Doughboys - Burger King 2 with Jordan Morris (LIVE)

Episode Date: June 22, 2017

Mitch and Wiger revisit the Pepsi of fast food burger joints, Burger King, with returning guest Jordan Morris (@midnight, Jordan, Jesse, Go!). Mitch, Jordan, and an audience volunteer compete in another edition of the Wiger Challenge. Recorded live at MaxFunCon in Lake Arrowhead, CA.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Doughboys. Money is this man's God, and to get enough of it he would sacrifice his country. These words were written by a minor revolutionary war officer named John Brown, and a handbill distributed in 1776. The man Brown publicly accused of treasonous desires, a captain in the Connecticut militia named Benedict Arnold. Much like the famed presidential daily briefing of August 2001 that read Bin Laden determined to strike U.S.

Delivered while then President Bush was on one of many vacations, Brown's warning went ignored by the powerful, and Arnold conspired in secret with the British until 1780. That year, after receiving command of West Point, Arnold offered to surrender the military installation of British General George Clinton in exchange for 20,000 pounds. He would face court martial for his treachery, but evade capture by formally defecting to command British forces.

But prior to becoming the most recognizable symbol of treason in American culture, at least until the Confederacy came along, Arnold had established his life as a pharmacist and bookseller in New Haven, Connecticut. New Haven, founded in the 1600s as a fundamentalist theocracy by a splinter group of Puritans who felt the pilgrims weren't puritanical enough, is also the home to Yale University, the Garfunkel of the Ivy League, and Lewis's Lunch, the first known restaurant to sell a dish known as the Hamburger Steak Sandwich in 1900. During the 20th century, the evolution of Lewis's Lunch's signature item

would become the definitive American food. Through a country that originated, though a country that originated as a British colony, America's largest ethnic population is German, which is reflected in the nomenclature of the Hamburger from Hamburg, and the Frankfurter from Frankfurt. In October of 1780, Arnold wrote to General George Washington attempting to justify his actions. Love to my country actuates my present conduct, however it may appear inconsistent to the world,

who very seldom judge right of any man's actions. Yet he would leave that country and live out his life in exile in England, never setting foot in the new nation of the United States of America. In the Democratic Constitutional Federal Republic that is the U.S., a country founded in rebellion to royalty where no one holds a title, the closest we have to a monarch, is the titular mascot of a Florida quick service chain founded in 1957, which serves the sandwich that originated in Benedict Arnold's pre-war hometown.

This week on Doe Boys, we return to Burger King. Welcome to Doe Boys Live! How are you doing, Max Funkon? I'm Nick Weiger. Boy, what a day me and Mitch had. We'll get into that in one second. Boy, but let me, at first, let me introduce him. My co-host, the Boston Cream Strangler. The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell!

Hey, everybody, how's everyone doing? Thanks for coming out. Mitch, I like how your instinct is to take the furthest chair away from me. That's what I wanted. I don't want to be too close. Hey, howdy-how to Spoon Nation! That's embarrassing in a room full of people. Right? Very embarrassing.

You know what? I'm going to play a drop. I'm going to waste everyone's time with a 45-second drop from my phone into this microphone. You ready, Nick? Mitch, I just read a three-minute monologue. Don't worry about wasting anyone's time. This might be worse. It sounds great.

It's barely audible. You know what? Fuck the drop for today. And you know what? We'll just say who his name is. We'll play it at some point. We'll tag it on at the end of the episode. Bobby Lane. I sent this drop in August, so this is very old,

and I'm afraid it got buried. So I wanted to make sure you got it. It's from a year ago. Cheers, Bobby Lane at staggered noise on Twitter. A lot of fun. So guess what? Sorry, Bobby. I didn't play it. That sucks.

Real quick, let me shout out the guy who gave me that Spoon Man rose at Bryce Lowe's Pizza. Mitch, I said we had a day, but we came up separately. We had days. We had quite a day. Yes. I went I went south from Los Angeles. Then I came up north.

I was all over the place today. It was crazy, and then you said we both had the same feeling when we were driving up here like we were going insane. Light headedness. Light headedness on those mountain roads. I was looking out. I don't know if this happened to anyone else, but when you looked out over the road,

I had like a weird. I like it. I had a weird reaction. I started laughing today. I haven't anyone. I was like laughing like Daffy duck. Like I was like like laughing as I looked down. Like I don't.

I turned my mic off. I like as I looked down. I was like laughing at what I guess could be my death or something right. Like it just it just had like a guttural reaction of a laughter. You were overwhelmed with joy at the prospect. Seeing how easy it would be so easy. I'm tired. I could easily just flipped over gone down the hill would be great.

I was sad. A sad show for you. Well, you know the thing is I wouldn't have known you would die. So I'd be mad at you the whole time and it probably be like fucking mitches in here. And then I'd make a big deal out of it and we and then but you wouldn't. I wouldn't know you'd be dead and then they feel bad about it later. And then you'd most likely have to identify my corpse right up here in like arrowhead. Yeah.

And you're the closest thing sadly to family that I have. I get it back home to your cats. We you know the thing I would know that I didn't realize what this town was. I never been up here. Is anyone anyone else's first time up in this community first timers? Lovely lovely like arrowhead. I was surprised when I made the final turn to head towards where we are now, which is kind of this lovely lodge like compound.

Did you see Jason? Yeah, I saw Jason, but like I wasn't. He knew that I there was no chance of me having sex anytime soon. He went after he went after some horny teens and Jason stays away from the dough boys. You know there's no sex going on. No, I like I turned. You probably saw it too depending on what which route you took a McDonald's and a movie theater.

I was like what kind of fucking quaint mountain town is this that has a McDonald's and a multiplex showing captain underpants. I just was so different from what I expected this like community to be. You know you didn't think that they'd have a movie theater. No, I I figure like these are mountain folk things are a little so you think that you would drive into like the eighteen hundreds. What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I'm not expecting to see like a cobbler in a town crier,

but I was like expecting something that's a little bit more, you know, removed from from the society that we know and then just to see a chain restaurant and then like something that's the movie theater playing the mummy. It was just disorienting. Modern folk need captain underpants and they need big max everybody needs that sort of thing. Sure. Life moves a little slower up here, but we still want to see the mummy in 3D opening weekend. Give me one of those for the x cheers shake me all around.

Mention of dick it around. It's good to make fun of the town and the people that live here as soon as you get here. The residents aren't here. No, no local is a resident of the Lake Arrowhead. No one zero. Absolutely zero. These are all tourists. It's fine. I got a question. Yeah arrow. Is this where the Arrowhead water is from? Yeah, it is right. How about that? We got some product placement up. Yeah, it's right here in front of us, huh? So they just dunk these in the lake and they ship them off basically. That's my understanding is they have a bottle bottling plant and

then it just consists of a few mountain folk dipping these down in the lake, screwing the caps on tight. Nick you gave a very how do I describe it? Our guests will confirm this, but you gave a very like Arnold Schwarzenegger in T two thumbs up on your way out right. It was weird. I never seen anything like that like a like you were going off to like your death or man. That would be something no. No, I didn't. I didn't honestly. I was just like let's live. This is great. This will be fun. We'll do this. I was trying to get a little like hey guys. Yeah, I was surprised that you showed like excited

like I was confused by it that you showed any sort of excitement. I feel like I heard your like Thumb Creek as a one of a spider ran out from under right. Bitch, you know, let's let's let's introduce our guest. Mm-hmm. Enough of the two of us going back and forth. Yeah, let's get off stage. Let's let him do the heavy list of lifting from here on out. Redford at midnight in the coast of the great podcast. Jordan Jesse go. You know him well here. Jordan Morris. Well, we're slamming the residents. I just like to say that the movie theater is not playing the mummy. It's just playing a video of a train coming

at the screen and they all got scared and ran out right. Yeah, and then that's cute tobacco and fuck their cousins. That movie's been in that theater for like 80 years. Yeah, they're hoping to get tripped to the moon soon. That'll really fuck their shit up. They have kind of like a like a midnight Saturday midnight thing that's like rocky horror where they show a film strip proving that when a horse runs all four of its legs are off the ground. They all dress up as the horse. Yeah. Hey, I know that the roast Spoon Man feature is a is a beloved feature, but I don't know. No, no. Everyone loves it and it doesn't

make anyone feel bad. I actually there's a couple other Gmail set up for roast. I don't think you guys check recently. There's a roast Jo Mo Gmail set up if you want to roast me. This is from someone. Oh boy. Okay. All right. Okay. I'll read this as if you were coming out. I'm Nick Weigar alongside today's guest. Alcoholic Cabbage Patch Kid Jordan Morris. Very good and Mitch. You also know that there's a roast burger boy email. Really? It's that we call it toast in his buns and this is this one actually came through today. Oh, great. Hey, I'm Mike Mitchell alongside Count Chocula before he got bitten. Nick Weigar has been a very

negative show so far. What exactly is being implied there? Is it a physical resemblance? What is he saying? It's a vibe. Your vibe is human Count Chocula. That's my aura. Yeah, but I don't have the curse of I need chocolate to sustain myself. No, this is me in mortal form. Yeah. All right. Fine. Whatever. You know what? That's maybe the best compliment of my life. So thank you. He's a beloved serial monster. He absolutely is. Hey, speaking of serious, how do you feel about Count Chocula? Are you a fan? You know, we never, we didn't do a lot of sweet serials growing up. We did a lot of, we did a lot of plain Cheerios. Okay. And I mean, in

general, I'm scared of monsters. Right. Those two things working in tandem. Yeah, I've not had a lot of Count Chocula. I have not had a lot of blueberry. Right. Blueberry, Frankenberry, blueberry. Excuse me. What did I call it? You called it blueberry, which is just a fruit, which is I haven't had a lot of those either. Well, fruit, brute. I love though. Give me some. If anybody has any fruit, brute, what's the mummies? Yummy mummy. Yeah, just ambiguously mummy flavored. Wait, was this in the Count Chocula line? Was there was yummy? Yeah, Mitch. It's called the dark universe.

They're all going to coalesce right there will be a mash. Sure to be a graveyard smash. I tell you, that's an, that's an Avengers film. I'm ready to see. Yeah, when all those cereal mascots finally team up and I guess take on Toucan Sam or something. Toucan Sam is the bad guy. I guess so. Yeah. Well, who else would it be? I guess well, I mean, I guess, you know, if we're using Thanos as the analog, right, collecting the gems for the infinity gauntlet. I guess maybe you can use lucky

from the Lucky Charms collecting all the charm to put into the infinity rainbow. Oh shit. Yeah, that's fucking awesome. God, that would be rad. No one write that movie. After this, we're going to go to my cabin and we're going to write that movie right. No one else write it. I do have to say that there is an evil leprechaun movie called leprechaun. I don't know if it's is that too similar to the to the Lucky Charms. No, that's right. Listen, as long as he never goes to the hood or space right will be fine. Get them out of the hood in space. The chances of a villainous leprechaun

franchise, including two entries, one in which he goes to the hood and one which he goes to the space. That's so remote. There's no chance that ever happened. Did you ever see any of those leprechaun movies? Some leprechaun. Yeah, they're kind of heads. They're kind of fun. What's your favorite entry in the series? I've only seen the first one. I said they're kind of fun like I'd seen more than one. I don't only saw one. I guess I was trying to impress people, but the first one's pretty good. Hey, Nick, we think you're cool, even though you've only seen one rep leprechaun movie. God bless you. God bless you. I've seen all

the direct to DVD starship troopers movies. They get worse. I've seen. I've seen a few of them. Yeah, it feels like it feels like they hit their peak in the first one when he like uses a Pogo stick to kill a guy. I don't feel like it gets any better after that right in like thinking like the second or third one. He uses like he becomes like he uses a little wish master stuff like we're like careful what you wish for. He liked that he kills people like a lady wishes to be like beautiful and then like her lips explode

or so right. Ironic wishful. Yeah. Yeah. Ironic wish fulfillment. The death I remember from a horror movie. What I watched as a kid was I think it was slumber party mass one something in a slumber party massacre franchise, which was kind of the sleepway camp rip off and it was the it was the hydrox version of the sleepway camp and so sleepway campus Oreo. Right. Okay. And so just want to make sure this analogy is clear. Yes. Yeah. And so slumber party, basaker. There's a scene where like we don't realize who the killer is. It's one of those things where the good

looking guy, spoiler alert, the good looking like sort of like all American guy ends up being the guy who's actually carrying out the slumber party massacre. I know nobody in here is that much of a dick, but it would have been a great move after he reveals the end of slumber party massacre. Someone should have stormed out. That would have been so fucking baller and we all would have loved it. Anyway, sorry. And don't come back. It's actually a pretty good excuse. And then you hang yourself in the woods. That's bit commitment would have been a great bit. Right.

But there's a so that guy is like alone with the other with the other good guy though who you think they're both good guys. He's alone with the other guy who is a good guy and the guy is like talking about like yeah, I wish I could run track this year, but I injured my Achilles tendon and the guy is like really interesting and then he like takes a circular saw and like saws the guys feed off and then he says like never reveal your weakness as if that wouldn't hurt anyway. Oh, I know where you're vulnerable, buddy. The circular saw would be impotent

against most men, but you you haven't you have a sports injury. I didn't like how into it you got when you're talking to say he sawed his feed off. You're like we're going through gristle and bone as you're doing it. I can envision it. I am actually googling a favorite horror movie line. I'm not being rude. That's fine. I want to just want to get it right when my time to speak comes. Sorry Mitch you were saying my for me. It was has anyone seen day of the day. Everyone seen day of the dead right and they ripped a guy's head off basically. Oh yeah in his vocal cord stretch right and I saw that in

college for the first time and I called my friend because I was scared. I was like I just watched day of the dead like it was pretty freaky. He's like are you calling me because you're scared. I was like yes. I was terrified. It was it's terrifying. It's it's like it's it's it's very hard to see for the first time. Yeah, that's that's such a and also though that was a scene. I remember and what was so cool about it was that he as his vocal cord stretch he like you see his mouth is still moving, but you're not hearing a sound. Yeah, I think that was where I mentally connected. It goes. It goes. It goes like it gets

higher. It's like right. Yeah, it's it's awful. It's awful. It's really. Yeah, seriously. Yeah, boy. Yeah, so the thing I am looking for is from the third sleep away camp movie. Okay, I have seen all this is from sleep away camp three Teenage Wasteland. Is that really what it's called? Yeah, it is and it is stars Bruce Springsteen sister. Whoa Lady Boss and I believe and just to give you a sense of the political context that this movie was coming at in the world of this film. I just came out and boy I was trying to see the year and just something with Groot came up

something with Groot. Yes, like an ad like a pop an ad with Groot. Yes, and you want to say okay. I just want to quickly say baby Groot sucks so much Wow. Whoa, shots fired. It's it's someone storm out. Someone please please storm out. Yeah, there we go. God bless you. That was that was Vin Diesel. Also, we said someone's wrong. Multiple people stormed. Yeah, baby Groot's fucking like it makes me feel like I feel dumb watching it when when like baby Groot is dancing around and then he's on the windshield. Oh, they all came back.

All right good and he's on the one. Oh, okay. Oh, we got a new person a baby Groot hater perchance. Nope. She likes her to yeah. No, I you didn't feel that way. Groot is the baby Groot is dumb right. I don't care that much. I really don't. I think he and I think he's I think he's cute. God damn it. Yeah, he's cute. Sorry everybody. He's cute. You can think Groot sucks. It sucks. There you go. Stick to your guns. Yeah, someone out there. There's one person. We got one. Do we have like we have

a smattering of Groot haters? Who's on team hash cat hashtag Groot isn't cute. Little applause from Groot isn't cute. Wow. Okay, you can like Vin Diesel and still hate Groot. You like every Vin Diesel role. I do not believe this man. What's your favorite scene from the last witch hunter? I don't want to hear it night. If I was joking, I don't want to hear it. This guy raised his hand to talk about it and that is the last thing in the world I want to hear. He has he has the script pages very well prepared. So the line I was looking for is from sleepaway camp three teenage wasteland. They the the

