Doug Loves Movies - Scott Kennedy, Jason Dick, Matt Bearden, and Charlie Hodge Guest

Episode Date: November 26, 2011

Doug is at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, where he welcomes Scott Kennedy, Jason Dick, Matt Bearden, and Charlie Hodge to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! Hey everybody! Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. I'm wearing a crazy futuristic or Janet Jackson, Madonna headset right now. And it's freaking me out. It's weird to be able to just talk hands-free to an audience full of people. It's weird to be able to just talk hands-free to an audience full of people.

And I should have looked at the stage before I came up here because I was cracking up when I walked up on stage because I like me and all my guests to be on tall stools. And I thought, you know, you think you say that to somebody, but maybe you didn't. And so they just have chairs for us. Is it possible to get some tall stools up here while I do my opening remarks? Or should we just do it this way

and consider it a dry run for tomorrow? Yeah, because, you know, I don't know about you guys in the back, would probably enjoy watching this better if I was at this level. About right here. Set it down here. Yeah, it's just, you know, I'm kind of a showman. I'm a theatrical guy.

And I think about those things, unfortunately, too late. Think about it once I'm already on stage. Oh, look at this. This is professional. Do not apologize. I love it that you're just bringing some stools up here this is awesome this happened in minneapolis i had to do the sound check while the uh audience watched so you know might as well keep the consistency of non-professionality that is doug loves movies i love it 275 people watching me move chairs around

but hey guess what that hands free feature really comes in handy when you gotta walk around setting up chairs this is perfect that's why Madonna and Janet Jackson do it it's cause they help build the set and then strike it after the show. But they keep singing the entire time.

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation. All right, so we just need one more. That will be mine. And we'll be good to go. Hey, everybody. Hey. And we'll be good to go. Hey, everybody.

My name is Doug, and I love stools. Thank you so much. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the Cap City Comedy Club on Saturday, November 26th, 2 Oceans 11, in the great state of Austinin what's up texas nice did you guys bring name tags do you have any name tags in the crowd i love this club because they have these reserved things for the tables that have your name on them so you could just hold that up and be like yeah i brought one put my last name on there stamp is here everybody you might get picked that'd be funny comedians like to be contrary it's my birthday

pick me that's danielle said that whose whose face is on that picture right there i could neil diamond okay i don't know what that has to do with movies. I guess he was in one. He was in The Jazz Singer and then got out of the business. Chips Ahoy. Too bad I'm not picking, because I would pick a box of chips. Team Johnny. Oh, and it's got a picture of Bella and that other dude.

Like Team Jacob or Team... All girls said that. I was hoping some guy would be like, Team Edward. I'd be like, gay. Because that's fun to make fun of people for that reason. There's like an eye chart that says,

my name is Chris. And I can't read below that line, but it says more than that. And Zach is here. And Jordan, we've got a big uh it's a cookie it's a cookie that's looks like a baseball that says Jordan on it people keep trying to outdo that Jordan guy out in LA who's on the show all the time well thank you so much for bringing your name tags you can put them down there's a few that light up, I noticed. They look similar, but they're on the opposite sides of the room.

That's weird. Look at that. You've got the same thing on both sides of the room. Do you guys know each other? Two different people use, like, Christmas lights or whatever. Yours is in the shape of a Superman symbol? Oh, it's the Texas Longhorns. And that's Texas Longhorns also?

Oh, it's a Texas Longhorns. And that's Texas Longhorns also? No, it's a reef. Oh, it's a reef. All right. Both of those things are great movie... great movie icons. Was there ever a movie about the Texas Longhorns? Cheer Up? Starring Tommy Lee Jones? Yeah, it was called Man of the House. Okay. Cheer Up? Starring Tommy Lee Jones? Yeah, it was called Man of the House.

Okay. Cheer Up? Cheer Up's a great name for it. Oh, that's what they were calling it when they were shooting it? And they shot it around here? Nice. You gotta give something like Man of the House a fake name when you're shooting it, because you don't want to start a frenzy.

You don't want the people of Austin going ape shit because cheer up. I mean, cheer up just sounds less exciting than Man of the House. This is the first of two Doug Loves Movies tapings here at Cap City at 4.20 in the afternoon, so thank you for coming out at such a weird time. We will be back tomorrow with four different guests and four different stools for those guests. Yeah, I'm going to have some different ones shipped in. I'm not happy with these.

Austin is a great, great town for movie lovers. Last night I went to the Alamo Draft House. Yeah. The downtown Ritz location. Was anybody there last night? Yeah, Master Pancake is a thing, a group that does improvised chatter during movies. Very similar to what I do out in L.A.

at the Cine Family out there when I interrupt movies. And last night they did a show called Hank's Giving, because it's the weekend after Thanksgiving, and so they showed clips from Tom Hanks movies and sat there, three dudes sat there and riffed on the

Tom Hanks clips, and I never realized Tom Hanks urinates a lot in his movies. Like, it's a big plot point in Green Mile that he has a urinary, like, he has painful urinary situation, and then Michael Clark Duncan is the magical retarded man, reaches out and grabs Tom Hanks' genitals and cures his problem,

but then it was hilarious juxtaposition because then they showed him peeing in the ocean in Castaway and they showed him peeing in the locker room in front of all the women in a league of their own and then there's a force peeing scene that was from, I don't even know what that was from, like volunteers or something?

From what? Forrest Gump doesn't pee in public, does he? He doesn't pee on JFK. He tells him he has to pee. Yeah, so there's four movies in which he actually pees. Oh no, there's a movie where he gets peed on. A little statue pees on him.

Money Pit. Yeah. I had no idea there was so much urine in Tom Hanks' career. He's won Academy Awards twice, but there was only peeing in one of those two movies. I don't remember any peeing in Philadelphia. They showed a scene from Nothing in Common, which co-starred Jackie Gleason,

and they did not show the scene I'm in, which was, I don't know how I feel about that. I have mixed feelings about it. It would have been kind of cool if they showed that scene. But yeah, that's right. I'm in Nothing in Common, directed by Gary Marshall. That doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on Gary Marshall when New Year's

Eve or day or whatever the fuck it's called comes out. He also judged me on Last Comic Standing, but let's not get into that right now. Let's not talk about my long-term grudge with Gary Marshall. We're not here for that. Tomorrow night, Sunday, does anyone plan on going to the Alamo Drafthouse Lamar,

the South Lamar Road version of the Drafthouse? Because tomorrow night is Choose Your Own Pancake, where the Master Pancake troupe, it's going to be at 8 o'clock, the Master Pancake troupe, they let the audience decide from, like, movies brought in by people from the audience, I think, and maybe they bring in some,

I'm bringing in a movie, and then the audience decides what movie we're going to watch in its entirety and rag on throughout the movie I'll give you a little hint about what I'm bringing not a hint, I'm just going to say it

has anybody ever seen Lifeguards starring Sam Elliott it's amazing it's an amazing movie. He plays a lifeguard that has sex with stewardesses. And it's fantastic. Back when they were called that. Back when they were called lifeguards.

Now they're giant-titted beach protectors. So yeah, that's tomorrow night at 8 o'clock. And as part of today's prize package for the Len Moulton game, someone is going to win two tickets to come see that tomorrow night. Yeah. Exciting. All right, let's see what's in the prize bag, you guys. That's what I like to do before bringing out the guests,

is show you what they brought. It doesn't necessarily give away who the guests are going to be. No one else brought a copy of my first CD, Professional Humor Idiot, and that was contributed by me. I also brought Woot Monkeys as I always do. Yeah, the

nice folks, my friend Dave from the Woot Company and the Woot Company in general has been very good about giving me Woot Monkeys and the last couple times I've performed at Cap City, everyone in the audience got one. But tonight, it's just going to be whoever wins. Yeah. So the pressure's on, you guys.

I got some stickers here that say Snatch on them. And I'll explain why they say Snatch in a little bit. I've got a plaque. One of the guests brought a plaque. snatch in a little bit. I've got a plaque. One of the guests brought a plaque, and it's a picture of himself throwing out the first ball at a minor league baseball game. So who doesn't want to have that? You came here, that's the last thing you expected to win, and yet here you are about to win it. One lucky audience member is going to get that. And then we've got some beer koozies or soda koozies. Do what you want with them.

And they have the name of a comic on them that's going to be here. And then we also have a copy of the script for Dude, Where's My Car? It's a very exciting prize package. Let me shoot a couple of Woot Monkeys into the crowd. There's one. Try to shoot one the other way now. Front row, nice grab And then we've also got a copy of Very funny comedian Scott Kennedy brought his CD Really?

Please welcome to the stage Please help me welcome to the stage Scott Kennedy, Jason Dick, Matt Bearden And Charlie Hodge. All wearing headsets just like me. It's going to be a very exciting hands-free show. Scott's got a bottle of water. So things are going to get crazy.

Oh, Jason also brought you guys listen to Jason and Dick mornings. Jason and Dick. Jason and Deb. He brought two pint-sized glasses that say Jason and Deb 101X. Those came right out of my dishwasher before I came here. Oh yeah, they smell clean.

They're fresh. Those will be part of the price package as well. I didn't put them in the bag because I thought a couple of glasses are just going to smash around and break all over everything. Scott Kennedy, you brought your CD, and you're also headlining here this weekend at the Cap City Comedy Club. Yes, sir. And your CD has a very patriotic look about it

because you perform quite frequently for the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Yes, sir. About 12 days a month. 12 days a month he's over in Iraq. Yeah, that's pretty amazing. And on the back of the CD there's a picture of you. They let you hold a big gun. Yeah.

That's why I go. You go over there just to hold the big gun? It's pretty fun. Eddie Gosling referred to it as superhero fantasy camp for comics because we get to go riding tanks and helicopters. They basically take care of you. They protect you, but you can also

pretend to be a badass just for going. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think you are. And then we have Charlie Hodges here, everybody. Charlie. Hello. Has a website called charlieandmatt.com

or charliehodgeshow.com. Those stickers are so old, they're out of print. They're a collector's item. Okay, so a collector's item. A, okay. So a collector's item, a sticker that says snatch on it, which is a fun word and also a motion picture

starring Brad Pitt. And it's an organization which stands for Stopping Negative Austinites Through Cocked Halfedness. See something you don't like, you fly off half cocked at it. I've done some things half-assed,

but I've never half-cocked it. Except for when I was trying to not get somebody pregnant. Listen, I'm just going to half-cock it. I'm going to have to use the back half. Some guy wrote to me

on Twitter today saying, keep it clean, my mother-in-law is coming with me to the show. And I wrote back to him, fuck that. So Jason Dick is here with I think I already said that, but he's the one that brought the picture of him throwing out the baseball. Notice how slim I am there.

Well, how not as obese as I am today there. And you're also like, it's very, you really throw yourself into it. I'm a professional, I'm a very skilled athlete. I'm a natural athlete, Doug. All right. Don't be fooled. That ball bounced like eight feet before home plate.

What president was it that couldn't make it to home plate? Was it, it wasn't Obama, was it that couldn't make it to home plate? Was it Obama? Hawking. President Stephen Hawking? Yes. All right, Charlie. The parallel universe, that is. Matt Bearden is here.

Hey, I'm Matt. Barely. Half so. He's the one that brought the koozies. Yeah, that's a little self-serving action on my part. Yeah, Matt Bearden beer koozies. Are these available, like, on the internet, too? No, those were just two. The last two that were in a drawer from years ago.

Enjoy. Beautiful. Yeah, I didn't really put effort into that. But you, speaking of things from a drawer, things from a drawer, you're the one that brought a copy of Dude, Where's My Car? Yeah, I didn't really put effort into that. But you, speaking of things from a drawer, things from a drawer, you're the one that brought a copy of Dude, Where's My Car? Yeah, I... The script.

I don't want to brag, but I auditioned and got rejected from that movie. It's kind of the... But yeah, that's a pre-production script, so it doesn't really match the movie. So it's almost like you've never seen the movie. Enjoy. So the dude wears my car we saw was improved from that script?

Yes, by leaving me out of it. By the way, where's that mother-in-law we're all going to face fuck later? Where's she sitting? way, where's that mother-in-law we're all gonna face-fuck later? Where's she sitting? You can stand up so we know. I don't want to have to play

guests with a bunch of unsuspecting strangers who are like, I'm not the mother-in-law. But you're like, shut up. I thought you said you wrote some sort of notes inside the script. Are there no notes in there at all? I looked through it. There's no notes whatsoever.

It was not a speaking part, though. Oh, on the back it says some stuff. It just says the name of the casting agency. Something Hicks Casting. It's directions to how to get to the audition. Now that you bought this on eBay, you can tell people you read for the part. I don't know why my secrets have to be given away, but yeah, anything I ever bought on eBay that I don't enjoy,

I just pretend is mine, and then I give away. If anybody wants a child, I have one. Gross. And then, of course, I don't have physical tickets to Master Pancake tomorrow night. I've just written on a post-it what you have to do and say to get in if you're the winner. I'm not going to say what it is because people will just show up and say it. But if you're a winner, keep it a secret.

And if for some reason you can't go tomorrow night, it is transferable. If you know two people, if you give them the password, they'll be able to do it. Those directions look more intricate than Matt's notes for, dude, where's my car? Yeah, it's a lot of directions. I like to tell people where the theater is. Oh, you mean this?

These are my show notes. Yes, sir. Can I ask a favor of the audience? I feel horrible. On the way up here, I seem to have jarred my phone ball loose. I'm up here doing this without a foam ball. All of our headsets have a nice foam ball that makes it look like you have a giant...

They would have a foam ball near them. John Boy Walton. Small and delicate. Mole on your face. Your breath could be pushing it around. And now you're asking people to find it in a darkened comedy club. Why? That's why.

I will give a prize to someone if they find it and bring it up here. Because that's not going to be easy to find. I don't know if you can pause it down on these or something. You're going to, Mike, after the show, you're going to be like, Doug, where's the... If someone brings it up here, I will give them one of the Jason and Deb 101X glasses. Breaking up the set. The winner today will only get one. Breaking up the set.

Yeah, I'm breaking up the set because I'll be so impressed that that happened. I don't think anyone's going to find it. You have very little faith in people. No way. Why'd you offer the glass? Bring that shit up here. My phone ball would turn up. Aren't you lucky?

That's amazing. What is the off chance he gets back to his seat and he turns to his wife? I told you carrying this fucking foam ball around is going to pay off. You owe me anal.

Or at the very least a good face fuck. Mother-in-law. It's 4.30 in the afternoon. Yeah, it is. I feel like it's spring break or something. I don't think so. Probably might see some boobs. Just because of the time?

You yell spring break in a crowded room. Some girl's going to remember the old days. Ladies. What is the name of your podcast, Charlie Hodge? I met you working in local radio here and always enjoyed talking to you there, but now you're in the podcast world. I'm in the exciting new world of the Internet. It's called The Charlie Hodge Show at charliehodgeshow.com,

and it's a podcast. Sometimes we do it from my van and we call ourselves the Podophiles. Because I've got a good times van. Then we drive around

in podcasts and we Shanghai people like on Cash Cab. If you don't know the answer to a trivia question, I make Chicken Wing jump out of the van and ask somebody.

And we get the most glorious conversations. Yeah, I can just see you pulling up to somebody. Hey, little girl, you want to come in this van and listen to something? That's a segment. Candy, that's old school. I'm going to let you listen to something. That's a segment.

I'm going to let you be on a podcast. We have like a scared straight segment. We go to neighborhoods and teach them the old-fashioned way. Parents hire us to drive around. We lure children, and if they get in, their folks are in the van. They're like, ah! We told you not to do this. Yeah.

I figured it was a setup. I played both parts in that. So, Scott Kennedy, I mentioned that you're a very good American citizen going over and performing for the troops all the time. Do you have a favorite... Troop? Yes. Is there a movie that you think depicts the experience of war better than any other? Ah, it's not to really...

The experience, no, but the Hurt Locker got the background I really questioned where they filmed it it looked like Baghdad all the way down to the sinks and the showers everything was exact I think they filmed it in Jordan but also kind of

from talking to people it's not terribly realistic no it's not at all you can't just run off base and go take care of some business and run back on base. Oh, I forgot some milk. I gotta go hand this guy an ass whooping. No, it's very

hard to get on or off base, which is obviously a good thing. But no, it's not. That part wasn't realistic, but you know, creative license. What about Airwolf? Was that realistic? Absolutely. All of the Iron Eagle movies. Chippy! Chippy!

Black Hawk Down? Yeah, you know, not really. You've been in Black Hawks, right? Many times. And none of them went down? And you know what? You can still hear Graham's voice. Fucking annoying voice in a Black Hawk. He's been in Iraq with my buddy

Graham Elwood and he just said his voice was annoying. I love Graham. If he were here right now, he'd climb up on this thing and sing some Evenflow by Pearl Jam. He would palm strike me. That's what he does.

Let's see. Who else do we need to get to here? Let me ask Jason something about movies. Oh, you're a morning radio DJ. Has there ever been a movie about DJs that depicts it realistically or is even entertaining? No. Well, the Howard Stern movie was good. But in general...

Oh, yeah, Private Parts. Yeah, that movie was very good. In general, every movie about radio is horribly unrealistic. And what's the movie you guys know? Talk Radio from the 80s? Oh, yeah, yeah. They have the guy. The guy's just walking around the studio the whole time while he's on the air,

talking, like, ranting, and it doesn't really work like that. Yeah, you generally have to talk into a microphone. Yeah, you talk into the microphone. But now that you're wearing one of these babies, and you were able to walk around like that. I just realized the incredible access that it gives me to the other sides of the stage. Rhythm nation, bitches. Yeah. I'm actually really nervous that you can hear me breathing in this thing.

So if you guys hear me breathing, just make a signal, and I'll excuse myself. Well, if you stop, they'll know, too. Good. No, we can't hear you at all. I had an art history teacher in college who would wear the Britney Spears-style mic, and you would hear him the whole time, and every once in a while it would stop,

and you would wonder if he was dead, because he was like 87 years old. Yet he had a modern microphone. What did you say? I said, yet he had a modern microphone. Yeah, yeah. He was so old and about to die. He was on the cutting edge of audio technology.

We should have combined our answers to say, yes, good morning, Vietnam. Oh, yeah. War and radio. Exactly. Very realistic. Matt Bearden picked me up from my hotel and brought me over here. So that makes him a great guest. But also, we were

talking about how you don't really see that many movies. I don't see any movies. That's not to make me unique. I don't feel good about it. I know that I'm in a movie friendly crowd. Put your knives away.

These people are all pretty open to the idea of movies. I don't want to fight anybody over the idea of a movie. Was that a Harley chain in your pocket? 24 frames per second. But yeah, I don't watch a lot of movies. But you did. Don't reveal the title, but he told me about a movie that he watched recently. He showed it to his about-to-be wife.

No, no, no. I can't get out of this. It's a total wife. Yeah, okay. But you showed her a movie that was like, this is a movie from my childhood. Yeah, I did. That you've never seen, wifey, and this is going to blow you away. And then she was, well, I won't say what happened, but what do you guys think?

Just react naturally to hearing the title, The Goonies. People love it. People love it. So then what happened? Well, I'll tell you two things. My wife didn't like it at all At all At all

But also Those people that have just applauded For the Goonies Applaud if you've also seen The Goonies Really recently Now All of you people are crazy

Because it has It's really a horrible Horrible movie And it hurt a little bit inside To agree with my wife people are crazy. Because it's really a horrible, horrible movie. And it hurt a little bit inside to agree with my wife on anything. No, it's not. It takes a really long time. It takes like

four hours to get to the baby. But it's been whittled down to these lines that we remember and we think it's great, but it's it's bad. Doug, I... Yeah, also, I'm okay with abortion. So babies do drain your soul.

How's that sit with everybody? I've never seen The Goonies. What? I've never seen The Goonies. I've never seen The Goonies. I should have married you. It's even worse, too. A listener, because we talk about how I've never seen the Goonies

And I'm a horrible person A listener bought me the DVD Three years ago And it's It's sitting on top of my You know On top of the TV Waiting to

It's in the queue of movies That's going to go in there But it hasn't made it in yet Just under barely legal Yeah It hasn't made it in yet But people have told me Don't see it now because it won't work.

I will hate it. I think it's funny that you still have DVDs. Come on, man. I think most people that still like it, like it in a it's on my TV while I'm doing other things sort of way. I think if you sit down, because that was what Matt said, is that he and the wife sat down with popcorn. It was. Like, ready to just watch intently the entire time. Then it could get a little rough going, I think.

So you say, do something while watching. I'm saying a lot of the TNT new classics, I think they call them, are movies that if you leave the room for 40 minutes and come back in, you'll be good. You will not miss shit. And if you did miss that shit, you'll catch it the next time around. You don't feel bad about it. Like, oh, I missed the scene where Cole Trickle drives around the racetrack.

Days of Thunder. One of the new classics. Or I could have gone, I missed the scene where he got up on the bar and told that shitty poem. Cocktail. One of the new classics. Tom Cruise. Very classic. Or I could have gone, I missed the scene where he got up on the bar and told that shitty poem. Cocktail, one of the new classics. Tom Cruise, very classic. All of his movies, you can miss big chunks of them. Because you've already seen it, first of all.

But then when you see it again, you can miss parts. But it's fun to have it on on the TV, I think. You can watch a Tom Cruise movie in five-point bulletins. Just describe it. Tom Cruise movie in like five point bulletins. Just describe it. It's like Jets, McGillis, Roundhouse, High Five,

Black Guy with Mirror Shades, Goose Dead. Never mind. Let's not watch it. I just went through the entire emotional rollercoaster that is Top Gun. Are you saying that all Tom Cruise movies are described that way? You could do that with each one. Not specifically Black Guy, Mirror Shades. Also, Kelly McGillis never worked that much.

Her titties sucked in the Amish movie. I'm sorry. They did. That's a big budget picture. Don't they screen for those? Doug, you're from Hollywood. Don't they usually screen those? Isn't there a process, a vetting process?

There's a scene where she takes them out, right? Yeah, she's bathing Amish style. With a cheese claw. Harrison Ford's watching her. I thought they were good ones. No, no, no. She did have some high-waisted undies on. That made them look longer.

There was a silver silhouette of a naked lady on one of them. Like a tattoo? I think you'd have like a gas leak in that van, dude. You've got to have that shot. I don't spend that much time in the van. It was a ventilation problem. Just saying, let down. Let down.

I need a redo witness. Get that girl from Species in there. All right, I'm ready to do risky business. Here we go. Sliding across the floor in his underwear, Ray-Ban sunglasses. Rebecca De Mornay. Fucking on a train.

Guido the Killer Pimp. Boom. Don't have to watch it. Let's see those five. See, it works. You don't need to watch. Like that samurai one? Three words.

You don't even need five to watch that dumb movie. It goes way too long. Long hair, Tom Cruise. Best friends with a Chinese dude. Samurais die. Well, that movie, that was complete bullshit

because I've seen some samurai movies since the last samurai. What have you seen lately, Charlie Hodge? Have you been in the movies? I wanted to tell you, recently I got, it was one of the highlights of my in front of people doing stuff career, Master Pancake Theater. And it was a bring your own movie night.

You're going to have a blast doing Master Pancake Theater. Oh, it's fun, man. And, you know, like I said, I do a pretty similar thing out in Los Angeles. And I always have a great time. In fact, Monday night, this coming Monday, we're going to show Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Really? And I have not seen it in its entirety. It was on a plane I was on, and I averted my eyes because I want to see it fresh on Monday night and then comment on it as we go.

What movie did you watch? Well, the crowd brought a variety of movies and they pick a DVD and this guy had found a copy of Tiptoes. Have you ever heard of Tiptoes? Oh, yeah. Gary Oldman. Yeah. Gary Oldman and Matthew McConaughey are twin brothers and Gary Oldman looks no less than

25 years older and Gary Oldman plays a midget, but it's a dwarf midget. He puts shoes on his knees and just walks around with a full-size sport coat on. Full-size coat. I'm Ben's twin brother. Then they got Dinklage

in there to bring in some credibility. And they got the Arquette with the crooked tooth. Patricia Arquette. I want to see her have a tooth fight with Jewel. But anyway, that movie is so ridiculous. She's got kind of a medium crooked tooth. Have you seen it?

I have not, but I've seen clips from it and it looks insane. Oh, it's so... It's as if Mel Brooks couldn't get away with racial humor and made Blazing Saddles. Think how uncomfortable that would be. If someone with hate in their heart

had made it. Tiptoes is just so mean to little people. I just realized for the first time though, do you think that Tim Conway called the character Dwarf because it sounds like dwarf? Yeah.

I never made that connection. I just thought it was a silly name. Conway owns an island because of Dwarf. Dwarf goes golfing. Sold five billion copies. It's not goes golfing, it's on golf and you learn a great deal about how to play. Did I have a condescending tone?

I apologize. It's an educational take, dude. But tiptoes, check it out. All right, yeah, we've got to see how awful that is. And you sat there and made jokes the whole time. Isn't that fun? It is, it's a blast. It's such a good time.

Especially when you have targets like McConaughey and Gary Oldman, where you could tell, I counted, we played a game, how many couches did they have to cut up for this movie? Because rather than CG it they would stick his fucking legs in the couch and then glue shoes to his knees.

And they had him sitting in like five different rooms. And each time he had to be placed in a deep like a deep chair. There is no wicker in that movie. Not a stitch of it. As a lover of couches, that offends me. That's terrible.

Even a cheap couch. There was some roadie, some teamster taking a break after he cut half a hole in it. Yeah, try sticking his leg in now. Oldman doesn't. You know, one of those nails. Wait, this is Gary Oldman in this movie? Yeah, very respectable actor. This is after, I mean, this is like his first gig.

Is Ben Kingsley in this? I feel like maybe he should be. He does lots of campy movies. But that's the thing about doing... Hey, Beckinsale in it. I don't know who that one is. But just think about everyone on the set of My Left Foot. Like Daniel Day-Lewis, amazing actor, but he's still spending all day long going,

and it's just like, it's that fine line, you know, like he pulled it off masterfully, and Gary Oldman tried it, didn't really work out. It's like Sean Penn in I Am Sam. didn't really work out. It's like Sean Penn and I Am Sam. Ew. It's like he's an amazing actor, but that's just like

you can't really pull that off. How did the other sister get made? Oh, that movie's amazing. I mean, I know the answer is Gary Marshall. Gary Marshall. Other than that, it's so...

That's an offensive... Is it offensive? I've never seen it. I'm just going off and feeling like I should be angry about it. Juliette Lewis. Juliette Lewis, Giovanni Ribisi. Decent actors. But, like, Giovanni Ribisi, he only takes up the retardation like a slight notch from his character on Friends.

Yeah. Remember how dumb he was? He just goes a little dumber. And they just... I love you. I love you, too. And it's just... It's bizarre.

And the weirdest part about I Am Sam is that they have, like, these five mentally handicapped individuals who hang out together in the movie. And, like, two or three of them are played by, you know, actors who are not mentally handicapped. Then they throw in a couple real handicapped people. So just the way they look is completely different. Those three guys look like they're insane, not mentally handicapped. Then they throw in a couple real handicapped people. So just the way they look is completely different. Those three guys look like they're insane, not mentally handicapped. Because they don't have the look.

You know what I mean? Then a white guy painted like an Indian walks on set. I am here to steal your women! Remember in the old Hollywood? You ever watch old T.C. Turner classic movies? All Indians were played by white guys with like shoe polish on their face. Like they didn't hire any real Indians. And there white guys with shoe polish on their face. They didn't hire

any real Indians. And there were gazillions probably looking for work. Hollywood's just so out of whack. This is pre-casino. Yeah, they were definitely looking for work. Sure. No good. That's a good thing to bring up on Thanksgiving weekend. The plight of the American Indian. They got shut down even by

Hollywood. The movies were about cowboys and Indians They got shut down even by Hollywood. The movies were about cowboys and Indians, and they couldn't get a gig. Here's a question, though. I have a question, Doug. Okay, please. Do you think they serve Thanksgiving dinner at Indian casinos? Think about it. Yes, they do. They've got to bring people in.

I actually know the answer. They do. That's pretty messed up. I've been there, and it's happened to me. That's the saddest Holiday story ever Oh you don't know How much I love poker Were you working

I love to play poker So you just thought You'd take Yeah take the other day There's an indie casino Like on my way home From when I visit family And also I'll stop in

And play Oh it's getting sadder Yeah Oh I was so wrong earlier I thought it was when I visit family. And also I'll stop in and play. Oh, it's getting sadder. Oh, I was so wrong earlier. I thought it was the height of sadness, but apparently there's layers. It's like an onion.

You keep peeling. No. It's a long drive, Matt. I want to break it up with some, you know, Texas Hold'em and pumpkin pie. And turkey of despair. Ah, you made a holiday out of my people getting fucked. I forgot that you were talking about holiday shit.

And I thought there was a card game called turkey of despair. I was so fucking excited. Oh, you turkey of despair. Take, take, take. Have you been to the cinema lately, Jason Dick? Yeah, you know, I, like Matt, I don't see a lot of movies either. So I saw my eighth movie ever, I think, The Muppets, last week.

The Muppets movie. All of you saw that? And you just loved it, unconditionally. Because I've prepared a statement. I saw the Muppets and I'm going to stick my head out here. I did not love it. It's extremely okay. See, there's this new Muppet, Walter,

who doesn't know he's a Muppet. And his friend, Jason Segel, who is decidedly not a Muppet. And Amy Adams, his girlfriend, who is also not a Muppet. And they don't know that Walter is a Muppet. But then they go and hang out with some Muppets, and no one ever says,

hey, this guy is just like them. Now, I'm all for the suspension of disbelief, but this is the suspension of disbelief bridge too far. Too much story, too many pep talks, every character in the movie needs to be convinced to do something that ultimately all they have to do is say, okay, I'll do it.

But a couple of characters walk away from them trying to convince them to join up, and then they come back later. And there's 50 Muppets in the movie, so they all have to have, someone has to go, come on, you can do it. Be a part of the team. Let's go. And I'm like, more jokes.

What do you think, Jason? All of your points are very valid. I don't know about Jason Segel in that movie. I like Jason Segel a lot. I do too. But I've seen his dick in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. He got pink eye from farting in the pillows

and stuff like that. Now he's singing with kids and Muppets. I was just like, what kind of pussy were you trying to pick up at this movie? What kind of date

ended at this movie? None of them. I actually went by myself just so I could... Whoa! I frequently... Whoa! I frequently... You had a new trench coat to try out. This is not a joke,

but you're afraid to laugh at it. There are no casinos nearby, but you were like, what is it I can do to cry into popcorn? I frequently go to the movies that I don't even give a shit about seeing just so I can eat buttery movie popcorn. So frequently go to the movies that I don't even give a shit about seeing just so I can eat buttery movie popcorn.

So instead of a thumbs up I saw you tweet about that. That's not a joke. You tweeted that very thing. Oh, I want some popcorn. I guess I'll go sit through the fucking Muppets. My favorite thing

about the movies is popcorn, not incredible cinema. I'm telling you, though, you go to the Muppets alone, man, you might be able to get into something plush. Those Muppets have

really soft vaginas. All of them, all of them do. There's no penises in a lot of them except for maybe Sweetums. That big tall one that's always running behind, you're leaving me behind. I just, you know, I thought I really loved

the idea of it and I was very excited to be there and parts, I enjoyed parts of it but the overall, it just took its toll on me by the time it was over.

I was like, really? Are we still worried about whether Walter is going to fit in or not? Walter is just another fucking Muppet. When is he going to wake up to it and when is Scooter going to step up and go you're taking my fucking slot man I am the basically not very interesting young white male Muppet that's just around

trying to help out. I don't know if we're allowed spoilers here, but his talent that he discovers at the end of the movie, I'm like, fuck you. You can whistle. Hold on a second. I do not mind that being spoiled, and if anyone in the world

contacts me and says, says, wait a second, Walter can whistle? How dare you? Never saw it coming. It's time to start the music. It's time to light the lights. The current new,

the new Muppet movie, I haven't seen previews for it, but it has the same old, it has the old Muppets in it? Yeah. Am I crazy for thinking that's... That the old Muppets are in it? Like I saw there was a Muppet movie coming, but I just thought it was new Muppets in it? Yeah. Am I crazy for thinking that's... That the old Muppets are in it? I saw there was a Muppet movie coming, but I just thought it was

new Muppets. Nope. Same old... Just Walter. Is it Walter from Jeff Dunham? Like that Walter? Like he's the new Muppet? No, he's not a crotchety old man who can whistle. Do they age the Muppets at all? Or are they just regular... Why would the Muppets have age?

This has me really concerned. Oh, age. He said age? Yeah. I thought he said AIDS. Did they AIDS them at all? Yeah. None of the Muppets had AIDS at all? This piggy looks more like a smoked ham. Well, if none of the puppets

have AIDS, I don't care to see it. That's just the way it is. And spend four years in college to go see an AIDS-free puppet movie. Well, then you're not going to want to go see the next one. I've already got the next one lined up. It's going to be called Muppet Delphia.

But yeah, I also... Final thing I'll say on that, because we've got some games to play, but the final thing I'll say on the Muppets is I saw it at a matinee, and there were quite a few children there, and they could not have been more fucking bored out of their minds. They have no fucking idea who the Muppets are.

Because it's not even Elmo. It's not even Sesame Street characters. It's characters they do not know. That they were taught on television or something. They have no idea. Look again, once again, I'm way too concerned about this. I should let it go, but I'm really upset that this decision was made. They have the internet. They know a frog can't fuck a pig.

Period. Like you and I pull the wool over a white bear and don't even know what a penis is. Have you ever seen that video where the chimpanzee has sex with a frog? And then throws it under his arm for later? Like a paper at the shoeshine stand? Yeah, how come PETA's not writing them a letter?

That's a horrible way to die, too. Like the mother-in-law later is going to get face-fucked to death. Hopefully not by a chimp. Yeah, but we're not going to put that on YouTube. No good? Why to death? Can't you just let her Enjoy the experience Exactly

I thought it was A pleasurable Holiday experience You made it You took something I said And made it dirty Oh really

I took something Dirty you said And repeated it I just got a text From you guys You guys know Nakia from Yeah from The voice What was that show Called with the Spitting chairs The voice The voice I just got a text from, you guys know Nakia from...

Yeah, from The Voice. What was that show called with the spinning chairs? The Voice. The Voice. Yeah, where they're like, the promos were all like, it's this time, it's about The Voice. They turn their chairs around, see the person, then they see them for the rest of the season.

Like, it's not really just about The Voice. They get to see them right away and go, oh, that'll be a good person to look at while they're singing. Or, oh, I don't want to look at that guy while he's singing. But Nakia's a cool dude, and I met him when I was visiting 101X here in town one time. And, yeah, he just texted me. What did he say? Hey, man.

Hey, man. How long you in Austin? Would love to come see a show Maybe hang a bit Give me a shout Should we put everything on hold for a little bit? I'm not even going to call him back It's not that big of a town

I thought about maybe having him on as a guest On the show But I have so many good friends And people that were in town That it's going to be all four totally different guests tomorrow And fingers crossed no one will be threatened to be face fucked.

But you never know with this show. Especially since I'll be here. I thought it was more of an offer than a threat. Everyone's trying to make it dirty. What a sweet offer. Yeah, so anyway The kids at the Muppets

Didn't seem to be that into it I'm just warning you I'm warning you if you have kids Did your kids like it? Did you guys bring kids? And they liked it? You know how in the first Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

There's that one song that's boring as shit where Charlie's mother is singing about how he should cheer up? Longhorns? Man in the house? There's that one boring song in all of the first Chocolate Factory movie and that's when the kids fucking check out and get bored out of their minds. In The Muppets, they have three or four of them where people are just singing contemplatively get bored out of their minds. In the Muppets, they have three or four of them where people are just singing

contemplatively about their lives and their existence. It's deep, but it's not as fun as it should be. My opinion. You know, I'm always wrong. You sound like you need a pep talk. Walter, get over here.

Listen here Doug Just get out there and do it Why are there so many I should say that this is all coming from the point of view Of someone who was a huge fan when I was a kid So I was very excited about this And very happy that Jason Segel got it to happen Very happy that Amy Adams is in it

She's adorable But there's a whole song happen. Very happy that Amy Adams is in it. She's adorable. But there's a whole song and dance number with no Muppets in it. What the fuck? A couple of my friends do cameos in it so I feel bad saying anything negative about it. But you know, I'm all about the honesty. And shall we play a game? True that.

You didn't ask me about a movie. I don't care about you and movies, Scott. Damn it. No, I asked you about war movies. Oh, you did. But have you seen something recently? Yeah, I did. I want to just stop anybody from ever having to sit through it.

J. Edgar. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. And I would have said, you would think I would sit through it to see Leonardo DiCaprio kiss another dude. Fuck no. Really?

I checked out way beyond that. Yeah, I fell asleep I would sit through it to see Leonardo DiCaprio kiss another dude. Fuck no. Really? I checked out way beyond that. Yeah, I fell asleep the last ten minutes. I was snoring in the back. Oh, Scott's gay, by the way, everybody. I don't know if that was obvious until he said he was dying to see Leo kiss another dude. Yeah, okay, so that puts it in context. So I'm like you. I wanted the, you know, it's my Muppet movie, and I'm fucking pissed.

You know? I wanted the you know it's my Muppet movie and I'm fucking pissed you know I love it alright let's play some games yay let's start with build a title two or three people love that one

at home they love it yeah I asked for Twitter suggestions Two or three people love that one. At home, they love it. Yeah. I asked for Twitter suggestions for a title to play the game with today, and somebody said, how about, it was at also not TJ Miller on Twitter, because TJ Miller's handle is not TJ Miller, so some other genius came up with calling himself also not T.J. Miller. And he suggested, death becomes her. Yeah.

So, let's start with Charlie and work our way back to me. I don't know why you think there's some sort of yell out the names of the people that are in that movie game, but also what an easy game that would be. I see you're Bruce Willis. I'd raise you Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn, and Isabella Rossellini.

No, I should mention that for anybody who came out today because they thought, you know, oh, 420, Doug Benson, this is going to be a bunch of pot jokes. We're doing the games for my podcast, and the guests on stage are the only ones that participate. Even if you think the answer might be Bruce Willis, don't yell it out.

Unless maybe that guy's just super into Bruce Willis. To which I say, yippee-ki-oh, kay-yay, motherfucker. Charlie, so you need to add a title to the beginning or end of Death Becomes Her. So you need a movie that ends in the word death or begins with the word her. Or something that sounds like her. Her. All right. You got anything?

Her. Her. All right. You got anything? Death becomes her would easily become... Death becomes schmer. I don't know what you're doing. Yeah, I don't either. I'm trying to think of a movie that isn't death.

I feel like they all begin with death. It's Death Wish. Don't yell out. Ah! Plus, whatever it was you said was wrong. Yeah. But, okay, so Charlie's out. Let's go down to Matt.

What? I lose? Well, we're under a time crunch here. I understand. I understand. Death becomes Her Majesty's Secret Service. Unfortunately, it's on Her Majesty's Secret Service, so Matt's out.

Now we go to Jason. Fuck me, I see how this game is played. Death becomes Herbie Goes Bananas. Fuck all of you. I win the game. That is amazing. Technically, it's Herbie on bananas But we'll let you go

We'll let you slide on that one No Herbie completely goes bananas Everyone knows that I was sitting here I was like please leave the Her Please that's the only one I'll know all night I just threw the ball to the dirt From the mound I thought somebody might

go Death Becomes Hurt Locker. Is the way you could have gone. More options. Scott Kennedy, we have Death Becomes Herbie Goes Bananas. So you need a movie that starts with bananas. Let me pick one. Or ends with death.

I know of at least one movie that ends with the word death. Bruce Willis. And that, of course, is Bruce Willis. At least the guy's got a sense of humor about how stupid he is. Nothing with bananas. I'm going to go...

You may have to look it up, but Till Death. That was a TV show with the guy... Raymond, Brad Garrett. Based on a movie, I'm pretty sure. That was a TV show. There's no way they could have just come up with some writer's room. That had to be based on a movie. All right, so you're out.

I like the way you covered your mouth to whisper, but into the microphone. Into the mic, I know. The answer is... It's for the people at home. Willis. I only talk to the people at home when you do this. Okay, so I'm going to add murder by death

becomes Herbie Goes Bananas. And we go back to Jason. You need a movie that ends in murder or begins with bananas. Murder should be an easy one, right? It should be, but it's probably tricky. Can I help him?

Does he get a shout out? No. We're not going to pull this cash cab over. No, we're not going to pull this cash cab over. Gold, frankincense, and murder. Fun for the holidays, right? Yeah, can you think of anything that ends in murder? Murder by death.

What am I on again? I need bananas or murder. Murder by death becomes am I on again? It's murder by death Murder by death becomes Herbie goes bananas So you need something that begins in bananas or ends in murder As most movies do They begin with bananas and end with murder Someone in the audience Is yelling something

Even though I can't believe I need to admonish any further about yelling out answers from the audience. Murder goes death becomes Herbie goes bananas and apples. Bananas and apples? Yeah, it was a great movie. Who's in that movie?

Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis. What kind of movie did you do? Okay, I'll take that, but who plays Apples? It's a cop buddy picture. Bruce Willis and his partner are Bananas and Apples. And they get along most of the time. They're not like Bananas and Oranges.

They're not completely different. Or Apples and Oranges. Fuck. I fucked that one up. That's a shout out to all the Herman Cain fans. He thinks things are apples and oranges. There's got to be something that ends in murder. Let's open it up to the audience.

Something that ends in murder? The perfect murder. Perfect murder starring Michael Douglas and Gwyneth Paltrow. Dial M for murder. Dial M. Anatomy of... Wow, you guys. Dial M for murder. Dial M. Anatomy of... Wow, you guys are a font of murder. Dial M for murder.

Alright. But just since I don't really count, we'll call Jason the winner of that game. Congratulations. Kirby goes bananas. That was pretty awesome. Give him his Jason and Deb glass. That was pretty awesome.

You win that back, and the next game you play to win back your plaque. You thought you got rid of it. I hope you can win back your plaque. Well, thank you almost, or not almost, also not TJ Miller for suggesting that. And now let's go to the real, what people are really here for. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Woo! what people are really here for.

Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. I think based on the last game, we're going to have a really good one here. Well, the thing about the Leonard Maltin game is that even if you don't know what you're doing, you can play strategically. You don't have to know the answer necessarily. Oh my God, somebody just held up a Kermit the Frog and then illuminated it.

That is adorable. Remember how Walter has a Kermit the Frog and then illuminated it. That is adorable. I even remember how Walter has a Kermit the Frog watch. I used to wear that exact same watch. I'm a huge Muppets fan, so that's part of why I was disappointed. You're betrayed. You keep apologizing like you said you hated Betty White or something. Like, I hate that fucking cunt. Well, seriously, spend some time with her.

She is the worst. No, you're right, but it just seems like everybody loves it unconditionally. The critics gave it 98% or something on Rotten Tomatoes, and it's like, come on, somebody point out

that it's not that good. That's where you come in. I like the music. The songs are by Brett McKenzie of Flight of the Conchords. All right, so it's time to play a Leonard Maltin game. I like the music. The songs are by Brett McKenzie of Flight of the Conchords. All right. So it's time to play a Leonard Maltin game. I didn't remind you guys of this backstage, but you were playing for somebody in the audience.

So what I need each of you to do is to go out into the crowd and pick out the name tag or sign or illuminated. There's so many. I've never seen more illuminated things in a crowd. Can we get the house lights up just a little bit so that they can get a better idea of what's out there? And everybody go pick and then bring back to your seat the name tag that you'd like to play for. Are we just going to bound for the Chips Ahoy?

You can have it. Fight over the Chips Ahoy cookies. There you go. There's a beverage up front. There's a lady over there with a really cute doll Where did Show us on the doll where he touched you I'll take the What do we have on there

Scott's got one I didn't see what movie it was before I got it That's funny Neil Diamond's my favorite singer I didn't see what movie it was before I got it. I would have probably. That's funny. Neil Diamond's my favorite singer in the whole world. How about I just take this? You don't come with me or something?

Jason picked the light up one. I passed on the people who brought the giant cupcakes because we already did enough fat jokes on the popcorn thing. Aww. Two giant cupcakes? I can't believe you got that. You gotta walk the crowd some more, Doug. Is this like America's Funniest Home Videos

where they don't necessarily get their tape back? Is this now property of the stage? You know, it's... People... There's a shithead written on the back there, Charlie. Don't say what that says. Don't say it out loud. I won't.

I'll save that for the end. Scott is horrified that I passed on the cupcakes. I can't get over it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to... Do you want to trade in yours for the cupcakes? Absolutely. There you go. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, can we eat that? Sorry, Amber. Can we eat this cookie? I absolutely know you. Amber did a very clever thing, but a giant cupcake. Are you serious? Come on. Look at that thing.

What's the name on it? Let me see. Something that doesn't have the name on it. Oh, my God. Two of them. They just appear. Well, we're just playing for one of you. All right.

So we're just playing for Heidi. Heidi. All right, so we're just playing for Heidi. Heidi. All right. God damn it, these things. Feel how heavy that is. I know. Jesus Christ. That's like eating a bowling ball.

This is like an eight-pound cupcake. I know. I'm going to name it. I think it's got a name on it. All right, so Heidi's the one we're going to play for, though. So Scott is playing for Heidi. Sorry, Amber. Sorry, Amber.

Amber made a nice DVD cover. I'm sorry, but Amber, come on. She took the Deliverance DVD and put me and Leonard Moulton on the front of it. I don't know which one of us is going to make the other one squeal like a pig, but I'm very uncomfortable about the whole thing, so I'm glad we traded that in for cupcake deliciousness. I just have a little bit of the frosting here. Yeah, can we actually eat the props?

God damn. Well, you can't eat yours because it's just a piece of paper. Don't you judge me, Doug Benson. Don't you judge me. So Charlie Hodge picked a sweet Caroline Neil Diamond. I assume your name is Sweet? Oh, Caroline. Okay.

So her name is Caroline. And Matt Bearden, what did you pick? You got the cookie. Super genius Jordan nailed it by sitting close. I don't like to go, I don't like or trust people, so I'm not going in the crowd. And then Jordan's a good name, Jordan Catalano. Jordan Catalano. Yeah, bitches, I know what you're into.

I know how to make this happen. So I'm going to hang out with Jordan in cookie time. Boom, face. All right. Nicely played, Jordan. And then Jason fell for the longhorn thing. Not the Batman or Superman symbol as you thought it was. It looked like Superman from In the Dark, but now that I see it, it's definitely the head of a dead animal with Melissa written across it.

So congratulations to Melissa. And so those are the people that the gentleman on stage will be playing for. And first person to get to two points in the Leonard Moulton game. And I think you guys all have somewhat of a grasp of how to play. Can you go blind Nillo? Can you do what? Go blind Nillo in the Leonard Moulton game? Blind what? Because the scheme of it the Leonard Maltin game. Blind what?

Because the scheme of it is kind of similar to spades. I thought, is it possible to go blind Nilo? You can go negative. Oh, Nilo. I didn't know what you were saying. Is it possible to go blind Nilo? Yes. I was like, I don't know what that means.

I still don't know what it means. What are you saying? It's like this cookie smells really fucking good. We're going to eat this cookie. I'm sorry, Jordan. Yeah, you can start eating at it if you want. We know it's Jordan. We'll remember.

Told you so. I can't stop eating this fucking cupcake. Oh, Heidi. Oh! I'm under there. Okay, so which one of you guys thinks... Raise your hand if you think you're going to be the worst at this. Oh, easily.

Nailed it. Nailed it. Jason, I've played with you on the radio. I don't know movies, but strategically... Yeah, you beat Deb on your show, right? When we play? So let's... Okay, so we'll start with Matt.

I was born before they even had movies. So I don't know what that means. So we'll start with Matt and then we'll go to Jason. Sounds good. Then Scott, then Charlie. And then the order

changes each round, but you'll see how that works as we proceed. You get to pick a category, Matt Bearden. Yeah, throw them in. Would you like In Theaters Now?

That's motion pictures that are playing in theaters now. Hmm. Preferably over a thousand theaters. Yeah. Or would you like from my good friend

King of Pancakes suggested the number one movie five years ago to this very day. Number one movie? The number one movie five years ago to this very day. Number one movie? The number one movie five years ago.

Bruce Willis had nothing to do with it. So it would have been Thanksgiving weekend five years ago? Mm-hmm. Or maybe the Monday after. You know how dates are

and how they change. Yeah. You know how Thanksgiving's on a different day of the month every... It's always on a Thursday, but the number changes. It's like a drunk stepfather. Shows up at a different time every year.

And then your third option, Matt, is movies that have a Weezer song on the soundtrack. Because I'm going to be going on the Weezer Cruise. That's right, the Weezer Cruise. Weezercruise.com. So which one of those would you like to play? In theaters now, five years ago was number one, or Weezer?

I'm going to do five years because I actually feel good about that. Okay, I'm glad you feel good about it. From five years ago, Leonard Maltin gives this movie on his movie review app. He gives it two and a half stars. Two and a half stars.

It's from 2006, of course. And he says about this movie that it has endearing characters and that it was an Oscar winner. It has endearing characters and it was an Oscar winner. And it was from 2006, two and a half stars. I'm going to tell you that there are 11 names associated with performing in this movie, actors and actresses. And you get to bid on how many names you think, reading from the bottom of the list up, it will take you to guess the name of this particular movie. And the Oscar can be like any kind

of Oscar, right? It just, somehow that movie took an Oscar? Somehow it took an Oscar. It may have not done it legitimately. It may have, the movie may have just grabbed an Oscar. And ran.

Yeah. I think I can do it I think I know the movie So I'll go zero names He says zero names Playing for Jordan Then we go to Jason playing for Melissa And you can go now into negative names

Or you can just hope that Matt doesn't know what he's talking about, and that he won't get it, and just say name that movie. Just for fun, when I say negative names, I name from the top, right? Yeah. So if you think you know... Yeah, name that movie. All right, Matt Bearden, what's the name of this movie? We were just having this discussion.

I just met a lot of people that had babies, and I have a new one, and I'm trying to figure out what the fuck to do with it. Anyway, I believe that the movie is Happy Feet, the animated classic Happy Feet. That's correct. Nice. How did you get that?

Good job. Are we getting hustled up here? What is this? I'm going to be the worst at this game. Zero names. Happy Feet. Boom. Yeah, he just fell into his new baby wheelhouse.

To be fair, it was either Happy Feet or one of a billion. Harry Potter's always come out around this time of year. That's true. That is a good point. But they wouldn't have called that delightful. And you kept saying performers, not actors. Oh, yeah. You gave me a little hint.

Because I don't like getting yelled at when they find out it's an animated movie. The guests usually go, you said it had actors in it. Well, yeah, they're voices. So also Happy Feet 2 is out right now. So that's also sort of a clue because it came out for Thanksgiving weekend and not doing anywhere near as well as the first one and sadly enough

the company that made it just laid off a shit ton of people because the movie's not making enough money and it cost $140 million to make Happy Feet 2 I'd say just go down to the fucking zoo, tie some strings to some penguins,

dance them around a little bit, call it a day. 140 million to make something fake? Whatevs. Happy Feet 2. You're all fired. I feel bad for all those people that work there, but

hopefully they'll get jobs making some other fake movie. They all got Dr. Scholl's implants on leaving the building. It took me a while, but I got there. That is your severance. Have happy feet. Did that make them feel better or worse, though? It's kind of like rubbing it in to their feet. No, you'd be pissed at the beginning, but like a month later,

when you've kind of gotten over getting, you know, ousted because the penguins cost so much, you'd be like, God damn, though, my feet feel good. I'm sleeping better. Beckon's so bad. Gelling. Out there pounding the pavement. Yeah.

