Doughboys - Burger King with John Roy

Episode Date: November 5, 2015

The Doughboys train their sights on the world's second largest burger chain, as comedian John Roy (Conan, Don't Ever Change podcast) joins to review BK. Plus, another edition of Snack or Wack.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In 1953, two Jacksonville, Florida aspiring restaurant tours, Keith J. Kramer and Matthew Burns crossed the continent to scout a McDonald's location in the SoCal city of San Bernardino. They returned home to the Sunshine State and shortly opened a burger restaurant of their own, basing its name off the quick-cooking Insta broilers they installed in their industrial kitchen. Just three years later, its own identity was forged as it introduced the signature hamburger sandwich that would make it the home of the whopper. After dropping the Insta prefix, it grew to prominence as a chain in the 1960s, eventually

being purchased by the Pillsbury Corporation, an alliance that would last into the 21st century. As opposed to the rigid, efficiency-targeted campaign of its inspiration and chief rival, this fast-food eatery made its marketing emphasis personal choice and customizability, which is reflected in its famous slogan. Now owned by Brazilian conglomerate 3G Capital, who merged it with Canadian titan Tim Hortons, its foothold in the world of fast-food burger chains is secure. According to its website, it now has over 12,000 locations in 73 countries, including

in Australia, where a local trademark dispute is forced it to operate as Hungry Jack. But its success is tainted by the fact that, although it granted itself the title of a monarch, it remains and appears fated to remain the clear number two to McDonald's, the Goliath it imitated at its founding. It's the Pepsi, the Luigi, the Scotty Pippen of Burger Chains. This week on Doe Boys, have it your way. It's BK, Burger King. Go, it's the Doe Boys!

Go, it's the Doe Boys! Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weigar, sitting here with my co-host, Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man. How you doing, Mitch? I'm doing all right. Hey, very informative intro there. Yeah, a little bit of info, cribbed from the two sources I generally go to, the Wikipedia page for the chain, and then it's come from a corporate website, so, yeah.

And a Nintendo reference, too. Sure, yeah, gotta work one of those in there. The Pillsbury Doe Boy had a hand in this. Yeah, he was like the Pillsbury Corporation owned Burger King for a few decades, and they sold it off in 2000, and then it was just exchanged hands with all these weird, all these weird, there's all these venture, venture capital is in the term, but basically these hedge funds and holding companies that just acquire huge companies, and they've got these anonymous names like 3G capital, or Bane capital, these kind of ominous sounding ambiguous things,

but they control, they pull the levers of capitalism, they just control the global economy. I actually call it Hungry Jacks. You call it Hungry Jacks. That's right, Mike. You're Australian characters coming out. Character? What are you talking about, Mike?

This is your real voice as a real Spoon Man, we're saying here. That's right. Just want to say, howdy-how to Spoon Nation. Do you know, this is, I'm excited for this episode, I would say this is the big three, right? If you're talking burgers, if you're talking burgers, this is the big three, McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's, I think most people, and maybe if you wanted to make it a big four, like how there's the G12 summit, and there's also the G10 summit, sometimes they decide

who's going to be there, they expand it or contract it a little bit. That's going over my head. But you could say Carl's Jr. Hardy's slots in as maybe number four, but I'd say maybe, probably, right, the big three, the triumvirate, is McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's. Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts about Burger King. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like McDonald's is a part of every American's life, and I feel like Burger King

is right there, too. Before we get into that, and introduce our guest, I wanted to ask you, Mitch, this episode recording this October, this will actually be released in November, what are your feelings on Thanksgiving? You a Thanksgiving guy? Yeah, I'm a big, I mean, come on, what type of question is that? I love October, it's my birthday is in October, and I like the change of seasons, and I like spooky Halloween stuff, I know that we found out that you're scared of ghosts and goblins

yourself. Yeah. So, I really love October. I just said we're going to, this is coming out in November, which is why I'm going to Thanksgiving. I'm segueing into it, and I'm saying November, for me, is fun, I like it, but it's October is the winner of the two, but I love Thanksgiving, that holiday is one of the best. You sit around, you eat, and you watch football, and you get drunk, I mean, what's not to

like about it? Are there people out there who don't like Thanksgiving dinner, are you not a Thanksgiving dinner guy? I like Thanksgiving, I say some of the items at Thanksgiving dinner are not my favorite, like I don't like white meat turkey is not, you know, that would not be a thing I'd order off of a menu. If it's there for Thanksgiving, I'm like, all right, this is fine. Yeah, but a roasted white meat, I mean, white meat turkey.

It's fine. Oh my God. So, you have the issue with Thanksgiving dinner. I don't have an issue with Thanksgiving, I just feel like just some of the items you get at Thanksgiving dinner are not particularly inspired, I just sort of like, I would never get cranberry sauce outside of Thanksgiving dinner, and I feel like, yeah, it has this connection to the holiday, it has this connection to like, you know, childhood nostalgia or whatever, but I don't know, it's not a thing that particularly excites me.

I love, you gotta have a better Thanksgiving dinner. You gotta come to my godparents, they make a great Thanksgiving dinner. Are you criticizing my grandparents? Grandparents suck at cooking. Oh boy, we'll sell this afterwards. And also, you get mad at me for plugging my own birthday? Fucking, come on. I didn't get mad at you for plugging your birthday, this is about November, you started

wagging your finger at me. I don't want this to seem immediately dated. Well, if it's my birthday in October, I want to celebrate, even on Doughboy's podcast. All right, you're one of those guys with a birthday month, he makes a big deal out of it. Oh shut the fuck up. All right. Also, I want to say, in Boston, you know, they're harder to find now, but a gobbler sandwich is what we call it, which is, you know, like, it's usually like a roll, you

know, like a bulky roll, turkey, stuffing, so there's a lot of different ways to do it. This is a gobbler to me. Let's see how other people out there feel about it. It's kind of a New England sandwich, it could be made anywhere. Mayo, stuffing, turkey, cranberry sauce, that's what that's on a bulky roll or... It sounds good. It's great. Have you ever had a gobbler?

I've had, I've certainly had like a sandwich that has like turkey and cranberry sauce on it or some sort of cranberry aioli, you know, certainly had like a Thanksgiving derivative turkey sandwich. I don't think I've had a gobbler. That sounds yummy. Montclair deli, back in Quincy. And that's a year-round treat. Oh yeah, it used to be one of the big sandwiches that Montclair deli's shut down though, but

it was, it's great. It's one of my favorite sandwiches. For whatever reason I'm ever in Quincy, Massachusetts, I'll give it a shot. You really should. Some people will put gravy on there, but I'm not a gobbler, I'm a gravy-free guy. Gravy-free. You heard it here first, guys. Oh, this is an interesting two-wiger who hates Thanksgiving anyway.

This is great. Let's introduce our guest, a hilarious stand-up comic. He's appeared on Conan, The Tonight Show, and he's the host of the podcast Don't Ever Change, which is right here on Feral Audio. I'm really happy to have John Roy with us. Hi, John. What's up? Good to be here.

I just, hearing about Burger King puts me in a good mood. Oh yeah. When you started talking about like the origins in the Wikipedia segment, that made me as happy as like when you hear a documentary about your favorite band and just you hear the guy go like, like, Mother Lovebone following the death of Andy Wood, which we got a singer. Stone Gossard met a young man named Edward Veteran. You're like, oh boy, Pearl Jam. Like, I mean, like, that's the same kind of feelings that went into me when I started

hearing the tale of how it all came together, and I have to have one comment, too, about I didn't want to chime in when, you know, when there's, in the two-man part of the show. Sure. But, you know, you're putting Hardee's and Carl's Jr. in as some kind of fourth of the big three. There's not nearly the coverage around the U.S. to do that. You're like, there's not Hardee's in most of the U.S. or Carl's Jr.'s.

Yeah, John, I'm glad you brought that up, because to me, that was classic Weigar bullshit. It's like, okay, we have Carl's Jr.'s in California, but there's no Carl's Jr.'s west of like Vegas or east of Vegas, and then Hardee's is like, only in like by the highway. Like, there's none of them in the city of Chicago, or if there is, they're new. I don't think Hardee's exists. You know, you're a Hardee's denier. I never see Hardee's as the one that I never usually see Hardee's in. It's exactly a Carl's Jr.'s.

It has the same little smile on the star. There's absolutely no reason, I can think of why they've kept the two separate brands when they have the same menu. I don't get it. It's like the best foods Helmins thing. It's just like they've just, Inertia has left them. That drove my girlfriend crazy, the best foods Helmins. She's like, no, it should say Helmins.

It's just not okay with her. I agree with that. I'm a Helmins guy. Best food just seems like cheap or something. I don't like it. It just seems like a nice name. Since the packaging is the same, it looks like a movie set made of fake mayonnaise because they couldn't use the product, but they made the font the same.

It looks like something that just, they only exist in the refrigerator on how I met your mother. It has no, that's food. The refrigerator on how your mother is filled with mayo, if you've ever seen it. Look closely when they open it, you can see old mayo. Yeah, I'm a Helmins guy. I grew up on Helmins, so the best food thing really kind of throws me off every time I see it.

Yeah, that is a good, why don't they just go by Carl's Jr.? Why is it? I think Carl's Jr. is also a cooler name than, than Harleys. Well, it's bizarre. I mean, I don't know, Carl's Jr., like that's not, wouldn't it be Carl Jr.? Vietnam. Like it doesn't make any sense. It's like attorney's general, like I don't understand why.

This is just too plain to me or something. That's why, I don't know, I mean, I've now had Carl's Jr. for a good decade, so maybe I'm being a little biased here, but it's just, it's a more interesting sounding name. That's a franchise to me. To get pedantic about a bit of trivia, which is my favorite thing to do on the, on the podcast. Oh, joy. It's called Carl's Jr. actually.

There is a story. There is a, Carl has seven children. The etymology of Carl's Jr. is that Carl Karcher, his first restaurant, was Carl's Drive in Barbecue, and then he made a smaller version he called that Carl's Jr., and then Carl's Jr. was the hit. You mean people didn't want to eat ribs in the car? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't a big hit there, just, just munching away on some big slather ribs while you're

trying to drive. It didn't go anywhere. No. I don't know why that never, never took off. I'm sure so many, like there were tons of accidents with just barbecue sauce around the wheel. Well, you gotta figure when they first started drive-thrus, they probably tried every genre, like drive through your pasta. Fuck, no.

You're like, ah, how about, you know, fish fry, that works, all right, we'll do that one. No pasta. Yes, it is, it is strange to me that, I mean, like, you know, the, the, the main, and I think it's just, you know, it's for obvious reasons, I guess, it's just a burger, so it's easy to, to take down and you're winning one hand or whatever, but I feel like even, even Taco Bell, the idea of Taco Bell drive-thru was like, felt like a later thing or something. I can't do it.

It goes in my lap. It goes in my, I can't, there's nothing they have, and I always kind of, I'm sick of burgers when I see one, and I, I, rental car places should have to be able to see me eat Taco Bell crunchy tacos in the front seat before they agree, so they have to see what kind of lettuce cleanup situation. Are you okay with this? Because this is what it's going to be, you know, like, really, that's what you're looking forward to.

There's not, there, there is nothing, there's nothing easier than just a burger, and if, if I'm, if I'm eating on the road, it's either a chicken sandwich or a burger, like even Taco Bell, I will either go over to the side of the road and eat it like a creep in my car, I'll take it home. I won't, like a, a burger is actually something I can eat while driving. That's what it's usually, you power it in the park, you think you're going to eat it on the road, and then you see the entrance to the highway, like, you know what, I'm just going to stay in this parking lot and eat the, the shit out of this.

That's a great, that's a great thing. I wonder how many people, when they eat on the road, are actually eating and driving. I rarely do it, it's, it's a difficult maneuver for me. I can do it with like a breakfast sandwich, or, I mean, sometimes a burger, but anything more than that, it's just like a greasy mess. And yeah, I'll usually pull that move, and then I'll always feel like, well, why didn't I just fucking eat in the restaurant? If I'm like, I go to the drive-thru, and then I pull into a parking space and I'm eating

in the lot. Well, I know why, you didn't want to hear train. Yeah. You didn't want to hear fucking all American readjust, that's why you didn't eat in the restaurant. That's a no-brainer. I go into the restaurants, I want to hear that stuff. Yeah, no, I'm starting to become more and more, as we're doing this podcast, I kind

of am like, oh, it's, I like that, you can go in and eat, you have no mess, it's great, your car doesn't smell like food. I kind of, I like the experience of eating inside of a restaurant, of a fast food restaurant now. It's, I've, I've changed on it, because I never, ever, before we started to do this, I hadn't eaten inside a fast food restaurant in probably like seven years or something, unless I was on the road and like, we're like, okay, we're going to sit, and now I kind of, I like it.

Yeah, and there's always things too, like you're like, you know, you're at a Carl's Junior at like 9 p.m. and you're eating in, and then there's just like an old man sitting by himself in a, in a booth, like reading a USA Today, and like, what's this guy's life? Like, what happens with him? If you want the most depressing Netflix documentary slash indie movie scene, go to the, the McDonald's on La Brea, like right on the border of Rio, it is a Wes, you know, Wes Anderson's films are too hopeful for it. Yeah.

Todd Salon. Yeah, I think it's, it's not, it's not a good thing. I was in that McDonald's once, actually, and I had to use the- No way. Wait, the one in La Brea? What were you doing in Hollywood? I was in the La Brea of McDonald's and I was dining in and I went to use the restroom and they have this system there, I think it's at this one where you have to, you ask at

the counter and then they hit a buzzer underneath the, the register and then you kind of have to like hastily walk to, to get into the bathroom before the timer goes off. So like, I went, I went there and I asked to use the bathroom and they like hit a buzzer, I walked over and I opened the bathroom door and I went in and as soon as I went in, I went to the urinal, a guy, a homeless man, I believe, just went sprinting after me and just like charged in after me and like, I went to the urinal and was like, look, see that, I saw this guy like this, a shadow in my peripheral vision, just this like dirty shadow, just, just charged behind me and I thought like, I was like, oh, I'm going to

die, like this is my death, but then he just went straight into the stall and just set up shop in there, but it was like such a moment of just like this, that was fucking- So they wait for it, like, you know, refugees waiting for the guards, like they're going for that. Yeah. I lived in that neighborhood. I lived two blocks from there for four years and there were moments where I would actually want McDonald's and then look in and just go, I can't run that gauntlet of misery, right?

Hollywood McDonald's are especially tough, I would say. They've had some, a few of them have had makeovers and they're trying to make them look better. Well, also massive, rich people condo developments have just gone in on either side of it, so it's going to be interesting to see if they make it more like the Beverly Hills McDonald's. Are they going to keep, for example, the policy of the doored shutting thing, like, I don't know, they may, I don't think the people at the Dillon and the Huxley are going to be cool with that. Yeah.

They're going to have to change with the neighborhood. These people who put 1.2 million down on a condo, if they have to, you know, they want to get a McCafe at the McDonald's, they're not necessarily keen on this like airlock system of bathroom usage that involves two people turning submarine keys so you can access it. Did they have to break down the door because you were in a little ball on the floor crying after that encounter? No, no.

I powered through it. Good for you. Kept my, just focused on the wall and did my business and got out of there. Do you think it's pretty cool crying at McDonald's that they automatically give them like McDonald's cookies in a cone and then they're like, that's like a protocol? We have a crier. Okay, give, oh wait, we know what to do. Hey, by the way, just want to be clear, what do you mean by do your business in the bathroom?

Number one, what the fuck kind of question is that? I said I went to the urinal. What else would I be doing? You know, you know what I thought you might be doing. Anyways, so John, this is, this is very interesting to me. Well, first of all, I want to say John's one of the nicest guys, very funny man. And when I first came to the UCB theater, you know, like I didn't know anyone or a lot of, like I didn't know a lot of people at all and you came up to me, you were very nice

to me. Sometimes I'm a dick, so I'm glad that you saw me on a good day. You were so, so pleasant and nice to me, a young green little guy and well, not little, but a young fat green guy. A couple years later, I did your show where you were a talk show host and you didn't know what was going on. Yes, yeah, yeah, it was, and that was, and that, I think we talked about this moment exactly.

Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, and yeah, you've always been such a great guy. Now, a lot of people are going to wonder why you chose Burger King. Oh, okay. And because when we heard, now I think Burger King gets a lot of shit. Yeah, I don't, I'm not cool with that. I love Burger King. I don't love all aspects of Burger King.

Yes. But I love Burger King. Basically, I love the whopper. I think the whopper is the sandwich to beat in the fast food world. Wow. I think the whopper and the OG chicken sandwich, not the tender crisp. The one that's not really good for you and is probably the stuff in it is way worse and shittier than the tender crisp, but it just tastes so good.

I've never been cool with, I liked the fries they had in the 90s and they've changed them a billion times. They have no confidence in their fries. Oh, we were right. They've changed it all the fucking time and I don't like the current, I'm okay with the current ones, but they, McDonald's is never like, when the bear, when the, the Green Bay Packers had far as the quarterback, during that time, the bears had like 23 guys. Yeah.

That's how I feel like the Burger King, McDonald's are the same fries since Ray Kroc was alive and Burger King is changing them like every month. They're like, ah, that didn't work. Ah, fuck. Crankle fries. No. Shit. I think, I think, I think we should jump right into the fry situation because I think

that's a huge part of what Burger King is. I think, I, so I too, I get a little tough when, when people are like, Burger King sucks. I kind of, I kind of stick up for that place because, because it, to me, there's a lot of reasons why I like it. I'll get into it. But the, the fries have changed and I feel like Burger King itself has just had kind of an identity crisis. McDonald's has always kind of just been like this sort of thing.

They, they got the, you know, they got the equation down for French fries. Right. You know, like, like you said, 40 or 50 years ago and they've just been the same salty, delicious fries that they've always been. Whenever they turn cold, like less than what physics should say. Like somehow the McDonald's fry becomes cold and hard, almost a different state of matter, somehow within a minute 40 of you by ordering them. Like they're amazing, amazing, amazing, unedible.

Yeah. Like, I don't, I don't know why. Yeah, cool. I'm not a big fan of cold McDonald's fries. They, they, they just have such a, you can really taste the grease or whatever once it, once they, once they cool down. But if you get a hot, fresh batch of McDonald's fries. Oh, yeah.

No, that's, that's indisputable. They're, they're great. And I, and I feel like Burger King, I, I, I remember this. I remember the first time they, they changed their fries and they like, they kind of coated them. Yeah. That was horrible. It was, it was bad.

It was, it was, what was it, early 2000s, I think they had like a breaded fry. That was their big thing. Yeah. That, that was brutal. But that was even earlier than 2000. No, they did something almost right when I went to college and I was like, this is like 90s, I think. Yeah.

And it was bad. Yeah. Like four to seven different fries. Just in the last, like, it's almost like a new fry every two years. And they keep, they've done like a free fries promotion more than once. Like we're giving away free fries. Try our new fries. Like cut, like they're trying to usher people into their restaurants and be like, see, this

is the, we figured it out now. Have a, you know, enjoy these. And then they're always, yeah, they're always just disappointing. They're always like, I feel like anytime I get fries at Burger King, I'm just, I'm just getting them because it's the thing you get with a burger or it's the thing that comes with the combo. I'm never excited about it. You don't want to spend the money individually.

But you know what, man? There's so many calories in a whopper. Like Fred Rogers not doing the fries anyway. Yeah. Oh no. You know, like that's the only thing. Like when they put the calorie counts on the menu, they never had to do that before. I'm sure Burger King took a hit.

Like once you saw what was actually going on. Yeah. I think they're, you know, they're in an interesting spot because the fries today and we'll review the meals in a little bit. But the fries today, it felt kind of like they were back to basic. They felt like kind of back to where, where, where they kind of were. But, but then also I think that they're also Burger King, I feel like feels like they had to do kind of some different gimmicks and things like that.

I read an article, this is business section shit from about like, I don't know, whenever Super Size Me came out. Yeah. Because McDonald's was the number one, they took a lot of hits, they had to act healthy. But Burger King's CEO at the time said, look, we're number two and no one's going to give us any shit. They did a study and found most of their biggest customers were guys that ate there like five times a week.

So they just oriented the whole menu towards these dudes who didn't give a shit about health. So they made like the omelette, the normal omelette sandwich and like these, these insane 1500 calorie bombs that they're like screw it. Everyone at our restaurant doesn't give a shit. So let's do it. Which is really funny to me. So because there's this weird change that happened with Burger King because I remember back in the day, and my dad was just probably wrong by the way, but he was like, oh, Burger King

is kind of like a more healthy, they're actually, the burgers are grilled and it feels kind of like more like unlike McDonald's, which is just seems so fried and processed. I think early on people were like, oh, Burger King has like grill marks and it feels kind of like they made the burger there that day. The lettuce is in one piece and not shredded shit lettuce like you get at McDonald's, you know? Yeah. No, for sure.

I think the ingredients of the Whopper, like they feel fresher. It feels more of like a burger and early on, I felt like people when I was young, people like, oh, McDonald's is shit and Burger King is kind of a better quality option. Well, now I don't. It's your time. Yeah. It really felt like it was. Now, I feel like people are like, oh, Burger King is shit, McDonald's is shitty, but everybody

loves it. It's just. I don't know. I mean, I feel McDonald's is like just people eat it because it's there. Like, do you know anyone who legitimately loves any of the hamburgers at McDonald's? Like loves them. Besides me? No, maybe not.

The regular McDonald's hamburger might be like, oh, those little snack burger, I like that. But nobody loves the quarter pounder or the Big Mac or maybe there's some Big Mac. I don't know. It feels like there are people that love the Whopper, but I don't know anybody that's that Gaga over anything on the McDonald's dinner menu. I love them all, but I'm a weird person that loves a lot of fast food stuff, but I know what you're saying.

I just, I feel like there was a weird switch where people really went hard on Burger King and I don't necessarily understand why that happened. Like sure, they started getting a little bit more gimmicky and the quality maybe dipped a little bit at one point. Well, some of the items are pretty like, the angry Whopper looks like so awful that like I can't even like think about what it is. There's some of their items that are just sort of like, who would want that? Why would you sell that?

Yes. Yeah. And I feel like that was a thing when I was, you know, this is like 10 years ago, I feel like when they started pushing the tender crisp and like these different gimmicky things, I think it was helping them for a point and then I think it just kind of fell apart. They look like they're flailing. Like they don't have, same thing with the fries, they look like they don't have a plan or they don't believe, they don't have a core thing, you know?

You know, and, you know, not to dwell on Carl's Jr. here, but what you were saying earlier, John, about how they sort of were seeing their core customers were like these young men and then they were having these high caloric content. Yeah, they were all like labor, they weren't all young. It was like men. So just men who just wanted a lot of like trashy food. And I feel like that's kind of what like Carl's Jr. and you get it from their marketing too. You know, they've got like these, you know, all these ads with models eating drippy hamburgers

and you know, and like all their food is just like super loaded, just like burgers with jalapeno poppers on them. You can't get your mouth around it. Yeah, exactly. I don't like, I think that's a bad thing because you can only eat fast food meats in small quantities because you can't tell it's bad meat. Sure. Like you eat the McDonald's regular hamburger, there's so much onions and mustard that you

go, this is beef. But the bigger you make that patty, the more you are inviting them to taste how bad your patty is. And I feel like Carl's Jr. is just no disguising it. You bite into that big Carl and I had to do an internet commercial for them so they gave me the burger for me to eat it and like know about it. And like, there's no disguising that you're not eating a ground chuck patty that all came from, you know, the marketplace.

Yeah. You know, I think that's always apparent when McDonald's tries like a bigger, like fancy beefy burger and I never usually will love it. Like I'm always like, oh, it just kind of tastes strange. The Arch Deluxe. The Arch Deluxe. Whatever that new thing. The Arch Deluxe.

What was the new one steak? The third pound Angus or whatever that was. And they had a new version of the Angus that came out this year that I tried that was just like, they just keep doing the same thing. Like all of McDonald's high-end burgers, I don't know why they're even bothering because they're always just a thing of like, they have a, you know, that's like their equivalent of the Burger King fries. They're trying a new version every 18 months.

Right. That's their, that's their, their AHAB white whale, like they can't make, they can't make the lettuce and tomato. The best they ever came up with was the simplest idea, just stick the lettuce and tomato in the quarter pounder. They're already ordering it. So just put that shit on the thing you already have and then, you know, and I think that's where they are now, right?

Or is there another big fat burger they're trying to sell? They've got some Angus one now. I can't remember what it's called. Is it Angus just the most popular beef cattle? That's a thing, yes. There's really no, there's no predictor on how good or quality that meat is, right? It's one of those things that just adding an, like a specific adjective makes something sound classier than it is, but Angus is the most common cattle in the U.S.

That's just sky-mall thinking, you know, like fine-cast bread, it's a plastic fucking ape. That's what you're selling. Why do you, precision-sculpted fine-cast, you know, it's a plastic monkey, right? That's what it is in the picture. I think more people know the Angus thing now, but I think the one that fewer people know is rock shrimp, which is the exact same thing. People say, you'll read like on a prefix menu, it'll say like rock shrimp, and it sounds

classy, but that's just the most common form of shrimp. Right, okay, good. So, all right. I never had, I don't know if I've ever had rock, I'm sure I must have had. You've had shrimp, so you've had rock shrimp, yeah, you ever had to, because if you've ever had it in fried rice in a Chinese place, you were eating whatever the cheapest thing was. There we go. Yeah.

I've definitely had rock shrimp. If the shrimp cost under $7 for whatever the whole thing was, you've had rock shrimp. Now, I want to say that, so like I said, I have a history with Burger King. When I was younger, that was, there was one not too far from my house, and I would go there a lot, and when I tried the Whopper, when I was older, Whopper with cheese, I fell in love with it. They had dessert there, they had the apple pie that they would heat up and was warm, and they had onion rings, and it just, there was a lot of stuff.

Even my friends, my Quincy friends and I would hang around down by the Burger King in Quincy. This is kind of where we all hung out, and we'd get in fights with Milton kids. Milton kids are the snooty kids on the other side of town, and that's where they would all get into fights. Not me. I would always be far away from any fighting. In fact, there was a time where they got into a fight, and they threw one of these kids, Sebastian, who was one of my friends, he was a crazy guy, they threw him through the Burger

King window. Really? Yeah, like one of those big glass windows, and it broke, yeah. And so, I, you saw a guy get thrown through a plate glass window? He got thrown, yeah, yeah, he got thrown through a plate glass window, and it didn't get messed up too bad, but he was a tough kid. But I, there was a Quincy Milton fight, and I got, the cops came, and this was right down by Burger King and 7-Eleven that were next door to each other, and I ran, and I got into

a car, and we drove away, and then we were a few minutes into the drive, and I looked around, and I was like, oh man, I got into a car with all Milton kids. You got it wrong, get away from me. I got into the wrong car. Fuck those guys, right guys? And they were like, after a few minutes, they were like, hey, who the fuck, this Quincy guy's in the car, and I had a friend from Milton in the car, like I knew this kid, because I got, my freshman year, I got sent to private school, and this kid was like, he's all, and

they were all like, let's beat the shit out of him, and stuff, and the other kid was like, he's all right, he's all right, he's not a bad guy, and they were like, gonna beat the shit out of me, but then they just, they dropped me off at like a corner, and I cried and walked home. How old were you? I was like in ninth grade or something like that. Okay. Yeah.

What, you think I was 30 or something? Yeah, it was like last week, dude, just fuck those guys, every night time I go back there, I would destroy some of those high school kids, no, actually that's not true, but. There was a Burger King in Evanston that was open all night, and so all of the high school kids would pour in there around like, I don't know, one in the morning, just drunk hordes of Evanston, and my high school had like 3,000 kids in it at that point, and there was a full-time cop doing security, like, because it was just line after line, it was a massive Burger King, and it may still be there in Evanston on Sherman Avenue, so, and when the

Humpty Nance came out, and he said, I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom, that became our high school anthem, because we were always in P.K. every weekend, you know? Such an odd brag, too, because it's just a filthy situation. Right, yeah, well, that's why it's funny, I mean, everything about Humpty is meant to be against the like, I'm a cool guy rapper for some reason, you know? I got busy in a Burger King bathroom, I just probably ate some food in there one day, when I wasn't allowed to sit with everybody else. Yeah, no, I've, so, you know, Burger King is, it's close to my heart, and that was kind

of the one I went to, my friends and I would eat there a lot, and even when I was younger than that, they had the Burger King's Kids Club, and that for me was like, you, I don't know if you were as many of these gimmicks, but yeah, that was huge, Burger King's Kids Club was- Well, I'm old enough, I'm 41, so I'm old enough to remember that 1970s, early 80s, commercials where they tried to have their own cast of characters to go against McDonald's. Oh yeah. So there was the Duke of Doubt, who was their sort of bad character, who didn't want you

to eat the Burger King or stole it or I don't know what the fuck he did, but he was, so the Burger King was the Ronald McDonald guy, and he was essentially that same Burger King that's in the weird commercials that they did a few years ago, but he was more cuddly and happy, and then he had the Duke of Doubt, which was his adversary that was always trying to make, I don't know what he was showing doubts in their minds, like maybe you should need a giant pork beef fucking heart destroyer, I don't know. Maybe the Duke of Doubt's were good and healthy. The Duke of Doubt is a superhero.

Also, like Doubt isn't such an abstract concept to appeal to kids, you know? It's like, here's the Prince of Aspiration. It is very abstract for a nine-year-old, it should be more like the Duke of You Don't Get Burgers, yeah fuck that guy, like that would be, you know, more easy for a child's mind to grasp. That's so bizarre. If there was like a commercial campaign now that had the Duke of Doubt, think of how fast they'd be fired, like it doesn't make, it's so insane.

Can you imagine Don Draper going, and what do we fear? We fear Doubt, we want certainty, like whenever, I'm imagining a later, older, 70s, burned out Don Draper, pitched the Duke of Doubt campaign. I haven't watched Mad Men, but is that the finale of Mad Men? Yeah, it is, actually. It all leads up to the Burger King Kids Commercials campaign. They also resuscitated the Duke of Doubt when they had the BK Kids meal tie-in with the Meryl Streep Nun movie.

It was the toy you would get. You know, speaking of the BK mascots, the BK Kids Club was a big thing, and I have a little picture of the BK Kids Club here. I'd forgotten all these guys. Mitch, I think you're a little bit more familiar with them. Lingo, Kid Fid, Kid Vid rather, IQ, Wheels, who was the one in a wheelchair, Jaws, I can't even read this one. Can they stop doing that?

Making the wheelchair kid be called Wheels, or like, can we just stop doing that? That's terrible. We'll throw in a disabled kid, but we'll define them by their disability. Not only by their disability, but by the thing they must rely upon to try to live a regular life. The fucking newsies was called Crutchie, like, can you stop fucking doing this in general? It's so bad. It's Boomer and Snaps.

So Boomer, I gotta say, pretty progressive. Boomer was like a sports nut, and it was a girl, and then Snaps is another girl who took photos a bunch, and then the dog's name was JD. That's the most uninspired dog name I've ever heard. But I remember Kid Vid, if I remember correctly, was kind of the leader. What kind of dog has initials? Like, it's got a long enough name that you gotta... What was that short for?

Justin, David, but, you know, just call me JD. I was a member of this Burger King Kids Club, and I used to get, like, they'd send you like a magazine and kind of stickers and toys, and then my best friend, my best friend Justin Kiley, uh, grown up, he, uh, the two foes are also my best friends, sorry guys, uh, I still could... Beefback and Quincy. How? I'm concerned about this as a 33-year-old man.

Those Milton kids are gonna hear that. I wouldn't have did it. It was the guy from the cop! I love old Quincy guys, what am I talking about, but Justin, uh, Justin got Burger King Kids Club, he still, like, was getting it mailed to him, and he was, like, in college. He, like, might have been, like, the last guy to ever get Burger King Kids Club stuff, and he's like, we went over one day, and we saw it, and he's like, I'm trying to make him stop sending it to me, and he couldn't figure out how to make him stop sending it

to you. Dear Burger King, once again, I received in the mail. I thought my previous correspondence made this clear, but as I am now 20 years old, I am no longer interested in the escapades of Boomer and JD, please discontinue your coupons and prizes. Thank you. He, he, they sent it to him forever, and it was funny, like, a lot later than I thought that it even existed, but, um, but look at that, they, they really, that, that whole

bunch was definitely, uh, it was a very degrassy, Clint Nair, you know, a cabinet that looks like America, you know, like, very much, uh, you know. And what they all had in common, that they all ate burgers, I guess, is what the kids club is all about, like, the wheelchair guy, and the, the black guy, and the girl who likes football, and the video game kid, all eat burgers. The only one working those calories off was the sports girl. Everybody else, that shit, like, the guy in the wheelchair, the video game guy, the photographer, they ain't doing shit.

It would be interesting to see, like, the kids club now, and they would all be... The Burger King adults club. Three of them are dead. JD is definitely dead. That's a great Key and Peele type sketch, like, to, like, have the reunion of the kids club. I mean, I know that gag's been done with the peanuts gang and the fuck, but that's, that's ripe.

The times are ready for the kids club. I would like to see what the kids club looks like now. They're probably not doing well. No. Well, JD is definitely dead. JD is dead. Well, they've spent some heart attacks. Yeah.

I mean, let's, let's, uh, they've been eating Burger King since they were fucking nine. Like, that's not, uh, a sustainable life plan. And I, I, I'm guessing IQ... Is it IQ? Yeah. He's a vegan now. The smartest one of them. It's like, I've already done so much damage that even regardless of whether I want to eat

me, I can't. I simply can't. Um, let's get into the food a little bit. So, uh, John, do you still eat at Burger King with any frequency? Is this an occasional treat for you? I really don't eat a lot of fast food anymore if I can help it. I'm, I'm my body no longer, because like shit, man, when I was first starting to eat Burger King, I played high school soccer, so I would, I would put down a whopper and a chicken sandwich

and the fries and the, you know, barrel of fucking Coke that you got and not even think about it, like and still be a skinny little shit, you know, but that is not possible at my current age. So I will eat it every now and then, but basically what, what, when it is time to eat a fast foodie, garbage-y meal, Burger King will be my choice. Like that's what I, I would, I will drive past the Wendy's and the McDonald's and the Carl's Jr. to get the whopper or the chicken sandwich. It's going to be one or the other.

Those are my two favorites. If I don't want to eat a lot of calories or I'm in a hurry, I will grab and sometimes if I'm on my way to the, when I used to live in WeHo on the way to the Metro, there's a Burger King right before the Hollywood Highland Red Line. Yeah. Yeah. So I would go in there sometimes and get the regular hamburger and which I like, but there's something about the regular hamburger that there's so much, that hamburger should

be called brace for mustard, like that really, because the amount of mustard they think is appropriate is, it's like a choules of mustard, like the explosion in your mouth. Mustard is to the Burger King regular hamburger, what mayonnaise is to the McDonald's chicken sandwich. Yes. So much of it that you don't know who in the corporation was the taster and goes, yes, that amount. That's right.

That for the whole world. That's the amount. But you know what? I kind of, when, every time I'd eat a McDonald's Burger King cheeseburger, I kind of appreciated you get that mustard kick and I was like, oh, you don't really get that. Like when I eat a McDonald's cheeseburger, I like a, you don't, you don't get that little flavor boost. You know what I mean?

It is, it makes it different. It's a, I get the regular whopper, no mayonnaise, no cheese. So just ketchup, pickle, tomato lettuce, onion, bun, and flame broil. I like the taste of the frame broil burger enough. I don't want a lot of gunk all over it to interfere with that taste. Or I will get the chicken sandwich, but with the chicken sandwich, I will have to wipe three fourths of the mayonnaise off the top because it's, it's in, it's too much. I don't know what it is.

It's got a bit of that McDonald's issue. Yeah. Or it's like, guys, guys, guys, a little bit of mayo goes a long way. Yes. For sure. Subway also, you should also be listening to that. Too much mayo. I gotta say, I, I'm probably someone like me was in the focus group that approved this

because I am on board with the fucking dollop of mayo. Really? Give me that quarter cup of mayo. I'm totally on board. But do you feel like when you just feel a mayo explosion in your mouth and it's just mayo, a sea of mayo? Yeah. That, that crunch of the crispy sandwich juxtaposed with like that jelly donut feeling

of a bunch of mayo or not. Oh, I don't want that. I don't want any jelly in my sandwich. I don't get like egg jelly all over my mouth. Like, I don't want that. I'm, I'm in for it. I like all the mayo, but I understand it's not for all tastes. Um, I do like that.

Yeah, I'm just describing the thing that I like. I mean, it doesn't mean shit. It's just what my one mouth out of fucking seven billion people thinks is good, you know. I, I, I don't mind. So one of the sandwiches I got today was that classic chicken sandwich, the long chicken sandwich. There's like pepper in it somehow, the pepper, the breading or some shit. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's well done.

You know, it, it, it was definitely heavy on mayo. I was surprised by how kind of plain it, like in a good way, like it's just like, it's this long chicken strip, mayo and lettuce on this little bun. And that's it. Like I thought that there were pickles on it, but I think I just know there's no, you can get it like the Trader Joe's ethnic aisle. Like you can get the marinara one. There's an Italian version.

There's a, I used to love that marinara one. And I remember when that was kind of like, oh, we're having the marinara one come out. And I thought that was a really tasty sandwich back in the day. Yeah. My girlfriend loves that. She's like, that's, that's all that comes up. I think it still comes around every so often and that was like one of the things early on that I was like, oh, Burger King does, I felt like they push stuff a little more.

I was like, oh, they have like a little chicken parm Italian sandwich and, and uh, and that's kind of a, you know, the thing that's drawn, like a draw me to Burger King. And even still today, what they, they still do, they have a little bit of that Taco Bell mentality of, uh, with, especially with this new Halloween whopper. Just throw it out there. Maybe somebody will like it. Yeah. Six months will make a different thing.

Yes. Exactly. Yeah. And I always, I always love holiday gimmick food. I think it's always fun to have a shamrock shakes, shamrock shakes are fun. And then this Halloween whopper, I love to see that is on the Halloween whopper. So I actually got one of them today. It's an eight, they bake a one into the bun.

And so it's a black bun. And then there's a one steak sauce on the whopper and then it's just like a regular whopper. Just an a one whopper with a gimmicky black bun. Yes. Exactly. So let's be clear. Like there's no way that black coloration is coming solely from baking some a one into

it. Oh no. There's some sort of chemical. Oh no. There's, there's 20 Chinese newspapers in every one of them. Yeah. To get that black. It is a very, it's, the bun was weirdly, yeah, it was really like a, like a, like a,

like a black licorice black. Did it taste good? Yes. Actually, I thought the bun tasted good. Like what did it taste like on its own? Just like a little bit of that bun. A little bit. It tasted kind of like a, like a, like a one was baked into the bun.

There's really, there was no other way to, to really describe it. I mean, there was also a one on the burger. Did the whole thing just take like a mouthful of a one? It was really tasty. I, I, I, it, it, it, I like a one. I'm not, I'm just, it wasn't, it wasn't too tough to like a one is overpowering. It wasn't. It wasn't too, it wasn't too overpowering.

I actually, the thing that, to me, that was, I got a single and I wish I'd just gotten a double because I hadn't had the Whopper in a long time. And, and if anything, the meat did get a, maybe a little bit lost, but it wasn't overpowering with they want it all. Like if I got like a regular Whopper, maybe I would do it with the Whopper. A one sauce to me is like, if Tom Morello's in the band, like you know it's him and all you can listen to is Tom Morello. Yeah.

Like it doesn't matter who the other people in the band are like, oh, it's, he's doing that weird, soundy thing he does. Yeah. There's no way to, I think it's like A one's a very solid, like high quality sauce that can kind of, in certain situations, you know, like, like you got like a mediocre steak or just a burger you want to kick up a little bit, like it comes in handy for that. And it's very distinct. You're absolutely right.

I also like to like the name A one, are we talking about best foods earlier, like these brands that harken to an earlier, do you know why it's called that way? Why is that? It was originally made in the 19th century for the King of England. Oh, wow. And he ate it and he went positively A one and they put, that was their marketing forever. That's great. But the King of England said it was positively A one and they said, fuck yes, and they put

that on the thing. That's it. And that's been around just since, oh wow. Yeah. Yoshinoa is from the docks of Tokyo in the late 19th century. Like it's crazy how far these things go back sometimes. That's, that's insane. I had, I had no idea.

I didn't know, I thought A one was, you know, it's something of the last 50 years. Now it's something they made for the King two centuries ago. It's, it's, yeah. Is that also the origin of a royal crown cola? Yes. He goes, this is like my crown. Yes. We're market only in Chicago.

Yeah, I enjoyed it. I like the Whopper. I'm, I'm with you. How were the fries? The fries, my fries today were really, they were really, really good. I, they, they, uh, talk to me. I haven't had, they, they, that, that, the kind of the, you know, when they made that change and they put the, the breading, it was almost like, you know, like their chicken

nugget breading or something was on top of these fries. Fuck their new nuggets, by the way. They're shitty McDonald's imitations that don't taste good. I, you know, I, I, I, I used, I didn't get any nuggets. Say I got chicken fries. So what does that taste like? They weren't too bad in the shout out to Daniel Cabaret, who I used to date. She loved chicken fries and she told me, she was like, you have to get them.

Is that weird to, to shout out an ex-girlfriend a little? Yeah. I guess it's okay. Right. Sometimes your exes mean a lot to you. No, that's great. Fuck you, why? No, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Just like in the context of like, you're associating it with this side at a fast food restaurant. Maybe, maybe she, maybe she won't love that. Honey mustard makes me think of my honey mustard. That's my memory of all my loves is connected to some sort of, uh, What were we eating? Ugh. All my loves? What the fuck am I talking about?

Um. It's all the fries I've loved before. Those are, those are the things I love most of all. We get a cease and desist order from Danielle ordering us to delete this podcast. Uh, yeah, you said I liked chicken fries. I don't know what that's all about. I don't know what. She was a huge chicken fry fan and she got, she kind of got me on them.

And I, I, I enjoy them and she used to get them in Evanston. Oh yeah? Oh yeah, yeah. Probably get that same fucking Burger King that I, uh. I'm sure, I'm sure of it. There was only one other one. There was no, it's two. There's one on how, who cares, Evanston Geography.

That's, that's, that's, that's an interesting thing too because that's back in the, that was like one of the first, uh, 24 hour fast food places. Yeah. It was a much bigger floor plan than a typical Burger King has. Okay. There was a whole front thing that was closed off by glass where you could eat out like with the sun coming in, but it was right in the center of Northwestern's campus. So they knew there was never going to be a moment where somebody hadn't been up with

studying or drunk or waking up early. Like that wasn't going to want to get Burger King, you know? Yeah. Yeah. The chicken fries are, they're good. They're, they're, I missed the spicy chicken fries, which would have been nice to try. But, uh, they, they, uh, yeah, they, they got a nice little taste. How much of that do you think is chicken of the, in the fry?

How much is it actual? Like, I feel like they're designed to be kind of more like a crispy. Like, like, yeah, but you do, you do taste chicken, but when you bite them in half and you look at the cross-section, it's pretty thin. They're pretty thin. I got a, I got some chicken fries on my recent visit too. And I would say like they have less chicken than a mozzarella stick has mozzarella. Like, it's a breading delivery system.

You kind of bite into it and you've got like some narrow strands of white meat chicken. They're not bad, right? I mean, they're not bad. They're not bad. They don't go fries over what you're describing. I would too. That doesn't seem. Yeah.

I mean, I would say like they're kind of like, they're trying to come up with something to distinguish itself from the nugget, I feel like. It's like, oh, we've got this tube shape. We're making a tube. Yeah. It's just a little weird. The nugget is, I know already, like that's not a real like food. That's its own like crazy process thing.

But it feels enough like a, like a, like chicken meat that you can. This is a restaurant that makes nuggets in the shape of Burger King crowns. Yeah. And for a while was making them the shape of the rug rats. So like they are fully on board with the fact that this is a processed, silly thing that we're going to play with. For sure. And I think, I think that the chicken fries were an attempt to be both easy thing to eat

on the road. They're these things that you can pull out. And also, yeah, it's a part of that, that Burger King charm. But there's a lot of defenders, I think, of the chicken fries. I think a lot of people like chicken fries. You think that's their killer app right now? Is the chicken fries? I think a lot of people really like chicken fries.

They make a big deal every time they come back. I think there's a market for chicken fries. Is it still on the rotation? It's not on the menu yet. It's, it's, it's, I think it's in. I think they're in now. They're in. Yeah.

I think they're a part of the rotation. But I mean, some of that stuff with Burger King, I mean, is, is what makes me like that place. It is a fun place. The one I went to today had like a couple icy machines. I'm like, oh, I never see that in a lot of other restaurants. Yeah. Really. And, you know, you give a shout out to your ex.

So I give a shout out to my, my current, I guess I should say. What the fuck? I say current is weird to say. Your pre, this is a shout out to my pre-ex. Yeah. To my wife, the love of my life, Natalie. There you go. Whoa, good for you.

Yeah. She, she would always get the Coke icy at Burger King. Oh, nice. That is actually like a really, really good item they have there that they don't have at other fast food places. And you usually will think of like, oh, I'll get a shake as a sweet treat. That Coke icy is really good. My girlfriend gets those for her mom there.

Yeah. Like she knows where you can get them and it's 7-Eleven and there. That's it. Really yummy. And, you know, I like that 7-Eleven Coke Slurpee too, but I think I'd prefer the Burger King Coke icy. What's the difference? I think it's, they're very similar, but I feel like it's just a little bit more consistent

at the Burger King. The one at the 7-Eleven, you never know what state the Slurpee machine is going to be in. If you're going to get something that's a little bit more soupy, a little thinner, you know. I mean, that Coke Slurpee is really good. It is really good. Yeah. If we're going to judge a 7-Eleven by the state of the hot dog rollers and apply that to the

other things in the place, then yeah, now go to the Burger King. I got to say the Burger, I mean, the crown you could wear as a kid, Burger King Kids Club. Then when I got to college, I remember like, you know, the king, this weird guy. I never really loved the king when he was the new king and he was kind of like this weird guy. The weird, edgy, weird guy. Yeah. Kind of like, and now that's every single commercial, but Burger King was kind of one of those places

that did it early on. Yeah. Our commercials are really strange and weird. We're going to pioneer this kind of self-aware identity. That's a specific ad agency that did that. And then they also, a lot of it, it's that agency, like they also did the little lad for Skittles. Oh, wow.

Like that is what that agency does. And so that Burger King, I forget the name of them, my friend Pete works at Everett Sizing with. That was so successful that it wasn't just that they did the concept. They hired those guys and they did way more ads. Yeah. Yeah. I almost feel like it was a bad trend because now no commercial is serious.

It bumps me out. Like when I see like VHS tapes of like commercials from the 80s or something, I'm watching. This is a good product. You should buy it. I should. I love that. I miss that sincerity. It's kind of, I don't love the way that the, like the King and all those commercials.

Hey, fucker, you want some shit? Maybe. Well, then eat it. Yeah. Everything is a joke. Yeah. Everything has to be some sort of joke. And I like, I like sincerity sometimes.

I like, yeah, I'm with you. I like the earnest mascots. I liked, you know, the California raisins. They were just like a bunch of raisins sort of like singing songs and they weren't like self-aware. They weren't like acknowledging like, like, we know we're raisins. We know this is random, you know, like they weren't like kind of commenting on their own existence.

That was your favorite. They're still foods that want you to eat them, which I've never been okay with in all of advertising. Like the happy victim of you is a very strange person to advertise the product. I think the raisins got away. They were so good at singing that they didn't have to get eaten. So then they, they were, they were, they were like a sensation. That was a hell of a stressful audition then.

Like if they was either that or you go in the box, like you either going to be floating on a kid's raisin' brand's phone, or you're going to nail this Motown cover. It's up to your next three minutes. Weigar, also California raisins, still your favorite musical act, right? There's a, also to, you know, you mentioned like the food that wants you to eat them. I think though, for whatever reason, like I find that easier to understand and handle than the food that's like afraid of being eaten. We were at a Buffalo Wild Wings and we talked about this on a previous episode of the podcast,

but there was like a poster of a chicken who was like strapped into a car seat against his will, like being taken off to his death and he was like, had this horrified look on his face. They gave you a vegan pamphlet before they gave you your chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like that's such a weird thing or, or like the, the Chick-fil-A marketing where it's like the, the cows that are like eat more chicken, like we don't want to be eaten. They're weird collaborators with the humans.

No, he's the other, the other man. They are not men. Yeah, no, I, I, I, I, there, there's advertising like that annoys me, but in college there was like a tender crisp, tender crisp bacon song that I like, me and my college friends liked it. It made us go and like it truly worked. Do you remember it? It was like, I like the tender crisp, they grow on trees or something, they pull off

a tree. It's very much like what the whole spice commercials are now. And, and it truly got us to go get one. And they had like Kong triple whoppers that when the King Kong movie came out, it was like the Kong triple whopper and we were like, we're going to, it worked on like 10 dumb college guys. We all were like, let's go eat that food. It seems fun.

And it was fun. They did, they did a good job with it. I just don't like the, the progression that happened in all of advertising and it kind of started off there, but, but it worked on me at one point in my life, you know, just like I'm sure the old spice works on some younger kids right now, you know, that's I'm sure all those commercials work. It just, just give me, have the King talk to me one-on-one, let me know that I should go eat his burgers.

I'm like a damn good burger here at Burger King. Yeah. Give me a serious King. I think you'd like one. Give me a serious King. I would rather have that now. You know, speaking of our meals, so you had the A1, the Halloween burger, I got the A1 ultimate bacon cheeseburger, which is a very similar concept.

It just has a normal bun. I actually ordered the A1 smoky bacon tender crisp, but was handed the A1 ultimate bacon cheeseburger and decided not to make a stink about it. Already point against Burger King. They did not give you your order correct. Yeah. They fucked up my order. But it was like, it was like just a few degrees.

It was like the, the different protein where I was like, I'm not going to make a big stink about this. This is fine. This is an understandable mistake. You hit the wrong A1 thing on the menu. I understand it. Pretty good. I'm going to give a little of A1 to it.

I feel like the, you're right, John, that, that, that whopper patty is pretty satisfying. That's what they felt like they had there. The bacon, I don't know. It felt like a, I don't know what it really added or rather, I don't know if it really fit into this concept. It was just sort of like, here's this A1 burger and then we've also got some bacon on it for you. It just felt like a, like not something that actually integrated itself into the dish.

I think bacon on a burger feels like the surf and turf. You're only getting it because it's like, we gave you all everything expensive. Like it seems like the guy who's going to go and bacon, it's just a guy who wants a pile of shit on his hamburger and doesn't feel he got the full experience unless it's got the bacon on there too. I like it if it's done well, but I will also love just a plain whopper, like a regular whopper. Like a, if, if it's like, oh, it's a Western bacon cheeseburger, I'm like, okay, this is

the style of that burger and I'm going to get the western bacon cheeseburger. But like, I'm not like always looking to add bacon to my burger, you know what I mean? And I think that you hit on something, what I was kind of trying to say, which is that the, that's like in the concept of the burger, that's built in the concept of the burger. This is a bacon, this is the Western bacon cheeseburger and that's like a key component. Whereas here it just kind of felt like this is its own sort of thing that we just slid some bacon on and it just felt like an add on. It didn't feel like an actual key component of it.

Gotcha. I also got the, we, did you eat it all? I ate it all. Oh yeah. I finished everything. Sometimes it's so underwhelming that you'll eat like, you know, most of it, but then not even, you know. Well, not me.

I think that that's a big, and I think that's why Burger King might get a bad rap. I think Burger King's quality from restaurant to restaurant changes a lot. I agree with that. Absolutely. More than it should. Yeah, it's way more than it should. You can go to a really bad Burger King and I don't know if you can go to a really bad McDonald's.

Well, it's just so, McDonald's just seems like so much like conveyor belt food that you're getting all the same stuff. Like I've gone Burger King and it's been like ice cold and like everything I've gotten is like cold. I love Burger King, but I will agree with you on that. Or the tender crisp is scalding hot. Yes. Like you can't even bite in it for 10 minutes.

Yes. It's almost like a Gordon Ramsay sort of thing where you're like, ah, this is too hot. You heated it up in a microwave and it's like a thousand degrees and like you'll, like Well, the Burger King regular hamburgers is always microwaved. So you got to worry. Like that's a microwave thing. Correct me if I'm wrong, anyone out there, but it always tastes like they just microwaved it.

Yeah. Whereas the Whopper really does come off that conveyor belt and so, you know, or it should unless they made it four hours ago. Yeah. Yeah. I would say I agree with you, John, in that there's a lot of variation in terms of Burger Kings and there isn't really necessarily a bad McDonald's, but I feel like you will sometimes be at an anarchic McDonald's where it kind of feels like, oh, like the embassy

is about to fall. Yeah. You mean that nine bucks an hour has not motivated them to sufficiently fight off the insanity of the neighborhood they're in? Yeah. It's just sometimes you're in one of those McDonald's and you're just like, oh, well, the food I'm going to ultimately get is fine, but this is kind of an insane experience right now.

But yeah, the Burger King is like, they vary so much that I found myself in it, whereas at the LAX Burger King and it was just my one option. I was just like, I was going to get on a plane in like 20 minutes. Oh, in the terminal that's just a Starbucks and a Burger King is all they have? There's just a Starbucks and a Burger King. Those are your only options. I had like a flight in 20 minutes. I was like, fuck, I just need to eat.

I'm going across the country and I was just so like, I hadn't needed this burger. I was like, this Burger King in the airport is so likely to not be good and I was so worried about it and then I got up in there, I got that long chicken sandwich and it was fucking great. Yes. And that was like a very satisfying like surprise, but it's also like, ah, that uncertainty is just very unnerving when you're, you know, queuing up at a Burger King and that you're not familiar with.

I will say this, but about eating Burger King before you got on a plane and I told Nick this a little bit. The one thing I will say about Burger King is it really, and you know, this is a thing with a lot of fast food. It really sits in you and I never really usually want to try to eat it before I got on a plane because it can just feel like a brick sometimes and today I had a little bit of that. One thing I do like though about Burger King is that you can get the Whopper Jr. and it's the same tastes as the bigger sandwich and you're getting, there's no mini Big Mac or

mini quarter, like you're either going all the way or you're not. You listen to McDonald's? A mini Mac sounds great to me. Yeah. It's not a bad idea. Same size as the, but you know what? The Mac Patty is the same as the regular, they've just doubled it up and threw the middle bun in there.

Yeah. But a mini Mac would be a little tiny. Yeah. A little sliderty Big Mac guy. You know, while we're on the Big Mac, Burger King has its Big Mac clone. The Big King. Which I think is pretty great. I also agree.

I think the Big King is good. Well, it reverse-engineers the McDonald's weirdness back to a regular hamburger. They get the middle bun out of there. They use the Burger King lettuce, you know, like, so it's still Thousand Island and Pickle and lettuce, but it doesn't, it doesn't have that strange middle bun. What is that all about and why is that such a big part of like the Big Mac? Because the Bob's Big Boy did it and they, every McDonald's menu item is a fucking uncredited rip-off.

I can't have this any longer. I won't let you all attack the Big Mac. But I'm not attacking. I'm just saying it's not their idea. Just the way the KFC Twister is the snack wrap and the fucking southern chicken sandwich is just the Chick-fil-A. McDonald's is just an IP, but there's no IP laws in cooking, so you're like, yeah, we made it too. Fuck off.

There's way million more of our stores. Yeah. The McCafe is there. It's just like Starbucks was a thing. And they're just like, okay, we're just going to do that now. Yeah. They're just like the Borg. They just assimilate all the other fast food into their own McFlurry as the Dairy Queen

Blizzard. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, it is. Every one of their signature items that's been rolled out except the Shamrock Shake and the Nuggets is some shit somebody else did. Stop. You're lying. You're all lying.

I will say that I feel like a lot of people are like, oh, the Big King, it's just a Big Mac rip-off, and that's kind of a great thing to remember. It's like, oh, yeah, the Big Mac is a rip-off. I kind of also like how Burger King is like, yeah, you know what? It's the Big King. Who gives a shit? There it is. Fuck you.

Yeah. We did it. Fuck you. We got it. We did it. It's like a Big Mac. It's a Big King. The King is in there.

It's a Big King. I like that. I also like how it's just a complete dog whistle to the guy that wants the Big Mac. Yeah. Oh, that's what I want. Yeah, I think that's genius, like, oh, yeah, we're missing that burger you like over at the other place. No, we got it now.

Here it is. You can have it too, and it makes everybody happy. And I'm with Nick. I think it is good. It's really good, yeah. I remember when it came out, and I tried it, and I was pleasantly surprised, and I really, really enjoyed it. I just couldn't.

I ate it, and I liked it, but I'm like, yeah, I still want a Whopper. If I'm going to go there, I'm getting the Whopper, or I'm getting the chicken sandwich. Like those, that's what I'm doing while I'm there. If you've got your go-to, I feel like nothing ever satisfies, nothing scratches that itch once you've got your thing that you want to have. You know, like anytime I'm at Del Taco, I got to get those deluxe chili cheddar fries, because if I don't get that, I just feel like I haven't gotten my Del Taco. Every time I go to Del Taco, I got to get to a Taco Bell, because somehow I wandered

into a Del Taco, and I need to leave. Oh, man. Oh, shit. John. I have a place that has so little confidence in their Mexican food that they think they have to back it up with a shitty burger and fries. I need to get to a Taco Bell, which is somehow more authentic than another Mexican place. That shouldn't be possible.

Nick is about to hulk out right now. Del Taco, some guy when I moved to LA was like, you got to have it. It was so bad. I wanted to drive back through the drive-thru and go, good one, guys. You got me. Oh, wow. Give me the real tacos. Nick is about to turn green, then green.

Wow, how can you like it? He's going to turn greener than a Halloween whopper, post-Halloween whopper shit. What is good about it? I will listen with open ears. I think the fries are great. I think the tacos are really good. I like the crunch of the taco versus the Taco Bell taco. I think the taco shells are superior.

I like the taco meat more. I like the, I really like their burritos. I like the beans better than the Taco Bell beans. I just feel like each of their individual components, I will take over Taco Bell if we're going to have a- I just feel like this is where it just becomes like, your mouth is different than mine. Like, you know, like there's no, because what you've said is all like, unquantifiable. Of course.

Like, there's no- This is all like, this is 100% opinion. I mean, that's the nature of the podcast. That said, I think Del Taco's pretty good. I feel like I'll stick up for Del Taco. It all just tastes like a tube of goo to me, man. I don't like Del, I think it's too, just like, it's like when I eat a bite into the cheese, the cheese and the beef shoot in my mouth like a caulking gun.

It just, I don't, I don't like it, and I don't like their fries. I think it's, they use too much oil and they just soak them to death in that oil. Oh, I like the salty crinkle cut fries. I also feel like- You know what, I'm excited to see the fist fight between John and Nick in the parking park. AKA John kicking the shit out of Nick. I think you-

I think you're rolling into a ball. You saw better fights with the Quincy kids. Yeah, I think that was, you're gonna, no one's getting thrown through a glass window by either of our arm strength. No. I know you were relating to me to the Hulk there as John was ranting against Del Taco, but honestly I was just like, just getting really sad. Or what are you just thinking about, eat some fucking Del Taco and after we get out of here.

Well clearly Del Taco is doing fine. Even in a city with the best Mexican food in the United States, somehow the Del Taco chain has managed to stay alive on every block. Well you know, I'm from Southern California and they're just like omnipresent and so cal. And I think like part of that is too, like I feel like so many so Cal kids grow up on Del Taco and just want Del Taco. I just can't believe when like actual Mexicans are going in there and you're like, they're

fucking up everything you guys did. Like why would you patronize their store? I loved Taco Bell and I think I would maybe say Taco, but I also am a Del Taco supporter. I hate to say it because I love you making Nick sad. Well look, I got the dirtiest looks in the world when I went to San Francisco. And declared honestly that the Chipotle is better than the mission burrito that it ripped off. Like I really think it's a better burrito. John, this might be our most controversial episode.

Like I went, I'm like, I know you guys did this first, but they have like quality control. Like I just, I didn't know what else to say. And I know that if I, if some fucking fast food Italian beef came out as a Chicagoan, it would defend me. I get why they were mad, but I had to call it like I see it. You know what I'm going to say? Fuck San Francisco burritos. I'm all about the Los Angeles and Southern California burritos.

San Diego is great. That fucking, that San Francisco mission burrito is overrated. So I got behind you too. Sorry San Francisco. Please still listen to the podcast. But at the same time, fuck all of you. I quickly want to touch on when I also mentioned it when, when I was talking about Nick getting green, but a lot of people have complained about this A1 whopper that has been turning

their bowel movements green. And I would just want to say like, well, who cares? Like who cares? Like sometimes bowel movements are green anyway. First of all, second of all, like you're eating a black bund whopper. What do you, like, what do you expect? Yeah. Also, who's looking at their Burger King number two?

I say run, leave that by, you don't want to see. Don't look back. You know, like who's checking that out? Like we know what you did. You know what you did. Like just get out of there. I mean, some, it's, it's, it's a little, I kind of like a, it's like, hey, like it's turning people's poo green.

I'm like, who cares? I mean, I don't know. I can't get behind that. I think it's a little weird, but also I don't want to turn this in, like this is a food podcast. I don't want to turn this into a fucking shit podcast. Yeah. Somebody's got, somebody ordered Burger King to listen along with like, you know, like

somebody like at home and he's like, geez, stop. They're like mid bite in the long chicken sandwich and then just threw it in the trash. This is a part of the conversation. It doesn't have to, it's not the shit podcast. All food does, all food must pass. I mean, there is no, yeah. I get where you're saying, I think it is a little weird and I think it's worth, because it's just so startling.

Like I feel like people know about the, it's asparagus, right? People know about the asparagus effect on urine, but I think this is a thing. This is a new food stuff as strange as it is. I don't think you're expecting that it to be transmuted in your body in such a specific way. Suck it up. Talking about the rest of, so I mentioned the chicken fries. I got those with the ranch sauce, the zesty sauce, which I think is like a Chick-fil-A

derivative sauce, certainly tasted and looked like it in the buffalo sauce. What was that sauce, the zesty? Zesty sauce. It's just like a, it's a lot like the Chick-fil-A sauce. It's kind of like a light pink sort of mayo. I've never had a Chick-fil-A sauce. I eat Chick-fil-A naked. Just give me the chicken and the pickle and the butter.

Yeah. I don't even need any fucking sauce. It's kind of got like a, it's like a little bit of a tang to it. It's kind of got the consistency of mayonnaise and the color of Thousand Island and it's kind of got a little bit of a horseradish tang. It's pretty good. That was good with the onion rings I had as well. I also got the small fries.

We talked about the fries. My wife went with me. She got the extra long jalapeno cheeseburger, which I thought was pretty good. That was one of the things that looked pretty tasty on that menu. I can't do jalapeno burgers. It doesn't. They can mess with your stomach sometimes for sure. It doesn't.

My wife loves like super spicy. Really? Okay. The onion rings. Crispy, greasy, soggy, good. I like the bikini rings. They're a little soggy for me. They are definitely a little greasy, a little soggy, but I think they're good and I like

the size of them, which is a big thing. You go to Carl's Jr. and they get these big ass, not quite frisbee size, but they could fit around a softball. Carl Jr. thinks size is just Trump's everything. We make the biggest thing ever, then that's better. I don't get that. The rings are too big. I'm getting sad.

They're cumbersome and they're hard to dip. The BK ones are very dippable. They're just very easy and they're bite-sized. They're almost like calamari-sized. Yeah, they really are. They're nice and compact and I really like that about them. You get them in the fries every now and then too. The way they've got the two heat lamps, they're close enough to each other that we would

always usually like, oh, I got a ring in your fry order, sometimes you get some spillover. Oh, I love that. If you get an onion ring in your fries, man, that's a sweet little upside. You get a nice little treat. It's like getting a toy as an adult. That's enough for me to, like, that turns a bad day good. Like if I have an onion ring in my fries, all right, thanks for looking at it. Fuck this parking ticket, I got an onion ring.

Well, that's kind of pathetic. The other thing I got, and you know, I mentioned the coke icy, which I think is a good dessert there. The red velvet Oreo shake, which was just such a weird, just such a weird shake. Like it didn't have much Oreo character to it. The red velvet color was like just really startling. Like it just looked like a, like a ground up red crayon. It was just like way too red.

And then the flavor of it was just so hard to place. Shakes don't need to be a bunch of vague combo. Just give me a pure flavor of a shake. You know what I mean? We don't need the three flavors in one shake. Give me chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, banana, just one clear note. I can get behind that. I, you know, if there's a fun slurpee I like to try, like a different flavored slurpee,

but I'm not going to get it. But doesn't that just end up with the default setting of sweet, like if you mix three slurpee things together, it's just sugar, that's all you taste anymore. That's fair. It's like a big mouthful of Skittles, like you don't know anymore. Yeah. I want a big chocolate or vanilla shake, I'll usually keep it plain. You know, I have had some stuff where it's like a cookie dough shake or something where

they've added stuff in and it's good, but the classic always works for me. But if it was cookie dough plus peanut butter and chocolate, now it's just like, I don't know, too much shit. Too much shit. I agree with that. So for my meal, I had, like I told you before, I had that A1 Halloween Whopper. So my travel to Burger King was kind of, you know, it reminds me of Burger King. Sometimes things just don't work out when I go to that fucking place and even though

I love it so much. But I went to the first place I went to, their power went out because it was 100 degrees in the valley today. So their power went out. I had to walk over to the supermarket across the street and then when I got there, I realized I had cash in my pocket. I came back, they didn't have the Halloween Whopper, so I left and I went to another place deeper in the valley.

I was trying to get to that back to the future Burger King. There was one that he like skateboards by, but I couldn't find it. Wait, so the power was out, but they were still operational, but their credit card machines weren't working. The credit card machines weren't working. Yes. And so I left, drove deeper into the valley, was looking for that back to the future one, didn't find it, found another one, but I was happy I went to this other one because it

was a more updated Burger King. And it was really fun in there. Like I said, it had an IC machine and it had those Coca-Cola machines where you can have all the different flavors that you want. And I got a Fanta Grape Zero Soda. Oh, that satellite jukebox of Coke that they have now. Exactly. Which is also kind of back to the future.

And I got a Fanta Zero Calorie Grape Soda. It was cool. I mean, it's not going to be on a regular spigot. So I was like, this is great. I got to have a grape calorie-free soda and I loved it. I do find myself paralyzed by choice sometimes at those touch screen machines because they've got just like hundreds of combinations, hundreds of options. Would you like Brazilian crush?

Yeah. No. Yeah. They can be tough, but especially if you've got something in mind, you're like, oh, sweet. And they have so many low to no calorie options that it's pretty great if you want to do a diet soda. Sure. I got the Halloween, like I said, the Halloween Whopper Meal with A1.

I got a single. I would maybe get a double next time just because it would be a little bit more meat. It was good. And the A1 wasn't overpowering and the bun was actually good. And the fries were really great. They don't have any of that breading on it anymore. They were nice, hot and fresh and crispy, salted really well. I was really surprised by the fries.

I think it was the second best thing I have besides the Whopper. Wow. I got to redo the fries because I've just been not getting fries when I've gone. I've gotten the tiny, I'll either get like a shake and a burger or like, you know, I'll get chicken and then a tiny little burger and then no, you know, but I haven't, I'll try them again. They were good. I mean, you know, it could have, this Burger King I went to seemed like they were kind

of, they were firing on all cylinders. And I got that original chicken sandwich because I'm like, you know, I'm a big fan of it. I didn't eat the whole thing. It was, it was actually a very hot. And I was surprised by how simple it is. Yeah. This one was just, it was, it had that little case of it being just a little too hot. It was a little.

I think that was microd, too. I feel, because it's not grilled. So anything at Burger King that isn't flamboyant well, how are they cooking it? Yeah, I don't know if it was fried or if it microwaved, but it was, it was, it was fucking hot, whatever it was. And it was, it was more simple than I remember, but it still was kind of a classic. And I love that. I love that Italian one.

The, the, I think that's the perfect chicken sandwich. And I know it's, it's even more Pringles-y in process than what it should be. And it's still better. Like somehow it's just better. Oh yeah. Yeah. No, it's, it's, it's, it's good. They, they, they know what they're doing with that thing.

And they've kept it the same way forever. So amazing. And then I also, I got those chicken fries with the side of ranch. And they were, they were good. They were, they were all right. They, they weren't the best thing in the meal, but I, I enjoy them. And the ketchup was out. So they gave me packets and they had cool silver packets.

And the place was decorated for Halloween. They had decorations up on the back of my chair. There was a little spooky skeleton or something like that. And I liked that. I, I, like, they did a good job. It was fun while I was in there. I was, it truly was a fun little, and this was a better Burger King, but it was, I was enjoying myself when I was in there.

And even despite the fact that the other one I went to, things kind of fell apart. Like I said, the card machine wasn't working. They ran out of the buns and they were retarring the parking lots. So the entire restaurant smelled like tar. It sounds like your, your experience, like your sort of journey this day was kind of like a microcosm of the uncertainty between different Burger King locations. That's proved everything you said about Burger King when the whole podcast started. Yes. Yeah.

It, it, it, if I ate at that first original place, I think I wouldn't have enjoyed it. I ate at the second place and I did. I, I enjoyed it. It was, it was, it was a good meal. And I, I, I'm like you, I like the big king and that jalapeno long burger looked good. And I used to love the apple pie and the onion rings. There's just a lot of cool different stuff you can get there. But then I also remember my mom saying when she was younger, she got onion rings at Burger King

and there was a cockroach in them. And that's something that stuck with me forever. And I just feel like that's Bert. It's the places. It's a ying and a yang. Cockroach story for every restaurant that you've ever, you know, it just, it just, it's a place that's close to my heart. But then also I'm like, oh, this could be gross.

Like it's, there's such a ying and a yang to that place. I have bitten into cold woppers and it's not fun. And then you're like, well, all right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

It's, but overall, you know, I was impressed. I was impressed with the fries. I was impressed with the food. I, I, I enjoyed it. I, I had a good, I had a good meal. Let's, let's get to our closing thoughts on Burger King. So this is how this will work. We'll go around and we'll sort of give our closing arguments, if you will.

And then end with your score on a scale of one to five forks. So just sort of sum up what you think and then give a rating. So we'll start with you, John. Well, I would give the items that I love, the original chicken sandwich and the whopper five forks. I think they're, they're very well done. But I feel that the other items and the quality control of the restaurant can drag it down a little.

So I don't think I can give everything you guys have been saying about the inconsistency of the restaurants is true. But the, the quality, how much I love their chief items. Like, you know, Eddie Van Halen is great. Alex is pretty good. The other two guys are middling at what they do. But Van Halen, what are you going to do? You know, so I feel like the whopper elevates Burger King to a four forks

when perhaps if you, some of the other things and the consistency and the quality control are not at that level, I think you basically have an average of three and a five and I'm going to give Burger King four. Very fair. That's very fair. I so like I said, I this place is close to my heart. I the quality of it, though, is it's such a sliding scale from restaurant to restaurant. I feel like it's it's a place that like has struggled with like a what

its identity is and and and it's it's tried a lot of gimmicky stuff. And to me, I'm with you. It's the home of the whopper. The whopper is a great burger. If you're in the mood for it and you get a good whopper, it's a really, really good fast food burger sandwich whopper with cheese. I love it. And I like some of the other stuff at Burger King, too, but I can't deny

that sometimes I'll if I go to the Burger King on Hollywood or I think either Sunset Boulevard or Hollywood Boulevard, I've had a lot of bad meals. Well, it's weird that their liquidation consortium that bought them is not running it well, like really, there's there's a predatory capital firm in charge and the quality control is slipping weird. I I mean, but at the same time, like that whopper is so good. It's so good. It's so good.

Nothing tastes like biting into that flame broil thing with the pickles. And to catch up, there's no other tastes like that in fast food. And no other tastes like that in the whopper of the sandwich itself. I'd give probably a four and a half or a five. I mean, it's it's it's up there and I really enjoy it. My advice to Burger King is stick with that whopper, make your fries normal and have some quality control over all those restaurants. And this this pains me to do because I love the place.

And I want to maybe we'll revisit it because Burger King's a big one anyway. So it's it's part of the big three for a reason, right? This is this is one of the main three restaurants for a huge reason because it's successful and the food has to be somewhat good. But for now, I'm giving it three and a half forks and it kind of pains me to do so. Sorry. Who are you apologizing to? Everybody, Quincy, to the Duke of Doubt, the Duke of Doubt. He's doubting is the Duke of Doubt has I have succeeded.

He gave it a three and a half. I want to doubt in his mind. I'm apologizing to myself almost because I wanted to give it a four. I like I like Burger King. I would say it's a very solid restaurant in general. But what we all we talked about in terms of the quality vacillating is just a thing to keep in mind. We've we've covered that ground, but it's certainly a thing of, you know,

I had a bad Burger King near an office job I worked at for a couple of years. And that was just frustrating that I always went there any time I went there. I knew it was going to get a subpar version of of this particular chain. I definitely like and this is a thing we mentioned, but I and this is such a small like weird thing to fixade on. But I really like that they have a long bun that they have sandwiches that come on longer buns like that. Just there's something very satisfying about eating that long chicken sandwich

or eating that long extra long jalapeno cheeseburger. And other places don't really do other places don't have the long button. I feel like, you know, like that's a that's a thing in their favor outside of the whopper. That said, there isn't anything that necessarily compels me to go out of my way to go to a Burger King. John, I know you like the whopper, Mitch. I know you have a whopper fixation for me. It's just sort of the whopper is good, but it's not a thing that I'm going to go

out of my way to pursue. And for that reason, I'm going to give Burger King a middle of the road three fork rating. All right, three three and a half taco review. Just for just to wait the scale here. I'd give Del Taco for all right. So I can't review Del Taco the Burger King episode for God's sake. I just want to know for it for no, not you, John. I'm yelling at this fucking idiot.

What was I supposed to do? Not answer our guess question? Yeah, I just meant when you read a pitch work review and they're like this suck. And you're like, but what do you like? Oh, you like that? Well, then fuck that. You know, like that's all I'm saying. You can certainly if you if your taste don't align with mine, if you just detest Del Taco and worship Burger King, then that's fine. Just you give you all my future reviews through that prism.

That's the nature of criticism. While people are really going to be sitting on the edge of their seat during our Del Taco episode, you already blew the fucking end. Why are you telling who Kaiser Sosei is? All right, that's our review of Burger King. It's time for a regular segment. We've got a food stuff and we're going to determine if it's worth putting in your mouth. It's snack or whack. Mitch, what's today's snack?

We're going to evaluate today's snack or whack. It's a little bit in the the season right now, even though, I guess, October has just ended. But I hope you guys all got spooked on Halloween. Oh, it was a spooktacular with all the boys and ghouls. We've already established that we're recording this in advance. So you're talking to the audience, I guess. Yeah, I'm not talking to you.

You thought you wanted me. You want like, did you think that I wanted you to pretend that Halloween had happened? That's what I thought for a second. No. And also, you just ruined the fucking Del Taco review. So maybe you can bleep that, though. And you can have him bleep it, but you'll probably know from my reaction. There's no way to know he didn't say two. Yeah, we should bleep every.

I like the idea of bleeping it. They say there's a podcast pro we got here. Knows knows how to fix the episode. Yeah, I bet around bleep machines before I had it there. You used the equipment there. It's a real simple brass yes. You just put the noise over what he said and you don't hear it. I hope we I want to just bleep Wiger's everything he said this entire time.

All right, we've got these pumpkin skies pumpkin spice. This is good old packed and peppered farm high end cookie munching food. I love this is the pumpkin spice Milano. I love so I love the regular Milano's. I do the mint Milano to me is cookie perfection. Oh, OK, I love I like the double chocolate more than the mint. I like I like the orange ones. I think we all eat at once.

We all like different ones. Feel free to dig in anytime. I'm correct. But so pumpkin spice obviously is a it's all the rage. And and the you know, it's the season for it. But I don't know how this is going to translate into the Milano. There's you can see a little bit of an orange just cream here within the cookie. I'm out. I'm not into it. Hmm.

I don't hate it. It's still the great peppered farm cookie, which is always well made. But the pumpkiny thing, I can't taste any chocolate. I can only taste the pumpkin. And I don't see why this needed to be pumpkin. Like, except for the fact that it's October and everyone's pumpkining up fucking everything.

I don't know why this cookie had to exist, except they wanted to stick pumpkin and everything. It's a cash in on the pumpkin craze, for sure. You know, I mean, it's not bad. It's nothing I would order again. Yeah, I think it costs like nine bucks a bag. I think that's about where I am with this. I mean, you're getting the pumpkin is as pumpkin spice goes.

It's pretty subtle. A lot of times when you get a pumpkin spice, something the pumpkin is so forward. It's like the way Baskin and Robin's interprets making something taste like it's hard pumpkin in your face. Totally, yeah. And this is kind of the, you know, this is a subtler version of that, which I appreciate. It's definitely a Milano.

I like the Milano cookies. I like the different iterations of it. But this would probably be one of my less favorite. One of my bottom of the wrong Milano versions. Yeah, it's not too overpowering, but then also it's just powering enough that I'm like. It still tastes pumpkin-y in every bite. So if you don't want pumpkin.

And look, again, I want to say, like, it is a peppered farm cookie. It is moist and it's a well-made cookie. They don't fuck around it, but it's too pumpkin. I don't know. It's a funny thing of like with this, you know, with the angry whopper or something, something we were talking about earlier. Like, oh, a spin on a classic and it still can be good. And I mean, even with Milano's, like you were saying, you like the mint.

You like the orange, which is weird. It's grosses flavor. And I like the double chocolate. And it's like, oh, you know, this classic can have a bunch of spins on it. But I just don't I don't know if that if the are if the pumpkin spice works with it. Yeah, I think if you like if you love pumpkin spice, I think you're going to like if you love where are you guys on pumpkin in general? Like do you eat pumpkin bread?

I mean, it's so weird to me that like when I was a boy, I didn't think people ate pumpkins like I like I like I didn't think that you ate the pumpkin pie. I knew of. But I was like, oh, it just is like a weird, sweetened kind of cinnamon-y pie. I didn't I didn't know that it was actually like it was just orange. So it's called pumpkin pie. I honestly don't know if I really even knew that like there was pumpkin in it, but I was dumb.

But like I never pumpkin is just such a weird food to me. I enjoy pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie, but that's where it ends. Like I don't need other tastes to be invaded by pumpkin. Yeah, pumpkin bread is maybe my favorite. It's like, oh, this is a nice little kind of interesting little twist on like a baked bread and I like it and it has a nice little sharp taste. But I don't know, I fucking we're in the midst of a pumpkin spice Renaissance and I'm not having it.

Like just get all that crap out of here. I'm with you, John. I just pumpkin pie is enough pumpkin bread, fine, all that other stuff. I just we don't need it. We don't need this. We don't need these Milano cookies. I'm giving these a whack. Yep. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and do that.

But you know what? That's in a world of a lot of shittier cookies, but it just didn't do anything for me. Yeah, I'm going to say whack as well. It's you know what? Some of this pumpkin spice craze is making me dislike pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread more. And that's that's not right because that's that's that's not fair to those two. Those two are kind of a they're proven and they're good. And and and now I'm like, I don't want to fucking taste that.

Is that a guilty by association? Is that a better quality cookie than a bunch of shit in in the cookie aisle of a gas station or an eventing machine? Yes, it's still Pepperidge Farm. But compared to their other products, I'm going to have to go whack. Yeah, whack. All right, three whacks. Sorry. Yeah.

If you love pumpkin spice, you might be into that. But overall, I think we're we're in agreement. Nice, nice packaging, though. Little fall package. It's a beautiful, you know, they've got a classic aesthetic. They do it right. Just like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Ethan Wisegarber.

Ethan Wisegarber, rather, Ethan writes, as a young boy, I was always very hesitant to take food back to the cashier when they flubbed up my order. My parents were always quick to complain. And even though I thought I would just grow up and learn to complain more openly at eateries, I still try not to return erroneous orders out of a fear of seeming too prissy or like a complainer. What is your policy and incorrect orders? Do you feel comfortable complaining to a server slash cashier?

I mentioned earlier that I just sort of took it when they gave me the wrong burger at Burger King. I think that's just kind of how I kind of what my policy is. Like, whatever they give me, I'll use the guy when the Uber dude like almost drives into a concrete wall. You're like, well, it's his job, five stars, I guess. Yeah, I don't think I've ever given a Lyft or Uber driver less than five stars.

I just do it every time, just out of habit. I'm just like, ah, fuck it. I don't want this guy to get fired, you know, whatever my right experience was. We prop Nick up in his chair because he has no backbone. I will go ahead. I'm not an asshole about it, but if I got the wrong thing and I paid for it, I will ask them for the right thing. I don't, I don't think that's a dick move.

I was a waiter. I never was offended when the guy told me to get to next. Oh, yeah, we got you the wrong thing. Like, yeah, sometimes I'll just eat it if I'm OK with it. And I'm like, well, we'll take too long to get something new. That's usually when I'm like, we'll just take too long. But for the longest time, I feel like I was afraid to say anything. But if they give you the wrong...

It's not like you ordered a slow cooked paella and they got to go fucking back. And be like, it's right back behind the guy. Yeah, it takes 10 minutes or something. I think you're right. I think when I was younger, I was how like Nick is now, afraid of my own shadow and wouldn't say anything. But I think if they give you the wrong meal, you have the right to say something. Don't be like, hey, dick.

Like, but just like, excuse me, this, as you see, this is chicken. And I mean, like, it's not, I don't think that's too bad. Yeah, and I don't think anyone ever really gets too upset about it. And you don't want it for free. You just want the next thing, you know, like. I think as far as like saying something with service in general, it takes it will take me. I remember when my dad would get like so mad, but you'd had to be pushed so far

with like just besides the food being wrong, like anything else in service, you'd have to you'd have to you'd have to push me a really, really, really long way. Pepper in your water while they looked right in your eyes. And yeah, it would take me a really long time. But like to ask like, hey, is our food that you know what I mean? Like, it has to be like, oh, it's been like an hour or you get your food and it's cold after you've waited 45 minutes, stuff like that will make me be like, hey, my food's cold and I still will never make like a big deal about it.

But if I'm going to if I'm going to if I get the wrong meal, I'm definitely telling him I got the wrong meal. If I'm going to complain, I get to be pushed a long way to come. My friend, James Domey, maybe, you know, we were at I'm not going to say the name of the place, but we were at a place in LA that's at least an LA chain. And he got a piece of metal in his food and he went back and he went to the woman behind the counter and he goes, yeah, there's metal in my food. And I have never seen a less interested party take that news.

And she goes, yeah, it comes from this grill thing here. Wow. And it just sat there and she goes, you want to come back and you can get a free one. It goes, oh, free metal. Like what? Like, I never seen the legitimately awful complaint where you're biting a metal. It could have taken your two thousand and the lack of any interest. What like, well, what can you do? The world turns around.

You know, like, I couldn't believe it. Shit happens, buddy. Yeah, that's when I was at the airport. I got a La Brea bakery sandwich and I bit into it and there was either a rock or something metal and it hurt my tooth so much like it like I think it may have cracked it and I never went to the dentist once after that. And that they didn't say anything, so I think it's fine. But like that is the worst that was the worst feeling and like I was afraid

eating stuff after that because I was afraid I was going to hurt my tooth. And if that happens and I work and I worked at that place, I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'll talk to my manager. You're all your meals are free. I think I would go the extra distance if you have something actually like a just was a lawsuit city and she was like, well, I get off in an hour. So yeah, it amazes me because like the thing as someone and I've never worked in food service, but I did work as a customer support rep for Activision,

helping people with video game bugs years ago, people that went the wrong way and pitfall, you know, you have to go the forward way or you die and you cheat because you come around at the other side of the obstacles. Activision's Atari 2600 catalog. No, this was people would have like bugs in their games and they would call it up. And then you could always disarm people so much just by being overly apologetic, just being like, oh, my God, I know that is so horrible. I'm so sorry, sir.

That is that is unacceptable. And once you do that, any even someone who's hyped up will like calm down and mellow a little bit. And it surprises me that customer support people are sometimes just so blasé and just like don't give a fuck because I think that actually just makes your job harder. I agree with that. Anyway, I think the consensus, Ethan, is it's fine to return, but also if you want to be a little pussy boy like me to see whatever you're having, that's fine.

If you'd like to be a pussy boy, we'll have some other options. If you have a question or comment about the World Chain restaurants, you can email us at doboyspodcast at gmail.com. Follow us on Twitter at doboyspod. Check out our Facebook fan page, just do boys. John Roy, thank you so much. A spirited discussion. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for sharing your love of Burger King. Is there anything you would like to plug? Yes, I would love to let people know that I have a podcast called Don't Ever Change, which we need to get you guys on. We just it is an hour long interview with people about what they were like in high school. That's it. That's all we talk about. And we've had Dan Harmon on and we've had Camille Nonjani and Kyle Kinane and Aparna and Nonchilla and Beth Stelly.

All these great guests we've had 75 episodes. It's on Feral Audio. Just look right down on the big page where you listen to your dough boys and you will see my picture and Don't Ever Change. And just click on that and and see what you think. If you hate it, just click that same thing and then it's over. That's all I asked you to do. So that's that. And then also I'm John Roy comic on Twitter.

And and then my website is Johnroylive.com. And that'll tell you, you know, how to and you can just Google me and watch me on Conan or at midnight or any of the things that I've done. Awesome. All right. Yeah, great. You thank you so much. I'm so glad to have a guy who really cared about Burger King. I do. It's and I appreciate that. I think people need to step.

I don't know when it turned over to where people thought it was gross, but give Burger King another chance. Go out and try a whopper, see what you think about it. Yeah, I definitely endorse that stance. That'll do it for this episode of Dough Boys. Until next time, for Mike Mitchell, the Swoon Man, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating. See you.