Doughboys - Drac-Dough-Ber-Fang: LongHorn Steakhouse with Eva Anderson

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

Eva Anderson (@evafay, Margo's Got Money Troubles) joins the 'boys to talk vampires, haunted houses, and immersive experiences before a review of LongHorn Steakhouse. Plus, a Drac-Dough-Ber-Fang edition of Drac or Garlac.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. Hey, buddy, the stars at night are big and bite? Deep in the heart of Texas.

We are going to be in Houston at the Houston Improv on November 17th, Dallas of the Addison Improv on November 18th. And November 19th in Austin Wags at Capital City Comedy Club.

And then we're going, Austin to Boston. November 25th, we're in Boston at the Wilbur theater, a little homecoming show before Thanksgiving. Wow. I've heard of Austin Powers, but Boston Powers? Yeah, Celtics. Tickets at birdfuck.com slash live. Texas, Boston. We'll see in November.

And check out Hidden America with Jonah Ray, where we did Boston Powers. We have wall-to-wall people lined up to use the phones to call home and say, they're stranded. This quote was from a contemporaneous account of Atlanta's disastrous snow jam of 1982, a blizzard that froze the city both literally and figuratively, leading motorists to abandon their snowed-in cars on the roadway. One year earlier, in 1981, George McHaro Jr. had opened a Texas-themed steakhouse in Atlanta within the hollowed shell of a former adult bookstore. But the concept struggled in its early days. Customers could not transition from stroking their meat to poking their meat with forks.

From jacking off to hacking off, bites of steak. From loads of cum to loaded baked potatoes, you get the idea. The young beatery turned eatery was in danger of dying in the crib. But then, in a twist worthy of M. Knight Sharmelon, salvation came through disaster. The 1982 Snow Jam inspired Macero Jr. to sell one-dollar drinks as outreach to the city. The stunt was a wild success, attracting new customers and generating local media attention, leading the location to thrive and later expand. In 1996, now with dozens of locations, the chain acquired the Capitol Grill, and one year later, the merged company was bought by Rare Hospitality International, rare being the bloodiest temperature of cooked flesh.

Then, in August 2007, Rare itself was acquired by Darden Brands, the owners of Olive Garden, Yard House, and Bahama Breeze. Today, with nearly 600 locations, Macero Jr. has proved that everything's bigger in Texas, including the ever-growing body count of cattle who are killed and grilled for profit in the till. The unborn children from wads shot in this former porno store are now outnumbered by the murdered cows consumed on its grounds. This week on Doe Boys, Dract Dobe Fang, 2026, a spook Dracula month of Stakes and Stakes continues with the menace of Longhorn Steakhouse. Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Ware, Tiger Wiger, along with my co-host, no stew rotu, no stream of blood, aka Count Ozempic, the spoon vamp Mike Mitchell. Count Ozumpic. I guess that's a, I guess that's a plan, Count Orleans.

Lock. I got it. I get it. Ozempic orlock. And it kind of, this kind of works. Wow. I like it.

Mitch, Hey, bloody. Hey, I'm the spoon fang. What do you think of that? Spoon fang instead of spoon vamp. Oh,

you say spoon famp? I've been saying spoon vamp. I can change it as spoon vamp. I'm not married to spoon vamp. There's a, we should clarify for audio listeners. You're dressed up as white blade. There's an elephant in the room.

I'm dressed up as Spike from Buffy. And you have fangs on and the fangs on and the fangs are definitely obstructing your speech. I'm white. I'm white blade, aka Butterknife. I was excited to say. It's pretty good.

We should mention that both Amelia and our guest thought that White Blade was a canonical character. Yeah, they didn't know what I was talking about. White Blade? Let's look up White Blade. I got to get credit where credit to you.

You said I should dress up as a white blade and then I ran with it. I really like it. I have fangs. And the fangs look good. Yeah. So enjoyed them for a moment because they're,

I can fucking take these things out. They look really good. They look great. They look great. Very beautifully. And I think that if I was doing, if like trick or treaters are come up, I'd be like, lew, welcome.

Like it would be, you could be like, leh, like, it would be easy to talk. Right. But like doing a podcast. Oh, wait a minute. Can I just keep them inside my mouth and does that work better? Do you usually do with your mouth? Yeah. I'm saying, do I sound more normal now?

Yeah. Yeah, you are. So I can just talk. You're just changing your mouth differently? Yeah. I just, I like, put the teeth inside my mouth now. What were you doing? I'm doing this.

Oh, well, yeah, that's the issue. Yeah, but it's hard. My canines aren't, everyone was saying my canines are short. Wait, really? They were? Yeah, they look like normal teeth. Wow. My canines are a little tiny canines, apparently.

I don't like my canines short. I like them beat. Oh, Jimmy. Jemmy. Horny Southern Bell. All right, now, actually, I might be able to keep them in all episode. Do I sound normal right now? You sound normal when you're not tucking your lower lip under your fangs.

Here's the thing. I unsheath this sword. Yeah, so this is the alien. I'm going to sound like I have a Lisp if I do it, the whole episode. That's fine. I don't care. Our audio listeners, who are the bulk of our audience. I think Lisp are cute.

Mitch has, I think they're cute too. Mitch has an actual katana, and it is unsheathed currently, and is making me very nervous. Wags is very nervous already. I unsheathed it. Emily did not tell me it was an actual real fucking soul. And it scared the shit out of me. Meanwhile, Wags looks like he's trying to sneak into senior prom. Oh, man.

You look insane. I really do. That's insane for me to say, because I know I look insane as White Blade. Yes. I think you definitely have the cooler costume, but I'm happy to be Spike from Buffy. Oh, that's who you are.

I thought you were like, I thought you were the other guy. No, I said Spike from Buffy. I already said that. Okay, okay. I do like the Pillion necklace I have here, the little lock on the necklace. Do you see Pillion?

I did not. Great movie. It looks hot. Yeah, it is. It's very. hot. It's very hot. Oh, all right. You two are nodding. A sensual film.

Feast for the eyes. Can you record with sunglasses? It's kind of, oh, man. It's kind of weird. On top of that. You can record with sunglasses. I've seen Gad do it. Gad gets it on a podcast and take off the sunglasses. Some gad can do it. You can do it. Maybe I'll do it. Mel.

And Gad we trust. Mitch, why are we doing any of this for people who have not been paying attention? It's just because we are continuing Drac Dober Fang, a spook Dracula month of Stakes and Stakes, all Steakhouses in the Main Feed, or Vane Feed, and Dracula content over on Patreon and the Do Boys double or bloodl. That's right, Blacks. The bluddle is the double. The bluddle is the double. I think there is glue leaking into my mouth.

Maybe you should take them off. It's fine. I think it's fun. Okay. I want to be, I want to, first of all, you said that's not very Drac-like when I said I was going to take them off. So now, so you're giving me mixed signals. I wasn't, I didn't be in, like, I wasn't trying to influence your behavior. You can take off your fucking.

I have a bunch of sticky tics. tissues next to my chair here. What else is new? Don't aspirate a thing. That would be terrible. I'm not going to mess. I'm not going to bite through my lip. Everything's going to be fine.

I have a bunch of, yes, this is normal. You're trying to say that I jack off in studio. Yeah, that was the implication. It's got to be able to focus on the podcast. Thanks to y'all for all the laughs. I discovered the podcast in 2020 when I was missing being able to go out and eat shit and I've been laughing ever since. More recently, your openness discussing GLP1

usage inspired me to talk with my doctor about it and I recently started taking Wagovi. Cheers, Eli E. Roes at Birdfock.com. Godspeed, Eli. Wait, what did you call me? The Ozempic? He's with me. Count Ozempic. Yeah, no. He's a count Ozepic. He's been turned. I've bitten him. Did you get the no-stue, no stream

in his, his rose? It's a very, very pro-mitch. I like this one. I like this guy. Yeah. Mitch, we should mention for whenever you started becoming a listener of the podcast, And we are coming to a few different cities. We can potentially see us live. We are going to be in Houston on November 17th, Dallas, November 18th, Austin, November 25th. And November 25th, we will be in Boston.

That is a pre- Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Eve show. So tickets to birdfogne. Are you guys going to the mothership in Austin? Yeah, we'll be there. Four nights. We're playing there. Nice. But you're just doing Kill Tony.

We're just doing Kill Tony. Then we're leaving. We're leaving town. It'll be Gril Tony when we're on it. What does this license plate say? Grilledoni. He'll like that. Does it say I roast?

Isn't that his vanity license plate? Does it? That's fun. All I had to say to all that is, bleu. Oh, I'm not been doing bleh. You have to say bleu. Blah. Bleu.

Blah. Blah. We were saying, Emilia and Emma, who weren't here last week. We've been saying blea. So, blea. It's kind of fun. You don't have to say it. Blin.

I will say it. Okay. On a scale of want to. 10, if the three of us walked into your movie theater, how scared would you be? Ten being the most scared. I'm probably leaving the theater. Yeah. I think the unsheaved sword goes a long way.

Even if I didn't have this sword and I walked in like this, you'd probably be a little nerve. Yeah, you're wearing the tactical vest of the fingerless gloves. I mean, everything is a little suspect there. Yeah. I just look like a weirdo and our guest looks like a million bucks. I look like I'm in dark city. I'm wearing Amelia's jacket.

But I didn't know those costumes today. There's costumes. I wasn't thinking about it. I was like, oh, of course. I should have costumes. Will they get more elaborate as you're gone, or will they get less elaborate? We don't know. We're going to find out.

We don't really know what's going to happen. All we know, it's, it's strapped overfang. I'm going to see shit. I know you're afraid. I'm going to she's it. Okay. Yeah. Jimmy woke up and is like her eyes were wide over the second.

It looks like a skirt around. It looks fucking cool. It is fucking cool. Who's your weirdo friend who owns this sword? My friend Jake Spurley, let me borrow it. I think you met him at my birthday party last year. He owns. a fucking sword? What's up Jake?

What's up Jake? Oh, jeez. Man, should I be a sword guy? No. Yes. No. I was actually surprised you didn't get a sword in Japan. Maybe I should, can you, can you get a sword ship back?

I bet you probably can. Amelia actually, Jimmy, wash your sword. Amelia actually She's watching it. Amelia actually had a backup that was more appropriate for me, she said, as here is my new blade. That's good. It's like a mini spatula?

Yeah. That's cute. That's good. Yeah. Wags. Yes. There's a couple of important questions we have. Okay.

To start off the episode. Okay. You're going to ask our guest to these questions before we formally introduce her. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. Eva. Yes.

Mm-hmm. What is your stance on Drax? Ooh. I'm generally in favor. Mm-hmm. I think I prefer Lagosi to Gary Oldman. Wow. But I also think that Dracula is by far the weakest of the original universal horror films.

That's fair. You know what I love? And we maybe talked about this before. I love the Invisible Man. Visible Man's awesome. The Mummy is very, very quality. The Mummy was good. And Frankenstein is good, made by an insane gay man.

All the acting is really good. Yeah. Dracula kind of lame. Yeah, Dracula, yeah, it's just okay. But I do, like, Vlad the Impaler. Historical figure. Yeah. And we had an Uber driver up in Portland who sang his praises.

He's a Vlad deadender, a Vlad defender. That's not, isn't also. He was a modernizer. He was a Romanian guy. That's cool. Someone in the Trump administration also posted it. Oh, yeah. It was that guy who was the head of Border Patrol who got fired.

He was like, I'm at the tomb of Vlad the Impaler. He got canceled for. Oh my God. For being a Dracula? Yeah, that man. You've got some stuff. Being a Dracula is not great. Look, we like to celebrate them, but it's not great to be a Dracula.

Yeah. Or just to be just a genocidal maniac, which I think was the actual, the impaler. Right. Kill a bunch of people. This is the thing today where he was like, Trump said that Starship Troopers was like the inspiration for like the Space Force. Oh, no. Barrehoven was like, well, that's not what the movie's supposed to be about. Like, he tried to explain it.

You can always count on dipshits to take any sort of sci-fi that's about a dystopia at face value and think it's good. Yeah. Like it's just it's, that's, that's inevitable. Totally. This could be a warning of some coming future and they're like, oh, we should make that. Neil Patrick Harris just is an SS outfit at the end of Starship. Right. Yes.

Yeah. He just dress them of like a total Nazi. It's not subtle. Yeah. It's not subtle at all. And yet so many people can completely miss the point. It's like fight club. That moment where it says when he's like, it's scared.

It's great. And everyone cheers. This is a great moment. It is. We use it as a meme a lot while I like in our text groups. It's afraid. It's afraid. That's what it is.

It's afraid. Follow-up question. Yes. What's your history with the original blood-sucking fanatic? With Dracula? The original blood-sucking fanatic. I definitely dressed up like him for one Halloween. Wow.

I like vampires. And I like Dracula. I like the book of Dracula, too. And actually, I had a video game. I think it was a CDI, Phillips Magnificx CDI, or it was a Sega CD. Okay. That was called Dracula Unleashed, which was like a full motion video Dracula game. That sounds fucking awesome.

I'm familiar with it. It had bad acting and I played all the way through it. That was such a 90s, like, time stamped sort of artifact is the full motion video video, like, video game. Like, it's just like actual film scenes. Yeah. It's barely interactive. Yeah. And then the acting is, sometimes there'll be like one legit actor, but it's mostly pretty

execrable. So you're just watching just like a weird movie. Yes, yeah. It would suck to be around back then and audition for it and not get the bad acting job. Yeah. Which I probably would happen. I'm sure it happened to a lot of people. Did you play?

We're talking, we're recording with the Resident Evil movie about to come out. This episode's coming out later. But did you play Resident Evil One for PlayStation? I did. So that has full motion video acting. Oh, but I didn't play that version of it that has the video. Yeah.

You played the remake? I played the remake. Yeah, which was like on Nintendo 64 maybe. They poured it over and they got the Resident Evil 2 is on Nintendo 64. They had a, the full motion video is in the PlayStation and the Saturn releases and it is exactly that. It's like,

it's just like people acting as the characters from Resident Evil, you know, like Leon Kennedy, but they're just like random people they cast who don't really know what they're doing. It's really fun. And the wardrobe looks super cheap. Johnna Wilson, Griffin Newman, Zach Cherry. They all did a much better job than that last night when I saw the movie. Wow. They were great.

I cannot wait to see this. That's a lot of fun. It's great. That's very fun. I feel like... Zach Cherry plays himself for the first time that I've ever seen on screen. You'll see when you see the movie. Wow.

Emma Amelia, I feel like, should get to weigh in on this question because they were absent last week. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, guys. What's your history with Drax? That's a good question. Oh, wait. I'm sorry. What's your stance on Drax?

That's the first question. I'm pro-Draq. You're pro-Draq? Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I feel pretty neutral. I guess I'm pro-Drake.

Okay. All right. Yeah. And also, what's your history with the original blood-sucking fanatic? Um, well, vampires in general, I dressed up as a vampire a couple years ago when I was working on. what we do in the shadows. Oh, fun. The co-workers.

What did you do on what we do in the shadows? I was a post-P.A. Wow. I didn't know this war. Did you? I did know this, yeah. But you dressed up as a vampire just for fun. Is there always just that I'm not paying enough attention?

Is that the issue here? Yes. This is not a thing that's touched on often, but Amelia has mentioned it. Yeah. And I worked with the editors and stuff for what we do in the shadows. And they would have me do voices sometimes. So you could hear my voice in some of that episode. That's awesome.

fun. I don't have much experience with Daxx. I guess this is my first real experience with Dax. Wow. We're honored, right? Yeah. Yeah, we're honored. What are we doing in the shadows?

The first time ever where I got a thing that was like, hey, you booked the job on what we doing the shadows. I was like, great. And then I didn't hear anything for a long time. I was like, what's the deal? And they didn't get it. What did that mean? Why did they do that?

I don't know. I have no fucking idea. It was my old manager. I don't know, maybe who you once had. Maybe that was a part of the problem. Wires may have gotten crossed. Emblee and Vamalia? Vamplia?

Yeah, we'll work on it. We'll work on it. No, I think that's perfect. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, that's good. You got a drop to play. A drop of blood. I just love to that.

Emma, hit him with a drop of blood. Regular fucking. That's a yawn. I need something a little bit more specific. You show stuff up your dick hole. I dropped a jalapeno in my lap. My shorts are absolutely covered in wing sauce because it was sauce to fuck. It's sauce in powers.

I have spiced dick. Ooh. A lot of fun. It's nice to hear that you can be a dipshit on ourselves, too. It's not just me. I feel like it's always me. Hi, I'm sending this on Labor Day. Here's an all-tiger drop to celebrate his favorite holiday.

Wow. I love that. Spoonation for Life, though. Count Drupula. Hell yeah. Wow, thanks, Count Dropula. Happy Labor Day. I belated Labor Day to everyone.

And Tisk. Tisk for working. on Labor Day. Tisk, tis. Mitch, we're talking to drops at birdfuck.com. We're talking... I almost made us work on Labor Day. No, you didn't.

Well, you see, you put that. I mean, I was just trying to make it work. It was fine. There's no issue here. I was trying to make it work because of Hanford's fucking insane schedule. You floated an option. What the fuck is going on with Hanford when he's out here?

I don't know. He's a busy man. I was trying to get, we're trying to lock down Hanford? We got it. This was the podcast after fucking, the guy who I did, was on a sketch team with for 12 years? We figured it out. We had to record it nine at night, but we We're able to do it.

That's so crazy. Hanford was free a Tuesday night at 9 p.m. Thanks, Hamford. That's when we finally got you, which was good for Stratz, wags. It was good for a Stratz, yes,

of course, right. I mean, you're a daywalker. I'm a daywalker. This was no issue for me getting the studio today, but you were probably burning up. Absolutely, yeah.

No, I can't be exposed to the son's rays too often or else I cook to a crisp as Dracula more as it. Let's get you back in an acting class. What the fuck's going on? Sorry, it's very... Can I tell people that, or are we trying to keep that secret? It's very late at night for me, because I've got Dracula's sleeping schedules.

That's good. Mitch, I was going to say... Can we say, can we divulge that information or no? We don't... I don't care. Yeah. Well, I couldn't tell you would care. You're taking... You're taking an acting class. And then I was like, ah, fuck it. I've never taken an acting class. I like taking an acting class, and Amelia's also taking an acting class. We're all taking the same... You two are the same class together. school, not different schools? At the same school, at the same time.

Yeah. And then my class was running along. I was doing like an exercise where I was walking across the room. I look out the window, I see these two dipshit smiling. Just laughing at me as I'm doing my eyes. As I'm doing some very serious work. We said when you got out, we were going to give you a swirling. Yeah, we thought you had detention.

I love this higher education. It's fun. It's so fun. It's a, whatever. You get older. You try to keep learning things. Yeah, I love that. I do it, I do.

And I love that you did it as well. Emma? I'm going to find a class to take, I guess, on Monday nights. Mitch, I was going to mention that I have a skeeter bite. I got bit by a mosquito, a nature's Dracula. Oh, my God, nature's Dracula. I got one right here. Now is that mosquito, a drachsquito now or no?

Oh, yeah, it's a drachskeeto. Our guest today, returning to the show, the first ever doughboy's guest, the writer and co-show runner of the Emmy winning Margot's Got Money Trouble, Eva Anderson is here. Hi, guys. Hi, Eva. We love Eva. We won for makeup, hair, and costumes.

Hell yeah. It is true. Congratulations. Thank you. It was very cool, and those departments are the coolest. That's incredible. Very, very cool. You just went to the Emmys as of this record.

Yes. Were there any notable bites there? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, first of all, the Emmys are actually held in the crypto arena. So during the ceremony. I like the first part of that. The first syllable, yeah. I like, okay, I'm done.

I like the first syllable of that. Whatever. The only thing you can eat during the ceremony is nachos. Really? So people just have nachos in their laps. They're eating nachos and like sour patch kids. Like the concessions are open. They just have normal snacks.

Yeah. Wow. But then afterwards you get to go to the governor's gala. And they had like little tiny hand rolls, a hand roll bar where you wait in a line in someone made you a hand roll and handed it to you. And they had French dips. Is Gavin Newsome there? No, I was looking for him.

I was screaming his name, but he wasn't there. In our acting class, we watched a video that was from Jennifer Seibel Newsom. Did you notice that? Oh, really? Yeah, in one of the, the video you watched, too. Gavin Newsom's wife, who I've said it before on the podcast, but one of my first jobs in L.A. was being a PA on Gavin Newsom's wife, Jennifer, her movie. What movie? Called The Trouble with Romance.

What is it? Is it that you're married to Gavin News? You're being held me against by gruesome newsome. This is, this is, this is, this is maybe pre-newsum. All I remember about that was that there was a horrible AD and he was yelling. Assistant director. Assistant director. And he was like, and I was working with like this, this sweet guy who was also a PA and he was very, uh,

production assistant. Uh, he was very soft spoken. Yeah. Uh, he got nothing for that. Quiet. Yeah, that's good. He was very soft spoken. and the AD was like, hey, can we get the PAs here?

And, like, we were moving a table, as he said. There was two of us. And he was like, can we get the PAs here? Like, started yelling. And I was like, hey, man, we're moving. And he was a jerk to us the entire time. And I was like, hey, man, we're moving a table. So, like, get off our backs.

And then he was like, who the fuck just said this? And, like, blew up on set. Whoa. And he came to me. You don't talk to me. I'm the fucking AD. And started screaming at me. I was like, I was like, I don't need this job.

I was like, I don't need to do this. I can leave this job. I don't care. Like, you're yelling, you're embarrassing us and we're, like, doing work while you're screaming about us in front of people. And then, uh, and the person who hired me, who was great, Chrissy off it was like, was taking my side. And I never, I was like scared when I was doing this, but I was like, I'm sticking up for me

and this guy. Good for you. You're in the middle of doing a task. I was in the middle of doing a task. And then later they were like, he's going through a divorce right now. I'm like, well, don't fucking bring it to work. Yeah. What's the wrong with you?

Going through a divorce because he yells his wife for moving tables. He then was at the end of it He was very nice But it was like You know what I mean Still don't need that fucking energy You don't need that energy Exactly

Give me a break And then Jennifer Newsom was like I always thought you were so nice And I was like I am fucking nice Sticking up for yourself You can still be nice If you stick up for yourself

She thought you weren't being nice In that moment That's like what she said to me She was like Oh my God I thought you were so so nice And then you were like You really got angry there or whatever

And I was like He was being a fucking asshole He was screaming at people I'm maybe taking his side. Oh, fuck you. He's a taskmaster like you. Oh, man. Move the table, do the pod.

I get stuff done. And you know what? The tables are always in the right places. So. Hey, the tables are always in the right places with this guy. The tables. The table master. The table master.

It's like keeping the trains moving. Is that what it is? Like keeping the trains on time. That's why. My dream. Eva. So you're at the. the governor's ball.

Yeah. Like, what was the food scene like there? It was, it was, they had like little French dips. Love that. And they had, yeah, you went in a long line and then someone would just make you a hand roll, like a spicy

tuna hand roll. Yeah. It was really good. And those are the only two bites I had. But there's like little different stations with different chefs around the governor's ball, which was very exciting. And people also handing out little rice crispy treats and little starry short cakes that look like.

So that was cool. Where is the governor's ball? It was inside the convention center. Oh, so it's right next. walk directly from one to the other. Wow. Yeah. Inside the governor's sack.

And then we also went to the Apple Party, which was because it was an Apple show, Marco. And so the Apple Party had a little bit of a strange DJ situation where the DJ was kind of like almost like it seemed like playing like wedding music, which was weird. Okay. But then Jeff Hiller from Widows Bay got in and was the DJ for a while. Oh my God. His character in the show is a DJ. For a while, he did his DJ character, which was really fun. Wow.

So it was great night and very grateful that I got to have that experience. It was cool. So cool. Congratulations. Thank you. Does Apple party seems like something you'd be interested in. It's like a lemon party. You fucked an apple.

I'm only bobbing these days. He's only bad. I'm only bobbing. Also, I might stay in this wardrobe and go to cloak and dagger after this. Hit up middle dish, see what's going on. club? I was like, yeah, I know that club. Is that still going? I don't know. Great question. Can we look that up if cloak and dagger is still going? Maybe it's on Yelp.

Mitch, we're dressed as blade and spike, as we mentioned. Blades and spikes, I was thinking pretty essential to eating. Oh, yeah. Which is more important. Ooh. I'm going to say, even though I'm spike here, I think you need the blade more. Then the spike? Because I think, I think it's just essential for food preparation. I feel like you got to cut. Oh, I thought you meant for eating. I don't want to eat off a knife. Like guest on. It's permanently closed. That's a bummer.

Oh, man. We could buy it and reopen. Yeah, we could reopen it. Do Boys Media presents. Cloak and dagger. Cloak and doger. I guess, okay, the active eating, then yes, I'd rather have a spike than a blade. But like, if we're talking more generally about food, you need a knife for food preparation.

And it's pretty essential. Not always. Maybe you're just making a little pudding. Okay, maybe you're making a little pudding you don't know. Maybe you're making a little pudding. Yeah. You know, you just have... You can't gel.

But a man can not survive on pudding alone. I can. Well, you can. I can do it. I can figure it out. Pudding only. I guess Dracula survive on blood alone. Yeah.

That's not far afield. Yes, yes, yes. We would want this party, we would want an actual hand roll, right, Lags? Yes. Right. A roll with a hand inside? Yes, yeah. A bloody hand.

Instead of nachos, uh, blotchos. Yeah, bletchos. Blood shows. Blood shows. Yeah, blood shows. No one's here as a Buffy. I mean, you and I like Blade. No, no one here is a Buffy fan, I don't think. No, I just, I only like, like, Josh Whedon, like, his opinions in person. I'm a fan of that, but not of the show specifically. Right. I, no, I didn't watch too much. I watched, it was kind of like, when it came out, I was at the perfect age and I maybe watched like a little of the first season.

I've seen some of Buffy, but I'm not like, like, like, I'm not like, like, I'm not like, The Buffy fans are like completis. I think there's some people within our crew that likes it, right? Yeah, we definitely know people who love Buffy. Rochell, the ranch, the headgum employee who'd get played producer as a Buffy fan. Buffy not. I like the Buffy movie. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, me too, with Paul Rubens. The Forgotten Buffy movie. And he's like, he's the, he has the, he's like, his character is like a bad vampire, and then he gets stabbed and he just dies forever. Yeah, he's like, uh. And he's screaming in their faces, like, moaning in their faces. It's so funny. It's like he has a sense of humor.

In that world, it seems like he has a sense of humor about himself dying. It's very good. It's good. And also, this was post, wasn't this, it just after he got caught masturbating in the theater, which was not, which he shouldn't have gotten in trouble in anyways. There was a porn theater. Yeah, I think there's a few years later. But it was like a little bit of a comeback role for him then.

So he got to, he was very funny in it. And good. Yeah. And he was playing like a more like kind of fucked. up guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a children's character. I think him in Batman Returns.

Me too. I think that was his first thing back. Okay, okay. But yeah, where he's the penguin's dad. Yeah, a lot of fun. Oh, right. He's the penguin's dad. He's great.

What a cool. What a cool dude, he was. Rest in power. Mitch, so you're dealing with these fake fangs. Yes. You have grafted onto your teeth. Yes. You also got a dental crown

this week. Wise, I certainly did. I have a question for you. When they put it on, did the dentist say, you dropped this king? To be fair, he did this to me a few days ago. I said you should do this in an episode. Yeah, and it was in my nose.

I like it. I'm into it. Here's the thing about the dendal crown. Yeah. It's as weird as having, it's not as weird as the fangs, but it is like a foreign object in your mouth. It feels a little weird. It takes an adjustment. I actually got mine filed down a little bit because my bite was off afterwards and they made it more even.

It feels like I have a metal, like a little. orb on the right side of my mouth. Right. I'm like, it's so smooth. I'm touching my tongue, ying, my tongue, it's going, it's slipping right, it's slipping right. No, it doesn't have the same texture as a regular tube. Mine's in the very back, but yours is a little bit more fun.

It's right there so you can, you touch it with your time, like I said. Yeah, they are nice in porcelain. Yeah, yeah. Zirconium. I know. That's what, I got a zirconium cap. Crown. Yeah.

I don't even know the material of mine. So it's not like, is it like a shiny diamond? Yeah, I think it is. Sparkle? You know what it was crazy? Is that for the temporary crown, he was just like, okay, I'm going to take like the pliers or whatever the equivalent is. And like, and I had had that in for like, you know, like three weeks or whatever. And I wasn't like I did like I, I had a root canal.

So he didn't have to put in like he was like, we can do this. It might hurt. But like, let's do it. And then he just easily yanked it out. It took a no problem at all. Wow. Yeah, yeah. He just was like pulled it right out of my.

I, uh, this is not that interesting, I guess, but I thought it was, I thought it was interesting. When anyone is good at their, their job, I'm impressed. I was like, I can't do that. Um, I, he, when they were doing that, I think I told this, when they were doing now, they just, for, for the crown, they just take a little video of your, your, where your tooth is. And then, like, if they just make it, they, like, it's all three, it's like a 3D image model of it. But when they were doing it, it's funny because it's like a very serious doctor. But when they were doing it, it's funny, because it's like a very serious doctor. But when they, they're doing it, plays like a little song. It plays like a little rap song. Really? I'm not even lying. So he puts it in and it's like,

ch-d-ch-d-ch-d-ch-d-ch-tch-tch. While they're videotating the gap in your mouth? While they're like, while they're taking a video of your tooth. So it's like, and I was like, it does a song. He's like, yes, it's very silly. He's like, yes, the people who designed this had a lot of fun when they, he was a response.

It plays a little song. Y'all, I'm going to hit you with some truth. It's time to replace that busted tooth. What the fuck is this? Mitch, speaking of dental work, it affects your eating is the thing. Like, you have to be conscious of what you're putting

on that side of your mouth now. I don't even if this is anything a thing you've ever dealt with in terms of like, I got to adjust my eating protocol because I got something going on with my chompers. I stopped drinking like black coffee

because I have like a little, I had to do some veneer or stuff on the front. And that'll stain your teeth. Teeth. I get the fucking teeth staining. So I, like, I'm pouring in the fucking half and half in my coffee to dilute the blackness. But I like a black coffee. I don't like it as much. I drink these things called Ardors that you get a whole foods that are like a LeCroix with caffeine in it. How is that? That sounds good. I love them. Is that your morning like wake up? Yeah. Wow. We have 100 milligrams of caffeine. Wow. Which is like two shots of espresso. I got on the caffeine train this year. I've never really drank caffeine until this year. I mean, that's not true. What the fuck am I talking about?

I haven't drank coffee until this year. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. What's your coffee order? I just like a black coffee. Nothing, nothing in it. And sometimes I like an ice vanilla latte or just a vanilla latte. So if I do that sometimes.

I've been indulging just a little bit. Now I just said I don't drink coffee. But I do occasionally these days do get, if there's like a special coffee, sometimes I'll try it. It is fun to get a like a special coffee. A horchata cold brew or something like that. I'll go to the farmer's market. They get this cold brew booth and like I'll fuck with whatever fancy cold brew they had.

They had one, you were the chosen one, banana kin. And it was a banana one. And I was like, that's fun. That's really fun. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it's fun. It's pretty fun.

That is fun. I do Dunkin' Donuts K cups. Okay. I love. I'm loyal to Duncan. Yeah, I fucking love K cups. It looks like Jimmy's just staring at the sword The K-ups are above

Jamie's just intrigued by the sword She's like, what is it? Good girl Maybe wondering if she can wield it Their little paws Dog Samurai would be a fun movie Fuck, dog Samar is a great idea Isn't it the way of the sword

Isn't there a dog samurai? Isn't there something like that? Is there a dog samurai? Well, there's a ghost dog. Ghost dog. But that's not a dog samurai. Horse would occur before. Is he a samurai or no? He's a samurai who it becomes his, his, the, the guy he's serving is the, is a mobster who saved his life.

Oh. He's kind of a ronet. What's that? Paws of fury. Paws of fury, but are they using swords in that? Yes. They are. Is this animated?

Yeah. Wait, what were we just talking about before we got to January? What did we say? What did we say? We touched on big tities. Oh, K-Cup. Haycup, yeah. Coffee, yeah. Dunk, I'm loyal to Dunkin. Oh, I know what that remind me of.

At the Resident Evil premiere, there was a lady in a Red Sox hat, and I was like, it's my dream girl. I was like, my dream girl. And I was like, I got to meet my dream girl. I mean, it's just some lady. Yeah, yeah. And then someone was like, it's Casey Affleck's girlfriend. I was like, oh, okay. Stay away from her, I guess. I did say, go Red Sox at one point. That's fun.

Which anyone, any woman who's wearing a sports, like a hat of a sports team, loves it when some fat weird guy goes, go, go team, go team whenever he sees your team. They don't like that at all, but I still did it. Who is he? He likes my team. I think I'll marry. I prefer black coffee and I'm a hot black coffee. It's my favorite coffee varietal. And I have had to make compromises because of both acid reflux, GERD, you know, the hot coffee is very acidic. I do cold brew. these days because it's much less acidic, and that's fine. But then, yeah, I have to load it up with some sort of creamer to, to, again, make it less black, whiten it up a little bit with the chompers. Because my teeth stain super easily. They asked me if I smoke when I go in there. I was like, no, I just fucking drink coffee.

Like, like, fucking, like, anyone getting up in the morning. What do you want for me? Maybe I should stop drinking coffee. It seems bad. It probably is bad for you, but also, like, what are you going to do? I'm not, like, crazy on it either. I can give or take it. Yeah, you don't need it for many years.

But it does, it does help me kind of zone. Like, it's helped, I think, with some brain fog, stuff. It keeps me zoned in a little bit, I feel like. I was a suggestion for you. What's that? Coffee ice cream. Start your day with a scoop. Start my day with a scoop.

I love that. Make an affigato. Oh, how fun is that? Man, I bet you Italians do that shit, huh? Yeah, they do. I love affagato. Avogato's fun. No, I meant like Italians do that shit in the morning.

Just like eating ice cream with espresso on it. I bet you they do that. I bet you some, I bet that you bet that. They do that in the old country. Yeah. And they live to, they are the vampires of humans, Italians. They live to like a hundred or so. They live very long.

Is that true? Italians live forever. Famous long. Too long as me. It's because I bought olive oil. It's the olive oil. That's their blood. Is that true?

It makes a lot of sense. Because I heard the Mediterranean diet. Olive oil is their blood. They are immortal because they live a long time. What else? What else? What else? What else?

It's near Romania? That's true. Kind of? And they drink and they eat olive oil, which is their blood, so they are drinking blood. And also marinaris sauce is also close to blood. And red wine also close to blood. They got lots of things that are close of blood. They do.

They really get. Yeah, they're full of blood. They're the mafia affiliation. They're plugging holes in guys. And if you take into, that's bloody. That's very bloody. If you take into account time zones, they do have a night. If you take into it, if you're thinking from our time zone, they do have night hours.

Right. Our day is their night partly, which means that they are kind of like, yeah, they're kind of maintaining night hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Italian's our vampires. It's spooky season. Look, I didn't have much on this episode besides White Blade. White Blade's doing work. Yeah, yeah. White Blade's doing some heavy lifting. It's solid. Do we have any stats on Italian longevity? They live an average of three to four years longer than Americans. Okay. Well, longer than Americans. What the fuck is that stand?

Right, come on. We're like the shortest. We're big fat pieces of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Who is the longest? I bet you Japan. I think it's Norwegians.

All right. Good for them. Yeah, they're fit and they eat. A lot of fish. Right. Rotten fish. Wow. Where are you on Halloween in general?

That's Dracula this side. We're just talking spooky season. I just love, I love me some haunts. Once again, I'm going to plug my L.A. Faves. You got to do Zombie Joe's Urban Death. Wow. It's short but fun.

You, I, I'm a big fan of the halls of horror haunted house at Loxa Performing Arts High School, which is open to the public. It's only for one weekend. The kids play characters in the haunt, and it's awesome. And then Rain of Terror, which is the one that's in the mall in Thousand Oaks. Those are the best things. But also, this year, I will say, Not Scary Farm has a new haunt. Looks very interesting that's based on, like, black and white cartoons.

And they have a magic castle show. Which is so cool. At Not Scary Farm? Yeah. So I feel like Knott's might be popping off this season. It's definitely worth looking into. For people who aren't theme park officinados, Knott's Berry Farm here in Southern California, I believe started the re-skinned for Halloween trend with NotScarry Farm back in the day. That's what I remember as a kid. And then the universal like haunted horror night sort of the fuck it is. All that shit followed in its wake. But also, Natsbury Farm doesn't have any IP except for Snoopy, which who's not scary. Right. But they have to invent all the lore for their mazes.

Yeah, it's just like Old West is like their IP, basically. Yeah, well, they, yeah, but they'll be like, okay, but it's pretty funny because, like, one year I went and you're going into like a wax museum. It's like a wax museum waxworks themed haunt. And there's a guy outside being like, you are about to enter the waxworks of Dr. Julian Pintero. His son now owns. And he's just like, just explaining the mythology of the wax museum all to you. And you're like, thank you. But he's just like screaming.

that it's the line so you'll understand like what is scaring you inside the haunted house. Whereas like you go to Universal. It's like, oh, it's Freddie. It's Jason. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Chuckie. Uh, why I was going to ask you where you were on Halloween? Where are you on Halloween?

Like, on actual Halloween night, the fright night. Yeah. Where are you? On fright night, where are you? We are not a Halloween trick-or-treat house. We aren't either. There's no, fucking trick-or-cheats in our neighborhood. We just put out a bowl.

Yeah, no shit. Two or three kids. Put out some candy. Last year I went and saw, I did see the mummy. I saw the Boris Karloff Mummy of the Egyptian. That's awesome. That was awesome. It was really, really fun.

Mummy at the Egyptian. Totally fitting. Yeah, exactly. It was perfect for that. And so I don't know what I want to do this Halloween, but it's got to be something fun. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you do, Mitch?

That's like seeing a creature from the Black Lagoon at Lake Cinemas. He's from a lagoon. He's not from a lake. You know, you know, they have that whole festival at Lake Cinemas. They're showing Finding Nemo. Showing 20,000 leagues under the sea. No, that's a, those are both oceans. Well, look, I don't run like cinemas.

I'm just saying that's what they're programming over there. Lake Placid. They do show, like, they weirdly don't show that one. They show, they show swimming pool, though. They're showing Rivers Edge. Yeah. Swimming pool. It's weirdly all bodies.

of water on Golden Pond they're showing there. I don't know what their deal is, but yeah, Lake Cinemas. I love Lake Cines. I love Lake Cinemas. Yeah, yeah. I'm on the Lake Lists. I'm on the Lake List. Are you on the Lake List? I'm on the Lake List, yeah. I pitched them. I was like, you know,

Chris, like, for Halloween, Crystal Lake is so central to Friday the 13th, and they were like, you're off the lake list. I was like, come on. I didn't get removed from the lake list for pitching a lake. Oh, it's no, it's when you say Apple, it is just a list. It's a list that they write down, and they give you first come for sort of about movies.

Yeah. It's a paper list. Right. Which is, there's one guy in charge of it. Ed Lake. I was going to say Larry Lake. I was afraid to say Larry Lake.

Her brothers. Ed and Larry Lake. They co-own it, yeah. They're kind of the butt heads at times, but overall, they just love movies. I texted Wager this earlier today, and it's a funny time to go from Blake Cinemas to this, but I was going to say with you as our guest,

I told Wider this morning that I was going to officially retire from Doe Boys at the 15-year mark, which is three years. Mitch wanted to make this announcement today for some reason. It's the truth. Yeah. I wanted to make it today. Because I thought, because we have our original guest. Our first guest, the first ever guest. And I was like, it would be good to say like there's in, we started in February or March, right?

I think it's March. May. Oh, fuck. That's three and a half. You have three more three and a half years. A little over three and a half years. Where are you planning a flag in this three years out? Yeah.

You're pulling a Jay Leno right now. yeah well I'm I said putting an end date on it would be nice all in the podcast

anytime but I also will just say like I don't I think it's going to be it's going to be hard to just sort of shut it down I think that's just like a 15 year mark

Emma I'm realizing we're saying this in front of you for the first time you're losing your job I heard of because we did we did an audition earlier today I hope to do that we'll see

I mean, if it's what you want to do, it's what you want to do. 15 years just feels fine. I think 10 years also felt fine. I know, but we went by it accidentally. Yeah, I know. Now we're in 11 and a half years. We can't stop now. We could.

We can stop whenever we want. Nice try. You're right. But the end date seemed nice. And then we can celebrate as we go. Yeah, we'll see. Do you just want to silently walk, do you want to pull up like you did with your sketch team and your podcast?

And you're in your. Jesus. I was on that sketch team. No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying, like, he did with his sketch team and his improv team. He just walked away. Yeah, I know. Oh, sorry, all right.

It impacted me directly. No. Guys, at Lake Cinema is the popcorn tub is a jacuzzi. Yeah, it's true. Like, it's like, you can get a, if you want a beverage there, they got bottled water. They're weirdly showing a Ghostbusters, a frozen empire. I was like, why are you showing that? I was like, oh, it's frozen water.

I was like, okay. I'm sorry for a second. It makes sense. It makes sense. Ice is technically a form of water. Ice is technically a form of water. That's not a lake. And then, yeah, the ice storm is playing there.

They're doing too much ice. They're really leaning to ice lately. Again, don't bring this up to Ed and Larry Lake because they will take you off the lake list. On Halloween, they are showing the fog. Yeah, they are showing the fog. And if you try to call them out on it, they will. will clarify that the fog is just aerosolized.

I'm going to take you off the link list, but ask a question. I'm like, Ed, Larry, what are these movies playing? They kind of just nod at the list. I'm like, never mind, this is, this looks good to me. I'll see whatever you got. I'm there and I'm seeing like all these classic film noir.

I was like, what the fuck are you, why are you showing these Ed and Larry Lake? And they're like, they start Veronica Lake. I was like, I feel fucking stupid. Of course. That makes total sense. And then I was like, why are you showing this? Why the hell are you showing stand by me?

What the fuck does this have to do with anything? I guess there is a body water scene in it. They were like, it stars River Phoenix. Oh, of course. Of course. That makes sense for them. That does make more sense.

I went in, I went up to their office, knocked on the door, open the door. I said, what are you doing for you? I look down. Ed is sucking off Larry Lake.

And I'm like, these guys are brothers. What is going on here? What is going on with that? You guys are brothers. They said, get out. And then they held up the lake list. I said, never mind.

Keep doing your thing. They're like, we're married. They have an incestuous relationship, but they're very open about. And it's whatever. They're doing great work over there. They're programming a lot of classics. They show things on film, which is nice.

Oh, you all love Game of Thrones. You're going to have clutch your pearls, a little brother-on-brother sucking. Get the fuck out of here. You can't get pregnant. They can't make an abomination. It's fine. Just another day at the office for the Clooken Dagger Club.

Oh, man. Yeah, Lakeson was pretty good. Yeah, I'm going there after this. Yeah, I'll probably go there after this. I'm going to go see Waterworld. Anyway, sorry to pull O'Leno. Yeah, sorry to pull, yeah. We'll see.

I just, I feel like it's going to be, there is an element of turning that nozzle off is a real change in your... I'm ready to turn it. Okay, all right. Hey, to do everything, turn, turn, turn. In three and a half years, but it's going to come quick. Yeah, that's the thing.

It's going to come quick. Yeah. And who knows what kind of financial issues I'm in at that point? So we never know. Mitch's got money troubles. Mitch does got money troubles. But, you know, it's good to put an end. It's good to have like an end goal.

15 years is longer than I've done anything in my entire life. I love having end goals, Mitch. I'm very much in favor of that. It perhaps could be a larger discussion, but also you make your own decisions. If it's a thing you want to walk away from, that's totally fine with me. Ble. Blah. Blah. Blet.

We're dressed as blade and spike. You are. Here's a question I have. Have you ever, has anyone ever consumed just like straight blood? I feel like I've had, there's like soups, like Asian, I think Thai soups that have like pork. Yeah, blood cubes in them. I've definitely had that. I definitely have like little bites of blood.

It's like gelatinous blood that just like. like kind of dissipates in the broth, yeah. Bone marrow is close to blood. Bone marrow is very close to. It's almost blood. Yeah. And I feel like I've definitely had blood, but I'm like, when did I have blood? Well, there's a big Irish or in English breakfast, but I've had it with Irish breakfast.

Blood sausage, I've had blood. Blood sausage, okay. It's pretty good. But like a loose blood. Does it count if you like bit your lip? I think it does count. Yeah, that's a self-drake. Like fist fights to the evidence.

Susser Van Robeshow movie when I've ever gotten one of those Yeah, when I've gotten in some scraps Some slob-knockers Us boys, boys will be boys You might taste your own blood You might taste your foes blood Yeah, it might happen.

You guys ever given blood? I have given blood. It's a fun experience. It is fun. I used to give platelets. Yeah. Which was a whole, like they cycle all the blood out of your body

and then they extract the platelets and they're cycling it back in. It's a lengthy process. But I did that in college. Didn't you almost pass out? Well, okay, so I'll tell that story. But you would get, as part of the process, you'd basically be like, like, you just watch a DVD of a movie the whole time. Yeah.

Because it takes, like, three hours. Sometimes they do you, like, a coupon, like one free movie at Lake Cinema, right? They would actually would give you ones for AMC at the time, but I believe they have changed to Lake Cinemas. So I saw a bunch of, I bought a bunch of free movies in college because of this. But, yeah, you can do it like twice a week. I was doing it frequently for a while. but I got what's called an infiltration, which I think is a thing you've experienced before, Mitch,

that spooked me off of it, which is they're cycling the blood back. They're extracting it from a vein and putting it back into, I believe a different vein might be the same vein. I'm trying to remember. Anyway, the needle that was putting... Only not the main vein.

Does it come out one side and the other? No, they're doing it the same arm. The main vein is your hog. Yeah. Yeah, that is an option that I did not choose. But is it option? Yeah, you can do it. Yeah, they suck it out of your dick.

And put it back in your dick. Anyway, they have a, for an infiltration, they fuck up the needle. It goes back into your vein. And then it goes into the muscle instead. So I ended up with like a tennis ball size like welt in my elbow joint. No. That was intensely painful. Your muscle looks like Popeye for a couple seconds.

I did kind of look like Popeye for a couple seconds. And so after that happened, I stopped doing it. But yeah, I've given blood a number of times. I gave blood one time and then they tell you not to do anything. Strenuous and I, like, I moved a couch and the blood leaked back into my arm. And I just had this crazy like bruise on the front of my arm. Like a week and a half because I didn't follow. They did not follow instructions.

Yeah. When I got platelets when they were trying to, when I was getting PRP, they, they, this is a thing they do in your skull. They couldn't find. I've never fainted, but I almost fainted because they were trying to find my vein, and it was 45 minutes of them trying to find my vein. That's because they were trying to find your main vein. Have you lived?

Looking like Popeye's for a couple of seconds, better than looking like gluto for your entire life. Oh, Mitch, come on. No. No. Mitch, no. I'm sad. Aw.

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Wow. You're going to have a good time. Babble is designed by more than 200 language experts, so what you're learning is what people actually say, not what they wrote in a textbook 30 years ago, and if it's into real life. A coffee break, a commute, 10 minutes before bed, Babel's bite-sized lessons work around your schedule. Babel is built around real-life conversation, not random vocab lists or endless grammar drills. That's why it sold more than 25 million subscriptions and carries a 14-day money back guarantee. And here's a thing, Mitch.

I've been learning Spanish with Babel. Be'en. Yeah, and moie BN, I'd say. And, you know, it's a really convenient learning forward tool that's light on gimmicks and heavy on actual retention of the critical information you need to expand the number of languages you know. Hey, Wax, you know what? Maybe we'll go south of the border together. We might get in some legal trouble and have to do it anyways. Start learning a new language today with Babel.

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I'm out there. I'm watching some of the baseball playoffs. I'm watching some of the WNBA playoffs. I'm having myself a ball. And I go to a, you know, I start a tab. They use Square. Wow. And when I close it out at the end, I'm paying with Square.

And it's such a convenient experience. It makes it quick and seamless. It's so much better than worrying about like, oh, does my bartender still have my car? Do they give it back to me? all that rigmarole. It just made it as painless as buying a coffee at the coffee shop. That's right, Wise. Because Square is a platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love.

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The invisible man. Yeah, invisible woman. Oh, the invisible woman. Yeah. Okay, what other ones? Square, of course, the thing. He's very blocky. He is blocky.

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slash go slash doughboys. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E.com slash GO slash Do-Boys. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. You've given your roster of haunted houses, or have there been any different haunted house experiences you've, you've had in recent years. I know you've talked exhaustively about this on our podcast on PTR.

I don't think I've done anything that, I mean, I talked to you guys about, or I might have not going to Kansas City. Did I talk to about this? Yes. Yeah. And the one where we had to be in the woods for four hours and we're crawling around on the dirt. Oh, right.

And I got all beat up. That seemed insane. A butcher chased me. And they also, like, it was done by this guy who did these shows. in L.A. So at one point, he also was just like, I can you all take your phones out and text something about your own sexuality to a family member or something? And he, like, looked at our phones to make sure we are doing it. Oh, my God. It was really a weird. That was a weird shit. That was a weird. Was that the guy that, like, when he did it here, like, wasn't there one where

they're like, they're going to touch you. Like, you told me about one where they're like, they're going to, like, be touching your body. Like, you have to, like, sign a waiver. Yeah, that was one where, like, where Torrey Spelling saw my butt, my naked butt. Oh, my God. Because I was in a, we were like, it was called The Lust Experience. We were in hospital gowns. And they made me like strip down and put on a hospital gown. And then they just opened the door up and like Torrey Spelling walked in.

And she was just like an audience member. And we just were like just in a room together. And then I had to like turn around for some reason. And like she was just saw my butt. And we were both wearing like masquerade masks. But at the end of the night. they were like, I'd been in this, like, naked and in this gown for like an hour. And then they just brought out, like, a bag of my clothes.

And they're like, okay, shows over, like, change. And I was with, like, Alan McLeod and, like, people I knew. And I was like, no. I was like, I'm not getting naked in front of like Allen. And they were like, you have to. And I was like, no, I don't. And I just, like, took my bag. And I was like, I'm going in wherever that is.

And they're like, wait, is there someone in there? And I was like, no. and I just went back in the place where I saw Tori spelling and I just put my clothes on but it's pretty funny with all these immersive guys when they're like really tough they're like you will do what you're ordered and then you're like no and they're like okay and then you're like all right I'm the one who paid $60 for this experience and this is just a guy who works here and you're just like shut up

we yeah of course or whatever we should check in with molasses boy Alan McLeod because I think he's still getting dressed so that was almost ready Eva? The house is empty. Did you go somewhere? But Tori Spelling did did

like from, sorry, she was in Kansas City at that same show. Wow. She went all the way to Kansas City to see that guy's next show. That's cool. Because she insgram from it. The one spooky thing I did recently

is I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery where they were doing a Ramon's tribute band. Oh yeah, I saw this. This was with Billy Joe from Green Day and Travis Barker as the drummer, but the whole thing was presented by John Travolta. So he showed Carrie, like at the cemetery, but between the band and Carrie,

he showed his movie Propeller One Way Night Coach. And everyone was just trapped watching his Apple film ProPillar One Way Night Coach, which is a, I really recommend people watch it. It's on the Apple TV. Which is like an hour and seven minutes, isn't it? It's 61 minutes. It's 61 minutes.

Yeah, and it's about the ball board. It goes on an airplane with his mommy. It's really crazy. I love it. Was Travolta there? Yeah, he introduced it in a beret. That's fucking awesome. He had like a Ramon's shirt, a leather jacket, and a red beret.

I feel like I've seen him wear that exact look. Yeah. What a weird city of this. He looked like Curtis Sola, that weird guy from the subway in New York that ran for me. He ran for mayor. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Hell's Angel or whatever. Wow.

Guardian Angel. Anyway, that was an interesting kind of spooky experience. Oh, weird. See, that's only. getting weirder. And also, by the way, are you, are you a skeptic? Do you, do you believe in like haunting? Because as you know, I thought my house was haunted. And then Nick has seen a ghost twice. You saw a ghost twice? Yeah, I saw a ghost in our apartment. Yeah. What kind of ghost? It was a, it was a, it was a, it appeared to be a female ghost, diminutive female ghost with no face. No face.

Yeah, just face just all in shadow and then just like, like, you know, like, like hanging hair, bangs. It may have turned out to be a Prozac Phantom as we have figured out. Well, I'm not on SSRIs anymore, but I have, but I have had, since I got off SSRIs, I've had really intense vivid dreams. I did not correlate this at the time. It, that's in all likelihood that's what it was. But the reason I said, the reason it felt at all paranormal is because I've had sleep paralysis countless times in my life. And this was not sleep paralysis. This was something that was very different.

And also, like, it was like a, like, I was not in a dream-like representation of my apartment. I was awake in our apartment. You know what I mean? Really terrified. It felt really weird. But yeah, it was it. And then, you know, like, like, like white and red cloak. And then just sort of like.

White and red cloak. Yeah, sort of guarding the door, like, like, kind of like preventing me from leaving, but not in a way that felt adversarial. It could have been you off your medications, but it could have been a fucking ghost. Lay off of us. I thought my house was haunted too. Natalie. It wasn't Allie. It would be funny if she was trying to scare you.

That would be funny. I'd love it. Do you think Dracula would be scared if there was a ghost in his house? Because he's not a ghost. Would he be scared if there's a ghost in his house? I think he might be like, yeah, that, like, hey, this is my, he might be more mad than scared. Oh, he might be a territory. Yeah.

What are you doing here? I'm the scary one. Yeah. This is my, this is my castle. I'm fucking Dracula. You think you haunt my castle? Dracula versus ghost is a pretty good idea for something. I think that sounds fun.

Yeah. You never see the two mix it up too often. So he just, like, straight up kills someone in his, it is a mansion in his castle instead of turning, like he tries to drag him, but he fucks it up. They die and their ghost is haunting him. Or maybe he just moves into a new castle and he's, and he gets there and he's like, this place is haunted. Do you guys, either of you guys see the paranormal activity play? No, I heard it's awesome. No, I heard it's great.

I heard it's awesome. It's open in New York right now. It's a big hit. But it does present the idea that. Places aren't haunted, people are. Ooh. That's how the concept of paranormal activity, the play. I can see myself being haunted.

Maybe I got out of my haunted. Maybe you have now too. Yeah, kind of a Night of the Living Dummy sense. Yeah. Oh, man, Night of the Living Dummy. Doose bumps. I put that up on. Was that our first live show where I put the Night of the Living Dummy up on stage?

That sounds right. I said Wigwer is dressed like the Night of the Living Dummy. Magic Castle, famously haunted as well. Yes. Very spoo. And also very good at Halloween. They have two weeks. They dress it up real, real cool.

Ooh, I've never been during Halloween. One of my favorite L.A. Knights ever was going to see you and your dad. Oh. He was a fabulous magician. It was one of my favorite L.A. nights ever. Thank you. But are you going to, do you think you'll go down to the Not Scary to see the... The Magic Castle show?

I'm waiting to see if I can make it down there. But, yeah, if I'm going to do one big one, I might do Not Scary this year. I want to go to the Magic Castle for... I want to go to the actual Magic Castle for to see it all spooked out. Oh, this year I'm also doing. a show called Nightwatch where you get in a van and you're like part of a group of night watchmen in a van. That's cool.

Yeah, that's fun. I've never done that one before. So they just drive you around. Yeah. So you'll see some scary stuff as they drive you places, basically, you think? Yeah. That's cool. I think it's stay, I think you stay in the same spot.

Okay. I think you're like parked. It's like you're parked outside a location and you're like the ones listening in on what's going on or something like that. I'm not sure. And I'm also doing this one called the pineapple, which is like a one-on-one experience. that's supposed to be a little bit of a little bit of a beat them up. Pineapple always, I mean, of course makes me like a swinging.

Of course. I don't know why it's called the pineapple. But it's going to be just me and a bunch of actors. And I think it might be a little bit of a beat him up. Like you'll get beaten up a bit? I might get manhandle a little bit. I had to sign like a very long waiver. Wow.

So I'm doing that too. That's where I'm going out on a limb this year is getting a little bit of a beat up. Oh my God. You always do, you always do these insane things. But then I come out and I'm like, why do I do the, I feel violated. It's never to be rough house.

But before I'm like, I'm doing a beat-em-up. No, I don't know. You'll be doing a beat-em-up, but we were doing and eat them up. That's right, Lags. We sure were. At our restaurant this week. Sunday afternoon.

Jack Doberfang. Sunday afternoon, we went to Longhorn Steakhouse. Which for us, Drak's was not easy. No, it was not easy. We brought... That's our night time. We brought... We brought umbrellas to combat our foe the sun.

Yeah. It won't be itchy. Yeah. It makes me my whole body itchy. Yes, because you are from Underworld, I believe, right? It's like, yes, I'm like underworld. It's like Cassidy and preacher. Just like a little itchy, you know, totally on fire.

Even where is steak in your hierarchy of proteins? I was never a steak person, but my husband, John, really likes it. So we end up going out to steakhouses a little bit. But I am definitely, I prefer it. I always want to just have a few bites of steak. And I would like to have it in a classic steakhouse location usually. I totally get that. Hey, hey.

Yeah. Jimmy is dreaming and she's, she's dreaming that she's running. Oh, look at her. Look at her legs. That's cute. Do you see her legs moving? She's dreaming that she's running. Yeah.

She's trying to reach, I think she's reaching for the sword. I'm actually dreaming that I'm being booked. Jimmy. Oh, damn it, Jimmy. So crass. Good girl. Good girl. He's having fun.

At least someone on his chair is getting something. So, but I do like steak. It's good. I agree with you that, that like. So then we should apologize to the start off. No, no, no. This is great. I think the, for me, I've said this before and I'll probably keep repeating myself throughout this month.

As far as the markup for what you could do the equivalent of at home, steak is like the biggest golf where it's like, like, I could buy. a $17 steak. I actually, I haven't done that number of the last time I bought like a ribai at the grocery store because I just don't eat meat at home all that often. But like, you know, I could buy like a, whatever, call it a $25 steak at a ribai at fucking Trader Joe's or wherever. And that equivalent steak would cost like $80 at a steakhouse. You know what I mean?

And I can make a version at home that's pretty close because making steak is a pretty easy lift. Yeah. Mitch, it absolutely is. If you can make a grilled cheese sandwich, you can make a good steak.

