Doughboys - IHOP Xbox Indiana Jones Menu with Mary Holland
Episode Date: December 12, 2024Mary Holland (@maryhollandaise, Night Bitch) joins the 'boys to talk favorite times of year, pet food, and Medieval Times before a review of IHOP's Xbox Indiana Jones menu. Plus, a Snack or W...ack with the new Salt & Straw Red One flavors.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.nasa.gov/history/65-years-ago-the-national-aeronautics-and-space-act-of-1958-creates-nasa/https://science.howstuffworks.com/ten-nasa-achievements.htm#pt8https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/infographics/20-inventions-we-wouldnt-have-without-space-travel/https://myburbank.com/flashback-friday-the-very-first-ihop/https://www.ihop.com/en/about-ihop/historySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Podcast. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care.
It could only mean one thing.
McRib is here.
At Participating McDonald's for a limited time.
Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash doughboysmedia.
1958 marked the founding of two of America's great acronymical institutions, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration,
better known as NASA, and the International House of Pancakes, its name
later officially abbreviated by the business. Established in a fit of Cold War
panic, NASA became a symbol of American innovation and mobilization,
with landmark achievements such as the Apollo 11 moon landing, the Hubble Space Telescope, and the invention of the CAT scan.
Meanwhile, the Burbank-founded IHOP became a stalwart of American breakfast chains,
pioneering the A-frame dining room, all-you-can-eat pancakes, and the Rudy Tootie fresh-and-fruity breakfast.
But as both approach retirement age, their fates seem to be diverging.
NASA, one of the great successes of America's public sector,
appears to be waning as privatization and profit motive has come to space exploration.
Meanwhile, the Pancake House, now part of a duopoly with brand-stable-made Applebee's,
is on the rise, riding a wave of increasingly specific and influencer-conscious branded tie-in menus.
Its most recent collaboration?
A crossover with the Xbox timed exclusive video game
Indiana Jones and the Great Circle.
Does this new submenu belong in a choosium?
Or will it rapidly age our GI tracks
like a sip from the wrong grail?
This week on Doughboys, we return, yet again,
to IHOP for the Xbox Indiana Jones menu. -♪ Doughboyz! -♪ So it's the Doughboyz!
Doughboyz Doughboyz!
-♪ Doughboyz! -♪
Welcome to Doughboyz, the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host,
Charlie XXL, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.
XXL, actually, that's my gold shirt.
You know, Mitch, speaking of shirt sizes,
I'm wearing the Sideways shirt that I got,
one of my favorite movies.
They released some merch for,
now I normally wear, I'm mostly an XL guy myself.
This shirt's an L, which I got, hold on, hold on.
I'm not looking for praise.
Congrats on your XL.
Hold on, I'm looking for praise?
Congrats on your XL shirt size.
You think that was what I was fishing for?
I have three times the fun with my shirts.
Give me that three X, baby.
That's what I say.
And they say, we don't have it in three X's.
I'm all for comfort.
Wear whatever you like. You know, we try to be size in three X's. Oh shit. I'm all for comfort.
Wear whatever you like.
We try to be size inclusive with our merch.
Here at Overit can ship goods.
Yeah, we gotta be. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha This is actually, I sized down because I heard this ran big. This is an L.
I'm still fucking swimming in this sum, bitch.
And it's not that I've lost weight or anything.
It's just that this shirt is absurdly big.
I feel like I'm Amelia.
What's, I feel like I'm 25 wearing this big old shirt.
First of all, it doesn't look that big on you.
It feels very big.
If it doesn't look that big, then great.
It's fucking tight, if you ask me.
Second of all, if you invest in stocks, find out where Kinship Goods gets their fabric from
and invest in fabric.
Whatever textile mills.
Whatever textile mills.
I think there's just, we need, around the holidays too,
when people order some Doughboys merch.
It's true.
They're gonna need a lot of extra fabric wise.
For me, I need the big sizes.
I like the big sizes.
I also like things to be loose on me.
That's, I do understand that level of comfort.
Cause that for a long time, felt the style was like,
oh, we gotta, everything's gotta be like kind of tight
and form fitting.
Which if you carry a little extra around the mid section,
which we both do,
you feel a little self-conscious about that.
The bigger flowing stuff, I like that this style is back.
I was talking about, there was a wrap gift
for Twisted Metal.
Uh-huh.
This is just sad.
I shouldn't tell this story.
But I was asking my mom, I was like, which one should I do?
What color jacket?
Because you get Coutou and then Samoa Joe
is getting a navy blue.
I was like, Samoa Joe's getting it.
My mom was like, you should get one too.
Cause you guys are a duo.
Yeah, that's kind of cute.
Come on.
That is cute.
So I was like, I'll do that.
And then I was like, I think I get a four XL.
Cause I want it to be like big and loose on me.
And my mom was like, I won't allow you
to get a four XL size thing.
And I was like, all right, I'm not going to get a four XL.
I didn't get the-
Michael, the ceiling is three X's.
I feel like the ceiling a lot of the time is 2Xs.
Yeah.
Three sometimes.
Three is like the ceiling ceiling,
but then the cool spots will be like 2XL
and the 2XL will really be an XL, you know?
Yeah, it's the sizes, man.
No one gives a shit about this.
Well, actually there are some people who care about this.
I think people do care about this.
I think sizing is all about shopping for clothing. It's fucking annoying. American Eagle, you can eat my shit. Standard about this. Well, actually there are some people who care about this. I think people do care about this. I think sizing is all about shopping for clothing.
It's fucking annoying.
American Eagle, you can eat my shit.
Standardize this.
Is it American Eagle?
What is the one?
There is a brand called American Eagle,
but I don't know if it's one.
No, Abercrombie actually is okay sized.
Oh no, they still kind of suck.
Gap was always good to me when I was younger.
Hollister?
What's that?
Hollister?
No, not Hollister.
American Apparel was always really tiny.
Ooh, maybe American Apparel.
They're still around?
They're like Los Angeles Apparel now.
The founder of American Apparel, I think,
was a piece of shit.
Yeah, he was.
So maybe that's what it was.
I feel like American Eagle maybe is.
Is there like a, what's like a men,
oh, J. Crew, wait.
J. Crew?
Is it J. Crew that sucks?
Banana Republic?
They all suck.
There was one that the pant size only went up to like 30,
like a.
Oh yeah, and there's that, it's of course even worse
for on the women's side.
There's that one brand that has like,
everything comes in one size.
What the hell was that?
That weird like.
Brandy Melville.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The like fast fashion.
Look, it's just six shit.
Everything was like one size and it was like, unless you,
if you have fat on your body,
you can't shop here.
Yeah, I gotta say this.
Wayne Brady is outside your window
and he's dressed like a minion.
I'm not even kidding around.
Wayne Brady is here and he's dressed like a minion.
He is, okay, look, here's the thing.
I'm gonna be focused on the show we're doing right now.
We're recording this podcast.
We're not talking to the people
who are outside the studio.
Wayne Brady is here.
He's wearing a long sleeve.
I'm waving to him.
He's waving at us.
Lovely man.
Oh, blowing kisses.
That's so nice.
Oh my goodness.
He's wearing a yellow long sleeve shirt and a yellow.
Now we have to.
Oh, hey.
We're waving to everyone.
And overalls.
It's very minion-toted.
He looks very much like a minion. He looks very minion-toted. It looks very much like a minion.
Yeah.
It looks very-
I love it.
It looks like a million bucks.
Well, I remember this game.
Oh, here we go.
Is he coming in?
Oh my God.
We watched Despicable Me, and you gave it five bananas.
I did, yes.
I was shocked.
Hello.
Hi.
Is it a breach of a program?
No, no.
This is so great.
What a dream.
I was just saying, because I saw your picture, I said, she's one of the funniest people on the planet.
Oh my god, yeah.
And then she said, oh, she's right over there.
So yeah.
Wait, nice to meet you.
I'm Mike.
Nice to meet you.
Hi, Nick.
How are you?
Pleasure.
I'm sorry to bother you.
We were marking on your wardrobe because you look great.
You look great.
You're pulling it off.
Oh, thank you so much.
And the shoes?
And also, we were going to say this, it is almost, it's minion coded.
It's like cool minion, it's like a cool minion look.
That's what I'm trying to do.
I'm trying to make minions cool.
Well, this guy will love that because he's a huge minion.
I'm on board.
I'm trying so if you can help me out.
Yeah, of course I'll do my best.
You're the man, yeah, wow.
Wow!
You never know what'll happen here at Head Gum.
This is the head, what a celeb drop-in.
He's over there right now yelling at Anya,
he's like, I don't look like a fucking minion.
We blew the deal.
I'm just gonna make a comment.
The deal.
Oh wow, wow, what a nice funny man. We all like Wayne Brady. That was a the deal. Oh wow, wow.
What a nice funny man.
We all like Wayne Brady.
Hi, going back to that roast.
Hi boys and a special hi to my old pal Nick, that's me.
Rat summer may have ended, but hopefully I can get
this roast in while you're still taking them.
And if you ever need a special wine correspondent,
I'm ready to enlist in the burger brigade.
Eric L, I think I know who this is.
I think I went to university with Eric. Roast at bird know who this is. I think I went to university with Eric.
Roast at BirdFuck.com.
You think you went to university with Eric?
I think if this is the Eric L. I'm thinking of.
And that has a wine connection.
Yeah, this all adds up.
He's ready to enlist in the Burger Brigade,
which he is your friend from college,
and he's ready to enlist.
Join Spoon Nation, baby.
Get in there.
Spoon Nation numbers are dropping.
It's not good.
Uh, yeah.
I guess it's just knowing me for 10 years,
you kinda, you know, you don't like me,
that's what happens.
I think there was some fatigue after January 6th.
Took a lot of energy out of him.
Look.
Not coming back this time, people are kinda like, eh.
Here's the thing, once he gets in office, everyone's going to be there.
He's going to dismiss the charges for everybody, right?
I mean, the promise, we'll see if promises made or promises kept, but the promise was that, yes,
some pardons will be coming for people who were indicted for and convicted for January 6th.
So there's pardons that opens up the window for our guests.
If they get pardoned, we can have people on the show, right?
Hypothetically, the actor who plays Jimmy Pesto gets pardoned.
I think he's up for grabs for the Doughboys family.
I just want to say this.
Very nice man in my experience.
I have not met him.
An incredibly talented performer.
I loved him.
And I almost went with him.
I'm glad we are are gonna cut this later
Wags let's hit him with a drop. Why not previously on freedom? Oh, that's just the boys
Boys
Should we have a feud with the podcast should it be the double? Yeah should. Is that fair? Three on two? Let's start it now. Doughboys more like the solid bodies. We're coming for
you. That's nice. Yeah. That's about all we got. Hey, aren't you? Why aren't you guys
dead yet? I feel like for me, you know, like garbage. Is that too hard? That's too hard.
Really? You don't want them to die?
Well, we want to win this battle, don't we?
I know, but that's no way to win.
I don't want them to die.
I never said I wanted them to die.
Oh my God.
I just expressed surprise that they're not dead yet.
Wow.
Wow.
Shout out to the Freedom Gang.
We love those guys.
Yeah, love the Freedom Gang.
And we're happy you're not dead over here. We're happy that none of them are dead. We're happy you're not dead over here.
We're happy that none of them are dead.
We're happy that none of freedom are dead.
So yeah, I'm saying a rebuttal to them.
A rebuttal.
Paul F. Tompkins asked why aren't we dead yet?
And I'm saying we're happy that everyone's alive.
We're happy they're all alive and well.
Why did you get so scared?
I don't know what you're doing.
I don't know if you're throwing heat back at them
or now it seems like you're kind of deflecting.
Well now I'm scared. I felt like I wanted to some bees nest here
What the hell? I don't know what's happening. Well, we'll cut this too. I guess
Freedom hey shout out to the freedom crew. We love the freedom through. All right, this will be a nice reset
So we got we cut what this happened earlier. So this is we'll just include shout out to the three
Freedom crew. Okay, we salvaged it
And we're happy you're healthy and happy. We're happy you're happy and healthy
Something's going on today
Look Wayne Brady came in here and did Wayne Brady throw you off because way
But he was dressing up a minion was that was the issue and I was like
You got excited going to react to us saying that you're you kind was dressed like a minion. I think it's thrown off a little bit. Was that was the issue? And I was like, kind of like, you got too excited.
How is he going to react to us saying
that you're, you kind of look like a minion?
I went for it.
I did go for it.
I did go for it.
I admire you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, you gotta say what you're saying behind the,
I can't, I'm not gonna just not talk.
I know, I know.
I don't wanna seem like we're shit talking this man
behind his back, which we weren't.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think he handled it.
I don't think that he's-
He didn't like it.
I don't think he's upset that we called him-
I don't think so either.
I think we said it's minion coded. Yes. When I first saw it, I was like, Wayne Brady's upset that we called him. I don't think so either. I think we said it's minion coded.
Yes.
When I first saw it, I was like,
Wayne Barry's dressed exactly like Minion.
I almost thought it was a joke.
Yes.
And then once I saw it more, I was like, it looks good.
It looks stylish.
It looks great.
It did.
Yeah, it looks great.
He looks great.
He looks like a million bucks.
He looks so much better than I could ever look.
And the hat was cool.
It was great.
He looked cool.
That was the whole thing.
So what is your fear here?
We love the Freedom Crew,
and we're happy they're happy and well.
All right, so this is good.
We landed the plane.
Landed the plane.
Who sent that drop in?
The Freedom Crew, we love you. I also liked that, Ockerman said we had hard bodies.
Yeah, that was nice.
That was good as hell.
Drop her today.
As people don't know that, you got to go to Comedy Bang Bang and then afterwards he'll
give you a really nice compliment.
Yeah, he's like fucking nice.
That's the payment.
Yeah, that's what-, fucking nice. That's the payment. Yeah, that's what.
Nice fucking body.
Yeah, that's what he got.
Haven't seen Lapkus in a while.
Miss Lapkus.
Funniest, PFT funniest, Ackerman funniest,
all very funny show.
A funny show.
We're happy they're happy and well.
A funny show, unlike our show, one funny person.
I think you can guess who it is.
It's the person in the center, not the host.
She hasn't been able to-
The person who Wayne Brady publicly identified as the funny person.
As the funniest one in the room.
The one who didn't carve a minion to his face.
The one who hasn't said a word yet is regretting being on the podcast.
Hi, Doughboyz Crew.
I'm not sure if this has been brought to your attention, but on August 1st of 2024,
the Pretzel Gang over on 3Dim started a feud with you. I wish you the best of luck in this rivalry.
You might need it because it sounds like Paul is taking it very seriously. Brad.
Thank you, Brad.
Thank you, Brad.
So wait, if it's a rivalry, what should we say? Fuck you, 3Dim.
That's what I was saying earlier. That's why you said you were being super nice to them.
I thought they were trying to start a feud. All right, well, fuck you. Freedom. That's what I was saying earlier. That's why you said you were being super nice to them. I thought they were trying to start a feud.
All right, well, fuck you.
Fuck off.
Fuck off?
Yeah, fuck off.
Fuck off, Freedom.
Freedom, more like, I don't know, Freedom.
Three smart?
Freedom, more like, yeah, that's good.
More like three smart.
More like, yeah, that's good. More like Three Smart.
Yeah.
When Brady's still here.
No, he's-
Okay, he left.
He left immediately and it looked like
there were tears coming down his face
as he was walking out of the room.
Drops at Birdfuck to come.
Should I introduce our guest?
100%.
It's been long enough.
From Ghosts Happiest Season and the new film Night Bitch,
Mary Holland is back.
Hi Mary, thanks so much for being here.
Hi, I'm so happy to be here.
I'm thrilled, I missed you boys.
It's been too long.
I was looking at the date.
Has it really been, have we not had you on
since everything locked down?
So it feels like it's been some time.
That's right.
I feel like the last time I was on
was when we did a live San Diego.
Oh my God.
That was years ago.
And we covered Rubio's...
That's right.
...coastal grill.
Yes.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's the last time.
That was the last time.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
And I guess I came on here because I just want to know like, what happened?
What did I do?
What did I say?
What did I...
Do you regret coming on here now that you've been here for the first 15 minutes of the What happened? Like, what did I do? What did I say? What did I?
Do you regret coming on here now that you've been here
for the first 15 minutes of the show?
Well, I will say, yeah.
No, not at all.
I couldn't be, I couldn't be more thrilled to be here.
I got one.
Three of them are more like pedum.
You smell like piss, all three of you.
Pretty good.
I thought that was pretty good.
That was pretty fucking good.
P dumb, P dumb.
This me. Fuck.
I thought it was pretty good.
I mean, this guy's not this freedom more like he's smart.
Oh, God damn it.
Is this one of those days
where there's something wrong with you?
There's days when I'll come in and I'll be like,
oh, there is something wrong with you.
You have a jaw issue right now.
I do have a jaw issue.
Yeah, this is the thing with, and look,
like as you get older,
a thing you find yourself running into
is you have something wrong with your body
and you go to see a medical professional
and their response is like, man, that sucks.
It's like, there's a certain point where just-
That's been my last year.
That's been my last year, basically.
People just can't help you anymore.
And you're just kinda on your own.
Yeah, and they're just like, could be anything.
Yeah.
At this point.
Exactly, so I've got this, my jaw, like on my right side,
and I think this was bothering me on a recent episode.
I remember this main theater Patreon,
where I was dealing with this, but like,
my jaw will just like kind of pop out of its socket.
And this happens mostly, it used to just happen in the morning.
Like first thing in the morning,
when I would be like grinding my teeth at night,
I have a night guard, but you know, still it would happen.
Now it happens a lot when I'm like chewing like anything.
So it's just kind of like a chronic thing
and it's pretty painful.
But I don't think that's the reason
I'm particularly disoriented today.
I was saying, well, I was saying that you should get
a Hannibal Lecter mask, which didn't really make any sense.
But if you have a night guard,
I hope it is Hannibal Lecter coated.
It would be cool if it was Hannibal Lecter coated.
No way.
You know what my issue with the doctor, I go to the doctor, I'm like, I'm not gonna be able to get my head electric-coated. All right. Um. You know what, my issue with the doctor, I go to the doctor, I'm like,
oh, I got this, like, my knee hurts.
Yeah.
Or my back hurts, he goes, here you go,
here's some Ozempic.
I don't need the Ozempic.
Hup, I take it down though.
Hup, hup, hup, hup.
You just eat it?
I eat it, yeah.
It's a shot, right?
Yeah.
I think it is, shh.
Yeah.
Shh, shh.
I'm like Bane.
Uh, I like, I'm like Bane with Ozempic.
Now that would be a night guard that was Bane coded.
Very cool.
I might just.
Oh, isn't that nice?
How did he say that?
My cravings are going away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like mine was close.
Yours wasn't that nice.
No, yours is honestly better, of course.
Of course.
We did Ask Cat together the other night.
Yes, we did.
And Jason Kelsey was the monologist.
Podcaster Jason Kelsey.
Podcaster Jason Kelsey, that's how Gabris intro'd him.
Very fun.
Very nice man.
Very fun. Another podcaster.
How about that?
A few more listeners, I think, than us.
Yeah, maybe a few more.
Yeah.
Very charming man.
Very charming guy.
Yeah, and very sweet.
The stories he told made me, I was like, wow,
he says, what a sweet man.
Very sweet man.
Talked about loving corn on the cob
and going to the state fair with his family
and just wanting cotton candy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, very sweet.
It was beautiful, which I could relate to, honestly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Our stories are on the Doughboyz podcast
are always about like, jack it off at a public men's room.
Those stories are fucking awful.
Yeah.
Nothing wholesome about what we do.
Yeah.
There's some we-
But to be fair, you were jacking off to cotton candy.
Yeah, that's true.
It is true.
Brought that up on my phone.
You got a picture of Cotton Candy on your phone?
Damn, that looks good.
There's something, if there was a scary movie,
a Bane with Ozempic going through his things
would be pretty good.
Yeah, you mean like a scary movie
in terms of the scary movie spoof genre.
No, I think because you said scary movie, people thought you meant horror movie.
Oh, sorry, scary movie.
They didn't realize you meant like scary movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Scary movie, spoof.
Epic movie, you know, a spoof movie.
Oh, a spoof.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
If there was a scary movie.
And he just keeps getting tinier and tinier.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you could be mean and make it someone who's taking Ozempic or something like that.
Right, that's a good thing.
Yeah, you could be mean for sure.
You could be 100% be mean, but we won't be mean.
We're not gonna say it.
No, we're not gonna do it.
But you could be.
You could be.
Well, you could be.
You always can be.
Yeah, yeah.
But do you choose to be?
No, we're not gonna choose that.
We're gonna choose to be,
we're gonna take the higher ground.
We're not gonna do it.
Shout out to freedom.
Freedom.
I'm gonna be on that show. Wow. That's niceDUM. I'm gonna be on that show.
Wow. That's nice.
I'm gonna be on that show someday.
They have like made it a point with their fans and their followers that everyone's like,
I'll never be on the show, but I'm actually, I will be on it.
Oh, that's so nice.
Shout out to the PEDUM crew.
Love them.
Thank you. Thank you for making that work.
I think it will work eventually.
Happy Holly Jolly Holidays.
Holly Jolly Holidays, you know, you have a Christmas film
that you acted in and co-wrote Happiest Season.
Are you, does that come from a place of enthusiasm
for the merriest time of the year?
And is it the happiest season?
Is it the happiest season?
Is it really the happiest season?
Is this season the happiest season?
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, I have experienced it as-
You're dodging the question.
No, no, no, hold on, hold on.
I mean, I have experienced it as being that-
Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes?
Yeah, 100%.
I nail our guest, it's fine.
I'm fucking nailing. I'm nailing.
Stop yelling at me, Mitch.
God.
You've been screaming at me since I sat down.
I have experienced it as being the happiest season of my year.
But I do find that it changes what season is the happiest.
Sometimes summer is the happiest.
And sometimes Halloween's the happiest.
Fall is the fall.
Fall is the happiest. Never spring., yeah, the fall. Fall is the happiest. But, um. Never spring.
I kinda like spring.
Huh?
I kinda like spring.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
You would.
What's wrong with spring?
Well, spring, no, nothing wrong with spring,
but it does make me think of sludge.
Sludge.
No, thank you, I don't want sludge.
It's, it's, the snow is melted.
Meanwhile, sludge lover over here. It's the snow is melted.
Meanwhile, sludge lover over here.
We have the blue skies.
Sludge lover, yeah, jeez.
I was looking at a picture of cotton candy
making some sludge.
Oh, God.
So horny.
So I had a, here's the thing,
I don't have a sludge association
because I am from, I've lived in Southern California
my entire life.
I don't experience snow falling. So like, I don lived in Southern California my entire life.
I don't experience snow fall.
So like, I don't think of a sludge.
What I think of is like, oh, it's the days are long,
or then the days are longer.
We can, you know, like, like the,
it doesn't get dark as early.
And you know what?
The end of the school year is coming.
Summer's coming. It's not too hot.
Exactly, yeah. Yeah.
It's like, it's actually the weather is usually idyllic.
The heat actually, honestly, I maybe like the summertime,
at least here in sunny California.
It gets too hot.
I kind of love summer.
Wow.
Yeah.
Too hot.
Well, you're a California boy.
Again, yeah, and then lifelong so calciferate-y.
Are you surf?
No.
You know what you don't get out here though?
What?
You never get a white Christmas.
Have you ever gotten one?
There has been the occasional snowfall here, right?
Yeah, but not when I've been here,
it's never been like snowing on Christmas.
I mean, my grandparents lived on my dad's side,
my grandparents lived in the mountains.
And there is every biome in California
is one thing things is great about this state.
So we could go up there, there'd be snowfall,
but not where we live.
Yeah. I got something here.
I'm dreaming of a white Elvis.
That's really good.
The Colonel.
Colonel Tom, I'm dreaming of a white, you know, he's white.
I thought that was gold.
I liked it.
Yeah, I loved it, yeah.
I loved it, it was so good, I loved that was gold. I liked it. Yeah, I loved it, yeah. I loved it, it was so good, I loved that.
Did you see the Elvis movie?
I did, actually, I did.
I did really like it.
He's quiet, that's what that's what it is.
He is that Austin Beller or something else.
Oh my goodness, yeah.
We should cut that and do it in our live show.
White Christmas, quiet Christmas?
Quiet Christmas?
I mean, we got nothing else.
Nothing else for your live show?
We got nothing else so far.
What about, what do you, what?
The guest is sus.
Yeah, this is what I was gonna say.
We'll be fine, our guest is sus-er.
Oh, boy.
Okay, time to go over what happened to Thea.
Time to go over. That's what... I mean, I think that... I think this will be a home run, but look.
Gonna be great. We'll see what happens. What did I say about your grandpa earlier? You gave
information about your grandpa. Oh, well, this is my other grandpa.
Oh, okay. My, my, my,
my, yes, my maternal grandfather worked at a JPL installed their first computer way back
in the days when it was a huge room size thing. Jet propulsion laboratory. That's right. And
what did I, what did I say? I forgot what you said. It's good to know that you're descended
from early nerds. That's what it was. Thank you, Mary. Um, yeah, uh, it, it's, uh, that was good.
That's what it was. Thank you, Mary.
Yeah, it was good.
Thank you.
It is good to know you're descended from early nerds.
That's cool.
That is cool.
Also, we've gotten like, it's like the Wigers have gotten dumber with each successive generation.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If I had a kid, they'd be like fucking dumb as shit
I get along with you so much more
My dad's dumb
Yeah, yes
Me the idea of me wanna have a slice of cake
The idea of me and your son just like Bane
He's gonna use the ozempix juice he juice. He's got to resist that slice of cake.
Just the idea of me and your son bullying you and possibly shoving you around seems
so much fun to me.
I think that we would push you around.
You're fantasizing about me having a child.
Your child growing up so...
So that you can team up with him when he's big enough to bully me, your co-host.
So in my head, I'm fantasizing about being 60 years old.
Yes.
And your son being 20.
Not having your own child.
No, this is great.
And he and I pushing you around.
Just pushing you in a circle,
just pushing you back and forth.
In a circle?
Well, yeah, he's gonna be big.
He's gonna be a big boy.
He'll complete, we can complete a circle together.
No, it's better for the world at the Doughboys.
There's no Doughboys Jr.
Yeah.
Which we would, it would just happen.
We'd have little Nepo podcast kids.
We'd have little Nepo podcast kids.
A Dough babe, a Dough baby.
A Dough baby.
We'll have little Dough babies.
Yeah, they'd hand over the podcast. We'll have little dough babies.
Yeah, they'd hand over the podcast.
We'd make sure they were bad at it
so that they could kind of continue that lineage, you know?
Yeah.
It can't be good.
Yeah.
No, I've thought about that.
I'm like, is every like person,
like every comedian I liked,
am I gonna have to like deal with like,
when I'm like 50 and 60,
like deal with like their shitty or younger version,
you know what I mean?
Like their offspring.
The answer is probably.
Yes, probably, yeah, yeah, yeah.
From what we've seen so far.
From what we've seen.
Yeah.
Okay, Night Bitch, I know this is a,
I loosely know the premise of this movie.
I want to, I haven't seen it yet as of this recording.
I'm very excited to see it.
Yes.
But I know there's like a feral state,
like becoming a dog or some version of that
is some element of it.
My question for you is, and for everyone,
is have you ever eaten dog food or pet food more generally?
Because I have.
Oh!
Oh!
Anyone else?
No, I haven't. I haven't.
And it's not, but I'm causing because-
Amelia Corson, yes.
Amelia has it every day.
Loves it.
Loves it.
But I open my mouth in shock,
not that I'm horrified or disgusted. I'm not.
It's mostly I'm thinking like, wow, Nick's eaten cat food
and I haven't.
What am I missing?
Why have I not done this?
Is mostly what I'm thinking.
Yeah.
Why haven't you done it?
Why haven't you eaten dog food, you freak?
No one eats dog food.
Well, but dog food is human food.
It's just, I mean, it's like, I think that it's mostly safe
for human consumption.
Did you have like, have you ever tasted
like Wally Nurma's cat food or anything?
No, I'm not gonna open up a can of nine lives and eat.
I mean like-
They have wet food?
I give them wet food and dry food.
Okay.
Do you try wet food or dry food?
So I had a dog bone.
Okay.
And it was basically like a stale,
like no sugar cookie, basically.
Like it was just like,
it just tasted like a really crispy biscuit.
Hold on, I think I probably have bit a dog bone.
Oh, so like a biscuit.
Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta.
No, I didn't eat like a spoon of like dog food.
Didn't you try a greenie during the dough-a-thon?
Oh my God, did you?
We maybe ate a greenie.
We did, I maybe ate a greenie, yeah. What was itthon? Oh my god, did you? I maybe ate a greenie.
What was it like?
Not good. None of them are good.
I thought you were talking about wet dog food.
And that made me ill.
I was thinking of kibble.
No, wait, Amelia, what did you eat?
I've tried cat dry food and goldfish food.
What's goldfish food?
It's the little flakes.
That is gnarly.
That sounds gross.
They kind of slap, I'm not gonna lie.
What do they taste like?
They smell good.
I remember smelling fish food and being like...
It's salty?
Hold on a second.
Well, but here's the thing.
This is all human food.
Humans eat all this food.
It's true.
You know?
Goldfish flakes kind of slap is what she said.
Goldfish food kind of slaps.
That is not true.
Go fish- Have you tried it?
No, I will eat it at some point if we're gonna eat it.
We'll do a better episode. I'll eat it.
I'll eat it.
What, you got dry cat food?
Yes, I've tried dry cat food when I was little.
I haven't tried it lately.
Yeah, mine was when I was younger.
Yeah, I used to eat it a lot and my mom would catch me,
but this is when I'm like two or three.
Okay.
Oh yeah, I've pulled a few babies away
from dog food bowls.
Yeah.
Do you have a memory taste of like,
do you have a taste memory of that cat food at all?
Yes, just because I smell it on a daily basis
and so I can't remember what it's like.
But it's salty.
Torturous every day you feed your cat, basically.
That's horrible.
Have you been tempted to dip back in?
I'm a little hungry.
It's just salty is what is the first thing
that comes to mind.
Interesting.
My child eats from the dog food bowl,
that's the way it's gonna be from there, aren't it? I'll as well's the way it's going to be from there on out.
I'll as well tell them.
That's how you eat from here on out.
You're getting treated like a dog.
Yeah, but once you're going to eat off the floor.
Yeah, that's it from here on out.
Take a shit, you got to go outside.
Pick it up with a plastic bag.
I'm going to fucking walk you.
You're like an animal.
I'll treat you like an animal.
I did try to walk my cat once.
What happened?
That is not, that's never fun.
That's not, they don't want that.
They don't like that at all.
That's what I learned, yeah.
No.
Have you tried that?
I've tried that, yeah, because I got them little vests
for when I traveled.
Yes.
You gotta put the vests on.
When I traveled.
Yes, you're the cutest.
During COVID, I brought them back to Massachusetts.
Oh yeah.
And it was, I've told this story before,
but we got in my uncle Jim's car
on the way back and he was like, you want to put them in the back? And I was like, no, they're fine.
And then on my street, Wally took a shit in the carrier. And it was like, it was like, oh,
like you could smell it. Yeah. And we were like, roll down the windows. I'm like, I'm sorry,
this like never happened. So I had to take them to a baby changing room. And it was very funny
because they like, I opened the thing and they like got out
and they were walking around the baby changing room,
which was disgusting, but it was very funny.
I'll never travel with them again
unless I move back to Massachusetts for good,
which could happen.
Yeah.
Might happen, who knows?
Could it?
Yeah, why not?
We don't even gotta be out here anymore, right?
I mean, like do actors have to be in California anymore?
No.
But it's like getting shoots out here, so. Nothing shoots out here anymore.
That's the other thing.
Yeah.
I don't think it matters.
So maybe I'll go back there at some point.
We'll see.
We'll see.
I like it out here.
Then you'd miss, yeah, you'd miss all the action
over here at Headgum Studios.
I guess that is.
I mean, yeah, celebs come in and out.
It would be so much easier to tell Wayne Brady,
he looks like a minion from my basement in Quincy.
But I'm a man of my word and I said it.
Oh man.
A very funny man.
I don't think you have anything to worry about there.
I don't have anything to worry about.
I was just like disoriented.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
An unexpected occurrence.
How could I not come into the,
I guess I would probably have to come
and travel to do doughboys episodes, huh?
I mean, if you want it, if you wanted to keep touring.
That wouldn't mean that you keep, you keep like doughboys is, is international.
That's kind of cool.
Based in any one specific place.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah.
We're like pit bull at this point.
Yeah.
And I say that all the time.
The doughboys are like Pitbull constantly.
You say the Bill Boys are like Pitbulls or do you say-
No, just Pitbull.
Oh, the artist.
All right, thank you.
Yeah, the artist.
We're like Mr. Worldwide Ass.
Wise.
Okay, we ask you about Long John Silver's every time you're on.
Yes, of course.
It's the first episode you did.
It's been long enough where I just want to get a baseline.
Have you been to Long John Silver's at all recently?
Because they seem to have all shuddered her
in the Southland.
Did they?
Yeah, I haven't.
I think even the Cardinal one isn't hanging on anymore.
Oh, that's devastating.
So it's been a while since your last Long John Silver.
Yeah, it's been a while.
You still have affection for this.
Oh, of course.
We'll always have affection.
It's pirate themed.
It's a dream. Okay, of course. We'll always have affection. It's pirate themed.
It's, you know.
Okay, that brings me to my next question
because you worked at Medieval Times
and we've reviewed Medieval Times
with you and your husband Matt.
Yes, we did.
And that was a lot of fun.
That was a blast.
That was so much fun.
We went next door for a different episode
to review Pirates Dinner Adventure,
which is the competing chain.
It's a similar concept.
And I imagine you haven't been.
I haven't been.
Medieval Times food, pretty good.
Like satisfying, like, you know, gets the job done.
Pirate Dinner Adventure, I think,
was one of the worst meals we've ever had on the podcast.
The show was great.
And we had one of the performers on the show.
The show was very, very entertaining,
but the food itself was exorbitant.
What did they serve?
Boy, they served just like a bunch of like,
it was like bad like 90s airplane food.
Like when you get a dinner on an airplane,
it was like all stuff that felt like it was microwaved.
Like just like really like clearly, you know,
flash frozen vegetables that were reheated.
Yeah, I could get a rundown of the menu items,
but it was fucking awful.
You remember that meal, right Mitch?
Yeah, horrible. It was awful food. What a bummer. You think it would be like, you know, a rundown of the menu items, but it was fucking awful. You remember that meal, right Mitch? Yeah, horrible.
It was awful food.
What a bummer.
You think it would be like, you know, a bottle of rum.
Yeah, sure. Sure, yeah.
Some fun stuff, but nothing fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, there was nothing fun.
It was sad.
We had our friend Jeff Budner was on the show.
Jeff. Yeah, Jeff Budner.
Jeff was an actor, but like he also is a performer.
He has a number of credits, but he's also
a performer in Pirates of the Internet.
And they do a lot of stunts.
They do a lot of stunts.
And that's what's really impressive about it.
But Medieval Times is the same sort of thing.
The show is really quite an exhibition.
Yes, it is.
But it's less like I imagine that the Pirate show
is very acrobatic, and Medieval Times is much more jousting.
I think that is fair.
I think they leaned into the swashbuckling
a little bit more.
Doughboys can be pretty,
Doughboys can do some of that too.
Whoop, whoop, whoop.
You punched at me in the face.
And why was I the first punch that you delivered?
Instead of preparing me in some way,
by gesturing that way, your first punch was at my face.
Man.
Yeah, see, that's much less,
I just can't believe you did that.
That was so.
Go after me, maybe?
You're too far away.
You're a guest.
Our guest?
I'm your guest. I guest? I'm your guest.
I'm the one you have like a rivalry with?
I thought that you could-
And you also, you got so excited. You're leaning so far forward.
So excited to hit me.
I wouldn't- I'm not excited to hit you. I would never hit you.
Also you were doing-
All I know is you came this close to hitting me.
I would never hit you.
And what with the fifth- I saw your knuckles. It was a straight up knuckle sandwich that you tried to feed.
I would never give you a knuckle sandwich.
Never, ever, ever.
I just got off filming Twisted Metal.
I've done some stunts.
Here we go.
I did stunts on Twisted Metal.
I would never.
And you have to make your own stunts.
None of this is like pirate-like stuff.
What are you doing?
Classic pirate. None of this is like pirate like stuff. What are you doing? Ah! Psh, psh, psh. Psh.
Classic pirate.
That was insane.
That was honestly insane.
Yeah.
It was insane.
I'm sorry.
Have you been back to medieval times?
Fuck.
I haven't.
I haven't.
Because they've changed the story a number of times! I haven't. I haven't.
Because they've changed the story a number of times.
I know, and they have a queen.
They have a queen now, yeah.
That rules.
That's so good.
Mitch?
Mitch!
Mitch!
I'll protect the queen with my life. I'm so, then the reason I sigh is that I, what I wouldn't, what I would do
to be the queen at Medieval Times.
Now I apologize if I get your title wrong,
but I believe your role, you were a photography wench.
So was that the designation?
Oh, you nailed it, yeah, yeah.
You're a photography wench.
So you were not like a part of the show.
And when I'd heard you worked at Medieval Times,
you're such an, as Wayne Brady said,
an incredibly talented person.
I assumed you were part of the production.
I would have loved that.
And in fact, there was a moment, so I was so obsessed with Medieval Times, I just, I
can't remember if I talked about it on the show, but I wanted to work there as a performer
so badly, but the only job opening was Photography Winch. And then I remember the Lord Chancellor who is the, was, who, you know, is sort of MCs
the show.
He's extraordinary.
And he is also in charge of casting for the show.
And I remember he came up to, we're at like a photo stand after the show where people
can go and buy their pictures if they didn't buy it during the show.
And he came up to a woman who works with me
who was not an actress, and he came up to her and said,
do you have any interest in playing the princess
in the show?
And I shit my pants.
Um, no I did not think I would have.
Did you have to do any stunts for that role or no?
Mitch.
Mitch, I never played it.
That's the point of the story,
is that I never got the chance to play the princess.
Oh no.
So no, I didn't do any stunts.
If you were gonna do some stunts,
like what do you think you'd do?
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
I'm really just, yeah, she's just saying right now,
Mitch punched Mary in the face.
Emma, Emma, you missed Mitch doing stunts.
He did stunts?
He hit Mary in the face.
I didn't hit Mary in the face.
You're hitting women, Mitch?
Yeah.
You can't just call it a stunt and be OK with it.
I did not slap, I did not slap you.
No, no, you didn't.
If you'd slapped anyone, you'd be banned for 10 years
from the Doughboys podcast.
Wow, you have the Will Smith rule? That's the Will Smith rules. Wow, good for you you'd be banned for 10 years from the Doughboyz podcast.
Wow, you have the Will Smith rule?
That's the Will Smith rules.
Wow, good for you.
They're in effect for the Doughboyz podcast,
just so you know.
Standing policy.
But after 10 years,
After 10 years, you're back. come on back.
He's back.
All right, let's talk.
Bring up Will Smith's wife, I won't slap you.
If you bring up Jada Pinkett Smith,
I'll slap the shit out of you.
I won't. That's a promise. Well, you just brought her up. Slap, I'll slap the shit out of you. I know.
I just promise.
You just brought her up.
Slap yourself.
Ow.
Oh, God, bitch.
Billy did that already.
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
That's worse than me doing the stunt on you.
Is it?
What is happening?
I'm trying to wake you up, fool. I'm doing what? Are you trying to wake me up? What is happening?
I'm trying to wake you up, fool.
I'm doing what are you talking about?
You're trying to wake me up.
You're doing me a service.
Yeah.
You got thrown off with the Wayne Brady thing.
You're out of your mind.
I think you got thrown off by the Wayne Brady thing.
No way.
You're being unhinged.
That's insane.
You're being insane.
I slap myself.
I'm being unhinged.
Yeah, you are.
Mary told me to slap myself, I listened to the guest.
This is crazy, I can't believe I'm getting pulled
into the middle of this, this is really...
Can I say this about...
It's the holiday season, for God's sake.
It's the holiday season, can I say this about
Will Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith?
Great in the Matrix sequels.
Okay.
Oh, great.
All right, I'll allow that.
That acceptable? That's acceptable. No one, I'll allow that. Hmm. That acceptable?
That's acceptable.
No one's getting slapped?
Mm-hmm.
I've only seen the one, Matrix.
Just don't say any sequels you think she might be good in.
Oh.
You're referencing that the actual joke
was about G.I. Joe 2.
G.I. Jane.
G.I. Jane 2, sorry, I forgot what the joke was.
You forgot what the joke was?
The weirdest moment in all of entertainment history. I didn't see it was. You forgot what the joke was? The weirdest moment in all of entertainment history?
I didn't see it live.
You didn't see it live?
I was playing video games.
You dork, what the fuck's wrong with you?
I was playing video games and Allie came in and said,
well, I know you don't care about Will Smith
just to slap Chris Rock.
I was like, that's crazy.
Like when I, it's like, I found it the same way
when Princess, when Princess died.
Here's your sippy cup. You fucking baby who, my adult husband Like when I, it's like, I found it the same way when Princess, when Princess Di died.
You fucking baby who, my adult husband
who's playing video games as I'm watching the Oscars alone.
When I played, when I was playing-
Sucks.
When Princess Di died, I was playing Might and Magic,
Dark Side of Zine on my dad's computer.
And my dad came in and say,
I know you don't care, but Princess Di just now. They both happened in the same way.
Whoa!
Jesus Christ, I would love to see every event
through your dork eyes.
Yes.
The towers are falling, you're playing fucking
Smash Brothers Melee.
Smash Brothers Melee.
There's a global pandemic.
Just playing all through it.
Okay, let's talk about breakfast.
I was down Cape Cod when Miss Princess died,
I remember that. Wow. On my last visits to the Cape, Okay, let's talk about breakfast. I was down Cape Cod when Miss Princess died,
I remember that.
Wow.
On my last visits to the Cape,
we had a little, a Cape House,
we split a Cape House with my godparents' family.
What about that one?
Cape House, is that what it's called?
Yeah, a cottage or something, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cape House.
Cape House.
Yeah, Cape House, cottage, yeah.
Nah, look, it was-
Was it fucking Dracula Castle, a Cape House?
Cape House.
No, that, speaking of night bitches. Or fucking Dracula castle, a Cape house? Yeah, a Cape house. No, speaking of night bitches.
Or a magician's, a magician's lair.
Were you saying at a magician's lair, Mitch?
I was not saying at a magician's lair.
It was a little cottage down Cape Cod.
Yeah.
And you know what?
Sandwich, Massachusetts.
Oh, that's right.
We've talked about Sandwich, Massachusetts.
Yeah, front of the pod sand.
Named for?
Or named for the Earl?
Or who, why is it, why?
Why is it named Sandwich?
And what's the etymology of sandwich for sandwich mass?
I think it is probably something like,
it's probably, someone needs to figure this out.
My guess is that it's probably like the Duke of Sandwich
or some shit.
But I don't know, I should know the answer to that.
Yeah, well anyway.
It says it's named after Sandwich's Seaport Town
in Kent, England, because the marshes in the area
reminded the founders of the English town.
How about that?
From the pot, Sam Brown is from Sandwich.
Is it a very marshy area?
There are for sure marshes.
There are definitely some marshes.
What's the difference between a marsh and a swamp and a bog?
Great question.
That is a great question.
You know cranberries are in bogs.
Well, there's cranberries.
Yes.
There's specifically cranberry bogs.
You don't need to have cranberries in a bog.
Oh, it's just called a bog if you know the cranberries in that swamp.
But there are cranberry bogs, Emma knows this too, in the Cape where you can go in ocean
spray and you can go in-
Of course, and wade, and you can go in.
Of course, and Wade will play with the cranberries.
You can get that, you have boots on,
I did this as a child, and you go in
and you can like pick up cranberries, eat them.
Sure kids pee in there, right?
No, kids don't piss, why are they?
Kids 100% pee in there.
No, they don't piss in the,
what the fuck are you talking about?
They're wearing those big rubber overalls,
and they're filled with piss.
That's, I'm not taking, you can't,
I'm not gonna take you to the cranberry bogs.
It sounds like you're gonna pop your piss in there.
I'm not gonna piss in there.
But aren't cranberries, aren't raw cranberries quite tart?
They are very tart.
They're not like, they're not like fun to eat,
not like blueberries.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
They are, they are, oh god, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
And they're fibrous, as I recall.
They are fibrous.
They have almost a woody center.
Oh, you're gonna shit yourself.
As soon as you eat one, it's a ticking clock-wise.
So you've got to get to the toilet fast.
Oh, yeah, because that'll turn it.
You know what?
Ripper wide open.
Turn it loose.
It will rip your wide open-wise.
You'll get ripped wide open, but if you're peeing as well,
that's going to feel like a million bucks,
because your UTI will be cleared up.
Yes, that's right.
That's a great point. It is good for UTI will be cleared up. Yes, that's right.
That's a great point.
It is good for UTI.
I can drink more cranberry juice.
My mom has a glass of cranberry juice every morning.
That's fun.
Do you ever do like, what's that drink that's got a,
is it called a Cape Cod when you put a little vodka?
A Cape Codder?
Cape Codder, yeah.
Emma knows that.
And then that cranberry.
Oh no.
I'm thinking of something else.
That must be a big, is that a big order in New England?
Yeah, I think it's basically just a vodka cranberry.
Yeah.
But if you order Cape Cotter, that's the same thing.
I think, funny, if you tried to go to a bar like here
and order a Cape Cotter, I'd be curious if they'd be like,
what?
Now you're saying Cape Cotter,
as opposed to Cape Cot.
Well, Cape Cot is the place that Cape Cotter
is the cocktail.
What do you call it?
I always call it Cape Codder.
Yeah.
Oh.
I've only ever understood it to be Cape Cod.
I'll have a Cape Cod.
But Cape Codder.
Maybe that's outside of maybe it's
maybe we call it Cape Codder.
Maybe that's a New England thing.
I don't know.
Cape Codder?
I hardly know her.
Ha ha ha.
This is what Wayne Brady's talking about.
Ha ha ha. I liked it. It was the best thing said on the podcast so far. This is what Wayne Brady's talking about.
I liked it.
It was the best thing said on the podcast so far.
I don't mind when things are true tart.
I like things tart.
I like what?
Oh, I love things tart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what my favorite tart is?
Carl.
I knew you were going to say it.
And you know what?
I liked it.
Thank you.
You know what else?
I agree.
Carl, you're my favorite tart.
Oh wait, I also do like actual tarts, but I like Carl more than,
I do like Carl more than the,
I like Carl more than the little, you know.
You're thinking about it though.
Pretty close.
We love Carl, but-
Your friend or a dessert.
I choose my friend.
That's very noble of you, Mitch.
Wise, we gotta get you down there.
We gotta get you to Cape Cod.
I'm down. I'll go to the Cod.
You gotta go. I've never been, but you gotta go.
I call Dracula a night bitch. Is that too harsh, do you think?
I said speaking of night bitches, Dracula.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah, he's definitely.
He's a bit of a night bitch. Here's my question.
I think Dracula's enough of a night bitch that definitely. He's a bit of a night bitch. Yeah. Here's my question.
I think Dracula's enough of a night bitch
that he'd be like, I am a night bitch.
Yeah, yeah.
Like he'd like link it into it.
Embrace it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a night bitch.
I'm a night bitch, yeah.
What do you think Dracula's Christmas is like?
Great question.
I mean, he definitely does it up with the lights
because he's out and about at night.
Oh, yeah.
He's for sure seeing Santa because he's up.
He's definitely seen Santa.
He's away. Oh my God, if Dracula bit Santa,
this is good shit. That would be terrible.
Mitch, you got a Christmas movie of your own.
This is fucking good as hell.
Yes.
If Dracula bit Santa. If Dracula bit Santa.
And it's called...
Santa Bluh.
Called...
And it's called... and it's called, and it's called Saint Fang. Saint Fang-clis.
Saint Fang-clis, I think Saint Fang-lis. St. Fank-a-lis. I think St. Fank-a-lis works.
Do you?
St. Fank-a-lis, swags.
We're pitching it.
St. Fank-a-lis.
You know there's going to be a lot of action.
He reared back.
That was really scary.
See, you just got to give it back.
Try it on Nick.
No, it's okay. He reared back. That was really scary. See, you just gotta give it back.
Try it on Nick.
No, that's okay.
You try it on me.
I will fucking, I'll try it on you.
Try it on me and see what happens.
I'd like to see you try.
I'll do it at some point.
I bet you will.
I hope you do.
All right, go ahead, move on. I want to ask about breakfast
because this is I hop a breakfast Jane.
Now, are you a breakfast person?
Like, is this like, are you like,
like first off, do you eat breakfast?
Cause I do.
Right, I don't usually.
You don't, you skip breakfast.
I skip it or I'll have a banana.
Okay, sure. Or something.
I'm usually not super hungry.
Yeah.
Is what I experience.
I wake up and I'm starving.
I'm like immediately like so hungry.
Like I need to get food in my body
like within my first hour of waking or I'm just a zombie.
But like I know people that have different metabolism.
You're starving when you wake up.
I'm so hungry when I wake up.
Are you a very active dreamer?
Do you, in your dreams, are you very, are you doing a lot?
Like is your heart, is your heart pitter pattering?
I do have panic attacks in my sleep at times.
Oh.
Yeah, but I often don't remember my dreams.
Like, there are times when I do and I remember having really vivid dreams,
but a lot of times I just time travel the next day.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on.
In your dreams, is it like your dad and your spouse telling you news
and you're playing video games?
My dreams is usually like a teenager is just like,
you know, they're hanging out.
Like, you know, if they, they're someone who likes-
My dreams are usually a teenager.
You can stop me there.
Teenagers like hanging out and then like,
I kind of come into their dream, you know?
Oh my God.
Like scare them a bunch.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's cool.
The jaw. The, yeah, yeah. That is cool. Oh, the jaw.
Fucking jaw.
Ouch.
Oh, rough stuff.
So you don't typically breakfast,
but do you like like a brunchy sort of breakfast?
Oh, yeah.
Do you like like a nice spread,
like some eggs, some bacon, some toast, all that shit?
I do, I do.
I love it, yeah, yeah.
I, you know, I don't want it every day.
Yeah. I say that.
I'm also not too much of an egg person. Oh, interesting. I don't want it every day, I'll say that.
I'm also not too much of an egg person.
Oh, interesting.
Somehow they make me feel so full so fast
that I almost feel sick from them.
Interesting.
And not all eggs, only eggs prepared in certain ways.
Like I love over easy eggs.
Somehow to me that's less egg even though it's,
you could argue it's more egg
because the yolk is raw.
But scrambled eggs.
You're not a scrambled egg person?
Oh, you like them?
Oh, I'll eat them.
But if I had my choice, it would be over easy eggs
because somehow I can have more of that.
One thing I will say about the thing that you,
the nice thing about an over easy egg
is you know someone out there in the kitchen,
especially if you're at a place that's like,
if you're in a hotel restaurant or something,
maybe not a nice hotel,
you know someone has to actually crack an egg.
Yeah.
Because that scrambled egg.
Yes, that's right.
Could be cold.
Exactly, could be cold.
It could be coming from a carton or something.
Yeah.
100%.
So I do like that aspect,
but it just depends on what type of joint you're at.
I'm an eggs Benny man.
I like eggs Benedict.
Yeah, those are fun.
Those are fun.
I usually like, I default to scramble.
They're like an omelet, but I do like eggs a lot.
I have a lot of eggs.
Omelet.
I was gonna point that out too.
Yeah, omelet.
Omelet.
I say omelet.
I say omelet.
Omelet.
Omelet.
Omelet.
Omelet.
So it's two syllables.
Omelet.
I say omelet.
You say omelet. I sometimes say omelet. But I like that because it sounds more French. Omelette. Omelette. So it's two syllables. Omelette. I say omelette.
You say omelette.
I sometimes say omelette.
But I like that because it sounds more French.
Omelette.
You might be right.
I don't know.
Omelette sounds like a name.
Yeah.
Can you name a little girl omelette?
Gorgeous.
That's cute.
That's my daughter, omelette.
Yeah, that is cute.
Omelette.
I had a dog named Omelette once.
That's cute. That's a great name for the dog.
I think the, you know, linguistics is descriptive,
not prescriptive.
So, you know, there's different ways to say things.
They're all valid.
But I don't know.
I sometimes say omelet, sometimes I say omelet.
I think it's natural to throw that in there.
I was gonna say that omelets you can mess,
like a bad omelet is such a bummer to me.
Yeah.
When it's just like a folded, you know, it's just like,
oh, you just folded it, but there's like, it's dry.
There's nothing in the middle.
It's like a dry, it's scrambled eggs, but folded over.
When you get that with an omelet,
like the omelet has to be like,
there's cheese and things inside of it
that were cooked into the omelet.
Here's the key.
You gotta cook that bad boy on a low temp.
Like, then it fluffs up.
And then you cook it on a low temp,
it takes a little longer.
You get that nice, like fluffy texture on it.
You know, you're not gonna burn one side.
You have your pan, throw some clarified butter
or something in there so you can get a good flip
on that some bitch, and then when you flip it over,
yeah, throw whatever the fuck you want in there.
Throw whatever proteins you want in there.
Your car keys.
Your car keys, why not?
Throw your cap.
Rubik's cube, throw that in there.
Car keys are good because then you're like,
go into the omelet and you're like,
oh yeah, I need these for later. Yeah, I need these for later.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then you won't forget them.
Right. You won't forget them. There's like things,
there are things you can put in that will remind you that you need them later.
Yeah, for sure. So you can put it in.
Squeeze in some toothpaste, you know, to brush your teeth afterwards.
That's true. That's so nice. I love that trick.
Real time saver. Infusing toothpaste into your breakfast is always helpful. If you don't want to,
you want to skip the step of.
Exactly.
Can I say something very gross?
Please.
What's that?
I did used to, instead of brush my teeth,
I did used to just swallow toothpaste.
Wow.
And I would swallow toothpaste.
And I remember going to school thinking,
oh, I feel sick.
And then I later realized,
oh, we're not supposed to eat the toothpaste?
For a long time, I thought you brush your teeth,
you eat the toothpaste.
Wait, when you say-
R.F.K.'s head is spinning with all that fluoride.
He's a big listener of the show too.
Yeah, yeah.
He loves the show.
You would, so wait, you mean instead of spitting,
you would swallow or would you just not even
like brush your teeth,
you would just go straight to eating toothpaste?
There were moments in high school
when I was running late for class
and I would just swallow the toothpaste.
Wow.
Just like squeeze some into your mouth and then swallow.
But when I was a kid, I would brush my teeth
and then swallow the toothpaste.
Cause I was like, this mint tea tastes good.
Wow. Pretty gross. And I do have my teeth and then swallow it too. Cause I was like, this minty, it tastes good. Wow.
Pretty gross.
And I, you know, and I do have permanent
stomach ulcers from it.
Oh shit.
No, no, no, I don't, I don't, I don't.
But I could because it's very acidic.
It's like, it's like basically,
I don't know what's in toothpaste, but it's something,
it's something, you know, it can de-scale your pipes
or whatever.
Oh, a hundred percent, yeah.
It's like got real like baking soda or something.
I would sometimes put toothpaste on-
Don't swallow it.
No.
I would sometimes put toothpaste on a pimple.
Do you know this?
Yes, I've done that.
I've done it here.
It's supposed to dry it up.
It dries it out, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like to think of some of our dipshit listeners
hearing this and be like,
they're not supposed to swallow toothpaste, huh?
Sucking on a tube of toothpaste?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, the bubblegum flavored toothpaste,
sometimes you want to swallow that bad boy.
Well, yeah, that's good.
I always did the old fashioned way.
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
Whoosh.
Whoosh.
Why do you keep calling that back?
Because I have to. You have to?
I have to now.
Are you a coffee fan?
Are you a coffee drinker?
I do like coffee.
You gotta have your Java?
Yeah.
I drink coffee every morning.
I do the French press these days.
But how do you take your coffee?
Well, my husband is a former barista.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that either, Matt.
Yeah, I never.
Thank you for your service.
Thank you, Matt.
Thank you for your service. Thank you, Matt. Thank you for your service.
I never drank coffee until I started dating Matt.
And then he makes such a delicious cup of coffee
that it started becoming part of my morning routine.
And yeah, so he makes a, we used to do pour over coffee
every morning, but that's quite a process.
Yeah, it's a bit of an ordeal.
Bit of an ordeal.
But yeah, now we have a tiny little machine
that makes espresso.
How fun is that? Wow.
Do you take it black?
Do you put any cream in there?
I put a little cream in there.
Okay, that's fun.
Do you just do like,
because I've found myself doing more and more like,
I'm just gonna put straight up cream in this.
I was just doing oat milk for a while,
and now I'm just like, I don't know,
I can handle a little bit of dairy.
I know, that's how I feel about it too.
You're an espresso in the morning guy? No, no, no, I do feel about it too. You're an espresso in the morning guy?
No, no, no, I do the French press.
I don't do espresso in the morning.
If I do like, if I need like an afternoon to pick me up
and hey, maybe I'll do it today.
Judging by how this episode is going, I may need it.
I may do a little afternoon espresso.
We'll see.
I was trying to think of a joke.
I couldn't come up with one.
Are you a coffee drinker?
No. Mitch does not drink coffee.
Mitch is, you don't have a lot of caffeine in general.
No, I do Diet Cokes.
I'll do a Diet Coke every day.
I'll do like one, sometimes two Diet Cokes.
Oh yeah, that will give you some caffeine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's...
Do they still make caffeine-free soda?
They do, yes.
I feel like that was the thing in the 90s or something.
They do, but it's harder to find.
Yeah.
But yeah, they do make caffeine-free varietals
of most sodas.
Yeah.
French press for me is,
mm, de, trois.
Was that the joke you spent so long trying to think of?
You took away my, Was that the joke you spent so long trying to think of?
You took away my stunt stuff. I took it away? I didn't want to be hit in the face?
Let's be honest, what most people really want for the holidays is to see their favorite people more often.
That's why this year the best gift you can give, besides plane tickets, is an Aura Digital
Picture Frame.
Named the number one digital photo frame by Wirecutter, Aura frames are incredibly smart
and easy to use, allowing you to upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone
to the frame.
Plus, you can order the frame online and preload it with photos and videos using the Aura app
so it's ready to go right out of the box.
Hey, you know what I like is that guy I got these family members.
They're all over the place.
I mean, mostly in Southern California, but not close enough where we can see them all
the time.
And you want them to know what's going on in your life.
You want to share photos from, you know,
when we're out on tour or we're taking a little vacay
or we're just up to some stuff in the city.
And those are the kind of pics we can put
into the Aura frames we share with our loved ones.
So save on the perfect get by visiting auraframes.com
to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver Mat frames
by using promo code doughboys at checkout.
That's A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code doughboys.
This deal is exclusive to our listeners.
So get yours now in time for the holidays.
Terms and conditions apply.
Wags, I love my beard.
Yeah, I love it too.
You know what I don't love?
Weak razors that can't maintain my mane.
This is the thing. It's the struggle of anyone who has hair they want to
groom or remove. It's always a thing. You're always dealing with inferior
shaving products. You're always dealing with stuff that...
Here's a razor for 50 bucks.
Exactly, or it's overpriced. Well, whether you're going smooth shaving or
maintaining a beard, I've done both.
Dollar Shave Club offers shave and grooming products
that are always high quality, but never overpriced.
Wow.
The Double Header Electric Trimmer, divide and conquer.
Mitch, are you trimming your beards and balls
with the same trimmer?
Yeah, what's wrong with, oh.
Gross. I know.
The Double Header Electric Trimmer
has two interchangeable heads,
one for beard beard one for balls
You can use one for the say for both balls. You need a different one for each. You don't you don't know that's okay
So that's overkill. Yeah, this waterproof battery operated trimmer comes with three different guard lengths
So you can stop being gross you freak. Yeah, and also, you know what?
Wags we got the style detailer precision trimmer for every hairy little detail
Keep rogue facial hairs at bay
with a tool that's whole jobs to pay attention to detail.
With a 360 degree rotary head for nose and ear hair
and a detailer head for brows, sideburns and cheeks
and neckline, weird hairs don't stand a chance
against this multitasking powerhouse.
Wow. Wow.
Multitasking powerhouse.
It's like an operating system.
In addition to their amazing shave products, DSC also offers a whole personal care
line for dudes such as ball spray, butt wipes, and deodorant.
It is like an operating system.
The best part, Dollar Shave Club products are now available everywhere.
So you can order from their website
Amazon or get them at your favorite retailer near you Wow Wow, but don't take our word for it
Try for yourself
You can visit their site right now for 20% off
$20 or more and get your products delivered right to your door visit Dollar Shave Club com
Slash dough boys and use promo code dough boys for 20% off, $20 or more.
Wow.
Wow.
All right, let's talk about the IHOP Indiana Jones menu,
slash Xbox menu, it's a really confusing promotion.
So IHOP is owned, Mitch, and I don't know if you know this,
but owned by the same parent corporation,
Dine Brands Global as last week's. D the same parent corporation, Dine Brands Global, as last week's chain.
Dine Brands Global?
Dine Brands Global.
What did you think it was?
What a weird name for a company.
It's like, oh, okay.
What did you think I said?
Accurate, I guess.
I thought you said Dying Brands Global.
No, Dine.
Dine, like you dine at a restaurant.
Dine Brands Global.
It's the same parent corporation
as last week's chain, Applebee's,
which we do with Nicole Byer. IHOP acquired Applebee's, and then there's same parent corporation as last week's chain, Applebee's, which we do with Nicole Byer.
IHOP acquired Applebee's and then there's a parent
corporation that owns both corporations now, both companies.
Also owns Fuzzy's Taco Shop, which I've never heard of.
It sounds like a made up business, right?
That sounds fake.
Yeah, but I guess it's in Texas.
It does sound kinda gross.
What is Wee Man's, oh, Chronic Tacos.
Chronic Tacos, yeah, I'm not sure if Wee Man
has an affiliation with it anymore, Chronic Tacos. Chronic Tacos, yeah. I'm not sure if Wee Man has an affiliation with it anymore.
Chronic Tacos persists.
So this venue is specifically a tie-in
for the timed exclusive Xbox game, Indiana Jones
and the Great Circle.
You an Indiana Jones fan at all?
Love Indiana Jones, yes.
What's your favorite movie of the series?
It would have to be the first one that I saw as a child,
which was Temple of Doom.
Yeah, yeah.
That was my favorite.
I feel like any of those first three are good candidates,
but I just feel like Raiders of the Lost Ark
is such a perfect film.
But I have a lot of affection for Last Crusade,
because that was the first one I saw in the theater,
and so I just have a very strong association.
Hey, A.I. Jones.
Whip.
It's true.
Not doing any action stuff.
It's a whip there, that's all.
He uses the whip.
The whip, the first man-made invention to break the sound barrier. How about that?
Really?
That's what that sound is.
It's a sonic boom.
That's a sonic boom?
That's amazing.
Because it is always interesting when you see the whip and you actually see it whip
before you hear the sound because of that.
Wow.
Wow.
That's breaking the sound barrier.
Yeah.
That is so cool.
Really cool.
So centuries before Chuck Yeager did it in his plane.
So this is the second IHOP video game themed menu
we've had this calendar year.
I'll just read the copy.
Ready for an epic breakfast adventure
as Xbox gears up for the highly anticipated release
of Indiana Jones and the Great Circle on December 9th,
which will be, I believe, before this episode releases,
we're teaming up with IHOP to serve up a breakfast spread
fit for a legendary adventurer.
And what that breakfast spread is,
is three different kinds of stacked French toast.
Now here's the thing.
I'm fine with these themes being a little orthogonal from whatever the IP is,
but isn't there a more natural connection to Indiana Jones
than stacked French toast?
Like what the, does that have any connection whatsoever?
To adventuring or to exactly, I know.
I thought the same thing when I was looking at that menu.
I was like, why French toast?
Yeah, it's very confusing.
Is he stacked because he stacks the weight on the thing?
Well, see, that could be one way to play it.
Oh, that's interesting.
If they point any effort into that.
We played this game,
because you were saying it was the circle of whatever.
Well, the game is, this is the thing.
The great circle of cinnamon.
This isn't just my observation.
What is circular among breakfast?
Pancakes. Exactly.
International House of Pancakes.
International House of Pancakes,
the game is called Indiana Jones and the Great Circle.
Why are these not pancake themed?
Wouldn't that make a lot more Great Circles of Pancakes?
Wouldn't that make a lot more intuitive sense?
He was yelling about this in the IHOP basically.
I was hopping mad.
I hopping mad. I was I hopping. I was hoppin' mad. I hoppin' mad.
I was I hoppin' mad.
You were I hoppin' mad.
And Three-Dem, we hope you're IHOP-y and healthy.
The Great Circle of Cinnamon is one effort
they make at theming, but that is stacked French toast.
There's also buried treasure with a berry for buried. It's a B-E- Y apostrophe D treasure and then secret cookie butter
that one they put no effort into you know just what I'm gonna say something
stupid you're not even like you won't even let me do it anymore
no go for it I want to know I'm not gonna do it I want to do it I was gonna
ask you know the first sonic boom I heard this is from so long ago it was
Street Fighter Gael from Street. Guile from Street Fighter.
Guile from Street Fighter, which no one knows.
Our guest doesn't know.
Our listeners know.
Guile used to go, Sonic boom.
Sonic boom.
He still does it.
He still does it.
Bitch, you stopped tapping the mic's arm.
You can tap the captions.
It's a rough episode.
I thought that I was.
I thought you were going gonna make a fart joke.
That's good too.
That's good.
Like my dad, yeah, from your dad, you know, dad.
Is the first fart you hear your dad?
It's gotta be.
No, I think the first fart I heard was my own, yeah.
Really?
As a little baby?
What day does this come out?
The 12th.
December 12th. December 12th.
December 12th.
The 12 days of Christmas.
As a little baby.
A baby fart is, baby farts are cute.
It is cute.
Yeah.
Stinky.
They're still stinky.
They can still smell bad.
They can still smell bad.
Only when they started eating solid food.
Yeah, like a little time.
I thought you were struggling earlier in this episode,
now I'm realizing.
You thought I was struggling earlier in the episode?
You were.
What kind of thing is that to say?
You said Hoppy.
To your co-host.
I thought, well, I meant,
it seemed like you were having a problem.
Your jaw wasn't working.
At all wasn't working.
At all.
Your jaw wasn't working.
Wayne Brady Clear threw you off.
He did throw me off.
Now it's turned on me.
This is a mess.
I tried to do the stunts, the stunts backfired. I'm sorry. Oh, ain't bright and clear you threw you off. And then now it's turned on me. This is a mess.
I try to do the stunts, the stunts backfire.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
We'll edit it out.
No, I love it.
Keep it.
Wait, Mary, do you have any,
you're from the South, correct?
Yes.
Do you have any affection for Waffle House?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Is it, now where would you rank Waffle House
versus like an IHOP?
Cause I've only been to Waffle House
when we've been on tour through the South,
but I'm like, I think this is just better.
And I just like what they do a little bit more.
It feels like their execution is really good.
And I also just like how like locked into their,
to what they do they are.
I agree.
And it feels more personal to me.
Yes, right, sure.
A Waffle House experience as opposed to IHOP,
it does feel very corporate. Like it feels like I'maffle House experience as opposed to IHOP, it does feel very corporate.
Like it feels like I'm, okay, this is an IHOP,
it's like this is a Walmart I'm looking into.
As opposed to Waffle House does still feel
like country cooking.
Right, well and also it comes from, that is a-
It's smaller too.
That is a regional Southern chain.
It thankfully has not made the decision
that so many other regional chains have done these days
in the era of franchising to be like,
we're gonna go global.
Now, Dunkin' Donuts, for instance, is now everywhere
where it used to be just kind of like an East Coast thing.
Sad.
But also it's- Sad, it is sad.
It's from the South and IHOP is from Glendale.
Like it was literally the first location-
Wow. Is it?
Or I'm sorry, in Burbank.
The first location is in Burbank.
Oh, I didn't know that.
You know, it's,
I feel like there's,
not that there isn't a breakfast culture out here,
but I would expect them to do it proper down south.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I, that said, I do have a lot of affection to IHOP.
I have affection for IHOP.
I've been to IHOP a number of times.
I did, the theming feels completely half-assed.
Also, you wanted to, you really wanted to try these.
I did really wanna try these.
We should say that.
I should say that our buddies, Matt Singer
and Griffin Newman, who went and tried the whole menu,
were giving me some like, you know,
pre-meal feedback in terms of what to expect here.
So I was not coming in with particularly high expectations.
You and I met up at the Glendale location, Mitch.
We had a nice little lovely lunch together yesterday.
I had a little consultation with my neurologist
right before I came up there to meet you.
Did you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brain's looking good.
Should I be consulting?
Are you sure?
Neurologist.
Is that something you do?
Is this like a yearly, annual thing?
No, I had an issue.
I've had some issues.
Yeah.
I see, I see. So, you went in there, I had some, I've had some issues. Yeah. So, um, uh, you, you went in, you went in there to, he's like, he's like,
Oh, and take it your brain. Let me power up the microscope.
Well, I got this thing running. Let me take a look at your hog.
Yeah. Yeah. Small brain, small day.
Your hog. That's what the doctor called it.
The doctor says, let me look at your hog. Thank you. Thank you called it. Yeah, the doctor says, let me look at your hog.
That's what they say, you know.
Good point.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mary.
I came in there, ran a little long, but I came over there.
You were sitting in there.
You had a nice little cup of coffee there.
I love, this is the thing.
I continue to love this about IHOP, the carafe of hot coffee.
They bring you the little mug that you can refill on your own at your leisure and stays piping hot.
I love that.
And it was a little late in the day for caffeine for me,
but I was still like, I gotta do that hot coffee,
especially when I'm having breakfast.
Sure.
The Xbox menu you thought was online,
but we could order in store,
but it was, I would say, embarrassing
bringing it up to our server.
Yes, so we brought it up to our server,
we were like, hey, do you have,
because they had the little,
they had the signage on the table and they had a QR code you could sign to open up the
IHOP app rather to bring up the Xbox menu.
But there was not like any sort of insert.
And so I was like, hey, do you have that menu in store?
And she was like, yeah, one second.
And she went and got the insert and brought it over, which made me think either,
it could be both, but either it's not selling well,
and so they don't feel the need to distribute these menus
by default, at least at this location,
or it's a huge pain in the ass for the kitchen
to make the stacked French toast,
so they were like, we don't want to volunteer it
unless a couple of fat fucks get in here and demand it.
So that's-
Which we did.
Which we did.
We also were asking, there was a big wheel in there
that you could spin a wheel. Oh God, yeah, this was. We also were asking, there was a big wheel in there
that you could spin a wheel.
Oh God, yeah, this was.
And we were like, what's the wheel mean?
We were like, we were so annoying to them
at the end of the meal.
We were honestly, we were more off yesterday.
We were more off yesterday.
Yesterday's IHOP lunch was a debauch.
It wasn't, we were more off yesterday.
Which is hard to imagine.
They were like, get the fuck out of here.
They wanted us gone.
They really did not like us.
Cause we were asking. Yeah, they had some basically a prize wheel which is hard to imagine. They were like, get the fuck out of here. They wanted us gone. They really did not like us.
Because we were asking.
Yeah, they had basically a prize wheel,
and on the wheel it had things like,
you know, like a free soft drink,
or, you know, 50% off your check,
or, you know, buy one, get one free,
a pancake, whatever the fuck it was.
It had just like a bunch of different things
that you could win, and it was just up there,
we were like, hey, what's going on with the prize wheel?
And I was like, the one was like, I don't know.
That was here when I got here.
I just work here.
And then she, I mean, the same thing with you
with any Xbox questions you had,
you asked her about the glasses.
You have the Fusion Frenzy glasses in store?
And she was like, no.
No, we don't.
They have a bunch of limited edition glasses
with Xbox games on them.
So no, you cannot get the Master Chief glasses.
Glasses or glasses?
Like a drinking glass.
A drinking glass, yeah.
She was not having it.
They weren't having it.
They had other stuff going on.
So you have to order them from like iPop online?
Yeah, you have to order them online.
That feels weird.
Yeah, that's a bummer.
It would be nicer if it was available in stores.
Sure, because you have a souvenir for having your staff.
Exactly, and hey, maybe if you take some kids there,
you'd be like, hey, you want your buddy, the Master Chief
from the Halo franchise?
You want to get a glass with his face on it?
And you can bring that home for him.
But no, unfortunately, it was not to be.
But we did get all the French toast.
So the stacked French toast we got
with the Great Circle of Cinnamon.
I'm going to read all the copy here.
And then, Mary, I want to get your thoughts as well,
because you also had this on your own.
The great circle of cinnamon.
This treasure trove is layered with rich cinnamon spread and drizzled with a sweet cream cheese
icing that will make you feel like you've uncovered an ancient culinary secret.
Buried treasure, B-E-R-R-Y apostrophe D treasure, gemstones of juicy glazed blackberries, raspberries
and blueberries,
and a drizzle of rich cream cheese icing.
You can't help, but want to take a
bite of this buried treasure.
Secret cookie butter.
Creamy cookie butter and vanilla
sauces topped with a dusting of cookie crumbles.
Reminiscent of long lost treasures
found in far away lands.
Mmm.
Um, I, Here's the thing.
Did your jaw just pop?
It did, yeah.
Ooh.
I had pretty low expectations for this.
I was kind of primed to dislike this.
This Glendale, we wanted to go to this Glendale IHOP,
Mitch, to control the experience
because this Glendale IHOP is on point.
They always have great service there.
Like, and they always execute everything well.
Do you disagree?
I think that that's a really good IHOP.
You know my Glendale test.
Yeah.
Every fast food restaurant is better in Glendale.
Really?
It is.
Drive into Glendale, get yourself,
you're gonna do great.
Or it works with Burbank a lot too.
Wow.
Okay, that's good to know.
And this IHOP is always, it's never let us down.
San Gabriel Valley has some good chain restaurant locations.
Unless the food is like, we've had like bad stuff
that like would never be good.
But that's the whole thing.
We controlled for the experience of like,
we went to one that's going to execute these items
as they're supposed to be.
And you know what?
I think they were all presented.
And you know what?
Execute they did.
I liked them all. All right. I liked Execute they did. I liked them all.
All right.
I liked all three of these.
We liked every one.
There were ones that we liked.
The cinnamon one I tried at first, I was like,
that's pretty good.
And then it was maybe my least favorite one.
The cinnamon one is akin to a Cinnabon.
I'm not sure, I don't know which one you got.
I didn't try the cinnamon one.
The cinnamon one is akin to a Cinnabon,
very strong cinnamon flavor.
I think the issue with all three of them is,
so there's two pieces of thick French toast.
I mean, five inches thick.
Yeah, like huge.
Huge.
Huge.
Huge.
Doc in his microscope, that's five inches is huge.
Five inches is huge.
And then they've got like,
they're super thick French toast,
and then there's like a layer of the,
there's the cream cheese icing in between them,
kind of sandwich, but all the shit,
like the toppings are just on top of the top one.
So I think what happens is,
if you eat the whole thing in totality,
ends up as being kind of a dry guy.
And I kind of had better bites when I just focused
on the top piece of bread and discarded the bottom one.
It's so interesting because I received mine
as a to-go order.
And so I did not experience the presentation,
the plating that I think I would in house.
So I sort of, and there were no instructions.
I just got two slabs of French toast
stacked on top of each other,
totally just plain French toast,
a side of the berry sauce,
a side of the cream cheese frosting,
and a side of a thicker substance
that I think is another kind of frosting that goes on top.
But there was no instructions of like,
put this in the middle, put this,
you know, you kind of dip and go, which is what I did.
Yeah. Yeah, you need a little bit of dip and go, which is what I did.
Yeah.
Yeah, you need a little bit of, they need an insert or something.
You gotta tell me how to experience it.
There's too much going on there.
Yeah.
That's a bummer because it was all constructed for us, wild in a way, and like Wiggs was
saying, the second one was a dry guy.
Yeah, but I think really well-plated though.
I think that they really got the presentation on point there.
You know what?
Look, there's the cinnamon challenge, you know,
where you put cinnamon in your mouth or some shit.
Oh, yeah, and you try to say the alphabet.
Is that what it is?
I don't know.
There was no challenge taking down that cinnamon
French toast, though, because it was delicious.
Isn't it that you'll hallucinate?
With cinnamon?
Yeah.
I think it's nutmeg.
You can't eat it.
Oh, it's nutmeg.
You can't swallow it. It's too dry. I think you can't eat it. Oh, it's nutmeg. You can't swallow it.
It's too dry.
I think you'll choke on it.
Oh, if that you'll choke.
And then when you're choking, you'll hallucinate.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah.
Because you're dying.
Yes, you're dying.
Yeah, people would put it in their mouth
and then it would just like puff out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think nutmeg is a psychoactive substance
if you have enough of it.
That's it.
But it has really bad side effects.
So people don't actually.
Nutmeg?
Yeah.
Like if you have a bunch of it,
you have like a huge quantity of nutmeg
and like fuck up your brain, but also fuck up your body.
As is my understanding, I've never done it myself.
We used to drink Tussin back in the day.
That's just cough syrup.
We used to drink Tussin.
That is, it is, it's, I mean,
it's a part of what lean is, I believe.
All right, lean.
Lean?
You know what lean is? I've heard of lean, yeah. What is that? Lean is, I believe, all right, lean. Lean? You know what lean is?
I've heard of lean, yeah.
What is that?
Yeah, lean is like, it's the cough syrup
you get prescribed to you.
And then you mix with a drink, right?
It's codeine. Coding.
Oh, codeine, okay, yeah.
But whatever-
I usually like grape soda.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a soda.
Fun combo?
We would drink Robitussin, you'd RoboTrip.
You never did that when you were younger? No.
Yeah.
I mean, it makes sense that I can go to the neurologist now
when I drank Robitussin for fun.
RoboTrip, sounds like a Robocop trying to get downstairs.
Okay, so the-
Trying to get downstairs?
Yeah.
So I think the, the Berry Treasure, like,
I think each of these was a little bit better.
I kind of had them in sequence.
The buried treasure, I really enjoyed.
I liked that we got a bunch of berries.
Like we just really went for it.
You know, like blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries.
Yeah, it was good.
Just like the description says.
I was having the same thing.
I was like, I can't help but want to take a bite
of this buried treasure.
The secret cookie butter, name aside,
the cookie crumbles gave it a really nice texture.
We liked it.
I really liked it.
And I think that the cookie butter,
which I'm not the biggest cookie butter guy,
but in this context, in it being like,
hey, here's an indulgence.
This is like breakfast for, I'm sorry,
this is dessert for breakfast rather.
I was like, I think this is absolutely working.
I thought that was my favorite of the three.
I found that the cookie butter was less cookie-like
and more graham crackery.
Interesting, yes.
It tasted like a Teddy graham.
So the cookie butter is also presented in the context
of the long lost cookie butter milkshake.
This cold and creamy milkshake is the perfect blend
of cookie butter, cookie pieces, and rich vanilla ice cream that feels like you've uncovered
A forgotten treasure all of these all of these all of these dishes
It's not so much what the dish itself is. Yeah, it's that it makes you feel
Like you found treasure. It's not
Buried treasure which is like the gemstones of of raspberries and you know, everything else is like,
it's gonna, it's not that, but it's gonna make you feel
like you're close to that.
Yeah.
I kind of feel like I discovered treasure.
Yeah, exactly.
Didn't actually do it, but.
I kind of feel, I kind of did feel that way.
I kind of felt that way too.
Yeah.
I liked that cookie butter one,
that was my favorite of the bunch.
And then-
Of the stacked French toast.
Yes.
Again, none of this has any connection to Neanna Jones
that we could possibly piece together.
Except for that he eats that every day for breakfast.
For sure.
Can you imagine Harrison Ford eating one of these things?
I was going to ask if he's a part of this promotion at all,
but of course he isn't.
Can't imagine.
Can't imagine.
Can't imagine any idea.
Whips it right into his mouth.
Pshh.
Broke the flavor barrier with that one.
So here's what happened.
We ordered the long lost cookie butter milkshake in store.
Yes, and we didn't get it.
We got the wrong shake.
We were brought-
Shame on you, high hop Glendale.
We were brought the caramel apple butter shake.
We later pieced together, that's what it was.
Cause we were drinking it and we're like,
this is pretty good.
And they were like, it kind of tastes like apples.
And then we were looking at the picture of it
and we're looking at the picture of what was on the menu.
We're like, this doesn't look the same.
Cause it had like kind of a caramel drizzle on it.
And I'm sure like our server was like looking at us,
like being like,
and was like, oh God,
it's like figuring out that this might not be,
it was, and we were too embarrassed to ask.
We were too embarrassed to ask for a new one.
But I was happy that we got it, we got the shake today.
Yes, we got it to go today to try,
as well as the Explorers caramel,
apple butter, hot chocolate, rich hot cocoa infused the flavors of caramel Yes, we got it to go today to try, as well as the Explorers Caramel Apple Butter Hot Chocolate.
Rich hot cocoa infused the flavors of caramel
and apple butter, creating a cozy drink
that will make you feel like you're by the campfire
after a day of thrilling adventures.
What the fuck?
That's what it says.
We had two very different reactions to that.
It was just too much.
Makes you feel like you're at the campfire?
What?
Anyway, I liked it, but Mary, I saw you take a lot of coffee. Makes you feel like you're at the campfire, what?
Anyway, I liked it, but Mary, I saw you take a sip of this and I saw your reaction change completely.
To the shake?
Yes, the shake.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it looked like you were unhappy with it, is my guess,
but then you said that it reminded you of something.
Was it the Teddy Grahams?
It was the Teddy Grahams.
It wasn't so much I was unhappy with it.
As much as like, it tasted more,
it didn't taste like a shake to me, like a milkshake.
It tasted like Teddy Graham milk,
is what it felt like, the cold, thick Teddy Graham milk.
I also got the cereal milk flavor from it.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, sure, for sure.
But I still, we both did like it.
You liked it, yeah, yeah, yeah. We both did like it. I liked it a lot. Yeah, sure, for sure. But I still, we both did like it. You liked it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We both did like it.
I liked it a lot.
Look, here's the thing.
You give me a little bit of crunch and a texture,
that sort of texture in the context of a shake,
or in the context of anything that's kind of soft
and either creamy or soft and chewy,
like the stacked French toast,
you give me a little bit of crunch there.
I'm like, that's great
because that's livening up the experience
of each individual bite,
of each individual forkful or spoonful.
So that goes a long way for me.
Just that textural difference.
Exactly.
But also I just like the flavor of cookie butter
and these felt, again, very much like indulgences,
which is kind of what I wanted from this experience.
And I have a question.
Is your cookie butter, as you have experienced,
have you experienced cookie butter in other places?
Yeah, in the wild, yeah.
That's the only butter he uses.
But is this, is that like, is what you had at IHOP,
is that like, yep, that's cookie butter,
or is that IHOP's version of cookie butter?
It felt like kind of just whatever cookie butter they got from Cisco. It felt like like just like a standard food's cookie butter. Or is that IHOP's version of cookie butter? It felt like kind of just whatever cookie butter
they got from Cisco.
It felt like just like a standard food service
cookie butter.
The Singer?
What's that?
The Singer?
Yeah, The Singer.
He supplies most chain restaurants.
SYSO.
Yeah, that name I saw in the high school cafeteria.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the kind of the-
Most industrial kitchens are supplied by Cisco
or a similar company.
I love Cisco. It's one of or a similar company. I love Cisco.
It's one of my favorite food suppliers.
I love it.
Yeah, they're great.
They're great.
Dependable, you know what you're getting.
It felt like the cookie butter you might get from,
like a, like, you know,
you might get from like a Trader Joe's.
It felt like it, like,
just a normal standard cookie butter.
I don't know if it's a distinct blend that they do in-house.
I would imagine they're getting it from a supplier.
I can't imagine them, they're actually making it on their own.
I also got the ultimate breakfast combo-wise,
which is my way. I got scrambled eggs with some American cheese on it.
I was hungover.
Yeah.
Do you like American cheese?
I do like American cheese on my eggs.
It was nice, cheesy, eggy.
Yeah, I love that.
For my hangover. I had some shots.
I bought Jason Kelsey a shot of tequila.
Did you?
Yeah.
How fun!
And me and Corinne and like everyone
who was there afterwards.
Oh, that's so fun.
And then I bought him a second one,
and he went, Jesus Christ, Mitch.
So I alienated myself pretty quickly.
And you're like, want to see some stunts?
Ha ha.
Ha ha. Ha ha. I want to see some stunts? Ha ha.
Ha ha.
I did not do any stunts.
I didn't do any stunts, but he would have loved them if I did.
And then I only had a couple.
I didn't drink that much, but I was an empty stomach.
Yeah, that'll do it.
That'll do it.
That'll do it more than quantity.
100%.
I just felt horrible the next morning.
And I had a Coca-Cola, a Coke heavy, as we say.
I also got a breakfast combo,
because I was eating this, I was like,
we're eating all carbs and sugar.
I need some protein to-
You get turkey sausage.
I got turkey, so I got the combo,
I got scrambled eggs and four turkey sausage, I got turkey, so I got like the, I got the combo, I got scrambled eggs and yeah, four turkey sausage.
And it's not bad.
I got bacon and sausage, that's all I did.
And this is part of the menu too?
This is also, well no, this is just like a-
Just their standard, yeah.
But I will just say like-
We just did this on our own.
I'd say-
And it comes with hash browns, and we ate the whole thing.
The hash browns were not great.
They like didn't have the right-
Yeah, the hash browns, there was something wrong,
something off. They tasted freezer-brewed. I feel like they weren didn't have the right- Yeah, the hash browns, there was something wrong, something off.
They tasted freezer-brewing.
I feel like they weren't cooked at the right temperature.
They didn't have a good fry on them.
But everything else, I feel like they always
are executing that competently.
And again, I'll just fucking Peter North Cholula
all over my scrambled eggs.
So as long as they're edible, it'll be fine.
Yeah, I'm covering up the flavor.
But I think your eggs were all right.
Your bacon was all right.
All of it was good, except for the hash browns.
Yeah, hash browns weren't really working.
It was all great.
I had a great time.
Everything we tasted, the shake was not the right shake.
It was like you said, it was that apple whatever shake.
Right. And I didn't like that as much as the cookie butter
shake that we had today.
But everything was good.
Secret stash browns.
That's really good.
That's what they could have fucking done.
That's what they could have done.
Well here's what I mean, like look,
if we're gonna be pitching on this.
It would be a Jay and Silent Bob.
There you go.
Yeah.
The secret, Jay and Silent Bob have a secret stash.
So it might have to be a Jay and Silent Bob. They might have shipped it from Indiana Jones to Jay and Secret, Jay and Silent Bob. Yeah, the secret James Allen Bob have a secret stash, so it might have to be a J.
And silent Bob.
They might have shifted from Indiana Jones to J.
And secret J.
And silent Bob.
Indiana Jones meets J.
And silent Bob.
Sounds pretty good.
How about.
Well, we already had the crossover event that we talked about over on a Patreon feed.
Indiana Jones meets Matlock.
Everyone's buzzing about that.
We can't get enough about the Indiana Jones meets Batlock crossover image.
Man, bad week for me.
You're doing great.
Bad week for me.
You're doing great.
You're doing great.
My pitch was going to be, this feels like we already
got a shake.
We know he doesn't like snakes.
Shakes. It had to be shakes. That's good. Right? This feels like we already got a shake. We know he doesn't like snakes.
Shakes, it had to be shakes.
That's good.
Right?
That feels like a pretty-
Or shakes, I love shakes.
I love shakes instead of I hate snakes.
That's so smart.
Yeah, something like that, I don't know.
Shakes, it had to be shakes.
That's tough because it sounds like these shakes suck.
And like, shakes, I hate shakes.
That doesn't work because-
So maybe it's like, I hate snakes, but I love shakes.
Maybe it's just that overt.
Callie, ma, scramble.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
Ma's in parentheses.
Look, there's a lot of ways you could have played it.
And I feel like they kind of went with their first ideas here.
We should talk about the caramel apple butter hot chocolate,
which again, via Singer and Newman,
I was expecting this to be putrid.
I heard this was really bad.
Singer, Newman, you gave us some fucking false info, my man.
I think this is the thing.
I think this is the thing.
I think this is the Glendale difference.
Yes, they went to a bad eye-hop.
They went to a bad eye-hop.
The Glendale difference, I love that.
We went to one that is, that they executed everything
the way it was supposed to be
as designated by the corporate kitchen.
And what I ended up with here,
although this is room temp now, I'm gonna take a swig.
Ew.
That ain't bad at all.
No?
Why were you disgusted by that?
Because you had it when it was warm,
why are you doing room temp?
But I just wanted to show.
Showing the audience.
You're gonna lock your jaw.
What do you want from me?
You're gonna lock your jaw.
I'm gonna lock my jaw from taking a sip of hot cocoa
as room temp. It could happen.
Boys, boys.
What I appreciate about this is the caramel apple flavor
was subtle.
It's very subtle.
But I wonder if we had gotten that in store
because the whipped cream had infused.
That might be part of it.
It might have muted it a little bit, yeah.
Yes, it might have muted it.
I don't know if you need the apple flavor at all.
Just give us a hot chocolate.
I agree, that's the sort of thing.
Regular hot chocolate, it would have preferred.
But again, I think because it was subtle,
because we didn't get a lot of it,
it wasn't overwhelming, it actually integrated pretty nicely.
I feel like a hot cider would make more sense.
Yes. That would make more sense.
An apple and chocolate feels weird, but apple and cider.
Yeah, it's a little incongruous, you're right.
But still, there was nothing that I disliked.
There were things I liked more than others,, there was nothing that I disliked. There were things I liked more than others,
but there was nothing that I disliked
from the IHOP, Xbox, Indiana Jones menu.
Yeah, I agree.
I agree, I thought it was great.
Should we get to some Fork scores?
I would love to get to some Fork scores.
You just kinda wanna get out of here.
I wanna get out of here.
It's like a big old nap after I'm done here.
We got a double to do.
We're going to be fine.
Oh boy.
Jimmy, sit right there.
Don't make a peep.
Cause I'm going to tell everyone about Uncommon Goods.
Spark something uncommon this holiday
with just the right gift from Uncommon Goods.
The busy holiday season is here and Uncommon Good goods makes it less stressful with incredible hand-picked gifts for everyone
on your list all in one spot. Gifts that spark joy, wonder, delight, and give that it's exactly
what I wanted feeling. Somehow they know exactly the perfect gift for every single person you know.
Here's a few of the favorite gifts that I found on the site. Look, you know me, I'm a bit of a heat
seeker. They have a 12 days of hot sauce advent calendar. How
fun is that? That little chocolate, you got yourself a
hot sauce. They also got a homemade limoncello kit. That's
a lot of fun. Custom embroidered clothing and hats and hey, our
producer Emma like this, a tote bag with a yoga mat strap.
When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses.
Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches.
So shop now before they sell out this holiday season.
Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique and often handmade or
made in the US.
They have the most meaningful out of the ordinary gifts anywhere. They even have gifts you can
personalize. From holiday host and hostess gifts to the coolest finds for
kids to hits for everyone from book lovers to diehard sports fans, Uncommon
Goods has something for everyone. Not the same old selections you could find just
anywhere. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back one
dollar to a non-profit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3 million to date.
Wow.
To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com slash doughboys.
That's uncommongoods.com slash doughboys for 15% off.
Don't miss out on this limited time offer.
Uncommon Goods, we're all out of the ordinary.
Mitch, managing finances can feel complicated and time consuming, right?
But it doesn't have to be.
Rocket Money simplifies everything, making it so easy to see exactly what's happening
with your finances, track your spending, and give you full control of all of it right from
your phone.
Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,
monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
See all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going.
For any you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them with a few taps.
Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts.
Easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track.
See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going. Wow! Get alerts if
bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to
going over budget. The new goals feature automatically saves money for you
without you having to think about it. Whether your goal is to pay off credit
card debt, put away money for a house, or just build your savings, Rocket Money
makes it easy. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you, sometimes by up to 20%.
Wow.
They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save.
Then you can ask them to negotiate for you.
They'll deal with customer service themselves.
Wow.
Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled
subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using
all of the app's features.
Stop wasting money on things you don't use.
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions
by going to rocketmoney.com slash doughboys.
That's rocketmoney.com slash doughboys.
Rocketmoney.com slash doughboys.
Mary, so you've done the podcast, you know this works,
we'll each go around and give our closing argument, if you will, our final statement on this particular chain
and end that by giving it a score from zero to five forks.
You are our guest seated to my left, your thoughts,
your fork score on the IHOP Xbox Indiana Jones menu.
Yeah, so this is specifically for this menu,
not for IHOP in general. You haven't reviewed, Mitch and I have reviewed IHOP a bunch Jones menu. Yeah, so this is specifically for this menu, not for IHOP in general.
You haven't reviewed,
Mitch and I have reviewed IHOP a bunch,
we've talked a bunch,
but since you've never talked about IHOP on the podcast,
if you wanna give an overall IHOP score, feel free.
No, I'll stick to this menu,
because I'm not as familiar with the general IHOP menu.
What would be your Waffle House score as a baseline?
I would say my Waffle House score would be
three and a half.
Wow, very good score.
Yeah, it's really good.
It's pretty good.
Walthouse is a four forker for me.
I went five forks.
I think I maybe went five forks too.
Did you for Walthouse?
I did, yeah.
I mean, this is the other thing as far as like
my expectations, when your expectations are met or exceeded,
that to me is I'm always getting given extra forks there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And yeah, I thought that the place absolutely executed.
Yeah.
So for this menu for me, you know, what I had was very good.
My critique is more about how the restaurant incorporated this theme, what they sort of
left out, because I do feel like they went so heavy in the sugar dessert direction
that I felt kind of shortchanged.
I would have been really excited to see what, like,
what is an Indiana Jones power protein breakfast look like?
Right.
You know?
Molten egg or, you know?
Exactly.
Yes.
Boulder of, um, freaking... Oh, a boulder. Exactly, yes. Boulder of freaking.
Oh, I'm on.
Boulder.
Sausage.
Sausage, yeah.
Sausage boulder.
Just like a big ball of sausage.
Sounds so freaking good.
But.
How big are we talking here, like this?
Well, and how it's presented
is it's rolled out of the kitchen.
Yeah, it's rolled to your table.
On the floor?
Rolled on, yeah, on the floor.
And you gotta jump out of its way.
Oh, my god.
And then you can eat it.
I mean, I would love this.
Yeah, it's really fun.
It's an honor.
Showmanship.
But yeah, so I sort of feel like, of what I tasted,
it was very good.
It was very delicious.
But I also feel like getting it to go,
needing to piece it together myself,
needing to kind of, the French toast,
I do just want to say, was so thick.
And however they do it,
the egg really soaks through the entire piece of bread,
which is interesting.
It's so fluffy.
So the French toast, I was impressed by.
But I would say,
I would give it a two and a half.
Two and a half.
Wow.
Fair.
Yeah.
Right in the middle of the bell curve.
Yeah.
Mitch, what do you think?
I love Indiana Jones.
He's one of our great explorers.
How do you rank the movies?
Uh.
He's one of our great explorers.
Met Archimedes.
You know, he's not real.
What is that?
What are you saying?
He's not real.
Are you talking about, who you're talking about here?
Indiana Jones or Santa Claus?
Why would I talk about Santa Claus?
That's close to my holidays.
But I didn't know that he mentioned him.
We were just talking about Indiana Jones.
This changes my whole review.
Indiana Jones isn't real.
Oh my God.
Archimedes is real?
That's a historical figure. Thank God. The guy he meets in Indiana Jones isn't real. Oh my God. Archimedes is real? That's a historical figure.
Thank God.
The guy he meets in Indiana Jones 5?
The guy he meets at the end of 5, yeah.
Thank God Archimedes is real.
So there's a chance that Indiana Jones is real then.
Yeah.
All right, okay, all right, thank you.
Speaking of the Archimedes one, that's the worst one,
the latest one, is my lowest Indiana Jones.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm, sure.
I mean, is Temple of Doom just, is that my favorite?
Oh wait, I mean, sorry, Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Is Raiders of the Lost Ark my favorite?
It's pretty great.
Temple I love too, I know that people-
I love Temple because it has a Hollywood element. That is true, that is very fun. Temple I love too. I know that people- But I love Temple because it has a Hollywood element.
That is true. That is very fun.
Which I appreciate it.
I like all three Indiana,
all three of the main Indiana Jones movies.
If that trilogy stops there, great trilogy.
I maybe would just go in order.
And I know a lot of people like three.
In reverse order, you go down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
From a five up to one, one is your favorite.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
I think the only thing, the only change I'd make is I'd swap three and two.
I do like two, but I have a lot of affection for three.
I have a lot of affection for two too,
because that was an early one that I saw too.
Yes, that was the first one I saw, yeah.
Yeah, I think I saw Raiders first, but then,
but I like all of them.
Yeah, I go five, four, two, three, one.
Five is your, five, you go five?
Five is your favorite.
No, one is my favorite.
I go one.
Why did you say I go five, four, three, two, one?
I meant from the bottom up.
Okay. Like counting up to the top.
Oh, that's bizarre.
I go one, three, two, four, five.
Okay, yeah, that's good.
One, three, two, four, five.
Crystal Skull is better than the latest one, I think.
Yeah, I agree. Which is four, five. Crystal Skull is better than the latest one, I think.
I agree.
Which is, when I saw Crystal Skull, I was like,
this is bad, but now in hindsight, not as bad.
Wish this was Crystal Skull.
I know, yeah.
The latest one stunk.
Means that we gotta, there's gotta be a six now
that makes- Two trilogies.
Yeah, that makes two trilogies
and then makes five look like four.
You know, maybe we should just stop.
I think that's the move.
I think just keep coming up with one that's so bad.
Stop the podcast?
That's so bad that the previous entry
looks like the one before that.
Mary's right, we should just stop the podcast.
That and it's tracked right now.
Just, it's done.
Unplug the cameras, lose this footage.
We'll pay you for your great work.
Maybe we'll do an edit where it's just you talking
the whole time.
Just you and Wayne Brady.
It's our biggest episode.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Why was Wayne Brady dressed like a minion?
They wouldn't know because we never talk about it.
Yeah, yeah.
I love Anita Jones.
This theme was bizarre and confusing.
It's an Xbox themed menu of Indiana Jones.
We didn't really talk about this enough
because it's a tie in with the video game.
Right.
But they also generalized it to touch
on a bunch of different Xbox properties,
but not in the menu itself, just more in like kind of like the theming.
It's really confusing.
It's like the celebration of the anniversary of the Xbox,
but also a celebration of the new Indiana Jones game.
And it feels like the whole thing of like
a camel is a horse designed by committee.
It just like, like there were like whoever held the rights
to all these properties were all like,
well, we got to have this as well.
We got to have this as well.
Yes, it got Frankenstein.
And I love Frankenstein.
He's one of the greats.
You're gonna tell me he's not real too?
I mean, you're always going around saying fire bad.
Yeah, we agree on a lot of things.
You see eye to eye with Frankenstein.
We see eye to eye.
Frankenstein's monster, I should say.
If I see a little girl, I'm throwing her in the lake.
That's the way it goes for me.
Jesus Christ, man.
That's what Frankenstein does.
I fall on Frankenstein's footsteps.
Whenever you see a little girl, you throw her in the lake.
I make sure she's OK, but she's going in the lake.
It's a stunt.
It's fine.
I don't trust his guts.
He doesn't know what he's doing.
Well, here's a stunt for you.
Four forks.
Wow.
Four forks.
Yeah. Because I liked the meal.
When it comes down to it, it's about the food.
This show is about the food when it comes down to it.
This show is about the food when it comes down to it.
I liked the food.
The food was good.
And you know what?
The theming was confusing, but I liked the bites.
I can't deny that I liked the bites, why?
Yeah, look, I can't deny that I liked the bites. I can't deny that I liked the bites, Wipes. Yeah, look, I can't deny that I liked the bites.
I do wanna say,
the kind of the thesis we've established in this podcast
when we're reviewing something is,
does this succeed at what it's trying to do?
And I feel like what this is trying to do is,
be a novelty menu, be like a limited time thing.
And if this is maybe called,
IHOP's new stacked French toast in a vacuum,
then we don't have to worry about the Indiana Jones layer.
We don't have to be the Xbox layer.
We don't have that little bit of incongruity,
that cognitive dissonance,
trying to figure out what the fuck is going on,
how this maps on to what we know about Indiana Jones
and what we know about the Xbox game consoles.
But it does exist.
That is a connection that they've explicitly linked.
You reminded me of the M&Ms when you said that.
You remind me of the yellow M&M when I look at you.
Yeah.
Just because I have a similar body type to the yellow M&M,
they do exist.
You reminded me of that.
That's all I was saying.
Go on.
You remind me of the babe. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Probably gonna happen soon. When are they coming out with Labyrinth colon Forgotten Legacy?
Yes.
Oh man, this sucks.
Oh boy.
First Labyrinth was good, and then you have some people
be like, it's good, I really like it.
Labyrinth two, too fast, too furious.
You only don't like Labyrinth two, too fast, too furious
because it has a woman in it.
And they'll say, what, no, I didn't know.
No, that's not why.
No, that's not why.
And also, Labyrinth won that woman in it.
Labyrinth also had a woman in it.
In fact, she was the storm.
And you look at me, and I'm like, mm.
Mm.
Wait, you don't like Labyrinth, too,
because that's a woman?
Mm.
Uh, Jennifer Conley.
That's right.
And it will be like, the David Bowie role
will be like, the Rock. And this is not going to be as fun. You know that that's what it will be like the David Bowie role will be like the rock.
This is not going to be as fun.
You know that that's what it would be.
It would be the rock for God sakes.
Oh, you know, it would be fun.
Jack Black.
I know he's in it.
Jackson everything, but I love Jack.
Oh my gosh.
He is.
He's great.
He would be good.
He would be good if I'm casting that.
He would be great.
If we're wish casting this labyrinth sequel that we've already established is not going to be good,
Jack Black would be great.
He'd be great in it.
He'd be great.
Anyway, I don't think this,
as far going back to what I was saying,
does this achieve what it's trying to do?
I don't think it achieves any sort of unity
between IHOP and Indiana Jones and Xbox.
I think it's a convoluted mess,
but I can't deny the bites.
The bites tasted good. I can't go a convoluted mess. But I can't deny the bites.
The bites tasted good.
I can't go a full four of forks
because I just don't think it succeeds at its own premise.
But I do think the stacked French toast
and the milkshake in particular are yummy enough
where I'm going to go three and a half forks.
Wow.
Deliver that with a little more flair, your three and a half forks. Wow. Deliver that with a little more flair,
your three and a half forks.
Where I'm going to go three and a half forks.
Wow.
Nick, that was so cool.
I loved that.
That was really cool.
That was cool.
It was cool as hell. You liked the food. It was a four forker on the food. I was cool as hell.
You liked the food. It was a four-four for the food.
I did like the food.
But that's not the only thing we're doing here.
Yes, no, and if I were only doing the food,
I would definitely bump mine up.
The theme is a mess.
The theme is a mess.
But hey, God bless Xbox.
God bless Xbox.
And God bless Indiana Jones And God bless Indiana Jones.
God bless Indiana Jones.
He's the man.
Three and a half forks for the IHOP Xbox Indie Menu.
Hey, let's keep the seasonal food content going
with Snack or Wack, Cream or Scream Edition.
And hey, this is themed to the Christmas movie,
Red One, Salt and Straw Red One Collab. Wow. New Salt and Straw flavors This is themed to the Christmas movie red one salt and straw red one collab Wow
Salt and straw flavors specific to the hit Christmas now be red one
Which we reviewed over in patreon we reviewed and to let you know it sucked
We did not care for it, but will this will be so
We're fans of
Very good review. Oh, they do great work.
When we did it, when we gave it a fork score.
So, okay, let's talk through these real quick.
Amelia's walking us over, thank you so much.
So first off, we have the Rock's role, of course,
is a commander of the ELF.
This is the commander of the ELF,
PB Chocolate Crinkle, I apologize.
Okay.
Oh, crinkle.
So this is PB Chocolate Crinkle.
And I have some copy I can read for each of these
as we're getting into it.
This is, we see a JK Simmons on there.
This is Red's Cookie Platter with Eggnog Custard.
That sounds fun.
Whoa, that does sound fun.
Are you an Eggnog fan?
I love Eggnog, yeah, yeah, that's great.
And finally we have Crampus's mint pie with pecan crust.
Krampus's mint pie.
Krampus's mint, mince pie, apologies, not mint pie.
Oh, mince pie.
Krampus's mince pie with pecan crust.
Is that a mint pie of savory?
That's what I thought, yeah.
Yes, is it, wait.
Mint made more sense.
Mint did make more sense.
Yeah, I was intrigued by the mint, but no, it's mince.
What's, what does that mean?
Okay, I'll read this copy here.
Before Santa arrives on his sleigh,
his brother Krampus revels in his own mischievous evening.
Krampus knocked.
In homage of this spirit, I cannot read.
In homage of the spirited night,
we're baking a traditional mints meat pie
filled with dried fruit soaked in syrupy plum schnapps
and spiced with cinnamon
clove and nutmeg. Okay it is. Baked to perfection in a buttery pecan crust, the pie is enveloped
into brown sugar ice cream infused with classic holiday spices. Make no mistake this is no jolly
cookie filled indulgence from the North Pole. This is Krampus's taste on the season, take on the
season, one of old world decadence and delight. I'm glad we're not doing an ad copy right now,
I cannot fucking read a paragraph of text.
Fuck some matter with me.
Something is wrong with me.
Something's wrong with you.
During the break, I apologized to Mary about the stunts.
And he didn't have to.
And it's now more embarrassing when you,
it's more embarrassing when you're like, I didn't care.
Also, as far as they're concerned, there was no break.
Oh, right.
Shit, oh well, whatever.
We'll edit this out.
Who cares?
Got a lot of edits in this episode.
There's a lot of edits in this episode.
This is not good.
Which one is that?
That's the rock one?
This is the one that you think would be good.
Yeah, how do you mess up peanut butter and chocolate?
So let me read the copy of that one.
Here's the weird thing with this,
and correct me if I'm wrong,
but there seems to be some
Christmasy eggnoggy flavors or something to it. It's not great.
Let me read the copy here. This is the North Pole's version of a powerhouse meal. Spiced
milk chocolate ice cream is packed with peanut butter. Callum Drift's go-to protein. That's
right, the character's name is Callum Drift. That makes you think of Christmas more than
the name Callum Drift. Callum Drift's go-to protein through hefty chunks
of house-made Reese's and Butterfingers.
That sounds good.
Even more peanut butter swirls through,
further bulking up the flavor and the nutrients.
As if that weren't enough,
brownie bites provide an extra energy boost
thanks to the chocolate,
helping to keep the head of security
in peak physical form, ready to protect Santa 24-7.
So The Rock had a hand in this copy.
So what it feels like it feels like it's like,
it's like, it's like a, it's like a, like,
this is actually, it's actually good for you.
The spice, the spices, why is it's unga Pachka?
Unga Pachka.
Yeah, I mean, you read all those components
and it kind of sounds like a good Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It feels like a thing they could, they could execute,
but maybe they just had too much going on.
No, you can't try that one though, right?
I'm gonna stick the peanut butter and chocolate. Let me let me read
The cookie platter you got one right in front of you my man
This one is I am gonna chance this one even though it's got a pecan crust cuz I don't think tree nuts have been the issue
For me lately. So we take a little bit of
Mmm, oh boy
You like that one.
I love peanut butter though.
I don't like this one.
Yeah, I don't know about that one.
So the mince pie is very, I feel like cinnamony, nutmeggy.
We were talking about spices earlier.
I don't know specifically what's in here, but I'm getting a lot of aromatics.
Yeah, cardamom, cloves, allspice. I'm getting all that and like aromatics here. Cardamom, cloves, allspice.
I'm getting all that.
And actually really comes through nicely.
It kind of honestly has, if I had tasted this in a vacuum,
I might think they were going for pumpkin pie.
It's almost that level of spice intensity.
I have to say, I really-
This is nice. I really love this.
I love the crinkle texture.
It's got, it's truly got like waves of peanut butter
in here, like it's not just peanut butter flavored ice cream.
But you see the swirls of peanut butter.
And then that one, the cookie platter with eggnog,
there are sugar cookies in there.
Like it is like they put a cookie platter,
but I'm not sure.
It's a lot.
I actually have come around on this.
I like it.
The eggnog, it does, the eggnog flavor really comes through in that one too.
I think all that, but my issue with both of them so far is that there's like Christmas spices in them,
and like they're kind of strong.
But I kind of like that. I like that at least. This is the only one I've had is the mince pie.
Well, there you go.
Let me try this sum bitch. This is the Red's cookie platter with eggnog custard. Everyone else has had this at this point?
Yes. Let me try some of this. I will the Reds cookie platter with eggnog custard. Everyone else has had this at this point? Yes, yes.
Let me try some of this.
I will say JK Simmons is Jack Santa in the movie.
They really play up how muscular he is
to the point where they're like,
they have him just like lifting.
They just have him like doing like,
oh, it's not a movie.
I think he was doing a French press when I was watching.
I, yeah, great.
Take away the Santa role, one of the last few big guy roles. Let's give it a fucking jacked people
Chubby guy can't get a see violent night wasn't he Jack too
God damn it really am it was David harbour. I think oh yeah, what the fuck?
Oh, yeah, at least David harbour is a big guy in a way
Really going for it.
Whoa, yeah, it really, that comes through. This one I really like.
The cookie texture is really nice.
The eggnog flavor's really hitting.
All right, maybe it was too harsh on the peanut butter one.
I've gone back to it.
Yeah, the peanut butter one's really good.
It is good and the peanut butter overtakes it, but when you just have like the,
I don't know if it needed the eggnog spice or whatever that's going on in here.
I'm gonna walk these over. I'm gonna walk these two over at the producer's desk.
This is the last one I gotta try. Oh, I don't know if I love that one. That might be,
Oh, I don't know if I love that one. That might be, I feel like that's good in a taster too,
but not, the spice is a bit too much, I think, in that one.
And maybe you can go Pachka for you.
I think it's working for me.
I do like the level of spice.
Okay, Amelia, I heard an ew.
You seem repulsed by whatever you just tasted.
Would you try the peanut butter one?
Red's Cookie Platter with Eggnog Custard.
Are you not an Eggnog fan?
I don't think I am, but actually I like it now that the aftertaste is set in.
Sorry.
That was a roller coaster of a bite.
So you went, eww, and then you're like, mmm, I like it.
Yeah, pretty much.
The peanut butter one is unlike any other peanut butter ice cream I've ever had.
In what way? Like, can you describe what it is about?
I think it's the Christmas flavors. There's like. OK.
I don't know. It's like a Christmas cookie, but a peanut butter Christmas cookie.
But kind of in a good way. I'm with you. I like it.
I like it a lot.
Like, I don't think if I was craving peanut butter, chocolate, ice cream,
this is what I would pick.
But I don't dislike this flavor, you know what I mean?
Not bad.
Okay.
I just like everything in there and then that spice,
that eggnog spice or whatever is just.
I like the ribbon of peanut butter through it.
I love the ribbon.
This is the most Christmasy one.
That is the most Christmasy,
the one you're holding the Krampus's mince pie
with pecan crust.
I like that one, that one was working for me.
I think it's the crust that I didn't respond to I can see that
Yeah, I think but I think the eggnog one I like more but that one is also working for me. Give those both snacks
Are you an eggnog fan in a vacuum I do like eggnog vacuum like I
Am like the only person my family that likes it. So one. Do you like it in a mop or in a broom?
No, I've never heard it in a vacuum.
Mop's too dirty.
You said in a vacuum quite a bit,
were you vacuuming at your home or something?
What's going on with this vacuum?
I don't know why I have vacuum in the brain.
Wasn't vacuuming too recently.
I mean, it's a regular chore, but.
What kind of vacuum you got this morning?
Yeah, you got a vacuum.
Yeah.
I got a Roomba.
Here's the thing about the Roomba.
I said, go take care of that for me, Roomba, will you?
Here's the thing about the Roomba.
So I got a Roomba at, oh yes, I'm so sorry,
I meant to bring that one up.
Oh no, you're good.
I got a vacuum constantly because of this fur ball.
Yeah, I mean, Jemi sheds like the Dickens, yeah.
Yeah, it's nuts.
So I did get a Roomba at Costco.
I think a Roomba is almost like as much work
as just vacuuming,
because you've got to maintain that bad boy,
and then it'll like get stuck,
and you got to go like get it,
and then you got to like flip it over
and like pull a bunch of shit out of it.
It's like there's like a lot of maintenance involved.
It's not just the thing that takes care of itself.
No, that's true.
I found that to be true with an automatic litter box as well,
where I was sort of sold like, it's amazing.
I don't have to scoop.
No, you still scoop.
It just, there's a machine that kind of moves
the lumps around a bit.
Right.
Well, hold on a second.
Do you have a litter robot?
Maybe, maybe, yeah.
Because I also, I had an automatic litter box.
This was maybe 10 years ago. Did you get a litter?
So the technology could be.
Have you gotten a litter robot?
No.
You need to get a litter.
It will change.
That's the one that changes your life.
Because it does, it tips upside down in all the,
it does all the poop.
It does the sifting.
It does the sifting.
It sifts.
It sifts it. Because the sifting. It sifts. It sifting.
Although it's being on theme,
now that makes me feel like I'm going for buried treasure.
It's sifting in that litter box.
You never know what sort of-
I gotta change out the litter.
Morsels you'll get.
The changing of the litter, oh my God.
Is there a worse thing?
Oof, boy.
Amelia, you're a cat owner.
Are you changing the litter?
Yeah, I just do it the old-fashioned way.
Do you scoop?
I scoop.
You scoop every day.
I do it old-fashioned.
Every morsel.
Oh my God.
Oh.
I don't know how you made that so fucking gross,
but you did.
What's the verdict over there on each of those flavors?
All right, I can't decide.
I think the peanut butter one
might be my favorite of the three.
I don't like that Krampus one.
Yeah, the Krampus one was a big no for me.
Wow. Way too, yeah.
So we get two wax on the Krampus
and two snacks on the other two flavors?
You came around on it, Amelia?
Yeah, I came around on the eggnog one.
Did you have a second bite?
Or did you just go on off the first bite?
I had a second and a third even.
Wow, okay.
Wow.
I had a very similar thing where I first tried
that cookie when I was like, I don't like this,
and then I was like, oh, I do like this.
Do you get what I'm saying about the peanut butter one?
It has like-
There's a spice to it that's different.
There's a spice to it that I just think you don't need.
I think if I was craving a peanut butter chocolate ice cream
and someone brought me a pint of that,
I'd be like a little pissed off because I'm like,
well, this isn't what was in my head.
Yeah, no, I get that.
But it's not, but if that was like at a party,
I would be fine with it, you know?
Yeah. I like it, but it's not.
It's contextual.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like if you like, like, oh, I'd like a sandwich
and then someone gives you like a euro, you know,
you'd be like, well, I might still like this,
but this is maybe not a sandwich.
I was expecting a sandwich.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
Bad example.
All right, that's fine.
They bring you a wrap.
You get a wrap.
You want a wrap?
It's not that much different from a year-round.
All right, fuck luck.
In my mind, I'm still picturing a year-round.
I was picturing a shitty Caesar salad wrap.
I like, you know, chicken Caesar, I wish I could get more chicken Caesar salads. I actually do like a chicken Caesar salad wrap. I like, you know, chicken Caesar,
I wish I could get more chicken Caesar salads.
I actually do like a chicken Caesar salad wrap.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, I do.
I like the wrap so much.
California Chicken Cafe, there's one nearby now,
they put it in the bottom of some horrible new building.
Yeah.
Which are going up everywhere.
They're going up everywhere.
These apartment buildings are everywhere now.
All the generic five over ones,
you see them absolutely everywhere, yeah.
Yes, wow. It's like the easiest thing to permit or Yes. You see them absolutely everywhere, yeah. Yes, wow.
It's like the easiest thing to permit or whatever.
They're taking over L.A., basically, which.
Yeah, it's sad.
It's sad.
It is a bummer to see, like, oh, Henson Studios
just pulled down Kermit and put up one of these fucking.
I know.
Ugly condos with the yoga works at ground level.
And they also put this so out of place.
It's so out of place in a neighborhood
of, like, you know, single story houses.
And then you have this giant thing that just,
it's such a bummer.
It's tricky because there is legitimately
a housing shortage.
And so it's like,
that you do want more high density buildings,
but also a lot of them are like,
like, yeah, they just don't have any character to them.
And you know, if you're,
especially if you're in a historic neighborhood,
it starts to make everything feel generic.
And they're probably not gonna be affordable.
Well, that's the other thing is that the way these are priced
is like, you guys like, wait, wait,
they want $3,700 for a studio?
Like, why are all these targeted at high income people who,
you know, it's a bummer,
because those aren't the people who,
but I guess there's an argument where having those
will lead for higher income people to move to those,
which will lead to more vacancies in other buildings, whatever.
Yes.
I feel like my hair's going to start growing higher and higher.
It has actually.
I do feel like it has grown.
It has grown.
It's taking on more of a wave.
But it's cool.
You can go downstairs and get a Froyo or whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah, right.
There's a Phil's Coffee down there.
That would be dangerous for me. Oh, if I had a... Oh, or whatever the fuck you want. Your, your, your, your. Yeah, there's a Phil's coffee down there.
That would be dangerous for me.
Oh, if I had a, oh man.
That would be dangerous.
I'm trying to think of what the worst thing would.
Get a Minchie's frozen yogurt
in the ground level right below you.
Yeah, that would be tough.
You know what I just realized saying that?
Was that what I was like, a fro-yo?
And I was like, what is now?
I was like, that was like, that's a 10 year old reference
now, like the fro-yo place.
Yeah, frozen yogurt place.
What the fuck is now the version of that?
Yeah.
It's like, there isn't,
I don't even know if there is a version of it.
Anyways, who gives?
Pinkberry was the thing.
Pinkberry was the thing.
Yeah, Pinkberry was the thing.
I think it's maybe in an acai bowl,
or is that on the way out?
That's-
Like a juice place?
Yeah, I feel like you're seeing a lot of acai
and juice places around.
Which is funny, because that was a 90s thing, in a way.
It was, yeah.
All of these,
I weirdly think I like the Krampus one the most because it is the most Christmassy.
I know that's weird.
It is the most Christmassy, I'll give you that.
I'm almost there with you.
It's the weirdest, yeah.
I like the Krampus one.
I think you and I are on Krampus Island here.
I- Which would be a horrible place to be.
I would hate to be Krampus Island,
although Krampus knocks, it seems like they're having a lot of fun. Yeah. Like that part of the movie,
I kinda like that part of the movie.
Krampus is slapping people.
I disagree with you,
I didn't like that part of the movie.
But I don't know if there's any part of the movie I like.
I like seeing our friend Nick Kroll.
Yeah.
That was fun.
Nick's in it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's always fun to be like,
our friend's in it, the movie sucks shit. They put one comedian Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's always fun to be like, our friends in it.
The movie sucks shit.
They put one comedian in a comedy.
How about that?
Yeah, that's true.
How about that?
I love it when they do that.
Yeah, nice.
Throw them a bone.
Throw them a bone, yeah.
Okay, here's what I'm gonna say.
Red's cookie platter was my favorite.
I really liked that eggnog custard.
And I really liked that.
I think the texture of the crumbled cookies
was really working for me. Snickerdoodles, spiced gingerbread custard. And I really like that. I think the texture of the crumbled cookies was really working for me.
Snickerdoodles, spiced gingerbread,
you're getting all of that.
But also I did like the Krampus' mince pie quite a bit.
But both of those are snacks,
but I put the Red's cookie platter,
the JK Simmons Red One flavor just above it.
Can I say that my stomach immediately dropped?
It's probably from the things that I've eaten this morning
have been a hot chocolate, a French toast stick,
and now ice cream.
Oh, we were talking about the French toast sticks.
Yeah, we got the French toast sticks
from the kids' menu as well.
Yeah, but it was essentially just a French toast that was
sliced up. Yeah, that you dipped in cookie butter.
But what was nice about it is it came with fresh berries,
fresh strawberries, and fresh bananas.
That is nice, yeah.
And we took your idea of you put a little cookie butter
on that bad boy, and then you put like a little berry or a little banana on it, makes That is nice, yeah. And we took your idea of you put a little cookie butter on that bad boy,
and then you put like a little berry or a little banana
on it, makes it a nice little bite.
Yeah, those slices of banana and strawberry,
the only normal thing that I've eaten so far today.
We didn't order that because we were embarrassed
to order the children's menu.
Yeah. Sure.
But you know, we basically ordered everything else.
It wouldn't be too much more embarrassing.
I say slight snack to all.
I'll give a slight snack to all three of them.
Yeah, I'll give a clear snack to both of the ones
that I tried, and I like the Red's Cookie Platter more.
Mary, what was your snack or whack verdict on each flavor,
and what are your favorites?
Crampus is unfortunately whack for me.
Not for me.
That was way too much spice. And I think was, you understand?
My thing with ice cream is I want a flavor
that makes me wanna keep going back and back and back.
And I think with the Krampus one, I'd be like,
okay, I get it.
Like with just one bite.
That was the issue with all three of these.
Well, I love the peanut butter one.
That is snack across the board to me.
And also the, I did like the slight snacks
to the cookie platter with eggnog custard.
Wow, there you go.
Hey, that was Snack or Whack
with the Salt and Straw Red One ice cream.
Just like a restaurant via your feedback.
Close up with the feedback.
And today's email is from Brian.
Brian writes, hi doughboys.
Brian?
We'll get to it. I don't think it's Brian from Brian. Brian writes, hi doughboys. Brian? We'll get to it.
I don't think it's Brian from Family Guy.
Okay, all right.
Maybe we'll get closure on that by the end.
All right.
Hi doughboys, to steal a phrase from the sloppy boys,
I'm quite often swayed by the smell
when it comes to fast food.
Here in South Louisiana, down in the bayou,
we've got raising canes on nearly every corner
and the smell of fried chicken is everywhere.
What fast food restaurants do you think
have the best smelling food?
Your Cajun friend, Brian, parentheses, not a gator.
Oh.
I think he's a gator.
Yeah, because the whole time I actually
thought he sounded like a gator.
I think he does protest too much.
Does it say under that possibly a dog?
Um, because then we know it's Brian.
Yeah.
We know at that point it's Brian.
We know.
I, this, you know what?
I was just thinking, I was like,
what would be the worst thing to be on the bottom floor
of your apartment, and you were like,
oh, it wouldn't be good if I had Froyo.
I think like a pizza place,
or if there was a Raising Canes or something
in the bottom of my, I would just eat fried chicken so much more,
which is a thing that I try not to do,
even though I don't even know if it's that bad.
I guess the worst thing would be a McDonald's.
Brian took what would have been my answer.
Well, I did live on the same block
as a McDonald's for a while,
and it actually made me go less
because I knew I had to exercise restraint
to stop going there.
So it depends on what you do to your brain,
but I was just like, I can't go all the time,
but I did go frequently.
Fried chicken would have been my answer.
Fried chicken is my favorite food.
I almost just said in a vacuum again.
I said fried chicken would have been my answer
in a vacuum, I stopped myself.
What's going on with this vacuum?
You didn't say that.
Fried chicken would have been my answer in a vacuum,
but Brian took it.
I'm trying to think of other flavors.
And I feel like I really,
I'm not even necessarily the biggest meats guy,
the biggest barbecue guy,
but do you even smell it?
And some meats are smoking.
You can't get that smoky,
sort of like, aw man, something's firing up.
They're roasting something.
Or even if you just walk by your neighborhood
and someone's having a cookout
and you're smelling that grill,
it's something about grilled meats
that's just like, oh, that's when I feel like
I'm gonna turn to the cartoon character
and put it horizontally. you know what I mean?
I was just gonna say, you go and you get dragged
by your nose. Yeah, follow my sense, exactly.
I've seen him do it.
Yeah, I can do it.
I've seen him float.
I can do it.
I can do it.
I can do it.
I believe it, I've seen it happen before.
There's very tips of your toes, like a ballerina.
It's actually what happens at the end of the whale.
You think he's going to heaven,
but actually he's following.
You smell the pie?
He smelled a pie. He's the end of the whale. You think he's going to heaven, but actually he's following. But he smelled a pie. He smelled a pie.
He's floating away towards the pie.
My first instinct is to say McDonald's
because I love McDonald's so much.
But I actually think, if I really ask myself,
the place that I go into where I'm like,
God, I love this smell so much,
and it's a strange answer, but it would be Subway.
Interesting.
Oh my god.
The bread smells from Subway.
Do you know what I'm talking about though?
The bread smell is pretty good.
It has such a specific smell.
Yeah.
You go in, it's like.
That smell makes me sick.
Yes, I was gonna say same.
Amelia, that was the most aggressive.
Yeah.
Amelia.
You've ever been.
That smell makes me sick. Her face lit up in a way where I was like, This is the most aggressive you've ever been.
That smell makes me sick.
Her face lit up in a way where I was like,
yes, Amelia and I, we connect on this.
And then what she said was so obvious.
She had the biggest smile on her face when she said it.
Yeah, Mary, thanks for doing the show, but you disgust us.
No problem.
I keep getting that feedback.
Is that something I'm doing?
That smell makes me sick.
It was like the most Jersey you've ever been.
Get the fuck out of here.
A burger for me is the answer.
I can't, this is a grilled burger.
Yeah, the smell of a grilled burger.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Come on, I can't beat the smell of a grilled burger.
I currently live like two blocks away
from two different places that make burgers.
I'm not gonna say names because you'll find my house if I do. But I regularly. I currently live like two blocks away from two different places that make burgers. I'm not gonna say names
because you'll find my house if I do, but I regularly-
I don't think you need to worry
about anyone in the subreddit doing that.
No, they're not.
But they're regularly mornings where we're walking
and I'm like, I could eat like chili cheese fries
on a burger right now because it just smells so good
just like walking down the street.
I've geo-located the likely route of Jemmy's morning walks
if anyone wants to meet up and try and take a picture of her.
Oh my gosh.
I visited LA and I did Jemmy's walk.
I got down on all fours and my significant other
walked me around the block that Jemmy walks on.
I took a shit where I think Jemmy would've taken a shit.
I have to go back for court now.
Don't figure, don't triangulate. Would I take any shit? No. I have to go back for court now? Um. Um.
Um.
Uh, don't figure, don't triangulate.
Yes.
Where Emma lives.
Yeah, you can figure out where I live
based on me saying I live near two burger restaurants
in LA, but damn, you're talented.
I will say-
We'll do a contest where we'll give you Emma's address.
That's nice.
We're not gonna dox our staff for a contest.
For a contest?
For a contest.
What about if it's for a good cause?
Okay.
How about whoever donates the most,
like Santador, the cat shelter,
we give them Amelia's address.
I'll tell you one of the burger restaurants
if you donate money.
You don't, you donate, oh okay, all right, good.
I was gonna say. Don't do it. No, don't give all right, good. I was gonna say, please don't do that.
No, don't give it out away for free.
Wait, okay, just going back to bread.
I will say, going by like a place
that does like fresh baking, even a Subway aside,
I do like the smell of Subway bread, unlike Amelia.
I do think that is a good smell,
but like, just like you go by a bakery,
it's like, oh man, this is so fucking intoxicating.
Fresh baked bread.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Oh, you know what the other thing I was gonna say?
Remember when Lisa told Bart to go back to bed
and he said, I thought you said go back to bread?
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
Sorry, just remembering an old Simpsons moment.
Go to bread.
Yeah, go to bread.
Yeah, go to bread, yeah, that's good, yeah.
I thought you said go to bread.
Yeah.
And he went and got bread. The Simpsons were very funny. It was really funny. It, go to bread. Yeah, that's good, yeah. I thought you said go to bread. Yeah. And he went and got bread.
The Simpsons were very funny.
It was a good time.
It was a good joke.
So the thing I was thinking of,
remembering, we're both collectively remembering
everyone's like 357th favorite Simpsons joke.
Like, oh, I kinda remember that.
What?
It's a good moment.
Season nine.
I thought it was funny.
I did lie, I do think it's funny, it does make me laugh.
The salt and straw ice cream place
that makes in-house waffle cones,
the smell of waffle cones.
Now that is shit.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, so good.
I'll make that my favorite.
Can I get off with you, Ikes?
That smell makes me sick.
Thanks for the question, Brian.
Oh, wait.
There's a PS from Brian here.
I am a gator.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Brian.
Oh my god.
He should have said, I alligator.
He should have said, I alligator.
He should have said, I alligator.
If you have a question or comment
about the world of chain restaurants,
you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com
or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DOE.
That's 830-463-6844.
And to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode
plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog,
subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys.
Our producers, Emma Erbrink,
our associate producers, Amelia Moreno,
our engineers, Casey Donahue,
our video editor is Mike Dorfman,
our guest, Mary Holland.
Mary, congrats on night, bitch.
I'm very excited to see it.
Tell us about the movie and please,
anything else you wanna plug?
Yes, the movie comes out December 6th.
So it'll be out by the time this episode is out.
Oh, great, oh, great, yeah.
It's great, it's starring Amy Adams,
who is a national treasure, much like Indiana Jones.
Yes, yeah.
And the national treasure movie's kind of a spinoff
of Indiana Jones as well. Mitch, you're National Treasure movie is kind of a spinoff of Indiana Jones as well.
Mitch, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Is that controversial?
No.
I mean, it's like it's clearly draws some inspiration from it, but not an overt spinoff,
but definitely like kind of an homage.
We love Amy Adams.
Amy Adams is great.
I saw her outside of Mozo one night.
Did you?
Very cool.
She was on the phone.
Yeah.
She has one.
Yeah. All right. Confirmation, it was definitely her. It was her for sure Yeah, she has one. Yeah. All right. Confirmation it was definitely her.
It was her for sure, because she has one.
I was Osiria Motso, I was walking to
Chi Spaca with my mom.
That place has the focaccia.
Oh, it's very, very good, yeah.
Oh, baby.
It's a fancy steakhouse.
But if you have a relative in town,
you want to take them to a nice meal.
That's when I saw Killer Mike.
They have a cheesy focaccia bread that is unreal.
It's really, really, really, really good.
It's good.
I think I saw a trailer for Night Bitch.
Was it at TIFF?
Yes, yeah.
It was, because that was up in Toronto.
Were you there at TIFF?
No, I wasn't.
OK, yeah.
But the movie was.
Yeah. I guess I was in a way, because I am in that movie. Movie's out now. Amy Adams, you're was up in Toronto. Were you there, Tiff? No, I wasn't. But the movie was.
I guess I was in a way, because I am in that movie.
Movie's out now.
Amy Adams, you're in it as well.
Congratulations.
Very excited to see it.
So funny.
Thanks so much for doing the show.
My pleasure.
I'm so thrilled to be back.
And I hope I can come back again.
We'd love to have you back.
Can we also just say, the show is not always like this.
Yeah, okay, thank you.
Thank you for being here for this episode.
I have a good one for you, too.
And thank you for saying that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Were there any stunts in that, bitch?
Um...
Thank you for having me.
That was so fun.
That'll do it for this episode of Doughboy.
So next time for The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger.
Happy eating. Uh, no. Thank you for having me. That was so fun. That'll do it for this episode of Doughboy. So next time for the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger.
Happy eating.
Pfft.
Hey buddy!
We got some new merch for the holidays
from our buddies at Kinship Goods.
Wow. We got hoodies, Weigs.
We got sweatshirts.
Wow. We got koozies.
That's right. Number one clown ass dad koozies. Yeah, that's right. We got sweat shirts. Wow, we got koozies. That's right, number one clown ass dad koozies.
Yeah, that's right, we got it. You can give it to your dad for the holidays.
What a gift. We got stickers, sticker sheets, individual stickers.
Stickers for you, stickers for your car.
And also, Snow Gators t-shirts.
That's right, the bit, not even we like, we made a shirt of it you want to think about those snow
gators they got up north in the in the Toronto Bayou wait what color are they
oh those gators they're white Wow Wow kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys that's
the URL for all our new winter merch get it for the holidays for the doughboys
lover in your life or for yourself don Don't stuff coal into their stockings. Put one of these dumb gifts
instead. KinshipGoods.com slash Doughboys. Sources for the intro are in the episode description.
Hey buddy, the Doughboys year end finale will be be live and livestreamed. Wow. Saturday, December 14th at 7.30pm Pacific at Dynasty Typewriter in LA.
You will be able to watch a livestream as well.
Join me and Mitch and special guests for a holiday wrap-up of 2024.
Wow.
Livestream tickets available at Birdfuck.com.