Doughboys - Culver's with Carl Tart (LIVE)

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

Carl Tart (Comedy Bang! Bang!, Brooklyn Nine-Nine) joins the ‘boys to review beloved Wisconsin burger and shake chain Culver's. Plus, a local Cream City brewdog edition of Drank or Stank. Recorded live at Turner Hall Ballroom in Milwaukee.Sources for this week's intro:The Dairy State from the Wisconsin Cultural Societyhttps://www.wisconsinhistory.org/museum/exhibits/iconwisconsin/dairyland/index.aspBecoming The Dairy State from Wisconsin 101https://wi101.wisc.edu/2013/12/01/becoming-the-dairy-state/The Swiss Roots Of America’s “Dairyland” from Wisconsin 101https://wi101.wisc.edu/2018/10/01/the-swiss-roots-of-americas-dairyland/Is Wisconsin Still 'America's Dairyland' Or Does It Need A New Slogan? From All Things Consideredhttps://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2017/11/01/561427862/is-wisconsin-still-americas-dairyland-or-does-it-need-a-new-sloganWhy do Green Bay Packer Fans Wear Cheese Hats? By Matt Blitz https://www.foodandwine.com/fwx/why-do-green-bay-packer-fans-wear-cheese-hatsCulver’s - Our Storyhttps://www.culvers.com/about-culvers/our-storyWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. The Doughboys are going places, physically! CSLive in Seattle, February 7th, Vancouver, February 22nd, Salt Lake City, March 10th, and Denver, March 11th. For tickets and invo, go to headgum.com slash live, that's headgum.com slash live. America's Dairyland Since 1940, this two-word slogan, designating a U.S. region as the Mecca of Milk, has appeared on license plates in the state of Wisconsin.

But before the Badger state became the Dairy state, it was the Wheat state. From 1840 to 1880, the grain was Wisconsin's top crop. However, declining yields from infestation and disease forced the state's farmers to pivot, and thankfully its population included many Swiss immigrants who knew their way around another. In 1872, a coalition of farmers created the Wisconsin Dairyman's Association, and the state reconfigured its entire agricultural sector to focus on dairy production. The gambit paid off by World War I had become the nation's premier provider of milk, butter,

and of course, cheese. This local pride in Wisconsin's chief agricultural export extends beyond license plates. This largest city, Milwaukee, is known as Cream City, and Green Bay Packer fans cheer on their team wearing cheesehead hats. And it's within this cultural context that, in 1984, two generations of Wisconsinites joined together to open a burger and sweet-teat restaurant, sweet treat restaurant, with their family name. With pre-walled milk byproducts at their disposal, it's no wonder their signature products

included fresh frozen custard and butter burgers. The small chain developed a devout following in the state through the mid-90s, at which point it exploded into neighboring Midwest states like a tightly squeezed teat. And later, open locations in the South and Mountain West. Now with over 700 locations clustered between the coast, the burger stand remains family-owned, and it was much of its sterling culinary reputation to the high-quality milk, butter, and cheese made right here in America's Dairyland. This week on Doughboys, Culver's.

Wow. Thank you guys so much. Welcome to Doughboys. The podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weigar. How you doing Milwaukee? We have quite a show for you tonight, but before we go any further, this week's roast is courtesy of Ethan Corrado.

Let me introduce my co-host, Cream Abdul Jabbar, aka Chew Alcindor, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. See you in a boot. Is that Milwaukee? If you can't have much about the Bucks, they're across the street. Why aren't you there? It's where I want to be. I'd rather be watching that game right now. Carl, you're in full heel mode.

You've got your Celtics jacket that you showed to the audience, and the spoons turned to booze. They certainly did. It always sounds like booze anyway, so... By the end, everyone will be booing. Carl looked up tickets for the Bucks game. They were so cheap. Courtside tickets for a wheel of cheddar cheese.

I like how you guys do things here. Oh, boy. Wigs, we were backstage. We took a shot at Tequila before we came out. That's right. We were finished, and Wigah's... He watched us do it, and he goes, Oh, you're supposed to take the lime afterwards?

What did you think? I know the thing exists. I know it's a thing where you have salt and a lime and a shot of Tequila in some sequence, but I've never done it. I've just heard of it. You think the lime comes before, possibly? Well, you put the lime in the coconut.

I'm not sure that translates exactly. He's never done a salt and a shot of Tequila in lime. He's never done it before. I don't think that's that unusual. No? No. You said, you sadly said, Who am I going to do that with?

It's true. Well, like my dad? I got a big fucking weird towel here. I will say, this is one of the strangest things we've gotten on set, and everyone's been lovely here at this venue, but we have... Mitch and I both have... Does this look like Gizrag?

That's what it looks like. They gave us full-sized towels sitting in front of our mics, like they're anticipating we're going to bust at some point. The audience will bust. I'll probably get shot after this for wearing this stupid jacket. You won't get shot. You'll just get the shit beaten out of you

by a guy who looks like me combined with you. That's very true. He doesn't take his fists out to punch me. I feel bad for him because it is freezing outside. It's very cold. And this is slightly warm for you guys. Is that right? Dear Lord.

14 degrees Fahrenheit right now. I'm certainly not used to it. I got dunked on by a Midwest granny for my gloves. Wow. Might be my favorite city yet, folks. What does she say? Here's how I'll tell you how I am right now. You know how when, like, harm solo,

when harm solo gets dipped in carbonite, that's like what's happened to my... I have shrinkage and that's like what happened to my penis. It will forever be stuck in the same size it is now. What did the granny say about your mittens? I don't have mittens. I just have these texting gloves, which are very...

I guess they're pretty lightweight. And she looked at me, made eye contact with me. She's got her husband, I assume her husband, both older men and women. He's got a buck sweatshirt. She's wearing a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. And she looks at me and just kind of gives me an eye and is like, there are warmer gloves.

Wow. And I was like, I was like, huh, you know, yeah. It's like, hey, I'm from California. You know, just trying to make a light moment out of something. That was your response? I was like, hey, I'm from California. Like, why would I know better?

You know, it's like, look, I'm kind of a doofus. And she just fucking mad dogs me. Gives me nothing. That rules. Yeah, I guess so. She's got fucking scolded. I wanted to say something before we get into things, because this is specific to this city and roasts,

which we're not too far away from. A lot of people, in fact, I would say the plurality of roasts that were sent in for the Milwaukee show were Jeffrey Dahmer themed. Is he like a source of civic pride? Is Dahmer, is he from here? Yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah.

Oh, wow. Do you have anyone else famous from here? Nope, that's it. I don't agree with everything he did, but raised the profile of the city, got us in the news. So bizarre. If I lived here, I'd maybe go Dahmer on people. Here's a question.

Would you eat a person? I think I would. Not like I wouldn't want to kill a person to eat them, but if human flesh was offered to me in a situation where I felt like it was ethically sourced. Some sort of, so Hillary's offering to you at a satanic cult. Yeah, we're in the basement of Comet Ping Pong Pizzeria.

And Hillary has offered you some cooked up human flesh. I just did some spirit cooking. Cool, thanks, Hillary. No, I think of it, it was like a person who, like, they died and they had it as for whatever weird reason. Oh, dead meat? That's disgusting. For whatever weird reason they wanted to be eaten.

Like, they were like, I want to be that to happen. And I knew that. Then I would, I would give it a try. I'd give it a chomp. I'd give it a chase. Oh, yes. If the person is of sane mind and says they want to be eaten, then it makes it all okay.

I don't think I would eat human flesh, no. Yeah, under no circumstance. Is anyone here still? Who out there would eat human flesh? Hashtag man-eater. All right, those are the people who emailed you about Dahmer, I'm guessing. Also, like, 2% of the audience

don't have any people on my side. Anyways, to Milwaukee. It's been a while. And, Emma, let's hit them with a drop. I just want to say that I love animals. I would never hurt an animal. But if an animal is coming after my cat, I'll fucking knock that dog's teeth out.

I'll fucking knock that dog's teeth out. I'll fucking knock that dog's teeth out. I like dogs. I'll fucking knock that dog's teeth out. I'll punch the dog right in the head. I'll punch the dog right in the head. I'm gonna knock that dog's teeth out. I'm gonna knock that dog's teeth out.

I'm gonna knock that dog's teeth out. I'm gonna knock that dog's teeth out. I'll fucking knock that dog's teeth out. I'll fucking knock that dog's teeth out. I'll knock that dog's teeth out. And I won't kill them. But I'm just saying that they're gonna have, it's gonna be hard for them to eat treats without their teeth.

Not the best way to endear yourself to the audience by playing a drop about how you're gonna punch a dog in the head. Well, anyways, that's from Jimmy. Hey, Spoo Man, I think this little track may end up being your ticket onto the Billboard Hot 100, my friend. With a heartful of love, Young Onion, Spoo Nation for Life. He said it's number one cat dad is the title of the email. I miss them, Wags. I miss Wally and Irma.

How long have you been away from your kittens at this point? Like four months. I mean, I saw them just the other day. So briefly. But for four months off and on. And it was, uh, I'm sad about it. I miss them. Do you think they've forgotten you? You son of a bitch!

No, they haven't forgotten me. I came in and they were purring all over me. It was amazing. I will say that Wally is a little, your two cats, Wally and Irma, Wally remains a little skittish around me. You're, yeah, you're a weirdo. But you said he's afraid of men. He's afraid of men. He's a particularly afraid of you. I think because you try to, like, shake his hand like a gentleman when you first met him.

Good day, Wally. How are you? I'm Nick. So what do you do for a living? Uh, wait, hold on. That brings me to this. My mom bought an XL female, uh, Wally and Irma t-shirt. She tried it on once. You freaks. It's going to get people to want this more. But I'm going to give this away. We got a game-worn Mitch's mom shirt.

That's true. Wally and Irma t. Oh, man. I'll give it to the winner who can guess. Hold on a second. I'll tell you right now. The person who can guess correctly, how many points the Celtics are down by right now? 18. Someone said 18. You want this shirt? Do you really?

Yeah, he wants to smell your mom. So I said it's for women. Who would wear this shirt? All right. I saw you first. There you go. Oh, shit. Well, she wanted it too. I'm sorry. It worked out. Everyone, I mean, it went to three different people. That was a fucking huge waste of time. Look, the clock is moving along.

We're just taking a knee for like 90 minutes. That's what the show is at this point. I just want to say that on Nick's computer, highlighted, is Yannis' last name. It's DeCoupo. Oh! You did it. You fucking blew it. You fucking blew it. It's fine. I was going to challenge you

to pronounce Yannis' last name, but you did it well, so it's fucking nothing. It's fine. It wouldn't have paid off anyway. Oh, all right. Good. Yeah. I thought you'd put, like, DeCoupo or something. No, that would have been good, but no, I didn't think of it. Well, let's get our guests out here, huh? Yeah.

The Celtics are getting their asses kicked. It was 18 points. Whoever said that, you were right. Fuck you. Guys, you are in for a treat. We have one of our favorites here from Drug History, County Bang Bang, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Give it up for the great Carl Tards! Come on, Carl Tards!

Mic check. You guys know what song that was? Thank you. I'm pissed off that only two people yell. You guys... That's a Milwaukee rapper. I did that for y'all. I'm pandering. He switched it up and he put it in

for the show for you guys. Yeah. The same guys who were really interested in the serial killer liked the song, too. I think this audience of pasty nerds is going to know a Milwaukee rapper. I truly was hoping. I was like, well, I'm going to have to

think about what I've been doing if they don't know. We mentioned earlier, Yannis of the Box taking on Mitch's Celtics right now. I think you can probably predict Carl's allegiances, but in case it was at all ambiguous...

I forgot mine upstairs. Well, I put... I put on... I am in support of the Milwaukee Box tonight. Because... Fuck the Celtics with a dirty dick. Cream City is a good name for your bedspread. I am wearing a Cream City.

What do you call one of these hats, these skull caps? A beanie? A beanie. I'm wearing a Cream City beanie, which I'm going to swap out because it's getting way too hot, but someone had it for me backstage. I'm definitely going to be wearing mine while I'm here because I don't know if you guys know, but it is fucking cold out here.

It's very cold. You guys are all snow demons. How do you live in this? It's crazy. How do people live here? Alcohol, does someone say? All right. Layers. You know what I like about here is that, uh...

I feel rather small in this city. I'm running around between guys' legs. We were at the restaurant earlier, and someone said, hey, how's it going, slim? An old black lady walked up to Mitch and said, child, you need a sandwich. What a great... I should live here, too.

I like the cold. I don't like to go outside. You got a great built-in excuse. Fucking rules. It looks like it looks day of the dead-esque. When you go out at night, no one's out on the streets. What happens? Like, just no one goes out after a certain time?

I think if you go out after a certain point, you just, like, go to sleep in the snow, and that's the end of your life. Oh, man. It's just so cold. Please, everyone tonight, please get home. I just don't want a Doe Boys fan to fucking drunkenly fall asleep

and freeze to death. And that'd be on our hands. It sucks. If I find his corpse, he's wearing a hot salad shirt. He's like, what the fuck is this? The medical examiner? Note the, uh, the victim, the victim. They like, uh, the family lies,

and they put in his obituary that he died leaving a porno theater. So, here's the thing that I found interesting about cold-weather cities is that sweet treats, like, frozen desserts are very, very popular, and that does tie into this week's chain. But frozen custard

is not something I've had a lot of, and, I mean, I really enjoy it when I've had it, but Carl, Mitch, have you guys had much frozen custard in your lives? Uh, huh. No, I've had a shit ton of ice cream.

Right. I don't know if I've, yeah, I haven't had much frozen custard, or maybe I have under the guise of ice cream. I don't know what's the difference. It's like a little smoother, right? I guess my question is, what the fuck is custard? And then two is, maybe?

Oh, it's eggs. I've had, like, custard pie. That's most of the context I've had custard in my life is not the frozen varietal, but, like, they do the frozen stuff up here. And it's, I don't know, I like it. Me too, Nick. Those are the kind of bold stances

you'll get from the dough boys. It is, do you like having something cold when it's cold outside? Because it's grown on me. At first I was like, why would I want to have that? I want to, like, some soup or something like that. But now I'm like, yeah, I would want, like, a slurpee when I'm fucking freezing.

Would you really? Yeah, I like cold stuff when it's cold outside. I don't know, it kind of matches the temperature. I mean, I guess it's good that it will never freeze, like, it will never melt on you if you take it out into the cold. So that's a plus side to it. I don't know, I feel like it's probably

also enjoyed in the summertime here. Right? And what's the, like, temperature range in this summer? Like, 30 to 40 degrees? I don't like necessarily ice cream when it's hot outside, because then you get that milk after taste. Yeah.

Yes, you give what I'm saying. Yeah, I get what you're saying. You picking up on my vibe. No, yeah, for sure. Yeah, you have, like, a milkshake on a hot day, that's a bad day. So we went to this week's chain, Culver's, which we've...

You guys... You guys really wanted us to go to Culver's. One of our most requested chains up there with Cookout in terms of ones that people are just constantly just, like, like, besieging our mentions and being like, when are you going to cover this? Yes, mad at us, you could say.

Mad at us, like, angry at us. And then we'll finally do it, this will be the episode where we'll do it, and then people will be mad while we cover it. That's inevitable. That's always what happens in your cycle. No, you're bad, we know. What do you want us to do? We told you we're bad. Our Airbnb is so cold.

The heat won't get up past 66 degrees. It doesn't go by 66 degrees. It's so cold. And fucking... I was just going to say, like, I get it. We're just three West Coast liberal cucks up here.

And we don't understand what it's like to be in cold weather. And we want every... What did you say? But that's too damn cold. Yeah. When it's three degrees outside. 66 is too cold. It's way too cold. Somebody come and fix it.

Someone open invitation. Come to our apartment and fix it. Is there, like, an HVAC guy in the audience? This is an industrial city. I know y'all got jobs. 1% are Wagers in a hotel by himself. Here's what happened. I had... Come on!

Liberal Cuck! Liberal Cuck! Liberal Cuck! No, too fast to jump on board with that one. I think some of you were saying it before. Carl Sardar saying it. Boy, Hillary ignores a state for one electoral cycle. This is where we are.

I'm a Liberal Cuck. What's wrong with that? And I vote. Here's what happened. I got a new job, which started this week. Unfortunately, it's just unfortunate timing. So I had to work late last night and I could either have gotten in like early morning,

like I could have taken a red eye, or I could have slept in my own bed and took a 6 a.m. flight, which I did. And then it was more economical for me to get my own hotel room for one night versus you guys getting an Airbnb with four rooms, four beds for two nights. Well, because of that, we can't get it above 66 degrees.

Trying to be a fucking hero. Where are the beers, Weigher? I should have a beer, I say. Oh, yeah, we have beers over here. Wait, what do we got? What do we got there? We got, let's see what gets up up. We got PBR, Pabs Blue Ribbon. Of course, got the Champagne of Beers,

Miller High Life. Wow. And we got MKE MVP. This is a local hazy IPA. I don't know anyone knows that one. All right, you guys, you can decide which beer I drink. Oh, boy, this is...

I guess we already did it. We're not going to make them cheer again. I did the High Life, did the High Life. Wait a second before you crack that open, Mitch. Do you got the time? Uh, it's Miller time. I was very close to not getting that. Sorry, I sit all day and watch commercials from the 70s. Any time I can see, like,

looking Mitch's panicked eyes and see the rainbow mac-o-s wheel just spinning. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What's going on? What's this?

It's a cheat nice wheel-just spinning. She tries to figure out what the right answer is. We also got Ma'al cor's Wisconsin Cheez Curds. 華 tang była It does sound like the cheese hunch God. They are absolutely delicious.

They seem to be discussing in theory but are delicious in practice. What is a curd? I know it's cheese. I know it's fucking cheese. But what makes a curd? How the fuck are you a curd? I don't understand the curd.

So there's curdled like curdled milk. Little Miss Buffett eats curd? Curds? Eating her cuds and whacks. Along came a spy guy. Sop down beside her. And what did it do?

What did the spider do? Smack their own ass. Alright. That's an Andrew Dice clay version. Hey. Did you bring those out for us to eat them now? Yeah, I thought we could just have some on stage. I don't know.

I'll nibble on a curd. Is this like the healthy snack of Wisconsin? No chips. Have some curds. So one of the mascots for this week's chain. There's a few of them. There's Scoopy the Ice Cream Scoop. Huge Pop for Scoopy. There's Fudge the Dog.

Who I don't know how... It seems like Fudge the Dog is kind of nothing. And there's a new addition. Curtis the Curd Nerd. You guys know Curtis? Wait. Curtis the what? The Curd Nerd. Oh, he's a nerd?

He's a sentient curd who's also a poindexter. You know, bringing out nerds gets me angry. Like, ogre. That's absolutely delicious. It's not right. It shouldn't exist. But it's very good. Should we... I mean, is that a thing?

Oh, fuck. I'm trying to... I was going to say we should give that to the audience, but I don't want to pass passing a fucking bag of... loose cheese around. It's the most sanitary proposal. Oh, dude, I just got back from the Doughboy show. I was like, I think about a bag of cheese. What?

Think about a bag of cheese. I'm going to show Eleanor. It sounds like it sucks shit. You didn't go to the box game? No. So the... we went to Culver's. We made a point of going to a location

that was very well Yelp-reviewed. I mean, they all seem to be pretty well-reviewed, Yelp-wise. It seems like they're pretty... the quality is pretty standardized, brand-wide. I mean, I don't know if it's a good idea to go to the box with your guy's experience, but we went to one that had a lot of positive reviews.

We went there for a late lunch. Still very bustly, still very busy. At some point while we were dining, school got out, you notice, Carl. Bunch of high school kids came in. I got really nervous. Mitch got very excited. Wiger's eyes popped out of his head.

You can see his heart beating like a horny wolf in cartoons. Bunch of dollar signs. Yes, a bunch of kids came into Culver's. I didn't like that moment. You're jumping right to the kids? There was so much more that happened. Well, I know we can talk about the other stuff.

We usually talk about peripheral things before we get into the food. They also didn't come until we were pretty much done eating. We were done with the meal, yeah. I'll say this, they were talking... Matt and I overheard them talking about scoopy points. And way back in the day, scoop used to mean kiss back in the day.

What? Did it? In Massachusetts, scooping someone meant kissing someone. What an awful place. Really? It's like, yo, dude, you fucking scooped or like shit like that. You didn't know that? It's fucking vile. That sounds so gross.

Yeah, I don't know. We suck shit. We're awful people. Is that what you want? The Celtics suck. We suck. Yeah! Yeah! We used to call it scuck. We used to call it scooping, and we were like, these are like horny kids

talking about hooking up. And so I put my hat on backwards, walked over and said, tell me more, buddy, I'm from your school. Investigative journalism. That's finest. It turned out to be some weird bullshit where you can like, trade it in for

a burger or something, right? Yes. My buddy, I mean, emeralds said that you could collect Scoopy points from the kids' meals and then Kit backstage was telling us that you can get a kids' meal as an adult and exploit the Scoopy tokens. Kid, I didn't want to say it to your face,

but that sounds fucked up. Yeah. You can exploit the kids' meals. Yeah, we're ratting Kit out. Um, but the, uh, like the Scoopy, I guess the kids' meals is the same thing

except you get a free scoop of ice cream with it or something. Oh, alright, you get free ice cream. You get a free custard. I'm sorry for saying ice cream instead of custard. I apologize, that's the gravest defense I can do in front of the great people of Milwaukee. So we went there.

I will say the service was super duper friendly. Yeah. The service was amazing. I want to say even before we got in, there was some Van Morrison playing in the parking lot from the restaurant. That's nice. I didn't notice that.

Ugh. Like just ambient music outside? Yeah, they were pumping out music. It was dancing in the moonlight. When you were walking in there, it was very nice. That's not Van Morrison. That's Van Morrison? Yeah, that's Van Morrison. I only listened to the Orleans version.

I think people are still yelling custard. It's not Van Morrison? No. Dancing in the moonlight is Van Lizzie? No, it's not. It's Van Morrison, mother fuckers. Who? It's who? Oh, my God, they're right.

Fuck. Dancing. Alright, this is a good show. Dancing in... Just riveting content here. Dancing in the moonlight, Wikipedia. King Harvest, mother fucker. See? I was the first one to say that it wasn't.

Nobody listens to me. I know Van Morrison. And that, sir, was no Van Morrison. Dancing Harvest is an American band with one member, Van Morrison. I'm just trying to trick everyone. Making it seem like I was right.

It's King Harvest. I fucked up, alright? It's fine. I was still dancing my way in. It was fun. So they're playing this music in the parking lot. Mitch did a splits in the snow pile. We go inside in the little... the anti-chamber before we get into the restaurant.

Oh, normal. Normal name for it. They have three signs documenting a ghost train. Milwaukee has a ghost train? What is that about? I was... I will say that I was about to take off right then and there.

You were almost too scared to enter the restaurant. Mm-hmm. And then it's weirdly... like, the one picture below the ghost train was Winston and Ghostbusters 2 with the train going through him. That's what they used to demonstrate the ghost train. Yeah, but it does kind of paint a vivid picture.

Like, you see that image and you know exactly what you're getting ghost train-wise. It's not actually a threat, but it is terrifying. So we go inside... Did anyone read what the ghost train was about? I took a picture. Oh, cool. Let's just read it on stage. You just read a fucking Wikipedia entry.

I know. I'm saying that was bad, too. I don't know if there's going to be any context that I can glean quickly from this because it's like a long-ass article. Twin Cities 400 Express train, known as the ghost train. Oh. And I don't want to fucking read all this shit.

But there's a ghost train around here. There was also a picture of Tanakura with his eyes crossed. Yeah. The implication is that he was getting blown by the conductor, potentially the engineer, hard to say.

So we go inside. I will say, I want to shout out Gwynn who helped us out of the counter. We had, you know, a party of four, clearly four newcomers, first-timers at Culver's. And I expected Culver's to be a pretty straightforward ordering procedure, but it's galore.

You got some things to figure out. You have some decision points to make because I thought that if you order a burger, I was like, I want the double-butter burger with cheese. I thought that they would just be like, okay, we know what that is.

But then they're asking me what I want on it. And now I'm just paralyzed because I don't know what my options are. And then when I hear my options, I don't know how to combine them in the proper way. She asked me and I was like, well, everything, I guess. And she was like, you sure?

Well, shit, not now. What y'all put on this damn burger? What y'all put on these burgers in Milwaukee? Tell me what the list of stuff is. I believe it's mayo, mustard, ketchup, onion, pickle, lettuce, and tomato is the full gamut of toppings. And I was like, yes, everything.

Why is that crazy, Gwen? Oh, wow, even that topping. What does that mean? Is there one who didn't tell me? Gwen? What's her name? Gwen. Also, by the way... She fucked with my boy Carl.

She sucks. Jesus Christ. Also, Milwaukee, I mean, like, a Butterburger, it just is like... Why is it gonna be a Butterburger? Well, you don't have to call it a Butterburger, is what I'm saying, right?

I like it. It's got butter on the bun. It's evocative. All right, fine, I like it too. It just seems very fucking... As a fat guy, it seems like too much. Butterburger, okay? Can I get a double Butterburger? I just feel like a fat fucking asshole.

Mitch, if you feel uncomfortable, why did you replace your buns with four sticks of butter? Oh, have you not got to that part yet on your list? Because it was false advertising, and I now have a case against Culver's. I will say, Mitch, that this is a you problem. This is you feeling self-conscious about ordering something. Yeah, I was self-conscious about ordering a Butterburger.

You don't have to be self-conscious about ordering, even though I liked it, the Rudy Tutti Fresh and Fruity Breakfast from iHop. And they even made... You don't have to also say it like you just did. Oh, this is embarrassing, but I guess I'll have the Rudy Tutti Fresh and Fruity Breakfast from iHop.

No, we know, sir. You're in the iHop, you don't have to say from iHop. So here's the thing about Culver's. The beef is all fresh, which is great. I love it. I love never frozen beef. And it's grilled to order, which is great. It takes a little bit longer, but I will say that our meal came out

very quickly, especially considering the size of our order. And I think they just kind of took it in stride because they saw us and were like, yeah, that's the amount of food that these men would order. I think it was a Milwaukee thing because they were like, is that all?

Yeah. We ordered all that food and our bill was $13. How do y'all make any money in this city? Let's start with the burgers. We all were in similar territory. We had the double butter burger with cheese with everything.

And the bun, as we mentioned, is lightly buttered for people who aren't familiar with Culver's who are listening. Everything, I guess, involves just a bunch of condiments and veggie toppings. Mitch, you and Carl both got the double cheddar and bacon butter burgers. Is that correct? Yes. That's correct.

There was an issue. There was a little bit of an issue with this. There was a snafu, if you will. A snafu, yes, that's the right word. First, because they take long every city we go to. And I was like, Gwen is getting pissed. I got ordered.

And I walked up and I said, let me get the double bacon cheddar burger. We went through the whole process and she said, do you want everything on it? I was like, what do you mean? She read off everything. I was like, yeah, I want everything, but no pickles. I guess I got to take one thing off if this is

ridiculous. I said, no pickles. The burgers came. Every burger that had pickles on it had a pickle on top of the burger. Mine did not, obviously. Mitch stole it from me. Tell them why, Mitch.

That's not true. I didn't steal it from you like the hamburger. I didn't say robble, robble and take your burger. His burger didn't have a pickle on it, but mine had American cheese on it. And I thought that you had ordered yours with American cheese.

I usually do because I'm very patriotic, but this time I got the cheddar one and I looked at the burger and I didn't like the way the cheddar looked and I saw your American cheese and I was like, hmm, that looks better. And so we decided to switch. So we swapped.

After Mitch had put it in his hands and tossed it around. Kyle said, I'll have Mitch's thumb burger, I guess. And I felt bad. I also looked at your burger too. I looked at everyone's burger. I was I was peeking at everyone's burger. Oh boy, I knew that would set it off.

It was the first thing that came into my head though. I will say I was a little confused by the cheddar versus the like the American cheese because it's not super clear on the menu to me, but my burger. Yeah, I guess you're right. A cheddar bacon burger

is really confusing. I was unclear as to what the default cheese was. That's all I'm saying. Just in the burgers in general. As a first-timer, as a first-timer at Culver's I was a little unclear as to what the default cheese was. I feel like if a place specifies cheddar, then that means the default

is American. If the regular burger is just a butter burger with cheese but if you say cheddar cheese, oh this shit is different. Yes, I agree. I agree with that. I think American is the standard, no? Yeah, that makes

sense, but I still think I'm right. So I had the I will say the double butter burger with cheese that has the American and all the toppings I threw on there was very, very yummy. It was just a scrumptious burger. I really enjoyed it. I thought the meat was very moist. I like

that the semi-melted cheese that was on it, like not fully melted, I guess, melty is what they call it. It's like kind of like... And I thought the bun was very high quality. I just my big thing is that I'm not sure what the

proper configuration of toppings to get is, because it's not quite five guys where it's like, it's all up to me. They clearly have a way it's supposed to come, but I don't know how to say just give me the way it's supposed to come. One thing I noticed about mine, the toppings, they put everything on the bottom bun.

There's nothing on the top of the burger, so basically it was like a layer of bread, cheese, meat, cheese, meat, and then all the toppings. That was weird to me. Weird. Yeah. It was wet on the bottom and dry on top. Yeah, for sure.

That had the same experience. Wet on the bottom and dry on top. Also, Nick kept calling his meat moist in the plate. Oh, this meat is so moist. And the cheese is melty. We're like, oh, sharp. Fucking disgusting.

Mine was good. I had a thumb through a bunch of burgers to finally get mine. But I love that cheddar bacon burger. The cheddar bacon burger was great. I got a double. I ate mine probably within a minute. After it was all settled, I was like, okay, good.

And it was gone. Before anyone else, I think everyone else is not even like halfway through their burger. Right. Yeah. I was tasting a little of everything. Go on. But that's also why I ordered a backup burger, everybody. Yeah. Wager.

What the fuck is it called? The Colby? The Colby Jack public burger. Which I guess is a limited time thing. It seems like that's what I inferred. Wisconsin Colby Jack cheese, crispy onions, four pepper mayo with a one. And then Gwen told us to add bacon because it's better with bacon.

You gotta add bacon. You gotta add bacon. She was emphatic. She said that about the custards, too, though. You gotta add bacon to this custom. And then we were like, no thanks. And she pulled out a gun. I had a nibble of that Colby Jack pub burger. I thought it was

scrumptious. It's kind of like, I took a bite and was kind of like, oh, wow. I was kind of like, how about that? It's a little bit of a left turn. It's kind of, it swerved on me a little bit. I wasn't quite expecting it to taste like a taste. You had this whole conversation by yourself?

Meanwhile, we're all like conversing like human beings. You were off in the corner going, oh, wow. This is something different. He was telling the high school kids. My meat is so moist, kids. Hey, kids, is your cheese as melty as mine? Huh?

Let's beat the shit out of this guy. Oh, he's getting hard as they're kicking your ass. What did you think of the Colby Jack pub burger, Mitch? I loved it. It was really, really great. Maybe it's not a thing that's dear to your guy's heart. Maybe it's a new thing, but it was really amazing.

It was really good. Both burgers knocked it out of the park. They were really, really great. I'm being honest. I came out in fucking full villain mode. I'm being honest about the burgers. I will definitely say that I like the default burger better than the

specialty burger, but I enjoyed them both. I thought they were both well-composed. Carl, let's talk about your burger a little bit. What did you think of that bad boy? I liked it. Even though I'm wearing a Milwaukee Braves hat and I got a cream city being the upstairs and I came out to cuckoo cow,

I am not here to pander to y'all. I'm going to get my honest opinion on this stuff. I really enjoyed my burger. I was thrown off a bit by all the toppings on the bottom. And I do think that changes the composition of a bite

right if you know what I mean. No, I know exactly what you mean. They're quiet because they know they're like, you're right. He's right. You guys know it. It's fucked up. I like little red onions on the burger.

Yeah. Y'all like that. I like red onions. I like red onions. I'm not coming for them. I'm just saying, just a choice. Rare white onions. I think I like white onions more than red onions. I like grilled onions on a burger.

Ooh, grilled onions. People said no. For... You can order them grilled at Culver's? Gwen did not tell us that. I told you she was a villain. What's her last name? What was the restaurant we went to?

That's not good. Gwen in trouble. She was lovely. I will say that for the first few decades of my life, Carl, I agreed with you. And then, I went back to raw. I was like, I like the onions raw now.

All right, good. You're talking about onions, correct? I hope not. I hope not. So we got the... But yes, the... All the toppings kind of altered your experience a little bit.

A little bit, just because they were all in one place. So it's like... You got to even them out a little bit. Right. Let's talk fries. Crinkle cut fries is what they offer there. They were hot. They were well-seasoned. I thought they were delightful.

I really enjoy the fries. I love crinkle cut fries. If you could ask me my favorite type of fries, I'd say probably crinkle cut. I might say shoestring or like a thinner fry. That's a fucking awful choice. I like a thinner fry. Shoestring is your number two?

It's up there. It's like... I like it. I like a thinner fry. I like that over a steak fry. What do you call a default fry? I think all shoestrings should be fucking tossed away. Velcro shoes for everyone. The only good shoestring fry is McDonald's.

Yes, but are those shoestring? He likes even thinner than that. You think shoestrings are... You think that shoestring is a category thinner than a McDonald's fry? Yes. Didn't they get too crispy? Yeah, that can happen sometimes.

Just a little score update. The Celtics are now only down by eight, my friends. Everybody, stand up. We got to get over there. Let's do this together. Let's rush it. The Bucks were inspired by 200 more fatties walking into the arena.

Led by a pie pepper of fat guys, Mike Mitchell, tossing cheese curds behind me. Everyone lumbering forward, putting on CPAP masks while awake. Do what we like and we like what we do. Anytime I picture a huge group of white people marching, I think of that song.

Let's get our body going. Cricket wireless. I took one for myself, but we should get these out to pass around. I'm going to throw one out there. Somebody catch it. Someone caught it. Wow.

We'll do this for the next 15, 20 minutes. This will kill some time. You are now whipping them at people. We're going to start fistfights in the audience. I think the fistfights they're going to have is with us. This is disgusting. No more. Look at my fingers.

Give me a towel, Mitch. I think you hit that woman there. I'm very sorry. Remember to just sue Carl. No. Odell Beckham Jr. got sued. Got charges pressed on him for tapping the security guard's butt or something.

It's ridiculous. Don't press charges on me for throwing cheese curds. What did you guys think of those? She went like this. She's thinking about it. What did you guys think of those crinkle cut fries? I really enjoyed them. They stayed hot the whole time, which was weird.

It was negative 16 degrees in that place. And I was like, these fries are still damn good. The fries were great. I loved the fries. I don't want to say they're like McDonald's level, but they're second tier fries of fast food.

And that's incredibly good. Is that mean? No, they're the first tier. McDonald's is S tier. Okay. Every fry in my little fry baggie stayed crunchy the whole time. Yes, it was weird. We took it outside and an hour later we bit it.

It was still hot. Like there might have been something wrong. Yeah. You used it to start a fire. I really, I really like those fries. I will compare them favorably to another crinkle cut

fry chain, which is a personal favorite of mine, Del Taco. And I think they're up there with those fries. They're the same sort of quality of just like consistent, well fried, hot crinkle cut fries. I thought they were great. Yes, I agree. And then we got the

this is a big thing here with the Wisconsin cheese curds. Now, how often do people eat the, is that like a common all the time? Holy shit, even in summertime?

Dear lord. You cheated us. Parents like telling their kids, if you don't eat your cheese curds, you can't have dessert. I ordered my own set of cheese curds and

Nick was like, well, let's just mix all of our cheese curds together. I was like, I kind of wanted my own cheese curds. But Nick pays for this. I hope you got it. You got enough cheese curds that it is a pretty hefty order.

So Kit, who we talked about backstage, characterized them and I hadn't heard this term before. They have a good squish and squeak to them. And I think that's pretty evocative because they do cheese curds are a thing. I'll say that the best chain version of cheese curds I had prior to today was at Buffalo Wild Wings,

who I think does a look. That's bad. Look, I'm not saying they're the best cheese curds. They're not, but I'm saying that a lot of chains attempt them and don't do them well. And I think Buffalo Wild Wings comes closest to approximating a good one.

I don't think it's a great cheese curd. But these are great. These are dynamite. The ones here are really, really good. I don't know about that squeaky. You need it like a dog toy. You need it to squeak when you bite into it. That's a thing.

You want it to be like a little mouse fucking squishing around in your mouth. That guy in the fissure. Yeah. It's fucking out of his mind. After chucking a few of them at the audience, these shits is wet.

They get very wet. They're very wet. The towel is soaked right now. We should clarify for people listening that we have fresh cheese curds here in this bag that Carl was tossing in the audience, but these are the deep fried cheese curds

that they have at Culver's. I wonder if the yelp is part, like the squeak is kind of, I wonder if part of that is like it's kind of like a yelp of pain. It's almost like at a primal level. What the fuck?

That's what I'm saying is I chomp into it. That's why they want the squeak? It might be. It could be. It's fresh. Or you know it's fresh. Fresh, aka alive. You know, Dahmer loves cheese curds.

Huh? Are they gonna feast on the three of us after the show? No, don't get people too into that. That's terrifying. It's like a statue of Dahmer outside the Bux Arena. What's going on here?

If you're gonna feast on me, I must be cooked and seasoned well. Okay? Hey, if you're gonna cook me up, you're gonna make it through the winter at least. Probably a couple winters. I'm very gamey. Like a deer.

Alright, I'm gonna say this about the cheese curds. Yes. They're the best cheese curds I've ever had. I mean that sincerely, I'm not pandering. They were just thick and fucking fat. Yeah.

Fucking delicious. Very good. You know, never mind. This may be inappropriate. No, please. Are we allowed to talk about another establishment currently? Of course. Okay. So, last night, Mitch and I and Emma went to

Vanguard. We went to the Vanguard last night. Huge pop for Vanguard. Um, I got a few of your DMs. Please don't say such mean things. No, I'm kidding. Uh,

those cheese curds were pretty damn good. Those cheese curds were really, really, really good. We also hit up, we hit up two spots last night. We also went to Sobelman's last night. Yeah. Wow. Mitch got a big-ass Bloody Mary. He liked it. He worked. He's got an A-W sweatshirt.

He's got an A-W sweatshirt and he did the Arsenio Hall whoop when you said whoop, whoop, whoop. And I think he was asleep till now. Sobelman's in Marquette University. Chris Farley went to college right around the corner from here.

Wow. So did Dwayne Wade. Oh, who cares about Dwayne Wade? It's Farley with the comedy. Yes, we are on the same level as Giannis. Us. With our comedy prowess. Oh, boy.

Wow, people went silent. Quick. Uh-oh. The curds are, you know, I was going through, so you were going somewhere with that. You were shouting out these local places. Oh, we went to the Vanguard in Sobelman.

I would just say, I'd like the Vanguard curds more than I like the Culver's Curds. They were really, really good. Vanguard, though, is a single location. This is a chain with 700 locations, so it is a little bit... He said what he said. For sure, for sure, yeah.

Sorry, I'm eating a curd. Oh, God, I got curd on the microphone. Do you think that's the first time that's happened at this venue? That's the one thing that doesn't come out of the deposit. Yeah. They have a guy whose job is to wipe curd

off of microphones. Oh, the curd cleaner? Yeah, we know about them. Sobelman's Rule 2, I got a giant bloody Mary. There's a burger in it. There's a what in it? There's a burger in it. Oh, boy, that's over the top. There's just a burger. There was one for $50 with just a full chicken in it.

Jesus. That's insane. People are disgusting. What an ignoble end for the life of a factory farmed chicken. Just to spend its entire consciousness

in a cage. I'm on the watery today. Yeah. It gets killed and then it's used in a novelty drink. Most of its corpse uneaten just thrown into a dumpster. Oh, God. I guess larvae will get to it.

All right. Moving on. Is this the day you become dumber? Just visiting Milwaukee to his soul going to you? Wow. Okay. Thank you.

What do you say? He said Bucks are up 20. Please keep shouting play by play updates from the audience. What the fuck? The Celtics have scored one point since they last looked. All right.

Yes. They suck. Fuck the Celtics. I don't like the Celtics. I actually have a friend whose father, a few friends whose father played here for a long time in the 80s. His name is Marcus Johnson.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Then he became a clipper, baby. Hashtag clipper nation. Hashtag Donald Sterling's kids. Yeah. So another, the last savory side that we got and I look,

I don't know what the reaction is going to be to saying that I ordered this, but I saw it on the menu and was like, this looks like a thing I want to try. Yeah. The chili. Okay. Maybe too much. One very enthusiastic man and then everyone else

kind of not into it. So this is a chili. It's a medium spicy homestyle beef, diced tomatoes, kidney beans, peppers, onions, celery. I got to say this. I dipped some of my fries in that chili just to sort of like, you know,

have like a sort of chili sauce effect and I had some spoonfuls of it. This was unfortunately the low light of the meal. And I don't think that this is, you know, something Culver's known for. I think it's like ordering the baked potato or whatever the fuck. They have like fucking steamed broccoli there you can get.

Yeah. Right. I can see that guy. You don't know damn broccoli. I think if you order the steamed broccoli at Culver's, you just get arrested. There's a trap door.

Yeah. I got it up into more burger. That's when Gwen actually pulls that trigger. Yeah, the chili I didn't love. I don't know if you guys had any of it. No, I didn't want to touch your chili. It wasn't very exciting. You get chili at every restaurant. I like chili. I know.

I was going to take a bite and I didn't feel like getting up and getting a spoon. And the only spoon I was there was yours and I looked at it and I go, no, pass. You didn't miss much, unfortunately. What a nasty ass spoon. So that leads us from the savory side

into the sweet treats, which Culver's is known for. That's right. I kept it very, very simple. I got myself a scoop of vanilla frozen custard. As I've said many times before, vanilla is not plain. Vanilla is a flavor.

And this had a smooth texture to it. What they claim is the finest vanilla on earth may very well be the case. This was a delicious scoop of vanilla frozen dessert. I loved it. And I did a thing. You know me as a lifelong

SoCal surfer dude, I have an allegiance to our local burger chain in and out burger. Okay, a little bit of in and out love. And the thing I would always do in and out growing up is I would take my fry and dip it in my vanilla shake. And I, you know, it's a custard

so it's not exactly the same textural experience but I experimented that with a little bit and I was just like, oh boy, I was eight again. I was like, this is great. My pubes went away. They got sucked back into you. That anecdote put everyone here asleep and I just looked into the live cast of the game

and all the Bucks players on the floor asleep. You're energy. I got a concrete mixer which I told everyone that basically sums up my bowel movements for the rest of the trip as a concrete mixer. And to get real descriptive with it,

the custard machine was slowly pumping out custard as we were there and I was like, deja vu. Just a long line of white shit. It was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen in my life. I videotaped it. Yeah, you videotaped and said, this is going in the spank bank? Yeah.

I gave you shit for getting a plain vanilla custard. Yes. And I got to say at this place it makes sense because I got myself a concrete mixer with Oreo in hot fudge which is too much. To be honest, it's way too much.

And every time I was having bites like the chunks of the plain vanilla custard, it was fantastic. It was really, really, really, really good. That mixer was so hard to put down. I had already eaten so much food and I ate about three quarters of it. I loved it.

I love it and I'm mad that we don't have it. I am. We may. So it's been slowly expanding from Wisconsin through the Midwest to the South and the Mountain West

and now in Arizona. It may eventually reach the coast. We may eventually get into California. But the thing that happened with Steak and Shake, people are walking out. It's not true. It's staying in Milwaukee. The thing that happened with Steak and Shake

is they expanded to the coasts. The quality went south and we talked about this before. We talked about keeping the quality level high as they've been vastly growing exponentially. But I hope if they do make that move they don't cut any corners in the product quality

because it is so... So good. Carl, your sweet treats. Yes, I went for... Now this is where I agree with you on the menu problem. I went for a vanilla malt and y'all not like that?

That said it was fire as fuck. It was so good. It was so delicious. But I did not know any other flavor to get because there was nothing on the menu that said otherwise. Now, I like vanilla. I also am... Team vanilla is a flavor. I think it's delicious.

And when you add that malt shit to it, whatever that is, it makes it that much better. I dipped a fry in it. The fry stayed hot. What the fuck is up with these fries? I left it in there for six minutes.

I pulled it out and burned the roof of my mouth. Some of these fucking fries. But no, I actually... I walked out with that thing. I took it home. It put me to sleep. It was very, very good.

Culvers put me down hard. Did we all take naps afterward? Oh, yeah. I went home, turned on that Hernandez documentary, and right out. I just hear Carl going, Ha! And I'll come over and look, and it's like Bill Belichick

on the screen. I'm like, motherfucker. And Mitch is in the room like, he's innocent. Oh, God. I was telling Mitch about a stat... I heard a stat today. Ha! About the Patriots. In 2007, the Patriots were the best team in football.

They went 7, 18 and 0 before they made it to the Super Bowl. And the best receiver was Randy Moss. One of the greatest receivers of all time. Y'all don't have to like him. You don't have to like him. Oh, Vikings, huh? You have to admit. Yeah, y'all don't like the Vikings.

Either I'm a Saints fan, fuck the Vikings. But... I'm rooting for y'all this weekend, too. Wow. You know what? I'm rooting for you all, too. Yeah. You know what? I should have painted a war fucking cheese head. I just thought of it right now.

I almost bought one in the airport, but it was too expensive. Uh... In 2007, Randy Moss, the best receiver in football, in Boston, his jersey is outsold by Wes Welker. Can you believe that shit? If you don't know what I'm talking about,

Google these two things, it'll open right up. You'll understand why I find this hilarious. Welcome, baby. We love Wes. It just gives racist Boston guys like, I could be out there on the field with him, too. I loved Moss.

He was my favorite player that year. So, I know, sorry. Go Packers, I don't know. Aaron Rodgers is a liberal cut from California. He's a liberal cut. He's a liberal cut. From California.

Take down Jimmy G. So, I don't have to hear about fucking how we made a huge mistake. Send him away. MR Engineer was telling us that Culver's used to have us saying, get culverized. Do you guys remember that?

Get culverized. It sounds like something they'll say when you're at the hospital. He's culverized. We need the paddles. Burger stuck in his hand. Stepdad culverizes disobedient stepdaughter. We should get to our final thoughts on Culver's

disobedient stepdaughter. Carl, you're a veteran of Doe Boys. You know how this works. We'll go around. We'll give our closing arguments for this chain and then end with a fork rating zero to five forks. You're our guest. We'll begin with you.

All right. As I told you, despite all of the shit I've said tonight pandering, I'm not here to pander to you. I don't care about y'all. Okay? But what I will say is this.

Today I sat with my friends Nick Weigar and Mike Mitchell and Emma. I don't know if she wants her last name out there. Good point. And we were joined by a group of Shorewood High School children. Alma Mater of Charlotte Ray

girls, girls, girls from Facts of Life. If I know that I'm only 31. If I know the show, you should know it. And I ate a delicious

meal that was topped off with some piping hot crinkle cut French fries and a delicious malted vanilla milkshake. And there was this lyric

in So Fresh and So Clean by Outcast that big boy said, cooler than Fray Jackson sipping on a milkshake in a snowstorm. And I walked outside with that malt and I laid down in a pile of fresh white

powder. And at that moment I said I'm the coolest person on the fucking planet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Five Facts for Carl Golez!

Wow. Alright. It's hard to top that. Yeah, we should really have Carl go last. Yeah, we should really have Carl go last. Selfics are down 11. It's hard to top you saying those cheese curds were the best

you've ever had. I know. I blew that a little too early on the show to say that. Um I've heard we heard over and over again that we need to go to Culver's. We have to go to Culver's. People said it a bunch. And I like

look you know when you're driving up to you see the little blue sign I'm like what the fuck's with this little blue sign who gives a shit about this place? I get outside the car dancing the moonlight by Ben Morrison is playing. And I'm like this is kind of what is this little hokey what is this little what is this fucking weird Midwestern spot

and Nick you're not gonna like this but if I could replace every person in and out Burger in California with Culver's I would do it and that's not a lie that's not a lie

Nick that sounds like pandering Nick you give me the word I'll fuck him up I'll fuck him up Nick No please don't pulverize Mitch I'm gonna coerize I I haven't finished my review

5-4 I mean I think you might get culverized if you go below 5 Here's the thing you brought up easy you brought up in and out Burger and that is the I tried to view

chains like this but loved local institutions through that prism my personal experience I grew up in Southern California in and out Burger was an after-school treat this is good report card in and out Burger and so that tie to that nostalgia it's

like in Ratatouille that little bite into a memory that takes him back to his mom making him Ratatouille after he skinned his knee when he fell off of his bicycle and if I had that association like I could there is a scenario you talked about

replacing every in and out with culvers I don't like that scenario but in the scenario in which I am geographically raised in the Wisconsin fucking state the state of Wisconsin the Wisconsin the fucking state

the fucking state I hope so I told y'all I need somebody to fix that heater in our house now how the fuck can you guys even that's insane yeah how do you fucking like what with all this fucking horny teens are gonna eat culvers

and then go fucking finger each other what are they doing how does anyone have sex in this state you gotta be just be too full it's also freezing it's so cold I've had an innie the entire time I've been here

oh that's how you stay warm the warm fluids oh that was gross shut up custard the scenario in which I am raised in Wisconsin and I grow up

it's such a clear one to one where this would be my in and out burger I can see that the level of quality is extremely high the food is delicious the service was great the menu is expansive enough but not too expansive

I would like a little bit some guide post for a first timer but I think for my repeat visit and there will be repeat visits I will know what I'm doing a little bit more I will say the thing that elevates this the thing that takes this up a tier is the

desserts the frozen treats here are so fucking good and they are like up there with the best fast food desserts based on my experience today so yes I can't this isn't pandering but I can't be true to myself if I go below 5 forks

wow which means Covers has joined the platinum Blake Carl is throwing out curds again oh my god that guy caught that so smoothly I'm not trying to throw to this dude in the bucks

get him to the bucks you don't have to catch that well guys that was our review of Covers oh wait Minnesota what did you say anyways moving on he said fuck him up

can we like what we do he called John Minnesota oh I'm sorry for confusing with you with another fucking frozen state we're different oh no you guys are different what was the person who waited on us

Gwen we love Gwen homeboy too we didn't get his name he had a beanie on and he kept coming over and asking us how everything tasted and we were like bitch the same

he was like just to remind your friends you can't go sit with those high school kids but that is a key point for people who haven't been to Covers they bring your order to your table and they check up on you which is great for a counter service restaurant

we need to talk about this we got root beers we got the Covers root beer let me tell you foamy head on that thing the root beer was great solid root beer it sounds like you're lying

solid root beer hold on if we talk about lying for a second I'm gonna go ahead and lean I'm not replacing every In-N-Out burger with Covers but when I come to Wisconsin I'm eating Covers there we go

can you give a path to In-N-Out burgers to Covers absolutely not not even the one in Las Vegas that's fucked up I like In-N-Out burger but Covers has such more of an extensive menu right and the desserts are much better

I don't like In-N-Out's milkshakes partly because of the Bible verse that is put on the cups real ice demon right there and Jesus handed his milkshake to Peter instead do what we like

and we like what we do guys that was our review of Covers it's time for a segment it's Drink or Stank Emma Hurdbreak everybody I think she is okay with her last name being said

so guys we have a bunch of local Milwaukee Brew Dogs these are courtesy these are courtesy of Tyler Moss Tyler is here thank you Tyler so we've got a bunch of these we've got I think five

or six different ones to taste and we can sort of just give a little sip of each of these want me to go through them yes we got the river west stein it is stein right so this is an amber it's not steam

stein like glass could be stein it might be someone's name this is Tyler's note say that this is an amber and this is one of the first beers they ever made could easily compete for official beer of Milwaukee

so let's have a taste of this bad boy we got a spotted cow so this is a Wisconsin farmhouse ale brewed by New Glaris and the most popular craft beer in the state thank you Carl we got OG is that right

I like that already yes pronounced OG it's a monstrous tea infused wit wow blends the downtown Milwaukee breweries imperial wit beer with tea that's made by a local company called Rishi tea okay back to my DMs please don't say such mean things

I last night everybody was like dude you gotta get a spotted cow and a couple people were like real people in MKE will tell you spotted cow is whack so by a round of applause

who fucks with spotted cow and by a round of Arsenio Wolfs who doesn't fucks with spotted cow wow I can't count that sounded straight up like Arsenio Hall in here I think that they don't fuck

with it as much Milwaukee records reporter look at this this is a beer for me it's a bunch of bears on the can and press outfits and dress yeah they look they're all journalists pretty snazzy and the last one is a happy place Weiger

but Carl you have generously poured us the river west stein oh wow everyone's taking it down oh boy this is potent I like it I feel like this is like if you drank from Milwaukee's tap water this is the tap

this is like what this is what is this what comes out if you try on the tap it's good it is good it's thick hold on hold on I want a different cup oh that's fucked up we gotta reuse okay what one are we moving on to what did you guys think of that one I liked it I enjoyed that one

I liked it I liked it I liked it quite a bit okay we're doing the glare now it's a little darker a little heavier than I usually have but it's good this is the spotted cow a very equal fucks wit no fucks wit thank you buddy now be honest the people who don't fucks with it are you being hipsters

who are like I don't know you got to try this Milwaukee piss dick alright I've had the Milwaukee piss dick a little too warm for my taste it had

Culver's fries in it this is nice this is nice it's you know it's weird because it's like a light looking beer but it kind of has those sort of it kind of yeah yes it's cream it kind of has that sort of taste to it

like it's almost like a it tastes like a like a porter or something they think I'm happening and I should be that you're saying that you love the cream taste of it fucking cream detective yeah I'm a creamsman

we're in the cream city but Carl I want to I want to say what happened last night with the Spotted Cow wait when we went to what was the first bar we went to no soblemans we had a Spotted Cow yeah

and then we went to the vanguard do you remember oh yeah I hope that guy's not here and the guy at the vanguard was like he was coming over I heard you guys got this everybody keeps telling me to try this beer the Spotted Cow this one's on me and I'm like oh I've never had it

and I was right there and I was like no Carl you had it at the last bar and Carl was like no we did it and I was like no we did it I've never had this in my life Mitch shut up and I pulled out my gun oh yeah are you going to rinse out

I said last night that sorry I had a burp sorry that's gross I said last night that this tastes almost blue moonish slightly blue moonish oh my god yeah man I gotta keep it

we in Milwaukee so I gotta keep it a buck it tastes like beer dawg come on y'all tripping I'm with the hipsters on this one I want a Milwaukee piss dick alright let's open up this OG which has a Godzilla on the fucking top I like this can

it looks like something I drink before I drift so you guys should know this one is 9.2% alcohol oh boy which I think is also the BAC for driving drunk in Wisconsin

you got Godzilla with a beer on the fucking on the can here not on the toilet he's walking through the streets um you blow a 9.2 in the cops like go home move it

stop at Covers first just leave your car here Godzilla this looks interesting it says it's tea infused that's the only way someone in Wisconsin will drink a tea you put it in a fucking beer it's infused with tea

it has gossip they go spill the beer wow this is really distinct this is really like you can definitely taste the tea notes yeah I don't like that I kind of like it it's very

it's like weirdly smoky and bitter at once but I like it I would not know this was as alcoholic as it is I think that's part of the trick of it and it'll have you like bouncing off the walls because it's got tea in it right yeah for Walker that's like oh man

I'm so crazy right now just sitting there doing nothing alright what do we have left I don't like that one sorry everybody that won't suck shit next up we have all the bear journalists Milwaukee record

reporter so they already ported it once and they had to do it again had to do it to him so intro I had like a little note on this one Milwaukee record gives 100% of profits to a local organization called the Milwaukee Women's Center

so that's nice this is a spice dry porter that's infused with chocolate a roast medium roast coffee vanilla bean cinnamon and three types of chilies damn what's going on here we have to drive to Detroit at 8am

to 8am or to Detroit wow this straight up this straight up tastes like cold brew it is really a wild experience no sir no thank you what the fuck I like it

it's definitely like a bit of a swerve but like I like it it's so distinct and I kind of like the chocolatey notes this should be fucking illegal here beer that gives you guys power to stay up longer

it's like fucking coffee beer that's not right you gotta get rid of that shit I'm sorry I know the proceeds go to a good place the issue with this is that I could chug this like nothing it's like drinking chocolate milk but it's like very alcoholic

do you guys share this with me so you'll see somebody eating or drinking something and he'll be like damn they making that shit look good I want some of that even though I know that I don't like that shit and you try it and you go yep it's the same

that's how I feel about my aunt used to eat tomatoes whole as if they were apples she would make them put salt and pepper on them and I'd be like damn I want a tomato and then I would bite into the fucking tomato I'd be like I didn't want this shit

and then that's the same thing with cold brew I never want cold brew but these bears are asking the hard hitting questions they're getting to the nitty gritty of this Milwaukee city sir do you have a known affiliation

with Lev Parnas no comment okay happy place we're in the happy place 51 seconds left in the game the bucks are up by 6 hold that lead

hold that lead you liberal cuck is that a new cup? yeah that's a new cup okay here we go alright the pouring Nick is fucked up I can tell what did you say?

you know here's the thing he's fucked up yeah I didn't get a lot of sleep I took a little bit of a post culver's nap but I'm pretty I'm pretty drunk and tired I'm doing okay I'm hanging in there

last one here we go happy place oh boy so here's the thing I've kind of my question is the first one was like okay the first two and then every other one was a fucking Willy Wonka beer

this one has a touch of tea my boy what the fuck is that shit I think we progressed nicely though we kind of you know we went through the tasting menu in a way where we started with the milder ones this one is it's I mean it's very IPA

it's very hoppy in the immortal words of our king Bruno Mars lucky for you that's what I like that one is going to be my fave happy place is going to do it also in the immortal words of Pharrell Williams

cause I'm hoppy clap your hands if you like a beer with lots of hop the only way I can say about that is timely as hell you guys went out tonight will I hear a Pharrell Williams joke you got it

what was up with that hat he was wearing it's like the Arby's logo this is great you'll think about it later and be like how would you guys rank these we got the spotted cow the river west stein

the happy place the OG and the Milwaukee record reporter let's just do like a top three should we rank them in what we've seen in Milwaukee that we've liked to what we've liked the least yes you start with that

so I'll give my rankings and one of the cool things that I've seen in Milwaukee is Vanguard's cheese curds so I'm going to rank happy place

Vanguard's cheese curds wow and then I'm going to rank spotted cow big pile of ice that's pretty good that was like being melted by the

exhaust of a truck I was like I like that I don't get to see that very often Jesus what's the third one going to be the third one that I liked the most was this river west stein and

I'm going to rank this one hot girl I saw walking down the street with a bucks hat oh shit with a bucks hat on y'all don't like that

wait wait that's your least favorite one well top three top three do you like the pile of ice more than the attractive woman you saw I do because it was being melted by a truck exhaust and you don't get to see that and I was

just like it was a big ass pile of ice and so I wondered like how did that shit get there when they when they plowed the ice do they just put it in random parking lots and then a truck was right there and it was melting the shit with the exhaust and I was like

it made me it tickled me those are good rankings I'm not going to be able to top that but I'll with this shit here this reporter y'all tripping dog so my number one aka my culvers

river west stein that kind of sucks that I'm like the best thing I saw in your city is culvers but you guys went with it number two will be

spotted cow which will be you know what it will be my my vanguard cheddar jalapenos brought that I got last time in third place

here is happy place which says third space third space which makes sense third place third space that's Jeffrey Dahmer at our Airbnb freezing his ass off you know what I'm not going to eat no more dudes

it's too cold in this place 66 degree but I tell you if somebody comes and fix this I'm like you know oh we also where did we get pizza from last time what was that place Zyra

Zanyas Zenas what the fuck is it called you work there oh you just go he was pointing at him and I was like what he works there no we just go we got pizza from there on the way home

bunch of cops bunch of cops there there were a bunch of cops ooh boo I like it don't hand it to me there was so much cheese on every slice of pizza you couldn't bite through it

it was fucked up anyways oh fuck you the bucks won someone said from the audience yeah I know we heard Celtics lost by 5 nice comeback though

oh fuck nice comeback shut up I need something oh oh shut up alright this shows over why give me a fucking ranking oh did you finish your rankings

yeah okay so I got in huh I got in this afternoon so I haven't spent a lot of time in the industry it's the end of the show not the start of the show yeah I know okay good I know if you had some sort of weird laps you got in this afternoon go on

I think I quantum leaps I will say my okay so starting with number one so because I got in this afternoon I haven't experienced much of the cream city but so I will say my number one is the empty seat next to me am I connecting flight

from Minneapolis wow that I am going to give to the spotted cow so that's what's that so far have you told people what you liked about Milwaukee number one is the empty seat next to you on your flight yes

alright number two is the guy in the convenience store who showed me where the deodorant was because I forgot to pack mine um that I'm I'm honestly going to give to the Milwaukee record reporter because I think it's just like such like an interesting swerve

oh! reporter a re? reporter now I get why these bears are press members reporter I just thought that picture was cute and number three which is my mental

image of the pending funeral of the grandmother who insulted my gloves her kids aren't there for some reason I'm giving to the OG confused wits again I just like the ones that take the big swing

it's fun for me but yeah a lot of great brew dogs here you guys have obviously an amazing beer culture up here I was struck when we were thinking of good places I truly was like what have I seen in Milwaukee and one of my first things was like the river of ice is kind of good

that's insane I did enjoy seeing that the river of ice it was cool and when we drove out of the drive-in I was like damn that river is frozen but not all the way so it would just be very discomfiting to be in y'all tripping up here though

the moving water freezes like T-1000 style it's insane wild guys that was Drinker Stank it's time to open up the feedback just like a restaurant barrier feedback so we're going to take three audience questions and we're going to tell us who we're going to call up

who we're going to call up actually let us know who we're going to call up in order Emma and we'll just bring everyone up and ask them in sequence amazing we got Gabe Ubatuba Gabe Ubatuba come on up Eric Zang and not TV Dodd

Hirsch I probably didn't pronounce that right awesome come on up here guys we'll take these questions and whatever order you get up to the mic come here you got here first hi my name is Nativa Dodd okay all right Nativa Dodd

love it Nativity in Spanish hell yeah I live in LA so my question was do you like small bits of meat better than large big pieces of meat because everyone really likes

big pieces of meat like steak or like a big turkey leg but today for dinner I had shawarma and it was all these little tiny delicious pieces of meat oh boy yeah Chinese food little pieces of meat I love this

sushi Nativa Dodd I don't say this lightly but this might be the best question we've ever got I just want everyone else to know everyone in this audience who submitted a question your question was worse than that when you framed your question

instantly I was like big pieces of meat what are you talking about but then you threw out shawarma and I was like little pieces of meat have a case it's tricky I think of like one of my favorite foods is like a taco and you get like some carne asada

and like a soft shell taco or you know some you know what the fuck else am I thinking of ground beef little pieces of meat yeah for sure carnitas same sort of thing

and it's delightful and like the season really permeates the meat when it's in those small little chunks pizzas small chunks I'm going small chunks I like small meats I think of course everyone knows I have a spot in my heart for small meats very defensive

about small meats I think I think he's look of course I like a nice big steak a juicy steak sure but besides that even when I'm getting like when I'm getting a turkey sandwich

if it's layered too much with too much turkey no thank you I like a little meat goes a long way yeah so I'm going little meat too give me those little taco crumbs wow Carl what do you think big meat

get your minds out of the gutter there are black men with tiny penises in the world I am not one of them but no no no no I have been getting really into butcher culture lately like going to the butcher and buying

steaks and buying shit like that and it's really fun to like make your like cook your own shit at the house and so I am going big meat because I bought a tomahawk steak and I cooked it

to perfection and it was good that sounds good as hell awesome thank you so much for the question small meat twins though hi what's your name again what's your question this is Gabe hi Gabe hey guys

are you guys familiar with the brewers sausage race yes I've seen this you got a polish you got a hot dog you got an Italian you got a chorizo and I think I'm missing one a bratwurst what the hell am I thinking

thank you and to give our listeners some context you may not know this this is a thing that happens in milwaukee brewers games correct correct and so a bunch of different people in mascot suits dressed as sausages will race each other yes didn't one of the sausages take another one out with a bat I don't know

if they took out a rabbit ran into them oh one of the players hit one of the sausages with a bat this one was a ryan brawn so of those five who would win can you can you list them out again sure you got a chorizo you got a bratwurst you got a hot dog

you got a polish you got an Italian oh shit it sounds like the setup for a very hacky joke you just have a random rabbi running that's right yeah wait and you said this is the brewers race

or is this the race for governor fucking hot dog got fucking elected it's a boston accent whatever I will say this is my so Cal allegiance shining through a little bit but if I had to pick one I would say chorizo but wow

but I you know you gotta say Italian sausage has a very strong case as well I love an Italian sausage chorizo is better ground up I think in a taco yeah that's fair okay whatever fuck it man I was gonna say a talent

you know what might honestly win my number one I just said it was a joke but you're gonna be mad but hot dog might win number one I love hot dogs not a bad choice I'm going hot dog cause I'm proud to be an American well at least I know I'm free

that went as quick as liberal cuck everyone joined immediately I'm going hot dog hot dog great question great question thank you very much wait what's your answer he says bratwurst oh we should have said bratwurst we got a big pop

thank you Gabe yeah boston sweatshirt hi remind us your name wearing the boston sweatshirt I'm Eric hi Eric and my question is related to I used to work at Culver's wow thank you for your service you're very welcome and he's wearing

a huge wedding ring wow married I got married three weeks ago congratulations I really hope this isn't your honeymoon so whole milk is roughly 4% fat wow

vanilla custard is 8% wow and chocolate is 12% are there any foods that you found out the nutritional facts of and have been disgusted but you still love them ooh boy this is a good question that's a good question

honestly from just hearing that I'm like I want to try 20% fat hahahaha I learned that like one I didn't notice like one bagel is like 490 calories so when you add cream cheese to it it just gets even worse

but I also like to go to Krispy Kreme and get a dozen and eat them all so I ain't trippin off that shit so there's there are kind of bars but they're competitors like cliff bars which I think predates it and I used to have like cliff bars as like oh this is like a

lighter snack or this is a breakfast substitute that's very quick and then you look at it and it's got so much fucking sugar you might as well have like a maple bar or a jelly filled donut like you'd enjoy it more versus eating this fucking

processed you know fucking brick of grain you'd enjoy it more and you get the same nutritional value out of it so yeah that was the thing that definitely I was startled by is like there's so much fucking sugar in this it's not even worth it's not even offset by the amount of fiber in it

it's just fucking trash you're just eating junk yeah it serves you right for fucking eating cliff bars preach king hahahaha does it look like I've ever been scared of a calorie count hahahaha let's fucking bring it on

the more the better it's gonna be fucking like this this is actually like 1800 I don't give a shit if it looks good and there's X's over my eyes as I fall over dead right now no I've never cared about that shit ever

and I have a size 42 waist here though when I when I flew when I landed in Milwaukee I checked my pants and I have a size 22 hahahaha hahahaha a weird conversion thing here

guys that's our show Carl Tart Emma Hurdbreak I know next time for the Spoonman Mike Mitchell I'm Nick Weigher Happy see ya thank you Milwaukee thanks guys

you guys rule the fat boys are back and you know they can never be right the fat boys are back do you like to go that floor on the next Doe Boys Double live from Detroit it's National Coney Island our Midwest mini tour with Carl Tart

continues as we sample Coney Dogs and Greek food plus a Detroit pizza face off subscribe to get the Doe Boys Double every Tuesday only at patreon.com slash Doe Boys sources for this week's intro include