Doughboys - Hot Dog on a Stick with Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Paul F. Tompkins (Threedom, The Neighborhood Listen, Stay F. Homekins) joins the 'boys to discuss summertime go-to's, McDonald's, and Heathcliff comics before a review of Hot Dog on a Stick. Plus, another edition of Slop Quiz. Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, everybody? It's your boy, The Spoon Man, and I want to talk to you about today's sponsor, Uber Eats. At Uber Eats, we've helped more than 400,000 restaurants across the U.S. reach new, hungry customers and deliver growth quickly through new orders. Uber's global platform can help you grow, reach new people, get valuable sales data, and unlock ways to expand with flexible delivery options. Put your business on Uber Eats. Get access to the Uber Eats platform, including valuable sales data to grow your business. Dig in to your data. Really dig in there, anytime, to monitor your performance and customer order trends. Wow. Wow.

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This is one of many colorful quotes from the 1977 fitness documentary, Pumping Iron, by an aspiring champion bodybuilder named Arnold Schwarzenegger, describing the feeling of lifting weights. Before he was the terminator and well before he was the governator, Arnold was a cocky young musclehead prepping for the Mr. Olympia competition at a fitness location he would help make legendary, Muscle Beach in Venice, California. The outdoor ocean view gym that made eye candy out of its hunky plate pushers had its origins along Walk North in Santa Monica and was the mecca of the nation's postwar fitness boom. But Muscle Beach has a decidedly unhealthy landmark in its immediate orbit, the original

beachside location of a corn dog, fried cheese and lemonade shack, known for its simple and densely caloric menu, as well as the outlandish primary color work uniforms of its often teenage workforce. The Look Ma no utensil stick-based concept would become a staple of shopping mall food courts. Its original Muscle Beach location shuttered during quarantine but has plans to reopen later this very year. Today, Dwayne The Rock Johnson is the reigning muscle-bound athlete turned action star and Gavin Newsom is the governor of the Golden State. But this so-cal heated dog emporium continues to bump out breaded beef with 45 locations now under the same ownership as

the similarly antithetical to fitness, Fat Burger. This week on Doughboys, hot dog on a stick. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger along with my co-host, a man with the face that launched a thousand chips, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. That was courtesy of Colt. Yeah, a heavy sigh. A little long sigh. I like to start things off hot. Start off hot here on the podcast. Colin Carato Colin Carato who writes, you can use my name, pronounce Carato. So there you go. I got it.

Ro Spoon Man at gmail.com. Wags I'm back from the Bayou. It's true. I left on just about 24 hours ago is when I got back. But I said goodbye to, I went down to Bourbon Street and I saw Bayou Billy. He said, you're leaving me already? I said, I'm going. I'm afraid to do this bit because our guest is funny. That's what's tricky. You get one of the greats in here. You get self-conscious. I'll close my eyes. He said, you're taking off already? And I said, I'm going. He said,

not before. We got one last. We got one last New Orleans night. And I said, okay. And so we went over. We got some grilled oysters. We went to Acme and then we went right across the street to Felix's Wags. Wow. What a night. You spent with Bayou Billy, the 1980s Nintendo video game protagonist. I would want to ask Bayou Billy. Bayou Billy. There was a video game called Bayou Billy. What an adaptation. Original IP. Konami for some reason. In the 80s decided they just wanted to make a game about a Louisiana shit kicker named Bayou Billy who walks around punching gators. It's baffling.

Well, that's who I spent my last night in New Orleans with. I can't even do it. I was going to try to do stuff, but our guest is too funny. This is like the reason why we- Y'all, you got to be careful when you try to build. There we go. It's like trying to best the devil in a game of chess when you try to do a hacky bit in front of a funny guest. I couldn't do it. I felt like Eminem at the, an eight mile. I blew it, Wags. I just went silent.

Mom's spaghetti. Which we, what we call gumbo. Here's Bayou Billy. If you can see him, you get a look at Bayou Billy there. That's, they made a video game around this guy. Just like a, just like a big barrel chested man with a knife. Hold on a second. When you say they made a video game around this guy, he was not like a real guy. No, that's what's baffling about it. They created this character for this game. The only thing

I can think of is that maybe it has, it's adjacent to like the, that, that Australian like phase of the American of fascination with Australia that's kind of like, I guess the Bayou is kind of America's Australia, you know? And so maybe that's, that he's sort of a crocodile Dundee, I guess, but it's, it's still, it's still a really strange game. Well Wags, down in the Bayou, Mom's spaghetti is actually called Yakamine. This is true. Wow. And it's made, made by Miss Linda Green. And I had some Miss Linda Green Yakamine when I was down there. It was delicious Wags, but

It's delightful. I'm going to stop doing the voice immediately because I'm scared. Look, it's the reason that we probably ask you to come on once in a blue moon is cause we think you're funny and we think we're annoying and it's a bad show. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. I remember when we did Doe Boys, not Doe Boys, we, it was comedy, it was the comedy Bang Bang tour. Yes.

This is a long time ago when we were in Boston and the birthday boys opened for it. And you, and you did a Warner Herzog and you started to talk about Good Will Hunting. And my buddy Dano came up and like thanked you for the bit afterwards. I don't know if you remember. I do remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was, it was a, this is probably 10 years ago now almost, but um, but just the levels of how funny you were that night and the way the audience reacted to you and then to try to do some bullshit where we're doing a hacky Cajun accents. It's just not going to, we'll save it for the, who, who do we have on the next episode? Do we

got Koalic? Yeah. Koalic's going to be here. We can go on a long run about, yeah, we'll go on a long run then. Yeah. Yeah. The Gato's down here. Hungry for crawl dads. Koalic eats it up. This is good. That's not any different than the shit that I do, really. It's really not. I was, by the way, shout out Dano and, and, and, and very funny people in, in Boston just real quick. He swapped hats with John Hodgman. They did a hat trade like a Jersey swap. They did.

He now has Hodgman's hat and Hodgman has his hat. Did they have an Alouette's hat? Was that what it was? It was some, yeah, some minor league hockey team. And then, and Dano gave him his Detroit Tigers hat. Yeah. They swapped. And then the next morning, Dano woke up in Hodgman's body. It was like a, it was like a freaky Friday. That's interesting, but in Providence, Rhode Island on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour this year,

Ryan Gaul swapped pants with somebody in the audience. Wow. Wow. Wow. Call and raise. He, he went out there and called on a guy and said, well, let's, let's change pants. He's, you know, doing this weird character. And then he started to take his own pants off and the guy came forward and then he took his pants off. They switched pants and it

was like they both magically fit each other. You would not have guessed it because the, the guy in the audience seemed a head taller than Ryan was kind of a big looking guy. Yeah. And they both, it was magic. It was true magic. Wow. If he tried that at a Doughboy's live show, he hopefully would have suspenders because those things are not going to stay up. Be like a Jared Subway ad.

It's always good to hear his name again. Hope he's doing okay. Mix the rights. Mitch, you got to play your job so we could get our guest in here. Oh, yes. Ah. How'd it happen? To Spoon Nation.

Ugh. And here wigs. Here wigs is a little drop. Do you know who pocket dialed me recently was Mike Mitchell. You used to call me all night. Mike Mitchell. Of Doughboys? You used to, you used to.

The Spoonman. Doughboys. Spoony. Spoonman. Spoon Nation. Yeah. Do you know who pocket dialed you? You used to call me on my cell phone. Yes.

Let me see if they stop. Play night when you need my love. Doughboys. Call me on my cell phone. Don't have the um. I've been to you so many times. Yeah, yes. Play night when you need my love.

Hot dog. Listen, here's Mike saying hello. That can only mean one thing. Hot dog. He called me. He sounds so lost. Hello. That can only mean one thing.

Hello. Since I left the city. If you are hearing my voice right now, tell Mike Mitchell to get his shit together. Doughboys. Wow. Wags. This is, this is, this was the start of the episode is the infamous pocket dial. I had no idea that I pocket dialed you, Paul.

Um, just give credit to this drop. But you still said hello. Yeah, what happened there? So I said, I just said that on your voice message. I said hello. Like I would like, I, You said hello. Like I called you.

What the hell was going on? Only you can answer that question. Mike. Who sent the drop in? Um, hello Dougham. The three dumb gang. Scott Paul and Lauren. We're talking about how Mitch pocketed out PFT on a recent episode.

And I immediately thought of making this drop. It's my first drop submission. So hope you like it. Also, shout out to my boy PJ in Milwaukee. I convinced him to attend your cover show with me a few weeks back. Oh, a few years back. And he became another sick fuck listener. We just dragged our girlfriends to the cop show.

And they had a blast to all my love to Mitch, Nick, Emma, Amelia, Drop King and the ghost of you song. AP Bradley. Wow. Wow. Thanks AP. Good drop. Good drop.

Quality drop. Good job. Good job. Good guest from the podcast three dumb as well as the neighborhood lesson and stay of homekins. Paul F. Tompkins is back. Hi Paul. Hi.

Hello. Everybody looks wonderful. It's good to see you all. We're very happy to have you back. What a treat to have you back. It's been a while. It's been a while. It's been a it's it's been a minute as they say and part of the

impetus for having you back is that you shouted us out on on you shouted Mitch out at least on three dumb. And we're like, we haven't had PFT on for a while. We got a PFT back in here. When was I here last good McDonald's. The last time we had you on was we had you for McDonald's but I but we also had you on as part of our doathon which was released as an episode.

You came. Yes. The tail end. I was losing my mind. I could see through time and I did not really know what was happening but you came on here with Arden and with with with the aforementioned Hodgman and the three of you were so funny and you really pushed us against across the finish line.

That was really fun. That was a quarantine fun time. An absolute treat. We probably sounded like I did on that voicemail of the hello like the lost a little bit scared. He did not sound like that. PFT I wanted to ask you about the we're in the midst of this heat wave.

It's very hot right now although we you know we're in September oftentimes the hottest month I feel like in SoCal. What do you like to eat when it gets a bright and sunny out? Oh my God. I don't know that I've ever thought about that before if I have like a thing that I go to unconsciously because it is hot out. Yeah.

I mean obvious. You know what a big thing for me that is a bummer that I don't like watermelon and I wish I did. That is a bummer. I wish that I love watermelon. But it's just like nothing to me. You know it's like LaCroix. That's rough.

Yeah. I like artificial watermelon. Give me that the fake watermelon tastes great. Like a Jolly Rancher. Like a Jolly Rancher. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

If I cut open a watermelon and it was just Jolly Rancher watermelon inside I'd be very happy. More flavor than actual watermelon. Yes. Watermelon is it feels like I mean the closer you get to the rind it's just game over. But it feels like it has to be like the very center. It's like going to like the earth's like just the core of the

earth. It feels like it's what tastes good. You start with the core. You work your way up to the mantle and you don't want to mess with a crust because that's like the yeah it's it's there. There's nothing there. But but but I. Watermelon or with the.

You are talking to watermelon. Okay. I'm talking to watermelon. What do you think I was talking. I didn't know if you meant actual earth. Our seeds. The more like that. Oh no.

Don't do that. No. That was the planet. That was Galactus. Galactus. I shouldn't. It's my fault for trying to do a Marvel. Some sort of Marvel reference.

I don't know that shit. There's seedless watermelons now. Oh yeah. But you know what even seedless watermelons sometimes have seeds in them. I've been. What are we doing. You know what I mean.

What's the point. They'll have the occasional seed. You said something about seeds being more locks. They're the more. Of the of the watermelon. If the watermelon is the earth. So I said it twice not worth going back to. It was absolutely worth it.

It was a blessing that nobody heard. I like it. I see this watermelon may as well be a Doughboy's host. No seed. Big round fucking tasteless. What are your go tos. What are your summertime go tos. Nick.

Great question. Thank you for throwing back at us. I have no I. I don't really. I mean lemonade is kind of my summertime go to but I fuck. I love a lemonade. You know who makes it good. That old.

That old devil Newman. Paul Newman. Paul Newman that old devil. The old that old devil Newman Newman's own lemonade is. And I made. Very good beverage trickster himself. Paul Newman. Yeah.

I like a good lemonade. But honestly like all it's so many. It's just so much sugar that I feel like I want to get like a. Fresh lemonade. If I'm going to go for a lemonade I want to go to a place that has like a. Fresh squeezed or like a house lemonade. I want to do that. I don't want to get like a country time out of a fountain.

You don't want some Newman's own. I know it's okay. But I mean I'm just like it's it's if I'm going to if I'm going to take the. Chloric hit. Of that much liquid sugar. I want to have a good lemonade otherwise. Yeah. A nice tea is refreshing.

But. Food wise I think like a you know like I just like grill classics. Like you know like a like a like like burgers and. Yeah burgers and dogs. I mean I think those always get the job done. Yeah I love a hot dog. Absolutely. And also like I there's something about in particular about a soft serve cone.

I think because. I just think of like my the the public pool had like a little like kiosk where. You know in my home town of like California. When they have a little shack there that's the best. Yeah it's the fucking best. Yeah I got one for you. Lobster roll. Oh that's good.

I had a lobster roll recently. Where was it when we were on tour. And he came on like a hamburger bun. Fascinating. It was really weird. And it wasn't good. It tasted like nothing. And it was weird that it was on that bun.

Was this in the New England area? It was in New England. Yeah. Oh no. Well you know what a lot of they'll serve the lobster roll in a hot dog bun a lot. Like a grilled hot dog bun. It was was not that though. No.

This is bad. What I said. They knew you weren't from the area. They did the New England swap. It's a little trick they do. They saved the good. They could get away with the hamburger bun with this fucking yeah. Much like that old devil Newman were a bit of tricksters up there in the New England

area. Upstairs. In the upstairs of America. Yeah. Upstairs of America. You got the attic in Maine. Yeah. I think we were Newman.

Here's where I think Newman's own missed the boat on something. Sure. Newman's own hard boiled eggs. A little shout out to his. Cool. I'm judging. Yeah. I mean.

I'm judging by both you going silent. That's a bad idea. No. I get. I understand the reference. I got the reference. It's just that I did. I just you don't see hard boiled eggs sold at the retail level really.

Like it's like like ready to read hard boiled eggs or all that much of a hot item. Who's currently number one in hard boiled egg sales. If you had to guess. It's a Redford. That's why you never did it. I see. Yeah. Of course.

With his friend. Yeah. Then maybe just Newman's Newman's own eggs. How about just eggs and then on the. Sure. In the package you could write something like like easy to hard boil or you know what I mean. Something like that.

Sure. If he was going to do it he should have made a dozen hard boiled eggs. It comes in a regular egg carton but it's big letters hard boiled and then and then and then the words it's easy. That would have been fun. A fun limited time time item I think I think that's not I think that would be like a novelty. I don't think that's every April fools he would do it. Yeah.

There you go. How dead is Newman. Is he dead. 100%. Okay. He's been dead for he's been dead for a while. All right. Are you asking is there a chance he could come back.

He'll be the first or I guess second person to come back from the grave. Is he zombie dead Dracula dead human dead. That's what I was kind of on 2008 died in 2008. Never didn't live to see President Obama. He's been dead for a while long ago. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

RIP amazing career full head of hair up through old age which is amazing. Beautiful beautiful man. I wonder if you ever got to see the birthday boys hot dog in the UCB stage show ran from 2007 to 2008. I wonder if you ever wonder did Paul Newman see that show at UCB. I don't know. I don't see it on his Wikipedia. Yeah.

We can ask Joanne Woodward. She's still alive. I'll check his kids. He has kids right. I don't think he's none of his kids went into show business. I don't think fascinating. Joanne Woodward. That does seem out.

Joanne Woodward still alive. Oh good for her. Joanne Woodward 92. Dang. 92. That's a life baby. Yeah. What are his kids up to.

At this one like Newman's like Newman's own crypto. Is that one of his children is like owns a crypto. That might push me over the edge. I might buy crypto. They want all went into hot air ballooning. Is that true. I'm looking at one of his one of his daughters. Nell Newman runs the Newman's own brand.

So that makes sense. That's a natural career path. And then a slick name to Nell Newman. It's a good name. Yeah. Sad story. His son died very young. His son died.

Scott Newman died at age 28. And then his other. And then he had six kids. Very fertile. Dang. Yeah. Poor. Yeah.

He was the Nick Cannon of his day. Cannon's own. Can I say something real quick. That is somewhat related to heat wave eats and burgers specifically. Which is that Mitch you know I had a birthday recently. I'm not a big birthday guy. But I do you know I'd like the thing that Natalie and I do. We both have birthdays in the same month and we both kind of just do.

We're both very low key individuals in general. And we could both kind of do the thing of like on our best. Like hey what do you want to like you can you can pick dinner. You know it's just like you whatever you want to get. And and and so I decided. I got fucking McDonald's Mitch. I went to McDonald's. And you know what.

I had something that I have not eaten in over 18 months. Because you know in the year of our Lord 2021. No meat shall I eat. And then in 2022 I have not been eating red meat for the most part. I had a big Mac. Wow. I have not had a big Mac since 2020. Yeah.

That consists of two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun. You got it nailed it. Yeah. You would want a million dollars. Right. If you remember in the early in the 80s I believe if someone could just sing that song is that what it was if you could just if you could complete the

song. Yeah. I forget it was it must have been there must have been something more to it than that. I think from my memory there was a there was a you got sent a record. There was like like you could get a record when you bought a meal like an actual vinyl record of the song of the song. And if the song completed you want a million dollars or something like that.

I think that's why this is why our planet is dying. They're both stunts like that. They were just like we're going to give everybody garbage. We're going to print up a bunch of shit that goes straight to a landfill. Paul. God. I've kept my record of the McDonald's big Mac song that some of them don't even go all the way.

Some of them don't go all the way. And I've kept mine. I still listen to it. So just to prove you wrong. When what what are the moments where you find yourself listening to it. You know Christmas Eve. Yeah. When I'm back home.

Yeah. You're thinking about all the presents you're going to get. I still am a present fan. There's a part of this wish. Oh sorry. I was about to say how I wish Santa still exists. But I think what you're going to say is more important Nick. No it's not.

None of this shit is important. I was just going to say that I this is the hearing about this promo. I was like OK these records must be going for a pretty penny on eBay. Now this one from this is a this is one of those the million dollar menu song. And it's a record that's going for 13. 1399. So. 1988 was the year.

Yeah. 14 bucks you can get one of these bad boys. It was it was 1989. Yeah. 1988 was the year. 88. 88. Yeah.

So I was six years old. It was interesting that fuck you. I think it's interesting that you that you phrase it. I wish Santa Claus still exists. Not. I wish I still believed in Santa. Yeah. I kind of blaze past it.

Or I guess. I wish Santa existed at all but still exists. I guess my wording was strange. What do you know maybe did exist. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think you let slip something that you weren't supposed to. I wish I was still alive.

People think I'm getting big because of the podcast but it is a Tim Allen Santa Santa Claus situation. Oh man presents are coming on like December 27. December 27. We had McDonald's twice on tour in one month. I haven't done that since I was a child I think. Wow. Wow.

What did you think? It was great. What did you get? What's your what's your order at a McDonald's? My go to is double quarter pounder with cheese. Great order. You say that. It was good both times.

Yeah. Literally on the first night of our tour we got McDonald's after giving up pretty easily. We did. Yeah. Night one. Night one of our tour. We got McDonald's. And it was fucking great.

No fast food. Near hours later. All right. I just want to say I'll just say my Big Mac assessment because I also got a double cheeseburger. Those were my two beefy items from McDonald's and the double cheeseburger was fucking terrific. The Big Mac was good and it was as I remembered it. It was a well made Big Mac. We went to a good McDonald's.

But Mitch, I kind of think that that might just be my final Big Mac. I don't know if I need to go back and have another Big Mac. I feel like I'm just like, you know what? I'm good. I'm good for Big Macs. I'm glad that I got it. It's what I was craving, but I don't know if I need to do it again. I can't tell if you're just over it or if you're going to be dead in a week or something.

I can't tell what you're trying to tell me here. I'm going to be joining Santa pretty soon. Let's just say that. Nick's with Santa now. Don't cry. That's my mom trying to explain it to me. They're together having so much fun. Last Big Mac.

That's a bold statement, Nick, to say you're done. Well, what it was, it was like, this was really good. I'm enjoying it, but this isn't a thing. I was just like, fuck, I'm going to crave this regularly. If I was like, hey, I'm going to get a burger. I just need to get a burger. I think I would probably get a Wendy's burger or I might get certainly an In-N-Out burger. I'd get something like that or go to the Apple Pan or a Pine burger.

Go to a proper local burger institution. Here's a question for you. 15 years from now, 20 years from now, we're still alive in the scenario. Do you? Yeah, we're doing all of Garden 9 with guest Matt Koalic. Koalic's back every one. All of Garden 9? Yeah.

I feel like that's low. I was going to ask, they do an impossible Big Mac. Are you in? Yeah, I'd have that for sure. Because that McPlant, which we had with our buddy Eric, it was fucking great. The McPlant was great. Eric Edelstein. The thing about the Big Mac to me is always that middle bun kind of makes it a little

too much for me. It's a little bread-y. I feel like it gets in the way of the other flavors. Natalie has the same assessment and she wasn't going to yuck my yum, but she doesn't get a Big Mac for that reason. Right. I wouldn't have it any other way, but I get the bread-iness situation. There's a chicken Big Mac, right?

The UK had a chicken Mac. It's being tested in some US markets. Yeah, it looks pretty good. Hey, I'd try that. I'd mess with a chicken Big Mac. Why not? Don't you think that extra layer of bun kind of keeps things together? Oh, I was going to show you my soup.

That's right. We talked about this in advance. This was an off-mic tease that we're all very excited about. I'm going to show you the soup. I hadn't taken a bite of the soup. I put my spoon in, but I'm not going to say where it's from because it's a place that I like, but I put my spoon in. I hadn't taken a bite of the soup.

This is what the soup looked like. Mitch has turned his phone around to show us the camera. It looks like a, you know, it looks very rustic. It looks like kind of a goulash. What exactly is going on there, Mitch? It's a big red bowl. It's a tomato soup. There's a little bit, no, little bits of bread in the soup.

Had you thrown that in there? No, that's how it comes. It comes with the bread in it. So it comes with some croutons in there. There's a lot of red in there. Doesn't that look almost like half a cup of soup? Oh, that's what you're... Yeah, it's hard to gauge because you're looking at a top down.

So it's hard to tell it's depth. You're saying that your issue with it is not because I thought you were like, okay, this soup is going to look gross or something. That's the depth. That's the depth. And then that, and then here is, this is the soup. Okay, I see. So it looks like there's not that much soup in there.

It's pretty low. Yeah. So that was your issue. It wasn't that the soup was gross that they didn't give you enough soup. Yeah, I don't think they gave me enough soup. I agree. I think the container should be filled. Yeah, I agree.

It should be filled. And did you call out the soup? Did you call out the place or no? I didn't call out the place, no. Do you want to now on, Mike? I'll say it. Why do you have to bleep it? Because I liked them and I also found a paper towel in my salad one time when I went there.

Well, now people are going to know what it is. Now everyone knows what it is. People will know. You found? Because you said that you identified this chain in a previous episode. No, we bleeped it out actually. Yeah, no, they figured it out. Okay.

They figured it out. I thought that I was eating chicken and I cut into a paper towel and put it in my mouth. Was it like, I'm sorry, forgive me for not having heard this classic episode of Joe Boys, but was it, was the paper towel under the salad? It was under the salad. It was rolled up. Rolled up. This is, but it's Tender Greens.

Come on. It was Tender Greens. Tender Greens, you're doing Mitch Dirty. First, this paper towel incident and now you're being stingy with the soup. Come on. I know. Fill her up. I like it too.

I like it too. I like it too. Do you remember when, I feel like Tender Greens came out and Paul, you probably know this of it would be a lunch in the show biz world. Yes. Tender, Tender Greens would be a lunch option all the time. Yes. And then people got so sick of it.

People were like, Hey, and I'm like, this place is very good. Tender Greens is very good. Yeah. And man, we're going to have to bleep it so many times. But I don't think we have to bleep it unless Paul wants to bleep it. I don't want to believe it. I want to put them on blast. So PFT wants to keep it in.

So I think we keep it in. So I feel like they've gotten better. I feel like the paper towel incident was like the low end. But this is the funny thing to me is that it's now hard to get goods outside of sweet greens. I like a nice good tasting salad. And they do have good tasting salads except for the one time there's a paper towel in it. Right. And I think that that's odd that LA is now harder to find for me.

I feel like Tender Greens kind of lost it. I feel like if you're in the Hollywood system now, if you're writing on a show, you're going to get sweet greens. I feel like that's like the one and only option. Maybe. I think people were foolish to start treating Tender Greens as if it were a cuckoo roux. Because Tender Greens is far superior and you can feel a little healthier. It's not going to like slow you.

It's not going to weigh you down over the course of the day. 100%. And they did. They treated it like cuckoo roux. Couldn't put it better. That's great. Great. Great assessment.

Great assessment. When I worked in the video game industry that sometime like, you know, because we were getting, we'd get to the point where they'd be getting us dinner every night because we were just crunching and we're working like fucking 12 hour days. And it was a nightmare. And so you should tell Paul how you started your day with a Snickers candy bar in a mountain dew. Is that what you used to have?

I would have my morning breakfast. This was when I worked at Activision. I would get a vending machine meal of a Snickers bar, a black coffee, and a mountain dew code red. That every morning. First thing. Oh, I can't. Really rough.

No bad. Really rough. Yeah. The janitor is just shaking, looking you or in your fucking breakfast. Anyway, so, but, but like we would get Kukuru a lot for dinners. And they would get us a, you know, like, and it was every, like it just reached a point where people are just like, not fucking Kukuru. Yeah.

Can't do Kukuru anymore. Kukuru, people don't know it. It's like rotisserie chicken, but it's not like quality rotisserie chicken. I almost feel bad for Kukuru now. Maybe it's turning things around. I don't know if Kukuru even exists. Maybe we should have traded Kukuru like Kukuru is the, is the bottom line. Maybe Kukuru.

Wow. The only Kukuru I remember is the one near the, the tarp, the La Brea Tower pits. That's the one I remember. Right. That Kukuru. There was the one I remember was the, the Larchmont one. Which is now the Chipotle. There was a Kukuru in Santa Monica and it became a Fudruckers and then the Fudruckers closed

against Space's vacant. Yeah. So that was, but apparently it was Kukuru was closed by its parent company in 2014. So completely. Also it's gone. Completely defunct now. Yeah. And out of shame, right?

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We are here with our guest, the great Paul F. Tompkins, podcast royalty. Delighted to have you back. For Hot Dog Gonna Stick, a chain we've never reviewed, Mitch. Oh, I didn't realize that. Wow. Yes, Hot Dog Gonna Stick founded in 1946 at Muscle Beach in Santa Monica, California. Oh, hell yeah. So this is a cow chain.

The original location is currently closed, but it's slated to reopen this month. Mitch, I mentioned that I had an interaction when I went to the Hot Dog Gonna Stick, IRL, and the guy in line behind me was an older guy with a walker and also like my hair. That's just like too long for someone my age, except he was like 30 years older than me. And he was like waiting in line at Hot Dog Gonna Stick, and he was on a first name basis with a staff. It was like Biff Tannen meeting like future Biff Tannen and back to the future, too, was like, this is a real ghost of Doughboys future here.

It was real gnarly. That's not a place. That's not a place you can be on first name basis with the staff. You should never, never go there so many times that you even see the same people. And he was anyway. Both you and future, you went and ate your Hot Dog Gonna Stick watching the Muscle Beach guys work out. Is that still a thing, by the way?

It is, but I think it's more down towards Venice. I think like it's, but yeah, there are people still work out on the beach to be seen there. And but anyway, that the original location, he was asking about it. He was like, has the Muscle Beach location reopened yet because he's excited to revisit it. Yeah. I was going to say, speaking of Hackey, we could do Arnold at the Hot Dog on the stick back in the day.

It'd be as, as Hackey is our bio guy, and I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. We can't do it. We won't sink to those levels. Do it a little bit. Mitch, do it a little bit. One turkey dog on a stick. I'll be back for seconds.

Oh, that was, I got to give it, can I give, I just want to give it to Wyger for the fact that he used an Arnold saying instead of just ordering something in his voice, which was instead of trying to become Arnold in the way that you did, Mitch. There about 40 hot dog and stick locations in the US and it's been licensed internationally. So apparently there's some in Korea and other other locales across the sea and it is owned by Fat Brands, Mitch, which also owns Fat Burger, Johnny Rockets, Round Table Pizza, and Twin Peaks, which is a restaurant. Oh, Twin Peaks.

Yeah. We just discovered Twin Peaks on tour. Jess McKenna and Wil Hines and Lisa Gilroy. Where were we? We were in Detroit in, in Michigan, and we were up there just recently. When they came. Well, good. Congrats.

They, congrats. They, they got to the, when they got to the show, they were backstage and they said, we went to this place, Twin Peaks. They assumed it was a Twin Peaks themed restaurant. And then while they were there for a couple of minutes, it slowly dawned on them that it's just a sort of rustic Hooters that the idea is that the, the Twin Peaks are women's breasts. Yeah.

It's like a runchier Hooters. Yeah. And they're, they're loyalty program at Twin Peaks. You can get your man card and you get points on that towards various purchases. Oh my God. Yeah. It's 1,000% disgusting. But the nerve.

Well, we'll be reviewing it soon. Yeah. For man month, the Doughboys, we've got man month coming. Perfect. It's time. Is that? Is that March? You call it Manch?

Manch, yeah. It's pretty good. It sounds like ranch too. I looked, I looked it up because I was, I knew it was at one of these chains, one of these Hooters likes and it was, it was Twin Peaks where there was that, that biker gang shootout in Waco, Texas. Wow. Where nine bikers were killed and, and, and there were 18 people injured.

And 177 arrests. Oh my God. Totally insane. Jesus. Yeah. They away from Waco, everybody. That stuff goes down. Paul, had you had a hot dog going to stick before?

Cause I'll confess. Never had it. I, I've been a bunch. And in fact, when I worked in the video game industry, I'd go to a hot dog going to stick for lunch sometimes. Not surprising. There was a, we were, we were near the, we were near the, we were near the, we were near a mall that had a hot dog going to stick in the food court and I'd go there.

And, and I, Was it, was it the, the Beverly center have hot dog on a stick? Beverly center may have had one. I was, this is the West side pavilion, which is now being turned into Google's headquarters. Google's like LA headquarters. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Very cool. But that was the mall I used to, we used to go to. Mitch, how about you? I was just looking up Arnold quotes to see if there was anything else for that. Okay. And there's one that really works is stick around. That's one from predator. Um, but I mean, I guess,

Because a hot dog going to stick hot. Yeah. Hot dog on a stick. Yeah. And then of course, like Austin, LaVista, corn dog, you could say if you wanted. Um, Uh, sure. I'm not really an attempted upon, but

I used to beat you. Also going to get some more ice in my lemonade. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. No good. No good. Ha, ha, ha. We liked it.

It's, it, it's a, I mean, there's nothing, I can't do puns like Utaknic, but there's, there's, there's a lot that could've, you've just been erased. There's a lot of things he could be saying as he's finished on the corn dog, but there's the point. You just. You know what, guys, feel free to hit, feel free to hit us up with a hashtag

Arnold at hotdog on a stick and just give us, give us your best Arnold quotes and we'll retweet some of them. And, you know, points for you if you do a little voice memo and send it as well. Why? We might play that in the show. I was, I want to go back quickly to that Kukuru because that miracle, I lived near, I lived on Miracle Mile, basically. I lived right off of Mirac, I lived right off of Miracle Mile on Citrus Avenue

back in the day. I lived at 645 South Citrus. I don't know if that matters to give out my old address, but that was it. I mean, Psycho's will drive by it, bothers people living there now. So sure. And that, that row, that Kukuru row right there on Miracle Mile, Kukuru, Kukuru, which actually, you know what? I think at one point was the comedy bang bang radio studio was right down there

too, right? Wasn't it at CBS? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. But that, that restaurant row, I thought that I had it so great back in the day there, you got Kukuru, Baja Fresh. Yeah.

There was a couple others there. There was like a Marie Calender's there. Good Marie Calender's there, yeah. And, but all of those are like, are like husks, I feel like now, right? Like Marie Calender's, we went to one with, with Scott Ackerman and it's, and we do up, it's holding on for, it felt like it was holding on for dear life. Baja Fresh, Nick, we've gone over this a few times or we thought that that was like one of the good burrito places and it was back in the day and it just is

gotten destroyed by. It's really fallen off. It was bought by Wendy's and yeah, it's, it's just sort of gradually the quality eroded. Yeah, I know one thing that went in that stretch is they threw in a, they put a counter burger in there and that was, you know, counter, counter's pretty solid. I'll get counter on occasion. And you know who's right across the street from there?

Speaking of Hackey, Peter Griffin, the family guy office is right across the street. Really? I didn't know that. That is true. Wow. Do you think a Quagmire ever gets lunch at that Marie Calender's? I mean, I mean, Cleveland.

Who, who's Quagmire? He's a funny guy. Okay. I've never seen a full episode of this show and so I know, I think I know Peter Griffin, Lois, Brian is the son, Brian is the son, Stewie is the baby, and there's a dog, Brian is a dog, Brian is a dog, Chris is the son, Chris, Chris is the son. Never.

I couldn't. I love how this is the top family guy comes up and Emma's like, I got to get on Mike. I got, I got to, I got to, I have fallen asleep to family guy so many times. Yeah. Wow. It's, Paul, I wonder what we, I wonder what you would, I wonder if you would enjoy family guy.

I think family guy is funny. I, and, and, and funny people. I know, you know, I've worked on it. Carl Tartt loves family guy. Carl loves family guy. Who's funnier? And he, he loves the show. I think lots of funny, I think it's a, it's a generational thing.

People younger than us, it's, it's like this, it's like what the Simpsons was to me, you know, for them. Give me a roses, rose comic strip. I'm a Drabble man myself. I like the lock horns. I don't, I haven't read like the funnies in a million years and I have no idea what's out there anymore. Cause I'm sure there's some like ancient stuff that is still going on.

Like a great grandson has taken it over and it's, you know, survived into the 21st century, but I have, I just have no idea what's out there. Well, that's what happens with Heathcliff. Heathcliff has, has passed ownership to, you know, it's like three authors removed from the original creator now. And the current person who right, who writes Heathcliff is a fucking maniac and just does like these weird, like Dadaist punchline, absent, you know, single panels that are just confusing.

They're just like Tomes. Yeah. Nick, Nick is, Nick is Mathis. Dilbert takes place on the Capitol steps now every comic strip. He's a super right wing asshole, right? Yeah. Scott Adams. Yeah.

Any name searches. So let's see. Let's see if I can find some Heathcliff comics. We'll just sit silently as you search them out of respect. George Gately is the, was the original author. Okay. Wait, here we go. Okay.

Let me, this, this one, you know what? This one is probably too good of a joke for a typical Heathcliff. Let me, I think I disagree. I think I like Heathcliff. I, I've kind of come around on it, but we'll, I'll share this one. Okay. So here's the first one. So as we can see, this is an older man, I got to zoom in here.

Here we go. I'm zooming in. This is an older man. And he is, and he's walking out of a, of a, of an establishment. He's got Heathcliff balanced on his head. He's got a fishbowl balanced on top of Heathcliff's head. He's leaving the chiropractor and the punchline is he's a regular. Which I guess I kind of get the joke there.

I think there's kind of a joke there. It's kind of a punchline. Okay. Let's figure out what the joke is and see if we all agree. Okay. The I, okay. So on the one hand, the most obvious to me, I guess is because he's doing this stuff, he needs to go to the chiropractor a lot because he's constantly balancing

things on his head. Right. Or could it be that he goes to the chiropractor to be able to do this, which he couldn't do before, also somehow make a super back. I don't know what I'm saying. I think you're right. I think it's the super back scenario. It might be super back.

It doesn't make any sense at all. Also, that's what Heathcliff looks like now. This is what he looks like. Yeah, he's a little squad orange guy. All right. Here's one. He's doing a picture. This is pretty good.

This is pretty good art here. He's doing a paint. Heathcliff is doing a painting of the Jaws poster. In place of the swimming woman is his owner, I guess. I've never understood the relationship between them. This one made me laugh. And it says, you forgot to feed Heathcliff. This one's pretty good.

He's imagining his owner being eaten by a shark because he's hungry. That's good. All right. Right. But of course, the flaw is Heathcliff can paint in elaborate painting, but he can't feed himself. Can't operate a can opener. All right.

This one, this one is closer to a typical Heathcliff, I would say. This is closely closer to a replacement level. OK, this is tough. An older woman, she is sitting and she's got a jack in the box. And out of the jack in the box has popped a Heathcliff's head in place of the jack's head. And there's a little boy looking at the scene saying, eventually you'll meet him in person.

And also peeking around the corner at this, witnessing this unseen is Heathcliff himself. Is Heathcliff. Right. And I guess his owner's house, I don't know. I think in his owner's house. Has this lady been a super fan of his and was hoping to meet him some day? And then this is like baby steps towards meeting the actual Heathcliff.

Did Heathcliff make this kid do this? Yeah, he kind of seems like he's been put up to it. Especially with him looking over his shoulder. Yeah, is there a possibility that the man and woman are married? Oh, it's moved on to a new one. Yeah, they could be, but I don't know what their relationship is. All right, here's one. OK, this one is OK.

This OK. All right, you made your point. Very often what's happening in a Heathcliff is that we're seeing two characters who are witnessing the panel that we're witnessing and they're commenting. The dialogue is coming from them commenting on the action. So yeah, in this case, it's two birds in a tree. And we are seeing Heathcliff jump into the arms of not the same woman as the previous comic, a different older woman who's got her arms outstretched

on her porch. Heathcliff is jumping into her arms from a great height. It looks like from a great height. One of the birds is saying, is it four o'clock already? Now, this one, I just can't put the fuck are you talking about? I can't even tell it's. I can't even. That's a thing that they do at four o'clock.

I guess at four p.m. every day, Heathcliff takes like a running jump, goes 10 feet in the air and this woman waits for him to land. And they've done this so many times at the same hour that the birds have noticed and they are clocking this and saying, OK, we know what time it is because Heathcliff is doing this. And I don't know. I guess you are supposed to like bust a gut over that. This guy is just like marking time until he can pass it off to someone else.

Like, it's some deal like you will inherit this money if you can draw. You will inherit the Heathcliff fortune and then you can be done with it. Yes, it's like there was nothing in there about quality or making sense. We should talk about the portion is now. Yeah, yes, yes, let's talk it. Let's let's talk hot dog on a stick. I it's got to be pretty substantial for marketing. And yeah, it's not Garfield, but it's a pretty well known.

All the Heathcliff we see all over the place. So hold on, Nick. But look, we got we got to we got to close something up here quickly. OK, quickly. Yeah. Paul, I am sorry that I pocket dialed you. Mitch, that's fine. That's totally fine. I accept your apology.

It didn't impact my life negatively in any way. It was amusing, if anything. But thank you, I accept your apology. You're a good man. I it's it's horrifying to me that you would have had to overheard me like like talking to my mom or like like being like I'm Thai, you know, like just being a baby, like like just just hearing me. Change me one time.

One time, my wife pocket dialed me and she was talking with her mother and they were like taking a walk or something. And I started to listen and then I stopped because I really had an overwhelming feeling of, oh, no, this is none of your business. And I got really like freaked out, like, oh, shit. I like it went from funny to shameful for me in the space of five seconds. I've had that happen as well, where someone pocket and then I'll listen for a few minutes and then I and then I get out of there scared.

But but I I never I'm so confused as to what happened that I was saying hello to you. Just what a what a what a true what a true message. I think you must have taken your phone out of your pocket. You saw that a call was active and you thought someone had called you. Yeah. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And I guess I'm not in your phone and my name doesn't come up. That's not true. You are in my phone. So this makes it even whatever.

This makes it. No, it's cool. I don't have to be. And this makes it even more confusing. Well, look, we'll never get to the bottom of this. Yeah, well, my question to you is how I don't even know how it would. If you're not in my phone, then that's even more confusing. You must be. You must be in his phone. Here's here's how it happened.

And I can't believe you're being so naive. It's the 5G. The 5G is making things like this happen. There you go. And Steve, those listeners will be collecting all of this stuff. And then he's going to start the new Lolita Express. And then your name will be on those logs. And then you'll see where it leads.

Well, I'm going to try to fly on it anyways. So I mean, it's an express. Yeah. Speaking of which, I'm going to be Diamond Medallion. We got we brought up Hodgman earlier. I got a there has to be some sort of coronation for my my Diamond Medallion status. Agreed. That's right. Yeah, you've been flying so much because you've been working in in New Orleans.

And so you've been flying. And then before that, you were before that you were working in Atlanta, Atlanta. That's right. You're in Atlanta. So you've been flying back and forth the L.A. So many times you acquire a crude quite the mileage. Look at you. For people don't know, you're the lead in interview of the vampire, which is coming out on AMC. There is now a series on the lead.

That's right. And basically, the whole thing is I'm just pissed that I'm a vampire. It's just annoyed by having a vampire. This sucks. It's just me complaining. I want some crawdad and gumbo. That's Arnold down on the by. I thought that would be fun to do him. Sure. Yeah, that's fun.

Kind of a hat on a hat, but is it a is it a play on anything? No, it's just a thing you would say. OK, yeah, sure. I want a crawdad and some gumbo. I just thought it'd be fun to where you think you're going to hear a Bayou accent. Instead, it's Arnold. I thought that would be fun.

Yeah. Anyways, moving on, we'll edit that out. Hot dog on a stick, Nick. I'm curious, Mitch, have you been to this place before? Had you been to the chain? So this is also your maiden voyage. Wow. Wow. So the East Coasters don't get it, but it's a it's a it's a it's a West Coast.

Nick, from what I and you you don't kind of let you you can never tell with you if you ever had any childhood joy. And I mean, I mean, I know that you liked video games, but you don't you don't talk about stuff like that too often, where I talk about it constantly of of things I loved in Quincy and my childhood and things that I that I loved growing up, you hit you hit on it sometimes. But this seems to be one of them for you. This seems like a place that you loved as a kid.

Yeah, not necessarily like that I have a childhood nostalgia for it because my food in the fall of the food court at my mall didn't have one. It was more of it was more of a, you know, that was more of like an orange Julius, you know, Sparrow sort of situation. And but but I've, you know, but I've been a bunch like I just if I see a hot dog and a stick, I'll go because I love corn dogs. And I, you know, I just I love hot dogs in general. But, you know, like, I think they do a really good corn dog.

And I think they they're they're deep fryer work. I think it's very solid. Someone's doorbell is ringing. It's not mine. This is insane. Why does this always happen? Hold on, I'll be right back. OK, Mitch is going to step away. I'm back. All right, what happened?

It was the Schwarzenegger estate and they told me to cease to assist. Oh, boy. I've never had a crawfish, one single crawfish. You need you need to stop or my mom will shoot. God damn it. He's just done so much better with the Arnold stuff. I'm the one who introduced Arnold and Nick. I can't do the voice.

I can't do the voice. Also, I think that's a Stallone movie. The oh, it is a Stallone movie. I realize that. So hot dog and a stick, it is exactly as it sounds. They they have, you know, they have a hot dog and a stick. They have they have that's their main thing. That's their flagship item.

It's it's a it's a fucking corn dog. And you can get a Nathan's famous all beef hot dog. You can get a turkey dog or you can get a veggie dog. Nice. They have that variety. I've had them all and I will honestly say, like, it's just like it's so much better that I can't really tell the difference. Like, I can't really like, you know, same, same. Yeah. Yeah. I had that.

I was I don't know why I was, but I was kind of surprised that there were so few items on the menu. Like, there's a lot of different drinks. You can get things certain ways. There's a there's a variety of corn dogs, but they are all corn dogs. But I guess I I don't know why I I guess I'm used to places like that having a bunch of different shit that they're trying to sell you. And this place is like, this is what we do.

And that's it. One hundred percent. And that's one thing I kind of like about this place. They do that. They do the hot dogs. They also do cheese on a stick, which I like, which is it's it's if you actually process what you're eating, it's revolting because it's a it's a big block of cheese that they batter and deep fry. And it's probably if you get like I I opt for pepper jack

because I'm something of a heat seeker. But like, you know, like I've gotten American before and that is just so gooey. And it's basically four slices worth of American cheese, just like in a in a cubed form factor in deep fried. It's just a lot. It's very much like a like a like a state fair food, but you can just have it for a work day lunch. They have fries and then they have their their funnel cake sticks,

which are a newer newer item. And then they also have what they call their hand stomped lemonade. And I think that's a newer item, huh? Yeah, I think part of the they haven't had always had them. Maybe they've had them for 20 years at this point. I don't fucking know, but they're not a thing that's always been on the menu. And the hand stomped lemonade is a it's like a thing that they're known for, is that you'll see like a teenager back there like sweating and and pumping the lemonade.

In fact, that older gentleman, the older me, asked one of the workers that he was on a first name basis with, he was like, you get your workout in yet, meaning did you pump the lemonade yet? Yeah, I don't like that. I don't know if I like that either. I feel like there was an aspect there used to be an aspect to it that it would be like young women would be primarily the employees and they would wear like little shorts or whatever.

And then the idea was you could like perfectly watch them make the lemonade or something. This is absolutely a layer to it. Yes, just I just want people to know this is what I heard. This is something I ever witnessed, but this is something that I heard. Geez, no, they have very distinct uniforms, which I think where, you know, have certainly become fetishized. And and yeah, very oftentimes it's younger people working there.

It's teenagers working there. And there's there's a point where you can see them, you know, get a little workout in. Between that and Muscle Beach, Stopper, the Spoon Man will shoot. Hey, Mitch, are you comfortable? I want the listener to know Mitch could not be smaller in the frame of this zoom. He's all the way reclined. I've never.

Wally sat on my lap. Sure. And you're like, hey, I got no choice but to take it easy. Oh, boy. Look, maybe I should sit up right. It will make me do better in the episode. Maybe I'll be more on my game. But when Wally comes and sits on your lap, there's not much you can do. He you see him here.

You got it. I think yeah, he's more prominent in the frame than you are. Adorable. Slap the cans on him and see. I don't like I don't like the sound of hand pumped lemonade. I don't. I just don't like the hand pumped lemonade doesn't sound appealing to me. So I get if it was like a horn, like, you know, there's some sort of like

horny aspect to this. His hand smashed. It's not hand pumped. Oh, and stomped, I think, is the hand stomped. But yeah, it's it's like they're crushing the lemons and making the juice. Yeah. And if you, you know, the it's kind of like someone working a like an old time detonator, you know, it's like it's like that kind of motion. It's like that's sort of a plunging full body motion.

Oh, OK. As if you're like all those old rail cars. There you go. Yes. Yeah. You know, you had the hand pumped real car. Yeah. Funny enough, I didn't think my lemonade was good. Really? Fascinating. Yeah. I like my lemonade. I'm not sure if they gave me the light lemonade.

They possibly did, but that's that's kind of what it tasted like. It tasted like a light. It tasted like a watered down lemonade. But I also got myself the frozen cherry lemonade, and that was very good. So I got regular old lemonade. I ordered the large, which I was not prepared for, because it was gigantic. It was a big, huge lemonade, and I maybe had. I don't know, like a sixth of it and threw it away.

It was it was a lot of lemonade, but it was good. I thought it was good. I got a medium, I got a medium coconut lemonade and which is just they, you know, they have their their hand stomped lemonade. And they they they put a little of their coconut syrup in it. I thought it was delightful. I thought it was it was a really good lemonade. And actually, you know, I love coconut.

It's a good flavor. And I think this was a good execution of it. I got the regular. And yes, similarly, it's it's that their sizes are not messing around. Like I got the small fries and their small fries is like a large cup of soda, basically worth of fries. It's it's you get a lot of food there and. And similarly, like I was like, I had I mean, I had to tell myself

I had exercise or strain, I had to be like, don't drink this whole thing because I knew it was like 800 calories of just liquid sugar. I drank about a third of it and I dumped the rest because it was just it was really good, but it's just so so sweet. Let me ask you, did you like coconut when you were younger? I did. Yeah, I did not, but I like it now. Interesting. Yeah, especially because you'd get like a chocolate covered coconut.

I feel like it was always like a for for a child when you would bite into a chocolate and it would have a coconut in it. Like on Halloween, you get you get like a mounds or an almond joy or whatever. And you're like, yeah, I'll still eat it, but I'm not happy about it. No, I was into that shit. I'll be like, I'll take your mounds. I get I get a snowball. I get that the host of your mounds.

Yeah. You're boots and you're both a cycle. So, Mitch, did you freeze? Did Mitch freeze? No, I'm here. You're so relaxed and motionless. Yeah, exactly. Do you see Do you see do you see Wally?

Wally is Wally is freaking out. Do you see him barking? Yeah, what's going on? No, he's barking at something. He's going nuts. Barking. Do you wait? Have you thought Wally was a dog this whole time?

Oh, boy. Mitch is embarrassing. Wow. Explains his bowl is always filled with dog food, never eating it, starving. What was your what was everybody's full order? Yes, so I had a turkey hot dog and a stick. I got a cheese and a stick pepper jack, as I mentioned.

I got a fries, small fries. I got the coconut lemonade and I also got an order of the funnel cake sticks, which I'd never had before. Mitch, how about yourself? I got myself the sampler platter. I got that comes with that comes. You got the same thing, Paul. I did.

Wow. It comes with four, your choice of four. Four items. Four stick items, which you there's only, I think there's only five options. Unless you can just so you can get four of the five. Unless you can just get a stick with nothing on it, which I don't think you can do, but there are four.

There are four dog. There are five dogs, including a veggie dog, but there's, I guess there's also this cheese stick, which I just completely missed. Are you saying it's just cheese that's on a stick that's deep fried and batter? Okay. Yeah, I don't even care.

I didn't even clock that on the menu. American cheese on a stick, pepper jack cheese on a stick. Those are the, I got those two. I got a beef dog on a stick and a turkey dog on a stick. Those were my, those were my four and that also comes, I got with some french fries with that as well. Yeah. And I also got myself the funnel cake sticks aside

from the sampler platter to try almost everything on the menu. Paul, what did you, what did you get for the sampler platter? I got the sampler with turkey, beef, cheese and pepper jack cheese, but like in the, with a hot dog in it. With a hot dog in it. Yeah. Is that, am I, does this make sense? Did I, no, I mean, I just, I, I normally think the,

the cheese on a stick for me is, is, I've always thought of it as like a standalone item. I didn't realize you could do a combo of cheese and, and a, and a dog. Yeah. And it was, um, yeah, I, I also could not tell the difference between the, the beef and the turkey because of the breading. But they were the only two that I, I finished.

I finished both of those. Um, and I got the, um, uh, the funnel cake sticks, which I thought were good. I thought they were really good. Yeah. Yeah. I think I really good. I thought they were good as well.

Uh, I'm surprised when you said that there were a newer, um, there were a newer item because I, it tastes like a tried and true menu item. I thought that this is like, oh, I get why people would love this. The fries were good. I liked the fries. The fries were almost sweet. To me, they tasted almost sweet.

I don't know if there was because they were preparing them with these funnel sticks or what the deal was, but it'd be, yeah, maybe they're in the same oil. I didn't, I, I didn't notice a sweetness. I, I, I haven't noticed a sweetness. I do like that they have a little bit of seasoning on them. You know, they're not just plain fries. I think they got it.

They got a decent amount of seasoning on there. Yeah. I think they're, they're good. Like kind of shoestring style fries. I almost got the fries, but then I did, I realized I've never heard anybody mention those fries ever. And I thought I probably don't need to get them. Yeah.

Yeah, they're fine. Yeah. If you need a side with your corn dog, they're fine. Yeah. There was an option to put chocolate sauce on the funnel cake sticks. Jesus. Raspberry sauce.

And I, I didn't, I didn't, I did not take that option. Yeah. I didn't do it either. My favorite dog was the beef dog. I liked the beef dog and why of the two cheese sticks. I liked the pepper jack cheese stick more. Hmm. Um, I could taste the turkey.

I could taste, I, they were both good though. I liked the turkey dog and the beef dog. I thought they were both tasty. I thought, I agree. Yeah, they're good. I can tell a slight difference, but they were both, both pretty good. Um, I think I like just a hot dog more than I like a corn dog.

Is that weird? No, it's not weird at all. In fact, I think that's a normal conventional opinion and I'll agree with you. I like corn dogs, but, but it's situational. Like I, I'm not always craving a corn dog, right? And if I could only pick one, I'd pick hot dogs. Yeah.

Corn dog is not something I ever crave. And, uh, because it always, I retain the memory of how it makes me feel, um, cause it always feels like just too much. It's so much. And there's something about that batter that's just like, man, oh man, it really sits in your stomach and it just knocks you out. Like I'm, I'm done for the day. Like I'm, I'm exhausted right now.

This isn't a perfect comparison. Yeah. This isn't a perfect comparison, but it's kind of like the difference between like a burger and a patty melt. Whereas a patty melt is like so much heavier. Yeah. Because you've got that griddled bread with a bunch of extra, you know, a bunch of extra butter slathered on it.

Yeah. And it's just, yeah, that, yeah, that'll knock you out. Whereas I could, I can, I can handle a regular burger, but it's got to be a once in a, once in a blue moon sort of thing. Absolutely. I remember I was at the Simpsons movie premiere when I first started to work at the Simpsons. Very cool.

Yeah. Congrats. Just at the after party, Calpac is for me. Um, and I was in line for, there was like deep fried. They'd had like a deep fried stand. And I was in line behind Lloyd from entourage who ordered. Wow. What a story.

I was right behind Lloyd from entourage, entourage who ordered a deep fried Snickers and I saw the deep fried Snickers come out on like a stick and I got out of line. I decided not, I decided not to get one, which is me. I was like, I'm not, this is fucking disgusting. It's too much. Like a real Ebenezer Scrooge moment where you saw, you saw your future. You're like, no, I, I choose, I'm going to, I'm going to be different from now on.

That was, I think Lloyd probably had a, I don't know his real name. So I'm sorry for insulting him that way, but I'm sure that he had a great time with the, with the deep fried Snickers, but I, I just, I couldn't do it. And so I'm, I'm with you, Paul, on that way of it's, it's a, it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's a lot. It's, it's a, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's a lot. It's too, I mean, and Nick, like you were saying that the deep fried cheese is just, is way too much.

I mean, I like a, it was tasty. It's kind of like a mozzarella stick in a little way. And the, and the, uh, especially the, the, the one that had the kick, the pepper jack one has a little kick to it. The American cheese one, I can't, especially if you let that sit for just a minute, it's just congeals and is, is not great, but the, the hot dog, the beef hot dog on a stick was really good. I liked it a lot.

It was, it, it's, it's, it's tasty. Yeah. Um, I can only do mustard on corn dogs. I, I, I try to put a little ketchup on there, but I, and I'm a guy who likes ketchup on hot dogs. I don't care what all of Chicago says. Um, but only, only mustard on, on a corn dog. I don't, I don't think, uh, I don't think anything else kind of works on it.

That's what I did too. I'm with you. Yeah. Mustard, just, just, just standard yellow mustard. And that, that's, yeah, I, I did have a little ketchup. And honestly, I think the ketchup works better with a cheese on a stick. Kind of like dipping a grilled cheese in some ketchup, which you can do, but, okay, but, but it's, it's mustard is absolutely superior on a hot dog to

catch up for sure. Agreed. Agreed. Yeah. Yep. Well, look, there's not a, there's not a ton to say here because this is a very simple chain. It's a streamlined menu as PFT mentioned.

It's, they've, they've been doing the same thing since, since 1946. And, you know, that's, I, they do it to a degree of competency. So I guess we should get to our final thoughts here. Oh, by the way, besides that location you went to Nick, so many of them just in malls. They're mostly in malls. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, the muscle beach location is, is a standalone one, but they're almost all, but that one's even there. It's part of the Santa Monica Pier, which is kind of like an outdoor shopping center. So it's basically, you know, basically at a mall. Yeah. They're, they're, they're a mall fixture.

They're like a Charlie's cheesecake or, or cheese steak rather, which we reviewed in previous episode, or the, the fucking like an Auntie Ann's pretzels or a Cinnabon. Yeah. In fact, you'll, you oftentimes see them alongside them. Or Lids. Um, I went to the, I went to the, the Glendale Galleria for the first time and I don't know how many years, um, it was, it was wild to be there, to be there

again and very hard. I, here's what I would say. Just a quick sidebar about the Galleria. Their directory is, uh, is a lighted screen. Very hard to read, especially if you're wearing prescription sunglasses, which renders everything. Uh, you know, it, it does not work with that sort of LED screen. Um, and I wanted to go to the lids and I couldn't find it.

You can't push it. Can't touch it. You can't make it bigger. You can't touch it. Yeah. Can't touch that. Mm hmm. Well, I like lids.

I'll go to a lids. Lids is great. They got all the ads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do. You know what it's like hot dog and a stick. You know what you're going to fucking get? They have in-store exclusives sometimes.

You know what I mean? Mm hmm. For a hat guy, I got to check it out. You got it. They, you know what they got to do? They got to get one by Muscle Beach. They got to get a lids down by Muscle Beach. Oh man.

Can you imagine Mitch, if they had a fucking lids at Muscle Beach? Game changer. It would be in all the opening montages to let you know you're in L.A. for every movie. The famous Muscle Beach lids. Oh boy. I'll start with my final thoughts because I've been to this place a bunch and my thoughts are pretty much in line with...

It's, the thesis of this podcast is does the place do what it's attempting to do? This place, hot dog and a stick. It's right in the name. This is what we do. By the way. And I think they do it pretty damn well. I just want to say that if you want to see the, see me put the fear of God into someone is walk with me into a lids. Because I got quite the dome-wags and I think that...

I think what the employees are like, oh no, he's going to make us build him a hat. Do you know your size, Mitch? What's your size? What's your fitted size? I don't even know my fitted size. His eight and a half is big, right? Yes, it is, son. Yes, it is.

Yeah. And I think it might be bigger than eight and a half. It's, I think it's bigger or it might be eight and a half. You might want to call the Guinness people if it's bigger than that. Like eight is very big. Yeah, it's a big noggin. They say a head weighs eight pounds, right? They say the, but...

Well, one kid said that in Jerry Maguire. Yes. Was he wrong? They say. Hold on. I just want to say this real quick because I'm looking at, I'm looking at various hat sizing charts. This one says a size eight half hat. Mitch says he's an eight and a half.

A size eight hat is the equivalent of a three XL. So you're talking like a three XL head. You got a three XL or a quad XL hat size. If we're talking about like... All right, we don't have to break it down. If it's bigger than eight. Have you tried like wearing a diving helmet? All the time.

You can get your team's name like put on there somewhere. Just a big brass diving helmet with a Boston B on it. I think that would look cool. Would be sick. Oh, shit. This place does... I think it's at least an eight. Maybe an eight and a half.

You got to have your head measured. Look, we'll do a Patreon episode. We'll measure your head. That's fucking... That's an hour of content. We'll do it. Look at someone from Johns Hopkins to come out and measure your head. Who's the little kid from Jerry Maguire?

It's a Haley Joel Osment. Jonathan Lipnicki was the actor. Oh, shit. I mean, I don't know if I characterize him as a Haley Joel Osment wannabe. I mean, he's... Don't want to get my ass kicked by a Lipnicki. But was he full of it? Is the human head more than eight pounds?

It's got to be. I don't know. I don't know how much a human head weighs. I mean, human beings are different. I don't think that's, you know, a standard... I don't think there's a standard head size. You know, Shakespeare said the weight of a soul was 23 grams. Hmm, so...

Yeah, he loves the metric system. On average, a human head weighs anywhere from 10 to 11 pounds. Wow. See, I'm definitely more money. That'll be the next episode of The Scale while we're at it. Can we weigh Mitch's head? How do we do that? We need a scientist to help us.

You have to like lay down on a scale. That's all I can think is, yeah, you lay down on the floor and put your head on the scale. I mean... Yeah. I think that would work. We could try it. All right, we'll do that.

That's a double two. Okay, great. We won't ask you to do such things. We'll never ask you to do one of these fucking bullshit doubles. I would come back for that. I want to know. All right. The human brain only weighs about three pounds though.

So... Okay, I'm the under on that too. So I make up something. I make up something along the way. Nick, this place is simple. I think... Yeah, it's simple. I don't think there's much.

It's like reviewing Orange Julius, which we've never... Have we done? We've never done. I don't think we've done Orange Julius, but I'll say this. I'll say this just to wrap up my thoughts and then I'll throw it to you, Mitch. The... The... Yeah, it's to me.

And if I'm overselling it, maybe I've got some nostalgia working for me here. That's fine. I've been to this place a bunch. I like it. I like corn dogs. I like the cheese on a stick, which is a thing I've not really seen at any other fast food chain. Like, it's not like you just see that. You'll see other places do a corn dog, but cheese on a stick feels like it's unique to a hot dog on a stick.

And I think their fries are solid. I think their lemonade is solid. To me, this is a very, very, like, prototypical four fork chain. This is like, they do exactly what they're trying to do and they do it well. So that's my thought. Four forks for a hot dog on a stick. Spoonman, what say you? Well, I think what they do, they do well.

And I, you know, they're doing what they're going for. You know, what they're going for is this fun little beach side or stand side, you know, multicolored fry container. You're down at the beach. You get yourself a, you're down at Muscle Beach. You get yourself a corn dog. You're having a great day. And I don't know.

It's hard. It's honestly hard for me to judge, Nick, because I'm like, this could be a four forker, but my lemonade wasn't as great as it could have been, but it's again, it's hand smashed, right? Hand smashed. So hand stomped. Damn it. Hand stomped. That is a weird.

It is. Your brain doesn't want to accept it because it, the foot stomps. Yes. A hand smashes. Strange. This is from Bioshock. Hand stomped lemonades. I, I, but then the cherry one was really good.

And then I really liked those funnel cake fries. Nick, here's the thing for me. I'm like, will I have a go here again? And you know what? I'll be back for seconds. Wow. Four forks. I'm going for four forks.

Why not? I can't. I'm not going to shit on this place just cause it's one of these places that you have got the little nostalgia for. I, I think it's good. I, I, it's just so simple. You know what I mean? Like that's the thing that's tricky for me is that I'm like, if there was a stand that just sold French fries

or something, uh, and lemonade, what are you going to do? I, if it doesn't good enough job, I like it. I could see why people loved it as, as kids. It gets four forks. It gets four forks for me. The sticks are nice. They're fun. The sticks are nice.

They are fun. PFT. I want to make it clear that this is, I'm not going to take it as a personal front. If you give this place, hold this place in a lower esteem, say what's in your heart. Um, I will say this, uh, on the negative side for me personally, uh, corn dogs are not my favorite. I still did enjoy eating it while I was eating it. Um, uh, a sort of positive and negative is they, it's a lot of stuff. Like when you order, it's a lot of stuff.

And, um, even if you were just ordering a corn dog and like those, uh, the, the funnel cake sticks, it's a huge serving of funnel cake sticks. Like way too much, you know, for one person. Um, the drink was gigantic. And so it does sort of feel like wasteful in that way. But on the other hand, like, uh, when normally at a place like that, you get, they kind of, they're very chintzy with what they give you. You know, they're kind of stingy about the serving sizes and everything. So it was kind of refreshing in a weird way of like, wow, these guys give you a lot for your money. Um, when you, when you buy this stuff, but ultimately when it comes down to does this place live up to what it, it says it is.

And what it's offering you, I have to say 100%. I'm not going to go back, but I get why people, uh, I get why it's still around. I get why it's successful. And, uh, I have to give it four forks. Wow. Welcome to the golden plate club hot dog on a stick. I was not expecting this. Look at this.

It's at the golden plate. I thought you, I thought, I thought you're going to end that with like two forks. No, I mean for, for, for me to eat a thing that I don't really like that much and enjoy it. You know, like I, I did have to, I did have to kind of stop myself from eating too much because I got that sampler and I'm only one guy. And it's like, I can't fucking eat four, four corn dogs. Yes. But I, I, I got it at the mall. I sat at the mall and ate it right there.

And it was like, it was a pleasant experience. I got to give it up. Wow. Well, there you go. Welcome to the golden plate club hot dog. Give it up for the Glendale Galleria as well. Sure. Give it up to the malls of America across the street from the Americana fucking Caruso doesn't own them.

I'm sure a great person owns the Galleria. When Calpacas and I were out and we were jokingly cheersing to Caruso just recently to Caruso. We were doing that over and over again. Caruso running for mayor of Los Angeles. Kind of the trouble of LA. I've now outed us on the podcast, but he tried to, for people who don't know, we're not heavily embroiled in LA mayoral politics. He's like, he's like, is he a billionaire?

Yeah, he's a billionaire. I think so. And he tried, he tried to essentially buy the mayoral race by pretending to be a Democrat. And it was very funny that he could not do it outright. It was, that was very enjoyable. Yeah, he's now in the runoff, which he's expected to lose. But he, yeah, it's, it's, it is one of those things where it was kind of surprising how much juice he was able to get out of just like spending so much money to put his face up there.

And he got the Kardashian vote. He did. He got a lot of celebrities. I saw an ad, they were running an ad during the NBA playoffs with Gwyneth Paltrow endorsing him. And she was like, she was like, I'm Gwyneth from the West side and I'm with Caruso. Yeah. Gwyneth from the West side.

I haven't lived in Los Angeles since I was eight. Let's look at one more Heathcliff. Then we'll go to break. This is, this is now look, this is one of the classics that comes up when you go to the Heathcliff website. This is from January 15th, 2015. This one is in the colors a little blown out on my, on my screen share, but you can still get the idea. This is making me angry.

Heathcliff is on top of a brick wall with a guitar, wearing an egg costume. There's a bunch of cats watching him play and to the side are two kids commenting on the action and one kid says to the other, he's at the forefront of the Humpty Dumpty craze. Gibberish. Absolute gibberish. Why does he have a guitar? I don't know. What is, what could he be playing?

He's at the forefront of the Humpty Dumpty craze. So there is a Humpty Dumpty craze that's happened in this universe. Yes. And there's an exclusive to animal entertainers or is it also who are the, who are the, the other pioneers of the Humpty Dumpty craze and who, who has been influenced by it that's carrying on that's helping make it a craze and does it, is it exclusively music or is just Humpty Dumpty in everything? After, after listening to myself throughout this episode and seeing that comic strip, I'm starting

to question if I am the Heathcliff illustrator because that's on. That's about the level of comedy I've been doing for the last hour and a half. Hi, Wally. Hey, Wally's back. Wow. Take a load off, Mitch. There we go. We'll take a break.

We'll be back with more Doe Boys. You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad. You're going to Costa Rica. That's right, Wally. So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun. Going to maybe see a monkey. Oh, that's fun.

Going to maybe see a bird. Just that, just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what? Knowing some Spanish might be helpful down there. Nice. And if you have an upcoming summer trip abroad, my go-to travel hack is Babel.

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Babel, language for life. Welcome back to Doughboys. We're here with PFT. And hey, it's time for a segment. I've got a food-related exam and Mitch and Paul must compete for superiority in another edition of Slop Quiz. This is Slop Quiz You Oughts A Know Edition. All these questions are about the year 2002. Oh.

This was compiled by our associate producer, Amelia Marino. We're going back 20 years in time to the year 2002. And this is Amelia's setup. Mitch and Paul are transported 20 years into the past to the year 2002 and must correctly guess each chain restaurant's slogan for that time. The winner gets to stay in 2002. So there you go. That's what's on the line.

All right. I accept these terms. A simpler time, I guess. Yeah. Oh, shit. All right. Yes, a simpler time. One year after 9-11.

All right. First up, McDonald's. And there are three options. This is multiple choice. I'll read you three options. Each option is an actual jingle. There's an actual slogan for this chain restaurant that was used at a certain point in time here to identify the 2002 one.

So first up, the chain is McDonald's. Here are your options. So do we ring in? Yeah, buzz in with your name. I'll read the options and then buzz in with your name. McDonald's. A, we love to see you smile. B, I'm loving it.

C, did somebody say McDonald's? Paul. Mitch. I heard Mitch first. Yeah. B, I'm loving it. No, Mitch. I'm sorry.

Can I steal? Oh my God. I think it was, did somebody say McDonald's? No, you're both wrong. We love to see you smile. What was it? We love to see you smile. We love to see you smile.

I don't remember that at all. I don't remember it at all. That is a short-lived campaign. It was a short-lived campaign just for the year 2002. I'm loving it comes the next year and is it has so for 2003 to present. And then did somebody say McDonald's was before that? All right. Next up.

Next up, the other, the other, the Pepsi to McDonald's Burger King. Ooh. Here are the options. A, it takes two hands to handle a whopper. B, eat like a king, not a clown. C, at BK, you got it. C. Which one was the 2002?

Go for it, Paul. I'm not going to say C. I mean, I think you get it. It is C. It is C, so I'll give it to you. At BK, you got it was their slogan in 2002. I don't remember that either, honestly. That is a.

Another short-lived one. And this is an interesting thing. The at was an at symbol. So this would must have been an early internet sort of thing. Oh. Yeah. Real gnarly. Yeah.

I feel like the whopper one, how old is that? That sounds vaguely familiar to me. 1971. Dang. Yeah. Old school, old school campaign. It takes two hands to handle a whopper. When was the vicious clown one?

Eat like a king, not the clown was for 2006. That was probably in the thick of like ironic king. Yeah. Fuck. That felt like it could have been 2002 too, the M&M era of. Sure. Yeah, sort of a new metal kind of slogan. But no, they went early internet.

All right. Next up, Taco Bell. Here are your options. I think you'll recognize all three of these. So it's just a matter of placing the correct one in 2002. I think I know this. I think I'm going to get this one. Okay.

Option A, Yo-Kiro Taco Bell. B, think outside the bun. C, live moss. Mitch. I heard Mitch. Oh, fuck. He seems so confident. B, B, B.

B, think outside the bun is correct. Yes. That was their slogan throughout the odds. 2001 to 2004. I feel like Yo-Kiro was right before that. Just beforehand. Yeah, ended in 2001. The voice of Carlos Alasraki.

Great campaign. Great campaign. That's wild. And that dog I believe was named Gidget and RIP Gidget. Dynacar accident. Wow. He's with Santa now. All right, next up.

Mitch gets that one. Next up, Wendy's. He also, I was going to say, was he driving the Bronco with OJ as well, Gidget? He wasn't driving, but he was in the car. Yeah, he wasn't driving. He was there. The passenger seat, yeah. All right, next up, Wendy's.

Rest in peace, Gidget. Here are your options. Wendy's. A, do what tastes right. B, it's hamburger bliss. C, the best burgers and a whole lot more. I have no memory of any of these slopes. I don't either.

And I love Wendy's. I know Wendy's. I know it. Go for it, Mitch. Paul. It's B. It's ringing. Damn it.

I'm going to say it's B. I got to go to Emma. How should I rule on this? I have no fucking idea. At a time, maybe everybody gets a point. All right, I'll give you both points. Is it B? It is B.

I was right. You were right. Call it a draw. I didn't ring in with my name. Yeah. Didn't ring in? Lost it on a technicality, man. That sucks.

Okay, it's not up into a piece. Few left. Next up, Arby's. Your options are A, it's good mood food. B, I'm thinking Arby's. C, satisfy your grown-up tastes. Paul. I don't know.

Go ahead, Paul. I'm going to say it's B. I think it is B. It's not B, I'm thinking Arby's. Wow. That's really all. What are the other two? Other options, A, it's good mood food.

Or C, satisfy your grown-up tastes. Oh, shit. Both of these are bad. Throne up tastes. They're both bad. They're real bad. They're both really bad. I'm going to go A.

No, it's C, satisfy your grown-up tastes. Was there a slogan from 2001 to 2003? Really bad. And they hadn't figured it out on a market themselves. Now they think they've figured it out. They've kind of leaned into the irony. But I'm thinking Arby's. I could have sworn it was an earlier one

because it's in Seinfeld. I thought that was really old, yeah. No, it's 2005 to 2009. They pulled it from Seinfeld. So there you go. David Putty originated it. Does satisfy your grown-up tastes gross you out a little bit? Like it grosses me out a little bit.

It's a little gross, yeah. It's skivvy, for sure. But it's also, what are you fucking talking about? Because you have horseradish? Like, you know, yes, we're a little more adult than these other festival places. A child doesn't need to roast a beef. All right, still tied.

Subway. Your options are A, eat fresh. B, big on taste, none on fat. C, the way a sandwich should be. Bump. Good, Bump. My first thought was B, but I'm going to say C. C is good.

No, I'm sorry. It's not C, the way a sandwich should be. That was from 1990 to 1996. Mitch, I bet a lot of money on this. I had that. I'm going to have to go with... Mitch, I'm going to say Mitch. Good job.

Well done. And A, eat fresh, like John Lovitz would say. Mitch, you get this one. It was the slogan from 2001 to 2015. Wow, wow. 2001 to 2015. And then they brought it back in 2020. It's now the slogan again.

Eat fresh. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Staying power. Okay. There was no... Two more. There was never like Jared's home or anything like that. There was never a...

Can you fucking imagine? Jared's home? How creepy that would be in retrospect. Jared's home. Jared's coming to get you. Jared's watching. Subway. Carl's Jr. Slash Hardy's.

Carl's Jr. Slash Hardy's the same chain with two different names depending on where you are, West or East of the Rockies. Option A. Funny that they wouldn't think that that is creepy back then even. Even when they knew nothing was wrong to just say Jared's watching. But they didn't, Mitch. But they did it. It wasn't real.

Do you think Paul was saying real slogans? All right, go ahead. What's the next one? Carl's Jr. Hardy's. A. If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face. B. Without us, some guys would starve. Or C. Some guys don't do 49 cent Tuesdays. They're all so bad.

Fucking horrible. These are awful. Paul. Yes, Paul. I think it's A because I think this was Paris Hilton days when they were showing people eating these fucking disgusting hamburgers and getting shit all over their face. That was happening, but that was a little bit before this. This was just after that era.

That campaign was mostly in the 90s. This is a tough quiz. I've been with Paul on a lot of these. I thought it was A. I thought it was A. Mitch, I'm just going to take a guess. But this isn't fun to just take a guess. Sure it is.

Sure it is. Explain your logic. C. Mitch, you're correct. Their slogan for the year 2002 was some guys don't do 49 cent Tuesdays. That's insane. In fact, if I don't remember what it was, I would have guessed B. Doesn't make any sense. Weird thing to say more than once, even if you were going to say it once.

I don't even remember 49 cent Tuesday. That must have been like a McDonald's thing or something. They must have had 49 cent Tuesdays and they were just like, we're not that. I guess. Why don't those guys do that? It seems like a good deal. Some guys are bad with money. It's like a Heathcliff caption.

It's like him blowing a bubble. You could have put that caption under any one of those cartoons that you showed us. All right, last one. And Mitch is going to win, but this one's just for funsies. I'm stuck in 2002. Yeah, you're stuck in 2002. You can affect great change, Mitch. You can.

With the knowledge that you have of what happens after 2002, you could affect great change. You haven't paid attention, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's too early. All right, too early. Too late for 9-11 rather. The one bad thing that happened?

Yes. I would probably just try to get 19 year old me to kiss a woman. I think is probably what my goal would be. Not succeed. Not succeed. Get my ass kicked by 19 year old me. You and your 19 year old self are just roommates now. As you wait out these years you've already lived.

This is not a bad idea. It's not bad. It's pretty good. No one steal this. That's a great idea. That's a great animated show. Yeah, all right. Yeah, my roommates myself.

Hey, I'm into it. The final one, Long John Silver's for funsies. Your options are A, we speak fish. B, that's what I like. And C, how can you resist? Easily. So generic, yes. Go ahead, Paul.

I don't remember what they are. I'm going to say B. It's not that's what I like, which was our slogan in 2012. So it's we speak fish or how can you resist? Those are your options. Mitch, A, we speak fish. Nope, although that was their slogan in 2011, in 2002, their slogan was how can you resist?

Jesus. So little effort. And easily, it seems like. The writers really wanted to go home. That's one of those. All right, hey, that was a slop quiz. Mitch, you stay in 2002. Paul, you get to retain in the prison era.

And hey, that brings us to the feedback. Just like a restaurant value feedback. Let's open the feedback today. We have an email from this is a bit of a longer one writes, I'm a flight attendant for United Airlines. And it seems like recently you have had a lot of questions and comments about flying. It's true.

I loved your old review of Delta Sky Club with John Hodgman, incidentally. But I'm hoping for a review of United's Polaris Lounge. You do need to confirm Polaris ticket to enter. That is the name for United's Long Hall First Class. While Delta is known for having the best food in flight, the Polaris Lounge is known as the best club lounge in the industry.

Maybe if you guys ever do an international tour, you could pop into the lounge. I don't mean to sound too much like a Homer, but even if I was out of the industry, I would not recommend Delta. I'm a union man, as are we. And Delta's extreme anti-union efforts leave a big bet. Leave a bad taste in my mouth.

The episode I say that I'm a diamond medallion member for God's sakes. The way that they abuse and work their flight attendants then throw pennies at them to suppress unionization efforts is offensive to those of us who work the same jobs as them and know how exhausting this job is. This job can be even with unions fighting for us. Anyway, love the show.

I look forward to seeing you live someday, maybe in Denver, Denver, a major hub. That would make sense at that station there. And PS, did you know that flight attendants? This is insane. Did you know that flight attendants didn't get paid? Don't get paid during boarding and deplaning. Most people don't realize that the hardest parts of our job

are the only parts we aren't paid for. Most only get paid when the door is closed. So if a flight is delayed, please be nice to flight attendants. They are also having to sit without pay like you. I just found that out. I didn't know that. That's insane. I couldn't believe it. How is it?

Yeah. I mean, how that was ever secretly negotiated is just craven. It's criminal. Yeah. Why wouldn't that count as part of their work day? That's absolutely nonsensical. And it's beyond disgusting. I couldn't believe it.

It's insane. Yeah. Totally bananas. Because I'm just like, they are working. They're clearly working. They're hired to be there. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

It should start when they walk into the airport. You know what I mean? Like that's... I'm with you. That's insane. I can't believe... Yeah. I mean, they're all fucked up.

Truly wild. Truly wild. That is really... That's a bummer to hear about Delta. I didn't know they were so anti-union. I didn't know that either. I mean, that's a... That is a bummer.

But like look... Can you make that diamond medallion coronation a little awkward? But we're still going through with it, right? Yeah, I got to do it. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm really interested. I really like the insight into the industry. This is definitely stuff that I didn't know.

And so I appreciate the email. Thank you for your service because that's a fucking tough job. Yeah, there isn't a good one, right? That's part of the issue. Like it seems like maybe the f*** is advocating for United a little bit as a company. But I feel like there's not like... It's the cliché is...

And I was trying to avoid saying it, but there's no ethical consumption under capitalism, which is just like... I feel like all these airlines are kind of bummers in various ways, right? Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I found out? That plane, the jet at the beginning of Top Gun 2,

have you seen Top Gun Maverick, Paul? I have not. You haven't seen it. You got to see it. Oh my God. What an experience. It's great. Try it yourself.

Go to the cinema, see Top Gun Maverick. It's fantastic. I've heard it's really fun. That jet could get you from LA to New York in 20 minutes. Holy s***. Is that true? That's a real plane? That's...

I mean, I don't know if it's a real plane. But I guess that jet... Mitch, did somebody say this in the movie? Look, it's a little factoid. I'm going to tell the 19-year-old me as I'm waiting out. I'm going to be so bored for 20 years that I've already... I've seen all the same movies. Well, you also, you're such a guy who's on his phone

that I feel like you knowing that phones are to come and you're going to have like a decade without a smartphone that's going to be gnarly. Just waiting for the phone to be invented. Also, Mitch, you're forgetting like all the gambling opportunities you could have, betting on shit. That's huge. Like stocks you can invest in.

Yeah. I'm going to forget all that stuff. I guess so. Will you start Doe Boys? Great question. Well, that is a great question. Also, 19-year-old me saw me, like now me come back.

He's like, ugh, I'm not going to do whatever you tell me to do. I'm going to do the opposite. You know what I mean? Like he's going to be disgusted. I think this is part of the premise of the show where a future guy is his own roommate, is that he sees who he becomes and he tries to avoid becoming that.

But inevitably, he tries back towards his... Yeah, exactly. Because they're the same guy. The same guy. Yeah. And there's a real lesson in there. There is a real lesson in there. Probably.

That's what's good about the show. And that's why we're excited to pitch it to you guys is because it's got comedy, but it's also got heart. And so it's about the lessons that we've lived ourselves as going from 19-year-olds to being guys of middle age. I hope we get 22 seasons on FIBOO or whatever network. We'd love to be on FIBOO. What you guys are doing on FIBOO is really exciting.

But seriously, this show is going to be so funny and has so much heart, it's going to make Ted Lasso look like Mindhunter. If you have a question or comment about the world of J-Rex Trust. Wait, what was the question? There really wasn't a question. I think this is more just an interesting...

Oh, it's just to make me feel bad that I became a Diamond Medallion member. God damn it. They want us to review the Polaris Club. So we got to do a long haul first-class flight on the Dolby side. I think that you should delete this entire section of the podcast.

There was no question asked. All right. You're no worse than Delta, Mitch. Do you hear yourself? I gotta give up my Delta. Wise, you were the Delta, man. You loved Delta. I liked flying Delta.

I think they have the... I like their in-flight experience of the bomber to hear about their labor conditions. That fucking sucks. I don't know. I mean, hey, they're beverages I like from Starbucks. I certainly don't like how the company is treating its baristas.

I know we're going back to Starbucks. That's the Mitch guarantee. I'm not going back. Maybe I got to change my... Maybe I got to get some... Maybe I also... This is funny. My Delta American Express card came today.

Is that why the doorbell was ringing? Yeah, I think maybe. You're delivering it. It came under like a glass dome. I got to lift this up. Welcome, sir. Well, oh well. You can email us at doboyspodcasts.com.

Leave us a voicemail at 830 Godot. That's 830-4636844. And you can get the Do Boys Double with our upcoming head measuring and head weighing episodes. By joining the GoldenEar Platinum Plate Club at patreon.com slash doboys, our guest, Paul F. Tompkins. An absolute delight to have you here. Thank you so much for reading Hot Dog and a Stick

and for giving us so much of your time. One of the funniest people around. Every time we have you on, we're just like, it's been too long since we have PFT on. So please come back on the show because we love having you. Anytime. No, it was a blast. Thanks for having me, guys. It was really fun.

God bless you. Well, he just bit me. God bless us, everyone. God bless us, everyone. He bit you because you're a Delta man. Holly's pro union. The fuck? Nothing for this episode of Do Boys Double.

Until next time, for The Spoonman and Mike Manchin. I'm Nick Weigher, happy eating. God damn it. See ya. On the next Do Boys Double. Ticking away the moments that make up a dough day. We make our Mount Rushmore's of songs by Mitch's favorite band, Pink Floyd.

Wow. And I find out which one's pink. It's Dark Side of the Spoon. Tuesday at Patreon.com slash Do Boys.