Doughboys - Carl's Jr./Hardee's 4 with Stavros Halkias

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

Stavros Halkias (@stavvybaby2, Dreamboat Tour) joins the 'boys to talk basketball, tour bus eats, and fast food favorites before a review of Carl's Jr. Plus, another edition of the Wiger Challenge.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. At Super Bowl 59, the Philadelphia Eagles prevented a Kansas City Chiefs three-peat in a lopsided contest better remembered for its Kendrick Lamar halftime show and of course its commercials, including a fast food ad notable for having some titties. The horned up $7 million plus spot was a return to form for a burger chain known for excess both in its marketing and on its menu.

Founded in Anaheim in 1945 by Carl Karcher, the company grew across the American West for a half century and then expanded its map globally via a 1997 merger with a similar Wilbur Hardy founded burger concept after Karcher was forced out by his corporate board. Enter new CEO Andrew Puzder who'd worked as a lawyer representing anti-abortion organizations and Karcher himself. Puzder transformed the brand into gleeful trash, debuting a wildly successful soft core adjacent ad starring Paris Hilton and subsequently building a decade-long campaign centered on models in skimpy clothes getting sloppy with burgers. Suddenly, condiments often symbolize cum. The sexually charged ads practically dared viewers to fire off a quick load during an American Dad commercial break. For his part, Karcher was dismayed that his legacy would be stained by smut, shortly before his death he was quoted as being heartbroken that a company he founded on Christian

principles had taken such an immoral act. In life, Karcher had poured his own fortune into a failed California ballot measure banning gay teachers, so he was mostly upset that Puzder represented a more honest kind of ghoul. And today it's all paid off for old Puz, who was advocated replacing workers with kiosks and opposes the very concept of overtime pay, considering he's now the United States ambassador to the European Union. As for his company, it may in fact have its finger on the pulse of the current climate. Its new ad features not a reality star, but an influencer, Alex Earl, wearing a star-shaped bikini top and was enthusiastically received by Randy viewers.

To quote Redditor Stacey King Rules, commenting on a post on rdoughboys titled Carl's Jr. going back to boobs and butts ads, quote, I can finally bust again. This week on Doughboys, we return once again to Carl's Jr. Hardies. Welcome to Doughboyz, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger along with my co-host, Yoda's Ballsack. Yoda's Ballsack?

The spoon man, Mike Mitchell. What? I don't even get it myself, but I like it. Love you, Matty Two Seegs, roastedbirdfuck.com. Yoda's ball sack? I'm like, do I look old or green or something? I don't understand. What do you think Yoda's ball sack looks like?

I do think of it as like, it'd be like a tightly coiled, like, you know, green. Like it does not resemble you in any way, but it also does kind of fit. I Mean it sure. I yeah, whatever. I'm fucking Yoda's ball sack Maybe the same amount of total hair over the surface area I do have you I do not have a lot of you know this. Yeah, I don't have a lot of hair No, you're one of those guys who's like you got a you know, you know, you're here I have good amount of chest hair. Yeah, you're one of those guys who's like, you got a big beard.

I have a good amount of chest hair. Yeah, but like... But then the ball, that whole area, there's not a lot going on down there. Everything kind of froze in time down there if you catch my drift. That's the area that's Yoda-esque. When I was a boy, this went down into the nuclear basement and and then it came up, and it's been the same size. I got to, you know, they get it. I have a small dick.

Yeah, they get it. You know how it's spoon feeded to them. Mitch, this episode's going on the Frank Bake, but we are recording during Munch Madness, which means we are right after St. Patrick's Day. And this past Monday. I was trying to think of some funny, you know, balls are blue, they are. You know what I mean? I was trying to do some sort of, you know. No, I think funny, you know, balls are blue, they are, you know what I mean?

I was trying to do some sort of, you know. I think it was, I think balls are blue, they are, was the right one. I think he got it. So this past Monday was St. Patrick's Day. The whole team, you had us all go out to the Tammoh Shantor great bar in LA for some St. Patrick's Day Revoy, which I'd never done.

And I had a great time. I think we all had a lot of, which I'd never done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had a great time. I think we all had a lot of fun. I had a blast. But, so, something happened. We said, we did a little prayer. We praised the IRA before our meal. Yes, yeah. So towards the end of my evening, because I obviously left earlier than everybody, you

came up to me with Casey and you tell me emphatically, Nick, Jeffrey Jones is over there. And I'm like, what? And again, you go Jeffrey Jones. And you're like pointing at the beer line in this crowded outdoor tent. Now I'm really excited. It's one of your favorite. I wouldn't, I shouldn't say actors, but one of your favorite people.

Yeah, just, just personalities. If people hear the name and don't know who that is, you would recognize the face. He's a character actor, like a 6'4", redheaded guy. He's been in a ton of stuff. He was in Amadeus. He was in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. He was in Beetlejuice, Deadwood.

He was kind of in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice as well. Well, this is the thing. Not really in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, because his most notable recent role is on the sex offender registry For grooming a 14 year old boy, so Mitch is telling me That counts for your resume you can do the sex offenders. Yeah. Yeah, you put that on IMDb. I'm my agent So we're at this crowded bar at st. Patrick's Day, it's like packed

Yeah, Mitch is pointing at the beer line and repeats like six different times, Jeffrey Jones is right there. So I'm looking over there, like again, just trying to do the math in my head of like why he would be out here in such a public place after being me too'd, but like trying to rationalize it and also like any curious citizen,

I've looked at the sex offender registry before and I know that he lives in the general area of the TAMO shant or something This is I guess plausible and which keeps so going Jeffrey Jones is right there I'm looking this big big fucking pedophile. I'm not seeing him and yeah, wait a minute I just want to say you you look at the sex offenders registry enough that you know, Jeffrey Jones I saw his general neighborhood and I was like, I guess. This is all happening in real time. You sell like deviant star maps? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So, see, I eventually follow your finger

and realize who you're pointing at. You're pointing at a head gum host, Jeffrey James. This story, the ending of the story is great because it's me not knowing someone who works here's name. You know what, I'm not gonna tell you, I don't give a shit, I thought his name was Jeffrey Jones. And you put us through Jeopardy, so fucking... That's true.

I assumed you were just misspeaking and you got the wires crossed. Well, there was another issue there too, is that the Plowboys were on stage and people were like, the Proud Boys are here. Yes, yeah, yeah. I thought people were saying the Proud Boys. And I was getting really excited to see what they were...

what the Proud Boys were gonna do on stage. But it was the Plow... And the Proud Boys were great. Yeah. They probably should change their name from the Proud Boys. That was a wild one. That night was wild. A lot of fun. My pants fell down when we were doing the dance.

Wait, really? Yeah. Did you not watch the videos, Amelia? I sent a video to the group chat. We were like joke doing Irish step dancing at one point, and then we were all doing it and Mitch went, I think my pants are gonna fall down. And then they did. And then, and also we got a good picture of you, Wiggs.

I don't know if you knew this was happening. No. But this is, that's Wiggs. Oh, there you go. Just passed out at the, you were having a good time though. I had a lovely time, a lot of fun. It was a good time. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, a little belated at this point, but good time though. I had a lovely time, a lot of fun. It was a good time.

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, a little belated at this point, but good to say. Sure, it's April, whatever. Well, St. Patrick's Month, the Irish month, Trump gave us the whole month. That's true. He gave us all of month. We got all of March now.

Pretty good. So. So. Still. Wags, let's hit him with a drop. I forgot that I had to do it. You shall not bust. Bing bongs.

Bird. Butt bowl. Come dudes. Give daddy a kiss. Butt bowl. Fucking condescending pricks. Butt bowl. Float MC Hammer, they put me in the mix.

Gastroesophageal. Fucking condescending pricks. Butt bowl. Float MC Hammer, they put me in the mix. Gastroesophageal. Gastroesophageal sounds very highfalutant. Well. That was fun. I mean it's better than Yoda's ball sack, was that what it was? I don't know, Yoda's ball sack's pretty good. Here's a little drop.

Count Dropula, that's all that there is to it. Oh. Thank you, Count Dropula, that was good. Well done, Count Dropula, drops at birdfuck.com. We got a big one, we got him. We're, Mitch, you and I are both big fans of today's guest. We're very excited to finally get him in studio from Stavizor, and currently touring North America

on his Dreamboat tour. Stavros Halkeas is here, hi Stav. Fellas, thanks for having me. Thanks so much for making time for us. I had to respect the sanctity of the boys riffing back and forth. Even though there was some great stuff. I do respect Yoda's ball sack

because it's sort of like back to basics of a rose where it's like, it doesn't matter who it is. They're Yoda's ball sack. You know what I mean? Like that's a nice one that you hear and you like pick up. You hear it like in sixth grade. And then you take it home to your friends in your neighborhood. Like, Yoda's Ball Sack doesn't really mean anything,

but it is a pretty good roast. It's a catch-all. You call your dad Yoda's Ball Sack accidentally, you get the shit kicked out of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. How dare you call me Yoda's Ball Sack? I didn't leave Greece to be disrespected.

You know, I don't know. I don't know if everybody had that experience. You will fucking respect me. And then he comes back, he's crying, he has all the Star Wars DVDs to make up for it. That kind of classic childhood experience. I had a friend I said, me and another friend said, like it was a hot day, and this was like middle school,

it was like, it's hot as snatch, and she overheard us. And then she came, me and another friend said, like it was a hot day, and this was like middle school, and she was like, it's hot as snatch. And she overheard us. And then she came to school the next day and was so mad. She was like, I got in so much trouble because I was in the car with my mom, I told her it was hot as snatch. And she's also a Jehovah's Witness. Oh, that's tough.

Jesus. That is tough. I think that little joke about child abuse might have actually happened to her. If I had to guess. Jesus that is them. I think that little joke about child abuse might actually happen to her Also fucking little punk Weger said it's hot a snatch 12 year 13, you know, you're trying to be a little bit of natural gonna be hot a snatch this week You see the it's getting this really? Damn I'm gonna be gone. No this week. You see, it's getting this up in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Damn, I'm mad I'm gonna be gone. You know what I hate? Yeah. Ice cold snatch. I think that's a big issue, man. If somebody has cold pussy, I think you're in the morgue, man. You know what I hate when I'm accidentally having sex with a corpse?

That slab is so hard on your back. Wait a minute. Stav, you've been touring. You're kind enough to make time for us while you're briefly here in LA. What is your road eating routine? Because I know it's always a little bit chaotic and we tour a lot less than you, but you're on the road for weeks at a time.

Yeah, yeah. No, it's brutal. I mean, the road has tried to kill me every time. Every time I go on a tour, I get fatter, more unhealthy. My life gets so much worse. And so I'm trying so desperately not to. Truly, I've gained maybe 30 pounds every tour because it's just like- Yeah, sure.

You can do draw. It's just like the best. You can get as fucked up as you want. You can eat dog shit. There's no rails on your life. And so I'm really desperately, this is like a tour where I'm trying not to just like, I'm trying to stay alive. You know what I mean? Like being a fat, when you start looking at the actuarial tables for fat comedians' lifespans,

it's not looking good when you just keep doing drugs past 35, so you know, I'm trying to keep, this was the most unhealthy meal I've probably had the whole tour, honestly. Wow, wow, that's pretty good. I've been keeping it pretty good. Actually, that's not true, I did a different food show, sorry, where they made even more food.

This was less healthy, but that was more food. Sure, yeah. Anyway, I've eaten like shit maybe four times, but I'm trying to keep it together. And yeah, it's just a lot of, I'm hitting Costco's. Yeah. I'm getting like pre-made shit. I'm getting these fucking sumo oranges.

I'm a big fan of the sumo orange. Okay. You guys fuck with those? Big boys? Yeah, and they have a little top knot, you peel that off. It feels like candy, like the closest fruit could get to candy and then you know just having protein bars and pretending They're not just candy bars. I've been doing a lot of that too, you know, but yeah, it's like it's really brutal and at first It's awesome. If you're fat and you love you have a food addiction you're on the road and there's no

You have no access to food. It's like oh, yeah, I'm getting burgers, I'm getting wings. You just get some fucked up Uber Eats orders going as well. So it is tough, but you know, I'll eat. I'm trying, I mean, this is at my most boring right now where it's like a lot of like steak, I've been like getting steak filets and like a asparagus and you know, eating like a spoiled like rich kid. Like a spoiled rich toddler where I'll just have like a filet and like a asparagus and you know, eating like a spoiled rich kid. Like a spoiled rich toddler where I'll just have

like a filet and a baked potato. And then like sushi feels kind of safe. And then you also get sick on the road all the time. Like I just got over something. And so like, I'll have some pho as well. That's sort of like. Oh, there you go. Those are like the, that's like the three

main food groups basically. And canned beans actually. I've been eating like, because I'm on the three main food groups, basically, and canned beans, actually. I've been eating like, because I'm on a bus, so I've been having like some divorced dad breakfast, where it's like canned pinto beans and like sirloin steak, and I make these little sad roll-ups, but. That's like a train hobo meal. Yeah, yeah, I'm like the fanciest train hobo

on a tour bus, dude. We eat a lot of sardines and like canned beans and shit. But yeah, it's been pretty good. I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying being out on the road again Ron Perlman just stared me down so I got scared for a moment hellboy Is just outside the window Damn areas. Yeah, you never know what'll happen here at head gum. Yeah, he's in full the makeup Fucking people up punching them and shit. He's like you will respect hellboy. I haven't seen the movie, but He's kind of being kind of over the top. Also. There's a practical ball sack that he has

Doing that practically, not in CG. No CG, man. I always want to see a new act come into head going, I wonder if that's our replacement. Just celebrities coming in, you're like, ooh, OK, here we go. They're waving to us. Hey, what's up? Hello.

Hey. Wow. He's up? Hello. Hey. Wow. He was very animated there. He might have heard the nut sack riff. Fuck, he's going to fuck me up. Second colored, like second like different colored nut sack riff in 10 minutes. We got Yoda's green nuts. That's what I'm bringing to this show.

Let's see what else we can get. What other color balls? Gotta talk about the minion scrotum to complete the trifecta. Hellboy and Yoda, you got yourself some Christmas nuts, Zach. Oh, there you go. That's true, we can sell that. Sell that as a nice little pack, Christmas nuts.

I know you're a big sport owner, you're a big sports fan. I'm an NBA fan myself. This episode will release just as the regular season is ending. I know you also follow the NBA. Remind me who your team is. So I follow Giannis first and foremost. Yes, yeah. Greek Freak.

The Greek Freak. It's cool to have one of the best players in the world be Greek. I love Giannis. Mitch has some anti-Giannis sentiment just for being a Boston Celtics fan. Of course. Here's the issue.

Our sports fandom does not align. No. I hate the Patriots and the Celtics were definitely a big, I still think about that they should have won game six when Middleton was hurt. I still think about, you know what I mean? I think they would have beat the Warriors

the year you guys lost the Warriors. So I still, actually I was watching that in the DC Imp the DC improv green room Something we're talking about before like I remember these I have yes There's so much we really don't see eye to eye because the Patriots and Ravens the Ravens were sneaky a thorn in the Patriots side a lot of times and But yes, yeah, I was I've been rooting for the Ravens now Yeah, like like I wanted you guys I wanted you guys to win it all this year

Yeah, but it would have been cool Lamar's the man before the Ravens now. I wanted you guys to win it all this year, basically. It would have been cool, Lamar's the man. But yeah, so I follow Yannis. And to be honest, I don't know if, this is a weird thing where the older I get, I'm like, I can't follow the NBA because there's too many games. Yeah, 100%.

When I was just like, when all I did was do shows and come back, especially on the East Coast, you come back, it's like midnight. You catch the second half of like a Kings game or a Lakers game. That was the best. The most I followed the NBA was like, when my life was going bad,

I would go to some shitty bar show and bomb and I would come home and just order like, you know, wings or whatever, whatever fucked up thing from like a little bodega cheeseste steak and just watch that get stoned, eat Ben and Jerry's. There was like a period of my life where the MBA and my food addiction just kind of melded so beautifully. Right, totally.

And so that- What Ben and Jerry's are you talking about by the way? I'm a, my number one is Chubby Hubby. Oh, sure. I just love a pretzel. I love a pretzel, I love a peanut butter. That's the ideal Yeah, like dessert mix to me is is the flavor profile of a chubby hubby. I could do I could

Do a little I could fuck around with the texture a bit Yeah, like they had that Netflix and chilled one. Oh, right similar that has similar stuff But it maybe has a thinner pretzels. I want to say they mash the pretzels up a little bit That's one of the names that just it's a tough that has similar stuff, but it maybe has thinner pretzels, I wanna say, they mash the pretzels up a little bit. That's one of the names that just. It's a tough one. It's a tough name, it sucks. The name is tough, but you have to persevere

for the flavor. Jimmy Fallon's tonight dough, regrettably, is very good. It's so good. I'm laughing with every spoonful. I know. I know. I know. I know.

Americone Dream is good too. Americone Dream is good. You know, a lot of good ones. But yeah, I'm a big... Jimmy, the Tonight Dough has like a... it has a boozy swirl to it and a bloody hand... a bloody hand wrap. It has a rum core. That would be awesome. You know when he hurt his hand? Yeah, yeah. He's just...

He's an athlete. He's a klutz. Yeah, he's a klutz. I can't believe he's a club Surely has nothing to do with anything else Fuck I'm gonna get banned from the tonight show you're done. I can never do the tonight show you're never doing I mean not never gonna be able to play That's right, if you flip the cup well enough you invite

Jimmy likes your pong shot. Come on over. Next day, you have a Peacock sitcom. Yeah, for sure, dude. Let's, because I agree with what you're saying, that I, like, you look at the Bucks and you look at Giannis, like, he, like, obviously won the one title, but it felt like there's never really been, really been a fully healthy Milwaukee roster since then.

Now that they- I still call that as a COVID title. How hilarious, that one. One year later. Yeah. I know, was it the year after that? It was the first year that was normal. It was the actual normal one, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. But like, and then obviously they've abandoned ship on Middleton Which I don't know if that's the right decision or not Like, you know, they swapped in for kuzma was like they they never really have had a real run at it again at full health But I mean, that's the whole difficult either toast No, they're fucked and I actually have a lot of probably I think from the like all the way back to like signing Eric Bled So I feel like this GM, they want a title, so you can't be that mad,

but it's like a lot, and how they fucked up the Bogdanovich deal way back in the day, and they had so many, and even this Dame deal, how did you not think holiday was gonna get to the fucking Celtics? That's just so insane to dangle holiday out there,

and I love Dame, and I thought it was cool. And there is something to be said about just making a trade like a little kid where it's like Dame's cool, Yannis is cool, you know, like put them together. But you know, it just, when Holiday was just out there, I just felt like that was such a mistake. And fucking Kuzma. Kuzma's so good, but it's like, what are we doing here? Like they just waited too long.

If they were going to trade Middleton, they waited too long. And I just think the whole, this just shows you how good Giannis is. Because the fact that they are even competitive, if you take him off that team, that's a fucking tough team, dude. Tough team to watch. I mean, I'll tell you, when I knew,

I mean, I said this to Weiger, is when Doc Rivers came in, I was like, oh, all right, we're good to go. Yeah, exactly, are you kidding me, fucking Doc Rivers came in I was like alright we're good to go. Yeah exactly. Are you kidding me? Doc Rivers? That was so cruel. I feel like as a guy who loves, he won a championship for the Celtics but I'm like would the Celtics

have won more championships without Doc Rivers? It's a huge possibility. For sure. No shout out to Doc Rivers. And I also respect anyone who is that much of a finesse lord who's just bad at his fucking job. Just like knows how to shake the right hands. Just stay, like, how did he even,

it's just off the booth, why they picked Dock Rivers, where, yeah, I do unfortunately fear the Bucks are fucked, but I also, I don't really give a fuck about Milwaukee. Sure. I like Yanis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In my dream world, he ends up on the Knicks, cause I like the Knicks. I live in New York. I grew up in Baltimore.

I could never really root for the Wizards, because it's just a different, DC and Baltimore, it's a different place. They were the Baltimore Bullets at a certain point, but they don't have any cultural ties related to Baltimore. No, no, no. And so that's why it felt right to me to like,

when I moved to New York, I'm like, this is, I'm a fucking New York guy, baby. I'm rooting for the Knicks. I moved there when York, I'm like, this is, I'm a fucking New York guy, baby. I'm rooting for the, you know, I moved there when Porzingis gets drafted. It was like a nice, this is my team now, so. I love Yanis to be in New York. Slices every night. Curse you, Osama.

That's what I think. When you're in New York, that's what happens. I'm in New York, I'm saying fuck Osama. I'm getting fucking, I'm getting bagels. I'm getting fucking halal cards. I'm getting halal cards saying fuck Osama. How about that, Osama? Oh my God, wow. You know what I mean? I don't even, it I'm getting halal. I'm getting halal card and saying fuck Osama. How about that, Osama? You know what I mean?

It's not about the religion. I like Islam. I will eat halal food. It's about you as a man. And about never forgetting. See in California, like Osama, we're like man. You know, we're like man. You guys are kind of like whatever on Osama.

That was kind of when I was like, should I move to LA or New York? It turned me off how meh you guys were about Osama. Because I was like, I know you guys are, you know, it's not in New York, but come on, the guy's a piece of shit. And we're like, we're not choosing. Accidents happen is kind of how we feel about the whole thing. Thinking at 9-11 was a mistake.

It was just a flub. All right, you mentioned Baltimore, which is where you're from. Baltimore has, you know, like, I believe a very large Greek population. There's a Greek town. You're from Greek town. I'm from Greek town in Baltimore, yeah, yeah. What do you think, more crabs in Baltimore or more Greeks? What do you think? There are probably more crabs, I would say. Yeah, I was actually probably right. There's probably a lot of crabs, more crabs. Yeah, I mean I'll eat a dozen that's one 12 We're talking those like Marilyn like those blue crabs right the little guys

Yeah, yeah, those are those are like a little cumbersome to eat, but I have enjoyed them when I've when I've dined on yeah It's about the experience right it's not about the meal Are you like are you are you crab over, man, or how do you feel? Probably, yeah. Just out of Civic Pride for Baltimore. We really do have, it is nice when you go to a, and that's one thing I do like about touring, is you go to somewhere and it's like,

their thing really is better. You can't get a better crab cake than Baltimore. In my true, people have, they fuck them up all over the place. So I think we have, like lump crab is just so fucking good. You can get that at any shitty restaurant in Baltimore. You can have like crab fries, crab dip, whatever, crab pretzels, some good stuff. Like even shitty carry outs, Nacho Mamas may rest in peace, a place I used to always get wings and pizza from.

They just had crab nachos and it was like shitty takeout nachos, but they had like crab that would cost you like 50 bucks for like an ounce. It's like we just kind of have that. We're just kind of throwing it around. So I have to respect that. And that is one thing I do like and I miss about touring and trying to be healthy is like trying to keep it together, like not getting a fucked up burrito in San Francisco, not going crazy in San Diego, like that hurt me

to fucking like eat meal prepped food instead of getting a fucking burrito with fries in it this run. I was crying. That's all we do on the road. That's the whole thing. It's like you're in a place, and we're doing a fucking food podcast,

and sometimes what we're doing is, we're in a good food city. We're in Minneapolis, but we're doing a fucking food podcast, and sometimes what we're doing is, you know, we're in a good, we're in like a good food city. We're in like Minneapolis, but we're eating like fucking Taco John's, which is dog shit. So we wanna have a treat meal, and so you go out and get a Juicy Lucy, and then you feel like shit the rest of the tour. You just feel fucking, you're on stage doing a live show

and just you're feeling a log form. Yeah. And right above your Yoda nut sack. You feel fucking. You got a little Yoda nut sack trying to pop out. Maybe that's what it is. Shit. Maybe Yoda's nut sack is the deranged shits that you guys take after what you eat.

It's like little tight green balls. Covered with hair. Yeah, just getting hairy. No, dude, that feeling of just like bubbling ass, your stomach, you're like, I've taken Pepto Bismol the way like an NFL player injects himself with a painkiller to play, you know what I mean? Like when you're that, just eating like shit and then being like, just so I don't shit myself

for the 55 minutes I'm on stage, I need Pepto Bismol. Like yeah. Pepto smells like, they smell like smelling salts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amelia, you're a huge Pepto. Huge Pepto freak. Ooh, okay. What are your favorite,

because these are the only thing Pepto's done. They've become flavors, they've gotten flavors, which I have a big issue with, because it's like they're clearly targeting fat people. Like why is Pepto chewable now? They know I'm gonna have fucking five berry flavored Pepto's. Like you can't give fat people the tastiest medicines.

Yeah, also- Like, they're stealing our money. Pepto gravy was kind of a- It seemed like at that point we were like, hold on a second. Yeah, when they start going savory. Uh, do you dabble with the chewables at all? I dabble with the Tom's chewables. Okay, yes.

The mixed berries. The mixed berries, yeah. It's like candy. Exactly what I'm saying. They have a fucking- Tom's has something called berry delight I'm not I should not be delighted Good and then my stomach should feel better I shouldn't be so tasty I have fucking eight and now I'm out, you know $14 because I'm gonna get them again

That's so good. They were making fun of because I do I do the men's one a day and I do and I do gummy I do the gummy and they are like pretty fucking I know you see my mom's chocolate woman's multivitamin. That's some real fat boy shit Where it's like I'm on Weight Watchers as a child and they've taken away all my good shit So I like on I peel five of my mother's chocolate women's multivitamin and mash it into one little fudge ball and pretend I'm having a dessert. Yeah, dude.

You can really get creative. I was in a thing called Fit Kids when I was younger, which was like they took young fat kids to the Y basically. And then there was an article in the newspaper. I was like, I don't want to be in the fuck. It was me with weights, lifting weights. I was like, I don't wanna be in the, it was like me with like weights, like you know, like lifting weights. I was like, I don't want people to see I'm in Fit Kids. And also like it never, nothing happened.

I stayed the same fucking size. But I, Amelia, I'll always give, especially if we're doing shows or whatever, she'll be there with Pepto for me. But my issue is, is that it binds me. I have like a little Nosferatu shit after that. I like it, like it really, it backs me up. It is disgusting. It is calling to you all night.

Because it's like, you have to shit, but it won't let you. It won't let you, yes. It's constantly kind of like sending you visions of how horrible the shit is going to be the next morning. And then it is, it's dark, it's pitch black. It's green and weird. It's a Yoda's nut sack shit. It literally is a Yoda's nutsack shit.

And if you want to get crazy, combine it with fiber. You ever do that? You ever go Metamucil plus Pepto-Bismol? You get one of the most fucked up shits imaginable. It's like a speedball medicine. I'm trying that tonight. But yeah, dude, that's when you've really done the fattest touring possible. We are like, nothing I've eaten has contained any fiber,

and it's given me diarrhea. So you have fucking Metamucil and Pepto-Bismol, and then good. And we're taking a tour bus, and you're not supposed to shit on the bus. So I've been doing extra Pepto just in case. God forbid. And so there have been some like wake up

fucking bolt awakening U city and just run to the nearest business with a bathroom and take the most horrifying shit like imaginable. We never, during a live show, we've never had to do that at least where I've had to run off stage, but probably close. I used to be days I had to run off stage and go to the bathroom at one point.

But I don't know if you ever had to. You had to leave the stage and take a shit. I had to leave the stage and take to the bathroom at one point. But I don't know if you ever had to. You had to leave the stage and take a shit. I had to leave the stage and take a shit. I've never had that happen to me. I've definitely had like, either I feel like I'm gonna have diarrhea just before a show and like, it was like, well, there's no time, I just gotta deal with this.

I'm just holding in a shit while I'm doing comedy. So present. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, you're just like, you're having like shit sweat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, people like are like,

like can smell like shit sweat. It's a different sort of sweat. Yeah. But I did a, Hanford and I did a thing that it's, we put it in our, in the birthday boy, the sketch show that I was on the birthday boys, where I drank like a whole gallon of milk on stage.

But then I ran, I ran off and barfed for that. But there was only one time where I had to run and shit in the bathroom where a rat jumped on Neal Campbell's shoulder. It was horrible. Like there's people like doing like crazy eights and like improv warmups and you're like, excuse me, sorry guys.

And it's like, just like you can hear everything in the fucking bathroom. It fucking sucked. That's horrible Yeah, I was shitting in that bathroom once and there's like an improv team like warming up outside And I just I'm just like you know like the you know it's like the loudest like fucking farts But I'm also like whatever they're just they're minding their own business, and then I hear one of them say like all right your suggestion Is echo fart Your suggestion is he's been there long enough. He might also be beating off

I was done before they got through the crazy eggs One two three four five six, all right, I'm using that them counting you down I want to I want I wanted to say you told the story beforehand That was really is that you did Julian elements podcast. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and he and he gave me the football Yes, he threw a trick play on the Ravens. I was at that game, which is so. Yeah. So annoying. I hate I hate the fucking Patriots. They're a piece of shit organization.

It sucks. Dick, that Drake may seems like he's good. He is that pisses me the fuck off. It's good. It's such a dipshit. That is that's been like, you know, craft is nice. No, no, craft sucks. No, no. I mean, no. For my for my. what I'm saying is it's good that he's a piece of shit Belichick is I said on his podcast, but he's become Robert De Niro's character from bad grandpa He's like she wasn't a lot What when he won the first Super Bowl

So that's that's cool Brady's like I've been a sperm possibly Curvy-ass does that make you gay or a pedophile? To be attracted to sperm? It's one or the other. I'm not sure which one. We're like, that's a sexy scrub. It's kind of the age old question with the Doughboys, honestly. No one really knows what our deal is. Just, we'll fucking under a microscope and be like, God damn, that thing's got a nice tail on it

But yes, I I went to Edelman's podcast He is the one guy from the Patriots that you can root for because he was a you know journeyman like you know worked his way up became super, that's, that is an inspiring story for people that, like, you know, like, I, you know, we have somehow careers in entertainment. None of us should have that. You know what I mean? It's like being just fat as shit. Like, this is not what, what, uh, what actors look like. Like, me and Mitch are both good at fucking TV shows.

That makes no sense. You know what I mean? Like, so, like, I like seeing a guy who had no business winning Super Bowl MVP, just like a slot receiver. That's cool. Edelman's a cool story. And so I like him. I was at that Super Bowl and we bet that he was gonna win MVP.

Wow. And it paid for almost all the trip. It was fucking awesome. That's fucking awesome. Wait, really? Yeah. What kind of odds did you get? Do you remember?

The odds were like, it was great. Wu Tang, I was with Wu Tang, so of course a bet was placed. And then, and in Chankton, and we went Edelman. And I loved that, I mean, it was like, people thought that Super Bowl sucked, but I was having a great time. It was like, where we won like nine to three or whatever that Super Bowl was.

He seems like a great guy. But he was fucking awesome, but yes, he handed me this fucking ball that he threw a touchdown on the, like I was holding the actual ball, not not like it was the fucking thing that and in that split second He's this nice guy who put me on his podcast famous athlete millionaire. I'm in his beautiful home in that second I just want to be like fuck like I was like I want to stab this with a knife Give me this fucking shit

In that moment, I just wanted I was like I like, I made a joke about like, I, if I had an incinerator, I would throw this in here. I was like, I was like, you have to take this for me. I couldn't, I could not handle it, but that, and that's what I love about sports. So it just taps into that fucking idiot part of your brain. Yeah. Yeah. Where it's purely tribal. It's like Baltimore, good. Pittsburgh, like Baltimore and Pittsburgh have a rivalry, exact same place. Oh, they're very similar. I've been to fucking Pittsburgh,

it's just like a place that industry has forgotten that like is kinda artsy, kinda cool, but it's like, but when football happens, it's like, fuck them, dude. I would fucking kill that guy. I would stab a guy in the heat of the moment, you know what I mean? Like if it really, if it's like a real, like stab a guy in the heat of the moment. You know what I mean? Like if it really if it's like a really like stab this guy we win the Super Bowl

There would be like four seconds where I would do it Hopefully I don't have a knife Like that's how much that's how much it works you up into like a right stupid lather Well, like so I do I grew up in SoCal I've been a Laker fan my whole life and like it's just like like Mitch's Patriots just an evil team You're rooting for that gets everything handed them. Of course this season we get the Luca Donchus train.

Unbelievable. And for me, but again, it's just like the sports brand of like the pendulum swings from, cause he's on the Mavericks, like this fucking guy. And these other Lakers like, I love him! My fellow chubby Eastern European, I love him. He just becomes your guy instantly. Of course.

And it has, they just change shirts they're wearing, you know? Luca is the man though, I do love him. He's incredible. Anybody who's kind, who's a little too fat, who's like, is so good, but he's like, I refuse to get less fat, I'm a professional athlete. I refuse to stop drinking beers, suck my dick,

what are you gonna do, trade me? And they did, it's pretty funny. That is also pretty funny to see a dumb Eastern European get his comeuppance. Right. Because it is like, he should probably, you know, lose a little. You know what I mean? Like you're a fucking athlete, whatever. But it's like, it is funny to see somebody get their bluff called. But then the Mavericks are so fucking fucked. Yeah.

Shout out to him though. Shout out to Harden for the same reason. I love that he was, he never reached his potential because he was getting fucked up and going to strip clubs. Yes. That's cool. That's why sports is about. It's not about, if you're a guy who cares about championships, you're just a sports nerd. Like sports is about-

And maybe there's too many sports nerds now. Too many sports nerds. The coolest guys do a little crime, nothing crazy, you know what I mean? Nothing too fucked up. Little crime, little fucking go to strip clubs, like have you know, Just crazy jewelry. Like you gotta be cool, dude. That's the whole point. You just want to be like a dork? No, thanks. The Celtics team is very, they're very-

No aura. No aura, zero vibes emanating off them. They're fucking dorks, dude. I love them. They are dorky, but I do love them. We need, yeah, it would be nice if we had a crazy guy in there. We need a crazy, somebody fun, crazy guy. Yeah, that's Tatum. Tatum is so, he's the classic boring but good guy. Right, yeah. No vibes whatsoever, which is good.

But it's worth it to have a Tim Duncan, you know what I mean? Tim Duncan was a boring but good, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Yeah, those guys were secretly fucking each other's wives though, the Spurs. Now we're talking. Yeah, Barry, somebody cucked now. We're talking yeah, Barry

Somebody cucked Barry there was oh, yeah, there's a whole thing. I believe it was Tony Parker point guard Yeah, it cucked whichever Barry brother was on remember which very brother was but that's so they were up to and then if he was a doughboy's house But no you're right the I I'm fucking eating it up right now. But no, you're right. I do like, you know, a little boring. It's probably worth it, but you know. I was genuinely rooting for the Ravens. Thank you, man.

The Ravens and the Bills, I felt bad for the Bills at that point, too. Of course. It had to be one of us, and of course it wasn't. But at least the fucking Chiefs didn't win, I guess. Yes. I know. I was happy about that. And shut out, I do like Philly, because it is, again, kind of a cousin of that mid-Atlantic trash.

We have a lot in common. And it goes up to Boston, too, where pieces of shit do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It definitely does. There is a kitchip there, and I, it was one of those things where I went to Boston fully ready to be like, fuck Boston, this place sucks. Always have a great time. Love the roast beef. Shout out to Kelly's.

Oh, yeah. But I used to open for Bobby Kelly. They took me, my first road weekend, I had Kelly's roast beef. So it's like very special to me of like, wow, I'm a real comedian. I was like living in Baltimore and he took me with him to Boston. I fucking love him. It was a great weekend.

This guy fucking didn't give a shit about Kelly's roast beef. We didn't have a great experience at Kelly's roast beef. You guys were just sick of the city already, because it was the first stop we made. I was going to say we went right from the airport, I thought. I had a great time at D'Angelo. I had a great time at the restaurant. I had a great experience at Kelly's Roast Beef. The one we went to. You guys were just sick of the city already, because it was the first stop we made. I was gonna say we went right from the airport, I thought.

I had a great time at D'Angelo. I like the food of Boston. I've actually, and similar to you, it's like it would be better for the podcast if I went to Boston, and it was like Boston sucks, but my times, my visits I've been to Boston is like, it's a beautiful city, it's very walkable. You got the train. Love the choo-choo,

love the train there, love the public transit, and it's a great food city. So it's like, yeah, I don't know. Great Chinese. Great Chinese food, yeah, yeah. We're gonna do Chinatown next time you're back there. You gotta do that. Which is gonna be this summer.

Hey, well, there we'll go. I was saying the story beforehand, which I don't know if I ever told on the show, but I did a bit with Brady, which is a behind, and I was saying, I was like a behind the scenes guy and was in between his takes. I was like, you gotta shoot with this fat guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I did a bit where I showed my belly button and I literally stunk and he talks about it in the video. He's like, oh, it stinks. He can smell my fucking belly button. Damn, that's a tough one. It was fucking, it was tough. That's a specific scent, you don't get a lot of places either, the depths of a fat guy's belly button

That's brutal and there was a crazy thing is like I was like man this guy like he plays with big fat linemen But he was like was like annoyed with me and then he threw me a pass and I caught it and I Pretended to fuck the football and then the rest of the day he was just like me and I pretended to fuck the football. And then the rest of the day, he was just like, bitch, he fucking loved me after that. Well, obviously, Brady loved me. And I still love that guy, he's probably as annoying as you think he is.

Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But see, here's the thing, I like Brady though, because he's paid his debts, his life is ruined now. You know what I mean? He's lost his family, he's trying to be a broadcaster, and it's not gonna work, he's bad at it. And it's like, I liked seeing the last dance because Jordan was not happy.

You know what I mean? And it's like, that's the lesson. It's like, those guys have bad lives. You can achieve, but it's like, you're trading all your happiness in that little zone. So it's like, you know what, Brady had it, but I probably have a, I'm probably happier than Tom Brady right now,

which is hilarious to think about. It is, there's a huge possibility. You can't eat anything. Like, which is hilarious to think about. There's a huge possibility. You can't eat anything. And that already to me is like, what the fuck is it worth? So talking about you're on a tour bus, and you were talking to us a little bit before, you have a griddle. Got a grill going.

So what's your go-to-me? You said steaks and asparagus. Yeah, so, so on the bus, we'll like, I'll go to fucking Costco and we'll get canned beans and we'll get like pre-made sirloin stuff. I also have crab meat from like just some Baltimore, it is hilarious to be this, but it's, the macros are good, bro. A lot of protein, you know?

I'm trying to be a macros guy. And so I will just have the weirdest like hobo train meals for real, where it's like sardines like microwaved rice Yeah, I think on the second half. We're gonna get a rice cooker. Oh, that's I think we're gonna up it I think I get a little air fry. I think I'm gonna go fucking crazy. I love it I got a so Zorushi Zorushi It's great the neuro fuzzy

Big Zorushi guy I love it a little fucking microchip in that motherfucker that so it it Senses the wall even if you fuck the water up. Yeah, it like it's like that's the kind of AI I get behind right now that you've talked about this microchip No, I mean because I we have like a rice cooker that we've had for like 20 years And it's just like a very standard thing, but I mean it gets the job done I mean, it's like it's one of the best best, you know, kind of kitchen appliances you can have is a rice cooker, very functional. But yeah, I've never thought about like investing

in like a super fancy one. It's awesome, dude. It plays a little tune. It plays when it's not. I love that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. It's awesome.

It is twinkle, twinkle little star, basically. It's twinkle, twinkle little star, but it's good. And you throw a little, you put a little garlic and a little coconut oil in there. Oh, 100%, yeah. It's good as shit, dude. I've been using broths. I cook it with broths now. Love that, dude.

So when you're, so all right, you're on the bus here. Is the bus moving while you're cooking? I mean, I've done that. I've heated shit up that I cooked. And it's like, it is moving. But most of the time, it's just parked. You're mostly sleeping. Are you boys with the bus driver?

He's the man. Shout out to my guy, Thomas. I don't know him at all. We met I told you you got it was a Tracy Moore in bus driver. You got for cheap Keep tailing Walmart trucks He flew he was a little too close he got a little Icarus mode on that last one a little too close to the Sun If we could just get a little, you know, if they bump us, we're looking at a couple million. I don't need to be in a fucking, I don't need to be in a coma, but I could put on a fucking neck brace for a little bit.

Get some of that Walton money, you know? I was in Arkansas, the home of Walmart. I was like in the Walmart, and there was like a ton of Walmarts everywhere. Yeah, sure. And it was like a the Walmart, and there was like a ton of Walmarts everywhere. Yeah, sure. And it was like a little town, Bentonville. And it basically was like, the Walmart people like built a town.

It's very much like, like what's it called? The Americana or something. Walmart's still the biggest employer in a lot of states. It's one of those, you look at a map now of biggest employers, and it's all just like Walmart or Amazon. And it's just like, you know,

the country's just basically cleaved into, which is, you know, kind of where we're at. But I do want to know. I mean, it's true. It sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Their lives are bad.

Yeah. I want to go back to Baltimore a little bit because like, like, like obviously, you know, crab, I think is what everybody thinks of. But I know the food scene is a lot more than that. Sure. Like, what are like the foods that make you think of home? Yeah, I mean, I would say if we're gonna keep it kind of doughboys focused and think about our chains

and stuff, we, my sort of the regional one that I love is Royal Farms chicken, which is a gas station. Oh, I've never even heard of this. Royal Farms, Roe Fo, truly like just incredible. It's incredible gas station fried chicken. And it's like, there's sides or whatever. It's one of those places where it's like, you know, the sides are fine.

Yeah, sure. Western fries, whatever. But it's so good that it's sort of become, they've just opened more and more than there are almost just restaurants now. You know, that's a great one that is kind of regional. And maybe we're expanding a little bit to up the mid- the mid Atlantic or whatever. But you know, we have we have our own version of the like roast beef where you have pit

beef, the Baltimore has just a couple great places. But yeah, I mean, in terms of like Baltimore specific stuff, yeah, it wasn't anything, you know, obviously crab stuff. I grew up. The truth is, I'm I'm a first generation immigrant. My parents came here in the early 80s and when they moved to your Greek town in Baltimore, it was a really Greek community. Sure. And they were pretty insular. My dad to this day doesn't speak good English.

Yeah. Unless you're talking to him about lumber, he's a carpenter. Unless you're talking about wood, he has no idea what the fuck you're talking about mostly and so we didn't have anything but like Greek food pizza and like Chinese and I didn't have anything until I was like You know, I kind of have tacos till I was like 16, right? You know what I mean? Like and then we got the weird little fucked up Like, you know store bought ground beef tacos and stuff like that. So it was really like, I grew up on Greek food. My mom was a waitress at a Greek restaurant.

And then we would get Popeyes fried chicken. We were a big fried chicken family. Hell yeah, I love it. And then the classic McDonald's, that kind of stuff. But just like regional stuff that I miss, nothing that crazy. It's all, it's like the, it's truly like seafood crab stuff.

Right. You can get pretty much everything now. We're all like, we have more food than emperors. Like, of antiquity, like we live so good, it's crazy. What are your favorite Greek dishes? I like, I like a grill, the grilled version of Greek stuff. Okay. Like, you know, I mean, the home cooked stuff,

like a moussaka or like a pastiche or that kind of stuff. That's fine, but like throw me some lamb chops on a grill, throw me some fried calamari. It's like whatever the meal you get, the quintessential Greek dining experience for me is you're on vacation, you're on an island, you're on a beach, and every beach in Greece I've ever been to just has a restaurant and they all have the exact same menu. And it's like fried, you get calamari, you get some fresh seafood. Whatever's fresh, you get some lamb chops, you get some tzatziki, a Greek salad.

It's just simple shit. It's grilled meats and some fresh vegetables that actually taste good. Pretty good. It's among my favorite foods. We talk about this a lot. Yeah, Mediterranean food, generally, certainly, yeah. I love it.

We were gonna ask you to do some sort of Greek food, and then we thought it maybe would be offensive. No, no, Yeah, I love it. We were going to ask you to do some sort of Greek food and then we thought it maybe would be offensive. No, no, no. I would have done it. I actually, I do have a blind spot about LA Greek food because I do have like East Coast bias where I'm like, I just, any time I'm not on the East Coast, I'm like, the Greek food sucks, Dick.

Just automatically. And I know there's a couple of places where people keep telling me you got to try them. There's a couple of good spots. Yeah. So I like Papa Christos, everybody talks about it. I do feel like I'm being disrespectful of Papa Christo not doing it, but like, and so maybe I would, I would, you know, I'd be open to,

I gotta try it out, but no, I'm down to do whatever. There's a lot of generally good Mediterranean food in LA just cause there's like a large Armenian population, there's like a Persian population, so you know. The kebab game is out of control. Yeah, the kebab game is good. There was a place called Greekmans. Actually, it still exists, Greekmans.

Cause it was, it was the Jewish deli and I forget the name of it. And the Greek guy just took it? Well, he was like, he was like dibs. It's not Fleischmans anymore, it's Greekmans. Yeah, Greekmans. That's what it was. It was Fleischmans?

It was something like that, yes. I was trying to think of what the name was. Yeah. I mean, I might not Fleishmans anymore, it's Greekmans. Greekmans. That's what it was. It was Fleishmans? It was something like that, yes. I was trying to think of what the name was. Yeah. I mean, I might not be Fleishmans. So, Greek, I was like, here's the one problem with this place. Yeah. Too many Jews.

It's like the place in, I think it was Carson, near where I grew up. Freedmans. Freedmans, okay. Freedmans, and then it became Greekmans. It became Greekmans. That is a hilarious Greek person move to be like, we'll just take it over. I think they were like, I think the owners are still the owners. They were just like, we're gonna became Greekmen. That is a hilarious Greek person move to be like, we'll just take it over.

I think the owners are still the owners. They were just like, we're going to be Greek now. That's actually hilarious. Greekmen's is nice. It's good. There's a place I think in Carson, California, near where I grew up that was a Taco Bell. It was like the old school mission style Taco Bell that had the bell, and then it closed,

and then it reopened its Thai Bell. You gotta love that. They can keep two of the letters. The H's just squeezed in. Wiggs, this year has been crazy busy. We've been potting. We had the Munch Madness Tournament. It's been wild so far.

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helixsleep.com slash doughboys. That's helixsleep.com slash doughboys. All right. We're talking about a big burger chain today. Like what are your burger preferences? preferences generally? Yeah, I'm a, I like a, I'm not a big fast food burger guy, honestly, because from, again, little weird childhood quirks, my family was just, my mom was so scared of mad cow disease growing up.

And I think I'm right at the age, I'm 36 know, I'm 36, I think, like, I remember, the first time I heard about Jack in the Box was when they had that, when they had the scare. You would've been a kid, you know, like the age of the, you know, like, when that was hitting, when the E. coli scare in the Pacific Northwest that actually, like, killed some people, it was like, you know,

and that was like, fast food was, like, at its least safe and at least policed at that point. Although I will say, as a fat child, and that was like fast food was like at its least safe and at least at least at that point Although I will say as a fat child hearing about a new Fast-food even though it was killing people. I was like I gotta get jacket I remember being in third grade hearing this news story and my mom's like point being stay away from fast food me being like You're telling me there's a whole other type of fast food There's more than McDonald's. But so because of that, we would go to McDonald's,

but my mom was like, no beef. She was always like, you cannot, we would get chicken. So I've, most of my life was nuggets, spicy chicken sandwiches, that kind of shit. So it took me a while. It took me to being like such a degenerate, poor stoner who's like 20, open mic'er with no real job, who wanted meat to be like high enough one day

to be like, fuck it, let's go get burgers at McDonald's. Like I never had a Big Mac growing up. I never had like, and then even after that, because I came from burgers from a like, much more of I would say backyard burger ethos. Yes, sure. It's like, give me some fucking meat.

Give me some charred meat and pretty... I don't want too many fixings on it. And then I became a bacon cheeseburger guy, because then you're like, all right, if I'm crafting my own shit, I'm going to make it with good stuff. So I was always a little... even then I would be like, pretty skeptical of a fast food burger, because I would like, you know, I guess Five Guys was when I, was what kinda, it felt like the bridge to McDonald's burgers

and Burger King burgers for me, because I would make my own shit, and then it was like Five Guys came around, I was like, all right, this is pretty good, this feels like you can customize, and then once the Rubicon had been crossed, then I was all into, I'll try any fucking weird burger. And I was excited about today because I had never had

the chain that we did. Oh, shit, I had no idea. I had never had it. And it was so funny because I was emailing, I emailed you guys, I was like, yeah, I'm trying to be healthy. Yeah. And it was like, and I,

Amelia sent me like good, healthy options. And then at the end it was like, Hardee's, I'm like, wow, I mean, I'm really something like good healthy options and then at the end was like hardy's. I'm like Wow, I mean I'm on fucking dough boys. I can't do I can't have fucking cold brew I can't have I can't have moon bowls or fucking or tea. We love the choice It's been a while. It's been a while since we haven't talked about Carl's jr. Slash hardys Which is one company under two brands since 2018 I believe with our Atlanta, Johnston which is one company under two brands since 2018, I believe, with our friend Atlanta Johnston.

That feels cool. So you've never had it. Never had it, first time. Emma, you've also never had Carl's Do Your Hardest. I had also never had it. What the fuck's wrong here? I know, and I said that in the group chat yesterday. Mitch literally said, what the fuck?

And I was like, okay, then I guess I gotta get a burger. I also have forgotten since yesterday, so it's still. I still got mad. I probably, the first time I was like, well, I gotta get a burger. Star Wars never had it. I've never had it. Let's go.

We'll see if you remember this. Also, Evan Susser, also from Maryland, had never had Carl's Jr. on his before. Wait, what? Yeah. Is that real? It's true. I also don't remember it.

You gave him a bunch of shit in the group chat. You did. You bullied him in the group chat. You remember that? You're like, I don't believe this. This just bullies in his sleep now I hangover My seatbelt mask is working

Yeah dude, you're getting that good rem dude I had a dream about Irma I had a dream about the cats last night And then there were three more cats that I saved Which obviously you guys have said that I have issues with the cats You know what? Tony Soprano with the cats It is kind of similar to that. And I woke up oddly with an erection.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Which is I think just my body is like, I think there's oxygen going to my dick for the first time in forever. My dick was like, my dick was blue

and now it's like getting, there's oxygen molecules going to my actual penis Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I wake up with I wake up with a morning wood as Ben will say and I have it Thinking about cats? Yeah, I was thinking about cats but that was not the- there was no crossover there There was like fucking I'mes cat food on your chest You're dicking so hard, you like, what was I doing last night?

I think we have almost every color of the rainbow genitals spoken about. We need a purple, we need Roy G. Biv. Let's get them all, dude. Let's get some indigo nuts. Grimacee stick. How do you guys do, what is your burger like so general? What's your platonic? Ideal well first of all that mad cow meat. I've heard people like they can't stop chasing at the people who had a back It's I hear it's like that's like If you get the mad cow shit We have talked about this before like I read an article about about people eating human flesh to survive and they've all said like

It's good as sweet as meat I've ever had. And I will never like taste anything like it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I mean. I mean, if we're ever on the road together up in like the mountains, I'm going to be you're going to fucking take it off the road intentionally. Just crash. There's like two inches of snow.

I just start biting my arm. Going to town immediately. I now remember the Susser thing. And he was full of shit. He's had fucking Carl's Jr. before. I now remember this. He was like, I never had it either. I was like, you never had Carl's Jr.

and you did a smile. He was just trying to get a free bird. Yeah, he wanted a free bird. And then he cancelled. I figured that's what he was doing, but... He cancelled this morning. He was like, I'm not gonna make it in. He texted at 6 a.m.

So woke up, immediately was just thinking about, Good burger! The equivalent of cat fucking cats to you was, he was thinking of a Hardee's burger at 6 a.m. His dick is hard thinking about a Western cheeseburger. I will say that's cute though because it's funny to, it's almost like a married couple that still flirts. Yeah.

It's Susser pretending he needs a reason to get to steal food from you guys. Like that seems to be his go-to move. So I kind of, you know, as a fan of the show, it's nice to see he's still putting in some effort being like, well, I've never even had it. You know what I mean? Like that's kind of cute. He's being like demure about it It was I was shocked that he canceled it and then he did He showed up when it was like oh we didn't get your burger you can just have one of these burgers

Yeah, yeah, it's kind of annoying but To answer your question about burger preferences in general. So I grew up in I grew up in Southern, California I've never left. And so I have a lot of affection for an In-N-Out burger, that style of burger. There actually is an In-N-Out burger, Simulacrum, which I think is called the California burger they do at Carl's Jr. Hardee's.

I did see that, it felt cheap. Because I've also only had In-N-Out once, and I was so stoned out of my mind. It was like when a friend had road tripped here. So I felt like I wanted to actually, if I ever have it again, which I will, I didn't want to do the cheap knockoff, but it felt like that to me. I'm used to people saying in and out burger

doesn't live up to the hype, which I've made peace with, which is fine, because it's also like- I used to do it to annoy you back then. Yeah, but I grew up with it, so of course I have nostalgia for it. Well, you know what my take was? My take was that Carl's Jr. is better than In-N-Out. That's like, when I first got here,

I was like, hey, like you as a young boy, it was Jack in the Box and then Carl's Jr. I was like, what's this fucking Carl's Jr.? And then late night getting Carl's Jr. was great. For sure. And I, so, but also because I grew up here, we had Carl's Jr. And there was the, Carl's Jr. I think was actually

the closest like fast food restaurant I could walk to from our childhood home in Lakewood, California. I get all the time with my older brother I loved it at the Western bacon cheeseburger was like my favorite fast His order. What did he get? He'd he'd get you know, he'd do a lot as the fried zucchinis, which I got which he got me into But they had fried zucchini back in the day. Yeah No, that's like a long time staple of the menu. Fascinating. But I always thought, and it's not on the same level

anymore, but there was a time when I was kind of like, oh, Carl's Jr. is kind of akin to a Wendy's. It's like a step above like McDonald's or Burger King. It's like a little bit nicer. And then obviously they swung the pendulum in the other direction. And now it's like trying to be like a trashier. It's trying to be like a Jack in the box, honestly. Just having this over the top kind of stoner food. I'm gonna tell myself. I and now it's trying to be like a trashier, it's trying to be like a jack-in-the-box, honestly,

just having this over-the-top kind of stoner food. I'm gonna tell myself. I feel like it's done, well, I think this about, yeah, about Carl's Jr. is that, I remember Gaye versus, we were talking about, we weren't doing drugs, but I was like, I haven't done drugs in forever. He's like, yeah, there's not a lot of obese 40-year-olds

that do coke, dude, they die. And when I think about Carl's Jr. I'm like, there's not a lot of like, there's not a lot of 40 year old dudes who get late. And I like Carl's Jr. is like a 20, like a 20 something year olds game. It feels like, it feels like a young man's burger. And I like, I'm like, if I was doing like a Carl's Jr. burger, like, you know, like one night a week, like I used to, I feel like I would, I feel like I would die probably.

And that's like, it just is these big fucking sloppy burgers. But anytime I have them, I'm like, they're fucking, they are really good. The burgers are just, it's that BK thing-wise, where I don't know if it's just fake smoke or whatever. But like the flame grilled burger, I'm spitting all over the place just thinking about the burger, I'm sorry.

And I felt fucking sick, I got the fat grilled burger, I'm spitting all over the place just thinking about the burger, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I felt fucking sick, I got the fat guy shot, I felt so sick today and I still. Powered through. About 75% of that burger I took down. But it was, but that, just that, and I think it goes back to the thing you're saying of like a backyard burger on the grill. And Carl's Jr. just has that fucking taste to it

for a big fast food shitty burger. And I kind of love it. I can't help it. For sure. Yeah. I agree with you that it has like that little smoky. And I will say like overall, I just think maybe it's just because of being a kid who'd never got them, but it does feel fucked up to me to eat ground beef

from one of these places. Yeah, sure. Fundamentally, you know what I mean? I think it's much safer to stick with something that's been frozen and then revived in a deep fryer, like a fried chicken or a fried fish. I think that's a safer bet at one of these places. For sure. Because yeah, a lot of them are just,

whatever, they're not paying their employees enough and there's all sorts of reasons why it might be unsafe. They should go crazy, because I think we're in the holy months. Sure, yeah, yeah. She's going nuts. That was at the, at Tammoshantr, a lady came up to me. She was like, were you in the show Love on Netflix?

And I was like, yeah. And she was like, and do you go to Holy Trinity of the Cross Church? And I was like, yeah, I sometimes go to, I sometimes, were you guys there? I watched the whole thing. That's awesome. And I was kind, yeah, I sometimes go to I sometimes do were you guys there for I think? And I was kind of embarrassed yeah 1a 1b credits Sad that I'm like a fucking I'm like the whatever the Walmart version of Chris Pratt That is funny, yeah, those guys did get into fucking God, huh? Yeah. That's such a wild, hilarious move. To be like, I love God so fucking much now.

I got all the cool shit in the world happening and now I like God. It's like, well yeah, it's easy now, motherfucker. You're fucking rich. Oh, you cheated on your wife and now you found God. I don't know if that happened Chris Pratt I know you work with it, but but like that feels like that kind of move It's like you finally get pussy and you're like God took me God. Thank you for saving me from all this cool shit I finally have access to God. God. Thank you for taking me away from that ice-cold snatch From that feline temptress in my dreams Finally get that hot snatch.

From that feline temptress in my dreams. Carl's Jr. and Hardee's, it's the same menu nationwide. They merged in 1997 and they have the same iconography, the same star mascot, which was a Carl's Jr. mascot, but the names are different depending on if you're, if you're west of the Rockies or east of the Rockies. Basically, actually I was looking for this map and I brought it up here. This is a map of the, like the Mason-Dixon line, the Carl's Jr. Hardee's Meridian,

where you can see which parts of the country are Carl's Jr., which parts are Hardee's. And then also which the, the no-go zone in the Northeast. Almost like a Civil War map basically It's a it's a chain I used to go to a lot growing up and but it is now under the Rourke Capital Corporate umbrella which also work capital also owns Subway and then then owns Inspire Brands, Inspire Brands, another umbrella company that owns Arby's, Duncan, Buffalo Wild Wings, Jimmy John's, and Sonic Drivin'.

So that's all one company. Rork it, we love Inspire Brands, we love Rork it. We love Rork it. Anytime that many companies are under one umbrella, you know it's good shit. You know the quality's gonna go up, and they're really gonna care about their core mission, first and foremost.

There's a private equity firm named for a character from an Ayn Rand novel. We're a huge fan. Carl's Jr., founded by Carl Karcher in 1956 in Anaheim, California. Hardee's was founded by Wilbur Hardy in 1960 in Rocky Mountain, North Carolina. As I mentioned, they did Merchant Become One Company. I'm going to read that fountainhead. Right? So I read it. That's been my one book challenge for the year. I read about the fountainhead. I read, I've read a couple of Ayn Rand when I was like a teenager and they're so boring.

Yeah. I read Anthem and it might have been the fountainhead, but it might also have been Atlas Shrugged, right? Whatever one of the big ones. What's the fountainhead about? Is there some sort of fountain in it or something like that or no? Atlas Shrugged is about an architect. Maybe that's the one I've read. Okay.

Architect. Yeah. Whatever. Interesting stuff. Yeah, it's riveting. I'm not reading any fucking books. Yeah, fuck that shit. Definitely not by some dumb bitch.

I'll read a cool book, but the fuck, I'm going to read Ayn Rand. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so they had a limited time offering, which was actually stopped being available yesterday. Wow.

Yesterday was the last day that you could get Alex Earle's Hangover Burger. I saw that when I was looking. So unfortunately I was not able to get that. Yeah, yeah. But I did get something that I've never gotten on the podcast and that I rarely get at Carl's jr But I was like, you know what if we're reviewing this place

I should talk about the baseline burger their default burger, which is their famous star Mitch Basically, they're equivalent of a whopper or a Big Mac or I guess quarter pounder. I'm happy that we didn't have to get the Alex Earl burger. I don't have no idea who the fuck Alex I don't know that maybe feel old it looked too, it had too much shit in it. It's ungepatschke, it's got bacon, egg, melted cheese, and then hash browns on it, so it's just too much going on. Breakfast type thing?

That's the idea, yeah. You definitely want that from a fast food guy. No, you don't want an egg burger from, though I will say, Carl's Jr. Hardy, the specialized burgers there are pretty good, and the Philly cheesesteak burger is the one that I was like, this burger's gonna suck, and then I And the Philly cheesesteak burger is the one that I was like, this burger's gonna suck. And then I had the Philly cheesesteak burger

back in the day and it made me like Carl's Jr. more than In-N-Out. That opinion has shifted. I think I like In-N-Out more than Carl's Jr. now. I mean, I do. But all those specialized burgers, including the jalapeno burger, which is gone for some reason, are great.

Yeah, I totally agree. And so the famous star is just American cheese, lettuce, tomato, sliced onions, dill pickles, and special sauce and mayo on a seeded bun. Very conventional, conventional straight ahead Berg, but got the job done. I considered that for the same reason as like, let's just get the baseline.

I basically did that with, I think I added bacon, or no, actually the Western, because that also seemed like what you gotta do. That's a great aura for me. I feel like that with, I think I added bacon, or no, actually the Western, because that also seemed like what you gotta do. That's a great, that's a great aura from there. I feel like that's like their signature, like one of their signature burgers. And that was certainly the one that I had as a kid that kind of opened my mind to what a burger could be.

For sure, me too. I was like, oh wow, okay. And I don't think it was from there. Someone else must, it might've been Burger King maybe that had a similar ripoff of like, of onion rings, Western. I was never, we were never a big barbecue sauce family, not a Greek thing at all, but somewhere,

it must have been Burger King, that style of burger was introduced to me and then it was ripped for me. I never could get it back again. I don't know what the fuck happened. Well, so the rodeo burger, I believe, was introduced with, was it Small Soldiers? That's right, yes. That's fucking what it was, dude.

Small Soldiers, that's 100% what it was. It was it small soldiers? That's right. Yes. That's fucking what it was dude. Small soldiers. That's 100% what it was. It was the rodeo burger. Yes. And LTL that stuck around for the long haul. But it was. See I know stuff like, I don't know Alan Rand or whatever the proper name is.

But I know. That's better knowledge. It's a better thing to have in your brain. Probably came out in 19, probably came out close to 1997 during this merger of- Yeah, somewhere in that area. Somewhere in that area, yeah. Stave, you got the double Western cheeseburger.

The Western cheeseburger has bacon, onion rings, and barbecue sauce as well as cheese. You added mayo and you didn't get barbecue sauce on the sandwich, we got it on the side. On the side, yes. And then Mitch, you got, we're just starting with burgers. We got the, you got the double Big Carl. 1998, Star Soldiers, 1998, close. You got the double Big Carl. 1998, close. Close, close.

You got the double Big Carl and a single El Diablo burger, which is, I guess, their replacement for the jalapeno burger. The Big Carl- But it's just a special right now. It's just a special. Their Big Carl is like their Big Mac. And I guess this is part of the thing that Carl's Jr. does,

is they just rip off other people's burgers and just brand them as their own. But I actually like the Big Carl. I love the Big Carl. It came out like 10 years ago or so, maybe a little longer than that now, 15 years ago maybe. But that was one of the, we'd have parties at the birthday boy's house and then there's a Carl's Jr. right down the hill and we would go over there and just fucking pig out late

at night. And it's great. And when the Big Carl came around, I was like, oh, it's like a Big Mac, but it's like bigger and like a big fucking messy Big Mac. And I still love it. I got one today, I got the double big, like you said, and I added pickles and white onions to make it more like a Big Mac, basically.

And it's fucking, it's really good. How good were those walks down the hill to a fucking Carl's Jr.? You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Up the hill, that's for future Mitch. You know what I mean? Like, just being drunk as fuck, going to a fucking,

just the glee at USFL. Because that's in Baltimore, that was the same thing. I lived up a hill. Walking down to get fucked up was awesome. Oh, it's awesome going down a hill. The college I went to, Ithaca is just you go down a hill, and then you're like, fuck! It sucks!

They should have ski lifts back. They should! They truly should! So many college kids just falling off and dying every year. It was probably a good thing for the world, I'm guessing. But, uh, I, uh, we always walked down. We never drove down that short distance in my car. That never happened. That never ever happened. Oh yeah, I forgot nobody walks here.

Yeah. I do not I forgot nobody walks here. Yeah. Yeah. I do not condone drinking and driving. A Carl's Jr. drive-through line is probably like, if you breathalyze the Carl's Jr. drive-through line. For sure. I bet you anything, there's been some drinks in that line. Carl's Jr.'s are, and I assume Hardee's is the same, are popping late at night.

I mean, there's just like, it is a place, I mean, they tend to be open 24 hours, or at least to like, you know, last call. And so yeah, those drive-through lines are pretty close. There's hungover, I remember driving on Thanksgiving morning, waking up at the birthday boy's house hungover and driving into that Carl's Juniors on Thanksgiving day.

And it was within the hours that they were open, because that's the other thing too, they were just were open all the time and just feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world. But this feels like when I, this is sad, when people reflect on college, I'm thinking of like my Carl's Jr. days. But that is, like back in the day. Those are real though, dude. Those days are real. They're real, and I miss them too, honestly.

I do. I had McDonald's days, because when I was in Baltimore and I would drive to DC to do open mics, and there was a McDonald's right on the highway when you left Baltimore, and one right on the highway when you left DC. And if I made it home from, it was always like, all right, do I have enough willpower

to not get McDonald's at DC? And if I did, there's no way. I had to, then 45 minutes later, I was 100% just pulling into that fucking McDonald's. Like, just fully eating. I live with my parents, just getting a 20 piece, and like, not even putting it in park, but like, eating it with your foot on the brake

Yeah The more elaborate fucked up those orders got where it got to the point where you're like having two bags You're like what the fuck am I doing? You know like when I when I when I see the level of bad I'm mad It's my McDonald's order will be a big mac and then a McChicken And then what I'm like not doing's my McDonald's order, it will be a Big Mac and then a McChicken, and then when I'm not doing well, it's also a double cheeseburger.

There's extra things that creep in there. When you start being like, well, okay, I'm not getting fries, so I'm getting nuggets. Chicken breast is healthier than potato. When you start doing that kind of fat math and being like, wow, what is that? A McFlurry's basically yogurt, you know what I mean? If I don't get fucking too many fixings. It's not a big deal

I'm only gonna eat half like you start doing all this that guy beautiful mind Or when you're doing the multiple place order, oh, that's tough stuff We have two different or like delivery guys meeting it and just praying they don't show up at the same time or like delivery guys meeting it and just praying they don't show up at the same time. Like that's that stuff. It's like. Oh. Me and Gaber's have a lot to talk about.

Yeah, we should. We should get it. We'll add you to the text chain. There's a, there's a. That's absolutely. There is a fact, there is a fat guy text chain. Yeah, oh get me in there. We haven't allowed Wags on it.

That's fine. It's me, Gaber's. I don't think you're fat enough, Wag. I've been, I've been doing a little better this Pretty good, but yeah, I've been it's a It's very easy for me to backslide is a thing and and it's just like it's I Just kind of find I have to be absolutist about certain things like like years ago I figured out that I could just I can't have ice cream in my house if I have it in my house

I'll eat all the ice cream so like I have to like it has to be a treat I have to like go out to an ice cream parlor, so I just never have it in your house. I just outright ban it I'm just not going to have it yeah, but that's that's the only you know what happened. I just sent you five pints. What happened? I fucking powered through all of them Except for the one with peanuts I just finished my fifth pint last night I just finished them I finished two of those pints, but then also it gets too icy at some point. You need to, you gotta eat it sooner or later.

Oh, I'm with you though. I'm a whole pint guy. Yeah, for sure. That's why Halo Top is like methadone. Right. Where it's like, I'll eat, it's 350 calories, who gives a fuck? You know what I mean? And like, Target actually, here's a little fat guy tip. Target's like Halo Top rip off, which is like 350 calories, much better tasting. Wow. Try it out, I think it's good in some shit.

I don't know, they have a s'mores one, they have a peanut butter one. Halo Top got me pissed off when we tried it, I was mad at it. It's not good. I don't really like it, yeah. But it's like, but I love the, so much of it is ritual of eating a whole pint.

Yeah, sure, yeah, for sure. And so, and now Halo Top started doing ones that are like, they're creeping up, they have like 580 calorie ones, with like mix-ins and stuff, and it's like, we're just getting to the point. What are we doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but anyway.

It's like what happened with Snackwells back in the day. They just like had the Snackwells, the healthy, like low-fat, you know, cookies, and they just kept adding shit to them to a certain point. You're just at parity with a Chippahoy's, why bother? I got a, yeah, and the similar thing for me is non-alcoholic beer, which I've gotten really into like craft NA beers.

And so that's just like, because you know, I will just again drink all the beers if I have them at home or I'll drink a whole bottle of wine. So just having NA beer there, but that actually tastes good. It's like, that's enough of an approximation of the act where I can just, my brain can process it. You know what I mean?

And not have those cravings. I tried the same thing with CBD, smoking CBD joints so pathetic yeah I don't get fat as shit yeah it's real weed the next day but but yeah I've started dabbling with NA beers as well you said the snack well thing it made me think of just like treats that your mom would let you have when you're a fetish it oh yeah snack I've started dabbling with NA beers as well. You said the snack wells thing, it made me think of just like treats that your mom would let you have when you were fat as shit. Snack wells, do you have a guy that would fuck with Luna bars? Oh yeah.

They're like ladies protein bars. I was like, I would smash those, dude. My mom would try and get them. These are my fit kid days. I would like, I would, and it's funny because we've said this on the podcast all the time, but it was be like, here's a bowl of spaghetti. You're like, all right, I'm eating healthy,

which is so bad. Now, you had no idea. Yeah, there was a time when the nutrition advice was like, stay away from saturated fat and unsaturated fat. You just want to have, like carbs are fine. I carb loaded for like 20 years of my life. I'd eat bread every single fucking day. I had no idea you weren't supposed to eat fucking bread.

And it's so good. We used to have like rice cakes, but they have like cinnamon That's a big one dude, and they they like tasted like complete shit But they were kind of like as you know sweet and crunchy so but they were also like completely unhealthy for you They're ultra processed and they're loaded with carbs. Yeah, were you agree? Oh, do you like Greek pizza? Of course? Yeah So yeah, I think I've heard you guys talk about, what do you mean by Greek pizza specifically? This is fascinating to me.

So like a lot of the places that have the roast beef sandwich in the Northeast, the North Shore does the beef three way or whatever. Which are great. I love that sandwich, by the way. It's been great. We didn't suck it off enough. If I was on that with Kelly's episode,

it'd be five forks for sure. Gavris was there there too that people were people were it was we didn't have a great Kelly's experience I think they had I could see it being bad though if you cut it at the wrong time. Well also like people who love beefs are like Kelly's sucks too so that's the issue but Kelly's is good yeah you're wrong Kelly's is good and I will say that in the beef Facebook group but they're going off about how good of a job Trump is doing. So it's not worth getting in there for that. You gotta let that die down a little bit. You gotta let how good the job Doge is doing. You gotta let that die down for a second.

And then you can kind of talk about who has got the best beef. Doge is coming for the Doge boys. They don't think we're doing a good enough job, Doge. They're kind of right. It unites the country. Everyone is like, Doge... That's actually a good cut. Slash their Patreon. We're subsidized

by the federal government for some reason. Greek pizza is a very specific style. And Emma, you know Greek. Do you know Greek pizza? I feel like a lot of new England pizza is like Greek style pizza Because I think the pizza I grew up eating I didn't realize it was like Greek style pizza It just was like New England pizza. That was the name of the place or front row of Greek style Okay

I wonder if it's the kind of thing where it's like they were just Greek carryouts like is that what you're saying? They were all just like places owned by Greek people? Because that's kind of, we definitely, Baltimore definitely had a thing, like the carryout, which is just a catch-all kind of fast food. And that's another reason we didn't do that much fast food because there were these places that had pizza, subs, wings.

Yeah, this is like an East Coast thing. I feel like I don't find it out here, but there was a place near where I grew up called New England Pizza that was owned by a family that lived downstream from me, and they were just like a Greek family, super nice, and it was exactly that was pizza salads subs calzones. Yeah everything Amelia you were fucking wrong Was it a year old she called up a picture of a year old pizza no no

Probably some shit with olives on it or something. No. I think I think I see what's going on here You went toppings you guys are just talking about a stylistic Yes, so this is because we don't call it Greek beat. Yes, that's this is this is exactly what it looks like It's it's it's it's buttery crust the bottom of it looks a specific way Nick's pizza and Quincy was the one that why I try to get there has a great screen salad and all like Nick the guy like it's a whole family Nick, the guy, like it's a whole family. It's a super Greek guy who owns it. It's funny, I just Googled Greek style pizza

to see if I can find a picture of it. And one of the first things that comes up is a serious eats article called New England Greek style pizza. Yes, it does seem to be a regional thing. And there is a, you know, at least on Wikipedia, a named inventor, Kostas Katsatsis. Kostas Katsatsis, great name.

Yeah, who invented, who pioneered this method of doing it in a shallow metal pan. I love that, that's perfect strangers type shit. But it's in the pan. That's like you're saying, it's like, Greek town or if you go to the North end of Boston, it's just like, oh, there's like a guy like me who lives in fucking the North end now, that sucks.

The shallow metal pan is similar to how you make your bar pizza. Yes, it is, yes, the pan is a big part of it, Wax, but it's not, it's not, it's not, they can be bigger, they're like bigger pans, but still, they're like, the bottom kind of looks like that. Love that. It's great. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if that's a specific one,

but we definitely had a, we had a, so many of the kids I grew up with were, their families had these like shitty carry outs. Right. That was just like cheese steaks, wings, subs, pizza. And they had like a specific kind of like its own pizza that wasn't quite, it obviously wasn't fancy, but it was like kind of in the Pizza Hut family a little bit. But it was kind of like nice, cheap, good, reliable pizza.

And honestly, that kind of pizza hits the spot to me. And I live in New York. And it's like, I like that trashy. There's something about those places that do everything a B to B plus that just crushes it. You know what I mean? And I do miss that. And also, it's like the fat kid buffet style of eating,

where you can get one of everything, where you get pizza wings in a sandwich. We did so much of that, because my friends had the carry outs. So it was like my buddy Bill, who's like a gambling addict, or whatever. I guess it was a child gambling addict. That's the other thing with the Greek kids. Greek kids whose parents have restaurants,

they all have like, they're the weekend manager at 14. They're like yelling at adults. You know what I mean? And getting like a salary. So these guys all had gambling issues. They had like Lexuses. And I'm like broke as fuck just kind of hanging out but they would bring the, they would just bring all the fucking

food it was aw- and you would just have an awesome smorgasbord and we'd be eating, we'd be eating, you know we'd be, we would be gambling, it was like when Texas Hold'em was big or we'd be gambling on like football. But it was just great dude and that's- That sounds like the dream. I mean the Pizza Hut comparison is that buttery crust sorry I'm sorry yelled at you so much Amelia That buttery the Pizza Hut buttery is kind of a similar thing there was a great yeah, there was a there was a Greek

Cafe here and those fields that did a great Greek pizzas shut down Fucking the equivalent of what you were talking about that kind of like catch-all restaurant is like fast food place out here is like, in LA is like the Tommy's derivatives, which is like a chili cheese fries, but then they've also got taquitos, they got burgers, but then they've also got chicken teriyaki.

So it's like, you know, some places have pastrami and Mexican food. But those places also to me feel sort of din of diner-adjacent as well. Yeah, for sure. Like, what I'm talking about is, like, you would not eat in there. Oh, you're not eating inside. You know what I mean? It's like, these are like...

And maybe they have a couple booths, but it's like, these are like... Yeah, red, the red chair booth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're in horrible parts of the city. Like, they're like... It's purely just, like, it's... They're called carry-out. They're like kiosks.

Exactly. They're like... They actually were sort of ahead of the curve in terms of, like, all this ghost kitchen It's purely just like it's they're called carry out. You know, I just go exactly They're like they actually were sort of ahead of the curve in terms of like all this ghost kitchen shit These are places that were like you don't want to come like it's between behind bulletproof glass Yeah legitimately and it's like but you order you you pick it up Whatever like all of Baltimore was kind of shitty back then so it doesn't fucking matter But but yeah, these were places because I like those in LA like the West Coast version that where it's like just a weird Fucked up not quite a diner not quite a like sit-down restaurant and everything is a little shit I love those. Yeah places too. No, it's it's it's very like out here the sub

We've talked about this before the West Coast does a lot of great things with food I'm not trying to say East Coast is better as everyone gets mad at me for saying But but but the sub shops are just a different thing. Oh, not even close. And that's why, yeah, I think that's why, like, the, what, fat sals or whatever? Yeah, sure. It's like, I think that's why that has, like,

because it's just, there's nothing else. But yeah, you can just get a good sandwich, literally everywhere on East Coast. Yeah, you can't really get, like, a, I mean, there's places, like there's, you know, Bay cities in Santa Monica. But that's the thing, it's like, there's there's places like there's you know, Bay cities in Santa Monica But that's but that's like there's a million Bay like that's yeah That's what I was gonna say that like you can find them

But they're few and far between and the most of the good sandwich options are like a gentrified version of what you know And it's like you're spending $17 on a sub, you know, so it's a little bit it I get that it's a different experience, but it's all the flip side, right? Cuz it's like the Mexican food and Asian food here is just so much better. It's great. So you know, you go whatever they have, you enjoy that thing. Yeah.

Let's- I'm sure a lot of people, a lot of places you walk into wish they had bulletproof glasses. He's definitely a he's got a gun type of guy. It's crazy what the buzz cut has done to people's like perceptions of me. Oh, sure. Interesting, yeah.

I was, so I was, I've been, you know, I've been trying to do more fitness and I was, I'm doing, I was doing rucking, which is like, you walk with like a weighted backpack. It's like, you get the same sort of cardio as like running. You look like Private Powell got over the hump. You're, you're, you're, you're. It's, yeah, you elevate your heart rate

in the same way that running does without like the pounding on, on my back and my knees. And, but I was doing that, but then I was looking into like a vest, I was like, oh, you can get a weighted vest. And then I was like, I don't want to be going around with a buzz cut and a vest, like a camo vest. They can't be wearing that. If you want to hear me running.

That would be awesome. Fuckin' do a show in Oklahoma City, people are fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. in Oklahoma City, people are fuckin'. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk, we should talk about the burgers a little bit. Sure.

I thought my famous star was very solid, just a down the middle burger. The thing I really enjoyed is- I don't know why you get, you do it all the time. You get the famous star a lot, I get it. No, I don't get the famous star a lot. I feel like you've done it recently, I thought you, the last time we went there, I feel like you got a famous star. I did not get a famous star last time I feel you've done it recently. I thought you the last time we went there

I feel like you got a face. I did not get a famous star lesson This was by the way you guys just went there for fun Yeah, you haven't done you said you haven't done it for the for the show. Yeah, what the yeah seven years. Yeah To have an argument about what Weigert yet is insane I didn't talk about it on the fucking thing. I'm gonna Google Doughboy's famous star. I know that I got mad at you for having a famous star before.

I don't believe I got it the last time we reviewed it. But I do really like, like I liked the Big Carl a lot. And what I really liked was both the bite of the El Diablo burger I had, Mitch, and then the bite of Susser, now canonically alive again, his double Western burger, which is just like, remains my go-to. And I think that actually the ratios are better

with the double meat on the Western burger. But this was your first time having it. What'd you think of the double Western? Yeah, man. I just found an old picture of us. Look at- Isn't that crazy how skinny we are? I'm fat as fuck there, but still so much thinner than I am now. Yeah, for sure. Don't an old picture of us look at look isn't that crazy how skinny I'm fat as fuck there But still so much thinner. Yeah, don't do that to yourself man

Don't go back to picture where you remember being like I was such a fucking hog and then you're like, that's a sexy young boy I'll look at pictures. I'm like what have I done to myself? That's brutal. Don't ever do that again, Mitch That's tough. I've done the same thing like I remember what I was looking for And it was like I was just not even that fat Yeah, it was like I was just a regular guy who was kind of fat that thought I was a monster I literally thought I was a monster. I don't want people to look at me Yeah, yeah, it looked fucking great if you're listening that you will never be less fat than you are now That is just like just just that. Just enjoy that.

I know you're probably fat as shit if you're listening to this show. You will only get fatter. Just know that and enjoy that and don't look at old pictures of yourself. Yeah. Or get the shot. Just get the fucking shot and be sick half of your fucking life. I ate popcorn once and saw Mickey 17 last night. Oh, I saw it too.

Yeah, yeah. You did it last night. I liked it. Yeah, last night. I loved it. Wow. What time did you go? I wonder if we were. No, you probably did. Because I was staying in, I'm staying in Hollywood,

so I went to the Grove. Oh, I went to the Americana. We were in opposite. Went to different Caruso properties. Wow. And I'm just a Caruso fan. Yeah. I was just going for Caruso, and then I was like, hey,

Mickey 17's playing. I was going. I was hoping they'd be like homeless guys that could punch in a Caruso property to kind of get them away from like a Nordstrom. He gives you a gold medal when you get it. The world's so fucking bad you can't even just like have fun. You can't even just like go and see a movie without putting like $11 into a piece of shit's pocket for parking.

I know, I know. Just like, there's nothing you can do. I went to the 1030 show at a... I was at nine. Yeah. I loved it. We were close. Because people you can do. I went to the 1030 show at a... I was at nine. Yeah. I loved it, because people were so sad. I liked that, I like making 17 a lot. I liked it as well.

Yeah, really fun. You imagine how that's basically what they're doing with Biden. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Biden 17, where every time he died, they would print him out. It's like when you put too many copies on, it's just Biden coming out and dying over and over again. But I think, yeah, they don't have the technology there, so he just dies quicker.

So every state of the union, he was just like, he was around for like maybe four days. Except for Princhard where corn pop is coming out. Did they replace corn pop? They replaced the corn pop. I love Mickey 70, but I ate popcorn and I just can't eat it anymore. It just fucking kills me. And I love, I'm a huge popcorn guy. You're a popcorn skeptic. I'm a popcorn guy too.

And the same thing has happened to me in recent years where it just like fucks me up. It's crazy how much, I don't know. But do you think, is it shot related you were saying or is this just as you've gotten older? Especially now, I mean both. As I've gotten older, it will fuck up my stomach really bad. And now if I do the shot and I just I took it yesterday so it's just bad timing I can still do it but it just does fuck me up worse and worse now I think it's oil yeah I do love I love how you're approaching the shot of like how

do I beat this thing I, I said this twice, I've gone up like three pounds and I think that the the Lilly director or whatever, the company that gives me would probably be like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Coulda give me a super dose. I'll take a super dose. I love the movie, like you, I did, I thought the people, it's like original sci-fi movie, it's fucking great.

Yeah, exactly, it's fun, yeah. It's great, I loved it. I also like that he's like, I don't need to do another prestige thing you do the fun genre thing Why not who gives a shit but in a way to beat it like you're saying I was like I got a popcorn I was like never gonna be able to finish this and I was like I get peanut M&Ms Calorie dense like you have fun. You're trying to beat chemo. You're trying to get like you try to take like protein shakes You're like I need this. This is what, like, like Rocky at Creed, where they're feeding him fucking insurers.

Yeah, you just start doing insurers. I know, there is a fat pride to being like, I'm gonna be the guy that beats this. I'm the f that beats this. You know? I'm the fattest guy. So you have the double western cheeseburger. I had the double western. And yeah, I felt like, so my approach to ordering was, I've never had this place. I want to be a scientist about this. I respect the program.

I respect the conversations that obese men have between themselves, right? So I wanted to be like fucking dialed in. So I figured we go to a classic, and that to me just, when you look at that menu, that maybe was the rodeo burger, whatever, it's like that just stands, that burger just stands out to you.

You're not wrong. I think the Western bacon cheeseburger is, I would say for Carl's Jr., that is maybe the most popular. That's like their signature item, yeah. It's become, fuck, I thought I did that slyly. While you're talking. While you're talking. Into the microphone. We've done this for a decade.

But that's become the signature item. Yeah, I think so. Good choice. I was like, let me do that. And I did barbecue sauce on the side because I'm not a big barbecue sauce guy, but I just didn't want it. So I was just like, it's happened, but I just didn't want it. So I was just like, it's happened to me where it's overpowered it, right? They'll slather it on there too.

That's happened to me before where it's like, I want a little bit. So I just wanted to control. I ended up using very little barbecue. I thought it was good, but I just, I kind of just liked the burger as a burger, like take, cause I am just a bacon cheeseburger guy, right? If I'm going to have a burger, I'm getting a bacon cheeseburger. And then, you know, who's, who's mad at a fucking onion ring? Nobody's mad at a fucking onion ring on your burger.

And onion rings, all the stuff there, I know, Amelia, you said the onion rings were mid. Yes. She can confirm. But I generally like the hand-battered stuff there, the onion rings, the tenders. I like the jalapeno poppers. I like the jalapeno poppers quite a bit,

which we also got. I will just say that in context, the onion ring on the burger works really well. On the burger. I don't need them on the side necessarily, but on the Western bacon cheeseburger, absolutely. I think that's the way to put it. As a topping, it's a top tier onion ring topping,

because I think how shitty it is as a side makes it better as a topping. it's a top tier onion ring topping because I think how shitty it is as a side makes it better as a topping. Right, sure. It's like more malleable, it's a little softer, it smushes, it's like, as a really good thing that's crispy, it could fuck up the textures a little bit or it like, it would soften under the weight of the steam of the fucking burger.

Whereas this thing is kinda mush, it has just enough of a form, it has just enough of an onion ring flavor that it's good. I will say as sides. You know what? You took this seriously because you just knocked it out of the park. It's pretty fucking dead on. Thanks man. Why's it not malleable? How is that? I literally kick up so many IQ points when I'm talking about fast food. It's so, it's crazy. You guys would love the RU Garbage guys.

I don't know if you've ever seen their show. They're just complete fucking pieces of shit from Philly. And we end up talking about just fucking chain restaurants for so long and it's, we had like a discussion about, is it like, what potato, is it fucked up to put ketchup on mashed potatoes, I think? And it took us, we talked for like a half hour. And it was like, people were like, this is nuts,

how much of this episode is about this. Anyway. Where did you land? I think, yeah. Absolutely. It sounds fucked up. Without question, it's so fucked up. I mean, that's what kind of trash we're dealing with

between my friends, Henry and Foley. I'm sorry, Henry and Kippy. But they're complete Philly trash. The fact that they even had to talk about that Yeah, but I do think there is like, you know, I think that I basically said, you know When you have ketchup with a potato dish That's the delineating line of when something becomes trash or not Sure If you're in a restaurant where they wouldn't even consider bringing you ketchup

That's a good that's a fancy restaurant if they'll let you put ketchup on anything you're In a fucking dogshit place anyway, that's just check out another podcast where fat guys talk about But yes, I said as I and I would then I would go on to say that as sides I was a little I Little to be desired by the stuff on the side. Yeah, I agree. I like it. So because you also got the fried zucchini and the chicken stars. I do not like the chicken stars.

I don't think they're, so the chicken stars are their nugs, but, and they're obviously designed for kids. I get it, it's a fun form factor. It's like the dino nuggets or whatever. The problem is you're not getting enough chicken per bite. It's like so heavily breaded. And also it's just like,

it reminds you that this like, is barely food. The fact that it's shaped into a star. It's like, I should not be eating this as an adult. Who do you think the biggest chicken star is in the history of cinema? Chicken Little? Yeah, Chicken Little's up there. I mean, I was thinking of someone from Chicken Run.

Camilla from the- The big chicken from Family Guy. Big chicken from Family Guy. Big chicken from Family Guy. Big Chicken from Family Guy. Big Chicken from Family Guy might be here. Well, he's a TV star, you know. That's true. You know, maybe.

You know. Camilla. Never crossed over. Yeah, he never did. The Big Chicken never made it over. Got stuck on PBS, unfortunately. He could have had a great movie career. He could have, yeah.

Let him get some action comedies. No, no. No Family Guy movie also is weird. That is kind of weird They should do they should do all their money on Ted Mitch. Of course foghorn leg. Oh my god He crossed over and now it's just gotten deleted from Max just recently what colors his ball sack Maybe it's white. Might be red, might be white. Maybe speckled. Maybe like red, or like a couple. I'll say, I'll say, I got a croaker.

That's right, you guys gotta. I agree with you on the sides. I think their waffle fries and their fried zucchinis are my favorite. I think their jalapeno poppers were pretty good. But their regular fries, I will say, overper over performed today and Amelia youth you thought those fries are hidden Yeah, especially on the ride back to the studio. Yeah snuck a few fries fucking not allowed

Heard Mitch tell someone they're not allowed to touch his fry Anya was like I took a fry was that all right? And I was like, no, it's not okay. And I was joking. I gave one to Amir too, are you gonna yell at him? Well that's fucking bullshit. That is fucking bullshit. But those fries were hidden in the car. They were hot, they were fresh.

What, the regular fries? Yeah, they have a skin on fry which they didn't always have. I like that one too, sorry to cut you off. No, not at all. I felt they were hitting as well, and that's my kind of fry. I actually have a skin on, like, just kinda, I like those. I like a little bit of like, kinda pretending it's not

like super processed where it's like, hey look, it's got a little skin, maybe an old woman chopped these this morning. Even though you know that she didn't, you know what I mean? You know, she didn't, you know what I mean? You know, it was like a migrant worker who's maybe part of their finger is also in the like potato thing.

But for a second, you're like, maybe this is homemade. So I really, those were my favorite side. That side stuck out to me. It's just a good, you know, it's a good role player. It's not gonna wow you, but it's like, it supports the sandwich very well. But also I feel like a lot of times the burger I'm getting from Carl's Jr. slash Hardee's

is so heavy that I don't need a lot on the side. Like I'll oftentimes get a fried zucchini or a jalapeno poppers just to have like a little supplement. But like, I don't need like a gigantic volume of fries necessarily because that burger is so indulgent. I think, I just also think with the waffle fries, it's just gonna be hot and fresh.

It has nothing to do with me being 15 minutes late to the meal. That's the issue. It was, but like the fries, they go downhill pretty quick. And when you're, I get it. The bat, like when I get the waffle fries at Carl's Jr. it's usually me driving home and eating them on the way. Like that's, that's

how you got to have them. You got to have them hot and fresh. I do think they have a really good house ranch there. Which they, yeah. I think I didn't try that. Yeah. I think it's really solid. I'm a ranch guy. Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's a quality ranch. I'm now proud. I'm going to come out and say this. Yeah. I like ranch more than blue cheese. Mitch, me too. This was a late in life conversion. I never thought this would happen, but like five to 10 years ago,

I started just preferring ranch to blue cheese with wings. And I was like, I never thought I'd reach this point. Well, I think for me, ranch has a higher ceiling, lower floor. For sure. Whereas I think blue cheese has a, it's the opposite where it's like if it, if something is coming in like a fucking little packet, I'm probably going blue cheese.

Yeah. Because a packet ranch can be so, so fucked up. The packet ranch can be really fucked up. So fucked up. But a great, like a homemade ranch is like, knocks the shit out of a fucking blue cheese. For sure. Yeah. On the other hand, you can get like a mayo with blue cheese chunks in it, which I think is fucking gnarly and I do I do like I'd like like that's that to me is a bad version of blue cheese is like this is like a mayo We fucking yes, they're like a but like a like a pizza place that offers because they have to right there They can have a really shitty blue cheese. Don't get me wrong. I still do love blue cheese. I'm not a I mean people know that But you know what I'm saying.

Take the hat off, please world. Understand I still love blue cheese. I'm fucking tearing up. Even though in the last five years I do prefer ranch, I'll never fully abandon blue cheese. Damn, I wish I would have tried the ranch. Mitch, what? I back the blue.

Cheese. Blue cheese. Blue cheese. Wait, we didn't talk about your char-boiled Santa Fe sandwich. So yeah, so the other thing I wanted to do, because I have, so traveling and on the road, I have gotten some, if I do any sort of like road like in a pinch

I will tend to go to like chick-fil-a is like a grilled sandwich Yeah, good and actually Panda Express has some like they've kind of done a weird thing where they're now I don't know how accurate the calories and shit are but like they have certain things that aren't that bad and I'll get like The beef and broccoli with some teriyaki chicken and for sure. Actually, a pretty healthy, and no rice, just fucking veggies. I'll do a couple of those. I also wanted to take... Basically, I had half of each one, and I was like, one, if I'm being a little slutty boy, and that's the double Western, and one, if I'm trying to be good, and that's the little grilled guy.

I actually thought the grilled was... It was not fried chicken, it was grilled. I kind of wanted to like put it in adverse conditions where it's like, can this do like a grilled chicken pretty good? And it did. Now, the sauce was probably a little, they probably mayoed it up a little bit. It ended up not really being healthy. It's that orange mayo, right?

It is an orange sauce. Yeah, it was some kind of, it was good, but it ultimately probably wasn't that good for you. But in a world where I had to, in a pinch, get a healthier option, I was like, what does ultimately probably wasn't that good for you But right in a world where I had to in a pinch get a healthier option I was like, what is a grilled sandwich look like and it was actually, you know solid I'm trying to bring in the menu now to see exactly what's on this sum bitch Mitch What would you you liked your big Carl over a double big Carl? I liked it quite a bit and then the El Diablo burger. I liked I liked it

Did you take a bite of it? Wags? I did take a bite of it. I thought it was pretty decent. Oh shit, we should, we should. Yeah, we should. I will say. Fuck, we fucked up. No, it's all good, man. I will say. It's fun, though, but we're fucked.

I will say, I, that was, you said it was actually spicy. I'm a bit of a heat seeker. I, it actually was spicier than I expected. Yeah. Because usually this fast food, like they're, they're, they're, you know, whatever they call their El Diablo equivalent is, whatever language they use to talk about something being like, like their, you know, whatever they call their El Diablo equivalent is, whatever language

they use to talk about something being like searing hot. It's not actually that hot. Right, right, right. But this one actually had a little bit of burn to it. Yeah, it's like the fourth hot one. Yes. That's a level. It was, I was surprised by the heat,

but also I just wish they had that jalapeno burger. That was the jalapeno burger was fucking great. That one was better, for sure. And it was like, just a bunch of, I mean, it was like a thing that like, I was surprised by the heat, but also, I just wish they had that jalapeno burger. That was the jalapeno burger was fucking great. That one was better, for sure. And it was like, just a bunch of, I mean it was like a thing that I was like, I'm not gonna go to the bathroom normally for three days. Basically, it's like a thing that would make me take

Pepto Bismol back in the day. But it was like a good amount of jalapenos and just a fucking good, great burger. And then this one has the jalapeno poppers on it, which is kind of a little, it's good, but it's a little like, it's a little much. I just wish they had like, just the straight up jalapenos on the burger.

I guess you could order that one. They do have jalapenos on it, and maybe you didn't get any in your bites. Like the bottom- Oh no, I know, I did, I did, I did. Yeah, the bottom layer is pickled jalapenos, and then they have jalapeno poppers on the top level. It's also got a pepper jack cheese and a fiery abanero ranch sauce, they call it.

That sounds good as shit. We did fuck up. It was good. Your burger, Savva, had what they call their Santa Fe sauce, which I imagine is more of a, yeah, it's more of a Chipotle sauce. Yeah, it had a little spice on it, and it was good. It was legitimately pretty good.

I think it had some chilies in there too. It had some green chilies, yes. That was a good sandwich. I guess I wish I had tried to do the thought experiment a little better and like if this is actually healthy, is it? Yeah. Because that sauce was fucking mayo based for sure. But I wonder if like maybe a little mustard, a little of that grilled, like could you figure out a way to make it a little healthier? I don't know. But it was good. It was a solid grilled sandwich.

You certainly could. I feel like this is the kind of place where- Carl's Jr. is a tough place for a- Yeah, if you're in a situation where I have to eat healthy and my one option is Carl's Jr. or Hardy's, it's kind of dire straits. It's like, you'd even do better in a Subway, honestly. But yeah, I think among the fast food chains, like it is a place that just kind of leans

into indulgence and leads into how caloric its things are. I mean, they had a thing, what was the thing they were calling for a while? Mitch, it was the thick burger, right? Yeah, the six dollar six dollar burgers, which is funny because all the burgers, it was like the thick six dollar burger, and then it was like the burger, it was actually probably even still eight bucks back then. Yeah. But now it was like that burger's 13 dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is so fucked.

That's another insane thing, because I, like, looking at this menu and being like, what should I get? Looking at the prices. Oh yeah. Which you guys understand because you do this fucking every week, it's nuts how expensive this shit is.

For sure. It's insane. In the 10 years that we've done the show, which is also insane, it's gone up so high where fast food is like, it's expensive now. We'll do an order and it'll be like 300 bucks or whatever. It fucking sucks.

It's crazy. You're better off going to a restaurant. Yeah, 100%. Like a real restaurant. Yeah. If you're, it's like one of these, if you're an employee at one of these places trying to eat at one of these places

and just order off of the menu, it's like two or three hours worth of wages to like buy a lunch. It's like, it's absolutely. I think you're way better at it at Subway than- You're right, Subway was the wrong poll, but even like McDonald's, I feel like- Jared on the brain.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His homepage is the countdown to when Jared gets out of prison. When he's free, welcome home, King. Liger's out there with a banner.

He knows exactly where he's going to live on the fucking website. I think it's going to be Jeffrey Jones' roommate. Now that is a good sitcom, actually. Three's Company reboot with Weiger, Jared, and Jeffrey Jones. All pedophile version reboot of Three's Company. Weiger's pledging at the pedophile fraternity. Mitch, we also got a couple of, I was trying to get the Blood Orange Baller, which was a limited time boba drink that this location

did not have. I saw you order that and I couldn't find it. This is, I mean, I sent my order in at 2.30 AM last night, I believe. It's one of those frustrating things where it's on the national menu, but if you go to like order off of the app or whatever, it's just not there.

Cause it's, I guess it's- What was the name of it again? It was the Blood Orange Baller. And it's got a- Basketball nickname. It is, it is very basketball. It's like orange Fanta with strawberry boba, but they did not have that right now.

Instead, I opted for the, which one was it, Amelia? The Tropicalli. The Tropicalli, yes. And then Mitch, you got the strawberry lemonade. I liked that strawberry lemonade. Here's the other thing about Carl's Jr. Look, I know it is a trashy food spot, but they I think you are right that it is still kind of elevated in a way and and and the the shakes are

good there. We don't we didn't even get a fucking shake. The ice the like the shakes are fucking good. They have they have the real ice cream milkshakes. I think they are one of the better better shakes in fast food. I didn't get it because I'm just like I always get a vanilla shake from there. I know what it tastes like. Right, right, right. And I just like, I don't need to, I could have gotten it, but it would just would have been for fun.

But it's, yeah, I think their shakes are great. It's good for work. Yeah, exactly. I mean, honestly, yeah. Yeah. But that strawberry lemonade is like, was, I think all, they, I'm kind of like, what does Carl's Jr. do bad?

And maybe it's just kinda health stuff, I get, like anything that's healthy, but. So just from your guys' perspective, right, as people who have gone here a ton, was this more of just a check-in for you? Like, there's not any, there wasn't like a particular menu, a menu item, there was nothing that's changed, you guys just wanted to kinda take stock?

I think it's, I think for a place like this. Which is fine, I respect that. It is true, I mean, wanted to kind of take stock. I think it's, I think for a place like this. I respect that. It is true that, I mean, it makes me feel pathetic and I think yes. The answer is yes. No, I think for a place like this that is, you know, I think by number of locations,

it's still a, it's a top 20 chain in America, maybe higher, it's, I think it's number four in burgers, you know, behind McDonald's, Burger King and and Wendy's so it's like still a big chain It's a chain like Burger King or like Taco Bell that we just like to check in on an occasion and see how it's doing Right because because a place like like Burger King We've seen that go like sure go all the way down and then Burger King is big time back now I think it's back right now. I think so for sure. Do you disagree? I just Burger King was so not,

we were such a McDonald's family. Yeah, sure. And then Popeye's was actually my favorite fast food probably. Oh, Popeye's is the best, yeah. So the idea that I'd ever get Burger King, the only time I ever got Burger King was one time a commercial worked on me when they had the Italian chicken long sandwich.

Oh yeah. Me and my brothers literally were like, I had just got my learner's permit and we just like took my mom's minivan, and we're like, these are gonna be the best, and they suck dick, they were horrible sandwiches. They are bad, but if you love Burger King, they're bad in the great, I loved them.

But we just were not, I just wasn't a Burger King guy at all. So I have no frame of reference for them. I've heard you guys say Burger King is back. I would have been curious, that would have been something I would have been actually interested to try, frame of reference for them. I've heard you guys say Burger King is back. I would have been curious. That would have been something I would have been actually interested to try. But it's just not a place I've ever.

My loyalties are so squarely. Not even McDonald's anymore, because I just don't. I don't really find myself eating burger, fast food that much. Because I love wings. I love fried chicken. I also love Chinese. If I'm going gonna have a cheat meal

and being fat as shit, it's like, you can't eat like this that much. So it's like, I don't check in, it's not my job to check in. But I would be, I was interested to do this one because you do have an idea of what hearties are, and especially all those horny commercials. Oh my God, yes.

I knew I've gotten hornier because of Hardee's than I have been hungry. To me, it's more of like, it's closer to like Maxim magazine than it is like a fucking restaurant. Let's just say I might have a CPAP dream about Hardee's. They brought titties back. Titties are back on the menu. They did, yes. on the menu. Yeah

Yeah, there was I mean like back in the day when I first moved out here That's like, you know There was like the car wash commercials like girls put in their boobs up against glass and stuff like that And then they did they have just recently come back with that and it feels like oh really response to Trump's America I mean it is kind of an inner regnum where there was like a period where they were doing different campaigns. They even had the... The spots I like with our friend Drew Tarver was where they had Carl Hardy's junior and they like...

He played like the kid of Carl Hardy and like... Oh, those were good. Yeah. They were just doing that for a little bit, but yeah. You know what about our friend Drew Tarver? Yeah. Doesn't have big ass titties. Doesn't have a juicy rack, bro.

All that stuff comes from Andy Puzder was the CEO for... You know what about our friend Drew Tauber? Yeah. Doesn't have big ass titties. Doesn't have a juicy rack, bro. All that stuff comes from Andy Puzder was the CEO of Carl's Jr. slash Hardee's and came and like pioneered all those marketing campaigns. Oh, a true piece of shit. You used to bring him up all the time. Yeah, a real piece of shit. And he was like horrible for labor issues for his workers.

And he was like so bad that they tried to confirm him as Secretary of Labor for Trump for the first administration and he couldn't get confirmed for Trump's cabinet. Wow, that's awesome. But now in the second term, he's ambassador to the EU. So the guy who came up with a Paris Hilton ad. By the way, have you seen the EU? They look fucking good.

A bunch of big titties in the EU now. All right, that's not bad. Look, we can build. You know what I mean? Like, it's important to look at what you have in common with the people across the aisle. Exactly. And if we can get just some common ground on fat tits, maybe shit doesn't have to go so bad. You know what I mean?

Maybe, you know, it doesn't have to be this crazy. Turn it back to the Democrats completely bungling messaging on fat tits. Oh my god. Chuck Schumer. I like a big juicy couple of them. I have no problem with a nice breast or two. Fucking gorks. They would ruin, they would a hundred percent ruin a home run like Big Tits. While we find the Big Tits support of Palestine abhorrent, we do ultimately enjoy fat tits. It would be fucking something like that.

They're great milk sources. We don't care about the milk factor. What are we talking about? Well, we do a little bit. We care about the milk factor. We do care about the milk factor. A little bit. A little bit.

A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. a little bit. Yes, a little bit, sure, a little bit. Yeah. A little milk dribbling out, that's no problem. That's not a big deal, that's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Oh, hell yeah, dude. love. I like to indulge in some guilty pleasures like watching some videos. We don't need to go into what kind. I like to order sparkling water. That's a lot of fun for me and hey, I'll

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this work will each go around. We'll give our closing argument on Carl's Jr slash Hardee's and give it a score one zero to five forks. I was wondering since the big titties are back and Carl's if I can get into a Carl's commercial. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're an idiot if you want these, you're gonna like big... Like, there's just something so almost commendable about, like, right down the middle, it's exactly what you expect. We're pieces of shit. Yes, of course the guy who has poor labor practices is gonna be like,

let's find whoever has the biggest tits and put her in a commercial. And it's like, there is something to it. If you're gonna be a piece of shit, just be that. Don't hide it. Don't pretend you're not. I do kind of respect that, even though... I agree. The complete lack of a piece of shit, just be that. Don't hide it, don't pretend you're not. I do kind of respect that, even though. I agree, the complete lack of pretense of just, let's just, we're appeal to people's basest instincts

because- And be evil. Exactly, yeah, why not? Be evil. Be a guy in a suit that's trying to fucking steal from poor people. Don't pretend you're like cool, you know what I mean? Like, I was- Bezos is so much worse than trying to be like a cool guy.

Yeah, yeah, just stop doing that, dude. Stav, your thoughts, your fork score for Carl's Jr. slash Hardee's. OK, so I thought the burger was really good. I thought, like that smoke that you were talking about, Mitch, 100%, that is what hit me initially. I do think, and maybe it's just that I am in a period of my life where I'm getting

a little healthier, it did feel even to me a little much. Like it was, fuck, it was a lot, right? It was a lot. And ultimately, I just think because of fast food burger is just not as good as even the like, you know, other chains like, you know, the slightly elevated ones, Shake Shack, all that kind of stuff. When you're having that much meat, because it was a good, you know, I'm getting the double,

you know, it was good. It was as good. It was the top of that style of burger, I would say, where it's like McDonald's burger, like that quality of meat where it's like, it felt almost like a real burger, but it still was squarely in the, you know, kind of fake, did I need to eat this weird meat or should I, was there a better option? I think you would hate the six dollar burger because a six dollar burger is supposed to be like an elevated version of it and then you're and then it's like really like focus on like this

thick burger patty. Yeah. And it's, I don't think it's good. See, you can tell the low quality patty a little bit more when it's in a thicker form. Right, right. And I think actually the place like this, I kind of, if I had to do it over again, I probably would have gone single patty, different, because I think they're good at their toppings, right? Sure.

And there was like four different burgers that kind of like, just looking at the menu, I was like, ooh, the spicy one, the guacamole one, like all these other ones, where I'm like. And the guac is good. Guac is good. That's fascinating if they could pull guac off at that scale.

It's good. So I like that, where I will, and I actually really did like the grilled sandwich, just as a, like let's take health and stuff out of it, just as like a, it was a grilled piece of chicken with a nice sauce. It was actually really good. I liked their fries, where they really sort of, the sides are really what fucks me up.

Because I'm looking at this as like, let's say I am a stoned, I'm in my piece of shit era where I get stoned as fuck and what do I want? I do want a burger, I want some kind of chicken thing, I want a side. I want to really do it up that way. Burger solid, you know what I mean? You can build on that burger, it's not an all-star, but it's like, you would give it the max to be your quarterback, you know what I mean?

It's not like, it's not the best player in the league, but it's like a franchise player, you could get on those burgers. There's only 30 teams, so at a certain point, you just have to go all in on your guy. For sure, for sure. But those sides were just like, that chicken, the nuggets, and yes,

I know they're for kids, whatever, but it's like, especially in an era where you guys must know, but I don't know if you feel this way, the nugget technology is fucking great. Fast food chicken technology is fucking out of this world right now, from sandwiches to tenders to nuggets. So many advancements in nuggets where I felt like

I went fucking back in time. 100%. And I was getting. The tenders are so much better. They're hand-brained tenders. I didn't see them though. They don't have them on the menu right now. Are they gone?

I wanted to order tenders. Yeah, they don't have them right now. Fuck them. And I think they were on the national menu or maybe on the East Coast version. And so in my head I was like, oh, I'll try Yeah, they don't have them right now in fall. And I think they were on the national menu or maybe on the East Coast version. And so in my head I was like, oh, I'll try those. They didn't have them, they were fucking dog shit. The zucchini was interesting

because I actually do like fried zucchini. And it was actually not horrible. It was kind of like fun. It was a little weirdly pillowy. But man, those fucking, the chicken, how dog shit the chicken nuggets were and and how like how Just like good but not Spectacular I I mean I still enjoyed it and and for what it's trying to do is like an indulgent place

It's good, but I just I mean those nuggets are gonna haunt me and I I can't put it I can't give it for I can't give it four, I gotta go 375. Wow. 3.75. Fair, fair. I can't do it, you know? As someone who respects the show,

I felt too strongly, I don't think it, I don't think what I got deserved to be, cause that, you can't serve that fucking nugget with a straight face and wanna be a golden plate. Yes, for sure. In my opinion. If we do a revisit to Carl's Jr., me, you and Gabriel's gonna go after a night of going out. I would love that.

And then I think that is the best way to experience it. But the specialty burgers are good. That avocado burger, it has great, the guacamole burger has great, the guac is good, like we were saying. They have surprisingly a guac partly because a lot of the locations are co-branded with a green slash red burrito,

another brand that's fragmented. But the Mexican chains they acquired, and yeah, so they have some on their menu. Greener than Yoda's nut sack. It's fucking, it's great. I think so, yeah. Cause Yoda's, you gotta think his nuts are a little darker than the rest of his body.

Probably. If we're going by just how nuts usually work. Yeah. So it's probably like maybe, you know, more mossy. Mine are very white. They're much whiter than the rest of my body. Hahaha. Sounds like you're backed up.

Hahaha. Yeah, ladies don't know this, but when you're backed up. Hahahaha Hahahaha Yeah, ladies don't know this but when you get backed up your nut sack gets very white it's like moth like or silk, it's like very silky I uh and also, can I say this

Yoda's nut sack looks so shitty in Last Jedi when it came back as opposed to the original nut sack in the first three. Right, yeah, the Frank Oz nut sack. That's what you want. Well, they had a special puppeteer working just the sack. So that it kind of behaved lifelike.

Two sticks. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, look, you know, some people say, you know, you don't want this smoke or whatever. But with Carl's Jr., I like it. You know, some people say, you know, you don't want this smoke or whatever, but with Carl's Jr., I like it. You know, what's funny about it is that you're not a BK fan.

No. And Carl's Jr., to me, if I break them into categories, Carl's Jr. kind of does feel like a BK adjacent fast food restaurant. I think you're right. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't, that smoke, like, it did remind me of the few times I've had Burger King, you know?

So I get that for sure. I think currently, I don't know, because we say BK is back. When I have a great BK, I love it. But I'm like, do I like current Burger King or do I like more than Carl's Jr.? I don't know. That's a tough question.

And honestly, I wonder, it feels like Carl's Jr. and the zeitgeist right now is like, is not as big question. Honestly, I wonder, it feels like Carl's Jr. and the zeitgeist right now is not as big as it was, right? Like it doesn't- For sure. In the middle of those, the like Kate Upton ads and shit like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was huge. What do you say, it's kind of been supplanted by like kind of the fast, casual, more upscale, ones like the, I mean, even Five Guys in this category, but like the Shake Shacks of the world. For sure, for sure. It kind of occupies a space. Was it better under Puzzle? Well, he just left, right?

Yeah, I mean, but also I think it's just like the market has changed and- It's moved on. Yeah, exactly, yeah. But it's a great trashy burger, and I'm almost hesitant in calling it trashy because I do think those specialty burgers are so good, and they do a lot of great stuff here.

I actually think there's a lot they don't do bad besides the nuggets and you know what when you said that I was like I had the nuggets and they were not good But if you get this as the sides hot and fresh the the waffle fries are good Yeah, the regular fries I think are just okay Amelia loved them. I actually Weirdly really like those too. Oh shit. I like those and I like that kind of fry but it really was and you guys that's the other thing I feel like an asshole because We did get this sitting in a fucking lunch like sure This is particularly the kind of thing you got to eat either right out the drive-thru or sitting there like stone whatever like

So I do feel a little bad because I'm sure the sides that I had an issue with would have been a little better But I just think ultimately there's no freshness to saving those nuggets. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know. The tenders come back, you try them, but the milkshakes also, there's, I don't think that they do anything really too poorly besides a couple things, and so I'm going,

I still love Carl's Jr. wise, I'm going four four. You're going four four. I'm still, it's still in the Golden Play Club to me, damn it. And I'm sorry, I think. You're going four forks. It's still in the Golden Play Club to me, damn it. I'm sorry, I think if I had any personal connection to it, it probably would have gotten a little nostalgia nod. But I'm just coming at this, look, I'm objective, man. I'm just a fucking, I'm a scientist.

You knocked it out of the park with your, that just the uneatering being a little bit mushy and still having that consistency is what makes that burger so great. So good. I, but... And that's a great bite. An incredible bite. Yeah, yeah.

And maybe if I had even gotten a single... Maybe it's also just that all this fucking... I'm just not used to... You're catching me in the one time in my life I haven't had this level of grease in my body. And so I might just be, like, pissed off that I'm, like, relapsing on dog shit, you You know, like that's probably part of it, but you know. Well, please don't spiral due to the podcast.

I feel like you've sent a lot of people spiraling. No, that's kind of what's, I mean, there's a lot of things that's like about the podcast, but one of them is that we, it like- Quality of the show is a big issue. One of them is that your cheat meal slot for me and Mitch is oftentimes occupied and a lot of times our guest is occupied by a not great

fast food restaurant and I do kind of feel like eating Carl's Jr. at 1 p.m. or whatever right it's not the time you want to do it. Yes you have to go to have full days. So I am coming into this with a lot of baggage. I do have a lot of nostalgia for Carl's Jr. specifically of Carl's Jr. Hardee's. And I grew up with it. I went all the time. We dine in and it's one of those places

where they have a little number that they bring it out to your table, which I always thought was very classy and fast food. Oh, I like that. I've maybe said this before on the podcast, but Carl's Jr. was the first hot meal I had on September 11th, 2001. You mean like before the tower?

Yeah, before I got there. No, no, no, no, no. I saw, like I watched 9-Eleven happen, and then it went to Carl's Jr. Yeah, I was like, that was my way of dealing with like. And for, oh yeah, oh, so I'm like, hmm. That was like, that like when it started. So I mean, this is a place that for me,

for a lot of times if I want to eat some garbage, you know, this was top of mind for me, along with a place like Del Taco and Jack in the Box, and obviously of course you're in McDonald's as well. Do you remember where your 911 was at Carl's Jr.? Western Bacon Cheeseburger. Wow. I do, yeah. I'll never forget.

So I had, I like, I have a lot of history with this place. That's why you'll never forget where you were, just because you were having a good fucking western bacon cheeseburger. Fucking good. This is, I do feel like it's declined a bit. And I do feel like it's, their menu is getting a little bit out of control.

Like they have too many different menu items. They have too many variations of the same sort of burgers. And the jalapeno burger is gone. They've subtracted some of their better ones that were there. I'm not sure if the teriyaki burger is even available, but that was also a go-to. Their jalapeno burger was yeah, so, so solid.

And I just feel like they're trying too many different things. I agree they absolutely need to step up those nuggets, which were just, in recent memory, we had the Wendy's Spicy Nugs, and those are on a completely different tier. It's like these felt like something you'd make in an oven for a five-year-old.

No, they were so fucked up. They're fucking bad. And so, Commissioner Susser gave this 3.25 forks. I don't know if it'll go that low, but I feel like- He should give every meal five forks. He just comes in and gets it for free. Yeah. Yeah.

I think for me, this is three forks, two tines. I don't feel like it's a four fork chain anymore it's current form. Whoa, I'm alone in the golden breakup. So I'm gonna go three and a half forks for Carl's Jr. Hearths. I'm shocked by this. All right. I think that's, I think we're kind of in the Golden Wake Cup. So I'm gonna go three and a half forks for Carl's Junior Highs. I'm shocked by this. All right. I think we're kind of in the,

I think I gave it the 375 because- You felt bad for us? No, I could've, no, no. The milkshake, I feel like there's things that if I had ordered a little better and if I had gotten one less patty, I think there was a way I could have, that was still, that was the highest score

I could possibly see this restaurant having. To be clear, I'm mad at him. I think he's going low. I think your score was perfect. Yeah, I think, but I think I'm somewhere truly like in the middle zone because I also, and again, you guys know this better, the sense I get is that it has declined.

I think it has. And I also feel like, again, if I have a shake, that alone might get it to four forks if I'd gotten it. I had a shake today, but I didn't. Their shakes remain very good. But I think it is a place where they've gotten a little bit out of control in terms of trying too many things. Their quality has maybe overall dipped a little bit.

And there's also just like, again, I'm gonna go have like an 800 calorie lunch, you know, or honestly, an 800 calorie sandwich, a 1500 calorie lunch. Like there's other places I'd rather spend that indulgence. So I just think they're better options. I'm gonna have Hellboy fucking stuff you in the trash. I'm gonna just fuck that fist off. Yeah, he's gonna dip his red nuts on your forehead

All right, it's uh let's do a segment I've got a mystery beverage and mention stop us use their senses determines identity. It's the Weiger challenge So Amelia picked this up. I guess there's really Your hand for a very long time I saw you in the reflection All right, so we have a we have some glasses of some brown liquid in front of us feel free to grab that We have some glasses of some brown liquid in front of us. Feel free to grab that. I'm advertising. Glass of brown liquid. Let us know what you're smelling, what you're tasting,

what you're seeing. It smells a little vanilla-ish, like a creamy. Have you taken a sip? Oh, yeah, I did. Sorry. No, that's OK. No, you're fine. Go at your own pace.

I'm going to sip of this as well. Because I know what this is, and I haven't had this yet. OK. Which is perhaps a clue in and of itself. I think I know what this is and I haven't had this yet. Okay. Which is perhaps a clue in and of itself. I think I know what this is. I think I do as well. Oh wait, the aftertaste. As a bit of an aftertaste.

I think I know this. You think you know it already. I'm trying to think, is this, I'm just gonna go out there and say this and I'm gonna go out on a limb. Is it possibly a drank or stank I did? No, okay. No, I don't think you've had this.

Okay, okay. I think I like this style of soda. Yeah. So, okay, let's go. Let's see here. It is a soda. There is a little bit of fizz to it. I, yeah, this,

I think it's a wild cherry, or it's a cherry vanilla situation. I think that's what it is. You knocked it out of the park, and I know, you unlocked it for me. I think it's cherry vanilla. Oh, is it wild cherry Pepsi? Wild cherry vanilla Pepsi?

They don't have wild cherry vanilla Pepsi. But do they have a fucking, but maybe they do. Fuck, now I don't know. Look at the millis covered in mold. Weiger's getting uncomfortable in the seat, is normal but it's vanilla fuck it's vanilla for sure it's vanilla for a hundred percent and now I'm thinking it's Pepsi and I know Jesse Farrar said it's a year of pepsi said it's the decade of Pepsi so I really like to be fair? Jesse Fier is a fucking dip shit. He's wrong.

Sorry, Jesse. You're a fucking idiot. I like the decade of Pepsi theory. I think it's possible we could be approaching a new era of Pepsi. And that's sort of like it's time for the underdogs to rise up. Yeah, like Pepsi's finally going to get their shit together. And let's- I love the Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.

I've gotten very big in the diet sodas So the fact this is full this feels unleaded to me. Yeah That's fucking my palate up a little bit because I'm so used to the like aspartame Yeah, so this is kind of the sugar is kind of overpowering me. You like the diets over the zeros Well, it depends depends. It depends. I'm an A&W zero sugar guy. Right. I like a Coke zero, actually. Yeah, I love the zeroes.

I can't do the diets anymore. They taste too science-y to me, but I'm really big on zeroes. Yeah, well, the Pepsi, the diet, the cherry diet Pepsi is fucking good as shit. Okay. So that's back in the zone for me. And I think this is a vanilla, I think...

Fuck, is it just vanilla or is it vanilla cherry? I think it's coke. I don't think it's Pepsi. Oh shit Okay, so we can differentiate that way and I I'm almost sure it's Pepsi. That's you know Respect man, you know have you have your I feel like it's coke for whatever reason We start wrestling Feel like it's coke for whatever reason we start wrestling Bunch of listeners watching beating off I'm the audience surrogate. Fuck, okay.

You're saying Coke, wild cherry? Some sort of cherry coke, right? I don't know if it's vanilla or cherry or cola. I, thank you Casey for, You say chicken cherry. Chicken cherry cola. What was that song? Come stand a little bit, ooh I ooh, I don't want you. That's where it is.

That's it's, that's the nineties fucking stupid reference. When my brain is mush and I just say a reference to hopefully get a laugh. Sorry, man. I'm so in the, in the Coke zone right now. I'm not even listening. It wasn't about missing the reference. I'm just, I'm in the fact where I'm in exactly the fat guy, the beautiful mind equations right now where I'm like, is where I'm in exactly the fat guy the beautiful mind. Yeah equations right now. I'm like

It's a cherry or vanilla I'm gonna just go ahead and lock in coke Cherry vanilla coke cherry vanilla Man, are you right on coke cuz that? Now I'm second-guessing myself and saying is he right on the coke But I don't see you probably,

I don't have full flavor Coke anymore. So I'm out on, so it might be like, I might be wrong. I mean, I don't drink it as much, nearly as much anymore. I'm gonna stick with Pepsi. I'm gonna go wild cherry vanilla Pepsi is my answer. Mitch, your record as of now in the Weiger challenge, according to Vinod who maintains the Doughboys Wiki, 18, 14, and seven.

Wow. Winning record. I'm the adjudicator here, and I believe you were closer, and I'm gonna say you have won the Weigar Challenge because it is Pepsi, wild cherry, and cream. Cream! I actually just looked this up because I was like, is cream and vanilla the same thing

or are they different to these brands? And it did describe it as a mixture of wild cherry, Pepsi, and vanilla Pepsi. So I think vanilla and cream are kind of interchangeable. You getting the Pepsi is the right idea. But here's the thing, is you unlocked it when you said cherry? Because I was like, what am I tasting there?

And then I think this is a joint win So you're gonna get to make this a tie so your record will become 18 14 I don't want it you called Pepsi. You know it's tough come on the Patriots remember all that shit Okay, you're right you had Pepsi I had cherry Gentlemen's a gentleman's draw 14 and 8 just like a restaurant of our years your feedback Let's take it together. A gentleman's draw. 18, 14, and eight. Just like a restaurant, your feedback, let's up with the feedback.

Today's email's from Curtis in Chicago. Curtis writes, I was in Jamaica a few years ago and I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the softest, sweetest bread I've ever had in every piece of bread I've tried since. Of course our listeners are in Jamaica and having a PB and Joe. I was in Jamaica, ignoring my wife and children,

looking for a pastry. Eating a peanut butter jelly sandwich, drinking a glass of far milk. I was in sweatpants, there was no sun touched me at all. I was playing Fire Emblem on Nintendo DS. I took the switch from my daughter. I mean, Animal Crossing Tropical Island was in my hotel room. I've tried and has not lived up to the level of greatness that bread reached.

So the sweetest, softest bread on this PB&J in Jamaica. Is there a meal or food experience you've had in the past that you've been chasing the high of forever since or has ruined other fast food experiences for you because of how good it was? Love y'all so much. The bite I've still never matched and I might have to go to, I guess, St. Louis,

which is the place that originated it, but I had toasted raviolis back when I was a kid and they were so fucking good. Jack in the Box did a version of them for a time. And they were so fucking good. Jack in the Box did a version of them for a time. And I always think of that as just like, I've never had that exact bite again. Like I have the memory of it and I've never had an equivalent.

I mean, we touched on this earlier, but this is the sad thing of getting older, is like you're chasing old memories of tastes. Which is sad and pathetic, but it is the truth. And I have so many of these in my head. I'm trying to think of the best version. But honestly, even one that just happened, we went to in San Francisco and we went to the,

and I'm in New England, this is blasphemous to say, but we went to Hog Island and I had one oyster there that I was like, this is a fucking buttery, a fucking delicious buttery oyster. And look, it happened at one of the best places in the world, so. Was it like Albuquerque crudo or tuna crudo or something that we had there that was like that?

That was fucking great. It was like one of the best bites I've had in a long time. There was one oyster there that was just so fucking creamy and delicious. I was like, I'm happy. Yeah, I don't remember which one it was, I know what you're talking about, the Hog Island oysters, those are incredible, those are transgender oysters,

but that did remind me of something else, Mitch. There was a dish they had there, I ordered the shrimp're talking about, the Hog Island oysters, those are incredible, those are transgender oysters, but that did remind me of something else, Mitch. There was a dish they had there, I ordered the shrimp and grits, and that's when I had shrimp and grits at a restaurant called Hominy Grill in Charleston, South Carolina. There's unfortunately permanent- You got a couple of fucking, she did a couple of hog noises.

We call her a piggy sometimes because her snorts sound like little big swords. The, like, it was a I had Shrimp and Grits at Hominy Grill in Charleston, South Carolina. It permanently closed, I believe, during the pandemic. And I had it, it was so fucking good that me and Nellie went back on the same trip. And we were like, we gotta go get that place again.

It's still the best version of that dish I've had. Not that I'm the authority on it, I'm not from the South, but when I had it at Hog Island, I was like, it's still the best version of that dish I've had. Not that I'm the authority on it, I'm not from the South, but when I had it at Hog Island, I was like, this is good, but it's not what I remember. You know? As good as the rest of that meal was. But stop anything kind of behind, is there any food you've never,

it's never lived up to your old expectations? Yeah, I mean, it's tough because there's obviously, if you eat at a great place, you're just gonna remember. But I like the toasted ravioli, because that's such a, like, it's kind of a, it's an attainable thing that just slips through your fingers. I kind of like that version of this question a little more.

Because like, yeah, I've had like insane steak, you know, I went to Japan and like, went to some insane steakhouse and the quality was, but you know, you can't, you're obviously not just gonna find that anywhere. But I did go, I was in North Carolina, Charlotte, on one of the worst comedy tours of all time. I was opening for my friends, Wham City,

and they just did like, you know, alt comedy, and we were doing shitty burger restaurants, and we were like sleeping on floors and shit. And Charlotte was a horrific show, no one showed up, but we had a meal that was so fucking good, like this barbecue, and it was a burnt end that was just like that perfect fat, just the amount of fat something could have

before it's disgusting. Yeah, sure. But it's delicious, it's like almost buttery, and it's meat, and it still feels like, it was like these burnt ends, and I've had them at great, you go, burnt ends are a nice fatty cut, and I've gone to Austin, I've had them at great, you go, you know, burnt ends are a nice fatty cut, and you know, I've gone to Austin, I've gone to wherever, places that are famous,

never had this, I don't even remember the restaurant, it's one of those just ethereal, maybe if I like looked up the venue and looked up at barbecue restaurants, I'm going back to Charlotte on this tour actually, so who knows, maybe we'll find it again, but that one just like escapes me in a way where it's just like. I would love for you to find, I want you to find it again. Yeah, yeah, like escapes me in a way where it's just like I would love

For you to find I want you to find it again You're just saying that makes me be like I've maybe eaten the best thing I'll ever eat already, which is kind of crazy to think about that's crazy. I mean never had that thought You may be did you maybe have your best meal already Amelia does not think that Amelia's got more time left than us. Yeah. Yeah. Our countdown time is over. No, it's not looking good, dude. We've got more volume and less time. More things eaten and less time left. Probably close to the Jared prison countdown.

But that is like, there's like plenty of things in my, uh, in my life where I like, uh, have you been to Moosecraft here by the way? No. Really good barbecue spot in, uh, in, in LA that I went to recently. It's really, really good. Yeah. But, but it's, it's, it's, it's almost just like, uh, like, like this is like an ASAP fable. Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, sure. Like there's so many things in my mind that I can talk about of John Thomas steakhouse that's shut down, but like having like a steak there back in the way in Ithaca and like so many places back home that are just gone that, that, but something that I guess specifically to the question that like. I just thought of another good one. What did you think of? This, that place I mentioned Nacho, this is a place that closed down.

They had a thing called Mesa fries and it had a spice blend blend that just, the company stopped making, and there's just no way to get, and it was a specific onions, and like, it was so fucking good, but this is a different thing. Back home places shutting down is the saddest thing. Yeah, it's a bummer. It's just a passage of time, it's just so sad. You realize, yeah, life is, there's no going back to anything,

but life is like that Mario level where it just, it just keeps going forward, you know what I mean? Sure, sure. Like, yeah, just stay still, it's continuing to anything. But life is like that Mario level where it just keeps going forward. You know what I mean? You can't just stay still, it's continuing to scroll. Shit from the past is just gone forever. You could probably name like six of those levels off the top of his head. I was thinking tubular right now. You could keep grabbing pee balloons, you know, and stay afloat.

But yeah, that's like definitely like a, yeah, exactly what you're saying, the conveyor belt of time. It's like crushing when you think about it. We're all in a state of constant decay. Yeah. Anyway, that about does it for the... That's... There are so many back...

But specifically to his question, this is the best bread. And I'm like, try it. Oh yeah. Oh, did he say bread or just bite? No, he said bite. He was talking food generally. But like...

It was that soft bread though, he was saying, right? If you have a bread memory, yeah. That was his. That was Curtis' But I'm trying to think of like, what is a thing that I then compare to? I guess pizza is, when we did like the pizza tour or whatever,

and then going to New Haven and Regina, it's like, I'll always compare stuff to the best pizza obviously, but I don't know. I have a fast food one. I mean, a lot of people talk about the Bell Beefer from Taco Bell, which I don't have nostalgia for but a lot of People do it's like a sloppy Joe with taco meat That they've never brought back and I was I was expecting in the era's menu at certain point they do that But a pizza hut my wife and I have talked about this pizza hut had the Bigfoot pizza

And that was just like a big Yeah, it's real fucking good and I think about that a lot and I'm fat pizza. I remember that one. I had that one time. Yeah, it was real fucking good. And I think about that a lot, and I'm surprised they've never attempted that again. They did a Detroit style that was kinda like it, but it was not the same. Yeah. Anyway.

God, I have a lot, I'm thinking so many wings. Oh yeah. So many wings of your things that have passed. I'm just like, now I'm like, damn, I've had so many nice meals. Yeah. Yeah. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at Feedbag at Birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DOE.

That's 830-463-6844. Our producers, Emma Erdbrink, our associate producer, Emilio Marino, our supervising video producers Casey Donahue, and our video editors Mike Dorfman. And hey, Doughboy's apparel and merchandise is available in partnership with kinship goods at kinship goods.com slash dough boys you can also subscribe to our patreon get the dough boys double a weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre 2018 back catalog at patreon.com slash dough boys. Stavros Halkias thank you so much for being here. What an absolute joy.

I will do this podcast weekly. It would be a much better podcast. I will do this podcast weekly. No. No. Like, I would. It would be a much better podcast. Better show. More popular show. I remember, because like, we didn't really know. Like, when we started Come Town back in the day, it was around the same time.

I feel like we were in like a weird wave of guys who all started these should never have been successful, but got wildly popular podcasts. And I remember looking at you guys so jealous that you came up with the idea to eat fast. At the time, 10 years ago, I was jealous, because I was broke and all I had was fast food. Not anymore.

And now I'm like, oh, yeah. The way you guys, you complain about your fans plus the podcast, what the podcast does, whereas I just get to complain about the fans. You know what I mean? But at the time, I remember being like, I used to not listen, because this is when I respected podcasting,

and I was like, I don't want to take any of their shit, man. I don't want to steal their fast food theories. So I started listening, actually, earlier this year. So it's been fucking, and I've been a fan of you guys outside of it, but it's been so fun to just do the podcast. Oh man, likewise, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome to have you on. Anything you'd like to but it's been so fun to just do the pods. Oh man, likewise, man. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, thanks. Awesome to have you on. Anything you'd like to plug? Yeah, please come see me on the road. I'm shocked that the tour is going well. Like I took a year off of touring and got back to it, and I'm actually, the shows have been so fun. They've been great.

I really like this hour of standup that I'm doing, and it's gonna be a great show. And you know, check out Stavisworld if you haven't. But yeah, just come see me on the road. We're, I think, I don't know what's coming up, but I got some dates coming up. You heading to Boston anytime soon? I haven't announced yet.

I got some of my freak friends out there to see. Yeah, I actually love Boston as a comedy city, and I'm in the process of planning the end of the, I'm gonna do some fall dates. I saved a lot of the East Coast so that I could just fly from, or drive from New York. So I'm working on Boston, I think, for the end of the year. Hell yeah, all right.

Hey man, you might be there. You might be, don't you take a two month sabbatical? I take a good one. A holiday sabbatical? I think it might be, yeah, fucking come by if you're there. We'll get some Kelly's. Yeah, I'll get the Quincy crew out. That would be great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, there you go. Hey, we'll get some Kelly's. Yeah, I'll get the Quincy crew out. That'll be great. Yeah, yeah. Wow, there you go. Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys, so until next time, let me take that again. You know what, fuck it, we're done. Yeah! See ya! That was a hate gum podcast.