Doug Loves Movies - Steve Lemme, Kevin Heffernan, and John DiMaggio? Guest

Episode Date: January 8, 2013

Doug welcomes Broken Lizard members Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan to the show, and they all wonder if third guest John DiMaggio (Bender on Futurama) will ever arrive...See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates any rapper screaming baby's dick. He sees it if he has a club or a turtle in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see. Because Doug loves movies. Hey everybody. My name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you at a new, earlier, happier hour

at the UCB Theater in L.A. on Tuesday, January 8th. Wait for it! Woo! To Oceanceans 13! I hear you guy who said I should say to Apollo 13. I hear you.

I acknowledge you. But, uh, I just, like, some people find it absolute torture that it's gonna be another year of that shit. And I love that about it. Be sure to check us out at 7 o'clock here each Tuesday this month.

If you're in the L.A. area, I made some bookings today that you guys are going to dig. It's going to be some really fun shows, including this one tonight. And of course, if you have a ticket, who here tonight has a ticket for Put Your Hands Together? Put Your Hands Together if you have a ticket for Put Your Hands Together.

Alright, great. So you guys can stay in those exact same seats or move into even better ones if you want. That's how it's going to work every week and they've got great lineups so it's going to be awesome. I'm happy to say that Douglas Movies, the taping that I'm doing this Saturday in Bellevue, Washington,

at Parlor Live is sold out already, but you can hear it for free soon-ish, maybe around Monday or so. I'll be doing stand-up at the Sacramento Punchline on Sunday, January 20th at 7 o'clock, and at Douglas Movies Taping on January 21st at 4.20. Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. Past and future guest Kurt Braunahler K-U-R-T-B-R-A-U-N-ahler

Oh wait, T-L-E-R. On Twitter, he tweeted, Just saw The Hobbit. Apparently goblins choose their king according to who has the biggest nutsack as a chin. This has been Tweet Relief. Tweets about movies. That fucking chin disgusted me.

I was obsessed with it, but I didn't think of a tweet. Didn't think of such a sweet tweet. San Francisco, I'll be doing four movie interruptions over the course of this year's SF sweet tweet. San Francisco, I'll be doing four movie interruptions over the course of this year's SF Sketch Fest. The first weekend, January 26th and 27th, I'll be interrupting Catwoman and Anaconda.

Which, that should be the name of a movie. With very special guests. Douglasmovies.com is where you can go for all the details and links and whatnot. And from the corrections department, it was Beat Street, not Beat City, Graham Elwood. All right. He's not going to hear that.

Doesn't matter. Prize bag includes some posters for some motion pictures that are signed by some of the folks that made those motion pictures. And then, you know, the kind of crap that I bring. I've got a Doug Loves Movies button, a t-shirt, a smug life, and copies of, for your reading pleasure, the screenplays of Zero Dark Thirty and, of course, Lincoln. Wait, that's not the screenplay. That's super thin. No, that's not the screenplay. That's super thin. No, this is just pictures of things.

Look, the Civil War. That kind of thing. That's the sort of crap they send you to try to get you to vote for it. I mean, I think Lincoln was probably the best screenplay, so I'll probably vote for that, the WGA thing, if I remember to do it on the right day or whatever. Also, there's also kind of a missing item from the bag because one of the guests has thus far not arrived.

And it's someone who's never been on the show before, so I didn't know it was at 7 o'clock thing. That excuse won't work. But we'll see if he shows up at all, but I will introduce everybody as if they're here. Please welcome, on the first show here at UCB of the New Year, Steve Lemme, Kevin Heffernan, and John DiMaggio. Which ones are here? Come on out, fellas. Oh, sorry.

I didn't tell you about the crazy door. Hello. So, of course, Steve brought posters from Broken Lizard movies. Yeah, let's see which ones we've got. Well, that one is actually not from a Broken Lizard movie. Okay, but this is a... That's from our live show. It's like a plug for what you're doing.

That's our stand-up comedy show right there. Yeah, that's us. I feel like it's dated, though, now. Don't you think? Do you think it's out of time? We shot it back in June when that fucking... But that joke was hot then. That was a hot joke back then. Yeah. No, that fucking... But that joke was hot then. That was a hot joke back then.

Even with your faces over the mother and child, it's still pretty sexy. It's a pretty sexy Time magazine cover. The problem is I had these made up myself and I stared at these images for so long. Sometimes, you know how you have those

reactions or psychological things you can't control? And I kept always imagining the way Kevin's nipple tasted. Like vanilla. Thank you, Steve. Thank you very much for that. There you go. Beer fest. Beer fest. When is bong fest?

Next one will be pot fest, and then we're going to shoot Fuckfest No way It's going to be a trilogy? I'm so excited We looked at that one already and then the third one is

what is it? Super Troopers? Club Dread? The underrated Club Dread I want to say by the way I really enjoyed that movie I don't know if you said

but they're autographed by all the guys. All the guys. All the boys. Yeah, there you go. Jay, who's been on this show before, and will hopefully be on again sometime. Yeah. Applaud this swag. It's good, right? Now,

first time guest, John DiMaggio, Bender, the voice of Bender on Futurama, and a hilarious nice guy texted me yesterday sorry I can't make it and then the very next text

oh yeah I can make it and then and here we are so I don't know what do you think though like what are the odds I don't know why he didn't show up

I just I think it might just be traffic you know that that old ploy? Which is hard to pull off in Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah. You should give yourself enough time.

That's what I did. You guys were super early. I was here at 6.35. Very impressive. Right on. It's here for Steve. Parked at Gelson's. I had a specific question for each of you that I will ask right now.

Kevin. Yes, sir. What was that stuff you were rolling around in in the sperm bag high scene in The Babymakers? That was Jay Chandrasekhar's sperm. It was his sperm. Yeah. We had a sperm wrangler on the set.

I thought his sperm was all, like, chocolatey. It is. It tastes like curry. His sperm tastes like curry. I really wanted some, like, you know, Universal Studios Tour kind of inside info on, like, that you use cream rinse. It was lotion. It was, like, hand lotion. Like soft soap?

Yeah. So, like like I drove home and my skin was very soft that night after shooting. I imagine if it had been J. Sperm the same would be true.

It probably would. It probably would. And I'd be pregnant. But now you've, that's interesting to hear because I know that something you have going with your wife

is that like she is, is this lotion-y thing. No, no. She's got a thing that like for years she was trying to convince you to use moisturizing cream.

Yeah, I won't do it. And you won't do it. No, I won't do it. So like he's got super dry elbows and knees. Yeah. Especially this time of year. It's terrible.

But so now like did she was she did she notice the difference in your skin or was she No, she said I smelled like J. Chandrasekhar's semen. That's weird. Did she notice the difference in your skin? No, she said I smelled like J. Chandrasekhar's semen. That's weird. That's a weird thing to say.

I don't know. I'm sorry I brought it up. I do want to mention that the poster is because the two of you go out on tour together and you've got not only a bunch of dates coming up, but also on Netflix, people will be able to see a special of your stand-up

that you do together. Yeah, we've been doing a two-man show for about two years now. And we shot it this past summer and it'll be on Netflix January, February, or March. Yeah. They haven't told us the exact date yet. All right.

Q1. Q1 they told us, us yeah that's showbiz jargon quarter first quarter first quarter first quarter yeah okay I picked the right time to get stoned for the first time on stage oh you've never been stoned on stage? Actually, one time in Fort Lauderdale we were doing a show and I got stoned like six hours before. And it was the only time I've ever completely blanked on stage. And it was because my wife's parents

were in the crowd. And I was all stoned and I came out brazen and was like, I'm gonna do it fucking extra dirty for your parents tonight. And then I went blank and literally forgot everything. So I haven't gotten stoned on stage since then. Well, remembering stuff isn't really important

on this show. It's really more like just what you know now. Just be in the moment and you should be fine. Do you guys, with your busy making all these movies and stuff and touring,

and families, I'm guessing, do you get to see many movies? I have a 15-month-old baby at home, so I haven't been, really, I haven't been to the movies. I saw Django at the theater. When you say just the first name, it sounds more like a parlor game

than a motion picture. It's because I'm pompous. That's why I do that. I saw Django. I saw Unchained. No, no, but I love the screeners. The screeners come, they're great for a new dad.

Like Zero Dark Thirty, I watched. Oh, yeah, you must have been so excited when Jang Unch showed up in your mailbox. I haven't gotten that one. I keep getting ones I already have. Like today I opened up yet another Silver Linings playbook. I didn't even like that movie. Oh, you didn't?

I'm really angry at it. I liked it a lot. You know, it's fun if you're in the mood for constant yelling. It's a lot of yelling. Everyone is yelling at each other. Like the police have to arrive to say, could you guys stop yelling at each other. The police have to arrive to say, could you guys stop yelling at each other? It's like, the police never show up

when he's screaming and yelling and raging. True. But some of the yelling's funny, though. Some of the yelling's funny. It's kind of amusing. It's amusing. Sexy people who have mental issues. That's fun.

I thought the acting was terrific in that film. Sure. They sold it. I liked De Niro. He was hilarious. They're saying by the time this plops and people are listening to it, De Niro may have been nominated

for a supporting actor Oscar. They're expecting him to go to all three of the elite. Poor Jackie Weaver from Animal Kingdom. Right. She's not going to get a nomination. Right. Because her character, her reaction to everything was just to have really wide eyes.

Right. About everything. Sure. She was pretty amazed by all of it. Yeah. Like, what the fuck am I doing in this movie? Trying to do, I think she's Australian. She's movie trying to do i think she's australian australian i think she's australian yeah so that was a terrible impression it was good it was good

but yeah so you get the screeners that's nice and arg argo argo yeah i go fuck yourself yeah that's the big line in the movie i'm gonna watch skyfall tonight i was just thinking with Argo Fuck Yourself, finally we have a catchphrase from a movie with the word

fuck in it. Yeah. Because catchphrases have been too family friendly all these years. It should be I'm as mad as fuck

and I'm not going to take it anymore. I think we need a fucking bigger boat. A fucking bigger fucking boat. How about that? That's right.

Let's go to town. Biggest fucking boat you got? I'll take it. Argo, fuck yourself. That amazes me that people can walk around saying that. They should have put that

on the poster. What balls it would have taken for Warner Brothers to put that on the poster. Argo, fuck yourself. They just might still for the post-awards season reissue. You know if Ben Affleck wins an award,

everyone's going to be waiting for him to say that in his speech. Sure, I hope he does. Or like Alan Arkin or something. Yeah, Arkin will totally say that. He'll do it. Oh, go fuck yourself. I've never tried to do Alan Harkin before.

It's good. I love it. If I make a fake movie, it's going to be a fake hit. What else have you seen lately, Kevin? Wreck-It Ralph. Oh, nice. Let me ask John DiMaggio, you're a voice in Wreck-It Ralph. Oh, he was?

Yeah, could you do a little of that for us? What was the voice? He was Beard Papa. Trying to remember that. Yeah, right? I don't think he had a lot to say. He's no Alan Tudyk's. He's the bad guy in that movie. Yeah, yeah.

He was good. He's King Candy. Yeah, King Candy. Did you see it? There's a lot of correlations between Wreck-It Ralph and Django and Jane. Django?

Yeah, I'm starting to realize they're both kind of about somebody trying to help somebody that's kind of enslaved. Yes. Very enslaved. Very enslaved. Yeah.

Kind of enslaved. Just a slave, I think, is what... Yeah. kind of enslaved just a slave I think is what yeah alright well maybe not too many similarities now I think more about it

but Candy is definitely in both yeah yeah and he's the bad guy right in both Mr. Candy King Candy or is he in Candyland? well no he's not in Candyland it's a it's called Sugar Rush

yeah that's the video game that they're in full of sugar it's really good I really like it it's good yeah that's the thing

I have kids I only go to the movies the kid movies like people ask me what's the last movie you saw Wreck-It Ralph what's before that Rise of the Guardians

that's what I do but I get a stack of fucking screeners and I pop through when they all go to bed. Yeah, you do. I've seen them all. Flight.

Flight, I saw. That's a good one to put the kids away. Yeah. I wasn't a big flight. Pretty much everything that could be bad in life happens in flight.

I know, exactly. In the first 20 minutes. That's unbelievable. It's pretty gnarly. I haven't seen Flight. It's gnarly. Is it? Yeah, yeah.

Denzel Washington got nominated for Best Actor, I'm predicting. He definitely will. Everyone's going to hear this on Friday after it's happened, but I think he'll get nominated. But I think Lincoln's going to be hard to beat. Yeah, I think Daniel Day-Lewis has got it locked up. Yeah, he's so great. It's insane how good he is.

He's great, but Bradley Cooper was really good in that movie. You know who was really good? It was John Hawks in The Sessions. I didn't see it. Holy shit. I didn't see it.

That's three people back here. Yeah, dog. Three Academy members back here. Yeah, dog. We vote. Yeah, he'll get the nod. The one that everybody's kind of hoping for

that I don't think will happen in a million years but would be great is Jack Black in Bernie. Have you seen Bernie? I haven't seen Bernie. He is so fucking good in it. It's ridiculous

like how good he is in it. You saw? And Matthew McConaughey is good in it too. Oh, I haven't seen it. Yeah. Defies explanation, the movie.

Really? Yeah, it's based on a true incident and many of the supporting roles, most of them are just it's interviews

with people who these incidents really happen to and around. I read about it. I mean, Richard Linklater's awesome. I love Linklater.

Yeah, yeah. He does some, you know, I think as experimental movies go, I think it's one of the more successful ones. Okay.

It's really charming. Good stuff. Let's look at a clip, you guys. Turned into a real serious movie conversation there for a second. Let's get down and dirty. I don't know what came over me. I was dying to talk to John DiMaggio about playing an EMT in Little Fockers.

He's got to have a story from that day. Sure. From that afternoon on the set. Dustin Hoffman must have said something horrible to him. How could you be around Dustin Hoffman for a day and not have some quote that Dustin Hoffman said to you? All right, well, I tried to stall

to get John in here for the next portion of the show. Yeah. If you want to stall more, we'll stall. Should we go two minutes? I don't think he's going to make it. We'll shoot the shit. I don't care.

Which movie was the most fun one to shoot? Club Dread had to be the most fun. Because you were just in paradise. We were in a tropical resort. Yeah, in Mexico for ten weeks. Ten weeks. Ten weeks in Mexico, yeah. Wow.

It was fucking great. But Beer Fest was good. Beer Fest was great because it was our biggest budget. And you had like there were more people to play with.

Like in the movie there were just all kinds. Like you forget like you forget the people that are in that movie. Like Donald Sutherland is in that movie. We have three Oscar winners

in that movie. Oscar nominee, right? Well Oscar winner. Cloris Leachman. Cloris Leachman won. Okay. Yeah she won for Last Picture Show. Yeah. We have three Oscar winners in that movie. Oscar nominee, right? Cloris Leachman. Cloris Leachman won. Okay, right. Yeah, she won for Last Picture Show. Yeah.

Monique. She plays Cherry in Beer Fest, and she won for... And she won for Precious, didn't she? She won for Precious, yeah. Yes, she did. Yeah, and we have a new one. Last year, one of the actors, Nat Faxon, won Best Screenplay. One Screenplay for The Descendants. Yeah, yeah. And now he's on that show. Won Screenplay for The Descendants. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. And now he's on that show. He's Ben. He's Ben. Of Ben and Kate. Oh, okay. All right. He is Ben. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. And he directed a movie. Like, this guy is blowing up in the most... And he's in Babymakers. And he's in Babymakers. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He's in... We put him in, like, he was in six of our movies or something like that. Because he's so funny. Yeah. He was... He's a hilarious dude.

He's always been, like, in commercials. Yeah. And he came out of Groundlings so funny. Yeah. He was a hilarious dude. He's always been like in commercials and came out of Groundlings. Now he's an Oscar winner. It's happening. It is. Yeah. Along with the principal

from the community. Yeah, exactly. Jimmy Rash. Jimmy Rash. Who did the Angelina Jolie leg thing when he came out and people went insane for it. Yeah.

But he didn't tell the other guy. He didn't tell Nat to do it. They should have both done it. Yeah. He kind of just did it on his own and Nat was just trying to stand there. But he didn't tell the other guy. He didn't tell Nat to do it. They should have both done it. He kind of just did it on his own. But Nat tried to join in at some point. But it was too late. What's happening? Yeah, it didn't work out.

Let's talk more about last year's Oscars. Okay. And the things that happened on there. Yeah. I love to jog my memory because it's so easily forgettable. Who hosted last year? Billy Crystal. Right.

Yeah. Albert Nobbs. Fantastic movie. Great pull from everything in that Oscars. Albert Nobbs was in there. That was a thing. You love Jean-Claude Desjardins. Oh, Desjardins.

Oh, my God. You love Desjardins. Desjardins. It's Desjardins. Oh, my God. He loves Desjardins. Desjardins. It's Desjardins. When I see that cute little dog on my TV. Forget it. I kick it in. And then I go down to the Best Buy all angry.

Beer Fest was fun. I didn't have such, like, you got to appear as yourself in Beer Fest. I spent eight weeks in New Mexico with three inches of my forehead shaved and an afro permed into my hair. And I'm not kidding. People came up

to me and threatened to kick my ass. Like three different times. Your look was just that irritating. One time a dude came up to me and was like, I should kick your fucking ass. I was just standing irritating. It was, yeah. Oh, yeah. One time a dude came up to me and was like, I should kick your fucking ass. I was just standing, literally I was just standing around doing nothing. Why?

Why did I kick my ass? You two look crazy in that, though. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I guess it irritated people. But then you were trapped in that. We did reshoots. You were trapped for like six months in that.

Yeah, I had, waiting for the reshoots, we had to wait three months. And so, like, the permed hair was growing out and the shaved hairl hair was growing out, and the shaved hairline was growing in. So I was like this hybrid.

It was fucking disgusting. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. There was another one in the hotel that we were staying in when we were shooting Beer Fest. It was our day off, and so I was exercising. Oh, good. Yeah, I exercised. And now the thing is, on the day off, the hair would start to grow back in, like

I'd have a shadow going on my head like stubble. And I was in the and when I sweat, like the permed afro would start to wilt at the sides. So I was in the elevator and, you know, the hotel, the embassy suites had free margaritas every day. And these two dudes got in the elevator with and the hotel, the embassy suites, had free margaritas every day, and these two dudes got in the elevator with me,

going up in the elevator, carrying their margaritas, just shit-faced, and they both look at me, and I can see them looking at my forehead, and looking at each other, and then I was just fucking standing there, looking forward, and they got out on the floor ahead of me.

And remember, they almost held it. They almost fucking kept it together. The door was shutting. And three inches before it shut, they both turned at each other and fucking started laughing. Like, ah! And then the doors fucking shut

and I had nothing to say. I'm in a movie. You know Lincoln and Daniel Day-Lew. I'm in a movie. You know Lincoln and Daniel Day-Lewis went through the same shit. Dude, we lost our minds when you walked by. Fucking Lincoln, dude.

Holy shit, look at the hat. Jesus Christ. How's Mary Todd, dude? What the fuck? Well, we're at the part of the show where I say, let the games begin. Yes.

Gentlemen, pick your name tags. Okay. Do we have name tags in the audience? There they are. So go. Budweiser right there. That's my name tag. Whoever you would like to play for. Look at that. Something about their. Budweiser right there. That's my name tag.

Whoever you would like to play for. Look at that. Something about their phones. That's so advanced. I'm going to go with the Budweiser. Grab it. Just go get it from her. What is it?

I'll hold your mic for you if you like. Oh, she passed it down. Should I just look around? Or what should I do? She wrote... Put my glasses on and stuff? What is that gross baby? Fuck it.

I'll take this baby. Look at this thing. That is disgusting. That frightens me. There's no arms on it. It's been picked before. Give me the fucking shivers. It's going to be looking at me when I'm losing.

Fucking, you're losing. You're losing. The Budweiser just says bad booze Claire's on the side of it instead of bad booze bad news

bears okay okay okay was Budweiser what they drank in that movie what Budweiser

it's a cold one do you want do you want to just drink can you just drink it sure we've never had that before you should chug on it dude the guests

it's huge oh that's shit drink it? We've never had that before. You should chug on it, dude. It's huge. Oh, shit. That's fucking bullshit. Why? Alright, then you should chug it, then. See? This is why I'm glad I made a pot movie and not a beer movie. It's to be careful what you wish for.

You guys must get... When they offer me free pot, I always wish for. You guys must get, like, well, I, but when they offer me free pot, I always say yes. You guys must have to say no to some people. Well, that's the thing is, like, it's funny because we made the Dukes of Hazzard with Johnny Knoxville. And, like, and so he would be, we'd go out to bars and he would be surrounded by girls. Like, 30 girls would be up

to him, like, throwing phone numbers at him, like, giving themselves to him, and we would just be surrounded by college dudes with backwards baseball hats with fucking shots. Chug! Dude, chug with me, dude. And I'm out

back in the alley with a bunch of guys with dirty hair. Dreads. No, no. I've got a lot of nice, clean people say hi to me. Do you want to see who I'm playing for? Yes, please. SEMA.

SEMA? SEMA. Are you a nurse? Am I allowed to give this away? Are you really a nurse? Are you a government agency? SEMA. SEMA.

Okay. What is your specialty? Okay. Flo float unit. Oh, it's not like a boat, like you're on a boat? Float unit, okay. Float unit is in charge of desserts at the company party. Yeah. Did you bring this from the hospital?

Did you bring that crazy, dirty baby from... Because that would be fucked up if you did that. Dude, that baby's real. It's gross. Yeah, I saw it earlier today. It was walking down the street in a homeless dog's mouth. The homeless dog? Yeah, homeless dog with a homeless baby doll.

That is... I can't believe you're touching it that much. Well, but it's like, because there's like a... You're touching every part of it. There's like a political message on it.

War is not healthy for children and other living things. Now it's getting fucking deep in here. Right? Little girl, can you show us

on this doll where the dog ripped your arms off? That is horrifying. Okay. Nice job, SEMA. Yeah, thanks. I guess the listeners

at home wouldn't really appreciate how ugly this doll is. I'll try to... If you could hold it up when we... I always take a picture at the end of the show

of the guests and I tweet that so if you could hold that up that'd be... Okay. I don't want to really touch it, but okay. So your name is Claire that Steve is playing for?

Okay. Let's do a couple things here. We got a second, because this episode was really built around the idea that John DiMaggio probably would be talking nonstop. It's always the most gregarious guest

that manages to fuck up and not make it. It leaves us with a very polite show. Sure, we can have a polite show. We're dignified guests. And I'm just guessing that about him. I could be wrong. Sure, you don't know? He's never been on before?

No. Oh, then what do you know? I know the guy. I know what he's like. He was up for Marley in Marley and Me. He's got a lot of energy. Oh, that gave me an idea.

He could be in the... They should make the Chris Farley story. Right, and that would be him? And have him play it. Okay. Let me write that down. Let's play How Much Did This Shit Make? The Comedy Troop Edition.

Because another thing about John DiMaggio, he used to be in a duo called Red Johnny and the Round Guy. Okay. Back in the day. That's when I first met him. Was he the round guy? No, he was Red Johnny. Okay.

So there was a round guy. Yeah, there was a guy that, like, they were both big guys, but the other guy was rounder. More round. Had, like, a real round quality. We should do that. We already have our thing. Well, the name of our stand-up show is Fat Man Little Boy.

I'm the fat man. That great nuclear fusion movie. Yeah, it's homage to the bomb. Cusack and Paul Newman? Paul Newman, yeah. Alright. So you remember stuff. Dude, I'm totally historical. And hysterical.

This is a game where you each bid and you try not to go over. It's just like Price is Right. The person who's closest without going over to the total domestic box office gross of the motion picture that I chose, which is, it's not a terrible motion picture,

but it didn't do very well. Okay. Kids in the Hall, eye candy. Brain candy. What, what did I call it, eye candy? Yeah. Those guys when they put on dresses. Boy, oh boy.

