Doug Loves Movies - Steve Agee, Riki Lindhome, Brett Gelman, and Shane Mauss Guest

Episode Date: April 11, 2012

Doug welcomes comedians Riki Lindhome, Steve Agee, Shane Mauss, and Brett Gelman to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, creamy babies, sticky seeds With 50-azin' popcorn kernels in his teeth They're still not warm, then he won't sleep Because Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you from the UCB Theater

in Hollywood. I almost said weird, but that's not fun. On Tuesday, April 10th, 2 Oceans 12. And I had to wait for a second because I could tell there was people sitting on the floor right here when I came through the door but it's so dark that I didn't want to

step on you or push my chair into you great story since last I spoke you listened I did two comedy shows stand up shows in Appleton Wisconsin at the Skyline Comedy Cafe.

And it was last night and there were lots of name tags at the first show. And Graham took down the first contestant Andrea, whose name tag was a green lightsaber with her name on it. And she picked my five. And she

didn't recognize, after all the clues, the movie anchorman with its awesome flute playing then right he plays a flute nut then John someone named John came up on stage and his name tag was written out in Legos and he lost two but then I said to Graham you should should karate chop his sign. And Graham did, and the Legos flew everywhere. And it was one of the funniest things ever. So we gave him the prize bag because

it looked like he was going to cry. He was a good sport. And then in the second show, we brought this dude named Carrie up on stage, but then a drunk guy, I can only hope he was drunk, in the audience, an older gentleman, yelled at me, You were funnier in Barbados. And then I explained to the man that I've never been to Barbados.

And he got thrown out. And as he was being thrown out, someone noticed and then told me later that he had a small flag. Apparently the flag of Barbados. So that guy was super into Barbados. Thought he saw me there. Tracked me down in Appleton, Wisconsin.

Appleton, Wisconsin, man. She gets cray. So, from the corrections department, the Rental Car 10 episode, I say Mom and Dad Save the Universe, but the movie's actually called Mom and Dad

Save the World. Like, two people mentioned it to me on Twitter, but the movie's actually called Mom and Dad Save the World. Like, two people mentioned it to me on Twitter, but I'd still like to clear these things up for anyone that doesn't appreciate my inaccuracy. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. The number one movie in the country is Hunger Games.

You know how I feel about Hunger Games. The number two movie's American Reunion Pie. I bet you have a feeling how I... I bet you... I bet you can guess how I feel about the American Pie movies. So watch Hunger Games, not American Pie. Reunion goes protocol.

This has been Watch This, Not That. Don't forget Portland, Oregon. Come to Douglas Movies tapings this weekend at Helium Comedy Club at 420 on Saturday and Sunday. And don't you forget, San Francisco, that Douglas Movies will be performed, taped on Thursday,

April 19th at Cobbs at 8 o'clock with very special guests. And then we're going to do a countdown to 420 stand-up show over at the Punchline at 1030. Yeah, I'm playing two different clubs in San Francisco on the same night because that's... April 19th is like my Christmas Eve.

And... Or New Year's Eve, I guess I could have gone with to be less religious about it. And Eugene, Oregon, the second annual 421 show at Wow Hall is happening on 421. And Wow in Wow

Hall stands for Woodsman of the World. I like to tell that to people. Because Wow Hall just sounds like, you know, sounds like a silly name for a place. Turns out it's Woodsman of the World. Oh, shit. Now it's's Woodsman of the World.

Oh, shit. Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. At Matt underscore C44 tweeted, just saw Wrath of the Titans. It's my favorite found footage movie yet. That was Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.

Let's see what's in the prize bag. Oh, there's some good stuff in here. This is, you know, again, doesn't really give away who the guests are. I mean, you know me. I brought my CD, as I always do, Professional Humor Idiot. I also brought my new friends,

the band Sleeper Agent. I brought a copy of their CD, Celebration. And then also the good people at Action Fest that's happening this weekend in Asheville, North Carolina. Gave me a program from last year, but also this book is pretty cool. This is, it's

Kick-Ass creating the comic and making the movie. And yeah, because Action Fest, Kick-Ass, those two go together great. Also, here's a signed copy. Sarah Silverman isn't here tonight, but someone from Sarah Silverman's program is here and brought a copy of the script and signed it. And then this is also, this is a crazy one.

I'm going to have to have this guy explain this to me a little bit more, but it's some sort of Dodger dugout club magazine, but then also a VIP opening day post-game party pass. But I don't know if this already happened, right? So I don't know how good

of a gift that is or why, but then on the even weirder spectrum, you can get keychains, two keychains. One is Jesus and one is Buddha that one of the other guests brought. So please help me

in welcoming to the stage Ricky Lindholm, Brett Gelman, Shane Moss, and Steve Agee. So, hi Ricky Hi Garfunkel, Garfunkel Notes What's up? I brought cupcakes You brought cupcakes

Yeah, I didn't have them in the bag Because that wouldn't have worked out so good. Can I open them? Can you see what kind of... They're from Southern Girl. Southern Girl Desserts. Oh my god, they smell so good. Get the dirty air out of them.

That's ridiculous. There's six of them. Just to add a little bonus, I'm going to sneeze on them. Just for you guys. The coconut one, really, the coconut smell really jumps out. Oh, it's teasing me. Yeah, it's really good. Alright, let's close it back up.

But anyway, free plug, even though these were paid for, free plug for Southern Girl Desserts. Yeah, there you go. Shane Moss is here, everybody. Hey, Shane, what's going on? You were on one of the infamous, really lengthy shows that I did in Austin, Texas. It was bad.

We can say that. It was real bad. Bad isn't really the right word for it, but you and I were certainly the two people on stage trying to make it humorous in some way, and we had some, you way. They're friends of mine, so I don't want to talk too much shit about them. Who was it? It was just long. Yeah, it was long, but also I used

some local radio personalities in Austin who are friends of mine and who I enjoy a great deal. We did two shows, and the first day was a mix of radio people and comedians that I knew that were in town. And I thought that was a pretty good show. But then the next day, Sean walked into a bear trap of a show.

It's Shane. I saved the show that day. He couldn't even remember my name. And I saved that damn show. You should. But you should just smash Shane Moss together and just call yourself Shaws. Shaws. Shaws. Or something like that.

No one gets my first or my last name right ever, so you don't have to feel bad about it. I got it right a couple of times. You usually do. Let me ask Brent Yellman what he thinks about when people get your name wrong. What do you think about that, Brent? It's a great exercise

in forgiveness. I immediately am filled with violent rage for like a second and then I have to, I take a breath and I let it go and I like the person

even more because they're flawed just like me. And that is the mental process I go through when a fucking idiot hears me say Brett but because they're so involved

in their own stupid, boring lives they think I said Brent and they weren't truly listening to me. And that is why I'm a narcissist. It's a seminar you could hold about narcissism. Was that good? Yeah, you don't need to put your microphone down. That is why I'm a narcissist. It's a seminar you can hold about narcissism. Was that good? Yeah, you don't need to put your microphone down. No, I know.

You're going to have to talk again. Yeah, then nobody can hear me in cyber world. Do you have any specific beard goals at this point? Because you're really building up a nice one. Yeah, to trim it this week. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm not all about my beard identity. You weren't trying to get ready to do your own version of Fiddler? No, no. Yeah, I'm not like all about, you know, my beard identity. You weren't trying

to get ready to do your own version of Fiddler? No, no. Play Tevye or something? I would love to do that, though. I would love to play Tevye.

No, but people always try to strap some sort of beard identity onto me, and it's just like, you know, I just haven't shaved. I know,

but I'm not manipulating any situation, I swear. But I did do a couple jobs where they did not want me to trim it. So it went from nice to Unabomber and weak. It's very castable. Yeah. Sexy, though.

Yeah. Your beard could get ganked. It's either going to get you some roles or lose you some roles. I know. I think they don't tell you the roles that it loses you. Oh my god, I thought that guy was going to fucking take a shit in the middle of the

floor. I couldn't wait to get him out of here. Funny, yeah, but I don't want kids to have a traumatic experience when they see him on screen. Not that they would. I've been told that I'm very likable. Let's go back to that. Steve Agee is here, everybody.

Beard and all. This is for a movie. It is? A movie beard? Yeah, Jeff Garlin called me a month ago and was like, I'm doing a movie and you're going to be in it. Don't shave for two months. I'm not shaving.

I'm finding I have a lot of gray and also that this is about as much as it's going to grow. You've got like three or four colors going on there. You've got a really interesting thing happening. Oh, no, I ate spaghetti earlier, too. That's marinara. I didn't know people had beard goals. I didn't know that was a thing that... Like, if I were to look around and didn't know you guys,

I'd be like, oh, I'm surrounded by three homeless guys, not three goal-oriented people. Oh, yeah. My goal is for them to at some point in time look like a real beard, and I haven't gotten there yet. I've been around for 72 years. We're far from homeless.

We've got a lot of money. Let's all take a fucking field trip to the ATM. That's my big statement. And then I'll kill myself. So what is this movie, Steve? What is this part in this movie? I don't know. I just play a dude with a beard. He just really wanted you to be a bearded version of you.

What if there's a nude scene or something and you don't know about it? Well, then I better grow this really fast to cover up a lot of horrible shit that's going on below the chin. That's why he asked you to start growing. Maybe it is. Holy shit. He wants you to

ZZ Top all the way down to the end of that thing. I wish I could, man. Speaking of nude scenes, Ricky. What? You told me you have to do one Yeah, in like two weeks Oh my god Which is why I can't eat any of those cupcakes

It makes me really sad That's why you're like walking around in every day I know, it's so boring Working out is so hard and it's so boring I don't like it I don't know how the girls I don't get it though I know, I know

Those kids who just got their heads chopped off by a warlord yesterday I don't know how the girls I don't get it I know I know I know Those Those kids who just got Their heads chopped off By a warlord yesterday Should shut the fuck up Stop whining They probably should have Exercised more

They could have got away Oh my god We should So mean I'm kidding Working out is hard look at my body it's not that bad

sorry it's not bad yeah I'm doing the whole the full Monty I'm doing the whole yeah yeah but it's in it's in a humorous movie though

yeah so you know it won't be that bad probably right it won't be like are there going to be like kazoos coming out of your uh out of my vagina that's what i imagine a kazoos or cousins kazoos that's like kazoos you might have that's the guy for it's the great hello Hello, dumb-dumb. That's what... I'd rather... It's way weirder if gazoos came out

than huzzoos. That's what I mean. Yeah, a few of them flew out. I did just say gazoos. Oh, boy. K's and G's sound weird to me, I guess. I screw them up. But did you know that...

It's like being colorblind. Did you know that Garfunkel notes have a song where they use gazoos? No, I didn't know that. Yeah, it's called Fuck You. Wait a second it's like i just set him up or something yeah people don't know how to play them though they think you blow into them but you don't you come into them you hum yeah why are you naked in a

comedy movie that's what i want to know like that naked ladies aren't hilarious to me they're like like that naked ladies aren't hilarious to me they're like like naked guys are funny and then naked ladies

are like sexy well this is like inappropriate nudity and it's like a family situation where I'm not supposed to be naked so that's why

it's funny ah okay I just wanted to spoil your future movie why are you doing this part was Malin Ackerman

busy that's what I was thinking she's getting naked all the time. She's the comedy actress who's also naked most of the time. Well, now it's me. So watch out. The torch has been passed.

I don't think all naked guys are funny. Michael Fassbender, did you laugh when you saw this? No. No, I felt shame when I saw it. I know. That penis. Oh, my God. I've had dreams about that penis.

Just the penis. Yeah. One person's dream is another person's nightmare. You really liked the size of that penis? Yes, I did. I really appreciate everything about that penis. We tell dick jokes and not vagina jokes so much is the point. Right.

I don't know what you're saying. I just wanted to bring up Michael Fassbender's giant cock. and not vagina jokes so much is the point. Right. No, totally. I get what you're saying. No, I was kidding. I just wanted to bring up Michael Fassbender's giant cock. I tell vagina jokes. Yeah, when has an exposed vagina ever been a punchline?

Has there ever been a funny scene in a movie where you see a vagina? Malin Ackerman. When she did that Ben Stiller movie, she pulls down her pants and has those big blonde pubes

that just pop out and then she pees on them. It was always funny. That was hilarious. It was always funny in the movies in health class when you were in high school. That was really funny. This is the vulva.

It seats four comfortably. Let's just go down the line really quick so Steve brought the script that was an awesome thing to bring and Brett brought the Dodger thing yeah I was at the opener today I'm not really a baseball fan but I was there

with somebody who had amazing seats and so you wanted to give people your memory. And I wanted to make people feel bad that they weren't there. Like, here's what I did today, now you can have it. Any Dodgers fans in the audience? The stuff I'd throw in the garbage on my way home is now in the prize bag. Hey, what's trash to me is treasure to one of these people, right? Whenever I play in South Dakota,

there's TV ads for a thing called Benson's Flea Market. And their theme song is One man's trash is another man's treasure. Exactly. Benson's Flea Market. No, I would keep it. I would keep it.

But I thought it would be nice for any baseball fans out there. Dodgers fans. Why don't you give him your sweaty hat? Well, that's a different kind of fan. It's a nice baseball hat. That's a way too eager Brett Gelman fan. And Shane brought the keychains

of Jesus and Buddha. Those are awesome. Yeah. Don't you have like a CD or something? Yeah, I do have a CD and I never remember to bring it. What's it called? Is it called Jesus and Buddha Keychains? Those are awesome. Yeah. Don't you have like a CD or something? Yeah, I do have a CD. Yeah, that would have been good. I never remember to bring it. What's it called?

Is it called Jesus and Buddha Keychains? No, it's called Jokes to Make My Parents Proud. And they don't make them proud at all. But yeah, you just booked me for this today. And so I needed to come here. And then also I need to stop for gas. Gas and prize bag stuff yeah i afterwards i could make up a better story if you'd like but this is what actually happened um and then uh and then i saw well as i was checking out because you said bring trinkets so i was like oh those are trinkets

and they were like really cheap so i bought them yeah i just haven't settled on the right word to say like when i say schwag that just sounds like i want you to bring something that you got for free which is can be a good thing sometimes so i screwed up not all the time brett but sometimes it's a good thing tell people to bring their merch bring their own merch yeah bring your own merch but then some people don't have merch yeah yeah i have merch i could bring merch what do you sell huh what do you sell here where do you sell stuff do you just hang out outside of places where your work is being shown and fake people's homes gelman beards fake beards made out of my pubic hair

fake beards made out of my pubic hair. You know what? Put the microphone down. I don't know what I was thinking earlier when I told you to pick it up. Well, there's not many of them. Yeah, you don't have merch. You'd know if you have merch.

Steve doesn't have any. I have a CD. I chose not to bring it. Instead, I thought I'd bring hope into people's lives. That's some serious merch. Jesus, I hear Jesus does lots of good things. Throw it on your keychain. You'll drive safer or something like that.

And then Buddha, if you're into going to hell. You got the name of your CD, so You got the plug in either way. That's the important thing. You're also helping out Southern Girl Desserts by bringing the cupcakes, Ricky. Yes, because Shane did not give those to me backstage. I did not forget to bring anything.

She forgot to bring stuff. I was telling her last week, Kate McEwchie brought their entire collection. It was an awesome prize to give people. This week, Ricky just shows up, and she's just like, I've been hiking a lot. I've got to be naked in the movie. So would you like me to explain your gift?

Yeah, I would. So then, I was driving, and I was like, ah, I got a Jesus and a Buddha keychain for these people. And I felt a little bad about that because Jesus is all about guilting people and whatnot. And so then I was like, oh, people love cupcakes. That's way better than Jesus.

So then I got those. And Jesus is better than cupcakes. It works out nice when somebody brings too much stuff. So then I gave them to her. But they're really nice. Thank you. Yeah, it's perfect. Kate's more thoughtful than I am. I also have

a pass to the VIP party that was on the field after the show. Yeah, but that's already happened. That's what I'm saying. All this stuff happened today. Ever hear of lying?

Yeah, I went to this. It was fun. I bet I have a receipt in my wallet from something I bought earlier. If that's what we're doing now. Have you been to the movies lately, Brett Gilman? I haven't been to a film in a bit.

What was the last movie I saw? Holy shit. We'll come back to you. Steve Agee? The last movie I saw was 21 Jump Street. Okay, back to Brett. That was the last movie I saw. That was the last movie I saw.

Really fucking funny. It is. Very funny. I laughed my ass off. Yeah, I liked it a lot. Chris Parnell. He was amazing. Dr. Spaceman?

Chris Parnell was... He plays Dr. Spaceman. Was it Dr. Spaceman? The, Chris Parnell was... He plays Dr. Spaceman on 30 Rides. Was it Dr. Spaceman? Was that his? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Dr. Spacheman. Yeah. That whole, uh... But Tracy O'Morgan always goes,

Dr. Spaceman! Right, right. I fucking love it. Tracy, you are going to die when you hear who I'm dating so funny they show that episode every time I'm on a plane for some reason

but yeah 21 Jump Street we've already you know I wish I could you know it's not in the top two anymore but I've been telling people to watch it instead of pretty much anything else what's in the top two? right now it's Hunger Games and American Pie oh you watched the new American Pie. Oh,

you liked the new American Pie. I did not. Oh. Top two at the box office. Oh, top two at the box office. Not with you.

Right, right, right. Sorry. The top two movies in my opinion this year are 21 Jump Street and The Grey.

I'm just kidding. I haven't seen The Grey yet. But, no, The Raid is the best movie yeah the ring i heard that that's great it's amazing yeah but guy that sells me weed saw it and uh and he was he was happy that he did happy that he saw it or the conversation i have when i go into the dispensary

you guys like i saw the raid i was like yeah I was like, yeah. He was like, yeah. So what do you want? Like an eighth of the tangerine? Yeah. It'd be pretty weird if he sold you the raid. If the weed was called raid. It was named the raid. Redemption. The weed was... Raid redemption. That is a good name for weed.

I keep saying there needs to be a strain of weed called the Benson interruption. Oh, yeah. I say a good name for weed. I keep saying there needs to be a strain of weed called the Benson Interruption. Oh, I like that. I say that a lot. It should be an indica. You should just smoke it and just pass out. Fucking Benson Interruption. I never know which kind is which.

You know, the sativa is more of an up kind of thing. And indica can make you sleepy. I just trust the girl at my store. She's like, how do you want to feel? I'm like, good, I guess.

She's like, okay. I want to feel not creeped out by people like you. That's what you gotta say next time. Yeah.

It's like recommending a wine. You know, you always go, oh, that sounds good. Yes, I do like them. Yeah, yeah. I like it when it has a good nose.

Yeah, I like oaky ones. Yeah, oaky ones are the shit. Yeah. Do you find, though, when you're in this? Shitty ones are the oak. Do you find when you're in the store, though, and you have too long of a conversation about the weed that it kind of makes you want to quit smoking weed?

Because you feel like an idiot? Yeah, I don't get into it too much. They always bring out the things that you can look at through a microscope or whatever. And they open it up and you smell it and stuff. I'm always just like, I just fake my way through all that.

Let me ask you about this weed right here. Is it going to get me high? Then they go, yeah, that'll get you high. I'm like, perfect. Shopping is over. What have you seen lately sean oh my uh it's shane again um that's okay um it's uh i know you did that on purpose um uh by the way i've been smoking uh george bush kush lately that's Bush Kush lately. That's what my last little vial called the weed. It's very medical sounding. What a weird thing to name

weed after. George Bush. Just because it rhymes with Kush? I guess so. It lulls you to sleep while it attacks Iraq. I think it's like, screw you, George Bush. You wouldn't like this happening right now oh yeah so in your face

we named it after you because it would bother you that we did that it's like that Santorum dildo I'm coming out with but I recently saw on my flight in from Canada the other day I saw Sherlock Holmes 2, and that was fine.

Game of Shadows? Yeah. It was pleasant. It was a pretty shadowy game. It was fine. And then I started watching a little bit of the Super Heroes documentary, and I liked it a lot, but I fell asleep. A documentary about

real ones? Yeah. The superheroes. It's actually called Superheroes. Yeah. So I watched that. It's about real people that fight crime? Yeah. And some of them are like real sad people. And then other

ones. So it's like a little bit King of Kong and then some of the guys are like oh i kind of respect that guy's uh attitude with life but i fell uh i fell asleep and i was on the george bush kush so i i didn't get through it i haven't been to an actual movie theater since even before the last time i was on which was months ago so it's still thor was the last movie that I've seen in a theater. Keep us updated about if you ever do go to a theater again. Yeah, I might one of these days. I'm going to. When you can watch one of those beautiful airplane screens,

why would you fuck around with anything else? Yeah, exactly. I'm going to see the Batman and the Hobbit for sure this year. And that's my two. I wish that was one movie. Batman versus the Hobbit. The Batman and The Hobbit for sure this year. That's my two. I wish that was one movie. Batman versus The Hobbit. The Batman and The Hobbit. Because that's the only way

you can really get me excited about The Hobbit. Really? As if The Batman's also going to be there. But you like The Lord of the Rings. You fucking Hobbits. You're not excited about The Hobbit? I'm sorry. I'm not up to date with your Hobbit views.

I'm just like, I think the Lord of the Rings movies are all great. Like, they're really well done. You know, but I don't like, like, for instance, I'm not a, like, Game of Thrones person. I don't watch that. I like Game of Thrones.

Something about medieval stuff and fantasy and that, it's like, it's not a genre I rule out. It's just, like, probably my absolute a genre I rule out. It's just like probably my absolute least favorite. Alright. Alright. Fair enough. And that's after fucking war movies and movies about ladies. My favorite fantasy

movies are the ones that have lots of ladies in them. Is war better or worse than lady movies? It's worse because it generally doesn't have ladies in it. That's how my whole thing maps out. The more you get away from ladies, when you get into a bunch of hobbits on a quest and there's no ladies,

that's when I'm least interested. But on the other hand... Well, Games of Thrones has lots and lots of titties. It does, but they're so dirty. Like if they would just... If they would just bathe once in a while and not have all those weird scabs and shit. So if you saw a bunch of elven ladies

washing their titties in the middle of The Hobbit, that'd be... Gold star. Gold star time. But I was going to say, on the other hand, Glen Gary Glen Ross is the most exciting movie to me that doesn't have any ladies in it.

That's as good as a man movie can get, in my opinion. Oh, I saw something awesome. I actually re-watched it recently. This just popped into my head. Everyone needs to see it. No one's ever heard of it. Ever heard of the documentary Cat Dancers?

No. It's amazing. There you go. Cat Dancers. I want to know. You want to know a little bit? Gelman seems intrigued also. Is it cats who dance?

Dancers who act like cats. It's these weirdo ballerinas. This one really flamboyant gay man who's a ballerina, but back then you couldn't be gay, and so he married this other ballerina lady, and then they do this ballerina act, and gymnast stuff around everywhere,

and then they get old, and they can't do it anymore and make as much money, and so someone gives them a lion to bring into their show, and so then they just start buying all these spoilers no this is just the beginning yeah all cat dancers they just start buying all these lions and they don't know a goddamn thing about lions and so then then the guys like there's a there's a quote this is in

the beginning the guys like well so then we realized that New York City studio apartment probably wasn't the best place to keep four lions. It's amazing. Seems like that movie should have been called Oops. It's really, really good. That is not a good decision. Yeah. The movie's full of really bad decisions, and it's

hilarious. Then again, right in bad decisions and it's hilarious. Then again, right in the subway, you're too different. And there's no titties. I mean, you don't have to... No, that sounds sexy enough for me. I'm good. I don't just need boobs. Just titties, though.

One of the ballet dancers is... I'm sure you get some nice lion titties. Just titties, though. One of the ballet dancers is... I'm sure you get some nice lion titties. Right? Ricky, please. What? Just start talking. I saw the Muppets. You saw the Muppets just recently?

Just recently, yeah. And did you have fun? Yeah, Kate and I had a slumber party, and we had cookies and milk. You guys are so adorable that someone needs to put pillows on your faces. We were in a hotel and we had cookies and milk delivered to the room

and we watched The Muppets and loved it. Well, I think I would love it too if I was watching it in a hotel room with you guys. You gotta sell, yeah. We like to make an event out of everything. But it wasn't like, you didn't sit like staring at every moment you like we're having fun with each other and jumping around about it dipping our cookies yeah oh what backup doing girly stuff practicing nude scenes yeah yeah with your dirty now you come in the room

in the room and act awkward. I probably will practice in front of her. She can tell me which angle not to stand at. I probably will. Girls are so great with seeing each other naked. Naked? Yes! Bazoo!

Or whatever I said earlier. But on a totally real note, this is going to be kind of gross, but what do you do if you have your period and you have to do a nude scene? That's the thing that's been plaguing me at night. Because I think it's going to line up. Why wouldn't production give you a call

and be like, where are you at? In your cycle. Oh my God. You know what I mean? But is it really that bad? If you show up that day... It could be a problem. You know what I mean? Yeah. But is it really a show up? If you show up that day, it could be a problem. You know,

I have something interesting about that I was just reading about. During, all of those in-flight magazines. Listen, I,

I read a lot about the female cycle, everybody. No, there's, during, they've done all these tests and during ovulation, women, during, they've done all these tests, and during

ovulation, women there, when you're about to ovulate, your waist size shrinks a half an inch and your breasts become more symmetrical. And your skin clears up. And so if you can time that, when you have to do the nude scene. I will call the producer and let them know when I'm ovulating.

How do you know when you're ovulating? Is that your experience? First of all, you walk with a limp. Do you have to be fully nude? Like full frontal nude? Yeah. Like no bottoms either?

If you hit your period, I suggest going to the director or producers that morning and going, I had an idea. Can my character

get shot in the crotch? Can my character get shot in the crotch? Can my character have a teabag in her vagina? That she's saving for some other time? Oh, bloody vagina. Hey, how about this? How about I wear my underwear or I fucking kill you? Or you could time your ovulation. It might seem like more reasonable.

It's ten days after you're done menstruating. Oh, really? So if you change your... I can't believe Dr. Sean Moss is here. Just take off your robe. It's when... It's when... Listen, women... Listen.

This is very important information to know. Women ovulate 10 or 11 days after menstruating. And five days before that, that's how long sperm can live in the system. So women tend to start getting hornier and hornier until they ovulate, because their body goes, I want a baby!

And so they start looking better and everything. So, guys, if you know that, it's a great time to take a lady on a date or whatever. So she's hornier then. So then our boobs become asymmetrical after that? said they're more symmetrical yes and then they just change shape after that and yeah you know like when you're like when you pms and you start bloating and everything like that like every woman wait so wait like 10 days after what? After my uterine wall shake is binding. You have to go up to a girl

and be like, so when did you last bleed? And then it's ten days after. Let me preface this by saying I'm in this for me. Five days after. When did you bleed? When did you bleed? when did you bleed?

I'm not talking about five days after that five days after that they start getting wrapped up and then for five days it's a subconscious thing so if you want to have a one night stand you should ask the girl if she's ovulating

because then it's more likely but she won't know you should ask her when was the last time you bled because she'll know that which is a great pick up line for a one night stand. Hi.

Look, first off, I'm not a serial killer. Second off, are you ovulating right now? Could you have worn those white pants

five days ago? And it's also great, I love a one night stand where I'm at the most risk of getting the girl I'm having the one night stand with pregnant. That's awesome. Wear a condom, you maniac.

That's fantastic. You're just going raw dog on one night stands? Of course I will. I'm in a relationship now, but when I was single, boy, no. Condoms break. Alright, well, yeah. They disappear, too. Oh mean I don't advocate any of this risky behavior okay

well I appreciate that I appreciate the disclaimer and it's we got to move on because we're running really late after all that intense movie talk. But that was an insider movie conversation because that is interesting. Like, you know, they had to know, like Julianne Moore in Shortcuts, that scene where she's got a bush hanging out for like 10 minutes. Like, you know they must have talked to her about the possibility of that happening right she's a redhead though also how about this i'll say this i'll say this. I'll say this. Periods are not disgusting. They're a natural thing that happens to the woman's body.

I agree. Nice. I mean, it's not like a nosebleed, is it? You have a little bit of time once you unclog the... I think if you got a chute, you could just be like, pop it out for a second, and then you'd be done. It is like a nosebleed. It is like a nosebleed.

You just have to put it up in the air. Okay. You just have to get that vagina up. I'll just hold it? It is like a nosebleed. I can just hold it for the shoot? You just have to put it up in the air. Okay. You just have to get that vagina up above your... I'll just invert it, and then I'll hold it in while I'm shooting. Yeah, hold it in. No, like how dudes ask for... I hope the director goes, can you hold it in? Yeah.

I hope that's what the director says. How guys have fluffers, you could have a leg holder while you stand on your hands. Oh my god. Or someone just underneath me with a bucket. That's like the opposite of the movie Carrie. The bucket's on the ground. Full circle. We're back to movies.

I feel like you guys take my good ideas and then add buckets and leg holdings to them. And that sounds crazy. Hey, does anyone hunger for games? I do. We only have time for one now, but it's the one. It's the Leonard Maltin game. Does anybody have a name tag in the audience? Oh, there's quite a few.

If you guys could go grab whoever you want to play for. Oh, Girl Scout Cookies. That's a sneaky approach. Oh my god, those are tasty. If it were up to me whoever you want to play for. Oh, Girl Scout Cookies. That's a sneaky approach. Oh, my God. Those are tasty. If it were up to me, I would totally pick that. Ricky's already back in her seat with hers. She's got a Zach the Block.

I saw a good one. This is played before, right? Oh, sorry. Watch it. Careful. Attack the Block is now a Zach the Block. And your name's not a Zach. It's just Zach, right?

Can't we call him a Zach? We can. Let's call him a Zach. Yeah. It's like a Z's, but a Zach the Block. And your name's not a Zach. It's just Zach, right? Can't we call him a Zach? We can. Let's call him a Zach. Yeah. It's like a Z's, but a Zach. I like it. Oh, no. All right.

What are you? Oh. Oh. Look at that. I should call her and ask her what she did during that shoot. Oh, my God. That's ridiculous. She had her period.

Hustler Magazine with an interview with me in it. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jordan's baseball. It's mostly. Oh,'s baseball. It's mostly... Oh my gosh. It's really weird. It's like they took these pictures of me

with this weird little dwarf thing and then like a Santa outfit but with a weave coming out of the back. Because I know this is the picture you guys wanted me to show out of this magazine. All right, so who are you playing for? What's the name of the person who brought the magazine? It's Bobby Labonte.

Is that right? Bobby Labonte. That's an awesome name, isn't it? Labonte? I think that's kind of cool. Yeah, we try not to bring last names into it. Oh, really? I forgot about that.

Brett Gelman grabbed the cookies. Yeah, I grabbed the cookies. I know where he works as well. We've got three minutes to play this game. So let's just stay on track. Cal for me. Cal with a hat that says Pick Me on it. And the colors of the hat,

those are the international colors for I Smoke Weed, right? Rasta, man. The Rasta look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, cool. Let's just... I just have to decide who we're going to start with let's start with ricky and go to steve and then to brett and shane because i think that's the order of most recently played and those people tend to know how to play better than those who haven't played recently. Austin was like, how long ago was that?

It was like last summer, right? That was October. October. You know, that's my summer. No, that was November. It was November, you're right. It wasn't summer at all. It was early November. It wasn't even Indian summer.

It was a nice night. It was not summer. Alright, Ricky, you get to pick a category. It's Steven nice night. It was not summer. All right, Ricky, you get to pick a category. Okay. It's Steven Seagal's birthday today. So, yeah,

the films, not the movies, the films of Steven Seagal. At Dustin Correal, C-O-R-R-E-A-L-E, suggested Don't Stop Bereavin',

and that's movies that have funerals in them. And then at Mr. Steven Pike suggested Seinfeld, which is movies that have a cast member from Seinfeld in them. What do you want? Seagal, funerals, or Seinfeld? Don't Stop Breathing.

This movie has a funeral in it at some point. It's from 1994. Leonard gives it three stars. He calls it delightful and he also says that it's fun I'll give you one more thing it has a fine ensemble yeah it's delightful as a fine ensemble. It's fun. And there are, speaking of ensemble, he lists 13 names. I can name it in 12 names. That's a great opening bid. We go to

Steve Agee. Let's say 8. 8? Is what he said. Brett? Zero. Zero. Wow. Do you know what to do here Sean name it you know you can go to negative names right yeah I'm not I'm not definitely not Shane doesn't want to

chance it so he says name it four weddings in a funeral that's correct Is it Tara or Tara that brought the cookies? Tara. Tara, okay. I'll get it wrong every time. Good luck, cookies. Congratulations, but nicely played all around. Everybody did what they were supposed to do, and I appreciate that.

So this time we'll start with Ricky again, but we'll go straight at Shane from Ricky. And Ricky gets to pick a category between these options. Would you like four-letter movie titles like SWAT, Paul, Milks, Bun? That's all the examples I can think of. In theaters now, that's movies that are in theaters now. Or Razzie winners, that's movies that have won the Razzie for worst,

or in their case, I guess, best worst movie of the year. Razzie winners. Okay. Would you like a Razzie winner from 88 or 99? 99. The 1999 Razzie winner. Leonard gave it one and a half stars, so he likes it better than the Razzies did,

but certainly not by much. He calls this movie Leaden in Every Way. And you can hear the banter landing with a thud every few minutes. So particularly mean, but then one and a half stars You'd think that would be a bomb

But anyway, 1999 And what was the category again? Oh, won the Razzie And there are So Leonard's pretty much in agreement with the Razzie's And there are seven, eight, nine, ten names So how many names do you think you can get it in? Nine names

I'll go eight Shane says eight. Brett? Seven. Seven. Seven. Yes, into the microphone, please. Six.

Name that movie. Oh. Fuck. What the fuck are you giggling? What if you giggle after you say it? Name it. All right, your six names are Sophia Eng Musetta Vander

Something like that Frederique Vanderwall She was a Victoria's Secret girl I think Bai Ling Oh, she's Asian Yeah

I'm guessing M. Emmett Walsh Oh shit Yeah And that was That was five How many did he get? Six

He get six names? Ted Levine What the fuck is this movie? Put the lotion in the basket Yeah well I know who he is Is he a Rupert Fackle? So yeah They're all in this movie that got a Razzie for the worst movie

of 1999. I don't know. No idea? Should I guess? Sure. Guess some shitty movie. Freddy Got Fingered? The rest of the names are Selma Hayek

Kenneth Branagh Kevin Kline and Will Smith Wild Wild West So the point goes to Ricky Yay Ricky I give that movie two stars You give it two stars?

Yeah I give it two stars So generous It's watchable because it's so crazy weird I give that movie two stars. You give it two stars? Yeah, I give it two stars. So generous. It's watchable because it's so crazy weird how racist Kenneth Branagh's character is in it. He's like, you coon! He's just saying all this racist shit right to a guy's face who's standing there with guns on his hips.

And then Kevin Smith's story about that with the spiders, I don't know if you ever heard that. No, no, we don't have time for it either. Sorry. Let's all Google that check it out later so Ricky challenged Steve and then he got it wrong so we'll start with Brett and then go to Steve okay Brett would you like to play These are some heavy categories Requiem for a Bean That's movies where Sean Bean dies

Or Seen Bean or Shane Bean If you prefer Rocky movies That's movies where an earthquake happens At some point during the film right and then at Werther w-i-r-t-e-r he suggested host protocol and that's movies where someone has a party I'm gonna say Requiem for a Bean okay

this Requiem for a Bean movie where Sean Bean dies is from 1995 Leonard gives it three stars he says about

this movie that it's wow he calls he says it has eye-popping stunts. And he also says about it that it is...

All these things give it away. Okay, I'll just say Mini Driver is in it. Mini Driver. Mini Driver. Well, I've definitely not seen this movie. Wait. I saw it and I don't remember Minnie Driver being in it. And there are 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,

10, 11, 12 names. I will take a risk. Oh, do I challenge? What? Do I say how many names? You picked a category, right? Yeah. Zero.

Zero names, he says. I can do it in ten names so I guess name that name that movie right Ronan for the win what Ronan that's shit. Yeah, it's GoldenEye. Yeah, was he in Ronin and died in it? I don't, he was in Ronin. Okay. I assume he didn't die. He doesn't die. He dies in like, I looked it up on the internet, he dies in like

10 or 15 films. Right. He died in Fellowship. People always kill that guy all the time. Alright, we got a tie between Ricky and Steve and Brett. Let's get this over with. Let's kill this fucker. So, Steve challenged Brett. So, that means we start with Ricky and go to Steve.

So, Ricky, would you like... go to Steve. So, Ricky, would you like... Would you like Everybody Dies? That's movies where everybody dies. Or At Diarrhea Volcano suggested... Bummer. Suggested

Dawn of the Dead, which is movies where Don Cheadle dies. Oh, that's bitchin'. Everybody's been obsessed with dying lately. I should lighten it up a little bit. So we'll also go with another installment of My Fife, and that's movies where somebody plays a flute

for some reason. I'm going to go with Everybody Dies. Okay, Everybody Dies at the end of this movie. It's from 2008. Three stars from Leonard. He says that this movie runs on pure adrenaline. And he also says that it's got some good shocks good shocks

runs on pure adrenaline good shocks 2008 everybody dies three stars and there are seven names listed I can name that in seven names laughter oh I love

when you bid giggle. Okay. So then we're going to Steve. I can name it in six names. I believed it, too. That was a really good bid giggle. Brett?

I can name it in five names. The worst giggle. That's a really disgusting giggle that you have. It's my giggles. It sounds unhealthy. It's my giggles. Shame, shame. I'm going to say name it.

Really? Yeah. All right. This is going to lead to either a four-way tie or the win for Brett Gellman. How many names did you say? Five. I was lost in this magical giggle. All right.

You should get that giggle checked out. I feel pretty good about it. Do you want the clues again? Brett? Yeah. 2008. Three stars from Leonard. Pure adrenaline. Something like that. I feel pretty good about it. Do you want the clues again? Brett? Yeah. 2008. Three stars from Leonard.

Pure adrenaline. Something like that. And then good shocks. And the five names are Chris Mulkey, Odette Hustman, Mike Vogel, Michael Stahl David, and TJ Miller. Oh. Ooh. and TJ Miller ooh

what is it you don't have any idea is it TJ what was oh man TJ Miller's been in about seven movies

total I know most of them not pure adrenaline everybody dies in the movie did everyone die and she's out of their league? she's out of your league? their league

oh oh oh oh oh oh what the fuck is the name of that movie? five seconds five, four, three two, one what the fuck was the name? movie. Five seconds. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. What the fuck was the name? Wait, what is it? We have a four-way tie. Oh, shit. What was it called again?

Cloverfield. Cloverfield. TJ's not going to be happy when he listens to it. The aliens don't die. What a moron. What is it? Clydesdales? Is that that movie where New York is attacked by Clydesdales? Is that that movie where New York is attacked by Clydesdales? It's all found footage

Oh no Oh that was fun Why would anybody name a movie like that? Alright we start with Steve and go to Ricky This is the tie breaking point We're going to get out of here. Steve, I will let you choose from any of the categories you've heard so far tonight, if you can remember any of them.

The Seinfeld one. Okay, Seinfeld. This movie's got one of the four main, you know, not Newman. This has got... This is got You know Jerry or Elaine or George or

Cosmo Kramer In it Two stars from Leonard It's from 1989 Is that what it says? Yeah, 89 And he says about this movie that the story is threadbare And he says about this movie that the story is threadbare.

And he also says that the star scripted it with the director. From 1989, two stars. And the category, of course, was... What was the category? Ciderpill. Okay. And there are 4, 5, 6, seven, eight, nine, ten Fourteen names How many names, Steve?

Five Name that movie Wow Fuck You have five names You want the clues again? Two stars, 1989. Story's threadbare.

Director scripted it. No, I don't want the clues again. You gotta wait for me to answer that. Director scripted it with the star. And you get four names, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. You might as well hear them. Sure.

Emo Phillips. Yep. Sue Ann Langton. Fran Drescher. And John Paragon. UHF. That's correct. The wind.

Human. Not Newman. Not Newman. Michael Richards, of course, was in that. And so Steve, I just gave Shane two points. That's wrong. Steve is our winner. And so you won for Cal. So Cal, could you come and get your bag of prizes and your cupcakes?

Don't forget your cupcakes. Enjoy. Thanks, Cal. Did they write the shitheads on the back of their... That one has one. Is there one on the back of that somewhere? Okay, you just come write it down over here,

sir. And then, Tara, where's your... Did you write a shithead on the back? Let's pass it down over here, sir. And then, Tara, where's your... Did you write a shit out on the back? Let's pass it down to the cookies. I'm going to keep them. What does that say? Uh-oh. Wait, why does Cal's hat come flying back in?

Does he have shit hats on there? No, he won't. Oh, he doesn't. He doesn't get shit. Sorry, Cal. He doesn't get sorry cal doesn't get head all right let me see what this one says all right these are pretty good i guess anything to plug steve really quick before we go uh bridgetown comedy this weekend and uh have a nice weekend guys

that's in Portland, Oregon. I'm going to be doing a bunch of shows there, too, as well. And, Brett, what do you got coming up? I'll be there, too. And then Eagle Heart premieres. Season 2 premieres on Thursday. Watch it. Nice.

On April 12th. That's Thursday, right? Yeah. Yeah, with Chris Elliott. Please watch it. Shane, what's up? Going to Portland with you guys. Oh, wow.

Everybody's going to Portland. And then, you got any other shows coming up? Or what's your website guys. Oh, wow. Everybody's going to Portland. And then you got any other shows coming up? Or what's your website called? ShaneMoss.com or ShaneComedy.com. Yeah, yeah. You've got a whole thing on there where you explain to dudes when they should ask a girl out. Yeah. For the maximum bonage and also maximum baby potential.

Yes. And Ricky, what's the name of that movie that you got to do that scene for? Hell Baby. Hell Baby. Tom Lennon and Robert Ben Grant are directing it? Yeah, and Rob Corddry's in it. That's who I have my scene with. That's awesome.

Oh, wait, I don't know if I'm supposed to say that. Oh, well. Spoiler. Oh, well. Did Rob Corddry get to look at you naked all day? Yeah. Are you going to jump into a robe in between takes, or are you going to just keep it out there the whole day Like some weirdos do

I'm going to jump into a robe The real surprise will be on Rob Corddry if you have your period Garfunkel knows he's playing Meltdown on the 18th And then we're doing Bonnaroo whenever that is May 18th April 18th April 18th Meltdown here in Los Angeles And then in June I think it's like around the 8th, 9th and 10th

At Bonnaroo. Oh, I forgot a couple. Oh, what else you got? My podcast, Galmania. Oh, yes, of course. The new episode is coming out

sometime this week, I believe. If not next week. And I'll be on The Office on Thursday as well. Oh, nice. Yeah, and Ricky also has a podcast called making it yep kids on the Nerdist channel and I just shit my pants

I tour from clubs and colleges all over the country okay and I'll be at the brain improv on Monday April 16th with aforementioned Graham Elwood. And the Action Fest is going on in Asheville, North Carolina this weekend.

So go to that if you can. And thanks again to my guests and thank you guys. As always, as always, Andrew,

Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber is a shithead. Hugh Hiffner is a shithead. Hugh Hefner is a shithead. And Jordan's baseball is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing crowd was big. Zip, cocky, there's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies.