Doug Loves Movies - Sean Jordan, Amy Miller and Arden Myrin guest

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Doug welcomes Sean Jordan, Amy Miller and Arden Myrin to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming, maybe sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see. Because Doug loves movies. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug and I love Miller, Marine and Jordan. This is a love fest called Doug Loves Movies. And my guests today are Amy Miller, Artie Marine, and Shaw Jordan. Hello!

Hi! Hi! Happy Sunday, May 30th, 2021, Memorial Day weekend, everybody. We're almost halfway through this asshole. What asshole is that? The year of 2021. 2021, I think, is an asshole. 2020 was an itchy asshole.

Yes. Yes. I think that's accurate. Yeah. So we're still, we got a lot of work to do. There's a lot of bad things, but there's good things all on the horizon. And let me list them right now. Alphabetically, in her 87th appearance, it's Amy Miller. Whoa, hi. Is that real? That's awesome. I make them up as I go.

It feels true. I am not a statistician. Feels more like a hundred yeah I you know I might have been off sometimes it's fun I'll say somebody that's been on three or four times I'll say this is their 30th appearance and then they really uh it's a real gaslight situation there because they get confused and sad uh so how many times do you think you've been on art and marine everybody hi i'm gonna guess i've been on this is probably number six okay is that right yeah it feels good that's about right i think it's about number six i think it's uh i think you're you know right on the money if I had to guess.

I'm going to be I've been appearing as many times, maybe a few more on your podcast, Will You Accept This Rose? We are going live on Friday, this Friday. At Dynasty Typewriter and also live streamed if you're not in Los Angeles.

We're doing Doug is my rookie of the year of the year of 2021. It's a bachelor bachelorette podcast. And so this Friday, because the show starts a week from tomorrow, we are doing draft picks live at Dynasty Typewriter where we go through all of the suitors for the upcoming Bachelorette. We pick our top three, our villain, our drunk on the first night, thirstiest, and who's going to be the next bachelor. It's going to be great. I love it. I love draft picks.

I'm very into sports. Me too. Famously. Me too. I love just goals and baskets. I love sports. They're actually both wearing jerseys right now you guys can't see this i am i am wearing a hockey jersey right i'm a huge hockey fan it fits nicely yeah i just wear this with like enormous enormous like muscle pants and that's just how i celebrate memorial day and a foam finger a foam finger everywhere it would actually help during the pandemic because it kept my hands

clean i am picturing you opening doors in public with a foam finger i went to i went to trader joe's fully fully masked with two foam fingers for all of 2020 and it was great it was great i'm number one you're number two i'm number two i'm number 11 a lot of comedians are saying like uh oh good riddance zoom shows you know we don't have to do shows on the internet anymore but i'm happy to do them uh if it's going to keep the uh unvaccinated at home i agree with you and that's why we're happy people have to prove double vaccination to come next week at uh at a dynasty typewriter because i don't want to i don't want somebody's nana getting killed from i don't want to be like a super spreader event just to pick bachelors you know

what i mean like it's not worth it not worth it I'm not trying to kill somebody's Nana to figure out like what hairless man is going to come in number five. Yeah. I just wish the old fashioned, you know, what super spreader used to mean could come back. What is that, Doug? I don't know. Something gross. So a nice lady with her legs open. A super lady and then she's she flies around with

a cape but then she keeps her legs she flies around with her cape with her legs open yeah you both revved my mind she is all right so super generous this is setting up sean jordan beautifully because he is here as well hey sean what's up dog uh you're having my a baby yeah man we're having a daughter in like days it is yeah i'm stoked that's wild is that your first baby yeah it's i's been that he knows about. Yeah. Thank you. Super spreader. Hey, I'm saying some teenager in South Dakota looks a lot like Sean walking around. I'll catch him. I'll catch him one of these days using my credit score. Yeah, I will do what my dad didn't. Well, uh, you know, more importantly than your impending fatherhood, you're going to be on the bill with me as my support act, as we like to say, at the Tacoma Comedy Club on Saturday.

I mean, excuse me, Sunday, July 11th. Yeah, I got the OK from the queen to dip out out even though she will have a brand new baby yeah that's what i'm concerned about is just as you get closer to that date i don't feel like the two of you both are going to feel differently about you you know driving a few hours away to do a comedy show instead of being with your brand new baby uh we definitely discussed it and I will, it's close enough. I, I, I went in like, obviously you have the ultimate say, so that's, you know, so I, she, she's cool with it. Um, as long as everything is, you know, on the, on the trajectory that it should be, it'll be all right. I'll make myself available that night, Doug. To go all the way to Tacoma? Cause he's,

he's only going to be two hours away. That's why I asked him to do it. But I just didn't, when I found out that the baby's going to be born a few days before also like, what if, you know, who knows what's going to happen? Uh, you know, there's plenty of late perfectly is what's going to happen. There's plenty of late healthy deliveries. Uh, so that could happen as well. that's right they're gonna they we uh we have like an induction date and everything it's yeah we're we're like july 10th in tacoma july 11th it's gonna be actually at your show it's at your show doug i'll be one of those weirdos that brings their baby put her on stage gotta start early Get her up there. Get her up there. Yeah, get her a tiny little bong.

Induction date just means that Sean's going to leave her to join the army. Uh-huh. Got to learn, man. You know? Got to learn. It is weird when you do stand-up and people have brought infants or toddlers. I've been at shows and there's babies running around and that's hard.

