Doughboys - Habit Burger 2 with Bryan Quinby

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

Bryan Quinby (@murderxbryan, Guys) joins the 'boys to talk brain juice, Metallica, and Airbnbs before a review of Habit Burger. Plus, the return of Unsatisfied Yelper.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. When maps of stars' homes are circulated, they focus on LA neighborhoods and neighboring hoods like the Hollywood Hills, Beverly Hills, and Malibu. But when Entertainment's Elite really hoped to escape the spotlights they otherwise crave, they make their homes away from home in a comparatively discreet SoCal locale,

the beach-adjacent wine country college town of Santa Barbara. Just a few hours removed from the City of Angels by way of car or the lovely Pacific surfliner railway, the notable residents of the so-called American Riviera include A-lister's Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise, George Lucas, Law & Order Kingpin, Dick Wolfe, Barang's father James Cameron, and beloved Doeboy's guest in Parks and Rec star Rob Lowe. Who, interestingly, no one complained about to NBC or to Fox, where he hosts the game show The Floor, or even podcast network Earwolf, which produced his vanity show actually, not to be confused with Adam Conover's factually right here on headgum. The F stands for fun.

But Santa Barbara isn't just home to the rich and famous. It also includes a large student population due to UCSB and a vibrant working class who filled jobs in the service and tourism industries. And so the food scene serves both the high and low end, including a beloved local hamburger stand that grew into a 300 location strong international chain. Founded in 1969 by a not officially identified Santa Barbaraan, some sources point to a man named Donald Campbell. In 1980, the very identified Reichard brothers Ray crock the chain away from its originator, and Odership subsequently was passed around like a shared basket of onion rings before it landed within the holdings of its current corporate steward,

the Titan of fast food, Yum Brands. So in a crowded burger space, not just in sunny SoCal, but in America at large, can this Santa Barbara original match the star power of its glamorous residence? Are there burgers, fries, and tempore green beans? That's right. Habit forming or a habit that's easy to break. This week on Doe Boys, Habit, Burger, and Grill. Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Wiger along with my co-host, Honey Baked Hamnet, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Oscar nominee Hamnet. Well, who maybe it's one at this point. We don't know. I'm still working on a mint. I should have finished a mint before we should. start the episode. You're working on a mint? I was still working on a mint. I was like, I was like, I was like, it was like, definitely, it was kind of like lodged in my cheek.

And then I was like, I started chewing on it to try to get rid of it, but it was like, just took too long. I'm fine now. Is there a thing about having a mint in your mouth when you suck somebody off? Isn't that a thing or no? I think they've talked about that like, yeah, for like, you, you have like an altoyed or something. And then you, you go down on somebody and it gives, it gives it some sort of numbing sensation or something. Well, I haven't done it, but I would assume I'd be scared that like some mint would go in my penis hole. Right. Because that doesn't seem like it would feel good at all. You don't want anything in there. No, never. I had.

Especially not like a tick-tack. It's funny that you turn to him to ask about. Well, I do the grossest podcast on a play. I saw you nodding along. So I was like, oh, maybe Brian's got a take on this. Does it like men make your dick feel like menthol? I think that's the idea, yeah. I think it's the same principle as ice.

They used to, like, in the, like, 90s, they'd be like, put some ice in your mouth, man. It's crazy. That seems like, yeah, it seems like it would work against the. Seems like it wouldn't work. It feels like, you're going to get shrinkage is what I'm saying. I don't know the science of it. Hey, dough boys and dough girls. Here's an Oscars roast.

But we know it's true. But we know it's true. Here's an Oscar roast in time for Hollywood's biggest night. Napa boys got robbed, Chris from Seattle. This will be out after the Oscars, but sent in just before. Rosed at Bird Farm. Napa Boys, I think, could only be nominated for this next year. It would have, yeah.

I mean, this is the Oscars. There's a trail. It's one year behind. But hey, maybe. I agree. Napo boys got robbed. Wags, today would be the day of our Munch Madness finale. Yes, Mitch, as we mentioned, the Munch Madness finale, which should be out today, has been postponed indefinitely due to Commissioner Susser being kidnapped by the elusive Dodeak.

The Dodec has said he will not release Susser until his account is unbanned from the Dosecord. And so far, we have not gotten a reply from our mods, fish and Drop King. But we're not going to negotiate. with terrorists and we stay again to the Dodiac. We want Susser back safe. Dead or alive. Bring them back. Bring him back. Bring him back. This means the tournament finale will happen sometime

in April. We still don't have a date yet. It can be dead. It's fine. Just bring them back. Just bring them back. We just want him back. I was so nervous about Susser. I threw my hat out of the car window today. That's why I'm not wearing my Celtics. Wow. Yeah, you're hatless. So rarely hatless. Rarily hatless. Rarely hairless, but my concern over Susser made me

throw my hat out the damn window. Matt, Mitch, this is a reversal where I am the one wearing the hat today. You're the hat guy today. I said Matt because I was thinking Mitch and hat. I kind of formed a portmanteau. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm the hat guy. I'm hatted.

You're kind of the dumb one today, too. It's calling me Matt. Duh, is my mouth, my butt. Also, in Doe News, we're about to go to Florida. That's right. We're going to be in Orlando on Wednesday, and we're going to be, Wednesday, April 1st, yes. And we're going to be in Tampa on Thursday, April 2nd. So that'll be a lot of fun.

Tickets at BirdFuck. I want to go to Tampa? You want to go to Tampa? The Bubba's a Love Sponge connection. Maybe we can get him to guest. Oh, yes. You probably, I could almost get it to you. Bitch, oh, wait.

Have we said that publicly? What, that I auditioned to play Bubba the Love Sponge? Yeah, you audition to play Bubba the Love Sponge in the Hulk Hogan movie. And the Hulk Hogan movie. Did you listen to a lot? Wait, what's that? Did you listen to a lot of his show? No, no.

I mean, I knew of him, of course. but I read with Samoa Joe Samoa Joe and I read together and Samoa Joe read the Hulk Hogan lines and I read it was it was called Killing Gocker and it's a movie that then they just canceled They just didn't do it Yeah I'm watching I I

Me and Chris my co-hosts are watching Bubba the Love Sponge's new documentary That it's very very obvious He saw it as a series on Netflix But they didn't buy it Yeah so it's It's two and a half hours long. Jesus Christ.

Like a lot of it is not about Hulk Hogan. We only got halfway through it the first try. We're going to finish it when I get home. Wow. It's not good. Yeah. I can't imagine it would be good. I mean, it was, I told you that Joe did such a great, he was doing like such a great Hogan across for me.

And my Bubba was just like so-so. But Ben Affleck was supposed to play Bubba in that. No, Hulk Hogan. I'm sorry. supposed to be Hulk Hogan in that movie. It was fun casting. Yeah. It would have been fun casting.

Yeah. It would have fun to get Mitch in there. Yeah, you know, whatever. And you went to all the trouble of getting into character by letting someone else fuck your wife. And still, you didn't get the role. They don't, yeah, Hollywood just doesn't give a shit about me. They don't fucking care about me. No, they don't.

They love you. You're the Napa boys. You're in the Napa boys. You know what, Hollywood needs, we need some sort of money ball. We need like a rethinking money ball. I was just saying this the other day because there's a premiere. I'm not going to say what it is

that I'm not invited to. They're just like, oh, we don't have any where you're not, you can't come. Right. To a thing you're in. You're like, what the fuck? You know what I mean? It's a thing you're in and it costs them nothing

to invite you, but they're still just like, no, we can't afford it. No, you can't go to it. You're like, yeah, I know. You're shocked over there at the dais, but that's the way it goes. I'm telling you. It's a bad industry. It's bad. It's house do I have to burn down. It's the, look, it's the headgum party.

Gosh, fuck. I wasn't invited there. It's the premiere of HeadGum Plus, the new streaming network. We got invited to HeadGum Minus. There's a live cam you can see inside the HeadGum Studios. It's just fucking nothing all day long. A time lapse of no work being done. That pencil's been in the same place for two weeks.

There's going to be, because they'll invite, like, they'll invite, like, social media people to these things. That's the thing. They'll invite influencers, but they won't have room for the cast or crew sometimes. And I'm like, influencers are not going to move the needle for your show. No, they also don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. No one who is like a fan of that influencer is going to watch this influencer at a premiere and then be like, I got to watch that show. It just doesn't work.

That's what I'm saying. Hollywood needs to think in money ball terms. They don't think that way. No, it's because it's so much easier to think like, if you're not thinking in money ball terms, you're just thinking in like, and what, you mean by that is not just like the surface level. stats like RBI. They have followers, the analytics.

Like the, you know, and so they're like, oh, follower count, that's like one of those old stats that like doesn't really actually mean anything.

You know what I mean? You dumb fucking idiots. Right. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? When we have great listeners who support stuff we do, you know what I mean?

It's true. We do. We love our listeners. We love, we love everyone out there. I'm going through it this year. This is your fucking sucks shit. It's so,

because I was just talking about this with a mutual friend, Mitch. We were just talking about how great you were in the Napa boys. and how you're like, like, everyone's like, oh, Mitch is doing so great. And I think just like from your own perspective, you're taking a few different things that have maybe happened, you know, in an unfair confluence of events coincidentally around the same time. And you're using that as some sort of self-evaluation when really what's going on with you is a lot bigger than that.

And I think you've been doing great. That's nice. People love you. People love you on TV. That's really sweet. Don't mean we get all emotional, you piece of shit. Do you have a mint on your dick? It wouldn't a hole.

I wouldn't be surprised. You've got a fucking hackman head down there. Eat that altoy? Eat that altoyed like a hungry, hungry hippo. Fucking Hollywood. I mean, whatever. It's fucking bad. I mean, our guest does it the right way where they have a podcast

and they don't have to think about the rest of this stupid fucking bullshit. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't say we do it the right one. It's a podcast without a YouTube and no ads. No, it's smart to circumvent all that bullshit because, you know, whatever, ads suck, except the ones we run for all the brands that we love. There are some good, hey, I'm wearing fabletics. I like Fabletics.

I do like the fabletics. Fabletics stuff is comfy. And they sent us a shitload. Yeah, they did. Well, they sent you a shitload. I fucked up because you were greedy little piggy. You mocked every box. I thought, okay, so the way the form was, so the way a lot of times these things are for,

hey, this brand wants to advertise, they're going to send you some stuff. First off, usually what you get sucks. It's usually like nothing. It's really insubstantial. But this is one of it's like. But we don't advertise with those people anymore. Yeah. Fabletics was like, was like, hey, here's a bunch of stuff and just pick some options in

case everything's not available. And I was looking at it. I was like, I can't really tell what any of this is. So I'll just cook everything because I don't, I don't care. Like, I don't care that, but I don't feel that strongly. They sent me everything. I got like two fucking refrigerator boxes worth of, of clothing. It's fucking insane.

It's like doubled my wardrobe. They sent forms again. You can try again. Yeah. I'm going to try. I'm going to do this. You know what? Fablakes, I'll take the other shit that he got that I, give me everything.

Give me every. I'm on the piggy. Feed me. fill up my fucking trough Please do Fill up my trough Give me something I feel like fucking shit

You're doing great Anyways Emma Let's hit him with a drop I guess We'll The dog boys aren't To go to go to Mumbai By by just to be clear We're down to go

We're down to go anywhere We'll hop hop We will happily show for Saudi Arabia We can't even do the Riyadh festival because our listeners get too mad. I know. Listeners are going to get mad if we do the Riyadh festival and then Hollywood won't let us,

you know, into their big club. So like, what are we doing? We're going to just on our own here. We want to go to Riyadh. Let us go to Riyadh. Hey,

Dofam, you know what? We got to start advertising that the Pete Holmes brain jizz or wherever the fuck is, uh, the Pete Holmes brain juice? I mean, talking about product that I've been using.

Yeah, like I'm wearing the fabletics. I'm drinking the Pete Holmes brain juice. How is the brain juice treating you the Pete Holmes? I mean, I feel like I've gained dozens of IQ points. I feel much smarter. I honestly sometimes feel as sharp as Pete Holmes himself. Oh my God.

Which I'm just like, man, this is like when Bradley Cooper takes the limitless pill. I know what it's like to be to like being John Malkovich into Pete Holmes by virtue of taking his brain juice, which works. When I watched Limitless, I was like, is this about Pete Holmes? Right, right. I thought it was a Bid Holmes biopic. And I thought that the pill was like a stand in and was like, well, they can't use the Pete Holmes brain juice. because that's like two on the nose, so they'll make it into a pill.

Yeah. But we know it's the juice. It's the Pete Holmes brain juice. I call the brain jizz accidentally. Well, I mean, it's the same thing. Same different. I think it's got some jizz in it. It does have some jizz in it.

It does have some jizz of how it works. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard that like a long time ago, Albert Einstein was he like would nut into jars. Right. And then the founder of Pee Holmes brain juice. Einstein would like he like he would be so.

he would be so proud of himself when he got like the could crack the theory of relativity. Yes. That he's like, well, I got a nut. He'd nut into a jar and he kept all of them like Howard Hughes. That was like his quirk. So he just had a whole bunch of- And then Pete Holmes estate, like they came to own.

It was a weird, right. It was a weird thing where he's like a distant relative actually owned Albert Einstein's personal property as part of like a series of, you know, inheritances. And so then they were just like, hey man, golden opportunity. Let's market this as Pete Holmes brain juice. So it's mostly Einstein. Yeah, it is.

I actually thought it was like the kiss. Remember the Kiss comic book where they put a little blood in the ink and they were like, get some kiss blood. Each bottle has a little bit of Pete Holmes's comic. We did a version of that with the doughboys comic book. We put our gunk in the comic. We put our gunk in the comic. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah.

That's real. Yeah, it's real. It's real. Like Pete Holmes's brain juice. Sorry. We can edit out the entire opening. I put some, I'll just should tell everyone this is like a can of spin drift, but it's got brain juice in it. Let's see how you go for the remainder of the episode.

Hmm. A hypotenuse is the longest side of the right triangle. That shit works. Yeah, it just fucking works. It's the smart as fuck. Too bad we could, too bad the, I don't know. I was Hold on a second

I have something I was gonna say like I was trying to think of a good I was trying to think of like too bad there wasn't a funny guy who nutted into jars that we could drink that yeah sure

and drink comedy juice because we're unfunny yeah but every guy I was like the first thing that came in my head was Woody Allen I thought Joe Rogan I mean like yeah

like there's no like a what comedy what comedy guy can you say now that's like uh that everyone I don't know. Martin Short.

There we go. People like Martin Short. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Yeah. All right, there we go. Go back in time.

He's probably problematic. You don't like him? I dislike him. Was he a bad guy? I don't know. He might have been a bad guy. I mean, it's one of those things you look back at he's like he probably like dated a 14 year old at some point. So you know, whatever.

Or he said racial stories. Probably. Yeah. Oh, sure. Exactly. Yeah. Were either of those against the law at that time? They were not, Mitch.

Well, I follow the law. Amelia, I'm looking at your sweatshirt I'm fixing it on because the pattern reminds me of something. It's like a green and blue stripy that I like is that like Nesses from like It's like a rugby shirt kind of. Yeah, it's an LLBN. Yeah, I don't know.

Rugby polo. Rugby polo, that's what I think it is. It specifically feels like it's a visual reference of something that's in like media. Like I've seen it in a TV show or a video game or something like that. I was thinking of Ness from Earthbound for whatever reason. I don't think it's exactly that, but it's just like... It reminds me of something from the 90s, and I don't know...

Yeah, what is that? What are you wearing? It reminds me of Charlotte Hornet colors. Oh, it kind of... It is the heart of Charlotte Hornet's color way. Does it look like headgum? No, it doesn't look like headgum. No.

Ness's shirt is striped, but it's blue and yellow. Okay, okay. So it's not that. But it's that kind of thing. We don't even dislike Pete Holmes, because now everyone's going to say the doughboys hate Pete Holmes or something. I don't even fuck. I don't care. I hate him.

Everybody say I hate. I hate them. I fucking hate him. I fucking hate him. Hey, Dofam. I was listening to an episode from last year when I heard a topical reference to the Riyadh comedy festival and had to throw this together. A long time listener, first time dropper credit for huge assistance to producer Cell Uno. Thanks for the decade.

The decade of laughs. Wow. Love you guys. The Deus and Gemi, of course. Zero. Zero. Sorry. Zero.

Thank you, Ciro. Thank you, Ciro. Sorry, I'd have another sip real quick. I'm feeling parched. I wonder if we'll talk about like a... What do you say? I forgot the thing you said already. Prokofiev is most known for composing Peter and the Wolf,

but I actually prefer the Lieutenant Keej suite. Stuff fucking works. That's fucking good stuff. I don't even know what you said. Yeah, I don't even know what any of that stupid shit is. I don't know. Thank the juice. I would like it if there was like a...

There's probably some snob. that's like, that's, oh, he's so wrong. Peter and the wolf is tops. Drops at birdbuck.com. What's the other, because I know, do do do, do, I mean, the, that's Peter and the wolf, but what's it, what's the other one? Yeah, that's, what's the other one? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dha-dha-dha-dha-dha.

The brainji is really fucking wrong. There's a bit of bo-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. This is some real oboe bullshit coming back, right? Is that a bassoon? Fuck, I always got that wrong. Yeah, that's right. But a bassoon is just a bass oboe, so. This is some bassoon recall, I guess.

Mitch, this is a wellspring of knowledge coming out of nowhere except for my digestive tract processing the Pete Holmes brain juice. what was the other fun fact you said I don't remember oh is the hypotenuse is the longest side of a right hypotenuse got it got it is that right

yeah it's the longest side it's also the side opposite the right triangle okay thank you thank you the bridge is wearing off take another sip let's see what happens let's see if you can say a third smart thing in a row you fucking idiot

hmm the capital of Canada is Ottawa His brain's going to start melting out of his ears Shit, you're a fucking genius Mitch thrilled to have our guest back Who's in town again And he hosts the podcast

Guys, a podcast about guys, Murder Brian Brian, Brian Quinnby. Hi, Brian. Hi. Thanks so much for being here, Brian. You're in L.A. briefly, you're so kind enough to make time for us So you're here on a sad day.

It should be the much madness finale, but everything fell apart. No, everything fell apart. This episode is coming out instead, and I think people will be happy to have it in the feed. Well, that'll be nice. Yeah. Yeah. They won't get mad at me. No, one's going to get mad at you.

Okay. Oh, no, no, no, yeah. They might get mad at you. I don't look anything up, so I won't know. They might get mad at us. I mean, there's possibly they're mad at us of like, where is the finale? Right. You know, where's Pete Holmes?

Where's Pete, we have, stop being mean to Pete Holmes. We're not being mean to him. We're supporting his brain juice. Sporting his brain juice. Where Susser, what the fuck's happening with Susser? Why did you make up this thing that he got kidnapped? Which he didn't make it up. We didn't make it up.

The Dodec did it. The Dodecannap him. What have you gotten up to? You're in L.A. for a bit. What have you gotten up to? Conover just walked in and he just eyeing your brain juice. He has hair juice. Adam Conover's a hair tonic.

You know, it's mostly head all the way up. It's just like his brain is just that big. He's like brainia? Yeah, yeah. Conover's like, if you shaved his head, he has like a big brainiac head? Right, right. It's just basically like a little tight little flat top. Wow.

He combs as bangs down, so it looks like a big buffoon. So it's not high hair at all. No, no, no, it's high head. Yes. Brian, you're in town for a stretch. What have you gotten up to food-wise since you've been in L.A.? I've eaten four cheeseburgers and four days, which is psycho. And donuts.

Lots of fucking donuts. Which, where'd you get in donuts? Mr. Donut man? Okay, yeah, yeah. In the Grand Central... Right. They're good. Those are great donuts.

It's all the guy get beat up there, though. What happened? It was crazy. Was it Mr. Donut man himself or? No, he beat somebody up. Neerlil and killed him.

I don't know what standing in the line. Two guys were talking and one of them just started punching the other guy. At Grand Central Market. Yeah, it was crazy. And then he kept saying, do you know who I am? And everybody's like, no. Like, you're just a random guy at the... Mr. Donuteman.

I'm in the Mongols. And he was like, oh, whatever. Never. Like, no one cares. Maybe, I mean, maybe he is in a biker gang, but also he could just be lying. And also, who cares if he's in a biker gang? They ride their little bikes around and meet their club houses. Right.

We should ask. The stupidest thing. I'm only like the Pillion bikers. All the other bikers can take a hike. I'm just kidding. I got nothing that's buy up your bikers. We love bikers. You got scared.

I hate them. I did get scared. Holy shit. Outside the studio right out, it's Pete Holmes with a bunch of bikers. The Hells Angels and the Valkyries or whatever. I was going to let you be my pillion, Wiger. Money more. Eating a lot of burgers and I went shopping today.

Fun. Because I have to get clothes. You got to get clothes on vacation. Well, especially here because, you know, the clothes shopping where I'm from is not that good. You're in Columbus, Ohio. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's one store I like.

What's the store? It's called Soul Classics. They have one out here now. Okay. You're looking for. clothes. I bought this shirt there. Art school dropout. I like it. I think it's like a company. I don't even know what the company is. I just bought it because

I had buy one, get one free shirts one day. And my wife wanted a shirt. And I was like, well, shit, I'll get the free shirt. I'm such a, I'm such a fucking sucker for, for buy one get one. Like, I'm such like a bogo guy of like this happened out. Like, this was the other night. I know, we're ordering food. And there was like a fucking, I wanted the bean and cheese burrito, but the bean cheese and rice burrito was buy one getting free. It's like, I got you get two burritos. They spend like an extra dollar to get rice instead.

Where was this at? This Mexican place by us. Okay. Yeah. I like turn down the free one all the time. Yeah? Like just because when I worked at, I worked at Kroger and buy one get one free really just meant 50% off.

But they fixed that now where it's like, no, it just means you'd get an extra one for free. But I don't like to have a whole bunch of extra stuff. You're saying you would like, if you scanned it, if you scanned it, if you scanned one, you'd get it for half price. Yeah. When I work there, and now it's changed somehow, which I find unfair because I don't need, like, I don't need 200 melatonin. Well, I kind of do. I just, I just was, my doctor told me to stop taking melatonin because it can enlarge your heart. Wow.

Really? Soaking four cheeseburgers. My issue is melatonin, because I've had a lot of insomnia, is that you develop a tolerance for it. and all of a sudden you're not like cute little jemmy taking a nap right there getting some shut-eye like a little angel she is you can't get to sleep at all you know it's just like it's one of those things that like anything you do to help yourself sleep ultimately your body adjust to and so the only thing you can do is just fall to sleep naturally which fucking sucks what about that thing what is that the one that everyone takes the pill that everyone takes the pill that everyone takes it was it. I take that too. I take like nine pills every night just because it's like yeah some supplements

but then also my doctor. Actually, my doctor just, she prescribed me something and I saw it causes memory loss. I was like, I'm always fucking forgetting stuff. And she was like, well, it's not that thing. It's not that pill's fault. And I'm like, actually, I think it might be. She was like, fine. I said, I want to wean off of it.

And she said, fine, I guess you can try it. I'm just going to keep prescribing you the same amount. I'm like, okay. What are fucking willpower? You got to chase it with a brain juice. Yeah. Was that a buy one, get one or no? I had a, like, I think my pill count, my daily pill count is now, it's like six.

Like if I'm just thinking through all the medications I'm taking. Mitch, you got a hefty number of medications as apples. They're all right in here. Where do they go? Oh, here they are in here. How many of the six are suppositories for you? I mean, they're all going up my ass. Oh, I think I recognize them.

No, never mind. I don't. Okay. I took, earlier I took an adderol, I took the blue, that little blue pill to adderol. Yeah. And then I took one that's like a combination of like my dick not working, my hair falling out. And now this one is folic acid. I'll take this one on.

I'll do this right now on air. What does folic acid do exactly? Fucked up. My follic acid or folic acid, is it folic? I said folic and my mom corrected me to folic. I've heard folic, but it might, but I'm just thinking maybe I'm just thinking of follic. And then someone corrected me again to folic. So I had no idea.

Maybe regional. Yeah, who knows? Linguistics is a script. She got mad at me when I said Scallops instead of Scallops. She got pissed because in New England. That's different. They say scolops.

I call this pop. Yeah, yeah. I'm a pop guy. We're soda in the in the Northeast is what it would. Yeah, soda. A bunch of guys I grew up with started, not grew up with because those guys are all psychos, but a bunch of people from where I grew up that I hang out with now are like, we say soda.

We don't say pop. And I'm like, that's sellouts. It is just I like pop. Becoming a monoculture. That's pretty sad. Yeah. My friends would have punched me in the head if I said so.

Or hypotenuse. Yeah, what the fuck was it? He should still be punched in the head for that one. I one time said, apparently, and my friend was like, if you fucking say that big word again, I'm going to smash your head.

Like, he was so mad. And I said, apparently. And then another time I said, oh, we learned, and I don't know why I said this because I'm positive. I didn't learn it the right way. But I was like, we learned this thing in history and they're like, just shut the fuck up right now. And like, you just weren't allowed to be smart. Yeah, sure.

Right. My crew. Oh, yeah. I get. I get that. Yeah. There's, I definitely, there's some crossover. A lot of my buddies are smart guys, but like in school and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah. You would get, you get, you get, you get, you get shit for that. I goes, what are you? This girl used to read a book at lunch. which is fine. We didn't have phones back then. That's like a normal thing. And they called her book girl.

Everybody called her book girl. I don't even know a real name to this day. I know she's book girl. Minding her own business, enjoying her free time, being mocked relentlessly by fucking kids who haven't developed empathy yet. No. Well. Some of them never will.

Yeah. I think a lot of those guys, like my, my buddies, I don't think have any of them, have learned empathy yet. I haven't talked to any of them very long time. Right. You would tell smart kids like go drink Einstein come and now we're now we promote it in a way. Exactly. Now the kids like being smart. It's fucking stupid. They do. They really

do. The other pills in here are um, this is neutral which is for hair growth as well. There's four of them and I just like taking four big pills like this which also, oh these are also suppositories. Yeah, taking four of them like this

in a row is just like a fucking it's just too much. That's a lot. Make them like one really long one and you can just slide it down there. That's what I'm saying. Why not? You're folding hot dog. And then, yeah, put it in a bun.

Why not? And then this is Nato, Nato canase. This is someone who also had Blancobe said you should take Nato every day. But Nato, I guess, is, do you know of this shit? Is that the fermented stinky tofu? Wise, you got it. That is what it. I just drink the pan juice.

That is what it is. It's the fermented soy beans, right? Like it is stinky and it's weird. But like if you can take it in pill form, but also I guess it has a lot of benefits. It's kind of almost like taking fish oil, I guess, in many ways. I don't know. You're like a supplements guy. You're not really a pills guy.

I mean, I do like the folic or folic acid was like my number was low. Like you have to take folic acid. The doctor was like you should take folic acid. So that was one that I started. But I guess it is just a supplement. and then Adderall is the only other one. But I was taking other pills too for a while. I'm like a 90% supplements, none of them were.

I don't think a single one of them were. No, I know. Expensive piss is what an immunologist told me at one point. Yeah. One thing I will say is I like, because I, like, you know, I was taken for a long time, I was taking the fiber you fucking mix up in water, you know, and drink is so fast. Yeah, yeah.

And so I gave me a few of those packets, remember? Yeah. And they were, especially when we're eating doughboy, like, doughboys days. It's like we're eating such heavy, like, dense food with the minimum of dietary fiber, having anything that's like to counteract that is helpful. But then I did some research and the pills are just as effective, like the supplement for it. So now I'm just taking the fiber pills.

It's way easier. Yeah. I clogged the toilet at the hotel this morning. Did you run out the door? Yeah. It's been a rough, rough eating. I love that. You just ran out.

You just. I did. I like, I clogged it. But it wasn't like gross clogged. There wasn't any poop in it. It was toilet paper. Yeah. And I was just like, and there's only one bathroom.

So it was right in front of the lobby. Oh, shit. It was the lobby bathroom. Yeah, I don't crap. I don't crap in my hotel room ever. Really? It's just, now you're not supposed to do that. That's like a safe haven to do it though.

I get what you're saying. No, I do like, if I'm sharing a hotel room, I will definitely not crap in there. I will crap in the lobby. I actually like crap in the lobby. Even with your significant other, your lovely wife, you would not use them. I mean, like, depending on, like, like, you were, Emma, those rooms we had in New York were like so, like had no privacy at all. Yeah, exactly.

It was. It was. So sometimes there will be something like that and it's just like, I, like, whatever, we're both going to just respect this shared space and go like fucking blow it out somewhere else. Yeah, I like that. You can observe your partner like at the zoo. That is what it felt like. It is. I mean, also hotel lobby bathrooms very nice a lot of the time. Yeah.

So nice. But I'll say this, a lot of the room, I mean, if you have a nice, I was just in New York Wags. And it was, you know what? It was, I mean, it was too, I was there too long. I was having New York envy, though. Like, you, y'all on the blank check of a blank dough thread, y'all were just talking about places to go to eat. I was like, fuck. I did an episode of, I did an episode of, I mean, now you are just like, if you go to New York, we're, I'm like, a couple days would be podcasting.

I did blank check and I did Stavros's podcast. But then, so, like, you've got to do that shit already. But that's great. Those are good shows. Yeah, it's good. It's good. I know, I agree. I like both.

I was honored to be on both of them. I like doing them. But then you're like, oh, it is. In New York, I got to do like more work. It's almost like being here a little bit. You're going to do some work. That's like your week. You're like, you're doing like four podcasts.

Yeah, yeah. I've done three so far and I'm doing one on Sunday. I'm sorry, it sucks. I like it. Oh, you do? I don't do any podcast in person ever at home, you know, because I'm going to try to get Jim Brewer to cross the street when he comes and before. I live right across from the venue.

menu. So maybe I can get Brewer to come over and talk to me about chem trails or something. That'd be good app. I'm going to see. I'm actually going to go see him. And I think Chris wants me to buy the VIP pass so I can get a picture with him because we talk about them all the time. Right. Right. There's two guys we talk about constantly.

It's him and Lars from Metallica. Lars Moore. I mean, Brewer's gone. He's gone. He's out of his mind. I'll tell you the weirdest thing about him. One week we're watching them, and there's always people laughing when he's doing his show. He like holds his mic like he's doing stand up, and it's like he's in a basement.

We found out it's like a studio like this, but it's like he's in a basement and he's talking. You hear this laughing. I was like, who are the people laughing? It's got to be like as producers. Finally, we're watching his show one day. They pan over to the people, the producers. They're like all 15 to 17-year-old boys. Oh, my God.

And it's the weirdest. We call him the brew boys. And it's like, the weirdest thing. I don't know how it happened. He never has explained it. We have no idea, but they are insanely young. That's like, what did he find? I think my thought is he was like, these young people, you know, they know how to work all

this computer stuff. Yeah, is it possible like they're like his kids and their friends or something like that? Unfortunately, he has two daughters. So our theory is that the daughter's boyfriend. They're trying to get the brewer of fortune. I mean, could. We're never turned our cameras around to show our B-Boys. We have a, we have a, the dough boys have brew boys.

His show is so funny to me because it's called the Bruniverse. All right. And like, I was talking to my wife in Florida about Jim Brewer because it's all I ever fucking talk about. And we were like driving and she was like, what's his show called? Like brew ha-ha. And I was like, no, that makes sense. It's literally called the Bruniverse. It doesn't have a word.

Yeah. There's like 80 different ways to say it better. But yeah, he's on to chem trails lately. and like it's a bummer because I like I didn't think that Brewer was I mean I liked him in half baked but he did the thing that was going about Brewer was that he seemed like a likable guy

he seemed apolitical and I always heard he was nice back in the way that's I heard he was nice too that's why like that's why I was like oh he seemed like a likable guy and then he's got his brain broken by online I feel like a lot of people it's the same thing like Joe Rogan it's the same exact thing it was like he just got crazy during that time

and like I will say I don't think he's conservative like he doesn't like Trump but he's one of those guys that doesn't like it's like no matter what you say is like that shit's all fake you know we're gonna worry about these chem trails now and he's almost closer to what I wish

the world was more was like dumb or weirdo guys not caring about politics at all which is like better than now guys who like are like I like politics and you're a fucking idiot you never cared about this ever in your life and he seems like that guy who it's like I mean

he obviously is on the bad side of stuff. He's going crazy on politics. He actually, every day for a while, he would get up and he would go outside and he'd film this guy and be like, Ron DeSantis, you need to do something about this. They're spraying every day. And he was like looking at the Kim Trails. And this guy's like Naples, Florida. They're spraying every day.

Ron DeSantis, I will not vote for you unless you fix these. And it's like, I don't think you have anybody to vote for them because, I mean, chemtrails is a 2010. conspiracy. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Before chem trails wasn't a thing when I was doing street bite. In 2011, I started that show.

It was already chem trails were passed. We had moved on to flat earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so like, it's like, I can't believe he's. And their other funniest video he did was called exposing cash cab and saying it's fake. I was like, and the first thing he says to the brew boys is, have you guys ever seen cash cab? And they're like, no. No, we're 15.

She was on like 1994. We're watching Mr. Beast. Yeah. It's funny. They did say they watched Kiltone. Oh, sure. They're the right demographic.

Brewer went on Kiltoni and bombed. It was so funny. We watched the whole thing. He only talked like three times. And one of the times was him being like, feeling bad for making fun of a guy, which I think is a really funny thing to go on like, Kill Tony and not know what the job was.

I'm going to be in Austin Why should I go by the mothership? Yeah, why not? I'll take a picture in front of the mothership at least. Put your name in the bucket or whatever is. The hat? What is it? How do you get up there?

I don't, uh, yeah. Chris is the one that why. I don't know. I've never seen it. Eva said she's trying to go to the mothership. She's in Eva Anderson. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Exactly the kind of shit she would do. Actually, I'm going to text her right now and ask her. She said her husband's not super into the idea. Yeah. he's a smart man yeah her husband was game enough to go with us to pirate dinner adventure and I think that was about his limit for like ironic consumption

yeah he was like what the fuck is this shit I mean that's the thing with me trying to go to see Metallica at the sphere is like I'm not there because I think Metallic I'm there because I think they're gonna suck right well so I saw Metallica my alpha brother Nate and I went to see Metallica when I was like

12 years old and I thought and they actually put on a great shit this was like this was like the black album was load wasn't even out yet. You know, it's like, it was like that era of Metallica. So, and they were playing a lot of like master of puppets and ride the lightning, a lot of their best shit. And I thought it was like a fucking awesome show. They were just like locked in, even though Lars can be kind of sloppy or whatever.

It's a drummer sometimes. There's some, there's some great musician in that band. And they were right. They were right about Napster. I agree. I hate that I'm, I hate that I agree with Lars on anything in the world. Although he went on club random and there was two very funny parts. One part was when Bill Maher said, how tall are you?

That's the first thing he asked him. And like, if you've ever looked at Club Random, the guest chair sometimes, if it's a short guy, I'll have a bunch of extra pillows on it. So they're like sitting up high so they don't look short. Bill Maher and he just gets drunk. And at one time he was like, you know, you know how you look out at the crowd at a Metallica show and everybody's like 50? And he's like, no, that's not the case. because like people from all generations like Metallica,

that's a, that's a Bill Maher problem. Right, right. Yeah. Yes, 100%. Is that, wait, so, but you were saying like, we were talking about before.

And also 50 is being nice to the Bill Mara. Yeah, for sure. They're not fucking 50. We were talking before the record, though, it's like, you know, what? Metallica, like, like, I guess their current show is a little bit different than what it used to be. I saw him last year.

and listen, they played a lot of songs from 72 seasons, their new album, which I don't like. Right. They played a lot of songs from Death Magnetic, which, come on. Like, nobody there, but the problem is they do two nights, no repeat, two night Metallica shows. And so each night has a bad playlist. You know what I mean?

Right. Because it's like we have to play like an hour and a half or two hours. And they take, like, James Hepfield and Lars take a lot of breaks. And they'll play commercials for, you know about their whiskey, right? Yes, right. Metallica, blackened whiskey where they play Metallica. They put speakers up against the barrels and play Metallica to imbue the whiskey with the essence of Metallica.

Oh, my God. I mean, that's just good business. You got to fucking do that shit. The dough boys whiskey. Whiskey barrels committed suicide. And then cigars. They sell cigars too. Oh, right, right, right.

And it just, I, I think that, like, you should, there shouldn't be commercials at concerts. That's like just a thing. I 100% agree. That's insane. And also, there was. commercials at a concert is, that is, that, that's fucking wild. It's crazy. I mean, I guess they are older guys and maybe they need a break or whatever, but.

But show like a documentary video or something like that, you know, like a behind the scenes clip. Show them something interesting. Hey, here's a little, here's a little thing of us like making Death Mag. We got some fucking, you know, studio footage. Here's us playing sane anger. Right, right, yeah. From some kind of monster is like my favorite movie. Oh my God, I love that, Doc.

I've never seen some kind of monster. It's so good, Mitch. You'd love it. It's the greatest thing you'll ever see. Do they all look bad in it, basically? Oh, not Kirk Hammett. Yeah, Kirk Hammett looks good. And I think also a Jason Neustead who leaves the band early on like looks good.

He looks. I think he looks good. And also Dave Mustain, who I met once. was very nice, like seems the most human he's ever seemed in that dock. Like, Christ.

How sad he was. Oh, yeah. I like, I feel like I like him. But maybe I think he's also a chemtrails guy. Do you remember? Like, you might not remember when he got into a real public fight with men's warehouse.

Oh, yeah. Dave was. No, because I remember I did a, that was what I shot. I was working a fun of your die at the time. That was the kind of thing.

We were like, hey, we're going to do this. how we do this men's warehouse thing with Dave Mustaine now? Because this is in the zeitgeist. And like we shot like a fake commercial with him and Kenny G. Yeah. And it was fun because my buddy Brandon Ward, shout out to Brandon, who listens to the podcast.

I got to come to set and like hang out with Dave Mustain a little bit. So it was like, you know. Those old metal. That step happens. Those old like top tier metal guys are the funniest guys because they're all like getting plastic surgery now. Like they're getting like Lars has the teeth. Well, because they also, they got so rich. I can't wait until we have fucking big chomper's on the other.

I know, I know. Big Lars teeth. Yeah. But they got super fucking rich, and so they stopped being like metal guys because that's like antithetical to like that the heavy metal lifestyle, you know. This is the thing I was saying in Boston were like shaved head guys. Just like, fuck the police. And now they are back the blue guys.

They're like, what the hell happened? The shaved head guys, they changed so much in 20 years or whatever. Yeah. All the guys you grew up with that were like, like. well, I grew up with a bunch of criminals and now they're all like law and order guys. Yeah, like, what the fuck is right? I one time when I was still on Facebook, I got into an argument with this guy where we were threatening to fight like me and fight. And it was a guy I went to high school with that was after a police shooting.

And he's like saying, oh, I got to do this. And I'm like, you're a fucking drug dealer. And he got real mad at me because I called him a drug dealer in his comments and his mom. solve it. But I'm like, but you are a fucking drug dealer. I buy drugs off of you. Very nasty moment. But it was just like, that was, I have a friend, Nick has heard of him. His name is Porn-O-Shahn. Yeah, I know Porn-O-Shahn. I don't know Pornisham. I know a Porn-O-Shahn. But Porn-O-Shan, his Porn-Shawn, because he was trying to open a porno store. He was buying porno all the time and said, what are you doing? He was like, I'm going to open a

porno store someday, which is the wrong way to start a porno store. Yeah, you don't want to be buying porno retail and then reselling it. It's not really going to be profitable. Yeah, but he was recently in the newspaper a couple years ago because the high school football coach wouldn't let

his son run out with a thin blue line flag. And this guy did so much crime growing up. Right. Crazy. And I'm like, what happened to you people? That was like a cause celeb for like the fucking worst people on Earth. I know, but we'll carry out, it's an American flag.

We can't carry it out of you. So stupid. Life rocks. Porno, Sean. Yeah, he's the best. God bless. He is, I hope he's doing good, you know. Yeah.

Doubt he is. He's a drag race. Does he never, did you, do you, is he, is he have a family? Is he married or? I think, were you invited to the, did you get a wedding invitation of pornosha? I did. I wish I got a, no, I, I stopped, I stopped hanging out with them when. my daughter was born.

I was like, I can't be hanging out with these guys anymore. And how was your daughter? 21 now? Like, some 20 years ago? Yeah, she's 21. And I actually, it's so funny. Like, you got, you legitimately moved away from home. You moved to Los Angeles.

I did, yeah. I moved 15 minutes from where I grew up and all my friends were like, fuck that. I'm not driving all the way there. So I just, all I had to do was move 15 minutes away. And I was like, they're all. gone. I like got away from them. Like, I'm a witness protection. It's kind of what you did.

You're, oh, you're 30 minutes away, right? Yeah, it's a little bit more of a hall. Yeah. I mean, but like also it's L.A. It's a little bit more sprawling to begin with. Sure, yeah. I have to go a little bathroom, but also I'm getting texts from a... He's a doctor. Oh, Jesus Christ. Why don't we pause? Yeah. Why don't we pause? And we'll, we'll continue in one second. Hey, buddy, you know when you want something warm, cozy and comforting after a long

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live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Your emotional well-being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash doughboys. That's better H-E-L-P.com slash doeboys. All right, we're back with Brian Quinn. and be Brian, we are talking Habit, Burger, and Grill. I'm curious because Habit is from Southern California. It was established in Santa Barbara. But where you're from, Ohio and Columbus in particular, is the home of a lot of chains. Like Columbus is home to both Wendy's and Buffalo Wild Wings.

And Ohio in general is also home to... What the fuck's happening to Wendy's? Wendy's has fallen off. It's the worst play. I remember one of the first times I ever talked to you, Nick. was about how Burger King's falling off. And it's like, oh, no, Wendy's is the Fallen Off Company. It is. And then I also

remember you had to kind of come back. You had to take BK is back, which I just stole. I was like, yeah, BK. is back. You stole that? I told that before. I've shouted Browning out when I talked about it. You don't have to give me a good shit. I like Wopards. Check the archives. Check the

Doe Boys archives. I will say like, as Bernard Ryan said, B.K. is back. It's back. Tiger Mancia. How dare. or Carlos Mensia steal from Louis C.K.? Who do you steal from? All the guys I was like so angry. I was like, I remember back then being like, yeah, what the fuck?

You stole from Lou? It was like, it was like Joe Rogan sticking up for Louis CK is like what it was, I think, back of the day. I think what it was. If I remember correctly, it's that Carlos Monsia would take people on tour with them and then steal their joke. Oh, sure, right. And like, he, it is. Actually, honestly, maybe he would say, He's, maybe he comes out looking pretty good, honestly.

And he was saying, that's just how things are done. I love that old comedy thing of like, that's just how things are done. Very good. He is speaking of, I wonder what like Rob Schneider thinks of, uh, of Jim Brewer. Like I wonder. Rob Schneider, the, the proprietor of tears of left whiskey. Do you think that he thinks brewer is crazy? Like, I wonder what level of, of, of, of that sort of thing.

But, but, but Monsea is. also a guy who I feel like is kind of like a sad. He's like a sad sack now. And like look at his social media or whatever. It's just like, oh, this guy has not much going on. It's one of those things that you did back in the past where you could tweet come and get like more likes on social media. Oh, yeah. Then like Carl Smith's like typing in jokes and then no one was like his like his like his fan base just disappeared.

I feel bad for him almost. I think he maybe is a crazy guy in some ways. But I like almost should we have him on the podcast? Yeah, you sure. I'd be interested to talk to MNCA. So did I. What's going on with him? Get into the mind.

Let's get into the MNCA. I want to see what he eats. Hopefully that's like, hopefully that said him for life because, yeah. I watch a lot. I follow a lot of guys on the down. So that's like mostly all the guys I follow on the stream and stuff like that. Dan Cook also kind of. Opie and Anthony,

a lot of the shock jocks you talk about, I feel like, are like, you know. Opie, the guy with 100,000, uh, YouTube users in every video gets 70 views. That guy, he records his podcast in a bar with random guys. It was like a guy he met that was a waiter. And then another guy who I think wants to be a furry, I'm like fairly certain because we've heard him tell like five jokes in his stand up and all of them were like, I wish I was a squirrel. So I, you know, every time he said he wants to be an animal, it's like, I think, hey, brother.

I think you want to fuck animals. Yeah, go ahead. Just embrace your fursona. Yeah. Which I have no problem. But yeah, the Bubba. Bubba is clearly on the very, and the grease man. You couldn't get lower than him.

Yeah. I'm not a fan of the grease man who I only know through your podcast. Well, I think the sad thing about the grease man mostly is that I think I account for a lot of his cameo income. Because every time we go to Cameo and watch his cameos, they're like, Brian, like our listeners, get cameos from. Brian, can you give Mitch and our listeners some context for who the Greasman is? He was a podcast, one of the original podcasters in, like, 89, like he was a, he was a radio host that did, like, noises.

It's very hard to explain, but he would say stuff like water doodle and, yeah, bone dry and stuff A lot of like gibberish catchphrase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, it was bad. Yeah. If you heard it, you'd be like, this is the worst thing I've ever heard. Yeah, yeah. You can't even imagine somebody listening to it and laughing at it.

But then he said two of the most racist things anybody's ever said on the radio. And he got kicked off once. They said, you can come back. He came back and he said something even more racist. the second time they kicked him off. He hasn't been doing well since. He's the guy. So in the 2000s, when shock jocks were like huge.

Yeah. Greasman was the loser guy that would go on CNN. Yes. When one of them got in trouble. And defend them. Yeah. Which is such a funny, like, beat. Yes, right.

Opie and Anthony were in Worcester. They were on WAAF for a long time. And so they had whip him out Wednesday, which was when women would show their boobs when it was on Wednesday. Bring it back. Bring it back. You want to hear something? One of the saddest things in the world is when I first started doing covering the shock jocks, a guy messaged me and was like, I really hate Opie and Anthony because my mom was a super fan and she would wow people on the street, which means she would pull her shirt up on Wednesday when she's. saw the bumper sticker because that was like this is what wow was that's what that was insane what

a world young people don't know what's going on back there it was fucking crazy it was insane it truly is though if you watch any if like if you go back and listen to any of that stuff from and it's like 2008 and you're like well we're still doing that in 2000 they famously got kicked out of they got fired at at a af i believe because they called up uh mayor menino's wife Thomas menino's wife and did the classic bit of a joke of telling his wife that he was dead. Yeah. And then they were like,

the people like, you can't fucking do that. And they, they are always like, I don't even know why we got fired because it was so obvious. It was a joke. It's like,

you can't fucking call someone and tell them that that's insane. The kind of person who's like, like partner would be like killed an assassination or something like that. That's fucking crazy. This happens in like, I think 98.

And then they go to New York. The New York, they got paid more. Yeah. And they got. kicked off because they had a couple of anal sex in a fucking church. In St. Patrick's Cathedral, not like a

which that one was funnier to me. That one was kind of funny that they had people fucking like the confessional boots, right? Yeah, yeah. And you can hear the security guy saying, you can't do that here. And it's like, no shit. I can't believe

when they got fired, I couldn't even at the time was like the radio station lets you do a contest where you sent couples out to have sex in different public places in New York for points so that they can win a trip to the Sam Adams Brewery. Like that is crazy. That was happening in 2002.

And then Anthony became like one of the biggest racist pieces of shit in the world. We were talking about. Obama got collected. Obama got elected. I don't know why it's like collected. I don't think that's anything bad. Obama got elected. He just got so.

got so racist immediately that it was like it was one of those guys are still weirdly loyal to like like a lot of guys who would get which was like brewer and and and uh and what's jim norton and and a lot of funny i like i like norton i don't just like norton i like norton but there's like a lot of like guys who are like still kind of loyal to both of those guys are like guys why are you still loyal to this piece of he's clearly i will say they're not loyal to opi like nobody wants to he's he's gotta be one of the least talented guys to make millions of dollars during comedy that I've ever heard in my life it shows hard like all those guys we pay all those guys we follow now that are like at the bottom or just like you like we watch this

Bubba the Love Sponge documentary right and he's like all these guys that were for me they could have been I gave them purpose and the very next scene is one of the one of of them standing in front of a fan while they dumped cow shit in the fan and it like covers them like and then another guy getting like kicked into nuts and then like it was just like you gave them purpose

you beat the crowd we're gonna up our shit we gotta do we gotta do more stunt stuff you think so yeah yeah you want to put cow shit in a fan and blow it at you no you got it unfortunately it would be you guys sorry dais yeah no shit it's the interns there was an

intern one time on opium Anthony that somebody took a crap and a hat and he put it on his head. Ah, Jesus. It's crazy. It's like... This is... Amelia would be a member of a whack pack if there... She is... Yeah, sure. The guy that puts... Her eyes turned to hearts when you said porno, Sean.

The guy that put his nuts in a jar with bees. That's the one I always think about is that guy. They did a thing where it's like, here's all these things you can do to your balls. The guy's like, I'll do it. He put his nuts in a thing with bees and they were like shaking it up and stuff and just stinging his nuts. And I was just like, this was not like on the rate.

This was on the like real radio. I do that before dates. We had this fuel TV show I worked on. I had my first like full time TV writing job. We had Steveo on once. And someone pitched a bit where Steveo kicks someone in the nuts. And Steve was like, I'll do it. But I want it to be the guy's idea for me to kick him in the nuts.

So there was. There was a PA who was like, all right, I'll go up there and ask Steveo to kick me in the nuts. That's kind of beautiful. Yeah, and then he did it. And then he was like, it hurt really bad. Yeah, no shit. It does that. It puts you down for like.

Yeah. Like, you get hit in the nuts. It puts you down for quite a long time, I think. Like, like at least 10 minutes. Oh, yeah. As an adult, I feel like it would really, it would really. It's awesome that it hasn't happened to me. I got hitting the nuts.

I was going to say I got hit in the ball so much as like a teen. As a kid. As always. Put it on them on the bike. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I never had an issue of sitting on it. But, like, at football practice, everyone would just be hitting me in the ball.

Like, they would hit everybody in the ball. Yeah, yeah. The ball tag thing or whatever. You'll see NBA players sometimes take a nut shot and they are just, like, laid out. It's horrible. It's rough stuff. Yeah. What's his name?

Put his finger up. What's his name's ass? You take with Josh Hart? Yeah, yeah. Josh Hart at this was back of the NBA Cup. Yeah, this is a while ago. Jalen Brinson. Those guys are having fun.

Just give a little concept. Checking the oil? That's what they used to know a guy that wrestled Like on the wrestling team in eighth grade And he was like I heard you guys stick your fingers up each other's asses And he was like yeah it's checking the oil Really helps you pin a guy Wiger knows this you maybe weren't here at this point

Emma knows it too but my sister's friends used to check my oil all the time They used to be like how's your oil and they'd stick their finger in my ass And a lot of times like these women that were I was like Was that Ryan taking off A little freak we should get them in here for a second Ryan or intern But like a lot of these So Ryan told me that

Someone one of our listeners Ryan the intern who came on our episode With Nick and Armin Back at the start of Munch Madness He's 20 And he loves Dough Boys But someone said Ryan said someone compared his entrance

Into the show To Jesse Plemons joining Breaking Bad In the last season Pretty good They're my sisters Like some of them who I was like She's pretty. Then be like, how's your oil and just stick their finger in my ass?

My wife does that to me sometimes, like as not in a sex way. Like, as in your walking, you know what I mean? That's fun. Yeah, that's a good time. You used to do credit card. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Me and my siblings would credit card each other's butts when you're going up the stairs. You go credit card, and you karate chop the crack.

Got it, God. I was going to ask you there's a physical card involved, but you're using your hand. I think people will do it. If you got a card, might as well. But, yeah, it was always the hand. That's fine. You ever seen the tip drill video by Nellie? They use a credit card and then the lady shakes her ass a little bit.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah, you should check it out. Yeah, I'll check it out. I'll give it a watch when I get home. My daughter's friend when she was growing up, her and her mom did a thing called bean dipping where they would just put their hand under their tit, like push it up. And my wife was like, do not ever fucking do that. Jesus Christ.

It was a little fun thing they were doing. I was at this ska punk show in a, high school. And is the thing I saw once and I never received any explanation for. But there was this band and I can't remember what the hell their name was. But the ska punk band, they went up there and they like they played their set. And they had, they weren't like the big, the most well-known band, but they certainly had a fandom in Orange County, California. It gets to the end of the set and the front man who I think is like both a tender sax player and a singer, maybe he was guitar, singer, I don't know. He played both an instrument and sang. It goes like, I need one. And

a bunch of like eager women volunteer and then a woman gets like climbs up on stage he picks her and he says let's go hiking and then he pulls up his shirt and then she just rubbed his hairy armpits like his hairy sweaty armpits for like a minute and the whole crowd cheered it was like what the fuck

is this? I think actually like every American that was born 1990 and earlier she'd just be killed is that too extreme that includes you yeah yeah all right Yeah, I'm including myself.

Yeah, right. Like, sure, some sort of generational, like, genocide. Why not? Yeah, I'm saying, oh, down. I'm saying 90 and down. Oh, you mean younger people? No, no, no, no. I'm saying, the younger people get to exist.

Yeah, that's fine. I'm right. Like, I've lived long enough. Yeah. I would like to see the rest of the Avatar movies, but if I have to end with a fire axe, it's fine. Maybe they would just do a big screening where, you know, like a big screening where they're just like slowly leaking in carbon monoxide or something.

Yeah, it should be like Logan's run where, like, we have that, like, we wear the special gowns and we go to like this, festival and we all sit in the crowd and they put on like all of our favorite movies. We're enjoying these nostalgia hits and then they slowly fill it with nitrogen gas and we can't breathe it. Just do it at Doomsday. Avengers Doomsday. I love it.

That's the time to do it. Yeah. I keep saying like I don't like any of those movies, but I'm weirdly excited for that one because and I feel like such like a rub. Like where it's like, no, they got all the guys in it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to still see that bullshit.

I know. I'll be pissed off. I'm going to be so fucking pissed off. It's going to be four hours. Yeah. God damn it. I once, we did MCU guys on the podcast, and one of the posts I found was a guy saying, like, I'm sorry, but this movie's going to have to be five and a half hours. Yeah, there's really no way around it.

You're going to fit all these people in there. It's got to be super long. With the two community directors? Is that where those guys started? What the fuck is there? The Rousseau's? The Greyman. They made the Grey Man.

And electronic head or whatever? Electric State. Electric State. Electric head is the Rob's on. Electric State. I never saw Electric State I never watched Electric State either They do good work

The Russo brothers Oh yeah God I'm gonna fucking shit We should be whatever It's over I'm excited for Avengers Doomsday

Because I don't know if you saw the teaser But Epstein will return So that'll be a lot of fun How do they get them back in there I don't know Man if Epstein was revealed To be alive and in Avengers Doom day Everyone's like

Yeah To doomsday mask comes up It's not right Robert Donigeres-Fundt, Epstein. Wow, they kept that secret. They did a good job. Yeah, they really kept that secret. They staged a whole death, and shouldn't she be in prison or whatever?

I got a wart frozen today. I don't even know if it's a... It was funny that my dermatologist, I was like, is it a wart? And he's like, hmm, I don't know. And then he blasted it with the frozen. Do you ever get the frozen shit? I have not, no. I've ever gotten the, I've gotten like the hot.

I've gotten things burned off. It's like frosone. Oh, hot. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I got it. But it's just bothering me. I had to bring it up. Couldn't that burned off seems crazy.

Like different. It's like a lighter from a car. It was no. It was like an, it was a dermatologist. And it was like just an intense speed of heat and like a pinprick basically. Sort of like sin something out. Yeah. I got I got all my dermatitis.

I got all my cosmetic surgery today. Yeah. Because I'm Irish. Well, whatever. I will fucking talk about it. I don't give a shit. What did you get? I have, I have, I have rosacea so then they'll fucking laser the shit on.

My mom is like, you don't want to have like a gross Irish nose. And now she said this to me. me like in the last like 10 years she's like you're getting like an irish rosation nose and i was like what the fuck are you talking about and then and then she was like like your nose is like getting red with rosation it's going to turn to like a big like Irish nose and i was like well fuck and then i went to the dermatologist and like we can like laser it so i now get that done every so often where they laser my nose so it doesn't turn to like a big bulbous irish nose and then i got the PRP to help me stop balding which is working yeah you can make full head air they take your blood out and then

they just inject it into your head basically you don't have to go to turkey you for that. Yeah. So that's the alternate you go to, you can go to and I've, have you, have you ever done an episode on, on, on, on hair replacement guys? I just get bald guys and, uh, Chris wants me to buy a toupee, like a hair system. That'd be fun. To see what I would look like with hair

because I never had, I haven't had it in like 20 years. Honestly, I mean, it's, it would cost like $5,000 but going to, I've told Wags, it's like, I know some people who have done this, but it's all in. to Turkey and like you buy you have to buy your flight but then they give you a hotel and they give you a translator and they give you meals they give you everything it's it is kind of like a weird like event that they and they and then they give you the surgery or whatever yeah the food is good there it would be a fascinating thing to to to do but what the lars thing with his teeth

was crazy because he'll wear first of all he always choose on a toothpick but he also wears his hat backwards and it's like a trucker cap and you can see that he's like balding and that's why He's wearing a hat. It's like, you're Lars, dude. You got to go to Turkey. You know, you got the teeth. You might as well get the hair. And he's originally enough he doesn't really even have to go to Turkey.

He could do it here if he really wanted. He could afford it. He could sell one of his pieces of fine art. Hold on a second. We touched on this for a second, but Wendy's. Wendy's has fallen off. Wendy's has fallen off. Ohio, the birthplace of Wednesday.

Columbus, Ohio specifically. Yep, Dublin. I have a guy that I don't want. like anymore, but he does tech there. And I knew somebody who got to try the food was like a food taster. But they got what happened for me is they got rid of the Big Bacon Classic, which was their best thing they ever had. I like the Big Bacon Classic. It was so good.

It had lettuce on it. Now they're like, oh, it's just a baconator. And it's just like a big pile of dry meat. Yeah, yeah. I don't eat mayonnaise. So it's dry meat. Yeah. But like the last few times I've had it, like the spicy chicken sandwich, probably it'll go okay, but everything else there is just really gross. The spicy chicken sandwich also had, well, they, they, forever they were like, it was death by a thousand cuts, as they say why. Right.

Where they were, like, changed the buns. And then they changed the fries. The fries suck shit. Yeah. And then now with the spicy chicken sandwich, a thing that was so important, I think that the spicy chicken sandwich is having that piece of lettuce instead of shredded lettuce. Now it's shredded of lettuce and it fucking sucks. They do the frosty stuff, though.

I'm interested. I'm frosty. curious. Anytime they do anything with the frost, because I'm big into soft serve. I love soft serve ice cream. So the frosty, and it's perfect because like, it does make them seem cheaper, though. Like, like when they do that shit with this with this frosty, it does make it seem like a cheaper product. Right. I'm saying, I, Wendy's decline is, I mean, it made me say that all CEO should be killed basically just recently on the podcast, but like, uh, it is the one that's turned me. I, I am like, Wendy, like, I'm like, I could see what they're closing thousands.

thousands of stores. I'm like, am I going to live in a world where I see just like Wendy's clothes at some point because they fucked up so bad? They closed the one on Ohio State campus, which I think is crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. They're like, you're in bad shape if you're closing that one. Kyle and Beck, we were recording their podcast earlier and as they were leaving, they're talking to me about like, like, hey, which one has fallen off? Is it Jimmy Johns or Jersey mics? Which we got by private equity. And like the answer is like, it's like both. Both have gotten worse. Everything just gets worse. It gets acquired by someone. And that's

what happened to hamburger habit, which it was originally a family-owned business in Santa Barbara, California. It got bought by a couple of guys, the Reichard brothers, who from what I've read seemed to have just basically taken the concept from the guy who created it, who's now been basically excised from history. But I found some circumstantial evidence that his name is Donald Campbell. Jesus, you can barely find his name. Well, because this is the thing. In their corporate history, they'll just bury it. They'll be like, it started in this year. In 1980, the Reikard brothers started to bring this concept elsewhere, because they're like, these guys are like the Ray Crock.

They're the, you know, the actual frontmen of this, this concept. That's gonna be like Do Boys in 20 years when it's hosted by

Skidmark and Emma. Fucking. Who started Doe Boys again? It's lost to history. Well, you know, obviously. Yeah. President Evan Susser

created Doe Boys. Some bullshit. It's the president? Yeah. Some bullshit where that happens. But that's, that's a fucking mustard all stains on the resolute desk.

Oh, no, he's smeared over the Second Amendment with hot sauce. But we miss him. We miss him. He's kidnapped. He's been kidnapped. We'd be lucky if he can come back and become president because his fate is uncertain at this point. I would be happy if that happened. Dodeak, please bring him back.

Dodec, please bring him back. Susser's a guy, he gets stains a lot. He's one of those guys. Yeah, me too. Stang guy. You're a stang guy. I'm a little bit of a staying guy. I'm a little more of a spill guy.

but I am a stain guy. It's one reason I will sometimes wear like a black shirt. You know, I'm just like, I can't really stain this all that easily. I started wearing, I bought a bunch of hoodies that were pigment dyed.

And if you get like the smallest little amount of water, it stays there for like a really long time. And that's when I noticed like, I'm just dumping shit all over myself all day. Right. At the end of the day, it's like,

shit, man, I don't even remember eating that. So this place then, it gets private equity, uh, It gets sold to private equity, gets franchised, and now it's owned by Yum Brands, which Yum Brands owns KFC, Pizza Hut, and Taco Bell, all of which are not necessarily firing on all cylinders right now. Pizza Hut's having a tough time.

Pizza's really struggling. I always enjoy Taco Bell, and the last time we had KFC, Dally and KFC, it was hitting, but also their sides have their side selection has been really paired down. If KFC and Pizza Hut, I think they've done almost irreversible damage to it now. it's like, right, they've gotten, like, and I think that there can be times

or KFC still works. Yeah, I mean, just like, compared to what it was, KFC was a higher tier of fast food. Totally agree. And that's over.

It was designed as like a dinner replacement back when most meals were cooked in the home. And pizza hut is just the saddest of, I mean, what's happening. What's happening to Wendy's is like the pizza hut of, like, it's kind of a pizza hudification of what happening to,

and it's, it sucks. It's a, it's a fucking bummer. The pizza hut thing, like, growing up, that was like the best piece.

Like, You were like, I got to get pizza hut. Yeah. And I haven't had it since I, we ordered one time when, and this is so long ago, we ordered a pizza. It came to our house. It was only half sauce and cheese and pepperoni. It was like, and the other half was completely nothing. So we fucking called them and was like, hey.

That's just nothing on it at all. It was the weirdest thing. But yeah, nothing. It was just a nun pizza. Yes. Yeah. And we called them. We told them what happened.

Those motherfuckers delivered us another one like that. so that we did get what we ordered. Yeah. But over like an hour and a half. And I just, I haven't eaten there since. I haven't had to have been fucking with you. I agree.

I agree. I know. Because the only, the only explanation I have is that maybe they thought I ordered that when I called it in and I was like, hey, this thing. But I just,

my wife was like, we will never eat here again. And we have, we haven't. It was very long time ago. I were watching Survivor. Yeah. Season like one.

too. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's fucking, I mean, I, I, I, I kind of have this theory that I think that they're given too many options. I think you gotta, the, you gotta take things away. And look, BK. You used to say, have it your way. And I, I, I respect them for that. But I think, like, with dominoes, it's like, there's, there's, and I, I like, I, I like a shitty pizza that I like. It's, like, when you crave Taco Bell over Mexican food, you crave dominoes in the same way or whatever. But there's two, there's just too many options. now. Like you can you can modify your stuff too much and I think of that restaurants should get away with it. Serve what you serve and maybe you can take mayo off the sandwich or you can take a condiment off the sandwich.

But then like putting half fucking white sauce on your pizza and then half red sauce do away with it. It's where I think it all comes from is like it just cheapens everything. Everything just seems cheap. Yes, but it's also like kind of the Starbucksification of everything where it was just like oh people like the like the idea of optionality is so appealing. Oh, I can really customize something endlessly. It's why, like, you know, like a chain like yogurt land pre-pandemic was so huge. That shit. I agree. I want decisions to be made for me.

We know that they suck. We know that they suck. people claim they want options, like if you ask them, but in practice, they're actually happier if decisions are made for them. Yeah. because like nostalgia is such like a huge thing now that I think like I really believe that if you open like a chucky cheese for adults that had animatronics and games, it would probably actually be successful now. Yes. Because everybody just wants to be a kid. And if you opened up a pizza hut that looked like the pizza huts from back then, people would go crazy to eat there.

I mean, you look up Pizza Hut on YouTube, which I have done. and like people are constantly like oh remember when they had those big lamps there and stuff like that remember when they did but you could do book it even 100% adult read a book and come in and get I just think like I never get a free pizza I wouldn't either I just think that like people would if there was a plate everything every there used to be places to go and they're like with Pizza Hut it is completely gone it's just like a small little strip mall building Why would you go there? Like, what would be the point in getting pizza? It also sucks that our field of dreams is, is pizza hub. I know. But that is like, I mean, I would love to sit down. I think there is, I think they know that a little bit now, but they're going to try

to modernize it. I mean, that's another thing. How do you update it and not have it just be like a throwback thing? Because throwback shit also kind of sucks too. Right. I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. Well, I will say this.

The resurgence of Chili's is illustrated because people are craving what you saying, Brian, they want to go to a place, they want to hang out. They want to, like, have a spot that's just like. Do they? I feel like they're half in and half up. I don't know. That's us as people. Like, I don't want to go anywhere and hang out at all. Yeah. Yeah. But people, I think other people would love to do that. I think there's a general, like, like, yes, people have shifted a lot because of the pandemic to getting things door dashed and Uber Eats to their houses and not leaving. But I also think a lot of people in the same way that there are people who always want to go. They're always going to want to go to a movie theater.

They're always going to be people who want to go to a restaurant. You know what I mean? And I feel like if Pizza Hut leaned into that, yeah, they're not going to be able to have like a thousand dine-in locations like they used to or whatever the fuck. But they could have a few pop-ups and see how they do. You got to keep the ears open for movie nerds and mass shooters.

You need to keep them up. I think the Chucky Cheese thing, if they made them the animatronics like look like the fucking Beatles or something and had them just play Beatles songs, people would go fucking crazy. Not me, would go nuts for that. I think that people,

just seeing something physical, I think that they underestimate that. Like, seeing an actual animatronic is still great and cool. Well, let's look when we went to Chuckie Cheese, and I do want to talk about Chuckie Cheese a little bit with you,

Brian, because I know you work there, um, and played Chuckie himself. That's right. We had a, when we went there most recently with Griffin Newman,

it smelled like shit. It smelled like fucking diapers. It smelled horrible. That, well, but also like so much, it's probably evergreen. It's probably always been the case.

But, also the guy, who worked there when we walked in, he's like, oh, something smells like diapers. I think it might have been us. But also, like, they have, like, one animatronic, and the rest is just screens playing, like, licensed YouTube content. They were playing, like, fucking bluey and, like, Ms. Rachel and shit. It's like...

Chive TV on there. But, but, like, you were, you worked at... I believe as a teenager was when you worked at Chuck E.C.C. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was, like, 16 years old, me and all my loser friends got a job there. because one of my friend's girlfriend's got a job and she got me a job and then I got somebody a job and then we had eventually taking it over. But, you know, it's really weird. I think I really liked the pizza back then.

Like I have fond memories of it. And then we had art. I had my daughter and I had it again. And I was like, this is the grossest shit I've ever had. Yeah, it was pretty disgusting. It was pretty bad. I mean, I think we were even nice to it and I still think it was like, pretty fucking bad. It's bad now, but it was

like never great, but there was like everything, it was better. They did do garlic butter sauce around on the crust, and I do that when I make pizza at home now every time. That was an innovation to me, but the rest

of it just, you know, we would kind of fuck up pizzas on purpose so that we can all have the pizza. So I hate it like every day, and I loved it. It's baffling to me because like, shouldn't things with time all get better. Shouldn't the, like, it doesn't make any fucking sense.

It doesn't make sense. Yeah. We've done the podcast for 10 years. It hasn't gotten better. No, it's gotten worse. It's degraded in quality. And also, like, the simple things like this, shouldn't Chuck E cheese pizza get better with time?

It shouldn't get fucking worse. Everything's going to get worse. Well, no, because the incentives are to make it shittier. Like, like what you were just saying, Mitch, like, the death by a thousand cuts is just to like slowly chip away at things to see what your people are willing to tolerate while charging an ever increasing amount for. It's just like ratcheting down the quality while ratching up the price over time. And then everyone just like kind of gets used to what the new normal is.

Yeah, it fucking sucks. It's horrible. And like it being food, which is obviously what we track is just like, especially it's like, hey, you know what? I have so few things in life I enjoy or look forward to. At least I can go get like some deluxe chili cheddar fries from del Taco. And I go get them now and they're $8 and they suck. I'm just like this fucking and I'm waiting 10.

minutes in the drive-through because the restaurant is understaffed because if they have like three people in the kitchen instead of six which they probably need they can save money and it's just like it fucking sucks i think that the one thing that i think is so on a down slope for the past few years is five guys which was like yeah sure when they expanded that was like a special place it felt like like the first few times i had that i was like i can't believe this food and now every time i've had it It's disgusting. Yeah. And I hate being inside that place.

It's the worst place to be at. It's like they play really loud classic rock and it looks like a fucking bathroom. Peanut shells on the floor. Yeah, yeah. I developed an allergy to, but so I'm not sure if I could go back in a five guys. I don't sure what would happen. People, people, people, oh, yeah, I wonder. That's very interesting.

Why? Might be a way to go. Just go in there roll around the floor. People are always like, you know, a lot of people are like, yeah, they're very negative lately. What do you want from us? As we've done this, in 10 years that we've done the show, these fast food restaurants, some of them not even that good have gotten fucking worse. This fucking sucks.

And also that speaks to today's restaurant. The habit. When I first came out here, habit was like, hey, this is like a good place that you got. It was. It had that, it had kind of a vibe of like, it's a little bit better. And I don't know. I mean, whatever, we can get into the food of it all. I don't know what its reputation now.

I think it's just not even really thought of at all. I think so. And I think they've like, the advantage it had over like a like a Burger King, a Wendy's, a McDonald's, which, you know, it's never going to compete with those because those have thousands of locations worldwide and this place has like 300. But the advantage they had over is like it was like a five guys like, oh, you can get something like maybe a little better quality here. You know, maybe you're spending a little bit more, but it feels more like a premium burger and fries experience. And now that doesn't feel like the case anymore.

Now it feels like, I don't know, some of these are like, like, all right, but I don't feel like I'm like head and shoulders above what I would get at an conventional fast food burger place. Yeah, yeah. But all that said, it's not the hamburger. It's not the habit anymore. It was originally a hamburger habit. Then it was just the habit. But they've dropped the the, it's cleaner. It's now habit, burger and grill, no the.

Well, that helps actually adding less words. The first time I came here, I liked it. The first time I came to LA and like 28. I had it and I was like, this shit is awesome. I liked it more than I liked in and out the first time I came here. And now like, he's pissed.

I'm only a little mad. No, no, I'm fine. I don't really, I'm not protective of in and out for outsiders because it's like, hamburger habit is the best name they had. It was a good name.

That's a good name. The habit burger or habit burger. That sucks. Habit burger. That's way worse. Hamburger habits like a thing, like a, like a clinical.

Yeah. I get a hamburger habit. I really do. Have a hamburger. My wife was like... Me too. What have you eaten since you got there? I was like, look, I'll eat vegetables.

You're going to have to give me a couple days because the burgers here are so fucking good. I like, don't eat like that at home? Well, I do. I'm lying. I was going to say, I don't eat like this at home, but I actually do, like, also eat like this. Do you ever grill yourself up a burger at home? My wife's a vegetarian. Okay, sure.

hates. Like any, like, bacon or burgers made in the house. It just, she smells it. Yeah, I get it. It smells lingers. It's totally interesting. We go to, like, we go out to eat a lot. We live, like, downtown now where all the restaurants are.

So we don't, we stopped cooking. Basically, once we move there, it was like, well, what's the fucking point? You got to have groceries in the house to cook? And so we just kind of go, we'll either very lazily Uber-Eat stuff. But I don't like doing that. anymore. I'm like, I'm turning on every app now. I'm turning on Airbnb. I'm done. I hate you. Airbnb is bad. Did you, I'll tell you what happened to me with Airbnb. I went to Miami in January and I got this Airbnb and they don't tell you before you sign up for the Airbnb that

you have to check in like it's a hotel in the lobby. And I got there and there was nobody in the lobby and it was like 1230 at night nobody there when you say lobby like what what is this like a condo complex it's like a condo building okay and there's nobody in the lobby and I'm like what what's going on so I just kind of patiently stand there for five minutes and then 10 minutes and then I start looking around and then it gets to be 45 minutes and nobody shows up then this German guy gets there that's also trying to stay there and he's like what's going on I don't know. I don't fucking know. There's nobody here. But I hear somebody in a bathroom yelling. And I was like, so. Were you at Mitch's house?

I think we're on the phone yelling. Yeah, Kyle, I think it was a, the woman was yelling at her, her boyfriend or something. Like, she was screaming on the phone at a bathroom. And she didn't come out. He knocks on the door. His wife knocks on the door. She still doesn't come out. And so we started booking around with the computer and stuff like that, trying to like figure out if we could check ourselves. in or whatever, you know. And that's when a security guy showed up. Finally, he was like, well, you can't, you guys can't be messing with the computer. Did he, did he, did he help you out at least? He did not. He said, I said, I want to check in. I've been here for an hour.

And he goes, like, what do you want me to say? It's a woman. Like, he kept saying it's a woman in the bathroom. And I'm like, I don't know what that even fucking means. Yeah, what the fuck is he talking about? And then when finally, 90 minutes. And I'm not exaggerating, 90 minutes. My wife is sitting in the car and I'm standing.

in this lobby losing my fucking mind. She finally comes out and she's like, just give me a second. Okay? When she's, and I'm like, I gave me fucking 90 minutes. And she goes, you want to know what's going on? I was in that bathroom. I was bleeding all over the floor. And I have nothing I can do about that.

And now you're going to yell and she yells at me. And I was like, this is it. This is the last Airbnb I ever said. It was over. It was fucking crazy. And the place was a fucking dump. The fucking refrigerator smelled like onions. And so anything you put in there fucking smelled like onions.

You couldn't use a refrigerator or anything. I just, I was like, there's got to be a way. Because my wife likes to go to national parks. Right. It's very hard to stay near a national park without doing Airbnb at this point. Or camping. Yeah. And I'm never going to do that.

And so it's kind of like, she, like, I'm like, I can't do it anymore. So now I'm like trying to book us a trip to Maine. And I'm trying to figure out a way to stay in a hotel and still go to the National Park because it's crazy. We try not, we try to on Do Boys tours. We try to do hotels. We did a, we did a Airbnb. We had a bad. Well, Emma, Emma and I stayed at the, the Zanee's condo and fucking national.

Oh, no, comedy. I think the guy when he showed us the house was like Pete Davidson's like noted in this room. The room I'm going to fucking stay in. Why the fuck are you telling me this? Show the room Pete Holmes nutted in. Then I could drink that and be smarter. But like, you know, like we would get some Airbnb's and they would be like wonky and then Wager wouldn't sleep or whatever the fuck would happen. I'm not making fun of you.

No, I mean, like there would be someone would be uncomfortable, something would be bad. I mean, like that I was going to try to relate to you with the Chicago. We lost like $3,000. on that on the Nashville trip. We lost, and we lost, we just did a Phoenix trip and we lost money. Like, so that's the, that's the tradeoff. It's like, are you going to lose money?

Are you going to try to make money? Right. And so we're, we're going to do another Airbnb for one of our trips coming up, and hopefully it's okay. But it will say Chicago, it's like, that was great. That was mostly fine. And also, by the way, that was great. And there were cockroaches in there, but there, even though everyone didn't believe I saw a fucking rush.

I believed you. I never doubted you for one second. Gapers. Gavis didn't believe me for whatever reason. Gaslighting you was a bit. It was fun. Everything comes out of the woodwork when it's that fucking cold out. You're going to see some shit. There were some roaches.

I thought someone else saw one. Oh, you saw one. Amelia saw one. And like the, yeah, the, I was going to say, like, the bathrooms weren't super private, at least the one that I was using. And then the, I was sleeping. Your side of the peephole that I was, yeah. Might have a peep hole in an amplifier.

You have never, in an Airbnb, you've never slept in a comfortable bed. It's just they never, they never, they, they, everything is, like, Like the mid, it's exactly like these restaurants, they spend the minimum amount of money. Yes. And charge you the maximum amount they can get away with. And it's like, fuck, this bed sucks. This couch sucks. Everything in here sucks.

The place in Miami, like there was nothing on a walls. It was crazy to be in there. For me, it sucks. And also I know that when if I'm like, we're doing an Airbnb, that means I'm not going to nut on this tour. I'm not going to go, you know what I mean? I'm not going to go in there and jack off, you know. You can. They let you.

You can do that. Respectfully so, I'm not jacking off with, I'm not doing that sort of thing with a, under the same roof as, as our guests and co-workers. Now you're going to go jack off in the parked rental car? I mean, like, what are we doing? Don't you jack off at this bathroom all the time? It's a difference there. We're sharing a home. I'm not going to do that at the home.

Headgum bathroom is a workplace. It's a different difference in time. Well, you can jack off at work. You can jack off at work. They'll fire you, but you can jack off at work. I've known. I hear no HR. How did the German guy react to the...

He was fucking going crazy too. He was crazier than me. Yeah. And I was crazy. Was he yelling in German at all or no? Yeah, he was just being very... It was crazy. He came in there.

He was like really German. He's wearing a Von Dutch shirt and a Von Dutch hat. And the hat's like to the side. He's got two kids and his wife is there. I was like, this is fucking crazy. I hated that play. I hated Miami so much. Like, it's one of the...

of the maybe worst places I've been. Miami's a very, well, I don't think I'd like it. We'll see how Orlando is. Yeah, we'll see. Now, Orlando, I could probably do. Miami is like, do people honk their horns like crazy there? Like in a way that like even,

I've been to New York and I've driven around here and people sometimes honk their horns here. As soon as the light changes there, they honk like everybody's honking. I almost got killed by cars like 50 times. As a pedestrian or? Yeah, yeah, as a pedestrian. They just, they don't give a shit.

And it's just like, I did go there during the, and their airport's horrible, too. Their airport, it was like, there was nobody running the baggage claim area. So we stood there for like an hour and a half. And then we went to get our car and they were like, I went to get the rental car and they were like, okay, now you just go down there. And it'll be about 45 minutes. They'll bring you a car. It's like, what the fuck is going on here? Like, it took me so long to get to late.

down and then you lay down on that Airbnb bed after a really shitty day of travel. It's just like, God damn it. This is horrible. I was in Chicago, I weirdly got the best sleep I've got in an Airbnb because I... And it was sleeping on a couch.

I was sleeping on a couch in the attic, but that it was just like a weird... Right at home. The attic. It was a fucking beautiful spot up there, a piece of shit. It was a fine place to hang out, not like an ideal place to sleep because there was like so much light coming in.

It wasn't Mrs. Havishams. There was a whole fucking... thing you could have closed. There was some stuff you could close. You couldn't close everything. But all that said, it was fine. I'm not even complaining. I couldn't sleep there.

And it was just because I felt like it was like a long nap. You know what I mean? In Orlando, we're staying at the Florida Project Motel. That's where we're staying. Yeah, it should be fun. It should be nice. It should be nice. I was in New York and a German guy.

I was in a bar and a German guy. You just reminded me of this. I walked by and he went, Travis Kelsey. And I was like, what? and he was like, you look like Travis Kelsey. I was like, no, I don't. And he was like, has everyone ever told you that? I was like, no.

And then I was like, do you mean Jason Kelsey? And he's like, who? And he didn't know who Jason Kelsey was. And I was like, I think you, I think you mean Jason Kelsey. And I just walked away from him. Yeah. But he didn't speak much English at all, but that was my German guy in a direction to you. My German guy

never even acknowledged I existed any other time he saw me that whole time. You guys bonded. together. Yeah, yeah. It is like, don't look at it. He didn't want me to look at it. Brian, I want to get your opinion on another Columbus, Ohio, or not just, not Columbus

specifically, but another Ohio chain, which people know Jenny's ice cream from Ohio, but like I've recently on the podcast become a huge fan of handles, which is from Ohio. Have you ever, you ever, have an opinion on that? Do you ever have that over? I've had it. Yeah. I've had it.

I mean, I don't like Jenny's very much because I just fine. Like the weird flavors. Sure. I like Jenny's all right, but it is, it is, you know, it's trying to be fancy. Yeah. I like it, though. Handles is the ice cream of the people. Yeah, it's good.

Handles Toff is another one, Johnson's. We have like 80s. It's probably close in price, by the, I mean, handles does give you a shit ton of ice cream. I don't know. You get a lot for your, a lot of bang for your bucket handles. I'm more of a soft serve. I'm crazy about, like, I go to baseball games so I can get the soft serve in the helmet. Have you thought about going to like a Dodger game or an angel game to get the soft serve in one of those helmets?

I have, I have. I'd love to go to a Dodger game. Although I don't think I like going to MLB games. I like going to minor league. I go to minor league games, which are cheap. Right. And I'm like in a luxury box and I'm paying like $35 for a ticket. Yeah. So like it's just and it's across the street from my apartment.

So I just go sit at a baseball field and eat ice cream basically. Ice cream and hot dogs. It's great. And I started to kind of know who the guys were on the team. which I mean they're minor league team so this year I could watch Major League and be like oh I know that guy he was you know the guy on the Guardians

who is a Pee Halpin Oh yeah that's fucking prospect Yeah was he what's the what's the minor league team called? Clippers Columbus Clippers okay they used to be the That's cool as hell They used to be the Yankees farm team Oh shit yeah

When I was growing up so like I'll never forget like my parents are like We gotta go to this game John Rockers pitching after he had gotten in trouble. Did he get sent down? Is that what happened? Yeah, he got sent down after he was suspended.

And everybody in town was like, John Rocker, he's a real celebrity, you know. That's always the exciting thing with like a AAA team when like some fucking guy who's fucked up or whatever comes back. It's rid rules. It rocks when you live in like a small, like in the city I live in if a famous person's there, you hear about it. immediately like, I actually told this on the best show, but John Travolta made I Am Rat in Columbus. He was there for like three weeks.

And all my Facebook was completely guys like, I just saw John Travolta at the spaghetti warehouse. Everybody and people would go there then and they would go there to be around John Travolta. I don't even know if they'd talk to. That's what we had that with Dave Portnoy was in Quincy. Not long ago. People were all going crazy about Dave Portnoy being in Quincy. He did like maybe 10 pizza places in town. Yeah.

For some reason. Like, I think he's there a lot because of college football. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, all the places he's like given a good review were kind of not. They were kind of shitty compared to like the stuff. I mean, he is as good at food reviewing as we are, which is not good at all. He's bad at it. He's a fucking idiot.

Right? But way more successful. yeah sure whatever yeah i mean everyone what are you supposed to do he should review the pizza from the city which he did but it was all like not not in the style of the pizza that we eat in columbus like there's a bunch of like neighborhood blazes that are so good they're not like new yorks they're columbus style yeah and like uh he didn't eat at any of the i think he ate it like one or two of them that were brand new ones that aren't like

old businesses or anything. He gave them like nines because the pizza there is fucking great. Like the, the style of pizza is really good. Anybody who has it is like, this shit is really good. Yeah. But most of the stuff he did was like, like artisan pizzas and stuff like that. I was like, I'm not eating that shit. Have you done bar stool guys on your on your pocket?

I should. I should. I should. That's a big one. Sometimes, sometimes like I did some sport. I did umpires and referees, which I found so fascinating. Yeah. Because, like, those guys, listen, I respect that they have to be physically fit to do.

Well, not umpires, but referees for soccer, they have to run back and forth. Man, when you read those guys talking to each other, they think they're the toughest guys on the planet. They're like, I gave them a yellow card. I didn't even care. It's just so funny. Like, watching these guys be like, I. You know, this kid was 12. He's cursing at me.

I'm like, you're out of here. Parents come down. I don't give a shit. They were some of my. I love guys that like... You have to be a huge weirdo or like a very nice person to do... It's one or the other. Or maybe sometimes both.

I mean, I think you have to be really, really comfortable with confrontation in a way that I could never be. Yeah, yes. But also like confrontation. You're going to, you want to yell at stranger? I mean, you're going to yell at the fathers of children, the strangers of fathers of children. I saw a guy one time say, his kid's dad was in the stands. He's a biker. And he was like, he kept telling me I wasn't calling the pitches, right?

But I just kept calling him the same way that I'd always been called. His kid struck out. He got all mad at me. I didn't care. I like tough guys anyway. There's like two kinds of guys I like is tough guys. tough guys and then really dumb guys that really think they're smart. Like next week, we have deep guys coming out, which is just I went to Reddit and I searched.

I went to R slash deep thoughts. Oh, man. And found these guys talking. And they, without exaggeration, are the dumbest guys I've ever covered on the show. I'm thinking of like UCB theater and thinking of like the deep guys from the theater. They are usually pretty fucking dumb. Right. The weed guy you grew up with.

100% They've moved it from like smoking wheat to like improv or whatever Yeah, is a fucking idiot Almost we were almost a bar stoo. Have we said that on the podcast? We were almost a barstool podcast.

We were trying to woo us before we tried with headgum. They were trying to give us to be on. I don't know they think that would have been a good match. Man, it's such a funny alt fucking history of we were fucking bar barstool podcast. We both have way more money and way worse politics.

But people would like, more people would like you. It's true. More people would like it. Oh, yeah, 1,000%. We'd have a bigger audience. We'd have a much bigger audience. Some of the worst people on a, you would have to do live shows for some of the worst people on the planet. But we could bring back Whip It Out Wednesdays.

Hey, listen. It's weird out. It's weird out would be a penis. Hey, I'm in favor of that too. I mean, listen, they should have done it once a month. Yeah, I should have a, yeah, have a whip it out Wednesday and once a month. When Wednesday a month, you pull your hog out instead of the way we pull their two. Our tour dates are always Wednesday nights.

I put those tits away. It's whip it out Wednesday. Not whip them out. Yeah, I, I've never been offered a network. I get the emails a lot now because I run the thing. I run the podcast like site. And it's always like, now it's just AI people being like, hey, I think we could get you some more listeners.

if we could get, hey, we could get this little podcast some more listeners. I'm like, fuck you. I don't need more listeners. I'm fine with the amount of listeners I have. There's no AI shit going on here. Like, hey gum, that's for sure. None. The idea of like, yeah, I would definitely in terms of the kind of people who are saying like,

hey, give me money and I'll help you grow your shows. Like, that's never, that's always a fucking scam. But, I mean, like, you could, you and Chris could sign with it. Conover just left a second ago and that AI orb was falling behind it. they're still hanging out. You and you and Christopher Coas could sign with a network because, you know, guys has that kind of audience. But also, like, it's cool that you don't have ads and don't have to worry about that. And, you know, your fans subscribe to your Patreon.

I think what you have a great setup. I read one ad one time in my life for Mike and Jesse from your Kickstarter. And they got in trouble for the way that I read it. You were them? Yeah, as a joke. Mike wanted me to read it. And because Mike was supposed to read it instead of Jesse. So he's like, hey, can you read this ad for me?

And I didn't read. I like, he was like, you can't throw in a few little things if you want to. So I did. And they ended up getting in trouble. And I was like, oh, well. Do you remember what the ad was for? Oh, shit. I wasn't supposed to bring up CVS.

I guess if that helps, it must have been like a, I know it was. Online pharmacy thing or whatever. It was a coupon thing because I got hung up on. I'm real sensitive about that word because I'm not 100% sure how to say it. So I got in my head about it. And then in the ad, I'm like, coupon or is it coupon? Coupon? Oh, my God.

It got really at my head. Coupon. This is like Scallop again. This is definitely some sort of regional divide. I say coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon.

Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon.

The coupon, though, does sound kind of nice. There is a contingent that says coupon. I've heard that. That's what I've always heard, but I grew up with hillbillies. They call Walmart the Walmarts. I bet there's a map that shows like where people say coupon or where people say coupon. They do that with the soda and a pop. Right.

And the Coke, which the Coke thing's false. That is not true. They don't call all the pop Coke. Coke. Okay. I hadn't heard that before. I've been to like Atlanta. I mean, you've been to Atlanta.

You've never heard somebody say, do you want a Sprite Coke? Yeah, yes, no. I think that's just a joke that northern people do to feel better than people from Atlanta. And we do. Let's talk about what you are. Let's talk about Habit Burger and Grill. Brian, you mentioned you've had this before when you're out in L.A. Mitch and I have both had this before over the years.

Emma, Amelia, have you had Habit previously? I think only when we've done stuff on the pod. Yeah, I think you're like a much madness tournament. We did the Tempora Green Beans. So that's maybe the one side you've had, which I do. like, I do like their temporary green beans. They got in a day. I thought they were hitting.

I mean, it's like, it's one where you're like, I don't know what these are going to be before you have them the first time. Then you have them, it's like, oh, this is, I don't actually all the, their fry game isn't bad because I thought the onion rings and the fry. The fries were like a little cold from travel, but they were all in the, in the, in the, in the beans. I thought all the fried stuff was decent. I liked your, I liked your rings better.

Wait, do you mean beans or do you mean the, like, I'm trying to think of what you're saying? Whatever the fucking green beans were that were. Oh, yes. Green beans are beans. Sorry. You said beans and I was thinking of like baked beans. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

You think I thought that we got a little fried baked beans? I don't know. I just like couldn't. You'd say just saying, just saying. That would be actually that is kind of good. That sounds fucking good. Did we just stumble upon something? That's fucking good as hell.

Individual like breaded and fried beans. And they still have a little bit of the bean juice. Yeah, they have the bean juice. Like the like the baked bean sauce. I like that. We did have something similar to that which is a, that was a larger form factor. The cheesy street corn tots with avocado ranch, That is a LTO item, golden cheesy tots packed with sweet corn, peppers, and fresh cilantro.

Emma pointed out these actually had a good amount of burn to them. And, you know, I'm a bit of a heat seeker, but it kind of caught me off guard. Because it's not marketed, I don't think it's a spicy item. I didn't even really catch that they were spicy, but I liked them. The first one I had, I did not get any kick. And the second one, I was like, oh, there's a lot of peppers in this one. I think there must be like jalapeno diced up in there. And like, it depends on the bite you.

Yeah, I didn't get one. I felt pretty tough, though, when you guys said it was kind of hot. Yeah, I feel pretty tough. I feel tough as hell right now. I feel pretty strong right now. Do you, like, here's the thing. I don't, I didn't necessarily like the cheese and sweet corn combo. For some reason, if, like, those elements are kind of rubbing up against these.

I didn't hate it, but I was just like, I don't know. I'd rather have, like, a tot or something. I'd rather have just, like, a potato base than the sweet corn, you know? Yeah, I agree with that. You're kind of going for, like, I guess this is supposed to be kind of like a Cotea, like, you know, like an elode asada. Like, that's what they're trying to do, but it's just like, I don't know. Anyway, it seemed kind of unnecessary, but I didn't mind it. I thought it was well-fried.

Like you were saying, Mitch, I agree with you on the onion rings. Let's talk in burgers. So right now, they have the Baja crispy fish sandwich, which I don't know if either y'all tasted that. I did. And I had half myself, and Amelia, you always roll the dice on fish. Did you also get this one? I did.

Here's what I got to say. Let's see if you all agree with me. Because we got three different sandwiches. A little fishy. Huh. I thought it was too much crisp. Not enough fish. Interesting.

I got a little fishy taste out. I was saying, like, in the way that I think is not a good thing, like, I'm saying, like, it was, like, a little, like, oh, I'm getting, like, a fish taste off of this. Well, I mean, it's probably, like, a frozen, you know, cod filet, I'm sure. But I'm just saying in the bad way where you're like, oh, this tastes like a little fishy where, like, you know, like a lot of those sandwiches, you're like, it tastes good, like, fish in a good way. This tastes like fish in a bad way. I get what you're saying. Like, I had a, I mean, like, I didn't get too strong of an element of that. I didn't mind it.

I thought it was kind of whatever. We remember how much on your ride the D shirt? Oh, yeah. So I'm wearing this T-shirt for the Metro Line expansion here in Los Angeles. The D-line is going from into mid-city. It is a pervert city. L.A. is a pervert. I've been hearing about L.A. all my life and now is the penis train.

This is disgusting. The Metro is selling them. Newsome, you should be ashamed. The Metro is selling them. I bought them to support the Metro system. It's a woke city. It says write the D. It's talking about the D line that goes through Korea Town and now goes from downtown.

That means Dick. It's talking about Dick. It means the train, which now goes from downtown L.A. All the way to Las Sienega. And it's going to soon go all the way to the west side and end up in Westwood Village. Disgusting. Disgusting. That's exactly what I've been told about this place all my life.

It's disgusting. I hope mothers are covering their children's eyes on the train when they look at it tonight. I hope those. mothers and their kids are enjoying a ride on the D. Oh my God. Disgusting. The mothers is okay, but the kids. Yeah, I guess one of the kids is probably, again, it's the train. So whatever entendre you're trying to toss onto it.

They should make it. I'm not even processing it. Does it go into a tunnel like in the movies when somebody's coming? It's an underground line. So it is heavy rail, which is part of that, like, you can get from Westwood to downtown in 20 minutes. That's kind of amazing. That's pretty good.

Yeah. Disgusting. filthy they should shut it down and just cement up the tunnels get a little pushing up on the prostate too they just have dildo seats I've seen them on the swinger club tours we watch oh sure yeah I've seen the seats where there's just a dildo sticking out and I guess you just sit on it what's next that's probably what's next for this

disgusting city oh god I guess I'll have to sit on it what choice do I have I guess I might as well just get one for my home so I just get used to it you know the metal bars are leather straps I'm sure. Do you guys see that that Candace Cameron accidentally went to a demonic S&M party? I saw a new story, yes? Yeah, yeah, well.

It's so funny. It made me sick. I turned around and just left. Me and my husband and it's like, they always say things are demonic, though. I think it was just an S&M party. But how did they, how does that mistake made? She said she got invited to a party by somebody she worked with.

Okay, didn't realize what it was. Yeah. What? Thomas Middle Dish. Is Middlewich and Cameron doing a two-person improv show? What's going on? New Middle Ditch and Schwartz. I also got the Santa Barbara Char, which was a burger.

This was, I mean, there's the thing. I thought, like, the beef quality was pretty good. This is two beef patties, avocado, caramelized onions, American cheese, crisp lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and mayo. On grilled sourdough. So I like the grilled sourdough. I like the beef patties. I like the onions.

I thought the avocado was just piled on way too thick. It was just excessive. Ungapachka, one might say. And then I think, like, with all the different components on there, it just got really a lot of moisture. And I, like, I didn't even want to take a bite of yours. I didn't look a little, like, wet. I don't blame you because I think a simpler concept that was just more of a strict patty melt and ignore the Santa Barbara element, nor trying to get the avocado on there would have been a better execution of it.

But I thought the burger itself was good. and I thought the grilled sourdough worked. I had the charburger. I just did a single charburger to just kind of try. And we're, we're, we're, we did four pods this week.

This is a very heavy eating. This is a heavy one of, and one was a double. And we got another one still to gum. One was a double that was still an eating double. So it was like, we never, so it just,

it sucks. This week is, this week is, uh, I'm always impressed with people who can do more than, even two a week. When I was an eight, oh,

podcast? Yeah, yeah. I don't like. doing two a week. Yeah, two a week sucks. Actually, we do two a week. But when we're at our best, we're doing one main episode and then two doubles.

Every other. So we're doing one main episode every week and then two doubles every other week on different days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most of the year, it's two episodes ahead for us. Yeah, that's good. And then it's psycho. But in November, we record like four a week for like a month and then I take a month and a half off. Because I'm like, I just need to.

We did not do a similar... Ours seems more chaotic than that even, but we do, like, we start banking in, like, May or something. We did a good job one year. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, yeah. The prep of guys just take so much. Right.

Oh, sure. Yeah. Like, some days it's like eight hours, two days in a row. Like, sometimes it's like three hours or something like that. But it just depends on what I'm doing. Some things are just hard to find. We've done that to it. We need to make the podcast fucking shorter.

We need to shorten the podcast fucking shorter. fucking podcast. So we're in an hour and 50 minutes. It's not happening today. We're fucked. I'm having fun. We went way too fucking...

I'm having fun. I'm not saying that we shouldn't go short because I'm not having fun. We can have fun without the bikes. We'd have fun and go for an hour and a half. What the fuck's wrong with an hour and a half? We'd have to change the format a little bit. What the fuck are you talking about?

Shut up. Shut up. We've just got so many different moving pieces. It just kind of takes that long. And we spent a lot of time just having a casual conversation. if you want to like join in with me and trying to steer the ship and like let's get to the next topic.

This is such fucking bullshit. And we can move things along. This is fucking, yeah, he is trying to make me fucking look back. Or you got to let me just be like, hey, let's move on to the next thing a little bit.

Move on to the next fucking thing. All right, let's get to our fork scores. So Brian, you've done the show before. You know how this works. We'll eat to go around. I actually,

I actually had the Western burger. Oh, right. Yes. Yeah. Which they put mayonnaise on, which is not a Western burger. I fucking hate that. You specified no mayo.

Because I hate mayonnaise. But a Western burger is supposed to have fucking barbecue sauce. I agree. Barbecue sauce should not have mayo on there. This one has both barbecue sauce and mayo for some reason. That just sounds like a soupy mess. Why do that? Why do that?

I don't understand it. Why they, and you know what else? I haven't found an Italian sub here without mayo on it here in L.A. Interesting. It all seems like they have mayo. It's like, that's not part of an Italian sum. But, uh, you know.

I've never thought mayo should be on an Italian sub. Yeah, I agree. That's not part of it. I usually don't get it. No, never. All right, the Italian has spoken. How do you feel about mustard? Well, sometimes there's just some mustard on there.

I will sometimes splurge with a little mustard in addition to, like, oil and vinegar. Yeah, yeah. That's what's supposed to be. I do, I do mayo and, actually, not on the, not on the Italian sub, but Jersey, Mike's. But if I get, like, a turkey, I'll do, like, mayo and, and the other, the juice. And the juice. Yeah. And that is like a good combo.

And I get how that could work in an Italian sub. But a lot of them, you're right. There are a lot of Italian subs out here that do put the mayo on there. So weird. But you used to have a, sorry, sorry, just to talk about burgers for a second. You used to be peer pressured into having your burger order be with mayo. That's not fair. Yeah.

This is something that comes up. He does this shit. He gaslights you over and over again. It's done to discredit me, first of all. I used to hang out with these guys. I was kind of the leader of the group of friends. and they used to go to the rallies, which is a... Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we got rallies out there. They would order their burger. I like the rodeo burger. Of course, that's a Western burger. And they were like, they were like, no, you can't have that. You get the big bufer with just cheese and mayonnaise because that's what we like. It's easier to order that way. So they would always order my food.

And then I'd have to like be back there, like, wiping it off. And you're the leader of this fucking group. What's what's on here? That's how they, yeah, it's discrediting me. I was the leader. I'm the leader of this podcast and he fucking, he does pulls this shit with me all the time. They'll do it. It was me and another guy and the other guy are Mayo Sandwich.

Oh, are you making faces back there? I'm not the leader of the podcast. I didn't make a face. I'm just smiling. Oh, you think Wiger's the leader of the podcast. I think I'm the leader of the podcast. All right, I like that. And this fucking bullshit, you're such a buy the book fucking dork.

What did I do wrong? Why are you mad at me now? You're just by the book fucking fucking, throw the book out. You're out of school. You're 50 years old. Don't your iPad. I threw a book out. You're going to break the iPad.

I'm also about 50 years old. You're being hyperbolic. You're 50 too. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with being 50. I like it. Yes. I'm not 50.

I like it. You're almost there. I'm saying I wasn't making fun of 50. I'm saying throw away the books because you're 50. Right. Yeah. What do you mean by that? You read books.

You don't, you stop. You stop. You're not doing it. It's not school anymore. Throw away the books. So you just 50 a long time ago? You threw all your books away a long time? I threw, exactly.

I threw him away. I think it's fun. Look, I like books. So there's that. See, he's afraid to even say this. He's afraid to say, I like books. I have a phone. I don't need a book.

All kinds of stuff on there. That's what I'm talking about. Burn those motherfuckers. Does that phone make you happy? Burn the books. Does a book make me happy? That book has never made me happy. I've enjoyed some books.

I mean, I've been reading a lot. I don't know books. Yeah. Books are good. Books are fun. They're just such a fucking pain in the ass. What did you get mad? What did you just get mad at right now?

He gave your paper cuts. He thinks you think you're the leader. I was more of like... I don't think I'm the leader and I also don't care. I was the fashion. Like I, everybody dressed like me and I told him what kind of music they're like. And then this other guy, that's kind of a fucking loser. He's the guy that said he was going to punch me for saying apparently.

That's, well, yeah. I mean, you had to put your fist down with this with this group because you were the leader. And unfortunately, he drove a Camaro. That made it hard. All right, he might have been the leader. I'm sorry to tell you. Yeah, he had a nice black Camaro, only because his dad died. Was he gifted or he just got money?

Yeah, he got money because his dad died. Oh, shit, yeah, yeah. And I didn't get a Camaro, my dad's still alive. Unfortunately. I got it. When my dad died, I also got a Camaro. Oh, God, I need to get a dead dad. This is bothering him so much, by the way.

Oh, fuck you. You know that that's bothering you. You're pointing to my iPad. on the floor. He's trying to read it. Puts on very long glasses. We do have a segment in a certain point where I'm going to need. Oh, okay. Yeah, you get your book. Or we could not do the segment. That scares you to saying it. He's not, he's not, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, I'm pro. It's improv.

We, well, we do, we got to do, we got to do, you need it for the segment. I know what the segment is. Okay. But yeah, I, I, uh, did not like my burger. But the fries were okay. I just, I think it's so hard to like, if it's not like a brand new smash burger at this point for me, like the place I like, the chain I like for burgers the most.

And this will tell you what kind of burger I'm into is, and listen, you can get Matt, Shake Shack is the one. I think they make the best. I like Shake Shack. I think it's very location dependent. There are a lot of bad Shake Shack Howlitz out there. Yeah, I just, I think they, and they were on the BDS list for a period of time,

and it bummed me out so much because I couldn't have it. And now they're off, and I had one the other day. Fantastic. It's the best. It's the only good, all the other burgers I like are from places that maybe have one or two or five locations or something like that. Like, I think all of the, like, fast food burgers have gotten really, really bad. I like Shake Shack and I,

I mean, I didn't like that they pulled out of California for whatever stupid reason they had, but I've liked Shakeshack and I never really got that the Shake Shack has gotten bad argument. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

For the Do Boys, for the Doe Boys, the BDS list is our yell. We just go down that. Hey, look, I get some Reebok. All right. I just,

like, I, I like, that is the one that I think does it right. And then I think everything else sucks. And I don't, I also have,

like, a real, like, a version now to and I think this is like a food like trend thing that really grabbed me I haven't aversion to fat cheeseburgers now I only want smash well a lot times no place I don't want to smash from I mean I don't fully agree with you but I will say a lot of fast food burgers are very low quality beef and the thicker it gets the easier it is to notice so this is a thing we've we picked up with a big arch it's like these big fat patties and I don't think it's like very it's as good as some of the other now was today's Was that the case with Habit today? My answer is, no, I thought the burger patty was actually pretty good. And it's actually not completely smashed. It is kind of like a media.

It's like a smash, though. It's got, I love the thing you guys do out here, this was thicker. This is way too thick for me. Oh, wow. You guys do it out. Because it's still kind of thin. It's not like this is a thick patty.

But the way that, like, we don't have these burgers you guys have out here that are like paper thin. Right. You know what I mean? That is like, that is incredible to me. I love that shit. It's all, like, crunchy. And like, I feel like,

a lot of people get away with it with it just being flavor you're just like getting the sensation of beef that's my issue with it and i wasn't always like that because like when i was growing up i thought that like a high level cheeseburger like as high as it got was fudruckers that fucking laid and they were thick and childhood wisdom i think you were you weren't wrong he was right wish i could try it again i don't even know i think there's one in ohio there was one here that's closed in Burbank now. That's a place that's really, really receded. That's sad, because I went there on prom.

I mean, it's... I do a lot worse on prom day. The Whopper, they've improved the Wopper, which I guess we got to try, maybe we should have done that today. I think this was a good choice to do that. Yeah, all right, fine, that's fair. I'll say this. Well, you know, I'll save it for...

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Let's get to our fork scores. So, Brian, you know how this works. We'll each go around. We'll give our closing argument on this chain and give it a score from zero to five forks. We've not talking about a shakesmith, but we can talk about this in our final burgers. That's why. That's what I was saving.

Brian, we'll begin with you, your thoughts, your fork score for Habit Burger and Grill. Feeling really unfair because it wasn't hot or whatever. And it's not, again, the mayonnaise was really a bummer. Like, it just, it wasn't on the burger, by the way. I got what I ordered. It was just like, why is it got to be there? So on just two and a half. That's an average.

It was average. Perfectly in the middle. We're going to figure out, Amelia's not here. We got to figure out, we've had a lot of bad food recently, and I'm blaming Amelia for it. It's Amelia's fault Hold your thought of your tongue on that Until she gets back in here I'm scared to say in front of her

She's gonna get mad at me You hold your tongue You're scared for her to get mad at you I thought you were the leader of the podcast I am the leader of the podcast But the leader can get scared sometimes I know you ever heard of a revolution Yeah

Cut your head right on The habit was While I was eating in my burger I was like this is pretty good A toasted bun The ingredients tastes like but it is almost like kind of, I feel like it just kind of falls victim

to being like boring, I guess. Like the sides were decent. Everything was like decent about it, but I will never go out of my way to get the habit. And it did used to feel more special than it does now. And I was like, I was like, hmm, is this close to getting to like four forks? And it just wasn't.

And I was like, when I had the shake, I was like, maybe this will be the determiner if it's like a higher score and a lower score. And it is the determiner and it is a lower score. but not even close to like a like I would say like three and a quarter forks which is not bad like I do think

it's better than a lot of other shittier restaurants that we go to did you say that the shake the chocolate shake had it wasn't chocolate ice cream it was chocolate this is what the issue was I love that that's my favorite version yeah you maybe you maybe would have like it was

yeah I should try to that's my favorite way to do it I like vanilla ice cream with like chocolate here I wonder what you would have thought of this it felt almost to... I didn't care for it. You tried... I told you you weren't going to like it. Yeah.

But it was very much like Hershey's chocolate syrup and vanilla ice cream. That's like my dream. That's why I like the frosty. It's barely chocolate. You, I wonder... But I didn't have a frosty. I don't know. I don't know if you would have liked this.

It felt very much like you were drinking Hershey's syrup. I didn't want to eat it. Fart, though. I didn't want to try milk. I'm sorry. No, I think that's totally fair. Shakes, shakes certainly take you to fart down. I think it's going to be...

wait, so you're saying three forks. What's that? You're saying the three and a quarter forks. That's your very good. Three and a quarter forks, yeah. So the shake I got. With the shake was good, I would have gone to like three and a half forks. The shake I got, I think was called the Blue Wave.

Do we know what it was? Blue Something. I haven't seen one of those in a while. Oh, boy. The Blue Wave, I'm saying. Just wait until November. Isn't that a gross thing? Oh, yeah.

Blue Wave. Yeah, it is the Blue Wave shake. The Blue Wave shake. This is an LTO shake. and this is limited time offering and it is a it is like pineapple and coconut and some sort of blue hue for some reason

because I thought it had blueberries but I guess it does not I took a sip of it and I could not have told you that it was those flavors it was a bizarre sciencey just generally blue flavor the copy says handcrafted and made to order

with natural pineapple and coconut flavors why is it blue I don't know what's natural about it being blue it's at California Just a blue wave. They're hoping for a Democratic. Like, hoping for that in November. Again, like, ride the D blue wave.

What's going on out here? Disgusting. This place is disgusting. It makes me sick out here. It was just a weird, like, you know what it tasted like? It tasted like they were like a mystery flavor where you'd be like, oh, what is this? Yeah, the new Oreo mystery flavor. Right, exactly.

Yeah, or like, hey, this is a, this is Harry Potterland. This is like the, the professor, Finkel's. like fucking, you know, whatever. Professor Finkelberg. Yeah. Professor Finkelberg's. Professor Finkelsberg's magic mystery shake or something. Like, it's just like, I don't know.

It's fucking, it was tasted what, it was hard to place. And the blue color confused it. Professor Finkelberg was never Jewish. You're like, all right. Are you sure? Okay, all right, whatever you say, ma'am. Finkelsberg finished crafting his potion and headed straight to the men's room. It was one of two options

What a fucking dweeb she is The worst fucking human being Write a stupid book and it's been the rest of your life saying like Actually this guy was gay I mean yes You also have so much money You don't have to say anything I don't get it

If I had enough money If I had her money I would certainly not have a fucking podcast I wouldn't have social media You know I'd be doing is I'd be enjoying my riches I mean first of all she's hateful of course. That's the worst part of her. But then also, shut the fuck up, you fucking dork. Yeah, like

it actually makes me feel justified that I hated a little stupid books when I was younger. I didn't read them. I didn't even like all all your fucking dumb generation that were all friends and like Harry Potter, you fucking dewebes. Sorry, I'm talking to Amelia. I like them growing up, but I wasn't, I'm not a freak about it to this day.

I've never seen the movies even. I don't know anything about it. The movies kind of suck, too. There's like one or two of them that are okay. One or two of them are all right. My daughter's like a coward. She was afraid of them. So I never watched that. That's guys doesn't be scary for me, did, yeah. She was like eight.

I saw nightmare at Elm Street when I was in the fourth grade. I was going to say, Chucky, Child's Place scared the shit out of me when I was younger, and it really did. It scared the fuck out of me. I was definitely seeing. That's the only time it happened, you know. I was definitely seeing Freddie and Jason movies around that age,

and I mentioned before I saw hardcore pornography when I was eight years old. Yeah, it was really, you know, a whole thing. Anyway. Turn them into the purve wearing the ride the t-shirts. Here in California, they let you read porno when you're in. So. Amelia, while we're at it, the food's been cold lately. What's the fuck's going on?

I picked it up directly. Hmm. They probably made it too early. They probably made it too early. No, I was waiting there for a while to wait for it to get done. Oh, I hate that makes me so mad. And I know it's unreasonably mad about it, but I just stand there like, I'm fucking pissed.

off. I can't win. I can't win if the foods early. I can't win if the food's too late. That's right. Now you're getting it. Yeah, yeah, now you're fucking getting it. I would prefer if standing in front of a fan with shit blowing.

We know you'd prefer that. So, I actually think the best part about the burger was the burger. It's like, like, this is a decent burger. All the other shit on it, I just didn't need. It would have been addition by subtraction to have a simpler concept. Is it better than when? Wendy's right now. It's better than Wendy's right now.

Oh, man, okay. I mean, I have to disagree with that just due to Columbus Pride. Sure, that's fair. No, I'm kidding. I think if Wendy's had the Big Bacon Classic, it would be way better. But you remember the Big Bacon Classic when it was good and had like the bun that had kind of like lights, like not sesame seeds, but little seeds on it? You know what I'm talking about? It was like a soft bun.

And now they have the fucking hard, shiny, brioche buns. Everything's got to be briosh. And this is frustrating because. it's one of those things where it gets conflated with just like the feeling of nostalgia of like, oh, I like this thing better because I had it when I was like 11 years old and I had no problems. We get yelled at about that all the time on the stupid fucking podcast. That's not the case with a degradation of quality of some of these chains.

So these places like actually were better previously. But they will, our listeners will just say that shit to us no matter what, you pieces of shit. And it's gotten worse. And that's gotten worse. In 2011 and now it's all we get to eat. And also the Wendy's fries,

we're good. when I was an adult and you, I said this to you. I said one, yellow Wendy's was better. I was old when I said this. I said this forever. Now look where we are. Listen to me more often, you piece of shit. What would be?

I'm right on a lot of shit. I am. I'm not dumb, damn it. I have brains. I walked by the original registry of historic places, Wendy's all the time. It is now an Indian restaurant. This is very good. Oh, nice.

That's great. I look mad for a minute. I'm mad at Wendy's, to be clear, and I'm mad at our listeners. Yeah, there's no Wendy's in downtown Columbus at all. There's none. Now that they closed the campus one, there's not one anywhere. There's not one. But there's nothing.

There's really only a McDonald's. Yeah, that's all I can think. But in Columbus, that's insane. First place of Wendy's. We were saying it. We warned, we warned you. We warned the listeners. And B-dubs.

the birthplace of aviation. Wow. We were in a war with North Carolina about that, but they were born in Ohio. The Wright brothers. The Wright brothers. But they did their thing in South Carolina. Like every white trash guy from Ohio, they go down to White South Carolina. Make a big mess of the place and go back.

I think that this place is fine, but pretty boring. And it would never be my first choice. And if we got the habit, I could find something on the menu that I liked. I think, again, the simpler, the better. All the sides I thought were good to fine. Nothing was objectionable. I genuinely like the temporal green beans. And I like the onion rings and everything else was kind of whatever, but nothing upset me.

The shakes were bad. Overall, I'm just like, why would I go here? But I also can't say there's anything too objectional about it. So I'm going to land in the handholding club with our guest and say two and a half force. Oh, wow. It's like hardies. you Carl's, but it's like, why would I go to fucking Hardy? Well, Carl's Jr.,

I used to love and has also gotten worse. He's got, he got his iPad. He's got, yeah. You used to talk about, you used to talk about the rodeo burger. As far as barbecue burgers go. Did it break? Did your thing break? Okay. We're fine. Just the cover. As far as barbecue burgers go,

it'll reattach. Um, I think that the Western Bacon Cheeseburger at Carl's Jr. Hardies, for a time was the best execution of that. Yeah, it just, we don't have any in our, like, I think there's one now. Right. There's a weird part of Columbus where there's a Ponderosa. There is a Blimpies and there is a Hardee's. Yeah. It's the only one in town. It's just in the same little area. I never go down there. But one day I'll go down there and try Hardee's again. But I remember having it when I was roofing. I think Hardee's is worse than Carl's Jr. and the same thing basically, but I do think Carl's Jr. has a notch above Hardee's. I believe it. I remember. You never reviewed Hardys, have we? like a proper.

Yeah, we haven't. It has a unified branded menu now, but I would love to go to an actual hardee's and see if it's, there's a tangible difference. I don't even fucking know where they are at this point. A lot of them has been rebranded as Carl's Jr. I believe it.

All right, it's time for a segment. We've got some one-star reviews to review. It's an unsatisfied yelper. These were compiled by Amelia. And Brian, these are all reviews of Columbus, Ohio burger restaurants. So I'm curious if any of these you've heard of.

First up, Preston's burger joint. You know Preston's? I do. I do. It's pretty good. I like it. Well, Kim H had a bad time there. Would not serve us without putting on a mask

when there were literally dozens of people walking by with no masks and there was plexiglass between us. Let's support business that let people make their own choices. So we did. Went on to another and got a great meal without anyone mentioning mask to us. I wonder where they went. I really do. Crappy fucking plate, Ponderosa.

What's Preston's like? Is there like a maskless burger? It's just smash burgers. It's not like super special. They weirdly opened one in the town I grew up in, which is like kind of a different area of town for like a family owned business. Like it's very, but it's pretty good. I mean, I don't get it that often. They don't have anything that like makes me really feel like I got to have it. But yeah, it's pretty good.

They got like some cool, they got some cool weird things too, like an Indian version of a burger or something like. But yeah, it's good. It's just not close to me, so I never get it. When was that review? It was from 2023. Okay. Yeah. Sounds like, just put the fucking mask.

Oh, whatever. Thurman Cafe. Is that too late to be? Where do you feel on that? I mean, to me, I'm like, put the mask on. Yeah, that's how I feel. Yeah, who cares? Yeah, who cares?

Thurman Cafe. You know Thurman Cafe. That's the, that is like the guy from Man versus Food went there. Yeah. They have a cheeseburger. called The Therminator that Arnold Schwarzenegger supposedly eats, but this thing's like fucking this big. It's like nobody eats it.

They do those, they do really thick burgers that are hard to eat. So I don't love it. I loved it when I was growing up because it was special. But when you go to, any time you go to a place where they put a fucking knife in the top of the burger or something like that, like where it's like this big, it's like, how am I fucking am I supposed to eat that? We talk about this with sandwiches too when they pack it with meat. and you're like, I don't need this much meat in the sandwich.

It just doesn't make fucking sense. And I have a gaping maw. I'm in the top 1% of mouth sizes. But even I don't like to have strain with all my force to, you know, get my lips around and then take a bite out of a burger. If you can't get a 1% or in many ways to get his mouth around a burger, then what the fuck are we doing? Yeah, it's good.

I think when you come to Columbus, Ohio, one of the places the concierge at the hotel will tell you to eat is thermants. I would not tell you. All right. So you mentioned Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. The Arnold Classic is held in Columbus, Ohio. I left the Sunday after it because I have to be in town for it because the guys are so big and they're taking huge craps and they're just a fucking menace, man.

It's awesome. It's so good. You go like all the rest. Should we do a retreat there next year? My sister is a chef. and she worked at one of the downtown restaurants, and, like, every year she'd be like, all right, we got to, like, they put somebody on the toilets.

Like, your job is toilets today. Because these guys are going to come in here and they're going to go crazy on that thing. And that's the, it's fat. And also. She really has a huge smile on her face. Because they're all eating, like, 200 grams of protein a day, you know. These guys are so fucking, you've never. been in a place with so many

humongous guys. It's like this Super Bowl of bodybuilding and it's just these huge guys taking huge crap. And going crazy. Like, I have the Citizen app and it kept popping up with stuff like of crazy things that were happening

over the weekend. And I'm just like, I'll never miss this. I will always be in town for the Arnold Classic. If I moved away, I would fly back to go to the Arnold. What's kind of thing you might see on the citizen app. Oh, I haven't. I think there was a woman, a woman's hair got lit on fire. I do remember that. Somebody went to the botanical garden with machetes and started chopping at trees.

No, I don't know if that had anything to do with the thing, but I saw that and I was like, that's a pretty wild fucking thing to do. It was like a body bundle move. Yeah. Okay. So it says man threatening people, man made threats to harm people at family dollar, a woman dancing in road, man with machetes reportedly chopping trees at Franklin Park Conservatory

and Botanical Gardens. And then they were report of women lit her hair on fire. Report of man banging hammer against sidewalk. It was just crazy. I don't know what's going on. I live like across the street street front. I didn't see any of this stuff. But I was just like, this. I love it.

It's just, it's chaotic. It's crazy. I downloaded the Citizen app when there was gunshots in my neighborhood. I heard one time. This is, this is back in, this is at Palmerston. Yeah. And so I downloaded to see like what the deal. But everyone was like, there's gunshots, but no one knew what it was. That's the other thing. It's like, no one knows what the fuck is going on. And then I use it for like stray animals more so. That's what I like a, I use it so that I can see guys banging hammers against the side. There's a guy. There's a guy on the street on the main drag out by my house that sits in a chair and tells everybody their hair looks like fun. fucking shit.

And he shows up every. And I love him so much. Somebody walks by from the suburbs or something that doesn't know. And he's like, your hair looks like shit. The best guy in town. Alan Kay of the Thurman Cafe writes, loud, cramped, rude. True. The staff is very short with you in terms of attention and give you the notion that

they are somehow doing you, the customer, a favor by allowing you to eat there. our food took too long and was not as good as expected. One of our burgers never came out and I just told the server to cancel it. I found the owner, Mike, and manager Victor, not much better. When I called to tell them of my experience, they thought their hand was firmly over the receiver. It wasn't. I heard them laugh and make fun of the fact that I wanted to bring my bad experience to their attention. These guys rule.

Someone was then heard saying, tell the idiot I'm not here. Wow, I guess you enjoy your popularity because this is how Thurman Cafe rolls. It won't last long. A far cry from what I remember going here as a teenager going here with my parents. It has lasted very long. I was going to say she went there as a teenager.

What was her name? This is Alan K. It's a him. I'm assuming it. I love that. I did that a few times when I worked in a call center. I thought I hit mute.

And I'm like, this guy's a fucking idiot. And you're like, what? Oh, I didn't know. I'm talking to some other guy here. I just love when someone's like review It was just of like detailing how they got absolutely dunked on. And like like a completely owned, someone pulled down their pants and everyone looked at their their big ass and they're like. And they're just like they're saying like, I want, I will never come back here.

And they will. That's like the theory is like they like I like people to do tests too where it's like they probably could have told somebody their burger didn't come out. But they're like, let's just see how long it takes for my food to come out. All right. I get one more from Bear Burger. This is the short north location. I eat there all the fucking time. Oh, there you go.

So that's that location. I live right by if you want to come and kill me. This is an extended, this is a bit of an extended exchange between Ronald and Amy C. and Bear Burger. Ronald Joseph M. Rie, your second undeleted response. A more likely scenario is that you made a childish butt hurt, nasty comment, and then either had a moment of clarity or urged to delete it by your better half partner or co-worker employee.

Now that you've been called out, you're trying to save face by declaring victim status. No one made any threats and no time was anyone's safety in jeopardy. The fact you'd have only accommodated a customer who received crappy service from your business, if they'd been more polite, speaks volumes as well. I didn't attack anyone unprovoked. You failed to provide us with satisfactory service on our dime and then acted like a baby when it was pointed out. I didn't owe you a bit of courtesy then, and I sure as shit, won't give it to you now. Your actions here, coupled with the garbage your establishment peddle the other night,

paints a very unflattering picture and it will only affect you. you, not me. I'm not going to war over this with you. With the posting of this, I'm done. You can have the last word, all caps, champ. Bear Burger responds to Ronald. Ron, you were correct, we did delete our last response to your review. The reason was we felt your threatening words would have put our staff's safety at risk. The bottom line is that if you would have called us, we could have made it right for you. We understand that it's frustrating to order food and not receive what you ordered. We do apologize. That being said, we admit that sometimes we fall short, but we will make it right when approached cordially.

Have a great day. Wow. And then Amy C. Wait, this is unrelated to the MEC one. Yeah, that's unrelated. Okay, okay, yeah. I think Bear Burger's pretty, it's a New York place. Yeah.

There's like one in Brooklyn. They handled that pretty well. I think so. I think the Bear Burger response was good. Amy C. writes, this is a separate one. I've never had such an awful experience at a restaurant. I waited for nearly an hour for a salad and fries only met with the most rude confrontational argumentative manager I have ever come across.

He approached me after the other bar staff disappeared. I voiced my frustration and question. where my food was. He can you to make excuses and be confrontational. He said he couldn't make the grill or kitchen work any faster. I pointed out it was a salad and it was actually his job to make this run more efficiently. I finally had my food delivered and had to leave because even asking the manager to stop talking to me and for him to just walk away, he would not. He said that I had to hear him. I was shaking and so triggered that I had to walk out and went out and cried from confrontation. No food is worth the abuse. Don't go here. Awful. I don't, I, you're not

kind of win in a review when you say I was triggered and I went outside and cried. I actually cried. This was such a bad thing. I went there recently and the service was a bit strange. Like there was a Christian. It's right across the street from the convention center. Okay, sure. So it's like a high, it can be a high traffic place.

There was like some Catholic convention going on. And it was really weird. They like made a stand by the door. There were plenty of tables and they were like, you're going to have to stand here for a while because we don't have enough people to. to clear the tables or something, which is, it's just weird to, like, have people just stand there and stare at almost all empty tables. But they ended up getting out there. And they added a smash burger to their menu.

So that makes me, like, I like that. But yeah, it's, it's a, Bear Burger is, like, one of those places that's, like, the ethical burger place. They have, like, vegan options. And, uh, the, they do, like, you know, bison burger or, uh, kangaroo. I don't think they do. kangaroo but I was just one I thought of like I know people do kangaroo burgers but yeah it's like like a ted's montana grill but for like like hipsters from like 2012 right i feel like if you just approach

if you just approach things with with an even temper look sometimes the restaurant is going to be bad and do a bad job that's just but like i feel like so many of these people just get so angry i know And it's, it's so much of it just seems on fucking on them. Yeah. It's always on that. And it's also like if you go into a review saying like, I'm not going to go to war with you. You're definitely going to go to war with. They're like at war with them.

Yeah, you are going at it right now. And it's just so like guys that write one star reviews are are just the maddest people in the world. Like I think my favorite one star reviews are like, I'm sitting here in the restaurant right now. and I'm waiting for my food and it's like, you're so mad. Like, just leave. Just keep a fucking walk out of the restaurant. Like, I,

because we read a lot of reviews, like on, on guys. And like, I love bad reviews. Yes. We found a couple of comedy guys who, who were big Yelp reviewer guys and they were psychos.

Yeah, and they left psycho reviews. It's really, two fucking absolute lintechs and their behavior completely tracked online with what, with what they did in real life. It's funny because you've probably heard this in the early days of guys, we did Yelp guys. And there was a guy that we found from Vancouver named Tony Kay.

And all of his reviews were like, they played the music. They playing loud rock music. And I hated it. And the water was too cold. And like, so he's giving these one-star reviews for things like the water. Yeah, the water is too cold. He was like, maybe you should try playing bland music. instead of loud rock music, which insults my senses.

So many people that write one-star reviews fundamentally don't even understand what a review is. Like what the job is of the review. They're just like, a guy made me mad and I have to punish him. Is there any one-star reviews for Pete Holmes brain juice? No, it's all five stars. Oh, all right. All right, no mind. Come is good.

But to be a pineapple. That was an unsatisfied yelper, just like a restaurant. right about your feedback. Let's up with a feedback. Today's email is from Brandt. Brandt writes, I was at the Portland show at the Aladdin Theater and I had a great time, so thank you for that. It was a fun show. It was a fun crowd. I thought you would want to know that I have gone to dozens of shows at the Aladdin and when going to the men's bathroom, I have never, and I mean never seen anyone take a shit in the stalls except for your show. Average Do Boys listeners. Anyway, I was listening to Fart Guys episode of Guys.

And it made me wonder, what foods would you eat if you had to make content, of you ripping huge heinous farts. Now I like the fart guys episode. It was one of the most controversial episodes. What was the controversy? A lot of people don't like listening to people fart. Yeah, I mean, it didn't bother me, but also I felt like it was like a relatively, especially because you kind of weren't doing the fart fetishes.

You were doing guys who thought farts were funny. I thought that was like, it was kind of weirdly an oddly wholesome episode in some way. I'll say that the fartologist is the most divisive one of our guys. because like when we stream we wait until the end of the stream there'll be 750 people watching the stream and then we'll be like all right we're going to do the fartologist and it goes down to like 3 350 because this guy is just this British guy who like tells you what he ate and then he said he'll be like Indian food all night fart hotel fart fest and he'll just lay in a hotel and he'll put his leg up like this so you can see his like leg and he farts and then he's

puts the camera on his face and he goes oh yeah and he's the funniest man in the world has a his you see his girlfriend it's ridiculous he like he's like a one-tooth old British guy and he's dating like this

like gymnast from Prague and we thought it was fake and it turns out people independently verified that it's actually true and his uh his actual real job is reviewing Hotels for Hotels.com.

So he gets the free hotel and he does the review but also gets content out of it by sitting in an hotel room or recording all of his farts all night. Right. I mean, even the fact that he's going to hotel room and he's going to do this in isolation is kind of like, hey, you know

what? Well, I hate to tell you, because there's also the public fart section of his thing where he farts on airplanes loudly and... Oh, I hate, I know. I don't. That I would not like as much. I wish he wouldn't do. Chris and I always like, I wish he wouldn't do the public farts.

The public fart, I just don't want to smell shit. That's the only thing. I never, like, on an airplane specifically. I was just, I just flew back and there was someone, when they were coming on the airplane, someone ripped asses. I got a fart on a, yeah. I know sometimes people just fart or whatever, but like. You can go to the bathroom.

He goes loud. He, like, has loud ones. And they're hard to hear on a plane, so he's going to really. Right. Well, that's why people feel the liberty to, fart. They were just like, oh, well, that sound of my fart will be deadened by the jet engine. And guess what? When you do that shit, you know who gets blamed for it? The guys like us, me, us.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, he, he's really something. Cut the shit. But, but yeah. You blaming me? Yeah, don't fire on planes. I've been farting on planes. I don't do that. All right. I mean, we did do fart fetish guys for like the last 15 minutes of it. And that was a little bit disturbing. I found that like, it's the sad thing that's happened to our slash farts since we did that episode. It's now like a lot of models and stuff are on there, like OnlyFans models and stuff. And it used to be the rule

no sex farting. Like no, no like, you know, but now they're allowing. Now it's not just big fat guys with dreadlocks farting, which is what I like to see. It wasn't there for the sex fart. So it's kind of messed up.

But yeah, that episode and feet guys are the two where people are kind of like and milk guys. It's the world is just getting It's getting more perverted It's perverse I it's about the D-Train I like

What I remember about the fart fetish section is Was there a guy who got Like he liked his girlfriend To like fart in his face or something like that He liked to lay his head on her butt That's what it was Like he'd tell her what to eat

And then he could lay his head on her butt And she would just sit there And fart in his face all night And it's like hey listen man If that makes you happy But I can't imagine I like can't even Put myself in your position

at all. I can't put myself on either side of that transaction. But if they're just like, hey, this works for us, God bless. Yeah, they're happy. Good for them. Was the question is what we would eat to make ourselves far? Yeah, and I will say, I think I'm going to borrow something that Brian brought up earlier, which is like a milkshake. There's something about like a big, like full, like full fat milkshake.

Yeah, milky, milky stuff. Like a fucking, like a hearty vanilla shake. Oh, yeah. From like in and out burger. Yeah. That would just like make me fart up a store. dorm. That is like what does it for me. And if I had to pick like, I think the way I eat anything will make me for it because I just shove it in so fast that a bunch of air goes in with

like, but, uh, I can't think of a. That's funny to think of that you're swalling too much air. I always think that. It's a, I mean, I think drinking a bunch of like really carbonated beer would do it for me or like, or like, or root beer. Like, and I'm not talking like a Guinness. I'm talking like a like a nitrogenated one, like a super carbonated beer. A day of drinking a lot of like beer and then also like eating shit the day before. Well, that will get you farty. Yeah. I love Mexican food, but like big plates of Mexican food would just be like, yeah, there's

just so many. What sort of fucking freak question is this? All the cheese and beans. This sounds like a far-fetched guy. I guess that would be. Yeah, sure. Because I eat chili cheese burritos at Taco Bell and that really wrecks everything for the rest of the night. they're good they're the best thing Taco Bell ever made

speaking of which by the way I gotta do something a little more than fart he's got to take it crap I got I got I got we gotta we gotta we gotta we gotta we gotta we gotta we gotta we gotta get in the bathroom and jack off Amelia go get the fan ready alright if you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurant cheating unless at Feedbag at birdfug dot com

or leaves his voicemail 830 godo that's 830 466884 our producer is amelia merino our video editors Mike Dorfman. We get Do Boys merch at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. And Emma, we have some live shows coming up, including in Florida. Yeah, we're going to Florida the next week. The first and the second will be in Orlando and then Tampa. And then we're going to North Carolina.

We got two different North Carolina dates, and we just added a second Atlanta date. So there's more tickets for Atlanta. We're also if you're in California, we are doing some California area shows. We're doing Irvine at the end of April, and we're also doing San Jose. So we'll be up north a little bit. Not just in L.A. and San Francisco for a while. So there you. What the fuck are we doing?

Dear Lord. I mean, yeah, hell yeah. We're seeing the country. Kind of, a little bit. Jimmy's ready. So check all that out. And a lot of those live shows, if you want to hear them recorded,

are available at the Do Boys double, our weekly bonus episode. Plus, there's our entire back catalog is there. Subscribe at patreon.com slash Doe Boys. Brian Quinby. It's so great to have you. I'm such a fan of guys. It's so amazing what you and Chris James built.

Congratulations on the, on the show success and it continuing to grow. Go ahead and please plug away. Just guys podcast. If you search guys podcast, it'll come up. And the patreon.com slash guys podcast is guys plus where you get. So guys is one specific type of guy every, a different one every week. Guys Plus is all those guys from the past can come back for that episode.

So I get to dip back into like fart guys and we do a lot of rant guys on there. You're still streaming that, yes? We stream on, uh, actually. Because I told you, I got kicked off of Twitch because of my name, Murder Brian. They were like, ah, we might kill some, but I don't even know. So it's not, my, my, uh, Uber name was the top dog. And then someone, they, that's not even a thread.

That's not even a threat. It was, uh, yeah, it was Murder Brian. They kicked me off. So it is not even a show. Twitch.tv slash not even a show. Chris's old show. Yeah. It's just we go on there every Sunday night at 8 o'clock

and we watch a bunch of losers on YouTube. But they're like the kind of losers. It feels really good to be mean to. I was just listening to front of the show, Jordan Morris was just on guys talking toy guys. I was on it fairly recently talking smart guys. Mitch and I have been on it together, the early going talking hot sauce guys.

And you go all the way back to the smart guys. Yeah. I didn't book up. I think of him as a smart guy. He said hypotenuse earlier. Yeah, whatever that bullshit was. We're going to punch him in that. I brought the brain juice.

I was ready to go. Check out. If a dog voice fade out with just the sound of mean your, immune, mean your fists hitting Wigar's head. Because they said apparently, what was it was apparently? I'll never forget getting yelled at for that for that. Thanks so much for coming out here,

Brian, while you're in L.A. and please enjoy the rest of the city. Thank you. And hey. And stay safe, Commissioner Susser, please. Stay safe, Commissioner Susser. We're worried about you.

And the Dodeak knock off the nonsense. It wasn't a bit. We really... It really happened. The finale's really been pushed. Until April. That'll do it for this episode of D'O Boys. Until next time, for the spoon to my Mitchell.

I'm Tiger Wire. Happy eating. See ya. Hey, everyone. This is Natalie. And this is Charlie. We're from the podcast Exploration Live. It's really fun.

It's really good. It's really, really very good. And now we have a YouTube channel to go with it. That's exactly right, Natalie. You can watch full video episodes of our podcast, Exploration Live, at YouTube.com slash Exploration Live podcast. That means that in addition to the audio component, you're also getting a video component. Exactly.

Where you're seeing our reactions, what kind of clothes we're wearing. You know, and there's a whole suite of dynamics and physical expressions. that you can really only get from a full video. Body language experts to the front. Exactly. So come check out Experson Live, either audio or video. That was a hate gum podcast.