Doughboys - Garden of Eatin': Onions with Arden Myrin

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Arden Myrin (@ardenmyrin, Step Aside) joins the 'boys to talk The Cheesecake Factory, Kinsey, and professions before talking all things onions as we continue our monthlong vegetable series, The Garden of Eatin': Veggie Table: The Green Gobblin'. Plus, another edition of Binge.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/18d526d5-759f-4336-91c9-a96deceddd77https://www.opentable.com/blog/blooming-onion/https://www.thetakeout.com/who-actually-invented-the-bloomin-onion-1846279956/https://www.mashed.com/134049/the-untold-truth-of-outback-steakhouse/https://www.outback.com/about-ushttps://edge.sitecorecloud.io/osi-60501bcc/media/Project/BBI/outback/files/obs-full-nutrition-information.pdfhttps://www.worldatlas.com/articles/the-most-popular-vegetables-in-the-world.htmlSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. I know those words, but that sign makes no sense. This was Lisa Simpson in the Season 6 episode of The Simpsons titled Bart vs. Australia, written by Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein. The sign in question was a marquee advertising a Yahoo! Sirius film festival, Mr. Sirius being an Australian multi-hyphenate whose film Young Einstein was part of an 80s American fascination with the land of Oz. The transcontinental cross-pollination extended

to the Crocodile Dundee film franchise, the men at work single Down Under, and an Energizer battery commercial featuring Aussie footballer Mark Jacko Jackson. Today, the legacy of this decade-long Aussie-American flirtation survives in the chain restaurant Outback Steakhouse, birthed in 1988 by a Tampa, Florida quartet of Americans who'd never actually set foot in Australia and unashamedly admit to cashing in on the trend. Adorned with lazy Australian pastiche shorthand like koala murals and wall-mounted boomerangs, the eatery's signature dish became not its paprika-slathered steaks, but the Bloomin'

Onion, a cross-cut and deep-fried indulgence served with a horseradish aioli. Naturally, the dish has no actual Aussie ties it originates not from the land of crocodiles But from the land of gators down in to buy you at the New Orleans restaurant Russell's Marina Grill where in 1985 chef Jeff glows key created the dish He called the onion mum one of glows keys co-worker at the time was Outback steakhouse co-founder Tim Gannon, who poached the app and claimed credit. The clone became such a sensation that it itself would be cloned, most notably by Chili's,

whose awesome blossom became a stalwart of its Tex-Mex menu. The Bloomin' Onion also became enemy number one of nutritionists tasked with compiling annual listicles of the unhealthiest menu items. The big-breaded honker clocks in at a staggering a staggering 1900 calories and 214% of the FDA's daily recommended sodium intake. But while few other dishes so prominently front-page the Allium, the onion is utterly ubiquitous not just in chain restaurants but in global cuisine. In fact by some metrics onions, not just the Bloomen varietal, represent the second most consumed vegetable on all of planet Earth.

Not just in the Land Down Unda. This week on Doughboys, we continue The Garden of Eatin', Veggie Table, The Green Goblin, a month of reviewing Mother Nature's fast food... with onions. So, it's the Doughnut Boys, Doughnut Boys. It's the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, slice of pizza piakin, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell. Slice of pizza. You know what? I'll be honest with you. Uh.

I broke a lot of rules. You know, I've been trying to do no cheese and no, and I have a cheese thing here. That's the phrase there, I'm looking at cheese. I know, I know. Look, we don't get to talk about it. Yeah. Okay.

Eating, being strict is hard. It is, yes. Well, that's the thing, like absolutism, I think, ends in peril. You gotta give yourself some leeway. I told you that. I was not doing absolutism. I had a little cheese here and there,

but where I broke it was, I've been doing very well with no drinks. And Saturday I had a couple drinks. Progress, not perfection. Agree to agree, progress, not perfection. Agree to agree. My issue, though, is after. I'm agree to agree.

I'm incorporating that more. My issue though is- I love agree to agree. I'm incorporating that more. My issue is, my hangover days, I just, I not. So I got a couple of slices of pizza last night. So you're not hungover today, you were hungover yesterday. Did you have a good time Saturday night? Yeah, I sang some karaoke. I love karaoke, what'd you go to? In the middle of night, I go some karaoke. I love karaoke. How fun, what did you sing? What you go to. Uh, in the middle of night. Oh.

I go walking in my sleep. In the middle of the night. To the mountain of faith. Okay, we're gonna DMCA. Okay. To the river so deep. It's good, but yeah, stop. Can I change the words?

Yes. No, it's a melody that gets DMCA'd. In the middle of the night. I go walking in some ranch. Yep, love it. In the middle of the night. I go walking in some ranch. Yep. Love it. In the middle of the bite.

There we go. In the middle of the bite is your new theme song. In the middle of the bite. In the middle of the bite. Where did you do karaoke? Golden, uh, golden showers. Golden showers? I love golden showers.

Where you usually are. I was at golden showers. This place is great. That's where you always are on Saturdays. So they had karaoke that night, isn't it? Where people had an OK, golden showers, it's like this bar bar and like every 30 minutes sprinklers go off.

Yeah. Yeah, just like you're covered in piss. People love it though. People love it. People love it. Yup, they love it. I mean, if you're covered in piss, I'm covered in piss, you don't care. You know what I mean? No. It's a piss, piss all you can piss. Chuck Berry founded it years ago. It's got a lot of history.

You get it seeped and soaked in history. Yeah, here the urinals just, they just go shoot right into the pipes, right? Yeah, very efficient. Waste not, want not, you know? Yeah, I sang in the middle, the River of Dreams. Okay, very specific choice. Was it River? I've never sung it before.

No one has. Ha ha ha. How did it go? Only Billy Joel. I'm the second person to sing it live. You're literally the first person ever to sing it for Carrie. How did it go?

Well, I brought the house down. Obviously. Oh, OK. Obviously. And since you're at Golden Showers, it becomes Yellow River of Dreams. It's about piss, right? Ha ha ha. Yeah. Obviously. And since it's a year at Golden Showers, it becomes Yellow River of Dreams. It's about piss, right?

Yeah. It's... That's cool. You honored the venue. And by bringing the house down, the house just kind of... Because of the piss that's running through the walls and stuff like that, the house just kind of collapsed. Yeah. That's nice. That's a gorgeous, gorgeous way to start a beautiful Monday morning. Is piss acidic?

Probably. It feels like probably. I can't remember if it's mildly acidic or mildly basic. I can't remember which. I think piss is sterile, right? It's sterile when it's in the body, but as soon as it comes out of the body, it's an issue. Guys, piss is so basic. We've all passed piss years ago.

I don't even do it anymore. Oh my god, it's so basic. Mm-hmm. I'm just trying to think of which bodily function I prefer to get rid of. I think I'd rather still keep pissing. I pee all the time. You'd rather keep pissing? No, no, I'd rather keep pissing. Like if I was like, hey, you can never piss again

or you can just keep pissing as normal. I was like, I don't think pissing is enough of an inconvenience where I'd want that taken off. I could take it off. I would lose the amazing race because of the amount of times I have to piss. Yeah. So other than that, I'm obviously a winner.

Are you renouncing you're gonna be on the internet I would lose the amazing race because of the amount of times I have to piss. Yeah. So other than that, I'm obviously a winner. Are you renouncing you're going to be on the amazing race? Well, okay, Lance Bass and I applied to be on, but then he had twins and there was COVID. Wow. Right. But he was going to take a seat, he was trained to be an astronaut, so he was going to take all the heights.

Obviously, I was going to do all the eating. And the puzzles, I'm great at games and eating. So he was gonna do the strength training, the hides, the bravery things, that I was gonna eat and do play games. I feel like you guys would be great on Amazing Race. It's just, I mean, you and I would, I mean, they would like it,

cause I would be calling you like a fucking idiot. We'd be fighting the whole time. I feel like a married couple. Yeah, and then the other thing- And also if you drove ever or whatever. That'd be a disaster. I could like a fucking idiot. We'd be fighting the whole time. Yeah, you'd be fighting the whole time. You'd be like a married couple. Yeah, and then the other thing- And also if you drove ever or whatever, I'd be a caster. I could drive a ditch hit. I'm gonna like pull out a map and like figure out our,

and I'll be like, you idiot, we need to go. You gotta go with somebody you barely know you have to keep it together for at least four days with. You know what I mean? Just for cameras, you'll probably get eliminated, we'll all get eliminated in like chili, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, shit, fucking chili.

So like you got fucking chilly every time. But I feel like you need somebody that you kind of can't show your worst self to. So you have to kind of keep it together for the cameras for a few days. I feel like Emma and Casey as a team would like crush it because they're both very organized and they're like, they're on top of it.

Oh my God, okay. I might have to get a replacement now that Lance is twins. Well, we would fucking destroy Emma and Casey. We would fucking take them down. Because here's the thing. All right, now we have to do an Amazing Race competition. I just got excited.

I myself, I love shit like that. My body actually just had a visceral, I got excited. You're invited. You can do it. I'm, who's going to be, who am I going to replace? I need to get like, like, who is the other band? Who is in the Backstreet Boys? No one knows. Who is it?

Wasn't it one of the Carter's? Nobody. Yeah, right. Give me a Carter. Give me a Carter. They're problematic. And one's not alive. I'll do Joey T.

Yeah, there you go. I'll do, or Joey Foutone. But he was insane. Foutone's down to clown. He is down to clown. Did you know, and I learned this from Lance, or Joey Foutone. But he was instinct. Foutone's down to clown. He is down to clown. Did you know, and I learned this from Lance, that when they hit it big, he bought a house in Florida

that had a water slide, and underneath it had an actual Benny Hanna franchise in his yard? I love that move. Someone else has that. Wait, really? Yes, for real. He did a Richie Rich, basically? He did, and then it was hard for him to sell it

after he got divorced. Oh, wait. Is did Richie Rich, basically? He did, and then it was hard for him to sell it after he got divorced. Yeah. Oh wait, is it Richie Rich or is it a blank check? Well, the Richie Rich had a McDonald's. Yeah, he got a Benny Hanna franchise. Blank check, not the podcast, the movie where the kid gets a blank check for an undisclosed sum

and then spends all his money. He might have a Benny Hanna there, I don't remember. He has a waterslide. What franchise would you get? That's a great question. We've talked about this before, and I would love to have, like, I just feel like Fuddruckers is so fun, and it's also declining, that I feel like having, like,

a little Fuddruckers would be fun. You'd be so deviant if you had a Fuddrucker under a slide in your yard. You're, like, worse than Armie Hammer. You're like, worse than Armie Hammer. So you have, like, 18 toes in your pocket. What do you have? What are you going to get?

You might as well just do the Chuck E. Cheese at that point. Yeah. Well, of course I do. What are you going to get? At my place? I mean, look. I mean, it's already been done, but come on. A McDonald's?

McDonald's would be fun. I love a McDonald's, obviously. And the thing is, like, McDonald's has great coffee, which I didn't drink a coffee every day, so I feel like I just hit that up all the time. I love coffee. I might have to go to Cheesecake Factory because I feel like it would take a whole year

to eat my way through it, you know? That would be so fun to have a full-service Cheesecake Factory on your premises. Yeah, like the Tuscan lighting underneath my water slide. Are you kidding me? Thriving. I would hate to see myself after a year of having a McDonald's in my house.

It would be bad news. It would be bad. Yeah, it would be bad. It would get bad quick. Yeah, yeah. For that reason, should we just get a fucking, this sucks, but we're just gonna end up with a fucking sweet green at our mansion.

Yes, I know, yeah. At our shared mansion. God, you guys. How about a Jersey Mike's? Oh. That's a great, Jersey Mike's is a great one. Jersey Mike know, yeah. The Art Share mansion. God, you guys. How about a Jersey Mike's? That's a great- Jersey Mike's is a great one. Jersey Mike's, yes, that's a really good- Are we afraid of a fried?

Are we afraid of the Jersey Mike's slide? Is it gonna happen to Jersey Mike's? People online will be like, I don't know what their fascination was with Jersey Mike's. And to you, I say- It's delicious. You must have one of the rare bad Jersey Mike's near you or something?

Here's the fascination with Jersey Mike's. They have to you I say, It's delicious. You must have one of the rare bad Jersey Mikes near you or something. Here's the fascination with Jersey Mikes. They have scaled up so well and they've not lost any quality. That's what's impressive about it. To do what they do that their operation, you know, their operational capacity is really impressive.

It's the same thing with Cheesecake Factory. Yes. Like that's what's impressive about the Cheesecake Factory, their menu is so large. It's something that every chef says you should not do is have this gigantic sprawling cook-size menu. And large, it's something that every chef says you should not do is have this gigantic, sprawling, cook-sized menu. And they do it, and they execute it effectively at all their different locations.

It's really impressive. Can I just say, me sitting right here, it's as if you just got supercharged. I watched you spring to life, and you were so in the pocket. And you felt so passionately. And I was like, my brother gets a little bit like that about watches.

Like if you ask him about his watch, he's like, oh, I was so exciting watching you talk about how well Jersey Mike scaled up. And I was like, he really feels it. And I felt honored to be so front row seat. Yeah, I kind of went into fugue state there. I loved it. Thank you. You're welcome.

Doctors have words for what's wrong with him. Jersey my-kai-tus. Yeah, Jersey my-kai-tus. Yeah. Hey, Doughboys, really love hearing about all the wet characters who are at Sparrow. That's from an episode from a couple months ago as of this release. Wet. It's a well that literally will never run dry.

I had Sparrow today and funnily enough, the Mariner from Waterworld was working the register. Thanks for all the laughs. Eli in Milwaukee, roast at birdfuck.com. Are people wet at Sbarrow? So we did a whole thing with our buddy Griffin Newman from Blank Check the Podcast. Okay.

Where we did an extended run of just naming, we had very wet food from tomorrow. Was that what it was? Was the food wet? I think it was the stromboli maybe it was wet. The stromboli was wet. Cause it had a lot of wet ingredients in there, it had like spinach in it.

I wanna have a baby and name it stromboli. It's a great name for a baby. Yeah, okay, keep going, I'm sorry. So anyway, so a stromboli marine, yeah, that's great. Stromboli marine. Call him Boli for short. Yes, Boli, Boli. Or Strom.

Strom. That's like, it feels like he would come out Italian no matter what if he was named Strom Bully. Yeah. There'd be no Swedish in there. It'd be all, it's a Bully Marini. Yeah, for sure. Like wearing a cape type of Italian.

Oh, for sure. He would be like a cartoon. Wearing a cape? Yeah. You know, I would tell him. We're talking deep Italian. That's wearing a cape Italian. Deep Italian wears a cape? Yeah. You know, our Italian pattern. We're talking deep Italian. That's wearing a cape. Deep Italian wears a cape. Are you thinking of Super Mario World?

Yeah, that's a deep Italian. I guess so, yeah. I'm talking the Don's. The Don's, you know, they wear the capes. Oh, sure. Right, right, right. That's like the old school mafia Don's. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we were talking about like it was so wet

that whoever was working there, Pyacon from Avatar, The Way of Water, and we just listed a whole bunch of these. Who would have thought it was a bad bit that we were doing? Okay, bad bit. That went on for too long. That they now are. I love that. Nick doesn't, Nick yells at me

when I mention the reddit to him for real, which I get, I don't do it anymore, but I'll say this, the reddit is just going nuts with the. Oh yeah, they are. With wet things, you know? They're just like... I mean... It's about as gross as it sounds. Like, I went to Sparrow and this guy was here, you know, it's like the barrel.

Yeah, right. Whatever. Look, wet things are popular on Reddit. I started with it. No, no, our red is pretty dry, if you catch my drift. I like also, because we're starting a little earlier than normal today, not super early, not the crack of like I feel Like our brains aren't working yet. Oh, no, I've been up in seven years

She's jet lagged. So now so now we're like, yeah And our guest is jet lagged which we'll get into but like I am just like, you know Like a wet character will be there like can't think of one. Like I'm just like my brain's not I like it. I just makes it a little punchy. Yeah, we're all in the same I feel like we're all in the same waterslide. I mean, I was going to say one, but I was like, it's like we've already, we did a bunch of like the snorks or whatever. Snorks is one we didn't do. Jemmy just hopped up on the couch next to me.

That's a star. That's a star guest. All right, Mitch, you got a drop to play. I was going to get to it. I didn't have to tell you about your, read your email about the... Emma, hit him with the drop. I didn't think you needed me to get to it. I didn't have to tell you about your, read your email. Yeah, I know. Emma, hit him with a drop. I didn't think you needed me to get to it. Okay. What did you have to do?

I don't like fries. I got some of that Trader Joe's unexpected cheddar and the issue was every time I opened my fridge, I was like, ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah! I don't like fries. I don't like fries. Ah, ah, ah, ah! I don't like fries. I don't like fries. I don't like fries. I have different taste in fries.

What have I run with my greed? Wow. That was really nice. Hey there, DoFam. Long time listener, first time dropper. Spoon Nation for life. Number four, my favorite number. I like four. Okay. Really?

Yeah. Huh. You didn't know that, huh? No. No, I think I did. I'll file it away. What's your favorite color? Uh, blue or green. I knew that. Yeah. What's your favorite color? Blue or green? I knew that. Yeah.

I'm wearing both. 46 seconds. I know that sounds like a long time to you, Goobers. What the fuck? Okay, you don't have to be rude about it. Shout out to all teachers and school staff. You won your back. Oh, how about that?

Charlie. Hi, Charlie. Hi, Charlie. Any ladies do drops for us no Come on let's the drop king. Let's find one Emma you might have to submit a drop That was a very early audio poll when you accused me of not liking fries.

That was like year one of Doughboyz and they had a promo on you. You don't like fries? I love fries. They're my favorite potato preparation. That's the whole point I was making. He's getting in the zone. He got in the zone. He got in the zone again.

I saw there was like lizard eyes happen. When he said, my favorite potato preparation, I knew he was in a fugue state. And I'm like, you know what? If you wake him up now, he'll think that you're like, you know, got a serpent head or something. You can't wake him up in mid-dream. Called sociopath.

My favorite potato preparation. I love that song. Drops at birdfuck.com. Yeah, that was well done. Hulu Animaham is your animation destination to watch full seasons and new episodes of your favorite animated shows. Get ready to be bowled over, have your socks knocked off,

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at Cheesecake Factory at the Americana. Wow. Wow. And sat outside and watched the show that is at the fountain of the crowd. That fountain, I got news for you. What? Drained right now. What? Last time we went, yeah, it was

full of dirt. When did you go? Just recently. Like last week. Oh boy, I was in New York. They were missing me. They knew they had to replace it. No, you never see a better show than at the, and you have to make your reservation even on a Tuesdays.

Really? Oh yeah. Everyone wants those outdoor tables. Or any table. Yeah. You cannot get into the Cheesecake Factory there. We just got, we of course reviewed Cheesecake Factory with you back during the pandemic. Had a great experience there.

Yes. I love the factory. I thought Cheesecake Factory was a Bourdain situation. No reservations. I thought that's what the notes. No, they take reservations. They do. Yes, you have to make them now.

Oh. And it's never not packed. Because people want it. And they know they're going to get it. It is delicious. I have a stance on Cheesecake Factory. And? I think it started its great decline.

When did you be at what did you drop this theory? It's no Jersey Mike's. Is that what you're saying? It's no Jersey Mike's? I think that it's been around. It's peaked. I think it's peaked. But is this based off of a recent experience,

or are you just like theorizing this is going to happen? When did you eat there last? This is maybe a theory of mine. OK. You're a theorist. I'm a theorist. And this is one of my many theories. I don't know if this holds water.

I got a lot of them too, by the way. Where were you January 6th? You look great in that Viking hat. Okay. You on Pelosi's desk was amazing. I did not see Pelosi's desk was amazing. Yeah. I did not see Pelosi's desk. Yeah. Sure.

Okay. No, you didn't want to go up those stairs. By January 6th thing is that I didn't make it up the stairs to get into January. The stairs are too much. Sure. Understood. I get it. I can't believe Biden walks up those things all the time.

Does he? Good for him. He's a jetpack. Yeah. He's like R2D2 in episode two. I was looking at this, this kind of blew my mind, but George W. Bush, W. Yeah. At the end of Biden's four year term right now,

George W. Bush will be his Biden's age that he is now, which is just crazy to me. So George W. Bush is be his Biden's age that he is now, which is just crazy to me. So George W. Bush is so much younger than Biden. Yes. The president that we had 20 years ago. Yeah. 20 presidents ago. Yes. 24, whatever, 24 years ago when he was elected in 2001, right? Yeah, 2000, he was elected in 2001. 2001 would be his term.

But is four years younger than, yeah, than Biden is right now. Wow. He's an old man. He's very old. He's a little shit. What we're talking about this is that we're recording a lot of stuff in advance this year.

That's right. And it is just funny that the world may be very different. Yes. And we'll just be like, what's up? Exactly. Man, my Fourth of July was crazy. But I do think that people are going to want, the thing is people are going to want that escape.

So I think we're doing this from that standpoint. It's not going to not, there's going to be a gauntlet no matter what coming. We all are the rapid. We're getting, you know, we're all bottlenecking in our tubes. It's going to get crazy. We're going tocking in our tubes. It's gonna get crazy. It's gonna get a little crazy. Let's talk about some vegetables.

I definitely wanna talk about some vegetables. This is August, so we've got time. Yeah, this episode's coming out in August. Emma did pitch that we will bank a, we bank an election night special. We just like record it now. That's hilarious. Yeah.

Let's do it. That's hilarious. I like that. Okay, so I wanna talk so I wanna talk about vegetables. We have much to discuss, but I do wanna talk about something that came up just before we began, which is that your last name, Marine,

is very close to Amelia's last name, Marino. That's right. And then also you have the same initials. We do. Your thoughts. I think we should get married and be a power, you know, Arden and Amelia, Marina, Marine. That's pretty good.

That's pretty good. That's a hot power couple. Yeah. And then when we have our little baby, what was my son's name gonna be? Stromboli. Stromboli, Marina, Marina. That's amazing.

That is it. That's a family that's like, oh, they're wild cards. They're like, I feel like we could do anything we wanted in this, the world would be our oyster. I agree with you. No, I love this plan. I also like that this is our hard hitting, do you think like the view talks about their guests

about like, that they have similar names to one of their producers? I think so, probably. Oh really? Yeah, they're just kind of fucking around in that show, right? I mean, yeah, it's that, we got Whoopi doing some crazy things here and there,

and off you go. God bless Whoopi. You know what? I had a Zoom with her a couple times, and she was awesome. Wow. And she was everything you want Whoopi to be. That's amazing, because I like the...

If you got her the name Whoopi, you're going into comedy. She was great. It's like having, Whoopi Cushion. Yeah, well, it's a nickname, right? It's not her the name Whoopi, you're going into comedy. She was great. It's like having Whoopi cushion. Yeah, well, it's a nickname, right? It's not a given name. I don't think it's a given name. Anyways, I could be wrong.

I don't know. I was gonna say that I like- If my name was Cream Pie, I'm going into comedy. Or, or. Or. Well. Her real name is Karen. Wow, she's a Karen.

But it's spelled C-A-R-Y-N. Okay. It's a fun spelling. But the two movies, Ghost and Sister Act are both just perfect movies, and she just carries both of those movies. She's so good. She's so fucking good in both of them. I rewatched both of them before my Zooms were here. Wow. Ghost, you also forget how good Sway of them. Just locked in. I rewatched both of them before my Zooms were here.

Ghost, you also forget how good Swayze was. Yeah, man. And then the bad guy, wasn't it Tony Goldwyn? Yes, Tony Goldwyn. He was great. And then Demi Moore was great. The whole cast is great. It was great.

But an awesome script, too. It was just a perfect film. It was so good. And then Sister Act, Whoopi is incredible. She's so good in Sister Act. And that's a movie that sounds so dumb. It's like, okay, you're gonna go undercover in nunnery and then you watch it and it's just like,

when she's singing to the Pope at the end, you're just like, so excited. She's so good. She's a blast. She's so fun to watch. Yeah, we love Whoopi. We love Whoopi. I love Whoopi. She's great.

I'm eating raisins. I think people today now just know her as not in the salad. Not in the salad. Not in the salad. We got salads. No raisins and salads. But I think there's obviously a generation that just is like, oh, yeah, she's on The View and doesn't know she was

a huge movie star in the 80s and 90s. Huge movie star. Yeah. Huge movie star. Yeah, I feel like, yeah. And The View ladies are always getting in trouble for something. They fight over thin. It's true. Like, you know, I start, I feel like, yeah. And the view ladies are always getting in trouble for some. They fight over thinning.

It's true. You know, I start, sometimes I feel like they get bored and they just start saying shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Who doesn't? I mean, that's what this whole show is. Yes. We just start saying shit.

We get bored. Agree to agree. Can we, while we're talking about movies, I don't think I've asked you about this on the podcast. Yes. You have a scene in the movie Kinsey, a movie I really, really enjoy with Liam Neeson. First off, it's kind of a heartbreaking scene

because your character is like- The most sexually broken woman in America. Exactly. Wow. Typecast. Do you have any specific memories of that shoot, of that film? I do, because I remember,

I remember it was also John Krasinski's first role ever, and he was playing my husband. That's right, and he's kind of like, your character's like, I'm frigid, and he's kind of like a douchebag of like, what? Kinsey's like trying to talk him into four point. I got a question for you. When they were like, quiet on set,

did you see Krasinski go, quiet on set? This gives me an idea. Can you just push my face? I need to write this down. He's a giant dick. It's an Ebyon bottle. It is very funny that Liam Neeson is Kinsey and he has the Evian bottle.

It's like him, Uncle Milti. He's supposed to have a huge tit. So Janice Dickinson has a book, The Supermodel, and she talks about sleeping with him and she gave the colorful description of like, yeah, he unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out. I remember like, not to be too, but I remember there was a moment in time. Avion? Avion? I say Avion. There was a moment in time, like 15 years ago, when Jon Hamm was like peak madman and

he was walking around. He was walking around Central Park in linen pants with no underwear, and the New York Post was like, Jon Hamm's dick is out taking him for a walk. They made me laugh. They made me laugh so hard. Anyway, here's my memory. Yeah. Am I going to be remembered as like the opposite for comedians? No.

No. Being other, I can't even think of others. There's no other notable. No. You got to stop saying it. You got to just spread the rumor. Look, my body should let puberty cook a little longer. That's OK.

You gotta stop saying it into microphones. You gotta stop saying it into microphones. It's OK. It's OK. That's true. It's true. You're OK. You gotta stop reinforcing it.

Yeah, that's true. There's nothing wrong. It's OK. I'm good. Of course you are. Everything's okay. I'm good. Of course you are. Everything's fine. Okay, back to your sincere question and not your dick. You're okay.

We all have things about ourselves. So you just gotta, don't speak against yourself. Okay, what I want is, I was really nervous and we only go in for like a day or two. So you're trying to like, you know, I always try to be low key, like and be pleasant and prepared. But he was actually really lovely

because he knew I did comedy stuff and he had just at the time discovered The Simpsons. Wow. And then so, and then I was at the, I was good friends with Dana Gould and who was writing on it at the time and the Rob Cohen who was also writing on it, who was also the, they drew Millhouse after.

So I was able to... His brother Joel worked there when I was there. His brother, yeah. So Rob had been a PA on like the Tracy Ullman show, where they started, and then they loved, he was like 18, so they drew Millhouse for him. Which is such a funny thing to have. And he still looks like Millhouse. But so I was, I was thinking... Bill kind of looks like his brother too.

Yeah, they look kind of identical. Yeah. But I was thankful that I was able to, like he was so excited to talk Simpsons. So it was sort of, you know, cause it's intimidating. It was nice to be able to go talk about something that he was excited to sort of like talk about that stuff.

And then I was able to be like, oh, I'll tell, you know, my friends that you love the Simpsons. Things like that. Yeah. Do you remember any specifics of like, was he like, I love Dr. And then I was able to be like, oh, I'll tell, you know, my friends that you love the Simpsons, things like that, yeah. Do you remember any specifics of like, was he like, I love Dr. Hibbert or anything? Was there any characters he was willing to do? I can't, I mean, it was so long ago,

but like he really- I love Dr. Hibbert? I like Mr. Burns. Yeah. Who cares about Mr. Burns? I love Dr. Hibbert. I'm Dr. Hibbert. By the way, fucking, I just want to say,

the little rascals, they don't got fucking tiny dicks. Oh, see, you're still doing it. No, I'm putting down these fucking, these other, these comedy people, Baby Herman from Roger Abbott. You're giving other people arrows, you're giving other people arrows to shoot yourself with, you're a champion. No, no, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Fucking the little rascals are pathetic.

Yeah. Okay, alright. Wait, now you're comparing yourself favorably to the little rascals? Yeah. You don't have to put down the little rascals to fuck yourself up. Yeah, what did the little rascals do to you? You don't have to hurt people, hurt people. Well said. Hurt people, hurt people.

Well said, yeah. Why are you looking at me? I don't know, you just punched down at the rascals. They deserve it. About dick size. What, you gonna come at Vern Troyer next? Come on. I worked with Vern.

I worked with Vern. How was he? I worked with Vern. Recipes Vern. RIP. I know, RIP Vern. I worked with Vern and also on the same shoot, what's his name, from Stern. What's his name?

Beetlejuice. Wow, yeah. Okay, so Beetle, we had like, it was during, it was in Bubble Boy, Beetlejuice. You said his name twice, I'm just letting you know. He squeezed my tit during a chaotic scene and I was like, afterwards I was like, Beetle, what did you do? He was like, afterwards, I was like, Beetle, what did you do?

He was like, what? I was just picking your oranges, okay? Oh, Jesus. My God. But then, but then, I had a soft spot for him because then later on, there was like a fight scene between he and Vern. And Vern was literally like the size of a baby.

Yeah. And, and Beetle was like as a little, you know, maybe twice the size of him. So they kept being like, get him, Beet, get him, like in the fight scene. And I remember Beetle wouldn't like, wouldn't be rough with them. And he was like, oh, he's, I didn't want to hurt him.

He's just a little guy. So it was like, you know what I mean? It was like, I sort of in the end, and in the end I had a soft spot for Beet. Yep. I don't know what to say. It's a lot. I just threw a lot at you. It's a lot, I threw a lot at you.

Okay, it's Supreme Me Too. People are like, just go with it. You're like, that didn't seem right, but okay. Who wished the podcast existed Supreme Me Too? What's the only stuff about that? I can tell. Well, Verne Troyer,

I became good friends with the guy who, there was an Austin Powers bar in Glendale. Right. I became friendly with the guy who played the Verne Troyer. That's nice. Mini me at the Austin Powers bar. He was a very nice guy. Where was that bar?

It was like outside the America, it was like across the street from the Americana. Were you a regular? How did you, did you go there a lot? Was this your bar? I was, if I, if like Americana. Were you a regular? How did you, did you go there a lot? Was this your bar? I was a, if I, if like, Is this where you do karaoke? If I'm a regular at the Awesome Powers bar,

like the fat bastard bartender knows my name when I come in, that's not a life I want. No, I'm glad that that's not how you knew this person. No, I met him there, but I saw him like three times after that. But you were there, you met him there. I went to it once. I went to the Austin Powers Bar once. Look, that's fun. I love the theme.

Or actually, you know what? I went twice. I like the theme. I did go twice. OK. It seems like it's a limited run you're going to have with that establishment as a proprietor. Yeah. I also want like how much, how many costume performers

they have. Oh, yeah. Did you go? I never went, no. You never went. This is like a pop-up. Yeah. I think Bugman went a bunch. That sounds like him. I think Bugmane went a bunch. That sounds like him.

I think Bugmane went to the Austin Powers Bar multiple times. Yeah. Austin would come around and he would, and then there was Mini-Me. And then I think there was like girls in like go-go dresses basically. Sure, you'd have to have that.

Yeah. Was there like a Frau Warbyssona or anything like that? Were there any other of the characters? No. No Dr. Evil? Calm down, there was no Frau. Mindy Sterling, right? Yeah.

So good. She's great in it. No, there was nothing, I feel like that was kind of it, yeah. No Scott Evil. No Scott Evil. It's tough because you don't know how far you wanna push the theming.

And it's also like- Scott Evil would be a hard one because it would be like, hey, who is this guy with spiked hair or something, you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. But Austin, it feels like so many people can do, like, sort of a broad Austin impression.

Yeah. It's just like its own thing. But I'm surprised there wasn't a Dr. Evil. Agreed. There might have been a Dr. Evil. There's a possibility there was a Dr. Evil. Did you go? I went to the fucking thing.

He's never seen the movie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hey buddy, have you ever wanted to learn more about wine but can't figure out where to start? Or when you do start, it just feels like too much. Our next partner, Naked Wines has changed the game for learning about wine without having to take a whole class about it. This podcast is sponsored by Naked Wines.

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class for 50% off your first box plus 50 free credits with class pass. That's code doughboys class at green chef.com slash doughboys class to get 50% off your first box plus 50 free ClassPass credits. Green Chef, the number one meal kit for eating well. I like your shirt. Thank you. Nice shirt. It's cute. From DXL. It's very cute. I don't know what that is. The big boy shop. It's cute. It's a nice polo. I like the little waley on it. I love it. Cute. Cute. You like the little waley on it. Yeah, kind of a little shout out to Pyacon. It's very cute. I don't know what that is. The big boy shop. It's cute. It's a nice polo. I like the little waley on it. I love it. Cute. You like the little waley on it.

Yeah, kind of a little shout out to Pyacon. It's cute. OK. And the whale. I would say that DXL should probably not. With that, I can get by. Ha ha ha ha. DXL shouldn't be so quick to put whales on their clothing,

I feel like. Actually, that's a point. That's a good point. Yeah, but it's Vineyard Vines. Vineyard Vines, clothing, I feel. Actually, that's a point. That's a good point. Yeah, but it's Vineyard Vines. Vineyard Vines, yeah, yeah. That's really cute. Nice brand.

And anything to say about my Jake Lloyd episode one shirt? That is pretty good. I love your Jake Lloyd episode one. I've been eyeing it. It's very cute. Thank you. Now this is podcasting. Very good.

Anything to say about my jumpsuit? Arden, I love your jumpsuit. I said that as soon as I saw you today. Thanks, guys. I put it on for you guys. I was like, what am I going to wear? Arden, I love your jumpsuit. I said that as soon as I saw you today. Thanks guys, I put it on for you guys. I was like, what am I gonna wear? I was like, my purple jumpsuit. It's so fun, I wish I could wear a jumpsuit. You can, they make it.

I want some. Yeah, they make it. These are unisex. I don't think I have the build for it. You can give it a go. It's over in Highland Park, Big Bud Press. Okay. Yeah, try it.

I always wanted to get an Adidas jumpsuit as a boy. I never got one. That sounds fun. Yeah, like a all green Adidas jumpsuit as a boy. I never got one. That sounds fun. Yeah, like an all green Adidas jumpsuit. That sounds fun. That would be fucking cool as hell. Hell yeah. The fun like kind of mafia guy look too. I love it.

I wasn't trying to be a mafia guy. I was trying to be more like a... Run DMC? Yeah, right, like a hip hop guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I almost said Mark Wahlberg. I was like, I don't wanna go like that. You're gonna say like a guy from South East. Yeah, like a hip-hop guy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't said Mark Wahlberg That is not that is not what I want

That's not the look I get the key your car there. That's better. Sorry, my bad, my B. That is better. My B, my B, my B. Okay, I wanna, you mentioned something. You mentioned making a reservation. Yes. I, now, you're the one Arden I feel like I've known over the course of my life.

It's a lovely name, it's a kind of unique name. Do you give your name and Arden when you're like at coffee shops or making a reservation or whatever? I do, but sometimes if I can tell, like there's certain times where I'm just like, I can't. I'll just do like a Sarah. Or some- Oh, Sarah. Yeah, like there's sometimes when would you like, no,

A, like you just know it's gonna like log jam someone. Yes. You also must get this, sometimes when you're like stuck like on a plane, someone starts talking to you, you're captured and they go, what do you do? Sometimes I will just be like, I'm an advert. You know what I mean? I do design. Like I just any, when they like tell me a joke, what do I, anything I know you like. Tell me a joke is the craziest thing to say to someone. Tell me a joke is so defensive or like, what have I seen you in? Like, I don't know you like. Tell me a joke is the craziest thing to say to someone. Tell me a joke is so defensive or like,

would have I seen you and like, I don't know what you watch. I don't know. I was like, I'm in comedy and they're like, oh, you don't seem like that. Like you're not too joking too much. Yeah, you're like, so I will sometimes just give a fake profession. I do that.

I actually do do that all the time. What do you say? What's your fake profession? These days I say that. Butcher. I should take a butcher. I'm going to be a butcher from now on. That would be a fun thing to try to bullshit your way through.

Because if you start being asked about cuts of meat, you're like, all right. I'm going to rip my way through this one. I think if you respond butcher, people will be like, oh, okay. I think that they will not have any follow-up questions. One. I also feel like there's a lot of ton of lady butchers. So that would be... Oh, yeah, oh, okay. I think that they will not have any follow-up questions. One. I also feel like there's a lot of ton of lady butchers. So that would be excellent. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I was a butcher, that would be so exciting.

Just be carrying around like sides of me. I don't know. Okay, what do you say? My actual thing is I used to- The lady butcher sounds like, it sounds like, well, it sounds like- It sounds like a guy that's like really popular with the women.

I'm a lady butcher. I was thinking more of like, it was like an ID show. Oh, like a serial killer. Yeah. Okay, that tracks, that tracks. Kind of on the nose for a serial killer. Lady butcher. I was thinking it sounds like a series.

I was saying like a series, like the lady butcher off Lady Butcher for the lady. I was saying it sounds like a series. Oh, sure, yeah. Like the Lady Butcher is like, she is the one who's the, who's the. Oh, it's about, it's a she. Oh, so it's like Killing Eve. It's Lady Butcher. It's a Lady Butcher, yes.

Got it. She's the Lady Butcher. Okay, wait, what's your profession? I will say that I, sometimes I will just say like, these days is I work in audio production. That's specific. And so it sounds, it's specific, but it also is like kind of like,

it invites maybe some follow-up questions, but it also sounds general enough where people are just kind of like, oh, okay, I kind of get that. So when they ask, so it's usually, so then when they do a follow-up, what do you say? Like, oh, you know, like I help a podcast. Yeah, exactly. Like I work on podcasts and I usually try to just kind of downplay,

it's like, it's nothing all that interesting. Because also it's like, it's not that interesting. So I just would like sort of, you know, I can usually dismiss those things, those questions. The person who's doing audio right now is like, go fuck yourself. No, I don't mean that. No, no, I get it. It's very interesting.

It's very interesting. Cause it is not that interesting. What the fuck, I just bought a house from that. I begged my life, I went to college for this. Okay. We fucked up. Most people's eyes glaze over when I try to explain in detail what I do for a living.

They're like, audio, what's that like? And if I go further, they're like, uh-huh. And I'm like, okay, cool. What should I say? Sorry, same thing. What should I say that I do? Well, okay. I like advertising.

Advertising's great. Advertising's creative. The other thing I would do is I would say I worked in technology, or if I want to be more specific, I worked in video games, because I did, and so I can actually talk about that a little bit, but it doesn't dox me specifically right now. Okay, I like that. But do you have like a like, oh, I did this for a time,

I worked in this business for it, is there anything like that where you can go on I was an elf at Macy's Santa Land. OK, there you go. Year round. Can you imagine now? I'm full time at Macy's as an elf. Yeah. You could call yourself like a Santa-ologist or something.

I'm a, I love Christmas. Yeah, all right, I'll come up with something. Yeah. Yeah. Santa-ologist. Santa-ologist is pretty good. I like Santologist. Santologist. I'm a Santologist.

That's a good, I mean, people will be like, okay, or either people are gonna be like, okay, and stop talking to you or they'll really start talking to you, yeah. Tell me more. How about Park Ranger? That's good, I'm a ranger. I work in the office at, I don't know.

Yellowstone? I work in administration at City and then for the park system. Yeah, there you go. You could say that you deal with afterlife stuff. That's fun because it's also like, like you speak to spirits. Okay.

Okay, that's good. Like you're a medium? Yeah, so you're a medium. I'm a medium. Yeah. And somebody's trying to talk to you, sir. Okay, that's good. Like you're a medium? Yeah, so you're a medium. I'm a medium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And somebody's trying to talk to you, sir. And then you can just, and then you can just

Yeah, that's the thing. That's what you're gonna run into someone who's just like my uncle passed away and I didn't get to say anything to him. Yeah, you're trying to shut down, you wanna be as like a, as blunt, you're trying to shut down any further chitty-chatty. That's why I kind of go like,

I wanna try to make whatever I'm doing, and I'm great at seeming dull anyway, like that's kind of my default, I want to try to make whatever I'm doing and I'm great at seeming dull anyway, like that's gonna be a false thing. Yeah, okay, okay. So I'll just, whatever I'm doing, I will seem dull. Okay. And, but also if it really feels like it's coming back

at me, I will just redirect it at them. Yeah, I like that. So where are you from? I've learned to do that. My friend says that I've never met a stranger. People like to talk to me. Sure, I can see that. Oh, and so I've learned how to just,

to kind of be like a reflecting board back at them. Yeah. And be very vague and just like keep throwing it back. Yeah, anytime, if you just ask a question that they ask you back to them, people love to talk about themselves. Yes. You can just kind of keep that ball?

Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's talk about- I don't even like, when we're traveling and stuff, I don't really even like to talk to you, honestly. What are we gonna say to each other at this point? That's a great point. Oh my God, that's so sweet.

We put the headphones on, or I like him sitting with like, I'll chat with our guests more so. Sure. Yeah, me and Gabriel will chat it up. That's gorgeous. And you'll be playing some sort of Nintendo Switch game. Yeah, we're having fun.

Let's talk about the Garden of Eden, specifically onion today. Onion is part of the Allium family, which includes garlic, scallions, shallots, leeks, and chives, we'll get into it. Has been cultivated for 5,000 years, how about that? That's a long time. So much of civilization's history.

People have been eating onions. Originated somewhere in Asia, the most common theory is Central Asia, but some trace it to what is now modern Iran or Pakistan. It is mentioned in the Bible, which isn't true about a lot of fruits and vegetables. And also, Pharaoh Ramesses IV was entombed with onions in his eye sockets. How about that?

Wait a minute. At first, in the Bible, they're like, oh, man, that Mary had a sweet onion. I thought, wait a minute. I thought... Oh oh man, that Mary had a sweet onion. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. That's not too sage. It was basically like the peach emoji of.

Okay, wait, what are the onions in the eye socket? Someone had buried with onions in your. Yeah, I believe it was like a, like kind of a good luck and kind of good vibe sort of thing. Like it was like, you know. Wow. So that that's, he was mummified

and he had fucking onions there. Man. Isn't that wild? I love it. Cause you don't want to get onions in your eyes generally. No way Jose. No bad news. No way.

Today, India is the global leader in onion production. 50% of global onions come from India, China, and the US, three countries. And onions are toxic to dogs and cats. So, Jemmy, beware what we got on the tablescape. And cats, huh? Dogs and cats, yeah. I mean, that's good to know.

Yeah. I was still like, now, they, when I was asked to this, always, I'm always thrilled when I get the call. We're thrilled to have you. Always thrilled to have you. So delighted. And then when I was, when I saw the twist that were in vegetables, they're like, is there a vegetable?

And I thought I was going to do a butternut squash. I was gonna, but then I was like, you know what? Let's have dealer's choice. Let's see what gets assigned to me. Cause I don't wanna go in with a pre-existing theory on something. And we went onions. I was so excited.

I was like, that is fucking a crazy assignment. Onions? Like who even, that's a, it is a vegetable. It was such a strange choice that it made me really excited. And I really, I take my doughboys very seriously. Yes, it's true. I do. No, we know. So I have all kinds of onions and-

Wow. I loved it. I love onions. I loved it. I like them raw. I like them in an omelet. I like an onion soup. I like them cooked into a burger.

I like them raw on a burger. I like them sauteed on a burger. Everything's better with onions. I like a taco with like little onion chunks. I like them. Oh man a burger. I like to sauteed on a burger. Everything's better with onions. I like a taco with like little onion chunks. I like a taco. Oh, man, that's so fun. I mean, look, if I didn't have to kiss people

from time to time or talk closely to somebody, I would just eat onions at every second of the day. Not a worry for the boys. OK. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. I also love onions. Oh, obviously. My. Okay. Okay. Okay. I also love onions. Obviously. Huge.

My twin flame. Huge vegetable. Twin flame. Twin flame. I love onions. I will say that I think perhaps why they feel like an odd choice and they do to me as well. Though like when I think about it,

I was like, oh, it kind of makes sense to be talking about onions in these contexts. It's not something you base a dish around. No. Like so rarely are you eating something like, this is like an onion dish sense to be talking about onions in this context. It's not a, it's not something you base a dish around. No! Like so rarely are you eating something like, this is like an onion dish. It's almost always a part of something. But it makes, it elevates, it makes everything better.

It's like Kristen Wiig. Any, she's a main course, but then also like, anytime she shows up in something, it's better. Yeah. Hey, liver and onions is a main course. Or like, like a Walton Goggin. A Walton Goggin. Every time Uncle Baby Billy shows up, it's like, give me my, I just want to see him in whatever he does.

He's great in everything. I'm goo goo for Goggins. I'm goo goo for Goggins. I'm goo goo for Goggins. I'm goo goo for Goggins too. And I feel like, I feel like the onion is as good as a Goggin. Well, I liked Goggin back in the day on the shield. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I got it like, when you were like, you know what? I am gonna add the onion for whatever it is. It makes a salad better. It makes an omelet better. Everything is like, you just jam it into a sandwich. It's better. You put it in a grilled cheese.

I mean, it's a- It is, you're right. It's a Drew holiday, Wags. It makes, it makes the, whenever it's added into a, when it's an added component, it just makes the whole better. The straw that stirs the drink.

That's, there we go. That's what Jackson described himself back in the day. I think a Vidalia onion is my favorite. Love a Vidalia onion. I love a sweet onion. Yeah. And- Also the onion. I love the onion. We'll get I love a sweet onion. Yeah. And. Also the onion.

I love the onion. We'll get into it. The onion. Yeah. I have one thought. On the onion? Yeah. I love to hear it.

Yeah, please. I feel like I'm gonna get in trouble. No, you won't. I'll say this first, also before you get into your thought. I used to be a contributing writer for the onion, but this was many years ago. Well, this isn't- And I still wanna hear what you have to say. Well, this is not about you.

And I don't even remember who did this. Yeah. But I had to go get interviewed about comedy. Okay. With a person and it doesn't matter who. Is this the AV club part of The Onion? It was The Onion Onion. Oh, this is The Onion Onion.

This is The Onion Onion. And we were all talking, there was like five people from different parts of comedy life. Sure. And it was about comedy. And everybody was like talking about who their inspirations were. And that person said that they were their own inspiration.

And I'll never forget that. Wow. Wow. The person from The Onion said that? Yeah, and it wasn't kidding. It wasn't a bit. No. That's a strange, strange thing to say.

It was like, that just was like copy noted. Just I'll never forget that. Wow. That's wild. It was a wild answer to a reporter when the rest of us like, I love whatever, Gilda Radner. I love like Molly Shannon. I love like anything, Mill Brooks,

whatever you love, you know? I love myself anything, Millbrooks, whatever you love. I love myself. Fuck the onion and fuck Beetlejuice. That's my takeaway from today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, both of them. Fuck both of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Mitch, my inspiration is you. Aw. That's bullshit. We got white onions, we got red onions, we got yellow onions. So Vidalia is a yellow onion. Now like, I like yellow onion a lot.

Me too. I feel like the white onion gets a lot of juice and I feel like the red onion gets a lot of juice, but I think that yellow onion sitting right in the middle is sometimes the sweet spot. She's the, she's, she might not be the one that first girl you notice at the dance. Yeah.

But then when you like, she's not the flashy one, but then you're like, wait, who's that at the dance. Yeah. But then when you, like, she's not the flashy one. But then you're like, wait, who's that over there? You know what I mean? Yeah, then at the reunion, you're like, shit. Yeah, she glowed up. Who's that Vidalia in the corner? You know what I'm talking about? She's the Mary of the fuck Mary Kill, then.

She's the Mary of the fuck Mary Kill. So wait, what's the diff between the purple and the white? You're making me nervous about the fuck Mary Kill with the onions. Which one is the fuck, Nick? And would you like to take it to the bathroom? He's gonna fuck the red onion. He's gonna fuck the red onion.

I probably would fuck the red onion, yeah. I know he's gonna fuck the red onion. He's gonna marry the Vidalia. You're gonna kill the white onion? I do like white onion, but it's contextual, and if one gotta go, I think it's probably that one. What's the difference between the white and the red, taste-wise?

So the red is like a lot. I think red is my bottom one. What's the difference between the white and the red, taste-wise? So the red is like a lot. I think red is my bottom one. Red is your bottom. The red is very oniony. Yeah. I like how oniony it is. I like it sliced on a burger. Yeah, it's great on a burger.

I used to love red. I maybe loved, red onion was maybe my front runner at one point. Yeah, that was your girl. And now she's gone down. She's a... You know what? You've been with her too long. I've been with her too long. It is, that's your girl. And now she's gone down. She's a... You know what? You've been with her too long.

I've been with her too long. It is. That's what it is. The app got invented, and then you discovered the Vidalia and the white onion. That's kind of what happened. It is. You're right. I mean, like, there are instances where red onion is great.

Obviously. I don't dislike a red onion. Yeah, it's like the red... Oh, okay. Oh, it's like the red. Oh, okay, oh, he's getting, he's getting closer. The red, I think Mitch is picking up the plate with three onions on it. No. Don't get it too close to Jemmy.

It's toxic to dogs and cats. If they eat it, for God's sakes, not if she smells it. Anyway, so the white is like kind of the, I would say kind of the mildest. Past the onion. The yellow is more sweet. It's got a good smell to it. Let me smell her. The red or purple is a little bit more oniony.

OK. Just a little more pronounced and pungent. OK. I think the white onion is the one that smells the most right now. OK, because the yellow, I think, is the least pronounced. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

OK. We're smelling onions here. I love you. Oh, yeah, sorry. I love you. Daddy loves you. Daddy? Baby girl loves you. You? Daddy, baby girl loves you.

You're a beautiful baby girl. I'm gonna take you shopping. Ooh, you know what? This actually, this smells. Now you're acting like President Biden. The smelliest one is the white one. The smelliest one was the white one, I agree. You love it?

Yeah, I like that red one a lot. But I agree that the yellow one has, but it might also just be the layers on top of it, right? Juggle, juggle, juggle, juggle, juggle, juggle. I know he can do it. I know he can do it. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I know he can do it!

Oh my God, he knocked a drink over and it spilled everywhere. It's just a stone, it's just a, it's okay, it's just a water. There's so much more where that came from. Yes, yes, yes! He's doing it, it's okay it's just a water there's so much You know he can do a post magic. Wow! Wow! I didn't know he could use the journal. I know he could. I know he could. Hey, look at me. You fucking side show. I loved it. I loved it.

One, two. That made me feel protective of you. I loved it. Reminds me of my brother. Did you do magic as a kid? No, I never really did magic. There's an onion right by your foot. Would you please hand it to me?

It's my foot onion. And now there is a piece of onion on the floor. It's OK. It's OK. Jimmy won't eat it. Yeah, there's onion everywhere. I'm sorry about that. It's raining onion everywhere.

I don't think the onion skins will hurt her. The red onion is also just gone. We'll never find it. It's going to smell like onion here. I can see it. It's under Arden's chair all the way in the back. It's OK. It's safe. I got my eye on it. What's going to happen is the Hollywood handbook guys are going to find an like onion here. I can see it. It's under Arden's chair all the way in the back. It's okay. It's safe. I got my eye on it.

What's gonna happen is the Hollywood handbook guys are gonna find an onion in here. They'll be like, who left an onion in the studio? That's my security onion. That's my security onion. Emma, can you get me a knife? Do you mind if I run to the bathroom? Yeah. No, perfect timing.

Great. All right. We're back. We may have taken a break. I'll just say we're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. No, perfect timing. Great. ["The Daily Show Theme"] All right, we're back.

We may have taken a break. I'll just say we've taken a break. We took a break, and we're back. We're back. Mitch cut some onions. I cut the onion. And it smells so onion-y in here. But Casey asked if we could get an air freshener.

Yeah. An air filter. Air filter, I'm sorry. It's right outside. I don't think we can get it. No, we don't have to. I was just like, we can turn it on if it's in here. We should just get it. Get ready, I'm sorry. It's right outside. I don't even get it. We don't have to. I was just like, we can turn it on if it's in here.

We should just get it. Get ready, because it's going to get worse. Because that was the least onion-y one that's been cut. The other ones are... I'm cutting the onion. I cut the onion. Is that like a fart? Cut the cheese.

Cut the cheese as far as... Oh, it's cut the cheese as far as... Cut the cheese as far as... Yeah. So what's cut the onion? I don't get anything. I mean, it's probably worse. Cut the onion is like what Al Roker talked about. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yes, I started myself. I've cut the onion once. He was lovely. I bet. Yeah. I'm gonna say this about the inside of the onion

Look at this beautiful inside of this onion here. Oh It's nature it's just very layers Layers of the onion look at a cross section of our mother earth itself Yeah, we're in there. Yeah, see all the different layers. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna take a little piece out I'm gonna eat it. Wow. Okay, Mitch is just eating raw onion. Now you mentioned, so you can have these things raw, you can have them sauteed, you can have them grilled,

but like there is something very satisfying about a raw white onion, and you talked about, and I wasn't even thinking about this, but like the onions, the raw onions and the cilantro you get on tacos is so satisfying. A street taco. A street taco so satisfying. A street taco. A street taco, yeah. A street taco with the spoonfuls of the white onion.

It's so good with some like chalula. Oh, girl. Yeah. So good. Or whatever salsa they got there. Just like, give me all the fixings. Give me the fixings. I'll just toss it onto this al pastor taco

and get enough spit on the street. I've gone, we've done Kava. I got every- Oh, wow. I did it with you guys. Oh, we did Kava, yes, yes, yes. And we every- I thought you said I did Cabo. No, I wish.

Every single fixin'. Like, I can't not have a fixin'. Yeah. And, what's wrong? You don't look okay. No, no, it's just the straw. I guess- What did you expect?

Look at his face. I just turned around and I saw this. We've done two other vegetables that we had in studio. And I guess you did eat the endive. You did not eat the broccoli. I could have. You have to eat it. I was having a colonoscopy.

I couldn't eat the broccoli. Endive is a real more interesting. We had a good experience with endive. OK. When we talked about it. How did you eat it? I maybe overrated End Dive in the end. How did you prepare it?

Why was it good? It's so boring. Well, this is the thing. It's pretty. Well, Tom, and when we do End Dive 2, I have to reevaluate. Can I come back for End Dive 2? Of course.

Like, Crabba Galoo? Sure. You're on next week? Can I come next week? How did you eat it? We had an end. Our wonderful guest, Jessarona, was here and is an endive enthusiast, and I think that's part of why we're a little juiced up

on endive, but I will say that when I've had endive salads or when I've had like some, you know, some grilled endive, I think it like holds up really well. It's got a great like bitterness to it. It's a good scoop. It's a good scooper. I like it for the dips, for the actual, it's a nice shaped, and it's a good scoop. It's a good scooper. I like it for the dips, for the actual, it's a nice shaped and it's a satisfying scoop, but like.

It's specialized. And, and there's- Look at how beautiful the red onion though. That is gorgeous. It's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. Onion is much more of a utility player that works in so many different contexts.

You know, part of why I like, going back to red onion, part of why I like it is cause you see it a lot, I feel like an Indian food and I love Indian food, it's one of my top like three cuisines. So I think that's part of bipartisanship for it. I also wanna give a shout out to a winter roast with like a roasted carrot, roasted pearl onion. Oh yeah, pearl onions.

Pearl onions. Oh man, how fun are those? With like a Yorkshire pudding or a pop over and a pearl onion and some butter. Girl, girl. Girl. Girl. Girl.

Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Good girl.

I have a really good Indian recommendation if you're in London. I will pull it up from my phone. It was, I was dating a gentleman for a year and a half whose parents were from India and he said it was like some of the best Indian food he'd ever had. Wow.

And he was an incredible cook and his family is incredible cooks. So like I eat really good food and we went to this restaurant and he was like, this is awesome. That rocks. It was awesome. Here's the crazy thing when I,

now that I've cut into all these onions. Yes. The one that we said was the most mellow, the yellow onion was the one that gave the biggest onion hit. I like that you're just getting in at those onions over there. Like.

That's a red onion. How was the colonoscopy? Did it hurt? It went great. How was the fluid beforehand? The red is maybe the strongest one. Is it? Uh-huh.

Stronger than the white? Rank them and strike. Red, then? Honestly, the white was the weakest of the three that I ate. Why? I think you will try some. You want me to try these onions? I do. What are we gonna, what do you use the white was the weakest of the three that I ate. Why is I going to let you, I think you will try some. Do you want me to try these onions? I do.

What are you going to, what do you use the white for? I guess you use it for the tacos. Yeah, I think that there's, you know, I feel like I'll, hmm, if I'm making like a sauce at home, I feel like a lot of times I'm using like yellow onion, but I think a lot of times those call for a white onion. I mean, it just is reminding me that onion on its own is very strong.

Yes. Like nearly off-putting, and I love onion. Well, that's why even if you're having, like, a, you know, an onion-based dish, it's in the context of, like, a soup, or it's something like where, like, a, where it's reduced down a little bit, or it's covered with breading, like an onion bhaji or an onion ring, you know?

Oh, onion ring. It's a different sort of, like you're, you're not just getting onion. Can we give a shout out to like a Lipton onion soup based dip? Oh yeah. Right? Absolutely.

Those cheese dips you put on like a Melba toast with some like cheese and onion, like powdered onion soup dip. And it's disgusting and delicious at the same time. I used to do that all the time when I was a kid. Like we'd have the Lipton soup packets at home and then I'd just mix those with like some sour cream or whatever they did. That's it.

Some mayonnaise, whatever it was. Yes, yes. So good. So good. There were times where I remember when you were going through a rough period, you were doing like bumps of that stuff. Yes. I caught Wiger in the bathroom snorting.

Free-basing Lipton soup packs. I'm gonna eat a little white onion. He's doing a little white onion first. It tastes good. I have to go to the doctor after this. I feel like I can't show up just reeking of onion. You don't need to eat any of these onions. I cannot show up for a physical oozing of onion.

The doctor will be proud of you. Onion, I think, has some nice health properties. I feel like they'd be like, are you OK? Like, you know what I mean? Your whole body is like sweating onion right now. Oh. Oh. Wags, what did you have second?

What did you have? Yellow. OK. Yeah, it's a little milder. I thought the yellow was actually the strongest. It was what I thought. Interesting. I'm going to look up that restaurant while we're chatting.

Actually, the red was probably the strongest of any of them. Yeah, I had a little bit of red onion. The colonoscopy went well. I did, I did delcalax. That's the drink? I did, no, delcalax, you just take two delcalax pills. That red's the strongest. The red is the strongest.

That's the most potent. Delcalax, just the two pills. Okay, so you don't have to do the drink. So I did it Sunday, Monday, and then Tuesday, and then Tuesday you don't eat. So I did those three days. That's hard. Three does a row, and then on Tuesday I also did at 6 p.m.

You just buy a bottle of Miralax. Okay. And you do half the bottle of Miralax pour it into a Gatorade and you mix it up and you drink it, and then the next morning, six hours before your appointment, so at 5.45 I woke up, I put the other half of a Miralax in the Gatorade, mixed around and drank it down.

Did you go back to bed afterwards? I did, and let's just say, I didn't need an alarm to wake up. I sharted, I sharted. I told Wises, and we've said it on the podcast already, but it was very funny. I said to the nurse, I was like, I might have to go to the bathroom again. And she said, don't worry, the tube will eat it all up.

And I was like, oh my God. And then she went, it's hungry. So that is, we've told that story the other day. Wow. People told me that the tube should come on the podcast. Yeah, we'll get the tube on. The tube. Let's- Fran, I think Fran told me that come on the podcast. Yeah, we'll get the tube on. The tube.

Let's- Fran, I think Fran told me that, Fran Gillespie. Wow, the tube. Let's talk about a type of onion that we not have on our tablescape and that we have not tasted here, but I think is a key part of my onion fandom, the green onion. I can eat green onions, I love them.

You can't eat them. They really upset my tummy because I love green onions and I've gone to town eat green onions. I love them. You can't eat them. They really upset my tummy because I love green onions, and I've gone to town on green onions, and that's what I've learned, that green onions don't love me like I love them. Interesting. I think they're too fibrous. Sure, okay.

But they're so tasty. I can't do, but I, because I would get them when they, remember when like poquito maz, you could just get like a side of grilled onions? Oh, yeah, they used to do that. This is the thing, I think, that, and Baja Fresh used to do the same thing, where they'd have like a side of grilled onions? Oh, yeah, they used to do that. This is the thing I think that, and Baja Fresh used to do the same thing, where it would have like a big sprig of green onion

that was grilled with your- So good. Yeah. I'm not being rude, I'm just looking for the restaurant. No, no, no, please. I look at my phone all the time. No, I'm just trying to get the restaurant for you. I need you to go. I was just going through Twitter just a second ago.

Yeah. When it comes to green- I smell the onion now, it's exciting. Or if it's a, if you're, if it's a Grinch in your green, no thank you. If you're an onion in your green, yes please. I guess there's no non green Grinch's, is there? Unless they've expanded the Grinch-a-verse,

I think it's just the green Grinch, yeah. It is just the green Grinch. I don't think there's other Grinch's. Okay, good point. When it comes to onions, it's green as money, baby. Although I guess if you're gonna do like a Grinch. I don't think there's other Grinches. Okay, good point. When it comes to onions, it's green as money, baby. Although I guess if you're gonna do like a Grinch prequel or something like that, Grinch might go like to Grinch land

and there's other Grinches. There's a yellow Grinch. Why couldn't you just let me die? Why couldn't you even let me die on it? I couldn't, I- Blue Grinch. The grenade blew up. Even among the Grinches, he's the outcast is the thing, which is why he has to go to Whoville,

and then he's so grumpy. Yeah, yeah. And then he real, like, wait, these people finally accept me, even though my own people exiled me. What color are all the other Grinches? Are you the bench who stole Christmas? Do you call me the bench?

Like a Grinch bitch? Sorry. It is kind of a bench. I'm not a fucking bench. You're a bench. That's bullshit a fucking bitch. You're a bitch. That's bullshit. I just popped back in. Sorry.

Okay, I'm still looking. This is all just me. This was when my friend and I were like, where's Kate Middleton? That's why I'm going, this was, I'm just going back to the- Oh, so that era. Oh, man. This was for pre, where's Kate Middleton? I have to go back.

Right. There was so much discussion of where's Kate Middleton. Well, who's your favorite green character? You got Slimer, you got the Grinch. Yeah, you got the Hulk, the Hulk. Ninja Turtles, the Hulk. Hulk is pretty good. Hulk is fun.

He's like half the time, he's not green. Yeah, I'm thinking, because I don't wanna, I feel like I'm gonna overlook something and then later on I'll be like, I should have thought of that. You know what I'm gonna say right now, and I might amend this, I feel like Yoshi. Now here's the thing.

Shit. Yoshi comes in a bunch of different colors. So like, you know, again, maybe perhaps much like the Grinchiverse, we don't know. We haven't explored that yet. Sure. We'll see it in the prequel. But there's like a blue Yoshi who can fly.

You know, there's the yellow Yoshi with a power stomp. There's the red Yoshi who breathes fire. They'll have different attributes, but green Yoshi is the default Yoshi. And I feel like when people think of the canonical Yoshi, they're thinking of. There's the red Yoshi who breathes fire. They all have different attributes, but green Yoshi is the default Yoshi. And I feel like when people think of the canonical Yoshi, they're thinking of a green character. They're thinking of a green. I always thought Yoshi was the name of the green.

They then kind of made it like, oh, it's like all these species are Yoshi. It was kind of both at once. It's both this guy is Yoshi, and then they are also all Yoshis. Cause that was introduced in Super Mario World, and there were multiple Yoshis in that game. And so I thought that like Yoshi was,

and that, well, I thought it was like his brothers. Dishoom. Dishoom is the name of the restaurant. Yeah, Dishoom. Dishoom. Dishoom, go to Dishoom. Oh, go to Dishoom. You, Mr. Man, who loves Indian,

you get yourself to London. He doesn't go, he hasn't crossed the sea. I've never crossed an ocean. You gotta go to go to Dishoom. It'll be on my list if I ever doesn't cross the sea. I've never crossed an ocean. You gotta go to go to the dis-you. It'll be on my list if I ever go. You afraid of a flight or something? A little bit of that, yeah. I'm not judging you.

You could take the Queen Mary. You take the Queen Mary the whole way? My family did. Wait, like the new Queen Mary, right? The other one's docked in Longby. Yeah, you could take the boat. You can take a boat all the way to another continent? Yeah.

That's wild. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, like it's the old world. Yeah, you can do that. Wow. If you need to, or maybe just don't try to. Look, who knows? Maybe there'll be a gold belly, but for Europe,

and you can just have them fly it over. The Titanic, don't forget. Yeah, I mean, that's. Have you won by the last plane you took? We flew last year, don't forget. Yeah, I mean that's dead. What was the last plane you took? We flew last year, I feel like. Didn't we go on tour last year? Oh, you sound so thirsty to saying it.

You hate it. OK, you know what? No, it's not bad. It's fine. I'm not here to judge you. If you got on my boat, I wouldn't be worried about it. We all have our quirks. I get scared of lots of things.

I'm scared of heights. If you got on my boat, I wouldn't be worried about the iceberg. I'd be worried about that Titanic ass of yours. If you got on my boat, I wouldn't be worried about the iceberg. I'd be worried about that titanic ass of yours. Yeah! Yeah, that onion. Yeah! Freaking sink the boat. Sink that boat.

What's hashtag top green for your favorite green character? Okay. Oh, I love that. Who's yours? Hmm, probably, probably Yoshi. Yoshi's good. I mean, Michelangelo. You like Kermit though.

It's a Kermit, you're such a good Kermit. Kermit, wow, Kermit is number one. Oh my god. And he sings, it's not easy being green. And the rainbow connection. Yeah. Wait, what were you saying? You said something about...

When was the last plane we took? It would have been with you, right? Yeah. Do you remember Emma? When did we tour last? Last summer probably. Was it last summer? Did we go to Chicago or something?

Did you take drugs? I've been, so I've been doing more the THC slash CBD seltzers lately. Okay. Which I don't like, yeah, and you know, my problem is like I drink too much and so like I have not been doing that and I take breaks off of alcohol, but I've been doing this instead.

It's like great cause it like calms me down. Good. And I also don't drink like six of them. Whereas if I'm having like a beer or a bottle of wine, I'll just keep drinking. Understood. Yeah, I get that. But I haven't tried, I haven't paired that with,

you know, flight anxiety. I haven't seen what would happen. Let me just fucking knock you out. I'll knock you out with a Billy Club or something. Like Mr. T on the old A team. Billy Club. Like Mr. Who? Mr. T on the old A team? Oh yeah. Yeah.

He was scared of flying and they'd knock him out. Aw, did Murdock take the hit? I forget who did it. I think it was Murdock. Amy? Do you remember Amy? I do remember Amy, yeah. Here we go. I will crush on Amy.

Obviously. Yeah. Not the Sonic Amy. Oh, I mean, you know. Look. Yeah. Is there a good, is there a green Sonic character? I guess Vector the Crocodile.

I'm trying to think of any others. Oh, that's pretty good. I think it's just Vector. You'll go down as one of the great big ass men in comedy, by the way. Do you have an ass? Do you have an ass? A little bit, plays it up. I have a little bit of a tocus, yeah.

Great. He's got a tocus. Good for you. That's great. Tankus. I like that. Look, we all have our things. We all have our things.

I got a long torso. Yeah. I got a corgi proportion. I got a lot of things things. We all have our things. I got a long torso. Yeah. I got a corgi proportion. I got a lot of issues. I got a lot of issues. Guys, you're thriving. You're champions.

Thank you. Thank you for being nice the whole time. It's true. Can we talk about, go on. Fuck. No, I forgot what I was gonna say. Was it about green characters? Was it about asses?

I think we, how about your hog hog being bigger than alfalfa's? Hog, hog and alfalfa in the same sense. My hog is- Alfalfa? My hog is- Little fucking idiot. My hog is bigger than alfalfa. Barbel goes up the tailpipe,

you look for it, you fucking fool. I mean, yep, yep. Yes, well first of all, yes, my hog is. I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, well, first of all, yes, my hog is bigger than Alfalfa's. Fucking pathetic. And then, oh, I forgot. It was about onions.

I had an onion question for you, and I forget why. Well, OK, let me just talk about some other onion bullet points here, and maybe we'll get, maybe your mind will reorient. What's your favorite is green onion? I do love green onion. I think if I had to like, yeah, I love green onion, but the thing is the green onions are a lot less useful. Again, they're a lot more specialized. So I guess of the main ones, I'd probably go red onions,

but this is what I was gonna bring up. You're not gonna go for my girl, Vidalia? Well, I do love Vidalia a lot. They're all good. But I, this is the thing, I will say that, and it's actually technically, apparently now, a species of, or a varietal of onion. It was a separate species until 20, 2011 rather,

but was reclassified as a botanical variety of onion, shallots. To me, shallot is a perfected onion. I love shallots. Agree to agree. They're so good. I like shallots as well. I rememberot is a perfected onion. I love shallots. Agree. Agree to agree. They're so good. I like shallots as well. I remember I was going to ask you, what do they mention about onions in the Bible? Did you look it up?

I'll bring it up. It's in the book of Numbers. I'll bring up the exact verse. Is it an emoji? Is it an onion emoji? You looking good today, girl. Doubt shall not tempt me with that onion. Are there emojis in the Bible? I don't know if they were around back then. I think there were. There were. I think there were. Eggplants.

Like side eyes when they mentioned Judas or whatever. In a way, what were hieroglyphics but the original emoji? Wives, I love that. I agree that I I love that. I agree that I also love that. Okay, here we go. The book and numbers, 11-5. We remember the- Spells like the show?

Yeah, it's spelled like the numbers with a three instead of an E. That's where they got it from. They stole it from the TV show, that was the first. The book of Krumholz. Huge fan. We remember the fish, he's so good. We remember the fish, he's so good in Oppenheimer.

He's really good. Anyway, we remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. That's a meal. That's a very breathy meal. There's not a lot of toothpaste then. There is, there is not. No. But maybe that is like,

it's better to mask it probably back then, right? I would have had, I would have been so fucked looking. I've had eight teeth pulled from my little mouth. Wow. Eight. Can you imagine how gnarly I would look if I had eight extra teeth jammed into this face right now?

Yeah. Eight teeth pulled. I would be like a snoggle tooth. I would be like a Fraggle Rock character. if I had eight extra teeth jammed into this face right now, I would be like a snoggle tooth. I would be like a Fraggle Rock character. Where were the teeth? Were they molars? I had four regular molars and then four wisdom molar. And they all got pulled.

And it's still a tight teeth mouth. We're kind of like Gorgs. We're kind of like the Fraggles, the wags and I. The things that the fraggles are afraid of. If you saw them, you'd agree we're kind of gorg-like. I didn't remember the name of them, but I went with you. The gorgs, they're the gorgs. I think that, yes, if I was sucked back in time,

I don't know what that, I don't know why I was getting sucked back in time. You gotta get sucked back in time. Like I threw a portal as well. No, it's gonna take some power to suck us all back in time. Yeah, so if I got sucked back in time, I... First off, you got that little moment where you're flying through the space-time continuum

and like, whoa, this is gonna sell. Yeah, you're like, oh, sure, where am I gonna land? Yeah, and like a clock goes by and stuff. And you're like, shit, I hope it's the roaring 20s, kind of. That would be kind of fun. But then you're gonna get the Great Depression, the dad to do, it's the prohibition, go ahead. But then, and you also know that you're like,

when you go back then and then you're gonna be like, I met a lady and I was like, it's my great grandma, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, if you go back in time, you're bound to hook up with your great grandma. You're gonna hook up with your great grandma. It's just gonna happen, you know it's gonna happen.

She's the best. Yeah. Okay. I, not being able to brush my teeth, I think would very much annoy me. And now that you say it, the onion on my breath is annoying the hell out of me. It is really strong and lingering. It's lingering. I don't smell it if it makes you feel any better.

It does. There's just so much onion in here that. Yeah, it's maybe masking the, yes, it's probably just filling up the room anyways. But if you were back in the biblical times, we just had to eat mint, I guess. Like what the fuck did you do? Yeah, what did you do?

I don't think it was that hot. Also, we'd all be dead by now. That's a good point. I think people weren't face-to-face as much. I think that's part of it. I mean, who knows? Anything's possible. You don't think people were face to face as much?

I don't know. They were all on their apps and their phones texting. You know? Not being able, and so you do make a point with onion is you need gum. You need gum. You need gum, you need like a Listerine, you need a brush, you need a whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's delish. But like a raw onion, if it's a raw onion, like what you guys just free-based, you need to know you don't have anything very important later that day. You know what I mean? Yes. You know, I'm actually, I did.

It's one of the sweat vegetables. You're sweating it out. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a vegetable. Very. It is a vegetable. It's a vegetable. It's, I, I just, just going back to pre-toothbrush, pre-mouthwash eras, I think there's also a part

of just like everything smelled so bad all the time. Cause you were just like next to like open sewage. People were just like throwing their waste into the street. You know what I mean? And there were just fucking animals, like farm animals just everywhere. Think about how much worse we- Jesus stunk?

Probably, probably everyone smelled. Of course. Think about how much worse we smell now than we're gonna smell in like 400 years. Oh smelled. Think about how much worse we smell now than we're gonna smell in like 400 years. Oh man. Think about how disgusting we are currently. Yeah. That's a great point. You know?

Will people even be like using the bathroom? No, they would have had it removed as you were discussing earlier. That would just all be gone. What the hell are we gonna, what? He opted out, he didn't want it removed. The wygers of those generations with your big, beautiful tank

asses, what are they going to use them for? I always want to be inappropriate and be like, I want to see that ass. And I was like, I can't be. I can't Beetlejuice him now. I can't get myself canceled. But you keep talking about it. So I want to see it.

I'm not going to look. Oh, we've said Beetlejuice like six times, which would bring the actual Beetlejuice here and back. So it's- You know what? Myth busted. We're myth busters today. Yeah, nice try Beetlejuice.

A little, a little. Okay, here's the thing about the onions. And I don't know if you were experiencing this while you were cutting them, Mitch, but you're chopping onions, you're gonna, you might tear up a little bit. Now I used to think I was immune to this, and then I just realized what it was,

for years I wore contact lenses before I got LASIK. Did that protect you? It protected me, and I kept on cutting onions and I never had an issue with that. I don't know, y'all ever wear contacts? No. No, never. No, you're both just glasses wearers. But I'm curious if any other contacts

wearers experienced that. That's interesting. It's really strange. I didn't know that, I guess that makes sense that it would protect you, but that's never occurred to me that a contact would protect you. I do cry like a little bitch when I cut onions. Yeah, me too. Me too. I also cry. I cry a lot now, yeah. How has been doing the vegetable episodes?

Like, how is it? Were you nervous at first? I don't know. I think... Mitch, how do you feel? I feel pretty good because I think, like, how do you feel? I feel pretty good because I think, like, it's like... It's interesting. First off, there's more to talk about than you think. I was excited. I was like, I woke right up. I was like, challenge accepted.

And it's also like... Made me think about it. You know, we're gonna do, like, the alternative is like, okay, we'll do Chipotle 5, you know what I mean? We're gonna go back to Chipotle for the fifth time, and we're gonna do... Right. And it's just... No, no, I like it.

Like that's another heavy meal that we have to eat. No, let's do fruit sometimes. Well. Arden, we're doing fruit behind the paywall, so. Can I come? I mean, if you want. Of course. Yeah, what fruit?

I like a peach. Peaches are great. You know what? We might not even get to peaches this month, so you're welcome back for the peach shot. I want peach. You got peach. Cause peach really you wanna do during peach season though.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've done, so far we've done strawberries. I love pineapple too. We're gonna be talking pineapple. We're gonna be talking pineapple. I mean I love pineapple. You love pineapple. Mitch's favorite fruit.

I love pineapple. You love pineapple. I love pineapple. How do favorite fruit. I love pineapple. You love pineapple. I love pineapple. How do you like to have a pineapple? I have it every morning. Every morning? Every morning, I have pineapple. Like fresh pineapple?

Yeah, girl. That's right. That's why we're... Twin flames. Twin flames. We are, we're twin flames. Twin flame, girl. We are, we are twin flames.

That's right. We are. Girl're Twin Flames. Twin Flames, girl. We are, we are Twin Flames. That's right. We are. Girl. Girl. So what, like, what do you have it with? What don't I have it with? I have it with, okay, I have two bowls. I have the same breakfast every morning.

Thank you for that. Two bowls. Two bowls. Oatmeal and yogurt. I used to do Greek yogurt, now I do Siggy's vegan. Siggy. I do the plain. I love Siggy's vegan. I do the plain. I love Siggy's. And I put in raspberry stevia on it.

And I do oatmeal. And I put the pineapple in the oatmeal with banana and blackberries. And then the Siggy's plain vegan yogurt, I do pineapple, blackberry, banana. And in the oatmeal, I put cinnamon and vanilla stevia. And in the Siggy'sies I do raspberry stevia. And then I have some coconut oil in the oatmeal

and then I have flaxseed and it's so fucking good. Oh my God. Let the circle be unbroken. Wow. I gotta say, I just gotta say that sounds so fucking good. Yeah, so fucking good my twin flame, you understand me. Twin flame, you understand me. Twin flame, you understand me. Twin flame, you understand me.

Very good. Do you want to try it? Do you like? What did you do? What did you do? Twin flame, you understand me. Twin flame, we understand. He's just not getting it.

Do you like pineapple? I think the twin flame thing is your thing. I don't feel like I... There can't be three twin flames. I feel like I'm kind of the third wheel here. Do you like pineapple? I do like pineapple. I do like pineapple, but I don't think it's...

Do you like pineapple? Twin flames, you understand. Try it again. Twin flames, you understand me. That's the most eye contact he's ever given anyone. It's horrifying. I don't like the understanding. Very much so.

I saw you and your core when you juggled. I see you and I like you. I like you too. I do, I like you. What a hoot. I see you. That didn't seem as warm. That didn't seem as warm. That didn't feel as warm.

I'm gonna take it in the Avatar sense. Okay. I see you. That's fair, Wags. Let's talk about leeks. All right. Got one of my freaking ceiling right now. All right.

And it is the vegetable. How about pickled onions? Oh, yeah. Love a pickled onion. Ooh la la. Put it in a martuni. That's really fun. A gimlet?

Come on. A martuni? Martuni. Is that like a cartoon martini? Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A martuni. I love a pickled onion.

And I like an onion in a little. A martuni. Yeah, a little cocktail onion. With a little tiny gherkin. That's fun. Girl. Love the gherkin. Girl.

I'm trying to remember that the context I'll have pickled onions in specifically. And I'm trying to place them because I'll have them with some frequency. But I- Gherkins. Are they on tacos a lot? Yeah, like tacos.

I love a pickled onion in a taco. That's what I'm thinking of. Me too. I like pickled onion a lot. In fact, Wiggs, when I went, you were with me when we went to, when we went over to Sweet Green the other day, I asked for extra pickled onion. I get pickled onions on my home state tacos.

That's what I'm thinking. That's very good. That's specifically what I'm thinking of, the home state tacos. Twin flames. Yep. Twin flames. Gherkins remind me of those little fucking little rascals. Okay, easy. They're hungry like Gherkins.

Calm down. Put it away. Calm down. Those are fightingals. Okay, easy. They're hungry like gherkins. Calm down, put it away. Calm down. Those are fighting words. He's mad. Yeah, I love a pickled onion and I also- I almost just wanted to scream, show me that ass when you just- Well, the ass was eating up those,

Wogg's ass was hungry. He was pulling in those shorts. I adjusted my shorts it. Okay. Okay, we talked about onion rings, but I want to talk specifically in the chain restaurant sense of, there's the Outback Bloomin' Onion, and then there's also- I keep getting back onto onion. The Chili's Awesome Blossom.

Okay. Two big onion dishes. I love chilies. Yeah, I do like chilies. I love chilies. Yeah, but the awesome blossom, I always thought came first, but no, it was a copy of the Bloomin' Onion

and they've removed the awesome blossom on the menu, I believe, I think there's just got the menu. Very misguided move. Who doesn't wanna be like, three awesome, three awesome, awesome, awesome, three awesome blossoms for the table, please. Awesome blossoms. Awesome, I would do an awesome, man,

I would do an individual awesome blossom. It's a very good take down on your own. They're like 3000 calories. They're so caloric, but they're so good. How many onion rings do you eat? How many onion rings do you wanna eat in a meal? Six. That's pretty good.

Six is pretty good. You get like a basket for the table and you have in six of those bad boys. Yeah, that sounds about right. Ketchup. I do ranch. I like ranch too. Or like an aioli. I've never had that.

Onion rings and ranch. It was never an offer. Oh wow. Six do ranch. I like ranch too. Or like an ale. I've never had that. Onion rings and ranch. It was never an offer. Oh wow. Six is perfect. I mean, I would do that in a heartbeat. Yeah. Maybe five onion rings. All good.

Four awesome blossoms in your pants at three. Okay, here we go. Show it. Show it. Show it. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. If I was like, Have they never done that before?

Yes, it's all. Have they never done a 12 days of, like 12 days of eating? Oh, I'd be like, yes, I'll. Have they never done that before? Have they never done a 12 days of eating, like 12 days of eating? Oh, there's your next, there's your next thing you're doing. We got five onion rings already written. Five onion rings. Wait, are you saying we do that as an episode?

Four ho-hos, three, four ho-hos, three, three. French mustard. French mustard. French mustard. Mustard. French mustard. Two. Chocolate turtles. Two chocolate turds. And a partridge. Partridge.

And a partridge. A partridge. In a pear. We eat the pear. In the pear. Look, we'll work, by Christmas we'll have this figured out. We'll figure it out. By Christmas we'll have this figured out.

We'll get a writer's room together and punch it up. We'll have you come back. We'll crack it. We'll have you come back for the Christmas episode, and we'll have you sing that. Look, it's just a sound engineer and a lady in advertising trying to come up with it right now. We'll bring in the real deal.

Do you, like, OK, so the dipping sauce, though, with those is like an aioli. It is like an aioli. It is like a little bit more of a... I love sauces. So I asked the number of unhearings because I was at Bird's the other day. I did ask at.

Oh, OK. So Bird's is a bar near the uprights. I didn't ask at. I know. Were you the story guy with the monologues? I was an improviser. OK. I'm always the monologist, never the bride.

Well, you get in there and improvise, I say. Do you want to improvise? Yeah. You should. Yeah, you should. I did for years.ologist, never the bride. Well, you get in there and improvise, I say. Do you want to improvise? Yeah. You should. Yeah, you should. I did for years. Yeah. Okay, great.

Who booked it? I'm not in charge of it. Was it Patrick? It is Patrick. Patrick Condor. I'll reach out to him. I'll reach out to him. Byrds is a bar right next to the

Upright Citizens Debate Theater on the Strip of Franklin. Franklin and Hollywood, and then they also is the name of the street. And then it's like a place where people will hang out after shows. Yeah. Ascat is like- Beer's and bar And then it's like a place where people will hang out after shows. Yeah. Ascat is like the professional basketball, you know, like the NBA, that's what Ascat is.

It's like the good team. It's like the dream team of comedy. Ascat is like the final. It's like the NBA finals. You made it. You made it. And let me tell you, it was like the garden in there after we were done last night.

Was it? Was it? No, I'm kidding. It's always just an okay show and I feel like I was the worst. You know what, that's why we like you. Because I feel like some of you were like, nailed it. I'm like, you're a dick. You know what I mean?

You want somebody who's like, was it okay? I like a little self-deprecating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you go to Birds. You go to Birds after. And what happened with your onion ring? They have an onion ring tower there, which is very fun. That's fun, I love a tower.

It's a tower. That's a blast. It's very fun. And they have three different, they got three different sauces. They got an aioli. Wait, do you still order by the length there? Like you still order by the height of the tower or is this one size?

They used, I don't know, I think it maybe is the same thing where there's two, there's a larger, smaller tower. Okay, you know like six inch, please give me the 12 inch. I'm not very hungry today, can get the Mitch Tower. Can get the Alfalpa Tower. Yeah, well the Alfalpa Tower, that's not, that's nothing. That's nothing, oh you're on a diet?

Mitch Tower is, you'll be good with the Mitch Tower. You'll be good with the Mitch Tower. Hey, one and a half onion rings. Tower of power, tower of power. You'll be good with the Mitch Tower. You'll be good with the Mitch Tower. One and a half onion rings. Tower of power. You might have to like eat on your own afterwards. Okay. Okay. That's alright.

You don't want to be a pig in public. You want to be a lady. You're on a date. You want to make it seem like you know, oh I couldn't possibly have another. Right. The six inch tower is perfect. Some may say it's even bigger than you even need, six inches, the six inch tower. Yeah, it's bragging.

It's kind of full of its stuff. It's doing victory laps. In the putt, I was thinking this thing. There's three dipping sauces. There's naoli, a barbecue sauce, and a ranch. Barbecue is fun. Barbecue is pretty fun. I love a barbecue.

BBQ. I like Dallas BBQ as a chain shout out in New York. Have you done that? We wanted to do it in New York. We wanted to do it, yeah. And I think that it got vetoed. I think I vetoed it. Why?

Cornbread, blue drinks, what? Because I was like, it's insane we're doing Dallas BBQ in New York and I didn't realize what the deal was. It's so fucking fun. I used to go there all the time. Are you crazy? It's my fault. Everyone will just get mad at me for it.

No, it's fine. We reviewed proper places. We do a review, but I think it would be a good one for you. It's insane. It's proper. Yeah We do a review, but I think it would be a good one for you. It's a giant! It's proper. Yeah. I was eating the onion rings and I was like, I like onion rings, but I was like,

how many onion rings am I good with? And that was the big question. You said six, and I think that is probably close to what I need to eat. Six is a good number, cause you're starting to eat more of that, cause they're really heavy and they're soaked in oil. Yeah, it's like a loaf of bread.

Yeah, it's like a donut six donuts like I will have a six pack of donuts with an onion in the middle. Right. But think it's just the versatility of onion. I mean, the fried onion onion soup, but it is that French onion soup. There's no God but there's just so much. There's so much an onion degree air. There's there's so much stuff where onion is the onion is the is the unsung queen of the vegetable kingdom. And we didn't talk as much about...

Oh, go on, finish that. No, no, I'm just saying, but again, on its own, by itself, no one eats it. You don't want to just eat an onion. No, that's the kind of thing, like if you're in starvation mode, and all you've got to eat is onions, I guess I'm going to eat an onion for nutrition. Like that's another desperate stage. And it doesn't even have to think of like, broccolini, you get like, you know,

you got like a broiled broccolini. You can eat broccolini on its own, sure. If it's just onions and they were seasoned and you wouldn't eat that most likely. Maybe you stew the hell out of it, you know, but then you're basically just making soup. How did you two onion lovers meet? Why, you and I?

Yeah. Two years ago, I mean, it would have been at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater doing sketch it, not too shabby probably. What year are we talking about? When your birthday boys were up there. 2006, 2007, when were you out here? 2005 is when I moved out.

Okay, so probably would have been somewhere around then. End of 2005, 2006. Do you know what next year is? It's your anniversary. Wow, 20 years of knowing, kind of knowing-wise. Do you know what next year is? That's wild to think about. It's your anniversary.

I think we actually met by the UCB dumpster, I think we were fighting over an onion, right? That tracks. That one's right. That tracks. Then Quallix curried out and stole it. That's where we bonded. My dog is inside out.

I'm gonna flip it. Well, it already smells like onion in here. We may just have a foot for a second. Sure, why not? If your foot smell overpowers onion, I would- It won't. She's a tidy girl. She's a tidy girl.

I thought so. She keeps it tidy. I got, you know- I take baths a lot. I'm very flat-footed. Do you really? I love a bath. What's your bath routine?

Because I've tried to take baths to, like, you know, again, for anxiety and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for anxiety. I had trouble with it. You, by the way, I should have warned you about just releasing your wild foot on camera. There's all... Oh, yeah.

My feet are already... Our freaks are going to go nuts. We can baby-flur out your foot. I mean, look, for all the pervs out there, I have very pretty feet. And it's already all over WikiFeet. I've got great feet. You have great feet. I have great feet. I have very Shrek-like feet. I have very pretty feet and it's already all over WikiFeet. I've got great feet.

You have great feet. I have very Shrek-like feet. I have beautiful feet and people have already jerked off all over the internet to my feet. Oh! I have well-reviewed feet. They're long and they're lean. I have long toes.

They're pretty feet. I have a high arch. Yeah. Weiger has pretty feet too. I think I do have pretty feet. My mom had pretty feet. My grandma had pretty feet. We have pretty feet in my family.

I have feet where that if I was in an ocean, if I go into an ocean, which some people do. Sure, swim? Or a pool. Sure, swim? And then I walk out, and then I'm walking out of the pool and you see my footsteps. Yes.

It looks like hands are on it. There's no arch. That's fun. But there's no arch at all. It's like a block. It's like a, there's no arch at all. But I think you're being a little bit self deprecating because I think you do have nicely shaped feet

and I think you take, you're very hygienic. You're well taken care of. I'm a hygienic man. Obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I have big flat feet. That's okay, it'd be weird if you had like a ballerina arch. That's true, yeah.

That's what you had, like a, he could be on like a toe point, that'd be weird. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah, that's fine. But I've blocked feet. You have appropriate feet, that's fine. All right, we should get to our final thoughts on onions.

Great. So Arden, for this month, we were rating things out of zero to five salad forks. So, and then, so we'll each individually give it a salad fork score, and then collectively, as a trio, we're going to decide if it's a green thumbs up or a green thumbs down for onions at large. So you're our guest.

We'll begin with you. Your final thoughts on onions, your salad fork score. Five. Wow, five. Loved it. I feel like it's one of those things where, imagine if we didn't have score. Five. Wow, five. Loved it. I feel like it's one of those things where imagine if we didn't have onions. Imagine like, look, I'm not a good cook.

You know how much better the onion makes like a mediocre chef? Oh, for sure. Like, if you even just like, if you want to seem like you know how to cook, just like stir fry up some onions before people come over. And it smells like you know what you're doing. Fart. So like, it's like that with garlic come over and it smells like you know what you're doing.

So like, it's like that with garlic, it at least presents like you can cook. And if you add it in, let's say you're a bland cook, the onions are gonna elevate, they're not gonna be your main dish, but they're going to really kind of masquerade or sort of like give a hand to a very mediocre chef. And if somebody is a good chef and you add an onion,

ooh la la, five forks. Five forks, wow. Five salad forks. Five salad forks. Spoonman, what do you think? You know, you made me feel very comfortable about having flat feet. Yeah.

And you know what I'm gonna be comfortable in saying? Yeah. The fact that I love onion. I think a thing that a lot of people thought was gross. I love onion. You know, like, like ogres eat onion. I love onion. And Shrek loves an onion.

Yeah, I love an onion. But I, but I, I love onion. And it's weird to me that people who don't like it, I get that it is, but there are some people who hate onion. Yep. Take the onion off of it. I don't like onion. I think they're- Dracula's maybe.

Imagine like a tomato sauce without onion in it. That's garlic. The garlic. Well, I wonder, because it's the same family as garlic though. So you think they're like, mm, I don't know. I'm a Dracula. I don't know if I should do this.

Little close, little close. Kind of adjacent. It's like if you have a peanut allergy having a cashew. Agreed. It's like, mm, I don't know. So also what would he be, where would he be eating where would he be eating? Where he'd be taking, Dracula's like blood.

Yeah. So there's a restaurant that has blood and onion? Yeah, obviously. Is he having a whopper or something? I don't know. I think you're just having blood. Are you just gonna eat some? I went right to the candy when you said whopper.

I got excited. Oh yeah. Do Dracula's eat other things besides blood? I think it depends on the canon, but I think some Dracula's do. You might need a whopper. Look, I agree with that in every way. Sometimes you need a whopper.

I haven't had a whopper in years. Let us tell you, you're gonna have a blast. BK is back. BK is back. Is it better than McDonald's? No. I wouldn't say that, but I do. No, McDonald's is my number one girl, obviously.

Go to the Valley. BK is hittin' though, generally. This is what we say. Go to North Hollywood or Burbank. Obviously. Or Glendale. Get yourself Burger King, get a Whopper there. You're gonna have a great time.

I can't wait. Also, the thing is, and I don't know where you are with meat consumption these days, but I'm generally trying to eat less, and all of these fast food chains have discontinued their plant-based proteins, except for Burger King is hanging in there with the Impossible Whopper

and the Impossible Whopper is hidden. I love an Impossible Burger. It's really good. I like that. I'm afraid you're gonna jinx it. There was a, there was in Glendale. So they all took them away, I'm sorry. They all got rid of them?

They did, they were all doing it and they were all like, you know, none of them were, they all felt like they were losing money off them. I get it. So like the McPlant, which was McDonald's one, went away. They named it wrong. Don't call it that. Okay, keep going.

Uh, there was a, there was a Burger King next to my trainers in Glendale. They moved in after I started going to the trainer. There's a, there's a Dunkin Donuts next to my Pilates class, which I love Dunkin Donuts. It feels a little fucked. I love Dunkin Donuts. The Dunk-Don't. We're from that area. I think I know where that is. Yeah. Okay. So, so how many forks? At water? Obviously, slavously. Yeah, yeah. What, how many, what are, are we twin flames?

We're twin flames. Is it number, how many forks? Oh. Twin flames. You see. Are we twin flames? How many forks? Twin flames.

Five forks. Salad forks. You see me. All right, is it, is it the circle gonna be a broken? So here's the thing. Oh. Jemmy is sitting up. She's waiting for your answer.

Jemmy's face was like, I don't know what that Illuminati shit is, but get me out of here. It smells like onions. It smells like onions. Do you want to meet Jay-Z? How about WillZ? Okay. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, get the dog, get the dog. There we go. I'm just touching Jemmy's paw, it's really cute. Now she's shrinking away a little bit. She doesn't like it. Okay, okay, what's the thing?

So, garlic is adjacent to onion. It's the same family, it's the same kind of plant. But like what you're saying in terms of just plussing up home cooking, the presence of fresh garlic goes a long way. And if you just toss some garlic in there. I got a question for Arden. Can you feel that my fingertip is sweaty?

No. All right, good. Yeah. Why, where's it been? That's not, that's not anywhere. This is reminding me of summer camp. We had, there was a thing at my music camp where if you touch two different poles,

they had like wires running through them. You'd shock yourself. That's fun. And so kids would try to make, I never did this, but kids would try to make a very long circuit because the more people you the more than more than was really really trying to break okay nothing to do with this okay so garlic turns out she does not like her onion and garlic cook at different temperatures

so if you throw the guy like you saw a tiny garlic for the onion for a little bit first and then you throw the garlic yeah just a couple minutes yeah this is hard yeah how many forks? But what is, oh, this is hard. You've been holding it. Yeah, holding the thing is hard. You have your arms up like this. I'll give it five salad forks.

Yay! Yay! But the only thing is twin flames to see me. What I was going to say is the thing, once I learned that shallots are technically onions, I was like, this is a five forker for sure. Cause my argument against the onion as a five forker would have been that I think shallots are just better,

but knowing that they're also onions, I'm just like, okay, well then they're included. Then we gotta give this whole grouping a five forker. So five salad forks, welcome to the elevated bed where you will rest here in the Garden of Eden. Did we look up what the thing is or no? No. No.

It was elevated bed, exactly like why you said. No, it's not. Look, it just really settled in. I feel like she's calmer now. She feels good. She did not like being a turn of flames. She didn't like any of that. She did not want to end her paws being touched.

Not like that. She's not. She's like, this feels weird. Yeah. OK. Hey, that was our review of The Onion. I feel like we gave the most thorough onion review anyone has ever given.

Really comprehensive. We touched on every, we touched on every. The only thing we didn't talk about is one of my favorite subreddits, Not The Onion, which is for people who- All right, let's hear a headline from Not The Onion. People who do not understand what the onion is. Oh.

So sadly, this is not the onion. For true stories, you could have sworn were from the onion. So you expect, like, OK, these are going to be onion style. They sound like jokes, but they're real. But what people submit to it are things like this. US patients charged for hospital facility fees, even if they don't set foot in one. Not the onion. That's hilarious. That doesn't sound like in one. Not the onion.

That's hilarious. That doesn't sound like a joke. It doesn't even, yeah, obviously. It doesn't sound like a joke at all. Obviously it's not the onion. It's a bummer, it's a bummer headline. There's nothing. Yeah, exactly. It feels very factual.

Yeah. Workers at TJ Maxx Marshall's Home Goods wearing body cameras. Here's what shoppers need to know. Not the onion. Like, give me the punchline. What do they need to know? What's the joke here?

Like, people are jerking off in the candle aisle. You know what I mean? Like, what's the final stent? It's a good setup. Yeah. OK. OK, this one is close. Do it legally.

Woman stealing car calls police on herself. We're almost there. They're all just too real. They're all too real, that's the thing. That's a good looking dog. Here we go. It is. That's a good looking dog.

It is. Here we go. Police apologize for mock shooting that left high school students terrified. Not the onion. It feels like the world is a nightmare right now. Yeah. We live in a hellscape. It's obviously, unfortunately not the onion. It feels like the world is a nightmare right now. We live in a hellscape.

It's obviously, unfortunately, not the onion. Yeah, horrible. All right, we got a segment. So this is a thing we've done before. This is Binge as opposed to Hinge. We will peruse profiles on the dating app Binge as curated by Amelia and decide if we'll be swiping left or right.

Yes, right, right. Binge came back. I want that. Binge is back. B right. Yes, right, right. Binge came back. I want that. Binge is back. Binge is back. I want that. That looks so good. The banana, the grapes, the berries, that so fresh swipe right.

All right. So this is for me is like, I'm like, oh my God, like I'm on binge. I want that. And Summer pops up, so it's Summer. I'm just going to describe it. Her name is Summer. Yeah. It's a bowl of fruit. There's grapes. Really good looking. Just really good looking fruit. Yeah, it's like. It's, I'm just gonna describe it. Her name is Summer. It's a bowl of fruit.

There's grapes. Just really good looking fruit. Yeah, it's like a fruit salad. And then- It looks gorgeous. Let's see here. The birthday is at one hour. Oh, it's one hour old. Okay, so that's not that old.

No. One hour old. What is it? Dog? They have a dog. They smoke sometimes. They drink. And they drink. And they drink.

That is a swipe right. I'm convinced that people who hog all the strawberries in a fruit salad are selfish. Agree with that. I think that hogging any fruit in a fruit salad is- I want the grapes and the banana. Which is which? I don't know how dating apps work.

Right is good. Swiping right is good. Here's my thing. I'm gonna see Summer. I'm gonna fall in love with her. I'm gonna swipe right. She's not gonna swipe right back on me. You think so, you think she's too in demand.

I think Summer's too in demand. I'm gonna say that the only thing that gives me pause is I don't love green grapes in a fruit salad. I feel like that's kind of filler. Speak for yourself. I like grapes in general, but in a fruit salad, I feel like this feels like a hotel life. The cantaloupe is the filler to me, not the grape.

You're being out of your mind. You don't like grapes in the food salad? I love grapes. To me, a grape is like, ooh, we're not at the Ramada. You're fucking fired from the twin flames. Grape is clearly the cantaloupe is the filler. I mean, just a foolish take. I'm pissed off.

I'm still swiping right. I'm just saying if anything anything's gonna make me hesitate. We're swiping right, that's on summer. All right, next up, we have a binge profile for Cobby. Cobby is, these are grilled ears of corn. They're slightly blackened, they have butter melted on top of them. The age is five minutes.

They are gemini's, how about that, Jemmy? Sometimes for pills, what is that? Sometimes they're into drugs. Sometimes they're into drugs? Look, whatever. I didn't know that was an option on Hinge. Maybe it's a GMO corn. Yeah, exactly.

And then a 10-inch hog. I am definitely swiping right. That looks so good. Look at that butter, look at the perfect charring. The butter alone, that looks like fresh corn. It doesn't look like- Yeah, it looks great. It doesn't look like just sort of, like, you know, you're at an institution.

It's just, this is good fresh corn. I got something to say about Cobby. So Cobby's here, it's like you're saying, it looks very good. I'm reading this stuff down here. The one thing I love to know about you is one, what side you're pairing, you pairing me with. Fake beans.

And two, what's your favorite genre of music? I gotta say this, copy seems a little too confident to me. Well, it's also like the right, the you and the you're like writing those as the letter you and the letter you are, feels a little like, and then the intentional lower case,

you know what I mean? Like everything's all lower case. And this is the thing, it's like, that's a good chart, but I'm like, Feels a little cool, too cool for school. Is it a little too charred? Is this, are we gonna eat this and it's not gonna be as good as it looks? There's a thing with place. And this is the thing, it's like, that's a good chard, but I'm like. Feels a little cool, too cool for school. Is it a little too chard? Is this, are we gonna eat this and it's not gonna be as good as it looks?

There's a thing with Cobby. It's a little self-conscious. It seems a little, it seems like it's trying to make up for stuff. It's been at Coachella too many weekends. That's kinda how I feel. Okay. But you know what?

Swipe right? Still, I would still swipe right. Obviously I would too. Because it might be, you know. You do. Mitch is saying it's the caption, but it's the 10 inches that are throwing him. Yep.

I'll swipe right on Cobby. It looks just delicious. I mean, look, 10 inches is insane. Yeah. For a corn cob, it's the caption, but it's the 10 inches that are throwing him. Yep. I'll swipe right on Kabi. I mean, look, 10 inches is insane. For a corn cob, I guess that's probably a pretty decent corn cob is 10 inches. It's good. I would swipe right. We'll swipe right on Kabi. Next up on Binge's Creme Ella. What the hell is this?

It's melted ice cream. This is melted ice cream. Creme Ella is a mess. It's 40 minutes. So it's 40 minutes old. It's open to children. It's open to children. Oh, it's at Jenny's. Location is Jenny's.

I am so fucked up that it's so, I love the weird look of the soup of that. I would swipe right so fast on that. I like that it's still frozen in the middle and then soupy and disgusting on the outside. I don't like the idea that somebody else started it. It's clearly started by somebody else. Like I don't want your after, like your sloppy seconds.

And yet maybe I'm desperate enough. I want that. I'm gonna swipe right. Let's just say Creme Ella is a freak. She says here, I bet you can't. And then she finishes with finish me before I melt. She is, she's horny. Cremella is a freak. She says here, I bet you can't, and then she finishes with, finish me before I melt. She is horny.

Cremella seems horny. Horny. She's randy. She's randy. What you were saying about the, there's the plastic spoon in it, and it looks like there's- Styrofoam bowl. And a styrofoam bowl, it almost looks like,

I'm just imagining someone else's saliva in there. There's definitely somebody else's saliva. You're getting something back on your STD panel that you didn't have yesterday. That is, that's true. Swipe right. Cree Mella, I would definitely. I would definitely.

I would definitely. Cree Mella, I would swipe right on. I know, twin flame. But twin flame, I mean, see me. But I feel like- You're gonna swipe right too. You might like yourself more than we do. I feel like if my mom saw me out on a date with Creamella, she'd be like, what are you doing?

She wouldn't like it. You're not gonna take her home to me, ma. I'm not gonna take Creamella home to me, ma, I'm not saying. Look, I'm not trying to just be contrarian. I'm gonna swipe left on Creamella just because I'm like, if I'm gonna go to the trouble of having ice cream, I wanna have like a proper, like I wanna have- No, no, you like yourself more than we do.

I wouldn't say that, but I- Come on, and you're, in your most, you're- Your monster. A night alone, Creme Ella comes over. Your monster, your dead eye, your lizard eye. You're not gonna, you're not gonna, you're not gonna swipe right on Creme Ella. It's here. All right, give me Creme Ella.

Swipe right on Creme Ella. Good flame, you see us. See us. Good flame, you see me. Sweet flame, you see me, Ella. Good flame you see. See us. Good flame you see. Sweet me. OK. Next up, Ralph. Ralph is a. What is that?

It looks like it's like a hot dog wrapped in a croissant. And it's going to be a butthole. Hold on, three days? Wait, what is it? Two days. Two days. What is it dunking into? So this is like a sausage wrapped in a pig in a blanket,

wrapped in a croissant, like the kind of thing you make in the oven at home. Ralph is two days old. This is an Aquarius that is Christian and spiritual and it's got a six foot one inch hog. I have myself up by- But what is it dunking into? It's six foot tall.

What is the red thing that it's dunking into? It looks like ketchup. I think ketchup because of the- Is it old ketchup? The comment below. Way too much ketchup. What does that comment below, Emma? It says, I hype myself up by listening to EDM daily

affirmations in the mirror and rolling in ketchup. So I think it's like, you know, you're jumping into ketchup. I'm gonna say Ralph is a mess. Yeah, Ralph is a- Is that six inches one? It's too much ketchup! It says it's six one. I love ketchup, I've never-

Is it six inches one millimeter? No, I think it's lying. It says six feet one inch. What I've been referring to is that it's six one. I love ketchup. Is it six inches, one millimeter? No, I think it's lying. It says six feet one inch. What I'm inferring from this is that it's lying about its size. So that's like a, like a, like a layer of this. It's Christian and spiritual. I honestly, I've never said this in my life

because I love ketchup, but that's way too much ketchup. Way too much. The ketchup, if it was only a little tiny squirt on a plate, I'd be all over, Ralph. But the amount of ketchup is so disgusting to me, I'm going to swipe left. Well, here's the deal there is that the ketchup has ketchup skin on it. I don't know if you can see that there.

Yeah, I can see that. Which is disgusting. It's two days old. Ralph is a mess. Ralph is a mess. And also, it just seems like very Christian and spiritual, but also is lying to us very, the Christian and spiritual, but also is lying to us right in the profile.

Yeah, I don't want Ralph. Ralph is, look, I'm not against biting, the dog looks good. Ralph is gonna be weird at me that like I own a house. He's gonna be threatened that like, like as a woman, he's not gonna be able to handle it. We're going left, we're swiping left. And it's not even a big, like a little tiny,

it's not like a big, like a little tiny house. He's gonna be like, oh, okay, must be nice. He's gonna be weird about it. Right. I can't. I do love Pigs in a Blanket, but we're swiping left. I'm gonna swipe right on Ralph. Well, let me tell you why. I think the ketchup is a part of it.

I think he's just gonna, I think he's gonna insist on like slathering himself in ketchup, and that's fine. I can power through that. I like ketchup enough to where I can handle that. It just, doesn't that look good? Doesn't like I can handle that. It just doesn't look good. Doesn't like the little hot dog and little croissant look good? The hot dog looks perfect.

The hot dog looks good. At its core doesn't that look like a two some bite? The hot dog looks perfect, but it's friend. It's crowd that it hangs with us. And I love ketchup. It picked, it read the room wrong. Ralph is just a mess. There's something there,

you're gonna do a lot of work there. He's gonna like insult you a lot. He's gonna be like, so you've got a room wrong. Ralph is just a mess. There's something there, you're gonna do a lot of work there. He's gonna insult you a lot. He's gonna be like, so you've got a little podcast. He's gonna be weird about like, so like, did you just start it? Does anybody listen to it? He's gonna be weird to you about it.

But I'm used to, I get a lot of that from Mitch, so I'm used to that. Ralph and I might be very similar in many ways. I think Ralph and I would have, that would be like a one night thing, but I think I would have a good time. Okay, just like a one night thing, but I think I would have a good time. It's two days old.

And it may feel bad about myself, but it's okay. Yeah, but I don't know, I think the hot dog looks good. It does look good, I will say the hot dog does look, it looks so good. I feel like I'd be more into that than eating cremella, which I've already, you know, agreed to. You've already passed through. All right, let's move on.

Next up is Virginia. Okay, this looks fun. This, Virginia, it looks like a pina colada, a little wedge of pineapple there, a little Mary's Pinocherry on top. One hour old. So it's been sitting there a little bit while. It's maybe sweating a little bit.

It looks like it's- To Scorpio, it is straight and it says no smoking. My most controversial opinion is I don't like Jimmy Buffett. That's gonna be a swipe left for me. If you don't like Jimmy Buffett, Virginia, that means that you got no sense of fun. You're this tropical drip. You don't like Jimmy Buffett, Virginia, that means that you got no sense of fun. You're this tropical drip. You don't like Jimmy Buffett, you're not gonna taste good.

I'm swiping left. Here's the issue. Virginia is just, I think, trying to underline that Jimmy Buffett did not write the Pina Colada song. Rupert Holmes wrote the Pina Colada song. And so I think Virginia is trying to create some separation from Margaritaville, which is the realm of the parrot heads,

and Rupert Holmes' town, which is where the piña coladas lurk. So I think that is why Virginia is making that point. I'm swiping right on that, even though that's been sitting a little bit. That looks delicious. Do you think Virginia's a virgin piña colada? Oh, I didn't even think about that.

With the name Virginia? I'm still okay with that. I will, because that looks yummy. I think I would like that a lot. It With the name Virginia? I'm still okay with that. I will, cause that looks yummy. I think I would like that on hotcakes. It does look really good. I like the pineapple. Yeah.

I'm gonna have to go with my twin flame. Something in me is like Virginia. I don't think Virginia, I'm not gonna laugh with Virginia. That's, I feel the same way. Virginia's gonna think that they're funny, but they're not gonna be funny. And I'm gonna be stuck with Virginia for the night. It's like, it's just a different life.

If I were to swipe right on Virginia, it's a different life for me. I'm like, I'm moving down to Georgia or something. It's just a different, it's not. You belong to a golf course. Yeah, it's just a different world. You have driving gloves and driving loafers. She's lovely, and I maybe even would swipe right

to just like go out a couple times or something, but it's not gonna work out. Understand. You love an island drink, that's the thing. I love an island drink, but this is the game here. It's all these things that are on top of it. I agree with my twin flame that- You're not gonna laugh.

I'm not gonna laugh. Can I ask a question about dating apps? I feel like when someone, I could be wrong about that. Does that feel a little pointed, including the straight magnet, or is that just a normal thing you do? That's normal. Okay.

Yeah. All right, let's look at the next one. Because sometimes I feel like when people are doing that, it's like kind of like, you know, I don't know if that's like an anti-woke sort of move. No, no, no, you said you're gay. Well, this is another question with Virginia. We don't know, that's what we're saying.

Yeah, Virginia might be problematic. Yes. This is the last one. All right, one more. All right, dipstick. Ooh, that's what we were talking about. That was onion. I mean, this is one of my boys from back home.

This is what we were talking about. That's an onion dip. This is an onion dip with a ruffle chip. What was that brand, that ruffle chip brand that came in the bag that was brownish? Oh, I know what you mean. And it was like sour cream and onion. Yeah.

Charlie's? Sounds right. Charlie's. You don't mean the modern- No, no, like old school. It's Dipston three years old. Yeah, that's what I was just laughing at. Dipston is three years old.

Dipston is moderate. And moderate. A Taurus practices monogamy. I like that. Unusual skills, treating a woman with respect, foot rubs, paying the bill, and seagull noises. Okay, Dipston's trying a little too hard. Oh boy, yeah.

Dipston's trying too hard. I wouldn't actually- Did Amelia just use one of my friends on Quincy's profile? Dating profile? Swap out the pic. Quincy does sound like a Quincy girl. I don't remember.

I mean, Dipstin I think I would like as a friend. I would like that as a friend. The single noises would be, the Dipstin, Dipstin would be this. I would be on the second date with Dipstin and it would be revealed that even though Dipstin's an accountant,

they've always wanted to try standup. I feel like that's what's gonna happen. Which is like, that happens to me a lot. I feel like that's what's gonna happen. That happens to me a lot. Like, and it's like, oh, I'm at level one at UCB right now. Like that's gonna be Dipston. So I think, even though I think I would really like a cozy night at home alone with Dipston in the photo, I think I personally, because of the bio,

cannot swipe, I have to swipe left. The first three are like, are like pretty try hard of like, look, I'm like, these are my, it's like almost like a job application level of like trying to pander to its women. And then it's thirsty. And then the seagull noises is like- I'm crazy.

And you know what, I'm thinking of the Bachelor Bachelorette franchise where that feels like the kind of thing there'd be some annoying guy who makes seagull noises and thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. And it's gonna be their catchphrase so they can try to make t-shirts for it afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm with you. I think this is a left, unfortunately. Look, I love the name Dipston. I love the name Dipston. I feel like I would be friends with this person. Three years old also is like, how shelf stable are we at this point? I mean, it looks good for three years old. It looks so good. It looks good.

Maybe the packet was three years old and they just made it fresh. It looks great. Okay. Or it's an old photo. Could be an old photo It looks so good. It looks good. Maybe the packet was three years old and they just made it fresh. It looks great. Okay. Or it's an old photo. Could be an old photo. Oh, Casey. Casey, you know what's up.

I like Casey. Casey. That's a swipe left. Casey, I like. So when they show up, they're like a big bowl of mold? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dear Lord. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, I gotta fuck this thing? I've got to. All right. That's the fucking game. I've got to. That's the fucking game. I've got you.

All right, let me roll up the sleeves. Wow. Dipston, you're swiping left. Guess I'm Marion Dipston. Yeah. I already killed and fucked the other two. Wow. Wow, we've really been through it.

We did it. Hey, just like a restaurant, about your feedback. You know what's going to be embarrassing? What's that? In a restaurant, by your feedback, let's have a quick feedback. You know what's gonna be embarrassing in a few weeks when you see me out on a date with Virginia? So I left, Mitch. And I'm with the one inch and the ketchup bowl. I was-

A double date, we're on a double date. Oh, hey, hi. Oh, Wikes, hey. Oh, hey. Hey. Hey. Which is I in the one inch sausage. Oh, you're getting licked. I am getting licked. Hey. Hey. Which is I in the one, one inch sausage. Oh, you're getting licked.

I am getting licked. Okay. Just like a restaurant, buy your feedback, let's open the feedback. Today we have an email from Tyler. Tyler writes, if you could commission- Oh yeah, Tyler Durden. I don't think it's Tyler Durden,

but we don't know for sure. If you could commission any artist to write a jingle for a restaurant, who would you get and for what restaurant? Burger Brigade for Life, like that, thanks Tyler. Don't like that. That's a lot. Any jingle for any restaurant, any artist. This is tough because it's so broad.

There's so many possibilities. I mean, like, I guess that one starting point is what's in need of a jingle. Doji Cat going to Fudd Rockers. Wow, I love it. Pretty good. Right? I like it.

I feel like that'd be fun. Fudd Rockers definitely could use like a brand boost. Yeah, a Doja Cat Fudd Rocker combo. That'd be exciting. I like it. I think for me, why am I just gonna combine my two favorite, two of my favorite things? Dave Matthews band and McDonald's.

Wow. His scatty take on ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I think it would be fun. It would be fun. Yeah. You know, I'm thinking of the Red Lobster brand, cause they certainly could use a little hand up right now. Didn't they close?

This is the thing, they were taken over by a foreign national company, and it happens with a lot of these companies. So either private equity comes in, or some, you know, some parent company basically just bleeds them dry. Okay. And so that's what's happened to them.

I think the brand will survive, but certainly they're going to need some image rehab. Okay. And who better to do it than Beyonce, who already sang about Red Lobster. Okay. So I think if you can like fork over the bucks for a Beyonce Red Lobster, let's actually get this existing song or let's commission a new song and let's just have this natural synergy

that already exists. That's a great point. I do feel like- If he fuck me right, I take his ass to Red Lobster, right? That's what it is? Something like that? That's so true. Kind of tricky for a commercial, but.

You could make it PG. You treat me right, I take take a bass or a lobster. There you go. Okay, there you go. Yeah, still kinda tricky. Take us behind to Red Lobster. There you go. Also, I do think that like,

if Red Lobster just used like, Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Frank Floyd or something, I think it would be pretty cool. Yeah. Like it would make me wanna go, wouldn't it? It would be, yeah, for sure. If like, I mean, something like that where you're like, oh yeah, like I do, I love this, it is, I love Red Lops.

I mean, I think just any song like that were. They have a Pink Floyd cover band, Red Floyd, it's doing Red Lobster versions of Pink Floyd's hit. Like Dish You Were Here. I think this is fantastic. The wall of shrimp. The wall of shrimp. This is great.

Would you not go to Red Lobster if they have... Dark Side of the Spoon. Oh, I like that. It's funny that a couple of them are utensil based. You gotta use utensils for Red Lobster. Yes, exactly. Or I just, I think any, whatever, if you used any sort of classic song.

Yeah. Red lobster needs help. I think that's a great choice. Yeah. But I can't think of other chain restaurants that are like, that are like, need the, like Burger King. Yeah. Has U-Rule now.

McDonald's has, still has ba-da-ba-ba-ba, what are they doing? Yeah, Burger King also has the like, B-K have it your way, that kind of ear-warm jingle they've been using a lot. Yeah, U-Rule, that's the end. Oh, you think of it as the U-Rule jingle, I think of it as the have it your way thing. But if Ja Rule did it.

That would be fun. Oh! B-K have it your way, Ja Rule! And he says Ja Rule. Ja Rule! There you go. That's pretty fucking good. There we go, there we go. That's pretty fucking good.

That's pretty good. And it's like weird in the way that I think that that's pretty good. Cause I'm real. Yeah, we're snack. Yeah, okay. What was the hashtag you used earlier for green characters? Top green. I also use hashtag top green to let us know which artist you want to write which jingle

for which restaurant. And if you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DO. That's 830-463-6344. Only one hashtag to parse. Only one hashtag to parse. That's not fun. And to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back

catalog, subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. Can't get through this copy. Our producers, Emma Erdbrink, our associate producers, Emilio Marino, our engineers, Casey Donahue, and our video editor is Mike Dorfman. I got a question for you. Yeah, please.

You love Elvis. I do. What chain do you think you would use for Elvis? Okay, so he was a big eater. Yeah. You know? Peanut butter and bananas. Peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches. Deep-fried. I feel like he butter and bananas. Peanut butter and banana and bacon sandwiches.

Deep fry. I feel like he wants, I feel like something in the South, I feel like it'd be Waffle House. Ooh, that's good. I like that, I love waffles. Yeah, and I think that also like kind of encompasses kind of like a lot of what Elvis's diet would be, you know. I love that.

Yeah, so. I think that's solid. But I don't know if there's something specific to, you know, to Graceland, to Tennessee, but you know. One for the waffle, two for the eggs. Uh... Three to get hash browns in. Four for the eggs.

Four to get head. Four to get head. Just casting that wider. It's about getting sucked off at a Waffle House? You know what happens at Waffle House. This is going to happen. Yeah, come on. It does.

Ardyn Marine is one of our favorites. Such a delight to have you. Thanks for making time to talk to Onions. Oh, Twin Flames, you see me. Ardyn, anything you would like to plug? Sure. How about my, I have a movie that's on Amazon called Step Aside.

It's really fun. And then also my podcast, We Accept This Rose, will be back starting in July. Wow. Where are we? Is it a Bachelor, Bachelor, right? It's Bachelor. You guys want to come in?

Yeah, we'd love to. What's going on in the Bachelorverse right now? Well, they took a breather. The Golden Bachelor was a hit, and then it turned out he might have been a scamp. But now, but they're going to do another, they're going to do a Golden Bachelorette. So that's fun.

They already got divorced, right? Yeah. I blame him. And that seems, that seems. I blame him. In my mind, I know nothing. This is as a viewer. I'm like, oh, he signed with Gersh in January.

And he probably, like, got ladies sliding into his DMs. And to me, I'm just guessing. I'm like, I bet he just wanted to go on, like, a little poon tour around. You know what I mean? You found happiness, you scamp. You scoundrel. That's a horny old widower.

That's not fun. That's what it feels to me. I could be wrong. I know nothing. I thought you should find true love. Thank you. So did Teresa. That's not fun. That's what feels to me.

I could be wrong. I know nothing. I'm trying to find true love. Thank you. So did Teresa. Now you're at home alone with your gray pubes. You happy? A tale as old as time.

That'll do it for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time, for The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating. We see you. Want more Doughboys? Check out the DoughScore, our Discord server. Hahaha!