They don't like your jokes? In someone's yard the other day, I was doing a show and there were two 12-year-olds and it's just weird. The parents heard a couple jokes and that would be the cue to maybe dip out with your 12-year-olds, but they didn't. They just stuck around and they said,

even after the show, they're like, they gotta hear it sometimes sometimes. And I heard the jokes and it's like, no, they don't, they don't need to hear that. Cause I feel like it makes everyone, everyone else so tense and uncomfortable because everyone sees the two home year olds and it's like, yeah, it's weird. Yeah. I just ramp it up. I just make it the filthiest set I've ever done. Yeah. Because I just can't help myself. And, you know, it's funny.

It is funny. You know, we didn't tell them to bring their children, you know? And so that's what's going to happen. Yeah. I love that. I would love to see you do that. I'm going to borrow a baby. I'm going to borrow a baby and come to fly to Tacoma and just wait,

wait for it. I can't wait. Somebody's baby started crying at a Douglas movies. And that was back when I had these monkeys that were on rubber bands that I would shoot into the crowd. And somebody's baby started crying at UCB, like in the back row and uh i said you know hey shut up that baby i'm gonna hit it with this woot monkey and uh and they were like go ahead and i'm like what they're like go ahead hit my baby with that monkey so i just fired it right up there and it hit that baby it was crazy i mean it's a it's a pretty soft thing but still that person's a nut but i

will not extend the same responsibility did you think that your aim was so good like were you really a mass i mean that's a pretty impressive aim no that's the that's the problem is i just shot it into the general area and got lucky but yeah you know it's a bad kind of lucky when you because i was kind of intending to just be like ha ha he shot But, you know, it's a bad kind of lucky when you, because I was kind of intending to just be like, ha ha, he shot it. He tried to shoot it at a baby, you know, and that was a little joke to me.

But I hit the baby and it's legendary and it's on tape. That's incredible. I've seen a baby get hit with a fly ball at a Mariners game and that was a lot less funny. Oh, Jesus. Horrible. Poor baby. Sorry. Poor baby. All right baby he's doing fine i'm sure i'm gonna do a lot of this i got a daughter now stuff so i can't be you know what though the

baby's dad this is what this is the problem the dad was holding it and in the other arm he had a giant bag of popcorn and he never dropped the popcorn just like oh my god so he's probably divorced now but i'm sure the kid's fine yeah intense yeah that's intense that's intense they should be there should be you know uh there should be more netting at uh at the ballparks like they have in uh other countries um but we're not here to talk about that. We are. Yeah, we are. We are.

We're going to talk about baseball the whole time. I know so much about it. I love sports. You could recommend a baseball movie, Sean, because right now it's time for us to visit Recommendation Nation. And that's where each of my guests has to recommend one movie. I know it's tough to do. There's a lot to choose from,

but maybe something you saw recently or something that you think will really make somebody happy during these weird times. Amy, are you ready? I think so but i can't remember if i recommended bad trip last time too and if i did that's very funny and embarrassing i like it i like i think you should recommend it every time from now on it's just there's always gonna be somebody hasn't seen it yet and it is so funny it's so stupid and so funny i mean i i just haven't laughed like that at a movie at home in so long like i've already seen it twice

i'm laughing just thinking about it tiffany's hilarious in it um eric andre little rel and tiffany haddish and i mean a bunch of people but they're just so stupid the three of them it's like you know it's a they have the movie has a plot so to speak but it's you know it's basically all prank show like regular people get it

in like Tiffany is amazing like fighting with you know arguing with people and stuff in front of strangers and just ramping it up and like they do a lot of crazy shit where you're just kind of worried for them it's it's funny and suspenseful at the same time yeah i it really seems like they're gonna get their asses beat at all times it's so good and it's kind of heartwarming too like it's pranks with a narrative it's very funny

and then you're like oh this is kind of sweet it's i'm gonna watch it like it's like jackassy but the movie has like an actual narrative yeah like eric andre plays a character who just crazy shit happens but they always do it in front of like he works at a car wash at the very first scene of the movie. He's working at a car wash and he turns the hose, the vacuum hose on himself and it pulls his entire outfit into it. So he's just naked. But the coworkers don't know it's a movie. So they're like standing around.

But what the hell is happening? Oh, I love stuff like that. It's so great. It's so funny. I didn't know that sounds that sounds super dang yeah because most of the pranks don't hurt the people involved at all i mean they might be a little traumatized but you know what are you gonna do but they don't like you know like some of those like jackass things where they make somebody think they're about to run over a baby with a car or something that that to me is like oh my god that you might really be uh yeah messing with somebody's head in a huge way but this is just like eric vomiting all over a redneck bar i'll take all of that you got that sounds so red yeah it does get a little bore

at times in that they do they do allow race to add a level to it that get a little Borat-y at times in that they do allow race to add a level to it that gets a little touch and go. And hey, all those people signed releases after, so they must be proud of how they feel. It is amazing how few people are

faces. It's crazy. In the first Borat that were basically, weren't they like talking about almost raping someone and they signed a release and you're just like, are you kidding me? I mean, good, I'm glad they got out of it, but that's so gnarly. They sued later. Yeah.

But in the moment, I think people sign because everybody wants to be in a movie or TV show. So they don't remember. They just suddenly think, well, I didn't movie or TV show. Yeah. So they don't, they don't remember. They just suddenly think, well, I didn't come off that bad. Yeah. And they hear like Tiffany Haddish, they get excited. They sign it. I'm going to be in a movie. And then it's like, well,

you actually end up seeing the producer guy with the release clipboard for bad trip. Like, and he's super charming. So he seems like someone too, that if he came up to you with a clipboard and bad trip like and he's super charming so he seems like someone too that if he came up to you with a clipboard and he was like sign this like you just sign it can i sign it with your eyes they're gorgeous he's the guy that they bring out right before eric's about to get his ass beat like okay like he's the guy that's like yo yo yo wait wait wait this is a movie please don't kill him i'm gonna watch that that's up my alley that's definitely up my alley that's sick well what do you recommend arden okay i'm gonna recommend it i can't believe i'm recommending i mean this is so sort of basic be like this is i re-watched this accidentally and it made me laugh so hard still okay i did

not mean to watch this again the first 30 minutes of something about mary is so funny i was dying i forgot like you could not release it now. It is so funny. And then you forget also how funny Matt Dillon is in it. Matt Dillon's enormous teeth and, like, it was so fun. Magda, Magda, I, again, it was just like I threw it on. I don't know. I don't know what I, somehow I saw it, and it was just like I threw it on. I don't know. I don't know what I, it was somehow I saw it and it was just like, I was surprised. And I was surprised at how back to back I, how much I howled in the first 30 minutes.

It really holds up. It's so fun. And you forget like, like just it's Ben Stiller just getting tortured for like 35 minutes, like aggressively. I got to say, it's a good way to start the summer yeah okay i watch it again i fully the way all the way down to how they can't say brett farve's name is hilarious what about brett farver oh my god it's so good her brother throwing him like her brother just fucking attacking him when he hits him in the throat when he gets like caught like you know blowing the guys in the rest stop

the cop that like beats the shit out of him it's just like if you ever wanted to see ben stiller just get beaten on for like 35 minutes i gotta say it's not something that you think about. You would not sit and go, I'm going to buy that and rent that. Like, if you just want a stupid summer movie to start the summer with, it is funny. It holds up. Oh, hell yeah.

Chris Elliott for days. Chris Elliott never got enough shine. Chris Elliott with his acne, his disgusting acne. Chris Elliott for days. Chris Elliott never got enough shine. And then he just is so funny. Chris Elliott with his acne, his disgusting acne. It's so good. So good. Is it woogie? Yeah, woogie. It's so good.

I mean, just the quick visual of his dick in the zipper, the way it looked, because you're waiting for it. And you forget how many people have come in to look at his dick in the zipper. And when you get that, like who, whatever art department built that or makeup or whoever built that dick in the zipper, Holy cow, they should have worn, they should have won an Oscar for it. It was incredible. It's so good.

Isn't Keith David, one of the people that comes in and looks at it. Oh, he's the best. The great black actor. I think it wasn't even the dad. I think so. Yeah. How'd you get the beans above the Frank? Yeah.

It's so good. Yeah. I, I, I, I peed next to him once at a, a premiere and I couldn't, I couldn't think of anything good to say. Oh my God.

I wish I had just said that. Would you have called it a pee mirror? Maybe a pee mirror. You wish you would have referenced his beans and Frank while his dick was up. Cause also he would not, he, you know, he's probably one of those actors who would have no idea what movie of his I was referencing. Yeah, he's in 2,000 movies. You also forget like Cameron Diaz at like 23 was so she was hilarious and adorable.

And like she was so such a good sport, such like she just like was such a star. Like you just see it. You're like she was just perfect. And she believably seemed nice to him in the beginning. She was so beautiful and cool. She was great. Some of the stuff, it's like, oh, there's all these guys really stalking Mary. And then Jonathan Richman hanging out in the trees.

This is a weird movie yeah I mean you go through the all the Farrelly brothers what do you know how do you even describe their you know their canon sounds too fancy canon sounds

I don't know if that's the right word but yeah you just go through their filmography and uh you know yeah what i've never here it is i've never i don't know what that word means i sean this happens every time we podcast together and this time i don't have time to explain it's french it's french you kind of pronounce it like Brett Favre. That's right. In that movie, they just go, Uber.

I'm going to go burn more books because of this. Trying to get rid of all of them. Uber's a tough one. Uber's tough to look up because you have to know how to spell something to look it up. If it is one of the first words you teach your baby, it might be kind of easy for a baby to say that one let's you should start there her first word you should teach her you should teach her like one word from five different languages so then whenever anybody's around her you can start bragging about her

being bilingual. No is going to be her first word. No. That's every language. Sean, what's your recommendation today? I was on Hulu. I watched it the other night. It's called Plan B and it's about two teenage girls

have a party. One of them has sex and then it's like the quest to get the morning after pill, but it's set in South Dakota where there are shit bags and they all got rid of their Planned Parenthoods for real. And so it's very funny, but it's also an extremely just good emotional movie. It's very good. Natalie Morales directed that. Yeah.

It's fantastic. I don't know. Have you guys seen it? No. No, I want to. I haven't seen it yet, Yeah. It's fantastic. I don't know. Have you guys seen it? No. No, I want to. I haven't seen it yet, no, but like she said, friend of the show, Natalie Morales directed it. It just came out. Like, you just watched it. Yeah, we watched it immediately. I, you know, I have

a little girl on the way, so I gotta keep my ear to the street. Learn about Plan B. You've got to. You've got to, it is like, um, I was driving, I was driving on Pico last night to go to the comedy show. And, uh, there was a strip club there. It used to be called, it was, used to be a comedy club that I performed at a lot back in the day called Igby's, but now it's a strip club, but the strip club was called plan B.

Wow. Why would you call like club was called Plan B. Wow. Why would you call, like, that makes no sense. Wow. In any context, even the other context, like, oh, we had better plans tonight, but now we're here with you. There's other places. Just real. Somewhere else.

