Doughboys - Coca-Cola Freestyle with Chris Gethard

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

Chris Gethard (Beautiful Anonymous, The Chris Gethard Show) joins the 'boys to talk New Jersey eats and all things soda before a breakdown of the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine. Plus, a special edition of Slop Quiz.Sources for this week's intro:http://www.jimpinto.com/hot-tech/kamentech.htmlhttps://www.wral.com/news/local/story/143362/https://www.businessinsider.com/the-rise-and-fall-of-the-segway-cops-and-tourists-2020-6https://www.fastcompany.com/90517971/exclusive-segway-the-most-hyped-invention-since-the-macintosh-to-end-productionhttps://probiotic.com/2018/12/bargaining-for-clean-water-kamen-and-coke/https://www.coca-colacompany.com/au/news/slingshot-inventor-dean-kamens-revolutionary-clean-water-machinehttps://www.fastcompany.com/1446287/inside-cokes-freestyle-soda-fountainhttps://www.seriouseats.com/soda-we-try-all-100-flavors-from-the-coke-freestyle-machineWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, everybody? It's your boy, The Spoon Man, and I want to talk to you about today's sponsor, UberEats. At UberEats, we've helped more than 400,000 restaurants across the U.S. reach new, hungry customers and deliver growth quickly through new orders. Uber's global platform can help you grow, reach new people, get valuable sales data, and unlock ways to expand with flexible delivery options. Put your business on UberEats. Get access to the UberEats platform, including valuable sales data to grow your business.

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Coming up today, that link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click, or if you're on your phone, use your finger and click that link. Click that link in the episode description. Well-known technology leaders who have seen it claim the invention is more significant

than the internet or the PC. This is from a January 2001 piece about a mysterious device then called IT, or IT, created by Dean Cayman, a virtuosic inventor whose previous patents included the automated insulin pump. With tech impresario Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos serving as investors and advocates, IT was pitched as poised to transform the world, with cities redesigned around it, and Cayman on track to become the wealthiest man on earth. Today, it's difficult to convey exactly how much hype surrounded IT, and just how deflated

the public was by the ultimate reveal. IT, or IT, was in fact the individual transport, a motorized scooter marketed to the public as the Segway. Far from its revolutionary promise, the Segway ended up as a mildly successful novelty mostly used by Dorkwad tourists, famously a visual punchline as the terrier of Paul Blart Mall Cop. But though the Segway never lived up to the impossible hype of IT, inventor Cayman continued to conceive new devices, including a water purifier targeted at the developing world,

named Slingshot. A pre-built box with the ability to filter clean water for up to 300 people per day while using quote, less electricity than a hairdryer, end quote. The ambitious device needed the know-how of a global partner to reach populations in need. And so Cayman approached the largest beverage distributor in the world, Coca-Cola. The makers of Coke and countless other beverages were intrigued, but being asshole capitalists weren't about to just help people for nothing.

So in exchange for building and distributing his next-gen water filter, Coca-Cola enlisted Cayman in the creation of their smart soda fountain, featuring a touchscreen and dozens of options. First released in 2009 and becoming a movie theater lobby staple, the Coke-Cayman deal with the devil proved a lasting hit with children and child-like adults enamored by the seemingly endless liquid sugar combinations, in fact 127 according to Sirius Eats. Today with machines in 16 countries, a new version released in 2019 and a Pepsi branded clone gaining steam, the sleek cherry red smart fountain seems here to stay.

As for the machine once called it, asserted by a new generation of smaller, app-powered rental scooters, in June of last year, the segue ended production for good. This week on Doughboys, Coca-Cola Freestyle. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, A Sniper's Dream, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Okay. A little bit of a thinker. That's a little bit of a thinker?

Cause you got a big noggin. Yeah, no shit. How is that a thinker? I think it just takes a second to me. Why would this man be a sniper's dream? And then he's like, oh, cause he's an easy target, cause he's got that lollipop form factor. This big melon sitting on top of shoulders.

You think I'm a lollipop? You think I have a lollipop form factor? Well, that was courtesy of Harry from Salisbury, England, roastspoomanageemail.com, boy, rough time. Harry, did you say Harry from England, Weig? Harry from England, wrote in, I'm, oh, I'm upset about the Euro final. I thought football was coming home. Hug, uh, I wish we had Prince Andrew right now.

We need him more there ever. I was going to go in a Harry Potter direction. I just didn't. Oh, that's good. I just didn't want to. I just didn't want to do it. Oh, I ride a broom and me wife is Meghan Markle. Oh, wait a minute.

Prince Harry, um, I think he's a piece of shit. I don't, I don't like any of the, I thought that was a fun angle. I don't like any of the Royals, uh, oh, and I also think this Harry guy is a piece of shit. Oh, got it. Wax, I'm throwing off. You downloaded a virus to my fucking laptop, so I don't know how dare you. I didn't download a virus to your laptop.

I did your podcast. How did this get played? That's right. Please come and do my podcast. Fine. Whatever. I did the podcast. You said here, download this, this emulator and then, and then today I turn on my laptop

and everything's fucking hay, everything's gone haywire. That's not the reason you downloading an emulator is not the reason your Apple, uh, OS, your Mac OS did a systems update. Those are unrelated things. I think something happened. I think, I think you downloaded a, I think you put a virus in my system. I think you, I think. I would never fucking bug chaser like via like computer viruses, a bug chaser for a computer

viruses. That's right. That's kind of a funny, that's kind of a fun cyborg angle. I haven't seen that in a dystopian sci-fi thriller. Have you, uh, as a bug chaser, have you, have you, have you caught the Delta variant yet or no? You've been searching for it. I'm trying.

I'm out there. Isn't there like an Omega now? Isn't there an Omega strain? Oh, he's frozen. His virus, look, your virus finally did you, all your bug chasing finally did you in. Yeah. He's completely frozen to me. Sadly, I, it's a tech glitch day.

I'm telling you something weird is going on. Yeah, I know. What the fuck? Mitch, you spoke it into existence. As you were talking about me being a bug chaser, trying to get some sort of cybernetic toxin. Uh, my computer, like my internet shut down. The v-man, the virus man, Ygs, you've, you're, you're, you've gotten into the system. You've corrupted the system today and like, like a lawnmower man.

You're like a lawnmower man. At one point, every phone in the, in the world will ring at once. And then when you pick up, it'll be me saying, Hey, buddy. I was going to try to jump on that joke before you could say it, but hi, buddy. Hey, Nick, is that you? I'll gladly talk to you then, uh, the phone hangs up. Just a dial tone. Yeah, I know.

I don't have time for that. Mitch, we got, we have a, we have a fantastic guest who has been waiting a lot, a long time because both of us had tech issues, but I know you have a drop to play. Let's, let's play a drop and let's get on with this nonsense. All right. To Spoon Nation. Here we go. Here's a little drop, Ygs.

We are mostly a counting podcast. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. Nice counting, Mitch. Well, there we go. Classic Sesame Street song. Classic Sesame Street song. Um, inspired by Mitch's amazing counting skills from RBS three with Larry Fong. Love you all.

Wow. Chad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Love you all. Wow. Chad from the Dosecord. Hi, Chad. Thank you, Chad. Hmm. Chad and the Virgin.

I'm the Virgin in this scenario. Yeah. We both are. Mitch, we should introduce our guest from the Chris Gethard show in the podcast, Beautiful Anonymous. His new special, Chris Gethard, Half My Life is streaming now. Chris Gethard is here. Hi, Chris.

So happy to finally be here. Um, thank you guys for having me. Can I just put something out here right away? Please. Yes, please. It is, I'm telling you this seriously. I've had many people ask me over the years, how come you ain't been on the Doe Boys, man? And I've said, I don't know.

And I've had people actually say to me, what is it about you that makes the Doe Boys so nervous? And I've had people tweet things at me where they have said, why are the Doe Boys seemingly scared of you? And I've never known the answer and I'm glad to finally be able to ask you face to face. I can answer it. One, we're afraid of everyone. Okay.

Okay. Two, you know, it's funny in the, in the, in the world of, in the world of, in the guest world, first of all, there's so many people that we haven't had on and still need to get on. There's probably, there's probably someone who was like, what the fuck? Like a, like a, like a friend, a person who, who we're friendly with, who we haven't had on, who's like, like a, like what the fuck are these two doing? You know?

You know, we haven't, you haven't had us on your pieces of shit, but with you specifically, it was more of a, a, a New York LA issue because we used to be in, we were an in person podcast for the longest time and, and, and, and we would, we would do it all in studio, but, but, but now, I mean, this is a dumb thing that we should have thought of long before COVID is that you could just fucking record over the internet. Well, yeah. And by we, you mean like all of podcasting. It's only fucking Longmore man puts his fucking bug in there and destroys everything.

We weren't unique in that. It's, I feel like every podcast I ever guested on, I was going to a physical studio and sitting down with, I was going to like studio city and sitting down with someone in a, in a recording studio. And now it's just like, well, yeah, we didn't need to do that. We obviously didn't need to do that, but just no one thought of it. And I knew in my heart that the answer was that I am located 3000 miles away from your recording facility, but it's always because I'm, I very publicly have been obsessive about

soda for many years and I really, really, so every time you guys do a soda thing is when people, that's the truth is people, I think I'd have you want to talk about soda and I'm like, well, I live in New Jersey and that makes it tough, that makes it tough. And I always understood that, but I had to give you some shit about it. Of course. Well, well, now here's the thing is that with, now that we do these things online, we're getting great guests like yourself. You got you this week pieces of shit you used to have to settle for.

It's true. These fucking zealist celebrity guests. Now next week we got, we got Hanks next week, right? Why is we got Tom Hanks? Coming in. Have you told Conor Radcliffe? He'll find out. Yeah.

He'll find out. And then we got the next week, we got Chet Hanks, so we got the Hanks twofer. That'll be fun. Warming up with Tom. Yeah. You should start with Tom. Chet. Yeah.

You are a soda, so you are a soda enthusiast. You say soda is someone from, from the East Coast. Yeah. No Colin, huh? We all say soda, right? We just never get Colin Hanks, it's just Tom and Chet. Colin passed. Colin?

The one adjacent to the comedy world? He doesn't want to come on? He doesn't eat food. Notoriously, he's not into food. He only drinks Soylent. No opinions on food whatsoever. Why? Because you were interested in Soylent for a while, right?

And then you found out that it wasn't people and you, and you were like, no, thank you. All right. I, you know, I've honestly never understood, and, and Chris, maybe you'll have an opinion on this. Soylent is the appeal of Soylent because for me, like eating and drinking is one of life's great joys. And what, like why deprive yourself of a meal just for pure, like, you know, liquid sustenance? Why not just if you're, even if you're going to like, I want to eat healthy, just eat a

healthy meal that tastes good. Why do you have to drink this fucking goop? I don't know. Chris, have you ever messed around with, with Soylent or anything? I know one person in my life who did Soylent for a while, um, he's a comedian. I bet a lot of people have. My friend Julio Torres was drinking Soylent for a while and we used to work together, which I feel like if you know Julio and his vibe and his work, you're like, okay, that

actually makes sense. Cause you're sort of like a, you're, you're almost like an ethereal being from a different world. Um, but yeah, for me, I went, I mean, I, I went vegetarian and that was, that was hard. That felt limiting. So I can't imagine only limiting myself to like semi-flavorless milkshakes. Right. Yeah.

Are you still vegetarian? I am. I am. I stopped eating red meat because of my stomach and then, uh, if I felt so much better and then I was down to just seafood and I love seafood, but my, my wife's been vegetarian for 30 years. So I wasn't going to cook fish around the house and like stick up the house with fish. I would only get it at restaurants.

So then after the quarantine, the pandemic went on for so long that I was like, oh, I haven't eaten an animal in like a year and change. I guess I just want anymore. So I am a vegetarian now. Wow. Wow. I went vegetarian this, this year in 2021 and I've a, like, I will say that I've done pretty well adapting to not having meat.

The things I miss the most, which I've said, I've said on this podcast or just like the texture of like fried chicken, like you can't really quite replicate that. But then also like fish, as more time has passed, I was like, man, I might end up reintegrating fish into my diet because it's just the, the, the biggest issue is that the protein sources that you have available are so dull. Like I just, I'm just getting so tired of just like soy and beans, you know. Yeah. I don't know how you feel.

I, I find that beyond meat and, uh, like the beyond and impossible things been a lifesaver, especially, and I, I bet you've covered it already on the show, but the impossible whoppers pretty good. And I think the white castle and possible sliders are great. As a guy who grew up in North Jersey, when they came out with those and I said, oh, I can taste white castle again in my life, I almost wanted to cry because that's white castle to a New Jersey guy is like pretty important thing. Wow.

Why do you must like jackfruit, right? I'm just the name alone. I've had jackfruit a few times as a protein. Yeah. The texture is pretty decent. I mean, I don't actually don't know how much protein it has. I think it's more of just sort of, I think it's a little bit carby, but yeah, I agree with you.

The beyond meat is, is great. I have that, you know, I'll make like a vegan bolognese. That's, that's a nice little, you know, comfort food and then, and then possible whoppers a home run. Can I quickly ask when people say jackfruit, do you think of apple? Do you think about an apple? That's, I think of an apple. I think of cutting a hole in an apple and putting my dick in it.

That's what I think of Mitch. When someone says jackfruit. I'm not insistent on that. Just, just, just to update you, why are you fucked an apple at one point in his life? I was, when I was younger, yes. Everybody's fucked something weird. Right. Everybody's.

But Mitch, I have to say, I watched, I watched this man find his way so gracefully out of that conversation. I watched you. Pull it back. Jam your foot into that door before you could close and get that joke through. So kudos to you both, I guess. Thank you. I was very happy.

That's our dynamic. That's our, that's our magic. Wags Beyond Chicken just came out. Yes. I haven't had Beyond Chicken yet. I haven't had it yet either. I've had like a fake chicken. I can't remember what it's called.

It's not the Gardean one. There's a different brand that I've had that's, that's decent. I, I, I don't know. I mean, it's, it's, I 100% like ethically, I'm, I, the, the case for going vegetarian or vegan is, is very sound. I do feel like it, it starts to just, just as a, as a, as a, a continuing diet. It becomes to be a, it comes to be a little bit of a chore at times. And I didn't feel it as much the first few months of this year, but as the, as we passed

the half year point, I'd like get a little bored with what, with some of my options. Have you had the Gardean crabless cakes? No. Those are pretty good. That's the best seafood I have found. Wow. That's far. They got these crab cakes.

Pretty good. That's why, so fish might come back. Would you, I mean, would you, I mean, are you miss chicken? Yeah, I do miss chicken. Do you think, do you think that you'll come back with chicken? Do you think red meat's gone forever? What are you, what are you feeling now? Is it?

I feel like right now, great question, Mitch. I feel like red meat is my red line. I don't feel like I'm going back to eating red meat, especially with just like how, damaging it is ecologically, like the production of red meat. I don't think I can, I will ever fully do that, but I could see myself being like, yeah, just no red meat. And that's my diet and then minimize consuming other animal proteins. But I honestly don't know.

I'm going to, I'm going to suss that all out at year's end. But, but I do. I'll gladly, I'm going to eat red meat for the both of us. The red meat that you would have eaten. I stopped eating red meat because of my stomach issues. And I can't, I mean, I feel freedom to be a little, no offense to you fellas, classless on this show. Then I spent so much less time on the shitter when I stopped eating red meat.

It was remarkable. It was very quick. How much of my day I got back because I wasn't, because my poopies were smoother. I feel like I don't even know what you could do to be classless on this show. I don't know what level you'd have to see. Like I have no idea what level you'd have to sink to to be classless here. Wags, do you agree with that statement? Well, yeah.

I mean, we, you have Apple fucking in minute 10. So where do you go from here? Yes, you have a bunch of guys who can't figure out how computers work talking about fucking apples. I think I'm good. I think I'm good. I do want to ask, I do want to ask about White Castle. As you mentioned that White Castle we visited.

We've done only once on the podcast because it's not out here on the West coast, but it's, you're a big fan of it. Chris, I have a, I have a, I have a very, I have a, I have a big, I have a hot take with, with White Castle. And I, and I, so, but first let's hear what you think of it. And then I'll tell you my, my hot take. I just love it. I mean, look, I'm from North Jersey, which is everything is about Greece.

I mean, I think we have some of the world's greatest hot dogs. We have obviously the Taylor ham pork roll thing that everybody's heard about. We have our own type of breakfast meat here, but everything's just like Greece all the time. There's Italian hot dogs and Texas wieners, which are two types of hot dogs only found in New Jersey. So like point being, grease pit food, like Jersey diners, late night, greasy food, everything's greasy food. And it really is, um, White Castle is just truly embraced here. And it's a thing where when you're growing up, you kind of always know where the closest one is. When I went to Rutgers University, we knew, okay, South Plainfield or Edison depends on

the time of the day for traffic, which one's going to be easier to get to. And I just, I love them. I think Harold and Kumar go to White Castle is like one of the most Jersey movies of all time because of that. Like, although it's funny, you watch that movie with Jersey people and I guarantee they'll be, you'll be like, man, these guys, these fucking liars, now they're at Princeton. They wound up at Princeton and they're on a quest for White Castle. Well, weird because you had to go down route one and there's two on route one. So let's not bullshit, bullshit.

We take it pretty seriously. And I just think they're great. I think they're really great. I need, I need to try more White Castle because I haven't had a lot of White Castle in my life. My experience with White Castle, I shouldn't say I haven't had a lot of it because my experience with White Castle is the frozen White Castle burgers that you microwave. And I got to tell you, my hot take is, is that I think those are better than White Castle. So wait, you, you've only had the frozen ones, but you're saying they're better than the ones you haven't had?

I've had, I've only had the frozen ones and we did the White Castle, we went to White Castle once for the podcast. Oh, got it. And so my hot take after that was that I think the frozen microwave White Castles are better than the actual White Castle. Well, that's an insane thing to say. That's the actual opinion of the person who's either insane or just needs to be contrarian like a fucking David Spade SNL bit. Like this is, that's an insane thing to say. Look a falling star. That's, that's my David Spades SNL.

No one remembers that. He got in trouble for saying that about Eddie Murphy. Right. That's why Eddie Murphy wouldn't do the show for years. He wouldn't do the show for years. Yeah. What was the context? He, they just showed like a picture of Eddie Murphy.

He's like, look, or like, like a falling, a falling star, make a wish or something. Right. It was something along those lines. Okay. Yeah. Like sit at the weekend update desk, be super cynical Hollywood minute opinions. Right. Yeah.

I was trying to think of like what his catchphrase was in Hollywood minute. And that's all I could think of was that line basically. Just a lot of him being like, really? And it's like, and it looks, David Spade is a talented guy. I like it. I'm not slamming David Spade, but it was like, right. Like that cynical nineties comedy went away of just like, let's just be cynical as hell for the sake of it. And that's the only reason I can think that you'd try to claim a microwaved White Castle is better than off the grill.

By the way, I think that the microwave White Castles are good. Like I think that they're, I think they're like one of the best micro, I think it's maybe the only good microwave burger. Like I really, really, really like them. Can I ask what time of day you guys went to White Castle? We went in the, for like a late lunch. We basically got into New York City. We went to one, we went to a location in, wait, was it on Manhattan, Mitch? Or did we have to go just south of Penn Station?

Did you? I don't think we went to that one. I don't think so. I think we had to go to one in Brooklyn. The one in Williamsburg? Yeah, shaking your head. Yeah. Oh, I know.

It was right near the, there was an NBC show, Sunny. What was the show? Sunny, Sunny. Remember the show Sunny Vale or something or Sunny? No. It was an NBC show for like a, like a, like a, for one season. You don't remember the show. Welcome to Sunny.

And they were all the... Sunny side? Sunny side. Are you into the one on Queens Boulevard? Yes. Okay. So we went to Queens. Yes.

Cause we probably made entourage. This is Queens Boulevard jokes. I'm sure. We're hacks. As someone who lived in Queens for many years. You went to the one at the corner of 48th street in Queens Boulevard, I believe. This is great. Having a guy who knows New York maybe more than anyone that you get.

I love, I love here. Yeah. I think that is what it was. It's right by the turn off of Queens Boulevard where you're going to get on Roosevelt Avenue. That's a good white castle. I've been there many times. Across from the trains, I mean... Right next to the seven train.

Yes. Right next to the seven train. With the elevated train. Yeah. No, that's a quality white castle. So I can't, I can't sit here and pretend you didn't go to a good one. Um, there's something to be said also for like the cultural context of white castle being when you fall in love with white castle, it's going to be because it's, this is like, you

know, you've packed six guys into a five person car in high school. It's too shorty in the morning. You're high and you're drunk. Right. There's that side of white castle too. Yeah. So maybe there's some nostalgia there, but to like the microwave once better is crazy. That's crazy.

A late night. Well, I've never had like a late night white castle while drunk. We also like, we tried a lot of, we remember we did surf and turf. We did some fucked up shit. Yes. We had the surf and turf white castle. It was the, uh, it was like a breaded fish filet plus a beef patty with cheese on the same bun.

Yeah. Well then... So that's like one of the more gimmicky items. Did you have... Those were the gimmick items. Did you have just a regular slider with cheese? We got original sliders. We got, I've got...

We got impossible sliders. We got chicken and waffle sliders. We did get the impossible sliders, although they came plain. Oh, that's right. They came plain. Oh yeah. You got to get them with cheese. You got to get them with cheese.

Yeah. They, they came, they came plain. And also there was a rep from white castle in the audience that night. And basically the whole show was just being like, people were being weaned to white castle on stage. And not even, I don't even think I was that mean was I? I feel like I was, I think that just having a representative there shows you what a coward I was that I was probably like five forks.

I liked it. I need, I need more, I need, I need more time with white castle. I need more, I need, I need more experiences with white castle, which I will have at some point, I believe. White castle is also a thing. You don't necessarily eat it at the white castle. You get like a crave case and you eat it with all your college roommates. It's that type of thing.

It's that type of thing. Now, Chris, you're, you're, you're, you're a new, oh God, I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. Why? Wait a second. I mean, it just sneezed away from Mike. I don't know if that got picked up. What a, what a, a fear, a fear that, how has that never happened this in this all the time

of recorded dope boys. I've been so, I've never been so afraid that a sneeze was coming on. You sounded so scared. I knew, I knew what was happening. If people rewind to you first saying, why is I'm going to sneeze? It sounds so, you sound so scared. It's such a moment of real emotion. There's, there's, I won't say who it was, but we listened to the, the birthday boys.

We listened to someone's podcast and they sneezed on it. Actually Emma, just bleep this. Okay. It was, but we listened to a podcast in this, in this, in this person sneezed on it and we laughed about it more than anything on earth. Like it was the funniest thing that ever here is like a person being like, welcome to the show. Achoo.

Sneezing on Mike. They sneezed up top. He sneezed up top. He sneezed up top. And so, and people are going to try to find it. You'll never find it. But it's that sort of thing of, of, I've always been afraid of sneezing on Mike and it just happened to me.

Why? Cause it had never, the virus has come out of the computer and it's coming to me. Man. That's the natural progression. It's right. Anyways, Chris, I was going to say you're, you're, you're, you're a New York guy through and through and many ways I'm jealous that I never, I came straight to LA from, from upstate New York.

I didn't, I didn't go to the city. I went, I came straight here to, to, to LA. And so you, you got to know food. I was just on a Brooklyn pizza tour. Do you have, do you have favorite pizza spots? Do you got favorite spots in, in, in New York that you eat at that, that, that LA could never replicate? I mean, a lot of them obviously.

Yeah. I mean, I definitely, I, first of all, I would say I'm a Jersey guy through and through for people who know, even when I live, I lived in New York for 16 years, but I always was always a proud kind of Jersey champion, but there's definitely spots. Like, I mean, I think the famous ones are like DeFaras. That's the one everybody's heard of, cause it's this like very elderly man who makes each pie by hand right in front of you. There's Pauly G's, there's, there's a lot of, I mean, L&B Spamone Gardens is incredible,

especially for the Sicilian pie, Totonos and Staten Island is great. Totonos was closed when I went. We went to L&B, we went to DeFaras. We went to a new place, F&F Pizzeria, which was really, really great. Yes. I think Totonos, I think their thing is they just make a certain amount of dough in the morning. And when they run out of dough, they close for the day.

This is coming off of COVID and they said they were going to open up like a monthly, they had, they hadn't, they had been shut down. Yeah. But I want to go back to, to try that and Johns of Bleecker and stuff like that. And that's right. I, I, I buried, I buried you as a New York guy, just in the way that you were very, you, you were loyal to the New York comedy scene, which is, which is great. Great comedy scene for sure.

But Jersey guy, and, and you know, there was actually just a lot of fighting in the Tri-State area because a lot of people say Connecticut has the best pizza because of all the New Haven pizza, which is, which is awesome. But then I, it is good. Some publication, a national publication just said, actually Jersey has taken the crown, Jersey has the best pizza. And we do have, I mean, the Star Tavern and Orange Patsy's and Patterson, the Reservoir Tavern and Bhutan, like there's, there's great pizza all over the state of New Jersey

too. So yeah. Oh yeah. That's great. All, all the food in that area is, is fantastic, including Nick, my Boston and Pizzeria Regina, which is very good. Of course. Um, but Chris, I gotta say this too, you're also, you're, you're also a, a, a, a, I shouldn't

say a believer, but like, uh, you, you, you always talked about the weird side of New Jersey, like, uh, yeah. Well, I worked at a magazine called Weird New Jersey for many years, uh, for like half a decade of my life. So people who don't know Jersey might not know that there's a big culture here of when you're a teenager, you, you get your license, you know, as soon as your first friend gets your license, you go and you just like go to places that are haunted, abandoned. That's a very, very big and important piece of the puzzle of growing up in New Jersey

is like, you're going to break into the abandoned mental hospital, you're going to go to the devil's tree, the gates of hell, the devil's tower, Clinton road. These are all places that I'm naming where Jersey people listening are like, yep, yep, yep, been there, been there. So yeah, that's, I mean, but that kind of tells you a lot about the food culture too, because a lot of weekend nights in Jersey are like, okay, like our buddy, you know, my buddy Jeremy, his mom's letting him borrow the car for tonight. We're going to drive to Totoa because we're going to go try to see if we can get the little

people to come out of their houses at midgetville. That's right near Annie's road where there's the blood streak on the road from the girl who got killed. And then if we're going to be out on root 46 anyway, we can probably hit up the park West diner or the Versailles diner, the six brothers diner, depending on sort of which end of root 46 we end up on. And that's, that's a conversation that anybody in a certain area of North Jersey will just go like 100% standard weekend night just described and they know, they will not only know the

location of all three of those diners, but they'll know that two of them have since closed since my childhood. Wow. This, this, this is, this is, I'm a man who fears the devil and I, I, I believe in the supernatural. I believe, I believe in a lot of this stuff. Weiger makes fun of me quite a bit for, for my fear of the devil. But is there, are there any of those spots that you visited that are, that like stand

out as particularly like terrifying? Oh yeah. There's a lot. I would love nothing more than to invite you to New Jersey and we could drive around and I, and I could bring, I would love it just to places that you can supposedly summon the devil at specifically the devil's towers in Alpine, New Jersey. That's one that if you drive around it six times backwards, the devil's supposed to come out and appear the gates of hell, that one I mentioned, that's in Clifton, New Jersey.

That's like this tunnel where supposedly if you go into this tunnel and keep going down and down, you can get to hell and then of course, I mean, and then we have the Jersey devil, which is like the big one who's like the actual, you know, creature that lives in the Southern half of New Jersey. But yeah, I could, I could, we could spend a good weekend where I could scare the shit out of you. We could eat a lot of good food. I love that.

That's, that's a series. Let's plan on it. Yeah. I love the sound of that. Why? Cause I feel like if the devil, if you, you drive around six times backwards, the devil will show up and be like, Hey, buddy, we'll be back with more dough boys. You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad.

You're going to Costa Rica. That's right. Why? So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun. Gonna maybe see a monkey. Oh, that's fun. Gonna maybe see a bird.

Just that. Just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what? Having some Spanish might be helpful down there. Nice. And if you have an upcoming summer trip abroad, my go-to travel hack is Babel.

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box. Do it. Welcome back to Doughboys. We are here with our guest, Chris Getherd, noted soda enthusiasts discussing this week's topic, Coca-Cola Freestyle. This is a touchscreen soda fountain with over 160 combinations first launched in 2009. Designed Mitch by an Italian automotive design firm called Pininfarina. You're trying to get my blood to boil?

Which famously has a problem with Italians and the devil. They updated a version with mobile support in 2019, which I was able to take advantage of. But before we get into this specifically... Try the mobile version. Oh yeah, it's a wild scene. But before we get into this, Chris, I'm just curious because you mentioned your soda enthusiasm. How did you get so into these bubbly, sweet delights and what are your favorites?

I stopped drinking alcohol when I was 21 years old. It was not... Okay. I just knew and I've seen enough of my family, I was like, this ain't for me. But I need to be addicted to something. At a certain point, I started realizing that there's like glass bottles of soda and you can get those and then if you go to a party with drinkers, you have a glass bottle in your hand.

Because I find actually it makes other people uncomfortable if you're not... I was actually always pretty comfortable not drinking at a party, but it makes other people... It just kind of, I think, subtly removes a discomfort from other people. So I have these drinks and there was one that was going around New York many years ago. It's really great. It's a ginger ale called Bruce Cost, Fresh Ginger Ginger Ale and it has chunks of ginger floating in it. It was in like every deli, every bodega and I found that very interesting.

And then I started just realizing there were more options and I just kind of obsessively got into it. When I go to LA, my favorite place is Galcos, which I'm sure you guys have been to Galcos before the soda supermarket and at one point, I would honestly go so far as to say that you weren't going to find a better collection of soda. I mean, probably... I'm not going to claim best in the world, but I was probably up there as far as one of the better collections of soda and my wife told me, we can't keep making movers move

all these bottles of liquid, you have to just drink these things. As far as my favorites go, my favorite soda of all time is a drink called Mr. Cucumber, spelled with the Q. Yeah. Not shocked that you guys have heard of it. I think it's delicious. There's another one that's a ginger based drink out of Kentucky called L81. I really love that.

As far as root beers go, the Virgil Special Edition Bavarian Nutmeg is great. I think Spreckers, all of their sodas are really good, specifically their cream soda. The only Achilles heel is that they're ginger. They make all their sodas with honey, which is really amazing for sweet flavors, but they make their ginger ale with honey. It just doesn't work. Colas, I really like Fentamin's Cherry Cola as far as colas go. I could talk about it all day and I have a lot of strong opinions on soda.

I also think soda, strangely, is one of the most American things ever invented. I think you can track the history of sodas and it tells the whole history of American capital. Grapeette alone was this very small run grape soda that started with just one guy had an idea and he was this trying to get rich quick guy with a grape soda recipe and then it got bought out by a series of different conglomerates and then it got crushed. Then it turned out that one of the guys from the Walmart family, the Walton's, really liked it.

He bought Grapeette's rights and started bottling it again because he loved it so much and I'm like, that's the idea that you can start out as one person's effort to make it in America and then go through a whole saga of decades of corporate buyouts and getting buried by your corporate foes and then the richest family in America revives your soda because the one guy, because Sam Walton liked Grapeette growing up, there's something that's just so intrinsically the American story in there. So I just love it. I just love soda so much and yeah, as far as the ones you can get on supermarket shelves,

I got my opinions on which ones of those are good and as far as which of the glass bottled cane sugar sodas, I could go all day. But those are some of my favorites. Those are some of my favorites. L8 One. If you like a sweet ginger ale, I really like Werner's which everybody in Detroit drinks. Yeah, there's a whole bunch. I could talk all day.

But Mr. Cucumber is top of the hill to me. L8 Sam Richardson, big Werner's fan, a recent guest, he loves Werner's. I love soda as well and I know some deep sodas, I know some underground sodas but I don't have the knowledge you have. That's impressive. L8 What are your go-tos here, Mitch? Mitch I always just try to drink diet sodas now. I'm very boring these days but I'll do a diet sunkissed.

I loved sunkissed growing up but I love grape sodas and orange sodas. But I think Coca-Cola is maybe the perfect product. I love an ice cold Coca-Cola. I think it is the perfect drink. I know that it's an evil company. I know that it's bad for you especially since pure cane sugar Coke is not as bad as the high fructose corn syrup ones I guess. That's like my death meal or whatever.

My final meal would be my drink would be a Coca-Cola. I love Coke. I love a cherry Coke when I go and see a movie. As far as deep sodas stuff I like, I don't even know if I can name any off the top of my head. When you were saying something there I was like, oh yeah, I've had that and it's good. But I'm not a person who goes out of his way to buy sodas because I should never have them.

I'm always picking from the boring diet coax or whatever I get when I get a salad at lunch. Even that I shouldn't drink. But I'm a fan of squirt wigs. I like squirt. I like cactus cooler for ones that are a little bit less mainstream even though those are pretty mainstream compared to what you said. But I feel like in L.A. if you go to cactus taqueria you have the option of getting a

cactus cooler or what's it called, what did I just say, cactus cooler or the other one squirt, which usually are not options at other places. Yeah. I'm with Mitch in the sense of I can't keep liquid sugar in my house because I already am battling my weight and I'll just fucking drink all of it. I had a point where I had to switch to diet sodas and then I got off diet sodas entirely because that feels also bad for your health. But I was literally drinking like six arsee colas a day, just full sugar colas, just

taking down a six pack every day. Royal crown cola. What led to the royal crown obsession? It was what my dad bought when I was growing up. So did he grow up in the Northeast? No, I think it was just the cheapest one. My dad did the cheapest shit. And so we had a lot of arsee cola and then also Pepsi products in the house.

We were a Pepsi family, but I always liked arsee better than Pepsi. And so yeah, I was just having so much of that that yeah, I just can't keep it in the house anymore. It has to be an occasional indulgence. Now these days I don't drink any diet sodas at all. If I have a soda, I will get a full sugar soda because I'm just going to treat myself. Why fuck around? Why have this artificial sugar?

Why go halfway? I'm just going to go all the way. And that way I'm able to scratch that itch on occasion and not have it be a compulsion. But let's talk mainstream sodas because that's where we're at. I got to bring up one that I left out with cactus is Haritos, the mandarin orange Haritos. The Tamarindo is great too. Oh yes, Tamarindo is delightful. Yeah, Haritos I like a lot.

I feel like anytime we go, like if we're in the south or whatever, is it cheer wine? The red sodas? Yeah, cheer wine in North Carolina. They also have Blenheim's ginger ale in North Carolina is great and New Grape in North Carolina is great. They have three sodas in North Carolina that are very, very good. I'm a big fan of, what is it? What is the grape one that I like?

Is it crush soda? The crush grape. I'm a big fan of crush grape. But also I like the Fanta, like I think, I don't know if this is the Fanta in the States, but there's the Fanta that's similar to orangina. It almost has like kind of like pulp in it and I'm a big fan of that. I love orange. It's Nazi soda.

Is it really Fanta? Fanta is my understanding. If I remember the history of Fanta correctly, Coca-Cola was popular in Germany and then during the war, they knew it would be a bad luck to sell such an American product. So they created Fanta as like a way to keep making money in Germany without tangling up the Americanism of Coca-Cola in it. So it's a Coca-Cola owned product that was initially created for the Nazis. It's a Nazi soda.

Those are the bullet points. I may have wondered, that's the broad strokes. I'm sure some nerd will correct me. You know what? I don't want a Fanta, I guess I don't want to. Yeah, you're right. It's specifically created in Germany in 1940 during World War II by the German Coca-Cola company.

So there you go. That's wild. Nazi soda. Nazi soda. Damn. And so, you know what? I guess I like that Nazi soda apparently, specifically the orange one, which is just saying that I like orangeina more than Fanta, but I like that kind of like a little bit

of pulp refreshing kind of half soda sometimes too, which the Fanta, I think that is only overseas because I think a Fanta orange in the States is just like an orange soda, right? Yeah. How do you like a San Pellegrino? I feel like that would be up your alley. I love San, I'm a big fan of San Pellegrinos. I like them a lot. I don't see them as much anymore.

I feel like that was like kind of like another thing in LA where you'd go to like a sandwich shop or something. They have some San Pellegrinos, but those are tasty. I like the, wow, I just got one right there, but he's drinking a San Pellegrino right now. No, I know that the flavored ones. I know the flavored ones, but I drink a lot of unflavored San Pellegrino, and that's partly how I get, I scratch my soda itch is that I... With a little tin foil on top of it.

The little effervescence. Yeah. No, I know what's ones you're talking about. Yeah. I like those too. Those are good, but I can't have those every day. These I can have every day. I always felt like LaCroix came in and stole the flavored San Pellegrino's thunder, which

I never understood because I feel like, again, I'm not trying to be too divisive. I know that sometimes people on the show can set off a lot of controversy, but I think LaCroix is very overrated personally. Oh, well, guess what? Yeah. You got a partner there. I think LaCroix is completely overrated. If I...

What makes it special? Why do people obsess over LaCroix? Why? No calories. It's just not caloric. You have added sugar in the San Pellegrino. Just like every other seltzer. Every other seltzer also has no calories, so why are we acting like LaCroix?

People refer to it as like, oh, I have seltzer or I have LaCroix as if you're busting out the Cadillac of seltzers. It's a perfectly standard seltzer, and I'm getting a little tired of it on my end. I think you can hear the exasperation in my voice. I'm 100% with you. I've talked about it on this show that I think LaCroix makes me thirstier. It dries me out more. When I drink a LaCroix, I'm like, this isn't refreshing like I want it to be.

I'm a fan of polar seltzer. I'm a big polar seltzer fan, and Polar Orange Dry was what I was having a lot when I was back home, and that's one of my favorite sodas. Polar Orange Dry is fantastic, and that's got a little bit of like pulpy-ness in it. I'd go so far as to say I feel like LaCroix tastes a little cheap. I feel like that tastes a little cheap, LaCroix. Cheap dirty water. That's how I think of it.

I love it. I love it. It's a great hot take. Do you really love it? Oh, all right. No, I don't. I love the hot take. LaCroix I could take really.

I've had it a little bit, and I've never, it's like fine. It's replacement level. That sort of seltzer with a little bit of like that just dusting of flavor. It doesn't actually have a flavor, it just has kind of like an essence of flavor. I think it's fine, but I'd rather just have a plain seltzer. I'd rather just have a little bit of sparkling water. Am I wrong in that people seem to think it's like a fancy thing to have? They seem to think it's a thing that if you bust it out at your barbecue, this has somehow

made the barbecue better, and it's not. It's just LaCroix. They got lucky. Thank God, bless them. I'm not trying to go make your money LaCroix people, but we got to stop with this idolization of LaCroix. Take it off the pedestal. It became a big thing in like writer's room, and I remember when I first had them, I was

like, oh, these are like fun, and you can drink these instead of like drinking water during the day, which is, but you're right, there's just other seltzers that you could have too. I think this is like 10 years ago, when I first tried them, I was like, oh, okay. And then I got so sick of them so fast, like immediately. Like that year, when we were writing the birthday boys show, so that's what we were like LaCroix, and then even within that year or within two years, I was like, ugh, fucking LaCroix. It just, it's, to me, there's better seltzers.

To me, it feels like it dries you out. It has the opposite effect that I want from a drink. I want to be, I want, and for me, I changed over to, what should I call it, spin drifts. I like spin drifts. I like a little touch of, give me a little touch of fruit in there or whatever, or anything else, even polar seltzers. I know spin drifts themselves are even divisive to people, but LaCroix just, it doesn't do it for me.

There's something about it. I just fucking, ugh, I don't like it. I agree. It's kind of like, it's almost like taking a teaspoon of cornstarch. It just kind of dries out your mouth a little bit. It's not refreshing, which is not what you want in a soft drink. As far as the spin drifts, I like the spin drifts. It's amazing how much, what a difference like 15 calories worth of juice will do.

Yeah. Because that just has a little bit of juice. It goes a long way. It's so much better than the, you know, artificially or naturally flavored, however they get it, you know, LaCroix with a little bit of essence it's got. Give me a Topo Chico, which just tastes comparatively, compared to LaCroix, Topo Chico is fucking, that's the Rolls Royce. I would bring that out at a cookout and I would much rather have a fucking Topo Chico.

Topo Chico, bottled by the Coca-Cola Corporation. Fuck. I think, I also think spin drift, you got to get credit to their graphic design. There's something about it that looks like very classic and classy. Whereas I look at LaCroix's graphic design. I'm like, this comes from the era of slap bracelets and roller blades. Yeah. It doesn't even look cool.

It does. You're right. It's like one of the, it's like a hyper color shirt or something. It's like a, it's like a, it's that glossiness where you're like, that's not supposed, that's like, that texture isn't supposed to, that's not supposed to be on a jacket. No. It looks like a drink that fucking Chester Cheeto would love, you know? Like, why are we acting like this is the, the Mercedes of, can't do it anymore.

Yeah. No, people will be mad. You're right. That people will be mad at us. There's, there's people who are furious right now, but you know what? You got to hear it. You got to hear the truth. LaCroix is not that great.

It's overrated. I'm just glad to be in an environment where I no longer need to bite my tongue. And if there's one thing I've always heard about the dough boys is that you guys aren't sitting around worrying about being woke. And the fact that I get to air out my truth feelings about LaCroix has made me understand how true that is. And God damn, I might psych to be standing next to two other Titans of truth telling right now.

Well, I did, I did, I did give, give a thumbs up to a Nazi soda just moments ago. The next dough boys tour will be like, it'll be called like uncancelled. Can for like the soda. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Wags, we're doing, we're doing something, we're doing something different today and I like it. I like the fact that we're doing, we're reviewing the Coke freestyle machine, which Chris, I

have, I have a lot of thoughts on it, but I'm going to, I'm going to tell you what should I, should I get into what I did Wags? Before we do that, because I know we'll all have takes on this. I am curious, Chris, you talked a lot of artisan sodas, you get them on us a lot of deep cuts. Let's just stick in a kind of mainstream. Yeah. What you might see at a fountain. What are your, what are your faves?

I have a lot of love for the Coke. I've read entire books on Coke, multiple books. Wow. There's one all about the history of Coca-Cola. Again, you'd be shocked how much it always echoes the American times, like even like you'd be shocked. Coca-Cola was invented by a guy who then sold the formula off to like seven different people and claimed each of them had it exclusive.

So there were like decades of court battles about who even owned Coke. Coke was like, there were like congressional condemnations of Coke that clearly relate to the fact that it was initially popular in the black community, like American race relations tied into Coke. So Coke is a fascinating product with you on that, especially whether it's the Mexican Coke or the Passover yellow cap Coke. You get it with the real sugar. Really good stuff.

Really good stuff. As far as mainstream sodas that I think are cut above the rest. I really enjoy wild cherry Pepsi. I've always thought that wild cherry Pepsi just really nails what a cherry cola can be. I do, I'm starting to come around on some of these like weird like Coke vanilla orange and like the Coke mango. Initially, I thought they had like a real medicinal taste to them, starting to come around on those.

I'll always enjoy Mountain Dew. Just like it's super gross and I know that it, but like it also has a long history in Appalachia in particular, but I just think Mountain Dew is good. Those are the ones that jump out. I always point towards wild cherry Pepsi as like, if you're only talking mainstream sodas, that's one that I just go, man, it just tastes good and the balance of the flavors is really on target. I'm glad that when you asked you about mainstream sodas, you weren't like, bubble up is pretty

good. You could have just like fucking destroyed us and been like, what I think is mainstream sodas fucking bubble up, you fucking simps, you fucking dumbasses. Well, I was going to say from there, you start to like dive deeply into like stuff that's going to be popular regionally at best. Sure. Fago. Fago, like Fago, people in the Detroit area think of Fago as a mainstream soda, but the

rest of us, I think Fago, it's funny, Fago for anybody out there listening, you've probably heard of it because the insane clown posse are obsessed with it, but do not write Fago off as like a gimmicky soda. They like it because it's really, really good. There's a flavor in particular called rock and rye that people out there should try because man, it is really different than anything else. I don't even know how to describe it. It's good.

And moon mist, which I think it's kind of like their Mountain Dew is very good. We've had rock and rye. We had rock and rye here. It's delicious. Our buddies, Breton, Murder Bryant, were from where we're here for a Fago themed podcast we did. That's right. And it was really good.

I love soda. I would drink all of it. I truly would rather have that than when people go out for a steak and have a beer, I'd rather have a soda. And I think that as a man who's about to be 40, I think people think that's strange, but I love it. It's fantastic. It's a thing to me.

You were saying that the American aspect of it is great. It feels like in the, especially Fourth of July, I just rolled around having a fucking ice cold soda and stuff. And it makes me sad that there's not as much stuff like that anymore. I always talk about Brigham's, but just like a fountain, like a fountain place where you can go and get different sodas or a cherry Coke or whatever. It's like hard to, and this kind of bleeds into my issue with the Coke freestyle machine is like, I love a cherry Coke.

We were just at a Pine Burger Wags. I took my mom and sister to Pine Burger and I had like an actual Chesedina spot and I had like an actual cherry Coke, like, you know, like the cherry syrup in a Coke and it was so fantastic. It was really great. And then I'm like, does the Coke freestyle machine, does it get it right? Does it get all these different sodas right? Does it nail all these sodas?

And I don't, I don't know, but I know that we're going to get into it in a minute. I don't want to jump the gun, but it, but it's good. Let's get into it. I mean, it's the novelty of it is I'll first say that if this was around when I was a child, I think it was the greatest thing in the world because just the novelty of being able to come up with every, I was trying to do this with a soda fountain, even without options. I was just like, how I'll put in a third Dr. Pepper, a third Sprite and a third, you know, whatever the orange drink they have there and just sort of see what happens, you

know, or the suit. I like for a long time, my drink was the suicide, just getting ever some of every soda in the same cup. And so that you can do that experimentation in a more regimented way. And also if you want to get next level with it, you can make your, you can take your orange vanilla Coke and then also put in a spritz of, you know, Pib extra suicide with mango flavor or whatever suicide on a Coke freestyle machine might be an actual suicide. There's a hundred and there's 130 flavors or something.

Right? There's like, there's, I feel like that would be like, I don't know what the, when you mix them all together, what color that would be, but it might be like, it might not be, it might be toxic. It would be, it would be insane to mix all those together. But this is my fear of it, Wags is like, does it kind of just take on one flavor? It is, do you really get the taste of a, of a cherry Coke, which is my go to, which is the thing I got last, but I should set up where I went.

I went to universal city walk last night. I went to the AMC at universal city walk. I bought a ticket to black widow with a dough boys card and I went to see black widow. I got myself a tub of popcorn wigs and I got myself a soda, a large soda. And I went over to this, uh, free freestyle machine and I just started, I just started going, and by the way, I got this tub of popcorn. I went to put butter on it. The guy next to me puts butter on his and then he puts ketchup on top of his popcorn.

No. I was like seeing it and I was like, it's depraved. I was like both at the same time, like thought I was gonna, I was like, ugh, I'm gonna, that's fucking gross. It's making me, that's making me fucking, I feel like I'm going to puke. But then also at the same time, I was so excited to just see anything to talk about for the show that I was thrilled. I was thrilled to see this guy putting fucking, it was, it was fucking nasty.

And I like looked at him kind of and like he looked at me and I looked away. I was like nervous to be, to watch him do it, but he was, he was putting, he was putting ketchup on the fucking top of his popcorn. That man, Colin Hanks. That's why he's banned. Yeah. Um, but, but I got myself some popcorn and butter and then I went over to the, the, uh, the Coke free style machine.

Should I, should I, should I start saying what I got, Wags? Yeah. Well, let's, uh, I think we're going to each have gotten so many things that maybe we should kind of alternate a bit. Uh, Gethard, like the, the Coke freestyle machine, I mean, when were you first introduced to it? And what was your latest visit? Uh, like many as, as, as, uh, Mitch just mentioned, I feel like many of us, right?

The movie theater lobby is where the Coke freestyle machine kind of answers your life. I was very lucky that I was, uh, I was out of town working a week ago in Virginia and I happened to enter a place to buy lunch that had a Coke freestyle machine. So I was able to mess around with one within the past, you know, 10 days, which felt really good knowing that we were going to talk about them for this podcast. And I have a very, very similar reaction to, I think what you guys are expressing, which is in theory, this should be one of the greatest devices, especially for anyone's childhood in execution.

I don't know, I don't know that I've ever walked away, anything but slightly underwhelmed, which is a shame because right? The premise of a Coke freestyle machine is that you effectively can be your own Willy Wonka, right? You can be like a mad scientist and make a cool thing. I always feel like it comes out tasting like diet soda with cough syrupy flavors in it. That's, I always walk away with that feeling. That's, that is the, the flavorings on them to me always feel like, like a, like a medicinal

like you were saying, or very, or just very syrupy. There's something, there's something going on with the mix sometimes. And, and you know what? I find that it's also a sort of thing of like, you can go to a machine and it can be like the Coke syrup can be, can be, you know, almost gone and, or like, you know, like, or the, you know, the bubbles aren't as good on this machine. And so it can affect, I think that there's, you have chances of getting a good version at it at certain Coke freestyle machines, but these things are like workhorses.

And if you go to, if you go to AMC at universal city walk, these things are just being used constantly for like 15 hours a day. You know what I mean? It's just, they're just getting, there's, there's so many people just using them constantly. And then you'll see all the dots go out on the screen of sodas you can't select because something's going on. And I feel like it's a thing that like they put the syrup in at the beginning of the day and then they walk away from it and, and whatever you get is what you get.

But if you go and get like a cherry Coke and the, and the Coke syrup is low, I feel like that's going to taste like a heavy cherry syrupy mess. You know, I like, I think, I think your chance of getting that also wise. I was going to say, I think one of the first places I saw this movie theater is for sure, but I think it was all about the bread was maybe one of the first places I saw it. Like there's like weird places in LA. It's a fancy sandwich shop in West Hollywood. Fancy pants.

Didn't funny or die get that for lunch, like every day at one point. I mean, okay. Well, yeah, it wasn't, it was, it's like an individual. So your free lunch every day was fancy pants is what you're trying to say. No. Well, wait, free lunch every day. Come on. It was like on occasion.

Oh, they didn't buy you lunch all the time. No. If there was like a celebrity there to impress, please, we, we have screech here. We need to off. I shouldn't have chose. Yeah. I realized, I realized a second into saying his name that he has passed away, recipe screech.

RIP. This had Urkel or somebody. But sure, it's a fancy, it's fancy, it's fancy enough, but it was, it was one of the places that I noticed at first. I think movie theaters are maybe the place where they exist more than, than anywhere. And it, it, it, it, it kind of scares me that it's going to be, my fear is, is that it's just going to be the thing that takes over everywhere. And like when you go to the arc light, they had an actual cherry Coke spigot.

And so you'd get that. And it was great. It tasted, I sneezed again, God damn it. Wow. No warning that time. Wow. Completely caught off guard. I am judging you hard.

This is just like, oh God, this is karma. Um, shouldn't have laughed at that podcast or all those years ago. I'm sneezing all over the place. There's some, there's some young kid listening to the show right now and like in, they're going to meet up with their friends and just laugh and laugh over your sneezes. It's going to be like, this is the funniest thing in the world. They have inside jokes about it. And then someday they'll start a podcast of their own and talk about it.

Oh God. It sounds like a piece of shit. Um, uh, I lost track. I don't know what the fuck I was saying. The sneeze threw me off so much. Cherry Coke spigot. Yes. And you're right.

I love, cherry Coke is my go to at the movies. And, and, and when you're sure. And you get it straight from the source when it's that actual cherry Coke, that's all that's on the label. That's what you're getting. You're getting the pure cherry Coke mixture. It's, it's better. It just is better.

Like there's no doubt in my mind. Why do you, do you agree with that? Give me the dedicated apparatus, give me the thing that has its one purpose and does its job. And because I think one of the issues with the Coke of coal freestyle and I don't have any personal experience with maintaining this, these sorts of things. But I do remember at, at one of my jobs when I worked in the video game industry, they got, you know, the boss at one point bought like a fancy automatic espresso machine.

And the whole thing was like, oh, look, there's this fancy espresso machine. How cool is this? The novelty wore off almost immediately because there were like 12 different things that had to be changed constantly. Just constantly had to open this thing out and swap out different components and swap out different, you know, bags and, and nozzles and, and, and it was just like, and things were, and it was always breaking and things would be so inconsistent. And I think that's the issue with a Coca-Cola freestyle is it's just so, it's, it's so ambitious

to have this kind of black box that any liquid could come out of and there's just so many points of failure and it makes it, it makes for a very inconsistent product. That said, overall I like it and I had a nice experience with my most recent Coca-Cola freestyle outing. I went to a Burger King and now the Coca-Cola freestyle, if you haven't messed around with it or if you're just looking for one to try and, and sip along with the show, there's a Coca-Cola freestyle finder and it'll, you know, say any restaurants or, or theaters or what have you that have these in there on their premises.

I got myself two small cups so I could double fist and I got myself a small BK fries to use as a palette cleanser between sips. And like I said, I don't do diet drinks. Well done. You were double fisting? That's dedication. Well, no, I just like, it was easier so I didn't have to keep making trips. I felt judged just making multiple trips and having like, taking like a quarter cup

of soda and then drinking it and then coming right back. Like I could see, people were already kind of clocking me for doing this. So I was standing right at the machine, which by the way, the AMC ones, they have the silver Coke freestyle machines. So I'm not sure if that's like an upgraded version from those big red ones. There's the big red ones and then these ones were, these are silver bad boys. Oh yeah. I've seen those.

Well, your espresso thing was just going to make me think like, that's the issue is like, I bet you that these Coke freestyle machines are not getting all the syrups changed out on a regular basis. It's just impossible. I mean, like, and no AMC employee should have to fucking be doing that all the time either. I mean, there was like six of them in that AMC alone. So it's like, imagine a machine that would replace like a Starbucks barista, like that would be, that would be an extraordinarily complex piece of machinery that would also

not do anywhere near of a job. And honestly, if you're going to try to have this concept, like if you're going to try to do this properly, you'd have an actual soda jerk. We'd throw back to those days. We'd throw it back to those days and you have someone actually making these concoctions for you. Like a jackfruit sort of situation. Okay.

Chris, I cut you off there. What are we going to say? Don't throw it back to me now. So you go ahead, hamfist in the same joke you hamfisted it before. Now I got to cover your ass. This is why I stopped doing improv. This is why I stopped doing improv. Everybody who ever wanted to make some fucking hamfist thing then goes, fix it, get them.

No, I'm with you. Hold on a second. I'll go deeper. Wags, what type of soda do you use for a soda jerk? All right. Like a, what's like a lubricated soda that you like to use for your soda jerk? What soda you like to jerk off with is what I'm trying to say. Go ahead.

Tell me. I was just going to say that I think one of the things that's so frustrating about Coke freestyle machines, and I wonder if we'd all agree based on what we've said, is those big red machines. When you first saw them, did you not feel like a seven year old kid who was excited when you realized what was going, like that the actual machine itself. And when you realized like, what is that? And then you go, oh, that's a soda machine where I can formulate any flavor myself.

It's an exciting thing. And I agree with that. I feel like the delivery of the product, like I almost feel like if the machine looked worse, I'd be happier with the drink that came out because the machine gets me excited. You know what I mean? It's a very, it's a, it's, it's, it's a very cool looking machine, but I'm sorry quickly. Wags, what soda do you use to jerk off with? So I got myself, I started off with a, with a straight up Coca-Cola and I'm just like,

how does this thing do a Coca-Cola and I'll say, can't you just say cream soda or something and make me happy? Oh, that's good. Yeah. Cream soda, Mitch. That's what I use. Thank you. Thank you.

Spreckers or Boylands. Spreckers or Boylands. Spreckers. I was like, how is this thing going to do just like a straight up Coke and it did fine. I tried that and then the other one I tried for my first round was, this is one I read on a bunch of different lists is like, try this, this is surprisingly good is the Coke raspberry and I found it delightful. Wow.

It's like a, it's like a liquid raspberry chocolate truffle. It's just like, it's, it's a great little sweet drink with a lot of dense flavor. I thought it was, I thought the raspberry flavor worked really, really well and didn't seem too artificial. Interesting. Yeah. I was amazed by that. So like I said, I was at the AMC, I had no issue just kind of standing there and just

drinking. I was, I was just trying different flavors, sitting there and drinking it. What I, I'll tell you something that I found overall after, after I name what, what, everything I had. So I, I did a high C orange vanilla that was, that was, that was one of the things I got. I got myself a Powerade strawberry and then I also got, you know, I'll stop there. And this, this is what I was going to say. The non-carbonated drinks I kind of had more success with.

Interesting. This, the strawberry Powerade was, was, was good. I didn't even know, I didn't even know Powerade had a strawberry. I don't see it. I don't see it at 7-11. I don't think they bottled it. I think it's just in the freestyle machine. It was really good.

It was, it was fantastic and that, and that orange vanilla high C was, was great. It was just a hint of vanilla with that orange high C. That's the, you know, the McDonald favorite that, which they have brought back since, but they discontinued it for a while. But I really liked that high C orange and the, and the orange vanilla was, was, was really good. So those are my two non-carbonated or non-fizzy drinks and what was the issue with, because you said that the non-carbonated worked a little bit better. Was your issue that the carbonation level wasn't good on the machine?

Cause mine, mine were all well-carbonated. No, they were, they were well-carbonated. I just felt, I just felt like these tasted closer to what they were supposed to be like. I felt like some of the other ones like did, they didn't mix too well. So I also got, before I get into my sodas, I got a, I got a, a Dasani sparkling raspberry peach, which looked very, it like looked very orangey. Like it looks, it looked, here's, here's a picture of it. It looks like very, it looks like a soda, but you see, you see the cup you see within

the cup. Yeah. Yeah. It just looks like, it just looks an orange drink. Like an orange drink, but it was actually, it was pretty light and not bad, but it wasn't, it wasn't great. It was a, it was a LaCroix situation for me. I didn't, I didn't love it.

It has like five calories or 10 calories, I think with the, with the flavoring, but why was it that dark? Why? I don't understand why it was that, that color of orange. Um, uh, should I just go, should I just finish? Should I just tell you whether my sodas that I got, I got a mellow yellow limeade, which I thought was like interesting. And I thought that was actually pretty tasty.

And then a Pib extra cherry, which I, which I liked a lot. This is one of the, this is one of the, the, the good performers and also a vanilla diet barks root beer, which was also really good. I mean, like, okay. So we're, we're getting into some interesting territory here because your machine had Pib, mine had Dr. Pepper. And I didn't realize any Coca Cola freestyles even had Dr. Pepper, but that was, that was available on mine.

Uh, the, the, the diet barks vanilla, I got the straight up barks vanilla and I will say that was one of my favorites. I kind of wanted more vanilla, but I do think it was just, and maybe I'm wrong on that, but I do think that just like the mix of root beer and vanilla was just so smooth and delicious and kind of, I like the bite of barks, but it kind of took the edge off a little bit. I thought that was, that was a delight. Yeah. Uh, barks, barks, see, I didn't, this also brings up the fact of missed opportunity for

Mountain Dew because I feel like Chris, I'm also a fan of Mountain Dew and, and, uh, I feel like a Mountain Dew freestyle, like in the freestyle machine, you'd have a lot of the, a Baja blast. You'd have a lot of fun with stuff in there. So. Well, it's a Pepsi product. I wonder if Pepsi's coming out with their own equivalent of a freestyle machine. They, they are.

It's the Pepsi spire. Okay. And it's in limited locations. Evil. It really does. It's an obelisk. That's a bad name. They're going to change that name before it goes wide.

Right. I would think so. Yeah. It's, it's bad branding. It sounds, it sounds ominous, but I did late. Let's talk a little bit, uh, uh, get there about what you got on your trip. I got, uh, there's one thing I got that I really enjoyed, which is so simple and it's not the most adventurous thing, but we've all had a Coke with a lemon squeezed into

it and that's pretty good. But when you just get the Coke lemon on a, on a freestyle machine, it's pretty smart. Just have a lemon syrup infused with your Coke. I really, really liked that. And then I tried something that I've often tried, which is, I think maybe cause it's so, you know, it's very strange listening to you guys talk as we all said that we find these machines rather underwhelming, but then you listed a number of combinations that you really liked.

So there's something psychologically there, right? But I tried something, one of the things I was most excited about, uh, when I first encountered one of these was to have not just a cherry Coke, not just a vanilla Coke, but a cherry vanilla Coke, never good out of the freestyle machine. I feel like that's the perfect example of a thing that those things are much better separate than together. And it kind of undercuts the potential of this, uh, this, this sort of device as a whole, but that, that's what I'm walking.

I'm sitting here listening to you guys going, we all said that we don't love these machines and like Mitch, you said, yeah, it's a kind of a missed opportunity. And then you listed like six things that you were like, that was very good. Actually, I mean, I'll say this, a lot of that is from past experiences with it. Like last night, it was hitting better than it has before. Like, uh, like, uh, it, last night, like I was like, Oh, it feels like one, it feels like all the, the, the fucking syrups are, are, are, are kicking. It feels like I'm actually tasting Coke.

Cause I, my last drink was, it was a cherry Coke that I got for the, cause that is just, I went in and watched the movie and I had a cherry Coke, but it felt like all the syrups were there and it did feel carbonated. I feel like sometimes though, like I said, those things can be off. There's like a lot of, there's just so many factors in these damn machines that you don't know what you're going to get. And by the way, I was going to say, do you think, uh, I just looked at some synonyms for spire.

So Pepsi, we could be Pepsi steeple. Is that any less, is that any less, is that any less evil or Pepsi apex? Apex is great. Pepsi apex is good. Um, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I see, I'm excited for that too. Just because I, I, I love Baja Blast. I love, I love that, that Baja Blast is like the fun Taco Bell. It's like Taco Bell's frosty is what we've basically said on here before, but

like to try all the different do flavors, the do flavors are fun. Code red. Yeah. Code red. The, the, the USA one, a red, white and do is out now or whatever. Like all those things are fun to me. So having a Pepsi machine that does it too is great. I just, my fear is, is that I'm just never going to have a cherry Coke

spick it again and that cherry Coke last night was not as good. It didn't taste as good. That was, that was like my big thought at the end of the night. I went in with, I finally filled my cup all the way up with a cherry Coke, went in to watch the movie and I was like, this does not taste as good as a cherry Coke straight from the, straight from the source. Right. Just because we brought up Mountain Dew, I do want to say you guys, are you

aware that there's a subset of the soda community that is just the people who obsess over the different flavors of Mountain Dew. And this is true. There's people who just, they try to chase down all the limited edition Mountain Dews and that's their whole thing. Wow. I, I, I love that. And I, I, it's that other thing that we were saying earlier is like, I try not to

drink full sugar sodas, but like, I want to try every do I, I, in my notes app on my phone, I have red, white, and do like try red, white, and do cause I want to try red, white, and do like on your to-do list. It's on my to-do list. Your two DEW lists. My notes app is just mostly like snacks and sodas that I've seen that I write down and, and, and, and I want to try. But yeah, I think, I think it's, and I think that, you know what, we've said this

with, with Taco Bell, it's like, and we're mad at them for pulling back on this a little bit lately, but it's that Willy Wonka factor. Like you're saying of, of Mountain Dew does do that, but they give you, they give you that product and, and Taco Bell did do that. And here's this, there's a new way to eat cheese and beef and whatever, all mixed up together. But, and, and that's the promise of the Coke freestyle machine, but it, it doesn't always deliver.

It like, and there are, there are fun stuff that I wouldn't try. And I think, I think maybe it just comes down to like, I'm boring and I want a cherry Coke, you know what I mean? Like, like a, like having a power, and I, I did over here last night, a kid talking about like a power rate and how he was going to have this power rate. And I was like, Oh, that's interesting, but I'm not going to a theater and like getting a power rate. That's almost a better thing to have it like Disney world or whatever.

Oh, you can get a fucking great power rate if you want to, or sparkling water at the movie theaters. I just want, I want just a good soda, a Coke or a cherry Coke. What's your relationship with ice in a fountain drink? Great question. I like it. I know that some people are like a light ice or no, I, I mean, no ice seems crazy to me because I'm a no ice or I'm a no ice.

Are you no ice? I'm a no ice. Oh my God. Chris, what the fuck? Yeah. I, well, I struggled with it. Well, I'm really hurt your teeth. Listen, I'm like, tell, I'll tell you right now, like, I'm not kidding.

This is not staged like on my desk in front of me right here. Glass bottle of a red ribbon soda. Like I keep bottle. Oh, the Dublin, if you, we could talk all day just about the Dublin bottling works out of Texas, they're green apple. I, so I love the glass bottle and it, it really, it almost ties into what you were saying about having the dedicated spigots through these flavors. Whatever it goes into a glass bottle, that's what the bottler wanted to go in

there and a glass bottle retains that carbonation so well, it's what comes out of there. It's why I don't think plastic bottles or cans do it nearly as good a job. I trust when I'm drinking directly from a glass bottle that I'm tasting what the person who formulated this wants me to taste. And I feel like ice waters that down. Now I've, I've heard from people, this is something that sometimes other people who collect sodas have given me guff about where they'll say, when people make,

when people calibrate their fountain soda, uh, syrups, they are doing it supposedly with the idea that you're going to have a one third cup full of ice and that that's part of the calibration is they expect you to have it there. But for me, I go, what happens with me with ice is it's good right out of the gate, but as that ice melts, now you start to get watered down pockets, you get some of those pockets where maybe this sip was a little warmer than the sip right next to it.

If it's, if I readjust the straw and now it's going right through the ice, instead of off to the side of the ice, I could taste the difference there. So I don't, it's tough. Am I anti-ice or am I just so devoted to the purity of a glass bottle? That's the question. Yeah. Well, I'm, I'm with you in the fact that I do think, I, I do think like having an ice, like having a, an ice cold, but no ice in it, bottle of Coca-Cola, I

think is great. Like I, I, I would enjoy that. But when it comes to, when it, when it comes to getting something from like the Coke freestyle machine, I'm just not sure if that, if the fizzy water that they mix with the syrup is cold enough, that's the thing that I'm afraid of is that you're going to get like a, like a, and also maybe it's a, it's a testament to also again, these, these freestyle machines where I'm just like the idea of, cause like a warm bottle of a Mexican Coke, I could drink that and be like,

this is good and it tastes like Coke. It's just warm. And then the idea of, of a Coke freestyle machine Coke with no ice, I'm just like, that just feels like sitting syrup. It doesn't feel the same as a, as a bottled Coca-Cola to me. It feels like, it feels like something's wrong there. Like I feel like ice is almost necessary, necessary, necessary. It's necessary to have in there.

I like a, like a, but I don't know. So you just, you'll go and fill it up and just have no ice in the. I generally with a fountain drink have no ice and I see on both of your faces. Wow, I'm shocked. I can feel the indignation of the listeners. I just don't trust that ice is watering this down in a way that was intended by the creator of this drink and I want to respect them. And maybe, maybe I'm overthinking this one, um, but I overthink soda.

And I like, I like this dance. I like, I, I, I know. So you're, you're, you're a soda aficionado, aficionado. So I, who are we to question you? No, I, but I, I think there's a lot of people in the soda world who would say I'm an idiot for this. And I'll also be the first to make, there are a lot of sodas, I would say, especially root beers where they have to be super cold for you to really get

what's, that's where you start to really taste the difference. Um, so I understand, but I want like a frosty bottle way more than I want ice in a cup, but yeah, it's a divisive thing and I know it and I know it. And do people, are people sitting there now, uh, disqualifying me as someone whose opinions matter? Sure, but I'm not going to sit here and be a fucking liar either. Okay. Well, they've disqualified our opinions a long time ago.

So don't, you're, you're, you're now just with us. You're now finally at our level, uh, an hour into the show, but I think that there's, I know people who do light ice. I know people who do heavy ice. I think my buddy, I think, uh, Justin, uh, Justin, Kylie, Wikes, my good friend, one of my, my best friends in the world. Um, I think he goes heavy ice in his, in his, uh, coke in his, in his phone, I can't do heavy ice.

I gotta do like, I'll do like a, like the standard, like, you know, a third to a half full of ice. My, my ice preference for this, for the fountain is just like, yes, I think a lot of times that, that's soda out of the fountain is closer to room temp than it is to cold. And I need, and you know, I, I just needs, I want something that's, that's, that's cool for it to be refreshing. I also think it imposes a little bit of discipline on me.

It keeps me from having too much soda. I think just like the ice buffer, you know, like, I think just, just has less sugar in that cup. And also one other thing, cause I know you don't drink, but I, I drink, uh, and bartenders will often say, Mitch wants to add, yeah, Mitch wants to add heavily. Yes, Mitch. I drink heavily. Let me tell you which tequila I jack off with, all I said is, oh, he drinks.

I didn't even say heavily. Scott, you made a face. Oh, well, you're trying to say I'm hand fisted a joke. Get about how you drink too much. Well, guess what? I am, you drink too much. Which tequila? Uh, Casamigos.

That's the one we should talk with. Got a jack with Clooney's. So the, but, is Clooney on the bottle? The, like a bartender will be like the, the ice that's in the drink as you drink it over time is like, Oh, the drink will develop from the ice melting. It'll like kind of change the character for it. And that's kind of by design. And I don't know if I think that's probably just some sort of, you know,

craft cocktail, hoo-ha, but can I, can I, can I quickly just say to those bartenders, fuck off. You just need to fuck off. When I do ice, I prefer a crushed ice in my soda. I do like that. I like a crushed ice. I think it spreads the cold more uniformly. What I, what I hate the most is when you hold down the ice thing and you get

that quick burst of ice and then you hear the rattling in the ice machine and nuns coming out and then a bunch more spits out. And at this point, I don't really know what I've got in there. At this point, this is an unreliable machine and I wish I had gone. No ice crushed ice. At least I know it's landing in a way where it's distributing very evenly throughout the drink. Now Chris, is it, is there, there's no cold factor, right?

Like it doesn't bother your teeth or anything like that. Cause I know people who like can't deal with. If it, if ice touches their gums, they like go crazy and they don't want, you know, that's why they don't have it in their, in their sodas, but it's not, that's not the scenario for you. Which is that you don't. For me, I just have an OCD thing of I want the drink at the end to be the same drink I had at the beginning.

And I think very often with ice, that's not going to be the case. Maybe that's on me. Maybe it makes me a fucking psycho. I don't know, but it's just, it's what I like. And I don't, I don't feel like sitting around and fucking apologizing. Any longer for my ice preferences. I love it. I like it.

I like it a lot. We like, we like strong opinions on this show. You just, you just went to your spot on the uncancelled tour. Oh, I love it, man. I can't wait. Let's tell some truths, boys. Everyone's too sensitive. Everyone's too sensitive.

Action should not have consequences. We don't like unsafe space. We can't handle it. Shut up. We hate ice and then everyone holds up a Fanta soda. You're not allowed in this show unless you show me an unfilled out vaccination card. Oh God.

You know what? When the day comes, when it comes to calling wise, we'll go hard, right? It's our plan. Oh, it's always the escape route. You always have that in your, in your back pocket. Turn hard, right? You'll be welcomed with open arms. The five revolving comedians that have chosen to go hard, right?

We'll be our guests from there on out. I mean, it looks like I probably, our Patreon would go up. I just, depressingly enough. So I also got myself a mellow yellow peach, which was close to a cactus cooler Mitch. I thought this was going to be too sweet, but it was citrusy and refreshing. I thought this was great. And they used to have cactus cooler all the time growing up.

I thought I was like, I would 100% get this again. Sprite grape, not for me. Fanta lime, not for me. Might have made orange lemonade, not for me. Cherry vanilla, Dr. Pepper. I know you mentioned the Coke didn't work and I agree with you. It's ungepochka, but something about the cherry vanilla, Dr. Pepper really click for me.

And if I was at the movies, I was like, I think I might take a full cup of this. Cause I know it's the, the flavor is so dense and that it's, that it's going to slow me down. I'm going to pace myself. I'm not going to chug this thing. You couldn't chug it, but I don't know. I thought the components all worked really well. Then again, good luck finding a free Coca-Cola freestyle that has

Dr. Pepper. That's a crap. Well, is Dr. Pepper just like one of those like such a great soda on its own? Is it just, does it just work well with any of these syrupy syrups that you got? Who knows? I mean, I don't know. I don't drink Dr. Pepper. You don't.

No, it's a moral drink. Any pepper sodas? I'm taking a moral stand. Wow. Do you know about Dr. Pepper versus Dr. Pepper, the court case? So I've heard a little bit about its origins, but I don't know this specifically. I don't know if I know it. So Dublin Dr. Pepper was this drink.

And you guys definitely don't remember it being LA based as long as you have. Remember, you used to be able to get Dr. Pepper in these smaller bottles, glass bottles, not in the woods actually, that place at the end of the block that UCB was on that those were cane sugar. Dr. Pepper is made by a bottling plant in Dublin. That was one of the original Dr. Pepper bottling plants, like from its earliest days and throughout all the corporate changes and everything they kept bottling. They had their zone where they were allowed to sell a certain radius outside

of Dublin, Texas. And when all the soda companies got together, I believe in the late 70s, early 80s and said, we're switching from sugar to corn syrup. Let's all do it at once. Right. And this is all because of tariff laws and taxes and the bottom line. Dublin Dr. Pepper was like, we'll spend a couple of extra bucks. We're sticking with the original formula.

Dublin Dr. Pepper will have the cane sugar be made the way it always has. So people realized all over Texas, I can drink the Dr. Pepper. That's the exact one from my youth. If I go to Dublin and I get it, this became a thing where like families in Texas would drive for miles and hours to get their Dublin Dr. Pepper because they wanted it the way they remembered it. Now things start moving with Mexican Coke.

People start realizing, oh, you can put out right. Mountain Dew puts out the throwback Mountain Dew. Pepsi puts it out in that cool looking can. Dr. Pepper eventually experiments. Let's put out a cane sugar Dr. Pepper. People flip out. They go, hmm, we can be making a lot of money off of this, except we got this little bottling plant in Dublin that's always going to be the OGs.

Like even if we put it out, people are going to know you can get it real from this one other place. So I hate where this is going. They found out that Dublin Dr. Pepper had started shipping on the internet. They said, you violated your sales clause. Like you're not supposed to sell outside certain number of miles. They're like, well, it's mail order.

We're not, we're not setting up shop. There was a court case where it was Dr. Pepper versus Dr. Pepper and they shut down the Dublin's ability to bottle Dr. Pepper and now Dublin puts out a lot of great sodas, a lot of great sodas. I just held up, I have a bottle of their green apple soda right in front. You ever see a Dublin soda from Dublin, Texas. It's a really fantastic company that puts out great drinks, but ever since Dr.

Pepper sued Dr. Pepper and won and shut down the little guy, I have staunchly refused to drink Dr. Pepper ever since that's, that's, that's so wild. I, and that sucks. It's a corporate greed. It's, it's, it's crazy to me. I've said this to YG's before, but the way the world has the, what the world

has come to is like where when I'm in like the Northeast, I'm rooting for Puppa Geno's and D'Angelo's, which are just like smaller corporate entities. You know what I mean? Like I'm, like I'm like, I now have to root for like, I'm rooting for Dr. Pepper, but the less evil Dr. Pepper, like a, like a, it's, it's, it's, it's so fucked up that, that they wouldn't just let the people liked it. They liked your product.

They liked it from there. You, there were people who were working there that, that, that were making money and, and, and being successful with your product. They were still seeing revenue from that product, right? Like it was still Dr. Pepper that was being sold. Yeah. I think so.

I mean, I think it was all like, you know, there'd been acquisitions and they kind of closed ranks and some of these original bottling plants still sort of exist quasi separately. And they just realized there was a lot more money to be made if they had full control over this and it's fucking sucks. It's stupid. It's just kind of mean. It's just kind of dumb and mean.

I think Dr. Pepper is kind of dumb and kind of mean. So I don't drink no Dr. Pepper Dr. Dr. Pepper, Dr. Pepper himself was also one of the doctors that Trump hired during COVID. It was like one of Trump's guys.

That was like, it's not that, don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal. You don't have to wear masks. Dr. Fauci versus Dr. Pepper. Well, why should we, should we get into, should we get into our final thoughts on these Coke freestyle machines?

I think, I think we've, we've discussed this more than enough. So let's get to our final thoughts of the Coca-Cola freestyle. Man, what a bummer. Fucking. Sorry, I feel like I was just a huge. No, no, no, no, no, no, I love it. I love this. That's, that's, that is, that is, that is a fascinating story.

I just, I'm mad now. I'm mad at Dr. Pepper. I never, when I started the day, I didn't think I'd end the day being mad at Dr. Pepper. So we'll each go around, give our closing argument, if you will, on the Coca-Cola freestyle and then end by giving it a rating from zero to five forks.

Chris, you are our guest, noted soda connoisseur, your thoughts, your fork score. I will say that I think we're going to look back at this time in history and realize that we were in the Neanderthal stages of this system. I feel like in a number of years from now, there's going to be the ability to make something truly fantastic at the touch of a fingertip. And I hope that they do that conscientiously and responsibly with respect towards the history of sodas. As of right now, I feel like the technology has outpaced the product itself.

The coolness of the Dr. of the Coca-Cola freestyle is in pushing all the buttons and feeling like you're at the controls. I feel like in a few years we'll catch up. So right now I'm going to go right down the middle and say 2.5 forks just because I understand what it is and I see the potential, but they're not there yet. But they'll catch up. They'll get there.

I'll love these machines one day. That's, that's, that's a pretty, that's a pretty, that's a pretty perfect review. Should we go straws? Should we do, should it be something different from forks for this one? Should it be a straw? Is that crazy? No. Why it doesn't like it.

Emma's nodding, but I say no, it's forks. All right, it's forks. It's forks. All right. Forks, forks. You can, you can, you can eat a soda with a fork. Um, so like I said, I was at AMC. I went and saw Black Widow, which, um, I was, I saw the movie.

So it started off on a weird note with the guy getting ketchup on his popcorn, which, you know what, that's the cold open. That's the cold open is fucking task master has a bucket of popcorn and puts ketchup on it. Um, and also here's a weird thing, new V, you know, like new V, they promote using your phone to play games before the movie. I'm like, you shouldn't promote using your phone before the movie. Right.

Like what is, what is, uh, what's, what's they don't get. They don't give a shit. They don't give a shit about the actual exhibition of the movie. They're just trying to make money. Um, there was a tomorrow or ad before the trailers because it's Amazon. So there was a butch, but it was nice to see it on an actual movie. Screen for once. Uh, and then, uh, I, there was also an ad for the Coke freestyle app,

which I did not use wigs and I know, I know that you, and maybe in your, in your breakdown, you'll, you'll, you'll, uh, you'll give a little, you'll give us some, uh, some detail on that, but I'm with Chris. It is, it is just so completely down the middle here. And it feels like things will get better. Like when it gets to the point where I am getting a full sugar cherry Coke out of a Coke freestyle machine and it tastes like the real thing. It tastes like it's straight from the, from the spigot.

Then I feel like we'll have a success here. It doesn't, it doesn't feel that way yet. I, I like the idea of it. I do think it's fun to have. And you know what, I think it's fun to put all these flavors on display. Like they should, there should be more available. It's like, uh, a lot of the times you go to a movie theater and you can't even get a cherry Coke.

So the idea of a Coke freestyle, like that is great. Anything that you could want and you can think up, you can make, but like Chris said, it's just not there yet. It's, it's in, and I'll go, I'll go, I guess I'll go, I should just do handhold. I'm gonna, two 2.5 forks. I'm going to go handholding for this because you nailed it. You nailed the review completely.

It's just, it is what it is. It's got a ways to go, but I'm excited for the potential of it. And I also fear the thing of it doesn't get better. And this is the best it will ever be. And then it takes over everything on earth. Like, uh, it's in every McDonald's, it's at every movie theater and that's all there is. And that to me is scary.

And I hope that that's not the case, but I, I hope there's, it's a world where these machines just get better and better and, and, uh, and, and we can, and then, Hey, maybe we get some, uh, some, some wild sodas in there, some sodas that you don't, you don't hear about as much. I mean, we'll never will because unless Coca-Cola buys them up, but it would be great to have, uh, some, some, some weirder sodas on display wigs. Yes. Well, a burritos machine.

They will, they'll, they'll cycle in some seasonal flavors, but they're just like variants of surge. I tried one of the surge cherry rush, which I, it was a confusing, it tasted, it tasted diet, but it wasn't it. So it, I was just like, I, and I didn't even get the cherry from it. So, uh, yeah, I'd be nice if they get some more artisan sodas in there, but that's just contrary to what their whole brand is. I would say I did use the app and the app's not crap.

It works. It is kind of dazzling, honestly, cause you scan a QR code on the machine. It opens up that individual freestyle machine. And then you can select your flavor on the screen on your phone. And then if you want to pour your soda, you put the glass under, you put your cup underneath it, and then you hold down the pour button on your phone. And you, when you release it on your phone, it stops. It, it's kind of like, it's honestly one of the more amazing things I've

experienced with my phone interfacing with another device. I was just like, this is kind of cool that you can control this thing. Uh, and it's pretty much a real time. Uh, but that said, it was just so much more clunky than actually using the machine, even though it worked well, that I just, I just ended up using the machine. I think one thing we maybe haven't touched on here is with all of this, with all the options that you're presented with, you end up with analysis paralysis and you end up trying to decide what's going to be the

perfect combination and that can take you a little bit too long at the machine. And then also, if you're in some sort of, you're in a busy restaurant, you're in a busy movie theater, that creates a bottleneck because, you know, people are dilly-dallying there, trying to figure out exactly what concoction they want to commit to. And that just, uh, that slows everything down. So I think there's, there's a double-edged sword to having this many options. And, and that's a, you know, that's kind of like a larger thing with the food

industry in general is just like we keep getting more flavors as a, of everything as a, as a, as if more is more, but it sometimes just confuses the consumer. That said, I do think the, the Coca-Cola freestyle is cool. And it's a fun novelty. And I have fun when I get to encounter it. And I usually can come up with a drink that I like out of it. And so, I don't know, I think we'll go a little higher than the average. I'm going to say this is a three forker as it currently exists.

I think, I think, I think it's, I think it's just slightly above average. And I think, I, I agree with the consensus that hopefully it will get there with future iterations. I hope so too, Wags. I don't know. I also think that they might just be like, we did it. And that will, like, I do fear that they might be like, we've, this, this, it won't be any better, but I feel like they're still tweaking.

They're still tweaking things. And just, just the fact that you see Dr. Pepper ones, I know, I know that they're going to, and then also the pepsi spire, that crazy sounding pepsi spire to run into one of those in the wilds. I can't wait to see how they're doing with that. I had a question about the app because I didn't play with that myself. Nick, um, yeah, which button do you hold down to jack off? We'll be back with more.

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Do it. Welcome back to doughboys. We are here with Chris Gethard and it's time for a segment. I've got a food related exam and Mitch and Chris must compete for superiority. It's another edition of slop quiz. Hmm. And Chris, this today's version is the brainchild of our associate producer and Gethard fan, the Drop King Robert Persinger, who is crafted based off

of beautiful anonymous, who I'm full anonymous, who I'm full anonymous. I'll read you a food related quote from an anonymous celebrity of a given category and you guess who it is. All right. This seems insane. So we're guessing the name of the celebrity. You're guessing the name of the celebrity and we'll see how this goes. If we end up needing hints, I'll come up with some hints.

But I think this will work out. All right. First up, which anonymous country singer said the following, my weaknesses have always been food and men in that order. Should we bring in wigs? Yeah. Oh yeah. Buzz in.

And I'll say Dolly Parton. Gethard, you are correct. Thank you. Wow. That is Dolly Parton. Next up. Wait, which, which order was it? Did she like food or men first?

It was food then men. Food and men in that order. Yeah. Good order. Yeah. Yeah. It's a way to go. Next up, which anonymous famously rotund cinema legend said the following, my

doctor told me I had to stop throwing intimate dinners for four, unless there are three other people. Mitch. Oh, man. Uh, did you just call on yourself? Was your guess as you're buzzing? I did. You know what?

That's used. That's what we had done. But I like we usually buzz in with your name, but I like, I like a man. I like that. The sound effect is fun. Okay. Man, uh, kind of an Edward G. Robinson. Is that the cinema legend in question?

We'll find out. Hmm. See, it's not Farley, but I just, I just didn't want to get it wrong. If it was Farley. So I'm just going to say Farley. It's not Chris Farley. Geth. I'll say Dom Deleuze.

Not Dom Deleuze. We're looking for Orson Welles. Oh, that seems like an Orson Welles sort of thing. Son of a bitch. Okay. Yeah. Next up, which anonymous fantasy author said this, if more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merry man world.

Get meh. Oh, you got it. I was going to get this first. Uh, George R.R. Martin, not George R.R. No, thank you. That was going to be my guess. Okay.

The obvious one is Tolkien. So I'm going to, I'm going to zag and say Geth C.S. Lewis. Wow. No, it was J.R.R. Tolkien. Oh, no, I overthought it. You overthought that you over never, never overthink the dough boys.

That's, that's the, uh, that's the last thing you learn. Food and cheer and song above hoarded gold. They're singing all throughout these books. And they are very merry. Uh, next up, which anonymous cooking show host said this? I'm glad he's dead. Okay, go on. The only time this is an anonymous cooking show host.

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. Yeah. Yeah. Geth, uh, let's try Bourdain. Not Anthony Bourdain. Okay. M-mitch. Yes.

Emeril Lagasse. Not Emeril Lagasse. We're going back in time to Julia Child, the great Julia Child. All right. Couple more. Which anonymous cartoonist said the following? All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. Meh.

Mitch. Gary Larson. No, not, not Gary Larson. Oh, it feels like a far side. It could be a, it could be a far side. It could be a far side. Like, uh, a guy's like in a chocolate vat or something. I don't know.

You got to make it wild. It's a, or it's an ant or something saying it. Yeah. There's a cow there. Geth. I feel, I see, I feel like this is a setup for me to be labeled as a misogynist, but it was it, was it Kathy? I thought this was going to be a Kathy guys white too, but it's not.

It's Charles M. Schultz. I was going to say Schultz. God damn it. I was going to say Schultz. Well, you went with Larson. Larson was the funnier answer. Larson is funny.

It's still one zero. Mitch yet to get on the board. Gethard with a lead. It's a soccer score. Can one of you pull in Italy and tie and bust out the tie and goal? God, do we have a shootout? I don't have enough questions for a shootout. Let's see.

Okay. Here we go. Which anonymous classical composer said this quote? Only the pure in heart can make a good soup classical composer. Oh shit. You go, Chris. Gustav Mahler. It's not Mahler.

Okay. I don't know. I don't even know. Fucking Beethoven. I have no idea. You are correct, Mitch. He didn't buzz it. He didn't buzz it.

He didn't buzz it. I didn't hear a buzz. I'm going to give it to him for the interest of drama here. Damn it. All right. It's not it up at one, at one all. This will either be a tie or one of you will take it with this final question. Good to know Beethoven wasn't a soupless bitch, Wikes, for my...

Which anonymous cartoonist said this quote? Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. What? What person said this? What was that? Which anonymous cartoonist... I'm going to try Kathy Gayswight on that.

Not Gayswight. Damn. Can you repeat the question before I guess again? Which anonymous cartoonist said this quote? Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. Meh. Gary, Gary Larson.

It's not Gary Larson. It's Jim Davis. Is it called Jim Davis? It's Jim Davis. This is such a Jim Davis joke. I should have guessed Jim Davis on that shit. Fuck. Well, you know, it's it's one one.

It goes into overtime. Oh, shoot out. Goes to a shootout and you know what? Italy wins. So. So wait. So what does that mean? That that means that does that is that Chris or me?

I hate Italy. You hate Italy, so you lose. Hey, that was Slop Quiz. There's no more questions. That's it. Oh, you were serious. It's died. That was Slop Quiz.

Oh, I'm full anonymous edition. Just like a restaurant via your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. And hey, we have we have a voicemail today. Emma, let's go ahead and hear that. Hey, Joe, boys, this is Evan from Rhode Island. I got a question for you. Now that the pandemic seems to finally be coming to an end

and movie theaters start to be are starting to open. I was just wondering what your ideal seats were in a movie theater. Good question. Your all these favorite seats are in a movie theater. Thank you. And I enjoy this. Favorite seats and least favorite seats in a movie theater, Chris, I know I know you can't go out

to as many movies these days due to being a dad. But in your more in your movie going days, what would you favor? I mean, I think everybody aims for that sort of halfway up right in the middle, right? Those I think are the ideal. I personally, if I can't snag those, I'm going to go a row or two closer than that, as opposed to a row or two further back. That's just me. Interesting.

I I am last row middle is where I like to go. I like the last row. I'm a last row person. I feel like you get to your you see above everybody. You're, you know, like sometimes a lot of the time people are trying to be closer. So in the back there might not be as many people. It depends. But here's the deal.

Is that's like usually the arc light was the back row center a little to the right. Like if I'm facing the screen, I'm a little bit to the right. But but at AMC, they now have the giant seats and the theaters are set up a little bit and I actually like it's basically the third row and those big ass. So it's like the lower section. And this is this is maybe just universal city walk the way those theaters are set up. But with with those big seats at AMC's, you can be closer and not be like

crowded and I don't mind being like just a few rows back and kind of it's like you're like like you're you got a spot on your couch or something watching the movie. Yeah, I mean, I I like to go in if there is a if if these theaters cleaved into and there's kind of like the back section and the front section, I like to go at basically the front of the of the back section. So like as like as close to the front of that. Yeah. And but I always go for aisles. I love the aisle because I always have to get up to use the restroom.

I can't I'm not going to make it through even a 90 minute movie these days without one trip to the bathroom. And so I got to account for that. And I don't like being a nuisance, you know, edging my way past all these people. If I buy the the the seats, the aisle seats and you know what? It's like a you know, a capacity theater. Yeah. Can I ask you a question?

How many like per movie, how many soda jerks are you getting in? I'm going to the bathroom to empty my bladder, not to shoot a rope. And so there's so like if the if the seats next to us are unoccupied, then I'll just move over a little bit, so a little bit closer to the middle, but still like the most aisle adjacent seats possible. That's usually what I favor. But as far as least favorites, it's got to be in the front row, right? Is there anything worse?

Is there a worse place to sit? Being that close to the movie theater, having to crane your neck up? It sucks. Agreed. Yeah. And you know, it is a little better with those like because even the first row is but the first no one wants to be in the very first row, it's it's no.

Yeah, you know, yeah. And you know, I can even deal with the second row with those, the new AMC set up. But it's never it's never good to be right at the front. It's no good. It's a it's a fucking bummer. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at don'twithpodcasts at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail eight three zero go do that's eight three zero four six three six eight four four

and to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode, join the Goldener Platinum Plate Club at patreon.com slash Doughboys. Sign up now before we go hard, right? Chris Gethard, thank you so much for being here. Chris Gethard, half my life is a special. Tell us about that and anything else you would like to plug. It's special. I filmed it at nine venues all over the country, small venues self funded it

so I could just make it crazy. I do stand up for alligators at one point. It's fun. Check it out, chrisgeth.com. I'm going on the road, all that stuff. Thank you. Thank you for getting over whatever the trepidation and fears were that stopped me from being a guest for so long.

Never. And you know what? If I'm in Jersey, let's let's finally catch. Let's finally catch that Jersey devil together. I think that would be. Have you been to a Jersey diner? I've never been to a Jersey diner. No, I don't believe so.

I'll play with guys minds. You come out. I'll show you some shit, man. I would love to eat at a Jersey diner and look the devil in the eyes. That's what I want for my Jersey trip. I can make both those things happen. No sweat at all. Until next time for the Spoon Bad Mike Mitchell Abnic Wiger.

Happy. See ya. What's up, everybody? It's your boy, Mr. Slice. And guess what? I got some exciting news for you. It's time to peek at some 2022 Doe Boys tour dates. That's right, the Doe Boys are going back on tour in 2022.

CS Live in Seattle, January 9th. Portland, January 10th. Foxwood's Resort in Connecticut, February 4th. And finally, Boston, baby, February 5th. Ticket info at headgum.com slash live. That's headgum.com slash live. Do it. It's going to be crazy.

Want to see the sources for this week's intro? Check the episode description.