Doughboys - Hooters with Kulap Vilaysack

Episode Date: December 1, 2016

Host of Who Charted? and creator of Seeso's Bajillion Dollar Properties Kulap Vilaysack joins to review Hooters, the original "breastaurant" that prides itself on wings. Kulap discusses growing up in the restaurant industry and working at PF Chang's as an adult. Plus, a deeply unpleasant taste test awaits in a new iteration of The Leftovers.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Assembly Line, an innovation that transformed commerce, generally credited to Henry Ford, who indeed created the moving version to manufacture his company's Model T. But its precursor, the Static Assembly Line, was the invention of ransom Eli Olds, the founder of Oldsmobile. In 1926, Olds, flushed with cash from his pioneering automotive brand, began operating the new Fort Harrison Hotel in Clearwater, Florida. Arriving in its time, the hotel was decrepit by the 70s, and in 1975 was acquired by the innocuous-sounding Southern Land Development and Leasing Corp. This company turned out to be a front for Elron Hubbard's Church of Scientology, and

so Olds Hotel became Flagland Base, the spiritual headquarters of the most controversial modern religious movement. But it's not the only controversial organization headquartered in Clearwater, Florida. In 1983, a half-dozen businessman and restaurant industry neo-fights opened an eatery centered on a concept mostly foreign to food service, sex appeal. The restaurant slung its signature wings, but its real attraction was breasts, and not the chicken variety, but rather the buxom-young waitresses and tight tops and shortshorts who transparently flirted with male customers.

The calendar model staff attracted throngs of horn-grey men, as well as accusations of sexism, including the legal variety, when aspiring male employees later sued for hiring discrimination. Today, the original restaurant boasts over 400 worldwide locations, as well as its own hotel in Las Vegas. This week on Doe Boys, Hooters. Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. We're part of Ferrellaudio.com.

I'm Nick Weigar, alongside my co-host, Chris Pratt, who went the opposite way after Parks and Recreation, Mike Mitchell, The Spoon Man. That one was courtesy of...that roast was courtesy of At Nights of Wren, R-H-E-N. If you have a roast you'd like me to use on Mitch at the top of the show, roastspoonmanatgmail.com. Oh, it was from A Night of Wren? Yeah, it was also an episode seven reference, so that's a double twist on the knife on you. No, no, fuck that guy. I just want to say, uh, to Spoon Nation, and I got a drop.

I think this one's been played. Oh, you think a drop you're playing right now has previously been played on the show, Mitch? There's no precedent for that. Oh, no, there's no. Oh, it was fun at the end. Yeah, that was great. Got a little Seinfeld slap bass.

Well, I hope everyone, uh, hey, I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. A little turkey go. We're recording this the Monday before Thanksgiving. I feel like we, we made an effort last time. I tried to make an effort. Hold on a second. I was trying not to date it, but okay. Yeah, well, I was just going to say, I think like this is, I think we saw the hubristic outcome.

No, you saw the hubristic outcome because you yelled at me, and then you get, you gave a big, long Hillary speech, and then you yelled at me. I did give a big, long Hillary speech. I had one reference to Hillary Clinton winning the presidency because we recorded that episode with me, uh, the church's chicken episode, which was our last episode. We'd recorded that prior to the election. And then I wrote, I had a little assumption that Hillary was going to win as all polls indicated.

And then obviously we know what happened. And so then that was, but also in that episode, I had yelled at you because you had referenced the Cubs just winning the World Series, which ended up being less of a, less of a thing that would indicate that it was when it was recorded. Yeah, that's right. You fucked up. I did fuck up. I will, I will own this one.

You know what? I will say like, from this election, at least maybe you've realized that you're dumb. And I might be a little bit as smart, if not smarter than you. This is real. Like we're in the, the dumb ascendancy right now. Like this is the end, the end of, of intellectual reign. You know, we had kind of like, we had eight years of Barack Obama, a very intelligent college professor, sort of running the United States.

And now we're going, we're the pendulum swinging hard in the opposite direction. The, the Mitch types are now in charge. I'm a leftist, baby. You are a leftist. I'll give you a, you are a leftist. You are someone who's- I'm probably more left than you are. I don't think you're more left than me.

Oh, for sure. You think so? I think I'm more, we're gonna have a left off. That's what everyone wants to hear. Like at the point, now, now this is coming out basically a month after the election. This will be our first episode in December, right after Thanksgiving. I'm sure at this point everyone just wants more politics after they've been immersed in the entire, all of Thanksgiving with their shitty families.

Hey, keep, you know what? Keep fighting the good fight. That's all they're gonna say. Right. You know what? Everyone, listen, there's some terrible people that are racist and they're awful and they're gonna vote for Donald Trump no matter what. But let's try to get along.

Can't we all just get along as our good friend, what's his name, Rodney King said? Yeah, that was, I think that was Rodney King. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Rodney King. We should all get along and talk to each other. Yelling at each other doesn't solve any problems, right? You know, I read a, years ago, this was like one of the first things, I think this was the first thing I ever was associated with that was made. I wrote a short film that my friend, who I've completely lost touch with, Ritmissi directed

and it was a thing that was just a, it was like basically like a 10 minute sketch. Bass Grating is a short film about the, like this guy who was the Incredible Hulk but he's like a shitty Incredible Hulk. I was called Incredible. Saw the Ben. Yeah, it was bad, whatever. But anyway, the, so Rit directed this and he was also a camera operator on a documentary about the LA riots.

And so just coincidentally was at Rodney King's house. Oh man. And was like hanging out with Rodney King and there was, you know, Rodney King was telling these incredible stories about being beaten into, you know, he had been beaten so bad that they pulled the sheet over his head as if he had died and he like blew the sheet off with his breath to indicate that he was still alive. Yeah. So he was telling these like horrific nightmarish stories about a police abuse but also in the

course of it, Rit showed, my friend Rit showed the short film that we'd made to Rodney King and he liked it. Oh cool. What a story. Rodney King. That's my seven, my six degrees of separation from Rodney King. Well, recent piece of Rodney King and yeah, the rising tide of, rising tides of yelling and hatred.

I mean, and I know that there are some people who you can't change their mind, but you know what I mean? Spoon Man is a pacifist. I don't know if people know that about me. Who better than you to heal our nation at this time? Shut up. I'm gonna fucking kick your ass. Forget the pacifist stuff.

Also, I hope none of your turkeys were dry. Right. I hope when you cut into that turkey, it was all liquid, baby. You don't want a fully liquid turkey. You wanna have some structural composition? No, I hope it was all liquid. And now it's Santa season. Are you excited?

Yeah, I'm excited for Santa season. Why wouldn't I be? Christmas is great. I'm fine with Christmas starting early even. I'm fine with giving me the Starbucks cups, giving me the music playing in November. All that stuff's fine. I hear you write to Santa every year asking for his naughty children's list. All right.

Let's introduce our guest. He's Crater and executive producer of a jillion-dollar properties on CISO. And host of the podcast, Who Chartered, our friend, Coolop Velisucks here. Hi, Coolop. Hi, guys. Welcome to the show. I am so thrilled to be here. We're thrilled to have you.

You're standing. I decided to stand. Our guests usually, we have these high stools, which our producer Dustin has told us is for acoustic reasons. It's good for the mic to be in the center of the room, I guess, vertically. Before Dylan went electric, it would have been a good room for him to record it. Right. Yeah, exactly.

Or maybe not. I don't think this is music. I don't think this is used for music. Is it? I don't know. Maybe. Is this, is this studio ever used for music? Can you give us a thought?

It is sometimes. Okay. All right. There we are. Is podcast music? Yeah. Yes. Is podcast music?

In a sense, aren't podcast music. One, someday, you know, in the future, you're going to ask a kid, what's your favorite song? And they're going to say, Doe Boy's Hooters episode. And that kid's going to get his ass kicked. Yeah. I decided to stand. I'm not great in stools.

Right. I don't know how to compose myself on a stool. Is it like, because it's, I asked you a little bit before we started, is it a leg length issue? Like, what is it exactly? You're not like a short person. I think it's a leg length issue. And then also, I don't love crossing my legs.

Right. And I feel like I'm just like splayed out there, you know what I mean? Yeah. I got you. Stools are also like hard. You know, all this talk about stool softener. How about you put that into a powder form, you can pour it on a stool itself and soften it up.

Oh boy. What the fuck are you talking about? I get it. I get it now. I've been friends with this man for years, but like, I get it. I get where you're coming from, Nick. I get where those burns are from. I get it.

There was no talk about stool softener. What's our engineer's name again today? Matt. Matt. Matt is a great guy. He's filling in for Dustin today. And he was nodding right along with me when I was going on my stool softener. Right.

Spoon man's taking a bite out of stools. They're uncomfortable. Jesus. Can you pick a more disgusting thing to say? Taking a bite out of stools? Spoon man's taking a bite out of stools. Stools are, they're hard to sit on. Yeah.

Stool softener should be used on actual stools, I say. Yeah. Yeah. You said it again. We've got, these aren't really, like these aren't traditional stools. They've got like a back and they're padded. These aren't like super hard stools. They're just a little awkward height-wise.

You're not sure where to put, because they've got a little rung to put your feet off. I don't know what is happening. I think this is like the other night I had a dream that we were going to have Gene Hackman on the podcast. You dream about the podcast? I was stressing out about, oh fuck, Gene Hackman's going to be on the podcast. What am I going to ask him? And like, you know, I can-

Superman questions. Yeah, yeah, Superman questions about the package under 80s action movie. But- This is what makes you toss and turn in your bed at night. No, but I'm saying like this is as surreal as that, like this is like, perhaps I'm dreaming now. Perhaps this is a dream about what the podcast, like how the podcast is occupying my mind. Those are your last words when they strap you into the electric chair.

Perhaps I'm dreaming now. But any recollection of what Jane restaurant for the episode with Gene Hackman? No, and you know what? I think that, I think part of why it was in my head is that Gene Hackman was on an episode of diners, drive-ins and dives. What? Yeah, there's like a very, I think it's like his last role on camera is that he's not, he's still with us, but he's retired, but he's like, Guy Fieri goes to a random Pennsylvania

diner and gets scrapple and Gene Hackman just happens to be there and they just banter a little bit. Oh my God. That's amazing. It's like a Gene Hackman restaurant to review with Hackman. Mmm. Norms? Norms is a great choice.

Norms is good. SoCal Diner Chain. Yeah, I feel like he's a Norms patron. He certainly fits the profile. Yeah. All right, cool up. Yes, here I am. So, we're going to talk about Hooters, but I am curious a little bit because you have

in your background some chain restaurant industry experience, you worked at P.F. Chang. Am I correct on that? That's right. I worked in one of the studios at the downtown Burbank. Oh, you worked at that one? Yeah. Oh, damn.

Even though I grew up in a restaurant, had extensive waiter experience underage, they still made me start as a bus boy. But I think my answer was in what I just said. Oh, no, I was a food runner before they let me be a server. Okay. I'm a food runner. Not taking the dirty dishes, taking the full dishes. Yeah, that's true.

So, okay, let's get to P.F. Chang's in one second, but let's back it up. So, you worked in the, you grew up in a restaurant, you grew up in the restaurant industry. Diamond Thai in Minneapolis. Okay. My mom's restaurant. Oh, yeah. We're not Thai, we're Lao, but she had a restaurant, a Thai restaurant.

Thai food is adjacent enough to lotion food? Yeah, it's like fancy Lao food. Okay. I want to try your mom's food. Okay. It's going to happen. Yeah, it will happen. She's an amazing cook.

You heard it here first. Mitch wants to eat something. Fuck off. Hey, make sure Wyger doesn't get in on this. I'm trying to remember, like, there was such a good burn, like I was on a plane and I was laughing so hard. It's something about Hodor. Do you guys remember this?

It was a burn on Mitch. It was about Hodor. Oh, yeah. Hodor. Yeah. That's what, yeah. Yeah, that was the one. You hear that?

All you people who submit stuff, I remember them the most. That was like, Wyre, what are you laughing at? And I was just cackling, listening to the podcast on a plane. Hey, I'll take it. Hodor's got that big old Hodor of his own. He's got a big old dick. Yeah, he's got a big dick. Do you watch Game of Thrones?

Yeah, I sure do. Yeah. There is one full frontal scene. I don't know if it was computer enhanced at all, but he's got a big old dunger. That you also wore out your DVR. Does Time Warner get mad at you when you return your DVRs? I have Direct TV. Direct TV, yes, which I told you to get.

Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's good service. So, it'd be interesting. They do enhance the wolves, the dire wolves, and then also possibly Hodor's penis. Oh, I think for sure. There was no way that was, I mean, not that I could imagine. I don't think that's human.

It's possible, coincidentally, that the actor just also had a huge dick, and he's a very big guy. Yeah, but that's not a computer generator. But also, the script was reliant on him having a notably big dick that the actress could make a comment about. Like, I think she said something like, he's got a little bit of the giant in him. I remember we did a birthday boy sketch where we come out naked, you know, with the ropes and underwear on.

Yeah. And they... You and Hanford. Hanford and I were naked all day, and it was the hottest. It was disgusting. It was when we were filming the pilot, and it was like, what is it, the city of industry? That's like south of LA. It smells like...

Yeah, an industrial LA neighborhood adjacent to downtown. So there's like a dog food factory or something, right? Because it smells like dog food, like it's a very, it's a very, it's for real a city of industry. There used to be slaughterhouses there, and I don't know if there still are, but there might be meat packing or meat distribution plants. For sure, yeah. And we were...

It's definitely a lot of manufacturing places. Yeah, yes, yeah. And we were in this little place, and we were naked, and we had our shoes off, and it was like 100... It was like 115 degrees, it was like the hottest day, and they gave us... They gave us... What are they called? Because all I can think of is...

Cock socks. Cock socks, but there's... They haven't known another name for them. Movie panties? Movie panties, but I just had this... I remember I just had this cock sock on, and was like holding on for dear life because it was going to like fall off, and all the executives visited the set that day. It probably would have helped us, because they would have thought one of the birthday

boys was a female. It's a very funny sketch, and it was worth your humiliation, too. Yeah, it was just a day of being naked and sweating, and then seeing executives and being like, hi! Yeah. And there was a dead bird in this big garage, and it was fucking awful. Sacrificing for your art, man. I don't like being naked.

Who does? I'm proud of you that you did it. I wouldn't do that. Right, yeah. That sounds like a nightmare to me. Yeah, it was bad. It was bad. Well, at least 30 people saw it.

No, come on. Much more. Much more. 60. If you're out there uncomfortable being naked, hashtag nude prude. And if you like being naked, hashtag naked and unafraid. Oh my God. Why, Gordy, are you a nude prude, or are you naked and unafraid?

I'm more on the nude prude side. Yeah, I think like I'm not, but you know, also like in like a locker room, I'm not like someone strutting around out and proud, but I'm not like uncomfortable being naked in a locker room. And at home, of course. Yeah, at home, that's fine. Anything goes. Yeah.

But like in camera, oh no. I got kittens. Yeah, camera, no. I got cats. They don't want to see me walking around naked. Were you, did you take a shower when you were in the locker room when you were younger? We never had to do that in like, I never played organized sports. I was in PE, general PE, and we never had mandatory showers.

No one showered in PE. When I got to school, no one really showered either. But then we would have, we had PE, so like you would like walk around and feel gross. Right, and you'd just be sweaty the rest of the day. Yeah, yeah, it sucked. That was weird. It's kind of like how it is now for me. Let's get back to PF Changs.

Of course. So what was it beyond, so you were running food there, what was your work experience like there in general? Did you have a good time? How long were you there? I think I was there for, I think at least a year. Okay. I remember feeling like, like a lot of the people who worked there hung out with each

other. Oh, sure. A lot. And then if you don't do that year, like they were like, oh. Kind of felt like, and for some reason my goal was to be a server, I thought that's where the money was. And I was like, I feel like this is like getting in my way. But like they would have like, they had softball too, like they would, they would be, they

play softball together, like in a league. Okay. Inside the restaurant? Not inside. Not inside the restaurant. But afterwards in a park somewhere here in Burbank, I think. Right. And I remember feeling like, oh, this feels like high school a little bit.

But I became a server, tips did not improve, Burbank, not big tippers. Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah. That PF Changs in Burbank is like a restaurant, I've never been in that PF Changs. But I know it. Sure. Like it's a weirdly prominent PF Changs, because it's like on, like the road kind of turns. You know what I mean?

It's like a straight road. It tees up, yeah. And the PF Changs is kind of like sticking out a little bit or something. Yeah, with their faux clay horses and Chinese figures. Right. You talked to me about that. Yeah. The PF Changs, they're just full of shit, right?

I will say the food is very good. The food is good. Yeah, I like PF Changs. Like it's prepared well. It just was kind of like, I felt like the management was weird. I think all, and this may be for all restaurants where it just feels like the manager was like all about being people's friends and definitely had favorites. Okay.

And those people got the best shifts and et cetera, et cetera, that kind of thing. Yeah. I like PF Changs. I think it was, I could be wrong here, but I think it was founded by white people in Arizona. So, it's not like authentic, but I think it's... I thought Philip was Asian. Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe one of them was Asian. Yeah. They're not all Asian for sure. Right. And I was like, I felt like I was the only Asian person that worked there. Right. I could be wrong.

That was my memory. But I like it. It's like a good, it's a good parent's place. Parents like PF Changs, right? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like the quality of it is like, it's one of those ones that's consistent across the country, which we've talked about on this show, which is important.

Right. It's one of my dad's work building in Boston downstairs. It's good. I'm glad when they stopped, they stopped making us make special sauce at the table, which was like, kind of like a waste, and it's not as impressive as guacamole or anything like that. Right. You're just like mixing three condiments.

Yeah. You know? And like, as if you're doing sub, basically what it was was, I think it was soy sauce, mustard, and chili paste. I think that's what it was. And so you'd bring the three sauces together and you go, hey, I'm going to mix the sauce for you. You can dip it on whatever you do, like it hot, mild, or spicy.

And then it would just be like this teaspoon, you know, you'd increase it by how, you know, and then you just like mix it. It's like, I did that. Now, what would you like to drink? But it just was superfluous. Right. Yeah. I mean like.

That's not particularly impressive. No, not at all. It's like, you know, you're putting mayonnaise and ketchup together and then spreading it on a burger bun table side. Yeah, that's exactly right. It's like, who are you? You're trying to fool. Yes.

I do like that table side guacamole now. Oh, yes, please. Anytime. That's a lot of fun. I like guac anytime. I think they should bring it back. No, you do. No, I've, you know what, that's, now here's a good question for our listeners.

Table side shows. Do you like, you know what I mean? You like the shows? Do you like the Benihana? Sort of the Benihana? Sort of the Benihana? Tepanyaki Grill, where you're seeing, where we're getting, where dinner is the show? Is that the kind of thing?

That's right. Do you fancy that? Or Lowry's? I went to Tamo Shanter. Oh, yeah. And not there, but at Lowry's, they do the spinning salad bowl. Spinning salad's a lot of fun. Yeah, that's fun.

I love that. And the table side carving they do of that prime rib is great. That's fun. They brought over, last time I went to Lowry's with my in-laws and the guy came over, the table side carver, and he was, they said like, this is our master carver, I don't remember what his name was, but he had like a metal around his neck, like a big gold metal. That's fucking boss. That's some guy who's like got like some certification as a carver, and he's got some award to show

for it. I really liked it. Seems like you're getting the way of carving, though. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't that big. He's a master, though. That's true. You need him. Yeah.

Yeah, get in our way. Like this guy? Right. That's awesome. If you like, if you like a little table side show, hashtag it's Showtime. And if you don't, hashtag BeetlejuiceBeetlejuiceBeetlejuice. He's gonna tip over. What on earth?

He's gonna tip over. Beetlejuice says it's Showtime. Okay. And then if you don't like it, you say BeetlejuiceBeetlejuiceBeetlejuice, you send them away. To banish him. I got you. My baby was insane. It was so confused.

It's awesome. I can't have fun on this podcast ever. You're using this music stand like it's a crutch, actually a crutch. It's new. I mean, it's never been here before. I'm confused by it. You're laying on this music stand, which is designed to support like maybe five, eight and a half by 11 sheets of paper, and you're putting like all of your body weight on it

like an arm rest. What's wrong with that? It's fine. You can do it too if you want. I've got my pure leaf tea on it. I got my phone. I got my Altoids. It's doing enough already.

It's like every other dough boys. You're boring set up. I switch it up. That's why the people love me, baby. Spoon nation. What's up? What's up? All right, so you're from Minnesota.

Any Minnesota eats that people are like anything from the frozen Midwest that we miss out here? Juicy Lucy or? Juicy Lucy, cheese curds. Okay. Yeah, cheese curds are real good. The Minnesota State Fair is a nation renowned with your various fair type foods, probably all deep fried. Let's see.

What else? What other Minnesotan foods? You said Juicy Lucy. Is there another Juicy Lucy? Is there another name for it or like another Juicy Lucy or? I don't think so. And for people who don't know it's burgers, there's cheese stuffed into it. So it's all gooey and tasty.

I had my first one at an airport, which is not exciting on an LA over. And I bit into it. All the cheese inside of it exploded onto my Celtic sweatshirt. Oh no. I look like a big fat slob with cheese all over myself. It was a bummer. Which, oh, it was a sweatshirt, it wasn't for a particular player. Gotcha.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's your favorite Celtic? Of all time? Yeah. I mean, Paul Pierce is way up there. Right. You gotta love Larry Bird. Larry Legend.

Yeah. Who else? You want me to go deep cut? No, you don't have to go deep cut. I was just curious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul Pierce is a good pick. He's bought my heart for Antoine Walker for crying out loud.

Oh yeah, Antoine Walker. I mean, he kind of flamed out a little bit and went bankrupt, but he had a good career. Ricky Davis was one of my favorites for a while. Right. I mean, like, I missed like, I mean, I watched Larry Bird and Kevin McHale and like, I saw all those guys, but I was young, you know what I mean? Right. Like what, 10 years old when Bird retired or something?

Yeah. That's what I mean. His heyday was in the 80s. When did he retire? 1990? It would have been, I think it was the early 90s because he played in the Dream Team and I don't, that was 92 and I don't think he was yet retired. I think he retired in 1993.

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, he was at the tail end of his career. Yeah. But certainly a storied, a storied legend, even as a Lakers fan, I can concede the greatness of Larry Bird and Paul Pierce. Parrish. A lot of great players.

Oh, Parrish was great. I mean, also the king himself, now I just forgot his name because I'm an idiot. Bill Russell. Yeah. His nickname's not the king, I don't think. No, I'm not saying, I wasn't trying to give him the nickname. Okay. I'm saying.

I'm thinking of Martin Luther. People have heard of Martin Luther. They call him the king. They call him the king himself. Yeah, they do. The king of soul. Martin Luther, the king of soul. Yeah, I'm pretty sure of that.

Cool up. Were you a T-Wolfs fan at all? Any basketball fandom in your history? When I was a kid, when I was, because I would do the family launch, I would do the family laundry, and I would just watch games, North Stars, or the North Stars. Hockey. Right. Hockey, and then T-Wolves.

Would you throw the clothes in the basket, like a basketball? Yeah, it'd fade back. And then I have to redo it because, you know, I had folded it and stuff. So, I stopped watching sports. I mean, I like to go, I recently went to my first Clippers game maybe two weeks ago, which was great. I went with that, June Day and Rayfield, that was really fun. I like going to sea games, but I'm not up on anything right now.

Right. Yeah. I mean, I think going to a live sporting event is great. It's always fun. Mm-hmm. Even if you're unclear on the rules, even if you don't know who the players are, it's just fun to be around revelry. I got a lot of response, people saying that they knew what I was talking about with hockey

rink pizza. Yeah, I did not know it was a thing, but I believe you. It's a, like, hockey rink pizza is just very good. Really? Yeah, it's very good. Well, I finally tasted that chicken sandwich at Staples, and it is great. Oh, yeah. What is that?

Is it Ludo? Ludo? Yeah. I like that Ludo bird. I do. I'm going to say Staple Center is like, because they also have a B.S. Takaria, right? They have like a...

They have, I haven't tried their B.S. Takaria outlet. I hear it's not, B.S. Takaria is a great restaurant. There's also Broken Spanish, which is their slightly higher end variant, although they're both very nice and downtown LA. They're both great. And they have a B.S.

Takaria now in the Staples Center. But my understanding is it's not as... It's not up to par. I've heard that the Staples version is not as good. It's not as good, but it's still decent. Still okay? Staple Center is like, it's crazy how much good food is now in the Staple Center. I think they got some good options there.

Yeah. All right, so let's dig into Hooters a little bit. Sure. You know, certainly very much in the sports realm, speaking of it, I think the, you know, lots of people taking sports there, although perhaps when we touched on this a little bit that we were dining in today, perhaps Buffalo Wild Wings is eating a little bit of that market share at this point. But Kulop, why did you want to discuss Hooters today?

Are you sure? Let's see here. Growing up in Minnesota, when the Mall of America opened, I think that was like 93, 94. I'd heard tales of a Hooters, but it wasn't until Mall of America opened and it was on the top floor, I think the fourth floor. Right. That it became like, oh, wow, there's like a Hooters, oh my God, boobs. And so it was just, it used to be something like as a younger person's like titillating

to be there, like, oh my God. And then as I got older, it just kind of became sort of an ironic thing to go to while and while I enjoyed the wings. So I've had like group, group dinners there. I know my husband's got a increment and he had a birthday there once and we bought him a t-shirt and everybody signed it. And I had a tradition. I used to go to the San Diego Comic Con once a year, I think I went, I went like 13 years

in a row and an old tradition was to go to the Hooters there at least one lunch with Scott and Brian Posey and Jerry Doug and sometimes Doug Benson. So there's always just been this kind of like fun, silly aspect to it. It's funny to say that you're going to Hooters. And I just thought it was like perfect to go with you guys. It's a great choice. I'd never been. I will say, I wonder how much of their patronage is ironic because I think that I think probably

there, today it felt like every customer in there was for an ironic reasons. And I feel like, but then again, we were recording this on a Monday. We went 11 a.m. I feel like the weekday, the early lunch Hooters crowd on a weekday is really cool. I've tried the door and it was locked. Right. I touched, it was, it was almost when it couldn't open. It was almost like it was on fire, like I just felt immediate shame.

It just felt really weird. And then at like 11.03, the door opened and like me and this like real confidence, like solo dude walked in and you guys weren't there yet. I was like, what am I doing? I got to go back outside. And then like three minutes after that, they started blaring nineties, pop punk. And I was like, okay, where are you guys? Right.

There's, yeah, there's, there's, uh, I've never experienced a tired Hooters girl before until today, which is a very funny, like she is like, hey, how are you guys doing? I was like, oh man, we are here far too early. Uh, and, but there, I honestly thought there would no, there would be no one there the entire time we were there. And there were, there were a few tables that had people at them. I'd like a. Definitely.

I'd say including us 15 people. Yeah. It seemed like it. Yeah. All dudes. I was the only gal. All dudes. And well, that was another comment you made too of, of your like, oh, this place has aged

up. Like, like the guys who were in there, it seems like 20 years ago, we're probably like, yeah, Hooters, let's go. Like thought it was a cool thing to go to, you know, I just kind of feel like nobody younger than us is going to go there for any reason. Yeah. I mean, it's sort of, ironically sort of whatever, but I just feel like why would they? Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder where are they going to Buffalo Wild Wings? Are they just not going to chain restaurants in general? I don't know. I wonder. Because there is a Buffalo Wild Wings down the street. Right. And that place is hoppin.

Yes. But also it's not going to be super hoppin at 11 a.m. on a Monday, especially the Monday before Thanksgiving. Is the draw still like the, the ladies? The skimpy. Yeah. The skimpy uniforms or whatever. To some degree, it must be.

But then I was thinking fashion-wise, and I know LA is its own, we're our own ecosystem, but I've seen girls like walking by UCB that are wearing, you know, some girls, their cut-off shorts are like, like almost like underwear. Yeah. Where like V's up like that. That's more revealing than what the girls are wearing. So that's also where I feel like maybe it's the time has passed a little bit, even with that uniform.

Our waitress is very beautiful, no doubt. But just like the stylings of it feels very caught like in amber. Yes. Yeah, I got you. Yeah. It was all kind of frozen in time. I mean, because what, what she, what the waitresses are wearing at this day and age is not particularly immodest by society's standards.

And then like you were talking about the 90s hits, like we were hearing Everclear, we were in Counting Crows. It was like basically hearing a, I guess a classic rock station in 2016. This 90s music, right? Oh God, you're right. I mean. Oh Jesus. It was like very much like, and then, you know, you look at the clientele who was there,

it was 35 and up for the most part. I think that's nice. And then like a jump. I just want a cut. Yeah. Like, and then a jump to older guys. And you notice that there was like two tears. And I was like, oh, that guy's gray haired.

That guy's at least definitely 50 plus for sure. Right. Yeah. And the uniform, it feels like something that like, like someone would wear on like a Sunday lounging around the house now. Like it doesn't seem very like crazy reveal. Like you're right. I think it doesn't, it doesn't seem like what it once seemed like or whatever it once was.

Yeah. I mean with the hose and the socks and like the trainers, like. It's because the morals in this country have slipped, I tell you. With millennials, they have loose morals, but tight clothing. Yeah. You got to switch it up. Tight morals. Loose clothing.

Start wearing some monk robes. Taking vows of chastity. If you agree, hashtag monk robes. Nick and I have taken a vow of chastity. Yeah. Involuntarily. All right. So like we get there, but you've been to Hooters a number of times in the past.

A number of times. What are your go-to, and Mitch, you have some Hooters experiences. Yes, I've had a few Hooters experiences. This was my first time as I mentioned, but Cool Up, what are your, what are your previous like Hooters orders? Like what are your go-tos there in terms of food and drink? Definitely wings. Right.

And then like snow crab. Right. I get crab there. That's like, and we talked about this a little bit there, but Jalen Rose, I know. NBA Great, who's now a very successful commentator in retirement, but he mentions on his podcast that he gets the crab legs from Hooters. Like that's like kind of his go-to thing. Possible rebrand to Crabby's.

What's it called? Crabby's. Isn't that a restaurant? Crabby's? Isn't there? I don't know. Crab Shack or Crabby's? There's Joe's Crab Shack.

I don't think that's any place called Crabby's. Crabby's is good. There's Pink Shrimpies. Pink Shrimpies was your pitch to rebrand Red Lobster, which is terrible. My pitch to rebrand Hooters is Crabby's. So this place, based on sex appeal, you want to associate with a particularly grotesque venereal disease. And it's just one item. Right.

A large menu. They're more known for burgers and wings, but you want to focus in on crabs. I love crab, and so if there isn't like an Asian-style buffet or a Red Lobster, then if I have a hankering for crab, Scotty, let's go to Hooters. How would you rank your crabs? What's your favorite kind of crab? Oh, like King Crab. One King Crab, two Snow Crab.

And then we'll go into the Dungeness and the Jonah and all that stuff. Snow Crab gets bottom of the list for everything. I mean, let's not speak for everyone. Do you like your crab cakes? I do. Okay. I love a crab cake. I love not too much breading, though.

Right. Let's have it more in the crab side. Yeah, you want that crab meat? Yeah. I like big lumps in my crab cakes. I don't want it too mashed up. Give me some big lumps so I know that crab's there. I've had some...

Crab cakes are all right. Crab cakes are all right. I've had some... If you order them off like a happy hour menu, I feel like you're getting a lot of breading. Yeah, I think you're right. Be wary of the bargain crab cakes because not much crab shall you get. Oh, my God. You know what I like way more than crab cakes?

Let's hear it. Stuffed shells. Stuffed shells. What, do you mean like the pasta? Like a... Oh, fuck, wait. Baked... What's happening?

What is going on? Are you talking about Manicotti? Baked... You know, like the baked stuffed clam shells. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah, the big...

Am I being weird? No. Wait, do you mean the pasta? Stuffed shells? No, not pasta for God's sake. Okay, because there is a dish called stuffed shells that I think was what I immediately thought of. Fuck.

The big clam shells that are baked and it's breading in a... And it's a mix of stuff. Yes, sometimes it has like sausage in it or something. Oh, wow. Sometimes. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? If you out there know what Mitch was talking about, hashtag the Mitch whisperer. All right.

Well, do you like that it comes in a shell? Stuffed... They're called stuffed clams. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay, yum. Stuffed clams. It's one with...

But it has crab in it. Yes. Wait, do you think I like that it comes in the shell? Yeah. Yeah, it's good. It's a little dish. Yeah, I like stuff like that. I like...

Yeah. Give me a margarita and a pineapple. Right, yeah. That is fun. Yeah, it's nature doing its job. Yeah, a little... I like a little pizzazz of the presentation. I don't know if that's nature doing its job.

I think so. All right. My wife Nellie informed me last night that the soft shell clam is also known as the piss clam. What? Isn't that disgusting? Yeah. Yeah.

That's gross. I guess because it like... The soft shell clam. It'll like squirt water at you if you approach it. It's like a muscle, a muscular reflex. And so it got kind of like the, I guess in New England, it got the casual name of the piss clam. So how many did you go out and buy?

Because I like getting pissed at. Yeah, that's pretty much what I was trying to apply. No, it's like soft shell clams are good, but that's like a disgusting association to have with something that you eat. Clams are... But I'm just saying crab cakes are... Crab cakes are one of those foods that they're always a let down. Yeah.

They're never as good as you think they're going to be. Always a let down. If there's more crab, it's better. Yeah, I think you're going to have good crab cakes. More crab is better. Yes. Otherwise, it's sort of like a fish stick, like a cod mixed in or something, you know? You're exactly right.

If there isn't blumps, it's just been like minced and there's just various fish and flour in it. Right. Yeah. Lot of filler. I just feel like it's a let down foods. It's one of the let down foods. You know what's a let down food for me?

Fajitas. I feel like fajitas are always like it's great presentation and you're so excited to dig in and then it just never lives up to that sizzle. I agree with that. That's back into the whole presentation of food, which is like it's great to have that sizzling plate. But I think you're right. Sometimes it's too dry.

The meat. Right. It's cooked too much on that plate. Yeah. Nice liquefied meat, like I was talking about at the top of the episode. You're talking about smoothies. You're talking about meat smoothies. Or it's raw?

Is that what you're talking about? Do you like raw food? Do you like a steak tartare or a lamb tartare? I don't like lamb for some reason. It's too gamey for me. In general? It's too gamey for me too. I feel similar.

I like lamb. But it is gamey. Yeah. I almost put duck in the same category as lamb. I'll fuck with duck. I like duck. Yeah. But they're both kind of a little bit more...

It is. It is. Yeah. If I'm a ribeye, I'm going to get it rare, medium rare. Definitely. I'll do tartare for sure. Yeah. Beef tartare.

I do feel like beef tartare is almost always the same. It's gotten into a very... For me, I feel like it's kind of in a rut where I feel like anytime you order, you're getting it there and you're getting a little egg with it. It's just always kind of the same presentation and the way it's seasoned is always kind of universal. I don't know. I feel like they're all kind of lateral.

They're all kind of the same level. I'm never wowed. I'm not let down, but I'm never wowed by a tartare. It's fine though. You may not have been eating the right tartare. It's possible. I've had some tartars at some very good restaurants where I've enjoyed everything else and the tartare itself is just kind of meh, but maybe we're in personal taste territory.

Maybe I'm just not a tartare guy. Oh, well, tweet your top tartars for Nick. See if there's a spot. Mitch, do you have one? A top tartare? I don't have a top tartare. My top tartare is probably ... I went to ... My top tartare was down in Florida. Who's the Dolphins coach there?

Shula's. Oh, yeah. Don Shula's Steakhouse. They had a good tartare. Oh, interesting. The rest of the meal was just all right. It wasn't great. I don't have a top tartare, but I have a bottom jar jar.

Binks. Get him out of here. Are you kidding me? Binks is your bottom jar jar? Yeah. You're the worst of the jar jars. You can't think of a worse jar jar than Binks. Can you?

No, but I like jar jar. Can you think of a better jar jar? Wait a minute. You're defending jar jar? You're just being ... You're being contrarian. Thank you. No. Comedically contrarian.

Jar jar's nice. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. You do not like jar jar. He fell around and he defeated the ... He fell around. He fell around. He identifies. He identifies.

He sees a kindred spirit. I was good. I almost did a jar jar impression. I couldn't bring myself to that. In five, four, three, two, go. I think jar jar is better than anything in the Force Awakens. Oh, come on. That's insane.

It's true. Come on. Come on. Jar jar is cooler than anything in the Force Awakens. This is the kind of lunacy that I'm dealing with, is that you're so against a different JJ Abrams. Yeah. He's my bottom jar jar.

He's not a jar jar. But what if JJ is? He has a different jar jar. And he's been lying. That would really be something. Is jar jar Abrams? He's the jar jar of Star Wars directors. He's cooler.

There's stuff. Whatever you think of the prequels. Do you think I'll ever be in a Star Wars movie now? By this point, have you spent like, I mean, there's a chance of me being one to begin with. It was already very low. But now that you have six hours at least of audio of you just slamming the latest entry in the franchise.

You'll never listen to this, right? No one will ever listen to it. But it'll be uncovered if you got cast in it. Yeah. And you also hate auditioning. So how is this going to work out? Right. What are the roads, though?

Can you name the road? I mean, if someone gave me an audition for Star Wars, I mean, of course we'll go in. Yes. I hate auditioning because it's just, I mean, does, I think if you say you like auditioning, you're a liar. Right. We're getting into actor territory, but. Yeah.

Which I know is super boring. No, but I'm saying like any actor who's like, I actually like auditioning. You're full of shit. If you're listening to me out there and you say you like auditioning, you're, that's full shit. Do people say that? Yeah. I've talked to some actors before.

I'm like, man, I hate auditioning. They're like, I actually kind of like it. Like I've gotten a few people. When I was doing it a lot, I had to get into the mindset. But you've talked, we've talked about this before. You told me, you were like, I have to say that I like, I have to pretend to like this. I have to come in and go like, look, I'm going to put on my little show. And I know this sounds gross, but I need to put on my little show and then leave.

Like I need to feel that way. Because, you know, it hurts, like it hurts, like to be rejected so much. Right. I just need to be like, where I get to the place where I'm comfortable being seen in the best way. I need to trick myself. Right. Right.

So that's... Imagine if you were auditioning for Jar Jar and how hard that would be and you finally make it and then everyone says you're the worst thing to ever happen to Star Wars. Look, Abed Best, the actor who played Jar Jar, who brought things to life. I don't blame him at all, though he was doing a role he was hired for. I honestly don't think the prequels are that bad. That's true. I think they're like B minus level Marvel movies, basically.

Like if you watch Thor the Dark World, that's about at the same level of Episode 2. They're not as good as the best of it, but it's fine and it's watchable and it's more of the universe. And you can kind of take the good with the bad and be like, all right, that one wasn't so great. Like you don't have to treat it with the same weight as you do as it's like, oh, this is the canonical story. This is so important.

Every single frame of film is crucial to this. You can just sort of throw it away a little, but that's my opinion towards the prequels. But even that said, Jar Jar is among the worst things in the prequels. I think Midiclorians is worse, but Jar Jar is really bad. I don't know if he's as bad as Episode 7. But listen, JJ, if you're listening... Unreal. If you're listening, it's good that I'm critical.

You should put me in a Star Wars because I care that much about it. And also, if I ever get a Star Wars audition, we'll delete the entire backlog of Doe Boyz. If you someday see that they're not on there, I somehow manage to get a... Well, who do you think you are, Trump? Going to deletein' things? Ten like they didn't happen? Hey, Spoon Nation, keep them on us. Make sure you download everything.

Create a super mix. Right. Weigur is steaming right now because he wants to mention Hillary's emails. So I don't care about Hillary's emails? Yeah, you do. Why would you play baby with that brush? Because you're more of a Trump guy than me. I'm not more of a Trump guy.

What on earth are you talking about? Make voted for Trump. I did not vote for Trump. You're right. I don't like auditioning as bad. But I do it. I'm going to the dentist and I do it. Right.

I go on audition. Yeah, how do you feel about auditioning, Nick? I don't do it. I've done...I've gone on maybe a half...I feel like a half dozen auditions in my life and I haven't gone on one within the past four or five years, probably. I mean, I figured out pretty early on. I'm not an actor. I'm not good at that.

I should share a story of I auditioned for... What was that? You know my memory with names and stuff. So who...what is the project that we know? The director from Sideways is... Oh, Pain. Pain. Yeah.

I went out for...is it Thomas? Alexander Payne. Alexander Payne. Thank you, Thomas Payne. Thank you for thinking... I went out for the Alexander Payne movie. What was the one with George Clooney and it's not like the mum dies or something? Oh, is it Aloha?

Not Aloha. No. No. Huebles in it. Huebles in it. Yes. I might have gone out for Huebles' role. Oh, okay.

Aloha was a Cameron Crow one. Yeah, where Emma Stone was Asian. Right. Yes, Emma Stone was Asian. I know which one it is. You know what I'm talking about. Hold on. I'm going to look this way.

Well, as you're looking up, I went in for an audition for that. And I remember Jesse McCartney was the name that had signed in before me for the role. Whoa. And I was like, okay, well, we're two different guys immediately, but whatever. That doesn't matter sometimes for auditions. Yeah. And I talked to the guy who was auditioning. He was kind of like a caddy guy.

He was a little bit caddy. The guy who was running the audition? The guy who was running the audition. And he was like, so what do you do with the characters? And I said, like, oh, this and this and this. And he was like, no, but let's see what you can do with that character. And I auditioned. And I was done.

And I was like, so what do you think? And he was like, I wanted to claw my eyes out. The director said that? No. The casting director. The casting director. Jesus. And I was like, oh.

And he was like, he was like, you were too stiff. And he gave me all these hard notes. And I was like. Which, by the way, I've never heard this. Your setup, the room was not set up for you. Like, he didn't set the table for you. Right. Very well.

Like, what do you think this is? I don't think that's what it is. But go ahead. Like, what? Show me what you got. For sure. Yeah. And he was like, okay, this is what I think characters.

He told me the second time. And then I did it again. And he said, better. And then I left. Oh, God. Ouch. It hurt. And that was hurt.

I mean, I was also, this was like seven years ago or six or seven years ago. Yeah. And then we came out. It came out like at least. I think it was 2011. I just looked it up. The descendants. The descendants.

Yes. So this was probably a year or so before it even came out. Yeah. So this is 2010 or 2009 or something. Right. Yeah. So I mean, I was green. I mean, I was greener then than I am now or whatever.

But it kind of ends in a happy story is that I went outside in this after a Harold night and this guy was like, hey, I need to introduce you to someone. And he brought me over and it was the casting director from the descendants. And he was like, oh, you were so funny. Now I hate this part of the story. I'm sorry. He was like, even though I wasn't funny. He was like, I could have you come in and read for a part.

I was like, OK. And I was just nodding my head. And he was like, what's your name? I was like, Mike Mitchell. He's like, I'll find you on IMDb. And I get my head. I was like, no, you won't. You'll never find me on there.

But he also didn't remember who I was. So OK. There's some comfort in that. Yes. I should have told the good part of the story. The bad part of the story is the fun part. Also not that happy of an ending. Yeah.

Nothing good came out at for you. Just a guy. You don't remember how I'm in the descendants? But I do know the feeling that as long as you don't remember me as the worst. Right. I kind of will take that as a win. Yeah. That's good.

Because I held on to a Melvin ghosted dinner audition in front of Bob Odenkirk. Oh, man. And I held on to that for 10 years. Hey, come here. The side's cool, I'm here. Bob Odenkirk, an executive producer on The Birthday Boys. That's right. And we worked with him.

We worked with him. We get him out. Who will last to be on the show at some point? And was it a terrifying situation? Yeah. Because I was like, first it was like, oh my god, Bob Odenkirk left me a message. Oh my god. And then going in and just being so in my head and freaked out.

And I just really felt like that's how they saw me. Sure. He and Naomi saw me for years, which it was totally one-sided. And maybe they did for a good time when you just shit the bed. And you're just like, well, bye-bye. And of course, didn't get the part, every part of it, right? But I just held on to that. Yeah.

Oh my god, when the truth is and the lesson is, you can always change someone's mind. Oh yeah. You can kind of generalize that, I feel like, to embarrassment at large, right? It feels like any embarrassing situation you will hold on to forever, some small moment, and you'll think about it, and then most other people forget about it almost immediately. Or you'll have to remind them that it even happened. Yeah. Oh, for sure, yeah.

Right. Those moments live with me forever. Yeah. Yeah. I won't tell enough. I had a Zeke and Luther audition that I've told you about before, where I had a mental breakdown in the audition. Oh.

I felt so bad that they gave me a callback. Like, I couldn't say any lies. Look, I mean, you got you, you know, you did it. Yeah, I'll re-can do it. You got a callback. Well, anyways, now that we've bonded with the common man. Let's dig into Hooters a little bit. Let's dig in.

So our server, we mentioned Cassie, very, very pleasant, very affable. I think she was, for most of the time, for at least half the time there, she was the one employee working the floor. So she had her hands full, but she did a good job taking care of us. And we started off with some beverages. We all got the Three Mile Island Bloody Mary. This is described as hot, really, really hot. It's absolute vodka and Bloody Mary mix.

Related to a nuclear disaster, which is kind of a weird way to name it. Yeah. But I thought it was a pretty good margarita. Not really, really hot. I think it's the kind of thing where there's... Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary. I'm sorry.

It's not really, really hot, but like war, like a little bit of heat. I feel like they're too much caution. They're starting too much caution on that hot stuff, just in chain restaurants in general. It was spicy, yes. It was spicy, but it wasn't... It wasn't that spicy. Yeah, it wasn't that spicy. It was a little spice.

Right. But they want people who are spice averse. They want them to know that this is actually hot, so you don't complain about it and send it back. And I think because my theory is that their clientele is just getting older with health problems. They can't eat as spicy of food. You're saying this also with a pencil in your hand, like I feel like...

Are you taking notes? And I'm wearing glasses. Right. I have a theory. Right? Because just jumping slightly ahead, those wings were not hot. They weren't very hot now. And they're called hot.

Yeah. We got the hot sauce. And I'm just saying. Continue. They kind of also too. They're also in there, I think, I don't know if they're biting off of Buffalo Wild Wings or B-Dubs is biting off of them, but whatever, they have this litany of sauces and they are all sorted by heat level, kind of in the way that you would do it at a Buffalo Wild

Wings menu. Yeah. Like they had... I was surprised by the number of sauces. I feel like they had somewhere from 12 to 18 different sauce options. 15, yeah. 15. But you guys like that Bloody Mary overall.

I thought it was pretty good. Yeah. It was a good Bloody Mary. I got to tip the hat to them. It was a decent Bloody Mary. Very solid. I feel like it's kind of a cold day and kind of like the right alcoholic beverage for 11 a.m. on a chilly day in Burbank, California.

What drink number was that for you? It was my first drink. Sure. I don't have an alcohol problem. So we had... We also got, as starters, we got the pork wings with Daytona barbecue sauce. And we also got the Hooters style wings, six piece breaded. We could get you to get them either breaded or what?

What did she say? Naked? Is that what she said? Yeah. Both fried, but Naked didn't have the extra breading and we got the original hot sauce. The pork wings with Daytona sauce is like the weirdest mix up of like culture, like food and like it's like this pork, this pork wing, which is what, like it felt almost like it felt kind of like a tie or an Asian inspired kind of like loin that was skewered

with a bone. Yeah. So we had Daytona sauce on it and then there's a side of blue cheese with french fry. It's, it's such a weird fucking like amalgamation or something. It's very strange. Right. Yeah. I guess it is.

It's fusion. It is though that like that verbiage pork wings with Daytona barbecue sauce is like an alien from a rival trying to construct a human meal. You know, it's like this like weird, all these different disparate things are kind of coming together that sounds like food. Did you see a rival? Yeah, I did. You think that the aliens from a rival would have made that would have made the Daytona

wings? I'm saying that they, they have this nonlinear thought process, spoiler alert, but this nonlinear thought process and the way they assemble sentences is a little at odds with how we assemble sentences. And so it like it, it was something that was just like a little bit corrupted or a little lost in translation, if you will. You spoiled that movie for me. Now you've spoiled it for everyone.

I didn't spoil it for everyone else. And also let's just all say pork wings. Very strange. Pork wings. Pork wings. What were they exactly? We couldn't figure out like if they, it wasn't quite, because at first my suspicion was like, oh, these are like baby back ribs, but then they weren't exactly ribs.

Like it wasn't like a, but like the bone from a rib, but it had a bone in there of some sort. I also can't believe that we ordered the pork wings at 11 a.m. Right. Like for sure the first pork wings that are made for the day and they were definitely just unafraid. I mean, the thing is, is that they tasted okay. Yeah.

My issue with this is that they were cold. Like they were like cool almost immediately, which it just tastes like they maybe heated them up or something or kind of room temperature. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Not cold, cold. Right.

We had room temp pork wings. We had room temp pork wings. God. With Daytona sauce. Well, it was just like, Nick saw it first on the menu and was like, yeah, we have to get them. Just the name, like we got to do it. That's kind of I think the thing that happens with this podcast is that I think we in general

kind of order what we want to try, but part of it is there is kind of like the dare aspect of okay, we're going to get something that's maybe a little outlandish that maybe we wouldn't normally get just for the interest of science isn't the right word, but for the interest of evaluation. Right. We talked about this today because I got a buffalo chicken salad. Yeah. I'm coming for the rest of this episode.

Wait, can you spoil an episode within an episode? That's just like moving the the plot forward, right? Two and a half forks for me. I spoiled it. I hope that is your actual rating. So my buffalo chicken salad, like when I was ordering that, I was talking to you guys about it. I'm doing weight watchers, so I had to put all this I had to put all this fucking computing

into my little foot. I have to compute all my meals. It's data entry. Yeah. There's a lot of data entry with my meals now. It's good because it makes you mindful. Hey, right. It's the daily battle of the bulge, you know what I mean?

Another day in the battle of the bulge. And so Nick just doesn't like what I'm saying, right? No, I like it. So I do it. I have to do it. I'm going to put in these numbers and my issue is that I feel bad that I'm not eating something more like more of hooter, you know, like, right, if I should be eating a buffalo chicken sandwich or something like that, which I know, but like looking at weight watchers

points and looking at the menu items, I mean, these were and ate up my meal. What are we ate up? It was it was half my points for a day. Yeah. Yeah. We talked crazy because it wasn't like it was a ton of food. Yeah. You weren't going opulent.

You weren't going over the top, but just like the fact that you were getting something that was breaded and had a bunch of ranch dressing on it, we talked about this a little bit. Cool. I think we're waiting for Mitch or no, Mitch might have been there and the fuck you. But you were like 50 minutes late. Our buddies, sorry, our buddies, Ryan Stanger and Eugene Cordero have a podcast where they talk about fitness now.

It's called the dumbbells and it's really good. And I've been listening to it and you were on an episode, but Eugene said something. Eugene was who was on our podcast before on the L and L Hawaiian barbecue episode. And Eugene was Eugene said something that really altered my thinking, which was don't think of the cheat meal as a cheat meal. Think of it as a meal. And I found like, I feel like that was kind of your approach today, Mitch of just like, okay, I'm eating something unhealthy, but I don't have to go nuts.

Because my usual attitude when I'm having like, oh, this is my cheat meal. This is my indulgence eating healthy most of the time is that I'm like, I'm going to go over the top with this. I'm going to make this as unhealthy as possible. I'm going to add all these different elements. And it feels like just an attitudinal adjustment of, okay, this is an unhealthy meal, but it's also just a meal. I don't have to go completely bananas.

The dope boys moving forward. If we want to survive this podcast, we have to, we have to do that, I think we'll have to invoke some Eugene and Stanger style moderation. Yeah, we'll get jacked. Do them. We should get jacked. Probably get jacked. And I think their advice for me that is because I was trying to them my habit, my bad habit

of sort of extreme, extreme dieting and or like overdoing and just like, I'll do anything great for like four weeks, perfect six weeks moderation. And then it just was like, well, now I deserve it. You fall off a cliff. Yeah. Oh, in ways where I was like, I just feel like I am trying to lose 10 pounds and I keep gaining 10 pounds. Yeah.

And then it's like, oh, wow, like 40 pounds later, looky, looky, like, and it's just because of swinging back. I mean, like I, I was, um, I was a nutritionist from Chico who is also who's the, I can never remember his name, he's dating, uh, Olivia Munn and he's a football, uh, he's, Oh, Aaron Rogers. Yeah. Like we had the same nutritionist, like, which is like, no, I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be just eating egg whites and yeah.

You think you'll be able to play in the NFL? I mean, pretty soon, pretty soon. No one's responding to my calls, emails or tweets, but I just feel like, Hey, hashtag Koochie said, hashtag, I need your help you guys, Spoon Nation, Spoon Nation, get cool up, get cool up as a starter on an NFL football team. And if you don't, I'll be very upset with all of you. Uh, Hey, just another chapter in the battle of the bulge. Am I right?

Let's talk about our on, let's talk about our entrees. entrees, yes. So I got the lunch special cheeseburger. They had an $8 lunch special, which I thought was actually pretty value conscious, $8 for a bill, do you get an entrees and, and, and aside with that, um, I got the cheeseburger with provolone. It's just a standard burger cook medium. I ordered it medium, uh, with lettuce, tomato and onion and it had, uh, they brought me

mustard and then Manny's packets, which I thought was weird. I was a little perturbed by Manny's packets in a restaurant. I was expecting a little too perturbed by it, but I got it. And also they brought it early. They brought it really early. They brought it very early. They brought it with the wings. So I was like, do we use the mayonnaise for the wings?

And you, you very smartly pointed out that it was for that, that burger that was coming later, but I was very confused by it. I pointed out. I pointed it out. I don't know. Maybe I did. I think it was cool up. I said it to you as you were, as you were squeezing the mayo into your mouth.

I got provolone on that cheeseburger. Is that a normal cheese that you would put on? Yeah, I would. I do. I like provolone quite a bit. That's one of the options. Yeah. I think provolone's pretty good.

I'd normally get probably, I'd probably opt for American or cheddar over most of the time, but I figured I'd mix it up. It was a good burger, nice and juicy, a nice bit of liquid meat, Mitch. But here's the thing. The bun was very, uh, like immediately soggy and it just sort of fell apart like wet newspaper and about, I don't know if you guys saw my burger, but about halfway through it was just this gnarled mess of dough and meat. And it was just like impossible to hold.

It was like when a burrito falls apart and it's just like, I can't fucking eat this thing. I'm so happy I didn't see that. That sounds disgusting. Yeah, it was a real mess. It was, it looked pretty chewed. It was just, and I was like, I wish that, that bun had a little bit more substance or just like it was like composed a little bit better or if the beat was going to be that juicy, it just needed something that would hold up a little better.

But not a bad bite. Like it was a very serviceable burger. We use the word serviceable a lot there. That was kind of our word of the day while we were eating in the restaurant. But yeah, it was very serviceable. Fries, I thought were great. I really like their curly fries. They're, they're not aggressively seasoned.

That's just basically salt and pepper, but they had a good fry to them. I like the texture. The curly fries are pretty good. I like the texture of them. I really enjoyed the fries. They didn't even need ketchup though. I did use a little ketchup to liven them up, but, but overall, like a very, a very normal down the middle burger that unfortunately just didn't hold it together.

Colette, what did you get in terms of entree? I got, I got the crab legs and I felt like, because I had been talking them up, I felt like I needed to order them and spiced on the outside. I thought a fairly nice presentation. I love crab legs, as I said. So I was like, okay, I'm excited. And then I felt like, I felt like they didn't, I'm trying to think like did, I wasn't that excited about them.

Right. And I'm trying to think overall, like, is it has the quality gone down or is it that I don't like, I felt like just overall, like the quality seemed down versus your last experience, which I'm trying to remember when that was. It definitely, the menu looked updated from the last time that I was there. But I don't know. I just wasn't like, oh, it was a little like, yeah, it's crab, but it's like, they looked kind of small and I felt like they were super watery.

I don't know. Like they felt so, they don't pretend that they're not frozen, but it just felt so frozen to me. I don't know. Yeah. I wonder how much of it was your previous visits were viewed through the prism of like, oh, I'm here with a bunch of friends and it's revelry and it's evening. It's a little debauchery.

And then here you're having a meal on a gray day with two hunched losers. Hey, like, and it's like, you know, it's the day shift and you're very conscious of what's going on. Like, I wonder if how much of that affected it. I think that's fair. I do think that's fair. But I don't know. It also could just be that it's like the day shift and it was just like the first

food that they were making on a Monday. I don't know. But yeah, I get what you're saying, Mitch. I'm not a loser. All right, Mitch, you're very cool. What did you have for, what did you have for your entree? I had the buffalo chicken salad and listen, Spoon Nation, that's okay. But the thing that wasn't okay is that it was not that great, right?

It was just very basic. It was like iceberg lettuce, some tomato and onion and onion. And the onion was like what like raw white onion. And I love onion, but it was like almost hard to eat. It was like so thickly huge. Yeah. And it was like, like, uh, like onion ring, like onion ring onions before they're like battered in fried or so it was, they were like so thick.

And, and, and like, it was just, it was, it was like almost taking like a bite out of like a raw, just like a raw onion. It was, it was like it was an apple. Right. Like an apple. Exactly. Yes. Like, uh, it was, it was, it was, it wasn't, you, you, you, I don't know

if you had any of the onion, but you saw it there. It was a lot of cheese, a lot of, a lot of the blue cheese. And then there was ranch dressing on it, which was actually fine because it's ranch dressing, ranch dressing, right? Exactly. The chicken itself was fine. They were kind of like a breaded boneless piece, but not a ton of chicken was in there.

And then also you had ordered it medium because you didn't want it too spicy. There was barely any spice. There was barely any side. It was almost like a fried chicken set, like a chicken strip salad or something. But they weren't even strips. They were kind of like little nugs. Yeah. Chunks, chunks.

Snugs is better. I like nugs. Little nugs. They were, yeah, they were, they were like little nuggets. So it was, it was a, it was, it was, it was, I guess disappointing, but I don't know, I, I, I feel like Hooters to me. The first time I went to Hooters, I tried, like, cause I was like, try the wings or whatever.

Yeah. And I didn't, the wings were too breaded for me. And I, and like the, the, it was like kind of like fatty. And I was like, I don't like Hooters wings. And actually my experience with the as time has gone on has been like, oh, I, I, I, I kind of like this place a little bit more, but I don't, the food is just okay. Right? Like, I don't think it's anything great.

Yeah, I guess it's just okay. Yeah. It's just okay. Hmm. I like the company. Yeah. The company's great. We had a great time.

And you know what? I make fun of you a lot, Mitch. And I, the people some out there sometimes join in on, on making fun of you. But let me tell you one thing I will not make fun of you for making a healthy lifestyle choice. And I think, I think anyone out there who wants to pile on to Mitch for having a salad, for saying that he's not doing his job as a food reviewer by having a salad at Hooters, shame on you.

Mitch is trying to watch his weight. He's trying to, it seems condescending. No, I'm just, I'm saying he's trying to make a healthy lifestyle choice. And we all should support him. And it's a perfectly fair thing to get from a restaurant because a lot of people order salads and I think it's fair to criticize it based on the quality of its salad. Thank you, Nick.

Right. It's not like it was, you were like, I'll have a side salad and a water. Right. Yeah, that was fair. It was, it was, it was part of like the, the lunch special menu. It was on there. You were dipping your toe into the, into cheat territory. Yeah.

It wasn't, it wasn't a cheat meal. And it cost me half my points for the day. Right. Yeah. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta keep an eye on all these points now. These points are important to me. I like, it's like a video game. It's great.

Yeah. Uh, anyways, I don't know. It's just kind of, it was just, it's just kind of shitty. I mean, I mean, like, it makes me feel bad because I feel like Hooters is supposed to be fun. Right. And it's just, I don't know. I don't, I don't know.

I, I don't know how I've ever felt about Hooters. Hooters feels like the Florida of chain restaurants, doesn't it? I like, I like, well, actually I like Florida more than that. There's, I'm being too, I'm taking a bite out of Florida for no reason. Like, uh, Oh, I just love Nick's. Well, I always love all of your intros because I find them very informative and well, thank you. And they're funny.

And so I, but the, the, the side tie connection in, in the town, obviously. The same town. I just think it's so interesting, but yeah, just, I don't know. It's clear water, Florida, Florida hub of controversy and it makes sense. All right. We'll take a quick break or we'll be right back with more dough boys. Welcome back to dough boys. We're talking Hooters.

So let's get to our fork rating. Um, here's how this will work. Cool. I've, you've heard the show before, but I'll explain it to everybody. We'll give a, thank you very much. We'll give a fork rating. We'll first give our closing argument. So sort of our, our summation of our thoughts on this chain and then end with

a fork rating on the order of one to five forks. Cool up. We will start with you. One fork. One fork. I'm sorry. One fork. You're skipping straight to it.

I thought I'd take this very seriously. Right. Um, by the way, I just want to say just take the second to congratulate you guys on your podcast. Oh, thank you so much. It is so entertaining. I don't really listen to many podcasts, but when I do, it's your podcast. I love your relationship.

Are you the Dose Ecke spokesman? Yeah, I am the most interesting man in the world. Um, your, your dynamic and your relationship is amazing. And you know, we're going to fuck. Well, they are, will they? And I think the concept is so great. It's really, yeah. Anyways, from such an esteemed podcasters yourself, that's very, very high praise.

So thank you very much. Yeah. I think it's as somebody who's one half of a unique dynamic. I really appreciate it. But it's great. You guys, uh, it's just a great combination. We've really hit on something special. Two men who dislike each other.

But in such a unique way, right? It's so, we're going to be millionaires off this. Oh, guys. Huh? Um, okay. So one, one fork for me, right? I just felt like I wasn't, I wanted, I remembered it more. Like I expected to give more forks when I came up with it, when I was like,

let's go to Hooters. Yeah. That was my, that was my heart of hearts. I was going to give it lots of forks, but upon experience, experiencing it to this afternoon, I know. Yeah. Simply one boy. What a bummer.

Yeah. Uh, Mitch, your thoughts. Listen, I love the female form. Oh my God. Oh my God. I was a despise. I love, you know, what do you love about the female form? What is it?

It's just different from me. Actually, I'm, I, I, I, I, I listen. Whether you're viewing it from over a fence or through a hole you've drilled into a wall, you love that female form. I, hey, boobs are not, you know, I like boobs so much, I grew a set myself. Oh, put that in a drop, please. If we did talk, I feel like we didn't talk about it enough, but like, we didn't talk about that side of, of, of that restaurant enough.

I mean, how much can you talk about it? But there is, there is that thing where it's like, yeah, boobs or whatever. But then like, you go there and I feel like maybe it was a thing where it was like, like, uh, like, like there, there's just a part of me that feel like, I don't want to feel bad for anyone who works there. But I feel like there's a lot of people who work there who don't like that gimmick for sure. Right.

Like, don't you feel like there's some people who work there who are like, I hate this gimmick. Like this, like, like, uh, Well, I mean, they know where they, it wasn't like they were tricked into working there. You know what I mean? That's fair. Yeah.

We all do jobs that we don't want to do. Right. They know that they do that job because their tips are better. Yeah. You know, you just make, I worked at a, a place that was much worse, uh, in West Minster and it was a pool hall and my, uh, we only serve beer and mainly beer and then some wine, um, and my uniform was a bikini and the bottoms were G strings. Wow.

And they gave me, um, like it's supposed to be like a sarong to cover, but really it was just gauze and it would just end up being just like sort of a bandage around my waist, basically. Geez. That's worse, but I knew what I was doing and I made a lot of tips. Were you, were you living in LA at the time? I was, I was working downtown during the day. Then driving, I was in, I lived in North Hollywood.

Okay. Troubled downtown nine to five, then would drive to West Minster. That's a commute. It was crazy. And then driving home at two in the morning. That's crazy. Yeah. That sucks.

Had to fix my car. So I was making some choices, decided that my name would be Cooper. And then, because I didn't like to explain my name and then when people would try to call me that, um, I think it was about months too. I started glaring at them. And in that moment, I was like, you should quit because now you're not getting tips. Yeah, you've turned, you've turned, you've turned on them.

And, but the owner of this Vietnamese guy was like, Hey, I'm a lady who's endowed. I have hooters, if you will. Um, and he was like, Hey, you know, I'm going to open a new business in West Minster. Um, it's going to be like a coffee and boba shop. And, um, so I was like, what's the uniform? And it was, um, like not, it's not half shirts.

If, if you have undercleave, so it's more than a half shirt. Okay. So it was like, I think he, it was full bottoms at this time, but then it was going to be, uh, yeah, you'd have undercleave. But then I was like, yeah, but you're going to have the girls work the espresso machines. That's dangerous. Like, yes.

Yeah. That's Steve mill coming up on there. Like, I just think about it. Like do what you're going to do, but think about it. But you know, you make choices. You make choices. I'm sure that there's some people who join in some people. Me, my sexually repressed loser self, I, I, I feel like I was always

uncomfortable, like, like, I, I, I was uncomfortable being like, let's go to who like, like I never, I never saw the appeal of that side of it of being like, yeah, we're at Hooters checking out the, checking out the girls or whatever. In fact, I remember when I was down in Florida for the Super Bowl, when the Broncos played the, the, the Falcons. Uh, uh, and, uh, there was like Hooters girls and my, and my, my dad's work friend was like, take a picture of the Hooters girls.

And it was like me, like the most awkward, had my arm around like a Hooters girl. And like, you don't know where like my braces stopped and my acne started. And it was just like, I would, I would frame that 16 by 20 in my house. Do you have the copy? There's probably somewhere I'll look for it. Come on. Like so far, like, uh, as far away from Weigar and I are now with my arm around the girl.

Um, there's like three feet of space between us. Uh, anyways, so I mean, like, like I said, I love the female form. I don't have to hammer that home. Very clear. But you feel bashful looking at them, even though it's in display. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's a, it's a strange concept to me in, in, in a lot of ways, but the thing is, is that like it's fun and there's a lot, there are pretty girls on there and there's sports on and we went with Evan Susser

and they made him dress up like a chicken because it was his birthday and he clucked around the place. And it was very funny. That was an invite. Um, and, and, and, and what's that? I wasn't invited to that. Oh yeah. No, that was intentional.

Uh, this was like a few years ago. Okay. Uh, and, and, and, and there's a side of it that is fun to me, but the food just is not, it's just not great. The food is just not great and they're, and, and they were known for their chicken wings and today, like when we were young, they're like, they're not bad, but they, they're not great. And when I, when I had them when I was younger, it was like, these wings are

really great. And then having them be like, uh, it was too breaded. I feel like maybe they've added more sauce. I think at one point I thought that they were breaded and there was not really a lot of sauce on them and it was way, they've done a better job. The breading is better than it was. And, and, and the wing, and they're okay, but like the quality of the wings have always been like, they're, they're not, they're not even great.

And that's what they're known for. Uh, so spoiler alert, two and a half forks for me. Wow. That's what it gets. It was the same. It was the same. It was a genuine spoiler. I, I, I give, and I give it the two and a half forks because like, it's not terrible.

Mm hmm. Yeah. Maybe I was too harsh. No, I, no, I, the one for, I'm disappointed. But if someone gave you one, if someone gave Hooters one fork, I would understand it too. Right. I don't think that that's like, like when, when, when Neil Campbell gave

pizza one fork, that was, that was a jaw dropper, that was a jaw dropper. But, uh, yeah, that was, that's why I said that was an outrage. I mean, as outrage as it can be is about this podcast. But, um. Turns out you can though, right? From all your lists. Right. Hashtag outrage salad.

Yeah, it's just, it's just, it's not, it's not great. Nick, go ahead. Sorry. Oh, no worries. Mitch, if there's one thing you and I can bond about, it's our shared sexual repression. And this is definitely something that I carried over into my visit to Hooters today when I was mostly very uncomfortable.

And I was, I'm a prude. I'm a prude dude. I, I'm a sex positive prude. All right. My personal indulgences are, are modest. But if people, whatever people want to do with their lives is fine. I think, you know, a sex work should be legal. And whatever people want to do is, is up to you.

I think that's fine. I, Hooters is fine as a business to exist. It's fine for people to frequent. It's not for me. I don't, I don't want to mix sex and cuisine. I don't want to be horny around food. I don't want to associate hot wings with jacking off. Like I don't, that's not, it's just, it's just a thing I want to keep separate.

And so like these. You're a Jewish in that way. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Raise the biscuit pillion. But in that fashion. I guess like food and sex is not, that is not a good mix.

No, it's not. I think it's, it's kind of grotesque. Oh, you're like, I don't know. Well, the idea of like that's eating sushi off a girl, like it's gross, right? Really gross. Yeah. Really disgusting. You know, incidentally, this is a, this is a weird thing, but we were talking about

the birthday boys show earlier. The birthday boys pilot had a live element with a live audience. And I was the warm up guy. Dave Ferguson asked me to be the warm up guy for your live pilot. I don't remember walking into that ice cold room. It was the hardest day ever worked in my life. I tried to keep your audience warm for like five hours and for five hour taping. And the, but the, there was a girl we talked with.

There's a woman I talked with in the audience whose job was to be the woman who lied down there and had sushi eaten off of her. One of your audience members. Yes. And I asked her, I was like a lot of creepos. And she was like, yeah, it's like all perverts. Like it's just like. Yeah, of course.

That's the kind of like, that's, that's the attraction of it. But like, I don't think that everyone who goes to Hooters is necessarily a pervert. I think that it's a, it's a family friendly establishment at this point in terms of where the culture is, but it's just not for me. And for it to be a place that I would go out of my way to go to again, it would have to have dynamite food. I think the food was only serviceable. And I think a serviceable place where I'm not really comfortable eating at.

Look, I, I saw the Cirque du Soleil show, Turuk a couple of weekends ago and and it's the Avatar inspired Cirque du Soleil show. And so they're all wearing skin tight body suits and like blue body suits like the Navi. Yes. That made me a little uncomfortable. I'm like, that's too sexual. I like, I get, I'm not approved by you. I might be sexually oppressed, but.

But, but that like. Did you like it though? Should I go see it? I think if you're an Avatar die hard, see it. If you're Cirque du Soleil shows though. I think they're better Cirque du Soleil shows. It doesn't have the great set pieces of other Cirque du Soleil shows. It's very story focused.

Okay. A lot of Navi backstory. No, thank you. In any event, you've said to me before, breasts are for milking only. With your shirt off? The food was serviceable, serviceable food, an environment that's not for me. That's a combination where I land on two forks. Too far.

Now I feel like I was too extreme. You can amend your score. I'm going to amend it because it's like, what have you given one, one, one? I think that's like, that's like Keros territory. I give Keros like a half fork or something, not even a half fork. That was our least favorite restaurant. I might have even gone one and a half or two forks for Keros. Okay.

Okay. So I think I feel like it's a little, I'm going to go, I'm going to go to two. Two forks, two forks. Two forks. One, one, you've got like rat droppings and like. Right. Yeah. Okay.

All right. All right. Two, two and a half and one and two, two and a half and two. So we're all in the hand holding club. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. All right.

That was Hooters. Now it's time for a regular segment. We have a fast food item that we bought yesterday and we're going to test how it held up after spending a night in the fridge. These are the leftovers. Everyone remembers the leftovers theme. The HBO canceled leftover show. Oh, it got canceled?

I think so. Is it canceled? I thought there was a season three coming. Oh, there is a season three coming? I don't know. I thought there was going to have three. I thought it was one of those ones where it like got canceled, but like the newsroom, they gave it a final season to set it off.

All right. I'm going to hand this over to you. Cool up. Oh, I got your piece of shit for what you got. Speaking of big dongs, Justin Thoreau supposedly as a, a big one. Oh, yeah. Is that, does he show it on the show or is that just a rumor? Oh, he does.

Yeah, yeah, yep. Hmm. Hmm. Reason for me to tune in. All right, so. You're admitting it. So we've got. Oh man, good for, all these good looking guys.

Oh, fucking god damn it. When a good looking guy also has a huge dick, that's like a one, two punch. Yeah. Why was I, why was I created? Right. What was, what was God's purpose with this? Or whatever. The earth, mother nature or mother earth's creation of me.

What was the, what was the goal? It was a. Am I like a cancer cell? No, it was like a bet to see like how long you would survive before you put a gun in your mouth. And I think the over and under was 40 years. So we'll see, we'll see who ends up winning that one. All right. Let's do the leftovers.

So as far as leftovers go, what's better than cold pizza, right? The signature cold, the signature kind of leftover from a fast food establishment. So what we've got here is some 7-Eleven pizza that I bought yesterday. This is in my fridge and a little bit of time in my cooler and my trunk. This is like the first time I don't want to eat something on this. Well, you can just take a bite or two. Okay. But we've got the 7-Eleven fresh to go pizza.

I bought it by the slice. These were, the slices were $1.29 a piece at the Santa Monica 7-Eleven on 17th Street. And what is your guys just like visually? What are we seeing with this pizza? Describe your assessment. It's worse than, it's worse than refrigerated. Like it's like it, this looks like pizza that's like, like 12 days old. Yeah, it looks pretty old.

My slice only has cheese from the midway point up. Right. Does that look like that's very accurate? That looks very accurate to me. Yeah. I think I have your cheese in my box. Okay, all right. Yeah, this is, this is, this is mummy pizza if I've ever seen it.

Do you want to trade Kulap? No, no, no, I feel this is very... Hey, you have the best looking slice of the bunch. Do you want to trade? I'll trade with you. No, fuck you. Yeah, this looks like mummified pizza. It really does.

All right, it's the pepperoni variety with cheese. I'm going to take a bite. Me too. That's really bad. Yeah. I mean, the texture has really like, it already has kind of a cardboard-y texture if you eat it. My mouth is full right now as I'm talking,

which I know is rude. But it's already got kind of a cardboard-y texture if you get it hot, but after spending a day and a night in the refrigerator, it's just really... It looks like a yoga mat. Right. It's really a lot of chewing to get through this. Fucking god damn it.

I'll do one more. Oh my god. I'll say this. I don't even know if I can do another bite. I'll do the end. The pepperoni is not bad. It's gross. The pepperoni itself is not bad.

I'll say. The one that surprises me about this is that I didn't think this would happen that the dough was actually probably like my favorite part of it. Really? Really? Just because the rest of it tastes so bad? I feel like that sauce is putrid.

And the cheese is like strong and disgusting. It's amazing how stale it tastes. It tastes just like so... It tastes so, so old. It tastes like it's been in the freezer for a month, and then you took it out and defrosted it on a countertop. Why would you do this? I thought it was a fair...

Look, let's say you get completely blackout drunk. You go to 7-Eleven and you get yourself a pizza. I have done that. You either leave it on the counter or put it in the fridge, and then you wake up in the morning and need something to sop up all that booze. Oh, this pizza's here.

Let's see how it holds up. I think it's a fair bit of... Yeah, and at that point in that juncture, I would eat the whole thing. Right. I would definitely... It would definitely serve just that purpose. In terms of sopping up that hangover residual booze

and maybe making me feel slightly less vomitous and head achy, but as just a thing to eat, it's fucking disgusting. Disgusting. It's funny because as a pizza leftover, man, I don't like cold pizza. I don't like a leftover cold pizza. I think I prefer it, but go on. Oh, interesting.

But if you were to microwave this slice, I would throw up. I wouldn't want to touch a microwave version of a day-old microwave 7-Eleven. We just had a paper towel incident. I tried to hand-cool up a roll of paper towels, and I didn't hold onto it well. It was my fault. Sorry.

You were trying to rip it off, and I thought you were trying to take it, so... The paper towel incident is a cool college band. Yeah, yeah. There you go, Mitch. Oh, it's not good. Yeah, really bad. And the aftertaste is not great.

Yeah, I feel like I need some mouthwash. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this. No, no, I mean, it's good for what this show is. The consistent torture of you and I. Yeah, no, I would leave this behind for sure. Yeah, this one gets left behind. And if you heated this up, I think it would actually be worse.

Yeah. Yeah, buttery. Is it really buttery for you guys or something? The aftertaste is real. Kind of, yeah. What the fuck is wrong with 7-Eleven? I love 7-Eleven for other reasons, but... Great beverages.

The food is very bad. What the fuck is wrong with this food? Right. Although 7-Eleven's in other countries regionally great. Great, oh really? Yeah. I just feel like it would be like... I don't understand the disc.

I don't know what's going wrong over there. Why is the food so... There's a couple things that they can do pretty well. And when I was younger, I loved bakery sticks. I told you this before with pepperoni bakery sticks, but I mean, I feel like because those were just so easy to handle, like is it because some of the stuff they're trying to make is too complicated or what?

I just don't get it. I think it's just so processed. To make something that resembles pizza that's going to hold up under 7-Eleven conditions with their number of stores. So it's like two weeks or something. Right. Yeah, okay.

It's just, I think it's just so heavily processed and has so much stuff added to it that it just don't the longer food. But I feel like this shit gets eaten all the time. That's the crazy part of it is that like the 7-Eleven food, I feel like people do eat it all the time. Like I go in there and I see people eating that food constantly. If you're broke or if it's 3 a.m. and you're broke,

what else are you going to do, you know? I always see people who either work late or work early and they're getting like a hot dog or getting a sandwich or getting something like that. When I used to work 6 a.m. shifts, I would like often go into 7-Eleven or 7-Eleven before work and it would just be like a line of people just getting, everyone's getting coffee and a lot of people are getting

just various food stuff just to get them through their morning. It should be better food. It should be. It would be nice if it was a little better. Step it up. All right. That was the leftovers. Just like a restaurant value feedback.

Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Martin Ryan. Martin writes, I'm wondering where the dough boys stand on guacamole and aburrito. I contend that it's much better served as a side and severely throws off the texture of aburrito when included in the wrap. I know this is a controversial opinion

in our avocado crazed climate, but I've been finding recently that some people side with me love always Martin. Thanks, Martin. Cool up. What do you feel about guacamole and aburrito? I love it. You like guac in there?

I love avocado. I'm one of those folks. Right. Me too. I love avocado. This is a 90s theme episode. You brought up Cooper earlier. Yeah. And then we got a letter for Martin.

What are you? What? Hanging with Mr. Cooper and then Martin Lawrence. And Martin's show, okay. Wow. You look mad. I thought you were, I was like, do we talk about Martin Prince?

I didn't realize you were talking about the sitcom, Martin. Ooh, Martin Prince too. There's another 90s guy. Yeah, he's still around. Still with us. I actually agree with this. Now here's the deal. One of my favorite places,

which we have not covered on the show, is Paquito Mas. And they put guacamole in their burrito and it's great. And they just do a good job of kind of, like where you don't get too much of it. It's kind of a tomato-y guacamole. It doesn't overtake the burrito. And they do a really great job with it.

If I go to Chipotle and get guac in a burrito, it just, they plop on too much. It overtakes it. I'd rather get the cheese and the rice and the sour cream taste from that burrito. And then yeah, I feel the same way with like when I go to like Cactus, Tacari and stuff, I feel like there's too much other good stuff

and I feel like the guacamole kind of overpowers it. So I'm on board with Martin. Yeah, no, I think it just is, it can be just a little much. Burritos, I think, are all about distribution of ingredients. When I've had a subpar burrito, it's like, the worst is, as I talked about with my burger, when it falls apart. Like that's the worst case.

But if you're- A cold pocket in your burrito, have you got like too much in one ingredient? Right. Yeah, and you got like a cold pocket in your burrito? Right. Aside from falling apart, the uneven distribution of ingredients is what really screws up.

And yeah, the cold pocket you just hit on is a big thing. Like if you just get like all the guacamole in like one region and then the rest is like all meat, I've gotten like the seven layer burrito where it felt like all the layers were vertically stacked. So you're just getting like a bite of rice and then a bite of beef. Like it just like-

No, that's a rainbow roll. That's weird. Right, exactly. Make it all just sort of like mix in together. I feel like a burrito, you should like grab and be able to shake it up. Just sort of get everything distributed evenly in there like a chocolate milk, you know?

What? You want to like shake the contents of the burrito? I want to shake that burrito up. And then it'd be awesome if the tortilla had enough structural integrity where you could do that and then you'd be certain that all your different ingredients were getting distributed throughout. You're making-

See that, you got a representative bite. Each bite is represented of the entire whole. You're just getting ideal bites throughout. He was making a jack and off motion while he was doing this bottle. It was a burrito shake. I saw a shake off. A shake off.

Or what was that thing called? Shake weight. Shake weight, right. They're adjacent motions. But it wasn't- For sure. Yeah, it wasn't specifically jacking off. Why are you doing so close to your crotch?

That he was doing. But yeah, I mean like I kind of see Martin's point of maybe that you want that guacamole on the side and then so you can just sort of dip bite by bite and distribute it evenly. I have an open mind towards this possibility although it's not what I personally believe. I think if it's-

Unless it's Paquito Mas, I keep it off. Off entirely. I usually keep it off entirely. You love your burritos like you love your women tight and right? You don't like it when they're like all soppy and falling apart? Tight and right. Like right wing, does that mean? I don't know what I said.

I just started talking. Well, it's very established. I love the female. Oh, that's true. We have well established. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at dowboyspodcasts at gmail.com. Check out our Facebook page, Dowboys.

Follow us on Twitter at dowboyspod. Subscribe and rate us on iTunes. Hey, another chapter in the Battle of the Bald show. This one's in the books. I need to give a shout out to Elliott Wallace at One Rad Dad for the Spoon Man Drop because I didn't say it earlier. Thanks, Elliott.

Cool. Thank you so much for joining us. Anything you would like to plug at this point? Please check out Bajillion Dollar Properties on CISO. You can watch it on Roku on Amazon on CISO.com as soon to be on Apple TV. Believe Xbox as well. Seasons one and two are available.

Check it out. Stars Paula Tompkins, Drew Tarver, Mandel Maughan, Dan Adute, Ryan Gaul, Tony Newsome, and Timmy Baltz. Tons of very funny people and coming from a very funny person. Thank you. Check that out. With a guest appearance by yours, surely. That's right.

Season one, I believe. Yep. We love you, Coolsy. You're a guest that we... I think in the first... We tried to get you on in the first few, and maybe in the first dozen episodes. Yeah, we couldn't make the scheduling work early on

and then some time passed, but we finally got you in here and we're glad we could make it this happen. And we love you, yeah. I'd love to come back. Oh, we'd love to have you back any time. P.F. Changs, guys. P.F. Changs.

That'll do it for this episode of No Boys. Until next time, for The Spoonman, Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating. See ya.