Doughboys - Fat Burger 3 & Buffalo's Express Whitmer Thomas

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

Whitmer Thomas (@whitmerthomas, Terminal Crew of Dudes) joins the 'boys to talk Boy Scouts, Hooters, and wings before a review of Fat Burger and Buffalo's Express. Plus another edition of Food in this Dude.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/doughboys Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. American author Mark Twain was known as an essayist, novelist, and humorist, as well as for being an iconic late career stage role of Val Kilmer. Fame for his flowing white locks, he was ironically a man of many hats, including co-editing a historic newspaper in Buffalo, New York,

from 1869 to 1871, called The Express. In 1926, 15 years after Twain's death, the paper merged with rival publication The Courier, and the unified Buffalo Courier Express went on to cover the city that invented spicy, sauced chicken wings for the next six decades. Sadly, in a foreboding foreshadowing of both the rise of right-wing corporate media and the collapse of the American Union, in 1982, the newspaper shuddered because of union opposition to its pending sale to Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. As written by the city's News Guild in its own history,

quote, in 1982, the Guild Unit at the Courier Express voted its own demise rather than sacrifice union principles. But from the ashes of a century-old local newspaper came the phoenix of a Wings restaurant based not in Buffalo, New York, but in the American South that Twain was famously depicting in literature. In 2003, Fat Brands, which is famed for its eponymous burger brand, beloved by Angelinos and serenaded by Ice Cube, added the chicken wing concept to its stable and began opening co-branded locations of the burglary and wingslinger. And while, for some, a one-two punch

of a notoriously heavy burger and breaded sauced wings may seem a recipe for the rumblies, to quote the co-founder of the Courier Express, Mark Twain, part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. This week on

Doe Boys, Fat Burgers, Buffaloes Express. Welcome to Doe Boys. the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, A La Modisius, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell. So like ice cream, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They could have used it on the, did you,

you've seen the Odyssey at this point? Yeah, I've seen the Odyssey. Has our guests seen the Odyssey? Oh, yeah. Okay, all right, yeah. Meals? Oh, yeah. I have not seen it.

Emma hasn't seen it. We don't, we won't spoil things for Emma and for people still waiting on their 70-millimeter tickets at this point. They should have already. Do you spoil it? That's a great question. Can you spoil an ancient tale?

I guess there are some artistic liberties Nolan takes with a source, so perhaps you could spoil those details. Yeah, yeah. Did you like it? Oh, my God, blew me away. I loved it. I'm a sucker for that. Yeah.

I thought it was a hoot. I wish it was a little hornier. And then I, like, there was, I did notice the person who did the translation that, you know, Nolan, like, based on it, I can't remember, though, the woman's name. But, like, she wrote a piece where she was like, she didn't like it. She didn't like it.

And then she was also, like, specifically like, it needed more sex scenes and the food didn't look good. Emily Wilson. Which was, like, Emily Wilson, yeah. But that was such an interesting complaint because I was like, wouldn't the food have been shitty then? Do you think that food would have taken? Like, everyone is.

Your review of minions and monsters you said could have been a little hornier, too. It's kind of your go-to. You do got Ann Hathaway sitting in there playing with her threads or whatever. that is. Show her jacking off or something. She could be jacking off in 70 millimeter. Why not? My sister didn't shout me out.

Also, by the way, when they're in there with the Cyclops for two days, no one jacked off at all. Jacked off. Not even the Cyclops. You know the Cyclops was at some point. My sister didn't shout me out, so I'll shout out my gorgeous wife and my kids, not shouting out Annie. Thanks, Petey. Rosed at BirdFuck.com. Petty sent that one in.

Thank you, Pete. Well, whatever. Not thank you. It's your mean. Mitch, we have a development. at the Do Boys podcast, a breakout character, honey-baked ham guy. Okay. This is from our Kimmy Gatewood episode.

People love Honey-Baked Ham Guy. Yeah, they do, but you can't make me do that in front of this man. He's funny. I have some here. Kimmy's very funny, too. I'm not saying that I would, okay. You were self-conscious doing it in front of Kimmy as well. Yes, of course.

You were self-conscious doing in front of everybody. The idea of it was like an old man who's commenting on Zoomer Slend. was what the character was. I have the first example there if you want to read that one. My first example. Wait, okay. The, or example,

it's at the top of the under the roast. It's under the roast. Yeah. That's not my, that is not it. That wasn't the first one? No. I just compiled our Do Boy's group chat. I thought it was the first one.

No, I can tell you what the, I can tell you what the first. That's not it. Okay, should I do that one? Do you want to do that one? Oh, well, should I start? I mean, start it, yeah. This is a nightmare.

I didn't know that, I didn't know that you were, I didn't know that you were doing this to me. We have to address this. It's all people are talking about in the Reddit. Oh, wait, I got it. I do have it. Here it is. Okay. Back in my day, if you were going to glaze something, it would be a delicious honey-baked ham.

That was, that was, that was, and then, and then the second one was, oh, no, then the second one was back in my day. No, that wasn't, I didn't say this one. Yeah, it was drip. Okay. So the drip one's not on. Back in my day, drip was the glaze that would fall off a baked, and then it was just honey-baked ham over and over again. And then we kept, we were riffing on it on this episode. And then we were also, we were also riffing it on our text thread.

We have a few more. We have a few more. This is what I came up with. Back in May Day, we didn't say fam. We shed ham. Honey baked ham, that is. Yours got the best, you did the best one so far. He changed his voice a lot.

I like funny voices a lot. That's my style of humor. He really did go for it. Back in my day, if Shimon was salty, it was because they overbriined their honey-baked tan. You're turning into more of a nerd instead of an old guy. Does he sound nerdy? He does sound a little bit of a lot.

Okay, I'll try to see if I can play it older. There's a few more of the, I highlighted the ones that you came up with Mitch. If you want to say that, and you also don't have to. Back in my day, cooked was a good thing, and match your honey-baked ham was. It's done. That's pretty good.

That is good. I like that one. Back in my day, the goat was when your absent-minded butcher picked the wrong cut of meat for your pre-ordered honey-baked ham. That's good. Goat into the ham. It's a big fobal. I'm trying really hard to think of anything right now to say. I can't.

I do just love honey-baked ham, and I love anything that starts with back in my day. I really do. It is fun. It is a format. So there was a Reddit mega threat. for Honeybaked Ham guy on the Do Boy subreddit, which I don't look at, but Amelia compiled some of them. And I have a few of these here, bitch.

I'll just, I'll read it. I'll read one of these. If you want to pick any you like, and then we can just, we can just alter it. I like the last one. Okay, you can say that one. Back in my day, ACAB is what you called to go pick up your honey baked ham.

That's good. 80AISE is 80.80s is the one who did that one. Good job. Back in my day, Bricked up. was how we built the oven to roast our honey baked ham. Brick oven? It's a frisitor. You can use a break oven.

Why not? Wait, I think I got one. Yes. This is huge. Macombardary. No cap was how I would prefer to eat my honey baked ham. That's good. Roasted a better temperature without the lid.

Or in just no hat. Or just no hat. Yeah, right? You're wearing a hat while I eat my hand. Just a hat. Wait. No cap was the polite. Way to eat your honey bag of ham and dogs.

Of course, you don't wear that to the dinner table. This one's perhaps specific to us from our buddy Spencer Crittenden, aka the Sixler, past doughboy's guest. Back in my day, a potent mix was when you used honey to glaze a ham. And then I like this one. Potent mix is another thing we say on the podcast. I like this one. This is embarrassing. This is embarrassing.

Iole freeoles sent in. Back in my day, the only zoomers we need. knew were the whole family zooming down to the kitchen on Christmas morning to the smell of a fresh honey-baked ham? I like that one too because they had the ham ready in the morning. They did. There was one online that was funny, and the guy got it wrong, but the idea of it was back in my day, when we said me too, it was after my friend said, I want some honey-baked

which I thought was good. That's good. Anyways, we never do anything like this. This is weird. I think it's good. I love HoneyBake Tam. I ordered two of them a year. Do you really?

And I wait in line. From the HoneyBakem store? Wow. We actually ate there and I think our thoughts was that it was really good. It was good. We had it. Well, we did an Easter episode with our buddy, Kevin Porter, from Good Christian Fun. And we had a lovely time.

We're like, this is great. We were enjoying some Honey Bay Tam. Yeah. It was a pandemic, a little pandemic escape. So it's such a treat. I bring it to whoever's doing Thanksgiving, and they're always like a ham on Thanksgiving, and then people are loving it. This is the thing.

I think that I was too mean to honey bake or to ham in general, and then I think that, because I like, I do like, I like turkey. I do like, but also, it used to be you had both. Used to be at Thanksgiving. That's what I always remember as a kid. Yeah, yeah. And having the option of both is fun. I feel like the ham kind of.

disappeared for the equation. I like, I like that you bring it. It keeps the tradition alive. It does affect me like in a way. I feel the same way when I eat a lot of honey baked ham as I do if I was to smoke like a pack of cigarette. Sure. Something happens to me physically. It's an indulgence. Yeah. It's salty. It's a lot. It is, it is one of those. It's, it is, it's a lot. It's a lot. But, you know, I've been too mean to ham in the past and I have, as I've grown. Yeah, you've been too mean to ham in the past. As I've gotten older, I've grown to like ham. more. I do like ham a lot. I was always a ham kid.

Ham is, it's good. It is good. Ham is good. Of course I like I like all sorts of pig bros. What are you looking at me for? I'm just observing. I'm just watching you. The fuck does that mean? I'm just watching the podcast. Amelia, do you remember the one you had, one of your honey-baked ham ones? Yeah, it's back in my day,

locked in meant your honey-baked ham was already in the oven, cooking to perfection. You sounded like Peter Griffin. All right, Mitch, we have a great guess here. I want to get in here. I'm going to hit him with a drop. God, we're doing so much embarrassing shit. This is great stuff. Here comes to drop.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. There's there a tiny rock. There's there a tiny rock at the center. Oh. Oh. That's the, oh. There's there a tiny rock. There's there a tiny rock.

There's there a tiny rock. Is there a tiny rock? That's no planet. That's no planet. The part that would be the planet of Jupiter is like not, the ground just isn't solid. It's like a cloud. Yeah. Fucking hot.

Okay. That actually did sound, the beat was nice. It very lovely beat. Is that new? That's someone just made that. Oh, that was really good. Oh, no, this year. They made it just a month ago.

Yeah. Hi, dough boys. Here's a drop from an argument about planets from the La Cologne. That's interesting. We'll get to it. Colom episode with Vic Michaelis. Endor may not be a star, but you are. Thanks, Ian, aka Drop Cruise.

Drop crews. The planets are fascinating. Like, I still don't quite understand how a gas giant works. You're looking at one. Mitch, I have a request. Can you move that document because I think it's disorienting. I think, no, I think Jemmy is like, my spot is taken up by that piece of paper

so I can't snuggle up. Could you ever make a paper plane? Could you make a paper plane? Yeah, I could, yeah. Could you, can you do it? I could, well, okay. Yeah, I can. Sorry, let's do it.

No, I mean, let me see if I can remember how to make the cool one. There's like the basic one, right? Yeah. That would be like... This guy was a Boy Scout, so I feel like he knows... Oh, my God. Well, so making paper planes

was a huge part of the... The Boy Scout experience. Yeah, you were making, you were whittling. We were whittling? We were tying knots. Did you shoot any guns or no? Well, we shot the shit out of guns. Really?

Yeah. I had the shotgun shooting, and rifle remarried badges. Were you wearing a black leather coat? Dude, well, here's just the, there's a cooler way to do it that. That's pretty good. That's a pretty good.

It's a classic paper plan. Well, there's only one way to see. Yeah. It did a little something. It did something. When I was a kid, I had to fake being a Boy Scout. Why was that? Well, oh, that's nice.

That was pretty good. Yeah. That was pretty good. Well, because I was living with my cousins randomly. I had to go live with them for a summer. And my aunt and uncle had planned a vacation, not knowing I was going to live with them. And my cousins were going to camp. And my cousin, my age, Spence, was a.

Boy Scout. And so they, he was going to Boy Scout camp. And so they were like, you got to go to Boy Scout camp, but I was not a Boy Scout. It was like 11 or something. And so they just got me a uniform and let me use some thing, like a sash with badges on it. And so I had to just go and fake that I was a Boy Scout. And I already had these badges that said I knew how to do stuff that I just didn't know how to do. And it was actually ended up.

being a pretty fun couple weeks because I realized about a weekend that I didn't care about it at all. And so I could just sort of half ass it or be like, you know, I don't want to do that today. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And it was cool. How did you get like, like, I'm just surprised. You pissed off about this information by the way. Yeah, it's stolen valor.

But how is it, how would you so able to so easily like, I'm just going to put the uniform on and like walk into it? Like, it's like it's like a mission impossible sort of thing of like you would think like, wait, isn't there some like ID that was or some form that had to be filled out, some fee that had to be paid? I lived, I'm sure a fee was paid. Okay, got it. By my aunt and uncle. And they said, like, oh, he's not from here. I was not.

This was in Gunnersville, and this, I'm from Gulf Shores in Alabama. And so I feel like I got a pass and just, I don't think anybody knew. Right. Because my aunt and uncle are good Christian folks. Yeah. They didn't want to be seen as liars. And so, yeah, I went and I have a photo of myself there, like the day that I got picked up. Please, if you can find it.

We'll put it on our video episode. He would have sniffed you out, I feel like. I feel like he would have outed him. Well, a couple guys did. Yeah. One kid named Dale did. He was awesome. And then another one did who was very jealous of that I didn't have to actually participate as hard as they all were doing it.

Are you going to be, Dale, or you're going to be the other kid? What would you be? I honestly probably think, like, the other kid I can relate to. too because I didn't really like Boy Scouts. You know what I mean? Like I was always just like I'd rather just be at home playing video games instead of having this fucking camp out. So like I think there would be,

I think there was enough distaste for me for the organization, especially in hindsight, where I would have been like, like, oh, it's kind of cool. Oh, especially in hindsight. Yeah, yeah. That's good of you. So there's some new developments. He only left like three years ago.

Oh, well. What you did what you do? Did you go into high school with Boy Scouts or no? Yeah, I was still a Boy Scout when I like started high school. But didn't last before you're up there. Yeah, yeah. My brother Nate, my alpha brother Nate, why were an Eagle Scout? Oh, fuck, he's cool as hell.

So that is tricky. Yeah, it is tricky. He's an Alpha. Did he go through high school? I think he, I think my brother like aged out of Boy Scouts. I think you, because you hit the like the level cap is like age 18, then you can't be a Boy Scout. And we can do, if you're an Eagle Scout, you can wear that badge right into the military. So how about that? That's a nice pipeline.

Oh. Yeah. Our guest today, an actor and comedian from weapons and friendship, his new special Terminal Crew of Dudes streams August 14th on HBO tomorrow as of this release. Whitmer Thomas is here. Thanks so much for being here. Thank you for having me.

What a who, y'all. Speaking of The Odyssey, that's been what it's like to have you come on the podcast. It's been a long journey, wigs. But we're finally here. Free pandemic, we had planned on getting wit on the podcast at some point. And it is a long, and we were going to do it. Yeah.

We got to talk about a chain that's dear and dear to your heart because we didn't do it today. Todd, let's mention Hooters because you said you're from Alabama, and when you were in Alabama fairly recently, you were able to visit Hooters. I went to Hooters twice in two weeks. There's Hooters on the beach and Gulf Shores. It's incredible Hooters. That sounds awesome. It's just like a very well-run establishment.

and everybody's happy there and the food is piping hot. But yeah, I wanted to do Hooters back in the back in my day. When we first started talking about this, Hooters was still like in Burbank in Hollywood and the The pandemic happened, which I think maybe and then there was like there were multiple there were mishaps like on both sides. I feel like there was it was a lot of both sides. sides here. It's a weird, yeah, they're good guys on both sides. There was a, there's a thing we keep running into, like, and it's, it's happened with, with, with, with, with, with Gets Beyond Wittmer, which is like, it's, it's supposed to happen, and it doesn't happen one time, and somehow that

leads to this cascade of, like, being unable to ever schedule it. And then all of a sudden, half a decade passes, but we're here now. We're here now. We're here now. I will say that, like, I, the episode you did of Hooters already was with, uh, Kula. Yes. And I remember all the stuff that she got was wrong. Like, why would you get that at Hooters? It's like getting soup from Chick-fil-A or something like that. And I remember being like, well, of course that's not good. That's not what you should get.

What's... So what should you get from Hooters? Just wings and fried pickles. You're not like a crab legs guy. Because I know, like, I just think of Jalen Rose getting crab legs at the Hooters. That's crazy. No, I wouldn't do that. I think the Buffalo shrimp is pretty good, too.

Buffalo shrimp is good, okay. Another guy who we both know. Bugmain, he goes by. He loves, he's also a huge Hooters guy. I remember he wrote a Hooters movie, didn't he? Yeah, I believe he were a Hooters movie. And I've been at, he's, he, he, did bug main do Hooters on the show at one point? He did, right?

Or no. No, we did with Bug Main, our previous, we did, we did I-Hob. Yes. And then he pitched at a certain point going to Dames and Games, which is the one location, fully topless sports bar in downtown Los Angeles. And he also, he wanted to go to Twin Peaks. I think after someone was killed. at the Vegas location.

Yes, yeah. So this is kind of where the spheres in which he operates. IHob was the was when IHop rebranded as a burger joint briefly. Hearing Hooters and Hooters over and over and again, does that remind you of being in the Boy Scouts?

Do you ever see any, uh... You would sometimes hear some owls out there. Yeah, sure. Sometimes a bear would be spotted. You see deer all the time, yeah. Damn. You've seen a bear. You've seen a bear in the wild before?

Um, we want to see a bear domestically all the time. That's nice. They like what I see. That is nice. That's one of the first. I remember that I was put on like a bear website, and I thought it was just, it was very flattering.

I liked it. It was like a, it was a, it was a, I think it was a screen grab from the birthday boys with me just holding my genitalia. And it was on like a bear website. And it was a lot of, it was honestly like the most flattered I have ever been in my life.

It was great. You're slimming down. You're almost an otter country at this point. An otter. Yeah. That's like the, like a less filled out bear. So it's another.

You can float on your back. I can't blow on my back pretty good. But otter, if you're like a bear cub or something instead? I believe the term is otter. Well, it goes cub to bear, but an otter is a hairy twink.

Oh, interesting. Okay, so you're not, you're not, yeah, maybe more like a cub. Yeah,

I'm definitely not a hairy twink, I don't think. I'm not sure. Twink is like, is skinny, right? Generally, yeah. Okay.

Like a Timothy Chalame. Okay, a Twink of the chow. All right, so I'm not a twink at all. No, yeah. Well, no, no, I mean, like, the body hair precludes that. Yeah.

Yeah. But anyway, I was just saying you're looking good. Gabor's... I mentioned just real quick, just wearing on that topic. We had the... I talked about this in the Blank Check podcast when we guessed it. There was a compilation video that someone sent me. Maybe I...

Well, maybe someone in the chat that was the hottest big man of all time and you were in it. Wait, really? Yeah, don't you remember talking about this? Did you ever see this? We talked about it on the podcast? And it's that song, On Eat a Big Boy. Like, that's playing in the background. just dissolves between a bunch of just different, like, yeah, a bunch of different beefy guys and you're in it.

I remember the closing title directed by Nick Wyder. I know, I think I do, I, I, this now is ringing a bell. Gaborz was saying the other day that he is like a unicorn in the bear community because it big, he's a chunky guy and he has a beard, but he doesn't grow chest tear. Yeah, he's not, the, tearless torso. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is like, that's like the unicorn. Interesting. I mean, I guess I guess, you know, all types are desired, which is, which is nice. Wait, we know that it is a sexualized restaurant, but do you legit stand by the, you think the wings are legit?

I think the food's great and I think the girls are absolute smoke shows. It is true. They are. I love the vibes, man. I think it's just, I just love the vibes. And I think it's cool that they're dressed that way. And I do think, you know, obviously they should, if they don't feel like dressing that way, they should be allowed to dress like an owl. I love that.

Or something like that. But they still have to be hot babes underneath the owl car. I like this rule. It'd be nice sometimes because you think like, oh, we're in the owl section. Yeah. An owl this time. And then the owl goes on break and then like, you know, you bring this woman and the Daisy do. That is.

Exactly. Well, it's funny to be like, would you rather sit in like the owl section or the human section? Choose the owl. section. We say in unison. Yeah. But no, I like genuinely like it. I went to Hooters on graduation day in high school by just, that's where we ended up. I love it. I would go to Hooters all the time in LA. And it's really sad that it's gone. I know the original owners bought it back. Yeah. Oh, did they really? They bought it back now from, that's, to me, like, we were just talking about how the Odyssey isn't horny enough. Yeah. I do think there's a bit of our society has become less horny and there's a little bit of pearl clutching in a way.

I mean, I'm with you. You don't know, like, I don't want anyone to be forced to dress the way, but I'm like, I liked that the horny restaurant existed for people who want to go to it. Why not? It's fun. It felt like we were like, like, things were pretty chaste for a while, but I think there's been a bit of course correction back towards some horniness. I even like just just thinking Nolan, like even like Oppenheimer is pretty horny. And I was like, oh, the Odyssey, well, that's a, that's a few that seems to invite more horniness. But yet, you know, it was back to kind of his, um, uh, rarely, kind of sexless, uh, aesthetic. Yeah. I still liked it. And shame on Big Daddy for making fun of his ex for working at a hoopers. It's not a big deal.

It's not a big deal. I've been to that Hooters in Toronto where they film that. It's an, another incredible establishment. I was there on my birthday. Wow. And I went to Hooters and saw the Batman. Wow. And it was a good, it was a pretty good birthday.

That sounds pretty fun. The Batman, so wait, the Batman is Robert Pattinson. Right, yeah. What do you think of it? Oh, that's a loaded question. I just didn't say what you think. I thought that it could have been, it could have lost some stuff. Yeah, same, yeah.

I do think he's a cool looking Batman. He's a cool looking Batman. But a three-hour runtime is a lot for a Batman. For that movie? Yeah, yeah. You just saw the original Batman on a 70-millimeter. That's right, yeah, a lot of fun. That was great.

singing that in the theater. With our buddy Ben Rogers. That's right. A little, just the two of us out there. James Adomian was there. How about that? Just randomly? Yeah.

Wow. Just a little bumping. Was he doing impressions all the guys on the camera? Wait, do they get a load of me? He whispers it to himself. Okay, so you're like, but I want to drill down here's a little bit more because you're talking wings. But like, what's your, what's your, what's, what's, what's,

What sauces are you going with? Only buffalo. Only buffalo sauce. Hot. Hot. Hot. And I, Buffalo Wings has been my favorite food since Batman forever, whenever that was. Wow.

There's a Batman connection going on. There is. My dad took me and my brother and his friend Drew to see Batman Forever. And before we went to see to a restaurant called Wings, which was this football player, Alabama football player named Bob Baumhauer, I think is his name. He owned this restaurant in Birmingham. And I remember, I was like, wings, I don't want that. Like, I want a cheeseburger or hot dog or something.

I was six. And I remember smelling Buffalo wings for the first time. And, like, seeing all the sports memorabilia and being like, oh, my God, I think I love it here. And then my dad, or my brother's friend, Drew, was like, this is what you should get because he loved Buffalo wings. he was probably 13 and drew and so he ordered like medium or mild wings for me and drew got 9-1-1 wings and he had to go to the bathroom and like washes he it like ruined the movie for him but uh afterwards but uh i remember tasting them and they're like the super uh is it like vinegary kind of vibe wings and i just like blew me away curly fries celery

I think it might have been the first time I ever like willingly ate celery Oh yeah 100 Yes Celery and that's a revelation Since 9-1-1-1 wings You'll never forget Once you have that spicy level

That explains why We're not as easy with a buffalo wild wings A coach person for so long Veggie is notably absent From our wing order today And I will say I was a little surprised Like oh we didn't get any celery We don't get any carrots

Maybe it was the thing we had A checkbox we had to fill out or something like that. But either way, I feel like it should be included by default. Yeah. And you are right. Like,

like, that's a thing, because I've met a hooters in a while, probably since the pandemic. I forget about their curly fries, but their curly fries are fun. Yeah. I just, I was scrolling because I found,

I've talked about it before, but I remember the first time I saw Buffalo Wings and they were like new, it was like a new food. To me, and this is like the 80s or whatever, but it was that sort of thing. If they weren't everywhere,

and we went to Bobby Burns Pub in Cape Cod. and I had a buffalo wing and it was like, it was like, what is, what is this new food? And it's always been up there for me too. I love a good. Yeah, that's how it felt to me too. Just totally fresh food.

And what a night. Batman Forever and Buffalo wings. I mean, that's a fantastic night. And also, do you think you'll ever again, like the idea of, like the idea of Buffalo being like, you know, like eight or nine or ten or whatever. and Buffalo Wings being new to you, do you think that there will ever be a food like that again

that's like as big as Buffalo got? You know what I'm saying? Because Buffalo Wing, Buffalo Wings explode. They got huge. It's gigantic. They got big and they become to pizza, what fries are to burgers. It's like there's a natural pairing there.

I can't wait for you to see my comedy special. I have a joke that is exactly that. Okay. And then Hooters is in, like Hooters let me film post. Like, there's a video. of me in front of a hooters while I'm telling this joke but it is you're totally right yeah like the bit it was a dare that my friends dared me to do right before we started filming my friend CJ who like came up with the sort of first line but uh but it was exactly that it's it's like

about how pizza sort of introduced us to buffalo wings in a big way and that um buffalo wings became really successful and started they started their own solo project and after pizza was so loyal to them you would and Buffalo wings blew up you'd think they would bring pizza along with them but instead

they bring French fries but French fries is not your friend Buffaloings French fries is burgers friend and that's kind of the idea of the joke it's a bad joke but it's well argue it's a dare for anybody who's watching just know that my friends dared me to

do it and I tried to take it out of my special twice and both times before you gotta put the Buffalo Wings joke back. I also, I wonder if you're, if you will remember this as well, but you're, I know you'll remember this. Remember the dominant when they got Buffalo Wings? It's like, got to be

gotta be Domino's Buffalo Wings. That was like, that was like, that was the chain introduction I feel like of Buffalo Wings. And of course Pizza Hut had Wing Street, which was a separate sub-label, which I don't know if that's, if Wing Street is still going. And I don't think they started with Wing Street, right? They got, because, I mean, Domino's to me was the first big chain place that had wing, right? Like, I don't know the, I can't speak with authority of the order of when the major change got. I remember both of them at kind of at the same time, but Pizza's Buffalo Wings were different. Wing Street was its own thing, I think. Yes. And then they combined. That swept in there. Kind of similar to what happened with the part of the chain we're discussing today. Let's talk Alabama more generally. We were recently talking white sauces on the Patreon.

I'm curious your thoughts on Alabama white sauce. Are you a fan? Don't have any opinion? I don't like a white sauce. Not in general. Wow. Yeah. And so that is.

Not even a Taziki or anything like that. Wow. Alfredo. I like that. If it's cheese based, I'm into it. But I, uh, yeah, so the Alabama white sauce, I was just looking at this the other day because Clay, my friend Clay Tatum got a bunch of it. And, uh, yeah, I just.

I missed it somehow. So I don't have much of an opinion on that. But I do like prefer like Alabama barbecue sauces and and my favorite white sauce thing that is down there is like the Tex-Mex casso at Mexican restaurants. It's that white soup. Yeah. Yeah. Cato's really fun. Yeah.

And I do like a white queso. You're like, well, what is the, I guess, a yellow queso? Yeah, there ones with a yellow. Lower hue, I think. Okay. But I guess it generally tends to be a little more white. I don't mean to call you out on this, but there's not that big of a... It's fine.

It's not... It's very different, man. And when I came to L.A. and went to these real Mexican restaurants, I was like, can I get some queso? And they'd be like, what are you talking about? I'm like, the white bowl of, like, the white cheese dip in there. Like, we don't do that. It's Tex-Mex. And it's great, though.

It is good. I like it quite. I like it. I like... It's funny because I like a cheese sauce, too, but I'm not crazy about... I like salsa, straight up salsa, over a guac and over a queso.

Interesting. When we had some, we went to, what was it called? Salazar. And we had ourselves a little team lunch and did some business. I will say that that's a local L.A. eatery in the Frogtown neighborhood.

I think if I'm ranking them, yeah, I would probably say salsa number one. Yeah, because I mean, just like salsa, has so much utility and also there's so many different varietals of salsa. When people hear Frogtown, just to let them know, like, the Warner Brothers Frog lives over there. Kermit lives in that part of town.

Yes, right. The Battletoads. The Battletoads. They're kind of all clustered there. Frogtown, the name signifies the population. Froggy from Lil Rascals. Frog from Little Rascals is there. Of course, Kermit's little nephew.

Baby frog. Baby frog is there. Right, that one. Robin. Robin. Of course, Robin. I told them Robin. I told them today his name is Robin. That's so weird. Why is his name Robin? I don't know. And he thinks that Robin should be a different color than Kermin, which doesn't make sense. We can't relitigate this. It is. I think you're right. It's like how the Ninja Turtles were just slightly different colors. But that's the banner. By the way, were they important to you? Were the turtles important to you? Yeah. Same. I love those guys. Absolutely those guys. And they loved pizza. You never saw, we never got to see the turtles.

eating wings. Interaction with wings. You would think that they would. 100%. They love pizza. They love pizza and they eat like anchovies and stuff like that. So they do eat.

I'd feel like they could eat chicken. I wonder, is it like, does it start to get too tangible that they're animals eating another animal? That's what I was thinking. If you're seeing a bone, maybe something changes. Oh, that's true.

But also, were wings even really popping off in the late 80s, early 90s? It feels like it wasn't really until 1994. It feels like that, I feel like that Batman Forever line might be the line, honestly. But it does feel like the turtles now forever IP, you know, and I like the most recent Ninja Turtles movie. I thought that was a lot of fun. I don't think they were eating wings in that one.

They should dabble with it and just have him have a non-distinct bone that he should maybe like non-non or like. That would feel very, you know, the, the, as things get more grounded in these cartoon movies, I would love to see them just eating one buffalo wing. it would really be more realistic to me. It would be on one of the turtles wants wings. Yeah. And also, I would love to have puppet turtles again. You know how I feel about this. I love those puppet turtles.

They looked great. But I thought they looked, I thought the animation style and the new one was a lot of cool. I'm happy they switched it up and did that. I thought it looked good too. But I would also like Ariel, I.O. who plays Ariel, Ariel, or not Ariel, April. April. April, I would like for the next one for her to be smoking hot. That would be great.

How she was when we were kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because in the first one, she's kind of a dork. The next one, I want her to be like, like, what the hell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want some of these kids to get their first boners in this thing. She grew up. She filled out.

Yeah, exactly. Wow, she's a, April's sort of a long-legged legend. She gets a job at Hooters and not in the owl section. Can we look up some famous frogs? I just want to make sure we can't tell you how happy I'll be if I go into the next Ninja Turtles and April has had a glow up. This is what I want more than anything. Great. Yeah.

By the way, speaking of movies, I can say this. Civil Dead, the year it came out, one of my favorite comedy movies. You and Clay made that movie together. Thanks, so cool. So funny. So great. And if you haven't seen it, Doe Boys listeners, do yourselves a favor. And you get it.

Watch it on Paramount Plus or on Rent it. Rent it. Rented. Buy the damn thing. By the damn thing. Why not? Pepe the Frog. Heppe the Frog lives in Frogtown.

Michigan J. Frog. Of course, Michigan J. Frogger lives in Frogger Town. Frogger. Slipper. Oh, Frogger. Of course, Frogger. And Slipper. So how can we forget those video game legends Slippy Toad?

I think Frogger moved to Texas with Joe Rogan. Frogger, yeah. Frogger is there in Austin now. He's an Austin guy. My favorite. Frog and Toad. Of course, Frog and Toad. What the fuck is this guy?

That's a old cartoon. Yeah, it's an old children's... Oh, I remember those. They look very distinguished. Is that what it is? Very distinguished. And separately, of course, Mr. Toad lives there. Oh, yeah.

And he's just... He should be taking some Waymo's home. He moved there because of the drinking and driving. They're way more lax on drinking and driving. They're very leery. The Frogtown neighborhood. Frogger got up at Kill Tony's Comedy Club. the other night.

Oh, man. It was hard because he had to go after a dude who had a physical disability who killed. Which is, if you're waiting in line at killed Tony and you see someone with a physical disability, you might as well go home before the night. God damn it. Right. They're going to be vulnerable up there and probably have some good jokes that have been thinking about their whole life. And I'm going to go and try to talk about tender. But you could lean into being a frog, I think, at that point.

Oh, you're right. You have your own experience. It's funny. I saw two cars in the parking lot. One said, I roast. It was a vanity plate. And the other one said, I hop. And then there's a parenthetical on a license plate frame that said, like, not the pancakes.

Not the restaurant. I have a question for you that's specific to ordering in a restaurant with a name Whitmer, which is a cool name. And I like like I I know you can short it to wit, but what name do you use when you put in a food or drink order? Like to use your own name or? I do. I'll even sometimes say Alex, my middle name. Oh, there you go. Because nobody knows what the hell I'm saying when I say Whitmer or wit.

People will go what and I say wit and they go, I'm asking you what your name is because they think I'm saying what. Sure, yes. And then when I say Whitmer, they especially if they read it, they panic. Nobody, I'd say 90% of the people don't know how to say it. And then most of the time, if it says Whitmer Thomas on something, people will call me Thomas. Like every hotel. They think it's like the old school. Your surname is first.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I've switched it around. And like most of the time when I check in at a hotel, you know, it'll be like, hey, Nick on the TV. It'll sometimes say it. Mine always says, hey, Thomas. Oh, man. That's wild.

And I'll often have to say like when I have an, I'm at like a doctor's office. I'll see the paperwork sometimes. And it'll say Thomas Whitmer on it. And I have to go, guys just saying, though, my first name is Whitmer. And that's even like professional kind of. Yeah. So at a restaurant, I'll say any, I'll say wit. And then if they say what, I say Alex.

That's, so Whitmer. Alex Thomas. Whitmer Alexander Thomas. Whitmer Alexander Thomas is a great. That's a great. That's a big, beautiful name. It's like a president's name. It is.

It is. Thanks. What happened with your, with your ring camera over there, Mitch. The ring camera went off and my mom called at the same exact time. Okay. What's going on? At your house.

Good question. That would be a surprise. That would be a surprise. Yeah. Oh, let's see here. Was this, was, is this cat related? Did you get a delivery? What happened?

No, a random person in my backyard. It's fine. But I told you, I've changed my ring so that it barely goes off. This is a... You haven't heard it in forever. It's true. It hasn't happened in a long time. But, um...

Mitch, to be clear, I don't care. But it's, it's fine. They do care. What's your address? Actually, don't prompt him because he gave out his old address on the podcast. It's true. So, like, he will do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then people left stuff at my door. That's, that's... That's nice. And then you ate and drank it. I didn't, you told me not to drink one of them. Yeah. One of them. The bottle with a question mark on it.

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So your fandom of, obviously, like as you were saying, the workers there are smoke shows and God bless. some, but your fandom of Hooters is so based in the quality of the wings. Yeah. So have you frequented, because I've never been to another breast drawn. I'm open to it, but I've never been to like a twin peaks or what's a tilted kilt, you know, something other. I've never been to any of the other ones.

Yeah. Has anyone in here been to one of those? No. Yeah. No. I mean, Hooters takes the cake, best aesthetics and logo. And they switched their logo. They updated it and nobody liked it.

They went back to the original. which I really appreciate. It's kind of singular. It's kind of an institution. You do think of like, shouldn't that be a place that always succeeds? Like how does Hooters, how can that be mismanaged?

How can that go out of business? Because like, isn't that a very like American sort of thing? Hey, it's a sports bar with, you know, some eye candy and wings and, you know, alcohol. Like, isn't that what something? Isn't that just like it feels like a national cuisine? I think you're right. I don't. Well, I think there was a time when maybe people were going,

I don't know if it's the best time to be going to Hooters. Right, perhaps a little bit of a little prudishness and then combined with the pandemic obviously. Yeah. And I know around 2018, 2018, the Hooters in Burbank, which is the one we'd go to the most, the quality started to drop so hard. And I remember one time we went and they didn't have cups. That's right.

Yeah, that's, that's, that is. Order to Coke or Pepsi in there. Like, we don't have cups right now. Yeah, you got to have cups. That's bad. You need to have cups If you're a restaurant You got to have cups

You need to have cops Honestly if you're any business That's a beverage You have to have some container That's true You can serve the beverage in That's true Liquid I mean because it's liquid

I'll just say like I'm drinking a nature Well smoothie right now Which I'm having And thank you to Amelia for bringing this up To mitigate the damage we've done To our digestive tracks You in mitigation You keep saying he wants to mitigate the damage

Besides He says it over and over again What a mediation. Beside that point aside, it isn't a cup. And where would I be without this? Well, you could put it in a bag. I could put it in a bag. It could be a little cluel in a clums in.

That is true, actually. Yeah. So I guess milk is, like, like a bag is a fine option if you don't have a cup. Ideally, it would be a cup. Ideally, it should be a cup. Yeah, your hand would be, I guess it would, your hand would be covered. I'm just trying to think of some, if you didn't have a container, you know, your hand would be wet, I guess. And it probably just wouldn't be drinking it.

Yeah. It'd be everywhere. Yeah, I guess it would be at the place they made it. It would be on the floor. The point is, the point is, you need cups. But back then they would still sit next to you whenever they would take your order. And they don't do that anymore, which I think is for the best. Yeah.

Yeah, there's probably, yeah, there's probably some guys who could not handle that. Haven't you ever that happen at non-Hooters restaurants too? Don't you feel like sometimes that would be like a server move just to sit down next to you or sit down with someone next to someone in your party. Sure. I feel like I've seen that happen. But yes, you're right. It was kind of like a hooter's signature thing.

They sit next to you. They write their name down and their special little font on the ticket. That's cute. I like that. Yeah. And I tip them 140% no matter what. Fall in love. Do you have a wing spot out here?

Yeah. So I don't want to blow it up. Out of it up. You gotta come. Well, I'll say the best wings, other than ye rustic in is great. You know, I think everybody always talks about that. We saw it ran into each other there not long ago. We did.

And also, by the way, they kind of turned it into a horny place. Is that fair to say? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. It's got a bit of a, like, diving horny vibe. Yeah, yeah.

There's a good chance you'll see the most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life crying in the kitchen. Yeah. Someone just told me that the wings took a little dive, and I believe that person is Amelia. No way. Me? Didn't you say that you got a cold wing? No. Someone went and they had a new fry cook, and the wings were, and the wings had suffered.

Not ideal. Well, they know what they have there because they'll make you wait an hour. That's true. Yeah. And on Super Bowl Sunday, they will charge you $60 for like 12 wings. Yeah. It's bonkers. It's out of control.

Well, my favorite new wings in L.A. are at high tops. Oh, okay, yeah. And they have a great special night of the week that I go there. I don't want to say when it is, but... Don't say it. Everybody here, you gotta come. I would love to. It is, it seems like a little secret right now.

And let's just say, I've eaten 40 wings there in one night. A lot of wings. That's pretty good. I mean, they really hit the spot. I'm loving these high tops wings. So at one point, we did a chicken nugget power hour. By the way, I've texted my mom that everything that I just said hello. I just text, I texted.

I text to my mom. Sometimes you got text to my mom when she calls you. Sometimes you get a texture, yeah. We did a chicken nugget power hour, Nick and I, where we were supposed to eat one nugget every minute. And you and I. For one hour. For one hour.

And you tapped out like 20 or 30? I tapped out maybe less than halfway. I got really full. I'm not great at eating eating contests. I just like get full, weirdly fast. We did it with Gaborson.

He ate 62. He did more than you had to. Yes. And then I did, I was like around close to 50. I was like 47 or 48 or something like that. You got up there. I got up there.

But 40 wings makes me feel like you could easily do. Well, a lot of wings. Yeah, I've done 50 easy. I mean, we call it going and clean. Yeah.

A lot of us will go and clean, which means we haven't had any solid food all day. and we will be ready to eat 50 wings. You mentioned your white sauce skepticism. Does that preclude, like, dip in your buffalo wing in ranch or blue cheese? Yes. Wow. I like, I don't want to complicate the wings.

And if I have to add another sauce onto them, then in my opinion, that is not, that buffalo wing does not stand on its own. Yeah. Are you ever fucking with, like, a dry rub? I mean, sure, but I don't count that as Buffalo Wing. You're thinking specifically Buffalo Wing. Because wings, like a place like Wingstop or Buffalo Wild Wings has generalized it to like, hey, we have 30 different sauces. And maybe like five or six of them are Buffalo. But the rest are like, you know, whatever, like a Korean barbecue or, you know.

I love all sort of chicken wings. Sure. But Buffalo Wings is the move. And I do get a little bit frustrated when a friend, I'll be like, I'm Buffalo. is my favorite and they'll go like, oh, have you tried this Korean spot? And I said, I didn't say anything about Korean wings. I'm talking about buffalo wings. Because because it's serious about it.

Linguistics is, you know, is descriptive, not prescriptive. And it feels like the, there's kind of been a Kleenex sort of thing where it's like now, now Buffalo wings, people just mean that to refer to like any sort of wing that has a sauce in it. And so people are like, oh, like, oh, yeah, I love buffalo wings. I love lemon pepper. And it's just like, that is orthogonal to the concept of a Buffalo wings. I do you like a dry rub? I do like a dry rub, yeah. No, one of my favorite...

I had a dry rub this week. Yeah. I was out of Nivia. Nivia, all right. This twisted metal rosidules are paying off pretty well. Damn. Is that good lotion? I went to, I do, like, like, the B-dubs.

Like, Desert Heat is, like, one of my favorite, you know, like, spice options they had there. And that's a good dry rub. and then they've like, you know, I do like lemon pepper, which I know is polarizing, but I like lemon pepper. I think it's fun. I love it. And if I go to Wingstop, I'll get lemon pepper or the garlic something because I don't like the buffalo. Carmesan, I think. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't like the Buffalo flavor there. So I'll get something else. So I'm a bit of a heat seeker. Are you, like, how spicy are you going? With Buffalo wings, I don't, I love spicy food, but with Buffalo wings, I don't like to get crazy spicy. because I want to eat a lot of them. Sure.

And so I will usually go, I'll always ask. Like, at Ye Rustic in, I get hot. But some places, hot is way hotter. Yeah. I like Ye Rustics hot. It's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not, I'm not, I'm not, that's, it's really, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not trying to impress anyone. at this point. Right.

You know, I just want to like a little bit of a burn. Yeah. So, yeah, if they've got like the whatever, like the Diablo or the blazon or whatever the fuck they call their, they're, you know, the Howlin one. I'm just like, I'm opting out of that. Yeah. Give me the hot or maybe one level above. I feel like that was the closest I ever got to dying from food was doing Howling, Howlin

Plus at Howland Ray. Like it did almost, I think it almost killed me. Yeah, they're not fun around there. I mean, and I love Holland. I think Holland Ray is very good. Local, local chicken. spot in life. I just, I, like, we got, as like a group, we got the Halloween Plus and I was like eating it. I could, I could eat it. It was like, hot. And I was like, oh, it was really

spicy. But then the next two days, like, I thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to die. That's why, you know, one thing that sucks about aging and the Solicame game of time is just like your body can handle, can take less damage. And I really feel it internally when I have something super spicy these days, which is a bummer. Yeah, I mean, I think my, now with spice, I'd prefer it to be in like a soup or a curry or, you know, ramen or I load up fah with with, um, siracha. And that's just my ideal spice now. I don't care as much about it on chicken or, or anything like that. But, uh, yeah.

Yeah, I think there's a certain level I never have to, I never have to go above again, except probably for this podcast where we do something where we have to eat something spicy at some. Yes. on some stupid fucking episode that we do or whatever, or some challenge, the spice, whatever, the spice double or whatever. We don't have to do that to ourselves.

We can choose not to do that. That's true, but they want it. They do want it. I don't think they want it. I think they want it. I think they want it. I don't think they want us to punish ourselves.

I don't think we have to do that for content. Do you think you have any jackass and doughboys crossover? I mean, in terms of fandom? Yeah. You must. You know, so much,

I mean, I think all the jackass guys watch, I've watched the podcast. You gotta get Bam on here. What did it? Oh, man. You know, I think I, I, honestly, I think is a little bit of the missing ingredient in the, in the region. Absolutely.

You need, you need band. Well, Jack is about friends. It is about friends. The end of the day. And if you're missing a friend, I'm sure there's some sort of, we are missing a huge part of that story and why he's not a part of it. Yeah. But it's just, if you can't have all the guys, don't do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel the same way. I wouldn't do doughboys with just Mike Mitchell unless we do do that when I go to Scotland. Yeah, you could buy me out and we could arrange that. I'd be open to that. Me and Bam? Yeah, I don't mean, I don't care at that point as long as I'm getting my percentage. We'll figure it out.

Who would be the best, who would be the best jackass guy to host with? We Man's pretty cool. We Man likes food a lot. Okay, yeah, that's right. He has chronic tacos. I'm going to be, you know, this is a point of return, point in a return. like very obvious answer. You need a driver.

Because that's not going to be you. So you need a driver and the closest, the person who's going to, most always they do that is Knoxville. I think he's a guy who could actually, who can host the show. All right, all right. It's Knoxville.

Yeah. Nothing against those other guys. Nothing against you. Here's, let's talk wings some more. Like, is, is the wing your favorite, like, chicken part? Because I would say, like, as much as I love,

like, Buffalo wings, I still would rather have a thigh in most cases. and a second barrel to this question, when it comes to wings, are you a flat guy or a drums guy? I'm a flats guy. Okay. And the wing is my favorite part.

Mitchie. Even if it's not Buffalo or anything like, you know. I'm a drums guy. I'm a drums guy. I also like flats. So I'm team flats. But I mean, I think like both of them to be clear. I don't want just, I don't want all flats.

A crispy flat for me. is just the best. Delightful. Yeah. When it cooked, yeah, cooked perfectly. I think that, I think like breaking the bones apart and getting in there, which I know you like, you like that, you like being like a cyclops. You like the, you like the idea of like ripping the bone, like you like that. Yeah, you don't want to think about it too intensely because then you start to be, like, this is a thing we've talked about on the podcast before, but you start to think of, you're in the course of eating 40 to 50 wings.

How many souls am I consumed? Right. How many chickens? Yeah. Yeah. And that starts, that math starts to. fuck you up, but, uh, or maybe it doesn't, but, like, like, I, I do like the act of like disassembling it. I do like the act of like bone scraping, you know, like just getting as much meat.

You don't, if we weren't eating wings all the time, who knows what other kind of fucked up shit we'd be doing. That's a great. That's true. It's scratching an it. I don't think I had until I just, just now I realize. I agree. I agree. Tearing apart the chicken is helpful for us. It's our animal instincts. Like Jeffrey Dahmer, if he never would have stopped picking up roadkill with his dad, maybe he would have not done all that stuff. Just get Dommer a big bowl of buffalo wings. I think he would have been fine. You'd be hanging with the boys.

Yeah. He would be a driver. Yeah, he would be my driver. He would. He was perfect. Do you have, just because you mentioned the Odyssey again, if we're talking about our fates you could have, like, I'm going to be one of Odysseus's men who is going to only survive part of this mission.

I will not be returning. a home to Ithaca. Are you, like, like, your options are eaten by the cyclops, turned into a pig, lured, uh,

I guess eaten by the, the skilla, how do you say it? Silla? The Scylla? The skila? Eating by the skilah. Or, um,

uh, I guess lured by the sirens to the island. Like where, like where do you land? The siren seems pretty, it's like going to the ultimate hooters. Who knows what's happening there on that island, though? Yeah.

Are they getting, kiss to death? That's... That to me. That don't sound so bad. There's worse ways to go. Is it a death by snoo-s-s-situation? That changes the equation.

But I don't know, I feel like you're... What is that from? Death by Snoo-Snew-Snew. I feel like that's an old... It's on Fusurama as well. Oh, it's Fusurama. I was thinking death by Smoochie. There's something nice about being smooch to death.

Just de-sexualize it. Just get a bunch of kisses. I wouldn't do the... pig the I wouldn't if around that soup I'd go

I don't know what's the deal with this I don't like that the soup I don't like tricking people with soup

I'm gonna go on the record there I don't like that I don't like that she she was a bit of a Cosby what's her name

oh yeah Samantha Morgan Cosby yeah Hot Cosby every guy's weakness is hot Cosby hot Cosby

yeah Yeah, man, you got to watch out. That's, I, I, I, but also I'm like, being a pig might not be too, like, as opposed to getting eaten, I think I would, but maybe she's going to eat you as a pig. I think eventually you're getting turned into more soup. Like, I think that's, that's your fate. But here's what I'll say. The soup, like, doesn't look good, but those guys sure are enjoying the shit out of that. Yeah.

They're having fun. They're sucking on those tendons or something. Right. Yeah. I'm not a big tending guy, so I don't know. know if I would, I don't know if that would be, I maybe would pass on the soup possibly. Yeah, and but I would also be like, you can do whatever one of these guys, I won't say nothing. I know that I would do that.

You would have just said if you were, if you, if you were Matt, if you're, uh, how do you say his name? Odysseus. There is, Ulysses is the, uh, the other guy, the Roman, the translation. If you were Odysseus, you would just be like, I'm, I, well, no, if I, if I, if I, if I, Odysseus is different. If it was like, the three of us. Yeah. And we all went up there. She's like, here's some soup.

And I was, like, sitting there with the soup, not quite eating it. And you all started sucking it down. And then she started turning you into pigs and looking at me, like, I'm going to kill you or something. I'd be like, I'm just not going to say anything about these two guys. If you want to turn them into pigs, it's fine. I'm going to roll out of here in a little bit. You want to take pig us with you? I would hope that you would just bring us with you.

Oh, maybe I'd do that. But, like, I'm convinced I could get her to be my friend. Yeah. Or, like, that's how I feel about Chuckie. Every time I see Chuckie and he's trying to chase people around and kill him, I'm like, I can get him to be my friend. Or scream guy? Scream guy is pretty funny.

You picked also two guys who are pretty, Chuckie's pretty funny. Yeah. And you're very funny. I feel like you guys could bond over jokes and humor and stuff like that. And he does it. He sort of talks like Jack Nicholson.

Yes, he does. Which I like a lot. So, yeah. I think you could win over, depending on who's scream guy is, that's the thing. Is it changes to whatever? Who's annoyed at you, basically? Well, and is it scary movie guy?

because that's a different thing. Scary movie guy, you could definitely. You could definitely before it. But don't get him too high because if he gets too high, he's going to wrap and then accidentally stab you. We know this from Scary Movie 1. When his face is going to change with his tongue sticking out, and I'll be, at that point I'll be laughing so hard that I won't even be able to talk and make friends with the guy.

Yeah. And then at that point, you might as well kill me because you reach the peak. I'm going to laugh myself to death. I think for me, I would get eaten by the Cyclops is quick. at least. I think the big tall guys that killed you maybe would be the worst. Oh, the tall guys, yeah. It feels like they're going to kill. I choose, I would get kissed. I think I would get smooched to death. You take the sirens. I take the sirens. I, uh, yeah. I think, I think ultimately it's the

horniest option. Because even if you don't really know what's going to happen there, that's what the sirens are using to trick you. It's like, is like, hey, we got a nice long. Come on over here. See what's up, you know? So I think there's just enough intrigue for it to be like, yeah, fuck. Let me see what's on that island at least. Who are we kidding? I'd be trying to fuck Odysseus' His wife. I'd be at the fucking... Well, that's what I was gonna say. I'd be one of those guys.

Might kill me at the end. Yeah, he would definitely... I mean... Or no. The guys who've been down, who like kneel to him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be doing that. I'd be doing that.

That's ideal. He'd be really mad at me for a minute, but I'm going to kneel to you. I was trying to fuck Penelope for the last 20 years, and I'm sorry. Now you're back and it's fine. A bunch of your food. Drink a bunch of your wine. And you know what? This ultimately your house, your rules.

And also, by the way, Odysseus, you're getting a little, he's gone for really long time. It's a long time. It's a long time. We could, like, you know. Sir, I have bullied your son. So harsh. And I am sorry.

Mean to your dog. Mean to your mentor. I'm just in general. Like, I fucked up. Like, you're back, and I know this is, like, kind of your thing. And I'm just like, let's just make it work. The doughboys are good at eating crows.

row. I feel like we would be fine in this situation. I would kneel so, I would kneel immediately. You could humble myself so bad. As soon as the door is closed. All right. I'm out of you. I'm out of here. Let's talk about Fat Burger slash Buffalo Express. So Fat Burger was founded in 1947 in Los Angeles by Lovey Yancy.

I have 157 locations worldwide, mostly in the U.S. and Canada. Lovey Ansi started the business as Mr. Fatburger. I like this lore. with her husband, then they divorced, and she dropped the mister. It was cleaner. Isn't that kind of fun? It's just like, I dropped my mister.

I'm dropping the mister from Fat Burger. Now it's just Fat Burger. I like that. I like that. That's good. So separately, Buffalo's Cafe was founded in Roswell, Georgia in 1985. It is not a hooters in terms of it being a restaurant, as far as my knowledge, but it is a sports bar and restaurant that serves a Buffalo Wings.

And so that is existing. that is operating separately, 18 years pass, 2003 Fat Burger's parent company Fat Brands Acquires Buffalo's Cafe and its affiliated brand Buffalo Express. And then Fat Brand starts taking Buffalo's Express and co-branding them with Fat Burgers. So now there's a bunch of co-branded Fat Burger Buffalo's Express locations akin to like a KFC Pizza Hut, where you can get both Fat Burgers and you can get Buffalo Wings. I mentioned Twin Peaks. Fat Burger owns Twin Peaks.

They also own hot dog and a stick, Johnny Rockets, Marble Slab Creamery, and Roundtable Pizza, among others. So there's a big portfolio. I'm going to say, this is a fun group of underdogs. It's not really a miss in there, my opinion. What is the football, the movie with the football team? Little Giants. I guess the Little Giants is a good way to put it, but when they're over.

Replacements. The replacements. This is a bit of a replacement. The bit of replacement. I like that. I genuinely kind of like all of those. And they don't seem too evil like all the other places we talk about. Yeah, I don't know.

Like comparatively. There's always some evil involved in these. But like I have a lot of affection for Fat Burger because it's from SoCal. And, you know, it's like really neighborhood specific in terms of which are the good fat burgers, which are the, you know, the less stellar fat burgers. But also like. One of the more iconic ones is this one here over on the sunset bent or close to. What street is it on there?

It's by like the... It's like the... Hillhurst, Sunset, Hollywood. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. Vermont or whatever that is. Where sunset is right there.

But it's like you can't... Like, I don't want to call it like... Because In and Out Burger is working class. And Fat Burger's oftentimes more expensive than In Out Burger. But it is kind of like... There's also Tommy's Burger. I feel like those three all kind of operate in concert. They're all from L.A.

And they all are like... It's weird that... Everyone has their own affiliation. It does feel like the most high standard. when maybe it is the cheapest. It might actually be the cheapest, and it's certainly the most consistent. Sure.

But Fat Burger, you can really, like, it's in the name. You can get really, really, like, a fucking sloppy overloaded burger, and that has its own charm. And I'll be honest, I'd never fuck with the wings before. But the wings said menu...

I actually had a... Ice Cube back in the day had, you know, today was a good day, would be different, possibly. If the, you know, I actually had the lyrics here. Are you, are you much of a 90s hip-hop fan?

I know this song. This is the ice cube. It was a good day. No helicopter looking for a murder. Two in the morning got the fat burger. And some wings, maybe. And Buffalo. Buffalo Express. He's a little clumsier. It has been a big of a hit. Maybe not. Reference in two other notable rap songs on opposite sides of the East Coast, West Coast hip-hop beef. Tupac in late night, the club be popping so I'm stopping at the fat burger. Look through the paper. It's another black crack murder. Kind of ends on a down note there. Notorious B-I-G.

I like the day that Ice Cube is having more than the day Tupac is having a It seems like he fucked around and got a triple double. It seems like things are going pretty good for him. Notorious B-I-G going back to Cali, frequently floss hoes at Roscoes, another L.A. institution started in Long Beach. Floss-hoes at Roscoes, that's nice. Does that mean have sex with them at Roscoes? I'll continue on.

If I want a squirter, take her to fat burger. Yeah, I know that. That's pretty lewd. But in that regard, he's talking about someone who gets diarrhea and shit. I think they'll have to be. Because I don't see how you draw a line from indulging in fat burger to orgasmic pleasure later in the evening. I think that does refer to diarrhea. Yeah.

Does that, is that really what it means? I don't think that, I mean, I don't think that's as intent, but, you know, it's not always up to the author, how it's interpreted. Sure. As we've learned from The Odyssey, right? Homer had nothing to say with Nolan's interpretation. And the translator hates it. She sure does. She really doesn't like it.

So had anyone had the Buffalo wings? And I feel like I'm going to be called a liar here because I bet on a previous Fat Burger episode, like we did it in 2023 with Randioghan. It's totally possible that we ordered some wings and I'm just memory-holing it. We maybe have gotten the wings specifically. I don't think we specifically have done this. I don't think we have. I don't think we have. Millie pulled up the orders from the last time we did Fat Burger yesterday.

I don't think there has any wings on there. Yeah, I think it's all burgers and fries. Before we get into the wings, can I just talk about the burger first? Please. We did, Wick got a burger or I got a burger. Amelia, you got a burger. And you gave me half of your burger. Is that what I was eating?

Yes. Okay. I got the original fat burger with cheese, and I got the works on it. And I do, and I, we've talked about this before when I ate keto, or as Paul Russ said, ate Cheeto. Very fun. I would get In-N-Out Burger. And it was like the places that had good actual beef patties, the ones that I wanted to go to,

In-N-Out Burger was like number one. It was great. But Fat Burger, I'd get like the XL Fat Burger, and the patty was fantastic. And Wendy's was actually probably third place. Wendy's was not bad. What you're getting at In-N-Out burger is quality and precision. What you're getting at Fat Burger is pure indulgence.

You're getting just like, like it's maximalism. But the patty was good. Patty's good. It's good quality meat. So I got this with the works, the cheese today. What did you think of your burger? I thought it's great. Yeah.

I forgot to put cheese on mine. Yeah. And at first I was like, oh, man, I forgot to get cheese. I guess it's too bad. And then I ate it fucking awesome. I haven't had just like a hamburger in years. And I was like, this might be the fucking move from here on out. Emburgers are good.

Yeah. I mean, it's. That's what I can't remember last time I got like a McDonald's hamburger. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't let it. like stuff on anything, like sauces and stuff.

No, I know, I know yours was plain. You had like a wimpy style like bun and burger basically, bun and meat. And you know, maybe I would have put ketchup on it or something, but I just kind of like to be bothered with that kind of stuff. So I don't.

And sometimes I'll get a crazy cheeseburger with like avocado and an egg and bacon and onions and all that stuff, but man. That's a lot, especially when you get to the eggs. Like egg and bacon, I'm not usually doing on a burger, unless it's at a restaurant where it's like, this is what you get on it or whatever. I did used to back in the day, I would get egg and sometimes bacon on fat burger just because you could. Sure.

Like, there was a time when an overeasy egg on a burger was an indulgence, then it got played out. And that's a testament to them because it's like they have a little diner and a hot griddle in there and they can do that for you. And it was a place where, like, I'm eating a burger. Like, the yolk is running out of this burger. And that's like, you can't get that on any other drive-through place. And also that was like, like you mentioned it, like, it's a fast food restaurant that has, you know, prices that everyone can afford versus like it felt like the egg on a burger became like a gastropub elevated version of a burglary. The works, Mitch, is just for everyone listening.

White bun with the works, mayo, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, relish, and mustard. So you get all those ingredients. This is the thing that clicked with me on this fat burger thing. I think that relish makes a world of, I know you're not a toppings guy, but the relish on the fat burger makes like a world of difference. It's fun to have relish on there. And you never get relish on any burgers. And I'm like, the relish there is really good. It makes it feel like you got a pickle in every bite.

I love it. I personally love it. Well, because also you get pickles on there too. So you get relish and pickles. You get pickles two ways. But then to me, it like makes it feels like a backyard burger, which is part of the fun of fat burger. Yeah. What, Emily, what was on your burger?

It was just an original fat burger and with no modifications, which means no cheese. Got it. But with the works. This is the thing Burger King does this as well. If you order a Whopper, you get no cheese. You got to get a whopper with cheese, why? And Fat Burger are the same thing. You've got to order with cheese.

And there was an order of fat fries, which is their plumber, like steak fry a version. And then there's also, like, skinny fries. Skinny fries did not travel at all. Neither those fries traveled all that well. I've gotten the fat fries just from Fat Burger, and I love that that's on the menu. And I prefer those fries. I've said this before that people are very mean to steak fries, but when steak fries are well done, they're very, very good. And you know who doesn't well?

Fat Burger and also, E Rustic. There's a great steak fry. Steak fry is not my favorite, but a good execution trumps all. I totally agree with you. And I think the usually ate Fat Burger, I'd generally be a skinny fry. person, but I just... Really? No, but I'm saying in general.

Okay. But at Fat Burger, I feel like the fat fries are usually better. Okay, great. And certainly if you're getting it to go order, they're just more likely to hold up. The skinny fries just got soggy as fuck. Yeah. But neither of these were in all that great shape when we're eating them. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah, the fat fries were, you could eat them. They were just a little... They had the travel. They were a little travel out. Yeah, it's tough. Fries getting delivered or it's hard. It's not an easy podcast.

It's not an easy podcast to do. It's not easy. It's not easy to do this. Going back to notorious BIGs, if I want a squirder-taker at a fat burger, I feel like the thing that usually is making me squirt from there is like they're shakes. And we do not get any shakes because they are so heavy. They're like real ice cream. What makes you squirt?

It means have diarrhea, I guess, is what you're saying? Yeah. He's trying to take the word saying squirt back. He's always saying that. I'm a squirter. He wants to take squirt back. Dude, no one. I've been dating this girl.

Jesus quarter. It's really, like, because their shakes are good. They're ice cream shakes. You know, I do love vanilla shake from there. They're just so indulgent. And, like, everything is so heavy that I feel like there's only so much my body can take at this point. Yeah. Right?

It's like, like. The shakes are really good for pepper. They're really good. I've said it. I love, I said this before the episode started, but I, when I first got, to L.A. and Witt, I know that you said you were the same way. My hot take was like, Fat Burger's better than In and Out. And over time, I do think In In Out is better than Fat Burger, but I still very much love Fat Burger. And I do think it is closer than people think. I think

that no one comes to L.A. and gets a Fat Burger anymore. Like, even 20 years ago, I think that they did more, probably because of Ice Cube and Biggie. You know what I mean? Like, like, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I, I don't, it's out of the zeitgeist. Right. I, I, I, I, I, I think just like, so much of it is just like there were certain neighborhoods that were more likely to be clustered with fat burgers. So if you were near one, that was like your spot, you know? And, and, but I, yes, I think it was more of like, there was a time when it was more of like, because it was maybe more, I'm just repeating what you're saying. Because it was more of a pop culture presence. In and Out Burger has been consistent.

You know, some tourist shit. Yeah, yeah. The branding and the logo, all that stuff is better. Yeah. True. And they also, you know, it just seems like, ooh, it's. gotta go there because there's that line, whereas Fat Burgers are often just a little hut in the corner of a grocery store parking lot. Right.

And they kind of look like shit. Yeah. They don't really, they're not great on the inside. Yeah, no. And there's never anybody in them. No, no. In fact, I do worry about them. It seems like they're in, it is, it's almost like a wad of gum on like the corner.

That is like, that's what Fat Burger kind of, it has that vibe to it. No, it's like, it's, it's a very different vibe from in and out. And, you know, we're just, we're just comparing them because they're both in so entrenched in the city. But it's like, yeah, it's more like your local. If you want the real L.A., go to Fat Burger. If you want to visit the Hollywood sign, go to hit and out burger. All right. It's more, but it is more like a, like your local donut shop or something.

You know what I mean? Like that kind of feel. It's like, it's just, it's kind of a little. Here's a comparison. I was in San Diego recently. And I saw this. I was like looking for, for a quick dinner. could get. And I saw this place called Hot Dog Corner that had good reviews. And I was like,

fuck it. I'm going to Hot Dog Corner. And all the reviews were just like, this place is like a little bit weird, but trust me, the hot dogs are good. You go in there. It was basically like a tobacconist. It was like a woman with like a bunch of cigarettes and then just like hard liquor. And that was like basically everything they were selling. But she also had a grill and she would whip up a hot dog for you. I got two hot dogs from that, uh, the, from that place. Um, some biches were tasty as hell. It was that kind of vibe. It's just like, hey, yeah, some napkins over there.

The floor is a little dirty. Everything's got a little layer of scuds to it. But the quality of product is so high that you'll keep coming back even if you know this is bad for you. Yeah, I had sort of, I had forgotten that. So when I first moved to L.A., I lived on the west side and there's a fat burger, like, two blocks away. And me and all my buddies would go and just some great memories at the fat burger. Yeah. And was that the one?

Was it like near Barrington or subpovado? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I lived right over there. and then I had one of the craziest nights of my life was at a fat burger at the one where we got this the one in the grocery store parking down the road where my roommate went nuts and we were running away from him

because he was trying to kill us and we hit it that fat burger oh my god yeah yeah oh yeah what ended up happening he was committed to a mental institute oh my god but maybe I'll knew him I don't know we can talk about it after but what we see like

And I don't want to dwell on this too much. But like when you say trying to kill you, you mean like he was like, well, he had, he thought that in his psychosis that we were robots. And so he was trying to save the real us by killing the robot versions of us. Can I also ask a question? Sure. Was Chuckie your roommate?

No, because I would have been like, Chuckie, you kidding me, buddy? And he'd be like, yeah, you're right, you're right. Oh, you'd call someone a robot. That's a great point. So we went to the Fatburger. We tried to figure out our plan. We called around to try to see if anybody would be down to help us. And then we went back to the house thinking, and he was gone, and he had gone to the Gower Gulch.

Oh, man. And then he, people are calling us going to. And then, and then, yeah. Also, that's very brave also to try to go. go and help him after that. I mean, that's a, when you're obviously, that's terrifying. It was terrifying. But then we, we went home and we, like, convinced him to go to the hospital.

And he, he did. But he did think, you know, and then in his sane brain after he was, like, medicated and all that stuff, he was like, oh, yeah, I thought that y'all were like, the robots. I was like, oh, no, these aren't robots. These are angels. And it was, you know, sweet how he ended up getting better. But we hit out at that fat burger and we all had milkshakes. That's fine.

And it was a very nice time to sit there and sort of hide out. And so that was the last time I had fat burger. That's why. That's great. Do you remember what kind of milkshake? For me, it was, what do they got? Chocolate. Chocolate vanilla and all and strawberry.

I think they moved a banana. That's probably, if there's a banana one, I would have definitely gotten banana. But then lockdown in 20. They had a screening of 10 things I hate about you with the Greek and you could go do it like a drive-in and Me and my friend CJ and his wife Megan went to Fat Burger ahead of time I hadn't been there in forever and I got exactly I got a cheeseburger fries and Buffalo wings and I like edged the whole way to the movie like didn't eat any of it You know I was like I need to have the perfect experience and I ate it while watching the movie and

be sort of cold. It was cold by that point. And it was, I was like blist out. Oh, yeah. This is easily the best meal I've ever had in my life. And then two weeks later,

they were part of our bubble. Oh, hell yeah. We went over there and, uh, I was like, I feel like we got to hit that fat burger again because I need to know if it's actually that good.

And we did. And it was like, fucking hit the spot again. But now it was hot. Yeah. And then since then now that's like my go to. if I want a burger instead of getting one from one of these kind of more upscale or, I don't know, exclusive spots, I'll hit that fat burger.

And the wings. And now there's, I want to say this, during pandemic, I went back to Quincy, Massachusetts, and on my birthday, we went down to Connecticut lags and we ate at all like the big Connecticut pizza spots. And we went and rented a theater and we saw a tenant. And it was like one of the best days of my life. And it was so good. Sally's a pizza. It was great. It was like such a

great moment. Let's go back. Let's go back. We will. I'm sure we'll get back there. But now, Wags, Whig's, friend, wings. Let's talk about pizza's friend wings, which is now hanging out with burgers. So we got six,

we got six orders of, sorry, six count orders of the five distinct sauces they have. We got all the sauces. Buffalo medium, Buffalo mild, and Buffalo hot. I don't know why I said them in that order. uh, lemon pepper and then classic bourbon barbecue. Mm-hmm.

They were mostly bone in, but we did get one order of the, of the boneless, uh, which was a buffalo medium, which maybe that's, that's why I had them at the top there. I think the, I think all the buffalo sauces are, are quality. I, like, I definitely would go, would go back to the hot, which is honestly not even that intense, but it's like, just a good level of burn. There was a very little difference between me, even mild and, and hot. It was the, the scale of the, of the, the heat, the heat. The heat scale was, and you're a heat seeker watch.

A bit of a heat seeker, but it's not like we're blowing the roof off in terms of Scoville units. Like, like, it's like, this is basically going from like on a scale of one to ten. It's going from one to like maybe five and a half if I want to be charitable. Like they weren't super spicy. Who created, who was, what's Scoville's first name? Was he a guy? Was Scoville a guy? I have to imagine Scoville was a guy.

Can we find out if Scoville was a guy? He wouldn't have been, he wouldn't have been impressed with the, with the heat on any of these wings. Or maybe he would have been, because I don't think Scoville ever envisioned, like, ghost peppers in his day. Wilbur Scoville. Wilbur Scoville. Do we know what year the Scoville scale was invented? 1912? Yeah, so 1912.

They weren't doing all these crazy hybrid peppers. What did that's like? 1996, right after Batman Forever. So he could, he maybe couldn't have even conceived of an Abenero back then. Yes. Because the abanero itself like, he maybe would eat the mild wing and maybe would like kill him. Yeah, which is pair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if he'd kill himself. That seems extreme, but he maybe, you know, he maybe would be like, he wouldn't be able to handle it. Yes, yeah. But anyway, I, like, I mean, you're the wing connoisseur, and you've obviously had these a number of times, but like, what did you think of today's patch of Buffalo? I thought they were great. Here's, the only criticism I have is already what y'all are kind of talking about is that the, the spice level wasn't much different, but the sauce level was. So, I would, I. prefer texture-wise.

I prefer the medium wings. Then, even though maybe taste-wise, I like the hot ones a little more just because there's just a tiny bit spicier, but I'm like, I don't know if you, I would prefer. So you would like the mild. The mild ones were the bone-in mild, and then the mediums were boneless, unless- Oh, so, sorry. So the mild ones. I like the mild ones.

I don't love, like, a ton of sauce. like a super wet wings. That's what I like so much about rustic. Yeah. And so I would prefer them to be a little dry, more dry and a little spicier. Yeah, I agree with you. Like in terms of, you don't want your, your sauces sitting in a lagoon, right? It's like, or your wings sitting in a lagoon.

You don't want them like a little, a little, you know, splash zone of soup, basically. Like you want like a little bit of layer of sauce. And I also say this is someone who does dip, who does dip. and ranch and buffalo. That's another reason, right? You don't want it to sauce to hell. It's like an overdressed salad. I agree with that.

I will say, though, the most, the important part of the equation here is the fry. When it comes, if you're getting, especially you're getting an oversawced wing, you need to have a really good fry on it. Yeah. And I thought they had a pretty damn good. Fries great.

All well fried. It was really great texture. And coming out of the oven hot, like eating them right then and there, it's like perfect. I just love it. Like, they're the only restaurant like this that has the wings that are fried in that kind of way. Like, fast burger is fast food, I guess.

Very much so, yeah. Yeah, they're the only fast food restaurant. Even with, like, Wing Street and Wing Stop, there's something different. They seem baked or something. It doesn't, it doesn't, there's an actual fry on these wings. Yeah, they have a deep friar back there. Yeah. And, like, a lot of times, back to pizza, a lot of pizzerias, they don't have, they just

they're making them in a pizza oven. You know what I mean? It's a different sort of texture you're getting to them. I don't like, I don't want too much breading on mine either. And I will say the boneless wings, which I love bone in over boneless generally. But the boneless ones are pretty aggressively breaded, a lot more nuggety. And just the breading was pretty light on the, if exists. And I think there was a light breading on it on the bone ins.

And so, like, I just generally preferred that. But I thought the buffalo hot was delightful. And I really like the lemon pepper. Lemon pepper was good because also you're getting, those were maybe the crunchiest of all the wings. Great texture. I like those lemon pepper ones, and I agree about the boneless ones.

They're too crunchy. And, yeah, that's often the issue I have with boneless wings. Hooters, though, the good, they got good boneless wings. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's, I mean, there's a lot, these were not, these were the boneless wings, I'd say, were maybe bad. Yeah. Where does a, yeah, I didn't love the boneless wings.

Where does like a, a, we're talking bone in wings, we're talking boneless wings, if we're talking chicken portions, where does like a, like a tendie or a chicken finger lie under your hierarchy? For me, I'd rather probably have a tendie over a, he calls them tendies. Over a boneless wing, but maybe not over a nugget. I like nuggets. Yeah. Huh. You know, it's been a minute since I've even had like buffers.

full of chicken tenders or tendies. I feel like that'd be great. When is the last time I even had? I can't even remember a time I've even had that. I think I would prefer that over a... The nugget. Yeah. The thing I like about the Hooters ones is it's less of a nugget and more of a clump.

Yeah. It's like a clump. Everyone loves clumps. Yeah, all the clumps. Everybody loves clumps. Yeah. Hercules. Hercules.

That's so funny It's so funny It's incredible I do I love I like clumps I like the nutty processor The clumps I like the clumps I like Norbett man

I'll hit it Anytime he's wearing a bunch of different outfits It's a lot of fun Or he's playing a little guy I mean Bowfinger Yeah And it's that little guy I love that little guy

Okay this is this is not normal We're twice in a day Yeah this is not normal What's going on Also the little kid And the clump family is really funny too. I guess it's funny.

I wonder if you ever looked around though and was like, wait, they're all wearing suits. But I'm just myself. Yeah, when didn't they get, why didn't they have Eddie Murphy be like a kid? Or get a little skinny kid and put a fat suit on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Because like, he's kind of going like, they're making fun of my size. And this is actually me. That's all Eddie Murphy doing a fat suit making fun of him.

Yeah, especially at a very self-conscious age. Yeah, yeah. See that may be fucking someone on. Well, he embraced the deck is great. Yeah, he's good. What's going on with the ring camp? It was now my neighbor is in my yard, so I don't know what's going on there. Everything is fine.

I have a party over there? What's going on? I don't know what the hell's going on. I'll figure it out afterwards. Do you think my neighbors are planning a surprise party for me? That's very nice. He's got a party planner in the backyard, too. Oh, my God.

If I'd be one of those things if I walked in to like a surprise party for me for my neighbors, I'd be like, all right, well, see you guys later. I don't really know any of you that well. My boy, Saul. I love Saul. Saul's a great guy. Yeah. I mean, I met Saul, right?

Now I got to go back on it. I do like a lot of my neighbors. I do it. Every now and again, I'm like, I don't even know. I don't know my neighbor's names, but boy, can we talk in the middle of the road? That's the same here. Saul, you've met Saul. Yeah, I like Saul's great.

I'm chopping up with all my neighbors. Yeah. Here's, there was no, there was no heat going on with these buffalo wings. at all, which I feel, if you like hot, you didn't get that experience today. No. I think if Wilbur Schovel tried him, he'd be like, oh, shit. And we're like, that's the lemon pepper, dude. Yeah.

It's not, there's no fucking, there's no heat on there. But I think they honor the tradition of buffalo wings. Yeah. Yeah. I think that they, I, my favorites were still the Buffalo wing. I like them. The lemon pepper for me was probably second place to the, to the, to the, to the, the mild and hot wings.

Yeah. I didn't have the barbecue. I didn't like the barbecue. It's too sweet for me. I don't like barbecue wings in general. I can get on board with a spicy barbecue wings sometimes, but usually they're very likely to be oversossed, just doused in barbecue sauce. And oftentimes it's like a place that like just using like a low quality like Cisco

barbecue sauce. This is my issue with barbecue sauce is that I think that that barbecue sauce is like one of the worst sauces. Yeah. I like barbecue. I like Texas barbecue or whatever And I like barbecue sauce when it's like whatever And it has a little bit of vinegar in there

That barbecue sauce is just like The sticky, thick barbecue Not for me But at least like the thing about Franks is like A, the place has Buffalo Wings Even if it's just Franks It's just like hey, that's a reliable sauce I know that's going to be like fine at minimum

And even they're putting no other effort into it Whereas barbecue sauces can be all over the map We covered our bases here But there's one last thing Yes. The blue cheese and the ranch, of course. I like that ranch, and I also like that blue cheese. I thought the blue cheese was okay.

I thought the ranch was pretty good. Ranch was better, yeah. If there was a celery or carrots or something, I would have tried it, but I didn't. That actively. So you go to no sauce on top of you don't do any. You're not dipping in ranch or blue cheese ever. I mean, I don't mind it. I think the ranch is okay on the wings, but I would just prefer to hit them raw.

Yeah, yeah. You got to hit them raw. I guess. Yeah, the doughboys know we're, yeah, we got to hit it raw. My pull-out game is strong, pulling the bones out of my mouth. Where did it? Yeah, your pull-out game is strong. You do pull-off, you do great.

Yeah, you're good at that, man. I didn't see that. That was impressive. How, Amelia, where were y'all on these wings? And Amelia, what do you think of that Berg? I didn't try the wings, but I did like the burger. Half the burger was pretty good. I will just say, I did not ask you for the burger for half the burger.

You just gave that to me. It just showed up on my plate. It was very nice of you. I figured you needed to talk about it with the rest of the group. I actually didn't, but it was nice that you sacrificed half your burger. That was very kind. Did you get enough food? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. I'm looking at the photos right now, and there are vegetables in the photos of the wings. Yeah, there are. I wonder if this place fucked up, which is always potentially an issue with fat burgers. So possibly this place, the place fucked up, but also possibly it was one of those weird things. Maybe they did have a scientist testing for cyclospora and he caught it. Maybe they're just avoiding veggies right now. It could be that, but it could be an on-site scientist with a lab coat.

He was like inspecting these. Standing next to the guy who's flipping the burgers on the grill. Like there's a guy flipping burgers and there's a guy in a white suit. But also, I think it's possible that there was, like an arcane ordering thing where you had to like hit a checkbox. In the same way that you have to specify that you have cheese on your burger. I like that's an era where Amelia fucked up somehow.

Yeah, that's what happened. I fucked up. It's probably Amelia who fucked it up. And then the scientist was back there being like, those veggies are good to go. They really don't want them. And it's Amelia out there. Doesn't she want cyclospora?

You're no longer a shit person. Yeah, I'm re-branding. Even though I did see you review. doing shit on the sidewalk yesterday. Look, the shit reviews will continue. I just want to rebrand a little bit. I don't want to be, I don't want everyone to think of piss and shit every time they think of me. Again, how is this, how are you going to break this association if you're going to continue doing

shit reviews? I don't know. Emma, what did you think of that, of the wings you had? I had two of the boneless, I didn't have any of the bone in wings. I just had the boneless ones. kind of agree a little too breaded, not very chickeny, but they were fine. The blue cheese did a lot of work, I think. But the blue cheese wasn't as funky as some blue cheeses. It was very creamy and light, which was nice. I will say, I gave Gemmy a little portion without any toppings of my burger.

She did enjoy that quite a bit. She also found a stray piece of wing. I noticed that she was sniffing around, and she ate that, and she seemed to have enjoyed that as well. Yeah, she, I mean, she loves chicken. And burger, everything. She's been very hungry lately. Begings. a lot. Very hungry lately. Okay, what's going on? Her pull-out game is pretty strong, too. Good girl.

Imagine a dog who pulls out. That's kind of cool. That dog's a bad at it. She doesn't even need to. She's fixed. That's true. She's just into that shit. She's a real friend.

Hey, buddy, a good night's rest sets you up for a great day, doesn't it, Mitch? It sure does, Wags. And that's why you're so happy with your helix. That's right, Wags, I got a moonlight lux. I love it. It's like sleeping on a cloud. You know, I'm like a little cherubic angel. Yeah, like a little chair about that.

Is that redundant? Mitch, I would not worry about it because I think people know what you mean. That's what's most important. Linguistics is descriptive, not prescriptive, after all. Helix has over 20 mattress models so you can find the perfect model for you. Perfect mattress for me, for Wally and Irma.

For my mom and sister when they visit and I sleep on the couch, it's the perfect mattress. I love it. I've had it for quite a few years now, Wikes. And you know what? It's simple. Helix delivers your mattress

right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. and 120-night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. Wow. Wow. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. The happy with Helix guarantee

offers a risk-free. customer-first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress. Helix is the most awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and wired. Go to Helixleep.com slash doughboys for 20% off sitewide. That's right, Wags. That's Helixleep.com slash doughboys for 20% off sitewide. Helixleep.com slash doughboys. Do it. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that.

No, all good, all good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's our podcast here on Headgum? This podcast is brought to you by SquareSpace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out

and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the internet or you're like you're surfing through the web. SquareSpace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. I like that it's all in one place.

I know. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all on my website. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the like. It's all in one place. The video or the audio or like, no, I want it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please. Yes.

And you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts. You know, I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. There are SEO tools, which I know what those are and their custom domains. Oh, what's come up with a domain right now? Let's see. I wonder if it exists. www.

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Anybody could do it. We should get to our final thoughts on Fat Burger. slash Buffalo's Express. What is the, the, why is it Buffalo's Express? Why isn't you just Buffalo Express? Buffalo's Express? Was the mask got like a Buffalo? I don't know.

I never, I never clocked it on the signage, exactly what's going on. Anyway, we should, we should talk about our review here of these co-branded chains. So here's how this will work. We each go around, give there a closing argument, if you will, on this particular chain based on this experience and in previous experiences, and then end that by giving it a score

from zero to five forks. Your guest, your thoughts, your fork score. I know why my neighbor was in my backyard. He accidentally opened my package. They swapped packages. He's now put the package in my backyard. That's what we just said.

I don't like that. I don't like it. Illegal. Are you like, wait, are you? I'm thinking of suing him. You're upset of the neighbor. No, I don't care. I don't really care.

Yeah. But, I mean, oh, he saw, he just, you know, he's seeing some of your business. Yeah. Well, and especially, I had a porch pirate. It's called come steal one of my packages, and it was a vintage Mr. Freeze hat. Oh, man. One of the Batman and Robin. Yeah, from Batman and Rob, all right, yeah.

And I just, like, love to imagine them getting back to the car and opening it up and being like, is this an Arnold Schwarzenegger of Mr. Freeze? What am I going to do with this? Bummer my guy would be getting Zyla melts. The Xylemeltz I have a CPAP. So I put Zyla melts in my, and you put them on the side of your teeth and then the air shooting in your mouth. And over the course of the night, when you wake up, your mouth is not all dried out because the Xyla melts like keep your. Oh, cool. Yeah.

Zylo melt sounds like a dish they'd serve at like Dexter, Jester, like cafe. Dude, and Al. And Correcent. In Alabama, there was an entire store called CPAP. And it was like, you go in and it is nothing because my buddy has sleep apnea. A couple of my friends. And we just wanted to look in the window. We didn't go in.

But it's nothing but different CPAPs and like parts for them and things like that. There's a lot in the world now that I now do. I've now used my CPAP for like a year and a half or something, like continuously. Yeah. Maybe I'm almost two years now. there is a there's a there's a there's a lot that goes on in the community that people you know there's a lot of there's a lot of ways to enhance your CPAP and things oh dude but bud my friend bud diaz is like a sleep apnea legend and he uh we tour together and sometimes he'll forget his CPAP no and so he'll have to go get a black market one off of Craigslist oh my god really he'll go meet some guy in a back alley who sells him He's done it in Las Vegas Because he won't sleep without it

I now have gotten to that point We'll go on tour and why he's going to get a little You sometimes get a little annoyed with me I just think we like doing it though I think it's a solvable problem This is more me approaching it from From trying to be like a good friend And then trying to solve problems

Which obviously is not a problem you feel like needs to be solved You want to have distilled water Or your CPAP which I understand Yes. Now, I have read on CPAP forums that and subreddits. So you're going into, you're going in disguise. I was just doing some research. Fucking secretly going into the CPAP where you don't belong.

Well, I can lurk. Because of public forums, I can lurk. Places where Bud and I feel safe. You're in there. You're lurking. Like, fun, I'm lurking. I was just picking up some intel. Are you posting?

No, I'm not posting in there. Come on. Okay. So I'm in there. I'm, um, I'm, I'm, I'm lurking, and I'm finding out that, like, you can use just bottled water for short stretches. You're not supposed to use it for, like, more than 14 days. But if we're going on tour and it's just like a long weekend maybe or even a week,

guess what? You're supposedly safe to use just, just bottle water. No, distilled water always for me. That's fine. So the other thing you could do is we could, A, when we go to one of these venues, you have what people know as, like, a writer, which you can now, like, hey, can you make sure you have these things backstage? Which you said, let's add it to the writer or said this a great idea. Add distilled water.

We do get in a day before the show. This was actually Emma's suggestion. It's a good suggestion that we can add distilled water to the writer. We didn't try that in the South and not a single venue did it. They didn't do it. So I'm also like, okay, how about this? Why don't we get a watertight bottle that you can travel with since you usually have a checked bag? Fill it up like essentially like a Yeti, like this some bitch I got here, but like something that's not going to ever leak.

Fill that up with distilled water and then you're set with that supply. Then you don't have to go find it in whatever town we're in. You veto that. So it ends up being a thing of like... Did you just watch The Odyssey? We, me and Amelia, have fun. We go and do it. It's fun.

We love around in the city. We explore. We get to see new things. I get that. It seems like a problem that you, it's not a problem to you. It's not something you want addressed. So I'm just meddling. But it does feel like a thing that could be fixed in an easier way.

So you don't have to try to find a random 7-Eleven that has distilled water and then sometimes hit up multiple locations, which I've seen you do before. And guess what? Yeah. Keep our fucking forums off your. your computer. I'm gonna look at them after this. I'm gonna come up and slap you like Will Smith.

You shouldn't be on our forums. Stay away from our forums. I'd like to see you try. You think you would dodge it? I would dodge it, yeah. I don't think you could dodge it. Well, it's because Mitch, he could dodge it because every time you slap somebody, you go with your mouth as you do it.

So people know it's coming. It's true. I do have a tell, as they say in the business. My, I have a prediction, which is I think people are going to talk about how you, well, like, how you could solve this distilled water thing, how you could get distilled water more easily. Oh, they're going to be, they're going to be mad at me. They're going like, they're going to be like, Wiger's actually like, like, he's making a lot of good points, because

they're all like you, unfortunately. But we have fun going trying and to find, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. And if like, worst case scenario, if I didn't get it, it wouldn't be a big deal. I just use bottled water or whatever. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It seems like it's like, you don't even have, you're going to these unnecessary steps. And Amelia just likes it. Amelia, Amelia, it's fun to Amelia because Amelia is insane. Okay, good. That it's great that she's having fun. It's a good thing she's insane. So where is the sure-fired spot that has

distilled water? You can never tell. This is the issue. It's always a gamble. It's always a gamble. You'd think like 7-11, sometimes it is 7-11 and sometimes it's not 7-11. I was in New Mexico while because I went to New Mexico. Yeah. Flight got diverted, went to El Paso drove, they got us a driver

to drive us to New Mexico to Albuquerque. It took four hours. I was chatting it up with the driver. the whole time. We had a blast talking to each other. And I was like, I'm going to get distilled water. And he's like, I'm going to drop you off at the hotel. And he's like, I got, I'm going to go out. Because I ordered it on, on, on, on Instacart. Yeah. And I was like, and it was like, three hours. And it just wasn't coming. And he's like, I have an Instacart thing. He's like, I'm going to get there and arrive and turn on my Instagram and get it. I was like, no, don't do that. I'll just cancel it. And then he was like, I'm going to go to. He's like, I want to find you. He's like, I want to find you distilled water.

And I was like, you don't got to do that. And I was like, here's 20 bucks. If you. find it somewhere nearby, there was a place that was four minutes away. And if not, just keep that money and leave. And then he came back and he was like, I got it. He's like, I went to this place. They had a pizza maker and it only took distilled water. And he was like, but it's open. And it was a half the whole thing of distilled water. And he's like, I told the guy, I got a client. He needs distilled water. He got the distilled water for me. Also, added to his pizza shops. A pizza shop.

There you. So you and Bud need to make a show where he gets black market C-Paps while you go on your distilled water journey. And then y'all come home and you watch South Park on cable in the hotel and you pap in. I offered that night I offered Gaborz a hit of my C-Pap. It is a dude, he gives us hits. It's nice. What does it feel like? Because I haven't got a hit of Mitch's.

It's kind of extreme. It's a very strong compressed air, why? It's really shooting into your, my level is also pretty high anyway. Wow. That's a part of it. But I want Bud and I to get the two, like, you know, the two hoses. Well, one night. Dual Seapap.

One night, we were doing a festival in North Carolina, the hopscotch festival, and it was us, me, my band, Bud, Clay, and our friend Jeremy, and birthday boys. We had a show upstairs. they had a show downstairs, and then afterwards, we all went and hung out in our hotel. Is it, wait,

me birthday, or was it sloppy boys? I'm sorry, sloppy boys. Sloppy boys. And, uh, and yeah,

so we're all just having a blast, and Mike Hanford is just totally ripped. And he puts on, but he finds Bud's CPAP machine and just puts it on and turns it on. And he's hanging out the whole night with it on and his nose for, and Bud and our friend Jeremy went, to find pizza or something and then came back with it.

And Bud at the time didn't really know Mike Antford. Sure. That's a boundary. That is, that is, that is, that is, that is crossing a line. We have all, we were taking photos of him within it and Bud just came in and was like, Hey.

And then the next day Mike sent me this text. Like, I feel really bad about wearing the seat back. And now, him and butter, like good pals. He's a wild man sometimes. Yeah, man. All right, your thoughts and your fork score on.

Okay, my fork score. Another thing that we didn't talk about is when you go to Fat Burger, it doesn't take that long. It's faster than in and out. Even if you get wings, which is interesting, I don't really know. I don't even want the peek behind that curtain at how they're doing that. But maybe half fried of, or whatever.

We actually didn't even try to figure it out. I will say a Fat Burger hot out the off the grill and those wings. It's, you know, for a fast food restaurant, four forks. Four forks. Wow. You know, I'm. That's great.

Good score. And the steak fries on top of that, you can't get steak fries at fast food places. And the diet Pepsi, you know, just Pepsi products in general at a fast food restaurant is kind of not as common. and it's kind of a nice little treat. Yeah, I like that. And it always makes me think of the Ninja Turtle's baseball kid commercial, and he's like drinking a Pepsi at the end of the, whatever, it doesn't matter. But yeah, yeah.

And also, do Mountain Dew, they have dew on tap there if they have Pepsi, which is big. I do like Coke over Pepsi, but I like, I like when I used to be, there was more options like that. Yeah. I like Fat Burger Wags. The last time we reviewed it, I gave it four and a, quarter forks or something? Four forks one time. We haven't reviewed it in years now, but I,

it's an, it's an LA institution. I don't think it gets its flowers, as they say, as, as as much as it should. And I can't see myself going down after this experience. I thought, I thought this was, I thought it was great. I'm going four and a quarter forks again.

I'm going to save that too. Four and a quarter. Why? Hell, hell, yeah. You both are in the handholding club right now. Will I join you? Well, here's a thing. Last time we did Fat Burger, I I gave it two and a half. I'm sorry, I gave it four and a half forks.

Now, I said the two and a half by mistake because our buddy Adam Conover happened to be, you know, he's recording some stuff right now and he was here with his engineer with his producer Tony.

He was in the kitchen and we were like, hey, we got some wings. Do you want any wings? He had a few of them. I never thought in a million years Conover would like the wings.

We, yeah. I saw his hair flip start growing up. It started growing up. It was going up there. And I was like, oh, okay, he's going to have a high fork score, but he landed, again, he hasn't in the podcast, so maybe he doesn't know exactly what the scale is, but he landed on two and a half forks.

But he was like, these are solid and they get the job done. I'm going to go higher than that because I have affection for Fat Burger as a chain. Compared to In and Out Burger and Tommy's, you know, it might come in third, honestly, among those three LA chains for me, but it doesn't mean I dislike it. I still like Fat Burger. Tommy's is third from me, but I also like Tommy's. Tomies is great. Tommy's.

I just would rather have a lot. a burger loaded up with chili and cheese, like to me, that, like that kind of sloppy burger is a little bit more, my favorite as opposed to the sloppy burger you can get from, from fat burger. But they're all great, they're all wonderful, and they each have a place in my heart.

We were marveling at how tall Tony was, his engineer. Is it tall? Tony's tall as fuck. Do we have a tight check on Tony? I feel he's like 6-6. 6, 6, 5, something like that. He's tall. He's up there. And he's slender, so it seems even taller. He looks like a volleyball player.

Yes. Yeah. He's, no, Tony's a tall drink of water. Which we were saying puts him right under the height of Adam

with his pompadour. Adam's like, six seven, six eight. It's a power thing for Conover. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

He's going to be. It's always got to be taller than whoever his producer is. And he does it as a thing of like he tries to find the tallest guy. It's a power move. Yeah.

So, um, a lovely man. Very nice guy. He's always. He's only ever nice to us. Anyway, but he does have tall hair. I am going to go higher than two and a half forks.

I am going to go even higher than four forks and one time. I'm going to go up to four for forks, two times. I'm standing by that store for Fat Burger and Buffalo Express. It was fun when we were holding hands. I like, let's hold hands with Nick. Wow, we're all in the handling club, four forks, two times. I like it. In the Golden Plate Club where it belongs.

One other thing I'd like to add is I think that in my experience, Fatburger wings are the best fast food wings. Great argument. I like that. I like that take. I mean, like, look, would you consider, would you, would you consider B.W? No. That's a sit down.

I mean, like, wingstop is pretty much fast food. Yeah, I'd probably go. Wingstop is close. I'd probably go wing stop over Buffalo's Express. But that, a big part of that is just like they have a bigger sauce variety. But also, if you're thinking about convenience, like, you can get wings that have drive-thru at Fatburger. Way the fuck faster at.

at Bat Burger. The turnaround at Wingstop can be 20, 30 minutes if you're ordering in store. Like, I basically always get Wingstop. I'm always placing an order online. Yeah. But, I mean, yeah, they're good quality wings,

and also, you can also get a burger. Yeah. How many times, how many places are you doing to do that? Yeah. All right, it's time for a segment. I got a mystery. Which is not Wing's Buddy. It's pizza that is buddy,

but now, you know, the world's gone crazy. The world's gone crazy. Everything's topsy-turvy. Please watch my special, everyone. Hey, I got a mystery food And Mitch and Whit must have bind his identity From a series of clues

It's the return Of food in this dude Hit it, Meals One, two One, two, three, four Food, food Oh, right Find you by at the grocery store

Food, food In this dude But for salons or maybe something Much more This is the only time I've ever since embarrassment from you. Weren't there more lyrics? Food, food and this dude you must uncover? I didn't feel like doing it.

This is the first time I've ever seen her embarrassed, ever. You've done this before. I was embarrassed the last time I did it too. This was your idea to do a raspberry parade, a raspberry beret parody by prints. Because I wrote it for you to do it. And then you were like, do you want to do it? I was like, sure. It seems like she didn't want to do it.

You don't have to do it. You don't have to say yes. I like doing it. It doesn't seem like you like doing it. You got very self-conscious. I like it. You have a lovely singing voice. Thank you.

You did, you surprised us when you sang the My Way, Perry. Yeah, I'm about to sing. So, like, you know, I think you just have to bust it out a little bit. Don't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. You don't have to. You wanted to do it. It's very natural. Thank you.

I had a great time doing it. You were bailing on it immediately, and it just felt like you weren't having fun. No. You should get a pompadour. If you grew a pompadour. Pompadour, it would you think Conover would ever, like, comment on it? I was like... If you just someday, if you came in, you had, like, a little pompadour that was standing up on your head.

Just had his exact look. Yeah. Linen shirt, linen shorts, and some Birkenstocks, and then just really high hair. Hey, buddy. Do you think you comment on it? I think I wonder if he would notice. I think if I had glasses, then that would be the... I'd put it over the top.

I think if I just had the high hair, I think he'd probably just hit me with, like, looking good. Yeah. And then just, you know, you know, just fluff it up a little bit. Showing's boss. He gives you a pompadour advice. Yeah. I like that. Great job, Amelia.

Thank you. All right, so the hints grow increasingly obvious as we go. Okay. So we have a mystery food, and each hint is going to get less and less obscured. Do we actually have the food? Yep. Okay. This is big.

You have lifelines, which are the color test. Okay. Or ask Emma. What does the color test entail? You ask me what color it is, and I tell you. great. And then Emma doesn't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

I didn't know what it is. So Emma is just going to give her... Emma is the lifeline. Witt, you're a guest. Do you want to go first or second? I'll give you advice. I think the first question is usually the hardest. Two, you might be able to get it.

But I also am not trying to game you here. It might seem like I'm trying to game you. Well, I'll do it first. All right. Because I'll probably, whatever. My expectations are low. You might still get it in the first one. One other bit of context.

It makes no sense. One other bit of context I should give. We have pie in this guy and we have cake it off. So we can rule out pie and cake for the food because those have their own specific segments. Okay. And then food in this due to catch all of all of their foods? Yep. Okay, great.

No drinks. Okay. No drinks. Okay. We'll figure out what that is. Yeah. First off, the first hint for Whitmer, one of the main components of this food is something you cannot eat. one of the main components of this food is something you cannot eat okay and do it now I guess yeah if you have a guess

there's no consequences to a wrong guess here those uh the American cheese and the little things this is a great guess but it is not correct yes it's not it's not like an American single okay that's all right Mitch I'm gonna get the second hit Mitch it's true someday Hint to, you might call Brian Griffin this after he tells a bad joke. Well, I call him a bad dog. Jemmy that was not about you. It was about Brian. Brian Griffin is a dog, right?

Yes. Oh, right. Okay, I was thinking he was Peter Griffin. You might call Brian Griffin this after he tells a bad joke. Hmm. I could call him a hack. I could call him a bad. dog.

Is it a hot dog? It's not hot dog. Hint three. For wit. Okay, we're close. You're going to get it now. On the campaign trail, Joe Biden talked about this bad dude.

Oh, my God. But what if he was a bad pet? I can't remember the dude's name. I know it. Oh, wait, it was workshop. No. Woodchip. What was his name?

like chipper, fucking wood chipper it was something like that. Remember you do have lifelines. You do the color test or ask. Okay, and Emma just tells me what the answer is. I'm playing along. I don't know what it is. Emma's playing long. She doesn't know, but she may have an idea. I got it. Pop,

corn. Corn. Corn dog. It is corn dog. All right. You have one food in this dude. Wow. That's good. The final hit. Wow, you were getting a pack of a corn dog. That's so good. How fun is that? That's the best prize we've ever had.

Corny dog, I get it. And you don't eat the stick. You don't eat the stick? I was kind of like on the right path. You really were. It was a good guess. I was like, cherries, pits have cyanide in them. Hey, I did pretty good.

I knew it was, I said hot dog. I was close. You were close. Wait, I liked hint number four. That's Emma. I thought the same thing. Yeah. Hit number four.

I liked it. Hit number four. Hit number four, which we didn't get to, how Mitch pronounces popcorn may be a clue. Just switched the order of the two. corn pup corned dog I get you

corn pup corn pup corn pup corn pup is that like a pigs in a blanket styes dog as a corn dog

like a mini corn dog as a corn pup honestly go get that trademarked right now are there mini corn dog

maybe there I'm sure that there are I would fuck my fat kid thing I would do we would get

mini corn dogs from Costco and then it would put like like six to eight on a plate, and then cover them with cheddar cheese and then put them in the microwave.

Oh, that sounds so good. It was fucking good as hell. Cheese corn dog. That sounds good as hell. Damn. All right, just like a restaurant about your feedback, let's up with a feedback. Today we have an email from Sarah.

Sarah writes, Hi, Dofam. Thanks so much for all the laughs and give me new ways to make my friends and loved ones uncomfortable when I drag them to your live shows. Great. Recently, a bunch of friends and I did a

mozzarella stick themed bar crawl. That sounds fun. We went to eight different bar. over the course of an afternoon night and the rules where everyone had to have at least one drink at each stop and one mozzarella stick at each stop. That's doable.

We had rubrics grading each bar on crispness, cheese pole, seasoning, and vibes. We've made hats for the occasion. So they went to eight bars? The eight drinks is the crazier... This is what's saying.

Eight different bars. That's... I mean, like eight... I mean, it's just... Depends somebody start and finish, but yeah, that's a lot of... Like eight beers... All teaky bars.

Also, eight locations is a lot for a crawl, I feel like. I mean, it's possible. We don't know where Sarah lives. Oh, we do know Sarah lives. Washington, D.C., so we're talking to a dense walkable city. So probably there's a lot of bars close to each other. But then there's also like... Where corn pop's enemy lives.

Yep. Yeah, boy. I liked Workshop. That was really funny. Workshop was good. Workshop was a bad dude. But I'm guessing also Sarah and their friends are young, because this feels like a young person.

I'm not going to eight bars at my age. Even eight beers, I mean, that's like a night. That's a night. And eight mozzarella sticks? I mean, eight mozzarella sticks is easy. That's an easy part. It was incredible. And you'd be amazed how different mozzarella sticks can be from place to place.

If you were designing your own perfect food bar crawl, what would it be and what would the grading be on? Best Sarah in Washington, D.C. P.S. I've thought about this long and hard. The best answer to be honest is mozzarella sticks. So there you got one you came up with. All right. Good answer.

So, boy, this is tricky. I mean, like, you know, Wings is such a good. I'm thinking you get a six piece of wing. Everyone gets a wing. You're with six, five other friends. Each of you get a wing. Yeah, it's really fun. Wings would be my ideal.

Also just pairs good with like so many different drinks. And I mean, I feel like I'd be having some brew dogs in that context. And Buffalo Wings and a cigarette is also, it's like coffee and cigarettes or something to me. Like when I eat a buffaloing, I want to smoke a cigarette. Are you, like, are you currently a smoke a cigarette? Are you, like, are you currently a smoker? Were you ever a smoker? I've never seriously been a smoker.

I probably, yeah, but I crave a cigarette one. And I will do it every now and again. Are you doing a different cigarette, different style of cigarette at each bar, too? That's fun. That is fun. Yeah. A Winston at one, a Marlboro at another. Mitch and I both quit smoking.

I was never a heavy smoker, though. But I do, like, I have never gone back to just like, I want to have a... What's that? You were pretty happy. When you smoked, you were probably, you were a heavy guy. Was I fat? Oh, I guess maybe when you were, you know. No, I think I was, I think it was relatively, I was relatively slim because I had to stretch, I was like a fat kid and then I lost a bunch of weight.

And when I was like 18, 17, 18. And then it was skinny until I was like 25. You were according in and out. Yeah, exactly. Like a Jimothy, like a Jimothy, who you now know. Like, Jimothy. I do crave cigarettes on occasion. I just never gone back into it.

But maybe I should. No. Don't go back into it. I don't know. Why not? What else do I get going on? Well, I don't know. I guess whatever.

Okay, outside of wings, I mean, I'm just thinking of other bar, you know, how about onion rings? I know that's really close. I know that's really adjacent to both mozzarella sticks and... But what's the difference? Like, honestly, with mozzarella sticks, you might taste the difference. With wings, you're definitely getting variety. Here's what my argument for onion rings is that you might get different sizes. you definitely get different presentations.

Some places they'll give it to you on the spool, other places they'll just give you a plate or a basket. You'll definitely have different seasonings. And you also have different, like, you know, some places you have that little tighter ring. Other places have that big hunker of a ring. It's kind of fun to see who has the biggest circumference, and that could be a thing you could grade it on.

I feel like you could do fried pickles. Fried pickles is a great one. Because some places do the chips, some do the spears. You know what I like about that is you can also do picklebacks. So you can do like kind of a pickle experience. Love that. Coconut shrimp would be a good. Oh, that's fun.

I like that. Was coconut shrimp the or example of the penthouse food? I think it was. That was, yeah. Penthouse food, Whitmer, this is a thing we figured out on the road, which is a food with a high floor. Like, anytime you're getting coconut shrimp, it's like, it's pretty good. Yeah. And so, like, it just, by virtue of it being a coconut shrimp, it's going to be quality.

Yeah. Onion ring is a gallum-ass answer. I was just spitball in here, Mitch. Column because he likes rings? How about this? Column has a answer. How about this? Césadilla.

Now you're, now, you split that, you have a piece of cassidia at each one. But you do got to think about the eight factor. Eight wings is not, you're going to eat more than one wing at each place. Well, then do we just go to bar pizza? Like, is that what we're looking at. Now, we're, I mean, pizza is maybe. It's pretty good. If you're doing bar pizza, though, one slice of, you could, you could, you can.

Those are low guys. And also, you're burning some of the pizza off with the walk. This is also true. It actually is kind of the ideal way to eat pizza. I kind of agree. It might be the best way you could ever eat pizza is a slice at each bar. And if you're doing it over the course of like, you know, like five or six hours and you're having drinks, I think I could maybe eat eight pizza. We might have just figured out a whole new thing.

That's pretty fun. Do you think we could do like a chain restaurant crawl or you go to like eight chain restaurants? I think we should do that. And then my pitch is we should do a chocolate lava cake. Just do eight orders. Clam chowder would be good because then... No, it wouldn't. Always think it would be tough of mine for you.

It would not be good. There's so much variation with clam chowder. Oyster shooters you could even have done. Like, oysters is fine. Oysters is good. Although I feel like if I go to like three bars on the same strip, they're getting their oysters in the same place. True.

Right? Like they'll be like... That's a good. There's not a lot of iceers is week or whatever. Clam chowder. Sometimes it's viscous. Sometimes it's... Sometimes it's buttery, sometimes there's bacon.

Sometimes, yeah, I was going to say they can't bacon. You stole the words right. All right, you know with clam chowder. We'll go with clam chowder. Fine, clam chowder. And bring your girl along if you want to squirt her. You have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants. You can email us at Feedbag atbirdfuck.com.

Or leave us a voicemail 830. Go to this 830-463-844. Our producer, the great Emma Erdbrink. Our associate producer, Amelia Marino. Our video editor, Mike Dorfman, we got merch at kinshipgoods.com slash dobley. That's true. Which has me thinking, Mitch. You're looking it up?

Let's see. I thought I was trying to do one we didn't use. Mine's a paper plane. Back of my day, turnt is what you turn the temperature to to bake your honey. That was one. That was a good one. I gave up on it. Squirter is what your hand did.

We cut it to you. That's, Emma. The balk of my day, there was, there was. two honeies, my wife who I loved and my baked ham. I guess honey is not like a saying now. It still is. I think it still is.

I think it still works. Back in May day, the ick was the name of the leftover glaze for your honey baked ham. More where that's coming from? Maybe we won't make the series. We also have a doughboys fast food film series ongoing at American Cinema Tech. Two more films the next.

two Fridays at Los Felis 3 here in Los Angeles. Mitch and I will be live in person to screen tomorrow, Friday, August 14th, in and out. Frank Oz's 1997 film and Friday, August 21st, Little Caesar, 1931, directed by Mervin Leroy. Tickets atopolde. We've already done Raising Kane at this point. Raising Kane and the other one. And Popeye. Popeye.

And you get the Do Boys double a week, bonus episode at Patreon.com slash Do Boys. you can also watch Terminal Crew of Dudes, Whitmer Thomas' new special streaming tomorrow, August 14th on HBO. Whitmer, Overdue. So glad to get you on Earth. Thanks for having a way. Well, that's all I got is just to watch that. Special tomorrow.

Oh, there's an album that comes out with it, too. Go listen to that. And, yeah, I don't know. Thanks for having me, y'all. Thank you for being here. I check on Civil Dead, too. I'll watch the Civil Dead wherever you do movies and, yeah. Civil Dad, Terminal Crew of Dudes.

What a joy. What a jean. Thanks, fellas. Yeah. We got you back at some point. We'll get you back sooner than we got you on. When Hooters comes back full force with these, the old owners. I love it.

We'll get you back and Hooters will be back. I agree. And that'll be it for this episode of Doe Boys. Until next time for the Spooner Man Bank Mitchell. I'm Nick Tiger Weiger. Happy eating. See ya. That was a hate gum podcast.

What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up everybody? I'm back back. And man, ooh, we got something to tell you. Oh, yeah, we definitely. do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on Headgum. That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast you'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually

have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Brini Brooskey, Caper Lan, Bobby Moynihan, Mike Stalter and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Jony McGreeze, and Dender. Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday. So subscribe to what's our podcast. On YouTube, or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah. I'm gonna go do it right now.