Doug Loves Movies - T.J. Miller, Chris Cubas and "Mark Wahlberg" guest

Episode Date: November 24, 2015

Live from Whatever Fest in Houston, Doug welcomes T.J. Miller, Chris Cubas and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hello, Houston! Hey, hey, hey, everybody! Hey, hey, hey, everybody. It's almost time to audience participate once again. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Bob Hobbs Movies.

Coming to you from a tent. Right next to Warehouse Live in Houston, Texas. And of course, it's 420-ish. How's law enforcement treating you guys? I'll take that as a no. Not very good. I love this thing. I don't know why it's here.

And I don't know why people are on the other side of it watching me and not being able to see me. It's kind of a weird setup. Maybe if I, yeah. Let's make everything a little bit more in the center of the stage. We got these really fancy wireless microphones. You got to be careful not to drop those. I asked for wired microphones because comedians don't respect expensive microphones, but why would I get what I asked for in advance from a professional festival? That's right, folks. We're at

Whatever Fest, where whatever happens, who gives a fuck? Let's just have fun! Gotta do some Doug's plugs. Los Angeles, Doug Loves Movies is coming back, of course, as it always does, this Tuesday, November 24th at Meltdown

Comics. Wednesday, I'm going to do a stand-up at San Diego at the American Comedy Company. And Doug Loves Movies is back at the Gramercy Theater in New York City on Sunday, November 29th. Douglovesmovies.com. That's Douglovesmovies.com. Are you guys ready to check out what's in the prize bag? Oh, shit, it's a sweet-ass prize bag. I've got, you guys aren't going to believe this. I found this the other day when I was moving all my stuff, and I found this. It's a Star Trek III The Search for Spock shirt.

I could stop there, but why not keep going with more garbage that I don't want anymore? I got a slappy wristband thingy. Yeah, that says house on the end of the street on it. And I tried to give one out last night at Warehouse Live

and I accidentally threw it away. Or I threw it and it fell into a crack and nobody could find it. And then I found out today there was a 10-year-old at that show last night. I'm glad I didn't know that while I was on stage. I wouldn't have said a few of those things.

And the 10-year-old found the slappy thing after the show and got to keep it as a memento of his first live comedy show. We have got oh snap and it is it looks like it's a giant rat trap but it's a it's a thing that you can you know great cut up cheese with it's a cheese cutter it's a cheese cutter yeah I flew all the way to Houston with a cheese cutter. It's a cheese cutter. Yeah, I flewwriter Diablo Cody wrote a book about being a stripper. And I thought, Houston's pretty into strippers.

Yeah. It's called Candy Girl, and it's in the prize bag. She won an Oscar after she wrote this. And no schmovies, no more schmovies. Sorry to break it to you. Let's get my guests out here, you guys. It's three regulars on the show that you guys know and love. Please give a big, warm welcome to Chris Cubis, TJ Miller, and Mark Wahlberg.

Mark Wahlberg. Oh, no. Oh no! Already a mic drop. That's how good Wahlberg is. He's already had a mic drop. Mark Wahlberg drops the mic without even needing to touch it. He just fucking, his presence is a mic drop.

That's how he takes it out of the stand. He just drops it. That's his opener. Doesn't need to say anything, just drops the mic. Let's talk to him first, because it looks like he's got something on his mind. Let's have one more round of applause for Mark Wahlberg, everybody. How you guys doing?

You doing good? You ready to see me win this fucking shit? Of course you're fucking ready. What are you doing in Houston, Mark? I'm here for one reason and one reason only. I'm fucking shooting up for the Texans tomorrow. We're going to do this shit. Oh, Invincible!

Fuck yeah, dude. We're making a sequel to Invincible. I'm going to go back there, I'm going to beat the shit out of JJ Watt. He's going to say, play for me, and then we're going to win the fucking game. You're actually going to play with the team? What's that?

You're going to play with the team? No, dude, I'm going to play by myself. Me against the Jets. And I'm going to win, because fuck New York. Wow, well, to all my friends that listen to New York, I apologize for that statement. Not as a city, just as a sports team.

Oh, okay. Let's say hello to also actually performing at this festival all weekend from Austin, Texas. It's Chris Cubis, everybody. Chris Cubis. What's up Chris Cubis, everybody. Hey. What's up? Cubis. You got shows tonight, tomorrow? I did one earlier, and then I'm doing

a show tomorrow night at 420. Apparently that's the only time. Tomorrow night? It's the best time for comedy. For sure. I feel like I just do enough shows with you now that all my shows just happen at 420. That's how it works. That's how it's going to be.

And you're going to have to live with it. You're going to have to be okay with being off work at six o'clock. High out of your mind. I think I can live with that. It's not a bad way to live. And of course, you guys, it's always great to have him back on the show. In bed by 610, TJ Miller! back on the show. In bed by 6.10,

TJ Miller! Partying by 4.20 in bed by 6.10 p.m. Falling asleep to reruns of 2020 or some other relevant reference. How are you guys? Thanks for having me in Houston.

Now you've got a show in this very tent later tonight. That's right. At 7 o'clock. At 7.10 p.m. An hour past my bedtime. I will be performing here in the comedy tent with the two-speaker ratio. You've got two speakers to every 50,000 people. So

get excited about that. Yeah, absolutely. And barely got here. Doug, thank you for having me. I got delayed. United almost didn't let me get on. So look at my earphones. Do those look familiar? Hey, United, do these earbuds, do they look familiar? Because they're yours, asshole. So because the flight was delayed today or something. I took the United earphones. Can we put them in the prize bag? What's that?

Can we put them in the prize bag? Yeah, that? Can we put them in the prize bag? Yeah, we're going to put them in the prize bag and in addition to a pinata with a lucky holiday... Shut up for a second and let me finish. Along with a lucky holiday $2 bill sticking out of the ass of a miniature pinata. This is the whatever

fest. This is not the concrete name of a fest. This is whatever, man. This is whatever fest. Tuck the ruckus. Let's have some more marijuana. Alright, so bring me the items for the bag, please.

I absolutely did not forget a prize. So somebody's winning a free pass to whatever fest that you're already at. Yeah. From downtown. Maybe you have a friend that couldn't afford a ticket or something. There you go. I got a plus one and nobody I know wanted to come to Houston. Maybe you have a friend who has a hideous scar around their wrist,

and they would love some way to sort of... Yeah, they're a cutter, and now they can hide their shame. Yeah. Dude, I feel bad. Maybe you have a friend who's a cutter. Whatever fest. 2015. Dude, I feel bad.

If you had an extra, you could have given that shit to Donnie, because I'm not fucking bringing it. He's not selling merch. Donnie's not selling merch in the back. Nope. Donnie's on yard duty this week. Are you guys, would you say you're close brothers, like you're close friends?

Yeah, it's like two and a half years, three years apart. That's about it. I mean, yeah, he lives above my garage with Jenny. Other than that, that's about as close as it gets. I told him,

I'm like, you're on Blue Bloods. Tom Selleck is your new brother. Go be with him. Mark, you're a good guy. I'm a great fucking guy. We've been friends for a long time.

This is a two-day pass that Chris is putting in the bag, so maybe whoever wins today may have only bought a ticket for today, so you'll be able to come back tomorrow.

So that's exciting. So far, it's an amazing bag, but I bet you Mark Wahlberg has the piece de resistance. Fucking ain't right, I do, dude.

What are you going to add to the bag? Well, other than the fact that you're all fucking welcome that I'm here, I'm about to change somebody's life right now, and I'm going to add to the bag? Well, other than the fact that you're all fucking welcome that I'm here, I'm about to change somebody's life right now, and I'm going to give you a book that helped me out when I was a little fucking kid fighting my way out of Dorchester.

I'm going to pass this on to you. When you were blinding Chinese immigrants? That is not what happened. That dude lost his eye in Vietnam, and it fell out when he tried to fight me. That is not my problem. If you want and you win this after I win

and you get this fucking book, I'll sign it for you. If you're a girl, if you're a girl, I'll probably fuck you too. Kurt Cameron, Dream Guy. Wow. That fell out of his pocket backstage and I have never been more embarrassed for a person.