All right, so what do you think, Steve, how much do you think that movie made Boy oh boy. Alright, so what do you think, Steve? How much do you think that movie made when all was said and done? $8 million. Steve says $8 million. Kevin, you know, always an option, I like to point out, is you can do that bullshit

move they do on Price is Right and say $1. Okay, yeah. And then anything between $1 and eight million would be correct. Or you could bid more than eight million if you think it made more than eight million. I don't know. Let me think about it now. Okay. Like what, 1997 maybe?

Hey, I didn't even know it was called Brain Candy. So why would I know the year? I'm just trying to think what dollars were like back then. Well, the $3 trillion coin hadn't been minted yet. The platinum coin had not been minted yet? Yeah, that hadn't happened. Okay, the brain candy coin. Okay, so you

said eight? That's what Steve said, yes. Okay, I'm going to say five. Million? Million. That's what I'm going to say. But I really have no idea. I should have pushed the $1 thing harder. Oh, really?

Because you both went over. It made $2.6 million. Yes, we're swinging a miss. I saw it in the theater. I did too. I saw it in the theater in New York City. I enjoyed it. I liked it. I had a good time.

It's not terrible. Check it out. Okay. All right, so nobody won that, which is cool. Sorry. That's fine. Yeah, fuck, sorry. That's fine. We got time.

We're good. Okay. Now we're going to play the Leonard Maltin game. Okay. Okay. See, people love it. I'm going to take off my coat for this. Okay.

It's big. It's getting intense, yeah. Yeah. Hang on. Okay. It's getting intense. Yeah. Hang on. Okay. It's almost off. I've been having issues with my phone and the Leonard Maltin app today,

so hopefully that won't get in the way right now. Steve is... We talked backstage, and he's pretty unfamiliar with how this game works. Yes. Which is fine by me because the people I tell how it works

sometimes fare more poorly than the people who know how it works. But Kevin's listened. I have, yeah. So we'll start with you. But he knows what Name That Tune is. I mean, that's essentially what we're talking about, right? Yeah, you know what Name That Tune is.

I do know what Name That Tune is. Okay, tell us what that is. Now, this is similar in that that show was you get a certain number of notes to guess a song. In this case, you get a certain number of actors' names from the cast to try to guess the name of a movie. Okay. And there's bidding back and forth

on how few names you think you can get it in. So I'll start with Kevin, and you'll hear all of this and just be ready to respond when I get to you. He gets to pick a category between the following three categories. Django All The Way. That's films where Jamie Foxx

has sex. Okay. Or In Theaters Now. That's motion pictures that are in theaters now. Or At DLM Games. Okay. Or in theaters now. That's motion pictures that are in theaters now. Okay. Or at DLM Games. Somebody started a Twitter account and called it DLM Games.

Suggests emaciation proclamation. Okay. And this is films where an actor lost a lot of weight for the role. Okay. Never done it. Emaciation. Proclamation. Yeah, we should come up with a made their hair weird for a role category. Then you'd be in it.

I would be. I would be. But we actually had, we had you, we had your little brother come in in Club Dread. Yeah, because I couldn't lose the weight. Yeah, he has,

but Kevin has to get all like, you know, psychic and to fit under the bed towards the end of the movie. And so to do that, we had his brother come in and be his thin double. That's my thin brother. He looks a lot like you, I guess.

He looks like me, but really thin. You've been heavier, though, right? I've been slightly heavier, a little bit. Yeah, you're doing good But the camera adds 10 pounds Doug Do you know that? Yeah I don't know how that factors in

I'm just a person sitting here Oh you're saying that I've only seen you in movies? I've seen you in person a couple of times But I'm saying like It might be off because people maybe have only seen me in movies But you looked In Club Dread, you looked fucking fantastic.

Thank you, Steve. He did. Like, because we were, like I said, we were in Mexico for ten weeks. He was tanned. Mm-hmm.

Tanned. And like... Why do you look around the room when you repeat that? I just want everyone to understand how tanned he was. Side section, tanned.

We're all on board? All on board. Super tanned over there. All on board with tanned. Yeah. No, he was tanned. Yeah. Side section, tanned. We're all on board? All on board with tanned. Yeah, no, he was tanned. Yeah, hair extensions. But like blonde hair extensions. And like, it was weird. You know, it's like you don't think this way all the time about Kevin.

But like, you know, we were like, let's put Kevin in the romantic lead role. And then like he walked on, he was tanned, and he had blonde, long hair, and he was fucking dashing. We started calling him Devin Heffernan, because it was hard to talk to him, because you were like, holy shit,

I didn't realize how good looking you were. It was our least successful movie. Right? I don't think so. Did you guys see Les Mis? I did. Tell them the story. I didn't want to see it, right?

But my wife wanted to watch it. We got the screener. We got the screener of it. We're in the living room with my brother. We're watching.er, right? We got the screener of it. Yeah, lucky. And so, yeah, so we're in the living room with my brother. We're watching. My brother's like a big Les Mis fan.

Like, he has it on his iPod. You know what I mean? That kind of guy, right? And also, a big... His brother is a big... This is the skinny one. A big... Because he's got three brothers.

Two brothers. A big... Tanned. Tanned. Is that... I've been called the tangent fairy in Broken Lizard Like I'm always Tangent?

Tangent? Yeah Okay go ahead Oh tanned Fuck I forgot the tan joke Right? I thought that was like a code word for tangent You were like tange

Continue this miserable story. Yeah, it's not even that good. It's Les Miserables. I'm saying his brother is a big public movie crier. Like his brother goes to movies with tissues in his pocket to cry.

He just sobs like a maniac. That's what I'm saying. So he likes Les Mis. This story is not going to be that good now. So we watch Les Mis. We watch it in is not going to be that good now. All right, so we watch Les Mis. We watch it in the living room. I'm like 20 minutes in.

I'm like, I'm not going to fucking watch this movie. It's just not my thing. I was like, are they going to talk? Are they going to sing the whole time? So they're singing the whole movie. And I'm like, what is going on here? And so I watch it. And I'm watching.

I'm watching. But I make it through. We get like an hour and a half in, right, to the intermission break, right, apparently. And so we're watching, watching, watching, and all of a sudden the movie cuts out. And I'm like, holy shit, what happened? And everyone's pissed off.

And apparently the screener comes in two DVDs, and we only got one, right? So I put an hour and a half into this fucking movie, watching Russell Crowe sing. Thinking about tomorrow we're going to have a revolution. That's right, and then boom. got one right so i put an hour and a half into this fucking movie watching russell crowe singing about tomorrow we're gonna have a revolution that's right and then boom bam yeah and then what fucking happened at their revolution right never got to that's like if you were watching titanic and the boat started to tip right and then the movie went out right what right but here's the thing i didn't tell you this last night i'm out at dinner with Jay Channer Sychar,

right? You know, the other guy. And I tell him this story and he reached into his pocket and he pulls out disc two of Les Mis. And I'm like,

are you fucking kidding me? What are you doing with that? He said, the same thing happened to my friend and I'm going to give him the disc. And I said,

you wrestled it from him. No, because I was like, you know what? I was actually kind of glad I didn't get the second half. Yeah, you didn't have to watch the rest of it. I put my hour and a half in. That's what you said to me.

You were psyched about that. I was glad. But people get shot and shit in that back half. Do they? Is it exciting? It's a little gnarlier. They start talking in the second half? Not really.

Ouch. There's a lot of ouch. Okay. It's hard to sing ouch. Ouch. Yeah, but... But Russell Crowe, that's what Russell Crow, ouch. Ouch. Yeah, but... But Russell Crowe, that's what Russell Crowe sounded like. He sounded like... I've heard...

I mean, I haven't seen it. Kind of a Mandy Patinkin thing going on. Yeah, but here's the thing about this, okay? And fuck Les Mis, by the way. No, I respect Russell Crowe for that, though. I really do. You do. We talked about this yesterday.

Like, Russell Crowe hung himself out there. You know what I mean? He's a movie star. He doesn't have to do that shit. I think that's where their mistake was is that they thought they needed a movie star. That should be a really huge guy who's got a super deep voice. But aren't there other guys that could be that guy? I don't think I want to live anymore.

That's when they introduced the dude. He had passion. But there are other guys. I heard he was going to be in it. I went, oh yeah, he sings. That'll be good. I was wrong. But then you other guys I heard he was going to be in it I went oh yeah he sings that'll be good sure I was wrong

but then you said I heard something interesting you told me about the way they shot that movie with the songs right right like you read

you know they actually shot oh that's all they won't shut the fuck up about it when you're watching the movie it doesn't make a shit difference it does not matter that they're really singing on the set

there's been musicals for years and years and years where they're never really singing on the set. There's been musicals for years and years and years where they're never really singing on the set. But seriously, do you think Sacha Baron Cohen could have trotted around without improvising? I mean, come on. I think it might have been better if he had recorded it ahead of time

and committed to the material. I wish I didn't watch it anyway, so it doesn't matter. Did he do any good improvs while he was singing? I don't know. I couldn't tell. I don't know. There's a lot of human Helena Bonham Carter. It's just a lot of muttering of nonsense. It's like

characters in Robert Altman's Popeye or something. Yeah. Drop the mic. End the show now. End it. I've got to pick a category, don't I? Yeah. So, emaciation proclamation.

I'm on the edge of their seats listening to this. I know, really. Emaciation proclamation. People are on the edge of their seats listening to this. I know really. Emaciation proclamation Jamie Foxx fucks. Is that what the That's another way of saying it yes. Okay.

And by the way I mean I don't know if anybody here has seen Django but like how about that asshole shot on Jamie Foxx. Like when he was

hanging upside down. I haven't seen it. Oh I missed his asshole I was looking at his dangling cock. I haven't seen it. Oh, I missed his asshole. I was looking at his dangling cock. I'm an asshole guy. No matter what you're looking at. Yeah, I'm more of a...

No, but they started it off from behind, and you're looking at like... No, it's just... It's nasty. Yeah, but historically it was correct because he had all the ass pubes going. Oh. No.

All right, I'm going to pick. I could just see Tarantino asking Jamie Foxx to grow out his ass pubes. Could you just not shave? Could you just not shave for like a couple months? We're going to need you

to grow your asshole hair out, okay? I mean, come on. All right. All right, I'm going to go. Or in theaters now, or an actor lost his memory I'm going to go

emaciation proclamation let's do that that's fun let's do that let's have some fun yeah we'll just play one round let's have some fun

it's not important I'll play as many rounds as you want Doug Seema's going to get the prizes and you know that's don't change it

you never know what's going to happen in this game so I'm going to tell you all about this movie now Steve but Kevin's going to make the first bit three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie

from 2004 he says about it that it has a character in it that's deeply troubled and he also says if Franz Kafka ever scripted a movie, this might have been it. And then Leonard lists eight names in the cast.

And now the trick is, how many names do you think it'll take you to name this movie, reading from the bottom of those eight names up to the top leading performer? Kevin gets to bid first. Okay.

Start with eight. Knock a few off. One. Oh, see? He's not going easy on you, Steve. Now what you can do is you either have to say, name that movie, and if he names it, after I tell him one name, the eighth name on the list,

then he wins. But if he misses, then you win. Or you can say Steve, I mean Kevin. I'm playing now. You're kind of confused. I can name

that movie in zero names if you think you know what movie we're talking about based on what little information I've given you. I'm not sure. I'm just going for it. Fuck it. That's smart. Name that movie. All right, just name it.

So your one name is Anna Massey. The great Anna Massey. And what do you think this movie is from 2004? The Machinist. That is correct. You did it. I was right. Holy shit, Doug.

Has anyone ever done that? Kevin is our winner. Has anyone ever done that? I mean, holy shit. Do you know what? It's so fucked up. That sort of thing happens sometimes, yes. It does? Really?

Yes, it does. On occasion. I should have called Zero and just called The Machinist. That's the only movie I was thinking about. It's certainly the only one I was thinking about when I saw the name of the category. I was like, oh, The Machinist. So you two guys are saying what I did was bullshit. That's what you're saying?

I'm saying we all think of The Machinist when we think of an actor losing a lot of weight for a part. Like, what else could it have been? Raging Bull. Raging Bull, he didn't lose weight, he gained it. But he gained it and he lost it. Castaway, he got pretty skinny. McConaughey's got a thing coming out where he's all AIDS-y that looks horrifying.

It looks very... It's not my fault there's only one answer for the thing. I did a good job, right? Don't let Steve take away from your accomplishment. I'm better. I'm just better.

I don't know. It's no accomplishment at all. Everyone else in the audience was saying it too, right? I mean, they knew. I'm better. Here you go. Here's your prizes

and your baby. Please don't bring that back again. Oh, yeah. Okay, we need it for the picture at the end. That's scary. Let's get her the posters. And Claire, do you have someone that you would like me to call a shithead at the end here do you want

to come over and write it down oh good yeah yeah is it gonna be me for losing oh do i get to come back and like play someone really good now because i well i'd love to have you back on the show let's talk about it when Steve's not around. But I don't know, if you get one guess, do you get into this upper echelon? I don't want to come back anymore. I think you're going to be great at the game on the next time you come on.

Maybe we'll have you guys come on with Jay. He sucks at the game. You're both much better than he is. Okay, so your thing's coming out on Netflix in this quarter, in the first quarter. Fat Man Little Boy. Fat Man Little Boy. And people can just rent it and stream it and all that stuff on Netflix?

Or does it come in two discs with the cliffhanger? No. No cliffhangers. People might just get the one. And yeah, anything else that we need to plug? Let's see. When are we going up here? So this weekend we're in Utah.

This weekend we're at Wise Guys in West Valley. Okay. And then I think our next date, March 7th, Madison. Comedy on State. Oh, nice. Love it. That's a great place. Great place. Yeah. Both those clubs are cool. Great. Yeah. I've been there.

Ask about me. We will. They'll be like, oh, that guy that was out back the whole time? Right. Douglovesmovies.com is where all my stuff is. Thank you guys for coming to the first episode of the new year in the new time slot. I think you have to wait in line for a slightly shorter period of time.

According to that was what Jordan was telling me. So I'm excited about that. And we'll see you guys next week and the week after. And I'll try to reschedule. Sorry to John DiMaggio. We ran out of time. And thanks, guys. It's here for him.

Steve, Lemmy, Kevin Heffernan. And I'll take a picture of you here in a second. And as always, Kim Kardashian and Kanye's baby is a shithead. Yes. It's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes uprooted, viewing prowess makes him foggy. There's no room in his heart for you. Cause Doug loves movies.