Doughboys - Jamba Juice with Dylan Gelula

Episode Date: April 6, 2017

With the Tournament of Chompions in the rearview mirror, Doughboys resume normal operations, as actress Dylan Gelula (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Casual) joins to discuss vegan eating and pseudo health food chain Jamba Juice. Mitch and Wiger debate who’s lower-T, and Nerds Rope is under debate in a new Snack or Wack.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The summer of 1998, America was gripped to a Major League Baseball's home run chase. With hulking superstars Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa both vying to break Roger Maris' record of 61 dingers, sports networks preempted their normal programming to air each ball players at bat live. By season's end, both had heroically broken the mark and were co-recognized as sports-illustrated sportsmen of the year. In 2003, Barry Bonds, a once-lie, the wiry athlete who oddly developed a massively muscular frame and gigantic head in his mid-thirties, again set the record with 73 bombs.

But soon after, the secret to these slugger's success was revealed. They'd been using anabolic steroids, a process commonly referred to as juicing. And today, this one's golden age is now viewed as a dark stain on America's pastime. But juicing had another connotation back in the 90s, as a health food craze involving liquefying fresh fruit with juice bars proliferating at strip malls across the country. And the most successful of those came by way of Cal State San Luis Obispo graduate Kirk Perrin, who borrowed money from his mom to open a store called Juice Club. It was a hit with the locals and in short order expanded nationwide, rebranding to

drop the club concept for a more offbeat and inviting name. But fruit juicing suffered a scandalous setback of its own. In 2003, Dr. Atkins' new diet revolution became the Bhagavad Gita for the low-carb craze. As this diet-restricting grain and sugar consumption displaced the long-standing low-fat approach, juice abruptly flipped from being viewed as healthful and nutritious into a vice as dangerous as sugary soda. Still like baseball, the business formerly known as Juice Club has persevered, and today

it boasts 800 locations across the globe. This week on Doughboys, Jamba Juice. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants, we're a production of Feral Audio.com. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, a real piece of shit, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. A real piece of shit? The roaster back. I'm coming in hot with that one.

That was courtesy of Mike Olson. If you have a roast you'd like to use on Mitch at the top of the show, roastspoonmanatgmail.com. Classic. I like you, Olson. Though if I meet you, I'm going to have to beat the shit out of you. It's clever by virtue of not being clever. You never say that about me. No, you're just a classic dope.

A lovable dope. Okay, fuck you. Anyways, howdy ho to Spoon Nation, who? My voice is a little off today. Here we go. What the hell is this? What on earth? Now, hold on a second.

Be fresh. What the fuck? You know what? Oh, dear God, don't spit it out. Don't give me this Mario Kart shit. What the fuck? Fuck you, Wiger. Why do you do it if it aggravates you so much?

It's not... I think they're nice for doing it. Right. I just don't... I don't know. You were sighing heavily while you were playing that trick. I liked that one. That one was better than others.

It was good. I was honestly unsure why you were giving that reaction. It seemed pretty inoffensive. It just takes time. But you know what? In life, it's all about just killing time. That really is it. We're just running out the clock.

I think it's kind of both of our philosophies. That's one thing we can agree on. It's funny because we're in a football game or something. Right. And it's still like maybe even in the first half. Yeah. It's the first half. We're on our own 20.

And we're kneeling. We're just kneeling. You and I are kneeling constantly. We're kneeling for four downs. Not even punting. Giving the other team the ball. Taking our defense off the field. Letting them score.

Offering their defensive players to openly just come in and tackle us and crush us. Right. Yeah. Why is that? What's wrong with us? Why have we given up? Yeah. I think we've lived long enough where we've seen that this is all this is.

If I'm killed, will I be remembered better? If I'm killed, will I be better remembered more fondly? You're talking about it in some sort of like big game hunter bounty sense. Like if someone should come and kill you as like a quest. I'm just afraid. I'm just always afraid of messing up. What do you mean? I'm afraid of becoming a man that people hate.

You'll never be. You're a beloved man. You're a beloved figure. We get feedback. Whatever. The tournament is over. And thank fucking God it's over. We had this chicken tournament that we did this past month.

We both ate a bunch of fried chicken. I think I ate twice as much as you did. You probably did. We had these Losers Bracket episodes. You didn't re-eat the food for them. I did. So I was eating twice as many meals. And also I still got sick constantly from eating all the food we did.

It was very unhealthy. It was way more food than last year. You know what it was? The reason I think my body mostly handled it is because I was just going hard in the other direction with my other meals. So I was eating very healthy when I wasn't eating tournament food. When I wasn't eating this fried chicken for chicken fight. And then I was also doing it like just keeping up my exercise regimen.

Which I know you do as well. Yeah, fuck yeah. I do do it. You asshole. I work out with a trainer. Yeah. You've been very good about that. I've been encouraging you about that.

I think it's good. Thank you Nick. I'm just saying I've been maybe even going at it a little harder than you have. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. I know. That's what you were saying. Anyways, I want to say thank you to Dan Engler.

That was to celebrate the new recording location, which is my house. And he's a proud member of the Golden Plate Club, which means that he's a member of the Patreon. A Patreon subscriber. How about that? That's very nice. Yeah. Thanks, Dan.

Good guy. What happened? Now I've done this thing where I opened up another email accidentally. There we go. It's all set now. Just put your phone down. You're set. Okay.

All right. It's fine. Okay, good. All right. Start the podcast for God's sakes. Did you forget how things went since we've done this tournament? We messed up the format a little bit. We're getting back on the horse now.

We're back on the horse. We've got a great guest here from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and casual Dylan Galula. Hi, Dylan. Hi. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the litter box, which is what we're calling this makeshift recording studio in Mitch's apartment. Dylan, sorry you have to be here.

I didn't know if I should look at you guys while you were talking or not. I noticed that you were kind of looking down. I felt bad. Right. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stay silent. I don't know. I feel like someone's banging on the ceiling.

Right. There's a very loud pound down there. As we're talking about this house, who knows, maybe someone's digging their way through from upstairs. What? Like they're tunneling through? They're tunneling through to my apartment. I'd probably just let them.

I don't think I would fight them off. Maybe they're coming to kill you. You'd be happy about that. Yeah. What is happening up there? I don't know. That's where is being moved. Their new neighbors.

There's new neighbors upstairs. Maybe they got something from Ikea. I don't know them that well. But one of the guys, oh yeah. He's really pounded up there. Dustin, is any of that getting picked up or are we getting a lot of booming over there? You wouldn't really be able to hear it on the mic though. It's really making me feel it more.

I can feel it. It doesn't say you can't really hear it. You can feel it at home, too. That's pretty cool. I just thought I'm in danger. Yeah. Right. If you're listening to this and you can hear these booming, hashtag boom boom.

Hashtag there goes, there goes the boom. There goes the boom. Yeah. Here comes the boom. No. Okay. Hashtag there goes the boom. If you can hear the boom.

Hashtag. Here comes the boom. Here comes the boom. If you can't hear the boom. We're back on our horse again. You know, I have a story about, did I ever tell you this? My story of when I went horseback riding as a boy. No.

I had that. You know that I've, because I told Paul this recently and he was like, oh, we never told the story because I have this story about when I went swimming with dolphins as when I was like a teen. Right. And the dolphins basically like were interested in me sexually and they're like, oh, swim up against me. And then I found out that that's like a thing that happens.

They're not actually more than a few creatures. And they kill people that way. Like accidentally drown them, which I did not know. It was just very scary. I was in danger that whole time. Um, uh, when I was a boy, when I was a horse, like one of my first horse riding experiences, like I got, I don't even know how old I was. I was like six years old.

We were in, or maybe seven, I don't know, old enough to be on a horse, right? But we were in East over and they like put me on this horse, but it was like a horny horse. Like it was like a, I guess they wouldn't cut that's not the, the technical name for it, but it was like a, like a horse that was like getting through, going through puberty. Okay. And like we went off in a horse riding trail, like the other horse like ran up and like was like running after this, uh, what's the, what's a lady horse? Is that a, is that a, it's not a mayor, a mayor, it is a mayor.

Okay. I want to say mayor too. All right. Good. But he was running after this one mayor while I was on the back of him. He was like going nuts, trying to have sex with her while I was on the back of the horse. And he was frustrated because he couldn't run very fast.

You're saying because as a seven year old boy, I weighed more than most of the horses to men who ride horses. I'm just saying he was probably thinking that if I could drop this dead weight, I could get with that mayor. That's a lot psychologically for a little kid. It was. Yeah. Yeah.

No, you don't really understand what's going on even. I did not understand what was going on and it was dangerous. Yeah. Right. But you feel something's happening. There's an energy. Yes. I was, I think I was getting excited.

The first time I ever felt anything in my life, uh, no, he, you know, he like really, like they were, I had to be like tracked down. It was very, it was very, it was kind of, it was kind of, it was kind of, it was kind of, I guess it did affect me. It was crazy. You said the horny dolphin thing like you already knew about it. Is that something you've talked about? It's a story I've told before.

Yeah. These dolphins, I basically had these bright swim trunks on. I just did, I did the monologues at ASCAP this last week. Yeah. And I told that story. You brought up a show here in LA that you upright citizens forget theater. I told some stories there that I've, two stories that I've told on the podcast. And yeah, the dolphins were attracted to my swim trunks.

Like you're looking good in the swim trunks. I'm looking good in the short trunks. They look like a sea creature anyways. They had like a target on the butt. Right. So my, okay. My mom bought me a bathing suit that had a target on the, I mean, to them it was basically like a target on the, on the butt.

They, they, they were, they were really, really attractive. I, I'll say this since from that day forth, no one has ever been that attracted to me. The dolphins were, the dolphins were it. That was the highest where I was a group of, like a group of dolphins. You know, like a, maybe if you're a good looking girl or guy, now I sound like an old man. You go out on the dance floor and you're dancing.

Oh, a group of people are standing around you and they're looking at you like, you're the, look at this. This is a good looking guy. There's the bell of the ball. A bell of the ball. That was my moment was when all these dolphins were surrounding me and they, and they wanted to, they wanted to get at that target. It was really, it was really weird.

And they were making like weird noises and stuff like that. Right. Is that like a thing? Like they're a particularly horny animal? I guess so. Yeah. Yes. Nick, you and I were talking about testosterone today.

Oh, well, like how we're both, because we're both men in our mid to late 30s and we were discussing. Early 30s for me. Yeah. We're in our 30s, but we were discussing that we probably are, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be surprised if I qualify as low T, which is a thing that tests, they have on these like sports networks and stuff as they advertise at like, like testosterone supplements for low T men.

Yeah. And then you read all the symptoms of guys who have low T and it's just like, Oh, that's just my personality described. That's just like every element of like, like can't concentrate. You know, is weak and scared. Trumbles around the opposite sex. Like just a number of just different things that are just sort of like, you know, Confused for robot.

I could describe either one of us. I think we should have, Mitch, I think we should have a T off. I think both of us should get tested for, for low T and see as the highest testosterone. That is very, very funny. All right. What is it? What happens to the loser? Hey, I got it.

The loser has to cut his tick off. Are you in? Yeah, sure. Okay. We'll figure this out. I feel like I'll lose this competition. You think so? Is that why you set the price as cutting your dick off?

Yeah. Good point. I do think, I do think I, I think I will, I agree with you. I feel, I feel very, I feel similar like all the, all the things that they describe. I'm like, yeah, I feel that a lot. And I've never, I've never had like, like, you know, like when guys are like, let's fight or whatever. I've never had, I never have had that.

Yeah. No, I'm, we're both more like, don't hit me. Isn't that correct though? Like your behavior? I hope so. Yes. That's probably like a survivability trade. If anything, I would guess like over time that maybe the average testosterone level has

waned as, you know, because going from these tribal societies where it used to be that there was like the one alpha male who was like in charge and now we've got this sort of thing where that's less of a survival trait in modern society. Right. Like if you're like guys who are like very aggressive end up, they get, they get killed and they go to prison, you know, it's, it's like a different sort of world that we live in. I don't want to be one of those like nice guys finished last type of guys because it's

annoying and not true. But like, it is, there is like that funny line where like people are like, oh, they like nice guys, people like nice guys. But then like also like, if you're like one inch too far, they're like, you like coward, you like roll their eyes at you. And I feel like you and I are probably are over that line where you write most people roll their eyes at us. But I don't say we are like, we're not at the point where we self describe as nice

guys, which is our own thing. No, yeah, we're just cowards. Yes, yeah. It makes sense. It makes sense for people to roll their eyes at us. We either of us, we're going to, we would be, we would be like executed for cowardice and Game of Thrones. Like that's what would, we'd be beheaded while weeping.

Dylan, so you're from Philadelphia, right? Am I correct about that? Where exactly? Right outside of it. So do you, is there any, this is a question we ask our guests who are from specific regions with some. Cats or genos. With some renowned foodstuffs in Philadelphia certainly has its reputation.

Is there any Philly foods that you miss out here in LA? No. No? Really? I don't know. I've never had a cheese steak in my life. You've never had one? No.

Wow. Man. I know. And then I could say, wow, wow. That's like a thing I heard other people say. Right. But I don't know. Water ice, even though it's water ice, more Jersey than it is.

No, water ice is a thing. It is. I liked water ice. There you go. There's something. Yeah. There's like that thing where it's like water ice, ice cream, water ice, ice cream, like a parfait.

But like that sounds terrible now. Yeah. It's a very watery ice cream. People love water ice. They love wawas and they love their cheese steaks, but they don't like pats. I feel like pats and genos are like the, are two mainstream. Those are the two original that they both claimed to have invented the cheese steak. And the same way that out here, both Kohl's and Fleepe's claimed to have invented the French

dip. That's right. They just kind of have a claim to it. But here, like Kohl's and Fleepe's, people are like, this is great. And you're saying that in Philadelphia, they're kind of like, ah, those, they're better places. I've been to both of them and they're both good. But then I've been to like some of the other places that I can't remember the name of. And I feel bad.

There's like one third one that like everybody's like pats or genos and then they say the third one. And that's like the joke. They forget what it's called. There's a third one that they always say. And then there's even beyond that third one, there's like ones that people are like really adamant about. And I just don't.

I don't know. I feel like I've had almost all of them. I used to row on the Schuylkill River. Sure. Right. The old Schuylkill. Where the Boathouse Row, where Rocky himself ran right by Boathouse Row, I rowed on that little river.

Why did you row there? You're like crew team in college would go all the way out there? Is that close to the border? Yeah, crew team in college. Yeah. I mean, it was like a bus ride. It would take a while. And I think we stayed overnight.

Right. So you'd have like races there. Like regattas, whatever you call them. We had races there. Yeah. So you want a gold medal. Hey, how about that? Congrats.

And I melted it down and bought a hut dog with it. Is that what you want to hear from me? Yeah. I think my freshman and sophomore year, I don't know if I did it in my junior year. Okay. Yeah. And then I quit my junior year. Right.

But I maybe did it even my junior year, but we would go to Philadelphia and row on the Schuylkill River there, which is a very, that section there is that Boathouse Row is very nice going. It is. Yeah. It's kind of all they have. And they talk about it a lot. And it's just some houses.

Yeah. Yeah. You're right. It kind of, I guess it sucks. It fucking sucks. I also remember, I don't know if this will help me remember the third name. I can't remember it, but I remember like a year or two ago, it got busted for like a giant amount of Coke.

Oh. It was actually just like a front and they were really making their money selling Coke. Do you remember that? It was like a national. Isn't that every Philly business? That's every Philly business. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't. I can't. I can't remember. I'll think. But you know what? We have people that angrily will tweet at us and that will definitely have the answer to it soon. Nick, what's a good hashtag for this?

Hashtag. Hashtag. The third one. The third one. Yeah. Perfect. Well done. Hashtag Rocky three.

Yeah. Okay. That's a Philadelphia association. Yeah. There we go. I'm with you. People haven't tweeted about Rocky three in a while. I feel like it's, it would be good for the movie.

Hey, you know, speaking of Philly and Rocky Dylan, is that like, are you a Rocky fan? This is going to be this entire podcast. I've never seen it. Wow. This is not going to be the entire podcast. I haven't had any kind of experience. That's all right. Have you ever seen Mask with Rocky Dennis?

No, I know what that is. Yeah. Okay. I would say here's my, my thought. If you haven't seen any of the Rocky movies, I would just go straight to Creed. Because I think Creed is the best Rocky. Creed rules. Creed does rule.

Yeah. I mean, I can't say anything rules. I'm mad that you made me say Creed is good. A good movie. It's a, it's a great, I enjoyed it a lot. But if you haven't seen any of the Rocky movies, cause some of those have like, are like, there's stuff in like Rocky three that hasn't aged well. You know what I mean?

I feel like if you watch Creed, you're like, who is this old guy that he has like reverence for? I think you'll get it. I think you'll, I think it's communicated enough that you get those. Oh, this is the old mentor type. This has been part of this. Like guys, I know he's a thing. I know boxing.

You'll get it. Yes. I guess you'll, I guess you'll get it, but you might not watch Rocky one. Rocky. Well, Rocky. Rocky's a good movie. Rocky's a good movie. I just think as a jumping on point, I would just like start with the new one.

Rocky. Here's my here. Here's the thing with the like later on they got ridiculous. And then Rocky Balboa was the one where like the ESPN thing like does like a digit. Like it's like, we like put like in our video game. We put Rocky against like this guy now. And I'm like, never do a video game thing in a movie ever. Like, like never use that.

Like the tech, they like use some technology on ESPN that gets Rocky to fight again. It's a really dumb device where they're just like, you know, like, oh, Rocky would, would lose in a hypothetical matchup with Balrog. Is that in the movie? It's in like Rocky. This is like Rocky six basically. That sounds so boring. It is.

It is. It is. It is actually insanely boring. And you know what's more boring? Breaking it down on a podcast. But don't don't ever use that sort of technology in it because it just always looks stupid. That's another thing I liked about Creed though is, is that we like, I think that it used the internet in a good way.

Like a lot of times that technology stuff and you see in film and TV and it's just like, oh man, I just so sick of looking at people looking at screens. But in Creed, like the part where he's like shadow boxing with the old YouTube clip. That is cool. Of his dad's bouts. I'm like, oh, that's awesome. I like that. Yeah.

It's like a good scene. That's like it. That's like the best way I've seen YouTube used in a movie. Yeah. Yeah, I feel, I feel like the only way that like technology really should be seen in movies is people just silently looking at their phones and you're not seeing the screen. Right. Because when you're with people, like that is what, like, you know what I mean?

There's just a lot of that time. But that stuff's not cinematically interesting because the long boring stretches of life to get it out. Make us watch people texting all the time. The texts are always gigantic. Yeah, right. It bothers me. Yeah.

I don't, I don't like that in movies. If you don't do it, it's kind of fake too. Or like, don't you have to do it? Or like, don't you have to put texting in movies now or it's not real? I think maybe just stop making movies about now. What, maybe we should just say like, there should be nothing made that takes place after like 1995. Oh man.

And then just sort of like, you know, freeze everything in time because then you don't have to deal with any of these questions. That's a bold. All right. Yeah. I'm fine. I actually, I like that rule. I mean, that's kind of the fun of like, like going to a different world or whatever,

right? You don't have to deal with all these sort of. That part, that's part of the issue is that so many of these modern, this modern technology just solves plot problems. Yeah. Like things are just like so many, so many Seinfelds just fall apart if they have texting because they just can instantly solve a miscommunication. Or there was no service.

That's true. That's you have to invent something like there's, that's like what these moot they need to seem like, I can't get any service in this elevator and that justifies whatever their tense scene is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're right. Who cares?

TV and entertainment shouldn't. Yeah. So Dylan, but you, so this, this is something you told me before we were going to record. So you are a pretty, speaking of you, like you said, you like, you don't have a lot of experiences and that, that partly translates to your eating because you're not a picky, you're a very picky eater, correct? She told you she doesn't have a lot of experience. I haven't lived a lot of life.

Sure. Yeah. You're young. You're also like, like, like, I think that once when you were like, I'm young earlier here, like, Weigher and I were like, like, we were acting very, like we were like, you are young and like, you'll figure things. I felt very old after it was like, addressed that she is younger. I'm sorry.

You know, no, it's not your fault. Right. But that, that, that made me self-conscious that like immediately we were like, that's okay. Kiddo. Immediately. You're, you're, you haven't lived a lot of lives. You just moved out here not too long ago.

I've been here a while. I've been here for five years, but I moved here when I was 17. Oh my God. Okay. All right. Yeah. You're very young, but that's, that you've lived a long enough life. Yes.

No, it's me. More fulfilling than Nick and I's life. If I had to guess. Right. I don't think so. No. No, I just mean like I've lived enough life where I could have tried things and I haven't out of fear.

Okay. Oh yeah. That sounds like the two of us. Yeah. So as far as that, what does that mean? Like eating different foods or what? Like that's definitely one of them. Yeah.

I just think it extends more even further. Right. You don't, you don't drink dairy, but is that just, is that an aversion to it? Is that just like a, or does it, are you allergic or is it something like that? Well, I've been a vegetarian my whole life or since I was five. Okay. Okay. And then my brother, when he was in college became vegan and I was like, I'll try that.

And then he immediately gave it up and I was like, I like it. And then now it's just the way I eat. What is your brother now? Is he vegetarian? Nothing. He just, he does whatever. No, he eats the way I think is the most healthy where he's like, I eat meat, but I also really like all this healthy vegan stuff.

Oh, that's interesting. There's interesting people who go to that side and then come back. Yeah. They cross over and then come back. And I've known people who've done it like been like vegetarian for like years and then they come back over. I had a friend who, this is my friend, a guy I worked with at his brother was a vegan, like a super strict vegan for like five years and then at a party ended up doing some shots

of Bailey's Irish cream, which is just like, you know, super heavy dairy plus alcohol. Yeah. Why would you do shots? Exactly. Yeah. Why do shots? Maybe it wasn't shots, but he was having Bailey's Irish cream in the context of some drink and he had more than one of them and his body reacted so violently, like vomiting blood

ended up in the ER. Oh my God. It was just like he just, his body didn't know what to do with it. It was like it was putting poison inside of it. Jesus Christ. You're confirming a lot of fear that I have. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it does reach a point where you're just sort of like you get accustomed to certain things because that's part of it. They talk about you have your normal flora and fauna inside your gut bacteria, right? Jesus. That's probably changes over time based on your diet. Okay. What?

It's gotta. I feel like you talk about flora and fauna more than anyone I know. It's the new frontier of health. It's a big deal in the health world. Oh, for sure. No, I know. Nick just brings it up quite a bit. I'm sorry for dispensing information on this podcast, Mitch.

You have any more stories about being fucked by an animal as a child? Everybody goes for dolphins. I was really into zoo sexuals when I was in high school. I thought that was really interesting. Oh, wow. And a lot of people wrote books about their experiences with relationships with animals and they're always dolphins. Wow.

And that probably explains why. Yeah. I think there is some sort of connection or something like that. Yeah. One guy broke up with the dolphin because she always wanted to fuck and he didn't always want to. Jesus Christ. What the fuck?

What the hell is going on? He wrote a book about it. You know what? Now I am confused by you kids. Yeah. This was a grown man. Nick, what animal would you like to fuck of all the animals in the animal kingdom? Can I say is Centaur an option?

Yes. But also you said it very quickly. But I guess I know why. I would know. I feel like I go with something with some sort of human form like Centaur or Mer person. Okay. Right? And that's a cop out.

If you made me say a straight up animal. You never see lady Centaurs almost ever, right? Yeah. Don't they have a different name? Did you call it a lady Centaur or something else? I feel like I've never even seen a drawing of that. Of a... Not like there's another option.

Like I... Like a drawing of a lady Centaur. I said that like you could see a real one. I bet you could find one. I bet you I can find one online. I bet you there's one. There's definitely... There are lady Centaurs out there, right?

Yeah. I think if you typed in lady Centaur you'd get a few hits on Google. I think a few things would come up on DVNR. Check your search history and see if it's in there. So a Centaur or Mer person? Yeah. Okay. I don't know.

I mean, what... I guess have I had to give a real animal... I don't even know where I'd go. Like a shaved ape? Like what... I still... I'm trying to make things human. Shaved?

You have to shave it first. Right. What would yours be? Would it be dolphins? Yeah. I already did it. It's already... I already knocked it off.

So it was dolphins. What are we... Well, I was going to say in LA you have the opportunity. There are so many like vegetarian restaurants that are kind of like crazy that you can go to. Yes. Yeah. You can eat pretty well as a vegan. Is that a...

I haven't been there because that's the other thing. I've never had Mexican food. Oh, wow. I've never had Mexican food. But that's whole cuisines. I've never had. Wow. That...

You... You would like... I think you should go to Gracia's Madre, right? That's like... I don't know if that's... Is that vegan or just vegetarian? I think it's vegan. I think it's like super vegan.

There you go. That's perfect. I know. Yeah. Get out there. But what is the reason... Like what is the reason behind that? Are you just like...

Do you not care that much about food? Are you just like super picky about what you eat? Like what do you think is the reason that you've had so few culinary adventures? I feel like it's a combination. It's like I don't care about it. And then if it's in front of me, I'm afraid of it. Right. I'm nervous about textures being weird.

Got it. I don't know. Yeah, but... Textures are... Textures are... Like for me... I mean like sushi or something when I was younger always kind of freaked me out. And that was like a texture thing.

If things are like rubbery or... Yeah. Because that's a texture that's not as common in American food. Like soft. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. So, but what is your...

Okay. As a picky eater, what is like your favorite food? What do you like to eat or what do you eat frequently? I eat just like very bland things. Like I'm atoning for something all the time. I don't know why. Like I eat the same bland foods every day. Right.

Like avocado toast is some meal every day. And that's just avocado and bread. There's no flavor there. Also a great city. There's like I feel like a hundred good avocado toasts. I know. I'll pay like ten dollars for it. It's great.

Yeah. It's great. Okay. That's funny. Do you eat like white rice and potatoes or anything? I would. You would. Okay.

No, it's really weird. You're open to it. I mean, I'm open to it. If I want to get crazy of some potatoes. I don't know. It's just like a weird... My biggest fear food is mushrooms, like texture wise. Oh, wow.

I also... I'm not... You know, we talk about food that we wouldn't eat. Mushrooms are not my favorite food. I just don't... They're rubbery, like you said. Especially if you don't get great, like well-cooked mushrooms. I like...

I'll eat them in like in a sauce or something, but I don't even like mushrooms on pizza. Yeah. I like... You love them? I'm just... Your buddy Mario is going to be very disappointed in you. Oh my God. I know how much you love Super Mario.

Yeah, but does Mario eat mushrooms out of... Because he loves the tasers out of necessity, so he grows bigger. I always interpret it as a Popeye spinach sort of association where like he eats it. Like he knows that it has a positive quality for him, but he's developed a positive situation as a result. A positive association as a result. When you think about the man who does the voice for Mario, what's his name? Oh yeah, no I know who you're talking about.

Charles Martinet. Charles Martinet. Yes. When you think about that Charles Martinet, when he says all the food he likes, he says pizza and stuff like that. He doesn't say mushrooms. Oh, but you're talking about like he had like a voiceover reel that he released where he was doing some Mario...

He was doing some Mario like one-offs. Yes, but when Mario falls asleep he like talks about lasagna and stuff. Well, he was just sort of riffing. He's Italian. Yeah, I'm saying like he never talks about like loving to eat mushrooms. Yeah, well you can have some mushrooms and some... And also does he eat them or does he just touch them and become big? I didn't realize he was eating them.

Yeah. So sometimes they make him small. Yeah. Nick? Well look, if you're talking about the poison mushroom and the Japanese Super Mario Brothers two released domestically is Super Mario the Lost Levels, I think like yes, that does happen sometimes. There are the mushrooms that reduce Mario's size.

I guess it's more of a contact. It's a Mario Kart thing too, don't forget. Yeah, it's more like you hit and then it makes you go faster in Mario Kart. So yes, you're right, it's more of a contact thing. No, there's a poisonous mushrooms that in Mario Kart that peach and toad drop. Oh, okay. That make you small. I know what you're talking about.

Yes. I always think of the smalling, the... What's the word for smalling something? Like reducing? Debigging? Debigging? I always think of the debigging in Mario Kart as coming from the lightning bolt, but you're right, there is the poison mushroom.

There is the poison mushroom as well. Okay. And you just touch that. It's not like you eat that mushroom. No, that's true. You're right. I think it's closer to a contact high than an actual consumption, so I should retract what I'm saying.

I'm sorry I went on this fucking dumb Super Mario tangent. Why are you sorry? I think that this is the most interesting thing we've ever talked about on the podcast. And it's a thing that people don't think about. Does Mario eat... I don't think he eats... Does he eat the mushrooms? I think our listeners may have some opinions on this.

If Mario eats the mushrooms, hashtag... Mushmouth. Oh, Jesus Christ. And if he doesn't eat the mushrooms, hashtag... Mushroom French. And Dylan is still with us, which is good. I left. That would be good if you left.

So, this brings up the place, the restaurant that we went to today. I was like, oh, she must love Jamba Juice. Right. Turns out, have you ever... You've never been? I don't know. You've never been to Jamba Juice before. I thought you'd been to Jamba Juice.

I think I've probably been inside of one before, but I don't know. I thought, like, this is something to talk about, and it was completely not. Wildly neutral. That's very... I for sure thought I was like, oh, you must have, like, you must like Jamba Juice. Oh. No. I didn't like it.

Yes. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. We'll get into that. Do you like juice in the abstract? Yes. Do you like smoothies? Yes. Okay.

All right. Me too. What are your top juices? I don't know. Like, when I go, I'll just get, like, a bunch of vegetables and some apple. Like, it's a great, healthy thing. So, just, like, you'll just go to a juice bar and just whatever they got on the menu, just sort of put something in there.

Right. Which is what I tried to do at Jamba Juice today, and it was... Sorry, we'll get into that. Do you drink, like, bottled orange juice or bottled grape juice or anything? I don't usually go for that. Okay. But I could see... I mean, I've had those, like, nature...

What are they called? They're, like, smoothies-ish in a thing. You can give them, like, any grocery store. Oh, I know what you mean. Yeah. The green one? Yeah. I don't like that one.

Okay, yeah, yeah. I don't know. They're just very sugary. Right. I don't know. Well, yeah. I mean, I think... I feel like Jamba Juice is...

I mean, I went with... Should we start talking about... Yeah, let's get into it. I love smoothies. And in LA, you can get a lot of great smoothies. I feel like you can get a great smoothie and great... Like, there's a bunch of pressed juice places more than anything. There's a place called Juice, right?

Yeah. There's a lot of juice... There's a lot of juiceries. I'm not much of a juice man. You're not? Okay. I'm not a real juicer, but I know there's a lot of juice options. Yeah.

Which are, like, the vegetable juices with, like, you know, like... There'll be, like, one apple and then, like, celery and kale and everything like that. Right. You know, I enjoy those. I feel like it's a way of being, like, semi-health. It's, like, a good breakfast replacement or something like that. I think they're fine, but I always feel like... I always buy into...

You're just... It's just... If you're talking from a health perspective, you should just eat the fruit, because that's going to be healthier than drinking a juice from or drinking out of fiber and everything. But they do say that... Eat vegetable... Oh, I'm sorry. Eat fruit and then drink vegetables.

Yeah. That's the best way... Is that true? That's what I've heard. Why? Some doctor told me. And if you don't believe that, then stop listening to the show, because that's the most real I've ever been.

Some doctor told me... Which doctor? Uh... Dr. Greenthumb. Dr. Greenthumb from the Cyprus Hillsong? Oh, I forgot you're old and we get that reference. Dylan doesn't get that reference. I left again.

Yeah, I've heard that it's better to eat fruits and then drink... If you're going to have something pressed, you press your vegetables. I feel like a salad or some steamed broccoli. You're talking about the roughage here. That's healthy to eat, right? Yeah. It's healthy to eat asparagus or kale. You don't need to whip that up into a shake.

I think it's just that it can be tougher in your stomach some vegetables, so I think that's a part of it. The argument for juice is that it's pre-chewed. It's already kind of digested. Yes. That's why people do it. I don't know. Then you're not with the juice, you're not getting the parts of the fruit

that are better for you, right? Basically, you're like the skin and the... That's my understanding. Yes. And again, I'm an armchair nutritionist. I don't really know what I'm talking about, but... Oh, you're not a regular nutritionist? I'm a hobbyist.

I'm not trained. I don't have a degree in anything. I didn't finish college. Dumbass. That's one thing you have up on me. You finished college. I didn't finish college. Which basically just shows that college does not matter.

You're doing very well for yourself. If you fill out a form, you can put a college degree. I have to put some college. Wow. So there you go. I think it just tweeted about how I was on love. And I was like, I want to tweet back like, fuck off. You should.

That'd be very funny. That must have been really satisfying, though. That the college said that? Yeah. Yeah, a little bit, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. But yeah.

No, maybe not. Maybe not even that. A little bit satisfying. I didn't finish high school. Wow, really? You didn't finish high school? No. Do you have your GED?

I got it later. Hey, there you go. Good for you. Did you drop out for work reasons or was it...? I just was flunking out. Wow, okay. Yeah. And then I was like, I'm going to be an actor.

Yeah. Which is the best thing to do in that scenario. Yeah. That worked out well for you. It worked out. Everybody should try it. Anyone listening in high school, drop out. I can get behind the anti-college stance, but if you're listening out there, finish

that homework. Finish that high school up. I'm on a podcast now. Yeah, exactly. That's true. You can listen to the cool kid who's telling you to drop out of school. Don't listen to grandpa over here telling you to do your homework. Here's the deal, kids.

Every one of you who listens to the podcast, if you graduate from high school, you can be a guest on your podcast. So I want to say that today, it was nice to get Jamba Juice after a fried chicken tournament. And do you think people would still listen to the podcast if it was about smoothies? It was mostly about healthy stuff? The smooth guys or something like that. None of it was called the smooth guys.

The smooth guys with Nick and Mitch. That sounds like a couple of weirdos with no body hair. Right? It's kind of true. No, it's like... Well, we are at low T. I think people are interested when we go on deviations and we talk about stuff that's healthy because most of the chain restaurants we discuss are, by their nature, pretty unhealthy.

I think people are receptive to it, but I don't think it was exclusively what we're saying. I mean, we're not healthy. We're trying to be healthy, but we're not in general like the most helpful guys, so we can't speak from a place of honesty about it. We're not the dumb bells. That's true. We can't talk about health and fitness in a very...

It was a nice change of pace. It was a nice change of pace. You're absolutely right. I can get very... I don't know if I've ever talked about this on the podcast. For you, someone who's not a food person, I wonder if you would feel the same way. Sometimes if I'm thirsty and I'm in the right mood for a very thirsty, which is the right mood for a drink, obviously, but I'm really craving something to drink.

Right. It can be the best feeling on earth. It can be better than any meal. Thirst quenching. Thirst quenching. If I truly quench my thirst, it can be better than any meal. If I really... Paul Rust, he told me one night when he went to the fridge and he was so thirsty and he

drank and he chugged cold water. It was the best feeling he had ever had on earth. It was better than any sex or food or anything. You don't mean any other experience beforehand. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like if you really have to pee and then you pee. Yes, for sure. I wonder if it is like that water is the basic need.

It's like that feeling of quenching your thirst is like, you saved yourself so this is going to feel better than anything before it. Is this weirding you out? No, it's not weird at all. I'm thinking about it. I can't think of a specific instance where I had just an undying thirst and then I got it quenched and it felt better. I actually did have a situation where I got hyponaturemia and I ended up in the ER.

What the hell? It's low salt in your blood, like a low sodium level. Oh, right. Which I didn't know was a thing, but I had a day I was in the sun all day and I was just drinking water so my nutrients were super depleted. My whole body just started cramping up. I was just getting cramps all over. Did you basically look like the gray ET in ET?

Yeah, I was kind of in a gray ET sort of mood. My buddy, Rick Meesey, took me to the ER because he could just visibly tell what I was just fucked up, took me to the ER and I went in there and I was the guy in the ER who everyone was looking at being like, is that guy okay? There were guys with wounds and sick kids and then everyone was looking at me because I was just like gnarled in the corner just like panting. Anything, any fluids I consumed, I just threw up immediately. I couldn't get any fluids into my body.

I couldn't get any nutrition. Did that have to be an IV? Yeah, but yes, the feeling when I finally got in there and they just gave me two like just giant, like the two liter bottle sized IVs of just saline and they just hooked them into my veins and once those started going through, it was like magic. I just instantly felt better. It was just so crazy. So yeah, I think that is probably the most instantly transformed I felt, but I think I

get what you're saying in the sense of just like the release of a good, of a beverage on a day when you're really thirsty. I think my part of it is I'm generally very hydrated. So I rarely relate, I'm really like, oh, I'm so thirsty. I'm more like, man, I'm just drinking all the time. I'm just, I've always got a beverage in my hand. You always have a beverage. That's true.

I got two right now. The beverage boy is a better name for you actually. Over the burger boy? Over the burger boy. You're more of a beverage boy. I do consume more beverages than burgers. When the saline was done, did you pour any Mountain Dew into the past? How did that happen?

It was seriously as simple as I was just sweating a bunch. I was just sweating because it was a super hot day. What's the problem? It was like mid-70s. It was a warm day in Southern California, Mitch. It gets hotter than the mid-70s. But no, it was in the blazing sun and I was just like sweating a bunch. I was just like, oh, water will take care of this and I'd need a Gatorade or something.

Yeah, it was crazy. It was a crazy feeling. My godfather's son, Neil, Kylie, he came home from football practice and he collapsed on the back porch. My godmother had to feed him bananas to make his legs were all fucked up. She had to give him potassium. She fed him a couple of bananas. Within 15 minutes, he got up and was walking around again.

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, it's weird. The human body is funny. What's wrong with everybody's bodies? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, we're monsters.

This shit has probably never happened to you. I talked about how I had cellulite as some of my foot grew on a couple episodes ago, right? Right. Yeah, and we're gross. Is that like cellulite in your foot? It's like my foot just started to expand, basically like a water balloon and it was like, out of nowhere, it just started getting bigger and bigger.

I had to take my shoe off. Maybe, did I tell the story? I thought I did. I don't know. I mean, I've heard it, but I'm not sure if you told them. I was in high school at North, and yeah, my foot just started getting bigger and bigger. I like took my shoe off in class, and then it was just like big, and I couldn't get my shoe back on.

And I went to the doctor. I had cellulite, and I had to get an IV, too, myself. I think they just gave me antibiotics or something. You know what? You've been a vegan for most of your life, and it seems like you're doing great. I'm very anemic. Oh, really? Oh, sure.

Okay. I feel terrible all the time. But my foot's never, that's never happened to me. Well, yeah. A person's foot shouldn't explode. Did it just go down? It just went down. Yes.

It just kind of went back to normal. It was like Mario when he touches, or he doesn't eat, when he touches the power balloon. Right. Oh, yeah. And he gets all inflated in Super Mario World and he flits around. Yeah. He gets all inflated. It was like that with my foot.

Yeah. All that extra fluid and everything that was taking up space in your foot just went right back into your ass. So you're saying that, and so during it, like my ass was very thin? Yeah. It got all sunken in like a balloon, like a deflated balloon, and then it powered right back up. So there must be challenges with eating with being vegan.

I didn't think of that. Well, it helps to be really picky, so like I don't have to really sacrifice anything. That makes sense. Yeah. I see you end up at like a, I don't know how often you end up at a Denny's or something, but if you do end up at a chain restaurant or fast food place, like what is your go-to order? What do you do?

Oh man. I mean, I guess you go for sides. You go for like, you know, do you have whatever, a side salad, and then people are like, oh, is that enough? And like you have to like make everybody feel good, and then you eat something else later. So you just never want to probably eat, right? You never want to eat fast food, probably ever, right? But I live in L.A., so like you can just go next across the street and get something

with quinoa. Yeah. Well, I guess there are like veggie burger, like fat burger has like a veggie burger. There's some places that have veggie burger. But that's the other problem. I don't like fake meat. So that also cuts down like every option I could have. I can see that though, because some of that fake meat, like when I eat vegetarian food,

I'd rather just get like an Indian vegetarian restaurant, just like their vegetarian dishes where they're not trying to make a fake protein versus the one where it's just like, we got this veggie BLT where we've got this, this soy bacon. Yeah. I'm just like, instead of simulating a better version of something, I just rather have like the real vegetarian thing that's always been vegetarian. You know what I mean? Yeah.

That's exactly how I feel. Yeah. It's like the only places that I've had that I've enjoyed vegetarian meals, because every other place it's like, like when I first came out to L.A. and someone was like, this place is like an awesome vegetarian place and then it would be fake meat and I would like hate it. Yeah. Right.

The only places that I've liked are Veggie Grill. And then just like, like you're saying, like Indian vegetarian food. Yeah. And then the last one, I had another one. Oh, the Gracious Madres, those are like the three places ever that I like it. Like a place that's like fake meat is discussing. It's so gross. It really is.

I know, no matter how often people say it's like when they're like, this is really good, though, I'm always like, this sucks. Like every time I eat it, I always think it sucks. And I don't know why. Like, like, I don't know if it's a seasoning or whatever, because it's stuff that like it's tempeh and stuff. Right. Isn't it like tempeh or satin?

Yeah. Yeah. I don't like it. Yeah. Maybe I just don't like those two things. The tempeh. It's like, what is it? Like textured wheat protein or something.

Yeah. Sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I've had some stuff that's okay, but in general, it's a, I see that soy, I'm like, soya later. You say soya later.

I say soya later and then they make me leave the restaurant. Well, they're doing their job well. So do you, do you drink a lot of smoothies outside of- Yes. Well, I have a Vitamix, which is the- Okay. Oh, that's fun. The fancy blender.

Yes. And I have a smoothie every day. Oh, okay. Is that like your regular breakfast? It's my breakfast. Oh, there you go. Yeah. You have some protein in there because I'm not getting it anywhere else.

Right. And some kale. Call it a breakfast. So what, what, what, what, what usually do you just have frozen fruit that you toss in there? Yeah. Frozen fruit, some almond butter. It's like a nice breakfast.

That's a great breakfast. Yeah. Do you have any bagged frozen fruit or do you- I do, which people say isn't good for you. Right. But I like how it's already frozen. Yeah. I don't know.

No, I think that's like, you can only do so much for God's sake, right? Like a, I feel like that's still pretty decent. There's still blueberries. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I think that's the sort of thing of just like you, there's only so much you can do unless you just want to make your whole life eating healthful food, unless you just want to dedicate your existence to that, that you have to take some short, take some shortcuts at some point, right? Yes. I agree. So, so, and so you have, you don't even take a shortcut with Jamba Juice, you barely go to this place.

I've never, I don't think I'd ever had anything besides today. I just picked it. I don't know. I was like, there's going to be a ton to talk about and there was just absolute- That's very, very, very funny. I have no thoughts about it. Because there are fruit fly bothering you? There's either, there's a little bug around here.

We got a bug attack. Bug main. I'm getting, oh, you think bug mains are- Bug main unleashed, probably put it through my mail slot, probably unleashed a bag of bugs into the house. Like how Batman sometimes has bats at his disposal, same sort of situation. Squirrel girl with her squirrels. Bug mains dispensing his bugs.

Why don't you bring a squirrel girl second? Isn't that, isn't that a character? Yeah, I mean, but yes, but like, couldn't you say anyone, is there anyone out, well- Can you think of another one? A spider man doesn't have spiders. Right. Is squirrel girl a Batman thing? I think she's a Marvel character, right?

She's like kind of a- Right. I have no, I have no idea. I don't know. I've heard, I've heard of Marvel before. I've heard of Squirrel Girl before. I think the Marvel context. Like with Squirrel Girl at some point that we all pretend to be excited to go see.

They're making everything. Cause that's the thing that bugs me with superhero movies that people are just like, yes, like Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes. I'm like, you didn't like Guardians of the Galaxy before this. You know what I mean? Like before it was a movie. Like you didn't care.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not yelling at you. You're yelling at me. You are. You really weren't directing it. Right at Dylan. I liked it. Lay off, Mitch. We'll take a quick break while we're right back with more dough boys.

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Do you like to cruise around town? Yeah, I like to cruise. Yeah, but sometimes you just not want to drive. Oh man. Let me tell you, driving to the city can drive you nuts. You certainly can. You know about Lyft though, right? Oh, I know about Lyft.

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That's promo code DOBOYS and your promo code DOBOYS. All right, Jamba Juice. So your first experience then today, Dylan, you think, what did you end up getting? Okay, I got a veggie vitality juice with no chia seeds because chia seeds in drinks, that whole trend is really horrible to me. Right. I've never had it, but it reminded me like right now I'm catching all these fruit flies in my kitchen with like apple cider vinegar and a glass and there's like hundreds of them

at the bottom. If you're collecting them, there just happens to be an infestation. Yes, I'm trying to get rid of them. I'm not going to keep it. Bug main? That's what you could do. Did you say there's hundreds of them? Probably not.

I'm probably 17. But 17's a lot. That is a lot. And that's what that looks like, like chia seed drinks look like what they look like at the bottom. Oh, that's a weird association. I'm so sorry. But that's why I ordered it without chia seeds.

Right. I didn't like it. You didn't like it at all? No, I really didn't. It was very pulpy. I don't know if you're finding that with yours. A little pulp. Not super pulpy.

But yeah, I've encountered some pulp. Yeah. You're not a pulp fan. Not a pulp fan. And it wasn't cheap. We've already talked about this. It's not. We talked a little bit about the podcast.

But we talked a little bit before the podcast, rather, about what we're going to discuss. And yeah, it's not cheap. And I think that's the thing about Jamba Juice. You know, I got a few different things. I was sampling and I got a larger than normal order. But I did spend $14. And I was like, that's more than I would spend on like a meal, like a legitimate meal from a place.

$13 just for a bowl and a juice and a little cheddar roll, which I got. It's just like, that seems pretty expensive. How much was yours? Just your drink. I got like a small juice. And I think it was like six or $7. Yeah, right? They're smaller.

And I mean, they're small is fine. They're not like tiny. They're like a decent size. But it's still a lot of money to spend for a small thing. It seems like it should be really cheap there. Like when you walk in, right? Right. It always seems like it's at the airport.

Like, I don't know. No, I agree. It isn't that Cinnabon, Wetzel's pretzels sort of cat kind of like class of, you'll see it at kiosks and at airports. They, they tried to like, well, here's the thing. Yeah. What we were going to talk about is that how healthy are these Jamba Juice smoothies? And then I feel like they like try to like make a push of like, we're going to have like

healthy options. And when you go into a Jamba Juice, like it should feel like that, like there was like the wheatgrass growing for a while. They try to make it feel like kind of like a healthy establishment. But yes, I just feel like they, yeah, it's, it's hard to tell. Whether they care. All of them like, I'm now confused as to why Jamba Juice is still even open. No one was in there when I was there.

It was my visit. I just feel like people maybe just get it for breakfast. Like a, like a, it's a, it's a breakfast alternative. Yeah. I think so. I think it seems like a part of it is it's the useful fiction. Like it's a lie. You can lie to yourself that it's healthy when it's, but it's not actually that healthy.

And so I think there might be some people who are just sort of like, I want something sweet, but I don't want to just go to Baskin Robbins. Oh, I'll go to Jamba Juice. Oh, that's fine. That's better. It's the same sort of way that people, I think rationalize getting a Starbucks, you know, like Frappuccino, which is essentially a milkshake. Like nutritionally, that's the same as getting a milkshake for getting a Wendy's Frosty.

But, you know, an adult isn't just going to get a Wendy's Frosty in the middle of their work day, but they might justify doing it at Starbucks. I think it's the same sort of thing at Jamba Juice. It's kind of a marketing triumph in terms of marketing something sweet as nutritious. But I think there was a time in the 90s when people thought, oh, this is healthy. Like that was like when that whole juicing craze was going on. And that's when Jamba Juice was at its peak, I believe, or at least was growing a lot, is that when people were, people perceived it as a super healthy thing to do.

And I remember there used to be a bunch of late night infomercials for juicing machines. That was a big thing. Like it was like Jack Lilane was trying to sell juicers. It was just like, you remember Jack Lilane, the super fit guy Mitch? Of course, yeah, the old man. He was kind of like the old jacked guy. He was the Jack Palance's Jack Palance. He was just like the guy who was just, as jacked as Jack Palance was, he was the guy

who took it up another level and was famous just for being fit and old. Is he not doing that? Is he dead? I think he died, yeah. I think both of them died. Is he dead? I wouldn't be surprised if he still even was alive. I think Palance died.

I just feel like recently he like swam in the ocean or something. We were all excited about it. Lilane? Yeah. Maybe Lilane is still with us. He could have. Either he swam in the ocean or they just tossed his body. He just had like a Viking funeral.

Lilane died in 2011. Rest in peace. Swimming. He died while swimming in the ocean. He was attacked by, he was eaten by a shark. Are they going to say horny dolphins? Well, if I was a funny man, that could do a call back. Right.

Instead of I said shark. Oh, no wonder why I don't perform anymore. Yeah, I feel like it was like a, like a very, I feel like it's a health conscious. Right. A health conscious place. Like a, like it's still, it's still is, right? Like a. I agree that they're selling the fantasy.

They are. It's like that's a big part of it. A shot of wheatgrass is a shot of wheatgrass. No matter, no matter what way you, and they do do that. Right. I just, I just don't think that's what their bread and butter is. No, for sure. I mean, like there, there, there are the old, like the all natural smoothies, which was

a thing that I feel like was like a push that they, they had. I feel like at one point they didn't have the, like just the only fruit, like where they just would only blend fruit. Cause I feel like every smoothie has, like every normal smoothie has like kind of like. They have a lot more veggies in there. Like yogurt or something. Right. Oh yeah.

And there's some that are a mix of, of, of veggies and fruit. Yeah. But I, but are they all natural? Uh, I don't know. I mean, my, my guess is still no, but up there, there are, there are some smoothies that are like strictly fruit smoothies, like a whole, like, like all fruit smoothies is what they're called, which is just like, they only put fruit in there. So.

Um, I gotta say. Yeah. Which was apple, apple, kale, banana, mango, strawberry and peach. And this is what actually I've still been working on this. I got this like an hour and a half ago and I'm still, I'm only about halfway done. I've just been sort of, I gotta say that it doesn't look good. Uh, it's, you know, it's kind of changed color over time. Like an avocado that's just been left out.

It looks like the green moss that Stephen King gets covered in and creep show. Yeah. That, that was, I think that was my first thought. I think when, when, when she handed me the cup, I was like, that's just like that green moss. And then she finished my sentence that Stephen King gets covered in creep show. Yeah. I know six dollars.

Um, I want to also just quickly say that I looked up the all, uh, fruit smoothies. Uh-huh. They use real whole fruit. Okay. But then also apple, strawberry, juice blend, which I'm like, well, what the fuck is that? Can you look, are you looking at ingredients because I was looking at their menu today and there was like a veggie fruit one that was like beet related. Yes.

The description of the thing was like red vegetable juice. Fruit and veggie smoothies. And I saw this just a minute ago. Red vegetable juice. Which red vegetables? The berry upbeat smoothie is blueberries, mango, strawberries. A blend of blueberries, strawberries, mixed berry juice blend, red vegetable juice blend. Yeah.

That sounds suspicious. That's really suspicious. It says carrots, beets, broccoli, spinach, kale, lettuce, mangoes, ice. But then also who knows what else is in that? I mean, like a, it's, it's, it's kind of hard to tell. But Dylan's ready to point out that like just in isolation, red vegetable juice blend sounds so like it's so unclear. They're calling it a beet smoothie.

Right. I will say this. It says non-dairy, vegan, non-gluten, no artificial preservatives, no artificial flavors, no high fructose corn syrup and no trans fats. But that's the absence. What's in it? I have no idea. Little mysteries, little Jamba Juice mysteries.

They work them in there. So yeah, I got the, the apple and green smoothie. It's kind of all apple flavor. Yeah. Like I was, I'm basically just, it says it as banana, mango, strawberry, peach, all these different flavors in there. I'm really just getting apple. It's so apple dominant.

If you handed it to me and just said like, this is a tart apple smoothie, that's what I would think it was. The other ones just don't come through at all. But you know, it's pretty good. I like the strong green color, at least when it, when it came out originally, not maybe to the point where it's aged at where it is right now. But it's tart and tasty and just very, very apple forward. So if I was going to get it, I wouldn't expect all those other flavors that it's listed.

I also got this chunky strawberry energy bowl, which I guess is one of their meals. They don't have a lot of food there. But it was basically like a, you know, like a cereal bowl sized portion that had strawberry, banana, peanut butter, soy milk, Greek yogurt and granola. It was very soupy. Like it, like just, like there just wasn't very much granola. It was more of a granola topping than kind of, you know, I expected there to be more of a granola, just a, just a granular cereal component that was really like binding it

all together. But there was just like a little bit dusted in there. I really like the peanut butter when it came through, but it was just so soupy that even though the fruit was fresh, I just feel like it needed less of that soy milk, less of that Greek yogurt, because it was just like eating a, it was just like eating a weird thick bowl of cereal. And I don't know, like I feel like if I was going to get something like that, I'd either want it to have like a yogurt texture or just a cereal texture, not this kind of in-between

where it was kind of like melted frozen yogurt is kind of what it tasted like to me. Yeah. But again, the peanut butter that came through was pretty good and the fruit was pretty decent. And then I also got one of their few savory options, the jalapeno cheddar roll, which is basically exactly as it sounds. It was just like a dinner roll sized little, like savory muffin with jalapeno and cheddar on it. And they warmed it up, but it was just so dry and stale and just there wasn't a lot of flavor

to it. I guess like there's so much sweetness there that maybe you want something savory to sort of counterbalance it. But I don't know, this was like $2 and it felt like like the lowest of the low end Starbucks pastries. He's going there for that. Yeah, exactly. It's just kind of like, why are they even offering it?

It was just sort of confusingly laid out in the counter. I was just like, oh, I guess I'll try one of these in the interest of science. Yeah, it's not really what they should. I feel like it would be addition by subtraction if they just didn't have those options there at all. Yeah, I just wonder how they're doing that. Like I wonder how Jamba juices do. It's really, I mean, apparently they're thriving worldwide.

They have like 800 locations. I mean, I guess people always do like this. Maybe sometimes they are just going like for a frosty. You know what I mean? Right. That's what they want to, and it doesn't make you feel as bad because there are some actual, there is some actual fruit in there. I think also too, kind of like what Dylan hit on earlier, maybe part of their business

where you see them will crop up in like airports where there just aren't any good options. And maybe if you're just sort of looking around and you're like, fuck, am I going to get an anti-ans pretzel? Am I going to get a fucking, you know, am I going to get a fucking panini from the coffee bean? I guess I'll get a smoothie from Jamba juice. Like that's probably the best of these options. Maybe that's part of it.

It doesn't hurt my stomach, you know, traveling or something. You're like, I can drink a smoothie and like my stomach won't ache. No. No rumblies here. No rumblies. Yeah, absolutely. What did you get, Mitch? I got, so I went to the trainer at 10 a.m. with a friend of the podcast, Mookie.

Hey. Mookie's my clock. Yeah. Love Mookie. For you, Mitch. I didn't have any money. So I asked Mookie to lend me money and then Mookie said, I'll come with you. So me and Mookie went together.

Your checking account isn't empty. You just didn't have your wallet with you. I just didn't have my wallet. Okay. All right. And so Mookie and I, we went over to the, the Jambuja split by Ink Lendale. Okay. And we got, we got, we got one thing that we split.

We were going to do that. We were looking at that pretzel. We were looking at a couple of different things, but I kind of knew what was going to happen to you, I got. I knew it was going to be bad. So we got a bowl like you did. And how do you say the Pitya bowls? Pitya?

Yes. Dragon fruit. Pitya. How about that? I'm familiar with this culture of bowls. All right. Yes. And it feels, no, it feels like they are trying to steal that culture.

Oh yeah. Like they're doing like the cheap bowl version of it. Yes. Right. So it's a Pitya bowl. What is, what is Pitya? It's dragon fruit. Dragon fruit.

And what did, have you had dragon fruit? What does that taste like? I have. It's good. It's like a sweeter asaii. Melanie family thing. Okay. Yes.

And it was dark purple. The look of like the bottom of the bowl. Really? Yes. I'll show you a picture. They're supposed to be like, yeah, like that color. Okay. Which is, I don't know.

That's the picture from the menu. That's the picture. No, no. This is what it looks like. Yes. Right. And so this Pitya bowl. Is that right?

Yes. Everything on there was good. Like there was bananas and strawberries and coconut flakes and granola. And I was like, the big issue was that it was, the fruit was like, you could tell that some of the fruit was frozen. And there were blueberries and stuff too. And it was like, oh, so they just kind of use the fruit that they use in the smoothies. It's just like it's very cold.

But that didn't bother me because like that with the granola was good. My issue came, yeah, there was mangoes and blueberries as well. My issue came with the Pitya, I guess, which was like just kind of goopy. And like that felt like the most like, like it didn't feel real. It felt like a fake. You're showing us the picture again for some reason. Why are you doing that? Because I'm showing you what I didn't like.

Okay. This purple goop on the bottom. Got, oh, I see what you're saying. If they had put like Greek yogurt or something in there. Right. That substance, it kind of looks like a, It looks like a smoothie. It looks like a smoothie.

Yeah. But it's kind of like a grape jelly color, I'd say. Yes. Okay. Like a kid's grape. Right, right. It's in, like the bowl was like 500 calories. And I'm like, well, these, there's just like fruit and granola.

Right. So where is this 500 calories coming from? Just so much sugar. And I was like, it had to be, it has to be that base, right? It has to be the Pitya base. That's just like a fruit. They're putting something else in there. They're putting something else in the mix for sure.

And that's in that. And that's in like, in Mookie and I both were just like, we didn't, we, we ate basically the granola and the fruit on top. And if they just done like a Greek yogurt or something, and maybe that's just too hard to do, maybe it's too expensive. I don't know what the deal is, but it, it, it, it, that would have been so much better to just have like a Greek yogurt bowl. So you're not into the smoothie bowl concept at all.

Like both of you, I mean, like, are you familiar with it? Like, is that something you've explored with the smoothie bowl? Yeah. Or like an SAE bowl. Yes. I mean, I've never, I've never done it, but also I feel like they're doing, like how they do the fake version of smoothies. This, this, this base was also fake.

Runny isn't something you want to hear about it. Yeah. That's what it, it felt off to me. So it's good to hear from someone who's more familiar with it. I did not know about smoothie. This is truly. I like it. Smoothie bowls.

This is the first time I've ever heard smoothie bowl. Well, if you get it thick enough, it's kind of like a nice texture ice cream kind of thing. Okay. Between smoothie and ice cream. And probably when they're done right, they're much healthier and taste better, I'm sure, than. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And the, and Mitch, you just, you mentioned you were talking about, so I looked it up while you were talking the calories in your bowl. So the island. 470 maybe?

Yeah. Island pitaya. Pitaya. Am I saying that right? Pitaya. The island pitaya bowl. Well, I pity you if you're eating this for nutritional value, because you got 100 grams of carbohydrates,

including 70 grams of sugar. Yeah. Mitch, that's a 70. 70 grams of sugar. Yeah. 470 calories, but you're getting 12% of your daily, or I'm sorry, 33% of your daily carbs just from this one bowl. And almost all that is seven tenths of it is sugar, 70% of it.

Well, Nick, I'll make it happy. Yeah. We only ate the top. We threw away the, we threw away the goop. I think that was the right move. Cause I, and the chunky strawberry bowl, which I got 590 calories. Wow. That's like, I feel like at that's the point where I'd rather just get a western bacon

cheeseburger. It's just so, this is so unhealthy under the guise of something healthful. And again, you know, 96 grams of carbs, 58 grams of sugar. It's just so, so loaded with elements that are unhealthy. The apple and green smoothie, which I looked up, which was the one I got, is mildly better, but it's still got 45 grams of sugar. That feels like a lot, right? That's a lot of sugar.

That's a lot of sugar. And well, now I'll tell you what else I got. And it probably was not great for me. I'm sure it wasn't. I know it isn't. By the way, why are, do you work for Jamba Juice? Because there's a section of the menu called tasty bites. I may have done some freelance marketing consulting for the Jamba Juice Corporation.

I went with a classic strawberries wild smoothie, which is like maybe the one that people get the most, I would say, right? It's, it's up there. I think it's like the first on the menu. And the strawberries wild for those who have never had it before is basically bananas and strawberries and then an apple, strawberry juice blend. And they mixed up with ice and non-fat frozen yogurt. It's good.

And I will say that after, after working out, it was, it was like, it quenched my, like they was quenching my thirst and it was just really hitting the spot. Right. And it is good. I feel like that, that smoothie, they do a good job with it. Like that to me is maybe their star. But I'm just looking at it right now in the large. I got a big one.

Yeah. That's 37% of your carbohydrates. Geez, man. So like, and, and there's some fiber in there. But then what is the sugar? I don't even want to look at what the sugar is. 97 grams of sugar. It just sounds anytime.

I feel like when you're up in those kind of numbers and I, you know, I don't know off the top of my head how much sugar you're supposed to be getting a day. But I know if you're doing like a really strict, like low carb diet, they're saying like, don't get like have more than 30 carbs per like period, like 30 grams of carbs period. So if you're having like, you're tripling that just in sugar alone, that feels like it's not great for your metabolism. The bugs are bugging me again. Yeah.

I'm sorry. There, there must be a lot of bugs. They're really into the smoothie. I keep seeing that. Yeah. I think that's part of it. It's like, it's luring them. Yeah.

Well, it's like grossly green. I mean, it looks like a bug smoothie. I should just get out of it. Just get out of here. No, I misspoke. I said it should get rid of that. But yeah, I should get out of here too. This isn't a good use of my time.

Why are we doing this? Why do we do this podcast, Mitch? I don't know. That's a good question. Mookie got like a berry smoothie that was insanely tart. It was just like super sweet and tart. That's kind of what I liked about this. I mentioned earlier, but I liked how tart it was.

Oh, really? I have a sweet tooth, but I like things that are, I get something that with some fruit, like a little tart character. Mookie's needed like a banana or something. It was, it was some berries. Just too tart. Yeah. It was, it was, it was really good.

I don't know. It was, it was, it was too tart, but I really liked my strawberries wild. Right. But is that enough? Does that make a restaurant? Well, we're going to find out. So let's get to our final thoughts on Jamba Juice. I just said Jamba Juice, which is maybe what we should call it.

Jamba? That's, yeah. Jam, that's like what, that feels like that's what your dad calls it. Let's go to, we're taking the kids to Jamba Juice. That might be right. It might be right. Maybe it is. I honestly, I've never heard it allowed by an official corporate spokesperson.

Maybe it is Jamba Juice. It's definitely Jamba Juice. I feel like it would be, it should be Jamba Juice. It should be Jamba Juice. But maybe it is Jamba Juice. You can't just say maybe it is because you fucked up. I'm going to say, I'm going to say maybe it's Jamba Juice. We'll get to our final thoughts on Jamba, Jamba Juice, whatever it's called now.

So Dilla, this is how this will work. We'll each go around. We'll say our final, our final thoughts, our closing argument, if you will, and then give a rating on the order of one to five forks. We will start with you. Okay. I went to the one on Hollywood and Western and I thought it would be depressing and it was.

No one was there except for one point. A group of teens came in and I feel like there was only one table in a large space, which I thought was weird and it felt like they had been cleared out for an event of some kind. So I don't know. So maybe I was on a weird day and I had a very Apple forward juice as well. I'm going to give it one fork. Wow.

That is a pan. Yes. Oh boy. Okay. Were those teens up to no good? I think it must be a cool place to hang out after school. Maybe that's their business. No good teens.

No good teens. Yeah, they can't go to a bar yet and there's in the malt shop with a jukebox anymore, so they go to the Jamba Juice. There has to be a place near school that your crush is going to be at. It might be Jamba Juice. Maybe that's it. That's a good point. Maybe that's what it is.

You and I after high school, Mitch, we just go to Taco Bell. We'll go to Taco Bell by ourselves. Our crush was what was in the bag. Jamba Juice. I'll go, Nick. Go for it. You can wrap this one up. Jamba Juice, look, I appreciate even if it is fake, healthy.

Right. I appreciate a place that actually is at least kind of trying. And if I'm going to get a smoothie that's not like an actual LA smoothie, which I probably would just try to get something in LA that's local and decent. I'm going to go to Oaks Gourmet and get their smoothie before I'm going to go. Sure. Oaks Gourmet has a great breakfast burrito and stuff, but it's not my favorite restaurant. But I'm going to go there and get a smoothie before I go to Jamba Juice for sure.

Yeah. If you're in a major city, there are a lot of options. But if you're not in a major city, there may not be as many juiceries. Yeah. But if I'm near one and I'm in the mood for a smoothie, it checks that box. Sure. That strawberry's wild smoothie is good. And the idea of having a healthy smoothie is close.

I mean, it doesn't really do what you're looking for. But I don't know, right? If you order the right thing there, you can probably get pretty close to healthy. Yeah. Two forks. Oh, two forks. Okay. Two and a half forks.

I like that strawberry's wild. Yeah. I thought about Jamba. I don't know. Was the one you guys went to, did there was like weird art everywhere? Well, that's another thing about that place is yes, I feel like they don't, with the inside of their shop, I feel like they don't know what the hell they're even trying to do. It's an unclear decor.

I went to the same one you did, the one on Hollywood and Western. And yeah, it was the same sort of thing. There was just the one table and the art was a little bizarre. And then I actually sat at that table and it was, I don't know if you did, but it was super wobbly. Yes. Man, someone should have taken, this table needs to maintenance, guys. Get it to get to get one table.

Have your single table be steady. How long until that group of teens beat the shit out? I was actually kicked out for being near the teens. But like I'm saying art, but like, wasn't it just like stock photos of like a woman playing soccer? Yeah. I don't know. It was kind of like dental office art.

It was sort of like, what is this generic sort of things they've gotten from some stock photo site? But yeah, the atmosphere, it's not a great place to hang out at, I guess, unless you're no good teen. But the business is fine. I reached out to our friends, the Dumbbells, who do the sister podcast of ours. It's on a different network, but they have a health and fitness podcast that we've mentioned a number of times.

It's my favorite podcast. I don't know if you can just start telling me, but... Well, look, I just sort of reached out to them for a little bit of a POV, a health nuts POV, a jacked studs POV on Jamba Juice. And Ryan Stanger got back to me. And his perspective was there's small chain options that are better and more committed to health. I'm taking just chunks of what he's saying, what he said to me verbatim.

They built their popularity in hyper palatable smoothies that were filled with sugar and a little junky IMO. And by junky, he means not that he's a junkie for it, but like he's, it's junky like it's junk food. And I think that's a guiding light in terms of it portraying itself as a healthful place. I think it's a false flag. I think they're doing a Benghazi there. It's a false flag.

I'm saying Benghazi was a false flag. I'm going on the record Benghazi was a false flag. They're doing one of those because it's not actually healthful. And if I'm comparing it to a place that's going to give me a good, sweet treat, I'd rather go to a donut shop. I'd rather go to an ice cream parlor. I'd rather have a real indulgence versus this fake indulgence that's got this sort of a little bit of subterfuge on top of it to pretend like it's something that it's not.

The food was good. It was flavorful. It was tasty. I liked the small apple and green smoothie the best. I liked that it was called apple and greens because it reminded me of a food item that Nali and I used to get at this restaurant Pauli's called the avocado and friend sandwich, which I just had a great name. Avocado and friends.

That is nice. Avocado is hanging out with his buddies. So I liked it for that reason, but in general, it's not that healthy. Give me something that's just pure sweetness. Give me something that's just going to give me that sugar bomb. Give me a freaking Slurpee from 7-Eleven over the smoothie from Jamba Juice, Jamba Juice. I got to give it two forks. So not a good showing Jamba Juice.

Sorry, but you know, not a failure. I mean, like, it's fine. It serves a purpose. Like places that we've had that are like truly like I would go to Jamba Juice a billion times before I would go to caros, even a 100 percent meal. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Or some even some other places that that we've done that have been like shittier level. I also do think I think this is like this is where personal taste comes into play where like I don't think I'm not like a juice and smoothie guy. And I think if you are, then maybe that will satisfy that need. And then again, Dylan says she has a smoothie every day and has these bowls on the regular and this place sucks one fork. So who knows? All right.

It was a beverage boy name. If you're not, you're not, you're not really a beverage boy after all. But I am. I do like beverages. But I am the beverage boy. I am. I am beverage boy to catch on. All right.

That was Jamba Juice. It's time for a regular segment. We've got a food stuff. We're going to decide if you should put it in your mouth. It's snack or whack. So Dylan, we've got a favorite of yours, some nerds rope, a nerds rope. And you know what? I just looked up like the on the back of a nerds rope.

Nerds rope has less carbohydrates and less sugars than my Jamba Juice did today. Man, how about that? A nerds rope, which does it seems like I've never had a nerds rope before. But this is the kind of thing where, wow, this is this is crazy because I remember nerds candy. I've actually never had a nerds rope myself either. And I remember the candy is just like these little bits kind of similar to pop pop rocks together.

And this, this is like just that wrapped around like a Twizzler basically. Is that how you describe it? I think it's a Twizzler. Also, make sure you don't drop any of the nerds because my cats can't probably can't eat them. Sure. Yeah. I don't remember being like seven feet long.

Like it is. Yeah. This is huge. They're pretty long. It feels like it feels like a more goopy than a Twizzler. Let's see. I'm going to take a bite too. It's like I'm right back at while I'm buying it.

Mitch, I just dropped something. I just dropped. So many nerds on the floor. This is better than John Williams. I'm going to get down and grab one. Wow. This is fine. Okay.

It's very tart. They're very, very tart. Are you looking for the nerds? I thought, yeah, I heard one drop and then I don't know where it went. I'll vacuum over there. Yeah. You might want to know vacuum. Sorry, buddy.

Were you guys nerds people as kids? I actually did like the nerds candy. And that was actually one of my favorites is the little box that you could dump into your hand. Yeah. But the nerds rope I don't think was necessarily around when I was a kid. You were continuing to drop nerds on the floor. Am I dropping more?

I thought I was being careful. Okay, wait. I see this one. I got one. I got it. Well. Okay. I got it.

I'll have you take Wally and Irma to the corner with me if you have them. Mitch, the only time I'm going to the corner with Wally and Irma is to identify your corpse. That's the sweetest thing you've ever said. That's daddy. Daddy's sleeping now forever. Get his apartment now. Then what are you going to do with Wally and Irma? No.

They just get to live here. We'll pay their rent. We'll pay their rent with a Doe Boys Patreon. No. I would be so happy. But I get to have your switch. Yeah. This is good.

I mean, this is like the texture of it. I feel like I'd rather have regular nerds. Eating this, I forget how I eat. Do you just chew on nerds? You just pour them in your mouth and you chew on them? Yeah. You just sort of dump them in. They're like two flavors in the box and you can mix and match.

Yeah. They had that concept at a point, which is also what they had the Nintendo serial for a time. They had the divided box. But yeah. But yeah. It was basically just like this. It was just the little pellets.

But here they're kind of bound together by this rope-like substance, a nerd's rope, if you will. It actually works for me. It makes this a lot more snackable. If I was in a movie theater, this feels like I'd rather have this over regular nerds. It's a little fucked up that it says tear and share. God damn it. Because I think tearing is what's causing them to go on the floor.

Right. There's no way to tear it. I haven't teared it. There you go. Yeah. It comes apart to real mash. I'm sorry, Mitch. Fucking disaster.

You spill. You're a spiller. I do. I spill a lot. I like this. The rope is interesting. I wish the rope tasted better. Well, yeah.

There's not a lot of flavor to the rope period. Dylan, why did you like these so much as a youth? I have no idea because it's just fine. I couldn't tell you. I don't know. The chocolate is way better. Also, guys, don't get scared. I shouldn't have said that.

I don't think Wally and Irma will die if they eat it. I'm really worried that I'm going to be responsible for their death. I'll blame Nick no matter what. These are good. If my choices are snack or whack, which is what it always comes down to on this segment, I think this is a snack. If someone offered this to me in the right situation, I would eat this for sure. I'm enjoying it now.

I think this is a snack. How about you, Mitch? I'm going to go. It's very tart. My eyes are almost watering. You look like you just had some wasabi. It's a snack. It's fun.

I don't want to eat a lot of these. This is a gigantic portion. This is insane. I've also almost finished mine. No one else. The whole thing is less than one bite of a Jamba Juice thing. What would you say? I would say snack.

You would say snack as well. Snack as well. With a caution. With a little warning. A snack with a caution. Okay. Why are you upset that you can't hang yourself with this rope? Yeah, I don't think it would support my body weight.

Otherwise, it would be pretty fitting. To hang yourself with a nerd's rope? A nerd at the end of his rope hangs himself with nerd rope. It's a fun little headline. I don't really like the pity thing instead of fadaya. I really liked that a lot. God bless you. I didn't like it.

Fuck you, Mitch. That was Snack or Wack. Just like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Brad Stewart. Brad writes, this question is geared a little more towards Nick as he like myself is a creamsman. The other night my girlfriend brought home, look, I didn't write creamsman. Is that a thing on your podcast?

I've never said it before. I don't know where creamsman came from. What does that mean? I think we're going to get into a little context. The other night my girlfriend brought home a pint of Halo Top chocolate ice cream. Many of her friends have been raving and posting about it recently. Both of us are moderately health conscious and we're excited at the idea of a low calorie ice cream that dares to do the impossible parentheses actually taste good. We popped it open, each took a spoonful and quickly realized,

we had been duped. This Halo Top was more like a Play-Doh slop. It had a dry, sand-like texture and very little flavor. The following day I read more about this healthy ice cream craze. There are other brands out there, but Halo Top seems to be leading the pack. What are your thoughts on these kinds of ice cream? Dylan, I know you're a picky eater. You're very selective about what you put in your body,

but are you someone who have you tried any of these healthy ice creams or any healthy versions of? I have. Yes? I've tried Halo Top and I've tried Arctic Zero. Okay. I've had a lot of talk with Halo Top at work. Everybody loves it. I tried it. What he may not have done is you're supposed to let it sit for 15 minutes and then eat it.

Oh, interesting. Brad. So maybe read the thing. Yeah, RTFM, Brad. Read the label. Man. It was fine. It's fine though.

It's not like great. You can't expect it to be ice cream. Right, sure. It's just like water and flavoring. Is it vegan? RTFM? I don't, I think so, but maybe with like slightly not. Okay.

I don't know. What is RTFM? Yeah, RTFM, what? Read the fucking manual. Look, it's, he's a creamsman. Oh my God, you fucking. That's the creamsman's secret lingo. Jesus.

I don't want to join the creamsmen. We get that it means ice cream now at least. Right. Which I'm still not sure if it means ice cream. The creamsmen are like the kingsmen only like instead of doing spy missions, we just get our asses kicked. Yeah, I don't know. The creamsmen.

That's fucking disgusting. That sounds like the worst fucking college acapella group. The fucking creamsmen. God damn it. No one comes to their show. They sing and they like, they come while we sing. Too much come talk on this podcast. Yeah.

Anyways, creamsmen is gross. Yeah, creamsmen. Yeah, it's a gross. Brad, don't write that word again. But here's what I would say. I think Dylan has some good advice for you. But I also just like, when you're going to get ice cream, just go all the way. This is another dumbbell thing.

But like, you know, when they talk about just like, I feel like the idea of if you want something, I'm going to mischaracterize exactly what they're saying. Go to the source. Don't trust me for your second hand nutritional knowledge from the dumbbells. But like if you're craving something, just like get it. Like if you're going to have like this fake ice cream, I think you're probably going to have more of it and you're going to have it more often and you're going to convince yourself, oh, I can have this halo top like four times a week instead of just like maybe once a week

you go and you get that great ice cream from that parlor you love or that great store bought flavor you love in a pint form and you just have that. And that's your indulgence. Instead of having this, this fake version of it, I feel like it's just never going to scratch that itch in that same way. I don't know. What do you think, Mitch? I think that's fair.

But you're also a guy like you're trying to eat healthy and you're trying to be conscious of that. I mean, what is your plan as you're trying to navigate those waters? Because that's not an easy thing to do. I mean, I just don't eat ice cream. Right. Like I try to stay away from desserts and then I have like, like you were saying with those guys, like if I eat a dessert, I'll eat a dessert every, you know, on occasion.

Have you had any of those like low fat, healthy ice creams or low sugar ice cream? I feel like the most I've done is like, which is also is not good. It's like Ben and Jerry's Froyo, which is like still bad. But I try not to eat ice cream. I don't. I love ice cream like you, but I almost never eat ice cream. What's your dessert go to? I don't eat desserts that often.

You don't have a sweet tooth. I do. I have a sweet tooth. You know that I like, I hate that I like sodas, but I like sodas. Yeah. Liquid calories are the worst. Liquid calories. I have a sweet tooth with liquid calories more than anything, but I've tried to cut that

out a lot too, actually. In fact, there were two Gatorades in my fridge and I haven't been drinking. I cut out Gatorade and I just, this last week I got, in the last two weeks I've gotten like four Gatorades. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm mad at myself for doing that. But normally like, if I go out to dinner, I like to get a dessert a lot of the time. If I go out to like a nice dinner or something, but I just, normally I just want to eat, I

won't eat dessert. Like that's a dessert isn't a, is in a, is definitely not a daily thing that you have. Right. Yeah. I definitely, I mentioned before in the podcast, but growing up, we had ice cream for dessert every single night. That was just like a nightly thing. And sometimes we'd mix it up.

We'd have like pound cake, but there was always a dessert course after dinner. And I'm not saying course, like we're having fine dining at home, but there was always like we'd finish dinner and then like, Have a dessert. Yeah. Have a dessert. And that was like, I just grew up thinking that was what you were supposed to do. And it's so bad for your body.

And my parents got blessed if they were just like, you know, that was what they were used to too. But I think it habituated in me that like this, this need to have sweetness all the time that have kindly taken some time to grow out of. How about you Dylan? Are you, are you a big sweets fan? Do you have a favorite dessert? I'm not a dessert person.

Not at all. No. I just don't like anything that's nice or feels good. That's what I'm learning. But I was thinking about like, I grew up the same way. Yeah. And I think people maybe that still do that. This is a good alternative.

Oh, okay. Like maybe that's a good thing to do. I don't know. That weaned you off of it a little bit. Yeah. Yes. I mean, I wouldn't be opposed to getting something like this. It's just that sort of thing of like, like you were saying, maybe it leads you down the

path of like, like the same thing with Diet Coke or something and I want regular Coke. You know what I mean? Like maybe it's just not a good thing to, to be having that much of. I mean, if you're going to have it, you should have it as much as you would have ice cream. Right. Who knows? I mean, I just, I try not to do dessert ever. And if I'm at a restaurant, I still try not to do it, but it's kind of, I try to make

it a rare occasion. But the Halo Top Arctic Zero, their whole marketing is about binge eating, which I think is really weird. Oh, that is weird. They're like eat the whole pint because it's only a hundred calories or whatever. I don't know. I'm going to try it. Maybe that will be a snack or whack.

What is in this? There's only a hundred calories. It's a water and flavor. Oh, it's mostly, it's like just like a lot of ice texture. But is it, is it creamy? Halo Top is creamier, but it's still not ice cream. Yeah. Interesting.

I don't know about this. The Doe Boys are going to have to investigate this. Wow. What an exciting future episode. People are going to find out if we like Halo Top. Put a reminder in your Google calendar that Doe Boys are going to talk, tackle Halo Top at some point in the future. I don't think you guys are going to like it.

I don't think so either. I don't think so either. I think you're going to be looking for the cream. This guy, this guy. He's a creamer. Nick is a creamer. And you're, you're, I feel like you, you need that cream. Yeah.

I'm going to be looking for it. And when it's not there, I'm not going to be happy. What does that mean? I don't know. You'll see. You'll see. You'll all see. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email

us at doeboyspodcast at gmail.com. To get the Doe Boys double our weekly bonus episodes, subscribe at patreon.com. Dillon Galula, thank you so much for spending time with us. You're about to go to Austin for work. And do you have any food things you're going to be pursuing there? Things I can eat. I'm really afraid of like a whole food. Right.

Right. I don't know. I think tech. I think Austin is like the, cause that's the whole thing. They'll have such a big food city. You're going to be able to. Yeah. You'll have some options.

They'll be accommodating to a vegan. I feel like I got some good veggies down there too. You're going to be great. I'm afraid about the culture. Like there's like stands everywhere, like food stands or a thing. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

It's different. Austin is one of those places where I went and where I was like, oh, this is like one of the most different cities I've ever been to. Like it really is unique. I know. I'm like, that's what I'm afraid of. I'm like averse to things I'm not familiar with already. Good point.

Yeah. I feel the same way. You're at home here. That's us. That's what we're all about. Dillon, do you have anything you'd like to plug it this time? No. I love it.

I love it. That'll do it for this episode of Dull Boys. Until next time, for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating. See ya.