Doughboys - Kelly's Roast Beef with Jon Gabrus and Carl Tart (LIVE)

Episode Date: May 26, 2022

Jon Gabrus (Action Boyz, High and Mighty) and Carl Tart (Grand Crew, The Flagrant Ones) join the 'boys to discuss Mitch's hometown of Quincy and bulkie rolls before a review of Kelly's Roast Beef. Plus, the 'boys go Sippin' Up to Boston with a special guest. Recorded live at The Wilbur in Boston on 5/7/22. Sources for this week's intro: https://www.bostonmagazine.com/arts-entertainment/2013/01/02/good-will-hunting-oral-history/ https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/stories-making-good-hunting/story?id=51592706 https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119217/quotes/qt0408072 http://archive.boston.com/ae/food/restaurants/articles/2011/05/18/at_kellys_roast_beef_sandwiches_rule/ https://kellysroastbeef.com/history/Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, everybody? It's your boy, The Spoon Man, and I want to talk to you about today's sponsor, Uber Eats. At Uber Eats, we've helped more than 400,000 restaurants across the U.S. reach new, hungry customers and deliver growth quickly through new orders. Uber's global platform can help you grow, reach new people, get valuable sales data, and unlock ways to expand with flexible delivery options. Put your business on Uber Eats. Get access to the Uber Eats platform, including valuable sales data to grow your business. Dig in to your data. Really dig in there. Anytime to monitor your performance and customer order trends. Wow. Wow. Yikes. Restaurant owners enjoy 0% commission for the first 30

days on all orders, offer subject to change per the terms of the restaurant agreement. Wow, 0% on the first 30 days. Sign up today. That link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click. If you're on your phone, use your finger. And click that link. Click that link in the episode description. In his final year as a student at Harvard, aspiring actor Matt Damon wrote a one-act stage play as a class assignment. Though unfinished, it indeed served as one act of a future screen play, which he'd write in collaboration with his childhood friend and fellow young

thespian Ben Affleck after relocating to LA. Their script, a techno thriller about a math prodigy recruited for a secret government program, was perhaps overstuffed but had an intriguing relationship at its core, and after notes from industry luminaries like Rob Reiner and William Goldman, as well as a vote of confidence from now jailed pariah Harvey Weinstein. The story was simplified to a character study about a Boston low life with a genius IQ. The result was Goodwill Hunting, a 1998 film that would net an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for co-writers Affleck and Damon. And today, the film endures as much for its narrative as for its portrayal of everyday Boston life, familiar to locals and fascinating

to outsiders. The authenticity was such that in one scene, a character portrayed by Ben's real-life brother Casey Affleck suggests a trip to a local roast beef sandwich chain, transparently because of his crush on the counter girl. The chain in question was found in 1951 in the seaside Revere Beach community, and perhaps hubristically claims who had invented the roast beef sandwich itself. Though its footprint has remained modest over the decades, peaking at six locations and currently standing at just four, it's an outsized part of Boston's culinary identity, much like Dunkin' or Papa Geno's. And though today Damon and Affleck are both international movie stars, one thing hasn't changed since their childhood days

in the mean streets of Cambridge. Bay Staters still chow down on the meaty sandwiches knowingly referenced in Goodwill Hunting. This week on Doe Boys, Kelly's Roast Beef. Wow. Guys, before we go any further with this week's show, let's get him out of here. This week's roast is courtesy of Alec F. Let me introduce my co-host, James Gendel Feed Me, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. What's up, Boston? Yeah, the crowd is hot. Hot crowd. Mitch, one wardrobe note for you. I think you can use some more layers. We're gonna need that energy because we are out of energy. Oh, yes, yes. Yeah, we were on the road today.

We did a show yesterday at Foxwoods. It was at the Foxwoods show. There are other things to do. What do you think of Foxwoods? Do you like Foxwoods? I had a good time. Kind of a dump. Wow. We have to have a cavalcade of Doe Boys fans fucking wreck the place. We had Emma and Yu Song and DK robbing the casino Oceans 11 style as we did the show, which is great. It was great. Honestly, it was lucrative for us. We should not have said it. We should not have talked about it here because it's a crime. We took tokens. We have to go back to cash them in. That's right. Yeah, that's the issue. Got a bunch of chips. We got to exchange. Mitch, Alec F sent that roast in his first Doe Boys live. Alec F, are you here?

Wow. He's gonna jump. How have we not had a suicide at a live show yet? It's gonna happen. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen at a Doe Boys show. And then people will want it. Oh, there wasn't a suicide at the Milwaukee show. Yeah, we got a song, but no suicide. Celtics got robbed. Celtics got robbed. Celtics got robbed. I'm so happy it wasn't during the show because I would have had a call in with COVID. Oh shit, I just tested positive. I'm sorry, Nick. You'll do great without me. Don't say fucking and shooting. Yeah. Also, this isn't the NBA ref's press conference. You don't need to raise your

objections. It's more boring. The way the game was officiated. Yeah. Wigs, should I hit him with a little drop? Of course. Because we got a lot. Got a lot of show. We got a lot to get through. Okay, here we go. Am I hitting him with a drop? Sunday. Sunday. Get the Ithaca Commons. It's beef fast. Come on down and taste some beef steaks. Spod some beef cakes. And take a dip in the beef way. Beef way. With appearances by Grand Marshal, Mike Mitchell and the ghost of Mcwoman. Sunday. Beef there or beef square. Beef there or beef square is a registered trademark of the Ithaca Chamber of Commerce. Are our drops turning into sketches? I'm usually like, I usually like, oh, that was a good one. Or I was like, ah, that one was all

right. But this one, I'm just utterly baffled. What was that trying to accomplish? No idea. But it's from a good dropper. Hey, everyone, here's something a little different. Cordially, Chris Finke. Wow, Finke. Finke. Yeah. Well, don't be too different, Finke. Yeah, don't be shy about getting back into your bag. It's fine. My mom tonight, Michael, the drop ruined the show. She'll be all right. Speaking of your mom, Mitch, you had a pants saga that, here's what happened. Don't start the show off this way. You blew out the crotch of your pants yesterday. We discussed this at the Foxwood show. That's right. Happens to me all the time. You did not bring a second pair of pants, not to Foxwood's to Boston, where you were staying for

two weeks. Yeah. So your only pair of pants were ruined. Your mom, you called your mom to ask if she had a backup pair. You heard me shooting dice, Mitch, you need the new pair of pants. And I got them. Emma got me a new pair of pants. Yes. Emma bought him jeans. But you wore last dinosauring tonight. She put jeans in a package of Pampers in front of my door. Yeah. The other pair of jeans that you had at your mom's house, the crotch was also blown out. So this was your only option. This is true. It is true. I called my mom and I said, I blew the crotch out of my pants. She said, oh, no, again. I said, yeah, again, no big deal. And then she said, I said, can you pick me up a pair of pants? She went back to the house, got up and went into my closet, got the spare pair of

pants and the crotch was blown out in those as well. Anyway, I bring that up in part because after the show, I had some wonderful conversations with a lot of your Boston crew, some great times, some merry mitt was made. And I had a conversation about this very issue with Micas. Micas told me that you had a similar pants debacle on your Italy trip. But the other direction, you brought too many pants to Italy. And that caused a problem. There was too many pants in Italy. I got off the plane. The fat boy brought too many pants. Kind of sounded Jamaican. I was going to kind of back off that. Yeah. Wags. Look, you got you, you brought too many pants. You couldn't fit them in your own bag. It was a whole thing because you got in a fight

because you wanted someone else to put it in their bag. This was a whole issue. So you and Micas are just complaining about how annoying I was. I think just like these two, these two situations you've had involving travel and lower body apparel have perhaps maybe they've been instructive. I'm doing a little Goldilocks. A little too much. I blow out the crotch. Wags, that's what I do. I can't help it. I need to, I need to go with a lot or I don't know. I haven't caught the right amount. I got to find some strong crotch pants. By the way, how are you the Goldilocks in the story? Not the Papa Bear. Goldilocks and stay in the bed if you ask me. Okay, here we go. We got a couple of things. First of all, I was going to give a shout out to my dad. My dad would

have turned 80 this Wednesday. Wow. I love him. HPD, RIP, the Whammer. Kind of a relief. He doesn't have to see the show. But Nick, we're here in Boston. We sure are. My hometown, I was born in Boston in Dorchester and I drove you through the city of presidents today through Quincy. You saw Quincy and I was thinking what better way to kick off the second show in New England than with the second president himself, John Adams. John Adams. Here he is, John Adams. John Adams making his way across the stage, ringing his famous bell, the thing he is known for. Say your praise. Here he is, here he is. Ah, yes. John Adams' famous phrase, hear ye, hear ye. Yeah, he went by the Adams house that's just sort of inscribed on a plaque there.

Here ye, here ye, here ye. Now, I got to talk about something before we move on. I can't believe you made your friend do that. It's good. It's good. It's a lot. It was a lot of fun. I mean, it's good. It's going to be my favorite thing about the show. He's co-workers here. Too funny. Anyways, I want to talk about how Romandy had also offered to do this in Connecticut. Yes. But has Audrey Hepburn? His pitch I believe was Catherine Hepburn. Oh, Catherine Hepburn. Because Catherine Hepburn is from Connecticut, is that correct? I think so. And he was going to go, he was going to say, hear ye, hear ye, darling, darling. That's what he was going to do. And dressed up as Catherine Hepburn. And the reaction for

that would have been like the reaction to the drop. People would have just been confused. Like, what is going on? Why is Catherine Hepburn saying, hear ye, hear ye? And I told you about it. You're like, what? And I was like, just let him dress up like Catherine Hepburn. Let him do his thing. Yeah. Anyways, we just tell the story instead. Wigs, I think that we spent enough time with just the two of us. We got to bring up, we brought two people today. We sure did. Also, I was going to say this. The last time we were in Boston, it was a crazy thing where I booked a movie. That's right. The Tomorrow War. And we had to leave right from here.

