Doug Loves Movies - Steven Seagal, Geoff Tate, and Dan Schechter Guest

Episode Date: August 19, 2014

Doug welcomes legend "Steven Seagal," comedian Geoff Tate, and director Dan Schechter ("Life of Crime") to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, creamy babies, sticky seats with 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody, my name's Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. I love, somebody threw in an and. And this is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Hollywood, Tuesday, August 19th, 2014,

Wolf of Wall Street, Fight Terminator 2. Judgment Day of the Dead. Milwaukee Tall. The President's Men and Blackfisher King. Ralph and Dog Day Afternoon. Delight. Sleep Perfect. Murder by Death Wish 3 and me, Ghost. I'm interrupting Ghost on October 5th at the Alamo Draft House in Yonkers.

World's Ed of Watchmen. Don't leaving Las Vegas. Food. La Jingle. All the Wayne's World's End of Watchmen Don't Leaving Las Vegas Food La Jingle All the Wayne's World's Fastest Indiana Jones of the Temple of Doomsday. Do you think if I keep adding titles that people will be really

bored with that by the end of the year? My intention was to go the whole year, but I was fading. Thank you, MiniApps, Sam Fran, and Boise for another great weekend of shows. This week I'll be at the Tempe, Arizona Improv. Tonight, if you're listening on Wednesday. Too late if you're listening on Thursday or after. Friday, I'm taping a one-hour stand-up special in Seattle, Washington at the gorgeous Neptune Theater.

Two shows, only $15 gets you in, so come down for that. Let's take a look in the prize bag. There's some interesting things. Somebody brought a slim, really long Slim Jim twin pack, original style. I wouldn't eat it. It's got a lot of sugars in there.

But it looks delicious. I believe this might be a Douglas Movies T-shirt. I'd be accurate about that. And it's probably like extra, extra large. So that's something you can live in if uh if you need to i've got some other a lot of fun uh odd things in here um i got this uh recently i wish i oh it was in minneapolis i made a joke during my act about there's there's a street minneapolis everybody knows it called hennepin and i and it's got some bars and stuff on that street, and I said that it sounds like an over-the-counter drug.

Last night I got really fucked up on Henepin. And a guy brought me a real-looking prescription bottle that says Henepin on it, and inside is Skittles. So good luck to the winner figuring out what to do with that. I don't know if you want to mess with that. We got a copy of Gateway Doug 2 Force Fun. And something I got to pull out of here.

I've been walking around with this bag all day because I've been like just doing, oh shit, running a bunch of errands. Yeah, and one of the things I had to do today was I had to renew my weed card. My recommendations in this, they give me a nice folder with my certificate. But look at this, officer. And in California, the cop is going to be like, it's $100 either way, dude.

Don't fucking work up a sweat. But I think it's good to get your license, your weed card, because if the numbers are huge, it's just another sign that everybody's into it and it should just be flat-out legal and we shouldn't have to fool around with a doctor that's like, oh, let me look at your chart. Alright, that's 25 bucks.

Thanks for coming. Ask me about how I've been feeling. No, every year when I go in, they're going, so is it working out for you, your medicine, your medication? Yeah, it's working out great. I came to renew because I want to keep doing it. I'm going to renew

just on the off chance. I guess that wouldn't be a bad thing to do, even if you give it up. Renew your license. Just have it. Just always have it. Just solidarity. There's too much to get into. Let's just get these guys out here.

This is going to be a super fun show because we've got two new guests that have never done it before, but I think they're both going to be great at it, have a good feeling about this. Please welcome Dan Schechter, Jeff Tate, and Steven Seagal. Yeah.

It's amazing. I don't know how we got Jeff Tate again so recently since his last appearance. I was kind of hoping he wouldn't sit right next to me, but it's a little intimidating.

But okay, the shirt has to go this way. Can I just have it? Thanks. Thanks, Jeff. You're welcome. Let's save him for last. So first let's say hi to Jeff Tate, everybody.

Jeff Tate's here. Hello. Hello, everybody. And what did you bring for the bag? You always bring some fun items for the bag. You're very thoughtful, like a boyfriend of whoever's going to win this prize bag. You brought a book. I brought a book, but this one is a real one. What do you mean it's a real one?

I usually bring those terrible novelizations. Oh, okay. Like another 48 hours. But this one is called Unknown man 89 and it's the elmore leonard book yeah let me just skip ahead to explain why the relevance yeah i should have done this in the other in other order uh jeff and i were lucky enough to see in traverse city at the film festival there a few weeks back we got to see a new movie that's based on an elmore leonard novel and uh and it was directed by this gentleman right here dan schecter and we loved it it's called life of crime

and uh he was all like coming up to us like hey i listen to doug lowe's movies and we were like we can't wait to see your movie because we saw it like the last night. So we were friends before we saw his movie. So that may have colored our reaction a little bit. I don't think it did. You loved it. I really loved it. I look over at you and you'd just be like so happy. That could work against you.

The person, you can walk in and just be real bummed that their thing sucks and you have to pretend the whole rest of the time you're around. Well, yeah, that's why I didn't see Owner's Movie and we should talk about how everyone knows we should talk about that's not that's not why i didn't see it i mean i you know i'm sure i would like to see it at some point but it's a it also doesn't already sound like necessarily my cup of tea but i like him though as a person and i respect him and he even he kept bugging me that he wants me to be in one of his movies

and I think I'll probably say yes to that. I think I did say yes to that. I think especially because expectations will be so low. People will be shocked how great Warner's movie is. Summer of Blood. I would recommend people going to see it. He's a friend of mine, the truth be told, but I was shocked how much I loved his film.

His performance in the podcast was not the man that I think even you have come to know and love a little, maybe. I like him a lot more. That night I was shocked how much I loved his film. His performance in the podcast was not the man that I think even you've come to know and love a little, maybe. I like him a lot more. That night I was just like, I want him out of here. And then he got up and left. And usually he left right away when I said it's time to go. And from that moment on, the respect started flowing. Because I was like, thank you for that.

And then he didn't wait around. He wasn't mad later. When he saw us later, he was like, hey, sorry about what happened. The first thing out of his mouth. It was just like, OK. Guy got a little out of his depth and freaked out and walked away at the right time. And then we did a comedy panel. He was funny on the comedy panel.

We did a panel the next morning at 9.30 AM. And he was there on time. Yeah, and sober. And sober, and friendly, but a really good panelist. Like, it was funny when it was his turn to speak. It was amazing, wasn't it, Jeff? Yeah. It did not feel like the same guy.

All right, we've got another guest introduced over here. Yeah. So let's just... Are you doing all right? Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa. So you actually brought, Jeff, a Steven Seagal film. What?

No, I did. Oh, you did. That seems like something that Jeff would bring. I'm sorry. I brought a good movie. Did I tell you? Wait. Yeah, turn this into a dojo. Yeah, if you want.

I don't want you guys to turn into a dojo. I brought that movie from my personal collection. It still works. Oh, yeah. I should mention it's VHS. Solid. You could prop a window open with it. That's right.

I wouldn't recommend it as a doorstop, though, because you may want to watch it again at some point. And a doorstop, it might get crushed. Again and again. It's a very, very good film. But I brought other things as well. Okay, what else? Oh, you brought this Slim Jim Twin pack. Yeah, that's high protein.

If you've gone a couple days not being able to afford a meal, that'll get you through. It's protein for when you're high. Speaking of protein, I got two Pops hot dogs in here. Awesome. I know some people are worried those might not have been in there.

And then, who brought Mel Gibson Payback? I did. Oh, that was you? Yeah. You think this is good? Yeah. The director's cut.

It says at the bottom, he's back with a vengeance. This was the first movie in the intended series, I believe. But he was already back with a vengeance. No, he leaves at the beginning. I'll say this about... Like he's there and then he leaves and then he comes back all during the credits. I'll say this about Mel Gibson, he's washed up. Spin Magazine said, sly, edgy carnival of violence.

Carnival? Yeah. Don't you remember the soundtrack? It was like, boop, boop, boop. Everybody has a different way of singing that tune. We also have,

from Jeff Tate, we have a copy of his CD, newly released CD called Just Another Clown. Also be sure to check out Afternoon Everybody. His almost kind of sad obsession with cheers

has manifested itself into a podcast where you can just sit around, you can just talk about it with just abandon. Yeah, with anybody. I don't know what is sad about that. Who of the Cheers cast would be like numero uno

on your want to get on afternoon everybody as a guest? Ted Danson. Ted, okay. So let's go after Ted Danson, everybody. I'm sure he's a big tweeter. Maybe I'll run into him

in a pot circle somewhere. I think I've run into a number of people that know John Ratzenberger so I think that might be a little I know John what'd you guys work together on we didn't work together I actually did some I like to call it

law and artistry for him about three or four years ago wait wait law and artistry and three fingers ago? No, about three or four years ago. Oh, three or four years ago. I thought you had more lingo with three fingers ago. How long ago was it, Cheech? Oh, three fingers.

Yeah, three or four fingers. That kind of thing. I put some bonsai trees in his house and then I worked security at his daughter's party. I was going to say, why does it say security on your hat? That's... In case anybody's hiring. I was going to say, why does it say security on your hat? In case anybody's hiring.

I thought you were coming on, maybe talk about your newest movie or whatever. I do. Gunshot Hitman comes out October 11th. What's that about? It's about a guy. There's a gunshot in the Hitman. It's really good. The white dude from CSI is in it. Ted Danson?

How white is he? Like the real white guy. David Caruso. No, he's been around for a long time and he puts his eyebrows together when he thinks. They all do that on that show, don't they? Not William Peterson. I think you just described Gumby. No, White did.

I'm CSI, damn it. Yeah, that comes on October 11th. Who brought this Coleman... Is this you, Steven? Is that why I call you Steven? You can call me Steven or Master Seagal. Oh, it's easy to choose between those two.

This is a Coleman poncho? It is a poncho. Sweet, says one guy who probably didn't bring a name tag. It's high quality in case you ever get stuck out in the rain and you're hitchhiking or anything like that. Those really hold up. All right. I'd use it to protect the books and the CDs

and the DVDs and the VHS. Because this is an amazing prize bag. Let's hear it for the prize bag, everybody. Good stuff. And that's not all. I forgot about this fancy lighter somebody made for me that's like, if I pulled this out anywhere that would seem like maybe I was up to some shit.

Trying to go, hey kids, want a lighter? What did you bring, Dan? You brought some movie swag, I hope. Oh yeah, I went to Amoeba Music. I'm not from LA, so that? Oh, yeah. I went to Amoeba Music. I'm not from L.A., so that place was real cool. And there was a copy of a movie I made previously that was really small called Supporting Characters, which is for everybody.

And my new movie's based on an Elmore Leonard novel, so I got Get Shorty, which I don't know people have seen as a movie. It's also an amazing book. It's the first thing I ever read from Elmore Leonard. You got an Elmore Leonard book in there, too. I don't know if we got a chance to... No, there are two Elmore Leonard books in the prizemore Leonard book in there too I don't know if we got the chance to no there are two Elmore Leonard books

in the prize bag that CD was for Kumail Nanjiani because he loves X-Files but it was only a dollar Kumail was one last week

and had the option to come back this week but he decided instead that Comedy Central insisted that he promote his TV show that they have I think that's what he said

well I hope the winner enjoys it, nonetheless. Exactly. I turned down X-Files. You turned down watching the X-Files? No, being in it. As what? Skully. What kind of mom?

Oh, music from the motion picture, Out of Sight. I love Out of Sight. I bet Out of Sight. I bet you this album's awesome. I bet you it's a lot of... I wanted to get the Jackie Brown soundtrack, but they didn't have that in the dollar bin.

But I thought Out of Sight was fun, because that's also more... Yeah, it's got some... No, no. And then you got some bottle caps there in your hand, which I also got from Mel's Diner. And I used to like those a lot. So I hope you guys enjoy it.

And you said, oh, the book version of Get Shorty. How adapted was Get Shorty? Like, could another filmmaker come along and make a Get Shorty that's closer to the book that would seem quite different? No, I think they did an excellent job. It's a good movie. People seem to like it. I wouldn't go back and remake that one. Be Cool, which is the sequel, maybe could have been

a superior product. Maybe in the end. I don't know if anybody's seen that. No, that's straight garbage from the beginning. The book I brought, Unknown Man 89, it's a really good Elmore Leonard book. It's about a guy who's like 36 or so, smokes a lot of cigarettes, kind of

a dirtbag. Maybe you want to make that into a movie. Me? Yeah. Like if you could think of somebody that seems like that character who could be in it. Jeff and I saw a documentary at the Traverse City Film Festival

called 1971, and one night we got really worked up about convincing Dan that he should get the rights and direct the movie version, the fictionalized version. You sold the shit out of that documentary. Did you rights and direct the movie version. Yeah. The fictionalized version. You sold the shit out of that documentary. Did you see it?

No, it sounds amazing. I didn't know how to track it down. Yeah, you gotta see it. I'm going to go to film festivals. 1971. It's pretty cool. What were you doing in 1971, Mr. Master Seagal? Training.

I reached seventh level Dan in Aikido. I was the first person to open a dojo in the Western Hemisphere. Wow. What's the cutoff there, Western Hemisphere? Like, what? Oh, it's like... Las Viengas?

No, it's like... It's like... It's like three blocks past Hawaii. All right. Was I supposed to bring a book? By the way, everybody brought a book, so I didn't know. I don't know. Yeah, that's kind of a weird...

I don't own a book. I guess so. You know, maybe if you have a book, you want to get rid of it. Oh, don't you also have a poster, Dan? Yeah, oh, yeah, and I got a poster for my movie, too, for the winter out. Dan, you brought a poster for my movie too for the winter from life of crime and and sincerely it's a really if you like uh not only get shorty but out of sight or justified out of sight justified one of the things i love about both of those is the um

the scene where the a bad guy who's about to do something bad accidentally kills himself. Yeah. Nothing makes me laugh harder than a dude with bravado or just a stupid dude just accidentally kills himself. That's a great way to just as a writer and a viewer just not have to worry about that person anymore. I don't think that's ever

happened in a Seagal movie. Not to worry about somebody? Oh no. No, no. I don't think that's ever happened in a Seagal movie. Not to worry about somebody? Oh, no. No, no, I don't think anybody's ever actually killed themselves, any of the bad guys. You dispatch everybody. Oh, no, in Marked for Death, I ripped a guy's arm off and used it to shoot himself with a gun.

So that sort of counts. He still had the gun in his hand? Yeah, I ripped it off. You thought maybe the arm being off wasn't going to be fatal enough i have rules when i make a movie like in every movie that i do uh someone's limb a limb has to be ripped off i have to beat someone with a broken pool cue and also uh put like a like a sock with something in it i have to beat somebody with something like that so also dan i wanted to ask you uh if you got any time afterwards

and you're willing to buy dinner i'd be like i'd like to talk to you about remaking under siege i thought i could play uh gary bucey's part like what if this time it was like in a really tall office building yeah or on a bus no no it's like an office building and i'm just spit i'm just gonna spitball here but like maybe it's in an office building and uh tour like a terrorist takeover like a christmas party or tourists or like what if tourists were just there and you just killed all the tourists yeah that's a that'd be pretty fun. If International will buy it, I'll do it. What do you think?

That's your slogan? Yeah. I think we could discuss after the show, and that sounds like I'd love to work with you. I think I'm the most excited on this whole panel that you're here. I'm sure a lot of people at home just want to discuss your career

and kind of the films that you made. I mean, I've been on any of the celebrity stars since 1988. Yeah. You know, I do signings at the local chili's like your credit card slip no no no do you think i uh i stand up at the front and when people come in and tell me how many they are with and how many they want to eat i sign their name yes master seagal don't, don't pay Jeff.

No, never mind. He's one of our more... It's probably a good thing Kumail isn't here because you'd have two of them coming at you. Oh, I can handle two at a time. Yeah, I've seen that in some of your films. And, like, that's, you know, the villains rarely attack two at a time like that.

But with you, they did it and still failed. In Exit Wounds I choked a dude with my ponytail. It was cut out. It was cut out because DMX was checking his beeper in the background. There's a, I don't remember the name of it, but there's a movie you're in with

Randy Travis and there's a movie you're in with Randy Travis. R.I.P.? No, he's alive. The movie... But you guys are like yelling at me. You sort of lose touch with the people you work with? No, I just happen to know some things, but you keep going. What?

Oh, I don't want to break that kind of news on this show. He tries to, Randy Travis tries to kill you by pouring gasoline on the ground from a gas tank, like at a gas station. I don't burn. And then throws, well, it seemed like you were worried about it because you seem nervous in the movies. You're a good actor.

That's what I mean. Like, you seem nervous. And then he threw a candle at the gasoline and then you used a gun to shoot the fire off the candle and you saved everybody

and somehow the the bullet didn't start a fire right do I know something else about that I would love to know anything about that

one take I would love to know anything about that. One take. So Dan, you brought a copy of your first film, right? You've done two films now? Yeah, I mean, not as many as some other people. But yeah, that's my first movie. It was a lot less money and everything, but it's a heartfelt story that I'm proud of. Supporting characters. And it stars Alex Karpovsky,

who people know as the grumpy coffee shop owner in Girls. Are you a fan of Girls? I haven't heard you talk about Girls. I do like Girls. Yeah, I like it too. I like it a lot. But because a guy's like him. He's just like, he was in

her film, Tiny Furniture, as well. He's just instantly plays annoying characters who are strangely likable. He's a good actor and a good guy. Yeah, okay. Well, there you go. He's going to be on Douglas movies one time. Last minute cancellation, never heard about it again. He's an asshole. So, yes.

Now we're getting to it. He had to go to that coffee shop job. Dan, between Out of Sight, Jackie Brown, and Get Shorty, do you have a favorite? Jackie Brown is my favorite of all those movies. Interesting. I love it a lot. I love it a lot. What's kind of cool about my movie, I don't want to go on about my movie because it's

supposed to be fun. No, but I think it leads you right into your movie because, explain why. Well, there's two characters from Jackie Brown in my movie that Sam Jackson, you're so proud of yourself that you made this segue. But I love Jackie Brown because it's the closest experience I had to reading one of his books.

It's a good movie, and it's my favorite Elmer Leonard adaptation that there's been. Most deaf is young Samuel L. Jackson, and John Hawks, amazing actor, is young Robert De Niro. Yeah. And it's just interesting to think about, but it's a completely separate story. That's why I was so psyched that you liked it, because I listen to this podcast.

I love it. And I'm still like a fanboy for the movie, because I just love Tarantino and Elmer Leonard. And I was really proud. And I couldn't believe I got to make it. It was like a dream thing. All the cooler that it's sort of obliquely related to that movie that I love. That ancient wine.

I love it. We were all having a blast up there in Traverse City. It's beautiful out there. We were just watching movies and hanging out and drinking. Whenever you go to a party there during this festival, they hand you a glass when you walk in, like a fancy, weird-shaped,

kind of like a Fabergé egg-shaped glass. It says Traverse City Film Festival on the side of it. And then you just go booze up with your glass at a bunch of different boozing stations throughout the party at every one of their parties. And nobody ever takes the glass. There's, like, cars parked right there and stuff because they parties. And nobody ever takes the glass. There's like cars parked right there and stuff because they're outside. Nobody ever takes their

glass and just smashes it against the car. What? That would be so cool. I don't know how everybody people get really shit-faced. Like, owner never took his glass and just smashed it against something. He might have dropped it accidentally. We don't know what he did when he left the show.

There was 30 minutes where he was on the couch. You say with these glasses you get unlimited refills? Like no charge? I'm in. It's like what happens at Chili's. Oh yeah. What time can we be done? My shift's at 9.30.

There's a movie I like called Executive Decision. I don't know if you remember that. Kurt Russell? Yeah, you got to be in that with me. Yeah. Halle Berry got to be in that with me. I'd say that's probably top two with Under Siege, right? And maybe Dark Territory. I like Dark Territory a lot.

Well, he doesn't last too long. I don't want to give it away, but your character kind of makes the ultimate sacrifice pretty early in the movie. It's like five minutes. It's a very meaningful, memorable performance, but you're gone pretty quick from that movie, and I like the rest of it a lot.

It was a good rest of the film. I probably had a tournament that day. What kind of tournament? No, an Aikido tournament. I did a series of underground tournaments in the early 90s where it was just me and Jean-Claude Van Damme and I kicked the shit out of him.

Every time. He would always go to do the splits and I'd just kick him in the nuts. That's not honorable. What's that? That's not honorable. Oh, it was underground. Showing off with the splits move.

That's not cool. It was underground. Come on, be cool. Underground fight. Now, look at him. He's riding fucking semis with his feet, and I'm here. So, Dan, you had to sit there and think for a while and then come up with a movie where Steven Seagal is dead soon into it?

No, I thought of it earlier today. What's another one of your favorites of his? I actually do kind of like Under Siege 2 a little bit. Not like sincerely, but like ironically. It's a pretty

great bad sequel. It's kind of like, if you look at it now, you should watch it as a low budget snowpiercer. Like a snowpiercer they spend even less money on.

With no message at all. And yeah, it's just about a mission of getting Katherine Heigl to network television. Like he has to get his daughter to television. And he succeeded. He got her to Grey's Anatomy and now we're stuck with her. Biggest mistake of my career. Which part? Just working with Katherine Heigl.

Really? Oh yeah. She was like a youngin' though in that. She was Really? Oh, yeah. She was like a young'un, though, in that. She was a cute little girl. No, she was rude then. She always bumped in line at craft services table. No, never. I told her then she was like eight years old,

and I was like, I hope you die alone. Wow. That seems kind of like... I haven't done a lot of spiritual work. It doesn't seem to fit into your spiritual side. No, but I can tell where somebody's going to go with their chi. And her chi was going straight down. Never interfered with your work, though.

I don't think. I never noticed. No, now I'm sorting out things in Russia. Everything's good for Steven. You know, BuzzFeed's going to pick this up. You saying, I hope she goes straight to heaven. Oh, she's a great girl. Oh, okay, great. Glad you threw that in there.

I'd ask you guys about what movies you've seen, but we're running dreadfully late, and I just want to take a moment to say, let the games begin. Gentlemen, pick your name tags from this dazzling array in the shadows. Let's bring the lights up, and you guys go pick who you want to play for. Oh, man. And while you do that, we'll do this.

We'll be right back after some messages from our awesome sponsors. And we're back. Who are you playing for, Dan? I got Cooper over here, which I presume is the last name of the... No? First name. Okay, cool.

Cooper. And it's a very funny photo shot picture with Kumail Nanjiani and Marc Maron. And they're sort of going to war here. And, you know, a little effort was put in. Oh, instead of Bruce Willis and Don John. Yeah, they burned some calories, and I appreciate that. I kind of like it more than the ironically lazy ones,

you know, when I see. These are good. Cooper. Nice selection. Very directorial of you. Thank you. But that's cool. Jeff.

I'm playing for Quentin. I'm serious. Quentin made quite an art project. It's like a box cut open. It says Harry Potter and the Prismo Nur of Pakistan. And whatever. Fuck Quentin. What does Prismo Nur mean? It's Kumail's character on Adventure Time.

Oh, Kumail's character. A lot of Kumail fans in the house. They really expected... Last week he said, yeah, I'll come back. And then this is what happens. What did you pick, Stephen? It says, Forgetting Marshall. So his name is Marshall. Yeah, and it's got people on the front holding hands.

It's got Mark Wahlberg on there. He's a good dude. Well, that reminds me. To determine who goes first in the Leonard Martin game today, let's do some lines with Mark. Mark Wahlberg couldn't be here tonight, but he pre-recorded a line from a movie for us to play for you guys. And, you know, he hasn't discussed it.

I'm the only person that knows what the line is. And Ryan, of course, in the booth knows. But let's just quickly go down. Dan, you do not know. Jeff, no? just quickly go down. Dan, you do not know. Jeff, no? No. We both do not know. Master Seagal, you do not know?

I do not. I don't know. All right. Do I go in first? That's like the people in the exit row on the plane when they make you make eye contact and say yes. Like, will you help me in case of emergency? Yes. The worst.

But you don't know me. I always say yes and I really don't think I will. I will not just help them. I will be in charge. Yeah, no. After the flight attendant leaves, I double check with everybody. I'm like, you look me in the fucking eye. You tell me we're getting off this

plane. It works. Alright, so Mark's going to say a line from a motion picture, hopefully a classic one. He gets to pick, so he's, you know, he's a... Have you run into him at all, Steven? Yeah.

We were supposed to do two guns together. Were you in two guns? I was supposed to be in two guns. It's not important. You were going to be, like, the Denzel Washington role in Two Guns? Yeah, I originally was. What went wrong? They kept saying that they must have not been getting my emails or something.

Oh, so you were just asking if you could be in it? No, I ran into one of the executives. I waited outside Paramount Studios because for some reason I didn't have a walk-on. And they just said, oh, we didn't get your email. I couldn't understand because he wouldn't roll his window down. I should have been in that. Okay, first person to say the name of this movie out loud while or after Mark says a line from it

is going to be our winner. Let's hear that right now. Alright, here we go. I'll have what she's having. Diner. When Harry... Harry Met Sally. Diner.

They eat food in that movie. A little tighter? There's food. They eat food in that movie. People order stuff. Maybe we should just skip the letter mall. Oh, who said it? Dan? Yeah, Harry meant Sal. That's who I believe.

What's the full title? When Harry meant Sal. Correct. Oh, I got one. That takes all the fresh girl. I'm a stickler. I'm a stickler.

Yeah, so we'll start with you, Dan, in the Leonard Maltin game. Oh, good. And Stephen, are you good on the Leonard Maltin game? Have you heard the

show before? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They had it on in a JCPenney when I was returning some sandals. On the radio? It's a weird-ass JCPenney. God, I haven't heard that in any department stores,

any kind of podcast. I never hear Marc Maron yelling at people in the shoe department. No, they told me about it backstage, how it goes. But I'm pretty sure I heard it there, too. I can't think of what else that would have been. It might have been a kid next to me on a Greyhound bus to Laughlin, Nevada. I'll let you go third just to make sure that you are picking up on what's going on.

And Jeff, of course, has played a lot of times. How often do you win, Jeff? It's about 50-50. Oh, okay. That's not bad. Good odds for a three-person, yeah. Yeah, when you're playing three people, yeah. Or more sometimes.

Yeah, there are three people. Sometimes there's four. I'm doing okay. You are. You get to pick a category. Would you like a prairie home companion? That's movies, of course, that have bestiality in them. Or, spoiler alert, that's movies where someone is run over by a car.

Which is, that's got to be fun to direct, right, Dan? Yeah. Somebody getting run over with a car? I don't want to give any spoilers, but I do. I don't think that's a big spoiler. No, yeah, that happens. But I don't know what to say to who. Yeah, to who or when.

Are you talking about RoboCop? We're talking about Dan's movie, Life of Crime, has an awesomely violent person being run over. Yeah. I'll check it out. Thanks again for the plug. You're welcome. So that's movies

where someone's getting run over by a car. Or The Day Before Tomorrow, which is movies that take place all in one day. I want that one.

The Day Before Tomorrow, please. Right? That narrows it down pretty much. I think so. I think. Let's see what you think of this. The year is 1986, two and a half stars from Leonard. He calls this movie a saga.

This movie's probably come up a few times before on the show. Recently somebody pointed out that Hoosiers was the answer a couple of times over a couple of the shows. I also noticed that. Yeah, and sometimes I just don't. I forget to erase it. And then once we're into it, it's different players. They don't know what's going on. Even if it was the same exact players,

I could probably play the same movie again, and they wouldn't get it right. So, yeah. So I fuck up sometimes and play the same one twice. You know, Alex Trebek has people step in and go, do you need a drink of water? We'll cut that part and we'll try again. Like sometimes he has to sit down for a while during the tapings.

Are you serious? No. You were so committed to that joke. I was going to talk about it till somebody said something holy shit that was a good bit we did yeah good night everybody uh so yeah so this is a saga and um and leonard calls And Leonard calls it typically uneven. And he lists, holy crap, eight, 11, 16 names. 16 names. Two and a half stars from 86. All takes place in one day.

How many out of 16 names do you need? Dan Schechter, director. Eight. Eight names. I like it. Out of 16? Yeah. Cut it in half.

Name it. Slice it. Really? Yeah, name it. All right. Sorry about that, Master Seagal. I think I'll still win. We'll be...

I love that. I love that. That's how you meet the bad guys with that attitude. Tom stayed on top since the 80s. What bar is it in town I've seen you at sometimes? Like you stand by the bull in case somebody hits their head. Saddle Ranch. Yeah, Saddle Ranch.

They got a great brunch. Oh, you're just in there in the daytime, or did they just let you come by and have the brunch? Oh, no, they saved the brunch for me. Oh, no! You eat the brunch at dinner time? That hollandaise holds up. And then, yeah, then I just...

All right, Dan, I'm not going to insult you with all the clues again. No, I got it. Because with eight names, you not going to insult you with all the clues again. No, I got it. Because with eight names, you're going to get this. And those clues are useless. That also. But I think you're going to get this with these eight names. Really? Yeah, prove me wrong.

Christy Swanson, T. Scott Coffey. I think also later just spelled as Scott Coffey, but I might be wrong. I think I know what it is. Max Perlick, Louis Anderson. These all just confirm it. Virginia Capers might not. Del Close, the great Del Close was in this movie. And then your

eighth name, or is that that's sixth, so your eighth seventh and eighth names are Ben Stein and Charlie Sheen. Oh, good. From 1986. Ferris Bueller's Day Off That's correct

Christy Swanson I don't remember her Christy Swanson Yeah, just probably Cute, flirty girl For a scene or two Maybe But then, you know

They're off on their day In Chicago There's no other I'll take it There's no other students Wow, that was a lot of names For Ferris Bueller's Just doing it on the road

Wasn't Christy Swanson In Undersea? Was she like the Hot blonde In Undersea? No, that was a lot of names for Ferris Bueller's. Wasn't Chrissy Swanson in Undersea? Was she like the hot blonde in Undersea? No, that was Erica Elaniak. But she was in... Wait, what's her name again? Chrissy Swanson. Chrissy Swanson.

She was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the movie version. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so Dan is on the board. Dan has a point. Yay. Team Cooper. That means, Stephen, we get to start with you, and then we'll go to Jeff, and you get

to pick the next category. Name it. Okay. So, you might not still get how this works, but I'll try to talk you through it. It's really no different from most shows that I do. This next category I just had to kind of

get ready to do this is called Carl! Carl! Carl! I say it twice because this is movies that Carl Reiner directed and appears in.

I was hoping it was family matters related. I wish someone would pick it just because I kind of get tired of doing that bit and I'm going to commit to it every time. At Eric R. Stevens suggested Meals on Wheels, and that's movies where there's oral sex in a car. Recently, the answer to that, I believe, was Parenthood,

so consider that title eliminated. And this one, I think, is still in action. Was that three categories? Did I give you three of them? It was two. You've given us one so far. I'll give you one more. What? That was two. You eliminated the Parenth so far. I'll give you one more. What?

That was two. You eliminated the parenthood one. No, I said parenthood's not the answer. Oh, that's what we eliminate. Okay. Because that was the last time. I was just double checking with my team, which is me. Hey, Doug.

I'm on your team. Oh, okay. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I just think, you know.'m on your team. Oh, okay. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I just think, you know. If you're hiring. I don't have any money yet, but when I do,

you're going to be one of the first people I call. You got it. Yeah. Say, by probably like the third person I'll call. Top ten, I'm in. I'm not going to need that many people. I just thought I'd have to call two that say no and then

you know, you. Deep Fried Bacon. That's a movie where Kevin Bacon smokes weed. Which one of those do you like? Carl. Can I call you MS? What's that? Nothing. Carl.

Of course you can. You can call me anything. Thank you for picking the Carl category. Would you like a movie that Carl Reiner directed and is also in from 1979 or 1987? 87? That might have been competing with one of your films. Yeah, so let's go 79.

Okay. Interesting. Interesting. Two and a half stars from Leonard for this movie that he says is hit or miss. You know, some funny moments, some very funny moments, but after a while,

they're spread pretty thin. Pretty, pretty, pretty thin. And he lists eight people. How many peeps? You think he'll take you to figure out this movie that was directed by Carl Reiner and has an appearance like Carl Reiner in it? I can definitely do it in seven names. I was just going to help you out a little bit You can rule out all of your movies

Carl Reiner's never directed or appeared in any of your films He says seven, Jeff Six Apologies to put your hands together Dan Name it Oh Dan name it oh

hold on are you going to come back here next week here? yeah I'm going to be out of town I'm sorry so maybe slow down over there I'm just saying tap the brakes a little bit.

Some people need this. The guests I have lined up next week are I'm super excited about, but I'm also very nervous that they're all going to cancel on me. That's my feeling. I can tell you right now, I'm also very nervous that they're all going to cancel on me. That's my feeling. I can tell you right now I'm free. Okay. So maybe if you come in second or even maybe tie for second today,

then I'll consider having you back next week. Yeah, you know what? I'd really like to do that food eating podcast you do too. Fair enough. Just putting that out there Do you still own any Like dashikis Or have you sort of

Changed your vibe To more of a Security guy look This is a formal attire That I'm currently Wearing right now Formal If

Yeah you know I got a button up Go all the way up to the top With sandals on though Yeah because You never know When you kick them off And it's ready to go.

But if I'm around my house, I tend to go with a kimono and usually just a samurai sword on the inside. How many names does Jeff get? All of them. Five. You got like four. Five. No, it's more than five. get? All of them. Five. You got like four.

Five. No, it's more than five. Six? No. Six. It was six. Five is what I didn't want to do? Six.

Okay. Get confirmation in the audience. Damn it. Okay. It's great when all the eyewitnesses can agree. Your six names, Jeff, are Jackie Mason,

Bill Macy, Dick Anthony Williams, that's just one name, Richard Ward, Mabel King, and Caitlin Adams in a film that has Carl Reiner in it

and he directed it from 1979. Do you have a guess? Is it Oh God? That's not a terrible guess. Right? No, I think it's right's right no he may have directed that but not this is a different film

we're discussing right now the remaining names are Bernadette Peters and Steve Martin and what is it Steven it's the jerk it's the jerk that's right you like that sort of thing yeah I like that guy where he has to leave his house carrying

all of his possessions in his hands i've been there that's like the poster i was looking right at that image as you described it he's got all of his stuff he's got a chair and a ping pong i know i should have gone negative eight Okay, I mean, I know I just said all the names But go ahead, try to go negative eight right now Steve Martin Bernadette Peters Yes Jackie Mason

Robert Ward That's it, no, sorry I got half of them No, no, you're right And Jeff over here and think 50-50 is pretty fucking good. But Dan Schechter

is our winner, everybody. I won. Yay. Cool, man. I'm just going to blow out the next Carl Reiner movie right here and now because I don't want to keep

this category alive anymore. Two and a half stars from Leonard for this movie about a delinquent high school teacher. Of course, Reiner appears in the film as a professor and the movie has okay pacing, according to

Leonard, and he lists does anybody think they know it already? Any audience members? What year was it? He lists the year as 87. Oh, thanks.

Thank you, Stephen. Is it marked for death? You're on top of shit. What, a Carl Reiner movie? Did you just point on me on a podcast? Yeah. Courtney Dorn Smith was in this movie. Shawnee Smith?

Oh, I know, at summer school. At summer school, you weirdo. Oh, that's good. Well, in my defense, I thought we were talking about Rob Reiner until after I bid. In your defense, of course. Now that I know we're talking about Carl Reiner. You didn't understand. But well done.

That was just a little bonus play because Dan is still officially the winner. Where is Cooper Looper over there? Come get all this stuff, dude. Congratulations. Oh, thank you very much. When you get back to your seat, put all that stuff down. If you could do me a favor, if you could put your stuff down when you get back to your seat.

Do you want your sign back is what he was asking you? And if you don't want that Slim Jim, feel free to throw it on back. Yeah, Stephen will be happy to eat your Slim Jim. No, he's going to hang on to it. All right. But could you take the rubber band off the poster and unfurl it for everybody? Because I want everybody to see how fucking cool this movie looks when you look at the poster.

And everybody will make a ooh sound. People at home can just Google it, I guess. If you like this sort of thing, if you like Elmore Leonard, you're going to fucking love this movie. Will Forte, who I texted with today, is very sad that he couldn't be here tonight, but he's working on something. He's great.

He's in it. You know, my good friend Jennifer Aniston, I've worked with her. And she's great in it. Oh yeah, you were on Friends, right? Yeah, my mom calls it Bloomies. I hear about it on Twitter every time it's on Nick at Night.

Do we have the shitheads on the back of your poster? So, Life of Crime, when and where do people see it, Dan? It's August 29th. It'll be in major cities in America on Video On Demand and I hope you guys check it out. It'll mean in major cities in America and video on demand. And I hope you guys check it out. It'll mean the world to me.

And that's it. That's it. I'm glad you won, man. Congrats, Coop. Am I supposed to know who that is? Okay, cool. Oh, just a friend. Okay, good.

What just happened? Some sort of fist punching thing. They don't know that I like to go out on a big laugh. They just give me some guy's name. That's not going to leave everybody... I like this asshole right here. Oh my God, that's an intense one. I'm excited. I'm excited about that one. Don't entirely agree with it, but I still

love that somebody wrote it. And just above it, don't read aloud. So I guess I'm not gonna read it. Ha ha. Jeff, afternoon, everybody's a podcast. Where can people see you live? You got some stand-up coming up? Yeah, the Brew Ha Ha downtown Cincinnati this weekend.

I'm on a show on Friday with the Sklar Brothers. Oh, that's going to be great. And the first week of October at Skyline in Appleton, Wisconsin, and the first week of November at the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. Very nice. Yeah. Steven, where should we look for you, man? Doing signatures at the Chili's.

They just cut my shifts down. But I'm there on Tuesdays for lunch and Thursday nights. And then other than that, I usually hang around the front of this theater. Gunshot Hitman. Gunshot Hitman comes out October 11th with the white dude from CSI. You should go see it. It's going to be great. I just want to figure out which white dude you're talking about.

The really good looking guy with the square head. Ted Danson? No. Ted Danson? He's been on the show forever. He's on the original one. William Peterson? The very first one?

I said William Peterson earlier. No, his last name's like something Eads or something. George Eads. George Eads? Oh. What the fuck? That's... How long ago was his character go away?

It's been a while, right? I don't even remember that guy. I mean, now I know who we're talking about. He's still around. He's still in it? No, he just did the movie with me. It comes out October 11th. Called Gunshot Hitman. I heard it's action-packed

and that critics are calling it full-blown Eats. Oh. Definitely get a kick out of it. Thank you to all my guests. Thank you, Dan Schachter. Thank you, Jeff T of it Thank you to all my guests Thank you Dan Schachter Thank you Jeff Tate Thank you Master Steven Seagal Konnichiwa Look for him in situations

Where safety is required And as always Tim Dimock Is a shithead And People wasting water during a drought As always, Tim Dimock is a shithead. And people wasting water during a drought because of an ice bucket challenge are shitheads. Now it's time we're done to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold is viewing prowess makes it cocky.

There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies.