Doug Loves Movies - Todd Glass, "Mark Wahlberg" and Chip Chantry guest

Episode Date: February 19, 2017

Live from Goodnight's Comedy Club in Raleigh, Doug welcomes Todd Glass, "Mark Wahlberg" and Chip Chantry to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth They're still not warm and he won't sleep The Doug Nolts movies Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey Hey, hey, hey everybody I've been doing this a long time And I know when a microphone has an on-off switch on it, I find it, and then I do some business.

My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is I Love Movies! Coming to you once again from Good Nights Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina! Carolina! It's Saturday, February 18th, 2017, and I think I smell some name tags. Oh, yes I do. I love how you just held it up briefly and put it back down. He saw it, and now he's done with it. The force awake, Kenny.

Good job. Wait, Alana Land? Alana Land? Where's Jenna La Land? Where's she at? I just put yours on Instagram. There's another one just like you right up front. Sorry.

But you didn't put my face over Ryan Gosling's face, which is sacrilege, but Jenna did it. Thank you. We dance very well together. Oh, Star Wars. There's a lot of Star Wars. You guys think Jacob Searoff's going to show up today? What's, Ashley?

And you changed Splash to Splashly. I like that. Haven't seen that before. Flight of the Matigator. That's good. Especially if there was an actual alligator in it. Whoa, this guy's got, here, pass that up here. Look at this shit.

I just couldn't decide. So I just made a bunch of posters. I hope this doesn't become a trend. What's your name? Dave, Dave of the Dead. All right, Dave.

That's hilarious. Bubble Dave. You guys saw him. Tim and Eric's billion dollar Dave. How do you choose which one to flash when the people are looking at name tags? Oh, there's another Star Wars one just lit up real bright.

Whose face is really big? Is that Jacob's head really big? I'm pandering back. Yeah, yeah, you tried. But he's not here today. The entire state requested he not return. North Carolina is anti-Star Wars prequels. Oh, lots of good ones out there, and good luck to everybody.

Oh, shit, yeah, they just keep lighting up. Deathproof instead of deathproof, I like it. Oh, there's another La La Land over there. What'd you change it to? La La Lane? Lang? Okay. it well there's another la la land over there what'd you change it to la la lane lang okay that's your last name okay i get it yeah what's up dude no yelling out during the show does that does that dog's purpose say a doug's purpose on it Does that dog's purpose say a Doug's purpose on it?

I like it. I like it very much. All right, you can turn your lights on. So many lit up ones. You guys know how dark it is in here and that the guy who turns the house lights up takes a break for the whole show. Doug plugs. Doug Loves Movies is back at UCB Franklin this Tuesday at 9.30.

And I know you guys aren't in L.A., but if you have a chance to get out there, if you have like a free flight or something, oh my God, it's really going to be an interesting one. Historic, I dare say. And it's not Emile Hirsch. I don't think he's ever going to come on. Monday, February 27th is the premiere of my

new Comedy Central show, The High Court, at midnight, after at midnight. I'm a judge now! I'm sick, also. What else have I got here coming up? Oh, Tuesday, March 1st, I'm doing stand-up in Tampa at the Improv there in Florida, Tampa, Florida.

And there will be a game at the end. Some of you came to the show here Thursday night, the stand-up show, and we played a massive game of Last Man Stanton, and I'll do that again in Tampa for everybody that brings name tags. And then we also got shows coming up in Portland, Oregon,

Rosemont, Illinois, Boston, New York City, and for deets of all my tour dates, go to douglasmovies.com. That's douglasmovies.com! You guys are the best. From the corrections department, Eugene Levy is not in mascots.

And Jason Lee is in Jersey Girl. So there. Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. At Billy Bonnell, who's been on the show before, he tweeted, the crazy thing about life

is you never find out if they survive driving off that cliff at the end of Thelma and Louise. This has been Tweet Relief Life's a Mystery Edition. First of all, let me take a tissue to my runny nose because that's disgusting.

And then let's look at what's... Then I'm going to touch with my disgusting hands every item that's in the prize bag. Oh, shit. Dropped my very expensive sunglasses. Alright.

All the prizes are in a lovely tote that I got when I went to a premiere party for the new Pete Holmes HBO show, Crashing. There's Pete on the cover of the front of the bag, so you get that. And then you also get a Douglas Movies t-shirt

and a hold your applause till the end, and a Peacemaker pipe and oh, my nose is so runny. This is so annoying. Okay. Like, you guys would rather we do a show than me cancel it because I'm sick, right?

That's what I thought. I sort of felt that way about it. Oh, a guy that was on the show recently, David Deary, he makes little, he writes stories and makes little books, and he gave me one. I read it on the plane and enjoyed it very much. And then, oh,

a $25 gift card from iTunes so you could purchase premium episodes of Douglas movies or buy something else with it. I heard lemonade is very good. And a

poster for the IMAX version of Lego Batman. All of that, plus what my guests bring today. And I've got three lovely gentlemen coming to the stage. So please give a big, warm, good night's welcome to Todd Glass, Chip Chantry, and Mark Otter-Walberg. Wow. All right, such a polite group. Nobody wins the Pete Holmes Award. So let's meet them individually, starting with our newbie.

It's Chip Chantry, everybody. Yes. I can't get what I was doing wrong. I know. I'm already bombing. I'm already bombing. It's good to be here, Doug. Thank you so much.

First time on the show. Yes. Philadelphia comedy phenom. That's right. 215. Opening for Todd Glass here at Good Nights all weekend long. I am. I am. I'm excited.

I used to work with Todd a lot. Isn't it terrible? Isn't it just one of the worst things? Don't try to be funny. Tell him the truth. Yeah. Straight up truth. Tandy truth.

He's a great man. And he threw me 50 extra bucks, not to say too much. But he's a great guy. And just come to the show tonight and you'll see. And then hang out with me in the back. Because I usually don't stick around for his set. I just go downstairs and have a drink while he's on. So just come hang out with me down there.

Chip is very nice. I complain about the same things 24 hours a day. while he's on. So just come hang out with me down there. Chip is very nice. I complain about the same things 24 hours a day, and he's always so fucking nice. I go, I talked about this before. He goes, you did, but it's all right. I'm like, thank you. Now, Chip, you know this is a podcast, and we need verbal jokes.

I know. I apologize. We need some verbal humor. Let's say hello to him. It's Todd Glass. Thank you. Wow. Right?

Wow. For the people at home looking at my mark, we've never actually met, have we? I don't think so. How you guys doing? You doing good? Hang on, let's talk to Todd for a second. Yes, okay. You just triggered him.

That's the first thing he has to say. I'm doing good. Everywhere he goes. I've known Mark for a while now, and that's the first thing he says in any conversation. So, Todd, not only are you headlining here this weekend, you also bring in a little band to play for you on the side there.

And they're usually right there, and they stay set up, and we had to remove two tables. The club said no problem, so we removed these two tables. The band sets up there. But they go, for Doug's show, you've got to get rid of the band. I go, oh, I guess because he's sold out. Anyway. And it's been crowded, all my shows, but not the type of crowd where they can't go. Anyway. And I'm,

it's been crowded all my shows, but not the type of crowd where they can't go, yeah. You have room for an organ and drums. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Piano and drums. They actually had an 80-piece orchestra in the back. You can see that. It was just huge in the back that night. I thought about that.

Doing a show, maybe like a, maybe a Netflix special where the whole audience is my orchestra and call it Preaching to the Choir. Maybe that would be a... Might be something there.

Yeah, take that back to the lab and tinker with it. They set up there and they open the show and that way he comes on, he does his set, gets a blackout. Who's seen Todd so far this weekend? Anybody?

A few people? It's a great show, right? Wow. It's like they immediately wanted to take it back. They clapped. But there's two more shows tonight, and I heard there's seats available. Actually, they're sold out. They'll throw out the band.

They'll throw out the band. Oh, it is sold out. Yes, it is sold out. Okay, so no the band. They'll throw out the band. Oh, it is sold out. Yes, it is sold out. Okay, so no band tonight. No, the band will be here. Sold out minus five people. Yeah, yeah. That's good.

All right, now let's officially say hello to, it's Mark Wahlberg. What's up, Raleigh? Is the nickname Otter, is that sticking? Are there people calling you Otter? Dude, I'm on record as saying if I had to be an animal, I'd be an otter. If you want to call me an otter, you can call me an otter. Who doesn't watch the movie The Lobster and think to themselves, what animal would I pick to come back as?

A fucking badass otter. And why are you in this part of the country? Are you shooting a movie around here? I am making a fucking movie, dude. I am. Yeah, you never stop with the movie making. Yep, yep. I don't know how you find time for this.

It's about a person that shits wherever they want. It's a gender-identifying woman. Mark Ruffalo plays my understanding brother. Brian Dennehy is a congressman that changes his ways, and it's called Porta Jane. You're filming it here. Fuck yeah, dude. Bring it where it needs to fucking change.

I have a feeling that the people of Raleigh, or at least the ones that are in this room right now, are not the problem. No, but the opening scene, because I'm playing the thing as her gender-identifying woman, these fucking dudes try to get me out of the bathroom, and I kill all three of them. And then I end it, and I go,

change that. And then it says, poor to Jane. Okay, don't tell us too much about it. Fucking no, dude. Don't give us too many spoilers. I'm getting that fucking Oscar is what I'm doing. Can I tell you something? Would they nominate you for best actor or actress?

Who gives a shit? Best. They're going to nominate me for best also I promise I would do this Donnie started an Etsy store please just fucking

can I tell you something? Yes, please. Well, I'm hungry, and I kept looking at this chicken strip, and I go, I bet they're not going to eat it, and then the guy just fucking took a bite out of it. I think they have some pizza. We're good. Oh, look, he's got a mozzarella stick. His girlfriend's like, don't give it away.

I think we have pizza, man. Do you want some of those chips over there? No. Todd, I'm just going to be honest. We've never met before. I'm a big fan of your comedy. I think you're a legit motherfucker who handles the stage like he should. Oh, thank you.

I appreciate that. You do not need those carbs. who handles the stage like he should? Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. You do not need those carbs. I care, dude. I care.

You're actually right. Yeah. Oh, man. Remember in Sixth Sense when Donnie was super fucking skinny? Of course. That's the only time he ever listened to me. Right. Wow.

You put on weight, though, and then taken it off over the years, right? Yeah, fucking pain and gain. I put on 87 pounds of muscle, dude. I didn't even know. Oh, yeah, that's... Each of you brought stuff for the prize bag as instructed, so let's start with Chip.

What do you got for us here? All right, I got some gummy bears right here. That's nice. Some Parabook gummy bears. Yeah. These are the gold bears. Gold standard of gummy bears. Yeah.

I got a copy of my album across from the Adonis right here. It's a CD in case it's still 1995 for some of you right there. What does that mean, across from the Adonis? Are you standing across the street from Mark Wahlberg? Yes, it's exactly what it was. Fucking A, dog. You get an extra one today. Do you know how intimidating it would be to do stand-up just for Mark Wahlberg? Just having him glaring at you.

The whole audience is just totally him standing there the whole time. Dude, I love that idea. Are you busy tonight, Mark? Can you come and stare at these guys during their show? Yeah, you want me to buy out all the other tickets and send everybody home and just watch the show myself? I would love it. I would have loved it last night late show.

Fucking A, man. We'll put in a goddamn Bowflex and a treadmill and I'll just fucking work out and watch a show. Great day. Fuck yeah. And this looks very special. This is very special. It's a rubberized cocktail shaker right here.

Somebody gave me this gift because they thought I'm way classier than I am and I'm never going to shake a cocktail in my life. So it's from Brookstone which means it's really fancy. Yeah. Yeah, and you dug it out of some rubble, apparently. I did. There was a little rubble.

There was a little rubble above. It's covered in dust. And when I pulled that out, this fell out of the box, too. It's a hacky sack. And Raleigh seems like a hacky sack kind of town. So there it is. Boom. Perfect.

Yeah, I'm pretty good with those. So there it is. Boom. Perfect. Yeah, I'm pretty good with those. Yeah, really good. Well, thanks for bringing all that. That's a lot of good stuff. Todd, can you top that? Well, I think as long as we all do our best. Alright, so

I think these are three hangers. Three nice wooden hangers. I hope there's nobody here from the hotel we stay at. And then a hand towel. Toilet paper. You might figure out what hotel we're staying at. Nice hot chocolate chip cookie. That I think I might take back.

But I did get Skittles. Actually, I feel bad because I saw Chip in the lobby buying stuff at the thing. I'm like, huh. I should buy some stuff too. Yeah, I bought some stuff too. So I got a Kit Kat and Skittles. And then, what is, oh, Twizzlers.

So there we go. Can we put it all back in the bag? What's in the bag, bitch? That's why, give me the cookie. Give me the cookie. Oh, really? You're going to eat it? Well, I would like to.

I'm starving. Oh, really? You're going to eat it? Well, I would like to. I'm starving. If you give me the chicken strip, I'll... No, eat your chicken strips. That was my first country hit. Eat your chicken strips. Last night, we got back to the hotel real late, and Todd, we each got one of those cookies from the front desk lady,

and he pretended to drop his, so she would give him a second one. Todd class. It worked. I go, oh, I'm sorry. I dropped it. And Chip's looking. She can't see because she's behind the desk. He's looking at me like, oh my, this is the saddest thing I've ever witnessed. And the best

part was the whole thing's going down as this hundred-year-old security guard is standing two feet away from Todd, watching the whole thing, just shaking his head angrily. I didn't know that he's literally sitting. He sees her and me. He's like... And he was thinking in his head,

white people. So, would you care if I got a slice of pizza brought up to me? Is that rude? No. Someone at the staff said they had a slice of pizza. All right, let me give you that. Wait, someone at the staff just has a slice?

No, they said... Brandy said that they had a pizza back there. She goes, do you want vegetarian or something else? I'll take the vegetarian if you don't mind. And then I'm done. All right. Yeah. At least it's not crunchy, you can eat it pretty quietly No, believe me, it won't take me long

People go Slow down, you'll enjoy it more I go, first of all, I won't I've eaten slow and it sucks Every time I look at Mark It's just great Dude, I'm gonna be honest, I love that you fucking stole a cookie Every time I look at Mark, it's just great. Dude, I'm going to be honest.

I love that you fucking stole a cookie. Fuck yeah. I mean, I wouldn't eat it, but just the fact of stealing it, it's fucking cool as shit. You fucking tricked her. All right, what did you bring, Mark? It's a really good fucking movie. Look at that. Nice at that Oh look at that

I like the way they put it in a little tip dish In a pie dish For the listener at home Todd just got an hour's worth of working out I'm not I'm getting fat looking at it. This toilet paper really came in handy for my runny nose. By the way, I did go to the gym today.

I go to the gym, Mark, every day. Take it up, dude. You earned it. Thank you. I don't have. I think I saw somebody that was going to come here tonight at the gym. I brought something that everybody probably already owns so that you can give this to somebody who doesn't live in this country.

Blu-ray. The Fighter. Oh, The Fighter. Yeah, The Fighter. I thought you said... I thought it was a movie about a raging inferno. I thought you said... It is. The Fire.

I like this quote on the front. Somebody said, one of the year's best films. Like, that's a real writer. The Fighter is Rocky what? oh okay the fighter is Rocky plus the blind side

what the fuck? yeah at what point in the fighter do they take in a big black guy? that's the big that movie right there is the biggest charity work

I've ever done cause I was like you know what Melissa Leo Christian Bale why don't you guys get fucking Oscar noms That movie right there is the biggest charity work I've ever done. Because I was like, you know what, Melissa Leo, Christian Bale, why don't you guys get fucking Oscar noms? I'm just the star of this movie. I'll stand back here. It's fine. Hey, what's going on with my... I need the toilet paper now for the napkin.

Oh, okay. Toilet paper. It can do anything. Yeah, you could... Todd, that's the one thing all these people in front of you have extras of. I didn't want to bother them. Hey, you know what? You're not that great at eating fast,

as it turns out. I'm trying not to be... The way I would eat if no one was around is a different human being. We got a runner-up prize today. I'm going to fill this bag with snotty tissues. Don't do that.

Somebody's going home with it. Don't do that shit, dude. You're going to give some fucking stranger a bag full of your DNA? If it's me, they'll fucking clone it. If it's me, they'll fucking clone it. If it's you, they're going to set you up for crimes, dude. You don't need that shit. Don't do it.

You know what they're going to say when they get it? What's that? DNA. That's a good point. Do it. I was going to offer this pizza to somebody, but when Doug just said that, I spit on it. Oh, no. Put it in the bag.

It is... That's going to fucking... It's going to give me murders. Who did it? We don't know, but we found a fucking piece of pizza. Who did that other murder? I don't know. There was just Kleenex all over the place. Mark, I'm being totally serious. If you tell me I should eat that, I will.

If you say don't eat it, I won't. That's the one piece you should have eaten. It has vegetables all over it, too. It does look good. I'll give it that. He ate the meaty one first. Look at him go. For the listener at home, we're all watching the lowest version of Planet Earth.

This has never been seen in the wild before. Godglass eating pizza on stage. I'd kick that broccoli the hell off of my pizza. Fucking broccoli. Okay, I'm done. Okay, he's good.

Because I'm going to ask you some... What did you do with it? I put it over on the side of the stage. And then I threatened to kick it. Well, whenever you show up anywhere, you're threatening to kick it. Fuckin' A, dude. Click the air down.

There's a question I like to ask everybody, and now that Todd's had some food, maybe he'll be able to come up with an answer. We'll start with Chip, though. Chip Chantry, what was the last movie you saw? Last movie I saw, I watched a documentary called The Barkley Marathons.

You guys know that one? It's great. Some people love it. Yeah. What is it? It's on the Netflixes, and you can just go on, and it's this old guy from Tennessee who's this crotchety old man in his 70s used to be like an ultra marathon runner and he just for the last 20 years he's set up this

like weird 100 mile marathon through like the hills of tennessee and and but like it's like really like you can't find it online it's really secretive you have to find it and then he only selects what like 40 people a year and then and most people don't finish it they do like 5 20 mile loops through these like crazy woods they get all beat up and they just drop out one by one and it's like it's and they just like get lost in the woods it's kind of it's like the Blair Witch project except instead of a scary witch it's just like a shitty old man being a dickhead the whole time like that's all but he's great he great. So I watched that this morning

and I tried to get motivated and then I went out and ran the shittiest two mile run I've ever had. So I felt bad about myself. You should have. Where is it they had that underwear run today? People ran in their underwear somewhere near here. Do you guys know where?

Oh, it was in Raleigh? Oh, I thought they said it was in some other place. What's the purpose of that? Just to be silly? Yeah, I guess so. it was in some other place. What's the purpose of that? Just to be silly? Yeah, I guess so. Todd doesn't see the humor in that at all. I heard it's also a short run. Like, it's not even that long.

It's just people that want to just run in their underwear briefly. But real nice weather for it. What, uh... If they'd have had it two or three days ago, that wouldn't have been good. Now, Todd's still thinking about it I gave you all that time he was talking about that movie You could have thought of it

What was the last movie you saw, Todd? Here's the sad part Whatever my safe word is, I would use it right now I'm not just saying this Donnie's the safe word on this show Oh, is Donnie the safe word? Doug uses it quite frequently So to Donnie To Donnie, is Donnie the same word? Doug uses it quite frequently.

So to Donnie. Sure. To Donnie or just Donnie? Usually I'm like, Donnie. Doug's more like, Donnie. Yeah, I'm like, Donnie. Donnie. Donnie.

But you guys are well behaved today. You really can't think of one? Well, I got there. How about this? How about a movie you saw in your lifetime? Oh. You don't have to go from one extreme to the other, although that was easier. Well, I did wake up this morning,

and I remember going, oh, fuck, because I didn't want to be like, every time I don't see a movie, and I thought, this time, I'm going to see a movie. I'm going to do it, because it doesn't look like I purposely don't see a movie. But then I was thinking all the whole walk here, what did I say to you?

I go, do me a favor. Let's help me think of a movie I've seen. I've had to see a movie. But then I was thinking, oh, the whole walk here, what did I say to you? I go, do me a favor. Let's help me think of a movie I've seen. I've had to see a movie in the last three months. And they go, just let's get that on the walk over here. And then I said I was hungry, and we never talked about the movie again. But I did just. Then you lectured me angrily about politics for ten minutes. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, so. And we're both on the same side, too. I didn't lecture you. I just don't leave pauses um and he and he points to a blackboard on occasion i'm in a podium that like straps to my waist um so i can walk so i did think of a movie that it's an older movie that I happened to see three days ago. Oh, okay. It's perfect.

Yeah, somebody had never seen it and it still stands up the test of time. I saw Waiting for Guffman again for the 20th time. Still funny. That's a good one. What?

That's a good one. Yeah, it is a good one. Fred Willard and his wife. Who plays his wife? Who? My wife. Who? Catherine O' My wife. Who? Catherine O'Hara.

Catherine O'Hara. Just, it's ridiculous. You don't say it when somebody says his wife. His wife. Yeah, it doesn't... His wife. So that was a good movie. And I really thought, I thought, God, there had to be a movie I've seen in the last five months.

But I can't, I don't overwhelmingly, I think I've explained this before, see movies because it's hard for me to follow them. So that's why there's not that many that I've seen. Yeah, and when you do watch a movie, it's something like Waiting for Guffman that has virtually no story. It's just about how they're waiting for Guffman. Super Troopers I've seen a lot. Oh, that's a good one. And I saw your documentary. Super Jaime?

Sure, 15 times. What? Holy shit. How about a little respect, you know? Oh, that'd be fun. I love that bit you do in your act where you do Mitch Hedberg jokes, but if Rodney Dangerfield told them.

I'll tell you the other day, a guy asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said, no, but I want a regular one later. So, all right, I'll tell you, don't get any better than that. I'll tell you the other day, I see a sign that said escalator broke, you know? Shouldn't say escalator temporarily stares.

You don't want to get any better than that. I'll tell you, I used to do broke, you know? Shouldn't say escalator temporarily stairs. You know, whatever they need to get rid of there. I'll tell you, I used to do drugs, you know? I still do, but I used to, too. It's alright, you know? What are you gonna do, huh? It's alright. It's alright. So you've probably seen Caddyshack a few times. Yeah, I've seen it a few times. But not in a while.

Not in a while. Ted Knight is... Everybody remembers how funny Rodney was, but if you re-watch it, Ted Knight was pretty... All four of those dudes. Chevy Chase, Bill Murray. It was all of them. It was the funniest thing they ever did, probably.

They're up there, anyway. Okay, Mark Wahlberg. Seen any movies lately? I mean, besides Patriot's Day and Deepwater Horizon. Fucking A, dude. Saw them both this morning.

But last movie I saw that, unlike those, is not an instant classic. But it's pretty good. It's pretty good. I saw John Wick 2. It's okay. Chapter 2, because it's like a book. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, well, then I read it. It does have quite a few subtitles, so you do have to do some reading. Yeah, that's like the craziest fucking subtitles I've ever seen. They do, like, large fonts and different colors I've ever seen. They do like large fonts and different colors and shit like that.

But my problem with that movie is like, maybe it's just from personal experience, it doesn't take that long to kill a person. Like they have long fights. I'm like,

I should have stepped in here. So maybe I'll be in the third, if there's a third. Yeah, he fights Common real good. I saw the movie twice, and the second time I saw it, I really focused on seeing if there's ever any stunt doubles. And Common and Keanu, they seriously just rolled down a flight of stairs.

And I'm sure they didn't get it in one take. Those guys are badass. No, it's really good. I mean, obviously, it's not like any movie I've made. But it's pretty good for a lesser actor level type movie. I mean, Keanu's good, but let's be honest. See, because I'm looking at Mark that I can think of movies, but it's not anything you've done recently, but like...

That you love? Well, the... Boogie Nights? Four Brothers? Boogie Nights. Contraband? The Happening? I Heart Huckabees?

Renaissance Man? Fear? Ted? By the way, it's not... Ted 2? Honestly, Mark, it's nothing to do with you at all, because... Broken City? Because the movie...

I don't think you mentioned the one that I saw, which I loved, where you played a football player. Invincible? Yes. That might have been the last movie I saw. Really? Well, probably not, but close. How fucking good was it, though?

It was great. Fucking A, dude. I'm going to say the same thing I say to everyone every single day, including Donnie. You're welcome. All right, it's time for Burt Kreischer to turn the show off, because I'm going to say, let the games begin!

You guys, this is one of the best turnouts with regards to name tags. There's someone with a My Name Is little sticker. What the fuck? That's not going to get shown. This is crazy. Chip, you've never seen this either, right? I mean, I haven't seen it. I've heard it, but I've never seen it in person. I haven't seen it from this perspective. No, it's incredible. to get you. This is crazy. Chip, you've never seen this either, right? I mean, I haven't seen it. I've heard it, but I've never

seen it in person. I haven't seen it from this perspective. It's overwhelming. For people listening, it's overwhelming what you see in this audience. I always assume there's like five or ten of them. There's hundreds out there, right? This is incredible. Yeah, so you guys have to pick who you want to play for, and while you do that, we're going to go to a brief commercial message. We'll be right back.

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Today's episode is also brought to you by HBO's new show Crashing, starring Pete Holmes as Pete, a sheltered suburbanite who married his childhood sweetheart and dreams of making it as a stand-up comedian. But when he finds out his wife cheated on him, Pete's world unravels, plunging him into the deep end of the rough-and-tumble New York comedy scene

where he crashes on other people's couches. Oh, that's why it's called Crashing. And in the process, learning hard lessons about life and himself. comedy scene where he crashes on other people's couches. Oh, that's why it's called Crashing. And in the process, learning hard lessons about life and himself. Pete Holmes and Judd Apatow executive produced the show, which draws on Holmes' own experiences as a comedian, offering a behind-the-scenes look at the unpredictable world of stand-up comedy. Crashing features performances by Artie Lang, Lauren Lapkus, and George Basil, plus guest appearances by Hannibal Buress,

T.J. Miller, Sarah Silverman, and more. Crashing premieres tonight at 10.30 on HBO, or last night if you're listening to this on Monday, or last Sunday if you're listening to it Tuesday or after. Back to the show!

More about that in a minute, Todd. Chip, who are you playing? We're back. Who are you playing for, Chip? I am playing for Flight of the Matigator. Nice. Yeah. Disney classic. And Todd, who are you playing for?

For Splash... Splashy? Splash Lee. Let me see it. Oh, that's nice. I'm not a good... You like that? That's fucking good, dude. Mark, who are you playing for? Conterra Band.

You know what's funny, guys? That's my real wallet. All right, great job. I feel like... Am I allowed to... Wait, Matigator doesn't... Oh, there it is. I see it, yeah.

I feel like I should give the people with the purple lights on their sign free tickets to the show tonight or something. Oh, would you like that? Well, yeah. I feel I should give the people with the purple lights on their sign free tickets to the show tonight or something. Oh, would you like that? Well, yeah. Can we do that? Are we allowed to do that? I mean, they're going to get donuts thrown out.

I thought you said tonight was sold out. Well, you can always squeeze two people in. Yeah, they could sit on the laps of the band. Lap band, if you will. Nice talk. That was fucking gold, dude. Nice, Todd That was fucking gold, dude Alright, so yeah

You can put your poster down now, Todd We'll need that later, though, of course At the end, if you lose I won once, by the way You did? Crazy Yeah, that doesn't make any sense Okay, so The first game I would like to play today Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.

Okay, so the first game I would like to play today, and at the end of each game, if you win, you can reach into this box of Krispy Kremes and then either eat the donut, which would be maybe what Todd might do. But definitely not what Mark would do. Right. Or you could chuck the audience, chuck the donut into the audience.

It's fun. It's more fun than you think, Todd. Do they eat it? Do they get it? They catch it and they eat it. Oh, okay. Some people like to catch and release. But most people will,

even if it's the floor, they'll still eat the donut. Yeah, people are crazy. I don't know what's wrong with them. But let's start with a round of live, die, repeat. I don't want to say I've dumbed down the games for today, but... Thank God. Thank God. Todd, Chip, Mark, I'm gonna say...

the title of a movie. First person who repeats it back correctly wins. Mark's a real competitor. Yeah, he looks like he's going to sprint a marathon. He's a crouching tiger shitting dragon. The great thing about doing this dance right now, one, if you're listening and you didn't come to the show, that's on you. Two, even if I don't get it right,

the audience still fucking wins. Where's the guy who somebody wrote on Twitter today that they used Craigslist to get a ticket and they got one? Where's that person at? Are you here? Where you at, dude? That guy went to all that trouble to get a ticket and they got one. Where's that person at? Are you here? Where you at, dude? That guy went to all that trouble to get a ticket

and then didn't show up? Maybe it was a fake. Maybe somebody sold a fake ticket on Craigslist and he didn't get in. He's locked in somebody's basement right now. That's definitely happening. Fucking take your life in your hand with Craigslist, dude. I don't have any tickets, but I've got some lotion.

Alright, you guys ready? We just repeated back. Yeah. Thanks for the clarification, Todd. You ready? Just for everybody at home, I'm sorry. Nobody would ever look good in that pose except for Mark Wahlberg. He's the only person who makes it work.

He is the only person who makes it work. He is the only person who can pull that off. He's the world's sexiest squatter. Fuckin' A. I should make that movie. The Mike Piazza story. You know he owns a Honda dealership in Pottstown, Pennsylvania? Who does?

Mike Piazzi. Holy shit, let's play this game. Here we go. Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump! Is there a winner? I think Mark thinks he won. I know. Nose.

That seemed pretty tight. That seemed pretty tight. That seemed pretty tight. Let's do another one. It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad. One-handed. One-arm push-ups from Mark. One-arm push-ups. One-arm push-ups from Wahlberg. Five of them.

54 of them. 54 of them. I meant 54. It's alright, don't worry about it. City sickers, city sickers. City sickers, city sickers. Waiting for government Now I'm back in Do one more Oh man, okay

La La Land La La Land. La La Land! Hacksaw Ridge. Hacksaw Ridge! Fences. La La La La La! Ah, shut up, I tried. I think Todd got that one. You guys aren't even using consonants.

Alright, so I'm going to declare Todd the winner of that game. Don't have to. What do you want to do with your donut? Oh, do I get a donut? Yeah. Oh, I'll take the win. Do I go over and get it? I guess...

Yeah, they're right there. Squat down like Wahlberg does. How did you do it? Like this, bro. Look good, feel good. Kick your left arm out. Out. That's in. Kick your left arm out. Out. That's in. Kick your left arm out.

My right and my left. It's exhausting. Yeah, just take one out of there, Todd. What? Wow. By the way, real quick. I'll make this quick, Doug. If you get these,

the kind that there's cream in or jelly And you bring them home And I take a plastic, you know, baggie Unzip it, put some ice cream in it And then bite the top off of it And then squeeze it into a donut You get ice cream in a donut It's fucking crazy good

That is the most disgusting thing Have you ever had ice cream cake? No, I've had avocado ice cream That is the most disgusting thing. Have you ever had ice cream cake? No, I've had avocado ice cream. I guess that's healthy. Ice cream cake is good, but the cake part isn't delicious. Ice cream and cake and ice cream and cake and ice cream and cake. Remember that ad?

Okay. Oh, can I tell one quick... I was at a comedy club once, and we were talking about Krispy Kreme donuts, and I said, I'd rather not have one. Three, I at least need three, or it's not worth it. So they go, how many would you eat? So the owner of the club brought, like, just in at night, I go, I'm not going to eat them until I'm stuffed and nauseous.

I have no desire to do that. But until I'm done, like, I feel, okay, I've had enough Krispy Kremes. Eleven. Alright. I'm going to throw it. I'm using a tissue so I don't touch the donut. Oh, should I do the same thing?

No, you're not sick. I'm going to throw it to the crowd. Okay. Is that right? Yeah. That did not... That did not... You guys, hold on. First off, for the listener at home,

Todd is the first person to throw a donut into a crowd and miss. I've never even noticed that clock up there. I know! There's a clock up there. That's a great place for a clock. I've never even noticed that clock up there. I know! There's a clock up there. That's a great place for a clock. I've never noticed that. All week, I'm wondering what time it is when I'm on stage. Can I throw another one out?

Yeah. Who wants this one? There it is. There you go. Alright, no more throwing until somebody else wins a game. Some of the listeners aren't into the donut throwing part. But the live crowd loves it. They eat it up.

These aren't the type you put ice cream in I'm sure you knew it, but just in case I bet if you really wanted to You could put the ice cream in there You could take a scoop and put it on top of it You could do anything you want Except throw it in the audience Well, I threw it so high

It hit the light rack And then it came down on somebody's head or something. We're back on the stage. It landed back... Oh, it's a... These are boomerang donuts. Fresh from Australia. Let's play ABCD's Nuts!

Nuts! Now, this is a spelling game, Todd. Don't look so sad. It's pretty easy spelling. I'll tell you what letter you're on when it's your turn. We're going to spell, just keep the theme rolling, we're going to spell Forrest Gump. And the first letter is F.

So Todd, all you got to do I know this. is name any movie that begins with the letter F. And then Mark will be O and then Chip will be R. There is a movie called that and congratulations. But if you

match the movie that I've written down, which is not Fandango. Oh, you should have told me. I shouldn't interrupt it is what I should have told you. But you also, the odds of you saying the movie that I've written down Which is not Fandango You should have told me I shouldn't have interrupted The odds of you saying the movie I wrote down ahead of time Are very slim Especially since you're first What I wrote down was Freddy Got Fingered

Yeah Okay Mark the next letter in Forrest Gump Is of course O So name any movie that begins with O. Oscar. Yeah, starring Sylvester Stallone. Yep. Very good.

The dude from Tango and Cash. I thought we were just going to have to spell Forrest Gump. Do you want to give it a shot? No, this is harder, but it looks not as bad that I can't do it. For O, Mark, I went with Of Mice and Men. All right. Tell me about the rabbits, Lenny. R is the next letter for Chip.

I'll go with Rushmore. Oh, that's a good one. Classic. I went with another classic, Rain Man. Rain Man, yeah. classic, Rain Man. Rain Man, yeah. Yeah, Rain Man. Todd, you get, there's another R in forest. Okay.

So you get the second R. I guess you could say Rain Man again if you wanted to. Maybe I should. Give me ten seconds. Rushmore. Rush ten seconds Rushmore Rushmore Rushmore R

Rural juror Road Road Is there a movie With the word road in it I think Road I bet there is

What's wrong with me I'm not I'll put it in the chip box In the road chip Yep Did I get it No Oh What's wrong with me? I'm not... Alvin and the Chipmunks in the road chip. Yep. Did I get it? No.

Oh. I know I didn't get it. Give me five seconds. Hold on. Let me... Zanzibar. You're helping. I don't want help. Road to...

Perdition. I pass. Hold on. Hold on. Roadies. Run... Roadrunner. Maybe they did a movie. I. Roadies. Run. Road Runner. Maybe they did a movie.

I don't know. No. Ooh, how about Rocky? Rocky 2. Rocky 3. Rocky 4. Jump in here, dude. Jump in and say Rocky.

Rocky 4. Rocky 4. There you go. Thank you. I went with a movie called Radio Radio Mark Your next letter is E The word the counts as part of the title

In this game right? Oh man I know what you're doing here But I can't I can't think of one that fits. Just didn't want you to see a potential answer. So I took the guy's name tags while he's in the bathroom. I assume that's where he went.

He didn't, like, go home sad, did he? Fuck this shit. I mean, the kid did seem weird. Ender's Game? No, I went with extremely loud and incredibly close. Damn it. But he changed it to extremely loud

and incredibly David. Was it E? Yeah, it was E. The Exorcist, though, Todd. That begins with T. Well, you can put a the ahead of anything. That's actually true. Yeah, like can put a the ahead of anything. That's actually true. Yeah, like the Rocky IV.

Oh, no. You can't. Where are we? What's happening? It's on chip, and it's S. Saturday Night Fever. That's a good one. I said Sling Blade. Todd.

T. I'm going to try to think the way you would think. Okay. All right. T. Can you say it in a question? What? T.

Yeah, yeah, T. Everybody else. Okay, T. Hold on. Let me not concentrate. Let me just make sure. David, your movie was the answer just now. The first one on top,

the extremely close and incredibly loud. What are you flipping through those to find another? Try to give him another clue? Terrestrial. Terrestrial? He flipped, just say what it says on his name tag. Tim and Eric. Is that a movie?

Tim and Eric. Shit, sorry. I keep turning my mic off. Read the whole thing. Tim and Eric. Eric's. Million Dollar Movie. Billion Dollar Movie.

Thank you, Chip, for helping me. God bless Chip. Chip, you can tell he was a teacher before he did stand-up because he's like feeding me and that's the way most of my teachers got me through school. So, Tim, didn't I say it? Yeah, you did it. How come you don't look impressed?

Great job. I went with tiptoes, but also I would have accepted the other sister. Son of a bitch. By the way, we used to show horrible movies, me and a friend of mine. We'd bring people in. Those were the first two movies we watched were The Other Sister and Tiptoes. Both classics of awfulness.

Yes. All right, so back to you there, Mark G. I can't think of one that fits into this category I have one for this I don't know what you're talking about It's just random movies Don't try so hard to win all the time Alright, fine, go on with the wind Yeah, there you go

I went with Gigli Gigli You are next Todd Okay Can you think of a movie That begins with U U U The letter U

Not the word U Wow Can I ask a serious question and then I'll give me... Is anybody else with this one having as much trouble as me? Like for everyone? Or do you all... I figured. I figured.

U is it? U? I mean, there is more pressure when you're up here, but... No, no. U. This is a pretty simple game. U. U.

U. But it's not the... Think of a word like you did with road earlier Think of a word that starts with you Well it's the letter U It's not the word you Well I meant the letter U Like under would be a word

I know I mean that helps It should that's literally half a title of a movie. Under. Under Siege. Yay! Thank you. I'll take it. I couldn't...

I had a hard time. I couldn't find a you that fit what I was doing here, so I went with Uly's gold. Because that guy's a little weird that he has a bunch of Bs. Mark, next letter is, of course, M. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch, the movie. I know your P.

I know what it is. That's awful that it didn't work out, that you got to do P. So for M, I will go... It's on Chip. When Chip gets it wrong, can I guess it before you say what it is? Okay. Let's see. For M, I will go with...

Man, did Matlock make a movie? Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Oh! Like, if his name started with V, do you think he would open a sex shop? I went with... Yeah, I think he would. I went with My Left Foot.

Damn it. And that leaves Chip to try to finish... You can do this, Chip. Chip, you can do this. Chip. The letter P. You can do this. Okay. Thank you.

That makes me feel better, Mark. Much like Donnie, if you don't do it, I'm here to support it. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. Yeah. I'm blanking too now. Okay.

People under the stairs. I think it's the people under the stairs. But I'll takeing too now. People Under the Stairs? I think it's The People Under the Stairs, but I'll take it. Can I go now? Mark wants to try. Punch Drunk Love. That kind of fits. I mean, he was just weird, right? He wasn't mentally ill.

Wait, what do you got? Psycho? That's a good one. People vs. Larry Flint? All right, stop it. Punchline the movie. No, Todd, every single one of these movies has a crazy or mentally disabled person in it

as a character. That was the theme I was going with. I didn't even know that. It's a secret. Not that it would have helped. Thank God I didn't know that. I would have been more nervous. I'm sweating from that game.

Oh, dude. Dude, I'm going to be honest. However you get it in, get it in. You're burning calories, bro. That's all that matters. Oh, and also, so I don't get to offend anybody, physically handicapped people as well. Sure.

Yeah, but all, like, you know, all qualify for what they talk about in Tropic Thunder, where an actor really commits, and it either works or it doesn't. And for the letter P, I went with Pumpkin. Starring Christina Ricci. Yeah. It's a tough one.

It was a tough one. Yeah. But that means Todd gets to go first again in the next game. What did I do? I won? No, you didn't win, but you're the closest thing to a winner because I decided when you guys tied in the first game that you were the winner thank you you're welcome use your microphone boy I know I'm sorry testing one two what do I do now we We're going to play Last Man Stanton. But with a... Oh, yeah, do you want to throw a donut?

Oh, yeah. Aim for the clock. It was gentle. Somebody... Usually people hold up name tags for you to try to hit. Like, where's a big name tag? You're too close. You want all the donuts, don't you? Oh, I like that one over there.

Is that something about Mary over there? Is that what that is? Oh, Say It Isn't So. Oh, wow, I guess the wrong over there. Is that something about Mary over there? Is that what that is? Oh, say it isn't so. Oh, wow, I guess the wrong Farrelly Brothers movie. Alright, I'm going to try to hit that one. What's that say? That sign says Subaru. Wow.

Trying to get a free Subaru. I would need this donut if I were you. Dude, you like broke the sign And his lights turned off That was like the end of a natural Holy shit, Doug That was right center Meanwhile, Todd threw it like the kid At the end of the rookie

And his mom just floating it. Rookie of the Year, that's what that is. I don't catch things. You know like people, when they throw the keys and someone else catches them? At a very young age, my friend went to throw me something. I'm like, I'll just come and get it. I'll come and get it.

Here's the twist for today's Last Man Stanton. Matt and Tara and Ashley, please come up to the stage. Doug, if it's the girl. Make a little room, you guys, because you each have a teammate for this last game. Someone to help you.

Just make enough room so someone can stand in between each of you. Or Marcus being a gentleman and letting her sit down. Tara gets a seat. How you doing? When you talk to them, Todd, when you ask them things, make sure you let them speak into the microphone. Of course.

There she is. What's up? Oh, shit. There we go. Oh, that Of course. There she is. What's up? Oh, wait, why don't you... Oh, shit. There we go. Oh, that's good. There we go. Oh, wow.

Well, now that they did it, I have to do it. Jesus. You can sit if you want. Okay, first of all, Todd, I don't stand behind anybody. I also don't stand not in the light, so this has to... Hey, you just... Matt just took it apart himself to toss a donut. Did you throw it to a friend of yours?

Sneaky, sneaky pool Let's talk to these folks that are up here for a quick second Matt, what do you do for a living? And do you like having a bunch of dicks in your face? I work at a record store oh those are a thing what's the name of your record store school kids records hey when you go back to the owner tell them to thank me because you wouldn't have fucking mentioned it. Yeah, that guy should give you a raise, Todd. All right, Todd, let's interview

your helper there, your partner in crime. Hi, how you doing? What is your name again? Ashley. Ashley, and what do you do for a living? I'm a wedding photographer.

Oh, cool. Can I give you a little trick? Whenever you take pictures, get up on a little stepping stool. That way, I'm going to put their heads up and everyone will like the picture so no uh and uh what is your favorite uh color blue blue yeah okay good right all right so now mark has to ask Tara three questions. How you doing, girl?

I'm doing good. Fucking A, you are. So what's up? You live around here? I live in Charlotte, so ish, kind of. Sorry, I'm cool with ish. I'm cool with ish. You single? I can be. I think we're good, Doug.

We're good. That's a show. Mark found somebody to eat his hotel cookie. It would have gone to waste. All right, you guys. So we're going to play Last Man Stanton. We're going to start with Todd and Ashley are going to go first. And on each one of these, you guys can confer with your partner there.

But try not to be too loud about that because you don't want to give away answers for the future. And the way this works, Todd, is we're going to get the name of an actor or actress and then just take turns naming movies that that person has done. And I like to play along on this one, so I'll play too. And, yeah, and the first person who, I mean, the person who lasts the

longest wins. Yeah. Okay. I think, Ashley, you feel confident? Um, he dragged me here. I really did. Oh,

no. Oh, man. The guy with six name tags who would be great at this game is just sitting it out. I think I got... I need help. Like this...

Well, we'll be good together. The idea was to get you some help, but it might be backfiring. We'll be fine. I feel comfortable. We're both not good at it. We'll try our hardest. Okay. I'm comfortable. We're both not good at it. We'll try our hardest. Okay. I'm ready. Alright. So

there's a couple, several people tweeted me, so thank you for doing that, saying they have great names for this particular game. And I just, you know, have to just pick one that jumps out at me. Where's PatClark27? There you are. If your name sucks, I got a backup.

Where's Nerd Bullet? Over there? All right. We might come to you, Nerd Bullet. If Pat Clark lets us down. Why Pat Clark 27? Are you 27 years old? No.

No? Okay. Was that the number you wore in high school football? Told you. Alright, what's your, uh, what do you got for us there? Okay, Nerd Bullet. Hey, Todd doesn't even know who Tilda Swinton is, dude. Okay, that's a little better.

Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. I have one, I think. Yeah, there you go. Don't say it yet. Don't say it yet. Confer with your... Wall Street.

All right. We are off and running with Wall Street. All right. We are off and running with Wall Street. Do we do another one? When it gets back to you, you'll have to, yes. It's an elimination game. We're going to go this way now. Chip, you're next.

What do you and Matt want to go with? The great Michael Douglas. We're going to go with Romancing the Stone. Okay. As long as that cat's out of the bag, I'm going to go with Jewel of the Nile. Mark, what are you in?

Is it Tara? It's Contra Tara Band. Tara. We're saying it right all along. What do you guys think? Mark were saying it right all along. That's good. Okay. What do you guys think? Mark's got it.

Wall Street. Wait. That was the first one. Oh, fuck. Sorry. I was over here getting to know a girl. We're going to go with The Game. The Game. The Game.

Okay. Now we're back to you, Todd. The Ghost in the Darkness? Was that one? That's what she said. I tried to... I thought she was right, so I acted like I said it. Yeah, I believe Val Kilmer's in that.

They're hunters. Okay, there you go. Ashley? There's some sort of lion ghost or something. I don't know. How come the audience didn't seem like it was right? Yeah, it was right. You're not going to get applause for everything you say.

I know. I know. Alright, Chip and Matt. What are they going to come up with? Doug, just so you know, Todd's asking my person. Todd, leave Tara alone. Although she seems as sweet as can be, she wasn't very nice about it at all. It's like a person in school that won't let you copy off of them.

Like, why? What are you going to benefit by not letting me copy? won't let you copy off of them. Like, why? What are you going to benefit by not letting me copy? And that's how Todd became valedictorian. Cheaters never win, but they graduate. Thank you.

Fuckin' A, dude. Wait, whose turn is it? We just went with Falling Down. Oh, yeah. I heard somebody say it. I thought it was somebody else, like somebody was trying to help you. Falling Down. Did you ever see that movie, Todd?

What? Falling Down. Did you ever see the movie Falling Down? No. I mean, a lot of movies I say I haven't seen, and then if you showed it to me, I might be like, yeah, I saw it. Michael Douglas plays a guy who just loses his mind Oh yeah he goes Out on the pier

Yes I saw that I'm going to keep checking in with Todd To see if he knows the movie once I tell him about it Is that the one where he has a job And he gets mad at people and he goes ballistic Yeah yeah He couldn't really have a movie like that today, right? Because it's happening in real life, right?

No. I guess you could still have that movie. Robert Duvall is still with us. All right, I'm going to go with... Anus. How about... What was that one he was just in? Ant-Man!

Yeah! what was that one he was just in? Ant-Man! Which I had fun when I bought my ticket. I said, I'd like one for Ant-Man, please. Two questions for you. Based off the first question, I may not have a second one.

Okay. Does Behind the Candelabra count as a movie? Oh, that's an interesting question. I've been debating that with people on the internet. It's an HBO movie. It's an HBO movie, but it is feature length. Yes. And it was, you know, HBO is just where it landed, where it first showed. It was, of course, directed by Steven Soderbergh.

It won an Oscar! It won an Oscar?! That is the dumbest thing. directed by Steven Soderbergh. And it won an Oscar? That is the dumbest thing. It didn't win any Oscars. It won something. I will accept it. Yes! Yes.

Oh, I got one! Who was that movie about, Todd, behind the Candle Opera? We just made a joke about it last night. Liberace. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's about Matt Damon. Yes, he is in it as well.

Stop yelling stuff out. Is it our turn? I think so. Okay, Fatal Attraction. Yeah, classic. And I didn't cheat. I just remembered the name had to do with what somebody did. So I was just trying to think.

Okay. Okay. Oh, what was that one? Oh, yeah, I remember. What do you got, Chip and Matt? We're going to go with an American president. Oh. Boy, he'd be a good president.

Right now I heard that's how it worked I heard he's third in line Something happens to Trump and Pence President Michael Douglas How you guys doing? It's Chip and Matt, right? What did you say? The American president.

Oh, okay. We'll say an American president. Okay, I'm going to go with... A night at McCool's. Right? No? Is it the night at McCool's? It's just night at McCool's?

It is one night? Alright, I'm out I'm out Just drop the mic and leave Marky Mark, just Mark Come on, dude Sorry Just drop the mic and leave. Marky. Mark. Just Mark. Come on, dude.

Sorry. Had a really great show so far. You know what, though? I'm giving you two today, so that's one of them. Wait, you get... Okay. Tara. I thought I had one on account and that was it, but that's okay. Okay.

You got this, girl? I got it. All right's okay. You got this, girl? Basic Instinct? Yeah! Why the fuck was I fucking around with Night at McCool's? Basic Instinct, such a simple title. Classic movie. Especially if you like vagina.

Vagina. Todd? If you like vagina. Ha ha. Todd? I'll let Ashley take a stab at this. Okay, stab at Ashley. Was he at an anniversary party? Anniversary party, she said. The anniversary party?

Michael Douglas? I don't know. I know a lot of people were in that. Karen Kilgareff was in that. Mary Lynn Ricegub. But I don't remember Michael Douglas. That was good. That was really good.

So I think, yeah, well, Todd's showing off his mic technique. I think it's time to say goodbye to Ashley. Oh, really? She's eliminated. You can stay, though, Todd. Good job, Ashley. Oh, really? She's eliminated. You can stay, though, Todd. Good job, Ashley. Does that mean I'm out, too? Yeah, you're out.

You know what Basic Instinct is? Basic Instinct. I know it was a movie, and I think it was... I don't remember. It's the one where Sharon Stone shows her nature. Oh, she's a detective

and Michael, who are we talking about? This is amazing. Michael Douglas, yeah. She kills people with ice pick. No, I remember the gist of the movie. I remember she showed her vagina. Whoa. Let's watch the language.

There's no reason to talk like that. I mean, no reason to talk at all. Would it be rude if I asked you to say the word vagina? Vagina. Was that who you were asking? Yes. I'll do it. You want me to say it? Oh, no.

He's going to work up do it. You want me to say it? Oh, no. He's going to work up to it. Look, I feel good. Vagina? Vagina? Did it really well. Look at Mark being a good sport. That's the shortest monologue from the vagina monologues. The answer is always yes.

It's a tight monologue. I'm so happy this wall is here to hold me up. Where are we at? Chip and Matt? Yeah. All right, Matt, go ahead. What do you got? I'm all out, but Jade?

Jade? Jade? No, that was David Caruso. Oh, that's right. Yeah. That's right. Same. Yeah. What are you going to do?

We both take place in San Francisco and have murders, but you did a great job, Matt. Let's hear it for Matt. Matt! Do you have one more, Tara and Mark, just to rub it in? You know what, Doug? I'm going to be honest with you right now. I feel bad saying it. We got two more.

Oh. No wonder she didn't want to give me one. Wall Street, money never sleeps. Yeah, it doesn't. The Wonder Boys Tara you're welcome I should have said it earlier but I thought of the China Yeah, and here's a really interesting thing. Look at the fucking clock. Look what time is on that clock.

520. Yeah, it's way off. It's way off. It's way off. So we're all excited there's a clock up there, and it's not even keeping correct time. In the clock's defense, somebody threw a donut at it about a half hour ago.

Oh, no. And it's gained four pounds since. That's why it's moving slower. Yeah, time really slows down when you eat too many donuts. Okay, so you said the two that you had? Yeah. Okay. Congratulations to Tara.

Fucking A, dude. Come get your rubberized cocktail shaker. You can use that for anything. And there's everything else. There you go. If I were you, I'd take... Oh, Mark, Mark.

That's enough, Mark. Don't. There you go. Your life just changed. You hugged me so much. The guy yelled out, what did we miss? Like he's dying to yell out some answer. What Michael Douglas movies did we miss?

War of the Roses. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past? He's in that? War of the Roses? That's a good one. Disclosure with Demi Moore. What? A Perfect Murder with Gwyneth Paltrow. Oh, A Vicious End?

I forgot about A Vicious End. What? A Vicious End. That's not... Yes, it is. No. It sounds good. It sounds really good.

I made it up. Sequel to A Perfect Murder. Vicious End. All good. I made it up. Sequel to a perfect murder. Vicious end. All right, we did it. Wow. Can you pass me those two name tags there so I can do the old shitheads at the end? Tara's I don't need because she won everything. Let me see it, though, just out of curiosity Can you pass me those two name tags there so I can do the old shitheads at the end?

Taras I don't need because she won everything. Let me see it, though, just out of curiosity what she write on there. She has nice handwriting. Yeah, she really does. She was just standing next to you. I don't know who gave this. The girl who was just standing next to you. I know now, but I didn't know then. But I was saying the nice handwriting. Look at that hand right there.

It's nice, yeah. Yeah, and the executive branch is a... I shouldn't have said that. Chip, what do you got coming up? What do you got to plug? Plug yourself. Just follow me on Twitter, at Chip Chantry,

and I'd be very happy. That would be wonderful. Oh, wow. Yeah. Thank you. Is there a spot in Philly where you show up on the regular, like people could come check you out? Yeah, I'm at Helium a lot.

Well, you know what they say about Helium. What's it? It's a gas. It's a gas. Helium, it's a gas! It's funny, where's that Angry Birds poster? Is that anywhere close to the stage? Can you get it to me?

Can you get that poster to me? Oh, shoot. I saw this one on the internet. I was very entertained by it. If it can be passed forward. Hey, Doug, I understand if we don't have time, but was Tara supposed to get to throw a donut? Oh, not really.

Okay, cool. I tried, girl. But look at Todd on the Angry Birds poster. Wow. I look good. They got Jeff Tate on there and Guy O'Belum. That's great. Me and, oh, and then the little orange bird is Donald Trump.

Yeah. And she changed it to the Angie Birds movie. So, Angie, great job. Sorry I didn't get chosen, but yeah, that is a good one. We have confirmation from a random audience member. And I think you posted that on Twitter or Instagram or something, so I'll try to retweet that one so people can see it, because it's a really good one. What do you got to plug, Todd? What's coming up for you?

Well, I have a new hour special coming out on Netflix, and then I'm shooting it. No, I already shot it. And then I think that's, oh, and I'm on your show, playing the bailiff on like three episodes. Oh, that's right. Todd's on the high court. And by the way, controlling those people is very hard.

I really tried. They start fighting against each other. It's very difficult. When the litigants yell at each other, Todd becomes a pretty flower. And he doesn't want to mix it up with them. One of the cases was all about one guy punching another guy, and Todd was like, the guy who punched the other guy is wrong.

Spoiler, you guys. But on the show we have different guest bailiffs and we go into the deliberation room after hearing the litigants and then we rip some bong rips and discuss the case and then hopefully make a good decision.

Hey, Doug, I'm going to be honest with you. I probably should have told you this in private. I would love to do your show, and you've asked repeatedly, but I can't play a cop one more time. I'm really sorry. No, I understand. You don't want to get stuck playing cops the rest of your life. Right. Jesus Christ.

What's your next feature film there, Mark? Transformers Super Great Last Night or something like that. It's got the old dude from Westworld who used to eat people in it. It's going to be fucking badass, guys.

Anthony Hopkins is in the new Transformers? Yeah, dude. I didn't want to spoiler alert it when we did that show in Austin, but then people found out, so fuck it. And then, other than that, I'm going to be part of a quick little I'm dropping in to do a comedy bit thing February 23rd at UCB.

That's at UCB Franklin. That's at 930. So if people like themselves, they should come see me in person. And other than that, we just started working on Daddy's Home 2. Oh, okay. I didn't know that was going to happen. Yeah, Daddy's Home 2. I mean, Will Ferrell just feels like he's funny when I'm around, so

I told him I'll keep doing movies with him. That's so sweet of you. I try to help, dude. All right. Thanks again to all the people that made such amazing name tags. And just for being here and selling out this show. I always appreciate it. And one more time for all my guests, Chip Chantry, Todd Glass, and Mark Otter Wahlberg. Yeah, you can just set it down on the stage, though.

They'll come grab it. They'll come grab their name tag back. As always... What does this say? Oh, the... Okay, got it. I just didn't understand what that number was about. Ashley. Well, this is going to be kind of redundant, but...

As usual, the 39% that still approve of our current president are a shithead. Now it's time for... You know, it wasn't a bad call to start the music because Donald Trump is a shit. Thanks again to HBO's new show, Crashing, for sponsoring us today.

Crashing stars Pete Holmes, our good buddy Pete Holmes, as Pete, and this is a different Pete than one you know from Douglas movies he's a sheltered suburbanite who married his childhood sweetheart and dreams of making it as a stand-up comedian but when he finds out his wife cheated on him

Pete's world unravels, plunging him into the deep end of the rough and tumble New York comedy scene, where he crashes on other people's couches and in the process learns hard lessons about life and himself. Crashing premieres tonight at 10.30 on HBO.

Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies