Doughboys - Bertucci's with Jon Gabrus and Carl Tart (LIVE)

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

Jon Gabrus (Action Boyz, High and Mighty) and Carl Tart (Grand Crew, The Flagrant Ones) join the 'boys to discuss sit-down pizzerias before a review of Bertucci's. Plus, a special tribute, and another edition of Snack or Wack. Recorded live at The Wilbur in Boston 5/7/22. Sources for this week's intro: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/ovid https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1127.Ovid https://popehistory.com/popes/pope-innocent-vii/ http://www.fundinguniverse.com/company-histories/bertucci-s-corporation-history/ https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/bertuccis-pizza-dinner-rolls https://www.bertuccis.com/our-story/ Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, everybody? It's your boy, The Spoon Man, and I want to talk to you about today's sponsor, Uber Eats. At Uber Eats, we've helped more than 400,000 restaurants across the U.S. reach new, hungry customers and deliver growth quickly through new orders. Uber's global platform can help you grow, reach new people, get valuable sales data, and unlock ways to expand with flexible delivery options. Put your business on Uber Eats. Get access to the Uber Eats platform, including valuable sales data to grow your business. Dig into your data. Really dig in there anytime to monitor your performance and customer order trends. Wow. Wow. Why, restaurant owners, enjoy 0% commission for the first 30 days on all orders,

offer subject to change per the terms of the restaurant agreement. Wow, 0% on the first 30 days. Sign up today. That link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click. Or if you're on your phone, use your finger. And click that link. Click that link in the episode description. A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn. It can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the right man's brow. These are the words of Ovid, a Roman poet whose work stands alongside the master's Virgil and Horace,

and is no doubt the most significant resident of the town, now known as Sumona, Italy. The second most important Sumonisi was Pope Innocent VII, though his papacy was brief and insubstantial, a two-year term presiding over the disastrous Western schism. And the third most significant inhabitant of Sumona may very well be Joseph Cugnale, whose family immigrated to Boston during his childhood. Growing up around the restaurant industry, Cugnale found success in the business in his 20s, and in 1981 he launched his own Italian-American concept, inspired by the brick pizza ovens in his grandmother's Italian hometown. The chain stayed local to the Commonwealth

during the Reagan years, and then grew into neighboring states in the 90s and 2000s. Like many sit-down chains, it's been hit hard by recent events and filed for bankruptcy in 2018, before being bought off the scrap heap by Robert Earl, owner of Planet Hollywood, Buka de Beppo, and a stable of indefensible Celebrity Ghost kitchens. But even in its current state, the Osteria remains a base state institution. And one could say that by daring to take a risk and in due time reaping the rewards, Cugnale lived the advice of his fellow Sumonisi Ovid. Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast.

In the pool where you least expected, there will be a fish. This week on Doughboys, Bertucci's. Welcome to Doughboys, I'm Nick Wilder. How you doing everybody? Who's sticking around for, from the first show? Who was here for the first show? Wow, okay, all right. And who is extremely drunk? One of Mitch's Quincy crew has been cut off by the bar, so... We won't name him, but we will get him out here. Folks, this week's roast is courtesy of Corey. Let me introduce my co-host, the Boston Crusty Socks.

The Spoonman, Mike Mitchell. I want to come out to the awesome power steam. It's the silly show. It's the silly show. This is how silly this show is. I didn't take good. No, it's silly, not good. This is the, I can tell this is a silly show, Mitch, because we have two guests, the two of us, but five chairs. Five chairs? Very silly. Emma! Ooh, she won't get paid a single cent.

She gets a Doughboys class credit. Mitch, you are going to take everybody to a, you have, you have your plan of like, everyone's got to see every, every part of Boston. And as part of that, you are going to take a crew to the Red Sox game tomorrow. You'll like it on the Fenway. That, that, that is right. Yes. We're going to, are you going to go to the Red Sox game? I'm, I'm leaning against it at this point. I just feel like I need a good night's sleep. Jesus! I appreciate the invite. Josh Cantor, the organist for the Red Sox. Shout out. He's here.

What's up, Josh? Hooked us up with tickets. Thank you so much, Josh. Hooked us up with five tickets. Yes. And it was a pain in the ass to do, and now you're not going. I'm going to see how I feel in the morning. I'm sorry, Josh.

Thanks, Josh. Well, you know, what can you do? Are you, what do you go, you go to Fenway. What, what is your game plan? Do you get yourself a Fenway Frank every time? Ooh, good question. I always get a Fenway Frank and a beer. That's usually what I do. There you go. The sausage guy is outside the, the park.

Huge hog on him. Everybody just walks by. Hey, look at that thing. Yeah. It's just a guy who has to go up and see his hog. It shows you his hog. This is great. This beer, this chew on that odd by nature. It's a high chew beer. It's very good. Wow.

Very good. I don't know. Whatever ad in the beginning of the toe boys episode. Also, I'm in the part of the tour where my kidneys are hurting. Yeah. I was in the other room and gave her, just like, sit down there. And I was like, no, my kidneys are hurting through my back. I need a soft surface. I've said, we've had this discussion before and we actually had it with,

you know, with our, with our guests as well, which is that I think you have a tendency sometimes when we're on these tours. I'm not trying to scold you here to go into vacation mode, where every meal becomes a treat when really like, bitch. Give me my little treats. You become a treat, lad. You're looking for treats.

I'm a little treat boy. Give me the treats. Like a little, I'll wag my little tail. Give me a treat. And we can't deny you a treat when you're, wagging your little tail. It's so cute. Look at him. Oh, no, no, no, I want it. No, I want us. There you go.

Scruff up your beard there. He likes it. He likes you. Shit. I'm rock hard. Logs, I realized that. I ate very hot salsa before I came out on stage for real. You guys think I'm on drugs.

I ate a spoonful of hot salsa. I realized that when we were in Foxwoods, I was like, once the last time I went to Foxwoods, I remember the last time I was in Foxwoods. I dove into a fountain with stocky. Yeah, you were saying this. I like ran up and I like, and there was like a flat surface

and I like kind of beached myself like a seal. Did you get exiled from the premises? We kind of ran out after that. But that was my return to Foxwoods. It was after my seal beaching that we did a show. We had a lot of fun. A crowd drunker than this one somehow. It was.

It was a very, I mean, it was a casino crowd. They're going to be inebriated. Sorry, you guys are drunker, of course. You guys are the drunkers. Yeah, you guys win. It was Wu Tang who got cut off. Emma, did you like my Austin Powers thing? I thought it was very funny.

You did create a lot of extra work for Emma, having to swap out a cue at the last minute. She was like, are you serious? I was like, hmm. He's funny. He's Austin. And then Nick said Boston Powers. He could have done like a Boston Powers.

Yeah, baby. Yeah, Patriots, baby. That's good. That's really good. Let's stop by Duncan's Get Randy, baby. All right, here we go. Focus on your reel. Boston Powers.

Yeah, I think so. Along with, what was my, the Donkey Kong, the inspiration for Donkey Kong? Oh, Don Kong, the human inspiration for Donkey Kong. He's a good character. Lorne Michaels, you fucked up. Emma, let's hit him with the drop. I'm a mass man.

Yeah, I'm a mass man. No. So many masses, so little time, a little tight one. Mass hole, can't stop me on a dime. From Massachusetts, I'm saying you're a Massachusetts man. Wow. Mass man. You know what, I liked it.

Short. Like Ass Man. Like Ass Man. Mass Man. Badass Billy Gunn's theme, Ass Man. That's right. Walkout music. Yeah.

And it changed to Mass Man. That was fun. That was fun. I liked it. I liked that one. I liked it too. Good work. Good work.

You know what, we love them when it's 15 seconds. It's great. It's a reference we know just with one Doughboy-specific replace. That's great. That'll get the show. That's the kind of stuff we want to see. High spoon, man.

This is a drop class. This is it. Oh, you guys didn't know that this is the drop class? Yeah. Second show is drop class. Third show is a meeting with Woo. An intervention with all of the Wilbur. Woo's the man.

He's having fun out there. Love, Woo. High spoon, man. And Burger Boy, I am sure I am not the only one to come up with Mass Man song. Don't be so sure. But as a die hard wrestling fan for my whole life, along with my love of the two of you,

I couldn't pass up the opportunity. So here's to the Ass Man himself, Billy Gunn. Wow. And the newly crowned Mass Man, Mike Mitch Mitchell. He said, Mass Man, Mike Mitch Mitchell. M5 times. Thanks for all the good times. That is funny.

My name to M.M. is M. Well, you get the D in there, though. Michael Donovan, M-M-M-M. Thanks for all the good times, Jesus. The show is going to suck. It's the silly show. It's the silly show. Show two is the silly show.

I was going to say your initials are kind of like you're pondering over whether or not to privately message someone. You're like, M-M-D-M. Or a late-night call for an M-M-M, M-M-M. Thanks for all the good times, and fuck fountain soda the ice. What? What? Thanks for all the good times.

You mad about fountain soda ice? And fuck fountain soda the ice in calibrations ruin a good drink. What? Andy D from FTW. Are you here, Andy D? I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here, Andy D. What is this take? Oh my god.

You don't like fountain sodas? Find them. Let's fucking, let's destroy them. Let's get them. Why not? Why not? It's a late show. It's the silly show.

