Doug Loves Movies - Tom Lennon and Robert Ben Garant Guest

Episode Date: October 24, 2009

Doug welcomes actor/comedian/screenwriters Tom Lennon and Robert Ben Garant (Reno 911) to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody I love movies Chris Hardwick does not lie when he sings And he's the singer of that song

Hard and Firm Came up with that ditty for me I keep getting tweets from people Saying that it's really Burrowed into their brains And they can't stop singing it And they also don't know the words And can't stop singing it And I they also don't know the words. I can't stop singing it,

and I don't even know what I'm... 15 ads of popcorn kernels? What the fuck are... What is he saying? But you can go to specialthing.com, and somewhere on one of my threads, I think Matt Belknap

writes out all the lyrics, if you're dying to know the lyrics. I want to say that we're coming to you live on tape from the UCB Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Los Angeles before Comedy Death Ray, a weekly show on every Tuesday night here at UCB in L.A., and we thank them for letting us be the pre-show, if you will. And I'd like to thank everyone listening and anybody in this room who's done this, but I don't think any of you have

because L.A. wasn't one of the stops. But I'd like to thank everyone that came out to Doug Benson's medical marijuana tour. We did 13 states in 13 days, me and Graham Elwood. Here's my quick yearly update before I get the show going. Every year I like to do this. I didn't see

Saw, I didn't see Saw 2, I saw Saw 3, I didn't see Saw 4 or 5, and I have no plans to see Saw 6. That might change. I said that on Twitter and people were like, why'd you see Saw 3? Like, I'm such an asshole for picking the third one to finally go to one

and then never see another one again. The reason is because I was dating a girl at the time who wanted to see it and I never say no to a girl that wants to go see a scary movie because I think they're boring and dumb but there's a good chance to maybe grab onto something. Latch onto some

shit if you're at a scary movie. Also, I don't like to fly in planes, but if a girl wants to go, that doesn't make sense. I also want to quickly mention that my buddy Patton Oswalt's movie that I've been talking about on every episode is still bouncing around

the country. It's called Big Fan and when this podcast starts to air you can see it if you live in San Francisco or Berkeley. It's playing in Lumiere theaters or Landmark. Something hoity-toity like that. To go watch Pat and Act

like a total freak. Let's bring out our guests, shall we? Let's do this. So exciting. My guests today on the podcast co-wrote Night at the Museum, Battle of the Smithsonian along with lots of other movies, and you also

might know them as Lieutenant Jim Dangle and Deputy Travis Jr. from Reno 9-11, I like to call it. Tom Lennon and Robert Bain for answering me. They're running around, they're excited. I've never had guests that are more excited than you two. I mean, Tom more than Ben.

That's what we call him. We call him Ben, even though it's his middle name in show business. In real life, we call him Ben. Hey, look, I'm Iron Man. And you can... I should have mentioned that backstage. The physical gags go over the best of the podcast. It actually makes people want to come see it live, which is exciting.

He's doing a good Iron Man thing. I really do like you, Pepper. Look, I'm Iron Man, Pepper. Hey, Pepper. How do you think they're going to up the stakes in Iron Man 2? Do you think Iron Man's going to get slapped by two monkeys instead of just the one? That's how we would do it.

That's exactly what we would do. We put him up against Waffle Iron Man. He's like a bizarro, you know, like made in a bizarro universe. But as always has something delicious ready to go. He's Belgian, isn't he? Always burns the first one. You should know Iron Man, I always burn the first one.

That's a Belgian accent? Yeah. Have you guys ever been in in some sort of meeting or something where somebody does accidentally say Reno 9-11? Has anybody called it that? Not on purpose? On live television once. We were doing publicity for the movie.

And it was morning. It was like 6 in the morning. And some morning in Philadelphia, a reporter said, and now, reading the teleprompter, she said, and now, the heroes of 9-11. 4.45 a.m. Oh, good morning, Tulsa. It's going to rain.

Bring your boots inside. And the worst tragedy ever. You can take the mic out of the stand and hold it. I don't think I'm going to. I don't think I'm going to. So how does it feel being the first of the two

Amelia Earhart movies to hit theaters this year? Did you feel excited that you got to jump? We scooped them. We scooped them. We scooped them. I was going to say, or the hot one, but the other one, she's also pretty hot too, isn't she? People argue about Hilary Swank's

hotness. I think it's just because she played a dude one of the first times out. Yeah, she was a hot dude. She was a hot dude with the best vagina I've ever seen on a dude. That was great dude vagina. It was the best. That's the best when you go to an art house movie,

but then you get to see a vagina in it. It makes the whole night, like, worthwhile. Now, why didn't, since you wrote the movie, and Tom plays Wilbur Wright. Why didn't you see vagina in night two? You guys play the Wright brothers, right? Yes. You're Wilbur Wright in Night 2. You guys play the Wright brothers, right? Yes. You're Wilbur and Orville Wright.

You're just supposed to guess that, I guess, as you're watching it, because you're never really assigned to such. You're just standing around yelling at planes. We're two dudes. We're dressed up like dudes who work at Farrell's. Yeah. You know, the ice cream place? Yeah, yeah.

You're going to run through with a zoo. Yeah. Yeah. Happy somebody's birthday! Oh! A lot of mustache wax. I love it. And so you guys...

No, we had no intention of playing that role in the movie. In fact, it never really occurred to us. Because they would have totally double teamed Amelia Earhart if you guys had thought ahead, right? We pitched a scene where we kind of saved the day and then there's like a big shower to celebrate. That got nixed by Amy Adams people. Amy Adams people didn't love that idea. You shouldn't have called it the

Bermuda shower. But she was, I thought she was... That's one of the things I thought you guys really stepped it up a notch. Because I just saw the movie on a plane flight. Best way to see it. Best way to see it. It was on an individual viewer thing that they passed out. JetBlue, you're looking at a nice one. On Alaska.

It was on Alaska. Alaska, nice. They hand you a thing where you can watch. I could have watched Taken again. Sure. To try and figure out if it makes any sense. Sure. But you'd already seen it.

I had already seen it. So I went with Nia's Museum, too, and I've got to say that the adding of Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart, I mean, I know you probably didn't know what casting would occur, but adding a hot girl that's there the whole time was a great idea. Yeah, we didn't invent that. Adding a hot girl? They've been doing that in movies for years.

Yeah, but you forgot the hot girl in Museum 1. What about Carla Gugino? It's hard to say. She's so sexy. Carla Gugino's very sexy. She's a hot lady, but she shows up and she's bookending the movie. She shows up in the beginning and the end and it's like, look at these. She wears some amazing sweaters.

See, you agree, she wears some amazing sweaters in Night 1. Yeah, yeah. Night 2 was about pants. That's what I was going to say. I've actually got this written down. Did you visit the set a lot? I mean, come on, monkeys and Amy Adams in those pants? I would be there every goddamn day if I wrote that. We were there as much as we could be, yes.

It was a fun time. We were there a lot. And we had lunch with the monkeys. And the only pants better than the pants that Amy Adams wears in the film are the pants that she wears when she's just hanging out between dates. Yeah. Which are apparently like crazy. She throws on some hotter pants?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! That's crazy. I know, she's hit a wall of impossibility. It's horrible.

There's a pair of pants that she wears even better, and it's just like a pair of Nike yoga pants. Yeah, it's wonderful. That's fantastic. I'm so jealous. I think she's great in everything, and I like the way she, I don't know, script-wise, how you did it.

Did you plan for some of the characters to speak anachronistically and some to be very specific? Her, yes. She nailed it all the way through. She doesn't have a misstep in terms of how her characters are. Catherine Hepburn in a Howard Hawks movie

was in the original pitch. That's how she should talk. The idea was for the movie, and this is an interesting place to talk about this because it'll never come up anywhere else really, is the idea was that

all of the characters in Night 2 would be like sort of Island of the Misfit Toys. It'd only be characters from storage in the basement. So it was going to be like an Amelia Earhart, who of course got lost

flying around the world. It was going to be like a little animated Adam, like a nuclear Adam, because he was from nuclear power. And a Custer. We were also going to have an old broken head of George Washington Carver. It was going to be like this weird assortment of things that weren't on display anymore. We're going to save the day. And then that kind of just fell by the wayside.

I would love the George Washington Carver thing. He's just like a head. It's just a head talking about peanuts. Yeah, Chad. Anybody wants a equation of peanut butter? He and Amelia Earhart have a great conversation about, well, yeah, I came up with peanuts and you flew a plane. Exactly.

Peanut butter. He didn't come up with peanuts. You're going to bring the two together. Oh, he didn't come up with the actual peanuts? He just came up with the butter? I think they were around. Charles Schultz and the word God. But I wrote down, like, you know, it's too late now

because the movie's come and gone. Or not gone. No, no, we'll do reshoots. We'll re-edit it and do reshoots. What's your idea? Well, I just think the movie wasn't sold right. I think it was sold with a lot of Hank Azaria, and you should have just went with,

the tagline should have been, monkey in a space suit running. By the way. That's the best thing that's ever been captured, a monkey in a space suit running. Speaking of, there's a whole sequence that got cut, that they shot, that got cut. Maybe it'll be on the DVD, which comes out

December 7th, Pearl Harbor Day, or somewhere right around then. It does. It comes out right around December 2nd or 5th or something. But there was a scene where Larry chases the monkey in zero gravity. It goes into the moon display. And they fly around. And they float around,

and they chase each other in zero gravity. And the monkey pees on him in zero gravity, so it's like bubbles. That was the point of the space monkey. The whole point of the space monkey was that he could pee bubbles at him. They shot it. The footage exists.

You'll never see it. Except on Pearl Harbor Day, maybe. Except on Pearl Harbor Day. All right. Let's see if we have any other questions about that movie but now that I heard that I just like lost all my enthusiasm for the movie as it exists

right it's about the extras now I just want to see what I didn't get to see which that's a good that's another question I had written down what like you had to deal with the you made this the first one was a massive hit they come to you and say let's do another one I had written down, what, like, you had to deal with the, you made this, you know,

it was a massive, the first one was a massive hit. They come to you and say, let's do another one. And then you have all these great ideas because, like, there's a,

what is it, a Koontz that's running around in one of the museums? There was a Jeff Koontz running around. A Jeff Koontz running around and, like, what's that painter

that the painting comes to life? There's a American Gothic comes to life. Which we kind of, I kind of thought that would look more like a painting I didn't think of the actors and then there's a more than once what about the modern artist though that has like the comic there's a link in there yeah there's one that's a based on like a William Blackins of people skating in

Central Park yeah are those were the script or nighthawks comes to life yeah was in the script the the little what were in the script. Nighthawks comes to life. Yeah. Was in the script the little, what were they, Einstein, the little Einstein ball head doll singing, that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it? Did you guys, did the two of you put your heads together and come up with that? Okay, this is a really interesting Pandora's box. This makes sense. This is a really interesting Pandora's box you've opened, because no, we didn't write that. I didn't think you did.

This is a really interesting Pandora's box you've opened, because no, we didn't write that. I didn't think you did. I felt I was on pretty safe ground speaking to you in such a derogatory manner. You guys really go, yes, we wrote it, and we're fucking proud of it. Okay, Doug, so here's what happened. It was called...

Riddle of the Pyramids was the title of Night at the Museum 2. And the riddle is the thing you have to figure out on the pyramids. It's like an ATM keyboard and we were looking for what is a number that the Egyptians would be important

to Egyptian people. So we spent several months and a lot of time thinking about it and researching and studying it. And pi makes sense. Like the Egyptians discovered pi

at the same time that they discovered it like Angkor Wat. It's this weird mystical number. You can't build pyramids without understanding the concept of the number pi. Because that's how they're designed.

You need that number to figure out the radius versus the circumference. We worked on it for so long. And it's so great. And so there was a little... Einstein was going to explain, and it was 17 seconds of him saying, the Egyptians totally understood pi. Oh, you have just one Einstein.

They shot it. They shot it. It was one Einstein. They shot it. Yeah, it was one Einstein. But they even shot this. The little bobblehead Einstein's even explained. Pi, obviously, the riddle of the pyramids is pi. The Egyptians discovered and understood pi.

You can't build a pyramid without pi. You should look it up. Like, that was what he said. They cut that and replaced it with, that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it. So, by the way, we get a lot of shit about that on the internet. Because those eye signs look great. They help the story move along with knowing about Pi. It's funny when Ben Stiller can't remember Pi.

It all works works except for why are they singing a fucking wouldn't it be great if it made sense yeah yeah at a certain point though in the studio system you know god forbid we get kids interested in math and history for 17 seconds let's use this well there is a monkey That can come running Through and pee on somebody Well that's us We'll take that bullet We'll take that bullet Yeah that's what I mean Is you can really

You can really tell That distinction In your comic voices That as I'm watching The movie Well these guys Think it would be funny For a monkey to pee

In a dude's face But they wouldn't think That these little bobble heads Singing you know Casey and the Sunshine Band Would be enjoyable for anyone. What child would enjoy that? What child is going,

finally, one of my favorite disco eras being sung by Einstein bobbleheads perfectly rendered in millions of dollars of CGI effects. You're literally preaching to the choir. Oh, yeah, there's so many questions. I didn't understand why you gave the caveman a lighter in the first one.

That doesn't make any sense. Why would you give a wax caveman a lighter? It's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen in a film, and I get shit about it on a daily basis on the internet. Fuck you guys! Well, yeah, that's the thing. The internet, they're a little cruel. They're a little harsh.

And I must admit that I'm one of them. I can't remember... I can't remember what... I didn't review... I didn't have... The timing wasn't right for me to... Yeah, I reviewed on... I was on a morning show in New York

and they said, review some movies really fast. And a night at the museum opened that Friday. The first one? Yeah. And I said a night at the museum, a lifetime to forget or something like that sure that's okay i hadn't seen it yet i didn't know that oh you're just cracking wise that's right yeah i just read jokes about i don't know anything about there's a lot of that going on

i really sit down on a long plane flight and watch and do the research and I fall in love. See? Fell in love with that movie. It just had a lot of good stuff in it. I truly recommend it if you've got some time. Don't make time. Don't make time. If you're in jail.

If you're in jail or on Alaska Airlines. It is a weird lowering of standards that occurs, but there's still... That's called Hollywood, Doug. Yeah, that's what we do. I mean, on a plane. There's a lowering of standards that occurs. That's why we're here. How long have you lived in Hollywood?

That's why we're here. Oh. Did you ever guys ever write a scene where Ben tells Amelia that people watch movies on planes? She would have been blown away. But speaking of watching movies on planes, another movie I saw this year on a plane that I enjoyed thoroughly and was surprised by enjoying it so much was

Seventeen Again. Starring Mr. Thomas Lennon as a rich nerd. Yes. That is the thing. All of my friends told me how much they loved that movie the week that it came out

on airplanes. Yeah, because many of your friends are showing up and saying, one, please, at a Zach Epstein movie at the fucking mall on their trench coat. I suppose that's just

serial killer stuff. Yeah, you get on the FBI and most want to trench coat. I suppose that's just serial killer stuff. Yeah, you get on the FBI most want to know this. One thing. Right about the second we hit American Airlines. Hey, good job, dude. Oh, man, the texts

and the emails. It's really, you're partying, it's funny, and it's a good movie. And that's what everybody says is it's way better than they thought

it was going to be. Absolutely. Because it seems like it's going to suck. That kid's good. Zach's good. That kid is awesome. That kid's good. That kid can act like a fucking tornado. The kid's good. Yeah, he had to act 17, and the original

the kid had to act 18, and he didn't cut it. He looked like 19 or 20, but Zach really was in the ballpark. He's a dream kid. He's got to do more basketball. He does basketball in all of his films. I actually brought that up in the beginning. I brought that up when they were shooting. A little too much basketball for him. I was like, so, the beginning. I brought that up when they were at one of the table rooms. I was like, so, always basketball

going to be in every movie? And everybody shot me and looked like, fuck you. He's good at it. You're going to be the nerds. Shut the fuck up. They didn't ask you. And I was like, alright. He can't play football with his shirt off. I guess that's why.

And swimming is just a long game. Forget why. And swimming is just fun games. You can't make a movie about a swimmer without a girl showing up and trying to kill him. Right now, let's text Efron

and see if he'll do a swimming movie. We'll produce it. Ooh. What a fortune. You're going to say let's text him you're not looking at me.

Well, my phone's backstage. I don't have his... You have his number? Oh, sure. And you could just text him right now? I could. Go get it.

You gotta try. Just see what he writes back. He might write back something, right? He might say something by the end of the podcast. He does. They do hang.

They have hung. How did you decide who played Wilbur and who played Orville? We don't decide anything. You just... You saw it in the end titles when you saw the screening of the movie? They fit him for a mustache, so I knew which one he was, because Wilbur had a mustache.

Oh, he did? Yeah. So you didn't have to have glue on a mustache? No. Because that's another thing I hate more than glue on a mustache. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I can't say for sure right now which Wright brother I am in the film. You're Wilbur according to IMDB

yes because you have a mustache awesome I actually watched the end titles too just to see who were the voices of the things that had voices mostly Harriet did all of them but then it turns out there's a couple others in there that he didn't do

fascinating okay so you're texting to Zac Efron we want you to star in a swimmer movie I watched all of them, but then it turns out there's a couple others in there that he didn't do. Fascinating. Okay, so you're texting to Zac Efron, we want you to star in a swimmer movie. And they go right back, swimmer's directing? And also, he won't know that we're at a joke show, so if I write him, like, hey, you want to do a swimming movie? It might get greenlit. He's going to think I me like at my house. What difference does it make?

It's still a great idea for him to be in a swimming movie that you wrote. Okay, I agree. I'm trying to... I got duckbends How about a movie about a guy swimming with monkeys? Overthought.

Yeah. Oh, you're going to read in the trades. You got greenlit. So, you're going to read in the trades, you've got green lit. So Ben, what have you seen in the theaters lately? I haven't seen a movie in the cinema since Tyson. Tyson was the last one I saw in the movies. That was great.

That was really, really good. Who plays Tyson in that? Some black guy. I don't know who that guy is. He was really good. Sounded just like him. I thought that movie was great. I don't know who that guy is. He was really good. Sounded just like him. I thought that movie was great. I really, really enjoyed it. So is that like an occupational hazard

as you find yourself going to documentaries because scripted movies are even more irritating to someone who's writing them all the time? I don't ever, I don't think Tom does either. We don't see comedy. I don't see comedies. I saw Up,

which I very much enjoy. Up is a fucking bummer. Yeah, it was great. Up is fucking heavy. That first ten minutes is... And then ripped from the headlines with the balloon boy. That's the funny version, I guess. The funny version of the balloon boy.

So what did your text to Zac Efron say? I didn't want to say, come shoot a swimming movie. Because I just... I'm down at the watering hole. I am also old enough to be his dad. Yeah. That's creepy. We might have a movie idea for you when you're around.

Let's see if he writes back. Oh, okay. I want to do like teasing. Oh, fuck. Now we have to do it. Now you have to have more of an idea. Shit, you're right. All right.

I'll act like I meant it to somebody else. That was for Zach Penn. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I was going to say, what if he's a young man who really enjoys swimming, but his whole family died in a water-related accident.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Aquaman. His grandparents don't know that he sneaks off every day after school to swim. Swim, right. I just saw Whippet, you know, the Drew Barrymore

World Earth Derby thing. Why is every movie about how the parents don't want the kid to do this thing that clearly is going to maybe make them some money and some success? I'm sneaking off to be in the roller derby. Yeah, like fucking Herbie Fully Loaded, for example. Yeah. That makes sense. Watch it.

It doesn't make sense. That makes sense. I'm agreeing with you. If a kid is good at porn, the parents will be like, do it. You'll make money. What about what you mean, Lindsay Lohan, her parents didn't want her to drive

Herbie? For some reason. She couldn't say, hey, it drives itself. I don't even have to be good at this. You know, we got fired. You know why we got fired off that movie? I guess Matt Dillon. But go ahead. No, no. Nice guy. No, we got fired off that movie. I guess Matt Dillon. But go ahead. No, no. Nice guy. Nice guy.

No, we got fired because we refused to make the front bumper smile. Didn't make sense. Didn't make sense to us. And then Herbie smiles. And that was our line in the sand. No, he fucking doesn't. He's a car. What do you mean he smiles?

How does it explain to me how he smiles? And they're like, his bumper crinkles up into a smile. Bullshit. That doesn't make any fucking sense. And we got fired. Yeah, I bet Michael Keaton had your back on that too. That was way before shooting. We also had a whole back story for why

Herbie did stuff, which was that he was possessed. The little boy got blocked in the back of the car. And he saw his mother's murder. So like, but he can't scream. And then the car like ran off a cliff. So basically the car's possessed. Well, I didn't get a chance to see that one on a plane. I saw her music video

and that seemed pretty good. Oh yeah. She was dancing around on or near her. That was right when she... Wasn't the lyrics really suggestive? Like, it's time to come and go? Yeah, that was it. Yeah.

Wow. It was called Work Your Tailpipe. So... And it was right when she got the D-cups. Remember for a second? Yeah. Yeah. So you got full credit, though,

even though you were fired? We got... No, we didn't get it I don't know there's a few other things on there there's a bunch of ampersands is a bunch 20 26 guys wrote that movie not an exaggeration or joke like I'm trying to lead to something. Not interested, apparently. I also just like that I had a lot of fun with the fact that it was called Fully Loaded. Like, why would they make a kids movie that has an expression about something being completely drunk off its ass? Right, it's also a car expression.

Yeah, it couldn't be called Herbie Tricked Out. That's not sexual? Well, that's sexual. With Lindsay Lohan with her teacups pouring over the hood, working the tailpipe. You know what? Now that you mention it,

it's impossible to name that movie without upsetting people. It started out Love Bug. The Love Bug was already like, Jesus, it's about chlamydia? It's about chlamydia, yeah. Lindsay Lohan's in a slightly moist tank top in front of it. Herbie goes bananas?

Herbie goes to Monte Carlo? Every title's dirty. They all sound like pornos, right? Make you realize, Herbie gets a boner. Why don't you tell Zac Efron that you want to make Jesus Goes Bananas? It's about, like, what if Jesus came to life and were able to talk and they were nonsense. Which he did. That's the Bible. That's the Bible. He came alive and wasn't able to talk.

And the twist is he swims. A lot. He loves to swim on water. Okay, so... He never sinks. Let's play some games. Let's play... Bring it. Let's play a quick... Try to do a quick build-a-title.

I was excited by these guys' excitement backstage. They were actually, like, excited about playing the games, unlike other guests I won't name that have a very bad attitude about it. But give me a movie title to start off and build a title with. Something that's got three or four words and it would be good. The Toxic Avenger? That's a horrible one.

Is it Toxic Avenger? I can't think of any other title that ended toxic or began an Avenger. There's the Toxic... The Toxic Avenger. The toxic Avenger. So you lose. The color of money.

The color of money. There's the color. Oh, good. The color. So you can drop the the. So you just need something that ends in color or begins in money. Right. Hmm.

But you couldn't do the purple of money. No, you could do the purple of money. You can't do. No. Oh, but you't do the purple of money. No, you could do the purple of money. You can't do... No, I can't. Oh, but you could do the color of money train. Yes, you can. Does no one remember money train? Yeah, money train.

Money train. Well, it was Snipes. Yeah, oh, please. Snipes, my friend. When Snipes ruled the world. Yeah, it was Snipes. It was Snipes and Harold Shin together again. Like, we loved when they played basketball.

Right. What would they be like if they were on a fast train? Yes, yeah. And had money on them. And Money Train had a copycat time spree

in New York. It did. People mimicked the somebody squirted lighter fluid and lit a... The guy who sells the tickets

in the subways. Yeah, there was a couple of those. That's a horrible thing to do to a person. Yeah, right? Money Train or let him on fire? okay so we've got the color of money trained what's a movie that starts with train oh i got one the color of money training day

nice the color of money training day for night the color oh sorry the color of money Nice. The Color of Money Training Day. For night. The Color of... Oh, sorry. The Color of Money Training Day for night. Day for night. At the museum. Boom! Oh! Wow.

But if you did battle through the Smithsonian, we'd really be fucked, because there's no movie... Was there a movie called Smithsonian? Ever? Fuck no. I doubt it. No. And why didn't you guys get the Holocaust Museum in there in some way? Just have them run through and maybe stop and cry for a second?

Yeah. There's a lot of shoes. What was the shoes? That big pile of shoes? Yeah. Oh, those would be perfect. Yeah. All those shoes could be hurled at...

Is there a George Bush figure in any of those museums? Okay, let's play Lenin-Malm again, because I don't want to run out of time on that. You guys seemed excited about it, and I like that. I just hope I'm not in whatever shitty movie it is. Well, every time I come up with a theme based on who the guests are, something that will be apropos to them in their careers so these are all really shitty movies these are all cop films

these are all nice hops in there oh okay yeah cuz you guys are on that show in that movie 9-11 show I don't love that love the show Reno 9-11 and how is the city of Reno's efforts to get the show up and running again how are they doing they're doing they're trying their day they're really 9-11. And how is the city of Reno's efforts to get the show up and running again? They're trying their damn best. They're really working at it. I guess they didn't hear that we're doing a show for NBC. They're trying really hard.

There could still be something, though, right? Sure. Oh, it's set in another city, too, in Nevada. They're going to be bummed. They're doing shows in Nevada as well? It's set in North Las Vegas. Oh, boy, they're going to see that as a slap in the face. That's a spoiler alert, by the way. Spoiler alert.

Yeah. All right, here we go. This first movie, and try not to look at me if you can, because you can kind of figure out where it is alphabetically if you look at me. Oh, I'm not doing that. Okay, this is from 1981. Things weren't ringers or something. Okay.

Okay, it's from 1981. Okay. And ringers or something. Okay, it's from 1981. And what else do you need to know about it? I like to give a clue for every movie. It's a cop movie. And my clue is that the fifth billed actor in the movie, his name is Kenny Marino. So it's not the Ken Marino that we know and love, but it's Kenny Marino. Yeah.

And the year is 1981. Yes. Wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Confuse me for a second. 81. There it is.

Okay, from 81. And there's 14 names. So Ben, we'll start with you. How many names do you think you can get in? You can start at 14, or you can do a crazy jump to a lower number. Start from the bottom and you go up. I'm going to say 14 names. I'm going to start with 9. 9 names.

I'll start with 7. Tom's going to say 7. You can either say name that movie or... I'll go six. I'll go six. You guys are fierce competitors. I thought you were friends. 81. You want to go less than six or do you want him to name it?

Name that movie. You get six names. Do you pick crazy obscure movies, or is this like a... These are, you know, movies that came out. Was it ever shown in a motion picture theater? Everything has to have been shown in a motion picture theater. There's no direct-to-video. I think he has direct-to-video movies in here.

Okay, so we got the last name in the list. Kenny Marino. No, he's up there pretty high. Who? This is Lance Hendrickson. has directed video movies in here but okay so we got uh the last name in the list kenny marino is uh no he's uh he's up there pretty high this is uh lance hendrickson henrickson great actor classic classic uh you know ugly face character yeah yeah yeah not ugly face but you know like rugged yeah yeah rugged rugged p Peter Michael Getz. Yes. He's another character. There's a lot of character actors in this. Layton Smith. Yes.

Lee... You keep saying yes. I can name him. You're not... Keep going. Sorry, never mind. Lance Hendrickson. Okay, Lee Richardson and Matthew Lawrence.

Lance Hendrickson, 81. I'm going to say Terminator. Yeah, he was in Terminator. He was going to say Terminator. Yeah, he was in Terminator. He was in the first Terminator. Yeah, he was. And it was probably around that time. Not it, though. That's not the correct answer.

Okay. Thank you for playing. Do I get one more name or do I get to try? You can just go ahead and guess if you want. I feel like it's down to one of either two movies. Really? So do you want another name or can you just pick one? It has to do with Lance Henriksen.

The next name on the list is Lindsey Krauss. It's Beverly Hills Cop. No. No, it's Robocop. No. I thought that too. He's not in Robocop. Lance Henriksen isn't in Robocop.

The rest of the names are James Tolkien, Bob Balaban, Kenny Marino, the aforementioned, Carmine Grady. Is he running scared? No. Richard Ferongi, Ferongi? He was a late, great Jerry Orbach, his second build, and the number one build actor in this movie is Treat Williams, and it was directed by Sidney Lumet, and it's called Prince of the City.

Prince of the City. Yeah. Tom, you got the point, though, because Ben couldn't name it. So let's do another one. That was fun. I'm serious. No call from Efron yet.

Okay. So the bidding starts with our winner, Tom. And this is from 2001. It's a cop movie. And Leonard Maltin says it abandons credibility for melodrama. That's your clue. It abandons credibility for melodrama. In the year 2001. And there are 12 names. How many names can you get it in? Tom Lennon. Eight. Eight names, he says. I'm going to say seven. RBG says seven.

2001. 2001. Makes it very serious and intense if you whisper it. I used to do a lot of drugs. How many? Huh? What? Who are we on? 2001. Ben. I said, fuck it, I'll do it in six. Go. He says fuck it, he can do it in six. Go, go, yeah. Okay, name that movie in six names. Here we go. I think I know this one. Nick Chinland. Oh, the great Nick Chinland. Eva great Nick Chinland. Eva Mendes. Small part for her.

Macy Gray. Not normally an actress. I have not seen it. Snoop Dogg was in this. Dr. Dre. How many names was I going to do? Six. One, two, three, four, five. And then your last name you get is Cliff Curtis. Is it... Is it a cop movie? 2001, a, four, five. And then your last name you get is Cliff Curtis.

Is it a cop movie? 2001, a cop movie, yes. Everything's going to be tied up. I can't get it. It's going to be a tie game. I can't. Fuck. I'm sorry.

I don't know that movie. That's all right. Does anybody know it? Does it help if I say Ethan Hawke and Denzel Washington? That would probably help, yes. It helps a little bit. All right, so now you're tied up. It was training day?

Training day, yes. That's kind of fun, though, guessing after I've told you what the answer is. I'm here! Is it training day? I have a bunch of guesses out there. Oh, you heard all the people. Do I get a point for guessing after you? I feel like I should get half a point. You guys get one point apiece so far.

Okay. So this is a... Those are just loss points. They're not... Yeah, those aren't points. Do I get a point for guessing after you? I feel like I should get half a point. You guys get one point at least so far. Those are just loss points. They're not true victories. No, they're not victories. You're no Patton Oswalt. Who names shit with no names. Have you seen the TV at his house? It's the size of this theater. It's a big TV.

Just the TV. And he has a little tea like, tea cozy built into his couch. It's like where the Hobbits live. Okay, Ben starts the bidding on this one. This is from 1987. The further back we go, the more likely I'm going to know what I bet. Oh, really?

Yeah. Okay, this is from 1987. And you've... It's a cop movie. And Len Malton calls it Loud, Violent, Trashy. Oh. Okay. And it's

you've got seven names to deal with and Ben starts the bidding. Five. Ben can name it in five. Four. Tom says four. Loud, Violent, Trashy.

87. 87. 87. I have a solid guess right now. Loud, Violent, Trashy. I've got a guess right now Loud, violent, trashy I've got a fluid guess What'd you guess? Four?

He said he could do it with four I said I could do it with four I'll try three He's gonna try three I don't think I can do it in two You got a solid guess But it won't fly with two Fuck it, two

Two, yes Now we got a match Or why don't I just guess now? No, no. I have to hear the two. He can say one if he wants. Okay. I'm not gonna, though.

You're gonna say name that movie? I'm gonna say name that movie, yeah. Okay, the two names you get are Tracy Wolf and Darlene Love. Right. That's because the movie is, if it's loud and noisy, 1987. It's Lethal Weapon 2. That came out in 89. Lethal Weapon 2.

That was so good, though. And yet, it's on the same page as this one. Yeah, it was very easy for me to look up. So could I guess? You know when Lethal Weapon 3 came out? I noticed you're not turning the page. That'd be 92. Lethal Weapon 4 came out in 98.

Tracy Wolfe and Darlene Love are listed last every time. They don't get a promotion. So do I get a guess? Yes. I'm going to say Lethal Weapon. That's correct. Lethal Weapon.

For those of you at home, he is flipping the bird to me. And the audience. And the audience. Mostly the audience. Mostly the audience.

What was like in any of your movies? Because they've all been PG-13 or lower, right? Everything you've done No, we've had a huge flop That was R Prison You were going to prison

Big flop Oh, okay, horrible disaster First draft was NC-17 They did this That was an R That movie was a G That movie's wall-to-wall prison rape Not as much as the first draft

The first draft was Rape is always around the corner in that movie. Speaking of that... You could have called it Let's Go to Rape Corner. It would have been better than the title it had. By A.A. Milne. Okay, but of the ones that were like family movies,

because you've done a bunch of those, that seems to be your basic stock and trade, the thing that you're good at. The family ones have all been hits, right? They're very, very big hits. Yeah, but some of them have been very big. Like Museum and The Pacifier and stuff like that. So what was something that you guys really wanted to get into one of the movies that you couldn't because of the restriction on the rating? Like, did you ever want Ben to tell the monkey to go fuck himself?

They told us to, for Herbie Fully Loaded, originally there was a, like a, because it was set in, like, the Fast and the Furious world of street racing, and there was a bikini girl who would, like, drop her, like, flag before each race. She dropped her race, yeah. And she fell in love with Lindsay Lohan because she thought Lindsay Lohan was a guy.

Disney said that was a little too sexy. Those scenes were kind of hot. They made us take that. But there was a very hot chick in a bikini in love with Lindsay Lohan. It was like the sea story. It would sort of be true except it was Samantha Ronson. Well, I mean,

that's the great thing with the museum, too, is you really finally got around those kinds of restrictions and put Amy Adams in some awesome pants. I mean, you knew whoever was going to play Amelia Earhart was going to wear those awesome pants. You can't not wear those pants. Even so, yeah, Amy Adams is... Chewing above and beyond.

Chewing above and beyond. Who else was up for it? Who was close to Amy Adams? Well, that role was actually requested Someone else requested that role We wrote the whole thing to woo another actress Not Zach Efron False alarm

He pulled out his phone this day And we thought it was Zach Tell him you have an idea for High School Musical 4 I'm sure he wants to dive right in And continue to be in those movies He's not distancing himself at all. In any way. Shirtless on magazine covers every chance he gets.

We wrote that role for somebody else who requested it to be written for them. It sounds like you're going to not give us the name. Reese Witherspoon wanted to do it. Yeah. Why didn't she ultimately do it? I don't know. She ended up doing something else. The movie's better off, I think.

We should have looked dumb in that haircut. That wouldn't work, I think. Those are the comments of Doug Benson. They do not reflect 20th Century Fox Corporation. It might not. It might be. Yeah, that's the reason Amelia Earhart is in the film. It's because we read Winter Fox and said,

I love this movie. My kids love it. I want to play Amelia Earhart is in the film. It's because Reith went to Fox and said, I love this movie, my kids love it, I want to play Amelia Earhart. And we wrote it. And then at the end, she was too busy to do it. Great idea for someone else. That worked out great, because Amy Adams wasn't in Legally Blonde 2. That's the first movie I could think of.

Poor Christmases. I feel like I should have gotten a point that I said Lethal Weapon before I said that. That you got any Lethal Weapon at all was incredibly impressive. Wasn't it, though, a little bit? Yeah. Let's try another one. You can start the bidding.

This movie is a cop movie that there are three movies that have this title. But I'm just thinking about the one from 1995, not the one from 72 or 87. And there are three movies that have this title. But I'm just thinking about the one from 1995, not the one from 72 or 87. And there are 20 names. Wait, 95 is the one? And one is 72? 95 is the one we're looking for.

And one is 72 by the same name. This is the most confusing clue. Would not have helped. 72, when was the next one? 72, then 87, and then 95. They just kept saying, you know what, this title works. Let's keep doing it.

Oh, okay. Totally different movies. Different movies with the same title. So it's not like Blue Streak. But they all have cops in it. It's not Blue Streak. Or maybe the first one doesn't have cops in it. The first one doesn't.

All right, most confusing clue ever. Just 20 names. It's from 1987. From 87, I'll say 16. He's going ever. Just 20 names. It's from 1987. From 87? I'll say 16. He's going to get it in 16. I'll say 10. 10 names.

Good. Let's move this along. Fuck it, nine. I like when he says fuck it and then only goes down one more time. I'll go seven. You go seven. He's going seven.

Great. That's it? He's going seven. You want him to name and say it? Name that movie. Name that time. I'll go seven. You go seven. He's going seven. Great. That's it? He's going seven. You want him to name and say it? Name that movie. Name that movie. Here we go. Wait, can I ask, are they all cop movies?

All three. I think two of them are. I'll even read the first one. A little bit more confusing. The first one, it says, Andrew Warhol meets Sunset Boulevard. That's probably not a cop movie. But then the second one is a cop movie.

That's the first one? Yeah, the first one's 72. Then the second one's a cop movie. Oh, no. That's the first one? Yeah, the first one's 72. Then the second one's a cop movie from 87. Andy Warhol's not a movie, it's a guy. I know, isn't that weird that he would meet a street and then... A whole movie is just one weird looking guy sitting on a street sign. They mean an Andy Warhol movie meets the movie Sunset Boulevard, right? I think, yeah.

I think that's what he means. They don't talk in shorthand here. They don't say he left the building. They say he ankled. All right. They know you're in the biz. She said, Amelia Earhart says ankles.

Oh, yeah. Let's ankle. I like that. Okay, Jeremy Piven, Tone Loke, Henry Rollins, Hank Azaria, Kevin Gage. Is that six names? Tom Noonan.

This is the 87. 87. No, no, 95. This is the 95. 95. Henry Rollins was in it. Yeah. And Tone Loke.

And Jeremy Piven. And Hank Azaria. You have the Tone Loke box set at home don't you I do I know by heart and Tom Noonan Tom Noonan is that guy that's always

really creepy like he was the big weird creepy guy in Manhunter that was like you know serial killer Tone Loke

Tone Loke is in it I know that doesn't help that hurts it hurts it hurts you can't what Henry Tone Loke was in Henry Rollins That doesn't help. That hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Henry Rollins hasn't been in that many.

Ace Ventura. Henry Rollins? Oh, Tom Locke was in Ace Ventura. And Johnny Mwanek. He's made some powerful choices. Tom Locke sort of paved the way with Ace Ventura for Ice-T to be on Special Victims Unit. He really opened up the door to raspy rappers who don't act way with Ace Ventura for Ice-T to be on Special Victims Unit. Totally.

He really opened up the door to raspy rappers who don't act very well. I don't know. I don't know it. All three of the movies from 72, 87, and 95 are called Heat. And the one I want you guys to guess from 95 was the Michael Mann one

with Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, John Voight, Tom Sizemore, Amy Brenneman, Ashley Judd, Mikkel T. Williamson. Fucking shitload of people in this movie. Dennis Haysbert, Natalie Portman, William Fichtner, the great William Fichtner. Bill Fichtner, sure. Love that guy. You do that with everybody, right?

Just make it sound like you know everybody. I did a TV show with him for a while. What show? It was called MDs really yeah it was terrible all right well we gotta go do you guys have anything you want to plug uh no we're gonna be coming up we're very excited you got a new show next next season possibly it's you're working on a pilot new pilot a lot of the Reno faces are going to be on it oh that's fantastic I could never tie the Reno face are going to be on it. Oh, that's fantastic. I could never tie the Reno faces. It's going to be very funny. Fantastic.

Pleasure to have you guys on here. I don't know either of you terribly well. We've met, but this was an absolute delight. Hmm. You both seem to judge my sincerity. I don't say that after shit shows. That was a good one. It was good. I'm going to go ahead and say that was a good one. It don't say that after shit shows that go horribly. That was a good one.

It was good. I'm going to go ahead and say that was a good one. It didn't go horribly is what you're saying. It went a lot better than horribly. I'll take that.

I'll take that. Would you like that in a review? This movie's a lot better than horrible. It's better than horrible. We never get that, but yeah.

Well, I'm going to be, I got some plugs, I'm going to be at Ohio State performing and just hanging out on the campus on October 28th and I'll be at the Funny Bone

in Bloomington in Bloomington, Indiana November 12th through the 14th this is 2009 of course in case you're listening to this podcast years from now one of your listening to it years in the past get ready

those dates are coming up remember when that naked dude showed up in the parking lot and warned you that Doug Benson was coming to town in 20 years

when people do finally get around to making a time machine it's just gonna be for something like that to go back and get the jump on a podcast it's just gonna be for something like that. To go back and get the jump on a podcast. It's just gonna be advertising shit.

Hey, Coke Zero's coming out in a quarter century. Be ready. Thanks for being on the show, guys! Thanks, Doug! And as always, Go to the farm with the shithead. Yeah, I know, it's cool. Go to the farm.

Yeah, I know it's cool. It's been fun.