Doughboys - Applebee's with Nicole Byer

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Nicole Byer (@nicolebyer, Why Won't You Date Me) joins the 'boys to talk the Costco Guys, new movies, and The Whale before their very first review of Applebee's. Plus, another edition of Binge.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.nasa.gov/history/65-years-ago-the-national-aeronautics-and-space-act-of-1958-creates-nasa/https://science.howstuffworks.com/ten-nasa-achievements.htm#pt8https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/infographics/20-inventions-we-wouldnt-have-without-space-travel/https://myburbank.com/flashback-friday-the-very-first-ihop/https://www.ihop.com/en/about-ihop/historySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. February 24th 24 2024. Air raid sirens bellowed over the capital city Kiev, marking the beginning of Russia's invasion of Ukraine. As CNN documented this ominous occasion on its live feed, the cable news network transitioned

a split screen to accommodate an ad break and the audio cross faded to and a little bit of chicken fried cold beer on a Friday night. The song, Zach Brown Bands, Chicken Fried, which charted at number one on billboards, hot country songs back in 2008 and had since been licensed as a commercial jingle by a grill and bar concept known for its riblets and dollar it is the grotesquely funny juxtaposition of urban airstrikes with an advertisement for discounted boneless wings with the purchase of any burger became a potent symbol of this nation's perverse for-profit news ecosystem. Each

outlet a mouthpiece of a political party but more generally of the American oligarchy. The sit-down chain in question pulled its ads from CNN as a result of this tone-deaf association. Founded in 1980 in the greater Atlanta area by business and romantic partners Bill and TJ Palmer, the brand name was semi-randomly selected from a phone book, its spelling altered so it could be trademarked. Today, it's grown to over 1,700 franchise locations and is operated under an umbrella corporation that also owns IHOP. The large footprint Dine-In Grill has remained a potent player in the chain restaurant industry, in part thanks to its nimble addition of takeout windows

post-pandemic. As of this recording, the still ongoing Russia-Ukraine war appears to be escalating, perhaps in anticipation of an abrupt reverse course once the 82-year-old President Biden hands the reins to a comparatively youthful 78-year-old President-elect Trump. But regardless of who's in charge, American news networks remain unfit to inform the public, even when they're not airing ill-timed fast food commercials. This week on Doughboys, we're eating good in the neighborhood with our first official review of Applebee's.

["Double O'Horn Doughnuts!" theme music plays.] Come on! So is the Doughnuts! Double O'Horn Doughnuts! ["Double O'Horn Doughnuts!" theme music plays.] You are so awkward right now. It's kind of mind-boggling. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger.

Along with my co-host, a man that is bummed out about not being able to storm the Capitol again, the steam man, Mike Mitchell. I can't do it this year. Ooh! I can't do it this year. Hey, we're content this year. Yeah. I don't need to cause any sort of fuss.

Josh from Chicagoland sent that in, roastedbirdfuck.com. We don't have to be afraid. Everything is gonna be okay, Wags, as long as there's good people. Mitch, look to the helpers, I say. Mr. Rogers. That's right. Whatever, what are we gonna do?

Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna be fine. Things are gonna be fine, or they're not. And either way, you have no control over it. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna think that this is like the week of the election or something, or they're not. And either way, you have no control over it. So what are you gonna do? You wouldn't think that this is like the week of the election or something, and it's not. This is, we're a couple of weeks out.

We're actually dealing, Mitch, and this episode's coming out in December, obviously, thus the little bit of Christmas decorations you have behind you. My stocking fell, I heard it fall earlier. There's a single candy cane on this cactus, too. Everyone knew that it fell. Yeah, I saw it, I forgot to fix it, I'm sorry. There's a single candy cane on this cactus too. Everyone knew that it fell. Yeah, I saw it.

I forgot to fix it. I'm sorry. It's fine. Too much coal in the bottom of it, I guess. Wow, OK. You're a bad boy. He's so bad. If I was 12 years old, this would get me close to crying,

honestly. Saying there was coal in your socket? 12? 12? Yeah, truly. 12? Coal? Seventh grade? Middle school?

Middle school. OK. Maybe sixth grade. Mitch, you can still storm the Capitol. Sure. You can. Yeah, yeah. I have until January, basically.

I could still storm the Capitol. Yeah. It's going to be a long December-wise. Look, there's the bad news I think we're dealing with right January, basically. I could still storm the Capitol. It's gonna be a long December-wise. Look, the bad news I think we're dealing with right now, Mitch, that I didn't wanna talk about. Long December, I reminded myself of that song. This is a headline that again, will be a few weeks old by the time this episode's released,

but I think it's something we have to address on the show. Blackstone strikes $8 billion deal for Sandwich Chain, Jersey Mike's. Blackstone, a private equity firm that also owns Hilton, Legoland, Ancestry.com and Spanx. Now they will be overseeing Jersey Mike's subs, one of our favorite chains, a chain that is scaled up and maintained a level of quality admirably.

And now, like know, like everything, it's a victim to the vampire squid tendrils of Capital. So there you go. I don't know. That's a pretty iconic thing to do, to be like, have a sandwich, put on your spank. Well, that's the same sort of thing of, like, you know, Rourke Capital is another one,

and they own both, like, Anytime Fitness and Subway. Like, it's like, this is like a common thing. And they also own, like, what is it? Miniky Car Care. So it's like, this is like a common thing. And they also own like, what is it? Miniky Car Care. So it's like all these firms like own all these different businesses. They have their fingers in all these different pies and whatever.

It's probably the quality will go down, which is a bummer, because that's a place I go to consistently. Yeah. I had it for dinner last night. What'd you get? Turkey and provolone on the rosemary. Yeah, the number seven.

Parmesan bread, yeah. The number, I love that you know it. The number seven. My regular order. You do that turkey provolone. I love the turkey provolone. I had the tuna last week, which I never do. And I was like, you know, this tuna's not bad.

I like the Jimmy John's tuna a little bit more, but it's not bad. Were there too much tuna guys behind the counter? They were, yeah. They were? I hope that they leave Jersey Mike's alone. I hope they're like, you know what? This chain is doing all right.

We're gonna profit off of it, you know, for some dumb reason, because that's how our economy works. But we'll let them do what they do best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No chance. Yeah. No chance. Things they do best. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No chance. Yeah. No chance, things gonna be ruined. Yeah, I'm really sorry. I'm still singing on December, by the way. You didn't do the thing they thought that you said we were gonna do.

Yeah. Oh, oh, wait, why? This episode is gonna be five booms. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom! I boomed. I'm gonna boom that we were doing that beforehand too. No one really liked it. That's so funny.

These are also two comedy pros, AJ and Big Justice. Those are the Costco boys? They are Costco boys. And they have the little ones. The Rizzler. The Rizzler's great. I like them. Yeah, they're great.

They're fun. They're a lot of fun. They are fun. They're fun. Boomer Doom is great. Yeah, it's a lot like Snack or Wack in a lot of ways. Perhaps share some similar DNA with Snack or Whack. That's OK.

How do you think the Costco boys or Costco guys, like, do you think that dad was like, man, I love Costco. Let me bring my chunky little son there. And we'll do a song about how much I love Costco. I think there was a little bit of like, you know, AJ is someone who is, was a, in case you know some of this, was a wrestler in the past, right? Was an indie wrestler back in the day?

This is the dad? This is the dad. Okay. And so I think there was a little bit of, he has a little bit of a, of a carny heritage, a little bit of like, I know how to like make something a thing, you know? And I think that maybe that the Costco,

the Costco guys becoming the Costco guys was maybe a little bit of an accident, it was maybe a little bit organic, but once that happened, he was like, we're gonna lean into this gimmick, this is our thing. It's great. God bless him. I like him. I like it too. I love that chunky little guy.

And I say chunky with love. Oh yeah, yeah. He's just so round. I love round people. I like round people too. I think it's because I'm a round person round people. I like round people too. I think it's because I'm a round person. Sure. I'm a rounder.

We're rounders. We're rounders. Me, you, Matt Damon. Yeah, us, Matt Damon, Allie Barry, all round. What are you doing? No, that's- It's just adjusting the arm. I don't think so.

You just lifted the table up. Yeah, I don't think you can do that. Yeah, we can help you. It's fine. Here, can I pick it up? No, no, no, no,. I don't think that the table. Yeah, I don't think you can do that. We can help you. It's fine No, it's gonna break. It's fine. It's just said it's fine So we don't need to worry about hitting breaking, but do you pick the table up and there's a weight on the table? I'm scared. It's gonna pull. Yeah Fine Fine

No, no, I don't this is not this. No, we gotta take this and break this. Come on, Mitch. Mitch. Mitch. Everyone is telling you this is a bad idea. Oh my God. Can we just take the weight off? Why can't you put, like put a pillow behind you so you're closer.

You want a pillow or you want a pillow? No, no, I don't want a pillow. Maybe we need to get a taller table back there? Was there a taller table back there? It used to, the arm used to come up. Thank you, Nicole. Nicole fixed it. Nicole fixed it.

All right, we're set. Thank you, Nicole. How do we forget how to do this? Do you know what I think about this new position? Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! All right, Mitch, you got a drop to play. I think about this new position boom

I'm gonna drop to play uh am I hit him with the drop after fixing the table Be mad at me. I like Jesus like I like and I like Christianity the spirituality the morality that exists within the faith and those people who truly do live by it. I understand. Hey, bro. Okay, I was wrong. This is boring. Bye. Get the fuck out of here! What the hell is going on?

Fuck you! What the fuck? What the hell happened? Fuck up! Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to hate. There it is. Bernie. I liked it.

A lot going on there. This one, this Christian Drop is the name of it. Christian Drop. Oh, that's fun. From Nicole's Epp today. Oh, yay. Hello, here's fun. From Nicole's Epp today. Oh, yay. Hello, here's a submission for the drop off. From 2022, it's an old one. Oh, hello, here's a submission for the drop off.

I'm a teacher from Springfield, Missouri. Wow. Mizzou, old Mizzou. But I'm currently living in Wigs, can you help me say the city in China that this is? Guangzhou? Sounds right. Guangzhou, something like that?

Guangzhou. Guangzhou, G-U-A-N-G-Z-H-O-U. China, if you play this, please shout out to my friend, Aileen. Hi, Aileen. Is it Aileen or Aileen? Hi, Aileen. Is it withileen or Aileen? Hi Aileen. Is it with an A?

She's Louise. This is making me, it's A-Y-L-I-N-E. I think it's Aileen. Oh Aileen, yeah. Very cool to meet someone out here who also listens to this dumb shit. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow.

Another part of our Chinese fandom. Wow. This is my obliviousness about what media is accessible in different parts of the world, because I know that there's a little bit of internet censorship that happens in China. I didn't know you could get the doughboys there. How about that?

I love it. Yeah. It's good to know that in China, you can still listen to this dumb, you can see us say boom five times in a row. Hey, you know what? Xi Jinping gets five booms. Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! It's deeply funny to me. And I think I'll laugh every time. And also, shout out to my buddy Dan back home

who introduced me to Doughboys many years ago. Wow, how about that? Song sampled, Chris Staples walking with a stranger, living sacrifice by blood work. Thanks for the show. Andy Carr, put his full name. Thanks Andy. Andy Carr.

I wonder if that was sent in 2022. I wonder if Andy is still over there in China. That's a great question. Or maybe he moved back and stopped listening because it wasn't picked until two years later. Wow. That's a great point. And he's just missing it.

He's pissed off, yeah. Yeah, he hates you guys. Uh, drop this bird. Change his name to Andy Buss. Boo! Negative boom! You guys are gonna be dooms? That's a doom, Mitch.

A doom? Andy Carr. boom negative boom you guys are gonna be dooms that's a doom Mitch a doom andy car just changed to andy bus what comment is that making drops and burn fuck dot com he got so mad he changed his name to andy bus

he changed his name to a different vehicle yeah whats wrong with that now it sucks every joke on the show sucks. You know what? I'm giving Andy Buss a boom. Boom! What the fuck?

The guy who made up. Our guest host of the podcast, Why Won't You Date Me, which is now right here on Head Gum, Nicole Byer is back. Hi, Nicole. Hi, hi, hi. Thanks so much for being here. Of course. We all knew that there was something about his name

being Andy Carr that was fun to joke on. You're going to double down on this? We all were thinking in our comedy brands, I went with the easiest bad one that didn't really work. But I took a swing at it, wise. You two should be ashamed. You didn't take a swing at all. OK, Andy SUV.

That's pretty good. I was gonna say Andy truck, but I feel like SUV is a little bit more heightened. Oh, Andy truck, that gets a doom. Nicole, I wanna talk about food, but before we get into that, we've had some movie discussions last night that I feel like are worth recapping.

There's a movie that I saw that I don't think Mitch, I don't think you've seen, but I'm talking about the sequel to Joker, Joker Folia Do. I did not care for this movie. You have a different take. I loved it. I loved Joker 2, the squeak wall.

If you listen to Why Won't You Date Me, I have talked about it almost exclusively for a couple of months. I really loved it. That is baffling to me, but then it's even more baffling when you reveal that you have not seen Joker 1. That's right.

I have no idea what happened in Joker 1. I think he did kill Robert De Niro though. Yes. I know that much. Robert De Niro though. Yes. I know that much. And then he was like in jail. And I think it's like a rom-com. I think the singing's pretty funny. And then it's also a meet cute

cause the Joker meets Harley Quinn. They're two crazy people. They agree to be crazy. Then he's like, wait, I'm not crazy. And then she's like, you're not matching my freakiness. So I got to break up with you. And that's boundaries and that's feminism. Okay, well argued.

I agree. It was great. It was also very long. It's so long and so slow. Nothing happened. No. It's fun though. Ha ha ha!

I was so bored and having seen the first movie, the movie is entirely about the first movie. It's all like a trial about what having seen the first movie, the movie is entirely about the first movie. It's all like a trial about what happened in the first movie. And so I'm like, well, I saw this stuff and you're just describing stuff that I already saw. So like, what's the point of that? I'm not even a fan like really of Joker one.

Yes, I gave it a five stars on letterbox. It's the only movie I've reviewed on my account. But I will say it's just like, it's such a complete diversion from the first one that I think you maybe wouldn't like the first one. KATE BOWEN Yeah. Maybe. But I, yeah, I loved it.

I thought it was shot really pretty. TRAVIS PASTOR I gotta find your letterbox account. BRANDON MCGEE It's just my name. TRAVIS PASTOR Really? I'm gonna look right now. KATE BOWEN I love that you're like, I gotta find it. And it's like, you could just ask him what it is. TRAVIS PASTOR That's true. I didn't have. I'm gonna look right now. I love that you're like, I gotta find it. And it's like, you could just ask him what it is.

That's true. I didn't have to search for it, I guess. You would tell me willingly. Nick Weiger, let's see here. Speaking of big, you know, high, big budget bombs of this past year. Did it bomb? It did, it did not perform well at the box office.

I thought it like made back its budget and stuff, no? No, I think it didn't come close. I think it was a pretty, pretty disastrous. Wow, you have 35 followers, Nick. Do I really? Oh, that's nice. Favorite, Blue Lagoon. I don't know Blue Lagoon.

I'm just saying it is like a pervert movie. I was trying to think of pervert movies. I figured. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Italian. The professional, Leon the professional. That Italian adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You see Megalopolis. No. I think you'd like Megalopolis. Yeah? I think you would.

If you like Joker, I think I can say this with confidence. If you like Joker, Folly, or Do, you'll love Megalopolis. Okay. It's similarly just absolutely insane. I actually think you will like Megalopolis. I think you will like it. Okay. Do you know what Aubrey Plaza's character's name is

in the movie? Is it like Pussy Friend? It's like, it's that sort of thing. Her name is Wow Platinum. That's funny. It's funny. And the other thing I would say pertinent to the Doughboys, we say, our Boomer Doom, we say wow on the show. We're always saying wow.

And we have the Platinum Plate Club, if you are like a chain that gets five forks. I think there's maybe a chance that it's a reference to the Doughboys podcast, Wow Platinum, which would make sense because Mitch and I are a couple of goofballs. Just a couple of goofballs. Ha ha ha.

The joy. Ha ha ha. You like scrunched up a little bit before you did it. Ha ha ha. I love when someone loves a bit so much. Like you were so pleased with yourself. Man, I loved that. I was like Mitch saying Andy, Andy fucking,

what did you say? Andy Buss is way better than. Andy Buss. He's done this for months now. And I didn't know it was gonna continue into. I wasn't planning on it, but I was like, oh, you know what, Megalopolis is kind of like Joker Folly-a-doo. They're two of a... It is true.

...two similar films. They are very similar films. Yeah. These auteurs or wannabe auteurs making these big, like, passion projects that people are just like, I fucking hate this. We also had a big discussion last night

about Jay Leno being bullied by the mob. I don't think he got beat up. I believe him that he fell down. You think he got bullied by the sharks? He looks like a black and white cookie. Half his face is black and his arm is broken. He said he fell down a, what, like a 60 foot hill? Where, where are you?

I am curious if anyone is- You're not gonna get a penny from me, motherfuckers. That's what we were doing last night at the restaurant. You'll get your money when I get my ReVigilance kit. I haven't touched my Tonight Show money yet. I'm not gonna touch it for you. He has huge gambling debts because he refuses. That's just a Night Show money.

But it is wild that he keeps having oopsies. Yeah, I know. Like a car blew up in his face. That was two years ago. That was probably contemporaneous with when Andy Carr sent in his drop. Ha ha ha. It is right around then, it's wild.

Yeah, I mean. You said a word that I don't think me or Mitch knows. What, you. Contemporaneous? Yeah. It was a little too much. Wait, what? It was a little too much. Wait, what were these days he goes by Andy Bush. Mm-hmm. Ah, my fucking finger. It's so funny to think of Jay Leno being like, ah, motherfucker!

Ah, no, don't hurt me like that. I, it's wild. Yeah, I mean. I hope he's okay. I mean, I would love for him to be in the movie. I mean, I would love for him to be in the movie. I mean, I would love for him to be in the movie. I mean, I would love for him to be in the movie.

I mean, I would love for him to be me like that. I, it's wild. Yeah, I mean. I hope he's okay. I mean, I would love for him to be in trouble with the mob. I think it is a more fun reality. Right. Yeah. People on Twitter think it's the case. Yes, and I buy it. I think he's in trouble.

He has so much money. How's he falling down hills? You don't have a golf cart to take you down the hill? But that's kind of the thing of like, I think he's kind of a, he's such like a creature of the road that I can see him being like, just making the calculation of like,

I know how to do that. You know, like I don't wanna walk all the way down this hill and just gonna take a shortcut. Why was he on top of a hill? I don't know, why does he do 250 stand-up dates a year? This guy who has a- Because the recession is going to get worse. That is why these people are padding their money.

That's why everyone's touring. Jerry Seinfeld doesn't need to tour, but he's touring. Yeah, that's true. Honestly, I was at the airport and there were so many hot people working. I was like, the hots can't get the good jobs that they want. So they're working at the air. This is gonna get bad for everybody. So you heard it here first.

It's about time, Hots. How does it fucking feel, huh? Fucking Hots. Lost my job at Head Gum. I can work at the duty free shop. I had jury duty, which we were talking about last night, and it was at the airport courthouse. So I had to drive to the airport every day.

Oh, God bless. And it gave me so much empathy for airport workers because it was like, if this is your commute, that's what it sucks. I thought you said it wasn't at the airport, it's near the airport? It's near the airport. I mean, I was getting off the exit,

you'd get off to go to LAX. Really? It's called the airport courthouse, yeah. Yeah, it's not far. I mean, like it's not right on the airport, but it's like close enough where it's like, you have to go through TSA every day? Just kidding.

No, I didn't. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Can you let the- It was not an airport cake. Okay, all right. Which is wild that it was at the airport. I love this. Yeah, she's staring at you. I know, Jemi, so Jemi is being tentative about getting up onto the couch next to Mitch there. She wants more cheese. Come on. Get it, girl. Come on, if you want the cheese, you gotta come up on the couch.

Again, it just sounds wild coming from your mouth. I know you're talking to a dog. Come here, baby girl, come on, come on. I know you're talking to a dog. Come here, baby girl, come on. Come on. So upset. Sit next to daddy, come on. No.

Come on, good girl, come on. Come on, come on. She's thinking about it. Come on, sit next to daddy, come on. Come on, you look good, get up here. Jesus Christ. What, I'm being nice to the dog. Jimmy, get up there and bite him. Yeah, bite him being nice to the dog? Good girl.

Yeah, bite him. Come on, look at you. You're so young and vibrant. All right, back off. Back off, Jemmy? Yeah, back off of Jemmy, the beloved studio dog. I'm not super shocked by what I said. You're just like, come on, you're so young and vibrant.

Oh my God, that's upsetting. All right, Jemmy is eating the cheese, there you go. Good girl. That was cute. Good girl. Did you speak in a movie, did we ever talk about the whale? Did you see the whale?

I loved it. When his fat little feet jump up to go to heaven. Oh my god. I was on a plane and I screamed. Just, it was a red eye. It was the dead of night when little feet jumped up. And I went, oh! And I laughed and laughed.

I, it was such a wild movie. I was like, did they speak to a single fat person? It was so wild. It is funny, also in heaven isn't he thin too? When you get to heaven, didn't he become a thin man in heaven? I think he resembled, but you don't really see that much. The last shot, there's just sort of the beach tableau.

I don't think you really see his body. We should've seen him eat God and God turns him into a thin person. He's like, hmm. God puts him on the Jared diet. Oh, no. Jared is here, too. Jared's not even dead yet. But somehow he's in heaven.

Yeah, that movie is like, it's insane. The ending made my jaw drop. I saw it in the theater and I just, I did this. Like involuntarily, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop laughing. Yeah, he floats. His fat little feet, like I just. It is, it's insane.

You saw that in the theaters, huh? Yeah. Didn't we watch it for the podcast or something? We eventually did it. We eventually did something for the podcast about it. Was it the second time that I saw it? No. It's a tough movie.

I don't think it's a good movie. I think it's a rough movie. When you get to the- I think that you maybe just don't. I don't know if you- I don't like good movies? I don't know if you like movies, possibly. I love movies.

I love the part where the pizza man comes and is horrified at him. He's like, oh! And I'm like, oh my God. Horrified at a person, like a body size I see every time I go to Costco? Like what the fuck? Also I'm like, you deliver pizza to this man every day, he don't come out, what did you think he look like?

The pizza guy is one of the biggest villains in the movie, he's a horrible, also he's tipping him great. He's giving him great tips. He's giving him great tips, he's giving a great tip, so you think the guy who then, who gets the great tips, finally sees this guy who he knows he doesn't wanna be seen and is gonna be like, oh, it's insane. But also, yeah, just go, hey dude, how are you?

Yes. That's it. I like when he finally turns on his zoom camera in the classroom and everyone's like, oh my God, he's fat. It's wild. It's so weird to call the movie The Whale. The Whale, yeah. And then everyone's like, ah! He's back!

And it starts with him jacking off. It's, ooh. We liked that part. I liked that he was jacking off. Oh yeah, you love that part. Yeah, I had a great time watching it. Yeah, a lot of fun. Yeah, maybe I don't like good movies.

Which is fine. Also, what is a good movie? Exactly, all this stuff is so subjective. I do like The Substance, did you like The Substance? I love The Substance. I like The Substance, it's great. Substance is fine. Also, what is a good movie? What? Exactly, all this stuff is so subjective. I do like the substance, did you like the substance? I love the substance. I like the substance. Okay, good. Substance is fun.

Okay, so I do like the movie. Did you see Revenge, the previous, the director's previous movie? No, I want to though. I think you'd like it. Cause I loved it, I thought it was so fucking good. Revenge is fucking nasty. Stinky movie year this year though, I would say.

I don't think I was, any of us were particularly enthused about 2024 overall as a movie here, unfortunately I think there was some there's some gems in there, but a few and far between and a lot of a lot of garbage Let's talk about a break. Get you bring back Ted That has a TV show Bring him back to theaters Big screen Ted on the big screen is on those Dream peacock in the movie theater

so I can watch Ted the TV show. That's what I would like to see Ted. We wanna see Ted again. I don't think Ted is going to be the savior of the cinema. I think there's bigger issues than that. You don't think Ted is gonna be the savior of the cinema? I don't think if they released Ted 3 theatrically, that would be a thing where people would be like,

movies are back. Like I think there's like other issues going on. Wait, did Madam Webb come out this year? Madame Webb was this year. This year has been 10 years long. Jesus Christ. Again, that's a movie I loved. I have seen Madame Webb three times.

I have not seen Madame Webb yet, but I think Madame Webb would be like fun in a way that some other bad movies that came out this year. I loved it. I saw it in theaters. Casey, you seen Madame Webb? I did not. It did not look like I would like it it. I saw it in theaters. Casey, you see Madame Web? I did not. It did not look like I would like it,

so I just did not go. But, Kibbe, your favorite movie of the year, I assume, remains Dune Part II. Dune Part II is still high up there, but close second, I would say, Anora. I really really loved it. I enjoyed Anora, yeah. Oh, I haven't seen that yet. I thought Anora was fun. That looks good.

Yeah, it's a fun movie. I will say this about Madame Web. Yeah. The villains, all of his dialogue is in ADR, and you can tell. At one point I yelled in theaters, I went, they didn't finish the movie! Because he is speaking and his mouth is not moving. Wow.

It's wild. Everyone's in a different movie. It's great, I loved it. I'm gonna see it, I have not seen it yet, and's great. I loved it. I'm gonna see it. I haven't not seen it yet. And I see all that stupid bullshit. So I should see it. I will say this, if you watch it,

you should run out of theater and invite friends and watch it all. It was really fun on the big screen. I love it. It's wild. You're both invited if I do this, which I probably won't, but still. You won't, but I like to be invited to things.

You're invited always. Thank you. I invite you to things. Oh, I don't do anything. Yeah, I was like, what have you done? I don't do anything. I've been gone for three months. You do stuff.

You do stuff. I do stuff. Yeah. Yeah, you're here, you're doing things. Yeah. You feed cheese to dogs and call them good girls and say, come up here, daddy wants you. I've invited you to my birthdays before.

Yeah, what is happening? You also picked up your phone to be like, I'll show you. We used to be on a Harold team together, Nicole. I'm aware of this. Yeah. What a team. I remember, what was that team called? Cooper. Cooper.

Cooper, right. Cooper. What year, boy, this was a while ago. This was 10 years ago. At least, yeah, probably 10. Yeah. Yeah, shit. Yeah, oh my god. And I distinctly remember a scene

where you were trying to pull a crocodile out of a toilet and that's the hardest I've laughed on stage. I can't remember any specifics other than you were like, there's a crocodile in this toilet. Sounds like kind of what we still do on the podcast. Do a little proto-buy man. I guess you're doing a proto-buy, because we talk about the bayou down here.

We talk about the bayou on the show. You might find yourself a gator in the toilet down here in the bayou. If you're up in Canada with a toilet that goes backwards, you might find a white gator in that toilet. That's right. Everyone knows the toiletou guys? No. No. Nicole, you haven't been listening to the pod?

I'm so sorry, God bless. I can't listen to podcasts. I get it. I don't listen to podcasts. I do listen to podcasts, but I know the two of you, obviously extraordinarily talented podcasters, and I know many, many other great podcasters who just can't listen to podcasts. What a lie. I get it.

I understand. Do you listen in the car? Extraordinarily talented podcasters. I know. It felt like an insult. That's an insult. Not just, you do other stuff too. You're great actors.

I know, but like, someone being like, you're good at podcasting, and it's like, I'm good at talking? No, by the way, you do other stuff too. I'm saying, I'm, nevermind. Yeah, all that other stuff. Wait, how do you listen to podcasts, like in the car? Well, I walk a lot, and then yeah, in the car,

or on the train, whatever, you know, I just sort of like have a, and if I'm doing something like I'm doing the dishes, or I'm cleaning the house, you know, that's a sort of, any sort of like have a, and if I'm doing something like I'm doing the dishes or I'm cleaning the house, you know, that's a sort of, any sort of domestic chore, folding laundry, I'll listen to podcasts. But I listen to a lot of like NBA podcasts or like news podcasts, you know,

I don't really listen to all that many comedy podcasts. No, I get that. Yeah. What are the, how are the NBA podcasts? There's a new basketball they're doing on here. Mitch, you're a sport. Oh, don't act like you don't understand what analysis and discussion is. It's not about a new basketball.

Welcome to the NBA podcast. We got a new basketball. It's slightly off orange. The Atlanta Hawks have put on new nets this week. Is this, is this what we're, is this where we're at? This is ridiculous, Wags. Orange. The Atlanta Hawks have put on new nets this week. Is this where we're at? This is ridiculous, Wives. New basketball.

Widers like, you know sports. You know what a sport is. You know. This is where we're at with podcasting? New basketball. God. It's so funny. OK. The Charlotte Hornet B is up to no good this week.

Is this what they update you on? The Buzz City mascot? The Buzz City. No, there's other topics that are explored. More just about why is this team succeeding, why is this player not living up to expectations, that sort of stuff. Can I just go back to something?

Wait, I just gotta say, that was so lovely that you genuinely explained an NBA podcast to Mitch. And I zoned it out completely. Yeah, he was like, I don't care. I know what one is, you fucking idiot. Do you remember that? You were just bra, you were just acting like you didn't.

Acting, my boy, I was acting. It's one of the other things he does. Wait, now you're turning on me. What's going on here? We gotta go back to something. Yeah. When you guessed Wow Platinum's name, you guessed Pussy Friend.

I knew it was something fun and I couldn't remember. Pussy friend is pretty good. Pussy friend. I'm pussy friend. That was an alternate title for doughboys, pussy friends. Pussy friends. Let's talk about food a little bit. Okay, so why won't you date me, obviously?

You're so much, you're talking about dating. That reality is such a, I feel like it's a food-centric topic. Do you ever have like, in your dating life, were you ever like, I have like a go-to sort of first date destination or like this is the kind of meal I want to do for a first date? Or is it more of like I want to break the ice with something, or is it more of like, I want to break the ice with something like coffee or a cocktail? What is your game plan?

Usually I do a cocktail, and then if I want to get, if they're like, let's do dinner, then I would do something like Safe. OK. Like, I used to do Franklin and Company a lot before that closed. That's just like a very straight ahead gastropub. Just very, very critical menu.

Dangerous turf. You're right near UCB. Yeah, and then if I run into somebody I know, then great. I'm popular. That is, that's nice. That's a plus sign. It's true, yeah. On the other hand, I took a date to who said they

want to go to Bird's once, and an improviser sat down next to them and basically started to hit on them during the date. Oh, no. An improviser that you knew who was your friend? Yeah, who I knew, yeah. Say their name and we'll bleep it. Yeah, say their name. Uh.

What was that noise? Oh, shit. Ugh. Rude. Rude. Rude, rude, rude, rude, rude. Are you surprised? No.

Yeah, yeah. Rude. Ugh, rude, rude, rude. Are you surprised? No. Rude. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Next time I see him, I'll knock him down. What was that for? Something he doesn't remember. Sat next to me, started just on the date, which, whatever. Not whatever.

Started talking to her like the way I was talking to Jemmy earlier. He said, daddy wants to see you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I do not call a woman that. I, no one thought I did. I got afraid, I got in my own head. You're okay. You're in a safe place. Wait, did someone make this? Yeah, our buddy Deer Jerk, who is a very talented artist,

made a woodcut of the Burger Boy and the Spoon Man, and the Burger Boy is here in the studio. Mine's actually, mine's at, mine is on my wall upstairs where I have a little tiki motif upstairs. Very fitting. A tiki motif? A little tiki motif. What does that mean to you?

Like a tiki themed room? Yeah, tiki theme. Oh, okay. It's your Jack Shack. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Is it your Jack Shack? I don't go up. Or you think about your pussy friend?

I don't go, first of all, it's my deck. Now people are gonna say I have a deck and people are gonna talk about. Mitch has a deck. Mitch has so much patron when he has a deck. It's okay that I have a deck. It's okay that you're successful and you have a deck. Yeah, and I'm not even, well, yes.

I barely have a deck. I have a deck. You should be giving his twisted metal money to orphans instead of having a deck. Yeah, and I'm not even, well, yes. I barely have a deck, I have a deck. We should be giving his twisted metal money to orphans instead of having a deck. Yes, you should. I mean, we all should be giving it to orphans. We should, everyone should, we should. That's the, that's the- It's crazy that there's still orphans.

I know. Right? I know. Like, that's low vibrations. That's like, what? You don't have parents and nobody wants to adopt you? Why? There's so many people who want kids.

Show them the parents and show the parents the kids. Show them the parents. It sounds like show them the money. Show me the money. Show me the parents. My grandma Jo, who has passed away, a lovely woman, she was raised in an orphanage. Does feel like a thing from another time.

Yeah, right? Like an old timey thing. Did she ever get to listen to Doughboys before she passed or no? No, I was. What caused her to pass? She heard one episode and she said, I gotta get out of life.

Buy forks for Shake Shack. See ya later. Her last words. I heard that at the funeral, you were like, my grandma Jo was an awesome lady, and before we end this year, I just want to give her five booms! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! The best part about five booms is you think it's going to end, and then there's more. Ha ha ha!

Was it awkward sitting in the boom for a second? No, I love it. It is deeply funny. It'll never not be funny to me. That's the Costco guy's magic. My grandmother was a lovely woman who lived an amazing life. And you do give her five booms. I do give her five.

But that's besides the point. I give my grandparents five booms. All four of them get five. One of them maybe gets a little less than five booms. He was a wild one. Yeah. I think I'd give mine five booms. Yeah.

My grandma Jo's favorite movie was Shooter, the Mark Wahlberg movie. Wow. About an assassin who can shoot a sniper rifle from five miles away. She loved action movies. I love it. She loved Kill Bill.

Ugh, good taste. I know, yeah. I've never seen Shooter. She seems like the grandma from that Garfield special we watched. She seems like a cool- She kinda is like a cool grandma, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

from that Garfield specialty watch. He seems like a cool- He kinda is like a cool grandma, yeah, yeah. Mitch, managing finances can feel complicated and time consuming, right? But it doesn't have to be. Rocket Money simplifies everything, making it so easy to see exactly what's happening with your finances, track your spending,

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easy. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you, sometimes by up to 20%. Wow! They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save, then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service themselves. Wow. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million dollars in cancelled subscriptions saving members up to 740 dollars a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash doughboys. That's rocketmoney.com slash doughboys. Rocketmoney.com slash doughboys. That's RocketMoney.com slash doughboys. RocketMoney.com slash doughboys.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Mitch, you love the holidays. I do Wigz, I like the snowfall, the candy canes, the mistletoe, ooh. How do you stay cozy during the winter months? I like to get myself under a blanket. Maybe by a roaring fire if it's an option. Wow, wise, I like that too.

Get under a little blanket, put on some slippers, or maybe some PJs. Sure, and a nice little cup of hot cider. How fun is that? I love that. I put on my big red coat, my big red pants, my red hat with a white bulb at the end of it. Yeah, and you're always kind of busy on Christmas Eve,

which is weird, because I always want to hang out, and you're like, oh, I can't do it. I know, you never want to hang out any other day of the year, but then Christmas Eve, you're always- Well, it's the holidays. I was like, I want to hang out with my friend, and you're like- But I work. I mean, I'm busy on Christmas Eve.

Yeah, you get some stuff to attend to. I'm like, all right, I guess you're wrapping gifts or something, whatever. Gifts just for your family, I'm sure. For some- And some few others. Wrapping up in a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate or watching a movie with family is the best way to spend the month of December.

Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away, even when the season changes. Mitch, you and I have both benefited from therapy. That's right, yes. Every time I do it wise, I feel a lot better. We've said it before, I'll say it again. It's like going to the gym for your mind. Get the gunk out.

Yeah. In fact, I noticed you like, or like, hey, I really need to schedule some therapy for right after Christmas, because it's my busy season. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm exhausted on Christmas day, Christmas night. You know I'm exhausted.

You kind of need like some sort of like mental, like come down from that whole experience. 100%. Whatever it is, I imagine just, you know, hanging out with family. For example, it's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. Therapy empowers you to do the best version of yourself. And it's not just for those who have experienced major trauma. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try.

It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. You know what I say to that, Wiggs? Yeah. Ho, ho, ho. Hey, I'm actually, can I get a ride?

Cause I was gonna visit my family's. Can I get a ride in your sleigh? Yeah, of course. Okay, awesome. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash doughboys today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash doughboys.

Quick question, are you allergic to reindeer? Wait a minute, it can't be. Let's talk about Applebee's. For a long time we wanted to do this episode. Applebee's is one of the big, you know, chains that we have never actually reviewed. It blows my mind that you haven't done Applebee's yet. Nine years of doing this format

and we have not yet gotten to Applebee's. Part of the reason for that is that we have been saving this chain for you because we know you're a fan. I do love Applebee's. And we're glad we were able to make this happen. We all were able to go out and have a meal together last night, which is great. That's the ideal way to do this podcast.

But a big reason to address our listeners out there, the reason we have not reviewed Applebee's beyond availability of a guest is is that there isn't an Applebee's in LA. You have to go outside of LA. So it's like- We're saving it for Nicole. We're saving it for Nicole

and we had to go all the way to Alhambra. Oh, Alhambra. So it's a bit of a haul. About 30 minutes out of the city. Can we talk about the name Applebee's for a second? Yes. Apple, hey, I like apples, bees, ugh. It's in the name itself.

That's a bad apple if you're biting into that and some bees fly out. Shit, there's fucking bees in here. You know what I mean? An apple bee, you know what I mean? I never thought about it, but yeah, that is a wild name. And they ignore the bee part because their logo is just an apple.

It's just an apple. There's no bees. Well, that's the thing. I guess what Wags is implying is they're all inside this apple, basically. I think so, I think they're surprise bees. Yeah. They're gonna get you. They're gonna get you.

You ever had a sugar bee apple? Now Leah likes those, they're good. What's a sugar bee apple? It's just like a type of apple that's got like a nice balance of sweetness and tartness, a good texture to it. Yeah, if you see a sugar bee at the grocery store. I mean, like, you know,

any sort of grocery store should have them. Well, not any sort, maybe it is a specific one. Like, there's an Envy apple that I like that I can only find at Gelson's. Yeah, not every place has the Envy. Yeah, I think it might be, I don't know where she gets them, but. I know you've never had an apple.

Farmer's Market. But. And Envy apple's really crispy and kinda sweet. And these are great. My favorite apple? Big apple, oh! What? I guess I've never bombed as hard as I have today because everyone's everything I'm saying people were just going

What the fuck no one likes what I'm saying? Oh, oh Fucking Rizzle over here isn't the Rizzler from New York is he from New Jersey. He's from Jersey He's a family friend how did the Rizzler get involved? He was another child influencer, so the dads hooked up the big justice. Wow. I have an idea.

Yeah, another part where AJ's carny instincts are admirable that he sees this, the Rizzler's got the juice, he's like, that kid's mine. And he puts him as part of the Costco guys. That is mine. I just, I had an idea. The Sizzler with the Rizzler on Doughboys.

Hey, if we can make it happen. I almost burst into tears, that was good. The Sizzler with the Rizzler? That was really good. Have you done the Sizzler yet? We have done the Sizzler. Oh, okay. But the Sizzler with the Rizzler.

We can do the Sizzler with the Rizzler. You gotta. I hope Joe Samoa- You gotta. I hope Samoa Joe comes back and chokes out the Sizzler yet? We have done the Sizzler. Oh, okay. But the Sizzler with the Rizzler. We can do the Sizzler with the Rizzler. You gotta. I hope Samoa Joe comes back and chokes out the Rizzler on AEW, who'd be great. The Rizzler is now in wrestling, kind of. That child? Yeah. Well, AJ is wrestling.

Big Justice is gonna be ringside, and then they just announced the Rizzler's gonna be involved. This'll all be like, this'll all be old news. The pay-per-view will have already happened by the time this episode airs. There was a tweet about how Ellen balanced like when people go viral,

she would have them on the show for five minutes and then they got to go back into the wild. And I feel like since Ellen is gone, that is true. People just get to stay out here. Yeah. Like the Huck-Too lady. Oh, yeah, Huck-Too ladies. Now it's like a podcast. I miss the Huck-Too-Lady. Oh yeah, Huck-Too-Ladies. Now it's like a podcast.

I miss the Huck-Too-ey-ness of it. It was just a white woman who said you spit on a dick and everyone was like, ah! Like, why does she get such longevity? Why does she have a podcast? Not to be rude. Yeah.

But I guess it's entertaining, I don't know. She's hilarious. Look, wait. God bless anyone who can monetize whatever accidental fame they have. That's my opinion, but it's also like, I get, God bless anyone who can monetize whatever accidental fame they have. That's my opinion, but it's also like, I get what you're saying, the part of the charm of these sorts of things,

memes of old, is that it would be like, you wouldn't necessarily see, you know, like whatever overly attached girlfriend would not be like everywhere. It's like, okay, that was like an interesting one-off, you know? Yeah, but there's a lot of longevity, but you gotta get that little boy out

to take him to the Sizzler. You gotta. Applebee's, which is what we're discussing today, perhaps a future Sizzler revisit is in the works, but Applebee's was founded in 1980 in Decatur, Georgia as TJ Applebee's RX for Edibles and Elixirs. No, wait, in the 80s? That was the original name,

TJ Applebee's RX for Edibles and Elixirs. RX for Edibles and Elixirs. No, wait, in the 80s? That was the original name. TJ Applebee's RX for Edibles and Elixirs. RX for Edibles and Elixirs is a part of the name? And if you notice the, it's meant to be like, I think a reference to sort of like an old timey, sort of like tonic salesman sort of thing, but it's like- Oh, so Applebee's is the name. Well, no.

TJ Applebee's. The restaurant was called TJ Applebee's RX for Edibles and Elixirs. That's what I'm saying, it's TJ Applebee. Applebee's, yes. I'm sorry, it's a surname. It's a surname, and so in 1986, the brand was Sean Parker just to Applebee's Neighborhood Grill and Bar,

which is what it is today. And what year was that? 1986. And when was it founded? 1980. So not Sean Parker himself. For five years it had that awful name? Yeah.

I don't quite get it, it's quite a mouthful, and I don't know what the Applebee's part is. Like, I don't know don't quite get it. It's it's quite a mouthful and I don't know what the Applebee's part is Like I don't know the origin of that itself in 1998 TJ Applebee's TJ Applebee, but do you think if there was an actual TJ Applebee? It has to be I don't think there was I Think it was an invented character. Wait, can we look that up if there's a huffin stuff? Who wasn't that that the old the TV show? Yeah, the old TV show from like 60s. Yeah, I'm young Probably show from the 60s that I remember from like Nick at night HR puffin stuff. That's HR Founders were Bill and TJ Palmer. So Applebee's was not. Oh, yeah

Why is I'll be impressed if you can remember the names of the creators? Oh the Crofts the Crofts. Yes, it Marty Croft shit Yeah, I'm shocked. Um in a shot for my own brightness in I can remember the names of the creators. Oh, the Crofts. The Crofts, yeah, Sid Marty Croft. Holy shit. Yeah. I'm shocked. In a... Shocked by my own brightness. In 1998, after these... I'm on fire this episode. What did you just say?

I'm shocked by my own brightness. You shine bright with the brightness? What did you just say? I'm shocked by my own brightness. It truly sounded like you were trying to sing that Rihanna song. I was just... You were shining bright like a diamond.

I'm shocked by my brightness. Wait, is there a way you can Google what the storefront looked like for TJ, Applebee's elixir, fucking Fun Hut? I need to know what that signage looked like. I'm sure we can find a visual of that. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what the original, if they've remodeled it or if they have any vintage photos, but maybe we can find something.

Sid and Marty Croft, they did like big puppets and stuff like that for HR Puff and stuff. Yeah, okay. And it was like a trippy show. Was it for children or it was like more for adults? I felt like it was more for adults, right? Well, we're getting an image up here. What a crispy TV.

Yeah, that is a crispy TV. Okay, here's the original Applebee's. And you see, it kind of just looks like a, we'll put this up on screen in the YouTube feed as well, but it kind of just looks like a TGI Fridays with an old timey sign, like an old timey wood sign. Honestly, it looks better than the place we went last night.

I mean like- It does say Edibles and Elixirs, it looks like. It does, and they had an Edibles and Elixirs sign that was inside the interior of the Alhambra location we went to. Bring back the Edibles, man. Yeah, let's get fucking ripped. The idea of like a weed restaurant,

I know that they are, that always like makes me sick, cause I would, I don't want that and I would get so hot. Yes, it's because we don't have a turn off with food and you'll just keep eating. And then you'll be like, oh, no. That's why I don't fuck with that. Like, I'll do an edible, but like a meal of edible? No, no, I clean my plate. 100%.

1998 was the year Applebee's opened its 1,000th restaurant, and it now has more than 1,500 worldwide locations. In 2023, Nations Restaurant News ranked it the 21st largest restaurant chain in America with 4.4 billion in sales. It's a big boy. Those are Dr. Evil numbers right there. You're doing great.

Yeah, you're thriving. Those are Dr. Evil numbers right there. It was good. $4.1 billion. That is a lot of fucking money. What is your history with Applebee's? Why do you have such a passion for this, Shane? I love Applebee's because they once had a dessert

called the Apple Chimmy Cheesecake, which was some, like a, it was like a pastry with cheesecake in it, and then they deep fried it, and then, or maybe it was like a fajita, I don't know. It was like some sort of crispy yum yum, and then they deep fried it, And then, or maybe it was like a fajita, I don't know. It was like some sort of crispy yum yum. And then they deep fried it, and then the cheesecake would be like warm and gooey, and then there'd be cinnamon,

and then there was ice cream, and it was the most delectable thing I could eat as a child. That I was like allowed to eat. It was so indulgent and so good. And the cinnamon thingies that we had, that was like the outside of it, but then imagine cheesecake inside. That was delightful. That sounds fantastic. It was so fucking great. Were they little had, that was like the outside of it, but then imagine cheesecake inside. Sounds delightful.

That sounds fantastic. It was so fucking great. Were they little bites or was it like a big thing? No, it was a log. Okay. It was like a little rectangle. Wow. We're log guys, we like-

I love a log. We love log food. I love log food too. And it was, ugh, I loved it so much. Yeah. Wow. That's why I like a log. We're loggers. We're loggers.

We are loggers. I had a... We're loggers. We're loggers. It's just funny when you do shit like that, cause I was like, he wasn't listening to me at all. No, I heard everything you said. You were just waiting for a gap,

so you go, we're loggers. I was. Munching on your cheese. Ah! It sounded fantastic. It sounded fantastic. I like a little log food. We're loggers.

It's the truth. Don't pop cheese in your mouth and then have a full couple sentences after to say, ugh. I get my little cheese snacks during the show. And people, they're fine with that? Here's the rule. If my stomach is a little grumble, I go down and take a little piece of cheese snack

and then you won't hear my grumbles. Stomach rumbling was one of the things I was the most self-conscious of in high school. Yeah, I get it, yeah. Why? Arm pit sweat, that was a big one. If I had arm pit sweat. I used to think, and I realized no one really cares

if you're pitting, but now, but I'm pitting all the time. No one cares, in high school it's embarrassing. Why are you self-conscious about tummy rumbles? I. But no, but I'm pitting all the time. No one cares. In high school, it's embarrassing. In high school, yes, I get it. Why were you, why are you self-conscious about tummy rumbles? I don't know, because I think I just thought that people associated with anything stomach-wise, like I was afraid to take a shit. Oh, I always think of tummy rumbles as, oh, you're hungies.

So I like wouldn't eat because I was afraid to take a shit, and then my stomach rumbled. Oh, I see. It was a whole- In a quiet classroom, and then like your stomach's like- I hate that you keep eating the cheese and talking. Yeah. Why are you doing that?

We've done this 10 years now, I don't know. I take little snacks sometimes. Clearly I haven't been, I'm not good at this. You're doing great. You're doing great. You're good at this and other stuff. When my stomach is grumbling, which it is, I'm afraid it's gonna get picked up on the microphone. So I take a little, little. And the chewing's gonna get picked up on the microphone. So I take a little, a little.

And the chewing's not getting picked up on the microphone. Oh, it is. You understand that your mouth is closer to the mic than your tummy, right? Actually, the chewing probably gets picked up more than the, I don't think I've ever heard your tummy rumble on mic. No. It's definitely the chewing.

Well, you know what? Here's the last thing. Either way, I cut it. So. Here's the last thing. Cheese is kinda cut it. So. Here's the last thing. Cheese is kind of tasty. I like my little snacks and cheeses. We have these Sargento Breaks.

These little Sargento Breaks. That are inside the headgum fridge. And they're one of the snack options that's readily available here. It is like half of a little plastic container's worth of cheese bites and the other half is like raisins and mixed nuts. Now you. And I can hear the nut from here.

Now, here's the thing. You can't hold cold cheese, we figured out. I know. It's such a strange thing. I do not like the texture of cold cheese. This is an insane thing. If I make mac and cheese, I will wear gloves when I grate the cheese. I simply do not like it. I think it's weird and gross.

How long has this been a thing? My whole life. Your whole life. And so you would never like string cheese or anything? Just like a slice of American cheese? No. Yeah. Do you not do sliced cheese?

You find disgusting? Do you not do cheese? It needs to be like slightly melted or something. Yes. Yeah, like a grilled cheese sandwich, you're fine with it. to be like slightly melted or something. Yes. Yeah, like a grilled cheese sandwich, you're fine with it, not a cold cheese. No, no, no, no. Wow.

That grosses me the fuck out. I just, and then when you like chomp into it, cause I've had cold cheese before, when you chomp into it, I feel like the cheese gets stuck to the roof of your mouth a little bit. That is an issue. And then it's like, chewy.

It is? I mean, I guess it does happen. Yeah, cheese does get stuck in your teeth or in your nose or your mouth. It's not for me. Oh. I mean, I guess it does happen. Yeah, cheese does get stuck in your teeth when you're in your mouth. It's not for me. Oh. Ugh. I mean, look, I love a melted cheese.

Mm-hmm. And we had some last night. Yes, but you love a cold cheese. You've been snacking. I just don't, I don't want my stomach to be growling. And so sometimes I take a little snack. Should I have, look, is it 1.30? Should I have eaten some sort of breakfast of some sort?

Yeah, probably. But I didn't, all right? I have sleep problems. I went and got a sleep study. They put a bunch of devices on me. I got another sleep study. I got an MRI for my brain, because my brain's not working. There's some problems I'm having, okay, clearly.

My brain's not working. My sleep's not working. What happened at the sleep study? Do you just go to a centering and fall asleep? Yeah, they have cameras on you all night and they wrap you up in a bunch of different stuff. They yell at you when you start jacking off. You can't jack off.

Like, okay, Mitchie, go to sleep. And you're like, all right. This is you. What, this is my routine. This is what I do. So I fall asleep. Whoa, his heart rate went up to like three beats per minute. Um.

Um. I, uh, I went in there, yeah, they, they, they, they'll, they put tubes in your nose. They put a thing around your chest, so like, it like, tests how much like your chest is going in and out and breathing, yeah. I've done, I've done a number of sleep studies as well. And the take home ones,

which you have to put all the shit on yourself. But then I've done two of them where you have to sleep in a facility. And I can just imagine the poor guy monitoring you, watching the video and just seeing you laying there with your eyes open staring into the camera. Well, this is the thing. The first time, cause you know because I have insomnia late on,

on set insomnia and I found ways to manage this, but it's an ongoing thing. The first time I went to one of those sleep studies, I was awake the whole night. Cause I'm like, I'm in a space, like a hospital. That's what I'm saying. I've got a bunch of shit hooked up to me. It's not, I already have trouble falling asleep.

It's not a formula for restful sleep. The second time I think I got like three and a half hours. So the guys over there in the car was like Nick and you're like, yeah, like immediately. Yeah, what do you need, yeah. Wait, so how do you manage your insomnia? A bunch of different things, but the main thing is like light therapy.

So like the first thing I do in the morning, every morning as I get exposed to natural light, I go on a walk in the sunlight. That is great for your circadian rhythm, for orienting your body of like, this is time for you to be awake. And then I go to bed at the same time every night. I have the blue light blocking glasses that I do. It is, it's not far from 9.30.

I put blue light blocking glasses on an hour before bedtime, which, you know, like, again, just cues my brain for its time to sleep. This is, you're Superman. I'm a whole different, and I don't- Superman, he loves the sun. It's a similar- It's true, it's a similar sort of thing, but you know.

Superman loves the sun? This is the truth, this is real. The red sun, he went from the red sun of Krypton to the yellow sun of Earth, and that's what gave him his powers. So anyway. So. Wait. I also will not have any. So anyway, so. Wait.

I also will not have any caffeine after like 2 p.m. So Superman did not have powers on Krypton? No, it's not like in Krypton, all the, everyone's just like a Superman. Yeah, everyone's a Superman. That's what I thought. Yeah, so they're all, but like they're like, we're normal, but then here, you know, like they're.

Yeah. Wait, is it, wait. No, they're strong. They can fly and stuff on Krypton, right? I think the yellow sun of Earth is what gave him his power. I thought so too. I really love you saying the yellow sun of Earth. I know, it sounds like he's been to many planets. Krypton has a red sun.

A global galaxy traveler, the yellow sun of the Earth. So wait, in Krypton, they could fly around, but they weren't fighting crime? Who's Krypton Superman? Or do they just have regular Krypton police? Great question. I shouldn't be trying to talk at length about DC lore, because I honestly don't know it that well.

But the limited amount I do know, Casey, you're not a Superman guy at all, are you? No, absolutely not. The limited amount I know is that I believe that's- Emma, do you know Superman? absolutely not. The limited amount I know is that, I believe that's- Emma, do you know Superman? No, I do. I just wanted to include you.

I have one million questions going on in my head right now. Does everybody from Krypton turn into Superman if they come here? Yes, they do. We can have a whole planet of Supermans. That's part of what happened with General Zod. Yeah, General Zod has those powers too. So what if we go to Krypton, maybe we're superheroes there?

Would we be superheroes in the red sun? Actually, that's fucking bullshit, actually. I wonder if that's happening. There must be a DC arc where humans go to Krypton in the past before it exploded. Kal-El, is that Superman's? Kal-El at Superman's real name. That's his real name.

Batman had to have gone to Krypton at some point, right? I'm sure Batman went to Krypton, yeah. That had to have happened. Kal-El? Kal-El. That had to have happened. Cal L? Cal L. That's his first name? Or is Cal? Cal hyphen L, I believe is his full name.

I don't know if he has a surname. And then his father is Jor-El. I really love that you guys keep saying surname instead of last name. Mitch said it earlier and I was like, okay. And then you were like, surname. And I'm like, all right, this is a thing for you guys. What's your surname?

Our surnames kind of organically came up earlier when we were talking about Andy Carr, who my understanding is now goes by Andy Bus. Andy Bus. Formerly known as Andy Carr, Andy Bus. I thought it was a great joke to start the show off. No, it was great. I'm sorry. It was so good. I'm striking out left and right here, but I'm going to say this.

You struck out left and right last night because you didn't get home in time for your bedtime. It's true. You had caffeine. I know, it was a fucking nightmare. What a nightmare. Oh yeah, how did, cause the Mountain Dew is caffeinated. Yeah, so we had a very blast Mountain Dew.

I didn't have a lot of the Mountain Dew, but I had enough of it to just to kind of get a taste. So the caffeine didn't really impact me, but I got to bed very late last night. I got to bed after midnight, which I never do. And then, you know, I'm up at 6.30, so like I'm not like super well rested. 6.30.

Yeah. Eww, geez. But I'm doing okay. Six hours of sleep. I get good six hours of sleep. I can't even do six hours of sleep anymore. How many do you have to do? 12?

I mean, I still do. Gotta go in a coma. I need, I mean, like if I wanna feel restful, I need like nine hours of sleep probably, which is partially because I'm not sleeping well. I do too. And I realized that, and partly my alpha brother, Nate, had like said, he like thing he'd figured out is like,

I just need nine hours of sleep. You know what I mean? And it's just like, that's just how, what my physiology is. Well, eight is like the average men need. Yeah. So it's like you could need a little less, you could need a little bit more.

Right. Apparently women need like 11 hours of sleep to function. Wow. Yeah. That's wild. Oh my god, ladies. Wait, do you guys have sleep apnea? I have not been diagnosed with sleep apnea.

Mitch, you have sleep apnea, right? Oh, I got sleep apnea. Do you have a machine? I do have a machine, but there was an issue. I was seeing floaters. Oh. They said you actually have, they said you have wake apnea, right?

A wake apnea is really funny. I was wearing a machine and I wake up and I'd see floaters, which by that I mean, I'd see the whale at the end of my bed floating. Oh! Oh! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Them little chunky feet floating up to the sky. Floater. Ha ha ha! But I. Waving at him. Goodbye whale. Enjoy Jack and Adam. We'll miss you whale.

Enjoy what's Superman's planet? Krypton. Krypton. He's going to Krypton. Where he's a superhero and he's thin over there in the red sun. No refractory period on Krypton. Just jack off all day long. Man, a no refractory planet would be pretty.

What if, can you imagine? Would be pretty what? Would be pretty. You got so excited you couldn't finish a sentence. Then I was like, ugh, jacking off is a young man's game. Uh. It kinda is.

It's kinda, you gotta jack it off. Is it? Get over it at a certain point, yeah. Now at this point I'm like, ugh, god, I can't, I, I. Jack off, why bother? Here's, you know what? I'll say this.

But what about in the shower? Sometimes now. I would never do that. Sometimes I jack about in the shower? Sometimes now. I would never do that. Sometimes I jack off in the shower. Why? It's a clean zone. It's a clean zone, Nekuson. I do jack off in the shower quite a bit actually. But.

It's not his clean zone. You wanna hear something bad when you're an older man and you're like, I gotta jack off, I'm like gunked up, you know what I mean? Right, like it's a medical procedure. Well, I said it. I'm gunked up. Oh.

Ha ha ha. If his, it's like medical in a way. If a man ever said to me, I'm gunked up. Babe, I'm gunked up. Can you help me out? I would walk into traffic. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm, you get gunked up.

You get gunked up. Guys get gunked up. Trust me, men out there know what I'm talking about when I say get gunked up. Weiger and Casey are being so quiet. Well, because they fucking know, and I speak the truth. I'm a truth teller. If enough time passes, you can get a little gunked up. Wow. Quiet well cuz they fucking know and I speak the truth

If enough time passes you can get a little gunked up And then Casey I have no idea what you're talking about Yes, it's literal literal literal It's a literal gunk and then when you finally jerk off does it dribble out of you cuz you're all gunked up literal gunk. And then when you finally jerk off, does it dribble out of you? Cause you're all gunked up. Cause gunk to me, it means thick. It's more like you-

I can get thick. It's more like you step on a toothpaste tube. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I hate that I'm attracted to men. Oh. He is right. It's like the old classic thing of stepping on a toothpaste tooth. Oh, oops. I dropped my tooth chap. I dropped my toothpaste on the floor. I dropped my tooth chap on it.

That reminds me of being gunked up, though. Well, this episode is gross now. But it's not really my fault. It's just telling the truth. It's okay. You had to get your truth out there. You get gunked up. I get gunked up. And so, wait, what were we talking about? We were talking about sleep. You said you were jacking off in the shower a lot. No, I don't do it a lot. I mean, I just- You said a lot. You said a lot and both your hands went out. When I do it, when I do that stuff,

I run to the shower, it's true. It is true. We talked about this on the show before. You have talked about this, yes. It's not that the act does not start in the shower. It begins and then progresses to the shower. It's easy cleanup when you do it. For the big finale.

Wait, what? You're like in bed jerking off, and you're like, god, I get to the shower before I come. This is what I'm saying. No, hold on a second. That's the clean zone. The bed is a clean zone. What?

The bed is a clean zone. The bed doesn't need to be a clean zone. The bed is a clean zone. So you don't fuck in beds? Yeah, I will fuck in a bed, of course. But you won't jerk off in a bed. But you don't fuck yourself in bed. I don't jerk off in. I don't jerk off in a bed. But you don't fuck yourself in bed. I don't jerk off in, I don't,

I don't jack off in beds anymore. Anymore, but there was a period of time that you did. There was a long period of time where I jacked off in beds. This is true. Is there a traumatizing experience? Yeah, is there something happening? Oh wait, Mitch, that's true. I didn't jack off in bed.

I didn't believe you until you emphasized it. I like, as an adult man, I don't jack off in beds at all anymore. What about in a hotel? What about in a hotel? Yeah. No. But you don't have to clean it up. Oh my God.

Don't shower in a hotel. That's, what the fuck is wrong with that? What? I don't jerk off in the sheets. They have to wash them. Yeah, that's horrible. And then there's gunk in the sheets. I don't want gunked up sheets.

Yeah. You don't have to have gunked. They'll change the sheets. I know, but even, it's gonna be in there for some sort of time Yeah, what's the other thing I'd jack off and put it on my belly and look like a fucking fool I don't know rub it in maybe a little moisturizer Maybe you'll suddenly be soft to the touch

You could take a little you could do a little bit of prep and be like hey, I'll get a washcloth Yeah, I'll get some tissues from the bathroom. Oh yeah, this is what I'm thinking. You know what, I'm about to jack off. Maybe I'll get a washcloth. No way, it's fucking time to jack off. You're not doing any prep. You're just like- Time to get the gunk out.

That's what I'm thinking. Just all of a sudden just spontaneously? What if you treated yourself nice and got yourself like a hot towel, like a warm damp towel to jerk off into. Here's a little intimacy kit to prep to pair myself. Yeah, get a little intimacy kit. Isn't it embarrassing when you jack off

onto your belly anyways? Well, that's our show. Ha ha ha ha. Embarrassing? Why is it embarrassing? You're alone. I'm like, I'm fucking putting the load on myself. It's kind of fun.

I don't know. But that's what the towel's for. Yes. So get a towel. You wear a t-shirt. You wear a t-shirt. Because then you have to wipe it off your belly anyway. Nothing on my belly?

That's fucking wild. This is why you're in the shower. I was, so when I was on. I guess, yeah, you would be sitting. Oh, no, you're laying down. You're laying down when you're jacking off. Oh. Depends on the person. But you don't have to do that.

It sounds like something, because sometimes you're standing. Yeah, sometimes you're standing in the shower. Unless you lay down in your shower. I used to. What? When I was younger, I did lay down in my shower. This is all true.

This actually all ties into the first time you jacked off. This is, when my dad. How big was the shower? My dad walked in on into the first time you jacked off. This is when my dad walked in on me the first time I jacked off. When you were laying down in the shower? Yes. As I was finishing. This is the truth. Yeah, I don't want kids.

That doesn't, that's not for me. I'm like ashamed of myself. So wait, what happened? I was masturbating. That I know. And then as you came, your dad- So the WHDH news lady, I remember specifically, it was like, I had gone to,

I had gone to, on a field trip in middle school, and guys were talking about jacking off. And I was like, I haven't jacked off yet, this is embarrassing, I need to get this over with. I need to jack off. There was a lady on the news who I thought was attractive. I was like, I haven't jacked off yet, this is embarrassing, I need to get this over with, I need to jack off. There was a lady on the news who I thought was attractive, I was like, I watched the news. This is a different time, I watched the news.

You can still jerk off to newscasters. 100%, I do, but. A train derailed outside of Boston. Ha ha ha! It was the story on the Unbreakable event. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about.

I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about.

I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about.

I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm not sure what you shower was on. I took some baby shampoo. Baby shampoo? I masturbated. Matt, you learned the hard way. That's not the best idea.

It's okay, it's fine. Why did you have baby shampoo? Does the no tears transfer down below or no? Emma, that is horrifying. That's a great question. Honestly, it kind of does. That's great. Fun.

Masturbated. As I was finishing, my dad basically opened up the shower. Yes. He's basically almost stepped on my head. Oh boy, seeing daddy's foot after you come. I like went there, I was like, oh boy, that is scary. Intense. No daddy, no!

Yeah. Oh yes, no daddy. I got a picture of his foot still, so. It's the only way I can get off now. Is it just like in your shower hangover? I do, the shower is easy cleanup. I know that you say that's a clean zone, but it's an easy cleanup. I guess, you say that's a clean zone, but it's an easy cleanup.

I guess, yeah. Yeah. So we've talked about this before. I have, I do sometimes just jack off into the shower. I don't understand that like over a toilet, but I guess- The toilet's a tough aim. I don't know what you're doing there. Well, the toilet's a dirty zone. Yeah, the toilet's disgusting, but I'm just saying like,

if you're purely from a standpoint of, I just want less cleanup, that feels like even, you know. Look, we're not gonna get to the bottom of this today. I feel like you can't aim. You can't aim come, can you? Eh. Because I feel like it's splattered, maybe it dribbles out.

Now look, some people can, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, if you're gunked up, it's shower time, for sure. Shower time. Anyways, this brought down gunked up, it's shower time, for sure. Shower time. Anyways, this brought down the room. We were having fun. Here's what I was, the thought I was having while we were going through this revolting conversation

is I served on a jury. I met some people, a bunch of strangers, and you get to having some small talk. I mentioned that. Were you juror number two? I mentioned that I was juror number two. I was not sure number two, it was a different number. I mentioned being- But was the case about you? The having some small talk. I mentioned that. Were you juror number two? I mentioned that I was juror number two. I was not juror number two, it was different number. I mentioned being-

But was the case about you? The case was about me. Okay. But I did, I shared at a certain point that I have a podcast and the end people were like, like, hey, what's your podcast? I'm gonna check it out. And just the fact that some of these lovely people

that I met who come from different walks of life may be listening to this episode. Oh, boo hoo. I thought he was so nice. Yeah. He's so normal. Now he's talking about clean zones and jerking off and his co-host dabbed foot. This is real.

This is real stuff. You're on a jury. You saw the harshness of the world. It's true. This is the real world. Fucking grow up, fucking jurors. Don't yell at them. Don't yell at them.

Don't yell at them. Fuck them. Fuck them. Yeah. But they're listening for the first time. Fuck off, we don't need you. I don't think anyone's gonna listen. Yeah, they're not gonna listen, you see this guy?

If he told you, I have a podcast, would you listen to it? Yeah, I think you're a friendly person. Oh, what a nice thing to say. I listened to a podcast, and we're like, I have a podcast, and I met you in the wild. Me? What do you mean, me? I'm a podcast and I met you in the wild. Me? Yeah, what do you mean me?

I'm looking at you. I said it to you and you went me? Like a fucking part two. If I didn't know this freak and I met him in public and he said, I have a podcast, there's no way on earth I'm listening to that. Yes you would, you've been podcasting together for 10 years.

I don't listen to podcasts, all right, moving on. We went to the Alhambra Applebee's. It is a small footprint for an Applebee's. I think it's more the size of like a Panera. It's not like a bit, like the Applebee's have like these huge like dining rooms and it's not one of those. And it's also as part of a complex.

It's not like its own building. But it definitely is the Applebee's vibes. And we started with some drinks. I got the Rockin' Poppin' Shirley, which is a Shirley temple that had some strawberry pop rocks within it. And Mitch, the other N.A. bev we got was the Mountain Dew Dark Berry Blast that you mentioned,

which is an exclusive Applebee's flavor. Which our waitress- Which our waitress- Which our waitress didn't know. Yeah, she had no idea. She was like, really? Only we have it? Yeah. I was like, yeah, bitch, read the menu. I feel like that Which our waitress didn't know. Our server didn't know that. She had no idea. She was like, really, only we have it? I was like, yeah bitch, read the menu.

I feel like that happens a lot when restaurants have an exclusive soda flavor. When we ask for it, the servers are like, what are you talking about? And you have to be like, I saw this thing. Mountain Dew also is one of those, they have a bunch of exclusive flavors, like Baja Blast most famously,

but they've got an exclusive flavor at Buffalo Wild Wings. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll just stumble uponings. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll just stumble upon them. Yeah, I mentioned this to the server. I mean, I was trying to have some banter. She didn't care. No, she simply said, I clocked in.

I'll bring you what you asked for. I will not check in on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is also true. That was a slight issue. And then a big thing with this, what was the drink called again? The Rockin' Poppin' Shirley. A big thing is that we had a big spill here.

Yes. His Weiger knocked over, he was gonna go around me. We were telling secrets. Look, here's the thing. Okay, so Mitch had a secret. Mitch has good gossip. And Mitch was going to disclose-

Oh, hold on a second. Don't put me out there as a gossip guy. Mitch, you are a gossip guy. You are a gossip guy. You're such a gossip guy. Maybe I know some stuff. Coming to the CW, gossip guy. Hey, it's me.

If you like gossip girls, but you don't like ladies, gossip guys are for you. Gossip guys for you. You were going to disclose a secret. I was gonna disclose a little secret, it's true. You just told us a little secret. Teeny tiny. And you really wanted to know it, and I was fine not knowing it, and you were gonna feel better about sharing something if fewer people knew it.

So I volunteered. It's a thing that we, this is complicated, because the thing that we can know. You don't need to get any more specific. And it was something that I was like, I won't tell this person, but we can know it for a reason.

Yes. Yeah. And so I- You should just stay that vague. Don't get any more specific. I won't get any more specific. I don't know. I don't know. I don't need to get any more specific. And it was something that I was like, I won't tell this person, but we can know it for a reason. Yes. Yeah. And so I- You should just stay that vague. Don't get any more specific.

I won't get any more specific. So I volunteered to leave the table and thinking I'm being noble here. And then you turned into a cartoon character, hit your head on a light, knocked over your drink. Somehow all of the drink ended up in a plate. Nothing ended up on you. It was really wild. Yeah, I- You knocked over a ended up in a plate. Nothing ended up on you. It was really wild.

Yeah, I-I-I hit- You knocked over a full drink onto a plate. Look, there was a dangling lamp over the table, which was a hazard. You hit your head into it and you got electrocuted. I hit my head into it. That's what happened. Yeah!

And then you knocked over the drink. And I flailed my arm wildly and I knocked over my entire Shirley Temple. Yes, Nicole is right, that it kind of like, all settled into a reservoir. You were hiccuping little sparks. On a share plate. Zzzzz.

Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz.

Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. And you could control electricity after that, is that correct? Yes. The way you just laughed sounded like a wake apnea. And you could control electricity after that, is that correct? Yes.

The way you just laugh sounded like a wake apnea. I do have a deviated septum, I found out. Wow. Get a nose job. I'm gonna get it fixed, but then I am afraid that it will make my nose look different. I don't want my nose to look different. No, they can undeviate your septum and keep your nose.

Okay, all right, that's what I wanna do. Because I do think that it will help me breathe more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's always like, there is like a, you know. Yeah, right. It sounds like a, it sounds like chimp-like.

It's like a- Chimp-like? It's like, you know how like monkeys grunt and stuff? Like when I'm breathing, it's like, it's like that. It's chimp-adjacent. It's chimp-adjacent. But what are we?

Beside the most evolved ape. Yes. Did you watch Chimp Crazy? Yes, I did. Did you love it? It was wild. It is wild. I really loved that lady with the blonde hair who,

I don't wanna say it because it's a spoiler, but. Look, let me, since you guys know it and I don't know it, I'll just get up and get out of here. But you don't have a drink to knock over. Yes. That was satisfying. That was very funny to me. I mean, I love, there's a big reveal

in the Chimp Crazy documentary and it is so funny. It's so unhinged. It's very, very, very funny. there's a big reveal in the Chimp Crazy documentary and it is so funny. It's so unhinged. It's very, very, very funny. It's a good reveal. Did you watch it? It's worth watching, I didn't watch it. It was good. It's fun. It's good? It is good. It's fun.

I mean, it does get a little harrowing when they talk about the monkeys being like, hey, I don't wanna be in this kind of captivity. I'm gonna rip your face off. I'm so fucking scared of chimps. If I was ever a thing like, hey, we're gonna- This will absolutely reinforce your fear of chimps. Yeah, because if they were ever like,

because they're so strong. Like, I remember reading a thing of like, hey, what if you tried to wrestle a chimp? They're like, well, they would just rip your bicep off. Oh my God. They're so strong. Ugh. And so if I was ever in a context where they're like,

hey, we're doing this chimp movie. Do you want to work on it? I'd be like, no, I'm going nowhere near that. I don't want to get fucking killed by a chimp. Yeah, me either. Not how I want to go. I was trying to think of this. Who are you texting?

I'm not texting anyone. I'm looking up, oh, it is true. Mike Tyson, remember he asked the zookeeper to fight a gorilla one time? Yes. Which I love that story, because I am also like, would Mike Tyson be the guy who maybe could have

beaten a gorilla? Is he a guy who, or would he have just, or would Mike Tyson, the guy in my head who's at his prime, is the strongest man in the world? Right? Who's tougher than when Mike Tyson was at his prime? I'm not talking about this last Netflix fight. Not walking in Cornyn's face, but when he was in his 20s...

I mean, Mike Tyson would still kill you right now. Of course, of course, yes. But like when he was in his 20s, would... I'm like, would he... I mean, he bit an ear off a person. I don't think I have the strength for that. That is wild. And that was past his prime, Tyson.

But if you watch like those old fights when he was like, he would knock someone out within the first round. That's what I'm saying. Wait, that was past his prime and he bit in your off? Yeah, that was after he got out of prison. That was after his comeback phase. I'm saying was he so strong

that if he like punched a chimfer monkey, would they be like, fuck, like when they get fucked up by it. I think they feel it, but I think they still- Is it a possibility? I think they feel it, but I think they still. Is it a possibility? I think they feel it, but I think he'd still be in a lot of trouble with Cigarilla. I think so too. You think that he would just get ripped apart still.

I think so, yeah, because they're just so much stronger. They're so strong, they're scary. They are, and they bite, right? They rip your face off right away. If you're talking about a gorilla, you're talking about, that's like 600 pounds of muscle. It's like, that's so, I mean. The one in the, they talk about in the documentary

that Travis the Chimp, the like famous story, he ripped the door off of the police car. Oh, right. Yeah, it's sick, it's wild. Yeah. Maybe they came from an ape planet and the yellow sun of earth gave them superpowers. Oh my God.

It is like a dumb, I just realized that I am like a dumb kid that I am like, maybe Tyson could take them. Like in my mind, I'm like, maybe he could, maybe he could kick the shit out. It's fun to fantasize about it. I don't think it's actually could happen. Unfortunately. Well, they are, they're in the, in the-

When you get gunked up, just think about that. That's not a sexual thing. Ha ha ha ha! Think about Mike Tyson beating up on a monkey. There's stuff in that when they get older, too, when chimps get older, when they're little, they're not a big problem. But when they get older, they get like crusty and fucked up

and like they're scary. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's they hit puberty and they get strong and then they're like, I don't wanna be here with these people. I gotta wear overalls again. Yeah. Like imagine being a killer being forced to wear overalls.

And now they're not in, they aren't allowed in movies anymore. That, I mean, it's very good CG work, but the chimp attack and nope is harrowing. That's a rough one. Our favorite Jordan Peele, you and I. Yeah, I like, I like Nope a lot. I haven't seen Nope.

Nope is great. I should see it. Nope is good. That's my favorite one of his. I like it. Okay, so the other drinks we got, the boozy drinks, Perfect Strawberry Margarita and a Berry Mary Colada, which had a Santa gummy, which Mitch- Which Mitch said out loud to the server,

will it come with the Santa gummy? And she was like, I don't know any of our menu. She, I think she maybe did just ignore that question. Yeah. You both laughed at me for asking about the Santa gummy. It was really funny. It was very funny. I will also just say, when I had my Mr. Bean pratfall earlier,

you both laughed very hard, and a lot of the restaurant terms were like, It was really funny. It was very funny. I will also just say, when I had my Mr. Bean prat fall earlier, you both laughed very hard and a lot of the restaurant turned and looked at me. Yes. It was very embarrassing. Oh, wait, really? Oh, no. It was really embarrassing.

I did laugh too. It was one of those moments where I was like, I'm being like, that was an obnoxious laugh. I laughed so loud. I'm so sorry. No, it's fine. I cannot contain giggles at any point. Oh, I don't blame you.

And it was just so fucking funny. So the restaurant turned to see you be like They were looking cuz you got electrocuted Is he okay? It was so loud, too I think as much as anything it was the noise of me hitting my head going like ah fuck and then knocking the entire glass over And then you're like laugh at me. Well look. And then you're shooting lightning out of your hands. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Wow, okay. I thought it was, you tasted it, you didn't taste it though. I didn't taste it. Did you like it? I liked it, it was stronger than I thought it would be, which is maybe probably a good thing at Applebee's, because mine was white and then had red and green stripes

and then it just like mixed together and just kind of looked like, it did not, it looked like gunk. It looked like gunk. It did look like gunk. It did look a little bit like what I imagined gunk to look like. Yeah, it was like off white, yellowish,

kind of not great looking. Oof. Sorry, I didn't have to describe it. It did look like gunk. It looked bad. It did not look good, but it tasted decent. It was good. It was like a pina colada.

I'd say the drink's kind of a highlight, honestly, all around. I like the Shirley Temple. I thought it was really, really flavorful. You warned us about the Mountain Dew. For me, it's a lot of sugar. Very sweet. And it's very, very sweet.

And the color is a little upsetting. It is the color of my socks. Which you're like, I can't drink that. An unnaturally blue hue. It looks like windshield wiper fluid. I guess it's a little less, whatever. It's scary. It's a scary color. Yeah, it was intense.

It's definitely, it does not look like organic matter. I liked it okay. I like, I certainly like my- The yellow sun of Earth, it doesn't look like organic matter. You are a freak, man. You don't seem like a human being sometimes. Yes, he does.

I'm sorry, what do you want from me? Try to mute my vocab. No, we like your vocab. You know what, we love you. What was that word you said that was too much for Mitch? Contemporaneous. Oh, I love that you remembered. Good word.

What does it mean? Happening at the same time as. I knew, I know that word. But it's a useful word because that encapsulating that entire idea within one word, contemporaneous, it's useful. I liked it. Yeah.

Feel free to give it a whirl. He's a wordsmith. He loves throwing words out there. And I'm a malaprop. I use words incorrectly. That's fun too though. And you know what? Here's the other thing.

As a wordsmith who's also kind of dumb, I will oftentimes do some malaprop myself. I'll misuse a word. So that's fine. Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. It's fine. We love you just the way you are. Mitch, we love you too.

We love you. Nicole, we love you. Aw, thank you. KC, we love you. Emma, we love you. We love you. We love you. Jemmy, we love you.

We love you. Who? Jemmy, I love you the most. Oh, Jem. I was like, wait, who? So Jemmy is hiding on the floor. Jemmy usually comes over and sits there with, who? So Jemmy is hiding on the floor. Jemmy usually comes over and sits there with Papa Mitch,

but it's not happening today for some reason, even though a lot of cheese was given. I know, look, I've been gone for three months. It's been a- Hey, Jemmy. Jemmy, come over here. Come over here, sweetie. Are you cold?

I think Jemmy is cold. Are you cold? Is that a- Travis? Oh, good stretch. Is that a- You have this? Oh, good stretch. Is that, is my voice talking to Jimmy really that much creeper than the way he's doing it right now? Oh, it is, okay.

Yeah, it's really upsetting. Ha ha! All right, never mind. Are you cold, baby girl? Are you cold? Cold, sweetie? I'll bring your coat next time. Aw.

Oh, she's got a coat? That's cute as hell. That is really cute. You should see this girl in the snow, she does not like it. I could imagine, I don't like the snow. Yeah, I don't like the snow. I wanna go back to, I said that on X, Twitter,

which I'm gonna get off X, I need to get off X, because it is just now truth social is the same thing. I mean, the memes are funny. I giggle a lot on Twitter. I mean, some of the memes are funny. I mean. I giggle a lot on Twitter. I mean, me too, it's gotten insane. It is very, yeah. It's gotten insane. Very right leaning.

People like Blue Sky. Blue Sky is the new one. Yeah, I say Blue Sky is the new one. Maybe I just don't have to do any of them. You don't have to do it. I'm not doing it. I'm not moving to another platform. I stopped doing, I got off of social media

for what I thought was a month and would end up being just like forever, like a couple of years ago, and it's, my life is better. And you don't miss it. Like I do it at Facebook, and I don't think about Facebook at all, but I do have a dummy Facebook now because Facebook Marketplace is happening.

I've heard this about Facebook Marketplace. It's great. Like in a way where people don't understand things that they have are more valuable than what they're selling it at. Wow. So you can get some very nice deals and some very nice stuff.

Wow. Mm-hmm. Boy, I just, I hate, ugh. I hate the idea of doing anything with meta, but I guess I also like, I have a fucking meta quest, so I have a VR headset, so. What's a meta quest? It's a VR headset.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I don't like that. It gives me motion sickness. This is the thing, like I got it for specific video games and I found I don't use it very often. He does a restaurant simulator with it. Yes.

And in that world he knocks over his drink and he gets electrocuted. It still happens. He's working on it so that it doesn't happen in real life. I do have a game that is a restaurant simulator. Like you work in the restaurant and you have to like make food for people. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really fun.

That's a fun game. Yeah. I played that too. That's a fun game. Make the hamburgers? I can't remember the name of it right now, but yeah. Me either. There was a hamburger game on the Nintendo way back in the day.

Well yeah, way back in the day there was the classic arcade game Burger Time where you played the chef Peter Pepper assembling giant hamburgers. But the- Wait, what is the name of this? Burger Time. How will I remember? Do you want me to text it to you? Yes.

Burger Time. Burger Time. That's not gonna help me. Which is, it sounds like an All's Toe Boys. It does. Like the Pussy Boys. Yeah, we're talking about Burger Time with the Pussy Friends.

The Pussy Friends, that's what it was. Drinks, I'm having fun. I haven't seen you in a long time. I, we haven't had dinner with you in a while. I know, it was great. We all have to get out. Yeah, it was nice. It was a nice. This is the, again, I said earlier,

that's the, this is the ideal dough boy's experience. The dough boys with the guest all together, all sharing one meal at the restaurant. It was delightful. That's what we wanna do with the podcast. I had a nice time. I'm glad we were able to do that with Applebee's. I'm glad we were able to do that. And Alhambra, it was, it was, it was, it was a,

Let's get, let's get into the food. Mitch is already in it. We got the classic combo, which was all the classic apps you love. Boneless wings, spinach and artichoke dip, chicken quesadilla and mozzarella sticks. We also got the neighborhood nachos with beef. Very standard issue nachos.

I honestly feel like those nachos are not really much of a step up from Del Taco or Taco Bell nachos. They're kind of fast food nachos. They were a little disappointing. I wanted the meat to have a little bit more seasoning. Yes. Like I think it was just, it was overall bland, but I did like the sampler.

The sampler was fun. And you know, Mitch, this is a thing I said to Nicole, the restaurant is that you and I have eaten so many of these sampler platters over the years. I feel like this is one of our most commonly eaten like menu items. Well, it gets a little taste of each. The only taste of everything.

And so we're used to this format. I thought this one was pretty good. I liked the mozzarella sticks. I liked the spinach and artichoke dip more than I expected. And I thought the chicken quesadilla got the job done the bonus wings were whatever. I thought overall it was kind of bland,

but I still liked it. I thought, you know what? Here's a criticism. The buffalo chicken, very salty. It was a little too salty. I usually will get them sauce-less and then order the sauce on the side so I can control the sauce.

But I was like, we can get them sauced. I know people prefer it that way. I love the mozzarella sticks. I thought they were really good. I love the artichoke dip, the spinach artichoke dip. And I agree the quesadilla was like, great. It's a chicken quesadilla. Here's another-

It's a fun sample. Here's another bit- The items are fun. The items are fun. Another complaint though, cause you also get some chips as part of it. And then there's a pico de gallo. I don't think that pico de gallo has much flavor.

I think they need a better salsa. Yeah. And you can dip the quesadilla in it too, but you know, it doesn't really need it. But a perfectly serviceable appetizer sampler and nachos are kind of disappointing. The burgers. Here's where we get into the pickles dispute.

And this was a whole thing. Pickle gate. The pickle gate was a whole like mystery that I could not unpack. And when it finally got solved, I was shocked. You both got classic bacon cheeseburgers. Nicole, you ordered yours without pickles. Mitch, you wanted the pickles.

They arrive, neither of them has pickles, which takes a second to figure out. Yes, the child holding it was like, I don't know how to look. And then was like lifting it and lowering it and lifting it. It was actually truly, cause you were like, which one has,

cause she said, Nicole said, I ordered mine without pickles. Yeah, and there wasn't even like a flag in one of them to indicate or anything like that. And it was like, it felt like way too long of the guy being like looking and looking. It was funny, like lowering it and lifting it and lowering it and lift.

And then you were like, well, you look. And I was like, no, let your fingies touch it. And then that kid really liked when I said fingies. He did like it. He was like, oh, fingies. Then we found out neither of them had pickles. Neither of them had pickles, which was, to me, I'm a pickle lover.

I like it. So you ordered a plate of pickles. I ordered a side, I said, can I? You said, can I have a big platter of pickles? I said, give me as many pickles as you got back there. Give me just a jar of pickles. And she said, you got it. Actually, that's not true.

She walked by me first and then I got her. She's great. I'm not trying to be mean to her. It's clearly- Maybe too many tables. Too many tables. Maybe she was mostly in another part of the restaurant. We did get like, though, left alone for a little bit.

I also think she's a pretty person at a job she doesn't belong at. Your theory of the- She's very pretty. She's very pretty, yeah. And you know, it's tough for pretty people to have jobs. And also, she was very nice,

but I also like this guy who's like, is there a gummy bear in my drink? Can I get a sign of pickles? Probably pretty annoying. Sorry, I spilled my Shirley Temple. No! Our side of the table was... Pop rocks.

But then when she brought the napkins, they were like bathroom napkins. She did bring a bunch of paper towels from the bathroom. Yeah. That's disgusting. Because it was like a class five spill. They had to do something. Oh my god. I thought this was for your hand. And then, you like, Weiger, you like took the plate

of liquid and slid it in front of Mitch, and then Mitch was like, whoa! And then she tried to pick it up, and she just went, I'll put a napkin on it, and picked the smallest napkin, and just placed it on top, and I was like, this pretty lady doesn't understand that that's not gonna absorb any of it. To give her credit, she did bring you another drink,

which was a mistake, because you could have just spilled that one as well. But there was Pop Rocks in that thing, it was popping and it was a nightmare. But she brought us those paper towels. You then go on, you're the one who spills the drink. We use all our napkins to help you out. And then you go on to hog all the paper towels.

You did hog the bathroom napkins. I'm sorry. I apologize. You hogged the bathroom napkins. You didn't give us the bathroom napkins. I know. I different because the napkins, they were brought to clean up the spill. But then the other napkins got used. I just got all discombobulated. I apologize. So you had a pile of bathroom napkins.

Nicole and I have no napkins. Look, I got electrocuted, what do you want from me? And every time you tried to give us a napkin, since you were electrocuted, they kept sparking lighting on fire. And that's why people were looking, you were causing a fire. But I ordered the pickles.

Man, having the wielding the power of electricity would be pretty awesome. It's pretty good. The storm from the X-Men would be rad. Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah, that would be cool. Having Storm's powers would be cool. Not just electricity, you need more than electricity. You can control the weather, right,

but just electricity alone is pretty good. It's not Ernest goes to prison, just itself would not be as fun. It'd be pretty good though. I mean, it's better than nothing. Like the Lekman from Mega Man? Yeah. You're doing all right.

It's better than nothing. I wanna control the weather so I can keep it sunny, but breezy for me. Oh, that's nice. I like a nice 68 degree day outside. That's what I would keep it at. It's a little cold. It's a little warmer.

I think it's nice. Well, I mean, if it's 68, but then sunny, sunny. Like it has to be like really sunny, no overcast. I like it cooler. Too hot. I think this is the New England side of you. Like things a little cooler. I don't know, too hot. I think this is the New England side of you. Oh, yeah. I like things a little cooler.

The Boston side of you. Get me, get me, get me. I said an Irish accent. I'm tired of the Boston side. The dropkick Murphys have a pint. The dropkick Murphys have a pint. Aren't they an Irish band? They came to, wait, were you at that show?

No. No, you weren't at that show. You weren't at that show. They were at one of our Boston shows. Oh, that's right. Tim. Tim. Tim.

Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Are they an Irish band? They came to... Wait, were you at that show? No! No, you weren't at that show. You weren't at that show. They were at our Wipeout Boss show. Oh, that's fun!

Tim. What's up, Tim? Tim from Dropkick Murphy's. Tim Brennan, yeah? No, I was at a show where someone vomited in the balcony and everyone was so chill about it. And then they blamed it on my Quincy friends. They were like, Mitch's Quincy friends were farting and puking in the balcony. I was like. If you capped in during the first show, your Quincy friends got cut off before the start of the second show.

Okay, to clear this off, to clear this up, it was Woohoo who got cut off. And he was just buying people drinks. And they're like, you can't, he bought too many people drinks. You and I were texting that pic of Donovan Mitchell, your NBA namesake in underwear, this huge hog. Yeah, well, to be clear, you also texted that, not me.

Okay, well, we were all group texting about it. I would like to see the huge hog. Let me see if we can bring it up. But he's in underwear, but it's a substantial bulge. That's fine. It doesn't go from Donovan Mitchell to Donovan Mitchell. Yeah. Not every Donovan Mitchell has that.

The bulge is on it. It's a bulge. I feel like you've said your penis is small too many times, but I don't believe it. Oh my God. I feel like it. No, I'm saying I think it's bigger. Oh, oh, thank you.

You got what I was saying, right? I feel insane. Like you said it's small so many times, it's actually huge. Yeah. No, no, no. So on the left is Shay Gilders Alexander, on the right is Donovan Mitchell. This meme began with the poster said, we out-meeted Shay, which is the Donovan Mitchell fan

saying that he has a bigger hog. So you can kind of see that there. These are two of the best two players on two of the best teams in the NBA. and Mitchell fans saying that he has a bigger hog. So you can kind of see that there. These are two of the best two players on two of the best teams in the NBA. Whoa. Pretty substantial, right? That's nice.

Yeah. And Nicole, can I now say that I did a sketch on Jimmy Kimmel with Jack Allison where I wore a skin suit and people commented, where are their dicks? This is the truth. Oh no! Wait, this is... Yeah, and then there is a Shay Gilder's Alexander fan people commented, where are their dicks? This is the truth. Oh no!

Wait, this is... Yeah, and then there's a Shay Gilder's Alexander fan arguing that out bulging does not mean out meeting, that he might actually have a bigger bulge, but maybe not actually bigger meat, it just could be more flattering under her. Boy, what a dream. My mom was talking about- He looks great, they both look great.

My mom was talking about how she's wrong. Talking about hogs? My mom was like, sumo's wrong. Talking about hogs? My mom was like, sumo wrestlers get castrated so that they don't, um... Like, that's like a part of the thing. I was like, that's not true, Mom. That's like an old wives' tale.

I don't know if that's maybe not the right word to say anymore. Old wives' tale. You can say old wives' tale. Old wives' tale. Mitch, if you get canceled for saying old wives' tale, I just don't even know what the world is. After I described how I jerked off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, my mom was like, they, they used to get castrated. That's how I get working. And then I was like, I'm going to look this up. And I looked it up and then it said, the first thing that came up was like, do, do Sumos have the power to lift their sacks into their bodies, their testicles into the power. That's that they get to the yellow sun, that's what they get to do.

Do they have the ability to do that? Which I was like, is that an ability that you can do? I never heard this before. Here, try it right now, try to suck them up. Oh! Oh! Uh, we'll be right back. Uh, we'll be right back.

Uh, we'll be right back. Uh, we'll be right back. We're back. You all right? Yeah, Wags, we went to the bathroom, Wags helped me get him out. The whole thing. Honestly, that would be sweet, and I do think you would help. I would help.

It would be- He would help. Your friendship is really heartwarming. Oh, that's wow, yeah. It really is. We have our bumps in the road, but there's a lot of affection for each other. Yeah, you would help pull my balls out of my body, I guess, is what we're saying here. Yeah. Yeah, you would help pull my balls out of my body, I guess is what we're saying here.

You gunked up, buddy? Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You gunked up, buddy? That was upsetting in the best way. You gunked up, buddy? I got the quesadilla burger. Wait, so we got to put a bit on the pickles dispute.

Oh, yeah, yeah. OK, so she came back to the table and she goes, oh, we're out of pickles. We're out of pickles. We're out of pickles. We're out of pickles? The prestige. We're out of pickles? We're out of pickles.

How can you be out of pickles? I don't know. I don't know. It is nearly as crazy as saying we're out of burgers. And how does the food runner not know that? Yes, I mean, that is the other side of it. Which a part of me just thinks, I was like, can I get a side of pickles?

And maybe they just were like, we don't wanna open a new one. Yeah, we don't wanna deal with it. We don't wanna deal with this. Very well could have been the case. It's a possibility. I don't think so. I don't think a bit.

It's so easy to give a side of pickles. It's not like a ordeal. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, it was an odd interaction. I got the quesadilla burger, which comes with bacon, so I got no bacon on it, and they upgraded to waffle fries. How were your fries?

I liked them. You liked your fries? They were hot, they were fresh. I like an Applebee's fry. I was kind of disappointed that you got waffle fries. Well, we were gonna share- We got to share. We were gonna share our meals.

We were gonna share the quesadilla burger, and we were gonna share this other dish. We did- Chipotle honey chicken mac and cheese. I'm shh. Which I warned you. You warned us. I said it was nasty.

You said it was nasty. You said it was awful. And I agree with your verdict, which we'll get to. You, but Mitch, you're glad that you got a bacon cheeseburger and a cheeseburger, right? You're glad. We'll get to your verdict. This guy's been on the jury a little too long.

All right. Mitch, you're out of order. Okay, well. The dish is officially called the four cheese mac and cheese with honey pepper chicken tenders. The honey is, I think, the big issue, but the mac and cheese isn't working either. But let's talk burgers first.

You were disappointed I got the waffle fries? Why is that? Because I just, there's few places where I like the waffle fries more, and it's, I think, only Carl's Jr. Where I like the, where I like the... But didn't you get normal fries? I got normal fries.

But this is after all the whole... Oh, I see, I see before. This is after the whole thing. I see before. Every single component of every single thing had bacon was the issue. Yes. Was that the mac and cheese thing and the quesadilla burger, everything had bacon.

And so I was just like, let's just forget this. I'll just get a burger. So I went with the bacon. And I was on the spot how to come up with it. I didn't know what to do. I got a bacon cheeseburger with no pickles. It was just like such a boring burger. I like wish I could have done something different,

but it wasn't a bad tasting burger. It was decent tasting. I couldn't eat, I didn't have an appetite, weirdly, which never happens to me. That's okay. So I could only, I mean, I still ate probably like 3000 calories worth of food. Yeah, I ate so much. I ate half my-

Well, we did have a lot of appetizers. Yeah, a lot of appetizers. I ate half my burger. It was decent, it was just very boring, and there's like, they don't even give you mayo as an option. We had a lot of appetizers, I ate half my burger. It was decent, it was just very boring. And there's like, they don't even give you mayo as an option. It's just as like a, it's lettuce, tomato, onion, bacon, and a cheeseburger with nothing on it.

No condiments. There's no condiments. It's dry, it's a dry burger. It's a dry guy. And I love dry, I like a dry burger. I don't like a saucy burger. Sure. I'm a very plain lady.

Like I eat hot dogs plain. I endorse that. I like it plain. I think a plain hot dog is fine. Is fine. I just, when it's a dry burger like that, I just feel like you need to have like the options of condiments.

You need like ketchup and mustard and mayo. Well they had ketchup on the table. They did. And I guess I could have asked for mayo and mustard, but I was just like, I'm just going to dip it in ketchup and call it a day. But can you imagine eating, and with no pickles as well, pickles would, I know you don't like them.

They're nasty. But pickles would do some work for me in that scenario. It would certainly help with it feeling like less of a dry guy. Can you imagine eating that burger, if you didn't eat ketchup or something, just eating that burger dry like that? Yeah.

It's so fucking boring. I get what you're saying. I wouldn't have just eating that burger dry like that, it's so fucking boring. I get what you're saying. You like it. I like it. I think it has a buttery bun. It does have a buttery bun. It did have a buttery bun. I like that buttery bun.

It did have a very buttery bun. And the bun is like a little crispy on the edges. I like an Applebee's burger. Also, I'm very nostalgic as like a kid. I used to get Applebee's burgers when I was a kid, and then my Apple Chimmy Cheesecake, which they do not have. I don't know if I've ever been to an Applebee's,

and there's an Applebee's in Quincy, which is one, that's what I wanted to break, that's what I wanted to break through with, oh jeez. That's the first one I wanted to go to. Was it there when you were growing up? It came later on. Maybe after you moved out. I have been to Applebee's a number of times

over the course of my life, but it is the one of, if we talk about the kind of the triforce of the sort of sit down bar and grill chains of Chili's, TGI Fridays, and Applebee's, it's the one I've been to the least. But I do like Applebee's overall, and I was interested to see how it held up with my return. Do you feel like, okay, so I love chilies

and I feel like chilies is just spicy Applebee's. It is very much. I think it's kind of like a Tex-Mex Applebee's. I think my chilies might actually predate Applebee's. I could be wrong on that. I'll have to look it up. This was a topic of conversation last night. We said, is chilies better than Applebee's?

And I think we all said yes. I would say yes, but you didn't have a great experience with your most recent chilies visit. No, it was a little upsetting. I got the, it was like a skillet cookie, and it was as if they put so much sugar in the fucking cookie that I just like, simply couldn't eat it.

But I do love the Southwestern Egg Rolls. Those are always a win. Their apps are really fun. And I also will say, I think one thing I like about Chili's is I think they have more signature dishes. Like Applebee's has like the riblets, which I've like, whatever, I don't need the riblets. They have a quesadilla salad, which I almost got,

but I was like kind of like very familiar with it. So I was like, I don't know if I need to get this again. I got the quesadilla burger, which is pretty distinct, but they don't have a lot of like, oh yeah, that's the thing I go to Applebee's for. I feel like it's more about the cocktails. Yes. The quesadilla burger was fun.

I liked it. I liked the quesadilla burger. I liked it quite a bit. It was nice. It was fun. I thought it was a food. The way you tried to eat it really upset me. You forgot the bottom part of it. I forgot the bottom part. And then you were just like,

like you were fingering meat. Like I really hated it. I was like, please pick that up. I hated it so much. I was not fingering meat. You were fing so much. I was not fingering meat. You were fingering meat. I was not fingering meat. Ew, well don't do all that.

I was doing air quotes. I don't know. I was not. You went, I was not fingering meat. No, I was not doing that. I was not fingering meat. I don't, I don't do that sort of thing. You were, you picked it up and I like,

watched your hand move a little. You were fingering the meat. I did not do that in, no, I don't do that. I don't, I don't do that sort of thing. You were, you picked it up and I like watched your hand move a little. You were fingering the meat. I do not do that in gen, no, I don't do that. I don't, I don't do that stuff, man. I'll never finger the meat. I've touched a female genitalia before. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah.

My guy. Of course you react to that because it's the most alien thing I've said. I love that you answered a question that nobody had. Well, okay. The quesadilla was such a, it was a little bit mushy. And now if you like dry guys, this thing was the opposite. One half of it was just a mess and it had like lettuce, tomato, whatever on there.

And describe it to people who maybe are familiar with it. It's basically in lieu of buns, it uses quesadillas. Yes, so that's the quesadilla component. And so I picked up the other half fell off, but I kind of liked, see, this is weird because I kind of liked the dry guy in this scenario. Like when it was just kind of that cheesy quesadilla with burger on it, I was like, oh, I like this more.

The, the, the sogginess of the other half, not as much of a fan of that. It was like, I don't think this is a place where stuff is aggressively seasoned, which is the thing you were saying earlier. So like the, the volume of cheese, I think is really helpful with that burger, just in terms of, of plussing up the flavor.

However, the cheese was a real issue with the four cheese mac and cheese with the honey pepper Chicken Tenders. Let me read the menu description so people know what we were intended to be served. It was made with hate. It felt like. A sweet and savory,

a sweet and savory Four Cheese Penne Mac and Cheese topped with Applewood smoked bacon and crispy chicken tenders tossed in honey pepper sauce served with a signature breadstick. So we just ordered this for the table. We ordered this for the table. Now you weren't gonna, you knew it was bad. You were like,stick. So we just ordered this for the table. We ordered this for the table. Now you weren't gonna, you knew it was bad. You were like, well, I'll just get it for the table.

For the table. This lady did not give a shit. You're like, for the table. And she's like, sir, you could literally put this in your asshole and I don't care. Did you hear my stomach rumbling? No. No. You didn't hear it? No.

Do you need more cheese? I do need a slice of cheese. We'll get our fork scores, we can take a break, and then we can get more cheese. The fact guy came out of me a little bit with, relax, I know that we're tight on time. The fact guy came out of me a little bit and was like, was like, this is for the table,

I don't want you to think I'm getting two entrees. Here's the thing, lean into it. Sometimes I do order two entrees, and I'll tell them, this is both for me, I might take it home, I might, lean into it. Sometimes I do order two entrees and I'll tell them, this is both for me, I might take it home, I might eat all of it, you see? I love that, that's all I can tell. You're the best, see?

Why not? Live your life, have fun, who cares what people think about you? You think she went home and was like, this big old man ordered two entrees and kept saying for the table and I didn't believe him. She probably more was like, I saw a guy get electrocuted and burp little sparks.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Hips! Hips! Hips! Mike, our video editor, can you do a little spark? Oh, this is so much work. Hips! Hips!

Hips! Can you do that? Hips! Can you do that? Wait, I shouldn't do it. I just have to hiccup, right? And then he'll do it? You can make the noise if you want.

You can make the sound effect. Hiccup! Hips! Hips! Hips! Is that how you hiccup? You say hiccup? Hiccup! That's how everyone hic hiccup, right? And then he'll do it. You can make the noise if you want. You can make the sound effect. Hiccup. Is that how you hiccup? You say hiccup? Hiccup. That's how everyone hiccups, no? Hiccup.

Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. Sneeze. Sneeze.

And not atchoo, the classic sound. Sneeze. Sneeze. Sneeze. Cheese. Cheese burp. Barf. Oh, dude.

Oh. Sorry. Applebee's. Poop. Piss. That was a long one. Yeah, that was fucking long as hell. That was fucking long as hell.

Wiges and I had tummy troubles. Oh! That did not impact me well from a gastrointestinal standpoint. I was in a little bit of distress last night and certainly this morning. Oh, I'm so sorry. God bless.

I was fine. I'm glad to hear that. I think it's my body likes Applebee's. Yeah, it could be that. I also think that my body at my age does not take sugar well. And that brings us to the desserts, which were super, super sweet.

Although I guess we should say what was happening with the mac and cheese more specifically. The tenders themselves not bad. The tenders weren't bad on their own. The tenders with the mac and cheese made no sense. It was a sweet and savory mix that had, was a complete disconnect. And then the mac and cheese itself

was some of the worst tasting mac and cheese I've ever had in my life. It's kind of sweet. It's like they missed the savory part and tried to make it all sweet. You know, I don't know. It's disgusting. Makes no sense.

It's more like macaroni salad flavor than mac and cheese flavor. It's like they dumped liquid smoke into it as well. It has a little bit of smoky character. It's really strange. There's too much bacon stuff going on. Too much going on. And I said this, and I stand by this. If you made just some cheesy mac and cheese, It has a little bit of a smoky character to it. It's really strange. There's too much bacon stuff going on. Too much going on.

And I said this, and I stand by this. If you made just some cheesy mac and cheese, a plate of mac and cheese, and put chicken tenders on the- Yes, right. That's a home run. It would be so good. That's like a cafeteria dream. Like that would, like anyone would love that. It's great.

Why the fuck don't you do that? And they did it in just such a weird backwards way. Here's the thing. They added too many components to the mac and cheese. They added unnecessary sauce to the chicken tendies. This is a classic example, Mitch, of unga-pachka. Unga-pachka. Unga-pachka.

Get it out of here. Unga-pachka. Unga-pachka. Unga-pachka. Okay, get rid of one thing too many. Yes. I usually don't send shit back, but when I did order that, I did send it back.

They were like, how is everything? I was like, disgusting. You have to take this away. If that was my entree, I would not have like, I would just have been hungry or I would have ordered something else. No, I was like, I need a burger, please. I like that. End my suffering.

I honestly think it's a challenge. I need to know if anyone likes that dish. I mean, it's been on the menu for years. There's no way people, it's a challenge. Anyone, I need to know if anyone likes that dish. There's no way that- I mean, it's been on the menu for years. There's no way people, that's, it's so bad. Maybe a little kid who just is not even like has like a- It's fucking little dumbass. No, I don't know.

That fucking idiot. I'm just the, I can't imagine a person with a normal palate enjoying that. You think the Rizzler likes that shit? I don't think so. No, I don't think so. The Rizzler's giving that one boom. I couldn't see him. No. Or doom.

I think he's giving it negative booms. Wow. Doom. Doom. Doom. The Cinnabon mini swirls and the triple chocolate meltdown. We got a couple of desserts. The Cinnabons, they're like mini Cinnabons. And then there's the triple chocolate

is a classic lava cake with some vanilla ice cream. Which was odd tasting. At first bite, it was like, this sucks. It's like a little dry. And you gotta get to the lava to- And the chocolate taste is off, like you were saying. And then the lava made all the difference. The lava was, it was night and day

when you got those lava bites. The lava was huge. The lava was huge. The lava was good. Once the lava was flowing, it was great. I thought that was totally serviceable. You dipped into the Cinnabons, and then you looked at the icing,

and you went, hmm, some gummy icing. Yes, you said this, you said this very much as like, we barely heard you say it. Yeah, it was like a whisper. It was like this, hmm, some cummy icing. It was like, that's how, and we were like- It was, and it was so funny. I did look, I did say it was cummy icing, kinda to myself.

And we were like, we heard you say that. But it was, it was cummy icing. Yes. It kind of had that sort of like, you know. It looks like they were gunked up in the kitchen backyard. Gunked up fill, yeah. And I thought the icing was quite flavorful. I really like this.

I thought these Cinnabon mini sorrels were so fun. They were kind of like two bites a piece. Like you give it a good dip, get a good bite and maybe get a non-Cinnabon or a non-gunked up bite. And then also like the thing I discovered because we had two desserts is you get a little ice cream, little vanilla ice cream on that Cinnabon, that's no problem at all.

Next time I go, that's what I'm getting. I'm gonna get the little Cinnabons and I'm gonna get vanilla ice cream on top. I'm gonna mush it all up and I'm gonna eat it. Oh, you'll be in heaven. That dessert was great and the lava cake was fine. All right, we gotta get to our fork scores on Applebee's unless there's any other thoughts, anything we missed.

I think that's everything. Oh, gunked up, don't know what to do. It's a little 311 parody. It's great. Really good. I don't know the original song. Did you hear it? Yeah, that really sounded like the wind or something.

That was really wild. It sounded like the wind or something. That was really wild. It sounded like the wind or something. Now you're wondering why I try to take little snacks. That sounded like a gust of wind, like you're in a wind tunnel. Yeah. Whoosh. That was wild.

That was my tummy. Wait, Emma, could you hear that? I didn't hear that one, but it's possible if you heard it, the mic picked that? I didn't hear that one, but it's possible if you heard it, the mic picked it up. We can put that one into the episode. If it was there, I will turn up the mic in that moment. Okay. Yes!

What is that 311 song? Oh, oh. I don't know. You're the one who sang the parody, I don't know. Yeah. All gunked up. Yeah, all gunked up. What is this song? Oh, don't know what to do.

Is it all fucked up or something? All mixed up? All mixed up, that's what it is. I don't know 311. Oh, they're great. Oh my God. That was loud. That one I heard.

Okay, no judgment, no judgment, no judgment. And then you're laughing. I can't believe how loud that was. And then he said, that was loud. Ha ha! I simply, your body is a wonderland. Ha ha ha ha ha! That was wild.

I'm hungy. I know, get more cheese in ya. Well, now you have no problem with me getting the cheese. We'll do our fork scores, we'll take a quick break. Okay, so. What do I gotta do, we'll take a quick break. Okay, so- What do I gotta do, go slam a sub or something? I don't know. I think you get yourself a little bit more substantial

of a snack. Yeah, really nice. I'm fine, I'm eating these. Okay, great. Okay, great. Okay, great. Nicole, you know the podcast before, you know how this works, we are each going to go around,

give our final thoughts on Applebee's and end. Can I just real quickly say what really helps is like when your stomach is growling, a nut, any sort of nut helps. Interesting. Like an almond, I don't know what it is. They're very, they tend to be high protein and so they're very filling.

So maybe that's it. Your body's looking for protein. Nicole, we'll say our final thoughts on it and give it a score from zero to five forks based on this visit and all of your Applebee's experience. Your thoughts, your fork score for Applebee's. I love Applebee's. I'm very nostalgic for Applebee's.

It makes me happy. I love going there. I love the atmosphere. When I am out of town touring, I'll hit up an Applebee's. I love it. I think I'm gonna give it fourbee's. I love it. Yes. I think I'm going to give it four forks. Four forks.

I know, which is really high. But I think my nostalgia, I like a dry burger. I love those little Cinnabon things. I'm already planning my return so I can modify it the way I want. Ha ha ha. Well, we'd love to come with you. Well, I'll come at least.

I don't know if he'll come. I'll come. I had a great time. Yay. I don't know if he'll come. I'll come. I had a great time. Yay, a lot of fun. I don't know if we're invited, but we're- You're invited. We're coming. That was a lot of fun.

I know, I know your fork score is gonna be lower, and I understand. But I respect the four forks. Mitch, your thoughts, your fork score. I don't know if I've ever been to one. This is maybe my first visit to an Applebee's. There's something in your beard. Is it cheese?

No, but you got it. You got it, yeah. It might've been cheese. It might've been something from the snacks. I don't think it was a cheese because it was dark. No, I think it might've been like the shell of the nut. Oh, it might've been the shell of the nut.

Um. Whatever, what is it called? No, you're right. It's shell, yeah. But you laughed. I don't know, I was just saying. Am I wrong? No, you're not. No nut components? I don't, there's the, yeah. But you laughed. I don't know, I was just saying. Am I wrong? Do I not know nut components?

I don't, there's the peanut has like the shell, but then there's like the lining on top of the nut. Well, it's in your shirt, what is it? I think that's what it is. I assumed you were laughing at the nut in your beard. Oh. Of it all. Okay. Yeah, what is that?

Okay, we have two different things here. Great. Oh, and there's a little Wally hair there as well. So this is, you are right, that this is an almond shell, basically, a little almond skin. Skin, that's what it is. Yeah, skin, that's what it is. Okay, like a peanut skin.

And this, now on the other hand, this is a little crazen bit. Okay, sure. So there were two different things on me. Wow, how about that? Very interesting, here they are on my fingers. Very interesting. Two different, very interesting. Two different little, two little pieces of garbage on me.

Wow. So. Do you want to wipe it somewhere? You want a napkin? Nope. Use them jeans. The old jeans. The old jeans.

Just put the garbage lower. That'll be fine when... You want napkins? Nope, use them jeans. The old jeans. Garbage bag on himself. The old jeans. Just put the garbage lower. That'll be fine when Adam Conover comes in here and has a nut allergy. Whoa. Actually, I have a nut allergy. Whoop.

His hair gets higher. His hair gets higher. You're ruining things for him. It swells. Yeah, he swelled up. He needs Benadryl. He swelled up. And then it goes back down. He swelled up. I had a blast, just like today.

I was striking out left and right on this podcast. I think I've turned it around. You're doing great, Mitch. You're doing wonderful. Don't do that. I had a blast at this dinner. It was great to see you. It was great to hang with you, Wags, always.

Oh, so fun. Two of the funniest people in the world. Oh, God bless you. Come on now. I had a blast at this dinner. It was great to see you. It was great to hang with you, Wags, always. Oh, it's so fun. Two of the funniest people in the world. Come on now. It's the truth.

Thank you. From the Cooper days on, I knew. Well, I knew you before Cooper, but still. Yeah, but we didn't get close until Cooper. We didn't get close until Cooper. I had a blast. I thought the food was sub-par. Not sub, if I had just gotten that mac and cheese dish,

I would have, this would have gotten like one and a half forks. That's a one fork. Oh, I think that's a negative fucking fork. Horrible, horrible dish. Everything else is like around, it's like, it ho a good time. I'm giving it three forks. I think you're gonna go there and you're gonna have a good time.

The drinks are good. If you get that appetizer platter, I think you can have a three fork experience here. I'm probably being a little bit kind to it though. Wags, what are your thoughts? But that's okay. I think it's fine to be a little bit kind to it because I think that reflects the experience you had.

And I think that was a good point. I think that was a good point. I think that was a good point. I think that was a good point. I think that was a good point. I think that was a good point. I think that was a good point. I think that was a good point. I think that was a little bit kind to it though. Wags, what are your thoughts? But that's okay. I think it's fine to be a little bit kind to it because I think that reflects the experience you had. And I think that's mostly the experience I had.

Before I get to my fork score, Emma, my understanding is that you have an incident in Applebee's where you had a panic attack, is that correct? Yes, the first time I ever wake and baked smoked weed right out of bed was with my sister in high school. And then we went to Applebee's and I got too high while sitting in the Applebee's and I had to leave and have a panic attack in my car.

Oh no. But my sister came out afterwards and was like, are you okay? I had them wrap your salad for you. So I still got to eat my Applebee's, which was great. There you go. But I don't recommend getting too high in an Applebee's, but going to Applebee's High, A+.

That's a pro tip. I love that you ordered a salad when you were stoned. They used to have this salad that I loved. It was like, I wish I could remember it. It had like crispy chicken on it. And it was like, I still don't care. That is insane.

The club salad thing. I loved it. Any sort of salad would have stone. I'm just like, what the hell are you doing? It had creamy dry. It was one of those salads that was barely a salad. It had tortilla strips and stuff in it. It was like, is it an oriental salad?

Is it an oriental salad? It might have been. Like the crispy oriental salad? Yeah, it might have been. It might have been. I'm trying to think. They still got it. Maybe.

They still got it. It was on the menu yesterday. Damn it. It should have gone. Yeah, I mean, like this thing, the quesadilla salad I mentioned earlier, it's like barely a salad. These are, it's an indulgent meal. Yeah, it is, thinking back on it,

I am surprised that my stoned ass at 11 a.m. was like, I'll have a salad. I'll have a salad please. I was trying to be responsible and then I was panicking in my car instead. Wow. But you overall, are you overall an Applebee's fan? Yeah, I was saying this earlier, there was an Applebee's in Epping, New Hampshire that we used to go to for like cast parties and stuff after

For theater and we there would be like 20 of us. I'm sure we were so annoying Sure, probably. Oh, yeah three things and we're obnoxious We probably had 25 Shirley temples, but we used to go there all the time And it was a place we would go like get drinks When I was in college just like meet up when we were home for the weekend or whatever, because it's like cheap and easy and you can always sit at that bar for hours. And yeah, so we used to go a lot of times. That's why you in high school had the same order of swags.

On this trip. I got a soft one for it. Hey, Ness, we're getting the same thing. Kids having fun? Kids having fun? I'm also drinking at Shirley Temple. Mind if I sit down? Mind if I join you guys?

Is yours the rock and pop in Shirley? I'm also drinking at Shirley Temple. Mind if I sit down? Mind if I join you guys? Is yours the rock and pop in Shirley? Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Are you eating good in the neighborhood? That's the question, Mitch, because I don't think a lot of these meal components, I thought were either fine to bad. I wasn't particularly enthusiastic about the nachos. The four cheese mac and cheese with honey pepper chicken tenders sucked. The quesadilla burger was good,

and the classic combo was pretty good. One of the desserts was fine, and one of them was pretty good. One of them was pretty good. And I did think my Shirley Temple was a lot of fun. And I think where all that lands in totality is where the Spoon Man is. I think we're in the hand-holding club here. I think this is a three fork chain. I think Applebee's is accomplishing what it's attempting to do. I think it's a place where you hang out. You can sit at your table for a little too long. You can have some drinks. You can have some perfectly fine bar food, and you can have a great time, which I did last night.

Three forks for Applebee's. You know what? I didn't know, like, what... In the Chili's, you're in the Chili's. Yeah, sure. Applebee's are just kind of plain inside. I want them more trinkets or something. It has a little bit more of a neutral identity versus like a TGI Friday. Give me some trinkets and also.

Give me some trinkets. Give me some trinkets, I want the trinkets. I want some stuff on the wall. Give me a Gator head. Why? Not that sort of, not like that. But like I'm saying. Oh, you don't want one of them popping out of your toilet.

You don't want that. But you want like a Gator with some sunglasses on or something. Yeah, that's fine. Something like that would be. So specific. You want a Gator with sunglasses on. In the Applebee's.

In the Applebee's. Yeah, that's what you want. I'm sure if you went to Gainesville, Florida, they'd probably have that. I mean, look, they just needed more trinkets. No, I get it. Whether it's a gator with sunglasses on, what were you gonna say about gator sunglasses on?

I was just gonna say, if you go back to Applebee's and they have a gator with sunglasses on, you're like, hey, they took the note. That'd be, I don't like that. Here's a note. We listened to the doughboys. We added gators with sunglasses on all our locations. Here's another note.

Yeah. When we were leaving, they, I mean, it was at the end of our dinner, but they just opened the door to start. They sure did. They just opened the door. And it was cold. And it was cold as shit. And there were people, it was like, people They sure did. They just opened the door. And it was cold. It was cold as shit.

Cold as shit, and there were people. It was like people hadn't even gotten their food in the restaurant. There was like people who were still sitting there and eating. I think they didn't close for another hour. I mean, they were just like doing all their side work, cleaning up. And look.

Which is fine. It's not, it's, it's, it's not, it's, I get not wanting to be in a job and also like it is not an easy job and people are assholes. It's like, I get that side of it. But it was just funny to be in a job, and also it is not an easy job, and people are assholes. It's like, I get that side of it. But it was just funny to open up a door and have freezing cold wind blowing into the restaurant.

And we were like, all right, let's go. I mean, it's a black gunner experience. And also they do have the pay by the Ziosk thing, which goes to Harkins. I was just surprised to see that that system is still there. They pay by the little tablet on the- The tablet was interesting, because you could order apps, dessert,

play a game, or pay your bill. But if you wanted your main dinner, you had to flag down the waitress. Yeah, this goes back to Doughboy's episode one, our very first episode when they had those at Chili's, and it was a whole rigamarole there, and the waiter there was basically like, like, yeah, this thing's gonna put me out of a job.

Thankfully, that didn't happen. Thankfully, we still have servers. I also look, I think it would be annoying was basically like, like, yeah, this thing's gonna put me out of a job. Thankfully that didn't happen. Thankfully we still have servers. Also look, I think it would be annoying to be like, hey, can you close the door? I wouldn't do that either. I'm just saying there is like a way that you could have done that without like having the door open

and not being there for like 10 minutes. I agree. It did feel like there was a little bit of either obliviousness or, you know, just dismissiveness towards the customer side. of either obliviousness or, you know, just dismissiveness towards the customer side. Well, nobody working was over the age of 25. Exactly, which I completely understand,

like whatever, but it did affect our experience. I had a lovely conversation with a man outside while you were waiting for the- I saw that. I went to the bathroom for 30 seconds and I managed to come back and see you talking with another fucking weirdo. He was a guy who was hanging outside the Applebee's

and he talked to me about language for a while, which was interesting. What did he say? What was his hot take? He studied German and he said like, he talked about just how other languages sound to our ear. And it's basically like, you know, if you hear,

if you're not an English speaker and you hear English, it kind of sounds like what German sounds like to us. Oh, interesting. I came out and I was like, all right, which one of you two weirdos am I walking to my car with? I don't give a shit, but one of you I gotta leave with. A lovely convo. One of you I have to leave with.

I gotta go home. And we started posting for Kyle Movie's movie, Y2K, check it out in theaters. There you go. Yeah. Did you want to take a break or do's movie, Y2K, check it out, in theaters. Yeah. Did you wanna take a break or do you wanna? No, I don't care, keep going. All right. Did that step on the promo?

We saw a poster for Y2K, was it a Regal Cinema? That's right, a Regal Cinema. Kyle Mooney's movie, go check out Y2K. Check it out. Are you saying Kyle Mooney? Kyle Mooney, but it is a Kyle Mooney. It sounded like you said Kyle Mooney. Kyle Mooney's movie.

Kyle Mooney's movie. Kyle Mooney's movie. Kyle Mooney's movie. Kyle Mooney's movie. Kyle Mooney's movie, ooh. Kyle Mooney, but it is a Kyle movie. It sounded like you said Kyle movie. Kyle Mooney's movie. Kyle Mooney's movie. Kyle Mooney's movie. Kyle movies. Kyle movies. Kyle movies. His publicist probably talked to him about this. Kyle Mooney's movie.

That's so. Hey, can you, I don't know if you'd make it, directing movies a great idea because your name is Kyle Mooney. You're not supposed to be saying Kyle movie. But I really care about this. All right. His publicist sat But I really care about this. All right. I'm sure his publicist sat him down to talk about it.

I'm very excited to see it. I'm excited to see it too. I'm gonna see it this week. All right, it's time for a say, but we were going to peruse some food themed dating profiles and decide if we'll swipe left or right. This is Binge. All right, ready?

Oh my God. All right, so this is Binge as opposed to Hinge. These were compiled by Amelia Moreno, our associate producer. First up is, and what we are seeing for audio listeners, we are seeing a doctored dating profile for the site Binge, a photo of the food stuff, and then some text that is their name and description. What is it? It says three hours old?

So this is, yeah, this first one is Rony. This looks like a plate of macaroni and cheese. It says three hours old, straight, I don't know what that not sure is. Not sure about babies. And smokes. Sometimes. And sometimes.

My simple pleasures, crispy onions, hot tubs, the sound I make when you stir me. So is that more of a- That's disgusting. Is that more of a mac salad? What is it? No. I think it's macaroni, you know, like when you make macaroni and cheese and you stir it in a pot. You make the roux.

Got it, got it. And it makes like a really nasty sound. You know what's not fair, Tarone, is that like, this is like a situation where I'm like, oh, you remind me of my ex, which is that mac and cheese last night. Oh yeah, sure. It does remind me of the mac and cheese from last night.

And I'm afraid of it. I liked baked mac and cheese. I don't want it this gooey. Interesting. It's pretty gooey. It's funny, because this kind of looks like it was baked, because it looks like it has like crispy top in part of it.

Is that, like, what is that exactly? Like, was that in the broiler, or is that just some seasoning that's been put on top? I can't tell. I feel like it's seasoning that's been put on top of it. I like a gooey mac. I like a gooey mac. I like a gooey mac. This to me, the smoke sometimes, here's the thing,

is like if I met up with Roni, if we went on a date, I'd be like, you gotta stop smoking, because I don't like smoked mac and cheese. I don't like that smoky fake chemical flavor. That was revolting. So part of me is like, sometimes you- But you'll get the real smoke if they smoke. Well, this is the complicated thing with binge.

We don't really get what the fuck any of this means. No! But if it's a smoked macaroni and cheese, if there's smoke in that macaroni and cheese, I'm not gonna wanna hang out with it. I'm not gonna wanna go on a second date with it. My big issue is- Is it three hours old? That's what I was gonna say.

That's my big issue, where's the age. Three hours old? You can nuke that though. You can nuke it, but I'm like, if I was gonna say. That's my big issue, where's the age. Three hours old? You can nuke that though. You can nuke it, but I'm like, if I'm gonna commit to the calories and the intestinal distress from macaroni and cheese, I want that hot alve of. All right, so we're swiping left.

I'm swiping left. Is left the bad one? Left is yes. Left is no. We're swiping left. Well, this is Binge based on Hinge. Do you swipe away or do you just go, no? I don't remember.

I don't know, I've never used it. We can say, you swipe, let's just say you swipe left. Let's say it was swipe left. Okay, swipe left, goodbye. We're swiping left. Next up is Merrill. Merrill looks like it's a can of cranberry sauce. Yeah, a dented cranberry sauce.

Yes, it has been decanned. Decaned from the dented can. It was decanned at two years, I'm guessing. Two years old. It can't be, yeah. It has a six inch hog, it is a Virgo, and is a long term relationship. That's really funny that you were like six inch hog

as opposed to it's just six inches tall. Oh, right, right. That's the ruler's not hog. The height and the size of your dick, although I'm sure you could put that in your profile. Which by the way, six inches tall, that's fucking, six inches is big as hell. You're doing all right.

Is hell? No, six inches is big as hell, it's huge. Oh, big as hell. That's fucking huge. Yes, we're still talking about how tiny your dick is. And I simply don't believe it. And the girth on that thing is actually out of control. That is too girthy.

It is pretty girthy. What does it say below it? Two truths and a lie. Two truths and a lie. Two truths and a lie. I can prevent UTIs. I was dropped on my head as a baby. My favorite food is eggs. The lie is my favorite food is eggs.

Yeah, that's gotta be. I think I'd fuck with this. I think I'm into the, like I like the cranberry sauce out of a can. And I think, I think got a good sense of humor, some self-awareness there. I'm gonna say no just because, well, my grandpa loves canned cranberry sauce

and I don't wanna think about my grandpa when I'm with something. Sure, yeah, I get that. For some people, some people don't mind that. Some people like that. But for me, Merrill just seems fun and also like you're like, oh yeah, you did get dropped on your head as a baby.

We can see that. But then I'm like, is Merrell lying? Was Merrell out last night and get fucking boned? Oh yeah. You know? Jesus. What? I don't want slutty Merrell.

I'm gonna go on a date with Merrell. Okay. Like look, I don't know if I would want all Merrill, and this means I wouldn't want that whole can of cranberry sauce in one sitting. Sure. You may be different story. You might be a woodie to eat the whole thing.

No, I think I'd take my time with it. Yeah. Uh. You like truly sound like my grandpa. Like he loves cranberry sauce, and on his birthday, he accidentally left it in the refrigerator and was devastated. Oh man.

He decanned it and put it back in the fridge and forgot about it. Oh boy. And what happened, did it just go down? Did it just like a- Did it go down? What? Because if you put it in the fridge it's okay, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, did it like go down? No, he just forgot about it. Oh, that sucks. That will never lose its shape. Yeah. It can get hot and it's not gonna lose its shape. Yeah, he forgot about it. He forgot about it for a couple of days basically. No, no, he forgot about it for dinner but never lose its shape. Yeah. It can get hot and it's not gonna lose its shape. He forgot about it for a couple of days, basically.

No, no, he forgot about it for dinner, but he had it the next day. Okay, okay. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. Man, that's maybe the worst thing is when you just forget a thing that's ready to eat and you're like, fuck, I fucking forgot this one thing.

It's a bummer. All right, Nicole is swiping left. We're swiping right. Let's go on to the next one. Pinkford. Pinkford looks like an old sandwich. Is that a Jimmy John sandwich? No, it's a Jimmy John sandwich,

but instead of bread, it's pickles. Oh, I couldn't pick up on that. So Nicole's nightmare. Got it, so this is a- I'm like queasy. This is a Jimmy John sub, looks like- Oh, I know, is that a turkey? Is the question, would I fuck that thing?

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I know you would. I think all of our viewers on YouTube will understand that yes, of course I would have sex with that thing. It looks fuckable if you got a hog. It is Pinkford, who is 15 minutes old, Pinkford.

pack in 10 inches, is a moderate, a Scorpio, and yes on drinks. Yes, they drink. It's a moderate. All Iio, and yes on drinks. It's a moderate? All I ask is that you aren't married. All right, you know, I like that upfrontness with Pinkford. Pinkford seems like a strange, an odd bird. I'm gonna, here's the thing.

No disrespect to Pinkford, make the choices you wanna make. I'm gonna swipe left because that's just, this just isn't gonna be compatible with me. I don't wanna eat a sandwich that has pickles for buns. I like pickles, but I don't want the pickles as buns. Look. This is sick. Well, I secretly go out on a date with Pinkford, yes.

So you're gonna date Pinkford, but not introduce Pinkford to your friends? Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna introduce Pinkford to anyone. And then people would be like, did you hook up with Pinkford? I'm like, yeah, we hooked up. Oh, poor Pinkford.

Look, maybe Pinkford's down for that too. I'm gonna do it in a gentlemanly way for God's sakes. I don't know, Pinkford can't get anything from me. This is disgusting. The pickles are sick. The cold cheese is sick. This is nasty. Maybe Pinkford meets my mom at some point too, who knows?

You're gonna introduce Pinkford to your mother? And then my mom was like, that was a weird one. She'll say that at some point. Remember her? That was a weird one. That's so funny. Pinkford, I might secretly swipe right, but I'm not gonna tell you guys, so we'll say left.

For the point of this exercise, we'll say left. Let's look at the next one. For the point of this exercise. Yes! This is Shake Let's look at the next one. For the point of this exercise. Yes! This is Shake. Okay, so I believe these are the Shaq Gummies. Oh my God. Yes, they're the Shaq Gummies from 7-Eleven.

Have you had them? I have not had them yet. They're bad. Appodaka had them. Wait, they're three days old? He thought they were all right, but they are very big. Yeah, these are like, they're, and they're like palm sized.

They're huge. They're fucking huge. Their hog is only one inch, so I'm par with Mitch. They're called Shake, five days old, non-monogamy, practicing, and yeah, like has a dog. You're not cool, you should not go out with me if you're not cool with my two friends tagging along C above.

So which one is Shake? Is Shake the one in the middle? You know, that's a good question. This is maybe a little sneaky. Well, that's the thing about hinges sometimes. Yeah, you can't figure out who. There's a bunch of people in it, it's like, I don't know which one is you.

Yeah. I feel like that's like a mislead. Yes, but I do think Shake is the blue one. Sure. I like Shake being the blue one. And I think his two friends are twins. They're fraternal. Oh, I can see that.

Yeah, cause there's a blue one, there's an orange one and a red one for audio listeners. If it's a blue one, I'm definitely swiping right because that reminds me of the Navi from Avatar. Or the Blue Man group. I love the Navi. Wait, do you love Avatar? We love Avatar.

Did you like the sequel? Yeah, we love the way of water. Oh, same. Some people are like, it's too long. And I was like, it wasn't long enough. I love that there was no story at times and they were just swimming. They're just swimming.

It was so nice. I believe we've actually talked about Way of Water, the three of us before, previously. I think we have, because we all had the shared enthusiasm for it. It's great, it's so wonderful. It came out the same year as The Whale, a better Whale movie.

A better Whale movie. Yeah, that Whale did poetry. Yeah. When Piacon comes up and saves the whale, a better whale movie. A better whale movie. Yeah, that whale did poetry. Yeah. When Piakan comes up and saves the day, it moved me to tears. I also cried. I love Piakan. It's moving.

Wyze, I think that guy was holding a newspaper that said, good train, which I thought you would be interested in. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like trains? I love trains. Come on.

Does he like trains? You gotta ask him that question. Look at the guy. In South Africa, there is a train company called Rovos Rail, and you can take it just, like, up the continent. And we went from South Africa to Zambia slash Zimbabwe. You would have a really nice time on it. Wow. Is it fancy?

Before the trip, it's pretty fancy. You don't have any service, so, like, you kind of have to just enjoy being on the train. Sure. But before you leave, the man who owns it takes you on a tour of the train yard and talks to you about how they take old train cars and redo them and how he imports the carpets and stuff

and how they rebuild them. It was, I was like, not for me, but a certain person would really love hearing all of this. Yeah, a certain person would be. Here's the thing, he'll never cross an ocean. I've never crossed an ocean, but that sounds fascinating. You've never crossed an ocean? No, I haven't.

You've been to like Europe? No. Do you want to? I don't know. I don't, the plane ride I'm not crazy about. Do you know about Xanax? Yeah, I know about Xanax. Would you ever take a X Annie and then wake up?

I don't know, it's like a whole thing is, this is a whole thing. This is basically, we're treating him like one of the chimps from Chimp Crazy. I'm, that sounds fascinating. When did you go on this trip? Last New Year's. Wow, how long does it take?

We were on the train for four or five days, and maybe four days. And you basically traversed the continent south to north? Well, no, no, no, no. Not that far? That would take so long. This was just south, maybe up through like,

we didn't even make it to like the middle of Africa. Okay, got it, got it. It's Zambians and Babway, they're not super far from South Africa. Got it, wow. Do you see animals on the not super far from South Africa. Got it. Wow. Did you see animals on the ride? Yeah. That rules.

It was really cool. That's amazing. Yeah. I'm gonna swipe right on Shake, just more because I like the food. If you're putting this into the dating terms, it is weird, but then I was maybe like, maybe this will be fun to hang out with this person.

I'm a little concerned that this gummy person has a dog and it's gonna end up like a hairy gummy. Oh, yeah. Oh, that could be a whole thing. Emma, that's a dog and it's gonna end up like a hairy gummy. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, that could be a whole thing. Emma, that's a great point. That's not particularly pleasant. I'm gonna swipe right anyway.

You know, I tend to say that gummy ain't yummy, but I like Shake's attitude. And also, because all three look identical. Yeah. The gummy ain't yummy got me good. Woo-wee, that got me. I just realized that shake is also supposed to be like Shaq. I didn't even realize that until now.

I got it because of Shake Shaq, yeah. Yeah. That's fun. But whatever color a shake happens to be, I'm fine with it. Let's go to the next one. All right, Ethan is a mozzarella stick. It is fresh, age is fresh.

It is liberal. It is fresh, age is fresh. It is liberal, it is looking for short-term relationships and lives in Silver Lake. How about that? Interesting. My greatest strength, massages, making coffee, buying you anything you want. So it seems like a kind of a sugar daddy situation. Is this my hinge profile?

Is this you? Is that you? It might be me. I, 100% am swiping right. Yeah, 100%. Same, same, no questions asked. Ethan, oh my God, what a dream. Oh my God, I'm already coming.

All right. Also just kind of, yeah, just kind of know, this looks disgusting. Beatrice is a bowl of clam chowder that looks very old. It says old enough to be your mother, a Libra, not vaccinated. Funny. Pills sometimes.

Pills sometimes. What if I told you that the clams not fresh, but my mouth sure is. Yo, Beatrice is funny. Beatrice is funny. That bitch be funky. Yeah, I'm staying away from Beatrice as not to want her to be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna secretly swipe right on Beatrice either. That's, no, Mitch, what, are you okay? The way you wiped your eye. I got something in my eye. I think I got that almond shell in my eye. When you do that, you look like a big baby. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Put your tongue back in your mouth. Ah! Ah! Ah! Um. That was funny. Ooh, that got me good. I put your tongue back in your mouth. That was funny. That got me good.

Beatrice, I maybe would swipe right on Beatrice. The old thing is a little... Maybe I would swipe left, but I'm like thinking about it. I think that looks disgusting, and it also looks like it might get me sick. There is a line in a song, I can't remember what it is, I think that looks disgusting. It also looks like it might get me sick. All right, we're swiped real quick. There's a line in a song, I can't remember what it is, but it says, you funky bitch, you left your pussy in the bathroom.

And it's just talking about like a funky smelling pussy. Beatrice has a funky smelling pussy. Oh my God. Is that really what's- Yeah, it says the clam's not fresh. Yeah, and I just can't deal with that. I don't want a stinky puss. That's not a pussy friend.

That was the Benny Goodman big band. Classic. All right, let's go to the next one. That's it, that's the end of it. Oh, that's the last one. Wow, we only wanted one person. I think that's good. That's good.

That's the way it should be. It reminds me of, I was singing Long December to start this episode, but it was funny. Can you know how he's like, a lot of oysters, but no pearls, you know, in that song? You know what I'm talking about? I don't think so. Oh, fuck this.

Does anyone know that song? Just know the part that goes Long December. Yeah, no one knows. I just know the Long December part. Yeah, I don't know. Then who cares? But I was saying oysters are, like, oysters are good is what I was trying to say.

I love oysters. Oh my God. Can I also just say, snip, like, oysters are good is what I was trying to say. I love oysters. Oh my God. Can I also just say, snip, snip, snip. Oysters are good. Oysters are good. Snip, snip, snip. Wait, have you guys reviewed Shake Shack?

We have reviewed Shake Shack a couple of times. Have you ever found a pearl in an oyster before? No. At a restaurant? Have you? I have, yes. And what'd you do to it? No's a nice thing. No, oysters. And then oysters too?

Yeah. I think it's in clams. No, it's oysters. I think you ate something bad. No, I found a pearl in an oyster once. How big was it? Fucking small. Fucking small.

What did you do with it? Did you put on a necklace for your mum? My mum took it, yeah. Wow. That's nice. I didn't know you could just order oysters at a restaurant and find a pearl in them. I don't think you're supposed to.

Yeah. You're not supposed to. But we were talking about Shake Shack. Yeah. I think you guys should review it again because they're gonna serve it on Delta flights out of Boston. So we were looking at that. Hell yeah.

Mitch, this is a thing we were texting with Carlson about is that we were trying to figure out how to review that. Cause like, is it a first-class only thing? Like how do you get, it is a first-class only thing. So I'll fly Delta back from Boston. I'm 99% sure it would be a first-class thing. We could try it. Shit, yeah, I mean, we actually,

I guess we could with Doughboys, we could pay for my flight from Boston back to LA first class on Delta. How are they going to, I just, the thing to me is- I'll do that with you for research, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wait, nevermind. No, Emma, I'm yeah, wait, nevermind. Emma, I'm down, let's do it. How are they going to heat that sum, bitch, is the thing.

Cause like, I feel like it's not gonna have, like you can't just put a burger in a microwave and have that come out. Yeah. It feels all sticky. They got those little ovens, they do a trick. They do their thing. But I don't know, with the meat,

I think they can get the bun good, but I'm worried about the burger. I'm worried about the meat, I feel like the meat's gonna be mushy. What a piece of shit that I'm trying to take money from the Doughboys company, but then when someone else wants it, I won't allow it to happen. I just realized that's how I came off.

We were trying to skip over it. Yeah, I know, but I couldn't help but point it. And you brought it back, you were like, I'm bad, I'm a bad boy. Let's try to be funny, but Emma, we should review it. And I think that- That'd be fun. Sorry, Wags. You're cutting me out of it? You're gonna fly to Boston and fly back? I don't know, we'll review it. And I think that- That'd be fun. Sorry, Weigs. You're cutting me out of it?

You're gonna fly to Boston and fly back? No, no, we'll figure something out. If we're gonna review it, we can do it. We're gonna be over there. That's a great fit. Hey, thanks. All right, hey, just like a restaurant by your feedback, let's open up the feedback.

Today's email is from Maddie in Columbus, Ohio. Maddie writes, Every so often I remember a tweet from Weiger back in 2018 reading, I think I shall become a Western wear guy. Wow. And wonder what could have been. Weiger, what happened?

To make this question more substantial, if you had to choose a different hat style to commit to, other than your usual LA and Boston based team caps, what would you choose? E.g. cowboy hat, top hat, propeller hat. My lovely husband and I both love the show. Thanks for reading. Thanks so much, Maddie. Bl My lovely husband and I both love the show. Thanks for reading. Thanks so much, Maddie.

Blast from the past, I had completely forgotten. I tweeted that at a certain point. Maddie, don't base your wardrobe choices on something Weiger tweeted. Six years ago. I think what Maddie is saying is that, because I've thought about getting Western wear. I wore a cowboy outfit for a sketch once

on the Comedy Bang Bang TV show, and I loved how I looked in it. I was like, I could be a Western wear guy, and then I just never pursued it. I went- A whole different look, but I kind of want to try it at some point. Have you seen how,

have you seen Bruce Brown now on the Toronto Raptors? Have you seen how he dresses on the bench? Oh yeah. He wears Western wear, he looks incredible. You can dress up on the bench? Yeah, cause like- But what if they put you in? Well, if you're inactive, if you're injured,

you're not gonna be in the game. Let me see if we can find a pic. Cause that'd be really funny if they were like, all right cowboy, get on in. I'm gonna tell you a place where you'll love, I gotta look though, hold on one second here. Well, cause I got a ton of Western wear, so if you ever need any tips.

Wait, do you really? Yeah. Cause you're very fashionable. I love your sense of stat of the style. It's very specific to you I haven't seen you just bust out like the Western where I feel like specifically in the studio But this is a thing you wear sometimes feel like I've seen you in Western wear you this like crop top That's a kind of Western. Oh, okay, okay Shirts, but I like the I like the kind of little short. Oh, okay, okay, I know western shirts, but I like to cut them a little short. I like it. Oh, thank you. I think you're cool.

But I wear cowboy boots a lot. I can't wear them in the studio because I've got to crawl around and like... Right, right, right. ... do the wires and stuff. We should do a western wear episode. Everybody dress like a cowboy. Oh my god. Yeah.

Do it. I went to Yucca Valley. There's Bruce Brown. Looks great. I think that would look nice on you. It's a very subtle nod to Western wear. Yeah, you can do that, for sure. Yeah, I think that would look really nice. Oh, okay, maybe I'll give it a shot.

Yeah, I think more men should explore style. You should get a 10 gallon hat. I guess more people, I shouldn't exclude other people. Fuck it, I don't know. I rubbed off on you. We're doing the same thing at the end here. That's the problem. It's the issue with having a podcast

is you can say something that there's nothing wrong with, but then you start thinking like, what's the bad faith way someone could take this? And then so you over-correct and you end up sounding like you're being weirdly defensive. Here's another one. That's a little bit more of an aggressive look with the sleeveless. I think you can do that. I think that's nice.

And I think if you didn't want to do sleeveless, you could do like a short sleeve, but cut it a little bit and roll it. Oh, okay. I think that would look really nice. I can do this for you. Maybe I'll do it. I don't think you should do this.

I think I'm gonna do it. Just because you're scared to explore your style doesn't mean you should tell your friend not to do something. I would look great as a cowboy. I would look like a bad guy. It would be great. A bad guy? I would look like one of the bad guys in a cowboy movie.

Otherwise, you should do it. I think you'd be happy to do it. You should try it. Why the fuck not? I could also see you really gave up. You're like, don't do it. Okay, whatever. Speaking of bad guys, have you guys seen Face Off?

Yeah, I love Face Off. I love Face Off. It was an incredible, perfect film. I just saw it for the first time. So we have bad guys, have you guys seen Face Off? Yeah, I love Face Off. I love Face Off. It was an incredible, perfect film. I just saw it for the first time. What'd you think? It's great. It's so good, right? It's so fun. I think they should remake it.

Interesting. With ladies. Yeah, that's fun, Lady Face Off is fun. I think it would be really fun. I just love that like- Is Lady Face Off fun? I think so. I think Lady Face Off is a good bitch. And I would love to play the John Travolta character because that is so fucking cool.

Now I am on board. If you're in this movie and it's you playing the John Travolta character, I wanna see it. Because it's John Travolta playing Nicholas Cage pretending to be John Travolta. It's insane. It's so fun. Yeah.

I think Wagers should do a, you dress like a child a lot of the time anyway so I think replacing your spinny Wagers should do it you dress like a child a lot of the time anyway So I think you know replacing your spinny cap Not that bad of a choice, I'll try it out at some point I had an idea for a movie akin to face-off It was the same sort of premise but it's dick off and it's like a guy with a big dick and a guy with a little small dick and They both get like their dicks blown off and the surgeons go to reattach them But the guy's like does a dick swap so he gets the big dick and the other guy getsicks blown off and the surgeons go to reattach them, but the guy does a dick swap, so he gets the big dick

and the other guy gets the small dick, and the guy's just trying to get his dick back the whole time and then both their lives completely change. Sounds like a future Doughboy's double. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But there could be some other way to get into it. I just thought it's kinda like one guy would wanna do it,

but it could be the same sort of criminal setup. You gotta write it. Maybe I will. I think you should, it'll be fun. Yeah, you should write dick off. I think you should. I genuinely think it's very funny. I think it is funny, don't get me wrong.

And I truly think if people played it committed, it would be even funnier. Like it wasn't like wacky or anything, it was just like, I need my dick, I need, what is this little thing? Very seriously, he's like, I need my dick. I need, what is this little thing? This symbol. Very seriously, he's like, I'm gonna take his dick off. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! God, that's so funny. You should do it. You should write something. I support you writing.

Yeah, maybe I'll write something at some point. Or I'll think about writing something. Am I not exploring clothing options? I support him with, yeah, I think you should do it. I'm gonna do the rest of the writing and I'm gonna write something. You should have more fun with clothing. Yeah, I do bad exploring clothing options. I support him, yeah, I think you should do it. I'm gonna do the western wear thing, and I'm gonna write something. Yeah, I do bad with clothing. You don't do bad, I think you could do more fun.

I went to the Yucca Valley Film Festival, where Matt Mazzani, he showed Big Brothers. Hey, how cool was that? I went there with him in Ross, Beret. Congrats to Mazzani, which you're in. Which I'm in. And you're great in. That's why I went, thanks, Wikes.

That was nice. And thank you for saying that. But we were up there, and you would love Yucca Valley. There were a bunch of cowboys up there. There were guys dressed as cowboys. And young, new, piercing cowboys. You know what I mean? Yeah, kind of cowboys.

Young, new, piercing? Young, new, pierced cowboys. They were like, these are modern cowboys. Azuma Cowboys. Azuma Cowboys. How old are you actually? Young, new, piercing cowboys. There were young, there was, I met like a lot of young pierced cowboys. There was one guy, I'm thinking of specifically, but he was a character and he was like a young cowboy guy.

You would like it? You check out Yucca Valley. Yucca Valley, Yucca Valley. I think it's Yucca Valley near Joshua Tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was in Boy Scouts, cause the Yucca plant is very sharp and one of the scout masters said,

you know they call it Yucca cause you like, if you touch it, you go yuck. And then when you release it, you go ah. And I thought about this like, this joke doesn't work. I was like 11, I was like, this joke doesn't work. What are you talking about? You don't say yuck when you're hurt.

No, you say ah afterwards. Ah afterwards, yeah. It should be ah. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I was pissed off about that. This man was a predator. I, saying that to a child, when you get hurt, you go yuck, and then when you're not hurt anymore,

you're like, ah, that man was sick as hell. He might have been the predator. Yeah, truly, go find him, he's bad. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com, or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DOE, that's 830-463-6844.

And to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog, subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. Our producer is Emma Erdbrink. Our associate producer is Emilio Moreno. Our engineer is Casey Donahue. And our video editor is Mike Dorfman. Weiss.

Before we wrap up, I just want to say, congrats to Pamela Hayden, the voice of Millhouse. The voice of Millhouse. Who's retiring from the Simpsons. Aw, that's nice. And she's very sweet to me. I don't wanna, she's a very nice person to me and she would, and I'll say this because this is how nice she was,

but it's a personal thing, is that every year on the anniversary of my dad passing away, she would call me and talk to me. That's really fucking sweet. She's really sweet. And so congratulations to Pamela, that's all I can say. Aw. Yeah. That's all. Can I say real quick Pamela. That's all I can say. Aw. Yeah. Can I say real quick?

Please. If there's anyone in Applebee's corporate, can you please bring back the Apple Chimmy Cheesecake maybe for like a limited time or something? I agree with you. I agree with you. I agree with Nicole. I think why not?

I agree. How did you say my name? I agree with Nicole. I thought you said Yoko. It was the wildest way I've ever heard that name. I agree with Nicole. I thought you said Yoko. That was the wildest way I've ever heard that name. I agree with Nicole. It sounded like you were having an aneurysm. I think I got emotional a second ago, which was insane.

But it's the truth. It's not insane. That's really fucking sweet. She's a very sweet person. I've heard nothing but great things about them. Because you love the Simpsons, right? You were going to make some shitty joke, though. I wasn't going to make a shitty joke.

Well, you were going to say something. No. Yes, I worked at the Simpsons. She did You're gonna make some shitty joke though. I wasn't gonna make a shitty joke. Well, you're gonna say something. No. Yes, I worked at The Simpsons. She did not call me in Millhouse's voice, which is the joke I made last night. She's, yeah, she's great. So congratulations to Pamela. Yeah, nice one, nice.

Nicole Byer, our guest, the funniest person in the world, why won't you date me as the podcast? People should listen to it, it's right here on Headgum. Anything you would like to plug right now? Tell her, tell us about the podcast and any other plugs you got. Um, tell you about the podcast? What? Is that what you said to me? I don't know.

I just got so scared and I don't know why. I'm sorry. Wigs. It's a podcast about dating. It's fun. You can listen to it. I also have another podcast, 90 Day Bae, about 90 Day Fiance. It's on Patreon. And then me and Lauren Lapkus have Newcomers, where we watch things that have been part of the zeitgeist

for a long time that we haven't seen. And then Best Friends with Saoirse Amade. I have too many podcasts. Yeah, that's it. I'd be talking. Wait, when you did Newcomers and we did the Batman Master of the Phantasm episode when you covered Batman, I love that movie, but it's fine.

I know and I don't know how. Anyway, but well, I don't know how you like Joker, follow you do, but here we are, we coexist. Because it's feminist. But you like Joker follow you do but it's here We are we coexist as its feminist But you did did you go to did you get to the Joker movie when you did the Batman series? No, didn't okay. So that's why you didn't watch it. Yeah, that's so funny Yeah, we just didn't watch it. We watched something else instead. I can't remember what Wow, but you know a movie I did like what's that the new Batman movie with Robert Pattinson

It was like three hours long and it could have been an hour longer Wow Wow. But you know what movie I did like? What's that? The new Batman movie with Robert Pattinson. It was like three hours long and it could have been an hour longer. Wow. Oh man, I loved it. I loved it. I didn't like it. I liked the Batman.

You didn't like it? What about the part when he's in Catwoman's apartment and she's got all those cats and he goes, you have a lot of cats. I screamed in theaters. I loved it so much. Well, I may not agree with your movie taste, but you're one of the funniest people we know.

It's true. Aw, thank you. This was delightful. I'm so proud of Applebee's. How fun was this? Me too. Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time, for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger.

Happy eatin'. Put electric shocks coming out of his thumbs. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Oh, that's better. Put electric shocks coming out of his thumbs. Pew pew pew pew! Oh that's better. Bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz b for the holidays from our buddies at Kinship Goods. Wow, we got hoodies, Wags. We got sweatshirts. Wow, we got koozies. That's right, number one clown ass dad koozies.

Yeah, that's right, we got it. You can give it to your dad for the holidays. What a gift. We got stickers, sticker sheets. Bumpers stickers. Individual stickers, check all the out. Stickers for you, stickers for your car. And also Snow Gators t-shirts.

That's right, the bit, not even we like, we made a shirt of it. You want to think about those snow gators they got up north in the in the Toronto Bayou. Wait, what color are they? Oh, those gators? They're white. Wow. Wow. KinshipGoods.com slash doughboys. That's the URL for all our new winter merch. get it for the holidays for the doughboys lover in your life or for yourself Don't stuff coal into their stockings put one of these dumb gifts instead kinship goods dot-com slash doughboys Sources for the intro are in the episode description Hey, buddy, the doughboys year-end finale will be live and live streamed, wow, Saturday, December 14th

at 7.30 p.m. Pacific at Dynasty Typewriter in LA. You will be able to watch a live stream as well. Join me and Mitch and special guests for a holiday wrap-up of 2024. Wow. Live stream tickets available at Birdfuck.com. That was a headgum podcast.