I booked a TV show. That's right. And I was going to announce it. Wow. And I called, I called my agents and I said, there'd be no better place to announce it than my hometown in Boston. My agent said, that sounds perfect. I said, so can I do it? And they went, no. So I can't tell it. Sorry. It sucks. It's the truth. Anyways, it sucks. But I think I can say, because I'm not under an NDA, Frazier's got another brother. Bring him back, Frazier. Amidst, we have two fantastic guests here. First up from the podcast, High and Mighty in Action Boys and the upcoming show, 101 Places to Party Before You Die, which is coming to True TV this summer,

John Gabriel. We all stayed up till about 4.30 AM. Not including the bathtub jerk off sesh. I don't know what you did in your room, but I left a stack of towels. You know, it's an interesting show when you come out with a tea. Last night in Foxwoods, I came out with like six beers and was doing shots of moonshine with Carl backstage. Tonight, I came out with mint tea and waters. And I was like, you're 40. Lock it up, man. You do not need to shit blood on a plane this weekend. Hotel rooms are fine. They better be. Waiting to hear back from my doctor that's bad. Don't you just join a club if you do if you shit blood a thousand feet or whatever?

It's the mild dye club. Also with us today from Grand Crew on NBC and the podcast, The Flagrant Ones and XOXO Gossip Kings. Give it up for Carl Tart. What an entry. They're saying mookie. They're like mookie. Oh, they're not booing? They're not booing. Oh, OK. They're saying boo arts. Carl wearing the Dodgers Betz jersey. I didn't think about how that would be a sore subject here, but you know, they're saying that's what they say. They're like mookie. Oh, that's what they were

saying. You're not booing him, are you? What the fuck does that mean? It's a it's some booze in there for sure. Wait, are we asking if people from Boston are booing? We did just a quick check. Are you guys an unruly crowd? We brought two people who do hate Boston. We brought two people who Boston hates, a New Yorker and a black guy. Oh, my God. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. I'm too high. Carl with the Gatorade. How is everybody holding up? You guys

partied pretty hard last night. Oh, yeah, we did a little too much. Uh, it was last night when we left Gators' hotel room, we I walked out. I thought I went back to my room. Apparently I did not. No, I told you no. Carl's like, I went to sleep right after that. Mitch is like, I saw you get in the elevator and go down. And it was a trip. I was like, oh, shit, that is bad news going down right now. I'm not going down there. I went to my room. But you didn't you came back to my room. Oh, that's right. I did go back. And you're like, oh, thank God, I didn't go down there with everybody. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. My hotel room's scary. You mind if I bunk up?

Bunking up. Is you just sleeping directly on top of me? With each exhale, our bellies touch the ceiling. I stayed up to 11, 11 Pacific. I felt pretty, pretty tired. 11 Pacific. It's 2am for you guys. I'll do the math. The we took a little tour of Quincy. Mitch, you insisted upon this. I insisted upon it. Have you guys ever had a non consensual tour? When you were feeling like you were about to throw up out of your asshole? Oh, is that junk with the Adam's house?

We're at the restaurant. I won't say which one for spoilers for later. But we're like, all right, so we'll just jump in an Uber to the hotel and Mitch is like, no, no, no, I'll drive. I'll drive you guys to Quincy and then you take an Uber from there. Not even offering to drive us all the way home. Why do we got to go with you? Let's just leave now from here and we'll get on you. I really want to give you guys a tour of Quincy. We saw where he went to every fucking grade. That's where I went to kindergarten. You know how a first grader tells you about a movie? Mitch is like, and that's where I went to elementary school. And that's where Ramondi's cousin's sister got married. That's where my dentist,

Dr. Herbert. Good guy. We got to his house and as soon as we put up, he gets out of the car. He says hello to his neighbor. His name is like, take that mask off your California pussy. That's not even a lie. It's not a lie. And then as we were leaving, he's like, hey, these are my friends. And I guess like you were wearing shorts. You were wearing shorts. Yes. I had a hoodie on, but he was like, it's not that fucking cold out here, your California bitch. You got all your bitches. I'm like, how do you, do we look cold? They're in summer shorts. I am. It's fucking freezing. It was cold. It was cold as hell out there. But I restrained him. He was coming at you guys. I kind of held him back. He had a table saw he was pushing out with

Mitch is like, like any other human being, like Mitch pulls up and he's like, oh, my neighbor's outside his house. And you that means like, wait in the car until they go in or Russian, not Mitch. I didn't understand his tone. He's like, and I can't wait to say hello. Like it's out of his car. He's like, Hey, Mr. Smith, I'm back for a week. You need me to mow your lawn? It was Mr. Maxi. I said hello to Mr. Maxi. And Maxi and Jay Stearns. Next story. Yeah, I saw there was a lot of people on the street. We saw a haunted house. That's right. Now what did they ever tell you the activity that was going on in the house? Paranormal. Okay. Wow. That explains it. Electric Boogaloo.

The two folks house was once haunted. I drove you around. I showed you I showed you friend. I did show you friends house, trying to show you some grave sites. Yeah, some graves that we saw where his grandpa's buried. Yeah. You want to take us to your after the restaurant. I won't say which one you want to take us to like, Oh, we'll just swing by my dad's grave. I was joking. I wasn't going to take him to my dad's grave. But he passed out lyric books. And was like, if you guys could be off book for my dad's grave, I was like, what? He wants to sing lollipop? If I took him to my dad's grave and made them say a prayer, that would be funny. Sure. All I would think about is the last time I went to my dad's grave and be like, Oh,

shit. He's looking down like, Oh, so some other fucking guys. We don't understand. He put us in the car and wouldn't let us get out. So matter of fact, anytime we touched the door, he jerked the wheel and fucking rattled us around and your head against the wind. We did see his elementary school that is now condos. That's my middle school. Middle school now condos. And which is I know this is in Connecticut. We passed by elementary school that's now a strip mall. What the fuck is going on over here? School is boring as hell. Late stage capitalism. It's pretty symbolic. We're like, we don't need education. We need to sell Jamba juice. We'll just give all the kids ginkgo

boosters. You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad. You're going to Costa Rica. That's right. Why? So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun. Maybe see a monkey. Oh, that's fun. Maybe see a bird. Just that. Just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what? Knowing some Spanish might be helpful down there. And if you have an upcoming summer trip abroad, my go to travel hack is Babel. Whether you're a season traveler or embarking on your first adventure, communication is key to fully experiencing a new culture. That's where Babel comes in. Babel is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions.

Thanks to Babel's addictively fun and easy bite sized language lessons, there's still time to learn a new language before you reach your destination. You know, Mitch, I've been taking some Babel lessons in Spanish a little bit. And it's a great benefit just in terms of having some conversational knowledge of another language. With Babel, you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson. So you can start having real life conversation in as little as three weeks. Why? Babel's expertly crafted lessons are built around real life. You learn how to have practical conversations about travel, relationships, business and more. Other language learning apps use AI for their lesson plans. But Babel lessons

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a huge fan of Arby's. I was like, okay, does Arby's owe its existence to Kelly's? Yeah. And possibly it does but also possibly there, you know, every time there's some food that's invented, a million people claim it. So who knows how authentic it is that they actually invented this sandwich. They certainly help popularize it. And I'm curious about your guys' thoughts on roast beef in general as like a sandwich category as a meat category. You got to ask that question. Yeah. We all love it. Okay. The three of us love roast beef. But is that, wait, you want, you understand why I'm asking because Mitch, you don't like ham. And that's a thing. I would expect, I love you. I'd be like, don't throw shit like that around. No, you don't like ham.

You've said this. I think ham is fine. But that's a thing. Like I like knowing that. He can't even fucking stand by the smallest fucking decision. We got a ham crowd. The smallest opinion. He's so a fucking desperate for likes from you people that he can't even go, yeah, no, I don't really like ham. He's like, it's fine. It's actually okay. Okay. I think there's good ham on all sides. True. Growing up, like kind of poor roast beef was the elite cold cut. We didn't get it every time we got cold. And growing up, I should say as a poor Italian American meant that we did spend an inordinate amount of money on cold cuts every week. But that was it. Make yourself a sandwich. Jonathan, make a sandwich. It's just all the time. And roast beef was one of the elite ones.

And the one rule was if you cannot bring it down below four slices, because the last four slices were for my dad. And that's how annoying he was. So sometimes I'd be like, I was only five, my brother left five slices. So I have a roast beef sandwich and one piece of roast beef. Oh, I'm like, I'll put more cheese on it. You know, it's like the whole household was annoying. Yeah, yeah, we're all nightmares. I mean, look at me. I was the first one to get out of there. Imagine what the rest of them are like. I met one last night. He was actually very nice. Yeah, he's pretty nice. That's my homie now. Roast beef was that was always a special treat. You know, it's a lot of turkey sandwiches growing up, but roast beef and mayo on a little bulky roll. That was that was a treat.

I loved it. Yeah, a little what role bulky. What's that bulky? You don't know what to wait. What? Just answer my fucking question. Why are you gonna like drag? See, I know a lot about rolls. Why would I lie about not knowing what a funky role is in this moment? Say bulky roll. Oh, one second. Bokey roll. Bokey. Spell it. Spell it. B-u-l-k-i-e bulky roll. B-u-l-k-i-e bulky. You guys don't know bulky rolls? I haven't heard of a bulky roll. That is why I'm shocked. You guys don't know bulky rolls? Yes, Mitch. We don't know. Tell us what they are. Let me guess, rolls from here. And how do we not know them? Because we didn't have the exact same existence as you and Ramanthi and both Adamses. And honestly, I feel bad for you because of that, because it was a great time.

While we're talking about Mitch's many friends with their many dumb nicknames, I met a one of your college reds last night and he was like, oh, this is Poof. And then he told me there's a second Poof. You had two Poofs in your Ithaca crew? Poof one was there, yeah. What could that be short for? And how do two people have that name? I feel like Poof is a word you're supposed to whisper. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a fucking wave, fucking Poof. But what is a bulky roll? A bulky roll is a... Wait, do you say bunny roll? No, you wish. B bulky roll. B bulky roll. It's a roll from here. Okay. But they're particularly good. Like roll potato roll. Do they have like poppy seeds on them or something or like onion? No. It's just a type of roll.

This type of roll. It's nice. Nothing on it. Is it soft? Is it dance? It's pretty soft. It's also pretty dense. Sounds familiar. All right, while I load up Microsoft Bing, Carl, your thoughts on roast beef? So I didn't grow up. I wasn't birthed in much of a sandwich culture. But we would get to go to Arby's after baseball games sometime. And that was always very good. But if it was bought at the house, like it's probably bought by my granddaddy and he was the only one allowed to eat that the kids had to eat bologna. That's the same shit in my house. The bologna was for the boys. You sat bologna on a bulky roll back when I was a child? On a what? Please, please, no. There you go. Why are you just looking around? B bulky roll. It's similar to a Kaiser roll. But Kaiser rolls are

sweeter, this is telling me. And it is a bridal that originates in New England. So there you go. I had no idea. I thought they were everywhere. The crest is usually slightly crisp or crunchy, but bulky rolls are not hard rolls. I'm reading a Wikipedia entry in front of a crowd of paying people. This is edited five minutes ago by Mitchie Mitchie. Keep going. Gonna bust the cross on my pants again. Here's the anemology of it. It comes from a Yiddish word for a small roll made with fine wheat flour and kneaded with eggs. So there you go. I like it. Teaching people. This is fun. It's educational. Yeah, this is fun. This is fun. The info about the roll came 11 minutes after

me saying, no, I don't know what it is the first time. I said something that I expected to get a reaction in Fox Woods, and it was kind of a shock. I think no one gave a shit, but we've had a recent streak of we do these live shows, we go to different cities, we sample the chains that the local audiences demand. And so far, all our recent shows, Nashville, Phoenix, Portland, Fox Woods, all of these have gotten into the Golden Plate Club. They've all entered the Hallowed Halls. I made a prediction last night that this streak ends in Boston. Will that be this chain or will this be the late show's chain? We're going to find out. I'm not saying this is going to happen. There's not a guarantee. I don't know anyone's fork scores. I don't even know my own

until I get there. But this is a prediction. I think this is likely to happen. Yeah, I think it's a coin flip. There's an audible murmur from the crowd. It's like it just brought in a surprise witness. Jesus Christ, I forgot to have my gator on. It just scared the shit out of me. You thought you were asphyxiating? What happened? I just touched it. I thought something was on my neck. Too many layers. I told you. That's what you were. I didn't realize that. Yeah, it's good. It's fine. Take it off. Take it off. That's all right. I'm going to wear it for the rest of the show. Okay. Mitch just pulled his gator up to cover his mouth and nose. This is funny because Mitch wants to wear this mask, but everyone knows he's an anti CPAP master. It actually was actually

intentional. It's actually pretty good. Mitch is holding the microphone with his mask. Yeah, it's not good. I guess the visual comedy isn't great. Oh yeah, for the listeners, Mitch's audio just got way worse. It's because he's doing a visual a bit. So let's talk about Kelly's roast beef. I mentioned it was, it's from Revere and Four Locations of the Commonwealth. Plans to expand in Florida this year. Also, they had plans to expand a lot of places just before quarantine. Like in March, I think it was March of 2020. They were just basically saying that they're going to have a cup and a bunch more Kelly's and obviously that got scuttled. Oof, timing. Rough timing. Rough timing. I think we had a Doughboy store planned right around that too,

didn't we? Yeah, I think we're just finishing it. No, you are correct. We were making up these dates. The Phoenix show we just did with you, Gabriel, was a makeup for a show that was scheduled, I believe, on March 14th, 2020. Oh yeah. So yeah, this is what we're depressing. The bill is coming due. I know it's depressing, it's bad, but thankfully it's solved now. So everything's fine. But we're back fatter and crankier than ever. So we went to the Revere Beach location, which was the original. We went to the original location because we didn't want people to be mad. You guys flew in on Thursday night. That's correct. And Emma and I came up, Emma drove down to Quincy from Maine and then picked me up and drove a van, drove a van,

and then we went up to pick you up. The AC wasn't working well. That's right. So we went to get a new car. We dropped off, switched the car out, came and picked you up, went straight to Revere. We went right to Revere because it's the perfect place to see when you get off the plane. I will say, we were, it was just starting to be dusk and it was just a lovely sort of, you know, hey, I've spent a lot of time in coastal environs. We had someone from Long Island, from coastal, the Gulf Coast. I grew up in Long Beach, Southern California, obviously. That's right. So like, and Quincy Mass, obviously, used to the coast. The beach at night, it was lovely. Hey, to the coast. To the coast. To the coast. They don't know what they're missing,

those desert freaks. So I get, I mean, should we start with the roast beef or should we go do all the other bullshit first? I feel like we should do all the other bullshit first. The worst thing. Never mind. Never mind. I'll just miss the guy with the microphone. Okay. Yeah, you're right. Let me go with the guy who shouted from the mezzanine. When we pulled up at this place, Mitch thought, Mitch and Emma thought it'd be wise that we took all of our shit out of the car. I said, where the hell y'all got me? That we need to take our stuff. Don't tell me about that. I just, I said, why you should take your computer with you, maybe, or leave it. I don't care.

I took it. You took it. Yeah. Smart move. A lot of cash for gold places around that. I said, oh, we in Boston now. Oh, we in Boston now. Carl is tucking his jeans into his shirt. You did keep saying throughout the ride, you did keep saying, oh, we're in Boston now. Do some things that I was like, I guess. I do just eating big beans on the side of the road. I said, oh hell yeah, we in Boston now, baby. So I placed with a roof caved in. I was like, oh, we in Boston now. On that topic, this is your first time in Boston. Is that correct? First time. Wow. I have, when we were in, I want to say, Detroit, maybe, or Philadelphia,

they had me fly from there to Boston, then to LA. And I said, well, why? Yeah, we do, we do shitty annoying stuff like that. But I only got, I was only in the, in the airport that time. Oh, you didn't have enough, long enough layover to get one of Mitch's layover tours of Quincy. I booked your flight with a five hour break so you can meet Ramon D. I drive up from Quincy and meet you at the airport. It's great. It's a good tour. You should take it. I've taken it a couple of times. It is good. I'm disappointed we didn't see the quarries. I'm disappointed we didn't see the locker you were locked in during football practice.

Coach Carr and Coach Crism locked me in a locker. It was very funny, actually. Weiger had one of those pull up belts on with a kettlebell hanging from it going, are we going in the quarry? Are we going to see the quarries on this tour? Weiger, Jesus, man. Dear God. I'm going to remind you again, my mom is in the crowd tonight. Hello, Mrs. Mitchell. Hello. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, ma. Happy Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day. You have a lovely home. Mitch made me see every inch of it. Yeah. We have to talk about you. Wallpaper, the guest bathroom. We love it. Looks beautiful. We're big fans of the bathroom. We're all commenting on the wallpaper. They put butterflies up on the wallpaper in the new in the new bathroom. Then after you guys use it, the butterflies will die.

They're all moths when I look. Mitch gave us such a tour of his house that he even took us to his bedroom and his mom maybe can attest to he shouldn't have done that. You let him live like that? It's all messy. He's a fucking pig, man. He's like, oh, his suitcase is in front of the door to his room that's open. It was.

It's like open and there's like sneakers on the path. I'm like, how the fuck do you live like this? All right, Mr. Cleese. Run pair of jeans. Look, I may be a disgusting human being personality wise. But I live with a person who does not let me leave shit out. So put yourself in my shoes a few years earlier before COVID. We're doing another tour.

We're in Boston. Mitch shows you his bedroom in that state and says, this is where you'll be sleeping tonight. This is where we'll be sleeping tonight. It's my grandparents bed. You've told me this. Yeah. It's my grandparents bed.

They two people slept in there back in the day. It's a great. Fucking Willy Wonka ass over here. Sleeping in the grandparents bed like Charlie. That fucking freak. All right, we're coming up on the top of the hour. We got to talk about the food. So.

Damn, it shows almost over sweet. I'll start with the the thing I had that was a disappointment, which was the vegetarian wrap. Look, pretty bad. Round of applause. Who gets the vegetarian wrap every time they're at Kelly's? This is one of those things where don't put it on the menu if this is your vegetarian option.

Like this year was like Delta. It was really. Yeah. This was this was cold case at the airport tier. Like it was it was avocado, peppers, shredded lettuce, mostly shredded lettuce. It was mostly shredded lettuce and a tortilla with a little bit of dressing. And the highlight was the pickle that it came with.

Good pickle. Nick had four of those veggie wraps. We also had some clam chowder. And I feel like no one was excited about the clam chowder. No, a good amount of clams in the clam chowder. I will say a lot of clams, a lot of clams, our clams, fresh clams. But it was watery. Yeah, a little run.

The little too runny. Is that the style? Is that Boston? No, no, that's not that's not the style. They can cream me. Yeah, they get creamier than that. Because I took a spoonful and I said, oh, we in Boston. That was one of the ones I was like, no, no, this is incorrect.

Yeah, it was honestly closer to a Rhode Island clam chowder. Everyone's had that with that, like sort of like a very thin clear broth. Pooing. People are pooing. People are mad. The also in clam town, we got ourselves some fried clams. I know the fried clams are pretty decent. Fried clams are very good.

I like the fried clams. Particularly enjoyed the tartar sauce, even if it was probably just from a Heinz pump. I thought it was fucking great. Went a long way. Yeah. I got I got thoughts about the fried clams. All right, we'll get back to it.

We'll get back to it. OK. Well, we don't we can talk about it now. Let's get back to it right now. Let's get back to it. They were not seasoned. The flour the the dredge was not seasoned. Yes.

He's not lying. He's not lying. But you had to dip him in the tartar sauce and Gabriel's ate all the damn tartar sauce. So I'm trying to choke down this unseasoned fried clam, which could have been good if they had to just season the flour that they fried them in. That was my issue.

I think we only had one tartar sauce because I spilled a full drink in your tartar sauce. Yes. Because we were sitting at one of those picnic tables and any time me, Mitch, or Carl moved the entire table, they'd be like, whoa, whoa. We had to like, OK, three, two, one. It was like, we're sweating like it's a movie

where they cut two wires at the same time. We're all like, all right, you ready? Three, two, hop. We all got up from the table and shit flew in the water. I got up at one point and I'm a shot into the moon. Flew by on a bike like ET. She'll be all right. I think the under-seasoned fried foods was a general note

because that was the issue I had with the fries and with the onion rings. I think the fries were well fried. The onion rings were a little greasy. But it's just a paucity of seasoning. It just needed at minimum some salt. They needed more salt. They needed a little bit more salt.

I thought the onion rings tasted pretty good, but they needed salt. I don't know if this is heresy to say in Massachusetts, but as I was having the fried clams and the nears, I was like, a little Old Bay would wake this up. But I don't know if that's more of like, oh, you can say that in Baltimore. I can't say that here.

No, that's cool. Oh, here we don't like good spices. We're so territorial, we don't even bring peanut sauce all the way from Thailand. So let's get to the reason to come here, which I'd say are twofold. Wait, before we get to the reason to come here, don't forget, so we also ate the roast beef sandwiches,

which we will be talking about shortly. We'll get back to that. We'll get back to that. But then after we had eaten roast beef sandwiches and all this food, Mitch is like, so we're going to get a burger, a hot dog, and a fish sandwich, and I'll try that. And no one had said that.

He had the first four rounds of that conversation in his head and we were all like, I don't know if we need to. And he's like, yeah, we should have tried. We should try. And then he's just like, comes back with them and we're like, oh, OK, it's happening. And fraps for everybody. Your excuse was that you were going to get fraps anyway,

so you might as well get three more sandwiches. Hey, when you were up there, you know? I did not know they were called that. I called it a milkshake and I got jumped. Oh, you're in Boston. As he's kicking my head, I said, I'm in Boston now, baby. Sorry for calling it a milkshake. Carl is going to his first Red Sox game tomorrow.

Wow. If any of you will be there, I will be dressed the same as I am now. So, OK. So will Mitch, to be fair. And this is his hometown. Or my hoodie that I wear and the same jeans. I'm going to wear them from here on out. So we look, we got some roast beef sandwiches.

Mike has got mad at me when I told him what I did. I got, we got, we got, we got beef. We got three ways. OK, so relax. We got three ways. Look, beefs are a North Shore thing. I'm a South Shore guy. It's the truth.

North Shore. It's like your dream. You're just listing facts about your hometown and getting huge pops from the ground. You're in heaven now. No, because I'm going to get it wrong. They're going to be mad at me for sure. But South Shore, more bar pizza.

North Shore, more beefs, I would say. So I got, I got beefs three way, three ways for, for all of us. But I didn't get anything else on them. And Mike is was legit mad at me. Like we, there was no lettuce, tomato, pickle or onion or anything. I know, didn't need that though.

Yeah, I wouldn't want that. They're, they're, look, they're mad at me. But, but that's not, that's not what I wanted. This type of sandwich. Yeah, I think it would be. I would have done it. There was only a word for it to having all that. I, I might characterize it as ungepochka.

Jam and home that alley-oop to like, yay, I recognize that word from other episodes. Adder and recognition. Yay, we're just animals. Stop pointing it out. They're great. If I'm eating a hot roast beef sandwich, I don't want lettuce, tomato, and shell.

I concur. Totally agree. I'll take, I'll take peppers and onions if they're hot, but I don't want cold condiments on that either. I think you're right. I like pickles and onions, honey. I just, it was chaotic. We were ordering a lot of things,

and then I also did that second order like you were talking about. Yeah. So, um, I think we also got like a, like you went up and was like, we're going to order a lot. And the guy was like, oh yeah. Me and Mitch stand next to each other.

He's like, we're about to order a lot of food. And he goes, I know. Like, truly. He knew. Like, he's like, yeah. And that, it was only round one. Yes. Great staff.

They did a great job. I gotta say. Great staff there. We threw a lot at them. Good vibes. Ocean breeze. Very good vibes. Uh, like, I like to go.

You smoked a joint in front of a state police officer. It's legal pop. I was like, if there's a beach, we're then walking distance of where I'm standing, and I have to wait a minute for food. I might as well get high. So I walked down to the beach and took a couple of puffs from my man,

Paul Revere. One complaint about the staff. Oh, geez. Let's hear it. I ordered a Coca-Cola. Large. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Over an inch and a half of space at the top of the cup. I feel like there was like, could fit a couple of mitches in there. Mitches are inches that are really small. So then Mitch could go, yeah, I got six mitches. They're like, did you say inches? They're like, yeah, mitches. Six mitches.

Look it up, Urban Dictionary. Entry by Mitch Mitch Mitch 33. She didn't wait for the suds to go down. She was, she was, she was done with us at that point. We had, that we had ordered so much food. And then I was like- She wasn't even dealing with us. It was homeboy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't, well, everyone was dealing with us, I think, back then. I think it was a full-scale kitchen emergency. They shut down after we left. Yeah, they were all outside smoking cigarettes with like blankets wrapped around them, like SVU victims and shit. They were getting like hot tea, like in a FEMA tent. This place has been open a long time.

We've never seen anything like that. Licking the fucking wrappers clean. I liked the beefs. I enjoyed my beefs. Had you, how many times have you had it before? I've had beefs quite a bit. I don't- But specifically at, you just like, at Kellys.

Oh, I've had, yeah, I don't know. Probably, honestly, in my lifetime, not too many. Probably 15 times, I would say. That's a good, that's a good amount. Oh, that's a lot. Oh, well. Keeping in mind how short our lifetimes are. Oh, wait.

Because of this show. We met, we met like through my whole lifetime, not just this year. So 15 this year. So, you know, like 300 sometimes. Only like 15 in the COVID years. It was like 40, 45 the years. And I live in LA, sort of.

Yeah. I fucking, I was, I was truly surprised by the beef. It was a beef surprise for old Uncle Meat Man over here. I, I was expecting, I don't know what I was expecting. I was expecting like wet with au jus, like, like beef on a whack or something, or like a dip. And I was like, oh, I'm not in the mood for that. And then when it came with cheese, barbecue sauce,

barbecues, barbecues. And mayonnaise, I was like, this is, and it was perfect. And it like sat just long enough in that container to like steam itself a little bit, where the mayo, cheese, and barbecue sauce sort of become this one fucking creature organism. And that shit fucking starts, you know, grappling your beef up.

And it's so fucking good. That's a description right there. Thunder only happens when I dream. Play that under. Kyle, what did you, what did you, what did you think of the beef? I thought the beef was good. I, I agree with the, I shared the sentiment of what gave,

I wish I had to put a little bit more barbecue sauce in. I should have gotten extra barbecue sauce. I needed, it needed some more sauce. It needed to be slathered in that shit. And it was only like a good dollop of it. Okay, for enough. The mayo, cheese, everything, a good amount. You don't want too much, especially with good roast beef

and not the RV style. The RV style just slide right down your throat. Ow. Yes. But with good, with good roast beef, like it takes some chewing. And they put the right amount. Yeah, it's like enough to be like a nice bite,

but it's not overpowering. Overpowering, yeah. Where it gets dry in the middle. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. But that, I think mine did get a little dry. And that's why I was like, I wish I had a little bit more barbecue sauce on this.

They were slicing it in the back. They were slicing the beef in the back. Here's the funny thing is that true beef aficionados will say that Kelly's is probably bad. Interesting. I'm telling you, I, I, they. I'm a true beef aficionado. Guy stands up with like a cow leather fucking cloak on.

Fucking cow head over the top with horns. Gettles between his legs. Buffalo bill style. Same thing he wore on January 6th. Follow my twitch. I'm beef aficionado. I just took a shit and Nancy Pelosi's waste paper basket. You joke, but you should follow the North Shore beef's account.

Wow. There are people that you should. I mean, it's in the comment section. It's a little dicey. You showed me. You showed me the North Shore beef's account. And when I look, when it, when it gets to a point where someone's like, the North Shore beef's account is getting too political.

Shut it down. Shut it down. The amount of people who had to like unfollow dog Instagrams, because all of a sudden it's like, I'm putting a let's go Brandon tank top on my chihuahua. Okay. What the fuck, lady? We did see a let's go Brandon. Did we see a let's go brand sign when he pulled into Quincy?

No, we saw one in, in Connecticut. I don't know if we saw one in. We saw blue lives matter flags in. Avatar. They were avatar fans. Na'vi lives matter. We saw the flags and he's like, man, can you believe that shit? Look at that.

All right, y'all time to get out. We're home. Uh, Mitch, did you want to ask me about the roast beef? Guys, Nick doesn't eat red meat. It's true. But he made an exception for this show. They're happy. Yes.

Die young with us. I want to give a little bit of context here. I was not planning on doing this. But Mitch had a corner of a sandwich that he decided not to finish. I was like, and he was going. Throw it away. We got a ton of food. We got a ton of food.

Get him. We haven't gotten to this. We haven't got to the second course yet that Mitch ordered. So you, you had like a little like third of the sandwich that you were just going to toss. And I was like, and you know, so I was like, if that's just going to go to waste, I'll eat it and see what it's like at that point. It's a sunk cost. So I ate it and it's pretty good.

It's good. Nick took a bite of that sandwich. I said, oh baby, we in Boston now. The other, the other main event is the lobster roll. Now look, if you're like me and you're not used to living amongst lobster rolls, you may get a little bit of sticker shock because the roast beef sandwiches, $9.75 for a small, $10.95 for a large, the lobster roll, $30, $28.95 for a sandwich is a lot. But that was great.

It was really good. It was, it's really good. They got a good lobster roll. It was particularly good. I wish I'd had like that was one where I was eating this. I wish I had a whole one of these for myself because it was really, really enjoyable. And I think worth the, worth the pride of the investment. Yeah, we start growling at you like dogs because we want our halves.

Cut them up. No, that shit was good. It was the perfect amount of mayo sauce, whatever. Again, I wish it was a little bit of shell, I got a little shell. I don't mind the shell. Oh, I got one. Me and Carl got one. I got a shell.

I don't mind the shell. I may have gotten a shell. My palate's not that refined. I said that you have bloody shits as well. Did you eat a claw? I ate what I thought was two dozen boneless wings last night. Turns out. A live lobster.

The only thing that knocked me with this sandwich, lack of seasoning, just like, just a little bit of something. Give it to me. Yeah, I got it. I want to enjoy this. I like it. It's like a little note. It tasted like ballpark roast beef in a way because it wasn't seasoned.

Like, you know what I mean? It felt like a roast beef. You get it like a stand kind of. Oh, no, I'm talking about the lobster roll. Oh, the lobster roll. My bad. Yeah. Sorry.

Because the beef wasn't that seasoned. I mean, it was good. Now, there's a seasoning issue. I'm curious about everyone's thoughts because we had this meal before the other chain that we reviewed. If you listen to this podcast in the previous episode, D'Angelo. And we also got a lobster roll at D'Angelo. And I was surprised that I maybe preferred the D'Angelo.

Because I was like, this is a high bar. This is a good lobster roll. And I wasn't expecting it from a beachside stand, having eaten a bunch of those in the course of my life. But then having the one at D'Angelo, I was like, I think this is maybe a superior execution. Not as a guy who knows what a lobster roll should taste like. Both lobsters was fresh.

Both places, you could taste the sea. You could taste the bay. You like to taste the sea. You can taste the sea. Look, there's a lot of burger seaside stands. There's Sullivan's and Castle Island. They do burgers and dogs and kind of like the similar onion rings. And look, a lot of these places have great lobster rolls.

They'll surprise you. It's part of the... We're in Boston now, Carl. That's why we're here. I said it's so much dorkier. We're in Boston now. But you can get some good damn seafood. I was surprised at how good the one at D'Angelo was.

Because I would assume that's more like a fast food chain or whatever. They got the seasoning right and you can still taste the sea in the meat. Yeah, both places got the mayo ratio down pat. I don't like... I love mayo, but I don't like a mayo-y lobster salad. You know what it was? What the D'Angelo one had was a hot bun, a hot buttered bun, but with the cold lobster salad in it.

And that works. Don't find that in LA, too. That hits. Yeah, that's perfect. I did also eat a beef sandwich seven hours later in Foxwood's casino. That's right. That sat in the car loose, outside loose at the restaurant, in the car loose. Like in waiting to check into the hotel, walk through the casino with it,

put it in my room, went down to the casino, hung out, drank in... I saw the beef at the slot machines at like 3 a.m. I'm like now just realizing why my stomach is... I went out the room and it was all gray beef. And I was like... Yeah, we ran into Maddie Smith, Wigs. Our friend Maddie Smith passed Go-Boys guest randomly on our flight. And Maddie Murphy, yes.

And this has never happened to me. Just a sheer coincidence. Someone I know personally was on the same flight, traveling the same destination for a different reason. And they decided to tag along and they met us at Kelly's. That's right. It was a lovely evening. And they had an extra beef sandwich and that's what they gave to Gay. They got two extra beef sandwiches.

They ordered one, they gave them three. Yeah, I think they just had... Our order had gone in so they were like, just keep making beef sandwiches. Gave them full coax. I said, what the fuck? Wigs, what did you say? You said that you hadn't seen someone on a plane that you knew since. Who was the other person?

No, I was going to say I've seen celebrities on planes before. Like, I saw a vendor Holyfield on a flight. We talked about... We saw Brian Henson who I worked with, Jim Henson's son, the Muppets director. You bit a vendor's other ear, right? What do you got on the flight? But the guy I came to mind was I saw the actor who portrayed Greg Brady on a jet blue flight. Oh, shit.

Yeah. I saw Richard Simmons on a flight one time. Wow, that's amazing. That's good. That's crazy. That's a great sight of you. He looked at me, he said, I ain't never coming back out. But you know what I mean?

It feels more common to see like, oh, I recognize you from something from TV or whatever, than to recognize someone I know you from real life, but you're on the same flight. Like, that seemed kind of miraculous to me. I don't know. My mind was blown. One time me and Tiff were flying in New Orleans and we didn't know this. And a dude walks on that used to be like her boss's friend. And he's like, what are you guys doing going to New Orleans?

You going to John's birthday? Her old boss was having his 40th birthday in New Orleans. And we ran into like all of her old friends just we and no one knew that. And so it was like eight people that all knew each other on the same flight. That's fucking wow. It was awesome. Then we landed and we but then it was like also we just got by default invited to the 40th birthday shit that weekend.

We were like, now we're like tied into like a crew of God. And we were like 29 at the time. We were like hanging out with those 40 year old lawyers. I was like, we should get the fuck out of here. I saw I sat behind Taco Fall on the plane. Wow. Taco Fall. And you know what?

I can say now he said he'd come on Doe Boys. Yes. And then he never did. Oh, my best sighting was Browstrowman and Roman Reigns. Yeah. On a red eye from LAX to somewhere I forget where. That's fucking good. Yeah, it was awesome.

I was like, I'm not usually the smallest person boarding the plane. And I was just like, who the fuck are these people? Like chicks are taller than me. Oh, okay. It's a wrestlers talk. I watched I told Taco where the rental car places was like, and I was like, I have no idea what fucking car that guy's going to get. It's fucking gigantic.

Yeah. Nissan Centra. So we should touch on real quick. Before we get to our fork scores, the other sandwiches that mentioned since we get the fish sandwich, the hot dog, the cheeseburger. I just tried the fish sandwich. I thought it was well fried again, you know, just a distant absence of seasoning. And any thoughts on those for anyone?

Fish sandwich didn't taste like nothing. I did not taste the sea in the fish sandwich. I feel like that wasn't a fresh piece of fish. I enjoyed the burger and dog. I thought the fish sandwich was okay, but I thought the burger had like a mustardy vibe, which I didn't dislike. Yeah. It stood out as like better than most beach stand fucking burgers and shit.

Sure. The person behind the counter said that she would make the fish sandwich she liked, the way she liked, which was with pepper jack cheese and lettuce and tomato and I think onion. And you did not like it at all. Did not care. Yes. Mitch is currently passing the buck to a woman, a front line fucking to take out person.

Like, come on, man. She fucked up so bad. I'm so mad. You have such ownership over Kelly's. So mad. Hot take. Uh-oh. He's been brewing this up for a while.

Yes. I don't believe cheese goes on fish sandwiches. I'm with you on that. Just I only like lettuce and tartar sauce. Now if it's McDonald's. A lot of, a lot of, you can hear it in the audience. Yeah. A lot of murmuring out here.

Watch the, watch the corners of these things. Watch this shit. I heard somebody go, that's fucking it. Oh, he's in Boston now. We in Boston now. Louie, we should, we should end this discussion by talking about the Fraps. Yeah. The Fraps.

Yeah. The Fraps. So I got a vanilla Frapp and I thought it was great and I love the, I love the texture. I love the consistency. I love that it was just like a little thin, very sipable through the straw. This is one of those, those things. So I was like, I'm going to have a little bit of this and then I'll be fine. And I drank the whole fucking thing because I was just enjoying myself.

Yeah. It was really, that was great. After that meal that we discussed, the three course meal, we got Fraps to go for a two hour drive. That's right. Two hour, Mike Mitchell drive to the casino. It's like fucking seeing ready player one in 40X. But those of you who don't know a two hour Mike Mitchell drive means going 15 miles below the speed limit, hugging the side of the road.

Garrail sparking on the side of the rental van. I want to get my guests there safe, baby. By doing very dangerous things. You have to go with the flow of traffic. Oh man, this girl was trying to get over in front. Mitch did this thing. This girl was trying to merge into like, she was trying to get out, get from behind a car in this lane. And Mitch is just driving in her blind spot the whole time.

Her blinker is on. Her blinker is on. Not my problem. I'm like, Mitch, you gotta speed up. You have to go. And so he finally goes, oh, shit, my bad. And we get by this girl's car and she's like, fucking go. Like she was so upset.

Now, shit happens. We all, every once in a while, get a little toot from someone else on the road. Like, hey, asshole, you moved over. Hey, the lights green. I swear to God, the drive to and from Fox, which was the most I've ever been honked at. Yes. I was like, oh, Boston seems aggressive. And Carl's like, nah, dude, it's Mitch.

You know, it's a problem when I'm sticking up for y'all. I'm like, nah, he's a good people. They just want to get, they just want to get to where they trying to go. Mitch is fucking up. There's nothing like driving to get you to side with strangers over loved ones. Like me and my wife, if we're driving each other, we're immediate. She's like, hey, babe, watch out. And I'm like, well, what the fuck's that person doing?

And she's like, that person actually had the right, you know, like, I'm like, you're on their side. You have to drive the rest of the way to the fucking Palm Desert with me. That happened today. Gabor's in the back of the van and Mitch is driving us on a tour through Quincy, going seven miles per hour. Yeah. That's where I went to first grade.

That's where I went to second grade. That's where I went to third grade. I was pointing out the McDonald's across from North Quincy High School. Yes. The Brutalist McDonald's? The Brutalist McDonald's. Where you were first molested by a priest. Where you got hooked?

Cardinal Law was at my confirmation. The bad guy from Spotlight was at my confirmation. He'd be better off having Magneto. He's in the, he's in the new Dr. Strange, Cardinal Law. Fuck Cardinal Law. So Mitch stops at a yellow light. Stops. Light just turned yellow.

He stops. Halt. The dude behind him is like, lays on his horn. Gabor's is in the back like this. I mean, I'm so frustrated with Mitch. I'm going, I'm telling him, man. I tried to tell him.

Are you taking the side of that asshole? That guy didn't know I was giving a Quincy tour. He'd be fine if he knew. You got to put your magnet that says Quincy tours. We break frequently. You got to get one of those vans at the top cut off like TMZ has in LA. That's where I went to sixth grade.

We can go back tonight, by the way. You can see more Quincy. Just turning it out there. I was like, Oh, I got to see this place at. I'm talking into my teeth. Professional audio over. We got to get to our final thoughts on Kelly's roast beef. So Mitch, you're going to start our first thoughts.

You're going to start us off because you're the guy who's had this a bunch of times. You're going to set a baseline. So give us your final argument for Kelly's and your fork score. Well, look, I'm a so short guy. I've had good. I've had better beefs before. But Kelly's what it represents.

That's the seaside burger stand and roast beef stand. I love that. And I think that Kelly's does a good job. Look, you guys are probably like, this is a round fork. You're not. I'm not going to be a Homer. I'm not going to just give it five forks.

If it doesn't deserve it, which it does five for. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Wow. See? Oh, shit. It's nice. It's not booze.

I promise. Oh, shit. Uh-oh. John Gabriel. Uh-oh. Saw how you reacted to this. I liked it the night of. I saw you.

I did. Jesus. Wow. It sounded like a joke to love her. You liked it. I never met someone who's defensive of like 11 counties. Yeah. You're making a point of saying you're not from that area.

And you still you have to say this. Yeah, fuck the North Shore on. I don't fuck. I don't like the North Shore. Fuck them. Whoa. South Shore, baby. Whoa.

Wow. Get out of here, you fucking Italians. Hey. Hey. Did you know that I lived on the South Shore of this fucking island? Yeah, baby. And I'm a fucking Italian. And I'm a fucking Italian.

Look, I didn't think it was particularly great. I really enjoyed the roast beef sandwich, which is what they do. So, you know, that that's weighted with a curve. But otherwise it was, you know, not great. And the ambiance juices it up for me. Yes. So I'm going to give it. Emma, you've called security, right?

Just kidding. I am my own security. Three and a half forks. Wow. Three and a half forks. He liked it more than that. Carl Tartt. I was worried about him.

By the way, three and a half is a good score. Not by your rating where everything's a five and then one time something's a four because you got like a bloody foot in your salad. You're cranky. You're cranky. You're cranky today. Because I ate fucking poison two nights ago. Carl, your thoughts.

Before I get my thoughts in the restaurant, I won't talk about Italians. Easy. I'm going to let I ate so much shit at that place. We started off with the roast beef sandwich. I did enjoy it. It was pretty good. The fries were fried well. They were crispy.

No salt. The the clam, the clam bites. What? Fried shrimps. Yeah. Yeah. Big juicy of the sea. No seasoning in the dredge.

Okay. That's bad. You got to put some season on some shit. On your rings. No seasoning. That fish sandwich. Some bullshit. Okay.

I'm just here to say it. Hot dog. Good. Here we go. Hot dog is good. Yeah. Look at the reaction to a hot dog at Kelly's. Oh, fuck yeah.

He likes the hot dog. Cheeseburger. Two fucking seasoned. Wow. Take some of the seasoning out of that and put in the goddamn seafoam. The dredge was leaking right out to the hamburgers. Oh my gosh, man. I'm sorry for screaming.

What's that being said? I'm just wondering who cares. I don't know. It looked like he was like, hold on. What else? The milkshake? I'm not calling it a frappe. Y'all can kiss my ass.

Okay. Carl, you can kiss my ass. Only thing I'm calling a frappe is if I'm at Starbucks. It's just funny to be like, to be like, I'll have a milkshake. It's called a frappe. You know what I'm talking about though, right? Like I'm talking about.

You know what I'm the dairy based beverage you have right there? Oh, thank you. This fake scenario where this guy at the counter is an asshole. Carl and I, Carl and I merked him. Yeah. And I said, we pulled him right out. I took him out and said, you embossed it now. I got a mocha frappe, by the way.

I got vanilla. We didn't talk about it. I got vanilla, just like you said. Yes. Perfectly thin. I like a thin milkshake. If I wanted a thick ass milkshake, I'd eat a bowl of ice cream. I like it thin.

I like it. I like to be able to drink it, get it out of the straw. I was able to do that. Tasty. Good. Little malty, if you will. With that being said, I will rate this place 3.12 forks.

Wow. Wow. Wow. The hundredth decimal place. They don't like the city. I enjoyed my meal at Cali's, but yeah, there were some things that detracted from it. The headlines, the roast beef sandwich and lobster roll were both quite good. I wouldn't like that lobster roll more if that was the shot and we didn't have the chaser

of the D'Angelo lobster roll, which I think was just a better execution and at a better price point. Also, I should note, as someone who ate no meat at all for a year, no meat or fish, this place, if you're a vegetarian, you're just completely fucked. There's nothing. You're just, that veggie wrap is awful. Yeah. You can have some fried foods without seasoning. I guess if you just want no protein, but there's no options for you.

But if you're allergic to salt and pepper and flavor, you're going to go fucking ham here. Jesus. But the quality of the beef bite that I had, the lobster roll and the the the the the wrap, I think those all elevate my fork score above three forks to sit at three and a half forks. I think that's the right score for Kelly's roast beef. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I wasn't being a homer. You really think this is a five fork restaurant? You had a five fork experience at Kelly's. You're not being authentic to your listeners. These people came out here to see you. So it's tied with Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King. Hillstone could not be improved upon. I can't.

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Wow. Well, hey, that was our review of Kelly's roast beef, which brings us to our segment. And to help us out with this, please welcome from Dropkick Murphy's Tim Brennan. I'm a Quincy male and I lost my ale. Down to my mom's basement. I lost my ale. I'm a South East thug and I lost my mug.

Drinking beers with thorn from cheers and I lost my mug. We're sipping up to Boston. Whoa. We're sipping up in Boston. Whoa. We're sipping up in Boston. Whoa. We're sipping up to find a tasty drink.

Wow. Wow. Tim Brennan, everyone, you didn't get the pick. Tim is going to join us. Tim, if you want to join us, you don't have to. Yeah, you're welcome to join us all, so you don't have to. He thinks this sucks. He's gone.

Yeah, thanks for letting us butcher your classic. Now, would you like to drink some beverages with us and see if they're good or not? Yeah, come sit. So Emma just walked out some beverages for us. We've got some non-alcoholic options. We've got some alcoholic options. I'm going to have myself this one, Mitch.

This is the Cape Cod cranberry and also the orange dry. Those are two that you picked out. That's right. This is a polar seltzer. We got a polar orange dry. We got Cape Cod cranberry dry, original cranberry. And then we got a couple. We got a couple of brew dogs, too.

We got a Shandy. That's right. We got the, how do you say that, Emma? Lean in, Kugel. That's where you contract your vaginal muscles. That's how you're supposed to open these. Tim, any thoughts on Kelly's roast beef? No, it's been a long time since I've had Kelly's roast beef.

Oh, hold on a sec. There it is on. It's your back. There she is. It's been a long time since I've had Kelly's roast beef. So unfortunately, I can't give you any up-to-date thoughts. Just say five-fourths. I mean, yeah.

Five-fourths. Five-fathers. Five-fourths, yeah. Five-fourths. See? Five-fourths. How about, you know, we're talking about a couple other Boston area chains today.

They imagine you have some opinions on D'Angelo and Bertucci's. I am all about D'Angelo's. Wow. Yeah, baby. It's hard to find a better steak and cheese than at D'Angelo's. As far as I'm concerned, yeah. We're big fans of D'Angelo as well. Spoiler for when the episode comes out.

After you guys were there, you fucking losers. I don't do seafood. But when I bring my friends to D'Angelo's, they're always surprised at how good the lobster roll is. It's very good. It's very impressive. Totally agree. Also, it's crazy to have someone like entertaining

come out on stage and play. I'd demonstrate something that's an actual skill set. Yes. Instead of screaming the number five to applause. It's very impressive. And we also just mangled your song like Weiger said. Very dumb to have you come out here. But you were great.

Thank you for doing this. Thank you. That was wonderful. It's a pleasure. Tim, as someone who no doubt sees a lot of the country, a lot of the world on tour, you sometimes get to a place. At least this is my experience with traveling for work. And then you're just like, ah, fuck,

I could use like a Burger King or something. Like, is there like a chain you look for, fast food or sit down? Um, chain. Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm partial to chicken sandwiches. Oh, yeah. Shake Shack. Oh, Shake Shack. I agree with that.

Chicken sandwich, you know. Things like that that are easy that you can spot from a mile away and get pretty much anywhere. Wendy's spicy chicken? I've not tried the Wendy's spicy chicken. I don't really eat spicy stuff. We got a night ahead of us, my friend. I have the palate of a six-year-old boy.

Um, so I'm not good at this. We're probably interested in the outcast. I would say Weigar has one too in a jar in his home. So we've got the polar orange dry. Mitch, this is a favorite of yours. I love the polar orange dry. I do the diet orange dry a lot. Made with real juice, Carl, because you were worried about polar.

He said they're going to be boring. What do you think? Of the polar orange dry? I really like the label. It's very good. Yeah, this one's good. Yeah. It makes you think you're drinking like a healthy orange soda,

but you're just drinking orange. Yeah, it's like those San Pellegrino, like orange cheetahs, where you're like, oh, it's like Italian, so it's healthy. And you're like, no, it's 110 calories in this small can. 28 grams of sugar in this little can. A can of Coke this size is only 90 calories. Yeah, so 20 more calories, which makes it taste even better. I have to cop to something here to get roasted by you and the crowd.

You knew how long I pronounced this seltzer as polar. Growing up, it was so crazy. I was like, and my wife, her family always has orange dries and the diet orange dries. And they're like fresca kind of one that they have. They're always, they're always in their garage. And I'm like, oh, you have polar's? I love those.

And then like, my wife's like, it's being nice to you. My wife was like, you mean polar? And I'm like, I've always called it polar. She's like, look at the can. There's a fucking polar bear on it. We are, we are. And I was like, oh, okay. It's crazy to not get it when you are the mascot.

Tim, what do you think of that orange dry? And did you ever mess around with a polar? Oh yeah, I love polar. I mean, I lived in Worcester, Massachusetts for a good amount of time. And so I saw that inflatable polar bear get taken down a number of times. There, a legend has it, a guy took it out with a crossbow one day from 290. And then- On the way to Foxwood's wife, she started the same thing.

One time, the giant polar bear was taken down and they replaced it with a baby polar bear holding a sign that said, why'd you kill my mom? Jesus. That's terrifying. That's good. That's terrifying. How do you explain that to like- That's Worcester, Massachusetts.

Wow. Like, oh, mom, I'm so happy I learned to read today. Oh, look, a sign. Let me read it for the first time. Oh, fuck. I gotta read something here on the Cape Cod cranberry dry. It says up here in the top corner, cranty oxidant formula. I was just admiring that great portmanteau cranberry and antioxidant.

That can't be real. No, it's for fun. This one isn't carbonated, really. No, it's a strange thing. I've actually never had this before. Are people fans of Cape Cod cranberry dry? It's just lightly carbonated. Why are both of these sodas called dry?

Yeah, that's a great question. It's a Boston thing. Oh, look it up. Oh, you're in Boston now. Holy shit. The original cranberry is 160 calories with 42 grams of sugar. Yes. Holy shit.

Wait, I'm getting- I have to get my toenails done professionally tomorrow. I'm not trying to cut them with it. I'm- This is- This is so much. Yo, my mouth is like- I feel like it's Halloween. You drink this shit, like, often? Yeah, I have one or two of those before bed.

You better brush your teeth. This shit's like- Mine's carbonated. No, it's lightly carbonated, I realize, with subsequent sips. Yeah, I've had half of both of these cans, and legitimately, like, my heart hurts. I'm dealing with chest pain right now. Carl, you say to him, you're in Boston now.

I- It is good, though. It's good. It's good. Both of these are good. And you're an orange soda fan, correct? Yes, I am. Big orange soda guy.

I'm like, Kale. These are good. Both of these are good. Yes, I agree. These are both drank swags, and if we had to classify them, I'd say they're both drinks. All right, I don't know if this is true.

This is- I've loaded up Microsoft Bing, my preferred search engine. And at least- More Microsoft Bing offices are like, we gotta keep going. There's one guy. But he does thousands of thousands of insane research all day. Rouge the bat, cloaca.

So- Columbine first-person perspective. So it appears that the etymology may be prohibition. Question mark at the end. Yeah, yeah. Prohibition would make sense. It's a dry drink because it doesn't have an alcohol. So I think that's where it's coming from.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Like Canada dry. Yes. I don't know if that's entirely true, but that was one of the sources I just looked at. Interesting.

I think- I like both of these. I think that the polar I'd prefer. I think this could be an everyday drink for me. This one's a little bit- Excuse me. It's in the microphone. Professional comedian. I mean, it's funny.

It's a lot. I- I think I, you know, cramp the oxidants make me gassy. Wait, this has cramp the oxidants in it? Emma, get my EpiPen! Tim, give me your preference. On the Cape Cod versus the polar? Yeah, you know, I think I'm going towards the polar.

Thank you for using the original pronunciation. Yeah, the dry polar, yeah. These- these line- linehing fugles. The summer shandy. Say it again? Oh, line and cougal. Of course. The line and cougal.

Line and cougal. Line and cougal. Line and cougal. Line and cougal. Weird wild stuff. Line and cougal. The line and cougal is- it's good. I enjoy it.

A summer shandy's night swags. I should have gotten the loc- Yeah, I should- I know, I fucked up. You- I should have gotten a Narragansson is what you- Is that what you were saying? That's what me and Carl told him to get. Man, we in Boston now. Get the-

Haven't you heard my catchphrase? Haven't you seen my lower back tattoo? We in Boston now. We're in Boston now. I- I- We're gonna be on the Jumbo Tron tomorrow. They were in cans and I just grabbed bottles and I- and- and- Look, I fucked up.

Anyways, they're still good. They're still good. I don't hate the lemon radler either. The porch rocker from Sam Adams. That's not bad. It's not also like a lemon flavor. What is that? Yeah.

Yeah, I opened it. Which do you prefer? Port it. I think I prefer uh- of the uh- the dry beverages. I prefer the Polar. And it's just not- I'm not- it's not that I'm anti-crante. It's just that- Sure.

I'm pro-polar. I'm pro-lar, not anti-crante. The fuck am I talking about? No, that's canon now. We'll talk about that forever. I think I gotta go- I gotta go uh- porch rocker over Lyon and Cougal's summer shandy. Wow. Yeah.

I'm guessing Lyon and Cougal is not a local beer. Well, I fucked up. They were supposed to all be local. It's from Michigan. Oh, fuck. It's from Michigan? No, actually shit right on the bottles. Actually, it's from Massachusetts.

Good job, Mitch. All right, weird. Five forks? Five forks, great show. This is Fort Worth, Texas. That may be where it's bottled. Oh. Ain't that where it's from?

All right, back to being. I like- I like that porch rocker too. Sam Adams, local beer. Lyon and Cougal beer. I can't believe I didn't get the narrow gants. It's- I fucked up. Is there a- Tim, before we move on to questions, are there- are there any Boston eats that you think of like,

like, hey, if you're visiting the city, you gotta have this? It doesn't have to be a chain, right? It doesn't have to be a chain. Anything at all? No. Great. Tim Brennan, everyone. That was good as hell.

I don't know. What do you like? That was good as hell. We should learn from you and do similar things. I think I'm going with Crantea Occidence. Oh, really? Yeah, because I've never had a cranberry soda, I don't think. Oh, Sprite cranberry, but that don't count.

Yeah. Lebron- is that Lebron soda? No, it's a seasonal one. Seasonal. Okay, okay. Yeah. Yeah, Badlands Chugs. He took down a few Sprite cranberries.

He took down three? Oh, no, way more than that. How many did you take down? Eleven, I think. See, you're caught. That's a lot. Man, he's cool. My teeth are falling out from three sips of polar.

I'd say all of these are drinks, though. They're all drinks, yeah, they're all quality. You know what, the Narragansett would be a drink, drank, too, if it was here. Wow. I'm not messing with this one. Yeah, I'm not messing with the Chandy. Oh, man.

That's a stank for me. That's a stank. Sam Adams got it right, though. Yeah, Sam Adams is a soft, soft drink, polar and anti-crante, full drink. And what's the Chandy, exactly? It's like a beer with lemon. It's a feist beer with lemonade, yeah.

Lemonade. Lemonade, yeah. Nice summer treat, Wigs. I don't know. I feel like this is the one you make fresh if you're going to have that. You get the bottled version, it's not going to deliver in the same way.

All right, look, I fucked up, all right? No, it's fine. You did fine. I did. We don't have to re-litigate this. I did before the show say, hey, can we just do one non-alcoholic and one beer, just because we're going to go long.

And you said, no, that's not okay. It's true. Yeah. And look. And you almost didn't get the stuff, too. Did Emma get the stuff? No.

No, I went and got it. Okay. You're yelling me for almost not getting the stuff? No, not yelling. The hell? I'm not yelling at you. I'm talking into a microphone next to you. And first off, it was just because you sent the text,

it's like, Nick, don't forget, we have to get all those drinks and stuff to the thread. I'm like, this is all your plan. Anyways, Wigs, I give all four of these drinks and five forks. They're perfect. Hey, that was sipping up to Boston. Tim, do you want to stick around for some questions? Yeah, you got it, guys.

All right, man. Just a warning, this is the scariest part of the show. I'm just a spectator, baby. Just like a rest of your feedback. Let's up to the feedback. So we've got three audience questions we're going to take. Emma Erdbrink, our producer. Big hand for Emma.

Yeah, Emma. MVP of the podcast, MVP of every tour, is going to be taking your questions. I got Julia W, Lupe B, and Corey H, if you want to come meet me over here. Also, I think my brother's out there somewhere and he drinks. He drinks the polar grapefruit sodas every time we have cocktails because he doesn't have real cocktails.

That's his cocktail. Shout out to Gooby out there. Hell yeah. All right, so I'm sorry, can you read the names again? Yeah, I got Julia W, Lupe B, and Corey H. Is anyone up there on the mezzanine or the top level, the balcony? Lupe is up there. Oh, you want to run down or do you want me to just read your question for you?

We have a Lupe Fiasco. She's coming down. Okay, Lupe's coming down. Wow, that was really good. That was really, really good. That deserves so much more. He said we have a Lupe Fiasco. He deserves more.

Fucking grand slam. I got Julia here for you. Wait, Lupe's repelling down from the mezzanine? Maybe just text the question. Emma, probably not a good idea to tell a Doughboys fan to run on down. Yeah, you're medically liable now. You have to give the heart transplant. Yikes.

Lupe's like jacked and kicks all our asses. Weigar's got a heart on. While he's kicking your ass, you get it. Hi, I'm Julia. Hey, Julia. Hi, I graduated from Emerson College today, like four hours ago. Holy, congratulations. Wow, what an achievement.

Congrats. I'll see you in LA in two weeks. See you there. What the hell is everyone doing with their life events out here? You rescheduled the show. Oh, that's all right. Fair enough. Fair enough.

So I have a collegiate themed question. If you opened Doughboys University, what courses would you teach? Oh, shit. I have my answer. Buffet navigation. Fuck, that's smart. I'm an expert in the buffet. We could have maps, and then I could take the class on a field trip to real buffets

and show them how to do it and what to order and how to do it. You stepped into what I was going to say was post-meal napology is probably what I would do. Taking a nice little nap after your meal, Weigar. How about you? I have an issue, and certain chains have resolved this, most notably in my mind. Hillstone does a great job. The Hillstone family of restaurants in Houston and what have you. They give you more than enough dip for the amount of chips you have.

So I would like to teach a class on chip to dip ratio. Because if you've got dry chips, that's so unsatisfying. And those are your final bites of that appetizer. What a let down. Give me more than enough dip. I can just picture this class full of Weigar is nodding along. You know how when you order a milkshake or a frappe, if you know, yeah. And they give you that little side silver cup?

Yes. Like I feel like for chips and dip, the waiter should come by with a little half serving. Give you over dip you and then come by with a little half serving of chips. Like you want another, you want to re-up? Throw a few more chips. Come on, that would be sick. So here's the magic trick they pull off of the Hillstone family of restaurants. They give you not enough chips.

They give you too much dip and not enough chips. So you're out of chips and you're like, oh, I got more, I got more of this cheese dip. I got more of this guac. And they come by with a chip refill, that very thing. And it's so satisfying. That's a dream come true. Yeah. What do you think you did right?

More of a rip off. Trump University or Doe Boys University? Probably same student base. Same tier. At Doe Boys University, we're trying to turn over our erections. I'm coaching the football team where everybody on the team is an offensive tackle. Like 400 pound guys protecting a 300 pound quarterback.

All right, just one sprint today, fam. Let's get out of here and get something to eat, fellas. He doesn't want to do it. Don't make him do it. Well, what would he teach? Music. Apparently banned for heavy set individuals. Hey, what the fuck?

He teaches just the sousaphone. Classic fat guy instrument. That is, that's great. All right, who's got our next question? All right, we got Lupe. She made it down. Hi, Lupe. First of all, I just want to say I'm here with my friends.

The Dela Biggs were from SoCal. And we came all the way out here to see you guys. Holy, wow. Why did you do that? Thank you. Wow. You in Boston now, Lupe. We are Boston now.

But in honor of mom's day weekend, what is the perfect meal you would serve your mom? Oh, wow. What a sweet question. That's a sweet question. I actually know what. Mitch, are you texting? What are you doing?

He's, he's, you're doing a live show in your whole DMing of Instagram open. What are you doing? Ellie also DM me and said that she's here tonight for her anniversary. So I wanted to give a shout out to Ellie. Oh, OK. Hi.

Congrats, Ellie. Congratulations. That was probably the perfect time for that, right after someone asks you a direct question in the Q&A portion. Skip the A. Do a DM. Shout out. Show's almost over.

I'm tired. I don't know. I could, my mom, shout out Joanne. She would want exclusively bread and butter courses. She would want to just get to look at a menu, never decide on anything. Ask everyone at the table what they are getting. Ask the waitress a million questions.

But in the end, just eat five loaves of bread and butter. She rules. Hung out with her last night. There was a very funny moment where we came, remember when we went to the bar? We were at the casino all night in the game. I was like, oh, mom, look, it's the two boys. Come say hi.

We walk up to them at the bar. And I lose my mom and she's immediately at one of the little video poker machines that's built into the bar. And she's like, give me another $20. We'll go Hevsey's. We're going to go Hevsey's. She took $80 from me like a 20 at a time

in like 10 minutes going, we're going Hevsey's. We're going to go Hevsey's. Never won. It's funny because I said, I was saying to my mom, we should do Mother's Day dinner tomorrow night. My mom was like, so you mean you want me to make you dinner on Mother's Day? And I was like, I don't know.

I don't have any better ideas. You know what? Sometimes I'll grill a steak. I became the grill master in some ways. But ma, my mom makes a great baked haddock ma. You mentioned this. And you know what? Maybe I would try to make that for her.

Wow. That's amazing. That's really sweet. My mom has a high blood pressure. She has hypertension. And so she can't have a lot of salt. So am I taking Kelly's roast beef? Jesus.

It's going to be so over salted the next time we go. My mom loves when I cook Cajun style food. So last year I made her shrimp and grits. And she really likes that. And then the savory version of that, of course. And I probably make like a gumbo or something like that. She really likes them. Or jambalaya or something.

Sounds delightful. Pry some fish. Somewhere along the lines of Mitch's, I suppose, my mom's a little too high strung to let anybody else do the cooking. So ultimately we'd probably end up eating what we wanted to eat. You know, which is some sort of good chicken catchatory or something like that. Oh yeah. Made by my mom who refuses to let anybody else touch a thing.

So happy Mother's Day, mom. She works at chicken catchatory down on Sullivan Street. Wow. Across from the medical center. All right. So one more question we have. We got one more. This is Corey.

Hi, Corey. Hey, Corey. Huge fan of the pod and all you guys. Thank you. God bless you. Thank you, Corey. Thank you. If you were a food based superhero,

what food or food group would you base it on? And what would your superpower be? Wow. We were talking about the scenario in regards to Kirby, the video game character who swallows up entities and absorbs their attributes. So in that case, I kind of eared on the side of something spicy, because I think that would give you some sort of flame power. But you're saying like this is less, this is not that limited.

Give me fucking lobster claws. And clamp through some people. Jesus. And also like lobsters keep growing. Like, did you know that they keep growing until they die? So now forever your hands are claws. No, I can turn them into claws. Oh, you can turn them into claws.

Yeah. Oh, and they can regenerate. So if you want to just dip in hot butter and... Back like... Everything I touch, I could turn it fried if I wanted to. That's good. I got the name for your hero, King Fridus. King Fridus.

That's... Wow. That's really good. I got the Fridus touch. You touch it and it's like, well, seasoned too. That is also horrifying. If you wanted to, you could do some damage with that power. Yes. I would be, my hero would be, I'd be, my name would be six foot hero.

That's good. And I'd be able to get stuff off some shelves. Look, I don't want to do this. But I'd be salty and I'd battle the Kelly clan. How's that? It wasn't salted enough, all right? I agree with you. It wasn't salted at all.

I don't know if I have, I don't know. Superfood power. Maybe I would just be able to eat forever. How's that? So just like, you just want to be yourself. You want Kevin Spacey to eventually kill you? I'm waiting for that kick. Tim, sorry to make you do improv up here, but do you have...

Please don't make us play guitar. Short, short, short form improv. We're going to play helping hands in a bit. Do you, is there a superhero or a superpower that you think would be beneficial coming from food? As far, as far as pertaining to me, with a wave of my hand, I could take the spice out of anything. Wow.

So wait, you're a villain? Yeah, we got to kill you, homeboy. He's a villain. That sounds like a bad guy in a black exploitation movie. Seasoning, spice, it's all gone. Makes food blend. Pepperoni, get pepperoni out of there. Wow.

As soon as you put pepperoni on something, the whole thing's pepperoni. Oh my God. What a heel turn. All right, there's nothing else to do but end this show. Let's kick his ass. That's it for this episode. Thank you.

Tim Brennan, John Gabriel, Carl Tartt, Emma Namilia, thanks to the Will Bird for the next time. And for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Wilder. Happy eating. Thank you. Want more Dough Boys? Check out the Dough Squad, our Discord server. You get Dough Squad access plus the Dough Boys double

when you join the Platinum Play Club at Patreon.com slash Dough Boys. That's Patreon.com slash Dough Boys. Want to see the sources for this week's intro? Check the episode description.