Doug Loves Movies - Tom Lennon, Robert Ben Garant, and Samm Levine Guest

Episode Date: June 30, 2011

It's another in-studio edition of Doug Loves Movies, this time with actor/screenwriters Tom Lennon and Robert Ben Garant on hand to discuss their new book "Writing Movies for Fun and Profit" and Samm Levine returning to once again administer the Leonard Maltin Game.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug Loves Movies! Hey everybody, my name is Doug and I love movies. That's right, this is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from the Never Not Funny Studios in the Valley of Los Angeles on June 30th to Ocean's Eleven. I just got back from the Greatest Movie Ever World Tour, and I'd like to thank Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase, Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria, Pulse's Gentleman's Club next door to Jukebox Comedy in Peoria, Zany's in Chicago, Funny Bone in Des Moines, Waiting Room Lounge in Omaha, City Arts Center in chicago funny bone des moines waiting room lounge in omaha city art center in oklahoma city and the improv in houston oh and also the houston airport where it's a great airport if you love having the word cart yelled at you repeatedly uh i had a cart i

had a great time slogging through all of those places. And Burbank as well is the final show on the tour. We're going to do that tonight. And Graham Elwood was there with me. And it's going to be a movie someday. It's week six of me not seeing Pirates 4, Prince of Tides. And it's week two of me not seeing Green Lantern. And week one of me not seeing Cars 2. Apparently Doug doesn't love movies.

Doug has no interest in movies whatsoever. Weeks are going by of not seeing any of these movies. The Tournament of Championships continues next week at the UCB Theater. I'll be having the final three competitors, including Mr. Sam Levine. And I've got shows coming up in Ventura, California, Cleveland, Ohio, Toledo, also in Ohio,

Columbus, Ohio trifecta, Pleasanton, California, and for all my tour dates, go to douglasmovies.com. And here it is. Here's the part of the show where I bring you guys in. You did a great job of being quiet. Water skates and jelly beans and Ragnarok tag and Vaseline,

and cars, and trouts, and pearls. We had to throw that version out because it was just like, people prefer a show that's about one thing. Dogs,

loves, groovies. Groovies? Groovies. Groovies? He loves things that are groovy. I messed up parts, some parts.

It was pretty good. You can cut it together. We'll cut it together. Can we cut, some parts. It was pretty good. You can cut it together. We'll cut it together. Can we cut it together from the beginning? We'll cut it together. You can cut it together. Yeah, there's a lot of work done in post on this show. My guests today are two Hollywood super talents.

That's what I wrote down about you guys. Actors, writers, producers, authors. Robert Ben-Gurant and Thomas Ben-Lennon. Bon vivant. Man about town. I'm still here waiting for my introduction. Hang on a second. Very well.

Jack of all trades. Hang on, you yenta. Master of nuns. And I spelled master of nuns, N-U-N-S, like as a porno movie. Oh, my God. Master of nuns. That's-N-S. Like it's a porno movie. Oh my god. Master of Nuns. That's pretty good porno. Jack of all trade.

Yeah, if you can master the nuns, you can master anyone. You can catch a fly with chopsticks. Who is this other guy? Joining us as always on all the in-studio episodes. All those eps we have. Sam the Mam Levine. A.K.A. Little Wolverine Thank you

Nice He shaves So he's not so Little Wolverine anymore That was a one shot deal And you've been calling me that For several months now No I know It stuck

I guess it did People love it Okay Yeah We'll make a YouTube video Little Wolverine All I know is He's a Cubs fan

He's a Bud man We're gonna get along We're gonna be best friends, I think. Yeah, we are. You guys just met just now? No, we've met before. The best friendship hasn't kicked in yet. Well, he's got on a pretty revealing pair of shorts for everybody.

They are very short. He's bringing the nut festival to town. I got the sweet spot right across from him. It is like a thousand degrees in the valley every day. You notice I have a... Wow. Four layers.

Four layers. I take some off on your behalf. You're working like the layers thing. I am. You were an Orthodox Jewish girl, right? Yes, I am. That's what I thought. As you know.

Yeah. I pulled a Hasidic guy over recently for cutting me off at an intersection. You pulled him over? I made a citizen pull over. Pull over? Yeah, that's illegal, but I did it. Huh. Why did he respect your authority?

Well, because I literally pulled in front of him with my car and cut him off. Oh, so this is a hate crime? No, no, no. This was just a crime. He cut me off at a stop sign that he didn't stop at. So I made a citizen's pull over, and I gave him a citizen's lecture. Which, by the way, Doug, is also illegal. Why did you?

You're not allowed to lecture other... You're not allowed to physically hold people against their will and lecture them. Yeah, no, that's assault. That's felonies. Several felonies. Why do you think the guy isn't coming after you? Probably yes. Because you were right?

I was right. Did he say he learned his lesson? He acted like he did, but I think he was goofing. Every time I have to get a rental car, they always offer me the $30 a day extra insurance, and they always make the same joke, and everyone thinks it's an original joke, but they make it at every car rental place. Hey, it's the drive it like it's stolen policy. Hey, come on, do whatever you want.

We don't care. You can bring back a wreck i want to do that okay and then when people make bad driving mistakes that are going to hit me i'm just going to let them hit me yeah yeah here's the thing all day long here's the thing about the extra insurance and i know this is a movies podcast i fuck it i got all of the extra insurance one time then i basically totaled oh this was in hawaii on the hana highway which got all of the extra insurance one time Then I basically totaled Oh this was in Hawaii On the Hana Highway Which is one of the world's most dangerous roads It goes from Kahului to Hana

It actually goes all the way around Maui It's a fucking insane road Many places it's one lane Sometimes you turn a corner and it's raining And it wasn't like a second ago It's just crazy Yeah it'll surprise you Yeah it'll surprise the shit out of you.

So I basically destroyed a Jeep that I crashed into a 10-ton truck on that highway. I had all the insurance. I was so psyched. I was like, oh my God, I paid for all of the optional insurance. I did $5,800 damage to the Jeep. With all of the optional insurance that I paid for,

how much do you think I paid? $5,800. $5,800 is exactly what. Every single penny. The optional insurance isn't good for anything. Never get it. Why? Never get it.

Why did they get around here? The optional insurance is if you somehow launch the rental car up into a zeppelin that catches fire and explodes. Yeah, it says that. You initial that on the thing. Killing thousands of innocent people in the city of Hamburg. There's no...

The rental insurance does not help you. Ever. Don't get it. I stopped getting it a long time ago. I don't get it. I think it's because whatever you saw was obviously in Hawaiian and not English. Howly.

Yeah, they don't speak English anymore. Howly. You're the Howly. In Hawaii, they don't. All the locals laughed because you drive around in a total jeep. Yeah, they don't speak English in Hawaii. Howly, you're the Howly. In Hawaii, they don't. All the locals laughed because you drive around in a total Jeep. Oh, they thought it was so funny. Howly, hey Howly.

How much car rental stuff is in your new book? Mostly. 80%. Because the book has movies in the title, so you get kind of excited about having some authors of a movie book come in to talk on a movie show. And then you just...

Mostly car insurance tips. You get sidetracked by car insurance 99 because there's so much fun it's middle-aged guy in fact rental agreement talk once we when we leave the show we have to go actually do that show car talk in a minute so uh with click and clack with tapas brothers so um well i can tell by the way that you're looking at the book that you haven't read it yet and yet No you just handed it to me I know I wish I'd gotten you one earlier No but it's like it's going to be out from now on right

It's not a limited edition Did it drop today? It drops July 5th In podcast land This is tomorrow so July 1 It drops 4 days from now July 5th Okay so this is perfect timing So rest up over the long holiday weekend

because come Tuesday, you've got some reading to do. Easiest way to remember is line up at the old Amazon. It's only nine days from Bastille Day. That's very easy to remember. How about this? Here's a better way.

Day after the 4th of July. Okay. You think people will remember that? International, do you think? No, I got a better one. Two days after Tom Cruise's birthday. That's good. Because he's born

on the 3rd of July. Did you know that? I did know that. His real last name is Matt Poulter. Wow. A hot room in here today. Not only are we

kind of seeing sandballs and legs and nuts, but they know they're Cruise. They know they're Cruise. We met Tom Cruise twice this year.

We'll get into that later. I've met him as well and I have nothing but good things to say about him that's the thing man crush on him just from being around second you meet tom cruise i don't care how yeah you are you kind of think about having sex with him he has some sort of pheromones that come off of him he's yes he's like he's a um he's like a he's a star he's like a but but in the consolation sense not in the Constellation sense Not in the Yeah he makes you feel

Like everything's Going to be okay The second you're with him You're like Oh you know what Everything's going to be fine Everything's going to work out He's here

Look at this big strong guy He's here And he's my friend And he could really Bum people out Because him being mean to you Oh no As horrible

As him being nice to you Is fantastic It's a super power He's using his for good He could turn that thing like a fight. Well, Matt Lauer, how must that have felt?

Oh, yeah. That was horrible. You don't want that power used against you. Yeah. Poor Matt Lauer. That power of friendship and it...

Did you get a look at the biceps? He works hard. Cruz's biceps? Yeah. They're insane. That's good. He...

That's the thing. You can't jack him higher. Maybe that's why he's nice to everybody is because it's just great to be out of the gym. Maybe. Do you know what I mean? It's just seven hours in the gym each day. Oh, human beings.

They're friendly and not going, ooh. Eye contact. Suri weighs 400 pounds. And he has to pick her up like eight, ten times a day. That's true. Not a lot of people know that. That's how he gets that. Oh, I forgot.

She is a super density baby. Yeah, super density. She's one of those. Super density babies. Oh, man. That's true. That's how he gets that. I forgot she's a super density baby. Yeah, super density. She's one of those. Her real father's crazy. It's actually a black hole. Don't vaccinate your kids. They become super dense. So the book is called

Writing for Profit. Fun end or crossed out. You missed one of the main words. Writing anything. Are you going to do a sequel of writing poems for profit and fun You want to do another run at that Yeah, let me get another run at it Writing Ben Stiller movies for fun and profit

No, his name slipped in there His name gets right up on top It's so confusing In fairness, the quote he gave us is pretty These two guys are the reason Night at the Museum won so many Oscars. Actual quote from him. Yeah. We asked him for something nice for the book, and that's what he gave us.

Yeah, it's close. It's close. No, no, it's pretty close to nice. He should take some of the success for the Oscars that it won. Yeah, it's true. He should take some of the credit. Zach Pende, DeVito, Jonathan Glickman And Ed Helms all read this book And Sean Levy Fantastic

Sean is actually a director of movies you've written Yes The museum movies Perfect example Yes Both of those He's got a movie coming out called Real Steel I don't know why I'm plugging it

Let's get into movies you're boycotting You're boycotting a bunch of movies I feel like there's certain times a year We could have a movie out that you would be boycotting In fact I'm glad that you're not boycotting any of our movies currently Nothing to do with pirates You're boycotting a bunch of movies I feel like there's certain times a year We could have a movie out that you would be boycotting In fact I'm glad that you're not boycotting any of our movies currently Nothing to do with pirates You're boycotting pirates I see I can't even begin to

Force myself to do Pirates 4 Cars 2 Is on my list of things I won't see Because I didn't even like Cars 1 that much That's my least favorite Pixar movie I've never seen it It's the only one I haven't really like Cars 1 that much. That's my least favorite Pixar movie. I've never seen it. I agree with you. It's the only one I haven't really seen.

I agree with you. It's just like, yeah. My nieces and nephews love it. Kids are crazy about Cars. I'll tell you about the, I went to the Ratatouille premiere and got pretty drunk and then in the Disney store on the way home

because it was at that Hollywood and Highland, it was at the El Capitan. I bought a Remy doll. Okay. The talking Remy doll to give to, I don't know, somebody. But I was real drunk. Give to a homeless guy or something.

Here you go, pal. I was like, this is funny because it talks and you can whack it and it says like, Emil. Yeah. And then I forgot. Add some salt. Exactly. Went to bed so drunk. Does it say add some salt?

Pretty much. These little expressions that little chef mouse would say. But it's Patton's voice. So then I went to bed almost like blackout drunk because there's just red wine flowing at the Ratatouille premiere. Of course. Woke up at some point in the middle of the night with Patton's voice going, I've got to teach you about food. Forgetting I had purchased said doll. Right.

And it was just legitimately disconcerting. So you thought you'd hooked up. I basically thought I'd hooked up with my friend Patton Oswalt. Yeah, finally. After Ratatouille Purr, and I'm like, wow, that's more wine than normal. Patton thought it was funny to give his Ratatouille talking doll to his dog. So you get to, if you're over at the house, you get to hear Patton's doll screaming, you know, things like that, while being torn limb from limb. This needs salt.

Yeah, this needs salt. This needs salt. Yeah, for some reason, he's really on a salt thing. Every other thing he says has something to do with salt. This needs salt. Did anybody see salt?

I heard they're not making salt, too. No, they are. They are? But is she going to be in it? She is. Tell me real quick, what's the twist in salt? It's so boring. She forgot she's a be in it? She is. Tell me real quick, what's the twist and call? That movie was so boring.

She forgot she's a super guy. She just was. Spoiler alert. The good agents were bad agents and she was actually a good agent who was a bad agent who's now a good agent

but they're bad agents that used to be good. Like it's so... I'm so mad at you already. It's beyond convoluted. It's convoluted and not in an even remotely interesting way.

Did they highlight the tattoo that's over her vagina during the movie at any point? There is a two and a half minute close-up shot of it where Come Sail Away by Sticks plays. That's the credit sequence? Wow! I feel like that should have been mentioned in some of the reviews of that

film. You know, it was so, it came about so naturally in the film. You don't even notice. It's so organic. The movie's very dogma style or whatever. That one guy invented.

Lars von Trier? Yeah, von Trier. Famous Hitler apologist? Did you... Not apologizing at all. No, just like I could do what he did or something. He was kind of saying

that he's... I believe he said, I admire him. I admire him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has nothing on me. Yeah. Not apologizing.

Yeah, because he... But he was actually... He admires his sway, Hitler's sway over people because he's forced to just do one actress at a time that he black...

But what you didn't know is actually, he was referring to Michael Bay because he's a big Megan Fox fan. Who isn't? That's topical. Who isn't now that we know she got thrown off for calling him a Nazi? Spielberg was like, she's out. Spielberg pulled the springs?

That's a hell of a story. I don't know. Yeah, it's pretty weird. Here's the other thing, that maybe she was just super annoying. Do you think that maybe there's a simpler conclusion? You know how Sherlock Holmes says when you've eliminated all of the impossible, whatever left, however improbable, is the solution? Maybe she was just really...

Did he say that right before or right after he got in the boxing ring? That's right before he kicks that dude in the chest so fucking hard. What is with that Sherlock Holmes movie? What does that have to do with Sherlock Holmes? You're 100% right. B, I really like that movie. I can't explain it. Because you have gay man love for Holmes movie. What does that have to do with Sherlock Holmes? A, you're 100% right. B, I really like that movie.

I can't explain it. Because you have gay man love for that movie. Yes, look how sinewy he is. It's a very sweaty, sinewy movie. He's fighting that big dude and he's all sinewy. And he's boxing. Yeah.

No, I've read every Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. Sherlock Holmes in that movie, he's moved on from solving mysteries about murder. He solves mysteries about what punch he's going to throw next. I love those scenes. Every time he describes everything he's going to do to the guy, and then he just does it.

Solving mysteries with his fists. Yeah. Yeah. And they're making a second one. Yep. Very successful. My friends wrote it. Really?

Yeah. Nice call. Once you get in sort of in the, you stop once you get deeper into the movie business doug you'll stop making fun of as many movies because you you find that you can't because you'll know someone affiliated with you guys do a pretty good job though of being keeping it fresh and not having to you know recuse yourself from a conversation about well we talked about those little einstein dolls in their museum too And how horrifying that is You can say stuff like that

You'd be hard pressed to find people that have a better perspective On their own careers than us Which is a lot of what the book is about May I read a chapter aloud? Please do Why don't you restart with the introduction Rewrites I can't even say the word rewrites

That's a bad chapter They love my script! And I got fired? Rewrites. I can't even say the word rewrites. That's a bad chapter. I feel like this isn't going well already. They love my script! And I got fired? Oh no. Here we go. This book sounds like it has a lot of twists and turns. See how fast I can read a whole chapter. I'm going to take my shirt off while this happens. Okay, I've done one paragraph already.

Oh. I'm just going to watch Doug read their book How much of it is How much is the movie, the book How much of it is comedy And how much is really helpful It's all really helpful It's all real

But told in a humorous way If you want to write big hit movies That make the studio tons of money And you slightly less, but still a bunch of money, this is the only book you ever need. Now, no screenwriting book is written by people who've written any movies. Have you ever noticed that?

I have a very important question. Now, poker players, when they go to write a book, they will often hold back stuff. Sure. Because they don't want to give away all their secrets in the book. We give away almost everything. The reason being to get one movie made as a screenwriter, almost impossible anyway. So we're doubling your chances of that.

Which is from 0 to.5 impossible. It's really hard to get one movie made. That said, I think everything in the book will help you a lot if that's something that you want to do. And again, just so we clarify, this book is not to teach you how to write films that win awards or films that play at the Angelica Film Center or movies that we're not technically saying they're going to be good.

We're saying you can write some big tentpole it's how to write for the studio this is the way studios make put movies together and have them written and this is how to do it and mostly how to survive that process which is slightly crazy yeah well that's certainly

surviving that process that's huge because it's just a you know and i'm sure the book outlines that it's just you know being told no all the time and then the the reasons for being told no for some for things you they don't even make sense it's it's even weirder than you would think like i mean we have a big chapter in the book about we have a big chapter in the book about how you should get excited. People who have written in the studio system for a while, you get excited when you get fired off of your script. Because that's why that seems crazy.

That means it's moving forward. That means they're spending more money and moving forward. It means your movie is way closer to going. Because they put more money and hired a new writer. The next writer might be way more expensive than you. Yeah. So it might be way closer to getting made. Because they've sunk so much money into it, it has to happen. Eventually, yeah. be way more expensive than you yeah so it might be way closer to getting made you know because

they've sunk so much money into it it has to happen do you want eventually yeah do you cover arbitration in there oh yeah it's a very long as a whole because you guys still get credit yeah is there something that you guys wrote a lot on that you ended up getting no credit for sure can you tell us it sure i'll say what it is like starsky we didn't even ask because it would have meant arbitrating against Todd Phillips who's a friend of ours. Yeah. And it's crazy

and it's like, why would you do that? And he called us gentlemen and scholars. But we could have fought for that. We could have and it would have been. But then again,

sometimes you need to weigh the... What's it worth? What is that worth? What's another one like Scooby-Doo 2? We didn't know I kind of felt like you guys might have

something to do with that. I feel like we might have too. I thought their sensibility was in there. Velma's revenge.? I kind of felt like you guys might have something to do with that. I feel like we might have too. I thought their sensibility was in there. Velma's revenge. I'm kind of stunned that we didn't have anything. Didn't we just call it Scooby-Deuce? Scooby-Deuce. Scooby-Dose.

Yeah. We did two weeks on Gulliver's Travels that they didn't use a word. Oh, because you guys were like, just make him normal size. Exactly. That was our pitch. It's like, why, he's just a guy. He'll save so much money if he's just like a guy, size guy. The chapter on arbitration is called Arbitration, or Who Wrote This Crap?

You Did If You Know How to Arbitrate. That's the chapter 30 of the book. I can't wait. And it tells you everything about how to do it. Do you know an example of a great arbitrator, like somebody that got credit for it that maybe they shouldn't have deserved? Well, you know, it's really a war when you go into it. It's amazing.

When you see the title page, when they finish a movie and it's done, they usually send out the script, a copy of the script. To everybody. To all the writers that were involved, with everybody's names on it, and then what the suggested credits that the studio is suggesting are. So the studio is the one that picks whose name they want on the movie. It says, it's putting out a letter, it says, here's who we think the credit should go. Now, keep in mind, the studio is always, always going to recommend

for credit the people that they're in business with the most, who they have the most to lose with, because it's up to the writers and the guild to then fight it out as to who actually gets credit. But most times, the guild will just agree with whatever the studio said. It's a very, very uphill battle to get them to change what the studio said. Exactly. If you are not on that list or you feel like you're included in a weird way that you weren't supposed to,

we have another whole chapter about credits and how to read them because they're ten times more complicated than you know. Like if there's an ampersand between your name or the word and, it means whether you wrote together or not, blah, blah, blah. But arbitration, you will very likely spend as much time or more writing the statement to the guild about why you deserve

credit on a movie than you spend on the screenplay. It'll take way longer. It'll be a much more clever piece of work. Is there a chapter in the book About like let's say if I saw a movie That I thought oh my god that was a piece of shit I could have written that better Asleep tonight

By the way everyone says that about every movie ever So that's kind of a blanket policy That's a very dangerous thing to say There's no chapter in there That is what the internet's called That's what America does Do you want to put in, like, an addendum for the next edition?

Oh, there is a chapter called Naysayers. Which are the guys on the internet who said I could have done a way better job on that. Should I read it? Well, the truth is they could. Let's be honest. Well, then they should come out here and do it if they're such smarty-pants. The premise of our book is if you're so smart... They're pretty talented. It just gets wasted in the basement.

People who write comments on the internet are pretty sharp. It's true. But yeah, that's the premise of the book is if you're so smart, you come out here and you do it. That's what we did. So we're giving you all the tools to help you actually do it. You know how Robert McKee does the big story seminars? Sure. $875 for two days.

Go to the airport and he yells at you. Yep, I slapped down my $650. That was a couple years ago then because it's now $875 for two days. Yep, yep. He goes to the airport and yells at you. Yep, I slapped down my $650. That was a couple years ago then, because it's now $875. That's wildly expensive. No, no, no, Sam Haggled. I did. My last name is Levine, let's be honest. Have you checked out his IMDB credits? I have, I have.

It's quite impressive. Can you recite them to us? No. He's a story consultant on two Barbie films made for television in the 80s. Klaus Barbie? That'ss. Klaus Barbie? That's it. Klaus Barbie. But what I like is at his seminars... That's not a joke, by the way.

That's accurate. That is accurate. The information, the pamphlets, or what have you, if you want to read the website, it'll talk about previous students of the course. Oh, sure. And how they're huge. 200 Oscar nominations or something like that. of course.

Oh, sure. And how they're huge. 200 Oscar nominations or something like that. So, I'm really hoping in the next edition of your book, you can also write a list of...

We can make up fake things to support our case that we don't need. How many Razzies have you guys won? Any? None yet. I don't think we have.

I know, it's weird. Herbie fully loaded? You would think it would, but no, I don't think it did. Because we would have gone, I assure you. You know us. Oh, no, we go. We think it did. Because we would have gone, I assure you. You know us. We're working on a Lifetime Achievement Razzie.

Do they have a screenplay category? I'm sure they do. They probably don't break it up between comedy and drama, so it probably goes to some horrible drama. We haven't quite qualified for that. I think at some point we'll get a Coen Brothers Lifetime Achievement Razzie. To the Razzies, yeah. Our general contribution

to the middle of cinema. You know who swept the the Razzies, yeah. Well, they were certainly our general contribution to the middle of cinema. You know who swept the first Razzies? The Shining. Really? Come on. Worst director, worst actress.

Like, it swept. Really? The Razzies hated the Shining. Wow. They were off base on that one. So, hmm. They missed it. How far they've come

from the Shining to I Know Who Killed Me. Well, Razzies most years are pretty accurate, though. Lately. The Shining. Really? Yeah, the very first. Sw's killed me. Well, Razzies most years are pretty accurate, though. But the shining. Really? Yeah, the very first.

Swept. Swept the first Razzies. Yeah. Look at it. But now, like, it's becoming a thing, like, Sandra Bullock and Halle Berry actually picked up their Razzies. They went there. Yeah, it's a new thing.

Well, didn't Sandra win her Razzies the same year she won the Oscars? Yeah, all about Steve and Blindside so she won two nights back to back she had an amazing year she had an amazing year to have the best and the worst

highest and lowest you guys could only dream of that right when one of us dies you guys have only had the best you guys so far in your career

you've only either had the best movie or the worst one you've never had a year with both no and I don't know about the best one I'm trying to think of both no yeah and i don't know about the best one yeah

i'm trying to think of what year you mean yeah yeah i'm really i don't know if i asked you guys this the last time you're on but do you have a favorite of your movies i think i did ask you and i just forgot what those are my kind of thing oh our movies your movies movies are your kind of thing no our movies oh our movies they're not my cup of tea yeah reno turned out exactly i'm so proud oh yeah of course i love nine of them yeah it's a great movie i like a lot of our movies. Oh, our movies. They're not my cup of tea. Reno turned out exactly like that. I'm so proud of him. Oh, yeah, of course. I love Night at the Museum. Yeah, it's a great movie. I like a lot of our movies.

Here's something I'll say. If you have not seen the scene in our film Taxi, where Gisele Bundchen frisks Jennifer Esposito. It's a good scene. I don't think you've lived a full life yet. Put that on your bucket list. Yeah, it's a good screenwriting. It's good. It is a good screenwriting. It's good. It is good screenwriting.

It actually plays out exactly how we wrote it, which is it was a really erotic first gang, and then a cop leans in and is like, am I next or whatever? Yeah. I don't know if I've ever seen all of it. Like, I certainly have never seen it in one sitting, but boy, when I'm flipping around and it's on TV,

I'll watch it for a stretch. I turned on the radio one day to hear Adam Carolla call it, pound for pound, the worst movie ever made. Yep. I just happened to be listening to Adam Carolla's show one morning. So how do you even weigh up and I was like was he just talking about oh my god I wrote that the movie that Adam Carolla just called pound for pound yeah one of the worst films ever but and I like it but you didn't direct it yeah and how many of your words made it in I mean is it quite a bit it's pretty close. Did you guys see? Doug. Oh, no. Seriously, you guys didn't come up with any of that crap.

It's worth it. It's mostly us. That's very faithful to our script. Did you even have, like, Queen Latifah in parentheses after the character name? Like, was it your idea from the second you started writing it? After Ice Cube passed? Yes, we did. It was written for Ice Cube.

It's based on a French movie. I didn't even know Ice Cube was dead. Yeah, it's... Exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's based on a French movie, and the French movie... Great French movie. Leto Coco.

The guy who plays the lead has done Prison Time. And they were like, how about Queen Latifah for that role? Like, the lead guy's like a thug. Also, are you...

Who's a fan of Marion Cotillard? Oh, I love her. Fully nude in the original French film, Taxi. Fully nude. Get out!

Yes. Wait, your movie's based on a French film? Yes. That movie. By Luc Besson. Oh, of of course they made three of them wait a second okay but they made three taxi movies in france and which one was marion cotillard in she's in at least the first two she's the guy with christopher lambert yeah as i like to call him some say lambert he's a real he's a real scary dude his name oh that was subway i. I'm thinking of Subway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This taxi. They're great.

They're really good. Luke Besson movies, if nothing else, are fucking cool to look at. You see that one that was coming out with the mummy and the naked girl and the time travel? Oh, yeah. The time travel one. Yeah, that looked good. What was that one called? Google that.

He's also got that Zoe Saldana movie coming out in September, I think. He had a movie coming out that looked amazing about a mummy loose on the streets of Paris. Did you ever see Wasabi? The one with Jean Reno and he finds out that he has like a half Asian daughter and he goes to adopt her and like his bodyguard her everybody's trying to kill her and she doesn't even know fucking great movie

Luke Besson movies are in the genre of the professionals yeah yeah but it's like this little tiny like half Japanese girl it's like the reunion movie with everybody in the world is trying to kill this little girl while he's protecting her and she never even knows they're trying to kill her. He makes some great films. We need more of those movies where everyone's just trying to kill one

little girl. The trailer for that one with the mummy running around the streets of Paris and there's a pterodactyl That was like a year ago. Midnight in Paris. No, Woody Allen is in that. Yeah, yeah. Owen Wilson meets all the great pterodactyls from the past.

That's the one. What's it called? Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blancsec. And the heroine, who's this kind of hot French girl, in the trailer. You get to see her boobs. Yeah. That's a red band. That's how they do things in France.

No, it's not a red band. What? It's an all-audiences French trailer where you see boobs. I challenge you, Mr. President. Who are you talking to? Just in general. I challenge us to create a nation like that. France?

Yes. Where you see boobs in trailers and nobody bitches about it. Yeah, they don't... They've got a pretty good system over there, I think. No one gets a second look for having a drink in the afternoon. I did a movie in France. Here's the thing at lunch.

At lunch, because we're filming in Paris, there's no catering. You just go to a different restaurant. They just buy out a restaurant for the whole crew. Everyone, the norm, two glasses of red wine at lunch then you go back in the afternoon and you just like cut a page of dialogue that you'd never get to all right well just look we're just not gonna get we can't movies make no sense we can't turn around on the scene like we just uh guys this is not possible we're gonna do that we're gonna do that and nap no it's not possible is not possible. We're going to do that and nap? No, it's not possible.

Not possible. What was the movie in France? Well, I should learn a Malton game to you. It was a movie called Le Divorce. Kate Hudson and Naomi Watts. I played the annoying American brother.

Oh, man. Watch her. Hey, you were great in Cedar Rapids, by the way. I go by real fast, Doug, but thanks. Yeah, you're just in the beginning. Yeah. Until you're dead. I go by real fast.

Yeah. Spoiler. Are you boycotting Bad Teacher, too, or did you see that? I haven't. You're in it? Yeah. Let me ask you something. Is Justin Timberlake in that movie?

Yeah. Because all the TV ads don't show him. I know. I'm obsessed with it. They just don't show him at all. They don't act like he's in it at all. I just wonder what the marketing decision was. I saw him at the premiere.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's there. He's promoting it. Yeah, he talks about it. He tweets about it. Yeah, yeah. You see his face in print stuff. I was surprised.

Really? Yeah, he's way taller than I thought. Did you have a little dance off with him? So smooth? I got kind of a boner for a second. From Timberland? Yeah, and then I realized this is weird. Yeah?

No. What's weird about that? It might have just been the dick in a box thing or something. I don't know. It's just a perfect storm. Did you guys see Fast Five? I did not. Did not.

Missed that one. It's pretty entertaining. Sam? I didn't. Did not. Missed that one. It's pretty entertaining. I didn't. I've seen all the previous Fasts. Let me tell you, you're going to have a great opportunity to see it on July 25th. I'm going to be showing it at CineFamily in Los Angeles. I'll be there. That's a fun place. Me and a few friends of mine will be sitting in the front couches there in the front of the theater with microphones, and we'll talk everybody through it.

Because Fast Five is very entertaining if you don't mind being bored for stretches of time between the very entertaining parts. But if we're sitting there cracking wise and pointing out how awesome The Rock's performance is yeah helps pass the time it can be a lot of fun I try to get somebody involved with the movie to show up but I don't think I don't think anybody from Fast Five has a sense of humor

when you say to people The Rock's a very funny dude yeah but do you think he would want to sit there and sort of rib that movie or do you think

he's just pretty satisfied with it maybe in a few years yeah maybe but it's July 25th at CineFamily. I'll go so far as to say, I think if The Rock heard that you were getting your little friends together and shitting on a movie that he's in, I would avoid The Rock, in fact. Yeah, maybe.

How does The Rock know? We're not necessarily going to shit on him. Doug's friends are so tiny. The Rock's a big dude. He's a big guy. Everybody's tiny when you're The Rock. The Rock's a really, really big dude. He's a big guy.

I mean, he's really big. Yeah. His arms are like the size of my chest He's huge You were going to say neck first, weren't you? No, chest No, he's big He was going to say chest neck Chest neck

It's the size of my chest neck Oh, we're also doing a movie thing I was about to mention Oh, please, yeah We're showing Barton Fink and Sunset Boulevard Which will be fun Are you going to be riffing through those? We're not going to talk over them.

We're going to watch them in silent respect. Wow. I can do that at home, Matt. We're going to be on a butt-ton of ecstasy. Oh, yeah. So that might be why we won't be able to say that much. What's the theme? Two movies you love?

The most screenwriting. The glamour of screenwriting. Yeah. Yeah. Barton Fink and what else? Sunset Boulevard. Oh, that's a good one. New print.

Barton Fink is the most accurate movie About being a studio screenwriter That there is It's exactly what it's like To be a studio screenwriter You can't write a studio screenplay without fire Raging through the halls Of the hotel

Because that's what you guys do right? You stay in this really sweaty hotel And we staple wallpaper It's nice We live in that men's hotel. And we staple wallpaper. It's nice. We live in that men's hotel. Bathtub down the hall. Nice fellas.

Good people watching. Really hot. Hey, what do you guys think of, could you work with Eli Roth? Could I set something up where he directs and you guys write Hostel for Dogs? Yeah. Hostel for Dogs. You think we could make that happen? Yeah. Because I think he could bring the gory thing

and you guys could bring the lighter touch that you want from a movie with dogs. You don't have to explain this to me. This is a very good idea. We'll get this set up. It's good. Yeah. I was playing poker with Don Cheadle a while ago

and I asked him... Oh my God, fucking brag much? I asked him about Hotel Rwanda for Dogs and I instantly regret it. You said Hotel Rwanda for dogs, and I instantly regret it. You said Hotel Rwanda for dogs to him? Yeah, I did. He doesn't seem to be someone who would find anything funny about Hotel Rwanda. Actually, any play on Hotel Rwanda.

He gave me a very polite chuckle. He did? Yeah. He was very polite. If you are ever in the Los Angeles area, and you want to see the actual Hotel for Dogs, it's on MacArthur Park, and we shot Balls of Fury there, too. It's a real place called the Park Plaza Hotel.

It only is for movie filming, and it's on MacArthur Park. And it is the, you'll see it, and you'll go, oh, my fucking God. That's the Hotel for Dogs. That's the real Hotel for Dogs. But that's also, that's the real hotel for dogs this is real but that's also isn't that the hotel where um uh nicholas cage bashes that guy's head in on the steps in uh yeah i'd be shocked

in wild at heart yeah it is exactly it's also i played a cinematographer at a wedding in a movie called conversations with other women which shot there i've never they love that huge staircase and when you first thing you walk in there's a huge staircase. Perfectly for a ton of dogs to run down. You look at it and you're like if this was filled with a bunch of

scrappy mutts with no place to go slammed on. Did you guys do a couple days on Mr. Proper's Penguins? You'd think we would. Yeah, where were you?

Where were we? I would have thought you came up with have them slide through the Guggenheim. I know. That's so hard. That's right in our wheelhousehouse I almost feel like we should sue whoever came up with that

Because that's so our bit No, I'm stunned and flabbergasted I'm sure that they meant Maybe the call went right to voicemail My cell service is sketchy in my house So they maybe tried to get us We're also going to do Piranha 3D's coming up But it'll be 2D Because I'm against 3D movies Are you really? Yeah,'re also going to do Piranha 3Ds coming up, but it'll be 2D because I'm

against 3D movies. Are you really? Yeah, we're going to show that at CineFamily on July 31st. I'm sprinkling in plugs throughout the whole show. You sure are, buddy. Whenever there's a lull in the conversation, I drop in another plug. I got to put another plug then. Please. Wait, there's a car around. What's the date of your Burton Fink

Sunset Boulevard? That's July 6th. July 6th. And the day before that, no, that same day, BookSoup, the day before that, July 5th, we're going to be signing this beautiful book, which, as you notice, there's a lot of boobs on the cover. I know. Who are those girls? That's Ben's fiance.

My fiance, Kathy. Not a joke. Not a joke. All right. I'll try to look at the other side. That's Irina Voronina, who's both our friend and Playmate of the Year from a couple years ago. She's the topless girl from the Reno movie. Oh, did you ever see the Reno movie?

Yeah, she's topless. The Russian girl is on the beach for a long time and has really beautiful boobs that she's obviously pretty confident about. That's going back in my queue. Oh, throw that back in the queue. Go check that out again. What were we talking about? You're hating 3D movies these days. The 5th, what time?

Are you going to be at Book Soup? Is that where? Yeah, Book Soup will be there on July 5th. That's where all the signings take place. Yeah, yeah. It's tiny. And we'll be there at, it's a tiny little place.

It's going to seem packed. You get 20 people show up here. Oh my God, we're, yeah, that's awesome. So you don't like 3D movies in concept? Do you not like old 3D movies? No, no, no. I don't like that they, you know, especially the ones where it's painted on afterwards.

If it's not intentional from the beginning, that's terrible. But I also just don't want to wear the glasses. I don't want the upcharge. I don't want any of it. I'm against it all. It was a cute idea for a little bit, but now we can move on. I'm fully against retro movies again retroactive 3D right

retroactive 3D I think is stupid what about the Pixar ones the Pixar ones are great yeah they look good they have depth 3D you've seen them

yeah yeah retroactive those are made like Clash of the Titans was a retroactive that's not fair don't do that yeah yeah

and Airbender we spent a lot of time the new Harold and Kumar is 3D and we spent a lot of time making it real 3D I think it'll be worth it well then also

but then you can also there's probably gags making it real 3D. I think it'll be worth it. Well, then also, but then you can also, there's probably gags that involve 3D. Like I thought Jackass 3D was fun. See? You know, so I'm not completely against it. I just don't want to regularly have to go and put on those glasses and pay the extra money. When like Thor, for instance, I saw in 2D

and I really can't be convinced I missed much by seeing it that way. Right? I haven't seen it. Next. I suspect. Well, does the hammer come out? I saw it.

You saw it in 3D? The hammer didn't. Does the hammer ever come out at you? There was nothing really directed towards camera that I saw. Nothing really comes out at you. Yeah, it's all about, oh, look, you can see further back into the screen than you used to be able to. Did you ever see House of Wax? No.

That 3D movie? Where they have literally, a guy has a paddle ball that he does in your face for about two minutes for no reason. How about you, sir? And he does a paddle ball right at the camera. It's fucking great. They did that in Friday the 13th.

Yeah, yeah. The Herald Hitchcock. There's more shit that comes right out of you. There's a name for cinematographers in 3D and they call them cookies. You know why?

That stuff that comes right out of you because once in a while they're good, but too many of them make you sick. Yeah. This seems to be

the motto about cookies. I still just don't think they have it completely down. Like, I don't ever feel like, oh, that really almost just shot into my face. You know, I still always have that distance. You probably think that the Harold and Kumar movie might change that. Also, I have a tendency to look the wrong way when I'm at the 3D movies. Like, I look at the back of the theater, so that also makes them less effective. Yeah, normal movies, that also will take away from it a little bit.

Oh, yeah, but it makes them like a radio play, though. But I would also argue that any 3D movie, aren't we basically just going back to a play? Every play always was in 3D that ever was. Until you turn it into a movie. But did they have Gusset Jr. vs. Jaws? No, that's true. They didn't have that. And when they paddle ball in a play,

I mean, unless you're in the front row. It's really good. Unless you're in a Gallagher section, it doesn't matter. Did you guys see Midnight in Paris?

No. No, I heard it's great. I'm going to see it It's very charming. It is. It's charming. I don't think it's like ha ha ha,

like it didn't make me laugh much, but it's really charming. There is one solid laugh at the very end. Okay. I don't want to give it away.

All right. But that's barely a reason to go to a movie. I had a bloody solid laugh. No, well, there's plenty of little laughs. There's plenty of introspective laughs. Yeah, it's cute. It's cute. It's very Purple Rosa Cairo, but somehow less satisfying than that one, I think.

A little bit. Here's something. Like, right around when the Sun Yi stuff happened, I started getting really busy in my life, and I started missing... I've missed about a decade of Woody Allen movies. Completely. I've just missed...

Well, you haven't missed any. Yeah, you haven't missed any. They're just very repetitive, and the ones that... But there was an era where he made, I consider to be, like, the four or five greatest films in a row. Because Hannah and Her Sisters, Husbands and Wives, Crimes and Misdemeanors.

There was a run that was insane. That was like early 90s. He was on fire. He was really on fire. He had a nice run. And he also managed to... Each one was slightly different, but you were okay with how they had a lot of similarities. But then he kept doing it, and he kept pulling himself out of it.

Like he's in his movies too and frequently. Was the last one I saw Bullets Over Broadway? It might have been. Last one you saw? That's a long time ago. That one was pretty soft.

That's 15 years ago. No, I'm talking about a long time ago. But that Cusack, I'd say Owen Wilson is right up there with Cusack and maybe no one else

in the ability to play the Woody Allen character well and not look like Will Ferrell and that one thing. Melinda and Melinda. Will Ferrell, Melinda and Melinda. Where have I been? I've missed all of you. He played the really neurotic character.

The worst one is in Celebrity with Kenneth Branagh doing it. That one's brutal. I thought there was some funny stuff. It's got some funny stuff. The Caprios part is great in that. It's great and I like that at the end of the Have you seen anything? It's got some funny stuff. Leonardo DiCaprio's part is great in that. It's great. And I like that at the end of the movie, you realize Kenneth Branagh, who's this bitchy film critic writer, whatever he is, he's such a snob.

Oh, he's a teacher or something. And then you realize he's working on a armored car heist screenplay is what he's working on. You're like, oh, perfect. That might have been the last one of his I've seen. I missed the hockey one and I missed the... Was there a hockey one? Curse the James Scorpion.

Did you miss the one about the angels? The angels. Scorpion. Like there was nine with Scarlett Johansson. Anything else? Actually,

Match Point. It's okay. It's more than okay. No, it's a good film. Scarlett Johansson in a tennis outfit. It's engaging and interesting but it's like it's not,

you know, it's not so amazing that Woody Allen should be making that kind of movie I demand an answer to my question please

is Scarlett Johansson in a tennis outfit yes yes that's why it's called Match Point what is the panty flash count

17 17 panty flashes you're never gonna you just have to go lost in translation for yeah you're right for Scar Jo

if you want a whole panty situation. That's also like a time travel thing these days. Yeah. Anyway, that movie's all right. You're right. It's good. Yeah, it's good. I'm just saying.

Not a typical Woody Allen film. This is what I was going to throw out and try to have a conversation about, but we're running out of time. But it's just that I just think that Woody Allen should maybe slow down a bit and make a movie every two years instead of one every one year because they're all so like, you know, they sort of feel like how podcasting feels to me now. You know, like if you listen to somebody's podcast every single week, it's got similarities, but there's differences. But if you, like, had to go out to a theater and pay to see it once a year,

it might just be like, well, this is too much like because it's charming as midnight in paris is it's just like there's echoes of so many other things that he's done that i've already seen and it's not it's so funny how you get stuck as an artist like you want people want you to grow but they also want they want what you do best well i heard him speak once and what he said is he just he learns by doing it. Like that he would rather grow as a director by just doing one every year, and they stay under budget, and they let him do anything he wants, and he just keeps going forward. And he admits himself that he eats hot streaks and cold streaks,

but he doesn't learn by spending two years on it. He's like, well, let's put it up on its feet and see if it works. Yeah, yeah. But it's sort of the same thing as if a novelist came out with a new book every year. I guess, I don't know. I just feel like sometimes a little bit more time can help something. Like Stephen King. It would have hot streaks and then terrible streaks.

And then he comes back with something with Dome. We try to have two and four movies a year come out. Two and four. And every one of them is painstakingly crafted. You guys are like regular Natalie Portman. We're like regular old Natalie Portman. I feel like Natalie Portman one of them was painstakingly crafted. You guys are like regular Natalie Portman. We're like regular old Natalie Portman.

I feel like Natalie Portman is not regular about Natalie Portman, sir. Not like one named Fancy Natalie Portman. It was like she knew she was going to get knocked up or something

and said to her agent, all right, I want to shoot eight movies in a row and have one come out every other month for the next two years. And why did both of the

chicks from Black Swan go out and make the exact same movie with Ashton Kutner and Justin Timberlake? They both made the... That's really amazing. Like, and the benefits and No Strings Attached really seem similar.

Did they not talk about that on set? Because that must have been on the works while they were doing the old Black Swan. It was pretty weird. It's kind of strange. Yeah. Hey, let me know what it's like. You're fucking a friend movie. Let me...

Let's trade notes on who's the better fake friend fuck. Timberlake or Kutcher. Itutcher Super movie where all four of those friends fuck Great sequel Great sequel It's like an origin story We get the Kutch, Timberlake Remake of Bob and Ted and Carol Yeah

I was thinking the same thing Friends who are G That's great And NC-17 Yeah I mean I want this thing to be I want to see how this office is made You want to see some Timberlake

I want to see You want to see some Timberlake. I want to see... You want to see some dick in a box. Dicks in boxes. Out of boxes. That's good. And out... In boxes and then back out again. Repeatedly.

I want it to be as weird as possible. I want to see a dick in and out of a box. Make that more clear, Doug, what you want. Make that a really wet box. And we're calling it No Friends Attached. Pretty good. Or Strings with Benefits. Or Natalie Portman

Not Attached to this feature? Oh, no. I feel like Natalie and they're both going to pass, both the girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. We'll have to recast. Natalie Portman Not Attached. That's why it's going to be a Dumb and Dumberer where we find new guys vaguely remind you

of the star. Great. Oh, maybe Selena Gomez could be one of the girls. And K-Fed. K-Fed. Oh, yeah. You can get K-Fed to show up.

K-Fed will do it. Yeah. Yeah. K-Fed. I just heard that guy's name the other day, and I was just like, wow. Yeah. That used to happen.

When giants walk the earth. Because remember how, you know how when somebody like that is so prevalent, and you almost, you want to hate them into obscurity and then it happens and you don't even notice. Then when you hear him again you go, oh wow I sort of wished that guy away and it worked.

His battle of the world against him we won. Yeah, we totally won. Now you feel kind of bad, don't you? He had to just slink away and learn to be a good dad. Or whatever the show he was on was. I bet he's not a great dad. I can't prove that that I don't know

I can't prove that I don't know full time dad anyway full time bad dad I had an affidavit noterized yeah that's true I'm going to be a guest

on the Taint and Teabag podcast being taped at 6pm on Friday July 15th at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin Texas it's like 10 bucks

to get in so uh get on that, you guys. Austin's a fun town. I love Austin. Austin's a nice... We're going to be at the Alamo Drafthouse

since it's the Plugfest on July 9th. July 9th. What's going to happen there? Like a Q&A? We are showing a secret piece of footage that we can't even announce.

Yeah, I can't even talk about it. It's doing something cool. We're doing stuff related to the book. It's like a scene from... Have we said the name of the book? Writing a movie? Green Lantern. We did. It's a secret screening of Green Lantern. I tried to say it. I'm doing something cool. We're doing stuff related to the book. It's like a scene from... Have we said the name of the book? Writing a movie? Green Lantern. We did.

It's a secret screening of Green Lantern. I tried to say it, but I screwed it up. Which has been out in theaters for a while, but we're going to show Green Lantern. Show some Green Lantern DVD extras. We will be dancing around on the stage in skin-tight Green Lantern outfits during the entire screening.

So it's just... That's the 3D I'm looking for. You don't have to wear the glasses, but there's some depth to it. It's a little bit like a Cirque du Soleil show with just two dudes who's boners. Dancing around. It's our interpretation of Green Lantern.

We may not even show the film. I feel like the film takes away from what we're doing. From what we're doing up in front of the stage. That's going to be really fun. So go to that if you're in Austin. go to that and then come see me like six days later we're gonna miss each other by a few days oh and i'll be at the ucb theater on tuesday july 5th uh with doug that's right he's that's where you can see me in the third round of the tournament of championships uh it's very exciting sam has to go head to head With a very very Strong competitor

Oh Jesus It's going to be a bloodbath You guys know filmmaker Edgar Wright Sure He knows quite a bit about film Sure And he

Sam has to compete against him You're playing the Leonard Maltin game Or which one you're playing Yeah yeah I won that last time by the way Kind of by default You won by making other people guess right I won by causing others to lose

no I did there was one thing that I accidentally did that's how you win usually that's a good way to win

speaking of Leonard Walton just so you guys know I was having a lovely conversation with him about a week ago

and he is a huge fan of Viva Variety oh wow monstrous fan could not rave more about that program

oh that's funny sure any of your recent work oh you guys 97 yeah yeah yeah he did not was not I mean I don't say he didn't say anything he was quite vocal about not long anything recent yeah I'm sure yeah but Viva variety for him is where 90 sorry by the way I got him I By the way, I tend to agree. I tend to agree. Which of your films do you think Leonard Maltin would dislike the most? Like, which one would he give the bomb rating to?

Taxi. Taxi's got to be it. I'm pretty sure just last week he accused me and everyone else in Bad Teacher of mugging. Really? Wow. No, I'm thinking, this is last week. This is not ancient history. Yeah.

He accused you by name? He accused, he said people, it said it reduces people like me and John Michael Higgins to mugging. I'm pretty sure. So he cited two people that he likes. Yeah. Wow. All of these characters are played broadly. Are you looking for people like Lucy Punch?

She's great. John Michael Higgins, Thomas Lennon, and even Justin Timberlake to mug as if this were a bad high school play. That's last week. Only Diaz and Seagal, as a gym teacher, got to be sly. Why did you slip a little sly shit in there, Tom? Why didn't I do any sly shit? Yeah, why would you sly? I did, it's on the clubroom floor.

They used the mugging enough to sly. They used all my mugging and my sly shit. You would mug on your way to any sly shit? Yeah, why would you sly? I did. It's on the clubroom floor. They used the mugging. They used all my mugging and my sly shit. You would mug on your way to something sly. I'd go up to Jake and I'd be like, hey, man, I'm going to give you a sly one. Okay, good. Start with mugging. I need to say great. That's okay.

Okay. And then do the sly afterwards. Yeah. Turns out they're not even rolling when I'm doing some of my sly stuff. Yeah, do a few sly takes after we wrap for the day. Do those at the after party. I'll be honest. I have a feeling like Leonard Moulton hates our work.

Hates most of our work. Yeah, yeah, I would think. Guys, he loves your variety. Except for being a writer. I can't stress this enough. You got that going for you. It's the part that no one can find. Let me look up the Reno movie.

Great. Let's see what Leonard says about it. By the way, probably our finest work. Yeah. Yeah. And hated by the interweb community. If I had to guess, guess i go two and a half stars how do you get to him so fast it's no i just call it an app yeah i just text him go leonard

quick reno 911 miami what do you think he was the film critic in the pilot for the state no sorry i brought it up no what do we got oh no he hates he gave it one and a half stars yeah let's hear it and he said if you've heard of comedy central's inept crew of cops and are curious to see if they might be subject for your coming master's or phd thesis what this off-the-cuff feature without the cable commercials to keep their bits aptly bite-sized, will serve as an intro. So they're saying if you're going to write a thesis or a master's on this, this is the place to go.

Again, I recommend it. The Reno Sheriff's Department in Miami for a convention is called upon to protect the city with regular cops or quarantine. At least he's saying. If he hates it, he sometimes skips over the plot. Slapdash film never saw a fat joke or masturbation joke it didn't like.

Fat joke? Fat joke? What fat joke? Do you think there's any fat jokes in it? Oh, Renisha's booty, but that's not fat. That's not fat? That's just like King Magazine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fat joke. But here he says something nice. And there's tons of masturbation. Yeah, there's the one big masturbation. Yeah, you, yeah. That's a fat, fat joke. Huh. Fat joke. But here he says something nice. And there's tons of masturbation. Yeah, this is the one big masturbation scene. Yeah, you're not going to argue the masturbation point. That's an opera of masturbation. Yeah, it's one.

It's a reason to see the movie. It's a three-minute scene of masturbation, yeah. But he says cameos by Paul Rudd and especially Dwayne the Rock Johnson are funnier than most of the rest. Mm-hmm. Co-produced by Dannyy devito who also appears pretty amazing yeah yeah so if he's given that one and a half stars i don't think he likes much of the rest no no both of you get listed in the cast though the only list eight names you both including we made guys some of the mugging that i do yeah yeah i gotta do some sly shit for when

when is a guy thing gonna open? A guy thing comes out. That's a terrible joke. That's a terrible, mean thing to say. Me, I've been in films no one even knows and I just,

why did I do that? That's okay. When you're at my level, it's fine. You get stuff like this. Yeah, you wrote a book. You're fine.

You can take a couple shots, right? From people like you. Okay, great. When you're at A level, great. People hate the terrible things we do

and people hate the great things that we do. Like, Reno's great. Fuck you. You know, like, I love Reno. And people despise, it's as soon as you raise your head and do anything people on the

internet attack it what do you think of the trailer for reno the reno movie i wish it hadn't killed all the jokes like i wish and we begged to take the alligator out yeah like that and to us the rest of them were fine but the alligator were like oh don't take but it's a hilarious trailer that when you see the movie there's a really good build-up to some of those moments that this is spoiled quite a bit yeah they uh they they showed pretty much everything you don't really have that much of a say when it comes to marketing no and oh i know it's crazy and it tested through the roof and killed it was one of their best testing trailers like yeah because it's a laugh out loud trailer but you know that's how many times in the history of movies has that really worked to show like the absolute funniest moments in the trailer well especially when like reno it's structured like sketches with

the punch line at the end of each sketch yeah yeah you guys had really solid punch lines a clip reel of the punchline yeah it's a clip of the punch pretty much yeah yeah we asked except for some of the masturbation and some and tons of the fat jokes. Fat jokes? Fat jokes. Fat jokes. I think he must mean Renisha's butt. You know, that butt cost $25,000.

Do they show it a lot? No, she watched by one time. Yeah, one shot on the beach. Yeah. We had that made. It was very expensive. Yeah. And a lot of fun.

Oh, and our friend Dave has it in his basement. Which is weird. If you ever want to come over and play with that. Play with Rainey's Williams $25,000 ass. He might have been thinking about one of the Big Mama's House movies or something. In fact, it's got a ton of overlap. Yeah, Big Mama's House. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. Well, you learn from that film every time you watch Big Mama's House. I'm still kind of recovering from that. What do you have against a guy thing? You haven't seen it. You have seen it. I saw it on an airplane from that. What do you have against a guy thing? You haven't seen it. You have seen it. I saw it on an airplane. In the 80s?

When? You were flying? You were old enough to fly when a guy thing came out? I'm 45 years old. Okay, there you go. I look fantastic. I saw most of it on an airplane. Okay.

Wait, that was some sort of burn on him when you said, when's a guy thing coming out? Yeah, because it didn't do very well in the box office. Because it didn't have a theatrical release or a slight one? Here's the problem when you make a joke like that with me. I've been in so many movies and written so many movies that didn't do that well at the box office. You need to clarify jokes like that. You're right. And the point of what you mean

by that. Because I've done a lot of them. I was just bringing it up because it did not perform well at the box office and you've had incredible success since then. And enormous failure. You know, they go hand in hand. Bottom line is you always have

17 again. For every hangover 2, Todd has his school for scoundrels. Let's be honest. This is getting too heavy. No? I did. I think I did. I don't think I saw it. But they go hand in hand. Tell me, Name me a director

Other than Cameron Who every time Out of the box It's A huge Wait wait wait Which Cameron Bro or James

Or Kirk James Is it James Kirk James Cameron You're holding James Cameron up

As the guy that Every time he knocks It out of the park Is that what you're saying In terms of box office success. Oh, okay. Right. Not critical success.

I mean, but even so, you could argue that what was that cave thing he just did that didn't do much business? Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. And was Terminator his first film? But did he direct the cave thing? No. Okay.

Sanctum? Yes. Sanctum? Sanctum. Damn near killed him. Sanctum? I didn't even know him. If you have dodgy credits on your resume, that means you've actually done something.

The people without any dodgy credits on their resume are people who have not done shit except serve lattes. Yeah, yeah. Get those dodgy ones thrown in because it's just collateral damage. You can't win every time. It's part of the process. Absolutely. But what's your worst thing, Sam? Oh, my God. There are so many. damage yeah we never done you're part of the it's part of the process yep absolutely but what's your worst thing sam oh my god there are so many like i would say every virtually every

film i've been with the exception of inglorious bastards has been bad has been well i don't say bad not another teen movie did well at the box office and people seem to like it it launched kyle sees it launched kylease He's the slow clapper But yeah Pulse No one even knows that movie I know it's It's a shame There's another one nobody knows

Yeah Alright I was a voice in Wet Hot American Summer That's really awesome I like to take that With a little bit of pride These guys would have been in that movie If they'd known anybody involved

If we'd known anybody involved Why didn't you know anyone involved? Yeah it's weird. We were on the wrong coast when they were doing that? We were doing something when they were doing that. It was also before the state had kind of like, you know, put... Dissolved, yeah. Yeah, the state, well, the state, it was complicated.

The state's like, you know, we're very dysfunctional. The state never technically broke up. But we've had our ups and downs. And we have, you know, like the way that people describe the police, you know, sometimes the band, they had issues. And the state, when the state broke up,

there was tons of issues. It was not like, I mean, when we had that, you know, the collapse between MTV and CBS, like it was very tense and there was tons of interpersonal stress and drama yeah 11 people right yeah and it was uh it was it was not you know that's like can you imagine any one season of sally and i live sticking together for their whole careers you know that big of a group and uh

we got together in 1988 in fact the first time the group was all together is we put everybody in the reno movie that was the first time the group was all together is we put everybody in the Reno movie. That was the first state reunion. The state was all actually together. Every single person's in it. Yeah. That was the first genuine state reunion since the state breakup. Then everybody from the state was in. Then subsequently, everybody was in the tent.

Yeah. Right. So then we've started now doing more. And then we did some live shows and stuff. That's cool. It's fun, right? Just being in the state? Yeah.

Never. No, it was a nightmare. And it's still a nightmare. And every five years, we're like, you know what? We're all good friends. We get along. Let's do something together. And then after one fucking hour in a room, we're like, oh my God, I'm going to fucking

kill you. Why did we start doing this? What about the Reno cast? Does everybody still get along? Or did everyone always get along? We had a really good reunion show at Sketch Fest. And we brought Carlos back as the ghost of Garcia. And it was funny as shit.

It was great. It was really funny. How was Niecy's wedding? We were there. It was only two hours for you at home. For us there, it was about eight. At about seven and a half, I had to split because we had a babysitter. And we'd been there for a really long time.

And did a guy walk down the aisle with the Steadicam and say, okay, I'm Niecy. I'm Niecy. Wave, applaud, wave, applaud. They did a practice run so they could get coverage of people looking at them. I shot that on my camera phone, on my iPhone. So I have the entire. Oh, you've got to put that out somewhere. I know.

I'm thinking about it. Although I signed some kind of release. We sign a six-page release to go to a wedding. Oh yeah, as soon as you pull up to the wedding, they take a Polaroid picture of you and staple it to the six-page contract that you sign. It says, I'm not going to tweet pictures of whatever. Very surreal. Well, it also just gives them the rights to your image in perpetuity throughout the universe.

How was the wedding? Did you see it? No. It was lovely there. Yeah, it was a nice time. I don't even know what happened because you tweeted a picture on the way to the wedding. I did.

And then I tweeted a picture of us with Niecy at the wedding. She looked pretty good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the actual wedding was really funny. It was beautiful. That it was filmed by helicopter was a little surreal. Yeah. And there was a techno crane

and cameras pretty much everywhere. I'm glad I opened up this can of worms. Yeah, good time. Thanks, Sam. And while I'm thanking Sam, I have to thank him for what he does when he comes on the show in the studio version is we play the Leonard Maltin game, but I get to play the game and Sam runs it.

Very exciting. Like a taskmaster. Are we doing one? That's what we'd like to do now. I know you guys said we have plenty of time, but I'm trying to keep it at a reasonable length. So what we'll do is Sam will give you who you want to start with. Well, have you guys both played the game before? They have, but we'll have to kind of walk them through it a little bit.

Yeah, refresh it. And you say I can name it in two actions. Yeah, we made a round and a circle. Do we know the category? I'm going to give you the category. One person goes first and gets to pick between three categories. Doug, I'm going to start with you. Just so we can help get things rolling. And we're trying a new thing where we used to have

I want to try a new thing where people have to pick which year it is but I want to eliminate that step for a second and see how that plays. All right. You think it's a mistake, Sam? I do. I think it gives...

The year helps a lot. The year helps tremendously, and I know you are admittedly bad with years. I'm bad with years. And I know you're just trying to eat your running field, but it's too wide. But also, I'm thinking of getting rid of it because we play it out on the road

where we get people from the audience and they play against one of my comedian friends And that extra stage of having to go through And saying what year do you want It slows it down And gives more time for people to yell out random stuff Because everybody's got an opinion What year you should pick

Stuff like that 69! So I want to try it 69! I'll tell you what One of my categories is movies from 1984. All right, but here's another wrinkle. I love it.

Yeah, yeah. That's a good category name, I think. There you go. But here's another wrinkle that people have been throwing around, and I think we should try it, is that each round we turn around the order it goes in. So you don't get the same two people having the same situation happen back to back. To add more wrinkles, should we all play with our balls out? Yeah.

That might add too many wrinkles. In my case, I just got collagen in my balls this morning. Not a wrinkle there. But yeah, you know what I'm saying? I know exactly what you're saying. So we'll talk it through. So you can choose from movies from 1984.

I know you like movies with a state in the name, so I'm going to give you movies with a country in the name. Oh, wow. You mean like Denver? Like Denver, that famous country, or state Denver. And as it is his birthday today, Vincent D'Onofrio movies. Oh. Okay.

I know I've never seen one of those. So there you go. Fact. There you go, Doug. Movies from 1984, movies with a country in the title or vincent d'onofrio i'm gonna go with uh movies with countries movies of the country okay now do you want years or no no that's what i'm saying let's skip the year skip the year all right. Then I'm just arbitrarily picking a movie. Alright, here we go. Leonard called it, he gave it four stars. Leonard really likes this movie. He called it heart-pounding.

It says it scores a bullseye. And there's no music score as the story tension propels the film by itself along with solid performances. And there are eight names. What's the category again? Country in the title. Solid, propelling.

Four stars. Four stars. Wow. There's eight names, so Doug's got to make a bid. All right, yeah, so I'll start the bidding with eight names. Eight names, all right. Tom, do you want to bid seven? Yeah, I'll go seven, sure.

Okay. Country. Country. Do you want to go six? No music. Back to you, Doug. Five. It's going to five.

I'll go to four. Four names. Now we're at half the field. I like my position now. No, you're in a good spot. All right, so you can either say three or fewer or tell Tom to name the movie. Three is going to get tough. Three, I'll say it.

Wow. Yeah. Let's go over three. Doug, what do you say? Country. Four stars. I have to say name that movie. All right.

All right. No score. It's all right. Robert, here we go. You're going to get three names. You're going to get three names. Four stars. I have to say name that movie. Alright. No score. Alright. Robert, here we go. You're going to get three names. You're going to get three names. No score. Your three names are James Caron, Wilford Brimley, and Peter

Donat. Heart pounding. Score is a bullseye. No music score as the story tension propels the film by itself along with solid performances. Four stars. James Caron, Wilford Brimley, Peter Donat. No score.

None. That's a mother of a clue. I will say this. If I gave you the year, I feel like you'd know it. Really? Yeah. Really? Interesting. We'll have to play that out then

when it comes down to that okay I always wondered if it was Donat or yeah I don't know I've never heard it pronounced Peter Donat yeah

D-O-N-A-T Donat I think it's Donat Donat okay Donat whatever it is good actor in a movie

in a movie with no score you have any idea no score I have no idea yeah alright so give us the year. I'm going to say the year. The year is 1979.

We should all know this. We should all know this. No score. Country in the title. Country in the title. No score. Heart pounding. All right, I'll give you another name.

James Hampton. Scott Brady. Michael Douglas oh China said that is correct China syndrome doesn't score score there's no music in that movie that's impossible okay I guess there isn't this I guess there's no score I'm curious to see that watch that now yeah but I think I think all that-watch the movie. I'm just telling you what I got from the review. The China Syndrome has no score? I'm curious to watch that now.

Yeah, but I think all that stuff when Jack Lemmon's flipping out in the control room, I think that there's no dramatic music. It just happens in real time. But the movie's got to have some score at some point. It may. I'm just telling you what's in the review. Yeah, yeah. How does he phrase it?

He says there is no music score as the story tension propels the film by itself that made me think it wasn't like a studio movie yeah I know me too

yeah just something really weird what movie doesn't have a score sorry Epsi Syndrome oh it was so funny Jimmy Carter

oh it was so funny Jimmy that was a great Dan Aykroyd kisses kiss him on the lips yeah cause they got turned

giant him and Garrett Morris and do you remember Davis Franken and Davis as the mimes that are miming to the press? What happened? A nuclear metal.

And the press is like, excuse me, our mime's not supposed to talk. Great sketch. Reads on podcast. Pepsi syndrome. Yeah. Pepsi syndrome. Yeah, that was really funny. Well, you get the point, Doug.

I got a point. It was great for me. Just by making him name it, because I had that no-score thing. That's confusing as hell. I like it. Okay, so now here's the twisty-turny thing. Tom wasn't involved, so he gets to pick for sure this time, and we go around this way.

And just add a couple wrinkles. Here's these guys. There's those balls. A couple wrinkles for you. One is so much larger than the other I call him Henry Wrinkler Wow Wow

Wow And he calls the other one Kelly Pickler Nice Alright so I'll give you Three different categories You can choose from movies my dad likes. Sam's got a weird dad. Your father.

My father. Let's move past that. Movies he likes. You can choose from a title I'm calling Me and You, which is the name of the film is Two Names. Two Names. And possibly other words. Of course.

But at the very least. We're probably going with that. Okay. And then there's movies with a single letter in the title. It's not, it won't be. Like M. Like M, sure. M works or iRobot or Easy A.

I didn't go to because those are, those A or I could be. So it's not one of those letters. V is for Vendetta. Could be one of them. Could be one of them. I feel like we're missing lots of them right now. Could be. Keep going. Could be.

Okay, so those are your choices. Me and you, movies with a single letter in the title, or movies my dad likes. Let's go with the ampersand category. So it's two names in the title. It's at least two names. It could be Bob and Ted and Carol and Alice. Could be. You already mentioned. So we're not doing years, Carol and Alice. It could be. You already mentioned.

So we're not doing years, right? Because I guess we didn't do one before. All right. Just pick one. Okay. Let's play it. What are we doing?

Friends on Strings is the category. But Tom gets to bid first. Picture a bunch of dicks tied to strings and everybody's kind of leading each other around the room.

Yeah. Like an eyes wide shut thing. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Friends on Strings. Yeah. Okay. Here we go.

Dicks on Strings would be a better title. String Buddies. Yeah. We're into yarn and fucking. Leonard liked this one as well. He gave it four stars. Wow.

Four stars. Four stars from Len. He called it delightful. And he says the film has many memorable vignettes. And it won a bunch of Oscars. I can name it in zero. You were going to get 11 names. 11 names. But he's saying

zero with no year. If it won a bunch of Oscars? It won a bunch. And it has an and in the title? Yeah. Can I try it? No, no, no. Hang on. You can make your bid zero and then it goes over to me. Now I can either go negative names or I can say zero names or I can say I mean I can win a bunch of Oscars I can either go negative names or I can go zero names or I can say... I mean, I can go negative names. I won a bunch of

Oscars. I gotta go negative names or... I'm paraphrased. He listed all the Oscars at one. I'm not gonna list them all. I'm just telling you it won a bunch. I feel like I have doubt in two movies. You called it delightful? Mm-hmm. Well, you don't want to talk this through. You'll give it away. So right now it's... He says zero

names. So now it comes to me, and I have to say name it. Okay. Because I can't go negative names, because I'm not even sure what it is. I have an idea. I feel like... Do I guess now? Yeah. I feel like it's Harold and Maud.

I'm sorry, no. That's earlier. Right? It wasn't Harold and Maud. I didn't give any years. We don't know the year. There's no year. Wow, so you really took a stab at it.

I thought with lots of funny vignettes, and it stood out. Yeah, that makes sense. Won a lot of Oscars. I'll be honest, I've won and lost the Leonard Maltin game, and I've never received any real prizes, so it doesn't really matter to me. Oh, yeah, there's nothing really on the line. Yeah, I know. So I just thought, fuck it, I'm going to take a stab.

Well, now you guys get to still play, right? Actually, Doug just won the game. It's been called incredibly low stakes. I'm running almost perfect on this. It only takes two titles for someone to win or lose this game every time I host it. Yeah. Which I always enjoy. You run a strict game.

I do, I guess. So what else can we do to play with this? I'll tell you the year. I'll tell you the year. 1969. 69. 11 names. Delightful.

Here we go. Won a lot of Oscars. Here we go. Christopher Lloyd. Ooh. Kenneth Mars. Wait a second. Ted Cassidy. Hang on lot of Oscars. Here we go. Christopher Lloyd. Ooh. Kenneth Mars. Wait a second. Ted Cassidy.

Hang on a second. Stop, stop, stop. Stop saying names. It's Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. That is correct. Ah, there's a good and. Yeah. Nice.

But that also threw me off a little bit. I know. Because I was thinking of two first names. Stanley and Iris. Not full names. I know. I was thinking like Thelma and Louise. I know.

Because that was delightful. That was delightful. It was delightful. I know. I was thinking like Thelma and Louise. I know. Because that was delightful. That was delightful. It was delightful. I was also thinking Melvin and Howard was a possibility, but I don't think that one. I don't think that one. No, I did not want any Oscars. But that was smart play. So you picked a category and you started coming up with ones that it could be and then the

clues didn't help. Let's play more for fun, though. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to try movies with... Let's play for a couple more minutes. Here, let's try movies from 1984, because there, the year's done.

There, we got the year out of the way. Can I guess right now before you give any clues? Yes. Oh, that'd be fun. If you just got it, then you'd super win the whole game. Brazil.

No, that was in movies with a country in the title. Yeah, of course it was. I believe it also came out in 1984. It has to be. No, it was 85. Oh, okay. Really?

Yeah. I stand corrected. Was Cuba in that category? It was 85. Oh, okay. Really? I stand corrected. Was Cuba in that category? It was not. And the only reason I know Brazil was 85 is because I prepped it yesterday. Oh, nice. I would not have known that offhand.

So I take myself out of this rock. It was out of Africa in there? I was already wrong. Okay, so... Africa is not a country just like Denver is not a state. Jesus. It's hard. It's hard.

Geography is hard. Countries are hard. Countries are hard. Countries are hard. Movies from 1984. He gave it three stars. We're starting with Ben. Yeah, we're starting with Ben. Started with three stars.

He called it engagingly offbeat, even subdued at times. Great fun all the way, followed by a sequel and an animated TV series. You get nine names. Sequel and an animated TV series. That's 84?

84, three stars. An animated TV series. An animated TV series. I get to go next this time. It goes this way again. Sure, buddy. How many do I start with? Nine is the total.

I'll start with nine. I would like to go negative one names, please. Okay, name it. Hang on, hang on. It's up to Tom. You have to say name it. I'm probably wrong.

I think I'm right, though. Is it The Mask? No! The Mask! When was that? When did that come out? I told you I'm right though What is it? Is it The Mask? No The Mask When was that? 1984 When did that come out? I told you I'm terrible How many times do I have to tell you I'm terrible at years?

That's a whole decade But didn't that describe the movie pretty well? It was also a sequel and a cartoon I think it did have a cartoon, yeah Alright, alright, let them play Let them try and guess what it is And it had a cartoon Yeah

Mask didn't deserve three stars? No And great fun all the way? Come on I'm trying to guess what it is. And it had a cartoon. Yeah. Mass didn't deserve three stars? No. Great fun all the way? Come on. Oh, let's look up what he said. Hey, yeah. Engagingly off beats. I don't think it was subdued.

Even subdued at times? Yeah. Yeah, I don't think subdued at times. Yeah. I got fixated on that. All right. Here, I'll give you guys nine names. You get nine names.

I'll start. What do we got? Seven? How many sequels? One sequel? It says followed by a sequel. A sequel. I'll do seven because you had eight, right? Yeah.

You want to go? Sequel and animated. Six, I'll do. You want to go five? No. All right, here you go. Six names. There's almost no way you can't get this with six names.

All right, yeah. Reginaldville Johnson. William Atherton. Oh, I know it already. Yeah. Oh. This next one is such a good one. I'll give you the initials.

Ernie Hudson. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Ghostbusters. That is correct. It's 84. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

I have a memory of Ghostbusters coming out way before that, but I guess that's not true. I thought it was like 82. I would have thought it was more like way closer to like 82. I felt like a little kidbusters coming out way before that, but I guess that's not true. I thought it was like 82. I would have thought it was way closer to 82. I felt like a little kid when that came out. You're right about the 10 years on the mask. I have no idea when that movie came out. Way off on the mask. But two and a half stars from Len, half a star shy of three, and the last review of

the movie followed by Son of the Mask and an animated TV series. By the way, we were offered to... How often does that happen? We were offered to write either one that we wanted to, Son of the Mask or Dumber and Dumberer. Dumb and Dumber. Dumber and Dumber. They offered us both of those.

They offered us either one. They're like, which one do you guys want to do? To which we said, neither. And we told them not to do it. We're like, this is crazy. We said these are bad ideas. So we're doing a mask movie. We're like, great.

And then what time is Jim Carrey coming Oh he's never coming We don't need him He has nothing to do with this We don't need him You can give the mask To somebody else Yeah

That was the appeal of that movie Same premise Same premise Joe found a mask Yeah Like origin story Didn't they Wasn't Michael Ian Black

Was in the process Of being the Jim Carrey They wanted him And he said No no no no no It'll never work again Like he To be the Jim Carrey. They wanted him, and he said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no oh look there's jeff dang i bet in foreign markets people thought it was really jim carrey and jeff dang those guys were pretty committed to those parts like you know the trailer and stuff made me go at least they're trying but just the idea of like why why would anyone care where do these two characters come from why are they so dumb where the people aren't even trying there should be you see a lot of movie trailers like oh these fuckers aren't even trying

i mean it'd be easy to just cast a guy just have them have wigs you know what i mean a lot of movie trailers are like, oh, these fuckers aren't even trying. They're not even trying. What are you doing? What are you doing? They're not even trying. I mean, it'd be easy to just cast a guy, just have him have wigs, you know what I mean? Right, right, right. Especially the Jim Carrey ones seem to be doing

a good impression. That was Eric Christian Olsen. Yeah, and he's been in other stuff, and he's good. He was in not another team movie. He's all right.

Here, write down for me who you want me to call the shithead, because you guys lost the game, so you get to pick shitheads for the very end of the show. Just write anywhere on here, just somebody for me to call a shithead, because you guys lost the game, so you get to pick shitheads for the very end of the show.

Just write anywhere on here, just somebody for me to call a shithead. I don't want to let her know. Could be a real person. Don't say it out loud. I'm going to say it again. I just want to come back to, Doug, regular listeners of our in-studio eps. For the last time I was here. Our in-studio eps.

Eps is just episodes, right? No, it's Omar Eps. You were being cool. Omar Eps is just episodes, right? No, it's Omar Eps. You're being cool. Omar Epsisodes. When I used Everything Must Go as an In Theaters Now, and I told people to take to Twitter, let me know if they think that was a fair clue or an unfair clue. And with the last vote that I counted,

they came to you or me on Twitter and searched all of our at replies. And with the last vote coming in one hour before this podcast. I know. Some people are just now telling me. Like, they just listened to that one just in the last couple days. But what's the grand total? The grand total of people who believed that it was an unfair clue because it wasn't in enough theaters. It was too little of film.

The grand total of people who said it wasn't fair. Oh, my God. Could you stretch this out any further? He's so belaboring all the work he did on it to prove that I was wrong, that that movie was in theaters when it wasn't. 39 people said unfair, should never have used it, never heard of that movie. 39, that's all? 39 people.

I got more than that. The number of people who said totally legitimate, whether they knew it or not. 17,000. 385. Right, but those are people writing knew it or not. 17,000. 385. Right, but those are people writing to you. No, no, no. It wasn't split that way. That was both of us.

No way. No way. Why would I sit there and think that I got more than 30 of them if there was that big of a difference? Go ahead and recount. Ugh, like I'm going to bother because it's such a waste of time.

I'm even cutting all this out of the show. You're not even going to get your say anymore about it except for amongst your Twitter followers. You will not. How many followers do you have now? 17,000 something. Yeah, yeah. You're killing it. Yeah.

Fucking asshole. Wow. There's 200 extra thousand people that wrote to me and said Sam Levine's a shithead without putting the ad symbol before your name so you had no way of counting it. I saw those. ad symbol before your name so you had no way of counting it. I saw those. But that was a fun little exercise in how

the public is always right when in fact they're wrong. I see. By the way, I just have three things to say to you. Cyrus, Rabbit Hole, and Who Slew Auntie Rue. Right, well Who Slew Auntie Rue was a ridiculous one because I was just being silly with that one. And Cyrus and Rabbit Hole. Rabbit Hole, I learned my lesson

and never did it again. And Cyrus. That's sort of how it works. There's a learning curve. Do you guys remember the poster for the movie Rabbit Hole, which where he was like right up behind Nicole Kidman, and it said, sometimes the only way out is through. Yeah. And you pointed this out to me, which is-

It really looks like he's- It looked like he was butt fucking. Yeah. The only way out is through. Rabbit Hole. Turn him a poster. Really? He's digging his lines right up with her butt cheeks.

If something that bad happens to you, ass fucking is the only way. Was it like the only way out of the poster? The only way out of the poster is through. The only way out is through. That's exactly what it's through. Rabbit hole. Put it in that rabbit hole. Do yourself a favor right now.

Google the poster. Yeah. And then remember the tagline, the only way out is through. And then go ahead and look at Yogi Bear again. Yogi Bear. Yeah, Yogi Bear Yogi Bear. Good things come in bears. And there's one where it's Yogi Bear laying back on the grass

with his arms behind his head. It is true. I think Yogi's behind him. Boo Boo's behind him and Yogi's got a look on his face like, no. So funny. I mean, Yogi, Boo Boo's behind him and Yogi's got a look on his face. Yeah. No.

So funny. Wow. I need to look at that. That's been T.J. Miller's cross to bear because he was in that. Tim Heidecker had a scorched earth policy with that movie when it came out. Wow. And I know for a fact, like Donald Delight, one of the producers of that movie was like, asked Andy Daly, because Andy's in it.

Yeah. You know, a dear friend of ours and a great comedian. And asked Andy, like, why is Tim from Tim and Eric? Literally, Tim put out a thousand tweets against that movie. And the producers called Andy like, what the fuck's going on? Why is this guy so angry?

Why is this kid so angry? Sometimes you just gotta take a stand on things. We were just offering the sequel. Like Pirate 4 and Yogi Bear sequel. We were just offering the sequel. Like Pirates 4 and... Yogi Bear sequel? We were just offered it.

What do you think? Like, he's still having some trouble getting a hold of those picnic baskets? Will it do better or worse than the Garfield sequel? I think that they probably have the math figured out.

We did a punch-up on the first one. I was offered a role on the first Garfield. And you said, I didn't do it because we were doing something. I was offered a role that Stephen Tobolowsky played.

Oh, I thought you might have gotten the Breckenmire role. I did not see the movie. Yogi Bear 2 is in the works. Well, then, you should still know about it. If you haven't seen a movie, it doesn't mean you can't know all about it. Really? Yeah, yeah. Like everything must go.

All right. Well, this was a fantastic Gathering Here at the Never Not Funny Studios What I'm going to do is I'm going to read it Maybe I'll read a chapter a week Oh god that's slow

It's really only 285 pages long I'll review a chapter each week on the show Like this week's chapter Was good That sort of thing. Like, really in-depth. It's very studious. This one, I lost interest,

but you guys give it a try. As chapters go, it's not the worst. It also contains the entire script for the Reno 911 sequel that we never made. For reals? In the back, there's a little appendix. Where do they go in the next one? You'll see.

It's called Reno 911 SOS. We also talked about doing a movie called uh reno 911 miami new york new york las vegas which was a sequel to reno 911 miami csi at the new york new york wow casino in las vegas which is only 60 miles from reno yeah yeah so it's reno 911 miami new york new york las vegas Miami New York, New York, Las Vegas Full working title of the film So when your publisher said Guys, it's got to be 260 pages And you were like, what are we going to It's quite a bit longer than that actually

Is it 300 pages? It's uh I'm not really sure Because this is what I would do if I had to write a book I would write like 50 pages and then go I'm exhausted Can I just include something I wrote elsewhere I had to write a book. Yeah. I would write like 50 pages and then go, I'm exhausted. Right. Can I just include something I wrote elsewhere?

We have a section of samples in the back of a couple different kinds of outlines. I'm very excited to read your book. And I don't read. It's a pretty quick read.

It's a pretty quick read. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I don't know how to read. We'll joke about the book. We'll tape it for you. It's the only thing we've ever done

that is getting unanimously glowing reviews. First time. First time. I'm totally serious. First time we've ever put anything out there that hasn't been universally hated by everybody. You just have to dive into a dying medium and you'll be fine. Yep. Right.

Yeah. I love it. Can I get it on, say, my Kindle? Of course. On the old Amazon. Okay. Now. Or your iPad.

I don't know if I'll ever adopt that way of looking at a book as long as actual books still exist. You've got about 10 years then. I thank both of you for giving me something that I can roll joints on this thing. It's a real thing. I can roll the shit out of some joints on that.

Glossy cover. You can store coke off of it. There's already some boobs on there so if you're alone you can still have a little bit of a party so you gotta be careful up there feel it the back's flat okay

roll on the back Doug the back is flat enough so let me thank once again Sam the man Levine aka Lil Wolverine thank you for coming down that's a really

dreadful nickname they're both you should have seen him though when he had the mutton chops I know I get it it was a whole beard oh I get it you don't have to describe it to me at all it sums terrible. You should have seen him, though, when he had the mutton chops. I know, I get it. You don't have to describe it to me at all. It sums up everything.

You should have seen when the adamantium claws came out. He totally deserved the nickname when he started slicing up the place. Tom Lennon and Robert Ben-Gurant, the authors of writing movies for fun and profit, but you could cross

out the fun end and just go straight to the profit. That's what we did. That's what you guys did on every copy. They went through painstakingly with a sharpie. With a red sharpie. And did it themselves. They put an X on both times it's mentioned on here. So that's fantastic. And as always,

Leonard Maltin's Mama is a shithead. And Leonard Maltin's Wrinkled's mama Is a shithead And Leonard Maltin's wrinkled balls Is a shithead How dare you In fairness those balls are probably pretty wrinkly You've seen that beard right I mean

Just think about that for a second Let's all take a long moment here to think about Leonard Maltin's balls You better hope he doesn't listen to this episode Plus he spent the better part of 40, 50 years sitting in a warm movie theater seat. Yeah. Greasy popcorn pressed up against there. Is he going to the bathroom?

A pad resting on top of it. Those balls have seen some stuff, man. If those balls could talk. Oh, let's do a podcast It's called Malt Balls Malt Balls Ladies and gentlemen

Hey Malt Balls I'm the one on the right I'm the one on the left I'm the wrinkly one And we're Leonard's Malt Balls I can't believe you're still listening Turn it off

And go feel shame Anyone who's still listening Malt Balls Malt Balls are still listening, turn it off and go feel shame. Anyone who's still listening. I'm the one on the left. I'm the one on the right. And we don't agree on everything, but we love movies. Now it's time for Doug

to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies