Doughboys - IHOP with Alison Agosti

Episode Date: May 28, 2015

Mitch and Nick welcome guest Alison Agosti to review IHOP, discuss tipping etiquette, and play Snack or Wack.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

All I have to do is dream by the Everly Brothers top the charts. Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo was king of the box office, and brothers Jerry Lappin and Al Lappin Jr. opened a breakfast-oriented diner in Toluca Lake, California. The year was 1958. The brothers located their restaurant across the street from another soon-to-be household name, Bob's Big Boy, hoping to cash in on its overflow. They subsequently rode the gravy train, or should we say, syrup train, to become a billion dollar company with over 1,500 locations as of 2015.

This week on Doughboys, we're going international. International House of Pancakes, that is, though these days, it's just iHop. We can't start off the show with this kind of energy from you. Immediately skeptical of what we're doing. Let's at least start with a supportive environment as a baseline. I apologize. I'm very interested to think that you could go see the new movie Vertigo and then go grab breakfast.

You say iHop just opened up. Let's try this. The International House of Pancakes, they would say. They wouldn't use the acronym. That's very interesting to me. That's cool. Welcome to Doughboys. This is the podcast about the world of chain restaurants.

I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my cohost, Mike Mitchell. Hello. Mitch, you started Jenny Craig recently. Is that correct? Well, actually, Nick, thank you for bringing it up now on every podcast, I'm guessing. I have not started strictly because of this. Gotcha. I was working the last couple of days, which is nice.

Then I knew I had to eat iHop today. My plan is to start it tomorrow and through the weekend, and then it will be broken for one day next week when we do this again. I feel like, though, your plan is to be very strict about it, except for the meals we're eating for this podcast. Yes. Yep. That is kind of the plan right now, and it will be hard, I think.

But we'll see what happens. Maybe we'll start going to some salad places. This last week with Taco Bell, it was tough because I had breakfast and lunch, and that just kind of took me out for the entire week. We should be clear at no point did I say did we agree that we had to eat more than once at the restaurant. That's true. You, on your own volition, went to Taco Bell.

I also went to Taco Bell about three more times that week. Well, let's introduce our guest. She's written for Late Night with Seth Meyers. She's hilarious on Twitter. Allison Agusti. Hi, Allison. How are you? Hi, Nick.

I'm good. Oh, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. So, you recently, you were living in New York for a time, and now you're back in LA. And being in either city, how does that affect your eating habits? That's a great question. Oh, boy. Okay.

Thanks. Well, I'm not a big chain restaurant or fast food person, so I think it did zero of that really in New York. I love a Starbucks. I always love going to Starbucks. But outside of the world of, sorry to interrupt, but outside of the world of chain restaurants, just like you're eating in general, did you have, did things change, walking around and being on the subway versus being in a car or?

I mean, I drank more. I got you. But I drank more. Alcohol or other things? Just various liquids. No, mostly alcohol. Gatorade. Yeah.

But I guess otherwise not really. Okay. Well, I have a question on that because you worked at Late Night, right? Yeah. In the hours, can be crazy. Do they ever like just get you crazy? Because I've heard stories of like McDonald's being delivered to SNL and stuff like that. Did you ever get piles and piles of like McDonald's or anything?

During big shows, like first week, we got so much cake. It was just like cake and sometimes we would get gifts from guests, but nothing insane. A lot of cake. We would do like the monthly birthday cakes. There's always cake. There's a big thing, I think, about losing weight and maintaining like a healthy lifestyle that I think is tough is like the social pressures of like work eating. Because I find myself, this job I worked at like when job would go, yeah, there was

like a lot of cake around and then I'd get a lot of pressure of like, you have a piece of cake, you know, like come on, Nick, and then people would be like, oh, you're trying to act like you're better than us, like they're going to have that attitude, you know, it's really weird. Yeah. Yeah. From what I've experienced, my dad was a lawyer and people never really sent him cake. Yeah.

But writers are always getting like cake sent to them and it's really weird. I don't know if like Hollywood is like maybe it's more like of a babyish thing, like here's some cake for you constantly, but like I worked at The Simpsons and those guys would get cake all the time. There just always be a cake in the kitchen and it's a thing that you should never really eat ever. Yeah. You don't need it.

You don't feel good. You don't feel good after. Yeah. You never feel great after eating a slice of cake. It just isn't a thing to get, but I feel like writers are always, particularly writers too, like not directors, just writers are always getting like a cake sent to them. There's a lot of like congratulatory food that's its whole industry within the entertainment industry.

I feel like things like there's also too, there's a lot of that stuff that I feel like no one really likes. Like I feel like you get like a muffin basket. No one's like stoked to get a muffin basket. They're just like, all right, well, we got some muffins here. Like an edible arrangement is not like an exciting thing for anybody really. That's at least fruit though. That's true.

Yeah. It's sad when my father passed away. You know, there's no upsides to your dad dying, but holy mackerel, we got a lot of food coming at us. Including mackerel. Yeah. Mackerel, anything you could think of, and I'm sitting here eating it down and saying, maybe there is just one upside to this whole thing.

You know, a bunch of edible arrangements, but then it literally, my dad was well liked way more than me because he doesn't make jokes like I just made. And he would get sent, like we just got sent so much stuff that we were putting it out on our porch because it was cold outside and like there was just too much food. And also when you're sad like that, I was just shoving food down my throat. And I guess being a writer, they're probably sad a lot of the time. Oh, so sad. Probably equally as sad at that level.

But I agree with Nick, but having it pushed on you or people trying to split things like we'd get cupcakes and be like, do you want the other half? No, you can just eat half of it and leave it. It's going to get eaten. I don't know why I have to just because I happen to be in the kitchen at the same time as you. Oh, yeah. That's everything would be cut in two, two from my experience as a writer's PA back

in the day. Everyone would just slice some things in two and hope and other people would get it. But then there is that other side of trying to be healthy because you're a writer and you're sitting around all day just getting fatter by doing that. So it's like people balancing like, I want a little sweet treat, but then also like, I want to eat completely healthy as possible. You know? Yeah.

I do think too, like the more general thing, speaking of something that, you know, outside of the world of being a writer is I feel like there's a general work thing of someone made something like I had a thing of a guy made like banana bread. And that was like, fuck, I would never fucking normally eat this, but I know I have to this guy's brought his homemade banana bread and I'm like offending him if I turn it down, you know? For sure. And I just think it's just hard to, I mean, that's why all these chains restaurants exist.

It's just hard to eat at work anyways, right? Like I'm saying like, a lot of people don't bring bag lunches into our car, right? No, yeah. And I feel like there's another thing too of like, there's such a social component to going out and getting out of the office and meeting with people or if there's a bought in lunch of like participating in that. And like a lot of times I feel like you're just settling for whatever's close by and I think there's a lot of like, you know, I think there's a lot of like shitty delis

and shitty diners that are just like close to an office or in like the lobby of an office building and then they just sustain themselves because people are like, ah, fuck it, I guess they'll go here, you know? Yeah. Was there anything at 30 Rock that you loved? The 30 Rock Commissary was horrible. And we all, it just so many root vegetables just and everything kind of tasted like pickles and everyone went there every day and then part of it was just complaining about how

bad it was. Did you ever see like Lauren Michaels? Yeah, he loves it and no, no, I'm sure he has an assistant just to get food. So Allison, you're from, I believe this is correct, Rancho Cucamonga, is that correct? Rancho Cucamonga, California, it's a smaller, where is it located for someone who may not be from out here? It's just east of LA off the 10. Little inlet, yeah, so that's what I wanted to ask because I imagine it's because it's

like a, so they have an industry there that's like a hub of what is it? I read it once that like there's like a big fucking like not like a bunch of trucks, but like some some weird industry is like centered in Rancho Cucamonga. Well, we have a Frito-Lay factory. Okay, maybe that's what it was. But I think it is a lot of shipping and distribution. I do not know what people do that live there. I don't know why people, I don't know why my parents live there.

I don't understand it. It's a big suburb though. It's too far away from LA to be commuting to LA. Yes. I don't know what the main thing is that people do there. It's a really funny name. It's a great name. It's a great name.

Yeah. Maybe the funniest town name of all. Yeah. It's really, it's up there. It's very, it's just a nice mouthful Friday and next Friday set there. It sounds like it was named. Oh really? Yeah.

So, so let's, yeah, workaholics Friday, next Friday, earlier you said the chain restaurants thing. Yeah. So what, what were the big chain restaurants around there? Well, our main strip is Foothill Boulevard, which is old Route 66. So we have all of them. But I feel like there's a strip, there's just a part where the big three, they're all clumped in little groups and then with a big parking lot.

So I feel like the big three that you would always see was like macaroni grill, chilies and applebees. Those are like the big ones that you would always see clumped together. We had a lot of applebees. That's a good, the big three is an interesting concept for chain restaurants because chilies and applebees I would put up there. Macaroni grill, not as much. Not so much.

But those, those are, those are powerhouses. Those are. All lined up. TJ Fridays. We had them all. Even all of the movie Friday take place in a macaroni grill. Yes. Wait, hold on.

I'm sorry to go off in a little segway here, but the movie Friday, like Ice Cube, takes place in Rancho Cucamonga? I think so. I think this was supposed to be like self-central, right? I say that was such confidence just because someone told me that and maybe I shouldn't. So maybe it was shot there or something, is that what it is? Because I feel like it's like, like they're dealing with like things going on in the ghetto or something and like, he's afraid of like Dre, I mean sorry, Cube is, I think his name

is Dre in the movie, right? I don't remember. He's afraid to like of getting in trouble or whatever and I'm like Rancho Cucamonga seems like it's safe. Maybe it's next Friday. Oh. Maybe because it's suburban. In the next Friday, they do go to a suburb, I believe.

Okay. So maybe it's just the suburb one. Oh, okay. Okay. So just the sequel. Just the sequel. And then Friday after next, who knows? Friday after next is a Christmas one.

It's a Christmas one, yeah. We solved it. We did it. I'm so sorry. I should stop saying a movie that I haven't seen is placed in my mind. No, I found it very interesting that Friday could have taken place in Rancho Cucamonga. But anyways, moving on. Sure.

Sorry, Nick. I needed to figure that out. No, you don't need to apologize. This is fine. We're having a conversation. I should stop spewing lies too. Yeah. I think you'll hear from Ice Cube pretty soon.

Let's get to this week's restaurant. I said it up earlier. IHOP, formerly the International House of Pancakes, now it's turned into just the acronym, kind of similar to what happened with Federal Express becoming FedEx in our lifetimes. Sure. Yeah. They just embraced the shorthand that people said. So what do we think of IHOP?

What are overall opinions? I think I feel fairly warm feelings. I mean, how upset can you be with pancakes and coffee? I think it's a good post-drinking place. At least it was in Rancho Cucamonga, like when I would come home to visit friends. It was battered denies and IHOP definitely envied denies. I went with Mitch today and we got the kids' pancake with a smiley face on it, which was a big staple of my childhood.

And I can't believe it because it is just cake with chocolate chips and whipped cream on it. Wait, so this is the chocolate chocolate chip pancake? Yes. Correct. And then it's all on top of it with whipped cream and kind of a... It makes a smiley face. It makes a smiley face, yeah.

And there's two cherries. And the cherries are really out of place because everything else is so cake-like and like you're like, I don't even want something that resembles a fruit on top of this. Right. And it makes the smiley face a little demonic. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And it just got bright red eyes.

They shouldn't try to make that one a smiley face, I feel like. Yeah. Because the whipped cream kind of just looks like it's foaming or something. Yeah. And it does start melting off and stops being a smiley face pretty quickly. There is something too because when I went, the most recent time I went, I got the double blueberry pancakes and they've got like this, you know, it's like a stack of blueberry pancakes with a blueberry compote and some blueberries.

They could be fresh. They could be unfrozen and some whipped cream on top of it. And the amount of time it goes from looking like something like, oh, that's a really like cool looking plate to just looking like a pile of garbage. Like it's just so quick because it just, everything starts melting. The whipped cream starts like, like getting thinner. And then once you start eating it, it's just like this, this mess of like goo. I feel like IHOP is one of those places like you want to get in and out of there as fast

as you can. It's one of those restaurants where you're like, I want to get in, eat my shit and get out like within like 30 minutes if possible. Like people are, unless you're drunk and I felt that growing up like Bickford's was kind of, and I think Bickford's is an East coast chain, but was kind of like my IHOP, but it was, it was a place that was like open late and then I like IHOP for me is one of those first 24 hour places where I would go after some drinks or after a night out with my friends.

And that was kind of for me, like the introduction to like, oh, late night kind of dining, it was truly at, was at IHOP because it's sometimes it'd be open to 24 hours. And I feel like that was like back in the day was just diners. Yeah. There is something to like, yeah, I feel like there's a, like there's, for whatever reason, it must be the, it must be the, the people working graveyard shifts and also like drunk and hungover people. But like I feel that a lot of these breakfast oriented places are open 24 hours and they

serve breakfast all the time and that's part of the appeal of it. You can go to an IHOP at like 3 a.m., but their menu is like, it also has this thing of like they're, they're at once appealing to people who, I guess Denny's has the same sort of a business plan where they're once appealing to people who are like drunk or hungover and then also like very young kids and then also senior citizens. It's like this weird like hodgepodge of like, you'll go in there and it's, you know, an older couple who's in town on, on vacation and then like, you know, some kid go in there for his birthday and then just some 23 year olds who are just blitzed out of their minds.

Yeah. And we, which is actually kind of just such a weird combo of people because then you're like shut up to those drunk kids because there's like a bunch of old people around them too. It's just a weird mashup, but, but we were saying that I feel like IHOP isn't as conducive to LA just for the fact that there's so many other places to go. And there are kind of like old diners like FAA one-on-one these places that no one listened to this podcast may know, but like these other diners that aren't IHOP and IHOP just seems out of place within the city.

But on the other hand, it is kind of comforting to be driving across the commentary and be like, there's an IHOP. We know, we know what we're getting in there. You know what I mean? It's, it's we can go on there and get eggs and bacon and be good. Yeah. And I do think like IHOP does a good job of delivering on that. Like, you know, consistency, I think is a big part of chain restaurants, of course.

And I think IHOP is reasonably consistent. I don't feel like I've been to a that many bad IHOPs, you know, I would agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. I like it's, it's also that sort of thing of it's hard to mess up eggs and bacon. And I'm with Allison. I feel like the like pancakes are, I love pancakes. And this is actually kind of a topic I want to talk to you guys about because it's, it's

the international house of pancakes, right? And like it's one of the restaurants that's named after like this specific food. And I, I do love pancakes, but they're not my favorite. I'm more of a Waffles guy. And there's also a Waffle house, but I got French toast today, which there was no French toast kind of restaurant, right? Yeah. There's that.

It feels like that's a gap in the market. There's a gap in the market. But why like speaking of big threes, the big three of those are the big breakfast, sweet breakfast is kind of pancakes, Waffles and French toast. I don't know if a, if a French toast place could sustain itself. I don't know if it could either. I, I, I put French toast on the bottom of my, I've say Waffles. I want French toast once a year.

That's how that's how I know a little bit. Let's wait, let's figure this ranking out. So, uh, so if we're going to go, go out and Waffles is number one, I guess pancakes and French toast, but really, I don't want to eat any of them because they make you feel so bad that that is always, it's always like a losing proposition of just the after bath is always a unpleasant. Yeah. Waffle is great.

A waffle is delicious. Yes. So you say, so you say Waffles, pancakes, French toast, Waffles, pancakes, French toast. I'm going to disagree with both of you. Okay. French toast one. Insane. Wow.

Waffles to pancakes three. I think, I think it's very hard to screw up a waffle versus the other two can be done so badly. Like a weird wet in the middle pancake or just French toast that like just dipped an egg, just awful. Yeah. Um, do you have a favorite, is there like a French toast that you like a lot? Well, I would say, I like just a regular French to like, honestly, like a

homemade French toast is probably my favorite. But I mean, I actually like the French toast they have at IHOP. I think they do a pretty good one. I would say, if you're going to get the French toast at IHOP, get the more regular standard one, don't go for like the, the, the, they have like a weird brioche, like cinnamon roll one, and then they have like a stuffed French toast that's got like cream cheese in it a little much. But I think their regular French toast is very solid.

I don't think IHOP does decadence well. Like I think if you get any of their extra fruit, like what was the, they had the special thing today that was just whipped cream and it was a brioche French toast. Yeah. And I got it and I actually did enjoy it. What did you, so what, what, what did you get, Mitch? I got the brioche French toast with strawberries and whipped cream. And then there was a combo where I also got scrambled eggs, two slices of bacon,

two slices of sausage and hash browns. It was kind of a hearty breakfast. Gotcha. Um, and I got the scrum. I was like, shake it eggs over easy, but I was like, scrambled eggs kind of seem like it takes a little bit more to make. So I got scrambled eggs and they were, that's the thing. They were all just good.

Like nothing was really wrong with it. The bacon was nice, not too crispy, which I like, but if you liked crispy bacon, you probably would have been upset. Sausage was fine. Hash brown was fine. And the eggs were fine. And the, the French toast was, was actually really good. I'm not a huge French toast guy, but, uh, this is the thing that with IHOP, the

fruit on top was a little bit cold. And that always happens to me at IHOP. Yeah. Cause I think it was recently unfrozen, right? Yeah, a hundred percent. I agree with you. It, but it was like a nice hot French toast and then just like a marble of a, of a strawberry on top of it, very cold, very cold strawberries that were like steaming

from the hotness of the French toast. And that kind of put a damper on it. Still good. And also all the syrup lineup that you have that, you know, you got, you got any syrup you could ever want at IHOP. Yeah. There is. Yeah.

I think there's something to be said for that. And I think that's a, that's a big thing in its favor of you've got the four syrups on the table. I remember as a kid, uh, and we would, you know, we had the, the old, uh, uh, the A frame style, uh, blue roof to IHOP, which used to be the, the architecture of it. Um, but yeah, I'd be excited about the, uh, the different syrups on the table. And I don't know if it's remained consistent over the years, but as of now, it's a butter pecan, strawberry, old fashioned, which is like a maple and blueberry.

Yep. Do we have a, do we have a preference of, of the syrups? So we tried them all. I didn't really fuck with the syrups today. I believe you, you had a sandwich, which I think is important cause I think lunch is an important part of IHOP. Okay. So the, so you kind of like, just as an add on decided to try the, the chocolate

chip pancake, that wasn't your main, your main meal. So what did you get Allison? I got, I want to say a Southwest turkey club that they was a turkey club that they put salsa on and it was not good. Well, like a pico de gallo? Yeah. On the sandwich? Yeah.

What kind of bread was it? Uh, kind of a sourdough. That sounds very strange. It was very strange. I ate all of it and it was a massive sandwich. So I couldn't, I was, it was all right. It was a pretty big, it was a pretty big sandwich. It was pretty big.

Wait. So what, like what else was on it? Is that it? Uh, Swiss cheese. Okay. Uh, turkey, lettuce, tomato. It feels like if they want to go Southwest, they could do like some sort of a aioli and maybe like a pepper jack, you know, like I feel like the Swiss and then

the pico de gallo is very strange. Yeah. I thought you ordered a tuna sandwich and so it was only halfway through that I was like, what is that? Yeah. I had no idea what you were eating. Yeah. Because Evan Susser, our good friend, was also eating, uh, well, the good friend

of the show. I know that you just met him today. Yeah. Uh, he was, I felt so bad because I was sitting in the booth and he was just standing there and I didn't know. Oh, no. Yeah. You know what I noticed is that, wait, what, what was this dynamic?

What are you talking about? He was standing next to you while you were eating a meal? No, because I was, I was five minutes late. Okay. And, and, and Evan was meeting up and they had never met before. Yeah. Gotcha. So he was just kind of like, I think he, he probably, you were the one person who

wasn't 80 years old. You think that he could have figured out that it was you? Probably. And then also we both sat across from you and it was very much like two fat guys on one side of a booth where like we were eating and our elbows were going to each other's faces pretty much, which we would have made fun of if you weren't there, but we didn't want to make fun of ourselves. Uh, and he, he actually got the French toast brioche as, as well, uh, the

strawberry one, but after the meal had, so once we had finished, we were like, oh, we're at the international house of pancakes. We should get some pancakes and that's when Allison decided or the chocolate, chocolate chip, uh, pancake, which was a mistake. It was, it was a lot like it was every, just a single bite of it was a lot. And I haven't had like a chocolate. I was like, Oh, that sounds like a great idea. And I had to have a child.

Like when I was younger, I'd get chocolate chip muffins and stuff like that. And I was like, Oh man, this is so crazy to eat just even a single bite of it. And I was like, we should put syrup on it. And they were like, no, okay. Cause even just alone, it was just so much eating a cake. That used to be my staple as a kid and the fact that my parents were fine feeding that to me, like it's, it's so much sugar. Oh yeah.

It's crazy. It's, it's, it's, it's, and also it's kind of market, like it has a face. Yeah. And it's like, why don't you make like the healthy breakfasts have a face? Like a kid will want a chocolate chip pancake, no matter what. Yeah. They can make anything fun. They, they don't need to add that layer to something that's, that's so unhealthy.

Oh yeah. Not at all. And we, yeah, we only, all of us only kind of took a few bites of the chocolate chip pancake and that was, that was it for it. Do you guys think, cause Allison made me think of something of like thinking back on my childhood, I do question my parents' judgment at times in terms of what they would feed me. Like cause I, for my, they got me cookie crisp cereal.

Yeah. I loved cookie crisp cereal, which is basically like many, many chip ahoy's that you pour milk over and that's, it's like you'd have, I'd have it for breakfast and then go to school. And it's like, they weren't, they didn't mean ill. They weren't trying to be, trying to feed me something unhealthy, but it was just like a weird thing to, to feed a kid, I feel like. Yeah.

Were people just less conscious of that? I think so. I think absolutely. Um, and we were talking about that a little bit. We did talk about that a little bit. Yeah, that came up. My big thing was Lucky Charms. And several times I picked all of the marshmallows out and just filled a

bowl with marshmallows and put milk on that and ate that. And my parents just sort of thought I was creative. Like, I think I just got a complete pass on that. Cause you just, I think that was a big period of, well, they wouldn't give it to us if it wasn't. Yeah. Bad for, if it was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like with breakfast specifically, like my dad would be like, come down and eat a bowl of raisin bran, but I'd always be like sleeping to the last minute. And he'd be like, here, just take like this fucking pop tart and get out of here. And like, I feel like that I would always feel sick in the mornings at school. And it was because I was like eating a pop tart, which you shouldn't be eating. Yeah. I had no, go on. Oh, and then like, I would, then I would start crashing from having no sugar.

And then I would like be falling asleep in class and then would go and like get a candy bar. So that's like terrible, a terrible way to eat as a child. But that's just what I, that's what I had to do. And you don't realize, like I, it took me, I don't think it was, it was until I was an adult that I made a connection between what I put in my body and how it made me feel. Absolutely.

Like I had like two bags of flaming hot Cheetos before Jim. And then we ran a mile and then my stomach hurt. Like I did, like it was just like a weird, what happened? I didn't understand what, you know, I don't think I figured that out until this year. Maybe just this very minute. I figured that out. It's like, uh, yeah, that, that is so weird.

And just like, I think it is a thing that's changed. Cause I remember when I was in high school, even every meal just came with fries. There was nothing, and everyone is, I think way more health conscious, even within the last decade, but I think it was a thing that just didn't matter as much. Or they didn't even really, maybe no, you know? I also played on a baseball team as a boy that was sponsored by IHOP. Wow. Oh, we're Barry the lead.

Yeah, I'm sorry, I should have brought that up. I'm sorry. Yeah. Did you have a, was it like on the jersey reflected anywhere? Yeah, it was on the back of the jersey. Oh wow. Do you still have it? Uh, maybe it would, should I try it on?

Go get it. I feel like a team photo would like, I would like to see. That sounds interesting. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I'll try to get, maybe we can post something online. Dig it up. I look like a, I was a little blonde boy and I was very, very thin back in the day.

Uh, and I also had a patch over my eye. So, uh, I was terrible. Did you have a lazy eye? I had a lazy eye. So I did too. Really? Yeah. Did you also have the patch?

Uh, I was supposed to wear it and then just didn't. And now one of my eyes is really fucked up. The other one's catching up. I was going to say, pretty bad. I was going to say bad ass, but now that that sounds bad. Did you wear the pirate one or did you wear the sticker? It's very funny that you say that. Cause they, it was just like the beige patch.

And then they were a bunch of different small stickers that you could put on the patch and one of them was a pirate sticker, which is funny because you're, you have a patch over your eye and then you're like, Oh, this pirate sticker is cool, but it's in no way like a cool patch. Like it blends in with your face and makes you look like, yeah, it makes you look like you don't have an eye. So I, I, I had that for a long time. I, I went to like the Boston's children's hospital and they thought I was going

to be blind in one eye. Oh wow. And then they were like, I had extremely lazy eye. And then this kid, Mike Green, it was, it was called extremely lazy eye. That was the diagnosis. I was just laying on a couch. Mike Green, a guy on my street said that if anyone makes fun of Mike Mitchell, I'll beat them up.

Oh, that's great. He beat a lot of kids up. I feel like I wore it for two minutes and my eyelashes kept getting stuck to the sticky part on the inside and I just took it off. And that was it. It was like, I'm going to live forever. Matter of my eyes, don't work. They, well, they thought I was slow and they were going to put me in like,

uh, like, uh, whatever class, a slow class, just based on the eye patch. Because like, I couldn't read stuff off the board. And they'd be like, what's wrong with this kid? Like they really were just like, we think your son is like slow, mentally slow. And my mom was like, yeah, maybe. They proved to not be wrong over time. Um, let's, uh, getting back to IHOP, you know, we were talking about like the, the very unhealthy things they have for kids and they had a thing in 2008 that

was just the most ridiculous, one of the most ridiculous food items I've seen in a chain restaurant, which was the IHOP Whoville pancakes. Do you guys remember these at all? It was a, it was a promotion for the Horton Here's a Who movie. Um, and it was a, uh, a boys and berry and blueberry glaze atop some pancakes with candy coated rainbow, uh, chocolate chips and reading the description and a bubblegum flavor lollipop. I got a picture here that we'll, we'll post online.

You guys can look at this, but this thing is unbelievable. It really is, it is outrageous, like that this is food. It's so, it's, so it basically looks like a turquoise and, uh, uh, like, uh, light pink paint that's been drizzled over a stack of, of pancakes. And then just like some Skittles thrown on top. It doesn't, it really does not look real. It's crazy how unreal it looks. Like that color should never be ingested.

You're not supposed to eat food that color. It's like the, it looks very Wonka-ish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the, go on. As a kid, that would probably be really amazing. Well, that's the thing.

It's like, you, you, like that so clearly appeals to kids and it's got to, like it literally has a lollipop sticking outside of the top of it. Um, and yeah, that is such a strong appeal of kid to kids, but like, it's also like, that's such a weird, like kids should not be eating that. Like it's, it's a little irresponsible. I wonder if there's like, I wonder if all the adults who ate that, uh, how many of them were murderers? If you're a single male and you walk into an IHOP at like 2pm and you order

the Whoville pancakes, it's like, you get put on a list. It's like checking out mine comp from the library. Uh, speaking of, uh, uh, IHOP's, uh, uh, promotions and marketing, um, they, uh, they're one of those brands that has one of those, they're like Twitter accounts where they're trying to be like very cool and, and, and like hip and like use, adopt the language of kids. And I have a few of their tweets here. These are, these are ones I'm reading verbatim.

Um, this is from the IHOP Twitter at IHOP pancakes on fleek. Second one pancakes. You look good. Won't you back that stack up? That's great. Come on. That's also so dated. It's true.

Uh, pancakes or nah. Oh, that's the worst. Uh, there's also when the whole squad looking fresh and then that's followed by four photos of pancakes. Oh, so far I'm very on board. All right. Yeah. Maybe it's good.

My rating for IHOP is fucking plummeted. Also in March of this year, they had an issue where they, they tweeted some lyrics, I think from a, a song that Nicki Minaj was on or had a verse on. Um, IHOP T tweeted, I ain't got no type. Pancakes are the only thing that I like. Um, and Nicki Minaj actually applied to that. Uh, sit that ass down, please, sir or ma'am. So I guess she was, she was not pleased.

Interesting. That's such a thing. I mean, that's bigger than IHOP, but like the topic or the idea of, of brands and it is very, it's bigger than IHOP, but it's also like weirdly focused on, on restaurants and food brands that are like trying to be very cool by using, you know, like all these, uh, uh, saying things like pancakes on fleek. Like what is, what is that? I, at this point, they all should know, just don't have an online presence.

Like you're just going to get in trouble. I agree. Something terrible is going to happen. Does it get anyone to go into IHOP more by tweeting? It can't, right? Especially since their base is drunk people, wandering in and old people who don't know what Twitter is like what you don't, IHOP does not need to have a Twitter account and they're, no one's going to see IHOP saying on fleek and be like, I

got to go. I feel like I'm an old man, read those tweets. He forces body to shut down and die. I enjoyed all of those. I, I hate that saying or nah, it's so fucking stupid. I really hate, do, is that popular? Do all young people like that? I don't know.

I really, I hit a wall. I don't know. I do not know what on fleek means. Oh, I've only heard of on fleek. It means it's, you're doing good. Oh, it's, I don't know. I guess, I just have only heard of it. You're like on point.

It's so stupid. I will say that, uh, firstly, I don't know, or nah could be from like 1991 or it could be a new thing this year. And I, either way, I'd believe it. I have no idea where it was from. It is new. It is new. Okay.

You mad or not? Like it's like, it just reminds me of like these like fucking idiot vine people. And, uh, sorry to start a war with vine people, but it's like, or nah. And it's like, oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah. This is, uh, uh, we're rebranding as Mitch's social media takedown. Sorry, it's bad. I feel like Mitch pretty much talked me into deleting my Facebook.

I did. Just a grumpy old man in front of his pancakes. Tell me to get off the internet. In front of his chocolate chip pancakes. I was, I was yelling about children. Oh, I got to say, by the way, uh, the coffee and orange juice at IHOP were both great. Yeah, actually, this is a really good point. I'm glad you, you brought this up, Mitch, because I, for me, this is a big point in

favor of, of IHOP. Good juice. Um, I tried the, uh, on my, on my visit, uh, where I got the double blueberry pancakes, I tried their splash berry, which is a, uh, it's, it's a, uh, kind of a mocktail with strawberries, lemon, lion soda, and, and some sort of juice component. It's pretty good, pretty refreshing. I would still take a glass of orange juice or a fountain soda over it, but if you want to mix it up, it's fine.

But the coffee is really very solid and they give you a little coffee pot that sits on the table. That's the best. It's great, especially we're talking like a drunk or hungover scenario, just having that coffee there. You don't have to wait for someone to come by with the pot. You can just refill yourself. You can refill your friends.

It's great. Yeah. It's really good. And I'm, I'm not a huge coffee guy and I'm, because if I drink Starbucks or something, I get too jittery and then like get anxiety and it's terrible. And I like, I'm like, I should go nap and then I can't sleep cause I have had coffee. Uh, but anyways, uh, I'm a weird person, but like that coffee was, that coffee was just like the right level of like, I was like, Oh, this is great.

And I had like a, uh, almost a cup and a half. And I was like feeling good and it tastes good. I was really, really impressed by IOPS coffee. Yeah. Coming from a guy who's not a coffee guy. So other people may kind of, uh, turn their nose at me. But if you're a coffee snob, you'll find problems with IOPS coffee, I'm sure. But like, if you're just a, someone expecting diner coffee, it is right at the,

like right, the, the big, you know, the, the biggest bulbous part of the bell curve in terms of coffee quality. It's like very like down the middle, it'll get the job done. And then getting that pot is so huge. It's so big. It's so great. Yeah. Uh, I got a question for you.

Why? It, did you say everything that you've eaten so far, by the way? Oh, so yeah, I can give you, I can give you a full rundown. I did. I got, I got coffee. I got the double blueberry pancakes and I got the splash berry. All good. All good.

I, good. Yeah. A very good meal. Um, why do we just, just as far as breakfast goes, and I think that this concerns IOPS specifically, why do when people get drunk, why do they want, why do they crave breakfast? Cause that is such an interesting thing to me. Like why do people want eggs?

Why not a burger? Like why is it like, I feel like everyone's like, oh, breakfast when everyone's really had a lot to drink and they want to go eat some breakfast food. And it's because the night is about to end and the day is starting and then they sleep in or something. I just don't, I don't understand why that is, but I know that I've done it even since I was in high school or whatever, but I just, I don't, I don't get it. Um, I mean, I think I most of the time want breakfast food anyway, even though I

didn't have it today, which throws a big wrench in this argument. Is that your favorite, is breakfast your favorite meal? Yeah. Yeah. I love a brunch. I love spending $14 on eggs. Yes. Um, so I, I don't know.

I think it is like mornings coming or we've all just been trained that that's what you eat when you've been drinking. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like though, but I've, I've tried, I mean, I've tried like the hungover, like I'll just get like a big Mac combo or something like that. And it works, but it's just not, it's not quite satisfying in the same way as like a big plate of bread.

I don't know what it is. I, it's, it's, it's, it is, but it is, it's interesting. I just don't know. Like a, a part of me is like, Oh, is it this like a fifties thing? Because it used to be like, let's go to the diner. Like after they were hanging out or something, and then they just kind of continued from there. Like, you know, like, like, uh, like, uh, like American graffiti style.

Yeah. That's weird to think about that people got hungover in like the fifties. Like, I guess of course they did. Of course people would go get fucked up and get hungover in the, but I just, like, I always think of like, Oh, we'd go, we'd share a milkshake. And then we'd, you know, I, yeah, I always, I always kind of assume it's like much tamer and everything was like asexual and there was no drinking or fucking or anything like that.

That's kind of how I like to think of it. Probably because my parents grew up in that generation. It's not a thing I like to think of, but like, I do think that there are, are some parts to it where it's like, I think that over time getting messed, like getting drunk and going to diners became more of a thing. I think they, maybe it was even more so. And maybe some listeners will know who grew up in that time period where, where like, you know, it was just like, Hey, the night's over.

Let's go grab a milkshake and some eggs or something. You know, I don't know. It's fascinating to me, but I have no answers. I'm sure. Yeah. I have no idea. Um, I think there's something healing about eating eggs.

Like you feel like you're doing something. I don't know. Seems like it's good. I bailed immediately. Eggs specifically, like they're like the, the life force or something like that. Oh, that's like really messed up. It's really, it's a baby chicken was denied life so that I don't feel so bad in the morning.

I get that. Yeah. It just, it's turned into such a thing where when, yeah, like I said, in my high school and with such a rowdy bunch. I remember I actually have a bad experience with IHOP cause I went there once and my friends were so messed up and I was like, keep it down. This is in high school or whatever. And I went to the bathroom and they snotted on my pancakes and I ate them.

And then I never knew like they told me afterwards. And then I couldn't eat pancakes for a really long time, which goes to show. God, Jesus Christ. Nick's face. I was like, oh, disgusting. And you continued to be friends with them after they told you? Oh yeah. They're like my best friends.

That's, I don't understand that. Yeah. Maybe it's their assholes. Yeah. I had a similar thing happen to me at a high school party where I was like super drunk and my friend thought it was funny to like, I had like a half empty beer and like while I was like in the bathroom or something, like peed in the beer glass, like filled it part up with pee and I drank it.

And then he was like, ah, you drank pee or whatever. And I feel like it's the same, that's like a weird prank where you're just tricking someone into doing something disgusting. You don't like kind of give them the opportunity to notice it or something. And like what's funny is that, hey, we got you. You know, there's no gotcha. It's just, it's just flat out deceit. You know what's funny about that is that my friend Charlie, who did that to me.

Of course his name was Charlie. Charlie Acton, you asshole. He then got tricked into drinking a bottle of beer that was all pee. And I loved that that happened to him. So I agree with that. I hate any sort of like, we may just ingest something gross. Yeah. Pranks like that.

That's, that's terrible. Well, we're both, we're both victims of it though. So I mean, yeah. And now we're both really into it too. There's a, I hop as their free pancakes day they do every year on National Pancakes Day, they, they like people will wait in line and get a free stack of pancakes. I don't know. What do you guys like, how do you feel about like free food?

Is that a thing you'll go out of your way for? No, no, I like any sort of thing was like, come to this, like there's stuff out here where it's like, you can come to this lounge and you get like, you maybe get like an Xbox game or something. I'm like, I'd rather pay 50 bucks and like not go. Not stand in a line. Not stand in a line, not have to be in like a big crowd. I think any free thing.

I guess the 7-Eleven free Slurpies thing is, is nice, but I never even take advantage of it. It's, it's, it's that sort of thing of like, I don't know, I'm just not going to, if I want, if I'm in the mood for it, maybe if it fell on that day, it would just be the perfect storm, but, but it's never really happened to me. Right. Also, how much do pancakes cost? Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Well, they're like, they're three dollars. Yeah. There's one, like I definitely have sympathy for like someone who's like broke and hungry and is just willing to like spend, like fine. But yeah, like, like the cheapskate who's just like could pay for it, but they'd rather wait 90 minutes so they don't have to spend like four dollars and, but they have the means to pay for it.

I don't know. That's someone I have contempt for. I don't understand like the deal guy, you know? Yeah. That's kind of how I feel about it too. Like I would rather they just gave a free meal day to like homeless people. Like I would, that would make me happier, honestly. Yeah.

And they probably don't want to do that. Yeah. But that's that, that I would be like, oh, that's a great thing to do. Like, I can just think of my cheap friends being like, nice. And it's like, what, who cares? Do you guys remember the cliff from my hop? This was a guy from the 90s. He had like an ad.

Yeah, a series of ads. Let's see if I've got one of these. I do not remember this at all. There was one where he wanted to order rooty tootie fresh and fruity, like the breakfast. And he was too embarrassed. I don't know why I remember this. And so he wore the like glasses and mustache thing. Wow.

Were you a big fan of this character? Loved it. No, I don't know why I remember that. It sounds like kind of like a Fred the donut man from Duncan donuts rip off to me. That's, you know, like he was, I think, kind of that kind of that character. You know, why don't I just go ahead and play this one right now? And we can we can just get at least a sense of of who this was. And maybe this whole jogs and people's memories.

Howdy, folks. Cliff here at IHOP with my latest tune. I wake up in the morning, empty feeling inside. I need me a heart of meals. So I take a short ride and get a big two eight breakfast and it fills me to the top. And now I'm feeling great. Thanks to my local. Sorry, folks, but the song's over.

What a great crowd. The big two eight breakfast only two ninety nine. So that was that guy. It was just some asshole character actor who he wasn't an ass. Why did they say that? He was like, he was fine. He was just a guy because he was from the south. I shouldn't know.

I for no reason I lashed out at this guy. It was very a very nice. That's pretty funny. He has a likeable face. He's very likeable. He stopped playing guitar and the guitar was still playing. There was funny stuff. Yeah, there's some funny stuff in there.

And you know, but he had like a there were like dozens of these ads. They were just on forever in the 90s. And no one ever questions why he's alone at IHOP talking to no one. I wonder if that's like more of their business than they let on. I wonder if there are a lot of like because I've eaten definitely not IHOP alone a number of times. And I wonder if that's part of their thing of like sad men is part of our demographic. I definitely think that could be the case. Like a sadder, sadder men going to IHOP and think about stuff.

I remember I was on a cross country trip and we went by a steak and shake. And I never had steak and shake before. Steak and shake is great. And I never I still have never had it. Oh, bummer. And my friend Scott was like, we got to go to IHOP like for breakfast. And I was like, fine, we'll go to IHOP again. And then I was just a sad man in IHOP.

My family's from St. Louis and we used to go steak and shake all the time. So good. It seems just more unique than IHOP. I think IHOP, I think it's a step above Denny's. You know, like I think it's quality wise is kind of just a little bit of a step above Denny's. But it's not, it's nothing fancy. I feel like when I went to IHOP as a kid, when we got one in our town, it felt kind of like more high class.

It felt like it felt kind of like a real breakfast place, not like a locally owned breakfast spot, but something that was like of high quality. And now I think that it's it's lost some of that. Maybe especially because we were at the IHOP on Sunset Boulevard, which isn't the greatest one in the world, I'm sure. But I don't know, it seems more chainy. I feel like over time, a lot of places have fallen to that when they become big and they just become more of a chain and everything is streamlined.

Yeah. Well, I definitely get more of a homey atmosphere from IHOP. And, but I get what you're saying that, yeah, like as a chain expands, as it has more and more locations, that's naturally going to happen. Let's wrap up our thoughts on IHOP. So we're going to go around and everyone will kind of give your summation of your IHOP experience over the course of your lifetime. And then let's give it a rating from one to five forks, one being the lowest.

So, Allison, let's start with you. I'm going to give it a rating of I think four forks. Oh, wow. Because I do think it's top tier chain breakfast food. And I even though I can't eat any more very warm feelings about smiley face chocolate chip pancake. Which like almost. Almost killed me.

Maybe your sugar, yeah. Yeah, today you almost all died from it. And for coffee on the table and multiple syrups, I think is great. Yeah, definitely. Make sure your thoughts. Well, I think that they do a decent job there. I still don't know why it's called International House of Pancakes. I don't know if we ever really discuss it.

Is it because? I can illuminate that if you like. Please do. It's a this is as part of their history, like when they were established, they had the idea of pancakes from around the world. And so like, if you find some vintage menus, they'll have like, they still have like crepes on their menu. Yeah.

You know, they had a bunch of different types like a Belgian waffle and like a crepe from France or whatever. So that was like the idea behind it. Oh, that's kind of cheap to me. But I got it cheap. They used to have little like action figures that were different. And they were pancakes with personalities. Like there was one with like a hat that was like American.

Oh, strange. It's very strange. Because well, I just think of all breakfasts. Like I don't think of like, oh, like a French toast is French. I just think of it all as just a very American food. I think it might have been a not like when they established it. I think that might have been kind of the novelty. That's very interesting to me.

And I especially think that there's something has changed. I think pancakes were more of a breakfast thing that people really loved back in the day. Right. Maybe maybe maybe the love of pancakes has faded over time. Yeah. Right. I don't know. I just feel like maybe back in the 50s or something,

pancakes were where it was where it was at. And there was a new item or something. And now I'm just like, whatever, pancakes are very cakey. And I'm with Allison. All kind of sweet breakfasts are tough for me. I'm more of a waffle guy. But that being said, I love IHOP for it. For it's just overall, like you said,

it just kind of hits that quality line. The coffee's good. The juice was good. You won't get a terrible, terrible meal there. So I'm going to go three and a half forks. Three and a half forks. OK. For me, IHOP, I have a lot of history at IHOP.

I've eaten in a number of times over the years. I used to love it as a kid. I had worked a job that was walking distance when IHOP would eat there once a week. And I think I want to touch on the idea of, yes, they have sweet breakfast. Yes, they have pancakes. But I think their savory breakfasts are good too.

And I think that's actually a very solid thing there. I think their omelets are pretty good. If you just want to get an egg combo with some breakfast meats, some hashbrowns, and a side of a couple of pancakes that you could do a lot worse there. And I feel like encapsulating is a family experience. I think if you're visiting family or you have family in town

and you want to take them to a breakfast place that's not going to upset anybody, they do have a great seniors menu. They have an expansive kids menu. They have lots of stuff that's going to make everyone happy across a wide swath of demographics. So for me, I'm going to go with Allison for Forks for IHOP. Oh, wow.

See, now I think that IHOP does that thing that, you know, a lot of Jewish diners will have a ton of stuff on their menu. IHOP has a lot of stuff, but almost just the right amount. Like they don't go too crazy, which I think is a huge plus. It's not a cheesecake factory. Exactly, yeah. And you know, I agree with you,

the omelets are stuffed with cheese. And everyone has great memories of IHOP. I feel like everyone has a memory of going to IHOP at some point. Yeah. Good spot. Quality. Good spot. We like IHOP.

We like IHOP. We like IHOP. Well, that's our opinion of IHOP. We view it favorably, but there's some people who didn't view it as favorably, including this next guy. This is a little segment we call an unsatisfied Yelper. This is a one-star Yelper view of a Manhattan IHOP

by Matthew W. of Flushing, New York. Matthew writes, Had some chick who provided no service, insisted the original pancakes was three pancakes when it says five on the menu, gave an attitude when we told her we ordered the set of five, overcharged us for the bill. We paid, then she was complaining about Groupon coupons

on the side in front of the register. When we left after, she was not monitoring our table. She then walked out and claimed we did not pay for the bill and accused us all of stealing. Meanwhile, she wasn't paying attention at all, a whole bunch of ellipses. We asked if someone took it and she claimed that she doubted it in a rude voice.

Total B. And when she found out her teammate took the receipt, she just laughed and walked away like a B. IHOP should be changed to IHOP, International House of Bitches. Good bird. Boy. Matthew W.

Matthew W. Matthew Wainer? That was Mad Men creator Matthew Wainer. The show's just writing is very good. I hate a Yelp review that tears apart a waitress. Yeah. Because that's the hardest job. And we just have no way of knowing what Matthew W.

was like, probably horrible. He said from what he... Yeah, from tossing around B a lot, he seems like a piece of shit. And so like when you get that guy's point of view, like that's just someone's telling you a story of like an argument they got in and you kind of are like, wait, I'm taking the other guy's side. This is one of those cases.

Yeah. I kind of, I like to think that this Matthew W. guy like says B too in real life. He's like, what a B and stuff. Like he says that to his shitty friends. Yeah, that's... He thinks that the restaurant should be renamed after... Her?

Her? Like that's... He's a terrible man. Waitressing is one of the hardest jobs that there is. And sometimes you can get an nasty waitress sometimes. Absolutely. But you got to be nice. And I'm sure that that guy was just being a dick, right?

There's nothing to it. Yeah, he was probably... And you can never trust a one-star or a five-star review, I don't think. I've never gotten so angry at a restaurant like that ever, maybe as part of the problem. Right. I've never...

I've gotten mad when we haven't been seated at a place or something, me and my friends. And then I got... I remember one time getting mad with Harris Whittles and Armin Weitzman and Matt Koalic. And they the whole time were like, where are they? Where are they? I was like, guys, relax, relax.

And then finally, I was the one who got upset because I saw them disrespecting us. And I was shaking. I was like, you're not listening to us. Like, I was the biggest pussy on earth. Right. And that's kind of how I dealt with it. Like, I was close to crying.

But you should never... You should understand... Like, sometimes you'll get ignored or something like that. And that is bound to happen. But then, you know, whatever, you leave less of a tip, maybe? I don't know. What do you do in that instance? What, like a bad service?

Yeah. I just say, like, they were having a bad day. And that's it? Yeah. That's probably the best thing to do. Oh, I'm definitely a tip docker, which I think is... Every time I do it, I'm like, this is so shitty. We've had to talk about that.

And I kind of... If you are, like, at this place, we were... She was like, oh, sure thing. And then she went and then she was talking to her other employee, like, just, like, laughing and talking. And I saw that out of my eyes. And I was like, that's being disrespectful to a customer. And she did it for, like, over 10 minutes.

Yeah. And I was like, that's being disrespectful. And I think we did dock a little bit of tip that day. But I'm kind of with you, but I'm also kind of with Nick, where I'm just like, whatever, here's 20% and I'm out of there. I guess I have, like, as someone who at my... At any job I've ever worked, I, like, half-ass it. I, like, I have so much empathy for someone who's half-assing it.

And especially, I mostly have jobs that I like these days. And I'm still, like, just fucking half-assing it. And so when I see, like, I would hate being a server so much that's such a hard job that you have to interact with people who are rude to you. If they're half-assing it and getting it done, fine. Godspeed. Yeah.

And for so long, like, if you have a shitty table, they could be there for an hour, hour and a half. Like, you just have to keep dealing with those people. It's such a bad job. I think that people like Nick are the problem with America. I wish we could go back to the 50s, when you just go get a milkshake and everything was all right. So take it easy with going back to the 50s.

The 50s. That's a lot implied there. I know nothing about the 50s. Well, segregation was very big. Oh, yeah. Maybe we shouldn't go that far. Let's move on from my hop and let's go to our taste test. This is a segment we call Snack or Whack.

Mitch, you've picked out a snack for us to test, taste test here in the studio. Tell us what it is. So I got Wonka's Sweet Tarts Gummy, the gummy version. So it's a new snack. I bought it at Ralph's. Then when I left the store, I found out that there was a piece of chewed gum under the bag,

which is very gross. It's still on there, where you're showing it to us. It's still on there. I couldn't get it off. I was trying like hell. Oh, you shouldn't have touched that. Yeah, it might be putty or something. I've washed my hands since.

It might be putty or something. I don't know what it is. But I got these and I also got GoGurt. They're resealable, which is nice because it's a huge bag. I also got GoGurt's, but Nick wasn't feeling GoGurt. Oh, thank goodness. Because I feel like I'm very sensitive about when and where I can have yogurt.

Yeah. I feel like this is a little bit, I feel like GoGurt is a little bit more conventional than these sweet tart gummies, which is something that's new to me. So let's give these a chew. Yeah, let's try them out. Here we go.

I'm going to take a few. I'll take a couple here. They don't feel anything like these. I like saying let's give this a chew. Anyway, I think that's great. All right. So these are kind of, they've kind of got the same shape and size of sweet tarts, would you say,

but more of like a gummy worm texture with a sugary, a crystal-y coating. And you can smell that chemical tang, you know? That like, oh, this is going to be weird and tangy. Yeah, they got that sweet tart. Oh yeah, they definitely got that sweet tart tang as you're showing them. And they are chewy.

They are very chewy. They're very chewy. Oh. These are fresh. These are right off the vine. I'm going to see what's in these. They're not. Okay, I just had the green one and it tasted the most like

a sweet tart. The other ones did not taste like the, I had a couple of oranges and they did not taste like a sweet tart at all. What are the colors? We got kind of like a green, a blue, a purple, and an orange. Is that it? Yeah.

Okay. I think it's a basic. And a pink. Sweet tart flavor. It's funny, it doesn't capture the essence of sweet tarts. No. It's just like a gummy snack. I tell you this, this orange one I just had

just tastes like one of those sun-kissed orange snacks. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not getting much sweet tart from this. I don't dislike them. Sure. I don't dislike them either. But I don't love them.

Yeah. These are one of those things that I would just eat all of, even though I didn't like it, if it was around. We got to make a judgment call here, guys. What do we do? Let's go one at a time. What do we think? Snack or whack?

I'm going to say whack. Because that's not, if I'm picking one snack, it's not going to be those. Sure. I 100% agree with that. Oh, shoot. I don't know though. This is really hard for me because I'm a gummy man.

Everyone knows that about me. But they're just not, yeah, they're kind of like the bottom. They're also not sour enough. Like they're not sour patch kids, and they're not kind of gummy bearish enough to be gummy bears. But I still do kind of enjoy them. I think they're good. But for the most part, kind of whack.

So whack. I'm going with whack. I'm wondering, I'm just wondering people listening, just how much gross mouth movement they're picking. So much. There's probably a lot of people who like that too. I don't mean to talk about fetishes so much on this show. What is that thing where if you do it in your opening,

when you talk about the restaurants, and you have a really breathy voice, there's this thing. Oh, yeah. Like it's ASMR or something like that. Yeah, I don't know what the acronym is. Just a full body kind of orgasm. And there's like podcasts dedicated to maybe smodcasts dedicated to just people like,

now I'm whispering and like a comb is going through hair. And it's supposed to like. Is that supposed to make you come? It's supposed to give you like, or does that soothe you? I think that might be more soothing. It's also, here's the deal. Some people have it and some people don't, but it's supposed to give this like full body tingle.

And some people, I think it's AMSR. I don't know if it is, but someone will correct us. And it's this thing that's like, they kind of equate it to like a full body orgasm. And I do have it. Do you really? I do have it. Yeah, and I used to get it all the time when I was like sitting,

like if I was in detention and like the teacher was just like talking to me quietly. And sucking your dick. And sucking my dick. Like I would get that kind of feeling. Or if I talk to someone who has like a very quiet voice, it does happen. I actually do suffer from this thing.

Or not suffer. It's enjoyable. It's just kind of strange. It seems great. It's nice. It's kind of like the, a little bit like the chills, but it is, it's different. Do you have it or no?

I don't know. No. I think you would know. A lot of people don't know if they have it. Oh. But you, when you do your introduction, you're like, I hop open when you talk like that. That's when people get it a lot of the time.

So you rock hard through that whole 100%. No, it's not like, it's a body thing. I got you. So whack. That's, what is, what is your, yes, whack. I tell you, these aren't my favorite. I agree that the sour is not sour enough. However, pretty good gummy texture.

I think if you're craving a gummy snack, I think you could do worse. I'm going to go with snack. Okay. That's fair. I, I, I agree with that too. I feel like I'm very much in the, I want to give it like a swag.

Because I feel. Yeah, in between. Yeah, I'm kind of an in between on that one. Well, I think one pro, two cons is kind of, it gives people a sense of what to expect from the, what was it called again? The sweet tart gummies. Sweet tart gummies.

I think just a hard sweet tart. I'm not super into either though. I don't, I don't love, I like those more than I like sweet tarts. Oh wow. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Cause those are chalky.

Yeah. It's like a chalky. And some people love sweet, like, I think those are like sweet extremists who love sweet tarts. My friend Anthony loved sweet tarts and he was like, he loved like sour and sweet things, like the extremes. So. Yeah.

Favorite candy of a young old person. He would like a sweet tart. I agree with that. I have a snack question for you, just because you said you grew up where like Frito Lays were made. Did you ever smell like the fresh baking of Doritos or anything like that? I don't think so. I think may, I don't know what they did there.

I, I don't know. No, not really. So you would never really smell like any sort of corn chip or anything like that being baked or cooked? No. Okay. That's fair. It never rained like cool ranch dust.

That would be fantastic. No. Okay. All right. That's a little different snack or whack. At this point in the podcast, we like to read an email from a listener, just like a restaurant. We value your feedback.

Let's open up the feedback. So our email today comes from Dave Ferguson. Look, Mitch and I and Allison know Dave. He's a dear friend. It's true. The two of us, we went to his wedding. We, we're recording this before any episodes have been released. So like on our personal Facebooks, we're asking for people to send in emails.

Dave Ferguson sent one in. He's actually sent two in because it kind of hurt. He sent, he's sent multiple emails in. But it was a good question. We, we figure we're going to address it and just the interest of full disclosure will say that we know this man and, and. I wouldn't say a good friend. I'd say a great acquaintance.

All right. Here, this is a, this is Dave Ferguson's question. He's actually got multiple questions within one email. I'll read the whole email. Are there any chains that you like purely out of nostalgic affinity, despite the fact their food admittedly sucks? As people who have spent most of their lives on the coast, do you feel like you've missed out on the heartland and the south,

home of many long running and beloved chains? Are there any chains you specifically want to try? Have a good ep. That's very sweet. Nice, very nice. You know, speaking for myself, I've, I've just, I've never had white castle. And I've, that's the, that's the less of I think of a coastal thing. That's, that's more of a west coast versus east coast thing.

And so I'm, I'm interested in what a, what that is, that's like, I've also never been to a hearties. I've only been to Carl's juniors and I want to know what that difference is all about. I don't know. Very similar. Yeah. I don't know if there is a huge difference. Okay.

I think maybe things just have different names. So it's like a Disneyland, Disney world sort of difference. Yeah. Okay. Pretty much. I, so that's, that is a great question by Dave. Yeah. I don't think I've ever,

there's no place really that if the food sucks, but I love it just because I love it. Cause I probably won't go, like go there anymore. Are there places that I used to like, when I was younger, I really liked Burger King. And now I think the quality of Burger King has declined. But every so often I want to whopper and I might go there. I guess that's kind of an example of that. But if the food is pretty bad, I, I don't go like, I, I get dominoes and stuff still. Places that people think are terrible, but I like the taste of them sometimes.

You know, I'm just kind of craving that whatever that, that food is, you know. So that's kind of how I feel on that question. Yeah. Do you want to answer? What was the other one? Oh, the other one. The one you have in China. Yeah.

And for me, I was a Northeast. I grew up on, in Massachusetts. And I heard of like, and I went to a waffle house when I was younger. And I've, I heard of like, like chains, like, oh, like Creighton, like, is it Creighton barrel? No, no. Cracker barrel. Cracker barrel. Creighton barrel.

I also actually, I ate at a lot of Creighton barrels. And, and it's, it's that weird trade-off. Cause like, I was like, oh, we're missing like some cool chains. And I feel like I've got to try most of them as an adult and coming out here, I never had Carl's or junior or Hardee's. And when I came out here, I had like Carl's Jr. And, and Alberg and stuff. And that was like, that was cool.

And I think that there are like maybe some cooler chains out, out on the West coast. But the trade-off is that the East coast has a lot of cool kind of like delis and sub shops that are like really amazing that, and I'm like, oh, I love these places back home, you know? And, and, and you guys, and out here, you don't, I feel like you don't have that as much. Not to say that there's less restaurant options. I'm just saying like specifically sub sandwiches and stuff like that. Like a Jersey Mike's.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, not like a Jersey Mike's. Jersey Mike's is good. Jersey Mike's is fine. See, but that's, that, that is kind of the, the, the chain in Massachusetts, there's DeAngelo's, which is a sub shop chain.

And I think that. Everyone's completely naked while they're singing that song. And, and I, I prefer that almost over every sub shop out here. And then, but then even just like the local sub chains, I kind of like better. But, but it's, it's kind of a trade-off. You get all sorts of trade-offs in different areas. And, and I've over, over the years, I've, I've got to travel around and try many fast food places, which is pathetic, but, but, but West coast has

some good stuff. Alison, what about you? Any chains you like purely out of nostalgic affinity and, or any, any chains you've never tried that you want to try? Red Lobster, by far, favorite. Always jokingly want to go, but really want to go. Oh yeah. Based so, like that was bribery to, from my mom to go to church, was we won't get to go to Red

Lobster afterwards. And I would just eat a bunch of the cheddar biscuits and order snow crab leg. Like just half. Like it's disgusting, but that was what I would every week for a very long time. And really want to do that again and haven't really gotten to as an adult. People love those cheddar biscuits. That's for sure. They're really good.

I like that. They're really good. I'm a fan. Yeah. How about the other half of that question? I also have never tried Cracker Barrel and people seem to love it. And I guess I would, I think, because there's knick-knacks too, right? Is that the thing?

He, I, there's, there's a little, so I have had Cracker Barrel, actually, but there are, Wait, so you lied earlier? Yeah. Did I say that I never had it? I think I was using it as an example. Okay. So I'm sorry. So that you wanted to go and then finally.

Yeah, I, I, I went to, I went to a Cracker Barrel. It's the same thing with a Waffle House. Actually, so I think I did just absentmindedly lie about that. And I apologize. So you gave a lie as an answer and then went on a huge tangent about East Coast versus West Coast delis for some reason. All right. Nick and I took a nap.

You know what? We're only a few episodes into this. You can break up with me if you want to. No. Listen, the Cracker Barrel has a bunch of knick-knacks and stuff. It was a thing I tried later on in life. There are still some chains that I have not tried. Yeah.

I also, I have a very strong fondness for White Castle, even though as a kid, I remember being in St. Louis and eating so many of them that I threw up and that I was wearing a bathing suit. That's like. That's a bad throw up. That's a bad throw up. And I lived, when I lived in Brooklyn, I lived near the White Castle that recently closed and it was very sad.

And I never went to that one before it closed. I've never had White Castle. So maybe. You definitely said you'd never had. I've never had it. Yeah. I've, I've messed up. I also have never had White Castle.

I've had the Microwave White Castle, which actually are not bad. It's pretty much the same as the one from this. Yeah. That's kind of what I thought. But like I've had five guys and all the other, like I feel like each region has its own thing. Yeah. Sorry, I had Cracker Barrel Why. Did you buy a Nick Mac?

I did not. No, but there's tons of, yeah, there's like, it's kind of a weird shop. You enter and it's a shop and then the restaurants to the side. Yeah. I think I'd be very into that. I think you'd like it. Yeah. It's a good spot.

It's a good spot. If you're listening out there and you have a question or comment about the World Chain Restaurants, you can email us at doboyspodcast at gmail.com or reach us on Twitter at doboyspod. My AMSR. Yeah, you're trying to make us go. Allison, thank you so much for joining us for this iHop episode. So much fun. So where could people check you out?

At Allison and Gusty at twitter.com, I guess. Sure. Just Google. You can just Google. I hate this part. We could edit this out. You could say nothing. I don't know.

This is where you have to do this on podcasts. It's part of podcasts. No, I appreciate it. You say your Twitter handle. That's just what you do at the end. I know. It's hard. It's hard.

It's weird. It's weird. But yeah, it's just my name. I have no problem promoting my Twitter. Your Twitter for a time, wasn't it Mitch Cumsteen? Yes, my Twitter for a while was Mitch Cumsteen. It's a joke from Caddyshack and people in college used to call me Mitch Cumsteen. And I made it my Twitter handle and then everyone was like, gross.

And I was like, I didn't mean it in that way. Twitter is very sensitive. I'm now a liar monster human. Fuckin' matter. Well, that'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. Thanks so much for joining us. Until next time, happy eating.