Doug Loves Movies - Sean Jordan, Jim Tews, Kermet Apio and Bryan Miller guest

Episode Date: November 7, 2016

Live from The Woman's Club of Minneapolis, Doug welcomes Sean Jordan, Jim Tews, Kermet Apio and Bryan Miller to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 azepam or crystals in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Just a thought to ease Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Just remembering past injuries that occurred on this stage. Having a good laugh about it. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is I Love Movies.

Coming to you once again from the Women's Club of Minneapolis in Minneapolis, Minnesota! We did it! The last time I was here, I made you all come inside this beautiful facility on a very hot summer day. And now, this time, it's probably your last nice day of the year.

It's beautiful outside. It's perfect for standing around smoking. And, uh, it's perfect for my needs. You know, wear a light sweater or whatever. Hey, guys, can I get you anything? Like a watch. Like a time piece.

I mean, I started the show 10 minutes late, so I can't really, can't really make fun of you guys. You can't throw a glass in a stone house. Yeah, I said it wrong on purpose it's Saturday November 5th 2016 you know what I call that name tag season where are your name tags at oh boy lots of light up ones

you guys don't trust them to turn up the house lights in this venue. I see there's like at least ten of them light up and blink and jump around. Oh yeah, that's a good idea. Make it darker. Then I'll definitely be able to see the light up ones. Oh, there's a huge Harold and Kumar. What'd you change it to? Dominic and Kumar.

And it's hanging from the balcony, so someone could just go back there and grab it. Good job. So you knew you had a shit balcony seat, and you're like, what am I going to do? What's the biggest poster I could find? Good job, man. Good job to everyone.

So colorful. My guests will get out closer to you. We'll tell them to watch their step. And then my guests, instead of falling into the people in the front row, will go out amongst you and decide. Koyaanisqatsi? And you change it to Koyaanisqatsi. Good for you.

Got some more folks that probably turned their clocks back at the wrong time. That's later tonight. I said, whose dining room did we take all these chairs from? What old people are going to fall to the ground when they sit down this afternoon for soup. I don't care how old I get, I'm always going to make fun of old people.

I'll be like an 80-year-old making jokes about fucking old people. Doug plugs, next Saturday, November 12th, Doug Loves Movies is back in sack. That's right, the Sacramento punchline at 420. The following Saturday is going to be a gas because Doug Loves Movies returns to Helium in Portland, Oregon. And San Diego, my annual night before Thanksgiving show at the American Comedy Company, will sell out. So get on it. Douglovesmovies.com Douglovesmovies.com Yeah, people think

the donut throwing is boring to listen to. Yeah, people think the donut throwing is boring to listen to. I'll show them boring. Thank you to the Acme Comedy Company for promoting this show here today. And congrats on the 25th anniversary. This Monday, they will have been a comedy club, Acme. 25 years of Acme in Minneapolis.

That's what I'm going to call it from now on, Minneapolis. Acme. Minneapolis. No, I won't. 25 years of Acme. I can't believe Wile E. Coyote is still buying their stuff. In other news, someone tweeted me

a week or so ago, maybe four days. Could have been a fortnight. They tweeted me, I don't know if I would schedule an event during deer opener. I'm such a fool ignoring the heavy deer hunter demo that is a fan of me and my work. What the fuck was I thinking?

When I first read that sentence, the words didn't even make sense to me. Deer opener? What, Luke Skywalker needs another place to sleep? Let's open up a deer. So just real quick, how many deer hunters are here by applause? How many deer hunters are here by applause?

And why aren't you out enjoying the opener? You chose this over that? Do you ever listen to this show while deer hunting? I thought I was looking at one guy, but he's the only voice that didn't respond from the darkness. I got a yes, I got a no, and then another person I think said quack. So maybe they're trying to tell me that they listened to it during duck hunting.

Well, I mean, I guess you can listen to a podcast during just about anything. Who here listens to Doug Loews movies while they're making love okay I I was hoping for that to be an example where no one would respond hoping for a no-go on the response oh I promised it via Twitter I won this little fella bullseye in a game of skill at Disney's California Adventure.

It's one of the better stuffed animal things a person could have. You know what I mean? Usually the eyes are just like a fucking glued on thing and if you look at it if you're too high and you just stare at it you're like, that isn't real. He's fun to put on your knee and give a ride.

Like, usually people don't give horsey rides to horses. Oh, no. He fell on his face. Andy must have walked by. Oh shit, Bullseye, Andy's coming. It's finally happened in the prize bag today, the very last Phil Bill Volume 1.

If you want to buy one, you can get it at herosquares.com, but if I never see it again, I'll be so happy. Also, the Ash vs. Evil Dead stuff just keeps coming. A cool book about it. A koozie that says

Shemps on it, because they drink Shemps in the Evil Dead universe and I think there's also an Evil Dead shirt and a Doug Loves Movies shirt and all that comes in this beautiful Ash vs. Evil Dead bag and

you're also going to get what my four guests today brought for the bag. Please welcome to the stage four very funny stand-up comedians. Brian Miller, Kermit Appio, Jim Tews, and Sean Jordan!

Thank you! All right. Nobody wins the Pete Holmes award. And I'm excited to say that Pete Holmes might be, hopefully I get him back on the show now that I think the first season of his HBO show, Crashing, I think they finished shooting it. I think I might be able to get him to participate again. I also forgot that somebody brought something wrapped for me. I think it's, is it paintings?

Person who brought it? Yes. Paintings. Yeah, I was like, I've got some paintings for the prize bag. And I didn't want to encourage him because that sounded like a lot of effort for somebody. And for him and for whoever wins. And then this package arrived and I went, oh, I bet you it's the paintings. It's two small little paintings.

It looks very quaint and fun. Yeah, they're perfectly nice sized paintings. Yeah, I'm into it. Should have thrown that into the, I know the tweet is only 140 characters, but I've got some small paintings. I've been like, oh, small paintings? That sounds alright.

Holy shit, there's three of them. I was going to say that when you pulled it out and you're like, there's two paintings. I'm shit, there's three of them. I was going to say that when you pull it out and you're like, there's two paintings. I'm like, there's three. That's how small they are. I'm looking right at them. Hello, Doug. I love your show. In honor of today's venue, I've enclosed three female state actress paintings from Ex Machina.

Oh, Stranger Things and the Karate Kid. Because I really was starting to go, I think there's only two lady robots in Ex Machina. So the Ex Machina is this one, I think. That's Elisa Vikander, right?

She painted us. And then this one, of course, is Mrs. Doubtfire. From Stranger Things. There's a lady like that in Stranger Things? Oh, it's the girl that... I'm only a couple episodes in, so...

Good to know that she probably lives long enough to be a painting. And... She lives about as long as Mrs. Doubtfire and a former guest on this show Elizabeth Shue from Karate Kid can I have that? can you give that one to me? yeah

nothing weird happens with it. He says, I hope you're able to include these in the prize bag. Well, two out of three isn't bad. But it's signed Planet Giggles. So go to planetgiggles.com. There's like a, what is this, like a sticker on here or something? Can I take it off of there? Nope.

All right, I'll just put this in the prize mix. Whoever wins, let everybody else know about Planet Giggles. This is fantastic. Dot com. 3,664 people on my Twitter account are going to hear about this. All right, let's see who my guests are and what they brought for the bag. We've got three newbies, so let's meet them in the order that they're sitting here next to me.

First up, out of New York City, it's Jim Tews, everybody. Hi. Thanks. It's Tews, right? Yeah, you nailed it. T-E-W-S. Do people screw it up ever? All the time. What do they say? How do they? All the time They call me Tim Jews

Well that sounds like more of a dyslexia thing I think it is I bought TimJews.com And made it redirect to JimTews.com For that specific reason What's bad about that? That's a great idea Thank you

And you're a town in Minneapolis doing some shows at a place? Yeah, at the Comedy Corner Underground. And that's, you got a couple more tonight? I got one more tonight. There's plenty of seats. One big Saturday night show. One big Saturday night 8 o'clock show.

So you can do that and then go do something else. Alright. I'm gonna just go back to my hotel room and just get on planet giggles.com because it sounds like it's a lot of fun. And I feel like I should pour milk into this or something. I'm folding it up like a trick is coming.

I'm folding it up like a trick is coming. You're folding it like you know what you're doing. Bullseye, quick, take this to Woody. Bullseye, am I going to have to talk to you? Am I going to have to take you somewhere privately and talk to you? You shake your head weird. Where'd my piece of paper go? Oh no.

I don't know, Doug. The show's over. You folded it into the head. What if somebody screwed your last name up and called you, like, Tim Stevenson or something? That'd be great. Yeah. I bought that domain name, too. So, try it.

I bought them all. Do you just tell people it's Tuesday? Yeah. Okay. Or, like, the plural number. But it's Jews like Tuesday? Yeah. Okay. Or like the plural number. But it's not spelled that way. It's spelled like Jews with a T. But that just sounds weird.

But like Jews with a T. You got it. And sitting next to our Jewish friend, ladies and gentlemen, it's Brian Miller is here. Often called Myron Biller. I do not own that domain name, but he does.

How's it going, man? Very good, very good. You are a Minneapolis comedy phenom. So you've read my bio that I wrote. Your own bio, yes. No, I call everybody a phenom if they're, you know, a big fish in a smallish water area. You just described my career trajectory. To be that? Wait, I'm overselling you

already? Yeah, that's fine. You're not even a phenom around these parts? I'm phenom trending. Okay. And you're a listener of the Douglas Movies program? Yes, I am. Sure. And how do you think you're going to fare today? We got Sean Jordan sitting next to you. He's a skilled player. You're fucking am, sure. And how do you think you're going to fare today? We've got Sean Jordan sitting next to you.

He's a skilled player. You're fucking dead, dog. I got this, I got this. John Jordan. Dead meat, Playboy. It's good to know your nickname right out of the gate. Yeah, I'm ready. Everybody calls you Playboy?

Excuse me? Which one of us is the Playboy? This me? Which one of us is the Playboy? This is going to be really hard to figure out. I say Playboy a bunch. Yeah, I just kind of say it. That's your thing?

That's one of my things. I pretended it was Brian's nickname is Playboy. Yeah, sure. Don't make me use the safe word, you guys. Because I will

any second now. And only me in the audience know what it is. And also joining us on the other side of that fellow, who I'm going to introduce last, it's Kermit Appio, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, Doug. Kermit, of course, that's, you know, that's an easy one. Yes. But sometimes I hear Appio, that's an easy one. Yes. But sometimes I hear a P-O, and other times A-P-O. It's pronounced Jews. Ah!

We did it! There it is. Happy 25th, Acme. Thank you. Kermit is co-headlining there all weekend long, the 25th anniversary weekend. That's quite an honor. Yes, I'm very excited to be at ACME, and I'm very excited to be here. I enjoy listening to the show as well.

That's awesome. Yeah, you're a Pacific Northwest guy. Yes, yes. And I've known you for years, and I'm excited this finally happened. And next time I'm right near your home I'll call you that'd be great that'd be great a lot easier for both of us well I tell you I love the show and uh I listen to it quite a bit and I and oftentimes I listen to it I think to myself I would really suck at this and uh now I get the chance to prove it in front of total strangers. Yeah, that's...

Thank you. When you don't know the answers listening at home, you know, then you're going to be in real trouble sitting here. Right, exactly. Because plenty of people are cocky at home, and they get here and go... Exactly. But you never know.

You never know with these games because it could things just could fall in your lap you know what I mean I'll be here like if I did a game where every answer was a different Muppet film because of somebody on the panel named Kermit you would probably clean up you'd figure it out

yes it's the Hawaiian surfing category yes I'm here okay yes Castaway Cowboys Yes, it's the Hawaiian surfing category. Yes, I'm here! Okay, yes. Castaway Cowboys, starring James Garner. Wow. Was about a Hawaiian cowboy. Wow.

I have no idea. I've never even heard of Hawaiian movies. Let's introduce him last but not least. It's everybody's playboy. Sean Jordan! Yo! I love this city. I'm just going to get that out of the way, right out of the gate.

I do. I fucking absolutely love this city, and I'm thrilled that we're here all hanging out, and we're going to talk about movies, and I'm happy that everybody's coming. Do you like the twins equally? The twins? Yeah, the twin cities. Do you prefer one city over the other? I prefer Minneapolis, just because all

my good memories are in Minneapolis. When? When? You just blew all that goodwill. I didn't say that I didn't like St. Paul. I love St. Paul. When the Twin Cities were born, was one born a few seconds, like a minute or two before the other one? Did one come first?

I mean, the real Twin Cities are Fargo-Moorhead, right? Lost all the goodwill. There it is. All gone. No, I love them both. It's fantastic. This whole area. Everywhere. The Mall of America. Sean loves the region. Yeah.

Big fan. Real jazzed on this part of Minnesota. If a girl hadn't pooped all over my heart about eight years ago, I would have moved here. But I moved to Portland instead. Did that happen here? No, it happened in, well, she lived here. Lives here. Oh. The hard pooper's here? She's still here? Is the hard pooper

out here tonight? Don't pick her tag. This bottle's gonna be empty, and I'm gonna throw it into the crowd, so hopefully I hit her. I'm not. No, yeah, I was gonna move here. I love this city. I always have. So I moved to Portland and it worked out and everything's great, but this was my first choice.

A lot about movies. Movies right there. I'll be at Helium in Portland on November 19th, two weeks from today. Thanks for being here, Sean. Thanks for having me. Yeah, we're just excited to be part of the, you know, just hanging around Acme on the 25th anniversary. I'm so stoked.

We're going to go by there tonight after this show and have some free foods. I'm not drinking. Goddamn right. I'm not drinking right now, so apologies to everyone who offers to buy me a drink in advance. He'll just slide it over. I'm off booze until November 23rd. Sober oxed November. You just wanted to be able to get hammered on Thanksgiving?

Yeah, I figured I need to get back on the juice. A couple bowls of loudmouth soup? Starting the night before Thanksgiving is a great drinking night. Sure. So that's why I'm going to tear it up again on the 23rd. I'm in. All right.

But since I can quit for a whole month, I'm not an alcoholic. Everybody who says out loud. That's how it works. let's start on that opposite end there with kermit with the question i'd like to ask everybody uh on this show what was the last movie that you saw uh oddly enough it was a movie i knew nothing about i was just flipping around and it was starting so i thought i'd watch it it was uh will smith in a movie called uh seven pounds, which I didn't even know anything about. Tell the truth! Will Smith was in another movie called Concussion where he says, tell the truth.

Oh, okay. I didn't mean to scare you, Kermit. I didn't mean for you to think I was really yelling at you that you're a liar. You fucking liar! What movie did you really say? You're right, it was Finding Dory. I'm sorry, Doug. Yeah, I watched the seven pounds. Seriously, let's focus.

Okay. Stop acting like we're a suicide squad and finish your answer. I'm legend. No, I answered. I'm sorry, I meant I'm a robot. That was the answer. I saw the seven No, I answered. I'm sorry. I meant I-Robot. That was the answer. I saw the seven pounds. How was it?

That was the answer. Because that was probably one of the bigger flops of his career. I wish I'd have known that when I started watching. I didn't know what it was. You stayed in for the whole seven pounds? I stayed in for all seven pounds. And man, that seventh, different from the other six. Did you not like it? No, I did like it. But boy you have to stay until the end

Oh, yeah, you got on a scale of one to seven. How many pounds would you give? Five and a half I include the pancreas it was not bad It's about a germaphobe who works with seven people Every day gives him seven pounds alright, alright seven people, right? Every day he gives them seven pounds. All right. All right. He got there. Don't touch my palm.

All right. I hope the listeners got there because I had to do it for the audience here to laugh at seven pounds. Doug's making a, he's pounding, like you would pound somebody. I'm just trying to help.

Sean, did you see a movie lately? Yeah. I watched Cafe Society the other day. You did? Yeah, it was fantastic. I loved it. Then you went back outside, did some more skateboarding tricks. You have an unusual life.

Not that good of a skater anymore. That's not what people who skateboard do. They don't watch a Woody Allen movie and be like, you know, I'm going to go fucking skateboard a little bit. Well, I mean, you typically skate for a while and then do something else. Like, why couldn't you do those two things in a day? Skate for a while, go straight to the doctor for a while. Did you like Cafe Society?

Yeah. You didn't like it? I just saw clips from it. The crinkle in your brow says that you didn't. I saw clips from it, and they were humor-free, and they were trying to promote it as a comedy. It's more of just a mild... It's just a good, easy-watching movie.

I mean, I like Jesse Eisenberg. Blake Lively's in it. She's fantastic. Did you see The Shallows? Yeah, she wasn't fantastic in that. She wasn't? That was great. I didn't like it that much. It's so quiet in here.

Did you not believe that she didn't want to be eaten by the shark? That's really all she had to convey in that movie. Listen, gentlemen. I just said I didn't like the movie all that much. Tell the truth! No, I did watch it in passing, kind of, like I was on my computer, so that's not the best way to watch a movie.

Okay, now we're getting to the bottom of it. Now we're getting into the shark meat of it. Brian? Yeah? Same question. Same question. Same question. I saw Doctor Strange yesterday. No!

Yeah. Wow. Mr. Doctor? Without giving anything away, because this is super early. I mean, most of me haven't seen this yet. What? Good? Yes. Good as they say? Six out of seven pounds. Oh, okay. What, uh, good? Yes.

Good as they say? Six out of seven pounds. Oh, okay. Heavy. Yeah. Yeah. That's all we need to know, right? We're going to go see it anyway.

It made 30 million just on Friday, which was yesterday alone. It made $30 million just on Friday, which was yesterday alone. By comparison, Hacksaw Ridge made $40.79. From what Mel Gibson says, he's responsible for that. What? You didn't hear the bad news about Mel? The Jews are keeping people away from Mel's new movie, Hacksaw Ridge? That's what he tweets, I guess.

No, I hear he's being cool about that stuff these days. He's really chilled out. He's chilled out. Yeah, he's saving it for unmicrophoned and unarrested times. And if at all, I don't know, but the word is that this movie he made is good. I think he's a good director he's a great director Apocalypto is awesome

yeah Apocalypto is really awesome yeah Hitch was really good you know what's not awesome two hours of watching Jesus check into

Hostel that was a documentary. You sure you don't have a bed other than this fucking cross over here? This is the worst hostel. Jim, what do you got for me? I saw Captain Fantastic on the plane. With Viggo Mortensen.

It was a really good movie. Viggo Mortensen is quite good in it. And yeah, I like that movie a lot. It's directed by the guy who plays the bad guy on Silicon Valley. I know. It's crazy. Yeah. Gary Ross, right?

No. Matt. Matt Ross. Yeah. Gary Ross did Hunger Games 1. I say it like that because then he fucking tapped. It's like, I'm not making more of these. It's my version of the story.

I'd make Seabiscuit 2 before I'd make Hunger Games 2. This is a go nowhere franchise. I'm out. Yeah. Fuck this. No, he said that you weren't giving him enough pre-pro time to make the next one so he didn't want to do it. So somebody else did it.

Anyway. What did you see again? Hunger Games 1. Huh? No. Hex. what did you see again? Hunger Games 1. Huh? No. Hex. Captain Fantastic.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get, I think maybe people out there in the world might have the same feeling, but there's another great movie called Hunt for the Wilder People. Oh, the Taika Waititi? Yeah, yeah. I wanted to see that, too. And, you know, it's extremely different for Captain

Fantastic, but there's something about, like, the posters having, like, kind of, like, people just out in kind of a wooded setting and a name that makes you go, what does that mean, even when you've seen the fucking movie? So it's just like, they're both independent movies that are

both terrific. They're very different. But I like both of those. And I've decided people confuse them with each other. And you don't have to do that. But Sam Neill is very good in the hunt for the wilder people. You know, of course, from Jurassic Park and tons of other things,

but I've never really seen him like this. In the woods? Yeah, just sitting around hunting for wilder people. How many critics do you think, if we went through Rotten Tomatoes, could get through a review of Captain Fantastic without using the word fantastic? Or the words Elton or John. All right, that's an old ass reference, but...

Do you know, did you ever figure out why the movie's called Captain Fantastic? No. I'm not super observant, though, so... I think you have to dig. I think you really have to... Did you figure it out? There was a scene that was cut or something.

Oh, okay. Or, I don't know, because they never utter those words. I watched it on a plane and said it was cut for, like, mature material, so maybe there was a nude scene where the reference clicked. Right, right. That's my guess. Where he just whips out his dong and everyone's like, oh, I love it. And he's like, Captain Fantastic!

Salute. Captain Fantastic salutes you. You can't keep these kids in the woods like this With your dick out like that Spoiler alert, sorry Speaking of having your dicks out I Does one of us have our dick out?

Forgot to ask you guys what you brought for the prize pack I was wondering about that It was the first time I didn't want to say anything. You don't want to be like, hey, where's the part where we... You would have been right. What you do is you poke a hole in the bottom of the prize bag. Jam your dick up in it, and then

somebody goes to get the prize. I like how Bullseye's butt's sticking up out of the bag right now. It's a good look. So let's start on the other end there. Kermit, do you have something for the prize bag? I do. I have a few things. First of all, I have a Rogue Squadron T-shirt.

Oh, yeah. One person clapped. Yeah, it's a Rogue Squadron Rebel Alliance T-shirt worn by Rebel Alliance T-shirt. Worn by Rebel Alliance pilots on Casual Friday, probably. I have some Halloween candy I took from my kids. Whoa. And it's good ones.

I got like Recess and Kit Kats. I didn't go with the candy corn stuff. I stole. It's not really stealing. It's taxation without representation. And then I got, this is really cool. It's one of my favorite sports movies. I got a VHS, a movie called Long Gone. That is a good movie.

William Peterson. You've seen it? And Teller in a speaking role. Speaking Teller from Penn and Teller. He talks in it. I'm so glad. The reason I was giving this away. Yes, the reason I was giving this away is because I wanted to talk to somebody about it. Did you include your phone number

in there so they can call you afterwards? Please chat with me. You can talk to me about it. Virginia Matson's crazy hot at that time. I mean, she's always beautiful, but holy shit, she looks great in that movie. You just made my day, man. I'm so glad you saw this. And then I have my CD, my auto CD.

And I was hoping I could break the rules a little bit. I brought another CD, another one of my CDs that I'd like to give for the person who I choose their name to, because let's face it, they're not going to win a damn thing today. Oh, so you're just going to straight up give them one. I like that. Yeah. So thank you. So one is signed congrats And one is signed my apologies So We'll hang on to one of them

And when you go to pick a name tag Just trade it off There you go That's a good idea And then put everything else in the bag And pass her down Okay Sean, what do you got?

Can I really keep this painting of Elizabeth Shue? You asked if you could have it I said yes. I threw it at you. I don't know what part of the exchange you didn't understand. Making sure. I brought some popcorn. Oh.

I brought a copy of Gone Baby Gone because I wanted to watch it on the plane, and I didn't, but it's really good. It's a drama, if you're wondering. Stickers right on there. You brought a DVD player on the plane? Somebody's going but it's really good it's a drama if you're wondering stickers right on there you brought a DVD player on the plane somebody's gonna win long gone and gone baby gone long gone baby gone it's a builder title some sour patch kids cuz they're the best candy in the planet oh I hope you brought a copy of Patch Adams sour Patch Adams no okay and an AMC gift No? Okay.

And an AMC gift card for like 20 bucks. So, you know. Go see Mr. Fantastic. And that's it. That's my prize bag. So, there it is. Did you bring a copy of See You in St. Louis? Excuse me? See Me in St. Louis? Excuse me?

See Me in St. Louis? I don't know what you're talking about. Because you brought the card from AM See Me in St. Louis. AM Now You See Me. What's the name of that movie, though? See You or See Me? AM Now You See Me, Now You Don't?

Yeah, AM See Me, Now You Don't? Yeah, A.M. Now You See Me, Now You Don't, too. Are we playing Purple Rain Man already? Did we start? Brian? Yeah, I brought a little Minneapolis comedy theme package here. I brought Tommy Ryman's first album, Bathtime with Tommy Ryman. He's a super funny guy.

He's fantastic. Also, I have three of them in my house somehow, so, you know, there's that. Do you guys know who Nate Abshire is? You guys know, yeah? Nate's not gonna like that response. He's a headliner at Acme that I work with and we started at the same time,

and I had this shirt made up a while ago for when I do shows with him. It says, funnier than Nate Abshire, that I wear, just so that everybody remembers. So now with this shirt, you too can be funnier than Nate Abshire. And then also, I don't know if you guys can see this in the front row, but I had this cake made with my headshot on it.

Oh, look at that! Yeah, it's delicate, you know? It's delicate. You're getting dangerously close to the edge of the stage. We know what happens. Did somebody say throw the cake? You lunatic. Watch your back. Oh, put it on display. Watch your back.

Oh, put it on display. I like that. So you can eat it or you can make like a tidy profit by selling it to Nate Abshire so you can hit it with Gallagher's hammer. You can wear the shirt while you do it. Just be sure to, you know, send us a picture

after you've cut a piece out of his face. Yeah. Just don't eat Captain Fantastic, please. Or somewhere fun, you know, do something fun with it. It'd be a fun cake to just throw, like, onto somebody's windshield. Because they'd be seeing cake splatter everywhere, but it's very clearly a guy's face. Well, like, for the listeners, it's not, it's like a photo image cake. I mean, it's not like frosting that looks like you It's it's a real photograph of you on top of the cake

I had a custom-made and I went in to pick it up this afternoon and I said I have a custom cake from Brian Miller And then she grabbed the cake and she looked at it and she looked at me and she goes is this the one? and she looked at me and she goes, is this the one? So now, I think tomorrow I'm going to order another one and then show back up and be like, fuck no, that's not my cake. Mine says, happy birthday, DeAndre. What are you talking about? Yeah, just give me one of those other ones for free.

Since you fucked up my cake, put that guy on it. In her defense, you look a lot like a kid who's having his bar mitzvah this weekend. That is interesting. Why are you wearing a yarmulke in your headshot? Just trying to scoop up all the Jewish parts that... Yeah, just trying to get in the Hacksaw Ridge. Trying to get in Hacksaw Ridge 2. What do you got, Jim?

Well, I feel like a shit stepdad now because... Oh, it's something from the airport? I've been traveling on business and I'm trying to connect

with you guys but I got very little. Well, first, I'll start small. It's a pen that I stole from Kermit's hotel room from Town Place Suites. Here you go. And then... First, I'll start small. It's a pen that I stole from Kermit's hotel room. From Town Place Suites.

Here you go. And then, this is my book. It's called Felines of New York. It's a parody of Humans of New York. And, thank you. I took the pictures and I interviewed cats. And it's signed, so. So hot.

Which cat signed it? What's that? You said it's signed. Which cat? Oh, I did. Just me. Do you ever see any of these cats again? Well, two of them are my cats, so yeah. Get like a little puddle of ink and get your cats to sign.

Because you know how cooperative cats are. They love that kind of thing. Put their hand in something. Here, put all this black ink on your paw, kitty. Yeah. You're going to love it. And then we'll take a bath so you can wash it off. Sound good?

Cat's like, of course. I love water. You could probably get through it right now. It's pretty short. Yeah, it seems like I'm almost done. Yeah. You've really been taking it in. I've always wanted something that people read

on the shitter. Just to have my name, you know. I'm going to read, I just want to read an example for the listeners. Describe the shitter. Just to have my name, you know. I'm going to read, I just want to read an example for the listeners. Describe the cat first. It's a treat for everybody. There's a cat, a black cat named Sasha from the Upper West Side.

I remember Sasha. Sasha says, I've got plenty of toys, sure. But I'd trade them all in in a second for one real bug. And you've got to see how intense the face is. It's a very intense face. Very intense.

Wow. It's the intensity of Bagheera looking after Mowgli. That was fantastic. Thank you, Captain. That'd be funny if I were a pilot right now, I'd get on the speaker and I'd say, I'm your pilot, Captain Fantastic. Enjoy today's in-flight movie.

Captain Johnson. that would be if any pilot was actually funny they would do that that'd be fucking hilarious I took a flight the other day and they were like

JT and Connor that's terrifying what? yeah like that mere captain JT and the other one was like Connor and you're like

nah dog it's sketchy. I need like, you know, some heartbreaker, a war story on a pilot. Yeah. Your pilots today are Taylor and Maxwell.

What? They're kids? They're children? Five and six year olds? All right. This is the part where I have to tell Bert Kreischer to turn the show off because i'm gonna say let the games begin

show us your name tags twin cities lots of great name tags to choose from. You've got to get up close and personal. Do not fall off of this stage. I beg of you. And while you guys do that, we're going to do this. We've got some messages from our friends at Squarespace and Harry's. We'll be right back. Today's episode is brought to you in part by Squarespace.

Our good friends at Squarespace. Whether you need a landing page, a beautiful gallery, a beautiful gallery, a professional blog, or an online store, it's all included with your Squarespace website. It's easy. Creating your website with Squarespace is a simple, intuitive process. You can add and arrange your content and features with the click of a mouse. Squarespace makes adding a domain to your site simple. If you sign up for a year, you'll have a custom domain for free for a year. Design a best-in-class online store with Squarespace's award-winning templates, customizable settings,

and more, all without a single plug-in. From nationally recognized brands to your favorite local shops, Squarespace is trusted by hundreds of thousands of savvy shop owners around the world, including all the tools you need to track inventory, process orders, and send custom emails in one intuitive interface. Squarespace Commerce allows you to understand every aspect of your business. Plus, Squarespace offers 24-7 customer support. Every member of the customer care team

is an experienced Squarespace user working in a Squarespace office. No matter how technical your problem or trivial seeming your question, one of their team is always online to assist you. I like to call them up and say, what kind of ice cream do you like? And they tell me, like chocolate or vanilla,

and I say, thank you, Squarespace customer care team. Start your free trial today at squarespace.com and enter the offer code DOUG, D-O-U-G, to get 10% off your first purchase. Squarespace, set your website apart. Today's episode is also brought to you in part by our friends at Harry's. If you're looking for a comfortable, close shave for an affordable price, you could do no better than Harry's. Big razor companies have the annoying habit of putting out new models and raising their already high prices.

Unlike those guys, Harry's doesn't believe in upcharging, which is why they made their razors even better, and they're keeping prices exactly the same. razors even better and they're keeping prices exactly the same. Harry's 5 blade razors now includes softer flex hinge for more comfortable glide, trimmer blade for hard to reach places, lubricating strip and textured handle for more control when it's wet. Still just two bucks per blade compared to four or more you'll pay at the drugstore. By owning the factory in Germany where they make the blades, Harry's can produce high quality razors themselves and sell them a four or more you'll pay at the drugstore by owning the factory in germany where they make

the blades harry's can produce high quality razors themselves and sell them online for half the price harry's is so confident in the quality of their blades they'll send you their popular free trial set which comes with a razor five blade cartridge and shaving gel free when you sign up for a shave plan just pay shipping plus there's a special offer for fans of this show. Enter the code DOUG at checkout to get a post-shave balm added to your order for free. Go to harrys.com right now and enter the code DOUG at checkout to claim your free trial set and post-shave balm. That's harrys.com. Code D-O-U-G.

We're back. Hey. Great job, everybody. Oh, wow. Wow. Some donuts that didn't get picked ended up on the stage, and I could see that he wrote on it, my wife made these.

Whoa. I won't fall for that trick. It's got to be somebody that's saying my wife that doesn't know I'm about to say my wife. But we'll throw some donuts at the end if we have time.

Wow. So much to unpack here. I want to start with Sean though because I talked about it a little bit in the opening moments of the show. You pick the Dominic and Kumar gigantic poster that was hanging from the balcony. And why did you do that? Because it was hanging from the balcony. Earlier today, Sean was like, if somebody just hangs one from the balcony, I'd pick it. And somebody fucking did it.

But your example of the movie to Hank was Gone Fishing. That was a curious choice. Well, the fishing pole, you know? I get the dangle part. Listen, it's a fishing pole sort of a thing. With the fishing. And like, hey, no, I just wanted something hanging from the top.

And Dominic did it. Me and you were just like Danny Glover and Joe Pesci together it's just it's crazy it's crazy it says Dominic and Kumar go to Doug Loves Movies I'm reading it Donnie

fast jokes high times and neither one of those guys are stoners in real life, FYI. I know, it breaks my heart. It's all right, they seem nice enough. One of them is very helpful on the Enterprise. And then at the bottom, he wrote, in theaters November 5th,

because apparently we are really setting our clocks back tonight. A lot. Right? Isn't it the 12th today? Yeah. Are you serious, dude?

Wait, what is... Are you serious? Is it the 5th today? Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Hey, I still get to vote. This is awesome. Today.

You're all right, Dominic. Don't sweat it. You picked the right day. I apologize. I wasted everybody's time. No, it was fun. I had a really good time. It's November 5th is what I'm saying.

You know what? I wouldn't mind losing the 11, all those days in between now and the 12th for it to just be the 12th now. Just have it all over and sort of decided. And by that,

I just mean Doctor Strange's run at the box office. People want escapism, apparently, because that comic book movie is killing it. by that I just mean Dr. Strange's run at the box office. People want escapism apparently because that comic book movie is killing it. I hear it's good though. Someone sitting here told me that.

Not going to name names. Who are you playing for Kermit? This is great. I am performing at ACMI this week and it's an ACMI shirt t-shirt with things that made it say, in the ACME company of Alexis.

What? Okay. No idea. It's in the company, and as we all know, the word men sounds a lot like the word Alexis. Oh, in the company of men, you changed it to the company of Lexis.

Men Lexis. Did that make sense to you? I didn't know what day it was. It makes a lot of sense to me. I like that the shirt's on a hanger and you have to hold it like that the whole time. I guess I do.

Just let it drop. But your name's Lexus? Yes. Okay. Are you sitting next to your brother, Nexus? Who are you playing for, Brian? I'm playing for Meg A New Hope.

She's portmanteau challenged, so I wanted to help her out with that. Meg A New Hope. But she's wearing a rockin' Princess Leia costume with the hair buns and everything, so she got a little... In the audience? Yeah.

Why'd you wear a costume? It's November 12th. I'm not the only one. Yes! I'm not the only one Yes Where is she? Where are you at? Is your last name Anu? Can you walk down the runway like a fashion show?

Walk down the aisle Look at her go We still didn't get anywhere near us Lock down the aisle. Look at her go. We still didn't get anywhere near us. Which I get. I understand. Yeah, I want to see you, actually. That's all right.

It looks fantastic. That's amazing. That's great. Don't leave yet. What did you go for us on halloween something else this was special just for today wow that's awesome we all look like shit i want to give you i just want to give you Kermit's album. Just for being so special.

What was your favorite thing in the prize bags? The horsey? All right. Meg, is it okay if she has the horsey if Brian wins? Wait, you are Meg. You are Meg. That's her. Meg, you are Meg. You are Meg. That's her. Meg, where are you?

You're our only hope. So what I meant was, let's reverse engineer that. The other three people whose name tags I picked, even if Brian loses, I want to give Meg the horsey for dressing up as Princess Leia. Seems fair.

Might as well give it to you now. It'd be the funniest thing ever if I tore his head clean off right now. Yay, bullseye! All right, so she, did you pick that mostly because of the outfit she was wearing? 95% based on the outfit, yeah. The portmanteau is a little lacking. She glued some candies to the thing, too.

Did you eat any of those yet? Not yet, but I'm working on it. I'm going to go and see Snickers. She might want them back. No, not going to happen. Too bad. This is something else. If you throw a candy in Jabba's mouth,

he doesn't insist on having sex with you. He doesn't insist on it, he just suggests it. Like, how long was she, his slave, dressed up like that? Like, did he just like looking at her or did some shit go down? I know, right? That's terrible. Let's change the subject. Let's move on to this AIDS quilt. Somebody made an AIDS quilt. Somebody made an AIDS quilt For their name tag

I think it's the first AIDS quilt we've had That's a hell of a way for Jim to find out this way I know No, it's a beautiful Not that an AIDS quilt isn't beautiful But this is a beautiful quilt It's got a Doug Loves Movies logo It's got Team Graham, Team Sam,

Team Sam, and Team Sam. So the three of those makes me think maybe he likes Sam better than Graham. Wait, who made this? Lynn. Lynn, okay. Did I get that right? Yes. Yes, okay. Yeah.

It's pretty great. It's got a Leonard Maltin on there. Team Jeff. I felt like it needed to be seen. Let the games begin. Yeah, well, also, like, you know, if there was, like, a sudden storm and the power went out and we were all stuck here,

Lynn would be, like, just sitting pretty. She'd be fun to look sitting pretty. She'd be fun to look at and she'd be warm. ABC D's nuts is on. That is really impressive. It's really warm, too. So you had to take an existing quilt and ruin it? Is that what you did?

No? You made this whole thing? My daughter drew the Your daughter drew the squares? Your daughter drew ABCD's nuts? Yeah, and if she weren't my daughter, I would date her. He was kidding. How old is she? Does she listen to the show?

She's 33. She's 33? All right, all right. I apologize. Well, tell her, tell her I'm glad that she got out of that mine. If she's 33,

it should be easy. She's one of the 33's, she said, right? Yeah. What? What? You haven't seen the movie The 33? No.

Chilean miners trapped in the mine? I know the story. I haven't seen the movie. Did you know it was 33 people? A.B. seen Deez Nuts is what it should be if she's 33. Stop. Stop. Grownups have sex. Tell them how much you love the city again. What?

Tell them how much you love the city again. I love it here. There you go. You're back in. Rhymesayers. Jim, do you often just throw a quilt on the old legs when you're sitting around? Because you really seem to like it.

I have polio, so... We could use Dominic's for a quilt, too. It'd be a shitty one, but we could do it. I wish there were wheels on this. But not really. I'm sorry, that was insensitive. I almost butt-deleted some apps just now.

But the message when I first picked up my phone was it was going delete Vine? Question mark. And I said no. I want to keep it for as long as I can. Is it going to just disappear at some point? Because it still works. I thought it did already. No, it still

works. It's asking me if I want to turn on notifications. I'm like not now. You're finished. You're not a thing anymore, stupid. All right. So. Tell him. Yeah. I can't believe how the time is flying. We got a lot of games to play. So let's get to it. And let's start off with a little something called Jason and Deb's IMDb game. You buzz in with your own name when you think you know which actor or actress. I'm listing the top four things on their IMDb page. Supposedly best known for four things.

If you buzz in early and you're correct, you not only get a point, but you get a bonus point for each additional one you can name. We're playing four rounds, plus I got a tiebreaker. To buzz in, we just say our name, right? Buzz in with your own name.

Does everybody want to practice one? Yeah, Jim might mispronounce his own name so we should practice probably. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Just say your name urgently. Jim. Is that good? That was really good. Thank you.

Brian. Brian! I feel like I need to adopt the urgency to cover for Jim. That's what it's going to sound like in the heat of the moment. I don't think he's going to be that casual. I don't think he's going to be like, Jim. It's going to be Jim! Brian. Sean.

Sean. That is about how excited he gets. Sean. You're a chill guy. Sean. Kermit. Alright, let me tell you, this is the only a chill guy, yeah. Sean. Kermit. All right, let me tell you, this is the only time you're going to hear it. Kermit. Kermit, I think you're going to win the whole goddamn thing.

I think you got it, bud. All right. It's the magic of this city, this amazing city. You're going to win the game because I love Minneapolis so much and St. Paul and Ricky Rubio and Rhymesayers and the Target Center

did you know that did you know did you know that one Twix factory is in St. Paul and the other one is in Minneapolis? Chuck Knoblauch. All right. Oh. Wow.

You're guessing already? No. I haven't even said anything yet. Okay, get ready to buzz in with your own name. What actor, and I don't think I have to tell this crowd, but I'm telling you anyway, just the guys on stage. And if Amy Adams came to a show, she could yell all she wants.

But that's not going to happen. If she did, she'd be on stage. Amy Adams, I want to come to your show. Yeah, sit in the audience. Cool, there'll be tickets for you at Will Call. Yeah. Have a good time. Yell out all you want.

All right. Who's top four begins with, and if you buzz in early and you get it wrong, that's a negative point. So keep that in mind. Don't want to spring that on you. Goodwill hunting.

Jim. Okay, Jim. I tried to warn you about the negative point thing. I'm incredibly sorry, Lynn. Do you want to... Who are you guessing? Robin Williams.

Oh, that's a good guess, though. It's not a terrible guess. He is in Good Will Hunting. Yeah. But that's negative one for you. Shit. I will be the warmest loser. I tell you that. Okay, you're out for now, so just chill.

Chill comfortably. Hang out with that amazing quilt. Have a warm chill. The second film in this person's top four is Princess Mononoke. It's what? Princess Mononoke. Brian. What do you got, Brian?

Mini Driver? That is correct. Wow. A little anime motion picture that when they put in all the English voices, they use pretty famous people generally. And I guess mini-drivers in Princess Mononoke. You get to guess two more mini driver projects. Gross Point Blank? One more.

She was in another one. I don't know. I don't got a fourth. She was currently on Shameless on ABC. I don't know. I only got the one. Okay. Well, that one is correct. Gross Point Blank is, of course, probably the greatest movie she's been in. Grace only got the one. Okay. Well, that one is correct. Gross Point Blank is, of course, probably the greatest movie she's been in.

Grace of My Heart? Too late and no. Damn it. But I was so enthusiastic. You got a double on that one. I was so enthusiastic. The fact that you thought of another Minnie Driver movie is bananas. I know.

There's plenty about a boy. That's right. Tarzan was the one they list. Tarzan. Yeah. Okay. Brian has two.

Sean and Kermit have zero. And Jim has negative one. So Kermit, at least you got that going for you. You could just sit comfortably at zero maybe and still not come in last in this game. I've got a whole number. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's try another one. That was Mini Driver. Let's move on to another one. Whose top four begins with Cabaret? Let's see. That's what you were waiting to hear? That was a clue.

Alright, the second film. That's Entertainment. Brian. What do you got, Brian? Liza Minnelli? That's correct. My gosh. Okay, you get to name two more,

but I'm looking for exact titles. And I must warn you that it's not always movies. Sometimes they throw in some other stuff. TV. They don't throw in books or... A Star is Born?

Ow, what's that movie? She was in some version of a Starsborn? I don't know. She's in musicals. I'm just naming them. Oh, I see. Dude, I'm so happy with the life of my movie partner. This is all gravy now.

Oh, I don't. Yeah, you're not going to get it. No. No, you're right. You got a point. That was pretty impressive. Sure must be nice. Lies.

It's a good thing you have your quilt. Your comfort blanket. Eliza with a Z was a TV special she did. And Eliza live from Radio City Music Hall. Great movie.

Radio Music City Hall. Would have been great for them to throw Arrested Development in there. Yeah. She was quite funny on that. Alright. So, Brian has three, and that's all we need to say.

Watch as Brian runs away with it. Alright, I'll say it. Sean and Kermit have zero. And then there's Jim. I shouldn't have looked at you and said that you were fucking dead earlier. It's clear that that's not happening.

Good old freezing, shivering Jim. Old polio Jim. Here we go. These chairs do beg for a quilt. Oh, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

If you were to have a quilt, you'd be sitting in this chair. I'm surprised they all didn't come with one. Yeah. You should be eating some soup. The chairs, the table, the quilt, the, you know, option to fall badly. It's all very much... A nice bowl of soup and like a Titanic documentary on TV. Same. open like a Titanic documentary on TV. On the same...

Alright, here we go. I'm picturing it. The first movie in this person's top four is The Breakfast Club. God fucking damn it. Yeah. I know what you guys are thinking. There's seven people in The Breakfast Club. And they're all in the breakfast club.

And they're all in the same movies together. How many points does this go to? How many points does this go to? We're going to play four rounds. So this is the third out of four rounds. Oh, here we go. I like a bowl player. You cocky son of a bitch. Make room under that quilt, Jim.

Son of a bitch. Make room under that quilt, Jim. Sean, out of the seven people in the breakfast club, plus the writer-director himself has a cameo. Who do you think it is? Ally Sheedy. Incorrect. What do you do, you know?

Get real cozy, Jim and Sean. Next up, Jay and Silent Bob strike back. Pfft. Oh. Oh, I wish the mics picked that guy up. That was amazing. Oh, yeah. Sounded like somebody just jacked off like a bullfrog

they're gonna need to borrow that blanket for a minute they need to clean up keep your hands on top of that blanket where we can see them aww let's see if we can get a double aww out of this guy or weird lady The third third credit got to go to TV TV credit Suddenly Susan Kermit

Susan Kermit who is it Kermit Judd Nelson that's correct All right. You get one guess for one more Judd Nelson credit for an extra point. St. Elmo's Fire. That is correct. Nicely done. Boom. And now it's a tight race. Can we stay in the 80s? I love this.

Can't make any promises. Fourth round. You know, I'm not going to say take some chances. I got nothing to lose. Probably not good advice. But I can say this to you, Jim. Little giggle box out there. It's virtually impossible

for you to win. When I lose that, it's hard. Like, if you want to guess somebody right now. Yeah. When I lose that, it's hard. Like if you want to guess somebody right now. Yeah. Do it. It might get you there. We've got Minnie Driver, Liza Minnelli,

and one of the stars of St. Elmo's Fire, Judd Nelson. That was so quiet. Am I crazy? It's getting dark in here. It is, okay. Thought I was stroking out a little bit there. Did you smell toast burning?

Panic on anyone's face? Smell burning toast, or is it me? The sun is setting on me. I'm in the autumn of my life. If the lights go completely out, I'm going to assume it's Darth Vader's coming to take Princess Leia. Don't worry, he'll be all right. There's Storm in the place.

Is she still here? You still here, Meg? Yeah. Okay, good. He didn't sound very pumped about it. Like, yeah. Waiting for Vader. Just keep going, you scruffy nerf herder.

Who's top four starts with Little Miss Sunshine? Yeah, there's some folks in that one. Nobody wants to go for it? The next movie, I hear audience whispers,

which are, you don't have to be George Michael to know that those are careless whispers, which are, you don't have to be George Michael to know that those are careless whispers. The second movie is a film that goes by the name Looper. What was the first one? Little Miss Sunshine name Looper. What was the first one? Little Miss Sunshine and Looper.

The third title is Prisoners. Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian. Brian raised his hand and said his name many times. So it is officially Brian who Brian, Brian. Brian raised his hand and said his name. Many times. So it is officially Brian who gets the answer. Paul Dano.

That is correct. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's good. Brian, I don't know you particularly well. Are you a rub it in kindin kind of guy when you win? Well, I did make a cake with my own face on it.

And brought a shirt that I built to spite one person that no one here knows. So, yeah, good. Then you're going to want to play this out. You've got four points, so you absolutely win this game. But would you like to go ahead and guess one Paul Dano? There Will Be Blood. Didn't make the cut.

What the shit? That's the greatest movie in the last 25 years. They went, all right, I need you to leave my stage. Oh! What's better 25 years ago?

What's your second? The Women's Club does not acknowledge films with no women in them. So there will be blood and Apocalypto can go fuck themselves. There might be. There's probably women in Apocalypto, but they all have so much stuff on. So they went with Ruby Sparks. Ruby Sparks over there will be blood?

I know. Isn't it crazy? It makes for a fun game, don't it? Yeah. It's very confusing but you know also uh you could argue that ruby sparks he is the like the lead character he's the second character in there he creates ruby sparks so he's there and he creates her and then she's there and then he uncreate no i'm not gonna say that i don't want to spoil it because there's a lot of people out there just haven't gotten around to Ruby Sparks. That's on the list. Let's go watch Ruby Sparks. I like it, actually. It's good. Prisoners was that crazy Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal

thing. Dennis Villanueva, that guy's awesome. Arrival looks great. He does some cool stuff, and Looper, of course, and Little Miss Sunshine. Little Miss Sunshine, that is the sweetest acting gig a guy could get. A guy, a character who refuses to speak. Every day if I was Steve Carell, I'd just walk right up to him and go,

I know my lines. You know, like at the catering truck. You're getting a breakfast quesadilla. Just fucking start in with him. Let's play the last, the tiebreaker. Because Brian's so good at this. I'm excited. You ready, Brian?

Yeah. Everybody else? Okay, here we go. I think I got it. I think I'm going to really shine on this one. So, so far we got Minnie Driver, Liza Minnelli, St. Elmo's Firestar, Judge Nelson. Why do you keep saying that? Paul Dano.

What's this last one going to be? The first credit is TV, The King of Queens. Come on. Really? Just me? Any of you. Brian, I guess. Lee or Emoni?

No. Shit. Wait, these guys are back in if you just got a minus point. No, we're just playing this one for fun. Nobody else? Here comes the boom. Sean. Kevin James.

Kevin James, yes. Yeah, sorry. It was lackluster. I get it. They were very easy, but I needed that for my day. Apparently, applause can also wait. I was pretty stumped. It was a Kevin to wait joke get it. They were very easy, but I needed that for my day. Apparently applause can also wait. I was pretty stuck. It's a Kevin G. White joke that just didn't land at all.

Sean, what are the two other titles for Kevin James? Paul Blart, Mall Cop. Did you say Paul Blart, Mall Cop? And what's the other one? I did say Paul Blart Mall Cop. Did you say Paul Blart Mall Cop? Paul.

Blart Mall Cop. Donnie. Just twisted my brain into a pretzel, man. I don't know. One more? Kevin James. I know. Movies.

Come on. Can I say one? No. No. We've had enough of you, mister. You can whisper one to me on the sly so nobody can see it. I don't know any other Kevin James movies. Okay, Brian.

I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry? Yes. Oh, shit. Jim? pronounce you Chuck and Larry? Yes. Oh, shit. Jim? That's what I was going to say. Paul Blart? Nobody wants to take a stab at Paul Blart, Mall Cop 2? Yeah.

Too obvious. Couldn't do it. What's the one where all the friends go out on vacation? Grown-ups. Grown-ups and grown-ups too. But they went with Hitch. That's my favorite romantic comedy. I should have got that.

It definitely is my favorite romantic comedy. Alright. No jokes. That's the seven pounds of comedy. Brian wins that game. Congratulations, Brian. Thank you. You know what that means, right? Yes.

What does it mean? I'm awesome? Yes. I guess it means more than one thing. Because it also means you get to go first in our next game. Yes. I guess it means more than one thing. Because it also means you get to go first in our next game. Yes. That's going to be for all the marbles. And it's a little game I like to call Last Man Stanton.

We're going to get the name of an actor or hopefully actress here at the Women's Club of Minneapolis. And we're going to take turns naming movies that that actor or actress has been in. And if you can't think of one, you're out. But you get to use your quilt or your shirt or your candy bars or your white castles as your lifeline one time. One time only. So don't blurt out an answer if you think you don't know. Go ahead and use your lifeline. See what happens. Dominic, you good? Yes.

All right. He wasn't even in the front row of the balcony. He's like in the fifth row of the balcony. He's down to the front to pass that down to you. He's aggressive. He's brilliant. Next time I come back here, everyone's going to have that idea.

People are going to get hurt. Somebody fell off the stage last time. Like we need to be more worried about up here. I just fell down. I didn't fall off. No, not you. I saved myself from falling off. There's another gentleman went off. And where's the dude he landed on? Are you in front row again?

He's right in the same spot. That's crazy. It's like a guy walking around in a rainstorm. Where was it I got hit by that lightning bolt again? Let's go for two. And he made a name tag. Can you hold it up for us? It didn't get picked, but it's very clever.

He used the movie Falling Down. And he changed it to Falling Nick. And there's even a depiction of Jacob falling on the poster. So good job. But these guys decided to go for things that are large or kept them warm. And providing the name for Last Man Standing today is an audience member who goes by the Twitter handle Goodbye Unicorn.

Are you with us, Unicorn? Yeah. That was a deeper voice than I expected from you. Yes, from me. Well, Goodbye Unicorn. This guy apparently has, like, murdered the last unicorn. How shitty would that be to just like, snap off a unicorn's horn and stab him with it?

Like, I'm stabbing you with a part of yourself. Dark. Yeah, I'm trying to, PETA follows me on Twitter. I'm trying to getA follows me on Twitter I'm trying to get lose them trying to say a lot of terrible animal cruelty things alright what are we doing oh unicorn goodbye

unicorn what's your name not your what Owen Wilson. What? Owen Wilson. Now, a couple of things. Don't take that tone of voice with me. No, I just said I'm hoping it's a woman, and you come up with a very beautiful man. But a man nonetheless.

Let me check with my panel. Do you want to do a round of Owen Wilson? It feels like I've done Owen Wilson before, but this guy was confident that that name was going to blow everybody away. I'm down. First he gets rid of the unicorns, then he does this. What is your real name? Alex. Sounded like your last name

was going to go. Alex. All right. Beautiful name. Clean up your room. All right. We'll start with you there, Brian, then we'll go to Sean, Kermit, myself,

and then Jim. I play along. I don't get a lifeline. I also don't get to win. And what do you got? Royal Tenenbaums. Brian, the Royal Tenenbaums. The, not the, Bottle Rocket.

What? Bottle Rocket. You got it. Hey, thanks, guys. Thank you. It's always hard to know. what bottle rocket you got it hey thanks guys thank you it's always hard to know I think they're responding to that

that they like that movie yeah no I know yeah they're not impressed by your saying not at all Valley Fair you know okay

Kermit Zoolander Moose and Sadie's I'm going to go with the Darjeeling Limited it's one of my favorite things that happens in a movie ever I don't love the movie but in Darjeeling Limited there's a part where

Owen Wilson is like looking down river and he goes, what are these assholes doing? Yes. And it's children drowning. And then he and the other guys, he and the other nose brothers

run over and save the children. They save the day. But it is such a weird emotional rollercoaster because I laugh so hard at what are these assholes doing. But then was also like, oh shit, yeah, save them.

Save them good. Jim? Night at the museum okay thank you am I back to zero can we just say I'm back to zero no all you gotta do is win this and the person who made that quilt

is going home with a couple of bags of stuff and a quilt so you'll probably also get some spare change on the way home brian zoolander too yeah well i can go clean the green room now i'm done Ryan. Zoolander 2. Yeah. Well, I can go clean the green room now. I'm done. You're done?

No, Sean's turn. I will be soon. No, you will not be. You got a lifeline. Wedding Crashers. What'd you say? Wedding Crashers. Okay. Nothing's good enough, you know?

Oh. Starsky and Hutch. Fuck yeah, don't you? nothing's good enough, you know? Oh! Starsky and Hutch. Fuck yeah! Oh, nice! Yes, very good. How about the internship? How about it?

Smattering. Is it my turn? Yes. Yes, sir. You, me, and Dupree? Yeah. I don't think we should drag you or me into it. Fuck Dupree. That movie should have been called Fuck Dupree.

Oh, shit. Ready? Yeah. How about Drillbit Taylor? Yes! Are you writing answers on your hand? Yeah, I'm remembering all the shit. I got things to know.

He's got IMDB on his arm. What? You can take notes, right? It's my thing. I've never thought. Well, someone was prepared. Why don't you say another part of the city? Why don't you just look at what he's written down

and steal that from him? I'm trying. I'm writing it in code. I'm so lame. I'm writing it in code. You really know a code for it? Yeah. Wow. It's illegible. I'm writing it in code. I'm so lame. I'm writing it in code. You really know a code for it? Yeah. It's illegible. I'm trying.

Sean. People are dropping shit. The tension in here. It's palal-pal-pal-pal. Do you want to go to your lifeline? Yeah. Alright. Dominic. Let's to your lifeline? Yeah, alright, Dominic.

Let's use your lifeline, he'll help you out. Dominic? Night at the Museum 2... Hang on. What? Night at the Museum 2? Battle for the Smithsonian? You can say a different one that you're totally sure of. Huh? What? Midnight in Paris.

Oh, yeah. Dog, thank you. A night at the museum, colon, midnight in Paris? Night at the museum, one night in Paris. It's a porno. Pornography movie. Midnight in Paris, Doug, is what I'll go with. Okay, Kermit.

All right, it's... Man, I can see it, and I know it, and they go, the thing, and then they... They do. All right, we're gonna... I wanna wait to go to Alexis, because I see this movie, and I can't remember the title. All right, I'll buy myself another round.

Alexis, you got anything? Marley and Me. I'm going to cry. Thank you so much. You got to repeat it. Marley and Me. You're going with Marley and Me? What was that?

You're going with Marley and Me? Yes, yes. I'm sorry, that was Owen Wilson. Oh, no. I'm kidding. You guys are invested in Kermit. That's awesome. Okay.

So I'm going to say The Big Bounce. Ooh. Because I like that movie. It's got Morgan Freeman in it. That was not an impression of him. You got anything, Jim? I think I have to... Throw off the quilt and ask some questions.

I have to stand for my lifeline. Shanghai Noon. Oh, you are... Man. What a delight. Wow. How mad is she at me right now Shanghai noon

well I would like to thank her very much for reminding me of Shanghai nights yeah strategy strategy life aquatic with Steve Zissou oh nice Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Oh, nice. Fuck yeah, bro.

There's people that talk like that. Who's it on? Me. I can't remember the one I'm thinking of. Oh, but you do have one in mind. What was that? You have one in mind. Yeah, but I can't remember the title.

So I will say, a night at the museum, two, colon, they go to the museum. Colon. They go to the museum. Colon. They just didn't get enough the first time. A night at the museum, too. I forgot something at the museum and have to go back. Night at the museum, too. Holy crap, they're talking.

The woolly mammoth exhibit was closed, so they had to go back. I'm afraid you're going to have to be out on that one. But you did a great job. It's okay. It's okay. Great job. It's okay. but you did a great job.

It's okay. It's okay. Great job. It's okay. When my family hears I did two rounds, they're going to be very proud. Trust me. All I can tell you at this point is that my anaconda don't want none

unless it's got buns, hun. You can do side bends or sit-ups. Please don't lose that butt. Jim? Oh, God. I know I pronounced you Chuck and Larry. I'm kidding. Moonrise Kingdom.

No, that's wrong. I passed. I'm dead. I'm done. I can that's wrong. I pass. I'm dead. I'm done. I can't do it. I got nothing. I got nothing. I'm going to go with The Haunting.

Liam Neeson, Lily Taylor. Damn. Who was dead, Sean? Sean? It's all right. It's alright. It's alright. Mallrats? Does that count?

No, I mean, not that. That's not what I was saying. I was making a local reference with Mallrats. I wasn't saying that as the movie. Eden Prairie? It's alright. I think it's alright. Behind Enemy Lines.

Nice! That was going to be my next one! That's the next one! Yes! Cross it off your list. Uh-oh. Alright. In the essence of time, and also because I do not, cannot think of one right now, I'm going to tap. Although I should do.

Oh, whatever. Brian. Didn't we do that first? She said when we said already, but don't say anything yet. We're still playing. I'm going to go with The Minus Man. Oh, okay. What? It's a movie where he played a serial killer. Yeah, I believe you, Sean. I just lost track of time.

We got to wrap it up. It's not happening. He's a voice. You be quiet. You be quiet. Do you have another one, Brian? Yeah. All right.

All right, I'm out. Do you have more than another one? I'm pretty sure he had a voice in Fantastic Mr. Fox probably yeah and then wasn't he also in the Family Stone

yeah he was in the Family Stone no yeah everybody was in Family Stone yeah he should have been there

no that was Owen that was Owen Wilson they were both in there weren't they weren't Owen and Luke both in there I don't think they were both in it

Luke was guaranteed in there because he fucked what's his they were both in it. Luke was guaranteed in there because he fucked what's-his-name's girlfriend in it. Yeah. Cars. Brian's our winner.

Yeah, cars. So Brian wins, so I gave you that horsey prematurely, Meg. Come get everything. You win it all. Come on, Meganew. Are you going to be okay with the cake?

Are you going to be able to handle the cake? Yeah, that is true. Could somebody help her with her, Luke? If you're here, could you help your sister stop making out with her and help her carry the cake? Could somebody help her with her Luke? If you're here, could you help your sister stop making out with her and help her carry the cake? Don't forget the cake. Yeah, I just said that's all I was talking about was the cake.

He was thinking of more Owen Wilson movies. We were gossiping over here. Me and Sean were gossiping a little bit. Kermit, plug some stuff. Kermit Appio playing tonight at the Acme Comedy Club. Yes, tonight I'm at Acme. And then in early January, I've got a couple shows in Hawaii.

I've got a week at the Brad Garrett Comedy Club in Vegas, January 9 through 16. At Kermit Appio on Twitter and Kermit Appio on Facebook. And do you have a shithead on the back of your business? It's right on the front? Who's Alexis? The person I'm playing for. She wants her own name to be the shithead? She's right here.

No, no, no. This is another one. It's confusing. Oh, there you go. Oh, they. Oh, yeah, I need that. Here you go. This is it. Thank you. Oh, there you go. Oh, they couldn't write a shithead on the back of the quilt. Now I understand. Sean, what do you got to plug? Sean Jordan.

Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Jordan comedy.com. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. And December 9th, Portland. Anybody in Portland, I'm headlining a show at the Secret Society, and I'm going to record it for something maybe cool so the more people that show up, the cooler that could be. So, you know, if you guys

all want to go to Portland, it'd be fucking dope. Even though this is, well now I've got to say Portland's the best city in the world because I'm plugging Portland. Man, you just really paint yourself in a corner, don't you? First Avenue, you know. Just say Mighty Ducks. Hey, who wants me to throw a donut into their 7th Street entry?

So harsh. I can't see for shit. Liquid Laughs in Boise. Oh, you still got more? In two weeks. No, I was just doing it. Okay. But yeah, two weeks.

Brian. Yeah, actually, I'm going to be in Liquid Laughs the first week of February. Well, great club. I'm sticking around until February. And I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin at Comedy on State the last week of January. And two weeks from now, I'll be in Bismarck, North Dakota

for two nights at a little theater. Bismarck. All right. Brian Miller. Jim Tooze, what do you got? Look out! I'll be at Comedy Corner Underground at 8 o'clock tonight. And then November 18thth I'm recording an album

with Rooftop Comedy at in Cleveland what club in Cleveland? it's called Coda it's just like a rock venue okay yeah

very cool so come on out quick drive thanks dude great job great job to everybody everybody throw a donut at the audience

if you want wow that was a don't don't hit the sound guy in the back throw a donut at the audience if you want. Wow, that was a... Don't hit the sound guy in the back. Here comes some chocolate. Look out for chocolate.

You shouldn't be wearing wine after Labor Day anyway. I think I hit the wall. Balcony! Balcony! Does that really work? Y, look out Y. Get that Y back up.

Why'd you put away the Y? Is that a flux capacitor? I'll fucking hit that flux. I was like nine feet away. Oh, you're dressed like Marty McFly too, aren't you? Dork thinks he's going to drown. We got three more chocolates, gentlemen. No donut.

Every donut must be thrown. All right. Balcony. There's that phone right there? That's what I meant. It was the phone. Hit that phone. Top, top, top. Oh.

Nice. Violent. One more time for all of my guests. Kermit Appio, Sean Jordan, Brian Miller, Jim Toose. Thank you to all you guys for being here. Always an amazing crowd here at the Women's Club on a beautiful afternoon and thanks again to Acme and as always

yeah go ahead and it's like we're just finishing the weirdest picnic as he folds up the quilt let's go down to the park and put out a quilt and throw food As he folds up the quilt. Let's go down to the park and put out a quilt and throw food. Throw food at people. As always, Alexis is a shithead.

Yeah. She's a masochist. Oh, these two rhyme. Art fair promoters are a shithead. And what rhymes with art fair promoters? Trump voters. Yeah! Are a shithead. Thank you.