Doughboys - Edible Arrangements with Marisa Pinson and David Neher
Episode Date: February 12, 2026David Neher (PatchSupply.com) and Marisa Pinson (On Brand) join the 'boys to talk Heated Rivalry, breastaurants, and hair growth treatments before continuing Love Week with a review of Edible... Arrangements. Plus, another edition of The Chewlywed Game.Get Doughboys Live tickets at doughboyspodcast.com/liveWatch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.wisdomlib.org/cities/sahiwal-2640https://xploreopen.org/old/cities/sahiwal/https://www.npr.org/2017/10/12/543035665/edible-arrangements-tariq-faridhttps://www.eater.com/23437408/edible-arrangement-fruit-bouquet-historyhttps://fortune.com/2024/01/14/how-edible-arrangements-tariq-farad-made-first-million/https://www.ediblearrangements.com/about/timeline.aspxhttps://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-38958999See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a headgum podcast.
Want to watch this episode?
Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com
slash doughboys media.
Hey buddy.
The dough boys are returning to the Pacific Northwest.
That's right.
Me, Mitch, and the team will be in Portland on February 28th
and Seattle on March 1st with special guest Jordan Morris.
Wow.
Tickets still available for both shows at birdfuck.com slash live.
Don't miss out.
Montgomery, Pakistan.
The asynchronous name of this territory speaks to the erasure of local language and culture
that was commensurate with a global stain of colonialism.
When British imperialism was finally expelled from the Indian subcontinent,
Pakistani locals renamed their city to its current title, Sahiwal.
And it was two members of a Sahiwal Pakistan family that immigrated to America,
brothers Kamran and Tariq Farad,
who used their shared computer science experience to build the technological backbone
of a special occasions-oriented fresh fruit arrangements company they co-founded in 1999.
The company's name, which sounds like wordplay, and you strain really hard to figure out what the
pun is, then you realize it's not actually a pun, it's just two words that sound good together,
and if anything, you find yourself crafting your own puns, like etipole arrangements,
kind of an incest angle, or edible varongments about the avatar of fire and ash villainous,
which is more of a topical take. Anyway, it reflects its unique inversion of the typical
array of flour sent for celebration or consolation, merged with a universal value of feeding
those in need. Today, with nearly a half billion dollars in annual revenue, the Fraud Brothers
vision has led to more than a thousand stores in over a dozen countries. Though, while some are in
neighboring India, none have yet surfaced in their homeland. In fact, Valentine's Day itself is
officially banned in the fundamentalist Islamic nation of Pakistan, both for its Catholic origins and its
horny secularism. Maybe the frauds can be consoled for the exclusion, with a bouquet of their
chocolate-dipped strawberries.
This week on Doe Boys, we celebrate Love Week, our annual week of celebrating love,
with a basket of sweets and fruits and sweet fruits from edible arrangements.
Welcome to Do Boys on the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, seated rivalry, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell.
Seated rivalry.
Pretty good.
It is good.
You know, we usually, Mitch, it's Love Week.
Happy Love Week.
I love you.
I love you, but you were very mean to me.
Well, we usually do a toast spoon man, but this one I thought was about a show that people love, that I love, that my partner loves.
How about two rookies who are going to town on each other?
And this is from a fan.
Cookie rookies, you could say.
This is from a fan who I think loves the show.
See you all at the Phoenix show.
It's spent too much time to think of a regional roast, but it's hard to pay a pun off of Philiberto's, which we covered live in Phoenix.
Thanks, Juan.
that episode is available at our Patreon.
Patreon.com slash DoBoys. Thank you, Juan.
I hope you enjoyed the show.
Yeah, thanks for coming on.
It was bad.
It's not available yet, but it will be eventually.
Okay, it will be available, eventually,
on our Patreon.
Our live shows are our paywold, so just go to the Patreon.
Love, who needs it?
Mitch, don't say that.
We all need love.
A red heart, Patui.
Mitch, it's on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
We need it.
Yeah.
Well, whether you need it or not,
I don't need it.
You're getting it for me.
I love you.
I don't get it where I want it.
You don't feel a spark.
You don't feel spark for me?
No, no, I'm saying in general.
Oh.
There's no spark.
I have little brother energy.
Wait, what?
You have little brother energy?
Is that a thing?
Yeah, I'm saying this is what I hear from a lot of women.
Little brother energy?
Why little?
You're like nine big talk.
I'm just saying that they say,
I'm, was that, is that a thing?
The deus, have you heard of this?
I've heard of brother energy.
What is little brother energy, though?
I don't know.
Maybe the women are older than him is what I was assuming.
Like you feel like your big sister?
There's some sort of...
Are you dating women in Courtney's age?
No, I'm not dating...
I'm not going around dating milfs or gilfs, as you could say.
There's some sort of spark issue with me.
I don't know what's going on.
My spark is out.
I don't think your spark is...
This is what...
It's Austin Powers, too.
You've lost your mojo.
I guess I've lost my mojo.
No one's feeling the spree.
Spark with old Spoon Man anymore.
So love, I don't care about love.
You don't need to be love, Lauren.
You don't meet world weary in this episode.
You need to embrace the people love you.
Maybe I didn't know a good thing when it was right in front of me back in the past either.
Maybe I've messed up here and there too.
We all have those thoughts.
Yeah, the long shadow of regret.
But you know what?
I don't know.
You know, some of these people I don't have sparks with, they're a couple generations down.
Someone's going to think I'm cool at some point, right?
Wait, what?
You're going to have a spark to somebody.
Couple generations down?
Has it been born yet?
I don't mean with them.
I'm saying people think I'm cool at some point,
even after I'm gone and dead, right?
I'm thinking of Charlie Chaplin at age 54 marrying an 18-year-old.
That's what's putting in my head.
You're talking about taking down a couple generations.
Well, if that's my future, then I will take it, I guess.
Hey, I get off.
I would love to be with a descendant of Charlie Chaplin.
Una Chaplin for all her.
yourself. Verong.
Verong.
Chaplin.
Yeah.
Like I said on letterboxed, if she's Verong, I don't want to be right.
That's good.
Pretty good.
Look.
Yeah, whatever.
Love, it's just, you know, it's not on the cards for me.
Everyone loves you, Mitch.
You're a beloved guy.
One of the most surrounded by well-wishers of people that I know.
That's very kind of you, why.
Constantly have an entourage of people who are.
cheering yawn and wanting to be by your side.
But you know, whatever.
But you want to get your dick wet.
Hell yeah.
Now you're talking.
Yeah, whatever.
It's all good.
It's all good.
I've been on dates and the, you know, I go on dates every so often.
Yeah.
What do you think is the most, what's for you is, what's a romantic?
What do you think is a romantic?
I always like to go to a movie, but no, I don't think that is romantic at all.
I mean, I think we should get our guests in here.
For a first date?
tub of popcorn hole cut in the bottom?
That's not.
That's why you like movies?
You're there by yourself.
I would much, that would be impossible.
I would much rather
a big plate of pasta and then
the noodles is connected in my mouth.
The other noodle is connected
in her mouth. The Lady the Tramp.
Do you ever do that
where you lay on a trap and then the noodles
in your mouth but the other noodles is
tied to the waiter's dick?
Yeah, that's an old waiter trick.
No waiter trick.
They'll give you that way.
You say one big plate of posse, you wink to him, and you think he's going to give you a spaghetti that's connected, but he ties it to his dick.
Yeah.
And you're a, you're, you suck.
Yeah, it's a, it's a, waiters pull this shit all the time.
Well, here's the thing.
Waiter turns out he's a gator.
That is right.
That's right.
There's a reason they rhyme.
It's a classic gator trick.
They disguise themselves as a waiter tie a noodle around their dick.
You end up sucking them off.
Did he tell you you had little brother energy?
The gator you sucked off.
The gator waiter that I sucked off?
He's happy.
No, but the spark thing I've heard recently quite a few times.
People have told you they don't feel a spark.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Mitch.
I mean, this is the thing.
I got to rub my feet against the carpet and then go into the date.
Zapp him.
You should dox him right now.
No, I won't docks.
That is mean.
That's a mean thing to say.
That's a kind of needlessly mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd rather say like...
Like maybe she's the one who doesn't have a spark.
You know, like, it's not you.
It's not your spread.
It's true.
It's her.
It's her problem.
I think I would rather have like, hey, porkster.
I don't...
You'd rather they say, hey, porkster.
That's better.
Honestly, maybe it would be easier for me to hear.
Hey, porkster.
Hey, porkster.
Hit the brakes.
Porkster.
I don't know.
I don't want a hate porkstor.
I don't feel a spark.
Anyways, love, you know, love is good for some things.
Love is good for a lot of things.
Yeah.
The love you have for Wally and Irma,
the love you have for your wonderful mom,
Mrs. Mitchell and your aforementioned lovely sister, Courtney.
And there's been generations of Mitchells who have made love to create me.
It's true.
You're a product of love.
Yeah.
That's true.
Going way, way, way back.
Way back, there's been Mitchell's getting it on for generations.
I don't know why it's finally.
Millennia of loads.
Lead to you as the end point.
Imagine if you could put all the loads that made up your family right in front of you.
And it looked like you.
One big drippy wax figure.
I don't women like you.
I don't say.
It's a shock.
Look, I think we've discussed love enough.
It's a...
It's love week.
It's love week.
Have you done anything lovely, wags, this week?
Have I done anything lovely?
I had lunch with you today.
That was lovely.
That was pretty lovely.
Yeah, we had a nice time.
Yeah, I saw Kira Sedgwick.
How about that?
So did I.
You're bearing the lead.
I saw her too.
Yeah, well, I said we saw...
I was trying to say we saw Kira Sedgwick.
I wasn't trying to claim Kira Sedgwick as my own.
You saw her first.
I saw her first, but then you confirmed.
Yeah.
I was like, I think that's Kira Sedgwick, and you're like, confirmed.
Well, you were there.
I came in late.
Yeah.
You were there.
You saw it when I was, I said, how about that when we were there?
I saw her walk in, she was already seated when you got there.
Do you not play drops anymore?
Well, I'm waiting for Mitch to do it.
I'm going to hit him with a lovely drop.
There you go.
Basically, all your boys just start busting on you.
Like we're kind of busting on each other.
Friends bust on each other sometime.
That's what happened.
coming on my bare skin and so I'm like, so I have come today.
Hair who's on top right now.
It would be so fun just to observe it, to know.
Maybe you kind of like stick your tongue like in there, you know?
Yeah, you can do that.
I kind of observe tactilely that it is really a ball.
The nuts are really nice, you know?
It's never, it's never a bad thing for me.
And you know what, Wags came last year.
I come all the time.
That's good.
Don't come at all, actually.
This dude's buns was so delicious.
Very good.
What's wrong?
I liked it.
You liked it?
I mean, I didn't create it, to be clear.
What did you say what's wrong for?
You seem sad.
No, it's just taking it in.
Are you sad for me of the loved Lauren, Mitch?
Hope you enjoy this, you sick freaks.
Love de number one pussy eater, aka Brady.
That's what they're credited as.
The number one pussy eater?
The number one?
You can't send in a drop and call yourself the number one pussy eater.
D-A-N-U-M-B-A-1, the number one pussy eater, aka Brady.
Okay.
Prove it, Brayden.
Put your money where your mouth is.
The mouth is full, it seems like.
Full of pussy.
Busting on your boys.
That's the name of the drop.
Well-crafted.
We got to introduce our guests.
We do have to introduce our guests.
You know two lovely guests who love each other and we love them.
Very much so.
Well said, Mitch, returning to the show, two of our favorites, Dave Nier,
Marissa Pinson.
Thank you both so much for being here.
Hi.
Thank you.
What a, finally.
What a hoot.
I've just been sitting here silently waiting.
I know everyone does it, but it's killing me.
I know you were talking a lot, but it seemed rude.
Let's let the dudes do what they do.
And then we talk when they say our names.
What's up, Catfish Navy?
I'm back, baby.
I'm ready to burn.
I'm ready to turn and burn.
Give you guys some silly things to giggle at.
Let's have fun.
Hell yeah
This is a love fest
for both catfish Navy
and the Pin Pals out
What up Pimp pals?
You ready to get freaky
You ready to get cummy
Your cum queen is here
Back is better than ever
Damn I'm so proud of my girl right now
She is who she is
She's wild
She's raunchy I'm in love with her
She is my cum queen
Love you bed
Wags
You're my cum queen
Wow and you're my number one pussy
Do you guys crank off with your friends as boys?
No, but I have heard about this sort of thing like a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that drop reminded me of that.
I wasn't just like thinking about that.
Here comes some Wagger lore coming up here.
I would have been down to jack off with my boys, but it just never happened.
It would have to have been an organic thing.
Yeah, I think so.
Someone was just like, hey, let's do an auto focus.
Let's all jack off.
I'd be like, right, maybe why not?
Yeah, I got myself into some.
situations, but I didn't
One of my friends
Well, he, I hated him actually
He was like my friend of me when we were like 13
I'll say it Luke
You suck
Wow, you probably still suck
But we were like watching porno
It's like we're like 14 or something
Me and my buddy were sitting up close like I have to see this
And was it like HBO or was it like somebody's like tape
I think it was a straight up like hardcore porn
Oh wow okay
Boys will do that.
They will show porno.
And they'll show like a, like, a lot of stuff on like rotten.com I saw.
Yeah.
We've talked about this before, but like like stuff that like a child shouldn't see.
Yeah.
My first time watching porno was in that context.
It was at my friend's house.
Their parents were at next door to dinner party.
It was eight years old.
Eight years old.
Well, they had an older brother.
He had a teenage older brother who knew where dad's porno stash was.
So he put on dad's porno.
We all watched it.
Wait, was dad in the porno?
Well, the layer of it was, this was an evangelical Christian family.
And he had a very large porn collection collection.
We were watching on the big screen TV.
And a lot of it was, it was like compilation tape and a lot of it was gay scenes.
And so we get to a gay scene.
And I've told us starting the podcast before, but my friend's brother would be like, oh, it's a bad one.
And fast forward there's, dad's got so many bad ones.
Nick, that's an interesting story, but it's also quite sad.
Like, I thought we're supposed to be having fun.
My story involved my friend Luke wiping cum on my neck.
See, now that's fun.
I get why Luke is a friend of me.
I hated them, and he wiped cum on my neck.
So you're watching porno up front, just jacking off behind you?
Yes.
Unbeknownst to you?
Yes, unbeknownst to us, but like, I wonder what's going on back there.
but it's not really,
I'm not gonna talk about.
You hear rustling.
And then he went
and my friend Wes was like,
is that,
he like,
he couldn't believe it.
I couldn't believe it either.
And like we turned on him
like he was the grossest,
weirdest boy in town.
And he thought it was funny.
He's like,
he like thought it was funny.
Like I'm like and come with my friend.
I'm such a cool jock.
And then we were like,
you're the biggest freak on the planet
and he like had shame
and it felt nice to.
Yeah,
he deserves shame to that turn.
Yeah,
that's too far.
That's too far.
You don't wipe cum on your friends, man.
You don't wipe come on your friends.
You don't do that.
You don't do it.
You don't do it.
Or surprise them with it.
Right.
You don't surprise them with it.
If you say like, hey, buddy, I got a little cum in my hand and it's coming right for you.
And that's one thing.
Sure.
Give them a warning.
I would never even have the option, unless you consider Wally and Irma friends.
I would never even have the options.
And I don't mean that as I come in them.
I'm just saying, I'm saying, I'm sorry, on them.
Please, Louise.
Did I say in them?
No, I said on them.
We could help but our imagination.
We have really good imaginations, Mitch.
And so immediately my mind goes straight to you.
Doggy style.
Thank you.
Well, kitty style.
Tail up.
Legs spread.
I would never even be in that act near friends.
Right.
Except for Wally and Irma, who were my friends.
Sure.
Well, they're my children.
But I, I, uh.
But there was never, there was never,
like a summer camp or, you know, sharing a tent or, you know, like bunk bed situation. A girl's gone wild, long infomercial at 2 a.m. at a sleepover. No, I mean, I would like just be open that I, like masturbated and I got made fun of for that even. Like boys can be very strange about some of that stuff. Sure. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like a, but no, like open. That's why it's important now for you to be proud of it. Yes. You know what I mean? Proud masturbator. Because you don't want like little Mitches today.
100% being embarrassed.
Right.
I'm proud I can still do it for crying a lot.
This is your mission.
This is your mission in life to empower boys.
To feel not ashamed
to crank off.
I agree with that.
You should go to churches and schools.
Churches especially.
Thank you, pastor.
Let's start with a prayer.
Lord, give me the strength to jack off
and to tell every single person
that I'm jacking off all the time.
Amen.
There you go.
I was talking to the kids
about we have kids about farting.
And it was like, do kids like fart in class?
Because like I ripped butt in front of my kids all the time and like they'd get a kick
out of it.
I was like, and then Robin farted my son and then he kind of felt embarrassed about it because
like Peggy's like, oh, you farted.
And he's like, no, I didn't.
It's like, dude, how many times you heard me fart today?
Right.
Like 18.
And it's like it's so funny.
We all laugh every time.
But then when they fart, it's like.
There is a shame.
And I mean, we were talking about a lot of this beforehand.
I don't mean to out you here.
but you are getting a colonoscopy.
Sure, sure.
Too far.
I'm comfortable speaking.
That was in confidence.
Well, I got one a year ago in June, so almost a year and a half ago in June.
And I just drank the gatory, but we were all saying that.
Did you ask the doctor to do a bigger wand?
Like, did you ask if there were sizes?
What's the gauge?
What's the gauge here?
1.5 inch?
You got like Darth Mall's double lightsaber, basically?
I went under.
I didn't know what they did the countdown thing with me.
They're like, we're going to put this stuff in there.
And you're like, and they're like, you're going to count down from 10 and people don't make it very long.
And I was like, oh, I think I can make it pretty long.
And then I didn't even remember counting.
So that was the last I remember talking to her.
Wow.
And then I woke up and it was kind of a pleasant experience.
You don't remember, because you're going to go under too.
I actually have been under one time when I had my phehole stretched.
Oh my God.
Did I tell you guys that story already?
I feel like it always.
I don't know if we talked about it on the pot.
It's possible we did, but I remember hearing about this procedure.
Yeah.
I will repeat myself.
No, please.
My pee stream was real slow, so the doctor stuck a rod in there and tried to stretch my p-hole.
I don't know.
Did it work?
No.
There's a member of the birthday boys who had a pee obstruction.
It just sounds like, it sounds bad.
It all sounds very bad.
Yeah.
Yeah, I might need to go in for a follow-up.
But didn't you find out in the aftermath that this is a, like, it was an older urologist?
So we have talked about this.
Catfish Navy is enjoying this old classic.
I mean, this is your one reward for getting your p-hole stretched by like an 89-year-old doctor.
It was quite old.
It's like, is that you get to tell this story for the rest of your life.
And I remember trying to tell you that to cheer you up when you were in recovery from this.
It's like, this is such a good story.
If you could see how funny this is from the outside.
What was the issue with the 89-year-old dog?
This is not a procedure that they do anymore, like the stretching of the peel.
And even after he did it, he was like, it will be stretched for like six months.
So, like, in theory, like, you have to go in every six months.
I don't remember him.
I don't remember that part.
But I do remember.
I mean, everyone's heard this story.
But it was Dr. Sampton.
And he kind of talked like this.
And he was like, he like, checked my, like, he stuck his finger at my butt.
at one point.
And he's like,
ooh,
goose you there,
didn't I?
Guest you.
He just did it for fun?
Yeah.
No, no.
No, like,
no,
he stuck his finger
of my butt to like check my prostate.
Okay, got to get it.
And then as he was doing it,
he said,
ooh,
goofed you there,
didn't I?
And then he said something,
a West Hollywood joke.
Like,
like,
Welcome to West Hollywood
or something like that.
He's an 89-year-old doctor.
Yeah,
he was,
I thought he was 82
or something like that.
He was early 80s,
but he made a couple
of wise cracks
like within one second,
of sticking his finger at my butt.
And then I stuck my finger up his butt.
And I was like, do you notice how I'm not making jokes right now?
That is how you're supposed to do it, doctor.
This is professional.
Wouldn't it be beautiful, though, if when you got your pahole stretch and then there was
like, you, you, like, ran into, like, a burning building and your bigger stream put
out the fire?
That would be beautiful.
I was, I was, as I was driving home, I'm just, like, looking for smoke, like, chugging water.
I'm going to need this, I said.
An old lady's hair on fire.
An old man's mustache.
Oh, my cigar is out of, oh, no, help me.
Okay, sir, this might seem weird.
I think that it was worth it to get your pehole stretched in the end.
Yeah, I mean, here I am.
Having a great time talking about it.
The pissing blood was not fun, but this was fun.
Oh, God, damn.
Pissing blood, yikes.
Sorry.
We should talk heated rivalry, which is a show that Mitch has now watched the pilot of,
which we talked about over on pilot program of the Do Boys Double with a great Becky Feldman.
We out this past Tuesday for Love Week.
You both have seen heated rivalry as a bye.
Yeah, we're...
Are we all the way through it?
We're maybe over halfway through.
I think we're all the way.
And I think there's more to come.
Okay.
Then let's stay out of spoiler country.
You might have more to see.
Amelia's watched the whole series now three times through.
Three times and the pilot four times.
Oh, my God.
It's really good.
It's very compelling series.
Natalie likes it too.
Yeah, she does.
She watched it twice in her own.
Twice in a row?
No, I watched it once.
We watched it once together and then she watched it again on her own.
Wow.
And she has the books now.
Yeah.
I wasn't sure how it would make me feel.
You know, I haven't watched a lot of, you know, gay sex in my life.
And I wasn't sure.
It's like, and then I watched it.
I was like excited for them to be blowing each other.
It was tawdry.
exciting and
and then it's like time for anal
and that's exciting.
I don't know.
I like stuff like that.
It's nice to see a spark
between two people.
They do have a spark.
Have you tried that
what they do?
Sucking off a hockey player?
I haven't made it down to a king's game
recently but I can go down there
and see what's up.
You know what it is?
It's forbidden love.
Have you thought about maybe trying to spark
something with someone
that you're not supposed to?
Yeah, hang out around
like a middle school.
or...
Jesus Christ.
Generations down.
I was saying
generations will find me
cool in years to come.
That's not how it came out.
And that is a spark.
I just don't follow.
No, I didn't mean that's a spark.
I'm saying,
your parents may not think I'm cool,
but you'll...
Down the line,
somebody in there will think I'm cool.
Right.
I still am lost, but...
I hope you fall in love.
I hope you do too, Mitch.
I don't care.
How old she is.
If you really want something...
What, there's got to be something
other than just like,
young girls that would be like forbidden.
Like a nun.
A nun would be surprising.
A nun would love to, I would love to marry a nun.
There was a TikTok nun we were looking at there because like, that could be a future Mrs.
Mitchell.
Oh, there was that TikTok nun.
A frisky nun.
A frisky nun would be great.
Are they allowed to wed?
No.
They have to renounce the cloth.
You have to like uncloke a nun?
Yeah.
Dude, that would be so hot.
That would be awesome.
Oh, dude, I would love to uncloke some nuns, dude.
You know what?
She's willing to like.
I thought to find one with a shaky faith.
And then you catch her at a moment of weakness and you say, well, if God was real, he would have never done that to you.
Yeah.
I would never treat you like that.
And you know when their faith is most shaky when they're very young.
Just starting out in the convent.
Fresh recruit.
Yeah, they're afraid they might have made a mistake.
It's like, oh my God, I'm just brand new to this whole none thing.
So I have the full, like, fucking get up.
Right.
So it's definitely hot.
Shut up.
Kiss me, you holy bitch.
Why, Mr. Mitchell, you can't talk to me like that.
You get out of this nunnery right this minute,
or else I'll, I'll take the ruler to your ass.
There's something there.
You just open up something.
I'm going to do some, let's just say my old pal on grok and I will have.
I'll be making some requests to grok tonight.
Have you gotten, did you get to Scott Hunter and Kipp?
Are you at that point?
We're right, yeah, like right at the beginning.
Okay, okay.
So, yeah, you've got more serious.
You're starting to hint like, oh, it's crazy that he's gay.
Yeah.
And it's like, oh, well, I didn't know that.
We saw that one restaurant scene where they kind of like mention it.
Yeah.
Alluded, yeah.
Yeah, it's definitely, it's a fun show.
It's quite steamy.
It really is steamy.
The ROMSAR dynamite.
I started watching traitors.
That's the show I was watching.
I've had a lot of fun with traitors.
Have you watched that way?
Less asses.
I haven't seen Traders.
That's a hard turn for me.
There's a lot less.
There is.
I just, I, I, I haven't watched any show.
I just want to be involved in a little way.
Dude, we don't watch a lot of shows.
I don't watch a lot of shows either.
I don't watch shows either.
But Traders was fun.
What?
What?
Alan Cumming.
He's having a lot of fun in that show.
Yeah.
God bless him.
Great.
I don't even have a spark with our guests or to my co-host.
I'm sorry.
Was I rude just now?
I just kind of wanted to talk more about.
about the gay sex, I guess,
and I was,
but I think I actually said everything
I have to say about that show.
I think you really have to cover it. Yeah, yeah.
Traders is good.
We love Survivor.
And so when we see a survivor on there,
like Boston Robb.
Yes, I haven't watched that.
I've heard that season's good.
Oh, it is.
And he's got your accent.
Do you know Boston Rob?
Oh, yeah.
We're good friends.
All the boss, all the, all the,
there is a group of bosses.
I go, like, I meet,
wise, but monthly I meet with the Boston,
a little boss and cabal.
Yeah, right.
There's a little crew.
Yeah, yeah.
Me, Boston Rob,
Wally.
A ball of baked beans.
Wally, the Green Monster.
Dickie Barrett.
Dickie Barrett.
Dickie Barrett.
Dickie Barrett.
Cast of Cheers?
The cast of cheers.
Yeah, the remaining cast of cheers.
Yeah, there's a good crew that all of us meet up.
Right.
That's cool.
That's cool.
We have a funny joke with John Glover from on brand with John and Marissa.
On the Glover lover.
We started watching Cheers from the beginning and we're like,
Season one and a half, you know.
Like we watch like 32 episodes of it or something.
And it's like we love, what's this name of the guy?
We love coach.
Oh, coach is good.
He's the best character.
And so John will always ask like, how's coach looking?
Is that pretty healthy?
Don't get too attached to coach.
Oh, he seems great.
He seems great.
I just look forward to the next nine seasons.
Poor coach.
Coach is good.
He's great.
He is so sweet.
God, they don't make shows like that anymore.
They don't make them like they used to.
So good.
Boys to men, they don't make up, this is we talking about this beforehand.
There's certain things.
Boys of men, a great love group, by the way.
Boyce to men, a fantastic love group.
If I'm making love, I will usually turn on some boys to men.
Really?
Will you really?
And was that the last year?
I actually like it.
I mean, no, I don't, you know, I don't think I've ever turned on music to make love to.
Really?
It's funny.
It's like embarrassing.
Like, it shouldn't be, but like I do like making love to like sexy music.
I'll sometimes whistle a song for the lady I'm with while we're doing it.
Well, there's also.
Also, there's a time when you're getting it on, you have roommates, and so that helps
cover the noise of the act of carnality.
Yeah.
Sure, yeah.
Walk right by, he's saying that I will whistle a song for the woman I'm making love to?
And that's normal.
Sorry.
The Andy Griffith, I should have been called it.
The Andy Griffith theme song.
No spark, eh?
No spark.
Sparkless.
The spark, I haven't, I, you know, this, I'm going to find this.
My spark's going to come back.
I think this is your year you get a spark.
I think, you know what?
Let's rub a couple sticks together and see what happens.
Are you real, when you go on dates, do you do like the, like, touching, like, do you touch, like, try to, do you flirt?
Do you flirt? Oh, yeah.
Come, come, come, sit, sit, sit.
Oh, yeah, that's good.
I think I sense the spark.
Pinson, I think you characterized it as such in the past.
Mitch is a bit of a flirt.
The spoon man can be a poon man.
Oh, yes, I did call him the poon man.
I found a picture of Mitch flirting with me.
I think he was flirting with me.
No, that's not true.
It's not true.
What the fuck?
She's married years later.
Maybe.
I mean, I don't even know what I was doing at that point.
I posted it online.
I said Spoon Man.
It's a Poon Man.
Well, yes.
There's some old photos from 2006 that are rightfully not posted online.
There's a Facebook memory that Bruce always brings up of.
There was a mega group Harold and everyone is clothed and I'm naked standing in the group.
I will just say that.
I think it goes at that.
We don't do that kind of stuff anymore.
We don't do that sort of stuff anymore.
We're grown-ups.
We're grown-ups now.
We're serious performers.
We don't show our penis and balls.
It's one or the other.
That's a good point.
I would always cover myself.
That is the truth.
I would, and anytime I was naked on stage, I would very much make sure that I was covered.
You want, like, credit for that?
So you're getting pubs.
You're getting creak.
But you're not seeing my butthole.
Mitch means he puts one finger over his pee hole.
You just see a neck.
I asked Anya Kanovkaya, who is of Russian heritage about heated rivalry,
and specifically was like, How's Connor Story, who's from Texas, plays Ilya, how's his Russian accent, and how's his spoken Russian?
Her reply, it's so good that I had to Google if he had Russian parents.
His Russian is, like, better than his Russian accent even though.
somehow I don't get it.
Wow.
That was a shocker that he was from Texas.
And seeing, there was a while where my Instagram feed was all those two guys.
Yeah.
Like being so adorable in interviews and shocker that, yeah, he's not actually Russian.
When I found out he wasn't actually Russian, I was like, holy shit, this guy's going places.
Yeah, he's good.
Can he, is he from Texas?
Yeah.
Apparently, yeah.
So he's got like, can he do that?
He can he.
He can do anything.
He can do whatever he wants if he can do Russian.
Yeah, there you go.
is mark my words right here.
I thought it was not a big deal when I saw it.
What?
Dang, Mitch.
Us actors are chameleons.
Whoa, too German.
Pretend I'm Anne Frank and you're one of the guys
of the best ending grapter.
Dear Diary.
Hello?
This kind of sounds Russian again.
Near you hail from Oklahoma originally.
Originally, is there granularity between like an Oklahoma accent and like a Texas accent?
It's funny like even being there like I could try it.
Let me try to, I mean like it's like Oklahoma's like it's kind of like this I suppose.
Okay.
It's like it's kind of subtle.
And then you go out to the.
I can do it too.
My cousins, I saw him at my mom's funeral.
Hey, Dad Parent Club.
I'm sorry.
But I hadn't seen them in years.
And it was like I started making fun of them.
and it was like, David, don't.
Like, it was like, David, come eat a tequila.
Do you want chicken or beef?
And my cousin Andrew was like, I, tequitas.
I don't even know what a tequila is.
Is that like a rolled up like tortilla, like deep fried like with like meat in it?
I'm like, yeah, you know exactly what a tequila is.
She's like, that isn't even what I sound like.
She was so offended.
And she sounds just like that.
Wow.
But I was just.
I played curly.
in Oklahoma and I wish I had known some
of this, that was
one of my first big roles. Curly in
Oklahoma and raised the curtain, summer
camp theater in Quincy, Massachusetts.
What do Oklahoma's think of
Oklahoma the musical?
Oklahoma, where the wind comes
when. Wow, you forgot
the sweeping down the planes part, huh?
I got nervous because I thought it was sweeping down
the lanes and I didn't know it's planes.
It was a bowling reference. That would have been
really embarrassing if you got that line wrong.
Oklahoma is the first line
Oh yeah this curly sucks
Did he even
Look at the fucking lyrics
Mom I want to go
Is there an Oklahoma I feel like not
Doesn't get a lot of representation in media
Does do Oklahomans like Oklahoma the musical
I honestly have never seen it
Wow
I've never seen Oklahoma
Just never came up
Never came up
I was in the musical department
We didn't do it sure
But we did a couple of songs in vocal music.
I remember Surrey with the fringe on top.
There you go.
You know, but I think people generally like that musical,
but no one's talking about that in Oklahoma.
They're, they're...
You're talking about the Thunder.
Well, yeah, I mean, I love SGA.
I love the Thunder, obviously.
But, you know, when I was a kid, we didn't have shit.
We had the 89ers minor league baseball team.
Right.
But Oklahoma's talk about what?
They kind of, they're all kind of,
Generally speaking, quiet, polite.
You go out of the city and everyone's fishing and hunting and...
Koso, so papillas.
Oh, sure.
We love our tax max and real slow living and they talk slower and they just kind of hang out at the gas station and talk about Shirley.
Shirley's got this new car.
It's like it's a Pontiac, but it's...
It's maroon.
What's that color?
What's that other color?
It's red, red.
That's kind of like 80% of like Oklahomans and then.
Talking about Pontiacs.
They're just kind of like, you know, just simple like talking about other people.
Right.
Which is kind of what I do now, I suppose.
Sure.
Me and Wacker, we're from California.
So like we're always talking about like hanging 10.
Yeah.
Avocados.
Alicados.
Yeah, yeah.
What else?
What else?
The beach kind of adjacent to hanging 10.
Yeah, I guess it's pretty close to hanging 10.
Surfboards.
Yeah, right.
Sublime.
Sublime, of course.
Sublime, for sure, yeah.
Hang in 10 could mean a couple things when you say it.
Okay.
Do you, do you remember?
He's hanging 11.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus.
We've never done a show in Oklahoma.
It would be fun to do.
There's great people.
The people that I like, like, I know a bunch of Oklahoma.
Me and the ghost of Timothy McVeigh.
Is he from Oklahoma or did he just do his dirty deed there?
I think he just did the dirty deed there, I think.
Or maybe he did live there, I'm not sure.
That explosion was so big.
I was 20, at least 20, 25 miles away.
And it shook my argument.
Holy shit.
And we looked up and it looked like it was just down the street.
The smoke was so big.
It was like, whoa, there must have been an explosion.
We found out later.
It was the Murrah Federal Building.
Look it up for you at home who want to see some terribly sad things.
Yeah.
Why'd you talk about
Why'd you bring this up?
I was just trying to say he looked like Timothy McVey.
That was your joke?
I thought you were saying you were like going to summon the ghost of Timothy McVey
to be a guest.
No, I was saying me and the ghost of me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I think I called you Timothy McVeemey make way in the past.
He's kind of a cool looking guy though, right?
No.
I don't think so.
He looks like he's from like full metal jacket.
What the hell are you into?
What the hell?
What I know about Timothy McVeigh is that his last meal was,
four pints of mint chip ice cream.
Whoa.
That I do agree with.
So he's dead.
He's dead.
Good riddins.
Yeah.
Four pines.
Sorry.
Well, yeah.
That would be a real faux paw.
You go and fuck Timothy McVeigh or try to like get a spark with Timothy McVeigh.
It's like he killed all those people.
This is wrong.
Weiger and Timothy McVeigh, heated rivalry in that sort of situation.
You both, you like mint chocolate chip ice cream too.
I could see that being in what you're last meal too.
Four pints.
Four pints.
I don't think you do four pines.
Is that what took him out was the four pines?
I think so, yeah.
They went in to get him and he was dead. He was dead. It was just four empty pints.
Yeah, there you go. That'll do it.
Marissa, you know on brand, one of my favorite podcasts in my heavy listening rotation.
You and John Glover have such great chemistry and it's such an illuminating show.
Do you have anything planned for this year's Valentine's Day?
We have a frisky episode coming out the week before Valentine's Day.
We have a directs episode.
We take turns teaching each other the history of brands.
and John picked Durex to surprise me.
And the history of condoms, which is very surprising about how it was the original condom was created by this guy.
He was a king.
And the legend was, or the kind of mythology of this time for this guy is that his cum had scorpions in it.
And so he was cheating on his wife and all these women that he was having sex with died.
And so everybody thought that his cum had scorpions in it that was killing them.
So what he did was, and John was like, I don't know if it was.
his idea or his wife's idea.
I was like, it was definitely his idea.
He put in his wife like some kind of like lamb,
that he like crammed a bunch of shit in his wife's vagina
to kind of block the cum from getting in.
I am the cum queen.
And that like was the first condom.
Like the idea of like creating a physical semen barrier.
So this guy says there's no way I'm pulling out.
That's what I said.
All of the invention.
innovation, like the condoms made out of like animal organs.
And like it's like you'd rather put like a like a lamb's intestine on your penis than pull out.
What's he going to do?
Pull out and spray scorpions all over her belly.
That would have been really scary.
Yeah.
I only buy condoms and I would say scorpion side on it.
You're going to kill those scorpions.
Your comforter is covered in scorpion stains.
Comforters, right?
I tell your tiny lady about that.
Mitch, are you a condom guy?
You like putting them on?
Oh, I hate, I hate jimmies.
They never, are they, uh, uh, uh, no, I guess I do not like a, hey, it's love week.
I'll talk about this.
I guess I don't love the feel of a, I don't know anyone who like loves the feel of a condom, I guess.
It has been so long since I've worn a condom, but I do remember.
I'm going to tell you, are you guys out of the game?
I want to tell you, skin condoms, S-K-Y-N, skin condoms.
I like them.
I like to hear that you're using condoms for sex.
I have some skin condoms in my,
there's quite a layer of dust on them at this point.
Yeah, but you got to use protection when you jack off.
You should,
easy cleanup.
You should check the expiration date on those next.
I will,
you know, I did do,
I remember, I've said this before,
but like my sister's friend gave me a DVD of road trip
and then a bunch of condoms,
my freshman year of college,
and I remember my senior year,
throwing away all those condos?
The saddest thing is like, okay,
this wasn't useful at all.
But no, I don't think anyone likes,
I don't think I've ever, I don't know if I,
I probably have used, this is too, TMI,
but I probably have used a Durex condom
at one point in my life.
But that to me seems very much like
someone being like, I have this condom,
you're like, a Dorex conno, sucks.
Like, I think Trojans are very popular.
We did Trojan.
We did Trojan, yes.
We talked about Otrexon.
We did Trojan.
Trojan are the very common, that's a very common condom.
Yeah, and that's the number one brand of condoms in America.
Durex is number two.
And they're both kind of came out at the same time, but Trojan had the branding.
Trojan man.
The Trojan man.
It like evokes a sense of like protection security.
It's like trustworthy, right?
Trojan is a powerful too.
It's powerful.
It's penetrating a fortress that does not want to be entered.
Durex is like Durex.
Some of them have holes in them.
Why don't you make that?
So you know how there's magnum?
Trojan has magnum and that's like the bigger condoms.
Yes, I've heard about those.
What they call the smaller condoms is the industry term is snug.
Yes, I also know about snug fit.
You're hearing this for the first time.
Oh, interesting.
Wow.
We've talked about snug fit condoms quite a bit.
Yeah.
Tighter the better.
Do you put your balls in them, too?
In condoms?
Yeah, where's the ball condom?
Yeah, just to get an extra tight fit.
That would be fun.
Dude, all the rules.
Put your balls in condoms?
I don't know, ball condom, why not?
Surprise them, buddy.
Snug fit condoms.
Never try, yeah, yeah, whatever.
I have never tried to, I should try a snug fit condoms.
Yeah, why not?
We should do that for snack or whack.
I don't know what.
Snugger loose.
Snuck or loose?
See if a snuck on them is loose.
Okay, so we've all got our condoms on.
Try to guess if yours is standard magnum or snub.
We'll go around and guess.
Pins of John Glover, your co-host, of course, worked with James Cameron on the Avatar
Franchise.
Have you seen the new Avatar Fire and Ash?
No, and I haven't seen the second one either.
Oh, man, treat yourself.
Two great films.
Yeah, you guys are very into Avatar.
and John loves to text with you about that.
What were you going to say?
Marissa saw the first avatar.
I liked that.
We were in the theater.
I was like, well, that was quite a ride.
And she was like, eh.
gag me with the suit.
This is what she said.
I liked it better when it was called.
Fern gully.
Okay.
So I, sometimes that's a funny thing to do when the audience is quiet as the credits roll is to make a snide remark.
Like you're 16 years old.
like too loud
everyone's like shuffling out
I liked it better when it was called
Ferngully
she hams to the audience
is very similar to
Ferngully and I had a sexual awakening
to Fern Gully okay but he doesn't turn
into a Fern Gully at the end of Fern Gully
It's very similar it's about like
which I this was however many years
ago the Avatar came out but if you know the plot of
Fern Gully it's the rainforest
is being compromised by
that there's this
Robin Williams
who does the voice
of like the oil monster
I can't remember the cast
I've never seen for a galley
I've never seen it
It's been years
Well there's a really hot
cartoon male lead in that
and they have like
kind of an erotic scene
where they like dance
on water
But it wasn't a very popular
Disney movie or whatever
Spinoffa too right
Yeah that's a common
Sexual Awakening moment
I worked with Devansawa
up in Toronto
Oh really?
It was very nice
Wow
Sexual awakening for you
I mean, meeting Devon Sawa.
He was looking good. Also, Final Destination.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we like that.
Casper. Those are great. Good for him.
Getting back out there.
You were correct. Robin Williams' voice is Batty Kota.
Oh, he's the bat. Yes.
Okay. So the character, they're Tim Curry as
Hexas. I imagine he's not the romantic lead.
Perhaps it's Christian Slater as Pips.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or Jonathan Ward is Zach.
Oh, maybe Zach.
So Tim Curry's character, I think, is like the oil monster.
Samantha Mathis is in this.
Cheech and Chong?
Tone Loke?
Quite a cast.
It's exactly the same premise as Avatar.
I'll stand by it.
That's okay, though.
Mother Pastorlli, great actor.
I have some blocks with animation also.
I don't know.
Maybe I need to do some inner work.
She will not watch an animated film.
Oh, boy.
I'm like, there's some of them that catch my eye.
And I'm like, let's try this.
What's that jazzy one from Pixar?
Soul. I was like, oh, yeah, because I cry when I watch those goddamn Disney movies.
And also, to give you cried, that came out during pandemic. So you were saying no to a Pixar movie when it was the middle of pandemic.
Yeah. I'm a full-time stay-home mom. I am with kids in kid land all the time. So at the end of the day, when the kids are like go to bed, you think I'm going to put on soul?
I want to watch somebody's like head get blown off.
I want to see a torrid love affair.
I want to see two men butt fuck.
I want to see like R-rated stuff at the end of the day.
Well, you weren't that excited when I put on Ken Burns American Revolution.
And that's very far from kiddo stuff.
True, true, true.
That is quite mature themes.
You're right.
Why wasn't I more excited about that?
I don't know.
We were going to try to cover Hooters for Love Week.
Unfortunately, it seems that the closest hooters is now located in my home.
area of Long Beach, California.
And it's,
which is just the closest one now?
There was Hollywood, there was Burbank.
There were quite a few.
What the hell's happened to this city?
What's happened to this country?
Buffalo Wild Wings, I bet, took over
their share of wings.
Because my friends used
to, like, go there for the wings.
You know, I went there a couple times, and it was
in Oklahoma, they also have Twin Peaks,
which is a similar theme restaurant.
That's the other national chain.
We went into a Twin Peaks.
Guess what?
He was not knowing that it meant tits.
Did we not?
We had no idea.
But remember how, I mean, that's Oklahoma.
There's another part of Oklahoma is like rowdy bar folk.
And like kind of macho boot wearing.
Like get your ass kick kind of place.
Yeah.
Pitcher beer drinking.
I've got my ass kick by pretty good.
You sparking?
You sparking a little bit.
I've almost got my ass kicked by a lot of dudes like that.
Wow.
Four-age clubs.
I mean,
I would take all,
maybe I would take them.
I've almost beat my ass just from being a little smarmy, like,
sure.
I'm just being cute.
Yeah, Hollywood.
And they don't like,
they don't like that.
Yeah,
I love your antics,
but I can see how you could get under someone's skin.
Oh, yeah.
I can be really like,
oh, I'm sorry.
Did that upset you, sir?
It's like, what the fuck did you say to me?
I just didn't want to upset you, sir.
Well, now you really pissed me off.
Right.
Oh, dear.
You know.
Yeah.
That sort of.
I love watching the animaniacs, but I don't, you know, I don't want to hang out with,
you know, I don't want to go drinking with them.
Yeah, you don't want me hanging out with breaking bread with yacko, wacko, and dog.
Are you saying I'm kind of a yacko?
I kind of think we are a little bit of a yacro.
It's only when they deserve it.
It's like, I remember one time this guy like played pool with my quarters.
You know, you put quarter, you line your quarters up, and then he played with it, and I went up to him.
I was like, excuse me, I think you're playing my game right now.
And he got up in my face.
and I was quite the smart ass to him.
I would have you guys get behind me if we want to know on those bars.
I take care of everybody.
Mitch, I appreciate that.
I definitely need a big boy to come in with me.
Not like, sorry, I didn't mean to call you a big boy.
Oh, no, I am.
But like, I have historically loved being friends with big boys.
Maybe I've already spoken about this on the pot.
I don't know.
I repeat myself so much.
I'm not a...
Tall guys, like I get along better with bigger men.
I'm a very sensitive big boy and also Wags knows this,
but I'm very weak.
So it's never been a helpful thing for me.
That's not true.
Well, I mean, like,
weak comparatively to guys who want to start fights.
Yeah, sure, but you're a strong man.
I've tested your strength before.
You have.
You could overpower me.
Do you sit on your chest or something?
What was the, wait, what was the context for this?
I think I sat on your chest.
I think you did sit on my chest.
Hey, see how long you can sit on my chest before I beg you to stop.
You are, you are, you're a, you, you're, you, you're, you, you're, you, you, you, you,
pure power.
You get some strength behind you.
Yeah, but a lot of times they see the big boys and they, you know, they go after,
they go after the big boys because they're like, they're like a lot of the time.
You know what?
Sometimes it would be the, some of the smaller guys would go after the big boys because they
want to like make it in them like, you would be in the line of fire.
They can smell it on you too.
They can smell if you're a big boy who doesn't want to fight.
You could help a little boy rise the ranks in his gang.
It's true.
Like kicking your ass.
I mean, it is, or if he could ride on my shoulders or something like that.
Sure.
Our buddy Eric Edelstein passed a past guest in the podcast.
A lovely man.
A lovely man like you, Mitch, is something of a gentle giant.
You both have been bouncers.
You both have been doormen.
He's cast to play skinheads constantly.
Yes.
But this is just an absolute sweetheart.
But his way, I know, and he may have said this on the pot of diffusing tension
when a smaller guy would want to challenge him to fight was just be like,
yeah, you got me, buddy.
Yeah, you absolutely could.
Go back and tell your friends that you kick my ass.
I'm running for the hills.
Yes, yeah.
You could, like, rent yourself out to, like, help little boys impress their ponies.
Stop trying to team me up with little boys.
I don't want to deal with little boys.
What is Mitch getting out of this?
He's doing fine in life.
It's my new idea for an app where big boys are rented out by little boys.
You know, I think that I've never done big brother stuff, and I think I would have a lot of fun being a big brother.
You do have big brother energy.
No, it's funny because I have.
I do, I've always wanted that.
I do have little brother energy because I, because I am a little brother.
That is the truth.
And then also I've always, I've never had a brother.
So I always like, I get very, when it's like, you get this.
Like a, you know, like a gabris or somebody, I'm like, hey, it's like a big brother.
You get that energy with somebody.
And I love it.
But I think that I also, with younger kids, I think I would be a fun big brother.
I should, I got to do something like that.
Yeah.
And I do have a brother, my awful older brother, Nate.
And I've thought about doing Big Brothers or something like that myself.
The issue with me is there's 500 episodes of this podcast where you call me a pedophile.
So it might be.
You might get flagged in the screening process.
Yeah, it might be tricky for you.
That's rough.
Yeah.
That's rough.
What are you going to do?
What is your affection with Hooters?
It's been a while since I've been to a hooded.
Oh, by the way, Twin Peaks just filed for bankruptcy.
Wow.
And we've never done it.
We haven't done Twin Peaks.
Files are going down.
What the hell?
Filing for bankruptcy isn't necessarily a death now.
It can sometimes just be a legal procedure and that they'll stay afloat or find a buyer.
But yes, it's certainly that.
And then tilted kilt the other big restaurant.
And I don't know how they're, I assume they're all kind of fading.
That's the big three, right?
Those are the only ones.
Yeah.
But what is your relation, y'all's relationship with Hooters?
We had a family friend who worked at Hooters and we went to eat there after San Diego's
street scene to visit my friend, a family friend's daughter who was working there where I saw
Mark McGrath Sugar Ray.
I smelled marijuana for the first time and realized that it smelled like my dad's bathroom
and realized that my dad had been smoking weed my entire childhood.
Sugar Ray taught you this.
Sugar Ray taught me this.
I was in the crowd of Sugar Ray at Street Scene and I was like, why does it smell like
dad's bathroom?
And then I turned around and I saw a guy with a big joint and I was like, oh my God,
like all the pieces of a beautiful mind coming together that my dad has been, hi, my
entire childhood.
Or maybe Sugar Ray used your dad's bathroom occasionally.
That's a really good point.
He would have been welcome.
I had a Mark McGrath poster on my wall.
He would have been welcome.
And I later met him working at the tanning salon and he was really nice.
Oh, that's nice.
I like a nice guy.
Do you ever spray him from tit to tail?
I didn't spray him from tit to tail.
I would have.
He was friendly.
I think he was married.
I'm sure I probably tried to flirt.
But yeah, I don't know.
He had lost his appeal.
It's like...
Well, well, well, you're accusing me of being a flurber.
It sounds like you were
Flirting left and right back in a day.
Marissa was, I mean, it's Love Week.
She made her intentions well-known with me.
Sure.
Okay.
Very early on.
You have to these days.
Come on, times money, people.
She's such a good flirt.
I remember we were kind of like hanging out mutual friends at my house.
Like, Jenny was there, Jenny Pearson, and some other friends of ours.
And she was just.
I think I was 21.
21.
Because I know I had a fake ID to go into birds when we were doing.
improv the bar next to UCB so I had a fake idea yes and I remember I had been drinking there for like
two years and then I turned 21 and I like was like it's my 21st birthday and they were like
you drunk here like two weeks ago do you know what's one is that I in the like in the very very
very early days at UCB I you were one of the people that was that there that I remember going to shows
you were like a very very very very early day UCB we had a good time we're party animals before I even
knew you Oogs wow wow
Yeah, there you go.
I remember thinking it was so cool that everyone loved my girlfriend.
Oh, yeah.
The UCB community just seemed to like.
That's nice.
You love, you gotta love Pinson.
How long you not love Pinson?
I fell in love with her.
I remember her 22nd birthday party.
I was like, we were drinking.
I was like, I love her.
I'm in love with her.
Wow, talk about sparks.
Sparks for fly in.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was fun.
That's awesome.
Being love is great.
You'll figure it out.
You'll figure it out.
Thanks a lot.
It's really all you need.
So the world, it seems like the world has lost to spark.
We're putting sweaters on Hooters and on Twin Peaks.
That's a really good point.
America's wearing a big sweatshirt, take it off, I say.
Yeah.
Let those puppies breathe.
Yeah, let those puppies breathe again.
Wait, they're instituting sweaters at Hooters?
No, no.
Mitch is metaphorically.
I meant metaphorically, but you mean like they're shutting down and we're losing our love tithiness.
We're not going out.
The wings aren't getting eaten.
I don't know what's happening.
I hear kids are having less sex these days.
Everyone keeps saying that we're a more chaste nation,
but then you see something like heated rivalry being so like universally blubbed.
That comes from the snowy hills of Canada, my friend.
But I mean, like, what I'm saying clearly there's this demand in America for this kind of media.
Like, are we just...
We're desperate.
Yeah.
And our horny brothers to the north are bringing it down to us.
Is there a, is there a dormant horniness that's about to emerge?
Dude, everyone's...
From a chrysalis.
I think everyone's not having sex because they're just settling.
I mean, this is kind of debilions.
pressing, but I think they're just whacking off the porn.
They're just gooning because it's just, it's so accessible.
Yeah, I don't think like a, like a 16-year-old is getting all hot and bothered over heated rivalry.
I think, like, if you're by the time you're 16, you've seen like 10,000 Bukakis.
Right.
Let me just put on.
It's not like moving the needle at all.
I'll put on six different monitors of hentai.
You just pull my put on.
That's what I was saying.
And then slap is on my friend's cheek.
Yeah.
When young kids, like that was like Bukakis and stuff like that.
Like, people would show you videos of that when you were like 12 or 13.
or whatever.
That's terrible.
Yeah.
There's a lot of stuff like that is, that's what,
yeah, that's what you were dealing with.
Yeah, I remember watching a horse have sex with a lady when I was like, I don't know.
I think that was when I was in college.
Yeah.
I know it was.
But like, we all watched it.
And then to think about like Hooters being even like that public consciousness is that
hooters is a scandalous restaurant because they're wearing like tank tops and shorts in this,
in this day and age.
Yeah.
It's not even that immodest.
It's not even like a bikini time.
No.
It's crazy.
That's crazy.
Right.
We need to get horny again in this country.
But isn't there so much horny content on like TikTok and Instagram?
I mean, I'm off of these platforms.
But like, at today's point is it is that is it just also accessible?
That everyone can just jack off and you don't need to worry about forming personal connections.
Dance halls.
We need to buggy down.
Maris and I tried to go to Two Step Tuesday the end of night.
We got our cowboy dads on and I was like practicing two-stepping all day at work.
And then we got there, and it was just like a Nora Jones type of lady just singing music.
Two-step Tuesday was canceled.
But we want to be at the forefront of dance coming back, social dancing.
Because you're touching.
You're in the real world.
I mean, talk about generating a spark.
That's true.
Definitely.
That's all kids used to do.
And they would go to sock ops and they'd get all sweaty.
But even when we were when I was, when we were in our 20s, there wasn't like a, because I went into Club TG, which we were supposed to go to.
This was, yeah, Two Step Tuesday.
And now it's turned into a dance, a dance bar.
But when we were younger, UCB, maybe we're just hanging around comedy people is the other thing.
They're not dancing.
Comedy people aren't dancing.
They're laughing.
The only dancing is their belly going up and down with a chuckle and a chortle.
The belly dance of the laughter wigs.
They're too busy bust in a gut to bust a move.
Yeah.
And then to bust a nut.
It's so true.
It's very true.
But I do hope we can make it to Hooters sometime.
I would love for us to go down there and review Hooters.
We'd go down a Long Beach.
We could have a blast.
I was going to say we'd go to the aquarium.
It's next to the aquarium.
Like you have to park in the same parking lot to go to Hooters in the aquarium.
And that's a really fun aquarium.
You can touch like moon jellies.
If we went to the aquarium without our seven-year-old, it would be so weird.
Oh, I saw the neatest squid.
That's how I feel about watching Seoul at 9 p.m.
it's the equivalent of going to the aquarium
without my children.
Would it help if Mitch and I
dressed up as your kids?
That actually would really help.
Sure.
We could get big lollipops and stuff.
I would love to drive by the Weiger home.
I would love to see your home.
I haven't seen my family home in a long time.
My parents moved out of there 20 years ago.
So I don't know.
I assume it should be illegal for parents
to move out of your child at home.
I agree with that.
They were out of there quick.
You're like we're getting the fuck out of it.
Well, that was like a crime scene.
My parents telling me
You're moving out of the house when you're 18
And then I did
And then they got a new house like immediately
And they didn't tell you where it was
They wouldn't want to go to your fucking grudge room
The fucking your haunted room
The rest of the house is very pleasant
But your room is fucking haunted as fuck
Yeah, sure
Sure, yeah
David, we were talking before we recorded
That you had a time when you worked
at the airport lounge for American Airlines
At Ali X, is this correct?
Yeah, the Admirals Club.
I was the, um, the, uh, just like, you know, I would pick up garbage for the stars.
Wow.
And you served one Jimmy Fallon.
I served one Jimmy Fallon.
He saw him up at the, the wet bar.
Uh, and he came out.
Really?
No.
That's no way.
That feels out of character.
Yeah, yeah, he knocked a few back.
The bar was extra wet after he left.
Don't worry, sir.
I'll wipe that up.
And that.
Oh, and I'll wipe that up.
Sir, are you okay?
Sir, smash through the glass onto the hood of a plane.
Sir, you can't do that, I don't think.
Here.
Is this a special?
Like, how do you get to the Admiral's Club?
Can, like, a common man go?
No, it costs money.
I think it costs, like, $5,000 a year or something.
Oh, my God, really?
I don't know, but it was all, you know, wealthy people.
I remember seeing Chris Elliott there, the tenacious deal.
was there.
Wow.
Admiral Ackbar?
Admiral Ackbar was there.
Well, he's walking around a mascot costume because it was the Admirals Club.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Sorry.
That's true.
Yeah.
It was a bad job that I only did for like three or four months.
It was bad because.
Well, you had to drive to L.A.X.
Yeah, and you have to take your shoes off every day.
I mean, it was like an hour.
You have to go through security to get to your job.
Yeah, I could skip in front of people, but I still have to like take my shoes.
choose off and
surrender your
knives.
So like it was like a full
like 12 hours of like
you have to park off
off campus take a shuttle there
you know the whole like just getting
to work before you get paid and then leaving
is like a full like three hours.
Yeah that that time is not compensated
as well no and so then you have like
We have security coming into
head gum that's why Wags always wears
flip flops. Yeah it's just faster.
If you wore that to the airport
would you have to just walk barefoot through?
I think so, yeah.
I think you just have to, I mean, I have pre-check, so I don't take my shoes off, but I think
you would have to do that.
Well, that'd be a waste to not show those tutsies to everyone working at the airport.
Okay.
Thank you.
You say, listen, I have pre-check, but do you mind if I remove my shoes anyway?
I think they'd let you?
You don't want to see these things.
We got pre-check and you got, what's it called, too?
Clear.
What's that?
Clear.
Yeah, we've gone clear.
We've gone clear.
We've gone clear.
Oh, cool.
Cool.
You can,
you can,
there's a,
there's a pre-chat.
Well, we travel.
It's like a privatized pre-check.
It's like fucking everything
in this stupid fucking country
where there's like some up charge
to get a premium version
of a thing that should be a public good.
Yeah, whatever the fuck.
If you got an Amex,
they reimburse you for it.
That's the thing.
It's like you get,
it's a free benefit for the Amex card.
So whatever,
I'll just get clear.
But a lot of times pre-check is faster.
And I'm usually the people I'm with
also have pre-check.
So I'll just like, I'll just do that,
you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whatever.
whatever. But yeah, so you had, because I was going to ask what the logistics were, that fucking sucks that you have to do all that rigmarole just to get to your damn job.
Yeah, that was probably the most depressed I'd been. I mean, I moved away from my mommy and daddy and all of my friends and my sick restaurant job at Tommy's Italian American Grill where I was scraping in like a hundred bucks on a Friday and Saturday night, just make him bank. Then I'd go over to Josh Gilpatrick's house and like drink some makers martin shoot shoot BB guns.
So yeah, I was missing everybody.
I would love to hang out with you at Tommy's Italian, American Grill.
Dude, we partied.
Everybody smokes cigarettes.
So you're smoking, you're drinking beer.
Oh, my gosh, my managers let's drink so much free beer.
Foster's on tap.
You know, it's a cool cigarette move is when the, like, you know,
the guy will have a cigarette in his mouth and he's just talking with it in his mouth.
Yeah, just sticking to their lip.
Yeah, sticking your lip.
I was told it all.
I think I smoked for like four years.
I was told that I never looked like I was a smoker.
No, I got made fun of very much for when I was smoking.
Have you guys heard that smoking is back?
Yeah, cigarettes are back.
Cigarettes are back.
I have thought about taking up smoking again.
Just have something to do.
You've thought about taking up smoking again.
Because I think I could do it casually.
I don't think I'd need to like smoke.
I wouldn't go back to being like a pack of a day smoker, not that ever was at that level, you know.
I think you should become a pipe guy.
That's a different kind of guy.
Big, fast, stinky sogi.
Yeah.
Fucking on a third.
Like the fucking pipe guy is like a leather patches on a tweed jacket.
Yeah, you're a that type of guy.
I don't want to be that type of guy.
And then the cigar guy is like a Tom Selleck, Rudy Giuliani, like NRA conservative.
I don't be that guy either.
I want to be a cigarette guy.
Well, skinny cigarette that you keep in like a gold case.
That I kind of like.
That's pretty good.
If you could do like who's that writer who always has one cigarette.
Oh, I'm thinking of the movie Misery.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Like, if you could really just, like, I treat myself to one,
and he takes a drag off, it's just like.
That's cool.
And it's like, oh, yeah, you can tell it that he loves it.
It's his one cigarette for, like, a whole year or something.
But I don't trust myself like that.
Plus, have you had a cigarette, like, even, like, drunk?
Not in a long time, yeah.
And I remember, I tried it, like, 10 years after I quit or something, like in Vegas or something.
It's like, let me try this.
It's like an acquired taste, and you have to re-exam.
acquire it. Yeah, I could see it being repulsive
if I return to it. Pretty terrible.
But yeah, in those sorts of context
where you can smoke indoors, I'm like, man,
smoking's cool as hell. Yeah.
Remember, I mean, playing music
during making love and then also a cigarette
after post-coitus.
Right. That was the, that was a big
smoking cigarette. That was a movie thing. Like, God, it's a movie thing.
It's so hard. There's only one thing that
can make this buzz better.
He's a one little cigarette.
Dude, what if you like
a drag of a cigarette while you were coming.
I mean, that's like flatlining sort of situation.
I don't know if I could be able to handle it.
Wait, wait, let me light up all.
I guess I could try, I could try to figure that.
I think it's worth it.
I can, I'll do some experimentation on my own.
It's not how it feels.
Yeah, like, but on the, on.
She made a disgusted face.
I just imagining you like cranking off at home, trying to get the timing just right.
with like an empty lighter
trying to like
get it to spark
and like
Oh my dick on fire
Oh
David comes
Pee's on your dick
Put it out
This fire hose whiz
That yeah
That was what you saw on my face
My Pube's help
Oh yeah
You said your pubs are really long
I've been taking monocidil
I've been taking monocidil and makes your pubs grow
Yeah so this is dangerous
You shouldn't smoke in bed
Like your pubs might ignite
Monoctod for your hair to grow
Your hair grows everywhere else
What are you getting like an extra half inch?
Yeah, I think I've gotten a good half inch so far
So these things are dwarfing your dick
Like an abandoned cemetery
The headstone's just getting covered with the tall grass
Yeah, I guess so yes
It is like an abandoned cemetery
You should maybe cut them back
Looks like Cousin It from the Adam's family
I have very, this is too much information again, but I have very clear pubes.
Clear pubes?
Why?
What?
I don't know.
I don't know if it's a blonde thing.
Like transloose?
Like rice noodles?
Yeah, kind of like vermicelli is a little bit like vermicelli.
Are you supposed to have red hair or something?
I do.
There's a little bit of like red, Irish red hair going on with me.
Yeah, but nobody is clear.
Nobody's clear.
the curtains match the grapes and you're like if by
because I'd have a clear beer.
Yeah.
I'm just being honest to you.
I appreciate it.
I think my pews are lighter, lighter than my head here.
Spider webs.
Possible.
It's cobs.
Densely cobbed.
Oh, I did place spiders down there to take care of the scorpions.
There you go.
There you go.
You can find a lot.
Yeah, with monoxidels.
my nose hair has grown.
Long, clear.
Is the hair that's on your head growing?
That's the point, right?
A little bit.
Actually, I'll take a picture on the top of my head.
Good, good coverage.
Great.
It makes your hair grow, like, like, fill in?
Well, I'm doing PRP treatment as well, which is they take your blood, they spin it down,
and then they injure.
Oh, yeah, it is definitely filled in.
I mean, I still have a bald spot on my head, for sure.
But they take your blood, they spin it down, and then with a plight,
plasma, they inject the top of your head.
You're a tall drink of water, so people aren't seen the top of your head very often.
Yes, I know, but every time I walk by a very tall man, I get very embarrassed.
Sure.
Shaquille O'Neal is.
Chakling as he's shaking your head.
Shaming me for being bald, I guess.
He's the only one who knows.
You could like not, you don't have to tell anybody that you have a bald spot and literally
no one we'll ever know.
It is, it's, you know what?
It has.
That could be like, who knows what's going on up there?
No one's seeing it.
And you know what?
You want me to send you guys some before and after pictures?
Oh, that would be awesome.
You know, I've been taking propitia for 10 years.
I'm taking propitia and monocidil.
I've got them both in, I got a propitia and monocidil, like, kind of slurry that I use as a topical cream.
How long have you been on propitia?
A few years, two years maybe.
Yeah.
I feel like my hair is doing pretty good.
Yeah, your gray hair.
I feel very blessed for someone in his 40s.
Yeah.
I remember I saw like a 40-year-old actor in an audition.
one time. I was like, how you still have hair? I'm starting to lose
mine a little bit. It's like propitia. This is the
secret of the stars. Everybody's on
propitia or gets hair
transplants. If you start on propitia
early enough, then it like
it basically prevents you from losing hair.
But you got to just do it forever.
But then I'm also like, whatever, I brush my teeth every day.
Who gives a fuck? Sure. It's pretty easy
to take one of those tiny little pills. Do you
not take the pill? No, I do it because I was getting
side effects from the pills. So if you get it as
a cream, the side effects are muted.
Lemptic. Yeah, limp dick. Yeah, limp dick.
and then depression
you know it's like mental side effects
I wonder if I'm depressed from
hmm
I don't know it's possible
I'm finding I'm finding my bald pictures
I should probably just focus on the
podcast for now
since that is your job
I'm gonna send these
I found them I'm gonna send them to you guys
put them wide in the YouTube video
so everyone can see I don't care
I don't know it's ashamed
no no it's great I hope they're giving it to you
For free, I hope you're not buying this.
Are they ever going to create a pill that makes your dick bigger?
They really should.
Because we're getting a lot of hair growing.
Everything, science is really working.
They can, but it will be clear.
It grows longer, but it's also clear.
The extra part of it is clear.
Yeah.
I don't mind.
What side effect would you be willing to tolerate for a pill that made your dick bigger?
Like, what would be the line of like, if this thing had like a one in 50 chance of killing
you every time you take it. Would you still do it?
Yes.
Sorry, I'm only half paying attention because I'm...
That's a little high.
Yeah, sure.
A thousand?
One in a thousand.
Death is probably my line.
I would say like, maybe like I'd take creaky knees or, uh, restless legs or like sneezing
fits or something like that.
What if it made you bald?
And they're like, this is stronger than propitia.
So you're going to lose your hair, but you're going to lose your hair, but it's going to be
huge.
Like, like, perfectly girthy and like, pleasurable to, uh...
I mean,
Do I get a vote?
I mean, for the record, Marissa always tells me that she likes my penis.
I think the like obsession with penis size is manufactured by the media.
And I think it's a movie thing, movies written by boys from like the 1980s.
I don't think this is a real thing.
I've never after like a girlfriend goes out on a date that she's like, that she's like,
well, how big is this cat?
I mean that like never comes.
I mean, that does sound like a funny friend.
But, like, if that did happen, you'd want her to be able to say, like, oh, let's just say it's longer than a fucking Polish sausage or something like that.
You'd want to be that guy.
Yeah, sure.
I think it's also for, like, the sauna or the shower situation.
Because you sometimes see some guys who are like, you know, like, oh, this guy is saying.
You're willing to take a one in 50 chance of dying so that you have a long dangling hog in a sauna for other men.
Mitch is.
Yeah.
Weiger's like, what are you?
What's the downside?
I die?
Great.
Nothing but up.
Win, win.
Dude, a 1 in 50 shot.
What do you mean every time you take it?
So like you have to take it and then it grows and then when it passes through your system, it shrinks back down.
I think it's like propitia you have to take it every day.
Like it's like if you stop taking it, the dick goes back to its normal girth.
I have sent you guys like I have texted.
Why, so maybe you can look on your iPad.
Do you want us to, like, look at this to, like, have a reaction.
Are you getting this?
Is this like something you've been paid to take?
No.
You should, well, you shouldn't be paying for this.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, so this is the before and after?
Oh, my God, yeah, dude.
Whoa.
Wow.
Okay, so we get some progression here.
I guess we can, I don't know if we can see this on camera, maybe we can blow this up.
Is this your penis or your head?
Two.
That first picture looks like I got a, like, McCauley Cup can blow torsion.
the top of my head. It really does.
Or accidentally, Todd I turned it off.
Pretty good coverage there by the end, Mitch.
Well, that's not the last one.
The last one, that's the last one.
That's the last one that's today.
Look at that.
That's incredible.
I feel like it was just five years ago where people would just be like,
ah, nah, nothing works.
Rogaine doesn't actually work.
Right.
Yeah.
And now it's like this shit, that's amazing.
Yeah.
Congrats.
I was going to go to Turkey.
Well, I was going to maybe come to Turkey.
Turkish Airlines.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know that.
I do know that.
Turkish hair.
There's people who will record, like, they're like, if they went to Turkey on vacation, they happen to be flying back.
And there's been, like, you know, ladies who, like, film, like, everybody else who's on the plane.
And it's all these guys with this, like, big, bloody, stitched up incisions from where they've gotten their hair plugs.
Wow.
I was thinking about it.
Yeah.
Why got a turkey, though?
You're great.
Find it, like, you can find a doctor in Beverly Hills, I'm sure.
No reason.
Mitch.
Are you thinking about Turkish delight right now?
Lying the witch and the wardrobe.
This episode of doughboys is brought to you by Wild Grain.
Wild grain is the first bake-from-frozen subscription box for sourdough breads, artisanal pastries, and fresh pastas, plus all items conveniently bake in 25 minutes or less.
Wow.
Wow.
Unlike many store-bought options, Wildcrain uses simple ingredients you can pronounce and a slow fermentation process that is easier on your stomach and richer in nutrients and antioxidants.
There are no preservatives and no shortcuts, wags.
Plus, wild grains boxes are fully customizable.
In addition to their variety box, they offer a gluten-free box, a vegan box, and a new protein box.
You know, Mitch, you and I have both had and enjoyed wild grain.
It's true.
One thing to highlight, the warm sourdough bread, which is delightful.
Wig's, I love that warm sourdough bread, and you know what?
I love it in the winter months.
Get me a big loaf of sourdough bread.
Heat it up.
Get some butter on that bad boy.
I'm good to go.
Mitch, I like that sourdough myself.
and the delivery is so convenient and it bakes under 25 minutes.
You got hot bread ready to go.
I love it, Wags.
Perfect to add to a nice little dinner.
I love Wild Grain.
There's nothing like having an artisan bakery in your freezer to chase away the winter chill.
Now is the best time to stay in and enjoy comforting homemade meals with Wild Grain.
We highly recommend giving Wild Grain a try.
Right now, Wild Grain is offering our listeners $30 off your first box plus free croissants for life.
when you go to wildgrain.com slash doughboys to start your subscription today.
That's $30 off of your first box and free cuisants for life when you visit wildgrain.com
or you can use promo code doughboys at checkout.
This episode of doughboys is brought to you by booking.com.
Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the U.S.
So you can find exactly what you're booking for.
There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible to please.
Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleep light, rise early mom, or your high maintenance group chat, you can find exactly what you're booking for.
Mitch, we always like to stay in a place that has, you know, great on-site amenities and have good bathrooms.
Good bathrooms.
We like a place that has some good food nearby.
Ideally things.
Multiple toilets.
Multiple toilets, but also ideally things like a big kitchen.
or in a central location.
Or big old TV.
That's a wonderful thing too.
And hey, we can find our perfect stay on booking.com.
That means anyone can.
Find exactly what you're booking for.
Booking.com, booking.
Yeah.
Book today on the site or in the app.
Hey, Mitch, when you get that procedure done and all as well,
perhaps you can celebrate with an edible arrangement.
Why?
What a segue.
For Love Week.
Founded in East Haven, Connecticut in 1999 by two of Pakistan.
immigrants, Tariq Farid and Kamran Farid, their brothers, who had worked in IT, and part of their
logistics of edible arrangements, their infrastructure comes from their knowledge of that
side of the industry. It is primarily sculpted fruit and chocolate bouquets for special occasions.
We've never reviewed this place. We've never reviewed edible. Well, because it's like one of those
things is like, is this a chain restaurant? And it's certainly something that I would expect on brand to
cover. It counts. I think it does count. I think this is food that's available.
at scale, has a bunch of different franchise location.
And you've covered certainly smaller chains, which with a smaller reach than this.
This is like anybody's doorstep.
The whole world is your chain of edible arrangement.
Did it start because somebody accidentally ate a bouquet of flowers?
And they were like, oh, no, no, no, no, that's not food.
And they were like, but wait, what if it was?
I think 100% is why it started.
That would have really good.
Yeah, I don't know who it was who accidentally ate that bouquet of flowers.
but whoever that guy was.
Today I accidentally used a glass, like a jar that had been holding chocolate chips,
and I filled it up with water, and I drank it, and it was like chocolate water.
Wow.
I think there's something there's definitely something there.
She is always trying to inventing something.
Every day I have like nine to 15 inventions.
I'm telling you.
I can't think of a single one of them because they're also forgettable, but like she does attempt to do it.
Yeah, I'm just too tired to see any of them through.
I come from inventors.
I maybe mention this too before.
My mom invented the mocha and my dad invented the Walkman.
Very cool.
Yeah.
Yeah, edible arrangements.
Boy, just getting into it, an hour and 14.
And you guys have a long fucking podcast.
My kids are at home.
Where's Daddy?
Well, he's not even halfway through this thing.
What he'd be willing to do to get an extra inch of girt.
The girth would be clear, though, just to be...
The girth is clear.
The length is clear.
Mitch, you're tradeoff.
Like, you go completely cue ball bald.
You look like Michael Chickless, but your hog can be as big as you like.
And how big would you want it to be?
I feel like my wife would be, like, bummed that I had this big old hog.
She's like, I don't need that.
I preferred your hair.
Right.
Can I go back and forth if I get bigger?
No.
I lose hair.
No, it's a one way street.
All right.
That would be fun.
And if you stop taking the medicine, the part of you that was added gets like gray and calcified and like falls off in like disgusting flakes.
Right.
That's what's a body horror situation?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
How about this?
A pinky for a pinky.
A pinky a ding.
A dingy for a pinky?
A dinky for a pinky?
A dinky for a pinky.
You have to give one of your pinkies to have a big dinky.
You can add this much to your hog by losing your pinky.
Oh, yeah.
See you later.
I don't give a fuck.
I look like a Simpson.
It's a dream come true.
Yeah, I'm with you on that one.
I feel like you'll use a pinky more than you realize.
Certainly more than Mitch uses his fall.
Hey, you burnt.
I do think it'd be fun to go to the spa with you, though.
Me and Mitch just like dongs out, like dipping into the hot tub.
Like, what's up, big man?
I see.
I don't, I, you were ready to go to a Russian spa.
We almost went to a Russian spa.
in Chicago.
There's nothing worse than going to a spa with your big-dicked friend.
I can tell you that.
It happened to me.
My buddy Matt,
dead now.
What a waste of a big,
beautiful hoggy that was.
But he dropped trow and I was just like,
well,
shit.
This limp dick is so big.
Yeah,
that was,
that would be,
that would be,
I'm a bit of a never nude in that scenario.
I would not like,
you can keep your towel on.
Yeah,
I would definitely.
Not a Korean spa.
They frown on that shit.
Yeah.
Do they really see?
Yeah.
Are you talking like
We Spahn and stuff like that?
Shit.
I think in a Russian spa you'd be okay.
Yeah.
But, you know, I don't know.
And I haven't had the experience.
Yeah, Russian people are very nice from what I hear.
Not strict at all about their rules.
Have you all had edible arrangements in the past?
I mean, I certainly have.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
And there was a time where I had it like once as like maybe a teenager.
And in my mind, I was like, man, if I ever make it, like that's like this.
This is how you know you because it is so much more expensive than buying just fruit at the grocery store.
Right?
It's like, I guess similar to like grocery store flowers.
I mean, I'm sure you've done this.
Bought a bouquet for somebody online.
You're like, how does three Trader Joe's bundles somehow cost like $180 for a bouquet exactly the same situation with edible arrangement?
This is a rich man's fruit.
I honestly cannot believe that it is still working.
It's something that like you see it.
And like I'll eat a tasty piece of pineapple any day, you know, but it's like you see the picture and you're like, oh, good.
My mom doesn't really like flowers or my dad doesn't like flowers because that would be like, that's not macho.
So I'm going to send him some watermelon stuck to a stick, but it like looks really pretty.
And sometimes it spells out sorry.
You know, it sometimes does stuff like that.
I mean, you know, I've told you that my relationship with edible arrangements is I just think of my dad's death.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So look, if you're a hungry guy and your dad dies, you're going to get fed pretty well.
That is that, I mean, there's.
Your fruit consumption has never been higher.
Fresh fruit.
I mean, we got sent like, like my dad passed away in March, and it was still cold enough that we were, there was like six edible arrangements on our porch.
That's where they were.
An enclosed porch.
Wow.
Wow.
But I had a lot of fun eating some of that, eating some of that chocolate covered pineapple wise, which we had some of today.
Yeah.
But yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which we thought they'd taken it off of.
the menu, but it arrived in heart form, which was great.
Actually, it was not in heart form. It was in flower form. I'm sorry.
Some of it was hard. Some of it was flowers. The chocolate covered one was in flowers. You were correct.
Meals, how much was our, like, because there's a big markup here. How much do we spend on the edible
arrangements? 285. 285. And this wasn't just food, though. Yeah, this wasn't just food, but we got
one, two, three, four, we got five. There is this.
Got a little bear. We got a little teddy bear. So Mitch is holding the
This is the part of the Bobby's Lux truffle gift set, which comes with Bobby the Bear and a box of Astor brand assorted chocolates.
The cost for this, which is a bear and then a pretty petite box, a heart-shaped box of chocolate, was this $49?
That was $37.98. So you're spending a pretty penny.
Well, I hope that bear does my taxes.
It sure as hell ain't worth $49.
Did you just look to see if the bear had a hole in it?
I did look to see if the bear had a hole in it.
You didn't have to call me out on that.
Why are you trying to have everything?
First of all, how do you know that's what I was doing?
Second of all, you didn't have to calm me out on it.
As soon as we're saying like, man, that better, you're like, hmm, that better do something for me.
The bottom is it?
There was a butthole on a stuffed bear?
When has that ever happened in real life?
Have you ever, have funnels?
Have you ever customized a teddy bear to have like a flashlight inside?
I've never used a flashlight.
I think he has.
I haven't used a flashlight.
If I had, I would have said it.
but I haven't done it.
He has the original flashlight.
Okay, all right.
What I wouldn't do.
What I wouldn't do.
I wouldn't even need my wife.
I ain't going to a spa with wags.
You would have had a great time.
I would say, I mean, like, do you see small,
like you see like birds nests there, right?
No one's, I don't feel like guys are judging other guys even.
I don't think there's, like, I mean, sure that there's some machismo sort of
dudes who are thinking that their worth is tied to their hog size.
But I don't know.
I don't, I feel like most guys are meat gazing and sizing themselves up against each other.
I think if you sometimes see something pretty impressive.
Like a bundle of clear pubs?
Yeah, it sticks to your memory.
The man's knees.
I had a guy try to initiate a mutual masturbation situation.
Oh, this was in Vegas in the sauna.
Maybe more.
I have no idea how far.
He would have taken it.
Sick, fuck.
But, I mean, I guess it's not sick.
If you're just a man who met another man and want to jack off with him, that's perfectly fine.
I just wasn't.
It was funny, he, like, we were just chatting in the sauna in a Vegas spa.
And he started, we were, like, talking about politics.
And he was, like, a really big Donald Trump fan.
It was like, whatever the first time he was running.
And I was like, yeah, I think he sucks.
And then.
he started talking about, like, other guys who have, he's like, man, I had these friends back in college who would, like, they'd, like, jack off in front of each other and stuff.
Like, kind of like the conversation with.
But, like, I slowly sense it's like, boy, he's talking about jacking off a lot to me, a stranger.
Like, and I realized it because I'm quite intuitive that he's trying to like.
Let's yak and more cracking.
He's trying to gauge my interest.
Sure.
in that sort of thing.
And of course I was and I ended up having a lovely time.
Which sauna was this in Vegas?
I think the aria, does that sound right?
Yeah, we went to Momofuku, I think after we.
I think we were waiting for you on Momofuku and you came and you were like,
I almost jacked off this guy in the sauna.
I was this close.
My hand was trembling next to his.
Draw card member.
Maybe you did and you never have to tell me.
That's fine.
Yeah, maybe I did.
You'll never know.
I think every man should have a little, a little secret.
A little secret from his wife.
We've all got secrets.
Mama Fuku, by the way, deep fried a lobster with the shell on it.
Okay.
And it costs like $150.
We were eating and this very wealthy family member was buying for us.
So I wanted to get the most expensive thing.
How was that?
It was so.
Hard to eat.
It was like, wow.
How do you get to the meat?
What's the point of frying the thing that's not food?
And then you had to like break off the batter so that then you could crack the shell and get the meat.
Yeah, that does not make any sick.
It's like frying like a whole turtle.
Right.
It's like and then ripping off the shell and then eating that delicious turtle meat without any of the yummy crispy batter.
Yeah, very weird.
I did a lovely time the time I ate at the Vegas momofuku with Natalie and for the show John Gabris and a few other well-wishers.
But now you know you're going to hang out of that sauna, are you?
Yeah, I know.
But I did, like, I don't recall that many.
That seems like a misfire.
You a Vegas guy?
Kind of.
Yeah, I think so.
What's your game?
I don't really gamble.
I just like restaurants.
The last time I went to Vegas with Wags, we were on a party bus and he got car sick.
I did get car sick on the party bus.
And then also flew home early.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So you're kind of a Vegas guy.
Well, no, here's it. Look, we eloped. We got married in Vegas. So we have, so that history there. And I, you like to go. You like to go and eat in Vegas. We like to eat. There's a lot of great restaurants, not just on the strip, but in the surrounding environs. And then there's the places that local is frequent. If you, if you like to have a cocktail, there's some good, good spots to drink. It's just kind of fun to be a pig and shit for a little bit. And I really love the, love a nice pool. So we're at the pool. And sometimes, yeah, I'll be at the spa, jacking a guy off.
Was it Weiger?
It checks out.
Loves Trump.
Dying to crank off with friends like he hears happens but has never done.
Yeah.
Would be open to it.
We're going to say this.
Speaking of good food.
Yes.
Is edible arrangements good?
It might be good.
We were asking beforehand, is edible arrangements good?
I think it might be good.
Let's start with the Bobby's Lux Truffle gift set because this one is pretty simple.
and it's not even their own chocolates.
They're a store brand, a store brand, meaning astor,
whatever do you pronounce that, not a store brand.
Milk chocolate ganache, white chocolate passion fruit,
milk chocolate, hazelnut espresso, white chocolate milk chocolate,
cream, dark chocolate caramel and dark chocolate sea salt.
These were modest things that we bisected, that we uncarplutted.
I was the slicer.
I was slicing everything.
Mitch was doing some slicing.
He was doing a capable job.
But we were kind of having little fragments of all these.
They were fine.
They were whatever.
Sure. I don't think it was far off from what you'd get at like a Trader Joe's for like $7.99.
Sure.
Sure. I'm surprised that they're not making their own chocolates, that they're kind of outsourcing that.
Tucan Sam said it best, just fruit. That's their motto, I guess.
It feels like this.
Right, Tucan Sam said this?
Yeah.
Didn't he say follow your nose?
He said just fruit.
That's the same motto that they have an edible arrangements. They only do the fruit.
Did he say that, though?
I don't think he did.
Yes, he said it.
Okay.
Who do you think of Chukansam is?
In an on-released film.
Are you thinking of?
In an un-released film?
No.
I don't think he said it either.
Fruit loops.
This feels, I just kind of feel like this is, this is the one menu item where I felt a little bit ripped off where it's like this is, they're packaging a bear and a, like a cute bear, Bobby the bear and a, and some totally fine chocolates and they're charging $38 for it.
And there's nothing unique about this, whereas we go to the other things.
We got the Heartfelt Delights dessert box.
We got the Barry Loved arrangement, and we got the chocolate-dipped pineapple daisies box.
I loved all of these.
I thought everything here was a winner.
Oh, fantastic.
I was having a blast.
We were having a good time.
So the Hartfeld Delight's dessert box, you get two brownies, two cheesecakes.
We uncar pletted all these.
Four chocolate-drip strawberries wrapped in heart-shaped sugar sprinkles for Valentine's Day, which is a lot of fun.
We got the Barry-Love arrangements, which was strawberry.
chocolate-covered strawberries and large heart-shaped pineapple slices.
And then the pineapple daisy's box was the aforementioned flower-shaped hand-dipped chocolate-covered pineapples in gourmet, semi-sweet milk chocolate.
I thought that was great.
That was maybe my favorite, Mitch.
And that was a thing you were pushing for.
Yes.
The chocolate-covered pineapple.
Yeah, I loved it.
If you're going to pay an up charge for a premium product, knowing that it's hand-dipped is what you feel.
You feel like that's what makes it feel the truffles.
It's like, this is just.
came off of a mail truck. You know what I mean? I want to know somebody stuck a stick in the pineapple,
melted the chocolate, did a little dipping. And you also had a little thing you were stamping out
the fucking flowers with? That's a lot of fun. That's fun. A little cookie cutter? I had those when my dad
passed and I loved them. I wanted to fling him in his coffin. They were that good. They were that good.
I wanted to fling him in his coffin. Wow. That's cool. That says a lot. Yeah, I didn't throw a lot of trash in
my mom's coffin.
I just wanted to keep the whole area
is sort of sacred.
You know what I mean?
But that's cool.
Yeah, throw some junk food in there for him.
The pineapple was very,
very good. Juicy and sweet. And pineapple,
you guys know. Come on.
It can be inconsistent. Sometimes it's a little dry.
Not as sweet.
I don't think it's in season right now.
Pineapple also is an elixir that
changes some of your chemistry,
should we say. Do we have to talk
about cum?
because I will, but I'm just getting so weary.
Yes, it makes your cum sweet.
Is that true?
We don't know.
Well, you tell me, babe.
I don't think you have a lot of pineapple, do you?
I'll tell you tonight.
Eat some more of those flowers.
Dang.
I got to clock out early.
We got to go.
Is that why Mitch liked them at his dad's funeral?
Oh, dad, I wish you could taste it.
No.
No.
Can't be.
Can't be.
Oh, God.
I don't know.
No one was that, that, that's me.
You brought it up.
Hold on a second.
Tossinging in on your dad's.
No.
There was nothing.
There was nothing going.
I just liked the chocolate pineapple for me was during some grieving period.
Put a big old smile on my face.
I thought it was really yummy.
David, you, it seemed like it didn't quite fit your power.
Did I eat the same food as y'all guys?
That stuff sucked.
Wow.
Wow.
That stuff sucks.
You're a chocolate-covered fruit skeptic.
Yeah, it's a funny combination, isn't it?
Dark chocolate with cold, wet pineapple.
Hard dark chocolate with cold, wet pineapple.
It just doesn't hit right.
Oh, interesting.
It's very acidic, and then the dark chocolate has got a little bit of bitterness to it,
and then the textures just don't work right.
cold chocolate has never been a
God, I'm being quite negative, but like
I just thought it tasted like
what's the word?
Donkey crap.
You know, I'm not somebody who likes
orange and chocolate together. I think those.
Same. I like that. Twins.
You like that? I like those little
chocolates that are shaped like chocolates. Oh, those are fun.
And you crack it and then they have the little wedges with the little
lines on it. I like a chocolate oral. I guess it's the temperature.
I really don't like, I don't like, I like chocolate ice cream.
I love Rocky Road ice cream, but I don't like chocolate that is supposed to be
room temperature stuck in a freezer.
Like, like chocolate chip ice cream bothers me.
Because it's like the texture of hard, frozen, like chocolate chips or that sort of thing
bothers me.
It's like, it's like waxy sort of like crunch, crunch.
When you heat the chocolate chips up in a cookie and then it's like,
oh my God, that it turns into the most delicious thing.
It's kind of like drinking like cold coffee or something, not iced coffee.
It's just like something people do cold coffee.
It's just left out on the counter coffee.
You know, it's like, oh, if this is hot, it would be delicious.
But the temperature changed to me, it affects it a lot.
You should have put the pineapple in the microwave, see if you made it boiling hot.
See if you liked it.
I agree.
All your own logic, make it boiling hot.
Or got you a chocolate-covered orange, I guess, is what.
I'm not trying to be negative.
You guys ask me my opinion, and I'm telling you.
Well, you're pissing us off.
Yeah, I'm pissed off.
No, I think it's totally fair.
I get how this would be, especially you mentioned the acid.
I see how those things could be in conflict.
And depending on your palate, that is just in the same way y'all don't like the chocolate-covered oranges, which I think are...
You like those?
I do like them, yeah.
I like an orange chocolate.
I like an orange chocolate in Milano.
If you took, oh, me too.
If you took like an orange and then, like, dipped it in chocolate and put it in the freezer, I would hate that.
Right, sure.
For me, the texture combination and it's just, it's bad.
But let's talk about something that's not bad.
I think we all love the brownies and the cheesecake.
Yes, sir.
I thought those were all winners.
I had low-examination.
The brownie was my favorite.
Brownie was fucking great.
Those were really good.
Were those made, like, by them, or was that another, like, co-branded with something else?
This is their in-house stuff as far as I'm doing.
I'm not sure it's baked in store, but.
Delicious.
It's really hard to fuck up a brownie.
No offense.
We had a really bad brownie at Iowa.
And you love islands.
I do love islands.
Have you ever had their brownie ice cream Sunday?
I don't usually don't have a brown ice cream Sunday.
Yeah, me too.
Me too, a warm brownie with like, this is the menu.
It says warm brownie hot fudge ice cream.
Come on, baby.
Does it get any better than that?
Oh, baby.
Bad dry brownie, Hershey syrup with like a, it was just, it was not good.
And so that was, it's not a guarantee home run.
We're like, well, this is only $6.99?
This is a great deal.
Oh, I get it.
And we had just on a really good escape room.
Oh my God.
Was that Titanic?
Yeah.
Wow.
A Titanic escape room.
Really good Titanic themed escape room.
You have to go to like Century City for this experience.
But it was brand new.
It's pristine.
You're like shoveling.
You're shoveling coal.
There's light water.
Light water.
Light water.
There's sounds of water.
Was this a family activity?
No.
No.
It's just us with John Oster.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's fun.
That's a really fun one if you want to do an escape room.
But yeah, it's not a guarantee that like you can screw it.
That's true.
That's true.
I need to give.
edible arrangements props.
You come in here loaded against edible
arrangements, let's be honest.
Yeah, are you being paid off by Harry and David?
No, no.
Are you the David and Harry and David?
These claims are absurd.
I would, that's, you guys are absolutely crazy.
Are you out of your mind?
What?
Okay, I mean, it checks out.
I admit it.
I don't like Sherry's berries either.
I just don't like, I don't like.
Sherry's berries to me,
I mean, I think edible arrangements is the king of it.
They just got anointed the wand.
So if he's something sad, someone dies, someone graduates, you know, you got,
Tall John sent us for doing two Johns.
Two Johns don't make a right.
Yes, his podcast with John Daily.
That was, you got to get, you know, we, we try, we pay our guests, we have for a long time,
but it was a very nice gesture.
They got their guests, say, an edible arrangement.
That's really nice.
And guess what?
We were both excited when we got it.
I had a blast eating that edible arrangement.
And also it said, sorry.
That's what Tal John said.
That's a good bit.
It said sorry.
We should start apologizing to our guests afterwards.
We do.
I guess we do, actually.
We do all the time.
Yeah, I guess they stole that from us.
That's the memo and the Venmo when you, after you're on dough boys is just sorry.
No, it's a pain in the ass.
It's too long.
You had to eat a bunch of garbage.
Sorry.
Sorry.
So you admit it's garbage?
No, this was not garbage.
This was not garbage.
It kind of, look, we have, we have.
reference on car plot already.
I might as well go back to episode seven,
uh,
Force Awakens.
Uh,
it,
it,
it,
it, it,
it,
I,
I,
I,
I, I,
I,
I kind of,
what the fuck are you talking about.
I'll second that and I'll say,
one quarter portion.
Yeah,
it's too much.
Whoa.
Wow.
Wow.
I,
I'm being,
I'm being,
I'm being maybe a little too hardcore.
It's just you guys are so excited about this.
By the way,
it's not that good.
You ordered,
can we bring them out?
You ordered.
bouquet of flowers.
That's right.
Oh, you ordered a dozen, was it
a dozen roses?
It says it's a rose bouquet.
I think there is one rose in there.
So I ordered a dozen roses,
and when I got there, the lady was
like, who is wonderful, by the way,
but she was like, these are the only
flowers I have. And I was like, okay,
I'll take them.
So there's one rose.
So it's one of those flowers.
Pinsor, do you grab those flowers.
We should do a sniff or whiff on these
on the flowers.
Can we?
Yeah, I thought, I'll grab them.
Sniffer with.
It's in a full base, so it's full of water.
Okay.
What's it?
So is it a storefront?
Can you go in and buy like two chocolate covered strawberries?
Yes.
Kind of like a dunk and donuts.
Like are they there?
You can buy them individually.
That's cool.
Well, I don't know, actually, if they sell them individually.
That would be fun.
Would you like me to arrange it for you or?
No, just pour it right in my god.
Our, Emma is walking a vase of these flowers what was, what was advertised as a bouquet
of roses and is very much not roses.
If you were really trying to like apologize to your wife,
and make a big, and she was the type of woman who maybe cared about the specificity of the dozen roses.
Right.
I don't, I don't know.
Have you ever, have you ever been in a dog house so bad with Natalie that you had to apologize
with flowers?
She doesn't like flowers, which is interesting because I've got, I like flowers.
I've gotten her flowers as like, hey, here's a thing, but I think she's always like, why did you do this?
So when, when, when, when she's in the dog house with you, she gets you.
She'll get me flowers.
No, she wouldn't do that.
Are there, are there, are there, are there, are there flowers like this in the world?
I don't know. What is this blue flower?
That just looks so trashy to me.
There's a white version of the flower in there that I think is its natural color,
and they put it in water with an intense amount of, like, food dye or something.
Yeah, and it drinks it.
Yeah, as the flower drinks the water, it turns the color.
It sucks.
You can create these, like, crazy flowers, but it does suck.
It's, like, super unnatural.
And, like, I like fresh flowers in my house because I like fresh flowers.
Yeah.
That does not seem like a fresh flower.
It seems like something like, are you high as hell?
What was going on, man?
Is he checking the vase for a hole?
No, I'm not checking the vase for a hole.
Jeez, Louise.
If you crunch these pedals off, you could really rub one out.
Which do you go sniff or whiff?
Oh, my God.
I got to tell you, this is a sniff.
Wow, big time sniff.
I think the rose is the best smelling one.
I mean, it should be.
Yeah, carnation in there.
Carnations get a bad rap.
I think carnations are fine.
Sniff or whiff?
Hey, that's a sniff.
That smells real good.
It's like, I don't know, whose idea was this?
What this?
The artificial colors.
It's like a weird leprechaun.
I was like, I love rainbows.
I want to see them everywhere.
Well, the thing with flowers do is that they're natural
and that it looks very unnatural.
It looks fake like you're saying, but they are real flower.
I'm going to spill this entire vase.
Hold on.
Wow, you're going to spill a vase of flowers.
I think you should set this on the table.
Yeah.
Amelia, is this going to disrupt the table?
Jesus.
Is this messing up any
eyelines?
Can we still see Marissa?
I would move it
a little bit closer to David.
That way?
Yeah.
How's that?
Split between?
Perfect.
Nice.
Good.
That's pretty.
All right.
Did you get a chance to smell?
No, I forgot.
Please.
Get your nose in that rose.
They probably squirt
like fake flower smell on them.
It's like Estée lauder.
I'd give it a slight sniff.
Part of the issue with a scale is that sniff and whiff are both,
like, they both can refer to smelling.
Can I ask you something?
Everyone hear, comedy people, do you like a real flower that smells nice or do you like the flower where that shoots water out of it?
That's pretty funny.
Yeah, that's pretty funny.
I don't love the fake flower because I just like, I want to smell a flower.
You found victim to it too many times.
Yeah, I know.
It's like, all right, what are you doing?
Why are you prank in me?
Yeah, I like the fake flower is kind of funny.
I think it's funny.
Do you prefer a handshake or like an electric handshake?
I think I prefer an electric handshake.
I think that's really fun.
Like, if I want to shake someone's handshake and they buzzed me, I think that's very funny.
That is funny.
What about like a real dog tur?
or like a fake dog turn? I would much rather a fake dog turn. I would much rather a fake dog turn.
This is across the board stuff. I'm a joke shop boy. What about like sitting on a normal chair versus sitting on a whoopee cushion?
This one is tougher because I would be very self-conscious if I sat on a whoopie cushion.
And your big guy, everyone's going to think you farted. Yeah, but then I can be like,
whoopi cushion, you know what I mean? That's kind of fun to reveal. And then that's fun if you also farted.
Yeah, yeah, it's also a good excuse.
Have you thought about just having a whoopie cushion deflated in your back pocket at all times?
All right, who did this?
Empty room, nobody there.
It's because I'm a man who when I sit down, I farts.
Yeah.
All right, who did this and also put this broccoli back here as well?
Thank you.
Somebody's a jokester.
You're a chocolate-covered fruit skeptic in general.
You can't have strawberries right now because of your upcoming procedure.
I think the chocolate-covered strawberries were all right.
I'd rather have just like a regular strawberry.
You know what's funny? I thought the thing that was the worst thing about today was that I thought the quality of the actual strawberries was not great.
I thought the pineapples were good.
I thought the strawberries themselves.
We're fine.
It's winter.
It's winter.
It's out of season.
They have an excuse.
They have an excuse.
They're not just going to shut down.
They're like, we still got them.
And they're delicious.
And they're not going to replace them with chocolate covered oranges.
They better not.
You're freaks.
Nobody's asking them to if you recall.
Run back the tape.
Okay, Mitch, I don't like what you're insinuating here.
But I like, imagine, okay, you're in some sort of situation where someone is offering this as either congratulations or as an active of goodwill for, you know, as an act of sympathy.
Are you happy if you get the heartfelt delights dessert box?
I think I'm pretty happy.
I think I'm pretty happy getting two brownies, two cheesecakes and four chocolate dipped strawberries.
I think I'm going to that and being like, hey, you know what?
I'm having a good time.
I think it's sweet that someone did that.
I don't want to be.
I'm not just like a grumpy man.
Like, like, whenever my parents send me sherry's berries, I'm like, oh, they, they thought
of me.
They wanted to send something sweet to me.
It's like a universally enjoyed thing.
Yeah.
I'm going to, I'll eat one and I'll be like, that's pretty yummy.
Yeah.
Thanks, Mommy.
I love you.
It's not like, it's good to, like, if you have, like, an office or a group of people,
you know, maybe after a funeral short.
Like, because it's, it's very easy to kind of share, to grab a berry here and there.
Yes.
The Epstein files are released.
Maybe your name's not in them.
Yeah, someone sends you an edible arrangement saying congratulations.
Invite your eight best pervert friends over to celebrate not being in the episode.
Not in this batch, though.
Right, right.
More batches could come.
Mm, shit.
In the meantime, enjoy your berries.
They haven't released half the files.
Half the stuff is still in there.
Three million.
It came out.
Yeah, but there's still like three million more.
And then also the vast majority of the actual data in terms of like terabytes.
Yeah.
is still like under lock and key,
which means there's a bunch of video out there
that just, you know, we'll never see the lie today.
I searched Pepto in the Epstein files.
Boy, that man had a lot of tummy aches.
There you go.
Pepto came up big time?
Pepto came up a lot.
A lot of like make sure we have Pepto.
I was up all night on the toilet.
Bring me Pepto.
What was his diet?
Oh, I almost feel bad for him now.
Do you feel like a kinship with them?
Yeah.
Pepto brothers?
I think it may have been the fault of his personal chef,
Adam Perry Lang.
Oh, okay.
The new celebrity chef.
There you go.
Do we search dough boys in there yet or no?
I don't think Doe Boys showed up in the Epstein files.
What if there was just a, you searched Joe Boys and there was an email for tickets to a live show?
For me offering to comp him.
Like J.K. Rowling did for the fucking Harry Potter.
A little St. James ticket.
But you're Elon Musk begging to go on the night of the wildest party.
When's the wildest party?
Wager wants to be there.
Our world is so much more depraved than in my most cynical mind, I think, I expect it to be.
Clear pubs are nothing compared to what the world really is.
It's really fucking, really fucking rotten.
Anyway, I like...
Rotten.com is now our world.
Here's a question.
Well said, Mitch.
Here's a question.
You get the Barry Loved arrangement.
You got three large heart-shaped pineapple slices.
You're maybe like, the office is sharing it.
do you take a whole pineapple heart
or is that the sort of thing
you're taken off
and you're putting on a plate
and you're like bisecting
with a little plastic knife
because I feel like there's
like it's a bold move
What the fuck are you asking?
How many people are three?
How many employees do we have?
Let's say it's like for your department
there's like 12 people
and there's enough for everybody
but not everyone's going to get a pineapple
slice because there's only three of them.
There's only three.
I think you hold up you go,
anybody like pineapple?
Yes.
That's the move.
And then that way
because no one's going to pipe up.
Right, right.
People are always going to be like, I do share it.
I mean, I did do this, and I did take one of the pineapple hearts.
They took one of the pineapples.
I don't know if anyone else had a pineapple heart, did they?
I had the pineapples covered in chocolate because this is the thing.
Like, part of the fun is eating it off of the stick.
So, like, you're sullying it by taking knife and chopping it up in little bits.
It's like I might as well be eating pineapple pre-cut from the grocery store.
I want to be eating it heart-shaped on a stick like a lolly.
The stick is fun.
I got some news for everybody.
I might be making some chocolate-covered chocolate-covered pineapples in a few minutes if you catch my drift.
Why don't we get to our forks?
Okay, speed it in.
Get some pepto.
The Epstein special.
Let's get our final thoughts on edible arrangements.
You're both veterans a podcast, but just a refresher.
We'll each go around.
Give our closing argument, if you will, and give it a score from 0 to 5 forks.
Marissa Pinson, ceded to my right.
Pin Pals.
Hashtag PIN pows.
Your thoughts, your fork score for edible arrangements.
Listen, as far as something that you're going to send to a friend to cheer them up, to celebrate, to mourn, brighten their day, I think this, I can't think of a better alternative.
It's not like, oh, yeah, you could get an edible arrangement or you could get them this other.
There, nothing else exists.
That's even in the same league.
I'm not going to say five forks because that feels like demented to say five about like pineapple.
But I'm going to say four forks.
And I'm going to, I'm going to include the flour, the flower.
or a snafu in there.
So it's a generous four,
but I think they're dominating the game.
I think they do what they do.
It's very simple.
They're not getting cute.
They're not doing like an Iron Man buy edible arrangements,
collab or diluting the brand with any weird little schemes.
I think they're very straightforward.
They do what they do.
They do it well.
And it's a very solid, solid gift.
It would be fun to have the Hulk say,
sorry about your dad or whatever if there was a nice little,
of a collaboration there.
Kiwi, whatever.
No, I don't want that.
I don't want that.
Don't tarnish it.
Yeah, they haven't really.
I mean, like some of this stuff that we got today,
but like mostly just the fruit and chocolate-covered fruit,
they've kind of gone by the same old thing.
It's an edible arrangement.
Keep it simple.
David Neer, hashtag Catfish Navy, your thoughts your fork sort.
Hey, Catfish Navy, what's up?
You guys remember I killed all those frogs whenever I was 13,
and I felt really bad about it.
So I kind of am of two minds here.
I feel like do I kill this frog that's sitting before me?
This edible arrangement.
I mean, it's maybe not the right thing to do, but it's how I feel.
Do you think you'll go to hell for that?
I don't know.
I guess it would be cool to see your dad.
Is going to hell based on...
Sorry, that was a callback.
It was a call back.
I said your dad went to hell.
Is going to hell based on souls?
Like, can you kill?
Because then, like, a person is one soul versus, like, 70 frogs.
No, I've thought about this because I'm like, you're getting yourself an order of popcorn shrimp.
You're inhaling, like, 12 to 16 souls, you know what I mean?
That's pretty bad.
Versus like, is that worse than eating one man?
Than eating one man?
Or is that worse than eating, like, one-60th of a cow in burger form?
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
I don't know.
We ascribe certain weights to certain animals, obviously.
So that's part of it.
Those frogs didn't know what hit them, man.
You ate them, right?
They were right on the shoreline.
I did try to eat them.
Mima fried them up.
And they tasted like dirt.
Wow.
Tasted like dirt.
What would you rather eat those frog legs or an edible arrangement?
A $250 edible arrangement.
Yeah.
Or muddy frog legs in an Oklahoma pond.
So, you know, I know the whole thing about dough boys is like, for what it is, like, for what it is, like,
Did they do their job?
Are you talking about doughboys or what our idea of the restaurant is?
No, like that...
But the dog boys, the answer is no.
No, like, you guys kind of like try to give, like, restaurants the benefit of the doubt.
Like, you're trying to serve, like, the value.
Is there value in this product?
No.
Oh, right?
Like, like, for what it is where it's like, oh, just like any old Joe Schmo could send a $69, like,
eight strawberries to his mom.
It's like, dang, that's a lot of money for,
what is that?
Oh, $6 worth of food.
You know, it just doesn't...
You're saying this as like a man of the people
representing the working class.
It doesn't really check the value box.
And then the flavor on a personal note,
I didn't enjoy that either.
So if I'm saying like,
oh, I can see how people would enjoy this.
Like I can definitely see that.
I did not personally.
But remember the cheesecake and the brownie bites.
Those were good.
I did like the cheesecake.
So just order that.
Yeah, that's true.
The cheesecake was...
Nobody's going to hold you down and make you eat chocolate-covered pineapple.
But the cheesecake was kind of like a thawed-out, like, Susie Lee.
You're like a-a-teamperature queen.
I think you're a temperature queen.
I think that's like what this all comes down to.
Because imagine that the strawberries are room temperature.
They've been sitting out.
Imagine they're no longer have a chill.
Okay.
I could actually, you know what, I can take, yes, I have done that before and it does taste better to me.
The chocolate softens a little bit.
Okay, okay, you guys really want me to give this thing a high rating.
I want you to, I have no personal stake in this.
I want you to say your truth.
Just like what I think about it.
What do you think of it?
Yeah, what's your assessment?
I think it would really be a lot better if someone did like a little song for me when they delivered it.
That would like put it over the edge.
That feels very like saved by the bell.
I don't think that's like a real thing that happens.
That like somebody delivers something and like does a song.
But that's what it needs.
It needs to like josh it up or or like put it in like a cool container where it like, I don't know, like shoots firecrackers at you.
But it is a cool container.
It's a bouquet of fruit flowers.
It's just not enough for me right now.
And for that reason I'm going to have to give it one and a half.
Oh my gosh.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
You guys could tell I didn't like it.
One and a half is like it had like bugs in it.
It had a long, clear pub on it.
I could have.
I mean, to be clear, one and a half does not mean it had bugs in it.
I've heard your ratings before.
There were no bugs in the edible arrangement.
Have we ever had bugs in our food?
I remember one time, no, I don't think it was part of the meal, but I remember I had a bug in a restaurant I love.
I won't say where it was.
I'd have been in a salad at the airport, but that wasn't for the, I'm sorry about that.
That was my bad.
Jimmy Fallon had literally just fallen out the window.
That's fair.
Mitch, you are forkscore.
Well, look, I think edible arrangements does a good job at what it's trying to do.
Thank you.
Which is cheer a fat 20-something up after his dad passed and he's going out into the porch and eating some chocolate pineapple.
And I think it does, you know, it's a way to, you can't send a bunch of flowers and it found this little loophole.
Maybe it's a little too expensive.
I agree with that.
But We were happy when we received them.
I mean, like when you get a nice little pick-me-up, some fresh fruit, it's good to have.
I think what they're trying to do, they do a good job at it.
I'm going four, I think, four forks.
All right.
There we go.
And I love those chocolate pineapples.
I love them.
I'm going to give my thoughts on edible arrangements.
But first, Amelia Marino, meals, you're a huge fan of heated rivalry.
You were not here for the bulk of our episode.
with Becky Feldman.
And in fact, when we got to our ending and we all gave our assessment of what airline class this pilot belonged in, you were not able to participate.
You were picking up the edible arrangements.
Can you give us to your thoughts on heated rivalry real quick?
It's the horniest and best show that there is.
Yeah.
I would give it a first class, like the reclining seat ticket.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
You were talking Delta 1.
Yeah.
The light flat seat.
Wow.
How about that?
You can make it a pilot, too.
Is that better?
The pilot's pretty nice.
He controls a plane.
Yeah, I'd rather be in first class than flying the fucking plane.
You want to be working?
200 people's lives, your responsibility?
Yeah, I could do it.
Wow.
But you also, you know what?
When you're the pilot, they block off that bathroom for you with the little roller thing.
You know what I'm saying?
The beverage cart, they put the get beverage cart there and then you can go and use
the bathroom all on your own.
It doesn't count as the mile high club if it's just you.
That's not why I want the room to myself.
The plane is descending and the pipe.
Islet is cranking.
I think, I got to say this,
bathrooms need to be bigger on a plane.
I'm always hitting my head in there.
This is stand up from 1990.
But it's the truth.
I mean, you're not making a joke about it.
I'm always hitting my head in there.
It's a place, you know, it's a place where I most strongly advocate for the sit-down
pee if you're a hog-haver because it's just like you're going to lose your balance.
You want 100%.
Because, like, first of all, Mitch, you're a tall drink of water.
You might, like, low overhang.
and then, you know, it's just, you might be unsteady.
You get to relax for a second.
Just treat you something.
You're sitting the entire flight.
Yeah, but I got up to stretch my legs.
I don't want to sit down in an airplane bathroom.
Yeah, you look down at that like piece of toilet paper stuck to the side.
There's always one stuck to the side.
Or like a poo smear even worse.
You're like, I'll stand up here and try to shoot all that off.
Yes, I do that.
You try to clean the poof smear?
I try to, as a guy, there is.
is a duty as a as a as a hog haver as you call it it is your duty if you're in a bathroom that
has a little piece of toilet pick or so you shoot that thing off look it's contextual especially if you have a
stronger i can't believe but you have no idea about this but if there is anything on the line on
the inside of a toilet you aim for that if it's like a dried on like little piece of turd
or whatever it's like i'm i now have like for me 60 seconds well with your weak stream
exactly it takes me so long to pee but it's just like i'm just going to focus all my pee on that
And hopefully I'll moisten it up and then it'll let go.
Yeah.
This is a real guy thing.
It's very true.
I have heard of this before.
Yeah.
Wow.
Do you read about it?
How did you hear about it?
No, just like guy friends will tell me.
It's true.
We do do this.
And it is a public service that we do.
Right.
That's cool.
You know, everybody does their part in different ways.
It's like, oh, you don't have to clean that.
No, no, I got it.
Just give me a glass of water.
I'll take care of this for you.
The sit down piece is contextual.
If it's a filthy bathroom, yes, I'm not going to sit down.
But in most situations, airport lavatory, this is fine.
Are you peeing in the sink?
Is that why you think it's, like, so hard to make it in the way?
No, I don't know, I feel like it's more comfortable.
You're sitting in the sink?
I'm not sitting in the sink.
What a fucking animal.
It's a tiny sink.
They got a bidet here, huh?
Edible arrangements, I think, succeeds at being edible arrangements.
It is very specific.
It does one thing and it does it capably.
Amen.
There are certain contexts where I'd want an edible arrangement.
Every time I've had one, I've had a good time, including today, with my friends and my colleagues.
Look, I don't want to eat it for lunch every day.
I don't want to eat it for lunch every day.
You do.
That's what you said.
I do get an edible arrangement delivered to my house every day and it spells out lunch, and I do eat it every day.
Sure, yeah.
It'd be weird to eat alone, an edible arrangement alone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's what mine was based on.
That's what my one and a half forks when now I'm just good.
You guys love it so much.
Party. You're having a good time.
I don't even love it.
I just think edible arrangements is good at being edible arrangements.
And for that reason, I don't see an argument about being in the handholding club with Marissa and with Mitch.
And I'm going to say four forks as well.
So there you go.
Wow.
You know why he's all pissed off?
Well, first of all, he's a temperature queen.
He can't have seeds because of his colonoscopy.
Oh, wow.
So he's jealous and he's hating on.
on us because we're sucking down those strawberry seeds.
I know there's a quote that's perfect for this moment.
It's like if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off to?
That's what I'm being forced with.
It's like sometimes doing the honorable thing, being honest, being real, it takes courage
in the face of slings and arrows, would it, whether it is more noble in the eyes to, I don't know
the full, you know, Hamlet monologue, clearly.
But I do feel this way, and I'm sorry if I'm coming off negative and pissing on anybody's
pineapples, but it is how I felt.
I did it with no joy.
It's love with.
No, I love that you were honest.
Thank you guys.
I loved being here.
I loved, honestly, I loved a couple of the bites.
Like, I said, I liked a couple of them.
I'm with Pinson.
I think it's the seed thing.
I think it's a seed thing.
I think he loves his colonoscopy doctor who put the fear in God of him of him accidentally eating a seed or a fruit skin.
Also, by the way, the colonoscopy is four days away, isn't it?
Yes.
What the hell?
Also, his doctor is hot, he said.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a good looking guy.
Wait, is there a colonelope next?
When is it?
It's Friday.
It's three days from now.
You got a McDreamy?
I got, he is so smart.
Wow.
And so attentive and so handsome.
I'm just like, this dude, he's got money.
clearly.
Yeah.
His office is all nice and clean.
He's just like charming as hell.
I'm like,
looking forward to Friday, buddy.
When he comes in just to like tell you about like the procedure,
are you going to be like naked bent over on the table?
Like ready when you are,
Doc?
Caught me with my butthole already.
Is he married?
Yeah, he's got kids.
I don't know if they're still married.
I actually didn't check his ring.
I wasn't actually trying to marry him.
You could pull a heated rivalry with your,
that's like what you were saying,
like a taboo kind of situation.
Oh my God.
Yeah, that would be cool.
Yeah.
Mitch goes to check your butt hole is like, hmm, I feel a spark.
Also, if I could get my hands on that gray drink, I'd be, I'd be consistent.
That gray goop that you drink keeps, it really, it really clears you out.
I've heard this.
I got to do one at some point.
I can't believe you haven't done one.
We have an extra one because we accidentally like fulfilled the prescription.
Do you want like me to like give dropped out of your house?
I would love to take the gray goop, if everyone at mine.
Because I'm saying you're feeling a little back.
Stop.
Treat yourself to a little colonoscopy prep.
You've never had one?
You were way past the age to get one.
Way past the age?
45 is the age.
I'm exactly 45.
Yeah.
So then I got to do one this year.
You got to get one.
Yeah.
I just turn 40.
Are you excited?
Yeah, a little bit.
I don't know.
I like knowing what my insides are like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This doctor's cool, too.
He, instead of like, counting down from 10 when they give you the
Propofal, he counts down from 69, which is hell yeah.
He's like, a lot of people don't even make it to 68.
But I know.
He's hot, so now you see, yeah, he's a really frisky dog.
Yeah.
He sounds cool as hell, except he gets you prepared for your call.
I'm being far too early.
I agree.
All right, it's time for a segment.
Not in the Golden Play Club, close, but not in the Golden Play Club, but hey, you know what?
Sorry, guys, had to speak my truth.
You know what?
It was very edible, we all agree.
We're going to, we're going to take a brief break while we prep for this next segment.
We're right back with more doughboys.
Hey, buddy, if you want meals that end in purrs, not puke, it might be time for an upgrade with smalls.
This podcast is sponsored by Smalls.
After my cats rejected Kibble for the 100th time, I realized something had to change.
Smalls fresh cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free, 100% human-grade ingredients you'd find in your fridge.
And it's delivered right to your door.
That's why Cats.com named Smalls, their best overall cat food.
For a limited time, get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping when you had to smalls.com slash doughboys.
Starting with Smalls is easy.
Just share info about your cat's diet, health, and food preferences.
Then Smalls puts together a personalized meal plan for your cat.
No more picking between random brands at the store.
Smalls has the right food to satisfy any cat's cravings.
After switching to Smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements.
That's a big deal.
And the team at Smalls is so confident your cat will love their product that you can try it risk-free.
That means they will refund you if your cat won't eat their foodwags.
Still, not a believer in Smalls, Forbes ranked Smalls, the best overall cat food,
while BuzzFeed said, my cats went completely ballistic for this stuff.
And Wags, I should know.
Yes.
Because I have two little angels at home, Wally and Irma, and they go nutty for Smalls.
And you know what?
Their coats look nice.
They're looking dapper.
They look great.
They're happy.
They're healthy.
They love Smalls.
I feel like I should get some smalls for myself and prove my own coat.
Wiggs, well, you could share a table with Wally and Irma.
It would be in my honor.
So stop guessing which meals will upset their stomach.
For a limited time, because you are a doughboys listener,
get 60% off your first order plus free shipping
when you head to smalls.com slash doughboys.
One last time, that's 60% off your first order
plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash doughboys.
Do it.
Wags, you know what I like about the winter months?
What's that?
I can stay inside, cuddled up,
on my Helix mattress with Wally and Irma.
I don't got to worry about going outside and facing the cold.
Yeah.
I can be comfy in my cloudy little bed and heat up right there with my two angel cats.
Here's the thing.
In sunny SoCal, very often, it can be quite temperate in the winter months.
We don't have seasons the way a lot of the rest of the world does.
But just wintertime has a different vibe.
The sun's going down earlier.
You're just eager to stay inside regardless.
And it's even more fun if you're lying there on a helix mattress.
That's right, Wig.
Helix helps you sleep better.
A study that they ran found that 82% of those involved in the study saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle while sleeping on a Helix mattress.
Wow.
The Helix Sleep Quiz matches you with the perfect mattress based on your personal preferences and sleep needs.
Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the United States.
Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges thanks to the Happy With Helix guarantee.
Try it out with 100.
20-night sleep trial in limited lifetime warranty. Wow. Wags, you know, I've had my
Helix mattress for almost eight years now. I had it for a long time. It's almost time for
new Helix for me. You've gotten some good sleeps out of that bad boy. I certainly, that thing
has seen quite a few sleeps. I got the Moonlight Lux. I love it, Wig's improved my sleep so much.
My sleep, as you know, in general, has improved over the course of Doe Boys. Very much so.
I love my Helix mattress. Walling Irma love my helix mattress. Anyone who sleep,
on my Helix mattress loves my Helix mattress.
Wow.
Go to Helixleep.com slash doughboys for 27% off sitewide, exclusive for listeners of Do Boys.
That's Helixleep.com slash doboys for 27% off site wide.
Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you.
Helix sleep.com slash doughboys.
Night night, buddy.
Why are you standing at my bed?
Just watching.
Okay.
we're back.
It's time for a segment here for Love Week.
It's the return of the Chulie Wed game.
Amelia?
Hey, to them.
Creve recorded from Silver Lake.
It's the Chulie Wed game.
I'm your host, Amelia Marino,
and now let's meet our contestants for today.
Couple number one.
Friends for 17 years and married for 13,
we have Marissa and David.
Hi.
Hey, so happy to be here.
10 years. Congratulations. Thank you.
And couple number two, friends for 20 years and co-hosts on a podcast for 11th.
We have.
Jesus.
We're in the 11th year. It's only been, it's been 10 years.
Okay.
Yeah. But I just, I would clarify. We haven't been doing the podcast for 11th.
Because that would be, like, pathetic.
That would be pathetic.
Sure.
And we should have ended it. It should be over.
It should be over.
But it's whatever. We have a, we, we know, it was worth of being pedantic to Amelia.
He was doing the fucking game show.
I hate fucking Love Week.
Why don't you back off?
You should back off.
I'm backing up.
You're yelling at our employee.
Did you think that was a criticism?
I didn't take any offense.
Oh, shut up.
Because I love flags, and I know that he doesn't mean anything by that.
Oh, you fucking kiss ass.
Chewley Weds might be in for a surprise when they find out how much they do or do not know each other.
Wow.
Oh, that's good.
Why don't we fight every love week?
It breaks my heart.
Yeah.
Okay, for the rules.
How much worse than David doe each other?
I love that. That's funny.
Oh, who's giving notes now?
Whatever. I agree with you. The copy's bad.
Okay, go on.
For the rules, I'm going to ask a round of questions about your partner.
And it's important that you answer the question as you predict your partner will answer that same question.
So, for example, if I ask Mitch and Marissa, what's your partner's favorite piece of topping, you'll write down on your whiteboard.
what you think Nick and David's favorite
great got it got it is that one of the
questions no that's just an example
Mitch's favorite pizza topping nothing
you like a cheese pizza that's correct wise
you would have gotten that right yeah what's mine
pepperoni nah mushrooms oh
why do you know what I was said for you
veggies I would have said
I might even credit for veggies but honestly
I like a cheese pizza as well
but I'm not as strong I'm not as stringent about it I like
any type of pizza we talked about that when we did
Costco pizza. I said no toppings have made a pizza better. I agree. It's a great base.
Am I feeling sparks with Mitch?
2006 rewind. That's not what you think, dude. The winners will win a secret surprise.
Okay. And also they must use it. Okay. Deal. I agree. I don't even need to know. I'm in 100%.
All right, so we're going to do this without anyone leaving the room.
So try not to communicate with your partner.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm not going to cheat.
Round one.
This question is for Mitch and Marissa.
What is your partner's ideal ice cream order?
Now for Nick and David, write on your whiteboards what your ideal ice cream order is.
Oh, we're not writing?
No, you're writing what you think Nick's ideal ice cream order is.
Nick is writing what his ideal ice cream order is.
can you clarify. Can you clarify, do you mean a flavor? Do you mean flavor plus toppings?
Include the flavor and the toppings. Okay. And the mode.
Yeah. Bull cone. Milkshake, I guess. Soft serve. I don't know. Sure.
Okay. Are you writing it too or just me? We both are. We're going to reveal it, right?
Yeah. So Marissa, you're writing what David's... What his favorite is. Yes. Okay.
And he's writing what his favorite is also.
Yes, and we're going to see a big match.
I'm locked in.
Okay.
All right, Wig's locked in.
I'm locked in.
I too am locked in.
Let's play the game.
All right.
Let's reveal Mitch and Wig's first.
Do you want me to reveal it?
Yeah, at the same time.
Oh, we reveal it at the same time?
Two, one.
Vanilla scoop.
Oh, I put vanilla cone.
Vanilla scoop, optional waffle cone.
Wow.
Wow.
And I put it's a flavor.
Vanilla is a flavor.
Wow, there we go, Mitch.
Cute drawings, too.
Okay, that's one point.
Thank you.
This has been on here since Munch Madness.
I can keep score.
Good job, Mitchie.
You two, Wags.
You know what?
I was just honest.
Wags, I'm feeling a spark with you.
Okay.
And David, I'm feeling a spark with you.
I'm feeling that spark.
Love Week is looking out.
Four way.
Wait a minute.
What the fuck?
Three.
Two, one.
Reveal.
Scoop of Rocky Road in Cone, sometimes cup.
Or vanilla if he is thirsty or brownie Sunday if he's hungry.
Yes.
I think they get it.
I get it.
They get it.
They get a point.
She's definitely right.
I forgot about the vanilla if I'm thirsty.
Vanilla if you're thirsty.
Can you clarify what thirst has to do with?
Well, we found ourselves like out and about, I guess, on a couple of occasions.
Maybe you're like visiting another town on like a little like.
weekend getaway and you want to go into an ice cream shop and he's always so freaking thirsty
that he goes into an ice cream shop and he's like he's like ordering as like a thirsty man it's like
what's the best ice cream flavor for a thirsty guy and i i just feel like vanilla ice cream is the
most like water and so that's where that came from i can kind of see that yeah i don't think
technically it's gonna quench your thirst but it is milk so kind of sure sure yeah it would be nice
if there was a nice little watery ice cream that you could get.
Yeah.
They should make a water flavor.
I think that's ice.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.
I think it is ice.
I think in my regular life, I drink like eight cups of water, like what you're supposed to.
And so then when I'm out on a vacationer in the world, it's like, where's all the water
around here?
I've only had one glass.
You ever thought about getting yourself like a Yeti, like some sort of thing you can
carry around?
That would be such an obvious fix.
I didn't used to do it, but now I'll carry a waterball.
I'm a little waterball.
How many of those you drink a day?
Uh, I mean, well, this, I'm not, this is not my sole drinking apparatus.
Sure.
But if I have this, that's not your sole drinking apparatus?
No, I'll get at home.
I'll use like a glass.
But I, I, I'll take down a couple of these.
Some of I'm on the road.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, two or three.
I don't know.
It depends.
Nice pale yellow urine.
My urine color is like Mitch's pews.
Or Mitchellie colored?
And also you put a coozy on the bottom of it to keep it even colder, I guess.
That's right, yeah.
All right, yeah.
All right we go.
Next question.
Okay, next question is for Nick and David.
What snack would your partner be most upset to learn someone ate?
Oh.
Hmm.
So Mitch and Marissa, you're going to write on your boards.
What snack would you be most upset to learn?
What snack of yours to learn someone ate?
Got it.
Locked in.
Mitch would be most disappointed that someone else ate.
Yeah.
Got it.
Let me just say this.
that it's sad how much he and I know each other now.
Well, we talk to each other at length every week.
You're the person I talked to the second most in my life.
Did we win the last Chulley Red games?
I think you did.
You got to beat us.
You too got to beat us.
This is tough.
Which snack?
This could be salty.
It could be sweet.
It definitely is, I will say, we definitely, it so far is tilted in our favor a bit because it's so food-focused.
And that's the thing we talk about, even off.
pod probably the most.
The next one is not food focus.
It's like there's just so much.
She like has her sweeties, you know, at night.
But it's never like, oh, I have to have my specific thing.
It's like, this girl runs the gambit.
Wow.
I mean, oh, could I be vague?
No.
I see her answer and I like it.
Yeah, you can.
I would say like, well, Amelia will be a charitable judge.
We'll figure out if you're vague and it's correct.
I think you'll.
Be rewarded.
Okay.
Mitch and Wrague, since you're done first, should we reveal?
Three, two, one, reveal.
Cool, ranch Doritos.
Cool, ranch Doritos, or that Amelia poured out his cider.
Which she really loves to do in Chicago.
Did you tell that story?
No, he didn't tell it on the pod, but Amelia poured out every one of my fucking ciders.
I was cleaning up the green room.
It was left on a table.
there were like two sips left.
I put it, there was no two sips left.
That's bullshit.
You don't want to the last two sips of a cider.
She did it, you did it, how many times?
Three times.
She did it three fucking times.
You gotta stop leaving your drinks around.
If you, hold it down for two seconds.
No, it was there for ages.
This is insane.
I will say one of the nights I was there with her and there was like three other drinks around it on the table that were also like not finished.
So we just like scooped them all and tossed them.
There you go.
Great.
I'm glad we can have you on the road.
You have a problem.
Maybe they're trying to cut you off a little early.
That's not I, that's him, not me.
Yeah, that's me.
Mitch is like, what am I supposed to do?
Crack another one of those cans open and drink that?
Like, the solution is pretty easy, I think.
Actually, I couldn't do that either.
There was, it was, it was.
There was a supply constraint issue because of the number of ciders that were procured.
Oh, yeah, that's fucked, dude.
Yeah.
That's fucked.
You get a point for that.
David and Marissa
Shall we see?
This is tricky
Because I am a snacker
But there's nothing
I love more at the end of the day
Than a Sweet Tree
Showtime sweetie
I said cookies
But Seas Candy
Oh Seas Candy
Who specifically would be my Bordeaux
My Bordeaux is the favorite
Seas candy
So that one
Yeah that one probably doesn't count
Yeah
You did Seas for last year's love week
We did
With John Hodgeman
Yeah
That's right
And Seas is a
I shouldn't have taken a shot at it.
Being specific.
I better be getting some seized candies for Valentine's Day.
Girl, you know you always get that.
Nice.
Custom box.
Amelia got us all seized candies for Christmas.
It was a lovely.
That's true.
Nice.
And Nama got us a whole bunch of lynch truffles.
Yeah.
You got a seize candies for Christmas?
Yeah, did you not open the box?
It was in the shape of a candy cane.
She gave it to us a team dinner.
Did you not open that up?
Oh.
I opened mine and it was a candy cane and it had been poured out.
Shut up.
I wrote you a card too.
Did you not read that?
I read the card.
It was a beautiful card.
Lovely cards.
Lovely cards from both of you.
Mitch was like six-siders deep.
He's like, you got me something?
But also, you don't have to gift up.
You don't have to get your bosses a gift.
It's very nice.
It's a lot of fun.
That was very sweet.
Neither of you had to do that.
The candies were very delicious.
Both of you.
Round two.
So far.
We're only in round two?
Yeah, that round one was, you know,
Was the pair.
Oh, got it, got to, got it.
This is round two.
Still anyone's game, but Mitch and Wags are in the lead.
Here we go.
This question is for Mitch and Marissa.
What is something your partner did early on that made you think,
oh, I really like this guy.
Oh, man.
I know what my answer would be.
Can I do this one?
No.
Well, you have to write for yourself.
What is something that you did early on?
Something I did early on.
that Mitch was like, oh, that would make Mitch think he really liked me.
Okay, I actually know this.
Maybe more in a creative way than a romance.
What you did?
Yes.
However he interprets that.
Something that I did that made you like me.
Oh, I can think of one.
I do.
I know one.
You do know one.
Mm-hmm.
I'm locked in.
Okay.
This is when you've, now I won't cheat.
I don't want to, don't want to do any, um, hinting because I,
respect the rules of the game.
This is sweet. This is making me
falling in love with you two all over again.
I'm reading the answer. It's very sweet. May I take a
moment and just say, I love you, babe?
Oh, I love you, babe. I truly do.
I want the whole world to know it.
Wow.
I love this woman.
That's beautiful. How many listeners we got these days?
Is it plummeting?
50, 60.
Are you kidding? I bet half of your
audience is in love with
my wife and they should be. Yeah, they should be.
I agree. Unfortunately, probably correct.
Probably more than half.
No, I'll take it. We took, we took
Marissa on the road with us.
I went to the Midwest. That was so fun.
That was a blast. Remember when we got stuck
in our flights? Like, we couldn't leave? It was wild.
We stopped by the...
To Zingermans went to the Ford Museum?
The Ford Museum? You got a penny crush?
I got a penny for John.
It was awesome. Let me just say,
if we ever go to Oklahoma,
it would be fun to have the two of here.
I would get my toes back in that red.
Oklahoma dirt.
Can we review the dirt?
Yeah, we're going to review dirt frogs.
It's red.
All right, here we go.
Okay, let's do David and Marissa first.
It's a sweet one.
Two, one.
I made a funny video with Jenny.
Oh, yeah, you did make a funny video with Jenny.
I was going to say when you rode on roller blades holding onto the back of a truck.
Oh, yeah.
That was pretty.
That was pretty sweet.
We lived, like, a few blocks for each other down Hillhurst, so it's like a pretty steep, like, decline.
And so David would rollerblade to my apartment and throw rocks at my window, which my landlord got really mad about and, like, tried to, like, shoe him off with the broom.
And then to get up Hillhurst.
To go back to his house up Hillhurst, which is a steep street, he would be on rollerblades.
He would skitch on the back of a truck.
I thought that's pretty cool.
This guy is not afraid to die.
I like that.
That's cool.
That's good as hell.
That is cool.
My answer, if it was with Natalie, would have been, I'm a shockingly good climber.
So there was a time we were going to a friend's party and like the buzzer wasn't working.
Oh, wow.
And so I just climbed the fence and went to the other side and then just opened the door from the other side and she thought it was cool as hell.
That is cool.
You're a good climber?
I'm a shockingly good climber.
You can't hold on to like your coffee cup, but you can climb something?
Because it's a different skill.
It's a strength to weight ratio thing.
I know to pull myself up.
No, I like that.
I'm a great climber.
my brother's a great jumper. The Wiger Boys get vertical.
Did you spend like a lot of time
as a child like in a pit or a hole?
You know, come to think of it, I did spend a lot of my childhood in a hole.
You bought Buffalo Bill's house.
Mitch, this was a challenging one because I'm not sure what, like I didn't quite know how to,
what direction to go in, but we'll see if we're made possibly on the same page.
Okay, ready? Yeah. Three, two, one.
Made fun of Kuala and called him a rat.
That's funny.
I was thinking further back in time.
I wrote last day of school,
which I remember you being my improv team,
you sing and being a fan of.
And then also I saw and endorsed
the birthday boys show Hot Doggin very early on.
And I remember afterwards,
you came up to me and just gave a very,
like, oh, it was really nice you to come.
And like, you were very genuine.
My original answer was,
was being funny, was my answer.
Which would have, which would have fit that.
Yeah.
Hot Doggan was a good show.
Hot dog and was a good show.
That was a fun show.
That was very fun.
We've got to get that pie.
We've got to.
get that pie. A lot of, um, how does it hold up?
An old lady that's, uh, left a pie on a window sill and a, uh, a sketch about a pen being big.
It's timeless comedy, Mitch. It's comedy for all ages. Y'all weren't going blue. You were doing
sketches about a 3D. Yeah, yeah. We should do that show again. And big crops. That was a great show.
Jimmy's trying to steal the teddy.
You can't play with the dog. You can play with her. You can't play with her. You're cute. That's cute.
We got a spark between these two.
The Birthday Boys, your excellent sketch group,
who at great IFC show that people should check out.
What's the best way to watch the IFC show now?
Probably on the Apple TV.
It's out there still.
It's out there.
You can still buy it if you want to.
If people love Mitch and we know you do.
Got some digital dust on there.
And you haven't seen the birthday boy show.
Treat yourself.
But the, like, you were so, we've talked about this before.
You were so clean in your comedy.
Yeah.
Very far afield from what Doe Boys has become.
100%.
And people thought you were a Christian sketch group at first.
Yes.
Well, we were praying before shows.
We led the theater in prayer and then we did the show.
No, they thought we were clean.
They thought we were like a clean.
They thought we were Catholic.
I was very impressed with that.
I never made a sketch that didn't have at least one dick or balls in it.
You couldn't resist.
Yeah, you were paired with my sketch group, A Kiss from Daddy, which was a big roster of heavy hitters, including Eva Anderson, molasses boy.
What a crew.
What a crew.
And then also you'd have-
Cassidy who did their theme song.
Yep.
The late great Harris Whittles.
And then you're...
Boogie Blakelock.
And then you, like, in your show, one of your sketches would be like a brother and sister fucking each other?
That's what I'm going to say is like you would do like a like, like, oh, this, this is someone who got the wrong briefcase.
Look at this buffoon.
And then our sketch...
You're talking about briefcase switcheroo?
And then our sketches were primarily about incest.
So we're double bill.
It was a great.
It was a great combo.
Who did it leave out of the list?
I feel like that didn't get, name everybody.
Dave Horwitz.
Who else is in there?
Malasasas boy, Mookiee, Paul Ross, Neil, Paul.
I think you got everybody.
Cassidy.
Yeah, Cassidy.
You got everybody.
Next question is for Nick and David.
Our, well, actually, everyone's going to answer it.
Okay.
Our relationship tastes like blank.
What?
What?
Our relationship.
I just from the newlywed game in the 70s?
No, no, no, I just made them up.
Like, if your relationship had a take.
What is it taste like?
Our relationship tastes like blank.
Yeah, what is it taste like?
Or like what, if there's a food that embodies your relationship?
Well, that's a different question.
That's a tiebreaker question.
Oh, okay, never mind.
Well, actually, we could switch it to what meal best represents your relationship.
No, I like the original problem.
We'll just stick with that.
All right.
I'm locked in.
I'm locked in.
I'm locked in.
I'm locked in.
Do you want to reveal it?
I just, I'm laughing because I saw an answer.
Okay.
All right, shall we?
Three, two, one.
Dog shit.
Or I said, or cum.
I wrote pineappily cum.
I mean, you both said cum.
Yes.
Dang, hey, whoa, we got the triple.
I said pussy juice and pre-cum.
I said root beer float.
Is it possible to give me and Wags a point and also just Dave a point and not
You know, like a half a point from hell made out of frozen cum and pussy juice?
I said pre-cum.
It's just a little bit.
Maybe Mitch and Weig's get a point.
Dave and Marissa get a half point.
Yeah, you can get a half point.
I think that's how it should work.
Yeah.
You're welcome, babe.
He's sparking with these boys.
What can I do?
I like it if there's a way that we and Nick and I come in first, Dave comes the second.
Marissa comes in third.
I think how the trauma is what does it taste like?
And three out of four of you used bodily fluid.
This is the last round.
Oh, man, this is fun.
I'm having a great time.
Last two questions.
For Mitch and Marissa,
what instrument can your partner play?
And then Dave and Wiggs,
write down an instrument you can play,
your primary instrument, if applicable.
I wrote down one option
that I think should be a full point
and then some other options I think should be half points.
Love that.
Okay, got it.
We'll see.
We'll see if Mitch hits scold.
Are you locked in, Mitch?
I'm locked in.
All right.
Let's reveal Mitch and Wags.
Three, two, one.
Bassoon.
And I said spelled wrong, which it was.
You did spell it wrong.
Yeah.
Bassoon is my number one.
Bass, of course it's two S's.
Bassoon.
Clarinet, saxophone, and now as an adult piano, which I am well.
Hell yeah.
I think you get the full point for that.
Mitch, Mitch, very often says,
obo, so he got the right
dog green. I was wondering if you would put down
obo on us. I thought about doing it, I'm glad
I didn't overthink it. All right.
David and Horace.
Thank you, bud. Well, I mean,
do you match
guitar and skin flute?
Does it match? I said guitar
and drums really small and
not skinflute.
Not skinflute.
I think you still get the full point.
It's on there. It's on there.
Skinflit.
That is wild.
You know, I've been married for, yeah, a while now.
This, okay, so last question.
That skin flute is so funny.
Oh, my God.
If David and Marissa get this next question, they will tie and we could possibly go into the tie break.
Okay.
Oh, I hope so.
If they get it and we get it wrong.
Yeah.
Got it.
So this one's for Nick and David.
What is your favorite memory of your partner?
Oh, my God.
So for Mitch and Marissa, what is your partner's favorite memory of you?
Favorite memory.
Favorite memory?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
There's so many.
Wow.
Boy.
It's so hard to say goodbye.
I mean, we forgot to like edit out the time.
Yeah, really.
Yeah, because I mean, like, yeah, it's, I won't say anything more.
And I'll take with me the memories.
Oh, wow, so many spread eagles squirting out a kid.
Spread eagle accepting sperm to make a kid.
So many eagles spread.
But that's not the memory I'm thinking of.
No, the one I'm thinking of is a little more on the nose.
Marissa, I think you'll hopefully allow the use of your phrase, which has stuck with me very viscerally.
But in an early appearance of the show, maybe your first one, you said being pregnant means, do you remember how you characterized it?
Yeah, I said it's very embarrassing being out and being pregnant because,
Everybody knows you got dumped in.
I was just thinking that.
I was like, I think I met Marissa that day.
Yeah.
And I've met like parents at like my kid's school.
They'll be like, oh, I have listened to you on Doe Boys.
And then they'll kind of like quietly go like, remember when you said how like you love getting, it turned into you love getting dumped in.
Like it kind of like evolved.
Like you have some sort of breeding.
That now I have this breeding.
fetish and that, yeah, I'm the
dump queen sure
Puttcom queen sure
yeah.
It's my claim to fame.
Hashtag bin pales.
It's my legacy, you know?
hashtag catfish navy.
I don't quite know
how to
how to have characterized this, but
I don't know what to do here either.
Man, it's so hard to choose one.
It is.
I mean, this is just wrong, but I'll guess.
Sometimes a good strategy is to just write down what you think the other person will say.
Who are we guessing on, who's guessing?
Here, I'm guessing.
The answers just have to match, but yeah, Nick and David are guessing what.
What Mitch will say.
Got it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm.
I guess I can cross out all these.
Just choose one.
Yeah.
It's wrong, but I guess.
I have an answer.
I think mine is also wrong, but I have an answer, and I will share it.
Let's reveal three, two.
Just watch.
Aw.
Emotional embrace.
Oh, that's pretty good.
I wrote emotional embrace.
And Mitch wrote when I got that lady to make me a burger in Nashville.
That was pretty good.
That was a good one.
Who was the lady?
She worked at the bar and they were like, we're shutting down.
The kitchen was closed and Mitch made himself look so pathetic that they reopened the
grill and made a burger for him.
Do they think that like if you didn't get this burger, you wouldn't make it through the night?
I mean, I don't think anyone was nervous about that.
Emotional brace. I mean, I remember we hugged when Harris passed away.
But I didn't want to write that specifically.
But like there was that. And then also we we hugged after our 10th anniversary show.
And both of those.
That is true.
I was, I did think of, I did, I honestly genuinely did think of both of those.
Yeah, there were, they were, but I know that you would associate the day our friend
died as a
happy and sad.
Well, I, no, I wrote, I wrote
happy and sad.
Because it was like,
it was, it was not,
was it happiest memory or most like,
visceral.
Favorite.
I mean, like, favorite.
I don't know.
Like, it was, uh,
I don't know.
It was a special memory.
I did make fun of you as you hugged me.
Yeah.
We have a photo.
Yeah, you called me a pussy.
I think you were crying and you called me a pussy.
That was good.
We have a photo of the happy embrace from the 10th anniversary show.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah.
You love each other.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Is it going to be a tie?
Walking around Los Felas after making weed brownies and having a ball.
Wow.
I had a lot from that time period over there at that house.
We would laugh and joke in bed and we'd had all those inside jokes.
Remember the tapestry we called it where we'd have all those callbacks?
We slept on that mattress outside that one night when it was so hot.
We've dragged our mattress out into the, like, behind the house.
Like an alley behind our house.
Wow. And we slept there for like two hours until like,
animals started walking around us.
Raccoons and possums.
Our first kiss against the car.
Oh, I don't remember that.
This is beautiful.
You wrote a lot of stuff on that board.
The jokes, she, like on our first or second, like, date, she sat on my lap and we watched
YouTube videos and she, like, she commented so funny.
She was like, my uncle actually invented this, and this is totally fake.
She kept saying, like, everything was fake, fake.
This isn't even real when things were obviously real.
Our wedding day, obviously.
and then I landed on that time that I sprayed you in the face with the shower
when we were on vacation.
That's so sweet.
I was like in front of the water like a really hard stream and it was hitting the back of my head
and then I like moved and like I wasn't trying to.
I just moved and then she was standing right here and the water just hit her straight
and the major like that was probably.
my favorite. Are you excited about your future when you fall in love, Mitch?
I can't wait to find, to find someone with that spark. Oh, you're going to spark.
You'll find her. Yeah, it's going to, it's, it's, it's, it's going to happen. And unfortunately, you guys lost and Nick and I won.
Hey, oh, no, we should do that, we should do the, we should do the, we should do the, we should do the, we should do the, bonus question.
Bonus round. Only this time we get an extra five minutes to think of the answer. I, I think, I think
Winner takes all.
Yeah, I'm finding a winner of this one.
Whoever gets this one gets the prize.
It's worth 100 points.
Well, this is the one that is what meal best represents your relationship.
What meal best represents our relationship?
And everybody's answering.
Yeah, like the partners are answering for each other.
Got it.
Got it.
Got it.
The answers have to match.
What meal best represents our relationship?
Yeah.
Okay.
winner takes all
the winner takes it all
so this is a meal
what meal
yeah
or food or you know
however you you interpret it
if there's
you know something specific
that comes to
to your mind
hmm
meal that
these questions are insane
by the way
it's love week
this one's more
these ones that are a little bit more abstract
actor a little bit more challenging.
Yeah.
It's part of the fun.
Yeah, this shouldn't be too hard.
There's only one million mills.
Mills.
My Oklahoma accent,
sometimes it forces me,
you know, people say like whale.
Yeah.
So I always like overcorrect
and then I accidentally say like
the wrong.
Forget it.
Wait, what does whale sound like?
You wouldn't understand.
It's like well.
Like the well in the ocean.
Yeah.
Like I'll say that because I don't want to say whale.
Whale.
So like I stopped saying,
whale.
What's wrong with the way you said whale?
Well, like, whale, we're heading out.
Oh, okay.
And so then, like, I'll do, my brain stops me from saying whale, even though it's an animal.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Oh.
Wow.
Like, instead of well, they say whale.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
I'm locked in.
Hang on.
Oh, yeah, I'm locked in.
Let me go walk in here.
All right.
I'm locked in.
I'm feeling really, really confident.
Mitch, you ready?
Yep.
Okay, here we go.
Three, two, one, reveal.
Pizza and burger and spoonful of calm.
Yeah, mine says pizza and burger and spoonful of come,
and Mitches says a footlong shared with Jared.
I think those are both pretty accurate.
Both pretty good.
That's good.
You know, our relationship is earthy.
It's a little sweet and kind of salty.
It's a beet salad with goat cheese.
Wow.
Pretty good.
That's pretty good.
That's good.
I thought that was going to be more cum.
It's.
I describe our relationship as sushi on a naked Kim Katrall and sex in the city.
I love that.
Damn, that's so obvious now in hindsight.
I think that's like the second time you beat a married couple.
But Nick and Mitch, you won these edible underwear.
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Let's eat them.
All right.
Bring them out.
Good job, buddy.
Come on.
Put them on.
Wow.
Let's ask a question as we eat these.
Wait, hold on.
I like gummy.
Swap.
Oh, yeah, gummy ain't yummy.
Yeah, gummy ain't yummy.
Yeah, gummy.
Thank you for remembering.
Do you like this kind of candy?
Lover's candy G-string?
I'd like this over gummy.
This is candy necklace material.
But I would not want to put this on my hoo-ha.
Would that not give you like a yeast infection?
I'm thinking immediately yeast infection, immediate UTI.
I can understand this conceptually.
Edible.
crotchless. This says, it looks like you guys
pointed out, it looks like it says cummy panties.
It does look like it says cummy panties.
Peach flavored, uh, for her.
Bold fruit flavor.
When is the guy, okay.
So is this meant, like, I'm trying to wrap my mind around like,
what role this would play actually in the bedroom from people who use this?
What?
That's what that looks like?
What is it?
What the fuck is that?
Can you imagine like, uh, guys, I think I found my spark.
This looks horrible.
Here we go.
That does not resemble panties.
It looks like dry fruit.
Dude.
Yeah, it looks like dried fruit.
Where do you wear it?
How do you put that on?
It's like a Zoro mask.
It's got some straps.
What though?
Wait, so this is for her?
So is this for you, a man wears this?
You put your dick through it?
No, it's for her to wear.
There's a slit.
There's a gash in there.
Gash.
Jesus.
Nice.
Yeah, stop.
So there's a rope here that I guess this is, this is, I'll put it on.
I think you tie it, yeah, tie it.
But what does that go to?
Open that up, crack it up, and we can do it together.
Or do you want to just take a bite?
Is the fantasy with this?
I do want to eat different.
So a woman is wearing this and she's in bed with a guy.
It's like the illusion that you're trying to pretend is that like this guy's so horny that he like ate your underwear.
I guess so.
Like it's like, oh, this guy was so hot for me.
He ate my underwear.
But obviously like that'd be impossible to do.
I think it's a food fetish involved.
I think it's a way to trick a fat guy into eating your pussy.
And let me tell you, it ain't going to work.
This makes no sense, but we should take bites of it.
I actually am a bit of a freak.
I don't know if you guys know that about me, but I allowed myself to imagine doing this.
And I liked it.
Really?
Yeah, it's like, it's like, you know, you know, you.
put that and then it's so different. All right so these actually look like edible panties.
Like this has the form factor of a G string. The one it's it's like a bunch of these uh a smarties
essentially not smarties in the Canadian sense smarties in the American sense. It's almost like a pukeshell
neckl yeah it's very mucousel. I want to try this on. I think is this seems once it goes on
this is not leaving the imagination. No you can see full bush through this. Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Can I take a bite of this? Yeah. Why not? Yeah. I don't want to eat this. This doesn't even seem like
It doesn't even seem like food. Take that home, babe.
I don't even think this is like the same brand as like candy necklaces. This feels like
like beads that maybe are technically food. This is better than edible arrangements.
I shit you not. I'm having more fun. Wow. Wow. This is not bad. This is really strongly
scented by the way. This is quite good. It's not, yeah, this smells. It's not bad. I do love peach.
I love peach everything. It's not bad. It's really.
You are giving that more forks than edible arrangements.
Here, will you toss that to me?
Yeah, here we go.
I'll take a bite of it.
I toss the candy G string to Mitch.
He's g-string to Mitch. He's g-on-on-it.
That actually is pretty good.
I like that one.
Well, get in online.
All right, fine.
I'll eat the panis.
Hard candy.
Would you do at work today?
I watch my bosses eat edible underwear.
Look, gummy ain't you on me, but it ain't bad.
I mean, this is not good.
That's the best flavor of gummy.
You're going to accidentally like chomper vulva.
That's okay.
That's our whole problem.
Like, wait, I don't understand the application of it.
Yeah, because I had to bite pretty hard to get a piece off.
You have to bite pretty hard.
Those you have to like send one back to your molars.
Yeah.
I don't understand how this is like plays out in real life.
I feel like you pull them off.
Babe, you should try one of these.
David put them on.
I think I'm okay.
Good look for you.
Oh, a second. Why do you have to trick a fat guy into eating you out?
I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out the utility of it.
Some fat guys like to go do that sort of thing?
I'm not you.
Yeah, so what if cares?
Yeah, but that's not because of his size.
I think of myself was a fat guy.
It's an acquired taste, Mitch. I think once you start doing it, you'll develop a taste.
It's like a cigarette.
If you have a break for a long time, you lose the tolerance.
I mean, like, great job in the chiliwed game.
Well-constructed.
Thank you.
That was so fun.
I love that.
I wish we did better, but you all did great.
I think our relationship is non-question.
Just like a restaurant with all your feedback.
Let's up our feedback.
Today's email is from Dethlehem.
Hi, Dethlehem.
Hey, Dethlehem.
They write, statement, first date should be drinks or coffee and not a meal.
Exception is if you end up hanging out long enough that you need to eat.
Interesting.
So they're saying not dinner, not lunch.
But go get like a cocktail or go get yourself a cold brew.
What's this guy's name?
This is Dethlehem and I believe it's a maybe.
From the Dosecord.
Yeah, from the Dosecord, yeah.
Okay, well, I couldn't agree more.
Wow.
A thousand, Dethlehem, you are hitting the nail on the head here, baby.
I do not like eating in front of other people if I don't have to.
You're trying to make a good impression and you're chomping on what?
A salad, pizza, anything.
I can't imagine anything that I would want to eat.
It's like, get it over with.
So then when we can talk.
A big bowl of edible underwear for two, two chopsticks.
I think an appetizer would be fine.
It's like, oh, you want to get a little artichoke dip?
Yeah, we can kind of munch on it while we drink our beer or cocktail.
French fries.
It's like, come having had is what I would say.
It's like, I just scarf down a little something at home.
Hope you did too because.
Yeah.
I'm not like trying to save money.
I just feel like it's like I just don't feel personally comfortable doing that.
I've definitely, you know, back when I dated and even the courtship phase with Natalie is like I was very self-conscious eating in front of another person.
Why? Is that like a common thing?
I don't know.
I think, well, I'm a messy eater.
I look like, I eat like a fucking slob.
Yeah, he puts his bowl on the floor and eats on all fours.
And I do.
I eat like a fucking dog.
And then I have a hard time like closing my mouth completely when I chew because my mouth's so big.
It's just gaping maw.
But I don't know.
Do you all remember your first meal together?
We used to eat it.
That was a fancy meal.
Il Capriccio and those feel is.
But, you know, a lot of just like...
Still standing still there.
I mean, we cooked a lot at all.
We went vegan when we first got together.
That's nice.
We were saving the world.
Yeah, we got a juicer.
We were juicing.
Yeah, we would cook a lot.
Remember that saffron dish?
We put too much saffron in a dish, classic, yeah.
It's so easy to go overboard on saffron.
It really is.
Cooking together.
It means like one thread.
Yes.
Cooking together or...
preparing a meal for your sweetie is
real great, especially in the early on.
For sure. As far as a first day,
I feel like you're still getting
to know, you don't want to be, is that the thing?
You don't want to be stuck at a meal with somebody who
is a dud.
You're certainly more captive with a meal. You know, I don't want to go to
I don't want to eat crawfish and then
possibly have a kiss at the end of the night.
Well, you don't have to go to the fucking crayfish
boil.
He does, though. That's the thing. He does.
I think they're thinking in terms of
like, if you're just getting your first impression, you know in 10 seconds that this is going to be a good match or not, or at least somebody you want to get to know, you don't want to be stuck at an hour and a half long dinner. Maybe you're paying the tab. If you're old fashioned for somebody that you know it's not a match with, get a cup of coffee. Everybody buys their own and then you're not stuck there. I don't know. I feel like there should be more dates that are like on your feet doing something. Like, you know what I mean? Like just sitting and like. I said it before. I love a movie date, but a lot of the times I feel like the woman I ask her are like, I don't, you don't get to talk to someone in the movie.
Movie's a bad idea, Mitch.
You ain't going to get no sparks in a movie theater.
I think that's a good, like, not first date, but third, fourth day.
Yeah, where you, like, you do dinner and a movie.
But that's a big time commitment.
You're watching a two and a half hour movie, and then you're just, like, parting ways in the parking lot.
You didn't even know that at all.
I feel like the two and a half hours is a, yeah, I guess you don't say anything afterwards.
You have to then go out to the Cheesecake Factory and you're talking about the movie.
Now you're six hours in.
How about 45 minutes before the movie, you hit Cheesecake Factory, then we go see the movie.
That could be fun.
That could be fun.
I mean, Natalie and I, our first formal date.
was a
was a movie,
but we'd hung out a few times
like in group settings before then.
And so we went to see a movie
ended up working out great
because we saw this,
we saw this Neil Abute movie
and we both hated it
and we both got to shit talk
with this movie afterwards.
That's really cute.
So, and also my dumb ass
took us to the wrong theater
so we couldn't see the movie
that she wanted to see.
And so we sought,
we opted for a different movie.
What was the movie she wanted to see?
I don't remember.
But we ended up hating
whatever we were watching,
which was fun.
Did you ask her out first?
Or did she ask you out?
Or how did you know that it was like game on?
I asked her and when I did she,
because I had her email, I emailed her after we'd hung out a few times
of group settings and her reply was,
her reply was you took your sweet time emailing me.
Wow.
He's offing me from the beginning.
Yeah, no shit.
Yeah, she's right.
Which I loved.
Dear Natalie, do you care to join me on a date to a film?
You fucking gleeve?
Two months after she was like laying it on thick with him.
Michael Lustering up the courage.
I like you, Nick Wager.
Oh.
I like you too, buddy.
Yeah, there you go.
Whatever works.
I do like this idea, though, of drinks or coffee because, yes, you're right.
You're not as captive.
And it's like a less...
Drinks that might feel a little bit...
I don't know.
It depends on the individual, I think.
But it's just because I always feel like alcohol.
I guess it's a social lubricant, but it does kind of complicate things.
It just feels like there should be more dates where you're, like, doing something.
Like, sitting down.
talking is so kind of like, I don't know,
formal, like,
go play Frisbee.
How about going for a stroll?
Can you go for a stroll?
Is that an option?
I like a stroll.
I mean, really dancing, right?
I'd go back to the sock hop.
Two-step in.
I mean, Cowboys, like, have it easy.
You just, like, you go to Cowboys on Friday night,
Saturday night, and it's just like,
you're line dancing, and they're seeing you have fun.
It's like, this is me just shaking loose,
knocking back a couple of long necks.
like, would you like to dance? Sure. Oh, we got a little chemistry when we move. And it's like,
we haven't even said two words to each other, but we already know we like each other. That
is how you meet. I've never done it personally, but that's how I imagine. Here's a, here's a fun
first idea. Would you like to accompany my colonoscopy this week? I need a ride. I need a ride.
I need a ride. You do need a ride. That's fun. That's fun. There you go. That is a good appointment.
My whole butthole is completely cleared out. So if you want to do a
anything kinky in that regard.
I'm a. Okay, ready for that, man.
Please respond by
5 a.m. because that's when
I leave for the...
I think that
a big meal is not the best thing on, on,
really on any date. You've got to be careful
with a big meal. You certainly don't want the rumblies,
especially if things might progress.
But don't put the cart before
the horse. Emma and Amelia, do you have
any thoughts on like this theory?
This statement that a first date should be drinks,
coffee? I completely agree.
Wow. Completely. I don't even think you should do an activity because you know within five seconds.
No, Frisbee? No, you know within five seconds whether or not you're attracted to someone.
Yeah, so toss the Frisbee two times and go, nice to meet you.
You're stuck in that commitment in that activity, whereas a cup of coffee or a drink is so noncommittal,
you could just get one and done. You could line up several.
You could line up several.
Like the drink is finished. And you're like, all right, I got to get going. Yeah.
That's true. Frisbee has no natural end point. Yeah, I completely agree.
Mike and I's first date was burgers, but it was, we had had drinks and, like, met previously and, like, hung out. So it wasn't like, we knew each other. So it didn't feel as weird. But even then I still remember, like, sitting there with my burger and I, we went to stout, which was like on coanga. Oh, yeah. I don't know if it's still like. But they had a burger that was like a red pepper burger. And I'd had it before and I knew it was a fairly clean burger, which is why I ordered it. And even then I was still like, how do I do this without making a mess out of myself? Did you give him a big wet burger kiss at the end of the day?
Absolutely. His car.
actually got towed, so instead of going home, we went to the tow yard to pick up his car.
Aw, that's memorable.
That's cute.
It was cute.
I think a little bit of mayhem is kind of good for chemistry.
Like, I feel like, hey, that could be a business, too.
You're going out on a date.
Maybe I tinker a little bit of mayhem.
Maybe your car got broken into when you go back to your car after your date.
Now you got something to talk about.
Now you're on a mission together.
I do like that.
Yeah.
I love that.
Later on, you tell your sweetie when you're living together.
You know, I actually paid someone to break into our car.
What the fuck?
fuck is wrong.
I'm sick.
You remember
it?
Getting Mike paid someone
to tow his car?
It's possible.
You should ask.
You should ask.
Okay, it worked.
You don't want someone to get the ick from watching you eat or get the
ick from somebody watching them eat.
Yeah.
You also, you think it's a good idea for me to ask a girl to bring him to the park
and throw me a frisbee?
You think she's going to think you're a dog?
I mean, that's the issue.
I would take Jimmy do that.
Oh, cute.
If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants,
email at birdfuck.com or leaves his voicemail 830.0.3-60-6-8-4.
That's 8304-6-844.
Our producer is Emileadrino. Our producer is Emilian Marino.
Our video editor is Mike Dorfman.
And hey, for Love Week, we love our whole team.
Do-Boys apparel at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys.
And the Do-Boys double available at patreon.
We took one of those lengthening or girthening pills today because this is an extra long episode, why?
Yes.
We're really sorry.
My, is it over already?
Yeah, look, this is a thing.
Doing this podcast is already humiliating.
And then when it goes extra long, we feel extra guilty.
It's longer than every Oscar nominee.
We're very, very sorry.
Your parents, you're being very generous with your time.
This episode is an hour longer than hamnet.
That's not all in me, Mitch.
But how much did they talk about pineapple cull?
Literally not enough.
And the Oscar goes too.
David Nier and Marissa Pinson.
please plug away. Thank you both so much for being.
Oh, thank you for having us.
My friend John and I have a podcast called On Brand with John and Marissa.
Every week we take turns teaching each other the history of a fun and iconic brand.
So we got fun episodes that come out every Thursdays.
Wow.
On Brand, a great podcast.
I listened to it myself.
Oh, thanks.
That's so sweet.
Super entertaining.
Y'all have great chemistry.
You and John Glover.
To the funniest.
Come on now.
Two the funniest.
And I know we've had a lot of Dope boys listeners have gone over to On Brand, but I hope
even more. I will do so after this episode. And I, it is family friendly. I know we get a little
R-rated here on the doughboys, but but our show is, uh, we, we have six-year-olds who listen to it.
Wow. You guys say some pretty risk-case stuff for six-year-olds, but six-year-old do listen to it.
Okay. Well, you know, I'm retired from acting. Yes. Well, pitch your patch company. I do, I run a patch
company. Patch supply.com. If you need embroidered patches for your security business, patch supply.com.
Maybe a woven patch for your Little League baseball hat.
PatchSupply.com.
No, but really, you should get a patch supply.com.
Also, what was they going to pitch?
Oh, yeah.
No, that's dumb.
You know what?
I'm going to pitch.
I'll pitch someone else's podcast that I was on.
Is that all right?
Yeah, of course.
You know Jack Bishop?
Yes, yeah.
Yeah, he has a podcast called Cinema Possessed with his wife, Corey,
and it's about movies.
They go through his DVD collection.
and watch it and they go through like the Blu-ray
like bonus features and things like that.
Jack is quite knowledgeable on movies
and I had a great time being on the show.
So that's just a little shout out.
We watched Poultergeist.
And then I was on it for Pet Cemetery as well.
But yeah, just a little shout out to that.
I love it.
Cool means.
Anyway, love you guys.
Love you guys.
We love you.
We love the two of you.
Speaking of patch supply.com,
You all crafted some doughboys patches
that are still available at
Consip goods.com
slash doughboys.
They are really high quality.
I have a few in my house
and I love them.
They're beautiful patches.
I actually have sold some patches
from being on this show.
Oh, there you go.
Yeah, this guy has like a pie shop or something.
Oh, this metal band introvoid.
These sound like doughboys fans.
Pie shop, metal band.
That's 80% of doughboys fans
are either own a pie shop or are in metal band.
I'm pretty sure.
this guy who opened a bar called the peach
crease is a doughboys fan
as well. So it's happened like three or four times.
It's very funny.
Yeah, there's a guy in the sex offender registry.
He just wanted to pass just to save time on informing
people.
We do it all.
For little St. James patches.
Yeah, right.
One of these listeners that...
Commemorative.
Yeah, don't check the Epstein Files for Pass Fly.
Hey, that'll do it for this episode.
This Love Week episode of Doe Boys.
Until next time for the Spoon Man,
Mike Mitchell. I'm Tiger Weiger.
Happy eating. I love you.
I love you. See ya.
We love you.
We love you.
Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on HeadGum called Next We Have.
Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone.
I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't.
Because you now legally have to listen to the show.
That's how law works.
Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments.
For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge Yelp reviews.
for callers who had bad experiences with a business.
The Do-Boys play a game called Meal or No Meal,
and Steph Tolliv and I go head-to-head on a thought-provoking game called Guess That Sound.
The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should.
But it's a great time, and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next We Have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.
That was a HeadGum podcast.
