Doughboys - Al’s Beef with Megan Batoon & Amir Blumenfeld (LIVE)

Episode Date: June 20, 2019

Returning to the second city, the ‘boys are joined by Megan Batoon (Just a Tip with Megan Batoon) and Amir Blumenfeld (If I Were You, Buckets with Amir Blumenfeld) to review a Chicago native chain known for its Italian Beef Sandwiches, Al’s Beef. Recorded live as part of Headgum Live In Chicago at Thalia Hall, on June 14th, 2019. Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. In 1908, the Chicago Cubs became the first team in history to repeat as back-to-back World Series champions. But sadly it was another much longer streak that would come to define the organization as the Cubs subsequently slid into more than a century of mediocrity. A 108-year title drought the longest in the history of American pro sports. And in the 1930s after the team had transferred ownership to gum, kingpin, William Wrigley Jr., the depression of Cubs fans was mirrored by the Great Depression of the global economy,

which hit the Midwest meat-packing metropolis of Chicago particularly hard. But residents of the city made lemons out of lemonade, though this being Chicago, fruit was replaced with meat, as it was the scarcity of the Great Depression that led the popularity of its most famous sandwich, not counting its hot dog, the Italian beef. Consisting of an Italian roll piled with roast beef sliced to razor thin to stretch the short supply soaked in au jus and topped with hot or sweet peppers and optional cheese, the Italian beef is the kind of fattening indulgence that can only be dreamed up in the second city. In 1938 as the New Deal was pulling America into economic stability just as it was about

to be plunged into ruinous war, Al Ferrari, his sister Frances and her husband Chris Pacelli Jr., who have since made the disputed claim to have invented the sandwich themselves, opened a store front in the city's little Italy neighborhood serving Italian beef as well as sausage and hot dogs. The beloved local outlet became a shy town institution, growing over the decades and in 1999 the owner of Chicago chain Nancy's Pizza acquired the sandwich shop under the ominously named Umbrella Corporation Chicago Franchise Systems Inc. But thankfully the quality since the merger has stayed stable enough to satisfy loyalists

as the now franchise has expanded both inside and outside of the windy city, though its official business name includes the words number one Italian sandwiched in the middle, locals refer to it by its shortened name, a man and his meat. As for the cubbies, that 1908 World Series title was finally followed by another one, as the Chicago Cubs won the 2016 World Series. And no doubt after celebrating that night, alcohol soaked Cubs fans attempted to soft the booze out of their overworked livers with a hot Italian beef injection. This week on Doughboys, Al's Beef.

This is my second time in Chicago, the second time we've done shows here, there was a reaction during the intro that was the, that would I think only happen in this city, which there was an applause break for a sandwich, so thank you for that energy. Guys, we got a great show for you tonight, some great guests, but before we go any further, this week's roast is courtesy of Alex Spanko. Let me introduce my co-host, Al B. Frank Thomas, Mike Spoon Mitchell! Are you booing? My first, my immediate reaction is that they're booing at me, of course.

I mean people usually boo at these shows at some point. First of all, I just want to say Go Bears, Go Blackhawks, Go Cubs, but more importantly, Go White Talks, you fucking idiot, the Cubs. Wait, more importantly? Yeah, if you read the room! There are clearly Cubs fans out here. I think if you wanted to pander as effectively as you'd like, you should have said equally importantly.

No, those Cubs fans should get up and get the fuck out of here. Wow. Okay, now those are boo's, those are boo's now. We were here very recently in March, and one more trip and I'm done. Yeah, it will kill us. It will kill us. We're going to die in Chicago. Who is here for our March shows?

Why did you come back? Why did you return? You saw what happened. You know you get to watch a man with no charisma read a Wikipedia monologue off his phone, and then you get to watch two fat guys fight for 90 minutes. Well, our guests get drunk, and you're like, I want more of this. But no, I will say my observation about Chicago, we were here in March, we're here in June now, the weather is very different.

Wow. I'm just saying the difference in, you know, being a long time Angelino and a lifelong so Cal guy, the March and June, they're very lateral, they're similar weathers, they don't change a lot. Yeah. I'm not used to this. I know, if you left your state ever, you notice that, yeah, there's different seasons and other areas.

I'm not going to be doing that anytime soon. Mitch, I have a question I'd like to clarify. Your nickname is now Spoon, you shortened it. That's right. It's a great effect with this, this is great. Much like Facebook dropped the the, just Facebook it's cleaner, you drop the man, just Spoon, it's cleaner. But you're still coming out to the song Spoon Man, don't you need a new song?

That's a great point. What is that? What's that? Let us grab. No, we're not. No, no. God, Jesus Christ. No way.

And you will not pit me into doing the Let Us Rap on a live show, I will kill myself. No, no, no, no. No. No, no. This is, so this is also, and you saw a terrified You Song Make a Pre-Show announcement about how we're taking questions in advance and then we're kind of pre-screening them. The reason, one reason we're doing that is because we knew going into this show that we'd get three, again, staggeringly drunk people asking Mitch to do the Let Us Rap or

some version of it and we're like, we got to mix it up a little. Oh, arugula, arugula, serve it up, put that lettuce in my cup. Got some dressing and shake, shake, shake. If lager's eating, you got to bake. Let Us Rap, it's the Let Us Rap. Oh, man, what a nightmare. Who's here for the, who's like, like just like a patient, spouse or significant other who's seeing dough boys for the first time?

What the fuck is the Let Us Rap that doesn't make any sense? How confused are you on a scale of 8.5 to 10? Nick and I are just slightly less confused, by the way. Mitch, you and I, you and I, You Song traveled over here on the same flight. That's right. Go ahead. I'm just saying, it was kind of a thing we had to split up boarding-wise because you were in an earlier boarding group.

You Song and I were down in Group C, sitting in coach, two aisle seats across from each other. We barely made eye contact. And you were sitting in first class. Yeah. Look, I'm a wide guy, and there was no, there were no three seats next to each other. Right. So if there were three seats, we're just going to flop You Song in the middle, and we'd be

good to go. Right. Use them as a pillow. But I said that I would pay the difference. I knew he was going to give me shit because I flew first class, but I was in first class and I get to my seat and someone's sitting in it. Yes. And I was like, this is my seat.

And then they're like, will you just switch with us? We're like in this other road. I was like, sure. And I went to this other seat. I mean, I was pissed. I didn't say sure. I was like, fine or something. I went to the seat.

And then halfway through the flight, Nick, about an hour and 50 minutes in the flight, a woman behind me exploded in vomit, threw up all over the place, threw up on the guy next to her, and it was a fucking nightmare. Where would you have been seated relative to this person if you hadn't changed seats? I would have been sitting the farthest away from the vomit. Wow. And now you're like probably the second closest. She threw up on the back of my chair.

Wow. So you've got, because I know once on a flight before you had someone threw up on your ass. That is true. Someone has thrown up on my ass before. He looked like Weiger. That's not even a lie. He looked, I told you that when I saw him. Yeah, you did.

Yeah. He looked like Weiger. And I woke up and I'm like, my ass is wet. And then I touched it and I was like, that guy threw up on my ass. And then I was rock hard the rest of the flight. It was a nightmare. She threw up on the guy. And then the guy, he was a guy who's bigger than me and he was like, hey, I'm sitting

on your lap the rest of the flight. And I said, bring it on, buddy. And it was just, it was a fucking, it just exploded. I felt, she said she was embarrassed and I felt bad, but she really just exploded with throw up. Right. Can you get the bag for God's sakes? Yeah.

That's a weird move. I feel like as an adult, I can have a sense of when I'm going to puke. Just a surprise out of nowhere projectile vomit feels strange. They poured coffee grounds on it. So I'll never drink coffee again. It's over. We hit a Pequod for the first time last night. We did.

And we watched the Toronto Raptors win the title. We did. Yeah, we watched. We saw the end of game six there. Yeah. Quite exciting. Quite a thrilling finish. Huh?

Oh, you piece of shit. He got you. Keep yelling out teams you like, please throughout the night. Makes our job easier. Um, you were, uh, so we were there. I hadn't had this before. I've had deep dish. I've had Chicago style deep dish before, but only in Chicago one time and that was

Piquads is a, oh man, Piquads is a lot. That's just, that's just, there is so much. I can't believe, I can't, I can't believe you guys eat this shit. You eat it. It's crazy. I don't, that, that is like, sometimes you get a, you get a food and you're like, oh, this is like a once a month indulgence or like a once a year thing. This is like a once in a lifetime indulgence.

I feel like you can do this once. And then if you're doing more than that, you're going to, you're tempting fate. I loved it. I never have to eat it ever again. Yeah. It was delicious. And only in Chicago they're like, well, you know what we're going to do? We'll put cheese on outside the pizza.

They put cheese to just bake it in the cheese. Yeah. That's fucking insane. It is delicious though. So it's like, if you, if you haven't added, you're listening to this and you're, and you're not familiar with it. It's like, it's the super, super thick crust. It's got like a shitload of marinara poured on top of it.

It's got like this burnt edge crust around it. This cheese crust that Mitch referred to that is the most delectable part. A lot of times on, on a pizza, you know, of course, crust is a throwaway. People like toss that into the garbage or dip it in some ranch to try and salvage it. Should be fucking outlawed. This, this crusty, you get to the crust and it's like, oh my God, this is a delight. It's just, it's, it's wonderful. He said that out loud.

I said that out loud. And Mitch told me to sit in a different, different booth. But I will say, cause I had three slices of, of deep dish. As did I. We just had three slices of deep dish. We had a large, we took down me and Mitch and you song. And I, I feel like I ate an entire pack of hot dog buns. It was so much starch.

I can't tell you how bad I'm shaking on stage right now. After P-Quads and then Al's beef today. Yeah. I, to be honest, we're going to have to have toilets up here. We should just sit on toilets for the show. Why not? Do you think about the Toe Boys tours? We're just coming to different cities and having diarrhea in these cities.

We went after Al's beef today. I, we, we, there was a veg, there was no bathroom in Al's beef we were at. And there was a veggie grill across the street. And I went into the veggie grill and I destroyed the men's room in that veggie grill. And it was such just an innocent bystander suffering. The ill effects of my terrible diet. They, veggie grill did nothing to me. When we were walking out, they turned it to a Philly cheesesteak.

This can't be a veggie grill anymore. I know that, I know that you destroyed it because I was sitting in that veggie grill alone for like 14 minutes. And the people behind the counter was like, what does he want? Is that good? Like when you see like a stray dog wander up to you and just stare at you. You're like, what was he going to do? They were looking at you like, is this guy just mad that we exist? People should be in vegetables.

They were 100% right, I am. So, but Pequot, you, we love it, right? It was great. I loved it. It's my favorite deep dish in Chicago now. Yeah, it's really good. Mine too! What did you say? Mine too.

Mine too. I thought he said blow coon. Who's a Star Wars character? You thought he was shouting out the name of a prequels character? Yes! Yes, which meant that we were going to get shot immediately afterwards. So we'll get, we'll get like our Doughboys crowd will just channel, just call it like Seahawks and then like Ben Quadraneros, the pod racer. Hell yeah.

Jesus. So I learned something else. Yeah, Pequot's Five Forks. I learned something else about you, Mitch. Five Forks. Definitely, five forks. So we got an Uber together. Yeah. And the driver says to you. Yes.

So you're the top dog. That's right. Your Uber username is Top Dog. My Uber username is the Top Dog. I forget who I did it with, but someone was like, you can change your name to anything you want. An Uber driver was telling me. Yeah. I was like, can I change it to the Top Dog?

And he was like, you can. And so I did. And I haven't changed it back. And every, I'm embarrassed every time we get in a car. Yeah. They're like, you're the Top Dog. Because also I'm like, hi, how you doing? Yeah, your voice changes when you get in this rideshare.

Top Dog. That's my Uber name. It feels like you're betraying your cat children, but you know, whatever. You got to prioritize, say you're the Top Dog, but say you love cats. I don't know. She's pretty hypocritical to me. Okay. Do you want me to be the Top Cat?

Yeah. Be the Top Cat. Do you want me to change it to the Big Cat? That's my, ooh, there's some booze. I'll change it to the Big Cat. There already is a Big Cat, right? Yeah. It's my friend, Joe Rhonda's friend.

Well, Joe Rhonda's friend is going to be pissed. He's going to stop the shit out of you. Well, what the fuck am I supposed to change it to? The Top Cat. Okay, spoon. Cat? Did someone just yell, oh, cat? Oh, I got it.

Cat. That doesn't help. It's pretty good. It's the best suggestion so far. Ow. What happened? I hit my fucking tooth on the damn microphone. You tried to take a bite out of it again.

Thought it was a candy apple. This keeps happening. Candy apple? Why not ice cream cone or anything that would work there? Because I think I said ice cream cone before when you did the same thing at a different show. Fucking mic. They should have soft tips.

What the fuck? Well... Well... TPD name, hashtag Mitch... I was going to say you and I have soft tips. Yeah, well, yeah. We make that for the mics. Hashtag Mitch new Uber name if you got an idea

for what it should be. Tweet it out now. You guys can get a start and people listening to this at home. Yonder bags. Yonder bags? Oh, that's right. We were going to do a bit. We forgot to do that.

You forgot to do it? Yeah. We were going to do a bit where we were going to... Do you guys know what the yonder bags are? They do like these stand up shows. We had a show where they made the audience do it. It was weird. They make stand up shows where they make like Dave Chappelle do a set

and they'll make everyone put their phones into a sealed bag that you can't open until the show is over. So we were going to do a bit where we were going to do that but just for you songs phone. But then we forgot to do it. And I think that titter reaction makes us realize it was not worth doing so. No, but the dry breakdown of it was.

Every good joke needs a 90 second explanation. Mitch, should we introduce our guests? 100%. Let's get them out here. It's overdue. Let's get some energy on stage. First up. Oh, shit!

What happened? What happened? Oh, wow. You nearly blew it. And I got a little drop for you. Emma Texamy, do your drop. Take it away, guys. Thank you.

Hey folks, I've been to Chicago and I'll speak to it. I've seen greatness at Soldier Field. I've taken a Wendella boat cruise down the canal and into the great lake that's here. I watched the fireworks on the fourth of July over Lake Chicago. Mitch, it sounds like you're delivering the monologue from the end of Blade Runner.

That's that. Nick, that's from our old friend, Shampooodler. Wow, Shampooodler's back. Hope you had a nice 420 on Easter Sunday. I'm excited for your 200th episode. I made a drop for you based on your Blade Runner speech during the Brotillo's episode. Oh, that worked out well for our...

I mean, you got to it two months later, but that worked out well for our Chicago episode. So how about that? Shampooodler's back. Mitch... Let's get to our guests. It's headgum weekend. We got some headgum all-stars with us, guys.

We're very excited. First up. The host of Just a Tip with Megan Batoon. Give it up for Megan Batoon! Let's give it up for Megan Batoon! Next up, the host of If I Were You and Buckets, Amir Bluenfeld! Guys, thank you so much for joining us

and sitting through all that nonsense. We're also... So I want to start with just sort of talking about Chicago in general terms. Megan, you're from Florida, yes? I am, yes. Jacksonville? You were telling us?

Yeah, it keeps getting worse. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

You're telling us? Yeah, it keeps getting worse. And Amir... One person. Amir, a lifelong Angelino. Correct. So have you both been to Chicago before? Yes.

Yes. How do you think... As far as food cities... I feel like I'm on trial. Are you trying... Are both of you lying? There should be a lie detector behind us. Ah, yes.

The last time I was here I was dating someone was my first time seeing it with open eyes. Wow. Yeah. Did he... Wow, yes. Sounds like a good guy. Mitch has yet to see it with open eyes.

Motherfucker. Amir, you've made some prior visits to the Windy City? Yeah, some family trips, some shows. Always had a great time in Chicago. Great people. Great crowds. Delicious food. Terrible weather.

Awesome friends. Good times. Let's talk food a little bit. Because you've got the Chicago dogs. And some of this we got today and we'll discuss in the course of breaking down our meal at Owl's Beef, which we have a lot of thoughts on. But do you have anything you go to when you visit Chicago?

Any particular meals that stand out in your past where you're like, ah, this is the reason I love coming here. This is the kind of thing I want to chomp on when I'm in Chi Town. God, you're a fucking dork. I zoned out. I'm on stage. And I just zoned out looking into the audience. You bore me so much in five seconds.

You're supposed to be listening to what I'm saying. I know. I'm saying it's hard to because you bore me. Why don't you... You ask a question then. When you're in the city limits, what's your munchin' on? Shut up. Fine.

What's your brilliant query? Well... You better portillos. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm chomping on all the time. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. And this was amazing to learn.

You hit up portillos today before you joined us at Owl's Beef. That's right. It was the first time I've ever had a freezer for Owl's Beef. It was. It worked. What did you get from portillos? What was your... Let me tell you, and I'll tell you really slow.

Everybody close your eyes. Okay. I had the Italian dipped beef. With sweet... What did I have? Sweet peppers. He's like, I wasn't there. Sweet peppers, fries, and the nacho cheese,

and you dip all the shit in it. And oh my God, it's the best. You can't talk about food in a sexy voice like that in front of me. I went cross-eyed and almost fell over. Well, I told everyone to close their eyes, so it should have been closed regardless. Yeah, I had my eyes closed for a second.

It sounded like I was listening to a radio ad. I was taken away. I do have that voice. Was that your radio ad voice? That's my radio voice. Radio man on the radio. Talking about radio things. Weather is a blustery 85.

The high winds coming in from the north and traffic is a mess out there, so be careful getting home on your commute. We got the fucking great band coming up. It shouldn't have cost. I'm gonna lose my license, all right. Give it up for Dave Matthews Band. It's marching.

The audience is gonna wake up in a sweaty nightmare tonight. Hearing that voice again. Jesus. I loved it. Amir, you got any food go-tos? Any great meals in your past? You know, oddly enough, I don't like deep dish pizza. It's too much for me. It's too thick.

It's a lot, and I think I've heard that opinion from some Chicagoans. Any Chicagoans out there, this is a safe space, dude, to have that opinion. Any Chicagoans who don't like deep dish pizza, go ahead and make your voices heard. That's good. It's brave. It's proud. It's hard to do that. It's hard to admit it.

I'm getting the living shit beaten out of them. Jesus Christ. Yeah, what do you mean it's a safe space? You're gonna go protect them? They're fucked. Yeah, deep dish pizza too much. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's like a lasagna on top of a pizza,

on top of a cheese. I can't handle that much. It's so much bottom part. The bottom part is so dense. How many pizzas are in a deep dish pizza, would you say? It feels like three pizzas, three regular pizzas. More, I would think. It's like a pizza under and on top of a calzone.

So how much is that five pizzas? It's like a slice of bread is or a bagel is seven slices of bread. Oh, I didn't know that man. That feels like this. That feels like the same rate. Maybe I'm thinking of dog ears either way. It's a lot. It's a lot of shit in the shit.

And you, how do you eat it? How are you supposed to eat it? What's the correct way with a spoon? Knife and fork, apparently. I told knife and fork. You can just. Boo, yeah. I like that.

You use the knife and fork, you coward. I'm saying I like that they're booing us for using a knife and fork. Okay. How do you not? Who else are you supposed to eat it though? Like, it's like eating French onion soup with your hands. It's way, it's too much. It's too much.

It's too much sauce. The Pequod's crust was not soggy. I was shocked. It's a sturdy crust all the way through. It was impressive. Yeah, it really was. It was impressed. It really holds up.

It takes 45 minutes to, to beg at a long, long time. What were you saying? I was going to say it's like a crouton in a soup. It's just like how it stays dry amongst the sauce and the cheese. Anyway, we're not here to talk deep dish. Have you ever had a time where the mozzarella was too hot and it got stuck in your throat and you thought you were going to die? More than I can even tell you.

My morning ritual. Killed by cheese. That would be like, that would be a fitting fate for both of us. Yes. That would be on our gravestones. Yeah. Yeah, they choked to death on mozzarella. Gravestones?

Gravestones? Yeah. Do we have tombstone pizzas? Fucking our graves. Yours will be choked on cheese amongst other things. For our guests, Nick and Suckers on Dick. We don't have to, you didn't have to be that. And has.

Is there any other way? Like you can, but you've never done it. You have to prove it. It can't only work in theory. Do you guys, so we had a big, big beef meal. How are you as beef eaters? Do you like beef? I love it.

I love how wide your mouth goes when you say the word beef. I over articulated it. I'm sorry. Beaves. I love beaves. The more the merrier. Stay a hamburger. Right.

Can't make it poor. What's the worst beef? What would you say? There isn't one. You know what? You gotta rank it an order. I feel like if I get like a, sometimes if I get a, no, I've had some bad tri-tip. I think tri-tip is good, but I've had some bad tri-tip.

I feel like sometimes like a flank steak can be kind of disappointing. Like dry and over. Yeah. Like it's not, it's not, it's not great. But I don't know, it's hard to go wrong. So many great beef preparations. You guys got a favorite? I mean burgers for me.

I feel like I'm on a bad first date. No. Amir. Amir, you're simply on a bad podcast. Give me a steak any night of the week. Amir, my right? Fuck yeah. Yeah, dude.

You are. I'm serious. I don't give a shit. What's your cut of meat? What do you go with for a steak? I like a bone-in ribeye. Oh my God. Yes.

That's a great steak. Thanks man. We, our Uber driver the other night, remember how much he scared us about beef? Yeah, it was crazy. It was insane. It was like. Was it a chicken? Yeah.

Some sort of reverse Chick-fil-A ad you were in. We were getting driven to Pequod's and our Uber driver was a vegetarian. Yes. And he doesn't eat beef at all. And then he was like, you know when you eat beef, it stays in your body. What did he say? For 72 hours. For 72 hours.

Also every other food. Right. So that doesn't scare me, bro. The digested system. He did sort of talk about it was the sort of, it felt like they got us someone to scare us straight because he was just talking about nutrition and out of nowhere hired this man. But yeah, he just talked about how he basically had gone vegan. I think except for eggs and the occasional piece of fish.

Although he doesn't have much fish and like his health completely transformed and like he doesn't get sick anymore. And like he feels so much for this guy was super lean. Like he looked great. He looked fantastic. We both look like shit. I was just like, he's getting booze and applause. He's like the Cubs.

We were absorbing all this. And he was telling us this as he was literally going to drop us off at Pequod. So just like the exact opposite. He was saying like, no, Dairy, Dairy will kill you. You're going to get like die very horribly. And then drop us off at this pizza place. And we each like, we took down a large. It was insane.

Yeah. Little did he know he was talking to you guys who want to die. Megan, you got a favorite type of beef. Oh, brisket Korean barbecue brisket. Wow. Oh, and you cook it till it's like crisp and charcoal and almost inedible. That's when it's the best. Yeah.

I love the crusties on. Yeah. The crusties. Give me some crusties. I love, I love the birds. I love little bird pieces pieces of beef. Right. No one's surprised by that.

I don't have to say that for you guys. Filet Mignon, Nick, I think is can be one of the worst. It's a little overrated. It's overrated. Yeah. I think so. What's your beef with filet mignon? Yeah.

It just can get it like it's like the kind of, it's a lot of times the most expensive steak and I just like, I feel like it under delivers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a, give me a ribeye any day. Well, let's, let's, let's dig into the, but it won't under deliver. If you go to Gibson's Steakhouse here in Chicago.

That's right. Gibson's. Or Michael Jordan's Steakhouse here in Chicago. Why would they boo Michael Jordan? Michael Jordan? You don't like Jordan? What the fuck's going on? They hate the Hornets.

Yeah. You guys are mad at the Hornets organization for drafting Frank Kaminsky so high. You don't like his, you don't like his blue jeans. What are you mad at Jordan? You guys are Pippin fans. Is that's what's going on? We got some Horace Grant stands out there. Stands.

And we're in here's all in for Will Perdue. Rodman. Oh, Dennis Rodman. Oh, Rod. The worm. The worm himself. Let's keep naming nineties basketball players. Oh, please.

Gladly. Olden Paulines. How long do we have? I met Olden Paulines once. Did you really? We'll talk offline. Wow. I am, I am riveted.

I'm a big O. Let's talk about the, the beef chain, the beef topic at hand. Al's number one Italian beef. Mitch, I believe you're the only one who's had this before. Am I correct? That's right. That's right. Everyone else is an original.

It was a, it was their maiden voyage to Al's beef like myself. Well, we went to a, a, the location we picked was a. No. Why did you just say no? The location we picked is incorrect. The location we went to was a one that was, it was closest to the hotel. It was a three star Yelp location. Is that okay?

Yes. I mean, no, it's not okay. Look, I got mad at Nick. That doesn't sound like you. We went to Al's. Should I get into it? Yeah. That's what I was just doing.

You weren't listening. You're talking about me for, like it's my fault for not holding your attention. You didn't listen to me saying, let's talk about Al's beef right now. Should we get into it? Yes, Amir. I'll be nicer to you. We went to Al's beef and it was the most fucked up looking Al's beef I've ever seen in my entire life.

How many of you see it? You've seen one other one. I've seen like three other ones. Okay. I pressed my face against the window and a guy came out and squeezed my face off of it. What would you say it looked like? This Al's beef?

It looked like an off track bedding a little bit. Yeah. There were boxes and wrappers everywhere. Right. And not the cool kind of wrappers. No. Plastic wrapping. Not like sandwich wrappers.

There was also those two. No, not minus wraps. God, no. Please, no. He already did it. We did it once. I'm not doing it again. No, fuck you.

No. Weiger will do one. No, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. We got in there and the first thing you see was that there was a wet towel on the counter. Right. The soda machine had three sodas that were sold out. Yes.

Sold out. We went to make our orders. We ordered a hamburger. They were out of burgers. As a whole. As a whole. Yeah. Burgers were gone.

They were just out of ground beef. They were out of ground beef. I said hot peppers. They were out of hot peppers. Yeah. And I got so mad. I was ready to leave. And we were fighting in front of you two like parents fight.

Right. Megan and I just staring at each other. It was a fucking awful Al's beef. Yeah. We won't say where it is because I feel bad. Yeah, because you guys can, you guys know this. You guys have eaten at all Al's beefs. You can figure it out.

The first review I looked on the up in the first review was this is the worst Al's beef. Why did you choose this Al's beef? It was the closest one to the hotel. Motherfucker. I feel like. Stop being a computer. Be a human for fuck's sake. A chain that is a franchise that has multiple locations.

We should assess its consistency. Right. And it should be able to deliver the same product to different places. That's one that you like about the chains you like. Like Wendy's and McDonald's Taco Bell. They have consistency. There's something wrong with this one. There's clearly something wrong with it.

And the workers there were very nice. The guy helped us make our orders. He was great. He was super nice. He was great. I don't blame the workers. It's the franchise owner as always. And just someone was just completely phoning it in.

I don't know if this place was understaffed. He just wasn't giving them, keeping it clean, whatever it was. It was a poorly managed Al's beef. But nevertheless, that's where we were. That's where we started eating. So let's. Started eating. Let's get into it.

We should have walked out. Like that HBO movie, Walkout. We should have walked out of there. What are they walking out of in that movie? Something just as important as this. Do we have Wi-Fi on here? Hold on. HBO.

Oh, Jesus. Walkout. My beaky is not working. It's sticky. Hold on. Huh. I got ice. Calm down.

He's typing in boobs. And just looking at photos of upside down calculators and say 8008. This guy's giving you his money. What is it? What are you doing? Oh, Wi-Fi. We're on the Wi-Fi. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Whoa, he threw in a huff. He's pissed. You don't be mad. That was a nice gesture. No, he's right. Fuck you, Wiger.

He was sitting on a Wi-Fi. He was sitting on a Wi-Fi password, hoping to fucking God that you had a computer, but you didn't have it. He threw it down onto the electronic equipment down there. This may start the next Chicago Fire. Oh, my. You know, as I was researching, I told you this, Mitch, and I almost put it in my intro. I decided against it.

But as we were, as I was researching Chicago history, there was a war, like a more lethal fire than the Great Chicago Fire in 1903. The Iroquois Theater Fire killed twice as many people. People are cheering it. And no one talks about it. It's just like, that's crazy. Like the Great Chicago Fire, everyone in the country knows. The Iroquois Theater Fire, I bet like half of the people who live in Chicago don't know

about it. They're all dead. If this theater burned down with you and I and all these Doe Voice fans, it would be a celebration in the streets of Chicago. We like to end a fucking return of the Jedi. If all of Chicago burned down, that Al beef is so moist that it would survive the fire. Everything went that one Al's beef. We went to will stand.

It's like the cockroach that inherits the earth. Who did? Oh, he's saying because I'm an old I'm an old man that I survived the 1903 Chicago Fire. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to yell that out. We all appreciate it. If anyone else has like a half thought out quip, they just want to share at any point. Feel free to do to just yell it.

And then I will try to parse it and explain it so everyone can enjoy it. Okay, so walk out the HBO movie was about a group of student activists from East Los who decided try to change the way their school system is run. They are it seems like there's a lot of close. This is pretty important. Yeah, it seems like there's a lot of anti-Latino discrimination going on. Don't get too into it for God's sakes. Anyway, that's what that movie was about, which I didn't know about before you reference it.

Okay, so yeah, it was the guy was there was super nice, but the restaurant the eatery was kind of a mess. Let's get into the food. We got a regular beef. We got two sandwiches. We ordered both of them dipped. Is that right? That's right. Wow.

There's dipped and then there's wet. There's dipped and there's wet, which is difference there. Wet has sauce poured on it and dipped has the whole sandwich dunked in the au jus. Correct? Yeah, that's the distinction. So what is not dipped? What is not dipped? But can you get wet and dipped?

I think if you get it dipped, it's already wet. Yeah. Right? That would make sense. Who's on first bid? Who's on first if it was Abbott and Abbott? So you get two sandwiches. I can say like dipped sounds gross, but wet is gross.

Wet is grosser. I don't want to say I don't want to say I don't like saying it now. Well, you don't like saying what? Wet. Oh, why? It's a weird word. Fair enough. He's a dry man.

I'm a dry guy. Natalie calls you the dry guy. So we got, we only had one choice of peppers again, as Mitch said, sweet peppers and provolone. So despite ordering two sandwiches the exact same way, they gave us one of them dry. We got a dry sandwich, so that was the first misfire. But I guess let's start here because this is what this place is known for. What did you guys think of these beef sandwiches? Italian beef sandwiches.

Pour? Fine. We got one pour from Amir, one fine from Megan. What are your guys' thoughts on them? What specifically didn't they deliver? Well, the one that was supposed to be dipped was not dipped. Yeah, that was a big problem. And then so I went up to go get the au jus because you got to have it.

And then so I poured it on the dry sandwich, but it wasn't the same because I did the work. So I was like, I don't like this. That was wet, not dipped. Yeah. I ruined it myself. And it just didn't look appetizing in that little cup you got. She got like a little cup of it. It was burning your hands as you barred to the table.

It was a fucking nightmare. It really was. I feel like there was one slice of provolone on the bottom of that that was just like completely, like it had melted completely to the bottom that you couldn't really taste it. And then there was, Mitch, on your sandwich, I believe there was one pepper, yes? A single pepper. On my beef, there was one single pepper. Just one.

And I was like, this is crazy. I went up to the counter. I was like, excuse me, sir, there's one pepper. And then he went, we have hot peppers now. You want them? I said, yes. And he filled it up with hot pepper after that. And it was in that.

So it helped a little bit. That helped a little bit. I'll say that the sandwich, like I enjoyed it. I thought, like, okay, I get why people come here for this. The dry one, yeah, was not. It just like, it needs that moisture because the meat is so, is not high quality. And the roll is like dense. It's just like, there's a lot going on.

But the dip sandwich, especially once you added those hot peppers, I thought was delightful. And I was like, oh, this is good. I get why people are into this. Mitch, what did you think? I was, I was okay with it. I think it's funny that Chicago has a sandwich that if it wasn't like wet, it would be so much harder to eat. So you're right. Wet it up.

You can shove it down the throat. Easy. I can't believe. Do people eat shit like that? I come. Oh, Chicago blows my mind. You guys are fucking freaks. Kobayashi style.

Just like, yeah. I had no. I got my own sandwich. Weigler. Weigler wanted to split a sandwich, but the wet beef, they're not good to split. They're grow. They're kind of gross. I mean, they're just like wet and loose and kind of it's weird.

They're weird sandwiches. Knives. Knives exist. You just, you just wanted your own sandwich. I did want my own sandwich. Okay. It's fine. They're not easy to cut when they're wet like that.

It's hard when the bread is as wet as the meat, right? One consistency. It gets very, very mushy. That's a good word. Mushy is by the way, this was the best of the meal. It was the best. This is a highlight. Oh my God.

It only gets worse and much worse. Yeah. It starts at a C minus and then it failed the rest of them. I will say, the only thing I'll say to the contrary is we got a Chicago dog and a Chicago Polish. And I thought both of those were pretty good. I enjoyed the hot dogs we got. So those come loaded with the mustard, which you don't like making.

You're not a mustard van. I don't. I scraped it off. I scraped everything off and I just had the meat. This is probably wrong, but I did like, well, I put the meat in the nacho cheese. I topped everything with nacho cheese. Yes. Which I thought was very cool move.

Thank you so much. And I also stole your scraped off monster. It's got to go somewhere. So yeah. And it's got that neon relish, which it was one of you observed that you could see it through the bun. Yeah. It felt like it would glow in the dark.

Yeah. It was so, it's so, so green. It was all pudding. It was bright. It was like a leftover from like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles promo that they ran in 1992, where the ooze was still throbbing bright green through the bun. Why is that? What did you did?

We were going to look up. We were going to look this up. Oh, I was supposed to look this up. What makes it neon? Why is it so green? Why so green? Why is neon relish so green? Just type why so green?

Why so green? See what comes up. Why so green? And then do why so serious? I missed that gift. Why so green brought up the color psychology of green. This is from Very Well Mind. Success.

Green, which is nature's color, is restful, soothing, cheerful, and health giving. Jesus fuck. I thought it was the horny color. Isn't that the horny, like M&Ms, like make green M&Ms make you horny? Is that right? I thought that was a thing. Green M&Ms make you horny? Wasn't that a thing?

This sounds like a fuck. This sounds like a weird Weigurr playground lie. Hold on. Green M&Ms make you horny as you're eating green M&Ms in front of the kids. Horny. First link, do you remember when people thought green M&Ms made you horny? By Nick Weigurr. That's the plus theater.

And it's got that hot ass green M&M that's sexy. She is hot. She'd be fair. Wait, it's because the green M&M is a lady? Yeah. Is that why it makes people horny because she's the lady? I think that predates it, but that's part of the reason why they decided to... You looked back like it was about to go up on the screen.

People were reacting like there was something up there. So I was like, did someone... I didn't even know they could change what's being projected. M&Ms on, can we get the green M&M lady on that big screen? And... We've got to see her. And preferably a not safe for work one. Hold on.

Try not to come at the same time. Yeah! Oh, this is a dangerous game. A desktop on the screen. I'm frightened. See if you can figure that out. That doesn't need to happen right away. Or need to happen.

It has to happen. And if you do get it up there... No, never mind. Just let them go back to watching you Google. Oh, wait. How is it neon? So, okay. Chicago style relish.

Hold on. Yeah. Why so neon? By adding blue dye to regular pickle relish. Why do we need that? Why do they do that? We don't need that. Why not green?

Yeah, that makes sense. There you go. Blue and yellow together make green. That's how primary colors work. Right. But is relish yellow? Right. Pickles are yellow.

Pickles are yellow. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, honorary fourth panelist. Pickles are yellow. Sure. Yeah. Pickles are green.

I'm going to stand firm against that heckler. Just because you yelled it doesn't mean it's right. In fact, I have a microphone. I can yell louder still. So I will say that the... Here was a weird thing that happened just with the dogs. And I think meat-wise, the Polish I liked a little bit more than the dog, but they were both...

They're kind of lateral. They have also got sport peppers. What did you like better, Polish or Italian? We didn't get the Italian yet. Oh, all right. I mean, we can bring it up now. Well, never... I'm sorry, I was just having fun.

The Italian one we got... No one here is having fun. First, tell me what you like better, the Polish or the Italian dog, and then what you like better, Polish or Italian people. I like the... I prefer the Polish dog, but that was partly because our Italian sausage sandwich was at debacle. But the...

Just the Chicago dog came packed with fries without us asking. Did they just come like that? Yes, they were... Yeah. I kind of liked it. Just get bonus fries. Totally. The presentation is bad.

Bad. Yeah. They wrap up the dog and the fries in one big clump. And it's... Oh, never mind. Oh, you like that. That's interesting. They're cheering on the clumps.

That's what that was. Which one is the one that was drier than the dry sandwich, which was very dry? That was the Italian sausage sandwich, which was on Italian roll and came with nothing. It just comes with nothing? It came with nothing. You're asking that for me?

Oh, I don't know. I mean... All right. It came with absolutely nothing on it. It came with absolutely nothing on it. Bone dry. It was just a big old log of meat inside this dense roll, and it wasn't...

It didn't work. It was peculiar. Yeah. I thought the meat tasted all right, though. The meat was fine. Yeah. Did you prefer the Italian sausage or the Polish? Yeah.

And I like Italians more than Polish people. Wow. The tracks. Just kidding. Polish people. Yeah. Oh, wait. Are you booing me because that's bad to say?

I can't tell if you want me to say Polish, Italian, or I shouldn't say any of this. None of these buzz. Good fucking cancel me. Fuck you. Yusong, where is this problematic Eminem? He's working on it. He needs more time.

You can't do it? He's photoshopping one right now. He's taking some personal time before he shows everybody. I do like now that at least Yusong's Google has green Eminem naked searched. It auto-filled. Green. Did you mean...

Mitch. Rob Grunkowski is the second youngest son of Gordon Grunkowski and Diane Walters and is of Polish descent. All right, a point for the Polish people. But what about Adam Vinietari? Oh, dang. He went to the Colts, though.

Fuck the Colts. We can all agree on that. I don't know what you people want tonight. You're confusing me. The lettuce wrap, fuck you. I did it once and I came out okay. The Italian sausage was bad, but I think the part of the meal that I would characterize

as an abacle was the tamale boat. Fuck that. Now, you hear the phrase tamale boat and you're like, that's a good time. I'd love to hop on board the tamale boat. Wait, hold on. All aboard. You would like to all aboard.

You would like to hop on an actual tamale boat? It just sounds like fun. It does sound like fun. You could be the skipper, Gilligan. He does hit me with his hat. Yeah, so the tamale boat is, it's tamales smothered in beanless chili, topless sharp cheddar cheese and a bunch of raw onion.

I love this in theory. Megan knocked it out of the park. You had the best description of how this tasted. It tasted like a grill and that's it and nothing. And I'm wondering if it would have tasted better if they didn't forget it. Do you remember that? They forgot it.

They definitely forgot it. And we were like, oh my God, we don't have our tamale boat. And I go, I'll fix this. And I almost wish I didn't. Because I think we would have a better time if I didn't try and save the day. You 100% that didn't make the day worse.

It was awful. And also she was 100% right. I was like, it tastes like a grill. And then I took a bite of it and I was like, it tastes like a fucking grill. It tasted like a grill. Is it possible there was not a tamale in there? Yes.

Because I didn't ever feel resistance in my fort. I think there was just charcoal. It tasted so much like a fucking, it was fucking awful. It was just a mushy burnt character that honestly overwhelmed the chili. Even with all that chili and cheese on top of it,

that was what, that was the only flavor you got was just like burn. It was, it was really bad. It was truly one of the worst things I've eaten. It's maybe the worst thing I've ever had on Doe Boys. It really, it really was. Truly, truly awful. It is one of the worst things.

One of the worst things we've ever fucking eaten. It also looked bad. It looked awful. It looked awful. It was served in a styrofoam container. They don't give a shit. They'll go foam. They don't give a shit at all at Al's Beef.

They were like, when you're done with that, you're going to light it on fire outside. That's how we made the tamale boats. Burn foam in foam with chunks of raw onion, way too big to eat. So bad. I could feel, you know when you taste, and you can feel it just traveling down your body.

It went around my cheese clot. Yeah. And I could just feel it like, and then like you could feel it like going out into like your hand, like I could feel like the veins in my hands. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to be shitting for days. And then that's all that happened.

We got back to the Airbnb, and I never, I went to the bathroom for four hours, and then we came here. Yeah. No, you took a nap. You also took a nap. That's the other thing that you did. On the toilet.

Yeah. I took a nap on the toilet. Yeah. Oh man. We skipped over one thing though, and that was, Holy shit. Oh my God.

Here she is. Oh shit. The biggest pop of the show is for that hot ass green M&M. I'm looking out in the audience right now and people are out of control horny. The sexy green M&M is on the giant screen projected behind us.

You Song and Emma are on stage throwing rolls of paper towels into the audience. Oh my God. People are slipping and sliding all over the place. They're scissoring each and every one of them. Thank God there's an even amount of people in here. Scissoring and eating Al's beef at the same time. That's how we do it in Chicago.

Oh You Song, you got a text. It's your father. It's a job offer from a different podcast. I'll probably accept this. So this is an important detail you skipped over Mitch. So after we'd finished our meal, we're just sort of sitting there kind of in shock. I'm shoveling some fries.

Can I say something? People are bad. I think you might have to leave the M&M up there. Oh my God. There we go. The one thing they all agree on. And if you ask me, not quite not safe enough for work for me.

This isn't a fucking 21 and up show. We're not going to put a fucking NSFW spread eagle green fucking M&M hentai up there. What boo? Yeah, you are rightfully booed. What child is here right now? And why? We're not going to do it. Is there, are there children here?

Crowd surf them to the back and You Song put up a dirty M&M pic. Dirty M&M pic. I want the next M&M to be pink. Jesus Christ. Oh come on. I'm not thinking it. Or skittle or whatever the fuck.

So we'd finished our meal. We're sitting there in shock where I'm shoveling some fries. Like I'm taking a chaser after a shot to get the taste of that awful tamale boat out of my mouth. And an elderly woman comes up to our table to just Mitch doesn't address anyone else

puts like literally like to whisper just to him and guard their conversation from everybody puts her hand over her mouth and whispers something in his ear and then leaves. Disappeared. I can't divulge what she said. The fate of the earth depends upon it.

This is your lost in translation moment and it happened in an owls' beef. We were saying that either I was sitting you guys are ghosts and I was sitting alone or she was a ghost and you didn't see her at all. It was strange. It's like she almost fixated on you of like okay this big guy in the flannel shirt

he's the guy who's gonna want to hear my food opinion. I'm like why did she just pick you? It was so strange. She liked me. She thought you were fucking square. I don't know. She whispered to me she said is this better than Portillo's? And I said ma'am it's not better than Portillo's.

And And she said I didn't get one. She said I looked at the menu and then I didn't get one. She was sitting there though for a very long time. And then she decided not to get one. It was very bizarre. She was reading a newspaper from 1988 for what seemed like three hours.

Eyes rolling back into her head. So we finished this. We parted ways with Megan and Amir and Mitch insisted on taking me to a different Al's beef. It's true. Hell yeah. Alright I'll take it this time. So I hop into an Uber with the top dog and we go over to the Al's beef you'd been to previously Mitch.

You were like you vouched for this Al's beef. The one across from the veggie grill. And the guy's laughing at me because I couldn't open my beer. That's the biggest laugh you've given us tonight you piece of shit. This fucking blues fan. Wait that's the old lady. Oh my god. She wrote the Yelp review.

It's all coming back. So the first thing we ordered was an Al's burger and they had burgers at this location. This burger comes with mayo, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, red onion and kosher pickles. We also got a little beef. Again we'd eaten a gigantic meal at this point. We got another tamale boat.

We did and that's the thing we landed on. We got a little beef which is wet hot peppers and provolone and then we also got another tamale boat just to see is this supposed to taste like soft charcoal or is this supposed to taste like something else. So with two visits to Al's beef is that above or below average for a Chicago one in a day? The over under is two and a half.

But there's still time. So I will say this. We got cheese on that burger too. We got cheese on that burger. That burger was great. The burger was fucking fantastic. Really good just like grilled fast food burger. I loved it.

And the little beef was like, I was like oh this is what it's supposed to be even though that was the best thing we'd had at the other one because that's what they do. This little beef with the hot peppers and the provolone and again an ample amount of provolone nice and wet it was fucking delicious. You like that beef sandwich but the other one right?

It was better than the other one. It was fucking great. It was better. If this had been my maiden voyage I would have been like oh I get why this place, why people think this place is awesome. The tamale boat was good. It was weird.

It's a weird thing to have a tamale with chili on top of it. It did not taste like a grill. It didn't taste like a grill. So was there a tamale in our tamale boat? I mean I took a picture of it and it looked like there was a tamale. I saw that sort of corn texture on the outside. It looked like an actual tamale in there. I don't know how much meat was inside of it

but this one definitely had a tamale and it was so much better. This was 200% better. It was crazy what a different experience it was. I feel like we didn't have it. I feel like we didn't have the right Al's beef. We said number one on the sign. It did say but since when?

I blowed dust off of it and it says number ten. I knew it. That's the most realistic joke that there would be dust on it. There was a sign that said dining room only available to customers but the dining was misspelled as dinning and instead of reprinting they just put a black piece of tape over the second end.

And there was multiple of them. Yeah, just reprint Al. So that was a wonderful, it was a very good experience. I was surprised by how much better it was. A lot of variance between individual locations here which I guess is just a thing you have to know and check the reviews on whatever review site you use to make sure you're going to the right one.

Don't go to the one that's labeled the worst Al's beef. How was the company at the second one versus the first? Just out of curiosity. That old lady came out to me and whispered something my year again. She'll never leave you. There were no wet rags on the counter. Every soda was in stock. Were there tables that were bigger than were meant to be had

by one or two people? At the first place it was like nobody's eating here with more than just one party. That doesn't exist. We crammed four to a one top. We had a chair for our drinks. That's how small the table was. We had to use a side chair as a table.

It was a fucking nightmare, people. It was the Port Authority in New York of Al's beef. It was a bus depot. It was a shower. It was a dirty sink of a restaurant. Fucking sucked. Just say the fucking address. I'm serious.

I'm done with this anonymity bullshit. We can believe it on the podcast when we release it. Oh, no. Does anybody know for sure? Does anyone have an idea? That guy does. Wait, wait. Yes, someone said it.

Wabash is correct. Wow. Wabash is correct. Very bad. The second one we went to was near rock and roll McDonald's. Right. Huh? We can't hear you individually.

Let us wrap. So, Nick, let's get to our reviews. How's it going? Wow. Are they chanting for the M picture? She is hot. She is hot. Such low res.

Even pixelated. She is fine. She's standing in front of Mario Kart's Koopa beach. Oh, man. All right. Let's get to our reviews. We'll each go around. We'll give a summation of our experience at Al's beef and then give this a fork score

from zero to five forks. Mitch, you're the only one of us who's been on multiple occasions. Prior to today, you can start us off. Your review, your fork score of Al's beef. Nick, you fucked up so much. Hold on. First off, if you're going to throw me under the bus, I'm going to pass the buck and throw you song under the bus.

Yes. Because our producer, you song, is who picked that Al's beef location. And I'm throwing you song on the unemployment line. You're fucking fired. That was a horrible first. It was really bad. We got mad at each other and I was kind of yelling at you under my breath in front of our guests here.

You were mad at me last night. I was mad at you for a while. Yeah. We went to the store today and you annoyed me. I don't know. That was my favorite part of the day. We had a night. We had a lovely walk to the grocery store.

This guy bought like a gallon of yogurt. We're here till Sunday. I didn't get a gallon. You got a gallon of yogurt. Don't be hyperbolic. I did not get a gallon. It had a fucking handle. It did not have a handle.

It had a handle. I saw the handle. It was a large container and if you look on the, look on the servings like the, the fucking nutrition info, it has three servings. We're here three days. I'm going to have our breakfast three times. I'm going to finish that yogurt. Oh, you're cheering them.

If we get trapped in the house, we can live off this yogurt bucket for at least a month or so. It was fucking gigantic. We'll be eating you song within six hours. He's not even, he's not even looking up from his laptop. Are you just looking at the M&M? Holy shit. He's transfixed on it.

She's looking at me. Melt it in your mouth. Boys. All right. I'll tell you. Oh man. I like Al's beef a lot. I've had it before.

I really like Al's beef. Just the name. Just the name is bad. This was one of the worst dough boys experience experiences. This one restaurant. This first one was very bad. This particular restaurant was bad. And then I got mad at you.

You were in the restaurant. You ordered veggie grill across the street. I had to have a dinner later. This is the thing we talked about. You got mad at me before the, before even got to Chicago. I said, Hey Mitch, I think we should make an effort to eat healthier here when we're not eating meat. I think we should make an effort to eat healthier here when we're not eating for

the podcast. And so we just both feel like shit the whole time. That's right. Eating in awful places. And what do we do? The first thing we would get off the plane would go straight to peak wise. You insisted on it. Cause I'm the top dog, motherfucker.

Oh man. I feel so sick. I'm not lying to you. I feel the most sick I've ever felt doing a show. Oh my God. And it comes from the fact that we went to this one place and we ate those tamales and I went back for another bite even after I knew it tasted like a grill. You're a big eater and you ate like a Chicago in for 24 hours and you're near death.

I'm near death. I knew, and that's why when we were there, you ordered your, what is it called? Also, by the way, you're asking why I'm upset. Why are you nonchalantly drops to me on the way here? Hey, I'm going to move to Denver. He told me he's moving to Denver and he's not joking. I might do it. That's insane.

Hello. We can do the podcast from there. He's never been to Denver, but he doesn't like to travel and I know him and he does weird things like that. He's going to move. I just don't want you to move my friend. Wow. Fucking suckers.

Moving is like traveling once. That's why you want to do it. That's true. You don't have to go back. Let's hear your review. Whatever. That's a bomb. I thought.

No one cares. They live elsewhere. They don't care where I live. They care where their podcast host lives. You're so Cal guy. You're going to move to Denver. I don't know. Maybe you should move to Denver.

You should move to Chicago, right? Everybody. Al's beef was terrible. Denver's awesome. It was, but the other Al's beef is awesome. And, but this experience was so, so bad. I'm sweating right now. That mean I would sweat anyways, but I was sweating more than I would as soon as we got

out of there and we, I went back, I went back to our Airbnb and I just have, I felt like complete shit. I don't know how you guys are doing, but I, I, I don't know if it's me alone, but I just clearly was either food poisoning or whatever. The other restaurant was a, it was a complete turnaround, Nick. Yeah. It, in that restaurant that we went to. It was like going to the before and after of a Gordon Ramsay in the same day.

It was crazy. That restaurant we went to afterwards deserves four forks, but. The other restaurant was like a one and a half forks. Yeah. So what the fuck do I do? You can't possibly average them. It's too complicated. I'll guess 12.

You saw what's the average of that? I know that Al's is very, very good, but I can't after that visit to the other place. I can't get it into the golden play club. 3.9 forks. I'm sorry. Wow. Three forks and nine prong. This is on Wyger on a hypothetical 10 tined fork.

Megan Baton, your thoughts, your fork score. Well, I didn't have the secondary experience that you guys had. So I didn't have the makeup for how detrimental the first one was. Right. So I think honestly, I mean, like what's the less? How can you have no forks? Is there a bit? Can you have a score?

Zero four. Zero four. It was so not even a fork. I feel well cause I also had portilloes right before and that's like that's ethereal. That's the God of Italian beef. And then I have Al's beef, which is like a weird acid reflux burp after it. Like I couldn't do it and I was trying to be nice and I was like, no, this is fun. Like I'm with friends, but honestly, like I hate.

And the company was bad too. Is Portillo's the goat to you? Oh, the goat, the paint was chipping. It could have been in the sandwich. Who knows anything could have been in that tamale boat. Like it was, you said it really well. We were done eating and which puts all the food back in and he's like, this is basically what we got in the beginning.

Yes. Yes. We stuffed all the trash in the bag and I was like, they might have well just handed us this bag of fucking trash. And they couldn't have been more true. That's how they give the food to the Al's beef we ate. It's the trash from the Al's beef you ate. Put inside of a barbecue set on fire for three and a half years.

Ashes into a tamale. It's the hand me down. I give it one fork. How's that? Wow. Wow. But it was that one. It was that one.

Yeah. Amir, your, your thoughts. Is it one through five or zero? Zero through five. Okay. And partial forks are possible. Okay. Also, I should ask, were we, was the company worse than the actual restaurant?

Oh my God. No, the company was great. Don't get me started. The food was bad. The decor was laughable. The floor was a shower floor. There was a drain in the middle. I assume at the end of the day, they pull the fire alarms and let just the dirt

wash into hell. That's how they clean that place. Weigur was throwing soap bars on the ground. You mentioned the rags. The rags were not good. No. The tamale boat was maybe the, I, yeah, the worst food we've ever had. Are you throwing up right now?

We've already been there just thinking about it so bad. You're gagging. It's awful. The roast beef we had was dry. We didn't get the burger. They were, they were out of hamburgers. Yeah. A beef, Al's beef was out of beef.

It felt like we ate Al a little bit. We ate Al. It felt a little bit like a Nathan's hot dog merged with an Arby's. Time zero. Do people, do people from Chicago, do you guys like Al's beef? Round of applause if you like Al beef. How about a round of applause if you hate Al's beef? Okay.

Wow. So it is kind of mixed as well, even amongst locals. I'll give it a, a one fork seems correct. Wow. The fries were good. The fries were good. They were fine. The fries were good.

Wow. We also went at the worst time. Oh, we went at a bad time. We went to a drunk food place at four p.m. Yeah. Like six hours before would have been like hungover good. Six hours later is drunk times good. We went at four p.m. the worst time to eat drunk food.

Yes. It was so bad though that I think if I was shit faced at four a.m. and I got that tamale boat, I'd be like, what the fuck is this? It's still eating. It's still sober. Yeah. I got my life together. We forgot to talk about one of our menu items, one of the food items we got.

What was that? We got the loaded fries. The loaded fries. Oh man. We got to mention the loaded fries, which came with whole strips of bacon on it. The whole thing. It was absurd. They didn't cut up the bacon.

They didn't cut it up. It was, it was, it was impossible to eat. Oh, and then they just tubes of sour cream that we're supposed to self-apply. That looked like. Like little gogurts. Yeah. Yeah, gogurts is the correct. Long, extra wide, just toothpaste tubes of soured cream on top of the half melted cheese.

We got two of them. Weiger sucked one dry himself. So my beef with Al's beef is that I think a chain is only as good as its weakest link. And this has a lot of consistency problems. Clearly I'll compare it to on a national level to Shake Shack, where Shake Shack I think is good, but it has some individual outlets that are really underperforming. And that goes to the corporate overlords who oversee it, who are doing a bad job of making sure that their product scales to their different locations and that their different franchise

owners are making sure that they're having the same experience consistent for different customers in different areas. And this Al, this first Al's beef experience, I'm in, that first one we had, I've been the same, the hand-holding club with my buddy Mitch here, which is, that was a one and a half fork meal. There was one redeeming thing that gives it a half fork, but everything else about it was awful. The only thing I enjoyed beyond the one wet beef sandwich we got was there was a print

out on the wall that said, fun fact, reduce the amount of paper sauce cups by spreading out the lining of the cup. Fanning out the sauce cup creates a larger dipping area for your food and less trash for the environment, enjoy. That is a fun fact as far as I can share. For a place that just serves Styrofoam to its customers. Yeah, yeah. Maybe onus on us to what deconstruct the Styrofoam wear that they give us.

They're really like upset about the extra half set they have to spend on dipping cups, the fucking cheap ass franchise owner runs this awful outlet. That one fucking sucked. The second one was great. I was like, this is great. This is a four fork experience. I really enjoyed it. And yeah, I think I'll just sort of kind of meet in the middle and give this a an underwhelmed

two forks two times because I think this was just a, it was just like, you got to be give me give me good food at different locations. Make it this if you're a chain, you should represent the product at all your outlets. And they did a piss poor job of doing that. So a disappointment. I apologize to the Chicago audience here that you had to endure us lambasting perhaps a beloved local chain, but you know, they got to fucking step it up. That was our review of Al's beef.

It's time for a segment. We've got a food stuff and we're going to decide if you should put it in your mouth. It's another edition of snack or whack. That was fun. Emma Brink and you song Lou, our engineer producer bringing these up on stage. So what we've got is we are our buddy Ross, who's from Chicago sick recommended these Jays potato chips, a local chip. Wow.

They love Jays. They hate Al's, but they love Jays. They love Jays. We're opening up this bad boy. We've got ourselves the original, the ridged open pit barbecue and hot stuff. And Amira, I have a note here because you told me this, you do not like spicy. You are not, you are not, you're not like me, who is something of a heat seeker. That's correct.

Are you going to, and don't, don't feel pressured to have this hot stuff, although I'm excited to try it. I guess try it and let me know exactly how spicy. Okay. I'll let you know. Although I will say I'm not the best person to say that because I have a lot of spicy foods. Mitch probably is a better.

You have a better calibration. I'm immune to spicy stuff. So that's not what I'm saying. I feel so sick. Wager. I think I'm going to die, man. Truly. How much of that do you think is just shame?

Well, that too. Yeah. I just, I mean, I think it's just that I'm dehydrated and that Al's beef was, it was bad. I mean, this was, this was bad. I shouldn't do this anymore for God's sakes. I'm going to put you in a tamale boat and send you out to sea. I did on fire.

I'm going to pass this, this original down. We can, you guys can just feel free to nibble as you see fit on whatever. That's good. Also, let's give Amir the hot stuff and you can tell us how hot it is. How's that? Oh boy. Knowing how much Amir hates hot things. What is your tolerance?

Can you have like a mild sauce from like Taco Bell? Uh, sure. I can do mild. I can go up to medium. I just don't understand. Oh, okay. I don't understand the appeal of it. Yeah.

I don't know. I think it's kind of like, it hurts, but it feels good. You know what I mean? Uh-oh. Hmm. Why don't you expand on that a little bit, Nick? It is spicy. It's not that spicy.

It's not that spicy. This is pretty muted. This has a good flavor to it. Yeah. Like I like it. Like a good, like a, like a, like a, it seems like I'm going to check on the ingredients. It seems like a lot of paprika. Ooh, yum.

Um, uh, spices and herbs contains paprika for color. Okay. So that's the reason it's there. Yeah. This is a... Dear God. Is it hot? You just, you just gave the auditory equivalent of that tamale boat.

You are grill. I'd love to be grill. In fact, that's who I am now. I'm grill. I am grill. You're a grill? I am grill. I am grill.

You say it like I am Groot? Yeah. Um, the hot stuff has a good flavor. It's not, it's not actually, you know what, after having a second chip, it has a little bit of a burn to it. It lingers a little bit. You might do it here. Chips everywhere.

How do you guys feel about that original? I think that original is nice. I mean, Jay's, that to me, Jay's is like a better lays. It's just like, is it a fault, unridged potato chip that's like a great, it's got a great Christmas to it. Jay's is a better lay. Yeah. I think so.

I don't know. What do you guys think? It's less greasy. Less greasy. Yes. It's a drier chip. Wow. Who are these guys?

Wow. That is hot. Yeah. It gets spicy. This isn't hot to you? I like that first one wasn't particularly hot, but the second one was like, oh yeah, this is decently spicy. It's got a decent burn to it.

I don't like sandwich these in between to make it not so hot. That's a great idea. Oh my God. I need to do that too. You can really taste the sodium diacetate. That's my favorite part. Who's digging into that ridged open pit barbecue? I like that.

Excuse me? Can you say barbecue again for a second? Barbecue. Stop that. Stop that. What is that? That's how Grill says barbecue, barbecue. I am Grill.

Oh my God. I'm going to come over there. You're the man, Grill. Are people chanting Grill? No. Another saying Spoon. Oh hell yeah. You know what?

I like about this one is a little vinegary, like a, you know, a lot of times the barbecue flavor you're getting from this is just sweet, but this has a little bit of that, that's kind of vinegar potatoes or vinegar barbecue sauce you get sometimes. Yeah. Can you buy just the powder, barbecue powder? Oh yeah. Man I wish. Like a gun.

It tastes like barbecue sauce, but it's a powder, but you can only find it on a chip. What if I want to put this on other shit? I think that's a great idea. Barbecue powder is like a, is like a thing you could sell. What about this? I'll be doing barbecue. Grill's barbecue powder. If there was barbecue powder, I'd be doing fucking lines of it before I should go out.

I'm going to get hyped up for the fucking show. Whoo. But how would you guys rank them? First of all, I'll say that I think this is a snack. I am going to say that I would, I would go, I'd go hot stuff first, then I'd go barbecue, then I'd go original, but I enjoyed all of them and there was, there was nothing I didn't like. Amir, what do you think?

Barbecue number one. Great. Greatest of all time. Wow. Yeah. Original number two. And again, I don't like spices, so hot stuff third. And with our snack or whack binary, would you say that these are a snack?

They're a snack. Wow. Making between snack or whack and your rankings. I'm going to go right up top. Fully a snack. Wow. Jay's open pit barbecue. I'm so glad they're right next to me because I'm just like chain eating these.

I would suffocate my, my entire life into this bag. I love these. I've never had them before, but I will continue to buy these. Are these just Chicago? I think so. Yeah. Whoa. Oh, there.

Maybe send the Midwest. They're fucking great. I'm sure. They're very good. Fully, full snack. Like Lays cause it's Lays or Jay's came first and Lays ripped them off. Right. Is it?

Yeah. Okay. First and Lays ripped them off. Wow. Wow. The Frito Lake Corporation. What's scum? Yes.

What's scumbag? Yeah. Look at this. Since 1927. Wow. That was the day of the fire you were talking about. That's what made these so hot stuff. Tastes like the triangle waistcoat or whatever the fuck that was.

Was that here? Yeah. I remember. Mitch, your snack or whack or your rankings? Every chip I eat, it feels like there's needles going through my body. They're delicious though. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

You know, I tried, Nick. I tried this month. I lost 10 pounds. Wow. You look great. I lost 10 pounds. No. It's all back this weekend.

It's gone already. This podcast, God damn it. Fucking fuck this shit. Sorry, everyone. Oh, fuck you. They're all snacks all around, clearly all snacks all around. My ranking, Nick, are the spicy. I got an opposite of the mirror, a spicy, plain, and then barbecue.

No. Wow. Last? Yeah. They're strong. Too much powder on them, I think. Oh, my God. You were the one wanting to snort it.

I know, but that's a different thing. I've never snorted food before. Another lie. I've never snorted food before. Well, there you go. Hey, it's time for the feedback. And again, as we said earlier, this is the first time we've pre-screened our questions, just like a restaurant review of your feedback.

Let's open up the feedback. Tota, let us know who's going to be asking questions, who's going to be stepping up to the mics. Our producer, Yusong Liu, is going to come out. How you doing, Yusong? I'm doing all right. How was finding that sexy green M&M? It was good.

We found much more scandalous photos, but they were like, I started like sweating. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. So the... Bookmark them and show me at the fucking Airbnb. I got a yogurt to get back to. That Faye shit.

I did get Faye, actually, or my yogurts. I got Faye's. Good man. All right, Yusong. Who's going to be asking these questions? Okay. So our three questions are going to come from Greg W., like water, Laurie P., and Peter T. All right.

So you could come up to that. All right. Greg W., Laurie P., Peter T., if you can, come up to the mic. Is anyone seated at the balcony? That could be an issue. You jump off. Yeah. You're in the balcony.

Jump off. All three of those people have already walked out of the show. We're trying this for the first time. We're going to see how well this works. Why, I feel like a dipped sandwich. I'm soaking wet. Are you wet or are you dunked? I'm dunked.

All right. Our first questioner is at the mic. Hi. What's your name? Laurie. You're Laurie. Hi. What's your question?

Wait, Laurie W., no, that's Greg W. Yeah, Greg W., Laurie P., right? Laurie P. Yes. Very exciting. Tank girl. All right, what's your question? P., sounds like D., he should have said P., like Penny.

W., is unique sounding. He didn't need, like, water. And unfortunately, your time for your question's up. You can take a seat. All right, Greg W., W., like water. What's your question, Laurie? What would you put on your Mount Cheesemore? Wow.

What a question. Wow. That's a great question. That's a very, very good question. I'm going to say Sharp Cheddar. Wow. I'm going to say Cream. Wait, what did you say?

Cream cheese. Oh, my God. I like cream cheese. That just makes grill stronger. Oh, boy, I'm thinking what soft cheese do I go with? Yeah, cream cheese works. I'm going to say like a, you know, I like like a pepper jack. And I think I'm also...

Well, it sounded like you were questioning if you do or not. I think I will also go with a milder cheese, a Havarti. Do you guys have any top four cheeses, your Mount Cheesemore? Amir? I'll go smoked Gouda, number one, because it kind of tastes like me. Good answer. Badass. I like that wet Buffalo mozzarella.

Right. Yeah, that's pretty mild cheese. Back from that, not huge into cheese. So I'll switch, I'll switch to Presidents back, back to regular Rushmore, Barack fucking Obama. Wow. Yeah. And actually, I just remembered a third cheese so we can go back.

Okay, sure. So it's Gouda, Obama, of course, right. And then the goat cheese, goat cheese, goat cheese is a good one. Very good pick. There's a lucky guy sitting up there hanging out with cheeses. Megan, top four cheeses, top four cheeses, still eating these barbecue chips. My top four cheeses is, I'm going to go with Havarti also. Oh, all right.

It's a Havarti party. Havarti, much. This is not going to make any sense. I'm just naming my top four cheeses, Havarti, mozzarella, Manchego. Yeah, baby. Manchego. You don't hear that one often unless you're in Trader Joe's. And then it's actually Personchego now.

Yeah. Manchego is considered. The pronouns. Right. We got to ask. Mmm. And I guess I'm going to double up on Personchego. Nice.

Wow. Yeah. Mitch, your cheese, you're your top four. I just want to say that the idea of a Mount Rushmore made out of cheese is delightful to me. Yes. There just be guys like me just salivating at the bottom of it. Sharp chatter, Nick, in the hand holding club with that one.

Yes. Baratta. Oh, Baratta's a good one. Another win for the Italian. Sorry, all the Polish people here. Hmm. Do I say blue cheese? You already did.

That's a stinky polarizing cheese. Truly. My inner monologue came out. I will say blue cheese. And then this deserves to be up on Mount Rushmore because it's fucking American. American cheese. Wow. USA.

USA. USA. USA. And our prez. I hate Trump too, of course, you fucking assholes. Thank you. I don't know what this crowd is. All right.

Next question. And we're coming up against our time limit. We'll have to unfortunately have to speak to these little things. We're going to let them ask it. We're just going to have to speed through our answers. Hi, what's your name? What's your question? This is Greg W.

Hi, Greg W. W like water. Of course. Like Wiger. Nice. All right. Go ahead, Greg. If or when you guys have children, what chain restaurants would you take them to or would

you not allow them to go to chain restaurants? Wow. They're going. They're going because I'm going and we're going to have a great family fun day at Islands, which is a chain that they have over in California. It's burger, fine burgers and drinks. And every time I go there, I have the time of my life. And so will my children who won't happen because I have weak seed.

Any chain restaurants you would take children to? Anyone on the panel? Chili's number one. Chili's is a great one. That's a great one. You've got to go. Have fun. I was raised on honey nut chicken crispers and the guilt of Catholicism.

And that's how my kids will raise. Yeah. Yeah. With ranch and the baby back ribs. Go to. I think I'm in love with chilies. That's a great answer. I'm going to go.

I'm going to get my kid of that little fat fuck a happy meal for McDonald's. What's in the happy meal? Which one? He's getting not. He's not getting fucking apple slices. He's getting the French fries and he's getting a little cheeseburger and he's giving me his toy. I'm taking my kid to Al's beef because fuck him that's why.

Which location are you taking him to? You know it's Wabash fam. One final question. Hi. Remind us your name. Thank you. Hi. Over there.

No, that was Greg. He's leaving. No, that was Greg. One final question is here. Hey, guys. You're getting really close to your bedtime. Yes. I want to know what is your ideal food to eat just before you hit the hay?

Well, I don't like to. Here's the thing. I don't like to eat food within like an hour of bedtime. So I think that I will say. But Weigert does wear sunglasses an hour before it goes to bed. This is true. I do wear sunglasses. What a half hour.

Gabris. Gabris is backstage here. Where is he? Is he where is he? He's probably in. He's probably in the green room, just drinking booze. Yeah, tell the tell the story, bitch. Carl Tart just came on tour with us and he told.

Gabris, Gabris, like, what do you think about Weigert's ritual about wearing? I'm sorry. I'm laughing about wearing his glasses before he goes to bed and Carl is like, I thought it was a bit the first night. He thought you were being like silly and wearing sunglasses and make him laugh indoors to like acclimate yourself. Yeah, it helps it out. It's I met with a sleep specialist.

It's helped. It's it's trans trans transform my sleep cycles. I will say it's light therapy. Read up on it. But yes, to answer your question, I don't like to eat close to bedtime. So I will say a glass of room temp water. Guys, hold on a second. We got to answer to we should have gone out on that.

No, yeah, go for it. No, that was stupid. We should have gone out on a joke. Mine is like apples and peanut butter. I don't know why I want to tell people go out on a joke for God's sakes. We don't know how to do this. We didn't come in on a joke. We won't go up.

Exactly. Guys, thanks so much. That's our show. Thank you for coming out. Megan Batoon. Amir Blumenfeld. You saw glue. Emma Erdbrink.

Until next time. I'm Mike Spoon Mitchell. I'm Nick Weiger. The Grill. Happy eating. See ya. And you know they can never be right. The fat boys are back.

Do you like to go to the club? On the next Doe Boys Double, the hilarious Mark Rennie joins as we taste test Quizno's Lobster and Seafood Classic sub. Plus, we review Robert Redford's 1994 best picture nominee, Quiz Show. It's a Quizno's Quiz Show. Get the Doe Boys Double every Tuesday at patreon.com.