It's a silly show. Let's beat someone to death for their opinion. It's the silly show. It's the silly show. We're going to tear a limb from limb in front of you. One guy just like, get them, boys. All right. Wigs.

Yes. We're not funny. We need two guests. Well, I wait, you're talking about the guests, but Mitch, I thought there was a special guest. Given this, given where we are, given what's going on. What the hell are you talking about?

Mitch, we of course were, you are Hale from Quincy. Yeah. The city of presidents. Oh fuck. How did you forget this? He's over there sitting there all sad. Look, Nick. Archie, do you give me shit for my outline?

Aren't you glad I put that in my outline? I am. Though it's very funny to think him just sitting there for the whole show. Hey, yeah. I put the costume on and then you never called me out. So sad the wings. I'm from for 90 minutes.

I'm from Quincy, Mass. That's right. And in the first show of the night. Someone said, you said you're from Quincy, Mass. I was like, what? You're at the wrong show. There was, there was a guy. I saw a guy out front.

He's like, dude, like, can I get a pic? I'm a fan. And I was like, oh, that's very nice. And we took a pic. I was like, you're coming to the show. He's like, no, I'm going to the Wang Center. I was like, what? He's going to see some classical fucking pianist asshole.

Fucking Wang Center for a reason. That guy's a fucking dinky. It's not like the Wilba Baby. Oh, it's the silly show. We're far too silly up here. Too silly for the Wang Center. Fucks. We look in the first show, John Adams came out.

That's true. Yes, he did. That's why I'm on the stage. It was very exciting. For the second show, we're not going to do the same fucking bullshit. Why would we do that? So please welcome to the stage, John Quincy Adams. Wow.

John Adams' son. There he is. Ringing his famous bell like his old man. It runs in the family. There he goes. Say your famous line. Wow. A kiss for Mitch.

Do you have a thing you say? His famous line, hear you, hear you, junior. So much wardrobe, so much of your friend's time. Also, not a performer, a guy with a job. He had the shakes offstage. Fucking like, oh fuck, I got to do this. And then I forgot. He did great.

He was great. He was great. He was great. Ramondi, everyone. Ramondi. Big hand for Ramondi. He's going to be mad. He's in character.

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, John Quincy Adams, everyone. I apologize. I told him he should make a real John Adams cameo, just to see if anyone. Anyone put pays him money to, like, have a birthday greeting? Ring a bell. He's gotten into character.

He's been, like, studying by candlelight. Yes. No electricity. Political opinions have improved, actually. Got more progressive. Believes in mole men. He did. John Quincy Adams believed in mole men.

Is that true? Yes. He spent a lot of money to dig into the earth to find mole men. That's awesome. That's where the Mitchell's came from. Hey. Not a lot of light down here. We have squinty eyes.

We can't do this for another hour. We absolutely can. No, we can't. No, it's a no. We can be silly up here for another hour. Easily. This is going to be great. I think especially Wigs.

Yes. If we introduce too silly, yes. Oh, my goodness. I'm worried if we call them silly, they're going to beat us up. Too funny, guess. First up for the podcast, High and Mighty in Action Boys, and the upcoming show, 101 Places to Party Before You Die, coming to True TV this summer.

Check it out, John Gabriel. Wow. Uh-oh. Coming out with T to the second show. Yeah. That ain't good. Still bouncing back, brother. All right.

Time for the serious show. Wait, the second one's the silly one. The second one's the silly one. I did so silly stuff in the first one. All I have left are my serious bits. I got a question for you. Do you think you'll get to the 101 Places before you die? There is in my contract a clause in which my wife will get...

It's called a kill fee if I get killed. It's funny because I don't think so, and part of the reason is because of the show. I was like, oh, yeah, we got to eat another pork lunch? Got it. Okay. My doctor keeps telling me that this job is... I was like, I'm like a fucking black mirror.

Very excited for the show. Very excited for this show, too, and for this next guest. From Grand Crew on NBC, the podcast, the Flaker ones at XOXO, Gossip Kings, Carl Tartt. Talking about drugs, talking about drugs. Wow. Wow. Hello. Man, who sent that hot ass salsa back to you?

Are you here? Is the salsa person here? Were they here for the first show? Black Parker salsa? Okay, well, we timed that. That was a bit for the first show. Oh my God, my mouth is still burning. Yeah, it's very hot.

I watched Carl pour himself a little shot of half and half backstage. His mouth is burning. I was drinking some out of a bowl on the floor, too. I got to try the salsa. I didn't try any yet. You're a bit of a... Oh, yeah, I'm a bit of a heat seeker. This show is embarrassing.

We're talking about Bertucci's today, which means we're talking Italian food. Gabriel, as you in particular, I know, have some strong opinions on Italian food. That's correct, Nick. All right, this is the silly show. Fuck. Italian Americans for generations have...

No. I have a lot of opinions about... I also had a Bertucci's on Long Island growing up. You mentioned that. On the way to the mall, on the way to Roosevelt Field up on Merrick Ave, right after Hamstead Turnpike. And it fucking...

I loved it as a kid. And Italian food in general, I have a lot of strong opinions on. Bertucci's doesn't land in the category of Italian food. Interesting. But I don't hate it. Uh-oh. Yeah.

Say bye-bye to them golden plates, bitch. Bitch. Dear God, did I drive that bad? Is that why you guys are so mad at me? No, what? We're not mad at you. By the way, if I say I don't like a restaurant that is a 25-minute drive from your child at home,

that does not mean I'm mad at you. That equals you're mad at me. That means you're mad at me. Okay. You... I worry that you, like, this is rubbed off on your family, or maybe it's going the opposite direction,

because backstage between shows, your mother, Mrs. Mitchell, who we had a lovely time with, she asked for a photo, and she said, let's do it quick so Weigher doesn't get mad at me. I'm not going to get mad at your mom. I'm not a monster. Well, it's not helpful, like,

every time you're mad at your buddy. Hi, Mrs. Mitchell. I gave her a hug. Hey, Nick. You did give her a hug. I gave her a hug. Fucking long-ass hug if you ask me. Running his hand down the small of her back.

Yeah, it won't be at the Red Sox. Give her a hug. Give her a smile. Yeah, it won't be at the Red Sox game. We got Mother's Day plans. I just realized you're going to the Fenway on Mother's Day. You're home. You're staying with your mom.

And a bar in her car. But to be fair, in Mitch's house, every day is Mother's Day. Mom's Day, we call it. Nick, you were hugging my mom and she's like, Nick, your leg. Okay. Okay.

Oh, shit. One, two, three. He's got a big dick. Carl, what do you do? How do you feel about Italian food and pizza in particular? I have a lot of strong opinions on Italians in general. Easy. Uh, it's the silly show.

And Italians are very silly folk. It's very silly. Always moving your hands around. It's all the hand motions. Chill out. We do that, too. We have more in common than you think Italians. Stop being so mean.

I love Italian food. Who doesn't? Yeah. Yeah, of course. You love good pizza. Of course. I can't wait to try this pizza place that you're going to take me to. I'm going to take him to Regina tomorrow, the original.

Oh, very exciting. Well, I maybe just ruined that by telling everyone here we're going. Is there only one? The, uh, you, we're going to go to the one at Federal Hall. We're going to go to the one at the Foxwood's food court. I got to get a little more letter ride timing, baby. I told Gabriel that I never knew he was a true scumbag

till last night seeing him at, uh, what table was that? I liked that you're like, when I looked over and saw you sitting next to your mother gambling, I knew you were a true scumbag. Because my, we are, we are, we prefer the term degenerates, but we answered a scumbag. What was the table? It's called let it ride. It's like, yeah, it's a slow burn losers game.

That's why my mom and I play it. It's, it's not like, but, but it seems to share something in common with Texas hold them, but it's not hold them. Right, correct. You're just trying to make a good hand. You're not trying to beat anybody. Got it, got it. I watched him play that shit for like an hour.

I'm standing behind him and I'm like, he's just giving money away. Like this game, there seems to be no way that you can win. You won once the whole time. Yeah, I, I don't know. I'm not good at gambling. And the other guys weren't winning either. And that dude, he kept switching seats like, no, this is my lucky seat. Now I'm like, bro, go home.

Gabriel's got up and made a very funny joke. And I was like, be careful. That seat's warm. And he was like, man, fuck you, man, get out of here, man. I'm trying to, he's like, you're getting up. I'm going to get in that seat. I'm like, bro, I have been steam pressing this fucking thing for like three hours post show. The casino chef came out and fried some eggs on it.

He did an onion volcano on it. I left an onion volcano somehow. The fuck did you eat? I had guys American kitchen for a 1030 PM reservation. Did you go to guys before and after the show? No, no, no, no, no, no. I went to CPK before the show. All right.

Blart, my mom likes to split pea soup there. I like to split pea soup. Yeah, let's go. And then he went and she said, I'm taking my mom out for like mother's day lunch. And she's like, this is fine. I like to split pea soup. So I'm sitting at CPK with my mom in the Foxwoods casino.

I told you, mom, once I was on TV, I'd take care of you. Don't get the barbecue chicken. That shit's a rip off. Mitch, you and I have talked at length about the death of the sit down pizzeria. And that is one thing in the plus column for Bertucci's, which is that this is a sit down pizza part. Okay. So the points you're giving it is that it's a pizza place where you can sit down.

No, I'm just saying, like so many pizza, pizza concepts are, you know, they're like basically glorified kiosks. It's like, here's a, here's a place that has an oven that it's designed for carry out and for delivery. Yeah, maybe there's two tables. Maybe there's two tables, but they're just like there for show, basically. They're rarely used. But like the old school pizza, we've talked about how much we love that. That pizza had with the red cola cups.

We love it. Absolute blast. Oh, I missed that. We went on a field trip there one time when I was in like kindergarten or, and then we got to see how they made the pizza and she was like, this is not good to show kindergarteners. I don't think. No, we should, we should be striving to be more than this.

No, no, no disrespect to. Right. But yeah, let's meet astronauts first and shit. Like let's, let's like learn the, you know, the variety of the bars we could sit here. Yeah, we went, we'd go there for like a football pasta nights, like like the carving nights. God, car bloating. Car bloating.

Different world that was. We went for car bloating. I remember we went there for car bloating when I was a sophomore at North Quincy High School and I saw one of my classmates beat up some, another classmate, a female's dad. Jesus. Truth. Just beat up this.

I was like, man, the dad's getting his ass kicked. This is crazy. At pizza. Yeah, she's eating slices. What happened? I don't know. Some disagreement. Beat the shit out of, I'm some Quincy guys can probably attest to it.

I think Romandy was there at the time. Just beat the shit out of a guy's. When you see a dad get beat up here, I fuck. Yeah. Well, there's a certain age where you're like, oh wait, like, like adults can be defeated. Yes. But you don't, I've never seen something that visceral. I still haven't reached that age.

I still don't think adults can be defeated. Yeah, when a teenager, you're like, man, the teens are strong. I think that's what I thought in my head. One of the most useful things I learned from Boy Scouts, maybe the most useful, is just that adults could be stupid. Because there are just so many just dumb dads who are assistant scout masters, just saying the dumbest, strongest shit all the time. And like status is just like, hey, I can drive.

So I know everything. And it's like, no, dude, I know I'm 13, but what you're talking about makes no fucking sense. Yeah, you're completely full of shit. But you have silver hair and a mustache. So that confers some sort of like authority on you. So I guess I'm going to camp with you. I really do like a sit-down pizzeria. I wish there were more of them.

I wish people sometimes ask, hey, what would be a chain restaurant concept you would do for your own? I was like, let's bring back the old school pizza hut. Let's bring back that vibe, that energy. You can even do one for adults. Like, hey, this is more grown-ups focused. Pizza hutting. We used to have, like, our pizza hut served beer, I think, because I remember my dad, if we did talk them into letting us go out to a restaurant

and then did convince them that we can go get pizza, I feel like my dad would be like, whoa, let's go to the pizza hut. You know, like the one that serves alcohol? Yeah, OK. Well, you got it, man. I think they become a lot less good. Since now that's a conveyor belt pizza, it's not good anymore. Yeah, I agree.

There's no butter to that pan pizza. Pizza hut sucks now. It's sad. It's a bummer. I've had pizza hut, like, once in the last 10 years, and it was in, like, Oxnard, California. And Tiffany, Tiffany's like, I'm going to just take a nap. Order whatever you want from pizza hut.

She never woke back up, but I had ordered my five-five. She still hasn't woken back up. Only a kiss from her. True love will wake her up. As long as I keep her asleep, I can get anything I want. So I have to go back to Oxnard and kiss her. I'm losing money on this Airbnb. You've got to get there, Doc.

I need your help. We've got to step the pace up on this. You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad. You're going to Costa Rica. That's right, why? So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun. Going to maybe see a monkey.

Oh, that's fun. Going to maybe see a bird. Just that. Just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what? Knowing some Spanish might be helpful down there.

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just in terms of having some conversational knowledge of another language. With Babbel, you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson. So you can start having real-life conversation in as little as three weeks, Wigs. Babbel's expertly crafted lessons are built around real life. You learn how to have practical conversations

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The dough was being stretched, the flour was raining from the ceiling. That was sheet rock. The asbestos was crumbling into our mouths and pizzas. Nick Saban was there. This poor man who looked like Nick Saban. He did look a lot like Nick Saban. Maybe it was Nick Saban.

I don't know, I don't mind to say that it wasn't Nick Saban. I mean, for the podcast, we could have just said we saw Nick Saban there. But we never lie to you guys. It's true. Even in the silly show, we don't lie. We lie to ourselves every day that this is a viable profession. Me and Mitch lie to ourselves. We say our dads are proud of us.

This is exactly what I hoped you'd do, son. Slowly kill yourself with sodium and then talk about it. I've heard a lot from Mitch from your circle of friends who I'm in touch with and spent some time with and got a lot of takes on Bertu cheese. The hell is going on now? We're just hanging out. You want me to hang out? I'm hanging out with people.

We're making fun. Without me? Well, no, not without you. But like you were there. Let's give Nick credit for hanging out. I was hanging out. That's a good point. This is a huge victory for him.

Hanging out. This is the tour that he said. This is the tour he said you're going to have fun. I texted in quotes like my philosophy for this will be, this will be fun. And that's the attitude I've tried to convey throughout this entire tour. But he did let us know today very boldly. I'm not going to that game tomorrow.

And then someone said, you can walk from the hotel. It's like 45 minutes. And that's when he perked up. I was like, you're excited for a 45 minute walk? I was excited about that walk. He was excited about the walk. Lovely walking city, Boston. Walked through it last time I was here.

Now, great walking town. Nice breeze, a brisk ass breeze blowing up. When you're like my size and your shirts never really cover everything and you get like that ice cold blast to your fucking sacrum. And you're like, whoa. Yeah, I have a Madonna dress situation at my mid-drift where you just see my belly hang out. Carl.

I really wanted to show you the city. Because you were a Boston skeptic, I would say. Starting point guard for the Boston skeptics, Carl Tartt. And I got to say, we really haven't shown you the city at all. Well, I got to see every inch of Quincy. I know everything about it. I love showing you Quincy and I want to take you to that McDonald's. Maybe we'll go late night tonight, but I don't think so.

I saw the Uber that you made us take back into the city after you showed us your hotel. Yeah, once you got yourself home, you guys who flew across the country to support your show when we got in an Uber with Nick and got ourselves to our hotel. And I got to see a bit of the city doing that. Made you in bed and shit. I said goodbye to you guys from the bed. I was tucked in. I was like, oh, so you're not going to give us a ride back?

As soon as we get, well, that's all of Quincy. What y'all about to do? What y'all getting into? It didn't make sense for me to drive in and drive back. The Celtics game was starting. I think I'll for you. Fucking lost. Woo!

If you think we're villains now, wait to hear what we say about Bertucci. They're just mad. First of all, I'd say, you know, Stanley Tucci and Bertucci's have something in common. They're both looking for Italy. How dare you? How dare you bring Stanley Tucci into a Bertucci's roast like that? He would love Bertucci's. Stanley Tucci would have a great time.

There was a hair in one of my things, but we don't know. And it was one of those situations where I was like, oh, hair. And on the end was like just a tiny person. I got it. Sorry. Oh, swallow her back up. It's the silly show. That was very silly what you just did.

That tiny person attached to a hair swallowed him. That's ridiculous. I say it's silly. Silly. We're delivering on it. These people are blackout drunk. They don't give a fuck what we say. They don't give a fuck what we say until we start telling them what we ordered.

And they're like, oh, they didn't even get the chicken bacon ranch hand-dossed. Look at this place. I don't know how. I honestly don't know how passionate people are. Jesus Christ. That was the last show. Two hours and 45 minutes late. He just woke up.

Kelly's. His partner just put the fucking chlorophore napkin back over his mouth. I should keep him out until the end of the show. So like I was meaning to say, bitch, I talked with some of your friends and they seemed to all have takes on Bertucci's. I got some like, I love Bertucci's. That was my favorite. Some Bertucci's skepticism, but everyone seemed to say some version of I haven't been in years.

And from what I've read, this place has really, you know, it's been through tough times. It's receded a lot. Filed for bankruptcy in 2018, which I believe I mentioned in my intro, and was acquired by Robert Earl. Robert Earl is the owner of Planet Hollywood. Book of the Bepple. Yeah, something of a villain. I think you can boom.

He's the villain. And virtual dining concepts, which has all the, you know, Mariah Carey's cookies, taiga bites, Mr. Beast Burger. So he's kind of, and from what I can tell, he seems to be most interested in Bertucci's, so he can use their kitchen space to prep for these ghost kitchens. So that kind of all explains maybe why. They're right. I mean, they're dead on.

Yeah. Why is Bertucci going this direction? I'm sorry. We're backstage drinking half and half. It's just Remondian and a more complicated outfit. Like, what is this bit? That was Mr. Earl, the owner. So a lot of things have changed because of this acquisition.

And because of this COVID, one thing that was discontinued, Mitch, was the endless salad, which you were excited for. And people may remember. But the other thing that I was very excited for, and you were excited for, me on my behalf, is the child dough. The child dough has been discontinued. No child dough. You can't get the child dough.

They won't bring it to you. And you know what? Our waitress went corporate. She said that. She said corporate. She said corporate. Yeah, she said corporate. Servers were great.

She said, sorry, no dough, boys. And then Mitch and Nick got up and stormed down. And she was like, no, I said no dough, boys. It's the silly show. I was, for a minute, I was like, what on earth? Oh, it's the silly show. What on earth is happening? Gabriel, you, I believe, have had the child dough, Mitch.

You certainly remember the child dough. What is that experience? What do you think the child dough is? It's like a voodoo doll for a kid. You need it. And never mind. This sounds insane. What is the child dough?

The child. First of all, I never heard it called the child dough. Okay, sorry. I don't know. The dough, they'd bring out a little roll of dough for little kids to just play with. So you get a ball of dough and the kids would be playing with the dough,

getting their fucking little gross fingers in it, and they'd be playing around with it. Then they'd take it back and they'd make it to a pizza. So it's like a literal play dough. It's like, here's some dough for you to mess around. But it's actual dough. It's actual dough. They do not make it into a pizza.

It's disgusting. The kids just play with it. That's fun. I will say overall, even on this visit to Bertucci's, my thesis statement would be, if you're a kid, this is the place you root for your parents to pick for a restaurant. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like that's what, that's the vibe I felt in there is that you're a kid, you're like, oh, I hope they say Bertucci's. You know, I hope mom wants Bertucci's tonight. Because going there, I don't know if that restaurant is for adults. Like the food, like you can get a better slice of pizza at a gas station.

Interesting. Archie Pattonized's lunch spot, where we meet up and have lunch all the time. But take it to a gas station. Our friend Mike, who was at the meal with us, did compare the pizza just as a slice to Chuck E. Cheese's. Yeah, yeah. Look, he's not an official reviewer.

Sorry, Mike. Mike, I'll be using your quote in my final statement. I'll be using your quote as precedent. You guys are cranky. You're cranky. We're not cranky. Why don't we be cranky? We're having a great time.

Honestly, you're super sensitive. We can't even talk about restaurants in a review way on a restaurant review show. We have, oh, you know what, do we have a song in this show? No. No, I just wrote one. This is Mitch's song. They call me the pandora.

Because I pender, pender, pender, pender, pender alone. They call me the pandora. You piece of shit. I don't pander. I love this crowd. And I love this city. And I give them the truth. Look, Bertu...

I remember when Bertu Cheese came around. First of all, I remember South Shore Plaza back when they had Regina in there. And it was a good Regina back in the day. South Shore Plaza, where Paul Blart, Mall Cop, are you eating an edible? Yeah, Gavris is having some substance. Uh-oh.

This is going to be the silly show. It's the silly show. I don't think it'll hit me until I have to interact with any of these people. It's my medicine. It's my anti-anxieties. How many milligrams is that for you? That's 50 milligrams.

Wow. It's a gift from Tim from the first show. Wow, that's rad. Yeah. It was funny. You got spicy salsa and I got edibles. Gavris is like 50. That's like the perfect dose.

That's like my plain dose. And Ramonnie was back there and was like, Jesus Christ. I ate 75 milligrams of spicy salsa. Followed by 50 CCs, a half and half stat. You also talked into your coffee cup in the last show. That's true. Yeah, I got a little too high before the last show, too.

And I talked a lot. Emma will fix it in post. She's a fucking genius. She mic'd up your coffee cup. It's a federal wiretap in here, by the way. Trying to bust up a ring that's in Comet Pizza at Bertucci's. John Podesta is serving up child dough. It's amazing.

We've got to move now. Weigar's dough. We know it's the day. The ATF takes Weigar's laptop. He wrote child dough too many times. It's code. Why's this guy keep using Bing? That's creepy shit.

The, yeah. Paul Blart Mall Cop was filmed, speaking of silly, was filmed at the South Shore Plaza. I worked at the now AMC across the street at one point with Micas. Wow. And I remember when that Bertucci's came in. My dad also buried very close to the Bertucci's. By request.

By request, intentionally. It was in his will. Just anywhere near Bertucci's, really. Dad, you want to take another minute and just like think this out? I'm always at his grave with the roll. Hot, fresh roll. We should talk about the rolls. Because for me, that was a highlight.

Yes. Those rolls are great. And those rolls got hyped up for me. And they absolutely delivered. You get these hot little rolls. You get a little dish of olive oil. It was described to me by one of your friends, Mitch, as like their cheddar bay biscuit.

Yes. I was just about to use that pull quote. Haze of who told me that because I was just interacting with strangers all night last night. But someone said that and I felt that same way when I had it. Rippin' into a hot piece of bread and then having some sort of oil-sitch. You can't do much better than that. Home run is a free app. I really, really like those.

Yeah, they were great. They're great. And they used to be served with butter back in the day. Now they have an olive oil mix with some... I thought something was going on behind me. You scared the shit out of me. What do you mean? We're looking at you because you're talking.

This is going to happen a few more times. This is going to might continue to happen throughout the show. So just prepare yourself. That when you talk to people, they may look back at you attentively. Olive oil with lots of little flavor mixed in there. It was perfect. Seasoning. I slicked my beard down with that shit.

Gabriel was rubbing it on his elbows. I got those elephant elbows. Yeah, a great free app wise. And also with the endless salad, which I was very confused by what is happening. You could get the soup or salad entree and that comes with unlimited salad. Yes. But it's not just like you can't just order that as a standalone app now. Yeah.

And that was only a nine minute conversation with the server nailing down the bottomless. And you kept saying the bottomless salad, which sounds like a salad with its font hanging out. Hey buddy, your carrot's showing. It's the silly show, bitch. I think you're right that kids do like it, but I think it's like slightly older kids wise. You're saying like those little old grandpa kids? Not jacks. I'm not talking about jacks.

The movie jack with Robin Williams. The guy with metal arms from Mortal Kombat? Silly show. You called it. Silly. Instead of toasty. So I'm saying like older kids like it, Wags. I'm sorry, just that your reference for an accelerated aging character is the Robin Williams film jack.

No one remembers that movie. Yeah, they do. Francis Ford. Francis Ford Coppola. Francis Ford Coppola directed jack, the director of Godfather. It's you, Jack. And you know what, it's my favorite movie of his. See, mine's Rainmaker.

Lovely movie. Really recommend it. It's a good Christian adaptation. But yeah, if you're if you're hitting 11 or 12, you know, like later elementary school, it's already disappointing. That's like when you're like really, you're like, I'm a Bertucci's kid. You know what I mean? I know.

And Boston, when you're 12, you are still in elementary school. You get branded with a B for Bertucci's or an R for Regina. And you are conscripted into the pizza wars. Honestly, here's my question. Are people are people passionate about Bertucci's? No. Truly a passionate, no response. Yeah.

So it's kind of a complicated answer. They are passionate about not being passionate. Right. They're adamantly not passionate. Mitchell say that this was a childhood favorite of yours. You've been you've been a bunch of times. You have a bunch of memories attached to a bunch of nostalgia. Yeah.

So but but can you at least acknowledge that it has changed from what you remember? Certainly. Yes, it has changed. And it perhaps you can discern that like the quality level has fallen a bit. Because to me, this was this did not feel like a chain that was bringing its A game. They call me the Pandora. I got our meal. I mean, look, we'll get into it, but I thought the meal was pretty good.

Well, we okay, let's get into it. Bertucci's sampler was our appetizer. You get yourself some Tuscan chicken wings. Tuscan wings are marinated in lemon and rosemary. There's a there's a mozzarella Frita, which was like a, you know, big flat mozzarella stick, meatballs, ricotta and a little bit of focaccia. Yeah, solid sampler. I like those wings quite a bit.

Sampler. Yeah, the wings were crispy, which we did. I thought the wings were going to be really bad. Look, I go to Bertucci's for salad rolls and pizza. That's what I go to Bertucci's for. Okay. And nothing else really. So pyramid.

What's that? The wings tasted like they had been in a freezer. Oh, wow. I didn't think that. You didn't get that? Did you eat them? I had one later while y'all wasn't looking. Carl.

This is why you have to come to the live shows, because there's no way to describe what Carl just performed. Carl did the same shit I seen on his OnlyFans. Thank you for subscribing. I'm really running through money with that Airbnb and your OnlyFans. You've got to please kiss my wife, won't you? I thought this appetizer, it was deep. I did not think it was going to be great and I thought it was pretty decent.

I thought it was all right. I'd rather have mozzarella sticks. That's my big thing, that big flat guy. It was just, it was just tougher to share. Thank you, single person for applauding. The wings, I was surprised that they didn't go for a more conventional, like, you know, usually in these sampler plotters, they're trying to go, you know, lowest common denominator, you get your buffalo sauce or your barbecue sauce, which, hey, I like both those sauces,

but they went for sort of a more unique thing with the lemon and rosemary. Kind of, I guess, lemon, pepper adjacent. But I thought those were pretty, I thought the seasoning was pretty decent on those. Yeah, I thought so. I squeezed a little lemon on there. It was nice. It was fun. I thought the meatball was all right.

I put it on a little piece of bread. The meatball wasn't bad. It was like a top tier frozen meatball. Like, truly, it was good. You know that you can tell by the texture when you bite into it, and it's like completely smooth, like slate, you're like, it's a frozen meatball. I was eating it like an apple on the other side of the table, biting into it. That piece of cheese, you're right, it's hard to share it.

And then if you let it sit too long, the cheese will get hard. And then you cut it, and somebody gets your piece of cheese, so now you're just eating breading. Yes. All right, look, we've got to get into what was happening here. We've got to talk about this. Carl, we brought you here as an employee of Doe Boys. And last night, I saw you go down in an elevator in the Foxwoods Casino at about 4 a.m. And I said, that's trouble.

We got to Bertucci's today, and you were having a hard time. I was having a bit of a hard time in Bertucci's. I was not, what? What are you doing? Oh, I'm glad, I'm glad we followed up with this guy. I'm not, I'm yelling at this guy, it's like my uncle, I'm sure. Ooh. Whoa.

Hey, hey, we're talking to the guy who was talking, we're talking to us. Oh, he's maybe yelling at the other guy, they'll fight each other, it'll be fine. If you're yelling at the other guy, that's fine, yeah. All right, let's not yell at anybody. Yeah. If you're going to fight each other, just be quiet about it. Silent punches, please. We in Boston now, baby.

So I was not hungry, I'm still on West Coast time. So the time that we had gotten there would be equivalent to like 9 a.m. And I just didn't want that shit at that point. But I did take it, I took it with me, we traveled with it. All throughout Quincy. When I got to my hotel room, I ate it. There's a trail of Doughboys fans behind the car waddling. It's a Pied Piper situation.

The government's requesting we drive this car into the bay. We could help with the food supply chain issues if we wipe this precision target out. A little less silly, sorry. I'll dial back the precision drone strikes. Nick and I, we had a sit down in our office and we talked to you about it. These are my bosses and I did get a demerit. I got a demerit for not eating the food on time when served. I was told I've been eating too much at all the locations.

They say, they think I'm really starting to take advantage of the fact that they pick up the check. That was in my review. I think that we were all kind of hurting at Pertuches today. We drove directly from Fox. Gabriel, I think you put it best when my map quest was, my map quest. The fuck? I got the map quest app. My apple maps on my phone was, directions to Kelly's roast beef and revere, directions to Foxwoods,

directions to DeAngelo's, directions back to Foxwoods, directions to Pertuches. And now Siri is like, you forgot the extra stop at Dunkin Donuts. The GPS auto called a doctor. Dialing doctor, now Mitch, we told you, stop this please. We were in the waiting room and I heard Siri go, still there? So look, the third meal after a night of celebrating at a casino, celebrating. Yeah, what were we celebrating? Celebrating that we were done with the meet and greet line that formed after the show.

Had a lovely time. Me too. It's the silly show. We can't make fun of them for a minute. Oh, we silly. So we, look, I feel like it's going to be tough no matter what. And that's an area. I'll say this.

I did not have, I did not get drunk last night. I didn't have anything to drink. I went to bed at a late hour for me, you know, about midnight Pacific. But I did get about seven hours of sleep. I feel like I was well rested. I feel like my digestion was pretty well in line with where it normally is. I feel like I was going in with a, you know, with ready to have a fresh perspective on this chain and with an open mind as I always bring it.

And I feel like, no, I'm just saying like, like, like you can only credit so much. Play Austin Powers again. You can only say so much of what we experienced was regarding, it was because of how you guys were feeling. Because I don't think it was just that. That certainly like, like I think I can say as someone who was not enduring a lot of physical distress as we were having this meal, that I think just overall, it just wasn't that great. We talked about the other food.

I got a side salad. I think some of you guys got salads as well. I like that little mozzarella shred on there. That was fun. It's good. Tasty. The Italian's pretty good. You went with the French.

Decent ranch. Yeah. Solid ranch. The Italian's pretty good. I should give me a taste of it. It was, it's decent. This is a fine salad. I got the ever roasted broccoli, which to me was not roasted enough.

Give me a char on that. It was just like it just been kind of hot broccoli and cheese. Hot broccoli and cheese. And I don't think the ricotta was particularly high quality. I kind of liked it. That is also the one that I had a hair in. That was the one I had the most of because I did just kind of want some. That was the hair on.

I also like felt the hair going in my mouth. I was like, uh-oh. I kind of liked it. The mac and cheese, Carl. You got that and you had some later. Yeah. I got the mac and cheese against my better judgment. I won't.

I was debating between the fettuccine Alfredo. Can I call you what you said? I'm going to save this for later. I just ate half a bread roll and I feel like I'm going to throw up out of my asshole. I'm remembering that now. It wasn't. I'm trying to describe the feeling that I had. I was not hungover.

I might have still been drunk. I wasn't hungover. I did not have a headache, but my body was just like, man, go to bed. Right. So I just couldn't like, I ate the bread roll. I ate the cheese pop tart joker and the salad. I ate the salad with the thick ass Italian dressing and that dressing was thick. That dressing had ass.

That's the sign that's on the green room. It says thick ass Italian dressing. It's my request. But I did save the mac and cheese for later. Fair enough. That's fair. How did it go later? You know, I forgot to eat it.

You know, I didn't eat it. I didn't eat it. No, just playing. I did eat it. I did eat it. It was fine. It wasn't my ideal mac and cheese. It kind of tasted like it kind of tastes like Alfredo sauce.

Right. Because it's like all the Italian cheeses and it's on rigatoni. And I think it was only one Italian. I think it was only pecorino. Look, you can't blame a lot of this crazy Italian shit. These Italians do weird stuff. You can't blame the number two cheese. It's just an Italian restaurant.

It's not their fault for all the weird customs Italians do. You get what I'm saying? Maybe mozzarella too. But mozzarella is like not super flavorful. Right. Not a great melting cheese often. Well, it's a great melting cheese. Great on pizza, obviously.

But like if you put it in like an omelet or something, it doesn't work great. Well, we got to talk about the pizza. Because that's the reason to come here. It's a pizza place. Cheese pizza, big poppy. And we also got the roasted wild mushroom, which is their artisan hand stretched pizza

created by chef Christian Petroni, which they're really pushing right now. And guess what? As a surprise, Bertucci's went out all out. Big poppy delivered our pizza to us. That's right. Very exciting. The big poppy comes with...

Misch! Show pizza! Don't eat the mash. So the cheese pizza is just tomato sauce, pecorino romano, and mozzarella. And then the big poppy has meatballs, pepperoni, mozzarella, pecorino romano, hot cherry peppers, and their tomato sauce and just a little hot honey.

We're in a big hot honey craze right now. And a portion of all proceeds of big poppy pie purchases go to Big Poppy's Foundation, which I didn't do any research on. But I'm sure I trust him. Do you think hot honey is confusing for bees? Like bees will be like... Like spicy!

A little too spicy, yeah. It's... Hold on a second. It's the silly show. And that was actually really good. That was actually really good. Wait, I know it's the silly show, but may I get serious for a moment?

Please. Well, wait, was there an answer for the might be honey thing? I was going to say, I think it's maybe more likely that the bees are using them as a defense mechanism against a slow-witted bear who's coming over there and is like, ooh, I'm going to have some honey. And he tries to paw at it, and he's like, ah, it's hot. Oh, fuck!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get that bear some half and half. That's how come the bear gets Charmin stuck in its asshole. Can I be serious for a minute here? Mitch, you're ragging on us for our physical condition when we came in here. Like a football coach on day one of double shifts or whatever the fuck you call it.

Double sessions. Double sessions. Double sessions. In two days. And Jesus. My condition was I was hungover. I was fucked up. I didn't get a lot of sleep.

I kind of fell asleep in the tub. And I got super stoned as well and ate some edibles this morning because I was feeling that like shit. Did you really wake up in the tub? I wake up in the tub, but I dozed off in the tub. I was like, oh, I think it's time to get out of here. I think it's time to finish jerking off in my bed

like a grown-up. Can't snort anymore of these fucking bath salts. My head is killing me. But I want to say my condition added to my enjoyment of Bertucci's. Wow. Because Bertucci's, I needed, I was, I had been lowering the emotional taste bar in my head. Yes.

Because I'm like, I just need anything. And they're like, hey, we have hot dough and cheese that we can give you. And I was like, fuck, that is exactly what I need. And I barely liked anything I had, but I still felt so at home and good from, I felt so nourished. It was like one of those things where it's like,

man, if any other situation, this wouldn't be happening between us. But, you know. Ice, ice, I, oh, Jesus Christ. Oh shit. We have that ET Elliott thing. I ate the edible and it's hitting you. Thank God, maybe your blood pressure medication

won't work on me. Why did I say ice? Why did you say ice? I don't know why I said ice. Try to scare away any illegal immigrants, you asshole. Ice. I don't know why I said ice. I better say, I haven't.

Mitch. No more. Mitch, I, you got to get your mojo back. Yeah, baby. Hit it, Emma. You're doing great. As the most immobile dancing. Emma, hit it.

Big show time. There we are. Do it, do it. You got to do it. Wow, he's really going for it. Listeners, this is why you got to buy tickets to a live show. This shit is fucking sick. My heart is beating so fast.

I did so little. I did so little activity. My heart's beating so fast. And I was like the annoying guy in your high school at the fucking lunch room being like, I'm like Austin Powers. Except you're doing it in 2022. Oh, shit. Ice.

Ice. Ice. Ice. I need ice. Ice. What we don't know is that Mitch is overheating. And we need to lay him down on ice like an aged bulldog. Oh, shit.

Um, I think here's this point as well argued that this is. Fucking Mike Myers, big credit dude. You are in good shape, man. You fucking, that dances hard as hell. Yeah, true. Yo, all my Instagram followers, Austin Powers challenge every day. Do the Austin dance. See if you can do it.

You can get jacked up. A bizarre string of deaths among podcast listeners. Multiple cardiac arrest. Dude is getting chagadelic, baby. Not groovy, baby. Ice. Ice. You're like the men in black.

Ice. Ice. That's what Earl. Water and fiber. That's what we're saying. Fiber water. Fiber water. Give me fiber water.

Weigar, Weigar brought his fibers. I did. I've been offering them up. You can bring more if you want them. No, that's all. I got some at the house. I'm taking them. Have not gone in a while.

I mean, look, I don't, I don't want to seem like I'm scolding your disciplining you. I'm just like, like, like, like you could, we could make some dietary decisions that make everything easier beyond just eating the indulgent meals that we have to for the podcast, even on tour. So, correct. Does a Mitch shit in the Foxwoods?

The answer is no. Gamers' point is well argued that this should be great hangover food. This is, this is greasy pizza, greasy apps. This should be stuff that makes you feel better if you're... You don't know Bretuchies. It's not sure. It should be. Okay.

Here's my issue is that I don't think the tomato sauce is all that flavor. Fuck. He's right. And it's a very sauce heavy pizza, very sauce forward. You got to sweeten up the sauce a little. If you're going to put sauce on a pie, it's got a little sugar in it. If you make a pomodoro, put a little sugar in it for pizza. There may be boo.

I can't tell what they're doing. At one point, I took a megabyte where I had like a big piece of that artisan hand stretch pizza dough. I put whatever that leftover cold brick of muts was. Then I put a meatball on top of that, poured a little hit of sauce, stabbed my fork into it, and had like a fucking Ginzo shish kebab. I saw you do that. I was like, this man is a machine.

We were partying for the same amount of time last night. How is this happening? I stopped drinking at one point and switched to just mushrooms and weed. Shout out my hallucinogenics dealer. A person I met yesterday. Someone was like, do you want this? And he was like, oh, I've had too much weed. I was like, it's mushrooms.

And then he was like, all right, I guess I'll fucking eat it. I bullied you into taking the mushrooms. I've never bullied you ever. It felt good. I do like to be bossed around. Mitch, did you like the pizza, having it now? Yes. You liked it overall.

Was it just a bite of a memory or were you like, oh, this is good? Don't talk to me this way. It was good. I thought the cheese pizza was good. It was solid. Now tell the truth. Did you really like it? Or when you bite it, did your dad come walking out of the kitchen

like, feel the dreams? Was it a memory or was it? Quick, Wagner's choking. Oh god, what's he choking on? Jesus. Giving you the Heimlich maneuver as you're sucking your own dick? Yeah, we get it. We get it.

That's what happens. The girl soaks on a hot dog and the guy has to turn back and do an old man. It's feel the dreams. I liked the cheese pizza. It wasn't the best Bertucci's I had ever had. I don't think I've seen that movie. You never seen Feel the Dreams? Which?

It's one of the five Kevin Costner baseball movies. Which one was the one? Which one was the one where the lady was talking to the man through the mailbox? Oh wait, that's... You got real? Lakehouse. Oh, Lakehouse. Lakehouse.

Yeah. And that's Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, I think? Oh, I wasn't saying that that was a baseball movie. I was just thinking about that movie. No, that's it. That's the same. That's Feel the Dreams. Do you never see Feel the Dreams? I don't remember somebody talking on a hot dog.

I don't remember that either. It's not a big part of the movie. It's my favorite. I've perked up. What's going on with that hot dog? Two things you know very well, hot dogs and choking. You kidding me, dude? When I accidentally said ice people going nuts.

Oh, I meant literally like sleep apnea choking. Angels in the outfield. Angels in the outfield. Oh, Angels in the outfield. I have not seen Feel the Dreams. Wow. It's a big one. She chokes on a hot dog.

The little girl chokes on a hot dog. Well, I'll watch it tonight. The premise of Angels in the outfield is that the father promises to reunite with his estranged child in the... If the Angels make the playoffs. Hot dog in the mailbox. The hell?

What? I just heard hot dog in mailbox. The guy was just describing his dream out loud. Hot dog in a mailbox is the male strip club. Stop yelling. Save it for your wife when you get home, brother. No, that guy doesn't yell at anyone else. No, that guy doesn't yell at anyone else.

No, that guy doesn't yell at anyone else. Careful, you're going to turn your kids into comedians. Yeah, nobody wants that. The cheese was decent. I didn't try the big poppy. And I thought the roasted wild mushroom was... I mean, it's just... First off, they had two big end pieces

because it's like a long, like a pill-shaped form factor. Yeah, it's like a dough canoe. It's a dough canoe. I tried to swallow it like a pill as well. You took two with a glass of water. You said let me put a little hair on it to make it go down easier. I don't know where the hair came from.

It could have been anyone's hair. Your hair is long now, Naked. It could have been for you. It's true. It could have been mine. The... I thought that a good mushroom flavor. I liked how mushroomy it was. I know what your hair tastes like. It wasn't yours.

It had two inert end pieces that were just all crust. They had no cheese on them. You had one of those. Yeah, that's what I decorated with a little bit of everything that was left over from the appetizer platter and that hit. What did you guys think of the big poppy? I know you're not eating beef and pork,

but did you guys like the big poppy? I love a spicy pizza. I like the Italian peppers on there, the spicy peppers. Yes, I know that the pepperoni was a little overcooked was an issue. Yeah, and as a matter of fact, I think they just piled stuff so high that the oven that they cooked it in

crisped up too much of the pepperoni and it became like pepperoni jerky croutons across the top. Yes. Gabor's dropped on his plate and went like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It sounded like a quarter hitting the floor. So I knew that it was,

but the taste was still decent, I thought. No? No, no. I like the big poppy pizza. I broke off a lot of the burnt pieces of the pepperoni and then I thought that the slice hit even better at that point. And going back to the hotness, it had like a little bit of hot honey running through it, but then like actual peppers in some of the bites.

And that's like my favorite level of hotness where it's varies a little bit. It doesn't like burn your ring all the way through, you know? Sure. Jesus. No fire ria. I could have done with a spicier sauce and more peppers on it. Ooh.

I like it. I like it. I'm going to say this. Spicy. Sweet. Is it sweet cherry peppers? Is that what they're called? I think they're hot cherry peppers.

Hot cherry peppers. God, I'm an idiot. Um, you're fine. Uh, no, I'm not. You're doing great. I shouldn't have danced to awesome powers. The people loved it. You got novation.

You're doing great. Shouldn't have been the silly show. Silly show is a stupid idea. No, it's fine. You're doing great. You're kind of, this is your homecoming. You've been so nervous about it. You talk about this so much and it's going great.

You've been doing great. I think that those are booze. Um, Mitch's high school football coach is here with a clipboard. Yes, I, the sweet, uh, hot cherry peppers, I think, plus up any pizza. No? Yeah.

No, I like them. I like them. I think they're almost always value-added. Yeah. Yeah. Big fan. Yeah. Always welcome.

We all had coax too. And we got a big picture of Coke, which was fun. That was kind of fun. That was a blast. I haven't seen a picture of soda in, like, fucking 15 years. Yeah. That's the pizza parlor.

Right. That's part of the fun of it. I put my straw in the pitcher. I drink your pit chop. Have you guys all not been shitting or is it just Mitch? No, I've been doing okay. I've been doing okay. I think I'm made up for Mitch and then something.

I got that kidney pain and I don't know if there's something stuck up there or something. I don't know what's going on. I'll be fine. It's fine. Don't worry about it. I've gotten to the point where I'm wiping by just padding. Oh, Jesus.

Good God. It's like, I'm fucking in pain. I'm going to go sit in half and half after the show. You're doing phantom wipes? You're going to sit in half and half? We got to get to our fork scores. So, Mitch, again, I want you to set the baseline as we've been doing in these New England shows.

This is your beloved chain. The baseline. You'll start us off. You have the most experience with this chain. Tell us what you think about Bertucci's and it with a score from zero to five fours. We're back home. Look, Bertucci's did have a place in my heart.

But look, it's a failing. They almost went bankrupt, which is not that bad. Don't boys media will go bankrupt at some point. Sure. So, we can't really blame them for that. But I get what you, I get your guys' complaints. I 100% get what you're saying. I still think that it's good.

I know that it's changed. I still genuinely think it's good. But look, I'm not going to, I will be real this time. I'm not going to be a homer. I promise. Five forks. Wow. What the hell?

That I love you too. Wow. Don't shoot. All right, Carl, your thoughts, your fork score. Okay. So I believe that the true measure of a slice of pizza is how it tastes when it's cold. So that is why I did what I did.

Oh my God. It was all a plan. The long game. The long game. I'm not going to eat this now. Wait until it's cold. Think about it. Think about it.

You're the desk band. Whoa, Jesus. You're the best damn employee Go-Boys meeters ever have. I expect the promotion. I do believe that the pizza needed more sauce. There's not enough sauce on the pizza. Wow. There.

There's no iron in my hotel room. It's very tiny. Everything is boutique. So I put the pizza in front of the steamer. No wrinkles in the pizza. While I was not impressed by the macaroni and cheese, I did enjoy the cheese pizza when it was room temp. Didn't I mind it at all?

I wish the other pizza was spicier. I like a thinner crust. I like more sauce. I'm going to give this place... All right. Security. I'm going to give this place 3.75 forks. Wow.

Three forks three times. Wow. How bad. Very good score. Wow. Respectable score. John Gabriel. Oh, I love you too. Yes.

We're going to wrap up this show. People are fucked up. Tell that guy who told me to shut the fuck up that you love me. I think he was yelling at the guy who was yelling. I don't know. Who cares? Let's wrap this bitch up. Let's bring him up on stage and get to the bottom of it.

Bring his ass up. All right, Gabriel. All right, here's the deal. It would be a fucking Dave Chappelle situation if that motherfucker comes up here. Don't boys fans aren't getting up on the stage. I have four stairs. No railing?

Well, it'll be a pile up. Look, I said earlier on that Bertucci's is the kind of place that when you're a kid, you root to go there. You're like, I hope mom's taking us to Bertucci's tonight, not that bullshit ass, whatever that I hate that she wants to go to. But today, this morning, based on what I did to my body by traveling through this psychedelic plane and a gluten bomb of beer, drinking some a lot of Bud heavies,

a lot of Sam Lagers, I returned to my form of child and arriving at Bertucci's this morning. I didn't realize it yet, but I was 12 year old, Gabriel. I sat down at the chair as 12 year old. I had a coke. I don't drink soda. That's not something I do. I'm a grown up.

I can have water. But I had soda with my boys out of a pitcher. I felt like shit. I had this gooey ass slice. I didn't even care what it tasted like, because I felt like I was at a birthday party this morning. And it hit. So with all that, two and a half forks.

It's late. Everyone's drunk. More than enough has been said about the food. So I want to talk real quick about Robert Earl, who is the CEO. Mr. Earl, come on out. I mentioned Robert Earl. He also has a son who I get characterized as a failed son, Robbie Earl. Let me read a little bit of Robbie Earl's bio.

The second generation restaurant tour inherited a passion for the restaurant business from his father, and now oversees the new direction of restaurants capitalizing on the fast growing restaurant delivery trend. As head of talent partnerships, he's honed relationships with the biggest names in Hollywood, sports, music, YouTube, and digital celebrities, who become full collaborators in the development and marketing

of their virtual restaurant concepts. If you're upset with the Doughboys fork score, don't be upset at the Doughboys. Be upset at Rob Earl and his shitty son Robbie Earl. Symptomatic of the disaster capitalism in which we live, where fucking vultures can snatch up beloved local chains and turn them into outposts for their fucking craven cash grabs. Get fucked, Robert Earl.

Two and a half forks. Wow. I respect that. Nick and I hand-holding for both Boston's. That's true. How about that? Yeah. Wow. I was trying to be a little bit on your side.

I appreciate that. I didn't like that shit. It was a good move with everything that went on today. You're in good shape now. I will say, if we want to be in the good graces of this crowd, we all love D'Angelo. D'Angelo was hit. D'Angelo is great.

That was some stellar shit. I will never forget that Thanksgiving sandwich. Yeah. And I consider myself an elite sandwich consumer, and I enjoyed the shit out of D'Angelo. Why is this true? They're taking over? I mean, like we've said before, it sucks when you have to root for chains.

Yes, 100%. We're rooting for local chains like Bertucci's, which has been better in the past, so I hope that they get back there. If you trace back to Bertucci's origin story, this is like an immigrant who opens an Italian-American concept that becomes loved in this local area. It's like there's kind of a story there.

So I don't know. I mean, that said... Where did he immigrate from? Italy. What the fuck kind of question is this? Italy? Two forks. All right.

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Mitch, that was our review of Bertucci's. Wags, yes. That was the review of Bertucci's. I got some sad news. Oh, no. When I got home, one of not silly at all. One of my favorite local places, the ice cream parlor, a.k.a. Brigham's, is the last Brigham's is closing.

I'm tearing up. Oh, man. The last Brigham's is closing. I'm tearing up. Oh, man. It's really sad. And I'm very sad about it. I am tearing up.

I need to go home right after the show. And I made a little tribute to it, Wags. Wow. So Emma, dim those lights and play that video. It's not good, by the way. Just a heads up. How do I say goodbye to my favorite ice cream shop? The sweet cream that built me up and made me shit.

I thought you'd stay open forever. What if a cell signs in your window as of today? It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. It's too long. And I'll take Oh, my God. Bitch. And make the memories of Bradburyland Rickies and shakes.

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. Thank you, Bras. Wow. Wow. That was beautiful. You're crying. I cried at the own, my tribute I made. Fucking loser.

I of course didn't make that. That was Mike Dorfman who had Bertucci's with us. A great guy. Thank you, Mike. Thanks, Mike. Made it in the last few days and I did a great job of giving him high quality images. Yo, those images combined with me looking straight up at a screen from a foot away. I was like, I don't even know what I'm seeing.

Your Rorschach test. You guys, Mitch means business about Brigham's. He's been standing in a full Brigham's uniform at a salute outside the place since it's closed. We're 24 hours. My favorite part of that video is Carl turning me goes, is that you? I was a little toe-headed boy. A lot of, and trust me, that I did not need that big of a leaf. Wags, in so, in honor of Brigham's, tonight's snack or whack is one of the ones that started

all for me, Brigham's ice cream, peppermint stick ice cream. Wow, look at this. Emma's whispering something to Mitch. That's okay. Emma just said the freezer was not great. It's in bad shape. Okay, that's all right. We, Mitch, I was lucky enough to be able to visit Brigham's with you on a prior.

Thank you, Emma. Thank you, Emma. Big hand for Emma. Brink, everyone. On a prior visit, you took me to Brigham's. We had a great time, and Dieter, and I hope Dieter's okay. I hope Dieter's doing okay, but he was the owner operator. No idea, I hope so too, yeah.

And he gave us great service. We had some lovely ice cream. A good guy. Dieter, thanks Dieter. Thank you, and a great place in Quincy, a local place that's gone now. Sad. I'm very sad. What do you guys think of the ice cream?

Oh, no, I tell you what, I tell you what, I'm not going to tell you the truth right now. That's for sure. We love it. I can't, I can't watch, I can't see this shit again, man. We love it. Oh my god. I like miss my dad now and shit. I'm like a fucking out over here.

It's so good. I really like it. It's like brushing your teeth with milk. Peppermint stick ice cream maybe is a local, is it a local delicacy? Oh my god. Toothpaste milk. Merry dog. Minty fresh ice cream.

I don't dislike it. I like like a mint chip ice cream. This is maybe a little too minty for me. Yeah. The peppermint is very harsh and it's got chunks of peppermint in it. So it's just like. I maybe should have had you taste it, show the video, and then asked if snack or wag. No.

No, I think this worked. We should have just tried something else. I would never judge Brigham's on whether or not I like their peppermint stick ice cream, something that I would literally never order. 100 percent. I might even potentially ask a place to close if I saw they sold it. So that kid up there with the leaf on his dick, this was his favorite ice cream. Peppermint stick ice cream, that's what you would go get?

Yeah. Did you know about chocolate and shit? Here's the deal. I just realized this is no better. I was going to bring mint chocolate chip ice cream. Oh, that is a preference. I prefer that. There was none at Stop and Shop and there were no hoodsy cups,

which are originally going to be what we tasted, the hoodsy cups. I'm going to find them. Oh, sorry. I was in there during the Celtics games looking for fucking ice cream, fucking nightmare. It was like 28 days later, no one's around. Wait, if we're going to do this earlier, you just mentioned the Celtics game. Hold on.

Yeah, I'm wearing this NBA sweatshirt. It's getting a little hot up here. So. Boo! Boo! I got a Lakers jersey. Yeah, there we go. A Lakers Lebron jersey.

I should have done that earlier. Sorry. No, you shouldn't have. Kind of anticlimactic now. Anyway, I had a second beat of this. Boy, actually kind of chilly now. Let me put a hat on. You piece of shit.

It's upside down. And also, you wearing Cream City, no one's really sure what that means. You know what it means. Holy shit, I think this is the guy I bought mushrooms from last night. Anyways. In honor of your passion for Brigham's, I will give this a mild snack. I think this is a snack. And you had some good stuff at Brigham's when we went.

I had some great stuff. I love the Raspberry Lime Ricky. Delivered. It's great. Great fraps. Should I hand the pint to the freaks in the audience? No, it's too drippy. No, it's just, no, it's going to make a mess.

Let's not, no. No, no, no. It's like bad news. No, it's going to be a disaster. It's also not good, but on top of it, it's like liquidy and it'll be an absolute fucking disaster. We're going to all go home with sticky-ass little hands. I guess it wasn't that silly of a show, after all.

Everybody's breath will be fresh. Why, I give it a snack. I like the peppermint sandwich. Yeah, I'm going to go light whack. Just like, oh, sorry, I'm telling you what I'm doing when I get back to my hotel room. Like, I've never done it light. Come on.

I give this a whack, yeah. Wow. Sorry, I didn't like it, but I knew I wasn't like from the jump off, so it's not its fault. If you don't like peppermint in milk, it's a tough one. Listen to that sentence again. And then flashback to going to the grocery store to buy this. Like, oh, peppermint in milk.

I'm going to give it a good swack, because I care for you as my friend. I care for you, too. However, yeah, I don't ever want mint in my ice cream. I should come clean if I was in an Airbnb and that was the only thing in the freezer, and I kind of couldn't figure out how to order more dessert. I might fucking take a quart to the dome.

Let me tell you this. And then breathe out a fucking Christmas tree. When I slurned out some briggers peppermint stick, I feel like I'm floating on a Boston cloud. Ice. Ice cream, it turns out, y's. Cream city. Ice cream.

Cream city. Oh, my God. Wow. Jesus. It's probably going through some of the dough boys. Listen to this. Cream city is CC. Bertucci says 2Cs.

What am I missing? The number 23. My grandma used to make fudge. Grandma Donovan. Helen Donovan. Great lady. Around the corner? Is that where fudge is made traditionally?

Yeah, she made milk. She'd make milk twice and then one pitcher of lemonade. And then around the corner, she'd make the fudge. Just two gallons of milk. I'm so old. Why am I saying shit like that? We're tired. I have to, after this tour, I got to get my life together.

I got to look at my, let me ask some hard questions and give some difficult answers. We have to take questions from the audience, which is going to be disastrous. Let's do that now. Let's wrap it up. Wait, what I was going to say, with my grandma's fudge sauce on it, it would be even, it would be very good.

Okay, so. So you guys just tie in more dead people and emotional shit so that we're like, okay, fine, it's good. We're so sorry to your family. Unfortunately, she can't make any tonight. My grandma can't eat that either, unfortunately, because it fucking sucks. Just like a restaurant by your feedback,

comes up with a feedback. We're going to bring Emma out here again, and Emma is going to say, who's going to come up and ask some questions? All right, I got Amy S from Portland. Hate to inform you we were there one week ago. Don't know why you flew all the way here. Oh my God.

Jesus. Chris L and Hailey S. Chris out there at Old Pastel. Oh, here we go. Someone right in the front row. Wow, okay. If you can't walk a straight line up here, I will not hand you the microphone.

Wait, are you in the front row? Oh, you're right. Fuck you there. Yeah, let's go for it. Hell, yeah. Here, hope I don't spill my drink on you. Here you go. Hold more stuff, I say.

Hey, boys. Hi. I'm stone cold sober, so don't worry about me. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I just wanted to ask if there was a food you prefer in its healthier form. Like, I was in Duxbury today,

and I had grilled scallops, and I think I prefer them over fried scallops. What a great question. Oh, I like this question. Yeah, yeah. In that world, I don't know if people are going to... Be on board with this, but I don't... I like shrimp just boiled over fried shrimp.

That's fair. Yeah. Shrimp cocktail over fried shrimp. Sure. Ooh, ooh, yeah. Sorry. It's fucking good. I like raw potatoes better than french fries.

I agree with you, Mitch. No, you know what? Hell yeah. I don't hate cauliflower pizza. Yeah. I'm with you. I don't think it's better than regular pizza at all, but cauliflower pizza, I'm like,

oh, I'm really a toppings and cheese-based guy. I've gone back and forth on whether I like 2% cottage cheese more than 4% cottage cheese. Jesus. Back and forth, you should see the Google Doc. It's 2,000 words of all mathematical equations and shit. 2%, 4%, child dough. That caused a walkout.

That just caused a walkout. Someone's furious. That just caused a walkout. Yeah. I... I'll go ahead. Yeah, Carl, anything you'd prefer? I prefer a regular green juice over a icy ecto-cooler.

That's so LA, bro. Would you like an icy green juice or the ecto-cooler form? Offering both. I like your steak. I don't like... I'd rather have a regular steak than a country fried. I'm 100% with you. Great answer.

Great question. Even though I like country fried steak as a kid, but that's a great answer. Sorry about the show. Thank you, great question. Yeah, sorry. Sorry you had to watch this sober. She should have joined everyone else.

I mean, come on. Emma, who's got her next question? I got Hailey S here. Hi, Hailey. Hi, Hailey. Hi. She's crying. No, I'm not crying.

I'm just very nervous, and also I've already been cut off by the venue, so... Wow. Well, don't get cut off by us and get your question out. Also, you should give the Kellys on Route 1 a try, because that place rocks. It's better, yeah. It's really...

I had never been to the Revere Kellys. Do they have salt? No, but they ask if you want it. It's right by a highway, so, you know, the salt trucks can get in there. And then you can go to Savers. You can make a whole day out of it. So my question is,

if you could only have one dipping sauce for the rest of your life, what would it be? Fuck. Shit. This is a great question. Cut the lights. This show's over. This is a great question.

My mind goes to what are my most used sauces, and I feel like it's either barbecue or ranch. I think I am going to say ranch. I think it's slightly more versatile. Nope. Wait, wait, wait. Are we talking hot? Does hot sauce...

Uh-oh. If we're not... If we're... If you're saying I have to include hot sauce in this umbrella, is that what you're thinking? Like, this is... Hot sauce is included? If it's a dip, then yeah.

Okay, so then I have to go with hot sauce, and I might do either a Tapatio or a Crystal, but I would do a hot sauce. Yes. Shit. Now with the hot sauce thing, even though I don't usually dip hot sauce, I shake hot sauce,

but I don't want to fucking rock the boat at all. I... Spilled. He spilled. I'm torn between sour cream, which I find to be a very versatile cream. Oh, that's a great answer. Yeah, because I also enjoy a lot of Tex-Mex.

I love pierogis. But I also... I would go with either Crystal or Cholula. Maybe... Oh, Cholula's a good answer. That's really good. I should say Cholula instead of Tapatio. But Crystal fucking slaps.

That's like one of my... I think it's the most versatile. Yeah, it's a great sauce. Yeah. Yeah, I guess if hot sauce is an option, I got to go with Crystal hot sauce or Texas peter, something like that. But if I'm dipping...

I don't never dip hot sauce. So I don't feel like that don't count. So I'm going to say ranch because it feels the... It can still give you what sour cream gives you, sure in a way. Not exactly, but close enough. Yes. Yeah, I'm going to say ranch.

I'm going to say ranch. Close enough. All right, Mitch, don't blow this. Don't blow this, Mitch. Peppermint stick ice cream. Ice. Come. Emma.

She said my family was only at the first young and I'm going to let it rip in this second. What's in that drink? Whiskey. Emma's tossed, baby. Carl, I'm with you with ranch. Wow. Good answer.

Ranch brothers. Good answer. The ranch brothers, it's like the new Mark McGuire. All right, one more question. Thank you, Hailey. Thank you, Hailey. All right, Chris. Thank you to the venue for cutting her off.

Chick-fil-A sauce is pretty good too. Oh, Chick-fil-A sauce is good. Did Chris not come down? Chris, did you pass out? He's on the balcony. Oh, Chris, do you want me to just read your question for you? Yeah, let's do that. You didn't come down during the first two?

It's cool. I've climbed those stairs like 700 times tonight and I'm fucking tired. Don't make excuses for him. Sorry. Well, if you're going to read the question, get to it. If you were to be reincarnated as a food mascot, which mascot would you be?

Wow. Wait, wait, we had to turn into... Wait, do we turn into the food mascot? You're being reincarnated as the food mascot. Wow. One of the Calls Jr. models. I know my answer. It's easy for me.

I wouldn't have to change my wardrobe. Grimace. I don't even know if my mom would notice. Your dick might get bigger. You turn into Grimace and you hear your mom on the phone? He's smiling more than ever. He's a little less purple now. I'm tempted to say the Jollibee because I think he is jolly

and I like that he's a bee. Watch out for that hot honey. Yeah. You got to watch out for the hot honey. But in my heart says also McDonald's and I think I want to be the sexy Hamburglar. Oh, yeah. Would one of the kids from the Burger King Kids Club count?

I was going to say I want to be the black kid from the Burger King Kids Club. His name is... Is it Jaws? I don't know what's Jaws. His name is Jaws. When I was a kid, I wanted to be him as a child. I wanted to be Kid Viz, the one with the...

Oh, Kid Viz is awesome. So that's who I'm going to pick for my... Yeah. We would be... Of course we would be in the club together. You guys aren't kids. We got more free Burger King? Nick.

What the fuck are you doing? Or Dave Thomas. Nick. Tell the truth. Jared. That's our show. Carl Tartt. John Gavress.

Emma Namilia. Thanks to everyone here at the Wilbur. Until next time, for this movement, I'm Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weigler. Happy eating. Thank you. See ya.

Hey, baby, I hear the blues are called in. The Doughboys are coming to Seattle. See us live at the Neptune Theater, Saturday, June 11th. Tickets still available for our late show, 9.45 p.m. with guest Mookie Blakelock. Wow. Get tickets and info at headgum.com slash live. Want to see the sources for this week's intro?

Check the episode description.