Doughboys - Doughboys Double - Garfield's Thanksgiving w/ Paul Rust

Episode Date: November 28, 2019

Free preview of Doughboys Double! Paul Rust (Love, Don't Stop Or We'll Die) discusses celebrity drive-by sightings and taste the Merry Mash-Up Slurpee and Holiday Mint M&M's.To subscribe to the Doughboys Double go to: patreon.com/doughboysWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. The following is a free preview of Doe Boyz Double to get a bonus episode every Tuesday subscribe at patreon.com slash Doe Boyz. Welcome to Doe Boyz Double, I'm Nick Weiger, alongside the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell. Mitch? Yes. This is our final episode before Thanksgiving. Wow.

We've got Thanksgiving coming up in just a couple of days as of the, I mean as of this record it's coming up in a week, but as of this release it's coming up in two days. We're in Thanksgiving Eve Eve. Gobble gobble to you all. A gobble gobble to you, my good boy. And gobble gobble back, my friend. Hmm. The Thanksgiving greeting.

May your cornucopia's be filled with merriment. Hmm. Maybe they be stuffed full. Ah, yes. Gobble gobble. Um, you know, we're kind of like, as podcasts, we're kind of like the, the podcast version of tryptophan in so many ways will put you to sleep. We love all our Patreon subscribers who use the show as a sleep aid, you know, whatever

works for you. For me, it's putting on sunglasses 30 minutes before bedtime and taking a little melatonin. It's very strange. I've seen it in action. It may be strange, but it works out. Carl Tartt thought you were doing like a big long bit. We were staying in Airbnb together and I put on sunglasses like after we did the show, I got home and put sunglasses on and thought he thought I was just doing an unfunny bit.

He never even said anything or laughed and just thought you were being silly by having sunglasses on. Yeah. I mean, he was watching me do unfunny bits for like a full week or two or so. He just took it in stride. Nick, what are your Thanksgiving plans? Nothing. We usually, Natalie and I usually take it pretty easy.

We just do a thing for the two of us because our family is all local and so we see everyone for in a month anyway. We're all in Southern California, so we usually just have a little dinner we make together, which is fun. That's nice. So I guess that's not nothing. I'm having a lovely meal with my lovely wife. Do you make the turkey?

No, we don't make the turkey, but I don't make anything. She makes the whole meal? Or we go out. Dear Lord. Yeah. But it's fun. We have a great time. We have a lot of fun.

I think that there's an Indian restaurant by us that we always go to for lunch. We have like an Indian Thanksgiving lunch, no vegetarian lunch. It's a nice like little pre meal before the big, the big indulgence. Wow. Yeah. I'm a, uh, you know what? I'll say, I'll say the way that the place I'm going to, God, I'll say the way I'm, what are you doing?

I'm going to Disney World for Thanksgiving. Oh, no. You know when people say that, like after they win the Super Bowl, they don't go into a Mickey voice. They don't. I'm going to, I'm going to be in Disney World for Thanksgiving, I believe. How exciting. Mickey shall be carving the turkey.

Hmm. Yes. As is tradition. A Mitch, we have a, we have a wonderful guest here before we do that, we, you know, another change up in the record. We've got, you know, Emma and you song aren't here. Our buddy Marissa from head gum is here. Hi Mars.

Hi. How's it going? Doing great. Do you have any Thanksgiving plan? Wait, you do the Canadian Thanksgiving. That's your jam. So my Thanksgiving was last month. However, I think what's become a tradition for me is now going to gay versus live power

hour. Oh God. I'm doing that. And if I'm doing that tomorrow as of this episode is coming out when you go, what are you going to reveal? Um, you said some weird stuff. Yeah. I do have every time you've done it.

So I do have a tradition of getting very drunk and then saying a secret. Uh, I think this is the time I finally show everyone my Terminator arm of a knife at the ready. Man, I was telling you that. Yeah. On, on this, this thing I was in Atlanta shooting the tomorrow war, this guy, uh, there's a guy in the movie who was, uh, who was in Terminator two. This, uh, it's, it's, is it a stunt performer or character actor?

It's, I think both he's both because Jim Palmer, if you look up in this guy's IMDB, it's insane because he's in like Titanic Terminator two. He's been in like every big movie for like 30 years, just one of these amazing character actor careers. And he's the guy that John Connor gets Arnold. He tells Arnold not to beat him up. Oh yes. Yeah.

He's, he's, he's cool as hell. And he, and he has a cool stunt in that sequence. Yeah. He does. Yeah. The fuck that's fucking awesome. He's cooler than you are. Clearly.

Yeah. I know. I just, I just want to, I just want to let you know. I mean, I'm insulted. This guy is cool. Yeah. He's cool. He's very cool.

Um, and you know, and who else is cool? Our guest today from Netflix's love and don't stop or we'll die. Paul Rust is back in studio. Hi Paul. Oh, hi guys. It's so good to be back. Oh, but we love having you. Thank you for having me.

Uh, Mitch, why, why Disney world? Uh, because my God, my God father's son, Neil, my God brother. Uh, he's going down there for Thanksgiving. He has kids. Uh, and we're, and we're going to hang with Ronan and Mia down in Disney world. Ronan Farrow and Mia Farrow. That's nice.

And I didn't know you guys were on a first day basis. That is weird that they're both, they wrote it in Mia. I'd never thought about it till you just said it. Um, well, maybe. Yeah. I don't know if you're going to Disney world or Egypt with all those pharaohs. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Boo, boo. Uh. Who was booing? So what was booing? It was weird. Who was that?

It was weird. I think it was Mitch's neighbor. Rex. He was playing music earlier. You heard it. It was playing for a while. Do you think it's, uh, well, as long as we're having fun with people's names, do you think it's Rex from a star tours?

Speaking of Disney world, that Rex was DJ Rex. DJ Rex. Oh yeah. DJ Rex. Yeah. Is it, is it DJ Rex from Star Tours? Well, he turned into DJ Rex now at the Cantina. Oh, that's how they're using him.

That's the new capacity he's employed in. Paul Rubens. Who? That's right. You, you wrote, you wrote the new P. We've movie with follow. Yeah. A, a lifelong past to Disneyland, a Disney world.

Does he really? That's amazing. Lucky guy. That's so cool. Wow. Yeah. God, the perks of being a Disney voice. You guys got to get in on that.

Yeah. Do you think that I could, I could be the voice of Gaston. Hi, I'm Gaston. Look at my veins. All these muscles. That's good because that's you got Gaston. Mitch has Mickey.

So you guys are set. And all those Gaston and Mickey adventures to go on. One of the first roles I ever played in my life was Lafoo. Oh, you told me this. Yeah. For what? For Laf what? For, uh, for Beauty and the Beast.

For my, uh, for raise the curtain. The summer theater camp, of course. Yes. Raise the RTC. Yeah. And I wasn't embarrassed when I went into the dining room and all the basketball camp kids came in. And we all ate together.

And I, they're like, what are you here for? And I was like, I'm playing Lafoo. It is funny that, uh, college campuses in the summertime become places where. Camps for math kids. Yeah. Camps for, uh, possible starting athletes. Uh, both convened.

It's such a funny, I mean, it's like college, I guess in general. I, I, so I never really left like, I never went home for summer. When I was in college, I was either like worked a job or like took an internship or something like that. And so my first year between, uh, between first year and second year, I was like kind of near campus

and I was around that. And I had some friends. You was in California though. Right? I know. Okay. What was it going to do? Going to go home?

What was it going to do there? But I'm saying like you were at home. Yeah. I mean, I'm home, but I'm not home home. All right. Fine. I was not living at my parents place. That's what I'm saying.

Cooler than me. I could go back every summer and sleep in my little basement of my parents house. So right on Liger. No, but I was going to say that makes, see that, if I think if there had been more, more of a distance and it wasn't like such an easy trip for me, if it wasn't like an hour or 15 drive for me to get home

from UCLA to Lakewood, California, like, although my parents actually ended up moving uh, to San Pedro after I moved out immediately. They were like, we got to get out of this cursed house. And they like, they try to, and they also, they try to, they try to get out of this cursed house. Something's wrong with the child we raised here. And also they try to lose you.

Yeah. They moved out and then didn't tell you. No address. And you just showed up one day. Hi. Well, he's back. You found us. I went back to my old, my childhood house and there's like,

there's no YGAS here. This is an old time mulch shop. So I, but I, but there was a, there were like summer camps that would go and stay in the dorms there. And I was living in an apartment off campus, but I had friends who were like living on, they had a few designated dorm floors for people who like still, still lived there.

And these high school kids would come and they were so fucking horny. They were like just fucking each other all the, these camps were just like fuck camps. And I was like, I was outraged. I was like, what is going on? Yeah, I, I don't like that. Yeah.

I disagree with them being fuck camps. And to correct you. If I, if I had been there, I would have created some sort of bubble that would have levit like an electronic robotic bubble that would have lifted me above campus into the air. And I looked down at the kids and go, TISC TISC. It's a Dr. Manhattan move.

Yes. We should stop. They all stop. Wow. Dennis Cooverman does stop. It's 2003 somehow. To correct you. It was actually my high school,

my future high school that we did. So you were in middle school going to high school. I was in like maybe elementary slash middle school. Oh, that's fine. Yeah. That's, that's okay. Yeah. I would say the best years of your life

the summer times between. I agree with that. They feel like they last forever. 12 weeks feels like it goes on for an eternity. A day feels like a lifetime. And a lifetime feels like a lifetime. And then you go back to school and it feels like so much time has passed.

It feels like things are completely different. That sounds like you're just quoting boys of summer right now. Lager, you were the ghost writer on boys of summer. Yes. I'm just saying. The other day I saw a Bosefie's sticker on a Cadillac. A what sticker? I don't know what was it?

What is it in the original song? A dead head sticker. Oh, dead head sticker. But what did you say? Bosefie's. What is Bosefie's? I said different. I think that's from a Primus song.

Oh, I like it. Remember as the Atari's covered. They said black flag sticker, but I knew that wasn't what you were referencing. Oh, that sucked. But there was a emo band that covered boys of summer in their early oddies. Yeah, that was it.

The Atari's. Yeah. Oh, that's what you meant. I'm sorry when you said it, I thought you meant you played an Atari game that had that song on it. I never got that clarification. The most advanced Atari game that plays boys of summer.

They said black flag. Yes. You're right. You're right. Have you ever guys ever heard the Atari 2600 Ghostbusters theme? I wonder if I can find it. No, I'd love to hear it.

It's so fucking bad. Is it like. This is not what it sounds like. It's like worse than that because it had like one. Let's see if this let's see if this video even has a Nintendo one even sounds like that. Sounds accurate so far. And that's it.

It's like a Nokia ringtone. That was from Ray Parker the third. Paul, so speaking of going home. Do you go home for the holidays? Is that normally your. I know you're a family man. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. You Jonathan Taylor Thomas it.

You know, that's funny that I would mention Jonathan Taylor Thomas around the Thanksgiving holiday because my first year in LA. I'm not using this as a way to back into an anecdote. This is true. Right. When you said home for the holidays, it made me think JTT and then it made me think.

When if I ever had any JTT crossings in LA. Don't get your hopes up. But once on a Thanksgiving night, my two friends and I, we were like, oh, let's go out to eat. There's no places open on Thanksgiving night. So we went to Mel's diner. Oh, yeah.

On Santa Monica. I like Mel's. Yeah. One of Rip Taylor's favorites. RIP. But Rip Taylor would go there all the time. RIP Taylor. He would like that.

He threw up a big bucket of confetti right now. Rip Taylor ruled. It was such a funny, weird guy. He's great at the end of Jackass. He's great into the jackasses. Let's hear for Rip Taylor. He's great. It was awesome.

But when we got out of Mel's diner, we saw like a hot Corvette with the license plate JTT. Wow. And my friends and I automatically assumed wrongfully, Jonathan Taylor Thomas is probably a huge asshole who drives around with his initials on his license plate on Thanksgiving night. It's not true.

Yeah. He doesn't seem like that guy, but we followed the car for many blocks. Wow. In hopes of like getting next to him and being able to look at JTT and he drove, whoever it was drove off too fast and we couldn't catch him. Wow.

My friend Nate was out here for, my friend Nate was out here just visiting Nate White. Do you just call him Nate? I call him big brother. Honestly, if you want to know what I call him. Wow. And like the 1984 way. He's a good guy.

He's a great guy and his wife Jackie and I was like, that's Tom Arnold and he was like, oh my God, that's Tom Arnold. And then he went to take a turn to like go into the gas station. Tom Arnold was in and got sideswiped and the rental car was like destroyed. And then we pulled into the gas station because the car was destroyed and the guy was there, not Tom Arnold and he was, and he was like, and the guy was like, I didn't see anything.

That's what he said. He's like, I didn't see anything. He got to his car. The Tom Arnold guy. No one was hurt though. It doesn't seem like no, no, we were fine. Okay. Great.

Did your friends say, my wife's is the name of your fictional sister-in-law, Jackie. Did he say that? Yeah. No, of course he did. And what did John and Taylor just say? That's good.

Tom Arnold was very, he was a, oh, Tom Arnold. I'm sorry. Yeah. Jonathan Taylor, Thomas Arnold was what those two stories are. Before and after wheel of fortune. The wheel of, oh, that is, wait, before and after is, wait, is it before and after Jeopardy and wheel of fortune? I thought it was only wheel of fortune.

I thought so too, but they might do it on both. Oh, because it's a category that's before and after. Yeah. It's like this home improvement child star likes to fuck Roseanne, second husband, Jonathan Taylor, Thomas Arnold. He likes to fuck Roseanne's second husband. I watched the most embarrassing, and we could talk about other things,

but I gotta tell you, I was, I went down a hole on YouTube of really the most embarrassed, I'm like, blushy thinking about it, like a home improvement, like, do you remember they would do this thing that it was like, now we're going to bring out the tool band, and we're going to play a song. And it was like talking heads, like burning down the house.

Oh yeah. Oh boy. Oh man. It's more embarrassing than anything you could imagine. Don't watch it, don't watch it. Okay, well, Tom Arnold is a nice guy, by the way. He held the birthday boys out in later times. That's right.

Yeah. He invited you guys to do a show. Yeah. Yeah, we did. We did. We did. We did some of those. We did some of those sunset Boulevard clubs.

We did the laugh factory and the old those with Tom Arnold. Oh, it's a tough environment first for anything, but stand up in those venues. Bob Saget was mean to me. Yeah, because we did the sketch. We did the ropes and underwear where we come off stage naked. And he was like, huh, it kind of was like, oh, that's like what you got to do to get a laugh.

Kind of it wasn't those words exactly. Oh, Mr. Filth himself. I know. The clown prince of dirtiness. He's wagging his finger. He goes for his big ball. Yeah. And Steve was there and he had just started to stand up that night.

I remember it was a very strange night. I was going to say that I could maybe get into Disney for free because I look so much like Heimlich from Bugs Life. Big caterpillar creature. Big caterpillar. And then also I have this wager to play. This is this is the nest. That's the ghost.

That's the that's the Nintendo version. You know, there weren't a lot of NES games with any sort of digitized speech. So that's not bad. Oh, so you think that's good. Okay, interesting. I think it's good. Skate or die.

Yeah. Die, die, die, die, die. That was the only other vocalization I knew of. Yeah. They want to jump into even through the 16 bit era. It wasn't very common. And then all of a sudden you turn on Sonic and say, comes on and blows your socks off.

I got. I was pissed. I was pissed that day because they won the they won. They won the battle. They won the battle. It was like seeing Sputnik orbiting above the North America. You're like, oh boy, look at that flashing light. Some Russian dog named Sonic was floating around.

He's going to die up there. He's going to die in his floating tomb, but it's still progress. You know, that's what happened to that dog. He died. He died. Yeah. They sent him up there. They knew it was a one way ticket.

They're like, we're going to send this dog up there and he's going to be up there until he runs out of oxygen. Yeah. That was from a common deer cat. Meow, meow, send him up now. Meow, meow, let me do the blast off. Meow, meow. The thing with common, the thing with common deer cat is if

he could just cut the meows out of his feet. Yeah. Yeah. He's a very bad spy. I mean, it's impressive that he can talk at all. I'll give him a pass on the occasional me house. Oh, man. Oh, but I didn't answer your question.

I don't, I've never gone back home. I don't think for Thanksgiving since I graduated high school. Wow. Yeah. Like in college, I would, I would live a real Dutch experience. Remember the movie Dutch? Of course. With that O'Neill, right?

Yes. And everybody goes home for the holiday and he sticks around. Maybe more of a Halloween H2O kind of experience where the kids all go off from the academy. Yeah. And then they hang back when I was, that is, that's during Thanksgiving, right? Uh, is it or no?

No. No, it's sweet Halloween. Oh yeah. That would be quite a twist if a Halloween movie was set on Thanksgiving. I was, I was doing Thanksgiving movies. I thought that like a weird horror movie like that came up. Thanksgiving.

Thanks. Killing. Yes. Um, if the, if the, it would be an interesting twist. If one of the Halloween movies was like, like, well, we made it through that Halloween safe and sound and then Mike Myers like just chills. Michael Myers and comes out pops up at Thanksgiving and then

that's when everyone's like freaked out. He's wearing a big turkey mask. My friend, uh, uh, DJ, uh, Tanner. No, no, I would never do that to you. It was DJ Rex. Clearly. DJ Rudin.

He was so funny. What's, uh, in high school, I saw him and he was like, oh, I watched Judge Dredd last night. Judge Dredd was on TV. I was like, oh yeah. And he was like, yeah. And you know, in the beginning they showed Judge Dredd like solve one case at the very beginning to let you know he's

good at what he does. Right. And then he was like, then he went on his little Judge Dredd adventure for the next hour and a half, two hours. And then DJ said, I thought it'd be really funny if after the big adventure was over, after that was said, he just solves one more case like at the beginning. And now anytime I watch any movie where they show the first

time and it's like, this is what he does and he's good at it. If like the last 10 minutes was like, yeah, and he did it again. What are you worried about? He's good at a job. Like if that was the end of Minority Report, he just gets one more Minority Report. One more pre-cut. Prime, prime solved.

Well, we've got these, we've got the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, but you know what? We're not too far from Christmas and we've got a Christmas themed slurpee. We're going to taste test here. Let me get the name of this one up because the day after Thanksgiving is basically Christmas begins. That's true.

Christmas slurpee is going to be on everyone's lips and this Christmas list, Christmas list and this Christmas. Imagine if you woke up Christmas morning and you unwrapped a gift and slurpee was in a box. Just loose slurpee fluid. It's too loose. That's like it. Step parents.

What? We filled it up this morning. My stepdad is Matt Besser. Right, Daniel? This is Mary Mashup Mountain Dew, a limited edition holiday dew in slurpee form. So I've got one big slurpee with three straws on. I don't think the pilgrims are bringing this to Thanksgiving,

okay? You know what? That cadence reminds me that because you brought up Dutch, there's a Dennis Miller joke from the MTV movie awards that stuck with me at one point in the show. He just sort of like goes in between presenters and this is like breaking news. Dutch is now available on laserdisc.

I love when really terrible jokes that those comedians have likely forgotten. Yes. Have lodged into the braids of the person listening to them. The one I always think about is Paul Reiser did Clinton's inauguration. Oh, yeah. 92 and then 93.

And he was like, hey, what? The president gets his own theme song. This is the only guy who gets his own theme song. I'm doing Jerry Seinfeld's Paul Reiser. He was like, it's not like the dentist has his own theme song. I am the dentist. I'm here to pull your teeth out. All right.

So we remember jokes. That's all I'm trying to say. Dick Gephart just sitting there stone face. I did get my teeth pulled out. I called into Dennis Miller's talk show when the birthday boys was coming out and I did a bad job and he like didn't like me. It was strange. You had to be like, like his radio show, his radio show.

What were you supposed to do? You were on like as yourself. I was on like as myself. Yeah. So they were like, he was like, Mike Mitchell from the Mike Mitchell from the birthday way. So tell me a bit about it. And then I was like, it's Bob Odenkirk producing.

He's like, how is okey-dokey Kirk? That's gay. And I was like, he's good. And then he was like, what do you think about like the red socks? It's here. And I was like, well, I think that they are they have it. And I like went into like a big long wrong lamb. Yeah.

Rambling thing. And he was like, okay, babe, see you later. I'm up the phone. Now let's talk about the urgent need to renew the Patriot Act. Paul, we're going to let you try this Christmas slurpee first. Yes, please. I'll do the blue straw. Paul, like, like, like midget acted like he got bad.

He did. Which is very funny. It was funny. Like Mitch, you are a I'll let you take the sip. I'm going to ask a question while you're sipping like Mitch. You are a good Catholic boy. Do you do go to church for Christmas? Wow.

I do. Or did you when you do still? Okay. I was expecting you to ask, do I go to church? I was going to say period, but it's actually, do I go to church? Question mark. And I do. I go back when I'm back home.

We go to a nice darkened church for Christmas Mass. You know, the thing I had a priest who my sister, my oldest sister, Amy and I would always laugh at not always because it only happened twice when we were, when I was in my early thirties, but he would go Christmas is about the passion, the raw, hot passion of Christmas. What the hell? He's like, we get all lost in the gifts, but it's all about the passion. Get me out of here.

Yeah. That's, I've told, I've said it on this podcast before, but it was right after spotlight and the priest was, the priest was saying that we have to support the priests in their time of need at the last Christmas Mass that I remember going to. And I told you that big Jim Ryan led Micahson scoop out of the church and he was pissed off during, during the mass. That's great. As a sign of like, Hey, we're not going there.

Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And they left during the, during the mass. Wow. It was tough as a, as a person raised Catholic to have any sort of critical opinion about the movie spotlight. Right. Cause it seemed like it came from a defensive position.

Yeah. I know what you mean. Uh, my wife's Jewish and she was raised Jewish. And so after we saw a spotlight, I was like, I just thought they could have given a stronger female character. Uh, what twenty three years of, uh, I'll tell you, you want to get like a Brigitte by seeing me. You want to want to hear my thoughts on spotlight?

It's more fantastical than the Lord of the Rings series. These nice priests. Okay. Uh, no, it was a monster story to watch. Yeah. Yeah. It happened right near me too. It was well done.

It was what we went. What was the movie that came out right after there was a Spielberg made a spotlight about something else? Lots. Oh, that's a lot. He made a lot. And it was about a parking lot that had some anger issues, really mad parking lot. It's voiced by Paul Giamatti.

Sounds like a Christine sort of movie. It was kind of, yeah. Talking to the post. The post. That's what it was. Yeah. The post. And I, you know what?

I really like a newspaper movie. Yeah. A movie about. We texted about our love. Yeah. We were talking about the paper. Remember the paper's fun. Oh, yes.

Newspaper movies are there. It's always cause it's always like pursuing a story and they're real stakes, but they're also like, it's not. I mean, it sometimes can be life or death. If it's a journalist, you know, pursuing, depending on the story they're pursuing, but it's, it's, it always feels like there's urgency behind it. I like it. I wonder if it's a, I started this with the lilt of comedy, but I'm making a true

point that I wonder if like journalism stories that are interesting because as someone who writes in the media to see that experience elevated to like, ooh, this has actual stakes. It's not just, I go in and I write some jokes. Right. It's like, ooh, it's kind of fun to see. What if the stuff had. What if I, what if my work had any consequence?

Well, I, I mean, all those people suck cause their work has consequences. We hate them cause the work has consequences. It's fun to be silly. It's true. But the reason we were texting. Yeah. And let's just get this out on the table before we get in the podcast cause I think we need to clear the air on Halloween night.

You guys were texting some silly jokes to me. Oh yeah. And maybe the first time I've ever in front of either of you, I've ever gotten a little hot out of the collar and it was just a text that you didn't even have to see my face. I think I wrote guys, I love you, but I'm trying to give my daughter a bath and it's a long Halloween. Yeah. And then like two days later, I looked back at the text and I felt so bad, but it wasn't

even in polite. It was totally reasonable. Like it was fine. Like we were just kind of, I haven't pulled up. Can I tell you? Can I tell you what Nick and I were talking about? Yes. Yeah.

Get the transcript. So imagine me trying to read these texts and open my phone with a wet finger, but I can't. Your daughter's been probably hyped up on Halloween candy. Yes. I said, 365 days a year. I prayed to God to grant me Beetlejuice's powers and Halloween is the day it just gets rubbed in my face.

That has been 37 years and I am powerless. And then Weiger said, Beetlejuice is gross. And I said, excuse me. And he said, he's cool, but he's gross. Like the mask is just cool. Okay. Oh, okay. Cause why?

Cause he farts and he said, I mean, yeah, he seemed smelly and unclean. And gross teeth. He's probably got bad breath. And I said, he's dead dude. And he says, that's an explanation, not an excuse. And I said, yeah. It's true. And I said, the mask's breath smells like roses.

And I did an eye roll emoji. And I said, also the mask isn't cool. And he said, sure thing, Mitch. And I said, and I did say, sorry about this, Paul, about Nick. And then you said, you noticed a leg in my reply. And then Nick, you said he loves it and he's on my side. He's texting me separately. And I said, I don't believe this.

Paul loves Beetlejuice. I love him too, but he's gross. I can love a gross monster. He's cool. And then Paul, you said, guys, I love you, but I got to stop. I got to stop. I got a kid screaming in my face in the tub. My fingers are too wet to text.

My fingers are too wet to text. And then Nick said, hello, sorry, buddy. And I said, sorry with the gritting teeth emojis. Both of those texts are burned in my mind of, this is what happens. When you send an angry text to your friends. Well, then you did. And then Mitch texted me separately. What the fuck is this problem?

And then Paul, you said, hey, dude, you texted this later, like a week later. Hey, I want to circle back and say I'm sorry. And then we said, no problem, dude, but you still haven't weighed in on who is cooler. And I still did it. And then you said between Beetlejuice and the mask, I'll just be safe and go with everyone's favorite, the shadow.

Yes, funny joke. Good choice. I really wanted the shadow to be good. So I like kind of willed myself into thinking that it was good. Both the reason I chose those, they were both summer of 94. Right. We were in the mask or the shadow. Remember everywhere, kids were like, who's team are you on?

Do you mask or team shadow? Everybody remembers that summer. You know, I was just thinking about that is difficult to convey to young people is just how huge in the nineties, the Adams family was the Adams family was so fucking popular. It was like the Adams family was like Batman. It was like on the same level. Yes.

They made two Adams family movies that were as big as the two Batman movies. And the first one sucked. The first Adam family. Yes. Oh, dude. Interesting. Well, that's how I felt guys.

I haven't rewatched it. I like the second one. I like it was really good. And when I in the theater, my experience was, Oh, this first Adam's family isn't good. I'm kind of let down. This was really built up for me. And then the second one I saw and I had a grand old time,

the box office disagreed. The first one wasn't hit. The second one wasn't. The second one wasn't a hit. Yeah. I was convinced it was a huge movie. Yeah. That's crazy to me.

That's a, I know that the Super Nintendo game was good. Yeah. The pinball pinball was good. No, no, the, the side scroller, the side scroller. Oh, you're thinking the sides. I was thinking of fester's quest,

which was the overhead which might have been for any. I played that, that side scroller for Super Nintendo quite a bit. Yeah. And then the, but have you, have you played the pinball, the pinball is good. Yeah.

The pinball is a good game that I have fester's quest. Yeah. And then the, the atoms family when it came out a couple of years after it came out or our gym teacher, did you guys ever have the experience of like a teacher starts talking to your classroom. And you can tell they just got done talking to other teachers

that they're kind of like warmed up and other talking a little bit more, not like dirty or loose or anything. It's just like, they're a little bit more friendlier. And I remember a gym teacher like started off the gym class and he was like, who remembers the atoms family? And we're like,

just came out as a movie a year ago. You don't, you're not aware of this. So we'll just sit here and pretend this wasn't recreated as a movie. But then he was getting all the details wrong. So, and we knew they were wrong. So it was like,

and who remembers that he put up his hand and the name of the hand was thing. Yes. And he went, who remembers hand. We all looked at each other like, nobody's going to correct them.

Well, this stuff deals to Garfield because the greatest confusion ever by one of my teachers. I love, I love this. I know this and I love it. I feel like I probably said it on Doe Boys before. You may have,

but people will love to hear it again. If they haven't, they'd love to hear it for the first time. Did we use it as a reference on comedy, the TV show? We very well may have. Yeah. So this,

my door already exists, but a real quick, in junior high, I had a science teacher. And I had an English teacher who had a picture of Garfield with books tied to him. And the poster said Garfield was saying, I'm,

I'm learning by osmosis. And the joke was like, I'm tying books to me so I don't have to read them. I just learned by osmosis. And then our science teacher was teaching us osmosis. And he said, it's, you know,

osmosis, it's like the poster in the other room. And we're like, huh? It's like, you know, with the books, and he starts laughing because he thinks the poster's funny.

And he goes, the little orange kid, the little orange kid with all the books tied to him. You're like Garfield? He thought Garfield was a little orange kid. So apparently I was educated by some real pop culture, illiterate teachers. I don't want to,

I hate to guess this, but that man's dead now. Right? No. I think he's alive. Wow. But it seems like only a man that clueless would have to be like 92 years old when he said that to us.

In a mental hospital talking about the orange kid. It's normal. It's normal. Here's the, here's my thing. The thing that really puts that story over the top for me is that even if you don't know Garfield as an intellectual property,

how do you look at a drawing of Garfield and not know that it is a cat? What about him? His child? Yeah. Whiskers. Naked. Do you think there was a,

there was a naked boy holding books? I like your light of the day. I like your light of the day. There was a naked boy holding books. I like your light of thinking with this like, or let's think of what made him think that was a child. Yes. And I'd like to think by science teacher when he grew up,

his neighborhood best friend was a naked orange kid with Whiskers. In a tail. In a thick tail. He's like, that's an orange kid. My best friend. Had no good boy in his tail. Well, the slurpee was bad.

We never really said it. Oh, I liked it. To me, it just tasted like cherry. It tastes like a machine. Hmm. I just, to me, it just tasted like cherry. It was like Linda Hamilton. After her first date with the Terminator.

She went on a date with the Terminator. She kisses the Terminator. Yes. That night was originally Terminator two date night. I liked it. I mean, it's a little water melody. Yeah. To me, I just tasted cherry.

I see. Is there. I couldn't tell what the flavor is supposed to be. It's very slurpee. It's very ambiguously just Mary. It's not like anything. Anything identifiable to me. It just, it's just red.

Turn my tongue red. Yeah. It definitely has some. Your tongue was black. Black as night. My tongue is a snake now. Beetlejuice. Sorry.

My breath stinks. That was his catchphrase. Beetlejuice is cooler than the mask. Yes. I think that Beetlejuice is better than the mask. But I think as far as like a, a cool dude. I think the mask is cool. The mask isn't cool.

I think if Beetlejuice is like as a friend, you'd want the mask. You'd want to bring the mask to a party. Right. If you. I'd rather bring Beetlejuice. He's funny, but people would be like, who's this weird smelly guy with bad breath with.

Yeah. So people say that about me. I'm cool. Beetlejuice is a perfect film though, huh? It's really good. The mask is a piece of shit. Yeah. The mask isn't great.

Although just star Cameron Diaz, my high school alumni. Yeah. Whose name you say strange always. I think I say it normal. I would trust you above anybody. No, how about that? You know, and who went to the same school as her?

If Laura Dorad from my high school had become a hot big movie start, everybody was like, Laura Darede. I'm like, Lord Dorad. I do her. Did you know Cameron Diaz? No, she was much older than me. Yeah. Okay.

I think she was older than my older brother too. Hmm. Yeah. She was, she was 19 when the mask came out and that movie was, she's just right. She's a good man. Did your brother go to the school at the same time as her? No, I think, I think she was older than my older brother.

So she would have graduated 92. It sounds about right. Yeah. Maybe she was older than that when the mask came out, but no, no, she was, she had been like, there were stories of her being there, but she wasn't. And now she's retired, which I think is a real cool. Is she actually retired from acting?

I think essentially like Julia Roberts did this like 10, 15 years ago. And then a big one is Audrey Hepburn. Oh yeah. It was like, or the big, big one is Grace Kelly, I guess, or somebody goes, you know what? This kind of sucks. Right.

I'm going to go spend the rest of my life wearing nice clothes and enjoying myself. Yeah. Enjoying myself. You know who I liked who did that? The actor who played Andy Sipowitz on NYPD blue. Oh yeah. What the, oh what the,

Dennis Franz. Dennis Franz. I just watched his, for some reason, I got into like Dennis Franz's last scene on NYPD blue and I watched it. I was never, I don't think I ever watched a pull episode of NYPD blue, but it made my little lower lip tremble. It was very moving.

Just in the two minutes I watched it, I was like, oh God, Sipowitz is moving on. He's a good actor. Oh yeah. The best. What was his, what was his like, how did his character arc resolve? Like did he, did his character die?

What happened? He explodes. But he plays it super real. It's just like super. You believe it. I think I'll be moving it. It's just like giant explosion. Oh, and there's like slices of pizza on people.

That freak was eating pizza before he came in here. And then they did this weird ABC tie in where the pizza landed on Urkel and he was like, just enough cheese. It's like, oh God. It landed on her. It landed on Urkel and he said, just enough cheese. So barely matters started exactly at that moment. Yeah.

You know, it takes me to Chicago and NYPD blue takes place in Chicago. Should we try these holiday M&M's? We have another holiday snack. We're going to try again. I had a peanut M&M earlier, so I'll be able to. Oh boy. Actually, I don't think Paul should be able to taste them

anymore. I think you can be a, hey, can give us an unbiased take. In the same day that he's had peanut M&M's. Yes. I think that, I think he, oh no. Oh no, I was wrong. Oh, it's stinky. It's burning.

It's burning all my tongue. Wiger. I forgot that M&M's, it's like the time cop principle where you can't have two of the same thing in the same place at once. If you've eaten an M&M earlier in the day and you have another one, matter can't occupy the same time. I just had one M, but then I had a second M.

Oh boy. Oh boy. I don't like these. I hate mint. These are holiday mint M&M's. Yeah, mint's not that fun. Mint sucks. And I think I've said it on this podcast before.

Oh, oh, you want me to eat candy? Oh, it tastes like toothpaste. Thanks a lot, dickless. I agree. This isn't good. I mean, I have some mint chocolate combos I'm okay with. I do like a good mint chip, but this is not a good execution of it.

No. When you're saying dickless, are you speaking specifically to the M&M guys who are dickless? Yeah, I checked. M&M guys actually all have cloacas, so. What's that? You know, the bird like an organ that's a dual purpose for urination, defecation.

Humans should have that too. Yeah. Just put on one tube. Give me one orifice. If I could pee out my butt and just have... My wiener's just for like, nothing. For nothing? For nothing, yes.

That's what I meant. Nothing, the honey. Yeah, leave it to God to put a recreational facility through the sanitation. I heard a guy say that in college. I was like, fuck you, you're not my friend. He was also the guy who after a play rehearsal, we were walking back to the dorms and he was like,

oh, it's almost 10. That's good. I still have time to make friends. I was like, what? And then he meant friends comes on at 10 o'clock, so he still has time to make it to watch friends. Oh, no. But true words have never been spoken.

This guy reminds me of me. Yeah, that's his name. What, did you... We're always trying to make friends? Yeah, but in the real way. With snowmen. You'll be Rachel. You'll be Ross.

It was Ithaca. That is... I've said this to Wagner before, but I remember at orientation, I was with like a group of guys and we didn't go to like the orientation thing, which I just should have gone. But afterwards we all went outside and like the leader

of this group of kids I was hanging out with like went up to a girl. They had like glow sticks, like glow necklaces. And he's like, can I get your glow necklace? And she was like, sure. And then like every other guy did it. And then I didn't have one and they were like, Mitch, you're going to do it too, right?

Like you're going to ask a girl for the... And I was like, and it was that moment where I was like, I'm not friends with any of these people anymore. And I never hung out with him ever again. Camp's good for that reason though. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, you get that one. Camp? It was college.

Oh, okay. Okay. It was my freshman orientation of college. Previously I mistook college for camp, and this time I mistook... You got your camp and college mixed up. Oh boy. Isn't that the fucking dorkiest shit on earth?

Yeah. Well, yeah, I know people doing that sort of shit is kind of like, all right, you try and do it. It also sucks. I was just... And I heard Norm MacDonald talking about it. He was like, somebody at Larry King was like, Norm, you must have been the class clown.

And Norm MacDonald was like, no, I tried to make jokes, and nobody laughed. And then I'd look at the guy who was making jokes. I was like, he's hack. He sucks, right? And I was like, that's probably his experience for most people is... No, for sure.

He's constantly surrounded by unfunny people. Well, yeah, because it's like... Class clown in middle school or whatever is just like, all righty then. Just referencing other things. It is really good. Okay, so let's talk about Garfield's Thanksgiving. Should we rank the slurpee in the...

Quit bullshitting and talk about Garfield's Thanksgiving. We have some business to take care of here. I'll quickly rank the slurpee in the M&M's just for... Because I need to. A slurpee is better than the M&M's. Slurpee is better. Slurpee is better. All right, but then I was going to say,

should we give them turkey feathers or something? Sure. I'll say the... We'll give these Christmas themed snacks turkey feathers. I will give these slurpee three turkey feathers and the M&M's one turkey feather. Yeah. I'm going to say two and a half feathers for the slurpee

and half a feather for the M&M's. Wow. And this is on a scale of one to one feather? Yeah. How many out of one feathers? I'll say one feather for the slurpee and one feather for the M&M's. All right, great.

So if you're maintaining the turkey feather spreadsheet for Doughboys, go ahead and update your rankings there. So Garfield's Thanksgiving was released in 1989. I thought this was older than it was for some reason, but this came out in... I've read that before. I thought this was older.

Mitch is drinking more of the slurpee. And Chase did it with those M&M's. He's dropping M&M's into the slurpee. They won't go through the straw. Directed by Phil Roman, written by Jim Davis and Kim Campbell. Directed by Phil Roman. I mean, they do the Simpsons, Phil Roman.

I wondered when I saw Roman. I wondered if it is the same Roman. It's very possible. It was directed by Phil Roman. Oh, from Phil Roman. Oh, so Phil Roman must be its own little joke. Yeah, could very well be the case. The first couple of seasons of Simpsons,

I think it was the Rugrats people, the Cuscusbee, I don't know how to say their name. Oh yeah, Cuscusbee. Cusco. Yes. I know what you're saying. Yeah, and then they were like, you know what, these Phil Roman guys

seem to be a little bit more on the ball. Yeah. So they went over to them, right? But so... That's when I sound like this. Home or Simpson. Hey, Homer. How's Lisa doing at school?

Oh, Mo, she's beautiful, but Bart's always bothering her when she's trying to practice her saxophone. Oh, homie. Let me get you a beer on the house. No, not tonight. I got to go back to Marge and be a good dad. Sam Simons up in heaven.

Laughing. I wrote that. He brought my characters to life. Why is he watching Doe Boys? Well, that's interesting because John Hine had a very, you can look it up, like a fight with Sam Simon,

because Sam Simon was like, Hine, how dare you do a show about fast food places. You're encouraging people to eat unhealthy. John Hine comes back hard and goes, you created Homer Simpson. How can you even argue that? But anyway, I thought,

don't get Mitch and Weigar in the same room with Sam Simon. That's why I murdered him. Make sure that never happened. So I think I have an idea of why he'd be watching Doe Boys. He probably gets alerted any time about anything that's Doe related.

Time to tune in to the annoyed grunt boys. And it's actually based on the old World War II fighters who were the annoyed grunt boys and fly the planes, right? So we're World War I. So we're World War I infantry men. I think we're the Doe Boys.

Speaking of which, so we're getting into Garfield. Speaking of which, that'd be a good name for a podcast about sandwiches. That's true. That'd be great. Or maybe you guys have a little segment about sandwiches called Speaking of Which.

Oh, I think we just came up with it. I think I just came, question mark. Can you dig out of your mouth, Weigar? All right. Jesus Christ. My first question, my first note that I wrote down was, was John in the military? Because there's like weird, like, I mean, like Garfield tells Odie,

like he's like, come on soldier. There's just weird things in the beginning where and I was like, is, is, was, is John a veteran? I didn't know if he was a veteran or not a veteran. I mean, he might be. What, what era would? I don't know. He wouldn't have been in Vietnam.

He's like a little too young for that. Can I, can I say? I think he would have been Vietnam. You think so? Yeah. I think after he came back, after doing a tour in Nam, he got Garfield and Odie to acclimate him back. It makes sense.

If he's like 40 in 1989, then yeah, he might have been, he might have been in Vietnam. It makes sense. The, the theme song to Garfield is all along the watch tower. My second note is, my second note is Garfield wants coffee. Question mark.

That's a big, that's a key. That's a key attribute to his person. Garfield does like to drink coffee. Yeah. In the same way that he likes lasagna. You know, it's great. So he said pancakes, more cake, less pan. Right.

It was one of the, I'm sure everybody who's listening to this watch the show. So it's boring for me to repeat quotes. So in, so in the episode starts off in Garfield sees on the calendar that there's a vet visit. Yes. And then he makes Odie eat the,

that calendar page is today. He's supposed to go to the vet and then underneath it reveals that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. You kind of, you kind of blew past a couple of details, which is one that Garfield wakes up John, he's sleeping in his bedroom, then John breaks the fourth wall,

turns to Cameron says something, does not do it again. And then Garfield before he's about to come back, before he's about to kick Odie off the table. And he says this line before he sees the vet calendar, it's time to abuse the dog. Wow. Wow. That's not a play on it.

No, no, just violent. And then he, yes, go on. I just want to quickly say, Oh, you're going to say he goes on to, to check the calendar. Just the calendar takes the Wednesday, Wednesday as a, as a vet visit takes it off and the calendar says Thursday

and then it's Thanksgiving. And that's how that's established. I just want to say that after this, after I saw that I pushed pause. I went over to my calendar and every day that I'd written in, the cats have to go to the vet. They're a little bite marks. Wally and Irma had bit their day,

the days, the vet days out of the calendar. Oh, they've been missing their appointments. So this must be a cat thing. I found out why you were preparing all these Thanksgiving dinners mistakenly. Where are Wally and Irma? They're in my room in cages. Oh, good.

Do you feel, do you have a kinship with John? When you watch it as a, a little bit. Yeah. As, yeah, I, I, cat owner. Yeah.

Love her. And like as like, we're both dumb asses. I was shocked watching this, how dumb John is. He is a true dumb fuck. He is extremely stupid. Weigar and I were texting a little bit and we both hate,

I mean, I hated John. He is stupid. We were talking about a Homer earlier. He is stupider than Homer. He's dumber than Homer. He's very stupid. He is very stupid. Like he's not just like an absent minded guy.

He is truly just like dumb as shit. And why does he get away with it? Let me guess why he gets away with it. Cause he's so fucking hot. Oh, he's a fucking stud and Homer's a little, just a little bit overweight. So he's a dumb ass. Yeah.

John Arbuckle's a fucking dime piece. And so he gets away with murder. Can have an empty head just cause he's so fucking sexy. With that fucking, You know guys like John have it so easy. God, if only my nose was a thin slit on my face. And my hair slowly turned into black curls. The bottom.

No, John sucks. Yeah. And he's dumb. And I don't think I fully appreciated like, when I was a kid, I knew he was like a loser. Right. But like his level of loser dumb. Is he the best foil for Garfield?

I mean Garfield needs to be sardonic and put somebody down. So of course his owner needs to be somebody who's constantly giving him opportunities to put him down. Right. But I feel like John could still have an air of sophistication that Garfield could still get. Yeah. If it was like a Frazier type, then it would be, you know,

cause he could be like a stuffy sort of guy. But here he's just like a truly stupid guy who you kind of feel bad for cause he seems like he's having trouble even functioning. It would be better if John was like a Frazier type. Somebody who took himself too seriously and Garfield kind of takes the wind out of him because otherwise it just seems like Garfield in a term that I'm sure was rampant in 1989 is punching down. It's true.

Yeah, it's true. So after the Odie, Odie should flip up. Yeah. Odie should. Odie should be. Odie should be evil. Odie should be. I'm trying to fix the Garfield here.

Yes. Garfield should be or no, Odie should be toxic. It's toxic. I kind of like that. I think Odie being being happy go lucky kind of works because it is. Why do I think like he's because he's also a dog field. No, I don't think your fix is necessary.

I don't think you need to note Odie. Fine. Oh, no. Also, I don't want to fix Garfield and Odie. I want them to have kids and have more Garfield than Odie's. Fine. Normal. I just got what is quote unquote normal.

Do Garfield and do Garfield and normal ever get it on? I mean Garfield has a girlfriend Arlene. So I don't know if he fucks normal. I assume that he fucked Arlene. Okay. Easy. And Odie and Odie. Why?

I lied to you. They're a throw. It's a throwable situation. John and Odie. John and Garfield. John. John is John is peeking over his sheets that he's seeing Garfield. Fuck.

I always knew this episode was going to devolve some sort of Garfield is fucking John. I just wondered what it was going to have. He's peeking over the blankets, watching Garfield. Fuck Odie and saying I hope I'm not next. He raises the blanket back up over his head. So they so he shows the calendar to John. That reminds John that they have to go get groceries and that goes in the main

titles where you hear this theme, which I actually it's a little corny, but I kind of like it. I I told you that I didn't like the intro song and then in my notes, I have written down. I like the intro song. Well, here it is. Go to the grocery store to get lots of good things to eat. Come with you.

Do the mashed potato. Do the candy jam. Do the funky turkey cause it's time to jam. If you don't want to dance, baby, that's all right. Do some nonstop shopping to work up an appetite. Make your Thanksgiving one long meal. The more you eat, the more grateful you are going to be. It's a the more you eat, the more grateful you feel.

Yeah. Keep feet of that monster. This is a real. This cold open is indicative of how little happens in this special. Because a major plot point is they go to the grocery store. I will say the story terrain that is covered in this episode is very narrow. Yeah. It's crazy.

They go to the grocery store. Yeah. And then they have a car full of groceries, right? And then Garfield's like, where are we going? We're not going home. And then John's like, we're going to the vet. So that's the whole thing of like, he remembered to go to that. Yeah.

And then it goes out of the car and it shows the car on the road and Garfield screams and the car goes all around the road. Yeah. Why was the car going nuts? I think the idea is that Garfield was disrupting John's driving. Like he was like clawing at him or something like that. And the car was steering erratically, but it goes to that, that top down like grand theft auto one point, you know, perspective.

Yeah. And then John gets out and he pulls another guy out of his car. He takes the car. It goes from one star to three stars. And so the, so then he, they go to the vet's office. There's a nice little Easter egg here. The US acres pig is in the vet's office. And then the, it's roasting.

It's kind of fucked up. And then they go into, he goes to talk to Dr. Wilson, AKA Liz, his crush. You can only, she's, she's, she's looking like you can only see the top half of her head. Right. She's okay. Sorry. You're helping me. Yeah.

It's included by a fence. And so you think, yeah. Dr. Wilson probably wears one of those air, the mouth covers. Sure. That makes sense. Yeah. Things. Yeah.

He would have to. What was Wilson's job? Ballie ball. What? He's a volleyball. You know, my joke of in cast away anytime Tom Hanks would scream, Wilson, Wilson. Uh, the shot would get ruined cause his wife would walk on and go, what honey? To the island.

Yeah. It's funny cause she's, she's a professional actor with like a lot of credits. You'd think she'd understand that he was talking to the character, but just she had like a mental block in this, in this case. I thought you were going to say it's weird. She's an actress with a famous like they should have made it, uh, you know, not Wilson. They should have been spaulding or something. And then lo and behold, Tom Hanks, Mary's Jim Spaulding.

Okay. I don't know who cares. Who cares? So they, John asked for a date immediately from Liz, the veterinarian. This is very strange. And then can I just quickly say also like, why does John like this bet? She's truly a miserable person. She's very mean.

She never shows him any sort of, she never shows a nice side to him. She clearly is not interested in him. She reflects back to John, how he sees himself. They do look exactly the same. All the humans do look fucked up. They do have like weird cat faces. Um, but she, she, this episode turns into John wanting to fuck. Like we, like we thought it would.

It's John is very horny, but, but I don't know. He then, then he goes on and he holds his breath until she says, she'll go out with him. Yes. And when he's holding his breath, his face looks like a butt and his mouth looks like a butthole, which I think might've, I don't know if you guys picked up on this, but it looks a lot like butt cheeks. Like he's got big butt cheek, cheeks, and then like a little butthole mouth

and like kind of a crack too, cause of his nose. And I think that was probably an animator like sneaking something in. They knew what they were doing on the CBS airwaves. She says yes. Yes. And he lets go of his breath. And then also you quickly see a log of shit come out of his mouth. Yeah.

She agrees to go out with him. But here's the thing. He invites her. This is a first date scenario. He invites her. I thought that do two Thanksgiving. Your first date is Thanksgiving. She doesn't have other plans.

She's going to this guy's house. This is insane. It's wild. Also it's a Wednesday afternoon. And you haven't made your Thanksgiving plans yet. Yeah. What's going on? This is insane.

John is an idiot and she's an asshole. Yes. These two maybe deserve each other. Gone with the wind. That's the. That's true. That's true. Then maybe it is a good couple, but I immediately I'm not liking anyone.

But I wrote down Odie is a good guy. I guess Garfield in 1989 was already doing what prestige television is doing today. Complicated characters. You sometimes find them likeable. Mitch. What is this Garfield or a madman? I saw uncut gems last night. Oh, I heard.

And I saw a deal today and he said I saw a bitch. And I met Adam Sandler. Very right on. The auto. We had a very funny joke. What was it? The safty brothers were like we offered uncut gems to him in 2012. And then he was like, but I was doing a little movie called Nikki.

Yeah, that's very funny. It's not true. It was just the funniest title to say you got to meet him. I got to meet him. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. What was it like?

It was he was great. He was really nice and I told him I was in love and it's him. I said I'm in love with you just by meeting you right here. You pulled a John Liz many held your breath. And then I woke up in the hospital. No, I told him I was in the show love and he was very nice. Very nice about it. He was he was a I met him once.

He was a cool dude. That's so cool. Very cool. Love when a celeb is just a normal person. Yeah. So many are just fucking weird. So Garfield also as part of the scene go as he is told that he's overweight and he has to go on a diet.

So he got to go home. You heard that Garfield had to go on a diet. So he goes home. He gets half a lettuce leaf to eat and Odie is appointed. This is another military thing. Odie is appointed the diet monitor. He has a whistle to notify John when Garfield breaks his diet. Oh, and then we get to the talking scale sequence.

I was going to say this is this is the funniest segment in the movie. And it's like five minutes of a 22 minutes special is Garfield communicating with a talking scale. Yeah. I like that a lot. Yeah. And so they go on this long run because Garfield stays on like

the scale has like an AI. It's like a Siri. But then also imagine this is in the comic strip. Yes. The right talking. Yeah. The talking scale is part of it. The talking scale is in the comics.

Yeah. Oh, wow. And I also I thought that was a pretty they didn't stick to it, but it is a funny premise. Garfield has to go on a diet on Thanksgiving. Yeah. That's a that's a juicy, funny idea. That's a good premise.

That's a good idea that they almost immediately abandon. Yes. Also because John cooks horrible food. Yes. So it's kind of like Garfield be this isn't upping Garfield's desire to eat. Right. It's not like he got invited to Liz's house and she's a she's

preparing this amazing meal that he's going to buy Garfield. You could only eat half a left. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say this. They they say he's the the scale says judging by your weight, your Orson Welles, unless you make someone cousin, Orson Welles.

This was four years after Orson Welles had passed away. Yeah. So like interesting. So like a nine year old boy was watching the special with no awareness of who this guy is. And then they just spend all like just a long run of Orson Welles reference. This nine year old boy who's a huge fan of like the magnificent

like. Yeah. Does Orson Welles have grandchildren? Is there a chance that his like his grandchild was watching this this special and saw her run and saw her run on how his grandpa is recently dead grandpa is fat. Yeah. That's funny.

No way is my grandpa's fat as Garfield. The thing that they did that joke then at the end, the talking whatever starts at the end Garfield crushes it. He stomps it to death. Yeah. And then as it's dying, it goes rose. But yeah, which, you know, because they kept referencing Orson Welles and Citizen Kane.

I thought this machine's commitment to the Orson Welles joke of being like even with my last died breath, I'm going to get Garfield with my Orson Welles or I thought the alternative is they have their own personal Rosebud. And it wasn't a reference to Citizen Kane. Just like at the end, it was like something meaningful in the life. Yes.

I like that theory. Maybe they had a friend, Ro, had some really good weed. Rosebud. Okay. Grow up. So the some more bullshit happens. There's some madcap sequences with Odie. What were you say?

I know the bro versus way. Is that the row? It was all about who gets the stickiest of the icky is. I was just going to say that Garfield is going Garfield goes to the jars. Yes. And the jars are labeled cookies. Sugar flour.

And Garfield opens it up in Odie pops out of the cookies, and then he goes to the sugar. This makes sense. Maybe I just want some sugar. Odie pops out of it. Then he moves on to the flower. Odie pops out the flower jar, and then he goes to salt. Salt jar.

Because Odie's job is to keep. He's kind of like the security guard. He's to keep Garfield from eating. Yeah. While he's on this diet. So John is a dipshit and he's going to try to and he's annoying me with how he's cooking. He says the turkey has to be buttered.

He puts butter on his hands. Yes. Well, it's like you're supposed to butter the skin. He's like, okay, I'll do that. And he butters his own skin because it doesn't understand. It's the turkey skin. Yeah. He's got some real.

He's a fairly functional man. Amelia Bedelia syndrome. Yes. He doesn't have enough time to rest the turkey that he's frozen. So he puts it in for 500 degrees instead of 350 degrees. Hey, come on guys. Set that turkey to 500. Get your oven fries merch at tpublic.com.

Jesus Christ. And get your Garfield merch at pauseink.com. Check that out. If you guys are interested in Garfield and what's a merch. He completely fucks up dinner. Here's a thing. I always thought it was Pawsink. Pawsink?

I thought it was Pawsink. You didn't realize it was Paws, comma, ink. Yeah, I thought it was Pawsink. You're okay. He thought it was a plumber who likes animal feet. So here's what I want. End of the last 30 minutes, please. I just want to say something real quick because we're talking

about text week changes and week changed. And when we texted you earlier, Paul, to do the show, you replied, I just want to let you guys know. I guarantee there won't be any silliness. And I don't know if it's not just on you, but I don't feel like that's been followed. I just want to say Garfield Garfield tries to sabotage Thanksgiving.

Yes. And then he adds garlic to vegetables, which seems like a good idea. I don't get it. He's like, if I can enjoy veg Thanksgiving, nobody will. And then he dumps garlic powder on the unseasoned vegetables like that'll make it better. Okay.

So here's what I think Garfield. Can I give you my explanation? Yeah. Garfield thinks that John and his vet are vampires. He thinks they're Dracula. Oh, yeah. Got it. I think so because there was that this actually works

because there's that scene earlier where John and his say, let's look at ourselves in the mirror. Remember that? And then Garfield and Odie stand there and watch them and they don't see the reflections. Yeah. There's also the, cause when Liz is like, I'll come over for Thanksgiving, she's like, I hope you're not serving steaks.

And then they wink at each other. And then John is like, to be clear, we're talking about wooden steaks, right? And she says, yes, that's what I meant. The weapon that would kill us. Well, one thing this showed this episode definitely didn't have was steaks. You're not worried about the steaks of whether Garfield gets

to eat a meal. Well, I'm going to say this, that if you, if you think that John is a Dracula, it is cleared up moments later when he has a speech about being a man. Yes. He gives Garfield a speech about being a man and then he cuts himself shaving. It sucks.

Can I say also at two o'clock today from two to four 30. I went and saw a marriage story, which is great. To come home half hour later and sit down and watch Garfield Thanksgiving, the whiplash. There's a, there's a pride so much during Garfield. There's a close changing montage where John tries on so many outfits. He comes out as an ape and it doesn't look like a costume.

No, it looks like he just comes out as an ape. He also comes out and do an ape. He turns into Popeye too. He has like the Popeye forearms. It's kind of breaks reality a little bit. It's fun. And then he gets a little bit wine steamy and he answers the door in his box.

He forgot. He's absentmindedly forgot to put his pants on. Liz roasts him for it. Oh, here's a Garfield for not telling me yet. He didn't have pants on Liz also. Okay. So he, the, the vet visit was yesterday afternoon. It's Thanksgiving day.

One day has passed. Liz says to Garfield, who she prescribed the diet to, how is the diet? I see you're still the size of an aircraft carrier. Yeah. What a fucking asshole. Super mean, but also it's been one day. What do you expect?

Yeah. Yeah. And right. Like try to give some confidence to Garfield. There you go. Right. You're looking trim, buddy, but he's a cat. They can't hear him, right?

They can't hear him. They don't know his internal monologue. Okay. Yeah. That's also very, I mean, it's, I know it's the thing about Garfield, but it is weird that like they accept that they'll come in like with two symbols and wake them up, but speech is just a bridge too far.

I can say mean things to him and he won't, they think he won't understand that. Yeah. That's cruel. I actually start to feel bad for the vet here because the vet says then, you know what, like maybe you're like, like, like, if you're getting like, if you're getting messed up or feel like you're feeling tired or lethargic and then he does all these

different things. And you get and then it just says dementia and then he gets a dementia face, which is really straight. Yeah. And then there's a second inch or having problem breathing and then Garfield doesn't breathe and he looks like a butt too. There's another no breathing. Yeah.

That is. Yeah. But I was going to say that I some per the animation staff is like, let me draw the Caesar here. They can't breathe. That's okay. Jim Davis. Maybe we can give you what if your food hole was your waist

hole? Oh God. Colacus. He's a lot. We know. I was going to say that I actually start feeling bad for the vet because she says, you know what? Maybe you shouldn't.

Maybe you'll just do some light exercise and then Garfield kisses her. Yes. So I just want to say that she answers the door. John has no pants on and then this is the this is the weird things to me that within on this Thanksgiving day, if imagine if you went over someone's houses and their cat came up and kissed you, right?

Yeah. Later. Holds her hand. Yes. That's strange. That would be a weird Thanksgiving. He went over someone's house. Their cat kissed you and their dog held your hand.

Well, the way Garfield kisses her, too, he takes both of his paws. But when it's out of her face, yes, it gives her a full plan. It's like a full. Yeah. Full on. And then and then Odie holds her hand at dinner. It's very strange.

It would be very. Very strange. That's after napping on her lap, which is very cute. Odie likes the vet. Yes, it's clear. So I also thought Odie enjoyed Liz's presence and I felt for Odie where I'm like, he's in this fucking mad house. Right.

This idiot odor and this bully cat. He's just so happy to have any sort of warmth or kindness. Right. Yeah. So do you think the vet liked when Garfield kissed her? Do you think she's like into Garfield? I mean, I can only go by how Jennifer love Hewitt who plays Liz, the vet in the Garfield movies feels about Lorenzo music

to the voice of Garfield. And I think they dated for years. Right. I think just like just after John Mayer, that was her next boyfriend was Lorenzo music. What do you want to do? That's dating Garfield. First of all, your name is Lorenzo music.

Yet you're known for as a voice actor. How about that? He should be Lorenzo actor. How great is Lorenzo music though? He's great. I love his I love his voice. I love his the sort of monotone delivery. It's it's great deadpan.

So John has ruined his dinner because he's a fucking idiot. And so frozen kind of we don't we don't we don't know. Also the vet sitting silently with the clock ticking is funny while she's waiting for John. That's a funny moment. Garfield brings John a phone and tries to give him like spends a long time giving him hints to call his grandma. They should have more fun with the dinner being bad.

They just came back in the in the turkey was still just kind of the same thing. Yes, whatever. Yeah, it should have looked worse, but they get they just reuse the same art. Right. Grandma shows up and she is a spark plug. She's got a motorcycle helmet.

She's very cool. She says she'll handle everything. Oh, go ahead. No, you go. I just like that the grandma likes Garfield is all I was going to say. She's funky. What were you going to say?

Well, I just, you know, I heard granny's coming. Granny's coming. So I was expecting this old female to walk up to the door. But this lady rose up on a motorcycle. She subverts your expectations of what a grandma can be. My expectations of what a grandma could be. Paul stood up. She subverted my expectations of what a grandma could be.

Paul has taken off his headphones and he was walking around Mitch's living room. He's back at the mic now. It's okay. So. Are you all right? Okay. Yeah, I just had my expectations.

So. So, uh, John, so while grandma is fixing dinner, fixing Thanksgiving dinner with a chainsaw, with a chainsaw, John goes in and then just monologues. Yes. The monologue still is. Yes. And, and the joke is Thanksgiving.

Yeah. Thanksgiving. It's the joke is like he's trying to fill up the time. Yes. Yeah. I got to kill time. So I'm going to tell her I'm going to try to make up facts about Thanksgiving.

You know, I was just like mansplaining much. I actually thought that he gave some fun facts about Thanksgiving. This is the area where the sure of an informative special. I learned things about Thanksgiving. What did you learn? From a Massachusetts boy. I knew everything about Thanksgiving, but he gives some history. Sure.

He talks about Canadian Thanksgiving. It takes place in October. He does. It gives it gives Canadian. Mars just gave a thumbs up. Yeah. He gives. I think if you were a child watching this, I think Mars gave a rapid

up. A middle figure. Yeah. Well, John Arbuckle, of course, would have a strong connection with the pilgrims because before he came over here, his name was just James John R. Right. And then they went and they pointed at their hat and he went

like finished the last day. It's like John R. This is the pilgrims talking to John. Yes, you fool. Look at you understand. If he's a Dracula, he's been alive for hundreds of years. Okay. The Dracula stuff does come into play.

Yeah. Then they pointed at the buckle of their hat and he said, okay. So grandma to grandma fixes the turkey with a chain saw you pretending to be a pilgrim in the corn's giving sketch is very funny. Oh yeah. I was it. They put up the video online. He did.

He's so cool. And he put online the video of corn's giving. Oh yeah. But it was a night that I wasn't there. Oh, really? I felt real FOMO. That's a bum. Watching that video.

That wasn't the first one, right? Was that like the second one? Because Mookie's not in there. We did a few times. Yeah. That wasn't the definitive cut of corn's giving. That was the one without the full cast. Thank you for saying that, Mitch.

I just sort of blew a blue pass that. That was a nice compliment. It was very nice. Yeah. How do you pilgrim? What do you say? I come bearing corn or something like that. I don't remember what it is.

It's a funny pilgrim voice. If I, if the birthday boys and a kiss from daddy, all the sketch group members were there and I had to cast a pilgrim. You'd be the central cast seed for a pilgrim. Whoa. How about that? I can't think of anybody who. Yeah.

You're boring as hell, dude. You're like those old pilgrims. Oh, it's boring to come over on a ship. Oh, never mind. And start a country. I changed. Sorry. You're blessed state.

This is like my Thanksgiving special, where I learn. Weigar is cool for being like a pilgrim. We knew that also in that sketch, my dick turned into a corn cop. Yeah. That's true too. No, that's not a hundred percent true. You also pissed corn.

Also pissed corn nibbler. It depends on what year it is. So anyway, so he's doing this big monologue about Thanksgiving that perhaps has some informative nuggets. It still sucks. This falls asleep because she's so bored. And while this is happening, grandma makes a bunch of treats. She makes the turkey into turkey croquettes, which she deep fat fries.

Garfield's mouth is watering. She makes the sweet potatoes and layers them with marshmallows and Garfield loves it. She says the perfect table and then sneaks away without a word. And Liz is so impressed by the Thanksgiving spread that they just sit down and eat. And she's like, she's like profoundly moved. It also kind of looks like very plain when they show the table. It doesn't look anything too special, but I liked her by the end because she,

she hates John and I get why she hates John. Yes. I thought, but by the end, she likes John likes to cook the dinner. She agrees. She agrees to come back for Thanksgiving next year. Yes. I thought it was very weird. It's like, well, you guys got a lot of confidence about sustaining this

relationship. Right. And the grandma also says she's going to kick her ass basically if she doesn't date John. She's like, let her, if she doesn't date my grandson, let me know and I'm going to set her right or something. Well, that was actually one of those moments when I was watching this of kind of like art imitating life or they're holding up a mirror to my life because I was like,

there's been so many times on Thanksgiving where my grandma tries to get me laid. Yeah. It's very, we can all relate to that when you're saying, when they're saying grace at the Thanksgiving dinner and what they're saying before. Yeah. My grandma will lead over to my wife and be like, Paul is good at those pants. If that doesn't work, what's gonna. So during the, during the meal, another, which another full song plays and it's just

a very serious song. It just shots of the four of them. I know, I know, I know that you want to wrap it up. I know I can feel you wanted to wrap up. No, I just had the song queued up. Go ahead. I felt like they showed the grandma's form too much. Nick, I know you want to wrap up, but I guess I think that an older woman can be

beautiful. So I didn't do it. I think so too. What in the hell? I'm just saying that they were showing. They were really showing it off. I would just say, I feel like there's no age limit on feeling sexy. So I didn't bother me, but I'm with you.

Especially Garfield, who's probably in cat ears, like by this point, 49. Oh yeah. He's gone. Yeah. 89. He was 49 now. Who knows? He's probably.

Oh, he's dead. Let me. He's dust. I'm the series song. Why? I know you want to play. We have to talk about the quiet celebration. The grandma's form.

I'm talking about a time for counting blessings. Time to make a man. There's a feeling all around you. You can hold it in your. So that's basically it. And then there's a little coda where Garfield and Odie are both stuffed on the couch and John wants to take them for a walk, but they're too fat. And then there's a little reversal one.

Now they have to put Odie on a diet. Oh boy. And Garfield becomes a trainer. And by the way, that brings me to. That's like what's going to happen with you and I? Yeah. Eventually. I mean, I am getting fatter.

I think eventually we're going to switch. I'm tiny now. We're going to do Benjamin Button and meet in the middle. We'll be the same weight and then I'll be the fat one. And then you'll be the little one. Benjamin Button. There is a difference for the book version of Garfield's Thanksgiving that is notable here.

At the end of the book, there is no mention of any new diets. Odie and Garfield. Simply sit comfortably with their full bellies as John sees Liz out the door and the three agree unanimously that they have grandma to thank. So it's kind of a wholesome ending. I bet the fans of the book were outraged. Oh yeah. The choices adapters made.

Like if you're you're watching the Zack Snyder Watchman and the squid doesn't show up. John gets a kiss at the end of this. Yes. And they kind of do like a cut to kind of everything afterwards. My question is to you two who watch the special. Do you think John and the vet got it on after dinner or were they too full? Oh, gross.

I think they were too. I think because she leaves. I'm guessing they didn't get it on. Wait. Oh, you're saying before that kiss, they'd already got it on. I for me, I assume that they had eaten a full Thanksgiving dinner. And that was their first affection. I don't think they actually fucked yet.

Yeah. Can I say what I think? Yeah. I think that they did have sex and they made sure that Odie and Garfield were in the room. The door. We want you to watch. I was Odie.

I didn't like it because I like to imagine John is betrothed to Blondie. Dagwood's wife. I like to think John is cuckolding Dagwood from a different comic strip. Yeah. I didn't even realize they were the same universe. That's interesting. Well, it's a little bit like a toy story situation. Right.

And we put the Sunday funnies away and we go into the other room. The games. Beatle Bailey is cavorting with Hagar. The horrible far side is dancing with. The other titles I had to choose from and I chose the worst comic and then a cartoon. Mary Worth is sucking off jump start. Roses roses suck in Marmaduke. Okay.

Let's rate the Garfields Thanksgiving out of turkey feathers. I guess I feel bad because the one I said actually happened. He spilled the tea. You're going to hear from Marmaduke. That's for sure. Let's let's rate Garfields Thanksgiving out of turkey feathers. I mean, nothing happens in this special, but it is like I like that it's only 22 minutes. And I feel like a child would like this.

I feel like if I'd watch this as a little boy, which maybe I did and I forgot I would like it. Three turkey feathers. 22 minutes and a child would like it. The opposite of this episode. We did. We did talk about the special longer than they the special actually. That's true. I was counting down those minutes of the 22.

Oh, yeah. I did. I was like how many on a scale of what how many turkey feathers one turkey feather. I'll give it. Let me think what I'm going to give it out of one turkey feathers. I'm going to give it three turkey feathers. It's a turkeys happy about that. I get out of here. That's weird because we had to pull the turkey feathers off to demonstrate how

many there were. Yeah. That's actually the turkey. I'm going to. I'm going to cut its throat and eat it for Thanksgiving. Oh my God. What three turkey feathers three turkey feathers. You told me I was the next.

Wally you told you told the turkey that he was the next Wally like he was going to be in a Pixar movie. Oh, you don't know my cat's name. I know your cat's name, but the way he said it, I thought it was a bitch was kind of like, Hey, maybe Turkey, I'll make you the next Wally in the Pixar movies. Jesus Christ. Paul rest. Do you have anything you'd like to plug?

I liked. I like the special. I like the special. It was really good overall and I had a good time. Very nothing happens, but it's fine. It's like a Seinfeld. Yeah. The life of Seinfeld is very uneventful life.

Well, I have a podcast too. It's about horror movies. If you like horror movies, me and Matt Gordley do it. It's called in Voorhees we trust and that's about with Gordley and Russ and that's about Friday 13th and then we do in Myers. We trust with Gires and Russ and that's about Halloween. So Gordley changed his name to Gires for the podcast. Legally, he did change it.

It was a whole thing and I offered to change my name to Gires just to make it work, but then it did rhyme with trust. Yeah, that would be an issue. But we do have Jason on the show. Whoa, very cool. My best friend from Quincy, Justin Kiley loves that show. Yeah, that's very nice. Do it all the time.

Thank you. Shout out to Kiley and hey who told us that info at the pizzeri during the pizzeria Regina. That's right info. We probably should get into it now. Okay, he told us that the pizzeria Regina oven had Nazi symbols. Yeah, anyways, let's not get into that. Let's talk about. Let's talk about Dunesbury fucking Bloom County.

I feel like I'm an episode on an episode of the far side. I feel like I'm on an episode of the far side. Yeah, you know, it has new new episodes Monday through Sunday in the newspaper. Well, happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Many gobbles to all of you gobbles gobbles. And I know Thanksgiving is a time where we express what we're thankful for. I'm thankful for you guys as friends and I'm thankful for this podcast.

I'm thankful for you guys as friends too. I'm thankful for you guys as friends as well, but not the podcast. And thank you Mars for sitting. Thanks. You're welcome. Thank you. Great job. That's it.

That's this week. Don't be quietly going. Great job. Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble. That's this week. So much double bite. Yep. Hey, this is Mitch.

This is some post-show a post-show coda. I just want to say that. I was very upset in the special that they never mentioned lasagna, which Garfield loves. That's all. Thank you. Gobble gobble.