Doug Loves Movies - Tim Meadows, Sean Jordan, and Graham Elwood Guest

Episode Date: November 24, 2013

Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Portland Oregon, Doug welcomes comedians Tim Meadows, Sean Jordan, and Graham Elwood to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screening baby sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody Just had a nice session outside But I didn't dab so I think this will be a fast paced event

my name is Doug and I love movies I like it coming to you once again from Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon on Saturday, November 23rd

to Oceans 13 at 420-ish. 430. We started promptly at 430. So for my future shows, you guys, at 420, that means I'm right outside the building.

People are walking up going, what are you doing out here? I'm like, it's 420, man. Can't smoke in there. Did you guys bring name tags? Oh, my. You certainly did. We've got a trophy. What's that a trophy for?

Fantasy football. That's a big fancy trophy for fantasy football. Why don't you play for money? Instead of, you do? But somebody still had to buy that thing. Oh, you put loose change in there? All right, I'm done with you. I don't know what that has to do with movies.

Look at that one right behind you. It's got my face on it a bunch of times. Doug loves movies, Doug loves minis, Doug loves sleeping. What's the last one? Doug loves whistling. Doug loves whistling. No, I don't. I do not.

Don't start that shit up. Why does somebody have a shirt that says, I heart balls? What's the reference to that? I heart chat baseball. Oh, okay. I still don't get it. Where's that guy at Jordan that wrote Jordan on a baseball?

There he is. I saw him on Twitter today. Well, thank you guys for bringing all the amazing name tags, and I'll get ready to whip those out a little later, and we'll see what happens. I bet you no one picks the trophy. They can actually hear this part, so now probably somebody will.

Have you guys been watching my new video podcast, Getting Doug With High? Thank you. It's YouTube every Wednesday, 4.15 Pacific Time, 7.15 Eastern. And yeah, just smoke whatever you got, sit and watch it. I think we had like 1,850 viewers last Wednesday and it's always a good time.

I had a, speaking of good times, I was on AM Northwest yesterday and they had me sit in on the cooking segment and I threw on an apron and stood next to Helen and the guy was cooking up all this all this like he had like this mustard thing to put on hot dogs and then he had these beans with bacon and I love bacon I love hot dogs but I don't like mustard and I don't like beans so if you look at the tape uh when I try this stuff I half-ass I pretend to eat it and I only eat the part that I like which in the case of the hot dog was just

like taking a big bite out of the bun and uh And I avoided the beans and the mustard for the most part. You never get that kind of insider information about AM Northwest. There's a lot of shady shit going on over at that show. At least they didn't try they didn't try to hypnotize me this time the last time I was on they had a hypnotist and I had to pretend to be hypnotized

and I was not as good at that as I was at pretending to eat a hot dog with mustard on it big announcement you guys but before that I thought of this. When I was watching Hunger Games, they all have such dumb names. There's a new character called Plutarch Heavensby. And he's played by one of my favorite actors,

so it just angers me. But I thought of a better name for Katniss Everdeen. Or this would be like the drunk guy on SNL could say this instead of Katniss Everdeen. Or this would be like the drunk guy on SNL could say this instead of Katniss Everdeen. Katnip Benverine. Alright, here's my big announcement. That was a long way to go for that. Here's my big announcement. I'm recording

my next album, Gateway Doug 2 Forced Fun, on Sunday, Easter Sunday, no less, at 420 next year right here at Helium Comedy Club. Ha ha ha. Woo! So, okay, you guys really encouraged me

with that response. So you gotta come, it's gonna be Easter Sunday, so tell Grandma and the kids to go fucking find an egg. Hide it somewhere really far. And come check out, we'll probably do two shows, like 420 and

730 or something like that. So I can make another album. Yeah! Let's look in the prize bag, you guys. It's a good one. So I could make another album. Yeah! Let's look in the prize bag, you guys. It's a good one. As you can see, there's a flaccid punching bag that says X-Men on it. Which, that's perfect for a

flaccid... Oh, God. I think I did get too high. We've got some Sour Patch Kids. Those are yummy. We've got some Sour Patch Kids. Those are yummy. We've got a book. Ugh, reading.

Ugh. We've got... I've never been so judgmental about the prize bag. Oh, we've got some shirts. Oh, great. Who needs more shirts? Lots of people. We got a beer cozy that says Badass Digest on it,

and it's got the robot from Oops dropped it, and it was never seen again. A iTunes gift card, and a couple other things that we'll talk about with my guests, who I know you guys are going to enjoy. Please give a big warm welcome to Sean Jordan, Graham Elwood, and Tim Meadows! Thank you!

Take control. Thank you. Take control, Portland. Graham, that is his real jacket that he really wears. And when he showed up today, I said, please wear that out on stage so we can make Bane jokes. Because that's from the Bane department of the Burlington Coat Factory right there. Yes, Bane has his own department.

And then you have those glowing green sneakers. Show the sneakers to the crowd. Yeah. Well, I bought this jacket when I was 18 when I lived in Portland and worked at the Washington Park Zoo. And then I figured I better wear optic running shoes since I'm here. With those crazy shoes and that jacket, you look like you were wearing a child's Bane costume

for safety crossing the street. Yeah. This is my Halloween costume, so I didn't get hit. Like his mom wanted him to be the Riddler and then the top of you wanted to be Bane, so you just combined them. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. And then you put your Rambo shirt on

so I could call you Grambo all day. Don't be rude to our first-time guest, you guys. Tim Meadows is here, everybody. Hi, how you guys doing? Thank you. Wow. We had a very exciting face-off yesterday in the little quiz show thing on AM Northwest. Yeah, that was a thrill. Great playing games on morning, local morning talk shows.

Well, you know, that's more fun than if they sit there and really try to interview you. I know, that is true. That's true, because everywhere I go, there's not one Saturday Night Live question I don't think I've ever been asked that was surprising, you know, when I'm in those situations. Right. Everything is always, I think they might pass these same questions around in order to... It's like the Chinese water torture.

It's like, I'm going to kill myself if I hear this fucking question again. What was Chris Farley like? Oh, God, I'm going to blow my brains out. Even though I did love him. And he was a great guy. Yeah, they do things a little looser over there at AM Northwest. It was fun.

I've co-hosted for the entire hour on that show before. Really? Yeah. Did you dress up and wear a suit and tie? No, I wore my normal shit. And I got to hold a cockroach one time. Wow. They're not scary when you're just holding it and it's sitting in the middle of your hand.

The scary thing about cockroaches is when they make those fast moves. When you're holding them, they're downright adorable. Right. And we went out in the parking lot and watched a dog ride around on a scooter. Wow. You got hypnotized the last time I was here with you. Yeah, I got hypnotized. Yeah.

That was so real. Into doing what? Oh, it was ridiculous. It was, you know, you're on fire. So I was like... Which is pretty much my reaction to being on fire, because I'm so high, it would take me a while to notice. In this weather

once I did notice they'd be like oh this is nice. We're in the middle of a cold snap here in Portland. Did you anticipate it being this cold Tim?

No I didn't. I didn't know what to expect. I really I kind of thought maybe rain but then wait a minute. Sounds like you knew

kind of what to expect and then this fucking cold had to ruin everything. It did. It surprised me. It's all 50 degrees, sorry. No, no, but I was going to say I've had a great time here, and I just noticed that there was a mountain today.

That's cool. They got it all here, man. We were in the cabin, and then my girlfriend goes, there's a mountain up there, look. It's like, whoa. It's a fucking mountain. It's snow-capped, too. You guys got it going on, man.

Sean Jordan is here, you guys. And he is... He, of course, is a local comedy phenom and bringer of the Sour Patch Kids for the prize bag. True story, true story. He knows who he's dealing with. And he also brought, made by a friend of his,

he took a piece of corrugated cardboard and turned it into the Douglas Movies logo, and then they framed the whole thing, Movies logo. And then they frame the whole thing and then there's a certificate on the back awarded to you because I don't know

who won yet. I don't know, Normsy. And then it says it's 23rd day of November, 2 Oceans 13, Doug Benson. So you're going to win that today

if you win. And Sean... Yes, Doug? Who is this friend of yours that made this thing? Let's give him proper credit. His name's Sean Smith, and he's an artist that lives in town. And yeah, he was nice enough to

do that for free. That's kind of a fun thing that you do, I noticed, is all of your friends are named Sean. And keeps life so simple for all you guys. I do a lot of shit. Make things out of Yeah. And keeps life so simple for all you guys. I do a lot of shit. Make things out of cardboard. I snowboard a little bit.

I skateboard. There's a famous star named Sean Jordan. So whatever. You love to skateboard all the time. And my question to you about that is. Nine inches. That's how long your skateboard is? That's how long my big old dick is Oh, okay

Is there a good skateboard movie? Is there one that you would recommend? No, Gleaming the Cube Like, kinda did it right But it was so old that it's not It's contemporary, they fuck it up every time So you're thinking maybe a remake of Gleaming the Cube is in order? It doesn't need it, man It's perfect the maybe a remake of Gleaming the Cube is in order? It doesn't need it, man.

It's perfect the way it is. When Gleaming the Cube came out, I didn't think Gleaming the Cube was an expression that people used much. And then I still don't think it is. It was supposed to be called A Brother's Justice. And then they switched it to Gleaming the Cube, which doesn't mean shit. Does anybody in here skateboard think that means anything? Because it doesn't. All right.

I didn't think so. You're goddamn right. No, I don't know. But that's a it doesn't. All right. I didn't think so. You're goddamn right. No, I don't know. That's a decent skateboard movie. All right. If you say so. What is gleaming the cube, though? That was Christian Slater starred in that as a young man who liked to gleam cubes.

So we still really haven't answered the question, though. It was pump up the volume but with skateboards Instead of a radio station It's when you grip it And then you rip it right afterwards You go shred the gnar I believe Is what the kids are saying these days Okay radical

That's when you're gleaming the cube Is when all that is happening Put your Doc Martens on and go fucking flip cops off all day That's what you do when you're gleaming the cube Graham Elwood is in the building you guys Hello Portland and go fucking flip cops off all day. That's what you do when you're gleaming the cube. Graham Elwood is in the building, you guys. Hello, Portland! And same question to you that I just asked Sean.

Gleaming the cube means... But change... Six inches. But change... Sean inches. But change... Sean's measured my dick. In his mouth. But change... That's the weirdest opera I've ever been to.

It's so good. Change... Change... Change skateboarding to surfing, because you're a surfing enthusiast. Is there a surfing movie that you love? Say the right one. I would say, I mean,

there's a lot of really good surfing documentaries. Sure. Like Riding Giants is probably my favorite surfing documentary. That's about big wave surfing. That one's great. What is it? Blue Crush is fucking... Yeah, it's so exactly what it is. It is the stormtroopers of surf movies. I believe you mispronounced that.

You meant to say Point Break, I think is what you meant. Point Break. That goes without saying. That's like the godfather of surf movies. It's got Swayze. It's got Keanu. It's also, but skydiving is a lot of the movie and bank robbing. It's really, I wouldn't call it just a surfing movie.

Right. You got Lori Petty. You've got everything you could ever want. James LeBlanc is in there. That's the trouble is you don't have everything you'd ever want because it's a movie full of dudes and Lori Petty with her little cutesy boy haircut. So the whole time you're like, oh, Hot Nighty would be cool. And then... You've got pre...

What a dick. You've got Gary... So you've got Gary Busey in there. Like, yes, exactly. Yeah, Gary Busey's in it. And he's all like, oh, I'm in the FBI. Yeah.

That's right. Oh, I'm in the FBI. Gary. That's right. Oh, I'm in the FBI. Gary Busey as Sasquatch Detective. Oh, something is... Oh! They would be laughing harder if Sasquatch didn't live nearby. Yeah, they're like... They don't really like to make fun of him because...

That's not cool. He could come in and steal their wheat thins. Yeah. They don't really like to make fun of him because he could come in and steal their wheat thins. They go to his fucking food truck over here on whatever night you do that. Sasquatch. The food cart, Sasquatch. Great. And then it's like a vegetable soup. It's all vegetarian.

Yeah, that's great. See, I know what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's fucking Sean Jordan, bitches. vegetarian. Yeah, that's great. See, I know what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's fucking Sean Jordan, bitches.

Show some respect, Graham. Now, I'm going to ask you, Tim, a question about Mean Girls that I'm sure that you've been asked a million times. Okay. Or do you want to guess?

What's the number one question you get asked about Mean Girls? What was Lindsay Lohan like? That wasn't the one I was going to ask. turned a corner there was probably a point where that suddenly became the question though the first few years after came out she was smooth and steady right yeah she was so people probably were curious about working with her but they weren't like fascinated with her like they are now yeah that's true now people want to hear the horrible,

like they want to find out if she was as crazy then as she is. I shouldn't say crazy because I actually like her. Yeah, but she was... I'm leaving. I'm sorry, everybody.

I shouldn't be here. She was a good girl in Mean Girls. It was a documentary, wasn't it? No, it was not. But what's your question? I'm sure you're going

to surprise me. This is going to be great, everybody. It's not going to surprise your question I'm sure you're going to surprise me This is going to be great everybody It's not going to surprise you I've just always been curious about it I've probably even heard you answer the question In an interview and have since forgotten But what was going on with the Oh

The cast that you had on With the wrist Yeah the wrist cast that you had on I'll tell you what happened I broke my wrist before Two weeks before I was supposed to go to do the movie. I drive a motorcycle, or ride a motorcycle. Spending on your attitude that day. Yeah.

My motorcycle has a steering wheel on it, so you drive. But I got in an accident. And that's the official story that I have to tell. Oh, but the true story is you broke that shit off in Lindsay? Yeah. It was an early party

to introducing the cast, and we all got together. Oh, cast party, I get it. That's what a cast party is? Yeah let's go Break our wrists Boom Can't wait to work with you

I don't understand What you mean at all What do you mean? But so then There's a couple lines In the movie about You having a cast Correct?

Yeah What happened was I called Tina and Lauren Michaels and told them what had happened. I said, if you want to take me out of the movie, you can, and I would understand, but I'm really sorry I was so irresponsible and everything. And Tina said no, because they wrote the part for me,

so she really wanted me to do it. And so she said they would write it into the script. And so, yeah, in that first scene, I said, yeah, I had carpal tunnel syndrome. And ended up having it for like a year. Yeah. So one thing that was great about that was David Letterman. He said my name on his show. And it was a big deal for me.

Because he was interviewing her. And then he said the same thing. He goes, what the fuck? Well, he didn't say what the fuck. But he goes, what was the deal with Tim Meadows' hand in that movie? And I was in bed watching, and I just jumped up. I was like, holy shit, fucking David Letterman said my name. That's like you feel like you dreamt it.

Yeah, it was cool. So does that answer your question? Does that a minute say my name yeah doesn't it bug you guys when you watch that movie like what's up with his wrist totally Jay Moore has like a broken wrist in that Jennifer Aniston movie he did picture perfect and I think it was the same sort of deal I I think he just really broke it. And they're just like, well, let's make the movie anyway. It's not like... He needed that check at the time.

No, but I mean, you know, like, I could see why they wouldn't, like, throw you out of the movie just because you have a wrist on you. Shia LaBeouf did the same thing. He rolled over on his hand for the second Transformer movie, right? And then they, like, had to put a cast on it. Nothing funny about this. It's not all funny. He rolled over on his hand? He got Transformer movie, right? And then they had to put a cast on it. Nothing funny about this. It's not all funny. He rolled over on his hand?

He got like a DUI. No, he got in a wreck and his hand was out the window or something. Oh, okay. I thought you meant he just had a sleeping accident. That chiseled movie star, he was fisting people at the cast party. I'm going to gleam your cube. That's what it means. I've been skateboarding all wrong this whole time. That's how you skateboard. I'm a gleam your cube. That's what it means. I've been skateboarding all wrong this whole time.

Yeah, that's how you skateboard. I'm a fucking idiot. You skateboard up to someone and just fist them. Please, though, Tim, the next time, if anybody ever asks you that question again, how'd you break your wrist? Say you were gleaming the cube. See if they try to act like they know what you're saying.

Like, oh, no shit, huh? I get it. No, that's the thing about most morning tv is that you could see it in their eyes when you're answering a question they're just thinking about the next question or going to commercial or it's it's a very uh you don't really feel like the person's really talking to you and that's yeah that's why it's fun for me to do the show here because i know the guy so i i feel more like i can fuck You know, like when you're on with strangers that are like, you know, look petrified that they have to talk to a comedian,

it feels bad to like, you know, mess with them. Yeah. I had fun. It was really fun to do that thing with you too, you know. Yeah, no, that was neat that we were there at the same time. Did you guys, did some of you figure out he'd be a guest on the show today because of that?

It's kind of a giveaway. Graham also brought for the prize bag a copy of the Comedy Film Nerds Guide to Movies. And that's in its, what's that? This is like the 50th edition. Yeah, we've been, yeah. 50th printing. 60 years. Yeah, I'll be selling those after the show.

And I brought Squarespace shirts as well, and if you buy any of my stuff, I'll give you a free Squarespace shirt. So, boom, deals. I'll gleam your cube. You know, if gray is your thing, this is going to be a great prize bag for you, because the Squarespace shirt is gray,

and then a gentleman gave me a shirt that I can't even tell you. Seventh RT. I don't even know what it means. Retweet? Really? So he put retweet on a shirt? RT? Anyway, so I'm giving away this guy's shirt. Sounds like you stole it off of him.

He was passed out at the bottom of the stairs, and I took a shirt we're gonna sell I was cold I was out by the pool and he gave me a shirt the shirt off his back I always like to ask all the guests if they've been to the movies lately I went to the cinema today and I saw Ender's game and yesterday I saw Hunger Games and in both cases, too much of the other word, not enough game. I went to watch people participate in some sort of sport or activity. These people are too hungry.

They get distracted by food and space. How is there too much Ender? Because the main kid in the movie is called Ender and it really is his journey. It's his saga. He's good though. Good actor. He was that

kid that was in that other movie. Asa Butterfield is his name. I believe he was in Hugo. And the girl from True Grit, Haley Steinfeld, was in it. I liked it a little bit better than Hunger Games,

to be honest with you. But that might just be because Hunger Games didn't have enough bloody murder for my taste. Like Ender's Game, you go to it, and you're not like,

well, there's not going, well, you know, there's not going to be a lot of people murdering each other and blood flying everywhere. You know, this is just a little cute little science fiction movie. But Hunger Games, you know, it's about people that are supposed to fight to the death.

And now two for two, we're two movies in and death is not happening to everyone it should happen to. Not fair. Cold-blooded, buddy. Graham Elwood's not going to see either of those movies. No, I'm happen to. Not fair. Cold-blooded, buddy. Graham Elwood's not going to see either of those movies. No, I'm going to see Hunger Games. Oh, okay. But you're not into seeing

Ender's Game at all? Ender's Game, you know, just the feedback I've heard from the diehards who read the book, they're like, eh, it's just... Well, the book was... You don't want to see it? Yeah, the trailer didn't get me excited. Harrison Ford just, oh, Harrison Ford in a uniform. Like, you know, it's it? Yeah, the trailer didn't get me excited. Harrison Ford just, Harrison Ford in the uniform. Like, you know, it's just every part, he's doing the same thing.

I'm bored with it. Hunger Games I want to see. I'm going to see it tonight after this. Oh, all right. Does anybody want to go with him? Do I go strolling over to the Lloyd Center and gleam the cube? There's one woman back there shaking her head. No, I do not want to do that.

That does not sound fun to me. That's not going to help anybody focus on the movie. I'll tell you that. Well, not the way I do it. Wait, that's weird. But I did see About Time. I saw that today. Oh, okay.

And that's a delight. That's great. Is it really? I loved it. I cried. I saw that today. Oh, okay. And that's a delight. That's great. Is it really? I loved it. I cried. That's fucking awesome. Are you a fan of Love Actually? Yeah.

Because that's how they're selling it. From the man who brought you Love Actually. Like, he's not done a thing for 10 years. They sold the shit out of me with that. That's all they needed to say. People love Love Actually. It's an adorable British fucking

Groundhog Day. Yeah. Which movie are we talking about now? Ender's Game. That's what I thought you meant. But what if you didn't love Love Actually? What if you hated it?

Like if you were going to kill the next person, next time a movie come out, the next movie that was to come out, I'll be all right. Hold on a second. I didn't mean to blow that in your face backstage. No, that's all right.

You finish having that stroke and then we'll keep going. Here's what I was, the idea is this. Finish having that stroke and then we'll keep going. Here's what I was... The idea is this. What if you didn't love Love Actually and in fact you hated it so much that you threatened to kill anyone connected to any movie that guy made in the future?

That was... Thank you very much. So like a Love Actually Hunger Games. That's what you're talking about. Yeah, something like that. Of course, I'd have to send a looper back in time and wipe out your bloodline, and then we wouldn't be able to do this.

Good move. And it's a good thing that Liam Neeson is in Love Actually because he has a certain set of skills. A very specific set of skills. You ever been fisted to death? Because that's what happened. His part in that movie... Really?

His whole part in that movie is just trying to get a 10-year-old boy laid. It's the weirdest... I'm sorry. What movie are we talking about? Love Actually. Oh.

Oh. I hated that movie. I'm telling you right now. I hated Love Actually and I'll kill anybody that makes another movie that has to do with that fucking guy

see I made up for that whole fucking bad thing that I just said yeah it's called The Car Back great save what's with Rachel McAdams though in the whole

time travel movies thing She was fine in both of them Yeah And in Mean Girls If we want to Oh yeah that's right I did work with her I just

A subtle reminder It was a blur Mean Girls Were you in the scene Where they were all In Santa outfits Singing that number Oh yeah

Jesus That must have been A rough couple of days Were you in the scene where they were all in Santa outfits singing that number? Oh, yeah. Jesus. That must have been a rough couple of days. It was beautiful. Oh, man. I was actually on the side of the stage, and so I got, yeah, I watched it like a thousand times, you know. That would never get old for me.

Ever. Best day of show business ever. Hot actresses in short Santa skirts dancing in front of you. Yeah, I was living in life. Yeah, in like, in July. I just stared at their eyes that whole scene, so I don't know what was happening. They all have very, they have very pretty eyes.

I know that. I look at their eyes on the cover of Maxim. I just stared at them going, Jesus is the reason for the season. Because Lacey Chabert is on the new Maxim cover. Oh, is she? Yeah. I gotta whack off to that.

On my to-do list, thanks. Have you been to the movies, Sean? Yeah, I saw About Time, and it was fucking great. I could have been crying that whole movie joyfully if I felt like it. I loved it. So that guy, the lead guy's pretty charming? Extremely charming. I mean, we know Bill Nighy's great, and Rachel McAdams is cute.

She loves being with dudes who travel through time. Yeah, he's punching out of his weight class a little bit in that movie when they first start dating, and by the end of the movie, I don't even notice he's punching out of his weight class a little bit in that movie when they first start dating and by the end of the movie, I don't even notice. He's a good looking guy, I think. There it is.

Very solid review of love, love actually. About time, whatever the fuck I'm talking about. Everybody be quiet. Rachel McAdams wants to put out

like a personal ad saying, if you solve crimes or travel through time, I want to be your girl. Because those are the only movies she's in sherlock well she's swimming in it then rachel mcgann um what did i see today oh andrew's game but the reason i wanted to bring it up again is because i bought a ticket to one of the other

movies and then walked into andrew's game because we're supposed to boycott Ender's Game because the guy that wrote the books hates gay people. Oh, that's why I didn't see it. Yeah. Fuck that guy. Yeah, it's called Doing the Right Thing. Yeah, I'm taking a stand. Yeah. I like Do the Right Thing.

Spike Lee movie, right? Boycotting sales. Full circle, that's what that's called. Brought that shit around Have you been to the Movies lately At Leon Phelps On Twitter

Yes I But I'm Because I'm so special I watch movies They send them to me On DVD So

But I watch the Dallas Buyers Club Oh good film You seen that Yeah Yeah It was really good McConaughey is killing it lately.

Man. Yeah, it's really good. I felt dirty watching it, though. Because? It's just a sad movie. It's like sad. You know it's not going to end well. He's got AIDS, right?

Yeah. Nothing ends well when you've got AIDS. Yeah. When you know that from the beginning of the movie. Spoiler alert! But the acting is unbelievable. He's really good in it. Yeah, Jared Leto's great in it.

Yeah, yeah. He's beautiful, too. Jennifer Garner, everyone in it is just amazing. It's a great film. I want to know why his career is getting like that and Johnny Depp is like going in the reverse. Like, what the fuck? He started out great and now he's like, the Lone Ranger was good. The critics were mean.

Like, no. Did he say it with a weird British accent for some reason? Hello. And then you're not funny. I was going to try to not bring up Johnny Depp because I know how you get about him. And then you just brought it up out of nowhere so that you can get that way about him. Why don't you calm down on Johnny Depp a little bit?

No, I'm not fucking calming down on Johnny Depp. Matthew McConaughey right there. Start no more failure to launch. He's just fucking knocking it out of the park with goddamn mud and Lincoln lawyer and all this business. And now, and Johnny launch he's just fucking knocking it out of the park with goddamn mud and lincoln lawyer and all this business and now and johnny depp's just like you did gilbert grape like what the fuck happened to you you i'm talking to you asshole johnny depp's probably having the same conversation with like uh some other famous guy about granbo and why he's so

bummed that granbo keeps talking shit about yeah probably the time. Yeah, probably. I know he's mad. He's like, goddammit, he turned on me on Comedy Film Nerds. That was my favorite podcast. I was going to come to the festival next year, but now I'm not. That's Johnny Depp again. Yeah, that's... Man of many faces, Depp is. He's always doing voices.

That's his problem. He goes and auditions for these classic indie movies. He's like, man, Dallas Buyers Club, I'm sick. And they're like, get the fuck out of here. Go do a racist Indian part. So the holidays are coming up.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. For, you know, Thanksgiving and Christmas. For, you know, Thanksgiving and... Of course. Don't you call it Thanksgiving? And Christmas. Hanukkah. Do you guys have Hanukkah of curse?

All right. Do you guys have holiday movies that you enjoy or would like to recommend? Die Hard, Playboy. That's the best one. Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie. It's absurd. To be sure. Happy ending, everything.

Yeah, it's good. Cocaine, guys with beards. New Jack City, really? I want you to go over the plot of New Jack City with me real quick. Because I know what New Jack City is about. I can't hear you. Does it take place around Christmas, New Jack City?

New Jack turkeys? Wesley Snipes is a turkey. Wow. I don't think Wesley would like to hear that at all. All right, so do you think that you're going to keep yelling out stuff like that, or was that special? What a special little weird yell. We've had a string of shows now

where people in the audience have been yelling out answers in the game, so that's what I... I know, right? Wait, wait, I might need the help. Whisper the answer. Don't yell it. Pass it on a note if you have to do it. I'll take the answer.

Say nothing. But that brings me to the answer. Don't yell it. Pass it on a note if you have to do it. I'll take the answer. Say nothing. But that brings me to the question. Does anyone hunger for games? Oh. Ask for the devil and he shall appear. Tim, did we tell you about the name tags?

No, you didn't. Folks, did we tell you about the name tags? No, you didn't. Folks, show Tim your name tags. Wow. People brought all this crazy stuff. In hopes of getting picked for today's game section of the show, whatever name tag you select from the audience, you'll be

playing for them and they could win all the stuff in the prize bag, including Tim included an envelope with a $20 bill in it. Thanks. Do you have anything specific you'd like them to do with that $20? I would like for them to forget

when I went off book and just went nuts there a few minutes ago. What are you talking about? Went off book like we have a script. So, yeah, so just go into the audience and pick, take the name tag you like from the person. Okay. And bring it back to your seat. And while you guys do that, we'll do this.

We'll be right back. This episode of Douglas Movies is brought to you in part by squarespace the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create a professional website blog portfolio or online store for a free trial and 10 off your first purchase on new accounts go to squarespace.com and use the offer code d l m 11 squarespace is constantly updating their platform with new features new designs and more support they have beautiful designs for you to start with and tons of style options for you to adjust so you can really create your own space online. Squarespace takes care of hosting, SEO, and even makes sure your site automatically looks great on any device. You can even import content from your existing website or

blog. It's incredibly easy to use, but if you need some help, Squarespace has an amazing support team that works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It starts at just $8 a month and includes a domain name if you sign up for a year. Every design automatically includes a unique mobile experience that matches the overall style of your website, so your content will look great on every device, every time. If you need a new website, here's what you do. Go to squarespace.com and sign up for a free account.

No credit card needed. Just try it out for free and start building your website. Then if you decide to purchase, use the offer code DLM11 and get 10% off your first purchase on new accounts, including monthly and annual plans. And don't forget about free domain registrations for annual plan customer subscriptions. Head over to squarespace.com and use the offer code DLM11. That's DLM and the number 11. Create your own space at squarespace.com, man. All right.

We're back. Everybody's got some name tags. Let me make a vine of the name tags. Who are you playing for there, Tim? Everybody's got some name tags. Let me make a vine of the name tags. Who are you playing for there, Tim? I don't even know who it is. Was I supposed to meet him? No, it says Mark Attacks. You're playing for Mark.

Oh, so I'm playing for Mark Attacks. Is he there? Yeah, there he is. Hi. What's your name? Mark. Nope, I don't like it. Sorry. It's too cute. Should. What's your name? Mark. What? Nope, I don't like it. Sorry.

It's too cute. You should have been such an asshole, Mark. Fucking dick. What's your last... Is your last name Attacks? And... No, he attacks. That's what he does.

That's what he does. When you ask him his name, he's going to attack you. And he made little spaceships out of ding-dong wrappers. And it's an elaborate sign and is that your face instead of the lady's face Mark? Or is that your face instead of the alien's face? And then my head is on the dog.

Which actor did they put on the dog in the movie? Was it Martin Short or Michael J. Fox? Pierce Brosnan? Shit. Martin Short or Michael J. Fox? Pierce Brosnan? Shit. That movie trips me out. Alright, Sean, who are you playing for? Playing for Stanley Kubrick? No.

Yeah, he's here. He's alive. It's a dude named Full Metal Jacob. Yeah. Jacob. Full Metal Jacob, yeah. Alright, and Graham, what do you got? A gentleman by the name of McCool, and his McCool is ice, the vanilla ice vehicle from the 90s,

which we all remember. The only vanilla ice vehicle there ever was, right? The tagline, when a girl has a heart of stone, there's only one way to melt it. Just add ice. No, that's not how physics works. That's 100% incorrect.

You're going to need warmth. You can't melt ice with ice? No, ice actually, no, it doesn't work that way. So who are you playing for? His name is McCool. So I'm playing for a whole Irish tavern. That's what I'm playing for a whole Irish tavern. That's what I'm playing for. We're going to do green beer later

and play those weird trivia games that people fight over. I'd like to start off with something we call the Seth Rogen game. And this is a game that we also call Last Man Stanton because we're going to take turns answering the question. I'm going to play as two brains. I'm going to play because I like to play this game. And you'll see how it works in a second, Tim. Yeah, thanks.

Sorry, Mark attacks. We'll start with Graham. And having driven five hours to be here, a friend of the show, Normsy, is in the front row, as you can always expect from him when I play the Pacific Northwest. And we're going to kill him.

Yes, because we heard that he likes Love Actually. I'm with you, man. It's an amazing movie. There's just no getting over it. So, Normsy, could you name an actor, actress, or director with a large body of work that we all enjoy? Bill Murray. Bill Murray.

We've done Bill Murray before. Yeah, we did Bill Murray before. Yeah, we did Bill Murray before. We could do it again. I'd have to recuse myself. Oh, Dan Aykroyd. Interesting. All right, Dan Aykroyd.

So we're going to take turns naming movies that Dan Aykroyd has been in until we can't think of any anymore. And there's one man standing or sitting here thinking of one more. Graham, go. Ghostbusters.

That's really... Oh, really? You cock? Where do you think I'm going to start? Guys disappointed in the clever way you're playing. That was a stupid idea. Why not get rid of the obvious one? Sean.

The Great Outdoors. Okay. That has some of the worst... You're trying to kick our speedboat with your Uncle Roman. There's a scene in the great outdoors There was a scene in the great outdoors Where the bear is bouncing up and down On the door and John Candy's underneath it

And you could see the fucking trainer Hitting the bear with a stick You could fucking see the stick Slapping the bear So bizarre Alright Tim, any Dan Aykroyd movie? Driving Miss Daisy. Deep cut, right out of the gate.

That's what I was going to pick. You totally snaked my choice. So I'm going to have to go with Dragnet. All right. Yeah, Graham? I'm out of movies. Ghostbusters 2. Ghostbusters 2.

Everybody, Graham's standing up like anyone gives a fuck. Oh, is that what the standing applause was for, bitch? Trim your beard, Sean. Why did he say that to me? That was mean. I don't like it. I'm nothing but nice to you, Grahambo. And you're mean to me about my beard.

Sean? Coneheads. Oh. How dare you name the movie that the gentleman to your right was in. It's called Mental Warfare, dude. I'm getting in his head. That's how I... This is a game right here.

Ready for me? Yeah. Dr. Detroit. Oh. Calling the doctor. Well, now someone's just showing off. Yeah. I'll go with Gross Point Blank.

Oh. Love that movie. Love him in it. I will go Spies Like Us. That's a good one. Sean? Sneakers. Okay.

Oh, good film. Good movie. Really good movie. Blues Brothers. Yeah. That one was staring us right in the face. Here's one that'll throw you for a loopy loop. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

He's got one quick scene. That's right. I'm R. Webber. And then it's something about having to fly in a plane full of live poultry. Okie dokie, Dr. Jones. Hang on to your potatoes. Oh, short round. How come there wasn't a short round vehicle?

I thought that was Harrison Ford that you were doing an impression of right there. Yeah, he played short round. Ender, get in here. Get off my plane. No plane in here, Ender. Graham. Blues Brothers 2000.

You are the sequel naming motherfucker. I can't think of any. What? Sean. Come on. You can do it. Aren't they making a Ghostbusters 3? Isn't that in pre-production or something?

They've been trying to get it going But it's not happening I don't know if pre-production counts It's not happening Doesn't he have a Dio memo for the Great Gatsby prequel? God damn it Alright, you're out Tim

Neighbors Nice I'm gonna go with Twilight Zone the movie Goddammit. All right, you're out. Tim. Neighbors. Yeah. Nice. I'm going to go with Twilight Zone, the movie. Oh. Yeah, his scene with Albert Brooks at the beginning is great. You want to see something really scary? Yeah.

That's good stuff. Graham. Caddyshack 2. Oh, goddammit. I'm going to murder you. Tim. Two. Oh, God damn it. I'm going to murder you. Tim? Joining Places. Yeah. Oh, nice.

I'm going to go with 1941. Graham? Oh, wait a minute now. Maybe I've exercised everything. Nobody... Just think about how nobody likes you when you're thinking of this. Said the guy who's already lost.

Shut up. Let's see. Three seconds. Two seconds. Gentlemen in the audience, this is like an auction. Anybody did one second? He plays that creepy fucking lawyer

and there's cannibalism in it. They ride that roller coaster into the... You're out. Oblivion! It's called Nothing But Trouble. You're out. Oblivion! You're out. It's called Nothing But Trouble. You're out.

That's right. God damn it! That's a really good movie, too. Yeah, Tim, what do you got? Tommy Boy. Oh, yeah. Damn it. Loose Cannons.

Loose Cannons? Yeah, with Gene Hackman. Oh, okay. You got anything else? Yes, thank you. I was going to admonish him for yelling out an answer, but Meadows is not an answer. He's just cheering people on.

How does that pop into your head? Like, you know what I'm going to fucking say? Dude just loves open spaces. I'm going to say his last name real quick. That'll get him going. I'm sure people in the audience are like dying to yell out all the ones they've thought of. There's so many. I know.

I got them in my head. I can't think of titles, though. I'm thinking of the... Yeah, I can't think of... I don't want to give you any hints. I can't think of titles, though. I'm thinking of the... Yeah, I can't think of... I don't want to give you any hints. I can't think of another one either. We tied yesterday on A.M. Northwest. I think we're going to tie again today.

It's the... I can't think of another one. I could see him wearing a hat. Boy, he gets a long fucking clock. No, it's Adam. The fuck? Because I can't think of any either, so I think we're going to tie.

Can we give hints and say, like, I know a movie, but I can't think of any either so I think we're going to tie. Can we give hints and say I know a movie but I can't think of the title of it? Well, I guess so. I'm thinking of the Adam Sandler movie where they're pretending to be gay. Oh, I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry? Yeah, yeah.

Thanks. Alright. That was like nothing but trouble. That's what that sounded like. Oh yeah like, you didn't want the answer. That's what that sounded like. Oh, yeah, thank you. Thank you very much. Well, I don't know. Since you're in a Dan Aykroyd movie,

I think you deserve to win. What movies do you guys think of? My Girl! My Girl! My Stepmother's an Alien. Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor? Pearl Harbor.

What is he doing that? He's a general or something? My girl and My Girl 2. Those are good. Graham, you missed My Girl 2, you son of a bitch. Fuck. Damn it. What was all that love actually talk?

You don't really like movies like that. I know. We did pretty good though, I think. That was exciting, wasn't it guys? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was exciting, wasn't it, guys? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was exciting.

There's a guy's stage left eating cheesecake wearing a red Star Trek shirt, so we should probably just kill him first, huh? Well, that was dark. Is the cheesecake good? Uh-huh. That's cheesecake for yes. It's very good. I had the mac and cheese that they have here. That was delicious.

I bet you they sold a lot of those today. Sounds like a good movie. What? It's funny to me. You can't just sit there and shake it off. It's a podcast. You have to say something. Let's just forget where I was going.

All right. Let's play How Much Did This Shit Make? Tim, this is a game where, much like when you're bidding an item on Price is Right, you want to get the closest number without going over. And you get to bid last because that's the power position in this particular game. And I'll make Graham go first. And you guys have to guess the total gross of a motion picture that...

Let me double check and see what it is, even. Just... Oh, okay. This is supposedly filmed in part in Portland. Yeah, but I'm having trouble picturing it. A motion picture called Batman Forever. Yeah, right? It was filmed here? That's what it says in the internet.

And I like to call that Batman the Pete Holmes Batman. Because that was the one where Val Kilmer played Batman for just the one time. How much did that shit make, Graham? That came out in, what year did it come out? You don't know? That's not part of the game. Okay.

That was a question. Don't ask me if Uma Thurman was in it, because I don't know. That was the one Val Kilmer one. Don't ask me if... What's his... Kiss from a Rose was a popular song at that time. That was Two-Face, right? Tommy Lee Jones?

Tommy Lee Jones. I will say $175 million. Okay. Jesus. will say um 175 million dollars okay Jesus somebody in the kitchen was talking about something completely

different but there was just this whoa but it was something that was happening in the kitchen so I don't I don't

think they were reacting we're out of mac and cheese Sean what do you think I don't think they were reacting. We're out of mac and cheese. Sean, what do you think? I don't know. 164 million.

Fuck you anyone that has anything to say about it. Doug, did you explain that it's the most without going over, right? Yeah, yeah.

I think I did. You're in charge of remembering. That's why I always drive. This is the part where if you think those guys are... I think they're over. You think so? You could just say a dollar.

Somebody over there, five dollars. Just in case. Make it a little bit of a challenge. You never know. Make it more of a challenge. Yeah, you never know. Make that more of a surprise when we find out if it made more than five dollars. I'm going to guess, but I'm going to guess more in the round. I'm going to say $64 million. That's just a show-offy wager.

Because a dollar would mean the same thing so we have Graham says 175 Sean says 164 and Tim says mere 64 he shaved a hundred million dollars out of the coffers of whatever studio made that garbage. And Batman Forever at the domestic box office, according to boxofficemojo.com, made $184 million. Baboo! Oh! Oh! Your precious Aubrey Gratefully accepted

Okay Graham Because you won that game You win 30 seconds of whistling But you boo him when he reaches 30 seconds You shut him down. I'll do a fucking minute. Fifteen more seconds, you dumb motherfuckers! Your booing did nothing! And check out my band, the Whistling Banes.

We got a gig at the Kremlin, the Green Zone in Baghdad, and then there's a little tavern down the street here. Tim and Sean, you both know how great the crowds here are and how it's hard to even imagine a Portland crowd booing a comedian for any reason. That's how aggravating that is. A lot of people liked it. A lot of these people, Graham, they're listening while they commute somewhere,

they've got it in their ears, it's in their heads, and you come in with that fucking whistling. Maybe they should turn the volume down. I don't know. You should start in Joyful Noise instead of Dolly Parton. And mean Laquifa. All right.

What's happening, you guys? I think... What? That's worse than whistling. Boo! At least the whistling has some sort of fun attached to it.

Our table's fucked. Yeah. I just want to tell the listeners real quick that Graham Elwood will not be whistling Wednesday night at the American Comedy Club

in San Diego. I won't listen to you. I mean, I can't promise anything. If any of you guys somehow go to San Diego. I mean, I can't promise anything. If any of you guys somehow go to San Diego Wednesday, I'll whistle for you. Yeah! This guy whistled.

You didn't boo him, did you? Boo. Graham, that was really cool how you whistled earlier. He did a quick one. His was a quick whistle Graham Like he was looking at an attractive lady Don't get mad at me because you said Graham

You can whistle for 30 seconds It's like I'm gonna let my dog run around And why is my dog running around It just doesn't make sense You just gotta whistle at him He'll come right over He runs up you give him a treat Everybody's good

Keyword let you give him a treat, everybody's good. Yeah. Key word, let you. It was a gift. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. You're all about to suck holes. We will start with Graham Because when it gets loud I say stuff in the microphone

That only people at home can hear What was that one? Boy, I wonder what you said I don't know You'll have to listen and find out Available on iTunes Tell all the listeners That I smell amazing today?

Yes. Sean Jordan smells amazing. Yeah, I do. You're right. True story. I'm going to titty fuck him. Go for it. I don't know what you're saying.

Go for it. So we'll start with Graham And then we'll go to Tim since he won that other game And we'll go to you third Sean Because you've really stunk up the place today Graham just said I smell amazing So I don't think that's true

That's just because you have some of my weed in your pocket I get that all the time Like if I happen to have some on me People are like you smell amazing. That's really creepy. You smell so good. I want to put you in my nose. I want to sleep in your hoodie.

You hang out with a bunch of talking drug dogs? Is that how that works? Talking what? Drug dogs. Oh. It was a joke. I was being funny. I was trying to be funny. Sorry. I saw the dumbest drug dog

the other day. Just ran right by me. So. Are we reading tweets now? Is that what we're doing? Yeah, I pulled out an oldie. Graham gets to pick a category. Graham, would you like

Celebrating Your Birthday Today, our good friend Chris Hardwick? So the films of Chris Hardwick. So that narrows it down considerably. Here's one where there's a few more opportunities for movies to fit the category. Anti-gravity. Anti-gravity.

And that's movies with George Clooney or Sandra Bullock that Leonard gave two stars or less. Because he is anti-gravity. I'm guessing that leans a little more bullocky than... It's more bullocky than... It's more bullocky than cloonish? A little more bullocky than cloonish, for sure. And Radio Flyer,

in that category, is movies where Cuba Gooding flies. Whoever came up with that one, you're a genius I'll go anti-gravity I'll go that category Okay, that's good, we'll finally get this one off the boards Get it off the boards I hear something

Oh good, I'm glad it wasn't just me Some guy in the front row goes Shitty music Drank his micro-brew, Portland. There was a Muzak breakout, but it stopped. One and a half stars from Leonard for this movie from 1988. 1988. He says this movie is a sequel.

He says it was followed by another sequel. And he also says the movie is a sequel. He says it was followed by another sequel. And he also says the movie is too long, but has its moments. One and a half stars. And Leonard lists six names. How many names do you think it would take you to discern the title of this movie? Reading from the bottom of the list up, Graham Elwood. I don't know, man. I'll go five.

I don't know why that's funny, but laughter is nice. Laughter is nice, Doug. doug so tim you can uh you could say gram l would name that movie if he fails to name it you'd get a point if he names it he'll get the point but you don't lose anything for doing that or you could bid lower say that you could name it in four or three or two or one but it it goes from the bottom up. Remember that? Yeah. We read from the bottom up.

Yeah. So the lead actor just got erased when I said five. That's basically what happened. Oh, okay. Cause it was six. Okay. Um,

yes, you can go for, you could ask him to name it. And then can I ask a question about the movie or what you're, you can, I don't think I'll answer it. No. Can you tell me the title?

No. I gave you all the, um, I gave you all the shitty clues, but it was 88 you tell me the title? No. I gave you all the shitty clues. But it was 88? Was that the year? Mm-hmm. Okay, that's what I wanted to know. Okay. I'm going to say name that movie.

Okay. All right. That's good. It's a smart play. I think you may pull this off. Yeah, I don't know. I'm staring at you, dude. Oh, my God.

So we're 250 people. Graham, your five names are, out of six, John Astin, Charlie Jones, Steve Lundquist, the great Steve Lundquist, Quisto, Karen Mistel, M-I-S-T-A-L. Mistel. And your fifth out of six names is George Clooney. Fuck is this? Read the clues again.

The clues are you're never going to get it. No, you're never going to get it. Never going to get it. Never going to get it. Never going to get it. One and a half stars. 1988.

It's a sequel. It's followed by another sequel and it's too long but has its moments. And it's called It's called Graham Elwood in Deep Contemplation. He's on his feet to think about this, you guys. Come on, Graham.

It's like Kermit the Frog. It's not easy being green, Graham. Okay, don't stall with your Kermit impression. A rainbow connection. Lovers and dreamers, this movie. Hey, did you know frogs can't whistle? Do you whistle? Do you have like a whistle thing that you do every now and then?

That sounds interesting. You're awesome. I'd love to fuck with some of that. Shit, 1988, it was a sequel. Yeah, what do you think it's called? That would be... It's got Kulik or Boonie in it. Well, we know it's got Clooney, since you said the name.

I doubt she was overbilled him in 1988. I will overbill you. I will overbill you. I will overbill you and bump into a wall and snort. You guys are a great crowd. Has anybody said that to you tonight? I mean, you guys,

really good looking Portland group. Thanks for the beards. I rubbed it all over every microphone before we came out here. Sweet. Ah, fuck. It would be...

Graham loves thinking. It would be... Do you have any idea? Yeah, I don't know. It's... Does it have the word tomato in the title? You know, fuck it. 88, god damn it.

We'll just go... Just take a guess. Star Trek 3. So you really disregarded that tomato clue. Because his first, I believe it was his first big motion picture role was in a motion picture called Return of the Killer Tomatoes.

Oh my God. Yeah, that's some George Clooney deep pull trivia. You have to go back that far to get a, you know, a shitty review out of Leonard. I know. Leonard is all up his dick.

So who's the lead? All up it? Who's the lead in that? Who's the top name in it? Oh, the lead in that is the great Anthony Stark. Oh, okay. Tony Stark. And then he created Iron Man. Yeah, he was in movies

for a while, then he went into developing weapons. Okay, right. That makes sense. Yeah, his dad funded that picture. That's how that happened. That puts Tim Meadows on the board, ladies and gentlemen. And that means that Sean gets to pick the next category. And then, since we switched the order, we will go to Tim. Then, since we switched the order, we will go to Tim.

Sean, would you like, suggested by at Scott Darcher on Twitter, read it and weep. And that's foreign movies that are tearjerkers. Foreign tearjerkers, read it and weep. That's great. That's awesome. I really don't get it. At?

I honestly don't get it. I? I honestly don't get it. I'm not being a dick. Subtitles. Foreign movie. Okay, see, there we go. Now I get it. All right. Now we can continue.

ComedyFilmNerds.com, Sean. I'm not as razor sharp as I've been leading you guys to believe. At the Vent Nation suggested 12 Years No Shave. And 12 Years No Shave is movies that have Santa or Jesus in them. And at N. James Anderson suggested Save Ferris, and that's motion pictures where a Ferris wheel is destroyed.

Mr. Wow. Mr. Anderson. Yeah, so which one of those would you like, Sean? Ah, that second one. I forgot what it was, but I liked it. Jesus or Santa? Yeah, yeah, the beard one. 12 years, no shave. There we go. Alright, would you like a Jesus

or Santa movie from way before you were born or shortly before you were born? I just wanted to use that as a podium to let you guys know that neither one of them are real, okay? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But one of them lives in our hearts. I love Christmas.

I do. It's nice. Hey, I'll see you guys here on Easter for the recording of my next album. I'll do one. Doug Benson has risen. I was like, oh, 420 falls on Easter next year? I got to go to the most heathenistic place there is. But Vegas was booked.

No, you guys are cooler than Vegas. Don't tell Vegas. Fuck Vegas, dude. Where I'll be on January 17th. Settle down. I was in prison with Vegas and I can't stand them, dude. I don't need that kind of nonsense in my life. I'm trying to be clean. 1964 or 1973?

1964 or 1973? Yes. Thanks a lot. Before you were born? 1973. Or way before you were born? 1973. Okay.

Three stars from Mr. Leonard Maltin for this movie from 1973 that he says stars from Mr. Leonard Maltin for this movie from 1973 that he says it has some interesting settings and visual trappings. It's not everyone's cup of experience.

Such a witty guy, that Leonard. But it's certainly innovative. And watch for a porno star in the film. A porno star. I try to stay away from porn that was made before I was born. Just that Leonard had to type that makes me a little sad. And Leonard lists six names. Well, I don't know, do I? We're going to say six names.

Well, I don't know, do I? We're going to say six names. Okay, poker mouth. What if I was playing the game? You call me on that every time. What if I did know? Huh? And I was just playing the game,

like trying to hustle a little bit. I would appreciate that, but there's no way that you know. So, Tim, he says six names. That's all the names. So, you could probably bid

five names pretty safely, I would think, but it's your decision. 1973. It's got either Santa Claus or Jesus in it. If she was 20 then, it has a now 50-year-old porn star in it. And a porn star.

60. That would be 60. I got there. Interesting. Sean is from a time when if the words are porno star, it's definitely a woman. Back in 1973, that wasn't necessarily the case. So my job is to see if I can guess it in five. Your job, if you choose to accept it, Leon Phelps.

So like, yeah, Tim, if you say five, then I either have to go lower than that or tell you to name it it can keep going around until we get down to one or zero or negative or whatever 73 it sounds like it's got to be a really obscure horrible movie you just have to decide if you want him to hear the entire cast before he

determines the name of the movie or not. I think you do. Or whether you want to get here five names. So I guess five. How do I? Just say five names. You're doing great. I'm just going to go zero.

Okay. I'm just going to go zero. See, that's the kind of business I was expecting from Captain Walkaround over there. I got to stay mobile. Basketball. You got to stay basketball shoes. So he can do it in zero. He can name it in no He'll not hear any names

Sean's options This is where it gets really exciting Yeah this will be real exciting Sean's options Are to say name it And hope that Graham Gets the wrong movie wrong But at least we'll all

Still be playing If Graham does Because he'll only have one point We're playing to two points But also Graham where did you go? Sean could say Negative one Or more names Sean could say negative one

or more names if he says negative one name he has to name the movie and the top billed person in it negative two etc I don't think he's gonna do that I think he's just

hoping right now we'll just have to wait and see won't we I think you're just hoping that Graham's gonna get this wrong cause he could have the wrong idea well Grahambo I'm gonna go ahead and say

to name it I'm gonna go for ahead and say to name it. I'm going to go for the most obvious choice, and regardless, we'll keep playing, and I will say Jesus Christ Superstar. That's correct. That's correct. People don't say boom after Jesus Christ enough. They really go together nicely.

December 25th is birthday. Boom! You should update Jesus Christ Superstar and change it to Jesus Christ Boom. Kind of a combination of Jesus Christ Superstar and Stomp. I'd see the shit out of that. Just dudes in robes smashing garbage cans. Who was the porn star?

What was his or her name? The porn star was... I already left the page, but I can go back and find it. You remember. Because I don't remember. Maybe I do. No, I don't. It was Paul Thomas.

Certainly was, wasn't it? Yeah. Old Paul Thomas. Leonard even called him ubiquitous. Ubiquitous porno star. So they didn't have porn names back in the 70s? It was just like... That's what they used to call a big fat cock.

Here's my Paul Thomas. I've never got to say that in real life, so I just wanted to say it. Okay, Tim gets to pick the category. All right. Then we go to Sean. People are still laughing at something. Now I'm laughing because my face is red. There's physical antics.

You are getting really red. I'm embarrassed. Holy shit. You're like, this is like that scene in Willy Wonka where the girl goes down the chute. You're like, this is like that scene in Willy Wonka. Where the girl goes down the chute. It's a different scene.

I'll calm down in a second. I just know there was cock talk over there. That's all I heard. Next on cock talk. Cocks. Cocks. We're going to talk about cocks. Coming back right after this message. Coming up, cocks again. Cocks. We're going to talk about cocks. Coming back right after this message.

Coming up, cocks again. Always cock. Cocks on Cock Talk. You want something else? Watch something else. Yeah. Watch any other program.

Anything. There's little to no cock talk. I was calling in for car talk. Nope. Sorry, caller. This is all cock talk. I don't know how much fun it is to listen to, but boy, it's fun to be here.

Yeah, first time caller, long time listener. Go ahead, caller. Hit me in the face with that big old question. Sean Jordan, ladies and gentlemen. Sean Jordan, ladies and gentlemen. Sean Jordan. Oh, shit. Oh, man.

I'm sweating. Just let me know when you're ready, Tim. I'm sweating. Just let me know when you're ready, Tim. Sweaty and crying. Okay, let's do it. I've got to go to bed, man. I still got two shows to do. Yeah, that's right. Let's do this thing.

Would you like one of these categories? Mauled to death? That's movies that have Gretchen Maul in them. Or a maul. Maybe both. Maybe both. Inconceivable. And that's movies with infertile women.

Something we love talking about on Cock Chalk, ladies and gentlemen. Raw dogging on Cock Chalk with a bear lady. And your third choice, suggested by Citizen Schwartz, is It puts the It puts the motion in the casket. Put the motion in the casket. And that's movies where

vampires have sex. Or a vampire has sex. Because sometimes they have sex with a non-vampire. I think I want to go with a vampire sex movie. Oh, you like that? Yeah. Could finally get rid of that category. Gretchen Maul is really, that's a really funny category,

but I don't know any Gretchen Maul. You can't think of any Gretchen Maul vehicles? No. She was in that one. Yeah. Okay, would you like a movie where a vampire has sex from 1983, 87, or 92? Lots of choices. 92.

Lots of vampire sex. 92. 92 92 okay three and a half stars from uh leonard for this movie that has kind of a peculiar title uh he calls it sumptuous um and he also says that it won Oscar Awards, Academy Awards, for makeup, sound effects editing, and costume design. Oh, somebody in the audience says. And seven, ten, eleven names are listed. How many names do you think it would take you to? From the bottom. Yeah.

Yeah. Eleven. you to uh from the bottom yeah 11 you could say you know 11 is just a opening bid where you get all the names but i have to start the kind of person that likes to get it all i can't start from the bottom yeah you can i'm just saying if you say 11 you're going to hear from the bottom all the way up to the top person you're going to hear all the bottom all the way up to the top person. You're going to hear all of them. Oh, you will say them? Yeah. Oh, okay. Thank you. As we've done for two rounds. I can't start from the bottom. As we've done for two rounds now, I will

list the names. I mean, when Graham said zero names, of course we didn't list any names. You've only heard it happen once. But that was that time where you won the point. So, yeah, so a lot of people just opening bid 11 names. But that was that time where you won the point. So, yeah. So a lot of people just opening bid 11 names.

11 names. I hate this. I'm so horrible. Just say 11 names. It's the safest thing you could do. Okay, 11 names. Yeah. You got to play to win.

Yeah. You're playing for Mark. Mark's going to attack you if you don't win. Mark. Sean. Mark. Eight. We'll say eight. Oh. Mark. Eight. We'll say eight.

Oh, okay. Eight? Yeah, fuck the world. What's up? Yeah, eight names. Graham. People are whispering zero. Either as a bid suggestion or an insult.

Great insult. You're such a zero. Yeah, you should get with the hero. L7. Cool as ice. Cool as ice. Don't forget your name tag. So you said eight?

Mm-hmm. I said it with a lot of confidence, too. Like, all the confidence. You really, you got a really nice smile, Graham. For all you listeners. I'm going to say name that movie.

So if I don't get it, Graham wins, then? That's what's going to happen. Yep. And I'm sure he's not going to make a big deal out of it at all. No, no, no. He's a good winner.

I'm going to be real calm. He's good at winning. Handles it gracefully. All right. Eight names, man. I'm born on a green light. Let's do it. 92, three and a half stars from Leonard.

It's sumptuous. Totally. Yeah. Won Oscars for things like makeup and sound effects editing and costume design. And 1992 is the year, and the clue is a vampire has sex. And your eight names are Monica Bellucci, Jay Robinson, Tom Waits, Sadie Frost, Bill Campbell. People are getting it throughout the room. Carrie Elwes, Richard E. Grant, Keanu Reeves.

Those are your eight names. Sean Jordan for the three-way tie. This motion picture where a vampire has sex is called... Hold on. I don't want anyone to tell me what the name of the movie is. Grammy, don't you whistle? How about... Just do this.

Think of a movie that had a vampire in it. And what that might have been called. That's too many clues. I don't know. Interview with the Vampire. See how quickly they turn on you? It was funny. I'm sorry.

No, the rest of the names are Anthony Hopkins, Winona Ryder, and Gary Oldman. Bram Stoker's Dracula. That was like, they were around the same year, weren't they? Graham Elwood's our winner, everybody. Thank you so much Excellent competition sir Well played Great time So much

You're a wonderful audience Where's McCool at? Come on up here McCool And get your prizes Oh he's getting a hug. Nice. You smell adorable. It's okay for guys to say that now.

And all that stuff is yours there. That laundry bag and that that limp. Enjoy your $20. That X-Men punching bag thing's been in my trunk for a long time, and I think it's got a leak in it, so enjoy that. Give that to some children you hate.

And the other two gentlemen, pass me your name tags, for there are shitheads written on the back, I'm sure, and I will name those at the end of the program. Or is there one on there? I'm going to read a text I received from Sean Jordan earlier this afternoon. Oh, okay. Here we go. Get ready to lose a game or two, you fucking

jamoke. I believe I speak with my actions. Hey, Mark Attacks, could you come up here for a second and give us a shithead to say here at the end of the show? Where'd Mark attacks go? He's beating off of that punching

bag. There you are. You can have that back. Wait, no, Mark didn't win it. Right here, right down right here. Somebody you want me to call a shithead. And then take your pants off. Too soon? That's fine. Good one? No, that's fine. Good one.

Okay, thanks. That's cool. Totally cool. Oh, he's never... You're giving that to me to take home? Yeah. You have to leave it here all night. Here, get this through airport security.

No problem. Explain this to them. Oh, all these metal things hanging here? Those are just flying saucers. And it's got a tax in it. I would get arrested just for the word along. Thanks. Yeah.

Don't think you're some deaf mute showed up with a sign threatening people. And he just shakes the sign. That's how he threatens people? He just... Graham's got plugs. He always has a lot of plugs. Yes. that's how he threatens people? Graham's got plugs. He always has a lot of plugs.

Yes. Of course, listen to my podcast, Comedy Film Nerds, and I will be doing some shows. Go to GrahamElla.com. One of them is the All Things Comedy show in Los Angeles at Largo December 10th, and I will be defending my two-time 12 Guests of Christmas Championship.

I say three-peat, you say yes. That's what we're calling the tour. Well, you really got them worked up with that one. I say three-peat, you don't say yes. Someone at home said yes. Hashtag yes. And Doug and I will

be performing at the Irvine Improv December 26th, right? And then I'm headlining the 27th and 28th of December as well. And you're doing the early show and then I'm headlining the late show. Is that how we're doing it? Yeah, you come down for double header. Yeah, that sounded

like we're both gonna blow them. Hey, whatever sells tickets, dude, I'm in. So check all that out. Go to gramela.com. I'm on Twitter and Facebook and all that. And thank you for letting me come into your lives. Sean? Yeah, I got, me and my friend Shane Torres we run a show in town, it's called Funny Over Everything

and it's at the Hollywood Theater and we have past, I believe past and maybe future guest Emily Heller, has she been on the show before? Right, Emily Heller? On this show? No. Yes, I thought she had, well she's fucking hilarious Emily Heller is and she's going to be headlining that so it's December 9th, So please, please come to that. That's right here in our fair city.

And I'll be here on Wednesday, too, doing Comedy Bingo. It's like a new idea that we thought of. And me and some kids from around town are going to be here doing that. Comedy what? Comedy Bingo. It's like a... Oh, bingo. I thought you said pico.

I'll watch someone's act and then make... Comedy Pico. You're going to find communists and we're going to root them out? How does Comedy Bingo work? I got to ask the managers, but I'm pretty sure what I do is I take the act of the comics because I picked them. And I write a bingo card based on words that I might hear in their act. Like if anybody in this room knows who Shane Torres is, I might write sad piece of shit or something like that. That's him. That's him.

That's him laughing back there. So then when the person says a word that you have on your car, you yell out bingo? I think you have to get a row of them if I know bingo correct. Wow, this is complicated. I don't know. I'm just going with the traditional bingo on this one. I don't know.

I've got to talk to the managers. They just told me that we're doing it, so we're doing it. So those two shows. All right. Comedy bingo. Pants off, pants off, dude. Tim Meadows has two more shows here tonight. So if you guys don't have plans tonight, come on down.

And are you going to be anywhere else soon? I am, but I really don't know where. Do you have a site that people can go to? Yeah, it's timmeadows dash dot something. No, I don't know what it is.

I just want to go home. Well, you don't get to. You have to stick around. Gotta stay. Yeah, go back to your hotel room and just call up and have somebody hold the phone up to the mic for your next two shows. Just literally phone it in. That'll be fun.

I got stuff coming up. Like I said earlier, I'm going to be with Graham Wednesday in San Diego. And I'm going to be at the Tempe Improv on December 1st. And I'm going to be in Vegas January 17th. Douglowsmovies.com for all my deets and dates. Thank you to all my guests. Thank you to all the audience that's here today.

Thanks, dude. I'm so excited that you're excited that I'm excited about spending April 20 together next year. And as always, the Arizona Wildcats football team is a shithead. And one we can all agree on

Johnny Depp is a shithead Now it's time for Doug to watch another Talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing crowd was makes him Pocky, there's no room In his heart for you Cause Doug loves Movies