Doughboys - Cinnabon with Nicole Byer

Episode Date: December 21, 2017

The hilarious Nicole Byer (Loosely Exactly Nicole, Why Won’t You Date Me?) returns to antagonize Mitch, analyze holiday eats, and review mall kiosk sweet treat staple Cinnabon. Nicole, Mitch, and Wiger taste test Doritos Nuts in another Snack or Wack.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's the largest Muslim-majority nation in the world? Many Westerners' minds will wander to the Middle East, but the answer is located in Southeast Asia. The archipelagic array of 17,000 islands collectively known as Indonesia. With a population of over 260 million, Indonesia is the fourth most populous country in the world, period, liking just India, China, and the United States. In the 13th century, the spread of Islam to the island chain forever altered the course of its history, as did a later arrival in the 16th century, colonialism.

As Indonesia's tropical climate enabled it to produce a wide array of valuable spices local to the region, such as nutmeg, mace, and cloves, European traders were eager to exploit its natural resources. In 1601, the Dutch government authorized a charter for the Dutch East India Company, specifically to harvest spices from Indonesia's Maluku Islands. A grim harbinger of today's multinational corporations, the Dutch East India Company operated as a lawless, stateless entity that ruthlessly exploited labor and the environment to maximize profits during its nearly two centuries of operation.

After the company's nationalization and dissolution, Indonesia remained a colony of the Dutch Empire until shortly after World War II, when independence leader Sukarno led a movement that finally won its people's sovereignty, though a brutal genocide would follow in subsequent decades. In the modern era, the legacy of colonialism, so much of which, fundamentally, was anchored in European demand for more flavorful food, has made Western cuisine reliant on Indonesia's a unique array of native spices. In 1985, in Seattle, Washington, a father and son business team, Rich and Greg Coleman, recruited a renowned area baker named Geraldine Brousseau, who had been affectionately nicknamed

Cinnamom, to help craft the signature product behind their business plan, a coiled, spiced roll popular as a particularly indulgent American breakfast pastry. Under the exacting standards of the Coleman men, Brousseau toiled endlessly to perfect her recipe, and for its final iteration, she reached to the Indonesian Isle of Sumatra, her prized ingredient, known as Karinch Cinnamon. This particular varietal of the spice is so essential to the recipe, the company trademarked it as the Makara brand. The Coleman-Cinnamom collaboration caught fire, and, like a less nefarious Dutch East India

company, proceeded to colonize mall food courts, airports, and amusement parks, to date to the order of 1200 locations across the globe. This week on the final dough boys of 2017, Cinnabon. Welcome to Dough Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants for production of Feral Audio.com. I'm Nick Weiger. Alongside my co-host, Bost Mass, Bost Nass, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Mitch, how are you?

Bost Mass. Hey, you know where I'm from? Bost Mass. Mm-hmm. Fuck this guy. That was courtesy of Sam G, sending in the final roast of 2017. Hey, if you have any insults you'd like me to use on Mitch at the top of the show, roastspoonmanatgmail.com is the address.

Sam G, what's the G stand for? I assume it's like Ali G. It's just like an initial. I was just, I couldn't think of anything. Goat. Goat. Sam Goat. No, because goat means the greatest. Greatest of all time.

Fuck. But a goat can be, there was a point where a goat was a pejorative, that was an insult. Like you were the goat if you fuck something up. Like the guy who missed the game-winning kick, that guy's a goat? Oh yeah, you'd be remembered as a goat. Yeah, he's an old-school goat. He's an old-school goat. Worst nickname giver, you fuck.

Hey, Nick, a very merry and happy... Howdy-how. ...despunation. And also here's a little drop, and yes, it might take me a second because it will, and it's coming, and here it is. Like, I don't like to lay out on the sand, right, because I don't like to get some burns and my sand is, you know, sand is... I don't like sand.

Look, sand is too great. It's coarse, rough, and irritated, and it gets everywhere. You're like Anakin, you don't like sand. I am like Anakin, I don't, I do not like sand. Who said that you would destroy this? Burger Brigade? Don't join them! Despunation.

I'm not leaving a darkness! Here's a question. Do you notice lay eggs? I do! Well... What was that? Very, very Star Wars heavy for the top of the show. I knew our guest is not going to get any of those references.

Oh, no, it's playing more stuff again. It always plays more. Is there more? Or was that it? It's playing the Dolympics theme. But is that not part of the drop? No, it's not. You just have that saved on your phone for some reason.

I went to the Dolympics scene next. That was from Robert Persinger from Seattle. He always gives us good ones. Hoping your cats are well, I made a Star Wars drop for you. It would be perfect to play if you recorded another special episode like you did for Rogue One last year. Oh. Well, we are, actually, but it will be part of...

You fucked up! It will be, it's not this episode, but part of Doe Boys Double will be some Star Wars content coming. He said we should have Drew McQueenie back to discuss. We should have Drew. I love Drew. Drew's a great dude. Today is the day that The Last Jedi comes out.

Right. So that's why I played it. The day we're recording this? The day we're recording this. It comes out tonight. So the... The... Wow, you're right.

Yeah. I thought it was Wednesday for some reason, but we're recording on a Thursday. Yes, it's a Thursday matter. I got disoriented. I thought we were on a Wednesday. I'm the one who's disoriented right now. I know, you got more going on.

Yeah, no shit. You do nothing? You don't do nothing? I'm not a do nothing. I'm not a do nothing. That's not a fair accusation. This is... We're on Star Wars Eve.

By the time this episode comes out, we'll have seen The Last Jedi. We'll have digested it. We'll have our opinions of it. And then we'll be digesting it. What number movie is this? This will be episode eight, canonically. I mean, this is like the ninth movie, I guess, right? Because Rogue One counts.

I was just happy that Nicole didn't pause for my weird eating up of Star Wars. I'm used to you doing weird shit. I really liked it. But Rogue One is a Star Wars story is what I just learned. Yes. So that's not part of the Star Wars? Yeah, it's like a... It's like a Gaiden, if you will.

A little side movie. Give it to her straight, nerddo. Tell her what number of Star Wars we're at. Where it number... Actually, the number of films that have been filmed. We're at episode eight. But... We're at episode eight.

This is episode eight. Okay, Rogue One takes place between episodes three and four. It's not part of the main trilogy of trilogies now. Is it not part of the main? Because there's a black man in it? Because I know a bunch of people are real mad about a black guy being in it. I think that's Force Awakens, which is episode seven. Can I tell you my hold up?

I actually don't like his performance. Whoa! It hurts me to say it. It's going hard at John Boyega. I like John Boyega a lot. Do you? I do. Do you hate black people?

No. And this is where I find out... No. Mitch? Nicole? I don't know. You've never said it before. I love black people, right?

What a... Hey, what a way to start this episode off. The final dubois of 2017. By the way, I haven't formally introduced our guest yet. Okay, fine. Formally introduced her. From Loosely Exactly Nicole, her new podcast, Why Won't You Date Me, is on head gum.

The very funny Nicole Byers here is back. Our good friend. And I am a guest on there. And I do like black people in the episode even. I don't think you say that in the episode. Mitch, I've never once heard you pray as a black. Oh, that's not true. I love...

He used to love Isaiah Thomas when he was a Celtic. It's a big Paul Pierce fan. Paul Pierce, your favorite player? Yeah. He might be your favorite Celtic. Mm-hmm. And that's a black man? Yeah, it's a black man.

My favorite Celtic. I believe you... Hey, you like Dave Matthews band? I like Dave Matthews band. That's an integrated group. There's a black man in there, right? Boyd Tinsley, Leroy Moore. These are all black people I've never heard of.

No, it sounds like you don't like black people. Maybe I don't. Oh, boy. No, I love black people. I think everyone at this table loves black people. It's true. Better than fucking white people. Yeah.

Oh, they're going to say better than white girls. Oh, better than white girls, too. My issue with John Boyagan is that... And it's not his fault, really. Yeah, he was just born that way. Oh, my God. Nicole. Oh, yeah.

You too? You too? Me too, what? Me too, what? You came after me for this, too. He does this all the time with me. I've toned it down a little bit. I felt it.

I started to feel bad because there's such an actual white supremacist move in the country. I didn't want to conflate you with that. Oh, thanks. So I toned it down a little bit once our political climate shifted so drastically. I'll stand down. I still do it sometimes. No, it's fine. Tell me why you don't like this black man.

It's not his fault, directorial choices. So is JJ's fault. He's a stormtrooper, performer stormtrooper. We've talked about this, Nick. He should act like he should be affected like a stormtrooper is. But I don't think that's less in the performance. I think he's giving the performance that was written. I think it's the characterization.

It's his character, yes. It should maybe be a little bit more of an automaton, a little bit more of a guy who's been indoctrinated since birth to be a soldier. Analog, I said to you in another context, Mitch is like kind of like a North Korean soldier is kind of I feel like how you think of a guy who was who grew up in the as part of the first order and was only given a number, not a name. Like you would think they'd have a little bit less affectation. But I still I think is I think Finn is fun.

A stormtrooper. Flyer is the people in all white robots. And who do they troop for? They are. They troop for the. You don't say like. Well, then who do they troop for? What do they do?

Well, if you saw if you saw a soldier, would you say who does he who does he troop for? No, I'd be like, who does he fight for? I don't think I don't know their soldiers. There's stormtroopers. I've never seen Star Wars. You've never seen one of them? No. Why the fuck we should watch the Star Wars?

Yeah, she's mentioned this on the show before. Never seen a Star Wars. It's crazy, right? But we never did anything about this. No. I've never seen it. Why would we seize a good idea and run with it? Why would we say, hey, that would be a compelling piece of content.

We should make that. I know you. I wonder if you would. I wonder if it would bore you. Well, I got confused because I started watching one with Hayden Christensen, right? Who's wild and he's bad. And I don't feel bad saying that. I hope he hears it because he needs to know that he was very bad.

Wow. And then it was just, it was weird that green dude was just like wearing a hoodie, just chilling. And I was like, what has happened? It was very strange. Yoda. She's like Yoda. He's like straight up wearing a hoodie. And like nobody seemed like they were doing anything.

That green dude was wearing a hoodie. And then his mom dies and he like scoops her up and like drapes a fucking shit over. And no one's sad about it. So like the only Star Wars you've ever seen is like episode two. I've only seen the scene I'm describing to you. So it sounds like you've seen like the middle 40 minutes of Attack of the Clones. That's maybe the most. That's the most random.

Yeah. So random and disorienting. I would be so, it's like one of the most confusing parts of maybe the worst movie in the whole series. I spent a lot of time being like, what the fuck is happening? Right. Attack of the Clones is the worst one, maybe. I don't know. I think I'd probably rather we watch that than Phantom Ennis.

Force Awakens is the answer. Well, he's also got this like rat tail. Why? Well, he's a pet-a-wan. What's a pet-a-wan? That's an apprentice Jedi. When you're learning to be a Jedi, you get a little rat tail. And a Jedi, they troop for somebody else?

Yeah. The Jedi's troop for the, I mean, they have no real affiliation, no formal affiliation, I guess, but they end up a sighting with the Virtuous Rebel Alliance and later the Resistance. Ah. Okay. Yeah. The political. Do you like it now?

I'm still confused. And then the man with the rat tail, he becomes Darth Vader. Yes. Anakin does. Yes. But Obi-Wan, his mentor, was originally a pet-a-wan as well. And that's Ewan McGregor? That's Ewan McGregor.

Later, the, oh, why can't I remember the great actor's name at this point? The guy who plays Ben Kenobi in the original trilogy. Mitch, help me out, Mitch. And I've now forgotten it, too. Mitch? I forgot. Why? How could we forget this?

He's not black. That would be a bold change if they had, he was black in the original trilogy and then when they made the prequels, they changed him to Ewan McGregor. Very funny. My dad had a lot of black colleagues at his job. This is a true story. Sir Alec Guinness. Alec Guinness, yes.

Alec Guinness, of course. Oh, I would never have gotten that. I don't know who that man is. And when my dad was sick with cancer, his colleagues took him to, like, I guess it would be Lutheran church, right? Like a, like a. Like a black church? Like a Baptist church?

Like a gospel. Baptist. A Baptist church. Thank you. And it was like one of the most, he said it was like one of, like, cause he wasn't, I shouldn't talk too much about this stuff on the air, Jesus Christ, but he said it was like one of the, like the best experiences they had when he was sick. They like, they like, they were like, pray for this man and stuff.

And they were like, yeah, it was like, black people will cheer you up. Yeah. A hundred percent. I think it was a great moment. By the way, Mitch, I like that you like take a second. It's like, oh, I shouldn't share this like very earnest emotional memory of my father, like as I last remember him. But you've shared on this podcast more than once that the first time you were jacking

off your dad walking on you. I like to think he thought of that in his final days. He was like top two moments when I saw my son Jericho and that black church. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Sadness. We both got sad.

Hey, I don't know. I got dead parents too. I know. We're part of the club. So it's not a fun club. It's not a fun club. Why are your parents still living? They're hanging in there.

George and Carrie Weiger going strong. Yeah. Good. Listen to this. You know, my dad has listened to the show. I think my mom is aware of the show. I agree. It's a mistake.

They shouldn't. I mean, no one should listen. But our people who know us in particular are relatives. Sure. People love this show. People like this show for some reason. They love it so much. Is it confusing to you Fran?

Lesby. Yes. Fran who was on the show before. I know Fran's last name. Franny G. I didn't. I didn't know what you were looking at me. I was just getting my thoughts together.

Fran has came on that. I was trying to think of what episode it was. Was it the 7-Eleven episode? And she said that. Subway episode and 7-Eleven episode she's been on. She was like, I don't understand why people like this show. Right. And she's right.

That is a Fran thing to say. I was wondering, do you feel that? Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. Well, I don't really understand podcasts in general. Even though I have one. You've joined the podcasting game. I did because I like talking.

Yeah. You're a great talker. Thank you. Thank you. I don't like listening to things where I can't say my opinion and have it heard. Oh, interesting. We have noticed when we do the show live that there are a lot of people

who just yell at us. And beyond just like, this sucks and not funny. People will yell not funny. No, that was me saying that our show sucks. I was like, whoa. No, but beyond beyond them insulting us, they will say like, just like, like, like, no, you're wrong. Or like, I disagree.

Or like, we'll be like, you'll just hear it in the butt. And I think so. I think that does that is a manifestation of I think a lot of people who listen to podcasts, they kind of like have their things. They want to stay back. They still have that impulse. And maybe when you actually have the opportunity to, you can't help yourself. Maybe.

What? So you're your podcast. Why won't you date me? It's pretty. It's brand new at this point. When I know you've recorded a few episodes. Love it. Two episodes out.

So far so good. People seem to like it. I asked the second episode was with Dan Lippert. And I blew him in a bathroom and we talk about it. He says, I'm good at sucking dick when I was very happy to hear that. And then I asked why, why he wouldn't date me. Right. You'll have to listen to hear the answer.

But it's a pretty good answer. Damn. I didn't know it was him. What? Because I had heard that I had heard this, I think from you. And I didn't know who it was. Yeah. Dan Lippert.

I come on there. Was mine now the, do I have the most boring episode? No, you don't. No. Because I ran out of men I've hooked up with. So I had to go to like friends. So they all can't be juicy like that. And then some men said no.

I had one friend who I hooked up with who was like, can you not air mine? And I was like, cool. I wasted an hour of my life. That's tough. I would say like, I definitely understand as a podcast guest, maybe you come on something and you're like, okay, I regret saying that thing. I think it's fair to ask for something to be taken out,

but to say like kill an entire episode. That's rough. That's rough on the host. All right. Can't kill an episode. Yeah. Podcast rule. You can't kill the episode.

We might re-record some things. Okay. But I'm like, I have to get to a space where I'm okay with that. Right. Because I'm just annoyed. That's annoying. I get it. Cause I, I like did the, I shot them all.

I recorded them all while I was taping my show. So I would go in on the weekends for like four hour chunks. So I could just get ahead of it. It was just, it felt like a lot of work. And it was like, your work doesn't mean anything to me. Yeah. That sucks. Nick and I have talked about like if one of our like episodes just like,

is like crashes or is like, it just gets lost. I think we both said that we, I'm going to stand in front of you and shoot myself in the head. No. No. It would be such a pain in the ass. Yeah. That would suck so bad.

Thankfully we've never lost an episode. We definitely have. Knock on wood. We've never, we've never, we've never lost one. Right. We have friends. We probably should lose all of them. Yeah.

We should. Yes. Stop. This podcast is great. People fucking love it. They do for some reason. We haven't figured it out. And people think like, like, oh, you're being self-deprecating.

You're just having fun when you say you don't know why people like the podcast. We are being honest. We don't get why people like the podcast. You know where I think this podcast should go? Where the crypt, the funnier die crypt. Oh my God. You mean, you mean so many people vote die on this podcast. It ends up in the fabled crypt.

The crypt. From where it can never reemerge. Yeah. It's got to go to the crypt. It's got to, it's got to go. We were going to maybe make this last, next year or last year, which I think we are going to do. We're thinking about it. Why?

I mean, like, I don't think that's like, we haven't set that in stone. That sounds like a big announcement we're making. It does sound like an announcement. We haven't confirmed that. Well, I'm happy to be here while you make your big announcement. I feel very important. I, I think you'll do this until you guys die. Well, well, probably accurate too.

Yeah. So that might be the last year. Yeah. Nicole. Yes. Holidays are coming up. Yes. What's your go to?

What's your favorite goat? Do you have a holiday snack or a holiday meal? Good question. It is a good question. I like making mac and cheese. Oh, all right. My mother used to make this. Oh, so good mac and cheese.

I'll make her mac and cheese. So what makes this mac and cheese so good? Honestly, it tastes so, okay. It's the blue box, whatever the blue box is. I don't know what brand that is. So you follow the directions on the back, but you add a little bit extra of everything. Oh, got it.

And then like a little bit less of other things. And you just have to feel it in the moment. This is great. Usually I'm pretty good at it. Right. If you follow Ice New Craft macaroni and cheese, which is the blue box. I think that is the blue box.

No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not the instant one. Oh, it's a different one. It's like a... I got to Google it. Rosalina. Rosalina and Isles macaroni.

Oh, it's not an instant. So you add cheese and stuff. So you have to make a roux, which is like cheese and flour and milk and salt and pepper and garlic and onion. And then you stir that up and then you pour it on top of the noodles. And then you put cheese on top of that.

Then you put breadcrumbs. Then you bake it. And then you put more breadcrumbs. And then you bake it more. Oh, this is a whole to do. Yeah. You were describing, I think, just probably just a pasta brand.

But I put together in my head that some sort of mix that involves... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is still very, very homemade. Yes, yes. That's crazy. I...

With Kraft macaroni and cheese, I've said this to you a while ago. I think I've said this before, but I used to eat a whole box of that. Me too. I eat a whole box of it for dinner. What the fuck? It's crazy.

I used to... That was an after-school snack for me. I would have lunch at school. I would come home. Oh, that's disgusting. I would make mac and cheese after-school snack. No, it's not.

That's too much. No, when I was little, I would eat a whole box of mashed potatoes. Wow. I would eat lunch at school. Then I would come home and I'd fucking scarf them down. The instant potatoes.

That's badass. With, like, butter, milk and... I think that's it. Yeah, I think that's it. I fucking... Ooh, I loved it. If you do the mac and cheese, the Kraft macaroni and cheese,

the way they say you should, it's like a quarter stick of butter or something big with the mac and cheese sauce. It might be a full stick of butter. Yeah, I think it's a full stick of butter. It's a lot of butter. It's a lot of butter. A quarter cup of milk.

Quarter cup of milk. It's a lot of butter. But if you make it that way, it is so good. Yeah, it's so good. But then I remember, I think I was almost in college, and I was like,

I get sick. I have stomach aches all the time. I was like, oh, every time I eat macaroni and cheese the night before, the next day, I'm on the toilet for two hours. Because it's not real.

Yeah. It's weird powder. The weird powder, but then also, I think eating a stick of butter. Just that much. Oh, yeah, yeah. I guess a lot of butter will get you.

I think I have dairy issues. We all have dairy issues. We're not supposed to drink milk. We're not supposed to drink milk. Milk. Take some lactate. You get it straight from the cow's tit, don't you?

Come on. You lay under that cow and we'll suck up on them titties. Come on. Them udders. I think I'm going straight to the udder. No way. You go straight to the udder.

But you can't, right? You have to pasteurize milk? I think if you drink raw milk, you'll get very sick. Come on. He goes straight to the udder. He's been sick. That's not the reason I had a respiratory illness

for some time. Oh, really? I was sucking on cow tits. Sucking on cow tits. Whatever reason you're saying cow tits is very funny to me. Look, it's fake. This is a false allegation.

This is fake news? Yes, this is fake news. Also, I remember last episode, remember you were messing with your teeth and you pulled out cow hair right out of your teeth? Come on. Right between your front two teeth? You know, I have eaten udder before.

This was really weird. We went to this really authentic... Jesus, we're having fun saying you suck cow udder. And now you've eaten it? I have had a little... And my joke that cow pubes are in your teeth turned into now you remembering that you ate this fucking... Maybe it was udder.

How do you cook an udder? It was very stewed. And it was just like an element in a... We went to... It was a very traditional Mexican dish or it was a new take on a traditional Mexican dish, but it was either goat or cow udder. It was really weird.

It was very rubbery. Laughing at you as they served you an udder. It was edible, but it was a very weird texture. Yeah, I can't do that. That's not for me. You're not like, can you never do sweet breads or tongue? I don't know what the fuck a sweet bread is.

Organ meat. Why is it called sweet bread? I don't know. I don't know the etymology of sweet bread. Is it sweeter than bread? Hey, you know what? I don't know. It might be sweeter than bread.

Hey, have you out there? Go for it. It's like meat. It's like a... But what is it? What is sweet bread actually? Let me look it up. Thank you.

Is that a new computer? No, this is not a new computer, but I've had it for about six months now. It's relatively new. Wow. He's had it through computers a lot. Have you catch my drift? All right.

You fucks them? There's a lot of photos on them. Come on. Saying I'm having some sort of Jared from subway situation. Oh, no. Where my computers are confiscated by law enforcement repeatedly. I'm just saying. He's been downloading a bunch of illicit child pornography.

Hey, God, Nick. Here's the thing about fucking kids. Oh, my God. Why would you ever want to? A kid can't make you come. Why would you ever? The podcast is over in 2018. Whether we want it to be...

It's over. Wow. This is it. This is the last one. It's great to have you here for the last episode. All right. Come on, guys. That's not a hot take.

I can't make you come. You know, Nicole, I agree that people should not fuck kids. I will agree with that. 100%. You're saying that should not be a thing that people do. We are on the same page there. It seems to be disagreeing. Just to be clear, I am 100% against that as well.

Okay. Great. No boys will take a hard stand against pedophilia. Nicole, God damn it. What? What? What? It will be funny too when Nick and I will be bye-bye from Hollywood for this.

Why would you be bye-bye from Hollywood? For this interaction right here. I think you'll be fine. We all just said that fucking kids is bad. That's true. That's true. Because they can't make you come. Oh, my God.

They don't know how. Good God. Okay, Sweet Bread is a culinary name for the thymus or the pancreas of calf, lamb and less commonly beef and pork. So they're usually young, it seems like young mammals, young mammals that we eat, calves and lambs. And then they're just sort of some of their internal organs, heart, stomach and belly. Interesting. That's so misleading to call it Sweet Bread though. I agree it's a weird term and I guess I could have kept the Wikipedia page open to find out what the etymology is.

I agree it's a very weird term but they are good. I think you can get them prepared well and they are very flavorful. Why the hell do they call it Sweet Bread? Oh, the first to test it in the 16th century but the etymology is unclear. Sweet is perhaps used since the thymus is sweet and rich tasting. And bread may come from braid, which means roasted meat in old English. Dumb. Yeah, very good.

Dumb answer. I should change the name. They should to like sweet meats. Yeah, call it sweet meats. Sweet meats, I like sweet meats better. Sweet meats. Sweet meats. Excuse me, may I have some sweet meat?

It also seems like something I would want to order too much because I don't want sweet breads. No, I want sweet meats. I want sweet meats. I love a ham, a honey ham. Mitch hates ham. You got a beef. What? I just got in trouble for this recently.

How do you hate ham? I said the ham dinner is just kind of like... A ham dinner? With a ham dinner. Ham dinner? What's the ham dinner? With the classic ham dinner. I've never had a ham dinner.

Have you ever had a ham dinner? I have ham dinners all the time. Where it's just ham? For us, this is a holiday thing. We would have like a Christmas ham. Yeah, but with other meats. I guess yeah, usually there will be like a turkey or something. You don't just have ham.

I have had ham steak as just like a meal. I've had just like a big old piece of ham. A ham dinner I think exists. It's not maybe common, but I think it's a thing. I've never once had a dinner where ham was the only meat option. I've definitely experienced that. I'd say it's not common, but I've definitely experienced it. Okay.

But yes, but you have a problem with ham. Outside of the ham dinner context, you just ham in general. Ham in general, I'm fine with it. The ham dinner, I do like if you get like a like a like a honey baked ham dinner or something. I feel like you're walking it back. You like you. So you want a ham sandwich. You like it like ham.

You know, you know what? Fine. I'll step it up. Give me fucking roast beef instead. Wow. Ham can hit the road. Wow. Ham is good.

I'm gonna get this fucking. I'm gonna choose roast beef over fucking ham. Really? Yeah. I like ham. Ham is good. I do not like ham. Ham is also a dumb word.

It is a very ham. I don't like ham. I do not like ham. Do you sell ham in restaurants? Yeah. You can get ham in a restaurant. Like from where? I'm certain you can go into a restaurant and ask.

I think if you go to McDonald's, you say, can I get ham? They'll give it to you. McDonald's has ham? They don't have ham. It's like Arby's has ham. Arby's has definitely has ham. Arby's definitely has ham. McDonald's, I think they give you a side of Canadian bacon.

I think that's probably the closest they will come. I think there's like. Do you like Canadian bacon? That's ham. I like Canadian bacon. So you like breakfast ham, just not dinner ham. Ham is fine, but don't we like everything else better? Don't you like everything?

Chicken and turkey. I like chicken and turkey better than ham. I like chicken better, but I think chicken is more versatile, but give me ham over turkey. Yes. Unless it's a brined turkey, which is something I just had. It was salty and good. Turkeys can be good if it's cooked right.

It has to be cooked right. I've only had one good turkey in my 30 years of living. And it was a brined turkey. It was a brined turkey. It's very good. I've had plenty of good turkeys. Turkey ceiling is very low. Turkey ceiling is very low.

The best turkey is just not going to wow me. Yeah, turkeys are fine. It's fine. I do love chicken. Chicken's good as hell. Chicken. I love chicken. How come they don't make like turkey fingers?

Yeah. You know what? No, you're right. I mean, I get that. You're right. Right. Like there's chicken fingers. Is it because we all know that turkey sucks?

I think probably. Yeah. And it's probably a little bit more expensive. So they can't make it. It's turkey like a little bit. It's a little leaner. It's better for you, I think. What about pheasant?

People eat pheasants, right? Yeah. People do eat pheasants. Have you ever eaten anything where you had to eat the bones? Eat the bones? Yeah. What do you mean? Have you ever had to eat?

Like there's like those birds in England, they eat it. Like the bones and all. You eat the bones. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? This is true. Open your computer and tell us what you're talking about. Nick, look up.

Bird England, you eat the bones. Bird England. Those words exactly. Bird England, you eat the bones. Okay, here we go. Why French chefs want to eat this bird? Head, bones, beak and all. Ugh.

This is called an orto-land, orto-lon. Yeah, England. A delicate songbird. A delicate songbird, so it wants me to like crush a hummingbird and eat it. It's like a cute little, it looks like a cute little baby bird. And then it's just like served in a... Gross. And then I guess you just eat the whole thing.

That's kind of fucked up. There's some stuff they eat. I mean, soft shell crab eat this. I won't. No? No. You want to eat it? No, I don't like crab.

Oh, you don't like crab? Okay. No. I like shrimps, scallops, lobster. Scallops. Scallops are very seafood-tasty. I like scallops. Now, to bring this back around...

Sure. My... And I've said this before. We've run out of... This is why we should end the podcast. We repeat ourselves constantly. My Christmas, the family dinner on Christmas is usually clam chowder. Ugh.

Baked stuffed clams. Ugh. Oh, you love them. It sounds great. You put hot sauce on them and they're... For real, that's what you put like Frank's red hot on them. They're so good. And lobster rolls.

Okay. You're right with lobster rolls. Wait. A lobster roll is lobster... What's it in? It's in goop, right? Mayo. Yeah, no.

No? No. So I would be so hungry at your family's dinner. Why the... I'm curious, why the evers in a mayo? I don't like it. Oh, why are you taking a fan? It jiggles.

It jiggles like a fat woman. It reminds me of like a fat white lady in a bikini. Oh, interesting. And it jiggles. And it's just... Right. It's very visceral. Hmm.

So it's like... Yeah, it reminds Weigher and I of like family members. All right, Mitch, I looked up more about this bird. It's apparently known as France's cruelest food. Okay, so the way that this dish is prepared, they have to capture it alive. They can't shoot it out of the sky, so they capture it in cages. That's kind of funny. Like a French guy's running around with cages trying to catch a bird, right?

Are they small cages? They're small cages. They're kept in black boxes and or blinded by having their eyes stabbed out. Oh, my God. So they think it's night all the time. Okay. Well, this is such a dark episode. And then they are...

Time for the holidays. They are force-fed grain so that they double in size. Oh, no. And then the way they are killed... By the way, is that what you've been doing to me with this podcast? They've been feeding me grain with all these meals. And then as soon as he's going to blind you and then serve you to friends. I mean, there's not that much eye to take out, so...

That's a big quick job. You're not going to be able to get something... You're not going to be able to jab me in these eyes. You know what you make fun of these eyes? They're protective. Right. My eyes... My lids are protective.

You've got like a built-in, like a... like night's visor. But anyway, so the... Then the way they are killed, they are drowned in a vat of marinade. Oh, my God. So they are killed and marinated at the same time. Isn't that brutal? Well, if you did that to Mitch, Joe could be on you. He'd suck up all that marinade.

I'm a liar. Nicole, you too. What? You're churning on me with this, too. No, I just said that you're stronger and you would survive. I try to find out anything... I try to find out more about eating bones, and I couldn't find any more bone stuff.

I don't really want to eat bones. It doesn't seem good. Although the chicken nuggets have bones in them. Do they? Yeah, because they grind up the whole chicken. And then that's the pink goop or whatever that they... Oh, right. Have you ever seen the video of Jamie Oliver

showing that to children? There's like six kids, and then he's like, who wants to eat that? And all of them are like, me! It's so funny. They still say yes. Yes, they're like, yeah, of course I'll fucking eat that. Who cares, Jamie Oliver?

That's one of those things that... Because I'm not much of a patriot, but that definitely gives me American pride. You know, it's like British chef who thinks he's going to teach a lesson to Americans and they're like, fuck you, you fucking limey. Yeah, I want to eat that shit, it's good. Don't the kids then overtake him and eat him?

They eat him, they poke his eyes out, and they put him in a vat marinade. Nicole, a chain that we aren't visiting today, but one that you brought up as a favorite of yours and that we need to cover at some point in the future because it's one of the biggest ones in America. Apple Bees. Apple Bees, baby!

What is your Apple Bees? Where does that Apple Bees passion stem from? Okay, they are slowly getting rid of it, but there's a dessert there called an Apple Chimmy Cheesecake. It's only at some locations, and it's a tortilla with cheesecake inside. They fold it up, they deep fry it, they sprinkle some apples on it, and then ice cream.

And it's, oh boy, it's so good. That sounds super sweet and super good. But it's not that sweet. Oh really, okay. The cheesecake they use is like, I don't know, it's more creamy than like super sweet. I can't, I don't know, it's so fucking good. Right.

Oh, and they're doing dollar long islands this month. That, oh wait, that's a recipe for disaster. Yeah, people are probably gonna die. Right. Yeah, that's crazy. The dollar long island ice teas are, that's insane. That's a powerful drink. It's a very powerful drink.

That'll put me right down on my bottom if I drink one of those. Oh my God. Sorry, gents can't have one of these, I'll be right on my bottom. We don't want you to hang out with us. Right on my bottom. Yeah, I fucking love Applebee's.

Long Island ice teas were a college. I feel like I got those in college. Right. Yes, I used to drink them. A long island ice tea, no ice, no coke. And, and, oh yeah. Wait, so you're just getting straight liquor? Yes.

Wow, that's intense. Jesus. Yeah man. Wait, is there like any sort of like sweet mix in there or no? No, it's a, I believe it's vodka, tequila, gin, whiskey. That sounds right. And then a splash of coke. Yeah, it's like four spirits and then triple second,

and then coke and something like that. Long Island ice teas were pretty tasty. They are tasty. I mean, I think they, they, it's kind of like a weird, the liquors all kind of work each other. I think that's the idea. It's kind of a magic trick where some, it depends on how you get,

you can get bad ones obviously, but there are times when it kind of, it is very drinkable. Long Island. We're old gay verses from it makes sense. Right. Long Island ice tea. That's a trashy drink for a trashy place.

Just kidding, I love Long Island. You know, I've never been there, but I'm intrigued by it. Oh wow, another place you've never been. I'm not well-traveled, but I'd love to check out Long Island sometime. I've never been to Long Island. Wait, no I have.

Wait, maybe I went to Staten Island. Well, you just said you loved it, so. No, Long Island ice tea. Oh, got it, got it, got it. Fuck, actual Long Island. Yeah, fuck that. I just love booze. And then they have a half price appetizers

most of the time. Oh right, that's nice. Applebee's is great. I do like Chili's's food better. Yeah. I don't know if I've actually ever been to Applebee's. Mitch, we gotta go. I feel like I have, but maybe I haven't.

Like in my head, I'm trying to, I don't know. You have to go. I've definitely been to Applebee's. I get that AppleChimmy Cheesecake, although I don't think the one closest to us has the AppleChimmy Cheesecake. Right. Which is a bummer.

There aren't too many, and this is a thing we run into with this podcast, is that even though a lot of these chains exist in Southern California at large, within actually metropolitan LA, there a lot of times aren't any, because there just isn't the footprint or the real estate,

or they think there's not the demand for it. So the closest, it's literally like a 50 minute drive, I think, from your place, Mitch, is the closest Applebee's in like no traffic. It's like crazy how far field we'd have to try one. I couldn't do it. That was the issue. We were gonna end it with Applebee's this year,

and I couldn't, I, you walked in, you said, Mitch, you seem more stressed than usual. Yes. That is true. I am more stressed. You are. It's all good though. Sometimes, do you ever,

you know the cartoon, Kathy, that comic strip? Am I like Kathy? Sometimes. Today, you definitely are. Jesus, I don't want to be like Kathy. Your subtext of everything you said today is ac. Right. You do have four beads of sweat flinging from you,

in like the pattern of a sun. You think of me like a Kathy? Just today. I thought you thought of me as a cool dude. You are a cool dude. Today, you just have like a hint of Kathy. You have, you have spent all day asking whether or not Irving will finally pop the question.

It's very Kathy. Who's Irving? I know. We don't know these fucking deep cut Kathy shit. Yeah. I was like, wow. This sick motherfucker who listens to, who listens, who probably does listen to Kathy.

I have the audiobook version of the Kathy Treasury. Yes. It was narrated by Kathy Guyswhite herself. Why do you know this information? I've seen, I actually read the, I read the last Kathy the day, the day it came out in the Sunday paper. Really?

And teared up. Her and Irving finally got together. They got married. That was the end of it. Yeah. The last panel is like Irving and like really railing her. It's really fun. Yeah, it really is.

She's just getting raw dogs. She's getting raw dogs. She's getting raw dogs. She's like, Ack, Ack, Ack, Ack. Ack. Ack. Ack. Ack.

Ack. Ack. Ack. Ack. Ack. Ack. Ack. Ack.

Ack. That's the funniest Kathy specific thing I've ever heard in my life. Jesus Christ. That was too funny. Anyway, it's Nicole. Yeah. You like the mac and cheese? Is there anything else you like to eat?

Any, any warm comfort, even egg? Come on. We can include eggnog or we can include hot chocolate. Are you looking at a list of your phones? No, no, no, no, my phone kept turning on and off. I don't like eggnog. I agree, it's gross. I haven't made hot chocolate in a super long time.

When I was little, my mother used to put Hershey kisses at the bottom. Ooh, that's a fun treat. When you drink it, yeah, you'd have a little treat at the end. That's fucking great. But then I decided when I was little, I was like, ooh, I like hot, I like the warm chocolate at the end. But I was like, I don't always want hot chocolate. So I was like, how do you heat up chocolate?

And I was like too little to use the microwave. Right. And then I used to put them in my underwear. Because I was like, ooh, toast you down there. So I would just like put Hershey kisses in my underwear and like snack out of my underwear. And then Hershey kisses are like unwrapped at the top. So they would leave little brown dots in front of my underwear.

Oh my God. And my mother had to sit me down and be like, are you shitting from the front? So I haven't made hot chocolate in a really long time. How old were you? Young. Like five, six, maybe? Right, right.

So I love your mom's like being like, are you okay? Are you shitting from the front? I need to know what's happening. Are you all right? And then the actual explanation is maybe not better. No, it's absolutely not better. Because then you're like, it's not a phase. She's going to be that forever.

But I like wonder if my parents had a discussion about it. She's shitting from the front, Trevor. He's like, I don't know. Take her to a doctor. Yeah, by the time you sit someone down and have that conversation, you've gone over that with someone else and figured out how to handle it. Here's a question.

Not just Christmas is the only holiday on the horizon. New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. And also Hanukkah. And also Hanukkah. We're in Hanukkah right now. We're in it right now. I didn't know Hanukkah was that far before Christmas.

I thought it was like the week before Christmas. I think it varies because it's a different calendar. So I think it happens a different time of year each year. That's my understanding. I mean, I'm not Jewish. Text the commissioner. He'll tell us right now if we want him to. You want me to text Susser when Hanukkah is?

Yeah. He'll give us a layman's explanation of Hanukkah. All right. Hold on. Ask him why it happens at different times. Because I know that Hanukkah is the festival of the lights. From Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song? Maybe.

I went to school with a lot of Jewish kids. So we got off for a bunch of Jewish holidays, which was nice. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah. Oh, that's cool. We didn't get those off. No?

Mm-mm. I think there was too many Jewish kids where I grew up for us to be like, no, you don't get it. But no one gave us Kwanzaa off. Have you ever celebrated Kwanzaa? We tried to celebrate once. And then I was just like, this is not anything that we've ever done. This is strange.

Do you know anything about, like, as far as what the deal is? I don't know. It's like Hanukkah. But each day, like, means something else. I feel like one day means, like, unity. That's all I remember. I'm texting Cesar. Should I also ask him about Kwanzaa?

Yes, please. All right. Yeah. Do you know anything about Kwanzaa? You know what Kwanzaa needs? I mean, so does Hanukkah, though. What? Hanukkah has, like, the present factor.

You get it right away. There's eight nights. You get a presence. Each of these eight nights. You light a candle. You get a present. You light a candle. You get a present.

I feel like you get a present every day. Yeah. I feel like maybe Kwanzaa is Black Hanukkah. It is like a Black Hanukkah. Kwanzaa, Black Hanukkah, maybe. I'm not sure how. I mean, you're shrugging as you're saying. Yeah.

I truly don't know. We just, like, went back. We, like, celebrated Kwanzaa and then celebrated Christmas and then never celebrated Kwanzaa again. This was when you were younger? Yeah. This is my sister, I think, was the one who was like, we've got to celebrate Kwanzaa.

My mother was, like, fine. Hey, Mitch, I think Susser might be calling in in a second if you want to check your phone. Yeah, sure thing. Oh, my God. You just spilled LaCroix all over your laptop. Why am I turning into you? Oh, Nick, this reminded me.

It fell right onto. We got invited to a wedding. We got invited to Rachel and William. Wait, what? Rachel and William. Lauren, Haberham, and Ryan Kelly. I can't tell. Rachel and William are getting married.

Rachel, yes. What is going on? It's her first, middle, and last name, Mitch. Oh. Rachel Lauren Haberman is marrying William Ryan Kelly on February 2nd. Don't tell where, though. I won't.

That would be wild. Hey, Susser, we got you here on the speakerphone. Also, I just want one second, Susser. I'm about to go see the last Jedi, but I heard there's a Hanukkah emergency. There is a Hanukkah emergency. Oh, you're about to walk into the last Jedi, you said, but yes, we have a Hanukkah emergency.

Is this, hey, you're celebrating Hanukkah, going to see the last Jedi? I am. It's quite a celebration. It's the third night of Hanukkah. What a third night present. And it's the third new Star Wars movie. Okay.

You broke one, and now the last Jedi. Sure, yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, there's a little bit of a stretch. All right, Susser, can you put it in for layman's term into dohman's terms? Can you talk about what Hanukkah is for us? Okay, the real quick version is it celebrates

a military victory with the Maccabees, and then after they beat the bad guys, can't remember, they had to light a menorah in the temple, and there was only enough oil to last for one night, and instead it lasted for eight nights. So that's a miracle of Hanukkah. And so it's not really, honestly, that important of a just Jewish holiday, but it became more popular

to compete with Christmas in America. You can't let us have one thing, can you? And then there was also a question of why it's at a different time of year, or why it moves around. Sometimes it's early December, sometimes it's later December, and that's because it's on the Hebrew calendar, which is lunar instead of solar. So it's on the same day on the Hebrew calendar,

which again, I don't know what day that is, but... Wait, what does lunar mean? Like by the moon. Yeah, the moon instead of the sun. Wait, Jewish people are on a different calendar than us? Yeah, it's like the year 8,000 in the Jewish calendar, right, Cesar? I think it's 5,000 something. Right, so they're in the future.

They've got like the iPhone 20 there. And then what about Kwanzaa? Kwanzaa, I actually don't know too much about Kwanzaa. Okay, fair. I'm here at the Americana. Please ask the black person. Tap someone on the shoulder right next to you. No, I'm okay.

Can't wait to hear your sister get punched in the head. Excuse me, do you know what Kwanzaa is? What? Hey, Susser, before you go, before you go in real quick, do you have a last Jedi prediction? Is Rose Tico gonna make it out alive? Uh, yeah, sure, why not? Okay, you heard it from Susser.

Have a good episode. Hey, happy, happy holidays, Suss. Happy holidays, Hanukkah. Happy holidays, Doughboyz. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Well, that was fun.

That was nice. I still won't get it. We'll take a break. We'll be right back with more Doughboys. Welcome back to Doughboys. We're here with Nicole Byer. We're about to talk Cinnabon. But before we get there...

First thing, yeah, we got a couple packages. We opened up some of them on a double, which you'll hear. Yes, a couple of holiday things to acknowledge. People send us in. It's very nice. We got a holiday card and a couple of handmade presents from Julie. Aw.

It's a program plug at trash underscore can underscore dreams. She made a little, a little burger for the burger brigade that has a little in and out sleeve, which is pretty stiffy. And it wasn't much better shape, but Mitch's cats immediately seized it as their own toy. And then I think dragged it under your toilet. Is that word enough? They basically dragged it under my toilet.

Yeah. But it's still very cute. They dragged it under my toilet and, yeah, Nick, you're going to take it home with you today. You're going to take home this toilet burger. Fine. I'll keep it. Hey, you know what?

This is my kind of my workstation where we are right here. You can't leave it out though. The cats are going to take it. Oh, that's right. Okay. Well, they can play with it while Nick's not here. That's true. But you're afraid it's going to get ruined.

It's going to get ruined. I'll take it home with me. I'll eat one of those eyes and I'll punch you. Thanks, Julie. So what I got, speaking of those two very cute devil cats, I got a jar and it has a forest inside of it with trees and then a big foot and then two little kitten things. Oh, that's a big foot?

It's a big foot. And so it's Wally and Irma. And then I think I'm supposed to be the big foot. Is it possibly a skunk ape? I know that's a thing we referenced. Is that what it is? Maybe it's the skunk ape. That's wild.

Wally and Irma, am I forgetting something that we made up on the show? The skunk ape and Wally and Irma together, but it's beautiful. I treasure it. It's a spitting image of you. It's a spot on likeness. I couldn't tell if I'm supposed to be the big foot or not,

but that was very nice. I think it's the same person who made this. She took a lot of time to make this. More effort than we've ever put into an episode of the show. And then also we got invited to this wedding, which Nicole, you read. We mentioned just before the break. From William Ryan Kelly and Rachel Lauren Haberman.

Congrats on your nuptials, guys. We got to reply soon. We got to go to that wedding. It's in February. Oh boy. Sorry. There's no Del Taco or Taco Bell. Maybe after.

They're going to go get you Taco Bell. You got to go. We got to go all the way. Where are people sending this stuff? Do you put your like home address? I don't know how people get the ed. They must know where I live at this point. We should get a P.O. box.

Honestly. That should be our 2018 resolution. We should get a P.O. box. I do sometimes tell people my home address. Don't. I don't care. Yes, you do. I welcome the murderers with open arms.

Mitchie, you can't. Our listeners are good people, Nicole. They're not going to kill me. They may not kill you, but they may do something else to you. I'm fine with that. I don't know. Take your cats. That I am not fine with and I will kill you.

I'll find you and I'll kill you if you touch while you're in there. Anyways, very nice from those people. It'll be your very winded version of taken. That'd be very funny. I would watch Mitch in an action movie. Hey, someone asked online, hey, if you could cast anyone as Batman, who would be your pick? I pitched Mike Mitchell.

Wait, is this recently? This was like a month ago. I didn't see this. Yeah, I just tweeted. I didn't tag you. I just tweeted out Mike Mitchell. Really? I think you'd be like a very interesting take on like a Bruce Wayne.

Cause like you'd be, you'd be so unprepared, but you want to do a good job. You'd bring like an interesting sort of character to it. And Nicole's right. I would be, I would, I would, I mean, I just would be, I'd be winded. I guess you said this. I'd be very tired.

You'd be sitting down in between saving people. I wouldn't be a playboy. You wouldn't be in play. That mask would do nothing to hide your identity. Everyone would identify those jowls in a second. Jowls. It's mostly beard. I'm sorry.

It's a lot of beard over. Jowls. Let's talk, let's talk Cinnabon. So Nicole, what is your experience with this chain of mall staple and airport staple? I think a place that, that most Americans have been to at some point in their life, whether they frequented it or not.

Yeah. I can only remember one instance at a Cinnabon. I know I've been before, but it, I was at like a Tennessee airport. Okay. And I got off the plane and I was like, ooh, I should wait cause everything in the airport's disgusting and overpriced. But I was like, I'm going to get some Cinnabon.

That's what I want. And then I watched the man take fresh Cinnabons out of the oven or whatever they cook them in. And then he packaged me up an old one and I said, thank you. And I didn't ask for a fresh one because I felt like that was like the fattest thing I could ever do. So then I ate an old stale Cinnabon. It was so sad.

That's, I mean, that's like a, that's a shitty move by that work on that work. Even if you've been told, he was told that by management to do it. He should like try to sneak it. He should have pretended that he was giving me a fresh one. Yeah. He like very blatantly like set out the fresh ones and then was like,

Oh, you want one? And then like looked at the old ones and put one in. Like the frosting was cracking. It was so gross. You know, you know what? That's not a, that's not a fat person thing to do. No, that's totally right. I was about to say that's not a fat person thing to do.

I would do it. That doesn't prove my point. I'm a fat person. Um, but, but I think that that I almost think that like skinny people would do that more. I could see some snooty, snooty, thin blonde woman coming up and saying, I want a fresh one instead.

A lot of blonde women are very nice. I want a fresh one instead. Here's what I will say though. Cinnabon along with bond bonds goes into the category of, if you, I think this is like such a nineties thing, but if you're making fun of overweight women specifically, which you shouldn't do, it was such the go-to like Cinnabon,

like, like eat a Cinnabon or something. You know what I mean? It was like kind of like going to Cinnabon. It was like the, it was a go-to. Was right. Am I right on this? Yeah. It wasn't quite like, I mean, how Bundy didn't do it,

but it's the kind of thing, like an Al Bundy character and the kind of crack he would make. And Peg loved bond bonds, which were, which were close by. Bond bonds are ice cream? Yes. Yeah. I think they're little ice cream bites covered in chocolate. They are delicious.

Yeah. Very good. That's real good. Yeah. What a weird thing to like drag someone for like a reasonable, like a bond bond. They're delicious. Yeah.

I guess it's the name. I guess so. Cinnabon was up there too. And I think it is just, they're such decadent, it's such a decadent, crazy thing. Sure. It's an incident. Cinnabons are insane.

I mean, they really are. We just, cause we got a, we got a whole batch of Cinnabons and our, our Ruby who's new to Feral Audio pick these up for us. Thank you Ruby. Thank you Ruby. Filling in for you. Song is a little under the weather right now.

Get well soon. You song. It'll be well by the time this comes out, right? Yeah. I think he's sick of the dough boys. Stop it. Nobody's sick of you. I keep saying it.

People love you. Oh, you're sick of us. Yeah. People love you. But the, when she, she brought this, she picked this up for us, which is very nice of her.

And we, we had this spread in front of us. And it's just, it's so like, you know, the whole thing of like you eat with your eyes first. That's, that's the cliche.

And I just feel like when I was looking at these, it's like getting like weighed down, just looking at it. Cause it's just so dense and just like glazed. There's just so much, just like hot white over these, just like, Oh Jesus. It's just hot white. And then,

and then just like these brown, like just dense rolls. I feel like there's like, Stop saying hot white, please. I like it. Hot white dense rolls. It's just really, it's just so heavy even to look at.

Yes. And then when you start to eat it, it's just so, it was the word someone used a second ago. So much sugar. It's so much sugar. I mean, I didn't look at,

I didn't actually look at the nutrition facts for one of these, but I'm fascinated by them. I do feel, I didn't eat anything today, besides a Tim Tam from another episode. Yeah. The only other thing you ate today was a cookie. It was a cookie.

And I ate this in a bond and I feel insane. I feel nuts. I feel kind of like jittery. I also didn't eat, I didn't even eat a Tim Tam. What is wrong with us? Well, I drank a bottle of wine last night in an hour.

So I woke up a little, not feeling the best. What kind of wine were you drinking? I only drink Joel got Savion Blanc. That's a good choice. I love it. It's great. Yeah.

I've had the, you know, that's a very solid vineyard, kind of a mid tier price category. It's not super expensive and I don't get super hungover and I can drink a bottle. Right.

And that's what I'm looking for. It's like a bottle of wine a night. I have, I definitely have had a phase where I've been a bottle of night guy because I was like, I was like, oh, switcher, I used to drink of a six pack of beer. I was like a six pack,

you know, get home from work, drink a six pack over the course of several hours and fall asleep. Sounds like a great night for Natalie. You came home and drink a six pack of beer. She did not like it. And then, and then, you know,

there was a point where I was like going through a wine phase, which was just like, you rationalize, like, oh, it's less calories. So this is better for me. It's just like, man, it's still just so much alcohol you're putting in your body.

Alcohol is poison. Yeah. It's terrible for you. I woke up terrible this morning, but I'll probably drink again tonight. I love booze. It is. It is one of my favorite vices.

So the Cinnabon, speaking of nutrition, the Cinnabon classic roll, which is the one we started with, this is the, this is the one that built the empire, 880 calories, 58 grams of sugar.

It's actually less, it's not as bad as I expected it to be. But 58 grams of sugar is basically triple what you should have in a day. So it's, it's a lot. It's super duper unhealthy. So I should not go through with my 90 grams of sugar diet

that I started out. I think you should do it. I think so too. I don't know. I think you should do it. I don't see any downside. Why not? Who gives a shit at this point?

Do you ever watch my 600 pound life? And no, but out of fear. Mitch, is that why the camera crew is lurking around your apartment? Motherfucker. That was very funny.

Last episode of the year, you really roasted me. No, I'm sorry. I apologize. Very funny. So the, the classic role. Is that why the camera crew?

Oh, okay. The classic role. Wait, wait, did you have something you wanted to say on this? I can't make any child molesters, Joe's,

because then you break it down and we talk about fucking real child molesters. Don't put that on me. I wasn't the one talking about, listen, kids can't make you calm. No, no,

no, kids can't make you calm. Okay. I wasn't even going to say it. Oh my God. They can't do it. Oh boy. They don't know how.

I used to have a joke that was, oh no. Now you have to say it. I'll cut it out. Why would you cut it out? I'd be okay with child pornography if it was for children by children. Oh my God.

I think that's very funny. Like a highlight situation. Fubu, for us by us. Exactly. Good. I like it. That's a funny joke.

I don't think you need to, I don't think you need to cut that out. In this day and age, we can't do anything. He's gotten into my head. We can't, you can't say. Here's the thing. What's wrong with it?

Yeah. If children are showing each other shit. That's true. It's funny. There was like a gaffer, a child gaffer, and a child, the whole crew,

the cinematographer, and only children could buy it. They've all signed union cards. It's fully vetted. But like since kids don't know how to make people come, it would just be like a bunch of kids. Good God. Match your lips against each other.

Dustin is, Dustin's running out. Yeah. We're no longer a familiar with federal audio. I'm looking at the zoom. It says that the episode has already been deleted. All right. I mean, I guess we can keep talking just for the sake of it.

So the classic role is the, it's just a basic cinnamon roll with a whole bunch of that white glaze drizzled over it. And it was, I mean, I think it's very good. I really, it's, it's so heavy. And I don't know if I could eat an entire one by myself.

If not for like it being kind of like a stunt like this. And I was just like, I'm going to the mall and like I want a snack. I feel like if I got one of those, for me, that's something to share. It's just so, so much sugar. But it is very good. I don't know.

What do you guys think? I liked it. I thought it was really tasty. I'm like looking at mine and be like, do I want more? I really was thinking of taking another bite. Cause it's just sitting right here. And it's like half eaten in like 40 minutes old,

but it looks good as hell still. I've never, I've never gone to, Oh, go ahead. I'm sorry. No, you do it. No, because I, okay, all right. I've never,

I've never gone to a Cinnabon stand. Like I've never gotten a Cinnabon. The only Cinnabons I've experienced were like, when like my mom or something, when it was like first a new thing, like she brought them home a couple of times. I've never been a huge cinnamon roll fan. I'm not a huge cinnamon roll fan.

They're just so intense always as a part of my issue with it. I was like, oh man, I like cinnamon, but it was, it was just, it was a lot. My issue with this one is I think it is good. It's decadent. It's crazy. Yes. But it wasn't my favorite of everything we had.

Oh, interesting. I liked some other stuff better than I liked the classic cinnamon roll. What did you like the best? Should we get into what else we had? Let's keep going. All right. So I liked the,

The Middles? Just the Middles. I liked better. It just seemed like the texture worked. I felt like it was more balanced or something. I don't know why. Like I felt like with the cinnamon roll, I was sometimes getting,

and I know that that doesn't, doesn't seem to make sense because just the center ones have like the cinnamon all over them. Yes. But I was being overwhelmed with the actual cinnamon rolls with like, I had to get like a big, goop of cinnamon sugar and it was too much. So that the menu item itself was called the center of the roll.

And it's the, it's just bite sized pieces of the dough, like that you would have in the center. It's just like a bunch of, it's like a bunch of bites kind of crammed together instead of the one constructed roll. But you're right. It's like a lot of, it's a lot softer.

It is better. Yeah. I like the texture of it is fun. There was nuts on one of them. There was one without nuts and one with what? Right. We got one base. Pecan?

Yeah. One basic 101 caramel pecan. Yeah. I like the center of the roll better as well. Cause I think with the original roll or whatever, the outside got a little dry where the center of the rolls were very moist for lack of a better word.

Yes. That's the, that's the whole, I think issue with cinnamon rolls. And I'm a big cinnamon roll fan. Actually, I've mentioned this before, but you're about to knock those, those things. Oh my God. Jesus.

These ones are my absolute favorite. I almost just dropped a bunch of CineSweeties onto the floor. I was, I was trying to take another bite of CineBun. The, the, you said so. We were so close on the holidays. Yes.

But for me, it was a sweet treat on Christmas morning. We would have cinnamon rolls with a little bit of butter on them. And, you know, speaking of decadent ads, throw some butter on those bad boys. But I've always really liked them. But yes, the liability with them, especially if they've been cooled down a little bit, is that the outside is less fun than the inside.

So yeah, kind of just, just making it very, just breaking it down and just being like, we're just going to give you those middle chunks. It's like, you can give it a shoe leather on the outside. It does a little bit. Too much.

Too much. Too much. I, oh, Christmas morning, by the way, I've said this before, but Eggs Benedict is my family thing. We'll make Eggs Benedict. And then mimosas we'll have as well. Eggs Benedict and mimosas.

I can do mimosas. I don't think I like Eggs Benedict. It's got that sauce. It's got the sauce. I'm not here for the sauce. It's another egg based sauce. If you don't like mayo, you might not like hollandaise.

And it's got Canadian bacon on there too. I do like Canadian bacon. Canadian bacon. Christmas morning, we would get bacon, eggs, pancakes, and corned beef hash. Oh, that's great.

Oh, that sounds fucking good. Corned beef hash specifically. And my mom would shake it out and slice it in circles. Yeah. Mash it up. Nellie loves the canned corned beef hash. It's so good.

That's like specifically over like fresh. Like the canned is its own thing. Same. It's interesting. And it has to be corned. I don't like any other brand. Interesting. We're going to have some Eggs Benedict.

I want you to like it. I mean, maybe you don't and never will, but. Well, I've never had it. There we go. I just don't. It's the runny sauce. I don't.

It's too runny. I don't know. It just doesn't look appetizing to me. And what kind of eggs are there? They're soft boiled. I've never had a soft boiled egg. Or they're poached, I guess. Oh, yes.

Poached. I've never had a poached egg. I don't understand what a poached egg is. I don't really either. It's like water, right? You cook it in water. You basically just boil it. But out of the shell.

And out of the shell in water. Whoa. What? What? It's weird. You boil water. Then you crack an egg into the water. And then scoop it out.

And it cooks inside that water. Then you scoop it out. I'm sorry. That's insane. I agree. It's weird. I agree. It's weird.

The wildest thing I've ever heard. Who said I'm going to boil water and crack eggs into it? It's a lunatic. It's, you know, like a hard. There's there's there's some. There is some probably some French guy or something way back in the day.

Yeah. Motherfucker boiling water and cracking eggs into it. That's nuts. Blinding birds and feeding them to their twice their size and drowning them in marinade. These six bucks. Too much.

Too much. These cooks. My grandma also used to make these things. These French pastry donuts, which they were basically little muffins. And then they're just like kind of like playing little muffins, but then you would dip them in butter and then dip them in cinnamon sugar.

And they were delicious. That sounds incredible. Maybe I'll make it. You know what? Maybe I'll make them at some point for everybody. They're good. We got to come over for breakfast though. Because I mean, for me, I'd like noon.

Yeah. I can do that. You got, you've got this all set up. You have a, you have a breakfast. You make your, you make some eggs Benedict for Nicole. And then you guys go see the last Jedi. Yeah. And the whole time I'll be like, who's this?

Who's that? Who's this person? Are they good? What are you trooping for? I won't know a single thing. Luke is coming back in this one. Luke Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.

There you go. Yeah. He fucks Princess Leah, but then what's his sister? No, he only kisses her. It's not quite that game of thrones. Actually though, we never know if he does have sex with Princess Leah. They're two grown ups.

They could have at one point. Between episodes five and six, I guess would probably be the time, right? Maybe between four and five. No, they, because they wouldn't have fucked between four and five. They don't have that kiss until episode five. It seems like that Han and Leia kind of do.

But I think between five and six, when Han is frozen in carbonite, maybe Leia's getting all lonely. Han is, who's Han? Harrison Ford. And he fucks Princess Leah? Yeah. And they get, they are the parents of Kylo Ren, the villain of episode seven.

Wow. That's right. So the good guys are the parents of the bad guys? Right. Because I think a big part of the Star Wars universe is how, is lineage and fate. And the idea that someone like Anakin Skywalker, who's Darth Vader has his son Luke Skywalker,

who's the hero of the galaxy who defeats him. And then Luke's sister, Leia and Han Solo, and who are virtuous end up having this nefarious child. This is like when Sousa was describing Hanukkah. Right. By the way, Luke is in the Degobus system, right? Between five and six. The Degobus?

For the entire, for that entire time, he's back with Yoda. Oh, I guess he comes back. I don't know. Who cares? Let's move on. Okay, we'll figure it out. Jesus.

Wait, who's Kylo Ren in the new movie? Is that? Adam Driver. Ah, yes. He's cute. You think he's cute? He's a good looking guy. I would sit on that face and wiggle around.

I think he's so hot. Oh. Adam Driver? It's... If he listens. Adam Driver, if you listen to this, do you like Fat Chicks? I'm looking.

He's so cute. Adam Driver. I think it's great casting. I think he's got a great look. All right, shut up. You don't like Adam Driver? No, I don't. I don't even dislike Adam Driver.

You might like the last Jedi. He's light. You should love him. Oh, my God. Tee hee hee hee. Tee hee hee hee. Tee hee hee hee hee. No comeback for that.

All right, so the, the, we also had the last Jedi. We had the last Jedi. We had the last Jedi. We had the last Jedi. We had the last Jedi. All right, so the, the, we also had the caramel pecan

bond bites, which were the little guys. They were like a mini, mini, mini simmer roll. What are you guys doing? I was gonna say, I like those too. They're good. I didn't like them. Oh, no.

For whatever reason, they weren't as sweet and I didn't like that. I was missing the goop. The cinnamon goop. Oh, I kind of, I kind of think that it wasn't as sweet. Oh, see, I like that cinnamon goop.

I do like the pecans though. I think that adds a nice little French to it. Oh, I like that texture. Yes. I mean, I guess it maybe, it's maybe better executed in the caramel pecan center of the roll

versus the bond bites. Yeah. I think part of my issue with the bond bites is I could tell those have been just like sitting there for a while. It feels like the rolls are a little fresher and these ones are maybe

a little bit more pre-packaged. And what were these guys? These are the Cinnisweeties. These are these little ball shaped, they're like donut holes covered with cinnamon sugar and then they have a little dip in sauce. And this is as opposed to like kind

of the runnier, come like glaze. This is more of a thicker frosting glaze. Yeah, this is more of like, if you hadn't like come in a few days, it's like a thicker version. Yeah, it just goops out of you. Oh my God.

I don't know. You set me up for that. I know. No, I know. I fucked up. Goops out of you. Oh boy. So this one, so you have the

dip in, you have the Cinnisweeties, you have these little balls and you have this little dip in sauce. You dip them in there? I thought these were great. I really liked them. I really liked them. Yeah.

I thought they were really good. And I like kind of missed the cinnamon goop, but I liked how light and airy they were. Yes. And then I do like the hardened jizz frosting. Right.

I thought it was pretty good. Yeah. And then they have like a, they have like a little bit of Christmas to them, which the cinnamon rolls don't have, which are chewier. I don't know.

What do you think of them Cinnisweeties, Mitch? I liked them. They were fun. They're not like the best version of those things that I've ever had. But they were good. They were, they were,

they were, they were, they were better than to me, than I liked them more than the classic cinnamon. Yeah. I liked everything really more than the classic, except for these little dudes.

Those were, they were a little, they were a little hard. I think, I think Nick is right. They were sitting around a little bit. And then we also like that drink. We got some beverages. I liked, I liked this.

What is this, Nick? A cookies and cream. The one you've been sipping on for a while is the Oreo cookies and cream chilada. Oh damn. It's good.

Yeah. And there was also a signature cinnamon roll chilada and then the strawberries and cream chilada were the three of them we tried. It looks like they come in one flight, one size,

which is just like a gigantic, huge, like super size. Too big. Nicole looked at me, she's thought this was way too sweet. The cookies and cream, the Oreo cookies and cream.

Yeah. It was a little too sweet, but I did like the sip with the cookie at the top, the cookie at the top, and then the whipped cream was, it was a nice sip, a little too sweet for me.

The cinnamon one again was like drinking a liquefied Cinnabon. I kind of like that one. It was a little, a little too sweet for me. Yeah. And then the strawberry one had chunks of strawberry.

Nobody ever wants that. Yeah. These were, these are huge. And then they're, they're basically, they're a lot like a Starbucks sweet drink,

but just with like a lot more sauce, I would say. They're so much like, they're, yeah, it's weird because they're, these are like milkshakes. They really are very shaky. It's a shake.

It's like, it's the fact that it's like a cool, like, what do they call them? Chilada. What is a chilada? I think it's an invented term. It's a,

it's a thing they made up. It's a blended ice drink. I guess so. Yeah. These are milkshakes. And I liked the Oreo cookies and cream one, sweet milkshake.

And I like something like that. And I'm like, I couldn't drink a whole thing at that. It's insane. Yeah. I mean, they should have a smaller size

or I guess just everything here is expected to be shared. But I will say of the three of them, I agree with you, the strawberries, it was just like, what's the point of this?

I mean, I'll say for each of them, each of them did the thing they were supposed to do very well. No, that's true. They all tasted like what they were supposed to taste

like. They fit that expectation. But that was, what was the strawberry and strawberry what? Blended. Strawberry Chilada. Oh, strawberry.

It was like, but it was like, it felt like strawberry shortcake or so. It was like so insane. It was like a sweet cream that they had. Yeah.

That one truly was not for me. I didn't like the strawberry goop in it. I didn't like the hunks of strawberry. Truly every sip of that was awful. My favorite was

the cinnamon roll one. The Oreo one, I agree is very good. I think just maybe I'm less into consuming Oreos in that liquefied fashion these days.

But I would just say these days. Yeah. I used to like an Oreo, I used to like an Oreo Blizzard or an Oreo McFlurry, but these days I don't get it as often.

Really? Yeah. Oh, I do love a McFlurry. Yeah. If you get a good, I mean the, the problem with McFlurry, a lot of times that machine

is broken. Oh, it's always broken. Yeah. But if it's not broken, that's a great sweet treat. You know what? The one, the one time I ran a

marathon in my life. You ran a whole marathon? I ran the LA Marathon in 2002. That was a long time ago. So, or maybe 2003, I was not prepared for it. Just my feet were just like.

Your toenails fall off. Mine didn't fall off. But my, but my feet were just like black and blue. It was awful. But I went from the marathon course and I went to

the McDonald's, the McDonald's right by where I live these days. And, Hey, might as well get the calories are still burning baby. Got myself a,

a Big Mac Super size with a Coke. And then I also got myself a, an M&M McFlurry. And man, that was one of the most satisfied meals I've ever

eaten in my life. Did you eat all of it? I ate all that shit. I had a McFlurry. I didn't realize that there was a spoon in there and I thought it was a big straw.

Right. So I spent, I don't know, 10 minutes to suck up the McFlurry. Not an uncommon mistake. And then I was like, Oh no,

I'm a fucking idiot. It's deceptive. It's got a hole in it. And it's for the machine, but it looks like it's a straw. Hey, why not let you suck through

that thing? I agree. It should be a straw. A straw. Spoon hybrid. Yeah. Ronald, if you're.

A straw. I couldn't say it. Yeah. Ronald, make my dreams come true. And fix the fucking machines. Yeah. Get those machines.

Yeah. Why are they always broken? I don't know. Hamburger. Or maybe it's Grimm has taken a seat on him. Hey, if you out there,

McDonald's past or a present employee who has an idea of why those McFlurry machines are always broken, hashtag McFlurry, McMystery. Listen. God damn it.

You know, the answer is, we don't want to make them. Right. It's a pain in the ass. A pain in the ass. Yeah. It's like when a bartender is

like, you're like, hey, can I get a slow gin fizz? You're like, I'm on a slow gin. It's like, yeah, you just don't want to make it. Dustin is raising his hand. Go ahead, Dustin. Sorry.

It's so professional. I would never interrupt a podcast. Please. Dustin, you used to work at McDonald's, right? Get it on Mitch's mic.

Until I was 23 years old, the reason is there's a foot pedal and it's because you're supposed to lightly, if you look at the end of the spoon, there's a little tab, right? Yes.

But the kids push up, they push it as hard as they can. Yeah. And then they, so it's, well, I'm sorry, not just kids that work there, but the employees push up too

hard. Less experienced employees. Yes. And then they, they, they aren't gentle enough with the McFlurry machine. And it breaks the machine.

Operator error. Interesting. Wow. The mystery solved. The mystery solved. Right in the, Yeah. Forget about that hashtag.

Or if you disagree with them, what's a good hashtag for that? If you disagree with Dustin, hashtag Dustin dust up. You know what? You're on fire today. Truly. You are.

We're doing our best. Okay. So let's, let's get to our final thoughts on Cinnabon. Oh, here's all I was going to say about the drinks real quick.

I would rather have a cup of coffee than have the, like I'd rather have some sort of or a glass of milk than have this super sweet drink. If I'm going to have something as sweet as the Cinnabon anyway.

I think that this drink has made me, you know, a little bit of a rush that I'm feeling more so than this. They were all so overwhelmingly sweet. They're super.

I can't imagine the, how many grams of sugar in that. Oh yeah. Look that up. It's probably, I bet it's more than the Cinnabon. I'll look that up real quick. While I'm doing that,

let's get to our final thoughts on Cinnabon. So Nicole, you've done the show before, but just a reminder, we'll go around. We'll give our closing argument, if you will,

and then ascribe a rating for this chain on the order of zero to five forks. We will begin with you. Oh no. Wait, I have to say what I like the best. Honestly,

I wasn't listening. I'm so sorry. That's okay. You're not alone among our listeners. You wrap, you give your wrap up thoughts, and then you rank it on one to five forks.

You've done this damn show before. Yeah. Just like, say whether it was what you liked, what you disliked, and then give it a rating. I'm sorry. You were looking at,

you were looking at my Google, this Google, what is this? You have a Google Home Mini. Google Home Mini. It's still wrapped. It came free. I got a,

a Nest Protect. So don't even try to fuck with my house. A Nest Protect? Yeah. And a Nest Camera. So what is that? Yeah. Nest is,

don't worry about it. You're saying gibberish, Mitch. It's a home security thing. You got a home security system for this place? With a camera to look at the cats mostly. Anyways, but also it is, it is a security system,

and I will catch you, you fucking thieves. Anyways, but you keep giving out your address. No, I've never, I've never given the address ever. Then how are people,

and I'm not going home for Christmas. You said earlier, you said earlier. This, you're contradicting yourself and waking at me. Quiet. So quiet.

You didn't say earlier, you give out your address. Weigert, you're going to be out of your house too. Weigert's staying here while I'm gone. Yeah. I don't, I don't leave the city.

Why would I? Yes, I get it. Okay. So I got a free Google Home Mini, but anyways, you were looking at it when we were just telling you what to do.

Okay. The only thing it says on it is Google Home Mini. No. Okay. On this side, weemo, what the fuck is that?

Weemo. I don't know. It's funny. And then Chromecast, Google Photos, Spotify, Netflix,

YouTube. And I was like, all this happens from this thing and I don't know what it is. It's a speaker. Truly, I don't know what it is. I got it.

It came with it. It's like an Amazon Echo, I think. I think you ask it questions and then it gives answers. So if you were like, well, what's the deal with Hanukkah?

It would give a semi-coherent answer based on a big deal. That's why I refuse to get in. But also our phones listen to us all the time. That's true.

It's upsetting. Also, I won't do 23andMe because I feel like they're just collecting data and I don't know what they're going to do with it. Oh, I want to do 23andMe. That's a DNA test.

Is that how it works? Yes. Okay. Someone told me that because I had four wisdom teeth that are more of like a Neanderthal. That was the reason they gave you?

Because like, if you have less wisdom teeth you're like less of like, I think I'm more of a Neanderthal. So wait, do you have all your wisdom teeth? No, I got them all taken up but I had four.

I think I have like six. You don't have six wisdom teeth. I don't know. I think I did. You didn't. Maybe not. You absolutely,

no, you only get four. You don't have extra teeth. I think I did. You don't have extra teeth. That's true. Stop yelling at me. I don't have extra teeth. You don't have extra teeth.

I think I had extra teeth. Do you have your wisdom teeth? I got them taken out. I still have mine. It hasn't affected your jawline or anything? I don't think so. Some people,

I think they just come in clean. For me, my dentist was like, oh, that's going to be a bad situation. So we got them out like, well, before they'd come in. I don't think mine came in. Sometimes they don't.

Sometimes you can get lucky. So I'm not a Neanderthal? Yeah, I am very close to Neanderthal. I guess. I'm just elating. Yeah. I want to do 23 of me. Hold on a second.

Don't do it. Oh, if this is plugged in, they're just going to hear me. It's going to listen to you. Yeah. And it will be like, I love you, Wally, and I'll be kissing the cat.

It won't matter at all. Right. What does Google going to do with that information? I don't know. Sell you cat shit? Yeah. That's good.

I want to buy it. So I don't care. I'm going to plug it in. All right. I really like Cinnabon. My favorite thing was the center of the roll. I like the center of the roll

with the nuts on it too, because I like the crunch. I didn't like the classic one, even though I might eat more of it. I give this four forks. Yeah. Good score. I think it's like a nice dessert.

Yeah. That like if you're with a loved one in a mall, that you should enjoy together. Yeah. I mean, when I get a boyfriend one day, I'm going to take him to the again Glendale Galleria

and we're going to get Cinnabon and we're going to eat it and then we're going to fuck in front of a limited two. This is your dreams in the area. Just like on a bench and a view of everyone. Yeah.

Or maybe I'll just like an ambercrombie or something. Yeah. Well, I hope that that dream comes true. Thank you, Mitch. I think that you should go with it. He should take you out to a nice dinner. Yeah.

I think you can go someplace nicer than Cinnabon and maybe not have sex in a public place. So Red Lobster. Red Lobster. Yeah, there you go. I fucking love Red Lobster.

Mm-hmm. We went back recently. It's always a treat. Did you? We did. We were there for the shrimp off. So we had the great shrimp off. Fucking blew it.

It's a great shrimp off. What do you mean you blew it? Hey, Nick, he ordered a side salad. No, you ordered a soup. I had a soup. Motherfucker. I got full on shrimp. Look, I told you in advance.

I know you were dead set on. I don't want to re-litigate this. But you were dead set on doing an eating contest. I told you I'm not. I don't have a big appetite. I go to a buffet. I get full off of one plate. I'm a one-pump chump for food.

Mm-hmm. I get full dirt. And another area. No, I'm, hey, you know, you got... If we just want to say, hey, no, I'm good at that. I can, hey, I can... That's not a liability as far as I'm concerned. He's got a wife who hasn't left him.

He's doing okay. I can TCB in that department. Let me tell you, mister. God, I can TCB in that department. Let me tell you, mister. It was a great sentence. I don't know why you repeated it. It was perfect.

You needed no adjustment. But I told you I get full very fast, and I was going to be a liability in this food contest. I feel like I did my best. You think I didn't get put out my best effort. No. But we were going to be loose anyway, because Hayes and Sean are animals.

All right, fine. Nick, you give us your thoughts now. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, I'm happy to do that. I agree with Nicole that this is a great dessert place. And, you know, as we say on the podcast, part of the thesis statement here is,

the mission that we're trying to achieve is, does this place accomplish what it's set out to do? Like, does this chain live up to its stated potential? And I feel like Cinnabon is trying to do one thing. They're trying to serve you fresh baked sweet treats, and they do it pretty well. This stuff is absurdly unhealthy. It is so bad for you.

This should be, like, a twice a year thing that you have. I would say if you're going to go for the indulgence, go all the way and get that center of the roll, because I think it's just a better version of that classic roll, unless you have some sort of nostalgia attached to the classic roll, and that's, like, specifically what you're craving. I feel like the center of the roll is going to do a better job of it. I think it's easier to eat less of it,

because they're in little chunks, and I think it'll just be the best part of it. So why not just go all the way? The Oreo Cookies and Cream Chilada, the one you've been sucking on, Mitch, I looked up the nutrition information. 1,090 calories, 108 grams of sugar.

Wow. So it is, you know, this stuff is terrible for you. So that's going to kill you. It's very, very bad for you. That's bad. And you went over your diet, because you said you wanted to do 90 grams of sugar. I went too far.

Oh, no. Mitch, you got to pull it back. I didn't drink all of that, but I did probably drink half of it. Yeah. You definitely did, because I had, like, two sips. Oops.

It's okay. Listen. Listen. What? Listen. How are you going to comfort me? Listen, you're living your best life. No regrets.

It's not even true. You are living your best life. Look at you. You're doing well. You have a podcast. Tell me how many people can say they have a podcast? Everyone on earth. Like eight out of ten people at this point.

And now a good, now you know how good people are doing it. I know that's what, that was honestly like the thing. We knew we were going to be in trouble when, when people like Nicole Byers started starting podcasts, because it'd be like, okay, now talented people are getting into the game.

Talented people. We've got some real competition. All of our friends who do podcasts, they're better, they're good, and they're better than us at it. Right, right. So it's over. Whatever.

Whatever. What are you going to do? I'll tell you. It was a fun bubble wall. I think I told you while you weren't recording, I dated a guy who loved your podcast. Actually, I've been on dates with two people who loved your podcast.

Man. I like it that you should. But one man smelled like a dish rag. It sounds like a lot of our listeners. Yeah, that's what they were talking about. It didn't smell good. I couldn't believe how bad he smelled, but he said such nice things about you guys.

Oh, that's nice. Was it, was it dish rag Daryl? Dimebag Daryl's younger brother. It was dish. It was dish rag Daryl. Wow. I like the hot glaze on Cinnabon. Yeah.

We know you've talked about white glaze. Maybe some hot glaze is going to come out when I'm eating this. Oh, what the fuck? Four forks. This place does what it's supposed to do. It's great. Why not?

Go ahead, Mitch. Bahumbug, I guess. What? Look, I like, I like, I think what they, you know, they're doing what they do and they're doing it well. That's true. So I feel bad giving this thing,

but here's the other, here's the other point. It feels a little stuck in the 90s. It feels like that's true. It feels a little bit like it does just a few things and they're good, but I don't know. I mean, I also don't love cinnamon rolls. So I feel like this is maybe a little bit unfair,

but they do what they do. They do it well. It just isn't over the top for me. It just, they don't do enough. It's just, it's just too simple. I don't know. And it feels just kind of like, it feels like one of these places that maybe like

should just go away to me in some, in some ways. That being said, that being something that's unhealthy, it has to be worth it. Yeah. That being said, I don't love, love cinnamon rolls, but you know,

I do like the fact that they're like kind of like, like it feels kind of like a holiday treat, even though we are close to the holiday. So that's probably why like, but you don't want a Cinnabon like, do you want this in mid-July? You know what I'm saying? If it's, I mean,

if it's a super hot day and you're at an outdoor mall, probably not. Yeah. I don't know. But if you're an indoor mall with your new boyfriend, you get that AC going.

Yeah. I would eat it. But I can't deny that I enjoyed a lot of, a lot of the stuff we ate. It's very sweet. It's very not good for you. Super sweet.

But, but it still does its good job. So I'm going to have to go three in a third forks. Three in a third forks. So you're like, you're saying like a one-tine on a three-tined fork.

That's right. Like an oyster fork. Wow. Yep. Three in a third. I'm sorry. I took it out of the golden plate club. I don't like it.

Hey, you know what? I don't have a personal steak in Cinnabon getting in the golden plate club. It's got to earn it. So maybe some people will be mad at me. I don't know. I don't think they'll be mad at you. I think they shouldn't be mad at you

because you said what was in your heart. Thank you. And that reflected what went in your stomach. Thank you. And I think that's the goal of this podcast. What a nice end of the year thing to say.

That was sweet. We had a contentious end of the year episode last time. That's right. And this time I feel like things are maybe going a little better for us. It's going a little bit better. So, you know,

we're always going to feud a little bit, but I think this is, I think this is all right. All right. That was our review of Cinnabon. Now it's over a regular segment. Maybe you and I should get in front of a limited, too. You want me to

What a top and who at bottom? I think I think you at bottom. Yeah, I think I, I mean, come on. Look at me. I look like a mattress. I think we'd figure out a way to both bottom.

All right. Okay. This is what Okay. This is a filthy episode. We have a new employee and I am just constantly feeling bad. It really,

the show is normally, I mean, it's normally bad, but it's normally not this filthy. This filthy. Sorry about it, guys. It's me. We know we're good. We love it.

Okay. So we got a food set. We're going to decide if it's worth putting your mouth and snack or whack. And hey, Mitch, we got these. You pick these up for us.

Doritos crunch nuts. Doritos crunch nuts. Everyone's talking about these. I'm going to get myself a few of them. Crunch mix. I have not had any of these. Where's the, where's the cool one?

The one that I started. Look, here's the truth. One I started to eat on my own. Oh, there's another one. Yeah. There's still some stuff. There's still some in there. Let me track it down.

Did it get thrown out or did you put it aside? Okay. Then there's a cool ranch. So basically there's, there's the nacho cheese and that's the nuts. So it's nuts

that are covered with like peanuts. Peanuts that are covered with a Doritos shell, basically. And then here's some mix. I've tried them. So you guys can just try them,

Nick. And so there's a cool ranch variety. So the mix have, the regular nuts, just have the nuts, which is the peanuts with the crunch.

And then the mix has like pretzels and like a few like, like sticks in there. Right. Oh, it says on the back. Nick, can you read the back of that? You got to grab the other one.

Crunch nut, pretzel bite, puff, 3d triangle, corn stick. There we go. And so this is the cool ranch version. And then there's a nacho cheese version.

I will say the powder that coats the exterior of these nuts at least is very, it looks very much like Doritos powder. I mean, of course it's just Doritos powder. That's just what it would be.

Will you hand me one of those Cinnabon containers so I can use it as a, yeah, that's great. Thank you. Man, this is such a, I mean, we're using leftover Cinnabon containers as holders for Doritos nuts.

We're reusing. That's a good thing. No, it's good to reuse and recycle. But I am just saying it's very, in one sense, it's very bleak what we're doing right now. All right, I'm going to have some

of these. Nicole, are you a Doritos fan? Oh, I love Doritos. Me too. Not cool ranch. I don't like cool ranch. I like classic nacho cheese. I just had some of the nacho

cheese nuts. I would say nacho cheese is my favorite. I like cool ranch a lot, but nacho cheese is definitely, I feel like that's the Doritos color. They obviously, the Doritos did

a very, very good job translating the formula to their Taco Bell Doritos Locos shell. I mean, that's the gold standard in terms of Franken foods. But the, these nuts are a little bit, I'm not sure if it works in quite the same way.

Like it's very peanuty and you aren't getting as much of the powder component. I don't know if it's just like a ratio thing or what it is. I think they need to dust and then like dust again. Or figure out like a double dusting

or a way to double coat these because it is too much peanut. Yeah. The mix is better, at least on the nacho cheese. I've only tasted the nacho cheese ones at this point. But I mean, then you're basically

just getting like, why not just have some Doritos as part of a conventional snack mix? Why not just make Texas Doritos? I feel like, what was it, what was the, what was the, what was the mixed up, the stuff that had Doritos in it and

Fritos. What were they called? Oh, what are you, yes, I know what you're talking about. Munchies. Munchies. That's it, munchies. I feel like those are a better

version of this. I'd rather have munchies than the crunch nuts mix. These are not for me. Peanut, peanut, the taste of a peanut is too strong. Yes. It's just too strong.

It's like they're trying to mask it, but you can't. Right, just give me a regular peanut or give me like a honey roasted. I do love a honey roasted peanut. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, these are not for me.

I think the mixed version is better. I think honestly, as much as I like nacho cheese and the cool ranch is a better fit for the nuts, but I think probably the best one I've had of these four is the nacho cheese mix.

Are there any of these that stand out above others, Nicole? Are they all kind of the same level? I can do the cool ranch nut. I think that's okay. The nacho cheese nut is not. That one's bad.

It's not. It's not enough nacho dust for me. Yeah, it doesn't work. And I put something in my mouth that I was okay with, but I don't know what it was. Oh, the 3D triangle.

Oh, yes. Let me get a 3D triangle. Oh, that one was in sauce. Thank you. But I mean, then at that point, that's just like a classic chip, right? Mm-hmm.

So what you're enjoying there is just like a Dorito. Yeah, I just wanted Dorito. I think eating these makes me just want a bag of Doritos. I agree. 100% agree. And if that's what they're after,

hey, they're succeeding, but I don't think it's what they're after. I think they're trying to start a spin-off product. You know, a noble effort, Doritos. I like that you're pushing the envelope, but for me... I like that they're taking a Taco Bell

stance on this stuff. Yeah, they're trying to push the boundaries. Yeah, try it. Some experiments aren't going to work. I don't think this one quite works out. This is a whack for me. I think I speak for the table unless anyone wants to object.

I'll give it a snack. You give it a snack. Yeah, I eat these. I don't give a shit. They're worse than... They're worse than munchies. They're worse than Doritos, but I still like them.

No, you don't. You don't like them. I do. You're eating them because they're in front of you. You don't like them. Take it back. You don't like them.

I don't like them. You don't like them. I don't like them. Whack. I don't like them. It's a whack. Nick, you hear me? It's a whack.

I'm glad. I'm glad you would... I bullied him into it. I bullied you into the correct choice. You've done this to me before, I feel like. Probably. Yeah, these are not for me. Yeah, these are not for you.

I don't know. They're not good. They're not great. They're not great. There are better snacks out there. There are so many snack options. Yes. Even in the Doritos sector, you can do better than this.

Soft snack for me. You're back to soft snack? Soft snack. Come on, man. You already made the correct choice. Be on the right side of history. All right. Fine.

Soft whack. Soft whack. Hey, sounds familiar. Some Mike Mitchell ones. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. I've heard of it.

I've heard of it. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. Some Mike Mitchell special. You're on fire in this episode. We're having fun.

We're having fun. We're having lots of fun. That was sacrilegious. It's not me. I'm angry. Just like... Well, stop eating the shitty fucking Doritos thing. Yeah, that's not gonna help.

I'll submit you're eating it like someone's gonna take it away from you. You need a proper meal. We need to get you a proper meal. It is true. I need a meal. You need to get yourself a healthy protein and a vegetable after this. How about a ham sandwich? There you go.

I'm not gonna eat a ham sandwich and this healthy protein shit. I know what you're trying to pull. Go get like a rotisserie chicken and some spinach or something. Just get something like nutritious. I feel like that would do you a hell of a lot of good after this day where you... I gotta go see the last Jetta. I'm gonna eat some popcorn and a soda. Mitch!

You gotta eat... Eat a dinner. Just eat a dinner. As you lick your little fingies, you gotta eat real dinner. I'm gonna go to last Jetta and get myself a popcorn. You gotta have a soda and a popcorn for the Star Wars movie. I still think you should eat a dinner. You can eat a dinner.

I'll eat some pizza on the way or something. Car pizza on the way to the movie. Yeah, I don't eat car pizza. Where are you... Where are you gonna go see it? Universal City Walk. Hey, that's fun. So eat dinner at like Bubba Gump.

There you go. Maybe I will. There's no time. This damn podcast. I said to be there at 9.30. Oh Jesus. I don't know about your feedback. Let's open up the feedback.

Daisy Mill comes on us from Pitsburg. Mark writes, When I was in college, I once went to a nice French restaurant for dinner. Having never been to a nice French restaurant before, I didn't know the menu. And looking over the list of appetizers, I thought a crab bisque sounded good. Apparently, my date had never been to a nice restaurant either because she also agreed it sounded good when we decided to split the bisque. Both of us assumed this was some sort of crab dip.

So the waiter asked, What do you mean you want to split a bisque? We replied that we wanted to split it. So he put it in the middle of the table and we'd go from there. Of course, a few minutes later, we were stunned to discover we'd have to awkwardly reach to the middle of the table with two separate spoons to slurp down a soup. I have shared soup before. It is.

It is very awkward. Gross weird. Yeah. But the question that this long prologue leads into is from Mark. What's the most awkward food order moment you've had on a date? Nicole, anything come to mind? Hmm. Weird food stuff.

I will say that on my first order, on my first date with Natalie, we went to a very shitty like little restaurant that slash bar that's now closed that was near the movie theater that we were going to see. Wow, cool. Yeah, I know. Good job, Wiger. I didn't plan it out well. And I also took her to the wrong movie.

I fucked it up in a number of ways. But in any event, like, I looked at the wrong theater on the website or whatever and said, I took her to the wrong place. In any event, it could have been a, it's not like a charming story. I just fucked up. But I got like spaghetti and I was like, this is, I was like, this is a faux pas. I knew as I was ordering it, I was like, I should not get spaghetti on a date. And I got spaghetti and it was just a sloppy mess and I just looked like an idiot.

But she had no problem with it. So that worked out. She liked what she saw. Yeah. Where did you meet? We met at, so we actually have a history together where we knew each other in middle school and high school, went to separate colleges, reconnected after college at a friend's birthday party.

And we're like, hey, we've known each other for all this time. And Natalie's like, I exhausted my search through a high school and a college. I guess I'll go with this fucking guy. This'll do. Yeah. That's romantic. I like that. Kind of worked out.

Let's see. I mean, it worked out for me. You know what? I don't have a food ordering moment though. I will say like anytime I order something and I don't want to look like a fat guy. Yeah. That's a big thing on a date. I don't want to look like a fat guy.

But I will say an awkward moment recently is when I went to eat somewhere recently within the last few months, went to eat somewhere and was in a booth. And there was two sides of the booth. I was like, I'm not going to fit well on that side of the booth. And I got on the other side of the booth and I felt like I was stuck in the booth basically on this entire date. That's tough. I felt like I was wearing the booth.

That's why I don't sit in booths. Booths suck. Especially like, okay. Get out. Get a roomy booth. Walk into a restaurant and then a hostess seats a fat person at a booth. I think it's to laugh at them. Yeah.

I think they're like, Tee hee hee. Will they get out? Yeah. And you know what? Make a fucking bigger booth at your shitty fucking restaurant. Honestly, they should be more accommodating to different sizes I feel like in this day and age. Yeah.

It's gotten worse. I think in LA it has gotten worse. It's weird. I feel like they're shaming you to lose weight at restaurants. Yeah. I can see that. I mean, I think it's maybe subtle. It's maybe like not intentional, but I think there is probably an element of like, oh,

we'll have like these, these hips sort of tight spaces like, you know, they're not very accommodating. I agree with that. I like that. My doctor says I'm the smallest I can be. Wait, really? Yeah. Yeah.

He says it all the time. Who is your doctor? Is it a lab person? It's Irma wearing a lab coat and a stethoscope. Yeah. Dr. Irma. She's great. I don't think I've ever ordered anything awkward on a date, but I eat straight, I eat with

my fingers. Oh, okay. So sometimes I have to stop myself and be like, sorry, I eat like a child. Man, I was on a date and I had a, I had a bathroom issue. Oh boy. Oh no. That was the worst. And like I ate a little bit and I was like, oh my God, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Yeah. And I went to the bathroom and I came back and I told her that I threw up because I was too embarrassed to say that I was shitting that I was shitting. Well, I'd rather say that I was throwing up that's probably the better way to handle it. I don't know. If I was on a date with a dude, he went to the bathroom and he was like, I took a monster dump.

I'm going to marry this man. I just think it'd be very funny that like you felt so comfortable to tell me that. Right. I don't know. I think you should tell women when you're taking dumps. Yeah. Don't, please don't. Don't.

It probably makes things easier to, you know, that you, yeah, you'll be very comfortable right away. Right. Yeah. But I was like, I came back and was like probably sweating. I was like, oh, I threw up. Okay. This already sucks.

Out of my butt. I was on Akins and I was on a date and I ordered chicken, bacon and like melted cheese on it. And he was like, what a weird order. And then like kept harping on it. And I was like, this feels not fun. Oh boy. Mm hmm. That is weird.

Mm hmm. Was he like nagging you? Was that the whole thing? Was he trying to be like, get under your skin? Nicole, if you don't know, nagging is a move us guys make sometimes. But it doesn't feel good. It's me. Oh, but we love it.

I've never, every person who's ever told me that they use like pick up artist stuff. Yeah. The biggest loser I've ever met in my life. But like maybe it was. Except for someone who's out there who's cool. Who does it? I don't know. I might be a listener who does it.

And he's enjoyed it. Like your fingers some more. Yeah. I know. I got a wall. I was going to put them under the. How did they get so fucking orange? I was going to maybe think that it could be a Wallier Irma treat.

Ew. God, really? Ew. You leave food on your fingers for your cats? That was a joke. Okay. I don't know. I don't think it was a joke.

You fuckers. It was a joke. No. I think you're giving your finger feeding Doritos dust to your cats. No, I'm not. Because it's a regular thing in the Mitchell household. Don't finger feed your cats. Don't finger feed your cats.

Don't finger feed your cats. I don't. Doritos dust? I don't finger feed my fucking cats. All right. Finger feed cats is very, just very funny to think of. I don't finger, I don't do anything with, I don't finger. What do you finger, Mitch?

I don't finger them in any way. I don't finger anything. What do you finger? I don't finger. You don't finger anything? I don't finger a thing. You got to start fingering things. No, I'm done fingering.

You got to finger. It's your 2018 resolution. 2018 resolution. I'm done. I'm done fingering. Finger stuff is over with. Well, lick your finger. And you're fingering your mouth.

Oh, God. That was grosser than giving it to the fucking cat. Anyways, Nick, what a shitty year it's been. Yeah. Quite a shitty year. You know what? I thought 2017 was going to be good because 2016 was particularly hard. It was worse.

Well, you know what? I'm positive. I'm a positive man. You think 2018 there's hope. I think 2018 is going to turn around. I think it's going to be good. I think it might be worse. I think it's just going to get worse.

The next three years are going to be awful. No, no, no, no. I think things are going to turn. I think things are going to turn around. I think there's going to be, I think I get to have a positive attitude. It's been a rough slide here for me for the last six or so years. Yeah. I got to think that things are going to turn around for Christ's sake.

Maybe for you personally, it'll be better. But I think our country as a whole is going to be a rough three years. Or maybe a rough seven years. Dear God, we got to leave him on a positive note. It's the last episode of the year. You were, I will say you were, cause we had you on before. One of the times we had you on, maybe the first time we had you on was before the 2016 election and you were just like, Trump is going to win.

And I remember being like, no, there's no way. And you, you just believed it all the way. And you ended up being right. I mean, yeah. Wow. Bleak. It's bleak. Times are bleak here.

Well, also I think he might win a reelection. Yeah. He might. People are like, no, how could he? I'm like, well, how did he win this time? People will come out outside of politics, outside of politics, which is a big part of the world. Right.

Yeah. Things are going to be good. Good for everybody. There you go. That may be some things. Because net neutrality is done. And we're going to be charged all a cart for fucking internet. Yeah.

You might have to pay an extra 4.99 a month just to get access to a broadband line to download dough boys. Oh, it's fucking over. It's over. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doughboyspodcast.gmail.com to get the dough boys double or weekly bonus episode. You can subscribe at patreon.com slash dough boys. This is the final dough boys of the year, but we got a dough boys double coming out next

week. And we've got all of January is Star Wars month. We've got a bunch of Star Wars content coming on the dough boys double. So set up on Patreon. They fixed that fee thing. That's not going to be an issue. If that was something that was holding you up, Nicole buyer, thank you so much for joining us.

You're one of the funniest people around the podcast. Why won't you date me on head gum? Listen to that. Instead of dough boys. No. Listen to both. All right. Listen to both.

Fine. Listen to both. You're going to listen to both and then you're going to unsubscribe from dough boys. So whatever. Either way, either way, check this podcast out. One of the very funniest people around. Thank you so much for joining us. Happy 27.

Happy. Merry. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa.

Joyful Kwanzaa. Joyful Kwanzaa. Happy holidays. We've Nick. We've hit everything. Happy New Year. Happy Feast of Winter Veil. Oh, fuck this.

All right. Just end the episode now. Wait. Do you have any plugs, Nicole? Did you say anything? My podcast, why won't you date me is on head gum and it drops on Fridays. New. Loosely exactly.

Nicole, which is now on Facebook. It wasn't MTV, but it got canceled. Now it's on Facebook. The new season is December 20th and that's it. Check them all out. That'll do it for this episode of Dough Boys until 2018 for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weigar. Happy eating.

See ya. Feral audio.