As you're pounding the pavement looking for work, you're like, oh, all right, you know what? I'll skip a little bit. I thought they were assholes. Do a little skipping. Pretty nice guys. Skipping's nice. Yeah. As you're pounding the pavement looking for work, you're like, oh, all right, you know what? We'll skip a little bit. I thought they were assholes. Do a little skipping. Pretty nice guys. Skipping's nice. Yeah.

We've skipped in years. All right, so Matt has a point. They were asking me backstage if I ever cut anything out, and now finally I have something. Something to cut out of the show. Okay, so back on point. Jason challenged him, so we will start with Scott and then head down

in Jason's direction. So sit tight there. We'll get to you eventually, Charlie Hodge. Scott gets to pick a category. Would you like That Time of the Movie? That's period films.

Nobody ever picks it. It's a category that's period films? Nobody ever picks it. It's a category that's been languishing because the guests don't think they know that much about period movies. Someone named AtKingAhole suggested Walking Dead. Great TV show on AMC, but he's saying movies

that either have walking or dead in the title. And then your third option, submitted by Tank Hughes, Tank Hughes, is Training Day, which has nothing to do with the film Training Day. It has to do with films that take place mostly on a train. So mostly on a train, walking or dead, or a period film.

Which one would you like? Scott Kennedy. Walking or Dead, or a period film? Which one would you like? Scott Kennedy. Walking or Dead. Walking Dead. Yeah, and Risky Business doesn't mostly take place on a train. Just the best part. All right, so Scott, this movie is from 2004. Takes place mostly on a train.

Leonard Maltin gives it two and a half stars. He says about this movie that it is an expansion of a book. And that it is set in the 1950s. And he also says, I'll give you one more thing. He calls it entertaining enough. Yeah, two and a half stars, entertaining enough, 1950s, based on a book. And there are... Came out when?

There are eight performers listed involved in this movie from 2004. How many names do you think you can get it in? I can get it in four. Four names he starts with. Let me go to Jason. We change the order each round. Name that movie. Wow, he gives him four names.

The gentleman in the audience has a guess. I don't know fucking why anyone in the audience ever has an out loud guess. Don't know how many times I can ask you to not do that. Don't know how I can do it. Don't know why you'd be this drunk this early in the day and not able to follow instructions. Because I think that movie was set in the 1950s.

Yes, Money Train. Money Train. The original. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Set in the 1950s Yes Money train Money train The original Yeah yeah yeah Alright Some people get excited I guess Okay so

Here's your four names Do you want the clues again Scott? Sure Two and a half stars From Leonard I think I think that's In my opinion

That's too much 2004 Entertaining enough 1950s Based on a book And your four names In my opinion, that's too much. 2004, entertaining enough. 1950s, based on a book. And your four names are Stephen Tyler. Yeah, that's Stephen Tyler. Charles Fleischer, Eddie Deason, and Noria Gay.

Yeah. Those people got billing over Stephen Tyler? Well, that tells you a little something, the order of billing. Do you have any idea, Scott? Honestly, I don't. No idea whatsoever? No, I thought four would suck him into it, but damn. No, I really, set in the 50s has me baffled.

I know. They're terrible clues. That's how this game works. I love it. The clues are very, very hard. So let me just say, the point goes to who made him name it? Jason? So Jason gets a point.

You all groaned at me too when I said name that movie. No, yeah, you played it right. No, that's what often happens. Sometimes the audience will be wrong. And does the audience think they know what it is? Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis, he said again. Never stops being hilarious.

But I did set myself up for it. Maybe that's what's confusing him. I keep saying, does anybody know in the audience? But that's the part where then you can yell something out and hopefully it won't be Bruce Willis again. And a woman in the front row got it right. It's called Polar Express. Yeah, that's why I said

performers again, because it's a crazy motion capture movie that is, if you've never seen it, don't. It is creepy as fuck. I don't get it. I don't get that movie at all. It's very disturbing for the children.

Alright, so... Doug, they're pointing out that you read the wrong category. I was confused as well, but I was like, he's in charge. There's no death or walking in that, is there? Training. He picked The Walking Dead. Ha ha!

But, in my defense, I did say out loud take space mostly on a train when I was describing it. So at that point, that would have been a good time to jump in. But the audience is probably terrified to say anything to me. As was I. I was like, oh, fuck. I got to pay more attention.

Because also, that would have been a really shitty guess. Money train if the subject, if the category was Walking Dead. Money Train! Well, yeah, I mean, it's not the most enthusiastic performances by Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson. I didn't catch it either. And I wasn't in that room with y'all.

I should have. So should we throw that one out? Yeah, absolutely. What the fuck? No, no, no, no, no we throw that one out? Yeah, absolutely. What the fuck? No, no, no, no, no. You don't throw that one out. Fight. Fight.

Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. I played the game correctly. You screwed up. I think Jason should get the point.

Thank you. Thank you. Heidi, you better start standing up for me. Come on. What? Heidi should be just raising hell. Heidi is exhausted because she just

she gave birth to two two gigantic cupcakes. We have a problem over here. Someone said that shit is fucked up. Is that somebody that's being played for? Oh, okay.

So then what the fuck do you care? Jordan's got a point. Just chill the fuck out. We're going to eat this cake together in a second. With somebody's mother-in-law. If you'll just shut up and let this thing happen. Yeah, I read the wrong category.

If this was like a TV game show, we'd cut all that out. But it's not. It's a podcast. And just soak in it, everybody. Just enjoy it. Alright, so Jason challenged Scott, and then Jason got the point. And that means we're

going to start with Charlie this time. And then from Charlie, we will go to Matt. And Charlie gets to pick a category. Charlie, you're finally in this. Would you like it's Tina Turner's birthday today. Yeah, and she's

been in five films. This would be one of them. Or, at Jason Wayne Cox suggested Hey Friends, which is movies that feature someone from the cast of Friends. Nice. And then, tis the season, we're in it.

Holiday movies or Christmas movies. Which one of those would you like to play, Charlie Hodge? And keep in mind that whatever one you pick, I'm going to choose one of the others. Don't pick the one you want. Definitely don't do that. Making the entire process moot. I'm going for holiday movies. Definitely don't do that. Making the entire Christmas season. I'm going for holiday movies. All right, holiday movies.

This has somebody from the cast of Friends in it. No, I've done it correctly this time. This is a holiday movie. Three stars from Leonard Maltin. Shame on Leonard Maltin. This is a four-star movie. I'd give it more stars if it were possible.

It's from 1988. Even though he only gave it three stars, Leonard calls it dynamite. Yeah. He also throws the word great in there at one point. I don't know why. Oh, here we go. Here's why he gave it three stars.

Marred only by over length. So it's over length, over long, dynamite, and great. Three stars. Christmas movie takes place at or around Christmas. And there are 16 names. It's a big to-do. 16 names, Charlie. How many do you think you can get it in?

From 1988. And it was too long. 16 names. Dynamite. You know what? I think I could do this In Three names Damn Yeah

I just realized I completely screwed up the order But let's go that way anyway You're on a tight ship around here Doug You're worried that we know how to play the game. Oh, I know how to play. I know. Matt LeBlanc.

I don't usually play with... It gets confusing with four players. And also that last thing that happened. I'll never get over that. That's the new state of Denver.

When it comes to my mistakes But let's just go to Matt And I can't lose points, correct? Am I listening to this? That's right I'm going to ask him to name the movie There's no way I can do it in two And I think he'll call me I don't want to give you another point

You're going to win the game though if he doesn't win Oh, well, weird how I did that Wow, it's almost like you've seen A move ahead of me God damn it This is why I'm always going to jail Fuck I just want to make sure Charlie knows what's on the line here

He better not have been fucking around with the three names If I'd have to guess I'd say that Charlie's in trouble I would bet anything that Charlie doesn't know You watch a lot of movies, don't you? Sure I do, I watch a lot of movies, don't you? No, I do. I watch a lot of movies. It's a nice little setup in the back of that van.

Leonard Maltin liked it. I know Doug Benson thinks it should have four stars. Right. I already think I know what it is. I'd give it five and a half stars. Five. Why not six, then? Why five and a half?

Ah, because, you know, let's not get ridiculous about it. It's weird that both names would have come up happy feet tonight, but that's what you're going to win on. What? That would be a tremendous fuck-up on my part if I introduced Happy Feet in the mix again. And also read completely different things about it.