Bruce Springsteen sister spoiler alert. Who's the killer? Oh boy. Oh wow. There you go. Yeah, there's the bit. So she's she's making out with a dude in a tent. Hell yeah. Yeah, that's right. Any of you nasty assholes ever fucking attend? I figured and he stops the action and she looks at him and says, What's the matter? You got AIDS? But it was political at the time. Right. Right. We were all thinking it. We were all afraid and our anxieties were coming out in that moment via Bruce Springsteen sister watches. What's his answer? I think he gets stabbed immediately afterwards. I had a similar. There's a similar tense. Well,

not similar in terms of they don't reference AIDS, but there's a there's a tense sex scene in a horror movie. Jason goes to hell. And like there's this part. I remember because I had the I rented the unrated version or let my dad rented the unrated version for me to watch. Sounds like a pretty cool day. That was pretty cool. Yeah. This is when I was like 15. So I was like almost old enough to see in our son deserves a couple extra tits. So so movie has some tits. Oh yeah, the unrated version. So I like the this. It has a set tense sex scene where the woman is is on top of the gentleman and having and she's not wearing any clothes

upstairs. I'm unfamiliar with this position. Can't it be done that way? No, I'm not wearing any clothes upstairs. God dammit. I remain confident that that's how the Bavarian Count before he turned into Count Chocula would describe this moment. So I'm staying true to my essence and and so like but like she's like having sex with this guy and you can see her boobs. It's like the best poop shot in the movie. And I remember like watching this and then trying to stop it and rewind it because like at the very end like when she's just she's like as the very end of the scene, Jason like

sticks fucking garden shears through her chest from the back and then it just suddenly suddenly turns from like the hottest part of the movie to like the grossest part of the movie. So I remember trying to like like frame like almost frame by frame it but get to the exact moment where it was going to where he's going to kill her and then rewinding it so I could rewatch just the boobs part. At this point you are walking a very thin masturbation tight rope right. Yeah just enough to wow the crowd but not enough to fall to your doom. Yeah, this is an entirely different kind of edging right. Sure. Yeah, yeah question was your dad

also in the room. Let me see the sheers part boy just just standing at the standing in the hallway sitting on stage like proud of your son. No, and why they didn't do fucking autofocus with my dad. What are you talking about? No will them to foe great caneer moment and autofocus with my father, the old father son autofocus. Classic move people have maybe not seen it or are grossed out. Anyway, who's seen autofocus? Oh boy, a smattering wait. Okay, so it seems like about the same number of people have seen autofocus as who don't like Groot.

Is there anyone who's seen autofocus and doesn't like Groot? Wow. Hell yeah, that's a good movie. You guys, I don't know. I don't know who clapped or what your preferences are but you two should get married. That diagrams really something up. Hey, hey, but I was gonna say Jason goes to hell that he meets Freddie in that one. He does. I mean he doesn't meet him, but Freddie pulls him to hell also spoiler alert fucking spoiler in the title. Yes, no shit. Yeah, that's it's fucking like that's the end of the movie. You wanted to be called Jason goes somewhere. Yeah, where does he go or a

guy like the final Friday or something like that? Yeah, sure. Yeah, but then you know. I mean you know Jason's gonna die at the end of it. You get excited. He's going down to hell. That's fun. He goes out, but the Freddie cameo is pretty awesome when Freddy's glove reaches up and grabs the mask. Yeah, Jason is like snakes in that one. Isn't he? Isn't he like snakes that goes from body? He lady here is nodding along with me. Thank God his heart is like a is like turns into a snake or jumps into people and it's like it's like a T two derived kind of thing where he takes over other people's bodies and you're not sure

who is Jason or not. That's right. Yeah, it's not super. It's not great. It's about. Yeah, besides the Friday came here, which is good right Chucky in there to get fucking. Where's Chucky? Yeah, where is Chucky been Chucky? Get lucky. The Lucky Charms leprechaun. Well, they got the pushing. Everyone's pushing lucky lucky. Lucky is my lucky. I hated Lucky Charms growing up. There was my oh fuck. It was my least favorite. It was the month. I don't. Is that bad? Who here? Who here hates Lucky Charms, but likes rocket raccoon?

A ton of people hate Lucky Charms, but like rocket marshmallow cereals were never good to me. Does it make sense that like they were like always the marshmallows are just never tasted good. Yes, all right. Yeah, they have a film on them right like the like they they you they accidentally are still wrapped in their plastic. Yeah, they're not. They're not you. I want like fluffy marshmallows sure. Yeah, yeah, but you're not getting fluff in a in a cereal box. You're not going to get fluff in a cereal box. If I've learned from the show, sure fluff in a box. My friend David called the parts that weren't

marshmallows in growing up. My friend David called the things that weren't marshmallows in Lucky Charms of the wood. That's pretty funny. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, but if you ever have, but the thing is you need the wood because if you just have just the marshmallows, it's overwhelming. Have you ever had to that's a very that's a very adult point of you, Nick. That's something I think you learn later in life that the marshmallows are sweeter because you got to eat a little bit of wood. Yeah, exactly. Life's marshmallows are sweeter when you eat a little bit of wood.

I think that'll go on my tombstone. Let's get a let's talk about Burger King a little bit. I broke before we do. I usually make some notes to talk about things with our guest and I like kind of forgot to do it and the one bullet point I have Jordan. The only thing I don't know is Forest Treats question mark, which I guess I was thinking. Oh, we'll be in the forest. We'll talk about what Snacks Forest Treats. Yeah, Forest Treats. Well, Nick, I love eating pussy in a field, which is what I call right. But no, I mean, I tried not to eat anything I find in nature. I'm not. I

mean, I wasn't a Boy Scout like you. I was. Yeah, so I would be afraid that anything I would put in my mouth would be poisonous. Yeah, I don't think I ever ate anything found as a Boy Scout. We usually just bring our own snacks or just be things like trail mix and powdered milk. Is that a do you feel like they skipped over a necessary part of scouting by not teaching you what to eat in the woods? No, because I don't know. Maybe they did. Yeah, that's true. Well, I mean, like I forgot a lot of what they they taught me and at the time I was a Boy Scout. I wasn't even paying very much attention.

So like I don't I didn't retain very much. I bet they taught it. Did you maybe block those ears out for some reason? Bet. Mitch, what what have you eaten recently that you found? You know, I ate Burger King last night and then I drove up to Lake Arrowhead with Burger King sitting in my stomach. Sure, I feel like I like was like I feel like my car smells like a burger. You can drive in the carpool lane, though, if that's true. Burger King does count as a passenger, a dark passenger.

I forest treats s'mores, you know, yeah, that's a good one s'mores answer. Yeah, what else juice bug juice bug juice camp. That's like just a fruit punch, right? Is there something more to it? No punch, suicide, baked beans are for our forests, right with forest treat. What is it? What were we called forest treat for street? I guess we're just talking about things you eat while you're camping. You know what to me is a forest treat seeing a mother deer and her dough.

That's a real beautiful and killing them and eating. Yeah, I don't know box of chocolates if you count. If we include forest, go right. Yeah, yeah, and of course strip sandwich, shrimp salad, shrimp scampi. Those are far streets, right barbecue shrimp. Someone did storm out at that oddly enough. Those aren't Bubba's dishes. Okay. Oh yeah, you know hot dog on a stick. I think I feel like that was like I was very young when I did this, but like you put a hot dog on a stick hot dog on a stick. Yeah, not the chain hot dog on

a stick, but an actual hot dog in an actual stick. Yeah, you put and you put it in the fire. You cook it up. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's tricky with fire. Who does anyone here like? Listen, the fire is tricky. My understanding is that when you see a fire, you have to phone a friend and tell them how scared you are. I thought you were going to make a Frankenstein joke, so I'm happy with the way you went. Fire is definitely the trickiest of the elements, I'll say, but as far as cooking stuff here than earth,

I'd say fire fires trickiest. I'd say earth is probably somewhere in the middle. Yeah, well, because you're talking about like earth, if you include earthquakes as something earth can do. Yes, that's true. How would you write the elements trickiest to least tricky? Oh boy, you're you're Mitch. I think you're overlooking a big one trickiest of all air. I like wind right gale force winds winds, but really are you more afraid of a tornado than a big fire? Well, I mean, I mean fires are more of a threat out here and it is a chance I can toss around and have fun in a tornado.

You think it would be fun to be tossed around in a tornado. Your name. So your only point of reference for how a tornado works is is the tall tail Pecos bill. Wizard of Oz, I've seen a couple of things. Tasmanian Devil, I guess that's a sonic spin dash. So you think a tornado is? Well, I mean, I think if we're talking if we consider the elements to be what they were in Captain Planet, yes, I think the heartiest element is heart. Wow, profound because what's

better than the human heart? That's true. Oh, wow, everyone agrees. We're all sad. Get any kind of walking. It got a couple of right. So we're saying that the least tricky one is earth, wind, water, fire, wait earth, when you think fire is the trickiest fire is the most fun. When is the most right is water least tricky or is earth earth is least tricky right water because look at water can have typhoons, which are like that's true tornadoes in the water, which also seem fun typhoons. A title, a tsunami, which you assume you could hop on board with a surf board

right to the coast safely. You know what I'll say. I shouldn't say this, but soon. No, no, see this is bad to say. Tsunamis are awful, but I'm also sad that they're not like what I picture. There's no great wave. You know what I mean? Like they're sure they're just flooding. It's more just a wall of water coming into shore water coming like like if a big wave came, right wouldn't be fun, but it would be like at least you know what's coming. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not what you would let the were led to believe from the TNC surf company shirts. Yeah, yes, that there was like a giant wave that you be on top

of. Yes, I'm disappointing the volcanoes don't shoot like fire rocks into the air that then come down right hundred percent. Who put these lies out into the world of the TNC surf company with their shirts featuring an island man who in hindsight was probably offensive. Hey, a surfing ape who everyone can enjoy. Oh, God, Thrilla Gorilla. I love Thrilla Gorilla. You know what? I think is the biggest bunch of bullshit. Hmm. When there's an earthquake, no cracks open up. I agree. Fall into Earth, the movies. You think that's the biggest danger of an earthquake is that a crack is going to open up

beneath your feet. You're going to be split from your spouse. One of you is going to be gripping the edge and that'll be the last you oversee them. You're praying for this to happen with you and Natalie. No for the earth to open up between you. I'm going. Oh, well, goodbye, dear and I love my no Mitch. Let's hope Mitch isn't on the other side. Then you know where that happened fucking force awakens. It happens at the most opportune time the earth. All right. There we go. All right. There we go. All right. A guy got up and left pretty committed. Love it. Love it. Who was that guy? Was that the Vin Diesel guy?

Was that a different guy? Same guy? It was a Vin Diesel guy. Is that I wasn't at his seat. Kylo Ren himself. All right. We got it. We should talk. We should talk about Burger King a little bit. That's the reason we're here ostensibly. So it's real quick. Real please. Please do. Do you prefer big group to baby group? Yes. Okay. Go ahead. Sorry Nick. Is there going to be a third group in the next movie? Like is there going to be a team group? Is that what really was planned to teen group in the post credits? He's going to leave little like mossy cum piles all over the place.

Oh, shut the fuck up. You must come. You can't say that. The funniest thing anyone said so far. He's going to live a little mossy compiles. Compiles and Star Lord will step in one and be annoyed. I don't know. Did people like the second guardians? Did anyone like the second guardians, but didn't like baby Groot? There were a couple of people. Did anyone like baby Groot, but didn't really like second guardians? They're a couple of that too. That maybe that's the one redemptive thing of the

movie for some people from Jordan's question. Did I who who enjoyed adult Groot over baby Groot? Quite a few people. It's a signature segment rank the Groot. I bet you could do like if I was still at funny or die, probably my hacky pitch at some point would be like, oh, it's fucking. I don't know. Let's make middle age Groot. We'll make that fucking video and they'll that'll get a hundred thousand views of asshole Sharon. Hey, it's funny. Groot middle age. That's

a different thing than what he is. Yeah. Yeah, it's good that you're still worse business. Right. Yeah. No, it's good that I'm it's good that I'm still doing this. Let's talk Burger King. Oh, you by the way, Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy partnered with Dairy Queen, which I was like, this is a big franchise. Dairy Queen is the best they could do. How did Dairy Queen nab that franchise? Oh, I want to separate snow from the other elements. Wait, hold on. I want to trace this Mitch. Nick said Dairy Queen and you started thinking of blizzards, right? That's correct. Right.

I've cracked the code. That's a hundred percent correct. The little in the Industrial Revolution era factory in Mitch's brain. You think snow is distinct from water. I think you're going to separate the two in my right. Everybody get up to the audience. So you're saying like but like a blizzard or a hail storm is distinct from snow and ice different elements. Hmm. Okay, who here hates hates snow, but thought that doomsday in Batman v Superman was pretty cool looking.

No one like that should exist. I applauded. I've fallen to that that specific. They look. I'm not a snow guy. Now you never have to see it. It's too cold. I know I don't have to see it. That's my god. It's too cold. It's too cold and it gets you wet. It's like the beach except it's like you get sand after you go to the beach, but then you're just like wet inside your clothes. It's it's miserable. You wear stuff to protect. It's like if it's raining outside you, you wear, you wear it. Use an umbrella or you were. I know. I know that there's things to wear to, but yeah, I'm just not a big snow fan, but doomsday did look pretty cool.

He did look cool. Let's talk Burger King. So Burger King we reviewed this before Mitch, not not in the first third of this podcast existence. Yes early on or pretty early on we reviewed Burger King with our with our buddy John Roy, and I think we were. I don't know. I feel like medium to somewhat neutral, maybe slightly appreciative of it. I'm not sure what our assessment was exactly, but we weren't like like amazed by Burger King, but we thought I feel like we ranked it very solid. Yeah, I mean I have a spot in my heart for Burger King probably literally some sort of some sort of disgusting fatty build up, but

cardiologist detects just like a whopper blockage. Yeah, I have a spot in my heart, but but yeah, I mean there's a lot to talk about as far as where it is now as a franchise and what's become of it. So my experience with it yesterday, not to not to jump in what to what I got or something, but it just feels like the forgotten restaurant like like it's even even you know McDonald's are everywhere and sometimes you get to like gross McDonald's or whatever. That's not well kept or whatever, but Burger King just is like the one I went to yesterday was like dark like like I went into the

drive and like it looked close. It like the entire thing looked close. It was crazy. So yeah, the the one I went to actually I don't Burger King is not a regular spot for me. The one in Hollywood that's closest to me is a it historically has been a very, very sad place and you you go in there and you're like everyone in here something has recently gone wrong. Like a lot of people are sitting there with their head in their hands and like there. I think Adam West died there this morning. Mitch, you know what? That was good. I like that. It's top. I love Adam West.

What's that? He died and like the like I always feel like people are in there who have a rolling suitcase, but they're nowhere near an airport. Sure. It's like what happened? So I usually avoid the Burger King in my area. So this Burger King meal that I ate was the first Burger King I've had in quite some time. Which so you went to that same Burger King? Yeah. Yeah. And it is close to a Wendy's and an in and out. So you got two very good choices right close to it. So Burger King usually gets the short end of the stick when I'm looking for a burger. You know what? I had that same thought where I was like because if you

think of the big four burger chains nationwide, you got McDonald's obviously, Wendy's obviously, Burger King is in there. And I think Carl's Junior Hardee's kind of slots into that number four slot. And if you're playing that game that Millennials play, one got to go. The one that's got to go is Burger King, right? Like I feel like of those four, that's the one that's kind of what you were saying earlier, Mitch, of like like it's kind of the forgotten one. And I feel like it's like the least there's always there's usually where there's a Burger King. There's usually other options that you prefer to Burger King, unless you

have a specific craving for their long chicken sandwich or their whopper or something, which are good. Those are good. Yeah. The classics are pretty good there. It's just you know you guys are you guys are absolutely right. If you had a if you had a cross one off, it's Burger King, but I also just think of Burger King from back in the day and I'm like it does have that grilled to if it tastes different. You know what I mean? Like it tastes like you're eating a burger that actually is flame grilled, whether that is fake, right? I mean, it's that sort of thing. He gets it. It's that sort of thing or she gets it. Yeah, because I'll

mean all the advertising is a close up of a grill and the flames coming up. Yeah, and the Patty sizzling on the grill. Yeah, it's a big part of their thing and and Carl's kind of does a similar thing anyways. Yeah, but you can see the lines you disassemble that burger. You can see the lines in the patty. They're kind of I mean they kind of look like they were drawn with a sharpie, but they're there. Yeah, and yeah, and that and just like thinking back and I felt like back in the day that almost felt like that that was the fresher of the two. If you thought about McDonald's and Burger King, it was like Burger King's actually just like a

little bit more quality and this is like nineteen eighty nine or something, but not anymore. That is not that's not the case anymore. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of a it's kind of a bummer. Well, Jordan, why don't you get into what you got and we can talk about our meals a little bit. So yeah, so I got two pretty big meal for me. I got two. I got so I got two special items and then two old favorites. I if my old favorites, I got the whopper with cheese. I texted Mitch. What should I get? He's like get the whopper get it with cheese. Hell yeah. We're friends so I can text Mitch what to get and then I got onion rings. I am. I think this is

a popular opinion is that Burger King fries stink. So I chose onion rings as my side. Oh boy. Whoa. I'll fuck fight you later. I got onion rings as my side. I asked about the sauces. Guys rattle and off the sauce is pretty basic ranch barbecue. Honey mustard zesty. I went with the zesty right. So I got onion rings side of zesty, not even let not even an ingredient. Just an adjective. Yes. Yeah, how it makes you feel. Yeah, here's your inspired and then for the special items. I got the Mac and Cheetos, which is a promotion they're running. This is macaroni and cheese inside a shell of Cheetos. Right. And speaking of cereals

and the upcoming cereal wars. I got the Fruit Loops milkshake. Yep. That's a that's a and that's a vanilla soft serve with Fruit Loops cereal pieces and sweet sauce. I got those same two items of Mac and Cheetos in the Fruit Loops. Are you not Americans? Why is everyone groaning at this Fruit Loops milkshake? No, why we're all on a cleanse. You're all doing the same cleanse, right? Yeah, I think that kind of people in the first row. You said Mac and Cheetos and she went like made the biggest right on face ever, which I think that I think that those are Mac and Cheetos are. That's a cool invention. Seems like it just seems

like they came up with the name first and right into it. Like we could have easily have gotten Fish and Chips Ahoy. They're just they're just mashing shit up in the boardroom doing blow and then for some reason Mac and Cheetos was more plausible than Fish and Chips Ahoy. I love that. The Burger King board is like the Wolf of Wall Street. What's next? What other idea you got? Let's book these to some words together. Yeah, no, I think the I think that I had the Mac and Cheetos as well and the Fruit Loops shake and I'm curious about your observations on the two of these because the thing I'll say about the Mac and Cheeto it's it's kind

of the shape and size of a Cheetos Puff, not a Cheetos traditional Crunchy Cheetos but Cheetos Puff. That's a free rough criticism. I didn't say it was a criticism. They're very bad, but that part of it was just descriptive. I'm painting a picture with my words. Just to get a sense of what that looks like and then yeah, they've kind of got the Creamy Mac and Cheese inside and the Fruit Loops shake. I mean, it looks like it looks like cereal milk after you're done. Yeah, eating Fruit Loops. It's got those Fruit Loops P remnants within it and kind of that weird like omnicolored tinge to it and just like a general

sort of sweetness to it. But what did you think of those items, Darden? Yeah, so the Fruit Loops milkshake. I was very excited. One of my favorite, like, I've been a good boy this week. Treats is the fast food milkshake. I love the Carl's Jr's milkshake. I like the McDonald's milkshake a lot. Frosty fucking. I mean, come on. Hell yeah. So I was very excited about this and I liked the idea of a little bit of crunch in the shake. I liked the idea of the cereal pieces. Right. Add in a little crunch to that shake. Again, not a big sugar cereal guy growing up, but I have enjoyed Fruit Loops in the

past, so I thought this would be fun. You know, the shake part was fine, but the loops were soggy, so it was like you're drinking the shake and then you just, you're getting a mouth full of a bit of sponge or something. Yeah, so texturally, not a lot of fun and yeah, you know, the chemically nature of the Fruit Loops really kind of tainted the whole thing. Right. That's definitely a thing I have a harder time appreciating in adulthood is like just artificial sweetener. The sort of thing that just sort of fruit loop. This tastes nothing like fruit, but as a kid, I just kind of like like, oh, this is like sweet and

like we like, I don't know just distinctly. I mean, I don't have a word other than sweet. It's just like distinctly kind of ambiguously sweet. Yeah. And like tasting it now, I'm just like, oh man, this feels like this has so many additives and artificial flavors. Yeah, yeah. Did you end up getting that Fruit Loops shake, Mitch? I did not and I was very sad about it. Actually, I really wanted to do it. I pulled into the drive through and I was like, hey, just so you know, I'm going to get a few things. I told this the guy and then he went, there's eight people in here. Yeah, quiet down everybody. I'll get something for everyone. Yeah, yeah,

Mitch, get us a food. Jordan, you're absolutely wrong. I instead said this is for a magazine. Even worse lie, my friend. This is for I write for penthouse. Dear penthouse. I never thought I'd be writing a letter like this. Did you got a magazine because podcast like makes it more confusing? Podcast is confused. I know why I'll explain the bike. You shouldn't do that right now. So I tried to order the so well first I said I'm going to get a few things and then the guy went. I heard that over the intercom and I was like right. Well, this guy doesn't want to help me and this sucks and he doesn't want to be here and no one wants to be at

this Burger King and then I said can I get one of those Fruit Loop shakes and it was about nine forty five. The restaurant closed at midnight and he said we've turned off the machine. I was like well you turned off the machine. I mean I didn't say anything. I said okay like the idea that takes a while to warm up or something right. You can't just put it on and squirt out a shake. It must be an annoying. It must be annoying for whatever reason. He just didn't want to make it. I didn't want to and that's fine. Whatever, but I did get the mac and cheetos and think of those. I like them. You like them. Yes, they're not bad. Here's

what did you like about them? My the mac and cheese and my cheetos were kind of creamy. It was like a creamy and I was like this is as good as any deep fried mac and cheese ball or whatever. I was I was okay with it. Your guys, your your back and cheetos were not great. Mine weren't particularly creamy. In fact, I would say they were dry. Yeah, it's the outside. It didn't feel to me like the the thing it reminded me of was this tastes like it is covered in ash. Yeah, but like not ash from a fire like the ash of a dead person who had been cremated was the character I was getting right. So yeah, it just it just felt

granular and sandy in my mouth and you don't get really much cheetos flavor from it because the powder outside of it outside of the powder that's outside of Doritos Locos Taco, which is the good execution of this kind of concept. Yes, that's true. It is way better. It's a totally different kind of powder and I don't know if it's because they're deep fried or whatever that they can't retain that same sort of that same sort of powdery texture to it or that same sort of but you don't get that cheetos flavor at all. We talked about this once before it. Yeah, they should shake some sort of nude. They should put new dust on it

after they come out of the fry right. Why not? There should be a dust shaker and then you could be a secret menu thing of it like Oh, give me a Whopper and put a little dust on there. Mine dustin on my Whopper, please and the guy sells you cocaine. What happened and then you start selling because you bought too much. Yeah, and then you get divorced and have to murder someone because the drug deal goes bad. Yeah, I see if I have the air horn app on their phone. Everybody has it get it ready. You know, these things are little orange crooked. I'm like, what are these? Sorry

six are a little orange and crooked. Are these a snack or is this Donald Trump's dick? Not not one one at not one air horn app went off, but three different people made more sounds. Everybody. Hey, Jordan. I just got a Google alert. Donald Trump has resigned. Whoa. Great job. All right, Jordan. Thanks, guys. Good job. I'm sorry to get political. Now air horns are air horns just going to keep going off continuously for the duration of the show. That is an air raid siren.

To yeah, I didn't like the man. I didn't get a lot of juicy. Juicy isn't the creamy mac and cheese inside of it. I think after we described it as Donald Trump's dick. Yeah. No, I didn't get a lot of that. I didn't go on that creamy mac and cheese inside that you wouldn't in inside a well executed like mac and cheese bite. Yeah, it was just like just dry all the way through it. Really cheesy either question for the both of you for it. Did either of you to use dipping sauce? There's no dipping sauce with it. They give it to you to ask for ranch. My man that's fucking bullshit because if it has an intended dipping sauce, they should

give you the dipping sauce and say to use it. It's it's like it's not on you to be figured right. Let me tell you what I did Nick. I forgot to ask for dipping sauce. I pulled halfway out of the drive through. I said shit and then I put my car in reverse pulled right back up to that window and I knocked on the window and said I just just got off the phone with my editor and he insisted that if I was going to write this piece for the Atlantic that I had to try dipping sauces

right away, sir. Oh, the Atlantic. Yes, we're viewing burger. Yeah, no, I yeah, I went back knocked on that window got myself a couple ranches. Yeah, so what you're saying is that you liked a fried food that you dip in ranch. I mean, that's not a particularly strong endorsement of the mac and cheese on a second. Yeah, the Froot Loom Shake. I agree. I agree with your assessment, Jordan. I also got

myself a bacon and cheese whopper sandwich, which is their classic with just like a little bit of a bacon and cheese on top. I don't think I don't think their bacon is good. I think their bacon is pretty well. I kind of like their bacon. I don't like it. Really? Yeah, I feel like there's better bacon at other chain restaurants. I feel like I like that whopper sans bacon. Give it to me without it. Well, the whopper is a class. I don't agree with what you did actually. I don't. What do you mean? I don't think you should get the whopper with bacon. I think you get a whopper with cheese and that's it. I think it's

fair if it's something is on the menu to order the item that's on the menu. I didn't like I didn't make a customization. I just said give me that bacon and cheese whopper sandwich and it was not. It was fine that the whopper is what's good. The bacon doesn't add anything. The bacon actually I think detracts from it and the fries we talked about. The fries aren't by Burger King or like whatever. They're fine now. I'm a hundred percent agree with this. The fries of Burger King or try. There were some people. Someone loved the fries, right? A couple of people like the Burger King fries. That's surprising to me because

fried juice. What would you say? What? What are you saying? Say crunchy? Oh crunchy. Crunchy. Are you just reciting your favorite line from Charlotte's web? They are. They're too crunchy. I feel like there's no. There's not there. They've changed their fries so many times. Yeah years and now they're like kind of like big and puffy. It's almost like they don't have a fried entity. Yeah, that's right. You should use the air horn there. That was great. Really good. Fry. That is great. You could do a whole Burger King campaign about fry identity. Yeah, for real have them talk about our Friday. It's changed over

the years. We're going back to classic and change your fries back there. They're like a we they're that weird thing that where it's like it doesn't even feel like a potato. It feels like it feels like the coating is getting batter. You know it's a batter stick. Yes. Yes. So yeah. Yeah, they're they're they're basically batter sticks now and and I think I think Friday is genius. I think they should do something with that. Yeah, the the ending of fry identity as it turns out that all the different fries are hallucinations inside the head of one condemned serial killer fry that reference. That is such a deep reference

identity. Yeah, you hear a scene identity. All right. It's a John Q Sack movie. It's a pretty major entertainment. Yeah, I don't. I wasn't impressed by it. In fact, I would say and this is this is a pretty searing indictment of my Burger King meal. The thing I like the best my unsweetened iced tea. Oh boy. Well, I will snark coming out of you. My my best bite. Yeah, was the onion rings pretty good side. Those are tasty onion rings and the zesty. The zesty was nice. It's like a mayo with a little hot sauce kick, maybe like a sriracha mayo. Yeah, and it's a great dipping sauce and definitely something you're not going to find

at at the other big big burger chains. So I was pleased with my rings and I would I would definitely order that zesty again. I got a surprise ring in my fries. Oh, that's great man. That's an extra fork. That is a fucking extra fork. An extra fork. Oh Jesus. I was already going maybe too high, but I got myself a whopper meal. That's one of the best feelings in the world. The bonus onion ring and a thing of fries. This is so great. There was a there's a there was a burger spot by my place. My house growing up called A's burgers and they had fries. They had rings, but they also had fried zucchini. Oh wow, and I would

not order at a whole order of fried zucchini, but one in with the fries on. Well, still away. I don't have a lot going on. Well, why you're called one of the best feelings on earth coming over rated right relax. It's not a crowd. Yeah, they don't like come. All right. Burger King at one point. Did they do a mix and match where you could get fries in onion rings? Go back to it again. Yeah, they should bring that back. Yeah, anybody has they got to fix their fries. They got to bring the mix and match

back because onion is our decent. I think Burger King. Yeah, they're good as far as all these fast food places. I feel like Burger King does a decent on your ring. Now that whopper. I got to stand up for the whopper, Jordan. I got to stand up for the whopper. It's here. Let's hear it. It's a. It's just a well put together sandwich. It's a well executed sandwich. Sure, the the menu since 1957. It's a staple. It's a staple. I mean how did you feel when you did you feel like there's enough beef within within the is the patty. Yeah, I sure didn't. I thought that the pattiest then the bun is you know long

and flat and bunny and it's just a man ace bomb. It was just I mean I think you know I probably should have asked for light Mayo because I know Burger King goes heavy on the Mayo, but again that's if you order it that way it should come in the best way possible. Yeah, so definitely a big man is bomb didn't feel very beefy pretty good produce good a good onions, good pickles. I think that was a strong point of it, but yeah, ultimately I don't I do. I don't see what people like about the whopper so much whoa. Oh wow. You know what here's here's here's the thing with Burger King and I think people will agree with

this that I think that like from location to location you can just get a really really shitty shitty Burger King like right you can you can go to a place and get a whopper and like the bun will taste old you know I mean in some times the produce will be bad, but the problem is is that so many Burger Kings are like that now where are the good ones I feel like the good ones have all disappeared. I will say that the inside of my Burger King the one that was so sad in the past they've really cleaned it up it looks nice inside friendly friendly staff very nice staff good clientele seem to be a lot of cool

teens yeah and I know Nick you always want me to tell you when I see a group of cool teens right so I know where to stay away from yeah. Yeah, no the one I know the one in Santa Monica and Pico Boulevard and yeah very well maintained very nice interior recently redone redone and very nice staff yeah it was a nice dine-in experience like play I liked being in the Burger King yeah I just got the mic caught in my beard it hurts sorry how did you do that I don't know I have no idea like in the grading of the mic head yeah it was here and then it was here and then it just got caught in my beard like I pulled it

pulled some hairs out Jesus yes it hurt him but you're here right I I I I I I I'm sad because I like Burger King I'm very I'm sad about this because it's not it's not it was once good right was it can we all agree that it was good at one point no maybe I don't know because I also don't know if I can trust my memories of it so I maybe I just had worse tastes as a kid so I should explain I ever tried to watch an episode of Full House as an adult right I you know what I've talked about this a little bit on the podcast but Fuller

House is fine it's a fine show people are like we want like bring back Full House and then they brought on Fuller House and people like it sucks it was like you wanted this exactly what you ask for you ask for you got it was and then they're like no it's like yeah you want it here it is who cares if you like it don't watch it and the same goes for Burger King if you don't like it you don't got to go to it and it feels like a lot of people are not going to it right more I I got a Steakhouse King as well this is the reason why I had to say I was working for a magazine my second my second so what was your

whopper what whopper I got a whopper meal with cheese okay with a little coke and then and then soda and then joking about buying cocaine and a Burger King and then I got the mac and cheetos and I got the Steakhouse King and I was circling that Steakhouse King I thought about getting it it looks pretty good on the menu I'll tell you I had a great bite I had a great like where I was like oh man this is like a meaty cheesy burger patty and the bun is like soft and nice and then I got to the middle and like that sauce was just fucking sucked yeah the sauce was like to you know when like it was too sweet right and it was like

it was yeah it didn't do it for the sweetness and some fast food chains when they do like a tangy sweet barbecue sauce sometimes it's overwhelming it's like honey level sweet but like the burger around it everything around it and there were some onion strings on there it was it was really really good and I was like man this is something there's like there's little glimpses of Burger King being good still with it within the meal so well I think in the interest of time we should get to our final thoughts on Burger King so Jordan you know the podcast you've been on before you know how this works but to

explain to everyone out there who might be a new Twitter need new listeners episode and we'll go ahead and give our final thoughts our closing argument and then end it with a rating of one to five forks you are a guest you may go first yeah so again this was my first Burger King meal in some time so I felt like I was going into it with a you know a clean palette very nice inside I was pleased with that I got very nice service you know that the specialty items were disappointing nothing rose to the heights of the naked chicken chalupa they were you know they they were both fun ideas mac and cheetos is fun

to say the picture of the Fruit Loop shake was nice that both of them not good the onion rings very tasty that's a great side it's nice to have an option it's something to get in place of fries zesty sauce star of the show if you're from Burger King is out there and listen and if you want to ship me some zesty shoot them up shoot that zesty over but yeah but the but you know the other stuff was disappointing the you know the Whopper itself is so it's so lauded it's a it's it people feel passionately about the Whopper right and I wanted to love it and it just I think it it's nature is just it's a it's a

flat mayonnaise bomb and and I didn't love it the Burger King is a false king the Whopper is a false god one and a half forks wow Jordan harsh very harsh go ahead Mitch Wow that's that Wow I I can't argue with you too much this place it holds a spot in my heart I really do I really enjoyed Burger King when I was younger and I like that flame grilled taste I do I really enjoy and I think the Whopper is when you get a good one it's a genuinely good sandwich I just I don't I don't know what the future holds for it like I was even just thinking about Burger King it's like that fucking dumb King has been your

campaign forever the creepy King long time so long they get it they got to change things up or he's got to fight Jack and then they team up to kill the Grimace you can't turn Grimace evil he's so nice and friendly he just seems close to Thanos I'm just looking for a Thanos oh Grimace did start off evil that's right and he had more he had like eight arms it was horrifying look if you look up in a vintage picture of Grimace he's like an HP Lovecraft Abomination and like realistic penis to that's yeah right part it's not exaggerated it's a man's penis right that's way more detailed than the rest of him and he would use

one of his eight arms to jack off yeah and fucking shoot shake like come all over the place yeah careful Nick the come yeah I remember they like one Nick Donald's commercial went in the back and then you saw like all the Grimace clones and they were like ready to be killed release us from this torment we should not be we are against God and Ronald just laughed I yeah Burger King should do something like that they should bring some sort of Grimace character horror elements sort of love crafty and nightmare something like that was like guess what now we're Freddy's and it was

Freddy's like come eat a burger bitch I'd be like this is great yeah that'd be quite a rebrand yeah but what would you not go to Freddy's I give Freddy's a shot sure of course everyone would you should just to see what was going on there they should change it out the horror character every every year I feel like I feel like it's a it's a company at hell razories they have a fry identity but they got an entire brand identity crisis going on they they need they need to change things up and they're trying you know but they're not pulling it off like Taco Bell does like none of their specialty

items are as good I liked the mac and Cheetos I thought they were decent I like the Whopper and I got a good bike got a bite out of that steakhouse king or whatever but you guys are right it's just it's not what it used to be and I don't know what the future holds for it does does a place ever get bad and then come back have you can you think of a place that's ever like really like shit the bed and then come back hmm with like any franchise Donald is not is someone to McDonald's I guess you could Domino's Domino's oh Domino's is a good one yeah I could you also say like a what was that

they got better Domino's got better I think Jack in the box is something because they they had a real low bottom where they had people died from equal I poisoning that's totally rebuilt there now you get high and want to eat right so yeah but I yeah that there's not a lot that bottom out and get better yeah a couple good recent blink 182 songs that gave me diarrhea for a while right Jordan I had a big argument about blink 182 versus Dave Matthews the other day and I'm team Dave Matthews who blink for life

he's he's a blink for life man is that been diesel guy are you been diesel guy sir you are oh for oh three storm out I think people enjoy just crunchy more than that sorry I'm sorry Burger King this feels like I'm stabbing them in the back I am poisoning the king I was his food tester my gosh and I let it go by I let I let a poisoned wafer get to my king two forks wow an act of treachery and regicide I'll keep my thoughts compact the King mascot this time to the fucking day do something that King mascot he's just like I got it for a while was like this

kind of ironic like oh we're kind of a we're we're making fun of our own sort of kish value we've got this kind of like creepy ominous King King mascot say something yeah and this isn't from the country thing and this isn't an insult either you do kind of look like the king for real like I have a physical resemblance your facial features right kind of looks like the king a little bit and I don't know this was a whoa audience was not I'm going to go I'm going to go sit next to the point you kind of look like the king to me who thinks I look like the king from Burger King and like Jesse Eisenberg's performance in

Batman versus Superman that okay I'm a little interesting very interesting all right now how about he took a big swing yeah how about Count Chocula yeah wins that still wins out that's your double game right but they but they use you know I was thinking about like he is like weren't they in some wasn't he in some games at some point they use and yet an Xbox is an Xbox one game and I was fucking like over 10 years ago that was so long ago and his ironic value I feel like has been exhausted the food is just not high quality I realized the

best Burger King meals I've ever had and I used to work across the street from Burger King it was regular lunch option and I still think the best Burger Kings I've ever had have been in airports which to me doesn't speak well to its quality as a chain because that's a situation we're just sort of desperate for a meal and I've been like oh this is kind of satisfying I'm through being charitable I'm through being like hey like this is bad but it's not inedible this so I guess it doesn't quite deserve enough no this is a wreck shop wager wreck shop this is an F Burger King one fork and take that fork and stick

it in you because you're done the king is dead long live the king you're shutting down burger I'm shutting down Burger King Wow no I was big it's your heel turn happen to the sub your you're not oh I'm not a heel turn maybe your hero turn you're not taking my face turn your face turn you're what do they call a neutral wrestler who people are just kind of like ambivalent about that guys all right all right let's a little more guff from Weigar yeah that's impressive that was Burger King now it's time for regular segment I've got a mystery drink and Mitch and Jordan must guess what it is it's the Weigar

challenge and there's a little twist of the Weigar challenge this time you have a third combatant an audience volunteer TBD who wants to come up here and take the Weigar challenge I saw a hand shoot up right in the back back row hi how are you come on up it's the great guy it's which guy which guy is this no he's just some new guy he's making his way to the stage we'll call him the hoodie guy because he got a hoodie on oh he'll just say his name in 30 seconds how's it go ahead and go ahead and step over here you can pull that chair forward why don't we switch actually is this gonna work okay cool well yeah you'll say you'll

swing right in the middle here it was quick to take that offer of getting away from us looks like I got I got too horny when we were talking about the grimace and I'm hoping while I'm over here I can secretly jack off you can scooch up a little bit Jordan you're kind of in a band leader put it position back there right here I'll go free to scooch up Chris it looks like your name is how you doing Chris I'm great I have a great time here at max fun con absolutely so are you a Burger King partisan is that a chain you like what's your favorite fast food chain my favorite is probably McDonald's McDonald's okay yeah I think

that's a I mean it's a mainstream pick what a fine pick right I think a lot of people would say that McDonald's is right I pass that over to Mitch and then I'll have I've got one for you as well okay all right here we go so here's how the Weiger challenge works thank you for thank you for helping us out Chris here's how the Weiger challenge works you guys can open this up you can use any of your preferences except for sight as the label has been covered up with duct tape to glean what this is and try and determine what the what the beverage of choice is what the mystery beverage is and the winner courtesy of the Roz who I think is

a volunteer here or a worker here some Canadian chips that she gave us so thank you for that this is world of flavors poutine they look like they're chip like so whoever gets closest by my by my judgment will get these war and she gave us yeah and I wasn't here and then you you're making it the gift yeah well you have to fucking work for it see if you can earn these all right thank you thank you Roz God bless you all right so I win no matter what okay so and I get to see a car we all want to see a car and I'll love to see a car go ahead and crack those bottles open yeah it's a little less effects here yeah those are room

temperature sorry I brought them up in the Rachel Ray bag which I have been beneath my feet which keeps things at a good temperature but unfortunately I bought them at the grocery store brought them directly here didn't get a chance to chill them ahead of time so I apologize they look like ma they look like a mall Malta God damn it I can't what are you trying to say Malta of Malta of it's okay Mitch Mitch's put his head is his head in his hands they look like fucking bombs home made little grenades yeah how do you say it Molotov Molotov Molotov Molotov Molotov Molotov cocktails right good job

I don't have that air horn app ready we'll take an air horn at any point all right go so go ahead and tell us what you're what you're smelling what you're tasting what you're sensing here from this way it's a clear it's a clear beverage seems like some sort of seltzer water or something along those lines bubbly it's getting a artificial watermelon interesting yeah it is a so yeah I mean the shape is like the arrowhead the arrowhead seltzer yes the La Croix or La Croix variant yes I think Jordan saying that I think it is an arrowhead like yeah I'm wondering if

there's a little word play on Nick's part going on here because we are at Lake Arrowhead okay sure thank you yeah yeah Molotov so yeah and I know the arrowhead does I do I know the arrowhead does have a like bottled seltzer that they sell it's always a little bit more expensive than the than La Croix so I don't get it at the store but but it's always tasty it's always a tasty gas station treat which is second only to a forest treat yeah so yeah bubbly water with some sort of fruit flavoring the fruit flavoring very intense I think you're close with watermelon I might say crann lime crann lime is that is that

your guess are you gonna guess a brand there to yes I'm gonna guess arrowhead sparkling water flavor is yeah I'm not right with crann lime I can't think of anything better though yeah arrowhead sparkling water crann lime crann lime Mitch Chris what do you guys think do you want to go first I also like was this duct tape in your trunk that you put around the drugs he meets in 18 right you can go first because you you initially said watermelon I kind of agree so yeah yeah I mean I'm gonna go I'm at a little bit of a disadvantage with the brand because I'm from the East Coast I don't know right ahead but that's all

I'll go with arrowhead and I'll say it's an arrowhead watermelon seltzer arrowhead watermelon seltzer okay thanks someone out there agrees with you go ahead Mitch I'm gonna say hmm you know it kind of has like a bubble gum flavor too it's it's it's it's interesting but I don't think arrowhead makes a bubble gum flavored sparkling water that be weird it would be weird so I'm gonna say it is arrowhead sparkling watermelon and melon I feel like there's a regular watermelon and regular melon just general melon yes and water and a specific kind of you got watermelon but then also you got regular melon wait so wait this is just a

Chris's Chris your guess was watermelon did you have another flavor in there just watermelon yeah just water just watermelon not melon Mitch you're saying watermelon Sons melon and Mitch yours is watermelon melon yes and you have a crayon lime yeah someone is exactly right no one is exactly right well you were all very close I thought I didn't I thought it was being really clever getting an arrowhead thing was so transparent they're recognizable bottles so I know I should have got some cups to put a little cute it's very cute no I was dying I like it you're great at Nick it was fine I got a good

reveal I thought it'd be like like oh it's like I was waiting for that pop what is this like it's an arrowhead average whatever I was between that and some bacon soda I should get in the bacon soda would have been more interesting you know the town were they all French kiss cows we would go back to that all right so you're getting a good pop so were you worried when we asked who here's from arrowhead and no one was at the top of the show yeah but I think they would think is like oh it's like like a Jordan was a little bit of more play in any event here is the actual flavor it is sparkling strawberry

arrowhead whoa so with two melons I think the winner is the one man who actually named a berry Jordan Morris you have won the Weiger challenge thank you I'll give you this world we should do a snack or whack on those chips right now we're running tight on time but yeah we do a quick we do a quick I'll never car okay I'm gonna have these chips what we're doing and if anyone has at this point we're just about out of time but and I know you guys want to go to dinner but we will we will open up the feedback if anyone out there has a question for the dope boys and give Chris a hand big hand for Chris thank you so

much if anyone out there has a question I think we have a wireless mic that is being distributed or if no one has a question that's fine yeah someone out there has a mic any questions at all they feel free to just raise your hand and go ahead go for it you if you don't have a question that's fine well I thought I thought I thought I thought the man with the mic was the guy with the question he's just offering the mic and no one wants it everyone was so vociferous earlier yeah a lot of opinions people are a question right there we go right there we go this question hi what's your name Alexandra

hi I'm Alexander everyone kind of a weird one what do you think the fast food of the what do you think is the best fast food for leftovers huh I mean I have an opinion about it but I want to she probably asked Damon Lindelof oh boy what can I say I loved that show Jordan you are a bitch yeah I think the I I mean except pizza is the obvious answer right pizza is the obvious answer that's what I'm thinking in my head but what actually keeps better I have a lot of success with things like nachos or like chili cheese fries like things that are

like kind of coated items that you can kind of reheat but they aren't like you don't worry about Christmas they've just got a like a bunch of flavor on them by the way I think these are a definite snack right yeah we all agree on these snack for these these are good did you say a boot are you from Canada oh no I'm from Buffalo okay never mind but I'm saying New York but are you from but are you familiar with these sort of chips no but I take one okay I would come up here and have a chip have a chip run to your verdict Alexander what do you guys think best best fast food for the works as a leftover yeah you know I think I mean I

remember back in high school where the like Taco Bell where you just got nine of those soft tacos for $2 oh yeah hell yeah those just little soft tacos it's a tiny tortilla a little bit of cheese a little bit of meat you those can be in the freezer for a week and taste exactly right yeah they're not like great to begin with but as far as retaining their quality they do a pretty good job right hey is has have people changed their mind now that you got a chip if you ask a question they're pretty good you get a chip and you can see a car what do you think Alexander you like that chip yeah I mean the gravy flavor is a little bit

weird but it's pretty right I'm gonna give him a snack to those are those are good official snack Canadians no chips thanks Alexandra I feel like we didn't really answer a question well I guess like after I after pizzas is the big but like sometimes eating a burrito but I don't like I don't I like I don't like my leftover pizza cold right I said this before I like to heat it up yeah what's what's your favorite do you what's your favorite cold leftover that you know actually have an answer now I have an answer to your original question Alexandra favorite fast food leftover Popeyes wow all right that seems like

that's what you were looking for I got it I got I have an answer to but it's not a specific chain and I wonder what people will think of it I sometimes like to eat a cold steak that's weird oh man that's weird right that's fair fuck fuck like arrowhead I'd like to eat a hot steak first fucks sake sometimes if I put it in the fridge a little bit I take it out and I and I go at it yeah I guess I prefer everything heated up again though is my issue with leftovers right yeah well what are you gonna do yeah let's we'll take one more question then we'll wrap

it up let you guys go to dinner any any other questions or comments that you any other questions out there one question right there I see a hand in the middle section you get a gentle lady right here hi let us know your name when you grab that microphone here pass her those chips and don't take one if you didn't ask a question I won't take this till I finish talking so I don't remember if you've covered this before but favorite type of bun for a hamburger because there's a lot of Chewbada right pretzel or classic sesame I mean that's an excellent question what's your name Amy thank you Amy what were you saying

Jordan I mean I think that the the bun trend that I think needs to die immediately I think the brioche bun is a monstrosity well that is a great lately I get that it looks cool coming out but it just it just breads up the thing unnecessarily it's not that good no more brioche I think the simpler the better with the bun I think the bun is there to soak up burger juices I think the gold standard is the shake shack bun I think it's great I mean I think a no bond is that is I think so yeah I think the best bun in the game is the shake shack but right I like a classic sponge dough give me an in and out

burger bun I think that's they do an excellent bun I feel like that's one of their best underrated attributes but I here's what I also like here my curve balls English muffin so which is yeah hell yeah is a great burger bun and you know what this crowd of plots in for English muffin and food because I said I like cold steak right yes I know but still it's a leftover for God's sake one one opinion is normal and the other is not wait a minute this crowd like this crowd applauded you for saying that the Avengers is good but they booed when you said you're more attracted to amputees

that's how I feel I I I I'm gonna go with my bun of choice is classic soft backyard sesame seed bun and a barbecue good sesame seed yikes not a lot of spoon made of course we all like a nice firm paribotics right fellas hell yeah hell yeah I hope the lights go out with Weigar's hand in the air Weigar is looking for a fire that was never delivered very late flame I think he went to a flip did you go into a flashback there right of every time that was a visual representation of just like the general chemistry of this

why you're just start screaming I quit this t-ball team any any any other big buns we missed any big but do we miss any of the big buns potato yeah I think we might want to say no potatoes good what did you say pretzel or pretzels are hard wow yeah I think they could okay oh my god is firing someone's gonna start throwing a little a tour of cocktail it's getting so rowdy in here hope no one throws a mullet muller turt it's pronounced mullet top cocktail Jordan good job good job guys I think that'll wrap it up for this episode of Doe Boys Jordan Morris he's a

man our producer Dustin Marshall Nick White on deck I know next time for the Spoonman Mike Mitchell and Nick Weigar Happy eating!