Doug Loves Movies - T.J. Miller, Ben Schwartz, Paul F. Tompkins, Tom and Jeff Levack Guest

Episode Date: February 9, 2012

Doug welcomes fan favorites T.J. Miller, Ben Schwartz, and Paul F. Tompkins to the show, along with "Santa Size Me" Fake Trailer Contest winners Tom and Jeff Levack. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seats With 50-azit pop-up kernels in his teeth There's still not far that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody My name is Doug And I love movies And I love fighting the drizzle

To get here And that the place is packed Thank you so much you guys Because it was supposed to rain tonight And like I saw you I watch you from afar and there were there were umbrellas in the early times you know around 6 20 but by seven everyone was standing and happy and every every single person got in so i'm very very excited about that

some people got to see some sort of showcase for something that was happening before this that i don't know enough about to continue speaking on. We're coming to you. This is Doug Lowe's Movies. Did I say that? Yeah, have a seat. I'm the world's angriest owner. This is Doug Lowe's Movies

coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, February 7th to Ocean's Eleven. in Los Angeles on Tuesday, February 7th to Ocean's Eleven. I even wrote Eleven this time. The last two times I got it wrong, I had written it correctly, and this time I just

flat out wrote it wrong. Let me fix that. Back up the tape. Back up the tape. Here we go. I could totally fix every mistake I make in editing, but I leave them in because, you know, I do want to be president someday.

I don't know why I said that. Speaking of political shit, at PodDrops on Twitter today wrote something that cracked me up based on the fact that it was sort of based on listening to this show. He wrote Court rejects Prop 8 Hashtag Go Homo.

That's a pretty good one. The guy went topical and came up with one of those. If you haven't heard the episode from Sketchfest in San Francisco, go back and listen to it. That will then become either funnier or... No, I'm over it.

I don't need any more of those. Thanks to everyone who came to my shows in Portland and Vegas. I'll be back at Helium in Portland to tape two episodes of Doug Loves Movies on April 13th and 14th at 420. Different guests each day during the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. And I'll be back to Vegas ASAP

probably July-ish. Always a good time. And I've got something I planned something for Chicago that people might enjoy. On Tuesday, April 24th, I'm doing a stand-up show at Zany's with special guests.

Guests or guests, we'll see. And then some Leonard Maltin game at the end of the show against audience members. And then the winner, the person who can beat my featured guest at the Leonard Maltin game in one round, will then be an additional guest on Douglas Movies,

taping at Zany's on that Sunday, April 29th. So get your name tags ready, Chicago. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. The number one movie in the country is Chronicle, which is not for emetophobes or anyone easily nauseated by handheld camera work. It's got some pretty cool sequences and is the best found footage movie ever made.

Not a compliment. And then they nailed the found footage genre. Let's bury it. Let's fucking go ahead and make a sequel and just make it a movie where you tell us a story. Where we watch us a story. Where we watch and a story is being told through cinema.

I don't need every ten seconds. Well, the reason we're filming we have a camera because oh, that movie. Okay, so number two I still kind of liked it. Number two is number two is Women in Black, which is not

a Men in Black spinoff starring Jada Pinkett Smith which would be the worst thing ever made it is I don't know why I hate her so much

she's not a bad actress I just just hate her so watch because it made me think of Jada Pinkett Smith Watch Chronicle I mean don't watch Women in Black

Watch Chronicle not Women in Black This has been Watch This Not That Yeah thank you Vancouver Heads up Comedy festival issues Apparently the venue that I was going to do Doug Love's movies in And several other shows at the Vancouver Comedy Festival

So they had like a punk rock show a couple nights ago or whenever and there was you know, fire laws were broken or something. I probably shouldn't even be sharing any of this. Somebody's going to get pissed at me. But basically, this whole venue pulled out of the festival. So now the festival

has to find other venues for all of our shows. And my show times were wacky so it's going to be hard to reschedule. So my point is, if you're in Vancouver listening to this, if you're in Vancouver, check the listings and double-check, especially if you already have tickets. If you don't have tickets, what?

Go ahead and go get tickets. And I apologize for whatever changes are going to happen I think like the 7 o'clock show is going to be at midnight and the 420 show is going to stay at 420 it's terribly confusing did the 420 show move dude? no just the 7 o'clock one moved to midnight what about the 420 show dude?

hey everybody producer Ryan here. Just wanted to confirm that the Doug Loves Movies tapings during the Vancouver Comedy Festival will happen as scheduled at the Tom Lee Music Hall at 7 p.m. Friday, February 17th and 420 p.m. Saturday, February 18th. Back to the show. And also, quick heads up to London, England.

I'll be hanging out there this weekend with no particular plans the show. And also, quick heads up to London, England. I'll be hanging out there this weekend with no particular plans or show. By the time this plops, I will have taped Morgan Spurlock's New Britannia, a show where he invites an American to come and be stupid in front of some British people. And, yeah, and he signed me up. So I'm flying to London tomorrow

and then taping it on Thursday night. And so again, by the time you hear this, I will have done that, but then have the rest of the weekend just hang out in England. So hit me up. Let's meet for a pint. Oh God, have I covered everything? Jesus

What a complicated opening This is like getting through the first 10 minutes of Marc Maron So And I say that Entirely out of love because it's That's my favorite part. Who else loves the first 10 minutes of Mark Manning?

It's something about it. He's just talking to you about what's about to happen. I kind of want to do that on my show. I want to be like the next day. Oh man, last night, I didn't think I would ever get to talk while, you know, fill in the blank of your favorite over-talker. Who's the biggest over-talker? It's probably Jeff Garlin, right?

