Doughboys - Costco 3 with Jesse Thorn

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Jesse Thorn (@jessethornveryfamous, Bullseye) joins the 'boys to talk sitcoms, Thanksgiving favorites, and 25 years of Bullseye before a review of Costco. Plus another edition of Snack or Wack.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/aj-and-big-justice-costco-guys-tiktok-song-1235063207/https://www.tiktok.com/@a.j.befumo/video/7341463847108152606?lang=enhttps://www.pajiba.com/tv_reviews/gen-z-explainer-the-costco-guys-mewing-jimmy-fallon-pj-vogt-and-the-rizzler.phphttps://theaurorantoday.com/4501/arts-and-entertainment/the-costco-guys-rulers-of-the-food-court-and-now-the-media/https://www.forbes.com/sites/callumbooth/2024/10/30/an-analysis-of-the-costco-guys-on-fallon-memes/https://www.delish.com/food-news/a34111722/costco-hot-dog-combo-story/https://kotaku.com/the-rizzler-mario-kart-world-sdcc-celebs-reedus-brie-1851787157https://okmagazine.com/p/big-justice-feels-regular-kid-school-everyone-asks-videos-dad-aj/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. Wiggs, the countdown is on. Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality fines you won't see anywhere else. Uncommon Goods looks for high-quality, unique products often handmade or made in the U.S.

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get a savory and sweet sausage egg and cheese McGrittles, plus hash browns and a coffee. at McDonald's. For limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. We're Costco guys. Of course we go shopping while eating a chicken bake. So began a life-altering TikTok released on March 1st, 2024 by the father-son duo of Andrew Bufumo and Eric Justice Bufumo, named for his dad's former wrestling alias, the American Powerchild, Eric Justice. The two would gain global fame by their new aliases, A.J. and big justice, as they laser-focused on making content centering on their fandom for the big box

club store known for selling enormous quantities of mayonnaise and paper towels alongside premium items like pre-built gaming PCs and a curated wine selection. But the real target and source of the Costco guy's virality has been the store's food court, where a hot dog and soda combo still cost just $1.50, following departing CEO Jim Sinigals alleged dictum, quote, if you raise the effing hot dog, I will kill you, figure it out. The Boca Raton duo expanded into music with their breakout original track, We Bring the Boom, which capitalized on their own Boom or Doom rating scale. And A.J. and Big Justice grew their online presence even further with a savilely calculated collaboration with an unrelated New Jersey child, nicknamed

the Rizzler for his Riz face, and earned designation as his natural charisma made him the breakout character. Meanwhile, former indie wrestler A.J. provided another data point that no pro wrestler is ever really retired when he competed at AW full gear in November of 2024, in which he hit his power boom finisher on opponent QT Marshall following an assist from Big Justice, and naturally an appearance by The Rizzler. The mainstream crossover continued with a tonight show guest spot in which an annoyed Jimmy Fallon seemed baffled as to why the trio was even there. And at San Diego Comic Con 2025, the Rizzler was a featured attraction, hosting rounds of Mario Kart World at the Nintendo Lounge against a crew of celebrity opponents, including

Allison Bree and Norman Redis, one of countless branded tie-ins the crew has been able to cash in on. As for the warehouse club store chain itself, the guys seem to have written approval from management to make content, as long as they're not disruptive to employees or other shoppers. After all, their enthusiastic booms endorsement, no doubt surged sales of the company's new double chunk chocolate cookie It's actually double chocolate chunk cookie but pedantic corrections like that are one of many reasons

were not as popular as the Costco guys this week on Do Boys we bring the boom as we return to Costco Go. Welcome to Do Boys, the Dog Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, dear friend of Nick Weiger, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell. What the hell? Is it a toast spoon? This is a roast, I think.

You're by guilt by association. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah. You're saying like, I'm friends with you with bad news. I think that's what is being implied. Yeah, who's Jared's BFF? That sort of deal, right? I think it's great when you guys are open about your physical and mental health issues on the show.

This roast is for your friendship. We're falling apart over here. We're falling apart. Alt. Bitch, you'll like this one. Avatars the Mighty Toll Spoon. I like that one. I let me just tell you, we'll get to our guest in a second here,

but our guest was saying to me, we were talking about the Arklight, the Cinerama Dome, a historical landmark, I believe, in Los Angeles, and such a great theater, owned by some weird, you know, some weird company, the former Arklight owners, whatever the hell they are,

like some Centrion company, or something. Sure. I don't know what it is. And what I think a lot of these places do is like, even though it's historically protected, they just sit on this stuff. And then once it collapses or burns or falls apart, then they can put up their condos. Right, right, right.

And so the arc light is just a true bummer to me because it was my favorite theater in L.A. Lovely theater to go to the one in Hollywood. But there was a mini chain. There were a bunch of different arc lights. And they were always great presentations, good concessions. comfortable seating. They had the thing where, I mean, like, they, they, it wasn't always in force,

but they have the thing of like, if you're talking or if your phone is out, like you get a warning and then like, we boot you after, uh, right. Sometimes just grabbed Mitch's phone, which is probably, this is a,

for me, this little triangle is research wise. Triangle? What shape do you think that is? Oh my God. Rectangle There you go Jesus Christ

We've been recording a lot today We've been recording a lot The past couple days We've stacked a few Triangle You're doing fine They're doing fine They're never let me live this down

I'm now the dumbest man in the world I can see memes of like A square or a rectangle Yeah you didn't have to fucking do You didn't have to say that You should have voted no on Prop 50 Show them Um, roasted birdfuck.com.

We voted to it. We'll get into all of that. Yes. This rectangle here. Yes. Emma, edit it. Don't make a little dumb. What?

Like, don't make a little dumb. This little rectangle right here. I research stuff. I look things up. I write down jokes. It's like what used to be the encyclopedia or the library for past generations. You've got all that in your pocket. You're holding it in the palm of your hand.

If a stand-up and on stage with an encyclopedia, you wouldn't give him a hard time. Not at all. Let's hear what this guy has to say. Let's see. Let's see here. I'm trying to scan for jokes here. Okay, great.

Let's see here. You're looking at your notes app? That where you keep your jokes? I do. I do. What do I have in my notes app? I don't feel like I do this exercise enough. Let's see here.

I mean, I really scrub. Are you someone who uses your notes app avidly? Not really. I use it more as like a drafting place for things. Sometimes I'll, like, write emails. I'm too scared. I'll hit like command enter before I actually finish. Oh, sure.

That's smart. Or I make grocery lists in there. Emma, if you're hosting a podcast, do you ever take out your notes app and go silent at the same time as your co-host? No. Actually, I think we would teach that that is inappropriate podcasting. But I've also never hosted a podcast, so I have no idea. Not that I've been introduced, but go ahead. You guys want me to host the show?

No, I think you know, well, I mean, like, that would improve the show too much. It wouldn't be dough boys anymore. Silence makes great podcasting. I don't know. Philist tension. Okay, this is that. I don't want to read this. I couldn't find any jokes.

It was all like taxes. Do taxes. This is boring. Yeah, my things are things like I wrote down, okay, brain, what's the next thought? So I just wrote that as a thing. And then I wrote that Roe hit, we talked about, gave us, Canadian ketchup popcorn. We talked about

in the previous episodes and that's written down. This seems to be some sort of password. That's not very good obsec for me to just have that copy-pasted it.

I'm going to delete this notes. I'll delete this note right now. You're going to be like, what was that password? My New York City packing list, which I don't need that anymore. That trips in the rear view. Oh, I do put that in my notes app

sometimes. I think I put like checklists and to-do lists in my notes app. And, yeah, and then there's a there's me a recalling a story that I told on the podcast where I just wrote it down real fast to what had happened.

And then here's just a list of years from 2010 to 2019. Just years? All of them? It's just a list. All right. I found some. Are any of the years missing?

Nope, they're in order. I found, I found, I found, I found, I have to remember them home. I found, I found, I found some, like, oh, it comes between 2015 and 2017. I found, I found, I found something, I found something on here from August 31st. I'm shocked I never used this on the show. Okay. Lava surfers, one wipeout and it's over.

That's what I wrote in my phone. Pretty good. I am shocked you didn't use that on this show. It's really good. Lava surfers, one wipeout and it's over. You've got to be careful. It's dangerous stuff. If you're surfing on lava.

It's not like Mario on a turtle shell, getting it burning his butt and going, yeah, no, it's not that. No, you'd be dead. You'd be dead for sure. God, I'd hate to be killed by lava. lava does seem like a very torturous way to go and you know I don't know if you remember the the movie was it

Volcano yeah the guy that has the lava death he hops in there and he's holding someone He holds the lady He holds her up he sacrificed himself But he slowly sinks and burns Yeah he throws her he throws her right What would actually I feel like I think you would catch on fire I think of these cinema sins that

Yeah you'd probably like completely catch on fire Or you just like melt so quickly That you wouldn't have that Well let me just say I don't think that you would melt Just to be clear Look, I am a guy who'd called A Rectangle a Triangle, but I don't think that

you would melt. I think you'd melt. I don't think your body melt. I think it catches on fire. I think you incinerate. I think lava's above the melting point of man. The much smarter guy is nodding along with me. I'm just I haven't been introduced, but I'm just glad that Mitch prioritizes clarity.

This is a guy who has red his strunken white. He knows his elements of style. Just to be clear, they would melt. Let's be clear. There's an E.B. White over here. Let's be clear. They would be incinerated.

They would not. No human being can. Can you melt as a human? I think so. I think if you're hot enough. But I mean, this is also like just like a like a point about language. Like a man candle or mandel. I'm asking this this knowledgeable triangle that I have here.

Let's see what they say. Can a human melt? Thank God he had that phone out. Can a human? Melt. Am I right, man? Yeah, I know. He really saved our hides.

It's a lifesaver. Okay, no, a human cannot spontaneously melt. I mean, look. Spontaneously, that's the problem. I added a word that you didn't include. This would be premeditated. Yeah.

But their body can be affected by extreme heat leading to fat liquefaction. Yeah, I mean, I think that's basically melting. What happens at the end of Raiders of Lost Ark? Them motherfuckers melt. Well, they open up the arc of the covenant. Yeah, and they fucking melt. Yeah, but that's, you know,

I mean, God can melt you. Yes, God. Okay. Are you a freaking Nazi? No. Okay, well, you don't have to worry about. I would never be a Nazi. Thank God.

I don't know. I'm proud to hear you say that. Doth protest too much, I think. It's brave for a podcaster to say he would not be a Nazi in this day and age. Yeah. I mean, honestly, we're doing pretty good compared to me. Yeah, yeah, I would not be a Nazi either. I'm putting that out there.

The doughboys are not Nazis. look they got some nice suits they uh you know there's other things that I couldn't think of one other thing they're very orderly they're very orderly invented a lot of important techniques of documentary filmmaking that is that's also true

but you know a lot of downsides suit no thank you to any of that stuff we'll run this by Susser we should learn so much trouble once Suss here's this we should note that if you're if the the the dais is seeming

and perhaps a little bit empty. Amelia is not here today. She is under the weather. There's an empty stool where Amelia once sat. Emma is handling both chores over there, doing the live switching and the podcast engineering all in one. We're having a blast. We'll be visited by the three ghosts of podcast history tonight.

We'll learn a lesson and Amelia will live. That's what will happen. The three ghosts of podcast history? Yeah. And who are they? It's like in the classic tale of the Christmas. Christmas Carol. Right, the ghost of, yeah, the ghost of Christmas history, of course.

You know how in Christmas Carol, there's that empty stool. Right. So then the three ghosts of Christmas history come to decide whether the one guy lives or dies. Yeah. That's what I mean, look, right to my right and to your left, I consider him the Podfather. I know a lot of people, I know there's a lot of people. I know there's a lot of names tossed around for the podfather.

Yeah. This is your pick. This guy right here is the podfather in my eyes. Well, Mitch, you're the drop father, and I know we got to drop. I know you wanted me to play the drop. Emma hit him with a drop. No.

Do you know what? You're not going to play the fucking drop? No! Santa is the most famous person in the world. This is interesting. Santa is the most famous person in the world. Um, oh. This is interesting.

No. What is this? What is this? Jackerick. What is this? Jack. No! What about Jack Skelling did?

What about Jack Skelling did? Jack Skelling was so far off from Santa. That's insane. We're just pitching. We just tossing ideas out. It was a bad pitch. Okay, fine. Sometimes pigeons need to be called.

for being back. Fine. I mean, I don't know if that's a productive use of the room's time. Well, yeah, I'm saying Jack Skelton definitely isn't a fucking productive use of the most famous thing in the world. I see now we're arguing about it when we could just move on and you could pitch a different idea. Son, like we said, bug. Okay. Dog, all those

much more than you're not even naming people. Hey, boys. You think the most famous person in the world is dog? This is an old conversation. We're getting into some old stuff here. Yes. I don't think Jack's Gellon is the most famous Skellington. Skeleton. You said Skellington.

You said Skeleton. I think he's the most famous Skellington, pretty inarguably. I agree that he is the most favorite famous Skellington. Okay, got it. He's not the most favorite famous. Do you think Skeletor is more famous? Skeletor is pretty famous, but time is past. I think it's actually... I think Skellington has usurped Skeletor at this point. I think that's true.

Who would you say? Like maybe Sands from Undertable? I think a human... I think a human skeleton, like an anatomical skeleton? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just standard skeleton. I think a standard standard I think a standard skeleton beats you know what I think it was Jack Allison that was saying that there's not enough skeleton movies like a no I've always thought I've always thought in the back of my head like what if I wrote this definitive skeleton movie and then I just feel good about having done this thing that I will never do well why don't you do it you know like when Francis Ford Coppola is saying that like they make too many Marvel movies or whatever now he's what he's saying is somebody needs to make the definitive skeleton yeah first Then we can make more superhero. Just call it skeletons and just have it be the ultimate skeleton movie. Wait, is it the ultimate skeleton movie or the ultimate skeletons movie?

Is there a bunch of skeletons in this freaking thing? I think there was a head skeleton. Maybe save that for the sequel. You're right. You're right. Do the alien formula start with skeleton, the sequel of skeletons? Yeah. There you go.

I think there is a head skeleton. And he has minions? And then I think he does, I think he does have minions. I mean, Jack was talking about how, like, your own bones maybe. come up, that's kind of a cool idea. Your own bones turning against you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like the skeleton turns your own bones against you and your bones come out of your body.

Oh, that's fucking crazy. Them dry bones? It's like a zombie. The dry bone. I mean, they want to get out of the skin. Yeah, it is like a zombie. Yeah. But just your skeleton.

Yeah, the skeleton king or whatever, which was a birthday boy sketch. As was Christmas Carol Ghostbust. Wow. Which was a skewering of a Christmas carol. I remember well. Mitch who says, said that drop in. do we are we not going to do like we have to do this stuff before we can introduce our guest hey boys hey boys we're so patiently we're starting so late hey boys we're starting well well we're

starting okay we're starting pretty late we're starting pretty late but we did okay for what we did okay for as late as we're starting hey boys love what you do keep on keeping on thanks for all the laughs the last 10 years cheers to 10 more wow ghost hippie thanks ghost hippie that was a great drop drops at bird fuck dot com that was a great drop it was a It was a Bob. That's what young people say. That is what young people say. They don't say slap anymore.

Now they say Bob. Is Bob the thing or is there another thing after Bob and we just know about Bob? Well, the Will Smith, the slap came. And so I think that slaps will came out of. It discredit. But I'm still, people, people didn't want to, people were having like, like, you know, like a, like flashbacks to the, to the slap. And they didn't want to think about it. Yeah, traumatic experience.

What side of the slap are you on? no one better ever say some shit like that about my wife I would never say your wife looks like she's in G.I.J. I promise you. Because if you did. Our guest host, Jordan Jesse Go and Bullseye which is celebrating 25 years. Wow. Jesse Thorne is back. Hi, Jesse. Guys, I'm so happy to be here

on one of my favorite podcasts. I brought you these flowers. Oh, my God. Look at that. That's so thoughtful. This is beautiful. Beautiful bouquet. I love you guys and I love your show and I'm so happy to be back 12 years later No how long has it been It's been a minute It's been a minute but I'm thrilled to be back I believe Mr. Pizza Factory was where we went

Mr. Pizza for Women yes we went there There's a Korean pizza chain Actually now I know why you didn't come back Mr. Pizza was It was pretty well A very interesting It was very interesting flavors our palate was not used to I'll just hold on to these like this, the whole episode.

You're with your arm outstretched? Yeah, why not? That way it looks like they're growing out of the sofa. That's kind of cool. That's fun. Looks a little uncomfortable. What if I did this? I would say you could probably tuck them into the sofa.

Oh, there you go. Don't freak out, Jimmy. Jimmy's taken it in stride. Jimmy's got her Costco hoodie on. That's right. We're matching. Jimmy's got her Costco hoodie. I get my Costco sweatshirt.

She's tired as hell. You can tell. She's had a long day. She's a sleepy girl tonight. I mean, hey, you know, I'm pretty sleepy myself. Yeah. Well,

I think we're all a little bit sleepy. It's the, it's the, I got actually a rush of energy. I'm excited to have our guest here.

I feel great. I'm thrilled to have our guest here. I think it's just you. Okay, so maybe it's just me. And are you sleepy at all? I'm a little sleepy. Okay, all right. Okay, so three to two.

Three to two. We're out of here. That's bad news. Oh, Prop 50, which I did vote yes for. That's right. As of this, this episode is the last episode prior to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving at Do Boys' holiday since it falls on a

Thursday. But as of this, this record, we're recording on Election Day, Mitch, part of why we're starting late is that we had to go on a little side mission between episodes to go vote. Don't try to put this all on me. It's not all on you. It's also that we had, look, there's a lot going on. Amelia, because Amelia's sick that we had to go, you and I go had to go do the food pickup ourselves, which is totally fine. We're going to be visited by the ghost of podcast history. That's right. We're going to wait and decide who lives or dies. Is that what it is? Yeah, we

will see if we learn a lesson. See if we learn a lesson. Got it. No, and then who, whether she comes Whether she comes back or dies. Yes, I guess that is the lesson we learn. Yeah, it's the lesson we learn is that she's lived or dies. We learn her status. So the ghost of podcast past, who would that be? Ghost of podcast past would be someone who I guess is maybe no longer. I mean, I guess it would be Marin at this point. He had a great run and is retired. Maren is a ghost of podcast past. Unless there's someone else who's kind of like a founder of the podcasting who's no longer active. I think it might just be Maren. Would present be? be Rogan? That's a great question. I mean, there's an argument. I think there's also an argument for like a Bill Simmons, but I think there's also an argument for someone who's like more contemporary than that. I think maybe it would be Rogan.

You think Rogan is number one? It could be a good opportunity to give Rogan like a little bit of attention and credit and sort of acknowledge. Yes, right. I think what would happen is is that we, when we'd wake up after being visited by Rogan, we'd give Amelia Ivermectin and then she'd come back to life. I think there is some sort of story there. Yes, this answer.

And Ghost of Podcast Future is, of course, Neppo Mitchell, who's going to take over doughboys. Hell yeah. If you're out there and listening. Can't wait for a little fat fuck to takeover. If you're listening to the show, this all makes sense and is good. 25 years of bullseye. Congratulations.

How amazing. Thank you so much. I started Bullseye 25 years ago with your friend in mine, Jordan Morris, a regular on the doughbolems. Love them. Love you. Congratulations. That is, I called you the Podfather for a reason, but also just quickly. Yeah.

I know, I brought up Joe Rogan, but you know what? Why, as you can join me here. Suck it, Joe Rogan. You can suck it. You're doing the Degeneration X chop. Well, now you're going to be fined. Wait, why? Joe L.M.B. got fined for doing that.

He's just doing a blocking foul. He's saying blocking foul. No, Mitch, it's a violation of the code of conduct. That's an obscene gesture. You're going to be fined $40,000. The National Podcast Association. National Podcast Association. NPA.

You've got to grow up. I had no idea. Yeah. You got to grow up. They're okay with everything else we say. Everything else is fine. It's just that chaffed. It's the taunting thing, you know.

Yeah. I just want, I, he can, Joe Rogan can suck it. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. You agree with me? Yes, of course. Are you trying to not trying to start battle with Joe.

No, I just always, I'm like, like, I don't know why you have to bring this up on the podcast. You know what? I agree with you, too. I wouldn't kick him out of bed. A little muscle kind of like that. He can suck it. Yeah, for sure.

I thought Emma was leaving. It would be just a file. It would be pretty sad of the daisly. Honestly, I have always wanted to have my dick sucked by a little karate guy. You know what I mean? Just once. Been with my wife a long time. Yeah, sure.

Mix it up. She'd probably be fine with it. Yeah. A little karate guy coming in. Here's a bullseye question for you. Thank you. Have you ever had bullseye barbecue sauce? Yeah, that's a great.

First of all, thanks for the great question. Of course. 25 years of my National Public Radio program, Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Yeah. I have had Bullseye barbecue sauce, which does have the same name as my show. I mean, you know, it's grocery store barbecue sauce.

It's fine. Yeah, it's all right. You had a little sweet, but that's okay. I think I like a KC masterpiece more. Oh, yeah. How do you feel about Stubbs? Boy, I'm not really familiar with Stubbs, barbecue sauce. It's got a nicer label.

Okay. I like Stubbs when it comes to AMC. I do like the AMC. I'm a Stubbs member. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you a Stubbs member? I'm not a Stubbs member. I applied it and was turned down.

Oh, wow. Yeah. They said I just didn't have it. I don't know. Are you're, I mean, you're a film lover. I am a film lover. Do you get to go out to the, you also have a family, though, which makes things hard.

I have three neurodivergent children. So there was a period where my oldest child, who's a movie obsessive, would watch a movie with me like every night. And I was watching an S-H-ton. I don't want to swear on your show. Yeah, of course. I was watching a fuck ton of movies then. But she turned against movies.

This past month, as you mentioned, it's early November as we record this. This past month, she would only watch Halloween episodes of TV shows. Wow. Hell yeah. She knows what's up. as hell. Yeah, we watch some Rosanne's. I mean, that's great.

A ton of Bob's burgers. Oh, sure. We're talking Tom Arnold. When we, Tom Arnold, very good in, um, true lies. True lies. Thank you, Jesus. He is great in true lies. I remember the, the, the, there was a sitcom trope that was back in the 90s where I feel like there'd be like a really ornately carved pumpkin.

Like they'd carve a pumpkin of like Jill's head from home improvement. It would be this. Erkle. Yeah, Urkel. And it would be this incredibly detailed. likeness that would have to be done by some artists and, you know, like, whatever, like the the art director on that. Yeah, I guess it might be a

part, a, it might be someone who works in the art department on the show or it might be a designated pumpkin artist, yeah, but like it was a sort of thing it's just like, there's no fucking way this character, this is breaking the reality of the show for me as a kid, there's no fucking way that, that, you know, like the, the Winslow father was able to carve this pumpkin of Urkel. He doesn't have the, the

skill to do that. Nick, I'm so glad you brought this up because this really traps my hide. Actually, this pisses me off because you don't think that Carl, you don't think Carl, you don't think, I think, I think, maybe he, maybe could have done it. Yeah, yeah. But like, I don't, like, the home improvement family, I don't buy it.

No, there were dipshits. Yeah, they wouldn't have been able to do it. They were a bunch of dipshits. And the nephew was, was, was, uh, was getting it on with, uh, Suzanne Summers. Cody and Suzanne Summers were getting it on. That's wild. Some old Hollywood gossip. How about that?

Let's recirculate that. Why not? It was over, over the 25 years you've been doing. bullseye. Yeah. Is there, like, and I'm sure this is a thing that you've thought about a lot, and maybe this is a thing you get asked a lot, and I, I am not the interviewer. You are, obviously, so, you know.

What's the worst interview we ever had? It's Dustin Diamond. Was it really? Yeah. Wow. Jordan, was it? When Dustin Diamond, Screech from Saved by the Bell, when Jordan was still hosting with me, we were still, I think maybe Jordan was a senior in college and I was one year out of college.

We booked Dustin Diamond on the show because we used to do the show in Santa Cruz, and he was coming to Santa Cruz, and nobody was. was ever coming to Santa Cruz. Yeah. So we're like, well, is Dustin Diamond good? We weren't sure, but we were like, it would be interesting to talk to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets on our show, number one, will not talk about Saved by the Bell.

Wow. We'll not say one word about Saved by the Bell. At one point, we just said, would you be willing to say something just purely factual about saved by the Bell, like list the cast members by height? And he wouldn't do that. Wouldn't talk about his math rock band. Wouldn't talk about his chess instructional videos. We had a lot of notes.

We were ready to go. All he would talk about was his stand-up act. Okay. So he's like telling these jokes on the show. Like he keeps steering away from the stuff we ask him and steering towards like offensive joke book jokes, like jokes about people in wheelchairs. Yeah.

Yeah. And the moment that I remember most vividly is us panicking because he's telling this awful joke on our public radio station about people in wheelchairs. And I remember saying to him, well, let's talk about your act because he had said no to talking about anything else. And he goes, this is my act. And we were like, oh, no. Oh, my God. Anyway, later he stabbed someone. Now he's dead.

All right. He has, he has, you know, it's that sort of thing. thing with you feel bad for it's just we talked about this recently yes he brought a lot of joy to children as screech he did he did bring a lot of joy to children as screech a lot of people discover their sexualities that's a hundred percent okay there's a lot of people that screech is a type for sure but i think probably fucked him up forever like also younger that younger than all the other right wasn't he younger than all the other cast members it was like uh i think he's like he was a he was a he was a fucked up that's true

He was a fucked up guy. I mean, Erkel seems okay, right? Jaliel White? Jaliel White, but you know what? Here's what I was going to say. I think for both of those guys,

they're like the nerds on TV. And I think that they have so much pushback against that after they're off TV, that they're like trying to make up for, like I see that with Jal White a lot of time too. Like he wrote Stefan Urk, like he wanted Stefan Urqu Al to be in the show. And he's like, I'm like a basketball player and I'm not like Steve Erkel at all.

And it's like, Like, Steve Urkel's cool. You got it all wrong. Steve Urkel is cool. You know what for Steve Urkel? You never would have discovered your sexuality. I mean, that too. You know, the thing about Jaliel White is he did play a very cool character at Sonic the Hedgehog.

That is, hey, that is true. But, like, I think that so much of that gotten is, it's like, of course. You played the best, you played the best, and everyone loved Urkel. Yes, of course. A very cool character and a very pious character. That's right. He is Christian. He's a Christ.

Sonic is Christian? Christ loving hedgehog. It's according to some fan art I've seen. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So if I have my community wiper, it's just gone. I keep grabbing them and keep going away.

Sonic's eating them up. So we had to, we had to go a little side mission. The body of Christ. We had to go to a little side mission for you to go to your polling place. And we, yeah. It worked out. It worked out fine. I'm just, I just want to do the TikTok of this.

So we're starting late because Amelia, the primary reason is Amelia is not here. Yes. And we are very... Amelia is the one who should be reprimand for being sick. We're very reliant on Amelia, represented by the empty chair. That is going to lead to the three guests of pod... The three ghosts of podcast history visiting us later to Jesus some kind of lesson. Because Amelia is not here, you and I went and picked up the order from Costco.

On the way, we did a little guy Dan for you to go cast your vote at a polling place. And can I just be honest with you for a second? Yeah. To do Amelia's job made me sick. I hated doing it. I mapped out the closest place to Costco to go in... I will say, I'll give you credit. It was a very, like, efficient plan

to trying to get both of these tasks to accomplish. It was, first of all, parking error. We parked two times we pulled into the wrong place, which probably cost us at least five minutes. Sure. And then when I got in there, moved pretty quick. My issue was that you were parked right next to the entrance. I couldn't go out the entrance or say I had to go around the building.

Oh, boy, okay. But still took a little long even for no one being there when I was there. Voted no on Prop 50, got out, and we went over to Costco, and we were all set. That's right. But, yeah, I had to vote. And I knew that also I knew that there was a good chance that I would not be able to make the polling place before 8 p.m. No, it's absolutely. I think I was right.

Would have been the case. Yeah. Yeah. It worked out. It all worked out. Yes. They mailed it to you like two months ago. This is the thing.

I told Wags this. It's been a. This year has been chaotic in many ways. Yes. And I had no idea where the fuck the mail-in belt was. I was looking for it everywhere today. And I could not find, because that was my plan. I was just going to put it in a drop box.

Could not find it. Other stuff was going on. I mean, it probably took a long time to fill out. So I could see why you put it off. There was one bubble to fill out. Well, here's another thing. This morning on the chain, why it was on, I asked Hayes-Davenport, do you have a progressive voter voter guy?

And he said, there's one question. I didn't realize that. till today. It's a special election in California for people who aren't in the state. It's just one ballot initiative. It's yes or no on one proposition. I've been filming.

Yes. I'm shooting the comeback. Come back. Cool show, right? Very great show. Very funny show. Yeah. Good things are happening.

It's just has been, it's been wonky. But it worked out. I'm just saying I was just explaining what happened. No, but you think I'm blaming you. You think I'm voted beforehand. That's the comments we'll get and I'll look at them and be mad. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. You know what? I'm just happy to be here. We're happy to have you. We're happy to have you. I am upset with you to get to get back in. Oh, so have you ever been to carved at DeSano Gardens? At Descanso Garden?

Descanso Gardens. DeSano is the pizza place. Descanso. Descanzo cards that triangle full of trees. Have you been to, have you been to carve it at Descanso? This is like a Halloween themed disconso thing? No, I haven't been to the, they do like lights for Christmas too. They do lights for Christmas and that's also pretty, that's pretty fun too.

Descanso Gardens clutch as fuck if you had kids during the. the pandemic. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beautiful. It's like just big enough. This is like botanical gardens in the Southern California. Wow. And you know what else is pretty good? I went on it. I went to the, uh, the, the, the little Christmas lights thing here at the arboretum. Oh, the arboretum. Mm-hmm. The arboretum. Yeah. It's like a plant place. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's fun to say. Carved at Descanso Gardens. You have fun. You see, you see, you could see an erkle pumpkin wags. Okay. And you could see very detailed. You know what? Let's See if I have it. Is that what carved is? I'm, I'm, I'm inferring from the name that is all

pumpkin carp. So it's all urcles. All urcles. Okay. So some things are pumpkin. Some things are other things. Some topiary. Some sculpture. Yeah. That's fun. Some paintings. I just search pumpkin. Tomatoes. A tomato that look like urcle, I'd be impressed. I just, this is very sad. Taters. I just, I just, I just searched pumpkin in my phone, like my, my iPhone for pictures. Yeah. And there's just this picture of me carving a pumpkin from pandemic. covering a ghost pumpkin. You can see it there. That's the last time I ever did.

That's a nice memory, I'm sure. It's a nice memory. Your hair looks so long. I know. Very lush. Hey, it was pandemic times. Right. Was the issue.

But let me see if I can find something from Descanso Gardens. But I also want to bring up something here that we should be mad at this man about. No. It's important. Matt at Jesse? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Point your guns this way. We were talking about, aw, I just found a picture of me holding Wally. Cute. Aw, cute. Did I ever sell? I had a Pretty good Back when I had a Twitter account

This was the late period of Twitter Basically almost just before I deactivated But I got a You know like one of my last big tweets Is I had a picture of a I took a picture of a Pilsner or Kel Which is like a like a beer varietal I took one of those at Costco

And it was at Trader Joe's actually Not Costco And I took a picture of it And my caption was Did I brew that? And as Jaliel White actually quote tweeted it. Wow.

Oh, so all right. Then he maybe has a good humor about it. Here is Neil Campbell next to a Travis Kelsey carved pumpkin. Very good. Pretty detailed. It's a good looking likeness of Kelsey. I'm going to be honest, Neil Campbell looks terrifying in that picture. Does he really?

Yeah, look at his hollow sunken eyes. I think he had some sort of, I think he had something on. Okay. He's in Halloween going. He's in Halloween mode. Jesse. Nice guy, very funny. What's that?

Why are we mad at Jesse? You can't say everyone at slunking eyes. No, but there was something else. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, hold on. What's your grudge that you brought up? You're going to be on board with this. Okay.

I was, we were talking about the arc light. Yeah. We were saying the same thing I said here. He said one of the last things you remember seeing at the arc light. Avatar. Oh, yeah. And what did you say about it? The worst movie I've ever seen.

in a movie theater. Avatar, the worst movie. Wow. The first one or the second one? The first one. Wow, the worst. Yeah, truly the worst movie. I'm shocked by that.

It was a movie where I watched the whole thing waiting for something to change. And then when I got to the end, I thought, fuck, why didn't I just leave? I could have just left. Always an option when you're watching a bad movie. And I rarely just walk out. But I mean, America had Avatar fever. Yeah, I mean, like, look, look, I, I'm a defender of the Avatar franchise.

I certainly have Avatar the way of water, the sequel, which I assume you haven't seen. No, I miss that one. The thing I will say is that my case for Avatar, regardless of what you think about the story, which is by its nature very broad and operatic, is that I just, movies are something you look at and listen to,

and I think there's just an incredible-looking movie. I mean, they put a lot of things on screen. Yeah. I'll tell you that. I never wavered. I liked Avatar, and I saw it with some people who were like, what was that? I always enjoyed Avatar.

Mitch wants to be really clear about this. That I'm an original Avatar lover. This guy is not some guy who came around on Avatar. He knew all along that Avatar, the worst movie I've ever seen in a movie theater, was good. What's the last movie you've had a big swing on? You've had a big change of heart on? Because I know that happens with you. It happens with me sometimes.

It doesn't happen with me too often. I mean, like, I'll tell you the one that I did was Paul Tom. Anderson's movie Inherent Weiss Inherent Weiss Yeah That one was I remember Was like the first time

I watched it I was kind of like All right Actually I think I only saw it The one time I watched it the first time And I was like All right

And I was with Jack Yeah And Jack was like mad That I didn't like it Right I was like I don't like it And then I went home

I watched it Because we got the screener of it I watched it with a group Of Quincy guys And they were all laughing At like a comedy And then when I was watching It was like

This is good. Yeah. I didn't, you know, I had not, I had not watched it and I hadn't, I hadn't seen it through this perspective before. You maybe didn't accept it on its terms. I didn't accept it on its terms. And I did, I did grow to like it. I did grow to like it.

I should realize. Liquorce pizza I don't love as much. That's probably my least favorite of his, but I love, um, Phantom Thread. That's my, that's my, but what I kind of didn't like Phantom Thread? Wow. What the hell's going on here? I like, I look, and you're a fashionable guy. I was so.

That's true. I was so excited to come in here and talk about Costco because I was worried that I would come in here and it would be Taco Bell or something like that. Sure. And I would not like it. And then I would be the pretentious ass wipe came in here from NPR and shat on the good times of Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell,

the charmingest men in the world. Yeah. And I thought, oh, well, we're going to do Costco. I like Costco, so I won't come off like a smug, pretentious dillweed and then Mike Mitchell brought up Avatar and said save it for the air I don't think you seem MPR is national podcast registry I don't think you need you seem smug and pretentious by disliking Avatar I think there's a pretty common opinion I think a lot of people are kind of met on our listeners don't like avatar a lot of our listeners don't like

avatar and they say that all my opinions are swayed by bug main which is not true no I know that's Or Wu-Tang that influences your... Wu-Tang is the man. I mean, Wu-Tang, I don't think, sees too many movies is the only issue. But, like, for instance, I love Inside Lewin Davis. Bugman does not like Inside of Davis. Can I just say that on the Judge John Hodgman podcast,

on which I am the co-host to John Hodgman, who's been a guest on this show, we had to make a rule. Our producer had to make a rule. Jesse is not allowed to just list Mike Mitchell's friends from Quincy on our show, a different show. Fair. I love that.

We love the old Hodgman. We love that, our buddy. Yeah, he's young and vibrant, but yeah. I didn't mean to say, I meant, I meant old, you know, I'd said like old, why you're my old buddy, you know. You man, he's sort of a ghost of podcast past. Hey, it would be great to have him visit us. Yeah.

I did not mean old. He's a young, he is young and vibrant. Hodgman, you know I didn't mean that. Here we go. What is, where do you stand on barbecue sauce in general? I love barbecue sauce. I am a big meat man. Yeah.

And I love barbecue sauce. You know what I've really been enjoying lately? They got like Carolina gold barbecue sauce potato chips at Trader Joe's. Okay. Oh, I love those. I like all barbecues. Like, you know how's everyone in barbecue country that we don't really live in barbecue country?

No, not at all. Everyone in barbecue country thinks their type of barbecue is the best barbecue and all the other barbecues are bullshit. It's very territorial. I'm like, have you tasted these barbecues? they're all great. They're all good. Yeah, they're so good.

I'm with you on that. I like a lot of different barbecue. I mean, also, I think people accuse us of not knowing it too well, which is true. No, for sure. I don't know. I don't know it to it. I certainly don't know the cue. And where do I take you?

I'm tired too, it turns out. Where did we take you when we were in Texas? You just talked to that whole yawn. You got to ride the wave, baby. Where did I take you when we were in Texas? Lockhart. We went to Lockhart, yes. The barbecue capital of, I don't know.

Is it? I don't fucking know. There was a good barbecue there. I enjoyed it. They did shoot, uh, not a mighty wind. What do they shoot there?

They shot one of, uh, what's his name? One of a Christopher guest movies. Yeah. Okay. I'll look it up. Research.

Thank you. What's your standard breakfast? I like grape nuts. It's a grape nuts. Yeah. It's a type of gravel. Yeah. That you put milk on.

Yeah. I love it. I've had, I used to have grape nuts when I was younger. I haven't had a long time. And I honestly haven't thought about grape nuts. in many years. It's still your go-to breakfast. Yeah. I mean, the reason you haven't thought about it

in many years is it's essentially a breakfast from 1879. Like, it really... Do you know what grape nuts are? It's like overcooked bread. Wow. Yeah, it's like they take bread and they just run it through one more time.

And that's grape nuts, basically. That's really how they generate it. Yeah, like malty, you know? But I love grape nuts. I'll make an overnight oat sometimes. And once in a while, I'll eat a savory breakfast. But I don't have the strength in the morning to prepare food. Yeah, that's why I'm usually doing like oatmeal or yogurt, something like kind of quick and brainless.

Sometimes I'll whip up some eggs. But like, are you saying you will like just grape nuts and milk? Grape nuts and milk, baby. I do drink sparkling water with my breakfast. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I know. I got to get those burps going right up top. I get it.

Power up. Do you remember when people used to trick you with? dees nuts you know what i mean you know the um who's nuts d's nuts d's nuts i think maybe like is that the best joke like overall joke i think we talked about this before is d's nuts the best joke i'm so glad that nick i'm so glad that you like these nuts yeah because i was just thinking the other day uh i would love for dee's nuts to make a comeback it's very funny because i really enjoy it there's a new there's a new scary movie coming out where I would love it

there was a D's Nuts run. There might be a D's Nuts joke in there. You remember that cool Keith song where he goes, Keep it real, represent what? My nuts! That's good.

Very good. That was great. Nuts humor went away. We got sick of it, I guess. Everything is cyclical in comedy. It will come back. It'll resurface.

They'll come back. These nuts jokes will endure. Mm-hmm. I mean, honestly, pretty tame by, you know what I mean? Like, by comparison. Not that bad. A timeless classic, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I like about D's nuts is that you can trick someone, but it's still kind of fun. Yeah. Like, it's like, if you get tricked and with a D's nuts, you're never like, oh, fuck, I can't believe we got with the D's nuts. It's not, your mom is so fat. You know, well, hey, wait, you're talking about my mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The health problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah, you just lay off my, lay off moms, yeah. I like that also D's nuts because it can be, that there's, you can yes, and it with the Bofa as well. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I never even thought of that. And what's it, Bofa?

Bofa D's nuts. All right. All right. This is fun. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Yeah. I think that's maybe the number one joke. It's maybe my favorite joke.

I'd like to see Mark Maren and say something like that. We'll get Maren. We'll get Maren on the pod at some point. You think so? I don't think it'll ever happen. Mark Maren's never been on this show? Never on the show. He was going to come on it and then I think the dates didn't like work out.

He's been on my show. I know. Yeah, it was very nice. You've had, I'll say you've had a lot much better. Andre 3,000. Yeah, Tom Hanks. You've done pretty well. Yeah.

Was there a guess over the course of Bullseye that you were kind of just, that you're still kind of like, I can't believe we got this, this individual? Absolutely. 100% Bill Withers. Bill Withers. I mean, like, Tom Hanks was unexpected, like, unplanned for. Like, it was just like, we think we might be able to get Tom Hanks next week. We got him.

And Andre 3000, probably my favorite rapper ever. Yeah. You know, that was kind of at the top of the all-time list. But when I interviewed Bill Withers, who's, of course, the singer behind, lean on me and grandma's hands and who is he and what is he to you, all these classic songs, he had not done any press in like 20 years of any kind. Because, like, in the early 80s, he was having some record company problems. He made just the two of us with Grover Washington,

and then he quit the business, cold turkey, never performed, never recorded thereafter. And he was featured in this documentary called Soul Power, wonderful documentary about the concert that went with the Rumble in the Jungle. So, like, if people have seen when we were kings, it's like the same footage, but of the concert that accompanied the fight, was made into this movie called Soul Power with James Brown and Celia Cruz and all these amazing people.

and Bill Withers was in it. And I got a, I got a, I got a pitch for the movie. This was when I was, like, still making the whole show by myself. I got a pitch for the movie. And I thought, like, yeah, I'll interview the directors of that. That's like a lot of my favorite musicians. Sounds cool. And they were like, we actually have one of the musicians

is going to be at the press day. His name is Bill Withers. I don't know if you're familiar or you'd be interested. They had no idea, I think, that he had not done press in 20 years. Wow. I think he just, like, signed the release. And maybe, like, when he signed the release, he was like, I'll come to Presta if you want

because he was in a good mood or something. Yeah, sure. And so I went out to, you know, the Four Seasons or the Beverly Hilton or one of these places. It was a place I usually like to stay at. Yeah. This is where they have these junkety things. Yeah, of course, yeah.

And he was being interviewed by Pasadena Magazine. And I thought, if these people knew he could be on the cover of Rolling Stone right now. Yeah. And they just sent Pasadena magazine in there, but they sent me in there. And like, one of my favorite musicians

of all time, also a guy who truly grew up in Jim Crow, only became a professional musician as like a 30-year-old, because he was career in the Navy before that. And a brilliant, funny,

incredibly, like, wise guy, but just a guy who, did not suffer fools and specifically white people and so I could like in this conversation with him

we should get him on the dough boys well he's now a ghost of he's passed away I know that I know he's gone but he like it was like he was testing he was like poking me the whole time

like um like I remember I asked him uh you know it's one thing to not like want to go on tour and all this stuff. But what if you just called Largo in Los Angeles?

He lived in L.A. and just said, I'm going to bring that guitar down every other month and do a show. And whatever, my friends want to come by, they'll come by. It would sell out immediately and he would get the pleasure

of performing for an audience and sharing his music with people. And I remember he said to me, I'm not a monkey and I don't have to dance. Wow. And... As he was kind of like pushing me and pushing me and pushing me, I was like, I'm going to hang in here because this is Bill Withers,

and he's obviously a genius, not just of music, but of everything else. And I'm just going to hang in. And by the end, it was like he was my grandfather or favorite uncle. Like, I was almost in tears. I was so moved by this conversation with this incredible guy. and I never like ask for an autograph or something but I had brought a record and it was like in my bag I was like if this goes well and it feels safe I might bring it out and ask him to sign it for me because you truly one of my favorites of all time and I was like I'm going to do it I'm going to do it I'm going to do it I'm going to do it I gave him the record I said would you mind signing or I never do this but would you mind signing a record for me means a lot to me to have gotten to talk to you. And it's still on my wall and it says, Dear Jesse, thank you for your time and thank you for listening.

And I thought it was such an extraordinary reflection of his gift for plain language, for people who know those songs. Like the thing that is so special about them is their, Mitch-like clarity. Sure. But also, it kind of made me think, like, when I'm interviewing people, like,

there's always this part of me that's like, I'm wasting their time. Yeah. We never feel that way. You can relate to that. Like, I'm always like, what is Tom Hanks doing talking to me? I think it's from like a lifetime of, you know,

when we were in Santa Cruz, every guest that was coming on the show, we basically had tricked it to coming on the show. You know what I mean? Every Mike Nelson from Mystery Science Theater 3000 was not selling any extra riff tracks because he came on our college radio show, right? And so I always feel like I'm like wasting people's time

or like, whatever. And then having gone through that really intense experience with Bill Withers and having him give me that message at the end, I thought, oh, right, like... Actually, it's important for people to have the opportunity to share their story. Yeah. Like, people like to talk to someone who gives a shit and is paying attention and is good at talking to them. Right.

I'm like, oh, I've done this a long time every week, practiced a lot. And actually, there is value to the person I'm talking to. It's not just me extracting value like oil out of a well, you know? So that was a really incredible experience. And he did some public stuff after that, which I was really, I was really grateful for because he was such an incredible guy. Wow. What an amazing story.

Yeah, that's great. I'll be right back after word from Manscaped. Perry balls, we've got the solution. I'm so sad we never got Bill Withers on the podcast to ask him if just the two of us is about these nuts. Hello, Mr. Withers. It would have been a great, I mean, that's that rule. That's a great.

We have not, you know, we haven't had that moment yet, but it's coming. You'll get Marin eventually. Yeah, it would be, we'd have a lot to talk about. By the way, would we? Yeah, you got to hash out your differences from when someone was accused of stealing jokes from someone. and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, I got a little history with the guy. Yeah.

Waiting for Guffman. Ah. That was what was filmed in Lockhart. Interesting. That makes sense. Waiting for Guffman is a funny movie. Yeah, very funny movie. In my opinion.

Well, I mean, I don't know how much of it was filmed, you know, the exteriors and stuff like that. Allow me to be the first theater dork ever to say that waiting for Guffman is a funny movie. Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving? We're on the cusp of Thanksgiving here. Of Thanksgiving. Do you have favorite Thanksgiving side or dish? I love stuffing. Stuffing's fun.

I... You say stuffing, not dressing. Sure. I don't know. Here's a thing. All these regional language difference things, I'm from San Francisco. We always say both. I'm just, yeah, that's why I kind of feel like that's a, because as from Southern

California, representing the south part of the state, I feel like we also said both stuffing and dressing, almost instead interchangeably. The Long Beach area? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who did you go to high school with? Well, I mean, I went to high school with a lot of people, but there's some notable alum from Long Beach Pauley High School, by home of scholars and champions. Great. Do you have any friends from back home, Mitch?

Snoop Dog, Warren G. and Cameron Diaz all attended my high school. I was in Tony Gwyn, Major League of Rest in Peace, Billy Jean King, opera singer Marilyn Horn, the NFL player Deshawn Jackson. Okay, now it's a famous alum. Now it's getting bragging. Nick Weiger. I'm way down there on the list. from, I'm right near the top of the list for mine. Are you really?

In the podcasting Hall of Fame. How exciting. Sorry, Iya Cash. Yeah, you heard me, Iya. Any famous North Quincy alone? You want to tell you? I can look up North Quincy High School. Yeah.

Again, the phone is coming in handy here. Where would we be without the phone? A woman from my school won a Tony Award. Not that long ago for being in Headwig in the Angry Inch. Oh, okay. I didn't know her that well. Yeah. It was a public secondary school.

Not like you and Drew Barrymore or whatever. Cameron Diaz. Located in the North Quincy neighborhood of Quincy, Massachusetts. Here we go. Notable alumni mascot controversy. We will skip over that. Our mascot was a jackrabbit. John B. Allen.

Lou Bell. He was there when I was a record producer, Lou Bell. Do you know of him? No. Karen Cashman Wiggs. Karen Cashman. Olympic speed skating bronze medalist. Oh, of course, the Olympic speed skating bronze medalist.

That's right. Cajman. Joe Dudec, Denver Broncos running back. I have cash, Karen Cashman. What's next? Someone else with cash in their name? Ralph McLeod, Major League Baseball. Mike Mitchell, actor and comedian.

Oh, you're on there. How exciting. All right. That's kind of, well, that one's not good. Do you want me to read it? No, it's dark. Charles Sweeney, who is the pilot for the atomic bomb. So some dark stuff in there.

So it's a, you know, it's me versus Karen Cashman and a few others. I don't know. I'm doing all right. You're about as good as an NFL running back. Yeah, why not? It was a quarterback, different story, but running backs are kind of interchangeable. You shouldn't trade a high pick for one. There's a lot of, there's a lot of World War II Medal of Honor.

people in here. I don't know if they're the school I went to for one year, if that has any, if their academy has any more notable alumni. But are you looking at your list, right? Yeah, I'm learning stuff from this. I mean, I, I noted some of them already. And Nate Dogg, I think I knew what I, but I haven't mentioned. I didn't realize, Lita Ford was a Polly alone. Okay. As was Carl Weathers, RIP. Oh, wow. Not in Bill Weathers, but Carl Weathers, a very, very talented actor. And, um, of course. And, uh, I had Sean Jackson. I mentioned, And, yeah, I mean, the number of athletes is, like, kind of staggering. Peyton Watson, who's currently in the NBA, didn't realize I went to Long Beach Polly.

Milton Bradley, of course, and Chase Utley, a couple of MLB guys, in addition to Tony Gwyn. So, yeah, there's a whole bunch of Polly alums out there. The shout out to San Francisco School of the Arts First Class, which featured Margaret Cho, Sam Rockwell, and Aisha Tyler. Wow. They all went at the same time. That's wild. Like 10 years before I was there.

Incredible. After me, Joe Talbot, who made a beautiful film called The Last Black Man in San Francisco. Wow. Wow. A film, wonderful movie. Yeah. How about that? That's pretty damn good.

Dressing, stuffing, it's your fave. That's going to be number one for me on the Thanksgiving list. I'm going to eat that primarily because turkey's not that great. Yeah. I mean, I'll eat some turkey. I'm not, it's not like turkey's awful. It's just not that great. Do you put a, you got your.

You got your stuffing in front of you. You put gravy on that bad boy. Yes, and it better be, what I want out of my stuffing, if I'm frank with you. I'm going to be honest, just like my friend Mike Mitchell. Yeah, please. I just want bread and meat in there, basically. I don't want a bunch of raisins or cranberries. I don't want a bunch of walnuts in there.

Don't get too fancy. Just put some sausages and some bread chunks together and call it a day. Yeah. You know, I don't even like sausage in my stuffing. Really? Mm-mm. Just bread. Bread, celery.

Okay. Is that it? What the fuck else makes? Yeah, I think bread and celery. I think that's all you need. I know that there's other, I made stuffing for the show. You make it, we make it with some chicken stock or turkey stock. Yeah, there we make it with some sage maybe or another herb.

Yeah, there's definitely herbs in there. Yeah. There's a lot of herbs going in there. What are the other top Thanksgiving sides? I mean, I think you have mashed potatoes. I think you guys... I think some people like I'm less in the green bean casserole. I like the green bean casserole, but I'm not going to send it away.

It's my favorite form of green bean. More like a mac and cheese. I've realized recently that I don't think I have ever eaten a casserole. Unless you count like a macaroni and cheese or another thing like that, I just... My father's from the Midwest, but he's from Kansas City. He's not from the northern Midwest, which I feel like is the real casserole country. I feel like we did have casseroles growing up. Mitch, were you in a casserole household? Casserol adjacent thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, to me, green bean casserole, look, green bean's rubbery. You know, you two own, they're a little rubbery. They are rubbery.

In the green bean cassero, I like when they're cooked down in that, it's like a mushroom sauce. And then the onion on top, that's my favorite form of green bean. I love just like a regular sauteed green bean is one of my favorite vegetables. I do like a sauteed green bean. I do like just a straight-up of green bean. Yeah, just soft With some shallots or onions or whatever. Yeah, you could steam it too. I'm fine with that. But, yeah, obviously, you know, one more flavor. You put that in a pan and you do with some garlic. Yeah. Why not?

You two are out of your damn. The green bean casserole is great. But green beans are good. Look, Nicholas, yes. If there's macaroni and cheese on offer, all bets are off. Jesse might not eat anything but macaroni and cheese. I love this stuff. Yeah, it's good.

I love mac and cheese as well, but I kind of weirdly, I know this is, I know a lot of people are going to say I'm wrong. Yes. I don't think of it as. classic Thanksgiving stuff. Fuck you! This is such a regional thing, I think. This is just such a...

I deserve the fuck you. I just, I never thought of it as a... You have to understand. Nick grew up in an African American household. Is it a soul food Thanksgiving? Is it an... I mean, I know it is a soul. I know it is a soul food staple.

I think it is very much in the South too in general. Yeah, but I do always associate with Thanksgiving. Do you really? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Let me ask you guys this. What's your performance? preferred Thanksgiving dessert. Do you like a pumpkin pie, a sweet potato pie, or something else?

I have a lot of, I have a lot of fact, well, I love a pecan pie. I mean, are you kidding? Pecan pie is delightful, but I will say, I know you're going to say pumpkin pie. I think he's dead. I think this guy's dead serious. I have a, I have an affection for pumpkin pie because my grandma would make pumpkin pie. And so, and I, and you liked her. I liked her. I liked her pumpkin pie. I liked other pumpkin pies I've had. You know what she always liked? What's that? These nuts. How dare you? She did, your late grandma. She would have liked that, actually.

Grandma Joe would have like that. Yeah, she loved nuts. She had a good sense of humor. I was going to try to make some, your grandmama Joe's so fat, but I actually don't know any of those jokes. She was a petite woman. Was she? Yeah. Can I tell you this?

If it's dessert time and Thanksgiving, I am sitting there praying that somebody brought an apple pie. Oh, Apple Pie is fun. I don't really like pumpkin pie or sweet potato pie. Wow. But I love apple pie. I like all of them. Otherwise, I might just have ice cream. Yeah.

Emma, you got a favorite Thanksgiving dessert? I'm not a huge pie person. Not a huge pie person. I usually, if there is like ice cream to go with pie, I'd prefer just like a big bowl of ice cream. Wow. My favorite, but my grandmother used to make this apple cake. It's really more of a breakfast food, but I loved that. It was like a moist, wet apple cake, very fall.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah, delicious. I like the move to get the alamo to hold the pie. Yeah, just lots of ice cream. Why not? Hey, your grandma, your grandma Joe is so petite, she could bungee jump off a soda can. That's cute. That's really sweet.

It's like a Stuart Little Joe. I looked up some, uh, I googled, I Googled, your mama's so small. This guy's making Stuart Little Jokes. This guy's the EB White of podcast. That is kind of why. that he operated in both worlds he made this world he made this incredible children's fable and then he also wrote the the definitive guide

to a grammatical style you know what it can I tell I'm going to get I'm going to get real with you guys for a second because now that I've talked shit about how much I hated Avatar I've already established my bona fides is a real snooty fuck yeah um

he said bonifides it probably would have made you more of the people if you if you want to read something that is funny and beautiful and also easy to read. I'm not a big like super long sentences literary reader. Sure. E.B. White's essays for adults for the New Yorker, of which there are, you know, collections you can just, you can just buy are some of the most beautiful, funny, incredible. There's one that he wrote about raising a pig. He lived in Maine most of the, most of the year. Wow. On a farm. Wow. And he

wrote about raising a pig to eat and the kind of life cycle of the pig. I mean, you can obviously you can see the parallel with Charlotte's Webb. Sure. And it is one of the most beautiful piece, maybe the most single most beautiful piece of writing I've ever read

in my life. I believe it's called the death of a pig. I might be getting that wrong, but it's on the internet. Like you can literally do, you don't even need to buy a book. The doughboys autobiography. E.B. White is like one of those things where I read those books with my kids that you know charlotte's web and jump out of the swan and and most kids books

when you are a grown up you are struck by like when i read roll doll to my kids which i loved when i was a kid i was like oh this guy's a fucking asshole yeah sure like this guy's whole deal is hating everyone and thinking only he is good i like the sound of that but when but when i read those, and they're also not, you know, they're perfectly well written, but it's unremarkable. But when I read those E.B. White books, I just thought if I could write one sentence like that, like, oh my gosh, just the most beautiful prose you've ever read in your life and moving, too. Yeah. Here's a question for you. Yeah. More famous, Jaliel White or E.B. White. I think probably in this day and age, Jilliel White, but I think

E.B. White's fame is maybe more likely to endure, at least the name. I will say, if you're going to sum the fame that they accrued over their lifetime. You might say E.B. White. You might say E.B. White. Yeah. But I think in 2025, you'd have to say Juleleel White. Especially because he seems like he's doing well. He seems like he's doing well. He seems like he's doing well. I won an E.B. White sentence that stuck with me from elements of style. I just like, I love the sentence, omit needless words, which is a note I could take more often. But it's just like, it's, that's a three word sentence. That's what you guys were doing earlier when you were looking at the lists on your

phones. Can I make it this? Can I make it a three way? Yeah. Betty White versus Jaliel White versus E.B. White. Let me ask you this. Can I make it a three way? Betty White, E.B. White and Jaliel White. God, you're just saying, can you, can you get in that three way? I would make it a four way. I think it has to be between the three of them. That's a good point. That's a good point. Withdrawn. E.B. White. Unless you just want to observe. I do. Look through the slats of your closet. door. Well, I do. I'd love to know what those guys are working with. I would love to know what they're working. I would love to know what they're working. It's like, why are we doing this? Obviously, obviously my hall pass with my wife, my beautiful wife with whom I've been since I was 17 years old. Wow. My hall passed with my wife, obviously, is a little karate guy. Yeah. If she was willing to expand it to an Urkel or a legendary essayist and children's novelist.

Maybe I could check that out. I would at least love to witness it. Betty White, huge. Betty White maybe wins that now. The Urkel star is fading a little bit. Who's more famous? Betty White or Jack Skellington? I'm going to say Jack Skellington.

I think it might be Jack Skellington. I mean, you know what's funny is that like I remember being younger and Nightmare before Christmas wasn't, it wasn't like a huge movie when it came out. It has grown up so, it's grown so much. It's crazy. They're such a fandom. I remember referencing that movie and some kids didn't know what it was and I felt like a dumbass. I mean, I'll say this, one of the greatest, if not the greatest, hooded sweatshirt

movies of all time. For sure. Yeah. It just also just, you know, the fun, that fun little transition from Halloween over into Thanksgiving and Christmas is a, it's a nice little segue movie. You know what I'm saying? I watched that movie in 40X. Wow.

It was, because Henry Selleck, the director of the film, was coming on Bullseye. They were re-releasing it for its 20th anniversary or 20th, whatever. And of course, it's Tim Burton's the nightmare before Christmas. Henry Selleck has been, until recently, has been kind of omitted from a lot of the, you know, narrative. The remembrance is, yeah, a brilliant and lovely man, Henry Selleck. Right.

And I was like, okay, I'm going to go see it because I hadn't seen it since it was new. And I went to see it, and I realized I had bought tickets to see it in 4D. So I saw it like roller coaster style with sprits of skeleton smell in my face. Bone, bone smell. What would the sense be? Yeah, bone smell. Some bone smell, maybe some pumpkin, you know? Okay, sure.

Mr. Buggety has a little musical number. I'm sure you were moving around for that. Maybe they, maybe they hit you in the back with a bone or something. Yeah, they hit me with a bone. They hit you with a bone. They got, when it was so smart of them when they designed the 4DX system to incorporate the back bone. Because he must have figured at some point we're going to 40xize

Nightmare before Christmas. We're going to need a bone back there to hit people. There are some movies where people get stabbed and then they'll hit you in the back and stuff like that. I've seen a couple of 40X movies with you, or at least Mission Impossible. We saw Mission Impossible at Fallout in 40X. Two Mission Impossibles ago.

Wow. I just want to say, because I'm not a snobby guy, I fucking love those fucking Mission Impossible. They're so good. Did you like Dead Reckoning? Holy shit. I could watch one of those every six months that's four hours long, happily for the rest of my life. Just sitting there watching Tom Cruise alternate between beautiful young Tom Cruise and old Norm MacDonald, depending on the shots.

Dead Reckoning is a little bloated, a little over long, a little too much exposition, but it is a delightful movie. I had a lot of fun. I love it. It's not three times in theaters. Is it Final Reckoning or? Final Reckoning. I like Final Reckoning. Oh, Dead Reckoning is the one.

before that, yeah. I'm trying to recognize the most reason. On my lower end of... A big problem that I have, the main problem that I have with the movies, it's not when they're constantly telling each other about the,

what's the name of the robot that's the bad guy? Oh, the entity. The entity. It's not when they're explaining the entity to each other and still not making sense even though they're just saying

the plot of the movie to each other. It's not that. It's that I can never remember which one of them I have or haven't seen. Like if I'm on Hulu or whatever, and I'm trying to find, figure out which one. They're all the same, basically, except for what's different about them,

but I don't remember. So it's a gift and a curse, though, because that also means I can always enjoy it. It does have an element of, like, sitting on your own hand and then jacking off. Yeah, sure. Which we both know. Yeah. The entity, imagine how many D's nuts jokes

you could get from the NAD. He'd generate an endless supply. He really would. I don't know why he was so obsessed with the the world, but, you know, that's, I guess that's, you know, it's a, it's a, it's a cautionary tale. I think there were actually two reasons, I think there were actually two reasons why he was so obsessed with destroying the world. Well, yeah, what was it?

D's nuts. I think he was, I think he was, I think it was sort of like it was a, it was a machine supremacy sort of argument, right? It's like by exterminating biological why life the machines can thrive. But then I don't know how like power can, I guess he'd figure out a way to generate power on his own. I think it was trying to, like, save the world by destroying it, right? Wasn't that kind of the idea of the entity?

I guess so, yeah. Like a new world order sort of thing? Maybe, maybe like a, like a, you know, rabid sort of radical eco-terrorist sort of argument for exterminating humanity. I'm in trouble here. What's, what happened? We might need to do a bathroom breakdown. Oh, boy. Well, Mitch, you know, we do have to get into this week's chain.

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Successful bathroom breakdown. All right. I did have a successful because I took my drug today, so I didn't know if that would happen. Yeah. I think it's because we ate so much food. We sure did from Costco. I created my own little chicken bacon there. Oh, God.

I listen. You want to hear the song I listen to? Yeah, please. I won't play it, but I listen to Kidnap the Sandy Clause. Oh, so you went in there with a nightmare before a Christmas soundtrack. That's right. Okay. Paul Rubens, Catherine O'Hara, and Danny Elfman.

Those are the three. But I forgot Paul Rubens was in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul Rubin's and Catherine O'Hara, both passed Bulls, I guess. Wow. It's wonderful Bulls, I guess, although Paul would not let our, he was in a hotel room somewhere, so we were doing what they call a double-ender where you record on both sides and put them together. And so we sent someone with a microphone to him to record him, and he was uncomfortable with them

and wouldn't let them get close enough. I later made, I produced the Pee Wee-Herman Radio, hour. So I worked with him over the course of 75 years that it took us to make that one hour of radio

because he was a nightmare to work with but he was the nicest man in the world also and like my hero of all time. Just very particular and just could not have been

there's no human possible way anyone could have been more particular. Got it, yeah. You should host this show with someone for a week.

I think I'm particular? Yeah. I'm not that particular. What are you talking about? You're a particular person? Oh, so? Yeah. Yeah.

How am I particular? Oh, Jesus Christ. Never mind, you're not. I think you're both particular, but about different things. I think you're more particular. I think there's a little bit of projection. Oh, my God. You know what?

I think you guys. I would agree with me. I think you guys are both. Suss? Not here. You're a particular guy. What do you have a particular guy? You don't think you're particular?

I don't know what that means. Oh, my God. I think you're particular. Oh, God, fuck you. We're talking Costco, reviewed in 2020 with Griffin Newman during friendly green grocer Mitch's grocery store month. Remember that during the pandemic? What a time.

This episode was... Hodgman was a guest on that. Hodgman and David Reese, a two-hander. That episode was also the debut of Slop Quiz, which was a pandemic innovation. First time we had the Slop Quiz segment. I feel like we're getting visited by the ghost. of podcast history. Jesse, we sure are.

It is in the Platinum CART Club. And since that review, the big developments are the rise of the Costco guys, of course, and the rise of the double chocolate chunk cookie. The Costco guys have risen. They sure have. Since we lasted the...

Rizzlin? They've Rizzled. Are we imagining some sort of Costco guys' communion here? I guess so. Is this a Costco guy's Easter? They roll the chicken. make from the mouth of the cave. They pass out chocolate chunk cookies, like community wafers.

Man, that's a big ass wafer. Costco was your pitch. Why Costco? Sonic's not going to be fast enough for me with that fucking chocolate chunk cookie. Nick, I love Costco. Yeah. I grew up lower middle class, sometimes like bordering on poor. And I had two very acrimoniously divorced parents.

my mother was a retail worker and then a student when I was young and my father was like an organizer. And so there was no money. I never went hungry, but no money. And then when I was 13, my father's aunt died and my father got his service disability certified. and 100% post-traumatic stress disorder, not to brag. And the result of that was twofold. One, we got a car. We got a used accord wagon.

And cable and a color TV. I want to be clear, I'm not that old. Yeah. Like this was in the mid-90s that we got a color TV. We got a color TV and we got cable. and we got that thing where it's like music that comes on your cable

and that just felt like a completely transformational thing in my life and we joined Costco wow so to me like I often listen

to the doughboys I love your show as you know I'm probably the number one doughboys fan in America wow and certainly the number one celebrities

I think you're both quite particular I think you're tied And first of all, I think you're tied. Second of all, I don't like it when mommy and daddy fight. As a child of an acrimonious divorce, I'm worried that you guys are going to get divorced and then you're going to be in court until I'm 16 years old,

starting from when I'm four. Oh, four. Oh, shit. 12 years. Anyway, so to me, Costco is like this symbol of middle class abundant. Yeah, sure. Like, I still have these vivid memories

of, like, having a box of corn dogs in the freezer from Costco, or having a flat of top ramen. Yeah. Or having giant bags of, like, my best friend, Peter Fraunfelder. Great name. It is. It was his stage name Pete Fields of slow-motion Cowboys, Country and Western Singer.

but Pete used to Pete's wife just texted me to ask if this was real and it was 100% real. He used to live at the top of Bernal Hill

in San Francisco. I lived at the bottom at the edge of the mission and he would come to my dad's house. There was a way that you could reach through the gate,

open the door and reach around and press the buzzer for the gate and let yourself in. He would break into my house in this manner

and then my father or stepmother would come home and he would, Peter, would be sitting at our dining room table, eating our cereal, because as far as he was concerned, we always had the good cereal. And it was because we bought frosted mini-weights at Costco. So he would just be housing these giant bags of frosted mini-weets at my house. So to me, Costco has always been like this symbol

of the part of my life when I was in my teens that I sort of joined the middle class. I mean, we never like, what we're talking about is my dad going on disability. But that was more consistent than the income of an anti-war organizer. Sure. I mean.

And I have been a member of Costco with my mother. My mother and I share a Costco account. Don't tell Costco. But my mother and I share a Costco account since I was in college. and I was recently featured in Costco Connections magazine. Were you really? Wow.

Yeah. Wow. What was the context? It was a cover story about podcasting. Was it really? Wow. Yeah. And I know what you're thinking, Jesse, you were on the cover of Costco Connection magazine.

No, it was a pair of headphones. But there was a picture of me on the inside of the magazine. Wow. But that's like showing the Mickey ears. I got more, the two pieces of press that I've gotten in my life. Look, when I got, when I married my wife, we were in the, New York, we were in New York Times marriage column. You know what I mean?

The two pieces of press, I've been on the popular podcast, whatever. The two pieces of press that I've actually gotten a reaction from are one time they mentioned me on Howard Stern News, the news show about Howard Stern

on the Howard Stern channel on Sirius XM. That's pretty good. And all my Gen Xers, all the Rob Cordries of the world, texted me like, oh shit, dude, they just talked about you on Howard News and the other one is Costco Connection magazine. Wow. The flood, the flood of notes from people who said their aunt read about me in Costco Connection magazine and asked, do you know this Jesse Thorne fellow? Wow. Yeah. I get that Costco Connection magazine. You know, as to you,

I'm sure. It's like one of the largest circulation magazines in the world. That's wild. And I'm sure, are you, are you jealous hearing this? You would like to, I mean, I think I would like that's a drink. I would love to be featured in a Costco. Why is it a cost ho? You know what I'm saying? I'm kind of a cost ho. You know what I'm saying.

I know what you're saying, yes. You get it. What's the Costco fanatic? I don't know, Costco fan, but I get cost ho is a nice sport. Yeah, I thought it was a pretty good one.

It's pretty clever. I thought costo was good. You gave you a look like you were mad at me. I'm a costo. What do you want for me? Nicholas, the audio audience can't tell. Yeah. But you're aware.

wearing an embroidered Kirkland signature sweatshirt. That's right. That's a crew neck. Now, Nick, I almost wore mine to this recording. We would have been handholding buddies. We would have been the band Handholding Club with Jemmy, who's also wearing the Kirkland hoodie that we mentioned earlier. But you look very dapper all dressed up.

You look great. Thank you. And you're wearing, are those Kirkland Signature short shorts that you're wearing as well as? No, these are just short shorts. Oh, they're just short shorts. They're just sweats, the sweatshorts that happen. Actually, these are bare bottom is the band. It's a brand. Oh.

I get the clarity on that Why they're called that, yeah Specificity is the soul of narrative My man So you like Costco Is this like a like Do you know Costco as an adult You must go with regularity

So family As a family man I go Family guy So infrequently As a family guy I go so infrequently But when I go

I just try and spend as much money As I can So like the experience of being at a busy Costco is stressful for me. Right. Like, I don't love that part of Costco. So I will go, like, quarterly, and then I will buy, like, $1,100 worth of food at Costco when I'm there. Like, I will, and it's not, like, because I bought a diamond ring.

I just fill my house wall to wall. Like, have you ever seen, have you ever seen Little Dieter needs to fly? a Werner Herzog movie? I know the movie. I've never seen it. Oh, yeah, an incredible, incredible movie. It's about this German-American pilot who was a POW in the Vietnam War,

and he was held in Laos without food, right? And, like, in like a jungle jail. And this is a documentary, right? This is a documentary. And they later, and they later made it, he later made a fictional version called Rescue Dawn. Exactly. And in this movie, there's this scene.

Well, for one thing, there's a series of scenes where Werner Herzog makes him reenact his capturer and you're like, wow, Werner Herzog is intense. But there's a scene where he's in his house in Mount Tamil Pius in Marine County, which is a really lovely,

affluent place to live. And he's in his, like, beautiful, open plan, exposed wood kitchen. And he just, like, lifts up the floor and it reveals that underneath the floor is like, you know, 40 bags, 40, 40 pound bags of rice. And he says,

If I don't have this in my house, I can't sleep at night. Wow. And, like, that's what my house is like after I go to Costco. It's just, like, piles of San Marzano tomatoes to the ceiling. Yeah. I wish there was a single man's aisle at Costco. It would be nice to not have it. Every time I'm just hand lotion.

I mean, actually, I would still buy the gigantic hand lotion. I just want, you know, I don't need, like, three times the chicken breast and all that stuff. Yeah, I mean, I will. I will say, like, even as a, as a couple, uh, we, the food is less of the, I mean, we get, look at stuff that won't spoil, but we don't have like a ton of a rental. We don't have a ton of, like, a ton of, like, freezer space or anything. So it's not like you're getting a lot of food there. What I'm getting a lot of, very oftentimes there is, like, dry goods, uh, paper goods,

you know, but they, like, beverages, things that, that can, that'll keep. But, like, I don't get a ton of food at Costco, but I still got a lot of utility out of the membership. Because also, they'll have things like, there's just so many. gift cards you can get at Costco that are like, like right now they have, and, you know, I'm not, like, I'm not the biggest Uber guy, but you can't avoid it. It's like these services you can't not use, you know what I mean? I'm banned for it. They have, oh, that's, for using the name Top Dog, you know this. But you did, did you ever get your account restored? No. You're just not on Uber. I can't use Uber or Postmates. I have to use lifts. That's the

truth. Anyway, they have the, they have Uber. And you know, fuck that. I fuck Uber. They're a horrible company. They are a bad company, but they do have Uber gift cards at Costco and they have DoorDash gift cards as well that are like, you know, you get like $250 ones for like $80. God, you know what I love? Yeah. I love getting up to that counter and being like, can you give me some of them stamps where you get one free stamp? I didn't know you could do that.

You can buy stamps at the counter at Costco and they charge you the cost of the book of stamps minus one stamp. And they're just losing the money. Yeah. They don't give a shit. They don't get a discount from the United States government. They just want you there and they just want you there and they approve. appreciate your membership.

That's wild. They're grateful that you join them. I mean, I think, Nick, one of the things that you might like about Weiger, I know Mitch is sort of a Pinkerton. Yes. But one of the things you might like about Costco is that one of the things you might like about Costco is they're famous for treating their employees well, for paying well, caring for their employees well.

There has been some, like the founding CEO who built Costco retired seven or eight years ago. He's still alive, still somewhat involved in the company. But there has been some talk that it has like moved more towards traditional exploitative retail practices. But still dramatically better than the alternatives, at least in the non-unionized alternatives in the grocery industry. How often are you going to a Costco food court when you're there? I probably go to the Costco food court 80% of the time. Yeah. Me too.

I'm almost always like hitting up the food court and at least getting myself a hat-dog. It's always so, I mean, even in whatever, the 15 years I've gone to Costco or whatever, or even more so like the decade I've gone to Costco, more so when Do Boy started. The food court is even more insane than it ever has been. I'll say this. The benefit I've gotten from it recently, I went to Hawaii and I booked on Costco travel. And it saved me some big bucks because I booked, I booked our hotel. I went with the Buealea Beach Resort, I booked our hotel at and it saved us like huge money.

Yeah, I just, I just booked a rental car from Costco. And it saves you, it saves you big money. It's wild. I had, I had no idea about that. And then I was Googling and redditing. And they were like, if you have Costco membership, use it for, for, for, with Costco travel. Yeah, most, most of the. services that are associated with Costco are not great and not a great deal.

Yeah. Like most of the things that you're not actually, you know, the window shades and all these things that they have like displays of, but they're not selling in the store. I've read some skeptical takes on the tires as well. Yeah, the tire shop is, um, I mean, they will like replace your tire for free without complaint, but the, the biggest problem I've had with the tire shop is they just don't have enough tires on hand. So it's always kind of a hassle.

Yeah. Also, have you ever had this experience where you, like, get a hole in your tire, and you go to the tire store? And then they fix it and they charge you like $15 or $20. And you're like, what a miracle. Yeah. I almost like the opportunity to give them the $20 to do. I'm like, I couldn't even begin to do whatever the fuck you just did. You just patch this tire.

Yeah, plugging it up. You plug it. Like, $20 barely feels like a fair price for you to like go and get my car wheel into the air. Yeah. You know what I mean? The labor alone should cost more than $20. Anyway, yeah, so those things often not a great deal, but Costco travel often a great deal. Yeah, good deal.

And when I got gas from there, too, it was decent in Hawaii. It was much cheaper than a... Dude, people go apeshitting those Costco gas. I drive an electric now, but I used to buy... When I drove back and forth to Santa Cruz to do the sound of Young America in the early days of Bullseye, I was driving back and forth between San Francisco and Santa Cruz, and I would get gas at the Santa Cruz Costco. People be, people be going ap shit.

Oh, yeah. It's really a wild cue. Yeah. Look, today, when we were there today, the food court was pretty wild, I'd say. Wouldn't you? It was pretty packed. I've seen it worse. It moves well.

It moves well. And let me just say this, the food court, they know what they're doing. We go up there. We got a big honk and dough boys order that we place at the kiosk. I'm apologizing as I'm handing the receipt. She's like, don't apologize. And she's completely got it under control. She fucking called you a new.

Just an absolute fucking. She was like, fucking relax. She didn't call me a dweeb. Yes, she didn't call me a dweeb or a new. Hold on. She said, this guy's pretty particular, but he's a fucking nude. Mitch, she called him a cuck. She didn't call him a cuck.

She called you a cuck. I said, don't call me that. Then he was like, do call me. Fuck my wife. She was, she was a pro. She was a complete. Complete pro. Just absolutely knocked everything guy.

And also, Mitch, because we called ahead. So you were driving to the polling place. You called the Costco food court and put in an order for a whole cheese pizza, which was overkill. But I'm glad we got the whole cheese pizza. You get the different experience in having a slice. Sure, yeah. But you placed it over the phone. The guy was so cool about it.

The guy was cool as hell. And the pizza was ready as shit when we got there. The pizza was ready. We were like, here for pizza. And I don't even, I think they just keep slinging them out. Because we were like, we're here for the pizza. And I don't think that, like, because I don't even tell them that the name was Mitchell. Usually it takes a little bit of time for an, for a pizza.

Like, I've seen it take like 45 minutes before. So, like, it's sometimes helpful to call ahead. But I think we wanted a time where they just had them at, it was basically like a little Caesar hot and ready. The word, slinging them. The word on the Costco subreddit of which I am a member, our slash Costco, is that the move is to order your pizza on the way into the Costco, do your shopping, and grab your pizza on the way out, bring it home. I've heard of this before. I've heard people doing that.

I've also heard good things about the new Detroit pizza that's available inside the Costco. Okay. The Taken Bank. They used to have a red phone, like a Batman phone that you pick up inside and then call and order a pizza from inside the store, which was a lot of fun,

but they don't have that anymore. They don't have the hotline. I know. Thank God they didn't have the black phone. Can you imagine? That's one of the movie, the black phone. That's there, yeah. Is this from the hotline?

is this thing good news or it's no it's I mean I think it's very haunted I believe the black phone is haunted but it's also helpful the black phone is a source of it's helpful it's helpful but Ethan Hawk also like my local Honda dealer it's it's helpful in the way a local Honda dealer

is except that it's ghosts except it's the ghost of murdered children who are giving guidance on how to escape the prison you're trapped Do you have a black phone in your house or no yeah yeah you gotta have a black phone it's 2025 did you do this to us Nick click um i just started watching i watched half of the black phone yeah maybe i watched the black phone too just having an okay time with it yeah i liked i you know what i'm shocked i said it the other day

it welcome to dairy have it i was having a good time with it i was shocked couldn't believe that i was enjoying it yeah it's the king of verse we were talking about i haven't seen it it's the it's the stevenkings redemption the shashank prison is in it welcome to derry and then uh i told nick this but like they they're like they're like they reveal a guy and it's like it's dick hollering and he's you know the guy from the shining he's in so they're all there it's like really a king of hers show and they they're all there's crazy trucks for maximum override i pray that we get to see those cocaine those cocaine trucks if we see the goblin truck for maximum overdrive i'll be thrilled or a langelier here or there i'd be happy

yeah it just said our cat died we got to go bury them in a pet cemetery oh way hold on the the cat was eaten by kujo you say that but i'm i'm telling you there is going to be some sort of pet cemetery. You can feel it already. I'm sure. I just got hit by a real car. Reference to his actual life. I thought he's okay. He's doing better. Oh no. The cell attack.

I don't know. You remember how cell cell. The cell phones turned everyone into zombies. Do you remember this? The cell turned everybody into zombies. Yeah, that's, I think the, I think. What color were those phones? Right. The only king book I've read. Cell.

You read Cell? I read Cell. What led you to read Cell? Classic choice. I think because it was like Stephen King and it's a zombie book. And then everyone's told me to read the dark tower. Is that? Dark Tower, yeah.

I just read the first book, the Gunslinger. I really enjoyed it. Is it a trilogy? What is it? It's like seven books. Oh, it's a sprawling serious. That guy gets him out. He really does turn out an incredible volume of work.

But you know what? A maniac as well. Ultimately, not a lot of unnecessary words. Yes, omit needless words to quote E.B. White. Now, all right, I got something here. Here's something to not omit, but to add. Oh, ho. The converse.

The student has become the teacher. The antonym. Uh-huh. Pretty good. Sure. The antonym. You know what? I said this at Costco.

Nick, I said it to you on the way out. The thing that was slowing down that line, you're a creamsman. Ice cream was slowing everything down And I was saying a cold drinks window There's a pizza pickup window A cold drink slash ice cream window Only would be very helpful at Costco What if they would make you a freeze

Or a float? I think that that is it I think that that that is it I think that's a cold drink That would be fun I think that's at the cost I think that's at the cold window And here's the thing

And like the mocha freeze Would be there as well you're saying That's what I'm saying She was slinging out the hot Like the gun slinger She was slinging out hot food left and right. We were getting everything. She should have been slinging out cold food like Mr. Freeze from the movie Batman and Mr. Freeze.

There is no, hold on a second now. There is no Batman and Mr. Freeze. I made your drink. Was that Arnold? It's cold. I made your cold drink. It's me, Mr. Freeze. I've never.

I remember this from his bullseye interview. I've never heard. I've never heard. did you an impression I don't think ever in my life and your Arnold is and who knew I'm fucking Darrell Hammond over there pretty good I think

a cold, a cold icy window would be a I think by the way the trip three is me and Steve Coogan and that other guy were doing impressions down at the Costco food store it's a little bit of a bottleneck you're correct with the cold drink

rather the the frozen item The caramel brownie sundae, the strawberry lemonade. We did get held up by a couple chocolate chunk, a double chocolate chocolate. That was the main thing we were waiting on, but that was just the, you know, they had to heat up a couple more of those, which generally is no problem at all because you're getting them double chunks straight out of the oven. Yeah, it's not a problem to get cookies. But you apparently do have a problem consuming chocolate because of your, they aggravate your migraines. Yeah, it's a migraine trigger. But you know what?

At the end of the day, I don't eat chocolate things. generally. Yeah. But I'll be fucked if I'm going to fucking lose out on eating chocolate chip cookies the greatest fruit on earth. Like, there was a period where I went on this migraine exclusion diet or just excluded everything that's a migraine trigger for anybody.

Yeah. And they add them in slowly. You ever try cullipta? They put me on that for a minute. Yeah, that worked. How'd Culipta go for you? It was okay. I got Amovig.

Amovig. They thought that my long COVID was, was, migraines. But it was long COVID. Long COVID. Too long, if you ask me. I agree with you. It's over,

it's, I just hit the two year mark of long COVID. Wow. That's why I pulled out my little bag of drugs that I have, this looks a little bit more like a dare bag, because I haven't taken them all today. But there we go. We've got some bag of baggo drugs.

I would love if every doughboys had a part where you just had one of those tables covered in drugs like, like the sheriffs have after a drug bus. Oh, yeah. And the guests can just help themselves. $1.4 million. I love those exhibitions. I can't have chocolate because it's a migraine trigger.

But luckily, when I did that diet, I did find that I could have cheese because if I also had to give up pizza, it would be totally fine. Yeah, that's rough. But I'm a real creamsman. Hell yeah. And I do like to eat ice cream at Costco. Yeah. I will usually get a sweet treat from Costco, but I'll usually opt for like a smoothie. And right now they have the strawberry lemonade.

and so that's kind of become my go-to. But also they have- They switched, yeah, that's what we had. I thought that was a strawberry banana. Boy, it might be a, I'm pretty sure it was strawberry lemonade. I think they have a strawberry lemonade. Yeah, I think that's what it is. Do you order the strawberry banana?

No, I'm pretty sure I ordered the strawberry lemonade. There's a strawberry, there's a berry smoothie. There's a berry, well, no, they've discontinued the berry smoothie and replaced it with a strawberry lemonade. That's gone. Yeah, that's gone. Fuck! Fuck, I'm so stupid!

No, it's fine. No, it's fine, it's fine, it's an understandable mistake. I came here, I said I'm in the magazine, I made a whole big fucking thing out of it. Looks like there won't be a sequel in the magazine. Just so excited, you know, one of my favorite shows. It's a frozen strawberry lemonade. It's a frozen strawberry lemonade.

It's good. I like it quite a bit. We're excited to have you here, too. I like it, I like it too. Look, I just want you guys to know, if you look here in my podcast app, there it is. Wow. Subscribe to the podcast. How about that?

You subscribe to us. R slash doughboys. I subscribe to R slash No boys What's your What's your Yeah stay out of there It's a sewer

What's your podcast app of choice I like overcast I'm an overcast man too Yeah Emma you probably don't listen to podcast No My podcast app of choice is pro tools Classic podcast producer mode

There's no list No actual podcast you listen to It's impossible to It's impossible to turn that part of my brain off And I hear like a click or a pop or a cough In another podcast I like instinctually like reach for my computer to fix it.

I'm like, nope. Are you listening to every episode? Do you have to listen to every episode? Or can you just match it up with the, you know what I'm saying? With the little vocal shit. What do you mean match it up with the? Mitch is asking, hold on. Hold on.

I'm in the podcast, All of Fame. What Mitch is asking you is when you produce the podcast, the dough boys, do you listen to the episodes or just have a computer listen to them for you? Most people these days have the computer do it for them, but I can't do that because I have control issues, so I listen to it. Oh, I thought sometimes you looked at the little vocal waves sometimes. I mean, I will, I do a thing. You ever look at those vocal waves?

I do a thing sometimes with, especially this show, because I know the way you guys speak so well, I can sometimes I'll be pre-mix where I like can draw my automation in without listening to it, but then I listen to it later to make sure I pull anything out. but it's more... You've listened to so many episodes of our shitties. It sucks. I've listened to everything

since I started at least twice. But the most of the time if I do that, I can like fold my laundry while I listen and make it more of a passive listen than a sit and like lock and listen.

It's like a little different. Yeah. Man, your job sucks. Yeah, I can't think of the worst job. Yeah, my rates are going way. We're bankrupt. We'll talk off five. No, it's a, you do,

You're very thorough. That's the way you're the best in the biz. Thank you. I think it's that little extra sauce on top. Yeah. Actually listening to it, not having an AI do it. But I get why you don't want to listen to podcasts in your spare time.

Yes. A lot of people do do the computer thing, which I can hear aggressively and it bothers me. Right. Yeah. So you're like a Costco regular. You hit up the food court. Let me run down the roster of what we got.

And I'm curious. It's quite the roster. We got a number of different things. We got hot dogs for all We got double chunk cookies for all We also got a cheese pizza A whole cheese pizza Which I think much of is still in the kitchen

We got a combo calzone Which is a new item they have We got a hot turkey and provolone sandwich Another fairly recent addition to the menu We got a chicken bake A Costco guy's staple We got a caramel brownie Sunday Which is another new addition to the menu

And then the strawberry lemonade Which has had It would just come on pretty recently I mean let's start I guess in In Italy And we each got hot dogs as well. That's the first thing I said. Oh, whatever.

But yes, we each got hot dogs. And I ate mine there. Yeah, you ate your hot dog immediately. I ate my hot dog immediately. Kind of a power move. You also ate some hot dog when you got back here. I need, well, I don't need my dog. That's not true.

I've eaten raw dog. I mean, I've eaten no toppings on a dog. Yeah, I went raw dog when we got back here. Yeah, I wanted a little bit of, I wanted, some toppings on there. No, I had a, still no onion. I had a, I had a Costco hot dog at the Costco food court two days ago. I did not need this other hot dog, but I got it anyway.

But that, that, that Costco hot dog I had, I put, you know, yellow mustard, relish and onions, you get the onions from behind the counter. Oh, I didn't get them. Yeah, but, yeah, you have to ask for them. I didn't want to burden this worker even further, but I, here's, here's what I'm going to just say this right off the bat. Yeah. Cheese pizza and the hot dog are the Big Mac.

of Costco. They're, they're, they're great. Yeah, that's what, I mean, my, my, my go-toe will be a slice of cheese and a hot dog. That's, that's usually like, like, my, my Costco lunch. Double. Yeah, I'll get a hot dog and a slice of cheese. You get two entrees. Yeah, why not? Wow, fucking piggy. It's incredible. Oink, oink. Where are you like a pig eating at a trough? Yeah, death of a pig. Yeah. White should fucking write about you. Can I just say, some pig over here. It is, it is something. He is some pig. I work up an appetite. I go up there and a feast. Sometimes I'll just do the hot dog.

Yeah. But a hot dog is... It's a beefy boy. I... It's a big boy. I am sick. I feel sick. We got a...

We had a lot of stuff to try. We overindulged. If we weren't doing this podcast as this episode as an exercise, we would have not have gotten this. I would never have got the combo calzone or the provolent turkey and provolent sandwich on my own. I would never order this. I'll never get them again.

They were both, they were both pretty bad. The Calzone, I guess, was serviceable, but why would I get that over the pizza? The calzone is serviceable. I got to tell you. salt bomb through and through. Yeah. That is a salty... So tired of salty pizza.

It's just so much meat and it's too much for me. Also, goofy. I thought the calzone was okay. No. You didn't mind it. I didn't mind it. I wouldn't order it again. That's because I'm a hot dog guy.

I hated the sandwich. I thought the sandwich was straight up bad. Yeah, sandwich kind of stuff. Yeah, it's really... The tomato, it has a strong tomato. Too much tomato. A lot of tomato, as the wives would say. Emma, did you like the calzone?

It was okay. I think I almost wanted it to have more dough. Like, it didn't, it seemed, like, I don't know. I think of a calzone as, like, a folded-up pizza, and it just felt, like, kind of thin. Yeah, it's a really interesting way to think of a... I don't know if that's, like... But, like, their pizza crust is, like, fairly thick and fluffy, so I was expecting that on the calzone, and I feel like that's not quite what it was. This more felt, it felt like a hand pot pie.

Yeah. It was very liquidy. Yes. I didn't much... I thought it was okay. I agree with you, but I didn't much care for it. Yeah, it was a little wet. Really wet.

The cheese pizza, I thought, was much better than the calzone. I'd much rather just have a slice of the pizza versus calzone. Cheese pizza is not, for sure. Wasn't bad. 100%. Now, the chicken bake. Let's talk about this. The Costco guys love the chicken bake.

Do you have a take on the Costco guys? One of those guys is a little guy called the Rizzler. Yeah, the Rizzler, yeah. That's the, that's the tertiary Costco guy. Is that your take on them? There's AJ, there's Big Justice in the Rizzler. I seen this, I seen this Rizzler at the baseball game, Rizzling up the baseball team.

Wow. Yeah. How about that? Rizzles up, I believe the New York Mets. I believe that's who he likes to Rizzle up. The Rizzler has shot into the stratosphere. He also, I don't think has hit puberty yet. So he's, I think he's young guy. He's like nine years old.

Yeah, he's got a little while. To me, I haven't, I'm not on TikTok. I haven't actually seen any of the videos of the Costco guys. To me, they are baseball personalities. Sure. Just like the little girl that puts a hex on the Dodgers at the Giants game. And also the giant bunny rabbit. that was a service animal

that used to go to the Giants game, may it rest in peace. Cute. That's... Well, I don't think it's cute that the rabbit died. It's not cute that it died, but it's cute that this rabbit went to the...

It's not cute that this rabbit. It was huge. This rabbit was fucking huge, Nick. You wouldn't believe this rabbit. Incredible rabbit. I like a big old rabbit. I like a big rabbit. I held the big rabbit in a birthday boy sketch.

I don't know if you remember this. It was Mitch's Secret Garden. Oh, okay. Yeah. How many group called The Birthday Boys? I brought it up now. I guess I've gotten to the point now where I'm getting, you know, nostalgic for my old sketch group, which is, how about that?

You know, as sad as it gets, I guess. You know, this has come up on the Doe Boys before, but I just want to take an opportunity to say, I knew, I knew Mitch, long before I knew Nick. Nick, you were office mates with my co-host Jordan Morris from that midnight. That's how I came to know you. Yeah. But Mitch and I knew each other. wrong before that, yeah, from our mutual sketch comedy days back when I was doing sketch

with George. Frank the Dean, am I correct? And I have to say, one of my most treasured memories of those days, even more than the time that we were playing the Seattle Sketch Comedy Festival and we were sleeping in someone's three-car modular outdoor garage that had been converted into a theater for Burning Man, where they put on productions of Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes, and there weren't any windows. so when Jordan woke up in the middle of the night and was kind of drunk,

he ended up just having to pee in a corner. Classic Jordan Morris. Even more than that memory. One of my most fond memories is watching you guys do gotta get that pie. We got catch. There's just like, you know,

you do these shows with other sketch comedy groups at festivals. This was like before the days that everybody's video, everybody had sketches on the internet. Yeah. So it was like you do these, you go to festivals,

you'd meet other groups, you'd be like some, you'd be like, oh, that's fine. And some, there would be something special would happen. I saw them do that, that sketch at, uh, at the New York UCB, I think. It was, it was New York, it was the New York sketch fest. Wow. This is the truth.

You guys were there. We were there. The Apple sisters. I'm trying to think there was other, there was other sketch. Maybe the, maybe white as kids. I don't know. I don't know who was there. 10 West maybe used to do a lot of those brilliant sketch duo from here in Los Angeles.

There was some, there were some, some, some sketch folk there. I think all the time about. Oh, got to get their pie. That was our opener. That was our big opener. I think it sort of loses a little bit of steam when you come out on the Moomoo. But the, oh, got to get the CalPackus this part. Ooh, CalPaccus's this part is really good.

And Hanford's really good in it, too. Yeah. And Mitch is the best in it, of course. Well, Mitch comes out and kind of does an Adam Sandler character, but it's all right. The rest of it's so great. I very much do do it, Adam's there. You know what? It's a charmer.

You know, I've never even thought of it that until this moment that that was very much at Adam Sandler character. It's all right. It was like, oh, like my pie. That's what I was doing. That's right. You're an old lady who gets badly beaten. I'm an old lady who gets badly beaten by the rest, by the boys.

They put, see, Nick, yeah. They put a pie on a ladder. And then they just go, oh, I got to get that pie. They can't reach it because they position the ladder poorly. They can't reach the pie. Yeah, I guess the ladder is like a high land or something. Tearing the sketch apart. It's a funny sketch.

It made me laugh. Mitch, I love got to get that pie. Ask Coddron how many times I've made him listen to me talk about how much I love. Well, you know what? At that time, we were a little star-struck by you backstage because we were the Sound of Young America listeners. Really? Yeah.

So me and CalPakas, this is like the end of CDs, but like I would get CDs burnt of The Sound of Young America. Oh, that's so sweet. I just did a 25th anniversary show at LAIS here in Pasadena, the NPR station here in Los Angeles. And Jason Manzukas was on, was a guest on. on the show. One of the funniest guys in the world, obviously.

And one of the handsomest guys in the world. Just ask him his many celebrity love interests. Anyway, Jason Manzukas came on the show and he was telling me, you know, you got a couple laughs. He was telling me about listening to the. You don't like that? No, I mean, wait, I was complimentary. Zooks, it is.

You look good and you're funny. Your sides are splitting. Then your pants are splitting from your fucking boner. It's a good looking guy and he's very fun. Funny. It's got it all. Jason Manzoukis was telling me about listening to The Sound of Young America right around on the subway in New York in those days. Wow.

And it was really lovely to hear that like the work that I made meant so much to people who I liked and admired back then. And it was a vivid reminder that would be nice if people still listen to my shows. They do. Of course they do. Bullseye is out of control crazy. Popular, Jesus. Out of control crazy.

It's out of control. Not really NPR's least popular program. Oh, I don't say that. It's true. I get the ratings. Hey, Dope Boys listeners, listen to Bullseye. There you go. I think at some point it was the Thistle and Shamrock, the Celtic music program.

Okay. I don't think that's an NPR show. Well, I think you still have a lot to be proud of. Like, you know, what's... I mean, look, if there was a, if there was like a battle arena for public radio shows, I went in one door and Dr. Zorba Pastor on your health went in the other door, I'd come out, holding Zorba Paster's head up over me. Blood pouring from the stump.

Jordan Jesse Goh, one of the funnest shows to guest. Of course. Absolutely delightful podcast. You're a multiple time doughboys guest two times. That's multiple. Yeah. What did you think of the chicken bake? Like the locusts I come around 13 years.

Why did I think of the chicken bake? I have a lot of fondness for the chicken bake. I would say, like, I'm a person who when I'm a person who, when I listen to the dough boys am often surprised at how much people like the things that they ate because I think

I've always lived in a place where there was like a better thing to eat than Taco Bell. Like I just have always lived where like there's a burrito on the corner that's going to be better than anything that's true

in a fast food restaurant. Sure. But it's different. It's also not Taco Bell. It's a little different. I get what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. I, the point here is that I'm a smug prick, everybody else.

But with the, with the chicken bake, I think that is the single most disgusting and meritless food that I like. Yeah. Oh, that you like, okay. It has a weird, like, inside of this bread is this weird sort of flour paste that I think they make by taking raw flour and crisco and combining them with a mortar and pestle. like it is a truly like it is the weirdest food in the world you know what i this this trip when we were cutting open when we were cutting slices of the chicken bake it did kind of gross me out that it was just like gristle like just chicken ground up with bacon into this mush and i there's no

there's no like notable flavor like i guess it's supposed to be ranch it's supposed to be kind of caesery i believe seizory yeah i mean it is of the vaguest of flavors yeah of the than salt and fat. I don't think I realize there was bacon or Caesar in there at all. I think that I could see that, but I also think it's a very strong flavor of whatever it is. I think it's very bacony or something to me. I don't know.

It's very savory. It's very savory. Honestly, I like chicken bake so much. I don't usually get them because they're like 1,100 calories or something. And I'm like, they're so heavy. I would rather eat a giant bowl of ice cream like Emma. Like at the end of the day. anytime I'm looking at something that's like really calorie dense, I'm generally thinking I'd

rather eat a giant bowl of ice cream. Right. I get it. But I do really like them to the point where once in a while, I will buy the like box of frozen ones. Wow. And the only problem is they take like a full 45 minutes or something to cook. Right. Have you guys ever been to Costco Business Center? No. Tell us about it. Costco Business Center. I've never been. This, so this is in the one in, uh, Los Angeles is in the, I believe the city of commerce. Okay. And, uh, that makes sense. This is exactly.

Yeah. From business and commerce. Why they're not antonyms. That would be a synonym. Mm-hmm. You got it. AP English over here. My mother was an English teacher.

Ah. Oh, that. So you really know your synectiki from your metanomy? I have certainly do. Okay. so at the Costco Business Center it's like it's like a Costco for like theoretically Costco is always a wholesale to the public situation right but the Costco Business Center is actually four stores so if you go into like there is like a football field sized room that is a walk-in cooler where you can just buy a lamb A whole lamb. Like a lamb fucking hanging from a rope.

Wow. You can buy, it is incredible. The only experience I love, one of my greatest joys in life is to go into someone else's secret world and feel like I'm getting over. Yeah, sure. Like Mitch and I were talking about Maximum Fun, the podcast company of which I'm a worker owner, just moved to downtown Los Angeles. And, like, the thing I love about downtown Los Angeles is, like, you'll be walking down a block and you'll be like, oh, I'm in the bong district, right? This is all wholesale bong sales to bong retailers. Like, by our office, there is a store that sells things to make hats from.

But for professional hat makers, not like a hobbyist, not like a beautiful boutique store, but just like a store where they're like, oh, fuck, I got to make 45 hats today. I gotta go get a shit ton of ribbon, right? You work at a haberdashery, you got to go to this is your source for material. That's incorrect if you work at a millinery. A millionaire as opposed to a haberdashry. Yeah, haberdashery is generally sells men's clothes. Wow.

I've changed my mind. I've changed my mind. You're both particular. Anyway, what's the word, millinery? Yeah. Oh, what a good word. Oh, Jesus Christ. Millinery.

Have you ever seen Emma in the Bong district? Don't docks, man. So the Costco Business Center is that. Like one time for my wedding, we had like a candy table. Fun. And I got to go to like the wholesale candy store where you like get a pallet and you buy candy by the case. Because I was like, I want to buy a bunch of fucking like bubble gum cigarettes. I'm like all this shit, right?

It's that feeling. Like you feel like you're in, you know someone's secrets, right? Like feel that way if I go to like the like the restaurant supply store, I feel that way. Like, I would love to go to, like, a, like, a boat person store. Not like a hobbyist store, like, for real sea captains. Right. Like, that is the thrill of the Costco business. You're going to set out on a transatlantic voyage.

What supplies do you need? And where do you go? They got so many kinds of shelter at the Costco Business Center. Holy shit. You said it so, did you say it's four store? It's four stores and restaurants. It's four stores. It's four stores.

No, it's four stores. F-O-R. Stores and restaurants, other businesses shop there. Yeah. For their own stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Four stores and seven carts ago.

Just gargantuan first aid kits. They got those. Abraham Costco. I just wanted to finish that off. So at the end of that, you said, would you say there at the end of that? Abraham Costco, four stores and seven carts ago. Okay. Yeah, you really finished that off.

Probably got his top hat and a millinery. Millinery. My point is that I have a chest freezer and sometimes there's chicken bakes in there. Wow. Wow. Is that where you got the chest freezer

from that store? No. Oh. I will get a chicken bake on occasion. Sorry. I can't say I love the chicken. I like the chicken bake is a thing I'm passionate about.

I do like that there are people who really love it. I like that it exists. I like that it's like a gigantic hot pocket. I like that it's like a Chipotle burrito-sized tromboli. I think I like that it's just a weird thing that only exists at Costco. It's very weird. It's very specific.

It's like like a calzone or turkey and provolone sandwich, a hot dog, a slice of pizza. You can wrap your head around these things. These things exist outside of the context of Costco. A chicken bake is fucking unimaginable. It's bespoke. I like that it exists. I don't know if I love the taste of it. Yeah, I mean, it's not my favorite, but sometimes I'm craving it.

You believe in it in principle. I do, I very much believe it. You think in a just world. Look, if they said the chicken bake is going away, I'd be sad. I'd shed a tear. I'd shed a tear.

Yeah, just one. Like that commercial from the 70s with the Native American and the trash in the river. That commercial was on a lot. I think for people who did not. Heavy rotation, yeah. I don't think people who did not grow up in that time,

it was very much a thing that you saw all the time. I feel like it's the kind of thing that I only know about because people like Hodgman or maybe Blaine Capatch are constantly talking you are you were late to you were late to have in a TV that you were saying yeah it was it was it was heavy rotation color we had black we had a black and white TV oh okay yeah we got it from my dad's friend Raleigh when he died that's I like that well I don't like talking about a ghost of yeah Jesus Christ how was your hot dog you know what I have a theory that I'm I'm glad that you brought this up because I have a theory I want to run by you

do you think that the narrowest band of quality of any acceptable food is the hot dog interesting so like I'll give you an example so I'll give you a parallel

this is why this is why you host Polzai because this is the good this is the good stuff hot dog first of all I think Nick's doing a great job posting this show oh thank you and you've added a lot of color You need the silly guy You need the silly guy

You have the silly guy You are a bit of a goose I think you got you need the goose Yeah I'm hearing I'm hearing some I'm hearing some quacking over here That's not the sound of goose You need the goose Wherever you're a gander

It's a goose I'm a gander It's good for you It's good for me baby That's what I'm talking about There you go That's a secret of podcasting Two different kinds of particular guys

So I'm tall Jordan's medium. That's true. It is true. It would be helpful if I was like a short king, if I was like a littleer guy. You're a big guy. I mean, people don't really think about, they see me and they think that I mean, I am big. But they don't really. Or what if Mitch was like a big tall bluto type guy? Yeah, if Mitch was like.

I'm moderately tall. But I'm talking about like, what if Mitch was six, six. Yeah, like I'm six one, you're six. three, it would be better if I was like 5, 9 and you were like 6, 7. It is crazy that as I get older, you're like tall. I've always gotten that. I'm 6.3. 6.3 just ain't cutting it anymore.

Oh, no, yeah. You know what happened? What the fuck happened? Well, first of all, 6.7? What people say? People do say 6.7. 6.7. They're so old and just... 6.7.

I went to the doctor yesterday. I thought it was 6.3. She said I'm 6.4. I said, thank you very much. I'll take it. Wow, okay. You got upgrade it. Write it down the notes app.

I'd say you got an inch on me, I would say, in height. Yeah. Okay. We both have small penis. I think that's what we share in common between Jordan Jesse Go and the doughboys is both of us have one large penis and one small penis. That's also, that's the other podcast thing, too. So anyway, pizza. is a better food than hot dogs.

Pizza's the greatest food. I agree with that, but I do like hot dogs quite a bit. So like, but, but like pizza is a miracle food. Everyone on earth who loves pizza, even vegans love pizza. You know what I mean? Sure. Pizza is an extraordinary achievement in food. It stands alongside the cheeseburger as the greatest foods of all time as far as I'm concerned.

Now you're talking my language here. I like this. Okay. However, if you brought me like some Little Caesar's pizza, I might just not eat any because it's no good Pizza pizza I do like Will Sears

but I ate a I ate an amazing Detroit style pizza in Santa Cruz California the other day and that pizza 10 10 food experience right Little Caesar's pizza

three that's a huge range for me right? I would say more I would put pizza hot three look I get your point though where I'm not trying to We're not trying to get, you know, specific here. If I go to, what's the greatest hot dog restaurant you've ever gone to here on the Do Boys? It's got to be pinks.

Derviner Schnitzel. On the podcast, dog house. The answer is doghouse. The answer is doghouse. So I'm going to say, for me, I haven't had doghouse. But for me, the greatest hot dog I've ever had is probably about a seven. And the worst hot dog I've ever had is about a five and a half. Wow.

Like, if I'm at a baseball game, I don't. I can get a hot dog because I know that no matter how terrible the hot dog is, it'll be all right. You're saying hot dogs are basically six, seven. That's what the kids say. That's a bop. That's what children say. That's a bop, Nick. Oh, God, we're hurtling towards our deaths.

Here's the thing. In my mid-40s. Dog. That's grim. Forty-four years old. I just turned 43. Dog House has a lot of sausages

There's a lot of good food there So I'm just talking about hot dogs I have had some tremendous hot dogs in my life I've had some 10 out of 10 hot dogs Yeah I love hot dogs You get a really fucking good hot dog To me that's like this is like a perfect bite I don't think I've ever had a great hot dog

And that's not an insult to hot dogs Which I definitely like I've also had some excorable hot dogs You get like a really low quality Like Frank and it's maybe like it's, you know, microwaved or something, you know, or it's, it's, it's, like, that can be a really disappointing experience. By the way, I just want to take a moment to join my friend, Mike Mitchell here.

Yeah. In, uh, looking askance at Nick Weiger, I knew that you were going to use some word like Frank. That's such a, what a, what a, what a wigerism to be like, oh, yes, the Coney was. Yes. Yeah. No, it's annoying shit like this. He always pulls. He's a guy who loves a synonym.

He is a man who loves a Senate. I've got to drop a Frank. Yeah. That's interesting. But I do get your point. They're like, like, okay, like I'm getting a bad hot dog from like a bad movie hot dog, a bad hot dog from like a 7-Eleven or something like that, still pretty good. Yeah.

And like, if you take a sandwich or a soup or there's so many of the cheeseburger, I mean, I've had some god-awful cheeseburger. I've had some bad burgers, yeah. Oh, yeah. You ever have a vending machine cheeseburger? That's grim. Oh, wow. No.

I've got to, I've got a, I've got a, I've gotten a microwaveable burger from a vending machine before. I was fucking, you know what? No, I've had really bad.

I got a few times. I've had really, I was hungry. I've had putrid turkey burgers many times. Oh yeah, you can have a real, real bad turkey burgers. That's because turkey burgers are bad overall.

I know, but for, there was, I used to get a really good turkey burger and it was at a place that also served, that served like the, it was clearly like this pat, this turkey patty has been in their fridge freezer for too long.

People are doing good things with black bean burgers, but we're getting pretty far afield. What we were talking about here is the hot dog is in narrow range. And so if I'm at the Costco, there's a couple advantages of the hot dog. Number one, of course, it's going to be the price. Yeah. Are you told people about the price?

It's $1.50, including a soda. And not a penny more. It's so affordable that I feel like I'm getting over, even though I don't drink the soda because I can't have caffeine migraine trigger. Right. And it's not worth eating a seven-up. Yeah, squirt, seven-up, whatever, yeah, whatever.

Squirt's okay. Sprite now, I guess, is what they have. They've switched over to Coca-Cola products. I love Coke, but I can't have it. Yeah, I had a Coke zero today. Okay. But if you give me a hot dog, I like to put relish and mustard on it. Yeah.

I feel like I've eaten something great. It's actually, shockingly, not that excessive of an amount of calories. a pretty reasonable amount of calories. I feel like I have the energy I need to take on that big fucking warehouse. Yeah. I think we were saying that the Costco hot dog might be the healthiest thing on the menu for you.

It's less, calorically, it's less than the salad. I'm pretty sure. Especially if you put relish on there for vegetables. I agree. There's not a lot that everything on there is the sandwich and the sandwich and the Caesar salad, I think, were like 860 calories.

Something up there. They were up there. They might have been more. They might have crested 1,000. I will just say, like, my hot dog was tremendous. And, you know, we carried, we took it over, like, over from the food court. So it was about 15 minutes from when we got it to when I ate it, probably a little bit longer. And still delicious.

I ate it dry. Still fucking loved it. Just an absolutely delightful dog. I ate mine dry bone style, too. Yeah. And I don't know when the last. time I had a plain hot dog was, but I still enjoyed it. Yeah, I loved it. Cheese pizza was very good. Good bun on that dog, too. Yes, cheese pizza was good.

The strawberry lemonade, I like. It's a nice treat. I like, I used to like the, I think I maybe like the berry smoothie more, but I like that the strawberry lemonade exists. I like I think it's refreshing. And the caramel brownie sunday, which we got, I don't know, I don't know if I need this thing. There's a little strange taste going on in there. I don't know what it is. It might be a little unga-pachka. I thought it was super chocolate. It's very Very chocolatey, yeah. I only took, like, one bite because I can't eat a bunch of chocolate. I honestly liked it, but I'll tell you what, just give me some fucking vanilla soft serve.

I'm happy. I think that would have enjoyed that more. They'll just give you some vanilla softs. All you got to do is order one, and they'll sell it to you for $2 or something. This one, I think, just had, like, maybe a little too much going on. Order ice cream and pay for it, and they'll serve it to you. I mean, the ice window is not a bad idea. Life hack.

I also just didn't get much caramel from this. Yeah, there's not. It's just so chocolatey. And also, by the way, we got two cups we did not use. I was the only one who got a soda up from the hot dog deal. We brought your cup back if you want it. Oh, thank you. If you want your cup, you can take it.

Yeah, thank you. I, uh, overall wags here, I'm going to, I'm going to expand it a little bit. Yeah. Hot dog pizza, double chunk chocolate cook. Those three are very well done there. The double chunk chocolate cookie is a fucking triumph. It is so good. I was a little too well done today, I thought.

Oh, man, mine was so fucking good. I gotta say, I heard you guys Franklin glazing this cookie. Oh, yeah. Speaking of Ungapacha, glazed cookie, glazed chocolate chip cookie is a little too much. A little too much. Even if the glaze is just human semen.

It's true. And it would be. We're playing Okie Cookie. Yeah, we're playing Okie Cookie. In fact, that's our segment. I spoiled it. I have to say, I love, I love a chocolate chip cooking. I fucking love...

My ex-a-prol. It's going to be a long session. We're still there tomorrow when Kanover shows up. Oh, hey, what are you guys up to? Actually, the Okie-Cookie actually first happened in that ancient Greece. What the fuck up? How do you think Kahnover gets his hair like that? Oh, boy.

My high school classmate Cameron Diaz could probably illuminate that. I like the guy. Something about right. So, yeah, lovely man. I love, I love chocolate chip cookies. I love chocolate chip cookies. They're like the only thing I love as much as ice cream. Yeah.

And I thought it's good, but I did not think it was an unequivocal triumph like you guys did. Wow. Okay. Fair enough. They're very thick. There's a lot going on. there. They're very decadent. It's a lot. It's a lot. Emma, we got you. We asked if you had any specific request, you did not, but we did bring

you a double chunk chocolate cookie. I know you've had it before, but what did you think of that that boy? You had a slice, right? Yeah, I had a slice pizza. No, I love that cookie. It is, like, one of those things where I get frustrated where, like, an entire cookie is, like, your entire daily caloric and pig. So I have to, like, try to stop myself halfway through. And, like, to be clear, literally. Yes. That's not hyper, that's not hyperbole as, as Mitch is mom would say. That is literally like 2,000 calories or something. The entire day

in one cookie. And I'll split it up. I'll eat the other half when I get home later. So I'll still eat the whole thing in one day. But I'll feel better because I split it up. I could have eaten. I could have taken this whole thing to the dome. I saved the other half, which I have right here, which is, you know, I want to eat right now, but I'm not going to. Mine looks much like

the titular American pie. From the movie American from the movie American pie. If you remember the poster, My cookie looked a lot like the American pie And that the whole was just Was eaten out of the cookie basically Got it That's what I that's what that's what that's

You ate the middle I ate the middle of the cook This guy loves a titular movie I did I The titular characterized So I guess it's not really the Yes I mean is the pie

I mean it's American pie Is the pie a charactered American pie I would argue it is I would say yes I would say yes I would say this The main character in American Pie is the city of New York itself. Wow. Okay. I like that. There you go. I like that a lot.

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Terms and conditions apply. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Mitch shorter days don't have to be so dismal. It's time to reach out and check in with those you care about and remind yourselves that we're not alone. As seasons change and days grow darker sooner, it can be a tough time for many. This November, BetterHelp is encouraging everyone to reach out, check in on friends, reconnect with loved ones, and remind the people in your life that you're there. You know, Mitch, I have some old friends from my school days that I haven't connected with in a while, and I think it's maybe time to say like, hey, buddy, how's it going? It's all Wig's. Remember, we used to be famous chums.

Maybe it's time for us to go for lunch and just kind of have a conversation we haven't had in some time. Archie Jughead? It's me, Wiggs. The whole gang. Wags, I think that's always a good idea. Giving a ring to an old buddy saying hello, catching up with them, making sure everything's all right. You know, Wags, I always feel better when I talk to someone, especially a therapist.

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1.7 million client reviews. This month, don't wait to reach out, whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash doughboys. That's better, H-E-L-P.com slash doughboys. Do it. we should get to our final thoughts on Costco so just you've over two hours you've done the podcast before i was going to go see bugoni at 9 p.m. and now i'm worried about making it there yeah we uh we we got

going late it's all right uh Jesse here's how this will work we'll each go around we'll give our closing argument if you will and give it a score from zero to five forks you are our guest as a Costco fan as an advocate as someone who requests to review this chain your thoughts your fork score. Obviously, my passion for Costco is driven by much more than just the food court. Yes. But I'm going to conscribe my judgment to the foods that we consumed today. And of course, the experiences that we've all had in that Costco food court. I think some of the food we ate sucked ass. It's food that I had not eaten before because I anticipated, that looks like it'll probably suck ass. For sure. Like that sandwich. Who needs to eat the fucking Costco's

sandwich. Bad sandwich should not be on the menu. The classics hit hard. Yeah. The soft serve is great. A hot dog is great and it costs a dollar and 50 cents. And I still love that chicken bake. Because the sandwich is garbage, because they somehow fit that many calories into a Caesar salad, uh, for all these reasons, I'm hesitant to give it five forks. Yeah. But I will come comfortably give it four for forks. Wow, very good score. And if you add in a rotisserie chicken, it would be five all day long. You can get a rotissory chicken from inside the store if you deigned to please. We're talking about the Costco food court.

The Costco food court is what we're reviewing. And Nick, Dane to please I do. I went to, like, here's the thing. I want to Costco this past week again. I'm going to add it to like bag salad mixes and then I'll make stock from the carcass. Why not? I love it. I will oftentimes pick up a rotisserie chicken from Costco.

People are just like fucking, like, especially if they're waiting for fresh ones that come out, they will just like sort of like, you know, like hover there. Yeah. Have you ever wondered what it's like to get body checked by an elderly woman? Go for the good looking chicken at the Costco. Yeah. I'm not picky. I'll take any of them.

They'll look at the job. I'm not that particular. Anyway, I, I, I, I, is this an elderly woman or? Hockey legend Ty Domey. Known for his belligerence. Good pull. I was at... My brain stopped for a few months.

I was at Costco this past weekend. I mean, I'm a regular Costco. I went to the, yeah, I got to go there early because it's part of the executive membership. You get to get to shop there in the early hours. Yeah, it's pretty nice. How many you get stairs in your house, too? Come on. So, but, you know, like, I'm, I'm a fan of the store, and I'm a fan of it.

wears, and I'm certainly a fan of its food court. I'm not flying under any false flags. I'm wearing a Kirkland signature sweatshirt. It's clear where my allegiances lie. I think that the bad stuff at Costco's food court does not need to exist and should be excised for the menu. They're always experimenting. They're always trying new things. And I think there's a reason these things never quite stick. I think there's a reason they're always swapping in new sandwiches. It's because they probably just shouldn't be doing a sandwich. The, you know, the sweet treats are hit and miss, but I think that probably just depends on your individual cravings. And I'm more likely to want a, like a fruity treat these days, which is why I'll opt for

like the strawberry lemonade or the, the berry smoothie of your, but I think their sweet treats are done well. And I do think the double chunk chocolate cookies are so fucking good. And I think that's something that everyone can enjoy. And I think that's just such a huge addition to the menu that that in and of itself elevates it at least a half or maybe a full fork. But it doesn't even need it because on the strength of the pizza, on the strength of the of the hot dog, on the strength of that value that you get with a soda, the fact that you can get, you can spend, you know, $5 and get yourself a very filling, satisfying lunch. That is also delicious.

That is an absolute treat. I am going no lower than Five Forks for Costco. Wow. Incredible score. Yeah. Mitch, what do you think? Five Forkswags, look. There's some bad stuff on that.

menu. There's some bad stuff on the menu. The Rizzler's here to stay. AJ and Big Justice, they're here to stay. They're here to stay. Yeah, these are going to be mainstays

of American culture for decades. Will they be more famous than Betty White and someday, possibly? It's possible. Look, they've been here since March of 2024. They're going to stick around. Now, I hope that for

Big Justice and Rizzler, specifically, I hope that for both of those, they're more of a Jalil A Jaliel White trajectory than the dust and diamond You always want the best for kids that are in the spotlight And you also

You want as few stabbings as possible That's also very true And porno is where he pretended to be in the porno There was a lot of darkness That bummed me out That he's not actually in the porno You were very sad that it was

Because I thought he had a bit I found out later I thought he was like Oh this guy I think I broke this news And you cried for like a day I think you told me about it It was really bummed out

There's nothing There's been nothing more Nick has experienced nothing so dark as the moment he found out there really were no second acts in American. Look, when I make the Poon Man, I'm definitely going to have a hog stand in for myself, too. But I pray for the best for them. I am slightly afraid that A.J. will kill someone someday.

I don't know what the deal is with, we were talking about this on the way over here. AJ kind of worries me. Who knows what's going on with that guy? Yes. He's certainly very enthusiastic and certainly very driven. That is true. Costco is, look, I've said it before, I'll say it again. Costco is good.

The Costco travel is good. The store as a single guy, I'm not in there as much. There are some things that are bargains. There are some things that very much are not bargains. But if you buy the bargain stuff, it's worth having the membership. I don't know if it's worth it for me to have that. the membership, but I do on the doughboys credit card. And so here's...

Wait, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My membership paid through the doughboys credit card. Really? Can you guys pay for my membership? I'm sorry, you guys could probably share a membership. Yeah, I'm going to go in there together. So you live in the same address.

When we got it, when I had to go to Costco, you said put it on the doughboys credit card. I don't care. I mean, I don't actually care. I just like, it was news to me. But I did. Yeah. There's certain things that Nick's a little particular about. Told you.

Um, so as far as the food court goes, do the bad items detract the Costco food court from being in the Golden Play Club? That's the big question. I like the strawberry lemonade. I like that. And I've had the, I've had the berry smoothie and I like that as well. The soft serve is good. Even though that Sunday we got wasn't great, the hot dog is great. And I am, I like, I like a, you know, a pork or a mix, uh, dog over more so than a beef.

But this is a great hot dog no matter what. And it's their own hot dog. It's their own hot dog. It's their own. It's really, really, really good. It's a really, really good hot dog. The pizzas for, you know, for just a random, it's, look, it's not my favorite pizza, but it is, if I want a big, thick slice of pizza, it's great.

Double-tunk chocolate cookie, great. Daddy likes it thick. What's that? Daddy likes it thick. Daddy likes it thick. Daddy likes it thick. Daddy likes it thick. The daddies do like it think.

We saw a bunch of dads picking up pizzas for their fans. It's true. And I think that the hot dog deal is. is one of the best deals in in in all of fast food yeah um there's some that turkey sandwich but i actually liked the turkey sandwich maybe more than the calzone i maybe the calzone whatever some of the new stuff just isn't working but nick i will not let that sink it out of the golden plate club wow i'm going to go four forks four forks wow it sticks in the golden play or maybe makes it to the golden plate no it was in the platinum cart club it's been demoted to the golden plate club

but still a great place for Costco to resolve. These are two different clubs. They're two different clubs. Come on. One's on the third baseline. One's on the first baseline. Great point. And the Platinum Cart Club, you know, it's a very, I don't know if anyone will ever join the Platinum Cart Club again.

Costco may be in there by themselves. It's a possibility. It's a possibility. Yeah. All right. Hey, that was our review of Costco. It's time for a segment. I got a food stuff.

We're going to decide if you should put it in your mouth. It's snack or whack. And we have Doritos Collisions, Netflix, Stranger Things, Stranger Pizza, and Cool. and cool rants. That's right. Two different flavors in one bag. Grab your favorite Doritos

and dial in in 1987 for one last strange adventure. And there's a number on here. Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. In the show, Stranger Things. Yes. Is it a pizza show?

Is it a pizza show? I have no, I watched the first season of Stranger Things. I didn't really like it and I never watched it again. What did you got in there? Some spooky monsters? They're the upside down. Ooh, I could get a whiff of those

once you open the bag. There's upside down, I believe. I think he's over to Jesse, feel free to dig in if you like. The pizza thing, maybe just, like, because they're kids. I might just be the good kids. I might be it. I like the old cool ranch on the bag there. They got the old cool ranch design. The look is great, and the old Doritos logo, the vintage Doritos logo is great, too.

The yellow and orange squares. Jesse's getting a big whip. He's doing a Doritos bane right now. Is pizza, like, you know, people will dip their pizza and ranch. Maybe this is, like, pizza and ranch together. Oh, that makes sense. Like, is that a thing in the show? I have no idea.

I only watch the first season, too. I like Cool Ranch Doritos a lot. Pizza-flavored chips I don't usually like. Is pizza flavor a good flavor? Yes, when it's pizza, but when it's other things, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about pizza flavor in the abstract. I also, this is kind of just pissing me off conceptually that we have one new flavor and one classic flavor coexisting.

Yeah. It's like, why not two new flavors? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or why isn't the novelty, hey, it's nacho cheese and cool ranch. spicy cool rants how about that doritos a lot of people are asked a lot of people have been asking is this a combination of half cool ranch chips and half pizza chips like it looks like on the bag right i think it's all cool ranch pizza chips wow so they're all combo chips i was wondering the same thing so i was like on the bag it looks like some chips are cool ranch and some are pizza but i guess

either way it all ends up they might have rubbed in together too much right it might have been and let some powder transfers. Sometimes when they rub in together, same becomes. Yeah, when you rub in together, same becomes, such as the way. I think you're wrong. You think they're different? I think that there is pizza going on the cool ranches and you're picking it up. But I think they are two different chips, and I think the pizza chip is bad.

Wow. And I think the crew ranch chip is good. Can you tell visually the difference between the two or do they look the same? You can tell the difference. Oh, okay. Wow. I'm going to show you right now. I'm just holding up two chips

That's too tiny I shouldn't put it back Which has one chip You put one chip back You can see here Look at There's a different form factors Look at different form factors

But look at the colors Between the two Yeah ones are orange Orange versus yellow My chip got stolen Here we go Now that's a pizza chip That's a pizza chip

That's a blue one No no no no No give me a fucking chip this is a cool ranch It's a ranch It's pretty orange Yeah I'm smelling

Cool ranch right now That's what I'm smelling That's what the This is a cool ranch This is a cool rancher It's a cool ranch Uncle Mitch never feeds you chips I don't know

Why is I'm gonna hand you these chips I just don't want to end on a pizza chip So hold on Okay Get you a man that loves you, like Mitch loves picking out chips for Justin. All right, I'm going to dig in here. This looks like a pizza one.

That's a pizza chip. A lot of fake tomato, sciencey tomato, like, pretty heavy, like, oregano. Yeah, no good. I'm not sure if I care for it. I really am only smelling the ranch, thank God. The pizza chips, I don't, I say, like, like the show Stranger Things, huge whack for me. that seems perverted. Their children.

I don't like the show. I don't like the chips. And also you famously remarked Finn Wolfhard doesn't get me hard. I did say that. You're on the record saying that. Got that down on the notes out. I agree with you completely.

Cool, ranch, snack, stranger pizza, whack. I can't, I'm still not convinced that there's two different flavors. There absolutely are two distinct flavors. I totally get it. But the bad flavor is rubbing off. on the good flavor that's the other issue okay i'm i have some feelings about this please i think the cool ranch doritos might be the greatest american flavored snack thank god i was so nervous

what you were going to say because like avatar thing really tossed no there were a few classics that i really ride i didn't really grow up in like a branded packaged food household right much but I'll ride for cheese it's all day I'll ride for Oreo cookies all day and I'll ride for Cool Ranch Doritos all day

That's what I'm talking about And Mitch is supposed to know for a high five Don't leave Ming That's what I'm talking about Bro That's cool as hell

Hey What did I do? I'm just chilling You should have said You like cool hands Right I do like cool ranch I like nacho cheese more

But I like cool ranch Uh You're flipping me off too I'm with wags I like nach cheese more There we go Don't flip off, Emma. I'm just going to flip your back.

I know. That's scary. That's what you get. I think cool ranch Doritos are the greatest chip. And I don't think things should be pizza flavored that aren't just a pizza. I will say ranch dressing is a great way to make bad pizza kind of good. Absolutely a great take. You know what ranch chips is not making pizza chip.

Like if you, if I was somewhere where there was. was Little Caesar's pizza and there was ranch dipping sauce. I'd fucking dip that shit in it. Dunkin on a little Caesar. You're really going on Little Caesars. I mean, just an example of a shitty pizza. What was the one you don't like Pizza Hut? That sucks too.

There's a little other tiny mussely guy who's going to get mad here. It's the Little Caesar guy. The pizza pizza guy is going to get mad at me. Yeah. Well, to be clear, the other tiny muscle guy is sucking my dick. He's not mad at me. He's loving it. That guy is bringing me to.

completion. Hi, Jesse Thorne from National Public Radio. I have to say... Actually, Jesse Thorne's come actually like it helped with my COVID symptoms. That's Rogan. We'll cut all this. He made me scared that we're going to get in trouble with Rogan. Oh, I don't care.

I don't know why... I don't really remember why I voted for Jesse Thorne's come. It seems like some of this stuff he's doing is pretty fucked up. Um, I would say that while the pizza chips aren't any good, I, and while I would prefer to just eat Cool Ranch Doritos, overall, if there was a bowl of this at a party, I'd eat it. So I'm going to say snack. Wow. I'm going to give a whack to the combination. I just don't like the pizza and ones enough.

I mean, I love Cool Ranch Doritos, but it's big time whack. I'd rather just have a bag of Cool Ranch. Emma, you agree? Yeah, I'd rather just have a cool ranch. I don't see a bag of Cool Ranch here. I know. Fuck those chips. Sorry, maybe I missed it.

Maybe I looked past it, but I don't see a bag of cool ranch here. It does not exist. We can't not manifest it. The choice is not, do I want to eat Cool Ranch Doritos or this? There's only one bag of chips here. The question is, is this snack or whack? I think I would give this a whack because I would just opt not to have it because I, you know, like the, the, it's, every other, every other chip is going to be a bad chip. All right.

It's pretty crunchy. It does have a good crunch. They always have a good crunch. Good texture. Fuck those chips. Fuck those chips. Fuck that show. Fuck Netflix. Fuck them all.

Hey, just like that was snack or whack. Just like a restaurant, you know, you don't want to work for anymore? Today's email is from Jess, much like Jesse. Jess writes. It's sort of like Jesse, but a little shorter. Yeah, just a little shorter. Just drop the E. It's cleaner.

Hey, dough boys and dough girls, is there food you would only eat when it's home cooking? For example, I would never order biscuits and gravy at a restaurant and really only trust people in my family to make it properly. Do you have a dish you only trust to a home cook? Thanks for all the laughs. Is my answer. No. Scallops.

Oh, no. I only like my dad's scallops. I like that. Yeah. Now, why is that? I don't know. I think I didn't like them for a long time. And the only time I've had them and I enjoyed them as like a meal or my dad's.

And every time I've tried to get them out, I'm disappointed. So I'm like, you know what? I just only eat these at home. Yeah, I think that's totally. I mean, I think it's very often. It's like me and my grandma Joe's pumpkin pie. It's like you have nostalgia for the specific preparation that no one else can recreate. And I think that's maybe what's going on with Jess's biscuits and gravy,

but also maybe just from a region or family is from a region where this was something they grew up with and something they wanted to make. I would not know where to begin making homemade biscuits and gravy. I do love biscuits and gravy. That's something I will go get at a diner, or at least I would get when I was regularly eating pork. And it's a, it's a big indulgent meal. When you're in the Southeast and you just go get some biscuits and gravy at any old fucking place, it's so good. Yeah. You go to some shitty $4 biscuits and gravy and it's going to be good.

It's going to be delightful, yeah. in jordan yeah i've heard about your grandma joe and i've heard uh your grandma joe would you hear would you hear about it i heard his grandma joe so small that she uh that she surfs in a bathtub you take it back you piece of shit grandma's not that small fuck you don't get divorced don't get divorced i'll tell you what this is a little sideways from what from this question yeah answer to this, it's not that I wouldn't eat it in a restaurant, but the thing that I would always choose to eat at home is a beautiful rib-eye steak. Oh, okay. That's fun. The reason for that is that I go to a restaurant and I order a beautiful ribby steak. It is wonderful. Yes.

But they charge me $100. It's so fucking expensive. They charge you so much fucking money. I can go to the Costco, buy myself a rib-ri-eye steak. I shove my... probe thermometer in there, put it in my oven, give it a Kenji Lopez alt-reverse sear, slap it into my cast iron, brown the shit out of it. Maybe I baste it with some butter. Maybe I make a simple pan sauce. Maybe it's a, this is a prime ribby. You can just eat it straight.

Yeah. Got a little salt and pepper on it. There's all you need, really. And I've spent $20 instead of $100. No, a cast iron skillet, like ribeye steak or any sort of steak, cast iron skillet steak, it's like one of the lowest bar. in terms of kitchen competence for, like quality you can receive. Like, it's pretty easy to get something that, you know, get a good sear on it and finish

it to the right temperature and oven, provided you have a meat thermometer. I totally agree. This is the thing we actually talked about in Jordan Jesse Go in the past. And you've been an advocate of the reverse sear, which Natalie does as well. I sometimes am just lazy enough where I'll just do the, I'll just sear it first and then finish it in the oven just because it's like a little bit less, it's just a little bit less time intensive. But you'll get good quality for the reverse sear.

a lot of people who are listening to this might not know. Yeah. I also have a beautiful wife. Wow. How about that? She passed the bar. Very accomplished. That's very cool.

Yeah. I have two beautiful cats. And I would like to say that, first of all, I heard another thing about your grandma, Joe. Would you hear? You're walking up against a line here, Mitch. Your, your, your, wags, your grandma Joe is so small, she hang glides on Doritos. Fuck you. Fuck you.

No, get back. Get back. Can I just? Yeah. Oh, hey. Wow, Jesse just Degeneration X chopped Mitch. Fuck. Doesn't feel good.

No. I take it back to Joe Rogan. I'm sorry. My answer. My mom's baked headache is my answer. I got to leave. I have to leave soon. Your mom's baked hattock.

My mom's baked headache. I've had it. That sounds. like the food that I know that you guys have a very successful comic book, but if you had a 1920s newspaper comic strip, that's what

Mike's mom would cook for him. A baked attic. My mom's baked hatick, which is a, it's a fantastic. Maybe Mitch would wear like a giant yellow hat or something. My answer is also a dish that I have

that was prepared in the home that I have nostalgia for specifically. That is my dad's beef stroganoff. I would never really want to order a stroganoff in a restaurant. I've seen no reason why I would do that. Like, like, like, like, and that's maybe a dish I would make in my own.

Jimmy's answers is my, my jeans. Jimmy, Jimmy is licking the drido dust off of Mitch's knee. That's all, that's, that's not today's druderdot dust, by the way. But I, but again, that's a sort of thing. It's like, it's, good girl. That's specific enough where I'd have no reason to, if I saw this in a restaurant menu, I also know that would not like be like the, as, as satisfying as nourishing, is my memory of my dad's reparation.

So there's no reason to get that out. But it's a good question. Or it could be something that my dad would cook since he's dead. Hmm. My dad's dead as well. Yeah. Our dads are dead.

And we have beautiful wives, so I got a lot in common with both of you. If you have a question or comment about the world at chain rest, John, so you get emails at Feedbag atBirdFuck.com. We leave us a voicemail to 830-4-6-6-84. for our producers emma erdbrink our associate producer amelia marino our radio editor mike dorfman doughboys apparel and merchandise at kinshipgoids.com slash doboys and the do boys doboiler weekly

bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog you can find over at patreon.com slash doboys jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart thank you so much for joining us what an absolute treat it's a joy and an honor to be back i consider myself to be the doboys number one fan i consider myself to be in many ways the voice of the fan on the dough boys wow it's a thrill to be here with you two my good friends and two of my comedy heroes oh my god what a thing to say uh two of my favorite guys around it's a real honor and i'll see you again in 13 years we'll have you back you have my fucking phone number we'll figure it out podcasting hall of fame it's it's an overdue return but we're very very happy to have you back okay and thank you for giving us so much you're the podfather

and congratulations the 25 years what an achievement thank you very much we ain't making that You'll be dead by then And as we wrap up this episode of doughboys I think I'm going to take another bite of this double chunk chocolate chip cookie and Wow to quote Amelia who's not here Madone Bye

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