Doug Loves Movies - Zach Galifianakis, Nick Swardson, Marc Maron, and Matt Mira Guest

Episode Date: August 23, 2011

Doug welcomes comedians Zach Galifianakis, Nick Swardson, Marc Maron, and Matt Mira to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, sweetie babies, sticky seeds with 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth. They're still not warm, then he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody, my name is Doug and I'd like my microphone to be a little bit hotter. I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. I don't come in for a sound check, you guys, so this is it right now, and this microphone is now at perfection. We're at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2 Oceans 11. Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2 Oceans 11.

I had a stellar time Sunday night at the Galaxy Theater at Santa Ana taping Episode 7 of The Benson Interruption with Sam and the Ma'am Levine playing Leonard Moulton game against audience members and stand up and tweet offs with Jonah Ray, Kumail Nanjiani, and Chris Hardwick. That's available in the comedy album section of iTunes now or soon for two bucks. Also had a great time at the Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, Olis slash St. Paul. One night, an audience member, I'll say his Twitter name so you can follow him if you like people that are amazing,

at Darren, D-A-R-I-N, Lester, spelled how you expect Lester to be spelled, while playing the Littermon game against my opening act, David Huntsberger, got the Incredible Hulk in negative three names. Yeah, and he called Tim Roth Timothy Roth. And so he should get a bonus point for that. Dallas and Fort Worth, Texas,

your chance to take on David Huntsberger comes August 28th to 29th at Hyena's, and audience members can play against Graham Elwood at Helium in Philadelphia on September 1st. I will also be taping a Doug Loves Movies episode every night at Bumbershoot in Seattle over Labor Day weekend, 745 in the Bagley Wright Theater. Lots of great comics will be in town,

so come watch that if you're at Bumbershoot. And I'll be doing stand-up October 4th and 5th at Helium in Portland, Oregon. The number one movie in the country right now is The Help. Clap if you saw The Help. Clap if you're a man who saw The Help. Yeah, just you two. I don't know why I said that in such an insulting way,

but that's cool that some men saw that. Especially some white men saw that. I look forward to seeing it on a plane someday. I'm going to watch the shit out of it on a plane. Did anybody see Fright Night? Yeah. Yeah, see, only a few of you saw it, but one guy went, yeah, because it's good, right? Yeah, I haven't seen it yet, but the reviews are good.

So anyone listening to this, go see Fright Night. The first one's better? All right. Thanks for chiming in, person old enough to know the first one. He's a big Roddy McDowell fan. That's why he didn't like Rise of the Planet of the Apes. No Roddy McDowell fan That's why he didn't like Rise of the Planet of the Apes No Roddy McDowell

Alright Let's get our guests out here What do you say? There's four chairs tonight Which is always exciting When there's extra chairs Also another kind of Exciting element

Is that one of the guests Is possibly stuck in traffic again Yeah I don't think it was an RV thing this time. I think it was more of a didn't leave soon enough thing. But we'll find out. I'll announce everybody and we'll see what happens. We'll see who's here and who

shows up. But please welcome to the stage Matt Myra, Mark Maron, Nick Swartzen, and Zach Galifianakis. Nick, you made it. I made it. You totally made it. I made it. Yeah.

You sent me a text saying that you were late, and then also at the end of the text it said you just wrote rape. And I showed it to Zach, and he thinks you had to stop off for a quick rape on your way here. I gave a rape and received one. Yeah, I like to do both. It takes away the guilt from raping someone if they in turn rape you back.

Then it's not so bad. A rape you back. Exactly. Then it's not so bad. A rape exchange program. Now, Mark Maron and Nick Swartzen, when I booked you guys on this show tonight, I didn't even realize until this afternoon that the two of you are in a movie together. Yes. Can you name that movie?

Do you know what that is, Nick? Avatar? The movie that you're in, that Mark Maron is also in? Not Avatar. Oh, Almost Famous. Yeah! That's right. I think I can do your line from it.

Okay, let's hear it. I can do Nick's line. Bowie! Yep, that was it. Now, can you do his line? Fuck you, Gary! Is that it, or no? Who's Gary?

I don't know. That's that it? Or no? Who's Gary? I don't know. That's not it? Generally, if you're saying fuck you in a movie, it's in a character named Gary. Yeah, Gary's are assholes. Does anybody have a name tag with Gary on it right now? Sorry, man. That'd be awesome.

Somebody whipped out a Gary name tag. It is hot out here. It's exciting. I wore shorts. You did? I've never seen you wear shorts ever. I wore shorts and sandals because it was hot. I just said, you know, fuck it. I don't care. It's kind of like your line from the movie.

What's that? It's kind of like your line from the movie. No, my line from the movie was a very pivotal and important line, Zach. i don't know why you have to condescend to me it was lock the gates shorts no no lock the shorts it was locked yes very important because the gates had to be locked in order for the bus to drive through the gate and break them and that was the punchline of the whole scene. It was very important, 45 seconds of cinema.

Man, I can't believe that movie doesn't have a sequel with that line. I don't know how to respond to that. The sequel to Almost Famous could just be called Famous. Or We Were Wrong. Didn't make it. Didn't make it Didn't make it Close but no cigar And uh

But the lock the gate line Is you use that In the opening of your podcast WTF with Mark Maron Yeah And a lot of people ask What is that from And now they will know

If they listen to your show That is true But it also does I love it at the beginning Of your show Because it kind of implies That the guests Might want to leave and you're you have to scream lock the gate before the proceedings start well certainly that's happened i i mean there have been guests

that want to leave and i have to say really the you know the gates are locked the gates are locked. Gallagher! Oh, no. That was a hotel room. I had no gate. And I think that went fairly well in retrospect. Fuck that guy. Then people are going to be like, he's an old man. But he's an asshole of an old man. Old people can be assholes. They're horrendous.

And is it our fault that they're like that? Yeah. I think we're directly responsible. It's the young that make the old into assholes? Kind of. That's a good theory. I'm halfway there. I can't really bitch.

Halfway to old? Yeah. Or halfway to asshole? No, I'm all the way to asshole. You're up in it. Yeah. Matt Myra. No, I'm all the way to asshole. You're up in it. Yeah. Matt Myra. Yes, Doug.

You're on the Nerdist podcast. Yeah. With Jonah and Chris. Yeah. People love it. What is caught your, as a nerdy moviegoer, what is caught your eye of late? Is there a movie that nerds in particular should appreciate it's right i think fright night i think right you saw it yeah i saw it and it was good i was

only one of 11 people in the theater but it was great if you like the original and you like david tennant doctor who uh then i suggest going to see this movie in the 3d wasn't bad didn't give me a headache it but is it available in 2D? Yes. I'll see that. So if you have a lazy eye or... I'll see the 2D video. Do you like 3D? Nuh-uh. Why? Because they make me wear glasses.

I didn't go under the knife to end up having to wear glasses again. We're reviewing a 3D television on Attack of the Show right now. So the last two days I've been sitting there watching a 3D television on Attack of the Show right now. So like the last two days I've been sitting there watching a 3D television and it just fucking gives you a headache

and then you have to charge the glasses. It's like, oh, I want to watch TV. Let me charge those. So fucking stupid. You put them in a charging station? You have to charge the glasses to watch your 3D television. That doesn't seem right at all.

Wait, why? I don't know. Do they watch it for you? It's active, so. I can't wait until they come out with wheelchair TVs and you have to sit in a wheelchair to watch it. They just make you slowly more afflicted to enjoy anything. Some study recently said that every hour of TV you watch

takes 22 minutes off of your life at the end of it. That's not true. That's what they say. An hour of TV is because you're just sitting there. Who said that, Mary Hart? But wait,

isn't that sort of... I didn't hear the rest of the story because I had a seizure. But isn't that sort of a trick thing? I mean, you've just sat there

for 22 minutes watching television, so of course it takes 22 minutes off your life you just what well it's an hour if you fast forward through the commercial it's probably 43 minutes if you're watching like breaking bad or something right oh so you're saying for an hour long that takes 22 minutes off of your life at the end yeah that's fucking ridiculous i. I wasn't happy to hear that.

I watch a lot of TV. And also then, where do movies fit in? You sit on your ass for two hours watching a movie. How much time do you lose for that? At least you walk to the theater, I guess. From your car.

Is this going to take 22 minutes of my life, this discussion? Because... Because... The discussion was only like four or five minutes, so take one or two off your life. What about video games? That's what I'm saying. I'll be dead in a fucking week if that's...

They really open up the floodgates with this thing. It reminds me of all sitting activities. Close the floodgates! What about my... Lock the floodgates. Lock them. That's what I meant. Lock the floodgates.

But any amount of time... How much time does it take in your life if you take a shit that takes 20 minutes because you're just sitting there? That's sort of an activity, I guess. Yeah, but if you're spending 20 minutes... Too soon, Doug. If you're spending 20 minutes shitting,

I mean, there's a problem in any way. Have you taken a 22-minute shit, Doug? You know, I probably overstay it sometimes because I'm finishing up whatever I'm reading or if I'm painting something, I'll finish it. Or if I'm close to crocheting some booties, I'll wrap that up. Or finishing your set at the improv.

Oh. No, I meant his shit is his pants. Taking his shit. His shit's his pants. Oh, I see. I thought you meant taking a dump is a way to describe not doing well. No. I took you meant like taking a dump is a way to describe not doing well. No.

I took a dump up there. Okay, so I asked that question already. Moving to the other side of the paper. Nick, you're in a movie coming out on September 9th called Bucky Larson, Born to Be a Star. Bucky! Yeah. Couple of questions about this movie. Okay.

Is it a remake of Boogie Nights? No. Okay. Because it's about porn, right? I kind of describe it as like Napoleon Dynamite meets Boogie Nights. So it's like a really goofy, weird kind of guy. And he finds out his parents used to be porn stars back in the 70s but instead of being horrified he's like fucking sweet and he's like

that's my calling and so he moves to hollywood from iowa to be a porn star but he has a tiny penis like half a skittle full skittle would be crazy tiny full skittle would be crazy tiny. Full Skittle would be too big. And one of your porn star parents is, if I'm not mistaken from watching the trailer, is played by Edward Herman. Yeah, Ed Herman. Who's played almost every president, except for Obama. And so my question is... It's still time for him to play Obama, by the way. But he plays your dad, who is in porn.

And you were a producer on the movie, so you probably had to spend some time with edward herman like what did you guys talk about like in between takes um did you express your love of the movie lost boys yeah i actually found out a lot about lost boys nice i did i love lost boys um i don't remember what we talked about i think we just talked about farting or something i don't know no there's no way the guy that played fdr in three different tv movies talked to you i he i was able to we cracked up a lot because he uh i don't know he had never done a chance for him to cut loose yeah i mean a lot of people are always baffled when serious actors do comedies like they're always like why would they fucking do that? And it's like, well, maybe because they don't want to get shot and raped in every fucking movie

they do. They want to go and have a good time and have laughs and enjoy themselves. There probably hasn't been an Adam Sandler movie in the last 10 or 15 years that hasn't had some serious actor either, you know, you could call it slumming or having a good time or whatever you want, but like, they'd love to go in there and just fucking act

crazy. Like Kathy Bates was in The Waterboy. John Turturro, Steve Buscemi. Yeah, those guys are always in them. Yeah, I just did a movie with Nicole Kidman, which was insane. Was there a movie where Edward Herman was shot and raped? Yeah, he was the star of The Accused.

That wasn't Jodie Foster. I gotta re-watch that fucking movie that's that's how fdr ended up in that chair yeah wait so what's the the you were in uh uh just go with it yeah with nicole kidman yeah yeah that's crazy yeah and and uh she's gotten her ass beat in some movies before she's gotten fucked up. Not. No, but she has. Don't they imply that your character, don't you sort of hook up with her in it or something?

I don't. Yeah. I think it's implied. Yeah, but we didn't hook up. How could you? For many reasons. How could you not remember that? And you stole her from Dave Matthews plays her husband in the movie.

Yeah. That was crazy. That was crazy. It was crazy. I can't believe you're in so many crazy movies. One final crazy movie question for Nick. Are we going to, so since you play a porn star, are we going to have to see you naked? You see my bottom, and it's my real bottom.

Cannot wait. As if none of these people have seen it before a thousand times. I've known probably everyone at this table a combined 50 years, and they've seen... You must be bored with my penis at this point. He just showed his penis again.

He was in the dressing room just now he showed it, kind of. Zach pants me, and then I pretended to jerk off. Yeah. That happened Just minutes ago You can't not do the other Once the first thing happens Once it starts

Zach are you going to make any more movies? What's that? Wrong end Nope You're done? Yep It was a nice run It was a nice nope done I'm done yep it was a nice run it's a nice run I'm done thank God selling out you know what's really good movie that's a that I

love is a movie called below no it's that get really good where we went to the premiere a long time ago and I was just on HBO and I rewatched it it's really good oh I liked it at the time too but if you don't if you don't know it sack is really good it actually is fuckinged it and it's really good. Oh, thanks. And I liked it at the time, too, but if you don't know it, Zack is really good. It actually is fucking scary as shit. It's a submarine, right? Yeah. That's right, Doug. And was it directed by David Koepp?

No, the director's name was, he's a great guy. We really hit it off. Which guy, though? David Toohey. Toohey! Darren Aronofsky wrote it and great working with him. Do you want to hear an impression of my mom? Do you want to hear an impression of my mom

on Saturday morning? Sure. That was it. I've been waiting for 12 minutes to fucking do this. When am I going to have my opening? Pardon the pun. So, Mark Maron, you told me,

you basically came out and said that you were going to prepare to be able to play the Leonard Maltin game on this show. It was a little different than that. My girlfriend's an annoyingly big fan of your show, which means I have to hear about your show constantly. And then I said, well, I'm going to do your show.

And she's like, do you even know how to play the game? So I'm like, I think so. I was on the show once. She's like, well, you do you even know how to play the game so i'm like i think so i was on the show and so like well you got to know how to play the game because when people are on there that don't know how to play it it takes up too much time so mark's solution was so how do we play this yeah i said you asked me in the back oh so you never did she knows she gave me a tutorial you I'm going to act interested. And I'm going to do my best, Doug, to play the game. I watched some movies recently, but that doesn't have anything to do with anything. I was prepared to answer questions about movies.

I prepared. You watched every movie? Yeah, you watched everything to prepare? I watched every movie. I got Leonard Maltin's Guide. And for the past week, I haven't slept. And I've watched every movie. I've got Leonard Mullen's guide. And for the past week, I haven't slept, and I've watched every movie up to page seven. So you saw all the Abbott and Costello movies?

Yeah, I hadn't seen those. All the Aardvark movies? Yeah, yeah. There's only two of those. But they were okay. The first one was Nixon, one of them. Yeah. That's how you guarantee to be the first listing in a movie guide

is if you name your movie something that starts with Aardvark. Little tip for filmmakers out there. So, Mark, what have you seen lately? I watched that documentary, Shut Up, Little Man, about the Shut Up, Little Man phenomenon. That was excellent. I don't know if it's out yet. I got it from, someone sent me a screener, but it's good. You know what I'm talking about, right?

Yeah, that Pixar film? It would be a great Pixar film. What is Shut Up, Little Man? Those tapes that went around when it like about- The Peter Dinklage movie? No. Do you remember those tapes

that went around like about maybe 15 years ago? There were these two guys in San Francisco, these two, you know, drunken gay men who lived in this apartment and the guys next door taped them. No, it's got nothing to do with you. No, it's not. And it's got, There were these two guys in San Francisco, these two drunken gay men who lived in this apartment,

and the guys next door taped them. No, it's got nothing to do with you. It's just a guy going, shut up, little man. And these things traveled around, and they became very popular before the Internet. So it's a documentary about the guys who made those tapes and how big the phenomenon became. It's pretty fascinating. And they actually tracked down one of the guys in like an sro in san francisco and and he's like this global phenomenon he has no idea and they just wanted him basically to say you know shut up little man and and he does and it's very satisfying

that's gonna be like someday someone's gonna be thrilled to have you come by and say lock the gate yeah that happens now what was the last movie you saw matt myra friday night still oh yeah do you still do you stand by your initial claim that it's good i do yeah you're not gonna back down off of that colin farrell col Colin Farrell was weirdly attractive. I was like, I'd let him in.

It's very charming. Did you see Red State? No, I haven't seen that. Is that out? He's running at the New Beverly for a week. That was pretty intense And you went? I went to a screener thing

That looks awesome And you enjoyed it? It was surprising man I mean it was like Fucked up And like Really good Like you had no idea

What was coming And it kept getting It's a horror movie But it's so grounded In reality It's a little too close To reality So it's truly horrifying Like, but it's so grounded in reality, it's a little too close to reality, so it's truly horrifying.

Like Wes Craven's new nightmare. It's grounded in reality. Do you know Ralph Garman? He has a big part in that, right? Which one's he? He's like one of the main horrible people, right? What's he called? Caleb. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's the guy that's he's on lots of podcasts with Kevin, and he's a morning guy here on K-Rock in L.A., and he's got a big part in this crazy movie. The main actor is like fucking genius, the guy who plays the preacher guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Michael Parks. I didn't know who that guy was.

I was just watching Kill Bill. Did you see Kill Bill 1 and 2? Yeah. He plays two different characters in it. I've got to watch it again. Oh, he's so good. Because I think I was just watching Kill Bill. Did you see Kill Bill 1 and 2? Yeah. He plays two different characters in it. I've got to watch it again. Oh, he's so good. Because I think I was busy resenting something. Fucking talent.

Yeah, that's it. Click. Not him. I don't know. Something happened. I mean, I remember seeing Kill Bill 1, and then I remember having to see Kill Bill 2, but I don't remember either of them.

But that guy was great. He was one of those guys where it's like, where the hell has that guy been? And he's been in everything and I didn't realize it. Well, not everything, but he is good. Was he in due date, Zach? I fucking zoned out. What are you guys talking about?

That joke worked twice. Watch it the third half Zach texted me earlier Hey can I be on your show tonight I want to be really disinterested In everything that happens I didn't know I had to act tonight What about

What have you seen Have you seen anything In the theaters Yeah yeah Or at home Doesn't matter In the theaters? Yeah, yeah. Or at home. Doesn't matter. In the theaters, last thing I saw was

Yentl. Did you like that? It was okay. Yeah? It was okay. I get your plight. Finally understand what you guys are about.

Took Barbra Streisand wearing a hat, huh? Yeah. I saw Harry Potter two nights ago. I saw that. You saw Harry Potter two? Nights ago. I saw that.

I did not understand. I hadn't seen the other ones. I did not. You had not seen any of them. Somebody might as well have been explaining the Dow Jones to me. I did not know anything that was going on i would liked it but i was had no idea you should see the other 17. right i had that same experience so i have no idea have you seen it i saw one of them in the middle

the first one no i didn't see the first one that someone she took me to like the third one and like i i tried to pay attention yeah and i just missed the intensity of any of it even with the stupid masks and shit yeah i wasn't the third one is the best one i think is that the 3d one directed it is that the 3d one no 3d is more of a recent thing right like the last one was the only 3d one yeah i saw that one not in 3d perfect yeah well done can i ask you a question? Please. An honest question. When they have both versions, a 3D version and a non-3D version, doesn't the non-3D version look shitty? Oh, I don't know.

No? Maybe. It's like, what? Yes. The framing looks weird, right? Yes. I saw, what's that movie in the caves? This guy in France finds these.

Cave of the Three Ds. Yes. Yeah. That's in 3D and also 2d yeah I went to a pretentious theater in Brooklyn and saw it and I think it was showing in 3d but they didn't pass the glasses yeah bring your own man just blurry it looked weird right yeah it was not yeah. And it could have been good. Did you squint?

Blink-182 did the soundtrack. That's why I went. I'm on their mailing list. Yeah, when I saw Captain America in 2D, I complained about it being darkly photographed, and someone wrote to me and said that there's definitely an issue with 3D, non-3D projection

and how it's filmed and all of that. So I'm especially thrilled to know that the 2D versions suck because of the 3D version that I don't want to see. It's a great system. I saw Glee in 3D version that I don't want to see. So it's a great system.

I saw Glee in 3D. I mean, I was walking down the street and they were filming a scene from Glee. Now, what have you seen, Nick? Have you seen anything? I too saw Yentl 3D. And then went on the ride at Universal, the Yentl ride.

Dude, that's King Kong. That's your confusing Yentl with King Kong. Oh, right, right, right. I went on the new Star Tours at Disneyland. That's 3D now? Because, you know, the motion simulator and the film of everything happening, that wasn't enough. It has to be, things have to kind of float out in front of you but nonetheless despite

having to wear the glasses i loved it which version did you get i got you know i went on it four times and so i saw one time i saw princess leia and i think all the other three times it was yoda that's weird when they say there's They say there's 54 different versions of the ride, and when they say that, that means there's the minorest of things happen differently. Like the first, Darth Vader's always there. You always go into the battle of the At-Ats, and then it changes from there. Vader's not always there. No.

Oh, you're right. Yeah, he's not. You're right. But when he's not there, it's not as good. Yeah. The other thing that happens... No, it's not nearly as enjoyable....isn't as enjoyable. you're right yeah you're right but when he's not there it's not as good yeah the other thing that happens no it's not nearly as enjoyable isn't as enjoyable you're right but there's only so many variables that happen like i saw jar jar twice out of four rides but they all and that was two times too many i was talking i was talking to one of the workers that was down there like i went the day before they launched for my press but i asked i asked the girl i was like so does so does George Lucas oversee this?

She's like, he came in one day and just sat there and went, okay. And just left. I think that's why it's so good, because it's clearly, like, even though Jar Jar does make a brief appearance, it's very well done for a revamping of something that was already good in the first place, in my opinion. Nick? Holy shit. I don't know what just happened. That was an amazing conversation.

No, you were going to say some movie that you saw, right? I saw Rise of the Apes. I'd like one for Rise of the Apes, please. Oh, wait, wait. This is a true story. I went and saw Rise of the Grove. This is real. I went to the Grove and then a woman was walking out. She was probably in her 60s and uh i went to the grove and then a woman was walking out she's probably in her 60s and she walks up to the counter and she goes i want my money back and the guy goes why and she goes i hated that movie and he goes well you watch the whole thing and

she goes nobody told me the humans were going to be mean to the apes that's a true story my hand to god this fucking stupid bitch there's been five other movies of humans fighting apes that's the whole premise i'm like if you better be fucking jane goodall right now and if you're not bitch get the fuck out of the grove nick it could have been a movie where the apes decided to rise up just because we weren't doing a very good job. Like, they weren't necessarily mad at us or wanted to fight us, but they were like, we got to take this shit over. This is ridiculous. They wanted to just rise up.

Yeah, so nobody was mean to us, but look at what's happening with the economy. The apes are like, we can solve the debt ceiling. Here, take this gas. We'll throw a banana at the goddamn debt ceiling. All right, let's play the Leonard Maltin game, you guys. We got four very strong competitors. We're all probably very excited to play. Some have trained for this.

Oh, my God. Look at the size of that sign. Holy shit, Bob. It says Emily, and then it's a guy with giant hands bill maher bill maher praying oh bill maher it's you said that at me like i should know that it's bill maher and his giant hands because that's such a great movie reference i mean i guess religious was a movie is that oh there's a there's like a... What is that? Oh, it's Homer Simpson, but what is he, like a robot or something? He's holding a holy donut.

All right. Everyone's explaining these things to me like I'm crazy. There's a shirt that says Charles on it and has a picture. Is that Danny McBride? Yeah, all right. From eastbound and down in 30 minutes or less. Hey-oh. Don't read my shit Peeping

What are you doing? Stuff Don't be peeping So you guys get to all go Select a name tag you want to play for Just go into the audience and take it from them Oh, we have to touch them? Yeah, yeah

No, just take the sign from them Like, whichever sign speaks to you You know, there's of course Jordan with the baseball In the front row is always here And uh This is probably the one week speaks to you. There's of course Jordan with the baseball in the front row is always here. This is probably the one week where I can safely say that none of the guests are that enamored with baseball that they

would pick you. Just go pick whatever you want. Do you think that shirt is your size, Zach? I think you'd look good in a shirt with Danny McBride on it. The reverse raccoon? The reverse raccoon, yeah. Can you pick someone without a sign?

If you really want to pick someone without a sign, you may, but they made signs so that they get picked. This gentleman's just holding up a magazine. Zach, that might appeal to you. Did he just leave, really? I think we might have lost Zach. I bet she doesn't go.

Here, I text him, but his phone is on the table. Oh, there he is. You like Cade? Go take that from Cade. Get it. Get it. Who do you have there? I have Joe.

Joe is like three letters from, I would guess, a marquee, maybe. Not OJ so Nick is playing for Joe and Zach is playing for Cade beautiful sign Lewis and what's he's got like an outer space character

and it's on an IHOP receipt oh okay so somebody loaded up on pancakes and uh not that much because they only spent $15.36 Yep, and it's on an IHOP receipt. Oh, okay. So somebody loaded up on pancakes and made a nice name tag. Not that much, because they only spent $15.36. Well, I guess you can get a lot of pancakes. If it was just one person, that's a lot of tennies. And Mark, who are you playing for? Emily.

Oh, you got the Bill Maher with giant hands. Well, I think he's praying, which he never does. Yeah, and so that's why his hands are so big while he's doing it. He's got like Popeye forearms. Can I just say something just happened that's never happened? One of my beard hairs got stuck in the microphone. Oh, that happens to Zach all the time?

Let me tell you about that. Does it really? I just pulled it out and it hurts. It hurts. Yeah. We do it to match my pain. Grow it or... Just stick it into your beard and get one stuck. Oh, Yeah. We do it to match my pain. Yeah. Grow it or... No, just stick it into your beard and get one stuck. Oh, just try to do it right now? No.

My beard is conditioned not to respond. You just Febreze'd it, right? Yeah, just Febreze'd it. It doesn't work for me. So Matt brought some Nerdist t-shirts in two different sizes, which is very thoughtful because you don't know who's going to win I think Chris needs more publicity I think that's wonderful

Mark Newman brought a copy of his new CD This Has To Be Funny This Has To Be Funny Are we supposed to fucking bring prizes for people? Well yeah I mean you didn't know Well no I panhandle with this thing,

so I... Mark, let's just say this is from Zach. Okay. Because Mark also brought the How to Train Your Dragon. What's in here, Zach? Just a wallet. It's just my own stuff.

Just give away your wallet to somebody? A nice, nice SAG card. Some Dentinized I got that I think that was swag at Greg Ferguson show

or something I don't know where that came from so yeah we'll be right back with the world's worst bragger it's a dragon

double D I'm just trying to get myself off the hook for owning that I don't know would someone in this room enjoy that? I think so, yeah.

Yeah, it's a good movie. Oh, there you go. A VIP card from Vito's. It's good for a 30% discount on all food and wine. Go to VitoRestaurant.com if you look up restaurants on the internet. Not your social security card. You need to hang on to that. You need that.

Copy of my first record, Professional Humoridian. Zach and I also went in on a keg of Tequiza. That's outside right now. It's out in the parking lot on ice. Oh. Yeah, it's a whoop monkey Yeah

Whoop monkey Gonna give one of those away Also gonna shoot one in the crowd Does anybody have a baby? Nice snag You like pulled that Pulled that from the hands Of the rightful owner

And he immediately And he immediately pretended Like he didn't do it Yeah you gotta You gotta be cool about it So yeah So all of this Can be won by somebody

When we play the I forgot I signed a 30 minutes Or less poster Oh Nick brought a 30 minutes or less poster And he signed it Yay

I signed it for Jesse Eisenberg Yeah You wrote Aziz Ansari on it Aziz Iari on it. Aziz, I'm sorry. What was it like fucking around with that flamethrower in that movie? It was really scary.

Yeah, right? It was something that you read it in a script, and then you're like, oh, this is going to be fucking sweet. And you get there, and they put it in your hands, and you're like, I want to go home. Take this out of my... It's scary. Metro card. Oh, Metro card.

Yeah. That's a good one. Can you use those in L.A. or is that just New York? That's only New York, but that has $6,000. This one doesn't... What?

So if you want to move to New York... It doesn't expire until Halloween. Yep. So go to New York and go nuts. Whoever wins... Better known as... $6,000. You could take the subway back to L.A.

with that much money. And a picture of a young girl. My niece. Susanna, who is four years old. Yeah, yeah. We've had a falling out, so... It's time to let her go. No, I can't give that up.

She's the sweetest. No, no, no. Too late, too late. No, give me... It's in. It's in the prize package. No, I can't find it. I can't get it out. I can't give that away. She's the sweetest. No, no, no. Too late, too late. No, give me a picture of that. It's in the prize package. No, I can't find it. I can't get it out. I can't get it out.

I have to have it back before we start. Here you go. Okay, there she is. Little monkey. There you go. She'd be so mad at you if you gave that away. All right, here's... Oh, it's on the back of an attack the block poster,

the Cade sign, so that's... You should have worked your name into the front of it, but it still worked. You don't have any tape. Oh, there you go. That'll work. It's a new app, one though. It's a new iPhone app.

It's the... It holds things. It's a new app, one though. It's a new iPhone app. It's the... It holds things. I hate new app jokes, but that one actually was okay. You don't like it when people go app shit? All right, so... Let's play a Linda Mal game.

We're running way behind. There's four players. This could be a nightmare. Can we do a movie called Rise of the Apps? Sorry, can we edit that out? You know, I want my money back because the humans were mean to the apps. They mistreated the apps. They were so rude to the apps. They mistreated the apps. They were so rude to the apps.

Okay. We'll start with Matt Myra, and then we'll go to Mark Maron, and come around to Nick Swartzen, and then Zach. So, Matt, you get to pick a category. Would you like summer blockbusters? That's movies that were out during the summer

that were blockbusters? Not this particular summer, but any summer. Also, L.E. Steveman suggests dark movies, which is, no, Zach, it's movies with the word dark in the title. And... I was thinking of The Help.

I knew that's where it was going. Or, uh... Ain't nothing but a G thing. That's movies that are rated G. Suggested by someone named Rust underscore monster. Which one of those would you like, man? I'm going to go summer blockbusters.

All right, summer blockbusters. This summer blockbuster is from 2008. Leonard Maltin gives it three and a half stars. Generous, if you ask me. He says that this movie opens with slam bang action. Falls into a lull of exposition then revs into high gear for an eye-popping finale

which that description doesn't fit any summer blockbuster ever made it's like all of them and there are eight names how many names did you get in It's like all of them And there are Eight names How many names Did you get in Matt? Seven Alright

That's a good opening bit Now we go to Mark Okay So now Come up with a number right? Yeah Your girlfriend can give you Signals if she wants

Five Five Six She says six Six This is pathetic Nicely played Nick now you can either say name it

Or you can go Fewer names Four motherfucker Oh shit Zach Name it Into the microphone please Philadelphia

Name it Do I name it? No Nick will have to name it Oh name it Nick Fucking name it What's the year? The year is 2008. Three and a half stars from Len.

You get four names. Yep. They are Igor Jichkine. Love him. Shia LaBeouf, Jim Broadbent, and John Hurt. I just heard a loud um, like she was going to say the name. I think I got it. Yeah, what is it?

Eagle Eye? No. Fuck! No, Shia LaBeouf was strangely very lowly billed, considering his part in this movie. No, Shia LaBeouf was strangely very lowly billed, considering his part in this movie. The rest of the names are Ray Winstone, Karen Allen, Cate Blanchett, and Harrison Ford.

It's Indiana Jones and the... That was the worst Kingdom of the Spiders. I'm sorry for that. I've ever heard. Right? When does it rev up? When does it rev up? It never revs. It doesn't rev.

It's revless. It's completely revless. Shit, man. Three and a half stars is way too nice. I wish I were dead. I can honestly say I would have never gotten that answer. I just want to say that. Okay.

Can I show you something that I learned from the Harry Potter movie? What's that? Oh, magic. Do you remember that scene when he tilted a Bud Light pan? So you got the point, Zach. Yep. Yeah. Congrats.

Cade. Yeah, so... Sorry, Joe. That means we start with Matt again, and then come the opposite direction this time. We'll come at Zach second. And your category options, my friend, are a gentleman named Peter Christian on Twitter

suggested Best Picture Losers. That's movies that were nominated for Best Picture and then lost. It's the birthday today of future guest Jay Moore who's celebrating a birthday today. And he's going to be on the show soon. So the films of Jay Moore. Yeah, he's been in a few. And then In Theaters Now.

That's movies that are playing in motion pictures theaters right now. I'll go In Theaters Now. All right. This particular movie, In Theaters Now, Leonard says about it, his first line, I won't say the rest of it, but I'll just say the first line. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the movies. Yeah, you know the next thing he's going to say is not going to be particularly nice. And then his favorite line from the movie

contains the words, I live and I love. Well, you guys, yeah. It's in theaters now, and there are 12 names. how many names do you think you can get it in i'll go 10 matt says 10 names now we go to zach um um eight he says nate names nate names. Nick. Nick Nate. It's in theaters now. Mm-hmm.

So it's not Bucky Larson opening September 9th. September 9th. Just in time for the... It's nice that you have a nice comedy out there for us on the anniversary of the 10th anniversary

of 9-11. I just want to thank you in advance. You're welcome. That's what we should all do on 9-11 i just want to thank you in advance you're welcome that's what we should all do on 9-11 let's go see bucky larson it's either that or fucking contagion it's like people oh jesus disease zach loves contagion movie looks so good are you serious have you guys seen the trailer i think it fucking does look good oh have you seen it did you see it shut up about it i haven't seen have you seen it? Did you see it already? Shut up about it. I haven't seen it.

Have you seen it? No. If you don't see Bucky Larson, you'll die of a disease. Ask me if I've seen Contagion. Have you seen Contagion? See it. I lived it. Seven names.

Seven says Nick Schwartzen mark maron what does your girlfriend think you should do i'm uh six six names six names man i'm gonna say name them yeah good luck mark maron it's in the movie theater now yeah just when you thought it was safe to go back to the movies so it's bad bad. Then this one came out. I don't know. He also says about it, his favorite line from the film is, I live, I love, and then I'll read you the rest of it later, but it's pretty good. And there are, as I said, 12 names, and you're getting six of them. Those six names are Milton Welsh, the great Milton Welsh,

Saeed Tagunmawi, apologies apologies to say if I pronounce it wrong which part read Raui these are kind of good clues actually no so on Ozzy Steve O'Donnell and Leo Howard those are names so just name a movie that's in theaters now basically and you might you might pick up a point here fuck please I

I can't I can't really I can't name one fucking movie that's in a movie theater right now I don't know the name of this movie

but just think of like what's what like have you noticed is playing in theaters now and you might you might just you might just pull it out see i knew this would happen it doesn't mean it doesn't say anything bad about you that you have no idea of any movie that's playing in theaters right now

idea of any movie that's playing in theaters right now I wanted to say shut up little man just to get another plug in for that movie you liked no I thought of theaters yeah right and no it's not in theaters it was a bad thing to talk about why but because I had to explain it and no one fucking knows he's not up little man that's the best part of it. Well, people will check it out now. People are intrigued. How could you not want to see this? People are like, aren't the Wayans brothers in that? I don't know, Doug, and I can't name a movie

that it might be. What do you guys think it is? Conan the Barbarian. That's what it is. Conan the Barbarian? See, I thought that was coming out tomorrow. That's what it is. Conan the Barbarian. See, I thought that was coming out tomorrow.

Yeah, because sometimes movies come out on Wednesday. It's true. All right, so Matt Myra gets a point. We got Zach's got a point. Matt's got a point. I have two points. We start with Nick Swartzen, and then we go from there over to Mark. So get ready, Mark. It would be so good if I could get one thing.

Someone named at Rubber Buckshot suggested, I was just recently in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. Nick is from them parts.

So this person suggested movies that feature twins. So movies that have twins in them for some reason. Physical people that look the same? No, let's just say it might have two items

in it that look the same. It might be one of the 9-11 movies. Oh! Sclar Wars. Healer through laughing. Star Wars did have twins in it. Sclar Wars. Oh!

Both the Sclar Wars and Star Wars have twins in it Sklar Wars Oh Both the Sklar Wars And Star Wars Have twins in them Okay so He was a fart He was a fart Movies with twins in it Or Someone

Someone named Luce Kanan K-A-N-E-N Suggested Leguizamo Which is movies that have Either leg, quiz, or mo In the title

I know. That's a crazy category. And did I give you three of them yet? No, it's two. One more, one more. Thumbs down on Twitter suggested Decapitations, movies that feature a decapitation. I'll do the, those are the only three choices? Twins.

I'll do the twins. Leguizamo. All right, twins. Of course, the Star Wars films are anins. I'll do the twins. Lequizamo. All right, twins. Of course, the Star Wars films are an example of movies with twins in them because Leah and Luke

were twins. But this movie is from 2002. Three and a half stars from Leonard. Most people would probably agree with that. I might go three instead.

And he says about this movie, he says that the screenplay is related to a dude and his dead brother. Yeah. The screenplay is credited to a dude and his dead brother. And the movie

features a cameo by director Curtis Hanson. Weekend at Bernie Mac's. Features a cameo by director Curtis Hanson. Weekend at Bernie Mac's. How many? There are. He didn't pick dark movies. There are ten movies.

There are ten movies, Nick. Matt. There's ten what? Ten names, I mean. Ten names. There's ten names. Okay. And mean Ten names There's ten names Okay And there's also ten movies That this could be

Okay How many names do you think You can get it in? This Alright I think I could Get Eight

Okay Mark What is the The The type of movie It's the twins thing right? Twins It's got twins thing, right? Twins. It's got twins in it. It's credited to a guy and his dead brother.

I think I can name it. What do you want to do? You want to go like zero names? Yeah. You're that confident? Yeah. Name that movie. Adaptation.

Adaptation's correct. Wow. Adaptation? Adaptation's correct Wow Wow I did that for you baby Yeah look at that Get over there and fuck her Start fucking her now

Damn it Somebody's gonna let somebody watch his old comedy special Tonight All three of them Somebody watch his old comedy special tonight. All three of them. Wow, that was a real fucking rush. I thought I was going to be the asshole all night. I thought I was really going to walk out of here a dumb fucking loser.

And now I'm just... That's an amazing pull because most people probably don't think of that movie as being about and having twins in it, even though that is what it is. Yeah. Well, I don't want to discuss the victory, but I... It wasn't that Curtis Hanson wasn't the clue that gave it away.

It was actually the screenwriter thing, I think. I thought it was twins. Oh, yeah, because you knew that Charlie Kaufman's brother passed away and that they wrote it together? I knew that it was said to have been that, and it was all part of the, you know, see, I don't want to ruin the victory. I just want to, you know, relish it.

You know, it's interesting, though, that that's the kind of trivia you remember when someone achieves something also dies. Well, it's a great fucking movie. Yeah, yeah. And I just, I think I watched it. You'd give it four stars then.

Oh, yeah. That movie's genius. All right. How many stars did Malton give it? Three and a half. Out of what? 17.

No, out of four. From bomb to four. He gave it three and a half. You know, I'm one of the, I didn't love it. I didn't, I'll be honest with you, but it's fucking sweet. Spike Jonze directed that, right? It You know, I'm one of the, I didn't love it. I didn't, I gotta be honest with you,

but it's fucking sweet. Spike Jonze directed that, right? It's really, I mean, it's got some great stuff in it. For that car crash alone, it is worth four stars.

For the car crash where they get broadsided and he loses his teeth and his wife, I mean, that alone is four stars. I'm starting to get more

of a feel of why you know so much about that movie. What are you kidding me? Like Meryl Streep snorting green Coke? I mean, where are'm starting to get more of a feel of why you know so much about that movie. What are you kidding me? Like Meryl Streep snorting green Coke? I mean, where are you going to get that? My living room. Where else, Zach?

Besides Nick's living room. Oh, you knocked your phone on the floor. There's an app for that! Dude, your phone had an accident. Stop it. Oh, God, what's happening? You mean what's happening? Yeah.

Can you see? You want me to move? Hey, hey, hey. All right, so Mark got a point. So everybody's got a point except for you Nick What? Yeah I was told I won that one

Get into this game Alright Matt told him to name it right Okay so we'll start with Nick And then from there we'll go to Zach And Nick you can pick From any of the categories Didn't he just do that?

What? Pick from a category? It happens sometimes. Sometimes the same person gets to pick again. You got a point. Settle down. All right, all right. Just have some more nicotine gum.

I'm good, I'm good. Lozenges. These are lozenges. Oh, sorry. Nicotine lozenges. Oh, my throat needs to feel smoky and scratchy. Those are also nicotine glasses and a nicotine beard. Don't forget the sandals.

Don't get your nicotine beard stuck in a microphone. What is it again? We got some blockbusters. We got G-rated movies. Le Quasamo. Decapitations. Wasn't there one of the movies nominated but lost? Yeah, yeah.

Lost Best Picture. I'm going to do that shit. All right. This movie is from 1998. I'm so into this game now. Letterball gives it three and a half stars. Again, many would probably argue with that. Probably think it deserves

the full four. He calls this movie trenchant. And he also says that that the movie, the direction is aided immeasurably by the cameraman and the superb creative team for this movie that did not win Best Picture, but it was nominated from 1998, and there are 18 names. 98.

You don't remember 98? I do. That's why I live in New York. I had Zach's apartment back then on Ludlow. True story. Yeah, I want my Pert Plus back. Just kidding. It was Kyle.

Kyle's. What is this? It's Prel. Prel. Prel. I think Ross Broccoli snorted it. How is he? Sorry.

I'll say I'll say ten names. This is a good opening bit. Zach? There were 18 names? Yeah. He's getting to it. Five.

Matt? I'll go four. 18 names? Yeah. He's getting to it. Five. Ooh. Matt? I'll go four. Mark? It was nominated for Best Picture 1998. Yeah.

And it's going to be the three bottom names, correct? Out of 18 that you say if I say three. Yeah, if Matt bid four, yeah.

No, it's at the bottom of it? No, it should. Yeah, you read from the bottom up. Yeah. All right, name it. So Matt gets four names?

Yep. Do you want the clues again, Matt? No. Good. Harrison Young, Ryan Hurst, Paul Giamatti, and David Wohl. Saving Private Ryan? That's correct. Oh my god!

Matt Meyer is our winner, everybody! Boom! Boom! Boom. Wow. So who'd you win for? Where's Lewis at? All right, Lewis, come get your prize package, your 30 Minutes or Less poster,

which is still in theaters now, so check that out. There you go, dude. There's your bag of stuff. And enjoy that picture of a four-year-old child. No, no, you still have it. You still have it. And could the three people

who unfortunately lost today, could you come up and tell me who you want me to call a shithead? And then we'll wrap this thing up. Hey. Yeah. Where's Joe? Joe.

Sorry, Joe. I feel bad. That's okay. You did your best for Joe. Here, write it down on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This Cades thing? Oh, she brought you another Bud Light.

Very good. Thank you. Enjoy that. Again, an impression of my mother. Mark, you got anything to plug? You got anything coming up? When's this going up? This will be out in a few days.

It's Friday. Oh, Friday. I'll be at Hilarity's in Cleveland tonight. You better get going. I wish that were true. Hilarity's, where the bar is set too high. And then Matt Myra. You can watch.

You've got a live. A long last name. You've got a live. A live show. A live notice coming up. Grammar Seat Theater. Oh, October 14th, the Grammar Seat Theater in New York. and a live show a live notice coming up yeah uh grammar seat theater oh october 14th the grammar seat theater

in new york and then our uh special airs on bbc america on september 24th now do i get that on my cable maybe not

uh and then uh attacking the show every uh weeknight at seven on g4 that's the other show right on hey zach

what are you a voice of in that's coming out soon great question doug i saw your name as voice talent on something what was it of the show. Right on. Hey, Zach, what are you a voice of in that's coming out soon? Great question, Doug. I saw your name as voice talent on something. What was it? It's a movie called Puss in Boots. Yeah! Yes.

I saw it today. Is it good? I liked it a lot. You know, I have nieces and nephews. I just want them to have something to enjoy that their uncle is in. No, I did it for the money! Yeah, yeah. But I do want to see that one

because he makes his eyes all big when he wants something. Puss in Boots. Puss in Boots, like he actsots like he acts all like a little cat and then they give him what he wants I never met him the amazing X-Men

and Nick Schwartz is in 30 minutes or less and Bucky Larson is coming out soon I will be at the Orpheum Theater in Sioux Falls

on September 9th the Rialto in Tucson on September 10th. Get on Expedia tonight! And, yeah, travel to Tucson. And Nietzsche's in Buffalo September 14th. And, as always, Ryan McMenamin is a shithead. So that must be, like, a personal thing. Katherine Heigl's agent

is a shithead and Apps is a shithead Apps now it's time for another talky there's no room in his heart for you

cause Doug loves movies