Doughboys - Doughlympics: Domino's v. Papa John's v. Pizza Hut with Michael Blaiklock

Episode Date: August 4, 2016

Actor and comedian Michael "Mookie" Blaiklock (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, Comedy Bang! Bang!) is in studio for a discussion of Massachusetts Dunkin' loyalty and to judge the pizza portion of the 2016 Doughlympic Susser Games. Plus: An exclusive bonus discussion of movie theater grub with film critic Lights Camera Jackson.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From roughly 800 BC through 400 AD, the ancient Olympics were convened every 4 years, gathering athletes from all over Greece for a multi-week, multi-event competition. During a millennia and a half hiatus, in 1894 the International Olympic Committee was formed, relaunching the games as a global tradition. Now, much like an eagerly buff evolving into jigglypuff and subsequently wigglytuff, the competition takes on its third form, a battle within the world of chain restaurants. Our first batch of combatants, Domino's, the largest global pizza chain, founded as Dominix in eastern Michigan, Pizza Hut, the largest domestic pizza chain,

and one-third of Yum Brands, and Papa John's, the number three pizzeria, created by its namesake and plasticine monster of capitalism, John Schnatter. This week on Doughboys, week one of the 2016 Doughlympic Susser Games, Pizza Division. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. We're a part of FeralAudio.com, the best way to support ours and other shows in the network is to use the referral link on our website anytime you shop at Amazon. I'm Nick Weigar, alongside my co-host, Thicke Moranis, Mike Mitchell the Spoon Man. Thicke Moranis, you know, I take that one as a compliment too. Yeah, it's a very talented actor. He's a great guy. I had a conference call with him once,

such a charming guy. Yeah, a conference call. I had a conference call with Rick Moranis, perhaps the peak of my shitty career, talking to a much more talented man in another state, and him ultimately declining to participate in the project I was involved in. Rightfully so, it sounds like. Yeah, it was the correct move for him. That insult was courtesy of Jesse Tiffin. If you have an insult you'd like me to use on Mitch, email roastspoonman at gmail.com. Go ahead, Mitch. I was just going to say, you got a wiggly tough into the intro. Oh, yeah, worked in some Pokemon. Pokemon is all the rage as we're recording this. It is. Everyone's playing Pokemon Go again.

They really are. Yeah, well, not again. They're playing Pokemon again. They're playing Pokemon Go for the first time. Remember they're playing it again. You never know. Remember they're playing it again. There's a couple weeks after it's come out. Yeah, you're right. I just want to say, to Spoon Nation, and here we go. And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catch frame. I highly hope. Excellent.

If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. There it is. Fantastic. Kind of a cool one. Yeah, I was on board with that one. Very danceable. I thought you gave me a look like it was going a little long. It was maybe a little long, but I thought it was a... I think it was 45 seconds. Yeah, that's fine. That was from Auburn Hills. Is the email he gave me, at least. Oh, wait. His name is Jack. The city of Auburn Hills?

Is it from the mayor of Auburn Hills, Michigan? Here's my issue with it. The guy's name is just Jack. Jack, tweet us. Oh, wait. His Twitter is, is it not lovely? Or just notlovely.com. That's how he wants to be credited. So I apologize to him for saying some weird name you probably didn't want me to say. You can also always double check this before we got on the air. No. Mitch, I want to suggest something. I know we're very or commonly adversarial,

but as you may know... Oh, it's such a grand part of the podcast. As you may know, during the Olympics, there is an unspoken truce during the games. It is that all conflicts are set aside. This was something that began during the during the ancient Olympics, that all the conflicts of the warring tribes would be suspended while the competitions took place. And I'm thinking for the span of the Olympics, for this episode and subsequent episodes, we should aim for a truce and try to keep any conflict centered in the world of chain restaurant competition. Hmm. Yeah, you can fuck off and go to hell.

Okay, all right. I offered it. Why is that? Everyone is hooking up in that Olympic Village, so I guess people don't really care. Everyone's horny as fuck, so just like this podcast. There's just sexual tension brimming over at all times. All right, let's introduce our guests. You know them from wet, hot American summer, first day of camp and comedy bang bang, the very, very funny Michael Mookie Blakelock. Hi, Mookie. Hi, guys. What an honor it is to have you. One of the funniest guys around. Oh, thanks. What an honor it is to be here. We're like ticking off

two bucket list items today. Yeah. You mean, we're doing your joining the podcast. And then later, are you referring to what's going to happen later in the episode? Yes, I won't give it away if this is not the time to do the podcast. It'll be in the episode description, but later on, we're going to have a conversation. We're going to be joined via FaceTime by someone we're both a fan of, Lights, Camera, Jackson, the film critic. Kid movie critic. Now an adult movie critic. Almost. Almost an adult movie critic. He's 17. He's really graduating from high school.

Nice try, Wiger. He's 17. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, Lights reminds me kind of of a little Wiger in a lot of ways. You guys are kind of similar guys. I mean that in a good way. Oh, okay. Yeah, you guys are both kind of similar. He's a nice kid. He's a fount of knowledge. He knows his movie stuff really, really well. A little walking encyclopedia. Your comparison was that he was, to him, as he's a fount of knowledge is how you really, and then you went, he's nice. He's a nice boy. He's a nice boy. And Wiger is a nice boy.

Mookie, so you are from Massachusetts area? Where specifically? Yeah, baby. Yeah, dog. I'm from Ashland, Massachusetts, which is, I guess for anyone's frame of reference in Massachusetts would be, it's next to the town of Framingham, which is a big town, sort of like a landmark in like Metro West, sort of Central Massachusetts, a little bit more east of Central Massachusetts. Okay. But I'm from Ashland, Massachusetts, and close to the city, though. Yeah, it's like, it's maybe like 40 minutes outside of Boston. It's not too far away. So that's similar to the sort of Long Beach LA connection, Lakewood specifically for me, but it's not that far from the big city nearby.

So Duncan Donuts, I imagine, was a big part of your life growing up? Yeah, it's kind of like, it's one of those, it's almost like involuntarily a part of your life, if you're from New England. It's like- For me, also voluntary, but- There's so many of them. I know what you're saying. No matter what, you're eating- There's so many of them, and it's so convenient, and it's so quick that you, even if you hated Duncan Donuts, you'd still eat there more than any other. But you know what I mean? Just because they're so there. I get the sense, because it's like, I feel like any time I end up in a Starbucks,

it's almost, 50% of the time, it's not even really a conscious choice. I'm just sort of like, oh yeah, there's a Starbucks, I'm gonna go in there and get a drink. I mean, it's all, it literally is like, it is, it's convenience. It's like, it's basically like a nicer 7-Eleven, like where you just like, get your coffee, get your thing, get your donut, your muffin, your bagel, your sandwich, whatever. Yeah. And you go, it's never like, but also people from New England swear by their coffee. They're like, it's the best coffee you've ever had. Knock it off. I'm sorry. A coffee dumped out of me. No, I stand by their coffee. Their coffee is still one of my favorites of any coffee place. Do you think that's because you just had so much of it? Or because

then it's like, legit good coffee. I think it's, I think it's, we talked about this, I mean maybe two weeks ago, now on the podcast, we talked about the Snob's versus Slub's, the Diner coffee versus like kind of fancy, I don't even know if that was the hashtag, but it was something like that. Yeah. And it was, and Dunkin Donuts to me does like the best kind of like normal coffee. Like when I go to Starbuck's versus Joe's, that's what it was. And yeah, well good memory, weirdo. And then like, Starbucks is like very bitter to me. The one I like out here, I like coffee bean, all right. I think that they make a pretty good cup of coffee. Yeah. But even that is like kind of still more like the Frappuccinos and all that, and like the ice blended.

For Dunkin Donuts, just like the basic cup of coffee, either black or with some cream and sugar, I think they do a great, a great version. The best thing about it is they're not trying, they're, they're like keeping it simple. They're keeping it like good quality, simple without, like, I feel like Starbucks is one of those places that's like trying too hard. And that's why they missed the mark. And then Diner coffee is like somebody took a can of coffee beans and ground them from like the grocery store and then put hot water in a coffee machine where it's like, it's the in between of like, it's the average Joe's cup of Joe that isn't trying to be anything else but like a solid cup of coffee. There's no pretense behind it. I feel like, because I think

the part of the genius of Starbucks is in its marketing is that there are a lot of people who I think like kind of the aesthetic of Starbucks and they like that it's like kind of a nice place, they like that they feel, you know, it's everywhere now, so it's weird to say, but it, there was a time when it was kind of like a hip, cool, like fancier place than you'd see versus most chains. Yeah. And now a lot of chains have kind of aped that sort of style and marketing plan, but there's the, the Dunkin Donuts, you're right, it kind of captures the, the feel of the common man. Yeah. It's like, it's a blue collar place for a blue collar city, baby. Yeah. And especially, it keeps America running. Yeah. You feel what? No, I feel like Boston in particular

is very protective of that part of their identity of like, like, you know, they're, you've got kind of that kind of vibe, right? There is a thing, I don't know if Mookie even likes that part of the city, but there's, there's like a, there's a completely unnecessary, like, like pride about like a shitty donut chain. You know, you don't get between a man and his donkeys, you know what I mean? Like, I'm sorry. I love, I fucking love donkeys and I, I, it is so much of, I mean, like, I feel like it was probably the fast food restaurant I maybe ate at the most growing up, like Mookie was saying, it's that sort of thing of like, yeah, hey, you might have Wendy's one week and then, I mean, it shouldn't be eating it every week, but as a teenager,

maybe more so, I was doing that. Actually, now as an adult, because of this fucking podcast, I do, I eat fast food every week. It's awful. But anyway, sometimes we got a nicer chain, we don't always go to fast food chains, we got other chains. Yeah, whatever. I'm getting fatter and my shirts aren't fitting. So, but with Dung and Donuts, is that sort of place of like, getting a coffee or a bagel or something in the morning? Like, that's something that you would do maybe a couple times a week. Or, you know, back before you knew that you're not supposed to be eating bagels. And it's such a thing in New, it's like East Coast too, because I know there's a lot in New York, but like it's a thing where they're like in gas stations and stuff, like not all these,

like standalone, walk in, sit down, like there's little like, you know, there's like a Starbucks and like a grocery store or something like that, just like a little, almost like kiosk. Yeah, because my first experience with Dung and Donuts was in New York City, and there are some that are so small, they're basically storefronts with like a tiny seating area, if there's any seating area. Yeah, it looks like hell for the people who work in those small places. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not a place you would ever want to like sit down and have a meal. Right. That is a place to get something and leave. Yeah, you get it to go. And there's also one, there's the hybrid Baskin Robbins Dung and Donuts, which I don't know how recent that is.

Yeah, no, those were around for a while. I feel like, has that, to that, are they still together? I guess they probably are. I don't know that I've even ever seen that. That was such a weird, that's a weird combo. Yeah. That's a weird combo that they shouldn't be together. You're already in a dessert place in a breakfast, yeah. I think a donut place in an ice cream place is fine. I think that's totally earned. But Dung and Donuts is so much more than just donuts to me, but that's talk for the Dung and Donuts episode. I want to say that, Mookie, when I first met you, I would say that I was kind of afraid of your whole crew. Why is that pipsqueak?

Because you said that exact phrase to me. You were in the Hendershaw crew, and it was you and Harris and Armin and Dave Orwitz and Noah Garfinkel. Yes, yes. But by the time I kind of saw you guys, it had kind of gone down to like the four. I mean, maybe Noah was still around. It started at six. Noah, and then it was Gabe. Gabe Rothschild, yes. Gabe was the last member. But then, yeah, it kind of moved down to the four of you. Yes. And you were this guy, and you were a Boston guy, and we didn't really like, it didn't really, like our friendship didn't spark over Boston stuff right away. And I feel like you kind of had a backwards hat on. You had an earring, and I was like, this guy's tough. Yeah, I remember earring Mookie. That was all right. Earring Mookie,

backwards hat Mookie. And I was like, this guy's a tough guy. I don't want to, and you know, Harris and Harris could be intimidating. And then all you guys grew to be some of my best friends. I love all earring. They were all so funny. But there was a time where I was a little bit intimidated by Mookie. And then you're a sweetheart, as you all know. I'm so embarrassed that that was the vibe. I spent a lot of time, well, it also shows that years ago, trying so hard to, I just wanted very badly to be cool and to be liked. Right. And so there was a long period of time through college and like through a couple years of moving to LA where like,

I had both of my ears pierced. I had shoulder length hair. I wore a backwards trucker hat. I wore sweat bands on my wrists just as like an accessory. I wore very tight t-shirts. I guess I still kind of do, but just because they look great on my body. And yeah, I, you know, I probably, you know, said stuff like buzz off, pipsqueak. Yeah, I know. I was definitely, I was definitely, I was definitely intimidated the first time that I know how nice you are and how funny you are. At first, I was a little bit afraid of you, which means I'm a huge pussy to be afraid of some theater guy on the corner anyways. But, but then, yeah, we grew to be good friends. You're one of the funniest guys there that there is. And, and we've bonded sense about Massachusetts

stuff, I feel like. Sure. Not in those early days. Yeah, I also feel like, Mookie, you are cool. I feel like you, you maybe. Thanks, Nick. Not a compliment. No. Whatever you say about trying, maybe you're trying to be cool, well, whatever you've embraced, I feel like just is cool. You're just a cool dude. Oh, thanks. Like, I see you're, I like, you got a cool style, like, like, you look very chill and laid back right now. You've always had cool hair. I've always been envious of your, your whole thing. Oh my fucking God. Coming from the man with a bunch of birds on his shirt. I like it. A bird print shirt. Yeah, go ahead. I like Nick's shirt and I also will say that you in recent years have had a great style too. Oh boy, what a compliment. This fuck, this sucks.

And Mitch, it seems like your shirt's about to tear off. And the buttons are going to start poking us in the eyes. Mother fuckers. All right, let's turn back in to bully Mookie. You both are two of the greatest guys I've ever known, legit, and so great and funny. And Mitch, I love you, baby, and wigs. You're number one. Oh, what a thing to say. What a charmer. All right, let's get into the, let's get into the Olympics susser games. We've got a jammed back episode. All right. So here's how this will work. This is the, as we discussed on the, yeah, go ahead, go ahead, Mookie. Oh, I brought a thing. Yo, you brought a thing. Can I, can I do this really quick? Yeah,

let's do that before we get into it. Literally, this will take one minute. Okay, I brought a gift for everybody. Hey, we're excited by this. Earlier on, I know that you guys have to eat a lot of food. That's right. You bring us, did you bring us Coke? Yeah, I brought you more food to eat. This is from my personal home. This is aloe vera juice. What the, what the, whoa. It's in a jar. It was in a larger, this is from Trader Joe's. It's a Trader Joe's brand aloe vera juice. It's really great for digestion. It settles your stomach, and secondarily, it's really great for your skin. Oh, wow. So maybe we could all have a little shot of it, a toast to the Olympics 2016. I'm 100% on board with this. Is there any

chance this is one of those drinks that's going to, sometimes when you hear like a digestion aid, I'd like, I think that'll just instantly give me diarrhea? No, no, no, no, no. So it's the juice, it's the aloe vera plant juice. Okay. I can't wait for this to just turn to Weiger running into the bathroom. This is not a, this is not a diuretic. This is not a diuretic. This will not, but it just, it settles and it helps move things along inside of you. And I have to warn you now, it tastes a little weird. Okay. We're bored, so we're not drank or stankiness, because you're going to stank it. That's fine. I'm on board with something that tastes a little funky. This is no, this is our for foods with Andrew Zimmer, but all right. When you, when you

take your first sip of it, you're going to feel your stomach. So just shoot it back. Oh my god, just suck it down. Tastes a little weird. Well thank you for this weird, this weird ass drink. We're going to thank me later because we're, everybody was complaining about their stomachs earlier. All right. Salud. Salud to the games. Salud to the games. Oh, okay. All right. Now, feel how your stomach feels. Do you feel anything moving around? Well, I tell you, that tasted like gasoline. I tasted plastic-y, like kind of like some of those like frozen pushpops. Yeah. So if you're like, we're just drinking the liquid.

What were those little things that we had, the drinks that kids drank when they were younger? Oh, we had some, uh, Tiny's, Teenies, Minis. Yeah. Yes. Those things. And, and it tasted kind of like one of those. We taste tested the, uh, fuck, I can't remember what they're, these little grenade-shaped things. We had a few weeks back. I don't remember what they were called. Guys, in 15 minutes, let's just check back and see how your stomachs feel. Is my body going to reject this healthy, we, we ate so much food, which we can get into in a second here, but

I feel like my throat is closing. Is that a common sensation? Man, Mookie. Wait, does it really? No, it's just a little bit like, I think I'm just like, oh, look. Mookie, if you killed Liger, you'll be my, my favorite guest. Are you allergic to aloe? Is that a thing? Who knows? I don't know. Uh, definitely a weird substance to pour down my throat. But yeah, I'll trust you on the digestion aid. Ha, ha, ha.

All right. Good. I'm glad we did it. Let's get into- We'll finish this podcast in the hospital next day. I'll have diarrhea and I'll be choking. Let's, uh, let's get into the Olympics. So we have, we're going to discuss each of the different categories for the pizza sector of the competition. That's right, folks. We didn't do this the way you wanted us to,

which was by putting foods from different nations, like Mexican food, reverse Italian food. We didn't parallel the existing Olympics in any way. No, we, we, we did the, a very complicated, bizarre new rating system. Yeah. Then we also, we ultimately like partly through eating our first meal, just realized was going to be unsatisfying as a, as a format. Yeah. Fucking terrible. Whatever. This is going to be a disaster. It's okay.

We got a great guest with us to steer us through it. So we're going to have 10 minutes per different element. International Olympics committee chairman Evan Susser is outside, and he is going to be timing us and letting us know when we need to move on from our arguments to our scoring of each, of each category. And, um, hopefully from outside. I don't want him in the booth. Yeah. He's outside. And the categories are wings, breadsticks, pizza and dessert.

We'll begin the discussion of our three chains, which are Domino's, Papa John's and Pizza Hut with wings starting now. Okay. I have to tell you that all of these wings were disappointing to me. There wasn't one that I was happy with and we, we made the decision. So here's the thing and I'm going to say this about us ranking all of these. We, we, we, we, we made some broad decisions of like, uh, and we'll get into what we show us with the pizza and the breadsticks and the dessert, but we made the decision that we're going to do bone in wings, which I feel like aren't great at, at some of these top,

uh, pizza places, right? Yeah. I think, I think maybe they've seen that the market is moving more towards bone, boneless wings and have decided to focus that their food science on perfecting those. But I think we can say that we have also in a very broad sense come to decide on a uniform point of comparison for all of these. So we're trying to get as close to, to the same order as possible from each restaurant. So we can have a one to one comparison point. Our first one, uh, the wings.

So we got a regular buff, hot buffalo wing, um, from all three places. Um, Mookie, what were your thoughts on the wings we had? Um, I am not a buffalo wing fan in general. Do you like wings? You do like wings. I like chicken wings. I don't love buffalo sauce. What are your, so what's your preferred way?

So do you like, like, like, like a Chinese, a Chinese restaurant, like a chicken wing from a Chinese restaurant? Yeah, if it's, if it's appropriate, if you're at the appropriate restaurant, I love like a, you know, like a sort of like a garlic sauce or maybe a little more barbecuey. Sure. The thing about buffalo sauce to me is there's always, it's always, the wings are always like drowning in that sauce. There's always so much of it where I feel like I would like it more if there was just a little

light toss of the wing or whatever. So I don't love buffalo wings in general. May I recommend something real quick just to interject? Sure. Um, try some of the spicy dry rubs at Buffalo Wild Wings because B-Dubs has a desert heat dry rub and it'll get rid of some of that excess sauce that you're worried about, but you also get that nice buffalo kick. I think, I think that might be a something that could win you over, but go ahead.

Sure, even places that make like a buffalo chicken sandwich with just like, you know, a breaded chicken breast that has buffalo sauce on it. There's so much on it. So get all that stuff off. Should I say what my favorite ones were? I think that's fair. And I think, well, well, you know, it's up to you if you want to have some suspense upon what your scores are ultimately going to be or if you want to, yeah.

All the wings were, I'll say about all of them, right? None of them were like crispy enough. They were all like soggy and wet. Yeah, that's true. And you know, Domino's is kind of the, the, the, I feel like they were the first one, first pizza place to kind of do mass wings. Like, uh, I know there were, there were probably some specific pizza, local pizza, pizzerias I had buffalo wings, but I think Domino's was felt like the first chain that did,

that did buffalo wings. They had the commercial with like the flying buffaloes and stuff. But yeah, they, they, it was kind of like the breading on the buffalo, the Domino's buffalo wings was kind of like falling off of it and kind of nasty, which it always seems to be. And that one was the most drenched in sauce. Like at the bottom of the container, you're looking at like a runny, it was like thin too. Like a thin, like just, uh, like buffalo sauce puddle. Yeah, it's an appetizing when you get all that runoff.

And there was like no crisp, no anything. It was like really soft. I felt the same way about Papa John's wings. Those had a little less sort of like excess of sauce on them, but those were still kind of soggy. My favorite were the Pizza Hut wings. They were the crispiest, the crispiest, as that crispy. And almost had no sauce on them. Like it didn't even really taste like it had buffalo sauce on it, or it had like

such a light tossing or whatever that like you could barely, uh, yeah, that, that, that was my favorite of the three. Well, you know, one thing as a presentational element, the Pizza Hut wings come in like a little black hot tub, basically a little jacuzzi cup. And I, for me, there's something about that, which I find less appealing than the sloppier, more rustic foil in a cardboard box presentation we got from the other chains. Like I just like, give me those, give me those wings in a big thing of foil. And I open it up and it's a big, it's a big stinky, sloppy mess.

Something about just getting them in a tub. I'm like, this feels so processed to me. I know that's just a psychological thing, but that kind of turned me off from the Pizza Hut wings. I went for drumettes with all three. All three wings are kind of ultimately unsatisfying. Like I didn't, I don't think I had any wing where I was like, oh, this is good. I feel like I had ones that was like, well, if I feel like I needed some wings with my pizza, I would be okay with any of these.

Ultimately, I am a Domino's wing fan in the abstract. Like when I've gotten wings from Domino's in the past, they've been fine. They've been, they've been fine to good. These ones were- You're a Domino's wing fan in the abstract. Yeah, in general, yes. I am a fan. In this specific case, I don't think the Domino's wings delivered.

I don't know if these were particularly just like a mediocre batch, but I agree that there wasn't any crispness among any of them. Papa John's ones were just so forgettable. And the thing about the Pizza Hut wings, aside from the presentation, they forgot ranch. And that is a cardinal sin in the wing game. Without a dip in sauce, I mean, what are you doing? You're just, you better hope you have something in your fridge, or otherwise you're just going to eat some plain wings.

That was the Pizza Hut that forgot the- Pizza Hut forgot the ranch, yeah. Yeah, and that's, that's, that is, that is too bad because for me, I felt like it was that sort of thing of like the Pizza Hut wings. I was maybe with Mookie in that they were possibly the best. The Domino's wings were maybe my least favorite. I don't know, you're going to find out with my score, but the Papa John's- Here was the trade-off for me is that the Pizza Hut wings felt more artificial.

The Papa John's wings felt more like wings, but they were kind of a little bit nastier. And so it was like- Yeah, they were almost like too soft. They were like slimy. They were too soft, but they weren't as soft as the Domino's wings, which were like couldn't fucking disgusting. But yeah, I feel like Domino's has never, I've never enjoyed the bone-in wings at Domino's.

And I, and you know Wing Street has a deal with Pizza Hut. That's where you get your wings from. It's kind of like a joint, right? It's a, it's, it's kind of a joint. It's a Pizza Hut invention, isn't it? It's there, it's there like, like little invented brand. It's like Touchstone came out of Disney. Yes.

And I mean like, none of them are as good as Buffalo Wild Wings or Wing Stop. Yeah, not even close to a standalone wing spot. Not even close. Wing Street is, although like I've said, the street I wish I lived on. Um, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it was still maybe the best of, of, of the bunch here. But unfortunately, I'll go ahead. Why, it's like the two that had sauce on them were the soggy ones. And the one that had the least amount of sauce was the crispiest one.

So it's like, I don't know, I feel like sauce can be this like killer of texture or whatever. And they were delivered. So they were like sitting in sauce for however long. Yeah, you got to take that into consideration. But you didn't also remember the Domino's ones were so hot. I burned my fingers on them when I was first trying to, to eat them. Well, you started, you, you ripped them out of the delivery guy's hand and then shoved them into your mouth. Before he even had money in his hand, you're like,

It was also great for these delivery guys to witness us getting, by the time the Puppet John's guy came, he was like, they arrived last. Yeah. The delivery guy was like, what the fuck? Like open the door, could see, like skeptically was watching guys inside already eating pizza. It was just like, seeing, seeing four, four, uh, doughy men just chowing down on, yeah, on pizzas from different places. And I guess assuming we're either high or have a eating disorders.

Yeah. He, he turned white as a ghost and he ran off. And then he shut the door and leaned his back up against the door and went off. What the fuck? There are days and there are days. He, uh, we gave him a good tip and told them not to tell anyone. So if we, if, if we're going to give our final number, I got to just say there's going to be a deduction for the missing ranch.

We decided this. Yes. So this is as in the, as in like the gymnastics competitions or the, the diving competitions, if you, there are certain other, certain errors, uh, sister's given us a one minute warning, um, though I think we're about wrapped up with discussion anyway. There's certain errors which, which indicate, uh, or demand and automatic deduction. We decided that the exclusion of the dip in sauce from the wings mandates a 0.5 deduction. So whatever your score is, uh, subtract 0.5 before tallying it. And the way we've been doing this is that we will, or the way we're going to be doing this

is we'll be scoring them as in the, uh, the gymnastics competitions from a 0.0 to 6.0 decimal points, highly encouraged. Um, so, uh, let's, uh, it looks like the buzzer is sounded. Let's go ahead and do this now. We'll start with Domino's, uh, Mookie Blake lock. Domino's wings, I'm giving, uh, a, an even 2.0. All right. For the Domino's wings, my scoring is 1.550.

Domino's wings from Nick Weiger. 2.01. Wow. Papa John's wings. Mookie Blake lock. Papa John's wings were my favorite of the three. I can't give them a six because they were not perfect. Five seems a little high, four point.

Wow. Seven. Very good score. Papa John wings, I think that actually Pizza Hut would have stolen this away, if not for its costly mistake. I had it at one, uh, well, I won't say the number, sorry. But for Papa John's, my, my, my score for them was 1.90. So, we have some subjective discretion with our scoring.

I think I, I think I messed up just now. Did you get the wrong score? Yeah, I think I was gonna get my Pizza Hut score. Oh, so you gave your Pizza Hut score. Do you want to mend your Papa John score before you do it officially? Go ahead. Papa John's were my least favorite wings. Right.

Those were a 1.2. Okay, a one point, a vastly different score from your original one. I am so sorry for that fuck up. That's all right. We, we fixed it, we caught it in time. Papa John's, as I was about to say, we have some subject, subjective discretion when giving these scorings. I am going to give an automatic one point deduction from all Papa John scores

for being from Papa John's schnatter, the worst man in chain restaurants. One full point? One full point just for being associated with Papa John. As a result, as a result, Papa John's wings get a point eight seven. Jesus fucking Christ. And my original score was a one point eight seven as in one eight seven, the code for murder, which I would like for someone to do to Papa John. Okay, our next, our next one, our finalist, our final one is Pizza Hut.

Go ahead, Mookie. Okay, this is what I meant to say before. My favorite of the three and all the stuff I said before, four point seven. Wow. Okay. Very high score. Go ahead, Mitch. This, that's in comparison.

Yeah. This one would have, this one would have had it for me too. I actually gave it the highest score. It, you know, it, the, the artificialness was made up for in its crispiness. And I didn't really love the wings, but they were slightly better than Papa John's, which I thought were the second place. I scored this two point zero, but with its deduction of point five, it moves it down. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a costly deduction.

It puts it at one point five, which, which puts it in the last place. For you personally. For me personally. Um, I think Papa, I think Pizza Hut's were the best of this batch of this very, very disappointing batch. They are the only one I would say approaches average, which is why I am, I would give them before the deduction a score of three point zero. However, with the deduction that takes it down to two point five, which would be two and a half

forks in our five fork system, but in our six point zero system, two point five is, is slightly below average. So Evan Sesser, you've heard all our scores. He's out there. Do you have a winner that you were able to calculate? You do. He's giving us the thumbs up from outside the booth. He's got a winner.

We're doing this in the most awkward way possible. So far, these Olympics are just as boring as the real thing. It's like watching the equestrian competition. Who would have thought that our idea of saying numbers out loud would fail? Look, it's worked for us in the past. But this room alone has more Zika virus in it than all of Rio. Here's a question. Should we, should we get the results now or should we wait till the end?

Hey, Sesser, I know you're out there. You're not on mic. What's easier to get the results now or should we wait till the end and hear all of them? Bang on the glass for one. He's walking in. Evan Sesser is entering the studio. Very slowly. He's taking his sweet time.

How are your stomachs feeling, guys? I'm OK. I'm hanging in there. His throat hasn't closed up yet. OK, good. Sesser, what is going on? We're on a curler. I don't know if that mic is live.

Is that mic live? And is live. That's it. Sesser, talk into it. OK. I think it'll be easiest for me to come in and tell him. Do you think it'll be easiest if you insert yourself into the podcast at every opportunity?

I'm just thinking of the ease and smooth running of the podcast. Right. None of this seems to be thought out ahead of time. The bronze medal in the Wings Division in the 2016 Doe Olympics Sesser Games goes to Papa John's. OK. Richly deserved. The silver medal in the 2016 Doe Olympics Sesser Games goes to Domino's.

Wow. Wow. Which means the gold medal goes to Pizza Hut. Wow, congratulations. We knew it was the last one that you said. Congratulations to Pizza Hut. There's very little suspense here. We are now going to play the national.

Also, if you can do basic math or you can even pay the slightest bit of attention, you can figure out who is bronze, silver, and gold. Some people are just fast forwarding. Just give me the scores. Give me the scores. I think play this one on 2X speed on your podcast app. OK, so we'll now play the national anthem for Pizza Hut, which we have decided due to the presence of the character Pizza the Hut

is the theme song from the movie Spaceballs. Oh my god. We're going to do this after each event? I don't know. I mean, we're trying this so far. Look, we're going to make a lot of edits to this podcast. We're going to cut out about 40 minutes. This is pretty good.

I just want to get the lyrics there. That's it. I want to hear at least one. All right, we'll just play. This is the most interesting part of the podcast so far anyway. This is at the end when they're all evacuating, if I remember correctly. The one guy tries to buckle up and it's a monkey or a bear's claw that he thinks is the buckle.

Yeah, what is that joke? I don't know. He thinks that the actual buckle is the bear's hand and he's trying to put the two bears' hands together. Is that right? Yeah, no, you're right. You're absolutely right. All right, I'm going to make an emergency amendment

to the way this is going to work. In the interest of time, we are adjusting the discussion period from 10 minutes down to 8 minutes. Oh, my God, 8? Susser is losing his mind out there, but I think we can handle this. So our next, the least interesting thing I think we have to discuss is the breadsticks. Domino's Papa John's and Pizza Hut.

You can do this in five minutes. All right, we'll do five minutes. Oh, my God. Our discussion is now five minutes for breadsticks. All right, so we'll start with your thoughts on breadsticks, Mookie Blake Locke. Okay, they were all also not good, just like the wings. Particularly the Papa John's were in disgrace.

So boring. They were mini, just baked, like somebody took dough, rolled it up into a hot dog, baked it, and that was it. There was no garlic. The most half-assed breadsticks I've ever seen. No garlic, not even like salt. Nothing, no seasoning. That's the worst crime of all.

You don't put salt on a thing. Yeah, you guys are gonna think I'm crazy. One of my kind of ranked towards the top for me. Really? Mm-hmm. Why? I liked them. I liked that they were basic.

I liked that they weren't sprinkled with a bunch of shit. Wow. I like that they were kind of doughy and I thought they did a good job, but continue, keep on, Mookie, because I have something else to say about them. I guess breadsticks are sort of like a garlic bread. They're supposed to sort of mirror garlic bread, or they're replacing garlic bread as like a pizza side or whatever. I just want to say that this is ridiculous.

We should have gotten fucking cheesy bread, and we should have ranked cheesy bread at these places, but Weiger wanted breadsticks. Why get cheesy bread when there's pizza? If I'm gonna have cheesy bread, give me pizza. Because no one fucking eats pizza. Yes, pizza is cheesy bread. Pizza is cheesy bread.

No one eats breadsticks anymore, you're wrong. People do clearly do eat bread. As no one is eating them, they discontinue them for all the menus. People eat cheesy bread now. We have a fucking evolved. People eat cheesy bread. These are capitalist enterprises. They're not keeping breadsticks alive just purely due to tradition.

They're keeping them alive because they're a profitable item. They're crust. We ate crust. You're right. The Papa John's one was just crust. It had no seasoning. It was worthless. Ironically, the best dip in sauce, but very, very plain, pointless,

a bad, bad breadstick. Domino's, Pizza Hut, they were the same. I think the Domino's one was a little crisper, so I mean, I'd probably like that one. The Domino's also, the Domino's dip in sauce was like thick like tomato paste. The Pizza Hut sauce, dip in sauce, was like so thin. It was just like red water. It was putrid.

It was really bad. Other thoughts on the breadsticks, Mookie? I thought the other two were like pretty similar to each other. One, I think, being better than the other. But I can let you know that in my score. All right, great. I'm going to say this, that Domino's and Pizza Hut were,

I thought were very close to each other. I had some problems with every sauce. I had an issue with every sauce. Yeah, the sauces were not good. But I also will address that in my final scores. Yes. When we get onto that in just a second here, the breadsticks, though, were boring all around.

I liked Papa John's, but wasn't my favorite. You're about to find out in just a second here. My assessment, I agree with you that they were boring. And this was one where we got this where I was like, should we have just done salad or something? I know you said you were pushing for cheesy bread, but should we have done something other than breadsticks? Because it was like a bad Olympic event.

We're like, yes, we can figure out who's the smallest weightlifter. They've always got shit like that. They've got this 80-pound men competing on lifting weights. I'm just like, who cares? I can't wait until one of them hears this and the podcast and comes and fucking whoops your ass. If you're one of those little weightlifting fucks, come at me. If you're like a 5'3 guy who can lift 120 pounds

and you get a metalet Rio for it, whatever, more power to you. Good luck with that. But that's what I feel about breadsticks. It's like this is a dumb thing to consider. These all kind of suck, but I guess we can pick a winner. Susser has given us the signal. Let's get to our thoughts. Time to wrap it up.

Look at that. It's exciting. Boom, boom, bang. Let's get to our scores. Go ahead, Mookie. Is there one I should start with? Yes, we'll go. We'll stick with the same order.

Dominoes, I'm sorry. Dominoes, I thought was the best of the three. Wow. You know, decent garlic, like warm, crispy outside, soft inside. I mean, it's a breadstick. Again, like the wings, nothing was too impressive. I'm going to give it just like my high school GPA, 3.0. Wow, decent GPA.

Very respectable. Go ahead, bitch. My GPA is too low for any of these scores. Negative 3.0. The breadsticks at Dominoes, I gave. And surprisingly, you guys will find out, in last place before deductions, Dominoes got a 2.985. But we'll get into my other scores in just a second

because there were some that ranked higher, but then they got a couple deductions. Oh, yeah, some deductions. Okay, Dominoes for me, my favorite of a very boring bunch which is enough to give it my highest score, a 0.7, because all these breadsticks were so bad. Yeah, to me, the Dominoes overall just ranked as the worst actual breadstick just because the other problem that the other two didn't have,

even though I know that you guys at the Puppet Johns ones were playing, these ones just kind of tasted cardboardy to me. Right. And I just didn't, I didn't love them. So, Boogie, take it away for us for your Puppet Johns review. Puppet Johns breadsticks. Yeah, they were fucking bullshit. They were so bad and plain and I might as well have just taken a piece of

white bread out of a package and just eaten that. And I'm giving it a 0.4. Wow. Um, Puppet Johns breadsticks, they were up there, they weren't my favorite breadstick, but they came in second place for me with a 3.2. Wow. And then, I'm giving it a deduction, minus 0.5 for what I thought was the worst sauce, which I now have, you said is your favorite sauce.

Yeah. That Puppet Johns sauce was too tangy for me. I did not like it. I like the tang. Minus 0.5, so that brings it down to a, let me do some basic math here, a 2.7. 2.7 from the spoon man. 2.70. Puppet Johns were pointless, disgusting.

They were pizza crust with no pizza attached, plain, nasty. Before deductions, 0.0, after the Puppet Johns corollary that I have, a minus 1. Minus 1.0 for Puppet Johns. You can't give a minus score on the Olympics. I gave a 0.0 and then the automatic deduction took it below 0, so I guess that's what we're going to have to live with it. That's bullshit. All right.

Go ahead, Mugi. Pizza Hut. I thought these ones were like pretty similar to Domino's, but lack, they were not as hot. They were just a little less crispy on the outside and like a little more doughy on the inside, a little too soft. So I gave Domino's a 3.0, so I'm giving these a 2.6. Good score.

I gave the Pizza Hut breadsticks a 3.23789. And I'm going to deduct 0.1 for Runny Sauce, but I liked the sauce. I thought the sauce was actually decent. It was just a little bit watery, but I actually liked the taste of it. So that brings my score down to 3.13789. It gets first place for me of all the breadsticks. Oh, so you were so close to pie. You were that close.

His mouth is watering. Fuck you. What is it, 3.14, whatever? That just saying those numbers makes me hungry for pie. Yes, that's what I'm saying, Mitch. Oh, well, that's the comment I made. Fuck you. Pizza Hut, for me, they were like a worse version of the Domino's breadsticks,

which are already pretty pointless, but they were fine. The sauce, I would have rather dipped it in that aloe vera juice we drank earlier. So good. 0.4, 0.4 for the Pizza Hut. Sesser, do we have a verdict there? He's going to rush in. This is going to be worth it. He's doing math on his calculator app.

This is by far the most compelling thing we've ever... What is he doing? We take the wrong corner here. Jesus Christ. All right, Sesser, what do we have? I hope that he gets some of these wrong. Down to the wire. Wow.

What, you getting the numbers out? The participants are not allowed to give negative scores, so that is, does not affect the ratings. Wow. However, it does not change the outcome. Wow, okay. With the bronze, Papa John's. Deservedly.

With the silver. Who is this? Pizza Hut. Wow. And with the gold by a hair, Domino's. Congratulations to Domino's. Your national anthem will now play Domino by Van Morrison. Oh my fucking god.

Can you see, can you imagine the three breadsticks sitting up on those little, those little steps? As the song plays? Holding up a, holding up a black power symbol. It's just got very angry. I'm laughing, you son of a bitch. Wait, there's a part in the song where he starts saying Domino's, right? Yeah, it's in two seconds.

Right, I'll let it keep playing. Why are you more concerned when we're doing all this dumb shit, but you can't give the song 30 seconds? Domino's. Domino's. Oh wow, what an Olympics. At home, the noise is tearing up. Can I ask a quick question about scoring?

I promise it'll be very quick. Are you guys scoring this just on like, just the food quality in general or as compared to all breadsticks or just as compared to like if these were the only three breadsticks you've ever tried in your life? I'm giving them an assessment. It's like my scores are high maybe. I think it's relative to the individual, relative to the judge. Every judge is going to have their own built-in bias,

but I'm judging it based off of the chain food that I've consumed over a lifetime of eating. That's what I'm doing as well. But feel free, if you're comparing them to each other relatively, I think it'll work out either way. Are we doing dessert now? Oh, should we do dessert and hold off for pizza again? I feel like pizza's the big fucking competition. All right, five-minute discussion on dessert beginning now.

From Domino's, we got the ch- This is the one where we couldn't get everything exactly right. Why don't we make it more fun and say three minutes? All right, three minutes discussion on dessert. We came very close to having them be one-to-one, but there was a slight deviation. From Papa John's, we got the chocolate chip cookie. From Pizza Hut, we got the Hershey's chocolate chip cookie.

And from now on, we got the chocolate brownie marbled cookie, which was kind of a brownie cookie hybrid. I personally felt that the poppage of the two chocolate chip cookies, I feel like the Pizza Hut one was better. The Papa John's one felt like more of an afterthought, and the Pizza Hut one I thought was a little gooier in a good way. The Papa John's one was more just like it felt stale, like I picked up one whole half and none of the pieces fell apart,

which I thought was a bad sign. The Domino's one, the chocolate brownie marbled cookie wasn't all that marbled. I feel like the cookie part and the brownie part were pretty separate, and there were some chunks that were entirely cookie, entirely brownie. You had to reach for one, you had to pick out, be selective about getting one that got you both bites in it. Yeah, like a detective, when we opened up the box,

you went, hmm, not too marbled, and I was like, okay. There's obviously something that's going to stick with him, the rest of the fucking meal. Anyways, I had to say, I actually was happy with the Dessert Rounds, it turned out to be a good competition for me. I thought that each place kind of excelled, but I agreed with your assessment that Papa John's was kind of the weakest. They overcooked their cookies, but then with the other two,

I mean, we'll get into scoring, but Mookie, how did you feel? Uh, they all felt a little bit to me, like sort of, uh, like from a box, you know what I mean? Like the kind of, like when you like buy Pillsbury dough or something and like put it in your oven and make it yourself, which is sort of like, sometimes that's disappointing when you're paying for like a restaurant price for a thing. Totally agree.

But, uh, because that's what the, the, um, uh, shit, I think it was the Domino's one. No, no, no. The Pizza Hut one was the cookie, was just the cookie one. Yes. Okay. That one was good. It was like soft, gooey, um, you know, still felt kind of like I could buy this in a grocery store or whatever.

The Papa John's one was almost the same, but like, yeah, overcooked. Like when you get that soft inside, but you also get that like sort of hard, crispy outside, the hard outside sort of came into the middle a little too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas like when you're eating like the very tip, because you're cutting it like a little pizza, basically, it's a giant cookie. Yeah. And so you're taking a little triangle of cookie and like the very end was

almost like still a little too, uh, chewy and, yeah, it was crusty. Yeah. And then Papa John's, no, no, no. Domino's that was the brownie cookie. Yes. Um, any, like a brownie and cookie are the two things that are like make it soft and gooey and it's going to be good. And these, this, this cookie brought, which was both of those things just like felt a

little too like gummy and firm. You know what I mean? Okay. I will say that I, the, I feel like the Domino's was the one that got closest to a soft, warm, gooey treat. And it looks like we're about running out of time. We're running out of time. All right.

So we'll get to our final score. Oh, Susser just said zero seconds. We're out of time. All right. So, uh, Mookie, your, your score starting with the Domino's chocolate brownie marble cookie. Oh gosh, um, I want to give it a 3.2 3.2. All right.

Score the Domino's marble cookie brownie for me. The highest ranking of them all 5.15. Very good score. I actually enjoyed this and I thought this was a, the closest I had to a restaurant caliber dessert. And for that reason, I am giving it a 4.1. Papa John's, your score, Mookie Play Clock. Papa John's, um, don't overcook that cookie.

Well, 1.9. 1.9. They were, it was overcooked, crusty, probably like Nick's undergarments. I'm not like a dirty guy. I'm not a reputation for being an unwashed man. Hey, I didn't say if it was, I didn't say if it was, I didn't say it was shit. I didn't say that it was semen. I just said crusty.

That's all. Like a, no, I'm not, there, there's an implication that's one of the two. You know, I didn't say what it was. He has crisp, clean, crusty, like found underwear. Okay, all right. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, it's just like a super fan. Yeah, um, the dessert from Papa John's, it was my least favorite dessert.

But still not bad, just overcooked. It got a 3.8818188. Um, Papa John's one was the worst of the desserts, edible, but very stale. My baseline before deduction is a two, which is the number of facial expressions that Papa John can make with his heavily botoxed face. Jesus Christ. After my automatic Papa John's deduction, it goes down to a 1.0. We are now going on to Pizza Hut.

Uh, okay. Pizza dessert was my favorite. Would you mind doing this in the voice of Michael Jackson? Oh, my famous popular character. I'm getting over a cold, so I'm a little scratchy. Oh, so you never have to do that. I'm giving it. I'm sorry to pimp you.

I'm giving it a 3.8. Mitch, go ahead. I'm giving... Oh, Mitch, real quick. Would you mind doing your score in the voice of your famous character, Bill Clinton? Motherfucker. I give Pizza Hut dessert cookie a 4.69. And that's not even a joke.

Look at Weigher. You can see right there that it was a 4.69. Oh, wow. President Clinton, yes. Good timing, baby. Pizza Hut. Nick, can you do this in... Oh, hi, Doug.

And as your character, autistic robot man. I'm not going to acknowledge that insult. Insult? Pizza Hut. Wait, you're not doing a character all this entire podcast? How about your famous Leo Carpacci? Oh, the guy... The character I've done on Comedy Big Bang, the guy who sings the...

The monster face. The monster fuck guy. The monster mash parody, the monster fuck. All right, I'll bring out a little Carpacci. It's not a character. It's just me doing a monster guy voice, but whatever. Pizza Hut gives... I don't even know how I do that.

Jesus Christ. No, I'm trying to remember what the voice is. Pizza Hut. Pete, it's kind of like that. What am I doing? That's not him. What am I doing? It's just a very angry...

It's like an angry old man. But that's not it. I'm doing something else. I'm doing some other voice there. I'm so sorry. What voice is that? You're going to send him on some sort of... That's like...

Oh, that's Gilbert Gottfried. That's what I'm doing. I'm just doing... It's not Gilbert Gottfried. All right, I'll do it as Gilbert Gottfried. Okay, great, great, great. Um, I give Pizza Hut a score of a... I give Pizza Hut a score of a...

The number of megatons that were dropped on Hiroshima... Oh, my God. ...has Gilbert Gottfried making one of my trademark highly offensive racially charged jokes? Underneath Dominoes, I give it a 3.8. You sound like the... You sound like the bitter Buddha. Oh, Eddie Pepitone. You sound like Eddie Pepitone.

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. I sound like one of two much more talented and successful men than I am. That's true. All right, so Evan Susser, what is the total? Oh, here he goes. He's walking in. Lumbering on into the studio. The judges have asked me to confer with Mookie a 3.8 for Pizza Hut.

Hee hee. Okay. With that in mind... With the bronze medal. Once again, Papa John's. Wow, Papa John's. Where are you belong? The silver Pizza Hut.

And with the gold... Dominoes. Dominoes? Wow. Congratulations, Dominoes. Wow. Now, I haven't been able to tally, and I know that Susser's gonna do some dumb lame shit at the end that tells us who won.

But I feel like Dominoes is doing pretty well right now. Two out of three medals so far, and I believe it's snagged one silver. Two golds and a one silver so far. Pretty good in that count. Yeah, pretty good Olympic for Dominoes. Last discussion category, three minutes for... I think we've just progressively reduced the number of minutes we have. Hey, make this one too.

Just got... All right, two minutes. Two minutes for the most important one. For pizza. We got a medium pepperoni from all three places, starting with Dominoes. Dominoes, Papa John's, and Pizza Hut. Go ahead, Mookie. Okay, I thought all of these pizzas were a little bit too, like, thick and not thin.

Dominoes and Pizza Hut in particular are, like, very, like, puffy pizzas and, like, almost, like, undercooked pizza hut, and I'm not joking. I looked at the Pizza Hut pizza without putting it together in my mind and went, this slice of pizza looks like Pizza the Hut. The Pizza Hut pizza looked the most like the character from Spaceballs, Pizza the Hut. It was, like, big and round and doughy and, like, sloppy and, like, the cheese and the pepperonis were, like, falling off of it. There was also a silver robot man next to him.

And Nick laughing wildly. And Dominoes kind of felt the same way, although everything was kind of holding on it better, and this was my first time having Papa John's ever, and I didn't dislike the pizza. I thought it was, like, a decent, like, kind of, like, pizza joint type of pizza. Papa John's was my go-to pizza in college. I eventually drifted away from it, but it is a solid za. Oh, my fucking god. Dominoes is my go-to pizza now, and Pizza Hut was my go-to pizza as a child,

so I have a history with all of these chains. However, I will say, of this batch, I feel that Dominoes was very strong, very solid, at a predictable quality level. Papa John's comes with that garlic dip and sauce, that garlic butter dip and sauce, which liven us up that otherwise boring crust. I would say that Parmesan, or that garlic dip and sauce with that crust is better than their breadsticks with that breadsticks dip and sauce, and Pizza Hut, yeah, I feel like a Pizza Hut was fine. It's just Pizza Hut cal- I mean, Pizza Hut is Pizza Hut caliber, and I will say they

had a lot of pepperoni, which was nice. Go ahead, bitch. We've talked about on this podcast, I love Dominoes, I'm a fan of it. If you order the right thing at Dominoes, you're going to be great, but we're doing these dumbass Olympic games, so there are rules, and we had to, at the one place we had to get the most regular pan pepperoni pizza, and that's what I'm judging it on. What the fuck? I don't even get the time. You said two minutes. I said two minutes, I think. You didn't know who gives a shit. Let's just fucking rank them, I'll talk about them in my ranking. Go ahead, starting with Dominoes.

Okay, Dominoes, it's like a solid pizza, it's not like my favorite kind of pizza, but it's like 2.5. Yep, sure. Dominoes, for me, if you're getting this just regular style pizza, it's a little bit too cardboardy. I like the, we've talked about this before, I like kind of like the hand, I like the thin crust, or like the handmade, what is it called? The handmade pan pizza or whatever, the one that's a little different from the regular style. So, hand tossed. Hand tossed, yes, that's what it is. So, my Dominoes actually came in second place for me, to me it deserves the silver, with a 3.135. That's Dominoes. Dominoes was my favorite, the Dominoes pizza was my favorite bite of food that I had in the

course of this mostly forgettable meal. For that reason, I rank it above my second place, which was the Dominoes dessert, and I give it a 4.34. Papa John's, go ahead, Mookie. Um, I thought that this was my favorite slice of pizza. Wow. And something I forgot to mention is that garlic sauce, what a great idea. It's like this, like oily, just like super garlicky, what a great thing to like dip your crust in, it like soaks right up. So, that like made the crust enjoyable, it was kind of like the thinnest of the three, not like the least sort of doughy of the three, I'm giving it a 4.9. Wow. Papa John's was my least favorite, and I think it's because of the sauce. I don't, I seem not to like the Papa John sauce, it's a little too tangy or

something for me, I don't love it anymore. It was also the pizza of my college days, Nick. If listeners weren't asleep yet, they will be with that little factoid. Um, and I will agree with you guys, I gave the pizza 2.75, but guess what? I'm giving it a plus 0.25 for the garlic dipping sauce because it's pretty great. Yeah. Comes in all together at 3.00. Um, Papa John's, I have to admit, it's- Why is it the pizza of everyone's college? I don't know. Papa John creeping around college campuses. You know, Papa John's, I want to say was, I have to admit, it was a very edible pizza, not bad, that dipping sauce I agree with Mookie was, is a nice treat, and I'd forgotten about it,

and when we saw that in the pepperoncini's inside the box, I was like, oh yeah, they give you a lecture here, and that's kind of nice. Um, I am going to start this at a baseline of a 4, which is the number of times Papa John's has tried to kiss Peyton Manning on the set of one of his commercials, and after the deduction, I am going to give it a 3.0. You're saying four times per shoot. Per shoot, yeah. Come on, just one. I can't believe that we did this whole fucking dough Olympics. We should have picked another place besides fucking Papa John's, I hate him too. It's one of the top, it's the third biggest pizza chain in America.

But you hate, you hate the man, you can't give any of his things a good- I'm being objective, but there is a, there is a little bit of a judges automatic deduction that's just affecting all of the scores. Yeah, that's, you know how like in the Olympics, when a judge doesn't like someone, they deduct a full point. That's the Russian, that's the Russian judge. There's a documented bias that the Eastern Block will, will dislike Western Olympians. So you're like a corrupt, one of those corrupt fucks. Yeah, I'm a corrupt judge. All right, Pizza Hut. On to Pizza Hut. Much like Antonin Scalia, a corrupt judge. R.A.P. Pizza, this is my least favorite.

The one thing I will say about it is it had a lot of pepperonis on it, like pepperonis were like falling off of it. Give me those ronies. They were like really fat, like they literally seemed like uncooked in the middle. They were like soft, it was like chewing on like rado. It was very bad and I'm giving it a zero point zero. Whoa. Four. Wow. I, this was my favorite. Four thousands of a point. Go ahead. This was my favorite of all the pizzas. It surprised me. I liked the buttery crust. Right. It didn't taste as cardboardy. Papa John's is probably my least favorite Pizza Hut. It didn't for me for whatever reason. I like Pizza Hut. I probably, we've talked about it on the podcast before that you

would eat Pizza Hut. Oh, absolutely. No, I probably wouldn't. That's disgusting. I probably would not touch, eat him in any way. But I really enjoy, I enjoyed this Pizza Hut. It was that pan, whatever, whatever, even their basic pizza kind of gets that little pan flavor to it. And I liked the amount of pepperonis on there. I was a fan and I, yeah, it gets my highest score, surprising me with a four point, four point three two. Yeah, it's, I, not my favorite, but it was good. And I like the pan crust. I agree with, with Mookie that it's got a ton of pepperonis and you know, just the ample number of pepperonis, even some stray ones you could pick up in the box was, was real nice. That's what you want when you get one of those

basic meat pizzas. I think this is the kind of pizza that you want after smoking a little reefer and getting the munchies, which means I'm getting, giving it a 420. Oh my God. Have you ever held a joint in your life? I have, I actually have had a, I have held a marijuana cigarette once in my life. Were you turning it into the cops? It was your, yeah, yeah, you handed it to them and then you turned around and put your hands behind your back. Handcuff me now please. Handcuff me for holding it. Sorry officers. All right. Also, would you mind beating me like you do to other people? What? Beat me. I hear how cops beat up on people. I cannot hear you fucking freak. Susser is slowly making his way, taking his sweet time as always. Did you add it all up?

I've added it all up. All right. What is our, what is our verdict in this final ultimate category? The defining one in the pizza sector. For pizza, the bronze medal goes to Pizza Hut. Wow. What the fuck? Is that my fault? It's all mookie. The silver medal goes to Domino's. Oh my God. Is this my fault? And the gold medal goes to Papa John. Jesus Christ. Now, we also have the, the Cthulon. All right. First, let me, let me acknowledge Papa John's his victory by playing their anthem. This is insane. A song befitting the man. The song from Papa Roach. Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort. Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort. Suffocation. All right, Susser. Who has won the overall score in the pizza sector?

With the bronze medal, Papa John's. All right. Back in his place. With the silver medal, Domino's. Oh my God. And with the gold medal. Wow. Probably. Some of the math was a little hard. Pizza Hut. Wow. That means despite winning just one gold in the, in an individual category, the Pizza Hut comes out with the overall gold. Congratulations to Pizza Hut. Enjoy your victory. Oh my God. What a fucking disaster. This was hard scoring if you're giving like points. Well, now we know. It's, it's, it's so hard not to just like what, to round up or down. Yeah, right. Now we know you can sabotage if you want to. I didn't even think of that. Yeah, you can definitely put your thumb on the scale with an individual vote. Well, that's going to

be happening from here on out, I'm sure. Yeah, I think so. No, no, everyone will be honest. No, I think what's going to be happening from here on out is that we cancel the remainder of the Dolan Vicks for the benefit of our listeners. We don't have to have Susser in here every week. Speaking of having Susser in here. It's time for the Susser games, right? Yeah, we've got a, we've got a special segment now for each episode of the Dolan Vicks. Let's welcome in back into the studio, International Dolan Vicks Committee Chairman, Evan Susser, to introduce this week's Susser games. Is there, is there no Susser song like like some sort of a... Oh, some sort of theme music? That's a great pitch. There definitely

should be. Guys, I think it's off to a great start at the Dolan Vicks. How do you feel? Bad. Yeah. And he's been a fiasco. Well, the Olympics, like the Dolan Vicks... Unlike how you stressed, oh. The Olympics, yeah, okay. I say sail Olympics a lot because I think the best thing that can happen for this promotion at this point is for us to get sued by the International Olympics Committee and banned from releasing these episodes. Both Olympics are about surprises and live action. So where we have each episode, we're going to have a live component to it. Right. And tonight is the fryathlon. Okay. Now, the way this is work, it's not going to be eating fries. No, no, no. Oh, I think with Mitch here, it will be eating fries.

It's going to be counting fries. Whoa, even more fun. What a fucking... Okay. We have small fries from McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's. Whoa. The big three. They're going to be distributed. You guys will count. You'll kind of all count one, two, until you're out of fries. Jesus Christ. It's going to be fucking three hours long. We're going to be counting aloud. I remember fries. How's this working? I thought the idea was you count out loud. I mean, you can... Yeah, no, we will. And then the bronze, silver, and gold go into the number of fries. Correct. All right. Let's do it. Great. So we're each steward over one fry.

Now, can Mitch... Wait, wait, wait. Can Mitch be counted on to count these responsibly? I got the Burger King fries, which is bullshit. Yeah, I got the McDonald's one. And make sure you got to check for bag fries, by the way. I got my bag fry. This is also like stone cold. Oh, it is. Wait, hold on. Jesus Christ. I just dropped one on the floor. I dropped one on the floor, too. So we're just counting them? That's all we're doing? All right. Here we go. I'll count first. Don't eat this one. Don't eat this floor fry. We're not eating it. We're not supposed to eat any of them, right?

I'm going to count for the Burger King fries if you guys will... Jesus Christ. Weigar is dropping all those fucking fries. God damn it. Burger King, here we go. Ready? Yeah. One, two, three, four... Should we do this simultaneously? What is happening? Five. What on earth is happening?

Nothing. What is this? Six. Seven. You might be in a row. Does this count as a fry? There's a little nub of a fry. I think the idea was that they would all be counted simultaneously. Well, all right, fine. That's fine. Then does this count as a fry?

No, it doesn't count as a fry. Okay, all right. There's a little nub. A nub do not count as a fry. Everybody just put seven fries in the bag or something. All right, seven fries in the bag. So wait, what? There also appear to be a lot more fries than a small fry than I thought there would be. There's like 50 or so.

Okay, so... All right, everyone put... Count seven fries and put them in your bag. Okay. Oh my god, Sasha, this is a fucking mess. Wait, hold on. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Put them in the bag, Weiger. I'm doing it.

All right. All right, we're all at seven now. Should we begin to count? Yeah, begin to count. Start the games. We're just gonna do something theatrical. The count begins. All right, here we go.

Eight. Two. Eight. Oh, shit, it reacts on an eight. Hold on. One. Eight, nine. Ten.

Eleven. Ten. Twelve. Eleven. Thirteen. Twelve. Fifteen. Fifteen.

Sixteen. Thirteen. Seventeen. Fifteen. Thirty. Eighteen. Nineteen. Fifteen.

Twenty-one. Sixteen. Twenty-two. Seventeen. Twenty-third. Eighteen. Twenty-four. Twenty-five, twenty-six.

Nineteen. Twenty-seven. Twenty. Thirty-seven. Twenty-seven, thirty-six. Thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty-forty-one. Twenty-four. Twenty-four.

Twenty-five. Forty-three, forty-four, forty-five. Twenty-six. Twenty-seven. Forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight. Twenty-eight, forty-nine, forty-one. Forty- reliably. Twenty-one.

Twenty-one, fifty-two, thirty-three. Thirty-one. Forty-four, forty-five. Thirty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight. Forty-three. Thirty-nine. Thirty-four. Sixty.

Thirty-five. Sixty-one. Sixty-two. Thirty-six. Thirty-seven. Strants' Circle is faster than nous. Thirty-eight, thirty-nine. Thirty-nine fries.

I think I had sixty-two. I forgot what Mike and I bought. Wow! Forty-five. Wow! Wow, McDonald's! Wow, McDonald's in a landslide. McDonald's in a landslide, but also Susser,

the McDonald's fries are way thinner than both Wendy's and Burger King fries. I had Wendy's, did we say that I had Wendy's? Maybe the next Susser games will be about fry thickness, who knows. Oh my God, could you imagine if the next Susser game is about fry thickness? Everyone's been waiting for the definitive take

on fry girth, and we're the ones to offer it. So just to be clear, it's McDonald's with the gold. Yes. Wendy's with the silver, and Burger King with the bronze. I don't have an anthem prepared, because I wasn't ready for this. But yeah, congrats, oh there you go, there you go. I'm lovin' it.

Susser, thanks for wasting about $7, I'm assuming, and getting us greasy and frustrated so that we create the least compelling piece of audio ever recorded, three grown men counting aloud. All right, that was the Olympic Susser games, moving on. We're now thrilled to bring on a very special guest, an Emmy-winning film critic and entertainment reporter joining us via FaceTime, lights, camera Jackson,

Jackson Murphy, hi Jackson, how are you? I'm great guys, how are you? Great, you're at home now, it looks like. Yes, I am at home, baby, I'm at home doing this. From my room filled with celebrity photos in the background, I'm all kinds of crazy memorabilia, yes. It's 11, you're on the East Coast, right? It's 1130 over there?

It is 1130 at night, I am on the East Coast in the Great State of New York. Oh, great, you have school tomorrow, or we're keeping you up too late, I feel like. Summertime, Mitch. Oh yeah, I don't fucking, what on earth? This is my language, schools out for summer, right? That's right, all right.

Schools out forever, you're going to college, where you decide whether or not you get up in the morning for class. And I think I'll decide that I'll get up most mornings. Yes, look, we're three old guys, and sometimes it's tough to get up, honestly. If there's no one forcing you to, but I think you will. Jackson, where are you going to school next year?

I am going to the College of St. Rose, which is in Albany, New York, it is where Jimmy Fallon went to college. Oh, interesting, okay. Jackson, have you settled on a meal plan yet? Meal plan, no, it's very complicated. The meal plans are very complicated. There's so much, there's a card,

and then there's all kinds of different rooms with all the food, several different cafeterias. There's a lot to the meal plan, there it is. You know what I would say as someone, and I went to college well over a decade ago, I would encourage you to get, what's that? I said you're pretty old. I'm pretty old, I'm an old man, 35.

I would encourage you to go on, to err on the side of a meal plan with an abundance of meals, because I noticed my friends at the time who had the more Spartan meal plans, thinking like, oh, I'm gonna eat out sometimes, they'd run out of meals, and then they'd be out of luck. All right, all right, I will take your advice, and I will make sure I get a bunch of meals, yes.

All right, Jackson, we don't just wanna talk about school, we wanna jump in and talk about movie food. So, okay, you tweeted out just before your appearance that you had some thoughts on popcorn, and I'm curious because I'm something of a popcorn skeptic myself, I've taken some heat from Mitch on the podcast. I mean, it's ridiculous to be a popcorn skeptic,

that's insane. But how do you, the ultimate movie snack, I think people will consider it, what do you think about popcorn as a common, as a frequent theater goer? Well, you know what, the thing is, I've gone to so many movies over 13 years, and rarely, if ever, have I eaten popcorn,

have I eaten popcorn during the movie. I don't love popcorn, I really don't. It bothers my teeth, and it would bother the whole experience of me watching the movie. I am not a popcorn guy when it comes to going to the movies, I'm just not. Wow, Jackson, that's insane. Jackson, you love the movies,

and you don't like popcorn? Yeah, man, I'm sorry, I'm totally into all the new stuff. You know, I'm totally into the hot dogs and the pizza. Right, okay. All of that with eating the movie, but the popcorn is just the crunch, no, not for me. Jackson, I am 100% with you, I almost never get popcorn at the movie theater.

Wow, you guys are crazy, that's really crazy. Here's my issue with popcorn, I agree with you on the teeth, and I also just the greasiness of it. I feel like I'm eating a bucket of popcorn, then my hands are greasy, the rest of the movie, and I'm sitting for 90 minutes, and I wanna go wash my hands in the men's room.

Your hands are greasy before you put them in the popcorn. Also, popcorn at the movie theater is such an, like, it's something from when movies were invented, basically, it's such an old school thing that, like, so many other better snacks have been invented since then, and I get the nostalgia of it, but it's like a little, like, piece of styrofoam.

Yeah, it's like playing with... This isn't... No, it's like playing with a cup and ball when they're a video game. Yeah, exactly. That's like, there's the NBA, you don't need to chase around the yard with a hoop and stick, there's better activities.

Jackson, usually someone who came on and said they didn't like popcorn, I would probably threaten them. But you seem like a nice guy, so I'm not gonna do that. I got a question for you, though. A follow-up question. What do you, when you're at the theater, what are you drinking?

Are you drinking, are you having an icy? Are you gonna have yourself a Coca-Cola or water? What's the deal? What are you doing? I have hardly drank any soda in my life as well. I am not a soda guy at all when it comes to anything. Wow, good for you. That's good.

I've stayed away from soda, so I'm just a water guy. All right. Maybe a little lemonade every once in a while, but basic water, for me, is okay, is fine during a movie, not soda at all. I have a beverage-related question, Jackson, and sometimes when I'm seeing a movie, particularly a long movie,

I'm going to restrict my beverage intake because of the fear of having to get up and use the restroom during the film. Is that ever a concern of yours? Are you someone who you'll just power through and watch the whole movie? Especially when you're gonna criticize a movie, or you're gonna review a movie,

especially I assume you don't want to have to take a bathroom break. Oh yeah, right, right, yeah. I definitely take my time, I guess, when it comes to drinking the water, but I've never gotten up during the middle of the movie and have had to use the restroom. I think that's what's gonna happen to me in my life.

I do, there are a lot of times where, you know, you're sitting in a chair with the previews and with everything, you're talking almost three hours a lot of times, a lot of times where I dart right when the credits are done to the bathroom when I have to do that, or I go right before. There are a lot of times that, but never during the middle of a movie.

Let me apologize for my co-hosts for asking a urine-based question. No. No. Immediately. Don't worry about it. Well, Jackson, stay away from those sodas next year, especially if you're going to the same school

as Jimmy Fallon. Don't drink as much as that guy did in college, I'm sure that, yeah. Oh boy. I met Jimmy Fallon several years ago. He did an event at The Egg, which is one of the big performance centers in the Albany area, and he seemed like a really nice guy.

So, yeah, I'm looking forward to all the positive aspects of college. For sure, we're excited for you, buddy. We can't wait. Go ahead, Nick. Jackson, I wanted to ask you about another. This is a trend that is, I feel like, up and coming, and we certainly see it more and more

here in Southern California. I imagine it's made its way to Albany. The Dinan Theater. Now, this is the movie theater. It's a theatrical experience, but they've got table service. Some of them have, you know, waiters that are coming to your seats, and you're eating basically a full meal,

as opposed to just the normal movie snacks. Do you have an opinion on this concept, and is it something you've personally experienced yet? I haven't experienced it. I don't think too much in my life. Maybe once, maybe a long time ago on vacation or something, but who wants a waiter coming by you during the movie? It's a total distraction.

Anything is a distraction. Cell phones are a distraction. People talking is a distraction. Yeah. Chewing loudly is a distraction. I don't like the Dinan idea at all. Wow. Our way of eating, we can go about it, how we choose,

but it's just, there's too much, and what if you're eating like a fancy schmancy meal, and it gets messy, and you're trying to focus on the movie? No, no. I'm with you 100%, Jackson. I feel like let's just, we don't need to make a movie theater in a medieval times. Like let's just, let's keep that thing a separate activity.

Dinner and a movie, it's not dinner plus movie simultaneously. Those are separate activities. We have designated spaces. Well, I also think those are why, well, I think they are designated spaces. I think they have theaters where if that's what you want, yeah, you can go there,

and if that's not what you want, you can go somewhere else. Well, I'm just going on the record and saying it's not what I want, and I think Jackson's pretty clear that it's not what he wants. Jesus, all right. Hey, Jackson, have you ever been to the Alamo Draft House in Texas? I have never been to the Alamo Draft House, but boy, if I heard so much about them all for the years,

those theaters, oh my gosh. Yeah, it's a pretty cool experience, and I will say that they are a place that does it, they do it pretty well. They have decent food, and they have kind of full service, but they do it really, really well. They don't get in your way at all,

they slip in and out of there, and they deliver your food, and you barely notice anything. And you saw the Force Awakens at the Alamo Draft House, right? I did. I saw the Force Awakens opening night at the Alamo Draft House. It was me and John Ennis together. A fantastic actor.

A great actor, and it was... I'm going to tell you, Jackson, I don't know what you thought of the movie, but I disliked it quite a bit. I was not a fan of the Force Awakens. What did you think of the movie? I liked it, I didn't love it. I thought Harrison Ford was the best part of it.

He was fun to watch him and Chewie Mack at it, but it was an extraordinary, and I think that's one of the reasons why it didn't get nominated for Best Picture, because there was nothing about it that was revolutionary, amazing. Even the visual effects, they were great, but they weren't extraordinary.

There was nothing about it that was outstanding. It's a good film, but it tells a very simple story. Yeah, yeah. The story was weak. I'm with you, Jackson. I mean, I probably disliked it more than you. Nick liked it. I liked it.

I'm a, as opposed to being a popcorn skeptic, I am a Force Awakens supporter. But I will say this, Jackson. He also, he turned, his opinion changed. Yes. He hated it. He was making fun of it. And then he suddenly, you made a weird turn,

and you just decided that you were going to like it. You know, I had a change of heart up on the second screen. And actually, that's an interesting question for you, Lights, as a professional film critic. Have you ever had a change of heart on a subsequent viewing of a film, disliked it, seen it again, and liked it, or vice versa? I have had slight opinions change in a couple of cases

where I should have given it a higher grade or maybe a slightly lower grade. I have never had a drastic. I liked or loved it that became, I completely hated it. That's never happened. I do have a couple where I've given them B pluses. They could have gotten A's or A minuses. Sure.

All right. That happened to me with the latest Paul Thomas Anderson movie, what's it called? Inherent Vice. Inherent Vice, when I first saw it. Oh, I hated that. Oh my god, I hated that. No, Jackson.

See, when I saw it, I didn't love it. And then I went back and watched it again, and I loved it, the second screening. Yeah. Oh, jeez. It was two and a half hours, and I still, I don't know what the point of it was. It just happened.

It was just, it laid there. For me, it just laid there for two and a half hours. It was a Saturday night. I had a screener of it for award season. And afterwards, I went, why? Why? Well, Jackson, maybe you need a second viewing. I don't know if I have the time for that.

I just don't know. I understand. He's going to college, Mookie. Speaking of what you have time for, do you mind if I ask this one question? Mookie, go for it, of course. Jackson, I'm a big fan of yours. And the first role that I ever booked as a professional actor,

the first big role I ever booked, was a movie that came out in 2009 called Fired Up. I tried to look online to see if you had reviewed that movie, and I couldn't find a review of it. I'm wondering if you have seen that movie, and if so, did you review it? And if not, would you ever have an interest in watching it and reviewing it?

I know you're busy. It came out in 2009. It was directed by Will Gluck, director of Annie, and EZA, and Friends with Benefits. It was his directorial debut. Number one, Will Gluck. I liked the new Annie. A lot of people trashed it.

I think he did a great job with it. I have EZA on my DVR, and I'm going to watch that soon. And when it comes to Fired Up, when it came out in 2009, I was a little young, that type of a film. It's a raunchy comedy. It's a raunchy. I think I'll get around to it at some point. I think it will.

It would be my honor if you reviewed that movie on your own time. I know that you're busy. I know you're getting ready to go to college in the fall. Well, maybe in my downtime, in my college world, I'll take a little time. And why do you want to go to college? It's a nice dorm room comedy. Yeah, you got your first college assignment there, Jackson.

Yeah, and I want a full report by end of your first week of college. No, this is on your own time. But he wants one. He's serious. But I really do want it. And if you don't do it, I'll be upset. Jackson, I want to ask you what your favorite movies

are this year. I guess we could go summer movies, since it's summer movie season. We're about halfway through the year. A halfway point of 2016. What are your big orders so far? Give us your top five of the year so far. It's very interesting.

I guess I'll save the best one to last. A lot of my favorite movies this year are smaller movies. They're not Blackbuster huge films. One of my favorites is The Infiltrator with Brian Cranston. I thought it was great. That was a lot of fun. Haven't seen it. I have to give Disney a lot of props on Zootopia.

They crafted an animated movie with such a live-action script to it. It's an animated movie, but it's such a feel of a live-action film. I've also seen an animated film not out yet, but people are going to see it very soon, called Kubo and the Two Strings. It is very, very good.

That is up there. Inside info, love it. It's a good one. And my fourth one, I'd have to go with the meddler, Susan Sarandon. If you haven't seen that, she is so good in this. It's inspired by the real life of this writer-director named Lorraine Scaffaria, who did Seeking a Friend for the End

of the World. And it's another winner here. But I have to tell you, my favorite film of the year so far is Me Before You, which is the romance that came out with Amelia Clark in June and Zika Laughlin. Yeah, based on the novel. And her performance is so incredible and so emotionally investing.

And yeah, it is a tremendous film. It is. You softy, Jackson. I see you've got a romantic film you like. Is your number one, huh? I'm surprised, too. But I usually have a couple of films every year that I don't know what that surprised me.

And I get emotionally attached to more than most people. Like, for me, it's Me and Quentin Tarantino. I think we're the only two people that basically said The Intern was one of the best films of 2015. Wow. Oh, wow. That's a bold stance. He did make that statement.

And I agree with him. The Intern was in my top 10. DeNiro and Hathaway together were just dynamite. Yeah, we're talking The Intern with DeNiro and Hathaway as opposed to The Internship with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, which is a very different film. Oh, yeah. The Internship was one of my top 10 favorite films.

You and Quentin Tarantino. Yeah, me and Quentin Tarantino. But Jackson, I want to ask you, real quick, we're running out of time here. But I want to ask you, do you have any favorite food movies? Like, for me, what comes to mind is Big Night, the film Big Night, which we've talked about before on the podcast. But do you have anything, any movies that exist in the world

of food that have particularly appealed to you? Anything come to mind? Oh, there's so many good ones. I mean, another one was Stanley Tucci, Julie and Julia. Oh, sure. I mean, that was Meryl Streep, so good in that. I love The Hundred Foot Journey. It came out with Helen Mirren a couple of years ago.

Not a lot of people saw it. I thought it was a really, really sweet movie. And then there's other ones. There's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Ratatouille. Oh, sure, yeah. Which I think Ratatouille is the second best Pixar movie with Cars being at number one. You're a big Cars advocate.

I am a big Cars fan. I'm so excited. Cars, huh? Cars is next year, you guys. Cars 3 is next year. Oh my god, Cars 3. And you liked it, see, because a lot of people, even people who liked Cars 1, some of them

were maybe a little bit less into Cars 2. But you're a Cars 2 supporter. I am a Total Cars 2 supporter. I liked Cars 2. It's not as good as Cars, though I will say. The late great Roger Ebert gave a more positive review to Cars 2 than he did Cars. I didn't know that.

I respect Roger Ebert and all he said. Yes, Cars 2 is a great film. I have Cars 2 at 4, right behind Toy Story 3 when we look at the Pixar film. Yeah, the Cars franchise was very, very high in your Pixar ratings. We're all taking a look at those. An iconoclastic choice, but I respect you for sticking to it.

Do you have it? Cars 3 and Episode 8 next year, huh? Oh yeah, two big ones. Have you been to the Cars Land at Disneyland by chance in the California Venture? In fact, I have been to the Cars Land, which was really cool. I got to go there for a day and spend some time a little bit there a couple hours.

I also, I think it was that same day, I did a story around the castle and around that area at Disneyland when Saving Mr. Banks came out. Oh, right. And because they shot, yeah, they shot several of the scenes there. That was my favorite film of 2013. Oh, all right.

It was a drama Thompson deserved to be nominated for the Oscar. She deserved to win the Oscar. She was so good in that with Tom Hanks. So yes, I got to experience Cars Land and all the Saving Mr. Banks stuff. That's awesome. Nick talks about Cars Land way too much.

I love Cars Land. Hey, Jackson, I got a question for you. Nick, I don't know if this is stepping on a question you were going to ask him. At the end of the year, you do a roundup where you talk about the DVDs you got, the 12 DVDs of Christmas. You know what I'm talking about.

Is that tradition going to keep alive now? You're going to college? Are we still going to get those at the end of the year? Oh yeah, I'm going to do that until DVDs no longer exist. You don't have much time. I don't know how much time. Well, it'll be the 12 Blu-rays. Yeah, the 12.

I don't know what's going to get on the 12 digital copies. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, the 12 brain chip downloads is where we might be headed, folks. Well, as long as there's a song and you're on video doing it, I think we'll be happy. That's true. Jackson, before we let you go, so you're doing a number.

You're doing just a storm of podcast appearances now. And there's a good cause behind this. Do you want to tell us about that real quick? I do, yes. I'm doing the LCJ Podathon. I'm going on so many podcasts, including yours, raising money for Make-A-Wish. Make-A-Wish is so close to my heart.

Movies can change your life. People can change your life. And for so many, including a few friends of mine and their families, Make-A-Wish changed their lives. It makes dreams come true. So I am counting on everybody who is listening to this podcast right now. If you go to twitter.com slash lcjreviews,

you see the pinned tweet that I have there. Click on the link. It'll take you to the CrowdRide page. Click on a big orange button that says donate. You can donate just $10, or you can donate more to Make-A-Wish. Please donate to Make-A-Wish. Haven't been getting a lot of donations honestly through this, counting on everybody listening to do that

to support Make-A-Wish and to support this Podathon. Well, Lights is a great cause. We've got a lot of very generous listeners. We'll tweet that link out and we'll sure we'll help your coffers there a little bit. Lights, camera, Jackson, thank you so much for joining us here on Doe Boys. We really appreciate your time.

And yeah, we're looking forward to this year's edition of the 12 days of DVD Christmas. Yes, yes fellas. Thank you very much, appreciate it. All right, take care, buddy. Thank you so much. Bye, Jackson. All right, bye-bye guys, thank you.

Thanks. All right, just like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Jeff Renfrow. Jeff Renfrow, all right. Great name. It's beach season and there are some foods that I eat only at the beach.

Saltwater Taffy is hugely popular here on the Oregon coast and even though I think they are disgusting, I have a hard time passing up an elephant ear. Do you guys have any beach only snacks for this time of year, any regional favorites you know of? Elephant ears are, it's like fried dough, right? Oh yeah, okay, okay. Is that what that is?

I've never heard of it. Yeah, it's like a big funnel cake or like a... Yeah, I think that's what they are, but yeah, that's a good beach one. You know, I always think of like, Mookie and I being New England boys. You know, I think of a little lobster roll or something or like, you know, like I feel like when I was younger,

it would be like potato, people would pack potato chips, cooler with like some lemonade, maybe they'd have some sandwiches, or you know, like if you go to a beach, there's also like hot dogs I feel like are like a big like beach food. Like a... Yeah, like pier food is like carnival food basically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. I think there is a big breakdown between, are we talking pier food, which also doesn't necessarily have to be on the pier, there can be like kind of like beach front, kind of like a hot dog or whatever stands. That's what Saltwater Taffy evokes for me is kind of the seaside town.

Yeah, yeah. Kind of like the, that's sort of a touristy area. Why? I mean, do they actually use Saltwater from the ocean for Saltwater Taffy? I don't know. Excuse me, I think like funnel cake, it's something that's come to exist only

as kind of a novelty food, even though I personally think funnel cake could succeed as a chain in a mall kiosk. You've said this before. I've said this before, but... It's dumb. But I will say my answer for beach foods are, I don't have any beach, like I only have this at the beach,

but I will enjoy a corn dog. I like you go like a corn dog stand near the ocean front, and I'm not someone who goes in the water, but I'll someone who maybe is wear some sandals and gets a little sand between my toes. Why don't you go in the water? Oh, I don't want to take my shirt off. I don't want to deal with that.

Yeah, you know what? You and I can agree on this. But I'm more afraid of sharks. Yeah, well, sharks are rare occurrence. Here's the thing, I like the water. I like to be by the water. I like swimming even. I just don't love laying in the sand at the beach.

That's not a thing I like to do. Like going to the beach is such an exhausting endeavor. It's like, it's far away. It's like walking on sand is difficult. It burns your feet. Yeah, it's hot. The ocean water is like too cold or too salty. It's like, I don't enjoy the beach

or going to the beach that much. I 100% get that. We live seven minutes about from the beach in Santa Monica. And we just never go because it's just, like why bother? Why go and get crowded with people? And there's other people, yeah. And it's sandy. And there's a lovely public pool in Santa Monica

has that we can make use of if we want to take a dip. Plus that whole thing with you where you can't, you have to keep yourself like 100 feet away from most children. But no, in terms of food, I'll tell you what's always good in any sort of waterside situation. An ice cold brew dog. Yeah.

I'll always suck down one of them bad boys. They'll get you tossed though. I'll tell you that much. If you're having a beach day and you're having some beers. That's true, yeah. They'll get you messed up. That's also one of those things too that like, I almost never, ever, ever eat this kind of thing.

But like, outdoors at the beach like a popsicle or something. Yes. A popsicle. I never will eat a popsicle. A snow cone is very much. One of the things that you like suck it out of the like the plastic pack. Oh yeah.

The long. Freeze pops. Freeze pops. Yeah, a non-dairy dessert is very refreshing. In any sort of beach side situation. I agree with that. That's a very great specific question. Jeff, thanks for writing in.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doboyspodcast.jr.com. A nice little summer question for the summer Olympics. It's seasonally appropriate. It's not confrontational. It's just something we can discuss. That's the kind of email we love to receive.

Check out our Facebook page, Do Boys, follow us on Twitter at doboyspod. Please rate and review us on the iTunes Store. Mookie Blake Locke, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. We're gonna have to have you back on an episode that's not some dumb fucking sucker bullshit. I had a great time.

Anytime, anytime, anytime. Do you have anything you would like to plug at this time? Oh my God, follow me at Lil MookieBee on Twitter. Follow at Garbage Babies on Instagram. Adorable dogs. Adorable, adorable dogs. I have two dogs that snuggle all the time and I just want them to have followers.

We're gonna have my kittens meet up with your dogs. They'll kill each other. It'll be melee. Oh really? Yeah, it'll be a bloodbath. No, I think they would probably all just ignore each other or be scared of each other. I think the kittens will ride the dogs around.

Mitch, I don't think you know how animals work. We'll see. I would love to see that. This thing on, you have to sign up for Go 90, but Tween Fest. Oh yeah, we're in Tween. That's right. A fighter diaper that Mitch and I are both in.

The trailer went up yesterday. Made by, written by two really funny guys. Nick Cerelli and Brad Evans. Brad Evans. Two very, very funny young writers and then also our pal Scott Gairdner who was on for our Hard Rock Cafe episode. Directed it.

Directed it. I ran the show. I worked on it in a very, very small amount just in the pitching phase, but I have- It's really funny. They cut a lot of your stuff out. They cut all my stuff out.

But from what I've seen it, it came together really funny and I've heard you guys are very, very funny in it. So yeah, check that out. Mookie, one of the funniest guys around. One of the funniest dudes around. We love Mookie. Thanks guys, I love you guys.

We'll have you back on something that's not a complete clusterfuck. That'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. Until next time, for The Spoonman, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigar. Happy eating. See ya. Feral audio.