Doug Loves Movies - The Benson Interruption

Episode Date: June 30, 2013

A special free ep of "The Benson Interruption" podcast taped at the UCB Theatre in NYC with guests Nikki Glaser, Jason Mantzoukas, Matt Besser, DC Pierson, and co-interrupter Bob Ducca.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everybody, Producer Ryan here. Doug did an hour-long Benson interruption show at the Del Close Marathon in New York City, and here it is. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Doug's interrupting now, cause it's the interruption. Doug's got a potty mouth, he cuts off all his friends. Here comes the word eruption. He is most happy when he's saying things that pop into his brain The Benson and the Shuffle, The Interruption

Hey everybody! Welcome to the Benson Interruption of the Del Close Marathon at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City! This is right after a cleaning, so they just brought all you guys in and people are scrambling for spots. That was like a SWAT team running around before I came out here. Oh, there's lots of media on this. I'm excited.

I better watch what I say. We've got one hour, and for the uninitiated, here's how the Benson interruption works, or doesn't work as the case may be. I've invited comedians and improvisers to come out here and stand right here at this microphone right here. And then, you know, they might say something like, it's great to be here

at the Del Close Marathon. The last marathon I participated in was a candy bar. And then I'll be sitting right over there, and I'll say something like, you participated in the Baby Ruth marathon, or something clever, and then another thing that we do now on the Vets Interruption lately, the podcast version,

is I like to have a co-interrupter, and that'll be a person that's sitting right over there, and we'll both be going at the person in the middle who's just trying to tell some jokes. And I promised after last year that I would never have Vic Garcia on again. So here he is! No. But I still, I love the idea of having a non-pro,

like, well, I mean, he was trying to be a stand-up comic, that guy, but he was more of a former cop than an actual comic. And so I wanted to just have somebody that I'm a fan of that's not necessarily a comedian, and I know I don't normally have an open-door policy like my friend Scott Aukerman over at Comedy Bang Bang, but please welcome from that program Mr. Bob Duca.

Thank you. Yes, and thank you very much. You're already in the improv spirit of things? No shoes? What's that about? I have a... Because of the flight, the pores in my feet shrank. Plus, I'm trying to keep these toenails, so... No shoes for a while. You trying to grow them out, you're saying?

Yeah, the slightest gust could send these toenails into these people's faces. It's a mineral thing, y'all. Doug, in the spirit of comedy, I wore a silly hat. See, I've never seen you in person, so I didn't know if that was a look that you always sported. Because there's a lot of things going on in your wardrobe that the hat isn't the only thing that draws attention. I don't know what you mean.

Well, first of all, I love the tribute to Sam Elliott underneath your nose. That's an awesome Sam Elliott stache you got going there. Ha ha ha ha. But then also, you've got multiple injuries and also bandages that you could probably wear underneath your clothes. No, there's some under there, too. Oh, okay. Yeah. These are just my formal bandages.

You've got like a back brace that's on the outside of your shirt. That's right. Because the inside of the shirt gets, you know, this is a moisture-wicking back brace. It's got about 30 pounds of body salt in it right now. From sweat and things. I figured that out. I think I know what body salt is now, in context. Not to be mistaken with bath salts now you usually

when you show up on comedy bang bang you just sort of stop by but here you you know you made a special trip to be here that's right i was told there'd be free water did you get some not yet can we get can we get mr duca some free water if you get some? Not yet. Can we get Mr. Duca some free water? If you get a chance? Nobody's going to get you free water. I had 17 connecting flights to get here. They somehow found me a $30 ticket from Los Angeles. I've been traveling for two weeks.

I'm very, very thirsty. Well, I see there's... it looks like someone in the front row has two bottles of water it's like showing off oh here we go here's one here's some right here would you

do you mind would you get up and give it to him thank you what's your name oh give it to him? Thank you. What's your name? Courtney. Oh. I should explain.

Yeah, I was kind of a weird... Her name's Courtney? Because of a recent screaming fit, my throat muscles are only about 20% right now. So liquids are difficult. Yeah, you're having trouble keeping it in your mouth. I see there. Yeah, because of my scream muscles took over my face.

I don't know the technical term for it, but that's what happened. I had a night terror and woke up. They said that I must be part snake because my jaw dislocated out of fear and was able to over... Edward Munch proportions. That's the guy who painted the scream, right? Uh-huh.

I figured if they didn't get it, they didn't deserve to get it. I figured if they didn't get it, they didn't deserve to get it. That's the perfect attitude. You don't want it back? You can keep it. There you go. That's a smart girl right there. Can we get a fresh water for Courtney?

Do you want to try really quick before we start bringing the guests out? Would you like to try your hand at improvising? Oh, yes. And? Yeah. Oh, shit. You're halfway there. You're halfway there.

Yeah. I'll get better. Okay. So let's just get, I was going to go to the crowd for a suggestion, but since she gave you the water, let's get a suggestion from Courtney. Oh, okay. Courtney, just suggest anything. Just like one word.

Canoe. What do you got? Any... You don't look like a man who would canoe. But I'm the sheriff of this water... I'm a... I'm a... I'm a water sheriff. And you were fishing without a license.

Al Gore. I left it in my other pants. That's my Al Gore impression. That was great. You're great at this. Well, I've been in level one for nine years. It's fun. By the way, if anybody has a practice group,

I will go anywhere at any time to just jam out a little bit. And if there's water there, I'll be there first. Just tell him where you're going to be and two weeks later later he'll get there by hook or by crook you ready to start the interruption uh huh yeah

let's do it I've got four good friends of mine coming out here to entertain you tonight and within the time frame, the allotted time frame of one hour. So let's get on it and bring to the stage Mr. Matt Besser! Hey everybody!

Woo! Very nice. Hot crowd. Yeah. It's kind of cool down here too. It feels nice. Just let's just be honest on this question. So are we all kind of waiting for the first person to die on a city bike?

Because it's going to happen, right? It's going to happen. There should be a death pool, right? It happened? Well, I'm glad we all laughed about it and got it out of the way. I heard it was a bad person escaping from the police, right? Did it really happen? Was it a tourist?

No. Got hit by a... Of course! Of course he's going to get hit by a bus. That's such an archetype. Got hit by a bus. Who gets hit by a bus? That's like an archetype. You got hit by a bus. Who gets hit by a bus? That's like getting your eye poked out with a pencil. That's like, that's God telling that person not to commute.

To stay home? I think that's God telling him to... Buy a car. What's wrong with you? Get a car. That's God telling him to not do anything anymore. Right? Yeah.

Yeah, I like that theory. If he wanted to give a warning, he probably shouldn't have used a bus. But it is kind of, this is good, though, in a way, because it's kind of cool, like, handing out shit to tourists and people, like, that's kind of dangerous.

Just to see what... They could do city bank chainsaws and shit. Because shit that you just want to kind of fuck around with. Okay. Or a pit bull. Go to the dog run. How many people here have a pit bull? Not many.

But wouldn't you like to have a pit bull just for the day? And who knows what's going to happen? Just get one for a day and walk it around? Oh, I was just going to say dogs don't like me. You don't have to raise your hand to talk. You can just say it. It's a shy interruption when you raise your hand. Can I see your fishing license, Mr. Gorbachev?

You know, I get that fucking Gorbachev fucking in so all the time. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I know I look like him, but I don't need to hear that right now. Were you at the pie eating contest just now? Is that blueberry and not a birthmark? On your face. Wait, isn't Gorbachev the one that had the big birthmark? Yeah.

Isn't that why people mistake you for him? That's one of the reasons. The other reason is I'm 80 years old. Oh, man. What? I feel bad. Sir, the water police has a

complaint department. I want you to turn me in. He's really getting good at improv. You might be level two by the end of this show. Can you sign something for me that says that? Because I'm officially not allowed in classes. I was walking today. Are you from New York City?

You're from L.A., aren't you? I'm from Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been here before, but you have to, this is truly a place where you walk down the street and you're like, there's every, every, it's not just every race, just every type of person. You can just look in one direction.

You don't even have to turn around. And you can see the ugliest, freakiest person and the most beautiful person in the world. And you're like, oh, hey. Your brain's doing that, like, constantly. Did you find that? I like it when it's the other way around because it's a good boner killer. Hey, like, constantly. Did you find that? I like it when it's the other way around, because it's a good boner killer. Oh.

Hey, hey, hey. Oh! Thank you for... That would have been indecent of me to have a boner right now. Oh, look out for that bus. Do more people walk out in front of a bus because of seeing an ugly person or a hot person?

Definitely a hot person. Yeah. It's always, yeah, they always just do a double take and then bam. It is embarrassing when you're driving. You guys may not relate to this as much. But how much your head will bend, how much you will allow yourself to look behind you as you're driving dangerously.

No. How did you, what happened to your, how did you get your neck injury, Bob? I had a night thrash. My cervical vertebrae. What is that? That's when I have a nightmare and from the neck up I thrash about like a... Like a thrift store rag doll.

I want to ask you something. You have back troubles, I see. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm starting to have the same type of thing. Do you have to start standing? Like I found my, like this isn't, we're in a marathon right now, and this is like an endurance thing to me.

So I have to start standing like this, just not for my back to hurt. But this is not a cool way to stand. And then I'm rocking back and forth. Yeah, you have to let some of that pelvic steam out. The pelvic muscles retain a lot of steam. You can't have a conversation with someone doing this. But this is the only way I can hate. You are preaching to the converted.

I know that. Yeah. No one wants to stand with someone having to do this with their back. Hip thrashing. Can you come up here a second, ma'am? You right here. No, you right there. What's happening?

Let's give her a hand. Okay. Okay. I'm a tall guy, right? Yeah. Okay. Now, come on up here. So, I'm in a lot of, you know, there's a lot of parties here, and I'm talking to people.

And I'm starting to lose my hearing, honestly, Doug. Are you yet losing it a little? I'm sorry, what? Exactly. Duca, you can understand this, right? Okay. And you're tall, too. Can you come here?

You're taller than I am, actually. It's going to take me a long time to get out of this. Yeah, it's okay. He moves kind of slow. But when I'm in a party situation like this... Now say Duke and I are speaking together and you come up and speak to us. Oh, this is going to end badly.

Don't do that thrusting thing you were doing earlier. Get somebody a little taller if you're going to do that. No, I'm just asking, what am I supposed to do? Because this looks weird. Yeah, that's never happened to me before, though. People usually talk to me like it's fine. I'm asking what stance should I do? That'll be okay.

Because this happens to me all the time. Like, I'll go through a few. That works. It does? Yeah. Because that feels good for my back. I think I'd get judged. Yeah.

Do you feel responsibility, though? Do I? Yeah. A little bit? I wear high heels, like, most of the time. Shouldn't you hop every once in a while? No. But, oh. You don't want to do it?

It's dangerous. You should get a medical stool. If you're chronically under-heighted like yourself, Blue Cross will pay for a two-step step stool. But it's our fault for being tall

as much as anyone else for being short. So I just want there to be a happy medium. Can you maybe just hop a little as I... Like jump up and down? Just a little bit. Like that? See, there we meet halfway. Yeah, that's a good

option. Can I tell you something? If this stool had wheels, everything would be A-okay. That's the thing. I need to sit down more, is really it. That's why you have to get one of those chair canes. A cane that folds out. Give this lady a hand for coming up here.

You know, I'm glad she sat down because I suffer from female pheromone-derived dementia. sat down because I suffer from female pheromone-derived dementia. If you want to sue them at a later date, I made a vine of the whole thing. Was that sexual harassment? There's six seconds of whatever

he was doing. I'm medically ineligible for sexual harassment suits. Not possible. When was the last time you were eligible? Like how long has it been? For functioning sexual? Yeah.

In the law? Under the law. 1987. Wow. What happened in 87? Raccoon accident. I went camping and like an idiot kept the raccoon food

in my pants. It's like rule number one of camping. Do you have a question? I do. Where did you, since you're not from town, where did you go today?

Whoa. Is that a medical mustache? It's a prosthetic mustache. But a mustache isn't something someone needs. So why do you need it? I do need it. I have an overactive nasal flow and I have a massive hair lip that... I basically have a tooth mustache if I don't have this one. I'm just being honest. I stand corrected. I was just going to ask where you went today. I assume you saw some sites. I made it down to the lobby. Of your hotel? Uh-huh. And that's a site? Well, in my book it is, sure.

What'd you do in the lobby? Yeah. Turned around. Would they put you up on a really high floor or something? Yeah, I'm in a water tank. I'm in one of those wooden water tanks.

That are on top of the hotels? Yeah. You're not supposed to be in that. Really? Hey, don't get sarcastic with me, man. No, I'm serious. I kept telling the guy that, but he was mean to me. I don't know why either of you are forgetting that

you're the water sheriff. That's true. Oh, rats. Is it a jurisdiction thing? Is that the problem? Can I be back in the scene? Yeah. Okay. My jurisdiction just changed.

You are under arrest. What are you arresting him for? Sometimes I'm not good. What are you arresting him for? Sometimes I'm not good. For his... You shot that kid. You better... Is there water still up in those things? I've always wondered that.

Not in the one I'm staying in. Well, a little bit. The blankets are damp damp i've had a hacking cough since i got here well why not go to a hostel because i'd have to pay for that the ucb paid for me to stay in an empty water tower so they probably didn't pay anything then yeah i'm glad you're able to make it out. Matt, do you have anything else you want to discuss? What year is this at the Del Close Marathon?

This is number 15. How many have you done? I don't know. This is probably about eight for me, maybe. I think it's great that you are the representation of stand-up in the Del Close Marathon. Let's give Doug a hand. Where improv and stand-up meet. Yes. They meet and they don't necessarily get along, but we try. And I love doing shows here and have been doing I think this might be

my eighth marathon or something like that. All right. Well, welcome, Doug. And thank you for having me as part of your show. Thank you, guys. Matt Besser, everybody! He's one of the four original founders of Upright Citizens Brigade. The witch?

That's what I thought. Please welcome to the stage my friend D.C. Pearson! D.C. Pearson! Ooh, nice and soft. Thank you. Bob, it's great. Thanks, Doug. Thanks for having me, first of all. I'm just really excited to be here in the presence of Bob. He's like the podcast king. He's on so many podcasts.

I love it. Is it because you don't... Wow, you guys probably couldn't see it, but I got a really good look at the hair lip that he was talking about. It's like, you know in Lord of the Rings when they're sailing between those two giant mountains with dudes on them?

It's like that. There's giant... It's this amazing... You know, in junior high, the mean kids called me bone pussy I was like Harvey Weinstein where were you when I needed you for the bullying

that was a good reference good job oh saw it again I keep seeing that thing That was a good reference. Good job. I like this. Oh, I saw it again. I keep seeing that thing. Wow. Yeah, take your glasses off. You don't want to see it. You don't want to catch a glimpse of it.

It looks like that thing in the tank in Dune. Yeah, like that weird little worm creature. That weird vagina creature. Man, it's freezing cold. It is very vaginal. It's like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. If a Georgia O'Keeffe painting were made of pure terror. Who's that guy

that did the designs for aliens? Geiger? H.G. Geiger? I've never known how to pronounce it correctly. That on here. Yeah, no kidding. I feel like even he would be like, that's fucked up. You know what I mean? I was going to do a German accent for him, but then I decided I didn't know if he was German or not.

But doesn't he sound German? H.G. Geiger? Or Giger? Is he? Swiss. Oh, right. We're at a fucking improv theater. In case anyone forgot, we're in this heart of the nerdiest shit ever as soon as i was like does anyone know instead there was like how did you

even say hg geek hr giger hr geek his his name even sounds like geek and then other people like swiss swiss he's swiss which i feel like when you get people rapidly a bunch of let's be honest mostly white people in a place where they're all like looking at one thing and people just starting europe start chanting european nationalities it's terrifying swiss get them too you know it's terrifying it's weird but i'm i'm sort of in like a weird culty state of mind because for the show after this called match game uh i hate to like bring the curtain down but it's going to be a bunch of improvisers playing famous people the famous people themselves won't actually be here and it's supposed to take place i know don't don't get their don't raise or lower their hopes because there's been some pretty famous people show up for it.

Okay, you're right. John Candy is going to make it. But seriously, though, like, Brooke Shields was here one year. For reals. Can I tell a... Please. It's not a Brooke Shields story. She's involved.

It's a tangential Brooke Shields story. Oh, she's not even the subject? No, the subject, my dear Doug Benson, is a man called Brendan Fraser. Does anybody know a film called Furry Vengeance? Came out maybe four or five years ago. I had a teeny tiny bit part in it, and it was eventually cut out. But in the was, I had a teeny tiny bit part in it and it was eventually it was cut out.

But in the movie, basically the premise of the movie is that Brendan Fraser is like an evil developer, but he doesn't know he's evil. He thinks that he's, he's going to build this like green community. It's going to be really green. But the irony is that he's chopping down all the trees to build this green community. By the way, this is a kid kids movie. So kids are supposed to care about like, oh, I see the ecological irony there. I'm four. And all these talking animals, they don't talk. They squeak and anthropomorphize.

They have smiley faces, like a raccoon as he's cutting Brendan Fraser's brake lines or whatever. Raccoons is a touchy subject to bring up around Bob. Is that triggering for you? Yeah. I'm sorry.

I apologize. But you might like this movie. Have you seen it? No. How come the man didn't know he was evil? How come Brendan, his character? Is that a thing? Well, that's the arc of the movie, I think.

He thinks he's the good guy, but then he learns the error of his ways because all these animals that are in the forest that he's cutting down start harassing him. So at any rate, at one point in the movie, I think. He thinks he's the good guy, but then he learns the error of his ways because all these animals that are in the forest that he's cutting down start harassing him. So at any rate, at one point in the movie, he's being driven slowly insane by all these animals. Do they sexually harass him? Because that would be sweet.

It's like, nice gams. You said they couldn't talk. That's true, but they force themselves. They achieved just enough sentience to be like Mad Men era sexually harassing. You know what I mean? Nice sticks, hun.

They say that kind of stuff. That's not how it happens. I know you guys are cute. Or how animals briefly learn to talk to sexually harassed people. I'm talking about animal rape. Wait a second. Are we talking animal

to animal? I thought you were talking about cross things, cross species. Cross species. Sexual deviance, yes. Give us an example. Yeah, tell us more. The example is when the raccoon mowed up my penis for life. It wasn't just hungry for raccoon food, my friend.

But it was in your pocket right there, though, right? Huh? The food was right near your penis. Yes. But with the malicious nature with which the raccoon went at my genitalia. So you're saying the raccoon was just using the food as a pretext. Oh yeah.

Plausible deniability. The raccoon was smart enough to be like, I know there's food in there so if I ever get called on it, I can be like, I was just after the food. They're smart enough to reach a garbage can lid, you tell me. Fair enough. That is the measure of intelligence. i've seen a raccoon drink a beer

bottle like a guy how many wait how many guys do you know how many guys do you know that drink a beer like i i grew up in a logging town so a lot of guys didn't have... Their arms were so tired from... Most of their fingers were sawed off. Oh, I see. You might have to just sit there and hold your mustache the whole time. That old thing. Can we get someone to hold it for you? Does anyone want to just sit here and play with his mustache? I don't think anyone wants to do that.

I go into... My amygdala is programmed. When I see things in my periphery, I attack. Oh, maybe you better not then. But thank you for volunteering. We do appreciate it. She shook her head at me like, fuck you. Which is fair.

She really wants to hold his mustache. I'd take her up on that if I were you. How long has it been since... Do you get a lot of lady action? No. That's really surprising. I know. I love chess.

So then in Act 3 of Furry Vengeance... No, but so... The thing that I was supposed to be in the movie was like a college kid that was attending a music festival in Brendan Fraser's town dressed in a bear like mascot costume. And at this point, he's been driven so crazy by animals that he sees me in what is very obviously a mascot costume, assumes I'm a real bear and punches me in the bear face and like the mascot head. So and this is all allegedly. How can we even be sure this was you if you had a mask on? Also, it was cut from the movie, so you can't.

I could just be like the most. He never punches it? What's that? He never punches a bear? He got cut out of the movie. I don't know if it's on the DVD because I haven't seen the DVD. That probably was where they were like, you know, we got to draw the line somewhere when it comes to credibility. And we got to keep some.

So, but in the scene I'm supposed to like take my helmet off so I imagine at that point you would see me but I don't know because I've never seen it. The whole thing got cut. Yeah, exactly.

And burned so there's no evidence of it. Is your name still in the credits at the end? It's not and I know that because I just watched the credits the other day

because they're on YouTube because there's a part at the end where everybody dances to Insane in the Membrane including Brooke Shields, Ken Jeong, Brendan Fraser.

It was kind of like a 40-year-old virgin thing, or something about Mary thing, with everybody in the movie dancing and singing a song. Furry Vengeance, there's something about Mary. The totems of modern American comedy. So, we're doing this, we're going to shoot this scene, and Brendan comes out and introduces himself, and then

the assistant director's like, okay, we're going to run this gonna shoot this scene and and brendan comes out and like introduces himself and then the the uh the assistant director is like okay we're gonna run this like half speed no contact no actual punching or whatever so i'm supposed to go up to him tap him on the shoulder he's supposed to turn around scream and like punch me but we're just rehearsing it there's no cameras or anything like we just met and so i go up to him i i tap him on the shoulder. He turns around, screams, and punches me full on in the bear head. And it drives the bear head into my face. So, like, I don't get the force

of the punch, but I get the force of the bear head hitting my nose. I'm so shocked that I completely break character, stop the scene, rip my bear head off, and go, Jesus fucking Christ! Professional. And then I just see he looks terrified, like he totally didn't realize what he was doing

perhaps he thought i was a mummy and then he just or he thought you were sarah jessica parker i don't know uh is that like a reference suddenly do right you do right okay i tried that guy shook his head disappointedly. The HGG guy was like, he thinks it's Munkerbone. Georgia the Jungle. That's another Brendan Fraser classic. Bob, you have such specific

veins of knowledge. The filmography of Brendan Fraser, cross-species sexual assault. Most of my pop culture is derived from how good the sound is in backyards that I'm sleeping in. Oh, you mean like you're overhearing it. So did you like overhear House of Cards? What did you think about it?

I mean, the beginning sounded neat. I fell asleep. Aside from that, did you like being a bear? Yeah, it was fun. I mean, it was really hot that day. But then Brooke Shields comes in because she plays his wife. So Brendan Fraser just looks terrified. And Brooke Shields has this look in her eye.

She's horrified as well. She's covering her mouth like this because she's in the scene as well. And the look in her eye wasn't like, it wasn't like, oh my God, what happened? It was like, it finally happened. You know what I mean? Like she had been waiting for

someone to get punched in the face and then it finally occurred. Allegedly. This is being podcast, right? Because it was a unpleasant set or something? No, I think it was, I think it was just really tense

and it was hot. It was like Boston in the middle of summer and it was like, they had to like, everybody was impatient because they had to like, bring these like, fake animals out. Like, really fake. Like, taxidermy animals that they were going to replace later in the movie. So I just think there was a lot of like, waiting around for stuff that was just like, putting a raccoon someplace.

Standing back and being like, action! You gotta check the raccoon's eyeline. Sorry, we didn't mean to bring up raccoons. I have a thing. Mr. Gore, step back. There's a bear in the stream. But from before, because I'm the water police, you bear. Yeah, you're tying it all together nicely.

Thank you. I appreciate it. The great thing about your callbacks is no one doesn't know their callbacks. Because you have like footnotes that say like, footnote, callback. Yeah. Which I appreciate. I want to know why, a couple things. Sure. Why there wasn't a rehearsal before he punched you square in the face really hard?

It was supposed to be the rehearsal. That was the rehearsal. And then why in the scene, what is your motivation for tapping a guy on the shoulder while wearing a bear suit i guess i'm asking him like directions but he's so frenzied he thinks i'm really a bear at any rate and i'm not just saying this to back pedal but i kind of am um he was super nice to me the rest of the day and he was very sweet and very apologetic it could happen to anyone guys um. But yeah, he felt really, really bad. And then we got back to the cooling tent because it was so hot.

He was like, so Funny or Die, right? Because he knew I was a comedian and he just brought up Funny or Die. He's like, Funny or Die is good. And I was like, it is, man. And then we were just both sad together. TC Pearson, ladies and gentlemen. and ladies and gentlemen.

Man, his hair is long. Did you see it? Yeah. You should, um, you should grow yours out and just hold it under your nose over your hair lip situation. I'm trying to retain enough protein to grow my hair,

but it's so hard. Please welcome to the stage my friend Nikki Glaser is here! Hi! Hi, Bob! Hi. How's it going? Have you ever

heard of Bob Duca before? Yeah, I'm a big fan. Hi. Yeah. He usually has lists that he reads. I don't know why he hasn't. I've never seen you. I've only ever heard you. I can't recognize

my own face in the mirror, so I know what you mean. I have facial dysplasia. I like him too much. I'm going to be laughing the whole time. That's okay. He doesn't seem to mind being laughed at. I think he just appreciates the attention. I don't recognize emotions. Right.

But did you bring some of your famous lists? I don't mean to cut into Vicky's time with it, but I think it would be fun to hear some of your famous lists? I don't mean to cut into Vicky's time with it, but I think it would be fun to hear one of your... I put together a special list for New York City. Doug, I was so excited when you asked me this. This is a special list of New York City smells. Summertime edition. Burnt sugar nuts.

Late night deli bacon. Bone marrow. Broken pharmacy AC. Neck butter. Harmony Corinne. Let's get the correct pronunciation on that.

It's Corinne, right? Oh, shit. Fuck it. Incense blanket. Heroin sweat. Rollerblade sweat. Old person umbrella. roller blade sweat, old person umbrella,

double barf, triple piss, sun-dried mailbox sandwich. Wait a minute, I messed that one up. Indoor pigeon. Abandoned suitcase Neil Young bandana and police horse Now you go Okay, can I go now? I can't.

I smelled at least a few of those coming over here tonight. It's good to be back in the city. You really captured it. Doug, I just remembered just when he was talking about Brendan Fraser, I was like, do I have a celebrity thing? And I don't. But I remember one time we were at the airport, and we were waiting waiting and you quietly

were like hey uh Hugh Jackman and I was like what and I like turn around and it was just a huge black man and do you remember that I may have told it before but it's my favorite story that really happened but it was Michael Clark Duncan. No, it wasn't. He's dead. Yeah, I know. He got hit by a bus. Called cancer. It's just the facts.

Isn't it? How do you die? Heart attack? Oh. Well, that's exciting. I take it back. He's not dead. Less exciting. I take it back. He's not dead. City bikes. Everyone hates these city bikes.

But they've been around. I've been using them for, before they were even, the blue ones. I've been using the all white ones that come with the flowers for years. You can just pick those up anywhere. I feel like I set a bad tone for that next joke with my Michael Clark Duncan talk. Yeah. And it's important to remember that before he died, he saved

a lot of mice. Wait, how? By holding them in his green mile. That's right. Did you ever see the green mile, Bob? I mean, did you ever hear it From over a fence?

Oh Is it a movie where Tom Hanks is Oh, I just heard the part Where you couldn't pass a kidney stone And thought I was talking in my sleep Yeah, Tom Hanks has very painful Urine problems Hey, he nailed it

He nailed it Because you have the same thing? Uh-huh. It sounds like somebody emptying out an aquarium when I try to take a pee-pee. There's so many stones in there. I just mean coming out of my penis. I don't know why.

Right. I think that's why you need more water. I think that would help you with the kidney stones. Oh, man, I do need more water. I wish I could reach down there. Do you want me to? Uh-huh. All right.

Thank you. That was great. Oh, here we go. Can you also help him get it in his mouth? I'll hold the mustache. Okay. Go ahead. So disturbing So so upsetting To watch this

And exciting too Keep it going He enjoyed it Thank you Is that refreshing? Yeah Yeah Got a little something in there Thank you. Is that refreshing? Yeah. Yeah.

Got a little something in there. From the mustache? Don't get it electrocuted. Have you ever been electrocuted? Yes. What was the circumstance? I attract lightning. What's that called?

I just have too many minerals in my head, I think. But I can start a lightning storm. Man, even when there's none around. You can start one. Yeah. Nice. It's kind of cartoonish when I explain it to people. It looks like just a black cloud with yellow lightning bolts. Oh, man, I'm hot.

It is warm in here. When does your Nikki and Sarah program come back to the MTV? Has anyone seen it? Yeah, they have. Really? I see the shit out of it. Nice. Oh, thanks, Doug.

July 30th. Yeah. Yeah. Season two. Tuesday nights, same time? Tuesday nights at 11. Yeah. Nice.

We're getting... Yeah, I've been on break. I went to Thailand. Have you been? have you seen the thing that amazed me the most about is that everyone drives scooters but no one wears helmets and women everywhere carry babies going like 60 kilometers or i don't know what it on their scooters on their scooters just holding babies like newborn like slippery like just came out of the womb babies it's crazy isn't it crazy they don't care i wore a helmet and a four-year-old called me a faggot and i was, I didn't know they got Tosh.0 here. But, uh... Oh, that wasn't... But they do.

I guess they do. Oh, they get it all right. They understand it. Yeah. Truth. And how long were you there for? Ten days. Oh.

Yeah, it was great. Did you do any comedy while you were there? No. Ew. I was taking a break. Did they have any there? I didn't even look into it. Just me and the lady boys.

There are lady boys there. It's like a whole sub, like there's men, women, and lady boys. You went with somebody that you call the lady boys. Me and a dance troupe called the lady boys. Just vacationing in Thailand.

Yeah, just doing it. What was the weather like? Was it crazy hot? It was gorgeous. I mean, yeah, it was crazy, but it's like this. And it was just beaches. And that's the only joke I had about Thailand. So the rest is pretty much a lot of naps on beaches.

Which leads me to something else. I joined Match.com two months ago. Really? Yeah, I want to know those people that went woo. Is it because you met somebody and got married? Yeah. Because no one admits to meeting online. When you meet a couple and you're

like how'd you meet and they like just panic and look at each other and they're like a field like that's generally online like when they just scramble and then they're but uh it's so embarrassing i did it and i was sober when i did it so there's no excuse. I paid the money for just a month and it's excruciating to make this profile. You have to pick a screen name that defines who you are. So mine is GivenUp84.

I was like, that's the only thing. Or like PussyLikeAsian. I don't know. To get people's attention. You got Bob's attention. You got Bob's attention. Is that an affliction that you've heard of?

It is. Are you on match, Bob? No. No? But he did meet somebody in a field when she tripped over him. Funny enough, we were both hiding from the cops. What did you do? Why were the cops pursuing you?

I wasn't doing nothing, man. Okay. Okay. I was minding my own business. Fucking cops roll up on me. You can't read a paper in the park anymore? Forget it.

What kind of paper was it? It was like a It was like a It's a real gotcha question It works for Katie Couric No, it's going to be embarrassing I just wanted something to read It was like a white supremacist

You know, there was like mazes You could draw mazes and do connect the dot type of thing Looking back, it wasn't tasteful But I was bored and I wanted something to read the dot type of thing. Looking back, it wasn't tasteful. But I was bored and I wanted something to read. Alright. What were you talking about? Snatch.com. So you're on Snatch.com.

Not anymore. Why? What happened? What went wrong? Because it just kept... First of all, you download the app, which is the most embarrassing app to have. I have period tracker apps that are less humiliating when people see them.

Who is... And then the Match app... Do you want to get push notifications? No. I can wait to find out when a 48-year-old Sri Lankan man finds my smile intoxicating. Yeah, I need wait to find out when a 48-year-old Sri Lankan man finds my smile intoxicating. Yeah, I need to know right away.

That's all I got. And every guy that they matched me with, I swear to you, every single one was like, Mark likes running and birds, too. And I don't know where I said I liked birds. I really don't. I had to go back and look, it was it was under um pets that you would be like not cool with and so i didn't check birds as like a problem so then they're like she loves birds so mark and i are the foundation of our relationship is based on the fact that i can

tolerate birds and because i lied about the running thing and i hope mark did too relationship is based on the fact that I can tolerate birds and because I lied about the running thing and I hope Mark did too. Why is everyone on match training for a marathon? Those are people on match. Can you sync up the apps? Oh, Brian. I don't know.

That'd be helpful. Does anyone have the period tracker app? Do you have it? Really? And whoo. What's the reaction? It's awesome.

It's kind of cool. It's like a calendar, like a Vagenda type thing. And you just... To remind yourself? Yeah, because you... You lose track. Yeah, it's like 28 days, so that's not like a month,

so you can't count on the same day every month. And you put your period in it once. You just bleed on it a little bit. You don't do that. You just manually rub blood on it. No, it tells you when you're going to get it. It's not that on point. Can it tell you when you're going to die?

Is it like a Ouija board? Your period is in three days. Oh, and also bus. No, but it'll tell you days you're going to cry on a treadmill. Stuff like that. So Nikki Glazer, ladies and gentlemen, thank you.

Could have done that all night, but we've only got, uh, eight minutes and 28 seconds left for my friend, Jason Manzoukas. Oh, you're going to pull up a chair, are you? Yeah, I'm going to sit. Oh, okay.

Because it is hot. Hello, Bob. Hey, Jason. Have you guys appeared together on a podcast? Is that why you kind of seem familiar with each other? Yeah, we've hung out before. We're familiar. We're familiar with each other? Yeah, we've hung out before. We're familiar. We're familiar with each other.

Interesting. Am I the only one that feels a little bit like, are we still doing women's periods? Let's be done with periods. Not, I mean, like, with them as a bodily function. What do you... Have we not figured out how to eradicate

periods? Huh? Eradicate periods? We kinda have. Isn't there something you can take where you have like a super period every three or four months? Oh. There is. By the way, I'm into a super period. Because a regular period is an inconvenience.

A super period is a fetish. Open the overlook elevator doors. And bring it. I am interested. I am interested. Don't get me wrong. I know you're going for a Shining reference. Can I tell you something?

If it's that you have something? Oh, Bob, if it's that you have a super period, Bob, no, no, I was just going to say they're not as cool as they seem like they're going to be. The super period. Yeah.

All right, fine. I dated a woman. Bob is serious about this. It was horrifying. What happened? What happened? I was hanging out with this girl.

Bob. Bob, no offense, but I feel like you're making this story up. No, I'm not. And we were hiking over a place that had a whole bunch of logs. A whole bunch of what now? Uh-oh, here we go. Fallen trees, logs. Is the microphone holding your mustache on? Is that?

I just want to, for those listening on the podcast. Man, I wish I could carry this thing around with me all the time. If you had wheels on the bottom of this stool and this thing, I'd be set. Why don't you have like a motorized wheelchair? I can't, well, I can't find a place to plug in. For a motorized wheelchair? Yeah. Wait, you can't find a place to

plug in? Does your house not have electricity? I don't have a house. Oh. Yeah, he doesn't have a home. I do have a question. Bob, you live in Los Angeles, am I correct? Or you live in the greater Los Angeles area. How'd you get here? I told him before.

Oh, my bad. Did I miss that part? They found me a $90 flight. I've been traveling for two weeks. 17 connections. Fair enough. Fair enough. I apologize for missing that segment.

Yeah. So what's going on with you, Jason? Oh, you know, just losing an aggressive amount of weight, sweating out all of the vital fluids in my body. I have a preposterous amount of perspiration in my shorts. I am sweating like a monster. Like a real monster that exists in the world. And it's like, wait, I'm a monster. I didn't expect it to be so hot.

What do you mean? Do you not feel the heat down yet? A monster in the world? What do you mean? Monsters aren't real. Right? You're just kidding. No, you're right.

You're right, Bob. Monsters aren't real. Don't you worry. But he's sweating like one. But it is. It's what I do today? Uh-huh. That's a great question Super good question

I slept I did a bunch of improv shows I took a walk I ate some food with friends How do you get it all in? I did some more improv shows Wow Right?

Yeah And I mean like think about it this way I went all over the world in those shows you know I mean like I wasn't just in New York City today I was in Paris I was in Africa I was on the moon yeah I was in a movie theater what what what what which one what's your favorite? Oh, man, probably the movie theater. We were seeing Pacific Rim. How was it in the improv sketch?

We never got to it. We were still in previews. Oh, the sketch was about watching the trailers? Yeah, we were still in previews. Who was working that day? Who was working that day at the movie theater in the improv show?

Yeah. At the movie theater. Yeah, Russ. Russ was working. Yeah. Yep. Pete Rabinowitz. Yeah.

Is he still average height? Yep. Yep. He's still average height. I know him. You were definitely level two. Don't kid around. You were really...

You're quite good at this improvising thing. You're doing really, really well, Bob. Thank you. You're doing a great job tonight. Let's hear it for Bob, everybody. Yeah. Feel that little breeze from that applause. Isn't that nice?

It's real nice. Oh, did everybody get fans? Fucking home run. Does it say probiotic on it? Wait, are we distributing fans for a probiotic drink? Is this what's happening? Isn't this to make you regular or something? No, no, no.

It's for regulating gut flora. The active cultures. Don't joke about it. I'm sorry, Bob. These people are sick. Are the living flora and fauna of your stomach damaged? They can thrash your entire equilibrium. I would not be surprised

if you had abdominal cicadas. Oh. It's going to be a tough fall. Abdominal cicadas. Abdominal cicadas? Stool larvae. Are you making fun of me? No way.

I do want so much to make Bob Dugan lists all the time. He makes great lists. Oh, unstoppable lists. And also, a pretty darn good poet. He is? Yeah. Get out of here. Bob and I appeared on a podcast once, and he recited a poem he wrote called A Ship Called Hope.

If you haven't heard it, look it up. It's pretty spectacular. I'm going to Google that. Google that shit. We've got about... Has anybody died yet? What do you mean? I mean, it's aggressively hot.

we've got about has anybody died yet what do you mean it's aggressively hot it's like i walked from the backstage which is pretty warm out uh to get some water in the front and it was so overwhelmingly smelled of comedians i gotta put that to my list that that is by the way that is a real honor to be on one of his lists to yeah

the list is life to contribute to a list what is it is your mustache okay no it's not it looks like you're perennially giving the symbol

for the eating not it looks like you're perennially giving the symbol for the eating vagina it looks like you are always trying to communicate to whoever you're looking at a love eating pussy and I'm good to go he looks like a pussy eating cowboy especially because when you're there

the mustache is like pubes. Yeah, it's gotten to me in some trouble. Now, just a quick question, Doug. Ten, nine, eight. Should I get a suggestion from the audience? It's too late. Okay, get one.

Can I get a suggestion from the audience, please? What is it? Good night Thank you. you