Alright. That was not what I was looking for. Please welcome first of all, I'm going to bring out two people who are a father and son team who entered the Santa Size Me competition on YouTube

last year, and they are the winners. Please welcome, I didn't even check with them to make sure I'm spelling their last name correctly. Please welcome Tom and Jeff Levac. Levacs. The Levacs are here.

Interesting positioning. You made it so there'll be other guests on either side of you. Very smart. Way to force bonding on them. Congratulations, you guys. Hey, yeah, grab a microphone there. This is Jeff, everybody.

Say hi into your microphone. Hello into your microphone. Like, when comedians are on, it drives me crazy that sometimes they don't talk into their microphones. Right, Jordan? But these guys, I'm going to cut some slack. I'm going to warn you, like, three or four times. And then I'm going to lose my shit.

So, yeah, just talk into your microphone whenever you talk. And then Tom is the father of Jeff. That would be me. And you guys made this trailer together. Yeah. On what kind of budget? Because it's strangely impressive.

We didn't want to count how much money we spent on it, but a lot of cookies. A lot of cookies. Yeah, you had to buy a lot of cookies because just real quickly for the audience if you don't know santa size me trailers were about how morgan spurlock should make a movie where he proves that you can't eat the amount of cookies that santa claus has to eat over the course of one night over the entire world and so i said that

you know i said that joke and i said but make trailer, a fake trailer for that movie, and put it on YouTube, and then I'll pick the best one, and those people will be a guest on the show. And then I ran into you guys. Prior to that, I ran into you. Or during it? It was actually before you announced it. Before I announced it. But you were already planning to come out here. Yeah, we told you that we wanted to come out.

Yeah. And then when we heard You announced the contest I immediately called them up And I said We're going to do it And then they won it But we met at the Go Bananas in Cincinnati And yeah

I'm not as dumb as I often am And So congrats on winning Part of your prize was you get to choose the other guests that get to come out here. And I won't mess around with what's in the prize bag. They all brought awesome stuff. But please welcome, as per request of the LeVacs, am I pronouncing it right? Yeah.

Ben Schwartz, TJ Miller, and Paul F. Tompkins. Whoever you want, man Wherever you want Paul generally sits to my left I told you guys it was going to be good. They asked for only, I think they asked, they mentioned six people

and out of the six people they named, three said yes. Who said no? Who said no? Who's an ass? Nick Kroll couldn't make it? Boo,

he would have sucked anyway. I'll do all his material. He's a dumb sketch comedy show. Your sister, Sarah Silverman couldn't make it because she was at a funeral. That is a shame. Movie reference.

Everyone here is like she would have been better. No. That's what we think. They weren't disappointed with Nick Kroll. Now they're disappointed with Sarah Silverman.

I'm like oh. Oh this is unfair to everyone involved but the third one was Harrison Ford. The Pointer Sisters. The Pointer with Sarah Silverman. Oh, this is unfair to everyone involved. But the third one was The Pointer Sisters. The Pointer Sisters? No, it was... Who was it?

Edgar. Edgar Wright. Who's very busy writing a movie with Simon Pegg. In another country, right? No, here. Are they here? They're here because Simon's going to be in the... Will you let me speak? For once, will you let me speak?

It's happening early this time. We are one minute in. One minute in, and already Sarah Sermon would have been better. She would have. One minute. This is not a competition. Well, it is eventually.

Towards the end, it is. But now, for right now, it's not a competition. Well, it is eventually. Towards the end, it is. But now, for right now, it's not a competition. Ben, thank you for coming back to the show and congratulations on the success of your two programs. He's on two programs, Parks and Rec. Yeah.

That little tag scene at the end where NBC likes to go, there's more of this coming up when there's only 30 seconds more and there's credits over the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. When they do that, the scene where you go in

to try to get the job at the accounting agency and just do one lap around the place, one shot, just they slowly figure out your fucking tool bag and then you just you're happily out the door like well

that didn't work out for anybody that's the funny it's so great and you're on House of Lies on Showtime so

Showtime as a character with almost almost different hair yeah the difference between is that my hair is a little different

the character on House of Lies uses a different product, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He uses more of a... It's a pomade. He tapes it down.

One of them teases the other hair. The parts of that character is more bumble and bumble. This one's more of like a crew hole. That's American. Hashtag go home.

Yeah, yeah. So, um... Hashtag go home. Seriously, go them, though. So you're at the Super Ego show in Vancouver. In Vancouver. Has to move to a new venue. Have you heard of this?

No, I sure haven't, Doug. What are you telling me on a podcast? That concerns my life? Super inside shit. What happened to the Tom T. Hall music hall? Or whatever it was called I told them already There was a punk show there

And there were fire marshal violations So they had to lower their capacity And we've sold more tickets Than they're allowed to have people in there May I address all the punks of the world right now? I'm so happy you're doing this Please speak to them, please I'm so happy you're doing this. Please, speak to them, please. I'm so happy you're doing this.

Punks! It's not the better part of over three decades to overthrow the world government. Give it up. It's like trying to make burlesque a thing again. You can try all you want, it's not going to happen. Stop ruining things, punks. We just wanted to

have a show. How do you think my punk demographic, what do you think? Like how many of them just heard that? Those three? Just the most stoned punks ever. Why won't Doug talk more about anarchy? Oh, I just got a text from Paul Topkins.

What did he say? Sorry, can't make it. I think Sarah Silverman's available. I think you need context for this particular text because you were by the side door hoping I would open it. This is absolutely going to be worth it. Any text that needs a story behind it. Outdoors, being attacked by punks.

Let me in quick. These punks are going to ruin the pod. Hashtag, I have something to say when we get on stage. Johnny Rotten's holding a safety pin to my throat. I just say that because he wrote, little pig, let me come in. And he wouldn't speak to me that way.

He would call me Douglas normally. That's right. But I was pretending to be Alec Baldwin. You were my daughter. I cannot get over that anyone thought that him calling his own daughter a little pig was anywhere out of line at all. A rude little pig.

Yeah. That was the best part. Devastating comeback put down for a small girl. What a comeback. But some little pigs aren't fat. You know what I mean? Little pigs can be cute. Look, little pigs start out in great shape.

Right? Fresh out of be cute. Look, little pigs start out in great shape. Right? Fresh out of the womb. Running around. Oh, when they're fresh, they are thin. God, they look good. But then what happens? They don't like themselves. And they get lazy.

And they have to eat slop. That's true. You know what's funny? How can you not get fat eating something called slop? If they understood English, I bet they wouldn't eat slop. I bet if the farmer was like, here's your slop, and they understood English, they'd be like, what? How dare you? No deal.

But instead they'd just hear, slop. And that means beautiful ambrosia. The most appetizing sound in the world. To a pig. To a little pig And I get to eat out of a trough Let's check in with Tom and Jeff And see how they're doing Let's check in with Tom and Jeff

What's going over there Out in the middle of the stage Tom and Jeff, what's it look like out there? Tom, can you hear us? Can we change our choices? From left field, Tom! Doug is down. Doug is falling on the ground.

Get up, Doug! Paul Johnson to get Doug in the face with a microphone. Everything is going wrong. Tom, what have you done? You bring two fucking punks on the show. Doug's back up. He is back into it. Doug is returning to his chair.

He is staring intently into Tom's eyes. Tom is neither intimidated nor without an erection. Let me do a quick check. Quick check on the most words contest. Yes, TJ is in the lead. And all of them are irid. Yeah, and Jeff, seriously, man.

Step it up. It will last us first in some ways. You have it. Oh. That's like biblical. They did the most profound things. That's right. Yeah.

Out of the mouths of babes, not the little pig who was rude. Not even vaguely threatening. It's clearly threatening from them. Are you guys, are the Levaks excited about participating in the game portion of the show tonight? We've been practicing. But we're sure that as soon as you start, we're going to turn into Marc Maron and not know anything. Whoa. That's a weird, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, inept, He doesn't even know that this is the last mention, so he has to listen all the way to the end. I'm going to throw something in after the end theme song,

so he has to listen to that again. At the end of the episode, let's all say what we really think about Mark Bennett. Let's do it. Let's end the episode that way. We should also do a seance. Or what if we just bypass the shithead thing and I just say his name four times?

He'll stay on to hear that. Even if you tell him that's exactly what's going to happen, he will still need to hear it. Oh, my God. All right, so let's play. Don't read, cheater. Do you need to return your 29 emails? Can I say that I brought you guys

I brought you guys gifts Well thank you Oh yes, TJ brought some gifts I brought you my hour special For Tom and Jeff And my music album Which Doug calls the most confusing thing on the marketplace It's my favorite description of it

I love it though So that's for you guys But there's only one copy for each of you So you have to listen to it separately And watch it separately And then you can switch Because it's weird if a father and a son Are just like hanging out in the bedroom

Like let's sit on the couch And watch this buddy Or I guess if you do it in the living room It's okay Here's what's in the prize bag That's going to the audience tonight We've got a keychain that says Miami on one side

And number one dad on the other A copy of the aforementioned T.J. Miller The extended play EP My first CD Also from T.J. Who played Stainer And she's out of my league

A beta copy of that Your character's name played Stainer, and she's out of my league, a beta copy of that. Your character's name was Stainer? Yeah. Aren't I lucky, Paul? Come fly with me. The original script, it was shitbag, wasn't it? It was dick faker. It was dick faker.

How many drafts could there have been? Like two, right? A hundred. No, there's a hundred. Oh, I forgot to change it from stainer. Well, it's too late. The movie's been greenlit. It's too late.

And it wasn't even the word stainer. It was just ejaculate stains right above my dialogue. Every single piece of paper. Every single piece of paper. Wow. Very unique. Yeah, they did it at DreamWorks. They don't...

They're very generous. Seems like more words. Ben Schwartz brought some humorous books that he co-wrote. Yeah. Like there's one with a puppy on the front that says, Grandma's dead. I should mention the puppy looks sad. Yeah, he's not happy about it.

No. That'd be weird if he was happy. Just a happy puppy. Yeah. Grandma's dead. This happy about it. No. That'd be weird if he was happy. Just a happy puppy. Yeah. This one, it is weird. It's a cute little happy dog that says, maybe your leg will grow back.

Or maybe it'll grow back. Now everybody wants to fucking win, right? Before it was just a stainer Blu-ray. Oh yeah, it was a Blu-ray. I'm sorry, I said Vader. And Paul brought a hat that says The Room on it. The Room!

Handed to me directly by the auteur, Tommy Wiseau. Have you ever seen him and Gene Simmons in the same place? They're actually in the green room. Is that weird that I didn't mention that until now? That is weird. They're actually in the green room. Is that weird that I didn't mention that until now? That is weird. They're doing Shakespeare.

Let's play some games. Let's start with Build a Title to determine which individual up here. Is this the most people that have done Build a Title? Probably yes. What's the matter, Teach?

What's the matter, Teach? What? What's the matter? Nothing You seem sad What happened? Nothing You can tell us You're still winning the words thing

I don't know I just feel like I just feel like everybody really likes each other on this podcast But they don't tell each other enough Anyway, whatever It's not that I just spilled some water near the microphones like everybody really likes each other on this podcast, but they don't tell each other enough. Anyway, whatever. It's not that I just spilled some water near the microphones. Figure that

one out, listeners. You're really funny in the goods. Thanks. You're welcome. Okay. This title for Build a Title was suggested by at Wampus Reynolds. And the title

will start with Paul since I think he already looked at it. I don't know if you can read my writing. I was fascinated by the double digit amount of your emails. Because they're ones that I, you know, keep as new because I want to remember to do that thing. Oh.

I'm pretty good about getting back and stuff on emails and shit. That's why I was surprised, Doug. Everybody has a system. Here's the title. We'll start with you. Then we'll go to the Levaques, Jeff and Tom. Sure. Followed by Ben, who will hopefully have figured out how this game works by then.

I'm going to figure it out by the time we're done. I don't think he's played before. And TJ. So here we go. Your title, Paul, to start with is American Buffalo. Oh. David Mahmood.

American Buffalo. Oh, boy. That is a little tough. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. That is weird. I don't know why they're thrown. The game just starts, American Buffalo,

and he's like, American Buffalo? And what it does, this game could be anything at this point. Literally. Doug, you should just be like, you are a winner, Paul. And then Ben's like,

what the fuck? How are we supposed to make this? I believe it. Let's move on to Jeff. The Godfather. Don't fuck this up, Jeff. Don't fuck this up. The Godfather.

You lose. No! All right. I got one. Okay, okay, okay. American Buffalo Down Dirty Shame. Oh, yeah! Oh, boy.

Oh, I'm talking. So now we go to Jeff, and he's got to add to American Buffalo Down Dirty Shame. Liss? Shameless. Yes, that's correct. Just that simple. Just that simple, folks.

What? It's not on you yet. It's not on you yet. It's not on you yet. You're so good. I'll try to figure it out. We're building a title from existing movie titles. We go to Tom. He has to say a movie that ends in American

or begins with shameless or less. Got it. So American, Buffalo, Down Dirty Shame. Less Than Zero. Yeah! shameless or less. Got it. So American, Buffalo, down, dirty, shame. Down, dirty,

shame, less than zero. Yeah! Ooh, I got one. I can't wait until these guys blow it. Since he came to play. All right,

so there we go to Ben. So I have to start with either zero or American. Yeah, and remember the absolute low stakes that are involved here. Does it have to be the whole word American

or can I do what Paul didn't just use low out of something? Could it be easy American Remember the absolute low stakes that are involved here. Does it have to be the whole word American? Or can I do what Paul didn't just use low out of something? Could it be easy American, buffalo, low and down, dirty, shame, whatever, shameless, zero? Easy A-American. I like it. I'm for it. Easy A-American. Nobody ever says you just got an easy A-American.

Yeah, nobody says American. That's what I meant. It's going to be a regional thing. And then

easy sets you up. That helps you. Where are you from? America? Stakes are

so fucking high. The stakes are so high. Okay, easy American. Okay, so then I

think the big easy. Yeah, that's right. Big easy. So now, Paul, you need to... I like somebody in the audience who's like, oh, what a weird thing to root against.

Ending big or starting zero? TJ's success. How would you root against it? TJ, you know what I've told you about sidebars during the games? Sorry, bar. Paul, it's ends in big, begins in zero. Zero effect. Oh.

I like that movie. Oh my gosh. What? What determines what gets applause? Is it for the movie or is it for the furthering of the game? I think it's a combination of people like that movie. People did not know how to feel about it.

No, I'm saying that other movies got bigger applause. Less than zero, people were thrilled to hear it. Maybe they got to the effect before you. Maybe they all knew that was coming. They were waiting for it. Shame less than zero was a surprise, especially from, you know, some fucking hillbilly from the sticks

of Cincinnati. Yeah, that one coming. I love Cincinnati, by the way. Okay. Been all is well. Oh, shit! I was going to show the trailer that they made.

Do you guys want to see it? Yes, more than I do. This will give you some time to think. I know your made. Do you guys want to see it? Yes, more than I do. This will give you some time to think. I know your strategy. Do you have it fired up? Can we play it? Yeah. Now, they used a Led Zeppelin song, was it?

Well, it's in the trailer. Yeah, yeah, in the trailer. It's actually a parody of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Yeah, yeah, it's the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Almost shot by shot, except for, like, whenever they cut to a road, you just cut to some cookies. Yeah, any time there was a car, cookies. Yeah, yeah. It's a girl with a dragon tattoo. Almost shot by shot. Except for like whenever they cut to a road, you just cut to some cookies. Yeah, anytime there was a car, cookies. Yeah, yeah. Now, sitting two inches from the screen, we'll probably

be able to see this pretty well, right? And this is going to play really well on a podcast. Oh, no, no. We're going to, you know, we'll fade in and fade out, but I just think everybody here will like to see it. Ah! No, no, no. Not yet. Not yet. out but I just I just think it was a white power it listeners here we go this is my tunnel man Jeff and his dad who the following parody yeah it's already

funny Oh my god. Sanitize me. Yay! I was shot entirely on an iPhone 4GS. Yeah, shot entirely on an iPhone. Alright, well that was my one stoner moment at late night. I know there's no such thing as an iPhone 4GS.

Which was pointed out to me the second I posted it on YouTube. And you can't change it? You don't have the technology? People were already watching it. You know what? It's part of it. It's part of the magic, man. YouTube comments are sacrosanct. What was the cookie budget on that?

Too much. It wasn't money. It was time. I think once we got into it. Oh, you baked all the cookies. Yes, of course. They're all from scratch. They have to be authentic.

I should say, you baked those Oreos. I should say, for the people that were just listening and not seeing it, that they can go to YouTube and type in Santa Size Me, like official winner or something like that, and then you can see it. And then they also do a side-by-side.

It's on the other video's side of the screen you can click on. They put the trailer and their thing running side by side and you can see how you know they tried to match up most of the shots

in that that trailer is awesome that David Fincher trailer is amazing I still haven't seen the movie because I heard there's reading involved but

and rape I don't want to be reading during a rape I just want to be able to enjoy it. On its own terms. What annoys you more? Reading annoys you more than rape is what we learned.

Reading, rape-o. Arithmetic. Reading, rape-o. Three R's. Reading, rape-o. I knew in my heart that that would be funny. I'm so happy you went for it. I'm so happy you went for it. I'm so happy you went for it.

I waited to see it. I know somebody else named TJ, but TJ just came up voicemail on my phone and I thought, did he fucking call me during that? While we were watching your trailer? Yeah, I had a couple of notes on your reactions to the trailer. At one point you looked away.

At one point you were sleeping. At another point you put a hoodie over your hoodie. Yeah, that's called ghost protocol. Paul F. Tompkins. GoPro. Big, easy, American, buffalo, down, dirty, shapeless. Then zero effect.

So what do you got? I got zero effect, which I just said. Oh, okay. We go to Jeff. Sorry. We move to Jeff. I have nothing. Okay, Jeff. We go to Jeff. Sorry. We move to Jeff. I have nothing. Okay, Jeff is out.

Wait, hold on. Is that the title of a movie? Tom, you got anything that ends in big or begins in effect? Or ect? No, and this is exactly what I said. So, no. Okay. It's only fair. Low stakes. Or ect No and this is exactly What I said So no Okay It's only fair

Low stakes Ben Schwartz Here I am guys TJ Miller Yep Hi I'm Ben Schwartz Shit he sounds like me

You got anything TJ? I think there's gotta be Some movie with the end of it As big I think What about big? I think there's got to be some movie with the end of it as big. What about big? I'd say it's The Big. Okay. The Big.

I challenge you, sir. Quite the gamesman. You lose, and Paul is our winner. That means you get to go first in Leonard Martin game. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. We'll go the same

order again so that the guys on the end will have a chance to maybe have an idea what's happening. Maybe. I think you've played this before. I've been on it a lot and I don't know it. I think we just watched cookie trailers for a while.

Yeah. Gentlemen, choose a name tag. I think we just watched cookie trailers for a while. Yeah. Gentlemen, choose a name tag. You got name tags, you guys? Oh, that's right. Choose a name tag from the audience that you would wish to play for. Oh, this gentleman right here, it says stuffed. It's the last moment of your trailer. Yeah, yeah.

Paul's going to move out into the crowd. His lovely wife is here tonight. It's a big night here at the show. Okay, this guy... What do you got, TJ? Tell us about it. This guy gave me a wallet

under the pretense that there was going to be money in it as a bribe like what we do when we're pulled over in Mexico. But then I look at it and it doesn't have anything. Well, maybe there's a prepaid phone card. There isn't. There's just a New Hampshire ID

and another New Hampshire ID. What's his name? Maybe one of them says he's a little older than the other. Pull off the digressives, Highway. David Reynolds Jr. Okay, David Reynolds Jr. What's his social?

The other one says David Reynolds Sr. It's a fake ID. David Reynolds Jr. I'm your father, Slap. I'm your father, Slap. I'm your son, Slap. Ben. I grabbed a Blu-ray DVD that he costumed to say

Zack to the Future instead of Back to the Future. Nice. But the DVD is really the film Sanctum. Oh. I was just in case you tried to walk away

with his sweet, sweet Back to the Future Blu-ray. It would be awesome if his name was Future, and he changed Zach just because he thought it sounded better. Tom, what do you got? I picked the Kenny Loggins album that has

a Chris that looks like Price is Right. Which, interestingly, has... Nope! Oh! He wrote his shithead on the back. Don't give it away, Tom. Tom, you're fine. Everything's fine. He did do it.

Oh, shit. Does that mean you have to tell Sanctum to go fuck itself? Oh, maybe. Maybe that's what they meant. Sanctum should go fuck itself. If we're honest. Sanctum, I don't even know him. There's an inner Sanctum. I don't even know him. Intersanctum.

Yeah. Jeff. And I got Jeffrey. Oh, that's nice. Same name. Yeah. And there was that movie Jeffrey. That was a weird movie.

Don't you. Don't you. You guys are. It's not a very faded Xerox. I don't think either of those guys are gay, but they play gay dudes, I guess. It's weird. Yeah. And Paul F. Tompkins Has a

This is Eric And it says The little sign says Eric Celsior That's being held By Galactus The devourer of worlds From Marvel Comics

It looks like he says some shit There's holes in his back Oh yeah yeah He's a talking Galactus I don't know where you Eric Celsior You gotta I don't think I wanna know what he has to say.

I'm talking to Eric! The button in the middle? The world eating machine. No! That's the worst kind of machine. Oh my god, he's a world eating machine. That's the worst kind of machine. You could not have set that up better.

What I'm holding right now is a guy who eats worlds. I wonder what he says. Me, the world eating machine. That's me. That's the commercial for Grand Corral or whatever that's called with the chocolate fountain. Come eat the world. Is he going to say something else? I hunger.

I hunger. Know me, mortal. Know me and no fear. This guy is not, he's not messing around. What a strange kind of immortality for the voiceover artist. It would be amazing if every time you pressed it, he was less and less into eating worlds. Like, he's like, I don't know about real life. You know what?

I'm over this whole world eating thing. Behold, the planet snacker. You know, I gotta do it on weekends. He's so hard to wait on. I'm not as hungry anymore. Poor, poor Waitress. He's stealing your time. Hold on.

I'm hungry. One more. One more. Let me press it again. So what are you guys doing now? That's weird. What a weird thing. It is weird.

Why would it say that? That is weird. He just threatened to eat your world, and then... He sounds like he just wants to hang out. He wants to know what's up. Yeah, like... He came on too strong. The eating world thing isn't panning out,

so he's like, maybe I should start over. I think part of it is that I feel that he's so sad that he's eating his feelings, and they're earth-sized feelings. Let me press it one more time. Do you guys want to trade Big Lebowski quotes? They're so sad.

I do, I do. Now I know why you eat waffles. By the way, this guy knows his audience. He really does. Really well. So it's okay if I hide behind this for the whole show, right? Yes, sir.

You can hide behind it. In fact, I would behind this for the whole show, right? Yes, sir You can hide behind it And in fact, I would appreciate it if from now on If from this point forward He plays the game in your stead Sure, absolutely But we can consult with each other Yes, of course I'll play it out if you want

We're playing as a team Yes Absolutely You guys are a team So We started about two minutes late tonight So we're going to go about 19 minutes over. She hates Galactus.

Cheesecake Galactus, I think he said? She hates Galactus. Oh, now he's getting into it. Yeah. This is where it comes down. Things are shitty at home. Things are fucking shitty at home. Okay.

So Paul, we'll start with you, and then we'll go across. And Galactus, the world leader. On our way to TJ. Yes. You have to refer to this, Paul. The team of Paul and Galactus. That's right. The world leader.

Lucky number Nevin on Twitter wrote. It's a good one. Lucky number Nevin. And the weird part is his name is Slevin. Well, he goes by Nevin. Yeah, he goes by Nevin. His category suggestion

is my wife and that's movies where a woman is directed by her husband. My wife. I love that you could tell that was the tone he said it in on Twitter. I knew what he was going for, yeah. Nobody says, my wife.

There's no reason to say it any other way. Yeah, you would never be like, this is my wife. You would have to end it like that, but you can't begin a sentence with my wife unless you very hastily add words right after wife. My wife's dead. My wife has cancer. My wife has cancer. My wife has been tortured.

Yeah. No, no, thank you. My wife hates when I do this. I guess he wants to move the game along. No, thank you. My wife hates when I do this. Who can't defy Galactus? I guess he wants to move the game along. We haven't defied anyone yet. I guess he wants to move it along. You get to pick a character.

I mean, a category. All right. Would you like... There was that one, right? Did I say one already? Yes, you said my wife. My wife. We talked about it for ten minutes.

My wife. And then Hugh Meridian suggested Breaking Bald, which is the Baldwin acting dynasty. The films of Breaking Bald. Oh, that's good. Yes.

And then Araba-raba Araba-raba suggested Iron Lady, which is movies with a female robot. Iron Lady. Which one of those would you like to play?

Galacticus and Paul. All right. Friday's at 10. Galacticus and Paul. Well, let's go with Gal Galactus out there on the street Galactus what do people say I am the devourer of the world Alright thanks buddy

Have a great weekend Oh I hate having him In front of me at the buffet It's a nightmare I am the devourer of the world Can you save me a thing Can you save me a thing? Can you save me a thing?

Just giving up on the food. If only foods were so obscure. What am I supposed to think of things like biscuits? The ones I thought of were obscure. Too obscure. That's why I came up with it. I want to go with... What was the one in between my wife and the lady robots? Breaking Bald.

Win. I'm going to go with the lady robots one. Lady robots. Lady robots. Baby robots. This movie's got a lady robot in it. I'll say. At least one. That's what she mechanically said.

Two and a half stars from Leonard. The year is 2008 when this movie came out. He says about this movie that it won the hearts of audiences. And he also says that it has a heavy-handed message. Some of the audience is mocking my... Yeah, what the fuck? Would it be better if I just stare at it quietly? Of all the things to mock about what's happening up here...

Nobody mocks it when President Obama does it. You need to just sound more authoritative. Capture the hearts of people? That's the first thing I'm going to do is get a prompter and take all the uhs out of the prompter so I don't say them. Okay. There are

seven names listed for this movie with the lady robot in it. How many names do you think you can get in Galacticus and Paul? I'm thinking five names. Let me ask Galactus what he thinks.

Tremble at the might of the power cosmic. Alright, I'm going to go six names. Galacticus is drunk. Yeah, he kind of encouraged you to be less. I think he was saying be cautious. He's slurring his words. Yeah, he kind of encouraged you to be less. I think he was saying be cautious. He's slurring his words. Yeah, he's hammered.

I want to destroy the earth. Stay off of my couch. Baby, you want to see me eat a fucking planet? I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'm so lonely. That is sad.

Jeff. What do you think of that, Jeff? He said... Yeah, what do you think of that? He landed on six names, I think. That's okay. You want to say name it or you want to go lower? Five, I can't get into it.

Five, he says. Then you go to your dad over here. Which, by the way, nice work to both of you. Coming off real weird, Benson. Has this been fun, though? Coming off real weird. Has it been fun, though? Have you had a good time?

Jesus Christ. I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that I haven't been listening to a word anybody has been saying for the last five minutes. Because after listening to every podcast, turning him on to it, I cannot believe I got up here and went, oh, there's a name on the back of it. Oh. Oh, are you kidding?

Don't worry about that. Yeah, you really can't let that go. Have you seen how much I fuck up this game every episode? I'm the worst at this. It doesn't matter because on the way home, we will be on a layover wherever we're at

and I'll just be sitting there going, fuck. Can I be the only one to say, you're right to be hard on yourself. That was dumb. And that is the only way that you do better. Wait till you listen back to this. You're going to be like, oh.

Every time. Paul will never get over his last defeat on the show. Never, ever. And then I also just realized I should not be sitting next to my son because I have to say, name that movie. Tag her in the back. Father-son rivalry.

By the way, what would have happened if Galacticas had to name that movie? He would just say, every answer would be devouring world. I'm the team captain. Okay, I'm sorry, sir. Alright, let's establish this. Cooler hits prevail on our team. Paul's not going to tell me. The one time that Paul does it,

the answer's going to be devouring planets with like William H. Macy. You have to... Galacticus cannot respond unless you... It's Galactus! A little respect! He's a devourer of worlds!

Eric Seltzer cannot respond unless you tickle his belly. Or whatever it is you're doing to him. No, you tickle him. You hold a buttercup under his chin. I like butter! You know, it's why I wasn't in production

for very long. Oh, shit. Okay, so Tom told son Jeff to name it. I like butter You know It's why I wasn't In production for very long Oh shit Okay so Tom told son Jeff To name it Which I will pay for And he gets Five names

And uh Do you want the clues again Jeff? No Okay Oh shit Jeff I like it Jeff is this gonna be You outside

In the car What is your problem Dan? You always do this to me. Just take me home. I want to go to my room. I was inches away from Paul F. Tompkins. And even closer to Galactica. Son, it's Galactus.

Thank you. Do you guys remember the night where Comedy Bang Bang started at 11? That was such a fun night. It was the best night of comedy. All those dumb, only-head-tickets-to-comedy-bang-bang people were just outside in the drizzle. Little drizzle. God help them out there in the drizzle. What will they do?

They'll have to put their collars up a little bit. And bring their hats down. I went ghost protocol. I went full hood. Smart. All right. No one is safe. No one is house.

There are five names that I'm going to read to you now. Here we go, Jeff. They are Sigourney Weaver, Kathy Najimy, John Ratzenberger, Jeff Garland, and Alyssa Knight. Are there five names for this movie that has a female robot in it from 2008? What's it called, Jeff? Bring it home. Jeff. I believe in you, Jeff.

Jeff, you can do this. You can do this. This is for your father. I have nothing. Jeff Garlin. The one movie in 08 that I can think of is Iron Man, and I know that's not right, but I'll say Iron Man. Let's go with Iron Man. Why not? Once you've established it's not right, just dive in.

That was my strategy in Cincinnati, and I went with that. I know what it is. That's true. It did work in Cincinnati, but for now, your dad And I know what it is. That's true. It did work in Cincinnati. But for now, your dad is now on the leaderboard with one point, because the movie's called WALL-E! That's one of the few ones I'm going to know all night. Did that robot really have a gender? Yeah, the female one did. The female one, yeah.

It was kind of about... Pretty feminine. It was kind of about... Her name was Ivy or some shit. That was one fine-looking robot. Her name was Susan. Yep. No, it was kind of about her name was Ivy or some shit. That was one fine looking robot. Her name was Susan. Yeah. No, it wasn't.

I am Susan the Robot. Susan the Robot. That has to happen. Okay, so exciting. Tom has a point. We'll start down there with Ben on this one. Let's do it. You get to pick a category. And then we'll go to TJ and Paul.

You get to choose between the following categories. Would you like It's Pete Possilthwaite's birthday today, if you were alive still. And so the films of the great Pete Possilthwaite. Or at Abby Monster suggested on Twitter So the films The films of the great Apostle Thwait Or

At Abbey Monster Suggested on Twitter Dude Where's my Sklar Which is movies With one or more Of the Sklar brothers I love the movies

With more than one They might have Appeared in movies Separately And then Also Also celebrating a birthday Sir Ashton Kutcher.

So pleased about his status. He did get knighted. So the films of Ashton Kutcher. Let's absolutely do Ashton Kutcher. Absolutely. Nicely done. Two stars from Leonard for this movie from 2004. He says about

this movie that it has interesting premise and then he says it also Wallows in unpleasantness What a reversal Of thought Leonard Maltin If you're listening Two stars and he lists

Nine names People in the audience think they already know it Out of nine names how many Can you get it in 2004 I could get it in? 2004. I could do it in five names. Someone just was so disappointed in me.

That is a bold, big hair pit. 2004. Ashton Kutchners. That's the one. I can do it in four. Whoa. All F. Tompkins. The category is Ashton Kutcher? Mm-hmm.

2004. What are the clues again? I'm so sorry, Doug. Wallows in Unpleasantness? Cool. Interesting premise. I can name that movie in zero names. Papa Twist.

I'm excited for you. Negative name. Jav-ree. Negative name. I think I might know it, so I will go negative one. Yeah. Negative one. That's Ashton Kuchner's.

I love this. We're behind schedule, and this could end the game right here. Wouldn't that be wonderful? This could be it. You know what to do. What are you going to do with this, Tom? Father-son rivalry.

You can make up for reading the name on the back of your record. Nothing can ever make up for that. He says negative two. Negative two. I'm going to say name that movie. Tom has to name it and two names in order

and if he succeeds, he will have two points and that will be the end of the game. This is it. It should be fantastic. Is it the butterfly effect? What are the two names? Top two.

Ashton Kutcher and Amy Smart. Dude, you did it! Very impressive! Totally redeeming himself for reading the shit. The next comment is Tom from Cincinnati. That's Tournament of Championships shit. You're going to have to fly back out here again at your own expense.

Once again. At your own expense. We did this time. I might have enough miles saved up. We'll work it out. That's the next Tournament of Championships. I'm deep in the current one. Well done.

That was the best game I've ever been a part one, but well done. Very well done. That was so exciting. That was great. That was the best game I've ever been a part of. That was good. Now, TJ does not say that. No, never. So this is an honor. Never. That is one of the few things that I say.

And I am very aware that one day I will be an old man in a nursing home, and I will pay for this. Yeah. Oh, just download it now and hang on to it. Old man. Old man. You can do it. I think he meant his son was going to smother him with a pillow.

Yeah. Not that he was going to refuse. My son might actually have an extra ticket for Paul's performance. It would be weird if you held that grudge for so long. Like 25 years later, finally, you're like, I'm gonna fucking get you, Dad. Who were you playing for again, TJ?

I played for Damien Roberts Jr. David Reynolds Jr. David Reynolds, could you please come up and write down a shithead for me? David was ready in the corner. Who'd you play for? Where's Zach? Zach.

Zach, come on up. And I wrote a suggestion of maybe who you'd want to put down on the back. David, next time, money in the wallet. Where's the guy, Zach? Is that you, Zach? No, Zach is this guy. Eric Seltzer. You're Eric Seltzer. How do you feel about losing Galactica?

Who is so ignorant as to confront Galactus. Wow, Doug. You should not have mispronounced his name again. Oh, I should not. I'm so ignorant of Galapagos. Galactus, it was him. I'm sorry, Galapagos. It'll never happen again.

I will witness the end, for I am power incarnate. That's like quite a burden to bear, being power incarnate. Wow, he's gotten consistently less impressive. He knows how to dial it down. He knows if it's not working, like, why force it? He is sensitive to social situations.

That's true. Oh my god, the things people wrote. You can cut this tension with a knife. He is sensitive to social situations. That's true. That's what makes him such an impressive role leader. Thanks, man. You can cut this tension with a knife. Were you guys just talking about me? Oh, that's it? What does that say?

I can't read all of that. That's cheating, just putting a bunch of stuff on there. You wrote one down, right? Yeah, yeah, just putting a bunch of stuff on there. You wrote one down, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Part of that's on there. I like that he knew it was his handwriting. He's like, sorry. How many shit heads do we have? I write like a man trapped in a box.

People are jumping up out of the thing. What the hell's going on? I got three, four, I got four of them. Okay. Perfect amount. All right. What else do we have to do before we go? Any plugs, TJ?

My podcast is coming out in February. It's called Cashing In with TJ Miller. You can follow me on Twitter, at not TJ Miller, and follow the updates and things. Where's Chris? Chris, come get your bag. Chris, the updates and things. Where's Chris? Chris, come get your bag. Chris,

the winner. Congratulations. Jeff and Tom, do you have anything to plug? Anything coming up other than you're going to be back for the Tournament of Championships? I guess so. Very excited to have you someday. And Ben Schwartz? Sunday's at 10pm House of Lies on Showtime.

Thank you. Don Cheadle, Kristen Bell, me, and Josh Lawson. And then Don Cheadle. Oh, shit. He's here. Don Cheadle's here. Cheadle. He's here.

He's holding a huge Hotel Rwanda poster. Chidi, how you been? But it says he's had fun with it. It says Hotel Rwanda for dogs. Which he was in as well, by the way. And then my Twitter is Rejected Jokes. Rejected Jokes. Synecdoche Jokes.

Synecdoche Jokes, New York. I went to school in Synecdoche, New York. Well, thank you guys for coming in. What about my plugs, Doug? God damn you! I just want to say really quick that we're running out of time. I just want to say

you both will plug at the end. I just want to say, I that we're running out of time I just want to say yeah you both will plug at the end I just want to say I don't want to bring it down but I just want to say that I'm glad we were able to connect with the

Make-A-Wish Foundation and the wig looks terrific and and good luck to you Jeff if you guys can't tell Jeff listeners at home, Jeff is on his deathbed.

He's got his wheel chipped out. He's got an iron lung on a gurney. It's really terrible. All right, Paul. Doug, I'd like to promote my podcast, the Pod F TomCast. Thank you very much. You were nice enough to not promote it

when you talked about the characters from Comedy Bang Bang appearing on the show. Oh yeah, I wasn't aware that they were on other shows. Yeah, just the one. I thought they were comedy. Just the one other show.

I thought they were Comedy Bang Bang guys. Pot F TomCast, free month to download. And also, that show in Vancouver that I'm doing with the Super Ego guys.

We're doing it, as far as I know, it's still February 15th. Somewhere. I'm sure we're at the same time But they just gotta find a place They just gotta find a place Help us find a place everyone The hunt is on

I'll be in Knoxville, Tennessee In May And all of my tour dates Are at douglasmovies.com Thanks again to my guests Let's hear it for all these guys Thanks for having us Terrific panel

Sweet sausage party. And John Hirshberg is a shithead as always. As always, Biff Tannen is a shithead. But then we have people who are adding parentheticals. I don't know where I said that was

okay, but it does say that Tom Wilson is nice and I have to agree. I run into him a lot in airports and he's always a sweetheart. Steve Grossman is a shithead. That one I can verify because I don't know who Steve Grossman is. And

parentheses, Ben made me. Let's see what he said. Mark Maron is a shithead. Way to go! Oh, Mark! We do love you though we actually love you Mark we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you

we do love you we do love you we do love you we do love you