It's a fucking simple bit of cooking. Can I just tell you guys really quick? Yeah. Podcasts the Wright and I went to the Jesus experience.

It was called the Shroud of Turin experience at the at the Crystal Cathedral or Christ Cathedral in Orange County. And it was an AI generated sort of

like a weird immersive movie that you had to watch that was in several rooms. But anyway, the full first part like you're in a room and you're sitting and they're just projecting all these scenes from Jesus's life like in order and you're getting all the lead up to Jesus being crucified and then then you learn

about the shroud of Turin, which is in later rooms. But at one point, and it was all AI generated, so Jesus always looked a little bit different or sometimes like, it was just very weird. But at one point, the best part was it was the last supper. We were at the last supper. So we're sitting in chairs and all the walls around us are being projected with the disciples and Jesus. just like giant heads and they're all like talking to each other. And they're all talking at the same time and not listening to each other. So they're like looking across. And then we looked down and we realized that there was like the floor was covered in food

and that we like we were on the table at the last supper. And you were on the, you were. We were the food. You were the food. But there was like a plate of hummus and there was like a little bit of boclova or some sort of sweet. But then there was just like a giant tea bone steak. on the table

with like rosemary and like butter on like butter based at steak which is like very funny to be like the AI was like Jesus had steak

but he just had a big beautiful it just looked like something you would get at like where we went like a fancy steakhouse he's on the cross like oh

I'm fucking full like Ruth's Chris like he went to Ruth's Chris and got their like nice to 80, a dry-aged steak. And so that was really funny. We were like,

ah, this is stupid. But yeah, they made you be the food in the last supper. That was it. Trying to curiosity. I'm getting a move on. Oh. Too much steak. I want to land the plane.

As they're hammering the spike into his hand, the turd is coming out of this spot. One pound at a time. Like Elvis. To land the plane on the, on what I was saying about steak. So like, I'm not, I'm not a steakhouse necessarily for the steak. I'm at a steakhouse for the experience.

Yeah. So whether that's like, like, you know, high-end steakhouses or fucking whatever, I do kind of like that. But what I really love is like the kitschy, like frozen in time steakhouse or a place like the galley on Main Street in Santa Monica, which is just. Favorite restaurants in L.A. Awesome vibes inside. You know what I mean? That's what I'm looking for. Totally.

Yeah. There's a lot of great versions of that in L.A. There are a ton of great versions of that in L.A. Musa and Franks. Hey, we love... Taylor's great. Taylor's great. Yeah.

So, so, like, that's what I want, ideally. I feel like I got more of that. I've heard of it. So I shouldn't... Taylor's in Chinatown. I mean, it's in a... No, it's in a Korea town. It definitely feels like you're in, like, a noir film in that place.

It's really cool. Yeah, yeah. And the food is good. We were just hanging at... Tick was doing something funny behind Wager, just so you know. Tick Natara was behind Wager doing something funny. Do you like the steps? She's doing the steps down thing.

She's doing the Bill Irwin. I'm walking into a box. Yeah. Classic bit. It was good. You also look. I know it's insane for me to say you look insane, but you look insane. I do look insane.

This is a really, a really unflattering wig. You just look like a guy. It's the beard with a wig. The beard with the wig is asynchronous. I should have gotten clean-shaven for Spike, I guess. You do just look like a guy. You look like a lawyer or something. You look like like a lawyer.

Yeah, I do kind of just look like a lawyer. A bus lawyer. Yeah, I look like a bus lawyer. A bus lawyer With bleached hair He really does You look like a sleazy It's a very funny look

Yeah I love it Well thank you I'll roll with it Wags We love We love Steakhouses

I like Steakhouse And I feel like I get more of that fun vibe At Texas Roadhouse Which we did last week With the sloppy boys Longhorn Steakhouse Has some of that

But it doesn't lean Into the Kish Quite as much There is a little bit of a Texas pastiche Like there's a, there's a, you know, there's a taxidermy cow head. We didn't like that. I would like to think, I said I'd like to think that the cow was alive on the other side of it.

What do you think you're eating? I know, but I don't, I don't need to see its head. You don't want to see the trophies of the dead. Yes. Got it. I did find it a little visceral. Yeah. Especially in a chain restaurant to have a big piece of taxidermy.

Right. Longhorn steak else. I like, I want to think that his backside is next door at the manure store and he's making some manure. That's what I want. He's just pooping back there. That's been feed it and watch it come out to the other side. That's perfect. That's fun.

At manure store, the adjacent manure store is going strong. Founded in 1981 in Atlanta, Georgia, not Texas by George McHaro Jr., like Texas Roadhouse, appropriating the Texas name, but actually not from the Lone Star State. The parent company, Darden restaurants, which also owns all of Garden, Capital Grill, Yard House, Capitol Grill, a higher-end steakhouse, yardhouse, roof, roofs, roofs, Chris Steakhouse, another high-end steakhouse, Chewys. 600 locations across the U.S. We've never reviewed it.

We went to the North original location on a Sunday, as we mentioned. Oh, I know Chewis. Yeah. When I went to South by Southwest, I went to Chewis. Yeah, it's a Mexican chain. Yes. That we've never reviewed. Here's the thing about Longhorn.

No signature steakhouse sauce, which I was kind of expecting them to have their own sauce. Surprising. Yeah. They brought us A-1. They just got A-1. Yeah. But none of us have ever been there, right? Is that correct?

No, I never Been. All of our maiden voyages To Texas Roadhouse Has the Dei ever been To Texas Roadhouse? No. I had one.

You have been? Yeah. And there was one in Newington, New Hampshire that we would go to growing up Throw the peanuts on the floor. Peanuts?

Oh, wait. Peanuts on the floor is Texas Roadhouse. That's what you just said. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I fucked up. You did it.

Longhorn steak out. Oh, no. I've not been to Longhorn. No. Sorry, I apologize. I miss speak sometimes. Also, the dais for this month is the Nitis.

That's good. Yeah, it's good. That's really good. I like it. So we're all there. You guys are honorary dracks. Your honorary tracks. There's a lot of, what's a good, there's like, is powder an honorary track?

He doesn't like the daylight. I'm trying to think about their honorary track. Powder? Your pull is powder? The lead of that pedophiles movie? He's a pedophile? The guy who made powder is a pedophile. Yeah, he like went to prison.

Yeah, he got in trouble for stuff that happened on the set of powder. Oh my God. I had no idea. I didn't know this. Yeah. What about Bobble? So Pover is no longer an honor. vampire.

He's out. Powder didn't do anything wrong, but Power can make electricity in the air, right? Yeah, that's his... He's got powers. He's kind of a storm, I think. I'm trying to think of pale people.

Maybe we shouldn't do this. It's Rudy an honorary vampire? Rudy's an honorary vampire. Ferguson. There's other people who are night owls. There's plenty of night owls. Emma, you're an honorary vampire for sure. Endorphment.

Mike is an honorererian vampire for sure. is a non-nory vampire as well. Night crawler. Night crawler is an honorary vampire. I'm going to play that Wolverine game, even though it got bad ratings. I'm going to play that one. I was thinking about it.

And Eva, I know you love video games as well. You only have so much time to play games when you have like a job and shit. And so I was just like, do I want to commit to this 12-hour Wolverine experience when I could be playing something I'm more interested? But here's the thing. I have not, I don't think I played a video game this year at all.

Yeah, that's kind of amazing video. And I like that it's 16 hours. I don't even play video games anymore. So I'm like... Yeah, that's fun. A nice compact experience. Yeah. Someone was mad to me and they're like, Mitch is like, he's like, he's never growing up.

He plays video games. I don't even play video. I don't even play video games. I don't even play video games. Someone was mad at you and said Mitch will grow up. He plays video games. Someone was mad at me that I'm an insomniac, but I'm not in bed trying to sleep. They, they're like, he's like, he's like, he's just a child and he's playing video games.

I'm like, no, I'm not. What the fuck are you talking about? He's a fucking Dracula. He's got to be up at night. That's his day. Yeah. Day is my night. Night is my day.

Get it through your thick skull. Send them to the set of powder. All right. Shut up, someone. For what? Oh, man. That's back on. They're actually screening powder at a lake's in a lot.

I asked Ed and Larry Lake why they're doing it, and they're like, you know why. Those are fucking freaks. So this place, like Texas Roadhouse, is very much a, even though it's a completely different company, it's a really similar concept. Down to the asynchronous match of, they've got the, like, the Chili's, TGI Fridays, Applebee's style super sugary cocktails with a steak. And for me, like, I'd rather have a martini or a glass of. wine, which is something I said last week, but whatever, I understand what I'm there for. And so I got their margarita, the perfect marg with Don Julio Blanco and Tocene Rim. And then Mitch, you got a strawberry marg.

With a little sugar rim. Even you got a Texas tea. She's a Long Island iced tea. Yeah. Yes. Cocktail was just too sweet for me. Oh, I like mine. Maybe the strawberry had a better balance of sweetness.

I think you also have a little more tolerance for sugar than I do. I just thought of a thing that in vampire movies That's fun, can I say it? Yeah. I'm sorry, when a vampire, because I just, because I'm dealing with these teeth. But when a person,

and it happens in from dust till dawn, but it's happening, it's like a, it's kind of a trope, I'd say. But when the person, like, realizes they turn to a vampire and they do like a,

and like they're scared, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, they're feeling their, they're, they're faying with their tongue. Yeah, and they're like, uh,

uh, and then they kind of like, they're like, they try to like, they try to, like, keep it secret that they've turned. It's like the equivalent of discovering the zombie bite in the zombie movie. It's the same sort of trouble.

Yeah, that's fun. That's fun. Sorry, I had to take a break to say that. That's fun. No, it is fun. I like it when they do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have an idea for a Dracula movie.

Can I say it? Can I say it? And then if it's good, then we'll bleep it. All right, yeah, I love this. And if it's bad, we have to keep it in. If it's bad, we'll keep it in. Okay. I don't, I think the title is either moonwriters or blood riders.

And it's a-sofar it's not good. It's a motorcycle gang of vampire. Just leave the idea. Yeah, I like that. It's good. It's like near dark a little bit. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. That's fun. The title needs work, but I think it's pretty, it's pretty damn good.

We'll work on the title. The title can always be fixed. It's good as hell. All right, great. So, there's the... Can I be in it? Yeah, of course. Hells vampires.

Hells vampires. You got the Texas tea. Yes. It was totally fine. It was a Long Island iced tea is the same in every form. It's just like a bunch of. of booze with a little bit of Coke and lemon. Yeah, it is a, and it is a

potent mix. It was totally fine. Yeah. Mine was also fine. It was just a little sweet, but it was fine. And this is the nice thing about Amar, you get a tahin rim or you get that salt rim. There's a lot to counteract any latent sweetness. Totally. I was hesitant to get a drink because when I showed up, the hostess said, good morning as I walked in.

Yeah. We were there, we were there at, was it? Right at noon. And they were not addressing us as Dracula's. No. They meant mourning in the sense of a human world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't like that.

So it was like, yeah, 11.30 a.m. or whatever when we showed up. But also, it was a Sunday, so it's the brunching hour. So you have a little bit of leeway. Have we been to that shopping area before? Us as doughboys? Have we been up to the Northridge one? It did seem familiar, but I don't think we've been there in the context of the podcast. Possibly.

There's a red robin there we might have been to. There was a claim jumpers that looked like a Dracula had taken over it. It was, there was, the claim jumper sign was gone. You could just see where the letters were and letters were. And then inside there were lights, like there were lights from the old restaurant on, but it was a claimant. Ghost claim jumper, it was a zombie camper. And there was a zombie claim. And there was grass growing outside and stuff like that.

So there was just like a part of this area that's dead. But not at the, what is it, Texas Roadhouse? Texas Roadhouse. No, Longwood Steakhouse. Stakehouse. We're going to keep getting this confused. The Long Orange Steakhouse was, at first was not packed, but then it was bumping. I felt like a lot of people, like came after church.

It did feel like a post-church crowd. Yeah, yeah. Our server, who is a delight, Nathan, just an absolute fun-guessed. I loved him. Nathan ruled. Yeah, cute, great server, really attentive. Waring a cross. He was wearing a cross, and he did remark.

He did say, I don't think we actually get that much of a post-church crowd, but it did kind of feel like that was the buy. Yeah. He didn't seem overly related. No, he's just wearing a cross. He was great. He was... Lovely man.

Yeah, really good service. You guys were like... Oh, right. Yes, we hated that. We did not like the cross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we, yes. We didn't like this over cross at all, you know.

And then he said, do you want a refill on your holy water? We said, not so fast. Nice try, Nathan. He's like, I had to. Fine, tap. Yeah, tap. Tap is fine. So for our appetizers.

Oh, we got bread, too. Oh, and we also get bread. Bread was okay. The bread was okay. I liked it better than the Texas Roadhouse bread. Because it doesn't have the sweet butter. Didn't have the fucked up butter. It was just straight up bread.

Northridge is, as I was getting close to Northridge, I told you this, but I was just started to get surrounded by cyber trucks. And I was like, oh, this makes sense. I mean, we're in Northridge. Yeah, yeah. It could, you could feel that, especially after the church crowd. Yeah. There was a lot of, like, New York City type of people that were there if you catch my drive.

Northridge kind of has the. It's almost like the Orange County of L.A. You know, it does start to feel a little bit Republican-y. I don't know what the exact demographics are. It has a cool pool. Oh, yeah. There's a really cool pool there called Hanson Dam, which has a, it's big. It has a fake beach and has two free water slides.

It's a public pool. I highly recommend. I don't know. It might be closed now for the fall. But in the summer, it's really fun, especially in the middle of the week. There you go, check it out. Hansen Dam. Hansen Dam.

A fake beach. I got to, I guess I'll like the Lake Brothers or Mother. They know about it. They fuck on it. They left fucking there. So yes, we got the bread. I thought the bread was fine. And we got the apps.

Here's the thing. I'll just straight up say the apps for crap. I mean, like, they were three different basically. I felt so bad because it seemed like you wanted the mushrooms that were stuffed with cheese. And then I came in and said, like, these spicy like chicken tacos look good. the firecracker chicken wraps The fire cracker chicken wraps Which I thought were going to be like soft shell

Like I thought they were going to be A little mini tacos They were mini tequitos They were mini tequitos Yeah Everything was fried and looked similar color Everything seemed like it was fried from frozen And arrived on a Cisco truck

Yeah and I was like And I wanted the deconstructed onion blossom Which was just another gross fried thing That was the Texas Tunion A Texas size portion of our onion petals Fried to a crispy golden brown And seasoned with a signature prairie dust served with a zesty dip.

Now, you had, and I agreed with you. I co-signed this, that you're like, this might be fun because it's deconstructed, because instead of getting the awesome blossom, bloomin onion sort of form factor where it's intact, you were getting it all, all the, that some bitch was disassembled and was spayed out in a trough. But unfortunately, it was less fun. It was way less fun. Yeah, and it also. The trough was fun.

All of our apps came on big, long troughs. Yeah, the trough is fun. The troughs were fun. Give me in there. I would love it. But it looked like it wasn't pigworthy. Yeah, it wasn't pigworthy. And then Nathan was like, do you guys want boxes for all these apps you didn't eat?

And then you were being polite. So you said, yes. So you filled up boxes with apps that I was not going to eat later. And then when I got home, I put them directly in the dumpster. Okay, good. Yeah. But I did save my leftover steak, which we did. You did drive by a bunch of unhoused people and you decided to take it back to your dumpster instead.

My dumpster eats first. Fucking piece of shit. It was like, thank you. Oh, alright, never mind. Maybe you should beat that thing. I don't know what the deal is. Num, num, num, num, num, num, they was disgusting.

The apps were disgusting, and there was so much, there was so much of it. They were overwhelming. They were claim jumper size portions. The other app we got, in addition to the firecracker chicken wraps,

and then the, and the Texas Tunion was the Wild West shrimp. Shrimp, hand-bredded, and fried to a crispy golden brown, then tossed with spicy cherry peppers and garlic butter. In practice what this is.

My favorite one, to be fair. But it was just fried shrimp. The fried shrimp tasted very close to the Texas Tunian with just a whole bunch of cherry peppers just thrown on top of it. Just kind of getting in the shrimp. It was just like there was just stuff on them. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a little clunky. It was the best one, but still not. It was not great. It was not inspiring in any way. No, I was pretty bummed. They all kind of looked like the same color. It was just kind of like beige. Yeah, beige.

I was pretty bummed about the apps, but I held out hope for our steaks. I got the 20-ounce outlaw ribai. This big 20-out steak doesn't follow the rules. Marbled cut of bone-in ribeye coated with smoky char seasoning and fire-grilled. Mitch, you got the Longhorn Porter House, 22 ounces, combines a bone-in strip. I want something I could sink my teeth into, wags. Understandably. Bone-in strip and a generous filet into one thick cut, expertly grilled over the fire to bring out the flavor.

And then, Eva, you got the six. ounce filet, which the option to add Parmesan crust, which we should talk about. Tender's Sendercut is coated with our signature grill seasoning and seared to lock in the classic buttery flavor. In practice, what the Parmesan crust meant was, I mean, just a fuck it. It was enveloped in. In Alfredo sauce. Yeah.

It was, it looked like a mistake. It looked disgusting. It did not look, it seemed like a crust. It seemed like it was like sitting in a pool of sauce. Yeah, and covered in it, too. Yeah. Just like country gravy on a chicken fried steak. Really strange.

And you were very generous to give us bites. I thought it tasted disgusting. It was a horrible order. Really did not work. Speaking of bites, I hate to do this, but I'm going to turn, Jimmy. Mitch, no, no. Does that me she'll live forever? That is nice.

She's a dog pirate now. Aw, she's kind of into it. Mike, can you give her fangs and maybe like make it be a bat or something? Yeah, you give her fangs and make her fangs and make her. into bat or something like that. Or a cape. Can you give her a cape?

A cape, yeah. Can you give her a cape? Can you give her a cape then at least? A cape is a light lift in post. You can do a cape, Mike. Mike. We see the final version. It's like, fuck.

That's awesome. It's fucking good. It usually does a really good job. He does. Don't take too much time on it, but take enough time. You can bat me all you. Like, Jimmy. Sammy.

Aw. Sick fucker. It was hard to even taste the actual steak. It was just so overwhelmed by the Parmesan sauce. It was disgusting. Yeah, it was a real bummer. I think it would have been fine without the Parmesan. I think it would have been, too, because I felt my steak was fine.

And again, this is like, it's very easy to execute a steak like this at home in my estimation. But I think, I thought the Smoky Char seasoning, like, I, like, it's, it's, it's, you. did, they used an ample amount of that. It was not like an unseasoned piece of beef, which I'll sometimes get at these places. It was definitely a medium rare. It was definitely cooked to temperature. Nice amount of fat on it. I thought it was a really solid steak that also at this price point, we're more in the

$30 to $40 range here. It was like, this is fine. This is reasonable for what I'm getting. I got to say, yes, it is that, I was saying this to you over and over again there because I was like not trying to be like defend it, especially because your, the parmary mchronic coating on yours was discussed. Was really good.

The steak, though, we tasted the steak under it. It would taste good, but my porter house or what was it called? What's the name of it? It's called like the, it's the longhorn porterhouse. The longhorn.

Which where they have, so they have like a little longhorn insignia next to their signature items. There's not one of those next to the Longhorn Porterhouse. I know. Which drove me nuts. It's called the Longhorn Porterhouse at Longhorn Steakhouse. And that one doesn't have a little bull icon.

What are we doing? What the bull icons even mean? Yeah. I thought mine was pretty, I thought it was pretty taste. I had a bite of yours and I thought it was, actually had a bite of both sides of yours, both the filet side and the- generous like that. And the, um, the strip side. I thought, I thought it was a yummy porterhouse.

I had bites of both of yours and they were completely passable and nice. Completely fine steaks. Especially after such of the, all of the same just fried, like you were saying like the awesome, whatever, the tunion funyon or whatever, was like the same thing as the shrimp. They were so similar. Part of the reason I was in favor of the firecracker, uh, chicken, whatever, the, the fuck chicken wraps is because I thought we're going to get something a little bit different. No. I thought we were maybe going to let's like you said.

It came on a shit of lettuce. No. Yeah. No. It was absolutely the exact same fucking thing. Yeah. No good. It was bad.

Look. Your ribeye was the bite of the night. I like my rabbi. And I will also say that, you know, it's, it's not in our, it's not in my notes. I forgot to add it in. But the, we also got salads as part of it. It's part of what you get with your thing. And so I got a, I had a garden salad.

We all had garden salads. Yeah. Yeah. They were kind of regular. They were regular garden salad. But like, it was fine. I would say if I was going to go back to Longhorn Steakhouse, I would completely skip the apps. I would do a maybe a cup of soup and I would and enjoy the salad that I was getting with my steak as part of the experience as a starter and not even worry about like sharing a big pile of fried shit.

I got you got thousands. I got ranch. It was a good like. And did you do blue cheese? Wow. Holy train. We covered the bases. Yeah.

Yeah. And it was a good classic like shredded cheddar cheese like chain restaurant salve. salad that was whatever. It was fine. What's everyone's top dressing? Hmm. I'd love a creamy Italian, but you don't see it as much anymore. I love a nice creamy Italian.

Yeah. I like a, if there's like a pet, oh man, they had the pesto dressing that they would have at Old Spaghetti Factory. Oh, sure. Yeah. That was really good. I kind of, I mean, like, look, I'll be basic and say ranch because I just think it's so versatile.

I could also do that. But also, like, I really just like. a nice balsamic. Like, yeah, just like a nice vinaigret. It's always too acidic for me. Yeah, I guess that's the thing to be conscious. And also, we got over, you've said this before, but we got over balsamic. We got over balsamic.

I guess I should more generally say vinaigrette, which maybe not specific enough. There's a, but though there was a blue cheese vinaigret at this restaurant that my alpha brother Nate took me to years ago in San Diego that I still think about. It was like such a good dressing. That sounds great because it would cut the acidity of it just enough. Yeah, really yummy. Nitis, what are, what are top dressings? I mean, I do love a ranch.

I also love like a ginger lemon dressing. There's one that Mike and I make all the time that I love. It's like one of my go-toes. That sounds yummy. Like citrusy, yeah. Again, another thing for- You and Nate are kind of like, going to be like the new Lake Brothers to me.

We've got some concepts for his cinema. And the other stuff. Just your classic oil and vinegar for me, your balsamic. That's a great. oil and vinegar. It's a classic for a reason. I will also just say like, and Eva, you're the most accomplished home cook here by Country Mile,

but it's like dressing a very easy thing to make in your home, and the homemade dressing is going to be so much better than what you buy in the store. It's true. You know what's really good is like a carrot ginger dressing in a restaurant? Oh, yeah. That's one. Not hard to make and very, very good. Yeah.

Anyway, I thought the salads were also fine. Yeah, the sales were fine. And better than the apps. I should, I was like, I should switch it up. I'd stop and get the longhorn, but then I was like, I'm so jealous of your ribby, and I was like, should I just do a ribby at every place we go? But that's, is that boring to just do the ribe over and over again? I don't know, but I really. You have a comment point of comparison for each, for each of the thing is, well, like, someone in our party is going to be getting a rib eye at each of these steakhouses we go here in Drek Dauberfang. So we can just taste. I wanted a little bit more of your ribi. I guess. I came back for seconds, if you remember. Yeah, that was fine. I know. I had an ample amount to share. I took half. half of it home. I saw that. Yeah.

Fucking pissed off. They didn't give you like a whole section? Yeah. A whole section. What's a section to you? Sides we got, I got steamed asparagus, which came with the seasoned lemon sauce. Mitch, you got the mashed potatoes and the grilled corn on the cob. The grilled corn on the cob, we should say, came with a house-made crema and seasoned

parmesan cheese. So it's kind of like a lotte. An alote take. and then Eva. They delivered the corner of the cob and it did look a little bit like a steak, which I did not, like a, it looked like a steak that would stab you. Right. Sure. Which I did not love about it.

Spooks you a little bit. Yeah, spooks you a little bit. And then, Eva, you got the crispy Brussels sprouts, which I thought was the best of the sides. I believe you thought so as well. Quite good. It has a little sweetness to it. And then also, I noticed on the website that for children, you could order a cup of craft macaroni and cheese. Yes.

So I asked Nathan if I could have that. And he got excited. He was really eager to accommodate. Yeah, he was like. Yeah, I can do that. I thought that was really fun that they had the, just like, straight up, it's called Kraft Mac and Cheese on the kids' menu.

Yeah. And unfortunately, it was just like, I mean, I think you identified it as Easy Mac. Yeah, Mitch did. It was absolutely Easy Mac. It was just, it was over, it was over soggy and didn't have enough cheese on it. So they just had some Easy Macs in the back and they just had some hot water.

They were putting in those bad boys. There's like no other way it could have been anything else but Easy Mac. Or it was like Mac and, and cheese that they cooked and then reheated. Yeah. Which I guess it easily could be that too. It had no flavor though. Like it did not have like the buttery, milky character that you get when you're making

that blue box mac and cheese at home. I was so excited for a little bit of blue box mac and cheese. I know. It was not, it did not hit. Yeah. Do you see that table of cowboys that came in? There was right next to us. There's a table of fucking cowboys.

And there was a guy with a straw boater too. Yeah. There's an old fucking cowboy. There was a younger guy with a straw boater and then like his, his like, his like, trad wife and like their trad daughter. It was really strange. What the fuck was going on there? A straw.

What, Boder? Straw boder. It's like one of them It's one of them little hats that's got a flat brim that doesn't fold.

But there was a table of cowboys. Yeah, there was like, yeah, fucking cowboys next to us. I didn't never notice that. It was weird. They were behind you.

They were behind you. They were behind me. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, what was going on there? We should have turned them. Blu-blood. Pretty fucking good.

Yeah. Pretty good. Kind of rival. Yeah, let's bleep that too. Yeah, people won't never be able to guess what we're talking about. We mentioned cowboys, and I said, let's turn them.

And so then we just bleep, bleep. All right, let's do it. Let's bleep it. Oh, wait, instead of the bleep, can we do bleu? Yeah, throw a bleh in there. Blu. Ooh, my sword. Mitch's a little mini sword just fell off of his lap.

Ooh. She's turned. I like they're wearing Blade's classic champion socks. Blaze's got to run and stuff. Yeah, he's got to. He's got to be able to move. And then we got some dessert, which we got the, what the fuck did it was called? Oh, the chocolate stampede.

We got the chocolate stampede. We got the chocolate stampede. That does sound like something, but the Lake Brothers. Stimpeat's right out of your butt. Oh, chocolate stampede guys. I don't know. So here, it sounded toothsome because the other desserts were really generic. Mitch is right to point at his teeth.

Toothsome. The other two, I think, where like a chocolate lava cake and then a strawberry cheesecake It was like these sounds so basic. These sound like the first and second thoughts you have or the chain restaurant dessert menu. So we want full chocolate state. 100% right to order that. Yeah, yeah. Six different kinds of chocolate paired with two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream and drizzled with chocolate sauce.

So they kind of just peter north some Hershey's on top of it. I could not identify the six different types of chocolate. It was all within a cake, it seemed like. It was just a big fucking cake, yeah. It was a big cake. When it came out, I was, like, excited. It looked good. It did look good.

It did look good. It tasted like fake food. It tasted like Play-Doh. I was like, I don't know what I'm... It had just a very funny texture to it. Yeah. Was it you that said Matrix food? Kind of was like Matrix food. I think that was Eva.

Oh, Matrix food was just like defending your life food. Yeah, it's like... It's like, this is fake as I'm eating it. You know what I mean? You got a crisscross with the Easy Mac and the Matrix food. It was also so sweet that there was no variation or... offset or salt in it. It was just pure sugar.

No bitterness. Dark chocolate, you want a little bitterness. It was just sugar. As an award-winning baker in addition to your Emmy-winning show, you have a knowledge of the importance of salt in the baked arts. Yes. Without salt, sugar is meaningless. Wow. I love that.

That's fucking intense. It's true. I love it. And you know what? We're so dumb. Without salt, sugar is meaningless. I love that. It's worthless.

I feel like this is such a basic thing, but we're so dumb. And we've done a food show for 12 fucking years. You can tell us when it's like eating a liquid candy. Yeah. You know, like when you get a tube of liquid candy, I just tried some of that the other day. And I was like, I used to like this, but this is disgusting. Yeah. And it's because it's just pure sweetness.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a great point when you said that I was like, oh, I was like, yeah. This makes so much sense. It was like missing that completely. Tastes like Plato, but I will say this. I really like this, especially as a vamp.

I liked those cold spoons they brought out legs. Oh, a nice cold spoons were fun. They brought some chilled spoons. It was great. Yeah. I want to guess a little bit more hot, cold contrast, which we weren't really getting. It wasn't like a warm cake. You need the lava cake.

The lava cake would have accomplished that. Or is it like a brownie Sunday? Like, that's what they do at Chili's, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I kept saying to you that I was like, I was always, almost being defensive over and over again because I was like, Outback Steakhouse is worse than this.

I like kept saying that to you. Outback Steakhouse is absolutely worse. And it is. No, this is a different. This is why it's like a trickier to like after we went to outback this year. I'm like, uh, do I sound weird still with my teeth? I'm just laughing because you almost said Outhouse. Outhouse Steakhouse?

Outhouse. You should open outhouse Steakhouse. I love to. The shit themed steak restaurant. Jesus Christ. There was to be a restaurant in like all. Alhambra or Almonte that was a toilet-themed restaurant

where you sat on toilets and you ate out of a little toilet Yeah, I remember that gimmick. Yeah, look up toilet-themed restaurant. I gotta go. Yeah, there's new few pictures of it. Instead of a cow head at your restaurant, it's the cow's ass.

It's shitting out fresh hot steaks. So cool. It's like soft-served chocolate ice cream or something. I think they do lean into it. I think they do serve a lot of brown foods on the white porcelain. Yeah, and you eat them out of the little toilet. That's disgusting. That's just nasty shit.

It might be closed. It is closed. Oh, no way. Oh, sorry. But you can see it. The business model is not sustainable? I'm shocked. The toilet restaurant closed?

Weird. I guess nothing can stay open in this town. Maybe they say they're closed publicly because they're so busy. Yeah, that's probably what it is. That is like, I think I talked about this last time, but the double down bar in Vegas, you drink a thing called as juice and it does come in a little shock glass that is a toilet. That's very. Wow.

And you can take it home with you. And I own it. You want the Aschews shot thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. It's so cute. I wonder if the toilet restaurant is open on, like, Christmas Day. I wonder if you can go in there during the holidays.

Oh, ho, ho. It's like, what does your family do on Christmas? Oh, we have a tradition of going to the toilet restaurant. We go to the toilet restaurant. We have, like, a nice brunch, and then we go see a movie at Lake Cinemas. Lake Cinemas. Hey, buddy, Mitch, I know you and I are both very concerned about our sleep. It's a thing we put a lot of thought into.

And I know your sleep has improved markedly because of your Helix mattress. That's right, Wiggs. My Helix sleep mattress. I love my helix mattress. Wow. I have a Moonlight Lux mattress. Feels like I'm sleeping on a cloud. I've had it for about seven years now.

It's perfect, Wags. Everyone who's been on that mattress love it. That includes me, Wally. Irma. My mom, when she comes to town, I say, hey, take the bed, I'll go on the couch. She loves the Helix mattress. Me when you're out of town, I sneak in there. You sneak in there. You know, you know what?

You're a little three bears. And do you love the Helix mattress? It's comfy. I would say Three Bears style, it's just right. It is just right, Wags. But your porridge is too cold. I'm sorry about that, but don't eat my porridge. I like it. Wags, you know, it's, the fall

is coming around. The air is getting crispy, it's getting a little cooler. it's time to get into those beds. Settle down for a long winter's nap, like the guy night before Christmas. Man, how great is getting a good night's sleep? It's fantastic. You get into the covers.

It's one of your favorite things in the world. Oh my God, are you kidding me? And Wags, guess what? With the Helix mattress, I am always feeling good. I'm always getting a good night's sleep. And we know it's a bitch. Because we talked about it before.

Our listeners know, the two of us know that it's helped you, you know, with your, having more regular sleep habits. habits. It's helped with your sleep hygiene. It's helped with any sort of like back pain or discomfort. You know, you stay dry on that bad boy. It's just a great, wonderful sleeping experience. Nice and cool. And we know you track your sleep and you've seen improvements there as well. I really have, Wags. I love my Helix Sleep mattress. It's been with me for a while now. But you know what?

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Wow. All right, let's get to our final thoughts on Longhorn Steakhouse here on Drac Dober Fang. Aw. What's the on? We're having fun. We are having fun. We can continue to have fun, but just give our fork squads. Or wait, what we're doing, is it bang scores?

We can continue to have fun when the episode is done. Five fangs? Yeah, was it fang score? That's what it was. It was fang score. It was out of ten fangs. Yes. So sets of two fangs.

I think that's what we decide. I mean, we could do, we could change it up if we wanted to. We could do leaders of blood. We could do anything we want it. I think the fang system is clean because it's two fangs equals one fork. Yes. So 10 forks is five fangs. Or right, five fangs is ten fangs is five forks.

Yes. Five forks is ten fangs. Yes. Yeah. You got it. Yeah, it's two fangs per fork. Two fangs for four. Four for two day.

I can't do it. Two fangs for for, for, Eva, you're a guest. Two fangs for. You know this works. Yeah. Two fangs per fork.

Yes. We will, we will. I'll take the sword out again. We will each give our closing arguments, if you will, on Longhorn Steakhouse here on direct over fang and then end by giving it a score from zero to 10 fangs, two fangs equal. one fork. Eva, your guest, we'll begin

with you. And also, if you just want to do forks, we can do the fork to fan conversion. We can do the fork to fan

conversion for you if you're not comfortable or you don't think you can get that scale. If you just want to think in terms of forks. Okay. I had a great time with you guys.

Company was fantastic. I understand the need for chain steakhouses in the country, but I think this one, well, it has great ambiance and I loved Nathan.

It really wasn't hidden for me. My steak looked like vomit. Like someone had vomit. it up, like a cat had vomited it up, the Easy Mac, the Macroo, she's just Easy Mac. I'm giving it, uh, ugh, two fangs. Two fangs, wow.

Two fangs, that's one fork. Do you know, wait, did you know the conversion that that's one fork? That's one fork, sorry. Wow, because if you thought it was going the other way, it was going to be four for two fangs, that's backwards. You're giving it one fork. You're giving it one fork. Two fangs.

Wow, that is harsh. Yeah. That's pretty hard. But fair. But fair. I mean, without, there was no salt. And without salt, the sugar makes no sense. That's right.

Sugar is meaningless, rather. Speaking, when you said it looks like cat barf, Wally, I shouldn't tell this, but about whatever, Wally jumped out of his litter box and I saw it on my camera and a turd fell out as he, as he, as he jumped out. And I, and I was so confused this morning because I went downstairs and there was a cat shit all over the floor. And then I looked, the room. went and just caught the shit and then just was was just rubbing the shit all over the floor basically.

It's fucking disgusting. When AI becomes self-aware and takes over, it's that's what's going to be doing shit like that. The AI, that's that I called. The robots. Yeah. When the robots come, which Trump is told us not to worry about. I'm not worried. He says it's fine.

Yeah, it's fine. No, someone, one of our friends was like, now the fact that he said not to worry about it. about it. It makes me scared of robots taking over for the first time

in my entire life. Worry not about the robots. Oh, shit. There he goes. Wiger.

I got my trustee blade. You'll be fine. I'm going to wait. Can you look at my last score for Outback

Steakhouse? Would you mind? For Outback Steakhouse? Because I believe for Texas Roadhouse, I think you went four and a half

forks nine fangs. If memory serves. I believe you want nine fangs. nine for yes i want nine fangs for texas roadhouse this was not texas roadhouse this was not texas this was also look this is another yehah or ye blah situation was that it yeah more of a ye blah i think here you think it's your but wait isn't a ybla good do you want your score in fangs or in forks uh fuck uh fangs okay so it's two fangs per fork right so you gave it four fangs and then like

a quarter of a little chips choose a half fang yeah Wow. So two and a half, two and a quarter fangs? Four and a quarter fangs. Two and a quarter forks. Two and a quarter forks. Okay. Then I think that where I was landing on this was pretty good is that I, I'm going to go seven fangs. Whoa.

Seven fangs. Three and a half forks. Yeah, you did have a good steak. I had a pretty good steak. The salad was okay. The service was exceptional. There was a lot, the apps were like bad, a huge, a huge. miss.

The dessert was like a bummer, but I feel like if you got the lava cake, you'd be fine with it. And I like the salad and the steak. I'll say the corn on the cob did taste chemically. It tastes like a lime chemical. Like, they did too much with it. Yeah.

They were getting a little too scientific with the back there. The mashed potatoes were good. So, yeah, seven fangs, total. Wags. Seven fangs from the spoon, man. Three Dracula's and then a little baby dragglers, one tooth.

Oh, that's cute. That's cute. Baby drag. Aw. All feasting. Yeah. He doesn't age, though. Oh, shit.

He's just locked as a baby track. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's tough. Go a little baby dick for us all life. Isn't there a movie where Joe? A powder would love that. Jesus Christ. The little, the littlest vampire with Joseph Mazzello.

Is that him? Or the kid from, it's the kid from, sorry, the kid from Jerry McGuire played a little vampire. And I think it's called Little as Vampire or something. Oh, really? Yes. Jonathan Lipnicki? Yes. It's Lipnicki.

Yeah. We sort of fucking watch Lil's Vampire. That's very good. I've never seen Lil's Vampire. We watched Dracula dead and loving it instead, which was boring as fuck. That was what we found out. Kind of a bummer isn't hold up. They're showing that at Lake Sinomas.

They're doing like a Leslie Nielsen retrospective. It's nice. Yeah, why are they doing a Leslie Nielsen retrospective? I asked them. He played the swamp fox on Disney. That's what he was. Yeah. He played a character called the Swamp Fox.

Larry spit Ed Lake's dick out and said he played the Swamp Fox. Sorry. Keep me on the lake list. Fine. What do you get from being on the lake list? You get Premier access to all the lake screenings. And also one of the brothers will suck. Yeah, you get sucked off.

You get sucked up. You don't get to choose the brother, but. And there is a bad one. Please let me get Larry. What to do with our pal, Longhorn Steakhouse. Here's the thing. Texas Roadhouse strictly better. The vibes in Texas Roadhouse were better. I mean, it was, it wasn't

just that it was a lively Saturday night. It was that just like the atmosphere, the gimmicks, I feel like, like, the fact that it was just so kitchy, so overloaded with chotchkes on the walls. And I like the theming just better. And I like presentational elements, like seeing all the stakes

at the, you know, in the cold case in the butcher window when you're walking in. And who was cutting them that night? I'm going to go back on this. I'm going to go six fangs. Six fangs. Four, yeah, six fangs. Yeah, the bye-bye baby.

Bye-bye baby. The, oh, that's grim. Bye-by baby drive. Oh, it's good for the baby. He gets to be a regular baby. He gets to be a regular baby. Got it. So the, what is Jimmy doing?

Jimmy just turned around. Okay. She's turned. She's getting used to her new vampire body. That's cute. Longhorn Steakhouse, I feel like the, the apps were crap, as I mentioned. The cocktails were fucking whatever, but that's what I expect at a chain restaurant. I'm never going to be over the moon for their overly sugared cocktails. That's just not,

that's just not the kind of a boozy drink I like. The stakes, I thought were fine. And that's why you go to a steakhouse. You go to the steakhouse for the stakes, and you go there for the vibes. And I think on those counts, to me, this is about the same tier. It's definitely better than Outback Steakhouse. It's about the same as Black Angus. The steak might be better than Black Angus's steak, but I have more affection for some of the other stuff you get at Black Angus. Like their brown bread, I think is great. And I just kind of like the, I have more nostalgia for those vibes because they went there as a kid and there wasn't a longhorn steakhouse near us. That's fair. But it's probably food-wise about on par. And I also will say that the apps were

bad. Salad was fine. My asparagus was fine. It was a little overcooked, but, you know, I had a nice little sauce with it. It was a completely decent green vegetable, completely different. decent steakhouse side. You put the timer on for when your piss smelled or no? How long did it take? It was stinking right away. Right away? Yeah, no.

Actually, I don't. I actually shouldn't track. Maybe it wasn't authentic asparagus because I didn't track my, my piss smelling about at all. Wow. Lottie duh. You went to the bathroom right when we left. How often are you smelling your piss?

Constantly. Constantly? Constantine. Was he in a vampire or no? Was Emperor Constantine a vampire? Isn't Constantine a vampire? Oh, you mean that the Constantine, the character from the Canoereus character. Is he a light vampire?

I think he came back from hell and he fights vampire. Oh. He's a vampire slayer. Okay, never mind. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I never, I'm not smelling my pee ever, but with your, with asparagus, sometimes you can tell. My answer is I did not notice my, any sort of off fragrance to my. Maybe it was, maybe a, uh.

What about your cum? Cumb smelled awful. Maybe they gave you fake Esparas. Maybe they gave you not real asparagus. It might have been fake. What is not real asparagus? Like French green beans? It's like painted like asparagus?

That's how you can tell fake asparagus because your pee smells normal, what your cum smells bad. They got me. They got me. So as far as where I land here, I would go right in the middle of the bell curve, except we had a few things that were just so disappointing that I feel like I got to go a little bit lower than two and a half. Wow. I think I am going to land at four fangs, two for a Longhorn Steakhouse. Wow.

I think that that's what that experience deserved. Two, what is that? Two, can you do the conversion to for us? Two forks. Two forks. Two forks. Four fangs. Four fangs.

Four fangs. Four fangs or two forks. That's lower than I thought. The steak's not that bad. The steak wasn't that bad. That's lower than my out bad. You know what? I'll go, I'll add a, I'll add one fang.

And I will say two and a half forks. Mm. So I will say five fangs, two and a half fork. Interesting. We're almost blood brothers at that point. Yeah, we're almost blood brothers. Is that what we said for the Handholding Club? Yeah, Handholding Club is Blood Brothers this month.

But yes, I do think that as far as Yehah, Yee Blah, this lands more on Ye Blah. Sadly, ye Blah. All right, that was our review of Longhorn Steakhouse. It's time for a segment. It's Snackerwack or DrackerWack? Ooh. DrackerWack, I think, for this week. Today we're going to be trying Cheetos Puffs, the flavor of fear, sweet phantom heat flavor by Bloomhouse.

that's right Jason Blum's production company Blumhouse has the their own flavor of Cheetos yeah we love when movie production companies also make snacks the flavor of fear Cheetos brought in Blumhouse the studio behind some of the biggest horror films in Hollywood

none of them named to create a flavor that will haunt your taste buds and get under your skin scan your bag if you dare it's funny because they so they only got the Blumhouse license they did not get the license to any Blumhouse movie I guess it's a really strange tie in Do you guys?

You have the bag? Of course. Should I remove my fangs for this? Probably. Oh, yeah, maybe. This is a cool looking bag. It is black and red. I'm really flippantly saying, no, makes me think 100% of that.

The QR code? Where is it? What are you supposed to scan? The other end. All right, Eva is scanning the bag with her phone. There is a red QR code. I think the color way of the bag is pretty nice. I think it looks pretty good.

Not registering. The tooth just went in my mouth. Scan if you dare. It went in your mouth. Don't aspirate it. Yeah, don't aspirate it. I tasted whatever the glue was. It's not scannable.

And then I almost swallowed the tooth. Don't swallow the tooth or aspirated. That's what you're trying to avoid. Can anyone else? Did you help? It's not scannable. It actually generally, I almost freaked out because I couldn't get it off. Scanning that some bitch.

You thought it was stuck? You got it. Amelia got that cock-sigger. I thought the, I thought the fang was stuck for a moment. Oh, wow. I was freaking out. You're going to be permanently half-jured. Act?

Oh, my God. I don't want to put in my birthday. They want you to put your birthday. Where I go on? It would be scary. I'll put it in my birthday. Oh, yeah. Probably so that you can't watch it as like a kid.

Ah. Are you superstitious about putting your birthday in? Or is that just like a privacy thing? I just don't want Cheetos to have my data. That's understandable. Just lie to them. Yeah. Yeah.

I could do that. It hurt the teeth off. I'm glad I didn't do the fangs. All right. It's the Cheetos and Blumhouse are serving up. original horror short films in an all-new flavor. So there's an original short film called Bill's Favorite Snack, written and directed by Joe Grody.

When Bill, an office worker trapped in the soul crushing cycle of corporate America, tries the new Cheetos's flavor of fear. An exhilarating experience reminds them what it means to be alive. Anyway, this is a short film you can watch called Bill's Favorite Snack. Wow. Check out Bill's favorite snack. Should they check out Bill's first? You haven't seen it yet.

I don't know. And it also says you can get in the van with Blumhouse where they want you to sign up for some sort of situation. Is it a beat him up? You'll write shotgun with hardcore fans. I hope it's a beat-em-up. Is it Mr. Bill? Oh, no.

Anyway, here you go back. Thank you. You know one of the SNL characters who would hate to be turned into a drag? Who's that? Stuart Smalley. He's always looking in the mirror. Yeah, he would. Also, I thought you were going to say the church lady.

The church lady would hate it. Very religious. The church lady would hate it the most. More than Stuart Smalley. Jimmy is begging for the flavor of fear. I'm going to open up the flavor of fear. She's been turned. I'm assuming these are spicy.

This is sweet heat. I don't think Jimmy should have one. Yeah, no, I'm going to go. No, sorry, babe. I'm going to hold up a couple of... So these are our... These are more like the puff form factor as opposed to the... So much dust.

To the Cheetos's little like a weird misshapen long boys. I like them. So these are, these are a little meatier, a little girthier. And yeah, they're covered in dust. Don't like the taste of them. I want to take a bite. Oh my God. They're spicy. It's like the numbing. Amelam. Amelamination's like the numbing. First bite tastes like cinema.

Cinema? You guys got Lake Sinema's on the grain. Sorry. First bite tastes like cinnamon. And then the burn almost immediately sets him. It's a pretty intense but flavorless burn. These are fucking bad. I think suck. It's just like when you did

the hot sauce guys. Yeah. It seems like something when those guys are just eating the chili extracts and then vomiting and passing out. Right. They're just like, I just want pure Scoville units. I will say that there is heat. It's pretty hot. They're hot. And I'm a bit of a heat

seeker, so I'm not afraid of some spice. You know what? It falls victim two-wags? The Texas Roadhouse butter. Yeah. I didn't expect cinnamon taste. I don't like to sweet. I've lost my respect for. Bill if this is his favorite snack.

Yeah, what are you doing, Bill? I think these suck. I think these are fucking bad. I'm not going to eat my second one. I'm going to throw in the trash. This would be fitting as a... I'm going to have your second one. Does the Nitus want to try these? They are very bad. I'll give it the old college. I've eaten... I've eaten a bunch of them so far, but they're not good.

They have good crunch because they're like the puffy... You should try one, Emma. They're not... They won't kill you, but... The crunch is good. Measure these against both. default Cheetos puffs would prefer those. They smell like cinnamon. They smell intensely like cinnamon. Or flaming hot Cheetos, I would prefer those.

She likes them. I like them. What do you like about them? The taste. Do you want this one I bet? I don't like that. Great. What specifically is working for you?

She's a flavor-wise. She is a creep. I saw her face. I knew that she liked this bullshit. I don't know. You fucking weirdo. You like the dust, don't you? I like the texture.

I like the dust. I like the... But what are you getting from this that you're not getting a normal chito. He gave me a cinnamon version of this where it was just sweet cinnamon. That'd be awesome.

That'll be like a little churro. Yeah. There's nothing I'm getting from this that I can't get from a regular one, but that doesn't deter me from it. And you like the afterburn. Yeah. Okay.

You're taking that back home. The burn would be fun if it was a spicy flavor. Yeah. No, that's the thing. It's just pure skull-bill units. Yeah. It's just an intense heat that follows. And there's not enough salt,

and without salt, sugar is meaningless. Wow. In my opinion. Agreed. This new flavor transforms nostalgic cinnamon sugar into an unexpected sensory experience. What begins with familiar notes of sweetness evolves into a flavor journey that can include sensations of heat, tingling, numbing, and even a subtle fizz that builds with every bite, making the experience unique from person to person.

I mean, our experiences were unique, but we were united over here. We are blood brothers and sisters, blood family, and saying that we think these are whack. Amelia's the only one with the chat. Wait, hold on. It's not, it's, it's, it's drag or whack. Drac is the good one, right? Yeah. Drac is a good one, but should it just be whack? It shouldn't be like Drac or...

Drac or Garlac. Drac or Garlac. These are garlacking. These are garlac. I feel like Jason Blum didn't even taste those when he put his name on it. I bet he didn't. Yeah, I bet there's no fucking way. He's eating one of these in his life.

Also, has he even seen the Bill's short? He had to sit and watch it. He was in the edit. He was like, Bill's favorite snack. I mean, if this was all a way to get Bill's favorite snack, a passion project finance, to having this tie-in flavor, then maybe I'm in favor of it.

I like the idea that Bill's favorite snack was written and directed before the snack was ever invented. That is a story about a guy just eating a sweet heat chino. He loves. It's his favorite snack. Those are Bill's favorite snack. I'm going to go home and watch Bill's favorite snack. I want to watch it too.

I'm going to watch it. It's scary. This is bum house. They're screening at Lake Sinibus. It's just like a rip-up. It's in a short. Well, it's like a whole series of shorts. screening a bunch of them.

They're all like production company tie-ins with snacks. Oh, yeah. So they got a bunch of them. Sounds like a series that doughboys. Yeah.

They got the Miramax Doritos. And they're affiliated short, which is a Dave's favorite snack. So you get a bunch of those. I know what Ed Lake's favorite snack is.

That was Jacker Wack. Just like a restaurant by your feedback. Let's open to the feedback. By Amelia, good job getting those. Yeah, thank you. Of course. Good eye for, yeah, seasonal score. Thanks.

I'm glad you enjoyed them. That's your reward. I'll take them home. Please do. I'll invite them in. Yay. Wow. Or feed the dumpster.

Let's open up the bleed bag. Today's email is from Jordan. Jordan writes, Hi, Nick, Mitch, Amelia, Emma, and Jemmy. Most holidays feature a traditional meal. Thanksgiving needs no explanation. Christmas usually features some roast meat. St. Patrick's Day has...

Is Gemmy just under the day's, their nightest desk, begging for Cheetos? She's looking for sweet heat. She absolutely should not have Cheetos. You do not want these, Jemmy. You don't have a bad, spicy butt tomorrow if we eat that. You don't want it. She has treats out there. She'll get a treat.

You don't want processed food. Most holidays feature a traditional meal. Thanksgiving needs no explanation. Christmas usually features some roast meat. St. Patrick's Day has corned beef and cabbage. Easter has lamb and the 4th of July has barbecues. My question is, what do you think? a good traditional Halloween dinner would be.

I like to think it'd be fun to stay on theme and do something like a head of lettuce, rack of ribs and chicken fingers. But for something more practical, I'd go with sloppy joes. You guys, the funniest things are making a lot of life is a little bit better. Each week, Jordan from Chicago. Thanks, Jordan. The head is just sloppy Joes?

I think sloppy Joe's is a pretty good pitch. Why? You can feed a crowd. You can feed a crowd. You can feed a crowd. It's sloppy. Okay. And you're probably dealing with a bunch of kids. And it's like, hey, I'm having something that's a little bit more

savory to counteract all the candy I'm going to be eaten. I don't know. I think Sloppy Joe is an okay for a bit. I like it. It just is like head of lettuce, chicken fingers. I know. I know a perfect Halloween meal. What's that?

It's one that the birthday boys used to eat on stage. A full pumpkin? Yeah, a full raw pumpkin. They used to have a sketch where they would just eat an entire pumpkin and on stage until they started throwing up. And it was the most disgusting thing. Truly vile. Yeah.

And what did you play? You played like a. like wrestling kind of like fight music like it was all right yeah we played like rocky i am rocky uh soundtrack yeah yeah so there's like this pump up music and they were all just like cutting up and eating just like eating a pumpkin sick shit yeah so that's i think it really and we put it in a blender and we put like booze and that's what would maybe almost throw up you start drinking the pumpkin we start drinking the pumpkin they just cut it open to there's eating the inside of the pumpkin but they're so it's so slimy yeah and it was it was it was so fun to watch we did it for like four years yeah

I would always I have a good gag reflex Those guys were pretty good Because I would I would almost barf first Almost always Because I thought it was disgusting I feel like I would start wanting to barf pretty quick And you like covered the stage in a tarp also

Yeah we put a tarp down Yeah So yeah pumpkin Full pumpkin That was our idea of comedy As every came out and ate a pumpkin It's so funny It was very funny

And then we didn't play either tiger But we played the other I am Rocky And you had no response to that. I play Rocky. Oh, I play Rocky. That's why. Maybe if I said the joke currently.

I am Rocky. Yeah, I thought you were like saying, I thought you're referencing fucking Hail Mary, Project Hail Mary. No, I play Rocky. I play Rocky the movie. Yeah. Got it, got it. I love the soundtrack.

Can I tell you guys a theory I have about Project Hail Mary? Go for it. Yes. Ryan Gosling's character net, it's interesting if he's like an unrepentant, like child molester. that's like why can't he come back like why do they need to get him off earth he's like he doesn't have any skills

and then at the end also like I think like Rocky like is enclosed in the thing so like Gosselin can't touch him and at the end all the kids are also enclosed in the thing so he can't touch them and it's like the perfect ending or like a child molester

to end up on the planet where he's interacting with children but there's like a tube and he can't get through it I think yeah they maybe went out to Jared before. Yeah. It was, I mean,

it was the same director as powder, so. Yeah, yeah, exactly. This makes total sense. Yes. My theory is that it was supposed the rock,

Rocky was supposed to be Chris Rock, but they, um, no, go on, it was, Rocky was supposed to be Chris Rock.

That's interesting. I didn't hear this. Just done the episode. So they were going to cast Chris Rock as himself. But then they omitted Chris. They omitted the Chris, and they got Rock

and they got Rocky. Oh, no. You showed up on the first day as a rock showed up. And that didn't result in Dwayne the Rock Johnson showing up. That's a good point. Instead, it got Rocky. They went right to Weta. Oh, got to, got it. Which the Lake Brothers love Weta.

They love Weta. That's part of their, the Weta snack. They're showing Avatar 2 and 3 all the time over at Lake Sinema's in Strait. I have a pitch here. Mitch, you were talking earlier about how Italians are the Dracula's of humanity. It's true. Why not lean into red sauce? Why not a big like spaghetti dinner?

Why not lasagna? And the wine. And red wine. Before you eat the spaghetti, you got to put your hands in it and feel worms. Yes, right, right, right, right. Yeah, that's so fun. Did they still do that stuff? Because that used to be so fun.

They better. Yeah. If they don't do it, I will. Put your hands as a spaghetti. Feel the worms. It feels like, yeah. Is it worms or brus? brains, whatever you want to play it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I forgot all the ones. The grapes are very fun, too. And you have some grapes there. You get to have some fun with grapes. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.

And maybe, you know, if you want to throw pumpkin in, maybe you do like pumpkin pie for dessert. I know that's kind of Thanksgiving, but, you know, I think you can, I think it's fine to move that over to, we've already got enough pies for Thanksgiving. Yeah. We can shift pumpkin pie over to Halloween. So that's your dessert and then you're having a big bowl of spaghetti for your bank.

I think it's a great meal. Yeah. I love it. Or just get like a, like a, like a puread, Jerry. pie and you say it's a blood pie. Yeah, blood pie. Yeah, you can do a puread cherry pie and say it's a blood pie. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's a good answer. It's a good solve. We solved this. Yeah. No, we got it. We figured it out. All right, time to end the episode. Mitch is lowering his shades.

He is unsheathing the katana. Email us at Feedback at BirdFuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830. Go to that's 830-463-6-844. Our producer is Emma Erdbrink. Our associate producer, Amelia Marino, our video editor, Mike Dorfman, Do Boys merch at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. And to get the Do Boys'WBowice episode, subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. The Doe Boys Bluttle, where we are doing all Dracula content or Dracdoberfang, a spook Dracula month of stakes and stakes.

We had our Dracula Dead and Loving It episode. We did with our buddy Gilly. We had the sloppy boys on. Well, for the main feed. The vein feed. Yeah, I was talking for the bloodl. Yeah, there's other stuff that we're going to do for that. There's other stuff going on the bluddles, too.

There's other stuff going on the blood. So subscribe over at patreon.com slash doboys. There might be an episode called Dracula's Friends. We might be doing Dracula's Friends. So check that out over the Do Boys Bluttle. Eva Anderson, congratulations on the show. Thank you. It's so great.

Your success is so richly deserved. And you are, of course, the best guest in podcasting. We always are so thrilled. I love you guys. I love you guys. So much for having me back. Of course. It was such a delight.

And it's always a great time to spend time with you guys at a chain restaurant. And then here with Jimmy. Even when it was a complete shitty meal for you on a Sunday afternoon. We're sorry. It's still so fun. It was a blast. I had a blast. And I'm sorry you did the Parmesan crust on your steak.

I chose poorly. Eva, what would do? Plug away, please. Just watch Margo's Got Money Troubles on Apple TV. And I want to plug Amelia's jacket because it's very comfortable and I like it. Yeah, yeah, it's cool. Amelia brought two jacket options for me as Spike. She brought her own jacket, which Eva is now wearing.

And then that one was too. It was, of course, too small for me. And then this is your friends? Where did you get this one? That one's from Daddy Bezos that I'm going to return. Got it, got it. So this is a Bezos wear and get our money back. So there you go.

I love it. Bezos rental. Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. Until next time. For the Spoon vamp or Spoon Drack? Which one do you like? Spoon vamp, spoon. I said, what did I call it?

I said the spoon. What did I say what I say? what I first got in here? Hold on. Spoon fang. Do you like Spoon fang over Spoon vamp? Spoonfang's pretty good. All right. For the Spoon Fang, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weir, Tiger Wiger. Happy eating. Blah. Suck you.

Blah. And also, for the viewers and listeners. Mitch, you went away from your mic. And for the listeners and viewers, this is the end of the line for you. Make that look cool? Yeah, Mike can you like to this one? to the listeners and viewers, this is the end of the line for you. Mike, can you make it look like Mitch

like fucking cut the frame in half? And then just like, just end on that. And then you could play. And then just turn me to a bat and make me fly away. Yeah, that was a hate gum podcast.