Since you bring up strip clubs, there's one in Portland called Devil's Point, and right when the pandemic started when quarantine started they're signed to said temporarily clothed and it's hilarious that's really good yeah it was perfect

I drove by every other day just crying why are you clothed take it off well alright Why are you clothed? Why are you clothed? Take it off. Well, all right. We'll see if anybody's seen all three of these movies because there are definitely varying degrees of freshness. And Plan B is so fresh and so new.

But I am going to check it out. It kind of reminds me a little bit of i really enjoyed a movie called uh unpregnant that is on um i think it's on hbl max and it's about uh a road trip to to get an abortion isn't that sad how many like driving to get yeah like sexual health care we have it's heartbreaking yeah it's a genre like if there were still video stores there'd be a shelf for it yeah but i mean you can't in south dakota i just looked like i just googled just on google maps just to see like do they really they really don't have any anymore that's awful it's it's insane i i don't know it's i hope these ladies get in the car drive to go get that abortion and then just keep on going away from South Dakota.

I really try to stick up for it, man, but it is they do not make it easy. That fucking place. I love it, but it's tough. All right. Well, thank you, everybody, for visiting Recommendation Nation. And the exits are on your right. Don't forget your valuables. It's time for our first break and we will be right back. We're back. And our first game today is a new game that I'm excited about. It's called Pool Party.

Just in time for summer. Oh, I'm already dressed for it and everything. I'm in my key knee. This is great. I just got a new swimsuit like last night. I got it. Oh, my God. Well, who doesn't love a swimming pool?

I am very, you know, I've lived most of my life, you know, in places where there's a swimming pool and it's it really enriches my spirit. That's the first I've heard about your pool doug i know i'm rude i know i'm like doug lives the pool life so it's amazing ymca is throughout the country we're coming over right now yeah i do uh i do kind of book my hotels based on if they have a good pool or not. That's really a priority for me. Do you go early and get your chaise lounge? No, no, no. I'm not about, you know, I can sit in the sun anywhere.

I'm about being in that water. Yes. Yeah. All the time. But this game really doesn't have anything to do with uh it's just a play on words because it's called pool party because i'm going to name a fact and um we'll go to you one at a time we'll start out in alphabetical order so sean will go first i'll give you a fact sean and it pertains to deadpool starring ryan reynolds or or the deadpool starring clint eastwood right or both great my stepdad took me

to the deadpool i was like seven i hated it so much. What is that? What are you talking about? That Clint Eastwood movie. He made me go see it and I was like, this sucks, dude. I'm a kid. I saw Sudden Incaps when I was like seven and it was awful. It's like, we're going to this movie for you, Doug. I don't know what I'm doing here. This isn't QT.

That's bad, Doug. That's bad dad, Doug.'s bad, dad, dog. Sean, I feel like you had to say the phrase I'm a kid to a lot of the adults in your life. You guys, don't forget. Dad, I'm a kid. I'm a kid, bro. We didn't meet at the bar.

You know what? I had that same dad. We all have that dad. That's fine. Anyway, sorry. That's alright. had that same dad yeah we all have that dad anyway sorry that's all right that's all right uh i know this is a very emotional time for you and it really is dude i'm like i'm a basket case i've been i cry all the time right now it's hilarious all right so you're going to get the first fact here, Sean. Just tell me if it's Deadpool, the Deadpool or both. And I'm excited. You've seen both. So this should give you, you know, you're the expert here. I think I blocked out the other one.

All right. Is one hour and 48 minutes long? The Deadpool. That is incorrect. Son of a gun. Yeah, right. So now we go to Amy and it's narrowed down to two things. Is it Deadpool or both movies are one hour and 48 minutes. I'm going to say Deadpool, Doug. I'm going to say you're correct, Amy.

Wow, good job. You're on the board. Congrats. I'm on the board. I'm on the board, baby. Mm-hmm. Do you know the expression I learned last night watching some game show that the expression above board comes from card playing

and that you're you know people hide the cards underneath the table so they need to be above you know on the board above board that's where that came from yeah those things are fascinating until you think about them for a second more and go what a waste of time all right tie. All right. Arden. Yes, sir. You get to go first on this one. I love it. Deadpool, the Deadpool or both has members of

Guns N' Roses in it. Deadpool. Your answer is Deadpool. Yeah, that's correct. Yes, that is incorrect. What? Wow. By the way, missed opportunity. Sean.

Yeah, man, this is wild. I like to think that I know what movies Guns and Roses are in. Deadpool. Or no, sorry, the Deadpool. You're going the Deadpool? Yeah. That is correct. How could that be?

What year was it, Duff? It was all of them. They were fans. And the song Welcome to the Jungle is on the soundtrack of the movie. Jim Carrey's character, I think, lip syncs to that song. What year was the Deadpool? Am I allowed to ask that? uh no because that might come up no actually it won't because they're very far apart in years so it couldn't be you know i like to do ones where it could be both jim carrey's in that yeah jim carrey's in the deadpool he plays

like the like liam neeson's character is a video music director and Jim Carrey's in one of his videos. And I think Jim Carrey ends up dead like right away after right after you meet him in the pool. It's both Deadpools are called Deadpool because of the idea of people betting on who's going to who's going to die when. Right. Right. It's like it's like a draft pick, but for death. Exactly. So they're both just fun titles. And one of them's a fun movie. And Amy's up first on this next one.

Deadpool, The Deadpool are both has frontal nudity. I'm going to go with Deadpool. That is correct. I haven't seen either what deadpool is so good no because i it's not it's not for girls you're absolutely right i'm so sorry what was i thinking i dressed up in male drag and went and they let me in i tricked them i said my name was kyle i can't i don't i don't like the tone of deadpool it's very like it just sounds like people who correct me on twitter i just can't the way he talks okay fair enough i hear you i hope i hope this doesn't traumatize you too much, this game. I think I'm going to be okay.

But at least you're winning. Oh, my gosh. Arden's up first this time. I need to win. I need to get on the board, above board, Doug. Yeah. You know what that means? Holding your cards above the table.

It's crazy. It's a fun little fact. Oh, it does it? I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. It's fun. It's a real fun fact. Oh, that's interesting. I never heard that. Yeah, yeah. It's fun. It's a real fun fact. Huh, that's interesting. Huh, I'd never heard that.

Yeah. What an oeuvre of facts you have, Sean. Are you going to name your daughter oeuvre? Oeuvre? This is my daughter oeuvre. Okay. We're back with more of short attention span theater.

And which. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Arden. Yep. Includes the line. Someone says the line, man, I think I need to change my shorts. Now, I don't know anything about the plot of the deadpool

of course my gut instinct is deadpool but that burned me last time but then if i go against myself twice do i have a better bet of just going with my instinct twice and then okay i'm gonna go with man do i need to change my shorts I'm going to stick with Deadpool incorrect Sean I'm the worst I'm going to get crazy here and I'm going to say both that is also incorrect Amy for the win

the Deadpool that is correct I have terrible instincts I have truly the most below board instincts. I'm glad we didn't have to do more of these because one of them is, has Jim Carrey in it. I sort of blew that one. You did.

When I said that earlier, but yeah, that's, that's maybe the first and every time we play pool party. And Amy is our winner, which means some of you know what it means. A lot of you know what it means. But I'm going to tell you after this break. We'll be right back. We're back. And Amy gets to go first in our second and final game today. Okay.

Well, I need this. I really need to come from behind. I need this. I mean, you know. I'm terrible. I'm terrible at this. And I love games, too. Like, it kills me.

It kills me. Because I love to play. They're fun every time. Every time Doug asks me, I'm excited. Oh, I come so excited and then I'm terrible. I'm the most enthusiastic, terrible game player. It's okay. I can still come from behind.

I'm optimistic. This isn't a sad sack pity party. No, you got it. Or a jumpsuit. But Arden, I've seen you on, you seem to do well on 25 words or less with Meredith Vieira. Yes, I do. My friend Meredith.

My friend Meredith. Are you saying she's like more of a comfort? Like, am I do I make you more nervous or something? You know what? You're more into your terrifying me, Doug. No, I don't live on camera. You like that show better because it's the only time I can feel alive is on camera. Doug, you know that I'm like a live on camera. You like that show better because it's on camera. It's the only time I can feel alive is on camera, Doug. You know that.

I'm like a marionette. It's like I just thrive on camera. It's like you get that contouring going on my face. It's like just show me when, show me where. I'm alive. I'm a super spreader. You're a super spreader. I'm flying around.

My legs are open. Let's go. I'm not. That's not true. Any of you pervs out there put it away not true he's not flying right now with her legs open everybody get your heads out of the gutter I am not a super spreader okay Arden we'll hand you the win if I mean I don't need your pity party okay here we go here we go

did we lose Doug? no I'm here I'm just thinking about a pity party and like who would even say yes to an invite to that oh that could be one of your games you could do a pity party game like pool party but it could be one of your games you could do a pity party game like pool party but it could be like is there are there pity movies i don't know if there's two movies with there's a

town called pity i think okay and that's probably the only movie with pity in the title it's not like like a direct to uh there's not a movie called titty pity no i don't think so okay great i'm gonna go excuse me i'm gonna go on the wga and register that right now and you know the video store where i worked in college had a had a there's something about mary's ass that's a pretty good film i don't know if you guys saw it i like just like how lazy that how lazy that titling is it really is about mary's ass you know what i mean they make it a little perkier there's something about mary's hairy ass that is already more fun that's already interesting enough it is interesting like i

would i didn't see that coming you could be like there's come thing about mary or something there's you're good there's something about it see there you go that's how that's why you're winning right now that's why you're ahead thank you sorry i can't believe that uh that uh what's that what does nair do like kind of, uh, removes hair from your legs or something. Yeah. Yep. Why didn't they run? You're not supposed to use it anywhere else. They should have started a Nair something about Mary campaign with her. Nair something about Mary. Oh man. That's funny. Okay. Um, we're going gonna play filmily feud yeah great it's like family feud

but the questions are movie based and i'm the one that asked 100 people to question well i love it um we'll take turns each get to answer in each round the first three rounds amy gets to go first because she won that last game and she also gets to go first if there is a tiebreaker at the end wow uh yeah it's pretty exciting amy yes uh i asked a hundred i asked a hundred people uh to name the best volcano movie. I gave them four choices, but you have to guess from all the history of volcano movies,

which one you think they responded to based on my suggestion. I'm going to say Dante's Peak. Is that a volcano? is in fact a volcano movie do i list others good job nope that's it just one answer okay and then that's your that's your answer this round then we go to arden uh can you name another volcano movie? Joe vs. the Volcano.

If you're just going to joke around and not take this seriously, then... That's not a volcano movie? Yeah, it is a volcano. I'm just kidding. That's a valid answer. Let's go to Sean. What do you think?

What volcano movies are left over? There's one that's like equal to Dante's Peak, and I cannot remember the name of it. It's got Tommy Lee Jones, and I cannot get the name. Oh, Tommy Lee Jones, and it's a volcano movie? Tommy Lee Jones versus the volcano. Fucking A. Anne Heche plays the other volcano in that movie.

Your buddy. Yeah, my pal. I can't think of the title, so I will say Pompeii, as it is also a volcano movie. Oh, Pompeii is a great answer. It's one I wished I'd have thought of when I did this. Damn it. But I did not. I thought of a volcano. That's insane. Yeah.

I kept saying volcano while you were trying to think of volcano. Well, Doug, I get it now. I watched that movie recently. But this is so exciting. you have another name to add to your baby name this volcano volcano would be a great name um so here's how it ran here's how broke down krakatoa east of java got six percent of the vote or the answers and um then volcano got seven percent and amy gets 28 points because 28 went with dante's peak and lo and behold arden yeah 49 of the people polled said Joe versus the Volcano. Nice. Thank you. I needed that.

Volcano movie. Thank you. Did I get 49 points? I agree. Yes. You got 49 points. You're way out in the lead. Compared to Sean, you have all points compared to his no points. I got a big goose egg over here. You got 49 and he's just sitting over there going,

put me in, coach. Thank you. And Arden, you get to go first in this next round. So it's really all going your way. Oh my God. I needed this. I asked 100 people on Twitter. Best movie with a prom in it. Oh, that's interesting yeah so take a second to think about it

because there's certainly a lot of prom movies i got confused a couple of times with sometimes it's just a dance i know i think i was thinking about i think itase. Grease is not the prom. Grease is not a prom. Strangely, they just graduate without ever having a prom. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Oh, gosh. I'm torn. Okay.

Well, then there's the movie Prom that just came out. That definitely has a problem. Is prom short for promenade? I've always wondered that, like in this sense, or is it prom its own thing and it has nothing to do with it? No. Yeah, it's short for promise to get fucked. Promise to get fucked. I'm going to do. A lot of super spreaders.

I'm going to do pretty in pink. Sean, what do you, you got one? I'm going to say rad where crew Jones does the send me an angel dance on his bike at prom. It's fantastic. I bet a lot of people answered that too yeah i bet i bet i thought of it and then you ask my circle of friends exactly you ask all the kids i grew up with were there those are the hundred people he asked yeah they're all busy driving to their abortions right now. I debated the idea of like saying,

telling you the names of the options before everybody guesses. But then I figure if that just makes it a little too easy for the person who goes first to probably pick the one that is obviously the most famous movie that has that in it, you know, I agree. I agree. So what do you, What do you think? Who's left Amy? I'm going to go Prom Night. Jamie Lee Curtis. It's a horror movie, right?

You calling her a horror? No. It's a horror movie, isn't it? It's a horror movie, right? Yes, the first of many prom nights. I don't think two or three are as good. I just thought of something. I thought of a change of an answer, but I didn't.

Yeah, it's too late to change, but what's your new answer? I'm going to guess that Carrie. Yeah, that's kind of the, I would argue, the more famous prom movie, even though it doesn't have prom in the title. She's All That was another real famous one. Oh, yeah, sure. But here's how the answers broke down. The aforementioned Carrie got 38% of the vote.

Encino Man. What? I love that movie. Yeah, it's a great movie. People need to always remember, 28% of the vote. Wow. Mean Girls. Okay.

Big prom in that movie, 33%. Wow. And then Red. And then this cracked me up. The prom that was mentioned earlier got 1% of the vote. Wow. All right. So no pretty in pink?

So no pretty in pink. No red. No prom night? No. No prom night. Wow. Yeah. I think we just gave you a new totally dope list, though.

Yeah. We gave you a better list. We gave you a better list. We just doubled the amount of movies practically that we're discussing that have proms in them. And people need those movies right now because it is prom season and you watch movies based on whatever you're doing. That's why I mostly watch crappy movies.

Cause I take a dump every day. Our third round. I like to watch movies about naps. I love napsaps I love naps I love naps I already took a nap today I took a little disco nap right before this and I feel great

you know what the best way to get I can fall asleep immediately is if I just turn on a TV series that's streaming that takes place in the past. I love it. I love that.

I'm out. I cannot stay awake through a period drama. What era? What's your favorite? What's your peak nap era? What's your peak nap era drama? What, like 1800s? Yeah, definitely 1800s.

And once they say that, I'm asleep. I also, I love, I don't know anything about sports, but I love napping to like a football game, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like a golf tournament. Just like some quiet chatter and the golf is good. Like just quiet chatter.

Give me a nap to that. That's chef's kiss. Who goes first this round? Sean does. You're going to love this, Sean. Is it about skateboarding? Okay. You're not going to love this. I'll love it. Let me tell you this right now. Rad isn't even an option as an answer.

That's always an option as an answer to most questions. Okay. Well, we'll see if you think that any of the people in this movie are named Rad. Radley Cooper. Radley Cooper. Radley Cooper. Rad Pit. I wish I was Rad Pit.

Can you imagine how dope that'd be? And Radley Cooper. Yeah. And now we got to change. We got to also got to change Boo Bradley. Just a couple couple youth pastors coming to your town rad pit radley cooper here to preach the word of the lord and the former outsider boo radley who got intervened by radley and rad and now he's like oh he's part of the

world i'm gonna be uh headlininglining Rad Garrett's comedy club. Is that true or just fun? Yes, for fun. Okay. But it could be on your wish list. Yeah, I'd love to work there. Your Radley bucket list. Bradley Cooper has like a series of ads for one of those pizza chains,

Jimmy John's or something where he's, where he's like a mobster and there's things going on where people are, I guess, mad about sandwiches. And I'm just bringing it up to say that I'm against it. I love this. You know, Brad Garrett's a perfectly talented man, but I don't get why he's pretending to be a mobster. Okay.

Oh, you started that story with Bradley Cooper? And I was like, I can't believe he's doing pizza commercials. I thought Brad Cooper was doing a little better than that. I know, but I thought Bradley Cooper is doing pizza commercials. was doing a little better than that. I know, but I thought, okay, good. Bradley Cooper, Bradley Cooper,

Saturday Pizza commercials. You did mention Brad Garrett, so that's my excuse, is that I just got... You got distracted. I got excited about talking about Brad Garrett, but let's face it, everyone would rather talk about Bradley Cooper.

Bradley Cooper. Yeah, Radley. All right, here we go. Sean, here's your question. Finally. Finally. Yeah. Oh, we're out of time.

Which dude from the Breakfast Club gives the best butterfly kisses? I asked 100 people. Janitorial staff and parents excluded. So what do you think, Sean? I mean, I can only name one of them, Emilio Estevez. So you think he does the best butterfly kisses? Yes. I really do, actually.

Yeah, I think so. Okay. That's the eyelash on the cheek, right? I mean, I don't, you know, I'm not going to tell you how to do it. Popular Bob Carlyle song. They do it. I think the only cinematic reference to it

I can remember is in Brian De Palma's The Untouchables. Kevin Costner gives his little daughter butterfly kisses. And it's the most violent scene in the film. I don't know why I was so grossed out by you saying that.

I was like, ugh. Right? I'm like, ugh. He's acting like a tough FBI guy. Then he's so sweet with his baby. Fuck that guy. Jordan will not be getting many butterfly kisses from her father.

Oh, hey, let me ask you this. You're going to be a kiss on the mouth parent. And if so, to what age? Fuck no, dude. I. Yes, you will. I was for like too long. it i think back i'm like that's weird i uh no no i was my uncle kiss me on the mouth one time it's not a bit my uncle

kisses all of us on the mouth and it's so confusing it's so weird i hate it i hate it turtle up my shoulders go in. I'm like, I don't know what's going on, man. We have a family friend that's like a handsy washing machine. And so my mom and I would always, because we both are chesty gals. And he would like roll our chest, like grab us by the shoulders basically and hug us and like roll our tits across his chest. So we always have to walk in holding like trays and so gross people are so nasty he my grandpa had a stroke and so he's like a little out of it

but he still knows what he's doing he just doesn't give a shit anymore so i brought my fiance over a couple years ago and he straight up did the he was looking at her eyes and he went all the way to her feet and look back up and he goes whoa just right in front of her it was astonishing i was like grandpa my great my uncle called me stacked i get like when i was 14 i said oh hey i like gave him a different uncle different mouth kiss uncle pulled my arms out like wings stood back said whoa you're stacked now and i'm like that's how you become like, that's how you become a kid. That's how you become a lady comedian. Oh my gosh, that's so fucked.

So fucked up. They're so fucked up. That's like the travesty term for it too. Stacked. So disgusting. Just garbage people. My gene pool is garbage. People

talk a lot of shit about dad jokes but uncle jokes are the real the real horror uncles you did not you did not want to be around when uncle birdie came over dude when i was a kid my uncle when i was young he would ask me of any girlfriend he would ask if i put the screws to her yet in front of her in front of her in front of it's like he invited people to ask it in front of he could there he couldn't get enough people to say that the screws to her yeah dude it was so i was like bill why is my uncle just like fully molested people that's bad too right yeah that's bad too i mean i'm not saying mine did it i don't know for sure.

I'm not trying to win, but. All right. Well, let's get back to the Breakfast Club where Olive Miller Station is just alleged and fictional. It's just my lashes. It's just my lashes. Who do you think, Amy, you get to pick now. Who do you think? Is it only of the boys or everybody?

The question was which dude? Which dude? Okay. And the janitor is out. I'm going to go with Judd Nelson. Okay. Because he's so dark and brooding. Because he's so sensitive.

Yeah. Inside. Yeah. But you know, his dad beat him. That's right. But he, but he got a diamond earring at the end. So he could do his homework on the boat. You can do it on the boat.

I like at the end when they're like a geek a jock a princess and then that's then they start to lose me a basket case what and a criminal yep yep criminal was a personality type yeah a plastic case and a criminal. Fucking hot criminal, bro. Yeah, the mentally ill and the poor could just fuck off. The rest of the breakfast club's gonna do fine. You know who was good as a criminal? Was Charlie Sheen

in the cop scene in Ferris Bueller's with the hot young Jennifer Grey. They had chemistry. Even though she was Bone and her brother at the time. Bone and Ferris. She and Ferris had a showmance.

But I have to say Charlie Sheen was great. Yeah, absolutely. Interesting. I guess I'm left with Farmer Ted. Formerly Farmer Ted. Anthony Michael Hall. I guess I'm left with a farmer, Ted, former, formerly farmer, Ted, Anthony, Michael Hall. I mean, you know, you think it's going to be Judd Nelson, but look at those long illustrious eyelashes on that sweet growing boy.

Yeah. Get it. Well, this is interesting because nobody picked him. And the principal of the school played by Paul Gleason. You mess with the bull, you get the horns. He he got the most votes and he managed to squeak out with 28 percent. No, you guys are sick. Yeah, that's disgusting.

I mean, it was an anonymous poll, so people can get a little freaky. I just fart. Let's see. So, who said Judd Nelson? I did. Amy. He got the next best amount. He got

27%. Yeah. That brings you to 55%. Emilio Estevez got 25%. That's Sean's total points right there. It's 25%. That's not enough to catch up to Amy.

But then, of course, Arden's going to get some points. That's 20 points, which gives her a total of 69. 69? My lucky number, super spreader. Yes. Arden, you are our winner

today. Congratulations. Oh my God, I can't believe it. That's amazing. I can't believe it. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're better than Meredith Vieira, and I say that on record. I don't need to have full contour. Can you, you know, risk future failure and come back as an ongoing champion and appear with us next week at this same time?

Probably. I mean, let's be real. Okay. I'm putting you down for a maybe for that. You're a maybe for next Sunday. Oh, yes, I can. I'm looking at a, yes, I can. I can right now, putting it in.

Arden's in. I changed it from a maybe to a yes, but now it's all just a bunch of scribbles. So I'll double check with you later. Actually, no, I can't. I can't. I can't. can't god damn it I really blew it

I'm not going to know which one it is I blew it so hard we'll talk about this later and we'll have you back on the show we'll have you back on the show soon I'm going to be on your show on Friday tell us all about that again okay so Doug is going to be on our first

two episodes because he's our rookie of the year. Even if you don't watch The Bachelor franchise, just to listen to Doug Benson talk about The Bachelor franchise is worth your time. We're on iHeartRadio. It's called Will You Accept This Rose? You can get it

anywhere. But please come if you're in town to the live show if you're double vaxxed. It's at 5 p.m. Pacific time at Dynasty Typewriter. We're also live streaming it. So that's 8 p.m. Eastern time. And so live is 15 bucks. The live stream is 10 bucks. And if you can't watch at the same time, the link is up for a whole week.

And you can watch. If you ever wanted to see Doug Benson Benson pick who his bachelor contestants are. Now's your chance. And then he's going to be on our very first episode of the season because Bachelorette starts next Monday, the 7th. And ours will be up on Wednesday. So please support. It's so fun. Yeah, I have a very good time doing it and i'm you know i'm not the biggest fan of the show i'm i'm kind of a fan of it now because it gives me something to talk to everybody about and speaking of stacked the lineup is who tell us who else is on the show on friday speaking of stick wow wow you're stacked and i am putting the screws to all of you if you love comedy.

It's going to be Doug and myself. We have Rob Benedict, who plays God on Supernatural. He's hilarious and wonderful. We have Erin Foley, who's a brilliant comedian. I believe she's been on this podcast. Is that correct? I think so. And then we have the amazing amazing carl tart who is

uh he's a writer for keenan he was a writer for brooklyn 99 he's hilarious and uh maybe we have some surprise guests coming up i don't know yeah it's gonna be great it's gonna be so much fun so far you gotta be vaxxed to get in it It's vaxxed and relaxed, you know, social distancing in the seats. It's going to be, you know, only 75 people get in and it's a thousand seat theater, I believe. Yeah. And it's going to be very nice if you're also stacked. We're going to be stacked and vaxxed and relaxed. It's going to be a very special experience. And I hope people join us either

virtually or in person amy miller it's always great to have you the fans the douglas movies listeners uh cherish your every appearance oh i love them tell them where to go now yes come see me in public austin austin austin texas wow you are lucky i'm gonna be there this weekend at the new newly moved from new york creek in the cave there's a bear on stage they have pinball i'll be there we have surprise guests i love that they move there that's so fun i i loved doing shows there in brooklyn it's so fun to move there. Yeah, in Queens. Yeah. And then in Queens. That's right, Long Island City.

You know what? It is Long Island City. Next weekend, I will be in Fort Collins, Colorado at the Comedy Fort. Come see me there. I'll be in San Diego on June 18th. Everything is up on amymillercomedy.com, including a July tour with Johnny Pemberton. Check it out. He's great.

What a fun combo. Oh yeah. That's a super good show. So everybody that can go see that, do go see that. Sean Jordan. Also come to Austin this weekend. Just get on a plane.

I'll be there. Yeah. We have a good time when we're in Austin, don't we, Arden? Oh my God. We really do have a good time. It's so fun. Sean Jordan, his fun's about to end. The baby's coming. Yep.

And yeah, I had a lot of fun. I barfed all over six street. You had such a good time in your life and now you're going to dedicate it to something else, but you're going to be on my show, maybe on July 11th, July 11th at the Tacoma comedy club. And, um, it's going to be, I think that might end up being my first, like, you know, full standup show. So I'm very, very excited about that.

But what else have you got to plug Sean? You know, you could look for us at the high plains comedy festival. We don't know exactly what we're doing, but we're going to do a live, all fantasy, everything in some capacity in September. So that's like the next fun, cool thing. So just, you know, stay tuned for that. Other than that, buy a, buy a t-shirt or something from your favorite movie theater or you you know whatever that you want to stay in business support them yes any any place that's uh you know struggling struggling skate shots coming up with things like that yeah I have a plug

oh yeah I do Doug Loves Movies is taping in front of the live reduced capacity crowd at the Improv in Brea California on July 9th July 9th

June 9th Jesus hang on everybody everybody just relax. Hang on. Edit, edit, edit. June 9th. June 9th. Sorry.

2021. So this year on June 9th. So very soon. I'll have three of your favorites there in person. And we'll try to do everything the way it used to be done. And we'll see how that goes. One more time. Thank you to Amy Miller, Artie Marine. We'll be back maybe next week, but if not, then very soon.

And Sean Jordan. And as always, sincerely yours The Breakfast Club