Doughboys - Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s 3 with Alana Johnston

Episode Date: January 18, 2018

Canadian actress/comedian and the self-anointed “Knife” Alana Johnston (The Birthday Boys, UCB) reviews her first dining experience at Mitch and Wiger’s beloved Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s. The trio try out some murderously spicy jerky in another edition of Hot or Not.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you're going to credit one person, the modern chain restaurant owes its existence chiefly to Ray Kroc, the hustling, traveling salesman who entered into an uneasy partnership with the McDonald Brothers to take their hamburger stand concept nationwide. And Kroc's closest analog in the hospitality sector is a man whose more sonorous name became his brand. Conrad Hilton, a New Mexico native who, after serving in World War I, became a state legislator for the land of enchantment before turning to the private sector with dreams of owning a bank.

When that fell through, Hilton hatched a fallback plan that would become his life's work, purchasing the Mobley Hotel in Cisco, Texas. After success with that location, over the course of the 1920s, Hilton opened eponymous ends across the Lone Star State, and while the Great Depression nearly destroyed his fledgling business, he came out on the other side with eight hotels and a coastal expansion plan. As his chain went nation and then worldwide, Hilton himself turned into a symbol of wealth and glamour, marrying actress Jaja Gabor as the middle of his three wives and becoming

famed for his philanthropy. Today, Hilton's business legacy includes nearly 600 hotels in the 85 countries. But the other part of his legacy is less estimable. His heirs, a murderer's row of tow-headed fail-sons and daughters who serve as poster children for drastically raising the estate tax. In a particular twist of the knife, Conrad Hilton's namesake, his great-grandson Conrad, who looks like a fraternity pledge killed in a hazing incident, is perhaps worst of all, having been arrested countless times at just the age of 24 for Grand Theft Auto,

drunk driving, drug possession, violating parole and restraining orders, and for repeatedly screaming at a crew on an international flight, I am going to fucking kill you. Hilton's most famous heir is of course his granddaughter Paris, who starred in one of the first breakout celebrity sex tapes, which ex-boyfriend Rick Solomon leaked without her consent, and whose fish-out-of-water reality series The Simple Life introduced the world to her catchphrase, That's Hot. While personal friends have claimed the empty-headed heiress act is a put-on, and there's a widely circulated story about her hobby of collecting and repairing vintage radios, in 2005 she was

eager to trade on her imaged act as a cheesecake model for a cheeseburger chain, in a famous commercial where she washed a Bentley in a bikini while eating a sloppy sandwich called the rodeo burger. The spot, while a huge success, was made the most extreme example of the fast food franchise's sexist marketing, which made the chain's founder remark that he was, quote, just heartbroken that a company he founded on Christian principles has taken such an amoral act. Today, just as the Hilton Hotel chain is known for its luxury, this burger chain that employed the elder Conrad's granddaughter as a swimsuit clad spokeswoman is known for perhaps being

the most over-the-top brand in fast food. This week on Doughboys, we return, once again, to Carl's Jr. Hardys. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Stocky Balboa, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Stocky S-T-O-C-K-Y, right? That's correct, yes. Jesus, I haven't seen you spelling that there for a moment. What did you think it was?

Were you thinking of, like, celery stalk? No, yeah, because the other stalky makes me seem like a creep. Makes you think, wait, oh, like you're stalking. But I'm not stalky. I was thinking stalking, like... I'm fat. Did I guess just not and say you're fat? Yes, she did.

She wonders and did. She also mouthed it at me. What the fuck? That was courtesy of At Michael Rembold, who perhaps has a healthier assessment of your body type than you do, Mitch. I'm not stalky. I think that's, I mean, that's like a nice thing. Stocky is short and fat.

Isn't stalky like you got like a little... Stocky means short? Oh, I don't know. I don't think it means short. Because I think they say, they'll say, like, when they're describing George Costanzo, they'll say you a short, stalky bald man. I think they're trying to... It's like a euphemistic way of saying, like, you kind of have a sense.

All right, fine. I'm stalky. Yeah, you're stalky. Fuck that guy. Your new friend. I hate you. Boy. I don't like...

And I do like you. Look, the year's almost over. I'm just sick of you. Get the fuck out of here. Right. So, and then just timeline-wise, because I think, you know, we record some of these in advance. You're about to go on your, I think, four months sabbatical.

I'm not going home this year. I'm not going home this year. I'm just not seeing you. You're just staying out here and pretending you're on the other coast. But we're... This is the last episode we're recording in 2017, although this will actually release in 2018. So, a nice little time capsule here.

2018, you think you'd make it here, Lager? Well, you think what? Did you think you'd make it to 2018? Oh, here in 2018? Yeah. You didn't think you would make it this far. Boy, at the start of this year, I wondered, would we ever see another year at the start of 2017?

I was like, will we ever reach the age of adulthood in year terms? We've watched the 2000s become legal. We did. Ooh, Nick. You're going to be turned on this entire year. What? Is the 2000s are about to turn barely legal? Actually, yeah, that doesn't work, especially with the way that I make fun of you.

You should be sad that it's turning legal. Anyway. Howdy-how, Dispune Nation. And here's a little drop that's appropriate for our guest today. You'll see why. As soon as it plays, zzzz, plays, god damn it. Well, you'd like to see things spring. Spring from our lawn.

Yeah, from your loins. Yes, Holly. I'll spring off alone. No! Oh, big boy, baby. Oh, god. I get horny just thinking about it. It's a little thicker.

It doesn't have to be super thick. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Jesus Christ. Whoa. Chiz City. And that's the most elicit substance of all. Ooh, I love it. I know.

Oh, you love it. It has an interesting aftertaste. Oh, boy. Super yum. Super yum. That's fun. But it was fun. That was a fucked up perverted one.

Really horny. Really horny one. Yeah, that was too horny. I should have screened this one. We're starting off. We're starting off horny. This is a horny show. This is a horny show.

This wasn't my fault. We're talking legal years. You got a horny, horned up drawing. Well, we can blame this on Mike Brewster, the man who sent it in, who sent it in. I really enjoyed this pad, what? I really enjoyed this pad. And I know. Is that a typo?

Does he mean pod? Yes, I think so. I really enjoyed this pod. And I know really, Holly really, very much wanted to drop. Is he trying to mock your accent? Is that what he's doing? I don't, I don't even think so. Hashtag Spoon Nation.

Maybe he just liked a pad. His name, and he says thanks. Mike, yeah, yeah, I don't know. Whatever. Who gives a shit? Thank you, man. He liked the pad that he was writing the draft of that email out on. We don't have to figure it out.

Let's introduce our guest who's funny. Yes. She'll help us, she'll help dig us out of here. Uh, she's, you know what she'll help us do? She'll cut us out of here. Oh boy. She's an actress and comedian from Madam Ruin's Everything, right now, Capow and UCB. Alana Johnston.

Hi, Alana. Just call me the knife. So, Alana, a lot of our listeners don't subscribe to our bonus episodes, The Doughboys Double, which is when you first introduced yourself to our podcast. And you, was this a nickname that pre-existed or was this one that just came up in the recording this episode? No, it was just for the episode. It was just for the episode.

You ended up calling yourself the knife throughout. Yeah. We are subsequently- No, she called herself the knife on an everyday, but what do you think? You think that she had the nickname the knife? I don't know, it's possible. It's a cool nickname. What's wrong with you?

It's a good name. Yeah, it's a cool nickname. I mean, she cuts people down to size. Oh, Nick, you should have seen before you got here. Thanks. She was- The only thing I can't cut down to size is Mitch. Speaking of stalking, stalking does not imply short.

It just implies thick set, sturdy, heavily built, chunky, burly, strapping, solid. You just got debunked. What are you reading that off of? What's your source? Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com. No, just-

Dot.ca.canada. You wish. You wish you could- You know what, Stockey is a compliment because I have a buddy named Stockey back in Quincy. Oh, you do? You have a buddy with a dumb nickname back in Quincy? Oh, Stockey, he made one of the videos for the show back when we were in the suburbs? Yeah, I like Stockey.

Stockey's a good dude. You asshole. He listens. Is he single? Stockey, no. He's married. Sorry. Great.

I only date thin guys. Got him. Knife. Wait, you're happy he's not single because you only date thin guys? Thin guys? He's thin. Really thin. Really thin.

He's thin. Deathly thin. He's not deathly thin. What's going on? Nick, you look- you look- you look stone. This is a weird- we're at a weird- we've got a weird vibe in here. Hey, you guys are- You guys are the ones that started the podcast of horny as hell.

I didn't make it horny. It got horny. Yeah, I did. I said it's turning- it's turning legal. And I made a joke about you in there. You were the one who kind of were leading us there. Let me go- let me go on the record here. It's not a weird show.

It's a fine show. Well, it's fine. It's going fine. It's going fine. Yes, that's a fair assessment. It's going fine. He's in a mood today. No, I'm alright.

I came- here's what happened. I went to see so- Alana, I was at our- I was seeing the Doe Boys media accountant. Oh, Jesus. Look, he's not an employee of the company. This is strange to tell us. No, he's not an employee of ours. He's just a guy who like does our accounting and because we're- He works in the Doe Boys building downtown.

Yes. You know, the Doe Boys district? Incorporate, yeah. Right, right. But he's a nice man, an eccentric man, but he made me some Turkish coffee. Oh, yeah. Had a cup of Turkish coffee. Oh, so you're losing your mind right now.

I'm jacked up. I've said that you looked high, but you have this huge grin on your face. You're like in turbo coffee mode. Yeah. It's a combo of- I'm super charged with caffeine and then also I've been nibbling on these tendies as we've been recording. So I've got- Stop calling them tendies.

And as part of what the chain that we're reviewing this week, I've been nibbling on those. So I got that caffeine high. I got all the- and then I'm weighed down with this heavy food. And then I also got this sugar high from this vanilla shake I got over here. I do feel a little crazy right now. I'll tell you this. I'm a fair bag, which everybody rudely does not bring up. So I am very familiar with Turkish coffee.

It's like drinking caffeine tar. Right. And it's so good. I love it. You get some sugar in there, but like it's no- it's like it makes cold brew seem like water. Yeah, it's insane. It's no joke.

It's tiny little cups. That's all you need. Yeah, there was like some thick residue at the bottom underneath. It was like the amber that you find a mosquito in that's got dino DNA. It was like so- it's just so crazy. But yeah, I feel- I feel a little intense. That amber from Jurassic Park. He's intense and he's accusing you and I of being the reason.

I was saying I feel disoriented and I was perhaps projecting that onto you, but it felt like a weird energy to begin the show. That's all I was saying. Your heart is beating. Yeah. Okay, what I'm gonna do- Is it a flesh heart? What I'm gonna do to ground us is be the most subtle I've ever been.

Oh, wow. It's just gonna be really soft, creamy. Jesus. I don't like this either. Now it is a weird show. What was that? Ew, I wish I were dead. I tried.

I truly tried. Alana, so people who listen to your appearance, your much loved appearance on the Doe Boys Double know a little bit about you. But for people who are perhaps being introduced to you for the first time, you are a Canadian. You're from Canada. We talked about Canadian food a little bit on the Doe Boys Double. But one thing I wanted to zero in on with you here is you have a-

And I don't know if this is necessarily unique to you. It's perhaps something that I've noticed with other Canadians, but you have a fascination with American food. Where does that come from? Okay, I'm so glad you asked. So here's where that comes from. It's because in Canada, we didn't- The majority of the restaurants and fast food chains you guys have, we didn't get.

Right. And like most things, Canada is like anywhere from six months to five years behind on everything. So it was like when you guys got- Let's just even take a store. When you guys got H&M, it was like five years later, we got one H&M, and there was like a lineup around the corner to go in and buy clothes. So it's like everything comes to us later. So American food, like we would watch TV,

and there would be like American shows that were bought. So there'd be some like American commercials, like if you had like satellite and stuff like that. And it would just seem like the happiest families, eating the yummiest food, having a time. And that just wasn't in the cards for us. Why? It's so cold and unhappy up there. What's the deal?

Because all we're eating is oats. Oh, you eat more than oats. Oats, poutine and female bacon. Poutine is one of the best. It's a great- Well, I am happy that it's not down here. We've talked about this before. Well, we talked about it because we ate those poutine chips

on the snack and the whack, remember? And we said they were snack, we liked them. They were good. The poutine chips were delicious. But I can't just be having poutine readily available all the time for me. No, because you'll eat it. Yeah, I'll eat it. Like I eat it, like it's just, you can't help it.

It should be treated like a controlled substance. It's highly addictive. It should be treated like Turkish coffee. Absolutely. We're watching Nick lose his mind today. I'm doing all right. But yes, I have a fascination with American food because everything you guys have is big.

Everything's king-size and that's your regular size. It's king-size. Right. You know what I mean? So it's like, it just seems like it's so much. And because it's in American dollars, it all seems cheaper. Yes. Even whatever when you do the conversion,

but at something you're like 99 cents for this chunk of meat. Like it just, oh my God, you guys have so much more fast food. I mean, my God, as a country, you're paying for it in terms of health. But like, I'm just telling you guys, it's, I love it. I truly love the options down here. You know, a lot of them truly making me sick, but glad I have them. Really, really am.

What has been as you've lived here, how long have you lived here now? Six years. Six years. Wow. I think I had booked a better gig than this. Oh boy. Here we are. You consider this a gig?

This is my gig of the year. I booked to the last episode in this episode. This isn't a gig? Hey man, tell it to my agent. My God. We didn't book this through your fucking, is it a Canadian agent? It's me. So technically you did go through my agent via text.

Like I get all my gigs. Nick, are you seeing some pink elephants right now? Are you tripping out on this coffee is my question to you. Elephants. I thought that's the best. I drank a drunk from a cartoon in the 1930s. I'm a bow-legged raccoon with a bow tie. I was trying to drink a bottle that marked XXX.

What's, what's like a trippy? What would be you be seeing in a, in like a tripping sequence? Like Alice in Wonderland. That cat. Oh yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

The caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. Oh yeah. Oh boy. That guy likes the reefer, eh? Oh my God. Yeah. See? Oh, he tripped it.

Do you know that Freddy Krueger one time took on the shape of the caterpillar? Freddy did? Yeah. And Freddy versus Jason. I don't remember that at all. I've seen Freddy versus Jason. He took over like a stone, like a stoner kid. He went into a stoner kid's mouth.

Oh wow. And then he, and then he, and then he got killed by Jason. Hmm. Yeah. It's a little Freddy versus Jason. Spoiler. It was probably shot up in Canada if I had to guess. Yeah.

You don't have reverence for the movies that are shot up there? Well, I wouldn't give to have been a part of the production. But are you a horror movie fan? Love scary movies. Do you really? What's your favorite scary movie? Oh, you know what I really liked? I really liked Insidious.

Oh, interesting. It really scared me. It's got a red devil. I didn't see it. Like a literal red devil. There's a red devil in it, which does scare me. But there was a lot of like spooks. It was very like jump out of your seat.

Haunting had a lot of spooks. Here's the thing. Most horror movies, the ending ruins it. It goes without saying. But like, oh, I liked the ring. That was very scary. I like things that really keep me on edge. The ring is great.

Like cocaine and stuff. Like what? Cocaine. I was going to say. I never have. I don't think you could have cocaine. Oh, please. People do cocaine to be me, bottom line.

No question. No question. It is true. Your energy. I was wondering if you could sit through a movie is what I was thinking just a moment ago. Oh, yeah. You'll get me in there.

Yeah. But I'm very excited to talk about the movie. Right. That's what that's what I was thinking. And I watch a lot of movies at home so I can pause them. And you just saw the last Jedi. Spoilers coming your way. Let me tell you.

Oh, yeah. Put it in the title of the episode. Hey, you know what? By the time this episode comes out, if you cared about what happens in the last Jedi, you care about avoiding spoilers, you should have seen it. That's what I'm saying. If this is coming out 2018, please. Yeah.

Please. Yeah, you've had enough time. What was it? What was it? What did you think? I was so glad you asked. Okay. Here's what I thought about the movie.

I liked the other Darth Vader guy. Kylo Ren. Sure. And the girl chatting. Ray. Ray. Loved those chats that they had. Yeah, those are fun.

I thought those were really great. But it's like, what are you doing with my mind? Meeting of my mind. It was so much fun. I thought that was nice. Nice connection. I thought she was going to go with them. There was like a second where I was like, oh my God, they're going to do it.

And I wanted them to. Love wins, guys. That's what that phrase is. So anyways. But some things are more important than love. My biggest problem, well, absolutely. My biggest problem was Skywalker. Is this guy not dead yet?

I mean, he's going on and he's like, I can't help you. And he's like scurrying around on rocks, but then keeps looking over and being like, but what is she doing? Like I was so over him. I was so over the last scene with him. I was, he was very cool. Without saying the main one. But then this old Houdini disappearing act.

Okay. If he comes back, I'm going to lose my shit. I don't know how many more of these guys are popping out. But anyways. Yeah. What's her name is dead for completely forgot till after. Oh yeah. Carrie Fisher the actress.

Yeah. That's a bummer. Right. And clearly it was like the narrative they had set up was relying on or was expecting her to, you know, not to be alive. Because there was a chance where she could have died in that movie. Right. Yeah.

And then with the Luke thing too, it's I was like, yep, this is it. And then it just didn't happen. Right. Well, maybe there, maybe Disney will have some CGI version of her, which will be completely disrespectful for the next movie. They did that in Rogue one and I really didn't like that. Yeah. It's a bad idea.

Yeah. But I don't think they'll do that. I think they'll figure something else out. We'll see in the scroll of the, what is it? The opening crawl. Crawl. Thank you. The opening crawl.

Yeah. I remember my opening crawl. What's that? I came out with mama. The doctor put me on the floor. That was my opening crawl. You weren't crawling right away. There it was.

You weren't crawling. You weren't an instant crawler. What are you talking about? Mitch is saying, okay. So opening crawl. You know when the big paragraph you got to read at the top comes down? Yeah. They refer to that as the opening crawl, I guess, because it's kind of crawling down

the screen. Yeah. Mitch is using that to refer to his actual baby crawl. Yeah. Right out. To say he's like, he did it right away. The doctor put me on the floor. I crawled into the cafeteria, grabbed a spoon.

Jokes on you. I crawled my way right out of that cervix. No need to hit the floor, bud. You can get right in that tunnel. Clod your way out. You clawed your way out? Clod your way out? You know it.

And guess what? Christ. I was born with nails. Boy, did I show my mom. Yeah, you really showed her. You really literally stuck it to her. The noise. Where do you think the nickname came from?

Good God. We both got our nicknames at birth. Yeah, crazy. What was your nickname? Big fat baby? Yeah. White one? What was it?

White one. I was a C-section baby. Oh, you pulled him up. Mm-hmm. They had to cut her open up her stomach. And then I think I was still leaving. My head was too big even for the C-section. And they pulled out his cinder block.

And then here you go, lady. Yeah, we're going to have this to a D-section. Oh, God. Oh, no, but glad you made it. Nick, you're wilding out today. I was a big baby. You were a big baby. I was like 10 pounds, eight ounces.

Wow. As big as hell. Yeah. The big fat baby. I think I know where a lot of that weight went. Okay. I was bigger than Jesus. You got some screeners coming in the mail here.

Oh, screeners. Can I look at them? Sure, bitch. Go ahead. Yeah, I got you. All right. So Mitch is stepping away to the door. So here, for people who maybe aren't familiar with how Hollywood works.

And I imagine that's most of our audience. If you're a member of one of the entertainment unions, like Screen Actors Guild, the director's Guild of America, the writer's Guild of America, you will be sending this something we've mentioned in the podcast before. They will just send you in Manila envelopes, DVDs of movies that are currently in theaters that they want to get nominated for awards. The reasoning being that if you're in one of these unions, you're likely to be a member of like the Academy.

And so they are trying to win you over saying that like, hey, maybe you didn't see Dunkirk in theaters, or maybe you didn't see what's a movie that's out right now. Call me by your name in theaters where, well, here it is. Watch it on your own, on your TV, and then you'll be more likely to vote for it for awards. Guys. Mitch, what screeners did you get? They're good. They're good ones.

Okay. All right. Mitch's whipping these out. Speak of the devil, Nick. Oh, I was dying to get that. It's Dunkirk. He did get Dunkirk. I never saw it.

I was dying because I heard it was really loud. It is loud. So I thought it'd be too much in the theater. So I wanted to watch it on TV, but I knew it was going to come as a screener. Yeah. And also a book and a DVD of Phantom Threat. Wow. Phantom Threat.

God, I was hoping that was Phantom of the Opera. You were hoping it was the movie from like seven years ago? You know it. Phantom Threat is my favorite of the year. It was great. Now, Mitch, you said the book for our listeners. What that means is that if you're in the Writers Guild, they'll just send you a printout of the screenplay of the movie.

Yeah. Has anyone ever read one of these? Have you ever read like the screenplay for the Departed or whatever they send out? In the fucking trash. They sent the screenplay last year for Martian. Wow. For what? For who?

I don't know. Just so you guys know. Maybe they meant to send it to Matt Damon himself. Just to get back to your guys' drop of Holly Prasoff. That does relate to me because we are best friends. And I just want to debunk something. You guys are like best friend of me. Holly was guest on our Foster's Freeze episode a few weeks back.

This catchphrase for why is actually derivative from my catchphrase for what, for who. So in case you guys are wondering where that got pop in, it is indeed from me. Wow. You just got debunked. You're accusing your best friend of some intellectual property theft. I told her I was going to. You guys seem like good friends. I let her know all the things I was going to debunk her on.

That was the one. Would you guys say you have this debunking? Go ahead, Nick. Would you guys say you have a contentious relationship or is it mostly harmonious, friendship? No, I love her so much. Right. You guys just sort of get along.

We just have the best time together. She's so funny. You guys get along like mashed potatoes and gravy. Sure. God damn it, Wager. You get along like mashed potatoes and gravy. What's wrong with you? Mitch, we get along like gravy and poison.

I'm the gravy. Wait, I'm the poison? Yeah. I think you're the poison. You're the poison. Who do you like better? Mitch. Yikes.

You know me more. I know you better and it's why I like Nick more. Wow. Nice. Oh my God. Come on, Nick's tweaking. He needs this. We're having fun.

Damn. Cuts like a knife. No, no. But it, hey, but it feels so right. Ooh. I told you I was a soft knife. I was a butter knife. She said before, because she was being nice to me before you came.

You're being very collegial. She was saying that Wager doesn't respect my time and so on and so forth. Yeah, but last night on the text room with Nick, you and I were both saying fuck off and get bent to him. You guys are very rude. That's true. Wait, hold on. We were being mean to Nick.

So I was texting you very amicably. I was just trying to figure out what we were going to get from this week's chain so that we could have the order ready in advance. We almost went to Pink's Hot Dogs. It was going to be Pink's Hot Dogs. It was going to be a big pain in the ass. I had never been to, so I was so excited. We can go there at some point.

It just logistically would have been a hard thing to figure out. Can we, Nick? Thanks. Can we? Yeah. Thank you, Papa. All right, here. Here's what the exchange was.

I'll just start at this point in the conversation. Sure. Nick, the Western bacon cheeseburger is one of my favorites. Alana, I'll do, okay, I'll do that. And for a sure, a strawberry milkshake goes without saying. Mitch, LOL, Wager, I prefer vanilla. Mitch, hey, Wager, Alana, help me out here if you want. Shut the fuck up.

Alana, I'll go ahead and knife that. This is not the purpose of this group text. Alana, you get bent, Wager. Mitch, knife that shit. Alana. Ha, ha, ha. I didn't realize we were so funny last night. You got used so good.

You guys were dunking on me savagely. This isn't the purpose of this thread. Fucking dork. I'm really trying to keep us on task. Well, I, and also I had to again ask this morning for everyone's Carl's Junior orders because we didn't get sorted out last night because you guys are too busy having fun razzing me.

Hold on a second. I sent in two of mine. And also, Alana, if you want to explain. Oh, about the website. Should we get into, well, let's quickly talk about you. You like American restaurants. Nick and I talked about it. Yes.

Nick didn't want to go to pinks after his Lakers game. He sent us a bunch of options. Too late. It would have been too late. I was so tired. I have to do that shit all the time. No waiting line at a hot dog stand. So people that don't know pinks, pinks is like this little

shitty shack that's here in LA. It's this tiny little, it's like a shitty looking shack. I've never actually been there. I don't know the food is, although I've heard it's not great. Not great, but it's a shitty little hot dog stand. That's, it looks really very dinky and it's famously has the super long line, like this like 40 to 90 minute line that just winds around out, out front in front of it.

So I went to a Lakers game last night with everybody, David Phillips, DP and afterwards it would have been like 11 PM when I would have gotten over there. I'm an early riser. I got up at 6 30 AM yesterday. It got up at seven today. I would have been beat. I would have had no energy.

You don't have a job for crying out loud. I got things to do. I wake up between 6 30 and 7 every day and I was down. Well, I did say what is this a rave when I did ask if it was a rave. It would have been too late. I, I, the only reason why I wanted to go is I wanted to go because of the lineup because it would just be nice for one day

in my life to have a purpose. Oh, Nick. Look what you've done now, Nick. We have no purpose. We'll go in the future. This was just more convenient. What day? Let, we'll go soon.

February what? February what? You want me to just pick a date in February? Oh my God. Yes. February 14th Valentine's Day. You know I will. I'm there.

Of course I'm there. I might be there anyways. Wait, let's see. What is that? That's a Wednesday. That's a Wednesday. The Lakers are playing the Pelicans, but it's an away game. Oh, shut up.

Pink. So yes. Yeah. All right. Well, okay. We'll go for Valentine's Day. I got to go to the Lakers game with Phillips. Sit on the floor seats.

We don't have floor seats. Come on. Also, pink hot dogs is a little shack just like Palmerston. I'm like my mansion that I live. I don't live in a mansion. I don't live in a mansion. I'm putting in my calendar under work. Our place has equivalent square footage is your place.

This place is a dump. Elena. Honestly guys, I'm on fire today. Hello 2018. Fire for calling this place a dump. We'll see what the crowd says about that. We're not going to show them photos of the inside of my house. Oh my God.

That's how I'm going to. That's such a good idea. I got a room by. I got to turn it on. All right. I've added pinks to the Doe Boys calendar. We have a Doe Boys calendar. February 4th.

We do. We have a Doe Boys calendar. Your accountant runs it. You're unofficial accountant. I think Usong set it up. Usong. Did you make him do it? I may have, I may have had Usong.

He's quit the show. Where is he? He's gone. He ran away from Doe Boys. I think he peased out. I think that's his, that's his 2018 resolution. He doesn't want to be involved with the show anymore. He worked with the show for a year.

He's gone back to school. He realized he needed an education to get out of this. Right. Here's a, okay. Before we get into this week's chain, here's a question I want to ask you. Because the knife, you are something of a firecracker. That's fair to say. Are you someone who would ever like throw a fit over service?

Are you someone who would ever have an outburst? No. Or are you someone who just, you're not someone who would have that sort of reaction. Oh God, no. Here's the thing. They don't want to be doing that job. Right.

And I'm like, and especially in LA. No, not everybody. It depends on the individual. But I think I know what you, the point you were making. The majority, like, don't get me wrong. Let me, yeah, wait, let me backtrack. A lot of people are grateful to have. The knife is retracting.

A lot of people, well it's a retractable knife. A lot of people are grateful to have a job. So it's like, I understand people are like, I'm glad I have a job. But the majority of people don't like serving because of the shitty customers they have to deal with. Sure. So I would never, like, I would never do that to somebody.

I always tip, even if I don't like the service. And I only send food back if it's like something I can't have because it'll make me sick. Yeah. Like, you know, sometimes if you're like, I can't, I can't have cheese and then they bring the cheese and you're like, well, I actually can't have cheese. Right.

You know what I mean? But like, otherwise I'll write it out. But no, I certainly, I don't throw a fit. Hmm. No. Any time I see a video of like people kind of shaming like employees or something. Right.

I never like it. Yeah. Because it's always on the side of the employee almost, almost like probably 99.9. Unless they are, it's like an insane circumstance where the employee is being like, literally crazy. Yeah. And almost always it feels like if there's an issue like that,

it's almost always corporate policy is the problem. Like they did, like this is an understaffed location or, you know, I mean, or they don't have all the supplies. I did flip out once. Oh my God. This is the most epic story. Oh my God. Okay.

You guys know Rachel Olson. Wait, is this like a recovered memory? Yes. It just popped into my head. Wow. Okay. Because when you said corporate. Yeah.

So friend of mine, Rachel and a bunch of ladies, like 20 ladies went on this thing called biz lady brunch all wear blazers. Can I come next time? No, it's been done now for quite some time. This was actually the last one and here's why. We go to Mohawk Bend and yeah, I'll name names. We go to Mohawk Bend.

What is Mohawk Bend? Is that like a bar? No, it's kind of, it's like a bar restaurant and it's on sunset in your bright spot, like near sunset in part. Okay. Get with it, dude. Yeah, dude. Ride the set.

Look, I'm not the only person listening to this who doesn't know what Mohawk Bend is. It's like a bar restaurant. It's like trend, you know what I mean? You think our listeners in Indianapolis are familiar with your local silver like hotspot? And I hear that's where your main listeners are. Just Indianapolis.

We have a huge Indiana contingent. Trendy place kind of in this trendy part of town. Yeah. Okay. And we go there. She ordered some food, whatever. And there was this like vegan pizza that was made with, it was made with, I think it was like with cashews.

This like type of cheese with cashews, but it didn't say that on the menu and she's allergic to nuts. Right. So they had the wrong menu out. So she goes into, what's it called, anaphylactic shock. Jesus Christ. And has to go to the hospital. That's the opposite of being made with love.

And they still made her settle her tab. This like one server, right? This like young guy. Wait, they made her settle her tab? Yeah. So I was in the bathroom. I had no idea this was happening. I was like, where's Rachel?

And everyone was like, she just went to the hospital. I was like, what? So I go to the owner and I felt bad because they were slim because this giant like baseball team, like wreck, wreck league was having a big like celebration there. But I was like, I got the survey and I was like, did you just make my friend pay her tab and you guys had the wrong menu and you served her nuts when it didn't say there was nuts in it.

Right. And then he was like, well, yeah, because, you know, we couldn't have her leave without paying. And I was like, oh, I'm going to need to speak to your manager. And I fucking went ape shit. I was like, you put my friend in the hot, but it's like she could have fucking died. Right.

And then your server made her pay. Right. Well, she was like literally choking up. She had to like run her credit card, sign everything. Anyways, he comped all 20 of us. Wow. Yeah. Damn.

Good work, the knife. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Let me tell you this. I was chopping it up over there. I was not having, but that was like, that's the only time I've ever flipped out. And that's justified because not even like first of all,

the menu's wrong. He had to go running at all the menus because not allergies are like so serious. But the guy made her pay. It's like nothing crazy. Yeah. I don't know how that happened. Made her pay.

Yeah. She should have comped everyone immediately. You did a good job. Oh my God. You should have just let her run out of the door. Like what? Anyways. Yeah.

Call 911 or something. Have you ever had her death defying dinner? Also hashtag death defying dinner if you've had one. Let us know what happened to you. Yeah. These are because these are interesting. My cousin had a situation where she found out basically that she was like allergic to sesame or so like, oh, a soy is

sesame, right? Something basically. Right. Is it so it's soy comes from sesame or no, or has sesame? I don't think so. Soy beans. Yeah. No, they're different things.

No. They're okay. Well, she was allergic to soy or sesame or something. Well, there's like sesame oil. There's soy. I mean, it might. Whatever. They're similar.

But for the sake of sake, are you using similar genres of cuisine? Shut up, coffee, fucking nitro or whatever the hell you drank. Just let me speak. Somebody here needs to get bent, but I don't know who. Okay, go on your cousin something. I believe. I shouldn't say her name.

We should bleep that. She doesn't want to be associated with this podcast. Anyways, she, she found out that she was alert. She was at a sushi restaurant. She found out she was allergic to either soy or sesame. Like she got the allergy as she got older. Like she didn't. Interesting.

Yeah. So she like, that was the first time she like. And did the same thing happen? Like basically like, yeah, it was like, yeah, had to go to the hospital. God, that's so scary. That's crazy. I've never had anything like that happen to me.

I feel like I choked on something. I guess it boy. Yeah. I had a choking incident at a Togo's. Were you in the bathroom? Wait, what? What are you doing? Okay.

Hold on. So, all right. So I was at, I was at, he's making an auto fallatio joke. He suggested I was, I was in the, the men's room in a Togo's, giving myself dome. And that's what was causing my UVL to react. All right. What happened?

I'm sorry. Here's what happened to you either. Here's what happened. I was eating a pastrami sandwich. What is that? I was saying this on again. Go on. Yum.

Take that bib off. I was eating a pastrami sandwich and I got a big old piece of pastrami stuck in my throat and I started choking and my dad gave me the Heimlich. I remember you. 20. I was like eight. Okay. And I remember, I was eight years old.

That's a young age to be down in some pastrami. Yeah, I know. I think that's a bit of an old man meat. It was too young. You were eight years old, so this is 1956. No. You want to try this? It's called pastrami, kid.

Oh boy. Like it had just been invented? Yeah, pastrami just was created. Salted cured meats predate the 1950s. I was, I, no, and my dad had to give me the Heimlich. It like flew out. It like, I was like choking to the point where I had my, I want you to do the noise.

You guys got to see this physicality over here. And I was like, and, and like, like I couldn't breathe. My dad like jumped up from the table, got behind me, like grabbed me around the chair, like gave me the Heimlich. I remember like hurting because it was like jamming me against the back of the chair and I spat up pastrami and then I ruined the meal of the two men who were sitting next to us. Oh my God.

Did their meal get comped? Their meal didn't get comped, but they just like looked over like disgusted because they just seen this little, you know, this little twerp vomit out a little hunk of meat. Vomit out a very respectable old man meat. Yeah, I guess so. And they were like, you haven't even earned this because you're a young child.

I remember one of my first memories is choking on a hard candy in my dad's office and getting the Heimlich. From your dad as well? From my dad as well. Shooting it out. Hey, we both could have, man, the world could have had its moment to be a better place. Both of us went down.

I've never had a food problem because obviously I eat like a lady. So just some of my subtle, subtle talking. Never allergic reaction. Never, never any sort of a breathing obstructed. No, not cause of food. I've definitely had like skin rashes, breakouts, stuff from makeup and like hives and stuff, but not from food.

I'll tell you this. One time I was out drinking and I was underage and we were out in the marsh and the cops came out and they were chasing this crazy man who escaped from a mental institution. This is real. Whoa. And they were like, fuck you guys. Just go home basically though.

I get out of here. So this guy, Dan Danaro, he sunk in the mud. Wait. So wait, you were like in a park or something? Yeah. We were like in the marsh. You're in the marsh. Okay.

I lived by the ocean. So this guy, Dan Danaro, he sunk in the mud and he was like, oh, I'm like covered in mud. I'm going to get in trouble. He lost his shoe. I said, don't worry. I got extra shoes. Come with me.

We'll go to my house. Went to my house. My family was having like a party. There was literally like six other parents downstairs and I was like, we're going to go upstairs and me and the two other kids went upstairs. And my mom was like, Michael, get down here right now. She knew something was up.

I didn't know what to do. So there was cologne on my desk. I took a swig of cologne to like cover up the alcohol. So I took a swig of cologne and you swallowed it. No, I gargled it and spit it out and I went downstairs and my mom was like, did you drink cologne? It's about stuff you've been drinking. It was the first thing she said.

She said, did you drink cologne? And I was like, ah, and she's like, you're grounded. And I was, and I got grounded for drinking cologne. No, because you knew that alcohol just for drinking cologne. She knew something was up. You need to learn what her beverages water. I got, I ended up getting in trouble. I was the one who ended up getting in trouble as you should.

Yeah. You're also drinking. Right. Yeah. Who cares that you're right. I guess whatever. Mom. Oh, please.

Sorry, you got mom knifed and you can't handle it. My mom knifes me all the time. You guys will get along great. Wait. So what was the mud situation? He just fell in the mud accidentally. I was trying to hide. We were running for the cops.

Oh, okay. We were in the marsh. You sink in the fucking marsh. Mm-hmm. The marsh ate up his shoe. It still owns it. Have you seen Princess Brian? Yeah, I have.

Yeah. Just like those sandpits. Oh, wait, was there some element to that of like you can't lie when you're here or something? What am I thinking of something else? A Pinocchio. I'm thinking of Pinocchio. Right.

Yeah, way off actually. Yeah. I thought there was some mystical element to the bog or it was like you can't like it's like messed up in your head. Bog is kind of an interesting. A bog seems magical. Right. Wait, really?

I can't lie? I miss, I misremember. It's not that. You're fucked. You're wrong. I'm conflating it with some other fantastical thing. It's kind of like the stench, the elaborate where you stink forever. Maybe that's it.

That's what I'm thinking of. There's a bog or a pit of everlasting stench. I forget the name of it. People will get mad at us. I recently watched The Shining for the first time. Are you thinking about that? You just watched it recently for the first time? Yeah.

Boy, did he get him good. No, he didn't. You got one guy good, really. Yeah, you got him. Then he froze. You're quoting this like it's like 1978. What the hell is wrong with you? Why could I have stuck in the past, baby?

Oh, wait. It was a Shining in 80s movie, right? Was it? Might have been like right at 1970s, but I think it might have been 1980. I'm going to look it up. I calm myself right there because I said 1978. It was a treat. It is a treat.

It's a great one. 1980. You're right. Right on the dot. Right on the dot. You're quoting it like it's 1980. 13 June 1980. That was on an SNL in 1981.

Yeah. A red rum joke. Tabaka. Let's just say this is the most up-to-date news I have. Why are you ever think about going up into a cabin? Spend it some time. Yeah, what are you saying? I've done that before.

Going crazy trying to kill Natalie. No. I've done that before. I mean, she would live and you'd freeze. I uh... No, don't give me that. I've been to cabins before. I get bored.

Especially nowadays because it's like, well, you just want internet access, right? What do you do without internet access? You gotta plug in. Yeah, plug in. I gotta stay plugged. Question. Literally. Guys, speaking of movies from the 80s, when did you guys think of the most recent Star Wars that just came out?

I said my opinion, but you guys didn't say yours. Oh, I thought it was good. I like it. I'm saving my opinion for when we review. Actually, I've already said it at this point. It fucking sucked. I think it's good. You are so full of shit.

I mean, you've also already tweeted out that like, this is bad. What's sucked about it though? I didn't like it as much as the other ones with the other guys, but what did... What sucks about it? There's so much that I dislike about it that it would take me an hour. Do you like other... I love Star Wars. What's the name?

Voldemort's? No, I'm a bad guy. Supreme Commander Snoke? No, the other guy. Darth Vader? Yeah, did you like other Darth Vader? Other Darth Vader aka Darth Vader? Who you called Voldemort?

We got him. Who's we? Come on. Those three of us. We're in this together. It's pretty convenient that you can cover a flub by just being like, we got him. You get something wrong. Boom, knife.

He's a good guy. Of course, I like the original Darth Vader, the good Darth Vader. No, you don't like this one? No. Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren's great. I love him. Oh, shut up.

I like Kylo Ren. Here's the thing that... The only thing of that, I was like... He smashed up that mask. I was like, oh man, that mask is cool. I love the mask. I was so upset he smashed it. I wanted to put it back on.

Smashed it. But maybe in nine, he'll have a new version of the mask that he'll put on. Oh, smoking. I hope so. Yeah, he'll have the mask he can wear. Somebody step me. Did they do that on SNL in 81? Come off of it.

No, that was 97, 96. What a year. 97. Man, if you watch like an 81 Chevy Chase SNL and there was like a Kylo Ren, the mask parody. Be like, how did this happen? Imagine if what's the name in the... What if Jack Nicholson's character got the mask in the shining? You would have caused him damage.

Yeah. You wouldn't have froze to death. What is it he says? Honey, I'm home. No. No, no, no. Here's Johnny. Here's Johnny.

Oh, yeah. I might be thinking of it. Honey, I'm home. Yeah. So you watched it just for the first time. Don't remember it that well. I seem to be a little off in my course. It's one of the best ones.

So wait, hold on. Yes. We should get into the restaurant here. And I was leading Atlanta in there. Oh, I remember where we got sidetracked. Okay. We were all fighting. Yes.

On text. On text. That's right. Nick gave you the link. We should have gone to the pink sat dogs. Oh, yeah. Nick gave you the link to the restaurant. Right.

And let us know what happened. Yeah, go for it. Here's how it came about. When they asked if I could do the podcast, long River 2, according to the fans. I gave a list. I go, oh my God, I've thought so much about this. And I give a list very quickly of five places I've never been before because I have been storing them to be like, when my time comes, I will be ready on that list.

One of them was Carl's Jr. I'd never been to Carl's Jr. Oh, did I give it away too soon? No, this is fine. No, it's fine. Carl's Jr. So it's a lot of back and forth. And I'm texting with Mitch just at first and it's like, we'll see what Nick says.

What's Nick saying? And I was like, that's not how it sounds. So finally, finally, Nick gets on. It was very, very annoying being the go between, between you two and Nick. I can't do that. Actually, I said, I said to add me to the message because you were complaining to me about having to be the middleman. Yeah.

So President Weigher gets on the message. I could get used to that. And he, and he declares we will indeed be going to Carl's Jr. I thought, great. And he goes, here's the menu. Check it out. Sends the link. I click on the link and nothing works.

Like it's the main homepage. You click on menu. Yes. You click on anything else and that start comes up going, oopsie's not working or like whatever. Right. So then I had to go and these guys have been so they already know it. So then I had to go look at images of just screenshots or pictures that people took of

the actual menus in the restaurant. Yeah. Zoom in. So my reports today on their food. A lot of accusation coming down on YouTube because I had to go with trust at this point in time as opposed to logic because there were no ingredients for me to read. Oh boy. Okay.

Well, President Weigher. President Weigher. You blew it. President Weigher is your first order of duty to abolish the age of consent. Okay. We'll take a break. We'll be back with more No Voice. Hey guys.

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So we've got people with particular diets at your big game gathering, a regular game gathering, or just gathering for any reason at all. Lantana is going to accommodate them. LantanaFoods.com, snack safely. Welcome back to Doe Boys. Carl's Jr. Slash Hardy's this week's chain discussing with the great Alana Johnston. So we were discussing the website woes just before we went to break. Here's the issue with the Carl's Jr. website.

I'm not sure if this also applies to the Hardy's website. In fact, I'll check in another tab right now. The issue with the Carl's Jr. website is that the menu is dysfunctional on mobile. I verified this on another device. However, it works fine on desktop. But you know, as anyone who uses a phone these days knows, most internet usages on mobile devices these days. So it's kind of inexcusable that the menu just doesn't work.

Truly. On a phone at all. And I suspect it's the same thing as the Hardy's. The Hardy's website has the same issue because it's the same sort of menu. Honestly, it's like maybe like a weird old flash they're still using or something. It feels like they're using some sort of archaic web technology to present this menu. But also... I'm on there right now. It's working.

It's working on your phone? It is. It wasn't working on mine. Wait, you clicked menu and nutrition? Yep. Because it comes up to the main page. You clicked on individual items though. I clicked on individual items. It works.

Hold on. I'm going to try this right now. It's working right now. Hold on. Because this was not working as recently as this morning. Yep. It's working. Okay. Now it seems to be working. Okay. Well, it wasn't working yesterday. But you know, it's working now.

Oh my God. But a lot of good that does it at this point. Wait. It's up and running. It's up and running. Unbelievable. Wow. Right.

It seems like it was almost like... It seems like they almost did this because of the knife. I wonder. Oh, I just got stabbed. Big time. Big time these guys got me. I just got shamed. Holy crap. But to return to why our logic behind picking this particular chain.

So we had a few different options, but this is specifically some place you've never been before. And it's a place that's a favorite of me and Mitch's. That's right. This is a place that we like. This place is in the Golden Plate Club. It's a very, I feel like a, not just a solid chain, but one that I like to go to just for fun when I want to have like a bite to eat that I will enjoy.

And I think it does something specifically unique, which is that it does this kind of over the top burger concept. But in a way that I think is, you know, the food is generally very flavorful and well presented. So I think we wanted to get your impression as someone who is fascinated by American food of a pretty uniquely American chain, a place that is really like, like, you know, famously over the top. And, and so that's partly why we were interested in your, your point of view.

And then I, as you were mentioning earlier, you went off of our wrecks and one, one sandwich we recommended, a favorite of ours, the Western bacon cheeseburger. This is your first Western bacon cheeseburger. Yeah. And this, this is so tip, this is what I think is so typically American this, like that burger was the perfect recommendation. Cause I took one bite, I turned to Mitch and I go, what is this? I get hit.

Here I am, a girl having fun. And I thought an onion ring in a burger, this is a risk, but I'll do it. I take a bite and I'm drowning in what I guess you call sauce. I had to open it up to verify what barbecue, you guys put barbecue on everything. I couldn't even believe it. I'll quote you. You said, does this have barbecue sauce on it? And I was like, yeah, I thought you knew that from the start.

No, not from the JPEG that I looked at. JPEG issues. What can I say? You didn't even know what you were getting. No, I just went on your recommendation and make it kind of forced it on her. I was so upset. Wow. Really?

I really was. And now here's the thing in my defense. I ate the whole burger cause I said to Mitch, maybe it's one of those things where at first you're like, I hate this. And then at the end you're like, actually you really grew on me. I liked it. So I toughed it out. And I tell you what, I'm not going to get back those five minutes of my life.

You know what I mean? And we spent those five minutes together. I had a good time. I stand by what I said. But it was, I mean that sauce was just like diarrhea. I was just, I couldn't believe it. I like bacon. The onion rings were a crispy treat, but everything tasted like barbecue.

It was so overpowered by barbecue. Do you just not like barbecue sauce period? Yes. You don't like barbecue sauce. Is this a Canadian? This is the vibe. Does it knock on north of the border? No, no, no.

There's a barbecue stuff, but not like barbecue sauces and barbecue things are big here and so is ranch. They're really big here. We don't have like, it's like how Holly had mentioned, we like, we got vinegar in there. We got gravy in there. Like we're a little like of what art comes with our stuff. But like, I don't, yeah, barbecue is like not as, I mean, you guys have whole barbecue meat zones here.

Yeah. Right. Texas is considered a barbecue meat zone. I've been to one of those meat zones. Yeah. I got no sauce. I liked it in the meat zone. Some barbecue is more heavily sauce than other barbecue.

I think there's also different, different schools of thought on sauces. And so this, this is more of a, of a sweeter sort of molassesy sort of sauce. Very sweet. Very sweet. Yeah. Which I was surprised by it. You know, it was the same sweetness as Lay's barbecue chips because I find Lay's barbecue chips to be completely sweet and it was that sweetness, but it was like spread so thick

that I, and I, because I love onion rings, it really overpowered the onion rings. And I was excited to have the onion rings in the burger. You might have had someone who got sauce happy. Yeah. Might have been over sauce. My guy's sauced out. You got sauced. I wonder if there's any people out there who love a sandwich or a burger or a pizza, but

then get unhappy if it's too sauced out. And I know that I have some that I don't like when it's too saucy. Yeah. And I can't think of, I can't think of them off the top of my head. If anybody has any recommendations of light barbecue burgers to try, hashtag me at begging for BBQ and do let me know. Thanks. And you can hashtag that on the don't boys.

Yeah. You can tweet it at that. It'll get back to me. And tweet it at her too. Wait. So you want, you do want a different, you want to try a barbecue sandwich, you think there's going to be one you respond to. It just has to have less sauce, maybe less sweetness.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I'm not, I'm not going to throw barbecue out the window, but I'm just saying like if somebody had a recommendation or something, a lighter version, I'd be curious to try it because that was just, it was quite overwhelming. Right. By the way, I want to return to one thing Mitch accused me of earlier. You said I kind of forced this sandwich.

Oh Jesus. Here's the interaction. Oh my God. I sent over menu and nutrition carlsjr.com the link. Let us know what you want. And thanks again. Alana. The website isn't working.

Wiger, WTF. Alana. It's okay. I found some JPEGs. Wiger. The Western bacon cheeseburger is one of my and Mitch's favorites. Alana. Okay.

I'll do that. Wow. Really forced you into that one. Yeah. That was after five minutes of crying. Okay. I wasn't crying. I wasn't and call you up in tears.

You forced it on her. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. I want barbecue on my body. Just say so. I subtly suggested it. I subtly suggested it. Here's the thing.

I was happy to take the recommendation because I said to you guys. I said I wanted all American experience. Something not in Canada. So if that was something you guys like that place, you go there. That's something you like. I went great. That's what I wanted. I wanted something like that would be typical Americans would get.

Yes. Absolutely. And Carl's Jr. is a chain we've reviewed a couple of times before. But I think that is specifically, that burger is a pretty good encapsulation of what this chain delivers. So if you have a negative reception to that, then I think that sort of, I think that does inform generally what your thoughts on this chain are going to be. Oh, wait till we get to the fries.

Whoa. Okay. Let's talk fries. Chris cut fries. Chris cut fries. Weigr, again, you forced these on her. Come on. I actually asked.

I did ask. All right. Whatever. But yeah. Oh yeah. Do they have those lattice kind? If not, I'll do regular. That's from you.

Yeah. I saw them in one of my J-Pigs. Why are you, the J-Pigs helped you out in some ways, but they hurt in other ways. Weigr, what is, what is also hashtag oversauced for something that you don't enjoy when it's oversauced? Also hashtag, I want to know people in the adolescent. I think that's the one place I'd never heard anyone tweeted us from. I'm sure we got some Indiana listeners.

Indiana listeners. Hashtag, hashtag, who's your boys? Who's yours? Who's your boys? Who's your boys? Who's your boys and gals? Yeah, if you guys are listening from Indiana and want to know more about me, hashtag me at how you cream it.

How you cream it. How you cream it. How you cream it. Oh boy. You're going to get a lot of responses on that. Only from the Indiana crew. Okay. If you're not from Indiana, stay out of that how you cream it hashtag.

You creeps for Hoosiers only. Um, wait, what were we talking about? Now I'm confused. Oh, the cut the fries. Yes. Look, I like I stand by these criss-cut fries. Here's what I'll say. They're good.

You got a good 15 to 20 minute window where those fries are good and then they're going to turn into some battered up trash that you get to throw away because right. They need to be served hot. They need to be served fresh. You got to be eating them at the restaurant or in the car on the wet ride down. Yeah. Cause we, we, we, we ate at your place this bitch and it had been just a logistically just been a little bit before we got to dig into those.

So yeah, it's maybe not the fairest representation. When I got here, Mitch had the fries on ice and I thought that can't be the way to do it. I did not have the fries on ice. I actually nuked your fries, which I think made it worse. I mean, we did. And maybe that did make it a little worse actually. I gave it a 10 second nuke, which I think is okay.

The, I didn't mind the batter. I thought it was, I thought it was okay. I surprisingly missed the salt of a regular fry. Right. Cause it wasn't as salty. It was more like batter, like for your chicken tender type thing. It tasted more like that. Yes.

As opposed to like a shoestring fry that just has like the regular salt on it. I missed a bit of the salt. Yeah. It's a little bit more battery and starchy. You're right about that. Yeah. Mitch, what did you think of your Chris cuts? I know, I know you said they've been sitting a little bit, but you're your defender.

I'm a defender of them. But you know, as time goes on, taste change, those, those Chris cuts are very battery. They're a little, they're very, very interesting. They're a little battery. You're souring on the Chris boys. I, I, I, I like them, but I don't, I don't know if I love them as much. I think if they're done well, but sometimes you can just, you can just tell that they're just like, they're just greased out.

Right. Yeah. A lot of the times I just feel greased out and I don't want to eat them. It's like the batter too, like an onion ring, but the onion on the inside of an onion ring, the soft onion is like the relief of the batter and kind of softens it. This was just the crunch. It was like just the crunch and don't get me wrong, fun shape. I could say that for days, but the batter was just, it was too much very overpowering.

So I'm going to have to knife it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I agree with that. I got the big car all Nick, which I like. I added pickles and onions on there. They're big Mac rip off.

Tell me what's in the burgers. Tell me what's on the burgers that you got. Basically, the, the, the one I got was lettuce and then like kind of like a secret sauce, which is like a big Mac sauce, which is like Thousand Islands and Mayo basically Nick, right? And ketchup is basically what they say it is. It's all a mix. I don't know.

Yes. Um, relishy ish, relishy, mayo-y sauce. And it sounds disgusting. Yeah. The, the big car menu description, two cherries, beef patties or classic sauce, two slices, which is the, what you were alluded to, two slices of American cheese and lettuce all on a seated bun. It's very much just a big Mac, a one to one big Mac, bigger than the big Mac, but then

I also added onions and pickles to make it more big Mac-like. Okay. Um, and I love that sandwich and I ate it and they get it out. It's also like it got to a point where it's like the cheese and the bread, like the soft bun and the cheese and they're all just mixing together and they taste great. Nick, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. I know what you're talking about.

And just get that, those great bites and towards the end there too. Um, and that was great. Yeah. It's not, it's my, my assessment is not better, not bigger or better than a big Mac, but like there are times when I want a big Carl instead of a big Mac. Interesting. Okay. That's fair.

Yeah. But they're, they're both good. They're both good versions of that kind of sandwich. Big Macs are small though. What's that? Physically, big Macs are small. Big Macs are not big. They're pretty small.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's time has gone on. They, they're smaller and smaller. Yeah. That's why the grand Mac came around. Yeah. You see, you see, this is, of course, this is what I'm talking about.

Grand Mac? That's what I'm talking about guys. About the United States. That's what I'm talking about. Grand Mac was too big. Mini Mac, that was what I'm talking about. The mini Mac I thought was just right. That's what you're talking about?

Yeah. The mini Mac cause it was a little smaller, but without that center button. You guys both are saying that's what I'm talking about. We don't know what you're talking about. I like the mini Mac. Is that an affectation I picked up from you? Yeah. Yes.

She just said it a second before you. Yeah. Tweet at us, hashtag, what are you talking about? If you want any clarification. Okay. So that. Yes, yes. And sorry, that one was, that's called the.

The big Carl. And that's their main one. Like the signature one. No, but it stuck around. It was a promo, Nick. Yeah. It was a promo that then stuck on the menu because people like it. And it is good.

Yeah. I also, and I had the fries, which I talked about, they were just, they, they didn't knock it out of the park with the fries today. So, so I'll talk about the good was the big Carl. The bad was the fries. The other good, which I'll get to you in a second was my chocolate shake because we all had shakes. That's right.

We'll get to that. Yeah. And then also I had a Diet Coke. Great. It was a Diet Coke. You know, what can you do? Also a jalapeno burger. Now I got this jalapeno burger and it was, it was a six,

what they used to call a six dollar burger, right? At one point. Yeah. And they, they're now called the, the thick burgers. The thick burgers. Yes. That's right. I saw that.

I saw that the majority of the burgers have a thick option and thicker meat. I don't like the thick burger as much as the regular burgers. I, this thick burger, man, I disliked it so much. Oh boy. What a disappointment. The thick burgers, because I've had this jalapeno burger before. Yeah. And it's good.

Nick, it will give you a case of the rumblies like nobody's business. Oh yeah. That's all the jalapenos in there. Little spicy. The sauce is great on there. There's, there's, I think it's pepper jack cheese. But the fucking thick burger sucks. Right.

What sucks about it? It's just, it's too, it's just not good. Like I genuinely liked their thinner patties better. It's more of a meatloafy sort of patty. I feel like it's like less like the, the good sort of, what's the word I'm trying to, that, that beefy like sort of chuck, ground chuck sort of character you'll get from like a good like, like just like classic burger patty. It just feels like a flame grilled.

It has a good taste to it. And the, the big one is just like, it just like, maybe it just points out the taste of like, it's not great beef or something when the other ones are just like well done. Yeah. It's just too thick. It's too thick. It feels dense and, and fillery whether or not it's 100% meat or not. And they changed the buns here.

We talked about this a little bit last time, but they changed the buns at Carl's. And I, it just, this burger was, it's, it's, I was like, man, what a fucking, it was a huge disappointment. Cause that used to be a good like sort of, it's not, not quite on the, well, it might have been on the fringes of the value value menu at some point, but the, the, that's a good light. That was a good plus one. You get the jalapeno burger if you're like hungry and you want like a second burger.

That's a good, and it's, and it's good. And it has some like a little bit of legit heat to it. Not, it's not going to be super spicy cause it's fast food, mainstream fast food, but it's still had a little bit. Well, jalapenos will hurt you though, but I, I, I gave up on, I mean, I wasn't going to eat anything anyways, but it just wasn't, it wasn't, I knife it. I'm going to knife it. He's knifing it.

I'm disappointed to hear that cause I used to love that burger. You can knife anything. Are you knifing the fries too with me? I'll knife the fries with you as well. The fries are knifed. No question about it. Wow. But you know what?

I'll spoon my big girl and I'll spoon my shake. Like you'll hold them like you're snuggling with them. I'll get into bed with them. I'll snuggle with them. Here's what I'll say. Um, spork my burger, uh, on behalf of the listeners because it was too, it was an, I didn't know what I was getting into. So it's not a fair assessment.

It'd be the equivalent of me having a jalapeno burger cause I don't like spicy stuff, which we'll get to it a second, Nick of the fun surprise we were supposed to have. But, um, I, I will spork it because for the true American, this is a patriotic burger. So I won't, I'll knife it on a personal note, which sounds a little suicide-y, but, uh, I will spork it for the listeners out there. And now speaking of jalapeno, Nick, you texted me about wanting to order something spicy. Yeah. If I would try it.

Oh yeah. Well we didn't, we were, we'll get to that in a second when we're done with the rest of this segment. Stop trying to knife through the show. I thought we were supposed to talk about food. We've been talking about food. We've been talking about food. Oh, but I can't talk about who we didn't eat.

We've got a, we've got an upcoming segment that you're teasing out for us, which is fine. Hey, you're into spoilers. You told me, I said, hey, I don't know if we can talk about the last Jedi. And you said, I'm going to spoil the shit out of that show. Yeah. He disappears. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know about this other segment.

That's okay. Well, we're going to do it in a bit. We're going to finish reviewing the restaurant. I messed up. It's okay. There's nothing to apologize for. Yeah, you did. It's fine.

Everything's fine. I got the California classic double cheeseburger, double meat, double cheese, grilled onions, thousand island lettuce and tomato on a plane. But why are you snoring? I got the California burger. I'm a California boy. Look at me. I love the Lakers.

It's clear what they're doing here. They're, they're trying to do an in and out clone. This is there. Is the big, you're just going to get mad at this. As the big Carl is the big Mac rip off the classic, the California classic double cheeseburger is the double, double rip off. But you know what? It's a pretty good execution of it.

The only thing is the grilled onions are pale in comparison to the animal style onions you would get from, from in and out burger for getting the double, double. I would rather just have the raw onion on there like they do with the, the actual double, double. I think that would be a better version of it. But it's a pretty good execution of a double, double rip off. It's the thing is as opposed to the big Carl, I don't see a reason to get this over the double, double or for that matter, any other item that they would have there, any of their,

their very various other burgers. Excuse me. Like I feel like I'd rather just get a Western bacon cheeseburger or a classic like that over this one. But yeah, it's a pretty, it was solid, but, but unspectacular is how I describe that. That said, it's not the thick burger patty. It's their classic, their classic patties. And I think their classic patties are pretty good meat wise.

And speaking of meat also got us some chicken tendies. And so poultry, that's also meat to the meat family. Tendies. It's in the same section of the food pyramid. Tendies. My tendies. Three piece hand breaded chicken tenders. So these have like a buttermilk coating to them and they are very bready, but here I

think the extra breading as opposed to the fries works really, really well. I think they're, they're, I think they're damn good. Here's my issue. They didn't give me no dip in sauce. Oh yeah. This was a disaster. Oh, where was my dip in sauce? Meanwhile, I'm drowning in sauce over here.

I mean, these bad boys dry. I wish I had some of your stray sauce. I could have maybe woke these up a little bit. You cannot have, and I love chicken tenders. Yeah. You cannot have chicken tenders without sauce. I don't care what kind of sauce you're having. You just cannot have them just plain and dry.

You at least have to have a ketchup or something. The most basic, but no matter how well they're made. Yeah. I don't, you cannot eat them without sauce. It's like just eating like uncooked oatmeal. It's just like it feels like you're, you could do it, but you're not going to. You, you've mentioned your consumption. Is that a Canadian thing?

Do you eat oats? No. They have a horse diet up there. Tendies. They're good. Tendies. They're high quality. Tendies.

You drink some of that nitro. No, you never need coffee. Yeah. You ever drank a cup of coffee? Yeah, I'm lit. I didn't, I didn't have one. Mitch, you had one of them. I did.

Had you had them before? I have. Have you had them before? I'm not. If I'm going to get chicken from there, we'll get a chicken sandwich. I have never had the. Had you had them before? Answer the question.

No, I haven't. Wait, haven't you had a chicken sandwich there before? Yeah, I've had chicken sandwiches there. Were they similar? Is it the same type thing? Most of their chicken sandwiches are, are char broiled. So it's like, it's not really, it doesn't really have that same sort of coating to it, but they have had, I think it's in the past, they've had a traditional chicken sandwich,

but the coating isn't as, it's, it's not as, as thick and lustrous as it is with these hand-bredded chicken tenders. When I looked at my J-pegs at the chicken, because I love a good chicken sandwich. Stop saying J-pegs. I'm sorry that I had to survive for the podcast. But when I, again, when I looked at my J-pegs, I noticed that it was just the, off the grill, char broiled, is that what you're saying? Right.

Yeah. I just said, if I can have a chicken sandwich, I'm going all in. I agree with you. I want the fried chicken, like, or crispy chicken. Right. I want the full chicken, because otherwise I'd rather have like a roasted chicken or chicken breast or something. 100% agree with you.

You know what I mean? As opposed to that way. Yeah. You know what the grilled boneless, skinless chicken breast sandwich is? A lie you tell yourself. Whoa. Because it's not healthy. You're acting like it's healthy.

It's not healthy. You're still getting all that starch or that bun. You're still getting all those, all that, whatever cheese and bacon you loaded on that bad boy. If you're going to have a chicken sandwich, I agree. Put that breading on there. Dad, just have it. Might as well do it.

What do you think, stalker? I'm not the stalker. S-T-O-C-K-E-R stalker. I'm not the stalker. What was he with the fan saying about that? Indiana, where you at? You've been followed by Mitch. Hashtag back off, Mitch.

I follow most people. No, I mean like physically followed. Wow, that did not help your kids. I follow most people. Mmm, thanks, Tandy. Let's get to our shakes. Hold on a second. Yes.

You having no dipping sauce fucking fits your personality. You shouldn't have a dipping sauce. What are you talking about? No way. Way off. What does that mean? You should only get a dipping sauce because you've got a wild personality like me and Alanna.

This guy came here jacked up on Turkish coffee. That's not a personality. He's the wild one. He's not the wild one. We were the tame ones falling asleep on our burgers. Mitch, you think just because sometimes I'm a little dry, I deserve my Tandy's to be dry? Yes.

I mean, Mitch is one of the moisture men I know. I've never followed anyone in my life, by the way. I've never walked around. Oh, because I defend myself. Following and stalking or doing everything. Following, you could be on the move. Stalking, you could like post out. I've never stalked someone.

Yeah, right. I believe you. Nick, have you ever followed back on Twitter a hunk or two? Mmm, let's see. Have I seen a hunky profile pic and that's influenced my follow decision? It's possible. I'm not ruling it out, but I can't, I can't immediately think of something that comes to mind.

I have as I just followed back to boys today. Hell yeah. You think we're hunks? Hunks of shit. I think you're hunks of junk. I'll take it. Yeah, I'll take it too. Let's stalk shakes.

Let's stalk shakes. Oh yeah. So I got the vanilla shake. I love vanilla. As I say often, vanilla is a flavor. People think of it as plain. It is a flavor. Oh my God.

And it's a great flavor. I'm not dry. Vanilla is a flavor. They have really good shakes there. They have these real ice cream shakes. That's one of the things they do really, really well. Yes. I don't disagree with you.

I mean, what did you think of your chocolate one, Mitch? I loved it. The chocolate shake was great. As always, it was maybe the star of the meal. Besides that, that and the big Carl right up there stars together. Yeah. It has like a really, you really get that real ice cream flavor. It's not just sweetness that you're getting.

It doesn't taste artificial. Maybe it is artificially flavored, but it doesn't come across that way. Yeah. You get that sort of rich dairy character to it. I mean, this is, it's very unhealthy. They load a lot of whipped cream on there. But again, you know, if you're going to go for it, go for it. And it's a very high quality fast food shake.

Alana, your first experience with this. What did you think? You got the strawberry variety. I got strawberry and I'm trying to say it in a fun, cute way. Strawberry. Strawberry. And I loved it. Hell yeah.

I thought it was so good. Look, I almost had like all of it, but keep in mind, I started in on my, I couldn't finish my fries. I ate the burger as we know to see if it would win me over. And I almost finished this whole shake. And if you guys could see me, I'm so thin and fun. So it's just a miracle. I managed to throw all this back.

So thin and fun. And fun as it turns out. I think we each got a shake that kind of defined our personality. I think so. Mine's like, yeah, mine matches who I am as a woman because I'm a woman. So it matches that. Here's the strawberry. It's fun and flavorful.

Yeah. Nick, yours is vanilla. Nick, yours is vanilla. Standard. Plain. Standard. Or is it that you're the original? Oh yeah.

The original. That's it. A vanilla. That's original flavor. I'm me. Chocolate shake. Bad boy. Smooth.

Yeah. And smooth. Smooth. They were all smooth. Smooth and a bad boy. I guess I'll say yes to bad boy. I like the shake. Yeah.

Yeah. What do you do if you don't like something? Oh, you spoon it. That's what we were saying. Don't make a face. You said spork too. I said spork is middle. Oh, spork is middle.

Yeah, I'll spoon that. Or you can straw it, I guess, if you want to. I did straw it. There you go. Yeah, I used the straw. Okay, straw works. Nick is thinking. Yeah, I think straw works.

All right, straw is. But you said they're real ice cream shakes. Yeah, they are. Spoon would apply as well. Yeah, spoon would apply. Spoon works fine. It's not thick like a Wendy. It's not thick like a Wendy.

But you say, I thought you seemed some trepidation. There was some trepidation with you saying spoon. Like you didn't want to commit to spoon. I thought that was his nickname. Oh, okay. That's why it was. Yeah, you see what I mean? That's why I was like, I'm not going to call this the Mitch.

Oh, got it. Okay. That's why I didn't want to see spoon. Right, right, right. All right, straw is good. We'll go with straw. I'll straw mine as well. Hey, I've been strawing this one all day.

Oh, fuck. Does that mean? Oh, yeah, he's still got it. We started recording an hour ago. I've been strawing this the whole time. In fact, I might be strawing this a little bit right now. Oh, yeah. Cool.

I couldn't hear anything. I thought it was going to make more of a slurping noise. It didn't make a slurping noise. Let's wrap up our fucking thoughts on Carl's and put it to bed. All right, Solana, here's how this is going to work. We're all going to go around. Yeah, knife. We're not doing Carl's again.

This is it. You're closing the door on Carl's. This is the end of the trilogy. Just as episode nine will shut the door on the first Disney Star Wars trilogy. Pressure. This is going to shut the door on the Carl's Junior Hardee's trilogy.

It remains in the Golden Plate Club, at least until now. Hey, knife. I'll tell you what. I hope that you can cut, baby. Lock it up and throw away the key, baby. Oh, yeah, because it's done. What does that mean? It's done after this.

Close your door, lock it up, and throw away the key. Got it. So our rating system, you can give your closing argument on the chain and then give it a zero to five forks in terms of how much you enjoyed this meal. Okay. We will start with you. Okay.

Here's what people need to know about me. I'm a bit of a yes woman. Okay. I'm down to clown. I'm here for fun. And I consider myself a woman. And when I come to burgers, hey, why not? But when it came to this burger, here's a million reasons.

Why not? But I'll just give you one. It was literal garbage. I am not a fan. I love the logo of the star. It made me feel like I was going to be something in life and the food did not live up to that. Two battery, two saucy and not enough heart.

Man. I said, I did like my shake. So I know you guys have a conundrum for the old knife. That's right. That's right. A bit of a conundrum. Time for me to drop the blade, baby. I am giving this one spoon.

One spoon. And that's for the shake. Wow. One spoon. One spoon. Four knives. Four knives. Yeah.

Wait, wait. Hold on. That's a 205 fork rating. That's equivalent of a one fork rating you're saying. Oh, whoops. I forgot it was fork. That's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One fork. One spoon. Four knives. So is that two? So we're just giving it one fork then. Yeah. One fork. Two spoons.

Three. Four knives. God damn it. One fork. One fork. One fork. Wow. One fork.

I thought spoon because it was called milkshake spoon. So I thought that's what we wanted. Weiger, you fucked up. We should have had you go last. You pulled this out of the Golden Play Club. I'm sorry, boys. No, it's fine. Did I pull it out or did you?

Got you. I guess you're right. You did get us some. Yeah. We kind of knifed ourselves on this one by casting you as the person who's going to be the same factor. By getting the knife on the show. Yeah. We fucked up.

This blood is truly on your hands. We shouldn't have had you on. Wow. I guess this is a lesson. Yeah. To save Carl's. Yeah. Well, I'll go, Nick.

Yeah, go for it. I really enjoy Carl's. Do I give it a little score, a slower score now that it's out of the Golden Play Club? I mean, you can. It's just, here's the thing with Carl's. The fries sitting and getting like greasy garbage is kind of a fact about Carl's. It's a thing that doesn't help it in my book. Sure.

It's the fact that like transporting Carl's, it can be bad by the time you get home. Short shelf life. It's short, very, very short shelf life and turns into like complete trash. Like I, like I don't, I won't eat a Carl's burger later on. The milkshake was great. The big Carl is great. The fries were big, big let down today. They really, the man, they really let us down with those fries today.

The jalapeno burger, no good. I'm going to go three and nine tenths forks. Wow. I'm taking it down. Man. They made some changes recently too that they fucked up with. Yeah. And I like Carl's a lot.

That's still a good score. It's still a good score. It's just just out of the Golden Play Club. Right. Hey, it's gone. Also, are you suggesting like a hypothetical ten pronged fork? It has nine tines. That's right.

Okay. Yeah. And how many spoons and knives are you giving it? So it gets one and one tenth knife. Wow. Wait, so the, are the knives bad? Yeah. Nobody wants to get stabbed.

I'm having trouble parsing this. Oh, shut up. Just your view. You don't have to get your work, your mind around this. Save it for the text rent. So a knife, so a knife is the equivalent of a, instead of the absence of a fork, you can just in place a knife and that's, that has the same effect. So if you want to have five utensils, a knife counts as a negative utensil.

Yes. Okay. All right. Um, I like Carl's Jr. I think it's good. Mitch is texting me. Hold on. Let me reply to mix. It didn't just text.

Okay. All right. Take care of that. Okay. Weird. I'm not on this thread. Yeah. This is, this one doesn't involve you.

It's a private one. He just texted me, but it's not about you. I said we should never have had one. Bummer. Of course. That's not what it says. All right. We mentioned the website's failings.

I just wanted another issue with the website. They mentioned that they have jalapeno poppers, which I was eager to try. They do not have jalapeno poppers anymore. Still on the website, no longer in store. California classic double, a good burger. Again, I'd get one of their other burgers, but you know, it's a good execution of it. Them tendies. I like those tendies, but you know what?

Fuck you. Thinking back on the Cone Brothers movie Fargo, when Wade Gustafson goes to make the drop of the million dollar ransom, but his daughter is not there. And he says to Steve Buscemi's character, no gene, no money, no dip and sauce, no tendies. That's how I feel. Wow. Give me a dip and sauce. I'm not going to enjoy them tendies.

That took quite some time to get out. We all agree it was worth it though. I agree. I liked it. Great shake. A lot of fun with that shake. I'm not going below four forks because I like Carl's Jr. I'll go all the time.

Carl's Jr. Hardee's is great. I still like it, but it's just a little bit of a disappointing visit. Mitch, I do think I influenced you. A little bit. Yeah. I think you did as well. Wow. A little bit.

But you know, that's what the knife does. It cuts down things and then you see what's behind the facade. Blood. Blood mostly. Always blood. That was our review of Carl's Jr. Hardee's. It's time for a regular segment. We're going to decide if something is too spicy or just spicy enough in another edition

of Hot or Not. By the way. God damn it. I see what he meant by this segment. Me mouth on fire. Me tongue on fire feeling hot or not. Oh God, the knife is doing a dance. They mind is racing.

They see us tasting. Is it hot or not? All right. Mitch, you said we had some spicy jerky here. That's right. Where's the spicy jerky at? It's right on the table by you, you fool. Is it?

Because all I see is this little hedgehog. Oh, it's a rabbit. I thought it was a hedgehog. It's a rabbit. It looks like Wally. Okay. Wait, hold on. I see a stamp.

This is our stamp with our return address of our bank branch. It's right over there next to you. I've got this BB-8 card. Move the Tim Tams, you fucking ass. Got some Tim Tams here. I got a couple of envelopes. Oh, these are from the Employment Development Department from the state of California.

They're right. Okay, here we go. Yes, they were right where I said they were. Okay, they were here. These are the Black Dahlia murder, not Block Dahlia. A Black Dahlia murder as good as dead extra hot beef jerky. Kind of dark. Underneath, warning, extremely hot.

No, Anna, you don't like hot foods. Not at all. Not a heat seeker. I'm a little bit of a heat seeker. I think you got a little bit of your shake left, the knife. Yeah, that actually Darry will help out. Well, it says, warning, extremely hot. They're really, really extra hot beef jerky as good as dead.

They're really hammering home. Hey, the knife. How spicy this is. You know a good way you can beat a knife? You can melt it down. I'm gonna have a hunk of this bad boy. You fucking melt it down to a little... I'm gonna pass this around.

Oh, my God. I just took a bit of a whiff. It seems pretty spicy. You can see chunks of hot. It hurts. It's itchy. I haven't even just touched it. I'm taking a bite right now.

They're visible red pepper flakes on it. You can see the hot. Yeah. Extra hot beef jerky. Oh, my God. First of all, it feels like still a holy... Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Is it bad? Oh, my God. It's so hot. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's so bad. Oh, you fools.

I'm not gonna eat this. Ooh, that hit me in my throat. You have to if I did. Oh, my God. Is this hell? Oh, my God. Yeah, the issue there is I kind of... It keeps rolling.

Got in the back of my throat. So I gotta get that lingering... Oh, my God. I kind of get that... What the fuck? Mafioso voice right now. It kind of hit me back in the vocal cords. It just keeps going.

Yeah. I'm a bit of a heat seeker. But let me tell you. This is pretty hot. Some real heat to it. I just ate a piece. Yeah. I should have kept it more in the front of the tongue.

That was a rookie mistake. I sort of... It is hot. I'll give it to you. It's got some real heat to it. It keeps releasing. Liquid smoke added. It is a little bit hot.

I agree with you. Let me show you. I did spit mine out and I'm suffering more than anybody at the table right now. It's hot. It's hotter than you think it is. It's so hot. It's got a little bit of a lingering burn. But there's literally no flavor.

It's just hot. Yeah. I mean, it's good. But yes, it is very... It's pretty spicy. It has that chemical... Like, it's like... Actually, it's...

Oh, wow. How did you get these? Did someone give them to you? Yeah. Was this something that someone in Texas had in them over? I believe so, yeah. It just keeps coming in. Oh, I took a sip of soda and it did not.

It made it worse. The Black Dahlia murder took place in L.A., though. What is it? What's some Texan doing with this L.A. murderer jerky? Oh, it's from Bakersfield, California. Someone gave it to us, though. Okay. Hmm.

I mean, it's spicy. It's definitely hot. It definitely delivers. Woo. Oh, yeah. Or if it... It keeps going. If it hadn't hit me in the back of the throat.

Woo. But it is definitely got some real, real heat to it. Let's try that shake. I think that chocolate shake will cool you down a little bit. But I mean, like, I don't know. I think I'm being disingenuous if I go below. So a lot of... The rating system here is we go from hot, hot, hot, which is the hottest, to not, not,

not, which is the least hot. And then you can... You have any sort of increment between those. You can go not, not, not, just hot or hot, hot or hot. Hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot all the way. Oh my... This podcast is ending on such a low note.

I've had such a great time and I'm literally leaving with a bad taste in my mouth. Oh boy, I'm sorry. I'm so upset right now. But my mom is going to be so proud of me. Oh, okay. She loves hot stuff. Crazy, like crazy peppers you can't even identify. She likes, likes anything that says suicide on it.

Right. And weird, I go by the knife. You got to wonder what's going on in that house. But it was very hot. But I'm, I'm proud of myself that I tried it. Yeah. This is hot. It's hot.

This is hot. Like right now, as we're all talking, back me up. Is it not still releasing? It's still releasing. It's got that lingering burn. Oh yeah, no, yeah. It's still going. No, it's like, it's like re-coming up.

Like as if the pepper or the hot specks. Yes. As if like they're bursting. No. And then slowly are coming out. It's like my tongue is a sinner. Yeah. And it's being punished in eternal torment.

Your tongue is in hell. My tongue's in hell. Yeah. It's pretty spicy. I would say, I mean, I think I'm being disingenuous if I go below hot, hot. And the reason I'm not going hot, hot, hot is just because I've had hotter things than this and like Thai restaurants. I've had harder things than this, but like, but this is really, this is quite hot.

This has to be higher than hot, hot. I'll give it a hot, hot plus. Hot, hot plus. I think, I don't think a hot, hot, hot to me is the hottest. And I feel like I've had hotter things than this. So it's a, I'd be like crying right now. Like, wouldn't, like, like, I wouldn't be able to like talk. When I went to, we went to Manali and I went to Jit Lada, which is this, this Thai restaurant.

It's fantastic. And they have here in LA, this, this local classic chef, Tui passed away recently. A recipe chef. Yeah. A recipe. Great, great, great restaurant and, and, and fantastic food and fantastic, fantastic service there. But we had something so hot that I was, that I had to like, wasn't a salad and you know,

that's a different kind of hot anyway. That's temperature hot versus spice hot. I know he likes warm salads. I don't like warm salads. Then why did I know that? Yeah. It's a different sort of hot anyway. So it doesn't make any sense.

Oh, you know what it was? I have a little piece stuck behind my tooth. I just got rid of it. That it was, that was what was that sort of lingering effect. But wait, what'd you get at Jit Lada? I don't remember. Well, they have a thing there, the spicy challenge, the spicy challenge, which is like insanely hot.

That didn't even touch, but they had something. It might have been crying tiger beef, but it was some, there was some sort of beef that was just like, seemed like it was normally spicy. And it comes with a bunch of like iced vegetables just to cool you down. But that was so fucking hot. I like had to excuse myself and I just, I just went to the bathroom and I was just taking handfuls of water and just holding him in my mouth, like just handfuls of cold water in my mouth that was in there for like, I felt like 20

minutes. Just it was so, so hot and I had no escape. This is not on that level. So this is not wrong. Got the rumblies after that. This is hot, hot. Yeah, I probably definitely, I probably had some rumblies. No one loves the rumblies.

I can honestly say this is, this is the hottest thing I've ever had. Wow. And I didn't even swallow it. Wow. By far the hottest thing I've ever had. How are you doing now? Are you holding up or are you still, you still got that? My, oh, my, my whole mouth is on fire.

I hope you're all right. Thank you for being a good sport. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. It's one of those things to get some bread. Right. And it solves it. Yeah.

I think I ate the biggest chunk of anyone by the way. Hmm. Yeah. I had a pretty big chunk. I had a pretty good chunk. No, you did not. I'm like, I had a bigger chunk. What did you?

It's weird. It's weird. I don't monitor your guys' chunks. Yeah. Um, I'm doing fine now. What was hot? What's your rating? Hot, hot and a half.

Hot, hot and a half. Yeah. You know what? I'll, I'll, I'll team up with you. Hot, hot and a half as well. So we got one hot, hot, hot, one hot, hot and two hot, hot and a half. I was going to say hot, hot, hot, but you're, I guess you're right. What can we do?

Hot, hot, hot plus. I mean, it is hot because then that's the ceiling. And what if we get something else? We could add a hot, hot, hot, hot on top of this. I mean, that's, that's who we could, who gives a shit. No, Indiana will burn. They won't have it. Uh, well, that was hot or not.

Just like a restaurant without your feedback. Let's have a new feedback. Damn. Yeah. I think that's the spiciest thing we've had in this particular segment. Uh, so well, let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes from us from Mike from Westchester, Pennsylvania. Mike writes, as I drive throughout the greater Philadelphia region, I've

noticed that Hardee's Carl's Jr. out here has released a $5 all-star meal and direct competition with a KFC $5 Phillip. Have you noticed any similar competing meal deals? Also Mitch mentioned Philadelphia's Boathouse Row in a prior episode. That's right. Has he ever seen it around Christmas time? Does he ever, and I think this applies to our guest as well, uh, considering

you are from north of the border. Do you guys ever miss the cold or snow of the north or northeast? Every day, buddy. Do you really? That's what you want? Are you looking for in winter? I'm looking forward to experiencing it again. I have an ice cube in my mouth, by the way.

Yeah. I never miss the snow. Really? But I get excited to see it every year at Christmas for one week. But I do not miss it. I know someone from Westchester. I can't think of who it is. Also, wait, where is the office take place?

Scranton? Scranton, PA. Yeah. I know someone from Westchester. One of the bars they go to, poor Richards. It's in Long Beach, California. Oh, cool. A bar they go to in the office was shot out here in California.

Yeah. Can you imagine the flights? Um, so wait, he's saying Carl's is doing a $5 thing. KFC is doing like a $5 thing. This is a common, yeah. Like a complete meal. I mean, Wendy's even does one, too. There's a Jack in the Box has one.

I was about to say, I've seen the Jack in the Box on the commercial. I've seen the Jack in the Box one. And I think we actually might have it on the website. What you actually get, they're called the All Star Meals. These are the Carl's Jr. Hardee's one. So one of them is you get a double cheeseburger, four on your ring, small fries, small drink, and a cookie. The other one they've got is you got a double cheeseburger, hot dog,

small fries, small drink, and a cookie. So yeah, they all have some combo of like a couple of sandwiches, a side, a drink, and then some sort of sweet treat. That's a good deal. I mean, to me, it seems like a good thing if you're a student or you're someone who's just like trying to fill up on a budget. So Wendy's has a four for $4 meal, or at least they did at some point. And yeah, I think they're a good value.

Have you guys had any of these? I thought about getting one of these today, but I actually haven't indulged in one of these yet. Wait, a full meal or just the things how it's one of a dollar? There's specifically $5 or $4 and it's like a whole box. Oh, no. It's like a good box that's kind of like a meal for one. No, I've only had Wendy's like value menu for individual items,

but no, I haven't had a box. I mean, I think it's a pretty, you know, like if you don't want to, do you want to go to the trouble of ordering all carton? You just want to get something you don't have to think about, especially late at night. I feel like it's a pretty good, it's a pretty good deal. But yeah, it's kind of a running thing now. I would just say like, you know, I would,

I would just make sure you want everything in that meal deal because that's how they get you. You know, like maybe you don't need a cookie, maybe you don't need a chicken sandwich, and maybe you could save a little bit of money if you're ordering those items on the carton. I know there's always some kind of copying going on, but you know, today or on the radio,

I just heard IHOP is doing an IHOP, like they do the IHOP to go thing. Yes. Which feels very much like a Chili's to or whatever, or Chili's to go. Which is like at the airport. Yeah, a Chili's to go. Right.

It feels, it feels very similar to that, which I said was my prediction of what I think a lot of these chain restaurants are going to become. Right. Because I think a lot of places are going to be available in IHOPs anyways. Yeah. Even like nicer restaurants.

So places like IHOP and Denny's, I think there will always be sit down IHOPs and Denny's, but I think a lot of them are going to be just cooking stations. Right, right, right. What do you think of that? Um... That bombs me out.

Because I like the cool IHOP stuff. Yeah. Or IHOP houses. Sorry. I think people like... Yeah, oh yeah. There's still a communal activity to eat out though. It's still like a communal activity.

I don't mean all of them, but I think that there's going to be a lot of things like that. I think there'll be more of that, but I think people... And you know, this doesn't reflect me, but I think me personally, but I think a lot of people are really into just like getting food delivered.

And I feel like the more that stuff is going to be available and the easier it's going to be, an app click away, then yeah, I think there'll be more common. But I mean, I guess that's a discussion that's pretty far afield from the $5 Phillips. But yes, I guess our answer is yes, we have noticed other similar competing meal deals.

They do exist. Yeah. And snow? I mean, you guys seem to be excited about it. As far as I'm concerned, snow blows. Yeah, man. I'm with you. Snow blows?

Snow blows. Yeah. Snow is beautiful. I sent you a video of me walking around in the snow last year. Do you remember that? That's literally the last thing I would ever want to see. Mark, do you remember the video I sent you of me walking around in the snow?

Wait, yeah. And wait, what was the context of that? I was just walking around in the snow as a beautiful video. You just wanted to send it to Nick? Oh, wait. No, I do. I do remember this now because there's been that video that people were circulating of like the starving polar bear.

And then this one got circulated as a healthy, well-fed polar bear. Don't you dare bring up the starving polar bear, you sick fuck. If I was by that starving polar bear, I'd fucking take a bat to your knees and leave you. Hey, you know, that's a pretty noble way to die. Feeding an endangered species. What a noble way to kill. What a great reason to kill somebody.

That was a great email. That was good. Yeah, that was a good question. Thanks, Mike. I love the snow. I'm excited to see it again. Also, pizza, how to have those like boxes that have like a bunch of different things.

And I think people are copying them now, but there's always going to be... Pizza? Yeah, pizza. That was a while back. Yeah. And then they've kind of, I think that's the thing they've kind of continued.

Yeah, the value box. It's here to stay. Value box. There's always stuff that, but even like food items, people are copying each other on. Yeah. I guess my only concern...

What's that? My only concern with all these value boxes is that we're opening up Pandora's box. Jesus fucking Christ. Wow. Nick has had an entire podcast of huge setups with little to no bail. I mean, just an entire podcast.

Oh, that's what they call, the way they call me captain setup. I'm the guy with a whole lot of premise and not a lot of punch. So wait, are you officially stepping down from President Weiger? Right. I'm resigning the presidency effective at noon tomorrow

so they can focus on crafting lengthy premises that don't go anywhere. Hey, and you know what I was going to say? A lot of things kind of come from other things. Like there'll be sandwiches that kind of like are inspired by other sandwiches. Just kind of like how you complained about Holly kind of copying you at the beginning

and also kind of how like the knife is similar to the Spoon Man. How's that knife? I knifed you the knife. Well, here's the thing. I'm a lot sharper than you are, but otherwise, yeah, sure. What the hell?

That's true. That actually makes more sense. Much like in The Shining. That he has a knife? Pulling a wiger. He has an axe? No, I was trying to pull a big setup, but couldn't even get pushed through.

I guess it's a lot harder than I had anticipated. That's why he's captain setup. Well, knife, you're knifed. You're out of here. But am I back for pinks on Valentine's Day? Of course. I mean, we got that pencil. And hey, if you have a question or comment

about the word of the chain restaurant, you can email us at doboyspodcast.com. To get the Do Boyz Double, our weekly bonus episode, subscribe at patreon.com. Slash. Do Boyz. Lena Johnston, thank you so much for joining us. Do you have anything you would like to plug at this time?

Yes, obviously my nickname. The Knife. And you can check me out on Twitter, alana, a-l-a-n-a, underscore Johnston, I think. And yeah, we have mitches. If you tweet at me, I'll give you the address. We'd love to have you pop on by. No, I would say I have nothing to plug.

Like I said, this is just gig number two of the year. So subscribe actually to the podcast. You can hear that first gig I did this year. Hey, you know, we got your next gig booked up. So February 14th in the calendar. You got another gig, your first gig of 2018. My first gig of 2018, and possibly only of 2018. That's not true, you're one of the funniest.

You cut people down, but for good reason. Right. You know who I'd like to see you cut down to size? That orange buffoon in the White House. She's Canadian, she doesn't have to care about this, the mess we're in. Hey, you know, it's a global economy in this day and age. I care. I care him trying to ban all my friends from getting it.

There you go, there you go. And I can't believe he saw my tits. That's all from me. I'll do this episode of Doe Boys. Until next time for The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weigher. Happy eating. See ya.