Doug Loves Movies - Sean Jordan Vs. Minneapolis

Episode Date: October 23, 2012

Comedian Sean Jordan plays The Leonard Maltin Game against audience members at the Acme Comedy Co. in Minneapolis, MN.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming maybe sticky seeds with 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody, my name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from a hotel room in Minneapolis, Minnesota on Sunday, October 21st, 2 Oceans 12. A mini-app mini-app, if you will. Since last I spoke, you listened. I did a set in Garfunkel and Oates' fourth anniversary show at Largo in L.A. Congrats to Ricky and Kate.

They won't hear this. Friday night, I did a set on Joe Rogan's powerful show at the Pantages Theater in mini-app. Thanks, Joe. He won't hear this either. Yesterday, I did a 420 show at Acme Comedy Co. with Sean Jordan, plus special pop-in guests Tony Kameen and Arj Barker, my fellow marijuana loggers, who happen to be in town doing their own stand-up shows at Acme this weekend.

And I attempted to record the Leonard Maltin game with the audience playing against the aforementioned Sean Jordan, but as happens from time to time, I stopped recording on my iPhone about six minutes in because I pushed the wrong button. But to the rescue, audience member Alex Matthews at AlexMatthews87 recorded the whole thing against club rules and the rules of society

so we have the whole thing for your listening pleasure. Don't record shows without permission. But thanks, Alex! You should know before listening that during the stand-up show, many references were made to the unfortunately named nearby town of Coon Rapids and to local

ads for Menards with the theme, Save Big Money at Menards, which I like to sing and mispronounce as Minards. Save Big Money at Minards. That's right, I'm a full-grown adult man. I promise to try to do a Douglas Movies episode taping in Minneapolis in Two Oceans 13 and Douglas Movies tapings will happen very soon in San Francisco on Halloween and in Vancouver in November. Go to

DouglasMovies.com for more info and enjoy Sean Jordan vs. Mini-App after the fart. Does anyone hunger for games? Sean Jordan,

skateboarding phenom from Portland, Oregon, is on the stage. A lot of amazing name tags here at Acme Comedy in Minneapolis slash St. Paul. How does the scene work? Are you guys assigned seats? Is it like first come, first serve? Or what is it?

What? Really? Yeah, yeah. Just ask them. Yeah, that's why all the name tags are up front, dude. I'm going to pick a case, Jam. You got picked on. Pick me in the bag! You have to put the guy in the shirt that says legalize gay marijuana. Because that is, you know, that's the best kind of marijuana.

Take a seat. No, you're good. I don't know. What do you want? That's awesome that he has a seat. I like it. I want a seat, no. Yeah, yeah.

But make sure you share the microphone with him, Sean. And, uh, no? Yeah, you don't. All right. See, I told you the guy was curious. He was grabbing at that thing like, I might want to give it a try. But just for the listeners, let's establish.

Our friend in the audience, whose name is Jace, and he made a Jace Jam poster instead of Space Jam. And I told him that he should spray Jace, and he made a Jace Jam poster instead of Space Jam. And I told him that he should spray Jace Jam all over a willing partner. It could be a man, a woman, or it could be Tweety Bird.

Something with a heartbeat. Get ready for a bird bath filled with Jace Jam. Tweet. He did! He did fill a birdbath with Jace Jam! It is. Comedy 101, dude. Take a bite. That's what time it is right there. Enjoy it. Golf it 101, dude. Take a bite. That's what time it is right there. Enjoy it.

Gulp it down, dude. Too much? That was it? That was the line, John? I've been listening. All right, let's see what's in the prize bag before we proceed with the competition part. There's some good stuff in here.

My friends Garfunkel and Oates contributed a... This is a bag that says Garfunkel and Oates contributed a Garfunkel, this is a bag that says Garfunkel and Oates presents but it's presents. It's like presents for you from Garfunkel and Oates. There's like a kazoo in here and some candy and some stickers and they have stickers that say

I heart I love Garfunkel and Oates. It's funny, I said it wrong. Oh, it's I love heart Garfunkel and Okel notes. It's funny, I said it wrong. Oh, it's I love Hart, Garfunkel notes. So that's fun. And then... So I proceed to drop it off the stage. A guy made this shirt for me, and he gave it to me,

and I really appreciated it, and I can't forget... I can't remember. I can't remember. Yeah, I can't forget or remember. But it's... I don't even get it. It says Doug Benson on it, and there's a picture of something that's digging.

So I get that, Doug. And then Benjamin Franklin. Oh, I guess Ben. It would be Ben Franklin. And then a son. Now that I figured it out, I'm going to keep it. Thank you. and a son. Now that I've figured it out, I'm going to keep it. All right, talk me through this shirt,

you guys. It's a picture of some guy with a heart and a camera. What is that supposed to mean? Doug loves heart movies. Yeah, Doug loves cameras. So I'm including that shirt.

And then also, this is kind of cool. I got sent from the company that made the movie a couple of Blu-rays of... I just included one in the bag. I'm going to keep one. What am I, crazy? I don't even know what it is anymore. Of a documentary about Bob Marley called Marley.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's cool. That's a good prize. This is a good prize bag. of a documentary about Bob Marley called Marley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. That's a good prize. This is a good prize bag. Doug Benson's Smug Life is in there. It was a good prize bag. Yeah, I ruined it with that.

Oh, a copy of LYAO by Orange Barker. Orange Barker's CD that he doesn't even know I have. I took it from him. He wasn't looking. Oh, this is cool. Are you guys Death Squad fans? A Death Squad sticker? They're personally numbered by Red Band. This is number 615. That's really precious.

We were speaking of precious earlier. And then from my buddy's Greg Barron. Greg Barron has a band, and he has a podcast called Walking the Road, and this is just a rag, I guess. But it's got his band's logo on it,

The Raining Monarch, so it's kind of cool. And I think there's something else in here. A lot of stuff in the bag. Oh, this is just random. This is like a bottle opener. It says Shiner Beer on it, but it's also like a dog tag, right? Yeah, I think so. I don't know, but it's a bottle opener.

It's the perfect thing to wear when going through airborne security, is what I'm trying to say. This is the one on my flip-flop, like, at home, so like that. On his phone, yes. So he needs it, basically. Jason needs that. See this guy? He's talking and he doesn't have a mic in needs that. See this part where he's talking and he doesn't have a mic in his mouth? See what I'm saying? No, no, no.

I was still in shock before the show. None of the comics that I have on know to hold the mic so that the guest, the person from the audience can talk when they're talking, because we want the listeners to hear him, too. You know? Jace, do you have anything to say about that?

No, I'm good. See? You need to let him finish! He said, I'm good for now, not I'm good. I'm sorry, I'm trying. Get better at it, immediately. Get good at this shit, fast. Courage under fire. Alright, you're doing great.

This is going to be fun. Sean's a good player, so good luck to Jace. Also, when you win, if you win, all the prizes are now on the floor. You can pick them all up. All strewn about. It's a total mess.

And since it's sort of silver October, if a club, if the great Acme Comedy Club could please bring me another pint-sized kettle of wine and soda,

I'd appreciate it. Because we're going to be here for a while. Right. Probably about eight more minutes. We're going to be honest about it. Okay, here we go.

Leonard Walton game. You get to pick a category, Jace. Would you like to play? And for those of you who aren't familiar with this, the competition's just between Jace and Sean, so please don't yell out if you think you know the answer. Sometimes it's hard to resist. I know the feeling.

When you know something no one else in the room knows, it's fun to yell it out. Really super loud. Giraffes are the only animal born with horns. You said that calmly and quietly? I'm the only one that knew that. Everybody knows that. Oh, thank you so much.

That's how fast the drink came, everybody. That's what it takes to be comedy, Todd. I was fucking wrong. This time I got two straws, so I'm going to need another one quicker. Okay, would you like to play the category taken which is movies where someone loses their virginity saw 4 is another category

saw 4 that's movies that I've seen more than four times. And Rob Bayer suggested on Twitter, B-A-I-E-R, Rob Bayer suggested Ice Ice Baby. And that's movies with Ice-T, Ice Cube, or Jennifer Grey. That's awesome. That was the one I was talking about earlier. That's an awesome idea, whoever that dude is on Twitter. He's awesome. That was the one I was talking about earlier. That's a fucking awesome idea, whoever that dude is on Twitter. He's hilarious.

Good work, Rob. Which one of those would you like? Let's go with Saw IV. Saw IV. Doug has seen it four times. I know you guys both know who I am and what I like. There's two movies here that I've seen more than four times. You get to pick a year. Would you like 1977 or 2010? 2010. That's more recently. So strategically, that might be smart.

That might be smart. Two stars for The Great Leonard Maltin for this movie that I've seen more than four times from 2010. He says about this movie that it has likable actors, and he also says that the novelty of this particular motion picture wears off before the movie is over. Of course I disagree with that. I'm going to see it three more times, just in case I'm wrong. And I've seen it a lot of times.

And Leonard lists about six, nine, eleven, fourteen names. How many names do you think you get it in? I'll go ten names. Jace Jam. Look at me. Look at me in the eyes. Look at me in my bloodshot eyes. Ten names? I'm going to say nine names, dude. What's up? Name that movie. All right, Jace, you were a great player.

Thank you for bringing that complicated sign that you made. And the nine names, Sean, are Ellen Wong, Mae Whitman, Mark Webber, Johnny Simmons, Jason Schwartzman, Brendan Routh, Aubrey Plaza, Alison Pill, Brie Larson. I think that's all of them. Scott Pilgrim versus the world. That's right. Scott Pilgrim versus the world. With six days zero, I didn't want to be an asshole, though. That's one of my most favorites ever.

And the other one from 1977 was, of course, Star Wars, which I saw more times than be an asshole though. It's one of my most favorites ever, and the other one from 1977 was of course Star Wars, which I saw more times than I can even say. And thank you so much for trying, Jason. Yeah buddy! Or just Jace, I'm sorry. Because Jason, he wouldn't have brought a Jace Jam poster, he would have brought a Friday the 13th poster. Oh wow, the dig tags are back up. Everybody knows the drill.

Everyone's like, oh poor Jace, fucking pick me! I remember standing up right there with that white sign. I couldn't see it, but we were going back. There was a girl, right? We were going back. Alright, cool. So you're picking that white sign? That's all you know that it is? That it's white? Well, I just wanted to... Oh, look at that. It's got... It looks tasty is what it looks.

What? Her name is Brittany? The Britallian Job. And it says The Britallian Job, and she brought a little pizza. Can we try some? Yeah. I got it at 2.30, so... Oh, yeah, it's nice and cold.

That's super fresh. Super cold, but I like to have a little triangle of pizza every once in a while. Now, Bree, say yeah again without the mic, because it doesn't sound like you need it. No, I don't need it. I picked the perfect person. Food and loud. You're terrible at this. Yes.

Are you going to ask her to marry you? I was thinking about it. She's a shit-talking... What were you just trying to lick up her skirt? I didn't even think of that. I should have been... No, I was going to ask her to marry me, but now I'm just going to beat her ass in this game instead. Do you want to try some pie?

I don't know. Is it good? I love it. It's cold and it's pizza. What else do you need? I'll get the pizza. It's got pepperoni on it. I love it. Thank you.

Thank you, Britt. Thank you. Can I call you Britt? Is that cool? Okay. You get to pick a category, Britt. I've got to finish chewing. All right. Sarah Silverman. You get to pick category, Britt. I gotta finish two. Alright.

Sarah Silverman got smoothies that have a female robot in them. Local phenom on Twitter, at The Dez, there he is, he suggested Crankin' Weenie. That's movies where someone is caught masturbating.

And then another favorite this month in October, Paranormal Blacktivity. That's movies that have a black ghost in them. African American ghost. A ghost from Coon Rapids. It's the name of a real place. We were talking about it earlier. The first one, good.

Let's get away from that. I don't know how it went after that so many times. I just, in fact, there's a place named Coon Rapids I cannot get over. I grew up around here. I'm aware of the clientele. It's crazy. I don't remember. Oh, Sarah Silverman, a female robot.

Let's do female robot. Okay, good call. Boo. Boo from a female robot in the audience. Enough! We've had enough! Oil can! She's from Silver Rapids, right? You saw where I was going.

Yeah, racism in the future. Future racism is going to be all... I need your pizza. I've got to be quiet. I'm going to eat most of that as soon as we're done. Yeah. What are you referring to?

That's weird. That's weird, like, imagine that in a bar. He says to her, imagine they were at Koozie's last night. I said that to you a bunch of times. Or the Loop, or the Loop. And he says, I'm going to eat most of that later tonight. That's weird enough, that's pretty aggressive. I'm going to eat most of that. I'm gonna eat most of that later tonight. That's weird enough. That's pretty aggressive. I'm gonna eat most of that tonight.

But then for her to go, me-ow! Like what is that even... Are you in the same bar? It's called game, alright? Let's just talk to the women. Again, we're getting married before we do this. I don't blame you on her case. She's hard to keep up with. You don't know when she's going to talk, so...

It's going to get just... It's going to get just... There's her fiancé or gay best friend. That's Chad. Oh, hey, Chad. Hey, Chad. What's up, playboy? All right, let's just leave him dangling.

Stupid Chad joke. You must have... You must have hated that whole Chad thing when it happened. Chad to be you. Oh! But he wasn't a girl, so he... Yeah. Sean knows what he's doing.

No, I don't want to sound like an asshole. No, I just saw... Well, whatever. I need to explain myself. Eat the rest of him, too, later. I'll start what I finish, so I will. Eat them both, yeah. Clean your plate.

All right, this Silverman... We've got to wrap this up. Silverman movie from 1987. It's a robot that's female. In the year, like I said, and I'll say it again, I'm trying to focus on it, I think 87.

Two and a half stars from Leonard. He says about this movie that it is likably silly, and he also says that it's surprisingly innocuous. I don't know what that means. Does that mean you won't get the flu after school?

You won't get chicken pots? And there are 14 names. How many names do you think you can get it in? Twelve. Good opening bit, Brad. I just spilled vodka all over myself. On my reigning monarch's t-shirt.

Ten names. Is that what you said? What did you say, twelve? Yeah, this is exciting. Nine. Eight. Do it. Name that movie.

Again. She becomes more interesting by the moment. Eight? Do it. Name that movie. Fuck! Again? She becomes more interesting by the moment. You'll get to know her over the years as our marriage develops. Those are going to be old cronies. I just hope she's in a lot of situations in her life where she goes to the bank. I'd like to deposit this. Brittany's coming. What have I done? You really didn't realize

that eight is a lot of names. I want to give her a chance to take that back. Yeah, I do too, because I think I know it. Yeah. Do you want to take it back? Yeah, yeah, I'll take it back.

Do you want to say seven names? Yeah, I want to say seven names. She says seven names. Name it. Name it. Name it. Just so everyone on the podcast knows, she just pushed me, and I apologize for it off mic. Since it was such a vicious push, I'd like an on-mic apology. I'm sorry I pushed you.

Doug's packing up the yard sale. I'm putting everything back in the bag. No, I think you're going to be all right. I think you're going to win. I think you're going to win. All right, here we go. Your seven names? I think I have nine names.

People have tried that before. And I don't fall for it because I've got all these witnesses that will set me straight if I do. Nine names. Nine names. Nine names. And this is out of 14. Seven names. I tell you, the audience goes, nine names.

I'm like, the audience is over-trying. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it was a good try it. No, no, thank you. Yeah, it was a good try. Alright, here's your ten names. I'm gonna give you seven names, seven names only, but I think you're gonna get it. I have faith in you. Oh, don't. It's from 1987. When were you born?

86. Alright, so this movie was really popular when you were one. One, yeah. I was really in a robot. Alright, and the seven names are... Ronnie Graham John Hurt Lorene Yarnell Michael Winslow That's it. That's a puzzled look.

Just so everybody who's not here knows that's a very puzzled look on her face, and it shouldn't be. Yeah, any idea? Just think of a movie that had a female robot in it. When you were one. Just think of a movie that had a female robot in it. When you were one. And keep in mind, there's something the audience said about it, but I don't think she heard it, because she's weirdly standing with her fingers in her ear.

Is that how you figure shit out? She's got a thing in her ear to find out the information. Jump on the internet and figure it out. Anything? Got any guess? No, I got... Because you win either way. Somebody just yelled out, this is pretty funny. The local humor is overflowing today.

Because somebody yelled out... Britney loses, but somebody yelled out Space Menards. Because the answer is Space Paws. Save big money at Space Paws. Space Paws. Joan Rivers was the voice and

Laureen Yarnell was the robot. Absolutely. But I call you the winner anyway Joan Rivers was the voice and Lorraine Yarnell was the robot. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. But I'm calling you the winner anyway because you're such a good guest and because I like what people do. And so congratulations to you. Let me give you the prize bag.

Yay! Yay! Very tepid applause. People are not happy for you. You might want to run from the facility. Some people went to a lot of trouble. A guy went to a lot of trouble. Very tepid applause. People are not happy for you. You might want to run from the facility.

Some people went to a lot of trouble. A guy brought a poster that already had his name on it. She looked at the pizza like she was going to get it back, and I got a white knuckle grip on it. How much of it is left? Well, that's a good amount. I thought we were going to go eat, though. All right, well.

Do you want it back, pizza girl? Thanks, Bill. Brittany? No, no, no, thank you. Okay, thank you. Brittany Jordan. Sean Jordan, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I'm sorry I had to call that one, because, you know, we can't go all night, unfortunately.

My friends, Tony Comedian and Arch Barker, have two shows here tonight, and thanks as usual to the Acme Comedy Company Club. It's American Comedy Club in San Diego.

No, it's American Comedy Company in San Diego, is where I'm playing in a few weeks. And then, but this is Acme Comedy Co. It's co-awesome. I used to throw the word club in, and I shouldn't. I'm going to call it the Acme Comedy Company Club. Cover all my bases. But thank you guys so much for coming out.

I really appreciate it And as always Coon Rapids is a shame Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies.