Doug Loves Movies - Sean Jordan, Amy Miller and Jake Johannsen guest

Episode Date: December 7, 2015

Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Doug welcomes Sean Jordan, Amy Miller and Jake Johannsen to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves candy seeds Thank you. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is What Love Movies. Coming to you once again from one of my favorite spots, Helium Comedy Club.

It's a gas in Portland, Oregon! It's a gas in Portland, Oregon! It's Sunday, December 6, 2015. Let me see some name tags, Bridgetown. I know you got a lot of good ones. I know I won't be able to see many of them past the couple of front rows. Whoa, that's pretty...

Gobenher? Because your name is Ben? Your name is Goben? What the fuck kind of name is Goban? What the fuck kind of name is Goban? Is that a name anybody else has? It's just you. Your parents were just like, Goban.

Or was it something that was being yelled at your mom's vagina as you were being born? You can do it, Goban! Get out of there ex-matina that's nice that actress Alicia Vikander she just won some critics

award for best supporting robot and I am all about it the Italian Rob and then a giant big red fist attached to that. I don't know what that's about. Joel

versus the volcano? And you've got a volcano vaporizer on the thing. And is that a box you're holding? What is it? Yeah. It's a... Yeah. Like, why do I just make a sign

when I can attach it to a box? Yeah. I like it. And is that Jeff Tate, like, in a wig? Yeah, it's Meg Ryan as Jeff Tate. It's Meg Ryan as Jeff Tate? Well, if he were here today, he would definitely pick that name tag.

Cinema Paradixie-O? And your name's Dixie? Dixie and Goban. Well, everybody, great job. I see a clockwork orange over there. That's always a good one. 2,000 miles to Graceland, and your name's Grace? 3,000.

What? 3,000 Niles, because your name is Niles? That is getting tricky, because it's already... Graceland has already got a name in there, Grace. And you went that extra mile. Extra Nile. Coughing makes me laugh. I mean, the other way around. Scr around scratch that reverse it doug's plugs

douglas movies is coming to san diego sacramento san francisco seattle i can't get enough of cities to begin with s austin has an s in it uh for more info go to douglasmovies.com. That's douglasmovies.com. And the 12 Guests of Christmas East Coast Edition should be available for two bucks on iTunes any minute now. But if you're tired of waiting for it to pop up there, because there's a process with iTunes, I don't know why it takes so long. But if you want to get it at douglasmovies.com, you can do it there.

Prize bag. Well, first of all, there's, like, donuts backstage for me now. So, like, these are just anonymous donuts that have been donated to the cause. And I always feel bad about the donut thing in comedy clubs, you know, because I don't want to, you know,

mess up their club throwing donuts everywhere. And also, they always have a low ceiling, so you can't even throw them very far. But, you know, maybe we'll do some donut tossing since they're here. In Raleigh yesterday, somebody brought these same Krispy Kremes, and people were trying to catch them on their finger.

But that's, like, that's a pretty small window, the hole in the middle of these things. Oh, oh I just I touched the hell out of that one and then and then just put it back so no one else I guess I have to touch all of them to throw them so you're gonna get a doughnut touched by me and I think I'm in pretty good health right now I don't think I'll give you anything. But I brought a bag of stuff. My luggage didn't arrive today. Yeah, I know.

That always sucks, especially in the case of when I'm doing these shows, because there's prizes for you guys in my luggage. My luggage will show up at the hotel later tonight, I hope. So I just had to go over to the Lloyd Center and do some shopping

so that I would have some stuff. I got a couple of DVDs from the bargain rack. A couple of classics. We got Mallrats. And Hitler, the Untold Story. And then I pay cash, and I'm including the receipt if you want to go try to trade these in for something that's not Kevin Smith or Hitler.

And I've had this in my wallet for a long time. It's dated 2009, I think. Christmas 2009. I was somewhere, and David Koechner was there, a star of Krampus and Cheap Thrills. Cheap Thrills! And he signed a $20 bill and gave it to me

as a Christmas present. And I've had it for the longest time, and now I'm finally going to pay it forward. Someone's going to win that tonight. And then, I mean, good luck to my guests providing a better prize than this,

because when I saw this today, I was just like, this is an amazing thing. It is a... It's a shit emoji pillow. It's that stupid poo emoji, but a nice, soft pillow that you can put your face on or whatever you want to do with it.

You can wipe your ass with it. So all of that is going to be somebodies along with the gifts brought by my guests. So let's get them out here. Please give a big warm welcome to Sean Jordan, Amy Miller, and Jake Johanson. Jake Johanson! Hi. So nice of you guys to stand.

That's probably for you. I just assumed they're standing for me, but... I think it's donuts. It's probably for Jake. They're standing for donuts. No, I tell them to stand up at the beginning of the shows to make my guests feel better.

It's nice. And then I tell my guests after they do it that's why they did it. So I don't know if it has the desired effect. But also we got to we're getting a little

microphone feedback so we got to try to maybe it's because they're too close together. Can that happen? They can't. What's going on? Feedback?

Is it hot? Tangy mic? No, we're good. I know. Sometimes you can just touch them together and it's not a problem. But I was hearing a little something. Cheers. I did too, but I think that's when the microphone gets in front of a speaker, not another microphone.

Where is the speaker around here? Do you know how feedback works, Doug? No, and that's why I ignore all of it. If anybody has any feedback for me, I'm just like, nope, don't know how it works. Don't want to be part of that process.

Let's go down the line and meet everybody individually, starting with Amy Miller is back, you guys. Hi! Hi! She made her debut on this program, on this very stage. People loved her. So excited.

They were nice. They were so nice to you. It was fun. People are usually not nice to my first time guests. People are not usually nice to me. They're either dismissive or they just ignore them altogether. So I was very pleased with the reaction to your appearance. And you are going to be joining me tomorrow morning

on the AM Northwest program here in the... Yes. Right and early. How far out do you think people can see it? Do you think they can see it like in Eugene and Bend and places like that? I doubt it. Yes, Eugene? Eugene gets it? Yeah.

All right. Cool. So, I mean. Eugene does have cool stuff. Yeah. They got TV and everything. Yeah, so that'll be super fun being on that show with you tomorrow. I always have a good time on AM Northwest because it's like a pretty much a regular morning show for soccer moms

but I come on there high out of my mind and touch animals and help make food and, you know, whatever weird segments. Oh yeah,

that's a good point. That's a good point. Sean Jordan made that point, everybody. cookies that's a good point Sean Jordan made that point everybody another local I like to call him a local phenom right here and here in Portland because that's this the perfect way to describe him I appreciate it thank you and you did the a.m. Northwest with me one time I did I do you have any tips for Amy don't look like a slob like I did I was very upset with how very much. And you did the AM Northwest with me one time. I did. Do you have any tips for Amy?

Don't look like a slob like I did. I was very upset with how I looked. You look like a slob? I thought so. I've never seen myself on TV. That was about the lowest form of TV I could see myself on. I thought you looked buck. You thought I looked buck? Yeah.

I look buck in the bad way. Buck in the like, holy shit, that guy's got liquor seeping out of his forehead way. Way too early for him to be awake. Well, I know how to do that and also look good. Yeah, because you got the bangs for the cover up the forehead seepage. Sweats right through them. Yep. Nice.

And Jake Johansson's here, everybody. Yeah, hi. Headlined this club all weekend long. Was that good? It was great, but that's not all I did, Doug. What else did you do? I did AM Northwest on Friday. You did a remote?

You were out on the field for them? There's some kind of competitive Christmas tree decorating thing here. Sure there is. Yeah, well, look. What are you going to do? Go outside? I don't think so. So people were decorating Christmas trees, and I was on.

It was me and Santa. Santa was on that day. I don't want to bum you out, but I don't think Santa's going to be there tomorrow. He said he was busy. He's got to make toys. He doesn't make the toys. We all know that. That's Chinese people.

But anyway, I'm sure you'll have fun, you and Amy. I doesn't make the toys. We all know that. That's Chinese people. Anyway, I'm sure you'll have fun, you and Amy. I wasn't invited. Yeah, I never know what's going to happen when I go on there. I just know they're going to show a clip of something that embarrasses me from my past. Like one time I went on, they had footage of me with a hooker.

Well, I'm coming with you tomorrow. You'll have a hooker right next to you. Yes, I like it. What did you bring for the prize bag, Sean? I brought a bunch of stuff. I brought, okay. I'll rifle through it pretty quick. It's a lot of shit.

Sour Patch Candy Canes. You kidding me? Sour Patch Candy Canes? That's crazy. Super dope. A senior picture of me at... I'm from a little town called Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and these

are the Sioux Falls that I'm posing on. Also, with a note to someone else named Chris on the back, he scratched out, but it says keep in touch, but he doesn't remember who Chris is. Will you customize that for the winner? I will. Okay. Yeah, whoever wins.

If somebody named Chris wins, then I'm ahead of the game. There's some Hollywood movie theater passes, a gift certificate to Ground Control, the fucking Super Dope Arcade. There's a helium stress ball in here, in case anybody wants to do that. Some Sour Patch Kids. It's a helium stress ball in here in case anybody wants to do that. Some Sour Patch Kids. It's a popcorn

so go ahead and get buck with it. Do what you do. Enjoy the holidays. Pass that bucket down here. If you don't mind. And Amy can get started with her. Oh yeah. Okay. I'm excited because I just got back from Philly.

Yeah. It's a Philly-themed prize package. Have you guys seen Creed yet? Okay, well. Somebody goes, shit. I'm so into it. One guy saw Creed. You probably got a better reaction asking that in Philly.

It's a little Creed kit. If you haven't seen it yet, there's some Philly. It's a little creed kit. If you haven't seen it yet, there's some Philly-themed items you can take with you to see the movie. There's a little flask that says Philadelphia on it, so you drink in the movie. There's a little pouch that says Philadelphia. Put weed in it.

Oh, I was worried that that pouch was full of AIDS. No. Put weed in it. Oh, I was worried that that pouch was full of AIDS. No. They don't sell AIDS anymore. Popular Philly treat, tasty cakes. Very smashed.

Yeah. I flew back this afternoon. Are there as many tasty cakes as I had when I got on the plane? No, but it's a long flight, you know? And then just a fresh towel. If you, like, work up a sweat or, you know, ladies like Michael B. Jordan, any part of you gets wet during the movie and you have this... What would get wet during the movie?

I don't get it. She's saying Michael B. Jordan is a handsome young man. I get it now. In my underwear. That's it. Pass it down. Terrific contribution. Thank you very much.

Someone's really going to win big tonight, right, Jake? Yeah, I've got some prizes. Well, here's the problem. I knew that I was... You called me about this before I came to Portland. But then when I was packing, I forgot that I needed to get a prize thing. And then yesterday I realized, well, I sell prizes, souvenir crap for my ship. Not crap, it's valuable things. And so I have this shirt, I have a t-shirt

that says, please on the front and thank you on the back. And it's sexual. You can switch it on whichever way you like. So there you go. I like to say thank you right when I start fucking and please right afterwards.

Thank you for fucking me. Please leave. Well, some people like to back it in. So that's why you would twitch it around the other way. I'm not going to spell everything out. But okay, so this one is, I guess, a bumper sticker from my show also, but I think it fits with the towel that says, My vagina is driving me nuts.

It's true. And that's a good excuse for whatever type of driving that you're doing in your car. And then this is a T-shirt. Luckily, the people I'm staying with bailed me out because they had this great T-shirt from the Boston Marathon. It's a finisher a T-shirt. Luckily, the people I'm staying with bailed me out because they had this great T-shirt from the Boston Marathon. It's a finisher's T-shirt. People who finished the Boston Marathon, 2013. So this is the bombing year.

And that's a great souvenir. No blood stains or anything. Yeah. Can you believe that was going in the Goodwill box, but not tonight Alright well It's in the bag Yeah

It's clean it's been washed it's all okay They didn't give you the pants to go with it I didn't want to be pants to go with it? I didn't want to be greedy. Sorry, I was wondering. I don't think there are finisher pants for the Boston Marathon. That's maybe for some other thing. I don't like the expression finisher pants. Yeah.

That's gross. All right, you guys. I like to go down the line and ask everybody the same question. I got a couple of questions for you, maybe three tonight. But we'll start with Sean. What was the last movie you saw, Sean? I watched Fifty Shades of Grey on HBO the other night. Wow.

You just figured what the hell? You had a couple hours to kill? Had your finishing pants on? Yeah. I wanted to see what all the hype was about. I don't know. Months later when it shows up on HBO. Finally your curiosities.

What is all the hype about? It was supposed to be a really gnarly sex movie and I didn't think it was that gnarly. I didn't think, has everyone seen it? I didn't think the end of it was that bad. He hit Spankster like six times. Sex 101 right there. With all the other shit, with all the other

stuff that was in that room, he could have done a lot worse shit to that girl. You gotta read the book. I'm not. They make movies. I don't read books. If it's a good book, they'd make it into a movie. They're making the sequel.

It's really gonna happen. Like, same actors and everything. It's not a squeakquel. A squeakquel. A squealquel. Yeah, I just, I didn't get it. I watched it, you know it when it came out, and I was like, okay.

There's a parody coming out, though, right? Like a Wayans Brothers parody. Oh, yeah, that's right. Fifty Shades of Black. Yes. Brilliant title. That's what the title is. I mean, it's an obvious title.

Fifty Shades of Black. Yeah, they didn't work too hard on the title. Sean says it's brilliant. They're black. They're black. So that's why. That's how they came up with it. Although they made white girls. That movie.

And they're not white or girls. But that's what's funny about that movie. Yeah. Oh, no. There's something funny about each one of their movies. They go in hard with the premise. Yeah. What about you, Amy?

Have you seen anything lately? Well, I saw the night before. Not really worth mentioning. Oh, really? Okay. It was fun. I like Christmas. Today on the plane, I watched this documentary, which is like about five years old, called Shut Up, Little Man.

Oh, I watched that on a plane, too. It's great. Really? Flying United? Let's, you know, not drag specific airlines into it, because they lost my bag today. Yeah. But yeah, they have this IFC channel,

and they're currently showing Shut Up, Little Man, an audio adventure. A misadventure, an audio misadventure. It's got a long title. But yeah, just really fascinating. Yeah, it's about these two guys who moved to San Francisco in the mid-'80s, like young punks,

and then just started recording their neighbors who fought constantly, like these old drunk dudes. And then it turned into a play and comic books and a movie, and everybody was fighting over the rights to the movie. It's really very interesting. But sad a little bit. That dream doesn't really exist in San Francisco anymore. You can't just be like, I'm leaving Wisconsin

and going to get a shitty apartment in San Francisco and be an artist. And fight with my boyfriend. Yeah, and just drink. Like, it's over, and it's tragic. There's still a lot of places where you can drink your dreams away. Yeah, for...

Oh, other cities? Plenty of other cities, yeah, plenty. I've been doing it here for three years, so... I didn't know that they outlawed drinking in San Francisco or living next to loud neighbors Well, no, it's just too expensive to be like two young punks Oh, I see what you're saying Let's drive from Madison to live in San Francisco for a while

And see what happens Yeah, it's a pricey place to live, that's true If you want to drink your dreams away in San Francisco First you have to sell a successful startup And then you drink your dreams away Then you get into it So it's really sad Because you've actually sell a successful startup. And then you drink your dreams away. Then you get into it. So it's really sad because you've actually done a good thing

and then now you're wrecked. But the other way, you're just hoping for something good to happen, but it just never materializes. I'm getting really bummed out. Yeah. I'm looking at this Jameson on the rocks like, maybe I shouldn't drink the rest of that.

But I will. I will. I will. Don't tell me what to do. I'll do it. It'll get done. What was the last movie you saw, Jake? Well, the last time I was on the show

we were talking about Southpaw because the billboards were just going up in L.A., but I didn't see it then. I waited until it came out on the airplane console thing. And so I watched Southpaw over two flights. I couldn't get it all in in one.

I left it a little late. But the first half of that movie, it's a bummer. It's a real bummer. It starts out sad. Talk about drinking your dreams away. But first, I don't know why I don't want to spoil it. My dad's in that movie? What's that?

I liked Southpaw okay by the time it was over, but they call it Southpaw because he... That's the name for guys who box Southpaw, left-handed. Right. He switches left-handed for one punch two seconds before the fucking end of the movie. Yeah.

I think it's just too many boxing movies have been made. They're just out of expressions. I guess. They had to name a movie after a band, this latest boxing movie, Creed. They couldn't even... I would have called it Apollo Jr. if it were up to me.

And that would have been his name, so there would have been less scenes of them sitting around going, who is this guy? Yeah, it's Apollo Jr. Maybe Apollo 15? Yeah. But, uh... I love that pity laugh. It's awesome. Sometimes it's a transition laugh. But I just, yeah, Southpaw and Creed,

I might be, and I said this recently about space movies, I might be done with boxing movies because I just don't... There's no... That was the cool thing about the first Rocky is that he won through losing. He didn't win the fight but he lasted the whole fight. There was that thing he won without

actually winning. You can't do that in every boxing movie. The hero just has to win. Or get knocked into a coma in Million Dollar Baby. That's also an Well, you can either win or... Or get knocked into a coma and billion dollar baby, million dollar baby. That's also an ending. So you can either win or you can lose. Or you can lose but also win, technically.

Those are the three possibilities. Or a kangaroo shows up at some point. And that's just, that's fun. I didn't know we were going to get so deep. This is deep. I'm learning things about myself. Yeah, let's move on to something lighter, you guys. Let's talk about...

It's the holidays. We're in it. It's happening. People need movies to watch that are Christmassy or whatever. What's their favorite... Do you have a favorite holiday film, Sean? Of course, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

It's the best holiday movie. Or Die Hard, if you want to go that route. Die Hard is a fantastic holiday movie. I like to say that Die Hard's my favorite Christmas film. It's the best Christmas film ever made. Hands down. Do you write Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker,

in all your Christmas cards? I write that in all the cards cards? Because that's a good... I write that in all the cards that I think about sending out and don't. I don't sell... I mean, I don't do any of that stuff. I don't do anything. But I do enjoy Christmas-themed stuff, movies.

But they're mostly terrible. But I haven't seen Nat Lamp's Christmas Vacay in a while. Gotta watch it every year, dude. Do you think it holds up? Did you watch it recently? I haven't seen Nat Lamp's Christmas Vacay in a while. Gotta watch it every year, dude. Do you think it holds up? Did you watch it recently? I haven't watched it yet because we're not within the week of Christmas, but I will watch it as soon as I need to watch it.

Yeah, it holds up. You guys agree, right? Like six of you, it's the best fucking holiday movie. Yeah, I definitely think it holds up. I also like Love Actually still, so whatever. I still do. People love Love Actually. It got a lot of heat last year.

Last year it got a lot of shit. Remember that? Everybody was freaking out because they're just mean in that movie. Yeah, they are. Yeah. They fat shame the shit out of that one lady who's super hot. Yeah, all that frumpy gal's here and they're like, oh yeah, she is a little frumpy. Go fuck yourself.

That girl is amazing looking and also we don't need to bring that up. Hugh Grant's got a boner for the whole movie. What about you, Amy? Do you have a favorite? I go,

well, every Christmas Eve I watch Charlie Brown Christmas. But I always end up watching When Harry Met Sally. Both I just cry like an idiot through. When Harry Met Sally. Both, I just cry like an idiot through. When Harry Met Sally, I can go like Christmas Eve

to New Year's Eve on that movie because it kind of spans the whole holiday season. Yeah, I mean the big emotional moment is New Year's Eve in that movie, right? That's when they finally agree to get it on or be in love or whatever the fuck. Also, yeah. Whatever the fuck they decide. I guess I kind of have a theme, Sleepless in Seattle.

I watch that one around Christmas a lot. Same, cry. Just cry. You've Got Mail. It's probably pretty Christmassy. That's such a good movie. One person likes it over there. I like it too.

Two people like it. Great movie. Serendipity, is that Christmassy? Fuck yeah. Well, I don't know if that actually is Christmassy, but that's another fantastic movie. I just like romantic comedies. I love romantic comedies.

Sean loves rom-coms. I love romantic comedies. Let's start a spin-off podcast that you host where you just talk about that bullshit. Somebody just said no a little too loud, so now I'm going to. I think it was the You've Got Mail girl. Was it? She was with you, and then she wasn't.

I don't know. I don't trust her. No, you're not getting any mail. No Christmas card for you. You know it was an You've Got Mail girl. Was it? She was with you and then she wasn't. I don't know. I don't trust her. No, you're not getting any mail. No Christmas card for you. You know it was an actual mail, right? What? Yeah, no, it was electronic mail. It was emails. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they were doing it electronically. Keyword. Like aliens. Yeah. I get it. Jake. What about you, Jake? Well, I like Elf.

I think that's a funny movie. That's fun. Sweet. Except I don't think I can watch it with my kid because there's a little too much maybe Santa's not real in it. Yeah. And that sort of bumps me out.

Everything has Santa. Like, Krampus is like the first half hour or so is just a bunch of people berating a child for believing in Santa. It's just like, well, kids are going to see this movie. I mean, I guess they're not supposed to. It's PG-13. Maybe they're too old.

But, yeah. But it's, I don't know how any parent does it, because it's such a weird game you have to play where you just basically have to lie all the time. We don't have to lie. They want to believe. They want to believe. You tell them the thing that's not true, and they believe you. That's the thing about small children.

You could tell them frigging anything. You know, mom can fly. She just doesn't fly in front of us. She just doesn't do it. My kid thought I was 13 years old until she was like five. Okay. Okay So watch Elf and Love Actually And you guys really A lot of great tips there

Unheralded Christmas movies Bad Santa, can we throw that in there? Oh I love Bad Santa Bad Santa is hella dope Nothing makes me laugh harder Cry laughing than when Bad Santa? Can we throw that in there? Oh, I love Bad Santa. Bad Santa is hella dope. And it holds up. There's another one. Nothing makes me laugh harder, cry laughing, than when that one dwarf dude, the little person, Tony Cox,

and the little boy are in the ring together, boxing, and they punch each other in the nuts. Oh, so you're back on boxing now. It's so goddamn funny. Yes! Came full circle. Yeah. Watch your professionals. I love boxing movies. Put a little person in there and you're in. I love movies about Boxing Day.

That was a prequel to Creed is what it was. Shout out to Canada. Alright, I got one more thing I want to do before we start the game portion of the show. And this is a new... It's not really a game. It's more of just a warm-up. It's called

Tell the Truth, and I'm going to ask... Go down the line in order. I'm going to ask you just one question. Everybody gets the same question, but we'll start with Sean again. I just want you to just tell me quickly and honestly what is your favorite Will Smith movie?

Sean Jordan. I know my name. I feel like we're going to have the same name. I'm blowing it. I'm blowing it right now. Why are you blowing it? Because I'm not going to say my favorite movie because I can't think of my favorite movie. All those Will Smith movies?

You don't have a favorite? Independence Day. That's mine. That's a good one. When you were saying that, it gave me a second to think, but that would actually be my favorite Will Smith movie is Independence Day. It's dope. It's a good movie. Nothing too funny about it.

I get it. Not everything's hilarious, but it's just An earnest opinion Sean Sean Tell the truth Amy what's your favorite You want it to be

Wait hold on I didn't look for Was Will Smith here Is Will Smith in concussion Sitting right over there What's your favorite Amy My favorite is also Independence Day.

Tell the truth! Did we really have the same favorite Will Smith movie? Yeah, I knew we were going to have the same one. But it's like his breakout, though, you know? It's like his big, big initial blockbuster. I was going to say Hitch right out of the gate because I like romantic comedy so much. Hitch is so good.

I love Hitch. I love that movie. Tell the truth! Does anyone in here think that sounds like Will Smith? Jake, tell the truth! Is that from a Will Smith movie? It's from a Will Smith trailer. I'm not going to be good at this game. I can only remember...

There's no winning, there's no losing. I just want your honest like opinion what your favorite Will Smith movie I did not well I did like Independence Day but tell the truth it better be a favorite what's the one where he plays a guy who doesn't have a job but he has a kid

and they live in a pursuit of happiness of happy why why I didn't really like that movie but but I met that guy as a motivational speaker. Like, he gives talks and tells his story at corporate events, and that is good. I recommend that if you can... He gives you tips on how to live in a restroom with your son? Yeah, he does.

Well, he tells you how to, if you're, to don't do that, to get your shit together. You just got to keep telling them Santa Claus is on the way and soon we'll have a house, you know what I mean? Yeah, and get a suit. Santa's gonna bring us a house, we're gonna be out of this bathroom, it's gonna be dope. Don't let anyone tell you what you can't do. That's from Rubik's Cube. That was really good.

Okay, thanks. Not as good as Tell the Truth. Enemy of the State is very good also. Oh. Jason Lee is very good also. Jason Lee is in that movie. Used to be a professional skateboarder, Jason Lee did. And I was a Scientologist. Just like Will Smith, probably. We don't focus on that.

We focus on the skateboarding part. I just asked you to name one movie that's your favorite. And then all these lies start coming out. I did not like the one where he fights those zombie CGI guys. I Am Legend? Yeah, I didn't like that so much. You heard it. I Legend. Totally different movie.

And I Am Robot. Now it's part of the show where I say, let the games begin. before I say, let the games begin. Helium Comedy Club, it's a gas. Lady and gentlemen, we've got a lot of great name tags here this evening, and it's your job to go and pick just one, there's a boxing glove right there. It's your job to pick just one and bring it back to your seat. And while you do that, we'll do this.

We'll be right back after these words from a sponsor. It's the holidays, everybody. And Fandango is celebrating by giving away over $1 million in cash, prizes, and offers to Fandango VIPs. That's why I love being a Fandango VIP. So many great perks. If you're not one yet, sign up today so you don't miss out. It's free. Like me, there are probably a bunch of movies that you want to see over the holidays,

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All right, we're back. Sean Jordan, there's a lot of stuff attached to your sign. I feel like you pick things that have food involved and snacks. The Skittles got me, but also it's just a loud sign. It was fun. Just a loud name tag. I thought it was fun. What does it say?

David spelled wrong and Camille spelled wrong. So days to confused. I'm a man. No. Am I an asshole? Is that what it is? Yeah. Dave and Camille. There we go. Yeah, I'm an asshole. Otherwise, I would have got it right away. But anyway. You picked this for the free jerky.

Dave and Camille. I just picked it because it was loud and it's a lot of pressure going out there. I like the name tag. There's a lot of snacks hanging off of it. I like every name tag that I saw. There's Smart Food and Doritos. I don't see any Smart Food on there. It's at the bottom. That's Smart Corn. Original Snack St there. It's at the bottom. That's smart corn. Original snack sticks.

Yeah, so yeah. David and Camille. I see your motivation. So you're excited about eating all those things? I'm not going to eat any of those things. Why'd you pick it then? Just because, oh my God, I didn't know that I was going to be such an asshole. They're trying to bribe you with all those snacks and you're not even going to eat any of them?

Should we put them in the prize bag? I might eat the goddamn Skittles now that I'm getting screamed at. Maybe. I just picked it because it's a lot of pressure. Are you going to eat that stuff or not? Tell the truth! Eat the food! That's what I'll do. I'll eat the food. You're totally going to eat that stuff.

There's no way you're not going to eat all that stuff. I'm going to eat all that stuff. Yeah, sure. I'll eat the smart popcorn I'll eat the food. I'll eat it all. You're totally going to eat that stuff. There's no way you're not going to eat all that stuff. I'm going to eat all that stuff. Yeah, sure. I'll eat the smart popcorn first because that's the healthy thing. And then I'll go to the Doritos and the Skittles and the Twizzlers and the two sticks of beef jerky that were a dollar a piece. I can see that because it's marked right on there.

Alright. Who are you playing for, Amy? Someone named Julia. And near and dear to my heart Just a dirty and poor looking ginger baby With its hand in a can of beer And a dirty cigarette Cider House Jewels

This is me And a chain so you can wear the whole thing around your neck Yes, this is me as a child Look at that Are you going to smoke that cigarette? And a chain so you could wear the whole thing around your neck. Yes, this is me as a child. Look at that. Are you going to smoke that cigarette? That's a name tag. That's daddy's cigarette, Jake.

I don't have a dad. Good job, Julia. Yeah, very nice. I think the beer should be shittierier I don't know why you went classy cider Because this kid is definitely In a Bud Light can I like it I just always was confused with that movie

Because I thought it was Cider House rules Like it's the most amazing house Like it's the best house on campus Cider House is fucking tight. Yeah. But it's just the rules that they have there. Like, you know, you have to get an abortion, I think, is one of the rules.

You have to smoke cigarettes as a baby. Yeah. Cider House does rule. Yeah, it does. Jake, what about you? Well, I picked this one because I thought it was funny. The Cinderella Manda, but it's your... It's Amanda. But is that you? Is about you? Well, I picked this one because I thought it was funny. The Cinderella Manda, but it's your... It's Amanda.

But is that you? Made that, right? Is that you? And that's my face there, but she knocked out some of my teeth because it's a boxing movie, of course. I thought, yeah, you've been in a fight. Did you see that one? He's looking at the poster to refresh his memory.

I don't remember one with you. That was Russell Crowe. Yeah, I do know the... And Ron Howard directed it. I think I did not see it. Russell Crowe got his beautiful mind beat in. Yeah. Well, I hear he's kind of a guy who you want to see get punched.

Yeah. No, I haven't heard too much good stuff about him, but he's been good in some movies. Like, Ellie Confidential, he was quite good. Yeah, he's good in things. He's got a comedy coming out with Ryan Gosling. I can't think of two more hilarious guys. Although I guess Ryan Gosling was pretty funny

on SNL last night. I didn't see it. You didn't watch it? It was fucking fantastic. I heard he's really funny. He has this kind of style of seeming like he's about to break all the time. And it sounds like it works. He does the dramatic actor thing

where he checks himself. He's smiling and he goes, anyway. And then just looks back at the camera and doesn't actually break. And yeah, it's fantastic. Super fun. Alright. I'm gonna check that out. You would like the Carol Burnett show. I'll watch some clips. Because they do that. Well, that's what I saw.

Somebody on Twitter today said Ryan Gosling is the new Harvey Korman. Because he breaks in every sketch. But, you know, I'd enjoy watching him laugh in a sketch. Let's play some games. Now that we know who you guys are playing for.

And first up, it's an untitled new game that's very simple. I'm gonna say a movie, and the first one of you to say it back... Is the winner. What? It's like the games are getting dumber and dumber. Because my guests come on and can't name two Harrison Ford movies, so I have to make it simpler all the time.

I feel like I heard that wrong. I've had to describe all of my movies and then have you name them so far. So I like this as a game. Sorry, Jake. Yeah, it's just a speed talking game. And I gotta watch all your faces to see who says it the fastest.

Are you for real right now? Yeah. This is a game. It's a game. First person to say the thing that I'm about to say. Don't start saying every word I say. Hitch. This is like a combination of the podcast and the movie saying every word I say. Hitch. I love it. This is like a combination

of the podcast and the movie podcast, sort of. Yeah, sort of. What would be like this is a game that you would come up with? While you're high? Yeah. I'm going to say something

and you say it back to me as fast as you can. Wait, so now you're creating a scenario where two people are together playing this game? Yeah. I'll say it. You say it back as fast as you can.

I'll say it. You say it back as fast as you can. Okay. It's fun, right? Now I'll do it. Now I'll do it. Mom's going to be home in a minute. Mom's going to be home in a minute.

See? That was a fun game you guys just played. Can I play that game with you guys? We're all about it. I'm excited now. Do you want to go first? Can we have more people play that game? Do you want to go first or do you want me to go first? Go for it, Doug.

I can't find my keys. Hitch. I said what I wanted you to say. That's what I said. All right, Doug, say hitch. Let's play. All right, I'm going to watch this. Ten things I hate about you.

No pre-guessing Dazed and confused Are you ready, Sean? I'm born on a green light, dog Let's do it Why just me? We're all playing, right? Yeah No, but you were looking the other way.

I got to see your lips. I can't decide. It's going to be, you know, somebody's going to win by just the... You were looking the other way. Yeah, don't block my view, Jake. I got a question for you guys. You're cheating. Do you want to win?

Yeah. Okay. I do too, then. This is only the first game. This is only the first game, but it's a stepping stone to winning prizes for who you're playing for. We're doing like the Scooby-Doo thing. All of our heads are, like, kind of stacking on each other. We're trying to find the ghost.

Maybe we should get in front of you like this. No, it was fine right where you were. Then they can't see it. I need them to help me judge if I can't decide who did it the fastest. Why don't we all say it straight out, and then they'll vote? Oh, so he can't see your face.

Now it's a game. Now it's a game. Now it's a game. Are we all looking straight? Okay, you ready? All right. Look good, feel good. Look good, feel good. Was that a movie?

No. Look good, feel good? It's going to be the title of a movie, so that's how you know that it's not. But how do I know that look good, feel good is not a movie? It might be a direct-to-VOD movie of some kind. Here we go. Here we go. This is ridiculous.

There was a movie called Away We Go. Away We Go. Away We Go. I said it first. I said it first, but I said it real quiet. I learned from that one. All right. No, the movie is just one word, just to make it simple,

and we'll see who can spit it out the fastest after I say it. Focus. Hitch. Tell the truth. Concussion. All right. No more screwing around. Here we go.

Krampus. Krampus. Jake won. Jake won. I definitely lost. I know that much. To be fair, I was closer to you, so the sound didn't have to travel as far.

Yes, that's right. It was a time zone situation for the other two players. Not a lot of people know this, but Krampus is German for hitch, so I think I got it. I think I won way before. All right, let's do one more. Cheap Thrills.

Cheap Thrills. Sean got that one. Amy wasn't even participating. This is the dumbest game. Amy. I'm embarrassed. I like that you said it really fast. Like, it doesn't matter how fast you said it.

Oh, that's true. Well, it does, because it was two words like that. If I say cheap and I pause. Trick. Yeah, see, then you're going to guess something that's not even moving. I have to say the cheap part, too. Cheap per by the dozen. Do you want a donut, Go Ben?

Yes. There you go, Ben. Eat it. I'm going to give donuts to runner-up name tags. Where's that boxing glove guy? There you go. Just take the donut. Right where he was.

He's already eating cheesecake. Yeah, dunk it in your cheesecake. Get it going. All right. So that was just silly. We're going to play a real game now. But Jake did win that game by saying Krampus. I thought it was a tie.

He said Krampus the fastest. So we'll start with Jake. I just robbed you. Oh, boy. No, I won the other one. The second one. That wasn't a real one. That was a fake.

That wouldn't count. That was just for fun. That wasn't a real one. That was just for fun. That was demonstration. That was just for cheap drills. Cheap drills. Whose tagline is it anyway? I will say this is just Jake on this one.

I'll just say a tagline from a motion picture, and you tell me the name of the motion picture. And the tagline goes like this. Seeing is believing! With an exclamation point. Seeing is believing. What movie do you think that is, Jake?

What movie do you think that is, Jake? I'll give you a clue. It's not Hollow Man. Okay. Is it about a blind person or a magic trick? Because that one is not seeing, it's believing that a person isn't there. What? Is it about a blind person or a magic trick? You can't ask questions like that.

Those are both pretty valid questions. Well, I feel like it could be about those two things. Or an extraterrestrial, maybe? Well, guess a movie that has something to do with one of those things and maybe you'll be right. You don't have to be mean about it. I'm currently the leader in this game.

I'm going to get. I don't know. I don't know, but I feel like if you don't even try. You've got to guess something. You could give up a chance to win. So I'm going to guess Seeing is Believing. The Prestige. That's not a bad guess. It's a magic trick movie.

Amy? What do you think it is? Seeing is believing. I'm feeling aliens or some sort of sky people. I like aliens. So I'm going to go contact. What an unnecessary deep cut. That was... Plus that movie

would be hearing is believing because Jodie Foster hears some weird signal. She hears some weird beeping and she figures out that it's aliens. Does she go there and see... She goes there and sees them though.

Does she go there? Does she go through some kind of thing? I think someone... I think another character says don't go there. It's a dad issues film. It's a dad issues film?

Yeah. What do you think, Sean? What, contact? Seeing is believing. Seeing is believing. Casper. That's a deep cut? Dad issues deep cut the whole night.

I did it all. And, you know, he's a ghost. I'm sorry, you guys. The correct answer is Santa Claus the movie. Santa Claus. Oh, Christmas. Of course. Starring Dudley Moore and Go-Go Lithgow.

All right. Who? Go-Go Lithgow? John Lithgow? Sure, sure. I got it. But I thought you were... We call him Go-go.

Sure. Why? Just something that started when he was on the show. We just started calling him that. Because it's an easy way to remember how to pronounce it. Instead of saying Lithgow, you know it's Lithgow because he's Go-go Lithgow. Go-go Lithgow. Got it.

He's not Gow-gow Lithgow. That's going to come in. You had to do that, didn't you? Now it's going to fuck me up when I see him. Is it go-go or gal-gal? Gal-gal Lithgow, how you doing? It's Jake. Good to see you, man. Good to see you again. Wanna go get brunch at the same place or no? No? Alright.

Okay, here's another one. Starting with Jake again. You've never seen Santa quite like this before. I've got a feeling that this one is about Santa. And so I'm... It's just an alternate tagline for Santa Claus the movie.

Are they all Santa Claus the movie? That would be so awesome. I'm picturing... What is it again? I forgot already. What were you picturing? It's Go-Go Lithgow. I remember that.

You've never seen Santa quite like this before. This doesn't even seem accurate to me. Flash dance. Nope. Amy? I'm going to go The Santa Claus, starring Tim Allen. That's not a terrible guess. No. That's not a terrible guess. No, it's not a terrible guess, Doug.

Sean? I'm going to say Bad Santa. Oh, yeah. That's another terrific guess. That's a good answer because it's plausible to me. Those are all on the zone. Mine was terrific. Yeah.

The answer, and like I said, I don't believe this now. I'm looking right at it. Didn't you? Oh, you don't want me to look? Yeah, you don't want me to look at all the answers? I'm sorry, I just wanted to look because I was curious about the answer. The answer is jingle all the way. So close.

Okay, Arnold wasn't Santa in that, right? He was just some dipshit dad? So Santa was pretty normal in that movie, am I right? But he was pretending to be... No, because he's a big, muscly, weird... Are we talking about the same Arnold? I'm kidding, he's very muscular, I get it. I think it means you've never seen Santa in a fight.

Doesn't the real Santa show up and they start fighting or something? I don't know. That's weird. I might have gotten that one wrong. What's weird to me is that you wrote that. You wrote the game. Well, I have to write it down from somewhere. I know I get it, but you're surprised by it. Maybe I was like, oh, let's see what the tagline is for Jingle

all the way. And like, you know, IMDB isn't always right. They're pretty much always right. Alright, pretty much always right. All right, let's do another one. Yes, let's. Jake, the trap is set. The game is on. See, that could be jingle all the way.

Because those Turbo dolls are in the stores. The game is on. It seems like it's that movie Troll, though. I feel like you're switching them now. To what? Like Troll Hunter or something like that. Troll Hunter? That was a movie, wasn't it?

And it took place in the snow. So it could be a Christmas movie. Okay. Amy? I'm going to say Home Alone. I'm gonna say I'm gonna say Home Alone I don't know if it's much of a game to beat up

robbers but another great guess it's not as good as that game where you say a movie and then someone says it right after Krampus Krampus. Krampus. All right. Oh! Sean, do you have any idea? The trap is set.

The game is on. I'm going to say The Running Man because he calls someone Christmas tree in The Running Man, so that could be a Christmas movie. Hey, Christmas tree, over here. You guys probably thought Arnold Schwarzenegger was here for a second, but it was just me doing an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger in Running Man, which I believe is the winning guest.

Doug, can I get confirmation on that? The trap is set, the game is on, is the tagline for Reindeer Games. Oh. My favorite Ben Affleck vehicle. Fuck! The way they said oh is almost like they all knew it was raining. It's easy to act like you know. Yeah, it's so easy to act like you know.

Here's another one, Jake. I think we know where this is going. Sometimes Christmas is about getting what you really want. Show girls. Christmas is about getting what you really want. Showgirls. Nobody really wanted that. It's better than you think it's going to be. I've seen it so many times. I mean, I may want to try having sex in a pool again.

That movie. It's the highest grossing NC-17 movie of all time. Grossing, like gross people out? Yeah. It grossed out the most number of people of any NC-17. At that, it only made like $20 million. That's enough to make it

number one, because nobody wants to make NC-17 movies, because kids can't go. Who were we on? Have you guessed yet, Amy? No. Sometimes Christmas is about getting what you really want.

It's not showgirls. Just to be clear. I'm going to say Blow, starring Johnny Depp. In case you guys were wondering what to get me for Christmas. Those are the top two things on your list. That's just a hint for me so that you know. Yeah.

Some Blow and then Johnny Depp. You said Blow and then Johnny Depp. Yeah. Blowing Johnny Depp. We were... I kind of want to do that, too. But don't you worry that he's going to grab your face too hard with his scissor hands? You're just going to get a wicked haircut while you're blowing him.

It's going to be the best thing. Or I'm blowing him. You know, I could use a haircut, too. All those rings are dangerous enough. He's got so many rings. Can you imagine being fingered? All right. It's just a lot of rings.

The show has kind of changed, Doug, since the last time I was on. He's won a lot of Super Bowls. That's what I'm saying. I get it. I see what you did. Sean. What was the... Krampus.

We got off topic. It's sometimes Christmas is about getting what you really want. Come on, man. You can do this. Why is all the pressure on me if you get this right i'm gonna throw a donut at the guy with the nine inch nails shirt on or it's a secret of nin shirt i i doubt it i don't know, man.

Come on, man. Sometimes Christmas is about getting what you really want. I don't. The Grinch. How the Grinch stole Christmas. I know it's not right. That's a good guess. Donuts going back in the box.

Yeah, sorry. You were bummed Because it wasn't covered in blood anyways So why would he throw it at the nine inch nail shirt, right? I get it It's a Christmas classic called A Christmas Story A Christmas Story Little Ralphie, gets what he really wants Yeah

And I got one more loaded up And ready to go Hopefully one of you guys will get it But if you don't, Jake is still Top dog I got one more loaded up and ready to go. Hopefully one of you guys will get it. But if you don't, Jake is still top dog. For saying Krampus? I got one, too. Believe me, no one's more surprised than I am. That I'm winning this thing.

Here we go. No! Exclamation point. Ho! Exclamation point. Ho! Exclamation point. Ho! Exclamation point. No!

Ho! Ho! Oh. Fifty Shades of Black. I'm trying, Doug. Yeah, no, that was a real strong effort. All right. Amy?

I feel like this one might be bad Santa. No? Ho-ho. No. Ho-ho. No. Ho-ho. No ho-ho. Ho-ho. Oh, pretty woman

No that's a yes ho ho That's no longer a ho Ho Not a ho A ho no mo Sean if you don't get this Why the fuck does it have to fall on me again Those guesses were so far off.

Hang on, Sean. That hint is not that far off. Come on. The reason that you get to even answer is that we're losers, so don't feel bad about yourself. You're not a loser. Neither are you, Amy. You guys are both top-notch in my book. But Sean, I was gonna say that if you get it wrong,

I'm gonna throw a donut at the Nine Inch Nails guy. Really trying to make this happen. So if you get it right, you're going to be the winner of this game, and that guy's not going to get a donut. He's in. And I would like you to take your hat off again, because I would like to throw it into your hat.

It's nice that you wore your donut catcher to the show tonight. Sean? Your donut catcher. That's a fun one. Hitch. It's got to be Hitch, right? Is it Hitch?

It's got to be. I mean, I know that movie, Front to Back, and they say no ho-ho so many times. It's not Hitch. Oh. Don't eat it. Don't let him do that. Oh, and he's eating all of them.

No, it's a movie called Christmas with the Cranks. Yeah, I don't get that. No. You say, oh, like you would have got it. I wouldn't, nobody would have got that. Yeah, because I guess they're not into Christmas. So no, ho, ho. Did you see Christmas with the Cranks?

I have not. That's Tim Ellican. Tim Ellican? Tim Ellin vehicle, right? Tim Elligan? Tim Elliott? Tim Elliott? I've never seen it myself.

I think we should all like watch Christmas with the Cranks this year. Someone over there is like, no. No. Ho. Ho. Have they made Christmas with the Clumps? I would watch that. That's a great idea.

That would be a boost for... Because Eddie Murphy, what's his deal? Like, is he going to stop doing things? Do you think he has any money in his giant house? Oh, I'm sure he's got all that. I bet Eddie Murphy is broke. I think Christmas with the Clumps is a great idea. I don't know if he listens to the podcast.

It's a really good idea. I didn't like the second Klumps movie very much. So it would be nice to have Brett come in with a trilogy. Palette blender. And bring it back for you. Do a classy ending, you know? But I think people are sick of seeing Eddie Murphy play all the parts. I don't think people want to see that anymore.

I was never sick of that. I'm not. Yeah, you a big Norbit fan? I mean, yeah, coming to America really sucked, you know what I mean? So, yeah. I don't know what your point is, Sean. He played all the parts.

Yeah, and do you know how long ago that was? And do you know how he's not doing that anymore because people are sick of it? Just look over here for a while. I'm sorry for yelling at you again. But Jake gets to go first in this next game, and we'll switch the order around. We'll go to Sean and then to Amy.

I had to go first in that game that we just did every time. Had to go first? Got to, got to. Sorry. Let's do it. Let's do it. I'm excited. I'm excited. I lost my head. No, I'm ready. I'm ready. After my showing... I'm not good at movies where you tell you... What's it called? The slag tagline?

Slug tagline? Whose slag line is it anyway? Yeah. It's all about hoes. tagline? Slug tagline? Whose slagline is it anyway? It's all about hoes. Yeah, that's okay, but you'll be better at this game, and going first in this next game is very helpful because you get all the options, because we're playing Last Man Stanton.

Oh, and I'm going to play along, too. So it'll go Jake and then me and then Sean and then Amy. And we just have to take turns naming movies that a particular actor or actress has been in, as suggested by... He's already stressing out. You can't be bummed already. I know, but unless it's Harrison Ford or something, I'm going to be... It might be.

You think you'd be good at Harrison Ford? You think you'd be good at him? What do I have to do? Do an impression of him? No, name one of his movies. Yeah, I can do that. I can name one of his movies. Okay, let's go ahead.

Do you want me to go now? Yes, now. Are you saying it is Harrison Ford? It's not. I just want to... You're so confident about Harrison Ford. I know. I want to hear what one you would say if it is Harrison Ford? It's not. You're so confident about Harrison Ford. I want to hear what one you would say if it was Harrison Ford.

It was a freak out for me that I guessed that it was Harrison Ford. Do you want me to say one? I'm hearing a lot of stalling over there. You can say it back fast. This is the part of the show that I'm good at. Just the fuck talk. That's the part I'm good.

The part we actually have to win, I can't do. I'm trying to stretch this part out more. Amy's over here being a working girl, so she could probably give you one, right? Blade Runner, that's mine. Blade Runner, he nailed it. Yeah, okay. Very good.

But Working Girl is also one. I thought it fell on deaf ears. I'm glad somebody caught it. Yes, ho, ho. Yeah, you would have been in good shape if it was Harrison Ford, but that's not who it's gonna be. No. Is it Richard Gere? We don't know yet, ho. Yeah, you would have been in good shape if it was Harrison Ford, but that's not who it's going to be. No.

Is it Richard Gere? We don't know yet, Jake. Is it Richard Gere? What would you say for Richard Gere? Pretty woman. I already said it, so I would just say that again. That's real easy. Yeah, you just bring it up again.

That's how I thought I would do it. Just do a callback. No, the person in the audience, people always tweet at me that they have great suggestions for this game. And I can't take everybody. But there's somebody that is here all the way from Toronto for some reason. And their name is Fillerworks? Yep. Is that your P-H-I-L-L-E-R works?

Fillerworks? Earl. Huh? Your name's what? Earl. Earl? But whatE-R works? Filler works? Huh? Your name's what? Earl? But what does your name mean, Filler Works? Because you're Filipino? Your Twitter name is Filler Works?

Like, hey, I'm a Filipino and I have a job. Seems very disparaging to your fellow Pinos. Pino and I have a job. Seems very disparaging to your fellow Pinos. Well, I just want to make something clear. When other people are making fun of you, they say mean things, but when you're picking out your own Twitter handle, you don't have to do that to yourself. Yeah.

Right? You don't. So why Fillerworks? You need to better get... Nothing like a Twitter handle you have to explain to every person that comes across it what it means

and then it's not satisfying when they get that information. But you said... And why are you here from Toronto? You moved here or you are visiting?

No, I'm traveling around America. You're traveling around America? Well, there's no reason to leave. Portland's plenty. Yeah.

What's your next stop? Seattle? Oh, knock it off. You should probably go to Sioux Falls, South Dakota instead of Seattle. You're going to be startled at how different Seattle is from Portland. Yeah. Like, for one thing,

the weather's completely different from what it's like today here. It's very different. Well, good luck with it. How many cities are you going to visit? I'm almost done. Almost done? Two weeks left. Okay, now I'm really curious.

What's next after Seattle? Wait, wait, Canada? Oh, no. Wait a minute. Are you really trying to pull this bullshit with me? I'm visiting all of America. I'm going to Canada next. Doug, Canada's in North America.

It's North America. It's North America. It is North America. That's true. But so's Toronto. Where this dude is from. But it's really hella cold in Toronto right now, I bet. So good, good, good scheduling. What do you got for us for Last Man Standing, my new friend?

I'm gonna go with Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves? People like it. People are excited. You get to start us off, Jake. Any Keanu Reeves movie. Okay. I got a good feeling about this.

He went to lunch with Richard Gere one time, so just go off of that. Oh, wait, let me give Fillerworks a donut. Oh! That's just absurd. The audience has to be on their guard at all times. That went nowhere near that guy.

Apologies if I hit somebody in the face With a donut If I get this right can I have a drink You can have a drink either way What do you need I'm going to have what you're having Adam knows what that is And then I would like to say Can I have a drink

Someone please bring Jake his mystery drink Can I have a vodka soda? But I want mine with the flour in it. Thank you, Adam. What are you having? Vodka soda. She's going to have a vodka soda. And I hope that Doug doesn't just pick it up and drink it this time.

Yeah, I drank her drink backstage. What about... He's like opposite Cosby as a... As a mentor comedian. I'll take that. I just think if I'm going to knock you out, I should be on the same page. I want us to both pass out.

This is going to be a fun night. I mean, it's already great, but I can't wait for you guys. Do you need anything, Sean? Yeah, yeah. They got him. They got him. Okay, cool.

Thank you. Keanu Reeves movie. Ready? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The Matrix. See? So it's easy for you guys on the next two.

I get to go now, and then Sean. And I'm going to say... The Matrix 2. No, because you've got to do the full correct title, Jake. No, I know. I know. I've been caught on that shit. You can say sequel.

I'm going to say John Wick. I'm going to say that I'm disgusted that they're remaking this movie and I'm fucking furious about it because the guy in the T goes, much like myself, I think these terrorists are extreme athletes. Go fuck yourself, dude. It's insane.

Point Break is going to be the movie, but it's just bananas to me. It's absolutely insane. I don't get that at all. The whole... Where does that come from, even? I haven't seen the first one in a long time, but why do they need to make another one?

It's like they do different extreme sports in it, and so it's to showcase that kind of action, but they hired... That movie, when that movie came out and to this day it's always been Swayze and Keanu. It's been two legendary actors in a crazy

ass movie. Directed by a woman by the way. Why are you looking at me? Catherine Bigelow. Yep, that's right. I know it wasn't a question. Who directed Krampus? Thanks, man. There you go, Amy. There's question Who directed Krampus? Thanks man But

There you go Amy There's your drink Krampus Oh thanks Can I get a quick slug of that? No Make sure it's all dialed in Can I get my lips on that?

Pass that over A slug of that Yeah no I'm with you I'm very I'm very infuriated with the the point break doesn't need

need to be remade but it's It's fucking insane. It's the idea of taking advantage of a known name and getting the older people that know what it is and then young new people. I think it's going to fail. All the older people are going to be pissed about it

and the younger people would have gone to see it if it was called something else. I don't think people are going to go. It's opening on Christmas Day against 10 other movies. It could be good and it could be the greatest double feature ever to watch them both. To watch Point Break and then Point Break. But which one do you watch first?

That's the real question. Who needs a good Point Break? The point is it's not a great movie, but it's fun, you know? It's a great movie. I think it's a great movie. Okay. I really do.

I enjoyed it. A lot of time to think on this one, Miller. What'd you say? I really do I enjoyed it Speed Wait is that another request What did you say Speed I'd like vodka and soda and some speed Alright Jake it's back to you man I'm slowly reaching the bottom

Of my barrel but I do know Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Mm-hmm. Did you make this show simpler because I was going to be on? Because that would be sweet of you to have done that. No, we're about to play the complicated game in a second. Okay. As soon as we get through this.

But I have a feeling we're going to do a great job with the Keanu Reeves titles. I mean, we're not going to be able to do it forever. I mean, eventually, something's got to give. You know what? You know what I'm going to do, though, is I'm just going to play devil's advocate and say maybe we will be able to do it.

Maybe we can do this game forever. Who knows? I'm going to have some babies and have a parenthood. Is that a thing? It was a stretch. I would like to take a walk in the clouds, but I don't know if that's really one of them.

A walk in the clouds. That's a pretty deep cut. That's a tough pull I'm in a zone Alright Let's lighten things up a little bit Let me tell you guys a joke Knock knock

Who's there? Who's there? That's the name of the film Knock Knock? I had no idea. Let me tell you another joke. Matrix Reloaded. That's what I was going to say.

Oh shit, I might be out now. Get in me. You can't be. Come on. Oh, shit. I might be out now. Get in me. You can't be. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Quit fucking around. It would make me feel good if you were out.

I know. I'm doing it for you. Okay. This is real bad. You said John Wick already? That's how I knew it. Yeah, I'd say I'm having a pretty bad day. Do you think John Wick was here for a second? That's how I knew it. Yeah, I'd say I'm having a pretty bad day. Do you think John Wick was here for a second?

That's just me. I thought it was Arnold Schwarzenegger, actually. Hey, Christmas tree! Over here! Spot on, dude. You could tell me otherwise, but I know what I heard. I'm totally blank. I can't.

You got this. You can do this. I appreciate your encouragement, but there's nothing in my head right now. All right. I'm out. Sorry to disappoint you. That's okay. It's okay.

Jake. I love Amy. That one didn't actually get made. I know. Because you know it, but that doesn't mean I... Here, beam it to me. Don't you dare. I can't.

Speed two. What are you doing speed two there's more to it she's out right so I can do speed two full title full metal speed I don't know

did you say full metal speed speed two back in the habit I'm back in the habit. I'm back in, right? Speed to the squeak-whirl. There's no getting back in and Jake, is that your final answer? Yes.

Okay, he wasn't in speed two and it was called speed two cruise control. It was actually Tom Cruise that was in it. Cruise control speed 2. Too easy? Was that too easy? I'm sorry. Yeah, it was? I'm sorry. The lake house.

Well, wait a minute. It's just down to you and Sean right now. Yep, that's right. Well, you can't win. I sure can. If you win, then I'm still the champion. Well, you can't win. I sure can. If you win, then I'm still the champion. I don't understand that logic. Sean is still naming Keanu Reeves movies, which you have ceased to do.

No, I get that. So Sean will win even if he doesn't win. Right, that was my point. Because I can't win. He's already won. He has, but we're going to keep going. For funsies. Even though a lady in the audience decided it was time to start yelling out answers. She didn't. She just said woo.

Or right. Did you say an answer? No, no, no. I heard a title from over there. All right. Matrix Revolutions. Yep. I know.

A spattering of applause. I get it. Everybody wants Doug to win, but he's not fucking going to. He will. He will. He will. The one I heard over there was the replacements, and I'm not going to say that. Cool. We'll take that one off the table.

You'll take that one off the table. But I'll go ahead and say another sports film. For sure. Hard Ball. You said it wrong. I don't think it would have sold as many tickets if it was advertised as that with all the little kids in it. Hardball.

It was all about little kids and a coach. Little kids getting hardballed. Hardball. Hardball. It's got to be more fluent. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Yes. Constantine.

Talk it off. You guys want to say some funny stuff for like 30 seconds? I really blew it off. Anything itching at you for about 30 seconds? You guys can still kibitz though and kind of talk shit a little bit. What's your favorite? Did you say kibitz? You guys can still kibitz, though, and kind of talk shit a little bit. What's your favorite? Did you say kibitz? Kibitz.

Kibitz. Kibitz. Kibitz. Kibitz. It's like a... You are kibitz in this game. Krampus. I'm out.

No, I know. Yeah. Anything else, Sean? Motherfucker. No. No. I don't. I can't think of it.

I'm sorry. It's tricky. Come on. You can do I can't think of it. I'm sorry. It's tricky. Come on. You can do it. Just think of it and then say it. Wow. Do you coach Little League? Because you're awesome.

Full hearts can't lose. Clear eyes, full hearts can't lose. And he had nothing to do with that entire franchise. I don't say the clear eyes part because I can't manage that. But my heart's pretty full. Friday Night Lights. Yes. That's what that is from.

Keanu Reeves in that? Jake's looking for side games now. I'm out of this game. You're like a gambler. When he loses in poker, he's like, oh, come over here and cut a deck with me, somebody. Can I use the fact that he was in that Paula Abdul video called Rush Rush? Can we call that a movie for just the sake of the game?

It was like a mini movie. It was really long. He got his tires flashed by the bully. That's funny that that's in your head. Like you can remember that. I'm a big softie. I like romantic comedies. Not one of the many, many movies that he's. So you're officially done? Yeah that I'm a big softie I like romantic comedies but not one of the many movies so you're

officially done? yeah I'm out alright that's cool I'll say one more just to oh you know what it's kind of cool is you know I said the lake house earlier do you know that that house is located right by the river's edge?

I've never heard of that movie. Hey, don't go all Johnny Mnemonic on me, you guys. What else did we miss? 47 Ronin? 47 Ronin. Ronin Oh Dracula What Dracula movie Dracula

Day the Earth Stood Still Scanner Darkly My Own Private Idaho Much Ado About Nothing For the fancy types Feeling Minnesota That's right Much ado about nothing for the fancy types. Feeling Minnesota, that's right. I love you to death.

Everybody's got one. What? Sweet November. It's not in that. I think that's just a statement. It's not in that movie. Does he have a cameo in that or something? Me, you, and everyone we know? Oh.

Oh, what about the gift? Oh. Yeah. The gift. He abuses Katie Holmes in that movie. When the gift came out, the new one, I thought they were remaking the gift for some odd reason. You know the new one that came out? I got real bummed when I thought. I was like, why the fuck would they remake the gift? But then they did the new one, and that they were remaking the GIF for some odd reason. You know the new one that came out? I got real bummed when I thought. I was like,

why the fuck would they remake the GIF? But then they did the new one, and that was also really fun. Anyway, let's continue. No big deal. We don't need to dwell on that. My own private Idaho, Bram Stoker's Dracula. That's right. Thumbsucker? Oh, yeah. You're right.

Whoa, what's with him being dentist all the time? I'm available to be a dentist What? Okay Chain reaction Dude's made a lot of movies He's a busy guy We fucked up, Jake

Street Kings? Street Kings? Street Kings. You're right. He did. Yeah. The Watcher. Somebody said Scanner Darkly already.

Little Buddha. Wow, this could go all night. Yeah. I think it could probably go for two more minutes. The subtext is it rains a lot here. And so people stay home and they watch a lot of movies. They just stay in and watch. They warm themselves with Keanu. Yeah, that's what I would do.

But it doesn't rain that much here, actually. No, you're right. It doesn't. Has he been in any Christmas films? No Christmas films? Surprises me. Oh, I know he must have been in a Christmas movie. Man of Tai Chi?

Babes in Toyland! Babes in Toyland. Babes in Toyland? Sounded like you said babies in Thailand is what I heard. That just sounded like a thought. Oh, I heard they're really cheap over there. I heard you could get them for two for a dollar. Lady Boy starring Keanu Reeves. I just have to say finishing pants.

That's all I have to say. Well, Keanu's made a lot of movies. We're all very proud of him. But now it's time to play Reverse Malton. Start with Sean, and then we move to Amy. I remember how the Leonard Malton game works, but how does the reverse Maltin work? Reverse Maltin is you have to bid on how many actors you think you can name from the movie that is chosen. And Sean gets to pick first between three films.

And he also starts the bidding so you don't have to worry about it too too much at this point Jake might not might not even get to you this round we'll see Sean which one of these do you think you know the most actors and actresses from Carrie Christine or Cujo? Can it be the new Carrie? Stephen King has made a lot of C-words movies. And you have to pick one of those. I asked if it could be the new Carrie,

and Amy gave me a quiet off mic no. Carrie. We're going to say Carrie. You're going for the 1976 Carrie? Yes, I am. That Leonard Maltin. Oh, I have to say the number of... Wait, hang on. I'm going to tell you how many.

I'm going to tell you how many names Leonard lists, and then you bid first on how many of those you think you can name. Right. We're playing reverse Malton. Oh, okay. I thought this was the way the other... It's not. This is different. It's reverse. You start with a low

number and you'll go up. Well, if he wants to, but he could start with a high number if he thinks he can do it. This is just the Leonard Malton game. No, it isn't. No, it's reverse. When has the Leonard Malton game ever started?, it isn't. No, it's reverse. I don't see how it's reversed. When has the Leonard Maltin game ever started? I'm going to let you pick a movie.

Okay, all right, okay, all right. Sorry, I just got mixed up because the rules are very similar. Okay, all right. Yeah, it's reverse Maltin. It's a similar game. But backwards. All right, okay, okay. I apologize.

Let's go, let's go. Carrie. Sean. I'm going to say the name of a movie, and I want you to say it back to me as fast as you can. You didn't see that documentary, Sean? It was such a good one, dude. Sean.

Sean of the Dead. Leonard lists eight, nine names. So how many of those nine names do you think you can name from the motion picture Carrie from 1976? An evocative tale, according to Leonard.

One. That's going to be your opening bit is one name? You can name one person from that film. Yeah. You didn't have to say it so bummed out. Now, Amy can challenge, hoping that you're still thinking of the more recent Carrie. Or she can say two names, three names, however many up to nine.

I'm only one. You have to say more than one. Yeah. I love where I'm sitting right now. Jake figured this out. Yeah, I love where I'm sitting right now. Yeah, you're in the catbird seat. Okay, two.

You said I have to say more than one? It doesn't feel confident. Well, you either have to say two or you have to say name it Which is like giving it to him because he probably does know one I don't want to give it to him so I'll just make some shit up Well you see you have to say two And then what you're hoping is that Would you rather Jake get a point or I get a point

Jake God Well now I know where we stand One of my favorite comics of all time Or my shitty friend. I'm a pretty good friend. I'm a pretty good friend. I'm ready to offer either one of you

a donut right now if you want it. I don't want a fucking donut. I just lost a friend, so I don't think I want a donut. Somebody brought a bunch of donut holes. I'm going to put those in the prize bag because I don't want to throw those at anybody. But I'm going to throw some more at you.

I think we need... I'm just going to say name it then. No, I understand. He's your real friend and you didn't really want me to get a point. So I get it. Okay, I'll say two. You had it. You were back on me. You tried the sympathy thing so I felt like I was allowed to go hard and lobby for my case. So she said two. God damn it. You had it. You were back on me. You tried the sympathy thing, so I felt like

I was allowed to go hard and lobby for my case, so she said two. Amy says two. Jake, you could challenge her, or you could go higher. You could name more. I think we know what I'm going to do, but I just want to say that it's possible that Amy was bluffing, or that she's going to have a lightning bolt. We used to be really good friends, and I know she is bluffing.

I can't lie. I'm going to say name them, and you can say the first one, which you know. Sissy Spacek. And then you can take a wild guess at the other one. I'm looking at these names, and there are some people in this movie. She had a mom. She had a mom. Yeah, I can't remember the mom's name.

Yeah, she's not going to come up with who played the mom She had a friend That was more of a lie than anything I don't know if she did have a friend Christopher Walken Always a solid guess The man has been working in film since around that time But unfortunately, no

So Jake has a point Will you go down some of the around that time, but unfortunately, no. So Jake has a point. Will you go down some of the... That's how it's done. John Travolta. Oh, yeah. This is an obvious one, but then Amy Irving, Nancy Allen, Betty Buckley, PJ Souls, William Catt. And then the only person I don't know who this is is someone named Priscilla

Pointer was in it. I don't know that person. That's a made-up name. That's a joke. I don't know that person. She's one of the Pointer sisters. Oh, okay. Not the Pointer sisters. She's just a Pointer sister. Yeah. I feel like we should have known John Travolta. I feel like we should have known John Travolta.

Yeah, Travolta would have been a good one to know. But you can't know all of John Travolta's movies. You can't. You can't. Richard Gere. Richard Gere. So that means that Sean gets to go first again in this next round, but then it's coming to you next, Jake. You're up next, so you're going to have to play this time.

I played last time. Oh, that's right, you did. I'm kind of a Cinderella story right now tonight. That's how I feel about myself. You're a Cinderella-manda story. Because that's your name tag. You really thought this through. You're like, you manipulated me. I did.

I think we both know you did what you wanted to do. All right, what do we got here, Doug? Sean gets to pick between these three titles. Which one of these do you think you know the most actors from? The Avengers, Iron Man 3, or Thor The Dark World? The Avengers. All right. Sometimes referred to as Marvel's The Avengers.

Sometimes, but not always Not always And you don't have to say them in order that they're in there or any of that No, no, no, the order doesn't matter It's just, you just gotta name the names And Leonard in this case lists 12, 14, 16 18, 19 names

19 names So how many of those do you think you can get, Sean? Say five. Jake's next, right? Yep. All right, we'll say five. He's starting with a strong opening bit of five names, Jake. Do you think you can name more than five people that are in this movie?

And many of them don't share the same last name as you. Stop. Yeah, I knew about her. What are you doing? I knew her. Cleveland Johnson isn't a girl, but okay, keep going. Joe Hanson.

Sorry. You're sort of confusing me a little bit because I'm trying to see if I know. I'm going to have to say name them. All right.

Five names. Don't say yes or no to these names until he's said all five, you guys. Alright. So we'll go Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, and Scarlett Johansson. Did I fuck up on Natalie

Portman? What was that? Why would you say Natalie Portman? I just, I went wrong. What the hell just happened? Jeremy Renner. Jeremy Renner. I went, I went wrong. What the hell just happened? Jeremy Renner, Jeremy Renner. I went, I just was saying names. Jeremy Renner. The glass slipper fits, Doug.

That's right. Jake Johansson is our winner. Oh my God. I was thinking of Thor, and I apologize. I didn't mean to do that. What'd you just throw? Donut. Oh, right in the box.

Right in the box. Ladies, I'll throw it right in the box. This is so weird. How close? Oh, wait. Here, I'll give you another one. You don't need to eat the floor one. There you go.

This is so weird. I want that. Who would throw that and hit Amy in the face? Out of all three of us, that hit Amy right in the face. I feel like I should just... Eat it. I'm not gonna. No, I feel weird doing that. Is Mark Ruffalo in the Avengers? Yeah, I fucked up

on the Avengers. I apologize. Natalie Portman is not in the Avengers. Tom Hiddleston, Stellan Skarsgård, Sam Jackson, Clark Gregg, Colby Smulders, Gwyneth Paltrow, Powers Booth, Jenny Agater Harry Dean Stanton Alexis Denisoff

Jersey Skolominski and then the voices of Paul Bettany and Lou Ferrigno What is he the voice of? Did he do a Hulk thing? He does the voice of Hulk? Just going If you say so Did he do a Hulk thing? He does the voice of Hulk? Just going, errrr. If you say so.

Whatever. All right. Yeah, so Cinderella, Cinderella Amanda, come and get your prizes. Congratulations. Woo! Wow. Does she know who she is? Oh, there she is.

There you go. It's two bags of stuff for you. Do you want your name tag too? And you can take that back too. Congratulations. People really do win. Oh my God. You must be so excited.

Amy, if it makes you feel any better, this is the greatest night of my year. I never thought that I... We don't make acceptance speeches, do we? Sorry. It's great. Thank you. I'm really excited. You're welcome. I didn't think there was any way I could win, but... Is there a shithead on the back of your poster there, Sean?

There is. You want to pass it down? Yep Don't help, Jake I'm busy helping Amy Okay I've committed that one to memory already That one too

Wait, no, maybe not That one right there And what do you got to plug, Sean? There's a thing called Hecklevision at the Hollywood Theatre going on on Saturday on the 12th. And it's for the Full House movie, which will be dope. And also All the Full House Christmas episodes.

The Full House Christmas episodes. That's what it is. And Late Night Action with Alex Falcone and Brie Pruitt at the Mississippi Studios. At the Mississippi Studios. Like a fucking idiot. At Mississippi Studios on the 12th. So do those things, and I have a website,

SeanJordanComedy.com. So have fun and do that. And thank you. You guys are awesome. Amy, what do you got to plug? For you guys, I have a show here December 30th, my talk show,

Stand Up For Yourself with Amy Miller. It's a sensation. It is fun. For the listening public, January 27th, my talk show Stand Up For Yourself with Amy Miller. It's a sensation. It is fun. For the listening public, January 27th, I'll be headlining the Punchline in San Francisco for one night, so come see that. I'll be there. Yeah. It's a great place.

Oh yeah, Sean's on it. He opens for me a lot. Cut the fucking shot. Yeah, I haven't been on TV. I love you. God, we're good friends. Love you so much. Right in the balls, Amy.

Don't forget to bring donuts and throw them at them throughout the show. Not really. Don't do that. They throw you out of that place. Jake, what do you got coming up, buddy? This has been super fun. I have a comedy special that you can get at my website

called Pictures of My Dinner. My website's jakethis.com, and I have a podcast, the Jake This Podcast. And I would also like to plug a guy who you just mentioned who I worked with this week, Alex Falcone. He'd be great. He's got a movie-related podcast, and you should check him out. He's fantastic. He's going to be

fucking flipping out when he hears this. Alex is awesome. That's awesome. Very exciting. I'm going to say a movie, and I want you to just say it back, right? As soon as I say it. Let's do it. Okay.

Crash. Crash. Super good. Hitch. The Crying Game. Crying Game. I'll be doing stand-up in Leaving Las Vegas. Leaving Las Vegas.

Leaving Las Vegas. And San Vegas. Leaving Las Vegas. And San Antonio. I can't think of a San Antonio movie. San Antonio. In January of 2016. January Jones. Douglasmovies.com One more time for all of my guests.

Sean Jordan, Amy Miller, and Jake Johansson. Thank you. And thank you to Helium and to everybody who came out. It's always a great time doing shows here and we'll do it again sometime real soon. And as always, Alistair Crowley is a shithead didn't know that would be

that loud but Jules you can come back and get your name tag after the show and Tom Brady is a shithead.