Doug Loves Movies - The 12 Guests of Xmas 2 with Scott Rogowsky, Chris Gethard and 10 more guests

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

On Night 2 of the 12 Guests of Xmas at the Gramercy Theatre in New York City, Doug welcomes Desmin Borges, Rob Cantrell, Erin Darke, Chris Gethard, Ted Geoghegan, Griffin Newman, Jesse Pasternack, Sam Pasternack, Scott Rogowsky, Geoff Tate, Shane Torres and Greg Wyshynski to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates Candy wrappers screaming, Baby sticky seats with 50 ads and popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. I'm sorry. Ho, ho, ho, everybody.

My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you for night two of the 12 Guests of Christmas at the Gramercy Theater in New York City. We're doing it, you guys. Who in the audience heard the show from last night? I mean, I know some of you probably were here, but I mean, who just heard it?

A few of you, okay. So, remember the part where I was upset that there were six microphones? I contacted them today and said, three microphones, please, and here we are with six microphones. So we'll see how that works out.

But to help me out here in the first part of the show, for reasons I'll explain in just a second, from the About Last Night podcast, give it up, everybody, for Adam Ray. Hey, Adam, just grab a mic and a seat. Perfect.

Yeah, thanks for coming by. New York City! Yeah, they already cheered for that. Oh, they still went for it again. Suckers. But you have a flight tonight, but it's delayed a little bit, so you can hang out for a second. Hang out for a little bit.

I don't think I'm going to be able to participate in the game. Yeah, because I explained to him that we don't get to the game part for a while on these 12 guest episodes, but I'm still excited that you could come by. And let me just ask you all, this is good practice for later. Great. Let me ask you all the things that I ask each of my guests once we get all 12 of them out here. Fire away. What do you got to

plug? I got this flight coming up tonight. Okay, wow. You guys are going to just laugh. Yeah, no, I got... What else did you want him to do? What flight is it? I don't like the way you asked that.

To be quite honest. How tired are your arms going to be? Yeah. That was common. Are you on that flight? Yeah. Okay, I'm definitely Are you on that flight? Yeah. Okay, I'm definitely not getting on that flight. It really feels like Adam hasn't gotten word that this is a really long show.

He's just stretching. Plugs. I got the podcast about last night that I do with Brad Williams. You guys know who Brad Williams is? Yeah. Great comedian, also a little person, which is the shit. Having a dwarf best friend is truly, truly the greatest thing that's happened. He's in my top three little people of all time.

Me too. Him, Dinklage, and Sonny Bono. Sonny Bono. He's always left off the list. Right. But not this holiday season. Yeah, he was a shrimpkin. What a great word.

Yeah, he's great. And he drives, and he's just fucking the best. Yeah, I didn't know. Who are you playing for, and what did you bring for the prize bag? No, finally, what was the last movie you saw? In theaters or at home? Any format. Great.

A Star is Born. Thank you. People love it. I had nothing to do with it. People love it. Did you like it? I did like it. I think it's going to get a lot of attention because Hollywood loves a story.

Right? So I think everyone's like, Lady Gaga. I didn't know she could act. You know, and then they'll probably give her a statue. Bradley Cooper, I think, did a good job. You know what I thought was. She'll get nominated. She'll win at the Globes.

She'll win the Globes. If they call it a musical or comedy. But I think they might have entered the drama category. Ooh. So who knows what'll happen. Yeah. Those categories over at the Golden Globes are all fucked up. They're all fucked up.

I think Sam Elliott will get a nice little... I hope so because all Bradley Cooper's doing is a Sam Elliott impression. Right? You should have just called it Bradley Cooper's Sam Elliott. Yeah, it's just like I'll cast Sam Elliott as my dad then I'll just talk like him.

Sam? Sam? Yeah, it's just like, I'll cast Sam Elliott as my dad, then I'll just talk like him. Like, just have that really... Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But they're both great in it, and it's great, and I like it a lot. It was a good one. It was, it made me, you know, I think, you know, every comedian wants to be a rock star, right? I can't wait for it to be available on planes. I do love plane movies.

I want to be able to watch it on planes. It's a good plane movie. And I'll tell you this, without knowing Bradley Cooper, I hear he's a very nice man, but I bet he's very jealous that we tell jokes, that we know how to tell jokes.

Fuck yeah. And isn't that crazy? He put Chappelle in there just so he could hang out. Because he's fucking got it all. Why does he need jokes? You're yelling at me like I'm Bradley Cooper.

Listen, listen, Adam. He wrote it. He wrote it. He directed it. He stars in it. He took home the dog from it. Is that confirmed? Yes. Here's why I wouldn't want to watch that.

Here's why I don't want to watch that movie on a plane, because I know I'll cry. And the last movie that I cried to on a plane was Wonder. Have you ever seen the movie Wonder? Oh, my God, yeah. I cried to on a plane was Wonder. Have you ever seen the movie Wonder? Oh, my God, yeah. I was so drunk on planes a lot, but, man, it happened, and it got the waterworks going. If you haven't seen Wonder, spoiler alert, Julia Roberts is in it.

And I don't know why that was a spoiler. When a movie makes me cry on a plane, I just turn to the person next to me and says, my psychic told me this flight wasn't going to work out. Oh, man. But anyway, good luck with your flight tonight. Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy whatever you watch or sleep through on the plane.

Let's hear it for Adam Ray, everybody. Thank you, guys. Have a lot of fun in New York. I love you, Doug. Yeah, we'll see you soon, dude. I'm going to make my first appearance on the About Last Night podcast sometime

in the next month, I think. Doug plugs. 12 guests of Christmas West Coast begin Sunday, December 2nd, continues Monday, December 3rd at Largo in Los Angeles. I'll be at the Emerald Cup in Santa Rosa, California at the Sonoma County Fairgrounds on

December 15th and 16th. And Doug Loves Movies comes to Austin, Texas on December 29th at 420 at Cap City. I'm not mad at you because of Ted Cruz, but I kind of am. For all... I'm not mad at Austin. I think it's the rest of the state. For all of my dates and dates and links,

oh my, go to DougLolosmovies.com. Yes, douglosmovies.com! Yeah! Yeah! From the corrections department, I didn't read the shithead on the back of that Grammarlin's name tag on last night's show,

so here it goes. Die Hard 5 is a shit. I like that he doesn't even respect it enough to give it its actual name on a show where we insist on the actual names. Let's look at the prize bag, what I brought for tonight.

I mean, I'm not going to lie to you guys. I didn't go that hard because I know you're going to have stuff from 12 different people. Like, for instance, this was just in the green room backstage, so I threw it in the bag. I don't know what this means. It's a bag

of goldfish, Pepperidge Farm goldfish, but then it says, flavor blasted. I don't want my fucking food flavor blasted. I don't want my fucking food flavor blasted. Yeah, well, finger blasted all day long, but don't fucking flavor blast it. Flavor blast sounds like Guy Fieri spits something up.

I got two sippy cups in the bag because I've been seeing Broadway shows like a person that likes them. I saw the Cher show, which, oh my, you guys, I'm just going to share one little, get it, Cher? One little tidbit. Speaking of Sonny Bono, Sonny Bono is in the show. He's played by a small dude who sings like Sonny Bono and in the show he's played by a small dude who sings like Sonny Bono

and the audience laughs at him but then Sonny Bono of course in real life died and he died by skiing into a tree and yeah you go into the Cher show

well how are they going to handle this? And it turns out they handle it by Sonny walking back out on stage after he's supposed to be dead and having a conversation with Cher from beyond. And he says, she's like, what the hell, man? You've died hitting a tree? And he goes, yeah, I just didn't see it coming. And she goes, I bet died hitting a tree. And he goes, yeah, I just didn't see it coming. And she goes,

and she goes, she goes, I bet it was a short tree. Because she's always making short jokes about them all the time. But now she's fucking burning Sonny's ghost for our entertainment. I don't remember what show this sippy cup was from. Maybe the Waverly Gallery

with Michael Sarah and Elaine May is amazing in it I got some gift cards for a place called Empire Steakhouse this isn't a Mark Norman thing where it doesn't have anything on it I swear to you it has $25 on it

but also keep in mind the winner, I used one of these tonight, and they said to me, how much is on this? And then I told them a figure, and then they went back. Like, I wish I had told them more, you know what I'm saying? Like, they didn't know how much it was good for, they just trusted me to say an amount.

So if you win this tonight, you know, say 50, see what happens. And, oh, and this is, I've been carrying this around in my suitcase for a while because I thought it was really funny to have my suitcase set up so that when somebody in the, you know, baggage handling has to, you know, look through my bag randomly, that when they flip the bag open, this is what they would see. It was just like right there in their faces. For the listeners, it's an artist rendering of Two-Face as played by Aaron Watts' face in Dark Knight. And it was made by Gonzo1392 on Twitter and GonzoTheNerdart on Instagram. So that's going in the bag too, plus

stuff brought by my 12 guests. You guys want to meet the guests tonight? Of course, three of these folks are coming back after being in the top three last night, and this is going to be a real fight to the finish tonight please give it up for Desmond Borges Rob Cantrell Aaron dart Chris Gethard Ted

Gagan Griffin Newman Jesse Pasternak Scott Rogowski Shane Torres Greg Wyshynski and Jeff Tate All right, so again, I begin the show by apologizing to 11 of my guests for the exuberance of the audience in favor of one of you on this stage. Yeah. Did that guy just change his vote? What? Are you one of those people that voted and then put on a disguise and then voted again? Let's meet them individually.

And we will start with the front row, because this is what we did last night. And also, it's fun to say front row, because that's what Scooby-Doo says when he's in trouble. Remember, Jeff, how hard you laughed at that when i said it last night got you again buddy i mean i'm still laughing it sounds like scooby-doo's worried he's he's apprehensive about what's coming next we got a few newbies up here and two of them are directly to my left, so let's start with one of them. You know him from the latest version of The Tick. It's Griffin Newman, everybody.

You have a microphone? Just make sure you get your hands on one of those. I do now. Yeah, yeah. You want to say hello to the listeners as well as the folks that are just sitting in front of us? Thank you, folks. Yeah. And just get a – there's only six mics for 12 of you, so you just have to get your hands on one whenever you think it's your turn to speak.

And thank you for being here. Thank you for reaching out. Well, I was going to say thank you for acquiescing to my very desperate pleas to be here. On Twitter, he asked me a few times, but then also some of his fan base jumped in and told me what a great idea it would be. And so that gets me excited that you and your fans are excited about doing this.

Yeah, there's one person clapping or just swatting away a bug. There's a clap. There's a clap. Yeah, there's a clap. That's swatting away a bug. There's a clap. There's a clap. Yeah, there's a clap. That's a distinct clap. Totally clappy.

Yeah. So I'm going to go through and introduce everybody, but I want quick answers to four questions. And we're going to find out your answers after we do this. Ladies and gentlemen on this stage, ladies and gentlemen on this stage, pick your name tags. We got lots of great ones for you to choose from.

I didn't ask to see them earlier, as I should have. So I'll try to talk everybody through this a little bit. We got a shakes on a plane. Snakes, Anna. Snakes, Anna plane. Now I get it. Are there any up in the back seats? You guys just comfortable up there? Just chilling?

I love it. Thank you for being here. Hey, Carrie movie. You could have just done the movie Carrie. You wouldn't have had to done anything. You wouldn't have had to remove an S. I see some name tags from last night. They're getting overlooked. I don't care for that. I think anybody that comes twice should have another shot.

And while Jeff Tate's still looking, we're going to go to this brief commercial message. Today's show is brought to you in part by FleetWit. Everyone's an expert in something, and FleetWit is the trivia app where it pays to be smart. FleetWit offers trivia games 24-7 where you can challenge players one-on-one or in daily live races

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much fun to play. It's addictive. If I don't stop, you may never hear Doug Loves Movies again. Fleetwood has awarded over 1 million cash prizes and you can start winning today just for doug loves movies listeners enter the code dlm at checkout where new users will get

20 free credits go to fleetwit.com slash dlm or download fleetwit from the app store today go win some money already fleetwit it pays to be smart. Back to the show. We're back. Excellent job. Such a pleasant group of people here tonight celebrating the holidays by not screaming and yelling, pick me, pick me. And I think we got some pretty nice selections here. And I'll start with you, Griffin. Who are you playing for? I'm playing for the Muppet Christmas Anna.

It is a shame her name isn't Carol, but this is a beautiful hand-painted. This is no Photoshop job. Oh, yeah, no, it's still sticky. Some of that paint. Paint, glitter. Is on one. No, it's still sticky. Some of that paint. Paint, glitter. Is on one of my hands now. Electric wiring.

Yeah, it's really nice. And like you pointed out, Carol and Anna are nothing alike. No, they're not. But people have been doing that lately. Yeah. It's really special. They're alike in that they're both words. Oh, and good. I got glitter on me,

which is, you know, that's fun. Yeah. Because I was hoping there would be something on my body that I might not be able to get rid of entirely until sometime in the first quarter of 2019. Griffin, what would you like to plug? Is there anything you'd like to plug? Because tonight, when people start to lose,

I ask them to just leave the stage. Yeah, it's brutal. But we just want to keep going in the competition. So do your plug now. I host a podcast about movies. It's not about us loving movies, so it's not competition. It's called Blank Check with Griffin and David.

I host with David Sims of The Atlantic. And The Tick Season 2 is coming out in some date that I cannot disclose because they have not settled on it in the first quarter of 2019. It'll come out when the glitter comes off your hands. Yeah. Roughly around the same time.

Seems like about, yeah, about the same because I'm already, I'm working feverishly at it and it's really, really, really sticking on. Q1-19. So thank you for that, however. Thank you, Anna, for the glitter problem. Should make a sequel to It Follows. You know, you don't die, but you...

Glit follows? Exactly. Thank you. And what was the last movie that you saw? I saw Ralph Breaks the Internet right before coming here. Right before? Right before. Did it get you hyped up for this?

It did. I was trying to get in a competitive head space, and I feel like Ralph is one of the best gamers out there. It's an intense movie. There's lots of car chases with Vanellope. Yeah, yeah. Very exciting. A lot of Shank.

New character Shank. Yeah, be careful how you say that. America loves shank. What are you talking about? Has America got shank fever? Everybody loves shank. What? Shank, shank, shank with an S.

What are you, inventing racist words? With an S. America loves shank. It's a great film. Great film. Who doesn't love being shanked? Yeah, I mean, that's interesting. That's a children's film.

One of the characters is named after stabbing somebody in the gut. I thought it was pretty bold. Yeah, it is pretty cool. Yeah, I mean, that's interesting. It's a children's film, and one of the characters is named after stabbing somebody in the gut. I thought it was pretty bold. Yeah, it is pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I think I asked you, oh, and what do you have for the prize bag? I brought all the remaining swag I have left over from the Tick Season 1 promotional tour. So I got a bag. I love it.

It's a beautiful big bag. It's got straps. I have a poncho, an iPhone case that might not work with newer iPhone models, a set of pins, enamel pins, a headband, a hat with antenna, and then a graphic novel of the original

technique. A hat with antenna. I want to wear that. A hat with antenna that Doug has now claimed. It's a nice hat. And this bag represents the entire promotional budget of season two. Hang on a second.

I just got to change this thing to all. Yep. All. The biggest head out there. Oh, yes. Yes. Good hat. Thanks for the hat.

Thank you for being here. And just, you know, no hard feelings, you guys. I'll put my sunglasses in the bag. They say my free cams on them. All right. So enjoy that. And thank you for being here, Griffin. You did everything perfectly.

Yeah. Relax. Relax and enjoy your coffee. I feel like you're going to be really competitive. Speaking of competitions, I am addicted to a competition that you can play on your phone. And this next gentleman is the host on it for more than half of the time.

It feels like. Give it up, everybody everybody for Scott Rogowski hello hashtag DLM you probably get some sort of weird corporation I don't know if there's too much about Doug Loves Movies there

you could hashtag Doug Loves Movies there. You could hashtag Doug Loves Movies. Doug also loves HQties. Oh. I cannot believe you. You just got turned on to this thing in July. Was it Nick Swartzen? I was at the Just for Laughs Festival in Canada, sitting at the bar with Nick Swartzen, just getting drunk.

And he was like, here's a fun thing to do when you're sitting in a bar getting drunk. And he pointed out HQ to me, and we'd sit there every night and watch it, and you were on it. And then when you found out I was doing it, you gave me a shout-out on it, which is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And yeah, so it's been great.

And also, we were concerned. There was a chance you weren't going to... Originally, you told me you weren't going to. Originally, you told me you couldn't be here. I know. I was originally supposed to be flying out of the country tonight to go to. I'm starting my three-week vacation today. Okay.

I'm taking a nice long break, and I'm flying to Scotland. I was going to be tonight, but it's not going to be Wednesday night. My sister is pregnant, and she's keeping it. And giving birth to it any day now. So I'm going to witness that. So that's your vacation, is you're going to just hang out and watch that? I'm going to hang out with this shitty baby and be an uncle for once.

You don't know if it's shitty yet. Well, no, the shitty was more an adjective to the shit coming out of it that I'll probably have to be cleaning up. Wait, does like everybody she knows have to chip in on this front? I mean, why do you have to do it? I assume that's one of the uncle-y duties. I don't think.

As an uncle, I never did it, and I have 17 nieces. I've got a lot of uncles, and I'm fucking glad. They all just did each other. What? I got a lot of uncles, and'm fucking glad they all just did each other what I got a lot of uncles and I'm glad none of them ever did that yeah stay away

uncle I'm not ready to be an uncle yet that's the I don't think I'm ready you didn't discuss this with me clearly if you think you need to change the diapers yeah

do I also have to send racist emails is that part of being like where do you find the racist emails to then forward them that's what I'm gonna have to send racist emails? Is that part of being, like, where do you find the racist emails to then forward them? That's what I'm going to have to figure out. They just start coming.

They just show up. Like, when you turn 55, they go, you want to be in the AARP? But I'm not 55. I'm a young uncle. Yunkle. Hashtag. Hashtag yunkle.

Scott, what did you come up with from the audience? It looks like yours lights up. Mine lights up and it comes with snacks. This is Dude Warrick's My Car. Oh, because his name is Eric. I guess Eric is the name. And he was in the front row and it was very easy for me to reach. It's a terrific Photoshop of me as one of those two guys. I guess Eric is the name. And he was in the front row, and it was very easy for me to reach.

It's a terrific Photoshop of me as one of those two guys. I believe that's Afton Kutcher. Yeah, I'm totally Kutcher in it. And it lights up. Are these Tasty Cakes? What are they, Tasty Cakes? Ooh. Yeah.

All right. Do you eat that sort of thing, Scott? My younger self did, so I could. Yeah, here we go. Oh, here we go. Oh, there's one. Here, give me the other one. Okay, other one's going to Dougie boy.

Who wants it? Doug Benson lines up. He searches the crop. Spots his target. You ready? Hashtag Cy Young More like Lou Gehrig So What'd you bring for the prize bag, Scott? Oh, self-aggrandizing things here.

Yeah, that's how it works. I have a Quiz Daddy t-shirt that nobody wants or is excited about. And the fun fact about this t-shirt... I just think none of us want a Quiz Daddy. Regular daddies are bad enough. You don't need one that's asking a lot of questions. I need a quiz uncle shirt now. But fun fact about this shirt,

the CEO of Scrub Daddy, not a fan. And I have been ceaseded and desisted. So I have to get rid of these. So that's I cannot sell them I must give them out and also a baseball card one of my baseball cards

Doug I got a baseball card did you get one? I did not we're going to hook you up we're going to make it happen I say we because I used to work at Topps where they make these so maybe why I got one this year

but anyway I'd love to have one and that's what you brought. Yeah. Is that enough? And the tote bag. It's totally enough. Which says, chomp down on plastic.

Which is something that I stand for. Of course, crocodiles or alligators, whichever that is, are very anti-plastic. I'd also like to thank Scott. He was giving out free lives in HQ backstage. Like they were like samples of Panda Express. Like everybody got one and it was beautiful. Yeah, how'd you like the art? You were great in Flatliners.

Another Oliver Platt. That's another Oliver Platt joke, yes. I dressed down though today. You don't look as much like him as last night, but I trust that some people have a good memory. I'm trying to have running gags. If you could come out to L.A. I'll try to get the actual Oliver Platt to sit next to you. We can finally prove that he's not you and you're not him.

Because whenever I talk to him, I ask him hockey questions. He has no idea what I'm talking about. Scott, I beg your pardon. Yeah, pardon the interruption. What else do we need to talk to you about? Oh, last movie you saw? Oh, does a documentary about Norman Lear count? Sure does.

Well, that's what I saw. Did he have that hat on? Oh, he kept the hat on the whole time. Yeah, he's always got that hat on. Just another version of you. Just another version of you. Just another version of you. That's the name of the movie. That is the, yes, that is.

All right, you're not getting any points for that, Sam. Damn it. It was very well done and touching, and he's an old man. All right. So Scott's basically into touching old men. Support old men is what I'm saying. Okay. Touching old men. And old men is what I'm saying. Okay. Touching old men.

And what would you like to plug? What's coming up after your three-week vacation? I want to plug this movie called Just Another Version of You about Norman Lear. And I have one gig on the calendar in the new year at Foxwoods. The gigantic casino. And tickets are not selling well. So January 11th, if you live in or around the Mashantucket, Connecticut area, I'd love to see you.

Mashantucket is what I do to my shirts. Points? Is it too late to book an opener? Because if Jeff opens for you I bet you can get a real good turnout There you go If I can use that joke You can have that joke Mash and tuck it I think that's all the questions I have for you.

Awesome. Even though you have so many questions for me every night. He's so good. He's so good. Let's give it up, everybody, for the lady. It's Aaron Dark, everybody. Hey. Hi.

Currently starring in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel as nice co-worker. Yeah. You can tell I'm really starting in it. I haven't seen the whole season yet. I'm currently binging it whenever I fly. And I hope your character doesn't turn into somebody bad or something. Yeah, so there's a lot of evil character plot twists on that show. So who knows? Yeah, it's interesting because I love Tony Shalhoub.

But then I get so sad that he's so rigid and mean to his daughter. Yeah, but it's funny. It's funny? Funny. No, I love it. I love the dialogue. I love how many F-bombs are fucking thrown in that show. Yeah, it's really a great watch.

So who are you playing for? I'm playing for my cousin Rachel. All right, you know, we don't like people who just play for somebody that they're related to. We like people to, you know, reach out to a stranger. No, I really appreciated the low production values of this sign. Right, because that's the name of the movie, right?

Yeah, that's the actual name of the movie. Didn't have to change shit, you know, over here. And the first time I saw the poster, I was like, did you catch Rachel Weisz just because she was the first Rachel you thought of? And so when I saw this sign and I saw how much this girl didn't think I was going to pick her sign, I really wanted it. I think it's a play on my cousin Vinny. No, there's a movie called My Cousin Rachel and this is the actual poster. I see. I'm aware of this now.

Now, that's Joe Pesci right there. No, it's... And that's Marissa... No, that is Rachel Weisz. Yeah, Rachel Weisz would not appreciate... And the star of My Cousin Rachel. And Fred Gwynn right here. No, that's Cillian Murphy, right? Looks And Fred Gwynn, right here. No, that's Killian Murphy, right?

Looks like Fred Gwynn to me. No, it's some other British dude. I don't know who. Okay. Hopefully he's not the topic today. It's Tom Hardy. No, it isn't. He's British.

Yes. All right. I didn't know what we were playing. Did we start? Ooh, if name a British actor is the topic today, it would be really cool. Erin, what did you bring for the prize bag? Well, I may or may not have forgotten about the prize bag

until I saw your Twitter message at 5 p.m. today. So I have, in this Ziploc bag, because it was raining, I have a Kit Kat. So I have in this Ziploc bag, because it was raining, I have a Kit Kat. I have a pair of socks that say, I identify as a badass. And then I also have this coupon for Bed Bath & Beyond that gives you a free gift up to a $13.50 value with any $10 purchase. Fuck yeah. And what happens with the plastic baggie? What?

What happens with the plastic baggie? Okay. I mean, do you want, should I include the Ziploc bag? Alright, okay. Everybody needs those for TSA and whatnot. It's true, it's true. They're very handy. You guys are actually lucky that I didn't just bring in a giant Ziploc

full of leftover mashed potatoes from Thursday because I've been trying to get rid of them all week. Oh, I would have eaten those. Oh, fuck. I should have brought them. I'll take them. Sounds good. Sounds good. And what was the last movie you saw? The Front Runner. Ooh, the

Gary Hart thing. Yes. Donna Rice. Yes. Just keep naming people. Played by Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman? Yes and no. Wait, who's the lady in it? I can't remember her name, but she was the star of that movie, Aquamarine. Oh, right.

But also it's like Vera Farmiga. Oh, she's in it too? I don't know why the girl from Aquamarine was what came out first. But yeah, Vera Farmiga's also in it. Cool. Yeah, it was very good. And you liked it? I did.

I liked it a lot. I heard it was kind of fun, actually. Yeah, I think it's filmed in a super interesting way that I'd never quite seen before. There's just a lot happening on screen at all times. So I feel like you could watch it two or three times and kind of see a different movie every time. All right. I'll try it once.

See what happens. Yeah. I'm not going to dive right in and watch it three or four times. Well, that's going to be my choice. All right. Well, I'm just suggesting. And what's, uh, what do you got to plug? What's coming up for you?

Uh, well, the second season of Maisel comes out on Amazon Prime on December 5th. Oh, soon. Yeah, very soon. And then,

I did this TV show called Dietland. The whole first season of that is on Hulu. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah,

that's about it. Cool, thanks for being here. Yeah, thanks for having me. Happy to represent 50% of the population by myself. Yeah, I've got to have a conversation with the asshole who books this show.

Yeah, that guy. Because that guy is all about the patriarchy and that's not me. It's not my style. But thank you. Let's not me. That's not my style. But thank you. Let's say hello to the brother from the same mother. It's Sam Pasternak, everybody. Brother of Jesse on stage together in a grudge match.

For the first time? They haven't spoken in minutes. We're finally bringing them back together. This is the first time we've done the show together. It is, yes. This is the first time. I did the second night of 12 guests last year, and he did the first night,

and now we're both on the same show. Now it's head to head, and you went out and purposely chose a giant fucking Infinity War glove hand to vanquish all comers. I wanted to intimidate my brother, who people don't know this about Jesse. He's actually seven feet tall, 250 pounds,

so the listeners at home don't know. Jesse's a big intimidating man. I certainly am. big intimidating man. I certainly am. I can just see them practicing that one in the bathroom. Just great rapport, Doug. I'm tall.

I am playing for Infinity Julie. You guys go out to clubs and win over the ladies with that routine? I've broken a lot of chairs in my life. I'm tall. You sound like a couple of wild and crazy guys. Tall people break chairs, you guys. He's stealing my time, Doug. Not fat ones.

Oh, you don't have any. There's no clock on this. time, Doug. Not fat ones. Oh, you don't have any. You don't have, there's no clock on this. Okay, good. Obviously. So what, where'd you get that infinity glove? I got this from Infinity Julie. Very clever. Which I assume that it's because Julie sounds like jewel, which is not what the stones are

called, but okay. which is not what the stones are called, but okay. And now, aren't you worried that that won't come off or that it's got anthrax inside? Either way, it's fine, Doug. I've got nothing to do and nowhere to be. All right. Okay, so there's your plugs. We got that out of the way.

What are you... I got things to say. What are you contributing I got things to say. What are you contributing to the prize bag? What I brought for the prize bag. The gloves are off, everybody. The gloves are off. So I'm producing this animated pilot called Action Dinosaur, starring Kyle Kinane. starring Kyle Kinane.

Oh. It's an animated short and pilot about an action dinosaur, a kick-ass dinosaur from the prehistoric 1980s who time travels and kicks ass. So I brought from that an art print that Kyle signed of action dinosaur and action ninja being all badass and jumping out of a volcano, playing guitar, skateboarding.

I can't think of a better person to play that than Canaan. I also brought Doug a coupon for a free chicken sandwich at Shake Shack. And this folder, if you want it, Doug. Nope. Okay. Good on folders. Last movie you saw, Sam. The Unsinkable Molly Brown

okay you're weird why did you find yourself watching that Filmstruck is ending next week and I was looking for a musical with a family sat down to watch a musical, and we found The Unsinkable Molly Brown, which our mother loves,

and Jesse and my dad was watching football downstairs, and Jesse and my mom and I sat down to watch the movie. About ten minutes into the movie, Jesse went, nope, and walked out of the living room. Wow, you're willing to watch football over that.

Well, the first ten minutes are strikingly similar to Pag to Two, and I thought there was some plagiarism stuff, so I had to stop. This is true. This is true. You know what? If you guys are going to keep doing these bits, you've already worked out. You're not twins, but you do finish each other's stories. But you liked it? You watched the whole thing with your mom i watched the whole thing with my mom and i was glad that i did because i didn't know what was going to happen at the end of the movie and it's a very fun thing for someone who

does not know what's going to happen in that movie to find out what happens at the end so i'm not going to say does she stink well jeff she's called the unsinkable Molly Brown because she was on the Titanic and she was a survivor and that's the twist. I didn't know that she was on the Titanic so I watched this movie and the resolution, it's basically

everyone that she meets in her life and in her community dislikes her except for a few select people who she goes to vacation with in Europe and then at the end of the movie she's on the Titanic in the last ten minutes, the boat sinks, and she helps to save some people, and then everyone likes her at the end.

It's a very weird earning of people's respect. You know that she's one of the main characters in the movie Titanic, right? Because she is. I'm not familiar with that film. That's how I knew. I've never seen The Unsinkable Molly Brown, but I knew she was from Titanic, and I also knew that Unsinkable Molly Brown

is my favorite thing to call a gigantic turd. Who left this Unsinkable Molly Brown in here? And then you think of Kathy Bates, and it makes it even more fun. So... And then you think of Kathy Bates and it makes it even more fun. Unsinkable. She's alive, damn it. It's a miracle. Unsinkable.

I wish Unsinkable Molly Brown was about a witch who tricked everybody into thinking she wasn't a witch. That's what I thought going in, Doug. All right. Do you have any plugs? Sure.

I'm not trying to force you to say stuff here. No, I got plugs. I could say things. I got this glove. No, I have a movie podcast called Is This the Movie? It's me and three improvisers. We watch the trailer for a movie that's coming out

the following week, and then we improvise the entire movie as we think it'll be. So we did Wreck-It Ralph 2 Ralph Breaks the Internet last week. And that's available wherever you get your podcasts. Very nice. That sounds fun. Thanks, Doug.

I'd check that out if I checked things out. You don't check things out. You don't check things out. I don't check things out. Thank you. Wait. Did you predict Shank? Wait. Did you predict that Shank Fever was going to sweep

the nation? We did. We absolutely did. We guessed a character named Shank. Also Action Dinosaur the Kyle Kinane character, has his own Twitter and Instagram at Action, A-K-S-H-U-N, Dinosaur. Nobody's going to write that down. It's Kyle's thing.

But thank you for being here. Thanks for having me, Doug. Thank you. Let's say hello to... He's been on the show once before, but this is his first time in the place he calls home, New York City. It's Shane Torres, everybody. We should have brought snacks. This is taking a while.

Yeah, it's, you know, it turned out it was a wise move sitting in the front row. Yeah, for sure. Desmond over here. We're not getting him for a while. Maybe ever. Sounded like a thinly veiled threat to me. Desmond's like, you're the worst. Get your giant brother to stop him.

No, let him speak. giant brother to stop him. No, let him speak. I'm the Tony Clifton of this pair. Shane, what did you bring for the prize bag? Let's start there. I brought this tote bag from the Flyover Comedy Festival in St. Louis that had

the, it was the swag they gave me when I did it. There's also a bottle of wine from my attorney in there. Who was... Two-thirds full. Yeah. Who was Chunk in the Goonies. So if you really give a shit about...

I get hot legal representation. And then there's a couple of copies of my album and special from Comedy Central Records on there. What's his name? Something Cohen? Yeah, Jeff Cohen. Jeff Cohen, yeah. Yeah, sweetheart.

Looks great. Always follows around Fleetwood Mac. That's all I know about him, really. That's all it takes to get me to have an attorney. All the best agents are traveling in on planes all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Hard to reach, probably. Eh, he's not too concerned with me. Have an attorney. All the best agents are traveling in on planes all the time. Yeah. Yeah.

Hard to reach, probably. He's not too concerned with me. No, I know. You should be concerned with him is what I'm saying. So it is. Speaking of being concerned for people, who are you playing on behalf of tonight? I am playing on behalf of Megan Powers, and she did a lovely job on this poster. You are Heather Graham, and

I think this is Tina Fey with a bob cut as Austin Powers, but I'm not sure. Is that you? Okay. And I picked it because she was closest to me.

And there's an envelope on the back that says, do not open. I know! Fuck off! No, that's when you... It says, do not open. I wasn't going to open it. Everybody gets excited, like something that matters is about to... Yeah, it's not anthrax.

Kill the fuck out. You could hear the shithead twice, it won't kill anybody. Yeah. You could hear it now, and then not anthrash. Chill the fuck out. You could hear the shithead twice. It won't kill anybody. Yeah. You could hear it now and then again at the end. Thank you. And if you're smoking enough weed, it'll be a nice surprise at the end. Thank you, Doug.

Yeah. All right. I meant to tell everybody that earlier, because it is funny how excited they get when somebody almost reads it. I know, right? How much does it matter? It matters. Like, Brian's a dick or whatever.

It means that much. Yeah? Yeah, people are into it. Okay, I won't read it, but now I kind of want to. Okay, I'll read it. We'll read it eventually. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, and what do you plug in?

I have a new series coming out with Comedy Central called Shane Conquers Fear. And that's just when I have my friends come on and figure out what their phobia is and then make them confront it. It's positive fear factor essential. I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's HQ time. Oh, my God.

No. Put it away. Shut it down. Glad this happened during our love. Peace. Oh, it's Matt Money Flippin' Richards! You're literally the world's biggest HQ fan. I've never met anyone who's more into you

and your own celebrity. Who shouldn't be giving a shit about stuff like this. All right. When the questions come up, I'll read them out loud to everybody and we'll see how we do. Matt's going to talk for a while. He's going to be, Savage question one.

All right. He knows the dances. What else? Of the backup hosts. This week on Wednesday, I'll be at Motor Lounge in Cincinnati, if anybody wants to come to that. And I'll be at the Club Cafe in Pittsburgh on Friday night, if anybody. Yes.

But yeah, I'm OK at stand-up, so it's fine. And what was the last motion picture you saw in any format? I saw the new Creed this weekend. Creed 2. Yes. And I saw the new Robin Hood this weekend. Oh, okay. Well, if they were in a fight, which one would win?

Well, I fell asleep during one of them. Oh, let me guess. It was the one that was in the woods? Yeah. Yeah. He trains in the woods in Crete, too. Oh, okay. Yeah.

All right. Well, you know, I get it. You don't want to go too hard on these movies, because you never know when somebody making them wants to cast you in something. Yeah. I'm sure I'll be in the next Robin Hood movie. I could see you as a young friar.

Yeah. Yeah, I think I could play that. Friar tuck your shirt in? Friar mash and tuck my shirt in? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'll be in mash and tuck, too, the week after you. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Sold out.

I'm opening for Burt Kreischer. It's not because of me. I'm very happy for you. Oh, shit, you guys. Not a burn at all. Oh, my God. HQ's going to have a Seinfeld night. Yeah, about me.

Oh, that's exciting. Don't play. Don't play. It's going to be while you're on vacation. I really prefer if none of you play. While you're on vacation, that's going to have a Seinfeld night. Yeah. Oh, that's exciting. Don't play. Don't play. It's going to be while you're on vacation. I really prefer if none of you play. While you're on vacation, that's going to happen? I just want no one playing anymore. Okay.

I'm going to stop once I've won $2. I'm up to $1.62. Yeah. I'm committed to this. I really want to leave, so please don't play anymore. Okay, hang on, you guys. We have the chance to play a really gigantic practical joke. Get everyone you know to play so that he still has to work there.

I don't have that kind of pulse, Scott Don't worry about it I think everyone's going to take your side And stop playing Oh, here's question one What makes the house in Up fly? Oh, it's thousands of balloons I know!

The first three questions are easy! This happens to be movie Monday. We actually got... No way! Yes, we're in luck here. Oh my God, we got this! They're all movie... They're all...

You actually... Yeah, with all these people, you will win. You're going to win. If we don't win, that'll be so bad. Oh my God, just everybody's screaming the answer at me. I love it. Are we really stopping to play trivia? We're only through...

We're through four and a half intros.'re only through four and a half intros. We are through four and a half intros. We're not stopping to play trivia. We're starting to play trivia. Oh, shit. The Blind Side is a film primarily about what? Football. Shit.

And other choices are ping pong and gymnastics. If we don't win and this many people are here, it's a fucking catastrophe. But they come so fast, I don't know if I can read them fast enough. Doug, you also have an eraser because Greg Wyshynski and I are both playing also. Oh, shit.

Hell yeah, you got an eraser. Gained an eraser. Appearing on this podcast continues to confuse me so much. Well, this is the podcast where you play another game with him. Come on, Matt. Guys, focus up. You're going to win 48 cents when this is all said and done. Question three.

Armageddon. Which song does the cast of the 80s classic Big Joe? I have now called it out twice, and we are still doing it. A2 brought to beg. The other choices are Despacito and Thank You Next. Big Chill is a little older than that. That's the joke. This is totally surreal.

I'm so happy this happened during my plugs. Jesus Christ. I thought you did them all. No, I got millions of them. It's fine. ScottRigowski.com. Just come to Pittsburgh for bucks. You're actually going to play this again?

Oh, now they're showing the clip of Jeff Goldblum dancing around. What is happening? This William Hurdle ain't too broad to beg. I'm still in it. I'm still in it. Why is he taking so long? He's taking so long between questions. There's some host shade right now.

Well, you know, they got the B team in. You're here. He spends a lot of time talking. No, I don't care who's hosting HQ. There's too much talking between questions. Walter Matthaus and Jack Lemmon were not in What Together? Bad News Bears. Jack Lemmon wasn't in it.

How about you read it so the whole audience can participate, Lisa? It's somewhat entertaining. I hate you. They go so fast, dude. Could we get a prompter up that puts the questions for the audience? Scott, do you want to read it so the whole audience could participate, so it's somewhat entertaining. I tried to. They go so fast, dude. Could we get a prompter up that puts the questions for the audience? Scott, do you want to read them for the audience? Do you want to read them for the audience? This show started over an hour ago.

Doug. Doug, you want me to do the back row? No, but you could do your stuff, Jeff. All right. But don't talk when I'm saying to do the back row. No, but you can do your stuff, Jeff. All right. But don't talk when I'm saying a question, because I really want the audience's help on this. I've got to blurt the question out really fast. So be careful.

Yeah, Desmond, you can go get a drink. Does anybody want a drink from the bar? I'm just going to go get some drinks. I'll do trivia shit. I'd love a rye whiskey. Rye whiskey from on the way. Meriden Blake is the villain in which kid's movie? Enchanted, the Lizzie McGuire movie?

Or the Parent Trap? I want to say Enchanted. No. Fuck, I already said Enchanted. Parent Trap is what we say. Parent Trap. Yeah, Parent Trap. I already said Enchanted.

Sorry. Sorry, everybody. Parent Trap house. I don't think of Parent Trap as having villains in it, but I guess she was... This microphone smells like when old people sneeze. She was an antagonist. What did you call me?

All right. Well, there you go. Just a second, Jeff. Just a second, Jeff. I just wanted to say I tried my best, but I lost. Oh, wait, I got an extra life. I'm back in the game. I guess her name is Christina.

Which of these is a title in the Richard Linklater Before Sunrise series? Before Midnight, After Sunrise, or After Sunset? After Sunrise, I think. Before Midnight. It's Before Midnight. God damn it. You idiot. Are you serious?

You host a movie podcast? Wait, but those have always confused me. Name all three of them. Before sunrise, before sunset, before midnight. And American Werewolf in Paris. They're all before. They're all after. There's no after.

There's a happily ever after. Or ever after? It's ever after. Ever a Barrymore and Angelica Houston. I could be home with my wife who loves me. I'm out now. I'm out, Chris. You're seriously out.

I'm out. I think it's time. So we can start playing. I think everyone's out. All right, everyone's out. Here we go, Jeff. Wait, you're still in? Forget it, he's out.

No, stay in it, Sam. Stay in it. Jeff, I brought a copy of my album. It's just one person talking at a time, so I don't know if you'll be into it. This podcast is for people who like Altman movies. And I got... It's an enamel pin from Gorilla Bugs. I forgot you left.

I thought something horrible was happening. Thank you. They make enamel pins. This one says, leave the gun, take the cannoli. Right? Always good advice. Those are my prizes. The last movie I saw was Evil Dead 2.

It was on Starz today. I have seen it before. Are you still in this? I enjoyed it. Both times I saw it. Most recently, today. It's very fun. Then we watched the first couple episodes

of Ash vs. the Evil Dead. And that looks a lot more real. Like the fucking zombies and stuff in that one. Oh, they put a little more money into that, yeah. They put a lot more money into it. I've had a big New York day. I had a real New York slice today. Oh, man.

Yeah. I folded it in half. I ate it over a garbage can. And then there was steam coming out of it. No, I immediately forgot about it. Were you like walking down the street and in your head, Louie, Louie, Louie? No, I was walking down the street going, I'm walking over here. Hey, I'm walking here. Cool it.

That's better, but he got me too'd as well. Thank you, Jeff. Who? I think you're talking about Dustin Hoffman. Ladies and gentlemen, a man who's worked with Dustin Hoffman many times. We like to call him Opie

because his initials are Opie I'm still making Oliver Platt jokes it's Greg Wyshynski everybody tell me something I had a star that was born in my head, Doug. Yeah, you sure did. I certainly did. I like that.

Ah, that was really funny, Greg. Really funny. Thank you. Thank you, Jesse. That's how I laugh. That's how tall people laugh. Thank you, Greg. It's very sweet that you called me tall.

She wasn't talking about you. Seven, five, don't forget. It was a callback to Jesse being tall. Thank you, thank you. Oh my God, don't sit near Jeff when you're at the theater, you guys, because he loves to explain things to everybody. And he was in the top three last night, along with Greg

and Jesse. And so they're all back tonight. And so, Greg, let's just fly through this. What are your plugs? I have right for ESPN about hockey. I have two podcasts, ESPN

on Ice and Puck Soup, which is mostly about hockey. Thank you. And them's the plugs, Doug. And who are you playing for? I'm playing for Avendrews Infinity War, who smartly picked a poster where he could place the face of nearly everybody associated

with the show on different characters. Rob is the Incredible Hulk. And Jesse is an age-appropriate Spider-Man. And I'm Falcon, for some reason. But you did spell my name right, so you're the big winner tonight, sir. And I'm Thanos, but what would happen if Thanos didn't know how to snap his fingers? You know, some people can't do it.

He'd just be like, mm, fuck. Really would like to get rid of half of you. You got a spit on him. Now you're still here. Yeah, yeah. Get him wet. That's the key. And what'd you bring for the prize bag?

I bought many things. Four things. So are there any... Oh, by the way, are there any hockey fans here tonight? All right, great. Are there any Islanders fans? My condolences. I have an Islanders scarf that you could use to shield your eyes, I suppose, from Islanders games.

But it's an Islanders scarf. And then I also bought... So, Queen's big again because of that movie. So I bought... That's why they're big again. So I bought... They really dipped. The widescreen DVD edition of Flash Gordon.

Oh, fun. Which is like a two-hour Queen music video. Queen's big again because of that show, The Crown. At Comic-Con this year, my wife bought... Thank you. Very nice. Yes, what they said bought a Harry Potter

prize box blind box type thing and it was all Slytherin stuff I am of course a Hufflepuff so I have no use for it but there's a Slytherin tie and a copy of my book take your eye off the puck how to watch hockey by knowing where to look signed by Jeff Tate who was a hockey fan until they canceled a full season,

and Jesse Fasternak, who, according to him, has never seen a full hockey game. So that's in the prize bag. I've seen a lot of parts, but never the whole thing. I, of course, am a Hufflepuff, is something a person just said out loud. Doug, the hat sorts you where it sorts you, sir. I have no control over it. By the way, last movie I saw was the new seasons of Mystery Science Theater 3000 on Netflix now. And the first movie they did was Mac and Me,

which is a film about an E.T. ripoff with a full dance scene inside of a McDonald's restaurant. It's the best. Yeah, that movie's crazy. The animatronics aren't quite as good as E.T. on that little guy. And there's a whole... Doesn't he, like, whistle or something?

So it just looks like he's looking for somebody to blow. I'm sure they didn't go there on Mystery Science Theater. No, I don't think they did. He totally has a blowjob mouth. And I apologize for this segue, Chris, but... He's been waiting patiently. It's Chris Gethard, everybody. Hi, everybody.

That's so nice. Thank you so much. Thank you, Chris. I'm sorry I didn't explain further to you how this show worked. No, it's okay. That HQ thing, it surprised me. Once it came up, I was like, this will be fun,

and then I realized it takes 15 minutes to play that game if you blast. The truth of the matter is I've been having a lot of fun, but I know that people like it when I get irritated and grumpy. That's when I'm in my wheelhouse. I'm just giving the people what they want. You've spoken about mental illness and

depression and suicide, so they just want to push you in that direction? People like when I teeter on the edge and don't quite go over. It's thrilling. Thank you so much. Also, Jeff stole our microphone. You'll notice his row has more now. It's true.

Do you want two? No, it's okay. The six of us will get by with two. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I'm just trying to stand up for my row back here. Yeah, I appreciate that. And I've got all the same questions for you

that you have to sit through for everybody else, starting with who you're playing for. Playing for Invincible, which he colored in the word Vince, which is the first time I realized that that movie about Vince Papali, that that was a pun. That's why it's called that. I didn't know that until right now.

He's invincible. He's in himself-able. Yeah. Did not occur to me that that was a thing until tonight. So thank you for that, Vince. So you thought he was just really invincible? I didn't. I never quite understood why it was called that.

It's like the Unbreakable guy? Yes, I thought it was a sequel to Unbreakable. I was waiting for the fucking twist, man! Hey, that special teams player seems invincible. This backup place kick holder can't be beaten. As far as the prize I brought, Doug, I'm happy to tell you I brought a five-pack of rewritable DVDs.

Oh, nice. Nothing to write over, still sealed in the shrink wrap. These have been in my desk drawer for at least six years. Maybe someone else will get use out of them when I could not. As far as the plugs, let's see. I have a podcast called Beautiful Anonymous

where I just take phone calls and talk to anonymous people. And then also I recently put out a book called Lose Well. It is not selling great, so I'd appreciate any help that your audience could give me. Because as you know, the reason I come on this show is in a bold-faced effort to try to co-opt

your audience as my own. I've mentioned this before. Well, they all love you, and who doesn't have the... It's pretty nice. Who doesn't have the book yet? Who likes books? Okay, put it together. A tepid reaction. As far as the most recent movie I saw, I'm having to

tell you, I live here in New York City, so we're one of the cities where I was able to see Roma on the big screen instead of Netflix. Just saw Roma two days ago. And I really, really loved it. I thought it was brilliant. That's the Alfonso Cuaron. Yeah, and it's amazing. If you live in a city where you can see it on the big screen,

I think it's cool Netflix is bringing it to the world, but the idea that you're going to be able to watch that movie when you're going to look at your texts and pause it to go shit and stuff like that is a big risk and heartbreaking. So I hope people go see it on the big screen because it was pretty incredible.

If I had only one criticism, it's that it ripped off Paddington 2. So you're saying we should shit before we go? Yeah, shit before you go. It's a really beautiful movie that centers around a young Mexican bear who really loves marmalade. I'm going to see this 50 times. This sounds amazing. Yeah, it's pretty great.

It's pretty great. Don't pause it. Genuine question. Do I have time to pee and come back? Yes. All right, I'll be back. If any indication. Oh, man, I'm such a cliche girl right now. Genuine question Do I have time to pee and come back? Yes If any indication Oh man I'm such a cliche girl right now Hey guys don't just run into the restroom before her

It's a fucking oney you guys Be cool Well we're gonna need him Anyway Thank you Chris Thank you so much for having me back. Did we do it all? Prize bag, playing for, movie.

Yeah, we did it. There he is. It's the tall guy. Jesse Pasternak. Hello. This is so exciting. Hi, Doug. Sorry, I was just stopping for a moment

to be excited about how long this is taking. What do you got to plug, Jesse? So, I mentioned last night that I have a new short film. It's the last one I did in college. It's pinned to my Twitter, at Jesse Pasternak. It's called Picked. I'm proud of it.

And my older brother, if you go to his Twitter page, his handle's at Sad Pasternak, you'll find a lovely short documentary where we took our grandfather, who was in his late 90s at the time. He's a World War II veteran. We set him on a bench, and he just gave free advice to people. So he gets asked everything

from how do you deal with sweating suddenly to how can I deal with getting over the loss of my father and he laughs and he cries and he just shows how he was one of the most influential people in my life and Sam's life and if you just want to feel good for a couple minutes just check it out. Wow.

That sounds amazing. Okay. And for the prize bag? So my theme for the prize bag? So my theme for the prize bag gifts is enlightenment. So I brought a copy of Don Quixote, one of the greatest novels ever written. Thank you.

It's a good read. Really just, you know, about stories and reality and really sort of, you know, give you a lot to think about. So here's the greatest novel ever made. And then I brought a DVD of Spymate, which is the greatest Chip spy movie ever made. If you've seen any of the MVP movies, Louie,

the Chip who's Jack's younger brother, who's the skateboarding chimp, he gets his shot at leading man stardom as Minky, who's a spy who has to rescue Emma Roberts. Stop making up a thing. I wish this was made up. Are we still playing HQ? For the record,

MVP, most valuable primate, probably the third best hockey movie ever made. Behind Goon 1 and Goon 2? Behind Sudden Death and probably Slapshot. Youngblood. Yeah, Youngblood was good.

Prize bag? Yeah, that stuffod was good. Prize bag? Yeah, that stuff. Who are you playing for? I'm playing for the Empire Strikes Back. It's a poster of the Empire Strikes Back. Doug is Luke Skywalker. I'm Yoda, which is really ironic because I'm 7'5". Rob Cantrell is hot solo and

looks really nice okay and last movie you saw well I told everybody that the last movie I saw was

Creed 2 last night but the last Broadway show you saw a movie today didn't you oh I wish but I saw

the new one with Mike Birbiglia I saw a couple nights ago. It's incredible. I saw him do a rough version of the show in Bloomington, Indiana, where I went to school at the Comedy Attic. But he just, thank you, best school in America. And he's just a really great job.

He's just amazing, incredible. What about Harvard? Eh. Okay. Best comedy Harvard? Eh. Okay. Best comedy club in America. It certainly is. It's just a great show. Great production value.

Mike Birbiglia is an amazing talent. If you could go see it on Broadway, it's amazing. Thank you. This guy gets it. This guy right here gets it. It's funny you mention Mike Birbiglia because he's done this show before and I always ask him guy gets it. This guy right here gets it. It's funny you mentioned Mike Birbiglia because he's done this show before and I always ask him to do it.

And I asked him last year to do this show, The 12 Guests of Christmas, and he says, I can't do it, but thanks for thinking of me. And then a whole year went by before I texted him again. And then when I asked him to do this show tonight, he said, I can't do it,

but thanks for thinking of me. So he's a consistent sweetheart. And we got another. Be nice, everybody. We got another newbie on the panel. It's his first time, but I think he's going to fit in just fine. It's Ted Gagan, everybody.

Hello. Hello. Wearing an Alamo Drafthouse shirt. Straight up. Yeah, that's how you suck up to me right there. I did this because this is the last time I saw you. Yeah. All right.

And so what do you got to plug? Because you have a motion picture that you directed that's on Netflix currently, correct? Yep. I got a new movie called Mohawk that's on Netflix. I doubt anyone's seen it because like 8,000 new movies appear on Netflix every day. But it's a super angry political thriller set during the War of 1812 about shitty white dudes treating indigenous people really poorly. And it has a lot of parallels with everything that's going on today. And it's mean as shit.

Yeah, come on, give it up, everybody. Watch, it's free. You can all see it for free. You can pause it. You can shit right in the middle of it. Exactly, yeah. Wait until one of the most pivotal moments. Pause it, take a big old shit.

Thank you. I've also got a haunted house. You mean an unsinkable Molly Brown. Exactly, yeah. Wait until one of the most pivotal moments. Pause it, take a big old shit. Thank you. I've also got a haunted house. You mean an unsinkable Molly Brown? Exactly, yep. I've got a haunted house movie that's on Amazon Prime and Shudder called We Are Still Here. Oh, nice.

Yeah, people have heard of that one. Yeah, very cool. And who are you playing for tonight? I'm playing for Leo Storm. I chose this poster because it's two pieces of printer paper taped together and curled up. And no work was done. Your face is not photoshopped onto the two people or anything. It just changed a G to an L.

And I felt like that was really bold. The tagline is the same. This is exactly the same poster. I felt like that was really bold. The tagline is the same. This is exactly the same poster. This is also the first time a $55 million movie did not open in New York City was Geostorms. That was the other reason.

No. It just opened in dumb places? Yeah. I saw it. All right. And what did you bring for the bag? I brought a four-pack of oscilloscope movies. This is a love letter to my first boss in New York City, MCA, who runs oscilloscope. So I got to shut up and play the hits. We need to talk about Kevin, Bellflower, and the Exploding Girl.

And I understand someone on stage was actually in We Need to Talk About Kevin, Bellflower, and the Exploding Girl. And I understand someone on stage was actually in We Need to Talk About Kevin. So it's a small world. It was my first film role. That was how I got my SAG card right there. I burst into a room and say to Tilda Swinton, doesn't your son go to high

school? I remember it well. Yeah, when they cast you, I heard they were like, we need to talk about Aaron. And what was the last movie you saw? I set up the Christmas tree today. I always do it today. And

my traditional movie I always watch when I set up the tree is Bob Clark's Black Christmas. So it's all about Black Christmas today. I mean, he's not Tyler Perry. You don't need to put his name before the title. No, there's two Black Christmases. You're right. But you can give it the year or whatever.

1974 is Black Christmas. Yes. Is that better? Black Christmas 74. I don't know which sounds douchier. I don't know. We're all douchey. But thank you for being here. Oh, and so you recommend it because you watch it every year when you put up the tree. Yeah, absolutely.

It's Margot Kidder in her best role. All right. Well, I liked when she showed up at that one house in Pasadena and was in the bushes. It was weird. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make fun of her mental illness. If you Google Margot Kidder wolves, when she died, I knew Margot. She's from University of Montana

where I went to school. She's like, really? Mizzou? It's the same guy that clapped. He just likes college. He's clapped for Bloomington and Harvard. Sally Mae, she's here. for Bloomington and Harvard.

Sally Mae, she's here. When Margot died, I tweeted about this story she told me that the last time I saw her, she was like, when I die, I hope somebody drags my body up the hill and feeds me to the wolves. That's how I want to go.

And she said, I've told my family to do this. If they don't do it, feel free to get really upset and publicly shame them. So they found her body and they embalmed her and they buried her. And I was like, I guess it's my duty as a person to tell this story. So I went on Twitter and I told the story and all these fucking tabloids picked it up. And I started getting all this hate mail from people being like,

how dare you make up a story about Margot Kidder wanting to be eaten by wolves. But it happened. Oh, man. Now you're going to bring all that heat onto this podcast. I'll take it. I'll take any heat I can get. Okay. Well, I don't know what to say after that.

Did I ask you all the questions? I think so. Last movie he saw was back Christmas. Plugs, he said he's got Mohawk on Netflix. Mohawk. Yeah, we opened with that one. All right. Thank you, Ted.

Yeah, we opened with that one. All right, thank you, Ted. And back after, I don't know what year it was, but one year you won one of these things. Do you know what year it was? Not last year, but the year before that. Oh, so you have trouble with what number that would be? What number would that be?

Yeah, it would be 2016, I guess Yeah Okay It's Rob Cantrell! I won in 2016, New York City! Grand Mercy! I don't want to be eaten by wolves when I die I just want to be licked by wolves when I die Well, I also like the way he said

When she's dead, she wants to be eaten by wolves because that's how she wants to go. Well, you're not picking how you're going to go. You're just picking on what awful thing's going to happen after you're gone. Yeah. It's not that bad to be eaten by wolves. Sorry to correct her on that.

It's not that badass. You can do whatever you want with a dead body. What did you... You can make a smoothie. You know, I don't know. It's not that badass. You could do whatever you want with a dead body. What did you... You could make a smoothie. You know, I don't know. It's getting dark. Yeah, I don't think you could just make one smoothie. You could make it for the whole family.

Yeah, I think it would last for a little while. Get some turmeric so everybody feels good. Yeah, you'd have to be eating smoothies day and night for probably a week. What did you... Smoothie. What did you bring for the prize bag? Oh, I brought a 7-inch vinyl of a track off my new album called Pure Uncut Joy. So if you have a record player, you could play this. Or you could just scratch it. So if you have a record player, you could play this.

Or you could just scratch it. So if you're a DJ and you want some, please scratch that. It's about my first concert that I saw. It was a Fat Boys concert. And then I also have been on tour. It was the Three Tenors. I've been on the road and I've been stealing. What was that? It was the Three Tenors.

Yeah. It was an opera. I was Yeah. It was an opera. I was just a kid really into opera. They're all fair. I was out there. That's good. And I've been collecting teas. And so I got some Earl Grey.

If you want to just... Where'd you find that? Yeah. And there's also, if you want a teabag Earl Grey, you got it right there. There's also some chamomile. You might fight Yana, but you can try. Yeah.

Oh, that's the name tag. And that's a key food bodega bag. And I'm going to give that out because I shouldn't be using those things. That's going to kill Otter. Stop with the plastic. Champ down on plastic. Clamp down on it. That's my last plastic bag ever.

So you guys get that. I love my album. And a lot of tea. If you're just into tea, I've been teeing it up. Who are you playing for? I'm playing for my man, Paul. He's right there.

He makes kombucha in Queens. And, uh... Do you like donuts, Paul? Do you want one? I'm going to throw it at you really... I'm going to throw it at you underhand, but also really hard. Yeah, so it's a VHS cassette, which is pretty rad.

Yeah, that's neat. And it's a Fletch movie. Yeah, and he just put tape over and wrote Paul. Just wrote Paul. And I get it, man. I'm really into minimalism. It's not even Pulch. Yeah. It's just Paul.

I owe a blockbuster copy of Fletch. Because also there's a movie called Paul, you know. You probably don't have it on VHS, though. And it's not like Chevy Chase in Fletch. It's just Chevy Chase Paul. Yeah. So it's... Well, that's, you know, that's probably maybe the working title. Yeah. So it's his Well, that's, you know, that's probably

maybe the working title. Yeah. So it's his rendition. All right. It's really cool. And anything else to plug besides your new vinyl? Vinyl,

and I have a new podcast that I'd love for you guys to check out called the Cannabis Coffee Hour where I sample some cannabis and drink coffee. The pilot episode, I had some Stumptown cold brew with sour diesel. And that was a lot of fun.

That was a popular podcast. And then I just had some CBD and bubbly tea. And that was a lot of fun. You get all the best guests. Yeah. No guests. It's just me getting high, staring at my plant, drinking bubbly tea,

talking for an hour, and I make my own beats. And so you'll have like three minutes of beats if you just want to rant, if you just want to zone out before the show. Okay.

The guy in the audience wants to hear a beat. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Boop. Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom. Ta-op. Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom. Ta. Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom. Ta.

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom. This is incredibly frustrating because I thought you meant the undesirable vegetable. Oh, yeah. We get into smoothies. We're going to get into smoothies. I put them right in hands. There really is a podcast for everybody. Yeah.

Do you like tea and fresh beets? I got them covered. Rob, a vegetable? Yeah, we can talk about veggies. Either one. Honey crisp apples. Last movie. I just asked Rob, what are you doing with all the money

you're making off that podcast? Where are you investing it? I got a new VCR. I'm collecting, I'm just getting my VHS collection. I'm just fucking rocking.

I got a used L couch and I'm going to just fucking, I'm going to relax. What was the last movie you saw Rob uh today I saw which was great it was 57 minutes and it was a documentary and it was called uh tricky dick in the man in black which is also my favorite porn hub category but uh Richard Nixon And who's the man in black? It's Johnny Cash

The American legend And they were friends? No Yeah, they played in a jug band together Richard Nixon just rocked the old jug band He was one of the outlaw men Yeah But no, it's a great documentary

It's about Richard Nixon asking him, Johnny Cash, to come to the White House and play for him. And he was trying to get the Southern vote. But he asked him to play Okie from Muskogee, which is this anti-pot thing, a country song. It's a famous song, but it's not fucking Johnny Cash's song. And then they ask him to play this other song that's about welfare. Like people write, it's like this racist fucking song.

And Johnny Cash goes in there and talks about the youth and peace and truth and sings this song. Like he doesn't even have a playlist. He just goes up and plays like some classic songs of his own. And he doesn't do Richard Nixon's thing. And then Richard Nixon got busted by Watergate. So it's that time. And it's 57 minutes, which is

about as long as I'm taking to explain this film. You should put that review on your podcast. I really felt like I just sat through it. 57 minutes, they cover Johnny Cash and I feel like they're glossing over a few of those things. They're skimming

over some of that Watergate stuff if it's less than an hour. Well, I mean, that's not about Watergate. It's just a lucky coincidence for Nixon that Watergate happened because Johnny Cash was going to put a boot up his ass. Because Johnny Cash was apolitical and american and supported any president.

It now feels like we're actively trying to not get to the last intro. And when you say we, you mean Rob Cantrell? Collectively. Collectively. We're all deep diving on this Nixon opinion thing. We got one left. It was a fascinating film, man. I'm sorry. Sorry, Grizz. I'm sorry. I don't mean to take anybody else's time. No, it's not film, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Grizz. I'm sorry. I don't mean to take anybody else's time.

No, it's not you, man. This is like when TNT plays all the Lord of the Rings movies back to back. Like, well, I guess I'm in it. Yeah. Or just, you know, you can leave. I can't pause it and take a shit. How many podcasts, though, could you just leave for a while? When you come back, you know, it probably hasn't started yet.

You know, On that HQ, they get to the questions after five minutes. I don't know what the hurry is. Yeah. This podcast should have craft services. I have a blast. Let's say hello to Desmond Borges, everybody. Yay!

Slap, slap, slap. DB, DB, DB. Those are also your initials Both of our initials, yeah Will you make some beats for us? Yeah, yeah, yeah Alright, we've got five minutes left Sweet We can do this shit in three, Doug

Let's kick it Okay What, uh Who are you playing for? Oh, shit Uh Snakes and a plane On a plane Doug. Let's kick it. Okay. Who are you playing for? Oh, shit. Snakes and a plane. Ana, a plane. Thank you.

Because her name is Ana. I'm fucking part Puerto Rican, too. I should have got that shit on the first try. But the production value on this is fucking sick, man. Look, there's a snake coming in. Yeah, that scary-ass albino snake's popping in through the cardboard. Yeah.

Somebody made a growling noise. That would scare me off of touching the snake if it growled. All right, so that's Anna. Good job. Anna. Anna, sorry. And what do you got for the prize bag? You got a little book bag there?

Yeah, I got this little, it's a toque bag. It's a Porus Walker toque bag. It's got a picture of Sir Mark Twain on the front with one of his very famous. I don't believe he was ever actually knighted. Samuel Clemens was, though. That's my bad. That's your bad. And one of his most famous quotes

is written on the front, so I just want to share that with all of you. My homie, Dr. Dre, came through. Jeff's asleep. With a gang of Tangle Ray. Jeff was straight up asleep. I'm not kidding. He was straight up asleep.

You guys saw it. Tate, Tate, Tate. Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate, Tate. Wake, wake, wake, wake. Tate a nap. I don't think we have time for that whole quote from Samuel Clemens about the fucking frog jumping race. But I got this dope-ass book from the Anti-Book Club Publishing Company. Selected letters of Mr. Terry Southern, O.G. Stoner, who did some shit like Dr. Strangelove and Easy Rider.

I heard they're good films. But they are selected letters by him and it's pretty fucking dope. So, enjoy. The book and the bag. So you can read the bag and the book. You can get it all. Yeah, it's a pretty heavy book.

It weighed in at 2.7 pounds. Yeah, it's good. I'm going to hold it for a little while. It's a good walking book. Get a little work out of it. Oh, yeah. Yep. Cruising down the street.

And what you got to plug besides, you're the worst coming back to FXX in January. Yeah, January 9th, the fifth and final season of You're the Worst. Final sizzle. Final sizzle. And if you get a chance, you're hanging out on Netflix. If you don't see Mohawk, or if you do see Mohawk, and you still have like 90 minutes you want to spend watching your television, check out Tamara Jenkins' new film, Private Life,

starring Paul Giamatti, Catherine Han, Kaylee Carter, and then I pop in there somewhere. Oh, nice. I'll watched that. And what was the last movie you saw? Finding Dory. Unfortunately, we all know about that one. Yeah.

I got a two-and-a-half-year-old. He fucking loves Nemo, man. So we watched that shit two, three times a day. Or we have it in the background. I don't sit my kid in front of the television. Is that your kid's favorite Pixar, that one? Yeah. That's the one you have to get through the most?

Yeah, but it's funny. They're all really fucking good. It's a good movie, you know. Some nice, subtle nuances, beautiful colors. Idris Elba, you know, pops up. Everyone loves it when he's in something. They sure do. Yeah do Everyone also loves donuts Sorry for the violence

And all of that stuff Is going in the prize bag Let the games begin All of that stuff is going in the prize bag. Let the games begin. Last night, a couple of people had to fight over all the contents of the prize bag because Jeff and Greg were our official winners. But tonight, hopefully, we'll have just one winner, and everybody will go home with everything. It's not like HQ where each one of you is going to go home with a shiny nickel.

I'm taking away your extra life. I'm taking away your extra life, Doug. All right, Scott. Thank you for still being here. My vacation, Doug. It's my first day vacation. Your game show is a much more fast-paced thing. You might not make your Wednesday flight at this rate.

Ireland can wait. This is longer than the fucking flight across the Atlantic. You going to Glasgow? I could have driven to Philadelphia. That's accurate. But why would you? That fucking stink town. I know you're from there. I like it.

No, I'm not. You're not? No. Well, then fuck it. All right, you guys. This first game we're going to play. There's more than one. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Roll up your sleeves. We got some going to play. There's more than one. Oh, yeah. Roll up your sleeves. We've got some work to do. But we'll go fast. Curfew's at 11. We're going to play Whose Tagline Is It Anyway? Yeah. Super deluxe edition. I mean, Yeah, super deluxe edition.

Because, I mean, actually, pared down edition. Because I'm just going to say several taglines from the same movie. The same holiday movie. And the first one of you that can say out loud the title of the movie. I'll hear you if you just say it without a microphone. But try to get to a microphone if you can. I don't want it to get ugly, but so you could just shout it out.

We'll know who said it first. It's only going to come to one of you. It's Jesse's to lose. Sam's got the gauntlet on, but, you know, I'll try not to be too afraid. Okay. Here we go. The first tagline for this movie,

they called it, on a poster or something, the greatest holiday comedy of the year. Madea's Black Christmas. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Good guess, but no. Jingle All the Way. No. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

No. Daddy's Home 2. Santa Claus the Movie. No. The Grinch. No, for a couple of reasons. Jingle All the Way. Die Hard.

No. Jingle All the Way. Jingle All the Way. Elf. Elf? Is it Jingle All the Way? Here's the next tagline. The Battle of the Bulbs begins November 22nd.

Deck the Halls? Deck the Halls is correct. Griffin Newman. Damn. Deck the Halls. That's great. Griffin Newman nailed it. Deck the motherfucking halls.

A classic if you have no taste. They also had the taglines. There glows the neighborhood. And this Christmas, when the lights go on, the gloves come off, which means that they have condomless sex and dick the halls

oh this is a different thing altogether Griffin was so competitive about it yeah you really were it was really exciting it is a competition it is my fault I lull everyone into thinking

that there's no competition here everyone's just taking turns talking about themselves and then BAM! questions come at you hard and fast are you ready to play Last Man Stanton? alright this is a game where we normally get one name from the audience, maybe two,

and we take turns saying movies that that person was in. If you can't think of one, you're out. Normally you have a lifeline. Normally each of you has a lifeline, but that's not the case tonight. It's single elimination. If you can't come up with a name of a movie that is the correct title, you will be out. We're starting.

We're going to go the same order where everybody was introduced because Griffin gets to go first. We'll go to Griffin, then Scott, then Aaron, etc. That's what I call you, Sam, etc. It's not the greatest nickname, but... Our relationship's just begun. Tonight we're doing the films of Kirk Cameron.

Just kidding. Wait until I call you to answer because sometimes people just, like, jump right in with their next answer, and I like a good dramatic pause. And we'll start with Griffin like I said and I brought up Deck the Halls already so let's just lean into it

three of the stars of Deck the Halls are going to be the subject of tonight's Last Man Stanton tell me a film Griffin that has Matthew Broderick Danny DeVito, or Cal Penn? Correct titles only. Full correct titles.

That's right, sir. Or weird lady. Griffin. Batman Returns. Yes, he does. Yes, he does. Yes, he does. Very good. What do you got, Scott Rogowski?

The films of Cal Penn and then a couple other guys that worked a little bit more. I don't think Danny DeVito or Matthew Broderick ever took time out to work for the White House. Is this enough of a dramatic pause? Yes. I think I already said your name. Danny DeVito or Matthew Broderick ever took time out to work for the White House? Is this enough of a dramatic pause? Yes. I think I already said your name.

Yes. Let's go with... Twins! Okay. You know, triplets just went into production, right? Really? It's a real thing, yeah. Alright, Aaron? Matilda.

Yes. Love that. Love the musical. Sam. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Of course. You're so excited to state the obvious. Just get that one out of there.

Shane Torres. Get Shorty? Mm-hmm. I know what Jeff's going to say, I think. What Torres. Get Shorty? Mm-hmm. I know what Jeff's gonna say, I think. What do you got, Jeff? I'm gonna say, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Oh, I did not see that one coming. Wow, okay. The producers. Did I call on you? Greg says the producers. Chris? Inspector Gadget. Yes.

Jesse? The War of the Roses. Uh-huh. Directed by Enns, featuring Danny DeVito. Now here we are at Ted. Does voice acting count? It sure does. Then I'm going to go with Hercules.

Oh. Oh. Rob Cantrell. What was the question again? Name a movie That's got Cal Penn Yeah Or Danny DeVito Okay Yeah

Or Matthew Broderick Okay Yeah Throw Mama from the Train? Mm-hmm. Very good. Desmond? Harold and Kumar.

Okay. Back off, everyone. Unfortunately, those films have other words in the title. Don't. Hey! I'll tell you where to go. It's a competition. I want you to go to my white asshole.

My white asshole. Borat. What do you think, Des? They go to White Castle, don't they? Yeah. So what's the full title? Harold and Kumar go to White Castle? Yeah.

It really felt like a trick question at that point. All right, yeah. No more helping you guys in the audience. Someone get that dude a drink. This is serious up here. And we're back to Griffin. Back at the top of the lineup. Deck the halls?

Yeah. Very low hanging. The lowest, the lowest of hanging fruits. There's a few fruits that are hanging right now. Scott. Harold and Kumar go to Guantanamo Bay.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You might want to change it up entirely. Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Yes. Yes. Go to the White Caslack, Guantanamo Bay. Yes. Yes. Go to the White Castle at Guantanamo Bay. Aaron.

Fuck. Guantanamo Bay was mine. Oh, shit. You fucking gave these two assholes help. I did? Yes. Did I remind them that Yeah, they both got the title incorrect and it helped them until they got it correct. Did I remind them that somebody already said Get Shorty?

The answer to my question had an ellipses on it. I wasn't done answering. No. Get Shorty 2? Oh, shit. That was, I didn't help you. That was what? What?

What? I said I didn't help you. I just hurt you What? What? I said I didn't help you. I just hurt you. Because that's not what it's called. There was a sequel to Get Shorty? Hey, I didn't say there was. I just said it wasn't called Get Shorty 2. If it was, shush.

Get Shorter? Get Taller. I can't ah come on yes so you want to change it up go for something else

yeah I'm fucking struggling yeah I know it's tough to think of this stuff but let's see here. Vans? Van?

The van? Shall we play a game? That's not a good clue. Hey, what did we just... Where was that thing we just voted in? What was that called? HQ? Quiz show?

No, no, the country. We just did the midterm... Election? Yeah. Fuck off. I'm so embarrassed right now. I'm usually good at this, guys. Thanks.

Sam? I might totally screw this up. Maybe. I think that the sequel to Get Shorty is called Be Cool. That's right. It was also the sequel to the Bee Movie. Jay. Oh, sorry, Shane. Matthew Broderick movie where he plays

with chimps. Yes. Oh, fuck. Jack the Bear. I'm going to go with that. Yes, Danny DeVito's in Jack the Bear. Good job. Jeff? Oh, man. I'm going to go with that. Yes, Danny DeVito's in Jack the Bear. Good job. Jeff? Oh, man, I'm screwed. Ha ha ha.

There he is with his patented, working the title into a sentence. Yeah, yeah, the movie's called Screwed. People love it. You always get it when it happens. Greg? It was inferred, so Project X. Yes. That was the it happens. Greg? It was inferred, so Project X. Yes.

That was the monkey movie. Chris? I have a set at the Comedy Cellar in 20 minutes. That being said... Do you remember when you were on the show and we were doing the films of Kevin Hart and none of us said Get Hard even though that's your last name?

Yeah, yeah. It's humiliating from many angles. I really do have to go which is why it's such a burden that I believe one of the correct answers is Ladyhawk. Yes it is. Ladyhawk. Fuck. Ladyhawk let's go around really fast

because he's got to go. Jesse? Big Fish. Yes. Ted? The Road to Wellville. Mm-hmm. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. We said that one already. Oh, shit. Yeah.

So I was going to say that one that was about... Somebody's got to be first to go. It's kind of cool that you've won this And you've been the first to go I don't know how you won it But I do know how you're the first to go Danny DeVito He's that short guy running around going

Yeah I was going to say I'm Michael Frank No he did Batman Yeah, I was going to say... I'm Michael Frank! Yeah. No, we did... Please. Batman? No, thank you, Rob Cantrell. Desmond. The Lion King.

Yes. I just can't wait. Griffin. Mars Attacks Scott Van Wilder Uh oh Van Wilder starred

What's his name That's Cal Penn No no that was Ryan Reynolds But hang on But he's in it Hang on you'll see what's going to happen later. Also, yeah, was that the full title of... Van Wilder had more words than the title. That's true. Jesus Christ.

Can I do a different one? Yes. Or did I ruin it? No, do a different one. Rocking and Bullwinkle? Was it The Adventures of? It might have been. It very well may have been The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Has the classic film Godzilla been said yet?

Nuh-uh, and that's correct. Sam? Is it National Lampoon's Van Wilder? Yes. Shane? National Lampoon's Van Wilder 2, The Rise of Tosh. Yes. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. I worked at Blockbuster. Blockbuster was like Netflix with a store. I only know one more, and I'm praying one of you two says it. What's the worst that could happen? No, I want you to answer the question. There's no reason to... That's the name of the movie. What's the worst that could happen?

Yeah. Romancing the Stone. Yes. Son of a bitch. I don't think anybody has said War Games yet. Nuh-uh. Have they? Nuh-uh. I was trying to get Aaron to say it earlier. Jesse. Superman Returns. Mm-hmm. Jesse. Superman returns.

Ted. Oh, man. I need a hot minute here. Let me count it down for you. Thank you. I need the full minute. 60. Thank you. That'll help.

That'll make it a lot easier for me. Five, four, three, two. I've gone through so many of these. Nothing? Nothing's coming to me. Dude, thank you so much for being here. Five, four, three, two. Nothing? Nothing's coming to me. Dude, thank you so much for being here. Ted Geegan, everybody.

Thank you, Ted. Desmond. Inspector Gadget. Somebody already said it. I wish they had sang the song first, though. That was pretty sweet. You know any other theme songs? Do I get to say another one?

Yeah. Oh, the Bee Movie. Who's in that? Your boy Broderick, man. Okay. That's your boy. I can't believe I brought it up. I'm so stupid.

Griffin. There's no microphone. You're out. I believe Danny DeVito is the Lorax. Yeah. Who's Lorax, though, if you had to give somebody credit? Yeah, okay. Illumination Entertainment. National Lampoons. I've had a wonderful night. Illumination Entertainment. National Lampoons.

I've had a wonderful night. Thank you, everybody. Yay! Thank you, Scott Rogowski! Aaron and Scott were the most festive dressers of the whole panel, I gotta say. Although, that's dinosaurs that are Christmassy. I didn't even notice that before.

Yeah. I love it. Thanks. Do you have another answer? The Lion King 2. Oh. There's probably more words after that, too, though. That's where you get into trouble.

Simba's Pride? What? Wow. Yes! Let's go. Let's get a move on. Please. I feel like there's trickery afoot.

Sam? Just because you were hinting at it before, Saw. I was? Yeah. Why? You because you were hinting at it before. Saw. I was? Yeah. Why? You were like, shall we play a game? Isn't that from Saw? That's from War Games. Oh, shit. Thank you, Sam Pasternak.

Oh, thanks, dude. Shane? Man on the Moon. Yes. Jim Carrey and others. Jeff? Ruthless People. Mm-hmm.

Jewel of Denial. Has anyone said Batman Returns yet? Yes. I'm released. All right. Have a great night, everybody. Thank you, Chris Gathard. Oh, now we could slow down now that he's out of here.

Jeez, I was really panicking he wasn't going to make his spot. He still will not make his spot. There's no way he's getting over to the West Village. Yeah, he was pretty casual about it before the show, but I was like, you miss a spot there, you'll never work there again. So we'll see how that works out. Jesse? Death to Smoochie?

Uh-huh. Best movie. Desmond? Tower Heist Whoa, look at you Griffin Hoffa Hoffa was directed by and featured Danny DeVito

Hoffa fans in the crowd tonight I feel like they might be They might be Tick fans, I think. This is genuine. Was Danny DeVito in the film Junior? Yeah.

Yeah, fuck man. The unofficial sequel to Twins. Better really I think than the original. Oh, yeah. I wish, though, that the baby

inside Arnold was Danny DeVito. Ew. Yeah, he came out and he's all like, hey, what's going on? Where the women at? Yeah.

Shane? The Freshman. Mm-hmm. With Marlon Brando. Terrible impression. Jeff? They Eat a Komodo Dragon. Other People's Money.

Yes. Greg? L.A. Confidential. Mm-hmm. Jesse? Manchester by the Sea. Uh-huh. Wait, who?

Matthew Broderick has a performance in it. Oh, that's right. He's a vocal performer, yeah. He likes being in those Lonergan movies, right? Yeah, he loves it. Oh, shit. Don't say any more. Desmond?

Cable Guy. Mm-hmm. Oh. Griffin? On me? Yes. I can't count on the mic. You can count on me? Yes. I can't count on the mic. You can count on me is what he's saying,

but that was his first Lonergan. Aaron? Look Who's Talking Now? I am. I am. Please answer the question. Shane? I'm going to, I think Cal Penn did a movie called The Namesake.

I was trying to think about that. Sure. I'm glad to see you're taking this so seriously. Yeah. No, I mean, you really sounded like you believed it. And so, and the audience, no one's going, you're wrong. So I think you're good. Jeff?

Doze off again? No, I never got to do my plugs. Well, the winner gets to do their plugs, so let's see if you can do that. Listen, I'm pretty sure Danny DeVito was in a movie in Alphabet City tomorrow night at 7 at a bar called Coney Island Baby. Yeah.

I'm doing a cameo on that movie. Tomorrow night, Tuesday, the 27th. It used to be Brownies. You looked at your watch to find the date? I mean, I didn't get there. They told me first. But it's on there somewhere, I think. Is it?

This watch costs $12, Doug. It's got more than just... It says Monday. It says the 26th. It tells me it's PM. 10-08. Let's hurry, because Chris Gethard's going to come back from his spot. And I make a show called Altered Tastes with my brother.

The next live episode is November 30th. That's this Friday at Taft's Brewporium. Come see it. It's fun. And I don't know any more movies by these people. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm serious. That's why I'm doing this right now.

Because I've got to get them out because I'm all out. Matthew Broderick. Yeah. Danny I got to get them out. Because I'm done. I'm all out. Matthew Broderick. Yeah. Danny DeVito. I know. KP. I'm ashamed of myself. I shouldn't have been keeping.

I figured no one had seen L.A. Confidential. I was saving L.A. Confidential. Yeah, people skipped that Oscar winner. What's that? Taxi? Did he make a cameo in that movie with Queen Latifah? The TV show Taxi? I thought maybe the one with Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon

had Danny DeVito as a shout-out. Like how the new Ghostbusters had the old Ghostbusters in it. He shows up at the edge of the movie to form the taxi cinematic universe. Anyway, I'm embarrassed, you guys, but I'm going to go. I'm all done. Thank you, Jeff Tate. This might be the first time somebody's come in seventh and had their name chanted. Yeah, not since Rudy.

Has a complete failure been cheered for. Danny DeVito played that. Greg? Brighton Beach Memoirs. Jesse? Margaret? What? Margaret? Yeah, okay. Kenny Lonergan. Yeah, you're right.

I didn't see that one. It's long and it's about sadness. Desmond? The Stepford Wives? Broderick is in that, right? If I remember correctly. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Thank you.

That sounds right. Here we go. Griffin? Duplex. Danny DeVito's Duplex. With Drew Barrymore? Film as a director yeah

okay Erin Look Who's Talking 2 wait that's I think that's what Look Who's Talking Now was

no there's Look Who's Talking Look Who's Talking 2 and Look Who's Talking Now and you think he was talking in two I'm I don't think

they got to the dogs yet in two yeah when does't think they got to the dogs yet in two. Yeah. When does this round end? I really thought I was going to just make it. You were so close. Thank you, Aaron Doug. Thank you, Doug. Yeah, throw your name tag down

and go. Thank you. She did a great job. Shane? Dallas Buyers Club? Okay. All right, Shane Torres, everybody. Thank you. Wow, this is pretty exciting.

We're down to four. And, of course, we're going to switch up what game we're playing after we narrow it down to three. So, Greg. This is the part where the guesses start. This is important. Oh, you're going to guess. I am.

Dude, you've got to stay in at this point. Well, I'm trying, buddy. Okay, but the word guess scares me. In true Douglas movie tradition, the guess is, because I think he's in it, by that I mean Danny DeVito, JFK? Yeah.

The people have spoken. No, I think they want you to stick around because I'm having trouble picturing him in that. I think he had like crazy eyebrows. He was in a scene where he was all drugged up and shit. Are you of, what's his name? Yeah, Luis Guzman.

Oliver Platt's brother, right? You're thinking of Walter Matthau. No, no, no. You're thinking of... Was he in it though? Who? Danny DeVito? I don't think so. No, I think you're thinking of... Who's he into, though? Who? Danny DeVito? I don't think so.

No, I think you're thinking of Vincent DeNiro. Oh, fuck, I might be thinking of Joe Pesci. You're right. Yes. Thank you, Greg Wyshynski. Thank you, everybody. Yeah, he was in those weird scenes with Tommy Lee Jones where they were like, had glitter on them.

All right. Well, here we are. This is a very exciting part of the show. Yeah, because we've got eight nasty, naughty little children gone. Three good, sweet children left. That doesn't make 12. What? That doesn't make 12.

Eight are gone, three are left. I don't know. I'm not great with math, but shit. There's one I just left out because I really am unhappy with his performance. Yeah, nine are gone and twelve... Okay, you're right. Nine are gone, but twelve are still here. Let's do this.

All right, so... Do you guys... Are you comfortable where you're at? Or do you all want to sit in the front row? Make a better stage picture, maybe. How do you want to do this? Are we doing stage pictures? Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know how we can make a good stage picture at this point. It's just a mess. But just stay in the same order. That's the key. Desmond, I guess you're sort of still in the same order. This is totally the same order. All right. But who did we end on when we stopped playing that game?

It was me. I'm going to say Dumbo. Yeah. Yeah. So then, Desmond, you would have been next was me. I'm going to say Dumbo. Yeah. Desmond, you would have been next. Now we are going the other way around. I should sit all the way over there. That's what I wanted but what I want isn't important here.

You would like me to proceed stage right? I would like to proceed in any way possible. Oh my goodness. I got my microphone. I'm possible. Oh, my goodness. I got my microphone. I'm good. Oh, okay, yeah. Yo, there's plenty now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice over here. Warm seat. Thank you. Now that we got rid of those eight naughty, nasty little children, and there's five left. That definitely equals 12. We're going to play Bennington, just like we did last night.

Jesse knows about this. We'll see how the other guys are on it. We'll start with you, Desmond, and then go to Griffin, and then to Jesse. And I'm going to tell you the name of an actor, and you each get, in turn turn a chance to name one movie that you think that they were in that made the most money after being adjusted for inflation

according to boxofficemojo.com you gotta guess that actor's highest grossing film adjusted yeah I couldn't have summarized it better you get three points for number one two for two one for three I couldn't have summarized it better. Just for clarification. You get three points for number one, two for two, one for three, and we're playing three rounds,

and I've got a way to definitely crown a winner tonight instead of that Thai bullshit we had last night. Worldwide or domestic? Thank you for asking. Domestic. We are fucked. All right. Please tell me what's in the top three, Desmond, of the films of Cal Penn. I mean, I'll do Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

Okay. It's got to be. Fair enough. I mean, I think I know what the answer I wanted to say was, but I didn't want to be wrong, so I just went with one that I knew was possible. Hey, Jesse, I predicted that you'd end up in the top three tonight. Thank you, Doug.

Yeah. I was wrong about Jeff, Tate, and Scott Rogowski, though. I always like to guess. No offense, Griffin and Desmond. Oh, no, I'm just the returning champ from last year, but I shouldn't make it into the top three or nothing. Shit. I mean, you know how it goes.

You know how it goes. The mighty always fall. Yeah. That's true. All right, so Griffin, did you tell me one? I mean, you know how it goes. You know how it goes. The mighty always fall. Yeah. That's true. All right. So, Griffin, did you tell me one? No. Superman Returns.

Okay. And what do you got there, Jesse? I'm going to say Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Okay. Here we go. Unfortunately, coming in at number four, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Yeah. Number three,

Malibu's Most Wanted. The fuck is that? Yeah. Number two, I can't believe that didn't come up in the earlier game. Number two, he was in something called Epic Movie. I saw that, yeah. Oh, you did? Was he good in that?

And Cal Penn's number one, Superman Returns. Out of the gate, Griffin with three points. Damn. Let's see if that lead becomes insurmountable because Griffin gets to go first in the second round. Damn. And then Jesse and then Desmond. And, of course, the second round has to be the films of Matthew Broderick.

Damn. What do you think got into his top three? I got to guess Godzilla. Okay. Yeah, I got it. I absolutely got it. You got to do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Jesse? Hercules. Okay. Okay. Desmond? Well, I know it wasn't Tower Heist. You know what?

We're talking about inflation, shit. I'll do Lion King. Okay. Money was different in 94. Right. Here we go. Coming in at number 14,

Deck the Halls. Number five, crazily enough, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Out of the top three. But then his top three are number three, War Games. Number two, Godzilla. So that's two more for griffin he's at

five points yeah that's correct yeah we need somebody to catch up to him and that person might be desmond because the lion king is number one jesse you're just here for fun at this point Yeah You're a spoiler We'll see what happens Oh shit is the last one the big Vito Oh fuck Desmond you get to go first

Oh I do Right you've all gotten a chance to go first right No no no Jesse does Jesse goes first then Desmond And Jesse don't listen to what he was saying it's the films of danny devito wow thank you you know i know desmond was gonna try to mess me up but i'm glad i listened to you doug okay you're so tall man

after yeah it's so hard after adjusting for inflation what do you think is Danny DeVito's number one movie, Jesse? The Lorax. Dr. Seuss' The Lorax. Okay. Daily Double. Desmond, what do you think it is? I'm going to go Batman Returns. Okay. And Griffin?

I'm going to go Twins. He's going Twins. Interesting. Coming in at number 26. Deck the Halls. Tonight is your night, bro. La la la la la la.

Remember when Danny DeVito was fucking doing push-ups before he was going to go mess around with that chick and twins? Coming in at number 6. Dr. Seuss' The Lor lorax oh tough break coming in at number five twins oh shit what's happening coming in sit down coming in at number four terms of endearment three austin powers in gold member in at number four, Terms of Endearment. Three, Austin Powers in Gold Member. I come in at number two

for two points and a tie score. Batman Returns. Desmond and Griffin each pick up a microphone. First, quiet everybody, quiet, quiet. First person to name the number one movie on Danny DeVito's box office mojo adjusted for inflation page.

Jesse, sit this one out. Okay. Okay. It's so dramatic. You're so tall, the microphone went so far from your mouth. Wait. Griffin and Desmond, whoever says it first.

One clue over the cuckoo's nest? That's it. You're the winner. Thank you, Desmond Borges and Jesse Pasternak. Griffin Newman, first appearance. We hang on to all these because we've got to read this shit on the back. Congratulations, dude. That was phenomenal. I forgot to mention,

there's one other item I have in the prize bag. Oh, perfect. Let's hear about it. It's a Thermacare heated pain pad because I got a herniated disc filming season two of The Tick. So I threw that in there. Please watch the show. Yeah, he fucking...

He herniated... He herniated his dick you guys, so you gotta some of these don't even have shitheads on the back. Do you guys listen to this show? I mean, who could possibly get through it? This one, holy

shit, I'm gonna get electrocuted by it. Oh wait, it just says... Is that the... Oh, okay, I get it now. The VA Giants are a shithead. No, Vagiants. Vagiants are a shithead? What's that?

Really large vaginas? Vaginas? All right. Let's see what the fist says. I'm going to talk to this hand. Billy Henahan is a shithead? Wow, you guys are really nailing it with these things. Oh, also, the winner, come get your stuff.

Who won everything? Who was Griffin playing for? This one right here, the sparkle one, right? Anna? Yeah. Come get all your stuff. Congratulations. Great job.

Just wander the stage trying to find shitheads. Here's the Fletch VHS, I should say. Does it have one? Oh, it's tucked in there. I like it. People from New Jersey that tell people they're from New York are a shithead. The NFC East is a shithead. What?

More like the AFC? Hang on, let me double check. No, it fucking says NFC. Shut up. Isaac Nicholson and Jon Hamm because they're basically the same person? And JK Rowling? Because she fucked

with Cannon? What is wrong with people? Oh, there's an envelope and everything. Here we go. And the winner is La La Land. Wow. Breast cancer La La Land. Oh, wow. Breast cancer is a shit head.

Who's going to argue with that? Oh, here's one. Thank you. Target Mobile? Mobile? Mobile? Mobile? Is a shit head?

Oh, shit. The suburbs are a shithead? Marley and Marley are a shithead? I don't know what that means, you guys. This one doesn't have one on it. What's your shithead, Leo? Leo's a shithead for not putting a shithead on his name tag. And that does it, you guys.

Happy end of the year. Love you. Hope to see you again the year. Love you. Hope to see you again next year. Amazing crowds always. This is our 70th show here at the Gramercy. Not really. Play that end theme, please. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.

Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies.