Doug Loves Movies - Tom Brady, Nikki Glaser, Doogie Horner and Trey Galyon guest

Episode Date: May 2, 2016

Live from The Improv in Washington DC, Doug welcomes Tom Brady, Nikki Glaser, Doogie Horner and Trey Galyon to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. There's something about, I don't know why I came up with a theme song that,

you know, this is obviously a great club. They got a great sound. They know what they're doing. But the theme song, the way it just starts like, Doug hates,

like it just starts. Like there's no, there should just be like a few notes before the words start because there's always like a volume adjustment. Like when you listen

to the podcast, we fix it or whatever. But the live audience always gets, volume adjustment. Like when you listen to the podcast, we fix it or whatever, but the live audience always gets Sticky Rabbit. Like it just suddenly gets louder, like several words into it. It's like, it's Candy Rabbit!

I don't even know the words to it. My name is Doug and I love movies! I always feel guilty making people wait for that part. My name is Doug and I love movies! This is I Love Movies! I always feel guilty making people wait for that part. But on the other hand, there's kind of a sickness that makes me want to talk forever

before finally giving everybody their cue. It's been way too long since I've been here. June of last year, if my memory serves properly, correctly. The Improv in Washington, D.C. First of all, I gotta thank you guys for selling out this place instead of, like, you all had tickets to the correspondence dinner tonight, but you were like, fuck that noise. The true politics are going to be happening

in a basement on Connecticut. Is that what street this is? So, uh, I was so happy I might have gotten that right. It's Saturday, April 30th, 2016. Let me see your name tags you guys I know

I know there's lots of them I saw a bunch of them on Twitter today and it's pretty impressive

oh my god they were like slow to rise up but man oh my good there's so many. Avatar what?

Avatar. Avatar. And then you just put, my face is so big on that one. Jordan in real life with Doug Benson. And Jordan's face is on the pancakes. In New York City, it was my face on the pancakes. I do not like that. Catch me if you damn.

Why? Oh, I get it. It's Leonardo DiCaprio, and then instead of Tom Hanks, it's a bear. I know, right? Totally should be picked. Where's the one I saw on the internet today that has edward herman on it it's like a beverly hillbillies thing where is it they wouldn't print it at kinko's the movie was richie rich yeah and it was a bunch of people in a car

and i got what you're going for is like werner Werner Herzog and Sam Levine and Mark Wahlberg. But then, fucking, why was Edward Herman... Why did you Photoshop a dead guy from Gilmore Girls and Lost Boys? He was really in the movie. He didn't make the cut on the poster. He wasn't on the poster and he should have been. So you corrected a wrong for the late, great Edward Herman. Well, fucking Kinkos, man.

Fuck them. Yeah, I wish I could do an anti-ad for Kinkos. Like, could everybody here just not use Kinkos? Alright, let's do that. It's easy for me to boycott them, because I never have to print up a name tag. You guys can put them down now, sorry about that. But, um, arms's do that. I mean, it's easy for me to boycott them because I never have to print up a name tag.

But you guys can put them down now. Sorry about that. But arms are getting tired. But my arms are getting tired watching you hold them up. But yeah, Kinko's, they could suck it. Like they got this weird, we can't reproduce copyrighted materials thing, which is just like,

what one of these stupid movies that you guys make a poster for is going to be like, um, excuse me, but that might seriously cut into our revenue. It's Richie Rich, after all. Jerks. But also the person that works there

that says they can't do it is just doing their job. But that's one of those things where they could look the other way, probably. And no one would care. You know what happens to the name tags mostly after these shows? I see them just discarded. People, when they don't get chosen, they just sadly throw it on the ground. Or at the end of this show I always

place them on the stage for the you know the people can come back and get their name tag if they want to keep it for whatever reason and more often than not they just leave just like what am I gonna need that for again my dream is dead Doug's plugs

next Saturday that'll be May 7th I'm doing stand up at Doug's plugs next Saturday that'll be May 7th I'm doing stand up at 420 at Zany's in Rosemont, Illinois O'Hare adjacent and also I think

I thought they were sold out but there might be they might have released some seats for the May the 4th be with you episode of Doug Loves Movies

also at Rosemont which you know was where I would always talk about Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill. But now it's called Toby Keith's We Didn't Do Things Legally and Now We're Not a Thing. I mean, I don't know why they got shut down,

but that seems like a legit reason. I don't want to say something that's wrong and they get mad at me. But that could be a first. Like a first person gets sued for saying something on a podcast. Because podcasts are mostly our little secret. Yeah, right?

That's why I applaud if you're a boyfriend or girlfriend or somebody just made you come to this because they listen that's so hilarious to me and those are the people that yell out answers when they're not supposed to or overly enthusiastic people too, which I understand that a lot. I'm going to be flying from Rosemont and O'Hare right into Denver to do some shows on Mother's Day. The Douglas movies is sold out, but I'm doing a Benson movie interruption at the Alamo Drafthouse in Littleton

that's right outside of Denver, a suburb of Denver. I'm doing that Throw Mama from the Train, because it's going to be Mother's Day. And it's too soon to do the new movie called Mother's Day, which I'll probably

do next year. And douglasmovies.com for all my upcoming stuff. From the corrections department, the correct title is What Happened Miss Simone? And I'm sure Judy Gold feels terrible about getting it wrong. And someone else pointed out to me that Nicole Kidman

is not in Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas. At the time, it didn't make a lot of sense, but sometimes that's how celebrity cameos are. They're just kind of like, what? Why did that happen? So let's look in the prize bag, you guys. so let's look in the prize bag you guys a Douglas movies shirt a hat I got last night at a show

from Jailbreak Brewing Company yeah you like them? they make good beers they were letting us taste the beers I'm not a beer drinker so I didn't have any I just stuck to my Tito's. Ran into these fellas in Portland, a band called Caveman.

They gave me a couple of their shirts. I'm going to give one to you guys and keep one for myself, which is pretty much my life in general now. A sippy cup that I got that I drank some vodka out of while watching Fiddler on the Roof. Very good,

very good production of that show. Some CD called Matt, somebody named Matt Angus. Yeah, I don't know what that is. Oh, because, you know, this is the last one I have of these,

but it felt very appropriate. It's just one episode on DVD of The West Wing. Yeah, I don't just get on a plane blindly and not think about where I'm going. Also, I thought about you guys because marijuana is legal here, and this is a fun little rubber pipe

from a company called Peacemaker. And then I've got two VHSs from my personal collection. And I went full Buffy for you guys. Because those are the ones that get the best reaction. An episode called Go Fish. I think that might be the one where Xander joins the swim team.

I don't think so. And another one called Bad Eggs, which that's probably a good one, because the villains on that show, even the ones that were just on for an episode, were generally pretty awesome. And then from an enterprising audience member, and I'm not trying to encourage anybody else

to do this sort of shit, but here we go. Oh, there's... What was this they left on stage? What is this thing? It's a Superman versus Batman cup? Yeah, okay. But, yeah, somebody put that on stage,

but they don't want credit for it. They just... Oh, it's you? Okay, I guess you do want credit. I knew you'd hate it. I drink out of it. I don't hate that movie so much that I couldn't just drink out of a cup with their images on it.

Prove it! If I was thirsty, you know. What do you mean, prove it? I'm not going to drink out of it right now. You're with that guy. You guys put some weird shit in that cup. But also, somebody got this backstage. They gave it to a lovely improv employee.

And the note on the front says, Doug, gift for prize bag from the host of Super Critical, a DC-based podcast that overanalyzes movies about nuclear weapons. Somebody out there, it's good! I mean, I've been told, like, some people have said to me, I can't believe you do a show that's just about movies. Isn't that a rather restricting...

Isn't that a small subject? And I'm just like, well, wait till you hear about this show. And why isn't your Twitter name at Super Critical the name of the show? Your Twitter name is Nuclear Podcast. I guess Super Critical was probably taken because, you know, that's just some, you know, some jerk that that's their name on Twitter because all they do is just attack everything. It's an asshole excuse. But anyway, Tim and Joel brought this,

and it's a copy of Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. So yeah, you've got to talk about that one on a nuclear show. Nukes have been in a lot of movies, but I'm just skeptical about the long range, to use a

missile term. I'm skeptical. It's a hit in Russia. North Koreans love it. And they also glued on here a bonus movie pog, and it's a pog for the film Jaws.

Yeah. And you should check out... There's a new... I'm starting a podcast called Amity Island, and it's all we talk about is movies that have sharks in them. Exclusively. Alright, let's get my guests out here, you guys, because they've got stuff.

They've got stuff to contribute to the bag as well. Please welcome Tom Brady, Nikki Glaser, Trey Gallion, and Doogie Horner. Tray, is it cool if I just call you Troy? Because I just called you Troy accidentally. You can call me Troy.

I apologize for that. Yeah, let's start with her, everybody. Troy Glazer is here. I like it. Troy. Host of Not Safe with Troy on Comedy Central. Doug, you were on it. Yeah, I did the program.

You were great. And I had a lovely time. Thank you. Good. It was a great subject and a great host. Thanks, dude. When do you hear about, like, is there any news yet about?

Yeah, we're coming back June 7th with 10 more episodes. Yay! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. But I heard you're switching it up and you're only going to talk about movies that have nuclear war in them.

That's what Troy wants. Interesting choice. Good luck with it. Thank you. Also, congratulations on your starring role in the motion picture Trainwreck. You did a great job on that. Thank you so much.

Yes. Yes. I great job on that. Thank you so much. Yes. Yes. Very busy. And you're headlining this weekend here at the Improv. Both your shows tonight are probably sold out already. They is. Yeah, so. They is. Great job. Thank you. Going up against the correspondence

dinner. Those tables are coming tonight. Are you going tonight? Oh, you're just applauding that. You're just proud of me. Okay, cool. Thank you. Thanks so much. And what do you got for the prize bag, Nikki? Tom Brady is my feature

act this weekend and he is has my little gift bag of stuff. Thank you so much. It is a pot holder that's a pot leaf. It's a pot holder. Pot holder. It is a rubber pot leaf pot holder. It's fun.

It's really on the nose, isn't it, you guys? I'm totally convinced. It is fun because I said it is, all right? It can't not be. Pass that down here. Okay, there you go. It seems like... You won't burn your hands.

Yeah, but also, a whole outfit made of this material could be, if you wear it this way in, could be an excellent feeling. Yeah. Wow. And what kind of store is this? Just this hanging?

Is that how crazy things are in D.C. with legalization? Yeah. This is just toys are us. Yep. It wasn't a store for like kids stuff. Yeah. There were kids toys in it. And that was that was just hanging there.

And I was like, yeah, this is it. This is what I'm going to get. It's not the best potholder. It doesn't like, if you're using it with your hand. You should be able to wear it like a mitt. Yeah. It's just like, we just didn't want to use the other side. We just didn't.

Hang on. I got to grab this hot plate. We can make twice as many if we just don't put the other side on and make it a glove. Yeah. So then imagine a stone. Yeah. A stoned person actually trying to use that thing. You're going to end up with burns.

Yeah. It's more like a cup holder. Like, it's just like a, just put something on it. A placemat. It's a Christmas tree ornament. Perfect. There we go. There we go, guys.

They just switch up their marketing around September. All right. She mentioned him already. First time guest on the program, Tom Brady is here, everybody. Thanks for having me, guys. Thanks, Doug. Yeah, nice to meet you and have you here. And you came very highly recommended.

Hell yeah. Apparently you listen to the program. I do. I love it. It's great. Great show. There you go. Nothing can go wrong already. It'd be weird if I hated it. I'm like, you guys are fucking idiots. Why did you come here? No, I love it. He loves it. He's my best friend.

Yeah, Nicky's bestie. Jeff Tate is on a lot and he speaks highly of the experience. Oh, yeah. No, Jeff Tate, it a lot and he speaks highly of it. The experience. Oh yeah. Jeff Tate, it's changed his life. It really has. He just was going to open a cheers bar before this and now he has a life.

He was just going to drink himself to death. He's a nice man. I don't know why I'm sitting on it. I told him that John Ratzenberger just randomly started following me on Twitter. And he got so excited because we both felt like, well, I could just get John Ratzenberger to be on Jeff's podcast. Or have Jeff with him on mine. And I wrote back to him. And I don't think he knows how Twitter works.

I don't think Cliff from Cheers is really an avid Twitterer. He's a Vine guy, I heard. Oh, he's more of a Vine dude? He avid Twitterer. He's a Vine guy, I heard. Oh, he's more a Vine dude? He's Vine, yeah. He's a Vine fan. So Tom's doing shows here all weekend with Nikki. Yes. And you had two shows last night?

Two shows last night, two tonight. Super fun, right? Super fun. This club's awesome. DC Improv, baby. It's such a good club. It really is. DC Improv.

Can I pander anymore? I love this club and all the people who sit in it. I just wish this club had a back alley. I wish there was a dumpster somewhere. It just sounds like you want to do an abortion or something. That's kind of like what you are. It took me a second to figure that out. Just a convenient dumpster right there with a back alley.

If I didn't know who you were. We thought Doug Benson was up to something else this whole time. I am not going to meet him out back by the dumpster. Yeah, that's valid. But that's why legalization is so great,

is we won't have to stand out and back by the dumpster. I mean, technically, we're not supposed to do it in public at all. But I've smoked out here on Connecticut, and there were no problems. So we'll see what happens. Thursday night after my stand-up show, it was just late, and I was high and drunk already, so I sort of forgot to go outside

and hang out with people, and so I got some tweets that weren't too happy about that. Sorry, guys. It's one of those nights we got caught up in the green room. Right, but also buying a ticket, I mean, as much as I,

I appreciate ticket buyers more than anything, that's all I want people to do is buy my tickets and then enjoy what I present when they arrive. But that's the end of the obligation for me. Hard line in this. Word. But at the same time, I meet with fans all the time. So some get disappointed because they hear about incidents where I join them after the time. So it's like, so some get disappointed because they hear about incidents where I, you know, join them after the show.

And so then they, you know, they come to demand it. Yeah. You're the only comic I feel like people expect that. Like, nobody wants to huff gas

with Doug Stanhope after a show. You know, like, nobody's like, nobody expects that from him, you know?

I love Doug Stanhope. What am I doing? Am I just shitting on people? If the people sitting in these seats over here wanted to smoke with me after the show, I would have to do it, because those seats are fucked up. It's like we went and watched

Doug's colorful coat block the entire show. We couldn't see anything. So yeah, whenever you guys think of it, just like lean forward or back. Give them something over there. Because otherwise they're like, I could have just listened to the podcast. I could have just thrown a green

coat over my face and listened to the podcast. Stared at a photo of Doug from the side. Let's say hi to frequent Doug from the side. Let's say hi to frequent guests on the program. Doogie Horner, everybody. Thank you. Oh, wait.

Sorry, Doogie. What did Tom bring for the prize bet? Yeah, what'd you bring? Keep it to yourself, Doogie. I got a... What happened to the pants? Weight in line, Dukes. Now I'm mad.

I brought hot Cheeto fries, because I love those when I'm high. He loves them. Yeah, I thought they'd be a good time. I also brought a joke book that I found. It's called Jokes Every Woman Should Know. It's women-specific for some reason. Can I read one real quick?

Please. Yes, please do. This is a joke that every woman should know. If you're a woman right now and you don't know this joke, I don't know if you really are a woman. Okay. Okay.

How do you stop a werewolf from howling in the back of a car? Put him in the front seat. Huh? Every woman should know that. If you have a werewolf, you know that common issue?

Wait, is this a book of jokes or simple solutions? What is a joke but a simple solution? How do you get a wine stain out of your pants? Put some club soda on it. It's all club soda right there. How do you get cat hair out of your sweater?

Shake it. Buy a lint roller. Shake it. Shake the cat? Shake it off. Shake it off. That's what that song's about. And then I also brought a koozie from my stupid podcast

called Girls Night with Tom Brady. It's a party podcast for women to dance to, as it says on the logo. So, take that, you dumb pieces of shit. I don't know what. What a great contribution to the prize bag. Thank you so much. Thank you.

So, wait, your podcast is lady themed too? It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's mostly about werewolves. I'm trying to speak to the women, man. Where my ladies at with them werewolves? Really?

Didn't realize the werewolf thing was so big with you guys. Let's see what these things go for retail. Ah, smooth. Leave the receipt in the bag. I do that with my gifts, too. Like, if I give somebody a birthday present, I leave the receipt in. I want you to know what's up.

I didn't spend this for nothing. Potholder, $1. $10. You guys went to a place called Chocolate Moose? Yeah. Chocolate Moose. Yeah. It's convenient.

It's only right there. Convenient. Thank you. I'll write that off. All right. Sorry about that, Doogie. I didn't know we were going to read a book before getting back to you. But you wrote a book as well.

Yes. So I brought a copy of my book, Some Very Interesting Cats Perhaps You Weren't Aware Of. It's a pretty great book. Short stories and illustrations about cats. illustrations about cats. And then I also brought a little patch that Nikki thought was a Girl Scout patch.

I said, I don't think it is. It says it's a bowl of shit with a spoon on it. I would have won that one. And it said shit. And it's also the Girl Scout patch for eating shit. Yeah.

No. So it's a patch and you can sew it on your jean jacket. Sorry I'm so distracted, Doogie, but... They even have monitors for people that are in places where they can't see. Oh, I didn't even see that. But those people I just talked about can't even see the monitors. can't even see the monitors. I'm too easily distracted by that sort of shit.

But that's going in the prize bag. Yeah. Thank you very much for bringing that. And you have a new recent comedy album that is out, right? I also have a new comedy album. I don't have the CDs or vinyls of it yet, but it's called The Delicate Man. And you can get it on iTunes, or you could probably, let's be honest,

listen to it for free on Spotify. The original title was Jokes That Every Delicate Man Should Know. And they said, the audience is too small. It's just asthmatics, and we've got to widen it. All right, and last but not, well, he's last. There's no other way to describe it. I don't have anyone else to introduce.

It's Trey Gallion, everybody! Thanks, DC. What's up? You guys are awesome. Having some fun in this town. Do you remember the Adam Sandler character, Cajun Man? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Because of him, there's like a ton of people in my life that I know that when they say my name, ever since he did that bit, it was always like, Benson. And so I always want to do it with Galleon. And you do. You do it pretty regularly. But just not as pronounced. do it with Galleon And you do When I say your name You do it pretty regularly Yeah But just not as pronounced It's always Galleon

It's very slight I like it Alright, cool Puerto Rico Oh, right on What did that guy yell? It's a Puerto Rican thing Oh, let's

Don't worry Nobody's going to get stabbed Nobody's going to get stabbed It's a friendly thing Could you take him out Please remove him from me It's a friendly thing. Please remove him from me. It's a Puerto Rican thing. Yelling out, you mean? JFK, just fucking kidding.

Alright, now somebody's gonna get stabbed. Now somebody's gonna get stabbed. I won't do it in front of you guys. Too many witnesses. Well, when you say someone's gonna get stabbed, you're just referring to making love I'm gonna stab that shit

Someone's gonna get fucked up Took all the sting out of it We had an interesting day Yesterday me and Trey Because we went out To Silver Spring, Maryland To see a couple of bands play Red, Gold, Green And and Dirty Heads.

Yeah, they're really good. Both terrific bands you should check out. That's okay. I mean, you know, whatever. I'm telling them about them, so now they're going to check it out, and next time they hear the names, they're going to clap. Yeah. So we decided to go out early to beat the traffic,

getting out of D.C. on a Friday afternoon. Smart thinking. Yeah. And we thought, well, as long as we're out here early, we're going to go see a matinee of Keanu. Awesome. So excited to see those guys, Keegan-Michael, Peele, and Jordan Key.

And we went in, got our seats. A few other people in the room. Not many. Not a lot. It was a nice crowd. It was all right. I mean, I like to see a comedy like that with a packed house,

but you know, we would have had good giggles. Did you hear that word we would have had? Because here's what happened. We're watching the cocksucking trailers. Right. And every goddamn one of them is for a children's animated trailers. Right. And every goddamn one of them is for a children's animated movie. Yeah.

And that is not how trailers work. We should have been seeing every movie that had black people in it. Or crime. Right. Or, at the very least, is R-rated and a comedy. That's the kind of trailers we should have seen. I thought for sure the rock

Kevin Hart one we were gonna see for sure but no more animated ones one after the other and after each one because also it's not fun watching a bunch of those in a row it shows how fucking uh you know uninspired uh animation has become and they just put out each studio that does animation puts out a new thing every three months and it makes a shit ton of money because every goddamn stupid kid makes their parents take them to it. There is a lot of voiceover work out there right now. There were voices that didn't match, or at least their own does a voice of something

in some animal. It doesn't even make any sense that that voice would come out of that animal. The Secret Life of Pets looks pretty fun. That's the one that looks good. But anyway, so we're sitting through these things, and I'm thinking, this isn't going to be Keanu. No, yeah, third one in.

We're going to get fucked on this. Yeah, and I was like, yeah, dude, we're seeing way too many animated trailers. So at one point, I get up and get out of my seat and kind of walk into the lobby, and it's one of those theaters where, you know, employees are super scarce, and there's a guy taking tickets

who you know that's not the guy to talk to about anything. He takes the ticket and says, it's down that way. But yeah, he wasn't going to solve a projector problem at all. Yeah, and also it's a problem where you walk up to a manager and go, the trailers make me feel like the movie's not going to be right. Yeah. You just seem like a lunatic. Yeah. You just seem like a lunatic. Yeah. So...

I don't have a good feeling about where these trailers are leading me. So there's this new animated movie out called Ratchet and Clank, which already just seems awful on every level. Oh, Ratchet's a word that's popular right now. Let's put it on a kid's movie. Oh, ratchet's a word that's popular right now.

Let's put it on a kid's movie. Oh, it's a kid's video game. Oh, it is? It's a video game, and now it's a movie. It needs to stay a video game. So that movie proceeds to start, and Trey and I are immediately out of our seats, headed towards the door,

and I'm even saying out loud to the room, in case they were interested, this is not Keanu. Which they didn't seem to really pick up on right away because we were the only ones that stood up

to walk out. Yeah, well. And then as soon as you said that. And then eventually when we went back in because they said we'll show the movie

we'll work it out and we'll show Keanu sorry about the problem. When we went back in, there was a ton of people still sitting there. It was like a new batch of people. It was like a weird Bizarro thing. Did they flip theaters on a thingy,

and now there's a new crowd here? What the fuck is going on, man? Yeah, there was more people than when we... And we didn't see them walk by us. When we left, we never saw them walk in. They were like switchies. They were like people that switch movies. And then once they got in for Keanu,

they were like sitting there like, what is this animated thing? Might as well keep watching in case it turns into Keanu. It was very similar to like a weird acid trip where you're like, oh, this could go either way right now. And here's the worst part. So they couldn't get uh they had problems getting kiana once they said sorry that we'll give you your money back we're like okay whatever and we

just went to a bar and drank instead because i wasn't gonna like settle for like oh i'll watch batman v superman again what else is out that we could have seen i don't even you know that story i'm glad because when you first said, like, we would have had fun, and you were like, we didn't see it. At first, I was thinking, oh, shooting. That was what the thing, that was like. Good Lord, man. Why? Because we're in D.C.?

Or is it something, that's just what you got on the brain? Just theater, like, we didn't get to see the movie. That was my first thought. So I'm glad it was just like a kid's movie. Trey and I were the only survivors, because one guy did shoot the place up because he was Trey and I were the only survivors because one guy did shoot the place up because he was mad. And we were the only survivors

and we were like, since it's not a news story, let's not get into that part. Still doing the show. Yeah, we're trying to. There's some papers that were signed. Look, let's... Don't you think we would have led with that?

I didn't know. I didn't know if that was... She thought you were sociopaths. Yeah, I just didn't know if you care. I mean you were sociopaths. Yeah, I just didn't know if you care. I mean, as reasons go for a shooting, I think I had my rights to... I was pretty angry. Yeah. But, yeah, it was just frustrating

because it was just like one of those things where you know that's not really their fault. These things just happen. But then, one person there at the theater, and then another person on Twitter goes, when I talk about it, they go, I hate when that happens. That doesn't happen. You don't see the wrong

movie doesn't just start playing. Ever. What? Is this a DC thing? Dude, we were both saying, we're walking back to the theater going, this has never happened. My entire life literally has never happened. We're the wrong.

I've seen at least a hundred movies, you guys. Wow. And that has never happened. You love movies. Should we say the name of the movie theater? No, I didn't say the name of the movie theater.

And I didn't say the parts where we argued with strangers. Cause I, which was, I wanted to, I wanted to just keep it nice. This sassy black lady and Doug got into it but she didn't really know it was Doug because it was still dark in the theater

because she wanted, when they came in and they were like, hey, sorry you guys we're going to show you the movie without the trailers and we were like, word. No trailers. We'd already been there for a half hour and we wanted the movie to start because we had a concert to go to. So then Homegirl's like, maybe I want to see the trailers. Please no more trailers. We'd already been there for a half hour and we wanted the movie to start because we had a concert to go to. So then homegirl's like,

maybe I want to see the trailers. And then it was like, and then Doug was like, well tough shit lady. That's not a quote. Good comeback. It ain't far off. So then she finds.

I said, we've already seen a bunch of trailers. And she said, those were all cartoons. And then you... No, all right. And then, yeah. No, she was like, okay, well, let's vote on it. Yeah.

What? She said, let's vote. She said, let's vote. And it was unanimous. Everyone started yelling, no trailers. No trailers. And then the woman from the theater goes, thought we were all being mean to the old lady

who wanted to see trailers. And she's like, now, now, now. Like she could show the fucking trailers. They couldn't show Keanu. They couldn't show shit. I hope the listeners know how much of a smile this is bringing to my face. Because I don't want to just sound like I'm super angry about it. No, it was fun, man.

Because then we proceeded to have a great night. Because that venue, the Fillmore in Silver Springs, has all these warnings about all the shit you can't bring in that are super scary. And then during the entire show, the entire place just smelled like weed the entire time. Except for us,

because we were too freaked out and didn't bring anything out of town, man. When you don't know the venue, that's like, I didn't want to get a bunch of stuff taken. Yeah, he doesn't want to lose his Prometheus pipe. It's named after a movie that sucks. Right?

Hey, but the pipe is awesome. It's like almost indestructible, Dukes. You don't care. I don't care. I like that movie. The Fillmore. I'll say one more nice thing about the Fillmore, because I guess there's places popping up all over the country

called the Fillmore. It's like a chain or something. But I'll say one more nice thing about the Fillmore because I guess there's places popping up all over the country called the Fillmore. It's like a chain or something. But I'll say about this one. When we went backstage after the show, they had made specially made grinders that said Fillmore on it

and the name of the band and the date. Yeah, yeah. And the band didn't give a shit, so Trey and I were like boop, boop, boop. Just scooping those things up. So look for those in a future prize bag Or on the table Or come over to my house And I'll let you use it

So Tom So you smoke the reefer? Oh, I mean When my mom's not listening to this podcast You think your mom's gonna check this out? Oh, I mean, when my mom's not listening to this podcast. Yeah, yeah. You think your mom's going to check this out? Oh, she loves it. No way.

No, she doesn't know what a podcast is. Okay, good. I told her about mine. She's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then I, you know, left forever. No, I love it. It's great to have this, like, parents-free cone of you just do your thing and not in your head about how your parents are there.

Yeah, yeah. When they come to your live show, that always sucks. Yeah, you got to cut out all the shit. You got to take the word come out of your ass. I don't change anything, but I feel terrible about it. Yeah. So, Tom, that means would you be willing to come on Getting Doug with High? I would love to.

All right. We just made a booking, you guys. Nice. Hell yeah. We got the Tom Brady. God damn it. The most famous Tom Brady is going to be. So many views on that one.

Yeah, we're not even going to show your picture. It'll be total clickbait if we just honestly say Tom Brady's on the show. Are you going to make me support Trump? That's his thing, right? We're going to need you. Yeah, I'm going to get you high, and then you're going to have to endorse somebody. Oh, because those endorsements are so important.

Oh, that guy, that football player likes Trump, then he must be all right. That's how I choose my candidates. I see who endorsed them. That's a smart way to do it. That guy never got hit in the head ever. He knows how to tell the truth! Alright, so let's go down the line real quick here.

Wait, hey, you want my gifts, man? Oh, please. Yeah, sorry. Alright. Well, because I'm pretty happy about them. I got an apple fritter from Krispy Kreme. Okay. Took all my willpower to not throw that into the audience.

I knew it. I knew it. This is one of the grinders from last night. Yeah. That the band was nice enough to give to us. Look for those real soon in the prize bag. They all rubbed their ball sack on it, but it's awesome, man. It's from them

specifically. All right. And then I didn't bring my CD, but I brought $10, and I wrote on there that you got to buy my CD online with that $10 when you win it. It's on there. All the information's on there. It'd be great if everybody

that this came into their possession from now on. Buys my CD. Oh, I got to buy this now? Okay. I maybe thought about that while I was writing it on there. Okay, and then last thing, I brought you guys a Philadelphia Flyers puck. Ooh.

Ah, just kidding. Just kidding. I had to get in one last one. You guys won, and I'm happy for you. Beat the Pens. But I did bring you this was the first semi-pro hockey team in Austin

back in the day, the Austin Ice Bats. And it's got a nice creepy logo and shit. Be great if everybody booed again. Be great if everybody booed the Austin Ice Bats. Really? Granted, they couldn't come up with a better name for the team.

Did they all have dreadlocks? Were they all white guys with dreadlocks in Austin? Playing hockey? Yeah, playing hockey. Yeah, no. It was all Canadians they shipped down. Guys that are never going to make it to the NHL. God bless them.

They're going to be driving around. I love the angry bat on this thing. I love it. And then the live mascot was even weirder and creepier. It scared kids. Literally, they had to change them because too many kids were crying. They'd run up on them and they'd

be like, ah! So you can just make up animals? Some of these teams, it's just ice whatever. Knoxville's the ice bears, the ice scorpions, the ice mud bugs. Just fucking name it the name of the animal. Why do you have to put ice in there?

Ice mud skippers. Yeah. The icy ducks. The ice tarantulas. The ice ice babies. Oh. Nikki won the first game. Ice try guys Tom Brady what was the last movie that you saw

So I recently watched The movie Punchline Have you seen the movie Punchline It's kind of a documentary Yeah I mean you get it If you ever want to do comedy It's the way to It explains everything you need to know.

After your set, you go down to your locker room and you buy your jokes at a laundromat. That's how it starts. Sally Field buys jokes at a laundromat. It's so funny, the depiction of stand-up, because Sally Field is in this club

watching Tom Hanks murder, and she's like, how will I be that funny one day? And it cuts to him in the background doing the most offensive Asian impression of all time. He's just like, ching chong, bing bong. And it's murdering. So punchline. Check it out. Is that a good endorsement?

So it holds up is what you're saying. It's accurate. It's basically my act, to be honest. It's messed up. And they use a lot of real comedians in some of the parts, but then also just parts of random people, like a priest is played by a comedian. It's just very

odd movie, and I haven't seen it in a long time. I should do an interruption of it or something. Oh my god, it would be perfect for that. It's so crazy all the way throughout. If I recall correctly, Tom Hanks' character is in a contest to get a set on The Tonight Show, which no contest ever existed like that.

And he's in a contest to get a set on the show, and he just tells Sally Field, I've decided to do a whole new set tonight. I'm going to try out a whole new piece. And he gets up there, and of course it just kills. This thing that he just thought of that day and went on and did the whole thing. That's not how it works. It's not, Nikki. That's what I do every time.

That's how I got to Tonight Show. Nikki's got a Comedy Central special that just aired recently. Yeah, it's called Perfect. Perfect. So you thought of it that day what you were going to say and you're like, and I'm going to call it perfect because it is.

Yes. The whole thing just on the spot. Yeah. Um, that just aired. Um, but I, in terms of movies,

I haven't seen, I saw lemonade. Does that count? It felt like, um, it's an hour. Um, I'm sorry. It needs to be hour in five minutes.

I'm sorry, it needs to be at least 76 minutes. Okay. It's a number I chose because we're in D.C. 76. Oh, okay. That'd work better in Philly, yo. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

You're right. I'll give you the puck if you want. No, go ahead. Somebody sent me a picture of the Liberty Bell and it said marijuana's been legalized in Philly

and I go with that picture the headline should have been crack has been legalized but anyway go ahead Nikki what movie did you see the most recent movie

I watched private parts for the first time as an adult and I first time as an adult. First time as an adult. First time as a Paul Giamatti fan. Yes. And it's fucking great.

It's a really good movie. It was so good. He's a great actor. And the first time as a Howard Stern fan. I just watched it as a kid, and now I'm so obsessed with Howard Stern. And I went back and was like, I gotta watch it. And it's just so good. And I related to the part where he jokes about his wife's miscarriage on air. And she's like, how could you do that?

And I've done that so many times on air. Not about my miscarriage, but I would. Not Howard's wife's miscarriage? I would joke about personal things. And people in my life are like, how could you do that? And I'm like, but we just laughed about it. And I just found a lot of, you relate to it a lot as a comedian. And it's just a fucking great movie.

Yeah, that's why I think he never did another one because he's just like, I don't want to take a chance of not being in a good one. God, and they're all so good in it. And his wife, it's funny though, because you end it and you're like, oh my God, he's really gonna, him and his all so good in it. And his wife, it's funny, though, because you end it, and you're like, oh, my God, he's really going to, him and his wife have a great thing.

And then. Right, totally. You know, you're like, wow. Yeah, it's a total happy ending. But. It kind of is a happy ending. Then you look at his wife, his situation with his wife now, and you're like, oh, it just mimics the same thing.

They have a really great, they have the best marriage that I can even think of, him and Beth O right now. I'm like, oh, it's the same thing. He's in the same place with her.

I'm like, oh, yeah. But she really went into it. He grew into, he just spun records when he was married to the first wife initially.

So he grew into being a shock jock. Whereas Beth is probably like a life, she's probably a fan from when she was a first wife initially, you know, so he grew into being a shock jock. Whereas Beth is probably like a life, she's probably a fan from when she was a teenager. And, you know, and is just comfortable with how open he is,

you know? And so it's working great. Yeah. But I just, good for them. God, that movie's so good. Yeah.

And the girls was like riding the speaker. That was so fucking weird. But like, Oh, you guys don't do that all the time? I love it. Don't ruin any illusions for me. And now it Oh, you guys don't do that all the time? I love it. Don't ruin any illusions for me.

And now it's like so... Like that, the stuff he got away with, you can't get away with now. Like that's... No, like he's the reason for a lot of the laws now. As far as that concerns.

It's more censored now. Anyway, I love it. Okay. Yeah. Good choice. That's a good one. Thank you. I've actually been thinking about checking that movie out again trey uh not keanu okay moving on and i ratchet and clank or

whatever it's called i like uh i don't know how it's spelled i don't know i don't i don't even i don't know anything about it so like people on twitter were asking me well what movie uh did they play instead of keanu like that's the important part of the story and uh and not keanu that's that's what i'd write back yeah not keanu nah i didn't see the uh kingsman the secret service oh that's a great that's a good one have you seen is that your impression of sam jackson in that movie such a weird lisp the whole time. Fucking great. Yeah, that's one of those I can just watch again and again. Just get nice and high. Again's not a good

lisping word. No, it's not. Lispers can say again all day long. Again. Again. Yeah. Against is real trouble. They don't want to be against something. Oh, that was Sylvester the Cat

Speaking of cats Doogie makes cat drawings And what was the last movie you saw? Last movie I saw In the theater was Green Room Which was fantastic Isn't that a fun ride? Intense

There were a couple parts I didn't see Because I threw my hands up in front of my face because I knew what was about to happen and I didn't want it seared into my memory for the rest of my life. Yeah, there's some gnarliness that when I think about that movie, it pops into my head and makes me unhappy,

but it's very well done, I think. I especially like the whole punk rock, the band, the milieu. They really... It feels like it's just It could almost just be an indie movie about a punk band and then it you know becomes a horror show Yeah, it's a unique world in it because it's so specific. It makes the people seem more real yes, which I Even in horror movies from the last from the last few years even when people rave about a horror movie

I go and I'm just like I'm always let down because I don't give a shit if anybody lives or dies like it's gotta be about the character and the people yeah

a lot of times you're even supposed to hate them kinda yeah like kinda laugh at their oh they got fucked or whatever

I'd rather just like a person that's in a shitty situation you know trying to get out you know and that's how I felt about that movie can I talk to you that's how I felt about that movie. Can I talk to you about another film I saw recently

that we were discussing it backstage? You're doing a move like you're a salesman. Can I interest you in this one over here? You sure you don't need some full-term coverage? There's no reason to leave yet. I've got another one. Are you concerned about your future? Have you thought about life insurance?

Let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of making money? I'm excited about what I think you're going to talk about. If I'm not right, then we'll talk about what you want to talk about. I think you're going to mention that you... Ratchet and crank. No! That you have a coloring book coming out

that you made. You did the art. It's a coloring book for a comic like a coloring book coming out that you made you did the art and it's a coloring book for the movie Die Hard yes that's correct yeah so

that's gonna be in a prize bag someday I hope I will bring that so it was funny I was talking to Harper Collins adult coloring books

are hot right now and so an editor from Harper Collins asked me if I had any coloring book ideas and i was like well how about like 80s movies and she said i like that idea but we would have to buy the rights and and that's expensive and so we're not gonna do it and i said okay and then the next day she called me and she's like we bought the rights to die hard and she like listed my cousin

vinnie i'm like who was somebody wants to my the My Cousin Vinny coloring book? Really? I loved, when I draw the courtroom scenes, I feel like I'm there and it's my job. So we ended up doing Die Hard. And so I had to watch the whole movie. I had to do screen grabs of the whole thing. Every second I did a screen grab. So 7,000 screen grabs. So I rewatched the film for the like 100th time and I noticed something.

I've never... he noticed something. No, I know. Now, you, maybe, so far everybody, I've mentioned this too,

hasn't, they said, oh, I never really thought of that. Maybe I'm going to say it and you're going to think, yeah, everybody knows that it's stupid, it's obvious.

But, so, at the beginning of the film when he goes to see Holly for the first time in her office and the coked up guy is like talking about the watch. He's like, show him the watch, when he goes to see Holly for the first time in her office, and the coked-up guy's talking about the watch, he's like,

Show him the watch, Holly. It's a Rolex. And the reason they broke up, or the reason their marriage is on the rocks, is because they're both too involved with their separate careers. And so as Bruce Willis is trying to save the building from the terrorists, well, they're not really terrorists. Whoever said we were terrorists? He's also, more importantly, trying to save the building from the terrorists who are not really terrorists. Whoever said we were terrorists? He's also, more importantly, trying to save his marriage. And those two storylines converge when they

kidnap Holly. So, at the very end, when John shoots Alan Rickman, and he falls out the window, and he's... I hope I'm not ruining the movie. I hope you guys have seen Die Hard. Hans Gruber is hanging on to Holly's hand and he won't let go

and he's slowly pulling his gun up and they can't get him to let go of Holly's hand and how do they finally get him to let go? They unclasp the watch. And it's the watch, he took it off of that guy after he killed him? No, no, the watch, that's a metaphor. The watch was the...

Wait, what? Wait, Hart Bachner's the one that's got the Rolex. No, no, Holly has the Rolex. They gave her a Rolex as a bonus at her job. And so when they unclassed the Rolex and Hans Gruber falls to his death, that's a metaphor for Holly is going to quit her job and that they're going to get back together.

She got chills. Anybody else get goosebumps? Goosebumps very easily, but I saw goosebumps and I didn't, I didn't get that. I did just tickle you. Oh, that was what it was.

That feather you got rubbing me. So have you ever, have you ever noticed that before? And am I right? Or I never thought about it that way, but I don't think it's something you notice. It's something that you have to think about. Yeah.

Right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's like, it's not, I thought it was going to be, I was trying to grasp for something where it was like, oh, all this time we didn't know that the reason he dies

is because he's wearing the watch of that other dead guy. But it's just a watch's metaphor. It was a metaphor. It's symbolism, but it makes me like the film less now because I'm like, why does she have to quit her job?

Why doesn't he just move to LA? Well, then make it a metaphor for something else. But I'm positive that's what it is now. Maybe she's tired of it. Well, you did that to yourself. Maybe she just wants to move on. Maybe she doesn't like her job. Or John McClane hired those terrorists

to convince his wife that he's a hero who punches reporters. That guy was even on the payroll. Yeah. That'd be an interesting way to look at it. That would explain why Alan Rickman winks at Bruce Willis so much in the film. Hello, John, who I've never met.

What's your name again? John McClane? The scene where Hans Gruber changes his voice because he's meeting John McClane in person. Bill. Yeah, Bill.

Clay. So good. Yeah, Bill Clay. So good. Yeah, just that, and then Bruce Willis figuring it out. Oh, it's so good. It's just, it's really, that's good cinema. I wish I'd been like,

do you ever notice that Bill Clay is actually Hans Gruber? He changes his voice and he messed his hair up. But it's the same actor. It's the same actor who actually plays both roles. I mean,

I'm glad everybody loved what you noticed, but I'm still failing to understand why I should give a shit. But, it's significant. It's subtext of the film.

I just thought it was a cool scene, man. Yeah, I just thought that like, you know, the watch came off. Yeah, like,

what's up, bitch? Forgot about the watch. I think John should move to LA everywhere he goes crimes happen it's not like he's not going to find crimes to stop did you know that when McClane New York but when McClane

did you notice Doogie that I noticed this when McClane is falling it's like he's like realizing that he's about to die not McClane, the other guy. Hans Gruber, I fucked it up. All right. Did I see a movie lately? No, I'm midway through a movie on Netflix

and I got to finish it, so I'll tell you about it later. Wait, in the Die Hard soundtrack, is that song, walking on, walking on broken glass? Is that in it? No, I wish. Did you just want to impress everybody with your singing?

That's what's playing. That was awesome. That's what's playing while Hans Gruber falls to his death. But does he walk across glass in it at some point? Yeah, he does. Okay, that's what I meant. You might be thinking of the song. And he dies hard.

He's really hard to kill. Yes, he dies hard. His name is John McClane. Nakatomi Towers is where he hangs out. His wife has a Rolex on her arm. That actually sounds

like a good song. Die hard. He dies hard. He's not easy to kill. Send that to Paul Rust For season two of Love If you haven't seen it on Love A hobby that he has on the show

Is he and his friends write theme songs For movies that don't have a theme song Yeah and it's exactly like that Die hard Now it is done exactly like that. Die hard. Yeah, super fun. Now it is die hard. They don't take an existing... They don't steal

an existing John Williams score. They create a new song. Ratchet and Clank. The best of France. Ruin and Keanu every day. France. Brewing in Keanu every day. One of them's ratchet and the

other's clank. Like it never, whenever they get to clank, it doesn't rhyme with the previous. Just comes to a halt. All right. We've gone way over, you guys. Yeah, we are just...

A lot of... That's surprising. That's surprising. You know, maybe there's people out there that turn it off when the games start and they just listen to the movie talk, so this one's for you. A lot of movie talk in this one.

Let me look at exactly what time we're dealing with. Holy shit. Yeah. Nikki, you might have to just start your set. So, guys. We'll stay up here. I'm in my late 20s. I'm 31.

That's a solid opener. Thank you. Yeah. I got to retire it because I opened my social with it. But it's so hard coming up with a solid opener. Thank you. Yeah. I got to retire it because I opened my social with it. But it's so hard coming up with a new opener. That's a cool poster. How about I'm in my late 20s and I'm 32? It will be that next month.

I'm looking forward to the change. Drop in your life. Thank you. Or sometimes I go, I just turned 28 in March of 2010 or whatever. I say that. That's fun too. You just have different

fun things with your age and you just play around with it. It's a good opener. Math. People like math. Holy shit. Oh shit.

That is the weirdest mic drop. Wow, yeah. Oh, shit. That is the weirdest mic drop. Wow, yeah. Like nothing really. Hey, you guys, it's great to be here. I've never done that before, and I know why. Oh, Lord. It makes you want to do it.

It makes me want to do it. But I will say the hotel left a note in my room. Did they leave that note? It gave me hummus and pitaita and it said, drop the mic. And I was like, all right. You did that. That's why I did that. I wonder if comics who do that get scared like I just did when it happened.

They like drive like cops. They're like, whoa, shit. Mic down, mic down. That's also what a lady comic wants in her hotel room is, we know what you are. We know what you do. We are on to you, ladies. We know when you'll be gone tonight. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

They also know you like hummus. That's true. It is true. I do like hummus. They could have given you anything, but. Let the games begin. All right, all right. Lady and gentlemen, we've got a lot of name tags.

Your work is cut out for you. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Today's episode is brought to you by our friends at Plated.com. Plated is changing the way we're cooking down at DLM HQ. They sent us a box of fresh ingredients to whip up some Thai chicken burgers and eggplant parm. And guys, this stuff is fresh, fun, and delicious.

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Yup, a free dinner for two with your first Plated box. Go to Plated.com slash Doug for terms and details. That's Plated.com slash Doug. Back to the show. We're back! And somebody just

chucked some unchosen donuts. My man. Here, have some goddamn donuts. They know I want to love sweet cakey shit. Alright, let's start with Tom. Who are you playing for? I am playing for... It's the land before Tom, so I'm assuming Tom.

He had a cool name. I don't know. Do you ever just see a name and you're like, fuck, that's a cool name. Tom. Will know. Do you ever just see a name and you're like, fuck, that's a cool name. Tom. Will you get to keep that poster? Do I get to keep this? I would love to.

That's awesome. Yeah, this is dope. But you overlooked a couple of Brady Bunch, the movie posters. But it's cool. That's a good one. Good luck. Good luck, Tom.

I'm going to get a picture of all of you. So everybody hold up your thing. I'm going to get everybody picture of all of you, so everybody hold up your thing. I'm going to get everybody in one, if I can, if it's possible. Close enough. Boom. All right. Nikki, who are you playing for?

Lauren. And she... She did one for... I saw that one today on Twitter, I think, because she knows that you love Justin Timberlake. Yes. And I really don't, but like, she just knows that on Nikki and Sarah, my old show,

like she's one of the only people that watched it. So that's why we loved Justin Timberlake on my old show and she referenced that. And so I was like, I got to give a shout out to this bitch who watched my show. One of the only ones. Love you, girl. So yeah.

So there we go. Yeah. So a whole bunch of stuff on there. Yeah. My stupid face So, yeah. So, there we go. Yeah. So, a whole bunch of stuff on there. Yeah. My stupid face is on there. What'd you say? It's gonna be me. It's gonna be me.

Yeah. She has that on there, too. So, that's a fun meme we've all seen a bunch. So, thank you for reminding us of it. Yeah. Check it out. Look what they wrote on the inside. For eating only, do not throw.

Oh, get fucked. My job depends on it. One of the donuts looks like a baseball. How are you not supposed to throw that? Exactly. My job depends on it. What the fuck is their job? Donut defender?

Yeah, hand me one. Can I chug it? Yeah, please. Be careful. Oh, Jesusug it? Yeah, please. Be careful. Oh, Jesus. Just fucking fired that off. Come on, that's not a mic. There's like a beam that comes down over here that's black,

so it just looks like a ceiling, but I hit that and it went right down on people, so I apologize. I'm so sorry for how hard I did. I'm too excited. It's good we didn't have a lot of donuts. Oh, here's a whole bag of mini ones. Here we go.

But so it's Anna and Sarah go to White Castle. And which one is she? Anna and Sarah down there. Oh, you're a team? It's a team name tag? Oh, adorable. Good luck to both of you. Good luck.

I hope you're always friends, because this prize bag's going to be hard to split up. Doogie, who are you playing for? This thing's amazing. This is a really nice poster and I noticed the paper it's printed on is very high quality.

Epson Met. It says, no country for Coleman. And I'm disappointed there's not a photo of Dabney Coleman on it. This guy, Coleman. It's just Coleman.

It's Coleman. What's your first name, Coleman? It's Coleman. No way. It's Coleman. Coleman? His last name is Joe. First name's Cole.

What's your last name? You don't have to say if you don't want to. His name's Coleman. Coleman, okay. He's sticking with Coleman. All right. We'll get to the bottom of this. I am a Coleman for the Coleman. All right. We'll get to the bottom of this. I am a Coleman for the country.

All right. We got a lot of singing on the show. A lot of great moods. Can I please have a new Tito's and soda? I'll get one of those, too. Oh, can I also get one? Can I get a club soda with lemon, please? Four Tito's and sodas get a club soda with lemon, please?

Four Tito's and sodas and a club soda with lemon. Well, it's a virgin Tito's. You're snapping us? Yeah, is that okay? You're snapping without permission? Is that okay? I don't care. Okay.

Coleman, you want a donut? I'm live tweeting. Anybody want? You got to follow Nikki's Snapchat if you want to see everything she does all day long, every day. Oh my god, that's so embarrassing that you follow me. Ugh. Ugh, god. I don't like to know who's watching.

Please just don't tell me. Last night I was like, I'm late for the show. I gotta take a shower. Time to walk to the club. Okay, I have to say that during it time to walk to the club okay I have to say that during it I was like I hate myself for doing this and I was just saying that I'm just

doing this because I feel alone inside and I need to talk to someone I gotta tell you well I think Periscope's better for that personally but um that's a good point I do gotta say that like at least your snaps are you saying stuff about your life. It's not your face is a tiger or your face is a dog.

You know, those people that find those things and do every single one of them. I'm just like, why am I following you? And they just go. Yeah, it's just a tongue coming out or whatever. So you're saying you don't want to face swap later, dude? It's just a boner killer. Yes. I'm not into animals.

But I like Snapchat because no one can, like, say anything back to you. No one can be like, this was dumb except when you go on their podcast. But, like,

most of the time you don't get feedback. And it disappears, too, in, like, a day. Yes, yes. That's the best part don't get feedback. And it disappears too in like a day. Yes, yes. That's the best part. I get that part of it. I'll start snapping more.

Yeah, it's awesome. Oh man, that's embarrassing. I'll do some more. But do follow me, Glazy Days. G-L-A-Z-E-Y Days. Thanks. Bye. No, I was kind of complimenting you

when I said it's a real inside glimpse into your life. Yeah, it is. It gets real sad up in there. it's a real inside glimpse into your life. Yeah, it is. It gets real sad up in there. It's a lot of makeup-free episodes. Ooh. A lot of 10 seconds. Dig.

No, it's not a dig. It's a, you don't give a shit, I just said before I said that. No, you don't give a shit how you look. It's great. So brave. You wake up, you go, who gives a fuck, right? And then you walk out into the world. Because, I mean, you really should.

But you don't. It's so awesome. So brave. Must be so brave for you. So brave of you to be so ugly. I know. I could never do it. You are a warrior for the ugly.

You won't recognize me. You won't understand me. I couldn't even do it. You will delete. Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. It's Maybelline. Nikki Glaser, she's really, really brave, yeah. She doesn't care what you look like.

Walking around, getting to the show late. Getting in the shower, eating rum and... I'm erasing those snaps right now, okay? Because it hasn't been 24 hours, and I don't want any of you seeing them. I'm half two now. You don't have to. I'm so embraced.

No, she really is. Stop. Fuck it. Who cares? 4.3 thousand people have already seen them. I don't give a shit. I wasn't trying to snap shame you. Snap shame? That's a new thing.

Love it. I was complimenting you and shaming all the people that just do those animated faces over their face. Or they make their face really fat or they make it really skinny. And it's just like, I'd go with you to a fun house if I wanted to see that. It's just for you. Don't share that with anyone. But i don't i'd go with you to a fun house if i wanted to see that it's just for

you don't share that with anyone and they just but they don't even say anything they just go yeah look at my oh isn't this fun that it's just it's them looking in a mirror and then sharing it with you and it's bullshit yeah like tell us about your shower yeah or be a dog-faced person with no pants on. Yes, that's what we want. Make it sexy. Yeah. Thank you so much. Doogie, that's mine? Thank you.

Oh, it's all the same thing. I dropped mine. You got to give Nikki a straight up... Oh, that's bad. Can we get a towel, too? It's okay. It's just water. Can I get a towel, too?

I love the guy in the front row. It's super absorbent. Oh, hot damn. Don't worry about it. I love the guy in the front row. It's super absorbent. Don't worry about it. I know carpeting and I know stages. Sorry, ass. What's up, ass? It's sort of what we're all into in D.C. We all really know. We all know our environment.

Am I falling off the wagon tonight? Club soda will get that up. Put the werewolf in the front seat. What? Thanks, man. Could I have a club soda and wine mixed together? Because I spill on myself. Closer.

That's a good bit. That's my new closer. Don't tell anybody. Don't complain to me after my show. Heard it on your podcast. That was a funny joke. I'll retweet the shit out of that, man. God damn.

Can I buy that off of you? That's how it works. That's how it works. Look at that. Price is too high for that one. It's so hard to come up with a new joke with all the shit people write all day long on Twitter. I just go, everybody's saying everything.

It's all taken. So you gotta just be in the basement on Connecticut Avenue on a Saturday afternoon. And there's a giant crane in front of my hotel. They've been working all day. I don't have any idea what they're trying to accomplish.

No idea. Like looking around like, idea what they're trying to accomplish. No idea. Like looking around like, what is that? What are they making and where are they going to put it on? I don't know what's happening. You're not even at the movie theater. You're still seeing Ratchet and Clank.

It's my destiny. I got to give that movie a shot. Everywhere you go all right well so uh i i rarely say this but we you know we had too much fun today uh before the game part and uh so now we're just gonna we're gonna go to one that's for all the marbles yeah wow really shit you guys are great man this really had that's for all the marbles. Wow, really? You guys are great, man. That's gone quick as shit. This was a lot of fun. Lots of people wrote to me on Twitter saying they had a great

name for Last Man Stanton. That's what we're going to play. I was going to ask Adam Locks for his name, a guy on Twitter named Adam Locks. So I gave him a shout out anyway, but we're not going to do it, buddy. That's pretty good, though. Do you want to tell us what name you're going to say or're not going to do it buddy. That's pretty good though. Do you want to tell us what name you're going to say

or do you want to save it for another time? Okay. Stan Lee? I'm so glad we're not playing that game today man. Who wants to punch it? Who wants to punch that guy? I mean it just becomes a game of naming Marvel movies because I think they're contractually obligated

and congratulately obligated to put him in every single one, right? I think he has to be in all of them. And the last few, I thought Ant-Man and Guardians of the Galaxy were his two best cameos yet because one of them, the rocket raccoon calls him a perv.

And I forget, what happened in Ant-Man? He does something stupid. He's a bartender? Okay. I love that. Strip club. It's a strip club, though.

Oh, Deadpool. That's a good one. They have to put him in the movie. I take back Ant-Man. But they put him in and a character just walks up to him and says, you would be nothing without Jack Kirby.

That's his... Every cameo is just them tearing down his legacy. Steve Ditko did all the real work. Is that why you named your son Kirby? You guys know... No, it's not, but a lot of people ask that. You know what would be my ace in the hole, right? Tom, do you know?

I don't. For Stan Lee? For Stan Lee? A non-Marvel movie? That's what I would whip out on your asses. Mallrats? That's right.

I heard somebody yell it. Yeah, yeah. Tom is a welcome addition, you guys. Hell yeah. We've had some misfires lately. Jeff Tate. I like him a lot. I'm them all. I like them all.

I'm just kidding. Yeah, he's never getting Jeff Tatey out. This is called Doug and Jeff Love Movies. No, Jeff will be back very soon and very much. But right now we're going to play Jason and Deb's IMDb game. Hell yeah. Oh, all right. I'm so excited about this game. We got just about the right amount of time to play it.

We're going to play to first person to get to five points. Negative point if you buzz in and get a movie wrong. Bonus points if you can name other films that are from their top four on IMDb. So just say your own name as a way to buzz in, and we'll start. And audience, you know what you're supposed to do. Enjoy it. Leaving Las Vegas.

Trey. Really? Smallsy move. Let's hear it. Nicolas Cage. Correct. Fuck. Damn it.

Fuck. Fuck. I thought for sure it was going to be Elizabeth Shue. God damn it. But it could have been Elizabeth Shue. Yeah. You know what a Shue fan I am. I'm kind of surprised that they didn't say Snake Eyes.

Well, now you probably shouldn't help out in naming other Nicolas Cage movies because now Trey can get three more bonus points and then be one point away from the win if he can come up with... I mean, that's not going to happen, you guys. It's all right. It's fun to talk about what might happen, though. So what name three Nicolas Cage films... That they would put on his IMDb thing. Is his top four, yeah. what might happen though. So what name? Three Nicolas Cage films.

That they would put on his IMDB thing. Is his top four, yeah. Ghost Rider, probably. Was that not the name of it? I think the first one had more words in it, didn't it? There's two ghost writers, but anyway. That's incorrect. How many guesses do I get at this? Two more.

Oh, fucking face-off. Surely they'd put that on. No? I'm telling you, it's messed up. I don't know how IMDB does it. Oh. It's two good ones, though. Oh, I've said too much.

One more. What's the one where he steals the cars? I'm trying to think IMDB-wide. No, you guys. You don't have to laugh at me like that, you guys. What the shit, man? Condescending crowd. I thought this was a safe place.

Don't help him, you guys. Oh, so one more. Yeah. I can't accept the one where he steals the cars. Racing Arizona. That's a great one. Shit. But they went with their three were National Treasure, Ah, I told you.

Moonstruck. and my personal favorite Nicolas Cage performance, Kick-Ass. Oh, shit. So good. Wow, that's surprising. That's the best one. So Trey only took down one point for that one. Hell yeah. Man.

You really made a ballsy bid. You jumped in early. Yeah. You got your one pointsy bid. You jumped in early. Yeah. You got your one point. Here's the next round. They're discussing tipping over there. Double the tax and add a couple bucks. Oh.

Aren't you a former server? No, I'm just a good tipper. No, you are. That's triple the tax we have over here. That's right. It is DC. You guys are playing with other people's money. So yeah, man.

Do whatever you guys do here. These clowns in Washington. Yeah. Is that the guy with the Richie Rich name tag? All right, here we go. The first movie of four that this person is best known for, according to IMDb.

And you know IMDb. He is. He is. That always gets me. Every time. So good. Top Gun. Doogie.

Who do you think it is? Tom Cruise. That's correct. Yeah. Wow, that's another one. Could have been Val Kilmer. Could have been that lady. Yeah.

Meg Ryan. Anthony Edwards. All right. So Doogie gets a point for that. Kelly McGillis. Yeah, that's her name, McGillis. Okay, so Doogie's on the board for that, but he can get three more points

if he can name three more Tom Cruise movies in the top four on IMDb. And you can't psych him out with that from the Caddyshack. Miss it. Jerry Maguire. That is correct.

What? Noonan yourself. Mission Impossible. That is also correct. Sorry, guys. I'm trying to think of what I... Yeah, think of another one. Tom Cruise.

You can do it. This is going to be sort of crazy, but risky business. That wouldn't be crazy. That was his breakout movie, really? Yeah, that's what I thought. But incorrect. It's A Few Good Men. Yeah.

That's a strange one. That's strange. I don't know why I just did that. Heaven forbid you should be happy for me. I've been happy for you in the past. Let me have this. When? The lady in the theater with us

when we were arguing about whether or not they should show the trailers when they said, well, we can't show the movie at all, she went, ha ha. Like, she was like, now she was so against me and everyone else in the theater that she thought it was funny that we all got fucked over. Like,

she didn't get to see it either. And she's going, ha ha. It's like falling on your face and then laughing at the guy watching you do it. Who also fell on his face. Yeah, yeah. Everybody fell on your face and then laughing at the guy watching you do it. Who also fell on his face. Yeah. Good point, Tom. Everybody fell on their face.

Yeah. Planes going down in flames. Good point. See, you can't smoke weed on this plane. Sorry, you're sneaking into the bathroom. Now we're all dead. Doogie has three points And Trey has one Nikki and Tom have

Opportunities to get on the board Starting with this next round The first movie South Park, bigger, longer, and uncut And the next movie Is South Park the TV show. Trey. Who is it?

Kenny? What? Who is it? You have to name it. Trey Parker. That's correct. Name two more movies. Cannibal the Musical.

Nope. You're making that up, right? I know, I'm looking right at it. I wrote it down. Basketball. Nope. What? What?

Wow. I know, you guys are super shocked, but there was a little thing called Team America World Police. Of course. And, you know, sometimes they go back to the beginning. They went with orgasmo. Oh, man. Whatever.

IMDB, they'll throw cannibal on there. What the shit, man? You still got a point, man. I know, but just one. All right. Hey, I'm happy for you. You got more than me over there, Trey. Shut up.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Tom. One percenter. Well, hey, man. Fucking hop in there every once in a while. All right, here we go. Next round. The first movie is called Shaun of the Dead.

Fuck. Doogie. Oh, shit. Simon Pegg. That's incorrect. Yes! Got cocky. Doogie's knocked back to two point tie with Trey.

Neck and neck. Welcome to my world, bitch. That made no sense right there, did it? Yeah, your world is disgusting. It is, it's gross. Your second movie out of four is, and Doogie, you look poised

to jump in, but you're out for this round. Simon Pegg. The second movie is Paul. The third movie is The Adventures of Tintin.

And the fourth film, for one point, if you can name him, or her, is Hot Fuzz. Ah, fuck. Trey. Who is it, Trey?

Simon Pegg's fat buddy that's in all his movies with him. The fat guy. Damn it, what is his name? Damn it. Full title, you son of a bitch. Wait, Fat Guy, who's Simon Pegg's friend, isn't it? So nobody else has a guess?

Especially after that description? No, no. Can't name him. I feel so terrible. He's been a guest on the show. His name is Nick Frost. Nick. Oh, Nick. I'm sorry, man.

Shit. His friends call him Nicky Frost. Alright, here's the next... That's why I got confused. So far, the answers have been Nicholas, Tom, Trey, and Nicky. I was trying to figure out the pattern.

Let's do the next round. The first title is from television, and it's How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris. No, no, no, no. Tom! Tom! Tom!

Tom! Wait, your name's Neil Patrick Harris? Doogie, Neil Patrick Harris. Same thing. Yes, that is correct. Good save. Home court advantage. Home court advantage.

All right, Doogie. If you can name two more things that they list for Neil Patrick Harris, you're going to be our winner. Doogie Howser. Full title. Doogie Howser, MD. Uh-huh. That's correct.

And I know I'm going to fuck this title up. Oh, no, don't fuck it up. Harold and Kumar. Incorrect. One more. And the Raiders in the Tomb of the Crystal Skull. One more. Neil Patrick Harris.

Did you give up? Yeah, I gotta call it. I guess I give up. He gives up. He was in Gone Girl and Starship Troopers. Oh! Starship Troopers. Fairly popular. Doogie S4, Trey S2. Those are both fairly popular. All right, so Doogie has four, Trey has two.

Let's do another one. Here we go. Hey, it's irrelevant. Time is meaningless and so are numbers. Whatever you got to tell yourself, Tommy, whatever you got to tell yourself. Actually, we're fighting the clock here, so this

is going to be the last one. So whoever has the highest score after this one, anyone could still win at this point. But this is going to be the last round. The first movie, No Country for Old Men. What a coinkydink that you picked that name tag. This is No Country. It's not No Coleman. Daphney Coleman.

Anybody? You're good? Here's the second title. I got to see your faces because somebody's going to jump in fast. Men in Black. Tommy Lee Jones.

Trey. Trey. Trey. Trey. Trey. Trey. Trey. Tommy Lee Jones.

Tom. You always just Blurt out the name I don't know why You do it that way I gotta go with Trey Cause he's He's following the rules For the first time

In his life Is it I got nothing back That's true That's pretty true Is it Tommy Lee Jones Is it Tommy Lee Jones Yes it's Tommy Lee Jones

Yeah it was But now this is exciting Because The screaming Is it Tommy Lee Jones? Is it Tommy Lee Jones? Yes, it's Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah, what's up? But now this is exciting because... The screaming of the Tommy Lee Jones always makes me not want to say my name. I will have to say. Right. So, stop it. Now that the game's over,

quit doing that. I promise. The next time we play Monopoly... Fuck. You can't... Don't do that. I promise. The next time we play Monopoly... Fuck. So sorry, Tom. Don't. Don't. Do that. Don't play.

The next time we play, don't. Okay, so Trey gets to try to take the win from Doogie, who's still comfortably in the lead, because Trey needs to name at least two of the three remaining Tommy Lee Jones. No, the two remaining. He's got to get them both. The Fugitive?

Incorrect. Want to go for one more just to see if you can tie it up with Doogie? The one with the cheerleaders where he's the house dad? Man of the house? Do you want to go with man of the house? No, I do not want to go with man of the house.

No, it's too late to go with Man of the House. No, you... It's too late. It's too late. Two? Oh. No, the answers are MIB 2 and Captain America, the first Avenger. Yeah, so I'm calling it. Doogie's our winner.

Yeah. Great job, Doogie. Doogie. Doogie. Doogie. Represent Philly, dog. Thanks, bro. I never win. No,, Doogie. Doogie. Doogie. Represent Philly, dog. Thanks, bro. I never win.

No, that was great. Yeah, me neither. That's awesome. Good job, dude. Who's the prize bag? Where's Coleman at? Oh, it's Coleman. Congratulations, Coleman.

Sorry, Anna and Sarah. Sarah. Sarah and Anna. What did I just say? Sarah and Anna what did I just say Sarah and Anna I'm just gonna read one more passage from the jokes all women should know

marriage has no guarantees if that's what you're looking for go live with a car battery ooh get fucked marriage for Go Live With A Car Battery. Ooh! Get fucked, marriage. I wish that I could be in the book to be the hype man. Yay!

Yay, line! Are you going to let him be your hype man tonight, Vicky? Yeah, he always is. Nice job, Coleman. Way to go. Way to sit there and do nothing. Do you want your sign back, Coleman? Way to sit there and do nothing. Do you want your sign back? Well, do you get all the...

I hope you give that book to a woman. Okay. Oh, you want some more donuts? I'm keeping this. Do you want more donuts? It's too late for that, Trey. No, they're powdered. I was just going to throw the whole bag

because it's powdered. All right. No, don't hit anyone. Oh. Oh. That was so caring. What a great receiver. A bag of donuts.

Is that another Tom Brady? I'm a woman. Tom Brady, what are your plugs, man? I'll be at the Crum Comedy Festival in Omaha at the end of next month. There's no reason to make up things. Hey, Crum! It's a word, apparently. Poor Omaha. month there's no reason to make up things hey crumb it's a word apparently and uh i'll be at i'll be at limestone comedy festival uh where i think you'll also be at uh this year oh yeah

that's cool uh and then um we're gonna be at caroline's all my dates are the same as nicky's i think so yes oh also i have a show in brooklyn uh called lilith fair at the looking glass and in brooklyn so check it out if you're in new york ever uh your podcast and my podcast girls night Oh, also, I have a show in Brooklyn called Lilith Fair at the Looking Glass in Brooklyn. So check it out if you're in New York ever. Your podcast. And my podcast, Girls Night with Tom Brady. Yeah, it's really good. Thanks, guys.

Nice. Where's your name tag, Nikki? Where did it go? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. That's okay. Give it to me and tell me your plugs. My plugs are Not Safe with Nikki Glaser returns on June 7th with 10 new episodes.

Thank you very much. Yay, thanks. So DVR that shit because I know you won't watch it live. And it matters. It helps ratings. So thank you. And then I have a podcast called The Not Safe Podcast that's out every Wednesday with Dan St. Germain as my co-host. So check that out.

People seem to like it. So thank you. And I have live dates and Nikki laser got dot com yay and a lazy days on snapchat for some no makeup just the truth you know give a shit at all yeah it's honest and it's

in 10 second bursts Trey CD the more ironic type in galley on and it'll pop up on iTunes and shit. And then I'm going to be in Austin

May 13th, 14th at the Velveeta Room. Cap City the 18th through the 22nd. No, 21st. And then Colorado. Colorado Springs June 2nd through 4th.

Right on. And Doogie Horner. you can check out my new album a delicate man on itunes or spotify it's very funny i listened to it thank you trey you're welcome uh you can check out my most recent book some very interesting cats perhaps you weren't aware of i got funny titles i got funny titles both of Nicky's shows are sold out tonight, but they have some sort of little side room here. And Trey and Doogie are both doing sets. What time is that show?

Oh, yeah. They said it starts at like 7.30 or something. 7.30. So if you're still around and you want to see these guys do stand-up, come to that. It's next to the dumpster. Yeah. We'll be doing abortions and smoking weed.

It'll be awesome. It's like a 50-60C room. I heard it's going to be the Correspondence Dinner after party, even though that doesn't start till 9. But my point is, thank you to all of my guests, Tom Brady, Nikki Glaser, Trey Galeon, and Judy Horner. Thank you guys, man. Yeah.

That was fun. Thank you, DC Improv and all who come to it. I will definitely try to do this sooner. The last time was last June. If I did it every three or four months, you guys would come, right? Let's not get crazy.

I'm not coming here in the fucking winter. You're right, you're right. I do go to New York in the winter, but just once. Just for a couple of days. But that's a good point. What's that? I can smoke legally here?

Oh, thanks for the update. Thank you, everybody. As always, the 48-hour film festival being the same weekend as Doug Lowe's movies is a shithead. I didn't know about the conflict, and I'll never do it again. Or they can move their shit. Yeah.

These get more political as we go along. Bernie bros that say they'll never vote for Hillary are shitheads. And broccoli is a shithead. playing that song now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie eyes of gold is viewing prowess makes him cocky there's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies