Doug Loves Movies - Werner Herzog, "Mark Wahlberg," and 6 Other Crazy Guests

Episode Date: December 9, 2014

It's the First Annual 8 Crazy Guests of Hanukkah, with "Werner Herzog," "Mark Wahlberg," "Jesse Ventura," and more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming kitties, 50 seats, 50 Adam Rohn, Arnold Finn, his teeth, there's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey, everybody! My name is Doug, and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies! That was, I dare say, one of the more musical ones we've had in a while.

You guys are talented. You must be all performers that are off-duty. Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, December 9. And this is the first ever Eight Crazy Guests of Hanukkah. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Which is a rude thing to call Hanukkah. It is not a nightmare before Christmas, and sometimes they run concurrently.

But in this particular case, for this show, you'll see why it's my nightmare, because I'm very high, and I should not have an open-door policy. But let me remind my Dallas friends that I'll be doing stand-up this Thursday night at Hyena's at Mockingbird Station and my Seattle friends that Doug Loves Movies

is coming back to the Neptune Theater where I did not only several Doug Loves Movies but also Doug Dynasty, which is on Netflix. And throw another plug in for that. And that show's on December 19th and douglosmovies.com is where you go FOMO info. Now it's time for tweet relief.

Potentially rabble rousing. That's not the right word. Controversial tweets about movies. At M-I-S-H-L-E-C-H-T, pronounce it any way you want, tweeted, the Annie remake could be called Orphan Black.

This has been Tweet Relief, the Blanny edition. This has been Tweet Relief, the Blanny edition. I don't know if that's appropriate to say these days, but we got a bag full of stuff. And I know what this is, though. A friend of the show at Cute Streak Designs. Is that person actually in the room?

Okay, there you are. Hi! What's your name? I'm Chelsea. Hi, Chelsea. She made not only a Gremlins poster that's adorable because it's very Christmassy and colorful, but also kind of reflects the violence and nastiness of Gremlins. She contributed a bunch of her work

for the prize bag tonight. And she wrote four posters total for Doug. Cute street designs. I don't have time to get into what they all are. Apologies for that, Chelsea. I brought a couple of strange items. I brought

not strange, but just stuff I've gathered in my travels. A book called The Medical Cannabis Guidebook. The definitive guide to using and growing medicinal marijuana. So finally somebody's come out with a definitive one. And it is in this bag.

And then the guests brought a bunch of stuff that's in the way of my other stuff. So maybe I'll find my other stuff later. Oh, here's one. I brought some highgasm, which is an edible, personal lubricant

that I would recommend if I would ever try such a thing. But I don't. Let's bring out... Oh my god. That went crazy. I almost lost that water i'm gonna need that water come on mic stand i mean mic stand you're the mic stand this is a music stand i know the difference shut up mic. They're arguing with me. Let's bring out the eight crazy guests of Hanukkah. Hanukkah?

Hanukkah. Or as my friend Alan Murray used to say, the eight guests of Chewbacca. Mark Wahlberg, Steven Seagal, Lord Lloyd Weber, Gary Marshall, Vic Garcia, Gary Busey, Jesse Ventura,

and Werner Herzog. How are you guys doing? You doing good? Yep, we've got confirmed. Of course Mark Wahlberg wins the Pete Holmes Award. I win everything, bro. First to speak without. Yeah, you're a winner. You're a full-time winner. Yeah, so let's just talk to you first.

It's Mark Wahlberg, everybody. How you guys doing? What, Mark, did you bring for the prize bag tonight? You always bring some good stuff. I did bring, I brought some, I brought a fucking movie. What's it called? Fear. You brought a copy of Fear?

I did. Is that the Criterion Collection, Mark? You know what? I just went straight up, first edition. Is there a commentary on it? Do you talk on the film and say, oh, we were here, it was cold that day, and then I stepped in a puddle,

but of course you don't see that, we cut that part out. Donnie does, actually. Donnie was a driver on that movie. They let him run transpo for an afternoon. Ooh, driver commentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He talks about, it's like, oh, it rains,

so I stayed in the van a lot that day. But I'll sign it for anybody who wants. And then I also brought... You know, wait, hold on a second, Mark. You know, I don't register fear as an emotion. Yeah? So when I watched that film in the theater, I just saw two and a half hours of darkness.

That's alright. Did you hear it, though? I heard the audio, I just don't see it visually. Oh, it's like a fuck. Auditorily, I can be petrified. So it's like a CD for you. It's like an audio book of fear. That's Jesse Ventura, everybody.

You got it. Do we still have to call you governor? You don't have to call you Governor? You don't have to call me Governor Unless you're one of the bonded stormtroopers That I'm assembling That's how they speak to you? They still call me Governor

Not unlike a Cobra Commander character Wait so Mark What else did you bring for the prize bank? Oh, I don't get a question, I see. Do you have the answers? I'll get back to you, or you'll just butt in. Oh, no, I brought that, and I brought those electric drumsticks. Here's why, here's why.

Oh, am I just playing music or do I have two blunt objects fucking tear some shit up with those and then I brought and then I brought

those Friero Rochers darling do you mean Friero Rochers yeah the Friero Rochers which what are they I don't know they're fucking fancy candy

they're sweet tree ducats they look like fucking gold Friero Rochers. Which one are they? I don't know. They're fucking fancy candy. They're a sweet treat. They look like fucking gold. Ferrero Rocher. Oh. Yes. Oh, yeah. They look as if they're made of solid gold. Yeah.

Ferrari. That is Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, everybody. Yes. Mr. Walton, I applaud you for bringing food that looks like it's for rich people, but it's for poor people. No, it's not, dude. It's called Ferrari roaches.

How the fuck could it be bad for you? Konnichiwa, I'll eat it. Lord Andrew, what did you bring for the prize bag? I brought for the prize bag? I brought for the prize bag the box set of the Freaks and Geeks. That's a nice item. Why don't you, Freaks and Greeks...

Greeks? Set Freaks and Geeks in ancient Greek? Yeah. Grass. Yeah, and put music in there. Yes! Everyone's wearing a toga. I am a freak and I am a geek. Can we

ever be friends? Come on, feel it, feel it. I love it. Thank you for being my hype man, Mr. Waldo. I got you, dude. I have actually consulted the Oracle of Apatow at Delphi. Well, you know,

I expected him to speak sooner because he's a very outspoken individual, but that's Gary Busey, ladies and gentlemen. You can refer to me as outspoken, which I've always said stands for organized, understanding, transcending, I need to have the time for all of that outspoken. always said stands for organized understanding. Transcending speech patterns.

Over knowledge and closed necessities. Just under the wire. You really got it in there. Steven Seagal is here also, you guys. Hi, guys. And what did you bring for the bag?

I brought the Ninja Wallet. Ninja Wallet. Somebody tries to stick you up, give me your wallet. It's very sharp. You throw it into their neck, I'm guessing. Sometimes that's the only thing you have, give me your wallet. It's very sharp. You throw it into their neck, I'm guessing. Sometimes that's... Finish them. That's the only thing you have in your wallet? Is that? And then I brought

what else did I bring? You brought some ho-hos. Can I have those back? Yeah. Tomo Gary I haven't seen you since Under Siege How are you? It's good to see you again Steven Have you been keeping up your Pilates exercises? I had to sell the machine

But everything else is going good You can do it free form air style Yeah you know I'm trying to get a rock collecting business going That's good. That's good. I consulted on one of those back in Diamond Bar. Oh, I'd be happy to go into business with you if you're interested. I would love any.

Yep, let's do it. Let's go into business. I have 17 business models that are. All right. All right. Well, save it for not his show. I feel like I'm eavesdropping in the rubber room. Yes.

Gary Marshall, ladies and gentlemen. Please call me Gary. Always. Always exciting to have him around. One of the funniest guys. Amazing cameos in films. You're so funny. Mostly my films.

You were in some other people's films and you're very funny. Thank you. You're very sweet to say you films, and you're very funny. Yeah, thank you. You're very sweet to say you're a good kid. The Albert Brooks movie. Going way back. Yeah. Lost in America.

It's that time of year, because I talked about Santy Claus. That's right. When he's trying to get his money back in the casino, you bring Santy Claus into the mix. That's right. What'd you bring for the bag? I brought some Dr. Scholl's gel work inserts. Listen. Take it from an old man.

Take care of your feet. You'll be glad later. I wish they had... In my day, they had no such thing, right? The only people that put things aside their shoes was the little guys wanted to appear normal height.

They weren't orthopedic. All those guys are crippled now. Alan Ladd, towards the end, he was a gnarled gnome. Alan Ladd was a gnarled gnome, you guys. Yeah, that's also a good vocal warm-up. Yeah. We're about to shoot a scene. Gary, I just want to ask some questions here.

Do you have any advice for a category four corn? Icy hot, icy hot. You ice it, then you heat it. Icy hot, I can do that, yep. Get a bag of frozen peas. Put it on your corn. While you're doing that, you got to, you know, the kettle's on to boil. Pour that in a bowl.

Just gingerly dip your foot in there. Not all at once. Well, I'll see if it has any effect. I mean, I bathe in boiling water every morning. You could also take a potato knife and just gradually scrape it off. I mean, we're talking a category four, right? Category four, yep.

Just remember, dude, fucking corn is high in starch. That's right. Don't fucking forget that shit. That's right. You know about plants from the happening. Oh, no, what's happening to the microphone? Oh, we got a technician. Who the fuck is this

dude? Somebody. I will take him out. Hold on a second. We have an unauthorized member of the panel. He's fixing up his mic nice and good. Come on, let's hear it for Rory Scoble, everybody. Ryan has a beard, so he's

Noble Scovel-esque. Please. Can't believe we haven't spoken to him yet because he's the star. Hey, we'll wait until you're going to fucking get to me. No, not you, Vic. The star of the Penguins of Madagascar is here.

Werner Herzog, everybody. Doug, thank you for having me. I wanted to buy my time and let all of the loud people speak first. But I will be here all evening just stay in the corner, not making much of a noise at all. I would love it if you and Gary Marshall,

or Gary, I should say, and... Please call me Gary! And Andrew Lloyd Webber. I mean Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. Please call me Lord Webber. If all three of them, if all three of you could have some sort of project together. Because

those three sensibilities together would be pretty amazing. I say, what if it was a project that remained undiscovered? Yeah, let's keep it amongst us. A project that happened a long time ago, but never saw the light of day. Can you imagine it?

Now I'm imagining having you on my Halloween episode next year. So far this one. Is anybody on the panel Jewish? I guess Steven Seagal might be. I tried to convert just for the food. They wouldn't have me. I remember what else

I brought, by the way. I am 17147 seconds Jewish Very slight fraction Yeah dude I got a burg at the end of my name Does that fucking count? I would think maybe I don't know I'm Italian which is practically the same thing

It is I brought the Taco Bell gift card. The what? The Taco Bell gift card. Taco Bell gift card. It says it could be anywhere from $15 to $100. It's definitely $15. And actually, I got it for a little bit less

because, you know, employee discount and whatnot. Taco Bell is my favorite restaurant. What's your favorite item on their menu? The gordita. I love... Why do you like the gordita so much? I love the gordita because it is made of pure chemicals. From the falsehood that is the meat

to the spongy laboratory item that is the shell of the gordita. I'm with you, Werner. I am in heaven every time I eat it. I fucking love it, too. Give me like a fucking Gordita crunch. And you know this? Every girl loves the Mexican pizza from Taco Bell. Every girl?

Every girl in South Boston. Isaac, Isaac, why don't we take a quick poll of the audience to find out ladies who like that. Raise your hand. None of you. No, if I ask, they'll say yes. If you ask? Yeah. Girls, you like that fucking Mexican pizza? That's what I'm fucking talking about.

Every girl I've ever known has loved it. My wife and China. China the wrestler? Yep, you got it. You've only known the two women in your entire life. Mom doesn't enter into the picture. No? I never knew her. We had an alligator bird thing.

This is just sad. Who brought the I Heart Australia keychain? I said it was me. No, it wasn't you, Vic. I wanted to take credit for it. I cannot afford to go to Australia, so that was not me. Doug, I... Thanks, Steven. I am the culprit. I cannot afford to go to Australia, so that was not me. Doug, I...

Thanks, Steven. I am the culprit. I brought that keychain to the proceedings because Australia is a vast wasteland that's filled with things that just want to kill you. Thank you. Steven and Vic are liars.

Vic Garcia, I vowed to never have him back on the podcast. Yeah, who gives a fucking fuck? You dumb sons of bitches. He's the most unliked person I've ever had on the show. He's even worse than Pete Holmes. It's because your audience is all fucking faggots. That's the kind of thing that you said a lot of the last time I had you on a show.

Look, I paid my debt to society. I've been in prison the last two years. Wait, this whole time you've been in prison? I was in prison. I did a really bad set up in fucking Foxwoods. You said something at Foxwoods Casino? It was a heckler. I had him fucking taken care of out back.

Let's put it that way. Oh, that sounds not only like a comedian's dream to be able to do that, but also, two years is pretty short for,

would you have done? They didn't get me on murder. No, I got to the jury. Don't worry about it. Oh, okay. A little jury tampering. Yeah, sure. Whatever you want to call it.

Let me put it this way. I'm here. If anybody has any fucking thing to say to me, you have to say it to my fucking face because if you don't, you're going to end up like a fucking 26 feet under. Alright, so Vic is a retired police officer.

I used to be a cop. Now I'm a fucking comic. I'm a Satanist. What do you need from me? And a parolee. Wait, hold on a second. You used to be a cop. I used to be a fucking cop. I got connections. You got connections and then you fucking had a guy killed and you got away with it and got out. I'm going to ask you one time.

Have some respect. I'm a big fucking headliner. Would you be willing to sell this movie? Oh, that seems like the perfect part. Perhaps the only fucking person in movies I respect is you because of what you did to that guy 20 years ago. Now look, here's the deal. First of all, which guy are you talking

about? You want to be pardoned for something you did a long time ago. Yeah, they pardon a fucking turkey every year. Why can't I get a fucking pardon? But why do you need it? You're a movie star. Everyone's cool. Just go apologize to the guy that you beat up or whatever. Maybe there's some fucking people give him a little yeah right well

maybe there's people who make you know bad choices when they're when they're younger okay and then they fucking get older and they succeed at every fucking thing they've ever tried to do and they have a brother who wishes they could do that that's here or there then like then they fucking say themselves one day you know what i want to be a cop in real life. And you can't be a cop if you got a fucking felony. So you're doing this so that you can become a real life police officer. Yep.

That's why you want the pardon. Yeah. And then every day I'm in a movie. Mark, I'm no stranger to mistakes in a young part of your life. Nor am I. I made Starlight Express. My biggest regret is turning to page 28 in a choose-your-own-adventure novel back in... 1972.

I love those fucking books, too. I was 18 at the time. They existed in 72, those books? I don't think so. Sure, look, roll with me here. Look, I actually used to mimeograph my own Choose Your Own Adventures. Stapled them together at the time. Yeah, mimeograph is definitely an old thing.

Did you get pardoned for it? Pardoned for my choices in the Choose Your Own Adventures? Yeah, I was officially pardoned. See, what the fuck? Why can't I get a fucking pardon? By a council of wrinkling time characters. We got lighters for the prize bag from Chameleon Glass, and of course, again, the posters

from Cute Streak Designs at Cute Streak Designs on Twitter. Can I have one of those? I brought a gun. If anybody wants a bullet, I got it for you. Oh, okay. So Vic is offering to give you a bullet if you need it. Duck, duck. And somebody's going to win.

Yes, sir. Duck. Lord. What? Werner? Werner? May I ask a question of Master Steven Seagal? Can I have one?

This is a question for both Master Seagal and Mr.ichiwa. This is a question for both Master Seagal and Mr. Wahlberg. Yeah, sure, Todd. Mr. Wahlberg, you wish to become a police officer much in the same way that Steven Seagal became a peace officer in that reality show that he had.

He was a sort of reserve sheriff or something. No, no, that was the last time that I had shelter it was more of like a volunteer program and so I know it's something

that I've already hold on a fucking second here okay dude here's why I want to be a fucking cop right if I just happen to see someone breaking the law I can be like

stop and mean it and and I can write like, stop and mean it. And I can write fucking Donnie tickets all day. Like, Donnie, go get a job. Here's a fucking citation. Donnie, put your glasses back. That's the number one fucking problem in our house.

He leaves the glasses lying around. It's the same with Penny. She never picked up after herself. Fucking Donnie won't even finish his fucking food. I'll finish his food. Stephen, here's a fucking tale. You can come over and eat any

fucking time you want, but you have to fight Donnie to the death. I want to know, actually, Mark, what kind of physical combat do you have training in? Are you a Hapkido black belt? No, I learned everything I, like me, my fighting skill is everything I learned from Rocky V.

Remember where he's like, watch out, watch out, he's a fucking street fighter, and then Rocky does that roll thing and throws that Tommy gun dude into a fucking trash can? Perfected it. Actually, watch out and hey there and heads up are very valuable in the field of battle.

Let the games begin! Gentlemen, we've got some name tags in the audience. I hope there's more than eight, so we have a little bit of selection. But if you could all go pick who you'd like to play for today. Rachel, individually, we're all getting one. Yes, everybody, even Vic Garcia gets to pick a name tag.

There's some cute ones out there. And while you guys do that, we'll be right back. And we're back. Who are you playing for? Hooray. Gary Marshall, who are you playing for? I'm playing for this guy. I guess his name is Sam.

And he made this elaborate thing where he puts his name in the Iron Man poster. And then there's a light-up Iron Man, what you call it. It's got a 9-volt battery on the back, which is fun. If you're a kid, you put your tongue on it. What a great scare. Alright, so Gary's played for Sam, who's been, how many times have you been picked? Twice. Okay, so you just heard

Oh, he's poisoned this guy! Yeah, good luck. Good luck, Sam. Who are you playing for? Lloyd, Andrew, Lloyd. I say that. Lord. It's a young woman.

It's a very androgynous sort of thing she's got going on here. She's put on a man's business suit, and she's riding a bicycle seemingly up a wall, and she's having a big adventure. It's a terrible big adventure. You don't know Pee-wee Herman? Who?

It's a Pee-wee Herman. Who are you talking about? Pee-wee. Herman. Was that a baseball player? No. No, he's a grown man who loses his bike in this movie, and he goes on an adventure to find his bike.

No, but then she's a plagiarist because she isn't the one having the big adventure. This just sort of looks like if Cate Blanchett played Pee Wee Herman in a reboot. I say, couldn't that

Albert Knob's movie have just as easily been another Pee Wee Herman movie? It could have, indeed. Indeed. So that's Karen. Why couldn't Mr. Knob have a big adventure?

I think he did in that one movie we sat through. He had the medium-. I think he did. In that one movie we sat through. He had the medium-sized adventure at best. Werner Herzog, you picked out what I think, what scanning the crowd looked like, the cutest name tag to me. It's very adorable. It's a little doll.

She seems to be an aviatrix of some sort. She has goggles. She has goggles atop her head. And at first glance, I thought, oh, how adorable. And then I looked closer and I realized this one was for me because the doll has a frown on its face and the name

indicated has been pushed through her heart with a thumbtack. So she's just uncomfortable being a name tag. Yes, as we all are with life. I think it's a Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim doll. No, Werner, I can empathize with that. I spent six months with an Eeyore tail

tacked into my right rear side. Do you know, Gary, I have long been missing my muse, Mr. Klaus Kinski, and I wonder, do you have a sufficient wild animalistic side with no regard for other human beings to star in one of my films? I do. Mark, you'd like to be in a Werner Herzog production? Yeah, fuck yeah. Did you see Grizzly Man? Oh, is that the one where the dude kills all those bears? No, no.

One bear kills the dude. Not quite. Yeah. You know, I've never told anyone this before, Werner, but what I did, actually, when I saw Grizzly Bear, it moved me so much that I went up to Yellowstone and I had a screening for the wildlife there.

You showed a movie of yours to the wildlife? No, it was not even a film of mine. It was Grizzly Bear. First of all, I wanted to be selfless about it. Grizzly Bear? What's that? It was Grizzly Bear. I took Grizzly Bear up to Yellowstone and I showed it to the bears up there.

And I sat down with them. You sure you didn't show them Yogi Bear? Well, of course I played that, but that was just before the movie where they're getting their popcorn and stuff. A whole movie before the movie. Well, no, you play, yeah, I play a little cartoon before the movie,

like it should be, like pictures should be. I think all of my movies should be watched with a Donald Duck or a Daffy. Do you see, Mark, I feel as if you're still somewhat tethered to reality, and so that's why it wouldn't work with us. No, fuck that, dude. Come to my house.

There's no fucking reality. My kids call me sir and madam. It's like, keep it professional, kids. You're lucky you're fucking here. It's topsy-turvy like Gilbert and Sullivan. That's an interesting reference from

Jesse Ventura. Wait, what was that? I couldn't hear you over my own voice. Who are you playing for, Jesse? Oh, yep, we got it. Hold on. I got it here. It's an homage to the Alan Moore classic, Watchmen,

but it's changed semantically, so it's Watch Ben. What's the name of the person you're playing for? Well, his name is Watch Ben. What's the name of the person you're playing for? Well, his name is Watch Ben. And it looks like you got a Rorschach there, and I've always fancied myself more of a Rorschach than a Dr. Manhattan.

You know, I see you as the owl guy. He's got all the gadgets, but he's very sad. He's not happy being an owl. You're thinking of Jake the Snake Roberts. He's never far from my thoughts. Okay. Who are you playing for, Mark Wahlberg?

All right, Ted. So somebody made a poster of a young me? Mm-hmm. No, that's Joseph Gordon-Levitt. The fucking Third Rock kid? I guess you could call him a young you. The dude from the fucking Third Rock, right? Sure.

Oh, well, it looks like me. And I'm playing for Cam Ron. I don't know why he put his full fucking name on there. Instead of Ron John, change it for Cam Ron. I don't know why I put his full fucking name on there. You said Ron John, change it to Cam Ron. Ron John fucking Surf Shop? No, I mean Don John. Ron John Surf Shop.

Okay, that's cool. That's enough. That's it. And who are you playing for, Steven Seagal? Well, it says Jones S. Joneses. Joneses? But the apostrophe is messed up.

And then... I believe it's Jones comma S. Indicating that it's... I'm going to be honest. It looked like a jacket that would fit, so... It's camo. It's camouflage. You would look good in it.

Yeah, you could be really sneaky in these sorts of things. And also, if you're sleeping at a bus stop, it probably is waterproof. I think it probably belongs to Steve Jones and the Sex Pistols. Okay, that's a theory we're going to just throw out right away. Fair assumption!

Fair assumption! And who are you playing for, Gary Busey? Well, look, I found myself, what I found is a DVD of a motion picture called Wild Wild West. It's a classic of a movie. Oh, I just saw some of that on VH1 the other day. That movie's crazy. I recommend watching it with extra commercials.

I think it enhances the experience It's a movie with William Smith and Madam Selma Hayek And of course The great man Kevin Kline The great man? Yeah he's a great man

He's a philanthropist and he's done wonders for me and my family I don't know what that's about But we don't have time to get into it. I wouldn't say sexual favors, but I would say erotic favors. Oh, okay. I never liked that thing. So everybody was willing.

Yeah, nothing that you wouldn't find amongst an ancient Greek warrior class. And I hate to even address you, Vic, because I hate you so much. What the fuck? Sorry. You're selling me out already. I'm sorry.

I apologize. You were horrible on my show, and I got a lot of angry tweets about it. Yeah, well, guess what? I fucking, you and I had to cancel a show after that. Oh, really? You got some threats or something? Yeah, I had a fucking show.

People gave me death threats. I killed every one of them, but that's what I'm going to fucking... Who are you playing for? I'm playing for some fuckface who's got a little Ice Age poster here. He's made a nice Ice Age poster. He's got a little cute Ice Age poster

for Sid the Sloth. Yeah, I never watched it. Sid? Sid? Okay. Yeah, I never watched the fucking cartoon, but my daughter likes it, so I used to park her in the theater

and make her watch a full day full of these Ice Age movies every time one came out. You just leave it there for the day. Yeah, I leave it for the day. The ushers wouldn't try to throw her out. Ice Age, Rio, whatever. I toss money at them.

Big fistfuls of fucking dollars and euros and shit. You got a lot of money? You think a retired cop who's a comedian? A retired cop selling, telling me I can't afford to throw little simoleons around now and then? I don't know. I'm just curious. Dude,

I'll tell you, we're making this fucking movie. You got funding? What's that? You got funding or you gotta rack something up for you?

Do you not know my last fucking name? He's Mark Wahlberg, dude. Funding is taken care of, dude. Yeah. Jews control the media. I put the ugly dude from Con Air

in an HBO show. We can make your fucking movie. All right, fellas. We know who you're playing for. We know that we're eight minutes away from having to apologize to put your hands together.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Put your hands together. All eight of you don't have to apologize. I apologize to put your hands together. That, but you don't, all eight of you don't have to apologize. I apologize to put your hands together. That's the most important one. Hey, hands together. I shall never apologize.

Yes, that's how I like it. I'm with you. I'm with you. Hey, hands together. Go fuck yourself. I believe that apologize stands for always protecting

organized love over a gentrified ignorance existence. Scissors. I've issued a statement through my spokesman. Oh, perfect.

So we don't have to get into it here. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for doing that. I want to apologize to whoever's mother it was. I fucked her. That's a good fucking joke.

Yeah, Vic, save it for the stage. I apologize. I apologize to Timothy Treadwell. I probably should have warned him a little more strenuously. Hey, don't dare those bears to eat you. They seem like they mean business. You could have intervened a little bit more. Werner, that was one of the most

gratifying moments in cinema history. In Grizzly Bear, you mean? When he's grizzly bear, when he's torn apart. And I think, I mean, I would love to just do a sequel and get the bear, just to get the old Disney bear that used to run around like, ah, ah, ah. Oh yeah, that bear.

That bear. And just get those bears. Do an animated version of it. Do you mean from the Country Bear Jamboree? Yeah. That fucking bear. Yep, have him come swinging down with a moose head. None of the bears in the Country Bear Jamboree ran around.

They were stuck to one specific spot. Were they not based on a cartoon, though? The Country Bears? I don't think so. I think it was a ride for an attraction. Have you been to Disney lately? Oh, I really thought you just almost asked me, have you been to Disney lately?

Yeah. Why? What happened? Okay, I don't know if it was just the fucking day I was there. Every fucking president. Ever. In one fucking room. Or you were in Disney World. What's that? you were in Disney World what's that you're a Disney World I don't know only one of the presidents you know I don't

want to be too grandiose here but I have already sat down for an animatronic version of myself should it come to that well they'll add you to the Hall of Presidents fuck yeah yeah, dude. I'm ready, willing, and able. Let's see if they can get the robotics together. We'll have to make sure that I'm allowed into the robotic debate. I will only allow myself to be rendered in wax, as is the classical way, and also a better chance that at night I will come to life.

There is that chance. To determine who goes first in a single elimination round. My face is 30% wax as it is. Single elimination round. It seems to be hot in this room. It's THC wax. Don't melt, don't melt. Last man Stanton.

And we are going to determine who goes first by Mark Wahlberg's pretty confident fellow. He knows he's going to do well today. Right, Mark? Fuck yeah, dude.

Yeah. So would you mind, could you do some lines with Mark? You guys want to do some fucking lines or what? So Mark is going to say a line from a motion picture Do some lines with Mark? You guys want to do some fucking lines or what? So Mark is going to say a line from a motion picture.

And Laura to Andrew or Gary or Werner or Steven or Gary. Vic, you could sit this one out. Or Jesse Ventura. I'm kidding, Vic. You're in. I can walk out of here and slap a guy if I wanted to right now. You know what? I would be grateful if you did exactly that. But Mark's

going to say a line from a movie. What do we do? We rhyme with it? We yodel it? What do we do? First person, all you gotta do is say the correct title of the movie. But are we allowed to yodel? I would love for everyone to yodel their answer. Is it alright if I bring my gigantic alpine horn onto the stage? Regula!

I didn't know you played. I didn't know you played. We could have had a sweet jam session backstage. There's not much to do in the frozen months of Minnesota. Are you guys ready to do this fucking line or what? I will find you. I know it. Whatever, no matter what happens.

I know it. I will find you. Stay alive. I will find you. Stay alive. I will find you. Can I go? Why do I have to listen to the whole thing? How long does it go on? Stay alive. Can I see you, Gary?

What is this, the director's cut? I will find you. Come on, Mr. Marshall. It's the last of the Mohicans. It is the last of the Mohicans. It is the last of the Mohicans. It is the last of the Mohicans. I say, it's a remix. France remix.

Let's go to Russia. All right, Gary Marshall's going to go first. Okay, what happens? Then we're going to go to Lloyd Andrew Lloyd Webber. Yeah, Lloyd Andrew Lloyd Webber. Lloyd Andrew Lloyd Webber. What game are we Lloyd Webber. Lloyd Andrew Lloyd Webber. What game are we playing, dude? We're playing Last Man Stanton.

You know it, Mark. You've been on the show before. Vic will figure it out as we go. Man, maybe I fucking won't. I cannot wait to eject you. Because when you miss, you're out. You leave the stage, gentlemen. And it's been a pleasure having you all.

Fuck yeah, dude. But this is serious. What do you guys think next year if we do this again? I'll bring out a... A better host. Look at him up there. Oh, fucking shit. Shots fired, dude.

That's fucking shots fired right there. We'll get somebody to keep their shit together with so many guests. All right, I'll tell you about my idea later. Sitting up there like a pilot. Oh, I can't wait. Good luck sleeping tonight, everybody. What is Doug's secret idea?

Maybe next year it's that dinner is provided. Do you have any more of those ho-hos? I'd be willing to share them with you. I'll have the ho-hos and you can have the wrapper.

He actually ate the picture of the ho-ho so you can have the wrapper? He actually ate, look at it, he actually ate the picture of the ho-ho on the wrapper. He tore it out and ate it. It tasted great.

So I was thinking I'd bring out a menorah and blow out a candle each time somebody gets eliminated. Fuck yeah, dude, that's thematic. I didn't think

it was a bad idea. I just fumbled on I could not think Of the word menorah Hey why don't they Bring out one of them Jewish candle-y thingies This doesn't go over

So great Menorah I'm trying to respect Mental extremities Needing organized Religion always That is not how it's spelled. Oops.

Organized overthoughts preventing seriousness. All right, apologies to put your hands together. We've run out of time. Fuck you, put your hands together. But we are going to play this game. Maybe you should fucking pull your hands apart, you fucking assholes. Vic, you should be trying to get a spot on that show.

You know, kind of get... Wait, wait, wait. I shouldn't even be here. I'm in violation of the restraining order to be in the fucking building. What do you want from me? Who has a restraining order against you? I kicked Matt Besser's fucking face in. And I fucking wrote out the restraining order. So we're all

fucking good. Wow, Mark is already doing lawman stuff. Have you even been pardoned yet? What's that? Nothing. No. Okay. We're playing Last Man Stand. We're starting with Gary Marshall.

Gentlemen, in honor of Jewish performers all over the world, tonight we are going to over the world. Tonight, we are going to do the films of... Sammy Davis Jr. Good guess. Oh, please say Hector Elizondo!

He is... It would be very easy for you, Gary, to name Hector Elizondo movies. I bet you could come up with at least three or four. He's got quite an extensive resume. Of your films.

Is it Mel Gibson? Stop guessing. That'd be fucking funny right there. That would've been funny, but I'm enjoying what I did choose. I never liked Mel Gibson

until a few years ago. What was the turning point? The beaver? No, just like Apocalypto. That was one of the few movies I liked. Those people know how to survive out there. I laughed out loud. Starting with Gary Marshall, we're naming the films of Barbara Streisand.

As an actress or a director. Don't care about her producing work. How's about this for a deep cut? Go. The Owl and the Pussycat. Nice. With George Segal. That's right.

Inexplicably the biggest star on earth for a time. He was huge for a while. Gigantic! I guess, was that because of maybe Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf? I think the population was thin then. Oh, okay. Less people got to weigh in. Fewer bodies

to say, George Segal? Remember Oh, I can't wait. I got tickets to Who is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? That's a great one. He's in Roller Coaster, of course. It's one of my favorites. Sure. Sense around. And the Duchess in the Dirtwater Fox,

where Goldie Hawn played a prostitute with a heart of gold who falls off of horses. I think that was supposed to be a franchise they each go on to have their own series of films. The Duchess films. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Jesse, you want to do a different podcast while they do that? Well, I actually am typing in a Morse code podcast right now through an undersea cable.

Lord Andrew. Yes? Barbra Streisand. Barbra Streisand. Of course. I'm a fan of many musical performances such as

perhaps you've heard of it Yentl Yentl of course directed and starred in that Werner nuts

Mark Wahlberg fucking best movie show we did bro Nuts Guilt trip Oh Wait what That's your favorite

Barbra Streisand movie The guilt trip Fucking kills it dude She kills it man It's her And that dude Who Captain Argo Would only fuck with her bra on

That's just anybody She's in a movie with You fucking know it dude I can't stand that Yeah I wanna see those. No, let it go. You've already seen her ugly-ass mouth. Leave it at that.

Wow, it sounds like you had some sort of experience with Catherine Heigl. We used to be pen pals. She stopped writing. That's all I'm going to fucking say. It's a lost art, writing letters. No one does it anymore. I tell my grandkids, they're in their 40s.

I say, listen. Pick up a pen! Dude, it's like you gotta go to prison to write a fucking letter. Steven Seagal, your turn. I actually was up for this movie and

they said no ponytails and that was a deal breaker for me and Nolte beat me out as the Prince of Tides. The Prince of Tides. Okay. You were up for the

George Carlin role? No. In that movie? I heard they had great craft services on that too. Alright, Gary Busey. I think my favorite movie

that Barbra Strachan did was Private Benjamin. Okay. I think my favorite movie that Barbra Streisand did was Private Benjamin. Okay. I don't know why no reaction from the crowd. But that is a fun movie. Have you never worked with her? What, have I ever worked with her? No, I've actually, no.

But she cut a number of my paychecks back in the 1980s. I was, yep, it was just a paying company that she, it was just a sort of a holding company. And I would just get checks for one cent or a negative number or sometimes foreign currencies. You fucking owed? What? You fucking owed? Well, it was just an accounting mistake.

I used to receive checks for services rendered, and I didn't render any services. Dude, I'm telling you, you could come back. I'll fucking make it happen. Going down. Buddy Holly 2. And it takes place in the airplane. Look, it takes place in the airplane. The last two hours of his life. He grabs control of the airplane and saves music.

Yeah, let's fucking do it, dude. But they still throw the La Bamba dude out. No, they get rid of it. They throw out the big bopper because they want to make the plane lighter. Fair enough. Okay, so Gary said Private Benjamin. Hey, Doug.

It's Ryan up in the booth. I don't believe Barbra Streisand was in Private Benjamin. Oh, that's right. That was Goldie Hawn. Holy shit, dude. Rory Scoville fucking... You really sold it.

I totally bought it. I thought it was going crazy. It's like, oh, it's starting already. This is it. Late in life. It's about that time. I'm forgetting that Barbra Streisand was in Private Benjamin. Is Private Benjamin...

Is that the dude... I want to know who that rat is in the booth, and I want to... I want him brought up on charges. What is, Private Benjamin, is that the, is that the one

with the ugly dude from Burbs and they try and find a kid? So, Gary Busey is out, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for playing.

Thank you for being here. Ladies and gentlemen, you can find more at my website, www.garybuseyisth, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for playing. Ladies and gentlemen, you can find more at my website, www.garybuseyisthetruth.com forward slash truth, forward slash Busey, forward slash live events.

What is Gary Busey's true stand for? Back slash Linux, back slash Bitcoin. Dot HTM. Thanks, Gary. Dot zero. All right, Vic, what do you got for Barbra Streisand films? That's it.

That's all the movies she was in. No, she did a few other ones. The entire fucking film career of Barbra Streisand. Okay, fine. What do you want from me? The one where she's in love

with the guy in the water and all that. Oh, I have no idea which one that is. The one where she's in love with the fucking guy? Wait, wait, wait. She's up there singing.

Oh, dude, you're singing a water song. Barbra Streisand right live in New York. How about that? All right. Well, I'm grateful for your lack of Barbra Streisand knowledge because I get to say goodbye, Vic. Go fuck your...

Vic Garcia, get out of here. Go fuck your own fucking dicks. You fuck your dicks. Wait, what? Go unfuck your own cocksuckers, you goddamn fucking backwards... Sounds like there was a scuffle. That was chilling to witness.

Look, I'm the sergeant at arms. I have it under control. The derailment of the show is emblematic of my life. Sad. Dude, you okay, bro? No. Jesse Ventura, I don't imagine you're a big Barbra Streisand fan, but what do you got for this game?

Yeah, look, I have certain knowledge. I think I loved Bar Barbara in 60 Minutes. I don't think there's a film called that. Yep, no, and there's a clock that ticks down a whole hour, the appropriate amount of time, and it goes tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Yep. All right, well, so thank you for playing, Jesse Ventura. Thanks for coming to the show.

I'll take the cup. I'll take the Stanley Cup. We'll see. Last man standing cup. We'll see you maybe some other time. Yep. Jesse Ventura, everybody. Congratulations to me.

See you, Jesse. Send me those documents. See you, Jesse. Send me those documents. I'm really going to miss those three guys. Three of the best movie game playing guests I've ever had on the show. Hold on, hold on. Can we share an Uber?

Hey, get out of here. I prefer Lyft if I can. You gotta go. You gotta go. You gotta go, Jesse. How strange they were all knocked out in such quick succession. You'd think one of them would have been able, with all that time that was passing, the third one might have been able to pull the Barbra Streisand movie.

Not a single one of the trio had any Barbra Streisand knowledge. Gary Marshall, we're back to you. Okay, how about this one going way back? Period piece, Funny Girl. Yes. That's where we first fell in love with not seeing her films. Lord Webber. I see you.

Do you know what film of hers I was... Always rather fond of. What are you doing? Most unseemly Dougrit. I love the way you speak. The film... What's up, Doc? Question mark. Yes. I appreciate the way you speak. The film, What's Up, Doc? Yes, I appreciate the full title. What's Up, Doc?

That movie, that really holds up, that movie. I like that movie. Werner? I am distressed that someone else got to name a film with punctuation before I did. I want to say... You can do it. Meet the Fockers.

Yes. Or you just wanted to say that? I just always want to say it. Say that any time you're at any dinner party and people walk in. Do you get how it is a naughty play on words? I did not, but thank you. It's fun to think about. Mark Wahlberg.

Dude, my fair lady. Alright, so Mark Wahlberg's out. Motherfucker. For real? She's not in that fucking movie? She doesn't wear a big fancy hat? I mean, there is a movie where she wears a fancy hat and we might discuss later. Before I go, let me just fucking say this.

It's been a pleasure letting you guys meet me. And this Friday, I'm going to be helping out with a Chili's takeover on the internet, so be a fucking part of that, everybody. What's involved

in the Chili's takeover? I'm just going to be fucking changing lives one Chili's fan at a time, bro. Thanks, Mark Wahlberg. You got itberg you got a team in Seagal Wasn't she the redhead in Hocus Pocus? I'll get out of here. I just got to say,

if anybody's heading towards the Greyhound bus station and wants a free kimono. Gary Marshall. This is going to be interesting. We're down to three of my favorite guests. They have a wealth of knowledge, so... I'm going to say... This could go on for a while. Was she in...

The Last Waltz? No. What? I'm out? Yeah, Gary Marshall's out, you guys. Thanks for coming, Gary. Lord Weber. Do you know a film she should have been in? No.

You must know a lot of her films. I believe I've heard them all. I don't see every film Doug Redhaw does that. No, I know that, but I just mean that she's in so many musicals. Yes, I know, but it's difficult, you know, sometimes to watch other people's musicals because I didn't write them. And there's not enough roller skating in those other ones. Here's the musicals I enjoy.

I enjoy these musicals where the whole time I'm watching them, I'm thinking, I'm making money. But there are these other musicals. It's a sort of sub-genre of musical that I don't make a penny from. Not a fan. Barbara must have sang that song from Cats at some point, memory. She must have sang it on one of her records. She's recorded it on several albums.

There you go. She does a wonderful job with it. She's a very talented girl. What movie do you think she's in? Eh. Eh. Eh. Was it The Brady Bunch? No, you're out.

Thank you, Sir Lord. Star Lord. Werner Herzog. If you can name one Barbra Streisand film, you will be the winner. Little Fockers. Little Fockers is indeed a Barbra Streisand film. And you've got to say Focker again!

You get it now, right? All I can say is Fock. And congratulations. Who is Werner playing for? I was playing for Emmanuel, who stabbed this doll through the heart. Yes. Good job.

Come get your prizes. Come on down. We got all those posters. I'll gather up all the... Gather ye shitheads while ye may or whatever. And yeah, there you go. Good job. And we got lots of shitheads.

And congratulations to Werner Herzog for winning the first annual Eight Crazy Guests of Hanukkah. Dankeschön. Thank you very much, everyone. Happy Hanukkah to all. Do you have anything else you'd like to say, Werner, since you're the

big winner? You get a little extra moment here. It was wonderful to play these games that I've never played before with such esteemed company, but I will confess I'm glad that they're all gone because I was terrified for my life. What a collection

of human monsters you invited to the stage. The writers of Greek mythology would have turned pale and slit their own throats had they been here tonight. Wishing that a Medusa could have

shown up to lighten the tension. Can you help me out, Werner, and do half of the shitheads? We'll take turns saying shitheads. It would be my great pleasure to lighten your shithead load. Juan doesn't have a shithead on his... Sorry, Juan. You're out.

You can make one up for Juan. And here's another one for you. I accept your terms. Does the camouflage jacket does the jacket have a shithead on it? Person who brought it? No. Werner gets to make up two of them.

And I'll do these over here. You go first, Werner. S. Jones is a shithead that was easier than I thought Scotty and Jim are a shithead okay as long as one person feels that way screenplay writer of Wild Wild West S.S. Wilson is a shithead that was an easy one too Foxcatcher

is a shithead I don't know why probably guy had probably his own wrestling story. This one, it names a shithead, and also there is a quote, presumably by said shithead. Oh, okay, let's hear it all.

Pete Holmes is a shithead. Wash my damn towels. Okay, and the customer support team at Comcast is a shithead. Okay, and the customer support team at Comcast is a shithead. And the final shithead, and thank you, everybody, for coming. Thank you to all of my guests, all the characters. They're crazy. What a crazy crew.

What a crazy-ass crew. And here's our final one. Donnie's wife is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes unfold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves

movies.