Here are my names out of 16. Yes, sir. I'll give you the clues again. Three stars from Leonard. Five and a half from me. 1988. He calls it dynamite and great, but he says it's marred only by over length. And your three names out of 16 are Don Harvey. Nice.

Bondi Curtis Hall. Perfect. And Rebecca Broussard. Nailed it. Love her. Is that of the Vermont Broussards? Is that out of line as a question? No, I believe it's the Massachusetts Broussards.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I'm a simple caveman lawyer. Take your time. I'm just going to eat some cupcake. It's a lot. I got an obvious answer, but the link thing is nagging at me. It was too long? Was Leonard Maltin

known as someone who was fidgety? He's... What is too long to Maltin? He was on a lot of Methan 88 and always had places to go. The Lost Years, they're known as. He was watching this with Spuds McKenzie. Spuds had to party.

We left a little early. In their Corona Beach Club t-shirts. Moulton, you dog. I'm going with A Christmas Story. Oh, dude. Woo-hoo! Jordan, high-fives, dude. We're nailing it over here.

Just out of curiosity. Greatest story ever told. Just out of curiosity, I'm going to look up A Christmas Story. Just see how it matches up with the clues I gave you. Hey, Charlie.

That's what I would have guessed, too. See if that was a good guess or not. I'm serious. I would have gotten zero names. Let's see. Christmas story, 1983. So five years. Four stars from Leonard. He buys into the whole Christmas story magic. And then, let's see.

He doesn't say anything about it being too long. That's what, you know, you question that. Fudge! Maybe. Do you think it's long because it's on TBS over and over and over again all goddamn day? That movie's 24 hours long. It's the longest movie ever created. They just keep repeating the same thing over and over again all goddamn day. That movie's 24 hours long. It's the longest movie ever created. They just keep repeating the same thing

over and over again. It's like the Flintstones background. It just keeps going the same. I thought it was that movie. I only questioned Doug giving it five and a half stars. I thought, maybe not. Yeah, I mean, you know, Christmas Story, it's all right.

I don't think they should play it nonstop for 24 hours on Christmas. Far and away. This other movie, I think, is a better Christmas movie. But like is often the case in this game, the clues and the category can be a little confusing. But recently I was on Comedy Film Nerds

with Graham Elwood and Chris Mancini, and we discussed Christmas movies, and someone wrote to me, you missed out on a great Christmas movie that you didn't mention and that movie is called die hard wow takes place on fucking christmas and the guy had the one chance to yell out bruce willis oh correctly oh my god what it is What an idiot. Well played, sir. Well played. Yes.

So he thought Die Hard was too long? Yeah. Can you believe it? Oh, my God. He really was with Spuds McKenzie doing math. That's a confusing clue. It was 131 minutes long. And Leonard thought that was too much.

Too much of a great thing. Wow. Die Hard, everybody. Three stars. Wow. That means that Matt Bearden's our winner Hey Matt Well done Matt Everybody that was rooting for me I appreciate it

It's not an easy game to win Especially based on the fact that I don't know what I'm doing So that adds that extra level of confusion I'm going to appeal. Is there a court of appeal? I feel like this whole thing's been run shimmy-shammy. And I might have a way out.

Well, you know, you'll get to play again sometime. Jason won't, but you'll be back. I'm just kidding. Congratulations to Jordan. Come on up here, Jordan, and get your prizes. Well done. You get all the stuff in that bag. And what happened to the other Jason and Deb glass? Oh, there you go. You get that, too your prizes. Well done. You get all the stuff in that bag. And what happened to the other Jason and Deb glass?

Oh, there you go. You get that, too. Congratulations. And let's see. Oh, Caroline wrote her shithead on the back. Thank you, Caroline. Is it Caroline or Carol? Yeah, it's Caroline, right? Does Melissa have a shithead on the back of hers? No. Because there's too much of this

shit on the back of hers. This is extremely high tech. It's awesome. Oh, and it's plush too. So Melissa, could you come up here for a second? Because each of these people that lost tonight, their prize is almost as good because they get to name out

of anything or anybody in the world, they get to name some shithead for me to name here at the end of the show. So Melissa, just go ahead and write your shithead down right here on this piece of paper. Yeah, you don't want to ruin your beautiful sign that Melissa made. And also, Doug, the dude where's my car, unless you're going to snag that, that goes on the product. Oh, yeah, yeah, dude, where's my car? You get that, too, dude.

He left it. He left it on purpose. There you go, man. Yeah, put the shit in that too, dude. He left it. He left it on purpose. There you go, man. Put the shit in the bag, son. And Melissa, you can have this back if you want. I mean, I could face fuck it if you want. Thought I could get one more in.

One more face fuck joke. I don't think that's ever come up on the show before. Gentlemen, you got anything to plug? Charlie Hodge podcast? Yeah, my podcast is at charliehodgeshow.com. There's one every day. That's like my selling point.

It's like, there's one every day. You may not love it, but there's a lot of it. The best podcast value anywhere. It's no Christmas story. Very nice. Matt Bearden, what's up with you, buddy? If people are fans of stand-up, I have the best show in town.

It's on Tuesdays. It's at this club. It's called Punch. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for people yelling out. It really is fantastic if you're a fan of that or Matt underscore Bearden on the Twitter to find out all the rest of the stuff. And every morning on 93.7 KLBJ FM. Nice. Jason

Dick? I host the competing show across the hall on 101X Monday through Friday, 6 to 10. I'm the guy who's on with the British girl. Are your commercials on at the same time as theirs? Are they on 12-28? I don't know. When are you on?

Wow! Ouch! Ouch! Oh, no! Really, don't know, when are you on? Wow! Ouch! Ouch! Oh, no! Really, don't get angry. They're friendly colleagues. They're here together.

If they weren't friendly, they would not have agreed to appear next to each other. Yeah, I feel bad, and I feel horrible. No, no, no. Matt and I live like eight blocks away, and have been talking about getting beers for like six years. Don't stick up for me now. If I were you, I would stab me been talking about getting beers for like six years. And never have.

No, yeah, we're totally friends. We're totally buddies. And whenever I'm in town, I do both of your shows and I just wander back and forth between the two. That's what I suggest listeners do. Just don't listen to the commercials. Just change a button and listen to both.

That's what I'd do if I lived here. If I was fucking sitting on the Mopac, I'd just be like, which one's talking now? Oh, commercial? Fuck that. Song? Fuck that. Right? Because what kind of music do you play on there, Jason?

Rock and roll music. Yeah. Yeah. Passé. Yeah. No, you play like modern rock though, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alternative.

Okay, cool. Oh, and follow me on Twitter, at JasonDick101X. At JasonDick101X, and you're still a little sore. That motherfucker in Minnesota will not give me Jason Dick. There's a guy with Jason Dick.

He said, please let me be Jason Dick. I'm a famous Jason Dick, and you're just some Jason Dick. And the guy wouldn't give it up? No. That's rude. Can I give my Twitter handle too?

I didn't realize this was a platform. I love giving out all the Twitter handles so people can contact you directly to tell you how unfair the game was. Or just send Bruce Willis over and over again. Yeah. What's your Twitter handle? Charlie F. N. Hodge.

No hyphens. No hyphens. F. N. Hodge. Two letters. Connecting them. And Scott Kennedy, ladies and gentlemen, is here all weekend, the rest of tonight.

Tonight. Two shows. Two shows tonight here at Cap City Comedy, where they have some of the best stools in the world. Outstanding. And they're ready on a moment's notice. If you are sitting in a chair today and you would have preferred a stool, all you had to do was ask.

And they would have totally switched it out for you. And what else is coming up, Scott? Just my website, comicscott.com. Get tour dates. Comicscott. You can follow me on Twitter but I think the last time I tweeted was like nine months ago. I don't have anything to say.

I'm going to read yours and they're funny and then I'll start reading yours. Well that's cool. So you're on it more as a lurker than a participator? I'm a voyeur. Yeah definitely.

Check your windows make sure they're closed. Fair enough. Lurker. If any of you happen to be... I was going to invite you to come to the Podophiles. Drive around. We have a bonafide lurker.

If anyone happens to be in the Las Vegas area on Sunday, December 4th, I'll be at the Palace Station at 420. Joining me there will be two people that I met in Austin who are comics here, and then now they're out in L.A.,

Brandon Walsh and David Huntsberger. And, yeah, and all of my tour dates are listed at douglosmovies.com. Thank you again to these four fabulous guests.

Very exciting. Thank you to Cap City Comedy Club For letting us put this on And thank you to all of you who showed up today Even the guy that kept yelling things I think we're going to be lifelong friends Me and that guy And we got three shitheads to name here So as always

Michelle Bachman is a shithead. Whitney Cummings is a shithead. Wow. I didn't even know she was running for president. And this is my favorite from Heidi. Pepper Spray is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug

to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies!