Doughboys - Cornish Pasty with Jon Gabrus (LIVE)

Episode Date: May 5, 2022

Jon Gabrus (Action Boyz, High and Mighty) joins the 'boys to discuss their fiber intake before a review of Cornish Pasty. Plus, another edition of The Wiger Challenge. Recorded live at Stand Up Live in Phoenix 4/28/22. Sources for this week's intro: https://www.npr.org/2021/03/11/975663437/march-11-2020-the-day-everything-changed https://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/restaurants/cornish-pasty-to-open-in-downtown-phoenix-next-month-heres-what-you-can-expect-8061568 https://www.azcentral.com/story/entertainment/dining/2017/02/10/first-look-highly-anticipated-cornish-pasty-co-downtown-phoenix/97708402/ https://www.cornishpastyco.com/history/ Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up everybody, it's your boy, The Spoon Man, and I want to talk to you about today's sponsor, Uber Eats. At Uber Eats, we've helped more than 400,000 restaurants across the U.S. reach new, hungry customers and deliver growth quickly through new orders. Uber's global platform can help you grow, reach new people, get valuable sales data, and unlock ways to expand with flexible delivery options. Get your business on Uber Eats. Get access to the Uber Eats platform, including valuable sales data to grow your business.

Dig into your data. Really dig in there. Any time to monitor your performance and customer order trends. Wow. Wow. YG's restaurant owners enjoy 0% commission for the first 30 days on all orders, offer subject to change per the terms of the restaurant agreement. Wow.

And on the first 30 days, sign up today. That link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click. There.

Or if you're on your phone, use your finger and click that link. Click that link in the episode description. Are we off? Is this on? You guys hear me? You guys hear me? It's off to a great start. Hi, Roxy.

Uh, March 11th, 2020. Hold on. Let me get back into gravity voice. Hold on. I need some gravitas here. Guys, this is going great. March 11th, 2020. To borrow a phrase from FDR, it is a date which will live in infamy.

In a dizzying barrage of life-altering news events, the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a global pandemic. The U.S. government closed the border to European travel. Celebrity couple Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced they had tested positive for the virus, as did famously annoying Utah Jazz Center Rudy Gobert, leading the NBA to cancel a jazz-thunder game moments before tip-off and subsequently suspend its entire season. And perhaps most shocking of all, the Doughboys canceled their planned March 14th live show in Phoenix, Arizona.

For Phoenician fans of this inarguably shitty podcast, the disruption added insult to injury, the performance having been rescheduled twice prior. Originally set for November 22, 2019, the date was first postponed to January 30, 2020 due to one host post-booking a conflicting job. And then that January show was also postponed due to the other host booking his own conflicting job, leading to the fateful March 2020 exhibition that would never transpire. The past two and a half years have been a long metaphorical journey for this podcast, this country and this planet.

Because it was a long, literal journey when Dean Jones immigrated from the cool seaside climate of Cornwall, England to the punishing heat of Arizona's dry, dry desert. In 2005, Jones opened a restaurant in Tempe, Arizona serving the savory pies that were invented in his homeland, a baked, meat-filled delicacy akin to a calzone or an empanada. Just don't call them pastries. Today, the beloved British Southwest chain has locations across the Grand Canyon state and in neighboring Nevada. And also today, with the NBA back in action as COVID patient zero Rudy Gobert battles

a bee sting from his own personal hive. This is true. And as the hometown Suns have defeated the Pelicans in their first round matchup, finally the Doughboys have come back to Phoenix. This week on Doughboys, Cornish Pastry Company. Welcome to Doughboys, how you doing Phoenix? An absolute, absolute delight to finally be back here. Guys, I'm Nick Weiger.

We have a fantastic show for you today. We have the best guests we could possibly bring here. And of course, before we go any further, let me introduce my co-host. This week's roast is courtesy of Amy and William. Please welcome to the stage, Deandre Adaton, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. What's up, Phoenix? Let's go Celtics. Wow.

Hey, it's Suns. You won one more time. I mean, different conference. It could be a finals matchup. All right. Sadly. What's all that new music, the new depressing music for your intro? Yes, we would be conscious of future DMCA takedowns.

Oh, boy. It's royalty-free. All right. So, yeah, we're not using the score from the last of Mohicans anymore. We are now using a royalty-free simulacrum. Wow. Yeah. I'm upset that I asked.

Mitch, you're winning. Pandemic's over, baby. The Doughboys are performing in Phoenix. The fucking pandemic is over. Finally. But better way to commemorate things. No more Fauci ouchies. The only Fauci ouchies going to be if I see that fucking Italian fucker in the street.

Wow. I'm going to kick his ass. No more pandemics, buddy. A convergence of your vaccine skepticism and your general racism towards Italian Americans. That's right. That's right, Wikes. Mitch, you describe for people who are listening to this podcast later how you are dressed right now.

This is Gabriel's Cosplay. I really did wear this in honor of our guests today, aka Pucci Cosplay. It was funny because I was like, I'm going to dress like Gabriel, and then he outgabrized me. Wait till you see him. Yeah. Wikes, I'm happy to be here. This is exciting.

What a thrill. And I have a question for the audience, and I have a feeling this is true of some of you. But by applause, who has had tickets for this show since 2019? Wow. Jesus Christ. Wow. Perfect timing. The clinch game for the Suns.

Right. Wow. It's finally happening, and then it's the same night as a closeout game of the local team during their best season ever. Sorry. Fuck, then sorry. Yeah. What can we do?

We fucked up. There's no way for us to not deliver a fuck you to the people of Phoenix, Arizona. By doing the show, most of all, the biggest fuck you of all is that we're here and doing this finally. Yeah. Wikes, this is a city not made for me. In what way? Well, my friend Courtney was like, hey, this is a great time of year to visit, and I'm

like, what the fuck? It's like 99 degrees. This is the best time of year? Yeah. This is it? She's talking about how she walks her dog early so its paws don't burn on concrete. No one should live here. It's basically uninhabitable.

Yes. Except for air conditioning. Yeah. Like that's what made this whole metropolis happen. Yes. I have to look like Dr. Moreau. We did this. I have to put towels on myself.

There's a little mini-mitch helping me out. We talked about this yesterday. We had this sunscreen on. We were sitting by the pool. That's right. And 20 minutes in, you were like, you're like bubbling. Yeah. My skin was already turning red.

Yeah. You started turning pink immediately. Also, I did it like, you know, and we talk about the financial side of this podcast sometimes. It's not a fun discussion for everyone else, but. No, it is. But this is super fun. But I was thinking like, if we live streamed footage of you and me poolside, we might do better monetarily than just doing this show.

Yeah. We should stay at home. Yeah. Take my nub out. I agree. But we're happy to be here. What a thrill. What an absolute tree.

We're very excited. What a great city. What a great crowd. And what a great guest we have. We have a great guest. Wait, do I play my drops first? You're supposed to play your drop first. Okay.

Yeah. I actually, I have in my notes here, Mitch play drop. So that's on me for not reminding you. It's not on you. Okay. Please don't look at your notes for the whole show. No, I'm going to be buried in these. People come.

They basically come for a board meeting for you. Your agenda. If I could give a PowerPoint on this projector, I would. Anyways, wigs, let's hit Phoenix with a little drop. Here we go. And how to how to Spoon Nation. Oh boy. All right, Emma hit him with a drop.

I follow the NBA pretty obsessively. I do have a sweatshirt that just says NBA, just has the NBA logo. That's like, that's, that's my domain. Because I'm a sport. Oh, classy, sticky, blasted, sassy, moody, nasty. I'm a big time NBA fan. I'm a sport. Oh, sports.

I didn't play sports at all in high school. I'm a sport. I just want all the players to have a fun time. Spoken like a. Wow. Spoken like a true sport. Oh, I want all the players to have a fun time. Hi everyone.

I'm a lifelong Timberwolves fan. Boo. I don't know. And since I don't know how you guys feel about them and since they made the playoffs this year, I've had basketball on the brain. So I made this drop. If you don't play it on the pod. It's okay since I'm used to disappointment as I'm a lifelong Timberwolves fan.

Chris Finke. We got, we've heard from Finke before. Thanks Finke. Finke drop. Yeah. Yeah. Great drop. Yeah.

Thanks to the DK. Thanks to DK and Emma for doing all that work for me. If I'd known that was the drop and I'm glad to be surprised by it because it's it's it's always more fun that way, but I would have brought my NBA sweatshirt because I do have that. I have a pink hoodie that just has the NBA logo to indicate my general fandom for the sport of basketball. We've been real comfortable wearing it in the 112 degree heat at 11 p.m.

Wags. I think it's time to get who I dressed up as out on stage. He's a big ball of energy. That's right. He's going to be funnier than us. Well, yeah, no shit. They're going to bring out Graham Keeler. He's going to be funnier than us.

We have James Carville from CNN. He's going to be funnier than us. The bar's pretty low. All right, just shut up. Don't say this in front of fucking people. They don't know that we're not funny. Yeah, they know they know. You know, you were a real.

Well, we'll get gabris involved when we talk about this in a second. Let's just say Wags is a little naughty on tour so far. No, it's not as cool as you think. How dare you? How dare you? It's the truth. Get him out here. Our guest from the podcast.

High and mighty in action boys in the upcoming show 101 places to party before you die, which is coming to true TV this summer. Check it out. John gabris. Wow. Yeah. And a Hawaiian shirt holding two blue dogs a lot. Does he enter only have two hands, brother?

Gabriel is how you do it. And how you feeling back here in Phoenix? I feels great to be back in Phoenix. The last time I was here was for a Doughboy's live show at this venue. That's right. Lovely city you guys have here. Wow. Bummer about the election.

Sorry. There were people protesting the election that Emma saw and we were wondering how much crossover. They're mostly here tonight. Yeah, the guy has a hot salad shirt on. Emma told me about it. I went and joined them for a little bit. Sure.

Just to see what they're all about. Oh, we had we've been mixed tension. We were poolside. We were hanging poolside with you. Gabriel is what's just you. You always see you seem like the mayor of the pool. You just have such great poolside energy. Thank you so much.

That's honestly one of the nicest things someone has ever said about me, but that's more about how people talk to me. I love being poolside. I love being near the water. I'm very I'm only really happy within proximity to salt water. You guys, that's an ocean. They're huge and they're outside. I mean, I can't explain it to you guys, but they're like pools.

But well, I was going to say dirtier with the exception of our hotel. I think I'd rather cannonball into the Gowanus Canal. Local Brooklyn reference for anybody. I don't know. Brooklynites, but it was fun. It was fun because you also wanted to get by the pool. Oh, I'm rarely with people in comedy who are like, let's take our shirts off and go outside.

Yeah. Comedy people are all like, shut the shades. Mitch is like, hold on. I'll be down at 440 p.m. When I'm done waking up. The fuck? I did all right. Why do you feel so bad?

Yes, you're very good at waking up. There we go. That's what I want to hear. Kapers, you flew out here with why? Because that was the plan. That was the plan. But why is Mr. fucking perfect?

Missed his fucking flight. You are so. I think it's insane that a robot missed a flight. And I think it's only slightly crazier how much you're relishing in this. You love it so much. Like you were like, oh, he always does this. And I was like, he did. He almost missed his flight to Nashville.

So that is also I made my flight to. You were the last person on the plane. But I made it. Get off your high horse because you did miss this. I did miss it. Yeah, yeah. So no, I would look. I felt like being a little naughty.

You sick. Fuck. No, I let the gamers. You psychoanalyzed. Extra leg room to crank off. You psychoanalyzed me. And I think you hit the nail on the head, which is there was a layer of me. Wanting to miss it because I did not want to be on an airplane.

So like there is a layer of like, oh, well, just like because I overslept a little bit. And I was like, I'll just do my normal morning routine instead of just going to the airport, which I should have, which was exactly me tempting fate. It was because it's low key. You're like, well, if I missed the flight, then I don't have to be on a plane. Right. And it's like you're forgetting the next step that you're like contractually beholden to do a show here. So you got to get here eventually anyway.

His normal his morning routine. I don't know if you guys have seen Silence of the Lambs, but it's a little similar. I don't know if you guys have ever had a dial up modem, but it's like that for 45. Yeah, I psychoanalyzed Nick, not recommended. OK, I felt like event horizon. I like clawed my eyes out from seeing inside the fucking vast sadness pit that is his mind. Tried to get into Mitch's mind too, but apparently he's got a layer of something around his skull. Impenetrable.

Like juggernaut. Oh, man. Oh, hell, yeah. We ordered this. Look at this. Emma, our producer, Emma, to prove that the pandemic is truly over. A gigantic tiki drink in an oversized copper mug. That has six straws for two men.

So perhaps indicating the intended party size. This is just to show our support for the city of Moscow. Great. Good. Jesus Christ. It's time to put these straws in Putin. Are you cool if I individually squeeze all these lines into our bags? Of course, please.

Is that a Moscow meal? What are we working with here? I believe it's a Moscow mule. It's the America mule to me. Wow. It's the freedom mule. The Zelensky mule. All right.

All right. There's 44 more minutes. I'm almost done with the line. What Mitch, what do you, you're here in this desert climb. I know it's not, it's not your preferred biome, but you're spending time. What do you like to do to cool as you take a big sip from these oversized straws from this oversized mug? Both of you sipping that together now. It's very cute.

Oh, shit. Bear chasers everywhere. What do you like to drink when you're, you got yourself a hot day, or maybe you're cooling your heels in the pool. What do you go with? I like, I like in New England, I like a nice shandy. I'll do a shandy. Do people not do that out here?

What are you, a 1950s pharmacist? What the fuck is a shandy? I think Roger Sterling ordered that in a season of Mad Men. People know Shandy's Edwin. You're from Edwin. Our friend Edwin is lovely. I went silly in the front row. Okay, great.

You know, you know, Shandy's. You can't populate the crowd with people who agree with your dumb fucking thing. That's what I do. Right after, there's my cousin who has been prepped about the shandy. I had Mitchell's across the country, I have him come out to the shows, tell him to laugh at my shit, and agree that they know what shandies are. It's a New England thing.

It's a little lim, it's like lemonade, half lemonade, half beer basically. I got you. The Germans call that a radler. Is that true? I think so. I might, or that's beer and lemonade or beer and sprite. I forget. They're pretty nice.

I accidentally ordered it at Oktoberfest. I was like, ooh, radler sounds like a good brand of beer. And I was like, this is really sweet. And the lady's like, it's half sprite or half lemonade. I was like, okay, I don't need that anymore. I'm just an alcoholic. I don't need all that bullshit. Is it, is it radler or rattler like the snake?

I think it's with a D. It's with a D. Okay. Okay. Oh yeah. Could you not eat? Give it up for Emma. Wow.

Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check please. I want to go. You can't? Is this one better? No. We, we, we want, we want Gabers to yell at the crowd as loud as possible. There we go. There we go.

Oh shit, that's why no one was laughing at me. Yeah. Not because I chose wrong buckets of jokes, but I chose one right bucket. No gag reflex. Oh curse you Hollywood gods. You don't want this show to happen. Oh boy. I want to watch this fucking psycho.

This show is pretty far from Hollywood. Take it from someone who's nowhere near Hollywood. Nick, are you, is your mic not working? My mic not working? Oh there you are. It's back, it's back. All right. Okay.

So sound checks over. You guys sit down. We're going to come back out and start the show and record it and all that. We're going to order another Moscow Mule for the table. Postponed thrice. We finally do it, besieged by technical difficulties. What a mess. What a debacle so far.

Yes, your intestinal difficulties. Well that's a whole. All right. I got to talk about this for a little bit. Yes. Got a little bit. Yeah, like it hasn't been, the pervade, like the text thread has been exclusively about Mitch's BMs.

So we came in yesterday. I just started to take fiber. That's right. Weigar's recommendation. Were people booing that? Yeah, I like it Phoenix. Phoenix is like boo fiber. Keep it in.

I wipe my ass with the hairdryer. Cool man. Weigar, you got me hooked on benefiber. That's right. We've been taking some benefiber. Yeah. I was doing lines at the backstage. And so I took some benefiber and I started before we came on this trip.

Recreationally? Yeah. I was taking it recreationally. And then we got here in the combination with today's restaurant and benefiber. It was truly like a Molotov cocktail. I, in my room last night, I was like, thank God I only live with cats. This is like, it was very, very, very bad. We'll get to it, but I owe the housekeeping a ton of money.

I have white sheets. Good God. What the fuck? It's a, so you were having, you were like shitting a lot because I would think that the food that we ate, which is so dense and the opposite of fibrous, it was just, it was a bunch of meat and pastry. I would think so too, but no. But you're saying that was full and then the benefiber was acting as an accelerant.

100%. Yes. Wow. Maybe it's one of those situations where like God knows what it would have been like without the fiber. Yes. Oh, good point. And then you decide out, like we be trying to put you back in like a fucking footy pajama.

What is that? Simile. Yeah, it was, it was very, it was, it was, it was bad news. The corn, Cornish pasty is look alone pasty Cornish. There you go. Remember pasties for the nips pasties for the lips. Now. To quote our server.

Our server last night. Yes. Isaiah truly did say that to us. And he kind of mumbled it the first two times. Yeah. And I heard just lips and tits. Yeah. And I was like, what does this dude say?

Yeah. Pasties for the lips, pasties for the lips. And I was just like, what the fuck? I was like, Emma, I'll handle this. Get lost, creep. Yeah. And then we had him repeat that. And that's what he said.

We should talk, we should talk about Isaiah. By the way, I was going to say, he clearly could have been talking about you and me, Gabriel. So when he was talking about the two. Yeah. It's a couple of beat cup boys coming in for some snacks. That's right. We're the beat cup boys.

Gino Mastia in the fucking house. Isaiah ruled. Isaiah ruled. Isaiah has the kind of look that when he comes up to you, you're like, yeah, I could share this joint with you, you know, like his energy. He had like, you know, games. I'm sure he maybe would have if he was, you know, punched out of work. He seemed like a guy who would be down to do.

Oh yeah. I'll share a joint with you. Yeah, no problem. Let me get you guys your iced teas. I'll be right back. We'll share that joint. Everything was just a chillest response. He was the chillest guy.

Did we order a lot of food? He's like, hey man, food's for eating. Go nuts. Like everything he said was like green lighting our worst behavior. Yeah. Yeah, man. Get the cider and the Mai Tai. That's true.

And I did just that. I'm the benefiber. If you had a cuckold fetish. Oh, sorry. An anecdotally, a lot of Doughboys listeners seem to have this. It's canon. It's canon. I think if you went to Isaiah, it was like, hey man, after dinner, can you fuck my wife?

So yeah, man, I can fuck your wife. No problem. Yeah. Like I'm not hetero, but if you need me to bro, I got you. All right. Well, do you want to fuck my friend? He's a guy. He's like, I'm not gay either, man.

Whoa, of course. You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad. You're going to Costa Rica. That's right. Why? So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun. Going to maybe see a monkey.

Oh, that's fun. Going to maybe see a bird. Just that. Just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what? Mm-hmm.

Knowing some Spanish might be helpful down there. And if you have an upcoming summer trip abroad, my go-to travel hack is Babel. Whether you're a seasoned traveler or embarking on your first adventure, communication is key to fully experiencing a new culture. That's where Babel comes in. Babel is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions. Thanks to Babel's addictively fun and easy bite-sized language lessons,

there's still time to learn a new language before you reach your destination. You know, Mitch, I've been taking some Babel lessons in Spanish a little bit. Wow. And it's a great benefit, just in terms of having some conversational knowledge of another language. With Babel, you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson, so you can start having real-life conversation in as little as three weeks, wigs. Babel's expertly crafted lessons are built around real life.

You learn how to have practical conversations about travel, relationships, business, and more. Other language learning apps use AI for their lesson plans, but Babel lessons were created by over 150 language experts and voiced by real native speakers, not computers. Their teaching method has been scientifically proven to be effective. With Babel, you can choose from 14 different languages. Plus, Babel's speech recognition technology helps you improve your pronunciation and accent. There are so many ways to learn with Babel.

In addition to lessons, you can access podcasts, games, videos, stories, and even live classes. Plus, it comes with a 20-day money-back guarantee. Start your new language learning journey today with Babel. And right now, get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to babel.com. That's babel.com. For up to 55% off your subscription, Babel. Language for life. Too busy to cook this spring with factors,

skip the trip to the grocery store, and skip the chopping, prepping, and cleaning up. You can skip all of it, Wags. Skip all of it because factors fresh never frozen meals already in just two minutes, so all you have to do is heat and enjoy, then get back outside and soak up that warmer weather. Looking for calorie-conscious options this spring, Wags? Try delicious, dietitian-approved, calorie-smart meals

with around or less than 550 calories per serving. We offer delicious, flavor-packed options on the menu each week to fit a variety of lifestyles, from keto to calorie-smart, vegan and veggie, and protein plus. Prepared by chefs and approved by dietitians, each meal has all of the ingredients you need to feel satisfied all day long while meeting your goals. With 34-plus chef-prepared dietitian-approved weekly options, there's always something new to try. Plus, you can round out your meal and replenish your snack supply

with an assortment of 45-plus add-ons, including breakfast items like egg bites, smoothies, and more wise, I had a smoothie. Today, you saw it in studio. Wow. Tropical fruit smoothie. It was delicious. Wow. Hey, want to cut back on takeout? Get factor instead.

Not only is factor cheaper than takeout, but meals are ready faster than restaurant delivery in just two minutes. With factor, you can rest assured you're making a sustainable choice. We offset 100% of our delivery admissions to your door, source 100% renewable energy for our production sites and offices, and feature sustainably sourced seafood in our meals. Head to FactorMeals.com slash DoeBoys50 and use code DOEBOYS50 to get 50% off your first box. That's code DOEBOYS50 at FactorMeals.com slash DOEBOYS50 to get 50% off your first box.

Do it. This week's chain is Cornish Pasty Company. Cornish Pasty, people call it. Pasty is yet... Two words I've never heard before with a third one thrown in that I know, but doesn't really clear anything up. Right. It's inscrutable at glance,

and then when you actually find out what it is, you're like, okay, I kind of... I still don't really understand the etymology of pasty. Yeah. But pasty... I definitely thought we were going to be eating little chickens, like Cornish Gamehands or something, whatever they're called. That's where my brain goes when I hear Cornish.

Pasty sounds like a 1940s insult or slur, basically. Right. I get out of here, pasty. I was like, whoa, shit. I still don't really get what a pasty is, but... I think it's a white person's empanada. And then I call it a pasty because we can't pronounce that. Pasty's originated in Cornwall, England, as you might assume, from Cornish.

First documented reference dates to the 13th century, and the chain was found in 2005, as I mentioned in my intro. 2005? 2005, 2005. Not that old. The location we went to, the downtown Phoenix location, opened in 2016. What? It's built...

I thought it was built in the 70s. Yeah, it seems like an old school sort of... Well, this is the thing. And beyond Isaiah, who was an absolute delight, and a great server aside from his... Vibes aside. I mean, Vibes was part of it. Yeah, he crushed his fucking job, too.

Fantastic job. Is that this place had a completely different energy than any of us expected. Like, I was expecting, okay, we're going to go to this place, and this place is going to have counter service. It's going to be like a... You get five pasties on a tray, and we all sit down somewhere in general. It'll be like a pizza by the slice place,

or a Wetzel's pretzels, maybe, you know? But no, this is like a full service restaurant with a full bar. They had fucking pool tables and darts inside. We had chandelier over our foretop. We sat at the fucking... We sat at the bar high tops, and we had individual chandelier over it. That shit is fucking class.

I don't know what these Cornish are up to, but they got lighting down. Pat, bro. You know, the fucking Cornish, good people, the Cornish. You know, I had a neighbor who was Cornish, and I didn't understand him all the time, but he was a nice enough guy. I went to some party of his.

It was Cornish Halloween or something. They played Freak on a leash over and over again. I was like, oh, that corn. If I keep trying to punctuate my jokes with sipping this Moscow mule, if we do finish this, good night, everyone. This is bad, bad news. Why would they ever make a cup like this? There's no reason for it.

By the way, did that look small in Mitch's hand at all? If Mitch took a picture with this, you'd be like, oh, well, Mitch must be drinking them. Hold on. Let's test this. If I stand on the side of the table, does this just look like a normal drink? We'll see. Yeah.

It's not that out of proportion, although it is the size of a paint can. We found a second use for those meaty fingers of yours. If your toddler died, you could store its ashes in this. If your toddler was alive, you could store it in this. You just got to do a little folding. You know what? Gabriel and I would still drink it.

When your toddler died? Just kidding. Don't boo your non-existent toddler. I have one. No, you don't. Well, dude. You have two? No, someone said too soon as in their toddler just passed away. Good God.

Jesus Christ. I think there's still a lot about fiber. Stop drinking and driving. What are we talking about? Cornish. Cornish pasty. Here's what I'll say about Isaiah. This is a big part of what made him a great server,

and when I think about servers I've really liked, and I think when we think of a server hall of fame, someone in recent memory, someone who served both of us, Mitch, at the Capitol Grill, Javier, who was just a fucking stud. You remember Javier from the Capitol Grill episode? God.

You guys rule. You sketch me out so fucking much. I'm so irked by you. But I love you guys too. I love you people. I'm trying to drop that gendered bullshit. I want an 86, anyone who fucking cheered right there. That's insane.

I didn't realize there's so many people back there because there's just a dark abyss this way. Yes. There's just nothingness. I've been staring into the nothingness for a while. You're looking at Weiger. His eyes. Weiger's who killed a Treyu's horse.

Oh, banging the old rust off. Here he comes. Couple more swigs of this. By the way, you said before this show that you don't remember the last show you were here. That's true. So there's a good chance you probably won't remember it again. There's how much vodka and there's a full bottle of vodka?

I have no idea. But I'm going to start floating my beers in here to keep them cold for when we're done. Super sticky like ginger beer. That is nice. Yeah, the show we did here, I was like, Weiger, I barely remember that show. Meaning it was so long ago and comedy shows blend together a little.

And Nick goes, man, you were so fucking funny and so drunk. And I was like, you watch me go like, thank you. Oh, okay. Yeah, I got to work on myself a little. It was a professional situation. You brought me back. And he let me order this.

A mistake. Back to Isaiah, a big part of what made him a great server and what I always appreciate in a server is confident recommendations. And I understand that part of what comes from a server, from a customer service standpoint is if I recommend something with confidence and they don't like it, that's on me. So it's a lot easier to be like, yeah, you know,

some people like this one. That was really popular. This one's my favorite. If you like this, you might try that one. It's easier to do that. But he would just fucking say like, you know, like, I was like Chipotle chicken. How about the Chipotle chicken Cornish pasty or whatever the fuck.

Yeah. And he was like, it's my favorite one on the menu, dude. That's the perfect one. The Cajun chicken. I never forgot anything Isaiah said to us. Which of these two desserts, which one he goes? Sticky toffee pudding all day, bro. Yeah.

And we're all like, sold, brother. Yeah. And he was correct. He was correct. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. Teaser. Teaser for 10 minutes from now.

Well, I'm not going to remember what's going on in 10 minutes. I'm setting myself up for when I listen back to this episode. What a fucking pain in the ass. Like we can get you any drinks we want. Like how about that giant jug of vodka? I know, right? Fucking ginger beer. On my rider is the biggest dumbest thing you guys got.

Besides me and Mitch. They do have a full bar and a few cocktails were consumed. There's a pie smasher. There was a Mai Tai Mitch. What do you think about them cocktails? Pie smasher. I don't like the name, but I got the Mai Tai. You got the Mai Tai.

It's Jason Biggs's drink. Take a second. Where'd you hear that name before? The Mai Tai was pretty tasty wise. I enjoyed it. And you're a Mai Tai head. I'm a Mai Tai guy. Yes.

I don't think it's the best Mai Tai in the world. Mai Tai is a Mai Tai guy. All right. You are. Damp. Oh, that sounds like two of you now. Jesus. You want to shout?

I'm going to respond. Dear Lord, I am a little damp. The Mai Tai was great. You're not going to get the best Mai Tai at probably a chain restaurant or at Cornish. Or at a British restaurant. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

I mean, another reason the menu is very strange, eclectic wikes. I'm sounding like you are going to stop this. Oh, that was great. But I enjoyed it. I also got myself a blood orange cider, which was tasty. It was a tasty cider. Very thick.

You saw it. Yeah, it was a frothy cider, for sure. I didn't hate it. I'm not a big cider guy. I'm not a cider guy, but it was OK. It was OK. I thought you should have tried the guava. I know.

If I got another drink. I can't believe I said we're two 40-year-old men, and I'm like, I wish you would have gotten the guava. I feel like the guava. Bro, I know, dude. I should have done it. That was a huge mistake. Wiger's like, can we please take some photos of the food?

Oh, yeah, of course. There was a pasty in my mouth. I was sucking it like Maggie Simpson. Luckily, I sucked the filling out and put the empty shell back. I'm keto. Yeah, Gabriel's cream puffed the fucking pasty. The drinks, good wise, and a good offering of drinks. Yeah.

It was nice that they had a full bar. Again, it just was not my expectations. I guess I'll also just fucking say, this was such a fantastic experience overall, and I know this is probably going to be my voice, but I had such different expectations for this place, and then it was something so unique, and also just like as a hang,

because it was just the four of us, I had the three of us plus, mostly, yeah, we're just like, just as a spot to hang out, I was like, this is fucking great. This is a great energy, and the food, which we're about to talk about, like completely surpassed by expectations.

Mitch, you insisted on this, and maybe this has something to do with the case of the rumblies that you've been battling. Despite us being basically getting a bunch of hot pockets for entrees, you also insisted we get house-made bread with butter. And we got to say, Weiger is using the word we liberally. The bread came, it got fucking hip-pocketed,

like a young Hollywood starlet, and we didn't see it again until when we left. I was very happy with ordering that bread. A fresh bread, how do you not order a fresh bread? Fresh baked each daily, as Isaiah said. Yeah, I was going to say, fresh baked every day, bro, I was like, levels.

He was the ultimate chiller, that guy. He was the coolest guy on earth. Coolest dude. He reset my vibes. He changed my whole latitude like a Corona commercial. And just to piggyback on what Nick is saying, I looked at the menu before I went, and I was like, ooh, this looks fun.

It's hardy, the menu is bigger than you think it is, and a little weirder than you think it's going to be, too. You're like, I get it, I can't wait to have a few meat pies. And then you go and you're like, oh shit, this is something different. I walk in and the vibes are like, oh, it's a full bar? And then every step of the way, I was like, shit, this place is winning. From looking at the huge fucking menu all the way through the dessert, I was like every step of the way, I was like,

I never even heard of this place until I was tagged in an Instagram about it. Was that with our show, or did they just tag you independently? They tagged me and they were like, keep an eye on this guy. The FBI warns anyone, like if I book a flight to Phoenix in my name, they're like, they go to a bunch of different restaurants. They're like, this fucking gavone is going to come in. Here's my issue. I know you said you'd never heard of this place, Gabriel,

so we had it. We had it. We did have it. Last time we were in Phoenix. We had it the last time we were here. We had it the last time we were here. So my previous statement is now considered proven. I don't remember the Chiba Hut show.

Okay, fine. I'm not going to remember this one either. It's recorded for posterity, and half of these people aren't going to remember it. Why do we do Chiba Hut? Was it 420 when we did Chiba Hut? People would just want it. It was good.

We wanted us to just do Chiba Hut. Okay, whatever. I want Chiba Hut. Yeah, Chiba Hut's fine. I don't give a shit. Cornish, I don't give a shit. You go back and roll the tape. It was like, you go in like, four and a half for Chiba Hut.

You get the cheapest pop. You can pass. I care about the pop. Isn't that right, Arizona? Let's go. I don't give a shit about that audience. I'm about this audience, baby. Fuck those people at the last show.

How many people who are here now were at the Chiba Hut show? Wow. You know, I still love all of you. Fuck those people, right? Fuck those people, Mitch. Why don't you go around and tell all these paying customers to go fuck themselves twice.

I love them. I love that you're back. Welcome back, baby. So my issue with Cornish Pasty is that it's a great, if I lived here, I'd want to go there as a bar just constantly. It's like a very, and then I would be eating Cornish pasties all the time.

Yeah, I can't go there and have just a couple of bavic super pills. I might have to fucking go ham on some pasties as well. Yes, yes. And there's so many. I mean, we didn't even try the Guinness stew pasty. I want to try that. We didn't do it.

Well, it's not lead with what we didn't try. Let them all yell at us on social media about what we missed. Oh, how could you even rate the place without trying the fucking mushroom one? You fucking pigs. It's like, Jesus Christ, sorry. You should have had the plain pasty, the one that, there's nothing in it.

It's just a plain pasty. It's just a shell. It's just a shell. You should have had the shell. I can't trust their fork rating due to the fact that they didn't have just a shell. So the show has been rendered illegitimate. I wish they would just do Cheebaugh again.

Yeah. Why are you still coming if you're yelling at us all the time? I own 200 t-shirts from you guys. I know everything I say right now sounds like I hate you, but you're all I have. Oh, no. You guys in Hollywood Handbook, and they don't talk to me.

It's dangerously close to halfway, which already is bad. I'm already, you've been drinking way more of it. I think it's half full. There you go. Maybe that's just my positivism. Let's continue, Nick. Another thing I'll say about the menu,

a lot of vegetarian vegan and gluten-free options all clearly demarcated, which is super duper helpful, including a lot of vegetarian pasties. We got some of those, but talking with the appetizers, yes, the house made bread with butter, which I did have a piece of with the butter. It was great bread.

It was really tasty. It did not need it, but it was really good. Thick, thick-ass white bread. Very super thick. It was great. I almost just, keep moving. I just think about how much I like thick-ass white bread. Can we get a Sharpie on stage

so Gabers can write down the night like Memento and remember it tomorrow? Can we get a Sharpie on stage so they can circle my fat like I'm a pledge at a sorority? They do that? I don't think so, but I went to college in the early 2000s. Someone said yes.

Someone said they do it. We were on Alpha Omega Sorority Road yesterday or something like that. Well, no, they took care of cleaning that like mile of the road. Oh! They adopted a highway. They adopted a highway.

I don't think it was like their road. Make a left on Kiwanis Club. What the fuck? Here's what I liked about Cornish Pasty. Yes. Finally. You walk up to the entrance and they got those fucking sprinklers,

the little mist sprinklers. The mist, yeah, yeah. That is nice. He shot a reboot of gorillas in the mist as fucking Mitch stood there for 15 minutes while the Uber's like, get in. He's like, hold on. I was misting.

I was misting out. It was great. It was 90 degrees at night. It was nice. It's great. It's something you'd normally see at a theme park or just outside any restaurant in Phoenix areas. Yes.

And soon to come outside of my own residence. I think I'm going to put one in. You got to get a waterproof bed and just have that shit spray on you all night. Oh, you don't have to turn the AC on. Do you have to have a girl back? You just turn the AC on and are like, oh, I'm kidding, Mitch. You'll someday have a girl back.

I can't. Hopefully not like last night. It was very bad last night. Yeah. He brought. He made it sound like you brought a girl back. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I ass up all night with the rumblies

and this poor woman was in my bed like, honey, are you coming back? It was the night of the rumblies. I was saying it was like an RL Stein book. Yeah. So you've been taking a 70 minute shower. Just a minute. Oh shit. I think I got to take another shower.

What's going on? I'll be right out. I'm not fully clean. So often in my house, I'm like, I'm going to turn on the AC and then I'm going to turn this show up real loud and I'm going to go do some stuff upstairs for 45 minutes. Being with someone else is just a pain in the ass and I shit constantly.

It's an awful life. I can't do it. You can get on track. This is this is like I'm a fiber boy now. I'm going to have the fiber will help regulate you. I'm a fiber boy. But but you can also any future. Mrs. Mitchell must pass the Wally and Irma test first.

And that's the Wally and Irma test. Oh, you haven't thought of it. I haven't thought of it. Sorry. My bad friend is going to follow up. Should have just yes. There is no Wally and Irma test. You just had to be nice to the cats.

Anyways, there's no woman in the future. Look, yes, there is. Come on. Come on, dude. There's plenty of women in the future. Now are they for you or like the future is female? Yes, the future is like all the t-shirts say so. And I'll be around.

You're definitely going to be here for a long time. Dear God, but we want to talk about the pasties, but I do want to talk about the other apps we got. The cup of leek soup that you got, which was... I got a cup of potato leek soup. It was so... I had a taste of it. I thought there'd be more cheering for that.

Oh, well. You got it. You got it. You got to like remember live comedy again, dude. You're trying to get a cheer for listing a menu item? That's how it works. The pandemic is over. We got to start trying again, okay?

No, we get a lot of mileage out of good menu items. It's true. That's true. The potato leek soup, which I liked a lot. I think that Gabriel's put it best that it was very much like batter. Yeah. It was... As a compliment, it was like hot savory batter.

Like I thought you would bake it into like a quiche or something. It was because it was so thick. It was like upside down spoon thick. It was awesome. I had a spoonful and it felt like I was just eating straight fondue. It was so rich, but it was really good. It was really... It was more than a cup would have been excessive,

but a single cup would have shared amongst allies was great. I dipped that thick ass white bread in there and I had like requiem for a dream. My heart just like encased in plaque. It was like so much. I was like... When Nick said I got a single cup, it was a single cup, but it was this cup.

That's true, yes. And it's technically just called a cup, but when Isaiah gave it to you, it's like this is the single cup. We were drinking married leek soup over here. The Scotch eggs, which you guys had. I didn't sample, but I did sample the parliament wings, which has houses of parliament sauce unclear what that was. It was kind of like a less sweet barbecue though.

Yeah, it was good. Very vinegary. They didn't like soak it in the... It was just like a splashed on the wings in a good way. Quality wings. Did you like them? Scotch eggs. I did like the Scotch eggs.

A fun name, first of all. Very fun name. Scotch eggs are fun. I thought they were tasty. They had a nice mustard sauce with them too as well. I fucking love Scotch eggs. They're for real. Do you feel like you're healthy eating them?

Because it's like, it's all protein. It's like breading in the sausage, and you're dipping it in honey, and you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fucking... Very healthy, very keto, brother. The keto guido is gonna fucking have a couple of Scotch eggs. Man, the keto guido is a great character. I think Vidi Guadiguino, the guy from Jersey Shore and Guy Code,

might actually wrote a book titled that. Oh my God. You're gonna get a cease and desist. One of my, he didn't write a book. I think a guy loosely connected to him wrote a book and put his name on it. It's funny to think he hasn't read that book. Broccoli and Ch...

Like if we make a Doe Boys book, I'm not gonna read that bullshit. I know. We were supposed to. Yeah, we're supposed to read it. Yeah. It's like super important. Arguably, it's fundamental.

Phoenix Sun's great Charles Barkley, famously remarked that he was misquoted in his own memoir because he had, like, hadn't read it. And so when he later on was like, oh yeah, it was, you know, taken out of context there. He was like, you wrote this book. It was by you.

He also famously beat T-Rex in basketball. Yeah, that's, yeah, it was Godzilla. Oh, Godzilla, yeah. Well, sorry, I don't believe in Godzilla. You fucking creationist freaks can believe in Godzilla, but I think the dinosaurs were real, okay? Broccoli cauliflower cheese break was another one I got, which was, we got,

which was just like eating a solid version of broccoli cheddar soup. But it was really good. And hey, I waited to get at least some vegetable matter in there. And also, Emma and I got half garden salad. See, that's what you do. Okay, I'll try that. I'll stick to jokes. I do think that that with that, hey, it's possible.

I don't know if that was the, that's the full line of demarcation, but it's possible that having that salad made us just feel a little bit better than you did. I'm just saying. I will say that because I too skipped salad because who makes friends with salad? You don't make friends with lettuce.

And I've, I also had plenty of GI distress in the evening. I didn't sleep and I woke up at six, seven and eight for three visits. But, and I was like, later on today when I was like, when you, when Emma and Nick were like, I was fine. I was fine. I was like, fuck. It's that half garden salad.

Yeah. I'd have been the difference maker. No, it's like, we put no greens in ourselves and at that meal, except for like, no, no. I was like, we had greens and something. And I was like, oh shit, I can't even place anything. Maybe it was one that some greens in a pasty, but I don't think so.

Not the ones we picked. We also got back to the hotel. If you remember this after our meal. Yeah, it was definitely after our meal. We got back. Yeah. That was a sequence of events. We got our meal back to our hotel.

And remember, they were like, like, they were like, Hey, they're like, just to give you a heads up, there was like a little fire. They said, they said somebody's upset. Hey, just as a heads up, what floor are you guys on? And we were like, huh? We rattled off our floors and room numbers. You got to pay for a platinum plate club to hear

what rooms were standing. Bleep all this, Emma. No, but then they were like, somebody's burning something. And the woman said it like, I was like, oh yeah, so smoke a weed upstairs. And you saw mine and Emma's eyes light up like, well, then we could sneak a couple of J-Bones in under this smell.

And then we get in the elevator and I thought we were having a triple stroke. It was so, the burning smell was so small. It was so strong. It was so strong. And it was someone burn popcorn. Someone burn popcorn upstairs. Someone burnt a shit ton of like movie theater amount

of popcorn and burnt it in like a fucking Kelvin scale or something. It was stunk to high fucking heaven, like the whole hotel. But in hindsight, the night you and I had, probably good, it's like lighting a match for the entire hotel. As a matter of fact, if you, someone could call the bleep and ask them to burn some more popcorn

because I'm bringing home some ginger beer. The woman at the front desk gave a funny aside to me. She was telling you this and then she leaned into me and goes, I kind of like the smell of burnt hair. Very strange. You guys, did you not hear this? No, we didn't. That was just to you.

That was just for you. I swear to God. Because I made the joke, I was like, oh good, burning popcorn is better than like burning hair or burning a crack rock. And she's like, what? And then she leaned into me and she said, I kind of like the smell of burnt hair.

And I was like, huh? Back away slowly. You just stuck your arms out and said, fire bad. Well, we got chased out of Cornish pasty by a group of people with torches and pitchfork. So let's talk about, let's stop all the pasties and just chime in with your thoughts on any of these in any order.

But we got the cottage pie, the Royale with cheese. Cottage pie is seasoned ground beef base. That also has peas and carrots. Another recommendation I said, were you really either going to do the cottage pie or the, what's the other one? The shepherd's pie. Shepherd's pie.

Shepherd's pie is like cottage pie. All the way, man. Zero second hesitation. And this dude is like mentally built for hesitation. And he was like, cottage pie. Order it cottage pie, man. The Royale with cheese is like burger, fries, onion, bacon and mushroom and barbecue sauce in there.

Or barbecue sauce on the side, rather. Chicken pot pie, as you might expect. It said came with ranch, Thousand Island ketchup or barbecue sauce. We got Thousand Island. Kitchen chicken pot pie, as you would expect it, just in the pasty form. And I guess we should describe the pasty

of people listening who have maybe not never had this. It's like, they're pretty hefty. This is like two dead infants or something. It's sort of like, it's like an empanada with croissant dough. It's like a little, it's like a flakier empanada. Super flaky, at least the way it was prepared here. It was really, really good technique on the baking side. But we were worried that we were going to get like too many of them.

And we did. We kind of did. We got six for three big eaters and an additional fourth person. And we did not finish all six of them. It was a lot of fucking pasty. We could have like backed off on the apps, too. But we had like, Yeah, we got like really excited about apps.

We're here to taste pasties, brother. The Cajun Chicken, as I mentioned was, as we mentioned was the Isaiah recommendation. The Pilgrim, which is a turkey sweet potato. And you dip that in some red wine gravy and cranberry sauce. Two different sauces, which was a lot of fun. And then, hey, we met a few people at the restaurant, including Aaron and Bob.

Aaron recommended the balsamic portobello. They decided not to come. They're right there. They're right there. They were able to get a babysitter. That's wonderful news. This was one of those interactions where it's happened so often, Mitch, where a listener's spouse has come over to talk to us

and said that their boyfriend or husband asked them to come over on their behalf because they were so shy. That's happened so frequently that now people do it as a bit. And now they come over and they're like, hey, like, hey. I don't think this was a bit. This was not a bit. This was the original version. Was it a bit? Your wife can answer for it.

No, she is answering. He came over and was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm like, hey, go ahead. Genuinely trembling. It was slightly scary. It did seem like you were about to choke one of us. Some of us were hoping.

I'm drunk. But this thing is fucking bad news. This is hands down the most amount of ginger beer I've ever had in my entire life. Ginger's good for your stomach, though, so I'm going to be in good shape tonight. This one's mushrooms, mozzarella, and spinach and basil and comes with a side of marinara for dipping. So as a vegetarian option, and I ate some of the poultry ones as well.

I'm not eating red meat right now. I wish we'd sampled more of the veggie side of the menu because this was really tasty. It was really flavorful. And the column is like a third huge column of the menu. A lot of them. There's a ton of options. You know what I wish?

Not to try more of the vegetarian side of the menu. What if a genie appeared right now and granted you that wish and was like two more and you were like, oh, what a fucking waste. I guess we all never eat off the veggie side of the menu again. You know what I'm doing? Wish too. Give me that Weiger hog. And I want it off of him and on me.

Not only do I want that, I don't want him to have it anymore. Dick Swap is a pretty good pitch. I feel like that could be a movie. Yeah, I think you could probably get that on Netflix or something. Dick Swap. Not anymore. Sudakis and Bateman switch dicks? Oh man.

I like that one a lot. The Pilgrim was the other one that I just thought was an absolute home run. I thought that was so great. We need to get rid of this drink. I'm getting fucked up. Between the two dipping sauces. And I thought the turkey was really good quality. That's a big part of it.

This wasn't like some shitty frozen turkey breast. This was like real birth. And it wasn't like cubed and clearly sitting in the sauce forever. It was like shredded poultry. Like pulled poultry. Everything was better than I thought it was going to be. And I didn't even have that low of expectations once we sat down. Once we walked through and sat down and engaged with Isaiah.

I was like, oh fuck, we're in good hands here. And then the appetizers came. I'm like, shit, these are banging. And then pasties even surpassed that in my book. Because I was still expecting like, you know, hot pockets that cost 14 bucks or whatever. And it was so much more than that. So which was the standout for you? You think the...

I think the Pilgrim. I liked that one a lot. I also liked the chicken pot pie, which was good. But it was just very down the middle. You liked the chicken. Chicken pot pie was my least favorite of the bunch. But they were all good. Oh, what the fuck?

You didn't cheer when I brought up another menu item and I got booed for the fucking not liking one? There's 90 fucking items on the menu, people. Relax. We're going to mention everyone's favorite. Mitch didn't like the chicken pot pie. I don't think he should be a dope boy anymore. How can he give it for his forks if he never even had the coins, chicken? I get booing. He just booed me for my bad jokes. My husband wanted to say that he didn't like that Mitch didn't try the normal pasty.

He's over there. Yeah, he's the grown man with us. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for telling me this information. God. Everyone we met last night was great, by the way. I want to say that. Shout out Heather and Morgan and their mom. Heather and Morgan and their mom.

Maybe they were sisters or one of them's mom is here. Shout out, you guys. You peeps. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. All right. Shit, I remembered their names. Fuck yeah.

Gabriel, you like your standard, I believe was the Royale with cheese, which I did not try. The Royale with cheese was my personal favorite. And I think it was because I was like craving a burger in a weird way too. And the thousand Island dressing hit that in a fun way. Yeah, I think my top three would be Royale with cheese being number one. Number two is that Cajun chicken, which I was not stoked to order. But when Isaiah went off on it, I was like, fuck it, let's bring it. And then there's got, it's like ham and bacon in there too.

Right. We're Gucci. And then for the, my third favorite would be what it was, keep calling it the harvest, the pilgrim. Pilgrim. Why do you keep calling it the harvest? I think that's the name of the turkey and stuffing sandwich at a deli in my hometown. Sense memory.

I think I'll go number, Jesus Christ. Can you get back on this, please? Oh fuck. You don't have to do it right now. Okay. Yeah. Do it right now. As Mitch takes a gigantic chug.

Even easier than listing menu items to get applause. Just destroying yourself and your personality. I should note that we made a point of not eating dinner before the show. So you guys are having a lot of blues on an empty stomach. All right. Take it easy. Let's, let's pivot to the, wait. Fuck off, man.

You don't have to listen to this fucking guy. You do it every one, man. You're with me now, brother. We're good, man. I'll get a second one. Can we get a second one? Less of the ginger beer. That shit's upset me.

Can we get like a half a bottle of Stoli to top this off? Jesus. Sorry. Let's talk desserts a little bit. Wait, Mitch, did you have any other pasty thoughts before we move on? Any more pasty thoughts? I do have a couple more pasty thoughts. I like the Cajun chicken the most.

And I like, I thought cottage pie you were going off on though. Oh shit. I really like the cottage. I'm fucked up. Oh, I don't remember last month. You don't remember last night's dinner. Cottage pie was great. I really did like that cottage pie.

But I mean, I think all of them were pretty. I mean, even you're a vegetarian and I don't want to see that condescendingly. Even that vegetarian one was that shitty vegetarian one was great. Yeah, I don't want to say this condescendingly, but even the shitty dumb one that you picked that we had to forcefully eat because you're on some weird fucking deal. The one night when you ordered it and I was like, oh, come on, that one. That was pretty good.

The one where we chased Isaiah in the kitchen. I was like, honestly, if you don't want to bring that, you don't have to bring that. He'll be okay. He's not going to ever complain. He's not going to ever actually talk to you, so don't worry about it. I also, while we're on the subject, the pilgrim coming with two dips was fantastic. Do a little gravy and then a little crayon on top. That was like my soy sauce and wasabi on my giant baked roll.

The desserts. So we got one of the sweet pasties, which was the apple caramel. And then we also, which is the same as the savory side, but then it's just got some sweets inside and topped. And then we also got the sticky toffee pudding, which we mentioned earlier, with a toffee-drenched sponge cake with dates with a little ice cream. They both came with ice cream, a little vanilla ice cream. That was a fun moment when you were like, and we'll take a side of ice cream.

And Isaiah's like, hey, they both come with sides of ice cream. But if you want a third, I got you. And I was like a tear in the headlights. I was like, what should I do? You only got one shot. Me and Weiger were like, I think the two scoops is enough. Then we looked over and Mitch had a single tear. A third scoop couldn't hurt.

Fucking Sarah McLaughlin strumming a fucking guitar. There are hungry bears in your neighborhood. Leave out salmon for the hungry neighborhood bears. I wanted the dessert pasty to be the winner because I was like, this is a pasty shop. It would be great if that was like, they had a dessert version of this that was just such a great execution that it was undeniable. But that sticky toffee pudding was so good.

It was just such a home run of a dessert. I told you guys that it was a regular toffee pudding until I ordered it. You did say that, yes. You kept saying extra sticky. Oh, you're making a cum joke. I get it, bro. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, it's good.

That's cool, man. I can like, I can nut on that real quick if you want me to. Come on in. I can blast a load on it. No problem. Hi, my husband sent me over and he said, because Mitch made that cum joke that the episode should be, you have to redo Cornish pasty.

Did you get, what did you get? I mean, that sticky toffee pudding was great. It was, it was delicious. Sticky toffee pudding was. Sticky toffee pudding. All three of us said it wrong and fast. But really, the sticky toffee pudding is delicious. This is almost gone.

This is bad news. That makes two of us. Yeah, I'm kind of having fun now. I'm starting to really like this dumb podcast as I, I see what you guys like about it now. It's like, get blasted and these idiots will just talk. I get it. It's really fun.

It's like, we have extra money to burn. We want to go have some drinks. Let's just let a show happen live next to us. Sticky toffee pudding was great. I mean, the, I thought that this, I thought that even the pasty was, was decent. It was great. It was really tasty.

Sticky toffee pudding wins the dessert wars. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Which is a really sad thing. We have a lot, you know, Yeah. We should thank our dessert troops. Gabor's not going to list in the dessert, dessert wars.

They spit on us when we came back from the dessert wars. They're not real wars. They kept saying it's an act of aggression. Well, let's get to our fork scores here on. Hey, that's part of this shit too. Yeah. Here on Cornish pasties. Yeah.

Dave Gavis, you know how this works. We just go around, give your closing argument if you will, and then assign a fork score to this chain from zero to five. You are a guest. I'm lit. It's like when you come out of a chlorine pool, like there's rings around these lights right now. I don't think that's supposed to happen

when you come out of a pool either. Like I told you at the hotel, you're not supposed to drink all that. You had like a big cartoon straw and it like this. Like a giant in a fucking Disney cartoon. Okay, fork scores. I got to go. Shit, man.

Like this is, I got, I'm torn. I'm going to have to go with four and a half forks. Wow. Very good score. Four forks two times. And honestly, I think it's a four fork restaurant, but I came in thinking two forks. Oh boy.

And it's so fucking counter punched me so hard that I was like, you get four and a half. I just like don't throw fives out there. That's all I'm saying. It's like the only thing stopping it from a five is my extremely nuanced rating system. Sure. So four and a half forks for Cornish pasty company.

Wow. Very good score. All right, spoon man. How you feeling? What's your fork score? Well, I might be generous because I've had half of this fucking gigantic drink. Yes.

Oh boy. Half. All right. A quarter of it. What the fuck do you want me to say? I chugged a bit there for a minute. I have fucked up. Look, here's the deal.

These are slong straws. I... These are slong straws. These are long straws. So contrary. The straws are too long. Just like a Diego to bring a straw to a gunfight. I can say that word.

I'm like full. You say that after a lot of slurs I've noticed. I can say that word. I can say that. I can say that. I had two Filipino friends in junior high. I get due to golly curses, okay? Trust me.

We reach out to them on Facebook. They're like, we did not like gamers. We were two teachers at the school. We were not his friends. He was a fucking loser. He still bullied us. Hey, I love corny. I love corny.

I love corny. We know. We've seen love. We've seen love. I barely a dig. It was a great successful Netflix show. Wags, I'm... Oh, boy.

This was bad news. I got... This is gonna be hard to watch, but I have to pick Mitch up and blow in his asshole like a Nintendo cartridge just to reset him. And for the listeners, what you're about to hear is super upsetting.

Spread them, dude. Spread them. Come on. Nick, help me. Pull one to the left. All right. Goddamn, this thing's wide, wide, wide, wide. All right, I think you should be ready to go.

Oh, Wally. Where's that Irma? I can't tell. That's a Wally and Irma test. Can you find them in my colon? Oh, fuck. So many of our listeners just started pounding off in their commutes

like, oh, yeah. Finally. It's bigger than I ever imagined. The guy turned, yeah, told you he had a huge asshole. Wags, I'm horny for corny, baby. All right. All right. Do I make you corny, baby?

I really, first of all, I love the vibe of the place. Isaiah gives it half a fork on his own. He was fantastic. It is truly... Imagine looking him in the eyes and saying, hey, man, you're half a fork in my book. Hey, that's pretty cool, dude. You mean like a clam fork?

That's cool to hear, man. Whatever. I know. I know. It's a lot. We talk about how it's a restaurant good. It's a restaurant good at what they do. That's right.

And this is such a unique, crazy restaurant. And it's fantastic. Like every pasty we had was good. The chicken pot pie, which I didn't love, was still good. None of it was bad. I would still be stoked if I had that somewhere, but it was just not as good as stuff that was fucking stellar. Even that vegan Portobello jaunt was a little better

than the chicken pot pie in my book. I mean, I liked the vegetarian option better, but I... Wags, I would be remiss if I didn't... I know that I try to give good scores, but this is, hey, like those Phoenix Suns tonight. New... For the listeners, I did a little basketball shot

because I knew Mitch needed that extra juice from the crowd. It was hitting on all cylinders like the Phoenix Suns. Wow. Until they faced the Celtics in the finals, of course. Oh, come on. It's not even... We don't know if it's gonna happen. Warrior.

Warrior. Oh, what the fuck? Get him. A tech... A fucking tech bro at our show. It's not a Doughboy show, unless one audience member is beaten to death by a mob. Hit him with baguettes.

Yeah. I gotta go, uh... I gotta go the full... I gotta go the full five forks, baby. Wow, five forks. I gotta... Great score. Now...

I love this podcast too. I love the fork rating system. But are you guys all cheering for a restaurant that you have no real, like, pardon? Getting five stars? Or are you guys just pumped to hear Mitch say five... Oh, you love it there. Yeah, I think so.

So you like the restaurant so much, it feels like we're valid... It's being validated. Stop questioning stuff like this. I'm just curious because we have them in the palms of our hands. We just yell numbers and they cheer. So let's just... No shit, damn shit.

Just keep it going. We don't know when it's gonna stop. I'm out here slamming a fucking Moscow Mulder and press these people, and all they want to hear is the number five. Well, I've had five sips. Somehow you got drunker than last time. I don't know how this happened.

God bless you. God bless you. We're always so honored to have you. What an absolute delight. You're the best. He's the best. We love Gabriel. No one's funnier.

He's very funny. Okay, now that applause I get. That makes a little more sense in my book. And I'm so glad that I got Cornish Pasty with the two of you and with MR, producer, because it was such a delightful trip. I'm really, really glad we got it last night, not the night of the show,

because if we'd been loaded up on meat pies, now to go on stage and do a show for 90 minutes, we'd been... I was going to pull Mr. Creosote. I was going to explode on stage. It was going to be tough. So I'm really glad we... So it's a punishingly heavy meal,

but it's absolutely worth it. And, you know, Mitch, you touched on it, but, like, the thesis of this podcast is this place to live on the promise of the premise. This is the Cornish Pasty Company. Does it have a good Cornish Pasty? I didn't really know what a Cornish Pasty was exactly. Still don't, personally.

I know it's for the lips and not the tits. That's right. Oh, no! Oh, I misquoted Isaiah. I misquoted Isaiah. He says pasties for the nips. Yes. Pasties for the lips.

That's right. He didn't say tits. He said nits. I don't want to put words in Isaiah's mouth. Yeah. I thought you said tips. Which we did not do. Well, I brought one.

I brought one back to my hotel room. One tip? No, a pasty. Oh. I did the... I was saying I fucked a pasty for God's sake. Oh, we get it. Okay.

I like Jason B. There you go. American pasty? As a signature dish, it's extremely well executed. And they have a lot of variety. And all the ones we tried, I thought, worked. They were all good to varying degrees. They have a lot of different items on their menu.

They're sort of the sort of gastropub side of the appetizers and the desserts, I think, are great. It's great that they have a full bar, great atmosphere, fantastic service. I'd like to inaugurate an award, the Isaiah Award for Outstanding Customer Service. Wow. Motion seconded by the guest.

So in the future, Mitch, and we'll track this, but if we have a server who goes above and beyond, they will get an award in the name of Isaiah. Vetoed. I'm kidding. Why? Why are you booing me? I'm kidding.

It's approved. I give it the spoon stamp of approval. Wow. I love it. Wait, you really got them now. You're like just playing them like a concert. Like... Do you think when Weigher is with a lady

and he drops his pants, they're like, only the tip. Jesus. Jesus, I think you should tip 15%. I'd like to inaugurate that award, and I'd also like to welcome Cornish Pasty into the Golden Bike Club. Wow.

Five Forks. Hell of a chain. One of the best... One of the best tour dining experiences I personally had, Mitch, especially if we go the same way. Just a terrific experience and a terrific night. All around, and as many as we've done together,

which is a lot, but not as many as you guys have obviously done, but that's the best one, the three of us have ever sat down to do. Absolutely fantastic. Calm run. By the way, this is gone. It's mostly ice. It's just water.

Right to your door. That's right, Weigher. Wild grain is the first ever bake from frozen subscription box for sourdough breads, fresh pastas, and artisanal pastries. Unlike typical supermarket bread, wild grain uses a slow fermentation process

that's easier on your belly, lower in sugar and rich in nutrients and antioxidants. Every item bakes from frozen in 25 minutes or less. You'll never run the risk of getting bored with wild grain. They're constantly adding new, seasonal,

and limited time special items to try. Plus, for every new member, wild grain donates six meals to the greater Boston Food Bank Wags, Boston Baby, so you can eat good and do good all at the same time. All you have to do is sign up

at wildgrain.com. and choose which type of box you want to receive and how often. It's easy to reschedule, skip, or cancel. Plus, for a limited time, you can get $30 off the first box. Plus, free croissants in every box.

When you go to wildgrain.com to start your subscription. You heard me. Free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgrain.com That's wildgrain.com

or you can use promo code DOBOIS at checkout. Do it. All right, as you guys suck vigorously on the remnants of this cocktail intended for a party of 12. Three straws is too much.

It's time for a segment. And hey, since we're here IRL, I've got a mystery drink and Mitch and Gabriel must define what it is. It's the return of the Weiger Challenge and please welcome to the stage our own Emma Erdbrink with the mystery substance.

Emma just told us there are 16 shots of vodka. Come on, let's play cool. Oh, we're okay. Wow. Well, it turns out we're just lightweights. Yes, that's a word everyone uses to describe us. Yeah, so, yeah, like, oh, you guys get drunk off of four shots of vodka.

You fucking lightweights. That's a lot of alcohol. You didn't have dinner. Let's get another one, I say, for real. All right, you guys have a mystery beverage described for our audience. It's gingery, it's vodka-y. Okay, that's not the beverage. It's a cocktail.

Wait, this little thing over here? Yeah, that's in a pint glass. I don't want to be served in glasses like this anymore. I only give me these size glasses from here on out. I'm gonna drink a cold brew in this every morning and then fucking die in two weeks. Let us know what you're perceiving in terms of sight, sound, smell, and taste,

if you want to take a sip. It looks a little tea-like to me. It's got big Arnold Palmer vibes in the color. I can't smell anything, which makes me feel like maybe the pandemic isn't over. I did wear a mask on my flight, was one of the only people, and it was obvious that other people wanted me to take it off, something that doesn't affect them at all.

Including some flight attendants? Sure. Weird time to fly. I can't smell shit. I can smell shit. Sorry. I can't smell anything. Okay, no smell.

It smells a little bit like tea. It does smell like tea a little bit, I feel like. Don't spill it. Don't spill it. It smells like tea. I put some in my nose, almost. I'm tasting it. Here, Bruce is having a sip.

It tastes like tea. It tastes like tea. It's definitely in the iced tea fam. Nick wouldn't just hand us an iced tea for the Weiger Challenge. There is a weird aftertaste to it. Oh, for sure. This is not a charged lemonade from Panera, is it? I almost ordered one today.

Then we found out it was like green tea, Gorana, and I was like, Mitch, be careful. I got 11 Diet Cokes today. I don't throw any more caffeine in there. Why, I'm thinking 100% some sort of tea. Wow. Is it, okay. Buzzing in.

Is it a... I have my answer. You have your answer? Yep. All right, I want to say them at the same time? No. Okay. So I'll say mine first.

Yeah, good point. Raspberry Arnold Palmer. Oh, shit. I thought maybe we were close and would have been fun to say it at the same time, but solid no from your scene partner as always. UCB trained. I spent like $1,800 there.

Best money I ever spent. I'm going to say Lipton Lemon Iced Tea. Oh, shit. We got to go brands? As Emma round, do we know the brand? I can buy them. What the fuck kind of Weiger challenge is this shit? Emma's sprinting to a nearby 7-Eleven.

We might need a tiebreaker here because you're both very close, but if there is some sort of Lipton involved, I might give it to Mitch. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. The lemonade is? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Good job, you fucking...

Mitch, you have won the Weiger challenge. Wow! It is an iced tea lemonade and Arnold Palmer, aka Nick Weiger, made with Lipton Lemonade. Wow! Well, you said Arnold... Oh, boy.

You said Arnold Palmer earlier. You said Arnold Palmer. That's not close enough, if you ask me. Thank you. I said Raspberry Arnold Palmer, so you, sir, were correct. All right. And honestly, I would not ahead of time

choose to go head-to-head against Mitch in a sugary beverage competition. This dude's wheelhouse is like smashing fucking weird... What do you love? Chandy's and shit? You fucking freak? I'm convinced I can do a sniff test.

We talked about this recently. We talked about a sniff test, yes. We want to do a sniff test. We're stuffing beers into the... It's all ice now, so... I think that if you got different bags of McDonald's Burger King and Wendy's and you just put it in the bag and shook it up,

I could tell you what item it is by sniffing. I think I can do it. I believe you can do it. Could you do it without a hard-on? Because I could do it, but I'd be hard the whole time. Huffing fucking BK chicken fries? Good luck trying to stay flascito during that.

Hey, just like a restaurant value feedback. Let's open up the feedback. So we have a few audience questions. Emma has a prescreen. Emma, who are we bringing up here? All right. I got Tara, Larry, and Alex. And I'm going to stand right over here on this edge

if you want to come over to here. All right, Tara, Larry, and Alex, if you submitted a question, and that is your name, make your way over to... Or send your significant other up to ask the question for you. Hi, Tara.

Question on behalf of Michael. Oh, here we go. What's your name? Tara. This is Tara. Tara. Sorry, Tara. Sorry, Tara.

My husband's name is actually Michael. That works. What's his question? So if you guys could put any food into a pasty and make the ultimate portable meal, what would you put in there? Wow. Fuck, this is a great question.

It's so specific to the chain. Fucking awesome. Tara, well done. I have my answer already. I have my answer too. It's good. This is like one of my go-to favorite things. Al pastor and cheese inside.

Would be like a dream... And diced pineapple. That sounds really good. Like a little bit of pineapple in there. Fuck, the audience loves that. I'm hard. I'm going to throw a bit of an inception at everybody. The pasty, pasty.

It has a spinning top inside of it. A pasty inside of a double breaded pasty. What do you want to fill? Wow. You want to fill a pasty with that bread and butter? Yes. You want to jam white bread, white flour bread into a pasty? Or that potato leek soup batter inside of the fucking pasty.

Bro, that's not a bad idea. If you bite the top off, let it cool off, and then you sip from it. It's like a portable bread bowl. Give us portable bread bowls. I love that. Give us a portable soup. Drive to work.

6 a.m. with a pasty full of fucking hot leek soup. I don't need my hot brown anymore or whatever. You know what? I'm not sure because a lot of UK pub food, oftentimes they'll have like Indian food on the menu. So they might already have like a chicken tikka masala. They do. And then a vindaloo too.

A vindaloo. Okay, those sound great. So I would maybe swerve from that direction and say like, hey, you want to do like a panang curry in there? Like a shrimp panang curry? Or maybe like a tofu for the vegetarians? That might be fun. And it also say, how about fucking mac and cheese and hot dogs?

Now we're talking. Fuck, dude. Now we're talking. Fuck, dude. I am so happy now. You just warmed my white trash heart. Tara, do you have a pitch? I would probably put like,

maybe some kind of like spicy Korean meat of some sort. Oh, there you go. Oh, there you go. Spicy Korean beef, some kimchi in there. I love that. Wait, I want to just change my answer. Tara, this question is so fucking good. I can't stop thinking about it.

Shout out, Tara. It's a concise, quick question. It wasn't even about her answer, but we asked her anyway. She's crushing it. Chicken parm, pasty. That would be good. For something that exists in the tri-state area

that I don't see a lot outside of there is a chicken roll, which is like chicken parm in like a phylo-dough type situation, which you can't find on the West Coast. And a pasty might be the fix. Oh, fuck, dude. Marinara dip on the side. Marinara dip was my high school nickname. You always had a lip of Marinara dip in.

Yeah. I was a pitcher who would just spit fucking... Spit no Marinara? Froddi Avlo for the play-offs. Thanks so much for the question, Tara. Give it up for Tara. Give it up for Tara. All right.

Michael's going, was a good question that I had, right? All right, we have someone wearing a Taco Bell shirt. Oh, hell yeah. Very cool. I think we have to be a little more clear, because there's a dozen of them here. Hi, give us your name and your question.

Hi, I'm Larry, 12th letter on the Doors Code. Oh, shit, what's up? What's your name on the Doors Code? 12th letter. I'm not very active on there, but I'm on there sometimes. That's honestly better for you in the long run. Good work, Larry. Proud of you.

It's a healthier lifestyle, I guess. Exactly. You know, in moderation, literally. So my question is, if you guys had a Doughboys meal akin to like a kid's meal, but it came with a toy, what kind of toy would you guys put in there? Or item?

It doesn't have to be a toy. Oh, I like that. Come on, fucking Minions. No, that's what you have for the Doughboy meal? Yeah. No, you can't do that. They're Minions dressed up like us. No, I like that.

They're Mitch and Weigur Minions. All right, that's fun. Yeah. He's going to be more fun than that. Like a little Weigur toy with self-suck action. And a bitch can like roll up and do a ball and you roll them all around. Kung Fu throat grip?

Mine would be... The Emma Toy just smokes. The Emma Toy is also a vape battery and it's like, why would we give this to kids? I think my toy would have to be a baseball. Get outside, fucking. Throw it around.

You know, get a little fresh air. Do you want to hear what like the meal would be too? What the fuck are you asking? If you want, Mitch, if you want. Yes, what the toy would be. What's the toy? Mitch, I was thinking the toy, like you'd be a spoon and then you'd transform it to a Mitch.

Oh, that's fucking rule. Like the transforming McDonald's ones. That's my answer now. You didn't even understand the question and you were shitting on Weigur's answer. Weigur just had the balls to answer Larry's convoluted question first. Yeah, no, I think the Mitch Spoon toy,

I don't know what you were talking about. Weigur. Weig's turns into just Weig's. It turns into a robot. It turns from a laptop into a podcast host. What the fuck? Weigur's toy is just like a little rundown of a fake Doh Boy show on a tiny fake podcast.

And a kid gets to pretend that they have show notes to go over. Thank you, Larry. Great question. Thank you. One more with one more questioner. Hi, what's your name? What's your question? My name is Alex.

Hi, Alex. What's up, Alex? So my question was that you are the host of like an Iron Chef style show. What is your secret ingredient? And forgive me, I'm not a big Iron Chef head. The secret ingredient usually like fucks over the contestants in a way.

It's like the one thing that has to be in everything. Yeah, and it's like makes it difficult, right? Yeah. Okay, cool. I love that shirt, by the way. Is that a raccoon shirt? Yeah. What does it say?

Trash, but like cute though. I love it. That's very nice. That's right. I saw two raccoons fucking one time. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. You've mentioned this before, yeah. It was.

Outside of UCB. You know. I know the raccoons that you're talking about. I'm a big fan. I used to hang out there and just crank it. I've told us on the podcast before. I was getting people to be like, hey, look at this. It's funny.

Yeah. And people were like, you're weirdo. One time on a walk, me and Tiffany saw like a fully nude man dancing in his living room. And he was like so hot. He was like jacked and had a huge dick. And he was just like, I think he was filming something for someone, but he had like left his window open and me and Tiff are just on the street staring. And then we're like, do you feel like a creep?

I'm like, he's in front of his picture window. Like this is a okay. Wiger was the Michael Jackson eating popcorn gift out front. Okay. Okay. Here we go. We're almost done with the show. I'm so fucked up.

Here we go. What was the question? The question was, if you were an iron chef type host, what would be your ingredient that was forced into everything? I love iron chef. And in fact, I watched a bunch of the Japanese iron chef back when it was dubbed and they aired it on PBS. Of course.

I remember this, but they had like... Subs not dubs, dawg. Come on. Well, that's the version that was localized. So yes, I would of course prefer subs, but it was dubbed. What could I do? My choice was not to watch it. So I'm gonna watch the dubbed version.

The same way when I saw Princess Mononoke in theaters for the first time, I saw the dubbed version. Jesus Christ. That's when we got a theatrical release. Now you're talking about... When they brought it back, I saw the subtitled version for the anniversary. Push the power button. We need a hard reset.

All right. For the listeners, I'm gonna have to pick Nick up and blow in his ass. That's what I wanted. And it inflates his dick like a magician. There's no echo sound. It's like only dogs can hear that sound. It's like, wheeee! You've got mail.

I loved it. And the thing I remember from it was Fukui-san. I don't know if anyone remembers that, but they would... Yeah, the sideline reporter would chime in toward the host, and that's how he would get his attention. But it was such a fucking... That show was so great. And when they localized it, they brought it to the American version.

The American version is good, but it did not have quite the same goose dough. But I do remember when it was always a better episode if they had an ingredient that the chefs could make something out of. When they give us, like, here's your ingredient is eggnog. Then it's just like, well, now everyone's going to make some shitty eggnog dish. That's not fun. That's like chop. That's a different sort of thing.

But when they're just like, hey, your ingredient is shrimp. And it's like, oh, hey, now I've got a bunch of different possibilities of different shrimp takes I can come up with. So Chopped is the show where they have, like, spoiler ingredients. We've got canned spam, peanut butter. Just while we're on the subject, you just said my answer. No, seriously, because peanut butter was going to be my choice.

Because I do think it's one of those foods that you're like, peanut butter is in this? And then you're always, like, weirdly surprised. Like, I had peanut butter, goober burger, somewhere in Milwaukee. And then I had peanut butter whiskey recently. And I'm like, this sounds great. And then you have it. And you're like, weird, it works.

So I'd like to see chefs flex with their peanut butter skills. That's great. You say peanut butter, goober burger? Yeah. Does anyone, is this a real thing? Or is this one of my fucking mushroom stories? No, I think it was a goober burger. It was at a place that I don't remember where I was,

but they served the burgers on a little toy plane on a zipline that came from the kitchen to your table. All right. Now I am more convinced that this is not real. Am I just talking about a dream out loud? I swear to God, there was a restaurant that I went to, and they smeared peanut butter on the bun of the burger. And I was like, I got to try this bullshit.

I think I saw it on triple D. And I had it. And it was fucking surprisingly good. I would never have chosen that for myself. But once you have had a bunch of Thai food and have had, like, peanuts and stuff that it doesn't normally, I wouldn't normally imagine that profiling. You can really start thinking like, fuck,

peanut butter might be crazy to add to this. The airplane brings the burger to your mouth? Yeah. No, that's your mouth. I mean, I guess you could technically put your hands behind your head and try to catch it out of the thing. But it's like literally like a little biplane that they put the burger in and they're like, order up.

And then you just like shoot it over and then you like take it down and you shoot it back. Oh, hell yeah. Again, I might be making this up. If anyone, so no one here can agree with me. Emma just brought her phone to the stage. Yeah. She's like, is that it?

And it's just on her notes app and it says stop talking. Yeah, yeah. I think it might be. Yeah, yeah, it's real. I'm real. I'm real. We're all real here. Fuck.

Crashed that plane into my giant head. I would fucking love that shit. You know, Mark Wahlberg was on that peanut butter burger plane. If I was on that. Peanut butter plane and never would have happened and never would have gotten into Mitch's head. Seth McFarling was supposed to be on the peanut butter plane. He overslept.

He missed his flight. Pulled a wiger. This is a great question. And my mind goes to, I would like to see, you know, Chef Morimoto and whoever he's up against, see what they could do with impossible protein. Let's just try it. Let's just see a bunch of different takes

and impossible cuisine and just see what we can come up with. You know, a lot of us will be stuff that's adjacent to existing meat-based dishes. But yeah, why not? Fuck yeah. Let's do a blood-based contest. I can't say eggnog anymore.

You're really fucking. To be fair, Mitch's first answer in almost everything is eggnog. What's your blood type? You know. Gabor's not going to steal something from your book. My secret ingredient is chicken parm. So my book meaning my previous answer.

Chicken parm is the secret ingredient. Why not? Or pizza? Let's see what they can do with pizza. Yeah. The secret ingredient is pizza. All right. It's own cuisine.

Your secret ingredient is pad thai. And you know what? If they served it straight up without doing it and threw it, I'd be like, pretty good job. I feel like you're like, you're like, I'm assuming the chefs are as lazy as I am. So if you guys want to just bring me up three different slices of pizza from a restaurant,

I could taste it and give you the answer there. The secret ingredient is already made pizza. Wow. Why not? See what they can do. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. There you go.

And she has a Patriot shirt on. Yeah, she's got a Patriot dress. Hell yeah. Thank you, Alex. That was a great question to match your great shirt. Thank you so much. Yes, loved it. Loved it.

And Phoenix, what a great crowd you've been. That's it for this episode. Such a good light to come back. Thank you so much for having us. Wow. Hey, was it worth the three-year wait? Was it worth it? And remember, vote Ron Watkins.

Guys, John Gabriel, give it up. Our production team, Emma and Amelia. Give it up for Roxy. Give it up for the venue. Stand up live. Thanks for having us. Thanks to Stand Up Live. Until next time, I'm Mike Mitchell.

I'm Nick Walker. Happy eating. Thank you. See you after four more pandemics, fam. What's up, everybody? It's the Spoo Man. And guess what? Tickets are still available for our live shows.

That's right. We're on the road, and we're heading to one of my favorite cities. First, on Friday, May 6th, we're going to the Foxwoods Resort and Casino. And we got a show there. And tickets are still available. And then the next night, Saturday, May 7th, we got two shows at the Wilbur Theatre. And tickets are still available online now. Just check out headgum.com slash live and get your tickets today.

Again, that's headgum.com slash live. Do it.