Doughboys - Grocery Store Month: Whole Foods with Fran Gillespie

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

Grocery Store Month continues as Fran Gillespie (Big Mouth, SNL) returns, and helps the 'boys review Austin-founded Whole Foods. Plus, another edition of The Leftovers.Sources for this week's into:https://www.cnbc.com/2017/10/27/how-amazon-founder-jeff-bezos-went-from-the-son-of-a-teen-mom-to-the-worlds-richest-person.htmlhttps://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-07-31/a-hidden-amazon-fortune-bezos-parents-could-be-worth-billionshttps://www.geekwire.com/2016/interview-jeff-bezos/https://www.investopedia.com/how-amazon-makes-money-4587523https://www.businessinsider.com/whole-foods-timeline-from-start-to-amazon-2017-9https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/16/business/dealbook/whole-foods-amazon-timeline.htmlhttps://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/company-info/whole-foods-market-historyAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fm.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

After much consideration, I took the less safe path to follow my passion, and I'm proud of that choice. This was Jeff Bezos on the 1995 founding of Amazon.com, a bookseller in the then uncharted territory of online retail. In his self-mythologizing, Bezos' path from a one-man startup to the wealthiest human in world history was due to his own ingenuity and scrappy hard work. In the early years, operating out of his garage, Bezos would drive orders to the post office himself.

But the cue ball billionaire's less safe path amidst a key detail, a $240,000 loan from his parents that made his passion possible. As online retail became commonplace, Bezos' garage-founded virtual shop grew beyond books to become an all-encompassing internet department store, and expanded its business to include content streaming in its biggest revenue generators, web services, and cloud computing. In June of 2017, Bezos' now megacorp, seeking a foothold for its burgeoning grocery delivery service Amazon Fresh, acquired an Austin-based high-end organic supermarket chain founded in 1978 as Safer Way Natural Foods.

And so the world's largest online retailer became a major player in the supermarket sector. Today on the broken backs of his workers and warehouses and vans and now grocery stores who skip bathroom breaks or brave COVID to meet unreasonable quotas, Bezos is a billionaire many times over, with enough wealth to solve multiple world crises single-handedly and still afford his vanity space program. But like countless other so-called self-made men, his empire is built atop a pile of cash gifted by his affluent parents. This week on Doughboys, our month-long review of supermarket eats, friendly greengrocer

Mitch's grocery store month continues with Whole Foods. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Bruce Villunch, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Bruce Villunch. That was courtesy of Thomas, roastspoonman at gmail.com if you have a roast you'd like me to use him to the top of the show. Or you know, you just don't do it. Like Bruce Villanch, but Bruce Villunch.

Yeah, no, I think everyone gets what it is. Get it on Bruce Villanch, another way to play it. Oh wow, that's good. I mean that's, I mean that's, that just changes it up so much, Nick. I'll start submitting some. You should. You should stop. You know, Nick, I also got myself a little drop here, also, I don't know, the Spoon

Nation. Wow. I seem nervous, it's because, yes, you know what, I'm supposed to have these drops ready and today I didn't have it ready. So I'm truly going out on a limb here, hoping that this is, that this is, this drop is okay. You know, for the first couple months of our quarantine records, when we're doing everything remotely, we would just leave a gap for the drop, and then we would, and you'd put it in later, you could just go back to the old system.

No, people get mad at that for whatever reason, so I can't, I can't, I can't do that. I guess to quote Bill O'Reilly, fuck it, we're doing it live. That's like half, like I'm sure half the listeners maybe weren't born when that was like a, what, what, what, I don't even remember what, what happened with that, you just got really angry, right? He got really mad because I think he couldn't, he got in his head trying to read some copy, and then he couldn't do it, and he, and it was for a pre-tape, and then he was just like, he'll just do it live, he'll just do it on the show instead of pre-tapping it.

That's what I believe. All right, Mitch, did you have your drop ready? Let's, let's go ahead and hear it. Yes, the drop's ready to go. Are you, is everybody ready to hear it? Oh, I'm more than ready, our guest is, I can tell is ready. A fucking, this is a fucking mess already, this episode is a mess. Luckily we have a fucking A plus guest.

It's true. All right, here we go. I don't know how to spoon nation here, it's a little drop. I would suck, suck and then bite, suck, suck and then bite, I would suck, suck and then bite, suck, suck and then bite. Trying to eat out on, on, on Sundays. So we talk a lot about food on this show and so there's a lot of talk of us saying that we're licking or sucking or eating something and it seems like a common theme with these

drops is remixing our words to make them sound sexual when they rarely are. It's just, that's the, you know what I mean? Like I didn't play it beforehand and then that's the, you know what I mean? That's the one. Yeah. It's pretty raunchy. Because I'm the guy you met at your live show in Vancouver that said he was going through a divorce and his dad just died.

Thanks for the laughs that night. It brightened my spirits. Here is my first drop ever. Hope you enjoy. Trebbies. Trebbies. Trebbies. Trebbies.

Sorry. Man, what a, this is a, I'm sorry, it's been a tough year. I hope things are looking up for you, Trebbies. I hope things are looking better. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what, your drop was good. I'm going to just say that your drop was good.

A little raunchy for my taste, but a well-constructed drop. Nick, just lie and say it was good. You liked it. It was good. It's a little, it was a little filthy, but it was good. Mitch, today is national Mai Tai day. Wow. I know you're a big, you're a big time Mai Tai fans, so I thought I'd bring it up as

the day we're recording, not the day this episode releases. Pretty exciting. My favorite, my favorite drink. Now, have you had any, have you treated yourself? I know you've been, you're not someone who likes to drink alone, which is good. Drinking alone is always extra depressing, but have you treated yourself to any sort of tropical or island drink while you've been trapped indoors? Yeah.

I actually, I got this thing called DrinkSmith, and I don't know how to really, look, this is not branded content, but it was, they were Drink Halon. Let me find it, DrinkSmith. There we go. They're like kind of these cocktails that you can, that come, all you have to do is turn the bottle and the top is, on the top is like a mixed, like a mixed drink, kind of like a, like the fruit drink. It's basically like a bunch of different, look, I'm doing a bad job at describing this.

I don't know, it seems like a pretty clear picture to me. There's, there's liquor and then there's like juices and they're separated. And then you twist the bottle and then you shake it up. Got it. You sure that's not branded content? You just worded it so succinctly. You must have coffee in front of you. DrinkSmith, D-R-N-X-M-Y-T-H, DrinkSmith.

Oh, they're doing the no vowels thing. Yeah. So look, right there, not branded content. Fuck the no vowels thing. Give me an A-E-I-O-R-U. I want one of them. Hey, DrinkSmith, get in touch with Vanna White, set yourself up with some vowels. I like to get myself in touch with Vanna White.

She's a beautiful lady. All right, settle down. Oh, that's too horny. Yeah, it's a little too horny. The drop was fine, but you crossed the line. I kind of thought like most other people that Vanna White and Pat Stajak were married until like maybe three years ago. I will say, let's, let's introduce our guest.

But our guest is a writer, actor and comedian from SNL and Big Mouth. Fran Gillespie is back, but I have a thank you Fran for being here. I have a Vanna White thing real quick, which is that my friends, my friend's dad had a porno mag. It was like a playboy that had a Vanna White pictorial. But it was, but Vanna White, it was like vintage Vanna White. This was like from the 80s. But it was like it was, she didn't cross the line into full nudity.

It was just like a revealing pictorial, very tasteful. That's what I remember. A bathing suit? It was like lingerie and like, you know, stuff that was maybe a little see-through, but she wasn't like showing the whole, you know, the whole nine yards. Now, do you think that Pat Stajak and Vanna White have ever kissed? Boy, that's a great question. I think it's possible there is some sort of workplace affair.

I don't, I feel as though that there is such a closeness there and such a trust that I bet that there is some sort of there was chemistry there before they were married or, you know, whatever. But I there just needs to be, I feel as though because it doesn't feel like brother and sister and it doesn't feel like just friends. I feel like there's been a smooch. You know, when you got that sort of workplace relationship, brothers and sisters can can can smooch in a non affectionate, I'm not a non horny way.

OK, now I disagree. Now, what are you talking about? You mean like kissing on the lips? When you're a little kid, you can kiss your sister on the lips when you're both kids, your little kids, maybe. Sure, if I think that like older than two or three and you're if you're kissing on the lips, there's there's some I don't know. I don't feel comfortable with that.

No, unless you're practicing. My God, we'll practice kissing on our siblings. Courtney, please, someday I may I may be able to kiss a woman. I need help. You think it's a scenario like that? Look, first of all, friend, you come from an Irish Catholic family, so. So we don't even hug. I mean.

We basically just, yeah, like acknowledge each other with like a nod. Right. Yeah, I would say Irish Catholic people are not physically affectionate with one another. It's a lot of like, you know, punching. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We go, we go, we go full Brady in my house. You're kissing your dad or you were.

Well, excuse me. OK. You're kissing your dad. Or you were. I'm sorry, Fran. I don't kiss his corpse if that's what you'd like to know. I'm not digging up his corpse and kissing his corpse. Boy, you had to play that card, Mitch.

You knew she didn't mean that. Oh, yeah, I'm the I'm the bad guy, Nick. Well, I'm not the bad guy. I didn't do it. You get to have fun when you're when you're when you're when one of your parents is dead, you get to have fun with it and you get to use it to your you get to use it to your advantage. It's the only advantage of having a dead parent.

Yes, I will say you you can use it quite freely. But do you consider how it makes other people? Quite unposturable. You know what? That was that was unfair to to to be not funny. But I felt like you you needed to learn a lesson. But, uh, yes, yes. But when people when people make when people make jokes, it is fun to it's

fun to to like if someone makes a joke and you're like, they're being a little too loose with this joke here. It's fun to go. It's fun to be like, that's not cool, which I really don't care. I mean, like, of course, I miss my father, of course, but it's fun to be like, that's not cool, dude. Yeah. And like and make them sweat for a minute because it's funny.

But just to be clear, I'd say you do that to me routinely on any subject. It's kind of you're not cool. You try and get somebody to walk it back. Yes. Yes. Um, yes, I did kiss my dad. Uh, I definitely kissed my dad on the lips like Brady. Mm hmm.

Probably I probably I would say maybe middle school and maybe it ended somewhere around there. Wow. Wasn't that old for me, but I did kiss both of my parents on the lips when I was little and it was like usually to say good night. It was like good night, mom and dad. I don't remember exactly when it stopped, but I do remember it not happening anymore. Probably college because you weren't living at home anymore.

I think it stopped the first time you tried to get your little tongue in there while you're all right. Just trying to have some sort of incestuous tryst with my own parents. Sneaking the tongue in perverse. I really never ever kissed my parents on the mouth ever. But maybe I'll try next time I see them. Now I haven't seen them in so long that, um, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Maybe I'll try to be more than friends. So hold on. You're going to, you're going to attempt it the next time you see them. Yeah. Just go right for it. Yes. No warning. Yeah.

Do you guys, did you guys miss me? How, how would you feel of, how would you feel of your parents? Like, oh, fuck gross and like pushed you aside. Um, I would hope they would have that reaction. I would be a lot more disturbed if they were kind of like, oh, what's your No, speaking, speaking of Brady, Cam Newton's coming to the Pats. Why? Yeah, I just saw that.

I've been aware of this. This will be, this will be a little bit of a old news by the 10th episode releases, but pretty, I don't follow the NFL, but I'm aware of Cam Newton. I know he's a former MVP and an excellent player. I don't, I don't, I don't follow that problematic sport. I don't follow the NFL. I follow, I follow non problematic sports, like pro wrestling.

Yes. Have you guys watched any of the WWE with no audience? I haven't. What? I mean, I've just seen clips of it, but I can't watch and I love AEW, but I even, even AEW, which is a, you know, the other major promotion, if you're not a wrestling follower, it's like, without the energy of an audience, it's just an adjustment to watch.

And so WWE, whose product I don't even like, it's like, you know, they're, they're, they're excellent talent. There's an amazing talent in WWE and NXT is pretty good. But I, but just like, I have a hard time watching WWE because I wouldn't normally watch it with an audience even. I don't know, bitch, have you seen much WWE with a, with no audience, no crowd? I've, I've, I've watched some of a, I've watched some of WWE. I'm not, not, not too much though.

I feel like I'll watch the pay-per-views. Right. Yeah. And in a. We've been watching soccer, European soccer, and they're, they're playing games, but it's like, you know, like seven a.m. on a Saturday morning. They play games with empty stadium, but they pump in sound for the broadcast. So you're hearing stadium reactions, but they are just for the broadcast.

And so like the players aren't hearing any cheering, but you're hearing cheering as an, as like someone watching, but yeah. I think helpful. I have, I have watched AEW. I'm supporting our boys, Colt Cabana, Excalibur, Nick. Oh yeah. People who listen to the podcast, Joey Janella, I love them supporting those guys over there.

Um, and, uh, they, and they do a good job of it because they do have a few people around. First of all, they've done a good job with testing, which WWE hasn't done. And then they also have, they also have people there in the crowd. Yeah. They've got some other talents that are kind of filling in. Other talent. Yeah. Oh, that's a good idea.

Just have other people watch who are in, who are tested and in the league anyway. Right. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, it's the, is it the Bundesliga? Is that what you're watching? The German league? Bundesliga, Bundesliga. Yes.

Yes. We really, we like Jaden Sancho. He's a British soccer player and he's very, very good. And, um, we, we watched like the first game and he, uh, we liked him and then we ordered full kits. So now we have the full, uh, jersey and shorts that we wear to watch. Oh boy. You're going to, someone's going to photograph you and, and, uh, and blog

you on full kit wankers. Yeah. What does that mean? Are you don't, you're not supposed to wear a full kit? I don't know. I just know there's some, there's some, uh, I've seen like a, I don't know if it's a fucking Tumblr or Twitter or something like full kit wankers. And it's just like a very, a super like, oh, you look at this mate and it's

just someone wearing like a full soccer uniform. And they're just, and they're an asshole for some reason. Yeah. I definitely know you're not supposed to, but, you know, I think it's cool. All right. Oh, it's just, they were on the house. Now Fran. Yeah.

You got a, uh, and Nick, help me if I pronounce this wrong. Gammerian guard. A Gammerian guard? How do you say Gammerian? I think both are, I think both are valid. Tomato, tomato. I mean, I don't, there's, there isn't a canonical pronunciation within the, the Disney Star Wars movies.

So I think you say it out of your like. And friend, I was just wondering if it's jubb-knock. I'm just wondering if it is jubb-knock. Oh, you're referring to the background of my zoom that there's a Gammerian guard called jug not. No, I'm asking if it is jubb-knock, the Gammerian guard, or. Yeah. Or if it's another, first of all, I can, you can, if you look at its eyes and,

and, and if he has blue eyes, then, um, then that's, that is, that is a sign that it's jubb-knock. That's jug not's distinguishing characteristic. He's got the blue eyes. Jubb-knock has blue eyes. He, jubb-knock is, jubb-knock is, he, jubb-knock was eaten by the Rancor. Yes. I'm aware of this.

But he had on, he had on special metal plating so that he actually survived that incident. Yeah. And then when the, and then when the Rancor died, he escaped. But some of that canon maybe was erased by the fucking evil Disney people. And I made it. It exists in the Disney, it's the Disney legends now. It's part of the, the, the former expanded universe is now part of Disney

legends. It's not necessarily considered true. Oh yeah. Splat, I think Splash Mountain is becoming Gomorrian slide. Right? That'd be cool as hell. The Gomorrian slide. The slide into the fucking Rancor pit now to fight him.

Actually, now that you're eating alive, we're speaking of things that are in my home, Nick Weiger gave something in my home right now. Nick Weiger gave my boyfriend a framed sequence of Garfield getting fucked by John. Oh yeah. I've seen this. I remember this. Yes.

And so this is framed in our house and displayed kind of prominently. And when our cleaning lady comes over, she turns it face down. Oh no. Oh no. Weiger, if you do think about it, like you're like, who gave that to you? And then like the, like people are like, what a fucking freak this man is. Whoever gave this to them is a freak. Well, so then this cleaning woman really didn't like it.

So we had to remember any time she was coming over, we had to remember to flip it down. Also, we have to remember to flip it down when like parents are coming or whatever. So then Neil recommended this cleaning woman to Joe Wenger and Holly. And I was like, Joe, let me give you this Garfield picture and you have in your house too. So this woman thinks basically every household has like a picture of. Good God.

Garfield getting fucked by John. You guys are basically like, like you and your friends are have like a weird eyes wide shut thing with Garfield. Well, it was basically I wanted like the prank to be basically her being like, oh my God, all these people have this like iconography of like Garfield getting fucked by John. But we in the end did not go through with it because who was it for? You know, just us and just upset somebody.

It's just, yeah, so we didn't, we didn't do it, but. And ultimately I'm at fault there. I mean, no, and no considered gift. I agree. It's actually quite insane when we take a break. I'll show you, but it's like, I want to say like nothing short of violent. If I remember that the characterization of the fan art yet is a little, is a little gritty.

If I remember acting like you didn't draw it. But that is definitely that's a set piece in our home that I would say is canon within the house. Yeah. No, talking about your home, you're locked in there with with our former guest and our friend, Neil Campbell, who you mentioned. What have you been doing for lockdown eats during this period of seclusion? Well, it's definitely rough because both of those are bad cooks and lazy.

So I think there's just maybe cooking is like the 200th thing we want to do. It, I think is not cost effective and I'm a bad cook and I cut corners. And when I cut corners, I really suffer the consequences. Like, I won't have baking soda and I'll be like, that doesn't really matter. And then the banana bread will taste like a brick of shit. Or like, I don't have brown sugar. And so the brownies are like white, you know, it's just a lot of cutting corners. And so I'm a really, really bad cook.

And so the first few months were pretty, pretty rough. I mean, we're talking like grilled cheese, pasta, just really, really bad. But now we get food ordered and also, yeah, like pre-packaged meals, which like we're going to talk about with Whole Foods, like things that you don't really need to, you know, do anything for. But I will say we order from restaurants to deliver. There you go. That's okay.

Got no problems with that. I think honestly, in a way, it's, it depends. I think it's lateral as far as being dangerous with coronavirus. It's lateral or maybe better than going grocery shopping constantly. Hard to say because, you know, I guess if you're thinking about yourself, yes, it's not, you want to go into as few places as possible. But like also, I've heard that some of those kitchens can be pretty cramped for the workers. But then again, I'm not sure if grocery stores are all that great for the workers.

I don't know. I think, I think in reality, probably everything should be shut down, but that's just not what our country does. Shit, what would we, what would we eat? Well, we, we also would get like, we have like maybe 40 cans of beans and really do make like beans and put it in a tortilla with cheese. Now, what kind of beans are we talking here? Because I'm a big bean fan.

Okay. Thanks for asking. We're talking, we're, it's running the gambit here. Kidney. Wow. Bonzo. Wow. Pinto.

Wow. Let's go. Wow. Yeah. That's a real, it's real Mount Bean more there. I, I really, I've been really like Pinto beans, really like kidney beans, you know, I'll make up some chili. That's a thing I'll do.

But the other thing I'll do is I'll buy the canned and I know this is a shortcut, but I don't give a shit. If I want my own Pinch, I'll buy the canned refried beans and I'll cook those up, those heat up fine. Please, we got about four canned refrieds right now in the cupboard. Beans are easy and they're not that bad. Come on. No, they're not bad at all.

I hate to get a, I hate to get all lector on you, but you got any fava beans? Oh boy. Oh. And a nice Chianti. I don't like the way your face looks when you do that. Yeah. Really committed there. Ew.

You're one sick puppy. Are you going to say this about Hannibal? He's kind of an anti-hero. He is kind of an anti-hero. He's kind of like Heisenberg cut from the same cloth. It looked like you're trying to suck your own beard into your mouth. Yeah. I was.

Ew. Oh God. Is that the last temptation of every bearded man? You do his own face cozy? Mmm. Branch. Good God. Yeah, I think beans are an excellent staple.

Obviously they're very cost efficient and hey, you can throw them on some toast or have them with eggs or put them in a tortilla. There's some versatility there if you want to keep it simple. And obviously there's lots of bean based dishes you can make. We love beans, bitch. Yes. The musical fruit as they call it. The musical fruit they say.

Yes. Which I believe on Mad Men when they're talking about advertising beans, they're like we can't touch that. Beans are funny in a way, but we can't touch the way that beans are funny. Never watched it. But so like the bean industry can't lean into it. Why? Beans don't want to be known as a fruit that makes a fruit.

Beans is a fruit. Beans is a fruit. Beans is a fruit. Beans is a fruit. Beans is a fruit. Yeah, beans is a fruit. You heard it here first. Beans is fruit.

Beans is fruit. All this talk of canon. We got some new canon we're establishing here. Beans is fruit. Mitch you're from bean town. You must have beans. I got a pitch for you. You're a Boston baked bean.

Splash Mountain Bean Mountain. Yes. There you go. It's like double there. You slide down into a big pool of beans. And you find a red flag. Yes. Beans, there's nothing they can't do.

You know what I mean? Beans is fruit. Beans is a fruit. There's nothing they can't do. Mitch, what are your favorite beans? Oh, come on, Weiger. Boston baked beans, baby. Now, what distinguishes a Boston baked bean

from a regular baked bean? Because I have my share of baked beans. One, it's baked. Two, it's baked in Boston. Okay. Well, the first one is the same as every baked bean. The second is just where it's from. What makes it a Boston baked bean?

Yeah. Okay. Look, I'm not googling it right now. It kisses its tongue on the mouth. Wigs, a Boston baked bean is sweetened with molasses and flavored with salt, pork, or bacon. Dur. Again, this sounds like a conventional baked bean for me,

but maybe Boston is where the thing was invented. Maybe that's why it's called a Boston baked bean. We like our molasses over in Boston. That is true. There's also a Boston baked bean candy. Oh, that's true. There is a candy. They're terrible.

Tim Calbagus thought it was funny to bring me back those candies when he went and visited Boston. I had them recently, and they really are just like hard sugar. When you have candies from the olden days, it's just different ways to package like just pure sugar, like necko wafers. Right. Those are just wafers of sugar.

Boston baked beans just full on sugar. Nick, my dad was a part of the silence generation. Just before the boomers, just immediately pre-World War II baby boom, post-World War II baby boom, still a silent generation. If you ask me, fucking silent, but deadly generation. Talking about your dad dropping ass. My dad could lay some fucking stinkers.

Yeah, dads are good at farting. I think that is true. Yeah. Dads are good at farting. I'm so nervous. You can make, it's fine. Say whatever you want about my dad. We're not going to say anything.

This is a test. This is all a test. No, it's not. You can make a joke. We don't want to make jokes. We don't want to. We have nothing to say. This is a subject only you can monologize about.

That's fine. You know what? I'm offended that neither of you would make jokes about him. Yeah, no, dads are stinkers. Moms are like, you never hear a mom fart too much. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you really don't. Dads are kind of farters like walking along the sidewalk

farting. But I will say because of the beans diet, the farts have been out of this world over here. Yeah. I once was on a sleepover. That Gammerian guard is actually who looks greener than usual. I once was at a sleepover and I had a big bowl of cereal with whole milk and I didn't realize, like it was until later in life that I realized what.

Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, we're going to clear this up. This was just a few years ago, correct? We're chaperoning some kids. I met online. No, I was a young boy and I was at a sleepover and I had a big bowl of cereal late at night because to me that was always like the indulgence when I'm out of the house. Like, oh, I can have cereal not just for breakfast. I can have like a sweet, you know, a sweet treat at night.

Wow. Fucking lame as hell, by the way. I used to have cereal at night and I called it a midnight snack and it was grape nuts. Oh boy. Grape nuts. Grape nuts are pretty healthy but you can sugar them up and make them delicious. That's a 60 year old, that's like a 60 year old man midnight snack is a bowl of grape nuts. I think that's a valid snack.

They have some fun texture to them. You know what's nice if you warm up some grape nuts. Oh, never tried that. You warm them up like an instant oatmeal. Just put a little bit of milk on there, splash of milk on there, throw them in the microwave and have them have them warm. They're nice. Microwaved milk, that sounds disgusting.

I want to hear how your sleepover ended. So anyway, so I'm there to sleepover and I had a big bowl of cereal with whole milk. Back in the cop car. All right. It was years later that I would made the connection to eating a lot of dairy and intestinal distress but I had the thing where I just like, I had to fart so bad so I like went in the bathroom to fart and like sat on the toilet, you know, like just to sit on the toilet to open things up.

Yeah. And just had this like, this like helicopter blast of like rapid fire, like farts coming out of my ass. And then I heard the kids in the other room be like, dude, why isn't there farting up a store? And then, but it wasn't the thing where it was like, like I came out and they make made fun of me for it. Like they were just talking about it.

Like it was that bad. I was, it was like fucking humiliating. I had bathroom issues for years afterwards. I will say that a like major side effect of zooming all the time is you're in the comfort of your own home and I fart all the time. And because you're in your own home and sometimes you can just mute yourself, like I'm going to mute myself and fart, whatever. And I was sitting on a wooden chair and farted during a meeting last week.

And it just, I realized that everyone had heard and it was just like, okay. But then I was like, do I bring it up? Whatever. But a fart on a wood chair, there's like nothing more satisfying, I think. It's a great sound and you can't really pull out the one, the one cheek sneak on wood. It just, it still will just come out super duper loud. I didn't learn about the one cheek sneak until so late in life and it is so valuable.

I didn't learn about it, but it is just, I mean, it's foolproof. The both of you are making me sick. The one cheek sneak. What the fuck is wrong? Like you use that as a thing. You open, you pull a butt cheek back and then your fart does make a noise. Yeah, you can kind of squeeze it out. If I'm dating a woman, which is, you know, few and far between, I-

Yeah, right. I will, I will go into, I will like go into the bathroom. Bitch, bitch, does the woe is me act on here, but we know in real life, you're like Ludacris. Sorry, keep going. I wish I was like Ludacris getting those fucking Fast and Furious movies. It would be great. I rode by Ludacris's house when I was in Atlanta, when I was rowing crew in college. That's amazing.

It was cool. What? You don't think it's cool Fran? You would be very funny. You in Fast and Furious, that is just- That is a fucking vision right there. I definitely slowed down the fast part. But amp up the furious part.

If you were around, we should be- You were telling it- Oh, what? I was telling what? What was I saying? You were telling an anecdote. I will, I'll go to the bathroom and a lot of the time, like if I'm comfortable with someone, I mean, I'll never get too comfortable with anyone ever.

Oh poor Mitch. Whose fault is that? I'll say, I'll say, I have to use the bathroom. I'll just submit it to someone and they'll be like, I'm going to turn on the, I turn on the AC and I'll turn on the TV and then I'll run water in the bathroom and play a song on my phone. I'm so concerned. Because-

This is in your own house. Your own home. This is in my own house. Aren't they like, why do you need to turn on- And that to me would weird me out way more. I'm like, what the fuck is happening that this guy needs all these sounds going on? I'm saying at this point where I'm comfortable enough to be like, hey, if not, I am going into the bathroom and doing a two-cheek sneak and opening up my

butthole so that you can't hear the farts and I'll just, it's a nightmare. And Nick, here's the deal. Yes. It's all like, be comfortable, use the restroom, but then as you've seen, that kid, the kids make fun of you. They make fun of you when it happens. Well, you just got to not use the restroom around no good teens. That's the problem.

Because teens will find any weakness and zero in on it. When we were doing a, when we did the McDonald's thing. There was an emergency, I had to use the restroom at McDonald's. I think, I think I remember this. Yeah. A fucking huge nightmare. It was, it was awful. I remember this incident now.

A guy continually knocked while I was, while I was in there. That's stressful. That's stressful. When someone knows, when someone knocks and then you announce that you're in there and they knock again to like rush you, that's just like, you're just being cruel. There's no, sometimes it takes a minute. Give me a minute. Yeah.

When the door doesn't lock or you don't trust it. And so you need to be sitting on the toilet and leaning all the way over with your hand pushing the door shut. That's also, that's just too stressful. The guy continually locked. But Nick, Nick, if you remember, he, I was waiting in line and then the guy walked in with me. He was behind me and he walked in with me, remember?

He walked in the bathroom and I was like, dude, get out of here. It was a one, it was a one person bathroom. That's tough. That's a tough move. Because sometimes in a, in a men's room, there will be like both the urinal and the toilet. And so someone will be like, oh, I'll use one and use the other. But like you're making assumptions about what I'm going to do in there.

That is so psycho to me that a stranger, you'd sit on the toilet and a stranger is using the urinal next to you. But I've seen bathrooms like that where I'm like, this is a one person bathroom. Why even have the urinal? Yes. I'm not, that is like the, the, the, I mean, it is funny that like as a child, oh man, parents have to wipe their kids butts. That's true.

That sucks. That's tough, right? I mean, I can't, I mean, you know, I think, I think it's just a part of parenting. Yeah. Everyone's parents did it. Why do you think that sucks? I just, I don't want to wipe, I don't want to wipe my kid's butt. And he's going to meet, you know, he's going to be like 16 or 17.

Still asking me to wipe his butt if I know, if I, if I, if I know, if I, if I know my kids well, that's what's going to happen. Just hose him down. Every time he goes, just hose it, hose the hole. Hose the hole. Just do it. Hose the hole. I like that.

Nick, you, did you get a bidet? I, yes, I have a, I have a bidet that I installed in the early days of quarantine by pure coincidence. I had it on order because I'd heard that like, Hey, you got to try this thing. And so I got a bidet seat that I installed, huge pain in the ass to install. And it's, but, but I will say once I got it going, it's pretty nice. It's an, it's, it's adjustments. The sensation is an adjustment.

But you use it every time. Yeah. I think so. It just is a general rule. Yeah. So you're, you're always hosing the hole. Yeah. I mean, but I think I was picturing something different than you were.

I mean, like you were just talking about taking like a garden hose. And hosing down a naked child. Yeah. It's a different, different thing doing in your yard versus a seat attachment. Yeah, there, it's nice. I think it's, and, and it, by pure coincidence, it saved my ass, so to speak, due to the tailor, due to the toilet paper shortage of the early days. So that I had that, I had that hose that I could have working for me.

It's, it's interesting. I'm not, if I'm not sure if I'd quite recommended to anybody, but I think it's worth trying. I'm not saying like you have to get one, you have to buy one. Some people are complete bidet evangelists. I prefer it to not having a bidet day, but I don't know if it's for everybody. How powerful is that sucker? You can get it pretty powerful.

Yeah. I mean, if you want it on full blast, you can, you can go for it. Have you ever gone full blast? Yeah. And it's highest strength. Do you shoot it up the hole and then you're barfing out the mouth? Uh, I had it on high, I had it highest power and then it was like, uh, you know what this thing needs is, uh, uh, more power.

And then so I, I installed a, I installed a Binford one. I think you fucking blast me into the ceiling. Ow. Shootin' water out of your mouth like a squirtle. Good God. Binford. A squirtle doesn't do that, does he? Yeah.

A squirtle. No, a squirtle's got a range of attacks. There's, there's some squirting going on. So Binford, so Binford was, was what was Binford Tim's like favorite? Binford was the name of the company that sponsored the show. Yes. A fictional tool company that was a tool time sponsor. I think roughly analogous to craftsmen tools in the real world.

I guess my question more or so is, is like, did Binford tools always mess up? I think the joke was more on Tim's incompetence. Oh, okay. So he always gave it too much power. I think, yeah, he was, there was some hubris and he overpowered whatever he was, you know, trying to engineer or just installed it improperly because you saw Al Borland, his sidekick would always do things correctly. Who Mitch, you could do a good Al Borland.

You could do a good Al Borland in the reboot. You could do a good Al Borland, Mitch. Do you think that this is like, you think that this is like a great compliment? He's like, Richard Karn's a good actor. I think Richard Karn is a good actor, but like the boring sidekick man, I could be him in a reboot of home improvement. Wow. I would definitely hear you're boring.

He was reasonable and what Tim lacked Al had in spades. So why don't you just tread lightly? Mitch, blue doesn't show up on blue. If you had Tim and his sidekick was also a Tim, it wouldn't have worked. You needed Al Borland there as his counterpart. Give me two Tims. Give me as many Tims as you can give me. It's great.

I think it would have been overwhelming. I wish this country was all Tims. Oh boy. How dare you. You better take that back. I wish it was all Al's. Remember that Pamela Anderson was the original sidekick on Tooltime? That's right.

And then it was, oh God, was it a brunette? Who was after Pamela Anderson? I remember, I don't remember the actor's name. I'm looking up real quick. The Binford Tool Girl, I believe, was the title, right? And Al dated the brunette assistant. What? Yes, it was a plotline on the show.

Oh, that's right. I think in the later seasons, Wilson was the sexy Binford lady. You know Wilson didn't have a bottom jaw? Is that right? It's like Jeff Goldblum in the fly when his bottom jaw falls off. Wow. So it wasn't just a sidekick? No, they hired the actor and didn't know that he didn't have a bottom jaw.

And then there, that's how they got Wilson. Amazing how they got through that many casting sessions without realizing that he had a lower jaw, or he was missing a lower jaw. Pamela Anderson and then Heidi. Lisa was the first one. Heidi was the second one. Actor Debra Dunning, Debbie Dunning. That's right.

Heidi and Al dated her. I don't remember some of the later seasons because I kind of tailed off watching it. I know that the youngest son, Mark became goth. I remember that plot line, but I don't remember the specifics of the romantic subplot. It's hard for me because a home improvement was on after Simpsons for quite some time. And because we were really only allowed to watch the Simpsons, I only would watch the first like five minutes of home improvement because we could sneak that. You could be like, it's 7.32, and so I kind of, I have a working understanding, but only

based on watching a few minutes here and a few minutes there. And then I was in to Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I read up on some of his plot lines. You're talking the syndication era back when you'd watch a little TV before or right after dinnertime, and it would just be reruns of, for us it was, fuck, what was between, because they showed, for a while they were showing the Simpsons at 6.30 and 7, which was heaven for me because I could watch two Simpsons episodes

back to back. And then they figured out what was going on, and they started airing the Simpsons at 6, and also 7.30, and then two other shows in between them. Yes, I remember The Squeezer. Yeah, you would do a Squeezer, and they would get really tricky and put like one show between two episodes of The Simpsons, and, but with me. No, no, no. No, no, no, you can't trick me.

I see that this is not The Simpsons. It took a while, but is this The Simpsons? Well, no, it's not, because it's not animated. That's why I always, that's good deduction skills there, friend. Oh, this Jerry Seinfeld's character is not animated. I'm going to change the channel. Seinfeld was the guy, I didn't like Seinfeld because he took up Simpsons time, and then also I realized that Seinfeld was a funny show, because I was a kid.

I was, you know, when I loved The Simpsons, they were even doing like re-airing episodes. I was like 12, you know what I mean? Right. And that was a show that just was always, when I was in elementary school, it was always there. And then like loving it even more as like a middle schooler and getting it more or whatever. It's great. Great show. Greatest show of all time.

There were different local stations that aired Simpsons and Seinfeld, but the one that aired Seinfeld also aired Cheers, and they had a song they would play, Monday Seinfeld, Tuesday Seinfeld, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Cheers. And we'd sing at a recess. It was a lot of fun. At recess? Dear God. I can also picture just you.

I can just also picture you just singing that and no one joining in. I love this song. We'll be back with more Doe Boys. Welcome back to Doe Boys. We are here with Fran Gillespie as we continue Friendly Green Grocer Mitch's grocery store month. That's right. It's a mouthful with Whole Foods. Whole Foods found in the-

It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Friendly Green Grocer Mitch's grocery store month. It's a lot to say. Whole Foods founded in Austin in 1978 as Safer Way. The merged and rebranded as Whole Foods Market in 1980. Purchased by Amazon, of course, in 2017 and now has over 500 locations in North America and the UK. Fran.

Hey, Nick. Yes. Before we get into it, I just want to say one thing. The Gamorian Guard or Gamorian Guard, however you say it, is not Jubknock. He doesn't have blue eyes. So he's not Jubknock. The eyes are brown. Oh boy.

That sucks. And then also I just want to quickly, can I just quickly, from the Home Improvement wiki? Can I just quickly talk about Mark? During his teen years, Mark began to adopt a more goth look and an anti-establishment kind of attitude. Mark's darkening demeanor worried Tim and Jill on several occasions. Jill sarcastically remarking the possibility of him worshiping the devil. For one thing, he dyed his hair green, painted his fingernails black, and even wore black lipstick on one occasion.

Ultimately, he shaved his hair when a girl dumped him. And to express worry, he'd take drugs like Brad had done. Jill herself became terrified that he had a desire to kill them. And he was shooting a video about such a plot. No. Yes. They explored that theme on Home Improvement? In later seasons, when JTT and Brad went to college, Mark turned, he turned.

Wow. He turned into like, he was like a Dylan Klebold level guy. And then here we go, filming. Good God. Mark grew a fondness in the area of film production and took it up as perhaps his primary interest. He ended up making two memorable videos. One video was a greased lightning music video promoting tool time in Tim's hot rod. All right.

Besides that, Mark also made a horror video alongside his friend Ronnie. So he alongside his friend Ronnie. And so basically, this is like, this is basically a Columbine thing. That video hardly to find yet. Later in his life, Mark started a podcast about fast food chains. That video arguably defined yet exaggerated Mark's feelings about feelings inside of being left out, as it was about a boy who kills his parents and brothers out of anger of being left out, insisting he didn't have a desire to kill anyone.

The video proved useful and it helped Tim and Jill to understand him better and help him to talk about his problems when needed. Leader leading to a stronger confidence. And that's from the, that is from the Home Improvement wiki. That is. I can't believe they gave him so much screen time. Like that is so crazy to spend that much time on someone that wasn't, didn't even have his own tool time.

Right. Did the like, did the older kids get too expensive contractually? I wonder, I wonder if that was maybe what was going on. Well, I think JTT was leaving to pursue other projects. He's like, I'm out of here. Yeah. And I don't know about Brad, but I definitely remember that Mark would had like black lipstick and it was meant to be like scary.

Right. Hey, hey, Mark, if you're going to shoot us up, use this more power. Hey, use this Binford AK-47. Hey, ended up shooting him. Anyways, that was a detour that was worth it. Yeah. I'm glad we spent that time digging into late season Mark. Fran, I'm curious, you are where Whole Foods is this week's chain, this week's grocery store.

I want to know if you are a Whole Foods patron in general and if you have any, any grocery store allegiance in particular. Okay. Whole Foods is too expensive for me. Yes. And I call it whole paycheck. Oh, that's good. That's what I say.

Whole lot of cash, it's costing me more life. But sometimes I frequent the 365, which is an offshoot of Whole Foods that's cheaper. Yes. 365. But in general, do I go to Whole Foods? The answer is no. In New York, there's a Whole Foods in Union Square that has a dine-in kind of area. And I've spent a lot of time there on rainy days.

I would get a cornbread that they would charge you by the weight. Like you could buy like a dollar and 63 cents worth of cornbread. And then I would sit there and wait for the rain to subside or kill time between whatever day job and UCB show I had to do. So I've spent a lot of time in Whole Foods, but I am not a frequent shopper. And my grocery store allegiance is not existent. I shop from Bodega's. Little markets.

Yes, wow. Wow. Yeah, I know living in the Big Apple, I know that you are someone who goes to Bodega's, but you're also a big fan of 7-Eleven, which you've reviewed on the podcast before. That's right. I went to 7-Eleven today. Wow. I go to 7-Eleven really almost every day.

I love 7-Eleven. This is my 7-Eleven unboxing. Coconut water, Gatorade. What flavor Gatorade you got there, friend? Lemon lime. It's kind of the only one I go with. Wow. I'm surprised.

I do like lemon lime, but I feel like if I, you know, I'll mix it up. I'll go with an orange. I'll go with a fruit punch. I'll go with the various blue varietals. They all work for me. Fierce strawberry, Nick, you know I like. Is that the white one? No.

Fierce strawberry, the white one. One of them is white. There's a white one. That's Glacier Cherry or whatever. Glacier Cherry. Yeah, Glacier. It's one of the, it's one of the frosts. Let's see here.

The Gatorade frost, I think they're trying to do too much. Lemon lime I like because it tastes like lemon. No, I concur with Fran. It's a branding, it's confusing. They're called, the frost branding doesn't need to exist. It's Glacier Cherry is the name of it. They're trying to do too much. If it's cherry, it shouldn't be white.

That means there's too many chemicals in it. Fran. Don't get me. My lemon lime, it's yellow because it's lemon lime. It tastes like lemon lime. And I don't need any fancy little branding twist. You know it tastes damn good and makes me play basketball just about as good as anybody else.

Wow. You're on notice, Rick Fox. Rick Fox. Yes. I go to 7-Eleven all the time. 7-Eleven is my bodega equivalent here in Los Angeles. But in New York, grocery stores are very expensive, very dirty, and just very small, like going to like, yeah, you definitely,

like I wouldn't ever go to a grocery store in New York. Wow. There's DiAgostino's in New York, very, very expensive. And then there's like, you know, kind of like safe way equivalents that are kind of, you know. Yeah, DiAgostino's sounds high end. Just the name itself sounds very elite, elitist. Yes. Yes.

I am not someone who shops at Whole Foods with all that much frequency. To Fran's point, it is very expensive. You know, like I said, I call it whole paycheck. And but the 365 offshoot, I've been to a number of times. There used to be a 365 by our old apartment, which is actually what I went to today. However, unfortunately, and we had this discussion with Emma before we started recording, they have discontinued the 365 brand for storefronts, and they're all being converted into regular Whole Foods.

So the cheaper, more budget-friendly version of Whole Foods is going away, and they're all going to be just super duper expensive, which is kind of a bummer. Mitch, do you have any Whole Foods fandom, any Whole Foods biases? I've never been to a Whole Foods to this episode. That's amazing. What? That's stunning. How have you not been to a Whole Foods?

What's your grocery store? I've been to, I went to a 365. Is it 365 or 365? It's 365, right? Well, it wouldn't be 360 because they're talking about 365 as in days of the year. Yes. Not as in 360, like a circle. Or like a kick-ass skateboard trick.

By the way, Glacier Freeze is delicious, so I'm mad at you guys about your frost takes. Glacier Freeze is one of the best. It can be a good flavor, but just the branding is confusing. That's my whole point. Glacier Freeze, it's one of the best. Anyways. You can still have that flavor and brand it as something else and get rid of the frost line. I agree.

If Gator, you could stand on its own two legs and not say, we need this extra little thing. Why not just call it, I'm sorry, just call it the flavor name. We don't need frost in there at all. Frost is colder in a hot summer day. You get a frost, it's cold. But it's not a colder temperature. It's not colder.

It is to me, damn it. It is to me. You think that because something has the word frost in it, it's colder? It cools me to my core, Fran. On a hot summer day, lemon lime. I don't want that boiling hot lemon lime. I went to 365 once. Yes.

And I disliked 365. It felt so much like a fucking just a warehouse. And I did not enjoy it. Well, you've basically, so there are the two pools of Whole Foods. And now the 365, like I said, is being discontinued. And so that'll kind of go away. But the Whole Foods is very hoity-toity inside. It's very, very nice and feels luxurious.

But the 365 is comparatively bare bones. Even compared to what we reviewed last week, Trader Joe's, it even feels like a, you know, it almost feels like it's between like a Trader Joe's and like a, you know, like a 99 cent store. Like it's almost like going to that. It's not going to that, that's the end of things, but it is pretty spartan in terms of the layout. I will say that the, however, the 365 is a little bit of a,

is actually something that's not going to completely just devastate your pocket book when you're shopping there, as you are to Normal Whole Foods, which I call a whole paycheck. I went to the 365 in Santa Monica and I got a few things. We'll just get into it. I got the Organic Kale Caesar Salad Kit, which is one of those things that comes in a bag and also includes, you know, your dressing, your toppings, your croutons, what have you.

This has a romaine kale, brussel sprouts, green cabbage, radicchio, Parmesan cheese, and croutons. Very solid salad. I like a huge portion. I mean, it was gigantic. But it was a good, helpful salad. I thought the produce for being something that's bagged and pre-packaged was reasonably fresh and decent quality.

I thought this was a good salad kit. Now, I'm not someone who will buy a salad kit, because I'm getting to the point where I'm buying a bag of greens, then I'm just going to make a salad, and I've already got dressing at home, and I can throw some pine nuts on there instead of their pre-packaged croutons or whatever. I feel so suspicious of like bagged greens. I feel so urban, so many recalls. I feel so suspicious of like a romaine hanging out in there.

I feel so scared. I'll do spinach, but a mix. If there's like a little romaine guy in there, I'm just too scared of romaine. Yeah. I mean, I'll usually opt for more of a mescaline green, something maybe with some herbs thrown in there. But I mean, I get that. I think if you want to be extra cautious,

you can always give it a secondary rinse at home. I don't think that'll ever do you any harm. Okay, yeah. You know what I do? Yes. I just grab the lettuce, put them under my arms, get in the shower. Why under your arms? Under your...

You should put them on the floor and then just kind of stamp on them, like how you wash underwear. Make a salad wine, it sounds like. You do that to grapes. It's true. I put a couple bundles under my arm, get in the shower, rinse it off. I also got a Detroit style pizza from the hot bar. Now look, they're hot bar and Whole Foods.

Detroit style. Square. They have a square pizza there. A square for the square. All right. They have a... Here's what I'll say about Whole Foods. Their hot bar and salad bar are excellent.

They're a little pricey, but they are filled with a bunch of stuff. If you want that as a workday lunch, that hot bar is great. That said, that's in the past. We're done with hot bars. Yeah. I don't try anything where it's like we're all reaching our hands in to, you know, grab like a half of a peach with cottage cheese in it. I don't think so.

Those days are gone forever. We should just let them go. And so we've crossed that horizon. We've crossed that threshold. We're not going back to hot bars. No. And so that is an asset of Whole Foods that is out the window. And in fact, that's what I would say is one of their chief assets.

You could go there for a... You know, it's a little pricey, but as far as the dinner out goes versus some other options, you could have a reasonable dinner. You could cobble together from there, from their hot bar and from their salad bar. And that's gone now. So what they have at the hot bar is instead of these pan pizzas that you can pick out your favorite slice from and then take to go, they just have individually packaged pizza slices, which are sitting under a hot lamp and are, you know, the packaging is very wasteful,

which is one thing, but whatever, that's the age we're in. But then also because it's sitting there, this pizza, I actually have had a number of times and I find to be pretty outstanding for the price. The individual packaged slice sitting in a plastic container absorbs so much moisture. And by the time I got at home, it was just like a wet, damp, very flavorful slice, but very, very moist. Weiger, you really just hit it on the head. I have to say my number one, I bought several items.

I have to say my overall review is everything was wet. Everything was wet. Did you take it into the shower? What happened to you? Why was everything wet? Everything is wet. It was, I got a tuna wrap. It was wet.

I got a chicken, I'm sorry, bean and cheese burrito. It was wet. It was wet. I will also just quickly say that if I saw a lady saying this to a Whole Foods manager, I think she's insane. Everything I got was wet. My burrito was wet. My tuna wrap was wet.

I won't wear a mask, not until your food stops being wet. It's my constitutional right that your food be dry. It is very wet. I also got some chicken pad thai with rice noodles that was wet. It's very moist. I made gnocchi and it was wet. Yeah. And look, Boisture is sometimes welcome in food, but if it's a little too much.

Moisture is the thing that we need in this. Moisture is a good thing. We all need hydration. You need to have a certain amount of water to stay alive. But if you have too much of it, it's like a sponge soaking in a janitor's sink. It's not a pleasant texture. And I think that was the issue with my pizza slice. And to some degree, the chicken pad thai with rice noodles.

The thing I'll say about the pad thai real quick is that it's not pad thai. It's a noodle dish with some ginger, tamarind, soy flavor to it. And okay, chicken, it said it came with a peanut sachet. Peanut sachet was not included. No peanut sachet. It said separate, take out the peanut sachet before you start heating. I didn't have a peanut sachet to take out. The peanut sachet wasn't there.

So no peanut sachet. That said, still salvageable, a decent, decent dish. But it just tasted nothing like pad thai. It had as much to do with pad thai as a hot pocket does with an authentic slice of pizza. A decent dish with no peanut sachet. No peanut sachet. That was absent. But I can see you, woman under that heat lamp light.

I was continuing your song, Lager. You got that red sauce, baby. Let's take a bite. Very good. You said those days are gone forever. I just, I think I should just let them go. And I have been trying to get that in for a while. It was worth it.

I agree with you that here's, here's, I have a slightly different problem is that. Yes. All this stuff. Should I just say what I got? Yes. Get into your food, please. Okay. I got myself a slice of cheese pizza.

And then this guy, Gio, who was at the counter. First of all, one guy said that he liked love. Another guy who was working there. And so I, I gave him, I gave him points right off the bat for that. It's great. Your Netflix show. And yeah, I was masked up. He said, he said, are you Randy?

I said yes. And then he walked away. But still. He didn't say anything after that. And I walked away. I saw him drive off in his car. Now, do you think it's possible, Mitch, that he said, are you Randy if he, that he meant it in the like the British euphemism for horny?

Yeah, like the Austin Powell situation. Are you Randy? And then he, and then he was, and then he said, I like love hint, hint. Maybe that's what was going on. That could have been it. I didn't, I didn't get to talk to him or get his name, but I talked to the guy Gio. Gio made me, he got me my slice of pizza. He said, do you want me to put that in the oven for a little bit warming up?

I said, sure. I don't know. I said, no, it's not a big deal. He said, let me just do it. I'll take a minute. So we put it in the oven and then, and then he made my burrito and he said, do you want me to press that for a little, for a minute or keep warming up? I said, well, it's okay.

And he said, let me do it. And he did it. He went above and beyond Gio ruled and he helped me make my burrito, which had Spanish rice, carne asada work there. Spanish rice, carne asada, black beans, verde sauce, red sauce, cheese, sour cream, jalapeños. And let me just say this thing was a fucking bomb. It was huge. Big, big boy.

It was, it was a big ass burrito. Slice of cheese pizza. Like I said, I also got myself an Oreo chocolate cake slice. I got myself a sliced pineapple core. I got Waterloo black cherry sparkling water. Is Waterloo a song from, is Waterloo a song from a Mamma Mia? Yeah. Waterloo.

Waterloo do me this to let me down. Yeah. Get me those salsas and you bubble me. Smoked mozzarella pasta salad, roast beef and horseradish sandwich. And then those, those were all display things. Those were all in the kind of the same area. Then I got from the frozen section, the cold case. Thank you, Weigher.

Everything pastry wrapped Frank's and Bre bites with mustard, mustard Arda. Careful mustard, mustard, mustard, mustard Arda. Fuck. Mustard. Bre bites with mustard. Yum. That sounds good. I don't even know what you're trying to say.

I know. Mustard Arda? I never heard of it. It's on the package and also. Okay. Who the fuck is, well, I'll get to those in a second. Two things I didn't get to try. Strawberry fruit bars by 365, but I didn't say 365 by Whole Foods,

which the other things I got did. But I now I'm hearing that it's the same thing. So it doesn't matter. It is their brand. Yeah. I also got a pre-made chicken verde burrito. Also didn't get to that. I got myself a health aid kombucha, blood orange carrot and ginger,

which I've been drinking during the record. And then I finally got the 365 kettle cooked potato chips, sea salt and vinegar. And 365 cheese curls, which are basically. Puffs. Cheesy poofs from Sound Park. Got it. Cartman.

Cartman loves them. Cheesy poofs. Yes. That classic Cartman catchphrase, Cartman. Mustard Ardo. Mustard Ardo. Fran, what else did you get? What else is an example?

I got a rising crust pizza that I made in the oven and shrimp and potato and peasamosas. And I got caramel sea salt gelato. And I got like a fruit tart. And then yeah, chips, hummus, pretty much. And then yeah, a burrito, the gnocchi, as I mentioned, and the tuna wrap, which were all wet. And the shrimp was really wet. So you got a bunch of wet options. But was there anything that had some redeeming qualities to it?

The gelato was really good. I mean, all the food was totally fine. I would say the price point does not fit the crime. It's just not, I'm bummed to get a tuna wrap that's eight dollars that is, yeah, wet. And I think Whole Foods is so, so overpriced for what they give you. And it just doesn't need to be that way. I don't know what I'm getting for the price. But the gelato was good.

I made the pizza in the oven and it was totally fine. I mean, it reminded me of like babysitting. Like, you know, it's like food easy to make, kind of just like frozen foods that you heat up where it's like, I'm not feeling like this is a special night. In fact, I might even feel a little bummed by it. Like it just kind of feels like, and the price point does always bum me out at a Whole Foods. Yeah, it's a little too pricey. And maybe that's reflected in the quality of the ingredients, but it's certainly not reflected.

I feel like in the price, I'm sorry, it is reflected in the price. It's not reflected in the flavor, rather absent a few items. I think in general, like most of their stuff is like, oh, this is fine. Some of the other items I got, I got the, I got some macaroni and cheese small bites, which I heated up in the oven. Now, the mac and cheese bites we got from Trader Joe's were standouts. Those are a home run. These, I think they were just texture.

They didn't have much flavor to them. The nice thing is they were crisp on the outside, cooked up in the oven, and it was gooey, so soft and chewy in the middle. But I didn't get like that mac and cheese flavor from it. I just got like a gooey, it was just like a gooey ball with, you know, it was gooey inside and crunchy on the outside. It was purely a textural experience. You can stop at gooey ball enough right there.

Yeah, it's just a gooey ball. I mean, I just want to add that, that it, hold these food items feel like a cheat meal because they're not healthy, but they're also not good. And that's what bums me the fuck out. I almost wish that I had just like a pure pleasure place where it's like, look, I'm cheating. I'm being bad. I'm sitting in my house and I'm eating fast food, french fries, burger, chicken finger, whatever.

But I get none of the satisfaction from these like insanely bad for you foods. Yes. Yeah, if I'm going to be, you know, like absorbing almost 600 calories with my modest tray of food as I did with that chicken pad thai with rice noodles that did not include a peanut sachet, I want like, like I might as well just have a little lasagna. If I'm going to have that many calories, I 100% agree with you just to echo your point. Some other items I got that I thought were actually pretty decent. The cheddar and sour cream ripple potato chips.

These were just a rip off of these sour cream cheddar and sour cream ruffles, but they were a decent rip off. They were just like a more expensive, just as unhealthy, just as processed version of it. But if you're going to Whole Foods and that's your option for chips, say that they were a decent replica of the ruffles of Rytle, Cape Cod trail mix. I got a little nod to your native New England Mitch roasted almonds and cashews with dried cranberries, very simple trail mix. And this one actually worked.

This might have been my favorite thing I got. This is like a, this blend of these, of those two nuts and dried cranberries was just a perfect salty and sweet combo. And they had the right number of cranberries tossed in there. I thought this was, I was surprised by how good this trail mix was, because I usually like a few more elements in my gorp. Of the, I got a Euro classic belt. It was Cape Cod brand?

It was, no, this was a 365 brand, Cape Cod trail mix. Everything I got was 365 or Whole Foods brand. I also got a Whole Foods brand, the Euro classic Belgian sweet waffle, which was a packaged waffle that you eat like a cookie. I guess like they do in Europe. I don't know. I've never crossed an ocean. But the, this was just gross.

And it was just like, it was just like biting into gran, like a like granulated sugar formed into a waffle. It was really, I thought it was pretty disgusting. Wigers never crossed an ocean. Yeah. The least pleasant bite I had. My jaw just dropped at that. That is like, I never knew that, but I'm sure it's cannon for the show.

It's cannon for my life. And real quick, just to wrap up with the last thing. I got a coffee and donut ice cream. The coffee ice cream was quite good. I thought it was like a nice, rich coffee. Just the donut pieces that were in there, they just had no flavor. Again, it was just a texture. It was just like a little, it was just like a little piece of,

honestly, yellow cake without sugar. It was like little pieces of white bread thrown in there. And I think it would have been better without it. Wives, you're like the anti Magellan. Yes. I did, I do not circumnavigate the globe. I'm fine just where I am. I like the way that three, that Whole Foods are 365 names, the chips,

because it's just like, you know how Halloween costumes can't be like, this is Spider-Man. So it'll be like, this is the boy who likes the insects, like because the key or like an Austin powers will be like 60s mod man. Even though it's just a full, it's exactly what they do with their chips where they like, no, they can't call them Cheetos. And so they'll be like, Orange Curly's. They're every chip name is just kind of like, you know,

it's they're trying to get the point across where you're like, oh, this is just the same thing as, but the chips names are good. Yeah. Yeah, I, I, um, I agree mostly with you guys and I especially, I mean, that's the thing is like Trader Joe's, Trader Joe's has to do this, a similar thing of like Cheesy Puffs or whatever. But, but, I mean, no one really cares if they do cheesy poofs.

It's not a South Park thing, but like the Doritos are like, you know, like nachos or whatever. Yeah. But, but those are good. Usually they're the, the Trader Joe's brand is good. And I just, I felt the same way you guys did about, and first of all, the Bre bites with mustard, um, no one, who buys Bre bites with mustard, they sucked.

They were not good for like the quality that they were, but look, they were frozen. So I was like, whatever, the everything pastry wrap, Frank's were better, but also just too bready kind of sucked. You can make homemade ones much, much better. The thing that really let me down is like the roast beef sandwich and the, and the, a couple of the other like prepared things. Even honestly, the, the, like the Oreo chocolate cake.

Yeah. That should be, that should be great. That should be a whole run. Yeah. An expensive piece of Oreo cake from Whole Foods should taste great. And it was kind of dry and not good. And the sandwich was not good. I still have half of it here.

I, I barely, actually, this is, this is the, this is the only half that I ate and I hate not even a half of the half. That's all I ate of the sandwich and it sucks. Wow. And I'm a big fat guy and I eat everything. So, um, the, the pineapple core, like of course fresh food is like whatever, but I didn't even think the pineapple core was that good. I've had like fresher tasting fruit at, from Albertsons or anywhere.

It's, it's not. And so the thing that, the thing that really was good to me, and this is something that seems like with, with Whole Foods that is a huge plus was the slice of cheese, pizza and the burrito. The burrito was like compare, like kind of close to a Chipotle burrito. And both of those were good. My guy Geo did a good job with them. They were for real, were decent, but everything else that was like prepackaged,

I haven't eaten that chicken verde burrito, but it doesn't even tell you how to heat it up. It just is, you do eat it cold. You know what I mean? Like what the fuck? Yeah, it's just a, all of it is bummer. Like I said, I didn't try the chicken verde burrito or the strawberry fruit bars, but just big let down.

The cheese curls were like fine, but I'll probably toss them. Yeah. And then Emma, Emma knows this, the Cape Cod, Cape Cod potato chips. They're literally the best potato chips ever. The salt and vinegar Cape Cod potato chips are far, far better than these fucking 365 kettle cook. They're tops. They're the best.

I went to the Cape Cod potato chip factory as a boy. Yes. It was a great experience. I saw the chips on the conveyor belt. They had to fish you out of the big tank. Yeah. You dove in the chips. I was not like Augustus, Augustus Gloop or whatever his name was.

The chips used to be straight, but then you jumped in. Now they all kind of have a curl. For 30 years. It just became a convention. By the way, Mitch, I looked up the word you were having trouble pronouncing. I have it right here. Mustafar was a small volcanic planet located in the Mustafar system that became a fortified imperial world as it housed Fortress Vader,

the personal sanctum of the Sith Lord Darth Vader. So you know what? Never mind. Just three bites with Mustafar. That's what you were trying to say. You think I would have problems saying Mustafar? I love Mustafar. And you think that my breed bites came with Mustafar?

Look, the burrito, the burrito, the slice of pizza, which they seem like they make pretty decent pizza there maybe. They do. They make good pizza for a grocery store. Totally fine. The burrito, the slice of pizza. And I also did like, I liked the smoked mozzarella pasta salad that was pretty good. And then besides that, I liked my healthy kombucha, but it has nothing to do with whole foods.

And the Waterloo Mamma Mia sparkling water is pretty good too. But that's not whole foods. Yeah. It has nothing. I know I'm saying two of the things that I liked were non-whole foods, which is those are the only two things non-whole foods that I got. And they were on the top of the list. So a bad outing, Nick.

That's all I'm going to say. Well, we should get to our final thoughts here. So Fran, because it's grocery store month, we have changed up our system when we're actually doing, instead of out of five forks as we normally do, we're doing it out of 10 carts. So as a veteran of the show, you understand the format. We will say like your recap of your thoughts on whole foods and then end it by giving us a rating on the scale of zero to 10 carts. Hold on.

And also let me quickly say that there's a few categories, Fran, to take into consideration. Overall impressions, that includes its name and possible mascot, parking, produce, snacks, frozen snacks, cold snacks slash drinks, checkout, hoity-toidiness, bagging in carts in price. You can pretty much ignore those. That's what we did last episode. It's too much. Yeah, I don't know that I want to say that much more about whole foods, but I will say it's whole foods mascot is a green basket of fruit.

I think so. And it's carried over the F, right? Yeah. Yes. Of the foods. Which, you know what? As far as grocery store mascots go, not bad honestly. No, I want it to be like a shark or something.

You want it to be somebody fun. You want it to have some pizzazz, a bowl of fruit. Come on. The whole foods mascot is the O and the whole foods is an orange. Yeah, that's not, there's not a lot going on there. Okay, it's hoity-toity. Let's just get that right out of the way. It's hoity-toity.

The price points are rude. Okay, they're way too high, 20% too expensive. Sure, there's parking, but there's a reason why. It's too expensive to go there. And the layout is fine. It is what it is. The hot bar, that would have been the highlight for me. It certainly was in my 20s when, you know, I'd get a little cornbread and sit and enjoy it.

But a hot bar, RIP, so I would have to say the food was wet, wet, wet. It didn't last. There was no shelf life for the hot food items that I got. And overall, I was very disappointed with the taste. It was all calories, no enjoyment. And I have to give it three carts. Three carts, wow.

Wow, that's a failing grade. All right, Mitch, Spoon Man, go for it. Your thoughts on Whole Foods. All right, here's what Whole Foods has over Trader Joe's. Easier parking, and it's kind of more spread out. And I don't feel as claustrophobic inside of it. And I don't know whether that's, I wanted to add a better time, but it is very spread out. The, just the supermarket.

And I think the checkout is pretty easy. This is just from my one experience. I could be completely wrong here. What it doesn't have, and it also, here's the other thing it has, fresh hot products in the hot food bar. And Trader Joe's doesn't have any of that stuff. What Trader Joe's does have is much quality, better original products. Just everything that they have is much better.

What, what are you laughing at me for? I'm too serious? No, we agree. It's much quality, better original products. No, you're right, Mitch. It's much quality. It's much quality, better original products. Original products.

Well, I didn't know that I spoke like a fool. No, you're right. We're agreeing with you. We're agreeing with you. It's much quality, better original products. What's the problem? Much better quality original, original products. Sometimes I say things wrong.

What do you want from me? The frozen snacks. I mean, like all the food at Trader Joe's is better. Right? I mean, like all the originals, the issue with both of them is that you can't get some stuff that you want to get at the regular fucking supermarket. And that's an issue with both of those places. And look, the hoity-toidiness, I go in there, you see some of the people in there.

It's too hoity-toity. It makes me want to pull a Mark Taylor. Oh boy. It makes me want to go home and make a video about killing my parents, I guess. Oh boy. It makes me want to pull a Mark Taylor, Nick. It gets me angry. It makes me want to go goth.

Your parents? What? You kill your parents? That's what Mark did in his video. It's, for the price, it's not worth it. I didn't spend a lot there. I spent about $60. But for what I got, not worth 60 bucks.

Look, it just may not be the place for me. You know what I mean? I just don't, like I get going to, I get going to Trader Joe's, but I don't think I'll ever get going to Whole Foods ever again. I wish that Trader Joe's, I wish that Trader Joe's had a setup like this Whole Foods because I would probably go to Trader Joe's much more often. Right. But it just, it wasn't doing it for me.

Why? So I'm going four carts and one basket, four and a half. Four carts, so a basket is, a basket is a half cart we've established. That's right. Got it. I think, you know, I agree with, with both of you. The price point is the big negative for Whole Foods. From a, from a practical standpoint in terms of actually shopping there.

You know, like I said, I call it Whole Paycheck. I think that the prepared. Don't laugh at that. The hot bar was it's main asset. You clutch your pearls when I say I'm going to pull a Mark Taylor. And then Weiger again says Whole Paycheck for the 10th time this episode. And Fran starts giggling up a storm. It's my joke.

People like it. Whole Paycheck. It's good. It's just good, clean, fun. Look, it's a more quality, better joke. It's a more quality, better, the most joke. Fran, my dad used to say more quality, better. Oh boy.

Look, I fucked up when I talked. There might be some deeper issues with me. I don't know. Okay. What do people want from me? I'm trying here. Whole Foods is expensive. And that's, that's its main detriment for a practical standpoint.

From a larger standpoint, it's owned by Amazon. And Amazon is, is, you know, obviously awful. And, you know, I don't like inadvertently supporting, indirectly supporting Amazon when I go to Whole Foods. And so that's, that's to me is, is to its detriment. Although all these companies are owned by monsters. I will say that like, this is not a good grocery store you can really go to on a corporate level.

But I, I do like, you know, some of their pre-packaged snacks are okay. Most are not, most are under or below average. Their hot bar, like I said, was their main asset. Unfortunately, that, that doesn't really count for anything anymore. If I go to a grocery store, and if I go to Whole Foods, and when I used to go there in particular, you know, I'm buying, I'm not buying a lot of like, this is a meal I'm going to take home and reheat. That's just not how we grocery shop.

We'll be like, I'll get some proteins and I'll get some vegetables and we'll make something. And I do think from the, from the, to talk about your, you know, produce point, I think their produce is pretty decent. I think they have pretty good, you know, fresh fruit and vegetables. It is a little pricey, but I think you can get, you can get decent quality stuff there. And if you're not going to the trouble of going to like a farmer's market or whatever, it's, it's one of your better options.

And I think their, their proteins are, are, are pretty decent, but that's not the exercise. That's not what we're doing. We're evaluating these, these in terms of I'm going to get something and grab and go. And from that standpoint, I think Whole Foods is pretty, pretty under, underwhelming and certainly too expensive. Grab and no. It's more of a grab and no situation.

And you're spending an arm and a leg to get there, you know, to get it. So why bother? And also I, I like to call it a whole paycheck. I'm giving Whole Foods, aka whole paycheck, three forks, one cart, kind of splitting the difference between the two of you. Forks, huh? Yeah. Three cart, three carts. Oh, did I say fork?

Yeah. I meant three carts, one basket. What is the fork to basket? This is, this is way worse than my much quality better line. What is the fork to basket conversion ratio? Basket is a half fork. A basket is a half fork? Yeah, because two.

And a shopping cart is a fork. Two forks is one fork. Got it. Okay. So I was, so I should say that I will give it three. I'm, I'm, you know, I'm gonna say three, three carts, one, one basket, three carts, one basket. Final answer. That's what I'm sticking with.

We don't have it. We don't have a measurement for a quarter of a fork or a one time yet. But we'll just call that a plot. That's an un-car plot. A plot? Yeah. If you want to give something one quarter portion, just say you're giving it a plot. That was our review of Whole Foods for Friendly Green Grocer Mitch's Grocery Store Month.

Friends mad. I don't get what a plot is, but... Un-car plot is the memorable character from The Force Awakens. It's not worth telling. That was our review of Whole Foods. We have a fast food item that we bought yesterday. We're going to test how it held up after spending a night in the fridge. These are The Leftovers.

As we hear the theme song for the segment The Leftovers, the season one intro music to the HBO's The Leftovers, a Mitch, this was your idea to try this particular item for this week's segment. It was my idea. You thought that we had maybe done it before. We had actually done 7-Eleven Pizza for a Leftover. Yes, we've done 7-Eleven for The Leftovers, but not specifically the Big Bite Hot Dog. It's 4th of July.

We're doing the Big Bite Hot Dog from 7-Eleven. I mean, it's whatever, it's a week after 4th of July. I don't know when this comes out, but who gives a shit? Also, are we still celebrating the 4th of July? 4th of July is canceled. Yeah, I think it's bad now. Yeah, 4th of July is kind of getting pushed into the river. With me, Cleveland!

Oh, no. No, Mitch, you can't audition for that. No, Mitch. You're not going to be the next Cleveland. Fran, they extended me an offer for the role of Cleveland and... No. Oh, I don't think this is happening to anyone in this situation. Against my better judgment, I took the role.

They also tried to take your statue down, but it was too heavy. We got ourselves Big Bite Hot Dogs, Nick. This is truly, as far as Leftovers go, this is the... I want to eat this the least. I've been thinking about it, this is like eating trash. It truly just looks like trash. And Susser said that we had to dress these when we were talking about it on our text chain.

So I put ketchup and mustard on mine. There was no... Honestly, oh, Fran, you did it as well. I put my ketchup and mustard on before I put it on the fridge last night. Wow. And did... Weiger, did you put your ketchup and mustard on before refrigeration or now? Oh, I went further than ketchup and mustard.

Last night? I put on chili and cheese. Ugh. And it looks really bad. This cheese sauce is completely coagulated. Yeah, it's pretty putrid-looking. It smells worse than it looks. I will say the smell is really what got me.

I opened up the lid and it is just... It really does smell like the garbage near the ballpark. It smells like really... And also the hot dog is gray and the consistency is like an old man's skin who is like a fisherman. Fran, you are 100% right. You nailed it with. It smells like a ballpark trash.

Yeah. I also got us... I got some jalapeño and cream cheese. What are these things called? The rollers. The go-go taquitos. The go-go taquitos. Fran is actually a pescatarian.

She's taking a bite of a hot dog for us for this stupid podcast. I'm going to take a bite of the end that doesn't have ketchup and mustard on it first. And then I'm going to go... The ketchup and mustard has hardened, Nick. It looks fucking disgusting. Yeah, it really looks so... I don't know that I'm going to take two bites, so I think I have to just take the bite with the condiments on it.

Right. I've taken a bite. Also, the bun is so hard. The bun really... I mean, I don't know. I would expect it to be loaded up with preservatives, so I would think it would last, but I think probably it's just being in the fridge.

It really solidified. Rich, are you going to barf? Oh, Mitch is... I wish I didn't know it was that. Now I feel so scared. Okay, I'm just going to take it. I'm just going to jump in. I'm just going to jump in.

This is really hard. Fran is taking a bite. So let me explain my personal hesitancy, and it doesn't just have to do... Fran's really reacted there. Fran's reaction was pretty... pretty staggering. Yeah, I mean, aside from both of you just making disgusted faces,

like you just been subjected to watching a snuff film... I took a bite with none of the condiments on it, and it was so hard already. So here's my personal hesitancy with my specific hot dog. The man working behind the counter at the 7-Eleven had his mask dangling off of one ear, and he was chewing gum. So I was...

I'm a little hesitant, because for sanitation reasons, but maybe it's okay. He was wearing two layers of gloves. I'm going to throw up. Mitch is going to throw up. I guess I'll just take a bite of this. I also will say that I walked to 7-Eleven and walked home.

So in addition to having a number of hours in the fridge, this had about 40 minutes in the sun. So we'll see how it holds up. I'm taking a bite right... I think I'm going to do a single bite. The bite with the hardened condiments really just... the way they hardened on top of the hot dog. The hot dog is sweating, by the way,

and the sweat drops are basically stuck on the side of it. It's one of the nastiest things. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to eat on the show. That was revolting. I've had probably... I mean, I've had worse things in my life, but that's really, really bad quality that is not helped by the amount of time it's spent in stasis.

I am going to say that that is... What's our standard for leftovers? Is it going to get left behind? It's left behind? Or does it ascend to... Was it heaven? I haven't seen the show. To heaven, yeah.

Does it ascend to heaven or is it left behind? This is left behind. No, is it... Wait, do you... Does it get left behind or do you throw it away? Do you just throw it away? And which one is good? Ascending to heaven is good.

I'm going to just throw this straight to hell. I'm going to just throw mine away. Yeah, I'm going to just throw mine to a trash can in hell. This is really bad. I got to say, I took the bite with the condiments. In cold, old ketchup went to the back of my throat, and all I could do was try not to throw up, and I was just chewing.

The hot dog became harder. It was very hard. It is really hard. Weirdly hard. The consistency of it, the consistency of it, it just fucking hardened up, almost like it fucking was in the freezer. And Fran, also, now it is...

Am I supposed to suck this shit? I know. When I put the whole thing in my mouth, I was like, okay, but when's it going to squirt? Oh, God. What? I took a bite of that roast beef sandwich to get the taste out of my mouth,

and I almost still threw up. Fran. Really gross. Your palate cleanser is a roast beef sandwich. It was the thing that was nearby. He just got one on standby at all times. It's like a glass of water. That's how Mitch clears his throat.

He's like, excuse me, I've got a tickle, and then he has a bite of a roast beef sandwich. When I go wine tasting in between each wine, I don't have a fucking roast beef sandwich. Fran. You've got to strap to your leg like an EpiPen. I'm going to eat this little taquito. We're going to eat the Toe Toe Go-Go Taquito cream cheese

in jalapeno. I didn't know about the taquito component, so I didn't get one. I don't think it can be worse than the hot dog, so. Okay. Did you dip it in anything? No. It's not as bad, but it's pretty bad.

It's bad. I can't. The cream cheese is horrible, Mitch. It tastes like Play-Doh. I think the outside of it is pretty bad. It's not as bad as the hot dog. It's dumb like it. This is interesting because I actually will enjoy a 7-Eleven hot dog hot off the rollers,

but overnight it just does not hold up, which is a bummer. It's not really a bummer. Well, yeah, you just have to keep that in mind that if you're going to get a whole, if you're going to get a hot dog from 7-Eleven, that's for immediate consumption. You're drinking something that might be too cold. Oh my god. Your body temperature is going to plummet. Oh, a zero.

I got Gatorade zero. Glacier freeze frost. Wow. That's too cold to drink. Honestly. Now can you shoot ice beams like Frozone? I got to tell you, I don't like what I've seen going on here. You two are teaming up.

I don't like it. We're having fun. Everyone's having fun. We get along. You're our common enemy. Get over it. Just like a restaurant without your feedback. Let's open up the feedback.

Today's no customer data. Hold on one second. Both the go-go to keto also goes straight to fucking hell. Yeah. Yes. I just didn't throw that right the fuck out. I send it down to hell and fucking, I lodge it up, the devil's dick. How's that, Lager?

Up his dick? I guess he's flaccid at the time. Sneaking out underneath him. He's like flaccid and you're sneaking out underneath him between his legs. Up it. I'm putting it in his fucking the devil's pee hole. Oh, I get what you're saying. No, you know what?

Fine. I lay it under his flaccid dick. Like a splint? I agree with Mitch. I want to lay this go-go to keto right under the devil's flaccid dick. Under it. That was truly the most, honestly, both of them, two of the most hard things we've ever had on leftovers.

Yeah, I regret the segment. Hey, I guess for anyone out there, look, you don't have to rush to get the show over with. It's fine. I'm not rushing, I was just moving to the next segment. I thought we were done. I was just going to say, it's a good warning for anyone who buys a hot dog and puts ketchup and mustard on it and then puts it in the fridge.

Whoever does that, you're fucking out of your mind. Yeah, don't do that. Never do it. I mean, unless you get absolutely, you dress two hot dogs, your eyes are bigger than your stomach, and you're like, I get, you know what, I don't want to throw this away. I'll see if I can salvage it tomorrow. But I think when you do do that,

I think you got to scrape off those condiments before you reheat it. You guys, I ate a day old hot dog one month ago. I got two hot dogs from, actually, a friend got me two hot dogs from Portillo's because he was driving by Portillo's on his way back from San Diego. And he got me two Portillo's and I ate one, put one in the fridge and ate it 24 hours later, and it had been dressed. And I ate, so this summer, I've already eaten a day old hot dog. Ha.

Dear God. You know what, that's just where quality enters the picture. You know, Portillo's is going to give you a better dog than anything you get from 7-Eleven. And we're 7-Eleven apologists here. Hey, that was our, that was the leftover. It's just like a restaurant of your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. And today we have an email, Mitch from Dana.

Dana writes, Are there any specific foods you guys can slash will eat until you feel physically ill? I can eat peanut butter M&Ms, Oreos, and watermelon until I feel like puking. I'm otherwise not a big eater, but I have no issues eating an entire sleeve of Oreos or half a watermelon in one sitting. So the question here is foods that you could gorge on to an unhealthy degree. Anything come to mind for either of you? Well, I'll just say I get king size box of sour patch kids at the movies and I eat the whole

thing and it always, always gives me a stomach ache and it like hurts my gums because there's Wow. much and I will do it almost every time I go to the movie theater. Wow. That's intense. So yeah, too much sour that can really, that's really punishing and it like makes white and it like makes white bumps on the back of my tongue. Oh my gosh.

Maybe shouldn't be allergic reaction. Yeah. Well, excuse me, Mitch. What advice were you giving me? Of course you need pizza till I feel sick. I eat popcorn until like the theaters all eat popcorn until I like specifically know that I'm going to have a stomach ache like I'm like I'm in trouble. I've eaten too much of it.

Besides that, when I'm really like eating to make myself sick, it's usually like when I go to like a steak house or have a fancy dinner with friends. And then I'm like, oh, this is like a cool restaurant. We want to try and I'm going to like eat till I get sick. I eat too much till I get sick. It's bad. It's bad. I mean, it just happens too much with me.

There's no specific food in the way that they're asking, but I definitely do it too often. Yeah. I've developed more self control as I've aged, but I did used to have a big problem with, you know, full sugar sodas. Like I could drink just like just take down a whole six pack in a day of full sugar sodas because it's just drinking one after the other. And and, you know, like like also the court of not the court, the pint of ice cream is dangerous because that can very easily turn into one serving if you're eating directly out of the pint.

So I kind of have to impose on myself. I'm going to get a pint of ice cream. I have to put it in a separate container or I have to put it like put it into a bowl or put it into like honestly, like a coffee mug to give myself a reasonable like scoop and a half or else I'll just eat out of that whole fucking pint. But honestly, the the the Oreos is one of them. Oreos was something that that Dana mentioned and I have eaten an entire not just a sleeve. I've eaten a bag of Oreos, especially when I'm really like, yeah, when I'm like stress

eating or like depressed, like I've gone through a whole fucking bag of Oreos in one sitting, especially those golden Oreos, which are which are quite good. But my big thing I will say is chips and salsa or chips and guac. That I think is always a scenario, especially if I'm at a and you know, we don't go to restaurants anymore. But when restaurants existed, when dining when dining in was a thing you could do that was at all responsible, I would I would get like a like chips and salsa and just I'll just keep fucking going. They keep coming. I'll keep it going. That makes you sick.

I'll yeah, I will I will have so much chips and salsa that I can't finish my entree. Like I'll just like I'll just get like my I'll just be full of fucking chips and the and medium salsa and or guac. I in my early 20s, I had never eaten lobster before and I went to a very fancy wedding and they had in the like appetizer area lobster and I had never eaten it before and I started eating it and I was like, well, this is fucking delicious. And I had so much of it that the zipper on my dress broke and it was in the winter and I had to just wear my jacket around because my dress busted because I ate so much lobster.

Wow. That's pretty awesome though. Have you ever but I've I've only I've split pants before but never like I've been eating a meal but I've gotten to the point where like I busted a zipper or a or a button off of you. Has that ever experienced that, Mitch? I've definitely had to undo my belt. Yeah, which is like such a fucking like fat 1930s thing, but I have I've had to fucking be like I got to loosen my belt, which is embarrassing, but I did that's happened. I mean, I think that now in the last 10 years, wearing like tight pants is

trendy for women and men. And I think that way more often than people want to admit people undo their button at dinner. I mean, I used to do it all the time, girlfriends, guy friends, I know people that would unbutton their button all the time at dinner because pants are so much tighter than they used to be. Right. I'll I'll pre I have preemptively done that for sure. I have like I like, oh, I'm going to have a meal. I'll just subtly, you know, subtly undo this bad boy and it'll be in a little better shape. You you don't you don't undo the button. You just undo you undo the zipper, but it's not for.

I do not pull my thing out at dinner. It barely makes its way out of the fly. When when Mitch eats too much, he has to let his thing kind of poke. Just crest a little bit. Why do you know what you guys should do is do a little is it the left cheek sneak that you talked about earlier? I mean, it doesn't have to be the left cheek, just one cheek. One cheek sneak. Yeah. Yeah. The one cheek sneak lets a mare out and then you don't have to undo the button.

Just fucking clump in at the dinner table. I actually thought you were just asking me to do it right now. That's not how farts work. Well, my question is that you were like, why don't you two fart right now? I was like, not for free. Nick, you said not you said not on the dinner table, which I would not do. But when do you when do you sneak in when you when do you sneak in one anyways? Meetings. Classroom. Like a lot the hell.

If you're captive and you have some degree of confidence that it's not going to be an SBD because there are scenarios even as an adult silent but deadly. Go to the fucking bathroom. I think you got to crack that acronym if you thought about it for a second. That's not always an option. Realistically, that's not always an option and certainly as a kid and a lot of times in adult life. You're one of these motherfuckers who's opening up their fucking buttholes on planes, aren't you? No, I do not do that. Absolutely not. I understand the situation. I know what the social

compact is. I am outraged that you would accuse me of this. I understand the social compact when I am close place. I take public transit all the time. I would not do that on a bus. I would not do that. I don't believe you. I don't believe you. I think you're a stinky sneak. No, I'm not. I'm not one cheek sneaking. You know what? You don't even have a one cheek sneak on a plane. It's so loud. You can blast full, full volume. Looks like no one can hear it on the jet engine. Sounds like you're a fucking pro at it. I'm not stinking up. No fucking. I'm not stinking up a plane. I'm not stinking up a bus. I'm not stinking up a train. Oh, that's right. You guys are just sneaking for the hell of it when you're alone. You're sneaking it. You're

sneaking your, you're sneaking your little stinks in front of people and people are blaming me on the plane. They're blaming the fact. I gotta say, it really depends on the airline. If I'm flying from here, you're going to smell my farts. If I'm flying like jet blue, I'll try and hold it in. But yeah, if you're charging me because I have one bag, I'm going to fart on the plane. You stinky little stinky sneakers. That's what you guys are. I will not be impugned with this accusation. If you have a question or comment about the word of the chain restaurant, check in the mail us at dowboyspodcast at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 Godot. That's 830 4636844. To get the Dowboys double our weekly bonus episode, join the Golden or Platinum

Plate Club at patreon.com slash dowboys. Fran Gillespie, a delight to have you as always. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for eating whole foods and in particular, having a potentially dangerous bite of some leftover 7-Eleven foods. Is there anything you would like to plug Fran? No, I just want to say thank you for having me on the quality best podcast number one. No, Fran, we love our Franny. We do. The Dowboys love our Franny. Thank you, Fran. Thank you for being here. I got to give a shout out to Adam Gertler because he sent me some hot dog, some doghouse hot dogs. Yes, Adam Gertler, as we mentioned, is the Sausage Purveyor for Doghouse, which is a member of the Golden Plate Club. We reviewed a

couple episodes back with Danny Fernandez, very, very kindly offered some sausages to send to us. And look, the Dowboys can't be bought. This isn't branded content. This was not a quid pro quo. It's just a nice thing that Adam did. And Adam will be back in the show sometime soon. Five forks. You're upgrading your score as a result of a bribe? Five forks. I think it was maybe four and a half forks. I think five now, yeah. Wow. We're gonna have to, we're gonna be investigated. Are you listening? Are you listening whole foods? I don't care. That'll do it for this episode of Dowboys. Until next time, for the Spoonman, McMitchell, I'm Nick Weigher, happy eating. See ya.

On the next Dowboys Double, Grocery Store Month continues with a movie set in a supermarket. Joan Ford joins to review the Stephen King novella turned Frank Darabont film, The Mist. Plus, we taste as Sierra Mist. You won't want to miss this one. Get the Dowboys Double every Tuesday only at Patreon.com slash Dowboys.