Doug Loves Movies - Simon Rex, Ben Bailey, Eddie Pepitone, and Jordan Rubin Guest

Episode Date: March 3, 2015

Doug welcomes Simon Rex, Ben Bailey, Eddie Pepitone, and Jordan Rubin to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50-ezen popcorn curdled in his teeth. There's still not more that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies! This is Doug Lo of Movies. Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles in the year 2015 on Tuesday, March, three men and a baby. Leonard Nimoy, rest in peace.

Since last I spoke and you listened, I went on the 311 Cruise Best Four Days of My Life. My life! The latest round of the Douglas Movies Tournament of Championships is available for two bucks now in the comedy album section of iTunes and, of course, at DouglasMovies.com, where you can also find my tour dates, where I'm coming to places like Charlotte, Tacoma, Portland,

Oregon, sorry Maine, Athens, Atlanta, Nashville, Houston, San Francisco, Denver. I tour a lot. Friday night here in Los Angeles. I'll be home on a Friday night, which is rare. I'm going to be interrupting breakfast at Tiffany's as part of the Wayne Fetterman International Film Festival at Cinefamily.

And if you're attending South by Southwest in Austin, Texas this year, I'll be doing two Douglas movies, one during film and one during music. So pack your name tags. Don't just bring your South by Southwest badges.

We don't want your stinging badges. We want some real name tags. And as you can see, I've got four guests on the show tonight. So let's get them out here. Please give a big, warm welcome to Simon Rex, Jordan Rubin, Eddie Pepitone, and Ben Bailey. The last thing I said was, pay attention for when I introduce you guys.

Yeah, have a seat somewhere, Ben. No reason to play it slow. Where's the other three guys? What? What's going on? Ben, are you not saying anything because you don't want to win the Pete Holmes Award? Alright, well, you've just won the Zach Galifianakis Award.

No, I want Pete Holmes. I want Pete Holmes. Which is a person who refuses to speak when spoken to. But he's here, Ben Bailey, you guys. Drove his cash cab all the way across the country to be with us tonight. A lot of red light challenges. Or as I like to call them, stop light challenges. Yeah, that's right. And what are you doing out in L.A., buddy?

Stop light challenge! I did a show at the Improv Saturday night. They're headlining like everyone who could ever possibly headline. So I did a headlining show. You took a crack at it? On Saturday night. It was good. I got a couple of meetings.

I'm playing some golf. Yeah. You have to come all the way out here for AA meetings? That seems weird. Got some meetings lined up. You know what that second A stands for, right, Doug? Oh, that's right. No, you're not...

You're... You know, we've talked about it before on the show. Well, you're drinking somebody else's beer. I hope that A doesn't stand for AIDS. That's the first A. All right, I'll say it. That was Jordan Rubin with the AIDS humor. He has a motion picture that you could see i believe on march 20th it comes out march 20th

but you could also come downtown and see the premiere at the ace hotel on the 18th that's open to the public that's open to the public yeah and in the motion picture is called zombie verse zombie verse yeah because it's about beavers who are zombies. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty much it. Yeah. That's what it says on the tin. And also joining us today at Jordan's suggestion, in my delight, is Simon Rex, everybody. Thank you very much for having me. Star of my favorite of the scary movie movies.

Which one? Do you want to guess which one? Yeah, which one? I think it was part three, right? Yeah, you got it. Also five. That's right. Well, he's in more than one of them,

but I said he's in my favorite one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Now you're trying to guess which one is your own favorite. And Jordan's going to tell you if you're right or not. But the third one was the first one

where David Zucker airplane hadplane, Naked Gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is a really funny movie. And you're great in it. Oh, I appreciate that. Jordan came to set. Didn't you fly for that one? I did.

That was the first time I met David Zucker because I flew up just to meet him. Like a complete movie. I grew up watching Airplane, Naked Gun. So for me, that was pretty awesome to get to work with Leslie Nielsen. Yeah, that was pretty rad. Pretty rad. You and Anna Faris and that kid wereielsen. Yeah, that was pretty rad. Pretty rad.

You and Anna Faris and that kid were all hilarious. So funny. Yeah. Yeah, it was really good. Thank you. And then you weren't in four? I was in four. I died in four.

And then somehow miraculously came back in five. Hollywood. Because they needed you. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's great. And then you did some music for John Beavers? Oh, yeah. I did a couple songs for Jordan.

He actually said to me, can you make me the worst song ever? So I said, just pick any of my music that's out there already. Not true. He has good music. No, he said, can you make me this horrible song? So I did that. And then I have a real song, too, that's not as horrible. He has a legit song, but then he has a comedy one.

Yeah, I found those in my Uber on the way here. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, so I got a couple songs in Jordan's movie, Zombievers, since he wouldn't put me in as an actor. Too old. Yeah, too old. Well, this is what I was talking to Jordan about doing this show, Jordan being on the show.

We were excited to promote Zombievers and he was suggesting other people that were in it, and then at one point he suggested you, so I just assumed that you were in it. I was like, oh, that sounds great. Let's have him come down. You guys will talk about Zombievers. I still haven't seen it. Well, I told you a few different people, and you said

any of those guys would be cool, so I was like, oh, because I was trying to, you know, make sure you were happy. Yeah, well, let's talk about who's in the movie. The star of the movie is the young lady from Dumb and Dumber 2. Rachel Melvin. Yeah, she's been on Doug Loves Movies. Yes, let's talk about who's in the movie. The star of the movie is the young lady from Dumb and Dumber 2. Rachel Melvin. Yeah, she's been on Doug Lo's movies.

Yes, she's great. Yeah, and what else is going on in there? It's a bunch of young up-and-coming kids and... You sound so old when you say that.

What? And John Mayer. Well, I said it ironically or sarcastic. And John Mayer and Bill Burr. Yeah, they have a... They play the chemical

truck drivers that cause the zombie apocalypse. Don't give it away. John Mayer and Bill Burr. Yeah, they play the chemical truck drivers that cause the zombie apocalypse. Don't give it away. John Mayer and Bill Burr end the world. Yeah, basically, yeah. Should have seen that coming. Yeah.

And finally, sitting there so patiently, it doesn't seem like your style to be so patient, Eddie Pepitone is here, everybody. Hi, everybody. Hi, kids. Hi, everybody.

You all look really good. What's your documentary called? Something about Buddha? The documentary about me is called The Bitter Buddha. The Bitter Buddha. And my Netflix special is called In Ruins. Where I attack the country.

Just the whole fucking country. You take on the whole country. Yeah. Just the oligarchs who run it. The pieces of shit who own it. And I make it very funny. Absurdly funny. I think everybody who's seen who own it. And I make it very funny. Absurdly funny. You know.

I think everybody who's seen it does it. Anyway, let's talk about movies. I love movies. Have you been to the movies lately? What was the last movie you saw? It doesn't have to be in a theater. Just what was the last movie that crossed your eyeballs? Ah, last movie that crossed my eyeballs. Fuck.

While you're thinking about it, I'm going to remind everybody that you're the star of old school. The star, yes. That's what I say about that movie. Come for Will Ferrell, stay for Eddie Pepp. I can't fucking think. What did I just see? I saw this is going to be, this is funny.

I saw Paddington Bear. Okay, the film was just called Paddington. Oh, sorry. But to me, it's Paddington Bear. And it's got like 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. It's fucking good. And I say that as a cynical, rageful person. Paddington could turn even the most cynical of people.

Nicole Kidman has fun in there as the villain? Yeah, yeah. She was okay. I just focus in on the work done on her face. Do you know what I mean? I just see that stuff. At least in Paddington, she could have had that work done. In Hemingway and Gilmore,

that work didn't exist yet. It happened to her character. Right? Yes, yes. It's weird. You and I are the only people that feel that way. Everyone else is like, Hemingway and who? It was an HBO movie.

It was very good. Clive Owen, right? Big fan. So what did you like about Paddington? It was funny. He falls down a lot? I love, you know, I was a big fan of slapstick. You know, I love when Keaton falls.

And then from Keaton to Paddington has been a long lineage. You know? Michael Keaton? I think I... Oh, I'm sorry. Diane Keaton. Diane Keaton. She's great in those commercials.

Oh, right? Diane Keaton. When she comes in those commercials. Oh, right. When she comes out. What a campaign that is. Yeah. For something. Yeah. I just love when... Turtleneck sweaters, I think,

is what she's doing a campaign for. I love when big actors do that kind of stuff. It's just really... It's great for their credibility, I think. Like, I'm a big movie star. Like, Matthew McConaughey right now doing car commercials. Love it. Love it.

Are you saying you think he shouldn't have done that? I think he thought those were just going to air in Japan or something. I think that's it. Because they all do them over there. Yeah. But have you been to the movies, Ben? I have not been to the movies, but I watched.

What did you watch on the plane flying out here? I didn't watch anything. I slept, but I watched. Good for you. What were your dreams?

Can you ask that? Like, what have you seen? Yeah, were there any movie stars in your dream? I dreamt that

none of this actually happened. Before it actually happened. Yeah, before it actually did. I watched St. Vincent is the most actually did. I watched St. Vincent.

It's the most recent film that I've seen. You got that like on demand or something? Yours is about a bear, a cartoon bear. Yours is about some lady singer with a weird haircut. I guess you haven't seen St. Vincent. I don't think things should be named the same thing like once St. Vincent

was a person that's popular there shouldn't be a St. Vincent movie and also St. Vincent's not a great name for that movie anyway I think it's kind of

I'd call it Mowing Dirt Mowing Dirt is a good title right yeah it actually is it's very good

I thought it was a great movie. Bill Murray's great. Bill Murray's great. What are you going to do? The end credits is like seven minutes of him just hosing things down. Yeah. Yeah, and it's so fucking interesting anyway.

You watch the whole thing, yeah. That you watch the whole thing without reading a single credit. Yeah. Because you're like, oh, look, there he is. Yeah. Sitting in his fucking backyard. Hanging out during the credits. Yeah, doing like nothing

but you can't stop fucking watching the guy it's amazing he's just like watering the cement it's weird I thought it was very good has there ever been a thing

on this podcast where you address Doug about movies where they say the title in the movie like I have to register you as a lethal weapon I love when that happens

I encourage people, I think I learned this from Penn Jillette a long time ago in an article about him. I think you should applaud every time they say the movie in the title. In the theater as loud as possible. If you're there with a bunch of friends. It's funny to just everybody,

oh, they must say Paddington. They said it all the time. They overdid that. It's just like, whenever somebody says the words, my wife, like say my wife. My wife.

My wife, that's what I do. Right. And when I saw Gone Girl, nobody wanted to sit near me. Right. Yeah. Why? It got intense.

Because he says, my wife a lot. Why? It got intense. Because he says, my wife a lot. Yeah, he's constantly reminding everybody, I love my wife. My wife! And did you do it every time?

Every single time? I didn't do it once. I am a comedian. I'm not an asshole. I'm not an asshole. I'm not an asshole No but as soon as I Somebody tweeted me As soon as Gone Girl opened Somebody was like

You know I do that My wife thing that you do But it didn't work out so good When I saw Gone Girl So I stole that joke From that guy Thanks that guy From four months ago

Jordan Yes What have you seen? Well I've been making the podcast rounds. Don't take it personally. Are you falling asleep on the mic? A little bit. And so I did that Paul Scheer podcast,

and I watched the movie. How did this get made? Yeah, how did this get made? And I think I blocked out the movie name, even though it was a week ago. It was a Josh Duhamel Julianne Hough movie. What? Oh, oh, oh. Safe Harbor. Safe Haven. Haven.

Safe Haven, yeah. I was so excited with the Harbor, I thought I won the red light challenge. Yeah. That would be multiple answers to win the red light challenge. Oh, that's true. It's a multiple answer question. I really did go to sleep on Light Challenge. Oh, that's true. It's a multiple answer question. I really did go to sleep on that one. So, Safe Harbor.

Yeah, that movie's fucked up, right? Yeah, it was... It was a Nicholas Sparks thing. It was a Nicholas Sparks thing. They always have a weird twist in those movies. Yeah, like she had a secret. She had a secret. What was her secret?

She was just running from an abusive man or something? Am I spoiling? No. Fucking, no. If we would have moved forward calling it Safe Harbor, not a single person would have complained. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually Safe Haven, and it's a favorite.

I actually, she's here tonight. So, Julianne. Josh Duhamelko. Oh, yeah. It was such a bad movie that it wasn't, like, shit, fun bad. And it wasn't. It wasn't like Roadhouse, bad, good. No, that was awesome.

Roadhouse is amazing. Roadhouse is great, yeah. Roadhouse is good. No, but that's not even bad, good. That's just a great movie, I think. But it was just... What was amazing was the end of the film, it descended into complete madness.

Like, it's already bad, whatever. You're watching it, servicely bad. And then it just is, oh, my God. What's the twist, though? I've seen it. I can't even remember the twist. Well cents. What's the twist, though? I've seen it. I can't even remember the twist. Well, she's on the run. You think she murdered some dude.

Turns out she just punched out or stabbed her husband, who's a cop that's hunting her. Sure. He was an abusive guy. Was this on Crackle.com? Yes and no. OK. They end up catching up. He ends up catching up to her.

And then she falls in love with Josh Duhamel, right? Sure. Is that how you say that? I don't know. I don't think so. Josh Duhamel? I think so. I don't know.

It's either pronounced Duhamel or Oliphant. Yeah. Josh Oliphant. Because people love to confuse the two of them. She's a total Pullman Paxton. She gets to this town, falls in love with, she's trying to lay low

at this fishing village in Georgia. I'm sorry, did I say describe the whole movie? Jesus Christ. What is the twist, Jordan? Jesus.

What's the twist? Well, I'm trying to set it up here. We don't care. What's the twist? Was it good? I'm trying to do it short. She's

been talking to a dead woman the whole time. That's a surprise. It's a whole movie. Her friend and nobody. That's what it is. Her friend Colby Smulders from Himyam. From Avengers. She is her friend and confidant through the whole movie.

And then it turns out she's dead. She's the dead wife of the guy she falls in love with. Or stabbed? That guy? The ex-husband? No, no. Someone else. I'm not allowed to explain the whole plot. But the point is not once does she go, hey, why don't you come

out to dinner with my... I want to introduce you because she becomes friends with her. Never mentions her to anyone else in the town that she talks to. Right. She can't. Do you know Colby Smulders? The dead girl? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. It's a, it's a very weird twist. And, uh. I never, I never saw the notebook. Is there some weird fantastical twist in it? Yeah.

It turns out when you have Alzheimer's you forget stuff. No, I mean all of... That's the notebook? There's not a twist in every one of his movies. He's not M. Night Shyamalan. Right, there's kind of a twist. There's always something, but that one, Safe Harbor, that's the...

Safe Haven, that's the weirdest one. That one is just such a weird like when, because when it happens, we did a movie interruption of it, you know, where we sit with microphones and tell jokes, and when that twist happened, everyone started screaming. Yeah, it's very strange.

And to bring it full circle, I'm not Shyamalan. Shyamalan? How do you say it? Shyamalan. He played Shyamalan. He was Joaquin Phoenix in Scary Movie 3 he was playing

the science character that's what Simon was playing right right yeah I'm really glad you brought that around thanks

full circle trying to move it over to him I mean that is the dumbest that is one of the dumbest things in a big hit movie

because science is a pretty effective movie and was a big hit and probably the last movie of his that people really loved and uh but he has to remember the word swing away to hit the alien with the bat like you're standing there with a fucking bat why does why do you have to know swing away how about hit that fucking alien with the bat that's fucking coming at you. It was not some sort of like, you know what I mean?

It was supposed to be like a prophecy, like he needed to know to swing. He might have just tapped the alien with it or something. Right. And there's also the big mystery of the water, figure out the water. It could have been something about that that would have been more effective. That was Abigail Breslin,

the little girl that wants all the water everywhere And she didn't know why she wanted it But it's because she turns out She's a big fan of Wizard of Oz And thinks it's how all evil is vanquished By throwing water on it Simon But by the way

That's what's partially funny about that scary movie Is how much they make fun of signs. Yeah, yeah. Like it turns into a signs parody for the second half. Oh, it's okay for you to bring it into, okay. Oh, sure. I'm just trying to save when you started. Thank you, thank you.

You're welcome. How long is Elm Beavers? Is it about 90 minutes? Is it perfect length? I'd say it's about 85. Oh, even better. Yeah. And did we say how people could see it on March 20th? Is it perfect length? I'd say it's about 85. Oh, even better. Yeah. And did we say how people could see it on March 20th?

Is it in theaters? March 20th, it'll be at the Los Feliz 3. It'll be in about 12 cities, and it'll be day and date, so it'll be iTunes VOD. Awesome. That's awesome. iTunes at the same time. Yeah.

All right, cool. Congrats, dude. Please check it out. Thanks. Can you wait until after the show? Well, I wanted everyone to know that I'm happy for you. Is that all right? Yeah it out. Thanks. Can you wait until after the show? I wanted everyone to know that I'm happy for you. Is that alright? Yeah.

Did you guys know each other before today? We did. We were great stories. Simon, what was the last movie you saw? I've been thinking about it this whole time. This whole time. I've been trying to remember because I got those, what are they called, the screeners? You get the watcher?

So I guess at home it counts because they're in the theaters. I think it was Gone Girl, but I smoke pot, which is a good thing about watching movies is you can watch a whole movie and then you're just like, oh shit, I've seen this movie after about 80 minutes, you know? So I believe I saw it. Just being his friend, He gets laid so much that he's saying it's weed, but he was probably like blowing some chick.

I totally suck on some chick's dick. That's what it's come to. That's what it's come to. It's probably like finger blasting someone's asshole. I need chicks with dicks. That's what it's come to. No, Gone Girl, it was gonna be. No, Gone Girl. And it was really, really good, I think.

You're pretty sure that it was really good? Pretty sure it was really good. It got snubbed for the best screenplay Oscar, people thought. And that Rosamund Pike got nominated for that.

She was great. Yeah, she was good. Yeah, she was scary. I especially like when she murders the shit out of Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, yeah. That was good. Oh, that was great. It was very good. She was scary. I especially like when she murders the shit out of Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, yeah. That was good. Oh, that was great.

It's really, really bloody. I like that. That was great. Although it made no sense whatsoever because there's cameras all in that house. So how did that happen? The director. Right. No, it's just that, I mean, you were bringing up some.

Did she go around and spray paint all the cameras? They've been taping for months. It just made it like she cries in a months. She knew what she was doing. She cries in a corner. For fuck's sake. She really knew what she was doing. So they would show her spraying the cameras. Does any of this sound familiar to you, Simon?

Do you remember any of this from the film? Vaguely. But you're picking apart little things. It was a good movie. Did you see it? I loved it, yeah. I liked it, okay. You're saying that this camera...

Yeah, it was all right. I didn't think it was any better than an hour of Law & Order.. Did you see it? I loved it, yeah. I liked it, okay. You're saying that this camera Yeah, it was alright. I didn't think it was any better than an hour of Law and Order. I didn't see it. I thought it was a little better than an hour of Law and Order. Not that much better. A little more David Finch-y,

but you know, it was Finch-y. Finch-y? It was a lot of eye candy, John, girl. It was sort of Finch-y, but I think Social Network and Zodiac,

he's done movies that are much better. I agree. I think. I agree. But it's a fun movie. What was your favorite movie of the year? I don't have to answer that. Yeah! Guardians of the Galaxy. My point is What was that?

That I saw Guardians of the Galaxy. I saw The 100 Foot Journey recently because I couldn't make the three foot journey to the remote. Now it's the part of the show where I say, Rip the games, big girl! That's going to be my thing now

is I'm going to go down the line and everyone's going to stammer and stutter through what movie they just saw and then I'm going to have a joke written. Just saying.

But this is the part where you guys go out into the audience. People brought some colorful and fun name tags. So you're going to go out there and select. We just randomly select. It doesn't have to be random. Like a finchie? Whatever one you like, Simon.

And while you guys do that, we're going to do this. We'll be right back. And we're back. Who are you playing for, Eddie Pepitone? It looks like Step Up to the Streets. Is that who I'm playing for? So what's the name? Steph.

Steph. Step Up to the Streets. Oh, sorry. It's very, it's streets. Oh, sorry. It's hard to read, actually. But it's colorful. It's got my face on there. It's got Steph's face on there. Very, very well done.

The graphics, little to be desired. But Steph up to the streets. What are you promoting, Eddie? I am promoting the Netflix special. Oh, that's right special that has gone to iTunes and now you can get In Ruins on iTunes. Thank you. Does it go off of Netflix when that happens?

Or is it both? Is it still at Netflix as well? Yeah. You can visually see it or now just listen to it and imagine it. Take it easy, Ben. Ben's got a big fist on now. What does it and imagine it. Take it easy, Ben. I'm just... Ooh. Yeah, Ben's got a big fist on now

and what does it say on it? Wreck it, Mike. Wreck it, Mike. So the dude's name is Mike and he gave you a big fleshy fist. It should say wreck it, sweaty hands, Mike.

Oh, it's gross inside? Yeah. It's like a... No, it's not bad. I'm just kidding. It's like an albino hulk hand. Yeah, I guess. And who are you playing for, Jordan?

Beige albino. David Wayne's movie. They came to Heather. She recreated the poster in a very interesting way. There's a lot going on with that. I guess those two things, you could just set it down on the table in front of yourself. Sounds like this. It sets up nicely.

Yeah, people don't have to look at you for that. Good one, Heather. Who are you playing for, Simon? You've got some treats? Is that two people? Kara and Chelsea's high school reunion. Yeah, yeah. And some cookies.

That's what Lord Meehan was the... Are they homemade? Yeah. Homemade cookies. Does's what Lord Min was the... Are they homemade? Yeah. Homemade cookies. Does this mean that he has another threesome tonight? What's going to... Is that two people, Doug? Yeah.

Did you make a tin at home? Put those cookies in? It's very Christmassy, just in time. Yeah, right. You know... It even says Merry Christmas on the top of the fucking thing. Those are homemade. All right.

Well, good name tags, good choices, everybody. To determine who's going to go first in our game today, I still got to tell everybody what all the prizes are on the prize bank. But let's do this anyway since I started saying it. You guys want to do some lights? All right. saying it. You guys want to do some lines? So, basically,

Mark Wahlberg is here. And when he asks you to do some lines, how you doing, Mark? I'm doing good. How you guys doing? You doing good. How you guys doing? Panelists, Mark Wahlberg here is going to say a line from a motion

picture. It's not necessarily, in fact, it probably isn't a Mark Wahlberg movie, because we used to do Mark Wahlberg movies, and we went through all of them. It's too easy. Yes, and it's too easy. He's going to say a line from a movie.

As soon as you know it, just say it into your microphone. First person with the correct answer. I don't even know what he's going to do. First person that gets in with the right answer is our winner in this game.

Are you ready, Mark? I feel good. That's not part of it. That's what he says to himself. Here we go. You ready? Yes, I'm ready. Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat. Life's a bitch,

and she's back in heat. What if he says it twice and nobody knows? Life's a bitch And she's back in heat What if he says it twice And nobody knows Life's a bitch He'll say it Until you figure it out She's back in heat Out of Africa Life's a bitch

We could keep trying If we mess up She's back in heat Yeah yeah There's no wrong answers That really helps Except for wrong answers That really helps

Life's a bitch And she's back in heat, okay? The departed. No? I'll give you another line from the movie. Ready? You better put these fucking sunglasses on. Not this year.

You better put these fucking sunglasses on. The Fighter. No. Boogie Nights. No. Do you know what it is, Don? It's not a Mark Wahlberg movie. Yeah.

It sure sounds like a Mark Wahlberg movie. You better put these fucking sunglasses on. I know, I know. You better put these fucking sunglasses on. I know, I know. You better put these fucking sunglasses on. No. Fuck. Your face! No.

Solaris! No, it's not Solaris. Paddington! Could it be a Donnie Wahlberg movie? There's only two. I don't think he would ever quote a Donnie Wahlberg movie. Oh my God, did I tell you what Donnie's doing? What's he doing?

I got him a hobby, okay? He goes to animal shelters and then when people leave with their adopted dog he fucking kidnaps them and sees how much these people really want to rescue

that fucking dog. I turned him on to it. I drop him off. I pick him up at 6 p.m. He's happy as can be. You guys want one other one? No, well, I get to ask

where were those lines from? They Live. The movie They Live. Is that John Carpenter? John Carpenter's They Live. Oh, the glass. Roddy, Roddy Piper. That was a giveaway.

The glass is where he came from. You should have said the line about I came here to kick ass and chew gum. No, he said it wasn't. That would have been too obvious. This one's so fucking easy. What do you mean too obvious? It can never be too obvious.

It's just who says it first. Okay. So, Doug, clarification. It's not Donnie Wahlberg. I mean... It's not a Mark Wahlberg movie. It's not Marky Wahlberg. No Wahlberg.

No, dude. It's just a movie I was either up for and declined or should have fucking been in. Gotcha. Okay? Gotcha. Here we go. All right, here we go. It's another classic movie.

Isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm a girl? A girl who has everything? Eight Mile. No.

I got oozits and what's its galore. Thingamabobs? I got plenty. But you know what, motherfucker? I want more. The staircase. Staircase.

I want to go where the people are. I want to see them. I want to see them running around in those... What are they called again? Oh, yeah. Feet.

How do you not fucking know what this movie is? Is Mark Wahlberg in it? Wait, wait, wait. Do the one we talked about backstage. Okay. What's it? That was The Little Mermaid. It was The Little Fucking Mermaid. I've seen it. Never saw it. Never saw it? Do we know? That was the Little Mermaid. It was the Little

fucking Mermaid. I've seen it. Never saw it. Never saw it. Oh my gosh. That's fucking great. I love it. Let's just do this.

Just do the one, the easiest one of all time. Just do it. Okay, ready? The Wizard of Oz. No. The easiest one

of all time? It's pretty simple. Philadelphia. Why are we having all these wars and stars? Star Wars. It is fucking Star Wars. Whoa. I'll we having all these wars and stars? Star Wars. It is fucking Star Wars.

Whoa. I'll be honest, Doug. I couldn't remember the one. That's not the one we talked about backstage. I don't remember what it was. Yeah, you were going to go there. Oh, yeah. They won't get that shit.

They're not. Yeah, come on. Let's go for it. Who got that last one? Ben got it? Ben got it. What'd you call it? Star Wars.

That's not the right title. A National Lampoon Star Wars. So we're going to do one more. Okay, ready? Yeah. Are we doing the hard one

or no? I'm going to act on this one too, all right? They're here. Poltergeist. It is fucking Poltergeist. Yes! All right.

I'm going to go pick a fight if anybody's down. But can you imagine if Mark Wahlberg played the little girl in Poltergeist, that's what he'd be. He'd be like,

they're here. You know? Is it true? No, I'm going to kick their ass. All those people died after that movie. Is that true? No, Coach is still alive.

Mark Wahlberg, everybody. 830, UCB Sunset. I'm doing a show tonight. Good job, dude. But really, is that true that a lot of the cast members died after Poltergeist? There's this supposed Poltergeist curse. There was the

Dominique Dunn, her chef boyfriend murdered her in a jealous rage. And the little girl died pretty young. And in Poltergeist 2, there was an old guy who died a couple years later but he was already fucking 80 or something. You're gonna die! Yeah, that guy.

He looked dead already. How much of a curse is it for an old guy to die? And also the director of Poltergeist was too coked out and apparently Spielberg stepped in and Ghost directed it, correct? Well, you know, Ghost directed Poltergeist. Produced it.

Produced it. That's the rumor is that everybody says that Tobey Hooper didn't really make it, but Tobey Hooper will always have the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre

to hold up and say, well, it's not like I didn't direct anything cool. He can hold it up and say, what, what? Yeah. And didn't he also direct Funhouse?

That was all right. Oh, yeah, so I guess he is great. No. Poor Tobey Hooper. You're right. Oh, yes, I guess he is great. Poor Toby Hooper. You're right. Poltergeist is cursed. What's in here?

What is this, Ben? Just some stuff that I thought people might think was tasty and or interesting. There's a little tree. That's nice. There's a jar of M&M's Is this all from Your hotel minibar? Speaking of

The airport Texas Chainsaw Massacre And what the fuck Is this thing? Those are golf balls Doug You got two Chrome soft

Callaway balls Yeah Those are good Right there Everybody needs a couple of balls I bought them Oops Alright So all that's going couple of balls, I've got them. Oops. All right, so all that's going in the prize bag.

Plus, we got two Zombievers t-shirts. Oh, yeah. In two different sizes so that whoever wins in their significant other can just wear matching Zombievers shirts. Where a beaver is attacking a lady's beaver. Super classy shirt. Too subtle? Yeah. Way too subtle.

I got a cup from when I went on the 311 cruise. It's very colorful. I was on At Midnight last night and they always give us deluscious cookies

so I'm putting that in the prize bag. Wow. Also the prize bag says At Midnight on it. I was like, these guys are awesome. Now they're giving me a bag to use every time. A $25 iTunes gift card

from Eddie Pepitone, which you can use for to buy his new... How much does yours go for? I don't know. Okay, but less than $25. Oh, easily. There's plenty left over to get something out. You'll have plenty to spare.

You can buy four or five of them. Yeah, download it a bunch of times. That would totally be worth the money. That's the only thing you can buy with that gift card? I got a koozie from the 311 cruise. Oh, I didn't mean to put this in there. This is like liquid weed. When you say 311 cruise, the, I didn't mean to put this in there. This is like liquid weed. I can't get that out of it. When you say 311 cruise, the band...

I don't understand. The band had a cruise. On a boat? Yes, on a boat. No, it was just a big car going up and down a street. But they have their own cruise. They just play music on a boat? Yeah, like a lot of bands and rock stars, like

the Kid Rock Cruise is going on right now. But last week was the 311 Cruise out of Miami down to Jamaica. And we got down to Jamaica two days after they legalized weed down there. So that was pretty sweet. Nothing like music on the water. They just legalized weed in Jamaica. That can't be. I know, right?

It doesn't make any sense. Like Jamaica is the place where weed is, right? They invented it. But no, it's just now legal. That's amazing. What's know, right? It doesn't make any sense. Like, Jamaica's the place where weed is, right? They invented it, but no, it's just now legal. That's amazing. What's up, Jordan? I just remembered something. Can I tell you a quick piece of trivia about Franklin? Yeah, I'm going to cut you off midway. It'll be really quick.

So, you know, a few years back when Simon was on the WB, was it? Yeah, that was the network. They spotted him and they had something on E! Online and I was walking with him so they wrote, spotted Simon Rex walking down Franklin

with his blah-looking friend. Jesus Christ. And he was trying to talk me out of it. He's like, no, no, it's because they meant you had like the blahs.

Like you were probably writing jokes. You seem a little sad or thoughtful. They meant pensive. Really hurt my feelings. What were you wearing? This.

Here's something I got recently. Last night, actually, at a Getting Doug With High show. It's a phone homie t-shirt. It's got a cute little E.T. on a bike smoking weed. Love that. And Simon brought some CDs.

I apologize in advance. For what? It should have been a $25 gift certificate. It was a lot more courteous and thoughtful. No, but his CDs are great. You're not forced upon them. But this is great because whoever wins tonight is going to get doubles of each. Yeah, you get doubles.

Give it to a friend. Yeah. That album's awesome. Thank you. Dirt Nasty. Yeah. That's your. Give it to a friend. Yeah. That album's awesome. Thank you. Dirt Nasty. Yeah. That's your... That's my alias, yeah.

That's your music name. Hollywood. He directed the first video we did for Dropping Names. I did a song where I kind of dropped names like so many people do in LA. He directed the video. Yeah. Remember? Do you remember that?

Remember when you did that, Jordan? Weren't you feeling kind of blah that day? The video came out kind of blah too. I had a case of the blahs. You directed it. You're like, no, I can't remember that. All of that stuff is in the prize bag tonight, you guys. And one of these four people, Heather or the other three, is going to win.

And yeah, let's get that phone homie shirt in there. And that cup from the 311 cruise. The 311 cruise. Like this bag is so chock full of stuff that it's overflowing. So I'm going to hang on to the gift certificate for iTunes because it doesn't fit the bag.

That's a good prize bag. That was a classy gift, Eddie. No, it was because it's movie related. It was either that or a wheel of cheese. I went for that. Now someone's going to be disappointed. All right. Eddie gets to go first in this game that we're about to play.

That's called Last Man Stanton. And one guy's excited about it. And the winner of this game is going to win all the prizes for the person they're playing for. Can I sneak two beers real quick for like the eight seconds? Yeah, dude. Make it three, please. No, I'm good. I'm good. You're drinking your coffee, and you're okay. Yeah, I'm good. That took eight seconds just to talk about it.

Go get three beers. Awesome. Okay, so Simon's eliminated. I'm sorry, Cara. Cara and Chelsea. Is it Cara or Kara? Kara. Kara, okay.

No, you're not eliminated. We'll wait for him to get back, but I also can't. And then we'll eliminate him. I can't explain what the game is while he's not here. Hurry up, Si. Raise your hand like a nice person if you've got a suggestion for Last Man Stanton, somebody you don't think we've played before that you think we should use. There's a hand that shot up over there, so I gotta go with that one.

But wait just a second. Let's wait for Simon to get back. I like it already, though. Thanks, Simon. Because I heard half of it, I think. Thanks.

Enjoy your Bud Lights, you guys. Cheers. Cheers, everybody. Cheers. Thank you. Cheers, everybody. I'm gonna go ahead

and take a hit if you guys are gonna do that. Really? Can you? Legally? I got a vapor pen, but also this place is pretty chill. You know, in the movie Super Jaime, we smoke on stage in this very theater. Yeah, and that was years ago. Things are much cooler now.

That's a cool pipe, dude. I think a fella could get a closer look at that? Yeah, check it out. Look at it with your mouth. Press the button with your finger. Is that the fluid one or it has actual weed? No, that's just wax, yeah. Yeah, oil.

It's delicious. You good or do you want to hang out? I really want to. I really want it. He hasn't smoked in seven days, guys. Give him a hand. Rex is off weed for three days. Three days.

Good for you. I'm going to blow my brains out. But it's also weird that you don't have an end date, that it's just like you're just seeing how long you can go. It's an open book. That just seems like torture to me. Like, if you pick a date, you could probably get to it. Oh, it's torture.

Yeah, but just say next week or something. Next week or something. Perfect. I meant you need to be more specific. Wednesday. That was very slightly more specific. Just see how long you can quit for. That's a weird thing.

16 months is my record. What's your longest since you started smoking? 30 days. That's pretty good. When I made a documentary about quitting for 30 days. That's pretty good. When I made a documentary about quitting for 30 days. I saw it. I saw it.

I forgot because I was high. Yeah, right? People watch that thing over and over again. He was high. How do you feel when you quit smoking? Do you get a little bit

more agitated? Road rage? Things happen? A little more sleep, eating, diet, things like that? Yeah, everything's less enjoyable.

You know, but it's not the end of the world. I mean, you know. Everything is less enjoyable. Like, if you get agitated, just smoke again, you know. I mean, we're doing it. We're medicating, basically. Fuck, I want to smoke so bad. You're doing good, though, if you turned it.

Should we do like a survey? What about blowing it in your face? Is that all right? Yeah. Oh, please. Do it in his ear like a survey? What about blowing it in your face? Is that alright? Yeah. Oh, please. Do it in his ear like a cat. I quit drinking, but if you guys pour it in my mouth,

it's no big deal. That would be ineffective to blow it in his ear. Is it a sativa hybrid? Jack Herrera mixed with... I don't know what the fuck it is. It's not wine. If it's fucking Merlot I mean

it's like a fine wine the label came off so I don't know alright apologies to put your hands together keep blowing it in my face please whenever you feel okay

thank you I'm not gonna this is the first time I've ever taken that many hits during the show one it's kind of weird two

I've taken like three so far but it's you know it's interesting it's a conversation piece we should do a getting done with high at UCB I've taken like three so far. But it's interesting. It's a conversation piece. We should do a Getting Doug with High at UCB because they're so cool about it. So a gentleman over there in the corner

is going to name an actor, actress, or director who's made a ton of movies. And the five of us are going to take turns. I'm going to play two. Naming movies that that person was in. Or involved with if they're a director. Producer credits don't count. And we're going to start.

Ben gets to start. I thought I went first. Yeah, you said Eddie. You said me. Who said Poltergeist first? Ben. Ben did. So let's start with Ben.

Okay. I understand. We'll go to you next Eddie after Ben doesn't matter you can go first it really doesn't matter go first if you want it really doesn't matter

I'm terrible at this if you can't get through the first round then and then me then Simon then Jordan and what's the

actor actress or director Morgan Freeman that's a great one. He's been in 300 movies at least. That's a lot of movies, Doug. Are you sure about that? Maybe not.

He's been in a lot, though. He doesn't slum and do TV ever. He's in three or four movies a year for the last 20 years. Jesus, that many movies? Right? How many? You said Sam Jackson, right? I'm just saying.

All right, so Ben Bailey go first and name any Morgan Freeman movie. Super Bowl commercials featuring Lawrence Fishburne. Shawshank Redemption. Oh, okay. Oh, well, big fucking deal. Are you really a plot?

I'm sorry, Ben. I haven't even told the people at home about your socks yet. Be nice to me. Lowest hanging fruit. Go ahead, Ben. Any Morgan Freeman movie? Oh, this is going up. Anyone?

Anyone at all. March of the Penguins. Okay. Nice. Good pull. I got one that'll fucking knock your socks off later. I can't wait. I can't wait for that one.

Oh, that's going to be good. I'm going to go with, I may have misspoke when I said Guardians of the Galaxy was my favorite movie last year, because I'm going to go in this game with the Lego movie. Wow. I'm so excited that they're making a Batman Lego movie. It's going to be so much better than

any other fucking Batman they've ever made. Simon? The bone collector. Oh, nice. Named after Jordan's mom. Oh. Hey, everybody. Producer Ryan here. No need to bother the corrections department.

They already know Morgan Freeman wasn't in the bone collector. Back to the show. I thought it was named after the guy that follows around Angelina Jolie in that movie. Same person. Collecting all the bones she leaves behind.

No, surprisingly not. It's my mom. Jordan? Dark Knight. The Dark Knight. Yes. Bev? Bruce Almighty.

Okay. Bruce Almighty okay you're gonna jump right to his god rolls I've just done that Eddie I thought you said you had a really good one I do and I hope I hope people appreciate this but it's called I ain't in it for my health and it's the Levon Helm story. Wow.

He's interviewed in it. It's a documentary? Yeah. That doesn't count, right? Oh, it doesn't? It counts. No, I'm just kidding. Hey, everybody.

Producer Ryan here. No need to contact the corrections department. They already know that Morgan Freeman wasn't in the Levon Helm documentary. Back to the show. I mean, there's no one here that argues that that happened, right? It wasn't like a special on PBS or something. It was a feature film. No, no. Leave on Helm

documentary called I Ain't In It From My School. Simon's conferring with the audience. Hold on. Simon's asking someone to Google over here. I said I love that sweater. Doug, he's having someone Google for him. Yeah, don't Google for Simon. Simon, come on.

No idea what you're talking about, Jordan. I'm going with Bonfire of the Vanities. Is he? I didn't know. He plays the judge. That was your next one, Simon? No, I have no... All right.

Fuck. Don't feel bad if you can't think of one. I don't feel bad. It's a hard game. Oh, shit. That's so awful. you can't think of one. I don't feel bad. It's a hard game. Oh, shit. Is the Matrix one of those? Is that a different person? Yeah, he also played

Cowboy Curtis on Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Am I wrong? Yes. So I lose? You're out. I don't get the bag? You're out. I don't get the bag? You're out. You don't get the bag. There was never a chance for you to get the bag.

But I will say a shithead. See, they wrote a shithead on the back there, so I'm going to say that on your behalf. How the fuck do I not know a Morgan Freeman? What's his name? Well, let's see. Morgan Freeman. Let's see how Jordan does.

Batman Begins. Uh-huh. See, that's all you had to do, Simon, was pay attention. Because there's secrets sometimes. I don't watch those. But yeah, you're right. I should have put that together. You're right.

I guess you could say any of the... Yeah. You could say any movie he's in. Yeah, you could just say you could say any of the... You could say any movie he's in. Yeah, you could just say... Just say any Morgan Freeman movie and you just skate in this game. Ben? Wait, you could just say any movie? Any Morgan

Freeman movie. Any Morgan Freeman movie. That really opens it up. Which is practically all movies. I mean, just saying The Matrix wasn't that bad of an idea. Am I eliminated or do I get to keep playing or am I out? You're out. Fuck. Should I get another beer?

You can still enjoy your time here. You need another beer already? I'm just saying. Ben. Unforgiven. Yes. That's a great one. Top three favorite movies.

Bone Collector's the best one this one. That movie's unreal. I love that movie too. So fucking good. You don't get any bonus thoughts. Did anyone think Bone Collector? I'm sure a lot of people did. good. You don't get any bonus thoughts. Did anyone think Bone Clipper? I'm sure a lot of people did. Maybe.

I don't know. I don't even remember if he was in that. He was in it. Eddie. The Lou Reed story. No, I'm kidding. Glory? Yeah.

Yeah, Glory. Yeah. Sure. Why not? Okay. I'm going to go with The Dark Knight Rises. Oh, you motherfucker.

Then I think I'm going to go with Evan Almighty. Right? I was trying to think if he was in that one or if he skipped out. I didn't know either, but I'm guessing. Was he in it? Okay, cool. Thank you. if he was in that one or if he skipped out. I didn't know either, but I'm guessing. I swear I'm guessing. Was he in it? Yeah.

Okay, cool. Thank you. He was amazing in that. Bitter. Ben. Ben Almighty. Fuck. Right?

Yeah. There's at least 50 more. There's 50 others yeah I'm already starting my will's getting a little dry I'm thinking of some where you can't think of the name

you know you just you can picture it but you can't see the guy who was driving Miss Daisy oh holy crap how did we miss that one

I know fuck nobody saw that one listen you guys Holy crap. How did we miss that one? Fuck, nobody saw that one. Listen, you guys, I have to take a break to make water. Slash Google. No, make water is what he has to ask Miss Daisy. Oh, yeah.

Oh, right. He can have permission to do it. She wouldn't give him permission. He did it anyway. That's racist. All over her face. Don't remember. He just took out his big him permission and he did it anyway. That's racist. All over her face. Don't remember that. He just took out his big black dick

and pissed in her face. That's in the sequel, I think, Doug. And Dan Eckhart was like, Mama! All right. Fucking Miss Daisy

is the sequel. All right, Eddie. Oh, I just thought of one. I'm in good shape. Don't worry about me. What do you got? He does so much animated shit. Oh, that's right.

Finding Nemo. No. Just a guess. He was not? Do you think he was Dory, the forgetful fish? He played the president in a motion picture called Deep Impact. Oh, yes. That was the sequel to Bone Collector, right?

Jordan? Someone already said Glory 2, right? I'm going to go with... Fuck. Shit, I have one that I really wish I remember the name of it but I think I'll go Prestige no way

alright so that was a rejection sound can I say the one I was thinking of to help him maybe no no Ben's got to do this on his own. No, I don't want you to say anything to him. I can't remember the name. You could still be the winner of this thing. You don't smoke weed.

You have no excuse. Who was the last one to name one successfully? Ben? Me? I did. I can't win because I'm not playing for anybody. So it's whoever comes in second if I win I'm having trouble thinking of another one

right now fuck I have such a good one I don't know the name I know the whole movie fucking shit bags of donuts oh fucking cock slob

I just thought of another I thought of one I thought of one I mean don't worry about me Eddie I got one. Anything, Ben? Eight men out.

I don't think he was in that. Is he in that? Yeah. I don't think so. So these four. Racist. That was the last one to say one right. Ben.

Okay, so Ben's the winner. Yeah. You know, I was thinking we should have said seven. It's a baseball movie. Seven? Seven, of course. Eight was better, which is rare. What's the Hillary Swank boxing one?

Million Dollar Baby. Nice. Yeah, that's a good one. What's a baseball movie? He also was in a movie called Street Smarts, is what I just thought of, with Christopher Reeve. There's so many. Yeah. Oh, there's more. Reeve. There's so many. There's good.

Oh, there's more. Tell us. Hostile environment. Nine at a time. Nine at a time. Was he in Dolphin Tale 2? Yes!

God damn! Could have got both of those in there. This guy just yelled out Dark Knight. That's cute. There's a ball player one.

Has he seen Field of Dreams? Field of Dreams. Was he in that? No. It's not a baseball movie. That's James Earl

Jones. You racist. No, I'm thinking of baseball movies, not black guys. Oh, I'm sure he's been in a baseball movie at some point.

I'm sure. He's been in every genre. Yeah, I can picture him with his knee on the dugout going like this. Like saying some drop in philosophy.

All right, you guys. Major League, I think it is. No. No. The Natural? No. No.

All right. Is he into baseball? Wreck-It Mike, come get your prizes, Wreck-It Mike. And pass me the name tags with the... Is there a shithead on the back of yours, Eddie? I'm sorry, Heather. Is there what? Is there anything written on the back of your name tag? Nice one, Mike. And pass me the name tags. Is there a shithead on the back of yours, Eddie?

I'm sorry, Heather. Is there anything written on the back of your name tag? Anything written on the back of it? Don't say it out loud. More Chelsea and carrots, sorry. Yeah, there is something written. Pass it down here, just pass it down. Don't say it out loud. Yeah, we're good. So everything's over?

Pretty much, yeah. That's it. That's it. One Morgan Freeman. All or nothing over here. Is that the shithead? Yes. Can you say so? What do you got to plug, Eddie?

iTunes. It's a fast show. We just started. In ruins on iTunes and on Netflix. Get it. Thank you. Ben Bailey, what's coming up? I don't know, Doug.

All right, see you there. Can't wait to watch that. I'll be at the Punchline in San Francisco next week, 11 through 14. Oh, okay. Yeah. Comedy Club on State in Madison, Wisconsin, April 22nd and 23rd. Love that place. Really? I haven't been there yet. Yeah. Comedy Club on State in Madison, Wisconsin, April 22nd and 23rd. Love that place. Really?

I haven't been there yet. Yeah. Cool. It's the best comedy club under a bank in the world. Basements are good spaces for clubs. Yeah. Zombievers. Yeah.

Zombievers. Jordan Rubens. So. Directing. Directorial achievement. Debut. Debut? Yes.

Okay. March 20th, VOD or a theater near you, but anyone in the crowd that remembers my email can email me and get free tickets to the premiere. Wow. Okay, you're going to say it after we're recording. Sure. Don't say it on the recording.

Of course. You're getting a lot of calls. On my email? On my email? You're getting a lot of calls. On my email? On my email? You're getting a lot of people are going to ring up your email. And they're going to get frustrated because you won't pick up.

Give them your phone number so they'll email you instead. Okay. And Simon Rex, what's going on with you, man? Scary Movie 17. No way. Starring Morgan Freeman.

It's going to be completely different this time. No. Oh, man. NCIS? Yeah, but no. It's like I got some little guest stars on some shit I'd never. I take that back. Yeah, that's what the producers want to hear when they hear this.

Right. I was just on an amazing show called NCIS. Yeah. Nice. So check it out. Maybe called NCIS. Yeah. Nice. So check it out. Maybe I killed him. Maybe I didn't. Hey, tune in to find out. Oh.

Do I have a gig? I don't know. Oh. NCIS, what happens? Blow it in my face one more time to remind me. And I have this amazing luscious sexual album with Smoothie coming out called Breakfast in Bed. Hey, hey, it'll be on iTunes, so you know it's good. Yeah, iTunes is all quality all the time. Will you blow that in my face? Yeah, the next hit I will.

Obviously. I'm trying to wrap this up. The weed? The show or The show Yeah I'm trying to quit weed Day three dude I should have got high before this shit Blow me

I mean blow that Blow weed into my dick I can't believe Joaquin Phoenix is up to his old tricks again. I know. Thank you to all of my guests. Eddie Pepitone, Ben Bailey, Jordan Rubin, and Simon Rex. What a delightful group

of gentlemen. I think I got contact high. Speaking of Morgan Freeman, who's in contact? I'm kidding. I think I got contact high. Speaking of Morgan Freeman, who's in contact? I'm kidding.

As always, Lauren is a shithead. And cat haters are shitheads. And going 16 days without a new Doug Loves Movies is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. is a shithead.