You can't explain that. You ever have cocaine fall out of your pocket in a bar and you're like, oh, whatever, that's fine. You can't explain away. Like, you ever have cocaine fall out of your pocket in a bar, and you're like, oh, whatever, that's fine. You can't explain away Kirk Cameron, dream guy. This is some Kirk Kane right here. And you're helping me to do a plug, because I'll be interrupting Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas at CineFamily in Los Angeles on December 16th.

Hey, okay. Some people are really supportive and aren't going to go to the show, but you're like, it's great. I'm sure it will be great. You're really like, I mean, Mark, you're almost identical to the guy that I did Transformers with.

Dude, I am fucking identical to that guy. That wasn't CGI. Can I tell you a secret, though, TJ? Tell me. I saw you backstage. Mark, the last time you said, Can I tell you a secret, though, TJ? Tell me. I saw you backstage. Mark, the last time you said, can I tell you a secret, TJ, was the worst night of my life.

It's not true. It's the worst night that I can never talk about of my life. I know. Because I walked up to you and I said, it's real. No, really.

Up until about 20 minutes ago, because I saw Transformers 4 when we were done, and up until about 20 minutes ago, I thought you were dead, really. Up until about 20 minutes ago, because I saw Transformers 4 when we were done, and up until about 20 minutes ago, I thought you were dead, dude. Oh, you... No, that's just in the... I was fucking worried. I'm like, fuck it, TJ's gone? They're like, yeah, he's really gone, and then I bought it until I saw you today.

I mean, you could have called or asked anybody. In my book, when you're dead, I'm done with you. You know, you have said that for a long time. Since I've known you, Mark Wahlberg's always like, if you're dead, I don't know you. So he won't even talk about Ronald Reagan. Anyway, sorry, Doug.

I don't know who that is. All right. Oh, shit. I did a fun thing today on Twitter. Fun for me, anyway. Sometime this weekend, I'm going to see Bridge of Spies or By the Sea, and I did a poll

on Twitter which movie is less boring and at 786 votes so far Bridge of Spies is winning at 68%

is less boring than By the Sea Bridge of Spies is good Bridge of Spies that's the movie with the dude from the Burbs

yeah yeah Tom Hanks is in that I don't know his fucking name but he crushes the Burbs he did crush the Burbs? Yeah. Yeah, Tom Hanks is in that. I don't know his fucking name, but he crushes The Burbs. He did crush The Burbs.

So fucking good, dude. Mark is on record. Yeah, The Burbs is Mark Wahlberg's favorite movie. Oh my God, when he's like, it was us, Art! Art, it was us! And those little fucking German dudes got blown up. I fucking love that movie. All right.

I saw Bridgespies. Did anyone see Bridgespies? Yes? No? Wow. So it did really well with the younger demographic. Everyone's like, Bridgespies? Whatever. Now this is the kind of crowd that wouldn't want to sit in a warm theater when a

cold tent is an option. Yeah, right. Exactly. I thought it was very good, but by the sea, just by the trailer, I will not see it. Because you're like, when does the lonely fisherman go mad?

And you're like, never. I'm never going to see any of that shit. That's one of those movies where you're watching the trailer and it says Bridge of Spies and at the end you go, oh yeah,

I guess it could be called that. You have no idea what the movie's going to be called. And then when it says Bridge of Spies, at the end you go, oh yeah, I guess it could be called that. You're not, you have no idea what the movie's going to be called. And then when it says Bridge of Spies, you go, alright, I guess so. But By the Sea, right, Angelina directed that, right? Yeah. That's some weird thing. She wrote it too. Yeah, there are

a couple and he has to be like, that's great Angie, I think this is a great script. And she's like, yes it is. At one point I'm like like the lonely fisherman He goes into the sea When will he go mad And Brad's like alright I don't want to have another fight So yeah that's perfect

Okay fine whatever The fucking tabloid Sam Fucking the babysitter I'll do your by the Yeah I'll punch a mirror It looks awful I'll punch anything TJ can you give me a houston yeah houston yeah

hopefully that'll be at least two people's ringtones at some point in reality's future can you imagine if you lived here and every time you got a call what you're out in public is you screaming in their pocket yeah hou, totally. Houston, yeah! What would be much scarier is if I made a device that was a small animatronic me, that people are like, wow, weird ringtone, and then you pull out a kind of a live mini version of me that's like, Houston, yeah! Houston, yeah! And they're like, oh, that's much weirder than a ringtone.

That's what I would like. Jesus. Sounds like a Tales from the Crypt episode. That's the I would like. Jesus. Sounds like a Tales from the Crypt episode. That's the scariest thing I've ever heard. A fucking possessed evil T.J. Miller puppet. Twilight Zone and Tales from the Crypt aren't talked about enough.

T.J., when can we see on the HBO more SV without the U? Silicon Valley, when's it coming back? No, no, no. Hey. I'm not telling anybody when Silicon Valley premieres until I

know how many people in this audience saw Goosebumps. What's the connection? What a bummer for Steven Spielberg that he's like, I did Bridge of Spies and nobody saw it. And Jack Black's like, did you see Goosebumps? And you guys are like, yeah!

In April, right after Game of Thrones will be the premiere of Silicon Valley Season 3. And let me put it this way. Let me put it this way. The gang gets into a few pickles this season. One or more that they can't get out of. Dinesh rapes Guilfoyle. Let that one settle.

Let's see. You guys are like, it's Texas. Come on. But we'll figure it out. I'm testing the waters for the show later. Have you seen a movie more recently than Bridgespies, or is that your most recent movie experience? I like Trainwreck.

Can I tell a real quick story that really is for this? It's just a quick one. So I sold a movie called Ex-Criminals to DreamWorks, and I was in this show called Carpoolers a long long time ago and it's produced by dreamworks and so through that i actually met steven spielberg once and then i met him again at this weird situation then i saw him on the street another time so i sort of in he his wife liked it and so i i after i was in carpoolers in 2007 i started calling steven spielberg's office every month or two and being like,

hey, it's TJ. I know Steven and I haven't been able to connect. I've been super busy. Just tell him, don't worry about it. No rush, no harm, no foul, right? Am I right about that? And their weirdest assistant has to be like, yeah, you're right about that. I'm like, but tell him we'll catch up. We'll get to it. And he, of course, never called back because it was just some joke that I kept calling him. He'd be like, I know he's trying to get a hold of me, but I've been in Europe for three and a half days. Just shit like that.

And he called me back the day after. I called him on the announcement of the thing. So I talked to him, and what he said that I thought was amazing is he saw a train wreck. Have you guys seen Train Wreck? Yeah. Wahlberg, what did you think of Train Wreck? It's fucking

great. He's not talking about Unstoppable. He's talking about the comedy. I thought you were talking about that movie with Chris Pine and the dude from Glory. You have a strange taste in early movies, if you will. Once I see you in one thing, that's what I fucking latch

on to. I fucking love Trainwreck. I thought it was great. I thought it was really, really good. And Spielberg was like, I love that movie. I thought it was amazing. So that's the most recent. Because then we had a poll.

I'll ask this, Doug and everybody in here. What's the last studio comedy that you've seen that was really, really funny? Take Trainwreck out of that equation. Go. I have to answer that right now? Yeah. Or anybody can. The last studio.

What is it? Neighbors. We got a neighbors over here. That's pretty good. Yeah, but was that one that you're like, yeah! Like the hangover. Or when you saw neighbors, were you like, that was good. I don't know.

I was just wondering what the last movie you saw was. I didn't know we were going to go off in this pool of big tent full of people to each yell out a name of a movie. Guys, guys, guys. I was just trying to see if anybody would yell interview and then we slit your throat right then and there. That was the joke.

I like the interview. That's the joke. What's the last movie you saw, Mark? Dude, I just fucking saw Spotlight. Who knew writing about shit could be so fucking awesome, dude? What are you talking about? It's about priests raping. No, but just the pace of writing a fucking story.

They made it fucking great. And it's a great fucking movie. And people in Boston, you know who you are. You should be ashamed of your fucking selves. See, I don't think most people know what Spotlight is even about. It's not titled very well. It should be called Stop the Priest Rapists. Fucking A-Rite it should, dude.

No, it's about how the Boston Globe broke the story about all those motherfucking priests doing shit to kids and then they tore that motherfucker down from the inside. Yeah, they didn't actually. That's the way it should happen, motherfucker. They actually didn't, though. They're still, the Catholic Church was doing just fine. They didn't tear nothing down. They're like, oh, keep fucking kids. That's fine. That's a really good point, though. They're still... The Catholic Church was doing just fine. They didn't tear nothing down.

They're like, oh, keep fucking kids. That's fine. That's a really good point, though. It's called Spotlight. It should be called Spotlight on Priest Rape or anything that has any symbol, but they're just like, Spotlight, come and see what it's about.

Yeah, I thought it was going to be about show business or something. Well, personally, I thought it should have been about this guy from South Boston who becomes a cop, and then he has to save his brother and then like his brother gets kidnapped. So he gets back into the game after not wanting to do it anymore. And then he walks into a room and there's a priest touching a kid and he kills that motherfucker. I saw that. It was called The Happening, Mark. You were in that. What? The Happening?

The Happening was great, dude. I played a math teacher. You breathed very heavy in that, by the way. There's a lot of heavy breathing work in that. There's a lot going on, dude. I had to talk to a fucking plant for 10 minutes. I saw Spectre. Did you see Spectre, Doug? I just wanted the one answer of earlier.

Well, it's the one time I'm on a year, so I thought I'd... Anyway, I'll keep it quiet for the rest. Tell us about every movie you've seen, TJ. TJ, you see The Brave Little Toaster? That's my favorite animated film. It's a fucking great movie, dude. That's a great fucking movie.

What do you think about that, Doug? Brave Little Toaster. I prefer Iron Giant. Yeah. You might as well have said Rocketeer, you piece of shit. I also prefer Big Hero 6. That's as good of a movie as Brave Little Toaster, right? Brave Little Six Hero Toaster?

A guy just yelled out, I think he yelled out, invisible sandwich. I don't know what that means to any of us. Chris, what was the last movie you saw? I saw Hunger Games Mockingjay 2. You saw it already? Yeah, what did you think? It's my birthday. I saw it for my birthday.

Oh, what a treat for yourself. Like a 38-year-old man should. It's on Hunger Games on my birthday. We're going out tonight. Me and a lady. It is going down. It was pretty good. They handled the Philip Seymour Hoffman thing weird.

Why? What's up with him? Oh, he's all right. Hey, once you're dead, I forget about you. Somebody was saying that, like, they should have just replaced him with, like, an equally good, like, Daniel Day-Lewis or somebody. And I was like, no,

because then Daniel Day-Lewis would, like, he'd have to do heroin to know what heroin was like. He'd have to, you know what I mean? Like, he'd have to actually die because he's that method. No, it was good. I kind of wanted them to just do, like, Furious 7's exact ending

and then Philip Seymour Hoffman drives up in a Honda CRX. It's been a long day without you, my friend. And then I cry at Furious 7 because that movie really touched me emotionally. That's the music. Oh, I like that. I like that too. Now's the part of the show where I say,

let the games begin! Uh-oh. People brought name tags, you guys. Shout out to Rockers. You need to go pick your name tags. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. Not another Tuna movie.

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So easy to use. Use Fandango to get tickets in advance for the night before today or any movie you want to see. Download the Fandango app or go online to Fandango.com. Back to the show. Alright. That's a good one though.

Alright, we're back. We were in commercial all that time, TJ. Who are you playing for? I am playing for, because it's timely, I have the hat on for Daredevil, right? Which is a reference. You're making fun of Daredevil because Deadpool does that. So Jared.

All right, great job. Thanks for having me, Doug. I always feel comfortable. Who are you playing for, Mark? Playing for a fucking dragon, dude. Oh. Why didn't, TJ, why didn't you notice this sign? That's, you're in that movie, TJ.

Oh, he's not? I gotta be honest, Doug, I'm so high that I thought this was Deadpool. But it's a play on Daredevil. I saw this, I'm like, that's timely. I'm wearing a Deadpool hat, and now I'm playing for the asshole that did a Photoshop on a fucking

Daredevil poster and taped it, no, hot glued it to a party straw. You know what? Dude, it's going to be okay, dude. TJ, it's going to be alright. It's goddammit. Every day has been another day that sinks lower

than the day that I did Yogi Bear 3D. That was the best time of my life, and now look at me, sitting next to you, you piece of shit. You didn't protect me. You didn't protect me

on the set of Transformers. I fucking care about you. You didn't help me. You left me alone. I was crying in a barn in Texas, Mark, because I was so sad that I couldn't figure out the eyeline for Optimus Prime,

and you didn't help me at all. What do you want me to do, TJ? I want you to live. You got to fucking get yourself together and say, you know what? Look good, feel good. I am taking his GNC supplements. I am taking Mark's.

There you go. And I only drink Aquahydrate. There you go, dude. All right, So short answer Mark's playing for Justin And Who are you playing for Chris? I'm playing for

Sleepaway Del Camp Is your name What's your name? Del Camp That's That's your first name? Ah

Alright Alright that seems crazy They They covered up the dick On the little girl Which is nice but Spoilers for a movie from 1983. But yeah, Sleepaway Delcan.

All right, good luck to all the people whose name tags got selected. Apologies to people who put a lot of effort into theirs and didn't get picked. Where's the guy that was holding up the napkin he wrote something on? Where'd he go? He disappeared. He kept holding it up in my face like I pick a name tag. But I did pick one because not only is this an awesome name tag, it's the Star Wars poster, Episode 4,

and it's Anne, because her name is Anne, New Hope. Yeah! And it's on a box of fucking Shipley Donuts. Yeah! Yeah. And it's on a box of fucking Shipley Donuts. Yeah! Are there donuts in there? And our friend of the show, Will Leonard, is right there with the Amy Adams poster. So gentlemen, pass these down, please.

We'll take turns throwing donuts at Amy Adams' face. Ew! From the eight-point line. We got to save one of these. Don't. We keep hitting Will's face, not Will's face. Hit Amy Adams' face. Yeah, block yourself.

I used to love you. I used to love you in Poison Ivy 2. And then you got all fucking uppity, and you became a David O. Russell in movies. Well, fuck you, Amy. Fuck you. You know what? I think you're a pretty great actress.

Oh my God! I am so sorry. What happened? Did it hit you or no? I am so sorry. You just cra Did it hit you or no? I am so sorry. You just crazed him. You just crazed him. My father never taught me how to throw.

My father said to me, son, look where you want the donut to go and throw it the opposite direction. He also said, I hate you and you'll never be nothing good. For the listener at home, TJ just assaulted somebody. And I. I something on Amy's face for the second time. From the three-point line. Who wants a donut in the back? Yeah, hold those hands up and block your faces. Nice fucking throw and he snagged it.

One hand snag. He fucking snagged that shit. Thanks to Ann and to Shipley's. Thank you, Ann. Let's play some games. We're going to start off with one called Cable Billing.

Cable Billing. This, of course, is just between the three guys on stage. Please don't yell out answers or try to help in any way. TJ? Doug, I'm... You might be new to this game. What's happening? I'm giving my last lucky holiday $2 bill

to the woman that I just assaulted with a donut. It was a man? I'm giving my last lucky holiday $2 bill to the woman that I just assaulted with a donut. It was a man? I'm from Colorado, and we don't take kindly to Texans, but I'm in your... Here, come, come. I'm in your hometown. I'm sorry I threw a donut at you. This is a lucky $2 bill. Spend it on something that you love.

TJ. Spend it on something that you love that costs $2. Yeah, no shit. TJ. No, you put it towards something great, like a $4 Wendy's meal. Dude, how many $2 bills do you have in your wallet? You're like the single uncle everybody has.

I got a fucking $2 bill for you, dude. Everybody's got a single uncle. That's what my uncle used to say. He was really down on himself. Coincidentally, he was a cutter. Are you ready for this game? Yeah! All right, TJ.

You haven't played this one before, so I'm going to explain it to you real quick. No, that's okay. I'll get it. You know how cable companies, when they list a movie, sometimes it's crazy the two actors they choose to name as being in the movie. They often don't pick the leads. Yeah.

I'm going to read a real one from my cable company. And you guys, first person to say the name of the movie out loud into their microphone wins the game. That's a great game. Yeah. So you got to be fast. You got to be ready. These guys are good. What movie on my cable company had the listing of these two names?

Eric Bana and Ben Foster. Sliver. Sorry. It's a good guess. Eric Bana. Hannah. Funny people. Funny people.

And Ben Foster. Eric Bana Hannah Funny people And Ben Foster Uh The assassination Of Jesse James By the coward

The little fellow That is the brother Of the Ben Affleck True regret Is that it No Alpha dog No

Why do I know So many Ben Foster movies I'm decidedly out of Fucking Eric Bana movies I'll tell you that much Eric Bana And Ben Foster Fedora County

Hulk What Incredible Hulk No No fucking Eric Bana movies, I'll tell you that much. Eric Bana and Ben Foster were in this movie. Fedora County. Hulk? What? Incredible Hulk? No. That one was just called Hulk, if you're talking about Eric Bana. Old Country for Young Men. Old Country Buffet. Old Country, that's it. Old Dogs for Young

Men Country. Who is Ben Foster? He's the guy. He often plays bad guys. The mechanic. He's often a villainous character. Oh, Lone Survivor. Lone Survivor.

Lone Survivor is correct. Starring Mark Wahlberg. Mark, you've done a lot of movies, buddy. I get it, buddy. You've done a lot of movies. I usually don't pay attention to who else is in them, though. Except for you, buddy. I get it, buddy. You've done a lot of movies. I usually don't pay attention to who else is in them, though. Except for you, dude. I was fucking terrified when you did it. Fuck yeah.

Alright, so TJ won the first game. That means you get to go first in our next game. Yeah, I'm playing for Dear Deadpool, you piece of shit. This fucking city. You'll hear more about that tonight, Doug. What's going to happen tonight?

I am so pissed at Pete Holmes. We'll talk about it later. Bastard stole my fucking garage key I thought we were going to talk about it later No that was a separate thought You pretty much told us the whole story I'm not talking about Pete Holmes I'm starting a whole different story

Who stole your garage key? This motherfucker Was it Pete Holmes? No different guy. All right, let's play Last Man Stanton. We played this last night on stage inside at Warehouse Live and had a really good time with a drunk guy. He was delightful.

a drunk guy. He was delightful. There's somebody in the audience who had a suggestion for a starter name for this game and that person that I saw on Twitter is WickedD365. Whoa, WickedDick. WickedDick 365 days a year. All the time, WickedDick.

Never touched, never used, always wicked. The wickedest of all dicks is in the audience today. Closed for business all year. Is he from Boston, Mark? Is it a wicked dick? Ah! That was terrible. That joke did not land at all.

But also, the accent I thought was better Bostonian than any I've ever heard. To me, people from Boston do sound like that. Is it wicked dick? Ah. You just yell. They are. They're just screaming at each other. They're either yelling or being racist.

Yeah, they're yelling the N-word mostly, but they yell a lot. Yeah, yeah. No. All right. He won't even touch it. So our friend Wicked Dick is going to suggest an actor or an actress

with a large body of work and then we're going to take turns starting with TJ and then we'll go to Mark and Chris and me. We're going to take turns naming movies that person was in.

If you can't think of one, you're out. You understand, TJ? Yeah, yeah. I've never had a guest pump the name tag as much as you. Yeah. You're very enthusiastic about playing for this guy.

You've never had a guest who assaulted someone with a donut. That is not true. That happens pretty much every episode. That's fairly regular. It's usually not. They usually see it coming, though. You know, this podcast is the reason that Michael Bay and I have a tenuous relationship.

Do you know that? I believe you came on the show and said some things. I didn't say anything. I told a story that was very funny that I thought he would think was funny, too, and he did not. And it's a sad thing. But your podcast has the power to keep a young boy out of a franchise. He would think it was funny, too, and he did not. And it's a sad thing.

But your podcast has the power to keep a young boy out of a franchise. Your character died in the last one. Well, how could you possibly? You're right. The logic of the Transformers is always right on in the sense that I could come back as a Transformer. Let's just move on. Mark, give me a call. We're not moving on. I paid for lunch last time.

You pay this time. I'm calling Bay right now. TJ's back in. Done. You're fucking in, bro. That's how it works. Okay, all right. For the listener at home. Is that easy? That's the power of your podcast. That's the power of your podcast. He fucking knew.

Bay answers the phone ready to go when I fucking call. But if we do this next year, there should be more chairs. I feel bad for all the people who are standing. You know what? I'm going to stand. Let's all stand. That makes one of us. You don't all have to, but I'm going to.

Nah. I don't give a fuck about y'all. I'll stand. Fuck it. Let's do sit going to. Nah, I don't give a fuck about y'all. I'll stand. Fuck it, let's do sit-ups. Oh, really, Diggs? All right, fuck you guys. My man with the red beard. No hair in the way back.

I'm standing for you. Come on in. I'm going fucking one arm. I'm going fucking one arm. This got so weird so quickly. Y'all do sit-ups. Why is this happening? I'm going to do arm. It's got so weird so quickly. Y'all do sit-ups. Why is this happening? I'm going to do some sit-downs.

Ben's in a Wahlberg just pressing it. All right, Wicked D, are you ready? There he is. Who do you got for us? Scarlett Johansson, gentlemen. Here we go. Start us off, TJ. Any Scarlett Johansson movie, don't yell go. Start us off, TJ. Any Scarlett Johansson movie,

don't yell them out in the tent, please. It's just between us. Who? To the death. Who, her? Yes. She is in a film called Her. Good job.

Let's get it done, motherfuckers. What do you got, Mark Wahlberg? The Avengers, Age of Ultron. Rad. Good one. Chris Cubis? The Avengers. Good job.

I'll go with Ghost World. Perdido en Translacion Oh sorry Was that answer lost in translation? Oh He did it again TJ likes to have fun I came to Houston

To do what they brought me here To do I'm out of movies by the way So the next one To do. All right. I'm out of movies, by the way, so the next one. You're out? Really? Don't be mean to me, Doug.

Not on this podcast. Mark. Lucy. What? Lucy. Oh, yeah. Lucy. I? Lucy. Oh, yeah, Lucy. I thought you said pussy, Mark. And I would have believed that as an answer also.

Chef? Oh, yeah, she was a chef. That had a weird response for everyone. I've heard of it. What? I'm thinking about getting a personal chef because I'm not getting enough Iron Man. Oh, she's only in Iron Man 2.

She's in 2? I didn't finish yet. I wasn't finished. Nice try. Doug's out. She wasn't in the first one at all? Black Widow, damn it. I got so cocky. All right, TJ.

There's one movie on the table that you could just grab. No, I know. I mean, now I'm in trouble. I really am. I mean, this is the end of the game. This is match point, but I think that... Oh, match point. Look, look, look.

Here's the... Can I ruin it by doing a second punter? Let's keep the game going. We can keep the game going, but have a good set tonight. Yeah, you're telling me. Mark? Iron Man 3? Yeah, right?

Yeah, I don't know. It's a question. Captain America, the Winter Soldier. Oh! Of course, of course. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, shakalaka. What was that for?

Sure. It was a nice answer. He got one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a little fucking bumbaclot on that. What was that for? It was a nice answer. He got one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a little fucking Bumba Club on that. He won that round. All right, but you're next, TJ.

You know, you always want two, but you should stick with one because there's enough sweetness. Here's the scoop. Scoop. Wow. Long way to go. So funny.

I'm the only one that's like, was she an Iron Man? Just at home jacking off to the Criterion Collection. You piece of shit, TJ. Mark. Fuck movie were you in, Scarlett? What? Dude, I'm out. He's out. You're out? Yeah, dude.

Alright. You never worked with her? I mean, no. Not on film. Oh. Okay. What do you got, Chris? Eight-legged freak. Yeah. No. No.

A young. Yeah. No! A young. Young. Yeah. Young, Scarlett. Later in my set, I'll talk about why that's wrong to do. Shit. Don't yell out answers, lady. You don't understand what's happening.

We'll throw a donut at you. Doug, she was like, help, help. I'm being attacked. Oh, no. Well, shush. We're taping a podcast. Priorities. We're taping a podcast.

Don't disrupt the tape. Yeah, come on, you guys. Be quiet. Don't laugh or applaud either well what do we think just stand there silently what do you got TJ do you have one or no I'm out I was out at Ironman

and what was yours eight legged freaks wow it's another Woody Woody Allen was obsessed and likely having sex with her for a while. But it's like match point scoop. And then what other monstrosity? I think she was in one.

I won't say because I don't want to help anybody. That was it. I would like to. Woody Allen's Jager bombs. Yep. That's my answer. Jager bombs. It's a biopic about Woody Allen's Jager Bombs. Yep, that's my answer. Jager Bombs. It's a biopic about the inventor of Jager Bombs.

It's a sad date rapist at a fraternity house. I like that that girl yelled out, yeah, that was me. As though she said to her friend, hey, I'm going to prove I'm the fucking dipshit that yelled out. I need to make sure that they know I'm the one who yelled when I shouldn't have yelled. God, it's so frustrating. I don't mean to be mean to her, but I can't think of the name of the movie, but all I can think of is how she like tucks her hair

behind her ear and it's just the image that's playing over and over. That's her acting thing and she's like, I'm out. I don't know. You can't remember what movie that was? No, because it's all of them. Do you have another one, Chris? Nope. What was the Coen Brothers one? The man who... The man who wasn't there? No, because it's all of them. Do you have another one, Chris? Nope. What was the Coen Brothers one? The man who...

The man who wasn't there? No. The man who wasn't there? I think so. Yeah, she's in that. Oh, I didn't know. I'm out. God damn it. She's in the Nanny Diaries, of course. Oh, of course. I masturbated to that. What else did we miss, you guys?

What is that? The girl with the pearl earring. The girl with the pearl earring. The girl with the pearl earring. The prestige? The prestige? You're ejected from the festival, sir. If you've seen the prestige, you're ejected from the festival. Police escorted him away.

He paid to see the prestige He's just not that into you The island Zodiac Zodiac Zodiac She's in Zodiac I don't know Zodiac

That was the one I was thinking of Because it's the scene where like They reveal that he killed all those people And she's like... Oh, I thought of another one. The island. Oh, yeah. Your buddy. Who's that? Michael Bay, right?

Yeah, another Michael Bay movie. Don John! Don John! Don John! That's right. She's so hot, Don John. And in that one, she was like, yeah. It's like a Jersey version of pushing the hair back.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. Just hit record. Just keep living. Hit record. All right.

Well, we did a good job with Scarlett Johansson. We worked her over pretty nicely. That was it, though. Don John was the reason. Congratulations, gentlemen. We all really took on Scarlett Johansson. We know her body of work pretty well. You and I especially.

We've seen quite a bit. Well, we're fans. Hey, we're fans. Yeah, so Chris was officially the winner of that one, so he gets to go first in the next game. Let's see how we're doing on time. You guys, can you hang for another half an hour, 40 minutes? All right, here's a game I only play with the best players

because it's too difficult for people to follow. Let's play Build a Title. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's Let's play build a title. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's where we start with a title. Just keep adding titles. And Chris gets to start us off.

And I thought it'd be fun to use a Mark Wahlberg title. Fuck yeah. Today. So Chris, build on the title. Four Brothers. Of the movie. Two Guns. Fear. Fear.

What happened in that movie, Mark? What happened in that movie? I changed Ruth Witherspoon's world for the rest of her fucking life. I was looking for a more specific thing that you did to her. Oh, I went on a rollercoaster. Oh yeah, what'd you do to her on the rollercoaster? You gave her a little, uh...

One of these. You gave her... Yeah, I went finger digging in a flesh canal. I wasn't going to expect you to be so crude about it. I love that about Mark, though. He fingers with abandon. All right, Chris. Then I beat up the dude.

You need a movie that ends in fear or begins with fear. Cape Fear. Cape Fear. I love it. Excellent job. So now, Mark Wahlberg, you need a movie that ends in cape or begins with fear. Somebody in the audience is saying a title out loud. Please stop doing that.

Don't be that person. Stop being that person. It's bad. No one asked you. What did he say? He said a real title. He said the title, I swear to God, I was going to say. Yeah.

Cape Fear and Loathing. You need the whole title. In Las Vegas. Okay. Cape Fear and Loathing in need the whole title in Las Vegas okay Cape Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas there you go so now TJ Miller

needs a movie that starts with Vegas or ends with Cape you know what there isn't one unless there's a movie called Vegas

Cape Fear which there is and Loathing in Las Vegas I got one for each yeah no Vegas huh has to start with Vegas right or end in Cape Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I got one for each. No, Vegas.

Huh? That's to start with Vegas, right? Or end in Cape. Yeah, the movie Vegas. That doesn't work. There's a TV show called Vegas. Yeah, there's also a movie. What, like with Elvis or something?

Yeah. Now we're going to play a game called Build a Title where you have to add more words. You can't just repeat the last word. There's probably also a movie just called Cape. All right, either first one Vegas or last one Cape. Yeah. I told you this was a tricky game. It is.

It's not TJ! Quiet. But thank you for your support. She's just supporting you, yeah. You're the best, shut the hell up! You got anything? It has to end in cape?

I don't think I have anything. Or, you know, cape has to be the last part of a word. Oh, really? Yeah. The great caper. No. Last part. Also, what is that movie?

It's the greatest caper movie of all. Jesus. The great Muppet caper? God, hey, use Netflix for once. Alright, so TJ's out. I am out. We move on to Mark. Wait, which way were we going?

Yeah, it's... Chris. Sorry, Chris. It's me? Yeah. Cape Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Vacation. Yeah. Vegas Vacation.

You fucked me again, Vacation. Wait, when did Vac vacation fuck you before? European. European. All right, so we're on to Mark Wahlberg. You need something that begins with cape or ends with, I mean begins with vacation or ends with cape.

Cape Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, vacation golden pond. Sean Golden Pond? Vacation Golden Pond. Vacation Golden Pond. Sean Golden Pond? Vacation Golden Pond. If anyone can do it,

Mark Wahlberg can. I'll go the other way if you want, dude. I don't give a fuck. I can't really let that one go because... Vacation Golden Pond. Who says they're going on a vacation? Vacation. Vacation Golden Pond. Who says they're going on a vacation? Vacation. Vacation Golden Pond. Who says

Un-Golden Pond? If he could do that, I was going to do Vegas Boot. Das Boot? No, that's even worse than his. Yeah, it is. Chris, do you have anything to add I will no I do

what yeah I can keep fucking going if you don't allow that no no that's a wrong answer so we just you're out so you're out I would

I got a blocker on the cape fear the cape the cape we don't really like to use words like that. Okay, well then I got No Escape Fear in Las Vegas. Yes, No Escape.

No Escape. I could have done that. I didn't, okay. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Vacation. I'm sorry, Jared. I'm sorry. These games don't count. You're fine.

Well, now that you understand, let's bring you back in. Give us one that ends with a no or begins with vacation. Vacation Golden Pod. That'd be really fucked up if I accepted it now. I got it, I got it, I got it.

Kay Pond Golden Pond. Yeah? Am I winning, Doug? You're getting worse at this game. I got it, I got it, I got it. The Island with Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson, Golden Pond. Yeah!

Do you have one more, Chris? Vegas. So what was it? No Escape, Fear, and Loathing in Las Vegas, Vacation Stoppable. Shunstoppable? Un. Vacation. I like it. Can I give Un. Yeah, Un. I like it. Vacation Unstoppable.

I like it. Can I give you my other one now? I like it. What? Can I give you the one I would have fucking done if you didn't like that one? Okay. Can I do one? Cape Fear and Loading in Las Vegas Vacation of the Dead.

How about this? That's the same problem. How about this? How about this? Who says Vacation? Vacation of the dead. It's not named son of the dead. Dr. No.

Cape Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas spotlight on priest rapists. Does that count? Let me check. Nope. It just says right there, if TJ asks anything, say nope. Check. Nope.

Can you add anything to Unstoppable? Unstoppable? Yeah. Unstop Abel and Cain? So the answer is no, you can't add anything to Unstoppable? The answer is yes, you haven't read the Bible. Vegas Vacation Unstoppable-y.

Unstoppable Durham. Unstoppable? Unstoppable. Yeah, bully, that's right. Unstoppable Durham. Unstoppable Durham, Unstoppable Durham. That's good. I could do this all fucking day.

You guys are missing a good one on the other end, though. Doctor No Escape. Yeah. Which I said 10 minutes ago. Love Doctor No Escape. Love Doctor? Love Doctor. What was Love Doctor?

A movie. Mike Myers, right? That was Love Guru. That was Love Doctor? A movie. Mike Myers, right? That was Love Guru. That was Love Guru. Yeah, never mind. I love that moment, Chris. He's like, I can't help you. If it's not Love Guru, I can't help you, buddy.

That's the only movie I know. For the listener at home, we have derailed. For the listener here, it's going fine. It's going fine. Also, you can't see it, but two people went into a porter potty 25 minutes ago and they haven't come out how do you know they haven't come out i like looking over like the like the beard area over there just how casually people are not paying any attention to what we're doing. It's a little bit of that. Oh, the port-a-potty people are waving. Hey,

port-a-potty! How many of you guys are going to do something dirty in there? That includes going to the bathroom. Who's going to take a shit? No. That guy is dying to take a shit.

Let him to the front of the line. He's got to go bad, ladies. The ladies are probably just going in there to fix their makeup. In the dirty porta potty with no mirrors. I just need to go somewhere that smells terrible and put my makeup back on. I got to go smell the smell of smells terrible and put my makeup back on.

I gotta go smell the smell of human waste and fix my eyeliner immediately. Any girl that would do anything cool and sexy in a porta potty is a pretty down chick. Talkin' A, dude. Right, Mark? Don't you think? I fuckin' completely agree with that. You ever done anything dirty in a porta potty? You ever hooked up, had sex in a porta potty?

Oh, yeah. Lilith Fair, 1997. Me and Lucy Lawless got fucking weird. Whoa. Got a porta potty. Cena, the warrior princess? Yeah. Lucy Lawless.

And Lilith. Cena, the warrior princess. Did she have a band? Was she in a band? I don't remember. She was just fucking hanging out. I was there opening up for She was in a band. Was she in a band? I don't remember. She was just fucking hanging out. I was there opening up for the Counting Crows.

It was a big, bad booking accident. Wait, Marky Mark and the Counting Crows were on a Lilith Fair show? It was a big... The one time I let Donnie fucking schedule shit. You have a contentious relationship.

I'm up there fucking singing on a parking lot and shit. It was a contentious relationship. I'm up there fucking singing out of parking lot and shit. It was fucking crazy, Joe. Let's play reverse malting, you guys. Woo! I'm bad at regular malting, so maybe reverse malting will be great.

I think you're going to be terrific at it and fun to watch even if you're not. And it smells great in this tent by the way. Word. Word to everybody that's making that smell happen.

Find us after the show. It's almost like a weed that smells blocking us from having to deal with the port-a-potty smell. They're also blocking us from all those cops that are just looking into the tent right now. Shout out to... Sorry, fellas. Shout out... Don't find

me after the show. I apologize. Shout out... Shout out to Tuck the Ruckus. Wouldn't that be funny if a cop just tapped you on the shoulder and went, I'm waiting for that apology. I'll take it to jail. All right, but really, though, they are here, so let's...

For real, shut up. All right, well, let's play. So Chris Cubis won that last game. I did. Yeah, and we'll... Quite handedly, I might say. Yeah, you did a great job. And we'll switch the order around,

so we'll go to Mark second on this game. And reverse Malton's just like the old Malton game, but instead you have to bid on how many names from a movie you think you can name. And Chris gets to pick between the first three movies. And then I'll tell you how many people are listed in the cast by Leonard Malton. You don't have to name them in order, but when it gets to you, you have to bid how many you think you can name. And how many people can you you or which one of these movies can you name the most people chris cubis the natural field of dreams or major league oh shit that's bad across

the board uh major league okay major league leonard lists seven names, ten people from the motion picture, the original Major League from 1989. How many of those can you name for us, Chris Cubis? I can name three names from Major League. He says he can name three names from Major League. TJ Miller, can you name more or do you challenge him to name three? I can do four. He says he can do four.

I can definitely do four. And I know he's got three. You're not going to admit it. So, Mark. That'd be crazy. Can you go more than four, Mark Wahlberg? I can definitely name four. Do you know what this movie is?

Do you know what this movie is? Major League? It's a fucking great movie Save baseball Why uh It's a documentary About the Cleveland Indians You've never done A baseball movie have you?

What's that? You've never done a baseball movie No but I've done a ton of movies Where I beat people with bats That wasn't movies Again that was A Chinese immigrant in Boston First of all

He's Vietnamese. I'm not going to tell you this again. He lost his eye in the war and it fell out when he tried to stop me from stealing an old glass bottle of Gatorade. Those were the best bottles. What do you got? Can I do five?

How many? Can I do five? Yeah. Yes, I can do five. He says five names, Chris. I got to go name it because I can't name six. Yeah, Chris. Get him.

All right. Go on then, Mark. If Mark can name five names, he gets a point. If he can't, Chris gets a point. We're playing to two points. For the record, when we started this, I thought I could only name two. Did I get a point? And then I used my Wahlberg power and upped that shit to five.

Let's hear it. Name five names. Wesley Snipes, Tom Barringer, Charlie Sheen, Bob Buecher. Wait, slow down a second. What the fuck? You said go, bro, and I fucking go hard. I can't even look down yet and you're three names in. Say them again.

Wesley Snipes. Dennis Haysbert. Tom Berenger. Bob Uecker. And Charlie Sheen. That's five names. That's five names. That's five names.

Wahlberg. Wahlberg. Wahlberg. Wahlberg. Wahlberg. Wahlberg, Wahlberg, Wahlberg. Dennis Hainberg. That's a good quote. Come on, feel it, feel it. It's happening.

It is fucking happening right now. It is. M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong. How about that Charlie Sheen news just speaking to him? Isn't that crazy? I mean, it's not that. Some of the audience just yelled out, AIDS!

Couldn't be happier about it. He doesn't have AIDS. And I'm going to say this. It's fucking real for a second. Charlie Sheen, I've met him a couple times. I've punched him four times. That's it.

We're in love with him. But I'm fucking proud of him for just going out and saying it. Because anybody who tries to take money from you, you look at them and you go, you know what? Go fuck yourself.

That's what I say to Donnie. And that's what he said to those girls who tried to fucking take money from him. What? Talk about the blackmailers. The fucking blackmailers. Fuck those people. Huh? Okay.

I guess some people are going to try to get money out of Charlie Sheen. Like, he's paid off some people over the years. Keep that quiet. Yeah, you got to keep it hush. Like, it's just weird. Like, can you imagine being Charlie Sheen? Like, how do you break it to a woman that you're trying to get with? You know, what do you say?

I have major league games. If you're Charlie Sheen, you don't ever break it to the woman. And also, if you're going to fuck Charlie Sheen, like, just make the assumption. Yeah, what are you doing? She wasn't like, first let's exchange tests. No. She's doing coke in a hotel bathroom that he trapped her in, and now

we're going to bang. Is he also the only case in medical history that is a fit exactly 50-50% chance of contracting it from sex or intravenous drugs i mean there is that is a coin toss right there that guy shot more drugs and fucked more pussy than well mark walberg allegedly you shoot drugs you do needle drugs what's that do you no fuck that shit dude i don't do any of that you know what i do i do a drug called cardio that is true

how many one-arm push-ups can you do infinity wait it's bigger than infinity it's like yeah it is it's kind of like fuck infinity that's how much it is

infinity alright TJ you were left out of that last skirmish and of course Mark Wahlberg got a point

for his troubles and we're gonna start with you on this next round you get to pick between three films. Which one of these do you think you know more of the actors and actresses that are in it?

Doug, it's really been fun being on your show. Why did you throw that in there? I'm just saying. Thank you for having me. You could do that at the end. Okay. I'll do it again at the end. Hey, Doug?

Doug? Yes. You're welcome for having me on your show. I appreciate it. Doug, thank you for having Mark on the show. Here's your three films. For the listener at home, TJ knows what's up. If you're listening at home, I'm very grateful to Doug.

Do you want those names now? Sure. Here we go. Okay. The names or the movie? Three movies. Okay. TJ gets to pick one.

Between The Paper, The Rock, No! or Edward Scissorhands. How could it have been? Can you give them to me again? The Paper, starring... Oh, I shouldn't say that.

The Rock, starring... I'm going to stop myself. Or Edward Scissorhands. How could it have been? The Rock. You're going The Rock? You're talking about the movie star, right? Yes

How many people have been in The Rock? He's also not a movie star He was a background actor on Pain and Gain I'm the fucking movie star Well, but I thought Aren't you a producer on his TV show? Yeah, I am, because he works for me. All right, The Rock from 1996.

Leonard lists a whopping... 14 names. Yeah. How many of those do you think you can come up with, TJ? One. Solid opening bid. Solid opening bid. Hey, and let me put it this way.

There is a chance that the cast of The Rock that I'm thinking of is actually the cast of Con Air. Go. Who knows what's going to happen in Houston tonight, baby. All right, so... Who knows what's going to happen in Houston tonight, baby? All right, so... It goes to me. It goes to Chris now, yeah. I got four.

I got four on it. He's going to put a four on it, Mark. How many can you do? As much as I would love to say the words, I got five on it. I'm going to say name that movie, dude. Oh, okay. You've got to name those names. You've got to name four people.

Nicholas Cage. Out of 14. Sean Connery, Ed Harris, Tony Todd. Tony Todd? The black guy that played Candyman is in that motherfucker. That's awesome. Don't say his name three times.

Or do. I'd kind of like to meet him. Say his name three times. Well, damn it. Tony Todd, Tony Todd, Tony Todd? Nope. Comedian Anthony Clark was in there. Bokeem Woodbine. Yeah. John C. McGinley. Bokeem Woodbine, Joaquin Phoenix's second cousin.

Did you know that? That is absolutely not true. Bokeem Woodbine, Joaquin Phoenix's second cousin. Did you know that, Bokeen? That is absolutely not true. Bokeen and Joaquin grew up together. Oh, that's true. Joaquin, hand in hand. Who's the, uh... Oh, what? You guys gonna boo that? I'm the Boo-King. I'm the king of boos.

Fuck you. Spell it with a Z and meet me out back for a fist fight, you piece of shit. Fuck yeah, dude, let's fight people. We're already outside and you want to meet out back? Meet me inside. Let's finish this. We'll settle this indoors.

Meet me at Sticky Chicken's food truck at 6.10pm I'll be sleepy but you'll be dead in 15 minutes you human sorry Mark that was fucking great dude that's how you street talk a fight Chris Cubis has a point

how do I come back to win this thing I'm sorry how do I come back to win this thing? I'm sorry? How do I come back to win this thing? Still don't know what you're saying. I want to come back and win this whole thing. Oh, you might come back and win it. Yeah, do I have a chance at winning this entire competition? You do.

Great. Hey. Hey, Doug. Yeah. Thanks for having me on the podcast. Hey, Doug. Thanks for having TJ on the podcast. Hey, Doug. Thanks for having TJ on this podcast. It was fun.

Which one of these three movies could TJ Miller name the most actors and actresses from? Mark Wahlberg. I got to tell you the three movies first. Okay. And then it will go to Mark next.

House Party, House Party 2, or House Party 3? Woo! Woo! I mean, I'll kick it OG with House Party. Okay, House Party from 1990. House Party 3 was just all Gilbert Gottfried and Eugene Levy and CGI and fat

suits. I'm really proud of that joke. Thank you, Chris. I'm really proud of that joke. Eugene Levy really made a fucking career in the 90s of just being an uncomfortable white guy around black music. That was his whole thing. Just him and Queen Latifah in every fucking movie.

Excuse me. It's a little loud. For my taste. But I can booga-suga-booga when I need to. And he awkwardly dances. And he cabin patches and it's like, oh, they've unity or whatever. Everyone's like, that goddamn idiot. And then he gets his dick sucked later, probably.

I write a lot of erotic fiction. Sorry, go ahead. Seven names. How many of the seven stars of House Party can you name? You're going Dose? He's going Dose and I have a question

about the two. Do you need the real name? I need their given name. No! Good luck with that, brother. I might be able

to pull Ted but nobody knows Clay's name. I think it's Steven. Okay, hang on. We go to Mark Wahlberg now. What's your, how do you feel about House Party? Fucking great movie, dude.

I could name so many people in this movie. Leonard Maltin called it infectiously good natured. Good God, what does that mean? Everyone is like, this is really good natured. That's what I, that's how I describe you, TJ. You're infectiously good natured. And everyone you describe that to tells someone else.

You're so happy, it makes me sick. See, I want to tell TJ to name it just so I can hear him say John Malkovich and Nick Cage. Still on that Con Air nut. So I'm going to do it. Oh, man. I got so many house party names. We'll get a three-way tie if he pulls it off. That's pretty dope.

Name two people from house party, TJ, and you brought this game to a very exciting three-way tie. Now, let me ask you this. Is this the remake or the original of house party? I don't think there was a remake. It's a 1939 original starring Cary Grant. I don't think there was a remake. It's a 1939 original starring Cary Grant.

As the uncle, later played by, I can't say, because he might be in this movie. Oh, God damn it. I know so many people in this movie. Name two people from House Party. Steve Martin and Queen Latifah. I'm fucking with you. Kid and play. It's not bringing down the house party. Kid and play, but I have to get their real names?

No. Oh. Although, for the record, Doug, you guys just did a sweet reverse build a title that nobody gave you credit for. We did. We reversed it. So he can take kid and play?

Yeah. That's awesome. Three-way tie. I wanted him to say their real names, but I love a three-way tie. I don't know who the other... No one knows Play's name. Yeah. Christopher Reeve and Christopher Martin.

There you go. That's probably why he went by Kid and Play, because they're friends. Gina Campbell, John Witherspoon, Robin Harris, George Clinton. Yeah! That movie's my Citizen Kane! Okay, dude. Let me ask you this, Chris. Is that the one with Bernie Mac? Where he's the uncle?

Yeah, yeah, he's not the uncle. He's like one of the party guests. He gets drunk and they gotta leave him in the park. The best fucking motivation you'll ever need in your life is go watch that scene where he looks right at, is it kid that he looks at? And he goes, if somebody don't like you for who you are, fuck them.

Tell them to go fuck themselves if they don't like you for who you are. And everybody should be living by that. You're welcome. Mic drop. Dainty mic drop. And Mark is out of the game because he's not putting his mic back up. And Mark gingerly drops the microphone.

I love that. Yeah, bitch. These mics are expensive. Fuck all of y'all. It's the saddest one. It's kind of nice to do though, isn't it? Yeah, it is. You're right, it is fucking nice. How come, you know,

it's the new thing now is you just, you throw the microphone up instead of dropping it. You're like, yeah, bitch. Put that in your pipe and figure out how it'd fit in a pipe that size. I think you'd want to try to hit the ceiling with it so it'd still make a mic drop sound, but in the opposite direction. Don't do it now.

No, of course not. This guy, do it! It's an angle. It'll certainly hurt someone. Already a girl has a bruise from a donut, which I hate that you have to go to your friends and be like, it's not, he's not hitting me. Listen, I was at whatever fest. DLM.

So who challenged TJ to make that tie happen? I did. You did, all right. So Chris Cubis gets to go first in the tiebreaker round. This is going to decide who wins the game. Jared Deadpool. Let's make it fast,

because I got to pee. Hit it. We still got a little time left. It'll be cool to combine them. No, it's all good. Dare Deadpool. Dare Deadpool. I dare you to see Deadpool.

I picked the movie. Yeah. Ahead of time. Oh, boy. For the tiebreaker. Is it Hook? This one's been loaded for a while. Mark's got a point.

Is it Hook? Nope. This one's been loaded in for a while, and, you know, I don't know who the panelists are going to be, and sometimes things just come up by chance. House Party 2. Yes! God damn it, that's his citizen case. Nope, nope. Not House Party 2.

It's Class Act. Oh, Jesus. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Doug, can I ask you a quick question? Yeah, please. Do you want to do a line? No. Yeah.

They do. We'll do it later. All right, do one, do one. Okay, you ready? Yeah, please. Do you want to do a line? No. They do. We'll do it later. Alright, do one. Do one. Okay, you ready? Yeah. Look good, feel good. You're not ready. Where's your hand? It's between two pillows. Those aren't pillows, those are my trains and automobiles.

It is planes, trains, and automobiles. Alright, now sit down. Good job. I picked the movie. And this, don't yell out, you guys. This is just between the people on stage.

But Chris gets to go make the first bid. And then we go to Mark. And the movie is Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Woo! All right. Hold the fuck on.

And Leonard lists nine names. How many do you think you could name, Chris Cubis, for the possible win? Hold the fuck on. Shut up.

This was my house party. And Citizen Kane was my Friday. Thank you. Kevin Speecy, Alex Baldwin. and Citizen Kane was my Friday. He's figuring it out. He's doing the math. I'm going to go five and see where we go from there.

All right. He's saying five out of nine, Mark Wahlberg. Think you could do more? I'm trying to think right now. Chris, please don't look at your phone. It's just Facebook. Mark Wahlberg. Think you could do more? I'm trying to think right now, dude. Chris, please don't look at your phone. It's just Facebook.

I know. Nobody's talking about fucking Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross on Facebook right now. That would be weird. It's not trending. If there's just a list of cast members popped up on your Facebook. Hey, somebody Facebook me the list of cast members from Glenn Gary, Gary Ross real fast

can you do more than five Mark I know I'm right I'm right fucking half I really think if we went with Hook this could go a lot better you really like Hook well I just wanted to say Dante Bosco's name

because he killed it as Rufio you fucking know Rufy no is my anti-rape campaign he should do like a PSA like against Rufy Rufy no

he'd be like I want to talk to you about Rufy no for one second Rufy dad ho is a very good song by Big Crit ah fuck dude

what other white guy is in that movie? All of them. Literally everyone. Can you do more than five? No, dude. All right, so Chris Cuba's name is five. He's our winner today.

Alec Baldwin, Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Ed Harris, Kevin Spacey. That's correct. You can't think of one more. Who's the, who? Can Mark think of one more? If I could have, I would have fucking said six, bro. Yeah. TJ?

Scarlett Johansson. Fuck yeah, Toad. Yeah. Ben Kingsley. No, it's one of the Melinas. Isn't there a Melina in that movie? Wow, that's really... You all just know those five names.

Who's the sad sack? Alan Arkin. Alan Arkin, that's what I'm thinking of. And Jonathan Pryce, Bruce Altman, and Jude Chicolella. No one knows it. What? Stop making up names, Doug. That's the couple that Jack Lemmon goes and tries to sell.

Ah, Patel. Fucking Patel. You know, I could have done that if I would have had the leads. If I would have had the leads, I would have fucking been able to get that one, dude. Well, that's great. Chris Cubis is our winner, you guys. Woo! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bop, bis is our winner, you guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Bop, bop, bop, bop. Where's the person you were playing for, Chris? Right there. Okay, right up front. Here you go, man. Congratulations. Jared Deadpool. Congratulations, Sean Golden Pie.

Thanks, dude. He's got a shithead on the song. Congratulations, Sean Goldenpaw. Thanks, dude. It's got a shithead on the back. Good job. Oh, that's an interesting shithead. I helped this guy out. Yeah, it's a good one. Is it? Yeah.

It's a good local reference? Well, I can't tell if Justin painted you or Will Wheaton on that fucking thing. Look at it. It's got a Will Wheaton quality to it. It's true. But let's quality to it. It's true. But let's do some plugs. What do you got to plug, TJ? I'm doing a tour leading up to an HBO special

called Meticulously Ridiculous. Fuck yeah, dude. Nationwide. Go to TJMillerDoesNotHaveAWebsite.com for that and all other subsequent tour dates. Silicon Valley premiering, season three, premiering in April. Daredevil, oh, sorry, Deadpool,

bows February 12th, which is very exciting. And Goreburger, if you haven't seen it. Goreburger. Google it, G-O-R Burger anybody seen Gore Burger that's going to be a show

on Comedy Central so we're very excited about that and I don't know I'm having I had three kids in the last

18 months all of them premature anyway thanks okay thank you guys so much for having me thank you guys so much and I guess one more plug

Doug here's a plug for Doug he's the greatest guy ever thanks for having me. Thank you guys so much. And I guess one more plug. Doug, here's a plug for Doug. He's the greatest guy ever. Thanks for having me on the show. Thanks for being here, TJ. Thank you so much for having me, Doug. Mark Wahlberg, what do you got to plug, buddy? What's going on, dude? We're going to do a couple shows and fix this fucking world. December 8th, I'm going to be at UCB, 7 o'clock in Los Angeles. If you don't live there, congratulations. But if you do, come to that fucking show. And then, just announced, San Francisco Sketch Fest. The 22nd of January, I'm going to be up there doing that same exact show on Friday night with some great fucking people.

And I hope you guys come check it out. Other than that, Doug, you're welcome. I'm a great fucking guy. Thank you, Mark. Ginger mic drop. Thank you, Mark. Ginger mic drop. Thank you, gentle mic dropper. I'm also in Chicago Sketch Fest, the group Heavyweight. We're doing it this year, January 1st.

That's too bad. No more plugs. You can cut it out. Sorry, you're done. Thank you, Doug. Thank you for having me. You're done. Thanks.

No more plugs for you. Thank you. I am also at SF Sketch Fest on the 22nd. Doing a dozen at the Punchline, so come see that. Oh, that's a tough choice people are going to have to make. Nah, it's at different times, I'm sure. And then check out my podcast, Canceled. We do TV shows that only last in a season.

Not one person listens. Thank you very much. We're doing Lone Gunman right now. We're following it up with Eerie Indiana, so that's going to be a good time. Check that out. And at midnight in January with you. Yeah, I so that's going to be a good time. Check that out. And at midnight in January with you.

Yeah, I think we're going to be on the same episode. It's going to be fun. I've created a monster, and now I have to fight it. Kathleen McGee. Fuck her. I love it. Thanks to all of my guests for being here. I'm going to be at the Irvine Improv

on Monday, December 28th. And a little new thing I like to try to do on the show. Each of you guys think about it and tell me if you've got one. I like to do hashtags that describe something that happened during the episode.

And I'll give you some examples I came up with. We could do hashtag donut assault. Hashtag uncle cutter. Or of course hashtag gentle mic drop. Or maybe hashtag

perdido en translacion. What was that? Nothing. It got lost in translation. Go ahead. Oh, shit. Mark, do you have a hashtag for tonight's show? Hashtag port-a-potty sex. Oh, that's a good one. That's a really good one.

What about you, Chris? Hashtag house party. What about it? It's too long for a hashtag. Hashtag house party is my citizen cane. Who's typing all that? I love that. HP is my CK.

HP is my citizen Kane. Who's typing all that? I love that. I love that. HP is my CK. HP is my CK. That'll work. All right. Thank you all very much for coming. Thank you. Whatever fest. Thank you, Houston. What up, Houston?

Thank you, Houston. Come back. I'll be here at seven o'clock. Seven o'clock. Right here. Hashtag Donut. Donut Assault. And as always,

Greg Abbott is a shithead. He sucks dick. Okay. Says it sounds like such a bad guy. And no one is a shithead. Come on. Pray for peace, motherfuckers. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.

Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess Makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies