Doughboys - Carl's Jr./Hardee's with Ben Axelrad

Episode Date: July 8, 2015

Doughboys break down dual identity burger chain Carl's Jr./Hardee's with the help of writer and comedian Ben Axelrad.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the U.S., the Mason-Dixon line divides the country into the once-warring regions of North and South. But though certainly the most culturally significant, it's not the only demarcating border in the loose federation of independent states that is America. In 1941, Carl and Margaret Carcher opened a hot dog cart in Anaheim, California. Their success led to a restaurant Carl's Drive-In Barbecue that was followed by a smaller version, named Carl's Jr. Meanwhile, in 1960 in Greenville, North Carolina, Wilbur Hardy opened a burger joint of his

own, though he gave it his last name instead of his first. These two restaurants grew independently in their respective regions, west and east of the Mississippi, before finally merging in 1997 to become the sixth-largest chain in America. Though they now share a menu, marketing, and corporate leadership, both brands continue to exist, with Carl Carcher's legacy occupying one side of the country and Wilbur Hardy's the other. This week on Doe Boys, Carl's Jr. and Hardy's.

Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Mike Mitchell. Hi, Mitch. What's going on? You're really pushing the Spoon Man thing, and I do not think it is taking. Am I pushing it? I feel like I've just casually mentioned that I'm going to buy everyone as a Spoon Man. I'm going to attempt it a few more weeks, see what happens.

If you like it, tweet at us, hashtag, go, go get him Spoon Man. Go, go get him Spoon Man or just one go there? Go, go get him Spoon Man. Go, go get him Spoon Man. Sure. Like you're saying, like Inspector Gadget's thing. Yeah. All right.

I mean, Spoon Man has a, I have a lot of ideas for what that character is. It's glad that you could give a, you kind of gave it a little civil war feeling between Hardy's and Carl's Jr. I mean, I'm certainly not the first to make that observation, but there is a part of the country where there's Carl's Jr., there's a part of country where there's Hardy's, and there's a part of country where there's neither, which I believe is true of Massachusetts. That's where I'm from. There is no, there is no Carl's and or Hardy's.

Wait. Did I say it right? Carl's, there's no Carl's Jr. or Hardy's. Yeah. Neither of them exist there. Yeah. For what you listeners don't know is that every time I stumble or say something stupid, I get this death stare.

I can't deal with it. It's stressful. This podcast has turned into a stressful event for me. Yeah. No, I never had it either growing up. Wendy's was kind of our, Wendy's was, I feel like was our fancy fast food. Yeah. The one that I love the most.

We had McDonald's and Burger King, of course, but Wendy's was the one we went to when we wanted like, ooh, that's a nice little fast food spot. Yeah. It's a little, it feels a little bit more upscale, and I think it's partially reflected in its price point. You're not going to break the bank at Wendy's, but you're spending a little bit more than you are at like a Burger King or McDonald's, I think in general. Yeah.

I agree. 100%. And it's a little bit, it's the quality is better, I would say. I will say that I'm excited to dig into a national burger chain, which I think that this is the first one we've done that. Is that correct? Is this the first step? That's true.

Where we've tackled one of these? Yep. Put your bib on because we're getting into it here. Yeah. This, because I mean, let's be honest here, burger chains are kind of what run this, run fast, the fast food in America. They are, yeah. They are the biggest.

I think if you look at the, if you look at like the top five, top 10, they're dominated by things like McDonald's and Burger King and Wendy's and Carl's Jr. slash Hardee's. Those are all in there. And you know, you've certainly got ones like Subway and Taco Bell sort of peeking in there, but still burgers, I think, are the quintessential American cuisine and that's reflected in our fast food restaurants. Yes, for sure. And now, Carl's didn't have the first drive-through, did it?

I don't know. I, okay, I didn't do much research on this one. I put some effort into the intro and then after that, I didn't really look into the history of Carl's Jr. all that much, which I should have. I really, I didn't do my job on this one. Well, I feel like now we're going to get beat up on for this, but I feel like the drive-through, the drive-through, like an invention of the drive-through is because of burger places. Like a, right?

Sure. Yeah, I mean. Certainly like the idea of a drive-in, like you drove up to a place and parked your car in the car hop, brought it out to you on roller skates. For sure. That was like a burger restaurant thing originally. And yeah, imagine the drive-through where you ran your car and then take it home to go. I think that would, undoubtedly that came from burger restaurants as well.

Where do you rank burgers as far as your favorite food? Oh boy. There you go. Definitely top 10. And I know that's very safe to say top 10, but they're definitely somewhere in my top 10. I don't know if they'd quite be in my top five. They might sneak in there.

I love a good burger. I tell you, and it doesn't just have to be a, you know, like a, between a bun, I'll take like a burger protein style, which is just wrapped in lettuce, or I'll take like a burger with some salad on the side. Just have the patty. I mean, I definitely like some ground meat with some sort of cheese and some sort of sauce and some sort of toppings on it. Do you think burgers make Chris Rock's top five?

It's general top five category. Yeah. I don't know. Burgers are top five food for me too. I love them. And we had a You Mommy episode, which is a fancier place. And now we're getting into, we're getting into like the really fast food burger place. This is, this, this to me is a place I didn't know growing up.

I had heard of Hardy's more so than Carl's Jr. And I don't even know if I was excited to try Carl's Jr. when I got out here. And then I tried it and I love Carl's Jr. a lot. I really, really love Carl's Jr. All right. Well, don't shoot your wad, buddy. Oh, sorry. It's not fork time yet.

I was just getting really worked up. I'm sorry. You just blurred out five forks and they're five guesses just dying. Hey, you don't know. Let's introduce our guest. We're super excited to have him today, a very, very funny man, our good friend, Ben Axelrad. Hi, Ben. Hey, guys.

Welcome to the show. Thanks for being here. Thanks so much for having me. Five forks. I'm going to get up out of here. Oh, God. Yeah, be two, five forks. Yeah, be two, five forks.

This is chaos. Nick, close earth down. Just kidding. Just kidding. Carl's Jr., as we all know, is open 24 hours. Not in a row, though. They're not in a row? 24.

24 non-consecutive hours. That's right. They grow over Cleveland at fast food restaurants. Ben, tell us a little bit about where you're from and growing up. What were the fast food restaurants, the chain restaurants that you fancied? All right. I'm from Detroit, Michigan, originally from Temple, Texas, which is just outside of Austin, but raised in Detroit.

We are Hardee's people in as much as we're not Carl's Jr. people. Sure. I wouldn't say it's the number one brand out there. You're saying that you're Hardee's people in the sense of Hardee's is like available in Detroit. Yes. We're Hardee's country. Okay.

I would say the biggest of the fast food chains there, I don't know if they have these everywhere, is A&W. Oh, yeah. A lot of dogs. Yes. We've got Hardee's. There was a Hardee's. Wait, that's the biggest, you'd say, in the Detroit, Michigan area?

Not meaning there are the most locations, but meaning it's the one that I think people think of. Interesting. I mentioned in Eight Mile, I think, and yeah, it's popular when you guys were talking about the roller skates out to your car with the tray of your food at the drive-in kind of fast food joints, or maybe you weren't. Maybe I was imagining that. I have not.

I just got here, guys. We were saying that. That wasn't a fever train. We were saying that. That's what I think of, is them rolling out with your chili dogs on a cart. I think the reason that those are so popular is because Detroit is famous for having these things called Coney Dogs, which are a form of chili dog that they sell at places called Coney Island that I guess originated in Coney Island, New York, but don't exist in Coney

Island, New York, and do exist all over Detroit. We've got these places called Leo's Coney Island, and we've got National Coney Island, and these places are strewn throughout Michigan and then nowhere else. Interesting. That, to me, is that I've heard this about Detroit, that they love hot dogs. It's a big thing up in Detroit. I feel like more than, you know, like, oh, New York pizza, whatever, in Detroit, I just hear hot dogs.

It's so funny to hear Coney Island, too, because you immediately think of Coney Island in New York, but you guys are hot dog enthusiasts, and I think that that's passed over to you because there was a place I remember that popped out here that was like a Detroit-style hot dog place, and we never went, but you were extremely interested in it, and you do love Coney Dogs, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think everyone, so I actually went on, I was on Rachel Ray, and I made Coney, I made Coney Dogs on Rachel Ray in a segment called Old School, New School, where she made

like a variation on the Chili Dog, and then they sort of competed. Which version of the Rachel Ray show was this? Whatever, like the Rachel Ray show, the one her talk show. Okay, so like your talk show, gotcha. I think the competition was whichever hot dog she liked the most, she would marry the most. That's right. That's right.

The band is married. You're married to Rachel Ray now, right? That's right. Her hot dogs are getting separated, and it's a touchy situation. No, I went on, and it was a situation where I had a friend who worked for her magazine, and the friend asked me, because I had won a few Chili Cookoffs back home in Michigan, which I think basically I won because I can give a decent speech, and they liked me giving a speech at the end.

Right, there's a speech portion of a Chili Cookoff? Yeah, they'd give you a trophy, and then you'd have to give a big speech, and I would always talk. Was there a swimsuit competition? It was, yeah, which of course I won, this is Detroit, I'm a Detroit 11, come on. Sorry, Detroit, that's not entirely true. What is this all this Detroit babble on? If you'd just opened one, Carl's Jr., I'd come back to you.

I just submitted this recipe, even though I'd never made a Coney dog in my life, they asked me to do it, I did it. Then they called me, and they were like, hey, could we film you making it? And I was like, okay, that's fine. So they were sending a picture, as soon as I sent in the picture, literally minutes later, they were like, could we fly to New York to do a makeover as well? So I had to get on a plane and go to New York and make chili, and I, oh, sorry about that. Oh, no worries.

Make chili in some, like, stranger's apartment, even though it was, like, literally a five minute walk from my friend's apartment that looked identical to it. But they set it up with the lights and the cameras and everything to shoot it there. They absolutely could have done it at my friend's house with my friend. I will only say this because I'm a big guy and sloppy a lot of the time, but the fact that you just had to go on and make chili dogs but then also needed a makeover is the funniest thing on her. I know.

She's like, you can't make that sloppy chili dog until we get you a makeover. It's like, fuck you, right? You're too fat and ugly for the chili cook-off. Oh, my God, Ben! Look. She could be listening to this. Rachel Ray, girl. I still love you.

She's pretty. She's a pretty lady. She's a pretty lady. She's married to, like, some mediocre rock star from, like, New York or something. Jesus, you're insulting people left and right. We're not going to get her on this show. Oh, yes, we will. We'll start the beefs here, Ben.

Figured a Guy Fieri's restaurant. Her husband is in Led Zeppelin. Like I said, mediocre rock star. Oh, boy. Jesus. So you went over to this guy's apartment and they shot you making this chili dog. Was this before or after the makeover? This was before the makeover.

And yeah, then they put me in some taxi and brought me to, like, you know, Times Square or something and, like, made me try on clothes for a long time and gave me, like, you know, like, definitely a haircut that was more expensive than all haircuts that I had had up to that point. It was, like, hundreds of dollars and completely wasted on me. And because then I went home and, like, completely styled it wrong and then went on national television and, you know, waved to, like, a lot of moms. I've always been well-received by moms and so it was, like, a good audience for me.

That's great. They kind of ate me up. Yeah, I think you're a mom guy for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think it speaks to your... So Ben is one of my good buddies out here, one of my best buds out here and he's a great guy.

And I think you have a way of talking to people and I think you make him... I think Ben in the past has reminded me of, oh, Mitch, people like you because I hate myself so much and he's like, don't hate yourself as much as you do. And I think there's a loving quality to you, Ben, that I think that moms in particular really... Nice. Yeah, they're attracted to that. I hope so.

Yeah, all moms would like to be with you. Well, moms, I'm available. Listeners out there, lock up your moms. Ben Axelrad is on the prowl. He's now known as the mom fucker. It turned into a lovable thing. Now he's the mom fucker and you have to lock up your moms. Spoonman, the mom fucker, and Nick Weiger.

Nicknamed TBD. So Ben, you mentioned that it's Hardy's country over there. At some point, they kind of switched from... There was a merger and they've adopted kind of the Carl's Jr. logo, the Carl's Jr. star, which was a Carl's thing. Oh, Carl's logo. But it still says Hardy's just in the Carl's Jr. font and that sort of transition has begun. Do you remember when Hardy's before that happened, do you remember old school Hardy's,

what that was like? Yeah, no, it was completely different. I mean, not completely different in that they're all sort of roughly the same, but yeah, they had their own names for things and I loved their names. I thought they had hilarious names in ways that I love Carl's Jr. Don't get me wrong, I love their burger, but I think they can't market themselves out of a paper bag, which is a problem because that's what they serve their food in. But Hardy's had this thing.

I want to say they had three tiers of a burger called the Husky Burger, which I think is a hilarious name for a burger. And one of them was called the Husky Jr., which could have been my nickname. Definitely could have been my nickname. And I think there was like a big Husky. They had like a Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear kind of like tier system to their burgers, I think, because I feel like there was definitely a big Husky and then there was a Husky Burger and then the kids had the Husky Jr.

And then, so I realized, yeah, I had like an epiphany involving Hardy's recently where, I guess for the first time I said out loud, you used to eat Hardy's breakfast every day. And then in my head, I was like, oh, those other kids, they had much faster metabolism than me. No, they just didn't eat Hardy's for breakfast every single day. And I had this thing that was called the Frisco sandwich that was basically two pieces of grilled sourdough bread with ham and cheese and egg in the middle. And I had that like every single day for breakfast.

What'd you get with that? Like some hash brown, some juice? Yeah, yeah. And this was, what age range was this? So this would have been, there was one right down the street from, I went to this alternative high school and it was right down the street from there and I would drive to that school and I would pick it up. So 16 until 18.

Okay, all right. Yeah. It is that period of kids breakfast, I feel like is something very interesting. I had a, my dad is great and he was great at always like cooking for us, but he made me like very unhealthy breakfast that I had all the time. And there was a stretch where he would basically just make me an at home McMuffin every day. He would have, you know, I'd have like a little English muffin with a little bit of disc of egg that he would like microwave in a margarine container.

So it'd be in the cylindrical shape of a McMuffin thing. It was actually kind of a creative solution, the little ham and cheese on that. So I had that for like a long time. That was really fattening. But the thing I think was that was, that was worse that I had for a while is I would have a butter, a bagel every morning rather. And on that would be butter. On top of the butter would be cream cheese.

And on top of the cream cheese would be strawberry preserves. Three layers of spread on this bagel. And that was, and have that plus a glass of milk and a glass of orange juice. It was probably like an 800 calorie breakfast and then it'd go off to school. Yeah, that's a big, that's a big breakfast. Yeah. I've talked about breakfast briefly on this podcast before. My dad would, my dad was great on weekends.

He would make, like for Christmas and stuff, he'd make Eggs Benedict. And then he'd make waffles or something like scrambled eggs on the weekend. Weekdays, different story. My dad's a lawyer. He had to work. My mom didn't really cook. So it was either cereal, which I never would eat or I would get a bagel with cream cheese, which is bad for you or like a pop tart.

But it usually was always just like getting a pop tart and kind of eating it. And then like eating a candy bar in school. It's like a terrible thing for a young kid to do. But just like anything to stay awake because for some reason when you're like, like in going through puberty, you're supposed to be at school at like seven in the morning for whatever fucking reason. School is too early. It's way too early. Just remember that of just being like tired the whole day.

And then in the morning, it was too early to be eating. And I'd just be putting all this food in my mouth because you just have to eat. That makes me sick when I eat food like that in the morning. I feel nauseous. I can't eat that early in the morning. If school was at 10, I wouldn't even mind to stay till five. It would have been fine. It would have made my life so much better if it was 10 o'clock.

And also as far as like a high school kid, you don't need like your mom and dad to drop you off really. You know, you can get there on your own. So I have a lot of problems with the education system in America. It's basically that they don't let us sleep longer than adults. Well, we're on the subject of unhealthy breakfast. For a time, I worked at Activision, the video game company as first customer service rep. So I would be answering the phones when people would call in with complaints about games or they'd have a bug and they'd need help with it.

And then later on, I was a game tester. So I just basically play through video games and look for bugs. And that was a lot less interesting than it sounded. But when I'd go to Activision in the morning, my breakfast for a time, and this was horrible. This was when I was much less healthy than I am today. But my breakfast for a time was I'd get a cup of coffee, black coffee. I'd get a king-size Snickers bar out of the vending machine. And then I'd have a Mountain Dew Code Red.

What the fuck? I'd have that at like 8.30 a.m. every day. So pretty much your breakfast habits have been terrible up until like a year ago? You've never had good breakfast habits. But you're right. I mean, when you have to be alert at 7 in the morning, you basically need rocket fuel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not going to, like, even just, and they don't give you a coffee when you're a child.

So you'll need something that you can put into your body that's going to like propel you until like lunchtime. Why not just let us start after lunch? Does that sound like a better idea? My issue is that I have such a sensitive stomach, like I am such a, like my stomach will hurt too much. And I feel like with breakfast, that always messes with me. But like, especially something like that, like a Snickers bar or anything. Like I just, I can't do that. And I can't do coffee because it will get me wiry.

And then also like my stomach will hurt. So like, I've chosen to just live like a sloth-like life where it's 10 a.m. when I'm like really going. And of course I can get up if I have to at 7 a.m. and stuff, but it really messes with me. You have caffeine though, right? I do, but I don't drink coffee regularly. And Ben is kind of, we're kind of similar in a lot of ways like that. But you guys will drink like a caffeinated soda? I will.

I try not to anymore. Oh, wow. Ben has recently, has recently, I'm drinking a Diet Coke because I am tired right now more than anything. But it usually doesn't help me. I probably should have made myself a cup of small coffee, but I didn't want to get jittery. It's like, it's a weird line where Coca-Cola won't really get me jittery. But a small Starbucks coffee gets me completely jittery. And then also kind of gives me anxiety.

Ben, when did you stop drinking caffeine entirely? Lately, I've been having it like, to some extent. But about a year ago, I tried to quit. And I did, I successfully quit. And quit smoking cigarettes too. Yeah, that's true. At the same time. Thank you.

I got like, weirdly sick in a way that's like, neither interesting nor all that devastating. Wait, from the two things together or specifically from caffeine? Yeah, I was putting tobacco in my Coca-Cola and I was chugging it. And I would just like, the weirdest thing, I would just like instantly vomit. And I was like, doctor, explain this. I was like, you're a moron. I'm going to get a second opinion. So guys, am I a moron?

Yes. All right. Doc? No, so yeah, I just had, I developed like a weird stomach condition. And so I stopped like, drinking Coke. And I stopped eating, you know, basically the, I think that was like roughly when I stopped eating Carl's Jr. Oh, wow. But I didn't stop.

Really, I just stopped because I moved away from where the Carl's Jr. was. And since I've eaten crappier, much crappier things than Carl's Jr., it was just, yeah, when I went back today to eat Carl's Jr., I realized, yeah, I think it's been a year. And they've completely changed the place. Wow. Also, when you moved away the logo, the smiling star turned into a brown. Let's get into Carl's Jr. slash Hardee's. We'll focus on Carl's Jr., I think that's most of our experience.

Yeah, I've eaten at a Hardee's once and they were very similar to me, different names. It was almost like that Simpsons joke where the Chief Wiggum or I think it's Lou or something goes to a McDonald's and he's comparing it to like Krusty Burger. Oh, sure. Right. And they're like exactly, almost exactly the same. I feel like there might be some specials that are different. Yeah, I'm judging this completely on Carl's Jr., but I gotta ask Ben, because you and I have a history of hanging out and stuff

and that sounds weird, but you and I have a history of hanging out and we would be at parties at the birthday boys. I didn't live there, but a bunch of the guys had a house together and we would go get Carl's Jr. Did I in any way affect your, or did you always like Carl's Jr. or what was the deal on that? Because you know that I love Carl's Jr. Yeah, yeah. There was, well, I'm trying to think, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I didn't have a car for a little while, as you know. You used to give me a lot of rides and there was a Carl's Jr. that was walking distance from my first place and so that was like my first encounter with it and was sort of like, you know, had that really dumb initial reaction

where I was like, oh, this place is ripping off Hardee's, you know, and then like took mere moments to realize that it was the same food and that's also, who gives a crap if they're ripping off Hardee's? I have no horse in that race. They rip off anyone you want. And yeah, and then I started eating it, but I definitely ate the most of it, I would say, with you when we would either come back from the birthday boy's house or we would get it and just bring it back to those parties because they had that one that was so accessible. So basically it was like the first, it was the first fast food place that I loved that was accessible when I moved to Los Angeles

and now I moved to the east side and there's not one within miles, like miles and miles. I don't eat it as much anymore either strictly because of that and also I haven't been drinking as much and Carl's Jr. for sure is a place that you want to go when you've had a few drinks and I won't say I don't contone drinking and driving at all, but I like that. Say you don't contone drinking at all. We're taking a stand here on the Doe Boys. I'm against drinking and driving. It was up in the air till now, but it's that sort of thing of like Carl's almost, I feel like in fights drunk

and also their drive through is only open. So I'm being a little critical of Carl's because I do really, really, I love it quite a bit and I did this talk show pilot and they even put Carl's, it's a thing that people know about me so much that they put Carl's Jr. in the show. They're like dangled it in front of me and I was like, I want that or whatever. Like a big fat loser and for me it was one of those chains that I was like, what is that place? It's whatever. It looks like a Burger King or whatever and this is like 2006 or something when I was first out here.

And then I tried it and it kind of, I think the quality of it is better than a lot of other places. Like it's way up there for me. I really think it's good and there's some things I don't like about that place. Like it's advertising is a little crazy. Just horrible advertising. Just horrible. Yeah, well we can get into this a little bit and I'm not sure how national these are, but I think they are, I think they do the same advertising for Hardee's,

which is it's a blatantly sort of sexist campaign where they'll usually have hot models in bikinis often in swimwear, scantily dressed, and then they're eating a burger in a very seductive and sort of sexual way. A lot of dripping sauces is a thing that's a part of it. It's so strange. Like, I mean, first of all, it's pretty chauvinistic and terrible, and I feel bad for these really attractive ladies who have to sit up there and sit by the car and do their thing and eat this burger,

but it's also just kind of this weird thing of like, which guy, like, why do guys want to see that? I don't understand. It's marketed so much for men. But so wrongly, like it completely depreciates the burger. It doesn't appreciate the woman. She looks gross. The burger itself looks like, I mean, she does.

She looks amazing until she bites into this. And then the burger has that kind of rubber bounce, like it's like fake vomit or something. It's not appetizing looking. And like you're saying, it's so directly meant to appeal to one section of the audience who basically us, like us, and we're here saying it's disgusting. Yeah, I wish we had a ladies perspective instead of three fat guys. Hey, mix the kind of dough boy meaning money.

While we're on this subject, I'll play a little bit of this for us. We were familiar with this one, but I think this was the one that kicked it off. Back when Carl's Jr. had the $6 burger, they had a Super Bowl ad featuring, at the time, Paris Hilton, who was at the apex of her fame, and there was this ad where she was watching a car. We'll go ahead and watch this up with this up to the mic so we can hear it. Well, if you're just listening to the podcast, you get to hear that lovely song. But we'll put a link to this on our Twitter so you can check out the video and watch along.

Yeah, so it's basically Paris Hilton is washing a car in a very... Like, yeah, revealing bathing suit. Very revealing bathing suit. And then it turns into a point where she's eating the Charles Jr. $6 burger. I gotta say, doing a terrible job of cleaning that car, I'd be dissapointed. If you paid for car detailing and then the guy washing your car was sitting on the hood eating a cheeseburger, you fire him so quickly. What the fuck are you doing?

I want my money back. Unless he had another cheeseburger. Yeah, the conflation of like, it's such a transparent, and I think the Charles Jr. party CEO has said as much of like, yeah, this is what we're trying to do. We're trying to market the men in a very sexual way because that's, guys will remember it. Hey, we're talking about it, huh? We're talking about it, guys. It's true.

And I mean, there's no doubt that it's very attractive girls and a lot of them have gone on to do some good stuff from... Is it wrong of you to say they're very attractive girls? No, it's nothing wrong of that at all. And then they went on to... Some of them went on to some good success, but that guy, the president or whatever, it kind of seems like a piece of shit. Yeah, it sure is.

There is like a... The conflation of sex and food though, I find that extra gross for some reason. There's something about like, okay, hey, we're trying to get your dick hard and also get your belly full and trying to think of those things at the same time. I can't... Even just the idea of having sex or jacking off after a big meal. There's nothing I'd rather not do. Definitely.

It's disgusting. This is my favorite moment that you said that sentence is my favorite thing on Earth. Well, no, I mean like... Yeah, me too. Just like gorging on food and just... You know that feeling when you're really, really full? Like after Carl's Jr., I'm always just like so like greasy full, like I'm like sweating from how much I've eaten.

There's been so many times in my life where I have eaten a big meal and I have gone out with a girl or I'm around a girl that I've liked and been like, I can't be around you. I'm so full and feel disgusting. Yeah. I don't even want you to look at me. I feel like a monster. Like I can't... I'm with you.

I don't even understand how it can even be related to each other. Yeah. Or even the fact that a guy likes like, he's like, yeah, I like that girl eating her burger. Like it's so strange on so many levels. Like there's nothing about it that really works, but they grab your attention. I'll say that much. It's true. And I will say a thing I do like about Carl's is, I kind of do like the stance of like,

and I've said this before, but it's like, here it is. Like I almost like that more of like, because it's almost putting me down in a way of like, here it is. You got to come and eat this, you fat fucking shit. Like come and eat this, you fuck. Like I'm like, I do want it. That to me is almost more like, I like that more. I like that too.

Where I'm like, yeah, I do. I want to put like pastrami on my burger. Like I need that. Like that to me is more appealing. And I love how they just are like unabashedly like, they'll drop. And I kind of like when the burger looks, when they drop the burger and like it fucking bounces and sauce goes up. Yeah.

I like that. The models eating them on cars is strange to me and kind of chauvinistic. Very chauvinistic. You know, I don't completely not condone chauvinism. That's my thing. Good thing he's not one of the hosts of Hill Boys. No, I mean, I wish it was about the chauvinism because it would be so much easier to defend. But I just think it's super disgusting watching them eat it.

Sure. That too. Like I think just in general they, like not even having to do with the women. Like I was just there like half hour ago or whatever to eat before coming on this to discuss it. And they have this new burger. I like that move by the way. That just like coming, eating and then coming right to the studio. That's like a really, like I feel like we're getting a really, really fresh assessment from this.

So I appreciate that. Yeah. And it's just pretty much Ben has to take a shit for it. I got maybe eight minutes. But, you know, I was in there and they have this thing and I ordered it just because I was coming on here to talk about these things. They have this thing that they're calling like the first all natural burger, fast food burger. And so I ordered it and it's, you know, they say it's like, you know, all those terms, you know, like no hormones, no GMOs or whatever it is that they talk about. And like, and that's fine that you would come out with like a healthy burger or whatever.

But in my head, the burger that I actually wanted just became completely unhealthy and they told me and you just didn't have to tell me. I already knew it, but you're saying it out loud in that same way where like, like, okay, so they don't do the six dollar burger anymore. They call it their original thick burger, which it was originally, it was always going to be like the six dollar original thick burger. But now they took out the six dollar part because the six dollar never made sense to begin with. It was always more money than that. Well, there was a time when they were like their original marketing when the six dollar burger came out was it was cheaper than six dollars. And so the idea was saying like, it's like a six dollar restaurant burger. Which doesn't exist anymore.

Yeah. And so I get them getting rid of the six dollar. That makes sense. Especially because like if the original, like if you thought like, if it originally cost six dollars to for this burger, like in 1940 or whatever, that's like a hundred dollar burger. Which is like, you don't like, that's a hundred dollar burger. But anyway, when you go in there and you order a thick burger, what you're telling me is really that those burgers that I've been eating for years are not thick burgers. But it's not like you're saying it's a thin burger.

Like when you go, like Domino's has deep dish and thin crust, you just have your regular burger that's not thick anymore. And but now you're telling me that it's a thick, you have this other burger that's thick and good. And then you've got this burger that's not thick and no good. It's like those sort of marketing things. I feel like they have a better product. But if they could just market, if they could market themselves better, they could actually compete with like, definitely with Burger King. I mean, their burger is very similar to Burger King's to Wendy's. McDonald's is always going to have their own sort of like sub food market.

You know, in the same way that like Coca-Cola is basically like a drink invented by Coca-Cola. But Carl's Jr. should be competing with Carl's Jr. Hardee's. It should definitely be up there with like all those other chains that basically want you to believe that their burger is a good burger. Well, I think they're doing all right. But I think you do make a good point that their menu is a little confusing in that they have the thick burgers being separate from their other burgers. Like the Superstar with cheese, which I believe is not a thick burger, right? Or then the Western Bacon Cheeseburger, which I understand this is one difference is I don't believe Hardee's has the Western Bacon Cheeseburger, which is such a staple of the menu out here.

Oh yeah, they're missing out big time. In fact, I'd say Carl's Jr., that's probably my go-to meal, is the double Western Bacon Cheeseburger. I feel like that's my favorite Carl's Jr. Burger. This is like another one of your breakfasts that you get. And we also now know that you can't jerk off for a little bit of time after eating these things. They've got quite the glimpse into your life. It's like after swimming, right? That's right.

Before swimming. You don't want to do it right away. You can't jerk off before you ever swim. You can't jerk off for 30 minutes after swimming. But yes, and then the thick burger being a different section. And also there was a time when, talking about specifically the Western Bacon Cheeseburger, there was a time they had the Western Bacon Cheeseburger, the double Western Bacon Cheeseburger, and then also the $6 Western Bacon Cheeseburger,

which was so like I would just go there and be paralyzed of like which one I get. And then with the $6 burger and now the thick burger, you choose between one third pound and one half pound. It's just like it's too many decisions that I have to make. For sure. And this is funny to me because even just like you were saying, the all-natural burger is so weird just based on what Carl's advertises because they were unabashedly being like, eat this pastrami burger or this like any one of these burgers. And now I'm like, are you even attempting to be healthy?

Why are you even trying that? And the thick burger thing is funny to me because I love the Carl's regular patty. I don't like the thick burger patty and it feels like kind of more like it's being pushed on you now and I don't like it. Like I would rather just do the Carl's regular patty. Sure. And now it's like you want the third, and I ran into this when I got my order, or the third pound thick burger or the half pound thick burger.

And I was like, I guess the third pound, but I don't really even want that patty. Sure. I don't know the answer to that question, a third or a half. Like I don't know which one I want. I want the better burger. Just give me the better burger. Yeah, for sure. Well, I feel I've gotten the half pound before and I feel like it's a little much.

I like a big burger, but I just, I feel like what happens with a half pound is the patty is dominating so much that burger. Like you're getting so much patty in those bites. And I'm not crazy about the patty. Like I feel like I like the, the fixings that you're getting on the Carl's junior burger. I like all the crap on top of it. The patty itself is like adequate, but I don't want that to be very forward in the bites that I'm taking. See, I feel like their regular grilled patty is really good.

It's like, it reminds me of Burger King or something, but the thick burger is just like, it's like dry. It almost reminds me of like a meatloaf or something. Like I'm like, you're giving me, you're giving me too much with the, with the thick burger. And I guess you can probably add, and they've just made weird choices like that. They have like a fresh baked bun like now for your burgers. And they've made weird choices like that. I'm like, I almost would rather just have the regular bun. I don't mind their fresh baked bun.

And it actually is where, while we're on this topic, let's get into what we, we ordered a little bit more specifically on our previous visit. So Ben, you had the all natural burger. What else did you have with that? So I ordered the all natural burger just to try it. Well, then just tried it. But what I really ordered, my meal was the, the, I guess the third pound jalapeño thick burger. Okay.

Which was great. That's my, that's my go-to typically. That is a very nice jalapeño cheese burger they do there. I really like, I mean, like they have some fresh jalapeños on it. They have some pepper jack cheese. It's got like a little bit of heat. Yeah. It's got a nice sauce in there too.

They're very, very good. Very good, like slightly spicy aioli sort of sauce. It's pretty good. I will say as a guy who has stomach problems, I love that jalapeño burger and my stomach will always hurt for like a day and a half afterwards. Yeah. Yeah. It can be rough.

I felt like this one was, was much more moderate with the jalapeños. Sometimes, sometimes they're like almost like frat boy aggressive with the amount that they put on. They're piled high. That's daring you to eat. Yeah. And it's sort of like, look, I don't need this from my best friend Carl Jr. I get this from life, my man.

So this one was nice. It was like, there was a really good amount. The thing, here's, I'll say this very quickly because it's not, it's not interesting enough to really delve into, but their lettuce always interests me because it feels real. And part of what feels real about it is that like, is the taste and it's, it's pretty good. But also it's just like, it's not even. Like your bread is always going to be tipped in one way or another. In a way that says to me, like in and out does this as well where you're like, oh yeah,

that is authentic. Like someone made my burger and I appreciate that. But then when I do try to eat it, it's sort of like, well, this is kind of hard to handle. Yeah. You've got to do some smushing on your own and then that kind of affects the quality of the burger. I find that that leads to the burger falling apart. Yeah.

Just like the moisture of the lettuce and then also just kind of the unevenness of it. It just leads to like, oh, well now I've got like this, I got to deal with this somehow. Sometimes I'll just take the lettuce off. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I think Carol sometimes just will give you just a tad too much lettuce. I appreciate it. I appreciate that it seems fresh.

And the same thing with the tomato. Sometimes the tomato can get a little too sloppy, but, but I usually do enjoy it. And they also, I'll give them credit. They advertise that too. Like they never say that their burger is easy to handle. Like sauce and shit is spilling out of the burger and the commercials. Yeah. So for that reason, they're being truthful.

Like it can be hard to eat and with a lot of lettuce, it can break apart. And I'm with you. Just pull a piece out of it. It's not working for you. Yeah. Eventually the lettuce is going to go probably. Yeah. It's just like some of that lettuce is not going to make it.

Do you mean just like on earth or like? Yeah. That's right. It's dripping all over our scantily clad models. So you got with the combo, you got some fries with that. So I didn't do the fries. Okay. Because I knew, I knew the fries and I like the fries and everything, but I wasn't sure

where I was going to be eating it. And so thinking I was possibly going to eat in the car, it didn't seem, also I was getting this second burger that I wanted to try. And then again, because I was coming here to talk about, I just went with, I would say in the past when I was, when I had very little time, but desperately needed to put something into my body before I went to do something, I would stop at Carl's Jr. and I would get their, their like dollar menu spicy chicken sandwich. Okay.

So I got one of those. Yeah. Just to be like, okay, let me see if I remember this correctly. By far in my opinion, the best spicy chicken sandwich. Really? Yeah. I will also say that, that one is quite the, that's a lettuce bomb too. You got a lot of lettuce in that, but it kind of works.

Yeah. It kind of cools down that spicy chicken patty. That's one of my little favorite side sandwiches to get over there. I've definitely gotten that same combo before, the jalapeno cheeseburger and then the spicy chicken dollar menu sandwich is like a chaser and that is, that is a pretty nice, nice little impromptu combo. Yeah. What do we think?

What we're talking fry, we mentioned fries, what do we think of Carl's fries? Because I enjoy them, but I wouldn't put them like at the top of my list as far as fast food fries go. I feel like they get the job done. I think that they're pretty good, well, and Carl's is funny too because they changed over to having like the fresh cut fries and they changed their fries and I get the criss-cut fries, which are like the waffle fries, which I like, but they're like so truly bad, like you pour them out and they'll put grease all over everything that's around it, like,

but they're tasty and they're kind of like spicy, you know, like they're like curly fries. They have that texture. I think I got the waffle fries, the criss-cut fries, I think they call them on my last visit and I've had them before and I like them, but they're standard fries. I feel like if I, this is, I'm speaking for me here, I'm not speaking for the Doughboys inner guests, but if I was going to go to Carl's Jr. and get a combo, I would pay to upgrade my fries from the standard natural cut fries, which are fine, but I think you're

going to have a better side with the criss-cut fries or the onion rings, which I think are both superior and worth the extra money. 100%. Yes, I can agree with that. You are speaking for your fellow host and your guest. Well, good. I'm glad that worked out. I also say that I looked it up.

The first drive-thru was a bank drive-thru and then the other one was this some weird guy named Red, Sheldon Red Chaney at Red's Giant Hamburger, so it wasn't Carl's or anything like that, but I'd wanted to clear that up for any of them. It's your phone is off. You're reading that off? No. Red Chaney, I'd say. It's just the most racist name I can pick up.

So my meal, I went with what I like to go with that, which is their promotional burger, so I had the most all-American burger, which is good because this is probably airing near the 4th of July. What's up, Ben? That's the one that has hot dogs on it, right? So it has hot dogs on it, which it kind of fits because Ben is a hot dog guy from Detroit. Just real quick, it's called the most American thick burger. Yes, oh, I'm sorry, the most American, not all in there, the most American thick burger.

I got it with the third-pound patty and it comes obviously in the half-pound if you want it too much for me, it gets a little dry. And then I got a medium Coke Zero, and you know what, when they put Coke Zero in a fountain, I thought it was kind of revolutionary for me because I love a good fountain drink and to have one that, I'm a Coke Zero fan. So no, anyone else? I'm okay with Coke Zero. Ben famously can't drink any diet sodas.

What is the duty? It just gives you an extreme headache, right? Yeah, I get a migraine and then I throw up. Oh, that's crazy. Same with beer. Oh, that's crazy. When did you discover this? Like, pretty young, and it runs in my family too, so I knew, like, it happened once and

my grandma immediately diagnosed it as it happens to her too, and then it's really no great skin off your back. Do you have what's called, they've heard it's phenylketonuria, is that what you have? I don't know. Okay. Because there is a disorder called phenylketonuria. I'm probably mispronouncing that. I'm sure I'm mispronouncing that.

But if you look on a can of diet sodas, it'll have a warning that will say, like, phenylketonuria acts, it contains phenylalanine. And I looked it up once because I was like, what is this disorder, assuming it was just something innocuous, or something that was just like, oh, you just got like a food allergy. There's some sort of disorder where people who respond to artificial sweeteners, it like gradually destroys their brain and like makes them like mentally, like basically kind of like it makes them like lowers their IQ over time. That's already happened to Ben.

That's like, that's an insane, insane disorder. I'm like, I have this too. I was actually, there was a TV movie made about me called Diet Coke for Algernon. Yeah, that maybe you should maybe check to see if you have that. And then, well, I mean, you stay away from it anyway. So it's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I also, I told you, I got some medium criss-cut fries, very greasy, but good, they're good.

They're like curly fries and I asked for extra ketchup. The lady didn't really give me enough ketchup. I wish I could have dined inside Carl's Jr. I've done it once in my life, but Carl's Jr. is kind of like very, the inside is so drab, like it just feels kind of like a, like a, almost like a lower rent Burger King inside, which I think the, I think the food is superior to Burger King, but it's just kind of like a bummer of a place inside. I grew up with Carl's Jr. growing up in Southern California and my family would go there and

we actually dined in with some frequency because it used to be a little nicer inside. I think over time they sort of realized, oh, all our business is in takeaway, so we won't worry about having the interior be too lush anymore. But there was a time when they had like a full salad bar in there and it was still order at the counter, but you know, they, they bring it out to your table. They still do that. They still bring it out to your table, which is a nice little bit of presentation if you're dining in, but definitely over time that the, the, the quality of the dining area has declined

as have all, they've all kind of come to the same level of, oh, well this is a functional space to eat if you have to eat for whatever reason you can't get this to go. Or if you're someone who just wants to hang out here all day. Yeah. Carl, cause Carl's is on the one I went to on Cahuangara, whatever, by the birthday boy sauce. It's the one I went to. It could just be a place that has no dining room at all and it would be, it would be fine.

Yeah. I would generally prefer that they didn't like that they just, I mean, well, it seems like, it seems like it's a good place to eat inside if you have children and you're going to take, you know, it's Saturday, mom's going to get a little time to herself. Ted takes the kids to a fast food restaurant and, you know, you, you kill an hour or whatever. So mom can sleep or vice versa. And that's great. But the thing about Carl's Jr. is that it's not super kid friendly.

No. It's, it's more of an adults fast food place. So when you go into these places and it's nothing but like retirees who are like reading newspapers or like people who are like waiting for their shift at like, you know, some whatever place nearby, uh, yeah, it feels a little bit depressing. Like in that way that it's, that it feels like, you know, it's, it's, that's the interesting thing about fast food is that like as everything gets more and more expensive, like the fast food places are like all in a race to make like a dollar hamburger that's the size of

your head. Yeah. Like these prices are going down. And then so when you're in that invites her, oh right, like this is like, poor people can only afford to eat this. And it felt a little sad to me as opposed to like, this is a great place for children to go, which McDonald's still maybe has that feel a little bit of that. Yeah.

There is sort of like a play place kind of feel to McDonald's that's lacking from like, hey, it's like Carl's Jr. like, wait out your dying days, you know, Well, that's why I think that those promo burgers are huge. And unfortunately that the most American burger was not good. And I usually love all of them. The bun, that fresh baked bun was kind of falling apart. Uh, I couldn't taste any ketchup or mustard on it. And the hot dog was so overpowering.

It like, I don't know if Carl's makes a good hot dog, but it was just all I could really taste with the hot dog on top of a birdie burger patty was, uh, was the hot dog. And then the rest of it kind of just tasted like relish. I think it was maybe relish pickles or something. But, but yeah, that in the hot dog were the most overpowering things. And, and, and it was sadly not a good Carl's experience for me, which I usually have great ones, but the, yeah, soggy bun. And it was just the burger I did not, that promo burger was not my favorite.

Yeah. Yeah. I went, uh, I went with Natalie, my wife, and we had a dining experiences you might do if you went to Carl's drive in barbecue back in the fifties. Two of us set up in a booth and waited for our meal to be delivered to us. And what we got was I ordered the one third pound El Diablo thick burger, which is another of their promotional burgers. It's similar to, in character to the jalapeno burger.

Uh, however, the difference is this one has jalapeno poppers on it. So it actually has breaded jalapeno poppers stuffed with cheese, like the appetizer on the burger itself. Um, Natalie tried the third pound, most American thick burger. My El Diablo, by the way, was also a third pounds. I didn't know that we got an order of onion rings, an order of waffle fries. And I treated myself to a vanilla shake. Um, I agree with you on the, and Natalie had the same opinion on the most

American thick burger of the hot dog and also to like, not a super well cooked hot dog, like it's not like, Oh, this is, this has been grilled. And this kind of has like a nice char to it, which is adding that character to it. Which was rubbery almost. Yeah. It's like a rubbery. And I feel like if you go to a place that has a, like a Polish sausage or a hot dog on a burger, which can be really good.

Sometimes you want it to have, to be well cooked and have a nice grill to it. Um, this was kind of missing that the thing I did like, I really appreciated in the bites I had of hers, uh, the crunch of the potato chips. Yes. Like they're just lays potato chips put on there. And I think that was actually a very nice element to have on a, on a fast food burger. That's funny you say that because I, I, I liked that.

I didn't think I was going to like the potato chips on it at all. And they didn't put too much on them. It was like kind of just a nice layer in the crunch work for me too. It was good. Uh, the LD obelisk burger, similar thing, the crunch of the jalapeno poppers. I found like really, really worked. I actually really enjoyed that burger as far as a promotional burger goes. I mean, it was just, I felt like it was just trash.

Like, I know like, Oh, this is so bad for me. This is, this is making, this is going to make me feel horrible. And it did, but it was so tasty. And, and I'm a huge jalapeno popper fan myself. When you can find them well done at a fast food restaurant, that's really nice cause a lot of fast food restaurants just don't execute as well as you might have to sit down, chain restaurant. Yeah.

I had that burger before too. And I felt the same way. It's very spicy. And it like doesn't blow you away with how spicy it is, but it is pretty, it's pretty spicy, the sauce. Yeah. And my bun was okay. I, both of our buns stayed intact.

So I'm, I'm sorry to hear you had a disappointing bun experience, but that was my first time having that new bun they've got this new sort of, uh, they, they, it's, uh, these purportedly fresh baked in house, maybe it is. Um, but it's, it's more of a, a rounder, buttery roll, I guess you'd say. Yeah. Um, maybe, maybe that was the, the dine in difference. Uh, onion rings, I think are very good there. As we mentioned, waffle fries we like, and the vanilla shake.

You know, I've had Carl's shakes a few times. I think they do a pretty good, they call it the hand scooped milkshake. I'm not sure if you guys have had it, uh, but I think it's pretty good. I think it's not a bad fast food shake. Yeah. I, I, I was, they, I think they do great shakes. And I think that they Carl's kind of does some fun stuff with ice cream. They had a ding dong ice cream sandwich that I didn't get, but I wish that I had

tried it, uh, they, they do some fun stuff like that. Yeah, they, they do a lot of different fit. Like you said, they do jalapeno poppers pretty well. I got the zucchini rounds too to try. And, uh, it came with a buttermilk ranch, which actually that was the biggest disappointment of it because it was, it tasted almost like tartar sauce to me. But, oh, interesting. I don't mind their ranch.

Yeah. I, I don't know why I didn't, it just, maybe I was sober for the first time. But the zucchini rounds were, were pretty, they were pretty tasty. They were greasy again. And like you said, I kind of knew it was garbage, but, but I enjoy, I was especially surprised that zucchini rounds would be good at, at a Carl's Jr. You know, so. Yeah.

That's a, you know, I'd say that's actually a good side to get as well. I remember having that as a kid. And that was a thing where my parents got zucchini rounds from Carl's Jr. And with like ranch, and this was before the big ranch trend where people started having, putting ranch on things other than salad. So like every part of it just seemed wrong to me as like an eight year old boy is like, what is this? Yeah.

And I had some is like, oh, these are pretty good. And it became kind of a, a nice little alt side. If I'm ever like, I don't feel like fries. Oh, I'll get a little something, something a little different. The, the Carl's Jr. zucchini rounds with that, with that buttermilk ranch sauce. I think it's pretty darn good. Um, what, you guys have eaten a lot of Carl's Jr. in your years as of I, what

is, what would you say is like kind of your go-to or your favorite Carl's Jr. meal? Uh, yeah, mine's going to be, um, you mentioned this early, you mentioned the jalapeno burger, but if, uh, there are times when I would talk her out on it and then I would go with the, uh, the, the thick burger, uh, the guacamole bacon one. Oh, that's a good one. I like that guacamole bacon burger.

Yeah, I like that quite a bit. The guacamole bacon burger is one of my favorites. The, and, and like Ben said, the, the jalapeno burger is great. I also love the Western burger is really good. Uh, and also they make good turkey burgers. They were in men's health for having like, uh, the, the turkey. And I know that we just shit on the, for being like the anti-biotic, the, like whatever the biotics free burger, but like the turkey burgers worked well.

And it was just kind of like an alternative. And it was like men's health say these are, are good for you. And I thought those were really tasty, actually. Yeah. I'm a fan of the turkey. They, they have fast food places. They don't, a lot of them don't, if they've tried turkey burgers, they haven't really worked with Carl's Jr.

They're not bad. They're, yeah, they're, they're, they're good. And, and the, but my biggest thing, the thing I like, they're the most. There's two things that I, that I really love. One is the big Carl, uh, which is their version of a big Mac. And it's two of their, like smaller patties, but they're so good stacked together. And it's pretty much a big Mac. I add onions and pickles to make it more like a big Mac.

And it makes me, I, and I enjoy that more than the actual big Mac itself. Like, uh, it's, it's, it's so, it's such a good sandwich. That must infuriate the McDonald's people when like somebody like, they ripped off McDonald's signature burger. And then there's another guy who says like, I like this one more. I, I, I truly, it's just, it's just a bigger, like the, I feel like a big Mac is tiny. This thing is like, this thing is big. It's a big burger and, and, and, and you're just, you're, you're getting

full when you eat that thing. And I know that like the big, there's a big king at Burger King and they, they all kind of, they all kind of, uh, and I, you know, I think it's the way of burger is now, I think that people, we talked about this a little bit on the podcast, people like like an aioli or something on their burger more than they like ketchup and mustard. I think we're, I think we're moving towards more towards a big Mac style burger than, than the regular ketchup and mustard and pickle sort of thing.

But the big Carl is, is, is usually in my go-to. And I love the little spicy chicken sandwich or the chicken strips are even good, but my favorite promo burger of all time was the Philly cheese steak burger. Uh, and I love, I know it sounds disgusting. I love, love, love that burger. It's like one of my favorite burgers. And my buddy, Micas was visiting from Quincy, uh, and he had it with me. And he, it was like one of his favorite things he had all week.

And he had every, he had in and out and fat burger and everything. And he loved the Carl's Jr. Philly cheese steak burger. It's, it's, it's good. It's really great. I've tried that one. Yeah. I never, I never got around to trying the Philly cheese. It comes back every, they bring it back every so often, but it's, it's really,

really good. I mean, like, is it like their McRib, like it's there, like a, like a specialty item that people look forward. It's a specialty one that they bring back. Like, I feel like every year or something like that, I look forward to it. I don't know how other people feel, but I'll try it next time it comes around. I remember, I certainly remember the marketing for it, but I don't remember actually, I never actually put one in my mouth.

It's insane. It's, it's a burger. And then they have a fifth, like chopped steak and fill, and that to me works way more than the hot dog does. Like, like a similar meat, you know, so like a, it just, it works really well. Yeah. I'm, I'm very much, as I mentioned earlier, I think my go-to is the double Western bacon cheeseburger.

And if you don't aren't familiar with the Western bacon cheeseburger, it's got onion rings on the burger, which is great as a nice crispness to it. It's got barbecue sauce. And then in addition to American cheese and the patty, um, and, and must, I believe, uh, uh, the standard lettuce and tomato. Um, that's, I love that one too. So it means that I love every burger on the menu. There's, I think that one doesn't have the lettuce and tomato.

I think that's one of the reasons I really like it. It's a great go burger. Like it's because I, because I think we all discussed that at some point we're taking some of the vegetables off of our burger. That one's nice because it just, it's like the cheese binds everything together within the bun. And then like you, you can kind of just shove it into your face. Yeah.

I think, I think, I think the onion rings replaced the lettuce on that one. Isn't it weird how memory works where like, I've probably had a hundred double Western bacon cheeseburgers over the course of my life. And then in saying this now, the course of the month, in saying this now, I just added, mentally added lettuce and tomato to it, which apparently doesn't exist. I'll look this up. Why did I think that it had it?

I guess, I don't know. I guess it's a false memory implanted in my brain somehow. This is me realizing I'm in some sort of total recall vacation. Maybe you have that disease where your brain melts or whatever. I'm a fetal ketoneurac. Check out my three titties. There's a, so some Carl's Jr. are co-branded with green burrito.

Have you guys had green burrito before? Yeah, a little bit. We talked about this on the podcast previously. We had a, we had a viewer or listener, a rather email about green burrito. And this is a, this is an interesting fact I learned. Interesting. At least in Carl's Jr. they're co-branded with green burrito, whereas Hardee's, they're

co-branded with red burrito. What feels like an arbitrary change. So one is like salsa verde and the other one's like a spicier sauce. I'd imagine they have the same menu at both, but that, that, that is strange. They decided to call it different things. Yeah, I like it. Um, I, I'm okay with green burrito. If you're at a Carl, if you're that, that's your only option for Mexican food.

I think I, I'm okay with getting like a bean and cheese burrito from there. But if I'm at a Carl's Jr. slash green burrito, I think I'm sticking with a Carl's Jr. menu. For sure. I, I only had green, it was actually the night after that taping of that thing. Uh, uh, my parents and I all went to Carl's Jr. because we talked about it so much and there was nothing open for food. And we ate Carl's Jr.

It was such a nice experience, but we got some stuff from green burrito. And, uh, it was bad. It was like the only, like I was like, Oh, it's not even Taco Bell level. It's just kind of shitty. Uh, and it kind of, it kind of, uh, bummed us out the overall great experience with Carl's, but then the, it just, I don't even understand why it, why it's even there, you know? Yeah, I don't, I don't get it either.

And they have this thing. It's called like the crisp burrito, which like, I'm pretty sure that's just a chimichanga and chimichanga is like a great word. So if you're not using chimichanga, there must be some like legal reason. And if you have to call it like so that things like that, I like sticking my, my, my, my grill a little bit where it's sort of like, uh, it's, it's the K, it's the KFC Kentucky fried chicken thing where it's like, there was all, there were the rumors for a while that they had to stop calling it chicken

because it wasn't chicken turned out to be a bit legend. Yeah, it was a lie. But then then now it's sort of like, well, what, what are these? What are, what are, like, what are these fake chimichangas that we're not allowed to talk about? There's like a chimichanga board, like the, the French federation that ensures that only like sparkling wines produced in the champagne region can be called champagne.

You could call it like California sparkling wines. Same thing with chimichangas. Yeah, I don't know. Um, yeah, why did I, I feel like people just must have been like, can we get like a burrito like for so long? And they're like, let's just add green burrito in here. And like, if people want a burrito, they can have one. They can cover everything.

It's, it's, it makes no sense why they have it otherwise. I think I've gotten to keto's from green burrito and a Carl's Jr. before and that ended up being a nice accompaniment. Like I was like, oh, I got a burger and then I got some to keto's and Louis fries. I'm again, this could be a false memory. And my world could be coming down right now during this podcast. But I think I remember doing that at some point.

I'm kind of like nervous about your mental mental state. Well, we'll see. Pulling out a gun right now. All right. Well, I think that we've, we've given our thoughts in some depth on Carl's Jr. Slash hardies. I know I got a little too into it. I feel like.

Let's, uh, let's go around the room and let's sort of give our closing argument or summation of our thoughts on Carl's Jr. And then go ahead and give your verdict on a scale of one to five forks. Ben, we'll start with you. Okay. Uh, well, I guess, okay. In summation, I'll say that as far as fast food goes, I think it's top tier. As far as the fast food hamburger goes, it's as good as it gets.

Um, I like that they, they're not afraid to try new things. I think they don't, I think a lot of their new things don't necessarily hit. But I, but I like that they swing for the fences. Yeah. And they, they come in so they, they're in and out so fast that sometimes it doesn't even matter if they don't hit, you know, right? Yeah. And that's, that's a good thing.

And, and I think it's, uh, I think they definitely, uh, they definitely draw attention to themselves in ways that, uh, that at least make you explore how you feel about Carl's Jr. But I will say that a lot of it makes me wish I didn't like Carl's Jr. As much, so I'm going to give it, I'm going to deduct one point for, I like it more than I wish I did and give it for, uh, for forks, for forks. Fair enough. Go ahead, Mitch.

Well, I love Carl's Jr. And a lot of it is there's some personal attachment to it. It was right down the street from the birthday boys. I remember a lot of good times and parties and then going down there and grabbing burgers and stuff like that. Uh, and it was, it's a good time. It was, it was, it brings back weird, fun memories, which is pathetic in a lot of boys, but it's, but it's really, it's really true.

And I remember, uh, Carl's is always there for you, you know, uh, uh, I remember I got, I was at the birthday boys and I slept at their house and I was really hungover and it was Thanksgiving morning and I went down to Carl's and got myself a meal on Thanksgiving morning before I had, uh, before we actually had turkey dinner later. Uh, and, and it's, I just, it, as far as I agree with Ben, as far as fast food chains go, it's top tier. It's one of my favorites out here.

There's problems with the place for sure. Like, uh, a lot of it's too greasy. It's really bad and garbaging for you and those commercials need to be stopped. Uh, so this whole time I was battling myself saying, well, I give this four and a half stars or five stars. Uh, I'm going to go with five stars. I love Carl's Jr. It's for Smitch.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Our whole podcast is based on forks. You're probably saying stars because the Carl's Jr. star. Yeah. I'm going to give it, you know what, this time I'm going to give it five Carl's Jr.

stars. That's my official ranking of it. And so I was going to have either four and a half forks or five forks, five forks is the, is the answer. I'm going to say stick with five stars, five stars out of five forks. All right, great, great. Um, I do have a lot wrapped up in Carl's Jr. I've eaten there as a kid and, uh, continued to eat there as an adult.

It, I think I agree with Ben's point that I think it is a top tier fast food place. If we're talking about fast food, the commercials really discussed me and I really don't like them and they're the kind of thing that if you're like watching a basketball game and there's some women there watching it with you, it's, and that commercial comes on. Now you've got, you've got something everyone's a little uncomfortable because it's just like, this is such a weird thing to be. This sort of, you're just showing a little, uh, little 30 seconds of

soft core pornography in the middle of my ball game. Like I just don't want to see this. And I also kind of don't like what you're saying, which is you're just trying to market to sad men. Um, and he's also said some shitty things about that too. I think, yeah, I think the CEO of Carl's Jr. is not a, not a savory character. He seems like kind of a piece of shit.

And so you're, you're supporting that. Then again, all these titans of industry are kind of terrible people and you're kind of inadvertently supporting them by purchasing their products. So you have to be something of a megalomaniac to try to want to be a CEO of a fortune 500 company. So that's just the reality we live in the capital estate. Anyway, what I'm going to say about Carl's Jr. is good quality burgers, good quality sides, including the fries, but I

adopt for onion rings or waffle fries or the fried zucchini. Like I said, a good shakes, solid fountain drinks, a good dine-in or to go experience by fast food restaurant standards. I'm going to give Carl's Jr. Four forks. Wow. That's nice. I think that this is maybe the first restaurant that will receive the

golden plate. Wait, what's the dude? What's the golden plate? Four forks are above from everybody. Oh, it's just an award we just invented. Yeah, right now. All right, great. You know what?

I'm fine with that. We'll say that the golden plate is for any restaurant that has had four forks or over as an average from us and our guest or guests if we ever have more than one guest. And in fact, I'm going to say this, we're going to have to retcon our previous episodes and say some of those, I'm pretty sure there's one of those or more that has received a golden plate. For sure.

We will retroactively, yeah, we will retroactively award the golden plate. Well, here's the thing. I will say this about the golden plate. I think this is what it has to be. An average of four forks, an average of four forks and no less than four forks from any individual. I agree. Because if something gets two forks from one person and then five forks from

two other people, mathematically, I don't want to figure out the math, whether that's four forks or more, but that doesn't feel like something that deserves a golden plate to me. I agree. I feel like it has to be a standard for excellence. We'll figure it out off the air right now. I guess there's also then if anything ever gets the elusive five forks all around, then that would be platinum plate.

All right, great, platinum plate. So chain restaurants, fast food restaurants out there, you have a goal to achieve if you want, step up, step your game up and get the platinum plate on the Doe Boys podcast. I was going to say, is Carl's responsible for Paris Hilton kind of taking off too? Because I think they sort of, I think they wrote those coattails a little bit. I think she had the, yeah, that was when that's the, what was that show?

A Simple Life was on the air. She was kind of becoming a sensation. All right, that'll do it for a discussion of Carl's Jr. slash Hardee's this week's restaurant. It's time for another segment. This is another edition of something we did previously called flavor of the week. This is how this works. We've got four different flavors of the same food item, and we're going to go

ahead and rate them and determine which one reigns supreme. And this week we've got four different flavors of golden Oreo. And golden Oreo are the ones with the vanilla wafer as opposed to the chocolate wafer on the standard Oreo. So Mitch, you want to go ahead and, and walk us through which Oreo, which golden Oreo flavors we have. I'll hand these off to you. You can leave off one at a time.

We have the standard golden Oreo. Then we have the golden double stuff Oreo. Then we have the birthday cake golden Oreo and the lemon golden Oreo, which has a lemon cream filling in the birthday cake. One has a birthday cake cream filling. It looks like. Okay, great. So I'm going to go ahead and open these up and we can go ahead and dig into these.

Ben, if you don't mind maybe clear, clear your space off. I'm going to scoot this makeshift table we got here. This is maybe the most excited I've been in the Doe Boys podcast. These are, uh, I've had the golden Oreo before I bought them when I worked at the Simpsons as a PA and, uh, was, uh, hailed as a king around the Simpsons offices. Yes. Uh, this is the most aroused I've been during the Doe Boys podcast. It's only been an hour, Ben.

I'm, I'm like a, I'm like a grandfather clock. I start ticking on the hour. Okay. So I, I've pulled, I've pulled back the, uh, the opening here so we can dig into these and guys, feel free to start, uh, going into these as, as you please to talk us through what you're eating, talk us through what you're tasting. All right. Here we go.

I'm going to start in the corner over here with the standard golden Oreo. Okay. I have a, uh, a golden double stuff here, uh, which I will bite away from the microphone, but do know that I am biting into this Oreo. All right. Here goes the regular golden. Okay. You guys, you guys have had golden Oreos before.

Yes. Yeah. I, yeah. I might, boy, this is, I'm, this might get me in trouble. I might prefer these two regular Oreos. Nick, don't feel crazy. I feel the same way. And that's a secret I've been living with for a while.

I, I, I agree with you. They're really good. This is officially the least aroused. I've been this entire product. No, you know, I, um, there's something, uh, there's something really first bite. Amazing about these golden Oreos. Like I'm not sure that I would want to eat as many of them as, I mean, I never want to eat as many Oreos as I eat, but I feel like maybe I could pound a, like a,

a lot more regular Oreos than this, but I'm just like the first bite. I gotta say I might agree, uh, golden Oreo better. Wasn't, wasn't there a, isn't Oreo ripping this off from somewhere? Wasn't there like a, I'm sure there's, there's something. And like now I won't remember what it is, but there, there is a snack that has like vanilla cream, like yeah. Vanilla cream. I think that's what they're called.

Nilla creams or something. Okay. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. I like to making that up. I just finished a golden double stuff Oreo. Very good.

More cream as you might gleam. So I've had the regular, um, not the double stuff, but the regular. Great. I'm eating the, the lemon. I don't like it at all. Okay. I'm going to dig in a lemon. Nick, you've had a golden double stuff and a regular golden.

Yes. Did you? No, I'm trying to love them. We'll, we'll, we'll talk about our breakdown in a bit. Okay. So should we talk about Jurassic World or something? I'm going to see it tonight. So I'm going to see it tonight.

Mm-hmm. Well, Mitch, you've officially time stamped the podcast recording. Oh man, I should have saw it a few weeks ago when it first came out. We record some of these in advance, guys. There's a little peek behind the curtain. I think if you're listening to the podcast, you've already heard us referencing first round NBA playoff games while the conference finals were in order. That's just how these, this, this is working.

And then Nick kind of goes on a tirade like right now. You know, I honestly don't mind it. All right, I'm finishing the lemon one now. Ooh, I love my throat. I'm almost, I'm almost done with all of them. I'm, I've had a golden double stuff and a regular golden. I'm about to go in for this birthday cake and I got to say, listening audience, I'm not psyched about this lemon.

I'm going to do it because, you know. No one is really at, I will say that this is the most we've ever tasted, taste tested on Doughboys. I feel like we're, it's five minutes of chewing. So, you know, it is like eating four cookies in real time. It takes a little bit of time. A little bit of time. Yeah.

All right, I'm officially done. I'm finishing my final cookie and birthday cake. I'm going to take a lactate pill right now. If you hear a gulping sound, that's what it is. Don't be afraid. Ben is dying over there. All right. I don't know if there's dairy in these.

I don't know. Probably not, right? I think these actually might be vegan. I've heard that before about Oreos. I think they probably are in that, like in that new vegan way, where like we, if something, you know, like meaning it's all fake. Yeah, yeah. Oh, so it's healthy.

All right, great. I'm going to, I'm going to seal these back up so we can see which ones we were tasting. Oh, I got them on the top of my head, baby. We weren't supposed to know. No, no, no. Sorry, to be clear, this is just so visually describing for our listening audience. When you open up the Oreo, you pull up the liftable portion

on the top of the box. You can't see which type of Oreo it was. So I nearly sealed them up so that we could see for visual reference which ones we were looking at, but this was not meant to be a blind taste test. Right now, so we see the ones in front of us that we've all tasted. Yep. Let's go ahead and rank them and we'll start with your fourth place pick. And the way we'll do this is that when I say so,

go ahead and point to the one you liked the least. All right. Here we go. Fourth place and go. Wow. It's unanimous. All three of us pointed immediately at the lemon Oreo. So the lemon golden Oreo is the big loser here.

I mean, for me, it was fine, but it was not the thing where I don't think I'd eat more than a couple of them, unless it was my only cookie option. Yeah, I, yeah. I didn't even really, it seems like something your grandma would have. It is, yeah. It kind of has that, I mean, maybe that's who it's being marketed towards. Maybe it's sort of a grandma treat. But I think grandma might also think that you would like them.

They're like, I'll get the lemon one or something. And you're like, grandma, I don't like these. Yeah, right. Grandma's have all been dead for years. It's like when you, there's the old lady on the block that you're trick-or-treating, you hands out like a handful of Werther's originals. So you're like, oh. Yeah, they, they, they, I just feel like they, that one failed compared to the others.

Yeah. Let's, let's move on to the next one. Totally good. Okay. Third place. Go ahead and pick your third place now. Okay. Which one?

Which one did you point at, Mitch? I can't tell. I pointed to the birthday cake Oreo. Okay. So Mitch has pointed to the birthday cake. Ben and I agree on the regular golden Oreo as the third place. Ben, what's your thinking? Well, at this point it comes down to it's completely different than the birthday cake.

And it's half the cream of the double stuff. And I just decided I liked twice as much cream better than half as much cream. Yeah, it's a simple answer. Logically sound. Yeah, I wish I could give you more. No, that's perfect. Mitch, the birthday cake you had in third place. Too sweet for me.

Just a, just very, very sweet. Interesting. I like them. They're very good. Just a, I kind of like the vanilla frosting more. Okay, great. So second place is up. Here we go.

And point. So Mitch, you were, again, it looks like you're pointing the same place each time. Ben and I are both getting up from our chairs to point at an Oreo. You are comfortably from your position like raising your elbow and pointing vaguely in the direction of all four Oreos. That's right. Which one did you pick? Yes, I picked the regular sized golden Oreo, the, not the double stuff, but the regular golden

Oreos. So we were in disagreement here. We were all disagreed. I pointed at the birthday cake Oreos and Ben pointed at the double stuff. Yes. Interesting. Okay. Well, we know what our winners are, but let's go ahead and do that now for first place.

Yeah. Nick and I are the same on that one. Nick and I both agree that the double stuff golden, double stuffed golden Oreos are the best. The best. I mean, I agree with Ben's logic. Ben didn't have them in first place, but definitely I prefer these to the golden Oreos. More cream is better in this case. There's also a mega stuff, which I didn't bring and perhaps in the interest of science,

I should have. Damn right. I would guess the mega stuff might be too much cream. The double stuff feels like the right amount of cream. Yes. And I'll say, I'll say that while I chose birthday cake as my number one, I would say that golden double stuff of these four choices would be the one that I could eat the most of. Yes.

It just, if I'm, if I'm only given one cookie, I think, I think birthday cake does a really nice job of being uniquely Oreo and yet still within the Oreo family. Sure. I was pretty impressed by it. Shout out to Oreo. I'm a skeptic of birthday, the birthday cake flavor trend in general, but this is a really nice execution of it. It kind of tastes like a cookie version of a slice of yellow cake.

It really does. It's just like, it's very satisfying. I really like that birthday cake Oreo. That's funny because I don't love like picking off frosting on a cake. And it gives just that too sweet flavor of a spoon of frosting or something. Well, I feel like it's balanced with a vanilla wafer for me. That takes the cake portion. I agree.

Yep. Okay. But the, the double stuff I feel like is, is very good. The birthday cake we also like, Mitch doesn't like as much. That said, golden stuff Oreos in general, I think are good stuff. Yeah. They're great. Yeah.

And yeah, like, like you said, like it does balance it out. Just still a little too sweet for me. That's all. Sure. Great. All right. Well, that'll do it for flavor of the week. Like a restaurant, we value your feedback.

Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Joe Larini. Joe writes, just wanted to say that Arby's ruined the chicken bacon Swiss. It was my favorite sandwich there, but they've changed the bun. They've changed the cheese and I'm pretty sure they've changed the sauce. Their honey mustard was perfection. They also added lettuce and tomato, which you can easily order it without that, but they still altered everything I loved about the sandwich.

Have you guys, your guests ever felt betrayed by a fast food chain? Joe, thanks for the email, Joe. What do you think, Ben? Have you ever felt a sense of betrayal, perhaps over this particular sandwich? I've never had the one that Joe was betrayed by. So I can't speak to that. I'm trying to think. I feel like, I can't say for certain, I do know that there are things that I enjoyed

quite a bit more when I was young, came back to them later in life and don't like as much anymore. But I'm open to the possibility that I've changed the sandwich hasn't. But I remember that I was like really, really stoked for McRib for many years of my life when it would come back and then probably took a healthy period off from trying it, came back within the last few years and am disgusted by it. So I don't know and I'm very few things food-wise disgust me. But yeah, I don't want to even be near someone else eating it at this point. So maybe that one's my answer, but maybe I just changed, you know?

Hey, it could be. It could be some personal growth involved. That's a good answer. I feel like, especially now in the fast food landscape, things change so quickly that I'm sure that this has happened to me. Like, I remember they took away the cheesy gordita crunch for a while from Taco Bell and I was really sad that it was gone and I don't really eat KFC anymore, but there was a thing I liked at KFC way back in the day that that went away.

But it just as time goes on, then they'll introduce new things. So it kind of gets washed away. It's that Carl's Jr. method of, I want that fillet-cheese steak burger. Hopefully it comes back into the rotation, but you got some new weird other burger this month. So no, nothing, I know exactly where you're coming from, but there's nothing that really jumps out to me right now where I'm like, hey, they took that away. But you know what?

The one thing I can really think of is Doritos jumping jack cheese flavored Doritos. Oh, yeah. But this is like when I was a child and then I've never had them again in like 20 years or whatever. I'm not jumping jack, I'm not remembering, but I do remember a Monterey jack they had that I remember really liking and then it just went away. There was something that was like a jumping jack flash or something. Maybe it was jumping Monterey jack. Maybe they were the same flavor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I really enjoy those and they were gone. I will say that there seems to be like if Taco Bell took away like the Doritos Locos Taco or something, in the past I felt like you get so much more of like, hey, they took away kind of that thing that I loved. And now with feedback through Twitter and everything, I think if they take something away that people really like, they'll bring it back. They just brought back a clearly Canadian or whatever in like the New York

Seltzer or whatever. And so I feel like if you complain, start tweeting at Arby's because I feel like your voice can be heard in this day and age and you can maybe win that sandwich back. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear about this, Joe. I mean, that sounds really disappointing and I apologize. Betrayed is a strong word, but the thing that did leap to mind is when I was a kid, there was, this is I'm pretty confident is not a false memory. There was a side they had at Jack in the Box for a time which remains my favorite fast food side

and it was their toasted raviolis and they had it for probably less than a year. But it was, I guess this is apparently a regional St. Louis thing where they were cheese filled raviolis that were breaded and deep fried and they came with a side of a marinara dip and sauce. And boy, those suckers were tasty. I got them every chance I could as a kid. And then they disappeared from the menu and they just have never reappeared. And that's what happens sometimes with fast food restaurants like Mitch was saying,

with chain restaurants like Mitch was saying, it's kind of like a canceled TV show. Sometimes you become a fan of Joan of Arcadia and then Joan of Arcadia goes away and maybe there isn't the fan campaign that's going to get it back on the air. Maybe there aren't people mailing the CBS network with little miniature arcs to try and convince them that they should launch the show again. You're just stuck without it. I don't know what to say except try to find something else, move on and let it live forever in your memory.

No, what I say, I say we bring back Joan of Arcadia. Everybody out there tweet, tweet at them. Let's get that show back on the air. And we're going to try to get your, we should try to get your sandwich back to you. That would be great. When your go to item is gone, that sucks. It's a bummer. If you're out there and you have a question or comment about the world chain restaurants,

you can email us at dowboyspodcast at gmail.com. Also, go ahead and follow us on Twitter for updates at dowboyspod. No cast on that one. Ben Axelrad, thank you so much for being here. What a lovely discussion. Do you have anything you'd like to plug? I mean, I guess I'll do what you're supposed to do in these situations and say you can follow me on Twitter at Ben Axelrad or don't.

I don't care. I don't really have a tweet. But if you're either Carl's Jr., which I assume is at Carl's Jr. or at Oreo, and you wanted to send free stuff to a guy who was on a podcast talking about you, that would be where you found me at Ben Axelrad on Twitter. I was thinking about that too. And I was like, hey, we're really nice to Carl's Jr. And I was like, oh yeah, we called his owner a piece of shit.

So you know what? I love that guy. He's great. Those commercials are great. Send me one of those Carl's Black cards and end of my life. It's called the Black Carl, actually. But we don't want to contaminate our podcast with anything that feels like it is a conflict of interest.

We want to stay independent from any Kaola, from the chain restaurant or for fast food industry. That man I don't know is a piece of shit. All right, there we go. That'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, happy eating. See ya. As always, Doe Boys is produced by Dustin Marshall and brought to you by FeralAudio.com.

Home of weird adults with little Esther. Don't ever change with John Roy and more. Our theme song is by Michael Cassidy and our cover art is by Chris Van Arstalen. You can donate it at our show page at FeralAudio.com. Thanks so much for listening, everyone.