Doug Loves Movies - Vanessa Gonzalez, Doug Mellard and Chris Tellez guest

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

Doug welcomes Vanessa Gonzalez, Doug Mellard and Chris Tellez to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Shopify.com slash dLM. Go to Shopify.com slash dLM. That's Shopify.com. That's Shopify. dot com slash d lm back to the show Doug baby sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth they're still not one Hey hey hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies

This is Doug loves movies recording on Wednesday afternoon February 4th 20206 This is a special Austin Texas episode because that's where I first met all three of my guys today. They are

Vanessa Gonzalez, Doug Mallard, and Chris Tellas, hello. Hey. Are you all in Austin right now? I am, yes. I'm actually in Bernie, Texas.

Where? Bernie, Texas, outside of San Antonio. Oh, okay. Vanessa, can you give us your location? I understand if you don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. close. Okay, that's cool.

But the stars at night are big and bright here. Okay, that's a really good clue. That knows it down to two or three places. I'm excited to be going to the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in April, and I assume that I will run into one or all of these comedians. In alphabetical order, by first name, like I did. We have Chris Tellez, Doug Beller and Vanessa Gonzalez, starting with you, Chris. Hello.

You are going to be with me at the punchline in Houston, Texas, March 6th, and 7th. That's right. Super excited about that. I'm looking forward to playing that place. It's my first time at the Houston punchline. I've played the California punchlines, but I've never been to the Houston one. But it also brings me to this question, Chris.

If there's clubs called a punchline, why aren't there any clubs called the setup? I wish it was because that's all I got. I would flourish. Perfect answer, perfect answer. he is the co-host of the wildly popular wide world of Doug's it's Doug Mellner did you know we were wildly popular

yeah I figured I mean just just the sort of thing you could say based on zero evidence yeah you know we make a podcast and you know wildly does what does that even mean like people are too enthusiastic did I tell you who our guest this month is going to be? Because we're doing Wide World of Doug's once a month now.

And sometimes Doug doesn't know the guest until the last minute. Did I tell you already? I heard someone's being welcomed back. That's right. It's part two with the great Eddie Pepitone. Woo-hoo. Yeah. And we're going to record that tomorrow and we'll be out the next day.

So when you're listening to this, the next day. And she is Vanessa. with a B on social media size, which would have made her first today, alphabetically, if that were true. But her name is actually Vanessa Gonzalez. Hey, Vanessa. Hello. Thanks so much for having me. You're doing good in whatever part of Texas you happen to be in right now.

Yeah, you know, don't have any rights, but, you know, chin up. Yeah, the lack of right thing is it can be fun. But, you know, the thing is, I guess the safest places in the country right now, like, you know, if you're not in like a place that feels safe, you know, like the Democratic strongholds seem to be the place is getting hit the hardest with this nonsense. Yeah, you've got to blend in with the conservatives. Just be in Texas or Florida, I think, is a good start. Ironically.

Yeah. No, it's a real strange twist of fate that that's that's that's the, those are the sanctuary states now. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, uh, I hope to see you when I'm the next time I'm in Texas, Vanessa. And I hope you're ready for this next portion of the show, which I call Recommendation Nation.

That's where I get each of my guests to recommend one film. It can be old or new, but I prefer, I know you might not have done deep research on a movie you're going to recommend today. You might even be trying to think of one right now. But you don't, you know, it would be nice if people could watch it on streaming or go out to a theater to see it. You know, if we recommend something that's unavailable, you know, then, you know, then, you know, you know, just wetting somebody's appetite for something they cannot have. Right, right. You're right.

But also, I don't care. The bottom line is just recommend a movie or enthusiastic about. We'll start with you, Chris. Okay, yeah. So, pretty popular one, but during the snow wind, it just happened like last week in Austin. We were snowed in for like three, three, four days. I said, screw it. And I watched all of the Twilight series for the first time.

in my life. Nice. And I gotta say that Breaking Dawn, too, it's worth going through all the other stuff. When it was out, I was like, this is such a pansy movie.

It's so dumb. And I'm glad, you know, the smoke is cleared and I'm now able to watch it. And I got feelings about it. I didn't think that was going to happen. So, Sparkly vampires are back in.

Yeah. Well, I, you know, I appreciate your commitment because, there's a good, you know, four movies there that are pretty hard to get through before getting to that one that works more eventful. And then even the one that's more eventful has its, you know, downsides, including, I assume you didn't stick around for the end credits of the last Twilight movie are 15 minutes long.

Oh, I did not stick around for the end credits. Yeah, is that crazy? Just to pat it out to like a, I think it's like a 90 minute or an hour, 40 minute movie. But I completely hear what you're saying, Chris, because over the course of the releases of all the Twilight movies, I was doing the Benson movie an eruption where we would pick a movie in advance and try to get people whipped up about coming to see me talk during it. And so the Twilight movies were very popular in that format, both like I did at like Sketch Fest a couple of them. and I did it in Los Angeles. And so, you know, there were fun movies to sit and interrupt. But then by the time we got to that last movie, you know,

people can't come to every single thing I do or every single Twilight movie interruption that I did. So people were missing chunks when they came to see that last one, including the comedians on the panel with me. So it just became people just like, this is what the Twilight, like, it really is very entertaining in its own right, but also just

you know, cause mass confusion because people had missed that four movies of setup. Yeah, there's a lot of changes. But yeah, that fifth one is, is pretty damn satisfying in terms of like shit finally going down

and it's very, it's very the action and it is very well staged and but then there's a another twist that we still probably should be into, even though the movies have been out for fucking ever. I'll just say the last one, what they did

was something some other movies have not done to me, like made me feel a certain way, that right at when I was done, I immediately went on YouTube and looked up other people's real-time reactions. And I was like, they're just like me. I was like, Team Edward, team Jacob. No, Team Edward. No, I'm Team Jacob.

That's fantastic. All right. I'm a decade late to the party, but I'm going to write down the Twilight saga. Yeah. And that'll cover the whole business. And people hopefully will come right to you with their rageful response. Because, you know, everybody would come out to those interruptions. They were definitely coming to hate watch it and it delivers.

That's how it started. That's how it started. I love watched it. It's so great that it turned you. It turned me. I never thought it would happen. You should talk to a psychologist or something because it feels kind of Stockholm syndrome that you're like stuck at home in the snow watching these movies

and just grow to actually care about what happened. Yeah. That's how people get addicted to soap operas on daytime TV. Nobody thinks, oh, this is an amazing show the first time they watch. always just get caught up in, you know, whatever, like just having it on every day, turns them into complete zombies who actually care about what happens to the characters. Yeah, I was in the pocket, man. My girlfriend paused it at one moment, and she was like, you are not tearing up over Twilight right now.

You know the house that all the vampires like share that's really fancy and nice in that nice wooded area? did you notice that one of the walls is like it's like almost like a piece of art on the wall is all graduation caps yeah yeah for the hundreds of years and they've graduated high school a zillion times her forever young I thought it has such a like it has touches like that that make you go well I guess more thought went into is this movie than I know when Bella's dad Charlie came and visited and he saw it and he was like what one time we watched the what's the name of the Nick Cage movie where it's something about hell, gone to hell, going to hell, hell,

hell, palmed. Yes, Mandy. Oh. There's one about a ride to hell? Oh, a ghost fighter. No, but there's one about Drive angry. Is that it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, drive angry. Drive angry. I kept saying road. Drive to hell. Drive angry. One time we did a movie interruption with the guy that plays the dad in Twilight, he came, and he's in Drive Angry, and he came and sat there and, you know, listen to us, make jokes about it the whole time.

And he was super cool about it. Burke is his last name. I think maybe Chris. Chris Burke? But anyway, he was super nice about it. And I was like, hey, you should do a Twilight movie with us sometime. He's like, no thanks. Okay, so I might have made that.

But he was definitely, he was cool watching. His character is like the most disrespected in the Twilight. I was like, man, she is so mean to her dad. I just sympathize with him the whole time. It's one of the funniest scenes when What's His Nuts wants to come out as a wolf. Oh, yeah, Jacob. Yeah, and instead of saying any words, he just starts stripping down to his underwear in front of that guy.

It's the funniest scene, because he's like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, usually he doesn't turn into wolves when they're fully clothed and it's not usually a problem. No one's seen in those movies, so somebody have to just robe first. Yeah, he was like, whoa, these are my only bugle boys. I don't want to rep these.

I don't think they rip, I think they just vanish because then when they turn back into people. people, they're back in the clothes again immediately. That's right. That's right. All right. We've wasted too much time now. We can't find out what Doug and Vanessa. That's what Twilight does to you. Doug, what would you like to recommend? Well, we might have read it. So sorry if it's not streaming because it's pretty new, but

I had not heard anything about it, but I really like Dust Bunny that I also watch. Yes. Really fun. It felt like a dark Wes Anderson film. Like, it's so visually, I don't know, cool. And it's got Mads, Milkelson, Mads McEltson, Sigourney Weaver, David Dasmaltian. I mean, like, it's really fucking weird and cool. Well, the little girl that's like pretty much in every shot of the movie is great. Yeah.

Oh, my God. She's awesome. Yeah. She can hold her own. And some really dark, funny stuff in there. And I don't know. what to say about it because it's hard to you don't want to give anything away it's a very yeah that's true i mean people should want to go just based on what you've said so far and the two

words dust bunny because it is the darkest and scariest of all dust bunnies and it's you know and the movie is shot it looks very much like a fairy tale and a sweet movie and there is some sweetness to it but it's also when the when the violence goes down it doesn't hold back and it's really an interesting mix of of vibes if you will did you Doug Reeve a fan of the TV series Hannibal I've not seen the series I know of it

obviously but oh it's done by the guy that is behind that is who wrote it right that's what I'm driving at it is that is created by the same guy who created this movie Brian Fuller who is going to be a guest on this show I think maybe next week.

Whoa. Nice. I was such a Dust Bunny fan when I met him. I mean, I'm also a fan of, you know, he's the creator and writer of pushing daisies. Oh, yeah. Wow. Another great TV series that's kind of underappreciated. But Dust Bunny has a very similar tone where everything's very pretty to look at and colorful, but dark things are happening.

Right. Now I've got to win because I want to talk to the guy. Well, I feel like the rest of that one might be booked up already. But you still want to win. Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean? We're to not have that mindset. I came to lose. Yeah.

Vanessa, what would you like to recommend? Oh, and Dust Bunny, by the way, was just sort of finished in theaters just recently And it's probably just VOD at this point, but probably also worth it, especially if you have a large number of people in your home. Okay, Vanessa. Okay, so during the freeze week, we did a Leonardo DiCaprio athon. And we watched all the Leo movies. And on the coldest night, like where it froze, we watched The Revenant. and that movie is so fucking good.

So I recommend. I've watched that in, you know, in cinemas and at home in sunny Southern California and but you still just absolutely feel how miserable it was to be not only making that movie, but the characters that they're portraying

who are allegedly real like this, the guy that Leo plays is supposedly a real guy these things really happen to. Yeah, it's so good. I hadn't seen it in so long. And I was like, oh, my God, this movie fucking rips. It's so good. Yeah, it's just the widescreen cinematography.

And, you know, everything looks beautiful, but you can tell it's just cold as hell. And his performance is insane. A bunch of great actors, all like, you know, a lot of us. stabbing the back of people on the front and it's really uh yeah it's really it's quite a ride and it was basically how the three of us felt during the ice storm in austin yeah exactly we all went through that exactly yeah i felt like leo for sure yeah these now that i see all of your recommendations it's really uh this is like uh people that are forced to stay in their homes for one reason.

More specifically, winter. Like, I don't even think these would be, this necessarily be good, like, COVID movies. I think these are really good trapped in winter movies because they really, they really have a lot of imagination and cold weather. The vibes. Vampires don't care about cold. They love it. I don't know if they, you know, I don't know.

I don't think it's been really established. Like, you know, if you're undead, like, I know you're fairly at that point impervious to pain and you can't, you know, you can't die again. But, like, I wonder, I wonder how they, nobody's ever brought up the weather other than, I guess, in Tripite, they live in the Pacific Northwest, not only live out the middle of nowhere, but also because those vampires probably like the cold. But in interview with a vampire, a lot of that takes place in the South, like in New Orleans and stuff. So like it's really hot there and the vampires seem to be cool with it. Real sweaty. So maybe they just don't care either, which way. But they save so much money on mirrors, those vampires.

Okay, great recommendations, everybody. We're going to take a break. And when we come back, we're going to play a couple of games. Today's episode is brought to you in part by Shopify. Picture this. It's late at night and you're scrolling through your feeds when all of a sudden you see it, that one product you've been looking for. You click on the link, add to cart, maybe even shop around a little more before finally hitting checkout. As you're filling in your address, you realize you don't have your card anywhere near you. That's when you see it, that purple pay button that has all of your information saved, making checking out as simple as a simple tap of your screen. Get started with your own design. studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Get the word out like you of the marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling.

Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. And what if I get stuck. Well, Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24-7 customer support. See less carts go abandoned and more sales go with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month. That's $1 trial today at Shopify.com slash dLM. Go to Shopify.com slash dLM. That's Shopify.com slash dLM. Back to the show. We are back.

And the first game we're going to play today is something that's a bit of a crowd favorite. Again, I'm just saying words. I don't have any validation of that. But I ever want to ask somebody. And it's something that I call ABCD's nuts. Yay. It's a spelling game with a silly name. Today, we're going to be.

going to need to know how to spell the words Super Bowl. Do you know how to spell Super Bowl? I believe so. I think you probably do. Do any of you care about the Super Bowl? I'm into it. Yeah, you're going to watch it on Sunday?

Yeah, yeah. I just want to see Bad Bunny. Right? That's it. That's it. What's your interest level, Chris? I mean, I only like one team, but I always watch it every year. So I just look at the owners of both teams and where they lean politically.

And I guess I'm going for the Seahawks. Nice. That's a terrific way to choose, I think. But, you know, no matter which side we pick, we don't control what's going to happen. That's all controlled by the government. And God. I am My interest in the Super Bowl

Is that I'm playing in Tacoma this weekend On Friday and Saturday And on Sunday Instead of getting up early to fly home To catch the Super Bowl I will be landing The plane will be landing And approximately the same time as kickoff

So my goal is to get home in time For bad bunny and the thing about every Super Bowl I've ever watched is that people score more points or don't score more points in the third and fourth quarter. So what happened in those first two? I can find out. You know, like it's sort of like previously on.

You find out right away what happened in the first two quarters. Then you see how it plays out. Yeah. I don't need to see the whole goddamn game. I like that. But yeah, I will miss Green Day is going to play a little, mini concert before the kickoff, so I'm going to miss that.

Oh, what if I'm going to do, American Idiot? Well, that's the thing is everybody that got so mad about Bad Bunny and saying that the Super Bowl shouldn't be political of completely missing the fact that Green Day, you know, in their own way, is very political. Especially American Idiot, but that was, of course, George Bush is what that was about.

Yeah. And then there's that other halftime show that they're doing. The Brown Day. Yeah. Good Rock and three country singers named Gabby, Bambi, and Flambi.

Right. I've never been heard of the other people. And jelly roll. And I've heard of him. No, he's not going to be there, right? I don't know. I don't think he is. I think he really tried to throw down

a both sides gauntlet when he won the Emmy, I mean, the Grammy the other night. Because he was just sort of like, Jesus is for everybody. And it's like, I bet you Jesus picks, Picks and cheeses.

Not the jelly roll I know. I was like, oh, jelly. Can you imagine how sad jelly roll and Doug Mellard would be if Jesus hated tattoos. Like he's like really mad. Like I got stakes in my hands. I don't know why you're intentionally

piercing your own skin for fun. I just got a jelly roll and Jesus tattoo. It's jelly roll carrying Jesus in the sand. I was hoping it was a jelly donut with a Jesus head popping out of it. Okay, so I'm trying to explain in this stupid game.

So we're going to spell Super Bowl. So the first letter in Super Bowl is S. So Chris will make the first move, and he'll have to name any movie that begins with the letter S. If he matches the movie that I wrote down in advance, then he just wins the whole game. But what would the odds that be of that on the very first guess? But then as we move along through the alphabet,

you would go to Doug and then P to Vanessa. Once we go through the word, maybe you'll start to figure out some sort of pattern that's emerging, and you can be more accurate in your guesses, but this game often is very hard. So the bottom line is to just have fun with it, and it doesn't even really matter who wins this game. You just are forced to go first in the next game if you win.

All right, so we're spelling Super Bowl. S is the first letter, Chris, name any movie. In the history of cinema that begins with the letter S. All right. I'm going to go with Sipberbad. Wow. I did a double take. I just won the game. I said that because the movie that I wrote down also begins with the letter S. Oh, no, and they didn't win the game.

All right. I just had a bit of a sneezing thing. Isn't it weird how you rarely sneeze while doing stand-up? you know because I guess because of the you know adrenaline or something but podcasting is too casual like even though I'm performing right now my nose is like go ahead sneeze just aren't you just having a phone conversation would you just chatting with somebody that's what my nose said to me okay so Chris the answer is I wrote down serendipity That was not even in the round.

It's such a fun word. All right. So then the next letter, all you have to go on is the first movie, Serendipity. But if you could think of a movie that begins with the letter you, Doug, that might somehow be

thematically connected to serendipity. Oh, definitely. Under Siege, starring Steven Seagall. Oh, that's a good one. You know what? I decided to implement a new rule in this game because it is so hard to match and there usually isn't a match, not always,

but a lot of times there isn't a match by the end. So I implemented a new rule today and I was only going to bring up if it happened. And it's already happened. If somebody says part of a correct answer, then that might qualify them to be the outright winner if no one else gets an actual full correct. correct answer. And what I had written down for the letter U is underworld

colon blood wars. Yeah, so since you said, would you say, do you say under siege one or two? One. Because you could have gone under siege two dark territory. Oh. You know, I don't want to confuse anybody. The actual

answer is Underworld Blood Wars 2016 and the next letter to Vanessa is P.E. Peewee's Big Adventure. Oh, love that answer. Very much. Love that movie very much. Have you seen the

Peewee as himself documentary? Yes, I loved it. I haven't seen it because I have that thing where I know I'm going to love it, so I'm excited about it, but I also feel like it's going to make me sad. Oh, it will. I'm kind of the same way, weirdly. He's still alive, but I feel the same way about the Mel Brooks documentary,

is that, you know, he's a hundred. So, like, you might die while I'm watching it. Yeah. You're the most devastating turn of events. But Peewee is not on my paper. I wrote down Pearl Harbor. Berber. Yeah.

Back to you, Chris, with whether E. I'm going to go with Evan Almighty. I love that answer. Who? I guess any words other than that's correct, or you not are going to make you think that that was actually a good answer, but it's not. It's not an easy game, and it's only going to get tougher, because I think that we've already gotten past some of the more memorable titles.

This was a movie called Everybody's Fine. I've heard of that one. Yeah, that's a little more obscure. Speaking of obscure, R for Doug. Or, I've picked up on the theme, but I don't, I can't, I think. But I can't think of, I'll just say Rocky. You know, also. Rocky Under Siege.

Hang on a second. I got to do a sidebar because I just remember something. Last week and this week, it's now been two weeks in a row where I just, on a whim, just wrote down a movie that I would recommend right now. And last week, I wrote down Train Dreams. And Monica Nevy is going to be with me at this. Tacoma Comedy Club this Friday Saturday.

She said train dreams. And then today I wrote down Dust Bunny. Oh, whoa. And then Doug said Dust Bunny. So I'm going to keep doing it. See if like every week.

It's going to be a two times three and it's going to be over. All right. So you said Rocky four or five, Belboa? Just the first Rocky. Just regular Rocky. Yeah.

Regular Rocky. The movies that have many sequels, it always drives me crazy what they decide, the choices they make. The scream movies right now, that they just at one point decided to just call them the sixth one or the fifth one, oh, let's just call it scream.

And then start building from that number again. Or no, then they went back to the next one was Scream. I don't get any of that behavior and I've never heard of this movie until doing some research today. Royal deceit which yeah must be what you're feeling right now trying to play this game. Some case of royal deceit is going on.

Vanessa, do you think you know what the theme is? I don't. Okay, just take a wild swing and movie it begins with B. With B? Yeah, the letter B. Okay. I'm going to go with bridesmaids. Great movie.

Always worth bringing up in any setting. I wrote down a movie that also features women, but they're imprisoned, unfortunately. That's called Broke Down Palace. Oh, I love that movie. movie. Really? Yeah.

It's good. Vince Vaughn is in it, right? Yeah. Claire Danes. Yeah, Claire Danes. And then Vince Vaughn is like, she's in prison somewhere in Malaysia or something. And Vince Vaughn's like trying to get her out.

Yeah. He's like her white night. It made me stop traveling with cocaine. I mean, that movie did so much. many good things for people. All right. Back to you, Chris, the letter O,

and there's no way in hell you're going to get this. So just say anything. Oh, man. Oh, man. That'd be great if there was a movie called, Oh, man, ooh, man. Yeah. Oh, man, oh, man.

Oh. Oh. Oh, I could get one. There's a lot of movies out. there. Let's see. Oh, I thought I had one, but I don't. You keep saying a word that begins with the letter O.

How about Oppenheimer? Wasn't that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, Oppenheimer begins with an O. So does one battle after another, 1001 Dalmatians. Oh, yeah. You kept saying, I don't have one.

I was thinking of the word one. Yeah. And the one that I wrote down from 1993, one against the world. Which sounds like a cool action movie, but I do not think it is. W. W for Gug.

Wicked. Nice. That'd be fun if I wrote down Wicked part two. I didn't do that to you. Because actually it's Wicked part one and then Wicked, Cullin, 4 Good. so I'm glad that those movies are done because they're already being dumb. They're already naming them wrong.

But the W I wrote down was Wildcat. And then the letter L goes back to Vanessa. Vanessa, if you don't match me, then Doug is the winner of this game. Logan. I love, I feel like you as a group, tended to bring up movies that you really like and that are really good because

Logan is... Yeah, Under Siege? Yeah. Well, okay. I haven't even seen Oppenheimer. Under Siege is pretty good, especially considering when you compare it to, you know, it was the first like real diehard imitator. And then they kept getting worse and worse and worse.

You know, so I... You know, obviously Stephen Seagall was no Bruce Willis, but the rest of the actors, they got good villains, you know, the girl was cute. You know, I look back on Understaged Fondly. Probably fast forward through some of it if I watched it today. And I watched some of the sequel recently because it's really interesting because, you know, Catherine, what's her name from Knocked Up, Hegel, she plays Stephen Seagal's daughter, her niece.

I want to say daughter. Oh, that's her. You know, so she's always running around the train being weird. And the bad guy is Tom Begozian. He's always fun, especially in a villain role. But I did not write down Logan. I wrote down some bullshit called Love and Friendship.

And the reason that I put pen to paper to write that, actually I used an auto pen to write it. Because I wasn't really feeling it. All of the movies in this game today, star the great Kate Beckinsale. Who I thought of when I was trying to think, what's the opposite of the Super Bowl? So for that under siege guest, Doug,

you are a living of that game. Congratulations. You'll go first in our next game that we will play after these words. Hey, we're back. How'd you like them? So many of them. I hope you didn't miss some of them.

I guess you could go back. You can go back and listen to the commercials later. The wildly popular commercials. Doug, you get to go first in the game that's going to determine it all today. And then you might be able to come back and be on with Brian Fuller if somebody else cancels. All right. Which happens all the time. time.

I, you know, I reached out to the three of you within the last like 24 to 48 hours. Because I had two open slots and a fallout. I canceled other stuff to do this. That's what I, you know, that's why I call you, Chris. I'm always, you got the red phone. People don't know this, but your middle name is drop everything. Yes. Just important stuff.

It's the weird last name, but they repaired something new. You're supposed to meet his parole officer right now. Hope I get to meet this other guy. I think Doug doesn't get to. I did Benson movie interruption last night, as I do in the first Tuesday of every month at Dynasty typewriter in Los Angeles. And last night, I was, you know, I always lolly gag about booking guests because you just never know when you can snag somebody

that would be a real big surprise treat for the audience. And I know I know plenty of people who will get the job done. It will be great and show up and everybody I'll be happy with it. But so yesterday I needed somebody. And so I reached out to a comedian in L.A. named Elery Smith. And she said a very quick yes. And I was like, all right, good to go. I did more promo, including her and stuff.

and then pops up on her Instagram story. I've got two tickets to this thing tonight that I have to sell because I'm doing Doug Benson's movie and arrest it. And I'm like, you don't cancel, you don't get those tickets you paid for to come do my, you know, I mean, I appreciate that you think it's fun, but you can do it next. You can do it on March 3rd. No, that's how we're trained, comics. We got to drop everything. I mean, it might have been ultimately worth a term because it was really fun because we watched people in the audience, you know, bring movies and then we pick one and watch it like the master pancake when they do choose your own. And mine is called Your Choice Edition, you know, Democratic comedy.

And so people bring their movies and like, you know, I can't help it. If I promote somebody's going to be there, sometimes somebody's. get cheeky and bring in a movie that they're in or it works, a really bad movie they're in. And so Drew Carey was on the show last night, and somebody brought in the Disney TV musical for ABC that he made back in the year 2000. You know, oh, God.

He was pre-9-11. He, uh, where, where they flipped the script on Pinocchio and the point, the whole story is told from the point of view of Japan. Jepetto. So, Drew, Jerry's a singing Jepetto

about how much you're also a real boy and how it's important to him to have a real boy. That's so funny. It's not a terrible movie, but it was still,

for canceling her other plans, Elri got to sit next to Drew Carey and trash him. Oh, absolutely attack him. So she either made it a new best friend or, or an enemy

that's awesome who'd go either way but yeah so you can't stop something like that from happening and then the funny part is once it was brought up oh I brought Jepetto

the audience laughed and everything and we could have moved on but Drew was like I wouldn't mind if you wanted to watch it are you sure because it's you know people we make mean jokes about whatever we're watching he goes no it'll be fun and so then when it came to vote between four movies,

the audience went crazy for that one, because he had given his tacit approval. Oh, yeah. I think if he had said, I'd rather not do that, then we could have walked away from it. And I think he has mixed feelings about the experience,

because I think the part of it really enjoyed it, but also he was like, yeah, I remember this being better than it is. That price is right money, probably shield you from some feelings sometimes. Oh, yeah. everything he's done. And even the fact that everybody was like,

let's let this guy be the lead in a musical when he's not known for singing or dancing. But America loves him so much that it could be a big hit on TV, you know. That's so funny. And Scott, the other people, like Julia Louis Dreyfuss is the Blue Fairy. Oh, what?

That's awesome. Data from, you know, Star Trek. He's stromboli. Usher Raymond is in it. What? He's like in charge at pleasure island. And that's where the kids all go and they turn them in the donkeys. Oh, God.

In some reason, Usher sings and dances beautifully, but also is basically trying to get these children and take cages and turn them in the donkeys. Jesus. Yeah, it's really, it's way more fun to. talk about then to watch. Our next game, which Doug gets to know first, is called direct this.

Which, you know, whenever you put this after something, it basically, you know, means you're pointing to your own genitalian. You know, like that De Niro, Billy Crystal movie, analyze this. The full title

written out, it would be analyzed my dick and balls. It's one of those sneakily dirty titles. As is the title of this game, direct this. I recently saw a published, from a believable source list of the top money-making movie directors of all time. Yeah. These are people who have earned their movies. have earned the number 10 on the list. Their movies

have earned $4.6 billion at the box office and then there's nine people on top of them and the number one earner is $10.7 billion. So here's how this works. The three of you are starting with Doug, they're going to Chris

and then Vanessa are going to name guess a director's name you think might be on the list. If it's number one on the list, you get in points, the number of points that they have in billions. So like the top one is 10.7 billion, so you get 10.7 points. And if you get the 10th one, that's worth 4.6 points. And then there's all the points in between. You'll each get three guesses total. And then at the end of three rounds, we will add it all up. And I'll tell

you who the winner is. Not the easiest game I've ever come up with, but I think everybody has a chance to get some correct answers here. I think this one is right up my alley.

Who directed under siege? That was directed by me. I wish I knew. I wish I did. I should know. The person went on to direct, you know, a few other movies off of the success of that.

Let's go with the James Cameron. Now that is, yeah, that's a serious, ugh. Because he clearly, just the top 10 movies, movie, box office movies of all time. I think he's got three or four of them in there. at least at least two with the Titanic and Avatar but even the

sequels have made quite a bit of money and so he has earned and Doug has earned 10.1 for 10.1 billion dollars and he is number two

number two on the list. What? Oh I thought I had number one. I know I felt that I felt that you were quite confident that it was the top person, but Chase, Chase, Chris is up next. Chase. They should go by Chase from now.

Picket sales going up a little. I'm going to go with Stephen Spielberg of the Spielbergs. It's funny I said, Chase, because my handwriting, it looks like Chaz. Ooh, even better. There is a E on there, but I really, I really, Yes, Taylor. The R and the eye, they come together. And, A, and Chase, you did it.

That's the number one person on the list of Steven Spielberg. Oh, I mean, I obviously was thinking of them. I just thought Cameron with the avatar movies, had him. You forgot all about ET, bud? Yeah. Cameron, I bet you that at the time it's taken James Cameron to make three avatars, I bet you, Steve's Milberg has made like six or seven movies. movies.

He's really, he's out there, turning him out. And he's, you know, he just became an Egot because he won a Grammy the other night for being a producer of the album version of the documentary about John Williams. John Williams, I can't get over the fact that, you know, Jaws, Star Wars, and, you know, name a few more close encounters. Just that one guy, those things came out of his head.

Jurassic Park. Oh, yeah. Insane. I know they were hit movies we saw over and over again, but they're still just insanely humble, memorable pieces of music. And he just churned him out over the years. And now he's another one.

He's like a million years old, so I want to watch this movie about him, but I also will feel the sound. madness. All right, Vanessa, you're not out of this. It sounds like I am. All you got to use name of, you know, in the next couple of rounds, if you name a couple people that manage to land on the list,

you know, you could surpass these other scores. Okay, so I still have a chance. I think so, yeah. Okay, I'm going to go with George Lucas. Ooh, that was a big. one. That is unfortunate that that's

happening because he didn't make the list because he dipped as a director. Oh and he's a producer. He's a producer. And just everything was produced or written or jerked off during by.

Jerked off during Yeah. Yeah. He really he really loves his world that he created. Damn. I was like he's got to be number three. No. Well, you know,

if you just, if the answer was just Star Wars and it's directors, then yes, I would think it would be way, way up there. But unfortunately, you're still not out of this, though. These, you know, who knows what Doug and Chase are going to do next. And the only names

I remember is my own. So I got Doug, right? What's your second guest, Doug? Who directed Mac and me? Let's go with Christopher Nolan. Christopher Nolan is a super decent guest, and definitely hit machines, massive hits in there.

I mean, just the Batman trilogy alone is pretty good and so the answer is number seven on the list. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's top five.

But he's made $66.1 billion dollars. Wait, is that right? 66. No, no, no. 6.1 billion dollars. 6.1.

Yeah. He's in the 6.1 club. So you get 6.5. points for that one. Doug. You're still not out of this, Vanessa. I'll let you know when you are. Chris.

I feel like Quentin Tarantino. Nice. He's made nine movies. They've all done decent at the box office, but I don't think you know, they're like you know, some of these

other, like, like, for instance, Twilight movies, like, you know, I don't, you know, like I think only a couple of his movies

would be genuinely called blockbusters. Mm-hmm. And so, unfortunately, Chris, he did not make the list. Oh, I'd like to redact that and give it a lot.

He's not in the top 10. He might be in the top 20 or 30, but, you know, his movies, like, they do decent at the box office, and that's why he gets to keep making them,

but they're not like. It sounds like an indie. film guy for a long time. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, I think Pulp Fiction really got pushed over the hub because of the Oscar notice and also being

so wildly original. But, you know, he's made a lot of Jackie Brown. Yeah, Reservoir Dogs. The Glorious Best. Well, the Reservoir Dogs didn't make shit. Yeah.

Reservoir Dog's shit. calling card I mean, people made money off the movie. I mean, it wasn't a big, big, big food shit at the time.

Yeah. Someone got a check. There weren't a lot of people. When I saw it at the Gene Siskel Theater in Chicago, there weren't a lot of other people in the theater. Oh. Okay, Vanessa.

This is, this is, this is do or die time. Because if you get, if you get number three or four, even number five, with another good guess on the third round, you could surpass Doug's score, especially if Doug whiffs it on this next one.

So what's your second guess? Scorsese. See, that is exactly the kind of swing that I was hoping for. Yes. And appreciate. But. Oh. The roller coaster ride.

Sorsese didn't make the list. Wow. He's had some blops. He's had some movies that did make any money at all. Naming losers. So critically acclaimed all the time. Because of that, I think, his last few have done, you know, pretty well, like Killers of the Flower Moon,

probably made like a hundred million but it didn't you know didn't get him anywhere near the the billionaire's club he'll have to go over and touch Steven Spielberg's trophy I don't think there's a trophy

okay but stick around Vanessa because it's great to have you here and you could maybe you know be a spoiler in the third round if you name somebody that they could awake from Doug or Chris.

Okay. Hey, Doug, what's your third and final guess? Just, I'll say Peter Jackson. Oh. Just because the Lord of the Rings. Oh, Lord of the Rings this. That's a new energy to bring to a game show. He's just absolute admiration for somebody else's guest.

Oh, well. Just watching a bunch of YouTube clips the other night. Peter Jackson, yes, of course. You know, that's what I was alluding to earlier when I was saying, you know, that Scorsese and Tarantino haven't been part of something as big as like Lord of the Rings. And then, of course, he also did The Hobbit and several other movies that were very well received. So Peter Jackson is number four on this with six points. $1.5 billion.

So I don't even have to, you know, I thought I'd have a lot of math to do here at the end of this thing. But it turns out that Doug is absolutely for sure our winner. But Chris, give me another one just for fun. What I was going to use was Todd Phillips because of how big the Joker movie was. But now I know it's not it. No, that's the thing. The brain does funny things to you in this sort of situation because You're going to know all of these directors, but, you know, it's just, it's like name all 50 states in a minute.

There's going to be a few that you're like, oh, shit. Can I throw one more out there just out of curiosity if he's on there? Well, you can in a minute. Let's let these other two. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's let your victims have a chance to breathe. Well, is it my turn? No, it's Chris, Chris.

Oh, he's Todd Phillips? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No Todd Phillips. Vanessa. Well, since I'm out and I want to support the Latinas, I'm going to say Eva Longoria. That is a really, really nice guess. He's got a movie that's just about to come out.

Yeah. Was it Sundance. That was not even out yet, but I don't know. I hear it's really good though, like Seth Rogen and. a couple other actors I like a lot are in it. And Olivia Wilde, I think. No, maybe that's the new Olivia Wilde movie.

Anyway, even like Goria is out there doing stuff. And she did that flaming hot was her first movie, I think. Yeah. I don't know how much money that made, but I don't think it cracked the billions. I think me and my family were the only ones to watch. So, Doug, you are officially our winner today. And before I tell you the rest of the results of this game, you can go ahead and do your plugs.

What would you like to promote? Oh, next month I'll be recording an album at the Velvita Room in Austin, Texas. March 28th at 8 and 10. Come on out. Excellent. That's very cool. And watch Undersea. It's really good.

And you get to decide, because I don't have an audience. member to ask because you know you're not playing on behalf of an audience member because it's just us today who should I call a shithead at the end of the show

like in general? Yeah, just anybody you feel like deserves to be called a shithead? I mean Trump? Just Trump? Talking about Barron? You're talking about Donald?

All of them. Yeah. You have to correct yourself on Jeopardy. Full name, please. All right, but just Trump. Oh, that's a good way to put it. Just Trump. Like, he's the only shit end.

All right. Here's the rest of the results. Then we'll do it everybody's plugs. And I'll repeat the shithead that Doug just said. Number 10, because of his involvement in Star Trek and other things, J.J. Abrams. Oh. Yeah.

He's got $4.6 billion. Because of just everything he's done has been pretty, you know, pretty big hits, some bigger than others.

But two of them being Batman films, the great Tim Burton. Yeah. Number nine. Number eight, you know, pretty much

there towards the beginning of the concept of the blockbuster with his first film being huge and then his second film being a disappointment at the time and now a classic Ridley Scott Bailey and Blade Runner

and then number six the deadly Harry Potter franchise rears its ugly head because one guy directed like four of them I think and his name is David Yates and so 6.1 billion for David

and then number five because of his involvement in the Transformers and other action blockbusters, Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Yeah, 6.4 billion for Michael Bay. We had Nolan was earlier at 7. Peter Jackson was 4, and Spielberg and Cameron wanted to. The only other one we were missing is number 3.

And that's where you have to be a big Marvel head and know about grosses of Avengers Infinity War and Avengers Endgame and every other Avengers movie directed by the Russo Brothers. Ah. Yes, that was a tough one. They were $6.7 billion

in box office. Thanks for playing direct this. What would you like to promote Chris Tell us? Yeah, I'll be at Fallout Theater at the end of the month on the 27th. Come check me out and come check me out with Doug next month in Houston.

You could just go to my Instagram. I usually link all my shows there. All right, cool. Vanessa Gonzalez. What would you like to plug? Yeah, follow me everywhere at Vanessa G. Comedy. I have a special and an album with a special thing records coming out in the springish. So keep an eye out.

And yeah. That's awesome. I'll be around. I don't think records didn't go like, hey, book, Vanessa, you know, so she could plug the album. I just chose to do it on my own. It worked out great. But anytime any of you have something coming out specifically that you need to plug, you're always welcome. And, Doug, I'm sorry to say we are currently completely booked up next Wednesday.

But I'm serious about if there's a follow-out, you'll jump in there. But otherwise, we'll get you in the earliest date we can. I'm going to be at the Tacoma Comedy Club at Sixth and Proctor in Tacoma, not the other one on Market or Maine. It's not just Sixth and Proctor. Don't go to the other one this Friday and Saturday 9. And then I'll be in Houston in March, Austin and April, and all of my dates coming up can be found at Doug Lovesmovies.com. Thanks again to my guest, Vanessa Gonzalez, Chris Tell us, and Doug Millard, as always. Just Trump is a shithead.

Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of Gold is viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you because Doug.