Doug Loves Movies - Tom Lennon, Rob Huebel, and Kumail Nanjiani Guest

Episode Date: July 24, 2012

Doug welcomes comedians Tom Lennon, Rob Huebel, and Kumail Nanjiani to the show....See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby Sidney Seeds with 50 as in pop or purple Dizzies, they're still not warm That he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. You knew that.

This you also know. I think everyone here knows everything in this next sentence. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the UCB Theater in L.A. on Tuesday, July 24th, Two Oceans 12. I did it. Give yourselves a round. No. Since last I spoke and you listened,

I did a stand-up show at Hyena's in Fort Worth, Texas, where, gasp, exclamation point, not one audience member brought a name tag. Aww. But, you know, which is cool. But, you know, I just want to let people know that when I do

stand-up shows, if you're into it, I mean, they just weren't into it there. That's cool. But if you're into it, we will, you know, if people bring name tags to Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Toledo, Omaha, Virginia Beach, then, you know, we will play the Leonard Maltin game at the end of the show. But in Fort Worth, not even one person bothered to scribble their name

on a napkin. And I was like, do you guys listen to the podcast? And they were like, yeah. The day before in Dallas, everybody had them, even at the stand-up show. Anyway, I had fun in Fort Worth, nonetheless. And a couple quick updates. The finals of the Tournament of Championships, in case for those who are wondering, haven't happened yet because one of the participants, Jon Hamm, turns out he's really popular and busy

and hard to nail down for a contest that doesn't matter. So I should have told him it was the Olympics. It's in the Olympics, Jon. I need you from August... When does it start, Saturday? Fridays, the opening ceremonies. John, we're going to do it during the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Can you make it?

I'll try that. The prize bag. This is the most thoroughly confusing prize bag you could possibly imagine. Like, none of these things I'm about to show you are in any way an indicator of who's going to come out here. I promise you that none of the people involved in these things are'm about to show you are in any way an indicator of who's going to come out here. I promise you that none of these, none of the people involved in these things are gonna be here. A hat that says The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. No one from Jon Stewart is here.

A one pound Scottish note signed by Ewan McGregor. He is not here. The person who wrote Ewan McGregor on that Scottish one pound note is here. A I love you man hat. That's right. Paul Rudd is not here. I can't show you that one because that one's legit.

And then a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt and Smug Life, a professional humor idiot and Graham Elwood's not here but a copy of his new book, Comedy Film Nerds Guide to Movies, and is that everything? Oh, and also

not here, the new CD from Dan Telfer. It's called Tendrils of Ruin. He's been on the show before. Always a delightful guest. And obviously also not here, The Crow. A crow action figure. Eric Draven will not be here tonight.

But who is here is a delightful trio of gentlemen. Please welcome Tom Lennon, Rob Hubel, and Kumail Nanjiani. Here they are with their wine. What was weird was I actually heard your little kisses in my ear. I didn't want to kiss a stranger. I'd rather kiss you. Were we doing the same bit, but in like parallel universes? Yeah, it was very gentle.

Non-audio bits. I love them. It's feeling a little bit like I could just not talk. I could just sit here and you guys will just go. We were talking about shaved bushes backstage. What, you were?

I kept telling you, save it for the stage. It's not appropriate to talk about it here, but backstage we were like, what? Someone's by the bush? What? It got confusing. about it here but back stage we were like what someone's by the bush what's up what it was it was exactly like that it was just like that did you do shots of wine before coming out here that's Rob Hubel everybody that did most of the talking there and he he of course played Tevin I have to justify this gift in I

love you man and it's the it's the back of his director's chair from the set can He of course played Tevin in I Love You Man and it's the back of his director's chair from the set Can I explain why I have this? I moved today and so I went through all of my garbage and I was like what the, I didn't even know they fucking gave me that. But your character was called Tevin?

I think so. I know so, you know why? Because I auditioned for that role. And my fucking consolation prize was... You got to make out with Paul Rudd and that guy. And this guy. That was... No, I tried to be Tevin. Tevin.

Yeah. Well, Tom Lennon, Rob Hubel, auditioned to be the doctor in Batman. Oh! Guess who took that one down? Boom. Can I just say, I saw the movie last night.

Completely took me out of it. Yeah. I was like, yeah. It is shocking. It is shocking. Love it, love it, love it. What? Hold on.

Tom Lennon? Why? But you were great, and you get a huge laugh. Yeah. Oh, I agree. I agree. I agree. I took me out of it too.

You fixed the fuck out of that knee by the way. Go for it. Are you already doubling down on the poppy? I should have got two of those. Tell everybody about what wine we're having tonight. Tonight's a poppy. It's a reasonably priced Pinot Noir. If you're looking for a super reasonably priced Pinot Noir and you're running

as fast as you can because you're not sure how long Doug's going to smoke pot so you need to find something to get to that level this is popular. You knew you had until 7.30. The show starts at 7.30. And you also provided the $1 Scottish note one pound Scottish note that says

Ewan McGregor on it. I autographed Ewan McGregor on it. I autographed Ewan McGregor's signature to it. It's very nice of you to do that. And Kumail Nanjiani ladies and gentlemen

is also here and he he contributed that crow figurine. Figurine? Is that the right word? No, it's an action figure. That crow

that crow play toy. Because it's articulated. That crow that crow doggy toy. You know why? Because you can't rain all the time. That's from that movie. How much more of this do I need? Visit them on the web at www.

Now, Camille, you are not in the movie Batman. I'm the only one who's not. By the way, I was... You fixed the fuck out of his knee because he can barely walk, and then a scene later, he's being fucking Batman. They cut all of those scenes.

Did I say anything about spoilers before we came out here? No, you apparently not. I meant to. Okay, spoiler, he becomes Batman at some point. But you didn't see all the time where he's doing squat thrusts and I'm saying, two more. Give me two more. One more.

Give me one more. Explain to me, you said that you play the same guy that you played in Memento? Are we going to jump ahead to that? Yes. Ahead to that? Yes. How much time do you think we're going to fucking do on this topic? I am, as far as I can tell, I am the same doctor in both movies.

As far as you can tell? As far as I can tell. Name-wise? What do you do in Memento? My character has this exact same name, which is doctor. Which, by the way, people... Doctor. And Gotham had amazing spate of sunny days back when Memento took place.

And was quite a beautiful place to live, as I recall. By the way, I am the only linchpin between the movie Memento, The Dark Knight Rises... Linchpin is a strong word. And when I'm the gynecologist in What's Your Number?

Also, my best stuff as the gynecologist in What's Your Number also got cut. What's your big... You said you had more lines in this one. Do you want to know the actual spoiler? Yes. Okay, here's the actual spoiler. I won't get in trouble because the movie's out and it's not in the movie. I got delivered I got hand delivered one page of the Dark Knight Rises script

on a red piece of paper, and the scene ahead of mine, there was one line that was crossed out, and the scene right after mine, everything was blacked out with a huge black marker. So I couldn't see anything that was going on. And the reason it's red is apparently you can't Xerox it. So this dude shows up at my house, he's like here's the page I'm like do I have

to sign for this or something like that no no this is safe it was the guy that delivered it dressed as a bat he had become an idea also the idea was El Pollo Loco. He had become the idea of an insane, delicious chicken. I'm still stuck on Xerox. Has everybody told you Xerox things? It was on a red piece of paper. Is that a thing that happens now? It had my name emblazoned across it, and it was red, and everything was blacked out.

And I was like, do I have to sign for it? And the dude gave me a look like, no. But it was also a look like, but Chris Nolan knows you have this now. So if it falls into the wrong hands, you are the weak link. You'll be taken out. I can't imagine the impact it would have on people

to know the doctor scene before seeing the movie. You ready? I can tell you now the joke that got cut. Okay. It was the joke that got cut. And the movie, build up to it more. Fuck you.

More table diagrams. Yeah, yeah. What time of day did the guy ring the doorbell? By the way, the longer you talk about this, the less we talk about what to expect

when you're expecting. The fucking... Rob, Rob Hubel, who's drinking my discount Pinot Noir like there's fucking no tomorrow. I'll tell it at the end of the show. Oh, you won't tell it now? Hubel wants us to move on.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Tell it. What do you mean at the end of the show? At the end of the show. The show will be over then. Oh, fuck it. Okay, so here's what I say. I say, the end of the show, the show will be over then. Oh, fuck it. Okay, so here's what I say. I say... The end of the show, the show will be over then.

That is amazing logic. It's the worst time for anecdotes when there's no show anymore. Why are you not Mitt Romney's head speechwriter now? Here's what I said to Bruce Wayne, because I'm Bruce Wayne's doctor, not Batman.

Oh, Jesus, you're giving away so much. I said, the only part of... Batman doesn't need doctors. But Bruce Wayne does. Okay, go ahead. Say it. I don't want to...

Okay, fuck it. So, here's what I said. It's probably cutting me on the floor. I said, honestly, the only part of your body that looks okay is your liver, so if you're looking for a hobby, I recommend you take up drinking.

Oh. Wow, that's funny. It got cut because the movie's two hours, 45 minutes long. And that extra 15 seconds would be murder. And then there's this long scene where we're in a sauna, and I've got a towel, and he's doing squat thrusts, and I'm saying, two more. I like the movie, but the line,

you know, Bane there done done that really took me out of it you went crazy with those on Twitter yesterday that was so written days before you came here no pain no Bane that was his entire back story

when he says get ready for the Bane course that did not did not care for that I don't even get that one. Oh, Bane course. I get it now, yeah.

I didn't get that one either. That was probably more of a language barrier. Can't Bane all the time. Can't Bane all the time. That was a callback to the joke that didn't work out here. Guy who's texting. I get it. The crow two didn't work at all.

Guy who's texting. Guy who's texting. It's so super distracting. But it's illuminating your boobs in a beautiful way. I love it when people in the audience text. They put a light on them. It's literally the most distracting thing you could possibly do. I'm an asshole.

Here are my balls. Check me out. Check out my balls. What were you doing? You were sending that spoiler into Gawker? Make it a blind item. Is it a spoiler of things make it a blind item is it a spoiler of something

if it's not in a movie that's just life it could be a blind item the unknown actor who plays the doctor in Dark Knight Rises said something

that's apparently not in a movie that's some useless shit before we get into the games portion of the show, I just want to quickly ask Tom. It's interesting that the three of you are here, because you're all friends,

and I just sort of call people and ask them to come down. But you're all involved in Tom's co-writing, co-directing, and co-starring motion picture, Hell Baby. That's correct. All of us just got back from a couple months in New Orleans where we went and made... Some of us were only there for three days. But I don't care about any stories

about the three of you guys. I want to know about Ricky Lindholm's nude scene because she's really been talking it up like you're going to see Vajahuna. Has she actually? Ricky talked about it? You're going to see Vajahuna. Has she actually? Ricky, you're going to see it. Yeah. I should defer to Ricky because this is not my place to talk about that.

Aren't you in the editing bay looking at it? You've been editing that movie for a long time. Here's my short quote on that. Ricky looks amazing in the movie. Oh, good, good. How's that? That's good. Happy ending.

Why was I not there? That was the one day I was not around. Really? Yeah. You couldn't bring him in to be a gaffer that day? There's a ton of graphic nudity in Hell Baby. Look at that. He's a great boom operator.

Boom operator. All I'll say about Ricky is she's a real sport and does a pretty amazing scene with Rob Corddry in the movie. You also get to see, hey, are you into Rob Corddry's butt? Not at all. Some hands went up and one guy clapped. Rob Corddry's

in really good shape, isn't he? He like... Doesn't bald head mean hairy ass? He does. No, no, Rob actually is in kind of good shape. It's just like... I don't know if it's going to be talked about as much as Ricky's. You got him to shave for it, didn't you?

Whose butt is hairier, Ricky's or Rob's? We might have to go to the tape on that one. I wish we weren't talking about this. You're making us go to the tape on that one. I wish we weren't talking about this. You're making us go to the tape on all of it. Dark Knight's a big intense movie that you're sitting there spoiling the shit out of. And then we can't drag any details about hell, baby.

I could really fuck up Dark Knight with one sentence. Has anybody not seen this movie? Everyone's seen it, right? Yeah, listeners have been seeing it. No, no, don't. It's an amazing movie? Everyone's seen it, right? Listeners have been seeing it It's an amazing movie Don't spoil it I'll have you back next week

To spoil it? Spoil Savages Oh, it's not very good Same thing What were we talking about before? Isn't the same dude who's in Savages It's been a bad year for him Battleship Oh, the handsome face Same thing. Yeah. What were we talking about before? Isn't the same dude who's in Savages in... It's been a bad year for him.

Battleship and John Carter. Oh, the handsome face guy. Taylor Kish, yeah, he's been in three... So he's like some witch in another dimension cursed his year of movie. What happened? Oh, Savages isn't a complete flop. I heard it's actually kind of a good movie.

It's doing all right. Somebody said it was good. That might have been Oliver Stone. Yeah. At the press junket for Savages. Oh, I know where I heard that. That was Oliver Stone at the press junket sitting in front of the poster

with the dude from John Carter from Mars. I'll give it a B+. Oliver Stone. Yeah, I just, I don't know. Well, I don't get how that guy suddenly got to be in all these movies. Like, how, had he been in any of them? He was great for five seasons on Friday Night Lights. Yeah, he's from TV.

He did a good job. TV people are the worst. Don't put them in movies. They don't translate. They're little and icky. Very charismatic. But, you know, then they put him in movies going, he's fighting aliens in two of them,

and Oliver Stone's the director of the third one. What's he going to do? He just shows up for work and hopes for the best. At least he's in three movies this year. Oh, no. Who else can say that besides Rob Hubel? I'm not in fucking Jack. You know, I was just thinking...

Wait a second. You're in at least two. A couple. But I was just thinking that... Kidding aside, these guys are both amazing in Hell, Baby. They really are.

I was being quiet because I was thinking how much I love to come on this show and shit on other people's movies. But me and this guy were in What to Expect When You're Expecting

and me and this guy were in a movie called When You're Expecting, and me and this guy were in a movie called Life As We Know It. Oh, no. Both fucking baby movies. Was that me? I've, like, changed some part of my brain

so that that happened to my twin brother who then committed suicide. Yeah. We don't have to shit on What to Expect When You're Expecting because every time you come on,

Doug brings it up six times. Only once in a 90-minute episode, and when I brought it up in a nice way the first thing you said was, fuck you. I brought it up because I was genuinely excited about it. I did not see it because Because it's what to expect when you're expecting.

Well, the reviews weren't good and I was like I don't want to go sit and watch my friends in something that they would be like, well, thank you for going. How was it? What did you guys think of it? It's amazing. It's amazing. Wait, what? No, it's horrible.

No, it's not horrible. It's actually funny if you're pregnant. If you're pregnant, if you're ready to drop, go see that movie. You'll love it. It'll induce. Otherwise, you're like, who cares? This isn't about me.

Why am I watching this? I will say, they cut out, Hubel, wouldn't you agree, they cut out all the funny super gay stuff I did? Got cut out. Wait, what? Yeah, Tom. I forgot about that.

Tom was actually a super. Funny gay stuff. And this might be just me, but I decided my character was in love with Joe Manganiello from True Blood. And so literally I, lean on him like a schoolgirl kicking my heel and stuff.

I did a lot of weird stuff. Oh, because he was in the movie, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you meant you just picked somebody that character's in love with. I was like, oh, this is all so funny.

I'm just going to be super weird. But you're married and having a baby in the movie, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a huge bummer if you're gay for someone else. Right. I'm married, in the movie, I'm married to Wendon McClendon Covey, who's climbing on Reno 911.

Yeah. True fact. That's the truth. Weird trivia. Anyway, yeah. They sold that movie, though, on you guys and Chris Rock and the other dude pushing the baby carriages. They tried desperately to be like, hey, guys, guys, there's something in it for you. Guys complaining about babies.

No, that's not interesting either. By the way, I auditioned for that fourth guy. The one that wasn't you or Chris Rock. That's like the vaguely brown man. Oh, yeah, he was definitely a VBM. Yeah, VBM. I get all VBM parts. I would argue that he was actually specifically brown.

I was not that big. I think the movie's funny. I think it's funnier if you're pregnant. That's all I'll say about it. Let's talk about Ted. I saw Ted. Did anyone see Ted? He's here. I. I saw Ted. Did anyone see Ted? I thought it was funny.

You do this at some point during every episode. You lean your chair all the way back against the wall, and then you start asking, like you bring up a new topic. I know. It's hilarious. He was trying to distract from how shitty that movie we were in was. It's a great move. But it was a huge hit, wasn't it? No, Mark, no.

Good God, no. It lost something like $80 million. How did it have $80 million to live? And yet we made no money on it. I have a new game called How Much Did This Shit Make? Where I take either a hit or a flop that I don't think, you know, it's not my

cup of tea, you know, it's a cup of shit. And then I say, you know, everybody bid on how much you think it ultimately made at the domestic box office. Right, we could call that Price is Wrong, too, or something. Sure, sure, but I like how much did this shit make. Right. Because it's longer and more awkward. Yes. And so today we're going to play a movie called...

We'll start with Rob, and then we'll go to Kumail, and then we'll go to Tom. And you can pull the Price is Right moves, the classic Price is Right moves, because it's closest without going over. Can I say that the length of time it took you to think of all of our names is a pretty good PSA against pot.

Because... Hello, suspect number two. Oh, wine has nothing to do with it. And there was a pretty long pause. This is also a wine called Poppy named after heroin. That's what we're drinking. This has got us pretty fucked up. Visit them on the web at www.

are we really playing but the great part is we take the pauses out in the edit and then you look stupid can I say something about Ted did it bum you out

that they rip on Brandon Routh at the end for no reason what movie Ted what I'm sorry I was making a face

Ted it bummed me out that they made fun of Brandon Routh at the end the guy who was in Superman what movie Ted what I'm sorry I was making a face Ted it bummed me out that they made fun of Brian and Ralph at the end the guy who was in Superman yeah yeah

it's weird they show a still of him and just do seven beats of how shitty Superman Returns is like it was his fault

yeah he was good in it it's really that's one of the weirder it was mean family guy out of nowhere slams

yeah there's a couple of them cause also as much as I may or may not have enjoyed Jack and Jill I don't understand family guy out of nowhere slams. Yeah. There's a couple of them. Because also, as much as I may or may not have enjoyed Jack and Jill, I don't understand why a fucking talking teddy bear

gives a shit one way or other about how good that movie was. Yeah, it has very strong opinions. Yeah, yeah. But anyway,

the movie you're going to play right now is called Transformers. The first Michael Bay Transformers. The whole domestic run. To this date, according

to Box Office Mojo, how much money Rob... The first one. Did it make domestic or international? Domestic. Domestic, the first one made... I'll say 250... Domestic. Domestic, the first one made. Domestic box office. I'll say...

250... Million. Yeah. Camille? I'm gonna go for... It's bad to go over, right? I don't know prices. Yeah, you don't want to go over.

Okay. Do they show Bush in the first one? I'll go $350. If you think it's less than $250, you can say $249 and fuck around. I'll go $350. Oh, okay. You sounded like a waiter. Oh, okay.

Sure. Yeah, I know that's a shitty order, but I'll take it. You seem excited about it. Tom? Transformers Domestic? Transformers domestic. Transformers is... I do not know if Transformers is on the all... Is it on the...

I'm doing the math in my head. There's an all-time list. You see Optimus' Prime. No, no, I know. Optimus Prime shows his dick. No, I know. Yeah, and Ricky's naked in that movie. I'm going to go substantially lower with domestic,

because it's better internationally. Because here's the problem when those movies come out. The robots in other countries speak German, they speak Chinese, they speak French. So if you see it in a foreign country, the robot goes like, Sacrebleu! And it makes even more... It still works.

It still works for them. So I'm thinking domestically... It's true of just action movies in general. It doesn't have to be a robot. But robots are even easier to dub than some of our action stars. I'd take Vin Diesel over a robot for dubbing purposes.

How dare you. I invited you all here for a mission. You know, he gets Stallone to do it. So what's your guess? I think domestic 198. Shit. Can I change my answer?

No, you can't change it. I would love to change it. They don't let you do that? Today, I would love to change it. Bob Barker wouldn't let you do that. Just today. Well, that's a shame that you want to change it because without going over,

you went over. Can to change it because without going over, you went over. Can I change it? Can I really quickly change it? You went over it quite a bit. So at 250, Rob is our winner because the actual total is $319 million. I was fucking the closest.

Do I win? These arbitrary rules about can't go over, that's fucking bullshit. Have that argument with Drew Carey and with Bob Barker before him.

This is Price is Right rules. Do I win $319 million? Oh, I didn't think this through. Shit. God damn. What would Optimus Prime's dick look like? I don't know. Maybe one of the name tags that are here

in the audience tonight that you gentlemen get to select between before we play the Leonard Maltin game. I thought there'd be more applause right there. Yeah, me too. But they can't applaud when they're holding up their name tags. So go physically grab the name tag you want to play for, guys.

Whatever one speaks to you. Katie and Mia went to a lot of trouble with a piece of paper and a pen. Lars. Lara. Sorry, Lara. You don't look like a Lara as I was looking at the sign. Megan is here. Andrew has a little

tiny popcorn that everyone just walked right past. I feel like Caleb really phoned it in. I don't think it's winning anybody over. There's a Caleb loves movies. Caleb helped spell the K. Oh, that's pretty cool. And that's me.

I'm on there. People put me into their name tags. This guy made a movie poster with you in it. Oh, that's not true. I won the last time we did this. And he couldn't think of a movie that had Joshua, like for a pun or, you know, to slip the word Joshua in. So it's just Joshua the Constant Gardener. Also, why Constant Gardener?

What a movie to pick. Oh, my God. It was like, everyone was just like, take a break from gardening. Yeah, geez. You're a gardening menace. Always with the gardening. Oy vey. Who are you playing for, Kumail? I'm playing for Allison. You're a gardening menace. Always with the gardening.

Oy vey. Who are you playing for, Kumail? I'm playing for Allison, who is a Smurfette. She has a Smurfette t-shirt that says Allison. Now, does he get to keep that? Because I think he should jog in it. Allison's cool with it. A little Smurfette t-shirt. It's adorable.

I won't be the only guy in Silver Lake jogging in this either. Are we going to acknowledge Lance Armstrong in the audience or are we not going to and from where I'm sitting the stories are true the stories you mean the medical facts yeah the news stories you know how it is

let me get some more of this poppy in my glass before we proceed. Why not visit them on the web at www.you. Fuck it. Now, there's no show after mine tonight, correct? No. Okay, good. So we'll take our time with this. Thanks.

All right, there you go. Thank you for bringing that, Tom. Oh, you can go to Joshua's website which is grandmascock.com grandmascock.com god damn it Eugenius where does that guy

there he is look at him smiling like he just got done with grandma's cock and Tom is playing for wet hot American Heather. She wrote it on a cardboard box. Yeah, and I believe that's the talking soup can. And the talking soup can is vividly depicted on the front of the site. Heather, are you a homeless person?

She's been sitting on the corner with this, not getting any headway. So she thought, maybe if I go into the UCB theater, I will win some prizes that I probably will not be able to sell. Which means you will have made slightly more than Wet Hot American Summer. Yeah. We would have all lost if we'd guessed those numbers for Wet Hot American Summer.

Yeah, but I would, you know, that movie's not shit, so it's disqualified from this game. At least for now. Could be any movie. Who cares? But Rob, you won that game, right? Yeah. Yeah, by a lot. So you get to go first. You get to go first in Leonard Maltz.

That means you get to pick a category. And again, you're playing for Joshua, who never stops fiddling with the tomatoes. That was the working title. And they changed it to Constant Gardner because it was based on

a book of the same name, probably. Joshua, who is this woman in the poster? I see Doug and I see you. Who is this lady? Raquel Weiss. Oh. So that's just the real word.

He called her Raquel Weiss, but we all know better. Is it pronounced Raquel? I think it's Rachel. Don't try to European her up. Is that not a disqualification for being a dick? You wrote Rachel on here too. And then you had to say Raquel.

Raquel Weiss. Go to grandmascock.com. This has to be a flag on the plane. We don't give a shit about stuff. Alright, so we're out of time. Thank you to my guests. You guys are all strong competitors. I might team you up with Pete and TJ and Jeff at some point.

I'll beat those guys into the fucking ground. Who's Jeff? Jeff Garland. Oh, okay. We did an entire episode where we didn't even get to the games. Were those the three people you picked? Yeah, can you imagine? That was your mistake.

I did it on purpose. It was hilarious. It was the love it or hate it episode of the century. Of all podcasting. Although, I'll get it. What are the categories? Let's give you some categories, buddy. Would you like...

At Everdarkmoon, Everdarkmoon, suggested Bottomless Pit. And that's movies where Brad Pitt eats. And when you think about it, he's always eating. Except for when he's punching someone. And then we have

at Blake underscore Blount, B-L-O-U-N-T suggested mother lover. And that's a category where this is one of two movies. Either a movie where an actor and an actress played lovers or another

movie where that same actor and actress played mother and son. Fuck the guy that suggested that category. That is a messed up category. I'm just proud that I remembered it and said it out loud. He has proven to us how smart he is. Message received. We get it.

You're smart. Or, at Jeff DeCaro suggested Blues Cruise, which is movies where Tom Cruise cries. Fuck yeah. Yep. Yep.

Magnolia. Oh, come on, come on, come on. Bro, bro, bro, bro. Bro. In this country, how we play games is... Bro. In my country, we just look for food. That's how we play games.

See, I was just teeing it up for you. Just teeing it the fuck up. And we throw rocks in the general direction of the West. Sometimes they hit. You hit big on 9-11. You fucking hit big on 9-11. Those fucking rocks. Oh my God.

Kamel, you joke, but if you did that, that would be awesome. Every day just throwing rocks in America. No, I meant just change your stand-up set from all the smart you did that, that would be awesome. Every day just throwing rocks in America. No, I meant just change your stand-up set from all the smart shit you do to that. Do that? Big star. Boom. But seriously, wait your turn before you yell again.

In my country, Humvee look for you. Yeah. In my country, 9-11 never forget about you. Okay, those weren't amazing, but they, you know. They painted a picture. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. I have to draw a line.

Okay. There you go. Okay. Start with Rob. You know how this works. He didn't pick a category. You played it before. I did.

I picked the Tom Cruise one. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. And then he yelled Magnolia. Okay, three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie from 1999 that's a mosaic of misery with an array of characters

ranging from a dying man and his angelic male nurse to a precocious kid presumed to perform on a TV game show who must deal with anger, guilt, isolation, the sins of fathers, and ultimately forgiveness on an almost biblical level

almost frogs fall from the sky Leonard fine performances in this emotionally exhausting film including a dynamic cruise as a self-centered Pied Piper of Saterdom overall impact is muted by the film's

sheer length Tom's back did you just go to a screening Overall impact is muted by the film's sheer length. Tom's back. Did you just go to a screening of what to expect when you're expecting and then run back over? Okay, so that's all on the table. But we're still going to play the game. How many names do you think Rob Eubuff, out of... I want you to read it all again. I wouldn't mind hearing it again.

Out of 19 names, out of 19 names, how many names do you think it would get for you to guess the name of this movie? Zero names. Smart bit. Now,

we go to Camille, and you know about negative names, right? What is that? You just give me names from random other movies? No. If you go, I can name it in negative one names, you have to name the movie

and the top billed person in the movie according to Leonard Maltin. He gets it. According to Leonard Maltin. Yeah, so it's tricky. Wait, so it's not what the studio wanted, it's what Leonard Maltin wanted. It's generally what the studio wanted. He tries to go by the billing on the movie,

but as you know, having been in films, sometimes they go alphabetical, and then you've got to make up your own mind. All right, I'll go negative one. Tom? If I said negative two, I have to say top build, or can I say last build? No, you have to say...

It'd be very impressive if you get to say... You could guess number 19, just nail it out of a cast of 100 people. But I know who last build is. I'm positive. But I don't know who the... Let's discuss that later. And also, this is a one round version of the game. Whoever wins this round wins the whole thing.

What? Really? This is it? That's bullshit. This is still going to take a little while,. That's bullshit. I fucked it up. This is still going to take a little while, I have a feeling. I'll go negative two. So you have to name the movie and the top billed actor or actress and then the second one in the right order.

Alright, what are you going to do with that, Rob? I get to go again? Yeah, you can go negative three if you want or say name it. I feel like I fucked up this game. If he fails... How so? By screaming out the title of the movie ten minutes before the movie was mentioned? How could that possibly fuck it up?

In a way, I said it with zero anything. So, I should win. Oh, if that were the game, can you imagine the yelling? If people just blurt out as many names as they can until they get the right one. It would be kind of fun, like maybe at a party.

I say to Tom, name that movie. Okay, so Tom has to tell us the name of the film. Good luck with that. I can't think of the name of the film. For reals? Okay, we'll come back to it.

I'm obviously joking. Kamail said it 25 minutes ago now. I'm going to go by order. Because I know the one that you think is first. Say the title of the film first. All this clever trickery you're doing. The film is called Magnolia. The top two...

Correct. I feel like this is almost completely my fault. Almost completely. It's still an interesting game because I... And the top two build... I don't think he's going to do it. I'm going to box them. I'm going to box them.

You know, you've been to the racetrack? When you box them, it means it's either one or the other and it's either order. No, I need them in the correct order. Okay, they are Julianne Moore and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Okay, the movie is Magnolia. Authoritative microphone slam. Yeah, that was Tom.

It wasn't the other guys, Matt or something. And, uh, yeah, you missed it on both counts. Alright. Tom Cruise and Julianne Moore. Wait, what? I missed it on one count, and fuck you. What do you mean? Julianne Moore. Wait, what? By the way, I missed it on one count, and fuck you. What do you mean?

One of my names, Julianne Moore was my second name. And then you said I was wrong the whole time. It was in the right spot. It was in the right spot. I'm sorry. I apologize. No, no, no. It was right name, right spot.

So don't say I missed it on both counts. You said Julianne Moore was number one. Fuck you. You're right. What's important is who the real winner is, and that's me. That's Rob Hubel our winner he did it way to fucking earn it buddy

really you really earned that victory I feel we started a couple of minutes late so just for laughs let's do one more quick round

yeah just this is just for laughs and also for me to make an important point we're gonna play we'll start with Kumail This is just for laughs. And also for me to make an important point. We're going to play... We'll start with Kumail. Joshua the Constant Gardener. No?

And then we'll go in the other direction. So then we'll go to Tom. I won the movie gross thing and this. Fuck, man. On top of the world. Everything's coming up, Hubel. I could have sex with all of y'all. Maybe you could relax

and garden a little less. Okay. So, I'm just going to give you a category because I also need to explain something about the category. The category is X-Men and it's movies that have transsexuals in them.

One or more. I've said it in the past on a previous show. I said trannies. Don't say that. I said that once on the Nerdist. On our podcast you said it. That's what I'm saying.

The vitriol. Yeah, I mean, I think, personally, I think it's a fun word because I say it about cars all the time. Like, if somebody says I have a problem with my car, I just go, what'd you do, drop your tranny? Because it sounds like you know what you're talking about. And so I enjoy that word. And so I mistakenly, I said it, and the audience laughs. That makes it even more painful so I just want to be on the record as saying that these are movies that feature a transsexual

and to not call them that other thing. It's like their N word. It's like calling them N Knight. I fucked that up. It's M Knight not N Knight. N Knight Shyamalan. It would be. Night, not N. Not N. Might. N. Might.

N. Might Shyamalan. It would be cool if M. Night Shyamalan changed his name to N. Night Shyamalan. Oh, N. Word. N. Word Night Shyamalan. That would be amazing.

If it was N. Word Night, N. Word Shyamalan. I mean, is it N. Word or is it the actual word? No, no, it's just, it's literally N. Word. Oh, okay.

Shyamalan. I would see the next one at least. Okay. Is it N-word or is it the actual word? No, no, it's literally N-word. Oh, okay. Shyamalan, I would see the next one at least. Okay. Oh, wow, he went nuts. The year, Kumail, is 2005. Okay. Leonard Mullen gives it three stars. Peak of human civilization.

He says about this movie, of course course he gets to the word transsexual in the second word of the review. And he also calls this a comedy drama. And he also says that the writer-director was their feature, their debut feature as a writer and director. And he lists

seven names. How many names do you think you can get it in? 2005. Five. and he lists seven names. How many names do you think you can get it in? 2005. Five. Five. He says, now we go to Tom. I can't do better than that.

You don't think so? I don't think so. 2005, I'm really... And it's got three stars? That's what he gave it. He said three stars. I would say name that movie. It seems like his review is neither here nor there.

No, it's three stars. That's pretty positive. That's fairly positive. It means it's good. Yeah. So you say name that movie to Camille? Wait, I don't get in on this? No, you might not. 2005 is a black hole for me because I was probably doing a lot of drugs.

If we go 90s, I saw the movie. I'm going to say name that movie in five, apparently. Okay. Here's your five names out of seven. Still tough, I think. Impossible, I think. Impossible, I think. No, not impossible. I fucking got it.

Carrie Preston, Burt Young, Graham Greene, Elizabeth Pena, and Fionnuala Flanagan. Oh, Fionnuala Flanagan's in this one. Is Graham Greene the guy from Dances with Wolves? Yes. And transsexual, so probably your best bet would be

something that has transsexual or transsexuals in it. There's a guy named Burnt Pain in it, right? Is that what it says? Burnt Taint? Burnt Taint, Fiona Flanagan. M. Night Shyamalan should change his name to Burnt Taint. Burnt Young. Burnt Young.

Burnt Young Taint. Burnt Young Taint. The sweet smell of to Burt Taint. Burt Young. Burt Young. Burt Young Taint. Burt Young Taint. The sweet smell of Burt Young Taint. From the mind of Burt Young Taint comes a world where Graham Green is not a tranny because we don't use that word. Oh, damn you. It's at Tom Lennon on Twitter, right?

From N-word Shyamalan comes a vaguely brown guy film featuring burnt taints and transgenders is what dress up. What's transsexual?

You should stop talking. You don't have a good track record. I'm fine. No, that was the indoor kids. Nobody listens to that. I think Chastity Bono is transsexual.

It changes gender. By the way, that was a legitimate question. Transvestitis dresses up as. Watch how at Rob Hubel stays so far away from all this. Is this so... You look like you got a lot of sun recently. Wait, Rob Hubel? Rob Hubel who started the burnt taint production.

That was 100% your bit. Let's check the tape. Do I guess? Yes, please. Is it Transamerica? Yes. I would like it to be noted for the record that

Kumail pointed to left field as if he just hit a grand slam? He literally did the cockiest gesture. I got the tweets telling me... And he's still doing a cocky face. It's... Oh. Oh.

Ooh, it's a bummer. Yeah. Did anyone in here see Transamerica? I didn't see it. I did. I saw it. By the way, if you're allowed to say that If you're allowed to say that, why can't we say Transformers?

You can't say Trannyformers Which I'm sure is a movie I'm sure it made less money than that But everybody really wanted to spend that money You're at Kumail Nanjiani At Kumail N on Twitter wanted to spend that money. You're at Kumail Nanjiani? At Kumail N on Twitter. My name is Tom Lennon.

But Rob is still our real winner so Joshua, come get your prize bag full of all that fun stuff. Don't spend that Scottish pound all in one place. Oh, you want your poster back too. Greedy. Greedy. Scottish.

Are you allowed to do that? You just take your thing back? You take your thing back. Yeah, I know. You wanted to keep it. So we give him stuff and then he... No, I don't want it.

No, nobody wants it. It says Grandma's Cock. Just joking around. I don't want that. We should give one more plug for www.grandmascock. Is that an actual domain you own? It's to Douglas movies.

It's something Jeff Garland says. Oh, it is a grandma's cock. It does link to you. Kind of, I guess. You got to watch a lot of grandma's cock videos. It's grandmas playing with their cocks. Is it grandma's cock? Or like grandma's cock, like that's mine.

You know what I mean? Oh, it's grandma's... That's a question for Jeff. You mean, is it grandma's on the hunt for cock? Yeah. Grandma's? Is it plural? So it's like bang bus.

Or possessive? Yeah. Is it like grandma's? Also cock. You know what? I'll have you on with Jeff. You guys can talk about it, and I'll be over here. That'll be awesome.

We also need... I don't have any of the other shitheads because they're not on the back of the name tags I don't think. So come on over and write it down for me. Oh, Heather has it on a piece of paper? Oh, that's just something for him? No, that was for me.

That's a note to him. I just got handed a note. She's like, she's given him, I have some symptoms I'm curious about. Me being handed a note. I know you played a doctor in Batman and you cured him. Yeah.

Saved the whole franchise. I will now accept your note for me. Oh, she just gave him a slap on the hand like he was a dog. The last time I was handed a note is when the Smiths' first album came out.

And that note said... It said the exact same thing, which was, I really enjoyed you and what to expect when you're expecting. That's it? That was a really sweet note.

That is very nice. I'm sorry that I suggested that you might be homeless. Oh wait, it's in... I will check you later, it's okay. Alright, I approve of both of these shitheads, and I'd like to thank my guests. As always, a delightful threesome.

Tom Lennon, Kumail Nanjiani, Rob Hubel. Any pluggable things, Rob? Yeah, I want to plug a movie that I did with Kumail and Tom Lennon called Hell Baby. Right, right. And Ricky Lindholm, yeah, sure.

Oh, I should plug Children's Hospital, August 9th. Yeah, plug that thing. August 9th. And Tom, that thing. August 9th. And Tom, what about, when can we expect to see Hell Baby? Hell Baby's probably coming out, I would suspect, spring of next year. Yeah? It's just a guesstimate? Yeah, guesstimate.

Got to work it all out? Got to guess. But if you like Human Giant and us and Children's Hospital, it's like a perfect storm of all of the things you might like. Dude, I can't wait. Can't go wrong. It's the best thing we've done. It's really good. It was super fun.

Yeah, super fun. Yeah, every time that people have made a movie, had a great time, it totally translates. Every single time. No, but I think this one will. And Kumail, what about you? Anything else besides Hell Baby? The Indoor Kids podcast. Yes, of course.

I'm an artist. It's not just video game talk. You digress, right? I digress, yeah. We digress. Next season of Portlandia. Are you the same? Wait, I have a question about that.

Are you the same guy? No, I'm not. You're not the wireless toys guy? Because I really like the wireless toys guy a lot. I'll probably be pretty similar. I'm in a similar situation. I'm really excited about the scene and I'm not allowed to say what it is, but I really like the Toys guy. I'll probably be pretty similar. I'm in a similar situation. I'm really excited about the scene, and I'm not allowed to say what it is,

but I'm like, if it happens, it's going to be pretty awesome. Okay. Yeah, they keep shit pretty secretive over at Portland. I love it. I'm going to be doing back-to-back Benson Interruption and Douglas Movies at the Gramercy Theater on August 19th in New York City

and back-to-back Douglas Movies and a stand-up show at Helium in Philly thecy Theater on August 19th in New York City and back to back Douglas movies and a stand up show at Helium in Philly the next night August 20th and as always I don't know which one to read first

I'm going to go with LA City Council is a shithead because they're trying to ban all dispensaries and it's just what? The state voted

to make it legal what are you doing? And then as always Optimus Prime's flaccid cock is a shit-ass. As always.