Doug Loves Movies - The Benson Interruption: The Podcast at Bumbershoot

Episode Date: September 5, 2012

Enjoy this free ep of The Benson Interruption: The Podcast, taped in Seattle, WA at Bumbershoot Arts and Music Festival with guests Nick Swardson, Jen Kirkman, Sean Jordan, Jay Hollingsworth, Kurt Braunohler, James Adomian, and co-interrupter Kumail Nanjiani.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug Hates Candy Rappers Screaming Baby Stinky Seeds With... I'll be at the Kansas City Improv on September 13th at 10.15pm with my special guest Graham Elwood, and we'll play some Leonard Maltin game with the crowd if you guys bring name tags. But in the meantime, here's the Benson Interruption. Thanks for listening. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Doug's interrupting now, cause it's the interruption.

Doug's got a potty mouth, he cuts off all his friends. Here comes the word eruption. Hey, everybody. Benson has a show. The interruption's funny. It's awkward. It's Fockward. Hey, everybody. So far, so good. This is such an awesome theater, and they put on a lot of great shows here, I'm sure, with the incredible and complicated tech. And in my case, I just needed a song, the opening theme to play,

and they can't get that to work. So, but this part's gonna be weird because we're gonna put the theme in later anyway and it will play and then i'm standing here talking about how the theme didn't play so who looks like a dumb stoner now welcome to the Benson interruption coming Yeah! Coming to you. And that guy that yelled out that you bumbershitted your pants. The contest is over.

Somebody already approached me earlier. I tweeted, when I get to bumbershoot, I'm going to have a CD in my pocket that I will give you if you come up to me and say, I just bumbershit my pants. And yeah, pretty clever stuff.

I'm pretty proud of it, but it's fun to make people say, and that guy just yelled it out. Or maybe it's just a coincidence. Did you bumbershit your pants? Is that why you're... Wouldn't you like to know? Okay, first of all, who gave him a microphone?

All of us got microphones. Oh, you're the only dick that's using your microphone in this entire crowd? Yeah, most people here are pretty nice. I'm a douchebag. I played both parts in something. I've never done that before. I'm really growing as an artist. Welcome to the Benson Interruption

Coming to you from the Intimon Theater In Seattle as part of Bumbershoots Art and Music Festival On Monday evening, September 3rd 2012 How many people here have seen The Benson Interruption TV show Or heard the podcast of the Benson

Yay Okay Well for the uninitiated Let me explain what's going to happen or heard the podcast of the Betsy. Yay! Okay. Well, for the uninitiated, let me explain what's going to happen. I've invited some great comedians who were here in Seattle for Bumbershoot and are still here. Some went home on planes.

It was more difficult to book them, the ones that are not here. And I got some great ones. And there's one... No, I'm kidding. No, it's going to be a lot of fun. Some local talent, some area talent,

a bigger area, and then all the way down to California and wherever else these guys are from. And lady! Each comic will come out and they'll stand right here and say, they'll say, you know, some sort of joke, you know, or an attempt at a joke or whatever. It might like, they'll say something like, it's great to be here in Seattle. They have an interesting saying here in Seattle. If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself

in the face. And then I'll be sitting in that chair right over there and I'll say something like, uh, 43 days of no rain, so your joke is some old bullshit, motherfucker.

Get the fuck out of here. It's a new day in the Pacific Northwest and it's called Los Angeles without the assholes. That is such a that is such a super suck-up-y thing for me to say.

You guys loved it, especially people from Puyallup. You guys loved it. Especially people from Puyallup. They really love it. Because it gives them a chance to pretend that they're somewhere awesome but they're actually in Puyallup. I don't think I've ever even been there but I fucking love saying Puyallup. It's so good. The only town that has a funnier

nearby city is when I'm in I think it's so good the only town that has a funnier nearby city is when I'm in I think it's oh shit when I'm in Minneapolis I think the funny nearby city is Coon Rapids that's just that's a slam dunk when you're in Minneapolis

and if you're in Sioux Falls you know what city they shit on in Sioux Falls they shit on Sioux City, you know what city they shit on in Sioux Falls? They shit on Sioux City. Like, oh, yeah, that's probably a huge difference between Sioux Falls and Sioux City. Oh, and let's not forget, the most recent contribution, the most recent addition to the Benson Interruption as a podcast is having a guest interrupter, a co-interrupter who will join me for the entire show. Are you guys ready to start the interruption? All right.

Please welcome my co-interrupter for the evening, my friend Kumail Nanjiani. Look at you with a beer beverage It's Diet Coke Oh And a non-traditional bottle Oh That's the story for the podcast What's the story for the viewers here?

It would be similar Yeah, it's the same thing Mom, if you're listening Stop I think all of the comics tonight Are gonna basically just stand in the middle And be like a stoner to drunk translator. If I'm not mistaken.

Who's the drunk person? If I'm reading the signals, you're drunk. A little bit, maybe. No, just a lot of caffeine. Yeah, you seem pretty amped right now. Yeah. You're sitting in that chair like you're going to... I'm the same way, like we're doing Lily Tomlin's

Baby in a Chair sketch. I know. I feel very unmoored when my feet can't touch the ground. I feel like it's not tethered to reality. Yeah. We're going to be making some interesting observations because we're just floating out here Look at this

It's like we're in a sensory deprivation tank Look at this Yeah, I could fall asleep Look at that That is impressive Oh my god, anything I say doesn't count Islam, what's that? Doesn't count

It's being recorded Fuck Everyone's going to hear this Islam, what's that? It doesn't count. It's being recorded. Fuck. Everyone's going to hear this. No, but I'm totally sober, so it's fine. How often do you drunken podcast? Does it happen very often? It has never happened because alcohol would send me to hell. I went to a strip club for the first time yesterday.

What was it called? It was called Little Darlings. With a sort of statutory name. I believe the name is Little Darlings. Is there a G? I think there's a G. It's Darlings. That's creepier somehow. The G makes it worse. It's very statutory. That's creepier somehow. The G makes it worse. It's very statutory.

Little darlings? It's a bad... There's a lot of bad strip club names, but that one's really awful. That one is... It makes you think that they're going to be very young. They're not super old. Who calls an adult woman a little darling?

I know. Assholes. I don't think anyone says that. I don't want to tell the whole story, but it was my first time in a strip club because I went with Kurt and we got kicked out. But he'll tell the story when he's out here.

Wait, why? Why? Yeah, we're going to get to, we're gonna get to it. That's like a tease. You did a tease for that story. We got kicked out, and it was awesome. I didn't know. Wow, you're really teasing it out quite a bit.

Strip clubs, I thought for the longest time I didn't want to go because it sounds so awkward. It's fucking great. They even take their pants off. And underwear. And their eyes are dead the whole time. I noticed everyone in the room is smiling

except for the naked woman. She's not smiling. You didn't have any smiling strippers? I want them to be smiling I do too I like a cheerful stripper Yeah Pretend like you're having a good time Yeah

That's the best way to hide the pain That's why we're comedians Yeah Because if we were comedians We'd just be on a pole crying. I mean, technically they were very proficient. Let me be clear on that.

They've got some good moves these days. Their bodies were smiling. Eyes and face very sad. I think a lot of them are on marijuana. Is that right? Don't you think, imagine you were a stripper.

If you were high, wouldn't it be easier to do that and not be crying? I can get paranoid if I'm high. And if I'm high and then I have that moment where I'm like, I'm on stage, everyone's looking at me and I'm completely naked. And I hope I paid the babysitter enough. Like, there's so much. Kumail Nanjiani, ladies and gentlemen. Kumail.

Joining me for the entire show. A lot of comics. We've got, you know, short time for each one. So we'll just let them jump right in. Would love to hear more about your experience with Kurt. He's coming out later. So stay tuned for that. And please welcome my friend.

I don't know if these are all your friends, Kumail, but you probably are friendly with them all. Sure. You're not like a mean drunk, are you? No, I'm like the nicest guy in the world. But what about drunk? I've never been drunk, so I don't know. Okay, so nice, but some serious denial.

Yeah, that's a good place to be. That's reasonable. Please welcome our friend Nick Schwartzen! What's up, buddy? Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi.

Come to me in my chair. I've not been drinking. Your feet can't reach around either. Okay, good. Yes. I was going to say don't sit down, but since you're dangling also. Oh, I'm dangling. You wrote some stuff down on a piece of paper.

Yep. Do you want to see the topics? Yeah, let's vote. And this is not a joke. That's the first topic? Yep. You wrote down this is not a joke? No.

Farting. Oh, farting. Gay. Olympics. farting oh farting gay Olympics so very current I mean they could all be current when you think about it farting is old could have just happened

yeah that's your list yeah there's more on the front Yeah That's your list? Yeah, there's more on the front I've been drinking a lot I'm not gonna lie Happy Bumbershoot, everybody Yay Ouch

This is about maybe your fifth or sixth bumper shoot? This is my seventh bumper shoot. Nice! Yeah. Yep. The weather is awesome. This has been great. They're seriously going to break a record.

It's funny, though, when you tell people from Seattle, you're like, the weather is fucking awesome. And then people are like, yeah, wait a week, and then it's nine months of fucking shit. You're like, Jesus Christ. It's such a sensitive topic. They're just bracing for fucking rain, diarrhea. I think for us in LA, it's like we get that

everybody brings up the traffic every god damn time you mentioned being in LA oh the traffic it's so bad the traffic how do we do it how do we do it how do we get through it

what's on the front part? Some jokes. Did anything happen to you here at Bumbershoot that's a humorous thing? My luggage got lost. Hilarious. So funny. Here we go, everybody.

Your immediate instinct is so funny. You're just laughing about... You just are so fired up. The thing that happened to you. So I had to buy all my clothes at Bumbershoot. And so you're wearing all... You brought all your clothes on the plane? The what?

You brought all your clothes on the plane? Yeah. But you got them back, right? I just got it back, yeah. Oh, cool. But I had to buy my clothes for a while at Bumbershoot, so I was wearing, like, 40 Dreamcatchers. Yeah.

It was taped together Soundtracks of the The score for the movie Dreamcatchers Yes That's a fucked up movie dude Don't bring it up Change the subject quick It was good though This, this bumper shoot.

It's been a really good bumper shoot. Yeah, I saw Tony Bennett. Whoa. How was he? Was he awesome, or was he awesome for how old he is? Break it down for us. He was awesome. But it was like...

Yeah. He was awesome. But it was like... Yeah. He was awesome. But it's, like, funny. He wasn't as prepared as we are right now. No, he just was like... It made you feel like a fucking pussy watching him. Because he just, like, knew all of his shit. He'd be like...

And he would sing a little thing. And because he just knew all of his shit. He'd be like Bumble, Zee, Zee, Zee and he would sing a little thing and then he'd tell some story and every story was like fucking sweet. It was like, yeah, Bob Hope sucked our own dicks. And you're like, Jesus. He said what about

Bob Hope? Yeah, what did he say? I'm paraphrasing, but I think that's what he said. That him and Bob Hope suck their own dicks. Also, I like that your impression of him nailing a song was

rest of the song. Yeah, I'm not... Hey, what do you say we get together, Bob? I can't do an impression of Tony Bennett, but... That was pretty good. It was all right, right?

That was like Lisa Bonet. Hey. Yeah. I left my heart. Jesus. That's exactly what he sounded like. The acoustics in the key... Those were his last words, yeah.

That would be what he would sound like. And he would sound like. And he would fucking be... But there are a lot of good shows, man. Fuck. Yeah, you're going to see Skrillex tonight. Yes. I'm excited for Skrillex. Yeah?

Yeah. Do you... Are there names for Skrillex songs? Yeah. I think it's just pimples that he has. Too soon. Too soon. Too ongoing.

Yeah, I don't know, like, the... You know, it's funny, like, somebody like that, like, I don't know a lot of his stuff, but I know enough where I like it. And then people are like, oh. Did you hear the EP he released in 94? No, I didn't.

Like, fuck you, music guy. Who knows everything about everybody. No, I heard a fucking song on the radio. I thought it was fresh. I'm gonna go to his fucking concert. I don't know what he fucking released in third grade. You fucking chimp.

Fuck out my face. That's what's up. You're an angry joke. I know, I'm drinking vodka right now as we speak. By the way, there's a lot of fucking lesbians in Seattle. What? Jesus. How can you tell? And it's awesome, but like, there's lesbians where you're like, fuck, that chick looks like Larry Bird.

And they're like, my name's Karen. And you're like my name's Karen and you're like Jesus Christ that's one of the top three lesbian looks is Larry Bird I saw a chick the other day I swear to God

it was Bill Pullman I swear to God I go that's Bill Pullman you sure it wasn't Paxton? people make that mistake a lot. Yeah, why is Larry Bird hanging out with Bill Pullman? And holding hands. And holding hands.

Why is Larry Bird openly making out with Bill Pullman? That seems like an aggressive career move and legacy. Yeah. me. That seems like an aggressive career move and legacy. While I was sleeping. I woke up and those dudes were

lesbians. While I was sleeping. He was in that. I know, that's why I'm laughing. That's the point of my laughter. But now I'm afraid to say that today is your Independence Day

because we're out of time. I have to leave, yeah. We're out of time. We've got so many comments. I know, God bless you. Thank you for coming on. Thank you. Enjoy Skrillex. Nick Swartzen, everybody. God bless you. Thank you for coming on. Thank you. Enjoy Skrillex. Nick Swartzen, everybody. Bye, everybody. I love you.

How'd you like that, Kumail? I don't think I've ever met him before. This is the first time you guys met? Who's that guy? You had that instant rapport? No, yeah. We had like a fun... He's so funny.

It was awesome. Yeah, he's good stuff. Yeah, he's great. Please welcome our friend who's also here, Jen Kirkman, everybody. Jen Kirkman. Come on out. What's slipping out of your pocket right there, like a phone?

Oh, it's just a very expensive phone. It's more expensive than most people's? No, no, I was just pointing out that we all are pretty lucky to live in a country and to be able to afford such nice phones. Even when we might be down on our luck we all have nice phones. Where are you at on the booze? What? I'm actually

completely sober. She's in hyper empathetic mode. I'm completely sober. I'm just really hung over and I haven't had more than three hours sleep in three days

so I'm a little bit like hallucinating. Oh, you should have a drink. No, I got to get up at four to get on a plane. Just one. It'll make your head feel better. It'll make me want more. Should I sit here? It'll make your head feel better. Yeah, have a drink. No, I got to get up at 4 to get on a plane. Just one. It'll make your head feel better. It'll make me want more.

Should I sit here? It'll make your head feel better. Yeah, have a seat. Am I supposed to sit? By the way, yesterday we all had dinner and we were going and we were walking into the strip club and you... Bailed. No, you didn't quietly bail. You had like a whole...

You were so vociferous about leaving that the guy gave us a discount to come into it. And you still left, but we all got a discount. Here's what happened. We're at dinner, and it's a good group. And we're literally saying, this is a good group. We're going to go find a fire. Let's keep this going. When we go back to the hotel,

other comedians will be there. Let's the six of us find a nice corner don't run into Doug Benson whatever we do no we would have looked but then we were walking and they get distracted we were gonna our plan was to there's a fireplace in our hotel and couches around it our whole plan we're gonna get that sit around the fire and keep this going and then I'm like great gorgeous so we're walking and I'm like keep it going keep it going you're so excited about it we all are and then they see the strip club and they'm like, keep it going, keep it going. You're so excited about it. We all are.

And then they see the strip club and they're like, let's go into there. And they don't serve alcohol. I'm like, why the fuck would I go in there? Because they show their vaginas. Yeah, but I have one. She's right, though, about the no alcohol thing. Yeah, I'd never been to a strip club. And Jason Matsoukas, our friend, was so excited.

He was fun. I just was like, I wasn't against it in like a feminist way. I was just like, why would I go somewhere for 20 minutes and not drink? We're keeping it going. So I just left because I was like, I made a promise to myself. It was really awesome in there. A sacred promise. I feel like you can see up my twat here.

Did you have... That would be the 17th twat I've seen this weekend. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna put everything down and kind of... Twat. Twat. That looks good.

That's good. Put down your pink phone and your coconut water and get comfortable in your fishnets. What a dumb girl. I went to the Nirvana exhibit today. Thanks, guys. It's all our Courtney Love fans in here.

Very delayed. There was very little Courtney Love stuff there. One Polaroid. Yeah. We still haven't gotten the... I wish Father Dowling were still alive. Are people making liberal-essing noises?

Sorry, what? Huh? I'm going. I was just making a dumb reference to a TV detective saying I wish they'd get to the bottom of this Courtney and Kurt thing. I don't think she killed Kurt.

I do think she killed Nicole Brown Simpson. That's called deflecting And what we need is honest answers No I So she's barely in the Nirvana exhibit Yeah But what is in the Nirvana exhibit Like is it a bummer

Or does it make you feel joyous Or combo platter i was i was tingling all over it's it's it's so um um oh no you know this isn't charades yeah say the words you're gonna have to use words you could say the names of the feelings i i don't know it just made me happy and i don't have good vocabulary. It was just... It was like you could see... They actually had cassette tapes of their demos under glass.

But then also it felt like also the cassette tape itself should just be under glass because people don't use that anymore. That's a relic. But it was beautiful. And they had demos of him you could listen to.

This is what listening... They had his sweaters, all the grungy sweaters. Wait, they had all the sweaters? Some of the big ones. The Smells Like Teen Spirit sweater. The main sweaters. The main sweaters. The MTV Music Award.

His guitar that had a sticker that said, Vandalism is as beautiful as punching a cop in the face or something like that. Do you remember that guitar he played in the Reading Festival in 1991? And then there was just so many different things. You know, this audience lives this shit. They don't need... They came here to escape. This is how... I'm sorry.

It's like if you just did... Hello, I'm from out of town. Let me tell you about your museum and why it was built. And just rain bits. You're mean. Bits about rain and the space needle. God, no wonder he killed himself.

You people are nasty. You know that? No, but I'm just saying, the exhibit's only been going on since April, so maybe they haven't been, and I'm so conceited. No, there's lots of people listening. I was just being silly, and you did ask me backstage, like, can I talk about the Nirvana Museum?

And you said yes, and I didn't know I was going to. I said yes, and you fell into my trap. Yeah. But you know what's so funny is I'm so conceited, I forgot that people are here because they live in Seattle. I'm thinking, like, they just followed me up from LA to see all my shows. Yeah, you're like the dead. They follow you around.

I feel like the dead, because I like the dead. They follow you around. I feel like the dead because I am so tired. Now I am so old that my heart races when I'm hungover now. I wake up with my heart racing. If I'm hungover, I'll get about four hours sleep and then I cannot stay asleep because my heart's racing.

Heart is racing. Heart's racing. Heart is racing Heart is racing Say it again What else is new? Say it again I hope one of your fans turns that into a ringtone Heart is racing

Heart is racing Heart is racing Heart is racing I went to the Nirvana exit I felt, felt, heart, heart is racing. Racing, heart, race. I went to the Nirvana and said, I felt, felt, felt, felt. Can I say one thing? Turn on my heart race. The one thing that's weird is when you see people out of context. I saw an older Mexican woman, maybe, well, probably like 40s with a toddler. And they were both like listening and looking at everything.

I'm like, I don't know. It didn't seem like it fit. Like Mexican. Yeah. Weren't you like, there's a Morrissey museum down the street. That is a way funnier than you give a credit. Mexican people like Morrissey. Yeah, yeah.

It is way funnier. But they're literally like speaking Spanish-Mexican but the toddler was like calling his mother over. Wait, wait, wait. What did you say? She wasn't a speaking Spanish-Mexican.

Is that how you described her? I said she was speaking Spanish. Oh, so she was like a Spanish-Mexican. No, it didn't seem like Mexican-American. Just paint the picture for me. It seemed like,

hello, I've just gone off a plane from Mexico. Hola. Hola. I just... Mexico. I just got off the plane from Mexico. Hola. Continue. Then she said... This is my

whatever the Spanish word for son is. I just kept going up to her going Then she said... This is my... Whatever the Spanish word for son is. Then she said... I just kept going up to her going, agua, because that's the one word I know in Spanish. And I was trying to... I'm just kidding. I stood in the corner and cried at one point.

And then I was like, well, I should leave. And then... Is there a designated crying corner? I thought there'd be a lot more like post-grunge, almost 40-year-old girls, but there weren't. It was just Mexican ladies. I think people were just trying to get inside and like cool off

a little. It didn't seem like anyone was there. Maybe, I don't know. It just made me sad all over again. Probably was going to be sad anyway. Did they sell penny royalty? They should have. You know that's like an abortion tea I read.

Did you know that? Wait, what? Start from the beginning. Penny royal tea is... What's that again? I went there? I don't know what that means. You said you weren't going to mention abortion.

I don't know what's going on. Talk about the tea that gives abortions. Why is there a ghost in the corner and no one is acknowledging it? It's wearing an awesome sweater. Oh, no. Kurt is here. He's saying love did it.

Anyway, go ahead. I've read, when that song came out, I remember people talking about that kind of tea, and I guess it's the type of tea they used to say, if you drank enough of it, it could stop your fetus from growing. I swear. Google it or something. But that's what I read. It seems like such an inefficient way to get an abortion.

Well, it is, but it might not be someday if these Republicans get their way. Right? Why do you sound like an old lady when you say that? Because that's my political... If these damn Republicans can pull this off... You sound just like Gallagher. Oh, that's a good one.

You sound just like his voice. Sledge-o-matic. No, I'm just saying that that was my old political comedian. Like, hands off my body, unless you take me to dinner first. You know, that kind of thing. Love it. Thank you. Jen Kirkman, ladies and gentlemen.

Thanks, good night. Get all your stuff together. Go have like one drink. I think it'll be good. Oh, a muscle relaxer. Okay. That's a good idea. She should see about that heart of hers.

The biggest muscle in the body. I haven't had the hangover that makes my heart go spastic. No, she should go to the doctor for sure I feel like we both mocked her and glossed over it We're terrible friends She should go to the doctor We were like, oh your heart rate is too much

Anyway, you sound like an old lady, blah blah blah We got our laughs in We got four laughs in. We got four more people to abuse, so let's keep it rolling. Please welcome our friend Sean Jordan is here, everybody. Sean Jordan, get out here.

I'm cutting your time down to seven minutes. Figured as much. What did I hear that stops your dick from growing? What? Were you guys just talking about something that stops your dick from growing? Is that what I heard? I don't think so. That is the one thing we haven't talked about.

We talked about abortion tea, which is pretty far down the list of things that would have predicted we would talk about. Never mind, then. But strangely enough, more alcohol in the abortion tea than a Long Island iced tea. I just like to throw, when I do know a fact,

I like to throw it in there. Abortion tea, what the fuck? We didn't get to the bottom of it. She was out of time. It's like abortion tea, thank you, good night. That's where the movie begins. Yeah, so that's what we were

talking about. I don't know what this little dick thing you brought up was. But what were you going to say about the things that keep your dick from growing? I just got really nervous about it, so that's what I was going to... I was just wondering what it was, if there was something. Anyway, yeah, let's move this along. This is a stop on the block to Skrillex Town for this boy, so let's fucking... If you smoke cigarettes,

it stunts your penis's growth. That's a fact. Okay. Yeah. I didn't start smoking until I was like 18, so I'm good. It sends it in the other direction, like your penis's Benjamin Button. It inverts it?

Yeah. Your penis starts to get young and useless. And it dies a baby penis. But there's a great part where your penis is on a motorcycle. And it's the best your penis has ever looked. This is the most fun I've ever had doing a show. This is what I want. Your penis had such a great time with that dancer.

And then we got that apartment together with the mattress in it. Yes. Oh, that was a fun weekend. We never left the mattress. Yeah, dude. Wait, who are we talking about? Skrillex. I just started talking.

Was I the penis or the girl? I don't know what happened. I thought we started talking about Skrillex. I just started talking. Was I the penis or the girl? I don't know what happened. I thought we started talking about Skrillex somewhere in there. Skrillex, you're gonna go. I am gonna go. It's one of those shows that I would never actually go see unless it was for the low, low price of On the House, so I think I'm gonna actually go do that.

And I'm indifferent. I wouldn't say anything bad about it. I just don't really give a shit, so yeah, I'm gonna go watch Skrillex and get fucking Buck. I just don't really give a shit. So yeah, I'm going to go watch Skrillex and get fucking buck over there. That's what time it is. Wait, what? That's what time it is. Time to get fucking buck over there.

At Skrillex with a bunch of other buck motherfuckers. That's what's going to happen. You have so many fun ways of talking in one sentence. I'm going to buck over there. That's what time it is. I don't know what... I know the words on their own, but the way you're using them...

You're using them in a weird format. You're talking to a skateboarder who's lived in Sioux Falls and Portland. Sioux Falls and Portland. Those are the two spots... No, I meant where is Sioux Falls? That influence. What?

Just sit in the middle of us while we talk shit about you. Just please. He doesn't even, Kumail doesn't even know you. So he's not going to talk shit about you. We just met, but we have a fun time together. Yeah, dude. Yeah. So far, the rapport is amazing.

It's great. Did you have something you wanted to share with us? Did you have any special Bumbershoot memories? No, I don't know. It was rad last year. I took the bus up here this year.

I took the Bolt bus. And it wasn't that bad. I was kind of worried. But there were these four really, really way too old to still be gangster. White fat guys on there with me. And they were swearing the whole time.

Like just for unnecessary reasons. Like what's up with Ralph, dude? What's up with Ralph? Like dude, you just don't have to be swearing on the bus. Like what's up with Ralph? He expressed concern for Ralph without saying that. Yeah, Ralph has poor choice. F-bomb in front of four children.

Although I've said lots of worse in front of four children Although I've said Lots of words in front of a lot of children this weekend Like Bumbershoot Is a great way like if you crave The opportunity to say dirty Things in front of children Then yeah they're sitting right there When you guys are talking about

Yeah get a show at Bumbershoot going Because everyone's just cool with it Yeah they have strip clubs called Little Darlings. Kids should be allowed to go to the strip clubs here. Don't the dancers have to stay like four feet away from you or something in this place? And you can't

serve alcohol? That sounds like what a kid should be able to go to as far as I'm concerned. Just go hop right in there. That's what a naked woman looks like. Be sober. Don't be an asshole and be drunk when you're staring at her vagina. That's just uncalled for.

And make sure she's at a safe distance so you can't spit on her or anything like that. I did make direct eye contact with many vaginas. It's weird when... It's surprising. It seems like that should be worth more than a dollar, but it just really isn't.

Well, I mean, I paid $10. Well, like on the street, it's like $50. It's probably the least you could get away with, right? Yeah. When you just walk up to a woman on the street and say, I want to see your bush. $50 to see your bush? $50. Who wouldn't do that?

$50. To see your bush? $50. Who wouldn't do that? $50. To see your bush? I saw no bushes at this place, by the way. That's a perfectly acceptable rule. Shorn. You know what I meant. I meant the area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it.

I saw that. The area formerly known as Bush. I never knew it as Bush. I never. What? I never called it Bush, I don't think. Yeah, that's probably an older thing. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Sean Jordan!

Thank you Look out, this is probably another new friend to you, Kamail Have you played Parlor Live out in Bellevue? Played the what now? Parlor Live out in Bellevue? No Oh, this gentleman, he's there all the time I think he's moving on or something soon though But anyway, he'll tell us about it.

Please welcome my friend, Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth! Yeah! Hey, buddy. Did you guys hear about this abortion tea? This abortion tea? Yeah. Somebody was telling us a story of it,

but they stopped halfway. My feet. Doesn't work. Yeah, just use it as a place for your notes or your hats on the mic stand. I like that. Is that better? Yeah, I don't care.

Is that the hat that you had on when we were at the UFC and I kept waving it at the cameras? Yes. If you want to be spotted in a crowd, wave around a white hat. Because people saw us. Helps if you're 6'8", too. Yeah, well, Jesus Christ. It does help if you're Jesus Christ,

too. In a day here at Bumbershoot, how many children try to climb you? The lucky ones. The lucky ones? That's the worst response. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Very creepy. The best branch is halfway up,

kids. Very creepy. That's weird. The best branch is halfway up, kids. I also went to Little Darlings. Oh, Lord. The children. I have a disturbing Bumbershoot story. Well, it's not disturbing to me, but it's...

Yeah, you're okay with children climbing all over you. Yeah, alright, I'm just gonna tell the story. Just tell it. Alright, so yesterday, I was at the other theater, I forget the name of it, where you were doing the Doug Loves movies. Bagley Wright Theater. Thank you.

We should go on the road where I just say state facts Yeah And you go And I agree Preach it You're like Springfield is the capital of Illinois

Truth Just trivia You're not only stating facts Those are state facts So you're stating state facts Just anything But you stated stating state facts. Just anything. But you stated a state fact. Oh, God.

All right. What the fuck was that? All right, let me tell this story. Can I say something? When I caught up, I loved it. All right, thank you. I appreciate that. All right.

So yesterday. Dating state facts Yeah 47 minutes till Skrillex Alright So yesterday after your show I'm with my buddy Tyler And I had to

I had to take a shit Alright so I'm in the bathroom And I'm in there Tyler comes in and I hear What kind of bathroom was it? Yeah paint us a picture It was a urinal I was shitting in a urinal

Oh no What do you mean? You drunken jerk room was it? Yeah, paint us a picture. It was a urinal. I was shitting in a urinal. Oh, no. You drunken jerk. He's so tall. I can use, I'm not a fucking mutant. I can use a regular shitter. Agree to disagree. Fact.

So you're in a stall in the men's room. You're not like in a port-a-john. No, no, no. I'm in the, it's a men's room. There's multiple. In a men's room and you're in a stall in the men's room. You're not like in a port-a-john. No, no, no. I'm in the... It's a men's room. There's multiple... In a men's room and you're at a urinal. I'm shitting.

I'm in the bathroom. I'm in the thing. Okay. I'm pooping. The great thing about shitting in a urinal will be making direct eye contact with everyone that walks in. You know what's going on.

Don't look confused. You think that's the worst part? It would be great if I was shitting as you were peeing right there. And I'm just... Just right here. Just fucking... I don't know where to look. So I hear...

The worst part, the actual worst part, if I may say so, is that your ass gets wet. The eye contact with strangers. If you need to shit in a urinal, you'll look at all comers. Yeah. Literally. Anyone that wanders by, you'll lock right in. Yeah.

Because that's the only way to not be ashamed. Yeah, that's the second weirdest thing you're doing at that moment. And if it's a men's room, it is all comers. Go ahead. I was telling a shit story. What is this? An airport in Minneapolis? Okay, so you're shitting in a real...

So I didn't know at the time. I hear somebody come in and pee next to the urinal, and then I hear them wash their hands, and it's my friend Tyler, and he goes, Hey, Jake, can you hand me some toilet paper? There's no paper towels to dry my hand. So being the friend, and he's a comic, so I was like, sure.

So I wipe my ass, and I was like, There you go, buddy, right there. Fuck you! Why would you do that? I knew you were going to fucking be like, not a bird. What kind of miserable, gigantic asshole.

Team Tyler. All right. Did he see it? Did he see it? Yeah, okay, so I can see him. Oh, okay. I see his hand come about six inches. Then I just hear him go,

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you? So I'm laughing. But then today... With a bunch of your shit in your hand. Yeah, yeah. Because you're a monster. It's not a story I'm proud about.

I'm just fucking... It was funny to me. Goddamn ape is what you are. Hitler never did that. What? Even Hitler never did that. But... You fucking that. But... You fucking beast.

So... You're a disgrace. So here's where it gets crazy. I'm sorry, we're out of time. What? Get to the part where it gets weird. Yeah, give us the crazy shit. I'll give you a quick...

All right, so today I'm with Tyler again and we're out at the... And he's still hanging out with you. Yes, yeah. He's a comic. And I had to use one of the public bathrooms Where there's like multiple stalls There's three of them I go into the third one

He's like I wonder what Big Jay's gonna try to hand me today I hope it's someone's colostomy bag Funny you should say that There's three stalls I go into the third stall I hear somebody come into the middle one, and I'm doing my business. And whoever's in this middle stall... Well, you're a shitting machine.

Yes. I never shit in Pumper's shoes. I shit in public once a month. Twice in two days, you've done this. Yeah. What is... Yeah, go ahead. Go on.

So as I'm doing my business whoever's in this middle stall yeah i like that you still call it business after you spelled everything out but civilizedly yeah so just stating facts uh so this guy in the middle stall yells hey keep that shit to yourself but i'm not doing anything i'm not and i don't know that voice so i'm like did i drop toilet paper or something and i'm looking doing anything i'm not and i don't know that voice so i'm like did i drop toilet paper or something and i'm looking around or i'm like does he mean i fucking stink so bad but but he doesn't say anything else to me i get done i wash my hands i go out and tyler is out there fucking pale going and he's going dude fucking come here come here now so i go i go what

he goes dude after you went in there i waited like a minute and i was gonna fuck with you so he went in but he went into the first stall and he thought i was in the middle stall so so he wiped his ass and laid it on some random dude's shoe who kicked it off and went, hey, keep that shit to yourself. He's like, I think this guy's going to kick my ass. We need to fucking get out of here. Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, buddy.

Thank you, buddy. Holy crap. You know, when it starts off a shit story, you think it's going to remain a shit story. You don't think it's going to win it over you like that one did. Win you over. Or me over. I am, yeah. I cried during it. Could you imagine?

Two minutes in, if we'd have stopped and then had a discussion, you and I would have said, there's no way this is going to end well. No, it ended super well. It really, it absolutely killed. Good luck following it, our friend. Kurt Braunohler's here, everybody.

Get out of here, Kurt. Oh, interesting. Yeah, it's great to do visual bits on a podcast. Yep. What? I'm a professional comedian. I travel with my mic stand. Like a pool player.

Let's do it. He's telling the truth here. I've seen a lot of pool players that travel with mic stands. That's really it. It gives you an interesting stance. Oh, this is the way I normally do it. It's very rock and roll. Yeah, I just wanted to feel comfortable doing this with you guys.

Did anybody see Kurt this weekend perform here? And that's... I had no idea what a physical comedian you were. I keep all the physical stuff for podcasts, guys. Alright, we gotta get to the little darling story. I know I don't have a lot of fucking time. Go ahead,, guys. All right, we got to get to the Little Darlings story.

I know I don't have a lot of fucking time. That's right, yeah. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Get right into it. So we go to the Little Darlings. It's a strip club. I'm very excited. He's very excited.

Our friend Jason is the one who convinced us to go there. He's very excited to be there as well. Jason is so excited to be like, I'm going to bring Kumail to his first strip club. Exactly. So we sit down. Stripping is occurring. Guys.

It's way better than I'd ever pictured it. This is like the third time you said that you're getting creepy. No, it's really, it's my first time going to a strip club. I'm in my 30s. I'm allowed three superlatives. One for each decade. Yeah. Okay. The whole thing, it's weird that you've never been. That's the weird part. It is weird. one for each decade yeah okay the whole thing

it's weird that you've never been that's the weird part it is weird I always thought it'd be way awkward oh it is you know what

I was honestly fine with it there was one part where the woman we didn't know it was bottomless and the woman took her panties off

we were surprised we were all I laughed they were like we were chuckling we were like having a great time and the woman took her panties off? We were surprised. We were all... I laughed. They were... Like, we were chuckling. We were, like, having a great time. There was a smile. There was a...

Because when all of a sudden you see a vagina and you're like, I have a... This isn't a place for vaginas. All of a sudden it's like, this is a giggle moment. Yeah. Nothing is better than surprise vagina.

Yeah. So, we sit down and we're there for a little while and then we start giving... Yay! Sorry.

Yeah. Whoa! Okay. So, she's stripping, whatever. We're giving money. We're throwing money.

We're doing the appropriate thing. We're putting money on the table. Yeah, you're making it rain. We're not touching. No touching. We've been told specific rules.

First of all, there was a woman who straddled me. Right when we walked in, she clamped onto you. And then was kissing my neck and being like, do you want to go to the strip? I was like, no, I don't want to have a lap dance. You were giggling the entire time. I was just giggling like a child. And she was like, why don't you want to have a lap dance?

And I was like, let's be honest. It's awkward, right? And she's like, okay, you're a fucking idiot. And then she explained how strip clubs work. And she's like, you have to put money on the stage. Don't just watch. We're like, great. We'll be good people.

I'd never talked to her, but she seemed awesome. She seemed great. I saw her outside. She was very nice. Okay. That seems weirder than it was. I just saw her outside. That was Lola. Yeah, that was very nice. Okay. That seems weirder than it was. I just saw her outside. That was Lola.

Yeah, that was Lola. So at a certain point, I'm like, you know what? This would be a great time to be stoned. And then all these guys are like, oh, we just got stoned. And I was like, well, then can I get stoned? And so then they give me the pot. I'm like, I'll be right back, guys. I leave.

I get stoned. I'm pretty stoned. I've been gone maybe three minutes. I come back. Everybody's gone. My bag is gone. My sweatshirt's gone. No one's left. And you're high. And I'm really high. And I'm like, did time travel happen?

Did I walk into another strip club that looks exactly like the one I was just at that's right next door? Or it could be some sort of fight club situation where you made up six other people. And I've just been... I need six other people to make it okay for me to go to strip clubs by

myself. You've been going to strip clubs for years with six other people. I am the only one who ever got slap dances, though. Why is it only ten bucks for seven of us? That's funny. Kurt Braunohler, everybody. Thank you.

Nice job, Kurt. Your crazy mic stand bit. There he goes. We got one left here to go. Do you have any plugs you want to say Kumail? Like stuff's coming up for you? Yeah. I host a video game podcast called The Indoor

Kids. Yeah. Thank you. It's on Nerdist, so go listen to that there. I'm going to be on the next season of Portlandia, which is going to be... Nice. Really awesome, really fun, with Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein, who are around here.

Yeah. Truth. Oh, and I'm... Well, I'm doing a Comedy Central special, but that's in Austin In Austin, October 23rd So if you're in the Austin area If you're in the Austin area, come see me

Do an hour of stand-up And it'll be awesome That's great Everyone that's here today and is listening Can buy episodes of The Benson Interruption Just like this one, but they're longer. They're like 90 minutes long. We only get an hour for the shows here.

But you can buy episodes just like this one with comics just like this one for $1.99. I mean, some of these comics have been on before. And it's in the comedy album section of iTunes. Go to Douglovesmovies.com for all my tour dates and stuff. Oh, also, I wanted to mention, Bumbershoot happens every Labor Day weekend at the 74-acre Seattle Center. Yeah, I really pushed Bumbershoot.

I don't think the word's gotten out about it. I miss... I miss... What did they used to call where all the rides were? The Something Forest? Fun Forest. I can't believe I couldn't rides were? The something forest? Fun Forest. I can't believe I couldn't remember that. The something forest?

Phantasmagorical? No, fun. The Fun Forest. That's a pretty good strip club name. Fun Forest Fun! Fun Forest Fun. That's my favorite strip club name. The first Bumbershoot was called Festival 71 because it took place in 1971.

It became Bumbershoot a couple years later when people realized, oh, we're having an annual festival when it's probably going to rain. And so they called it Bumbershoot, and that settled everything. And now we're on the verge of the longest streak of no rain in Seattle in how long? Ever? Like it could break the record.

Wait, what's the record? It's like eight more days. 51. Yeah. So good luck to everybody. Yeah. So good luck to everybody. Yeah. I swear to you, it is going to rain in the next eight days.

Wait, how do you... How do you know this? How do you know this? Did you have access to the Doppler radar? Every fourth year, they get excited. We're going to set a new record, but that doesn't happen. Please welcome our friend James Adomian!

Yeah! James Adomian. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Ba-da-ba-da-da-ba. Wah, wah, wah-da-ba-ow-meow-meow. You really look like you should be, like, in a Fosse number. Uh, yeah, I was...

Where are the giant stairways on either side of the stage that come down to a giant clamshell? That was part of what I asked for. That was in your rider? Yeah. Maybe I'm thinking of a Busby Berkeley. The other one. Real quick, for the people that weren't there earlier,

could you please do Jesse the Body Ventura Maybe I'm thinking of a Busby Berkeley. The other one. Real quick, for the people that weren't there earlier, could you please do Jesse the Body Ventura doing his impression of Skrillex. Wub, wub, wub, wub, wub, wub, yeah. Oh, Lord. You can't sample the truth. It doesn't even make sense.

What do you mean it doesn't make sense? I have access to information you don't know about. That doesn't make sense. I have access to information you don't know about. I bet you Gary Busey could explain it to you. Let me explain something to you right now. Bumbershoots. Ladies and gentlemen, I have information that comes from a place of an informative nature.

And I'm here to inform you all, a crowd of interlocutors from the prisoner, in a stadium seating environment, that what you call the harmless ritual of bumbershoot actually stands for bad underwear, masking, bombshell, immersives. Ruling sometimes has over-owned time itself. So it's Bumbershootie? Time itself. Bumbershootie? Time itself. Bumbershootie. That's an exclamation mark, buddy. The last word is a hyphenated word. I have full license to have hyphens.

That right was given to me in the Magna Carta in 1150 A.D. Where were you pointing to when you mentioned the Magna Carta in 1150 AD. Where were you pointing to when you mentioned the Magna Carta? Just kind of down and to the left? I was thinking the Magna Carta is somewhat behind me and downwards. Because as we move upwards and forwards towards our freedom, we become more like slaves. Well, thanks for that. Great, guys.

So, cool. We just solved those two things. What if I just do more impression? What if I thought I could just get away with doing a talk-less impression? Wait, now you're doing talk-less? What if I thought I could just really do a talk-less impression for no reason at all? Why would I even do it?

He's not even... I'm not even here. What if he was here? What if I was just doing it really do a Todd Glass impression for no reason at all? Why would I even do it? He's not even... I'm not even here. What if... What if he was here? What if I was just doing it and he just fucking came out? What if I... What if I literally... But he's not going to come out.

We know he's... You guys... So you guys fucking get it. You know he's not going to come out. Of course you would have known by now. He would have come out of the show. See, these guys get it. But they don't get it.

But that's part of the bit is that you pretend that you get it. I like that. That is the best impression of Todd Glass I've ever heard. Someday there may be competitors. There might be other Todd Glass. Other Todd Glass impressions? Yeah. But you really do,

you're good at doing impressions of people that no one is doing. Right. Fellow comedians. It's kind of a cannibalism, I guess. Somebody told me you did an impression of me once. They were clearly mistaken. That's the best I could... What? I just came up with that.

Brilliant, right? Huh? Yeah, it sounded like I was talking to myself. He doesn't sound like that yeah he's he's got his own yeah right right i'm a big fan kumail puts his own spin on it but say something kumail like slowly and then he can try to repeat it back i i guess my comedic art is like teaching children how to step into learning no it's like teaching a fucking parrot. Just do it. Why do I feel like a horrible fate

that I may end up in is like on your shoulder in a pirate ship somewhere? You guys don't have to do it if you're not feeling it. Do you do anything? It's the impression not feeling it. Did you do anything? It's an impression of anybody else. Did you do anything? That was my terrible Doug Benson impression.

That's your impression of me? Do you want another terrible impression of a comedian? This is my subpar impression of Patton Oswalt. Burgly, burgle some. Burgly, burgle, burg. Burgly Burglesome Burgly Burgleburg. That's from his newest album. Yeah, yeah.

It's called Burgly Burgling Fucking You Burgling. That's his next one. Here, I'll do my impression of Eric Andre. You want me to see that? Yeah. Okay. Eric Andre. Boop, boop, boop.

Get, get, get. Getting it, getting it, getting it, getting it. Oh. It's pretty accurate. Is that really what he sounds like? Yeah, yeah. Can you do Hannibal? Hannibal?

Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. I flicked that shit. I'll take a pickle juice and I'll flick that. You can't just say the words he said. I know, that's the problem. See, if I don't do it, then I don't have a bit. You have to, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a whole factory where I come up with the different parts of it.

Oh, cool. I get it, no, I get it. Yeah, it's like a prefabricated assembly line. This one's got a voice, but not an angle. Pair them up. What's your favorite thing that's happened this weekend to you, James Adomian? You know what? I was in the process of stealing a pen from someone who works for the festival.

Wait, what? I was in the middle of stealing a pen. You do okay, right? I don't have ballpoint money. It's all felt tip. We're in the dumps here in the inkwell. Oh, me and my refillable

electric pencil. What are those things called? I don't know. I don't know your fucking ballpoint luxuries. Oh, Eddie Peppertone just stopped by, everybody. That's great.

I have a feather pen because I'm free and antiquated. I don't have Bic. What the fuck? There's a little man with a black dot for a face. And that's the mascot. Ah!

And the fucking banks are behind the pens. The banks are there. I have a microphone for my diaphragm. When I do Madonna-style sets, I have my gut mic'd. That's so good, I can literally see stains on your shirt. I may have dropped it. James Adomian, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, shit.

Thank you all. James Adomian, as everyone. Oh, wow. Kissed a gentleman in the front row on the mouth. Hey, I want to plug my album if I can. It's Low Hanging Fruit. Low Hanging Fruit is his album, yeah. Try it out.

Yeah. It's kind of a thing he does. He kisses a man in the front row and then, oh, and by the way, I'm gay. My album's called Low Hanging Fruit. But check it out He's crazy amazing That was unbelievable James Adomian everybody

His impressions are absurdly accurate It's unbelievable What he just did should more than make up For Vic Garcia The much argued about and lamented Vic Garcia. Thank you so much you guys for coming. Let's hear it for everybody. Wait a minute, what the fuck?

You said Vic Garcia and I don't get it? Oh, Vic Garcia's here everybody. I went to the fucking lineup back there. I came all the way from the fucking ha-ha boom. It's a little fucking bucket I do stand up in. I built that fucking place. You never change a bit. That's part of what I love about you Vic.

Now get the fuck out of here. I am. I work security too. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, you get the fuck in here. You get the fuck out of here. You get the fuck in here. Fuck you change a bit. That's part of what I love about you, Vic. Get the fuck out of here. I am. I work security, too. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, you get the fuck in here. You get the fuck out of here. You get the fuck in here. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, Vic Garcia. One more round of applause for everybody. Kumail Nanjiani, Nick Swartzen,

Jen Kirkman, Sean Jordan, Big Irish J. Hollingsworth, Kurt Braunohler, James Adomian Thank you Be Bumber Nice Thank you.